#top surgery mention

[0rph1x]

i was discussing top surgery on the phone with my friends the other night and how i was worried abt how i was gonna recover on my own and literally ALL OF THEM immediately were like "dude u dont have to worry abt that we'll all be here to help however u need" AND I???? ALMOST CRIED??????? i mentioned that its gonna be like a really personal and tough recovery and they literally didnt care, they even mentioned taking like shifts stopping by so i had someone with me to help if i needed it. agh. i love my friends so much u guys.

[foxmulderspecialagent]

💞what kind of fantasies would you like to explore with someone?

Mulder is flustered by the question, despite his extensive "video" collection and little black book of late night ladies to call, as he'd only ever really had fantasies about those he'd gotten genuinely close to, and each fantasy was rather personal to each individual.

Due to this, the fantasy being revealed is one about Scully. His most reoccurring one regarding her specifically.

(Below the cut for PG-13-R rated content) ((Side note: I write Mulder as a transman, so that is included in this. Or at least mentions of top surgery scars and mild gender dysmorphia are present. Proceed with caution if that's upsetting to you))

He'd be cupping her cheek after a mission, one where they'd had to go undercover as a couple. Their foreheads would be pressed together before they kiss, Scully's eyes closing as she awaits Mulder's kiss. Her hand is stroking the spot where his hair ends on his neck, small circles being drawn on his skin and swirling his hair a bit.

"Are you going to kiss me yet?" she'd ask him, opening her eyes just enough to look at him through her lashes. He couldn't help but smirk at her bluntness, as it made him feel like she truly wanted this - wanted him. He shakes his head, pulling away from the forehead touch.

"Someone is outside our motel room," he whispered to her, stroking her cheek gently, "so I guess if we do this, it's maintaining our cover." It was true, their mission wasn't truly over, as one of the dismissed suspects - a policeman - was attempting to watch their shadows from their car.

Stumbling over to the window with Scully as they attempted to stay in an embrace, Mulder shut all layers of curtains so the policeman wouldn't even be able to see their shadows.

"We're good now," he informed her, putting his hands on her waist and lifting her so she could wrap her legs around his own waist.

"Sure you didn't want to prove we're a couple to them?" Scully teased, kissing along Mulder's strong jawline between words.

"Oh, I think we should prove to each other that we're a couple," Mulder winked at her as she was now eye to eye with him - or rather almost. Even wrapped around his waist, Mulder dwarfed Scully.

Scully's response was a cheeky grin, her hand stroking his hair again. It was surprisingly soft and silky for someone who'd been using motel-provided shampoo and conditioner. Granted, it was likely a step up from Mulder's usual 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner that simply did its job without any extra benefits.

"So, that kiss...?" Mulder asked, trailing off as he awaited Scully's consent again, as the mood had changed a bit. This was for them, not some creep, and Mulder wanted to be certain she was comfortable.

Rather than answering him with words, Scully pressed her coral painted lips against Mulder's plush lips. His green eyes closed, lashes brushing his cheek as he carried Scully to be able to hold her up against the wall as they kissed.

"Mmm," he hummed into the kiss as he deepened it, one hand now able to go back to Scully's face to gently tuck loose hairs.

After breath taking kisses, Mulder lay Scully down on the king sized motel bed, looking her body over with an intoxication despite her still being in her official FBI suit. "Gorgeous," he commented, going to unbutton his own shirt until Scully stopped him and began undoing them herself.

"Not so bad looking yourself," Scully praised as she observed Mulder's abdomen upon finishing undoing his shirt. She ran a hand over his chest, including his top surgery scars, down his abdomen and to his belt ever so slowly.

Mulder's eyes widened, a bit surprised by Scully's reaction to his body as he didn't consider himself exactly handsome in truth. He always feared he'd look too feminine somehow to a lover of his. Yet Scully looked at him like he was some sort of Grecian statue of a mythological hero. "Really?" he had to confirm, looking down with a head tilt at Scully.

Scully sat up so she was inches from Mulder, him standing between her thighs, "really," she told him with emphasis as she kissed his neck again, pulling him back down with her as she leaned back.

He couldn't help but smirk, using a hand to turn Scully's face to his so he could kiss her lips again. "Dammit Scully," he chuckled as their kiss broke, unable to bring himself to say what he was thinking.

"Hush lover boy, and let us enjoy each other," Scully insisted, looking up at the bewildered Mulder with a lustful yet loving gaze.

'Lover boy?" he wondered, wondering if she meant she loved him. The way she was looking at him suggested she was at the very least genuinely attracted to him, and her words...they told him this intimacy wasn't an act for the mission, that nothing about what was going to happen was fake.

After a passionate night, Mulder tallied the number of times he told Scully he loved her to be eleven, and her tally for saying it being eight. She had also shown him how she loved him, all of him, and he'd done the same for her.

Rolling on his side and making sure Scully had enough blanket, Mulder grinned stupidly at his partner. "So, I guess we really are a bonded pair."

To summarize, Mulder's deepest fantasy regarding Scully is her confessing she loves him and enjoying being with him intimately despite his insecurities.

[not-heavenly]

Top surgery/BBL two for one groupon. Is that anything

[trans-mulder]

I know I already said this but not having chest dysphoria anymore is overwhelming, for me top dysphoria was really severe. I just keep thinking about how the beloathed things aren't there anymore and it feels like I was granted a miracle. I'd cry but I'm too happy about it.

Also really sleepy a lot since I'm not fully healed up yet so I've been on tumblr way too much lol.

[deadrabbitohno]

~ for one month · one month after ~

i want to tell everything, a tell-all, a kiss and tell, but i don’t know what the everything, the all, the tell is. I want to reveal all the grubby little parts of the experience as it happened. Everything happens so much. The happening never stops. Everything that has happened is still happening. That’s what this little experiment is doing: a textual tongue feeling around the gummed site created by, excavated by, an experience; an imperfect, fumbled translation; some kind of ongoing dance—the what-could-have-been and the what is-right-now, and right-now, and right-now, done badly, without knowing all the steps.

~

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[anti-terf-posts]

reasons to get top surgery:

boobs 😡😭😔🥲😮‍💨

reasons why not to get top surgery:

boobs 🤭😋😄🥰😍

[time-woods]

more of this nonsense bc im sooo normal

[otaconsloverboy]

I swear i had to dye my hair for my new job

[ftxfagula]

Being in your twenties is just

Have I eaten today? Do I have autism? I want a new job. Am I dehydrated? God, I want top surgery so bad. Where's my birth certificate? Oh it's nice out today! Should I get high tonight? I'm so hungry. I'm so sad. Do my friends hate me? I need a nap. I'd be so much hotter without tits.

[atlas-affogato]

Tank tops would be so gender if I didn't have tits

[magnetothemagnificent]

"Why would you want to cut off perfectly healthy breast tissue???!!!"

First of all, I don't have perfectly healthy breasts. I haven't had healthy breasts since they started growing. I have macromastia and chronic fibrocystic breast tissue, which means that when I was 14-15 my *doctor* was the one to even bring up the idea of having some kind of breast surgery. She had breast reduction in mind, but the top surgery I want really isn't that much different than the reduction surgery I would have if I didn't have chest dysphoria. I would still likely need nipple grafts, the recovery time would be pretty much the same, the scarring would be pretty much the same. I was always going to remove my breast tissue, it was always on the table for me, the only change is how much breast tissue I'll be having removed.

Also here's the thing: you don't know for sure if breast tissue even is "perfectly healthy" until you do a biopsy. That's why it's standard procedure to perform a biopsy as part of double mastectomy top surgery, just in case there was something like cancer in the breasts requiring more follow-up.

And cis women get double mastectomies, even if they don't have something like cancer. Cis women who've discovered they have a high risk of developing breast cancer might elect to get a mastectomy before any cancer could develop- they were cutting off "perfectly healthy" tissue then. They were getting their breasts removed to improve their medical futures and to put their minds at ease. Are trans men getting top surgeries not doing exactly the same thing?

[boytransmission]

camboy4tsf

[transmascissues]

i’m getting my drains out tomorrow and i’m sure things will be different after they’re gone, so here’s my observations about top surgery recovery as of 6 days post-op!

(click here for my first post, from 3 days after)

something i forgot to mention in my last post is that if they tell you a medication has to be taken with food, do not fuck with that. absolutely do not. my antibiotic had to be taken with food and on day 2, i thought “well, i just had breakfast not too long ago, surely that’s close enough and i’ll be fine” and my parents agreed, but guess what? i spent the next hour in hell. the meds made me nauseous so i had to eat, but eating still hurt a lot because of the sore throat from being intubated, so trying to make it better just caused me more pain. and both the sore throat and the nausea (which i guess was as much a heartburn sort of situation as it was nausea) were both very chest-adjacent feelings, so that on top of the usual pain and discomfort from surgery was just a perfect storm of horrible things all centralized to one part of my body. it was awful, and i will never fuck around with something like that again. that being said, if you do find yourself in that situation or are just looking for something light that will still do the job because you’re not that hungry, 10/10 would recommend oatmeal and apple sauce. apple sauce is what finally got my body to stop rioting against me and my bad decisions, and after that i started always taking it halfway through a bowl of oatmeal and that worked perfectly.

on day 4, i was able to sit up and get out of bed by myself for the first time! i still can’t do it just by using my core muscles, but if i hold onto my legs and lower them, i can sort of roll myself up into a sitting position without using any of the affected muscles too much.

on day 5, the sore throat from hell that being intubated gave me finally went away! cheers to not gripping my pillow in pain every two seconds while i swallow my spit anymore. it lasted a while, but it honestly went away pretty fast — on day 4 it was a bit better than it had been, and then the next day it was just gone.

also on day 5, i really started to feel the bandages digging into my armpits. i’m not sure if it’s because the bandage has been slipping up over time, if my armpits have some extra swelling now, or if it’s just been wearing my body down over time, but it feels like it’s starting to cut off circulation at a certain point and it makes my arms ache sometimes. that’s probably not great, but the surgeon will be redoing everything at my post-op anyway so i’ve just been riding it out until then. in the meantime, i can tell it’s definitely worse when i’m sitting back and kind of slouched (because that position pushes it up more), so i try to sit up or walk around when i feel it. having pillows on either side of me to put my elbows up on definitely also helps a lot — that’s how i’ve been sleeping, but it would be good for just sitting too.

also also on day 5, i started getting this weird fluttery feeling in the spot where the left side of my chest and the meat of my left armpit connect. it feels like it’s probably some sort of muscle spasm. it’s not painful at all, but i honestly wish it was because it’s just super weird and uncomfortable instead and i hate it. it genuinely might be my least favorite out of any pains or sensations i’ve had so far. luckily, though, it seems like it’s already died down and only happened a couple times today.

my energy has been all over the place. i’m at the point now where mentally i’m much closer to my normal state so i’m once again having the adhd urge to constantly do stuff, but my body’s ability to keep up is far less consistent. sometimes i get restless and can just get up and pace around for a while, but other times i try to do that and get really quickly exhausted. i’m definitely more able to have conversations and feel more like myself now though, even when my body is tired out.

i’ve been thirsty as all hell the past few days. i feel like i’m constantly asking my boyfriend to refill my water for me because i drain it so fast. it’s a very specific kind of thirst, too — like it never quite goes away even when i’m definitely very thoroughly hydrated, and like anything but water can’t even touch it. it’s not a bad thing, getting lots of fluids after surgery is important and i wouldn’t be surprised if that’s exactly why my body is doing it, but it is a bit frustrating to just be incessantly thirsty for days at a time.

my walking posture is getting straighter every day. i still have to hold my chest to walk because of the bandage feeling like it drags things down, but if i’m walking with my mastectomy pillow, it mostly just looks like a typical slouch and not the deep hunch i started with.

at this point, my chest is super sensitive to any kind of movement, and that’s the other thing the pillow has been really good for at this stage. if the bandage shifts at all, if my body moves at all, basically anything — i feel it all in my chest really intensely. it’s not always painful, but it isn’t comfortable either. holding the pillow to my chest helps stabilize things so the movement doesn’t reach the sensitive parts as much, which is really great.

walking up stairs is easier than walking down stairs, which is the exact opposite of what i would’ve guessed. from what i can tell just from moving around, i think it’s because bending your legs up to a higher step pretty solidly relies on your legs and lower core muscles to make it happen, while reaching your legs down to a lower step requires stretching your body out (which is famously not your body’s favorite thing to do after top surgery). it often feels like i almost can’t reach the step below and have to just barely catch it with the balls of my feet. it’s also just generally been good to take the stairs super slow going up or down because you really can’t use the railing — putting enough weight on it to really rely on it at all requires using chest muscles, so the best i’ve been able to do is just rest my hand on it in case of emergency (because i’d rather hurt my chest than crack my head open if it comes to that).

one of the things that makes the stairs hard is that my center of balance is off from hunching, and that definitely affects my walking too. it’s less pronounced now that i’m in the habit of using the pillow to walk straighter, but i have to take shorter strides and sort of shuffle around because longer strides need better balance, and even with the shuffle i’m stumbling more than usual. i already have some balance problems so i’m pretty used to the feeling of it, but it has freaked my parents out a couple times to see me start listing to one side before i catch myself.

fuck reflexes. reflexes are the actual worst. something i didn’t anticipate is that no matter how careful you are to not reach your arms too far or move them too fast, you can never totally account for what you do if something starts falling. a few times now, i’ve definitely reached too far or fast before stopping myself because i saw something about to go down and my brain instinctively told my hands to catch it. i’m not sure if there’s anything you can really do about that, but it’s worth being aware of because it caught me by surprise the first time i did it.

one side of my chest has been consistently more swollen than the other. that side has also consistently drained less, and the fluid it does drain is darker and redder. we asked my surgeon if that was normal and she said there’s almost always one side that drains more than the other, but it’s still something we’ve been keeping an eye on. hopefully i’ll be able to get a more concrete answer at my post-op, once she can see the swelling up close and look at the drainage numbers from the past week.

as i’ve been getting some use of my body back, the pain in my chest has gotten a bit more obvious. it’s milder pain, and when i’m not doing anything it’s mostly painless to the point where i’m going a lot longer between tylenol doses, but when i’m using my body, i can definitely feel it. the fact that i’m not avoiding physical activity like the plague as much means i’m noticing more pain even though objectively my pain levels have gone down — the things that hurt now didn’t hurt less before, i just didn’t even attempt them before because i knew they would hurt so much. now that the pain is down, i can try more things, which means i’m more likely to try something that ends up hurting. of course, you should always try to follow the if-it-hurts-then-stop rule, but you can’t avoid the pain altogether as you learn your body’s boundaries, so i ended up getting to a point where getting better feels like getting worse.

on that note, i’ve also learned that there’s a pretty distinct difference between milder “i should proceed with caution” pain and intense “stop what you’re doing right now” pain. as much as avoiding things that hurt is ideal, it’s not always realistic, but my body has definitely been very clear in telling me what i can and can’t compromise on. in the beginning i was really paranoid about doing anything that caused any pain at all, but now i’m more familiar with where i can push a bit further if needed and where i really need to hold off.

i’ve been getting chills much more easily lately, and they’ve also been SUPER strong. i’ll be watching a show or listening to music and something will give me chills, and it’s a really intense feeling all across my ribs, and even thinking about the thing that caused it brings on a whole new wave. i’m super curious to see if it’s just a temporary result of my nerves doing their thing or if it’ll stick around long-term. it’s not unpleasant at all, i honestly really like it.

i got some food for myself for the first time today (day 6) and it just involved slicing some pretty soft cheese, but wow, it was a workout for my shoulder. i’m guessing it’s because i haven’t really used my muscles in that way for a week, and because not being able to use my chest muscles means i was relying on my shoulder a lot more to do all the work of moving my arm. by the time i was done, just holding the block of cheese to put it back in the fridge felt like lifting weights.

i didn’t change my shirt the first few days but i’ve changed a few times now, and we’ve perfected the art of getting a button up shirt on me without overreaching my arms at all. basically, you want to put both arms into the sleeves before you lift the shirt up onto your shoulders, because once the shirt is on one shoulder, you have to reach back a lot farther to get to the other sleeve. once you have both arms in, you can lift it onto your shoulders and button it. ideally, whoever’s helping you should do most of the work to pull the sleeves over your arms so you don’t have to stretch your arm out to get them on. i’m sure that’ll be overkill once i have a bit more mobility, but for now, it works great. it definitely would be tough if the shirt was fitted though, so i’m glad i went up a size.

i hope my posts like this have been helpful, or at least interesting to read! i’ll definitely keep updating as time goes on and things change, and i’m also going to work on a breakdown of my experience at the hospital pre- and post-op, as well as my post-op appointment experience once that happens tomorrow.

y’all are getting the good, the bad, and the ugly of my recovery experience. i know a lot of this has been very focused on the bad and the ugly so far because surgery is generally rough, but i’m going to see my chest again tomorrow so stay tuned for some good!

[i-really-like-phrogs]

Re-read the script for ‘Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian’, and it inspired me to make a silly little scene with my favorite niece and uncle as a warmup.

Please DO NOT TAG AS SHIP ART!!

[endtimers]

love hitting characters with the transgenderfication beam. shadowheart is soooo transgender. alfira is transgender. gale and wyll are also very transgender no quastion. smacking Wulbren Bongle witj the shitty transmasc gun.

[mitamicah]

Not me brainstorming ideas for my post op tattoo (context) like I'd contact the tattoo artist tomorrow and not in a 1,5 year or more

This was where my inspiration took me today I guess :'D