#tragic characters with out a chance really speak to me

[dead-enby-detective]

I wonder how much this scene plays a role in Monty choosing to target Edwin over Charles after Esther sends him to befriend the boys and then later how it impacts him falling for Edwin.

Edwin is the first one to enter so he’s the first one Monty sees.

Monty doesn’t crow when Edwin enters the house but waits until Charles enters. Does he already like Edwin better? Did he see Edwin and see something special?

Charles immediately responds to the crowing by telling him to hush. Did Charles’s words stick with him after Esther gave him a human body and mind and feelings? Were his feelings hurt or was he just annoyed by it?

Edwin pulls his gloves off as he passes Monty’s cage, does he think about that after becoming human? The way Edwin takes off a piece of his armor right before going into danger?

After Edwin tell his partner he believes in Charles’s ability to open the lock, Monty crows, and Charles sasses back. Edwin pays him no mind. Does that frustrate him, later when he’s human?

After Charles opens the lock, Edwin is the one who figures out that cabinet is a trick door.

I may not like Esther but she is clever. Was Monty learning from her the entire time he was her familiar? Does he take after her in that way? Always learning, always being wanting to be clever?

Monty, is shown soon after becoming human, to have a vast knowledge of zodiac signs. Did he learn all that in that short time span or was some of it things he’s taken in from Esther over the years? How much had he learned from her, from her spells, her books over the years?

Was he “raised” to appreciate cleverness even as a crow? Did he admire Edwin’s cleverness from the beginning?

Did he become human and immediately think back to when they first entered the house and wonder if Edwin would appreciate cleverness in return? Would appreciate the opportunity to learn something new from him? Hoped that they could be clever together?

There’s just so much to this scene from Monty’s perspective that I think we should consider.

Did he ever wonder if he was clever enough, would it be enough for Edwin to give him a chance?

Like he said, he never asked to be human… did he hope that, when the time came, with all his cleverness, that Edwin would understand that?

That he had never really had a chance in the first place?

[sunfyrisms]

what’s upsetting to me about making house velaryon black is that the writers seem to go out of their way to bend all these characters to rhaenyra.

laena’s entire character exists to show us that daemon is not happy if he is not with rhaenyra. “we were happy enough” in response to being asked if he loved laena. even laena’s death. it’s tragic, it’s horrifying, and based on the direction the show is going, it will likely be used to uplift rhaenyra. “i want to die a dragonrider’s death” like hello? and even her funeral is used for rhaenyra to have sex with daemon.

vaemond, the only velaryon who does not try to empower rhaenyra, was horrifically decapitated by daemon (cowardly i may add, given how he struck this man from behind) for speaking the truth. the writers really had him call rhaenyra a whore to distract us from the fact he is literally right. her sons have no direct connection to house velaryon.

baela is used to prop rhaenyra up at every possible chance. she is blood and fire, but she was raised at high tide for years. nearly every scene she has, she is doing whatever rhaenyra wants, or speaking highly of her to another character (usually jace).

rhaena is forced to become a glorified babysitter to rhaenyra’s kids. that scene was odd because of the complete lack of warmth and affection that rhaenyra supposedly has for her step-daughters.

like why? what was the point? these actresses and actors are amazing and their characters do not get the justice they deserve. they deserve better than being used to prop up the feminist white savior who comes from a long line of people who genuinely believe they are truly above everyone else because of their heritage.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Symptoms of a System Error: The Manifestation of Myungha's Depression in Love for Love's Sake

Ok I will almost certainly have more thoughts about this when I go back to rewatch Love for Love’s Sake in the next couple weeks, but I’ve been thinking about the finale for the last couple of hours and I want to get some stuff out of my head. Before I get too far in to this, I want to say that I think most of the ambiguity in the show is brilliantly executed in a way that allows people to take whatever meaning they want to from it without contradicting each other, without stepping on toes, and without having to twist or bend the narrative beyond all recognition to  make it make sense. 

So I want to talk about the use of depression in this show, because the way Myungha exists in the world is recognizable enough to me that these moments of choice, and the system errors were extremely legible. That doesn’t mean my take is the correct one (and I honestly don’t think there is one right answer here anyway) but it’s what I got out of it, so with the needless ramble complete, let’s get to it. 

Prologue

gif by @dramascene

I connected rather quickly to Myungha as a character from right near the beginning of episode 1 because of how passionate he was about the character of Yeowoon and how much he hoped for a happy ending for that character. As someone who processes a lot of my feelings, and who understands myself better through media consumption, I was quick to appreciate the fact that Myungha recognizes the parts of himself that speak to Yeowoon and to know that because Yeowoon is fictional, he has a chance not to suffer with merely a stroke of a pen. The Author could have chosen from the beginning to give Yeowoon a happy ending, and did not because he believes that there are people for whom bad things will never stop happening. But from the perspective of a fictional story, the Author should consider who he is writing the story for. Myungha connects to Yeowoon, and it sends one hell of a tragic message for how Myungha’s life will end up if even in fiction the people who suffer have no hope of happiness. 

Myungha tells the Author that someone like Cha Yeowoon, someone like him [Myungha] with awful lives can still be happy. Looking back on that statement with the knowledge that Myungha kills himself, sends a very clear message, at least for me, of the hope that he was clinging to and finally lost his grip on. The Author asks if Myungha can change the outcome, and thus begins our story.

Debuffs

Now, I don’t know that I will have much more to say here than what @jemmo said in their very brilliant post, beyond the fact I agree with their interpretation of the debuffs. But I am thinking about the debuffs as it relates to mental health and to Myungha’s independence. One of Myungha’s first missions is to befriend Cha Yeowoon, and we see the difficulties associated with doing so when it comes to the Fondness Level meter and the debuffs that happen as a result. I love what Jess said about the dichotomy there: the debuffs mean that every time Myungha gets close to Yeowoon, something bad happens, Myungha uses that as a reason to stay away from Yeowoon to protect him when in fact, being around Myungha and increasing his fondness for him is the only way to really keep Yeowoon safe. 

gif by @dramascene

And here again there is something recognizable to me in this dichotomy. Myungha likes Yeowoon, Myungha wants to be friends with Yeowoon, every time something bad might happen to Yeowoon, Myungha is there to intervene. But Myungha is convinced that the potentially negative events that might occur during a debuff are because of him, and so he avoids Yeowoon as much as he possibly can. To me this makes the debuffs a stand in for depression symptoms. Myungha has convinced himself that he is the cause of the bad moments in Yeowoon’s day. Myungha has convinced himself that Yeowoon would be better off if they weren’t friends, because he only makes things worse. And that is not something he can easily shake off, it’s not something he can logic his way out of, that’s the game, that’s just how it is. And so he withdraws until Yeowoon comes to him. 

And honestly thinking about it, nothing bad really happens during those debuffs. The light doesn’t shatter, the boys back off on the bus, Yeowoon doesn’t punch Sangwon. Maybe the reason why nothing at all happens is because Myungha intervenes. Maybe if Myungha hadn’t been there, the light would have broken, maybe if Myungha hadn’t been there Yeowoon would have punched Sangwon. But that is not a lens that Myungha is capable of viewing himself through, that is never an option that crosses Myungha’s mind because he is too focused on feeling like the cause of Yeowoon’s problems. 

System Errors

I know there is a lot of confusion or at least uncertainty around the system errors. Why are they happening? Where are they coming from? For me, I think the answer is Myungha himself. The first time we get a system error, it’s in Episode 6, what I think is the day after Yeowoon and Myungha have their first kiss and very soon after Yeowoon and Myungha kiss on the rooftop at school. The first error isn’t subtle, but it’s not explicitly stated. Myungha walks in to a room to take a phone call and walks in to the middle of band practice, falling through the world as he tries to remove himself from the situation until he (literally) runs in to Yeowoon. Myungha goes home that night and gets his first moments in the black abyss, and the first explicit mention via pop-up of a system error. I have not gone through (yet) to track every instance of what happens before a system error pop-up occurs from that point on, but I will say moment that was most legible for me in terms of indicating that these system errors were stemming from Myungha himself were when he gets the notification both times that Yeowoon looks directly at him and tells Myungha “I love you.” 

gif by @dragonsareawesome123

That moment was a guy punch for me because I was not able to see it any other way except that Myungha is so incapable of believing that people could actually love him that someone telling him directly and sincerely that they love him cannot exist in his world. He literally cannot compute it, and thus an error occurs. Again from the perspective of depression, or trauma, or what have you, this is familiar to me. It is perhaps the most reflective part of Myungha to my own psyche. Neither of us know how to be loved. 

Myungha is called out on this repeatedly, he is nice to everyone, he does so much for everyone and refuses to ask for help himself. I’m the same way, I will bend over backwards as much as I can to help the people that I care about, but it is a rare occasion where I can ask for help myself. I’m not sure if this is the case for Myungha, but for me at least a lot of that stems from needing to make myself useful to people in some way so they keep me around. And so I end up feeling like a commodity to the people that I care about and help, and merely tolerated by anyone else that I do not help but that interacts with me any way. Myungha is called out consistently by multiple people, real or NPC about this similar habit. Myungha does not want to be a burden, Myungha only cares about other people’s happiness, Myungha is not happy himself and has maybe never been happy and so he pours everything he can in to lightening the load for others. 

He loves Yeowoon, but to be loved by Yeowoon is different. To experience any moments of joy cannot possibly be real. Maybe I am projecting too much on to the character, but it makes complete and total sense to me that Myungha’s worldview would break down upon having someone state wholeheartedly that they want to be a support system for him. 

Cruel Choices

gif by @dramascene

With the enmeshment of depression and video game mechanics in mind, I want to talk about the scene at the end of Episode 6. I love this scene so much for a number of reasons: 

It turns the game on a head for me as we slip further and further in to a nightmare scenario

It raises the stakes and attempts to get Myungha to make a hard choice 

It forces Myungha to think about what is important to him 

It’s ultimate purpose and who is posting the mission is ambiguous/uncertain 

I’m going to focus on number four. I think it is a perfectly valid read to see this and all video game mechanics as designed by The Author in an effort to help Myungha change Yeowoon’s story in which case this mission feels particularly vindictive and cruel. @lurkingshan posed the question in a conversation we were having about Love for Love’s Sake, where she wondered why the game could not hold two sources of love for Myungha at once. I love that question because it made me realize how differently this show can be read and how important who you choose to read as the entity in control of this game is for what this scene specifically means and I love so many interpretations of it, I love the interpretation that is was simply cruel, I love the interpretation that in retrospect this was the Author being angry at Myungha for dying, I love the reflection from @jemmo that said this felt like a choice between staying rooted in the past (sparing grandma) or choosing a future (sparing Yeowoon)

For me, I think I am leaning heavily in to the pop ups are under Myungha’s subconscious control, his mind, the missions he thinks are important, the problems he thinks he is causing are what is driving the base game. Because of this my base instinct is to lean in to the depression/anxiety/trauma tent where things have been going a little too well for him lately and he has convinced himself that he is due for something bad to happen. I am happy to once again acknowledge that this probably projection, but I know that my own mental illness(es) does not let my peace linger for long. Myungha is spending so much time with Yeowoon, Yeowoon who grounds him when his world is literally falling apart. Yeowoon who cannot contain his smile whenever he is around Myungha, Yeowoon who is downright desperate to bestow love and support upon Myungha, Yeowoon who has accompanied Myungha to the hospital late at night to be there for his boyfriend in a stressful time, and Myungha can’t have that. He loves his grandmother, he loves Yeowoon, they both love him and so obviously means that something bad is going to happen to them. 

gif by @25shadesoffebruary

[As an aside I am thinking about what the Author said in the final episode about wanting Myungha to be able to see himself from the outside, and how I took that to mean Yeowoon is supposed to be a reflection of Myungha and a journey to self love, and how Yeowoon told Myungha that something bad always happens to the people around him in relation to this hospital scene]

Secondarily, I do think being confronted with this choice at all allows Myungha to have a moment of reflection, and is clarifying for him to know that both Yeowoon and his grandmother are important people in his life that he doesn’t want to lose. That’s fucking huge, in my opinion at least. And for all this mission was cruel, it was the first time Myungha refused to complete the mission. He was asked to save one, he decided to save both, and the game could have been cruel and taken his grandmother and Yeowoon away for refusing to choose, but it didn’t. They both got to live, and sure Myungha’s mission to make Yeowoon happy was shortened significantly, but I do think fifteen days was enough time to be successful in his mission if the depression and the grief had not gotten to Myungha instead. 

Grief 

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Something about grief that my therapist told me once was grieving people love helping others. And I think that is the case of Myungha here just based on the way he throws himself in to helping as many people as he can, especially Yeowoon. He knows Yeowoon is grieving, he knows Yeowoon is struggling, and he can distract himself from his own shit by helping Yeowoon instead. But once Myungha is confronted with the possibility that either one of the people that he loves could die, the penality for failing in his mission to make Yeowoon happy looms over his head like a knife. Just like Myungha considered himself the problem with the debuff, he knows how high of a likelihood it is that Yeowoon would regress, would isolate, would sink into a massive low. 

And it would be Myung’s fault (in his mind). 

Especially because Yeowoon keeps saying that even thinking about going on dates with Myungha is making him happy but Myungha’s mission isn’t complete. Myungha has started to get low, he is not as engaged in his relationship with Yeowoon, he’s convinced himself he is going to fail, and is thus setting himself up for failure because he decides 15 days is not enough time to find happiness, but it is enough time to break somebody’s heart in preparation for a devastating loss. And maybe, maybe Myungha would have snapped out of it with enough time to spare initially, but any hope of that being the case was shattered the second Yeowoon admitted that he wasn’t happy because Myungha wasn’t relying on him. 

Myungha is so used to be self-reliant there is no way for him to break out of that habit in just two weeks. Myungha knew his death would hurt Yeowoon, but the final nail in the coffin for him was learning that his life was hurting Yeowoon too. And he almost got there, he almost did it, he admitted that he didn’t know how to, but he withdrew at the last second. He has spent all this time, all this energy, all this focus in to changing Yeowoon, he does not have the space to do that for himself. 

The Choice 

gif by @supanuts

The last moment I will really speak to as it relates to my interpretation of this game being controlled by Myungha as a manifestation of his depression is the author’s pen. Considering the fact The Author asked Myungha if he wanted to try again, I do not think if the Author was controlling this game world that he would have had Myungha disappear from it. Because according to the Gaga subs, the change that Myungha writes is that he wants Yeowoon to be happy, and immediately upon finishing that request, Myungha starts to fade. 

If we hold these game mechanics as manifestations of Myungha’s depression, which I do, it makes complete and total sense to me that Myungha would fall back in to the pattern of believing that Yeowoon would be happier if Myungha wasn’t there. Yeowoon has a modeling deal now, he has some modicum of fame, he has friends now, he has supports in place that he did not have before, so what need does Yeowoon have of him, when his inability to let people love him is what is now causing Yeowoon to feel sad. 

And I think that massive server error at the end where the world is burning and the universe is melting in to the game is a result of Myungha realizing too little, too late that this isn’t what he wanted. But it can’t be undone. The line he says when he is sinking in to the water about how at the last minute before he died, he regretted it. The game, the drowning here are one in the same to me. 

And for me there was just something so beautiful and hopeful from Myungha telling The Author that he wants to try again. We started the show with Myungha telling The Author miserable people can be happy, and we end the show with Myungha and Yeowoon finally getting the happy ending they never thought they would have. 

gif by @junghaesin

God I loved this show.

[whoishotteranimepolls]

My observations after running this blog for a month

I have observed trends relating to multiple fandoms and how they behave/interact with my polls here's some examples. I hope someone finds this entertaining as I did. Because I do read most of the comments and tags

Black Butler, Jujutsu Kaisen and Dorohedoro. You guys are the most insane, feral, unhinged and I have debated marking my post as mature content simply because I knew what you will put in your tags and comment. I worry about you people sometimes Because I do read what you put in those comments and tags and now I know what you will allow these characters to do to you and what you want to do to them. (This also applies certain specific characters from other fandoms) But you three. My little unhinged trio. It's just fandom wide. Doesn't matter the character. You will go crazy. It's entertaining to watch. Don't get me wrong but I hope everyone is doing okay

One piece You guys request a lot and show up. You guys also like meme and cursed polls. Yes they are funny most of the time and you guys have plenty of characters to choose from for the meme and cursed variety. But your fandom also has a list of characters that fall under the should I mark this as mature content because of what is inevitably going to end up in the tags and comments. Because I have seen your characters referred to as "daddy" or "mommy" Way more than JJK or the other two members of the unhinged trio and those fandoms are way more crazy collectively.

Trigun is the most loyal ride or die fandom that will show up for any poll with one of their characters no matter what. With a level of enthusiasm that is impressive but lacks the pure crazy of the unhinged trio

Mob Psycho 100 I've only had one character submitted from your show but you guys show up almost as much as Trigun but I don't know if that loyalty translates to other characters

Jojo you guys either show up and vote and reblog quietly or are just as bad as the unhinged trio 50/50 chance also depends on the character so I never know what to expect.

Now Attack on Titan. Is that fandom alive? Because I have gotten a few requests to do their characters but they have never shown up to defend their character. Which is funny because they're still in the top 20 anime and Manga fandom charts. But as far as I can tell the fandom does not exist or they're invisible so are you guys doing okay? I know the final season was supposed to be traumatic or something but I mean so was JJK season 2 and it just turned that fandom into an unhinged mess so you all should be fine or at least have a pulse. Do you guys need to speak to the Hannibal fandom for support? I mean they're still alive all these years later even after their tragic ending.

Hunter x Hunter You're a fandom that shows up consistently. Vote and reblog but you don't make a scene. That's all I can really say. It's very similar to how the Trigun fandom behaves but not quite the same enthusiasm as Trigun that is ride or die no matter the character

Fate is another fandom where you either show up or you don't. There is no in between. I wonder if it depends on the character. But I don't know. There just hasn't been enough polls

Soul Eater. You guys are unhinged only when it comes to Stein any other character I don't know but Stein 100% ride or die.

Dungeon Meshi very similar to JoJo except if it's Senshi or Falin guaranteed you guys will be just as bad if not worse than the unhinged trio any other character there's a chance you might not show up at all

Now to all the people who find the Senshi polls annoying. I would like to apologize for the monster I mean meme I accidentally created. It was never my intention for this to get out of hand I hope you can forgive me one day. But apparently they're going to kill King Charles. I still don't get it I might be getting old

If I haven't mentioned your fandom, it's probably because your characters don't get submitted enough for me to notice a trend but I will be watching. This is just what I've observed so far I hope you enjoyed my observations. I found these trends interesting

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Can't Hold Me Down

Epilogue for Sweet Treats AU: by character | chronological | epilogues

Warnings: these drabbles will include dark elements such as noncon, control, intimidation, alcohol abuse and addiction, and other stuff that may not be specified. Take this as you chance to scroll by.

Please let me know what you think 💕

🍹🍹🍹

The last few days, or is it weeks, have been a blur. The seconds are as long as any hour, the pain pulsing through you, acid coursing through your veins. Your body's in revolt. The desert of sobriety is dry and scalding, sending you into cold sweats and fiery delirium.  

The room is hazy and unfamiliar. He took you somewhere. Away from that hoity toity hotel. Somewhere remote. You can tell by the incessant chirp of birds and the rustling of the trees itching in your ears. 

Your mouth is parched as you stare at the tall glass of water perched on the night table. Steve left it there. Whether it's meant to help or a reminder of your first meeting, you can't decide. You doubt the former. He's a fuckhead if you ever met one. 

You grumble and turn onto your back. Moving is more tolerable. That stone rattling around in your skull isn't as heavy and the air is temperate, if not a bit humid. You blow put between your lips as you contemplate the wooden slats of the ceiling. 

You hear voices. One you know. It makes you grimace and ball your fists. The other is softer. A woman. Fuck off. He brought another one? 

You can just make out his words. 

"No problem. Kinda my thing, helping out those in needs. Especially pretty girls." 

You cringe at the ridiculous quip. He really likes to play the saviour. Well, you're not going to fucking let him. You have to warn the poor soul on the other side of that wall. 

His footfalls come back down the hall. They slow outside the door and you raise your head to see his shadow fill the beneath. You scowl as he taps gently on the door. 

"Hey, doing okay in there?" He speaks through the wood. 

He doesn't await your answer. He's taunting you. He can probably here your heartbeat pick up in irritation. 

The stairs creak as a door closes further down the hall. Your eyes roll back and forth as you gauge your surroundings, pushing through the last of the cloudiness. You feel hollow like a shell. The thirst awakens with you as you sit up. 

You need a drink. Bad. Not just because you’re so far in the bottle you can’t find your way out, but because this place, because of that man. The alcohol was only ever a boost, you don’t need it to put up a fight. 

You turn your feet over the side of the head and nearly collapse. You can do this. You’re not as weak as he thinks you are. You shudder out a breath and steady yourself, staring down the carpet as you stand. 

You look around at the slatted walls, the knots in the hewn wood, and the thick posts around the door and windows. The structure is thick and sound. You shuffle over to the window and pull back the plaid curtain. Fir trees and thick oaks greet you across peat littered with pinecones and needles. You are far from the city. 

You can’t help but wonder about the previous woman attached to the Captain. Her disappearance is starting to feel more planned than tragic. Maybe both. You face the room again and rub your forehead. You need to get yourself together. 

Ugh. Fuck it. 

You cross the room again and drink the water, slow but steady. You hate that it feels good. You hate that it’s not gin or vodka or something sharp and burning. You finish it and plunk the empty glass down. Fuck the Captain, he won’t win this one. 

You march to the door. The world is too vivid for your liking. You reach for the wood and drag your fingers down the grooved rectangles imprinted in it. You trail down to the handle and try to turn. Of course, locked. That’s fine. 

The woman’s voice came from that way. You turn to face the wall and near it. You run your hands across the wood and trace a line between the slats. You put two fingertips flat and start to tap. Taptaptap, tap-tap-tap, taptaptap... You remember the simple morse SOS. 

You stop and wait, and do it again. You don’t stop. You don’t know if they’ll hear but you have to try. Not everyone can handle a motherfucker like Steve Rogers. She definitely doesn’t sound like the type. You probably can’t either but you can say the Cap is far from the worst monster you’ve known. 

Taptaptap, tap-tap-tap, taptaptap. 

[hhhhunty]

been thinking nonstop about the asl brothers and would love to hear you yap about them

Ouhhh the ASL bros.... apologies in advance for how Luffy-heavy this is.

They are very important to me... Luffy's my favorite character and so of course I am made weak by his brothers. They're so incredibly tragic that it pains me to think about them. Did you ever think about the fact that Sabo and Luffy are the two who know each other the least? Sabo and Ace had at least three years before Sabo disappeared, and Ace and Luffy had seven years together before Ace set out, but Luffy and Sabo only knew each other through Ace for less than a year, twelve years ago. They're probably weird without the context of Ace in between them.

This of course isn't to say their bond isn't strong or they don't love each other as much, but being near each other must cause such an ache for their third brother given they were never around each other without Ace there... kind of like when Sabo "died" and Luffy and Ace kept talking to him anyways before getting embarrassed and upset as soon as they remembered Sabo's not here anymore.

Urghh I also think the beginning of Luffy's relationship with Ace is the blueprint for Luffy trying to befriend anyone, and probably the proof to him (though he already knew it) that he could get anyone in his corner if he was just persistent. This is an attitude he keeps throughout all his adventures and everyone he meets, from his "I refuse your refusal!" to Sanji to his consistent pestering of Law...

Ace is just a whole mess of his own... he changed so drastically and even learned manners for Luffy in order to thank Shanks for saving him (something something changing for the better because of someone you love). This completely changed his interactions with others, I think. I love whenever there are nods in comics or fics to Ace being remembered by Luffy's crew as this polite guy, and when Sabo hears of this he's just hopelessly confused and probably a little sad, too, that he missed such a change in his brother and never had the chance to meet him like that.

Back to Luffy though because I'm insane... Ace is such a good meter for Luffy's growth... I recently saw someone commenting on the way that Luffy speaks of Ace throughout post timeskip, from feeling so guilty meeting Sabo at Dressrosa to smiling when Marco told him Ace would be proud of him in Wano... I think a lot of that came from seeing Sabo, and knowing he had another brother alive. I think to Luffy, Sabo is the authority on Ace to some extent. That Sabo was simply happy Luffy was alive and wasn't upset at him for failing Ace was big for Luffy and he kind of took that to heart - it helped him really believe it... maybe that in a way caused him to be able to talk freely about Ace by the time he reached Wano...

Ughh this is all so disjointed and jumbled and I may think of more later but this has been my yapping for now.

here is a doodle :)

[euryleli]

I don't think anyone from the byers-hopper family is going to die!

I would love to hear more about your theories regarding this subject if you really think there's an actual chance of characters like Will and El (or even Jonathan) dying in st5 - because from where I stand, I just... can't see it happening!

It doesn't make sense to me for a number of reasons!

First there's Will: a closeted gay teen from the 80s living his WORST life in smalltown, Indiana. Will, a boy who has been bullied his entire life not only by his peers but also by his own fucking father - all in the name of this inherent otherness he carries that's been associated with his queerness since episode 1 from s1!! The boy that's always described as kind, honest and sensitive - the little kid who changed the world of every single one of his loved ones with his absence. William Byers, the boy who went to hell, spent a week there and then came back all wrong, slowly losing his identity because he was fucking possessed by this otherworldly creature - who was burned out of him, mind you AND the after effects of his frolicking in the upside down for seven days straight and late possession by freaky monster #1 led to a connection that haunts him TO THIS DAY!

THEN (because it can't get better) we have stranger things season 3 and 4 where will byers gets beaten time and time again by forced conformity, internalized homophobia and, of course, the usual supernatural Horrors that we're all acquainted with (and that have a canonical narrative connection to all the issues previously mentioned but wtv)!

Ur telling me that this boy who hasn't known A SINGLE DAY OF PEACE in his LIFE (because Will had it bad before the upside down), who's the only confirmed gay character (as of now) AND the one who doesn't believe he can or even deserves love?? Is going to die??? This boy is not gonna have his happy ending? Will Byers, the starting point of this whole story is gonna be used as a pawn to... what? Further develop a straight relationship that actively hinders the arc of the female main character (El)? His death is gonna "complete" his arc and we'll deal with another case of the "Bury Your Gays" trope? Mike's character is gonna be buried alongside Will then because if his ending is one of conformity then all his actions throughout the series make no god-damned sense - basically he's just an asshole and an awful fucking friend? What the actual fuck??

So... Will dies, saves everyone but leaves Joyce and Jonathan completely heartbroken? Even when their love for Will is what kick-started the whole show? The show started with us rooting for them to find Will and they did!

But oh... wait... he died lol

It doesn't make sense, narratively speaking.

"What about El, then?" you ask!

Look, I'm slightly scared for her too but I genuinely think they're not gonna kill her off and the main reason is Hopper. What's the point of having Hopper grieve Sarah, his first daughter who tragically dies at a young age from cancer, just to make him start coping with her loss, bonding with El - actively viewing her as his family - to then take that family from him A SECOND TIME?? WHAT'S THE POINT OF THAT?

Aside from El's arc and her development as a young girl who was robbed of her childhood and sense of self for so long finally coming into her own person (not Hopper, not Mike, just El), killing her off is an efficient way to ruin not one but TWO of the most beloved characters in stranger things.

Having either Will, El or both of them dying in the finale would be a tragedy and yes, stranger things has it's moments where everything goes wrong and people die (and stay dead) but...

It's not supposed to be a tragedy.

That's not the kind of show we're watching.

Hell, you can say that they're going to kill the other family members then! But I don't see them killing Joyce or even Jonathan (although I can admit I'm not fully confident on that last one) because - again - it defeats the whole purpose of the show and Hopper came back from the dead already, the duffer brothers are not gonna kill him AGAIN (El grieving her father a second time is just as bad as Hopper grieving Sarah, then El)

The Byers are the heart of the show and sure... stranger things s3 and s4 kind of lost the plot on that front, but we're definitely getting back with willel and their final arcs in s5 (their family, now with Hopper and El, will be heavily featured in their development)

So, yeah...

Stranger Things is, fortunately, not a tragedy - and considering the love I have for all the characters (especially the Byers-Hopper) I can't say I'm upset about it.

[maverick-wingman]

Broken Skies (Bradley Bradshaw x Mitchell! Reader) Chapter 1

Note: I apologize for the long long wait. I was really lacking motivation and just on a long writer's block for the past few months. But here is Chapter 1 for Broken Skies. The Sneak Peak is linked below for those that have not read it yet. And also thank you @justabigassnerd and @callsign-dexter for motivating me to write more! ❤️

This is a redo of my Bradley Bradshaw Part 1. This is more of a prequel rather than a sneak peek this time. Mel - “one who is fearless and daring.” Canon characters are out of character. Iceman will be healthy in this fic. 

Warnings: Nothing big, maybe angst, other than a brief mention of death, and military inaccuracies. NOT grammar/spelling checked. Some switching between first names and callsigns.

Masterlist | Sneak Peek | Chapter 1

In the room with Cyclone and Warlock, Maverick looked at the screen and saw 2 very familiar faces. Cyclone looked at Maverick and asked, “Is there a problem, Captain?” Maverick looks at him, “You know there is sir.” Cyclone signed and zoomed in on your picture, “Lieutenant Mitchell, callsign Mel, one of the best pilots I have seen in years. She was top of her class. Two confirmed air-to-air kills. You must be very proud. Captain.” Maverick smiles, “I am, sir. I’m proud of her every day.”  

Maverick was indeed proud. Starting from the second you were born, he knew you would be a mini him the second he got called for a parent-teacher meeting for you not following directions and being a bit rebellious. There was also the first time he took you on your first little joyride, instead of being scared like  most people that are thousands of feet up in the air going hundreds of miles per hour, you were so excited. You had the time of your life. You especially loved when he did aerobatics. You kept on asking him to do another one, he often wondered how you never got dizzy or felt nauseous. As you grew older, you went on to be just like him.  If not, maybe even a little better. Now here you are, getting called back to Top Gun to be a possible candidate for a special detachment. This isn’t like the past missions you’ve been on. This is life or death. He knows there is a chance someone isn’t coming back. 

Cyclone then zoomed in on another person. Rooster. “Bradley Bradshaw aka Rooster. I understand you flew with his old man. What was his call-sign again?” “Goose, sir” “Tragic what happened.” Warlock cuts in defending Maverick. All Maverick could do was nod. Memories of what happened replaying in his mind.

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“Dad?” You saw your dad sitting by the bar alone. You thought he’s in the desert working on the Death Star. Why is he here?  He turned around and you smiled excitedly going over and hugging him as tight as possible. You felt him hug back just as tight. “Hey sweetheart.” You always loved the daddy-daughter hugs. It made you feel safe and relaxed. You haven’t seen him in person in almost a year. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you’re supposed to be somewhere in the desert.” You saw the look he gave and you couldn’t help but grin. “You pissed off another admiral, didn’t you?” He chuckled at your response. “You could say that.” You sat next to him. “So… what are you doing here at North Island? Did Uncle Ice tell you I was here?”  You asked him. 

“Well uh…. in a manner of speaking.” You noticed the look your dad had. There was worry in his eyes. You hadn’t seen that look in a long time. “You’re here for the detachment… aren’t you? That’s why you’re here.” He gave you a look. You knew the answer. “How bad is it going to be?” You looked to your dad. “I can’t say too much yet, but … this is something no one’s ever seen.” All you could do was nod. Before you can react you felt him rub your shoulders. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. You’re the best fighter pilot I know.” You let out a little chuckle, “don’t let Uncle Ice hear you say that.” You heard him let out some chuckles.

You talked with your dad for a little longer to catch up on everything. He told you that the Kazansky’s invited you both over for dinner tomorrow night. You were excited, as you have seen your Uncle Ice and Aunt Sarah in a while. You heard your name being called, looking over you saw Jake and Javy calling you over. You heard your dad’s voice, “go on, go catch up with them.” You looked over to him. “Are you sure?” “I’m sure. We have plenty of time to catch up more.” You smiled and hugged him one last time before going over. 

“What’s Pops doing here?” Jake asked after pulling you into a hug. You didn’t want to ruin the surprise. “He’s here visiting old friends.” You responded as Javy pulled you in for a side hug. 

As you talked, you caught up with Phoenix, you met some new members: Bob, who was so sweet, Payback and Fanboy who both were really nice, although you felt a little competitiveness between them and Jake and Javy. Jake would not stop teasing Bob, you had to nudge him a few times hoping he’d stop messing with the guy. 

Maverick watched as his little girl bonded with her teammates. Despite Jake's reputation he trusted him that he wouldn’t leave his daughter behind, but he is unsure if he would do the same for the rest of the team.

You looked over and saw a familiar face entering the Hard Deck. Bradley Bradshaw.

Bradley walked over to the group. “Bradshaw.” “Hangman… you look good” “Well, I am good Rooster, I’m very good. In fact, I’m too good to be true.” Hangman responds, smirking. Bradley then looked over to you. “Mel.” “Rooster.” “Why am I not surprised you’re here?” You rolled your eyes, scoffing at his remark. You knew what he was thinking, he still believed the reason  you made it this far is because of your dad and uncle. “Well who else did you expect?”  

Before Bradley could say another word, Jake cuts in, “you’re just jealous Bradshaw, admit it, you will never fly like Mel here. She takes risks unlike a certain someone. She’ll make a great mission leader, but anyone that follows you will just run out of fuel. Waiting for the right moment that never comes.” You felt Jake’s arm snake around your shoulders. 

Jake is your best friend, you could say. Sure, during training he would leave his wingman and fly off, but during the missions he was never like that. At least not to you. He saved your  life; that’s how he got his first confirmed air to air kill. If it wasn’t for him, you would not be standing here right now.

Bradley suddenly felt a ping of jealousy growing inside him. Since when were you and Hangman so close? But Bradley being Bradlet, he chose to ignore it. “And anyone that follows you will just end up in a grave.” That ticked you off a little. You wished Jake would let you tell everyone what really happened that day. You don’t get why Jake wants to keep it a secret, he loves to show off. Only a few people know the exact details. 

“They’re on me! I can’t shake them!” you said with a panicking voice. With an enemy aircraft chasing after you at full speed. Trying different maneuvers, you dodged as many bullets that you could. That’s when you heard a beeping sound; the enemy got a lock on you. Just as  you started accepting your fate, there was an explosion sound. You looked over and saw the enemy fighter jet blowing up into pieces. “You owe me a drink, Mel.” Y/N looked over and saw Hangman giving her a grin. He just saved your life, for once not living up to his callsign.

After that, it was Hangman and Mel. Jake and Y/N. You became best friends and each other’s wingperson.

Other than Rear Admiral Jackson, Javy, Maverick and Iceman, no one knew it was Jake that saved you. Jake wanted to keep it a secret. With the help from Iceman, no one knew what really happened. Because the mission only needed 2 pilots, it made it easier to hide the truth.

Maverick was watching the whole scene play out in front of him, feeling the guilt bubble inside him knowing he was the reason his daughter and Bradley are no longer friends. He remembers how close they were as kids, how they never left each other’s side. He hopes this mission will bring them together again.

The night went on, he ended up being broke after not realizing the rules at Penny’s bar. Jake and the others had the joy of “throwing” him out of the bar. You knew it was all fun and games. You knew your dad took a liking to him after he saved your life that day. Even you let out a little laugh watching it all play out. 

You heard a familiar tune starting to play in the background, you looked over to the piano and saw Bradley sitting there. The tune that your uncle Goose, Bradley’s dad always plays. You remembered how you and Bradley would sit on the piano with your dad, Uncle Goose and Aunt Carole gathered around singing “Great Balls of Fire” together. Your eyes wandered around and noticed your dad outside staring towards where Bradley is. You knew he misses them too. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

You sat next to Jake and Javy waiting for the debrief to start. You had this feeling that something was going to happen today and it was not the good kind of feeling. You know Bradley will not be happy knowing who the instructor for the detachment is going to be. You also know he will be mad that you didn’t warn him. But he has no right to feel that way. After all, you two were basically on no speaking terms. Cyclone’s voice disrupted your thoughts. “Good morning aviators.” 

At morning debriefing, Cyclone and Warlock went over the details of this mission. Just from hearing the details about what is going to happen, you knew this was going to be a detachment like no other. As he introduced who the instructor was going to be, you knew exactly who they were talking about, even though you already found out last night. You only know one person that fits the description so perfectly. 

You couldn’t help but look over to Bradley, wondering how he is going to react when he sees your dad. You can see him tense up as he sees your dad walk in. This is going to be a very long day. Bradley made eye contact with you and he was not happy, just as you had predicted minutes ago.  After the debrief, you and everyone else waited to be selected to go up in the air. First ones up were you, Phoenix, Bob, and Rooster. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

As you walked towards your fighter jet when you heard your name being called. “Why didn’t you tell me he was going to be the instructor?” You knew he was going to ask this. “How am I supposed to tell you if all we ever do is argue when we talk?” “Yea, well you’re the one that always starts it” “Are you serious Bradley? Look at us. Besides, would it really make a difference if I did?” “Yea, it actually would have.” 

As the training session went on, no one has been able to get a lock on Maverick. not even you. You were close but he is always steps ahead. And thanks to the little bet, everyone was punished with 200 pushups.

Now it is time for Phoenix, Bob, Hangman, and Roosters turn. You listened to the radio as Jake asked Bradley some personal questions. There was one secret you never told Jake, it was the exact details about you, your dad, and Bradley. All he knows is you and Bradley had an argument, he left and that was that. 

You heard your dad’s voice. Encouraging Bradley to take a little risk instead of playing it safe. Jake’s voice came in warning them about getting below the hard deck level amd telling Rooster to take the shot. Soon through the radio, you head the alerts going off telling them to pull up. You are holding your breath at this point. No matter how upset you were at Bradley, you didn’t want to lose him and your dad.  A few seconds later, you heard your dad’s voice. He got a lock on Bradley. What on earth were they thinking?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

You stormed up to Bradley angry. “What was that Bradshaw?! Are you trying to get kicked out?” “Oh like you care, you probably would love to see me off this mission.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. It’s like he never changed. “I worked hard to get here and you know it!” “Well not everyone is lucky enough to have their dad and the Commander of the Pacific Fleet as their teacher!” He snapped back. You froze, not believing the words that just came out of his mouth. Not wanting to continue this anymore, you shook your head and walked away in silence. You knew if you stayed longer, you would end up saying something you’d regret, and possibly escalating the argument.

“Why are you such close friends with Hangman? You know what type of person he is!” You stopped in your tracks. Why did he change the conversation to this? Was he jealous? You turned around facing him once again, letting out your anger. “You’re right, I know what type of person he is. You don’t! You let your judgments get clouded too easily, you’ll just assume the worst in people!” You saw the look Bradley had on his face, hearing him let out a scoff, “all he ever did was leave his wingman behind! Everyone knows that! Why won’t you believe me?!” 

You don’t know what came over yourself. You’ve kept it in for years. Coming up with reasons why Bradley cut off contact with you, why he barely said anything to you during your time at Top Gun, why he treated you like you were nothing. He didn’t even believe you told him that you had nothing to do with his application being pulled. And now all of a sudden he cares about who you’re friends with. You knew what Hangman was like to others. That’s just a character he built up; he doesn’t want to seem weak or soft, easy to push around. Sure he messes around during training, but when it comes to the real thing, he takes things seriously. 

“You want to know why? Fine. He never left me hanging! He didn’t cut off contact with me for something I didn’t do!  He trusted me! He never assumed I got in just because of my last name! He didn’t hurt me the way you did!”

You were mad at your dad too, especially at first. But after a lot of begging, he finally told you why he pulled Bradley’s application; you understood, it was an extremely difficult decision. Adding on to it, it was his best friend’s dying wish.

You quickly walked away going to the locker rooms. You heard Bradley call out your name, but you chose to ignore it. Today did not turn out the way you had expected. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since the first time you saw Bradley in years and he is still the same.

Taglist: @alluringshawn @anurst @urmomssidehoesposts @sarahjoestewy-blog @adoringsebstan @70spadfoot @khaylin27

@littlebadariell @ems-alexandra

[raconteur-wanpi]

ONE PIECE 1124

I'm probably gonna start writing these thoughts / reactions with each new chapter at this point. At least as long as I have something to say!

Sentomaru is alive waaaahhhh!!! Mr. Golden Boy! I'm so glad! He skyrocketed his way up my favorite character list in this arc, but then again I'm weak towards any characters based on folklore / fairy tales and mythical heroes to begin with. It's nice to see him escape Egghead, but it's devastating to see him mourning like this. He lost so much, he really is a tragic character. Seeing him cry is genuinely a bullet through my heart. He lost his adoptive father, he lost the island he has spent much of his life on, he failed to protect the civilians who he risked his life to save, he's now a fugitive running from the government, and the man he considered an uncle and mentor figure was the one to pull the trigger. Poor guy, his experience with the Buster Call and loss of mentors almost makes him feel like a parallel to Robin. I hope he gets to heal, there are some revealed surprise good news he might want to hear eventually.

And speaking of tragedy within this little family unit, here it is. Borsalino's regret. This really reminded me of Garp and Ace, but unlike Garp being just passive and complacent in Ace's death, here Borsalino was the man who actually did it. You can see the sorrow and devastation but also the complacency. He was always going to do it, no matter how he feels about it. What in interesting character, I want to dissect his brain. His lack of a sense of actual justice and code was something introduced as a joke, but here we see what that actually looks like. A man passive enough to follow any order, even if it's something he isn't going to be able to bear.

And of course, the aftermath of such a conflict. This is the first time we've ever seen him sad and / or furious. He's sobbing and screaming to Sakazuki, someone who he's always tried to appease in the past. I wonder where will this lead him as a character. I adooore seeing the Marines betrayed, broken and fed up by their own system one by one. Maybe they will eventually realize they're on the wrong side of history. Or maybe Borsalino over here will stay complacent and passive as he always has been, who knows. Either way, I love the way Oda has approached all this interpersonal tragedy within all the grander politics of it.

Yep, there is it! The big twist! ...That most people myself included completely expected. Punk Records is still intact! The Gorosei need Vegapunks mind, so they explicitly tried to protect that part of Egghead. And that means, of course, all the Vegapunks' consciousness is still up there in the Cloud. There's a chance any of them could talk through Lilith, Stella included. Hell, she could probably build new android bodies for them if she gets the resources. Or at least, that's what I'm assuming she means by "everyone's alive", since she doesn't elaborate further.

Aaaand Robin getting excited to meet Saul again. 🥹 God I hope it goes well, I'll be devastated if it doesn't. PLEASE let this reunion happen properly.

And to close things off, somebody is waiting for them on Elbaf. People have pointed out the silhouette looks similar to the mysterious kasa-hat-wearing man we see chatting it up with Crocus in one of the cover stories. The most common guess I've seen is that it's Scopper Gaban, the man from Roger's crew, and potentially that he is the "man marked by flames". Others have suggested things like Shiki or even a 90-year-old Yorki who survived. I don't know if I personally have any predictions, but Gaban feels like a good guess. It could potentially also just be a character we haven't met yet. Really looking forward to the future!

[punkinspice]

Ok I feel like we don't often address the real tragedy of the ARK enough. This was a decades long government funded project where families lived. Where scientists were told that this was a safe place to come and figure out how to better humanity. Shadow himself was ultimately created to be a cure for disease and possibly immortality. To help bring hope to Earth!

There's also a high chance that GUN had secretly assigned certain scientists, Gerald included, to make the Ultimate Lifeform or rather the Ultimate Weapon because yeah sure, fear of the Black Arms for when they invade, but also probably more to control humanity if needed.

The invasion of the ARK is horrible in that everyone on that spaceship was executed, minus the small handful of survivors, but honestly to me, watching Maria die in front of him isn't the most tragic part about Shadow's experience. Who knows how long it was before he was captured by GUN after Maria sent him down to Earth. Maybe a few hours? maybe a day or two tops?

Shadow was captured by those who wanted him made, experimented on him against his will, Gerald snapped and messed with his brain and altered his memories to the point of becoming that Ultimate Weapon and exacting someone else's revenge on humanity. and then GUN called it all off, executed Gerald, and now without having a way to dispose of Shadow, locked him away in cryo-sleep for 50 years. (but they also kept him as a fail safe to be the Ultimate Weapon when needed)

When Shadow is awakened by Eggman, these things are still very fresh on his mind. To him this has all happened to him like it was yesterday. He didn't have the time or space to process all that had actually happened to him and it more than explains the actions he was doing the whole of SA2. And considering everything that he was going through, the fact that he was able to forgive at the end and undo and overcome the wrong he began to instigate in the first place? It really speaks to the true character of Shadow.

And honestly I could go on on how the rest of the series and Shadow's character arcs have been on his grieving process and that yeah, you do have a lot of set backs and there's probably still so much of that old programming and memories that Gerald messed with that I think he's still trying to sort out how much of it was true or not.

There's just.... so much there...

[mikuni14]

4 Minutes - Ep 1-2

I haven't had much free time to keep up with all the series lately, I was planning to catch up and influenced by @my-rose-tinted-glasses enthusiasm I decided to watch 4 Minutes first 😘

So, ok. I love it.

First of all, I'm writing this before diving into the 4 Minutes tag, so I have no idea about the most popular theories. I have a few of my own working theories, but I don't feel like writing about them right now hehe. I will write what I like tho!

very good execution, but it's BOC, so no surprises here

aesthetics, actors, everything is 💯💯

I really like the mystery, suspense, crime, ambiguity, confusion, slow discovery of new plots, a certain kind of darkness that already created the delicious vibe in DFF ✨ I also like the pleasure and satisfaction I feel as a viewer, when I see something that I suspect might happen, it happens and the series doesn't force the opposite, doing stupid, illogical or ooc things, just to shock and surprise me (looking at you GoT). For example, I knew that Title wasn't found dead in this field, and when it turned out that he was alive, it didn't take away my pleasure from guessing it in any way. I love it when a show lets viewers guess what's going to happen and respects their intelligence

no matter what universe, Jet plays a complete dick who is in conflict with Mio's character ✨

Mio, Mio, Mio, Mio!! 💖💖💖💖 I gasped when I saw him, I'm literally conditioned to love this guy. He's ruthless and uncompromising again, gosh, my heart 💖💖💖(fair warning: I'm going to be insufferable about him, so be prepared 🤡)

the sex scenes are as bold and high-quality as ever

traditionally for BOC we have a juxtaposition of rich and poor, corruption, tragic choices caused by poverty, exploitation, overworking, fulfilling the expectations of ruthless parents, wealth as well as poverty being the source of crime

Bible plays a poor rich boy, which I really like. I also like his pairing, which wasn't at all predictable and obvious, because I'm probably the only person in the world who can't stand his pairing in KP (please don't hate me)

luckily Bible is a Cat Person and it shows, because he uses a Special Voice to talk to the kitty. The cat is relaxed, which is an exception in BL series 😑 (isn't that his cat? they seemed close 🥺)

of course I must comment on the BL in the BL series. So… yes! It's good! Bible as Great is wonderful but then again I didn't expect anything else from him. Tbh I was worried about what his partner would be like, whom I didn't know. Jes turned out to be sensational, first of all you can see his experience, he's 32 years old (!), as Tyme he's an absolutely captivating mix of an intimidating professional at work and adorable baka when he's just some dude liking a guy 😄 I really liked how the series is serious for the whole 1st episode, most of the 2nd and then suddenly there's a scene of Tyme smoothing out his feathers in a peacock mode, emphasizing his figure and shapely butt to look nice for his crush, it was so funny and cute. Also when he awkwardly tried to flirt with Great, the faces he made when he realized how clumsy he was lmao. I love the kind of men in BL shows who are strong and masculine but who turn into fluffy, awkward teddy bears 🐻 in the presence of their loved ones. When I saw Tyme in ep1 I thought he was going to be a stereotypical seme and I'm so glad the show lets him be a normal person.

It's interesting that Great gets a second chance every time he does something wrong 🤔 And I wonder why he sees a future with Tyme? This kind of future? Hm.

Overall I love 4 Minutes, I'm officially hooked. It's very interesting, intriguing and spicy, there are a lot of plots that are starting to overlap and connect, the series has actors that I like (some I even like a lot! just seeing Mio and hearing Bible speak English accounts for like 74% of my enjoyment lol), it's not afraid of controversial topics, the series doesn't treat viewers like children, the execution is at a very high level, Jes and JJay show infatuation at first sight in a very convincing way, the romances started very interestingly and I've watched the Tyme/Great scenes a few times already.

That means 3 series to obsess over in a week! Lucky me! ✌

(I might edit this post by adding some gifs later)

[altocat]

Random thought here but do you think they’re going to do anything with Lucretia in part 3? I know the creators mentioned there being a lot of loose ends they couldn’t tie up in OG because of technical and time limitations and to me Lucretia’s felt like one of the biggest ones. I mean supposedly she was frozen in ice not too far from where Sephiroth’s physical body was and he should know who she is- since he took in the knowledge from the Lifestream- but he never sought her out? I know he’s not supposed to have human attachments or whatever but come on… it seems like his raging mommy issues followed him into the after life as well. Wait as I’m typing this out another question pops to mind: wouldn’t Sephiroth also have figured out that he’s not actually part Cetra? Wouldn’t the knowledge from the Lifestream also include knowledge of his own parentage?

Just to clarify, while Sephiroth has canonically become aware of what he and Jenova really are as well as the fact that he's not a Cetra, there is no evidence to suggest he ever found out the truth about Lucrecia's existence. Some argue that he had to have. But he never ever mentions it. Ever. Even when Vincent speaks of Lucrecia in Opera Omnia, Sephiroth just brushes him off. His locket certainly made him aware of her face, but I think it was deliberate since recent entries have designed Jenova to look similar to Lucrecia. Sephiroth has never found out about Lucrecia, nor has he said or done anything to suggest he is aware of his birth mother's presence.

They could retcon this, of course. After all, Rebirth!Sephiroth shows up in all sorts of places he wasn't originally before. It's possible he follows the group to the crystal cave as well. Personally, I'd rather that they never meet, or that Sephiroth never finds out. It's infinitely more tragic that way. And him rejecting Lucrecia for Jenova, while completely in character, sort of leaves a bad taste in my mouth, though I'm not entirely sure why. It would feel anticlimactic I guess. I think it's just sad to have them separate from each other. Or at least not have them reunite until Sephiroth reaches his final endgame death. Idk that's just personal preferences.

As for Lucrecia, idk if there's much she can actually do in the plot beyond the purpose she served before in the OG. It's not like she can really escape her prison. The trilogy will supposedly link up to Advent Children, which leads me to believe it will do the same for Dirge, in which Lucrecia is still in her crystal. I really think it's going to be the same as before, with some added lore possibly thrown in, especially in the incredibly lucky chance they retcon Sephiroth's paternity.

This is all spitballing. It could go many ways. This is just where I currently stand. The separation of Sephiroth and Lucrecia is one of the more underrated tragedies of the Compilation. One could loosely argue that it was the literal centerpiece that staged the entire plot of the story. I want to see it done justice if they actually cover it, or at least not make it too predictably lame with Sephiroth being your typical scornful villain. It would be a huge moment. And I think that deserves something better than Sephiroth evilly monologuing like usual while rejecting his mom.

Lucrecia is flawed AF and is 100% responsible for what she did to her son. But it's like kicking a sick dog. I get no pleasure watching her continuing to suffer without a proper conclusion. I want to believe they'll do more with her, or at least make what was already there more tragic than before.

[youkaiyume]

So, Rise of the Beasts!!

I saw it twice of the weekend, and I want to put down my honest thoughts.

Overall, I had a great time and I definitely think it's worth watching. Ignore the critic reviews for some reason they are offended that a Transformers movie exists to sell toys. You know, their sole purpose since the very beginning of inception. But OF COURSE I have THOUGHTS so...

Spoilers under the cut!

I liked the human characters for the most part. Noah's sudden onboard motives for going with the autobots to Peru was not as convincing but adventure needs to happen so I gave it a pass.

Mirage is like, DTF with Noah. Like he is SO ready for that tiny bf bff. It's obvious that Bee spoke so much about Charlie (cuz it seemed he was the only one who did talk positively about humans in their group) that Mirage was just. HIS BODY WAS READY.

CHARLIE WAS MENTIONED!!! AHHHHH!!! That was the one tiny smidgeon of a crumb that I wanted and they gave it to me. Granted it was implied when Optimus says "I know one was good to you, Bee" But I was told that the Latin America dub had him say Charlie's actual name. There was a SCENE that was cut out according to the Hollywood Reporter--that Bumblebee had also pulled out a polaroid pic that Charlie took of them together from the first movie here to show OP. HE'S BEEN CARRYING AROUND HER PICTURE ALL THESE YEARS I DIE WHY DID YOU CUT THIS OUT!!!

Mirage's abilities seem very arbitrary. And I do not like this. He can turn into several alt modes which seems to be only a thing that he can do... he can mass shift--which I know mass shifting is a thing but when he turns into a truck to sneak past the museum security I was like??? I was always under the impression that the bots could turn into a vehicle relative to their own actual size so this just confuses me. There is supposedly an earlier cut of the film where it was more clear that the trailer was another illusion. which I wish they kept in. Also when he becomes Noah's symbiote suit at the end?? Like, as a shipper and rule of cool I am into it, but as a person who wants rules to ground my science fiction I don't like how Mirage is just a swiss army knife for the writer's convenience. It feels lazy instead of taking the time to actually worldbuild. Nobody else can do these things.

The arbitrary mass shifting of him being as big or as small as he wants (like when he becomes Noah's exosuit) really falls apart when they keep insisting that they need the humans because only they can fit into small spaces. Well, clearly not cuz you can just do it yourself. AGAIN, PLEASE BE CONSISTENT WITH YOUR RULES.

Airazor x Elena. Anyone else????

speaking of which, I am very upset about what happens to Airazor. And we never even got to see her transform. tragic.

Optimus sure was a negative nancy which--I understand why but I hope they ease up on edgy "i will rip everyone's faces off" Optimus because it feels disingenuous to his character to keep it going for too long. Like I get it, they killed your fave child so I will forgive you but also I want more of "Be strong enough to be gentle" Optimus. Not the edgelord Bayverse Optimus that they are clearly going for cuz the know certain :ahem: fans like that.

Beeeee. They put him out of commission which again, according to interviews they did just so they could make sure he doesn't steal the spotlight and give a chance for the other characters to shine lmao. He is too powerful. But also because we shots of him in the trailers, I was not too worried about Bee staying out of commission. But goddamn when if I still wasn't hyped as hell when he made his comeback. 10/10 he proves he's still the GOAT.

I hate Pablo/Wheeljack. No, after seeing the movie my opinion of him did not improve in fact it got so much worse. His design was the LEAST of his problems. Every moment he was on screen was deeply cringe. And he barely did anything!! He could have not been in the movie at all and it wouldn't have made a difference and I genuinely believe it would have been a better film. All this hullaballoo over Pablo and this is what we got. Wheeljack fans lost hard after all that defense I'm sorry this ain't it.

Hey speaking of bots that barely got any lines or screentime, wtf was up with Rhinox and Cheetor? My boys got shafted :(

There was a moment where OP is asking the bots if they detected the terrorcons and Arcee WHO IS SITTING in the pablo van was like "lol nope" and I was like GURL how could you, you're in a van. And it made no sense because don't you also have an altmode??? Shouldn't you be scouting outside to cover more ground???

I firmly believe the only had Arcee sitting in there like a dumb duck because they wanted Wheeljack to make a dumb joke in the original cut about how it was a long time since she was inside him. UGHUGHUGH.

Did I mention how glad I am that they cut the majority of Wheeljack's screentime since it was so awful especially his and Arcee's implied romance? Especially since they killed off the other femmes so the only one we got now has to have a mandatory romance. No thanks. Glad that nonsense is gone.

The Maximals' robot modes were very minimal. and they went by so fast I never got a good look at their designs.

I loved how the Maximals were harmoniously living with the native tribe--and speaking their language!

Scourge's face reveal seemed to be treated like it was a big deal but when we saw him it was just... guy without his wig on. Literally the surprise is that he is bald.

Noah x Mirage is very strong good. I have no doubt the fandom will be all over it since they seem to eat up BL romance much more readily and I am all for it. They also have all the great ingredients for it--flirting, drift compatibility, self sacrifice for the other. Another human x transformer ship for the books.

I'm sure there are some ppl who like the ending. but I.... did not. I do not want to see G.I.Joes in my transformers I'm sorry. I don't want the return of military propaganda or more introductions to several human characters that take away from the transformers. I don't want to see them exploited or used for our own human affairs--even if it's a fictional cult-- when they could be literally fighting Decepticons or Unicron or whatever. People might have wanted them in Bayverse cuz it was heavily skewed Military in those films but I don't want to see it again. It was a terrible, dark time. the Joes might be presented as good guys but I don't trust the military in general and I don't see their motives as altruistic--especially if their goal is to use them for their own purposes. Why would they help them get home? They wouldn't, if just to keep their best weapons--and Noah is bait. He is bait and he will fall for it hook line and sinker because they are bribing him with his brother's healthcare and the fact that he is struggling to find work elsewhere.I hope if they are to be involved at all it will be relegated to characters here and there but they stay in their own movies if they have to ride on Transformers coattails to revive an irrelevant struggling franchise.

There was minimal human injuries/death and I appreciate that. They did the DBZ thing where they took their fight to remote locations. This probably won't keep up if they introduce the Joes :/

Overall, 8/10. I had a fun time. I didn't love it as much as Bumblebee but it was definitely miles better than Bayverse (a low bar I know). The action was clear, the characters likable, the CGI mostly stellar. I have hope that they will bring back Charlie maybe. But hey, I took my parents to it the second time around and my Mom liked Mirage and my Dad did not fall asleep so I will consider that a stamp of approval.

[unearthlytraveller]

Babylon 5 Rewatch: Chrysalis

30 years ago, fans of B5 had to wait three months for the first season finale. I'm not willing to do that.

I'm going to break here, because if there is any episode from season 1 that should not be spoiled, it's this one. And I'm going to spoil it below.

I remembered this as the best episode of the season. And, it is. It's not even close. Everything the season has been putting into place comes together, and the world falls apart. That moment when Garibaldi manages to give that warning from sickbay, and the crew rush to warn about the assassination attempt... only to find they are too late. It still gives me chills all these years and rewatches later.

I was unsure how I was going to feel about this episode. Part of the reason for that is because I last watched this in 2010 or 2011. Back then, the idea of a return to fascism seemed laughable. Today... it does not. And I can't deny that real-world context changes things. It's hard to enjoy the sci-fi drama when it doesn't feel all that speculative. But there's a line Sinclair says that struck me.

"Just that I've had this feeling lately that we're standing at a crossroads, and I don't like where we're going. But there's still time to choose another path. You can be part of that process"

The first sentence I remembered from before. The second two... I did not. And as small as it seems, it actually made me feel more hopeful to hear it.

Another thing that struck me on this watch was Londo. Signs and Portents was his first step down the path to darkness; this is his second. And yet, he is genuinely shocked by the consequences of his actions; and we end with him keeping vigil with Ivanova. It won't last, of course, but it's a reminder that he's not an intrinsically or purely evil character; there is much good in him. That's why we like him, and why he is tragic despite all he will do.

G'Kar gets to really show the range of his character. He starts in strutting villain mode, and the scene were his latest sexual partners leave his quarters is one of the funnier moments of a generally dark episode. But as the episode progresses, we see his other side. He seems far less keen in his government's aggression when talking in his chambers; he immediately understands the implications of the attack on Quadrant 37; and in the shuttle scene, it is Na'Toth who speaks of retaliation while G'Kar offers Ivanova condolences and is more reflective.

Garibaldi has come under criticism in recent episodes for his actions, and justifiably so. So it's interesting that we start this episode with Petrov, who Garibaldi was apparently willing to help get a second chance. We also get to see both his investigative chops, figuring out the assassination plot... but also his blind spots. Or as Walker Smith said back in TKO,

"One of these days, Garibaldi, you're going to learn to watch your back."

Delenn starts a change that is in both the biggest and smallest of the ambassadors. I, of course, know what will come out of the titular chrysalis. And yet while the physical changes will be dramatic, Delenn as a person arguably changes the least among the main cast. A little something I've always found amusingly ironic.

Sinclair has a pretty rough time of it. He makes a pretty awful proposal, fails to save the president, fails to meet with Delenn and get the answers he wants... He gets the last line of the season, though, and it's a great one.

"Nothing's the same any more."

This is the season finale, and so we say goodbye to a lot of things. The last time that Mira Furlan will wear that specific make up as Delenn, for one. But we also say goodbye to Caitlin Brown's Na'Toth, Michael O'Hare's Sinclair, and Julia Nickson's Catherine Sakai. Some of these actors will make guest appearances, but even now I feel somewhat sad about these departures.

Caitlin Brown's decision not to return is understandable based on what I've read; that she only came on as a favour when the actress who played Ko'Dath developed an allergic reaction to the makeup, and would never normally be stuck in such a low-profile role. Still, I enjoy season one where her and Andreas Katsulas give such great presence to the Narn. I don't think they ever fully replaced her.

Michael O'Hare's departure is bigger, since he was the star of the show. And, of course, there was that scene in Babylon Squared. It's amazing that JMS made such a big deal about how B5 was planned in advance, and yet was able to handle this and still make a show with such compelling foreshadowing. Sure, there are places were things don't quite line up that the obsessive fan can see, but they're easy to overlook. As for O'Hare himself, I hope he acheived some respite from the mental illness that forced his departure before his tragic early death.

Least important to the show was the character of Cathering Sakai; Nickson only had three appearances this season, the last of which before Chrysalis was 16 episodes ago. I mostly just want to mention that, if you want to know her character's fate, read To Dream in the City of Sorrows. It's a good book; not great, not really able to stand by itself aside from the show, but certainly better than most of the tie-in novels.

With season 1 over, will I continue to season 2? Not immediately. The real-world connections will only get stronger, and I'm not ready for that right now. Later? Maybe; we'll see.

Finally, I've been adding my CCG cards, and let's do that one more time. What choice could there be, but this one:

[em-harlsnow]

I wanna talk for a second about Fiona and JimmySteve, and I want to compare them to Gallavich

They have a lot of similarities:

Fiona loved him more than she'll ever love anyone, and I think Jimmy's the same. Just like Ian and Mickey.

Obviously, the whole on and off thing, since both couples had one of them leave and come back again and again.

I think with both Ian and Fiona, their partners outside of jimmy or Mickey are always characters which relate to Jimmy or Mickey. That's weirdly phrased, but I think it's more like both Ian and Fiona would be like 'oh, Mickey used to say stuff like that' or 'Jimmy kissed better'. Like their other relationships are almost a consequence or comparison of their main love.

Both couples also have a hell of a lot of chemistry.

However, they're also so very, very different.

Ian and Mickey are an example of loving someone an insane amount and, against all odds, it works.

Fiona and JimmySteve are an example of loving someone an insane amount and it not working.

Fiona and JimmySteve are a tragic trope; they'll never work. I don't think Fiona goes back to him after she leaves. I hope she finds someone else who she loves, perhaps not as much, because loving someone that much is hard and a little destructive.

Ian and Mickey are not tragic. Their storyline is, but they can't be tragic because they will always work out. They can't stay away from each other. Magnets.

There is certain completed element of Fiona and JimmySteve's goodbye, which every single Gallavich goodbye lacked. Even Mexico, when logically they both knew there was no chance of getting back together (because Mick would eventually come out of prison, ruling the season 1,2 and 6 goodbyes out), lacks a completedness. There's no goodbye, just an 'I love you - fuck you' which almost says 'I'll see you soon.'

Fiona and JimmySteve say goodbye. He tells her he loves her, much like Ian did, but she still needs something else. They could have been together, nothing was keeping them apart that time. (Aside from his compulsive lying - but this is about the couple and not about Jimmy).

They were an example of people falling in love with the wrong person. Love doesn't mean it works. They weren't right for each other, and I think that's one of the saddest things. Just because they loved each other, does not mean they can be together. Sometimes love does not conquer all.

Ian and Mickey are different. They fell in love with the right person, they almost moulded themselves to fit each other better. The reason they stayed apart so long was mostly due to circumstance - which you can argue for Fiona and JS too, but most of their problems could be solved with communication. Half the time I watched Fiona and JS, I felt like they were speaking two different languages. They couldn't understand each other, couldn't hear each other. It's really hard, I think, when you love someone so much, but you just don't fit right. They didn't love each other right.

("Why don't you go cry to your gay dad about it?" "Living in a goddamn slum" "I trust you - that means more to me" "I love you - I think I need something else now" "You need to let me go, you need to let me let you go")

I've always felt like Gallavich were on the same wavelength, they understood each other.

("You love me, and you're gay." "You're sick." "You're so much better than that." "I understand better than anyone: you're afraid of your father, you're afraid of your wife, you're afraid to be who you are." "I love you - What the hell does that even mean? - It means we take care of each other" "I love you, Mickey Milkovich, and if you'll let me, I'd like to spend the rest of my life - Jesus Christ save the fucking speech you pussy.") See, they get each other.

There's a lot to be said about their miscommunication as well, but they clearly get each other, in a way that Fiona and JimmySteve don't. It's like puzzle pieces. Ian and Mickey's pieces fit together, even if there were external forces keeping them apart. Sure, it may not be a perfect fit, but what is in humanity? There's so much beauty in imperfection. Fiona's and Jimmy Steve's pieces didn't fit. There were giant gaps where there shouldn't have been - such as JS's lying problem and Fiona's inability to feel empathy for anything he went through. Have you ever got so frustrated with a puzzle you just try and shove two pieces together so hard because you just want them together so bad? Maybe they'd look better in the puzzle if they went together. No matter how hard you try, they won't fit.

It just doesn't work, and that's so hard to accept. That sometimes, it just does not work.

I thought about this because of the sound trending on TikTok from Ocean's 11.

"Does he make you laugh?"

"He doesn't make me cry."

Anyway, rant over. Again, I'm not talking about the actions of JS or Fiona individually in this, those are whole different essays and I don't like JS enough to rewatch all his scenes and put one together for him. I think I've done one on Fiona though, but my feelings towards her are complicated. I'm talking about them as a couple.

Also, I'm not saying JimmySteve is anything like Mickey, or Fiona is like Ian.

Sorry for the deep stuff, I didn't think this would get so heavy.

[vbecker10]

Loki's Silent Sentry (alt. ending Part 1)

Part 2

This is meant to be read after part 2, instead of the original parts 3 - 7

**Seriously please do not read this without reading the trigger warnings**

TW: fire, life threatening injury, blood, death of a main character (if you message me I will tell you who in case that will change if you read this or not), mourning the loss of a loved one, loss of a family member, having to mourn in secret, depression, feeling alone, brief mentions of previous loss of parents, inability to move on, guilt

(Please let me know if I missed anything and I will add it)

A/N: I wrote the fluffy, happy ending for this story but I got this song (tagged below) stuck in my head and it felt like a really tragic way to end this story. The idea just kept getting more depressing and heartbreaking so I had to write it. I understand this is not for everyone, it's not even something I would usually read.

Please, please do not feel the need to read this because we are mutuals or because you read the happy ending version. I will absolutely not be offended if you skip it.

...Last chance to turn back lol 🫣

You close your eyes as he pulls you tighter to him, you are sure he can feel your heart pounding in your chest. "Are you really here?" you ask in a whisper. You fear he will vanish like one of his illusions the second you let go of him.

"I'm here my love," he reassures you. He kisses the top of your head and you look up at him. "Follow me," he says in a low voice.

You smile and nod, telling him, "You know I will follow you anywhere."

He takes your hand and leads you into the room he came out of. You can see he has been busy with his magic, his abilities have always thrilled and impressed you. The magically altered office is twice as large inside as it should be and is an exact replica of his chambers. You look around in awe and can't help but wonder if this isn't an illusion but one of his transportation spells.

He smiles with pride at your reaction and puts his arm around your waist, pulling you close to him again.

"How did you do all of this?" you ask. "Its amazing... you're amazing," you tell him as you turn in his arms to face him.

"I'm afraid the young corporal spent has a large portion of her time this week dutifully guarding my empty office," he jokes and you laugh with him.

He smiles and kisses you, his hands traveling up and down the back of your thin shirt as he hold you close. "Stay here with me tonight," he says between kisses. He doesn't say it as a prince ordering his sentry but you obey his request without a second thought.

It is almost five months since your new Sunday night routine with Loki began. He would slip through the palace with ease after he dismissed his sentry for the night and you would take a left at the top of the stairs after his mother released you.

While hidden away, surrounded by his illusion, the two of you could pretend everything was perfect. You love him with all of your heart and he loves you back just as fiercely. He would kiss you and hold you and tell you that you were his but the moment the sun came up, everything would change. You always did your best to hold back your emotions as you put your armor on and returned to your silent duties.

It devastated you every time you needed to leave him but you kept your pain to yourself. You were afraid to ruin the small window of time you had with wishes and false hope that things could somehow be different.

You stand silently outside of the queen's office and let the smallest smile slip when you notice Loki coming down the hall. He offers you a brief smirk in return as he comes to a stop in front of you.

"Lieutenant Y/L/N, is my mother in a meeting?" he asks you.

"No, your highness," you respond, shaking your head slightly.

"I would like to speak with her for a moment," he tells you and you nod.

After knocking on the door, you wait for her to open it then step out of Loki's way. As he passes you, he carefully slips a folded piece of paper into your palm and you close it quickly. He goes inside, pausing for barely a moment to lock eyes with you before closing the door behind him.

You return to your position next to her door and tuck away the note for later, Loki's sentry stands at attention on the other side. You glance over at him quickly, you recognize him but can't recall his name. He had only graduated the academy a month ago, he was far too new to be guarding someone of Loki's standing but that was precisely why he had been selected. Loki had taken to choosing soldiers with limited experience and often replaced them every few weeks. He said he did this so they were less likely to notice he was slipping away to visit you but you joked that it was because he would never be able to find a sentry to fill your place.

The door opens fifteen minutes later and both the queen and Loki step out into the hall. She closes the door behind her and says, "Prince Loki is going to visit the blacksmith and I've decided to get some fresh air and go with him."

You and Loki's sentry nod to acknowledge the plan. You both follow mother and son down several hallways and winding staircases until you finally reach the steps leading to the courtyard. As you step out into the sun, you take a deep breath and close your eyes for a quick moment. The palace air could be stale at times and you always welcomed a chance to spend even a few minutes during the week outside.

Its almost a twenty minute walk to the blacksmiths, past the stables and a well used for the horses. The apprentice steps out of the one story wooden structure to pick up a few cords of wood that are stacked neatly out front. He opens the door and yells something to the man inside, presumably that the queen and prince are coming. He opens the door and bows his head as they walk past to enter, you smile at him a bit to hopefully help ease the young boy's nerves.

The blacksmith bows to Loki and the queen as they enter and the boy shuts the door once you are all inside. You can't help but look around, you've never been in here before but Loki had told you about his frequent visits. You can feel the heat from the tall fires of the forge off to your left and the breeze that flows through the open windows at the far end of the building. Large timber rafters line the steeply pitched roof and a small rainbow shines onto the sawdust covered floor, caused by the colored glass in the door.

Your attention is drawn back to Loki, as it always is when he is near. He begins talking to the older man, the apprentice's father you assume due to how similar they look. They discuss the knives Loki had previously ordered, a set of two daggers with black leather handles and gold inlays in the shape of a coiled snake. You try not to smile at how obviously Loki his request is.

Your focus shifts to the apprentice, he can't be older than nine or ten you think. He takes something from his father and brings it to the office space in the back then returns with a wooden box containing different types of metal to select from. The queen joins in the conversation with her son and Loki's sentry leans against the wall near an open window, staring off into the forest beyond.

You keep your eye on the boy, watching him run from one errand to the next for his father. He brings things to him and is waved off to find something else, only to do it again. In between helping gather the materials, he continues to feed the forge. He has added at least four logs since you arrived, surly that was plenty to keep the fire raging, you think but truthfully you know little about blade work and forging swords.

Several more minutes pass, Loki and his mother are deeply engaged in conversation with the blacksmith who has easily convinced Loki to get a second set of knives. His sentry has disappeared into his own little world while you continue to observe everyone quietly as you stand near the door.

You stretch a bit and cover your mouth as a yawn slips free, you should really stop reading until the sun comes up, you scold yourself. Suddenly you stand up straighter and sniff the air again, breathing deeply. You can't quite place the smell but the heat from the forge has gotten stronger. Your eyes immediately find the boy who is frozen with fear as he looks into the fire.

Blue flames erupt from the metal and stone enclosure of the forge.

Without thinking, you move to the young boy and grab him by the arm, pulling him away from the rapidly growing flames. Once his feet start moving, you push him in the direction of the door and look for the queen. As soon as your gaze is away from the forge you hear metal grinding and a loud crack as the chimney buckles under the sudden and immense increase in temperature.

You look back to see the fire spark and spit embers onto the sawdust spread over the floor. Walking backwards from the forge, your eyes move up as the fire spreads to the roof of the structure. Smoke quickly begins to fill the air and your eyes sting as you fight to keep them open. You watch in horror as one of the rafters on the ceiling splinters from the flames and you run towards the queen, you know the building won't be standing much longer.

You keep your arm around her waist until you've guided her safety outside. She takes a few steps away from you and sits heavily on the grass, coughing from the smoke. You look back towards the burning building, the roof already partially collapsed as the trusses are destroyed by the flames.

Smoke billows out of the open door and you quickly turn to count that everyone is out. The queen, the blacksmith, his son, Loki's sentry... but not Loki.

"Loki!" you scream, scanning the field in front of you in the hopes that you somehow missed him. You rush to his sentry who is on his hands and knees coughing and gasping for fresh air. "Where is he!?" you demand.

He shakes his head and doesn't respond, you grab his arm and pull forcefully, making him look up at you. You can see the fearful tears in his eyes but his feelings are not your concern, not while Loki is still missing. "Private, where is the prince?!"

"I don't know," he cries. "I just- I just ran- I don't-" you let go of his arm and turn from him, unable to listen to his excuses.

You look back to the fully engulfed building and without a moments hesitation, you run through the open door.

"Loki!" you call for him, you cough painfully as you inhale the ash and smoke. You crouch and shield your eyes as the glass in one of the windows near you shatters. "Loki!" you scream as loud as your lungs will allow. You move forward, towards where he had been when you last saw him with his mother.

You cough harder as the flames surround you and you get low to crawl under the ever thickening smoke. "Loki!" you scream again, your heart racing as tears stream down your cheeks, making it harder to see.

"Y/N," you hear Loki faintly over the crackling of the fire and get up to run towards his voice.

Your heart pounds in your chest when you see him, trapped under part of a collapsed beam. He struggles to lift the large piece of wood, it's edges blackened by the flames growing closer. You grab the end of the beam nearest to Loki and lift while he pushes, it moves but not enough. Your grip slips and he screams in pain from the sudden movement. Your eyes fix on the blood that slowly starts to gather at the corners of his mouth, adjusting your grip you get ready to try again.

Before you and Loki can make a second attempt, a nearby section of the roof collapses. You instinctively use your own body as protection against the falling debris shielding his face and upper body, you hold back a cry as ash falls onto the exposed skin on the back of your neck.

"Y/N, please get out of here," he tells you, his voice hoarse when you sit up.

You shake your head no and tell him, "I won't leave without. Help me lift this."

Again, he pushes with what little strength he has left and you pull with every bit of strength you can gather. The beam moves enough that you can free him. You grab Loki under his arms and pull, he cries out every inch until he is fully clear of the beam. It devastates you to cause him pain but you have no choice. You wipe your tears on your arm and without letting go of him, you tell him you are sorry but you can't stop. You know if you do, neither of you will make it out.

You lay Loki on the grass behind the burning building, ignoring the sound of a wall giving way and kneel next to him. His fingers are dripping with blood as he reaches for you.

"Y/N," he says softly but you shake your head and avoid his gaze. You are too scared to look at him, you know he wants to tell you goodbye.

"I need to stop the bleeding," you say with as much determination and hope as you can force. You move to check his chest wounds and your heart shatters, your mind spins in shock and disbelief as you rip open the rest of his torn and bloody shirt. "No no no," you mumble to yourself in denial.

You move your hands to his chest in desperation, trying to cover the largest break in his skin but his fingers close softly around your wrist, keeping you from touching his wounds. Looking into his eyes, in a gentle tone he simply says, "Stop." His grip on your wrist loosens but you can't accept that there is nothing you can do for him.

You shake your head no again, "Please Loki..."

He tries his best to smile but the blood in his mouth makes him cough violently. You move so you can gently rest his head on your lap and you run your fingers through his hair damp. He raises his hand again to stroke your cheek and you close your eyes at his touch.

"Y/N," he says just above a whisper and you lean closer to hear him. "I knew you would come for me," he coughs and spits out a bit of blood. "You always followed me..." his voice trails off.

You smile through your tears and tell him, "I will follow you anywhere, I promised you that I would."

He continues to slowly stroke your cheek, wiping away your tears but leaving a light trail of his blood, "I'm sorry my love, but where I go now you cannot follow."

"No, Loki please," you cry, "I love you."

"I will always love you Y/N, more than anything in the nine realms," he says softly as his breath grows still and shallow.

"Stay with me," you plead, taking his hand in yours. "You're all I have left. Please stay with me," you beg him. "I love you. Please don't go, Loki, please."

His fingers slip from yours and you look down at his lifeless body, your chest tightens as you struggle to breath. You feel as if your heart is physically breaking, the pain is unbearable and consuming. "I'm so sorry Loki," you apologize over and over. "I was supposed to protect you, I should have protected you. I'm sorry, please."

"Loki! Loki!" the queen's voice rips through your grief and guilt as the rest of the building collapses, the fire still raging. You look up and see Frigga running towards her son, her eyes full of fear which turns to anguish as they met yours.

Getting up, you walk slowly backwards, your body on autopilot as you distance yourself from mother and son. She let's out an agonizing scream, a sound you will never forget, as she falls to her knees next to her youngest son. She cradles him in her arms and kisses his forehead, whispering to him as she rocks slowly.

You stand motionless a few feet from Loki's body and his mother, your breathing becoming more ragged as your chest tightens. You barely register the dozen or so workers who struggle to keep the fire from spreading across the field or the soldiers running with Thor.

"Mother! Loki!" Thor calls as he sprints around what is left of the building, desperately searching for his family. He gets closer and stops suddenly when he sees his younger brother laying in his mother's arms.

Frigga looks over her shoulder and Thor begins to slowly walk towards her, you can do nothing but watch his expression change as the reality of what he is seeing hits him. As he gets closer, she looks back down at Loki, wiping away some of the blood from his face gently. Thor kneels besides her, his hand on her back and she quietly says, "Loki is gone."

Your knees buckle at her words and you collapse onto the grass. You cover your face with your hands as your body shakes violently from the force of your sobs.

Loki is gone, your thoughts echo the queen's words. Loki is gone and it is your fault, your guilt adds. Loki is gone and you couldn't save him. Loki is gone but he shouldn't be. Loki is gone but you were supposed to give your life for his. Loki is gone.

You stand at attention in the center of the throne room in front of the royal family, the council and every high ranking officer from the royal guard. You keep your eyes straight ahead, focusing on a small detail on the wall beyond Odin as he speaks. You are too afraid to look anywhere else but slowly your focus drifts to the queen and where Loki used to stand.

She holds Thor's arm for support, her gaze fixed to the marble floor beneath her. Your chest aches at the sight of the queen in her black mourning gown and you hate yourself for wishing you could wear one as well.

This morning, every soldier in the royal guard was given a thin black piece of fabric to tie around their arm in memory of the lost prince. For five minutes, you struggled to tie it properly before a fellow sentry finally offered to help you. The members of your unit and palace staff no longer made mocking comments about the favoritism Loki showed for you but they would never understand the depth of your grief.

As a sentry, it was against protocol for you to show any emotion while on duty and that was especially true in your case. As far as the king and council were concerned, you meant nothing to Loki and it was made clear to you yesterday that you were not to mourn for him publicly. A part of you didn't care, what could they do to punish you that was worse then the hell you were currently living in. You didn't have the strength to disobey the king, however, it took every ounce of strength you had to simply get out of bed each morning. So here you stand, surrounded by nearly a hundred people, trying with all your might to keep from falling completely and utterly apart.

Frigga slowly looks up and your breath catches when you see the tears in her eyes. She doesn't seem to see you though, it is almost as if she is looking through you, her mind unfocused on the ceremony taking place.

You force yourself to pay attention to Odin as he continues his speech about what is being called "a tragic accident". The phrase sounds like nails scrapped across metal to you and you brace yourself so as not to shiver every time you hear it.

You were still not sure what exactly caused the fire to burn uncontrollably but it was quickly determined that the boy meant no one harm. He and his father had been cleared by the council of any wrong doing and were granted a small sum to rebuild their forge. You wish the boy well and hope he isn't being plagued by nightmares as you are.

Loki's sentry, however, is to be sentenced this afternoon. The day after the fire, he was brought up on numerous charges and subsequently dishonorably discharged from the royal guard. You had stood as a witness at his hearing, forced to recount every detail of that horrific day.

You hear Odin droning on but your mind can't seem to absorb what he is saying. You continue to watch him though, knowing it's almost time for you to play the part of the noble hero.

He gestures for you to step forward and you follow his command, kneeling when you are just a few steps from him. He walks towards you and says, "Lieutenant Y/L/N, you are being awarded the Medal of Royal Protection for your actions during the tragic accident three days ago. This honor is bestowed upon sentries who have risked their lives to save, and attempt to save, a member of the royal family. Thanks to your bravery, my wife, Asgard's queen was escorted to safety."

He pauses, his eyes finding Frigga before he turns back to the crowd of soldiers and council members gathered around you. "We are all heartbroken over the loss of Prince Loki. My son's life was woefully cut short... far too short," his voice trails off for a moment and you think he may let his emotions show but he clears his throatand continues. "But that does not overshadow your extraordinary act of heroism. You risked your life by going into a burning building and in doing so, you have given us the chance to say goodbye to Prince Loki properly, which is what he deserves."

Your throat feels like it is closing, your eyes sting as you fight desperately to keep the gathering tears from slipping free. Your head pounds as you prepare to receive a medal for saving the queen but not saving Loki.

"Lieutenant Y/L/N," he motions for you to stand. He takes a round golden medal with a red ribbon from a council member and pins it to your dress uniform. "Asgard and I thank you for your continued commitment to protecting and serving the royal family," he says and you feel nauseated by the applause that spreads through the throne room.

This is the song that inspired me, if you listen to the end you will see why. Again... I'm sorry to everyone who reads this that I hurt you but I just needed to get this story out of my head. If you want the happy ending version please read the original part 3 (linked at the top) 💙💙

If you did like this, please like, comment and share! Thanks! 💚💚

@siconetribal @soubi001 @lulubelle814 @newtomofgods