#train and fight! [coomer]

[comeontom]

tosses mice into your inbox Gimmie HLVRAI headcanons you have I need them feed me @ comeontom on tumblr.com

BET BET BET

Toms HLVRAI Headcanons!

Remember these are just headcannons none of them are cannon or meant to reflect the voice actors!

Tommy Coolatta

Gman let him choose their last name because he didn’t have one. Tommy had asked him one day what it was.

He watches people sleep.

He’s actually allergic to real oranges hence his favorite soda being sunkiss and any other artificially flavored orange thing

He really dislikes the fact Gordon baby’s him so instead of calling him Dr Freeman he passive aggressively calls him Mr Freeman. It’s kinda a “I know more than you” situation

He’s had Sunkiss sense he was a kid. He started out as a science fair project…

He’s on the trans spectrum! He’s “trans masc” for the most part however he doesn’t really care what he is or knows what he is. He has know desire to know ether. Sometimes he feels like being “pretty” sometimes he feels like being “handsome”. He doesn’t care he just uses He/Him pronouns for everything

He’s autistic

He’s afraid of Tomas the Train

He and Benrey have hour long staring contests. The record so far is 4 hours.

He started an illegal beyblade fighting ring at black mesa. Benreys the referee.

He and Benrey have been friends for ages even before Gordon started working for Black mesa. No one really knows when they got at Black mesa or when they became friends they’ve always just been friends.

He’s 6,5 with several degrees yet he walks into glass doors 24/7

He taught himself how to make b0mbs

He ate a head crab simple to scare Gordon

He’s the only one Gordon has let babysit Joshua and not regretted

He and Gordon are good friends despite Gordon constantly babying him.

He has mansplained to the entire facility over the intercoms about how stupid trains are and how they shouldn’t exist

Benrey

Autistic.

Gender-fluid but like he’s an actual fucking fluid.

He’s so obsessive with Gordon because he remembers bits and pieces of his other “universe” personas. He both hates and loves the familiarity

He follows toon logic some times example being he’s only Tall when it’s funny

He eats lemons just for fun

He likes to break the fourth wall and read the most unhinged chat messages he can out

He babysat Joshua once and duck taped him too the wall

He hates aquaman with a passion

He can’t swim

He chews on Tommy’s hands when he’s bored

He’s banned from all Walmarts in a 100 mile radius

He couldn’t read for the first 20 years of his life

He likes to put bugs in Gordon’s things

He also watches people sleep.

Light hurts his eyes a lot

He and sunkiss are besties

He hates cats (He acts like one)

He likes garlic bread

Benrey can quote the entire Bible in Japanese (He’s not religious

He’s very buff.

Gordon

Joshua is his an entire world and he was breaking down over not being able to see him while trapped in black mesa

He’s got BPD and maybe Schizophrenia (I don’t know a lot about the disorder so that’s a maybe.)

Autistic

Even if he regrets what happened with Benrey he’s still absolutely terrified of him and has nightmares about Benreys world

CIS MAN CIS NORMAL MAN NO FLAVOR (/j)

He’s bi :D

I don’t have a lot for him atm I’m sleepy ;-;

Dr Coomer

He knows it’s a simulation and he’ll never be the same

He’s FTM and BI

He and Bubby are married

Bubby dose not know their married

He has robot hands

He eats his clones

He likes sonic games

Again sorry I don’t have a lot ;-;

Dr Bubby

He’s angry autistic and gay that’s about it

[gmanwhore]

Alright. The post. Reasons I think Dr. Coomer will replace Dr. Wallace Breen in HLVRAI2.

First off, they have the same HL1 model. We can infer the one scientist is Breen since he is the only person shown talking directly to G-man, and we know G-man have Breen the Xen crystal. So there is that connection.

Breen and Coomer are both there specifically to fit roles. On a meta level, Breen retconned in to be Black Mesa's Administrator. He only exists to fill a very specific role, and outside of that is completely unimportant. Coomer exists to be a tutorial NPC, nothing more.

Breen is a figurehead for humanity's oppressors (If you come on this post saying he is a Hitler allegory I will actually fucking kill you he role is so different. He is corrupted by propaganda he is not a leader by any stretch of the imagination.) Anyways. He is a spokesperson of the Combine as well. This could tie in to Coomer being the only one to know what controls them, that hey are just part of a game.

Also, I know Breengrub isn't canon BUT on the Twitter account you could see Breengrub's descent into pure puppetry as he just spouts things, hoping to lure out the Resistance. You know who is also stuck spouting out lines made for him? Coomer. Look man he is perfect at doing being the exposition guy, which is Breen's role in a sense.

Come on. Antagonist Coomer would go so fucking hard you know that. Can you imagine Gordon getting off the train and he just hears "Hello, Gordon!" Like imagine having to fight the friend who waited for you. That would go so fucking hard

[hlvrai-stuck-together]

Coomer's power grows!

Train and fight, anon! Every day!

[therosecrest]

I have been visiting my grandmother for Christmas, so I have been away without the internet. Of course, I still wrote down my dreams. Unusually, I dreamt every night this past week.

On the first night, I slept terribly because of the chill and the sound of the howling wind. During one sleep, I dreamt of cycling down a rough path beneath a castle. Where it turned to concrete and was under construction, I crossed a gap over a plank, but turned back when I was called. I left my bike and slid back down the dirt and gravel to answer the man, who asked me if I knew Maggie Mui. I told him that I did, as she and her sisters were living with me, and offered her number. I should be so lucky. I slept poorly that night, because of the howling wind.

I slept better but restlessly the second night. I dreamt I think of my friends - two of them are almost certainly fucking - and that I had been kicked off this project team because I was not pulling my weight, something which will happen if I don’t contribute enough.

On the third night, I dream of Goodnight, Mister Tom, which I had watched the night before. It is a moving wartime drama and a classic. Watch it sometime and develop some emotions. Perhaps because of that, I dreamt I was given a rather square bike. I was invited by someone to take a ride down in London, but had to take it down on the train first. 

I’m sure I had another dream the next night, but I didn’t remember it in the morning. But the next night, I dreamt of an old sentai type character. He wore a silver suit, and seemed to love nothing more than sitting by a campfire and explaining the morals of stories to the camera. He did not his wear his helmet much, but I wasn’t complaining; he was a handsome older man.

It seems he was summoned by his mother, an imperious white witch who clearly disapproved of his homosexuality. I think she had been the good guys’ mentor character back in the day, like in Power Rangers: Mystic Force. She looked down on him from a cliff edge and gave him orders. 

Last night, I dreamt a few dreams. I dreamt of attending this event at a Gunpla shop. Also in attendance were various Build protagonists, whose skill intimidated me, especially with my Gunpla not even assembled. Sei was a nice lad, though. Very humble and approachable.

After that, I dreamt of Mass Effect. Shepard, Wrex, and perhaps the tall one with the nice voice were pursuing a human Wrex was out for revenge on. I got on a lift, but the other two were well behind. I wanted to wait, but the fugitive confronted me before I was ready. I got into a massive firefight alone. It was him and many bodyguards, who appeared from nowhere and all had his face. I reasoned that it must be the limitations of the game, recycling assets. Since I only plan an Engineer, my combat ability is not the best. I was fighting desperately, throwing out everything that I had but then they stopped dying. It was like that scene in Half-Life AI with all the Coomer clones. Really rather alarming.

And there you have it.

[arobenrey]

spurred from a conversation with @waitineedaname! most powerful peepaw on earth

[ID: A digital drawing of Dr. Coomer from HLVR:AI lifting Joshua, who is sitting on one arm, as Coomer flexes and yells, grinning. Coomer’s robotic arms are drawn in detail, fully exposed by his green tank top that says “Train and fight! Grandpa style” over cargo shorts. Joshua is holding onto Coomer’s forearm and shoulder, legs dangling and yelling along with him. He’s wearing a blue t-shirt that says “Please, stop praying for my grandpa! He’s too strong! The cops can’t get him!” He’s got a few top teeth missing, lots of freckles on brown skin, and blue shorts and sneakers. There’s a yellow background with a warm gradient and dot pattern. End ID.]

[hlvraidevilstrain]

TRAIN AND FIGHT, JOSHUA!

JOSHUA SPRINT

he climbs up a ladder attached to the bookshelf while Dr Coomer follows close behind

Alright think. What did Dr Coomer lose…

[fates-theysband]

allll the self insert asks with ur Stanley Parable s/i?

thank you!! sorry for taking so long to get to this. i dont have a good excuse i just forgor.

give us a quick run down of your s/i!!

so i don't have a lot going on in terms of a proper tsp s/i bc the "main" timeline is the isekai one i've written about before but they're employee 104 (the fired one you see in the mind control facility lol) . not to make what would have undoubtedly be considered the closest thing tsp has to a mary sue but the mind control machine never quite had the same..."grip" on them as it did the other employees. it was still enough to keep them in line but they always had a sense that Something Isn't Right and they would find themself uncertain why they did certain things. they were fired because they ended up getting too close to 432 and management didn't want them mucking up the experiment.

they were still there when shit got real. or unreal, as the case may be. but the narrator missed them when he was deleting stanley's coworkers. because technically, they weren't one anymore.

post a meme that describes your s/i.

where does your s/i live? do they aspire to move or are they content with where they are?

they have memories prior to the parable of a crappy apartment with annoying (but not annoying enough for them to not feel like putting in a noise complaint would make them an asshole) neighbors. they're not sure how real those memories are anymore. if they are, they're starting to miss that place.

what's a song that describes your s/i? even better if you have a playlist!

"underground" by cody fry! most heartbreakingly beautiful song about getting hit by a train known to man. although i take the lyrics more metaphorically in this case.

what is your s/i's profession?

whatever it is the parable company does. they were what the book "bullshit jobs" calls a "box-ticker".

what does your s/i have most in common with you? what's different about them?

the most they have in common with me is that they have an unexciting office job that occasionally asks them to say or do things they don't agree with and that ultimately they just want to live a quiet life (don't say what you're thinking). but they handled being fired better than i would have. i think if my job fired me i would completely break down. not because i believe in the company but because i really don't want to move back in with my parents.

if your s/i was an animal, what would they be?

a goose. not in a chaotic "untitled goose game" way (a little bit in that way), in a "how the fuck did you get here there are literally no bodies of water in a several mile radius" way

how did you get the idea for your s/i's backstory?

thought "man the mind control machine is powerful so this probably isn't likely to be canon but wouldn't it be fucked up if someone was kind to 432 and eventually got fired for it because they were mucking up the experiment"

give us an example s/i outfit (or describe it).

honestly they just wear unexceptional business casual. something like this:

what are some of your s/i's major skills?

data entry and a typing speed of a about 140 wpm

seriously though, they're really sneaky and have an easy time getting to places that the narrator thinks people can only get into if he allows them. like the memory zone and the other games from the games ending and what have you.

what is your s/i afraid of?

well right now they're afraid there's no way out. like it's great being reunited with their office crush but it's exhausting having to hide in the margins lest the omniscient voice controlling the whole thing get wise to them and delete them.

if you had to compare your s/i to an already existing fictional character, who would it be?

they're a little like dr coomer from hlvrai; like not his personality just his role. they've recently realized that the situation they're in isn't real, just real to them, and they're kind of fighting to keep it from breaking them so they overplay their silliness

has your s/i's story changed since you created them or has it stayed relatively the same?

im still kind of fleshing them out. they've been Just A Concept for quite a while.

[phlyaros]

I'm probably never going to complete these so here's some old half life funny sketches

[gordonradiotv]

GORDONRADIOTV - GAME COMPLETE

THANKS FOR PLAYING!

Ah, hello everyone!

This is Toony, the mod for this blog. This isn’t an in character message, haha

I’ll get straight to the point. I’ve never been the best with words, this is something I emphasize and say way more often than I really should. That said, what I’m about to say can’t...POSSIBLY reflect the amount of gratitude and love I feel towards all of you for supporting me through this project. It’s simply not possible for me to put it into the words.

But! I can try, right?

GordonRadioTV has been...a strange yet very delightful experience to say the very least. This is a fucking tumblr ask blog based on some haha funny half life parody characters, it’s ridiculous, isn’t it?

And as silly as it may be given the source material and general gist of what this blog is, it’s also a passion project. Storytelling is something I’ve been enamored with ever since I was a kid. I’ve dreamed of being able to one day tell a story that I’m passionate about and that makes other people happy literally my entire life. And, as bizarre as it may sound again given the source material and all that, I...genuinely think GordonRadioTV is the first time I’ve ever been able to do this.

You guys have done so much for me both as a creator and a person, far more than you ever should have. I’ve become a happier person, I’ve achieved artistic dreams and advances, I’ve learned so much about writing and art, I’ve made new friends and found new opportunities, etc. And none of that would’ve been possible without all of you.

Whether you’re lurkers or frequent askers or people getting caught up with the story right as it’s ending, you’ve done so fucking much for me. I for the life of me can’t put into words how much you all mean to me and how much this blog has meant to me. It’s been a wild few months, and we all know what a shitty year this has been, but...Honestly? All of you guys made it so much better for me, and I don’t know how to express how grateful I am for that.

But I do know how to say it in four simple words.

I love you all. 

As much as a stranger can love another, genuinely I mean it. You’ve all done so much for me and, really, I don’t know how well this whole rambling bullshit is getting across what I mean to say, but at the end of this I want you all to know two things:

I love you, and none of this could’ve been done without you.

Thank you all so much.

You’ve...changed my life, everyone. I’d like to think it was for the better.

And I don’t know what’s going to happen to us now that our tale is over, but I know I won’t forget you. And I hope you won’t forget me.

Well...this is where I get off.

Goodbye, everyone! <3

[visualbasicscript]

please please tell me about it !!!

OK SO

There's honestly so many different ways you could take combining mcyt and hlvrai because there's So Much MCYT like you could squeeze a science team dynamic out of any 5 mcyts and the original one made by the gc of people who liked mcyt and hlvrai at the time had it like gordon/wilbur benrey/eret or something but I'm gonna go with my favourite sbi one because I'm predictable and I like sbi so it isn't really mcyt hlvrai more like sbivrai but ANYWAY it goes

gordos feetman - tommyinnit

bipple boper beny - wilbur

dr harold coomer phd - phil

bubye - techno

tommy bahamas - tubbo

and then there's schlatt as gman because heehoo dadschlatt reference and also he's the only one who would wear a suit tie and still fistfight wilbur soot

darnold is? since I'm going with sbi/dsmp centric for this combination darnold and forzen are Hard because they're such good characters and not many people play a Massive Pussy ok so no offense to ranboo but while I was writing this I realised he'd fit perfectly for darnold and maybe even dream wastaken himself would work for Boots Beyblade

if this was as dsmp characters then it'd be foolish darnold and sap 'pig eating pig' nap would be forzen but it's not so ENOUGH ABT THEM

tommy was fun because there was this one half life chapter where the other people who were like Using The HEV suits and training to use them in experiments actually existed and I thought that was cool so I stole that. tommy is a mystery Young age and has been at the actual black mesa site for like half a day to test out the training hev suit which is red for the biggest size and is still Way Too Fucking Small For Him so he doesnt have most of the black mesh plates and just the actual armor pieces over his dumb basketball shirt and it's great. he shows up goes howdy and Touches Shit He Should Not Touch trying to fight mr soot and Res Cas happens. in meta a lot of the bits where wayne is talking to chat isn't cut out so sometimes he'll be like Yo I Just Shot That Guy Poggers In Chat and techno will stare at him like he's insane but wil might play along sometimes

wilburs eldritch stuff is a lot more Low Key and more 'you wish you were inmortal like me bitchboy' like he's just being an asshole cause he hasn't been hit yet but no he is just immortal. it's the same dynamic of I hate you but you are also a Little Funny but please die it's good it's great think that one gorgeous freeman 'jackass'. gorgeous freeman is weird ANYWAYS

tubbo,,, he's tommy even though he's tubbo get it get it funny haha anyways he's very much Tommy Bahamas Coolatta just freakishly shorter, the same gun safety and being the only reliable motherfucker there though the gun safety is played off more as intentionally fucking w tommy and also one thing I'm really proud of is sunkist is a bee named Ribena Ri-bee-na I'm so cool it's great ribena is like a british soft drink it's a staple here but it fits perfectly

COOMER is phil old man old bitch his tones less energetic except for when he's dishing out his Video Game Lines but he's still the violent senior citizen w love not much else to say other than his wife is still current and maybe an alien based off the vortiguant name who knows the underground boxing ring is an anime fanclub

bubbbbyyyyyyyyyyy mr feelgood mr professor is technoblade his stuck up 'i have studied the blade' 'you must train for 100 years' potato war attitude is amped up to 100 for bubby, still v dramatic. there's a whole gag where because techno keeps making so many gd pig puns and his dumb curtain fringe looks like pig ears tommy and a little more knowingly wilbur joke that bubby is the result of an experiment where black mesa turned pigs into humans partially unaware that that's fucking EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED

gman is mr jebediah schlatt who timefreezes for chats a lot more because this science team is a lot more incompetent and also because he's a massive bitch who just wants to snark at tommy while he waits for them to get to xen and the psn scene is replaced with hotpocket scene because it's my favourite wilbur and schlatt monologue while tommys banging his head into the wall waiting for time to move OH AND THE BIRTHDAY PARTY WAS IN NO WAY PLANNED at the very last minute he grabs them out of xen like 'FUCK I FORGOT ITS TUBBOS BIRTHDAY MY SUPERIORS ARE GONNA KILL ME OK PLEASE COME PLEASE COME ILL KILL YOU IF YOU DONT JUST HURRY CMON BIRTHDAY TIME' because that's hilarious

and because I've now just thought abt it ranbers is darnold and he's almost exactly the same except he's a little more self aware outside of devil gun mode and asks tommy abt chat which is like 'oh what the fuck' moment

ok the end maybe more soon I just rushed this because I am thinking thoghtuhghts

[year2000electronics]

HLVRAI ROLESWAP AU

mothra back at it again with the headcanons

BENREY

swaps with: gordon

the player (naturally!)

he’s not really out to antagonize anyone, and not being the final boss does curb his evil tendencies, but he’s still very tired and very snarky

he wants to get out of black mesa to play heavenly sword with his friend jeff...erem

still a tsundere so the Science Team and him take a bit of a longer time to bond

GORDON

swaps with: benrey

takes on the facade of a human, similar to benrey

he’s too strict, to contrast with benrey who’s too lax

insists that benrey needs to “prove he’s not trouble”, which means he often criticizes benrey for killing people and breaking regulations

also has the black mesa sweet voice but uses it more like a taser if anything

“GEE” (G-MAN COOLATTA)

swaps with: tommy

says his real name is classified. doesn’t like it when benrey tries to give him nicknames

normally he’d disapprove of this, but he finds benrey’s antics amusing so he lets it happen

seems to know more than he lets on, but doesn’t want to tell benrey because it’s on a “need to know basis”

a scientist at black mesa

BUBBY

swaps with: dr. coomer

the designated tutorial npc. thanks to this, he’s a lot more subdued than regular bubby thanks to him needing to give benrey instructions more often

he quips a lot more at benrey- ie “you found the oxy! ...took you long enough.”

unlike coomer, though, his self aware moments aren’t dark green text, he becomes a raging pyromaniac because DAMMIT!! NOTHING IS REAL SO IT DOESN’T MATTER!!!!!!

benrey and him get along the best because they snark with each other a lot as bros, but also benrey has the info bubby wants

bubby’s still a test tube baby here, so instead of a clone boss fight benrey has to fight.... The Prototypes

DR. COOMER

swaps with: bubby

a retired boxer who clearly isn’t quite done in the ring

he’s rowdy and a bit slap-happy, but kinder than bubby would be in his situation

gordon tricks him into helping with the betrayal by convincing him benrey needs to get tougher and this would be the perfect training

instead of a god damn tube, coomer is stuck in those cages that the headcrabs were in that one time

FORZEN

swaps with: darnold

head of the cybernetics department

he wasn’t paying attention when he got the memo that the department was making room for the mixology department, so his lab is all that’s left

him and benrey bond over video games

wants to come with them, but says he’s “needed by youtube”

DARNOLD

swaps with: forzen

almost always wears a gas mask because he throws a lot of bombs/gas bombs (he makes them all himself!)

ends up being the last soldier because he’s clever like that

wants to eventually open up his own store

urges the gang to overthrow coca cola because “dr. pepper is the best red soda and we all know it”

MR. COOLATTA

swaps with: g-man

a mysterious entity with the ability to bend both time and space, how foreboding he is-

except not really because when he tries to do his job he talks about soda or his dog kisses him

gee is his dad, and is carrying on the family business after he retired (...from being a government man)

takes the group to dave and busters for gee’s birthday party (gee insists it’s only for the side restaurant)

[godon-feetman-funny-moments]

Coomer let out a wheeze, followed by a “Ha-HA! I am alive, Professor! No need for silly quarrels!”

Bubby most likely rolled their eyes, not that you could see them, although they were still visibly relieved. “We know that, dipshit. That’s not the problem.”

“Oh. Then why so angry, my good bitch?” “Your arm.”

The moustached man seemed to re-register the limb loss.

“Ah, my arm appears to be gone!” “...Yup.”

---------------------------------------

Passport Guardian Angel chapter 29 is out as of THIS EXACT MOMENT

When we last left off our story, everyone's favorite scientist, Dr. Coomer, had been left with one less arm than usual from the aftermath of his and Benrey's fight. With training coming to a screeching halt, dearest reader, re-join our heroes as they sort through the resulting carnage of the previous battle. - Will Bubby finally kill Benrey? How will Dr. Coomer punch real good with one less fist? Will Darnold ever fully understand what's going on? -

If only there was a convenient link you could click to find out the answers OH WAIT THERE IS CLICK RIGHT HERE!

(And click riiiiiight here to start from the beginning if you so desire)

[valencrime]

I guess I write now!

Here’s them.

Couch Time

D17. Della Duck & Gladstone Gander. Della’s having a hard time, so Cousin Gladstone does his best to be reassuring! 

.

Bomb Rush Blush

Splatoon 2 (Octo Expansion). Callie & Dedf1sh. Callie’s trying to help save 3, Captn, and 8 from the subway, but gets sidetracked and has a very musical boss fight with a strange, green DJ.

.

remember when malls existed?

HLVRAI. Benrey & Gordon Freeman. Gordon’s just trying to buy gifts for his son at the mall, but for some reason the lights are out. Is there something crawling in the vents?

.

Project “FREEMAN”

HLVRAI. Benrey/Gordon Freeman, bg Bubby/Coomer. Black Mesa’s made a new AI, and it’s up to The Science Team to teach it how to be a person! Benrey just has to make sure it’s capable of hatred. That can’t be so hard, right?

.

And He’s New In Town

HL. Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman. Mermaids AU! Gordon Freeman’s just moved into a new town by the coast, and who’s there to greet him but a very helpful seashell and surfboard salesman?

.

Indirect Confession

HL. Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman. Mermaids AU again! Gordon gets a wonderful gift from his closest, and maybe only, friend Barney Calhoun! Who he is DEFINITELY not into, romantically.

.

Gordon in Breen’s Office, What Propaganda Will He Make?

HL2. Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman. Alyx as the third main character. Instead of being put on the train to City 17, Gordon’s put right into Dr Breen’s office. It’s incredibly easy to manipulate him into thinking the Combine’s the good guys. How will Alyx and Barney save him this time?

.

Love (to) Spoon

Gordon Freeman/Barney Calhoun, Alyx Vance and D0g are there. Barney and Gordon exchange gifts on an average winter day at White Forest.

[y2kvr]

I LEND MY ENERGY TO COOMER, TRAIN AND FIGHT

We’ve almost got him on the ropes!!

Tommy, I know you said you wouldn’t risk curing him, but this might be it!

O-Okay! If it makes you happy, Dr. Coomer!

[hlvrai-dreams]

Hey tommy, arent you gonna introduce forzen to your new friends?

Oh, right!

So- Forzen, these are some friends I made recently! They- they saved me after some Nightmares kidnapped me!

Yo real shit?? Damn. Good on you guys. Where did you go after we got split, anyways?

The Sandy Mesa District!

--Forzen whistles, and Tommy continues.--

Anyway... These two are- are Mr Coomer and Bubby! Bubby hijacked a train and that’s how we- we got to this district! The train got destroyed by nightmares, though.

A pleasure to meet you, Forzen!

You aren’t going to harass me for destruction of property are you?

...

Nah, you seem cool. ‘Sides, it brought Tommy back to me. So I’ll let you off the hook, gramps.

Call me gramps one more time and I’ll set you on fucking fire.

And this is- Mister Gordon Freeman! He was... One of the two that helped fight off the nightmares that had captured me!

Nice to meet you...? 

Likewise. If you managed to fight off a hoarde of Nightmares, you must be pretty tough.

Well- I can’t really take credit for anything during that fight. I kinda just punched one in the face a few times and then got smacked into a cube by a Nightmare Goat.

Benrey’s the one who did pretty much all of the work during that fight.

--Everything goes silent. The air suddenly feels... Tense.--

Did...

Did you say... Benrey?

Benrey was the- the guy who just ran off! He’s an interesting guy. Very strong, too! He- he took out pretty much all the Nightmares that were keeping me captive!

Do you know him, Forzen? I assume you do, I-I mean... He is a Dream Guard, like you. 

...

Oh shit.

[immortalcoelacanth]

HLVRAI Oneshot: Panic

Here I am flicking back through my massive collection of wips and slowly chipping away at them since I have some neat ideas stashed away I want to actually finish and not just leave in limbo for ten thousand years XD

Word count: 3610

Summary: There were only three things that Benrey was truly scared of. The first, skeletons. The second was Gordon hating him. The third…Was the sound of Joshua crying.

Fear.

An emotion Benrey had little to no experience with.

Of course, that did not mean that he never felt fear, but it was rare for something to make him feel afraid. Pain never frightened him due to his natural healing abilities, considered to be more of an annoyance than something bad, nor was he scared of death.

Being able to respawn had its benefits, after all.

It was somewhat ironic that he had only started to feel fear, genuine fear, after sneaking into Black Mesa and taking on the role of being a security guard. In the darkness of those labs he had seen something.

Something that reminded him of why he had fled in the first place. A flashback to the moment he had first felt that heart-stopping, nauseating sense of dread and fear.

Benrey was scared of skeletons. Not just his own in that metaphorical closet, but of those that followed and watched. The ones whose whispered words floated through the air, indecipherable to all but him.

Their promises and threats.

Skeletons never forgot.

… Working at Black Mesa had also brought about more chances for him to interact with the local humans, and not so humans, that he worked with. Most of them were pretty bland, sounding monotonous and bored, but he had managed to make friends with some of the more… explosive, and energetic personalities.

Like Gordon.

His introduction and subsequent interactions with Gordon brought about his second experience with fear. Not that he was scared of the man, despite all the times Gordon had shot at him or threatened him. It was like watching an angry kitten hiss and spit.

Adorable, and not at all threatening.

No, his fear revolved around Gordon hating him. Disliking him, fighting with him, and all those other icky negative feelings. The anger that had taken over the earlier part of their budding friendship had been… painful, to say the least. Every time he interacted with Gordon, he felt scared.

Scared in a way that he had never felt when interacting with others. Scared he would mess up and never be able to fix his mistake. Scared he would hurt Gordon-

And he had.

It was awful feeling such a way, looking back and cringing at how his fear tainted nearly every interaction he had with Gordon. How hard he had pushed for friendship, for companionship, without really conveying his intentions or how he felt. It was something he still struggled with, discussing things that seemed obvious to so many people but were confusing, downright alien, to him.

But, in the end, everything had worked out alright and he had managed to apologize for the pain he had caused and what he had done, and Gordon had apologized as well. A welcome surprise that helped set their relationship down a more positive path, even if that fear still lurked in the back of his mind.

Fortunately, Gordon was there to reassure him and help work through any problems.

His third source of fear, funnily enough, involved Gordon’s son, Joshua.

Joshua Freeman.

Like his father, Benrey was not scared of the young boy. In all actuality, he cared about him immensely. Little Joshie was a bro, a cool cat, and the second human Benrey had found himself truly caring for. They were not quite family, but those protective instincts were there.

The want to keep Joshua safe, to make sure he was happy and healthy no matter what.

Which was why Benrey was so, very scared.

Kids were small, fragile, and that made it all the easier for them to get hurt, or die. Plus some kids could be downright nasty to their peers, something Benrey had learned about first hand when the school had contacted Gordon about a situation. Things were fine now, but the immense amount of dread and worry, the fear, that had filled Benrey upon learning about what happened had been… something, to say the least.

Gordon needed to fix a total of four, thankfully small, holes in the ceiling afterwards.

It would not be correct to say that Benrey hovered over Joshua as his protective feelings culminated in a sort of awareness. He did not hover, but he was aware of the young boy, aware of where he was and what he was doing. There were times where he was even aware of Joshua’s heartbeat.

Something that helped quite a bit when Benrey was awake and Joshua was caught in a nightmare.

Funnily enough, these traits made Benrey the perfect fit for acting as a sort of babysitter when Gordon had to go out and leave Joshua at home. Since the boy already had a slight grasp on how to take care of himself, such as making sandwiches with leftovers and how to clean up after himself, it made the whole “watching over the kid and keeping him from dying” significantly easier.

… Granted, Benrey still had to take a crash course on what not to do when taking care of human kids.

Accidental toxin consumption, drowning in a tub, tripping and cracking their head on something-

Kids were just so. Damn. Fragile.

Fear, fear, and more fear. The fear that something would happen to Joshua when he was not paying attention. The fear of what might happen, the dozens of possible situations. Fires and explosions, and sudden earthquakes-

Babysitting was a bit of a challenge for Benrey, to say the least.

Fortunately, Joshua was a pretty responsible kid with a good head on his shoulders, and while there was the occasional mishap that would occur, it was never anything too serious.

… Until now, that is.

Things had been going smoothly, Joshua and Benrey were gaming together while Gordon was out with Shea completing whatever important information thingy they needed to do. Benrey knew that it involved Joshua in some regard, something involving his sleep therapist? Maybe? Whatever it was, the young boy had not expressed an interest in going, so it had been decided that Benrey would watch over him until Gordon came back.

A simple plan that was easy to execute. Just make sure Joshie ate, did his homework, and didn’t get too bored.

Simple, that is, until Benrey heard the sounds of Joshua crying in another room.

He immediately jumped up out of the chair he had been seated in and sprinted towards where the sounds were coming from. He quickly noted that the crying was coming from Joshua’s room, and without hesitating he ran inside.

There he found the young boy seated on the carpeted floor, one leg bent and tucked up against his chest while his arms were tightly wrapped around it. His hands were clasped tightly over his wounded knee and his head, which had previously been facing the ground, snapped up to stare at Benrey.

Tears were already falling out of the corner of Joshie’s eyes. It made him cringe at the sight, discomfort building up within him.

“it’s gonna be okay, joshie bro.” Benrey soothed as he crouched down in front of the crying boy, looking him in the eye while sending him what he hoped was a reassuring smile that conveyed none of his worries. “gonna get you fixed up lickity split.”

Okay, Joshie was hurt, but Gordon had given him an overview on how to fix cuts and scrapes. First he had to check it out, then he had to clean it, and then slap a bandaid or some other bandage on it depending on the size. Easy problem, easy fix-

Benrey’s train of thought came to an abrupt halt as his eyes landed on the boy’s scraped knee, fixating on the droplets of blood that were slowly budding up with the occasional droplet rolling down and leaving a streak of crimson in its wake.

Blood, blood-

Gordon, hunched over and full of panic, of fear. Eyes wide in the gloom as the soldiers manhandled him, pinning him in place. His struggling.

His pleading.

His screaming as the blade dug into his arm, blood spurting out of the freshly made wound. The stench of copper permeating the air.

Tommy desperately trying to get to Gordon, Coomer holding the other man back before he got hurt.

The cracking sound of bone breaking.

Gordon dropping to the ground, screams reaching a pitch higher than Benrey thought possible.

An arm, discarded, as the pool of blood around the nearly unconscious man grew.

It was all his fault-

Unbeknownst to Benrey, Joshua had quickly picked up on the change in his mood. He sniffled, wiped his eyes once more, and took stock of the situation. Benrey definitely looked upset, and was still staring at his knee.

First he stood up, wincing as a sharp sting of pain jolted through his knee, but he ignored it in favour of focusing on Benrey. The man’s breathing was quick and raspy, his skin pale, and it looked like he was sweating. He seemed to be staring at some very far away, trembling the entire time.

It reminded Joshua of something his father had gone through, a panic attack. He knew his dad took medication for it sometimes, but he knew it would be a bad idea to give Benrey some.

You never, ever gave someone medication that did not belong to them. An important lesson both his parents had instilled in him.

Fortunately, his dad has also been taught different things that would help calm him down, which he had then passed on to Joshua. Surprisingly enough, the young boy found them to be useful when he was feeling quite anxious, so if they helped him and helped his dad, then it made sense that maybe those methods would help Benrey too!

But before he could help Benrey, he needed to help himself and fix whatever had caused the man to panic so bad in the first place. Maybe then he would start to calm down and feel better. With a plan in mind, Joshua nodded to himself and rushed to the bathroom where he knew the first aid kit was kept, wanting to be away from Benrey for as little time as possible.

After scrubbing off the bit of blood that was still staining his skin with some warm water, and wincing a bit from the friction, he quickly dried his knee off and placed a bandaid over the wound. Now it was all covered up and fixed!

And hopefully would not cause Benrey to get worse…

Joshua rushed back to his room, Benrey thankfully still in the same spot and just as out of it as he was before. A determined look crossed the young boy’s face as he swiftly got to work. Carefully grabbing the man’s arm, Joshua shook the limb to see if he could snap him out of his panicked state this way.

“Benrey? You okay?”

Nothing. No response.

Dejection set in for a moment before Joshua brushed his feelings to the side, focusing on continuing with his next plan. Still holding onto Benrey’s arm, he started trying to pull the man towards his bed. Of course, there were several problems with this plan, like the fact that Joshua lacked the real strength to move the catatonic man, but to his surprise, his actions garnered a response.

Granted, it was only Benrey looking at him, eyes still blank and breathing uneasy, but it was something!

Joshua smiled at the progress and got to work on trying to get him to move. It took some time, and careful maneuvering combined with some soft-spoken suggestions, but eventually he was able to achieve his goal.

Once Benrey was finally settled on his bed, Joshua got to work doing what he could to help him feel comfortable. A weighted blanket was placed on his shoulders and a stuffed animal was placed in his arms, Benrey instinctively tightly holding onto the toy and rubbing the soft, warm fur.

Slowly but surely, Benrey started to calm down. First, his breathing began to slow, returning to a more normal pace, and then the trembling eventually came to a halt. Encouraged by these hopeful changes, Joshua stayed glued to his side, softly humming under his breath as he kicked his legs.

He would wait for Benrey, no matter how long it took.

Fortunately, the man was slowly roused from his frightened state, awareness returning to him. His eyes opened and he blinked slowly, as if he was just waking up from a dream, before glancing at the worried boy beside him. Benrey mumbled, voice strangely quiet and weak.

“joshie?”

“Mhm?” Joshua paused in the kicking of his legs in order to look up at the man, eyes wide and full of worry. “You feeling better, Benrey?”

“... yeah.” He replied after thinking about how best to respond. “thanks for… uh, helping me out and stuff. real pro gamer move.”

Joshua beamed at his words, mood brightening in an instant, and he opened his mouth to ask if the man needed anything. However, before he could start speaking, Benrey continued his train of thought.

“you... you shouldn’t have to… deal with this. with me. i’m sorry.” He mumbled as he huddled up in the blanket, hiding his face from view. He felt…

Like a disappointment, pathetic he had forced Joshua to deal with his problem, sad to know that the boy had seen him in such a state, angry with himself-

Bad.

He felt really, really bad.

Benrey was snapped out of his mental torment by the sensation of someone touching his knee. He jolted and looked back at Joshua, easily noticing how much more concerned the boy had gotten in response to his silence.

He winced.

He didn’t want to make Joshie feel bad, too.

Then again, that was practically his specialty at this point. Making people feel bad. How many times had he made Gordon rage, shout and curse, or breakdown due to his shenanigans. How many times had he felt Tommy’s silent disappointment and the weight of the team pressing down upon him.

How many times would he make Joshie feel bad-

“oof!” The sudden weight against his side knocked both those thoughts from Benrey’s mind, as well as the air from his lungs. He wheezed softly as he instinctively wrapped an arm around Joshua.

Joshua, who had in a moment of brilliance, decided to fling himself at the man in order to hug him.

“Don’t think sad things.” Joshua insisted as he buried his face into Benrey’s shoulder.

“i’m not-” Benrey started to object before the boy continued speaking.

“You are sad! Dad gets the same look on his face when he thinks about sad stuff.” The boy huffed, clinging tightly to Benrey. “Like… when he and mom first split up, he always looked so sad. Like he had done something bad and felt guilty.”

Well, this conversation had taken quite the accidental, serious turn. Rarely had he ever heard Joshua talk about the divorce, same with Gordon and Shea. From what he knew the family had managed to cope quite well with the two adults separating, but dramatic shows about breakups, the law, and hospitals, had shown him that humans generally did not feel good after such a thing, and the last thing he wanted was for Joshua to linger and think about potentially bad stuff. Time to talk and change topics, even if he did not want to.   

“i... i’m supposed to-to watch over you and stuff. keep you safe, but… but i didn’t. that’s bad.”

“But it’s not your fault! You didn’t do anything bad!” Joshua objected, backing up a bit so he could look Benrey in the eye, despite the man doing his best to avoid eye contact. His fingers dug deeply into the plushie, and his breathing grew faster.

He messed up, he messed up, he messed up-

Seeing that the conversation was going to go nowhere with Benrey getting all panicked, the young boy decided it would be best to stay quiet for now and help him relax. The last thing he wanted was for Benrey to feel sad or guilty, he had seen enough of that when his father and mother apologized to him for their separation, and it always made Joshua feel weird.

Nothing bad was happening to him, if anything it was nice to see his parents become happier, to see them less stressed. He wanted Benrey to be happy, for him to never have to go through a panic attack like that again.

But… that also meant he would need help that Joshua could not provide. He needed the stuff that helped his dad, adult things he knew little about, but hopefully his dad would know something about how to help.

As Benrey slowly calmed down from his second panic attack, Joshua spoke up once more, wanting to talk about one last thing before he left the man alone to rest and recover.

“Benrey… can I tell dad about what happened?”  

The question made Benrey immediately cringe in discomfort, ducking his head and hiding himself under more of the blanket until only his glowing eyes were visible.

“you... uh, you gotta do that?”

“Dad knows more about this kinda stuff, so he’d be able to help!”

Help…? With… whatever that was? With his fears? The thought of such a thing was unsettling to say the least. In all his years, Benrey had never actively sought out help, his interactions with Gordon being outliers of course.

What would being helped entail, anyways? Would Gordon try to get him to go to therapy, something that would never, ever truly be able to help him, or would the physicist push him to find help from other sources.

“you sure you wanna bother feetman about this?” Benrey asked, wanting to both distract himself from the darker thoughts lurking in the back of his mind, and out of genuine curiosity. “you... you really wanna help? why?”

“Because I don’t want you to feel bad, and dad doesn’t either.” Joshua replied, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re important to us, you’re dad’s gamer boyfriend! And my… uh, I’m not sure, but you’re still family, and family helps family!”

“... joshie, bro, you-you’re breaking my heart, my man.” Benrey mumbled as he sent the boy a shaky smile. He still felt fairly drained from his two panic attacks, especially since he could feel the lingering dread and fear, but he did his best to push it to the side for now.

Later, he could deal with it later.

… Hopefully with Gordon.

“So that’s a yes?”

“yuuuuuuup, it’s a pog-ya.” The man grinned as he reached out to ruffle the boy’s hair. “you... you did good joshie, real good, with the uhhhhhhh helping and stuff. emotions are bleck, super unpoggers.”

Eyes full of love and support, Joshua leaned forward and hugged Benrey. “It’s okay to not be okay. Dad says it’s healthy to cry when you feel really sad and to ask for help when you need it.”

“... feetman’s got a point sometimes.” He was unable to fully suppress the tears that quickly built up in the corners of his eyes, the words hitting home for some strange reason.

It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to ask for help.

It’s okay to cry.

A string of dull sweet voice escaped Benrey, and Joshua hugged him even tighter. This was the worst time to be having such an emotional revelation, but then again he supposed there was no good time to contemplate facing such a vulnerable part of him, to think about addressing his fears and emotions.

Emotions he had tried so hard to suppress, to hide, but always bubbled up and hurt him in the end.

You couldn’t run from your own shadow, after all.

“know when feetman’s gonna be back?” He asked as he let out a quiet sigh, more of that dull sweet voice filling the air. He felt so tired, so drained. All he wanted was to take a nap and wake up in twenty years.

… Not that he could, of course. Too many games to play and too many special moments between him, Joshie, and Gordon he would miss.

“Nope.” Joshua replied while shaking his head. “Want me to stay?”

Damn this kid could be so observant.

“... can if you wanna.” Benrey muttered while flopping onto his side and hiding himself more under the blanket, making the signature benrrito they all knew and loved.

Rather than verbally respond, Joshua just scooted over a bit so he was leaning against Benrey’s back. After cuddling up to the exhausted man, he started humming.

The tune was simple, soft, and definitely from some Sonic game that Benrey could not identify at the moment. It was one of the older ones, that was for sure, older in the context of the series’ lifespan rather than actual age, and it helped him calm down further.

Slowly, his eyes began to shut and his breathing evened out. The tension that had gripped his body faded, and the chill that had taken over him began to fade due to the warmth of the blanket combined with Joshua’s presence.

He was still scared. Scared of his reaction to the bl-

…

The red stuff that was definitely not cherry sauce, and he was scared of what that reaction meant. He was scared to think about such things, things he had never contemplated before.

Scared to confront what he had ignored for so long. But, even with this fear, he would try.

It’s okay to ask for help.

He would try. Try for Joshua, for Gordon, and just maybe for himself, too.

                                          xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

God, every character I write needs therapy XD

I hope you all enjoyed reading!

- ImmortalCoelacanth