#try and do some exercises lol

[unproduciblesmackdown]

fr is he, you know.............................................repeatedly described as being Impersonable and Lacking Charm and Pedantic and confused / bothered by things he supposedly shouldn't be while inspiring confusion / botherment in others in ways he supposedly shouldn't and like 99.9% of the grief he's given is over All That while he's just sitting or standing there rather than the like intimidatingly efficient hitman georg thing he has going on. which is in fact The Skill That Makes Him Useful Despite It All and also perhaps the least foothold in interactions because [worried he can & may kill you] affords power when otherwise just being the weird guy nobody likes(tm)

bonus mordecai balling

[sysig]

Lost my mind thinking about the Vyer Estate (Patreon)

[mildmayfoxe]

to most people yoga is relaxing but to me, with the tightest muscles in the world, extremely out of shape in most ways, prone to very painful headrushes if i suddenly stand or sit up after being on the floor, it's uhhh. pretty hard

[paper-mache-stars]

If you’re still accepting sketch requests, could you possibly draw Dr. Steinman? Or Peach Wilkins?

I love peach so much actually he's so funny

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

.

[girlscience]

I am contemplating gender again (specifically being a trans man) because I was rehashing my periodic "I am not trans/won't transition/haven't transitioned because blah blah blah" conversation with myself and I said something along the line of "transition wouldn't fix my underlying problem, which is being female. it would just be a bandaid over a gaping wound." (which, never really noticed before how fucking wild that sentence is. I don't think most people consider their sex to be a gaping wound) BUT ALSO, the point of transition would be to make myself male?????? that Literally by DEFINITION would fix the problem, right????

And now I am having other thoughts like the fact a huge piece of my inferiority complex comes from not being a ManTM, but from what I see online that is also a huge source of insecurity for a lot of men too. So maybe the issue isn't so much that I am female, but that "Being a ManTM" is pretty much unachievable for everyone or is something that you have to spend significant time and effort to become, and no one is born that way and pushing people to think there's only one right way to be a man is a bad and damaging thing?

And that people saying "well of course you are uncomfortable with your chest, you have worn a bra since you grew breasts and now you don't know what they naturally look like/move like/feel like" but I literally only wear bras in public and as a kid fought my parents hard because I hated wearing them so much. And also??? do you think my bras stop my breasts from moving???? cause they definitely don't. I'm willing to believe that wearing bras has affected the strength of ligaments and pec muscles that are attached to the tissue so things like jumping braless are more painful than they would be otherwise... but my boobs move all the time, regardless of bras or not.

And also maybe my issues with comparing myself to men and trying to be as good or better than them isn't a generalized thing because at work I don't compare myself to men. I don't with art or cosplay or cooking or cleaning or friendships or video games. I compare myself to other people's skills, but not specifically thinking "oh so and so is better than me at this because they are a man". The ONLY time I compare myself negatively to men is when it comes to physical strength and crying. Which perhaps says more about the fact as a society we over value physical strength and we relentlessly put down literally everyone for expressing negative emotion. And I have been told my whole life that because I'm female I'll never be as strong as males and so I should just give up and let them do things... but that is patently untrue. I am strong. It is something that is commented on by practically everyone is my life at some point or another. I don't think of myself as strong because I have been told I am weak and can't measure up to the strength of males but that is simply untrue. And I could get significant stronger if I worked out regularly. No, I'll never be Eddie Hall or whatever, but I don't want to be? And as for crying, a big part of my issue is that I dislike it when I feel like crying is out of my control, or when my crying is called a "girl thing". Which has less to do with the fact that I have problems with my emotions and more to do with the fact I don't like it when my body does things without my permission and I know men generally cry less. Also, crying is seen as weak and so it means people see women as weak for being emotional and I dislike being seen as weak. Even though I don't actually think having or expressing emotions is bad or weak, I am just very aware of how it is perceived.

And I get worried maybe I have autoandrophilia (autophallophilia?? idk which it is), but other than urination the purpose of genitals is sex? So of course it makes sense I would want a penis for sex reasons???? That doesn't make it a fetish or paraphilia. And even if it was, I am an adult and I am allowed to do things for sex reasons. That doesn't make me a freak or a pervert or me forcing my kinks on other unwilling people.

And then things like I see trans men talking about the affects of T and I want literally every single one of them (except the acne and vaginal atrophy, but that's because it sounds painful and no one really wants that lol). I desperately want the bottom growth, deeper voice, body hair, muscle growth, and fat redistribution. I wouldn't even hate the potential balding? I'll just shave my head again, no biggie. I do know all of that can be hit or miss and varies a lot from person to person, but I don't really see myself coming out of HRT (even if I were to stop eventually) truly hating any of the changes. Also, top surgery has been in my brain since I got the first hints of boobs as a kid. As much as I waffle back and forth on it, I know that unless it was truly truly fucked (like excruciating chronic pain kind of fucked) I wouldn't ever be upset or regret making that decision. I just don't see that happening, at worst I think I would end up neutral on it. Which would be a frequent improvement on today's feelings about my chest.

And in regards to more social and presentation based things, I like using Mens things and wearing Mens clothes and getting grouped in as "One Of The Boys". I like it that my dad and I dress the same and he will point out clothes to me in the men's section because it's on sale and he knows I'd like it. I like that I got all the hand-me-downs from both my grandpa's after they died and that my dad gives me his hand-me-downs all the time. I like that I can wear men's shoes (thank the universe for giving me big feet) and that my fingers/hands are bigger than most of the women in life. I like that I am only one inch shorter than the male average in the US and I am taller than the global average (just learned this and I am thrilled). I like being called son and hoss. I like having short masculine haircuts.

And idk, maybe I am simply gnc or butch or nonbinary. But all of these things and more that I haven't remembered or forgot to add or will think of later (because I am actively contemplating this) is making me rethink things. And also, the first sexual identity I ever knew myself as was bi, and I freaked myself out so bad that I ran from that as long as I could. And, I am wondering if the same thing has happened here. As soon as I was able to conceive of myself (as far as I can remember) I started wanting to be a boy, but I have kept running from that little voice in the back of my brain that is aware of that since then. Maybe I will end up concluding I am not trans, but I don't want to keep running. I'm going to turn around and face it....... like a man. 😉

[the-trans-dragon]

What’s the appropriate way for me to respond to customers handing me religious pamphlets/cards? I’m not worried about getting fired btw.

[raiiny-bay]

did a writing exercise wherein i tried to describe my characters only through random things i associate them with & it was hard !!!

[desperatepleasures]

putting it here so I don't forget but I really wanna get back into yin yoga and I'm gonna try a yoga app to that purpose!!

[sealrock]

4 more prompts to go

[cerealmonster15]

u ever get that like emotional paralysis of doing things Only For Fun but ur like Fearing Ur Own Potential Cringe despite being in the privacy of ur own home and no one’s even seeing what ur up to

[tardis--dreams]

I wish i could skip forward to December 23 already

[aka-trashrat]

Choose one Null to go on a date with: why him?

This is a deceptively challenging ask to answer, because they're all... hmm, not the most sociable people. But then, neither am I, lmfao.

They're all objectively terrible, the more I think about it, but it's one date; I've been on many terrible and awkward dates in my tenure as a creature on Earth.

On first pass, Ordo's out. We're similar enough in our outwardly cold and guarded demeanour, but he's exponentially more terrifying than me and he'd probably say something offensive by accident and it would all go downhill from there.

Mereel's also out. As fun as he'd be, he's waaaaay too intense in all the wrong ways. It would get awkward really fast.

I feel like A'den would be the most approachable and personable to go on a date with. He apparently has quite the jovial personality and I'm also a very funny creature so we'd definitely spend our time laughing. That's always a good thing for positive social interactions.

Runners up would be Jaing and Prudii. There isn't much info on Jaing's personality, but we can extrapolate that he's thoughtful and methodical, and probably has a decent (if morbid) sense of humor. Prudii's glib cynicism could be fun to play with, and we're both huge nerds so there'd be plenty to talk about.

Kom'rk I would want to deck, and he'd know it and be all smug about it, I reckon. I'm sure he'd be quite pleasant on the surface but I'd likely feel like I was in an interrogation rather than on a date.

So there you have it! A'den gets the honour of dating an opossum :P

[wewontbesleeping]

the tmj migraines are conspiring with the eye strain migraines and their end goal is to get me to scream forever

[unproduciblesmackdown]

the way that randos seem to have learned a tiny bit more about autistic people and are using this newfound power to give their ableism more range, like [inspiring: this gender-respecting bully will only give victims swirlies in bathroom that aligns with their identity] and [guy who researches your identity so that his microaggressions are more accurate] like oh radical that now you're throwing around the word "autistic" more comfortably as meaning shit like someone's "clueless" or "has an interest or perhaps talent" or what nonsense will follow when someone's breaking out the term "social skills" like oh nice, people accessing all the abilities of Autism Parents without having to be a parent

[toshikosatos]

Ok yup, my OCD seems significantly louder and faster than usual, but it's still hard to know if that has more to do with me gradually lowering the dose of my current meds or the fact that I was feeling better for a while after reading some OCD books but I haven't been reading any of them or practicing any therapeutic exercises in a few weeks. Would be a plot twist to learn that the sertraline was actually doing something all this time, but just doing that one little thing and not touching any of my other problems. Or something???