#trauma is sooooooo fun guys

[awacatin]

every now and then we must remember Jon would rip statements out of ppl, thats like sooooooo👌it's an important fact for us, dark Jon enjoyers. He should've fed more. He should've gotten a bit insane. Have fun. Fun times w Mr jon. Well deserved thriving. Keep beloved Mr sims healthy as a horse. Eating his veggies. A treat. Dessert forever for jon. Who cares if ppl relived their trauma, my boy was hungry. Poor guy was in a coma, he deserves a snack. Plenty snacks. As many as the chikibeibi desires. Enrichment for his environment. Keep him strong. Helen traps ppl in her corridors and puts Jon inside as well, so he can play hide and seek and slurp statements when he finds people. Like a fun little maze for your cute little Archivist. Entertainment, keep him busy.

[cescalr]

New tag game: list ten of your childhood ships!

tagged by @babybeale <3... forever ago. Uh. Whoops!

[I will also state my current feelings regarding the ship, and I'll go into as little or as much detail as I feel like <3 I'm also. I have a sieve brain. I'm trying to remember what the fuck it was I shipped as a kid lmao. Anything I shipped, say, pre 2016, I think should count? ftr that means I was 14 or under when I shipped it.]

Nina/Fabian, from House of Anubis;

They're still cute. Better than what they pulled in the last season ;-; fabian and mara...... why...........

2. Sam and Freddie, from iCarly;

This show was just. Not good at writing romance. At all. It was bad at it. But I am very smart and know better than them (/joke) so I could do seddie justice. Er. Maybe trying to do that right now, actually. Shh.

[also, friend; jade and beck is so complicated, you're right. A fun mess, but still a mess lmao. Me and my rarepairs was always a fan of stuff that never ended up being canon though. Might as well put it next, I guess? Looking at your 3.... when it comes to icarly; we could not possibly have had more different opinions on the matter <3 lmao]

3. Tori Vega / André Harris;

I haven't watched it in years so I do not remember why! But I do remember that I did. I think. Don't - don't quote me on anything ever.

4. Willoz - from buffy the vampire slayer;

No gifs for them :( :( :( love them still so very much <3

5. Honestly, I'd steal your number 5 bestie, 6Teen was great. In the spirit of obscure animated TV shows, though - and It's been so damn long I forgot the names of some characters, had to look up the guy's name, lol - Zero and Vin from The Invisible Network of Kids. It left a profound impact on my psyche because they did something really fucked up in the last episode, plus left us on a cliffhanger, and then the show got cancelled </3 rip. Haven't watched it in a decade or so. No idea if it holds up, but I was super invested in these kids doing spy work and experiencing insane levels of trauma that would be ignored come each new episode </3. I was literally 8 years old <3. It has a TV tropes page and the entire show is availible on the Internet Archive, of all places, sooooooo I may browse. For nostalgia's sake. There are literally zero gifs available for this one, because. I mean. No shit.

7. Didn't watch any of that continuity - only got so far as Tracey Beaker Returns... alas. Anyway, my pic for 7..... hm. Sigh.

Stiles/Lydia, Teen Wolf.

This ^ is NOT romantic! she slams her mouth onto his in the middle of a panic attack. Babe. No. No. Regardless; I don't like it </3. They really. Oh god they really fucked up this one. Like a lot. Plus, they both just ended up with much better canon ships (stalia, marrish) that then got shafted for this mess to be the endgame and then the movie breaks them up anyway!!! OFFSCREEN!!!! they didn't even last 2 weeks!!!! fuck!!!!!!!! I don't like them. But I used to. Playlist, for proof. I feel like this counts, because I shipped them when I first watched the show as it aired (I was 10 when the show started), but I did still ship the pairing until well into my teens (16 or so) before I wised up (the show made them very bad in a really boring way. Not that they weren't bad before. Love how they both do things that are otherwise reprehensible but the show frames them as romantic for some fucking reason </3 I was like 13 when I saw this kiss on screen. They're lucky I did research and didn't just take it at face value or I could've gotten some really bad ideas about what's healthy in a situation like this!).

8. Zikki (Zane/Rikki), H20: Just Add Water;

Season 3 does not exist <3 [also, the way they wrote the 'cheating' plotline was fucked up. That woman planted one on him!!! he did not consent!!! Why are we supposed to be blaming him for being sexually harassed in the workplace!!! No!!!]. Still ship them fr fr.

8. maf;lkasjd;f yeahhh. Think if you watched friends as a kid, it was inevitable you'd ship rosschel, the damn thing was pushed so hard. Stand in regretful solidarity;

For really obvious reasons (being that it is rosschel); hot damn no I do not!

9. Harry and Ginny, Harry Potter.

Ignoring the horrendous movie adaptation, when I read the hp books I basically just defaulted to shipping whatever was canon. Luckily for me, the canon hp ships are actually pretty good ones! If you ignore the canaries in the room. (I. Do not. Famously. Well. Infamously.) As for Hinny, whilst its a garbage ship name, the pairing itself is pretty great <3

10. kaljdflkasdt thank god I don't remember jack shit about watching glee for the first time! the sieve brain is a blessing in this one occasion. I've already mentioned in another (tagged <3) post my vaguely-relevant hsm ships, though, so..... hmm. What should I pick.... let's think.... I'm kidding. I don't need to think.

Shoker is a major missed opportunity in ME, and I've been mad about the choices for my fem!shep for YEARS because. Look. Kaiden she did not cheat on you. You left!! You accused her of being evil and fucked off after she was resurrected!! what else was she supposed to think other than 'guess he doesn't want to date me anymore. Rude.' And. You could have sex with Jack but not romance her, that was locked to male characters >:| biphobia [Jack can have sexual relations with women, but her only real connections are to men. Rude!]. And, Liara in my games always turned herself down for romance because she assumed my shep wanted to date Kaiden because she's not a total dick to him and there's no way for me to clarify otherwise, also people making assumptions :/ not great. Plus Li becomes the shadow broker and it's a whole thing, so that doesn't really work out narratively for me anyway. Can't romance Miranda. Can't romance Tali (wouldn't anyway - Tali/Garrus <3). Refuse to romance Garrus that is just so platonic a dynamic it's not even funny. Jacob cheats and dips, so fuck him. Like... all of the fem!shep romances are terrible (or Trainor, I guess, but she's... kind of. Nobody. She's Just There. Sorry. It's not narratively interesting enough for me.) and Joker was right there and augh. Augh! Still ship. Still mad about it. Hatboy Project is doing the lord's work! I salute thee soldier in thine endeavours. Waiting to replay LE until it's been finished <3.

<3

If anyone wants to pick this up, go for it!

[cosmictapestry]

five things you’ll find in my fics

i twas tagged by @mari-wrongway to attempt self-reflection and possibly die in the process

mental illness, specifically mental illness Associated With Trauma, specifically trauma Associated With Superpowers. i love this i think it is fascinating it is Fun for me and also it makes me very sad. i think the horror and the love and the compassion and the terror should all coalesce to make you go Ouch. i think the thing that makes you different/important/Special is more often than not a curse and that it’s fun to explore that. can i please get some cheers from the Insane girlies

kind of sharp, snappy language? i don’t like to slow down the narrative too much even with more verbose characters like lucienne. i get antsy about this actually if i’m reading through and Individual Words are fucking with the pace y’know. for erotica i try to let the prose get really disjointed like, it’s just base sensory input, the heat of the moment stealing all the finesse from the narration. i also use some pretty blunt, perhaps uncharacteristic language, but that’s because it’s what’s Sexy, okay.

i focus a lot on body language, especially stuff with hands and facial expressions and posture. when i write i’m, like, watching the scene in my head? and i guess that’s what i pay most attention to in conversations. if you notice me using the same fucking adjectives every two seconds no you don’t. i can get away with that in porn though there’s only so many sexy words. also i’m just…… not good at writing Things Happening and i don’t especially care to write Things Happening because Things Happen plenty in the source material i just want everybody to sit down and Talk about the Things That Have Happened. now that i say this though a whole bunch of shit happened in “i want to be well” huh? i am an unreliable narrator

dialogue is The Most Important Part to me. i THINK but i’m not CERTAIN that i have a bad habit of making characters talk like me? sometimes? in cadence and in word choice and in humor. i think. but also i’m just simply trying to make characters talk and act Like Real People and i am ostensibly a real person so. matthew’s dialogue in particular is so easy for me to write because i just decided to let him sound like me irl. based of me if i do say so myself. also i KNOW people get on me about making dream too open/nice/agreeable but i stand by literally everything i’ve ever had him say.

relationships that are very old and very deep and that are fundamental aspects of characters’ identities. i really don’t like... care, especially, about meet-cutes or whatever. i care about when two people are so Part Of Each Other that severing them is severing a major artery like <3 lol <3 and obviously this goes for familial relationships romantic relationships fraternal relationships i really don’t care as long as it’s Interesting. this is what was SO fucking funny to me about “i want to be well” because i do not care about klave. so it’s listed as a klave fic with like the least klave focus imaginable. anyway. i love love i love empathy i love Understanding and Accepting and i love when it can lead to healing and i also love when it can’t :)

@aboxthecolourofheartache @the-everqueen @pratchettfan87 @ anyone else i interact with who i can’t remember if you write or not i’m so sorry,,, you guys want to do this sooooooo bad

[its-inevitable-lupe]

Fucking kissing stupid people, fuxking ruining shit. Fucking can’t talk to s. And both her best friends were in the club that Friday for latin night. And one I greeted and all and the other idk well. But I know. Something something. The cousins friend flirted with me Friday and that one um yes cute. The cousin I kiss, the other cousin was being too much too when he has a gf well now over. And the 3rd cousin who likes me and acts different everytime he drinks now and went last night and a fucking mess sleeping in the car and stayed the time there while at the club. The good thing he didn’t come Friday but ruin today. My friend tire pop. Her driving a mess. But all want to come for me. The other guy that went was chill. I got fucking drunk and getting shots. And one gave me a free one. And I was all over guys as usual. If I wasn’t with them I would be even worst because they hold me back and just babysitting me… so pathetic I am. And I do not know who I became or maybe this has been all the time but I was just depress affffffffff to really be this me. My friend I did so fucking wrong last night.. she came but went to a different club and I went to another one. She had no service and my stupid self should of gone…. I hate myself. I drunk texting her and it was just Jdbdkdnd fuck. She said I betray her and shit. I felt so bad now. Idk what to do. How to make it up. We were going to this other club to meet these others.!but fuck… plus we were late because this friend and her bringing this dude just to be drunk passed out. I drink soooo fucking much… that I do not get any hangovers… it doesn’t affect me… I drink so much. I need a break. I need you. Just you. Because these other two… one I can’t because she’s above me and the other is just huh. So nada. And these guys are just guys…. And manyyyyyyy…. Maybe 30 guys who liked me since you don’t want me, since you don’t choose me. Since you don’t forgive me.. since you don’t give me one chance….. one….. and I would leave it all behind. Just.. for you. And yes I am the biggest idiot in the world. You would cheat for me and practically you have…and idk dude. Do you know who I use to be when we met??? Because you I don’t know of your life but you seem the same to me and that girl talking to me. I miss you. And these people think I want them but they do not know about you. And maybe I’m having fun. Maybe I’m just enjoying my time. Maybe that’s all… just in the meantime.. I’m killing time so I see you soon??! Or maybe I’m so stupidly blind and bonded to you without reason. The trauma… the comfort.. I have no idea. But you fuck my world up. Even when I do not think of you… bitch you stay there. I don’t think of you in clubs or drinking but boom sober… boom.. and if we weren’t unblock and if I stay updated with your life maybe I would be drunk calling it saying things. Maybe we would be doing it every single night. Maybe I’m addicted to the only love I felt. You are what love is. You are what I wanted .. I fucked uo the whole thing. I know. I wasn’t honest. I was not loyal. Well yes but no. I was trash… but I change and turn my whole life around for you. How many people in this lifetime will feel all this for you? Zeroooooooooooo….. and even if I don’t know who you were or are or anything of your life. I know I’m sooooooo in it with you. And I feel that you settle with whomever you’re with because if we were together and actually had lots of chemistry and feelings physically then we would of been together for all these years. Stop being hard on us and the past……… we were far away… and sad. Trying to create love.. but you did that.

[phoenixyfriend]

That One Fucked-Up Rexwalker AU

OKAY so people showed interest in this! Cool! This is... actually you know what, yeah, this falls into dead dove territory. It's kind of angst with a happy ending? At the very least it's hurt/comfort.

Warnings: rape as psychological torture by an enemy party, later dubious consent by parties that are at least trying to make it consensual but the situation makes it difficult to navigate

This was inspired partially by the first chapter of this collection by @the-writing-mill, which features Obi-Wan getting absolutely railed by a fucking machine set up by droids who don't understand consent. I got to thinking about the set-up and slid sideways into a slightly different context.

So Anakin, in all his shitty luck, gets captured, as one does. Whoever captures him has strict instructions to avoid physically damaging him or permanently fucking up his connection to the Force, because they'd like to use him as a weapon eventually, but to play around with his psychological damage in whatever way suits.

We'll say it's Ventress, who vastly prefers horrifying physical damage for torture, or killing/hurting people's loved ones in front of them, and now has to get creative to deal with Skywalker, because for whatever reason, she only managed to get Anakin and not any of his friends.

Obviously, Palpatine is the one saying 'don't damage the good.' She doesn't know that, though, just that Dooku said His Sith Master said to leave Skywalker intact for later.

So the easy route to psychological damage is, well, rape. But she's not into him, and there aren't really any other sentients in her little torture castle, but last she checked Skywalker is really needy? She's picked up on the fact that this guy really loves Having people.

She handles it: strip him down, strap him down, and get a fucking machine involved. Naked and cold and with a pipe leaking from the ceiling. Let a protocol droid keep an eye on things so he doesn't have some kind of permanent physical damage, but basically just have him unceasingly fucked for like a week, sometimes edging and sometimes forcing and sometimes just really digging into the oversensitivity, whether he's awake or asleep or what. Nothing but air and metal, and sometimes Ventress when she comes by to taunt him. There's magic involved to up his sexual craving without making it any easier on him.

It's fucked up but he does get saved! Eventually!

Ventress did her job, didn't enjoy it, and doesn't care that he's gone. She has people to kill, okay, she's bored.

So, you know, Anakin needs time to recover. He doesn't try to argue that he doesn't, at least partly because he's having trouble standing. He'll be fine! Stop worrying, guys! It's fine!

It's not fine, everyone tells him, because that was fucked!

It takes a while to get back to Coruscant. It's normally a few days, but there's a disruption on the hyperlane they'd use, sooooooo they're stuck.

Anakin tries to make some calls to Padme. When the calls connect, she helps. Obi-Wan was part of the rescue team, so he's there to do what he can, but Anakin keeps flinching away. Ahsoka is helpful because Anakin's hindbrain reads her as Not A Threat, but nobody's telling her what kind of torture Anakin was dealing with, because she's Designated Baby.

Anakin is alternately overwhelmed by physical touch and craving it, and the fact that he just got the Force back isn't helping.

(It later comes to light that the reason he flinches from Obi-Wan and Ahsoka is because they've got the Force and a person with the Force approaching for that week meant Ventress, and that's--not great. And it's just a LOT and REALLY BRIGHT after his time in the Force-nullifying cuffs.)

So Anakin spends a lot of time alone, craving people while being deeply unnerved by the ones he's most able to ask for that sort of thing (his master and padawan). Rex is one of a handful of clones that volunteer to check in on Anakin until they get to Coruscant. He's not the only one who walks in on Anakin shifting uncomfortably and looking red in the face, but he's the one that actually asks about it.

Anakin, with some prodding, does not admit to the problem. He does, however, admit to a different problem, and asks if Rex would be okay with a hug, or maybe putting an arm around Anakin's shoulder, or--actually, no, this is stupid, forget he said anythi-- Rex sits down next to him and pulls Anakin into his side and just lets Anakin relax into him.

Anakin starts shivering. Shuddering. Crying, after a while. Rex lets it happen and tries not to panic, just rubs an hand up and down Anakin's arm.

They don't really talk about it, but Anakin does end up cuddling with Rex for a few hours a day while they try to get everyone home, and Anakin's kind of on enforced medical leave, so he can't really help until Obi-Wan comes up with a solution that gives Anakin a job directly.

Rex finally gets an answer to why Anakin keeps looking uncomfortable and close to tears but embarrassed about it. He doesn't, for the record, press for that answer. Instead, he accidentally walks in on Anakin three fingers deep in his own ass and whining into his pillow.

Which is. Awkward.

Obviously.

Turns out whatever Ventress did to him has him feeling incredibly empty without something to plug him up! It sucks! He hates it! He's been trying very hard not to submit to this need, but it's still there and he needs to be filled up and just snapped and had to do something about it!

This is, as you can imagine, not a comfortable conversation for anyone, but Rex tries to cheer him up with "Well, Jedi have stipends, right? You can probably find, uh, a toy, right? Once we're back on Coruscant? Or the Senator...?"

Anakin doesn't want Padme to know.

Anakin is also near tears but that's. Well. Rex is used to that by now.

(Anakin isn't using shipboard fabricators to make a dildo or plug because have fun explaining that on the expense report!)

So Rex is in this awkward position of having to comfort his recently-more-traumatized-than-before superior officer, whom he just walked in on furiously and tearfully masturbating due to said trauma...

And Rex is pretty much just like "Dude, please call your wife and have her talk you through the... whole... thing... I'm just, I think you'd probably feel less upset about having to fill yourself or whatever if she was talking you through it?"

They drop the subject for a bit, but Anakin is still Fucked Up in many ways, including new and exciting ones, and it turns out he hasn't been sleeping! And only sleeps if there's someone he trusts nearby!

So obviously Rex volunteers because fuck it, it's not like there's anything about his General he hasn't seen yet, right? So, yeah! Sleepy cuddles! Intended to be platonic!

Rex wakes up hard and flushed and with a very much still asleep Anakin grinding his ass against Rex's crotch.

Which, under significantly different circumstances, he'd not be upset by... But given literally everything going on, um. No?

Rex has no idea what to do, so he just kind of lays there and tries to shift away so his back is pressed to the wall and Anakin isn't accidentally trying to fuck himself in his sleep. Which works.

For about fifteen minutes.

And then Anakin is whining and shuffling back and Rex just tries to wake him up like Dude, You Don't Actually Want This, You Told Me You Don't Want This

And they separate and avoid each other and shower, and Rex leaves to go do Things while Anakin continues to try to meditate away what trauma he can before they get back to Coruscant for extremely long mandated therapy.

Rex shows up that evening to cuddle again, but Anakin tries to turn him away because He Can't Be Sexually Assualting His Friends In His Sleep, so he should honestly just sleep alone, right? Right, okay, bye Rex, Anakin is so sorry about this morning--

And Rex interrupts that he's not actually upset about it, he's just upset about Anakin being in this position, and Anakin doesn't actually want Rex so that's kind of upsetting, and Rex would be very open to this later after the war when they're not in a position to fuck up their entire legion with a change in dynamics--

And this goes back and forth for a bit before Rex realizes that Anakin does actually want him, and did before this whole Situation happened, and Anakin realizes that Rex is interested in him and NOT just trying to 'do his duty for his Jedi' or whatever.

And anyway, it turns into some very sweet lovemaking every night where Anakin gets to fall asleep with a cock in his ass, filled with cum, with Padme's blessing, until they get to Coruscant and he can find a plug for the nights they're not together (and also some therapy).

When Obi-Wan finds out they're fucking, he's actually furious and ALSO unsure of which one's taking advantage of the other.

Initially assumes Rex is taking advantage of Anakin's recent emotional traumas. Anakin protests that he asked Rex for this, and Obi-Wan is asking in horror if Anakin ordered one of the soldier under his command to do this, and it all just kind of goes very poorly.

Everyone means well. Nobody really succeeds at it.

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

I think I've grown enough now as a person that I can, maybe, sit down my parents at some point and talk about my childhood and school years. and how that time was so very fucking hard for me and looking back, yes I'm a little upset that they didn't notice.

I had friends in primary school and I'd invite them round or go round their houses frequently. Clearly I was a social child who enjoyed hanging out with other people in real space, who even liked things like going outside to exercise with friends. These are all things I did regularly in primary school, usually unsupervised.

But come high school and age 11, 12 maybe - all that stopped, cus I didn't have friends anymore. All my socialising after school stopped- or rather? moved online.

My mum used to give me such a hard time for being on my computer all the time as a teenager. Maybe it was too hard for me to explain that the reason I was sticking to the computer so much was because all my friends were in there.

I couldn't go out to hang with my friends because for a solid several years, I simply didn't have any that were close enough. Nobody at school liked me, really. I was spending most of my time at school waiting for it to be over.

I understand that if you're parenting two young teens and one of them is showing that they're very good at just sitting in their room quietly and that's actually what seems to be their preferred activity, it's hard to

1. see it as a problem,

2. do something about it,

also cus I was and am stubborn and struggle to ask for help and I've gotten sooooooo much better at this lately but as a teenager? no fucking chance you'd catch me ever asking for help. I was navigating the world the only way I knew how, which is to seek out friends and have fun with them, and for a long time online was the only place I could do that.

(So painful to remember and think about. I was the sweetest little kid all I wanted was to have friends. I didn't deserve the hell that high school put me through! I didn't deserve it one bit!)

I was & am disabled (arguably more so then than now, I have good coping skills and have structured my life to suit me, but at school I was just thrown about with very little idea of what was going on, or what would make it better) and I kinda wish my parents had recognised that even just a little bit

(But then they're both likely neurodivergent so I guess it was a bit of the old 'but everyone struggles with this' and 'this kid is like us and we are fine so they will be fine' not to mention that my parents both have their trauma and are on some levels Not Fine but let's not go into this too much)

It's gonna be so hard to talk about cus it'll bring out a lot of my mums internalised ableism and I don't really know what exactly I want out of this conversation. Maybe I just need them to know what was going on with me then, and what's going on with me now. Maybe I want to challenge my mum's ableist ideas and get her used to the idea of me as disabled (but still capable). Maybe we need to talk about how she still doesn't trust me as the highest authority on me, despite the fact that my parents and I only talk every couple months at a push. Maybe we need to talk about the fact that I am a very sensitive and highly emotional person and that I won't just "toughen up" like she did and I don't need to and I don't want to. But it would really make our relationship better if she recognised my feelings as part of me, for better or worse, and tried to work with me and my feelings rather than telling me not to have them.

Isn't it beautiful that I finally now feel safe and free enough to fully express my emotions in a way that my mother never could? It's sad, really, for her, so very fucking sad but I don't think my mum wants to be me: she's scared of her emotions, her anger, her grief and sadness and frustration. Probably even the loud, happy ones. Everything is clad in a layer of irony and tough guy act and she hasn't cried since she was 15.

I'm older than she was when she had me and I cry at least once a week on average, much more than that currently. I don't know how not to feel this much and I've had to radically embrace my full spectrum of emotions cus trying to suppress them like I did in school just left me stunted and hollow.

I would much rather feel everything! It makes me feel so alive. And I think that's what I need my mum to understand more than anything. I'm not scared of my emotions anymore so she doesn't have to be either.

[rae-arts777]

Vanilla Bean Chapter 3

It’s up on AO3 but it’s being weird and won’t show me the newest chapter

TW: Sexual Trauma (Unhealthy Coping) (or can be seen as unhealthy coping)

Makoto stared out the window of the car awestruck at LA. Laurent was driving them to their hotel. Laurent looked over at Makoto and chuckled.

“You’re like a kid in a candy store”

“Hey can you blame me? I never left Japan! And do not get me started on the plane ride! That was so cool!”

Laurent just smiled and continued to drive.

They sat in a traffic jam, Laurent tapping the steering wheel sighing “of course...stupid LA traffic”

Makoto yawned and looked over at Laurent “I’m bored.”

“We’ll be there soon enough, take a nap.” Laurent glanced over a bit at Makoto’s figure.

Makoto was in a tank top, but started to complain about being cold, so Laurent gave him his jacket. He stared at how cute his jacket looked baggy on Makoto. The way one side slipped off his shoulder. The sleeves covering his hands due to being too long. The middle open, showing his tank top off still..exposing just the right amount of chest.

Laurent held on the gear shift a bit tighter, biting the inside of his cheek. He tried to focus on something else around him.

Makoto noticed the way Laurent tensed up. He smirked and decided to mess with him a bit.

“Hey since we’re stuck here let’s kill the time”

Laurent looked at him, and latched onto the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white seeing the sight in front of him.

Makoto was slipping the jacket off his body, pulling his tank top up a bit “how about I give you a little preview of the service I can provide?”

Laurent bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to make the inside bleed. Trying everything not to get hard right now.

“Plus! I didn’t give you a proper lap dance!” Makoto said playfully and started to crawl over to Laurent’s side.

“Oh wait, hang on!” Laurent laughed nervously, as Makoto practically threw himself over to Laurent’s side giggling.

“Come on!”

The two started to tussle back and forth, Laurent trying to hold it together, while Makoto laughed his ass off seeing how flustered the blonde man was. The car started to rock back and forth while the two continued.

At the hotel, Makoto stepped out of the bedroom wearing a suit.

“I don’t get it, how am I going to perform in this?”

“Trust me, people like it when more clothes are on at the start. Makes them get more excited when you start taking it off.” Cynthia helped him with his makeup. “You remember what to do?”

“Yup, act like the candy is a drug, do a few performances for Cassano and his men, and try to gather as much information as I can.”

“And if things get too much, just find Abby and they’ll help you.”

Makoto nodded and put on the glasses Laurent had given him “okay! Let’s do this!”

Laurent and Makoto walked into Cassano’s manor, Makoto stayed close to Laurent’s side as they were escorted to the pool area where Cassano lounged.

“Eddie!” Laurent greeted him

“What do you want?” Cassano asked.

“Well I’m here to offer you a deal of course!”

While Laurent explained Sakura magic, Makoto started to scan the area. Looking for any exit, if things go south. Working in the club did teach him to always know where all the exits were. Never know when you might have to slip out for whatever reason.

“Sorry, I’m not interested.” Cassano waved Laurent off.

“Well that’s just too bad..I was hoping I could also share with you my new little performer while we discussed deals”

“Performer?”

“Yes! He’s just so eager to put on a show for you. Isn’t that right Vanilla Bean?” Laurent looked at Makoto smiling.

Makoto nodded and pulled down his collar to reveal to Cassano the black collar around his neck, “Please sir…”

The “meeting” was moved inside. Of course Cassano has a stage with a pole in his house. Vanilla Bean walked onto the stage. He squn around the pole, starting to loosen his tie, letting his blazer fall to the ground. As he started to unbutton his white tee, he exposed the leather harness wrapped around his chest.

Some of Cassano’s men started to whistle and cheer. Cassano watched, his eyes traveling up and down Vanilla Bean’s body.

Vanilla Bean started to undo his pants, pulling them down to reveal black latex shorts that clung to his body in the perfect way.

Cassano exhaled sharply, watching as Vanilla Bean started to work his way up the pole spinning.

“Where did you get him?”

“Paid a good amount for him, amazing is he not?”

“I’ll say...smooth skin too..does he do lap dances?”

“Of course” Laurent handed him the candy tin “He likes to be paid in his favorite treat” he winked.

Vanilla Bean slid down the pole getting on his knees, bending over to show his ass off to the crowd. He heard Cassano shake the tin of Sakura Magic, slowly sitting up, turning towards him. With a smile, he made his way to Cassano, his eyes glued to the Sakura Magic.

“You want this?” Cassano asked

Vanilla Bean nodded “please..”

“Earn it.”

Vanilla Bean straddled his lap, dancing to roll his hips against Cassano’s. He smirked internally looking down to see Cassano clearly growing hard.

“Be a good boy and sit on my lap.”

Vanilla Bean sat on his lap, purposely sitting to wear Cassano’s clothed hard dick would feel against his ass.

Cassano grunted a bit trying to hold back moans running his free hand against Vanilla Bean’s exposed skin.

“Good boy.” Cassano popped out one sakura magic, seeing how Vanilla Bean’s eye lit up “ah”

“ahhhhhhh ~” Vanilla Bean opened his mouth, allowing for Cassano to slowly push the drug into his mouth.

Vanilla Bean ate the drug, humming happily. His tongue started to lazily lick and suck at Cassano’s finger that was still his mouth. He made direct eye contact with Cassano as he continued to lick his finger.

Finally Cassano pulled his finger out, Vanilla Bean making a pop noise with his mouth “thank you sir.”

Cassano looked to Laurent “alright, but I want to get a couple more performances from him” he squeezed Vanilla Bean’s ass.

Laurent kept everything in him from screaming. “Of course. My darling Vanilla, be a good boy and go around and entertain some more, the adults are talking now.”

Vanilla Bean nodded and got up, heading away to the rest of Cassano’s men who were eager to get a dance.

After a few rounds and being able to make a few couple hundred as generous donations, Vanilla Bean noticed a man who did not seem to be joining in.

Salazar, Makoto remembered he was Cassano’s personal bodyguard. If they were going to take Cassano down, they'd need him out of the way.

Vanilla Bean made his way to Salazar “Hey” he sat on his lap.

“Not interested.” Salazar said

Vanilla Bean pouted and gave him a look “But I already gave everyone else a little dance, I feel bad leaving you out.”

“It’s sweet but really you don’t have too.”

“Ay salazar!” Cassano yelled at him noticing “don’t be blowing off such a wonderful treat.” he turned Laurent “Your toy do private sessions?”

“He does..”

“Great, Vanilla Bean baby boy, take my boy and show him a good time. Salazar go have fun, that’s an order, go ahead and use one of my bedrooms.” He laughed.

Salazar sighed and got up, leading Vanilla Bean to a bedroom.

Laurent eerily watched the two as they disappeared into the hall.

Upon entering the bedroom, Salazar ripped the blanket off the bed and threw it over Vanilla Bean, “you can stop now. It’s fine” He sat on the bed.

Vanilla Bean pulled the blanket off his head and saw the man there staring at the ground. Well he was cold so he kept the blanket around him.

Makoto made his way to Salazar and sat next to him “Surprise a guy like you doesn’t want a dance” he tried to joke.

“Not my thing.”

“You..work for Cassano.”

“Yeah..I do..” Salazar played one of the rings around his finger.

The two sat there for a while in silence not knowing what to say.

“So...how did you...start doing this?” Salazar asked.

“Doing what?”

“You know…”

“Need to make money someway, plus...Sakura Magic..I….can’t get enough..” Vanilla Bean giggled.

“You’re too young…for this life I mean...addiction is a bad thing..”

“I don’t think I asked for your opinion.”

Salazar shook his head and stared at the ground.

“You sure I can't do anything to make you not so grumpy?” Vanilla Bean asked

“I’m not grumpy”

“You sooooooo are!” He giggled and threw himself on Salazar’s lap and started to poke at his cheek “so grumpy!”

“Stop.”Salazar growled in annoyance.

“grumpy , grumpy, grumpy old man!”

“Ugh!” Salazar grabbed him by the waist, flipping him over his shoulder and down onto the bed, holding him down.

Makoto yelped and froze up, memories on that night in the club….the first time he had sex for money...they started to rush back. He stared at the ceiling feeling dizzy trying to focus on something.

Salazar quickly let go and tried to talk to him “Hey...Hey sorry did I startle you? I’m sorry, you with me? I was just getting you off of me, I wasn’t going to do anything.”

Vanilla Bean grabbed Salazar by the collar, and pulled him down, crashing their lips into each other. Salazar froze in shock, feeling Vanilla Bean shove his tongue through into his mouth.

Salazar tried to control himself….but slowly melted into the kiss.

His hips laided perfectly with Vanilla Beans, Vanilla Bean wrapping his legs around his waist. Their kiss became more sloppy and heated.

Salazar broke the kiss, staring down at the smaller figure in front of him panting.

“Are you okay…?” He asked.

Makoto nodded “sorry..”

“Don’t apologize." Salazar got off of him.

“No wait…!” Vanilla Bean...Makoto felt dizzy..but..they needed to do this.

“Please..I want it..” Vanilla Bean pulled his latex shorts down, fully exposing himself to Salazar.

“Are you sure…?”

“Yes..”

Makoto remembered screaming with pleasure as Salazar thrusted into him. His eyes focused on the ceiling the whole time, clinging to Salazar for dear life. He remembered digging his nails into Salazar's skin. Feeling like if he let go, he would be left behind.

He remembered being held tightly by Salazar, feeling him grunt against him nearing the end. At climax he remembered both of them moaning, and feeling his legs twitch as Salazar pulled out cumming into the condom.

He remembered...white...and then black.

Makoto woke up in the hotel room. How the hell did he get here? He felt sore…Getting up, he quickly darted to the shower, turning it all the way to high heat.

He was in there for 2 hours, just scrubbing seeing his skin turn redder and redder.

Finally he stepped out, his whole skin was...red...no longer smooth.

He changed into some baggy clothes to hide his whole figure. Making his way to the living room. He sat on the couch and stared out the window thinking about what happened last night.

Cynthia sat next to him “hey..”

“Oh hey..”

“You okay?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay…..did he-”

“No..no no no, it was all me..I started it, it’s okay.”

“....is it..” Cynthia looked at him worried.

“Its….fine..”

“Alright..” Cynthia didn’t want to push further “Are you still up for it?”

“Yes I can handle it, don’t worry.”

“Okay..if you need anything I’m here.” She got up and decided to leave him alone.

Makoto stared out the window swimming in his own thoughts.

Why...did he do that?

Makoto focus on his reflection, Vanilla Bean.

“Why did we do it? Because it's our job! Remember? We have to do what we have to. Got it?”

“Got it..” Makoto said.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #471: Fireworks in the Beautiful Night Sky (RWBY)

9:08 p.m. Patch, Outside of Team JNPRO's Residence

Pyrrha: (Amazed at the Fireworks in the Sky While Snuggling Alongside her Lovers) These fireworks..... They've gotten a lot beautiful as of late, hasn't it?

Jaune: (Smiles Softly) Sure is.... It's kinda been a while since any of us sre them.

Pyrrha: Wait....(Turns to the Rest of the Team) You three haven't been able see fireworks at all these past three years?

Nora: (Rubbing the Back of her Head Back and Forth) Yeah....We haven't really gotten the chance see one.

Ren: We were still on a quest to stop Salem at the time. And given all of the events that happened during that quest....It gotten a bit harder for all of us to enjoy a normal holiday.....

Pyrrha: Oh....(Immediately Starts Feeling Bad and Looking Down on the Ground) I see.....

Nora: H-Hey, now! It's okay! There's nothing to worry about, Pyrrha. Really!

Jaune: Yeah! I-I mean, sure, we've been through literal hell and everything, but we've always found a way pull through.

Ren: (Smiles Softly) And it all pays off in end. Even now that you're here with us again.

Pyrrha: (Slowly but Surely Begins to Smile Again) ('Sigh') You guys are right...It hasn't even been a year later and we've already started to become more than just a team or even lovers....We became an actual, loving family.....(Frowns a Little in Worry) Speaking of which, where's Oscar? He's already missing the first half of the show.

Ren: He's in the kitchen. He said he wanted to make us a fresh batch of cookies, almost exactly how Mr. Xiao Long would make for us the last time we visited his home. It's ten minutes later and I'm already starting to get worried....

Jaune: About Kitchen or Oscar?

Ren: ............. Yes.

Nora: (Giggles Softly) Oh, relax, Renny. I'm positive our baby boy is going be okay in there........But if we have to wait another ten minutes, we're getting him out.

Ren: Sounds like a plan.

Pyrrha: (Giggles Softly) It seems we've became doting parents as well.

Nora: (Shrugged) Hey, when you have a farm boi who keeps getting himself to danger, you gotta do what you gotta do to be there for him, ya know?

Ren: (Rolled his Eyes) Nora started the whole "Parenting Role", in case you're wondering.....

Nora: (Pouts at Ren) I love him, okay?!!

Ren: So do all us, Nora.

Pyrrha: (Giggles Softly at her Two Lovers' Quarrel) Guys, c'mon. No fighting.

While the rest of the team were busy messing around, Jaune looks up at the nightly skies, filled with colorful fireworks. All of this while having a soft Smile on his face.

Jaune: Hey....You guys?

NPR: (Immediately Stop What They Were Doing and Turns to Jaune) Hm?

Jaune: Remember the time we all stayed at my parents' house the whole summer?

Nora: ('Gasps') Ah yeah! Remember that! You're entire family took us in and everything!

Pyrrha: (Remembers the Memory Very Fondly) Your mother and father were so kind and caring. Your sisters on the other hand.... (Giggles Softly) were quite a handful.

Nora: Are you kidding? They're were sooooooo much fun to be around!

Jaune: (Rolled his Eyes) For you maybe....

Ren: Are you still thinking about the time they tried to put make-up on the both of us?

Jaune: ('Groans in Annoyance') Yes....I mean, seriously! They been doing this to me ever since we were kids!! It's frustrating!!!

Ren: ('Sigh') Honestly, Jaune. It wasn't that big of deal. Granted, the make-up was a bit too much, but their choice of hairstyle on the other, did leave a pretty decent impression on me.

Jaune: That's because your hair is long and easy to work with! I, on the other hand, had short and shaggy hair. Which means I always end up with those... stupid short pigtails!

Pyrrha: (Pouts Playfully at Jaune) Jaune Arc! Those pigtails weren't stupid at all!~

Nora: Yeah! They look very cute on you~

Jaune: (Rolled his Eyes while Blushing) ('Psh') You two are just saying that.....

Pyrrha: (Hugs Jaune Affectionately) No we're not. We meant everything word of it~

Nora: We still love you no matter what kind of hairstyle you got for yourself. Even if it's a shape of a banana~ (Gives Jaune a Kiss on the Cheek)

Jaune: Really thought we were over the whole "Banana Hair" Shtick by now......

Ren: (Chuckles Lightly) Okay. As much as I would love to hear more inspiring insults towards of fearless leader's haircut, I'm kind of wanna know why you suddenly decided to bring all of this up, Jaune.

Pyrrha: Yeah.... Was there a special reason for it?

Jaune: (Rub the Back of his Head Back and Forth) Not exactly........I just wanted all of us to remember the few times we spent together. Our time at the academy, the missions we've gone to, the dance, festivals, the.....(Eyes Widened Once He Realized a Memory He Mean to Remember....As Tears Begins to Fall from his Eyes) tournament...., a-and.......('Sniff') And........

Ren/Nora: Jaune?

Pyrrha: (Immediately Starts Getting Worried) Honey? What's wrong?

Jaune: (Cover his Eyes From his Lovers) ('Sniff') I-It's nothing, you guys. Really. ('Sniff') D-Don't worry about it.

Pyrrha: (Gently Takes Jaune's Hand Away from his Saddened Face) Jaune, we know you're crying and starting to worry us. Please tell us what's wrong.

Jaune: (Finally Begins to Cry) I'm sorry! ('Sniff') I didn't mean to make you guys worry or anything. I just....('Sniff') I had think about EVERYTHING that happened to Beacon that day. Especially what....('Sniff') that monster Cinder did to-

Pyrrha: (Immediately Pulls Jaune in for a Loving Hug)

Jaune: (Taken Back from Pyrrha Sudden Hug) P-P-Pyrrha?

Pyrrha begins to take a deep breath before pulling away from the embrace and placing poth of her hands on Jaune's cheeks.

Pyrrha: Oh Jaune....I know those past few years weren't too kind to any of us....With me being dead and the rest of you went through so much stress and emotional trauma just to put an end to Salem....And I know this isn't easy to full get over....But I promise you here and now, as long as we got each other....(Tears Suddenly Begins to Fall Down Her Eyes) ('Sniff') We're going to be okay..... We'll get through this together.....('Sniff') And.... We'll NEVER be apart ever again!! (Pulls Jaune Back into a Loving Hug While Crying Softly)

Nora: (Frowns Sadly Once She sees her Two Lovers Crying Onto Each Others' Arms) You guys.......(Eyes Begins to Swell up in Tears) You know I hate seeing you like this! (Immediately Joins in on the Hug, Crying)

Ren: (Slowly But Surely Begins to Tear up As Well) ('Sniff')......

Jaune: R-Ren?

Pyrrha: ('Sniff') What's wrong, dear?

Nora: ('Sniff') I thought you said you only cry on the inside......

Ren: ('Sniff') (Tears Begin Fall Down his Face) Not anymore I don't.........

Nora: Well, don't just stand, Renny....('Sniff') Get over here and hug us already!!

Pyrrha: Please!!

Once Ren joins his way into the emotional group hug, the team turned lovers continue to cry their eyes out onto each of their embrace. All while the fireworks continues to show themselves onto the night skies. That is until......

'Front Door Opens'

Oscar: (Smiles Brightly (And a bit Tirelessly) While Holding a Tray of Baked Cookies) Okay! Sorry to keep you guys waiting, but I was finally able to bake the cookies for us tonight.

JNPR: (Looks up to Oscar with Teary Eyes)

Oscar: (Makes his way to the Group while Holding the Tray Carefully) Now I'm not entirely sure if it'll be as good as Mr. Xiao Long's, but-

Oscar's eyes begin to widened in shock and worry once he sees the rest of his family's tears filled faces.

Oscar: You guys...... I-Is everything's okay?

Jaune: Y-Yeah, bud. ('Sniff') Don't worry.....W-We were just.....('Sniff') Gotten ourselves into a Memory Lane is all.....

Oscar: (A Tad bit Unsure) Okay.....You guys know that I'm always here if you wanna talk, right?

Ren: (Smiles Softly) We know, son....('Sniff') And we could be anymore thankful......

Oscar: (Smiles a Little) You're always welcome..... And like I said before....(Joins in on the Family's Somewhat Emotional Cuddle Session) I made you guys cookies.

Pyrrha: (Smiles Lovingly and Tearfully) Oh Sweetheart, that's so sweet of you......('Sniff') We love them already....

Oscar: (Raising an Eyebrow in Disbelief) Guys, you.... didn't even try them yet. Heck, I'm still not even sure if they'll be half as good as Ruby's dad's are.

Nora: (Pulls Oscar In to a Loving Hug) Don't say that, sweetie!! ('Sniff') I promise we'll all love them. ('Sniff') Just as much as we love you!

Oscar: (Sighs as He Gives Nora A Kiss on the Cheek) I love you guys too. Just take as much time as you need to relax and calm yourselves before trying them out, 'kay?

JNPR: ('Sniff') Okay!

@optimisticfruitcup

@albion-93

@miki-13

@keyenuta

@rozanime

@ma-lemons

@maripr

[queseraone]

Secret

From a Tumblr prompt: "Jay is a doctor and Erin is a nurse. They are married but nobody knows they are in a relationship and their coworkers find out." I put my own spin on this idea, hopefully you like it!

Thanks to my lovely ladies @suttonbradyy and @halsteadpd for putting up my millions of questions and all of their input.

Obviously I know nothing about medicine, sooooooo…

(Also thanks to Grey’s Anatomy for lots of inspiration - you might recognize a few things I borrowed from that show! And some Med characters too!)

Jay sighed, flopping back on the mattress and staring up at the ceiling. “I just don’t understand why you don’t want to tell people?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell people. I just… it’s different for me.” Noting the look of confusion on his face, Erin continued. “Okay look, if people find out that you’re sleeping with a nurse, they’ll high five you or think you’re a stud or some other sexist bullshit. But if people find out that I’m sleeping with a doctor? I can already hear the whispers—Lindsay is screwing a doctor to get ahead. That’s why Lindsay got that promotion. Lindsay is cheating the system. I just want people to see me for me, to respect what I bring to the table.”

“I can appreciate that,” Jay stood up, reaching for her and taking her hands in his own. “And I know how important your job is to you. It’s just going to be really, really hard for me to see you in the cafeteria or pass you in the halls and not be able to touch you…” Jay’s fingertips danced along her skin, trailing up her arms before settling on her face, drawing her ever closer. “…or kiss you senseless…”

Erin smiled against his lips, savouring the moment before reluctantly pulling back. “I know. I feel the same way, but—”

“It’s okay babe, I get it.” He pressed his lips against hers one more time before taking a step back and sitting on the edge of the bed, watching as she got ready for work. His girl in scrubs might just be his favourite sight. She looked strong and powerful and so damn sexy. He would never get tired of that sight, thanking his lucky stars that their paths had crossed in the first place.

It was a total fluke that they even met. He was fresh from Afghanistan, completing his residency in trauma surgery at Chicago Lakeshore Hospital, and she was on loan there from Gaffney Chicago Med, helping to cover when most of their nursing staff was sidelined by a particularly brutal bout of food poisoning. Jay still liked to joke that a bad pot of chili was the best thing to ever happen to him, because it brought her into his life.

They were assigned to the same case—a woman was brought in with life-threatening injuries after being impaled by a falling icicle—and later found themselves seated side-by-side at a nearby bar after shift. After unpacking the intensity of the day, their conversations shifted to more personal topics as they laughed and drank together. It was no surprise that the night ended back at her place, and they had more or less been waking up together ever since.

There had always been an element of competition between them, playfully arguing about whose hospital was better. Sure, Lakeshore got high-profile cases and tons of publicity, but Gaffney had a state-of-the-art emergency department that rivaled some of the best hospitals in the country. And now that Jay was starting his fellowship at her hospital, Erin was excited for him to admit that she’d been right all along.

Jay was just looking forward to seeing more of his girlfriend. Working at different hospitals—often on opposite shifts—sometimes meant going days without seeing each other. So even though he agreed to keep their relationship a secret at work, he was still thrilled to be closer to her.

“You know,” he began, his face lighting up with a mischievous grin. “This whole sneaking around thing could be kind of fun.”

Erin laughed as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, crossing the room to playfully swat his arm. “I’ll see ya.” She pressed a quick kiss to his lips before grabbing her bag and heading out the door.

*

Collapsing into an empty seat at the nurses’ station, Erin was thankful to finally have a few minutes to update her patient files and hopefully wolf down a granola bar. She noticed that a couple of the other nurses were deep in conversation, throwing furtive glances across the ED. “What are you guys whispering about?”

“Have you seen the new trauma surgeon?” Doris asked, her voice hushed as she leaned closer to Erin.

Knowing full well who they were talking about, Erin pretended to be engrossed in a chart, casually shrugging her shoulders in response.

“Oh my god Erin, look at him! He’s so hot!” Monique gushed.

Erin stole a quick look across the ED, chewing on her bottom lip as she tried to hide her reaction to the sight of Jay. ‘Hot’ did not do her man justice. She watched the fabric of his scrubs straining against his biceps as he worked on a patient, and if she listened close enough, she could just make out the sound of his voice as he gave orders to an intern.

Trying to remain calm—her plan to hide their relationship wouldn’t exactly be successful if she ran across the ED and jumped his bones in the middle of shift—she just shrugged again. After taking a long swig from her water bottle, she continued, her tone much more relaxed than she felt. “Yeah, I guess he’s kind of cute.”

“Kind of cute?” A wide-eyed April chimed in incredulously. “Erin, you need to get your eyes checked or something. That man is fine as hell!”

Fighting the overwhelming urge to roll her eyes—Jay’s ego was already big enough, she could only imagine how that kind of comment would go straight to his head—Erin continued, “Whatever, I have a boyfriend. So it doesn’t really matter if I think the new guy is cute.” She stood up abruptly, more than ready for the conversation to be over. “Anyway, don’t you guys have work to do?”

*

“I have been wanting to do that allllllll day,” Jay murmured against Erin’s lips after pulling her into an empty exam room.

Erin sighed blissfully, her eyes fluttering shut as his lips moved lower, kissing a trail down the column of her neck. Before she even had time to fully appreciate the feeling of her boyfriend’s muscular body pinning her against the wall or his strong hands roaming her body, they were interrupted by an obnoxious beeping.

“Son of a bitch,” Jay cursed under his breath as they both fumbled around for their pagers.

She groaned, knowing their moment was over before it even started. “You or me?”

“Me,” he grumbled, pausing as he read the message. “Incoming trauma.”

Erin wrapped her arms even tighter around his torso, burying her face in his chest and inhaling his familiar scent. “Noooooo.”

“Gotta save lives babe,” he grinned, leaning in for one last kiss. “Love you.”

*

“I think I’m going to go for it,” Monique proclaimed out of the blue a few days later.

They were gathered around the nurses’ station, taking advantage of a rare moment of quiet to load up on coffee. After all, five quiet minutes usually meant five hours of crazy was on the way.

April’s eyes grew wide with surprise. “Ooooh, really?”

“Go for what?” Erin’s brows quirked up in confusion. Clearly she was out of the loop on something. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Monique is going to ask Dr. Halstead out.” And then, somehow mistaking the look of sheer horror on Erin’s face for misunderstanding, April continued, “Dr. Halstead is the new trauma surgeon.”

“The hot one!” Monique added with a wide grin. Grabbing a compact from the pocket of her scrubs, the young blonde nurse quickly surveyed her appearance in the mirror. Apparently satisfied with her reflection, she immediately popped it back into her pocket and faced her colleagues again. “Wish me luck!”

And then it was like a car accident—try as she might, Erin just couldn’t look away. Her eyes were trained on Monique, watching as the younger woman crossed the ED to where Jay was standing, reading through a patient file and jotting down some notes.

He looked up when Monique stopped in front of him, offering her a small smile. “Hey, did you need me for a consult?”

“Um, actually,” Monique began, nervously tucking her hair behind her ears. “I was sort of wondering if maybe you might want to… go out with me some time?”

Jay was completely silent, his mouth hanging slightly open as he tried to find a way to respond.

Erin swore she could feel his eyes on her, practically burning through her skin from across the ED. It took every ounce of self-control she had to stop herself from making eye contact with him. She focused on keeping her head down, feigning interest in whatever was on the computer screen in front of her.

She couldn’t react. She couldn’t say a word. Not without giving everything away.

It had been over a week, and despite a couple of close calls—like the time Erin instinctively reached out for Jay’s hand after a particularly emotional case, only remembering at the last second and awkwardly covering by knocking over a stack of files, pissing off the charge nurse in the process—they had been doing a pretty good job of keeping things under wraps.

But in that moment, standing there watching as her colleague hit on her boyfriend? All Erin could do was wonder what the hell she was thinking wanting to hide their relationship.

Still refusing to look up, she could hear Jay clear his throat loudly, and in her peripheral vision she watched as his hand moved up to rub along the back of his neck—a nervous tic of his. Even from a distance she could faintly hear him hemming and hawing, tripping on words as he tried to apologize and find a way to let Monique down easy.

After another minute staring at the computer screen, Erin saw Monique dejectedly plunk herself back down in an empty chair.

“He turned me down,” she explained sadly. “Apparently he has a girlfriend.”

*

Word about Jay’s relationship status spread quickly around the hospital—not that it mattered. It seemed like the entire nursing staff was infatuated with him, regardless of the fact that he was off the market.

And it was driving Erin absolutely crazy.

She knew it would be a challenge to work so closely with him while keeping their relationship a secret. But she never could have anticipated that it would this hard.

When she wasn’t being driven mad with lust—seriously, could he stop looking so damn sexy all the time?—she just wanted to scream for her colleagues to back the fuck off and stop ogling her boyfriend.

It was getting out of hand. She had never been the jealous type before, but there was just something about having to stand there and listen to everyone talk about how attractive Jay was (as if she didn’t know that already) that was making her lose her mind. One of these days she honestly thought she might smack someone.

*

She came awfully close to actually smacking someone a few nights later. Working overnight always brought out an interesting set of characters, and that night was no exception. After treating a sweet little boy who had fallen out of his new bunk bed, Erin headed into the next exam room, cringing inwardly at the smell of cheap alcohol and cigarettes filling her nostrils.

The middle-aged man waiting there was beyond drunk—it smelled like he’d bathed in booze—and he was practically falling off of the hospital bed. He glanced up at the sound of the curtain opening, looking her up and down.

Figures she’d get the creepy drunk again.

She’d only been in this man’s proximity for a few seconds, and Erin already felt like she needed to shower. Doing her best to hold her breath—his stench brought back memories from her childhood that she had no interest in thinking about—she approached him, plastering a fake smile on her face as she tried to ignore him leering at her.

“Hi there Mr.,” she paused, scanning the intake form for his name, “…Lowery. Is says here that you were found passed out on a park bench? Little too much to drink tonight sir?”

He managed to tear his eyes away from her body, looking up at her with a sleazy grin. “I’m fiiiiiiine,” he slurred. “Better now that you’re here sweetheart.”

Erin bit her tongue, fighting the urge to give him an earful. “Mr. Lowery, I see there’s a note here that you were bleeding when you came in, that you might have hit your head? I’m going to need to take a look and make sure you don’t need stitches, okay?”

She reluctantly took a step closer to him, pushing his greasy hair aside to examine the nasty gash across his forehead. He was definitely going to need stitches. She was just about to step away when she felt his hand reach around and grab her ass.

“Get your hands off of me!” she hissed, ready to deck the guy as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

“Hey!” A male voice shouted, loud enough to startle Mr. Lowery.

Jay.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he spit out, a look of blind rage on his face. “You’re here to be treated, not to manhandle our nursing staff!” Taking a deep breath—which Erin knew was in an effort to calm himself down—Jay turned to her, his face immediately softening. “You okay?”

She nodded quickly. It wasn’t the first time a patient had gotten handsy with her, and unfortunately it probably wouldn’t be the last. “I’m fine, Ja—um, Dr. Halstead, nothing I can’t handle.”

Jay knew she could handle it; he just didn’t think she should have to. “I don’t have anything right now. I can take him from here.”

Erin nodded again. “Thanks,” she added quietly as she ducked out of the room, leaving Jay to stich him up.

*

“Hey babe,” Jay smiled feebly at her when they met at the L station around the corner from the hospital an hour later. It had been a long night, and they were both eager to get home and rest.

“Hey.” Erin was silent, keeping her head down as she fell into step alongside her boyfriend. Neither said a word as they climbed the stairs leading to the tracks.

When they reached the top—the train wouldn’t arrive for fifteen more minutes—Jay sighed, grabbing Erin’s hand and pulling her closer to him. “I’m sorry about before. I know you can take care of yourself, but the security guard was off doing who knows what and I just couldn’t stand there while that asshole put his hands on you.”

“I know.”

“But you’re still mad.”

“No, it’s not that,” she began, pausing as she pulled Jay with her to sit on an empty bench. “I just—wasn’t that kind of… I don’t know… making things—us—a little bit… obvious?”

“Fuck. I didn’t even think of that.” He leaned back against the bench, feeling foolish for not realizing how his actions may be interpreted. Despite wanted to shout from the rooftops that Erin was his girlfriend, he respected her desire to keep their personal life separate from work. He hated to think he might have compromised that. “I’m so sorry babe. But you know, I honestly would have done the same thing if it was April or Monique or Doris or any of the other nurses in there. It’s such bullshit that scumbags like that think they can manhandle you guys.”

Erin nodded. It was true, Jay was one of the good ones. There was no doubt in her mind that he would have intervened for anyone, it just so happened that she’d been stuck on that case. She smiled softly as she rested her head against his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“We okay?” When he felt her nod again, Jay leaned down to kiss her forehead.

*

When Erin returned to the hospital for her next shift, she discovered that her concerns were in vain. Sure, the ED was definitely abuzz with talk of Jay stepping in with a bad patient, but miraculously there was no mention of her name.

Of course, Jay’s heroic behaviour only made the nursing staff that much more infatuated with him.

Frankly if she heard another word about ‘Hero Halstead’ she thought she might throw up.

*

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Erin cursed under her breath, slamming the refrigerator door.

It had been the shift from hell—scratch that, the week from hell—and as far as she was concerned it could not be over soon enough.

A terrible late-night car accident had brought in a slew of victims, overwhelming the ED. Within a few hours, most had either been treated and released, or admitted and sent upstairs, so things were finally starting to quiet down a little—at least enough for Erin to get something to eat and catch up on her charting.

At least that’s what she had thought two hours earlier.

But instead of getting off her feet, she’d been running around like a madwoman. Apparently every single patient had banded together to drive her absolutely crazy. She had just cleaned up vomit for what was probably the twelfth time, only to get to the nurses’ station to discover that someone had eaten her turkey sandwich.

She just wanted to scream. Or throw something. Preferably at the asshole who stole her lunch.

Normally she wouldn’t get that upset about someone eating her food, but she and Jay had been on opposite shifts, which meant they had spent all of about five minutes together all week.

She was tired and cranky and missed her boyfriend.

And then right on cue, the elevator doors chimed and she looked up to see said boyfriend striding into the ED in his street clothes, looking happy and well-rested and sexy as all hell.

He smiled and said hello to a few people before glancing over to the nurses’ station, no doubt looking for her. They made eye contact for a split second—just long enough to say I love you, I miss you without words—and then he turned the corner toward the doctors’ lounge and was out of sight again.

Erin sighed dramatically as she headed for the vending machine. She leaned her forehead against the machine for a minute—internally debating between Doritos and a Hershey bar—before jabbing her finger at the buttons. The chocolate fell with a satisfying plunk, and she quickly snatched it up, taking a big bite as she made her way back to the nurses’ station.

When she glanced out the window on the way, she was appalled to see flakes of snowing falling from the sky. It was October. Some days she really fucking hated Chicago.

By the time she returned to the desk she had managed to rally a bit. She kept reminding herself that she only had to get through one more hour. Just one hour until she could go home and hibernate under her fluffy duvet for two whole days.

Her moderately good mood—if you could even call it that—disappeared immediately. There were a few other nurses at the station, and every single one of them was openly gawking at her boyfriend. Again.

He was chatting with his attending as they updated the OR board, and those bitches—bad mood was back in full swing—were drooling over him like he was a piece of meat.

Erin couldn’t deny that he looked damn good in his scrubs. He always did. But that day was like a whole other level of hot. Maybe it was just because it had been a while—damn the long hours and opposite schedules—but whatever the reason, she could already feel her blood pressure spiking at the sight of him.

Yanking her phone out of her pocket, she stormed down the hall in a huff.

*

Erin was pacing around the on-call room when there was a gentle rapping at the door. Before she had a chance to respond, the door creaked open and Jay poked his head around it.

“Hey,” he greeted, carefully closing the door behind himself. “You paged me? What’s wrong?”

“I need you.”

“Babe, you paged 911—do you need a consult or something?”

If she wasn’t so wound up, she probably would have laughed at his question. “No, I need you,” she breathed out, her voice husky with desire as she wrapped her arms around his neck and smashed her lips against his. Her hands moved lower, grabbing the drawstring of his scrubs to pull him closer, her fingers quickly slipping beneath the waistband.

Jay grabbed her wrists, removing her hands from his pants and taking a deep breath as he stepped back. “Erin, we’re at work.”

“So? Haven’t you seen Grey’s Anatomy? People fuck in on-call rooms all the time. It’s practically what they’re for.”

Any hesitation on Jay’s part went out the window as soon as her hands found their way back, stroking him through the fabric. “Fuck,” he groaned as she pushed him down onto the bed, throwing her leg over him and straddling his waist.

The bedsprings creaked obnoxiously as they moved together, so when Erin climbed off of him to strip out of her scrubs, Jay took the opportunity to pick her up and push her back against the wall. As he thrust into her, he kissed her deeply, swallowing the cries of pleasure spilling from her lips. She wrapped her legs tightly around him, locking her ankles against his lower back, driving him to go harder, faster, deeper.

She came with a wild moan that sent Jay over the edge right along with her. Her body went lax in his arms as they both struggled to catch their breath.

“You’re going to kill me,” Jay panted, peppering soft kisses across her bare shoulder. “But wow, what a way to go.”

They were almost dressed by the time Jay’s pager started beeping incessantly. He straightened his shirt as he looked at the screen. “Shit, this really is 911!” He crouched down to tie his shoelaces before jumping up to kiss her quickly. “I’m sorry, I’ve gotta run babe. I’ll see you at home.”

*

They had developed a pretty perfect system to keep their personal and professional lives separate. When they worked the same shifts, they rode the L to and from the hospital together—usually with Erin half asleep and resting her head against Jay’s shoulder—then held hands until they were a block away from the hospital. She took the elevator; he took the stairs.

So despite the occasional close call or near miss, they had managed to keep their secret pretty well.

Until that day.

Jay had been in surgery for hours—the way bullets flew around in Chicago, he might as well be back in Afghanistan—and was just getting ready to close when an intern burst into the operating room. “What’s going on Schmitt?”

“Dr. Halstead, they need you in the ED,” the intern explained, unable to hide the shakiness in his voice.

“I’m kind of in the middle of something here.”

“Yes, I know, but… shots were fired.”

Jay’s blood ran cold at Schmitt’s words—Erin was on shift. “Was anyone hit?”

“I’m not sure. It’s locked down.”

Jay turned to the junior resident who had been working alongside him. “You okay to close up?” Before the young woman could even finishing nodding her head, he was already rushing out of the OR, yanking off his gloves and mask and running toward the ED.

Even though he knew it was on lockdown, he was still taken aback by the police presence. The halls were filled with officers, most dressed in full tactical gear as they gathered together to hatch out a plan of action.

He whipped his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through countless messages and notifications, desperately looking for any word from Erin. His heart pounded in his chest as he read her messages—she was in there. He didn’t know if she’d be able to answer, but he quickly typed a response asking if she was okay. He needed her to be okay.

When his phone vibrated in his hand a few seconds later, relief washed over him.

I’m fine, but Monique was hit. She’s losing a lot of blood, Jay.

Jay rushed forward, pushing past the throngs of people to where the police had blocked off the ED. “You need to let me in there!”

“Halstead,” Goodwin piped in, holding up a hand to stop him from going any closer, “you need to take a step back and let the police do their jobs.”

“I’m sorry Ms. Goodwin, but I can’t do that.” He turned to address the officer in charge, trying to keep his voice steady. “I need to go in there. There are innocent people back there—patients, nurses. And at least one of them is down.”

“Dr. Halstead, I assure you we have the situation under control,” the sergeant explained.

And then another round of gunshots rang out.

While most of the other people gathered in the hallway ducked or screamed, Jay pressed on. “With all due respect, it doesn’t seem like you have anything under control! There’s at least one person in there who’s bleeding out right now. I’m a trauma surgeon, I can help.”

“Sir, this is more than just a medical emergency. We can’t just put a civilian into a live and clearly dangerous situation. It’s against CPD protocol.”

“Fuck your protocol, my girlfriend is in there!” Jay bellowed, no longer caring who knew about their relationship. He just need her to be okay. He’d transfer to another hospital if he had to. Or flip burgers at a fucking McDonalds. He’d do anything, he just couldn’t lose her. “I’m not a civilian, I was in the military. I’ve been trained for these types of situations—and for worse ones. Now let me through!”

Maybe it was the desperation in Jay’s voice, or maybe it was just because they didn’t have any other options, but the police managed to negotiate with the shooter. He was just a scared kid, no more than fifteen years old, desperate to get treatment for his sick mother. Knowing he didn’t want anyone to die, they convinced him to let a doctor—Jay—come in.

“You sure about this?” The sergeant asked as he fastened a bulletproof vest over Jay’s scrubs.

Jay nodded resolutely as they held the door for him. He had never been more sure about anything in his life.

He entered the ED slowly, his hands held up in front of him, showing the shooter that he was not a threat. His eyes quickly scanned the room, taking in every detail of his surroundings. Most of the exam room doors were shut with the curtains closed, as was standard practice in a volatile situation. But he saw a few patients and staff members sitting in the waiting area, visibly trembling in fear.

But there was no sign of Erin or Monique anywhere.

“Where…?” Jay asked the shooter.

The boy didn’t speak; he just waved his gun at the desk.

When Jay finally saw Erin, he wanted take her in his arms and never let her go. But she was otherwise occupied, her hands busy pressing against Monique’s abdomen, applying pressure to stop her colleague from bleeding out. Falling to his knees beside them, Jay lifted Erin’s hand from the wound, squeezing it in his own as he assessed the injury.

She definitely needed surgery. And soon.

Knowing that time was of the essence, Jay quickly explained to Erin what they needed to do to stabilize Monique. When his girlfriend nodded in understanding and began following his instructions, he turned his attention to the shooter, his hands once again held in the air as he spoke. “Hey buddy, my name’s Jay.”

“Shut up!” The kid yelled across the ED, waving the gun around.

Jay wasn’t phased by the weapon in front of him, he just continued, figuring that as long as the kid was talking, he wouldn’t be shooting anyone else. “Listen, I know you’re worried about your mom, but this isn’t the way.”

“She’s going to die!” He cried, tears flowing down his cheeks. “They couldn’t help her! It’s not fair!”

“I know. I lost my mom when I was about your age, and it sucks. But buddy, trust me when I say she wouldn’t want this for you. I know you’re scared, but I really need you to put down your gun and let me to get this woman into surgery.”

“No, no one goes anywhere!”

“If we don’t operate soon, she’s going to die. Killing this woman doesn’t help you or your mom. It doesn’t make things any better.” Jay could see the boy’s resolve breaking. “Please.”

*

Jay watched as they wheeled Monique to the OR.

He had managed to convince the kid to drop his weapon, and the police breached the ED seconds later, cuffing the kid as hospital staff checked on the other patients. Fortunately, no one else had been hurt.

Jay knew he needed to get down to the OR too, but before he followed Monique’s gurney, he turned to Erin, pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly as he captured her lips with his own. It was the kind of kiss that said more than any words ever could—how much he loved her, how scared he was of losing her, how relieved he felt that she was unharmed.

And in that moment, even Erin didn’t care who saw.

*

“So you’re the girlfriend,” Monique stated, smiling sheepishly as Erin entered her hospital room the next morning. She had only been awake from surgery for a couple of hours, and news of Erin and Jay’s relationship had already spread around the hospital.

Erin nodded her head as she settled into the chair beside Monique’s bed, taking the younger nurse’s hand in her own. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before.”

“Well I’m sorry I hit on your boyfriend,” Monique joked, wincing as pain shot through her side. “You’re a lucky woman.”

Erin nodded again, smiling as she glanced out the room and into the hallway where Jay was hard at work reviewing a chart with an intern. “I really am.”

*

As nice as it was to finally stop worrying about hiding their relationship, they did find themselves missing the added layer of privacy. It had been nice to have one thing that was just theirs.

So when Jay got down on one knee and asked Erin to be his girl forever, it was in the comfort of their own home, dressed in sweatpants on a quiet Sunday evening.

And when they got married a few months later, it was a quiet ceremony at city hall, with just their families present. Rings would get in the way at work anyway, so they wore them on chains around their necks, keeping their love for each other close to their hearts, safely hidden away under their scrubs.

Their little secret.

[comebackali]

Your spn watch party Allie I'm killed by nostalgia!!!! Up to S5 final ULTIMATE TELEVISION back when cable TV mattered 😪 now a thing to ponder on: FDTD and SPN compare and contrast, go go go 😉

i am having THE TIME OF MY LIFE lol. idk how far i'm gonna take it. i have no desire to watch the whole series, that just sounds soooooo tedious, but maybe the first couple seasons? like yeah till s5. i'll go until it's no longer enjoyable, but rn it's enjoyable as hell and i'm having a real good time, and i'm glad SOMEONE is enjoying my slow descent into hell, randomly spamming ur dashes w spn and wincest content after not posting or watching spn content for what? 10+ years? hello and ur welcome this is who you are following. lots of my mutuals are spn bloggers but i have been sooooooo recalcitrant about jumping back into it but now here i am. having the time of my life. it's such fun television.

re:fdtd vs spn i know this sounds soooooooo pretentious but i feel like they're literally sooo different it's hard to compare them? my initial reaction was that fdtd is literally better in every way, and that's still my gut reaction, but i'm having such a fun time watching spn, it's so digestible and fun and easy to watch that it's like, who's to say? the vibes are just totally different and it really depends on what you want to get going into it.

re: the brothers, ironically, because they SHOULD tick off every single one of my boxes, i was actually never that into richie x seth?? i don't know why, because, like i said, they should be right up my alley. i think it's because at the end of the day, there were so many characters that i liked SO MUCH MORE. kisa (my beloved), carlos, scott, freddie, even kate, i was soooo much more invested in all their stories and them as characters. fdtd is like a true ensemble piece, whereas with spn it's literally just these two guys in the most claustrophobic circumstances imaginable, and while there are other characters, they're pretty tertiary, esp for the first few seasons. like literally s1 it's just these two bitches in a car for 22 straight eps. and jdm shows up at the end to cause trauma. and meg is there, (i love her) like, a handful of times. and then in s2 jo & ellen have a few recurring episodes. and gordon shows up twice. and there's a jdm shaped hole between sam and dean, but that's it. oh yeah and ava. love her. but she literally shows up twice as well? that's wayyyyy more characters than the first season, but at the end of the day it's just like, these two fucking guys. and kids aren't meant to be in a tank kid, it does things to you.

[somensfw-blue]

Its okay I have a habit of oversharing too. I never mind what people say to me(its hard to weird me out you have to be like RLLY strange to do so) my parents would tell me to 'fix your face or i'll fix it for you" (terrifying line) or just in general yell or cuss if i cried 😔 (guess theres a common belief young children dont cry ig? 🤨) No wonder i've been told I was a very quiet kid. Im not even a pretty crier which makes it WORSE 😩🛌 - 🐩

i will say that last time i overshared and apologised for it, i was told it was okay, he liked hearing me talk, then we made out for half an hour sooooooo ya know /lh (i trauma dumped on this poor guy and he still kissed me. i'm still in disbelief that it happened lmao)

the "stop crying or i'll give you a reason to cry" was the line my father gave me when he wasn't mocking me. utterly terrifying and yes the yelling and swearing for small child crying. my father is a narcist who treated me like i was an adult when i was a child, which, fun fact, isn't how you treat a child! you treat a child like an actual person but you can't talk to them like they are an adult and your friend!

[illnessandinjury]

GUYS ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OC’S PLZ

Okay, so I mentioned it in a couple posts ago, but AGAIN I’m closing with that coworker who makes me uncomfortable/I get in fights with lmao (long story short: he’s borderline homophobic and HELLO I'm gay sooooooo) 

Anyway, I’ve been working on my OC’s a lot lately, and I would really appreciate it if you could ask me questions about them so I can work on their little details and mold them into more pronounced characters. 

I have four of them that I’m going to explain down below

WARNING for abuse, sexual abuse, mentions of self harm, and mental illness ♡ (I’m serious, a lot of them are very dark. Of course, I mean no disrespect by any of them, as I have gone through many of their issues myself, and use these characters as a coping mechanism tbh)

Elliot and Enoch 

These are my twins, and I created them when I was dealing with a lot of backlash and mental strain due to my own emotional and slight physical abuse I sustained at my home/in relationships. I had two very different personality sides that seemed to stem from these past issues - anger and fear. So I decided to build further onto those and create two brothers. 

These twins were abused by their parents until they were both around 13 years old. They both ended up running away from home and being found by a sweet older lady who runs a flower shop. Above the flower shop is an apartment that this lady rents to them basically free of charge (Elliot works in the shop with her on weekends). They’re both 17 years old. 

Elliot is the fear side. He’s got terrible anxiety and PTSD that can trigger extreme panic attacks. If he’s around people with similar stature or body type of either of his parents, he can’t function. He also is very sensitive and fearful of people yelling, stomping, slamming doors, and fast movements towards him. Despite his past, he does have a general good outlook on life and people, even though he may be fearful and overwhelmed about it.  He is in community college studying botany  Physical Attributes - pale skin, dark circles under his hazel eyes, small mole under his right eye, a pale scar across his neck, brown under cut hair, tall, skinny and lanky, some past scars over his body.  (Kink Property - he suffers terrible nightmares, and his anxiety usually makes it hard for him to work up an appetite most days, so he has a terrible immune system and get’s sick very often.)

Enoch is the angry side. He has very extreme manic depressive episodes, and diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. He likes to pretend and play it off that what happened to him as a kid doesn’t affect him, but that’s obviously not the case. He’s a very brash, and angry person - and he believes that the world is generally full of terrible people. He often gets into fights with people for fun, and has a kill count of around three people at the moment - the first one actually being an accident; he was drunk and fighting someone outside of a bar, when he suffered a terrible flashback of abuse from his father. He ended up blacking out, and when he came to, blood was covering him and the man was dead. This was how he met one of my other OC’s, Ashley. The other two murders were to protect his brother, Elliot. This brings me to the fact that Enoch’s sole purpose in life, to him, is to protect and keep his brother happy. He’s very defensive over Elliot, and cares more for him than anything or anybody in the world. N O T incest, jfc. He is a computer programmer and website coder.  Physical Attributes - pale skin, dark circles under his hazel eyes, small mole under his right eye, curly long brown hair, not muscular but toned, tall, multiple injury scars over his body.  (Kink Property - because of his fights, he has a tendency to come home battered and bruised a lot. Due to his crime record, he cannot go to the hospital because they will get his DNA.) 

Ashley 

Ohhh, Ashley. Sometimes goes by Ash. Ashley was made kind of in the same way as Enoch and Elliot. I suffered sexual abuse in one of my relationships, and I wanted to project that onto a character. This is where my dear boy, Ashley comes into play. Except I took my trauma and abuse and multiplied it by 10000x. 

Ashley has a normal like until he was around 13-14 years old. His mother ended up dying from a terrible arrhythmia episode - which is a heart issue that Ashley was also born with. When his mother died, his father became extremely unconsolable and twisted. It just started with his father making him do “women’s work” around the house, such as dishes, cleaning, cooking, etc. in place of his late wife/Ashley’s mother. Then it progressed to making him dress like a girl - and in turn, his father ended up becoming attracted to him physically. The dad started to sexually assault Ashley, and this happened to go on for years, until one day, Ashley snapped and murdered him. He’s now 16 and lives in a run down motel room in the middle of downtown run by some scumbags for their illegal activities - prostitution and drug smuggling (basically if you don’t rat them out, you get cheap, moderately livable housing). Ashely deals with a ton of unresolved trauma and manic depressive episodes. He’s a self harmer.  The major thing with Ashley is that he’s a murderer. He uses his feminine qualities, and feminine name to draw in scummy men who are attracted to younger girls with sex, and then he murders them and leaves (he’s honestly basically a trap)  He stumbled upon Enoch after the latter’s first murder and helped him get rid of any evidence pointing towards him. After this interaction, Ashley became infatuated with Enoch, developing an obsession and deep love for him. Enoch mostly pushes this off and just keeps him around for the tips and help.  Psychical Attributes - pale skin, white choppy hair, long eyelashes, looks androgynous but leaning towards female (despite being a cis male), pale blue eyes, short, very petite, self harm scars.   (Kink Property - he has arrhythmia which results in heart problems, and also a weak immune system, and also sometimes his victims aren’t so “defenseless” and will injure him. 

Amir

WELCOME TO MY ONE AND ONLY NOT TRAUMATIZED OC LMAO 

Amir is a good boy, and nothing but a good boy lmao. He’s half Arabic, and he’s a 20 year old college student studying forensic science. People think that’s odd of him, considering he’s honestly kind of terrified by blood and dead bodies - but he has a secret which I will get into later. Amir has quite tan skin, but he has a defect called “vitiligo”, which created a stark, white spot of skin over the right side of his face due to lack of pigmentation. This also has effected his right eye - which is a very icy, light blue in contrast to his other brown eye. On top of this, he has a white streak of hair in his bangs.  Now for his secret - out of his blue eye, he is able to see spirits and ghosts. Due to some of the spirits he met throughout his life, he wants no murder to go unsolved, which is why he’s going into forensic science. He wants nothing more than to talk with the ghosts of the victims and get the real answer to what happened, and help them get peace.  Amir lives in a college dorm with a good friend who knows about his secret, and also the ghost of a previous student who hanged himself in their dorm about 30 years ago.  Honestly Amir is one of the sweetest characters I have - he’s just generally a good boy hahaha.  Physical Attributes - tan skin (white blotch over his right side, and other places randomly on his body), curly dark brown hair (white strip in his bangs), dark brown eye (one pale blue one), around 6 foot fall, skinny.  (Kink Property - sometimes too many spirits, such as if he went into a hospital or graveyard, can cause an “overload” of some sort, and give him a terrible migraine) 

[cbocstar]

hiiii it’s me colly!

Hii it’s been a long while since I wrote out my thoughts on here.  I just wanted to recollect and self reflect on some feelings i’ve been feeling lately. SO it all started in march when I noticed I was beginning to feel more of myself again. Like I just felt more of me. Like the sadness is yeah its still there and the betrayal i felt from craig is always going to be there i think. And the trauma and the anger I have for him of what he did to me and put me through will always be there. But I found myself finally feeling like ready? Ready to take a leap of faith and get myself back out there into the dating pool/pond.  AND LET ME TELL YOU!!! It is so fucking exhausting. I hate the swiping. And I hate feeling writing my bio to the point where I feel like i’m selling a pitch to shark tank. LIKE SEELLLING MYSELF AND MY QUALITIES of what makes ME special or what someone will get out of when they date me. LOL idk it’s so hard. I think that’s another thing I need to work on. Loving myself. And taking ownership on yes I am weird, yes I am shy. But yes I am awesome and I am beautiful. It just takes time to see that. Anyway I was losing hope on these datin g apps when i would get bomboarded with dudes asking me questions on if I live at home, or if i live alone. And it made me self conscious like. Is it bad that I live at home with my mom? It’s so expensive to move out. Like I cant even afford living in the bay area if i did try and move out and find a roomie. LOL. I guess i feel ashamed, because of that. And whenever I would match with someone they would either unmatch themselves right away after i message them. or they just never replied. So it was kinda frustrating i guess. Like whats the point?  Anyway my school friend and my brother suggested me to try out the dating app of Meetme. And LOL i was skeptical because of the amount of messages I would receive the first time I downloaded it. And So i tried it again. And I just got sooooooo many messages from dudes. And the ages just ranged from 18-21; 40-60 year olds. And It just made my stomach sink. I just I cant see myself dating someone that’s 40 and me being 27. Idk I just I cant. ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE MESSAGING ME ASKING IF I WOULD LIKE TO TRY OUT LIMP DICK LMFAO?! HELLO? WHAT LOL or if i would like to be their substitution to viagra. creeper bye. And so it just made me really freaked out. And then at this time Steven messaged me and I was just cautious. But he made me laugh and he was the only one that was close to my age. So I felt like that was fine. But the overwhelming messages from 40-60 year olds creeping on my profile and asking me if i wanted to lick them or if i was interested in finding a daddy. Just I couldnt. So I decided to just delete my photos because ya girl just was creeped out at that point. And steven then messaged and asked me if I was quitting because he noticed I was removing my photos and i just explained to him and he was just really shocked. And i asked him if he ever experienced that on his end and he just said no. So I was just like LUCKY DUCK.  Anyway, we talked more on the app of meetme messages. He made me laugh. I thought he was pretty charming and cute as well. He has a list of interests that is sooooo different from me which made me feel very insecure or uneasy. I’m not active and I have had bad experiences of camping and outdoors but I am always willing to try new things. And I feel like I just couldnt do long distance anymore. especially after the abuse I went through with craig and phillip. I just I can’t do that anymore. I need someone here for me physically. And steven is literally a few miles away so i was glad. SO we do have a shared interest which is anime c: and cute animals and food and books and gaming. And he asked me out on a date to go to Dave n Busters. 

SO GUESS WHAT ya girl went to dave n busters. that was the first date. met him upstairs. I awkwardly walked over and gave him a hug while I shivered and we played a lot of games together. Then we had cheeese BURGERSS. There he let me have some of his beer which I took a few sips didnt enjoy it though. LOL and He just laughed. Then he mentioned about how there’s sea glass on the beach and how he wanted to show it to me. And  I was just like uh i guess? I just have to be back at this time to get picked up. And he’s just like oh we will have time dont worry. SO I WENT IN HIS CAR (and my friend has shamed me for it lol saying how stupid i was to go in his car lol on the first date and how lucky i am to be alive and not killed and stuff) And I dont know It just didnt register in my head until I got to the beach so i did send my location to my best friend. so she knew where I was. even tho my girl is in texas and im in california LOl. so when we got to the beach we actually picked up sea glass and it just it felt like a movie. or something I read in books. It was soft and slow and I just felt safe. And we just huddled together as the wind pushed us together. And I asked to hold his hand and he just laughed exasperated and was like “OHMYGOD U DONT HAVE TO ASK just hold my hand its fine” and yeah so i got to hold his hand.  After the date we talked on the phone and it just nice.  Second date: Steven took me to the science museum playground for kids. It was so much fun we saw cute animals and interacted with the science experiments. There was a lot of sequin textures sensorys and it just was so nice. LOL he drew a lit hand sign while i tried to make an xD face, but failed. Then we were hungry so he took me to have poke (IT WAS MY FIRST TIME LOL) and it was delicious but i was kinda hungry still. After he took me to this   old bookstore and we roamed the aisle looking at different books. Then he took me to his place where we shared our first kiss. I was really shy and scared but we took things slow and sat on his bed and cuddled. He was really upset when he found out that I never cuddled before. I didn't understand why he was upset but he just told me he felt sad that I never had that intimate connection. And at first I was bored but towards the last hour I felt really cozy and it just felt nice, the way his hands wrapped around my waist. I did get aroused which kinda freaked me out because I never really felt that sensation before. LOL so it made me really anxious. LIKE CALM DOWN COLLEENY. Third date: We did some shopping at TarzHay (target) lolol and daiso together. it felt nice. Then we went back to his place to have dinner. He shared his dinner with me and it was really good and after we cuddled and kissed and watched youtube videos together. And it just was really romantic.  Fourth date: Went to a movie on a work night. we saw The saga of tanya the evil. And it was fun watching anime with him. And I was just soo shy i didnt hold his hand I just we just focused watching the movie together and enjoying each others company.  Fifth date:  went to fanime (anime convention) for the FIRST TIMEEE  last saturday ( may  25, 2019) i met up with him there! I cosplayed as kiki from kiki’s delivery service. it was fun! So he was playing ddr well competing in the tournament. for a lil 3 hours ish. After we went to get something to drink so he bought me a drink...it was sweet but somewhat bitter but i did enjoy the sugar that was decorated coated around the  rim of the glass. And  i got hyper ish LOL And steven just laughed. But i let him finish it for me because I couldnt. Then we went to go walk to get food. in line there was a guy talking to him. And the guy asked us what we were and if we been here bfore. and steven said it was his first time not being alone. and i said it was my first time. and then I just stuttered and got shy because we havent discussed what we were to each other. Like we just only talked about us liking each other a lot. And how we both enjoyed each others company. So I replied with “we dd-d-d--dateing? We on a d ate. we dating. date. uh yeh uh” and then steven wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in close to him and added “ yeah we are going steady.” AND OOOOOOO I BLUSHED SO HARDDDDDDDD. aaaa still blushing LOL  Anyway lol food was delcious. i had a bento curry chicken box. Then we sat down and rested our feet in the hall and he took a nap on my thigh lol. it was cute and i just scratched his forehead bc i was too scare to scratch his head LOL. and then we watched the season 3 of attack on titan together and he held my hand and my arm and it just felt nice.  I curled up against him and we just enjoyed watching 5 episodes together.  Sixth date:  today saturday june 1, 2019 is gonna be the sixth date. sooooo ILL JUST KEEP U  POSTED On what we are gonna do. loool time for bed  

[mahouproject-one]

Mastermind Trial 2.4(?) || I, You, That Guy, This Guy, Whoever Else Too, Are Just Idiots! || Takako || RE: Miyu, Outa, Shinobu, Kris

[CW: blood; nose trauma; nosebleed; burns; injuries]

Right now?? Really?

Takako had sulked for a few minutes, sure but  her rage-filled tears were quickly dissipated. (What? You expect her to be emo for a full trial?) and she began her own spiel. Man she was really just trying to stave off uninhibited rage. Because that was, like, kinda lame. Who the hell shows emotion other than smugness and laughter at a murder trial.

At least she came complete… with charts. In her pensieve appeared some…. Interesting depictions of classmates, gotta show off those sick looks guys.

(Listen, she legitimately worked really hard on them, and now she’s gonna have to replace the pics of Clove and Reiko with un-cute drawings? Unfair).

“Wellll, lol it’s obviously not Piss-chan or Mike-chan” any… elaboration or?, “like, okay it’s really obvious to see”, she points to the first chart, “they have no style, sure, and this “little one”, who’s probably short instead of normal sized, also doesn’t have style lol, buuuuuuut like, think about it. If Piss-chan or Mike-chan were in cahoots with Ouryuu-chan, we’d hear a biiiiiiiig long spiel every five minutes about-”, Takako’s voice goes up by, you swear, about an octave, before settling on a nails-on-chalkboard whiny impression, “Uwuuuuuuu you guysss I worked so hard on this murder gameeee and you’re MEAN to me because I killed peoppppple even though I’m a NICE killer??? I’m HELPINGGGGG”, and some more, like, shitty self-righteous stick up the ass bullshit. But yeahhhh TL;DR we’d fucking know by now. They’d have it drilled into our goddamn heads by now, with a physical fucking powerdrill!”, she gave a classic cackle, already back on her classic Takako energy, “But yeah, I agree with Shinobu-chan! Shut your mouth, Piss-chan. You dying is the main event here, nobody gives a shit about anything else.”

Aaaaaand a peace sign.

“Oh~! Also, I voted Clove-chan!! Do I have to justify myself lol? She, like, straight up assaulted me unprompted-”, after you beat up her girlfriend, yeah, “-sooooooo I don’t really give a shit lmao”.

Frankly, she didn’t give a shit whether they got it wrong or right either.

“I dunno about Shino-chan either honestly. You guys shouldn’t be soooooo narrow with how you’re accusing people when you don’t know shit! You guys accuse Outa-chan of murder for being stinky and now for having pets and owning a weapon lol. I’m the mastermind then too! I’ve got a weapon and Kevin-chan! Seems, like, preeeeeeetty coincidental”, she gave a cackle, then stared directly at Miyu, “Lads, do you actually know non-tangential shit about this “pet” or are you just here to satisfy your self-righteousness quota for the week lmao?”

“We may as well go on and ask what everyone’s fursona is if we’re going by shitty cat associations lmao. It’s suuuuper fucking weak lmao”

And again with Miyu’s statement of, “She implied they were the same person, then advised me to keep it in mind. I don’t… know what she meant. Was that a hint to Imai?”, she laughed.

And did….what even was that?

(Somewhere, in the distance, you swear you could hear Avril Lavigne’s voice).

“Oh sure! Maybe it was a hint to me! Because I’m one person? Hope everyone else is too lmao. Maybe I’ll ask Ouryuu-chan! OURYUUU-CHAAAAAAANNNNNNN~!! Would I let you call me small?”

She cups her hand around her ear dramatically.

Then does another, terrible, terrible voice.

“Ohhhhhh Takako-chan I would NEVER do that to you!”

-And then she began dancing something… familiar.

Was this a victory lap?

It sure as hell was.

(She stuck her tongue out at Reiko and Clove. Weakassses).

(Hooooonestly she still hurt all over, but pretending she didn’t was part of the fun).

“Anyways yeah we can, like, kiiiinda eliminate anyone with any sense of flair or drama. Lol I swear the most drama you guys come up with is by your three shared brain cells bouncing about in the trial room while you scream bloody murder and sob over nothing”, she sighs, “seriously, you guys keep forgetting that, like, death hiiiighkey means fuck all here. Farah-chan’s the only one with any sense lmao. Let’s just vote whoever’s got the least evidence on ‘em aside from being a clown!”