#tried a different workflow with this one and I... think it turned out okay? it was fun to mess with

[mothcpu]

Jin Yoshida for the 2023 Frictional Games fan jam!

[writemarcus]

Playwright James Ijames on 'Fat Ham,' the spotlight on Black queerness and life after a Pulitzer

A Q&A with the Pulitzer Prize–winning playwright of 'Fat Ham.'

Written by Marcus Scott

Wednesday February 8 2023

James Ijames won the 2022 Pulitzer Prize for Drama for Fat Ham, an irreverent riff on William Shakespeare’s Hamlet that feels like a call to arms for Black joy and queer representation. A jambalaya of satire, magical realism and the American domestic sitcom, the play follows Juicy (Marcel Spears), a morose online-college student, as he tries to come to terms with the marriage of his newly-widowed mother, Tedra (Nikki Crawford), to his Machiavellian uncle Rev (Billy Eugene Jones). “This ain’t Shakespeare,” Ijames noted in the show’s program. “Don’t get me wrong. I love Shakespeare, this just ain’t him. This ain’t a tragedy…This play is offering tenderness next to softness as a practice of living. This play is celebrating Blackness that is traditional and weird and lonely and happy and grieving and honest and frightened and brave and sexy and churchified and liberated and poetic.”

Fat Ham had its world premiere in the spring of 2021 in a digital production by Philadelphia’s Wilma Theater. A year later, it made its onstage debut at the Public Theater, directed by Saheem Ali, and became one of the buzziest plays of the season. On March 21, 2023, that production will begin a limited run at Broadway’s American Airlines Theatre. We chatted over FaceTime with the playwright as he prepared to step into rehearsals.  

Fat Ham moves Hamlet from a medieval Danish castle to a modern-day cookout in North Carolina. Why a barbecue?

“Barbecues are cumulative spaces. It starts with a few people and then it grows. There’s food, and people are drinking. It’s a space of truth-telling, it’s a space of game-playing, it’s a space of intimacy and warmth—and it’s where secrets come out. My family recently came together for the Christmas holiday and a cousin of mine made an announcement about being pregnant. Everyone was just so excited and lifted by that; everyone’s energy turned towards them in this really beautiful way. I wanted a space where that sort of collective joy was possible and also where a big, messy argument was possible. Where a fight was possible, where drinking was possible, where eating was possible, where romance was possible. In Shakespearean comedies, when you go outside or into the woods—like the forest of Arden [in As You Like It] or the forest in Midsummer—it’s a space where anything’s possible. There’s magic. We’re not inside, in a cold room in a cold castle. We’re outside: We have decorations, we’re colorfully dressed. We are in the sort of space where magic is palpable and possible.”

Juicy is not your typical Hamlet. He is Black and Southern and, as you describe him in the play, “thicc.” What was the motivation behind that?

“Well, I’m Black and from the South, and that drove my desire to play with people that sound and look like me. When you see productions of Hamlet, he's usually white and sort of athletic. I wanted to make a version of this play that was open to a body type that wasn't that; I'm a person who, for pretty much my whole life, has had some struggle with my weight and my perception of what I look like and how I feel in my body. And another thing I wanted to do was to explore Blackness in the South in a way that felt contemporary, that didn't feel held by history—looking at Southern communities right now as opposed to a nostalgic imagination of the Black South.”

Why did you choose for Juicy to have a passion to study Human Resources in college?

“Human Resources is about care and workflow. Efficiency. I wanted Juicy to have a passion for something that felt antithetical to his father. He wants to make sure people are okay.”

How does that contrast reflect other things about the way you have approached Shakespeare’s story?

“I think the play is exploring multiple modalities of masculinity. We see a lot of different kinds of Black masculinity on the stage. We see Juicy, we see Tio, we see Larry, we see Pap and Rev. And there’s a masculinity that’s implied about the community that they live in, that is sort of present in the room. I wanted to show that masculinity is not monolithic—it’s not as simple or cut-and-dried as it’s often depicted. I also wanted to explore cycles of trauma and violence in families. I’m interested in primordial stories, stories that no matter what culture you walk into, there’s like a version of them. I always think of Hamlet as—and I don't know that a lot of people think of it this way—but I think of Hamlet as a Cain and Abel story: the story of a sibling killing their sibling to get ahead. Anybody can relate to that; that’s a [narrative] that you inherit and moves with you through generations. And the younger folks in the play have to make some decisions about whether or not they want to continue that, whether that’s what they want their lives to look like and their relationships to each other to look like. I’m calling into question the stories that we’ve been passed down as wisdom. Because sometimes it’s wisdom, but more and more I look at those stories as cautionary tales of what you shouldn’t do. Vengeance isn’t gonna help Juicy. Killing his uncle is not gonna help Juicy’s life get any better.”

Your breakthrough play was Kill Move Paradise in 2017. How do you think you've changed as a writer since then?

“Oh, gosh. When I look at Kill Move Paradise, that play is quite erratic, you know [he laughs]. I always describe it as the way that I try to metabolize my anger and my fear and anxiety about being a Black body driving around in America, walking around in America, just trying to live my life. And so it has that anxiety in it. It has that fear and nervousness in it. It’s in the text, you can feel it on the page. As I've gotten a little older, I've experienced more and I've written more—the more you write, the better writer you become. I'm more intentional with story, with plot; how I'm weaving a theme or a theory into the action of a play is a bit more sophisticated than it was when I was starting out. The anger is usually shrouded in rebellion or exuberance. At a point in my life, anger sort of dragged me down into a space of high-blood-pressure fury. But I think now the work offers people an invitation to metabolize anger in a different way. By the time we get to the end of Fat Ham, people are dancing in the aisle.”

They certainly are.

“And that is not to negate the fact that we’ve just watched the thing that had pain in it, that had trauma in it, that had violence in it. But just because you’ve been through difficulty doesn’t consign you for the rest of your life to difficulty, to trauma, to pain. We have access to joy, we have access to resilience, we have access to exuberant ecstasy. Black history, in this country in particular, teaches us that: The blues and jazz and hip-hop come out of extraordinary awful scenarios and settings. Those art forms are undeniably both Black, but undeniably exuberant, resilient, unabashed, queer—all of those things! They possess all of those things. When I sit down to write a play, I know that at the end I have to send people out into the world, into the streets, into workplaces, into homes. My hope is that I’m leading them to some hope.”

This play is pretty fantastical, and there are various displays of spectacle and magic. There are also a panoply of images and homages to the Pan-African cultural experience—allusions to Louisiana Voodoo as well as Central African, Creole and Haitian Hoodoo symbology.

“Ghosts are a feature in a lot of my plays. Magic is a feature in a lot of my plays. Because I’m a person who grew up with people who kind of had magical ways of thinking. I grew up Baptist: hardcore, every Sunday, sang in the choir, youth ministry, youth usher—like, I am a church gay! I also grew up in a family that has New Year’s Eve traditions that they do, and will throw salt over their shoulder, or say “Don’t sweep over a single man’s shoe because he won’t get married.” That sort of Hoodoo connection to the spirit world and connection to ancestors was also a big part of the family that I grew up in. And so magic in that respect feels very real to me. Ancestors feel very present—the reverence for people who have passed on is immense. So, to me, the ghost of Juicy’s father showing up isn’t just a specter from this other world that is coming with caution and with information. Juicy is having a conversation with his ancestor and he talks to his ancestor, the way that I talk to mine. The thinness of that veil between here and there—I relish in that, and the theatrical allows you to do that with a lot of ease. I didn’t want the ghost to be a joke. He’s funny—that cat is extremely funny—but he also has these great moments of, like, “Wow, I really messed you up.”  

There is a long literary tradition of Black writers explaining Blackness to people who aren’t Black. You don’t do that here. In fact, this play comments on performing Blackness, trauma porn and “enterpainment” on stage—and it’s done with humor. Why was this important to you?

“Humor is powerful. It opens us up to hearing things in a new way. It’s a big part of all of my plays. The question about explaining Blackness is huge to me. I don’t feel like I have to explain Blackness to an audience. I’m assuming that everyone will catch up who doesn’t understand.”

At the end of the show, there’s a cover of the funky dance-pop disco tune “Kill The Lights” sung by Broadway actor Mykal Kilgore. What inspired that particular needle drop?

“I love disco music, just personally. Anybody can dance to it. If you are off-rhythm, you will be on a rhythm with disco music because it’s four-on-the-floor and is just all-encompassing. It strives for ecstasy, it strives for moving from a passage from one state to another. Probably because they were all like using drugs and having sex while they were listening to it in the Seventies and Eighties. But this is a contemporary artist singing in the disco style. It’s not a song from the era. It just moves people! That music moves people.”

If you were to classify your previous plays by genre, with Fat Ham being disco, what would your other shows be?

“Ooh.” [He laughs.] “I think Kill Move Paradise, if I had to put a genre to it, it’s Southern hip-hop, right? It’s sort of grounded in that culture. I would say White is like pop music—it’s like my Ariana Grande album. And Miz Martha is Americana music. It’s like bluegrass with a trap beat.”

Only nine writers of Black descent have been awarded the Pulitzer Prize for Drama in its 105-year history: Charles Gordone for No Place to Be Somebody, Charles Fuller for A Soldier’s Play, August Wilson for Fences and The Piano Lesson, Suzan-Lori Parks for Topdog/Underdog, Lynn Nottage for Ruined and Sweat, and the last four prizes in a row—Jackie Sibblies Drury for Fairview in 2019, Michael R. Jackson for A Strange Loop in 2020, Katori Hall for The Hot Wing King in 2021 and now you. Is something going on in the zeitgeist? Is there something special about Black writers that make their work more urgent right now?

“I think a few things are happening. Black writers and Black directors have been trying to push the form in new directions, to be both in conversation with the cannon and also pushing against the cannon. Those four plays—starting with Fairview and going to A Strange Loop, The Hot Wing King and Fat Ham—all four of those plays are actively doing those things. And so are some plays that haven’t won Pulitzers but have been defining culturally, like Slave Play and things like KPOP. The audience for that work is already there and primed, and it’s just waiting for someone to make art for them, you know what I'm saying? People are curious about what is possible in the form. I remember seeing Fairview and just being blown away by the audacity of it. It made me want to be more ambitious—to create more of a social experiment with my work in collaboration with an audience. I think the same thing is true of A Strange Loop and Hot Wing King in terms of those plays’ exploration of Black queer identity. And that flows rather beautifully into Fat Ham, which is doing the same sort of thing by taking a play that people cherish like Hamlet and saying, ’Not only is this mine, it’s mine in these particular ways, and this is what I’m gonna keep and this is what I’m gonna discard.’ So some of it is just us, as writers, wanting the form to feel as vital and as urgent as possible. And one way to do that is to examine how we write things and try to find new ways into storytelling.”

Those last three plays in particular have centered on Black queerness, and on what we might call radical softness. Is there something in the ether? Was there something in the culture that made us say, “Now that’s something we need to address, to attack, to appraise?” Because it all kind of happened around the same time.

“Hmm. I don’t know. That stretch of plays spanned the heartiest points of the pandemic, and we were all quite hungry for connection, closeness, touch, tenderness. And that offered an opportunity for people to be excited about seeing something that felt soft or vulnerable. I think people respond to that because we want to be better. Culturally, I think, we want to try to do things differently. It remains to be seen whether or not that will continue, but people wanted to engage with things that felt tender, that felt connective, and all of those plays are great examples of that. And I think that’s also true of Fairview; with the separation that it is asking for, it’s asking for people to sit in an embodied space with an idea.”

Last question: How has your life changed post-Pulitzer? Has that changed how people think of you and your work? Or how you think of yourself and your work?

“Oh my gosh! It’s just made my life so much busier, but it’s also made me focus on the work. Refocus on my craft and my practice. I don’t want this prize to freeze me in time. I want to keep pushing and keep expanding what I do.”

Fat Ham begins previews at the American Airlines Theatre on March 21, 2023, and opens on April 12. Tickets are available here. This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Follow Marcus Scott on Instagram:@therealmarcusscott

Marcus Scott

[dreamescapeswriting]

The Nanny ~ Bang Chan [Request]

WORD COUNT: 7.8K

GENRE: Fluffy,fluff and fluff, Non Idol AU, Single dad Au,

PAIRING: Bang Chan x Nanny!Female!Reader

A/N: I hope that this is okay for you sweetie!!!

"How do you know this guy still wants a nanny?" You questioned your best friend Felix as he pulled up outside a large home, he cut the engine off and shook his head at you. The whole drive over you'd been silent which he knew was a sign of you overthinking, he'd known you long enough to know all of the signs of it. He'd been your roommate for four years he knew you better than you knew yourself at this point.

"Because he's done nothing but complain to us at work about needing a nanny all week, what's the big deal? You're qualified for the job." It was true that you were extremely qualified to nanny for someone but you'd never been a live-in Nanny before which was the part that was scaring you the most. Felix had come to you one night claiming he had the perfect job for you, someone at his job was complaining about not having a Nanny for his 5-year-old daughter and needed one. The thought of living with people you barely knew terrified you but Felix assured you that the man you would be working for was great. He'd known him for the last three years at their job and the man was perfect, not to mention his daughter was one of the cutest little girls Felix had ever met in his life. A little 5-year-old bundle of joy.

"What if he's a creep at home? What if he hits on me? What if he's secretly a serial killer?!" You questioned as you got out of the car and Felix began heading up to the front door of the house he knew too well. Chan and Felix had been close since he started working there which was why Felix knew you and Chan would get along brilliantly together and have a good workflow.

Felix rolled his eyes as he listened to you come up with poor excuses not to get on with the interview and go back home, there was no way he was going to let you get out of this one since he knew how desperate you were for a new nanny gig. Looking after kids were something you'd dreamt of doing your whole life and for the last six years, you'd been looking after a 12-year-old boy until he turned 18 and the family no longer had a need for you. Not to mention Chan had lost his wife three years ago and hadn't dated or seemed interested in anyone since.

"It'll be good for you to get hit on, I don't remember the last time you even went on a date," Felix pulled a playful disgusted face and you rolled your eyes at him ignoring his attempts to make you feel better about all of this but it wasn't working. You were seriously nervous about meeting someone you didn't know anything about except for his name, Chan, that was all Felix told you about him. That and he was one of the producers that helped Felix write and produce songs at their entertainment company so the guy was constantly busy.

"This is serious Lix," You tried to tell him but he was already laughing softly.

"Trust me, Chan is not creepy and you'll love his daughter." Before you could even argue on it even more Felix rang the doorbell so you would shut up and then you were left alone with your thoughts. All of them creeping in about how you didn't know someone you were going to live with, you barely knew what his daughter was like and you knew you would be spending 90% of your time with them from now on if you got the job. Then the good thoughts crawled in, the pay was exceptionally great since you would be living inside their house, it was someone Felix knew which meant it would be easier and more relaxed to get to know the family.

"Hi!" You heard a male voice call out who you assumed was Chan call out through the closed door followed by some loud playful yelling and squealing out.

"Lix!? Open the door, Areum is currently running around covered in paint and I can't get her," Felix chuckled to himself as he pushed the large white front door open revealing the rest of the house to you. The door opened up into a small porch, directly in front of you were some carpeted stairs and to your right was an archway leading to the living room. The place seemed huge from where you were standing, nothing like you would have pictured it either. The floors were all laminated with brown wood, the walls were white, black leather sofas and a faux fur rug were on the floor.

"Hey you, come here!" A breathy chuckle came through the air and you saw a little girl screaming as she dripped paint onto the floor. She was darting towards the archway laughing wildly at her father, she had dark brown hair and the once black outfit she was wearing seemed to be mostly covered in white kiddy paint. The sight alone was enough to make you giggle a little as she rushed past you and Felix and around the sofa to avoid her father.

"Areum! We have guests!" Chan laughed as he almost caught up to her, you watched as a taller blonde male came into sight. He was wearing a black dress shirt with black jeans, probably not the best thing to be wearing whilst chasing a child with paint.

"Can you guys grab her? She's a slippery little girl today," You slid off your shoes and pushed your bag behind you on the floor as you began looking at Felix who went around one side of the sofa. It was a silent plan between the two of you on how to trap Areum and get her to give up the paint.

"I'm going to get your Areum!" Felix called out whilst wiggling his fingers as if he was going to tickle her making her jump up and squeal before running in the opposite direction towards you. You smiled as you saw her running in your direction, a smile filling her cheeks as she looked up at you. For a second you thought she would run over and hide behind your legs since you seemed to be the only other female presence in the room but she didn't.

"Hey!" You called out as she almost reached you but turned around at the last second to avoid you, you managed to grab her carefully and lift her into the air giggling as she laughed at you.

"Spin me!" She cried out as you laughed softly turning her around in small circles on the spot she started laughing again before whining that she was dizzy. You carefully set her down on the ground and took the paint from her hands as she wobbled over to stand by Felix greeting him with a hug.

"Lix can you take Areum for a bath?" Chan laughed as he came over to you to introduce himself properly to you, he held out his hand to shake yours when he noticed the paint on the both of you and stopped himself. He sighed nodding over to the kitchen door as he walked with you,

"Come to the kitchen, we can clean up and I'll do the interview there." He chuckled as he took you into the kitchen. It was larger than your kitchen back in your shared home with Felix, there were white marbled counters lining the room with a kitchen island in the middle of the room.

"I'm Y/n by the way," You told him as you reached the kitchen sink washing your hands under the hot water before dumping the empty tube of white paint into a nearby bin. He thanked you as he dried his own hands on a towel, giving it to you once he was done with it.

"Is Areum always like that?" You laughed out as you dried your hands on a towel listening to Felix who was currently singing loudly to Areum. Chan shook his head at you as he took you over to a small dining room just off from the kitchen. It had a round table inside with paperwork and folders all over it, you assumed it was paperwork for the job interview he was about to do with you.

"Not all of the time, she's just had a little too much sugar this morning and went wild. Saturday mornings are Weetabix days and...She got her hands on the sugar," He groaned out at himself as he thought back on the memory.

"I'd only turned away for two seconds," He laughed as he shook his head pulling out a chair across from him so you could sit down with him. As soon as you were settled he smiled up at you, there was something about him that seemed familiar. His dyed-blonde hair was throwing you off a little but you felt as though you knew him from somewhere,

"I should introduce myself properly right? That's how people do job interviews?" You relaxed as soon as you realised Chan was new at all of this as well and seemed a little more nervous about it than you did.

"I'm Christopher Bang, I go by Chan to everyone though as I just prefer it." He smiled at you flashing a dimple and that was when it hit you where you knew him from. The dimple and his full name hitting you as though someone had just flicked a switch inside of your head.

"C-Christopher Bang from Kinsella High School?" His eyes wandered up to your face as he nodded slowly wondering how you knew which school he had attended and you smiled as you realised it was him.

"Y/n! We went to the same school, I was in a couple of your classes!" You laughed softly as you finally placed where you knew him from. He and the main Cheerleader, Seo Nayeon were high school sweethearts back in school which made your heart sink as you remembered what Felix had told you. Chan had been a struggling single father since his wife died three years ago leaving him alone with Areum. The thought of Nayeon not being around anymore hurt, you'd been quite close in school but when you both went to different universities you drifted apart.

"Its good to see you again! I remember you from my English literature class and I think you were on the team with Nayeon right?" You nodded your head from side to side at him that was only partly true,

"Not officially on the team, I would just do all the girls hair and makeup for them." You laughed remember the good memories from your high school years. Not many people could claim they had a nice time in school but for what it was worth yours was pretty good.

"It's nice to see you again," He meant it this time, now he felt as though he didn't have to have too much of a rough time getting to know you. He didn't want the whole process to be slow and boring so it made it easier to know you had something in common together. You both smiled at one another before he continued on with the interviewing process.

"I mean the last decision is down to Areum but I think you should have the job," Chan laughed as you walked through to the living room together. The interview was just the two of you catching up on what you had been doing since leaving high school, it didn't felt as though two hours had passed at all. Sitting on the sofa was the same girl who less than two hours ago was screaming the entire place down but now she was curled up on Felix's lap with a bowl of popcorn in her hands. She was like a completely different person from before, she was in a complete state of relaxation now.

"I decide on what daddy?" She questioned as she sat up to look over at you both watching you closely as though she was trying to eye you up.

"Would you like Y/n here to be your nanny?" Chan watched as Areum slid herself off the sofa and walked to stand in front of you both, looking you up and down as she did so.

"That depends on the next questions I have for you," You bent down so you could be eye to eye with her and she smiled, happy you were treating her as though her opinion mattered.

"Do you like Disney princesses?" You nodded your head at her as thinking back on all those nights you forced Felix into watching the movies with you, as well as dragging him to the cinema whenever there was a new release.

"I do, I have a Disney DVD collection that I make Felix watch with me." You told her proudly, she took your hand in her smaller one and walked you towards the front door and up the stairs to her bedroom without saying a word to you.

Opening the door she smiled as she proudly gave you the tour of her room. The whole room had pink walls, and there was a white loft bed with a pink curtain along the bottom,

"My secret palace," She whispered to you taking you into the room and pulling the curtain back, you could have died happily once you saw how many stuffed animals she had. All of them Disney related somehow it must have taken years to collect everything that she had under there.

"Whoa." You laughed as you glanced over everything that was there. Areum smiled proudly as she realised you were impressed and pulled you down to sit on a beanbag beside her.

"I also have this." She pointed up to top slabs of her bed, a small projector was hanging on them it looked as though Chan must have installed it for her and she switched it on. It began running a film on the white wall at the bottom of her bed,

"You could bring your DVD's with you when you move in," You smiled as she basically confirmed you having the job and then she went back to quizzing you on everything and anything that she could think of that would make you a good enough nanny for her.

Felix and Chan smirked at one another from outside the bedroom when they heard the two of you talking together.

"I told you she would be good for the job," Felix whispered to Chan who had been unsure about everything when Felix first came to him with your CV. He'd been worried about hiring a nanny for Areum but since Areum was getting older it was getting harder to hire a babysitter all of the time he needed one. After Nayeon died he thought he could do it alone but the older Areum got the more he began to realise it would be hard to raise a daughter when he worked 5 days a week with long shifts.

"She's single you know," Felix nudged Chan in the side playfully and Chan pretended not to hear what the younger male was saying while they walked down the stairs to the living room.

"She's a good roommate, she'll end up cleaning up everything even if she didn't make the mess...Chan, she's the best you won't regret hiring her," He told him as they sat down on the sofas together, Chan looked at Felix as he thought over everything again.

"I just don't want Areum to get the wrong idea-" Felix sighed as he shook his head knowing that Chan meant he didn't want Areum to think he was replacing her mother.

"She won't, Areum is a bright girl Chan. You know that and I know that. It'll be like she has a live-in best friend." Felix tried to reassure him as they spoke to one another but Chan was still a little unsure in his mind as they spoke about it more.

They stopped speaking when you and Areum came down the staircase together, Areum looked at her dad as she walked into the room trying to keep a straight face on as she looked at him.

"She's hired." You giggled as she rushed over to the sofa and jumped onto Felix staring up at her father again,

"On one condition," She stumbled over the word a little but looked at her dad with confidence,

"And what's the condition?" He raised his eyebrows looking between you and then Areum for answers,

"She gets to bring her DVD's and we force both you and Lix into Disney nights." Chan nodded since he'd already seen 90% of the Disney movies that were out there as well as already know the Frozen movies word for word. As well as how to play most of them on the piano since his daughter had insisted on him learning it for her,

"That's fine with me, Lix?" Felix stared at Areum who had her forehead pressed against his as a way of intimidating him into agreeing with her, not that she would need to do that. Felix would give her the world if she wanted it all she would have to do is ask nicely.

"It's practically perfect in every way." He said as he quoted the original Mary Poppins moving causing Areum to yell out in glee and rush over to you giving you a hug.

"You can start moving in today and you'll start Monday, is that okay?" Chan questioned as he looked at you and Areum together, already it was like Areum had a best friend and she was enjoying herself and Chan could tell she liked you.

"Sure, I'll have Lix help me bring my bags over." You smiled at him as you looked at Felix who knew he didn't have a choice in the matter, he was helping whether he liked it or not.

The plan was to just take a couple of bags of clothes every couple of weeks instead of fully moving into the house, you didn't want to be in the way or make it seem like you were taking over but after three months of working with Areum and Chan, you'd moved in. The bedroom you had to yourself was on the top floor of the house on its own and had a small en-suite bathroom. It was nice having your own space to live in and after a while, it didn't even feel as though you were working for him, it just felt like you were living with a friend. Chan insisted on never letting you buy take out food unless you were buying it on your own at the weekends when they weren't eating with you, all of you shared the same food that was in the house it was basically like living with Felix only with a smaller best friend with him.

The first month of living in the house had been awkward, it took you a little time getting into the swing of their routines but once you got into it everything was great. Chan would go out for a jog every morning at 4 am, sometimes earlier if he didn't sleep that night you found out after the first week of being there his sleeping schedule was a little whacked out. You'd gone done one morning at 2 am to see him sitting in the living room watching an action movie so you joined him. Areum was at school three days out of the week so you would have to get her up and ready for 8 am while Chan went to work but over time you got to know them both a lot. Chan had changed a lot since high school and you ended up getting to know him on a deeper level finding out more about him than you did back then.

Tying your hair into a ponytail you headed down to the bottom floor to go out for a morning run, since moving in with them you'd started getting more active on the weekends. Chan didn't need you around since he didn't work them and you needed something to fill your time with while you had nothing to do. Running and swimming had been your main source of something to do other than hanging around Felix every weekend or trying to organise something with your friends who always seemed too busy.

"Morning," Chan chuckled as he walked into the porch to see you staring out of the small glass panelled windows. The rain was hammering down against the glass which was why he'd already made you a hot chocolate when he heard you moving around, he knew you wouldn't want to run out in that and made a drink for you. That and it was going to be his way of bribing you into helping him out today with Areum.

"Looks like it's going to rain all day, you're probably better off not running in that." He handed you a mug of hot chocolate and you smiled thanking him for him as you followed him into the living room he sat down on the sofa,

"Areum still sleeping?" You questioned as you sat down on the sofa beside him being careful not to spill the drink over.

"Yeah, I think she wants to bake today and I know Saturdays are your day off but..." He trailed off as he looked at you giving you the best puppy dog eyes he could manage and you giggled. After spending three months in the same house as Chan it had become very clear his cooking skills were less than great and when it came to baking you didn't want to put it to chance.

"The hot chocolate was a bribe huh?" You laughed at him before nodding as you thought it over,

"I mean if you're a bad baker you better admit it now." He challenged as he stared into your eyes, you scoffed at him as you sat up straight taking a playful offence to his remark.

"You'll be glad to know I'm an okay baker, better chef than I am a baker but I can help her," You laughed softly as he began thanking you repeatedly, he was just happy he didn't have to call someone else to come in for backup.

"I was scared I would have to call Felix or one of the boys over. I swear they're just as bad if not worse than me." He moaned out rolling his head over the back of the sofa thinking back to the times he'd invited Felix to bake a birthday cake for Areum.

"True. I've tasted Felix's attempts at homemade pizza and I barely lived to see today." You whined out playfully putting the mug of hot chocolate down on the sofa, Chan laughed along with you shaking his head as he turned to look at you.

"He told us you make his lunches for work! Is that true?" You nodded as you giggled thinking about it, all those times you used to wake up extra early to make breakfast and lunch for you in cute little lunch boxes.

"When I nannied for a different family I still lived at home so I would make his lunch when I made mine," Chan chuckled as he shook his head remembering the notes that Felix used to show him which you'd left in his lunch boxes.

"Seriously, if you'd tasted Felix's cooking you would be glad he never bought it to work, I swear it could melt eyelids off." You whimpered as you rolled your head back against the sofa and smiled at the ceiling just enjoying the peace and quiet you were having. Chan started telling you about one of the cake fails he and Felix had encountered before and you laughed it off together, shaking your head as he told you they'd ruined the entire thing by mixing Salt with sugar,

"You did not! That's awful!" You groaned thinking about the thought of eating a salt vanilla cake.

"Areum still ate it," He mumbled as he continued to laugh softly at it both of you staring at one another as you laughed together. Suddenly it was like you were the only ones in the room Chan moved a little closer to you on the sofa and you smiled nervously as you felt a shiver run up and down your back. There had been moments between you both throughout the last three months that made you feel like you had feelings for him but it would be wrong. He was your boss…But there was always something there. Just last week you were walking back up to your room after using the main bathroom shower since yours only had a bathtub and you both bumped into one another. Staring into each other’s eyes as you waited for the other to say or do something. Then there were the times you would accidentally cuddle one another while watching a movie or brush up against one another in the kitchen. Small things that made your heart race and your mind fuzz up just thinking back on them. Your eyes locked on Chan’s as you tried to say something, a small comeback for the salt cake but Areum’s footsteps came racing down the stairs and you moved away from him.

"CUPCAKE BAKING DAY!" Being screamed out by Areum who was dressed in an onesie and black apron tied around her waist, it looked a little big for her but she was still wearing it anyway.

"Ready for baking I see?" You giggled as you sat up straight and turned your body to face her eyes lit up as she saw you ready to bake with her,

"You're baking too?!" She seemed to go up in pitch as she got excited about you baking with her and her father,

"Yeah, we'll make some cupcakes after you've had breakfast and I've changed. Sound good?" She nodded at you sprinting over as she hugged your legs tightly,

"Sound fantastic!" You patted the top of her head before leaving and that was when she turned to her dad, smiling as she began listing off everything you were going to need to make today a baking success.

"Are you both ready?!" Areum questioned as she walked in front of you and Chan, slapping a pink spoon against her hand as she marched around in front of you as though she was some kind of sergeant.

"Yes, Chef!" You both called out to her in unison as she smiled pointing at the aprons on the back of the kitchen door for you both to take,

"Daddy can have the pink one. I want to match with Y/n in our black ones." You smirked as you saw the disgusted look flash over Chan's face about wearing a bright pink apron, you knew how much he loved wearing black rather than brighter colours.  

"Hey I mean, the princess on the front really makes your eyes stand out," You teased him and he glared at you playfully, pulling you close when Areum wasn't looking at you. His chest pressed against your back as he wrapped his arms around your waist,

"I'm going to ruin all your cupcakes." He whispered in your ear a seemingly innocent thing to do but your brain was freezing as all you could think about were his arms around you. From the moment he pulled you into his personal space your mind went into a brain fog and all you could think about was Chan kissing you. Your skin tingling as you felt his skin on your own, you had goosebumps up and down your body as you laughed it off trying to pretend like you had felt nothing but Chan had felt it too. He smiled at you as he stepped to the other side of Areum. She was standing on a stool in front of the Kitchen island as she waited for you both to start helping her,

"Coca powder!" She yelled out reading from a list of ingredients in front of her. Chan handed her the powder, continuing on like that while you both handed her everything she needed like a doctor in surgery when they would ask for a surgical instrument.

Areum was decorating all of the cupcakes with chocolate fudge icing while you and Chan helped with your own icing bags trying to do your best to follow an image she had up on Chan’s tablet.

"Hey, Y/n...You have a little something," Chan mumbled as he glanced over at you making you look up at him, he pointed to his own cheek as to where the mark on you was and you reached up to wipe it away.

"Where?" You questioned feeling nothing on your face, he sighed as you touched the wrong space over and over again,

"Chan where?" You giggled out as he continued to sigh at you before he shook his head at you,

"Right here," Before you could even react he placed a large squirt of chocolate icing across your cheek making you scream out in surprise as you felt the chocolate run down your face and hit the floor. Areum looked down at the chocolate and then back up to her dad who seemed to be laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.

"Right...Channie, You have something just here-" You picked up some flour from the bag and threw it in his direction making him spit some out onto the floor after getting some in his mouth. Areum started laughing as she watched you both starting a food fight in the middle of the kitchen, she took her small plate of cupcakes into the dining room where she could protect them from your warpath.

"Christopher!" You cried out when you felt an egg yolk run down the front of your shirt making you groan at how cold the egg was,

"Oh! Christopher and Channie? We bringing out my full name and nicknames?!" He laughed harder, he hadn't heard someone use 'Channie' for him in years, even Nayeon stopped after they'd left school but it was refreshing to hear from someone else and it even made his heart jump. The only person who ever called him Christopher was his mother and that was only when he was in trouble.

"Chris! Put down the eggs!" You called out as you backed away from him, Areum watched from the door frame as you and Chan continued to throw random food items at one another from across the room. It was the first time she'd seen her father this happy in the longest time and she'd missed seeing the huge smile on his face so much.

"Areum! Save me!" You cried out as you ran past the dining room door, grabbing her as you held her in front of your body, kneeling down so you could shield yourself away from Chan.

"Don't bring me into it!" She yelled out before darting away from you letting you get hit with an egg to the chest, you groaned out as you held your hands up.

"You win! White flag!" You yelled out as you looked up at Chan, panic-filled him as he realised you looked as though you were really hurt by something and he rushed down to your side to check you over.

"Did it hurt? You okay?!" His voice cracked which made you feel almost bad for what you were about to do but you reached up and cracked an egg on top of his head. He stared at you in silence while Areum rushed over to give you a high five and dump the rest of the bag of flour onto Chan's head both of you giggling to one another.

"I'm going to give you a five-second head start..." Your eyes widened and so did Areum's as you scrambled to your feet trying to get out of the kitchen as fast as possible. Chan began counting down loudly so you both made a run to the living room, the front door opening to reveal Felix standing there drenched in water.

"FELIX RUN!" You screamed out running past him to save Areum but Chan picked you up from behind spinning you around making you scream out,

"AREUM SAVE YOURSELF!" You yelled out as Felix assessed the situation laughing when he saw the state of you and Chan he shook his head. He knew that both of you would get along well enough.

"What happened?" He laughed once Chan finally put you back down on both your feet and let go of you, you brushed some of the flour off in Chan’s direction and he wiped some of the egg off him onto you.

"Baking disaster," You laughed looking up at Chan who was standing directly behind you, his chest once again pressed against your back.

"Can you go and held run Areum a bath? We'll clean up down here, I think it’s only fair I help clean since I helped make the mess." Chan told Felix as you looked back over at the kitchen which looked as though a food bomb had exploded inside. Felix smirked to himself at the thought of you and Chan getting closer to one another, for a second when he walked in he thought it was just a lovers embrace he'd caught but then he noticed the food and realised you were only playing together.

"Sure. I'll take a pizza has payment though." You rolled your eyes at him but promised to buy him his favourite type before he ran up the staircase to help Areum clean herself up and find her some clean clothes to change into for the rest of the day.

Later that night Felix and Areum were asleep under her bed, they'd passed out watching Moana together so you and Chan left them there for the night. After the baking incident and pizza, all of you decided to have one of the famous Disney nights you’d been wanting to do which resulted in the biggest kids falling asleep before the fifth movie was even over. Covering them both in a blanket while smiling to yourselves about how cute they looked you snuck out of the room being careful not to wake them when you shut the door,

"Thank you," Chan said as you both got onto the landing of the middle floor, you frowned wondering what he meant and he smiled weakly,

"For coming into our lives, I-I mean Areum's life. I don't think I've seen her this happy for a while..W-We're both happy you're here I just meant..." He stopped when you giggled softly at how he was starting to stumble over his words but he continued talking. He truly meant every word though, it wasn’t just Areum that you’d been helping out with. You’d helped with Chan too without even noticing it.

"I just wanted to say I'm glad you decided to come with us, it's been great having you here." He smiled as you stared up at him, the longer you looked at him the more your heart began to pound. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip as he tried to think of something to say to you until he finally bent down a little, tilting his head to the side and closed his eyes. Without a second thought about it, you matched his actions, leaning forward to kiss him. Your lips brushed against one another and the same shock you'd felt earlier that night came rushing back to you making you smile against his lips. He relaxed a little wrapping his arms around your waist as he drew your body closer to his. You wrapped your arms around the back of his neck pulling yourself closer as you run your tongue along his bottom lip he smirked parting them slowly for you as you made out in the hallway. Everything around you seemed to disappear as you kissed him, everything was starting to feel right in the world when the sound of a door opening made you break apart. Chan cleared his throat scratching the back of his neck and you shivered trying to think of something to say to get out of the situation with Felix.

"Going to shower." You mumbled as you walked towards the stairs ignoring Felix who was smirking at the both of you, having seen everything he needed to see already, the kiss was more than enough for him to confirm you both liked one another. He could tell by the blush on Chan’s cheeks he liked you a lot.

"G-Going to go and erm...Go water the plants." He was never a good liar as he began making his way down the stairs,

“Chan?” Felix called out as he looked around the corner at the blushing man,

“You don’t have plants.” Chan let out a noise Felix didn’t understand or think was human as he ran off from him but Felix only chased after him wanting more answers.

The door to your room had a small knock on it and you frowned turning over to check the time, it wasn't even 2 am yet so you knew it wasn't going to be Areum. Unlike her father, she could sleep like the dead. You rolled over in the bed as you made your way to the door,

"Chan?" You frowned when you saw him standing there in a hoodie and some sweatpants, you yawned looking at him for some kind of explanation,

"Couldn't sleep...I brought snacks and a movie." He lifted up the small portable DVD play and a bag of marshmallows as his only bribe.

"Did I wake you up?!" He panicked looking at you he knew he had but he still wanted to make it seem like he was shocked you were asleep. Over the last couple of months whenever Chan couldn’t sleep you would find one another watching a movie together downstairs, it had almost become a sort of tradition between the two of you.

"No Chan, I've just come in from a scuba dive. Yes, you woke me up," You grumbled taking the bag of marshmallows from his hand and going over to your bed, you patted the spot beside you and he walked over to you. Somehow it didn't feel awkward between you despite the heated makeout session you were having five hours ago, you laid your head on his shoulder watching the action movie of his choice. Tonight was Mr and Mrs Smith which was a film you’d been wanting to see for a while.

"I thought you'd be awake...I'm sorry," You shook your head at him as you stuffed the marshmallows into your mouth,

"I'm okay, I like watching movies in the night." You mumbled tiredly as you continued to try and stay awake from the movie. You had no idea what was making you want to do this but the thought of Chan being alone when he couldn't sleep hurt you to think about, you wanted to be there for him whenever you could be.

"About the kiss..." He whispered to you an hour later, you rested your chin on his shoulder to look at him and he turned his head to look at you, you didn't say anything as you waited for him to finish his sentence.

"I want it to happen again." He admitted to you as he licked his lips, your heart jumped as he told you exactly what you were thinking and you nodded along with him and he smiled glad to know you were on the same page about things.

"Will it ruin what we have going on with you as a nanny?" He questioned hoping for the answer to be no. His eyes flicking between your eyes and your lips as he fought the urge to kiss you again without hearing what you had to say first.

"Not if you don't want it to...W-We can hide it from Areum-"You tried to tell him but he cut you off,

"I don't know if we can hide it, I mean I faked not being tired just because I knew you would stay awake with me...I wanted to spend time with you." Your heart began to pound faster as you realised he wanted to be with you. That he wanted to spend as much time with you as you did with him. You shook your head at him shutting the small portable DVD player down being glad you didn't have to fight the urge to sleep any more. Your eyelids were getting too heavy to keep open anymore.

"You'll have to keep you cool around your daughter Mr Bang." Your lips brushed against his and he smirked as you teased him a little making him whine out,

"I can do that..." You smiled at his words before leaning forward to finally connect your lips to one another, a small and soft kiss to keep you good until the morning.

"Good. Now let me sleep." You whined out at him snuggling down into the sheets as he sat up waiting for another kiss from you. You knew he wasn’t going to move so you kept your eyes shut as you threatened him playfully,

"Either cuddle me to sleep or sleep downstairs on your own." You mumbled not wanting to stay awake longer than you had to know you knew it had just been a ploy to get closer to you. He chuckled shaking his head and sliding down behind you, spooning you as you held onto one another.

After another a month of sneaking around behind Areum's back it was beginning to get harder and harder to hide things from her. It was harder to control yourself around one another when all you wanted to do was act like the couple you really were. Areum wasn't dumb for her age and she could tell there was something going on when her dad would sneak out of your room in the mornings or when she would catch you wearing one of his hoodies. It wasn't like you wanted to keep it from her but you wanted to make sure the feelings were strong enough before either of you decided to tell her what was happening between you.

"I think she knows," He mumbled to you one night as you laid in your bed together the movie of choice had just finished and you were trying to sleep in the dark. He had his arms wrapped around your waist as he kissed the back of your neck softly.

"Why do you think that?" You whispered to him, playing with his hands while you tried to get him and yourself to sleep, you knew if you traced patterns into his skin he would slowly start to drift off. It was one of the cute things you’d learnt about him over your nights like this together.

"She keeps asking if she'll need a new babysitter soon..." You laughed softly and rolled over to face him,

"Do you think she'll need a new babysitter soon? I-I don't want you to keep paying me if we're together..." It would be far too weird for him to pay you for being a nanny while your relationship keeps developing.

"What do you mean if we're together...I thought we were already together," You rolled your eyes at him as he took what you meant too literally even though he knew exactly what you meant by it,

"You know what I mean, I already feel weird taking money from you. I would have to find a new family to nanny for if we came out officially..." He shook his head at you, kissing your lips softly as he tried to get you to relax a little,

"I make more than enough money, you wouldn't need to find a new family to nanny...Y-You could just be a part of this one." He raised his eyebrows as he looked at you trying to see if you would be comfortable with that. He knew he had strong feelings for you but all he knew about your feelings were that you liked him a lot,

"Chan, you can't say things like that." You moved away from him biting down on your lip as you stared at him,

"Why not?" He sat up in the bed tilting his head to the side as he looked at you,

"Because I can already feel myself falling in love with you if you keep saying things like that i-it'll only make me fall harder." He smirked as he pulled you back to him finally happy to hear the words fall from your lips.  

"Then fall harder, I love you too." You whimpered as you kissed him passionately, whining out as he carefully laid you down in the bed running his hands down your body.

The next morning when Areum couldn't find her dad in his bed she snuck up the stairs to your room knowing he would be with you, pushing the door open and smiling to herself as she saw you both laying there together. She didn't say anything as she walked into the room, sandwiching herself between the two of you and smiling as you both woke up to a kick in the ribs as she attempted to get herself comfortable.

"I think someone knows," You mumbled as you turned over to see Areum laying on her back with a giant smile on her face, happy that her dad and someone she viewed as a best friend were finally happy together. It was becoming increasingly obvious it was the case.

“What gave you that idea?” Chan grumbled as he was forced to wake up,

"Can we have pancakes for breakfast? Then can we watch Frozen 2?" Chan groaned as he pulled a pillow over his face wanting to hide from Areum as she quizzed on him the Disney movie you could all watch.

"What about the little mermaid? Chan can we watch the little mermaid?!" You asked as you sat up in the bed and looked at Chan who was pretending to sleep under the pillow as you decided to join in with the begging of Disney movie watching. It was getting to the point where he knew he would have to lock all of the DVD’s away at some point.

"Areum, tickle attack in 3...2...-" You tried to whisper but Chan moved the pillow to look at you both. Giving the pair of you a warning look as he began talking,

"If you both want to live I suggest you don't- TICKLE ME!" He screamed out the last bit as both you and Areum began to tickle him wildly making him laugh and wriggle around on the bed uncontrollably as he tried to threaten you about how there were no more Disney movie nights. This was the beginning of a bright and wonderful future together. 

Tagline: @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @channiewoo​ @minholuvs​ @lkwonmj​

[2jaeh]

Body Paint | Wong Hendery

Genre: fluff, mature themes

Warnings: slight nudity, body painting ?, slight hair pulling, dirty talk

Words: 1,5k

AUTHOR SIN

Youre partnered up for a painting project with Hendery, when he has the the brilliant idea of painting each other...for the project Ofcourse.

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You set a couple canvases onto the wooden floor of the studio you and Hendery had rented for your upcoming art project. It was for the varsity final exhibition and the task was to be completely experimental while perfectly collabing with your partner. Hendery, the quirky black haired boy you were partnered with walked into the room sipping on his ice coffee, 

“Any ideas yet ?” He smiled sweetly as he set down his backpack and walked over to the tray of paint. 

“Nah” you shook your head and sat crossed legged on the floor, “what about you ?” 

Hendery joined you on the floor before pulling out his ipad and you scooted closer to him to take a look. Your eyes widened when his pinterest board was practically filled with body painting art pieces, ranging from a back piece to a completely full body canvas. 

“B-body painting ?” you raised an eyebrow, 

“Yeah, I think it's interesting and it will perfectly showcase a collab as well as create something different from everyone else” Hendery explained and sipped the last bit of his drink. 

You wrinkled your nose at the screen, unsure of how this was going to work, how much body would you be painting exactly ?

“Problem ?” Hendery chuckled, leaning back on his elbows as he stared up at you, 

“How much are we painting ?” you scratched your head nervously, eyes still locked on the majority of his moodboard being close to nudity. 

“I think full body, front or back your choice” Hendery answered calmly, “I brought my tripod and camera so we can do it now, take a few pictures and edit it for the exhibition”

You stood up and Hendery discarded his coffee cup and immediately brought his shirt over his head. 

You stood up and Hendery discarded his coffee cup and immediately brought his shirt over his head. 

You stood up and Hendery discarded his coffee cup and immediately brought his shirt over his head. 

“Wait you're for real, don't we need to plan ?” you stuttered as the boy continued to strip down to his black boxers. 

“We should go with the flow I think it would look better if it was freestyled” He replied as you took in his confident semi nude figure waltzing around the room. 

You thanked the heavens you were in somewhat decent underwear today, especially ones that aren't too revealing. Hendery locked the studio doors and taped a piece of paper over the window just in case and began mixing paints as you reluctantly began undressing. 

“Don't be nervous, remember those people who were butt ass naked in our class two weeks ago ?” Hendery chuckled as he continued doing his duties. 

“Oh yeah that was really something” you reminded yourself of that dreadful experience. The only reason why you agreed to Hendery’s plan was because you were comfortable around him despite never seeing each other like this. He was an extremely sweet person and had always been respectful toward you and your peers. 

“Front or back ?” Hendery asked as he stood on the plastic sheet he laid out. 

“Back, I really don't want to be face to face with your uhm” 

Hendery burst out laughing when he realized what you were hinting at, “noted.” 

You gathered your favourite colours and got to work on his back, which was gloriously broad and honestly the perfect human canvas. Hendery hissed at the cold paint making contact with his skin but finally eased up when you began your workflow. It felt awkward at first but eventually became fun, as you watched your piece come to life against his golden skin. 

“I guess you're going with a darker style huh? I've always liked your work” Hendery mused as he lifted his arm making it easier for you to cover his ribcage. 

“I'm surprised you like it since your style is the complete opposite of mine” you chuckled, “its like good meets evil”

“I think that's why this idea is really going to be perfect, wow I can't wait to see the outcome of it” Hendery stretched up in turn making his muscles flex, which was quite...the sight. 

You were coming close to the details around the side of his neck and the closeness made Hendery really take notice of you, like really take notice. He watched you concentrate as you worked on his skin, your tongue darting out while painting was incredibly cute to him. 

Hendery had no idea you paid attention but you were definitely aware of him studying you and it kind of made you feel a bit more comfortable that you weren't the only one ogling. 

“Okay i'm done!” You took a step back and admired your work, “It actually looks pretty good.”

Hendery stood at the backdrop while you snapped a few solo pictures of him and showed off your artwork. “Wow it looks dope, those demons on my thighs are kinda sexy” he teased and you rolled your eyes, “they're supposed to be creepy not sexy” 

“They can be creepy and sexy, just like you” Hendery stuck his tongue out, “come on demon princess it's your turn.”

You and Hendery both agreed on a front facing canvas since it was a good contrast to your piece on him. You sucked in a deep breath as Hendery neared you with the brush and the instant contact made you flinch, 

“Too cold?” he cooed, as he carefully began working on your sternum area. 

“Y-yeah” you chuckled nervously as you felt his warm breath hit your chest, Hendery looked up at you, eyes slightly narrowed before his lips curled into a grin,  “I'm sure you can handle anything babe.”

Where the hell did the sweet boy from earlier disappear to and why the hell did he just turn you on with just his words ?

Hendery quietly painted away, making sure to steal glances at you and his fingers danced lightly across your skin. He was gentle, making sure to touch you appropriately at all times even though you wished he wasn't so courteous for a second. 

“Okay I'm all done we should take pictures before it gets messy” Hendery ran over to the camera and began snapping a few shots of you. You were about to walk over to the camera to see his work when he held his hand up to stop you. “Wait we need to take a few together! I just want both canvases to look perfect”

You nodded and stood back in place while Hendery set up a self timer and jogged over to you. Thinking it was just a normal picture you stood as you were before but Hendery moved your arm to caress his face while he faced the other way and wrapped his arm around your waist. 

“Art is sexy remember” He winked as you recalled that stupid line your fine arts lecturer once said. You bit down on your lip and got into position, feeling a sense of excitement of Hendery’s grip being a little firmer than before. 

Hendery set the camera up once more and this time you orchestrated a position where Hendery stood behind you, showing a good portion of his back piece, and you faced front while he and you and him interlaced fingers. 

“For the finale we should make out, and kinda show the aftermath of the canvas” Hendery suggested and bit down on his lip, “are you okay with doing that?”

“Eh yeah that's actually a good idea” You agreed and Hendery quickly set up another self timer. 

Hendery grabbed your face in his hands as you wrapped your arms around his waist and looked up at him. His bright eyes suddenly darkened as they drifted down to your lips and pressed them against yours. The kiss was heated, crazily passionate for two people who had no prior feelings for each other. Hendery’s lips were soft and sweet, you could still taste the coffee on his tongue from earlier. His hand moved to your hair and he surprised you by slightly tugging on it which caused you to moan into the kiss. 

“Oh you into that huh?” he purred, and sucked your bottom lip between his teeth. 

He made you dizzy with lust. One simple kiss and you wanted him right then and there. He wasn't shy to grab your ass either as it was the only thing he was thinking about for the past four hours. 

“I think the….shutter...went off” you tried to catch your breath as Hendery’s lips already moved to your jaw and his hand gently squeezed his artwork around your throat. 

“Mmm, oh yeah” He sighed and licked his lips, breaking away from you and made his way over to the camera. Hendery sat up the final shot for the messed up canvases finale and made his way back over to you. 

The two of you posed side by side but you both could clearly hear the other person panting heavily after that heated kiss. 

The camera shutter went off and Hendery grabbed hold of your wrist and turned you to face him, “So y/n, There's only one shower” he smirked, “...do you want to wash away our artwork together ?”

[jjksblackgf]

garfield

pairing — min yoongi x female reader genre — smut word count — 1.4k summary —  “If he knew that you studying Spanish was going to be a huge turn on - and distraction, he would’ve invited you over sooner.” warning — explicit sexual content, masturbation (m & f receiving), cunnilingus

a/n — this one shot is one of my favorites kskjsk, not only I am learning Spanish, but I based this on one of my favorite songs: Pussy Talk by City Girls. I was inspired by the Doja Cat line: “Pussy gives speaches, heartfelt. Said the pussy really talk like it Garfield”, hence the name of the shot. Anywaaays, enjoy <3

“I really think I shouldn’t be here,” you said to him “Is 2 in the morning, you need to focus, I need to study... I don’t think this is the best idea”

“Really, it’s fine” he disagreed with you “I was feeling alone, there’s almost no one in the company right now,” he said “Plus, I’ll be with headphones on, so when I finish this we can go home together”

You didn’t want to agree with him, scared that would interrupt his workflow. But since he wasn’t even going to notice you…

“Okay, go do your thing and I’ll be practicing over here” you stated.

Yoongi puts his headphones on and starts to mix a few recordings for an upcoming song, but in a moment of silence he notices you speaking a few phrases, and now he’s hooked

“Sólo puedo pensar en ti” you said carefully, trying not to have too much of an accent. “Eres el amor de mi vida” He closes his eyes. He heard that one before and knows what it means. His heart is now pounding on his chest, the song his working on no longer being the sound he wants to hear.

He takes a deep breath and tries to concentrate again. He’s working, and you said it wouldn’t be the best. But this song is boring now, it’s not the same as hear your girlfriend say love phrases.

No! No. Work. Focus, Min Yoongi.

“Voy a soñar contigo” Aw, fuck. Great, now he’s getting hard.

He moves in his chair a little bit, trying to get more comfortable, but it only gets worse, the friction is now in his attention and he tries not to cuss. He doesn’t want to interrupt you, nor wants you to know that Spanish turns him on.

He tries to go back to work and starts to click random things on the screen as a way to try to concentrate, but he wants you too much and can’t get you out of his head. 

He has an idea. It’s the only way to get to concentrate again.

He peeped at his back, to see you laying down on his couch, which would make his job a lot easier.

He sits by your side, taking your legs and putting on top of his, caressing your thighs lightly. You look up from your book to see his gaze directed at you.

“You look really sexy talking Spanish, baby” he said softly

“Oh yeah?” you asked with a teasing tone, already know where he’s leading into. You then sit up, removing your legs from his, only to place yourself again on his lap, straddling him.

You come close to his ear and whisper “Estoy enamorada de ti”

He groans at the sound of your voice, his bulge getting tighter. You finally notice his pants, deciding to place a hand on top of his jeans, squeezing it gently. “I told you this was a bad idea” you spoke looking into his eyes.

“Define bad” his voice was commanding and strong. He didn’t want to be teased any further, so he leaned forward to give a sweet kiss. The softness of his lips was the first thing you took notes about, only placing a few pecks, before placing your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

For the first few seconds, your lips were locked and still, before you decided to break the kiss and slightly lick his bottom lip. At that moment, his hands went from your wait to strongly grab your ass as a protest.

Before he whined any longer, you kissed him again. This kiss being slow, yet intense. Yoongi made sure his tongue was soft and dominant, but not overpowering. Releasing the grip from your ass, he traveled one of his hands to your back, and the other to the side of your neck, bringing you closer.

You tilt your head to the side and remove his hand from your neck, placing it on your breast instead. You both squeeze it at the same time, the pressure creating two sets of moans. His hand stayed there for a minute before you decided it was time to move it again, this time back at your thigh

“Kiss my neck” you asked after breaking for air. He did as you wished

Starting at your collarbone, he placed wet kisses alongside your neck, increasing the pressure with each kiss. He then reached your jawline, kissing it a few times before biting the same spot.

You went to retribute the kisses at his neck, but this time your hands traveled back to his crotch. You palmed his dick as you reached his ear, biting his earlobe softly.

“You’re going to drive me crazy” he shifted in his seat, looking for more friction.

“Take off your pants, then” you said teasingly. And so he did. Unbuttoning his jeans and lowering down with his boxers, exposing his cock.

Maintaining strong eye contact with him, you licked the palm of your hand before moving it to his tip. He hissed and threw his head back, only to miss you spitting in his dick to lubricate it more. 

As you circled the tip with the palm of one hand, the other went to his length, moving it up and down very slowly to continue with the two different moves. He moaned once more as both your hand were now in up and down movements but circling it in different directions.

“Look at me” you commanded. His eyes were too shut in pleasure to respond to you at that moment “Look into my eyes, Yoongi” the pleasure he was feeling made him seem hesitant, but he wanted nothing more than look into your eyes.

He bit his bottom lip as your hands increased the pressure, and you - knowing damn well what you were doing - licked your lips from side to side, making him growl. He needed to close his eyes again.

But he didn’t want to cum like this, he wanted to cum with you, he wanted to make you feel good as much as he was feeling good. So he grabbed your hands to stop all your movements.

“Lay down” you were confused, but you obeyed. Without missing a beat, he took off your shorts as you took off your shirt, leaving you with your panties only.

He opened your legs and sit in between them, having a privileged view of your soaked panties. He touched your core, moving his fingers up and down a few times before placing his thumb on your clit with circling motions.

Your hands when directly to your bare breasts, closing your eyes to give in to the pleasure. He was still admiring you, studying your facial expressions as he moved your panties to the side and feeling your wet core, using your lubrification to go back to your sensitive spot.

“Yes” you let out loudly “Keep it like this”. He absolutely loved seeing you like this, absorbed in pleasure, but he knew he wanted to do more than just use his hands.

He moved you a little more, so you could be sitting in front of his kneeling figure, placing both your legs on his shoulders, he placed soft kisses on your clit before licking your folds from bottom to top, spreading your juices.

He then proceeded to circle your clit with his tongue but not yet touching it, making you a little impatient. But before you could complain, he sucked your clit, making you gasp and arch your back a little.

He looked up and saw your head thrown back with the arch of your back, hands still squeezing your tits, and his dick twitched, wanting to be inside you. But it wasn’t time for that yet, so he settled with pleasing himself with his hand.

He continued to switch between sucking it and licking it for a few minutes, with a grip on the back of your thighs to keep you from moving. Your hands went to his hair as you felt a knot in your belly and your clench on nothing. Yoongi saw this as a sign to continue at the same pace and sucked deeper as you gripped more of his hair.

You screamed with your release, feeling the hot sensation of Yoongi’s mouth leave your pussy as he gave your clit some space to breathe.

With his mouth glistening and laughing with his signature gummy smile, he said “I thought you were going to scalp me” 

“HA HA” you said, before getting on your knees and pushing him to lay down on your floor.

If he knew that you studying Spanish was going to be a huge turn on - and distraction, he would’ve invited you over sooner.

[junko-and-riri-domain]

exam season ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ni-ki

“you aren't wasting my time, and you need rest. please, ___ this isn’t healthy.” riki pleaded, and he seemed so genuinely concerned for you.  “I know we’re labelled as rivals all the time but I want to get to know you better. as someone who ranked 1 consistently, I wanted to meet the one person who managed to achieve the same thing."

or 

you and nishimura riki are rivals under the same company. after all, being the same age and pretty much the same level of talent made you and him quite unstoppable. the company thought it’d be a good idea to let you two meet and get along, but it turned out to be quite the opposite ordeal. though, this always remained to be a respectful rivalry. nothing petty.

warnings : overworked reader, insecurities, fainting from exhaustion, hints at negative body image ( good ending ) 

note : this is also off the top of my head, please ignore any mistakes !

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ rest under the cut

what were you supposed to think?

you had to admit it to yourself though, similar age and practically same amount of skill in dance would mean that this unit would be pretty much unstoppable. it’s just ;; the unspoken consequences of young teamwork at play. 

training for about half a year at belift, you’ve become quite popular among the trainees. they describe you as a dance prodigy. if you were going to be honest, it was kind of embarrassing. the spotlight was okay depending on the circumstances but, to be described as something so honorable made you feel like you weren’t worthy of it. on top of that, your vocals were always stable while practicing, making you stand out and always place #1 on exams. 

and so you started to practice harder, with the same thought of

‘i have to prove that i’m worthy to be labeled as a prodigy, otherwise why else am i here?’ 

to ni-ki, you were always so hardworking. sometimes, he thought it was too much. he’d pass by the room you were practicing in during lunch breaks and he would see you dancing your heart out, sweat threatening to fall from your face. he could tell you were tired, but due to the rules, he wasn’t allowed to talk to you. he considered you his opponent in a way, but it wasn’t to the extent of ruining your workflow. 

and to you, ni-ki seemed like a charming rival. the way he danced had always mesmerized you, his snaps and swift moves are always close to perfect. this motivated you to practice even harder, despite already achieving extreme skill. you often nitpicked on yourself and keep saying that you’re not doing something well enough, and that you’re not good enough and you have to try harder. you honestly thought he was kind of annoying. not only is he literally so tall, he's a dancing machine. everything that you wanted to be. ni-ki may have been your unspoken rival, 

but overcoming your extreme feeling to be better than the previous day is your true rival. 

coming home after training, you were always exhausted. as much water you drank, it never felt as if it quenched the thirst you brought upon yourself from working so hard. while doing homework you always zoned out, your concentration nowhere to be found. at some point, you even stopped messaging your friends as much as before, ignoring any notification that popped up and practicing till the sun peeked above the horizon.

this feeling of wanting to slip away into well-deserved rest never sat right with you.

'if I have time to do something, then I'll do it now. rest can wait.'

---

the week before, an exam was assigned to all the trainees. the exam was to be separated by gender, but you thought this was kind of dumb. and so what did you do? you asked the choreographer if you could take both of the choreographies instead of being categorized into one section.

"that's a great idea, ___! I'll allow it this once, since you always rank 1 anyways. in fact, why don't I ask riki if he wants to do an co-op exam with you? you guys are the same age right?"

all you could do was let out a hum and nod.

'nishimura riki... I hope I don't mess anything up.'

"he always ranks 1 in exams as well so I think it'd be perfect!" he continued, a bright smile flashed across his face at the realization of a great performance in development.

he walks off, and briskly walks to where riki usually practiced.

phew

you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. you've done many exams before but it had never been with another person. trying to convince yourself everything would be okay, your intrusive thoughts came in again.

'what if i embarass myself? what if I can't learn the choreo and mess everything up? what if he doesn't like m- wait. that doesn't even matter- ugh.'

you stood there for so long thinking to yourself about the future that one of the trainees had to tap you on the shoulder to make sure you didn't see medusa or something. repeating your little sorries and thank yous, you left the practice room and went on your way home.

you'd think that after weeks of non-stop overworking you'd hit your limit by now. the thing is, you never learn your lesson until you have to learn it the hard way. and that's exactly what's gonna happen.

---

back to the present, riki was currently doing a run-over of what he thinks you guys should do to make the choreography better. if there was one thing you and him had in common, it's that you always wanted to be ranked 1 through hard work.

however, you disagreed with some of the steps he created, and respectfully asked if you could show him what you were thinking of. in all honesty, riki was quite impressed. he'd never seen you dance up close since all he was able to do was take quick glances, but seeing you pour your heart into what you love and being absolutely great at it, it kind of gave him the feels.

yes. the feels. the butterflies. 🦋🦋🦋

though, in the next moment, butterflies was far from what he felt. his stomach did a full 180 and his face in such a shocked state as he watched your eyes roll back as your body practically shut down in front of him. he sped down to your side quickly and shouted for help, as he tried to shake you awake.

"please please wake up, I'm not sure if you'd wake up at all if you fell asleep so please..."

was the last faint thing you heard before slipping into unconsciousness.

---

beep , beep , beep

your eyes flutter open to reveal that you were in the nurse's office in the same building. to say you were relieved was an understatement, hospitals scared you a lot more since they'd have to call your parents.

looking around the dim room, it still resembled a hospital room, monitor, needles, riki, IV, wait. riki?

your eyes practically shot back to where he sat, head bowed down in an awkward position, closed eyes with phone in hands.

honestly speaking, it was kind of cute. but you knew it was uncomfortable. and you also felt SUPER guilty making him wait for you and practically ruining practice. he stirred a bit, easy to wake up due to the uncomfy position his neck was in.

in a couple of seconds you hear him ask, "___? you're awake?"

"riki.. what happened?"

"the trainer, our choreographer and the building's medical team were all here. they said that you were overworking yourself. not only that, you didn't eat, drink, or sleep enough. which I can only assume is because you're constantly practicing."

"... I'm guessing that has to be true then, if I'm already here. riki, I'm sorry."

"sorry for what?"

"for wasting your time. you didn't have to be tangled up in my mess if I wasn't an idiot and asked them for a different exam. we could'v-"

he cut you off, “you aren't wasting my time, and you need rest. please, ___ this isn’t healthy.” riki pleaded, and he seemed so genuinely concerned for you.  “I know we’re labelled as rivals all the time but I want to get to know you better. as someone who ranked 1 consistently, I wanted to meet the one person who managed to achieve the same thing. you didn't disappoint me, you didn't waste my time, in fact, it was fun watching you disagree with the things I said. but then you fainted in front of me. I had no idea what to do, but thankfully Jungwon-hyung came in and helped me. but all that aside, your body needs rest. I've talked too much."

"it's okay, your voice seems to be making me sleepy anyways."

he didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.

you handed him a spare pillow from your bed though, so he'll just take it as a compliment for now.

he didn't know what took over him in the next few seconds but he slowly put his phone in his pocket and reached his hand out to you, his hand resting on the bed right next to your waistline. as if it was beckoning you, your hand gravitated towards his, and the warmth of his hand and his comforting presence was enough to lull you back to sleep.

---

all the trainees in the floor were gathered in practice room #1, awaiting the announcement to see who got rank 1.

of course, they were expecting you and riki, but not together at the same time.

"nishimura riki, ___ ___. rank #1"

you and riki looked at each other in excitement, you could do nothing but listen at the moment, but celebration was in order later.

celebration? oh did you mean cuddles, making sure you're rested well and eating okay, hand holding, and a whole lot of light-hearted teasing? yeah.

[end]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ written by junko

|blog masterlist|

[legionofpotatoes]

I love your art, it is very detailed in a neat way. Was wondering how you got started making it as a source of income? How did you get your first paid work, I'd love some advice on how to get started, if that's ok

Thank you. Of course it's okay, although I doubt I have enough work experience in art to really delve into this. I only went full freelance this year, and had been juggling art as a side hobby until then. If you're still interested in my somewhat narrow perspective, and are okay with my long-winded rambles, I'll give it a shot:

So to answer your question fully, I'll describe how I started and move into personal advice and learnings later on. As a disclaimer, I am a white cishet dude in my late twenties with a moderate cocktail of mental illnesses, but overall I can pass for a functioning adult so a lot I have to say may come laced with privilege I cannot fully identify.

So uhh I began drawing in around 2012? I think? Maybe halfway through 2011? And I mostly made fanart for things I enjoyed and tried to branch out in communities that felt nourishing to my style and interests (I caught a bug for alt posters and enjoyed mainstream movies so I spent a long time on posterspy early on). There were a handful of opportunities that came from there but I could only accept a couple because of primary workplace commitments. Still, it showed that networking in a focused community was definitely a good place to start; I myself have huge trouble committing to social networks and really staying socially active, but I knew it was an essential ingredient in succeeding so I tried to make myself be involved in challenges and art support trains etc. as much as I could.

In parallel to all that I also ran a few third party online stores (redbubble, teepublic) for disposable income and would sometimes, if rarely, hit around $100-150 a month from those sources combined. It is a sort of thing that requires helper accounts on other social media sites to promote it on, because the stores themselves have a huge volume of content that translates into low organic discoverability. Obviously it was never gonna be the way towards financial independence through art, and with community projects being few and far between, I opened private commissions in around uhhh 2017 I think, focusing on offering a few styles I knew I could do well, and sometimes operating in individual fandoms (it was mostly a bioware thing to be frank). But I had to close them back down after a year or so, again because of work-life conflict and how badly it was burning me out. The reason I kept trying to monetize this hobby is because I honestly hated what I did for my main job and wanted to see a way out in some shape or form in the future.

And then in 2020 I had to quit my main job altogether because of *gestures at pandemic* and deal with a mental breakdown from all the wonderful things it did to us and me specifically. I took a short break and decided to give art a shot full-time, and that was around May this year. I was planning on opening up commissions again (and I still am), but a few sudden opportunities that fell in my lap moved that timetable down and now I'm grateful to even be doing something I am getting adequately paid for.

So, with that somewhat limited perspective, here's what I've learned that I'd tell myself if I was just starting out:

1. Being a fan of something can be a shortcut towards effective networking kickoffs. Which are important evidently. If you love something and enjoy making content for it, join communities, settle into a combination of social media websites that feel right for those interests + your body of work + your inner rhythm, and try to play to content discovery as much as your mental health allows you to. Like I said, I know that I myself am incredibly bad at self-motivating to talk to people, so I found that synergizing common interests into fanart - which I enjoyed making anyway - could be a way to give myself a gentle nudge forward and build those bridges leading to community activities, which then net experience and coverage. Sometimes even freelance projects from official avenues. Again; picking the right spaces for what you're after is key. Companies roam twitter, concept art recruiters scour artstation or linkedin etc, instagram can land you private commissions and collab opportunities, so on and so forth. Find your niche and try to kick up dust. However...

2. I do not believe that any social profile can replace a good portfolio. The thing that made an immediate difference to me this year was building a coherent, simple website with my best work front and center and a contact form on top. Every single opportunity I got came from that form (maybe via twitter or instagram initially, but always sealing the decision after going through the website), so I firmly believe that showcasing your skills and portfolio in a visually arresting and user-friendly way is a big priority. I had some reservations about tackling that task but fortunately I had help from a savvy life partner and we slapped it together via wordpress in less than a day. Twitter/whatever social media is prevalent in your target groups is definitely important to get the right eyes on your shit, yes, but those eyes will then look for a second stop where your work and rates are more clear and concise. Simplicity is key imo, I cannot overstate this. So make a cute, simple portfolio!

3. Your skills and rates will grow and change as you do. Let them. Over the years I built several lasting professional relationships from my obsession over mass effect and kept getting opportunities both from bioware and their partner companies, some small and some a bit bigger. A one-off job earlier this year opened an unexpected door to another much larger commitment, and then the work I did there brought some attention from small businesses looking for commercial commissions. These were all incredibly different projects in terms of scope and budget, and I've been tackling them all on a case-by-case basis and slowly coming into my own irt my needs, rates, and SOW thresholds. It is still a work in progress (and a LOT of literal work as well), and very much a thing I struggle with in publicly marketing, which is why I felt a tad underqualified to answer your question in the first place (obviously I did not let that stop me). But what it means for me now is that I am rapidly developing into whatever my "version" of a functioning freelance artist is, and when the conditions for that guy are met, I need to be able to confidently plant myself and operate from that space despite past precedents. Do not let anyone bully you into downpricing what you yourself perceive as legitimate products of personal growth and development. Speaking of which...

4. The shitty challenge of turning envy into inspiration, and paddling outside your comfort zones in full riot gear. it is hard, but realizing that being a miserable, self-hating artist in my early days got me nothing but more misery back was the first real step I took and what truly blew the hinges off. I was just not pleasant to be around, I would badmouth my work all the time, and it all somehow made sense in my broken mind because the validation I sought was purely external and the way I sought it was through eliciting sympathy via self-victimization (even when I made something objectively nice). It all led fucking nowhere. Except perhaps to my own narcissism that I one day managed to identify and start managing. So I started looking at things that made me seethe with envy and calmly deconstruct and figure out their inner workings instead, do studies, and find nuggets of inspiration or discover new ways to approach rendering or building up specific elements. It was an application of analytical diligence to what I wanted to be a purely emotional, esoteric workflow, but that I deep down knew wasn't. Art is a discipline and a skill, and maybe it isn't a straight line, but you gotta find some line to thread nevertheless. Being self-hating was almost an identity I had to break out of, and despite it still being like, 4-5% there? I realize its cause and effect on me, my work, and those around me, so it is with a conscious choice that I gently set it aside when I work and especially when I learn. It won't always stay quiet, but the effort is the difference. Your doors towards accepting true growth and venturing into uncharted territories, art styles, and networking will really open from there. But there's a huge caveat...

5. Toolsets, accessibility, privilege, and all the good things that enable artistic expression and profitability are not given equal to all. you might do all the mental work I mentioned to be ready to rock and roll and learn and draw your way out of anything, but digital art is a fucking money pit that asks almost too much at times. I don't got a good case study here but identifying and ensuring accessibility to the tools you need to do your best work is, like, super important. The ergonomics can improve as you make money and settle into the job, but the basics have to be made available to you. And some of that might not even be under your direct control. That can be anything from pen tablets to software subscriptions to opportunities in hiring sullied by sexism or what have you. You gotta navigate all that through careful networking and money/time management. I don't do a good job of devoting specific slices of time to work/study, and my primary clutch is iPad software which went from a good deal to a nightmare scenario over the years. So all I can say here is do what I didn't; network, invest in a PC/tablet, and pick a software you'll learn that won't burn a hole in your pocket.

6. Be nice to work with? This one is hard to articulate and has landed my own ass in hot water in my early years because of how socially inept I am, but nothing is more worthwhile than being.. like. a good person to work with. That can be anything like meeting deadlines, or sometimes missing them but eloquently articulating why, being generous in early stages, being communicable and not too wordy in your emails, having a good grasp on abstract artistic concepts and how to describe them in simple terms, having a clear, laid out framework of your working rates in commercial and non-commercial projects and sticking to those guns with grace, understanding when you need to say no and saying it well, the works. Just being nice. Sometimes that might mean going headstrong with something you believe in, or simmering down and sucking up to the big man, all relative and adaptive. Part and parcel of the service provision dance that we all have to do in order to make bank. Know your lines here, obviously, and don't like. work for nazis. or uh.. *shudders* exposure. but be nice and empathetic and communicable and word will travel eventually. Skill may be in abundance these days, but good people are most certainly not, and capitalism has a way of bubbling up scarcity. Grim, but uh, them's the breaks.

I know I'm ultimately telling you to like. Have a body of work, make a portfolio, grow, and network. But that's really how I see it for now. And being nice can be a cherry on top that sets you apart, along with the inherent irreplaceable voice of your artwork. I think I rambled on enough, but if there is something specific you need my help with, even if you want to come off anon and talk in private, please feel free.

[miss-noo-na]

Strange Love (Part 1)

Title: Strange Love

Featuring: Johnny (NCT) x Reader

Rating: Mature. Future updates to include BDSM themes

Summary: Your job is finally recognizing all the hard work you’ve been putting in, and assigns you to a special project that includes travel. The only downside is that you have to team up with your cocky co-worker. In the process you learn about his predilections and what he does to relieve stress in his downtime, and how they might come to benefit you, too. 

The copier spluttered and buzzed as it spit out page after page of the same report. Sometimes it jammed and you had to tap it just right for it to start up again, you knew it like clockwork now, not even having to shift your stance or your gaze to do it. You had made friends with the piece of equipment ages ago, this thing was older than some of the new hires in the office.

You had been there for 3 years now, but it felt much longer. You found the job out of college because of its promised upward mobility and company culture, and after a while neither one of those things mattered anymore. You had only had one partial raise and “company culture” really just meant there was cake in the break room once a month.

You didn’t know why you stayed. Actually, you did, but didn’t want to admit it to yourself. You were afraid.

You had always been timid, knowing what you wanted but too anxious to go after it. You could be stubborn and even stand up for yourself, but often you fell by the wayside, worried about making too much of a fuss. You developed a fine-tuned talent for painting on a smile, seeming agreeable, then grumbling under your breath and to your friends over drinks. You would convince yourself things would change, but they never did. 

When the copier stopped with its signature grinding halt you snapped out of your reverie, piling the papers in arm to hand them out around the office. Busy-work, per usual.

When you stepped out of the room you immediately looked across the hall to the windowed room of your manager, able to hear his muffled laughter, head tossed back as he slapped his hand on another mans back. Your eyes set into a narrow glare at the other person.

John Suh had only shown up 9 months ago and he was already 2 positions ahead of you, with his fancy degree and family connections. They liked to pretend they didn’t play favorites but it was obvious from the moment he stepped in the door that he had something the rest of you didn’t, connections and his daddy’s money.

Plus, there was just this air of overconfidence he carried that enraged you. Not only did he have an advantage, he liked to act like it was his savvy business sense and charm that got him there. 

The most annoying part of all is that no one else felt the way you did.

He was clearly attractive, the only person in the office who didn’t get shit from the boss for growing his hair out or not buttoning up his jacket. Every girl in the office from the 19 year old receptionist to the 67 year old accountant practically swooned when he talked to them. This, of course, made you look like the asshole to your colleagues. They called you distrustful and told you to be a little more open-minded, but you didn’t have patience for nepotism and unearned praise.

If you thought about it too long, the frustration built up and where did that leave you? You went about your business for the afternoon, intent on ignoring his presence like you usually did.

As you neared the manager’s door, he suddenly poked his head out and smiled at you.

“Hey there, can I grab you for a second?”

And then he disappeared inside, through the glass you could see him speak to your nemesis once more. Your stomach dropped, what could he possibly need? You set the stack down on your desk and returned to the office, clearing your throat as you entered since they were chatting and laughing like you didn’t exist.

“There you are, have a seat.” He said as he went to his desk, gesturing to the chairs in front of it. You were surprised when John took the seat next to yours, but chose to pretend he wasn’t there.

“I’ve had this project brewing for a few months now, and whilst going over potential candidates your name came up.”

Project? Your name? 

“You’ve been loyal to the company for years, your workflow looks great, and I’ve never heard a fuss out of you. You’re honestly a prime worker for this position.”

“What position would that be, sir?” You asked gently, knowing he had a habit of going on tangents if you let him. Plus, all of this was lip service you’d heard since you started. They were always quick to praise, but never do anything that actually showed that it mattered in a way that helped you. Empty compliments.

“This is our main office, and the system we have here is the best in the business, but unfortunately that’s not the case in some of our smaller offices. They’re falling behind and their technology and practices aren’t getting updated in a timely fashion. Basically, they need help, and that’s where you two come in.”

Two? You peered over at the man next to you from the corner of your eye, and quickly back again.

“I’m not sure I follow. Aren’t these offices spread out all over the country?” You asked.

“Precisely. We’ve opened up a position for trainers, someone who is free to travel and can help these places get set up. You would spend about a week or less in each place, we would make sure you have proper accommodations and a stipend, of course.”

It dawned on you what he meant and you felt a mix of emotions. It was about time someone realized your potential and the hard work you had been putting in, even if you were still confused on how your name got brought up. You didn’t have any problem traveling, there was no relationship or particular thing that kept you tied down in one spot.

“Oh, and the 30% raise.”

You perked up at that, then quickly tried to make yourself appear neutral again.

“That does sound enticing.”

“What do you say? I think you both would be great at it.”

You fully looked over now, and made brief eye contact with the man who offered you an encouraging smile.

“We would be working...together?”

“It’s a two-man, excuse me, two-person job. I can tell you now I think you would make an excellent team.”

You didn’t even know him like that, and everything you did know you weren’t particularly fond of.  You had maybe spoken a handful of words to each other, in passing.  Things like “excuse me” and “here’s that report you needed.” The idea of having to spend so much time around him didn’t sit well with you, but how could you pass up such an opportunity? it was strictly business, it’s not like you had to be best friends.

“Okay, then.” You nodded and forced an uneasy smile. 

“Fantastic! I’ll draw up the paperwork tonight and get you on your schedule within the week. In the meantime, I encourage you two to get to know each other.” 

You left the office, intent on going straight back to your desk, but your new partner stopped you.

“I don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced, I’m John, but everyone just calls me Johnny.”

He stuck his hand out and you had to fight the urge to cringe, there was no way in hell you were going to call him that.

You were cordial, shook his hand and told him your name, avoided eye contact. Being this close to him you didn’t realize until now how tall he was.

“You want to grab some lunch with me? My treat, we can hammer out some details.”

“I’m a little busy this aftern-”

“It’ll be fine, the boss insists we form a game plan and I know a spot around the corner.” He cut you off and started to walk away as if you already agreed. You wanted to fight him on it, but that wasn’t the best way to start out a brand new position. You sighed and followed.

The “spot” was basically a sports bar, that was practically dead, save for a few people at the bar watching a baseball game. You sat at a table near the back and wished you could get a beer, but you still had a whole work day ahead of you.

“So it’s like, part trainer, part teacher, part IT. Do you have any experience in IT? I actually started out in computer science before I switched to business, my dad thought it was the best for my career path. I mean, I guess he was right because here I am.”

He was….different, than you thought he would be. You only saw him in the office, turning on his charm and worming his way into things. Here, he was talkative and friendly, and it was throwing you off-guard. The casual humble-brag about his background wasn’t making him anymore likable, though. 

“No, I majored in English.”

I swear to God if he says-

“English? Aren’t you already fluent?”

You closed your eyes for a second while his stupid laugh rang in your ears.

“Anyway, I think this is going to be an awesome opportunity for us. I mean, how lucky are we to get picked for this?”

“I wouldn’t call it luck.” You grumbled before taking a drink, not really intending him to hear it.

“What’s that?”

“It’s not luck.” You said as you met his eyes fully for the first time. “Not for me. I’ve worked my ass off for this company for years, it’s only luck for people who got a head start.”

You sank your teeth into your tongue just as the words left you, and you could see the smile fade from his face. You suddenly felt flush and thought about apologizing, but he spoke up.

“Ah, so you think I had a leg up?”

“I didn’t mean-”

He waved a hand and laughed. “It’s fine, I know everyone thinks that, you’re just the first person to say it to my face.”

You couldn’t tell if he was offended and playing it off, or if he was really this nonchalant about it. 

“Look, no offense, but I don’t think we need to be buddies for this to work. I would rather just get in the field and work things out from there.” You explained as directly as you could. 

“That’s fair.” He nodded, to your surprise. 

The small-talk ended and when he tried to pay for lunch, you insisted on giving your share. The rest of the day was uneventful, except for the twinge of guilt you had when you thought back on how you spoke to him.

When you got home, you collapsed on the couch next to your roommate, a graphic designer who worked from home and was always in her PJs. You envied her.

“Another rough day at the office, sweetie?” She asked, patting you on the head, condescending but still sincere.

“Remember that douchebag at work I told you about?”

“Oh, the cute one?” She asked with a smile, having seen him when coming to drop off some lunch for you once.

“Whatever, anyway.” You sat up to face her. “The good news is that I got a promotion to a position that lets me travel.”

“Hey, that’s great!” She beamed.

“The bad news is that we have to do it together.”

She looked to consider it for a moment before her lips curled into a devious smile. “On the road for work? Hotel stays? Working in close proximity? Ohh, this is like a spicy romance novel!”

“Ew, stop.” You scowled.

“Only if you stop pretending he’s not hot.”

“Someone can be objectively hot and I can still not like them or be attracted to them. He’s arrogant and he seems to think we’re on the same page somehow. He’s oblivious to his own privilege.”

“Okay, I get that, sorry for teasing you. But hey, this is the break you were looking for, right? Focus on the positive.”

“Thank you.”

She opened up her arms and you hugged for a long moment.

“Maybe while you’re traveling you’ll finally get laid.” She said suddenly into your ear, and you pulled back and glared at her.

“Sorry, sorry! I just know that lately you haven’t really been-”

You stood up from the couch as she spoke. “I’m going to my room now.”

“Let me know if you need help packing!”

You closed your bedroom door and sighed. She meant well, but she had a way of saying things so bluntly that it didn’t quite help. She was right about that, though. Your career wasn’t the only stagnant thing in your life. 

You hadn’t had a steady boyfriend in 2 years, and in that time had only experienced a sprinkling of dates that never went anywhere and the 2-3 times you randomly hooked up with someone to great disappointment. Frustrated was an understatement, and you knew part of it was bleeding over into your professional life. 

You didn’t expect to have any sort of passionate tryst while out for work, but maybe simply getting into a new scenery would make you feel better?

To Be Continued

[nightingiall]

where the skies are blue // a niall horan au (coming soon)

Sonia has known Niall for what feels like their whole lives. He is her best friend, her anchor, and occasionally, a pain in her ass. They are polar opposites. This is a fundamental fact they have always known. She likes making lists and checking them twice while he thrives on spontaneity. He is destined to fly away to unknown places while she is doing just fine on the ground. 

So, it is not surprising that when they are forced to reckon with the fact that their corporate job makes them both miserable, Niall's first instinct is to uproot and leave. What does amaze Sonia, however, is that he wants to take her along for the ride. 

A roadtrip AU about stepping out of comfort zones, discovering what it means to be alive, and untangling a years' long web of really complicated feelings all on a journey that changes everything.

C O M I N G     S O O N

Start date and update schedule TBA.

sign up for the taglist here // wattpad // read a preview below!

“Sunny.” 

Niall is currently lying face down on her couch, worn out from the day’s work and the fact that Sonia made sure he was fed, showered, and in comfortable clothes. He is watching her with a frown. 

“Yeah?”

She doesn’t realize it then but this is a moment she will think about a lot. The two of them, there in her tiny apartment, Niall giving her this somber look and Sonia feeling tired and helpless. She doesn’t realize it then, but this is a turning point. 

Niall’s fingers are twirling around a loose thread on the pillow, eyes glazed over in thought. “Why exactly does your boyfriend hate me?” 

Sunny sighs. Her laptop is a blurry light in front of her. Dev. She can’t lie, she has thought extensively of this very thing herself. Mulled it over on sleepless nights. Watched every single one of Niall and Dev’s interactions like a hawk, storing them to memory to analyze later. She’s really not sure why her best friend and her boyfriend can’t seem to get along. Perhaps, she’s considered, that it’s mostly to do with the fact that they are both, coincidentally, attractive men. 

Otherwise, what else could it be? When they’re not around Niall, Dev is an absolute sweetheart. She loves him to death, really. Something strange happens when the two of them are in the same room together, though. Dev becomes reserved and curt. He’ll always stay close to Sonia, always will find a way to have contact with her. A kiss on the cheek. An arm around her shoulder. 

Just twenty minutes ago he stopped by to drop off a dress of hers that she’d left over at his. It was meant to be a quick thing; she needed the dress for an event tomorrow and he’d deliver it to her, along with a lingering kiss, and be on his way. When he learned that Niall was over, though, something shifted in him. His beautiful smile became stiff, his tall and lanky spine tense. He’d invited himself inside and stayed until he was called into work, but not before subtly interrogating Niall and adapting that weird sarcastic persona that only Niall could elicit from him. 

Sonia didn’t like it. One, because everyone always seemed to be so happy around Niall. And two, because she wanted her boyfriend and her best friend, two people she loved to the ends of the earth, to get along. 

But she can’t tell Niall all of this. So she simply shrugs and attempts to get back to typing up a memo for tomorrow. “He doesn’t hate you.” 

She doesn’t have to look at Niall to know that he’s giving her a look. “I’m pretty sure he does. Just now when you went to the kitchen he told me that he doesn’t understand why you and I are even friends when we’re so different.” 

Now she looks up at him, shocked by this statement. “He said that?” 

“Yeah, he did.” Niall is slightly upright now, resting on his forearms so he can send her the full force of his wry look. Be honest with me, is what it says, and now Sonia is sighing. 

“Okay, fine.” She saves the document she’s working on, just in case this is a long conversation. “I don’t know why he doesn’t like you.” Even as the words leave her mouth she knows that’s a lie. Dev is jealous of Niall, this much Sonia is aware of. Why that is the case is beyond her. Sure, she and Niall have been friends since they could toddle, but that was no reason to dislike a person. Truthfully, this is one thing that’s always bothered her about Dev. Niall is important to her; why couldn’t her boyfriend see that? 

“You’re doing that thing with your nose,” is what Niall says to this. For his part, he doesn’t look all that upset anymore. 

Inadvertently, she scrunches up her nose. “What thing?”

He is visibly repressing a smile now. “You do this thing when you’re holding something back. It, like, wiggles.” He attempts to demonstrate but it only makes her laugh and she throws a pillow at him. “Hey!” Niall throws it right back at her, but he’s laughing too. “Since you’re being mean I guess I should tell you that holding something back was just a euphemism for lying.” 

Sonia gasps, feigning offense. “I’m not lying! It’s not like he’s told me why he doesn't like you. Every time I try to ask he changes the subject.” This, in her defense, is true. She learned early on that Dev hates talking about anything having to do with Niall. Which, now that she thinks about it, leaves not much else to talk about. After all, most of her life is connected to something about Niall. Considering they’ve been best friends for over two decades and they work together, this is natural.

Niall just looks at her for a while, his smile fading. Sonia feels a sort of heaviness settle over them at the absence of that ever-present grin of his. This is important, she realizes now. She cares deeply about this blue-eyed boy. This is a fact of her life that she could never ignore. It follows her everywhere, the shadow of him. She doesn’t know how to breathe without him, so how could she just allow a significant other to walk all over him for seemingly no reason?

“I’m sorry if Dev has upset you,” is what she says next, voice quiet, the only sound in the room now that the playlist Niall had put on earlier has faded out. She didn’t notice how silent the apartment had gotten. As always, she’d been too distracted by Niall’s laugh. “I don’t like that you two don’t get along. I promise I’ll talk to him about it the next time I see him.” 

Niall smiles again but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “It’s okay. I’m not upset.” That’s a lie. She knows it from the rigid angle of his spine as he settles down on the pillow again. Guilt pools in her belly. “You’re happy with him. That’s all that matters.” 

This moment. You’re happy with him. These words will play on repeat in her head for the rest of the night. Is she really? She loves Dev, this she knows. They’ve been together for nearly a year. He listens to her, respects her, makes time for her. But the truth is, lately, she’s okay with being away from him. He’ll go away to assist on a surgery at some out-of-state hospital or she’ll be away on a business trip or they could spend weeks apart, and she won’t miss him. Not in that aching, longing sort of way. 

Yes, she’s happy with Dev. But she’ll also be okay if he wasn’t in her life at all. 

That, she knows, is not the kind of love that keeps a relationship standing.

Silence settles over them then. Niall doesn’t prod the subject and Sonia doesn’t offer any more information. Her laptop screen, true to her prediction, has dimmed out, so she enters in her password again and gets back to work. She somehow falls right into it, her workflow, moreso because it’s a distraction from her current predicament. Dev and Niall. Dev or Niall. She never thought she’d have to choose between them. While no one is making her select one out of the two of them, she gets the feeling that it may be something she will have to do soon. 

She nearly thinks Niall has fallen asleep when he speaks again. 

“I’m so tired,” he’s mumbling into the pillow. She glances up at him, softening when she finds that he looks about two minutes away from passing out right there. “So tired.”

She sighs, adjusting her glasses on the top of her nose as she tries to finish up her work for today. There’s only one more item on her to-do list and she intends to complete it before hauling herself to bed. If she doesn’t, she won’t sleep. “You don’t say,” she deadpans, but mentally adds something to her list: get Niall his favorite sheet so he can go to sleep. 

When the quiet stretches on between them again, Sonia can’t say she’s glad for it because, suddenly, she can’t focus. There’s something heavy in the quiet between them, and she doesn’t understand why until she sees Niall shift his head to look at her, the shadows under his eyes more prominent than ever. She doesn’t realize she’s staring until he blinks.

“What are we doing with ourselves?” It sounds like a nonsense question at first, but the way Niall’s voice shrinks to match his feelings exposes his vulnerability. Their vulnerability.

“What?” She tries to brush him off, make it seem like she has no idea what he’s going on about, but her voice gives her away—breathy and uncertain. They’re definitely not talking about Dev anymore. She doesn’t want to have this conversation. Not now. Probably not ever, really. Even though they’ve been skirting around the topic for months.

Niall sits up slowly, and Sonia realizes that she’s never seen him look so defeated. It makes her feel defeated too. “This.” He gestures around them, her scarcely decorated apartment, the piles of files and paperwork currently burying her coffee table. “What are we doing? Why is it so hard to get out of bed in the morning? Why do I hate my job?”

I just want to be happy. His voice is suddenly as clear as day in her head, and something else comes back to her in that moment. She remembers what she said to him afterwards: “Yeah. Me too.” She remembers actually believing it, even up until she was standing in front of her parents’ smiling faces, their cameras held up as she posed with her degree on graduation day; she just wanted to be happy. 

“Niall,” she sighs, and the words suddenly escape her. She doesn’t know what to say to him, how to make any of this better. All she knows is that she feels the exact same way.

Neither of them say anything after that, but the look in Niall’s eyes tells her that it won’t be long until they won’t be able to escape the remainder of this conversation. She never pictured Niall with a desk job, and she knows why when she looks at him now. This bright, free-spirited boy was always meant to fly, as high and as far away as it took to reach those dreams of his that seemed to stretch miles and miles. But Sonia’s not sure she’s meant to fly with him. And maybe she’s selfish, but she doesn’t want to let him go before she can figure it all out. 

He’s done it once before, and she’d let him with promises of flying out to visit each other at their respective college campuses, despite there being hundreds of miles in between, and she doesn’t think she can do it again. At least not right now, not when she realizes how incomplete she’d been when the hundreds of miles between them had them losing touch.

It’s nearly midnight when she finishes her work, and when she looks over at the couch, Niall is already sleeping. As she drapes the sheet over him, she wonders how long she has until he decides to fly away again.

[badgersettlement]

Obey Me! transMC (OC) x Lucifer (Part 1)

After the exchange program (before going back)

Also MC having to deal with some shit from before their exchange (old crushes and so on)

I guess this is my first fic post ever... I had inspiration to write about my transMC Miguel (Mars) and well... Uh I don't know if it's good or not so yeah :') I hope u enjoy even if it's an OC Insert.

OCs: Miguel (Mars), Conan (his friend and colleague)

Warnings: Uhhh I guess alcohol consumption...? mention of terfs or so idk 

"Attachment to the other side"

Whenever I think back to that time... My memories come back as vivid as they were the day I first arrived at that place. The Devildom.

It was a crazy experience, a crazy dream, that changed my life.

I learned a lot, laughed a lot, cried a lot...

I suffered harder than I ever have before.

But...

I also loved harder than I ever did before.

I gazed into the eyes of death, and fell in love.

Hopelessly, desperately clinging to sanity.

My hand grazes the pact seal directly above my heart.

My home was chaos when I returned.

I hurt a lot of people with my disappearance.

Although it was tough and hard to do, I managed to get the balance back in my life.

A new feeling constantly plaguing it.

I miss them.

I miss them so much it hurts.

I want to go back. I want to stay there forever.

I miss him. I miss Lucifer.

Satan was right.

When I returned to the human world, a lot of opportunities presented themselves to me.

Being liked by the avatar of greed made me abundant in money. And being liked by the avatar of lust brought a lot of suitors along, craving to make me theirs.

At first it was overwhelming.

I worked hard to achieve my dreams, but I wondered if this outcome wasn't too exaggerated: 

Too good to be true.

Eventually I got used to it. I was grateful don't get me wrong. But as much as I'd like to say the opposite, all those riches didn't make me happy.

They made my life easier, yes, but the one thing I wanted wasn't near me. We were literally worlds apart.

It was so hard. Every day, every week, every month when I talked to them, not to break out in tears and beg them to pick me up and just let me live with them.

No. I needed to become stronger, independent, someone to be proud of! Only then... Only then could I allow myself to go without regrets.

And with these thoughts in mind, three years had passed.

I owned the apartment of my dreams and I worked as a dance instructor for the entertainment industry.

I had, undoubtedly, become more mature and serious (at least for my job). An aura of pride and authority could be felt wherever I went. For the first time in my life I was perceived as arrogant and unapproachable.

As an instructor and a manager I needed to maintain a face of professionalism and authority in meetings regarding my idols and trainees (to even get a say in the matter).

I wore black gloves to my attire, no matter the weather. Mostly to cover up my pact marks but... Maybe that was my way of feeling nearer to him.. maybe it was coping or a fashion choice. I don't know.

On this particular evening, I went for a drink with a colleague of mine, whom I also knew from university days. He had known me before my disappearance and him still being my friend after all that, I considered straight up a wonder. The only problem was, that his interest in me wasn't only platonic anymore. I had pretended not to notice, but he was making it clearer and clearer by the way he behaved...

"So", he took a sip of his beer before putting it back down again, "don't you want to tell me about the new guy who wanted you so badly he even followed you to your workplace?"

I sighed.

"He was introduced to me by the director. Apparently he immediately took a ... Liking to me and started to persistently ask me out."

"Hmm", Conan hummed taking another sip.

I leaned against the counter.

"I've been trying to reject him in all sorts of ways, but he just won't listen. He doesn't want to understand and apparently he doesn't care that I am... Not a woman. The moment I correct the use of my pronouns though, he starts to get all offensive, starting to talk about biology and whatnot."

I sigh again, this time I take a deep chug of my wine.

"So a terf, huh.", he shrugs, "What are you gonna do about it?"

"Well, if nothing else works, I guess I'll need to inform the director. It could disrupt the workflow and I won't stand for that."

"Ohhh Mister Instructor is scary"

I chuckled. "Ehh I am not though"

As we started to get a little tipsy, his mood began to shift. I didn't notice at first, but he suddenly looked at me in a more serious manner than before.

"Miguel."

"Hm?"

Breathing out he put his glass down once again (how many had it been?) and positioned himself for his body to face me.

"You know, there are so many people who want you... Ever since the time you came back you have been rejecting everyone left and right.. giving always one and only one explanation" ,I tensed up at his words, "that you are already 'bound to someone' and.. I just need to ask.. is .. is it the same guy you met during the year of your disap- 'exchange'?"

Suddenly, I really wanted to go home.

"I...", I adjusted my posture, "I would be lying if I said no. Yes. It's.. it's the same person."

"So you've been hung up on a guy, you can't even meet for whatever reason?"

My nails dug themselves into my skin.

"Well, it's not that simple.. I.. I can't really meet him right now, but that will change-"

"But you guys aren't even dating, right?", he interrupted.

I flinched at that and tried to compose myself before he could see the insecurity reflecting on my face.

"Well no. We aren't. But it's complicated-"

"Then let me ask you this: why are you, saving yourself for someone who isn't tied to you, who you can't even meet, who only calls you and mind you it's never even a video call? Even though", he looked me straight in the eyes, "there are so many people out there, who want you, who deserve you so much more."

Yep. He's definitely drunk.

And he's overstepping my boundaries. Greatly.

I took a deep breath.

"Look even though you might be right about some things you said, you don't know the situation. And honestly-"

He interrupted me again.

"What if he's cheating? It wouldn't even be called cheating! He could be having so many people on the side! See what situation you are in? Maybe he's just using-"

BANG.

I slammed my glass on the table.

"Conan. I would really appreciate it, if you stopped. You're overstepping my boundaries. And frankly it's making me uncomfortable."

He stared at me, shocked for a second, but began to laugh almost hysterically.

"Oh I'M overstepping my bounds? Please Mars, don't make me laugh. Before you disappeared for a year, to god knows where, you promised ME something remember? Back then at uni, you said you liked me, and that you wanted to be with me. But I was not sure if I was really ready for a relationship yet...

So you said you'd wait and boom. You disappeared!"

So that's how he's been seeing this.

"Conan, I-"

"And then you come back, strange tattoos on your body and all.. all... Different? And suddenly you don't remember your promise, and you talk about these people you consider 'new family' and how much you miss them and miss him and whatever the fuck there is...", he looks like he's about to cry, "and what about me? What about us?"

"I'm sorry Conan... I really am. I-", I let out a frustrated sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose, "Things simply didn't turn out like I thought they would. That's why-"

"Yeah fuck that. Really. You should at least give me a chance! I don't care what gender you are, you're beautiful and intelligent and I just ... I realized it only when you disappeared... How much I needed you.. I deserve a chance!"

I just shook my head giving him an empathetic look: "I'm sorry."

"No! Not sorry! Give me a chance, I ... Come on I deserve one, Miguel. Don't discard me like all those extras craving for your attention-"

This was getting annoying real quick.

"Conan, I never tied myself to you. And I never promised anything. We were young and I had a crush, yes, but that's it. Let's talk about this when we've cleared our heads, okay?", I waved at the barkeeper, "I would like to pay please."

"You can't treat me like this!", he grabbed my arm.

People around us were starting to glance over and the barkeeper looked at us with a worried expression before interjecting.

"Is everything alright over here?"

I shot him a smile.

"Yes, yes in fact I am leaving. Please don't worry about us.", my eyes met Conan's, "Mister Capinter, I kindly ask you to release my arm this instant. I am in no way obligated to explain myself to you, n'or is this any of your business. Romance between colleagues is highly unprofessional and I would like to keep it the other way."

He scoffed as I yanked my arm off his grip.

"If you will excuse me-"

"Every. Fucking. Time. Every time I try to get closer to you, you get all defensive and stuck up and start talking exactly like that. Like you don't even know me-", he shouts after me, "It's your fault I am like this!!!"

At this point, I am already out of the door on my way home. I couldn't have stayed too long anyways... Since I actually had plans to receive a call from someone. Although it was hard focusing on that, when I just walked out of a stressful situation like this.

When I arrive home, I take off my gloves and throw them on the counter while letting myself fall into the sofa, a frustrated sigh leaving my lips. My hands cup my eyes when I curse quietly. As my fingers slowly move towards my necktie to losen it my mind picks up on the trail of thoughts I had tried to ignore.

Will he remember this tomorrow?

Was this relationship based on his unrequited feelings all along? I don't want to lose him as a friend, but this just makes it harder...

Fuck.

I thought back on what he said:

'He could have other people on the side'

I trust him. I trust him, but even so.. it's not like I didn't think about him being with others. I do worry. I do, but I... I have to trust him. I just have to. What other choice is there?

I stood up.

"Oof.. I still need a drink."

Following my urge, I opened up a bottle of wine and poured me a glass.

And another one.

And another one..

Until a loud ringing woke me up from my daze.

On very tipsy feet, I made my way towards my D.D.D.

The display lit up, revealing the face and name of all my desperation.

I picked up.

"Lucifer."

[ssa-montgomery]

Behind Closed Doors Chapter 3

Word Count: 2350

Story Summary: After a drunken night together Emma and Regina seem to fall into a hidden relationship. Dinners that aren’t quite dates, nights together that they pretend never happened. No one knows, and it’s perfect. Though it seems somewhere along the line Regina started to feel more than she ever imagined she would.What will happen to this relationship, as well as their friendship when Emma brushes it off as casual and begins to date Killian? A heartbroken Regina and an oblivious Emma attempt to fix it. What if people find out what happens behind the closed doors of Regina’s home? Can Regina win back Emma’s heart?

Characters For This Chapter: Regina x Emma, David, Ruby, Granny

Warnings For Story: Angst, Smut, Heartbreak, Swearing, Alcohol use

A/N: This is a bit more of a casual chapter but the next one is certainly going to be eventful! I really appreciate all the support on this story so far, your comments truly mean a lot to me. I hope you enjoy this new chapter :D

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Feedback is what motivates me to work so please let me know what you think! Reblogs are also greatly appreciated.

Taglist is open!

Emma pushed the door to Granny's open and stepped in out of the cold letting it swing shut behind her. It was her first day back at work since that night at the bar, and her first time seeing Ruby since then. She was almost nervous to see her. At first, she had thought about just skipping lunch and finishing up the paperwork they needed to drop off at Regina's office in a few hours but she never missed going to Granny's to pick up her lunch when she was working. She knew Ruby, she wouldn't give up until she got some information out of her about what had happened that night and honestly, she had no idea what to tell her. She would be able to tell Emma was lying from a mile away.

"Well, if it isn't our little escape artist." Ruby laughed cocking an eyebrow at Emma and crossing her arms over her chest. "Where have you been?"

"Oh please Ruby you were too busy with Dorothy to even notice I had taken off." Emma teased walking over to take a seat at the counter. Ruby dropped the towel she was holding down onto the worktop behind her, her previous work seemingly abandoned now and leaned against the counter.

"Excuse me Ruby but I don't remember saying you were on your break!" The door to the kitchen swung open and Granny walked out with a plate in one hand, the other placed firmly on her hip.  

"I'm taking Emma's order!" Ruby countered quickly pulling out her notepad and pen that were tucked into her apron as if that had been her plan all along.

"A grilled cheese with a side of onion rings and large hot cocoa to go, it's already on." Granny recited shooting Ruby a look that she said she didn't believe a word of her excuse. "Did you forget she comes in practically every day?"

"You know me so well." Emma chuckled, it was true her order was always the same ever since she had first come to Storybrooke. When she had first arrived it had felt strange to have Granny remember her order whenever she came in. Before coming to Storybrooke she had never had a set routine, between moving around and being out of town for work she was never in the same place long enough to become a regular. Now it was comforting to know that Granny would have her food waiting for her every day.

"Fifteen minutes Ruby," Granny said. "Then it's back to work."

"Okay well you heard her Emma, you have fifteen minutes to spill everything that happened the other night." Ruby grinned tapping her red nails against the countertop. Ruby had been trying to get Emma to find someone for months now claiming that she needed a break from her constant workflow as both the saviour and the sheriff. It had created a few awkward moments of Ruby having an "emergency" and leaving Emma alone at a bar with some of Ruby's friends that she barely knew in hopes that she might hit it off with one of them.

"There's really not much to tell, I got very drunk and then." Emma paused for a moment. She wanted to tell Ruby the truth or as much of the truth as she could. She was her best friend and she hated lying to her but this wasn't just her secret, it was Regina's too and she wanted to respect her privacy. "I went home with someone."

"I knew it!" Ruby exclaimed, her high pitched shout attracting a few stares from people in the diner. Noticing the attention she had attracted she cleared her throat before speaking again lowering her voice so no one could overhear them. "So who was it?"

"I can't tell you that Ruby, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone." Emma shook her head dropping her gaze to the counter as she waited for Ruby's response. There was a nervous knot building in her stomach, she was afraid she would say too much and Ruby would figure it out on her own.

"Oh fine. Were they hot? Wait, was it a woman?"

"Yes it was a woman and yes, they were insanely hot." Emma nodded letting out a slight chuckle. Ruby's question brought back the image of Regina in that well-fitted corset and she found her mind starting to wander back to the way she had looked that night.

"Damn, I'm proud of you." Ruby laughed with a slight shake of her head. Her eyes quickly looked around them making sure no one was within earshot before she asked.  "So, was it good?"

"Ruby!" Emma wasn't easily embarrassed and she was glad she wasn't with a friend like Ruby because she always asked what was on her mind, no matter what it was.

"What? I just want to make sure you ditched us for a good reason."

Emma rolled her eyes and glared at Ruby who just chuckled and shrugged her shoulder. Emma was grateful for Granny walking over then with her takeaway bag in one hand and her cup of hot cocoa in the other. She placed them down on the counter in front of her and smiled warmly.

"There you go Emma, we'll see you tomorrow?"

"Same time as always." Emma grinned. "Thanks, Granny."

Emma hopped down off her stool and pulled out her wallet, handing the money over to Ruby. While Ruby entered the money into the cash register Emma gathered up her things, her stomach rumbling at the smell of the freshly cooked food. When Ruby turned back around Emma beckoned her over to the counter again. She pushed herself up onto her toes and leaned over the counter to whisper to Ruby.

"It was incredible."

Emma swiftly pulled away again shooting an innocent smile over her shoulder at Ruby as she pulled the door open and moved to step outside. She let out a laugh at the wide-eyed look of shock on Ruby's face at her comment.

"I will get a name out of you Emma Swan!" Ruby called after her.

~~~

"Regina."

"What?" Emma's head snapped up from the work in front of her to see David standing at her desk. The tone of voice David said her name in sending a wave of fear through her body.

"We need to go to Regina's office, to drop off the paperwork. I've been talking to you for the last five minutes Emma were you listening at all?" David sighed.

"Right. Yeah. Sorry, just lost in thought." Emma shook her head gathering up the last of the loose papers on her desk and slid them into the file. She threw on her jacket and tucked the file under her arm walking around the desk to join David. "Better not keep the Queen waiting."

The trip to Regina's office was quick and they spent most of the time discussing the new plan they wanted to propose to Regina, the same plan that had them swamped with paperwork and planning for the last week and a half. Both Emma and David had decided that only having two sheriffs in the town wasn't enough, especially with them both trying to balance their shifts so they could spend time with their children. Mary Margaret had returned to teaching so David needed more time off to take care of Neal and Emma needed her weekends free for when Henry was home. David had suggested that they could hire some new deputies and Emma had immediately been on board but they still needed to run it by Regina.

Emma walked into Regina's office, tapping her knuckles on the glass panel of the door when she already had it half-open. It took Regina a moment to realise who had walked in but after that, it only took a second for her to reach up and snatch her glasses off, quickly throwing them down behind one of the photo frames on her desk hoping Emma hadn't noticed but the grin plastered across her face said differently.

"Never thought I'd see the Evil Queen wearing reading glasses." Emma chuckled. "Is there not a spell for that?"

"Careful Miss Swan," Regina warned pointing the pen in her hand at Emma. "What are the two of you doing here anyway?"

"We have the request forms filled out for our proposal," David explained.

"Oh of course, why don't you take a seat we can talk a bit about this," Regina suggested.

Emma pulled out one of the chairs in front of Regina's desk and sat down. She looked at the photo frame she had tried to hid her glasses behind and smiled at the photo. It was of her, Regina and Henry from last summer. She still remembered that day so clearly. They were sitting on the grass in Regina's back garden with Henry between them, they both had one arm wrapped around him and Emma had stretched her hand around to rest on Regina's shoulder. She remembered the warmth of the sun as they had all sat outside drinking, it had been Henry's idea to throw a barbeque for the whole family and Regina had offered to host since she had the most space. The night had ended with Emma, Regina and David all in the pool still fully dressed after David had surprised Emma and tried to push her in. In her panic, she had grabbed Regina's arm and dragged her in with her, to say she was angry was an understatement. They had both managed to pull David in with them after that.

"So, if you were to take on more deputies for the station who are you considering?" Regina asked.

"We were considering possibly opening it up for people to apply but Robin and his Merry Men have been asking for work so we thought maybe some of them," David said.

"I was considering Robin and Will Scarlet in particular. Robin has helped us out a few times and I think given the chance Will could be a good fit. The Merry Men already do their own patrols around the woods we could possibly expand their borders. They've shown interest in the past and I think they'd be more than willing." Emma explained.

Regina had propped her elbows up on her desk, resting her chin on her joined hands. She was watching Emma closely as she spoke seemingly ignoring that David was even sitting next to her. It felt strange that her first proper conversation with Regina since accepting the dinner invite was a work meeting. They were a constant part of each others routine with work and Henry and even if they didn't see each other they were always in contact most days through messages or phone calls but it had been a few days now with no talking.  Once Emma had finished talking Regina nodded and flipped the file open to scan her eyes over the paperwork.

"Well it certainly seems like you have all the paperwork for this filled out properly but I'll have a thorough look over it. Personally I think it would work out nicely for the town so I'll see what I can do." Regina smiled at them both.

"Thank you for this Regina." David nodded a look of relief washing over his face. Emma knew how nervous he had been about this as he really needed the time off. "I have to go pick up Neal now so I'll talk to you later but I really do appreciate this. Emma, are you coming along?"

"Actually I going to stay and talk to Regina, just want to make sure Henry's ready for his trip with you this weekend. I'll see you back at the loft."

"Okay."

Emma watched David make his way out of the office and waited until she was certain that he was at least halfway down the hall before turning back to face Regina. The last person she needed to find out about what had happened was her father.

"Is everything alright Emma?" Regina asked. Emma could hear the slight hint of worry in her face and she noticed the way nervously picked at the notebook on her desk. Emma offered her a reassuring smile before she spoke.

"Everything's fine. I was just wondering if this dinner on Friday has a dress code?"

"No Emma." She laughed, any nervousness that had been there melting away. "You're red leather and jeans will do just fine. It's just a casual dinner and a chance for us to talk about what happened."

"Right so I don't need to break out any of Mary Margaret's ball gowns, got it." Emma nodded trying her best to make a serious face but she couldn't hide the grin tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"I mean you can if you'd prefer. I'm sure I could dig out some of my old ones, make it a formal event." Regina teased.

"As much as I would like to see you wear another Evil Queen leather corset to dinner I think I'll save the ball gown for another day."

Regina caught her lip between her teeth and a light red tint crept up her neck at Emma's comment. She was beautiful. Emma couldn't help but think it as she watched her tuck her hair behind her ear. That night was the first time Emma had ever said it out loud to Regina. The first time she had looked her in the eyes and felt she could.

"I should probably get going," Emma said finally standing up. She pushed her chair back to its usual place and leaned against the front of the desk. Reaching behind the photo frame she picked up Regina's glasses and looked down at them. They were a simple black frame that suited her. She lifted them up and slowly slid them back onto Regina's face. Her fingers gently brushed across her cheeks as she pushed them up and she felt Regina lean into the touch. "They look good on you."

"I'll see you on Friday Emma,"

Taglist: @thewaywardimpala​ @waknatious​ @sapphiccyanide​ @herstory1789​ @strugglepoof​

[its-bianca]

Studying/Planner Apps

Essential apps for studying, planning, health, etc. Who says everything has to be analog?

These are all the ones I’ve tried and downloaded (unless said otherwise). The ones with the * next to it are the ones I don’t use or have gotten rid of for personal reasons, but still highly recommend all of them.

I go through apps like a child goes through toys. I try them out, get rid of the ones I don’t like. Apps are toys.

There’s tons more, but these ones are the ones that I recommend to people with similar needs and schedules like mine. The ones I haven’t or don’t use anymore are ones I could definitely see being helpful to others or that I’d maybe use in the future if my needs change. 

Note: these are things from the App Store, but I’m pretty sure most are available on the Play Store too.

Podomoro Time Trackers

Forrest* - Haven’t tried this because you have to pay for it on the App Store, but I’ve seen everyone go bonkers over this app and how they plant trees for studying, etc. etc. 

Plantie - Best and only Podomoro app I still use. Gamified, but not TOO gamified. You just grow fruit, collect, coins, buy more fruit trees. It’s super simple, while still providing really good graphs and charts. Also, it allows you to turn off the feature where it stops your task as soon as you leave the app. Sometimes I need to use my phone for assignments, and I still want to track my time. It’s completely FREE, with GREAT charts as a visual. Other apps need a premium subscription to access the graphs and charts, which is why I love this app because even though the chart is quite simple, it does its job. Although, it doesn’t tell you when to take the longer break and it has to be adjusted manually. That’s fine for me, because I always get disturbed by something before I even get to 4 blocks, and if I waited until I had a big chunk, I’d never get anything done.

Block & Flow: Stay focused* - Podomoro but visualised with stacks of blocks for each day or week. And you can list out what tasks you have for that day and sort out sections for work, reading, school, etc. I didn’t need that feature, which is why I used Plantie instead.

Workflow Timer* - Another good option with options to make multiple tasks lists. One of the simpler and more user-friendly ones. It also looks really good!

Hours Time Tracking* - App for timeblocking, scheduling, and tracking the time while you’re working. It’s not helpful for me, because it’s practically impossible for me to strictly schedule something in my day after school, but could be useful for others. Really easy to makes tasks and separate by color. 

Stay Focused* - Simplest Podomoro timer out there. No distractions, no graphs, no gamification, just pure focus.

Planners/Calendars/Tasks

Wunderlist - Great reminder system, intuitive (type in “essay next mon” and it will schedule the task to be due next Monday), syncs everywhere, attach documents, etc. I used this for my assignment list, books to read list, schedule etc. for a long time, until recently where things got hectic and I wanted to make a daily to do list rather than only a master list. I use a bullet journal for school stuff now, but still keep Wunderlist for that shopping/movies/books/apps/websites to check out list. 

24me* - Personal assistant, lots and lots of features, with scheduling, to-do lists, notes, journaling, etc. Tracks weather and traffic to and from work/school. All in one.

Google Calendar - I don’t schedule on this, but use it to sync my school calendar with personal calendar. Easy scheduling and you can SHARE your calendar with a friend! All Google apps are made for collaboration basically. 

Habitify* - Habit tracker on your phone and tracks progress every day, showing when you skip and reminding you of it. Don’t quite remember why I got rid of it because checking back it seems really good. Might redownload. 

Trello* - Kanban boards, “cards” and lists, great reviews. I’ve heard people use it as a bullet journal sort of and project planner though that wasn’t it’s original purpose. I downloaded it for a club thing, but never really used it personally. 

Notetaking/Planning/Journaling

OneNote - I use this ALL the time, even though I don’t use my Microsoft account much anymore. My notes are organized and have a hierarchy. Very customizable with headers, notebook sections, pages, subpages, etc. Easy to share with group mates and an okay collaboration space if you want to see each other’s progress on research or something during a group project. MUCH better than having tons of Google or Word docs of notes. Completely FREE for the full experience.

Notion* - One in all workspace for journaling, notes, scheduling, planning projects basically a mini-website for your life and work. Great guide for bullet journaling on Notion from studyblr Eintsein here. Another Notion bullet journaling guide on YouTube here and here. I highly recommend it, but don’t use it since I use an analog bujo, prefer OneNote for class notes, and don’t have much use for it other than that currently. You do have to pay for unlimited notes, but there’s a pretty good amount to start out, and if you really don’t want to pay, there are workarounds to it.

Milanote* - Like Notion, but more restrictions on the free version. I don’t use it anymore because I’ve realized I didn’t really have a good purpose for it and it cluttered up my phone. In a way, it’s more ~aesthetic~ than Notion, but there are less things you can do. It does have a better learning curve though.

Evernote - I don’t use it often, but I have it to take quick notes or other stuff. Evernote is like a god in the notetaking world, because it’s user friendly, quick, and syncs up really easily with everything. 

Health

7 Minute Fitness - There’s a lot of these out there. Go find one or two. Don’t be sedentary.

30 Day Fitness Challenge - Same concept as above.

Simple Habit - FULL of free mostly 5 minute guided meditations (though there’s premium access). There’s no excuse now. Also, I used to try 10 minute meditations on Headspace which made me really sleepy. 5 minutes work best, because they’re quick, and if you want more time, just move on to the next part in the series or find another one. Lots of free series for basically any subject (school, women, mothers, grade anxiety, sleep) and SOS mode. Unfortunately, you can’t download any of them in the free version.

AloeBud* - Self-care pocket companion. Make reminders on your phone for every self-care thing you can think of. Schedule notifications multiple times a day with personalized messages. 

TaoMix2 - Mixer for relaxing nature/white noise sounds. It’s pretty restricted in the free, but it’s enough for me.

Cove* - If you’re a music person, this app let’s you make quick music and tunes matching your mood. A sort of an easy music therapy if you’re not good with instruments or composition. 

Reflecty* - Little journal buddy asking you fun/reflective questions about your day and tracking your mood. It’s short and sweet. Each entry is a “story”.

Oak* - Great for breathing and very simple guided meditations. Breathing practices for anxiety, freshening up, and calming nerves before a big performance. It just takes 15 seconds to breathe.

Grid Diary* - Journal prompts in grid fromat. Customizable daily prompts.

DayOne Journal* - Again, RAVING reviews. Everyone loves it. I haven’t used it because I prefer analog journals, but it’s a pretty good for travel journals with pictures, audio, video, etc.

UVLens - Reminds you to put sunscreen on throughout the day depending on your skin, activities that day, and type of sunscreen. 

Flo - Period tracker. Need I say more? 

Tasty - FOOOD (by Buzzfeed). New recipe ideas, includes shopping list, make your own cookbook.

KitchenStories - MORE FOOOOD. Includes Asian and international cuisine since it’s crowd-sourced.

Miscellaneous

Audiobooks - Audiobooks from the Gutenberg Project, but in app form. You can download classics for free, etc. There are some paid audiobooks, but they’re usually for better narrators/text corrections, so absolutely not necessary to get lost in an old book. Jane Austen, Charlotte Brönte, L. Frank Baum, all the good stuff.

Daylio - Tracks mood, activities, with intuitive charts. You can edit moods and activities shown per day. Free version is pretty good, and it replaces the need for making a habit tracker in my journal, because I don’t like making those.

Scannable - Very intuitive scanning app. I’ve used this for many legal/important documents and nobody had a clue it was “scanned” on a phone. It makes regular photos of documents easier to read and look like it came from a scanner. It can share as a PDF or jpg. Granted, you need good lighting for the best quality. 

Google Docs, Spreadsheets, Slides - Everyone’s probably used this before, but to reiterate, this is the best collaboration app/website. Super easy to share with real-time tracking and updates.

BEAKER by THIX* - For chemistry people. Mix compounds/elements together, make new compounds, see their reactions. Don’t have much use for it since my chemistry class is moving at a glacial pace but I could see this being useful for others. 

Chemtriz - Same as above, but gamified. You take elements and put them together in the right configuration to make compounds.

PictureThis - Plant Identifier - Weird addition to list, but it’s a cool app to get back in with nature. Now I know what a boxwood plant looks like.

IFTTT* - Hard to explain, but it enables different apps that don’t usually work together to work together. So if you input something in an email, you can make it go into a Google Spreadsheet(?). Just go check it out. It’s cool. Many shortcuts, track stuff in the Health App, get emails showing cool NASA pictures. 

Canva - AMAZING graphic design app/website for those who can’t use Photoshop (ie. me). It’s better online, but there are hundreds of templates for magazines, book covers, planners, posters, flyers, and basically any graphic design needs. Many free graphics and photos ready to use. Premium version is NOT necessary to get full benefits from this program. I used it to create this calendar for my room. 

[nighttimepixels]

Heyhey Night! I have a buncha questions after seeing all your animations and they're just so cool so! I hope this is ok!! Can u animate normally too, or only pixel? Not that that's bad, just wondering! What's ur preferred kinda animation? Do u prefer lipflaps or lipsyncs? What's the hardest part of the animation process?? What's ur favorite?? Any part u don't like? What's a thing people don't see that u put a lotta time into? Do u have a fave animation u've done? Thank u btw for all ur art!!

Oh stars, okay, yeah- I’m happy to answer all these!! I’ll break them up so it’s easier to read X) And awww geez thank you so much for your support, sweet anon! It really makes my day when people say they like anything I’ve made, and stars knows it’s all the more true with the sweet sweet time sink that is animation   (´•̥̥̥\\ヮ\\•̥̥̥` )

I’ll also put this under a cut since it gets a bit long :)

Can u animate normally too, or only pixel?

This one cracks me up a little, don’t worry about it XD I totally can! In fact I enjoy it a lot - and... gods, animation software is a nightmare and a half, to be honest. That’s the biggest hurdle.

I do just straight up love pixel art and the aesthetic I can achieve with it, but I do at times miss ‘normal’ (non pixel?) animation, heh. Especially sound-syncing! I do all my pixel art in Asesprite which imo is the best pixel art program, not to mention made by an actual pixel artist - buuuut it doesn’t have a sound file option. Which makes sense! Er, frankly, most pixel artists wouldn’t... use it to animate like I do? More for games, or for looping gifs? So I can’t complain much, it makes a lot of sense that it’s a low dev priority.

Now, when it comes to other animation programs... I’ve tried a lot. Unfortunately, the ones that are preferable for the feel I like are either way out of budget (stares at TVPaint in the distance) or... well, have too high a learning curve for my single-person workflow, really. (OpenToonz, sigh...) And a lot of the free programs are good for getting a start in animation, but once you get to a certain point you really feel the limitations (whether it’s workflow, sound import, exports, trying to make something more finished than a rough...).

Then... there’s animation programs I just don’t like, and a lot of those are angled towards bone-style animations (nothing wrong with those, they just don’t fit my style? and are too much time investment for a single artist to output more quickly...), or are, well, freakin’ Adobe Animate.

I... gods, I do not like Animate (formerly Flash). And I made a whole 2 minute+ animation in it a couple years ago! (It’s very rough and bad and doesn’t make sense, pfff, not gonna link it XD) It’s... clunky, and vector oriented, and freaking lines don’t go where I want them too, and it tries to predict too much?? It’s hard to put to words, gah. For me, my animation style would be much more... raster oriented. Flow, hand drawn inbetweens, yaddayadda. Animate’s great for... plenty of things, but not for that kind of animation. There are far better animators than I who make it work with freakin’ aplomb though! So really, it’s just my taste, haha.

.... Er, that got long! I’ll cut off more rambling about animation software and tl;dr boil it down to “I love animating period, but turnaround is something I have to keep in mind as a freelancer, as well as budget, and my current focus is pixel animations for a number of reasons.” X)

What's ur preferred kinda animation?

I’m not exactly sure what this one means! Between pixel and non-pixel? Er, they both have their pros and cons, so I couldn’t say! But if I have to break down my current animations into categories, I’d say I have cutscenes, loop environments, and the broad game-like animations...

The first would be something like this animation feat. teasing Edge, the second would be something like this one with skesgo’s Starlan and Cinnamon, and the third is... everything else! From headsprite loops to ‘small’ characters running and so on.

Honestly, they’re all a lot of fun for different reasons! Cutscenes are generally the most challenging, but they give me the chance to push my limits and try and pull off something cool, whether I’m having to conserve frames (to keep the cost of a commission down) or whether I’m going more all out (which is a pricey commission, or a fun personal project, lol).

Loop environments are their own challenge - it may not look like it, but I put a lot of thought into how to make them look as natural as possible! From timing of talking characters, to where to place a blink, to exactly how many frames it’ll take to ‘soften’ a motion (so people aren’t just snapping between major poses) and so on - it takes... a lot of time to animate even simple scenes well, so I do a lot of mental math on how I can keep things affordable when someone approaches me for a commission. And frankly, I totally undercharge;; but I do my best!

Game-like animations are just fun. They range, they’re silly, to intense (I’ve animated fight animations before for game concepts), to indulgent, and beyond! Headsprites are always a delight, especially if I get to push the expression X) and I love tiny things (I mean... I am a pixel artist...) so getting to make lil tiny babs even just walking can be fun - and also, a lot more time consuming than you might thing, esp if you wanna make it smooth, like this lil Frisk I did last month or so:

Do u prefer lipflaps or lipsyncs?

oTL

B... both??

Okay, lipsyncing basically is very time consuming. AND, I freakin’ love it. I love puzzles, and when it boils down to it, that’s what super fun & expressive lip syncing is (some Ghibli animations are the heckin’ best for this)...

and, I’m a pixel artist, without sound-syncing capabilities in her main art program oTL Yeah, I can export frames and line them up and check but... gods, it’s so time consuming. I’ve tried it out of desperation - but for even five seconds of sound (sayyyyy a lil Vine...) that’s hours upon hours of transferring back and forth just to check.

So even though I love lipsyncs, they’re too time-consuming (and ergo, if I’m being commissioned, often too expensive) to do often! Someday I’d like to get back to doing them more often, but for now, practically I stick to/’prefer’, in the loosest terms, to do lipflaps. For the layman, this is that ‘two frame’ (maybe three) open-closed style of animating mouths- however, I’m working on ways to keep that style, but make it more expressive! It depends on the project - and in commissions, I’ll pretty much always prioritize giving the client a little more body animation than mouth animation, unless it’d really fit what they’ve requested.

What's the hardest part of the animation process??

.... damn, this is a tough one! Sometimes I’d say it’s the initial concept work - but it depends on what I have to work with. Sometimes that parts a breeze - and honestly freeing, bc I can take the time to try and push what I’ll do with it!

Roughing is one of my favorite parts, tbh. It can be tricky, sure, but getting to go from keyframes to in-betweens & smears to adding the flairs of secondary motion (think hair swishing, or coats flaring, etc) is so exciting and satisfying.

From there it’s all refining, and tweaking...

Hm. Honestly, the hardest is probably the initial cleanup and lining. It’s cool to see it come together, but it feels so much slower, and it can drag - and then you find bits that actually don’t translate well from the rough stage, so you have to go back and rework, and oof it can just drag in this phase, heh. Plus, I’m always tempted to add more frames, but it’s not always realistic - I’m a perfectionist, to say the least, so I’m constantly having to leash myself back so I don’t turn a project into a half-a-year undertaking, pff.

What's ur favorite??

Probably gave myself away talking about the roughing stage X) It’s just loose and fun and free! But seeing it all come together is also damn satisfying too, so that’s not to say I don’t like the refining portions either...

Outside of that, I also really like the beginning of the color stage! .... Before having to translate shadows/highlights to each and every frame *shudders*. That gets tedious, but it’s so critical! Anyways, though, I heckin’ love colors. I always have a rough palette in mind at the start of the process, but I go ham and play with it as a little break and a true test when I get to actual slap together a full frame with full color, highlights/shadows included! It’s exciting, like a preview of the finished product, basically :D

Any part u don't like?

Heh, by the time I get to shadows/highlights, I tend to be getting impatient, I suppose. It’s not that I don’t like it - I definitely highly value it, and if it was the only thing I was working on in an animation that’d be different, but as a one-woman team I’m just raring to be done at that point; it’s very nearly the last thing I do, after all, so it’s a struggle to focus. X)

I suppose one that always gets me is more complicated backgrounds. It’s a work in progress, as I’m getting better and finding the fun in them for sure! But I’m still not where I want to be in translating ‘background concept’ to ‘finished background’ - it feels more stiff than my animations, I guess. So it’s a frustrating part... but hey, it’s part of it! And learning to embrace the challenge is a big help.

... I just always have to make sure I have a big cup of coffee and a good jam playlist going when I sit down to do ‘em, in the meantime.(=▿= ||||)

What's a thing people don't see that u put a lotta time into?

Definitely the coloring. This goes for both backgrounds and the animated characters themselves. It’s... never as simple as it looks? It’s time consuming, and while some parts of frames can be copy-pasted, I also put subtle work into the animations that mean that some pixels are off so it ends up being marginally faster to just recolor, but then there’s shadows, and working in pixels means that if I miss one then there’s a flickering pixel mid-animation, and sometimes there’s an unconnected line and then you bucket fill the whole damn thing, and gods know I’ve got colored lines so I have to be exacting with keeping the same ratios highlighted vs darker in shifting frames...

*deep breath*

... Yeah, basically the coloring is super time consuming. And balancing bg coloring with animated elements in the image itself is a whole extra challenge on top of that. For 99% of my animations, I can damn near guarantee I’ve spent at least twice as much time coloring it as I have animating it.

Do u have a fave animation u've done?

*looks at my goblin hoard of animations in horror like I’ve been asked to choose a favorite child*

... Stars above, I can’t choose! I love them all, and at this point a good portion of them are commissions- it wouldn’t feel right to choose!

*...carefully covers the hoard’s metaphorical ears*

... also, that said, I can admit a soft spot for any of them that involve humor. I tend to get to do extremely expressive faces and action there, even if I have to ration the frames, so it turns out really fun X)

And though rough and I’ve definitely done stuff I’m more proud of, I still crack up at this one I did a while back of the nonsense ‘ass’ joke between Red & Stretch... their faces were too much fun XD I’ve gotten waybetter since then though, Big Oof, I see so many things I can fix; might go back and redo it someday.

Honestly, though, I just freakin’ love animating! They all have their ups and downs andI always put a lot of love into them and find a way to have fun with it and try to push any emotion/theme (when applicable). I like to think it shows, but idk, that’s something I have to leave up to you guys X)

[goodnightkisseu]

Ong Seongwu - Resentment [Part 1]

Requested By: anonny​ (“ hi! could i please request an enemies to lovers scenario with seongwoo? i would really appreciate it, thank you!!<3 ”)

Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers

Word Count: 2446

Note: I struggle a lot with Enemies to Lovers as a prompt because I never know how I’m supposed to shift them into lovers ;A; This one was no different, but it was still an interesting one to write! It’s a two-part piece because I felt like it read better as two parts, so here you all go! I hope that you all enjoy it, and as always, feel free to let me know what you think! ^^

Enjoy~

Because of the situation with tumblr links, please check my bio for links to my masterlist~

- ashley <3

You were one of the lucky few who loved your job. You knew that wasn't normal. Usually, people disliked what they did, or a job was just a job to them. But you, you much enjoyed what you did. You loved simplifying complex processes, helping others by creating something that would make their day to day life a little easier. Maybe deep down you were just a big nerd and things like this made you feel complete and needed, but you really enjoyed doing it. The people at your job were collaborative too. Your coworkers were willing to chat with you, to explain their process so that you could make it faster, because honestly, the less that they had to manually do, the better. Whether it was to make the company's internal network simpler to use, or just providing a small set of tools to help their workflow, you got to make a difference, and you liked that a lot. Or rather, you used to love it.

Everything changed when he switched into your department.

Seongwu had been working at a different department, doing a similar job to yours. When that project was winding down, and yours was winding up, the company decided to shuffle some people around. The timing was absolutely perfect because for the last month you had felt a bit overwhelmed. Any help with tools was much appreciated. You were beyond excited when they announced that someone would be moving over. It was a bit lonely being the only one on your team, and you thought that having another person to talk to, would really make your day a lot better.

And when Seongwu had first arrived, you felt that. He was kind, even a little shy, but the two of you seemed to get along. He was a bit closed off, but sweet, and unsurprisingly, you found him attractive. After all, how did someone so good looking end up in your field? You had a small crush on him, though it didn't take long for your perception of him to change. The two of you would often chat and poke fun at each other, but one day, his jabs hurt a bit more than they used to. You tried not to let it bother you, but the more comfortable he got with your coworkers, the more time he started to spend with them. The more time he spent with them, the more he had to pick on you for, and soon, it wasn't fun and games anymore. The two of you were just hostile.

Seongwu had that personality; however, that made him very likable. He was fun, and he fit right into the team. It made you a bit of an outcast amongst your coworkers. The guys wanted to hang with him, while the girls wanted to be with him. It left you with about a handful of people that wanted to work with you, while the others just flat out asked for Seongwu instead. It irked you. You did your job well. Sure, you weren't going to go out for drinks with them later, but damn it, you knew what you were doing. You didn't like your ideas being tossed aside for Seongwu's. It was irritating being treated like that, but even so, nothing could be done for the time being. There needed to be at least two of you here, and hiring someone else wasn't an option. You were left to be miserable.

"Oh, Seongwu isn't here?" Yena asked when she reached your shared cubicle and realized that the male wasn't there. A frown formed on her lips.

"Ah, no, he isn't. Seongwu went to help the accounting team guys with getting their network set up," you told her, looking at the list of tasks that were currently marked 'in progress.' "Is it something urgent? I have some free time, and would be more than happy to help," you offered. Though, as typical of every time someone replied to you, you saw that forced smile on her lips, and you knew that she didn't want your help.

“That’s really kind of you, but I’ll just wait until Seongwu is back. Could you let him know that I was looking for him?” And before you could even agree, she left.

Honestly, you hated working with Seongwu. You didn't feel like anyone appreciated you, and most of the time, you felt like his secretary. And that was frustrating. You had more seniority than he did, but he just waltzed right in and made you look like a joke. It drove you mad, and there were times when you thought of quitting. However, the company treated you well financially, and you couldn't afford a period of unemployment, no matter how much you despised him.

Booming male laughter could be heard, and it immediately pulled your eyes away from the task you were working on. You lifted your head, peering over the cubicle, and saw exactly who you had expected to. It was Seongwu, walking with a bunch of the guys, chatting and laughing about something. When they arrived at your cubicle, they politely greeted you before scurrying away and heading back to work.

"You're in early," Seongwu stated, though all you could do was roll your eyes at him.

"I'm always in at this time, Seongwu. It's not my fault you're never here to see when I get in," you retorted.

"I don't know, I feel like you usually get in later," he challenged.  

On any other day, you probably would have argued with him. Today, wasn't one of those days, however, so you changed the subject. "Yena came looking for you. I offered to help, but she rejected me."

"Ah, I know what that's about," Seongwu replied as he stood up, eyeing you as you sat at your desk. "You know, you'd be a perfect secretary. Like you're so good at telling me when people come looking for me."

Those words hit a chord, hurting your pride. You had worked hard to get your degree. Did this asshole really just call you a secretary? Not being able to contain your anger anymore, you reached for your nearest plushie and threw it right at Seongwu as he was getting up to walk away. You had been aiming for his back, but your angled trajectory sent the puppy right for his head, hitting it with a thud. Seongwu stopped in his tracks, momentarily turning around to face you, utter surprise written all over his features. But almost as soon as that shock has spread across his face, it was replaced with a smirk as he walked away.

Even when you got him, it was so easy for him to disregard you. It was frustrating. You kept telling yourself that he wasn't worth it, even as you picked up your plushie from the ground. But that didn't mean his words and actions didn't hurt.

========

Your days continued on as they always had. The two of you trying to do your work while also bickering at each other. Your jabs never seemed to do much to Seongwu, but he had gotten some cheap shots in that made you want to throw another plushie at his head. One day, one of the upper-level managers called you and Seongwu into his office. At first, you thought that the male next to you had complained about the things you had thrown at him, but it was quite the opposite of that.

The two of you had been doing such good work, automating so much of your team's workflow that one of the other offices had asked if you could come and get their teams back on track. With where the project was now, it was possible for both of you to take a two-month trip to work at a different office. The manager had called you in to explain the logistics and to let you know that you should both pack your things and take the company car when you were ready to go. You both thanked him, telling him it was an honor before leaving his office. Yet as soon as you stepped outside, you were overrun by a sudden terror. You would be stuck with Seongwu... for two... whole... months.

"Two months? I have to share a place with you for two months?!" Seongwu exclaimed when the two of you got into the elevator. He made a face at the thought.

"It's not like I want to live with you either," you muttered, rolling your eyes at his overdramatic nature.

"Whatever. This has disaster written all over it. Just go home and get your things, and be back in two hours so that we can leave. I want to head out before we hit traffic."

"Yes, mom," you mocked, and this was the only time you managed to get the last word when talking to Seongwu. At that moment, the elevator stopped at the garage level, and the two of you exited. You got in your car and drove home to pack, but you couldn't help dreading that you would have to see Seongwu again.

Surprisingly, it didn't take either of you long to pack your things. After grabbing necessities, some clothes, and a handful of other items, you were back within an hour and on your way to your destination. Seongwu offered to drive, and the two of you were rather quiet as you set off. Seongwu fiddled with the music, trying to find something suitable to drive to, while you pulled out your phone, seeing a message from your friend, Jongin. He sent you a couple of texts asking if you were alright, having explained what your situation would be for the next couple of months. You quickly replied that you were okay for the time being. At his messages though, you couldn't help but smile.

Jongin had become a close friend over the years, which was surprising considering that the two of you had never actually met in person. You had started talking to Jongin after meeting him in one of your online group chats. Initially, you had only talked about your shared interests, but over time that changed. Your friendship grew close, and you started to talk about your everyday lives. You would confide in each other about things that bothered you or other life problems you were having. You knew that some people found it strange, but you didn't mind. After all, it wasn't like anyone at work was reaching out to you.

Following the message that said that you were alright, Jongin sent you a couple more. He must have been on his break at work. A couple of things were cute animal gifs. Other encouraging words for you before his last message that read, 'don't let that wannabe bro bother you. He's not all that great. He couldn't even dodge the plushie you threw at his head >)' making you giggle.

Seongwu must have heard you quietly giggling to yourself because you could see him peering at you out of the corner of his eye, a smirk playing on his lips. Oh shit. "Who are you talking to that you're giggling like a school girl?" he inquired.

"It's none of your damn business," you said quickly, sending something back to Jongin before locking your phone.

"Is it that guy you've been talking to online? Jongin?" he poked, watching as you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. Oh, he got you. "You know that guy isn't interested in you, right?"

"I don't need him to be. He's just a good friend," you insisted, inwardly cursing at yourself for having told Seongwu about Jongin. In your defense, it was before he started acting like such a jerk. It didn't mean that you didn't regret it though. Talk about giving him more ammo.

"I'm calling bull. I don't believe for one second that you don't want this guy to be interested in you. Look, you're lonely, so you're going to want attention from someone. I'm just telling you to not seek out a boyfriend from some random guy online. Really, you could probably find someone at work if you just clean up a bit,” he told you.

"I don't need to hear that from you," you said flatly, trying to stop the conversation in its tracks. You could feel your temper building. Seongwu had found a particularly sensitive topic and had been poking at it unknowingly.

"Oh come on, you know it’s true. If you just –"

"If I just acted girlier, changed the way I dress to be more feminine, slapped on some more makeup to the point where I don't even look like myself, and lost some weight, I could have any guy I wanted, right? Look Seongwu, you sound just like every other guy at the office. They've told me the same things when they were drunk out of their minds and weren't controlling their mouths. Want to know why don't hang out with you all after work? Having to hear them run their mouths like that is only one of many reasons. You aren't the first asshole to recommend that I change my entire being to attract someone. Your advice isn't special, so just save your breath," you shot back.

All of your anger boiled to the surface, and it all came rushing out in words that you had always wanted to say but were too afraid to. Seongwu was just the unlucky one that got the last push in, that made your temper of a volcano explode. You were still fuming, but you made sure that your eyes were looking elsewhere but at Seongwu. He had grown silent, and you weren't sure why. Wasn't he going to push you again, get the last word, and make you feel even worse? Why wasn't he speaking?

"H-hey, look, I didn't mean it like that..." he started, but when he saw you turn away from him, he knew that his words were futile. He had overstepped on this particular tease, and he didn't need another person to tell him that he had screwed up.

"Save it, okay?" you said shortly, wanting to change the topic. "Let's just... not talk about those things."

There was a bit of silence at that moment before Seongwu sighed. “Fine.”

You nodded, crossing your arms over your chest as you settled in, eyes watching the city flash by outside of your window. Not once did you pick up your phone, even though it was evident that you received a few messages. Your two months together had barely started... and you already wanted it to be over...

[alexswak]

From Castlevania to Boruto: Spencer Wan Interview

I myself had all sorts of questions after watching Castlevania, and seeing that Spencer Wan was so active on Twitter I thought I might try asking him, what resulted in a long interview. The scene he is best known for is the abstract black-lines-only part of the opening, but he had remarkable participations in many other known projects despite his young age. Other than Castlevania, where he animated, AD’ed and directed episodes even, he also worked on Boruto and Invader Zim among others. My notes are in bold. Conducted on behalf of AnimeTherapy and originally posted on their website.

 First tell me a bit about yourself and how you started with animation.

Spencer: You know, that might be the only question I wasn’t prepared to answer. I’m not great at talking about myself. Okay, I’m 25 years old and I’m from a small town in the Deep South. I got into animation after seeing Norio Matsumoto’s work on Naruto. I used to watch it with my friends in high school and I’d never seen anything like it before.  I’d intended to major in illustration when I got into college, but I ended up swapping to animation at the last second because I couldn’t get his work out of my head. I thought maybe I could learn how to make animation like that at school.

Where did you start your professional career and how?

Spencer: So after I dropped out of school I spent a year sort of just wandering around and doing very little with my life. I was having a hard time finding any sort of work, let alone artistic work. I ended up working in a tire shop for a while, actually. Dana Terrace was the one who dragged me out of that. She’s the creator of the show I’m working on now(The Owl House). I’d helped her with one of her student films when we were in school, and she was doing way better than me as a professional artist. She gave me a sort of a pep talk and told me about this animation studio called Animation Domination High Def that was looking for animators.

It's worth mentioning that there aren't very many studios in the United States that hire traditional(hand-drawn) animators anymore. We were even told in school not to pursue traditional animation as a career because those jobs didn't exist. Anyway, I applied the next day, they had me do an animation test, and few weeks later I moved across the country to work for them.

The work I did there was very different from the work people expect from me now. It was mostly parody cartoons, and we had to animate 2-3 scenes a day so it was hard to make anything look very good. It was a difficult job, and it wasn't what I wanted to be doing with animation, but it taught me how to draw very fast.

An interesting backstory, really. So you stuck with traditional animation because you wanted to create something like what Matsumoto makes?

Spencer: That's how I started anyway, but he was just my first exposure to this sort of animation. When I got older I came across the work of Yutaka Nakamura, Mitsuo Iso, Toshiyuki Inoue, etc. They're all incredible in different ways, but I could feel that they were also drawing on something similar. There's a sort of feeling I used to get looking at the work of a really talented Japanese animator, and I really wanted my work to illicit that same feeling.

It would've been a lot easier to change tracks to storyboarding or design. I had enough technical skill to do it, and there were many more opportunities available, but I stuck with traditional animation because I was chasing that feeling. I knew I couldn't be satisfied as an artist until I understood it.

Alright, now to more specific stuff. How did you get involved in Castlevania?

Spencer: Well after working at ADHD, I ended up moving away from LA because I couldn't find anyone who wanted to hire me for animation. I went back to my hometown and spent a year freelancing for scraps. I actually tried to go to Japan for work at one point, but my visa was rejected because I'm a college dropout. It was around this time that Sam(Samuel Deats), the future director of Castlevania, had been emailing me to try to get me to work for Powerhouse. Actually, I rejected him the first time and tried to get my visa through again…

Obviously that didn't work out, so I told Sam I'd changed my mind and I moved to Texas to work for Powerhouse. He'd been telling me the whole time about this awesome secret project the studio might acquire soon. I completely wrote him off because as a freelancer you hear that sort of thing all the time and it's never as good as it sounds. That project was Castlevania. It ended up getting greenlit after I'd been working at the studio for a couple months. Sam plucked me off the animation team to work on it and I started storyboarding on the first episode. It was actually my first time storyboarding, so naturally I was given the scene where the crowd gets attacked by an army of creatures in an elaborate gothic city.

I see. Then can you give me a quick overview of the workflow the staff followed while working on Castlevania? From finished storyboards to finished scenes. I'm interested in the workflow you followed since Castlevania is obviously not your run-of-the-mill project.

Spencer: *laughs* Well in season one it was a constantly changing process. Powerhouse had never handled a TV show before, and so we were sort of creating the process as the show went on. We didn't even manage to standardize our storyboarding process until episode 4. Our background team doubled as our incidental and prop design team, with one of the background artists serving as a part time storyboarder. Sam was the director, but he was also storyboarding and designing all the main characters. His brother Adam, who's meant to be supervising compositor, became our editor. It was all over the place, but it allowed for a lot of experimentation. That's how I came to animate on the show instead of just storyboarding.

I'm getting kind of off topic though- the way it would usually work is that we'd receive an approved script and we'd have a few weeks to storyboard it. We didn't have any revisionists working with us, so if there was a problem, we'd address it ourselves and then Adam would cut together an animatic and add sound. It's worth mentioning that we didn't have any voice acting to work with in season 1, so we sort of had to guess at how the actors would read their lines.

After the animatic was approved we would ship it along with the designs and key backgrounds to MUA Film, our outsourcing studio in Korea. And then in some specific instances we would leave a note telling them to exclude a sequence, because Sam or I had planned to animate it ourselves. After storyboarding was done I jumped right onto animation. We were working with a pencil and paper animation studio, so even though I work digitally, I would have to write x-sheets(equivalent to time sheets in anime) for my work as if I'd drawn it on paper. At some point in the process we decided we wanted to do a much more specific compositing job on the show, and so we had the studio ship us back their cleaned and colored animation, and our in house compositing team would polish it with a mountain of after effects work. A lot of why the show looks so cinematic is because of them.

So I take it this is how it went with the average scene. But your scene in the OP, that got a lot of attention, is clearly exceptional. Can you tell me more about how you came up with this style and scene? Personally I have to admit, it’s one of the best and most striking animation pieces I have seen in a while.

Spencer: Thanks! We really slaved over that opening. It actually wasn't meant to exist- there was no time or budget set aside for it. Sam had done the storyboards for it in his free time and pitched them to the producers. They said we could do it if we could somehow find time for it. I think Sam originally intended to handle the entire thing himself, but when the time came to animate it, I was the only one available. So Sam pulled me into his office and showed me the storyboards, specifically the part at the end. He said something to the effect of, "I know I want this to look like fire. You can do it in whatever style you come up with, as long as it's done quickly." Never in my career had someone put so much trust in me. A lot of people like to compare the sequence to the music video for Take On Me, but when I was trying to come up with the style, the first thing that came to mind was one of Yutaka Nakamura's animations. It's from an anime I watched in high school called Soul Eater where the character goes to draw his sword, and the entire scene turns into this abstract looking sort of river of pencil lines on a red background(this scene). I thought maybe I could do something similar to that. It took me about an hour to realize I couldn't do it the same way, and my imitation of it was coming out far too abstract to tell what was going on. I ended up doing another pass on it, but instead of trying to copy Nakamura's abstract linework, I tightened up the drawings focused on the shadows. I thought I could try to mimic the look of how light shifts around on an ember, and that's where I got the shadows that constantly roll across the characters. The finished result still bears a lot of his influence, but I think I managed to put my own spin on it.

I remember that Soul Eater scene! Now that you mention it, I can definitely see similarities. But the Take on Me? Not really. How much time did you spend on that scene, if I may ask?

Spencer: It was something like two weeks? I don't remember that well anymore. I worked entirely through the last four nights, so it felt longer than that. I remember losing an hour to daylight savings time, and that put me in a really foul mood.

I've never mentioned this before, but it's unfinished. I ran out of time in the end, and so the part with Trevor and Sypha is just my rough first pass. I was devastated when we shipped it that way. At the time I considered it to be my biggest failure as an artist. Ironically it's the piece of work I'm known best for now.

Sypha's scene in the 2nd season is also yours right? Glad to see the same style made it into the show.

Spencer: Adam had wanted to have it in the show for a while, and I really didn’t want to do it. I was so upset about the opening before it aired that I swore I would never draw in that style again. But then the opportunity presented itself and I thought, “Well I guess it would only be for a second or so”. I felt the second time I did it it was a lot less inspired though.

Can't complain myself, it was pretty cool.

Spencer: Well I had more experience the second time *laughs*. I didn’t have to feel around for what the style was.

So moving on. The problem with your Alucard fight scene, that you had problems translating your digital motion guides into paper, you said that also happened for the Cyclops sequences. How widespread was this problem then? Did it only affect your work or the work of other animators as well?

Spencer: It would only affect animations that had large camera movements, that we sent overseas for clean up. It was a problem born from the fact that we don’t really do paper animation in America anymore.

When the camera moves around a lot, the field has to get bigger. You have to use something called panning paper in order for the drawings to maintain a proper size for clean up. But there was no one that I could learn that from. I had to teach everything to myself, and so my first instinct was to make the drawings smaller to fit them on the page. The clean up artists overseas fixed this by scaling the drawings up, but then they had to recreate my spacing from scratch and they didn’t have enough time to do it the same way. The result was that drawings would pop anywhere from a few pixels to a few millimeters out of position all the time. Adam ended up respacing everything, but it wasn’t a perfect match to the original, so drawings tend to pop around. Most people don’t notice it though.

Actually I’ve had a similar issue with other productions where if my spacing gets too tight, there’s a chance a drawing could pop out of place too. I’m still learning how to solve some of those problems.

I see! Shame you found yourself in this situation, but this is a nice segue to another traditional project I want to ask you about, Boruto. You worked on Boruto a few months ago, episode #65 specifically. How did you get involved in this project? You were an interesting case because you are not affiliated with studio LAN like most of other foreign animators in that episode, as far as I know at least.

Spencer Wan: *laughs* I could see why it seemed a little out of nowhere. It's because Chengxi and I had already been talking on twitter for a while. I consider him a close friend. He asked me to animate for him and I agreed. It was as simple as that.

Looking at your original work and the final version in Boruto, I see that it went mostly uncorrected. Why is that? Were you just given a lot of freedom in that episode? Because of Chengxi and your aforementioned good relation with him?

Spencer: Oh, it was nothing like that. I was a lot more concerned with doing the work properly than trying to stand out or show off. Chengxi's storyboards and the model sheets for Boruto were very clear. I followed them to the best of my ability, and my work ended up going uncorrected aside from a light fill being added. I should've anticipated the need for that light fill, actually. I wasn't thinking about how it would look in color.

Boruto is more of a traditional animation(paper) show, right? Didn't you have problems with that this time?  I'm not too knowledgeable when it comes to Boruto specifically, so I don't know how much of its production is digitalized.

Spencer: The process was actually very similar to what I used on Castlevania, only this time there was no complicated camera movement to worry about, and I had Chengxi to help me with parts of the paper process that I didn't fully grasp yet. Some of the other foreign animators helped me out too- namely Guzzu. It was my first time not having to figure it all out on my own, and I was really grateful for that. I feel I learned a lot.

You are right, the nature of this scene is different. I thought maybe it was the Japanese industry being more used to this dual nature of digital and paper. So generally working on Boruto, although a Japanese show, wasn’t different from Castlevania and other shows you worked on before?

Spencer: There are differences in style when it comes to x-sheets. For example, the Korean x-sheets I've written list the layer order completely backward from the Japanese ones used on Boruto. Americans will write "truck out" when they want the camera to pull out, but the Japanese shorthand is apparently T.B for "track back" instead. It's a lot of differences like that, but the idea behind them is mostly the same. It was an adjustment, but not a very big one, and I was told I did an alright job writing them... I hope they weren't just being nice.

I was just watching Castlevania and now that you mentioned him, Chengxi did some animation! Also others such as Hero. Were you the one who invited them this time?

Spencer: I was the one who invited Chengxi. Sam invited the others after I’d left the production.

And you inviting Chengxi and working on #7 was after boruto, I suppose?

Spencer: Actually it was beforehand! He had to cut his work short to start working on Boruto. He did such a brilliant job regardless. That guy is a genius.

Aha, interesting. That was the last of my questions, I'm very grateful for the chance you gave me and for your amazing, detailed answers!

Spencer: No problem! I hope my answers weren’t too boring. That technical stuff can get dense.

[5secondsofrant]

Ashton speaks to Luke + GQ interview

I was going to do this in different posts but after seeing both videos, I think there’s some points that they share, so I’m just doing one.

DISCLAIMER:

This post contains personal opinions and theories. Don’t take any of this as a confirmation of anything.

This post’s purpose is not to hate on anyone mentioned here but to share what I think.

I’m always up for discussion, while it’s done with respect to me but also about the people we’re talking about.

I’ll do a breakdown here about the main points I’ll be talking about so you can skip to whatever you prefer if you don’t want to read this whole post because it’s going to be long:

1. Ashton speaks to Luke EPISODE 1

2. 10 things 5 Seconds of summer can’t live without

3. Luke and his girlfriend and his dog

1. Ashton speaks to Luke EPISODE 1

> Summary: Luke and Ashton sit in what it seems to be an hotel room, Ashton asks Luke some questions and directs him through it. The video is in black and white and, by the gestures at the end of it, seems like Ashton recorded it on his Macbook.

> Highlights of it:

“The mission here is to [...] also spread the word through Europe where the band it’s at now. It’s important that we came here in person so people know we’re not sixteen anymore.” 

Luke talks about missing his house, where he feels like he can start every morning letting his creativeness flow, since he can sit on the piano or play guitar, but before that he casually mentions missing his girl and dog.

How travelling affects their (or at least Luke’s) creativity and workflow.

Ashton asks “all the sacrifices, that you know, being away all the time, is it worth it?” and Luke responds, after thinking and playing a beat with his fingers “mmm, yeah, I think so” and Ashton says “that’s the big question” and Luke laughs and says “yeah, I don’t know”.

> Why I can see this is a genuine thing:

If any of them wanted to pretend like he has a talk show, I would totally see Ashton as the one to point at.

The description is “Ashton and Luke talk about sacrifice, happiness, and Homelife”. Let me say that I adore Ashton, but he’s extra and I can see him trying to convey the topics in these words. It’s appealing and it makes you feel like they touch in depth topics that they... didn’t get to touch so deeply. We just scraped the surface of their true feelings about these topics. 

The fact that the video is in black and white (and goes with the mood of the video description) is something Ashton would do.

I can totally see Ashton being like “why don’t we do something special with this album?” and coming up with this idea. The fact that it says Episode 1 makes me think that he’ll interview the rest of the band and/or make more than one episode about each one of them. 

Maybe they want to show a “mature image” and thought this was a way of doing it so we can see a clear difference between cocktail chats and this.

> Why I think it’s a little bit weird or fishy:

I don’t know much about this, and I think I would prefer not to search in depth (because I don’t want to figure out how controlled they are), but I’m pretty sure their management (or social media managers) have a lot to say on the content they post on social media. With this being posted in such a big outlet for the band as youtube is (because people that aren’t fans are going to see that too if they look up the channel to search the song they heard on the radio, for example), I feel like this is probably one of the places where they are most controlling at. I truly believe this had approval from someone to be posted.

The fact that it’s so casual is weird. And yeah, you might be like: “wouldn’t that make it more genuine?” and yes, it could, but for me it’s just weird to think that Ashton just turned on his laptop and was like “hey Luke, here, I’m posting a video, let me interview you”, while that can happen, I feel like the way this truly happened was: Ashton had the idea ---> asked management if he could do that ---> they agreed but probably directed some of the topics and/or they had to approve the final result. It’s casual he uses his mac and he tries to clean up a little bit the background at the beginning, but apart from that, I feel like they both knew this was happening at some point.

> What I appreciated it about it: 

It was interesting to know Luke’s process to songwrite and how invested he is in music even when he’s not on tour. 

The fact that they were honest about their feelings and commented the ‘sacrifice’ their work means. 

> What called my attention:

I felt like Ashton was trying to direct Luke’s questions by bringing his own feelings into the whole thing, or at least at the end that was the case (when they talk about sacrifice). I don’t know if Ashton was talking about his own experience or was trying to get more out of that “mmm, yeah, I think so” because he might not feel that way, or he might know Luke doesn’t feel that way.

The mention of Luke’s girlfriend. But I’ll talk about it after talking about the GQ interview.

The fact that they keep bringing up the fact that they want to establish they aren’t teenagers anymore. They keep on doing that and I don’t know if they notice it, and also, I’m pretty sure Europe knows they aren’t teenagers anymore, it’s not like they haven’t been there since the self-titled album. They did a pretty important tour there last year showing their new image. 

Calling their job a sacrifice. And showing doubt to it being worth it. I don’t know if they’re trying to hint anything (whether is how they’re feeling, if there’s something up behind the scenes we don’t know about, etc.). I feel like this group has struggled a lot while on the music industry. They might be in a better place now, but being on a better place doesn’t erase what made you be on a bad place.

The fact that you can’t like or dislike de video. Maybe this is a sign that they are really trying to put themselves out there and don’t want this to be affected by that or that they don’t care about if people like it or not.

Ashton actually asked “What do you miss about home?” and Luke says “LA?” and I felt like (this is my take though) Ashton’s aim was getting him to talk about Australia and his family so it could get more personal. You can see him shrugging when he’s like “yeah, LA” (and his voice was a little high pitched so I don’t know much about this whole paraverbal/body language whole thing but I feel that those are some signs). Also, he said “home” and when Luke talks about LA he only refers to it as “I miss my house because blah, blah”.

2. 10 Things 5 Seconds of Summer can’t live without.

> Summary: It’s basically the title says.

> Hightlights/interesting parts from it:

Ashton: Finally we have an explanation to the polka dots shirts, suits and the gel. That’s it. I’m glad I finally understand the why behind all that. I’m not a really big fan of the gel or suits, but I can totally understand and respect his reasons on why to use it.

Calum: It was funny how he tried to avoid talking about girls (especially after the CK cologne explanation), and when he talked about the shirt and he was like ‘they’re like 10 dollars at target go and get one!!!’ sort of message. And then he showed the polaroid with his mom, and shared some insight about his life(even if it was a sneak peak). I thought it was sweet.

Luke: The playstation portable with his old games made me chuckle and the fact that he was so interested and kind of smiling fondly at it while talking about the games he has for it (and Michael saying that ridge racer sucks). Maybe it’s the vibe I got but I felt like he was remembering good things. Like sometimes I stumble upon things that were dear to me a few years back and it’s impossible to not remember things or where you were while you were using it, or buying it, etc. I also think that this time around the topic was a better choice from GQ since the last time he didn’t get to speak that much since he doesn’t have a tattoo. His phone part, I’ll talk about it in the next topic.

Michael: My favorite nerd. I feel like there’s an inside joke with Nicol Bolas, and I think I know why he tries not to laugh about it when he talks about the card (it’s such an “old” michael kind of joke if I’m right). I feel like the name is the reason on why it’s his fave, to be honest. Also loved that they other boys were like ‘well here’s my perfume and my clothes’ and he was like ‘look at my fucking thumb stick that is the coolest thing in the world’ and ‘Calum, I’ve got the first halo here’. He looks so invested on it it’s actually really nice.

While I thought it was nice to know this random stuff about them, maybe this was me, but I felt like they are struggling or they were sharing their struggles. I can’t point at the parts now (because I’ve been writing for a while and I don’t feel like going back) but I felt like this interview and the one on their channel really had this bits of them being a little tired/hesitant about their music direction/career. Maybe it’s my perception and if you’re interested I can go back and watch the whole thing closely to explain why, but I just got that feeling. 

3. Luke and his girlfriend and his dog.

(You know I had to name this point that way because I can’t stop myself from making dumb jokes that are too niche so problably a 0,01% of you will laugh at it).

Okay, so let me sum up all the times he has mentioned Sierra in past interviews in less than a month:

“Hate mail” on Elvis Duran (Jun, 4th)

I have a picture of my dog, and my girlfriend on Ryan Seacrest (May 23rd)

My background is a picture of me and my dog, and my girl on GQ (Jun, 18th)

"I miss my girl, I miss my dog” (Jun, 18th) 

I already gave an opinion on them, and why I’m neutral about if I think they’re real or not (you can check my post here), but after this, I’d also like to add this few points:

> Why I can see they’re real and if they’re real:

I mean, she’s on his lockscreen.

Luke is really private, or at least he was. So I’m guessing he’s trying to show that he has a partner to not fall into his “old ways” and that’s the reason on why he’s open about talking about her and showing pictures of her (this is a guess or my take on this topic).

He has mentioned the “hate mail” she gets, and in my opinion (but this is my take on it), if my partner got hate, I wouldn’t put them out there any more than they need to be. If this is his way to make the “haters go away” or “haters gonna hate” kind of thing, I don’t think it’s the right direction. Let me put it this way: I have a crowd of people that doesn’t like eggs. I stand in front of them showing them eggs in an attempt to make them stop hating it. I’ll probably get my ass handed to myself, but also, they will probably hate eggs even more. If this is the way to “desensitize” (like when therapists/psychologists make someone who’s, let’s say, it’s scared of heights be exposed to them, he’s or/and management are not performing it properly because this is done in a really slow way so the individual can take it, and so it actually works and doesn’t end up backfiring) the people who hate her, this isn’t the way. One thing is to try to normalize them as a couple and the other thing is to keep bringing her up in an attempt to make people stop bashing her. To be honest, if she’s as scared and anxious as she tells us she is, please don’t expose her like this and actually help her out (this is not in a mean spirited way. I just talk about everything in that way because we’re not really sure about a lot of stuff but if someone’s struggling mentally, it’s actually worrying and I hope she’s getting help by a person that knows what’s up and can show/teach her techniques so she can be in a better place).

(Also, please don’t think I’m comparing her to an egg. I literally couldn’t think about anything else but you can replace the eggs for your favorite food or item. Also, please don’t think eggs are my favorite food. I feel like I don’t even know what’s my favorite food anymore. If you’re curious about this, ask me like in seven days because I’ve just realized this and might have an answer by that day).

(This was my attempt to make some jokes because I felt like this whole situation it’s too heavy for some people so) (but it’s true I don’t know what my  favorite food is).

Why I can see they’re PR:

I want to start this by addressing that I have seen more hate or mean tweets directed at the band members than Sierra. Go and watch the interview they uploaded. Top comments are about how goals they are!!1!! because he misses her. With this I’m not saying hate towards her doesn’t exist or that is right, but I feel like the boys are more targeted than her. 

Ashton seems to be saying something shady every time after Luke comments about her. I wouldn’t be really happy with a friend of mine calling my significant other a “burnt potato” (even as a joke because ??? that’s so out of place in my opinion), I would be really awkward if my friend called me out for letting my partner touch my phone like it was the worst thing in the world (it’s debatable and for another time), and the faces he makes, especially in the video uploaded on the band’s account (but again, I have no clue on body language so if anyone knows, let me know what you think!). Also it caught my eye that on the Ryan Seacrest Michael took the attention out of the matter (his gf on his lockscreen) and was like okay man, let me joke for you and everyone was distracted from the topic for a moment. Calum seemed to try to do that on Elvis Duran, when he mutters “yeah, I should try to stop doing that”. 

Okay, now, y’all tell me if I’m reaching too much because I don’t want to sprain myself but, I don’t know about you, but just having the photo of you and your partner (and dog) and your lockscreen is kind of weird to me? Like why wouldn’t you have it as your background too?

It’s literally a picture that probably comes with the phone (I’m really bad at telling which Iphone is which but I know their backgrounds have space related stuff in the X one maybe? Not sure but I remember seeing the publicity lol).

And don’t tell me he doesn’t use the phone. I know they have like three phones but my dude has song lyrics and recordings in this one, so it’s probably the one he uses the most.

As I said, maybe it’s a reach, but, I usually have people I care about as my background (sometimes background and lockscreen it’s the same because lazy) because even if you have apps there, you get to see the photo and you smile a little. Maybe it’s just me, but I felt like pointing it out.

The amount of times he brings her up (and his dog). I don’t know if they’re real and he’s like “here’s my girlfriend!! uwu but also my dog please don’t hate me” or if Petunia is his self-defense mechanism at this point to try to show some emotion. Also, Petunia could be brought up to show familiarity if they aren’t real. The fandom knows Petunia is really important in Luke’s life, so if he has Petunia AND Sierra, it must be a REALLY big deal, right?

My last point, that will go with my final rant: go and read where they commented about her. Did you read? Yeah. Elvis Duran, Ryan Seacrest, their band account, GQ. Really important places and I feel like all of these media places have a big amount of credibility and they reach a diverse public (age and gender wise) so I feel like it’s worth pointing it out.

To be honest, whether they are real or fake (or a mix, that’s an option too), no one can’t convince me they’re not trying to sell Luke as the boyfriend of the band. And the good, perfect boyfriend. The Luke who was with Arzaylea is trying to be buried underneath this one and while I understand the reason why (image-wise), it’s still fucked that they have to sell the boys as “perfect human beings”. It’s on us and the industry, to be honest, and this is for a rant where I have a big cup of tea and it’s past midnight and I reflect on media and how it fucks up people but also can help and you’re sitting in the couch in front of me wondering when the fuck I’ll shut up because you wanna go to sleep but you don’t want to interrupt me.

So I’m leaving it there, thanks for coming to my TED Talk.