#took a picture of my laptop with my phone that's why the contrast is messed up

[singswan-springswan]

happy mermay!

[sassyjoy]

unplanned sleepover

genre: smut

word count: 1.4k

⋆｡˚ ⋆ ☾

"You can sit on my bed," Sooyoung told you upon entering her dorm room. It was quite spacious, you thought. The two beds certainly caught your attention, their neatness contrasting against the cozy disarray of the rest of the room. Posters of romcom films adorned one wall, while a whiteboard covered in colorful sketches and project ideas took up another. On the study desk, a jumble of art supplies mingled with a laptop displaying a digital design in progress. The room felt like a creative hub where the worlds of multimedia arts collided in a harmonious chaos curated by two distinct personalities.

"Do you want anything? Coffee? Juice? Water?" Sooyoung asked as she placed back her roommate's gaming chair near where it belongs.

"No, I'm good,” you replied, casting your eyes around the room, taking in the unique blend of multimedia arts influences in the shared space. You noticed a film camera on the desk and asked Sooyoung if that was hers.

"It's Wonwoo's," Sooyoung responded with a smile, gesturing towards the camera with a hint of admiration.

"Wonwoo? Oh, the guy you've been crushing about?" 

Sooyoung snorted. "That's Jaehyun, dumbass. You never really listen to my stories, don't you?" You laughed when she threw a hoodie at you in which you caught. You knew it was Jaehyun, you were just messing with her.

"Wonwoo's my roommate."

"Oh, I didn't know men and women can share the same dorm room," you said in disbelief, as you knew it was not allowed in most dormitories.

Sooyoung shrugged, unfazed. "My landlord is cool with it and besides, I don't really mind sharing the same room with the opposite sex. As long as they're clean and mindful in their space, I won't have a problem with them. And Wonwoo's really nice. He's neat. We also share the same course so we really get along with each other!" As she spoke, Sooyoung picked her pajamas from her cabinet, preparing to change into sleepwear for the night.

"Why isn't he here though?" You asked as you lay on her bed, getting comfy. The bed felt nice and soft. You noticed some polaroid pictures of Sooyoung with friends near her bedside table. It was cute to see familiar faces from your shared circle of friends since high school.

"Org duties, I guess. He said he'll be home late," she shrugged.

"I'll go get changed," Sooyoung said before heading to the bathroom. You found yourself scrolling and watching tiktok videos on your phone on her bed. It was kind of funny that despite being friends for years, it was the first time being alone together. You usually never had this chance due to various reasons.

Your stay in her dorm wasn't planned. Your car broke down, and with heavy rain outside, the mechanic couldn't come fix it. Luckily, Sooyoung's dorm was nearby. It became your refuge from the storm. Without her help, you'd be out in the cold.

~

You were sleeping in one bed with Sooyoung. It wasn't supposed to be like that but you've had sleepovers with your circle of friends before. Sleeping in one bed shouldn't be a bad thing. 

What's bad is that you're lusting over her. It shouldn't be like this. You know that yourself. 

You wished you didn't enter the bathroom earlier. If you hadn't, you wouldn't see her dirty laundry. It wasn't your fault that you saw her undies lying there. It wasn't your fault that you had the urge to pick it up and smell it. But you did pick it up and smell it. The thought of Sooyoung wearing it just turned you even more and caused tenting on your sweatpants. 

Here you are, lying on your side with your back to her. You're trying your best to fall asleep, but it seems impossible. Sooyoung, on the other side of the bed, keeps shifting and turning, making it even harder for you to find rest. You just want to get off this feeling. 

'Should I just jerk off in the bathroom?' You've been asking yourself this question for the past 30 minutes now. But the bathroom's kinda far from the bed. 

The room was dark. The only sound you could hear was the rain outside. The gentle tap-tap-tap against the window filled the room, creating a peaceful atmosphere. You're finally getting off that idea in your mind until you heard small soft whimpers. 

You changed your position, now you're facing Sooyoung. You waited for that sound again, because you thought that your mind is just messing around. Was it Sooyoung? Or maybe that was Wonwoo? Her roommate, who's sleeping soundly on the other side of the room. Nah, it won't be him. It sounded like a girl's, you thought. 

You were about to sleep when you heard something again, and this time, you were sure that it was Sooyoung. 

The room was dimly lit, but when you adjusted to the darkness you saw Sooyoung rubbing herself. The hem of her dark blue night gown lifted up to her thigh. Your heart beat went crazy, not knowing what to do.

"Ohh," she moaned quietly. You can't stop watching pleasuring herself. It's a new sight for you. You've known her for years and you never knew she has this side of hers. You were always bickering with each other but you always thought that she was all this innocent. 

You felt hot, wishing Sooyoung won't notice. 

You slightly moved, turning yourself more towards her, to watch more clearly. Sooyoung stopped for a second, scanning your face before going back to rubbing again. 

You can't help it anymore, and moved again, this time your arm flinging over to her side making sure to lightly brush her thigh before resting your arm on her stomach.

"Shit," she whispered to herself, not being able to continue anymore. You felt her try to pull your arm away but you just changed your position, your leg now brushing up to her thigh. You can feel her body heat and heaving, getting turned on even more. 

You felt her stop for a few minutes. 

She then finally rested her hand on top of yours. 

You found it cute not until she lifted your hand and put it over her wet pussy. Your eyes instantly opened, obviously shocked at what she did. Damn, she's not wearing an underwear. 

"I knew it, you're awake." She whispered, you tried to pull your hand away but she gripped it tighter. 

"Can you help me with this one? Please?" She begged as she bit her lip as she guided your hand to her cunt. You gulped. With shaky hands, you found yourself messing with the hem of her sleepwear.

'Why are you nervous? She literally asked you for this.' You thought. Sooyoung squeezed her clothed breast as she waits for your next move. You were contemplating for a second before whispering "fuck it" under your breath and placed your hand over her shaved pussy. 

You traced her vagina with your middle finger. You pressed it between her folds, finding her clit with ease. 

"Oh- fuck... this is way better than using my own fingers- god!" You watched her covering her mouth with her own hands, feeling the sensation you've been giving her. For some reason, you liked how's this going. 

You circled her clit. You can feel how warm and wet she have had become. Sooyoung was trying so hard not to make a noise when you added another finger inside her. Her breathing became heavy and a little unsteady. You placed your other arm underneath her to pull her body closer to you. 

"Does it feel good, Sooyoung?" You whispered in her ear that earned you a grip on your forearm. 

"Feels so good," she croaked. The rain was too loud. Wonwoo won't probably hear what's happening between you two, right?

You placed soft kisses on the side of her neck as you increased the pace of your fingers. You can feel her body wriggle from the pleasure. You loved how every time you went deeper, her grip on you got tighter. 

"Just like that," she whispered. You kept hitting the spot she could barely reach with her own fingers. Sooyoung arched her back, palming her tits as she grinds against your fingers, trying to reach that delicious high she's been aching to have. Her breath quickens as you hit the spot inside her, your fingers scissoring her tight hole. 

"Ohhh," then she exploded. Sooyoung's cum wets your fingers. It took her a minute to calm down. You caressed her thighs as you wait for her to calm down from how she fell apart from the build-up you managed to give her.

"You owe me one," you told her, whispering in her ear while still stroking her soft skin. 

[lgwifey]

PHOTOSHOOT

crush!gene gallagher x fem!reader

lennon gallagher x bff!reader

Summary : Y/n had been friends with Lennon Gallagher for as far back as she could remember and she'd had a crush on his younger brother for a good proportion of her teenage years. When a quick job comes up, y/n finds Gene being the only help she can get. Will the alone time bring about something between the two ?

Warning : not proof read.

MASTERLIST

2021

Y/n had had a crush on her bestfriend's brother for at least five years.

He was a year younger than her, four inches taller and had messy, mousy brown hair, a feature which was a stark contrast to his eye blue eyes and pale skin. The perfect photography model in her mind.

As much as she loved them, those eyes had been the thing to get her into this mess to start with !

"Lens please !"

Pleading was not her strong point, slapping her friend around the head intill he gave up his denying on the other hand...

" 'm sorry y/n/n but i've got prior comitments, and these guys are actully paying me so."

"I pay you in friendship !"

"Friendship isn't accepted in my morgage contract y/n/n. Look i've gotta go but i'm sure Gene wouldn't mind doing some modeling for you. Plus, he'll probably just do it for a big mac instead of a meal out at Harrods."

With that, he hung up the call. He hung up on her !

Y/n threw her phone down onto the ruffled up, baby blue bedding. She wouldn't usually object to using Gene as her model, sometimes she didn't even need to get him a big mac, just some fries and a coke would be sufficient for him most of the times when she appeared out of nowhere and asked for a short notice shoot.

She was a photographer for a late teens magazine and her boss had asked of she could get some shots in a lockdown style, but that meant that her plan had been to get pictures of Lennon lounging about on her carefully layed out mess set, which was also her bedroom. The plan for the lockdown memorbilia shoot was to have her bestie in joggers, hair messy and shirt thrown on the floor whilst he layed and prettily watched tele on her laptop. There was no way she'd let Gene into her bedroom, nevermind letting him into her bedroom being shirtless.

She bit her cheek hard, a look of complain filling her eyes.

She needed these pictures, she could be fired if she didn't get them for the article.

After a good half an hour of thought, she decided that having to be with Gene by herself was the latter of two evils, being fired was not something she wanted to be dealing with right now.

Another five minutes was used up by her trying to find courage within herself to actually ring Gene, texting wasn't one of her strong points.

An agonising four rings echoed slower than a tortoise, her lip being bit nervously by her teeth. The phone suddenly picked up a gruff voice.

"What ?"

Y/n was taken back by the grumpy shout being the first thing said. She took a deep breath in and gave a nervous 'ha'

"Urm, hi Gene ?"

She could hear ruffleing on the other side, his voice suddenly becoming nicer.

"Oh hi Y/n/n. Sorry, I thought you would be Lennon. What's up ?"

Why would she be Lennon ? Anyways,

"Oh not much. I was just wondering if you'd be cool for coming over to mine today. I know it's short notice, like really short notice, but I kinda need help with a photoshoot."

She could hear more ruffleing around and a cough before he spoke again, stuttering over his words for some reason.

"Urm yeah that's fine, fine by me like i've nothing on. Urm, urm what time do you need me over by ?"

"Anytime from now to seven would be good if that's alright ? Oh and could you also bring some lounge clothes ? It's a lockdown themed shoot."

A hum came through from Gene, also the sound of a door opening and beung slammed shut before the sound of it opening again.

"Yep, okay. Is it okay if i'm over in like, I don't know like a hour ?"

"Yeah that'll be perfect. Thanks so much Gene, you're literally a life saver."

A laugh echoed through the speakers.

"Okay dokey, I'll see you at Eleven then. Bye !"

A 'see yah' was muttered over before y/n hung up. She instantly started cursing herself for hanging up too quickly, slamming her head against a door.

Gene was slouched on one of his mate's bedroom couches having a fifa tornament against Noah when his phone started viberating next to him, the screen lighting up with a background picture of his halfbrother's bestfriend which he'd screen shotted from her Whatsapp profile.

He paused the game, a complaint from Noah sounding, and answered the call, expecting Lennon to have lost his phone or left it at their dad's or something Lennon-like like that.

"What ?"

"urm, hi Gene. "

His face danced on a boarderline white tone when the voice coming through was y/n's, aka the girl he'd been pratically in love with since he was ten. She was a year older than him and was literally the perfectest person he'd ever seen. The way her y/h/l y/h/c hair always seemed to look perfect, evwn on your bad hair days when he'd seen you around his dad's to probably bully Lennon. The way her eyelashes curled naturally. The way she teased his brother with him. Perfect all round.

"Oh hi Y/n/n. Sorry, I thought you would be Lennon. What's up ?"

No ! Why did he call you y/n/n ?! His vouce was all crackleing with surprise, causing Noah to take more interest in his conversation.

"Oh not much. I was just wondering if you'd be cool for coming over to mine today. I know it's short notice, like really short notice, but I kinda need help with a photoshoot."

"Urm yeah that's fine, fine by me like i've nothing on."

Noah shot him an offended look, gesturing vigerously to the half played football match plastered on the tele. He ended up punching his friend in the stomach to stop him being a distraction.

"Urm, urm what time do you need me over by ?"

"Anytime from now to seven would be good if that's alright ? Oh and could you also bring some lounge clothes ? It's a lockdown themed shoot."

So he needed to run to his mum's seeing how she lived closest to Noah, take the quickest shower known to mankind and get changed into something nice as well as taking a change of clothes with him, probably just a pair of joggers and a band tee, before getting you y/n's. That made her seem so much older than him, she was a proper adult, with her own actual home and a morgage !

He jumped out of his seat, grabbing the backpack he'd thrown on Noah's bed and noting to his mate that he was leaving. Just as soon as he shut his friend's bedroom door and started rushing down the staircase, Noah started following with an eagerness to learn what Gene was so quick to leave for all of a sudden.

"Yep, okay. Is it okay if i'm over in like, I don't know like a hour ?"

"Yeah that'll be perfect. Thanks so much Gene, you're literally a life saver."

He illuminated a rose shade at her words. She thought he was a life saver.

"Okay dokey, I'll see you at Eleven then. Bye !"

"See yah."

The mulletted model followed his friend down the stairs, confusion on his face.

"Gene where are you going mate ?"

"Y/n needs me help."

Noah rolled his eyes as his friend slammed the front door closed, the fuzzy figure through the window of the white plastic making it's way down the drive and past the metal gate. Gene had been head over heels Lennon's friend for as long as he could remember and he'd recently found him ditching him and Sonny more and more to 'help' the photographer.

All that could be seen in y/n's flat was a blur of human running around like a headless chicken.

She hadn't accounted in time for cleaning all her stuff up from the livingroom and kitchen seeing how Lennon couldn't care less if he tryed. But for Gene, she needed to look put together.

Her clean washing was actually put away in their draws. The dishes where washed and put away. The couch was hoovered !

Her phone buzzed before 'Bye Bye Bye' started playing, her alarm to go and get Gene some food. She had his order saved on her notes due to how often she'd go to the fast food resteraunt for the boys.

The trip was nothing less than heptic; tazi being late, rain being on and off, McDonalds being stacked to the brim with bratty teenagers, the advoidance of the chav spiecies. When y/n made it to her floor's door she found a tall figure in blue jeans and a the Undertones tee, a bag thrown over his shoulders and a blue adidas hoodie hanging around his waist.

"Sorry i'm late, didn't want you to starve."

He gave a low chuckle as she bumped past him with a brown paper bag, the yellow 'm' standing out, and unlocked the door with the Belle key. He still found it adorable that she couldn't tell her keys apart so always got them cut out of different disney characters, her key for Lennon's was Tramp.

"Don't fuss, i've literally just got here."

That was a blatent lie, he'd been stood outside playing flappy bird for eight minutes.

He shut the door behind him whilst y/n put he food bag on the top of the kitchen counter. Gene let his eyes wonder around her place, he only came occationally with Lennon but he always love how she couldn't not change everything around at least once a month.

"Tea ?"

"If you're making one."

"Gene-o, i'm always making one."

As she pushed the button down on the kettle, he started raiding the bag. He always found it amazing how she got his order spot on every time.

As blue light flowed through the clear machine, water jumping about, y/n sat herself on the counter opposite Gene, beging to explain the consept of the photoshoot.

"So it's basically you taking photos whilst I be lazy ?"

"Basically."

"Fun."

Just as the conversation began to become awkward, the ping from the kettle allowed y/n to change topic.

"Sugar right ?"

"Yeah, one."

She gave a nod. She knew he had sugar. She'd already put it in the ceramic blue mug.

Y/n was a hour into the shoot with Gene, her camera swinging a bit on her neck as she adjusted the bleach blonde's hair.

Gene forced his face to not turn hot pink as y/n moved him in small amounts between each dozen photos. She had a weird affect on him, a dizzy affect which sent him crazy.

"Gene-o ."

She gave a when as his hair fell on his face just after she'd fixed it for the angle she was working on at the moment.

He loved how she said his name, the nickname that only she was allowed to call him. Lennon had tryed it once and ended up in A&E for the night with a broken nose, but she didn't need to know that.

She flopped onto the bed, it being big enough that she wasn't too close to him that she'd break out in a blush. When she did so, the nineteen year old found his way out of the uncomfortable position of being leant up on his elbows.

"Think it's time for a break ?"

Her y/e/c irises looked up as her head tilted, find thing she met was his pale, almost ice like, blue eyes. She immeduatly headbutted back into the matress so he wouldn't catch her blush.

"Break time then."

He finished the conversation by himself, clapping his hands and going to get his now cold maccies chips.

When y/n had worked up the energy to move, the two ended up slouched on her lip shaped couch watching one of the greatest british t.v. shows know to mankind, Jeremy Kyle.

"D'ya think,"

Y/n turned to face Gene, the tele becoming background noise to their conversation.

"If your dad wasn't famous, you'd be on this ?"

"Oh definitly, 100%"

With his family's lay out there was no way he wouldn't be on it.

"What about you ?"

Y/n thought about his question, tilting her head slightly and biting her lip. Her mum had had four kids with three different men, one set of twins. Y/n was the youngest and the only girl. She had one sibling that wasn't her mum's, her youngest brother. He was her half-brother and her uncle so there was no way she would be able to escape the program. Long story short, her dad wanted to piss her mum off so got with y/n's nan. Her nan was only fifthteen years older than her mum and her dad was eight years older than her mum so they actually made a decent couple, y'know minus the already kinda being related thing.

"Defo."

As Gene went to go and turn on a new episode seeing how the credits had started rolling, he catched y/n's eyes again.

The action brought them both weak. Y/n couldn't help herself at that point. It was like a magnet was pulling her towards him. As their lips slowly attatched themselves to each other.

She didn't know if she was suposed to stop seeing how she didn't react much. He didn't do anything when their eyes met, his arctic ones hitting hers, nor when she held his jaw softly and depthened the kiss.

After a good ten seconds she pulled away, looking forwards to see the star-eyed man looking off into thin air.

"Sorry, about that Gene-o ."

"No, no don't apologise."

Y/n was about to question why she shouldn't apologise when his action answered her.

She felt his hands fall onto her waist and a force pull her back towards the other body on the art accessory couch.

[mosswillow]

Jumping In (Dark!Steve Rogers x Reader)

Warnings: 18+ adult content!!, Kidnapping, smut, Dark fic, vaginal fingering, noncon/dubcon, yandere.

Summary: You submit your application to the Avengers as a joke. You’re nowhere near qualified enough for the job. So why do they want you?

AN: A big thanks to @rayofdawnworld for commenting on “Your Room” that they wanted to know about the other Avengers. This one is (obviously) Steve and is happening chronologically before “Your Room.” You can read it by itself though!  I also have a story forming for Bucky in my mind so I’ll probably do him next. 

You’ve always been the type of person to jump into things without thinking. It’s gotten you into plenty of trouble throughout your life but you’ve always managed to get yourself out of it. It’s opened up opportunities for you and taken you all over the world. You put in the application for SHIELD almost as a joke, thinking there’s no way they would ever hire you, especially not to work with the Avengers.

The joke becomes serious when you get a call from Stark Tower offering you a job. You skim over the contract eagerly and sign it immediately, jumping on the opportunity to work your dream job.

After a whirlwind week you find yourself standing in the middle of a high tech training room surrounded by Avengers. Being around a group of people as powerful as the Avengers is intimidating to say the least. The contrast between you and them is stark and you feel your confidence slip trying to keep up with them. They all assure you that you’re doing great and they’re glad to have you with them. It feels like a little family and you get pulled in immediately. You find yourself gravitating to Steve, or maybe he gravitates towards you. He shows up everywhere you go, at the water fountain filling up his bottle, running at the treadmill next to you, stretching on the mat. He watches you spar with different Avengers, giving advice and words of encouragement.

“Keep that arm up Y/N.”

“I will, thank you captain.”

“Call me Steve.”

“Steve.”  You smile.

You spar with Bucky and try to ignore Steve's looks. You don’t know if you feel flattered or uncomfortable with the attention he’s giving you. You decide that he’s probably just trying to be friendly since it’s your first day.

It doesn’t stop though and you constantly find yourself in situations with Steve. He’s in the elevator with you or walking by your room as you’re leaving. You even bump into him at the grocery store.

A week later you open your door to see Steve waiting for you just outside your room. Your heart does a flip at the sight of him standing in front of you. His hair is damp and you try to control your mind from imagining him in the shower. His tight white shirt shows off his muscles, which doesn't help your wandering mind one bit. You shift your eyes away from him and chastise yourself. God, He smells good and you wonder what soap he uses. He gives a cocky half smile and takes a step toward you.

“Good job yesterday.” He says, moving in front of your line of sight.

“Thanks.” you smile and force yourself to look him in the eyes.

He puts his hands in his pockets and rocks on his feet looking nervous.

“I thought I could treat you to coffee?”

Your heart starts beating rapidly. Is he asking you on a date? Steve Rogers asking YOU on a date? It can't be that. The flirting has to be in your head.

“I’d like that,” You mirror him, putting your hands in your pockets. You realize too late that you don’t have pockets though and end up awkwardly rubbing your hands against your sides.  Steve lets out a chuckle and you cross your arms and laugh along with him.

You follow Steve to a nearby coffee shop and he orders you a drink. The two of you sit at a semi-private table in the back next to some barely cognizant university students who are furiously typing away on their laptops.

“How are you enjoying being part of the team?” Steve asks.

“I love it! Everyone is really nice.”

“Are you nervous for your first first mission?”

“A little bit,” you confess.

“I’ll be there with you, don’t worry.”

That was definitely flirting, you think. Captain America is flirting with you.

You smile and take a sip of your coffee. This is like a romance novel, a cute coffee date with a literal super hero. It comes to an end though when you notice a kid taking a picture of the two of you. Steve frowns and cocks his head towards the prepubescent photographer.

“I think we should head back before we get more fans.” Steve Says.

Steve does a silly pose for the kid as he passes by and pulls out a signed Captain America card. The kid stands stunned looking at you as you walk out of the shop. Steve puts his hand on your back and leans in.

“Sorry this was so short. We’ll have to go somewhere more private next time.”

“Don’t apologize! The coffee was amazing, thank you so much.”

It only takes twenty minutes for you to start getting phone calls. A picture of you and Steve is all over the internet. It looks very incriminating, Steve's arm on your back and him smiling close to your ear. You answer your phone and hold it away from your ear as your friend Amy yells at you from the other end.

“Captain America!” She screams over and over again.

“Are you guys dating now or...”

“No, he was just being nice.”

“The picture looks like he’s being a lot more than nice. Please hit that Y/N, if you don’t I’ll scream.”

“You’re already screaming.” you say with a laugh.

“Seriously though, I want to be invited to your wedding one day.”

“Amy! he’s hot for sure but he’s also kinda my boss and I’m not ready for anything serious right now.” The picture of you and Steve is still in your mind. You can barely take care of yourself and certainly aren’t ready for everything involved with dating Steve Rogers.

You hang up the phone and smile to yourself. You can’t believe how your life has changed so fast. One day you’re working security at a hotel and the next you’re working with the avengers and flirting with Captain America.

---

You shake your foot nervously on the way to your first mission. Your role is simple, in fact it's almost impossible to mess up. You’re nervous anyway though. Everyone tells you it’s normal for your first mission and you take deep breaths trying to calm down.

You exit the jet and make your way into town. Your only job is to distract your mark for five minutes. You check your watch and start your way toward your mark.

“Excuse me sir?”

“Yes?”

“Do you know a good breakfast place around here?”

It’s beyond easy. You keep the conversation up for five minutes and end it quickly. Steve gives you a pat on the back after, congratulating your successful first mission. It feels off. Anyone could do what you did. You’re nowhere near as skilled as the Avengers and don’t understand why you would be picked for the job.

“What’s wrong doll?”

“I just don’t feel like I’m really good enough to be part of this team I guess.”

“You’re more than good enough.”

“But you guys are so much stronger... and faster... and smarter.”

“We look for more than those things when picking recruits. Trust me, you’re exactly what I… We need.”

You feel a little better and push away your doubts.

---

The missions become harder after the first one but you’re still never put in direct danger. They say you need more training before taking on more dangerous roles and you agree. You’re not sure if you’ll ever improve enough though and it makes you guilty, like you’re taking up space in a team that someone else could have. As you start becoming more part of the group Steve starts coming onto you more. He takes you out several times and starts becoming more physically affectionate. You like Steve. Aside from being gorgeous he’s old school, bringing you flowers and opening doors. There’s Something about him that feels disingenuous and your gut prevents you from starting a serious relationship.

You meet a barista at the same coffee shop Steve took you to. He’s cute and you  decide to give him your number impulsively. He texts you that evening and you stay up late texting back and forth. The next day everyone stares at you as you stretch before your training. You’re not sure why until you notice Steve standing outside of his office.

“Y/N, can I see you in here please.” His voice is an octave lower than usual and a chill runs down your spine.

“Of course.”

Steve closes the door and motions for you to sit down.

“I’m aware that you’ve exchanged numbers with someone who is unapproved.”

You nod slowly, confused how he knows at all and why it’s a big deal.

“This is a huge security risk.”

“I already ran a background check on him.”

Steve sits on the edge on his desk and caresses your cheek.

“Why do you want to talk to this boy when you have me?”

You push his hand away.

“I mean, I like you Steve but I’m just not ready for the commitment yet, you know that.”

His eyes narrow and he looks at the hand you pushed away.

“I understand.” He says.

You stand to leave and he calls after you.

“Oh, and remember you have a curfew. I don’t want to have to reprimand you.”

Steve feels different, unhinged. You’ve only been late a few times and only by a few minutes. You push away your worry hoping it will get better. He’s probably just not used to feeling rejected. He’ll get over it.

---

“Y/N, don’t you dare enter that building.”

“There are still people inside Steve!”

“It’s too dangerous. Help is on the way, don’t do it.”

You rip the com out of your ear and run into the building. There’s smoke everywhere and you cover your face with your arm. You make fast work of reaching the blocked room, breaking the door in and letting the room of people out. You escort them out of the building and to safety.

“Thank you so much.” A woman says, hugging you.

“No problem.” You smile.

The building starts collapsing in front of your eyes and you watch it burn. You walk back to the jet, coughing and bruised and get checked out as soon as you land.

Steve waits for you outside of medical.

“What were you thinking Agent!”

“Not now Steve.”

“It’s Captain and yes now.”

You sigh.

“I was thinking, Captain, that I needed to get those people out and I was right.”

“And what would have happened if the building had come down on you? Help was coming and you had an order. You’re lucky your lungs are ok with the smoke you inhaled.”

You push Steve out of your way and walk towards your room.

“It was a risk I was willing to take,” you call back.

You reach your room and take a long shower, thinking about everything. As much as you want to fit in with them you just don’t. Something tells you that you need to quit. You need to get out of here and never look back. you decide that you’ll hand in a two week notice tomorrow.

The next morning you wake and dress quickly still feeling the same as the night before. You head to your door and turn the knob but find it locked.

“What the fuck?” you pound on the door but nobody answers. You pick up your phone to call for help. It won’t connect to the internet or call anyone. Your computer is the same way. As the day passes you start feeling more and more uneasy. They have to know by now that something is wrong with you. your voice is raw from yelling for help and your hands bloody and bruised from pounding on the door.

Finally, hours later you hear the click of your door unlocking. You open it to see Steve standing with his arms crossed on the other side.

“I was locked in my room.” you say in a quiet voice.

“I know, I locked you in.”

“What’s wrong with you? That’s insane Steve!”

Adrenaline rushes through your body and you start pacing. Everything is telling you to get out. This is not what you signed up for.

“I quit.” you say defiantly.

Steve rushes toward you, pinning you to the wall. None of your self defence training helps you. He’s so much bigger and stronger, trying to fight is a joke. You know your best bet is to stun him somehow and run but you can barely move.

“You can’t quit doll.” He brushes a hand down your body, giving your butt a squeeze. Your eyes widen in shock.

“I’ll report you.”

“To who?”

You start thinking, your eyes darting back and forth. He slides his hand into the front of your pants and rubs the bulge in his pants against you. your breath hitches and you relax your body a bit. You scream at yourself to do something. The hand in your pants rubs against your clit expertly and it takes everything you have not to let out a moan.

“Ah, I see you’re getting it.”

His finger slides to your entrance and he prods you before submerging his finger. You gasp at the intrusion and realize that he’s barely holding onto you anymore. Your hands grasp his shoulders and you lean against him.

“This would have been much easier if you had followed my plan. You had to go putting yourself in danger.” He chides.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please you’re scaring me Steve.” you say,

“It was going so well but you’re unpredictable, flirting with that barista.”

He pushes his finger in deeper and you whimper.

“If I don’t take action now I might lose you and I can’t lose you.”

“Get away from me,” you beg.

He grasps your hip painful tight.

“You're my girl now, ok? My girl doesn’t disobey me, especially not on missions.”

He pumps his finger, coating it with slick.

You realize that he won’t listen to reason but you try anyway.

“I’m so sorry you’re right I’m your… your girl, just let me go please.”

He pulls his finger out and gives you a kiss.

“See, there’s a good girl.”

He pulls a ring out of his pocket and places it on your finger. His watch vibrates and he looks at it before kissing you on the cheek.

“We can celebrate tomorrow.” He winks.

He leaves you in the hallway and you back into your room, shaking and crying.  You don’t care if he locks you in again. You need to be in a place where you feel somewhat safe and can process everything that just happened. You take the ring off and throw it across the room.

The night is spent curled in your bed crying and the next morning you walk self consciously to the kitchen. Bucky sits at the counter eating cereal and he knits his brow when he sees you.

“Hey, what’s wrong.”

You shake your head.

“You can tell me.” He looks at you with his big kind eyes and you decide to confide in him.

“Steve… assaulted me. He’s out of his mind, saying all sorts of crazy stuff. I don’t know what to do.”

Bucky holds you close.

“You’re his girl Y/N, don’t provoke him and you’ll have a good life.”

You tear yourself away and look at him with disbelief.

“It’s not a secret Y/N and we’re on Steve's side.”

You back away and head straight for the exit hitting Tony on the way

“Woah, what’s the rush?”

“I quit.” you say, tears starting to fall.

“You can’t quit princess, you’re Steve’s.”

Your breaths become shallow and your head starts feeling light.

“How did you think you got the job in the first place Y/N?”

You run to the elevator slamming the button over and over but it won’t let you down.

“What’s wrong with Y/N?” Thor walks over.

“She’s having a hard time adjusting to being Steve’s,” Tony answers.

“Let me out.” you yell.

Steve comes out of nowhere catching you in his arms and you throw your head back and duck. He stumbles back. Other Avengers start to gather and you pull your fists up in defense.

“I want to leave.”

“Come with me back to your room doll, it doesn’t have to be this hard.”

You stand your ground and Steve goes into a fighting stance. You don’t even have a chance, he has you trapped in his arms within minutes.

“I don’t understand.”

“We got your application in the mail. As soon as I saw your picture I knew you were the one I’ve been looking for.” he coos.

“Why go through the whole facade?”

“Use your brain Y/N. Everyone knows we’re together. There’s pictures of us everywhere online. You’ve talked to friends and family about our relationship. It won’t look weird when you drop off for a while because of your job and when you come back engaged nobody will blink an eye.”

“No.”

You look at the Avengers, you’re family. None of them do anything to help you. Every single one turns their back and walks away nonchalantly like it’s just another normal day.

Steve drags you to your room and closes the door. He walks over to where you threw your ring grabbing it off the floor, and places it back on your finger.

“This doesn’t come off again,” He says.

You look at the ring and back at Steve over and over trying to make sense of all of it. Steve walks purposefully to the drawer you keep your candles and lights several, placing them around the room.

He backs you into the bed and undresses you slowly and meticulously. He sits back and looks at your naked body, taking his time touching and examining every piece. He grabs your legs and parts them, looking at your pussy and two fingers in.

“So wet for me already.”

You shake your head and he lands a slap on your thigh.

“No.” He commands.

“Be good so I don’t have to punish you. You’ve seen me work, you know what I’m capable of.”

You bite your tongue and force yourself to lie still as he slams his cock into you. You cry out in pain and he rubs your arm and whispers sweet things. He kisses you as he pushes his cock deep into you. He grabs your chin and squeezes until you open up and let his tongue in.  you reach out and grab his arms and he pulls at your leg until you hug them around him.

“You can come Y/N.” he whispers

You shake your head.

He reaches between you and pushes against your clit. You fight against it for as long as you can but it becomes too much. An orgasm crashes over you and you flutter around his cock. He thrusts hard enough that you get pushed into the headboard and seconds later he’s coming in you. He smiles down at you, lovingly stroking you face.

“I love you Y/N”

You stay silent and he pulls you into a constricting hug.

“Don’t worry doll, you’ll love me soon.”  

You’ve always been the type of person to jump into things without thinking. It’s gotten you into plenty of trouble throughout your life. You’ve always been able to get yourself out of it,

but this time.

This time you jumped too far.

[iadoreyouharry]

His Reputation

summary: Y/N and Harry are in High School. The two of them absolutely hate each other but have to work together at an English assignment. 

pairings: Harry Styles x reader

warnings: Angst and swearing. 

word count: 3,6K words

a/n : To be honest, i don’t really know if i like it that much, but i still wanted to share it with you! Please let me know if you liked it! :)

Today was the first day of senior year. Y/N couldn’t be any happier about finally starting her last year. She was over with this shit show of a school. First of all, Y/N didn’t have many friends. She tried to make them, but they were mostly put off by her appearance. She mostly wore dark clothes and didn’t always have a smile on her face. She barely put any effort into her make-up, only some mascara what was smeared out at the end of the day. 

But nonetheless Y/N had one best friend. It was hard for Y/N to open up to people and she could be cold and distant to a stranger at first, but if you get her to trust you she was literally a sweetheart. And so, it happened to be that Y/F/N won the trust of Y/N. 

In contrast to Y/F/N, Harry Styles was the person Y/N would never trust, even if he was the last person to exist on this planet. The hatred towards him was big. 

Harry Styles was a captain of the High School football team and was pretty popular. Freshman guys looked up to him, they aspired to be as good as him in Football one day. And the girls would drool all over him in the hallways. Even though he got a generous choice for girls he was still single. Some people said he didn’t want to have a relationship because he focused too much on football, others said he might be dating someone secretly. Y/N didn’t care about all this bullshit over Harry. She lived her life without having to obsess over a stinky football guy. The funny thing, she was the only one.

“How can you not like him?” Y/F/N asked Y/N. 

“How could you like him?” Y/N responded. “He is so full of himself, I’d almost think he wants to marry his self later.” Y/N chuckled when she saw him looking in the tiny mirror in his locker, fixing his hair. “Why would he care so much about his hair, god damn.” 

Y/N closed her locker and walked away from the scene. Girls were admiring from a little distance, but all you can do was find the nearest bathroom to puke. 

Harry tried sometimes to talk to Y/N, but it was short conversations. Y/N would respond back with short and cold answers and would cut off the conversation immediately. 

Y/N may hate Harry, but Harry did find Y/N interesting. He was confused as why she didn’t like him? How could someone not like him? He knew he was handsome and attractive; how could she not see it. But because she didn’t like him Harry felt more attracted to her. She was mysterious and he liked it. He only didn’t show it. After trying to talk nicely to her, and not succeeding, he became cold and harsh to Y/N too. 

After 3 full years of pestering each other on and off they were not thinking off ceasing this year. 

“Hey, Raccoon, still didn’t learn how to do some proper make-up?” Was one of the first things Harry yelled at Y/N when she walked into school. Y/N’s reaction? holding up two middle-fingers in Harry’s direction with a fake big smile. 

Y/N and Y/F/N said their goodbyes when they split to go to their classrooms. First period would be English. Y/N sat down in the back corner of the room to not be seen. The start was good, the teacher, Mrs. Anderson, talked about her summer break and introduced herself. She even showed pictures of her two dogs. But then hell broke loose. Mrs. Anderson paired people together to interview each other about their summer break and write a whole essay about it. Y/N hated projects where you needed to work together. But she hated this project even more when she heard who her partner would be. 

“And then next, Y/N Y/L/N together with Harry Styles.” Harry looked to Y/N with a smirk on his face and all you could do was put a middle finger up. Gladly Mrs. Anderson didn’t see it. 

After class Harry walked up to Y/N. “Please, fuck off.” Y/N said and grabbed her bag to leave. 

“You need to talk to me, otherwise we will both fail this class.” He said and crossed his arms. 

“Fine, then I’ll fail this class, everything to not have to talk to you.” 

“For a fact, I know you can’t fail this class, or you can’t graduate.” A crooked smile could be seen on his face and his head was tilted a bit. “So, what do you say, mine place, or yours?” 

“Library after school sounds just fine.” With those words, Y/N walked off to her next period. 

//

After school Y/N walked to the library to work on the project with Harry. She had told the horrible news to Y/F/N but the only thing she could say was: “Maybe you two might actually talk for once, and maybe even slightly be friendly to each other.” Y/N thought she was crazy and that that never was going to happen. 

Once in the library Y/N found a spot and pulled out her laptop to be ready for the interview she had to take. But Harry was nowhere to be seen. The thought of mailing him came through Y/N’s head, but that would look desperate, and Y/N was everything but desperate. 

After a good twenty minutes Harry finally showed up, he was dressed in his football uniform, and his hair was one big mess. “Practice took longer than expected.” he said. He took place across from Y/N and laid back in his chair. 

“I don’t care what the hell you were up to.” Y/N snapped. “Just be in time.” 

“Jeez, why so grumpy?” Harry laughed. Y/N was already irritated and couldn’t wait for this god damn project to be over. “So, what do we need to do?” 

“Didn’t you listen to the explanation of Mrs. Anderson?” 

“No.” 

Y/N sighed and tried to explain calmly what the two of them needed to do. 

“So, we need to interview each other?” Harry asked, “and then need to write an essay about each other’s summer break?” Y/N nodded. 

“Exactly, it isn’t that hard.” 

“If it isn’t that hard, then why won’t you write both of our essays?” Harry proposed. “You wouldn’t have to see me, and I wouldn’t have to do anything.” 

“Do I look like your little slave? I’m not going to do that, idiot.” 

After a while the two actually started to ask each other questions about their break. Y/N tried to come up with good questions and tried to answer Harry’s questions as well as possible. But his answers were short and Y/N couldn’t work with those, and let’s not talk about the questions he asked. 

“Aren’t you going to write my answers down?” Y/N noticed that Harry didn’t write anything down on his notebook during the whole interview. 

“Nah, I’ll remember it.” He crossed his arms and smiled. “Or, I’ll just come up with something.” 

“You can’t do that.”

“Oh, and who are you to say that? You’re not my teacher.”

//

The whole afternoon was full of the two fighting like this. and Y/N was relieved when they called it quits. They weren’t done, far from. Y/N didn’t have enough to get a whole essay to write, and she was sure Harry didn’t either, with his dumb ass questions. 

“So, when are we going to work on this further?” Y/N asked when she packed her stuff. 

“I thought we were done?” 

“We are far from done, how do you think you are going to write a whole essay about my break with this little information.” Y/N rambled. 

“Just, like I said. I’ll come up with some stuff.” 

“You can do that,” Y/N said, “But I’m not going to, so we’re going to meet up again to work on this horrible project, if you like it or not.” 

Harry put his hands in his pockets and was thinking about it. “Fine,” he finally said. “But, at my place tomorrow after school.” 

“I don’t fucking know where you live, Styles.” 

“I’ll just text you the address.” Harry already walks away. 

How in the hell was he going to text her if he didn’t even have her phone number? Y/N decided that wouldn’t be her problem. 

When Y/N got home she decided to make a start on her essay. Even though she didn’t have much to write about she stretched the hell out of everything and finally got at least one page full. The fact that the main thing Harry did in his break was playing football made Y/N laugh. How can a person be so dedicated about a school sport? When he didn’t play football, he hung out with friends. At least that’s what he had told Y/N. 

Harry played so much football to get away from his house. His parents were fighting all the time and Harry didn’t like being in the middle of it all. At home he often was in his room listening to music on 100% volume to zone out of the real world. Harry liked music, he has a guitar and he also likes to sing, but he keeps that to himself. Sometimes he even wrote songs, but would never let anyone hear them. The lyrics would be hidden away in an old book in a drawer in his room.

Of course, he couldn’t tell Y/N this was what he was doing in the holidays. He had a reputation of being the hot football player who wasn’t afraid of anyone. And even though he knew he could get any girl, he still was insecure. He was scared people would see when he hadn’t slept all night because of his parents. The bags under his eyes would sometimes be so big, he put his mother’s concealer under it. Nobody would notice. 

Harry was glad that his parents finally decided to get a divorce, and his dad would move out. It was quiet in the house, finally. And Harry got to have a good night sleep again. His bond with his mum had grew since, and he was really glad for it. 

When he got home he went to the kitchen where his mum was preparing dinner.  He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and then sat on the counter. 

“How was school, darling?” 

“I’ve got to do a stupid project for English class with that stupid girl, Y/N.” Harry’s mum knew he didn’t like Y/N, but she disagreed about how he talked about her. 

“Harry,” she said warningly. “You probably don’t even know her that well, maybe she’s a really nice girl.” 

“Sure, that’s why she’s so cold and harsh to me.” 

“Maybe she has her reasons?” Harry walks off unagreeably. He loved his mum, but in this case a little less. He knew Y/N was stupid. She didn’t like him, so why would he be nice to her? He tried it long ago, and that didn’t go well. Why even try now?

//

After school Y/N was walking to Harry’s house. It was a fifteen-minute walk and rain poured down. She forgot to bring an umbrella and was now soaking wet. She already felt the embarrassment of sitting in Harry’s room, clothes dripping on his floor. Amazing. 

After fifteen minutes of walking, Y/N arrived at Harry’s place. It was a cozy house, not too small, not too big. Y/N didn’t expect Harry to live in a house like this. She had more the image in her head of a big house with big entrance and huge garden. 

She walked up to the door and rang the bell. Anxiously waiting for someone to open it. After a few seconds a woman opens the door and squeaks when she sees Y/N. “Oh, you must be Y/N! come inside it must be cold!” Y/N follows the woman into the house and there they stood in the hall. “I’m Anne, Harry’s mum.” the woman says. “You’re soaking wet, darling. Do you want something warm to change into?”

“Oh, no I don’t want to bother-”

“I��ll get Harry to get you something warm.” She yells upstairs for Harry to come downstairs and get Y/N some warm clothes. Harry’s face speaks for itself, he’s already done with this bullshit, but does what his mum tells him to. 

Anne told Y/N to just follow Harry and it would be alright. So, she did. Harry walks into a room, Y/N guessed was his. The walls were painted in a light color and it was clean. Y/N imagined his room full of football supplies, but she saw nothing what was related to football. While Y/N was looking around the room Harry was picking out some of his old clothes. He gave them to Y/N and told her she could get changed in the bathroom. 

Harry had given Y/N some sweatpants and his old football shirt. It was way too big on her, but it was better than the wet clothes she was wearing. Anne offered to put her wet clothes in the dryer so Y/N handed them over to her. 

When Y/N walked back into Harry’s room Harry looked up. He didn’t want to find Y/N cute in his old clothes, but he did. And he hated himself for that. It was just cute how the clothes were way too big on her. She awkwardly stood in the door opening and waited for Harry to say something. 

“You can sit on my bed.” Harry offers while he was already seated at his desk. Y/N plops down and grabs her laptop from her bag. Y/N was confused, as to why his mum was so kind and caring while Harry was far from that. 

The two, were to surprise, working great together. Harry finally asked some good, deep questions and Y/N was glad to give some good answers in return. After an hour the two were finished interviewing each other without any hassle. 

Harry dropped on his bed with a big sigh while Y/N was still seated at the end of it. “Glad that’s over with.” he says while staring at the ceiling. 

“Yes, indeed.” Y/N answers as she puts her laptop away. “I’ll get my own clothes again so I can leave.” 

“They’re probably not dry yet.” Harry says. “You can stay a little longer if you want, I can make you a cup of tea?” In this hour of not fighting with each other Harry began to see why he was interested in her four years ago. He saw her ticking away on her laptop with her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth. It was funny how she made weird faces while typing out some of the answers. And he admired when she giggled sometimes. It wasn’t a lot, but for some reason it felt like home. He knew he couldn’t be harsh to her right now. 

“Why are you so nice to me all of a sudden?” Y/N asks suspicious. Harry was never nice to her, so something’s got to be up. 

“It was peaceful today, I liked it.” 

“I thought that was just to get over with this project.” 

“No, I-, do you want tea or not?” Y/N chuckled and nod her head.

She was still surprised Harry was acting so nice out of nowhere. She had do admit she really liked this side of him. But she was still scared he’d change at a glance. Maybe he only was this nice because there was nobody else and his reputation couldn’t be destroyed. 

Harry already was off to the kitchen so Y/N was alone with her thoughts. She really wanted to believe he could always be this kind, but she needed to see him like this at school. She was scared that if she would open up, just a little bit right now, he would use it against her, and pester her even more with it. 

After 5 minutes Harry comes back up with two cups of tea and hands one over to Y/N. “Thank you.” She says with a slight smile. It was silent while the two of them while slurping their tea. 

“Y/N I can’t do this.” Y/N looked up at Harry in confusion. She knew it, he couldn’t fake being nice to her. Of course, she was right. It was just an act. “I can’t act like I hate you, when I actually like you, you seem really nice.” 

“What?!” Y/N almost spits out her tea. “How?” she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “Then, why were you always so rude to me?” 

“Because you acted cold and harsh towards me!” he exclaims. 

“Ow.” 

Dead silence. 

“I’m just not so open towards people I don’t know, I don’t trust people that easy and i can be cold, i guess.” Y/N explains. “I always thought you just picked on me.” 

“No, in our first year of High School i really tried to talk to you in a nice way, but you always cut off the conversations.” 

“So, because I was cold to you, you became cold and mean to me?” 

“Yes, i guess so.” Harry takes another sip of his tea. “I guess the tea is hot today.” Y/N laughed and gave nudged his arm. “Can you trust me now?” 

“Well, no.” Y/N says. “How can I know you really mean this?” 

“I just don’t pester you the upcoming days on school? If you don’t either?” he extends his arm. “Promise?” Y/N nods and takes his hand. 

“Promise.”

//

The next week the two of them didn’t snap at each other and it was peaceful between the two of them. They also didn’t speak to each other, but sometimes they would send each other a small smile in the hallways. 

Y/F/N noticed the sudden change between Y/N and Harry. “What is going on, why aren’t you guys fighting all the time?” 

“We came to our senses, and agreed we should stop being mean to each other.” Y/F/N was shocked. She saw the two of you fighting each day for the last three years, how was that changed of a sudden?” 

“But, you literally hate each other.” 

“Well,” Y/N begins. “I thought he hated me, but it was me who was harsh to him in the beginning, so he became harsh to me too because of that.” 

“So you hated him for being mean, but it was your own fault?” 

“Exactly.” 

“And you’re sure he won’t start picking on you again?”

“I hope so.” Y/N gulped. “He promised it.” 

“Let’s hope” Y/F/N says cheery. “Because I’m liking this truce.” 

When Y/N was walking in the way of a bathroom she walked by Harry and his friends. 

“100% you’re going to pick on her again next week.” She hears one of his friends say laughing. 

“Yeah, absolutely.” Harry confirms and laughs with his friend. 

“What the fuck, Styles?!” you blurt out. Harry looked up in shock after hearing you. He wanted to say something but you ran into the bathroom. 

“Y/N,” he stood by the door to try and talk to you. He heard his friends behind him laughing but he didn’t care. Why did he care so much about this stupid reputation, it wasn’t meant for Y/N to hear that, he didn’t mean a thing he said, he just wanted his friends to like him? “Y/N, please.” he repeated after she didn’t respond after the first time. After the third time of not responding he walked into the girl’s bathroom not giving a fuck. 

“Go away.” Y/N yelled. Harry could tell she cried a bit and tried to cover it up. “You don’t care about me.” 

“I do, I really do Y/N.” 

“Didn’t seem like it back there.” 

“Y/N I have a reputation here.”

“Exactly, and getting a truce with me would ruin it, go ahead, let’s ruin each other’s lives again.” Harry wanted to come closer to Y/N but she pushed him away. “If that fucking reputation is so fucking important to you, mister fucking styles, then go ahead and save your reputation.” She punched Harry on his chest. For harry it didn’t hurt that much, but Y/N really needed to relieve her anger at him. Harry grabbed her wrists so she stopped hitting him. “Let me go!” she exclaims. Harry doesn’t let go and stares deeply into Y/N eyes. 

“Fuck my reputation.” Harry says. He leans forward and crashes his lips onto Y/N. At first Y/N was in shock by the sudden kiss but was soon joining him. Their lips were in sync. Harry grabbed Y/N’s cheek and stroked it with his thumb and Y/N’s hands were all over Harry’s curls. The anger she had really was outed in the kiss and it made it even more passionate. The two couldn’t get enough of each other, and they both realized that this was the thing they both wanted, but tried to put that feeling away for so many years. 

“Harry.” Y/N begins as the kiss came to an end. “Are you sure you want to get rid of that reputation, for me?” 

“one hundred percent.” He grabs her hand and squeezes it. “please, trust me.” 

“I want to, but how do i know you won’t keep talking about me like that.” referring to the scene with his friends from a moment ago. 

“You still have my football shirt from the afternoon we did the interview?” Y/N nodded, Harry said she could keep it because it didn’t fit him anymore. That was a lie, he wanted her to have it, it looked adorable on her. “Please, wear that to school tomorrow, and I’ll gladly show you off to everyone in this school.” 

[cold-ugly]

🥀 𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖉 & 𝖚𝖌𝖑𝖞 chapter 1

       Sleepless hours trickled past as I lay huddled under a fortress of blankets, waiting for the alarm to go off. I rubbed my stinging eyes, and sat up in bed, shivering in the freezing AC. I hastened to quiet my alarm before it woke the prison wardens - that's a special word for family. With all my will, I removed myself from the blanket fortress, and flipped on the light, blinking in stark contrast to the pitch darkness I found security in. I glanced at the mirror on my wall, disappointed but not surprised. As I stood up, haze clouded my vision, and static flooded my head.

       I fell back onto the bed in a rush of pins and needles. I sank onto my knees to the floor from my bed, to hastily retrieve my clothes scattered upon the floor. I squeezed into my sports bra, and began the lengthy process of layering tank tops with shirts with sweaters with hoodies, leggings with jeggings with sweatpants, socks with socks with socks - and more socks. I struggled to get my socked feet into my red sneakers. Into my pockets, I stuffed my phone and headphones, and a little box with my pipe, bud, and a lighter. I sipped on water as I peeked out the window, noticing that the sun had yet to rise, before I began the descent into madness. I turned off the light, closed my door without a sound, and tiptoed down the tiled hall to silently slip out the front door. I stashed my little pot box beneath an evergreen, then trudged up the hill towards the sidewalk.

       I gave a few shakes of each leg to loosen my muscles, as I plugged in the headphones and chose my playlist of songs with intense climaxes and heavy breakdowns. At the first note, my heart rate preemptively elevated. I sprang into a light jog, the piercingly cold November air practically slicing my cheeks. The sun was only a tease of dim light hidden behind the horizon. Being atop a tall hill, I gazed below onto the misty winter countryside, the barren trees floating by as I sprinted. The burning in my fingers and toes subsided into numbness, and each dry breath hitched in my sore chest. With each footstep I felt the reverberation of my jiggling thighs. As my stomach cramped, and I wanted to lay down in the frosted grass, I rested my hand onto my absent ribs, snuffed under layers of clothes and flesh. I ran harder. I didn't count laps, there was no end goal, no ribbon, no finish line, no winning this race. I'm finished when my knees buckle, until the next moonlit morning.

       Panting, nearly heaving, I trudged downhill, the melting frost soaking through my worn-down sneakers. Once safe behind the evergreen, sheltered from any prying eyes, I unpacked my little box. I squatted to use my thighs as a table (they're surely huge enough) to set down the pipe as I packed in the fluffy weed. After several failed attempts, I finally managed to light the bowl with my numb fingers. The first breath of warm smoke after I'd been gasping such freezing air burned my hoarse throat, and as it filled my lungs I relaxed. With my exhale, I released a gorgeous cloud that dissolved into the gradually lightening sky.

       I snuck back into the living room, the AC nearly as cold as outside. As my door clicked shut, the first stirrings of morning life emerged. Through our shared wall, my sister's alarm blared incessantly. I shed my layers, tossing them back to the floor where I found them, slipped on my black fuzzy robe, and tied my unwashed hair into a greasy bun. I stuffed my headphones and tiny bud box into the front pocket of my leather backpack, then headed toward the bathroom. On my way, I heard my mom's door creak open, and I hurriedly slipped away behind the safety of a locked door. I ran the water hot, tossed the robe onto the counter, and stepped into the delightful ecstacy of warmth. As I looked to the water spiralling down the drain, I noticed the strawberry-red color of my fingertips and toes thawing. I shivered under the water for who knows how long, until rapid knocks interrupted my peace. I shut off the water and bundled myself in a towel, grabbed my robe, and opened the door.

       "You took a shower, but you didn't wash your hair? That's disgusting." My sister remarked. "Save it, I never see you brush your teeth. Your teeth are gonna end up like your brain: full of holes." I shoved past her and hustled back to my room, sighing in annoyance. I dried off and quickly dressed in a huge grey sweater over a t-shirt, and black fleece-lined leggings. After taking down my hair, I tried to brush it but gave up, and tied it back in a high ponytail. I checked my phone to see no texts, set an alarm for fifteen minutes, and placed it on my desk. I opened my laptop, turned on some music, and went to Minecraft. After the fifteen minutes was up, I zipped up my boots and threw my backpack over my shoulder. I headed to the kitchen to retrieve my half-gallon of lemon water from the fridge. My mom was standing at the counter adding splenda to her black coffee. "Good morning," she croaked. "Good morning," I echoed politely as possible, grabbing my water and setting it on the counter next to my sister's sequined lunchbox. On cue, she appeared, and grabbed a bowl from the cabinet next to me. As she poured her lucky charms, mom commented, "Why don't you eat the cheerios? You know that shit is loaded with sugar. Y'know it can cause cancer-"

"Mom, c'mon," my sister interjected, "it's already in the bowl." I rolled my eyes and headed toward the door. My mom called after me, "So what, no breakfast?"

"I eat at school, you keep forgetting."

"They serve you crap there. You're letting them kill you."

"Them and everyone else," I grabbed my coat from its hook on the wall, and left.

       Secure again behind the evergreen, I squatted to pack my second bowl, and puffed it as I scrolled mindlessly on my phone. My instagram and school email each had several notifications that I continued to diligently neglect. To my right, someone's footsteps crunched in the grass. I peeked through the leaves, relieved to see my sister's pink coat. She ducked behind the tree with me, and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket.

       "Now that is disgusting," I commented as she lit one of her cancer-sticks. She dismissively shrugged her shoulders. After all of mom's lectures that everything is a carcinogen, it's no wonder my sister is so desensitized. We smoked in silence until we heard the distant screech of the bus braking at the top of the hill. I stashed my box underneath the tree in a shallow hole, and covered it with leaves. We sprinted to the bus stop, joining the rest of the high schoolers in the neighborhood as they filed into the musty vehicle. I took an empty seat near the middle and put my backpack next to me, while my sister went to sit with her friend group at the very back. I plugged in my headphones, adjusted my coat, and took my notebook from my backpack to finish the homework I should’ve done a week ago.

       I dropped off my backpack in front of my first class on my way to the breakfast line. As I queued with the other students, I scrolled through the fashion inspiration pictures saved in my phone, in a special folder. My heart shattered at each flawless photo of people my age flaunting the clothes I wished I could wear. While moving slowly through the line, I grabbed a gatorade zero and an apple juice. Walking back to my first class, I passed several people I’d grown up with since elementary school, and as they talked amongst themselves like any happy normal teen, I seemed to phase right through them. I took my assigned seat near the front, and placed my notebook on the desk to hurriedly finish the homework.

       Students rushed through the door as the bell rang. Whoever sits in front of me appeared to be absent, so I propped my feet up in the seat. I was still scribbling the last few answers onto my paper as the national anthem blasted over the intercom. My peers shot nasty looks at me as I remained seated while they stood. After all the sheep had finished baa-ing the pledge of allegiance, the teacher called for homework to be passed to the front. Amidst a symphony of zipping backpacks and rustling papers, two girls in the row next to me obnoxiously squabbled over a phone. “Let me see it!” one wailed. I sipped my apple juice while I observed the girls grappling to rip the phone out of the other’s hand. As they wrestled for the phone, it flew, like a projectile, and knocked the bottle out of my hand. I gasped in shock as the juice splashed all over me.

“What’s going on?” the teacher demanded. I sped over to her and presented my drenched clothes. “Can I please go change? I spilled my drink. I’m sorry,” I replied. “Oh, okay, go ahead. I’ll call the janitor.” I grabbed my backpack, and rushed out of the room.

       I took a detour to my locker and grabbed my gym bag on the way to the bathroom. Once locked in the very back stall, I dropped my coat to the floor and pulled my sweater over my head. Relieved that my undershirt was surprisingly dry, I dug in my gym bag for a new long-sleeve. I pulled out the sneakers, shorts, and socks, emptied the bag, and my heart sank. The long-sleeve wasn’t there. Why the fuck isn’t my shirt in here? I sighed and held my head in my hands. What the fuck am I going to do? I shoved the wet clothes into my gym bag, put my sneakers on them, and stuffed in the clean clothes on top. Sitting on the bathroom floor, I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my arm on them. Damn it. Now I remember that I took my gym shirt home yesterday because I wanted to switch it with the red one, but I forgot to bring the red one today. Typical.

        On my way down the hall, I noticed the custodian leaving my classroom. “Sir,” I called after him, “I’m so sorry you had to clean up my mess. Must have been a sticky situation." He chuckled, “It’s no issue, I’ve seen worse.” I smiled, and told him to have a good day. As I returned to my seat, the teacher called my name. “This is the assignment, hon, it’s just questions one through twenty on page 103 of your textbook. If you do twenty through thirty, you'll get bonus points,” she handed me the paper. As I outstretched my hand to take it, I followed her gaze to my lacerated forearm. I snatched the paper and hustled back to my seat, where I took out the textbook from my backpack and flipped through the pages. God, she saw my arm. She's going to tell on me, fuck, they're gonna call my mom again. How can I get out of this? What page did she say? 130? 113? I consulted the board, and saw it was blank. With no shoulder in front of me to peek over, I strained to glance at the neighboring row, and frantically combed through my book to find a page that looked similar to theirs. Someone got up and turned in their assignment before I even found the correct page.

       Sitting in my second class, I skimmed over my notes for the test while I waited for the bell to ring. My left palm remained flat on the cold desk, sheltering my forearm. Throughout the class, I tried to be so invisible as to draw no attention to myself. I labored on each answer of the test, in an effort to bring up my grade, and consequently quiet my mom’s bickering. As I glanced around the room, I noticed other students finishing up while I lagged behind.

Knock knock.

My heart skipped a beat.

“Is Ren here?” asked a student assistant from the guidance counsellor’s office.

My teacher replied, “We’re in the middle of a test, can this wait?”

“Sorry, it’s urgent.”

“Ren, could you come here please?”

     I brought my test with me, and gave it to the teacher, who notified me that I’ll need to finish it during lunch. I nearly held my breath as I approached the door. The assistant told me to go with him. I trailed him silently down the halls, and took a seat in the office. “Your counsellor will call you back in a minute,” he reported. With my arm in my lap, I glimpsed around the walls at all the motivational posters with meaningless quotes, heart pounding in my chest. I can’t fucking believe I let this happen. As I looked around, I noticed a girl sitting in the chair in front of me, who was entranced by the pastel blue, stickered, and bedazzled DSI in her hands. Her hair was half black and half lavender, divided into two long braids, and a pink sweater draped elegantly over her freckled shoulders. In her lap perched a white purse shaped like a cat. “I like your purse,” I blurted, “I love cats.”

Her chestnut-brown eyes drifted up to meet mine. “Thank you,” her voice was silky and small. “They’re my favorite. I have three, how many do you have?”

“I actually can’t have cats right now, my mom is allergic,” I admitted.

“That’s awful,” she pouted, “you should see mine.”  She took out her yellow phone and showed me her lockscreen, a calico cat. “This is Muffin! She’s so old! And so chunky.”

“She’s adorable,” I smiled, and noticed I’d been biting my nails.

“So are you here for the group?” she inquired. I gave her a puzzled look.

“Uh, which group?” I asked, confused. Like, a high school version of narcotics anonymous?

“Y’know, the counsellors made a girls group,” she replied, “for our mental health.”

Oh.

       “That sounds cool,” I sighed. It’s already uncomfortable enough that I have to use the women’s restroom. “So you should join!” she squealed. I looked to the floor, and noticed her sparkly sneaker was untied.  “Your shoe is untied.” She raised her leg to inspect the shoe, and frowned. “I don’t know how to tie them,” she whined. I raised an eyebrow, and almost held my tongue, but offered, “I could do it for you.” She smiled and extended her foot to me. I knelt, and tied the laces in a double knot, then double-knotted the other shoe. “Thank you! You’re so nice. So if you aren’t here for the group, then what are ya here for?”

        Silent, I looked at her, reaching for a possible explanation that wouldn’t freak her out. Her face softened, and she gestured to my arm. She saw. She hates me now. “Is it because of the cuts?” I nodded, my face burning red in shame. “It’s okay,” she reached out and patted my knee. “It’s just an inconvenience, right? Just an uncomfortable conversation, and then it’s over.”

       “They’re gonna call my mom,” I confessed, “I don’t wanna get into it with her. I just got my door back a couple weeks ago. I seriously don’t want to do this again.” She stared at me silently, then her eyes suddenly lit up. She bent down to rummage in her cherry-print backpack, then tossed into my lap a light yellow jacket. “Maybe they won’t make you roll up the sleeves,” she chirped hopefully. “Thank you,” I slipped on the soft jacket and cringed at how tight the sleeves felt around my arms, realizing I probably can’t even zip it up over my stomach. She beamed, and a door clicked open. “We’re ready for you,” a counsellor informed the girl. She cheerfully stood up, waved bye to me, and disappeared into the room. Her jacket smelled clean and sweet, the way fresh snow looks like it should taste.

[whimsandvanillalattes]

"You?" (Part 2)

Pairing: Kwon Jiyong (G Dragon) x Reader

Genre: Soulmate AU, Romance, a dash of fluff

Soulmate AU Prompt: Soulmates have identical counters that count the number of times they have passed their soulmate.

Part: 2/?

Part 1 | Part 3

Alternatively titled: Y/N and GD think too much.

A/N: Thank you everyone who read the first part and everyone who liked/left comments/reblogged. It means the world to me. Also, I’m so so sorry for not updating sooner. As an apology, accept this really long part! Another thing I want to add is that I’m more used to writing OC stories rather than reader centered ones. I really tried to make Y/N gender neutral but for some reason I couldn’t make that work. I’m really sorry about that too. Please bear with a Fem!Y/N here. For my next story, I’ll definitely make a gender neutral Y/N.

-

You swore under your breath as you veered around an elderly couple. You had overslept and if you didn’t reach the train station in another minute, you were going to be late for class. You lived at the university dorms so you had never really been late before. But you and one of your best friends had had a sleepover at your other best friend’s house and last night had been spent binge watching Lee Jong Suk’s dramas (in honor of his enlistment, and because you just loved him). Unlike you, they didn’t have morning classes so now they were sleeping soundly at home while you were just hoping you reached class before your professor.

Luck was not in your favor though, because you encountered one of the largest crowds you had ever seen (and you had seen a lot, considering how much of your free time you spent going to music shows and fan meets) at a little distance from the station. You saw some people taking pictures and, while you were offended on behalf of their center-of-attention whose privacy was being invaded, a part of you was tempted to stop and see which idol or actor was causing this commotion—you were sure it was either of the two because that was the only logical explanation. But your professor’s angry face appeared before your eyes, and you seriously wanted to not fail, so you pushed through the crowd and got to the station.

About ten minutes into your journey, your phone began to vibrate. Intensely. You pulled it out of your pocket and saw a ton of notifications. Most were from twitter, accompanied by a single one from a tabloid. You clicked on that, figuring it would make more sense than the frenzy of tweets. The headline read:

BIGBANG’S G-DRAGON spotted enjoying his military leave with his sister.

The article went on to say that he had “attracted a lot of attention.” So GD was on a leave? And so-called fans and paparazzi—or should you say Dispatch—wouldn’t even let him relax on his break. Now, you wouldn’t call yourself a VIP, but you had been listening to K-pop since you learnt the language and regarded BIGBANG as one of K-pop’s legendary groups. You could sing along to most of their songs and many of their solos (maybe you should call yourself a VIP). Which made you not exactly happy about how GD was being treated.

The tabloid article also had pictures. Dispatch is fast, you thought. He was wearing a black mask and a cap, so his face was barely visible. It was surprising how anyone had managed to recognize him. But then again, you had recognized him in the photos immediately so it wouldn’t have been hard for longtime VIPs to do the same. Taking a closer look at the photos, you noticed something strange. His surroundings looked familiar. Two years of living in Seoul had made you quite well-acquainted with the city and with a start, you recognized his location. The crowd you had just encountered had been caused by him.

The fangirl inside you freaked out. You had walked right past THE G-Dragon. A part of you cursed yourself for wanted to be a good student and not stopping, while another part tried to convince you to get off the train at the next station and run back. The more rational part of you, however, curbed all these stupid ideas. Enough people had swarmed him already without you joining them. Besides, you had a class to get to.

Scrolling through the comments, you were in the midst of adding one of your own to rebuke Dispatch for invading his privacy and making him uncomfortable when something on your wrist caught your eye and you almost dropped the phone. Setting it down on your lap, you turned your wrist over.

And gasped.

The 0 you were accustomed to seeing on the inside of your right wrist was not there. In its place was a cursive 1.

-

You ended up skipping the first class, not because you didn’t reach the university on time, but because you spent about half an hour in the toilet bawling your eyes out. You had finally passed the boy you had wanted to meet your entire life. Only, you had simply passed him, without even realizing it. What were the odds of meeting the guy you passed only once in your two years in Seoul, especially when you had passed each other at or around a busy train station? You weren’t one to be pessimistic usually, but it was frustrating how you moved to an entirely different country for your soulmate, but you hadn’t even been able to find out what said soulmate looked like.

Your bad (awful) day didn’t end after that. Sleep deprivation combined with narrowly missing your soulmate lead to a terrible mood and a terrible headache, you learnt, and you were not able to concentrate in any of your classes. So, several consecutive classes later, you had a clear plan in your head. You were going to crash onto your bed in the dorm and catch up on at least a bit of the sleep you had forsaken for Lee Jong Suk. You would worry about your soulmate when you were thinking straight.

Naturally, you forgot to set your alarm.

For the second time that day, you overslept. This time you were running late for work. Unlike class, you had been late for work several times and knew that your manager would absolutely kill you if you were late again. So, you got dressed in a frenzy, almost left all the lights switched on, and, for the second time that day, you ran for your life.

You reached the coffee shop you worked at ten minutes after your shift started and thankfully your manager thought a warning glare was enough punishment. You hurried to the employees’ room at the back of the shop and changed into your uniform. A quick peek in the mirror informed you that you looked like a mess. Your dark circles had somehow intensified and your hair resembled a bird’s nest, courtesy of the fact that you hadn’t bothered to brush it. It was frustrating how this was what you looked like the day your soulmate showed up (though you were sure he hadn’t noticed you either). You pulled it back into a ponytail in a measly attempt to tame it. While it was not the most effective, at least now you looked less like a homeless sleep deprived person and would gladly face your soulmate if he showed up at the coffee shop. Which was next to impossible, because he had never come here in the two years you had been working here.

The smell of coffee began to put your mind at ease once you settled down at the counter. As you prepared two teenage girls’ orders—a strawberry shake and an iced americano (totally contrasting drinks, you mentally noted)—you fell into a sort of routine, unlike the events of the morning. That put you in a comparatively comfortable state of mind and your thoughts finally began to align themselves. Usually, you kept a novel or a textbook with you during your shift but having very conveniently forgotten to bring anything with you afforded you the opportunity to think of your soulmate—who hadn’t really left your mind all day anyway. Maybe he took the morning train from that station everyday and you hadn’t ever crossed him before because that was not your usual route? You often stayed at your friend’s house, so you had taken trains from that station many times though. Had the timing always been wrong? Or had your soulmate recently moved to Seoul? Was he from another city? Busan? Daejeon? Pyongyang, North Korea?

A loud grumbling sound broke your train of thoughts. With a start, you realized it had ensued from your stomach. The only thing you had consumed the entire day was a cup of coffee and some cookies you had found in your bag. You were starving. A particular red velvet cupcake, with cream cheese frosting, had caught your eye and was enticing you to have it. The only customer in the shop was seated at a table by the window, typing away at his laptop. He had been like that for about an hour, his now cold coffee abandoned on the table. You could afford a snack break, then. There was at least one perk of working at a place that had food. You retrieved cupcake and quickly punched yourself a receipt which included the 20% employees’ discount, adding the due amount to the cash register. You settled down on a stool and indulged in a bite of the heavenly cupcake (that you enjoyed more than you normally would because of the lack of food in your system).

The bell above the door rang, and you tried to swallow it down so that you could greet the new customer. You glanced towards the door and nearly choked on said cupcake. Walking towards the counter, wearing a black hoodie and the same cap he was wearing in the picture you had seen earlier but having somehow lost the mask, was Kwon Jiyong. Aka GD. Aka G-Dragon.

What? How? What is he doing here? Is it really him? But-

Incoherent half-thoughts ran through your mind, but the gist was wondering why he was here of all places. Was it because this particular coffee shop was not in a mainstream area? Or had he suddenly craved coffee and had been tempted by the fact that there was only one other customer?

You were able to regain some of your composure and uh, not choke by the time he got to you. Your manager’s hawk eyes were on you and you could not afford to appear unprofessional, no matter how much you wanted to squeal and ask this man for an autograph. He probably noticed that you knew who he was though because a wide smile appeared on his face and you nearly melted in a puddle (Be professional, Y/N! you scolded yourself internally.) Either that, or he had found your almost-choking antic amusing. Possibly both.

“Good evening, sir!” At least your voice hadn’t betrayed you.

“Hello,��� he said, raising his eyebrows. “Your Korean pronunciation is pretty good.”

“Oh, thank you.” A blush threatened to appear on your face. “I’ve been living in Seoul for a while.” And I’ve been learning Korean for more than a decade, you decided to not add.

He ordered an iced Americano and you began to prepare it for him. Unlike with most customers, you felt extra nervous, mainly because you could feel his eyes following you. You were just hoping not to mess up.

“You know,” he began, “I thought you would ask me for an autograph. I know you recognized me.”

Whoops, busted!

You smiled. “I want to, but my manager would kill me if I do, so I can’t.” Conversing with him had seemed like a hurdle two seconds ago but now that he had initiated conversation, it was just…natural. As if talking to Kwon Jiyong was the most normal thing in the world and something you had been doing your entire life.

He chuckled. “You’re that scared of him?”

“I can’t afford to lose this job,” you said, shrugging as you handed him his drink. You had never seen him in person before, and you were a pretty big fan of his, but after your initial shock, you couldn’t help but wonder at how comfortable you felt talking to him. It was strange because you were the kind of person who could never be completely relaxed talking to an ordinary person for the first time, much less talking to an idol.

“I guess I can give it to you the next time I come here, then.”

Now that was something that made you almost freak out. “You’re going to come here again?” you asked. It was hard to mask the excitement on your face, and he seemed to find that very amusing. At least, that was what you inferred from the wide gummy smile that adorned his face, and you couldn’t help thinking of how cute it looked.

He took a sip from his drink. “Well, the coffee’s good,” he grinned, “So yeah, I am.” His phone buzzed and he glanced at the screen.

“I need to go now.” He stepped back from the counter. “See you next time.”

“Bye!” you called out. He waved at you over his shoulder as he opened the door and for some reason you were waving back, not caring that your manager was rolling his eyes at you.

*

“Oh, sit down already!” your roommate and one of your best friends, Soo-jin, whined. You rolled your eyes as you plopped down on your bed next to Min-ji, your other best friend.

“Okay, now spill,” Min-ji ordered. You had briefly told them what happened the entire day and they had deemed it too important to discuss in the morning, so the three of you were now gathered at your dorm room. Min-ji was the friend whose house you had had a sleepover at the previous night. She had decided to stay at your and Soo-jin’s room that night so you could talk peacefully.

“What do I start with, GD or soulmate?”

“GD!” they cried in unison. Both of them had been BIGBANG fans since they were kids. You told them how you had seen a crowd in the morning which had turned out to be because of him, and then how he had showed up at your workplace. When you finished, they just stared at you for a second.

“Woah,” Min-ji breathed out finally. “You’re so damn lucky.”

“But he is so sweet!” Soo-jin exclaimed. The fangirling was starting now. “He even asked if you wanted an autograph.”

“I know right. And telling her that he’d come again!” Min-ji was almost squealing now. She looked at you. “How did you even survive it?”

“I almost didn’t. I’m just glad I didn’t totally freak out and left a, you know, terrible impression.” You shrugged. Now that you thought of it, it was odd that he had talked to you at all. Hadn’t he been ambushed by enough fans already for one day? He knew you knew who he was, so why talk to you any more than necessary? In any case, the three of you discussed (err, fangirled over) him a little longer before Min-ji remembered you had another important matter to discuss.

“What about your soulmate, though?” she asked. “When did you pass him?” Both of your friends had already found their soulmates. Min-ji’s happened to be her neighbor so they had known each other almost their entire lives. Soo-jin’s soulmate was one of your seniors and they had met a little after she started university.

“My counter changed to one in the morning.” You leaned back into a pillow. “I noticed when I was on the train. We probably crossed on the station, or when I was rushing to it.” You sighed. If only you had been paying more attention to your surroundings, you would have met yours too.

“Hey, what if your soulmate’s one of those Dispatch photographers?” Soo-jin exclaimed. You snorted.

“Dispatch? Seriously?” You rolled your eyes at her. You could always count on your friends to find all sorts of weird ways to cheer you up.

“That’s totally possible, though,” Min-ji added, playing along. “Didn’t you say he’s older than you?”

“You’ll have to start stalking Dispatch’s professional stalkers!”

“That might actually end up being a good thing.” You laughed. “I’d know all the latest gossip.”

Min-ji nudged you with her foot. “Show us your counter.” You thrust your wrist towards them. They promptly gasped, as you had expected them to. Your friends tended to be quite dramatic too.

“I know,” you began, “it is surprising. I was so shock—”

“Y/N,” Min-ji interrupted, “when did you last check your counter.”

“When I was leaving for work, I think. Why?”

“Well, it’s not Dispatch, for sure,” Soo-jin whistled.

“What?”

“Look at it again.”

You did, and you gasped too. Your wrist didn’t say 1 anymore. Now it read 2.

-

To say that Jiyong was confused would be an understatement. He was far beyond confusion. He was conflicted in the worst possible way. His entire day had been…chaotic. It hadn’t entirely been bad—he had experienced intense excitement and adoration at one point—but it had not been an ideal way to spend his break. Even trying to make sense of everything that had happened made his head throb.

When he had managed to disengage himself from the swarm of paparazzi at the station, he noticed that the counter that had read 0 for the past 20 years suddenly read 1. He had always imagined he would be overjoyed at this occasion. Strangely, he hadn’t been anywhere near overjoyed. He had become too used to living as if he had no soulmate. The discovery that not only did he have one, but that his soulmate was very close was a change he hadn’t seen coming, and it was not entirely welcome. And, he had to admit, he was also frustrated because he had only passed his soulmate, rather than actually meeting.

He had decided he needed coffee to clear his head and had taken great pains to find a place where he could get it without attracting public notice (again). At least, he had thought that was his consideration. But, in hindsight, it could have been the soulmate pull. They did say it worked in strange ways. How else could he, out of all the coffee shops in Seoul, have ended up at the one his soulmate worked at? Crossing her once in a day could be a coincidence but meeting her again in the span of some hours could most certainly not be one. In any case, he had winded up at her workplace. There, he had encountered a cute, albeit quite young, foreign part-timer who knew him, he had realized immediately. After the rough morning, he should have bolted but something had compelled him to stay. And he had discovered that the part-timer was fun to talk to.

He hadn’t realized she was his soulmate until he got back to his car and his manager pointed out that his counter had changed again. That was when things had begun to click in his head and the reason talking to her was fun started to become clear. He had been tempted to run back inside and tell her this new turn of events. But that had been accompanied with thoughts of rejection that held him back, and he had felt suffocated beneath a variety of emotions. Instead, he had told his manager to drive on.

That was why he was currently lying on his living room couch, a steaming bowl of ramen he suddenly did not want to eat abandoned on the mahogany table in front of him and all the lights expect the one in the hallway switched off. The atmosphere was gloomy, but he liked it better that way; it was a perfect representation of his inner turmoil. Her eyes, wide with excitement and surprise as they had been when he had mentioned coming again, seemed to be permanently etched in his brain. Now that he had uncovered her identity, the pull felt even stronger. His entire being was craving her. And she had moved to Seoul, so that would mean she was looking for her soulmate too. Had she put two and two together yet and realized she was actually looking for him?

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake off the doubts. He had gotten his counter when he was ten, so that would mean she had to be twenty. He had always known about the age gap, so it didn’t really bother him. It wasn’t like she was a minor or anything. But was she okay with it? All her knowledge about her soulmate came from whatever he had first said after she was born. He didn’t even remember what he had said. He just hoped it wasn’t something stupid. In any case, the most she could have inferred from that would be that he was a Korean man a few years older than her. There was a big difference in being a few years older and around ten years older. And did she even want him as her soulmate? His life hadn’t really been a pure, sinless, scandal-free one. She probably knew about that.

And most importantly, he didn’t like the pull. His mind was sort of sick of the effect the bond was having on him. It wasn’t her fault, but it made him want to avoid her at all costs.

What was he to do now? Go to her the next day? Or pretend his counter still said 0? Coming to a conclusion was not easy. He told himself to wait until his enlistment was over and then approach her. If she wanted to find him, she wouldn’t leave before she did. But even when eventually he drifted into a light, troubled slumber, he had not managed to convince himself.

[unfolded73]

How Do We Get Back (14/16) - schitt’s creek ff

Surprise! I’m posting early because with Thanksgiving approaching, the rest of my week is slammed.

Summary: In a literal alternate universe where the Roses escaped financial ruin, David and Patrick struggle with loneliness and a sense that something isn’t right. A chance meeting in New York and a terrible tragedy drive them to question whether the timeline they are on is the right one. Explicit, this chapter 3.8k words.  (ao3)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13

Okay, I have a lot of notes on this chapter, so listen up!

1. Thanks to @j-philly-b for giving this chapter a careful read to make sure the plot made sense. Oh god, so much plot to tie together here. It gave me hives.

2. I’ve mentioned several gods from actual mythology in this fic, but Istus is from Dungeons & Dragons. So thanks to Griffin McElroy and The Adventure Zone for the characterization and even a couple of her lines, which I lifted out of the TAZ: Balance arc.

3. As I posted a week ago, this is what I’m picturing for Istus.

_____________________________________

Chapter 14

It was still raining when he woke up the next morning, and Patrick had to admit that he wasn’t in any hurry to go out and search for their mysterious homeless woman. He looked over at David, still asleep, his cheek pressed into the pillow and his hair sticking up in a tangled mess from his head, stubble dark on his cheeks. I’m in love with him, Patrick thought. It wasn’t a maybe for him, not now, not after last night. He would have been happy to just spend the day in bed, not thinking about what was going on in the outside world. Not thinking about the fact that something supernatural, something that didn’t fit into his analytical worldview, might have touched his life. He’d finally found the person that maybe he was meant to be with, and he wanted to just enjoy that for once. He wanted to protect it from the world.

David, in contrast, woke up to his phone alarm with determination on his face. He wasn’t even deterred when he discovered that Seamless was down and that he couldn’t get breakfast delivered, and he sent Patrick out to pick up food while he got ready for the day. By the time Patrick returned with egg sandwiches balanced on top of a tray of coffee cups, David was sitting at the table, studying something on a laptop computer and making notes in his journal.

“You didn’t see her, did you?” David asked as Patrick shook out his umbrella.

“No, but I saw a scary number of police cars, given that I only walked two blocks.” Patrick sat down with David and began unwrapping his sandwich.

“There are a fuckton of homeless shelters nearby,” David said. “This may take a while.”

It did.

A lot of the places that had popped up on google when David searched ‘homeless shelters’ weren’t actually that: they were thrift stores or soup kitchens or the offices of volunteer organizations. By asking around, they were finally able to find their way to a few shelters where they might find their missing woman, but by mid-afternoon, they’d had no luck.

The rain had finally let up, but David’s earlier determination was clearly melting away. “Let’s go back to the apartment and rest for a bit. Maybe she’ll turn up in your neighborhood now that it’s not raining.” He gave David a quick kiss on the cheek.

It almost wasn’t a surprise when they turned the corner toward David’s building and there she was in her usual spot.

As she watched them approach, her shoulders sagged with what looked like relief.

“You went there, didn’t you?” she asked.

“Went where?” Patrick asked. Let her say the name of the place if she really knew so much.

“Schitt’s Creek. Where all of us belong.” the woman responded.

“How do you know all this?” David asked.

“I’m a technopagan. I’ve known for years that the timeline took a wrong turn, and the people I work with online narrowed it down to the fortunes of your family. My mission was to come here, David; to watch you, to try to nudge you in the right direction.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Now… if you want to know more, some food and a shower would be appreciated.”

David grimaced.

Patrick put a hand on his arm. “Why don’t you go pick up some food and I’ll take her up to the apartment, okay?”

David pointed to the woman’s cart. “That doesn’t come into my apartment.”

“Okay, David,” Patrick said with two quick pats on David’s shoulder. “Maybe get me a reuben?”

David made another face. “Incorrect, but I’ll get you a reuben.”

“What’s your name, by the way?” Patrick said as he accepted David’s key and ushered the woman toward the building.

“It’s Gwen.”

~*~

“I’ve been here in New York for almost a year. My husband doesn’t know anything; he probably assumes I’m not coming back. Although if you two can fix things, maybe it won’t matter what happens on this timeline.”

That’s what she had said to him months ago, Patrick remembered as he chewed a bite of his sandwich, that he needed to fix things. “What makes you think we can fix things?”

“That’s what all the portents tell us,” she said mysteriously, which didn’t really answer anything at all. It seemed like the kind of thing that someone who termed themselves a ‘technopagan’ would say, whatever that was.

“I don’t understand why my family has anything to do with anything,” David said.

“Why has the fact that your father didn’t lose all of his money led to the downfall of society?” She laughed, running her fingers through her drying mop of gray hair that looked way overdue for a trim. “If I could answer that, I’d be leading our coven, not living rough on the streets of Manhattan, believe me.” She took a big bite of her sandwich, and then proceeded to continue talking while she chewed. “My people have been trying to answer that question for ages. A million tiny things changed when the Rose family continued to live as they had in New York. Moira Rose had acting roles she wouldn’t have otherwise had. Johnny employed people he wouldn’t have otherwise employed. Eli went to jail and interacted with other white-collar criminals he wouldn’t have otherwise spoken to. Alexis traveled places she wouldn’t have otherwise traveled. You sold art that wouldn’t have otherwise been sold. Any one of those things, or a combination of them, has sent the world down a path that’s just a bit darker than it should have been. It’s chaos theory.”

“I still don’t get how you know all of this,” Patrick said.

“I lived there, dummy. You’ve been to Schitt’s Creek, so I don’t have to tell you about that place, right? There are a few places around the world that work that way. Windows to parallel worlds. And I have ways of quite clearly seeing how things were supposed to be: the Rose family there and the town revitalized by your presence.”

“The store?” David asked.

Gwen nodded. “Among other things. I mean, I would have preferred Christmas World, but you can’t have everything. And people love Rose Apothecary; some of them drive all the way from Elmdale to shop there.”

Patrick snapped his fingers, suddenly remembering. “You’re Bob’s wife!” He recalled the town gossip not long after he’d moved to the town, that Bob’s wife (Bob of the eponymous garage) had left him.

“He’s been clueless about all of this, poor lamb,” she said. “And then I was summoned here, so I had to drop everything and go.”

“What was the plan?” Patrick asked.

“I only got pieces of it; the leaders of the coven aren’t exactly forthcoming. I do know they’ve been trying to get you two together in the same place for a while. Attempts to lure David to Canada didn’t work; I myself spent at least a month in the public library crafting emails to David about art shows in various parts of Ontario.”

“I don’t read spam,” David said.

“When Patrick got married, we were pretty disheartened, but then he took that business manager job and the goal became getting him to a conference here,” Gwen said.

“Wait,” Patrick said. “The conference in Hoboken was you?”

“I mean, it was a real conference, but I did send some of the emails about it to you,” Gwen said. “And to your boss.” She put the last bite of her sandwich into her mouth. “Then it was just a matter of getting David to a bar where you could run into each other. As I understand it, someone hacked your Tinder account.”

“Oh my God,” David said, and Patrick couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that in the midst of all of this, David had the space to be offended about the integrity of his Tinder account.

“So we met because of these techno-wiccans?” David asked.

“Technopagans, and yes.” Gwen grinned at them. “I mean, we couldn’t make you actually hook up with each other, of course. That part of was all you two.”

Patrick grinned back, images of those nights flashing in front of his eyes, but David’s face had gone ashen.

“What about Alexis?” David said quietly.

“David—” Patrick began.

“No, because we hooked up but then we went our separate ways. The thing that brought us back together was Alexis dying. Did the technopagans do that too?”

Gwen shook her head. “No, absolutely not. We don’t murder people,” she said emphatically and she looked like she was telling the truth as far as she knew, Patrick thought, but she didn’t know everything. She’d admitted that she only saw pieces of the operation.

“So what do we do now?” Patrick asked.

“You go to this address,” she said, grabbing David’s diary and pen and flipping it open to a blank page. David’s hands twitched like he wanted to rip it out of her hands and was restraining himself. Once she’d written the address down, she handed the diary to David.

He raised an eyebrow. “Nice neighborhood.”

“Well, she is a goddess. What do you expect?”

~*~

David looped his arm around the subway pole, trying not to touch anything with his hands. He hated the subway. It was dirty and smelled bad and germy people stood way too far inside his personal space. His other hand was clutched in Patrick’s as they made their way uptown.

“Maybe I should have tried uninstalling the app and reinstalling—”

“David, it seems pretty clear that Uber is no longer functional, at least in New York,” Patrick said.

“Then we should have taken a cab.”

“Did you see any cabs?”

David pouted, his eyes darting around at their fellow passengers again, trying to assess if any of them were ill with a communicable disease.

Finally, the doors opened at their destination, and David and Patrick pushed their way out into the 77th Street station, making their way over to the nonfunctioning escalator. They climbed the metal stairs and emerged into the early evening twilight, walking east.

“ID please,” said a bored police officer standing by a crowd control barrier.

David reached for his wallet. “What is this?”

The police officer took his driver’s license and stared at it. “You don’t live up here; I can’t let you through.”

“Show her the address, David.”

David opened his diary and showed the police officer the address that Gwen had scrawled inside it. “We have an appointment at this address,” he said, hoping that the police officer didn’t ask the next logical question, which was ‘with whom?’ Because David had no idea.

Instead, the officer looked back over her shoulder, where the brownstone they were headed toward was only another half block away. She sighed. “I’ll escort you, but if you’re lying to me, you can expect to spend tonight in jail.”

David met Patrick’s eyes. Were they expected? Reluctantly, he squeezed through the gap in the barrier that the cop widened for them, Patrick following. The cop set a quick pace despite her stature, and David trotted a little to keep up. She stomped up the stairs to the door and rang the bell, eyes darting back to the post that he suspected she wasn’t supposed to have abandoned. David and Patrick stood two steps down from her, like street urchins looking for a place to spend the cold night.

The woman who opened the door was strikingly beautiful. She wore a peasant blouse and a long floral skirt, bare toes sticking out beneath it. She had an astounding number of tight, black braids on her head, some of them piled up in a messy topknot and some of them hanging down past her waist. Deep brown eyes took them all in.

“These gentlemen say they have an appointment at this address,” the cop said.

“They do,” the woman said, nodding. “David, Patrick, it’s so good to see you finally. Come in.”

The police officer nodded. “Have a good evening, then,” she said before hurrying back up the street.

The woman stood back, opening the door wide, so David took Patrick’s hand and walked through the door.

She led them down a dark hallway to a small room, where a rocking chair stood before a crackling fire in the fireplace. “Sit down,” she said, gesturing to a couple of high-backed, overstuffed chairs. Dropping each others’ hands, they sat.

It was a nice, cozy house, but every time David tried to look at something specific, like a hanging on the wall or a knick knack on a shelf, it seemed too far away and blurry to bring into focus. Meanwhile, the woman seated herself in the rocking chair, picking up some knitting from a basket and moving it to her lap. The needles started to move, almost too quick for David to follow. His eyes followed the… scarf?... from the woman’s hands to where it trailed down into the basket, and then beyond, into… well, he couldn’t really see where it ended. Maybe it didn’t end. He shook his head, trying to clear it.

“My name is Istus. Some people call me the lady of fate. Some call me the goddess of destiny. But Istus is fine.” She smiled a small smile. “I must say, the two of you are just in time.”

“Goddess,” Patrick said flatly. “I’m sure you can understand my skepticism.”

She chuckled, the rhythm of her needles never stopping. “You’ve seen your alternate futures. David, you saw first hand the connection that the artist Carmen Herrera had with the ethereal plane. Patrick, you heard Ash talk about Hela and her worshipers in Norway. Even Gwen’s technopagans are divinely inspired, after a fashion. Is it really that hard to believe in me when I’m sitting right here in front of you?”

“But you could just be… you know. A person,” Patrick said.

“Could I?”

And no, no she couldn’t. No human being had ever been as beautiful as Istus was, the perfection of her brown skin and the angle of her eyes and the shape of her lips. An actual, literal goddess. David felt a tear slide down his cheek.

“Ironically, the sickness of the world has made us more powerful, although I don't like to brag. But humans are starting to notice us more, worship us more, and… I’m not gonna lie, it’s kind of nice? But it’s not the way things are supposed to be.”

“Okay,” David said to prompt her to go on.

“You’ve been to a liminal space and gotten a glimpse at another reality, a better one. Well,” she said with a tinkling laugh, “maybe not better from the perspective of the Rose family fortune, but better in other ways. It’s unfortunate that you’ve seen something you cannot have. Most humans aren’t ever burdened with that kind of knowledge.”

“You’re the one who said you were a goddess of time and fate or whatever,” David said. “So fix it. Undo it and do whatever it takes to get us to that place.”

“David, if it were that easy, the world would have been a lot less shitty a long time ago,” Istus said. “Do you think you’re the first people to come to me and ask me to change the past?” She smiled to herself. “There was a famous comedian who feared that he’d inspired the current U.S. president to run for the office by making fun of him at the Correspondent’s Dinner. He came to me and asked me to undo it. But when he understood the price, he backed out.”

“What was the price?” Patrick asked.

“Uncertainty.” Her needles paused long enough for her to run a hand down over the scarf. “I can pick out the threads of a certain event, but other things will change, and even I don’t have enough power to control for everything. So in that case, yes, I could make it so that he never made those jokes. But I couldn’t guarantee that his children would still be born. In fact, it was very likely that they wouldn’t be. Other children, perhaps, but not the ones he already knew and loved.” She shrugged, resuming her knitting. “He couldn’t go through with it.

“I can make certain that Eli gets away with his theft, and that will almost certainly drive the Roses to Schitt’s Creek, which with any luck will set civilization on a slightly less terrible path. I’d even lay good odds on that saving Alexis’ life, if for no other reason that she won’t be on that yacht. But I can’t guarantee she won’t die another way. And I certainly can’t guarantee that the two of you will ever meet. In fact, I’d say it’s highly unlikely.”

David looked over and met Patrick’s eyes.

“But I went to Schitt’s Creek in both realities,” Patrick said, and David could see the effort he was making to treat all of this like it was a reasonable topic of conversation. “This one, and… and the one we dreamed about.”

Istus made a scoffing sound. “Coincidence. The odds of you ending up in Schitt’s Creek after you ran away from your engagement to Rachel are…” She held up her fingers to her face and counted on them for a moment. “One in one hundred seventy thousand.”

“So I’ll track him down,” David said. “I’ll find him.”

“You won’t do anything of the sort, because you won’t remember him.” She rolled her eyes. “I know you’re new at this, but try to keep up. What you’ve asked me to do is unweave time to the moment that Eli gets away to the Cayman Islands with your father’s money. You won’t have ever heard of Patrick Brewer, so how can you track him down?”

“Can David and I talk alone for a moment?” Patrick said, standing up.

Istus shrugged. “Certainly.” She indicated the door with an upturned palm. “The rest of the house is at your disposal.”

Patrick pulled David up out of his chair and marched him down the hall into a sizable kitchen. As soon as they reached the center island, Patrick swung around and pinned David down with a serious stare.

“I still don’t know if I believe any of this, but if you can save Alexis, and I guess the world, then you have to do it,” he said.

“No, I know, but…” David fumbled with the hem of his sweater. “She could be lying. There could be a way to save Alexis and have you too.”

“I don’t think she’s lying.” Patrick huffed. “I think she might be certifiably insane, but I don’t think she’s lying.” He put his hands on David’s biceps. “Regardless, I’ll be fine. And you’ll have Alexis.”

David nodded, and there wasn’t any doubt in his mind what his choice should be. But it didn’t mean that he didn’t feel it in a rising lump in his throat, in a thundering in his heart and a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He pulled Patrick in for a hug, and the feeling of Patrick’s lips against his neck as he let himself be pulled unlocked David’s tears.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either, David.” Patrick squeezed him tighter, kissing his neck again. “And if I don’t get another chance to say it…” He pulled away and looked David in the eye. “I love you.”

David shook his head, another tear falling. “You don’t have to say—”

“David. I hope you know me well enough by now to know that I wouldn’t say something like that if I didn’t mean it. I know it’s soon, and that we haven’t spent all that much time with each other, but…” He laughed a watery laugh. “I don’t know, maybe I absorbed something from that alternate reality we dreamed about. All I know is that I’ve fallen in love with you, and you know what?” Patrick’s eyes flashed with determination. “I’ve just decided that I don’t care what Istus says, I’ll find my way back to you in any reality. I swear it.”

With a sob, David put his hand on the back of Patrick’s head and pulled him in for a fierce kiss. He opened his mouth against Patrick’s and tried to pour everything he was feeling into that kiss.

“This isn’t the last time I’m going to kiss you,” Patrick said when they finally parted.

David wanted to believe him more than he’d ever wanted to believe anything, but deep down he knew this was it for them. It brought him a burst of courage to say what was in his heart. “Maybe I absorbed something from that other reality too because I… love you. I’m also… I’m in love with you.”

The expression that bloomed on Patrick’s face was heartbreaking, and for just a second David changed his mind — let the world burn if he could just have Patrick, if he could lock himself away from all of it and just be with Patrick. But then he remembered his sister, he remembered Alexis, and he dismissed that idea. He’d never be able to forgive himself knowing he could have done something to save her and hadn’t.

“I’ll find you,” Patrick said.

“One in one hundred seventy thousand,” David whispered.

Patrick winked at him, a terrible wink that caused his other eye to half-close, and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “I can beat those odds.”

It was a lie and David knew it, but he clung to it as they went back into Istus’ den.

“Okay. Do it,” David said. “Make my family poor and save the world.”

Istus gave him a long look and then nodded. Holding up her knitting needles, she let a stitch slip off of the pointed tip of the right needle and drop. She pulled the needles apart, stretching the yarn, and the stitch continued to slip down, creating a long scar, a gap in the middle of the rows.

“If my sister isn’t alive in this new world, then I will make destroying you my life’s ambition,” David said, grabbing for Patrick’s hand for strength. He was feeling weak, and like his vision was narrowing, but Patrick’s thick fingers threading between his helped.

Istus laughed. “You won’t remember me, but I take your point.”

His vision was only a pinpoint now, and he squeezed Patrick’s hand tighter.

“And if it helps?” Istus said.

“What?” He’d lost his vision entirely, and he was no longer aware of his body in three dimensional space anymore. He was just a consciousness now, the apartment and Patrick and the world around him gone.

He heard Istus’ voice distantly, from down a deep tunnel. “David Rose. You’re going to be amazing.”

Chapter 15

[rogsclogs]

Some Day One Day (Brian May x Reader); part 5

Hello there! The first half of this was already written before my laptop died on me weeks ago, so I was able to finish it pretty quickly. I hope you enjoy, can’t wait to get on with this story. Feedback is always appreciated :)

Taglist: @brighter-thanthe-sky @im-a-sheerheartattack @fruityfreddie @discodeacygotmorerhythm @ladylannisterxo @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @queenismylifenow (if you want to be tagged please message me)

previous parts are found under the ‘some day one day’ tag!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian spent the whole 25 minutes between the phone call and Y/N’s arrival pacing around his living room in a worn out shirt and a pair of briefs, his mac and cheese long forgotten and his mind lost in space. He’d tried to tidy the house a bit, hiding dirty clothes and his daughter’s toys under the bed and in old plastic boxes, but his nerves couldn't let him focus on one task and he ended up ignoring most of the chaos he’d made.

He didn't know why, but he truly wanted to make a good impression on Y/N and for her to like him for who he was, although he knew that wasn't the reason she was coming over. He shouldn't even have had those thoughts in the first place.

He stared at the door for a couple of minutes until the doorbell rang and he felt his heart try to break his ribcage apart. 

After taking a quick look at himself in the small mirror he had hung in the hallway and shaking his head at the image reflected back, disappointed at his appearance with bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep he’d been experiencing lately and curly hair all over the place from running his hands through it way too often, he hurried to the door to not let her wait outside too long, considering how cold it had gotten that night.

When he opened it, he was shocked to see a very distressed Y/N who somehow looked tinier than usual with her shoulders hunched and makeup stains all over the soft skin of her face. Before he could stop his actions, he reached out and gently wiped the area under her eyes with his thumbs, holding her cheeks in his palms as she leaned into his right hand seeking comfort and affection. 

“Hi Brian”

“Hi my love, did you drive here?” He asked with concern, not wanting her to get behind the wheel in such a state.

“I did. It’s fine though, I’m a pretty good driver” 

“I don’t doubt that, but you should be careful. You could have asked me to come pick you up”

She shrugged and detached her eyes from his own, not needing to be scolded from him in such an emotional state. 

Brian stepped aside and finally let her in his apartment. She took notice of everything that surrounded her, the pictures on the walls and the shelves, the shoes that were left abandoned by the closet and the different pieces of forniture, some of which strongly contrasted with each other. She noticed an old black and white picture of a very young Brian holding a guitar and smiling at the camera and took it in her hands, admiring his features which she realized hadn't changed much since his youth days.

“You play?” For some reason that detail about him surprised her, maybe she thought someone as dedicated to physics as him couldn't have many other hobbies. To be honest, the guitar looked amazing on him, like he was meant to have it on himself at all times.

“I do. That picture is older than you probably, it’s from 1969. But yes, I do play, I’m in a band with a couple of my friends”

He smiled fondly at the memory of him and his three best friends playing for small crowds when they were younger and full of life as he watched Y/N take in every detail of his house. It wasn’t very big, anything he earned from his job he spent on spoiling his daughter, but it was cozy and homey, and Y/N thought it represented him very well, with scattered papers all around and posters of planets and galaxies almost everywhere. 

“I’d love to hear you play one day” she said before something caught her attention: a very tiny pink shoe left laying on the ground, which Brian must had forgotten to put back in its place previously. 

The thought of him having children had never crossed her mind for some reason, but in that moment she realized that she shouldn't have made assumptions, after all she knew almost nothing about him. He noticed her eyes wandering and took a close look at her reaction, not knowing what to expect from her.

“You.. have kids?” The words sounded even stranger on her tongue.

“I, uhm, I have a daughter, yes. Emily. Yeah. She's not here tonight though, don't worry” he blushed profusely at the idea of Y/N knowing about Em, he didn't even exactly know why but to him it was always a struggle to open up about anything even remotely personal. 

“I never thought you’d be the kind of person to have children Brian, but that's absolutely adorable”

He swiftly took his wallet from out of his old bag that he usually brought to school and pulled out a tiny picture of a very smiley, red cheeked and wide eyed little girl, proudly showing it to Y/N.

“This is her, she's the love of my life”

Y/N examined the picture, trying to find little clues that connected her to Brian and, in fact, finding many and realizing just how similar the two were. She was fascinated by the little girl and by the idea of tall, lanky professor May being a dad. 

“She’s beautiful, Brian. She looks just like you” she said after a while, hoping that with that statement she had made it clear that she thought he was also extremely beautiful. Actually, the word beautiful couldn't even begin to express the way she saw him, but it was a start.

He smiled fondly at the girl in front of him seeing genuine interest in her eyes. 

“You might meet her one day, I’d love for you to” as he spoke those words he realized just how true they were, he realized he wanted Em to get to know Y/N and watch movies about fairies and princesses with her, and he couldn’t understand why. Emily had a mother already, granted she wasn’t the most maternal person in the world, but she tried her best just like Brian did. Sometimes he felt like she didn’t do enough though, Emily would often come back home to him from a weekend spent with her mother craving affection and physical contact, so did that mean that her mother wasn't able to provide those things for her? He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Y/N grabbed Brian’s hand and held it close to her body without thinking twice, she knew that would bring her comfort and all she wanted was a break from the emotional pain.

“Sorry for getting here so late, you’re always so kind to me but you really didn’t have to invite me here, maybe you had better plans in mind than listen to me whine”

“Don’t even say that love, I couldn’t stand knowing you weren’t okay and not doing anything about it”

Brian lingered a bit longer than usual on the last words, wondering if it was alright for him to keep going.

“I have grown quite attached to you Y/N, I only want what’s best for you, I hope you never forget that” he decided to say.

Almost instinctively he opened his long and skinny arms, letting Y/N crash her head on his firm chest then wrapping them around her, bending his head so that his curls would caress her cheeks as she left tears stains on his shirt.

“I’m such a mess Brian, I don’t know how to go on from here, I feel lost, I mean, I wasn’t even able to pass this test and that's a clear indication that I’m never going to achieve anything in my life” she was able to shakily let out a few words in between sobs and sniffles. She didn’t know what pushed her to feel so free and able to let herself be emotional around a man that she clearly didn't know that well after all, but there was an aura around him that smelled like home and family and love, and Y/N had never had much of any of those things.

He knew she wasn't thinking straight and that she was allowing her negative thoughts and insecurities run wild and take over her brain, he’d been in that same position many times in his own life. 

“Take a deep breath baby, you’re fine and I promise you’re always going to be fine. If it takes us two more years to get you to pass that test than that’s how long we’re gonna be working for. You’re gonna achieve such great things in life and I can tell because you’re so young and yet so determined and willing to fight already, that's not something everyone has in them. You are special love, I truly want you to learn to see that. Failures teach us how to keep going, not how to quit”.

His words were wonderful and spot on, she didn't know how he always somehow knew exactly what to say in any circumstance, but in that moment she felt the need to cry her feelings out, and Brian didn't question her, he understood her even when she didn't say a word. 

“Shall we make tea? Would that make you feel better in any way? It’s not magic, but I can make it for you just like my mom used to make it for me when I was young and ill, it’s life changing I promise” he said with a gentle expression on his lightly freckled face. 

All Y/N had to do was nod and she suddenly found herself sat on the kitchen counter staring at the gentle giant in front of her who was currently fixing her tea, she didn't even have it in herself to wonder how she got there because for once she felt like that was exactly where she belonged.

Brian could feel her eyes on him the whole time and he didn't mind the attention at all.

He handed her a steaming cup and got one for himself. Silence surrounded them, but it wasn't an awkward one, it was rather calming for Y/N’s nerves and excruciating headache. She was able to recollect her thoughts and realize just how lucky she was to have his support available at any hour of any day.

“I should probably head back home soon Bri, if my parents find out I’m not in my bedroom they're going to flip on me”

“What did you tell them about the test?”

He didn't know anything about her parents apart from the few things that had slipped from her mouth every once in a while during their tutoring sessions, but the fact that their own daughter was currently at his apartment seeking help and emotional support instead of being with them told him more about the kind of people they were than any words could. 

“I just said that I tried my best and that I won’t know how I did for another couple of weeks at least, then I gave them a big fake smile and disappeared. I kept it simple”

Brian nodded understandingly then wrapped his arms around her once more, not for any specific reason, but he felt that she could have used an extra hug. He felt weird, in a way that he would never be able to explain to himself even years after these events took place. He felt his stomach twist in a nervous knot and an overwhelming urge to kiss the girl and never let go of her. He wanted to be physically and emotionally connected to her and show her that not everything in life was so terrible after all. He wanted her, night and day, all of her.

A big part of him, however, knew very well that what he wanted was morally questionable.

He couldn't just go and kiss her without at least talking to her about it first, what if that's not what she wanted? She could have gotten him fired if she’d spread the word to anyone in school. Was it worth risking his whole career over this one girl? (Yes, yes it was).

Maybe if she hadn’t been his student and years younger than him things would have been different, but anyhow he was able to keep those urges under control by holding her tighter against his body, allowing himself to pretend for a second things could actually be different. 

He couldn't believe his own conscience, but his feelings were stronger than anything he’d ever experienced and later on, when Y/N left his house despite his concerns about her safety and his offer to let her sleep over for the night, he found himself wishing he didn't have so much self control. 

[cravingcrazewriting]

youwillbefound.org

Trigger Warning- Mentions of suicide attempt and suicidal thoughts.

youwillbefound.com is a safe haven for any troubled teens/young adults who are looking for someone to find them. This site intends on being a place to reach out to others and to find them as you wold want yourself. Harassment is strictly prohibited. If we find you are abusing this site to target and harass people who are suicidal then you will be banned firstly for a week, secondly for a month, and thirdly will be a permanent ban and removal of your account. We hope you find whatever you're looking for on youwillbefound.com and we wish you the best of luck! Have a fantastic day!

What was Evan doing?

It wasn't like him to get a social media. It wasn't like him to rely so much on people, but yet he did, for no reason whatsoever. He did meet someone who he could trust, and needed help as much as he did. It was nice. He only had a few other friends who friended him out of pity.

He was currently on his laptop, writing his therapy letter, when he heard his phone go off.

HighandAllMighty: hey dude, wuts up?

Evan made a smile. High, that's what Evan nicknamed him due to privacy issues, was one of his closest friends, he'd even call him a best friend. High suffered from Anxiety and Bipolar, and had a very hard time making friends due to all of his outbursts. On the internet, he was able to calm himself down and not act rashly, but sometimes would assume the worst and snap at Evan a few times, but when that did happen, he'd awake to multiple apologizes from High.

High admitted to smoking openly, from cigarettes to weed, mainly because the way it calmed him down and less likely to snap at people. Evan didn't really mind this, since High's parents didn't get him any medication to him. If it helped, then that was that.

AnAnxiousTeen: Nothing much, just sitting in bed. I might write my therapy letter soon. What about you?

HighandAllMighty: sweet. Honestly I'm just dazing in and out atm. Me and my family just ate and my dad is trying to start shit again. HighandAllMighty: so the usual bs

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm so sorry.. I wish I could help you.

HighandAllMighty: Nah, don't be. U should probably start your letter.

AnAnxiousTeen: Well you know I hate writing them so I'd rather not heh

HighandAllMighty: hey, can I ask u something kinda important?

AnAnxiousTeen: Sure! Ask away!

HighandAllMighty: can we FaceTime? HighandAllMighty: I know u might not want to bc of ur anxiety HighandAllMighty: it was just something I wanted to try, if you wanted to at least

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm.. not sure.. I need time to think this over. AnAnxiousTeen: My mom is still home, so I can't right now.

HighandAllMighty: I understand. It's ok

Evan was trying not to freak out.

He was scared. He was scared he'd disappoint High. Incredibly scared of the mental image he imaged him looking like and being a huge let down and not being able to say anything and make things ten times worse than what they are and-

"Honey! I'm heading out! There's a twenty on the counter! Please get something to eat while I'm gone! Love you, bye!" Heidi called from downstairs, pulling Evan out of his thoughts. A moment later a door closing could be heard.

Evan sighed and ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair. There was another complication; he had completely fallen for High, one hundred percent in love.

HighandAllMighty: ah man, I'm rlly srry. My dad is gonna take my phone. HighandAllMighty: we'll talk later, k?

AnAnxiousTeen: I understand. I'll see you when you get back!

HighandAllMighty: in one week. Bye bud

Evan laid down on his bed. A whole week?! This obviously wasn't the first time it happened, but would that stop him from missing him? No. Definitely not. It'd be a lonely week without him.

This would be a long week

~~~ It was only Tuesday.

High had his phone taken on Saturday, so they were completely out of touch for tree days straight so far, and Evan was miserable and lonely.

Evan was sitting in his room, unenthusiastically working on homework. He was sinking into a depressive state. He'd never admit to it, but there was something wrong, that he just wasn't happy. He let out a sigh, setting his pencil down and grabbing his phone. The only notifications he had was some posts from people he liked, and a text from Jared.

Jared K: U have math done?

Evan H: -Evan H has sent a picture-

Jared K: thanks

Well, that made Evan feel even more like shit. It made him feel like Jared would only miss him for his car insurance if he suddenly disappeared. Hell, his mom would have it easier if he was gone. And High.. he was just a burden to him. Fuck it, he needed to vent.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: I'm always being told that things will get better, that I'll find someway to deal with my social anxiety, but nothing is seeming to be working. No one would notice if I suddenly left, if this account was suddenly shut down, maybe except for @HighandAllMighty but if I'm being honest, I'd be doing him a favor. I wish that things were different. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. Because let's face it. Would anyone here notice if I disappeared tomorrow?

After posting his update, he got a handful of responses, that mainly said stuff among the lines of "I'd notice! Please don't do anything rash!". It didn't feel real to Evan. He knew how this stuff worked. After a week of his death, people would forget him. All he could think of was how thankful his anxiety held him back from another attempt.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it ever make a sound?

There was a lot of debate about this one. No one saw the hidden subtext, that he fell-no, let go of the branch that was holding him and was now restrained to a cast. It made his stomach do a cartwheel at the thought.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: Sorry for all the depressing stuff tonight. I'm going offline to hit the hay early.

Well, that wasn't a total lie. He had homework to do first, then he'd probably lay in bed till sleep took him away.

And that's exactly what he did.

~~~ HighandAllMighty: why didn't you tell me how you were feeling?

High was back, early, and Evan was downright terrified.

Unlike before, he used almost perfect spelling and grammar, something he'd only do in serious situations. Evan hated confrontation, so so much.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm sorry.. I didn't want to be a burden...

HighandAllMighty: you could never burden me with your problems. HighandAllMighty: we have to look out for each other, otherwise we'll loose us both. HighandAllMighty: I want to video chat with you. I want to see /you/. Let me help you. Please

Evan didn't really think when he answered. He didn't consider what his anxiety was telling him. He just had to make it up to High, especially with what he just put him through.

AnAnxiousTeen: Of course, just give me a few minutes to set up.

HighandAllMighty: thank you. I mean it

Evan let out a puff of air and set his phone down. His mom was home but sleeping, so he'd have to be quiet and not talk to loud, which wasn't a problem because he's.. him. He grabbed a set of dark blue headphones (he preferred them because they felt more comfortable on his ear) and plugged them into his phone. He made sure they worked okay and sent High a message.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm ready. Can you send the request?

-HighandAllMighty has sent you a Face Time Request!-

-x Accept x or x Decline x-

Evan hesitantly hit the accept key and sat down on his bed, tidying up his shirt and hair while it loaded. Things'll be fine. They'll be perfectly okay. Just stay completely calm, don't fuck anything up, and your guys' friendship will be saved.

A minute later, the Face Time had finished loading, and on Evan's screen he was greeted to a pale skinned boy with long brown hair that went down to his shoulders, his eyes were blue but they had this brown glint to them that really made them stand out and made them so much more mesmerizing. He was wearing a simple black hoodie and the rest of his outfit Evan couldn't see.

The room Evan assumed was High's was messy, to say the least. Evan never understood how people could find what they needed in a mess. That's why he kept everything organized and clean, so if he needed to find anything, he could right away. It was an anxiety thing he couldn't get over. Evan also noticed the contrast of dark colors in High's room, that was mainly dark purple and black for the most part. Evan knew High enjoyed dark colors rather than light ones it made sense to why his room was painted that way.

Holy fuck was he hot or what?

"Um, hi! C-can you hear me o-okay?" Evan asked nervously, adjusting his headphones ever so slightly. He could hear some shuffling around so he took that as a good sign.

"Yeah, you're good. What about me on your end?" High asked, leaning back.

"Yo-you're good too," Evan nodded, confirming that he could hear him quite well. "Why did you w-want to call?"

"Well one, I wanted to see what you looked like, and two, I need to ask you a few other things, and this is the best way to see if you're lying or not," he simply said, shrugging his shoulders.

"O-okay, ask a-away," Evan smiled, shuffling slightly on his bed to get comfortable, waiting for whatever High was about to ask.

High inhaled, staying silent for a moment, before asking, "..Are you suicidal?"

Evan immediately tensed up. He hadn't put much thought into being depressed or suicidal, although he had those thoughts a lot he couldn't possibly be.. right? "I.. I don't know, a-actually... It could be a p-possibility, I do get suicidal thoughts and... a lot of self h-hate..."

High nodded slowly, picking at what appeared to be black nail polish. "Well, have you ever... attempted?"

Evan bit his lip, and he turned his gaze to his cast, although it wasn't planned, it still counted as one. He simply nodded his head. "It's.. s-scary..."

High let out a sigh. "I know the feeling all too well.. Just, wanting it all to end, but yet your anxiety is telling you not to, and you get so afraid.. I dunno, it's a reminder that you're still human I guess, attempting or not.."

"Honestly, it's m-my anxiety holding me b-back from trying a-again.. I'm scared I-I'll fail again.." Evan chuckled meekly, picking at his cast's plaster.

"Well, I'm glad," High smiled at him. "You don't know how much better you've made my life. I.. probably would've attempted again if I didn't know you.."

"Same with m-me. I'm.. so, so a-alone at school, I don't have any f-friends, and I was-well, still kinda- miserable. But, when we started t-talking, I didn't feel as alone a-anymore.." Evan admitted, blushing lightly.

"I wish I could meet you," High admitted. "I can tell no one's signed your cast still, and I really wanna fucking sign it. I.. I want to be by your side... Helping you order food, keeping you company, hell, I even know a few places down here you'd fucking adore and I know it.."

Evan smiled like a complete dork at these things. "That's s-so sweet.. You probably w-wouldn't like to meet me though.. I-I'd be so awkward.."

"Hey, don't put yourself down like that. I prefer awkward over cocky assholes any day," High said. "And like, not to mention you're a fucking amazing guy. Any girl would- fuck how do I phrase this?- well, she'd be pretty lucky to be with a guy like you," High told him, a noticeable blush appearing on his cheeks.

Evan blushed probably more than what he should've, but he couldn't help it. No one except his mom had said this type of stuff to him. "Honestly, t-thank you.."

"Okay, secondly, I need to tell you something really important. I hope it won't weird you out or anything but here it goes.. I really, really like you- and I don't mean that in the friendly way, I mean like- fuck this is harder to explain than I thought. Look.. I'm, head over heels in love with you, man.." High finished.

Evan was in pure shock. He had his hand on his mouth and felt like he could've cried. All that his mind could register was he liked him back. Holy fuck, he never thought he'd see the day his feelings would be returned. He could process words, he moved his hand away from his mouth, revealing a huge smile he was wearing and said hand anxiously ran through his hair.

"Holy f-fuck.. I.. I didn't think you'd l-like me back, so I never said anything.. Oh my god, t-this is incredible!" Evan admitted, watching the brunette's shocked expression turn into a smile.

"Holy shit, you actually like me?" High asked, and Evan nodded to him, he'd proudly admit to it, because now he had nothing else to loose.

"Does this mean we're like.. a thing or..?" High trailed off, and Evan laughed, saying, "Maybe! I t-think We should try."

High smiled at him, "I'd love to date you.. even if it's long distance.."

"Can I a-ask you something?" Evan smiled sheepishly, tugging lightly at his shirt while High responded with a "You can ask me anything you want to."

"What-what's your a-actual name?" Evan asked slowly, as stated earlier, they both kept their names a secret for privacy, but Evan was too curious to contain himself from keeping the question residing in his mind.

"It's Connor. What about you?" High- no, Connor returned his question, gazing at him with a loving gaze.

"I l-like to go by Evan.." Evan hoped that would satisfy him, because who'd want to date a guy with a name like Mark? No one, that's for sure.

"It suits you," Connor stated. "A wonderful name for a wonderful boy."

Evan flushed at his comment. "Well er- it's n-not as beautiful as 'Connor'. It, it fits you, so so well.."

"Are you calling me beautiful?" Connor teased him, and Evan just laughed.

The two ended up chatting for an entire two hours, enjoying whatever they could get out of each other's presence. They were both hopelessly in love, despite distance keeping them apart, they hoped they would one day meet in person.

That would be more than enough for them both.

A/N-I fucking love this AU so much?? I loved writing every second of it,and going over 2000 words better prove it.

Anyways I'm opening up requests! I don't have a lot of ideas so please request so I can keep updating this book! Thanks a ton!

[game-meak]

A Proper Postmortem

Maybe?!  Heck if I know how to actually format a good post but let’s try.  As game development went on for almost four years, this is probably gonna be long... and also give away basically the whole game oops!  Read on with caution.

Sometime around July 2014, a month after the initial release of my first game, my room was being remodeled and I was stuck with nothing for free time but a garbage laptop I could do anything on, an old flip phone, my sketchbook, and my 3DS.  So beyond playing an obscene amount of Animal Crossing and Tomodachi Life, I at some point went “hey, what if I made a second game starring the kids.”  So I started trying to plan it out!  And it went

absolutely nowhere that I intended it to go!!!

For instance, this is the very first page of sketches.  This squirrel was supposed to be really important.  It’s not.  I don’t even KNOW what’s up with that duck.

A thing I like to think about before I set off making any of the story, assets, or scripts for my games tend to be themes and motifs.  And I kept circling back to a very important, very personal “theme.”  Without using the internet at large as my therapy couch, I was emotionally abused and taken advantage of multiple times in my life and it greatly impacts how I interact with people to this very day, as you’d expect events of such a degree would.  Particularly, I kept thinking that the RPG Maker fan crowd tends to skew young and be in the teenage range and at ages 14-16, I could’ve used something to help.

Of course, my entire thought process isn’t necessarily one of charity and selflessness.  It was also a way of me expressing what I’d dealt with in ways I’ve only ever communicated with my friends who were also victims of the same circumstances, the closest I would let myself come to personal stories and retellings with a cover of plastic children and wild adventures.  It was also in some ways a way of me verifying to myself that something ongoing was, in fact, bananas and should not have been happening, but that might be another story for another time.

As you can probably guess, Haze and Seal came into the picture since I needed to make two characters who would have this struggle.  A lot of decisions came about because of my personal experience.  They’re 15/16 because I was at the time of the incidents that primarily inspired me to make this game.  They’re both nonbinary because I am.  They love anime because I did (and do...?!)  One of their friends is even directly modeled off how one of my friends looked in high school.  To that degree, I guess someone, somewhere can call them self inserts.  But they’re also not, since I didn’t want to just do a personal retelling with fictional characters.  I’d just write a memoir or something at that point.

Haze’s design came first, and then Seal’s was sort of made as a foil to them.  Haze’s “colors” are pink, black, grey, and red.  Seal’s are teal and light purple... and also black.  Haze had a rabbit motif (which got toned down as I went on), Seal had an owl motif (which is now just a single mention in their list of likes...), etc.

Though in the beginning, the story was entirely different.  Initially, everything took place in the neon-ish areas with black sky and reflective, celestial water (that I, very eloquently, call “spacewater”).  The idea was that Haze and Seal were beings from another dimension and that their “fighting” was causing a rip in the universe that the kids stumbled into and therefore got wrapped up in this mess.  I had an entire script written and started making assets and when I went to sum up the game’s plot in a neat paragraph, I realized... I hated it!!!

So I chucked all I had done by that point writing-wise and started again.

In fact, I rewrote a lot.  After the first it was mostly small tweaks and adjustments, but the biggest ones (and the ones that still present a challenge to me!) usually involved trying to make Seal feel like a believable character.  I had shown an early draft to someone who said that Seal felt too much like trying to get back at someone, so I scrapped a ton of their lines and tried again.  I still worry whether or not they come across too Strawman-y, but I’ve done the best I can and whatever criticism people have can apply to my next writing attempts.  It’s very hard to separate yourself from subject matter you feel really personally attached to.  I don’t want to write them in a way that you immediately hate them, or hate me for writing such a blatant “villain” character, but in a way that you can formulate your own thoughts.  That said, though, I am violently allergic to people who call Seal a “tsundere,” even in jest.  So I guess I want people to have their own thoughts as long as it’s not that specific one...! (;;;;)

You may be thinking “heck, this is a lot of paragraphs in and you haven’t even brought up gameplay thoughts” and yes... that’s very true.  Shamefully, for a game where I thought “I should definitely, absolutely focus more on making it a Fun Game than a walking visual novel” I might’ve actually dropped the ball in that area.  I’d like to think I was more adventurous than I had been with my first game.  Some parts do kind of fall into the “walk to the next cutscene, find a key to unlock the next cutscene” pit, but I did put effort into figuring out what I could do with RMXP.  My obligatory “please don’t use this engine here, people thinking of using RPG Maker” statements here.  In the final product, though they’re very simple, I’m most proud of the chalkboard puzzle and the paint sorting puzzle.

Even if, y’know... I somehow neglected to include the letter “k”

Speaking of, I’m not sure if this is a general RPG Maker thing, a “man I hate RMXP” thing, or a “meaka cannot gamemake” thing, but I had several event/puzzles just up and quit on me a few times.  Like they would work fine for months and months, but one day I’d go to them and just nope, suddenly they’re not working, sorry.  Copy+pasting the event to a new map wouldn’t work, so I’d have to manually redo the event.  One of them was the chalkboard puzzle.  The other was the sliding puzzle when Tony is by herself.  Which I’m also aware slows the game down a ton, but I have legitimately no idea how to fix that... I tried and I could never get to to not lag like crazy.

Like I said, I started in July 2014.  I’d shipped the game off to my beta testers in March 2018.  A vast majority of that time was spent creating the visual assets since everything you see in the game is custom.  All the sprites, all the tilesets, every little pixel of it.  All me!  Needless to say... it was very exhausting and very time consuming. I grossly underestimated how much time I thought it’d take.  I never accounted for the very real possibility of burnout, which is incredibly silly considering I was making something entirely by myself that was also an occasionally difficult subject matter...!  There were quite a few weeks where I touched nothing because I couldn’t bring myself to and even a few times where I just considered deleting everything and cancelling the project.  I knew I’d be mad at myself if I quit, especially as I got later into production, so I just tried my best to make sure I didn’t turn it into a huge chore.  Obviously, there were parts that were more tedious than others, but this game really is a very large labor of love that I put a lot of my heart into.

Part of that time is also a little bit of indecision.  Did you know I went through 3 possible title screens?  I sure did!  I’ve also publicly posted about redoing both Haze and Seal’s bust sprites before.  I almost redid all of the kids’, too, but I didn’t wanna get caught in the loop of remaking everything, so I opted to just leave them as they are.  Most of them don’t bug me as much.  M...most of them!

I’m hopping back on the Story train since obviously that was my main focus, but the decision to have Seal sort of “reveal” their true nature (or at least have a jealousy-related anger burst) to Octavio as an animated cutscene was one I’d decided pretty early.  Which is also why, unsurprisingly, I was debating getting voice actors for a hot minute.  But I wouldn’t have used it anywhere else in the game, so I opted not to.  I also wanted to keep the file size low, but that wound up not happening so much, h-haha...   For someone who uses the only engine without native support for videos, I sure do like making animated cutscenes, huh.

Anyway.  This scene originally bridged Octavio’s section of the game to Pablo’s, which would’ve been (for some reason) in an abandoned hospital.  But that didn’t pan out because it didn’t fit what I wanted the game to be and also by switching the order of the two, it builds up more tension(?) on the kind of character you expect Seal to be.  I hope their very first “fuck off, maybe” took someone out there by surprise!

This also was the point when I decided I wanted to commission an original soundtrack, since nothing quite got across what I wanted at the time.  Which is when I put out my silly ad post and somehow managed to get the amazing ProjectTrinity to compose for me...!  I’m still amazed by the sheer quality of music he made for my little RPGMaker game.

Having the teen characters curse was also something I waffled on for a bit.  Clearly, I dwell on the important things as a writer.  I wanted it to contrast the cutesy, kidlike way the siblings talk and also the sort of squeaky-clean image the witches (particularly Seal) present to the kids by contrasting how they talk to each other, most importantly how Seal talks to Haze and their other friends.  I did have the same issue with the Mother in my first game, but I opted to not have her curse at all either since she’s childish in her own way, too.  But that’s not for THIS game’s postmortem, get otta here!!!

I also very much was set on a “battle” with words being the final event of the game.  Though I had a hard time imagining what that would be initially, but eventually arrived at a sort of fake battle system that was introduced in the mine.  The setting for this battle changed with time (everywhere from the park to the academy and in between) was considered...!  The dirty secret is that while I did like the decision to make it take place in the voids between worlds, I also sort of did not want to draw the staircase in the witch academy.  Originally, the kids would’ve also helped Haze “reach” Seal (who was putting actual obstacles in the way), but I guess in my own way, I wanted to give Haze the ability to confront Seal on their own, one-on-one.  Or something like that...!  I also didn’t want to add too much needless backtracking.

I’m... unsure what other point I really want to make, so I guess I’ll end this here unless anyone has anything in particular that interests them they’d want me to answer!

All in all, this game means a lot to me and took a chunk of my life to make and I really hope it’s able to reach at least one person who might need it, even if it’s only a little. 

To all of you who gave it a try, thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.

A shameless link to the game:  [itch.io] & [RMN]

[svt-husbands]

Mischief Night

Member: Woozi Genre: Fluff (some angst? not really but) Word Count: 2062

Halloween was an extremely exciting time in the Seventeen family. It was the one time a year that the true demons of the group could come out and harass the others with minimal consequences. There were mixed feelings on the festival, depending on who was asked.

A few days before Halloween, you were over at the Seventeen dorm watching a film with Jihoon, alone. It was a terrible film, and Jihoon’s running commentary was ten times more interesting.

“Why would you even go into an abandoned house without a flashlight or, oh I don’t know, your phone?” You snorted and looked at your boyfriend, whose face was currently contorted into displeasure.

“Because they’re being paid to act, babe. I would do the same if I was them.”

“No, you wouldn’t. I wouldn’t let you go alone or unprotected.” Jihoon grinned and wrapped his arms around you. You grinned.

“Oh yeah? And how would you protect me?”

“I would throw the gag trio in front of the killer. They die first.”

“Oh! That’s so mean!” You gasped. Jihoon scoffed.

“What? They put food coloring in my shampoo, serves them right.” He said. You rolled your eyes and cuddled closer to him. Your attentions turned back to the television screen, where the lead actress clutched a lamp while slowly creeping into the kitchen. The main antagonist popped out, at the same time the main door to the dorms opened up. The jump scare, combined with the slam of the door and the resulting screech from Seokmin gave you a fright. You fell off the couch and landed on the floor, taking the blanket down with you. Jihoon shivered and got up, helping you off the floor.

“I told you gag trio needs to die first.”

Seokmin, followed by a sullen Seungkwan, walked towards the two of you. Jihoon plopped back onto the couch and looked at the new pair with a murderous gaze. Seokmin smiled and sat on the arm of the sofa.

“Oh, hyung! Don’t be like that! You’ll like my news!” He hinted as he waved a stack of what seemed to be tickets. Curious, Jihoon grabbed them out of his hand, and you leaned over to look. They were tickets to a new haunted house downtown. You recognized the logo; it was all you had seen on social media.

“Oh, Ji! We have to go! It’s supposed to be amazing. I’ve heard that it’s really life-like and super scary!” Your smile was getting bigger and bigger, and Jihoon felt his heart swell. You held on to his arm and pleaded. You knew he couldn’t resist.

“Fine,” he said with a small smile directed at you. “For you, we’ll go.”

The following night, as promised, Jihoon accompanied you and the rest of the Seventeen team to a haunted house park. From the outside, it seemed rather pathetic. It was just a warehouse, with lame decorations on the outside and flashing lights at the doors and windows. The crowd, however, said otherwise. Lines were wrapping all around the lot in front of the building. The music in the background was eerie. It sounded like a comic book theme, to get your blood pumping. Wrapped in a warm coat while holding Jihoon’s hand, you were ready to go. You looked around. The rest of the boys were dressed on the warmer side. Some, like Seungcheol and Minghao, were thoroughly excited. Others, like Seungkwan, were pouting. You smiled.

“Seungkwan! Don’t be such a spoil sport! Come on; live a little!” Jihoon snickered next to you, as you ended up getting the collective attention of Seventeen. Seungkwan frowned.

“Live a little?! I want to live a lot, thank you very much. I’m still young and hot,” he frowned even more.

“What’s going to kill you? A couple of fake zombies covered in corn starch?” Hansol joked, high-fiving Chan. Seungkwan turned to him.

“Oh, sweetie. I’m not going to die. I’m going to be imprisoned for committing murder,” He deadpanned. Upon seeing Vernon’s face, you knew where this was going. Rolling your eyes, you turned to Jihoon.

“Babe, will you put my phone in your pocket?” He frowned.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t have any pockets and I might drop my phone in there. This was expensive,” you motioned to the device. “I really don’t want to lose it. Besides, I haven’t synced my phone and laptop yet, so I really don’t want to lose all of our pictures.” Jihoon nodded, then abruptly shook his head.

“Understandable. But what if something happens and you need to get a hold of me? No. Keep your phone in your bra or something.”

“Oh, come on, Ji! We’re gonna be together anyway! Worse case scenario, I’m with one of the other boys. What could go wrong?” You looked at him with big doe-like eyes. Taken by your convincing, he took your phone and put it with his in his pocket.

“Fine. But don’t let go of my hand. Got it?” You did a fake salute and held on to his hand, following the others in line.

Twenty minutes passed and you were still no where near the entrance. Feeling peckish, you decided to get some snacks and drinks for everyone from the team van.

“I’ll come with you, (Y/N),” Jihoon said, not looking away from the SoonSeok Talk going on as a time pass. Smiling, you shook your head.

“You watch those two, I’ll go.”

“Take this one.” Jihoon grabbed the sleeve of the closest member and pushed him towards you, still not turning from the amusing scene. Turns out, Mingyu was pushed towards you. Breaking his conversation with Minghao, he made a face at Jihoon, before accompanying you.

“You didn’t have to come, you know,” you said. You saw his silhouette shrug.

“Meh, it’s fine. I need to do my good deed of the day anyway.”

“It’s night. You haven’t done anything good yet?” Mingyu smiled and laughed a bit. You lifted a carrier bag, full of food, while Mingyu grabbed the bag of drinks. Silently, you closed and locked the van, before giving the keys to Mingyu. As you were walking back, you had a brilliant idea.

“You need to do your good deed right? Mind helping me out?” Mingyu looked mildly intrigued as you explained your plan. Initially, his smile grew, until he realized who he was going too help you mess with.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t have a death wish.”

“Please.”

“No.” You had no choice left.

“I’ll tell Coups what you did to his favorite hat.”

“Fine.” You smiled and walked in front of him, knowing your mischief would be pulled off well.

After snacks and drinks were distributed, consumed, and disposed of, and after you all waited in line some more, you finally approached the entrance of the haunted warehouse. Agreeing to divide into teams to compete and finish the house first, you joined a team of Jihoon, Mingyu, Minghao, and Seungkwan. You motioned to Mingyu discreetly before going in. Your plan was in action, and you hoped it would be fun. A little voice was nagging in your head to not do this, but you ignored it.

The spookiness was real in the warehouse. It was decorated to look like a complete contrast to the outside. You felt Jihoon’s hold on your hand tighten, and you smiled.

“Are you scared, baby?” You asked. You heard a scoff, but couldn’t see him in the dark.

“Obviously not- OH MY GOD!” As he was denying his fears, a being popped out of the darkness and latched on to him, causing him to let go of you. Both of you were scared out of your minds at the devastating makeup and costuming on the person. Made to look like a true devil, the two of you ran forward. All you heard was Seungkwan’s constant screaming. You turned back to check on them, and when you looked forward, Jihoon’s figure was gone. You smiled through your fright, realizing that the accident put your prank into motion. You sped through the haunted house, jumping at everything and almost tearing up a few times. You got to the exit, where Jihoon had already met up with parts of the other teams, namely Joshua, Seungcheol, Jun, Minghao, and Mingyu. You caught Mingyu’s view and smiled, running to hide behind a post in the distance. You were close enough to hear the members, but out of sight in the darkness. As the rest of Seventeen began to emerge from the house, you saw Jihoon start to get antsy. He began to pace around the entrance, and kept counting every one that had come out of the house. His face began to scrunch up in fear and anger. Turning to the others, he began to shout.

“Yah! Where’s (Y/N)?” Minghao raised an eyebrow.

“Weren’t you two together? You should know?”

“Someone grabbed me and we let go of each other! I didn’t find her inside, so I thought I would find her here!” Mingyu spoke up.

“It’s just Seungkwan in there now. They’re probably together. Just wait,” he said. Jihoon nodded and turned back to the entrance to wait for you.

A little while later, screaming, Seungkwan ran out of the exit, clutching a black wig and a dark red sheet. Counting again, Jihoon saw that all thirteen members were out, and you were still missing.

“Seungkwan, was (Y/N) with you?” Seungkwan, who was yelling angrily at Seokmin, paused and denied. Jihoon, now fully in a panic, reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. You saw him put his phone to his ear, calling you, before realizing your phone was with him. Now fully in a panic, the other members tried to calm him down. Mingyu was holding on to Jihoon, trying to stop him from making rash decisions. Your boyfriend was turning red, you could see, and was pacing nonstop. As he began to walk towards the security counter at the exit, you realized that you may have gone a bit too far and ran out from your post.

“Ji!” Hearing your voice, Jihoon turned around. He ran towards you, his face still scrunched up, and grabbed you in a hug.

“God, where were you?” He let go and began patting your face and checking for injuries. You held his wrists and stopped him.

“Ji, I’m fine,” you smiled, big enough to reassure him. He wasn’t convinced.

“Where were you? God, do you know how freaked out I was? You didn’t come out with any of the other members, and you didn’t come out after-when did you come out?” Jihoon kept blubbering his worries, and your heart broke a little when a tear fell from his eye. Ignoring all the members around you, you wiped his tear and held his face.

“I am so sorry I scared you so much. I was trying to prank you because, you know, Mischief Night, but I didn’t know you felt this way. I am so sorry, Jihoon. Please, forgive me.” You folded your hands in front of him. Your heart was breaking with the realization of how hurt and scared Jihoon was for your safety, and you felt so guilty for using his love for you like this. You felt his hands wrap around yours, before hugging you.

“I was scared because you weren’t in front of me. I can’t let anything happen to you, I promised you that the day you agreed to be mine. Even if it means panicking when you try to be funny. I forgive you, and I love you.” With a sweet kiss, you smiled.

“I love you, too.” A tap on your shoulder broke you from your reverie. Turning around, you spotted a tall figure, dressed in a tattered black cloak, dripping with fake blood. The creature’s face was demonic, red and skull-like. The eyes were completely white.

“This is beautiful and all, but please. I’m just trying to make a living.” The voice was eerie and gave chills up your spines. You screamed, and Jihoon pulled you away, leading the pack back to the van. As you all returned home, you put your head on Jihoon’s shoulder, and your hand in his.

“But if you ever pull something like this again, I swear I will hit you with a guitar.”

“Duly noted.”

-t (t: Happy Halloween!)

[wannawrite]

Alpacas Over Flowers

who? : MXM’s Im Youngmin fluff bullet-point ver. 

the ‘Our Two Lips’ flower boys LDH PJH PWJ KJW

LGL [ coming soon ] | JH [ coming soon ] 

blog navigator. ndlahdkdhdj last few instalments of the flower boy AU series….for now. Please don’t request anymore for this series until further notice but I thank you to all who requested, these were really fun to write and experiment with but it is not something I want to dwell on for too long. I don’t think I’m very good at it either…lol rip. There’s still Guanlin and Justin left. Since it is October, it’s time to get spooky. 👻 Request Halloween, fall-related things, please! Never had a go at them but I will try. Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed to this series, especially all the sweet and kind comments you guys leave. 💕 It was fun, and until Guanlin’s! - Admin L

• so there’s this cute adorable lovable amiable guy in your uni lecture • you have a major • major • major crush on him but honestly, who doesn’t ??? • but he doesn’t attend classes very often bc he’s sick • jokes • he’s just out there being an underground rapper • you don’t really pay attention to that scene but your best friend found out and pretty much told the whole squad • and she also spilled the part where you really liked him • wow thanks a lot andrea 

• 2017 best friend award • it’s embarrassing asf • now everyone ships you too together • Jinsoul offers to accompany you to one of his gigs but you decline since it’s super close to mid-terms and you aren’t sure how Youngmin can keep his grades, music and life balanced • plus, you can’t exactly picture cute, red haired Youngmin with an alpaca keychain on his backpack as a rapper • let alone one that spits utter fire • it’s lit 🔥🔥🔥 • you listened to two seconds of his diss track for Mnet and shut your laptop • contemplating life and sobbing over how good he was • it was that good • howdareyoumnet • the track was titled was titled SnakeNet™ ft. Park Woojin • bouta catch snakes with my net • * insert badly edited picture of Admin L swinging a net at Mnet and SM * • I need to stop making Mnet snake jokes i’m sorry • so • yeah, Woojin, that shy, awkward kid who majored in dance • Brand New College thrived with the talent • so anyway, your alpaca boy rarely came to class but whenever he did, you tried to sit as near as him as possible • he radiated sunshine and happiness • it made you all fuzzy and happy on the inside too, it was like he rarely had a bad day • trying to suck some of that positive energy • moving on…………….. • somehow, you always ended up like three seats away • Youngmin seemed to always be flanked by his best friends, Jeong Sewoon and Kim Donghyun • they always protected him from the world • asdfghjkl stop separating me from my man • but it’s cute to have such an amazing protection squad, they’re a force to be reckoned with • one day, you decided to approach him after your lecture • yes you did it • two steps away • his back was towards you, displaying some expensive brand of the shirt he wore • one!!! • unfortunately, he seemed to be hurried and rushed off,  a few pieces of paper dropped out of his backpack • even his cute little plushie alpaca keychain thudded to the ground • “hey! Youngmin!” you had yelled but he was already dashing down the corridor with his friends struggling to keep up • you were the last one in the lecture hall • deciding to return it to him another day, you picked up the soft plushie and the sheets of paper that fell out of his bag • c'mon you were a decent classmate • as you shuffled through the papers, a pastel coloured flyer fell out from one of them • it was very pretty • puzzled, you picked it up and examined it • “Our Two Lips?” • you showed it to the queen of knowing everything that happened in your city, Jennie • “ahhh, so the rumours are true.” she said, amused • furrowing your brows and frowning, you cocked your head to one side “what?” • “ahhh, Im Youngmin, Park Woojin and Lee Daehwi are rumoured to have been hired to work at this new cafe” • you swore you walked passed the place before when it was all boarded up and had no clue what tf it was • you nodded as Andrea cackled away • “oh my god Y/N you would love that place so much” • your friends confused you beyond imagination • “huh, why?” • Jennie and Andrea burst into laughter • “It’s a flower boy cafe!” • oh my god • w a s t e d • i’m still confused by this idea though…never heard of it until now and even though I’m able to grasp the basic concept, idk much i’m sorry :(( • okay just imagine • Im Youngmin as a barista • Im Youngmin as a barista in a flower boy cafe • Red-haired Im Youngmin as a barista in a flower boy cafe, Our Two Lips wearing a flower crown • Red-haired Im Youngmin as a barista in a flower boy cafe, Our Two Lips, wearing a flower crown as he serves you coffee • and food • food is important I hope you guys are eating well • you pretty much spit out a bunch of gibberish as your face becomes tomato red • “Oh! Wasn’t your last lecture today? Looks like you’ll have to visit him if you want to return his charm” • a s d f g h j k l • you really can just wait until the summer is up but that’s mean and he might want his charm back immediately • of course, he loves his charm, it is adorable • you love it too • it’s a soft, small plushie that has been patched on the side • :“) • you make it sit on your bed side table so it’s the first thing you see when you wake up and the last thing you see when you sleep • also because you’re scared of losing it • how would you explain to the flower boy? • it takes you a couple of days to visit the place • a few of your classmates went on the opening day • it’s safe to say they almost fainted from the cuteness • they facetimed you right after • "oHMy gOD y/N yOu goTTa cOMe anD SEE YounGMIn” Jinsoul yelled as she shakily held her phone • “yO i’m shOokeTH” - Andrea, about the cafe, 2017 • “bye bye sweetie” • honestly, you were a anxious mess, your palms were sweating, your legs felt like jelly • it’s just to return his charm! • and his lecture notes • calm down!!!!! • nah • you fretted about it until you reached the cafe and put on a fake relax look • the plan was simple, approach the counter, ignore the food, pass Youngmin his charm back and leave • that was the original plan • until you saw how breathtakingly beautiful he looked • it was probably the first proper glance you had gotten at him • that was not from your seat, far away, through the lens of a pair of binoculars, like a creep • “hello! I’m Youngmin, and I’ll be your flower,” proceeds to grab a rose out of his apron pocket, “boy for today” • you weren’t joking when you said you felt a teensy bit light headed • your hand closed around the plastic-wrapped rose and you stared at it in awe • stick!! to!! the!! plan!! • you cleared your throat, “actually-” • “ahhh, table for one” • youngmin wasn’t being rude - at least he hoped you thought so- he just wanted to get to know you a bit better, plus, you willingly came to the cafe • “you’re in the same friday and wednesday lecture as me right?” he asked as he escorted you to your seat, ignoring your reluctant protests. Youngmin was going to keep you here • “um yes.” you replied softly, heartbeat accelerating by the seconds • he nodded, “ahhh, no wonder your face seemed familiar” • eye contact, charming smile, faint tinges of pink of his cheeks • “i knew i’d never forget a beauty like you” • he left you with the menu and your red face with a disorganised plan • that boy is smooth • @ Youngmin, I see you • it’ll be rude if i reject him as a server…..no i can’t do that • you ordered something because you were hungry though, it seemed too good to resist • “what’s a beauty doing here all alone?” Youngmin posed as he collected your menu • you mumbled out an incoherent, embarrassed reply • he chuckled, “will my aegyo get you to open up?” • instead of speaking, you plucked the plushie charm from your pocket. “i found this in the hall the other day, I figured I should return it.” • “oHmYgoD!” • truthfully, Youngmin allowed it to fall, hoping you would return it and take it as a sign • Donghyun had taught him a trick or two on how to be the nation’s boyfriend and he was ready to win your heart • “are you serious? I went crazy trying to find this! Thank you so much! Isn’t your name y/n? Can I call you that?” • he appeared a little flustered and surprised, clutching his plushie close • he genuinely treasures his plushie okay, fight me • it was cute • ugh • “y/n, and yeah sure” • Youngmin opened his mouth to speak but he was called away by another server. He smiled apologetically and thanked you again, promising to be back with your order soon • you scrambled to text your friends but your hands were trembling like a leaf that you missed all the keys • do leaves tremble? • your texts to them were a mess but they got your drift anyway • Youngmin arrived with your order, “I’m here to give you your food and my heart.” • you really couldn’t help but burst into giggles • “will you accept it, Y/N?” • beaming brightly, you nodded but was still unable to keep the laughter at bay • youngmin chuckled along with you • boi i kid you not hearing his laugh was a blessing • b l e s s • since the cafe was pretty empty, Youngmin settled down in the seat across from your own because “everyone should have company” • he wasn’t much of a talker but he was a good listener, the more he warmed up to you the more he spoke • his eyes lit up when you mentioned you listened to his mix tapes • “you’re a really great rapper” • he just blushed and mumbled a 'thank you’ in reply, the ability to speak left him • “ahh, t-thank you.” • you took note of how well his red hair contrasted against his peach coloured flower crown. It only made him all the more charming and prince like • Youngmin’s company was enjoyable and you could foresee him becoming one of your good friends • you were reluctant to leave • he felt the same way • Youngmin isn’t the kind for a hella lot of aegyo but he has a way with words • even though he says he doesn’t • “y/n? do you have a map? cause honey, I’m getting lost in your eyes,” he said, tapping the pot of honey on your table • o i love puns • “you’re so sweet, are you made out of sugar?” *lifts up jar of sugar* • you’re just out there dying at his lame ass puns • but at the same time, dying bc he’s FLIRTING WITH YOU • imagine your crush flirting with you • hah can’t relate • “y/n, we’re like a four-leafed clover, you are C, I’m R and there’s love between us” he purred out, making finger hearts • you’re nearly dead and although these are somewhat awful, it’s cute • “i never knew you were like this, you never really talk in class…..” you muttered. “so innocent…” • “the only crime I’ll commit is stealing your heart” • bYE BYE IM • it gets late and you eventually have to bid him goodbye • but before you leave, he slides you a note and says, “y/n, if you can accept my love, how about accepting my number?” • “yes! I’ll text you.” • you hastily punch his number into your phone, nearly messing up because you’re still freaking out • there’s an alpaca, llama emoji next to his name, whatever you can find on your phone • suddenly, you become the envy of all the customers, especially when he gives you a matching alpaca plushie • *makes a mental reminder to attach it to your uni bag* • Youngmin smiles bashfully at you but says nothing • when you hand back the board to him after writing your signature - because you paid by credit card, he whistles • “damn, i was looking for a signature on you because a masterpiece always has one” • you are about to punch him • but only out of love • your heart is going to explode • he winks from behind the counter as you head out • “see you soon, Y/N.” 

[sunbaebes]

Crooked Chapter 11

Summary:Big Bang Mafia AU-

Chapter 1   Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6  Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Epilogue

When the members of Kwon Ji Yong’s men take up a deal with the Italian mob, they think kidnapping one young woman will be a piece of cake. But all isn’t as it seems, and soon Ji Yong is realizing that maybe he’s bitten off more than he can chew…..

Disclaimer : Rated M for violence, and eventual smut.

“Hello?”

Adam’s voice filled the car.

“Hello?” it came again, this time with a hint of annoyance, “Are you still there?”

“I’ll call you back.” Ji yong clipped the words between his lips, his thumb brushing over the 'end cal'l button and letting the screen go completely black.

Grabbing the attention of the driver, he quickly tells the man there needs to be a change of direction. Ji yong presses a button on his phone and holds it back to his ear,

“It’s me, I need everyone to fall back and return to the house.” There seemed to be no questions on the other line; complete obedience. Ji yong ended the call and then focused his complete attention back on you.

“Did you know?” His voice shook, struggling to place himself back into his G Dragon persona.  

The car felt like it was shrinking, and then it felt like it was expanding. There was a feeling of fantasy to the whole situation, an unrealness that made you feel outside of your body and the situation.

“No,” you mutter, “no I didn’t know.”

Ji yong let out a steadying breath, his eyes striking fire into yours.

“I’m going to ask you one more time.” Ji yong’s voice is quiet, and there was no accusation behind it, “You’re sure you don’t have anything to tell me?”

"I don’t know.” you whisper. “I don’t know what’s happening to my life.”

Ji yong nods his head once, reaching out to wipe away tears from your cheeks. You hadn’t even realized you’d been crying.

“I believe you,” he sighed, bringing your face closer to his, his forehead resting upon yours, “I trust you.”

“Are we in a lot of trouble?”

Ji yong laughed.

“We’re dead meat.”

Ji yong spent the rest of the ride feeling out for information from other connections. It took time for him to finally get the tail of gossip, but once he found it he fell down the rabbit hole.

One sourced claimed that the Ricci had been turning over every rock they could once they entered Korea, asking everyone for all the information they could gather on G Dragon and his gang. In return, the networks in Seoul’s underground had begun searching the Ricci as well.

Everyone knew by now about the girl G Dragon and his men had captured to form an alliance for the Italians. The confusion came from finding out the Italians were more like a two-headed beast. The Ricci and the D’Mazzi had been fighting internally for a few years by now, and the most recent news told that the two heads had finally bared their teeth upon finding out that G Dragon had killed the girl being held hostage.

“What does this have to do with Y/N?”

Back at the house, safe and sound with the other men, Ji Yong had been catching the other men up on the situation.

Seungri was the one to ask the question, his arms crossed over his chest in agitation, “I’m still not getting it.”

“Adam, Y/N’s ex lover believes that one of the Ricci is a close retaliative.”

“Impossible,” Seunghyun huffed, “I checked her background myself. I wouldn’t have missed something like that.”

“Fool, if Y/N didn’t know about it, how could you have found it?” Daesung laughed, pushing playfully at his hyung. Seunghyun huffed again, pushing back at Daesung a little harder than necessary.

“Do we have anything on them?” you interrupt before bickering can ensue, “Pictures, names, addresses? If something sounds familiar I could begin to guess who they are to me.”

“We don’t have anything yet,” Youngbae spoke from his spot on the floor, laptop in hand as he seemed to be searching through data as it came in. “What about that Adam guy, he didn’t have any more information?”

“I’m not sure.” Ji yong sat next to you, his distance respectable aside from his hand. It sat between you, close enough to brush with a simple extension of your pinky. It twitched when he spoke about Adam, showing that even the man’s name seemed to agitate him.

“You didn’t think to ask him?” Youngbae looked up from his screen, serving Ji yong a withering look.

“I was more focused on hanging up on him, unfortunately.”

“I could have used any information he had,”

“Bae’s right,’ Daesung interjected, “we don’t really have a starting point without at least hearing him out.”

“It’s late, we can call him in the morning.”

“There’s no point in delaying it,” you countered, “besides, it’s probably close to lunchtime over there.”

“My men can figure it out on their own,” Ji yong’s posture stiffened, “we don’t need any help from him.” You couldn't blame Ji yong's hostility towards Adam, you didn't really want to work with him either. The fact remained, however, that he was currently one step ahead of you in one very dangerous game.

“Don’t let your emotions get in the middle of this. Adam believes that I’m dead, which means in theory that you and him are on the same side and in the same boat. He’ll view you as an ally, that’s something you can use to your advantage.”

“She’s right, Ji yong.” Seunghyun walked over to the bar in the room, reaching behind it's table top for a bottle of wine. “he may have a little information from the Ricci but we currently hold a huge advantage. We’re the only ones who know that Y/N is still alive.”

“Couldn’t we just contact the Ricci ourselves?” Seungri pointed out, “show them that Y/N’s alive and they’ll back off?”

“We could do something better,” Ji yong said slowly, his eyes glowing as a plan formulated in his mind. He turned to you, his hands grabbing up both of yours, “We could set a trap for the D’Mazzi. Let Adam and his gang think that we’re on his side, ready to help him go up against the Ricci since it appears that we’re in the same boat. In reality, we could get on the same side as the Ricci and flush the D’Mazzi out.”

“Could it work?” you ask, your grip tightening, “couldn’t the D’Mazzi just as easily try to throw you under the bus? I’m sure you don’t have any real record of the deal that you and him made. He could say that he tried to get me back and you just killed me instead.”

“That’s why we need to be quick.” Ji yong jumped up from his seat as Seunghyun brought over glasses of wine for everyone, “Youngbae, work on setting up a meeting with the Ricci.”

Youngbae nodded, closing his laptop and springing to his feet. Youngbae gladly accepted a glass of wine from Seunghyun.

“So you’ll call him then? Get the information I need?”

Ji yong grabbed himself a glass of wine along with another glass for you. He let his fingers linger on yours as he passed the glass, making your eyes meet.

“If it’s okay with Y/N, I’ll do whatever it takes to bring those bastards down.” Warmth pools in your chest. Your trust couldn't be won back easily, but this was a start. "Lets bury them." You raise your glass to Ji yong and to the rest of his men, "Looks like you'll have to deal with me for a bit longer." ----------------------------- Ji yong sat in his study, his phone glaring at him from his desk. It had been an hour since Y/N and the rest of his men had split off, leaving Ji yong to the task of forging a fake alliance with Adam. In truth, he didn't want to talk to this low-life ever again. The pain he had caused Y/N, the deceit and despicable way in which he tried to dispose of a loved one made Ji yong ill. For Y/N's sake he told himself he could put on a friendly facade. In contrast, for Y/N's sake he wanted to scatter Adam's body parts across every continent. Adam picked up Ji yong's call almost immediately. "I guess you've had enough time to do some digging?" Adam seemed calm compared to their earlier conversation, his voice no longer sounded a hair away from hysterics.   "It does seem like the Ricci have been sticking their nose into our business, but we weren't able to confirm that it meant blood relation to the girl." "It would be a lot easier if you could just ask her." Adam seemed to be testing him, seeing if Ji Yong would let something slip if he was starved for information. "I wouldn't be calling you if I could get answers out of a corpse." Ji yong bit, "don't waste our time. You and I both know that the Ricci knew I did this as a favor for you family. They'll be coming for you soon enough." "You really killed her," Adam giggled. Giggled. Like a child who had gotten away with, well, murder. It made the bile in Ji Yong's stomach churn. "I told you I'd get the job done. I don't know why we're still having this conversation." "After all the trouble you caused while you were stalling, I'm surprised you're not hiding away somewhere." There was still and edge to Adam's voice, a question of trust. "It just didn't feel right," Ji yong sighed, "She talked about you." It was a lie, Y/N had barely said anything about Adam in her time with Ji yong, it was fact that he was guilty of basking in. For the sake of their plan, however, he knew that goading Adam's ego was the best plan of action. "She said you'd been together for years, it just didn't feel right killing your girl when she was so obviously in love you." Adam laughed again, "She never was good enough for me." Ji Yong's anger made it feel like his eyes were shaking, This guy was a narcissist, someone Ji yong wanted to crush. "I'm bored talking about her," he said sternly, "I want to know how we're going to fix this mess." "We," Adam huffed into the phone, "I'm not the one who killed her." "It wont' be hard to trace this all back to you," Ji yong bluffed, "My men keep good books, they'll see that this whole scheme wreaks of D'Mazzi, and then they'll come for you too." "You're full of shit." "It doesn't matter if you don't believe me," Ji yong sighed, making his voice sound cool and disinterested, "I'm sure by now you've heard what people like us do to traitors." The other line went silent, and Ji yong smirked, he knew that he was breaking down Adam's wall. "I need to know that if I go up against these guys, I won't be alone." Adam says finally, his voice sounding younger, showing how new he really was to the the game, "I have your word that we're both going after these bastards." "Of course," Ji yong hummed, "I'm sure I don't have to tell you how annoying they've been to me recently." "Mm," Adam agreed, "I'll tell you what I know."

Y/N walked into the room just as Ji Yong hung up his phone. His heart swelled at the sight of her, posture straight and jaw set. In this moment, he knew he should feel guilt. He knew he should want the best for her, that he should be pushing her out of the dark world that surrounded him. Instead, he basked in the way she was able to adjust to new situations, at how easily she molded back into the group and took direction. "Did you get the information Youngbae needed?" Ji Yong nodded, bringing his hands together in front of him on the desk. "It seems like Adam's source worked between the D'Mazzi and the Ricci. The man didn't know which member gave the order to come for you, but that it had to be close to the top. Adam was able to give me three names of the men heading the Ricci, if I tell them to you can you tell me if any sound familiar?" Y/N nodded, sitting in the chair opposite Ji Yong and bringing his legs up to to her chest. "Antonino Thomas Ricci, Anselmo who changed his family name to Riacci, and Gioacchino with the same changed name as Anselmo." Y/N shook her head, "I don't know any of those names." "You're sure?" "They're not exactly common," she laughed, "and if we were close enough for them to stir up this kind of trouble I think I'd remember their name." Ji yong sighed, standing from his seat. "You're right. I've already passed the names on to Younbae, he'll let us know as soon as he finds something."  Y/N rose from her seat, taking a step closer to Ji Yong, "What about the Ricci, when are you supposed to meet with them." "If everything goes as planned, someone will be here in the morning." "Could they be forming an attack plan?" "It would be reckless," Ji yong nodded, "but it wouldn't be out of the question." "I want to be there." "Out of the question." The answer came lightning fast and with a bite, "You'll stay in your room until whoever it is leaves." "Things are different now," Y/N grit her teeth, "My resolve hasn't changed and things have not gone back to the way they were just because I came back." Y/N's nostrils flared, the determination in her jaw making Jiyong do a double take. "I understand but-" "There's no but." Y/N cut him off, "This time, we're doing things differently. You're not going to keep any secrets from me, you're not going to lock me away like a princess in a tower. We're going to face it together, and when the time comes I want to take that bastard Adam down." "I know I don't have to tell you this is dangerous," Ji yong walked around his desk, closing the space between himself and Y/N. Her features, soft as a flower grew even more beautiful by her steel resolve. "I know," she nodded, "I want you to give me a gun this time around, I don't want to depend on someone else keeping me safe." Ji yong nodded, "Done," "So, you'll let me come with you in the morning?" Ji yong dared to caress Y/N's cheek with his fingers, the simplest tremor of a touch to test the waters. "Of course, it may be better to show them that you're alive at the beginning of the conversation." Y/N let her shoulders relax, her face turning into Ji yong's touch. "After this is done," Ji yong testing the water once more, letting his lips trace down from Y/N's temple down to her jaw, "what about us?" Y/N slowly turned her head, casting her gaze downward to where her lips ghosted against Ji yong's. "I don't know." she whispered, "When I think about everything that's happened between us my head and my heart get confused. I need time, We need time to rebuild our dynamic...but for now-" "For now?" "We're in this together." Ji yong smiled, closing his eyes as he let his lips press against Y/N's, "Together."

[whenimaunicorn]

Smile For The Camera

Fandom: Vikings AU

Characters: Lagertha x Ivar

Words: 1865

Summary: Lagertha and Ivar are both actors, whose agents convince them to pretend to be dating as a publicity stunt. Ivar seems to see this as a messed up way of getting revenge on the woman he blames for stealing his mother’s career.

Warnings: threats, forced affection

Notes: for the Friday Night Heathen Prompt Game - this is some flavor of predator!Ivar but nothing graphic happens. I saw these pictures and just had to imagine these scenes. Image sources found here.

Full Story below the cut

Ivar Lothbrok blamed her for killing his mother’s career. Lagertha Ingstad thought Aslaug’s not-so-private painkiller addiction had done that work for her, but there was no convincing him of that. In his eyes, it was Lagertha’s insistence on returning for Season Seven of Valhalla Nights, and the not so private fights that had sparked between them in the studio, that drove his mother over the edge. 

The finale of that infamous show was now long past, and a few of Aslaug’s sons had tried launching acting careers of their own after brief cameos on that program. Lagertha had found the youngest, Ivar, to be all but insufferable to work with. So of course, fate would cast them in the same movie. Even worse, their agents had cooked up this fake dating scheme for the two of them. Said it would be fabulous publicity, a great move for both their careers. Spring-Autumn relationships were all the rage right now, and their complicated history would have people talking endlessly, they said. 

So here they were, sharing the last moments of a long uncomfortable silence in the back of the limo bringing them to the first of many premier events.

Ivar was having a good day today, his pain so low that he was confident he could make it down the red carpet and between all the photo ops and interviews of the day without any of his assistive devices. It meant that he was looming over her as he took her hand after they got out of the car; sometimes she forgot just how tall he was. Her son was tall too, but there was something about the way Ivar leaned into her, forcing her to crane her neck just to look him in the eye. And she would always look him in the eye; there was no way she’d ever let her body language around Ivar Lothbrok become submissive. Not when he had made his private feelings for her so terribly clear on the car ride over here.

“As far as I am concerned, you killed my mother,” he had hissed through clenched teeth, staring out the window like he couldn’t even look at her. “Believe me when I say that I will find a way to revenge her. I just have to think of something fitting.”

“Then why did you agree to this dating stunt, if you hate me so much?” Lagertha had replied, pulling her wrap tighter against the chill of the air conditioning.

“Contracts,” he said. A moment later he added more. “The way I am looking at it, this is just the most difficult acting role of my life.”

The contrast now made her head spin. In the flash of the cameras as they took the red carpet, Ivar’s smile flashed brightest, dazzling her a little as he wrapped his arm tightly around Lagertha’s shoulders. He pressed his cheek against hers, showing off their supposed new love for the screaming paparazzi. 

No one noticed how mean his fingers gripped her shoulders.

“Is it true?” and “Are you in love?” and even “Come on, give us a kiss!” called the press. Lagertha was surprised at the attention they were getting already; they had only let a few staged photos leak so far: Ivar escorting her into one of the trendiest restaurants in town; a cute kiss in the rain, their hands entwined. Ivar had thrust her bodily away from him the moment they were done with that one.

But now, the hauntingly beautiful boy’s face was looming over hers with a warmth so bright she was almost fooled. His eyebrow bouncing suggestively. “Showtime,” he muttered, and pressed a kiss to her that captured her perfectly stained bottom lip firmly between the two of his. Lagertha froze, preoccupied that he might mar her lipstick at the very beginning of the evening. She forced her body to relax, look natural, and focused on rocking her head in tandem with his so that they would appear to be kissing passionately without allowing his mouth to smear her makeup by sliding even a millimeter across it.

Still, the softness of his lips sent an unwelcome jolt through her groin, and another came when Ivar slid his hand along her hip. He was only showing off for the cameras. She couldn’t think of anything more embarrassing than letting him get an actual sexual response out of her, no matter how much her friend had been urging her to just enjoy the chance to have a devastatingly handsome young boy-toy to grope for a while.

She ran her hands up his lapels, tapped him subtly to try and convince him to release her lips. They got their photo op.

He pressed into her for another moment longer, as if to prove he was the one in control. If she pulled away before he released the suction on her lips, her makeup might be ruined. When he finally let her go, she remembered only at the last second to make her face look like she had just enjoyed that experience. 

Ivar brought his mouth to her ear. “Smile for the cameras now,” he said, and pinched the top of her ass so hard she wanted to scream and hit him. The best she could do was squirm and twist against him, making her reflex look more like flirting and less like the pain and outrage she truly felt.What had she gotten herself into? 

*

The succession of interviews they did that night passed by in a haze of feigned giggles and head-spinning shifts in Ivar’s affections. When anyone was looking at them he was bubbling and mischievous, playing with her hair, grinning like a fool and rubbing himself against her like a cat. In their moments alone he dropped the act faster than a sodden coat, his face falling flat and his arms withdrawing and crossing over his chest. Then the door would open and his hand would be snaking around her waist again, one last insult whispered into her ear before he’d deposit a sweet kiss on her cheek. The abrupt way he turned it on and off was almost scary; sometimes Lagertha wondered if he really was the kind of sociopath he was so often being cast to play.

“So, Ivar,” the bubbly reporter began almost as soon as they had settled into their seats, “as we all know, Lagertha made her debut playing opposite your father on his show Valhalla Nights. Before your mother joined the cast. Does it ever feel strange knowing you and your dad have kissed the same woman?”

Ivar frowned, like he barely understood the question. “Really there is no comparing. Their relationship was only for the cameras.” He turned his head to his supposed girlfriend, lips curling and eyes flashing. The fans would see affection, but Lagertha knew better. “When Lagertha kisses me, she means it.”

The interviewer turned to her with a mischievous grin. “Anything to add to that, Lagertha? Care to tell us which one is the better kisser?”

Ivar actually giggled and wrapped his arm around her head, hand closing over her mouth. “I don’t want to hear it!” he cried playfully, pretending to smother her. She felt his hand spasm over her face, barely holding back the urge for true violence. His grip sealed her mouth just a touch too long to be funny.

He snuggled his head into her shoulder when he released her. She couldn’t help but feel like the continued physical contact was a threat: be careful what you say. She truly had no idea whether matching his enthusiasm in playing along would make him angrier or not. “I’d… better not,” Lagertha said with an enigmatic smile for the reporter’s expectant eyes. “I don’t want things to get too awkward at the next family dinner.” 

*

She stared at the webpage open on her laptop, the one Ivar had linked in his email the next morning. His body was draped over hers as they both laughed at something the interviewer had said. “Lagevar confirmed,” stated the headline.

The article already had sixty-five comments. People really were interested. She scrolled through the posts. The usual cattiness over her appearance, fans declaring their love for Ivar Lothbrok, a few nice remembrances of her performance on their old tv show. She was stuck on one from a user named @angrycvnt. 

Don’t Lagertha’s eyes just look like they’re screaming? Blink twice if you need help, sweetie.

She wasn’t sure what upset her more: that someone thought she looked like a victim, or that she hadn’t been able to do a good enough acting job. At least the comment didn’t seem to be getting any attention.

Her reverie was broken by the buzz of her phone. Ivar Lothbrok was superimposed over a handsome face with glaring eyes. He had taken her phone last night and added the picture to his contact. Lagertha suppressed a shudder before she hit “accept;” that face looked just like he was saying “I’m watching you.”

“What do you want?” she asked by way of greeting.

She heard a small chuckle on the other line. “Good morning to you too, sweetie,” he said, sarcastically sweet. “Did you open the articles I sent you?”

“Cut the shit, Ivar, and yeah.”

“What do you mean ‘cut the shit?’ You never know who’s listening these days, right? I was just calling to find out how my angel slept last night. And to invite you to dinner and… someplace special tonight.”

Lagertha took a deep breath. What was he playing at? He practically threatened her life yesterday, now he was staying in character even when he didn’t have to be? “What do you mean someplace special?”

She heard him sigh. “Last night was a good start.” His voice had dropped, back to that flat, cold register she was used to. “But we can do better. I think it’s time to up the ante. Wear something black and after dinner we’ll make sure to be spotted walking into Whipped.”

“You mean that fifty shades of grey place?” Lagertha almost screeched.

That soft chuckle came over the phone again. “What, Lagertha, don’t tell me you’ve never explored your dark side?” 

*

Ivar had hung up before discussing too many details. He texted her the time and location for their dinner reservation; it wasn’t far from the infamous sex club that she had spent all day researching. She still hoped he only meant to have the car drop them out front so some photographer could “catch” them, then let it circle around back to pick them up almost immediately. He couldn’t have meant for them to actually stay there, and “play?”

She still wasn’t sure if she would even agree to go. She knew what her agent would say: “all press is good press.” But that blindfold, whips and chains shit had never been her style and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to add that onto the pile of lies that the public version of her personal life was becoming. And then there was the matter of his threats to “revenge his mother” on her. Was this part of some sort of plan to humiliate her? Or even worse?

[irphanfic]

Moonshot - Chapter 7

I’m back! I don’t know how I managed to finish this chapter this week but somehow I made it so I’m pretty happy!

Hope you enjoy it and any type of feedback is welcome!

summary: Phil had a feeling that this Friday was going to be different.

That didn’t mean he was ready to meet his favourite baseball player, Daniel Howell, while he was cleaning the windows of a building.

or the au in which Phil is a shy window cleaner and Dan is a famous baseball player. This is their story.

words: 4.1k

no trigger warnings

Read on ao3 - (x)

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6

Chapter 7 - Between Books

Phil was in heaven. He was sure he had died and gone to heaven the moment Dan and him kissed in the jellyfish’s room. And then again in the manta ray hallway. And then back at Dan’s doorstep, where he could tell both of them hadn’t wanted to say goodbye.

He had enjoyed seeing Dan in such a carefree mood, smiling the whole time, his eyes sparkled everytime a new fish appeared in his line of vision; relaxed from his baseball player ‘persona’. Even though Dan was pretty honest when it came to fame, Phil was sure there were some traits about his personality that he hadn’t been able to show the world, and this was one of them.

Dan also opened up about his childhood, about how being a professional baseball player had never been in his future plans but he could have never asked for more, how he likes to go back home and see his family and dog but cannot as much as he likes to and a few other things Phil was sure very few people knew about Dan.

It had been such a perfect first date it was unbeliveable and Phil was glad he had managed to capture some of it. They both had taken pictures of sea creatures they’d spotted, but more than once Phil was drawn by Dan’s presence, just looking at his backside or profile contrast with the blueness of the tanks that Phil couldn’t resist and took a few pictures without Dan noticing. He even sent them to Dan after their date, hoping he wouldn’t be mad at Phil for taking them without permission, but Dan was fine about them (even thanking him with some heart and fish emojis) that he even posted a picture on his Instagram, not giving any hints about his date but clearly making everyone see this 'new’ side of him.

Speaking of photos, at first, he hadn’t thought about the fact that their privacy could be invaded by photographers or press, just being happy next to Dan was enough. But what if being spotted with someone like Phil was bad for him? Dan had always dated other famous people and Phil was just… Phil. A window cleaner slash wannabe author. Either way, Dan reassured him that it was fine, as long as Phil was comfortable, of course.

Phil was glad Dan took into account his shyness. He wasn’t sure what would happen if they appeared somewhere, would he be uncomfortable? Nervous? Upset? Happy? Phil wasn’t sure yet, so once it happened, it happened, and that was it.

But Wednesday was gone now, letting Thursday in and Phil had to go back to his present life, where he had just finished watering the houseplants and was checking for new emails, refreshing the page every now and then to see if any of the editorials to which he had sent his manuscript wanted to publish his story. He had sent a few of his oldest stories some months before, but none of them were 'interesting enough’ or it wasn’t 'what they were looking for at the moment’ for them, making Phil feel a bit frustrated at all his attempts.

A ping from his phone alerted him, picking it up from the table, seeing it was a new message from Dan and instantly smiling. 'Don’t make any plans for this Friday. And yes, it’s a date.’

Phil could already feel his cheeks heating up. Why did he have to blush so easily!? Dan Howell asked him on a date and even though they had already been on one, Phil was squealing inside (and maybe on the outside too). A second date with Dan sounded great. More than great.

'Okay, what a shame I’ll have to raincheck my plan of eating an unhealthy amount of Doritos on my couch while watching anime to go with you.’ Phil joked, getting an immediate response from Dan, continuing their conversation till Dan had to leave, promising to text later.

Without Dan distracting him,, his mind started filling up with unanswered questions, 'Where will Dan take him? Would they go somewhere so public like the aquarium again? What if it rained? Was it safe to go outdoors tomorrow?’

Setting all those thoughts aside, Phil left his phone back on his deck, picking up his laptop and refeshing the email page once again, only to see its’ inbox still empty.

He could only hope for a miracle now.

______________

“Why did I do that?” Dan groaned loudly to himself just after exiting practice, remebering what had happened this morning.

As soon as he woke up he was still thinking about his and Phil’s date yesterday. Dan didn’t remember being so comfortable with a… crush? No. Friend? Surely after those kisses the friend barrier was already far away… What were they?

That question aside, he really wanted to go on another date with Phil, see if he could clear out their situation of where was their friendship? heading to, so he did. Sleepily, he picked up his phone and texted Phil, knowing that after lunch on Fridays he was pretty much free.

As soon as Phil sarcastically answered him, he continued their conversation, having to rush out of the door to arrive on time.

Now, hours later he had just remembered a little thing…

Where would he take Phil on the date? He hadn’t thought about that detail.

'Great thinking, Dan. Ask him on a date and take him nowhere, you are great at this romance thing!’ He really had to stop texting while his brain was still not properly functioning.

“What? What did you do? Wanna tell me?” Eric asked back, startling Dan back to reality.

Dan jumped a bit and sighed, not having noticed Eric next to him. Maybe he should explain to Eric all this mess?

“I might have sent a text without much thought to someone this morning and now I’m pretty much in trouble?” Dan questioned. He knew he would came up with some idea sometime, but Phil had agreed on going on a date tomorrow and he was pretty much freaking out.

“Okay… was that text that bad? Is that person going to block you or something?” Eric questioned.

“No, it’s just… I wanted to…” Dan stopped mid-sentence. Did he really want to explain everything what was happening with Phil to Eric. Dan thought he deserved it after he had helped him with that panic attack… “The story is a bit long, you have time?”

“Yeah, let’s go. We can grab a coffee.” Eric said, walking towards his car so they could drive to a nearby café.

That’s how he and Eric found themselves deep in thought on a popular cafeteria on a sunny Thursday after practice.

“Okay, have you thought of anything while you were telling me about Phil, yet?” Eric asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

“The only thing I know is that the aquarium is out for sure. We went there yesterday for our first date,” Dan said, blushing a bit as he remembered how a great time he had had, “and coffee too. As I told you we meet in person for the first time on a little café so I don’t wanna repeat it.”

“From what you told me Phil likes books and wants to be a future author, right?” Dan nooded along with what Eric was saying. “What about a bookshop? They have just opened a new antique vintage-y bookshop just down this neighbourhood and they have many classic and new novels.”

Dan’s eyes widened instantly. That was it! A bookshop! Phil would love that! And Dan liked to read too, not maybe as much as Phil but he was sure he would enjoy it anyway.

“Eric, I… Thank you so much, really. I don’t know what I would do without your advice.” Dan said, honesty clear in his voice.

“You’re welcome, Howell. I mean, from all you have told me you really like this Phil guy, right?”

“You have no idea how much, Eric.” Dan exhaled dramatically, briging one of his hand to his hair, messing his curls in the process. “I want to take this further, you know, ask him to be my boyfriend, but I’m a bit scared to do so. What if I lose him as a friend? I never felt this connection with someone, I don’t know how to explain it, but…”

It wasn’t like the world would end if Phil said no to being his boyfriend, but it was the first time Dan felt something so strong for someone and he wanted to make it right this time.

“Even though I’m pretty sure that if you ask he will say yes, Dan, you need to start following what your heart says so, not what your mind tells you. Otherwise, you will be scared forever.” Eric said to him, patting him on the back a few time before standing up from his uncomfortable chair, “C'mon, think about it on the ride home, I will drive you.”

Dan just nooded, starting to think of any way that he could ask Phil to be his boyfriend.

______________

“Martyn? Can you talk?” Phil asked as soon as he heard a greeting form the other line of the phone. Dan was picking him up for their date in around ten minutes, so he guessed he had a bit of time to calm his nerves by speaking to his brother. He had done that also on their first date and it kind of worked so, what if he tried again?

“Yeah, is something wrong?” Martyn said, voice a bit cracky.

'Stupid phone reception.’ Phil said to himself. The flat was so badly designed the signal could only be reached by almost on the street, that meant going almost outside and the best next option was the front door.

“No, but wait, I’m gonna go into the entrance hallway for better reception, I cannot hear you well.” Phil rapidly walked to it, instantly noticing the difference, “Okay, you can talk now.”

“You were the one calling me, you talk!”

“Right okay, um… I have another date with Dan and I’m a bit nervous. Distract me please.” Phil quickly said, rushing the words so much that Martyn almost couldn’t understand.

“Oh, another date already? Where are you two going? Are you going to kiss under the stars now? Or in front of a bridge?” Martyn teased. Ugh, older brothers. Phil kind of regrets telling him all about the date.

“I don’t know where he is taking me! And… and what if I don’t like it? I mean, I…” Phil panicked, trying to calm himself as he paced around the narrow entrance.

Phil noticed Martyn’s silence on the other side, he was about to ask if something was wrong when he heard a much serious voice. “Phil, don’t worry about that, okay? The place doesn’t matter, the only thing that should is that you are comfortable spending your time with Dan.” He must have sensed Phil’s nervousness before and was trying to be a nice older brother. And even if Phil didn’t want to admt it, Martyn was right.

It was Dan’s comapany that mattered. Phil would enjoy being with Dan everywhere, even if that meant spend 10 hours seein cars go by. He would be happy with Dan by his side.

“Thank you Martyn. You are right, but distract me a bit more please?” Phil asked again. Even if he was a bit more relaxed he could still feel tickles in his stomach.

“Okay. Following the Dan subject, let’s talk about baseball!”

Phil almost groaned but didn’t. His brother couldn’t leave the baseball subject for a minute since he ahd started talking to Dan, telling him to ask Dan about the Rocky Planets. A thing Phil had totally refused to do.

“The Rocky Planets are playing their first game of the season soon, tickets are almost out… you wanna try and get a few?” Martyn always asked the same thing before every Rocky Planets game. Phil had tried a few times and couldn’t go, the tickets were too expensive and he couldn’t spend so much on a baseball game if he wanted to eat for like two weeks.

“Martyn, you know I cannot spend that much money. I would love to see the Rocky Planets play, you know that. See them play for once at the stadium since I have never been there, but I can’t.” Phil sighed. “Maybe if I saved a bit of money I could, but I mostly use all my salary for everything.”

“Phil…” but before Martyn continued Phil cut him off, continuing his speech.

“And I would love to go and maybe surprise Dan. If everything ends up going fine with him, of course! I’m not saying it won’t go badly, but it could somehow… It’s just our second date I’m sure I could mess it up before something even remotely serious…”

“PHIL!” Martyn’s loud voice startled him from his rambling.

“Yeah, sorry. I…” but he couldn’t speak much more since a loud doorbell sound echoed around all the walls of his flat.

“Dan is here.” Phil said, mostly to himself, not even realizing Martyn was still on the phone.

“Well, have fun little brother! Speak to you tomorrow!”

“No, no! Martyn don’t you dare hang up…” but the line was already dead, leaving Phil still more nervous than before. 'Thanks for nothing, Martyn.’

Phil didn’t want to keep Dan waiting, so he pocketed his phone, hand-ironined his red bomber jacket a bit, rearranged his glasses and cleared his throat before opening the door with a smile on his face, even though the freaking zoo he had in his stomach wasn’t going away.

“Hi!” he greeted Dan, who was sporting a soft smile behind a small bunch of flowers, making Phil smile instantly. “Is that for me?” Phil asked, pointing at the bunch.

“Of course, I though you could have a colourful spot around all your houseplant collection” they both laughed at Dan’s remark, “It’s more of a thank you for last time so yeah, here.” Dan handed him the bunch, which Phil gladly picked up, sniffing it.

“I’ll put this in water and we can go, okay?” Phil said as soon as Dan nooded at him.

Phil quickly managed to arrange a vase with water and displayed the flowers in his kitchen table, proabably thinking of moving them to his bedroom when he came back from their date. He wanted to be reminded of this every single day he woke up, to be honest.

“Let’s go, then!” They both headed into the street as soon as Phil closed his front door, instantly brushing hands that Phil decide to lace together so they wouldn’t get lost in the busy street.

They walked slowly, trying to make the most of their touch of hands, dodging the many pedestrians that got in their way not minding if anyone stared, lost in their little bubble as they talked and laughed about random topics.

“We are almost here,” Dan suddenly said, pointing at the right turn that was ahead of them, “I think you will like the place. I have to confess I didn’t have this place in mind when I asked you on another date and I really hope you haven’t been here yet but yeah… this is it.” Dan finished as they turned to the right, ending up in an alleyway where Phil could spot a small bookshop.

The outside was painted a dark green, with big crooked brown letters hanging on a pannel, decorated with a few round bubble shaped farily lights. Right by its’ entrance there were two wooden shelves, a woman stood by the left one, searching for some paper book or newspaper looking around the thousands in there.

It was truly Phil’s dream place.

“You like it? I though that as you dream is to be an author, what a better place to be than a bookshop, uh?” Dan’s soft voice startled him, making Phil look at him with a surprised expression.

“I… I love it Dan. It seems so nice! Can we go in, please?” Phil knew he was acting as a child wanting to go into a candy shop, but he guessed bookstores for him were the equivalent of one.

“Sure,” was all Dan managed to say before Phil tugged him in, crossing the entrance and instantly gasping at the amout of shelves filled with old and new books, a strong smell reaching his nostrils, reminding Phil how much he loved books.

Phil walked through the narrow passages, drawing his fingers through the hard-covered books stopping at the horror/sci-fi section, his favourite genres of all, spotting a few novels he had been wanting to read for a while now.

“They have a few armchairs on the second floor of the bookshop if you just want to read,” Dan said to him, seeing as he had picked a few books already in both hands.

Phil looked down at the books and back up at Dan, realizing he was on a date with him, not wanting to leave him here alone, it would be a rude thing to do so. “No, I can read them other time, I don’t wanna ignore you the whole time. If this is a date you should enjoy it too!” Phil knew Dan liked to read, but he wasn’t as passionate as Phil towards books. Maybe spending three hours reading on worn out armchair wasn’t that appealing to Dan.

“What about we sit and you read to me? A few chapters at least. I really like hearing you talk, Phil.”

Phil, as it turned out, blushed at the comment but nooded, climbling up the small stairs that headed towards the dark blue velver armchairs scattered around with a few coffee tables also around.

It was surprisingly empty, just a few students around, making notes on their computers who didn’t even lift their heads as Dan and Phil walked by the far end of the floor, seatting across eachother in the old cushioned chairs.

Phil didn’t waste a minute and picked up a book from the pile he left on the small wooden coffee table in front of him, dangling his feet around the armrest of the armchair, resting his back againt the other, his soft and low voice instantly filling the little space Dan and him were in.

He got lost in the words that tumbled from his mouth carefully, creating different tones for the different characters that were starting to appear as he got further into the story, really liking how it was easily developing.

Phil continued reading, passing the pages with his fingers, loving the feeling of paper beneath his fingers and before he knew it he had almost reached the middle of the book, realizing they had maybe spent a few hours already there. Him reading and Dan listening.

“End of chapter 4.” Phil read, instanly blushing again as he spotted Dan with his phone out, taking a picture of him as he looked like a big child. Phil was sure his glasses were almost falling from hin nose, his red bomber jacket hunched in a few spots due to the posture he was in as he moved his feet around the air back and forth, right and left, right and left.

“Dan!” he almost shouted, laughing a bit and dragging the 'a’ of his name, knowing he couldn’t be mad at him after he had done the same thing at the aquarium.

“You look too damn cute, I couldn’t resist!” Dan said grinning.

Phil felt his face turning pink again, hiding behind the open book he had been reading not wanting Dan to see his rose coloured face so many times in a day. He hated how easily he blushed!

He heard Dan laughing softly from the other side, followed by a few steps meaning he had gotten up and was walking… “Don’t hide, please”

Phil noticed how Dan lowered the book form his face, picking it up and closing it, setting it down next to the others that were still in the pile as Dan sat in a free space of the coffee table, looking straight into Phil’s eyes.

“I love it when you blush, Phil. Pink suits you, you know.” Dan said, chuckling, making Phil blush more if that was even possible.

“I don’t like it, it makes me look like a tomato all the time!” Phil complained, crossing his arms against his chest and looking down to his lap.

“Come here, you.” was all Phil heard Dan say as he felt his fingers on his chin, moving Phil’s face closer to Dan’s, kissing his pouty lips with a few pecks, the kisses gradually growing longer as they moved their lips in snyc slowly, enjoying the other’s lips on theirs.

Phil sat up straighter, posing his hand on Dan’s soft cheek and guiding his head, not deattaching his lips from Dan’s as he bit his lower lip for a deeper kiss.

They were so caught up in their kiss they didn’t even realize one of the workers had entered the floor, ushering everyone out as it was almost time to close, only separating from each other as they heard a few awkward sounding coughs coming from the other side of the floor.

“Excuse me gentelmen,” Phil separated from Dan, both of them looking at eachother before turing thir gaze at the voice, “we are closing soon, if you could leave this floor it would be great. Thank you.”

The worker disappeared quickly, almost running down the stairs, a bit embarrassed she had just witnessed the both of them kissing not so platonically.

“We should go,” Dan said, his voice deep making Phil just want to kiss him again.

Phil nooded repeatedly, not trusting his voice after those kisses. As he had done a few hours before, he grabbed Dan’s hand again and headed them both down the stairs. Once they had reached the main floor Dan stopped.

“What’s wr…?” Phil didn’t manage to say anything more as Dan cut him off.

“Wait,” Dan said, stopping and turning back up the stairs, coming back down with the book Phil had been reading to him.

Phil watched as Dan made it to the register, paying for the book and waving a quick goodbye to the still embarrassed worker that was pilling up a few books that had been scattered around.

Lacing their fingers once again, Dan lead them both outside the bookstore, taking a few steps in the direction they came from.

“I’m glad you enjoyed the first chapters of book, it’s really good.” Phil spoke as soon as they exited the alleyway, “I had been waiting to read it for a while now, I think you will get a better experience now that you can read it for yourself.” Phil said, pointing at the novel.

“No, I bought it for you.” Dan stopped in the middle of the street, putting himself in front of Phil so he could look at him, “Yeah, I enjoyed it, you voice is relaxing and you know how to involve someone in a story but… I liked more the way your eyes lit up everytime you started a new page, how you manage to appreciate every inked word. You had the same expression as me when people tell me that you can see in my eyes that I love playing baseball, and that’s true and I want to see it many times more, with this book or with every other.”

Phil didn’t know what to say, he was completely speechleess. Dan had practically confessed he wanted to keep meeting Phil and enjoy his company as much as he could. “Dan… thank you. I don’t know what…”

“There is no need. Here, take it,” Dan handed Phil the novel, who brought it to his chest, clutching it tightly as it was going to escape from his hands, “that way you can still read it to me but in a more comfortable seat. Promise?”

Phil smiled widely at him and nooded. He would love to keep reading books to Dan even if he had to seat on a chair made of spikes, he didn’t care.

“Promise.”

Only a few more words were exchanged while they walked back to Phil’s flat, the sunset painting the path in orange and red tones, guiding them through the few people still left on the street, finally reaching their destination and managing to steal a few goodbye kisses before the night settled in.

Chapter 8

A/N: For this chapter I was inspired by the Shakespeare and Company bookshop that is in Paris. (Check it on Google, it’s cool) I was there for a semester and I didn’t know that it was there and I found out when I came back to Spain so yeah, I wanna go back and visit so bad!