#turning my negative thoughts into positive ones has been funny though

[hood-ex]

Me when I start to write a negative post but then remember I'm supposed to be more conscious of my words, thoughts, and actions so that I can maintain a positive and loving disposition:

The New Teen Titans (Vol. 2) #32

[sparklecarehospital]

been reflecting on my year a bit, and i was thinking about something. i think i know what the best thing i did for myself this year was.

making cometcare public. making the ask blog.

ive had this AU stirring in my brain since 2019, ever since i got really attached to doomi during the haunted arc. one reason i went so long without revealing pollarrydoomi as a ship to readers was because doom's crush wasn't public information until late 2021.

i had kept his crush a mystery for 3 years, but revealed it after a fun experience where people figured out who it was through guessing. i'm pretty sure i did a poll about it? asking people to guess who they thought it was, and uni won the vote, meaning everyone had already figured it out.

after pollarrydoomi was revealed and i started drawing art for it and people made fanart for it, i still couldn't post any of my AU art because ally wasn't public and she and howie were in the AU. in july 2022, for the comic's birthday, i revealed ally as a character to the readers. others around the time had started to notice characters i had in pfps and i ended up telling everyone i did have pollarrydoomi ship kids, but i didn't make them public.

in november 2022, i revealed eve on toyhouse. after her reveal, i would soon reveal sly as well in december 2022 on my birthday (revealing sly as a birthday present to myself is such a funny gesture now that you guys know how important he is to me). over the next few weeks i revealed cream, frosty, and marco as well. all of the main cometkids except chem.

then one day someone out there suggested that i make an ask blog for the cometcare AU. it was such a spontaneous decision, and i didn't even really know what i was gonna do with it at first. i was just kinda messing around. but when i made the blog i realized that if i wanted this AU to be experienced in complete authenticity, i couldn't make uni cis.

so i revealed uni being trans through the blog, despite the fact i'd gone so many years without ever revealing her identity. why did i do it? there's a lot of reasons. not wanting to make her a "dad" in the AU contributed, but also i felt like it wouldn't be detrimental to the story to confirm a character being trans. it also made me (and the crew in general) a lot more comfortable being able to properly refer to uni with her actual pronouns.

making the ask blog really changed me, because finally i could share this little family and comfort story i'd built in my brain with the world and make it real and make content for it and let people consume it.

but what stopped me most of all?

i've said it many times before... but i felt like it was cringey.

i felt like making an AU with 93985893844 fankids in a ridiculous complicated polycule wasn't something a Serious content creator should do, and i was really worried the reception would be negative or people would think it was stupid or something. i did NOT expect it to become as popular as it is. the blog actually has more followers than the MAIN ASK BLOG for the canon comic. it was received SO POSITIVELY and the fact it was just kind of blows me away.

it means so much to me. being able to share the most special thing in my life with people and for people to actually like it and have fun with me and want to see it, and for me to be able to not have to follow strict professionalism about spoilers and chronological storytelling, and being able to change and add in things whenever i felt like it. it's such a freeing experience.

when i was a kid, i used to make stories and OCs and i didn't take them as seriously as i do the sparklecare reboot. this kind of turned into my entire life and career kinda, so i had to take it more seriously. but making this AU honestly just makes me feel like i'm a kid again, it makes me feel like i can have fun and literally do whatever the fuck i want without worrying what people think or if it's realistic or if it makes any sense.

i know though, that some people don't like pollarrydoomi. and i know why. whether it's because of being attached to barruni (of course, they're the canon ship and main characters, i get it) or just having discomfort with the idea of shipping doom with anyone when canonically he hasn't experienced a redemption arc... i get it. i know not everyone likes it.

and that's okay! people are entitled to having their own feelings about content. i understand it. and i've come to accept that's always going to be the case with anything i do with these characters.

but i'm still going to do this for myself. i do this because it makes me happy to just have fun and not worry about being serious all the time. it feels good, especially when it's with characters that are really really important to me.

cometcare is genuinely the most special and important thing i've ever made for myself, it's such a huge piece of my identity and it makes me who i am. and being able to make this story public and share it with people and share these things that have been in my brain for so long with others means so much to me.

that's why i think it was the best thing i've done this year. it's kind of literally changed my life to be able to talk about them. it's made me happier than i've ever been making content. i'm not just making it to entertain myself alone anymore, i'm making it to entertain others like i do with other stuff. and the fact people actually like it still is unbelievable to me.

so, i guess my outlook for next year as it comes is to continue to stop taking everything so seriously. i can tell my stories however i want to. i hope others can realize they can do this too.

please make whatever you want, whenever you what, as much as you want, even if it doesn't make sense or if it's "cringe". you will be so much happier when you realize as a creator you DON'T have to take all of this so seriously. the comic still exists and people read it even if i'm doing this. You Can Do Whatever You Want And Nobody Can Ever Stop You. the only person who can stop you is yourself when you let your inhibitions get in the way of your ability to create things for yourself.

have fun! life is too short to take everything you do seriously

[antianakin]

I don’t know if you’re actually watching the Ahsoka series or not, but I was very curious on your thoughts on the newest episode, and the confrontation between Anakin and Ahsoka.

Bro traumatized her again. Lol. 😒🙃

I’m actually kind of satisfied that she showed a little resentment, but I still don’t like that she didn’t cuss him out or something.

Anakin not apologizing is infuriating at first glance, but I also think it fits his character.

It’s funny, if I think about it in a certain way: I wonder if Anakin himself views his “redemption” kind of the same way his fans do. He’s just like, “Why are you still pissed at me? I died stopping the Emperor, didn’t I?” 🙄

The only one I think he’d actually feel sad about is Leia, because of course he’d want his daughter to like him, but she never will now, because he fucking tortured her and blew up her planet.

You know… I don’t really view Anakin’s final moments as a true “redemption” in the eyes of the galaxy. George Lucas has a quote where he says parents are redeemed in the eyes of their children. I guess you could argue that Anakin redeemed himself in Luke’s eyes, but not the galaxy’s own.

And then there’s Leia, who will never forgive him or think of him as her father.

In a way, it’s almost fitting for Anakin, that each of his children represent something for him.

Luke represents forgiveness, and how it’s never too late to do the right thing.

Leia represents his mistakes and sins. As long as she lives, he’ll always look at her and remember the damage he’s done. She’d never let him forget it.

Which is funny, when going back to the recent Ahsoka episode, and how he was acting like a dick to Ahsoka.

Personally, I think he was purposely trying to piss her off to make her fight to not die.

Still though: he’s such a jackass. 😒

Anyways, I guess my main point is that I don’t view Anakin being a Force Ghost shows that he was “redeemed.” I view it more as a type of salvation. Like the Bible story where Jesus is on the cross with two other men next to him. And then one man decides to “believe in him” or whatever, and his soul is saved by the skin of his teeth.

This is kind of how I view Anakin’s act of saving Luke. His soul was saved, because he did a heel face turn at the last second. So The Force was like, “Good enough, I guess.” *Throws up hands*

Anyways, sorry for the long rambling. I hope you don’t mind the message. Haha. 😅 I just have found your blog really therapeutic, because while I like Anakin as the fascinating character that he is, it still just kills me how fandom woobifies him and blames the Jedi for their own genocide.

I don't mind this message at all, thanks so much for sending so many of your thoughts, this was great! It's going to be a long reply back, though, since there's so much to respond to and if you've been going through my blog, this probably won't surprise you.

I AM watching the Ahsoka show, I'm just putting my thoughts about it on a different blog to this one (this blog was created for me to be negative so I usually only review things on here if I KNOW I'm going to be negative about it, but I was hopeful I'd have positive things to say about the Ahsoka show lol).

I think I'm feeling RELATIVELY mediocre about the show. Like I don't hate the whole thing, I can see why it appeals to people, but it's not really hitting at what I would've wanted from a narrative perspective. It seems to be relying on fan service and pretty visuals rather than genuinely good writing to get them through. If you happen to be the fan being serviced, you probably like it fine. But if you are someone more like me, then you might be noticing that there aren't a lot of stakes, the character motivations are weak or missing, the two storylines aren't being spliced together very well, and the dialogue's just not that great. There's also several more nitpicky things that are really pissing me off about the show (the way they're treating Force sensitivity, Sabine being a Jedi at all for no good reason and how her character is being butchered, the very distant and aloof acting I feel like we're getting from everybody, and of course the requisite anti-Jedi bullshit that we can all expect from Filoni at this point).

But as for how I felt about Anakin and Ahsoka's scenes in the latest episode this week, I am personally of the opinion that it WASN'T Anakin at all. I know it's left ambiguous, so if people feel like it was truly Anakin in some way shape or form, that's fine, but I think it makes more sense to me personally that it wasn't. This is Ahsoka's manifestation of Anakin in a moment where she's literally drowning and emotionally at something of a low point and has to decide if she's going to live or not and that conflict plays out in her head the way we see it. I'm also open to the idea that this is one of those things where the Force "tests" the Jedi not unlike what we see happen on Ilum and Mortis and the Force is just utilizing Anakin's visage to bring Ahsoka's deepest fears out into the open.

What makes it interesting to me is that then we can look at the interactions as THIS IS HOW AHSOKA SEES HIM. Whether she thinks about it that deeply or not, THIS personality is how she remembers him. The immediate choice to be violent with her and test her fighting skills rather than talk to her more gently, the dismissive attitude he has towards her, the flickering back and forth between Anakin and Vader because she doesn't truly know which one he was most. He wasn't necessarily a great teacher and his way of teaching wasn't very Jedi-like, it's ruthless and merciless and unkind, and we see that reflected in their interactions in this episode, which could be a really interesting look at how Ahsoka still remembers him even if she didn't see it negatively at the time.

So him not apologizing isn't like... an indication of how Anakin might actually handle this interaction if it were truly him so much as just... Ahsoka being unsure sure if he WOULD apologize because she has no idea how much of him was Vader the entire time and Vader would clearly never apologize. I think the Anakin we see by the end of ROTJ probably would apologize at SOME point, especially if we're supposed to see him as redeemed and acknowledging/accepting of his sins, etc. But Ahsoka doesn't know that. Ahsoka probably kind-of knows through Luke that he turned back in his last moments, but she wasn't there for that, she didn't get to see it, and she obviously still has no idea what caused him to turn on the Jedi and become a Sith to begin with. Why did he come back for Luke and not her? Was it because she abandoned him? Did he just not care about her the way she thought? Was there something intrinsically wrong with her that he recognized from the beginning?

There's just too much uncertainty perhaps for Ahsoka to know if he'd actually apologize and she doesn't even necessarily need or want an apology so much as she just wants to UNDERSTAND. Because of course it leads into her doubts about HERSELF and whether being his apprentice (even for as short of a time as it was) has somehow influenced her to be more like him and if she should be worried that she'll go dark or cause a student of hers to go dark. If she doesn't know why HE made that choice, how can she trust herself? It's not entirely dissimilar to the statement she made at the end of the Wrong Jedi arc where she claims she's leaving the Jedi because if the Council couldn't trust her then she isn't sure she can trust herself, either. And now with Anakin going dark, she has to wonder if the Council saw something of that in her when no one else did, saw a future for her that she hadn't been able to see for herself yet.

I think personally I'd just rather look at this episode as the closest we're going to get to a "deep dive" into Ahsoka's psyche and character rather than try to analyze it as like "what does this say about Anakin." It's not Anakin's story anymore, it's Ahsoka's. Or it's supposed to be, anyway.

That all being said, I don't think it went far enough and I do dislike that we didn't get to dive into OTHER aspects of Ahsoka via other relationships in order to round out who she actually is. I don't think we know any more about her at the end of the episode than we did at the beginning. I don't think she really grows or changes through the episode at all. I don't know what the whole "choose to live" thing was about or how it connects to her overall arc because while, yes, she's obviously literally drowning in the moment, "choosing to live" is not something they've been exploring as an issue for Ahsoka throughout this season so far, so it didn't feel like this cool end to her character journey so much as just a really shallow one-liner made to sound badass without anything particularly profound behind it.

I think gffa said that one of the things you can tell about this show is that it's been percolating in Filoni's mind for so long that there's things he's leaving out because they're just totally obvious to him now and he's forgotten that the audience won't know some of it without being told or shown. If Ahsoka was depressed or suicidal or something like that, it never came across in the first four episodes. She barely seems to be struggling at all to me, personally. So maybe that's what Filoni wanted us to understand about her, maybe that was the intention, but it just didn't quite make it from his head into the writing or onto the screen.

And I keep going back to the Obi-Wan Kenobi show and the way they handled his character arc. They started him at a really low point where he's so CLEARLY depressed and just moving through life without actually living or finding any way to be happy. They spend so much time showing us how OUT of character Obi-Wan is in order for the pay off by the end and the slow growth of his character throughout the six episode story to feel satisfying. And while he's out of character in his depression, it's done in such a way that that's the POINT. We all know WHY he's out of character, we know what's causing him to be that way, it doesn't need to be explained because it didn't happen off-screen, it's literally the plot of an entire trilogy of films. It felt like a pretty natural extension of the state we last saw him in and it allows him the ability to actually have a journey that makes sense.

We've gotten NONE OF THAT for Ahsoka. Her relationship with Sabine is nonsensical and comes out of nowhere with zero explanation. Her weird thing about Padawans comes out of nowhere with zero explanation. Her aloof attitude is coming out of nowhere and does nothing to help us understand the state of mind she's in. She never seems to be acting SO out of character that it tells the audience how much she's struggling, but she's also SO flat that she no longer feels much like the Ahsoka everyone knew and loved from The Clone Wars. They're inventing new problems for her to have that make no sense instead of giving her a journey to actually deal with the problems she already had and hadn't gotten any resolution for. And they're unable to actually connect her problems from before into the Rebels storyline in a way that makes any real sense or feels genuine and meaningful for either Ahsoka or Sabine, so both storylines are getting half-assed and butchered in the attempt.

Personally, I think Ahsoka should've had a season set closer to ROTJ or even before it, just after she gets off of Malachor and 2-3 years prior to ANH, to explore her immediate reaction to Anakin's betrayal and have her overcome that on her own. Use original characters primarily, throw in Bail Organa or something if needed just to give her a quick plot, but let it be about AHSOKA. And only once her journey to finding herself is complete do we then move on to the Search for Ezra, which should be focusing WAY more on the Rebels characters than we're actually getting and should not involve any of the Rebels characters (except maybe Jacen) learning to be Jedi. Ahsoka would be a side character in this story because she has now had her story told and we can let Sabine and Ezra and Jacen and Hera be at the forefront of the story. (I also think we could've done something with Sabine that wasn't being a Jedi or her entire family being murdered off screen so she has an excuse to do a characterization 180 and act like a bratty teenager all over again.)

If I had to just change THIS episode a little, I have a few alternatives I've been thinking about. For one, I do just think we should've gotten to explore OTHER relationships beyond Anakin to emphasize the other things that Ahsoka is that aren't just "Anakin's Padawan." Rex, Barriss, Plo Koon, even Kanan or Ezra to try to make that connection to Rebels. She's been a friend, a commander, a rebel, a student, a mentor, an ally, a Jedi. She's been so many things that have nothing at all to do with Anakin and I think that might've been nice to explore as well. Yes, Anakin was important. Yes, she's fucked up about it. But that's not ALL THAT SHE IS. So I think starting off with her fears about Anakin is great, but then have her move on and sort-of go through it a little like Charles Dickens' A Christmas Story to show that she's more than this, too. This probably would've worked better if it had been a two parter thing rather than one 30-40 minute episode, depending on how many characters you wanted to throw in.

I also would've appreciated seeing her break and shatter at seeing Anakin. I wanted her to be ANGRY, to refuse to forgive him, to throw his betrayal in face. And then by the end of the episode, she lets it go. She's seen that she doesn't need to hold onto that anymore and it doesn't matter what choices Anakin did or didn't make, she's her own person and can make HER own choices. And so Anakin comes back at the end, and she's no longer angry. She can forgive him. I also would've wanted her to have been more snappy and frustrated and angry earlier in the season, as well, so we can TELL there's something simmering underneath that she's trying to keep repressed until it finally boils over in this episode.

The other alternative I came up with was the OPPOSITE idea where Ahsoka is basically just kind-of... in denial about it. She isn't acknowledging her own anger and pain and betrayal at all and she just wants to spend this time with Anakin the way they used to and Anakin is sitting there provoking her and trying to get her to break so she can let it all out. Eventually he gets her to admit it and get angry and yell at him and acknowledge her own pain finally so she can see how it's impacting her relationships in the present day. She's been trying up until now, but as Yoda's always said, sometimes trying isn't enough, and you just have to do or do not. She doesn't reject him at the end of this, but she can at least acknowledge what he did to her and how it's made her feel. You could even include some of her anti-Jedi bullshit in this and have her justifying Anakin's betrayal by saying the Jedi failed him the way they failed her and Anakin pushing back on that idea so that by the end of the episode, she can recognize that she's been blaming the Jedi because she's been uncomfortable with her inability to understand Anakin's choices and it was easier to blame the Jedi than live with that uncertainty.

I've discussed my feelings on Anakin's redemption a lot and they're definitely not in the majority. Personally, I just don't think he's redeemed at all. My definition of redemption is along the lines of "you can fix/undo the thing you broke/damaged" rather than just... "you decided to stop breaking things even if there's no way to fix it." It doesn't mean Anakin can't keep being a better person if he'd lived, or that he can't find redemption in more specific places (like Luke forgiving him for chopping off his hand), but that there is no redemption for what he did to the Jedi, to the clones, and to the galaxy at large. None. It doesn't matter what he does, it doesn't matter that he stopped himself and Palpatine, it doesn't MATTER. The Jedi and the Republic are still gone, the clones were still enslaved, the galaxy is still in shambles and traumatized from 25 years under the Empire.

You aren't the only one who's chosen to separate your definition of "redemption" from something else to make it make more sense. Someone else went for redemption being different from an absolution wherein you are just immediately forgiven of all of your sins because of one act or whatever, while redemption is the process of doing better. If that works for you, go for it. Personally, I just think Anakin isn't redeemed. He cheat coded his way into being a Ghost and the Ghosts don't make any sense anyway. I think it's definitely intended to represent his redemption IN THE NARRATIVE, like that's the point of the visual, but it just doesn't work for me, so I choose not to see it that way. It's ambiguous enough and the Force Ghost lore confusing enough that it's not that hard.

Your interpretation of Luke and Leia as the two sides of forgiveness is intriguing. I do think Leia could get to the point of forgiveness that basically looks like letting go of her anger because the man's dead anyway so there's no real point staying angry and understanding the history that may have led him to become the monster she knew, but that doesn't mean she has to LIKE him or ever consider him a father.

I think you could kind-of throw Ahsoka and Obi-Wan in there as different reactions to Anakin, too. With Ahsoka as someone who sort-of clings to who Anakin used to be and can't truly reconcile the two versions of him that she knew, and Obi-Wan as someone who rises above. Unlike Leia, he did know and love Anakin, but he is also able to let go of his anger and betrayal and accept Anakin for what he is now rather than pining for someone who no longer exists. And Ahsoka is the opposite of Luke as someone who also knew Anakin and loved him, but struggles a lot MORE with the revelation of who he was and his impact on her life. Everyone approaches Anakin and his relationship to them and his choices in a different way.

I wish the Ahsoka show wanted to explore any of that at all lol.

[iwrite-sinsandtragedies]

I would guess part of the comment issues in ol1 are the lack of a jealousy system like nobody can react or make comments because there is no jealousy at all I am hoping it is more natural in ol2 with there being 2 main lis plus an actual jealousy system even if it is optional

There is a little bit of jealousy! But it's all mainly in Step 1 and your typical kiddy jealousy😂 it's also just me splitting hairs really, but I get where you're coming from lol. It's not actually jealousy I'm looking for, honestly. I personally despise jealousy in any aspect for my own reasons, though I do get what you mean and I'm depressingly aware of how prominent jealousy is in the situation I've given😔

What I'm more looking for is upset - and I mean that in the most clinical definition of the word: to make (someone) unhappy, disappointed, or worried; to knock (something) over. (ie. to disturbe or unbalance)

LMAO, this got long, so I'll throw it under a cut!

Basically, Sunset Bird is the place where nothing happens and everything stays the same, until Baxter comes in and upsets the norm. The game writes many times that he's disturbed the peace and many characters respond to that in various different ways - mostly positive and slightly negative on Cove's part specifically. You, as the MC, have the option to take it as positively or negatively as you choose, of course!

I have a suspicion that, if MC takes it negatively then maybe others would too but, I don't play that route personally and it isn't really the point I'm getting at either. I want to see that upset happen, even in a positive viewpoint MC. I want to see Cove upset because MC has been flirting with him for possibly several years and he has been flirting back and he and everyone understandably thought you both had something, only to see you fall for Baxter like a rock in a stream, the moment he turns your head. It's not specifically jealousy I'm looking for, it's hurt and confusion and/or a need for answers from the people that surround MC and find their expectations suddenly trampled on.

"What about us/Cove?" is a very real question that should be there yet just isn't 🤷

An example of where the game actually did do this: The protectiveness from your family, that was A+ on the game's part but there wasn't enough of it, in my opinion. There should have been more worried dialogue from at least your family, if not your friends. Cove also has one moment where he complains about how he doesn't like Baxter flirting with the both of you but, again, that's not actually touching on the subject of MC so much as it is the both of you. It's also before any dating can occure so Cove is still 'intact' as it were... So I would honestly even consider that situation void because it happened before the flag triggering can changed him.

Even in Step 4, this trend continues! [violently rips out hair] There are scenes that should have such a bigger reaction out of characters but simply just don't because the mechanic for upset is entirely lacking!! It drives me crazy yo😭there's no deep 'sit down' conversation at all in so many places and it makes the emotions that the really good parts of the story pull out of you feel so cheap in comparison!

Awaaahhhhh... This has just turned into me complaining lmaooo

My apologies😂I know there isn't anything to be done that can change it, currently, but it does just really upset me. In fact, how I'm talking about it here is exactly what I would have loved to see in the dialogue of the game!

The desperateness, the desire for answers, the deep meaningful conversations, just- [clenches fist] Yes. Everything would feel so much more grounded and real and immersive if they just let MC sit down and have a talk with these people about everything and have feelings get resolved and see bonds strengthen!!! It would be so Good!!!

Instead, I must sit here, depressed while Cove laughs off several years of character development like "ha ha okay then bro, very funny" like😭😭😭What happend to you, my sweat summer bean???

[ectonurites]

Hey I noticed you saying you weren’t a Geoff Johns fan, and I was wondering why? I love his Flash, GL, and Justice League work, amongst others although I haven’t read his Teen Titans, and I’d defer to you as the expert on the core four anyway. So I was wondering, is that run just bad or is it something about his writing as a whole? Obviously not an issue you dislike Johns, just curious why.

AH YES okay so. Yeah, my problem is more specifically about his Teen Titans run rather than necessarily Johns as a writer in general. (Which I can understand not being 100% clear from the context of what I recently said. My point was primarily 'it's frustrating talking about this run with a Johns fan who blindly defends that run's characterization of the core four despite how drastically Johns had altered things')

Frankly, I don't even think I've read all that much of his work to even try to make super general comments/form general opinions on him as a writer. His Teen Titans run often incites a fiery rage within me if I try to think about it too hard/don't just joke about the funny (not intentionally funny, just turns out that way funny) parts, I was Not a fan of Three Jokers after the first issue, I did enjoy Stars and S.T.R.I.P.E., I do really enjoy Superboy: Boy of Steel, and Infinite Crisis was like, interesting. Those are the main things that come to mind that I've read from him, so like, there's definitely varying opinions there—it's not all negative. Just the negative feelings are Strong when they occur.

Anyways, to TLDR why Geoff Johns Teen Titans bugs the shit out of me: it just shows a blatant disrespect for the history and prior characterization of the Core Four! It's not even that I think the book is entirely bad, there are plenty of elements of plots I like (though it's a lot of... 'cool idea, i do not like this execution') and it in general does have some good moments... BUT I think that time where within a three day period I did a full read through of Young Justice (1998) -> Graduation Day -> Teen Titans (2003) thus within a pretty short period of time consumed about 13 years of content that pretty consistently featured at least some combination of Tim, Kon, Cassie and Bart... well it was just eye opening and showed how little care was put into many choices made with how those guys would get portrayed when they transitioned between teams.

Now, at this present point in time, it actually has been a while since I've given Teen Titans Vol. 3 (or even just Johns' run of it, so #1-50 barring a few issues with guest writers) a full reread, so I'm maybe not in the best position to articulate all my thoughts on this subject. Though I did find this post from pretty freshly after I'd done that big mega reread talking about my frustrations in how Cassie was handled.

Just seriously, look how he massacred/yassified my girl….

(Teen Titans Vol. 3 #25)

Now, one thing about me though, is that when I approach these books, even when I have problems with them I don't like to ignore them (the ‘reject the canon you don’t like’ approach to fandom simply does not work for me personally outside of situations where canon literally has conflicting info you need to ignore some of to try to reconcile things OR things get rewritten over like by reboots/retcons).

I like to try to find ways to rationalize/make sense of the things that occur, I try to put pieces together and still find something enjoyable out of it even if it’s far from what the author(s) intended. That’s how I manage to feel as negative as I do about TT Vol. 3 while then also enjoying Boy of Steel—because many of my problems with TT Vol. 3’s approach to Kon come from how changes with him were made and handled… but when I approach Boy of Steel accepting that those changes happened and taking that story in not just still being mad about the previous stuff, I do really like it. I contain multitudes.

Anyways I rambled far more than you probably needed me to, but uhhhh. yeah!

[queen-simia]

lrb: honestly all of this and more has me nervous about the two leads and their relationship in the upcoming comic. folks who know me and my particular leanings will be kinder, I know, but once it escapes containment, all hell may break loose

thought barf below the cut

I already know Virgule will probably be polarizing. he's pansexual by nature as an incubus (when sexual energy is your food, it's best to be omnivorous, knowhutimean), which I already foresee as Problematic™... and he's technically genderless but identifies as masculine, though I write him harder on the camp/femme side. all that plus the fact he's an inhuman being (a demon, to be specific) adds up to poor Virgule potentially being a hate lightning rod ("she should know better as an ace! aces get coded as robotic/inhuman all the time, why would she turn around and do the same to gncs and pans if she claims to care so much???").

the funny thing is, Virg's camp and charisma are all based directly on the stage persona of a straight cis man: Dylan Charles Germick (Planet Booty's front man). and that persona is played as fully sex-positive and lovingly as possible, and is derived heavily from Prince (who was straight *and* very genderfucky, as you know). so, it's not like Virg's character background lacks nuance or is just "lol them silly sex-hungry fairy boys~" but I can easily see how critics could jump to that conclusion

and there's a not-insignificant plot point early in the story that involves consent and boundaries that Virg starts out on the wrong side of (and also introduces the possible interpretation that his feedings may involve dubious consent). thaaaat's gonna be fun to deal with~ 🙃

but again! it's not just for salaciousness! it's to establish a strong part of the dynamic between Virg and Sonrisa re: trust and expectations. could it be done differently? ...not really, given the context of the story and the characters' natures...? it's something I've agonized over in the years I've been developing this story, trust me. :p but it's definitely something I know will be a sticking point when it comes out. maybe it'll cause a fall-off in readership, maybe it won't, but I've been online long enough to anticipate the worst

sorry to say it's stuff like this that had me wondering at several points whether I should bother at all. but, I'm stubborn and vain enough to want a story centered around a short, fat aroace woman that doesn't view any of those traits as negative that I'm going to do it anyway.

tbh I already know having Sonrisa be fat is going to attract loads of mouth-breathing chuds—already inoculated against that 1) from First Contact's 4chan reception of my buff strong-featured Femshep, and 2) lived experience as a fat chick. that funnily enough will hurt less than any potential queer audience blowback. I guess because while it's undeniable I'm fat, my relationship with queerness is much more tenuous.

I already feel like I'm treading on toes as not just an aroace (who, like our bisexual cousins, are already regarded as Schrodinger's Queers), but a demiaroace who seems to prefer mascs ("why don't you just admit you're straight, gawd"). thing is, my lived experience is very much *not* heteronormative, to the point where I've cried and had depressive episodes over possibly having to marry someone I don't love just to survive... and that was *before* I knew asexuality even was a thing. I've experienced medicalization of my lack of sexual attraction. I've lied about my orientation to avoid awkwardness, both socially and medically. I have more in common with your flagship queer identities than I do with straights... but because the four people I've fallen in love with—and only one of whom I've actually had sex with—over 43 years of life happen to be cis men, it still doesn't feel like enough.

so I guess I fear if I tell my story in a way that offends people who are "worthier" queers than myself, I'll have proven myself even less deserving of inclusion than before.

fat-shaming? used to it, next. betrayal of found family? utterly shattering.

bah. still gonna draw my dumb comic. just... still pretty nervous about it, I guess.

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

Hey there! <3

There's just something that has been on my mind lately and I just really wanted to get rid of it, I'm really not the best when it comes to expressing what I feel but I will try to this time.

This account means a lot to me, like a safe space. Your writting is beyond lovely, it brings so much comfort to me, even on hard times. It might look like just words to some, but they mean a lot to me. I don't normally reveal this to anyone, but I used to struggle with self-harming, I've been clean for a year now. But lately, I had been wanting to do it again after seeing something that made me very upset; but when I visited your account and read one of your works, those thoughts immediately flew away.

It's funny how we manage to cause so much impact on someone, and be completely unaware of it.

I'll kindly ask you to not be so hard on yourself, you don't deserve it, and I hope that one day you manage to find some peace of mind. It honestly hurts me that seemingly only the sweetest of people suffer so much. You're loved, Murda. Remember that and hold it close to your chest whenever you feel down.

Oh, Anon.

You have no idea how much I needed this today. Literally the very minute it came through, I had just received some bad news and was sitting in my car, crying.

It means so much to me to be important to someone in some way when I feel so broken and invisible. To have helped you makes my usually melancholy heart actually feel something else. Something brighter.

I made a post about not venting on this blog. I had received cruel asks and messages. I’ve mostly stuck to that and tried to release the negative energy in my writing instead. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t.

I know I apologize to people who read my works a lot. I don’t mean to, honestly. It’s habit. Writing is legitimately all I have and mental illness is slowly taking it away from me.

This turned out a jumbled mess but I think I said what I meant to in one way or another.

Thank you so much again. I’m so touched and humbled. If you ever find yourself battling those urges again, I just want to share something I say out loud to myself. As with anything else when it comes to these struggles, sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn’t, but if it encourages you even one time, saves you one scar, it’s doing what I’ve hoped it would.

I truly hope that you continue on your path to healing. It’s not easy, though I don’t need to tell you that. I’m going to be sending all the positive energy that I can to you. I don’t know you, but I love you. And I’m proud of you. 🩵

[enchi-elm]

Shaving in the U.S. Military

This was an amazing rabbit-hole to fall into.

Having no visible facial hair of my own and not serving in the military (not being American, besides) means I have no context for the scene I am getting ready to write and so I did what any seasoned fic writer would do, which is procrastinate with 45 minutes of research.

Starting with a Youtube search "shaving in the continental army", because you can always find the best tangents pinging away from your actual question when you search on Youtube. And man! There's so many opinions and experiences with shaving!

I started with this:

Haha, I thought. And then, what's a shaving profile?

A shaving profile, I learned, is a shaving waiver, a paper that permits you to grow a "therapeutic beard" to treat, among other things, a skin condition called pseudofolliculitis barbae (PFB), or razor bumps, which can present as anything from uncomfortable to painful and bleeding. A shaving profile can also be issued for religious reasons. When this was first instituted, the hair length of the shaving profile beard could not exceed one quarter of an inch.

Oh, so men have also realized that frequent shaving is hell on your skin, I thought, with some snark. Sucks when your social capital depends on it, doesn't it?

Or your career. Because, in fact, for people in the military, it does.

From a study reported on in 2012, 21% of air force respondents reported that their career had been negatively impacted by having a shaving profile, read, wearing a beard. And of these respondents who reported a perceived shaving profile bias, 63% identified as Black, 14% as Hispanic and 5% as Latino. PFB is most commonly found in Black men.

How strong is this stigma? Oooh, strong.

It's often couched in "concerns" surrounding looking uniform to the group, being able to follow orders, and -- failing all that -- having a tight gas mask seal. But as you can see in this funny video, the tone behind those "concerns" is anything but friendly, and it's costing these soldiers leadership opportunities and awards.

Man, these comments are fascinating.

Alright, noted, I thought. So what does that mean for the 18th Century?

Well, as it turns out, the style has changed a lot in the course of military history. All soldiers were expected to look sharp, but more important in the 18th Century was being clean. Shaving or hair cuts isn't mentioned at all in Baron von Steuben's famous Blue Book but washing frequently is. It's only through the article below that I learned that soldiers in the Continental Army had to shave three times a week, though their facial hair seems to have caused less issue than their head hair.

Shaving yourself is one thing, but there were few options for competently managing your hair, so most men wore their hair long. Those who plaited into a queue did so with flour and animal fat, while cavalrymen put their hair in a club at the base of their neck (which was just a more horse-riding resistant hairstyle).

(Thinking back now, of course, I don't think I've ever seen an 18th C portrait of a man wearing a queue and sporting facial hair (...anyone?). And certainly in TURN the tv show no one has a beard, but that's a modern show catering to modern audiences. I can just imagine the uproar there'd be if anyone other than Caleb Brewster sported prominent facial hair. And certainly we all know how Brewster's beard informs his characterization.)

In 1801, the beloved queue was officially abolished in the U.S. military and it caused an uproar among the enlisted that nearly reached mutiny. From that to the famously bushy moustaches and mutton chops in the Civil War to the long hair, trimmed moustaches, and long side burns of the 1960s and 1970s that the Navy and Coast Guard to my complete shock permitted among their ranks, hair has been a contentious issue, waxing and waning in style ever since the military's inception in the States.

So there you go!

As a final thought, because I am a fic writer with a preference for the Tallster pairing, I shall leave you with one of my favourite Tallster fics, written by the wonderful @lucyemers.

It is, of course, about shaving.

Guess I should go write that scene, now.

[quibbs126]

I drew a part 2 to my favorite Cookies

To be honest though, I just sort of went with whoever I think is neat, I don’t have like a set list of characters. Should probably do that

Anyways, so let’s get into this

Dark Enchantress Cookie: I think she’s a pretty neat villain. Originally I wasn’t expecting her to be old (I didn’t know who the villain was), but I like it. I dunno, maybe I just haven’t seen that many old ladies as villains? And her voice acting’s pretty good too. Also her voice actor, Patty McCormack, seems like a nice lady :)

But another thing I really like about her is (spoilers) the fact that she’s White Lily Cookie. And she’s not like possessed or turned evil by magic means, from what I can tell, the narrative is that she chose to go down this path. Yes she’s not exactly like White Lily Cookie, and her personality seems changed, but she still has all of White Lily Cookie’s memories, and from what I understand, her change to evil is supposed to be more like a negative response to trauma. She was still White Lily Cookie. She used to be a legendary hero, she used to be lifelong friends with the other Ancients, people we know and we know how deep their bond is. And that is just so interesting to me. And it’s like, I get where she’s coming from, I’ve seen her backstory, and how she got the way she did. And to be honest, her goal doesn’t seem that bad, it’s just the way she goes about it. I hope by the end of the story, she gets some form of happy or at least hopeful ending, whether it’s her changing her ways or even finding peace in death, and possibly getting reborn into a new form to live a better life. But I don’t think I want her to turn back into White Lily Cookie. That sort of invalidates Dark Enchantress Cookie and just makes her seem like just some evil form instead of her own person, which she is. I hear people call Dark Enchantress Cookie “the incarnation of evil”, and while maybe she is in Ovenbreak (I don’t know for sure), she’s clearly not in Kingdom. She’s a flawed, complex individual, just like everyone else

Gingerbrave: I know he isn’t popular, but I like him. I don’t get why he’s hated, other than the fact that he’s like, the most basic Cookie. But what’s wrong with that? Sometimes you need some simplicity. Though to be honest, when first seeing the trailers, I didn’t like him. He seemed like some overconfident dude (for the five seconds I saw him before I skipped the trailer) and I thought the whole game was about him. I wasn’t really aware of what a gacha game was (nor that Genshin Impact was one). Also I thought he was like, at least a teenager, somewhere between 15-20, I did not know he was a child. But once I actually started to play the game, he really grew on me, as he just seems so positive. He’s so willing to help people and do the right thing that I can’t help but like him. Yes maybe he’s a bit generic in that sense but I can’t help but see it as genuine. Funny enough this is exactly how I felt about KO from OK KO, back when that first aired, going through the same thoughts and ending up really liking him.

Also one thing I wanna bring up, but the fact that he knows why Cookies are made, but that he still sees the world in such a positive light is just really good. I know it’s not that big a deal for him since he’s know this from the start, this was the reality he’s always known so it’s not any sort of shock, but I can imagine a future scenario where the other characters find out the truth, and also that Gingerbrave knew the whole time, someone asks him how then he’s been so optimistic, how he’s able to keep a smile knowing the horrible truth, and he gives some sort of speech about how he sees things. I don’t give any specifics because I’m not sure what he’d say, but probably something along the lines of “we may have been created to be eaten, but that doesn’t mean that’s why we live” or something like that, I dunno. This’d probably be where he fully goes into his backstory to others. But yeah, I just like Gingerbrave

Gingerbright: Alright I suppose she’s the weakest contender here, as I really don’t know much about her, but like I said, I just think she’s neat. I like how she’s not just “the girl” of the group and has her own personality, and I like how she’s got a backbone and seems to be the responsible one of the group. She kind of gives me older sister vibes, despite the fact that she’s supposed to be younger than Gingerbrave. Also I like the fact that there’s no sort of romance going on between Ginegrbrave and Gingerbright, they’re just friends. That’s pretty common when you have a female version of a main character and I’m glad they didn’t do that. Actually, given that her description says she was made from the leftover dough from Gingerbrave, I personally like to think that makes her Gingerbrave’s younger sister

A shame she can’t be in Kingdom, but I mean I get it. You don’t really need two Gingerbraves (though I think she’d work fine as part of the crew, other than her turning the party from 5 to 6, one too many), and by this point, you can’t really add her into the game, as story wise it’d make no sense. Also she’d probably be a Common Cookie, and why would you add a new Common Cookie? But ah well. Wish she at least had a Cookie Trial in Ovenbreak

Anyways, those are just some of my thoughts. To be honest I quite like doing these as just a way to go in depth about these characters in general without talking about specific scenarios I’ve drawn or relationships with other characters, just the characters themselves and why I like them

[tonya-the-chicken]

Thoughts on Barbie

Mostly negative ones but some compliments too (tagging @galaxydaggers cause you asked) SPOILERS

White cis feminism Both main characters are white. We saw plenty of different Barbies but they serve 0 functions, I wouldn't even call them supportive characters they are just in the background. The only other "active" Barbie is also white. The two human characters are Latina (I think?) but I think they lack depth (more on that later) The movie feels kind of cisheteronormative, ngl. There are 0 queer people or at least not enough for me to notice... Some might say Allan but I don't think we should settle for comic relief that is not even clearly gay. And all this Ken and Barbie stuff that exits the characters at hand and serves as a larger metaphor for the relationship between men and women... My friend also mentioned how Barbie went to a gynaecologist immediately after becoming "human, " showing that being a real woman means having female genitalia... I think this perspective has some value even though personally I just saw it as a joke with no thought behind it

Too many topics to handle This movie is about many things. It's about feminism, it's about an existential crisis, it's about growing up, it's about relationships and a one-sided crush. It lasts two hours and it is not enough to develop such topics and cover them in details and nuances they deserve. The movie tries to be about so many things that it ends up not doing any of them justice

In the face Well, the message of the movie is that feminism is great and becoming your own person is good as well. It is hard to miss because the characters will tell you this in the face. The whole speech thing I saw being praised is just one of the characters spelling out what the movie is trying to say about feminism. It could've been just a tweet or a tumblr post. It doesn't have much artistic value and it is something that has been said many times You can disagree with me but I don't like this. I prefer when a movie makes me think or delivers the message in a subtle way. I like it when I need to move my brain and arrive at my own conclusion instead of being spoon-fed like a baby. I think in a movie the message should be delivered through the actions of characters, their situations, and emotions and not through making them spell out every conclusion you want to make

Underdeveloped characters and lacking plot Most characters have no depth to them, no personality. Ken was probably the most interesting at the beginning, feeling jealous and fighting for Barbie's attention but it was sidelined to make him more of an idiot. Human characters have a bit more personality but not by much. They are the way they are because the movie needs them to be this way and they act the way they do because of the plot or haha funny. And the plot isn't even good. Characters lack motivation (Mattle needs to stop Barbie because... what?) and there are no explanations for some things (like the hell is Barbieland?) Some plot points I'll discuss more in detail taking their message into account

Is it that easy to switch? After Ken finds out about patriarchy he goes back to Barbieland and turns it into Kendom. And all women dress up in revealing outfits and serve men now. And my question is... Why? Why would they listen to him and agree with him? How could he brainwash them? Why are they so happy to be in this position? Are women just a bunch of sheep ready to throw their rights away? This is not how systems of oppression are established and it's no like the oppressed group just gives up on being presidents and writers for fun. That's just stupid

Ken and Barbie questionable moment One of the more outrageous moments to me is the whole Ken-Barbie relationship and what it says about feminism and male radicalisation. We see that Barbie doesn't treat Ken right and sidelines him, and then Ken becomes obsessed with patriarchy. Ken's actions almost feel like Barbie's fault. The movie doesn't blame her but that is the way the plot develops. Not to mention how after everything that he did Barbie has to lull Ken and convince him to leave her house and develop a personality when imo Ken had plenty of personality before the movie made him a patriarchy-obsessed idiot

Where does existential crisis come from? It's supposed to be one of the main themes but I left the theatre feeling confused. Why was Barbie thinking about death? Her human's trouble was too mundane to justify it tbh.... How many kids think about death, c'mon, there are suicidal children and somehow you are telling me it is the first time something like this happened? Plot-wise it's stupid but message-wise it kinda says that existential crisis comes out of nowhere when it is a deep rethink of what you are... Are you telling me the writer couldn't come up with a life-changing event? Or at least show depression properly?... I don't believe

Men crying and women crying Curious thing. Why when Barbie is crying it's this touching significant moment but when Ken crying it is haha funny moment? And then you say "I am a modern man I know crying is ok". Kind of weird to say that after not treating their crying as equally important?...

Good?

It is fun I must admit I laughed

Pink everywhere It was a nice experience to be a part of some big cultural event and dress up in punk and go to barbienheimer and all that stuff. Truly a unique and interesting experience

The final question is: what was this movie made for? It lacks artistic value. It lacks a good message. It's funny and touching sometimes. Yet, it just feels empty and disappointing at the end. It sure has a cultural impact but that makes it a good meme, not a good film. Maybe all it is, in the end, is an ad for Barbie

[riftwalker-limbro]

drifter thoughts that need to get out of my head before i can start studying for the day

i want kelth's drifter to come up with a different name for themself than kelth even though kelth was their name before the zariman incident but until then they will literally just be "drifter". will likely be able to come up with something once duviri drops

its funny to think of like. divergence. operator!kelth has a cane and went full in with the nerd shit they awakened on the zariman. drifter!kelth was thrust into a fight-or-die environment and managed to survive for a Good Long While. emphasis on survive, not thrive or even live.

how angry will ordis be at the kaithe on the orbiter

their personality has been incubating in the back of my head for a bit and it's looking like. grumpy, distrustful, quick to draw a gun/blade at the slightest hint of danger, loud & angry if provoked, withdrawn, and practical to the point of callousness.

which is really interesting to me because normally for OCs i tend heavily towards a variety of 'positive' traits and add a few 'negative' ones for spice, but this lineup is almost entirely 'negative'. you could of course turn it around and say that they're protective, say that practicality is overall good, their distrust makes them independent, and you'd be right! it's just, they're primarily the negative ones. because just like how the old war prevented baby kelth from growing up emotionally, drifter kelth had to adapt to survive at light speed and what came out was the only combination that allowed them to survive at all. and from my pov as the O to this C i think this will be a super interesting character to put in a pen with the others so far and see what will happen - i'm not at all driven off by all the negativity & stress, which is what i'd frankly expected would have happened, but no, this is literally perfectly fine

gonna be fun to put them on the orbiter with baby kelth for a bit so they can relax and gradually start reconnecting with their own lighter, less survival-driven side, by interacting with the literal embodiment of it on a daily basis.

oh and they're getting a cane too. their knee is fucked for duviri related reasons and never healed right. if that's not how duviri ends up working i will still find a way to fuck up their knee. they're not getting out of this without a cane of their own to compare with baby kelth's. ordis can build them a knee brace or smth if they really wanna go out and run

[paisholotus]

𝓒𝓱. 7

Narrative

Today the Quileutes was coming over, to have dinner with the Wilton family. To say Nae and Lea was nervous about having them over was an over statement. They hoped that their family would make a good impression.

"Okay, everybody, please be on your best behavior. Please keep your etiquette in mind." Their mother said, focusing her attention on Aaron and Lea, the family troublemakers. Knowing Nae don't speak unless she is spoken to.

Aaron and Lea mumbled an ok, and their mom rolled her eyes. Aaron carried the plates and sliver ware to the table. While Nae and Lea placed down the dishes.

Jacob's pov

Everyone was getting ready to go over to Nae's house, to have have dinner with her family. And I was anxious, but I pushed my emotions aside and told myself that I wouldn't screw this up. In the mirror, I checked out my clothes, which consisted of a long black sweater and black jeans. I grabbed the carved wolf bracelet I made for Nae. I hope she likes it, I hope I'm not going to fast with her. Considering I haven't been interested with another woman since Bella. I grimaced at the thought of her, and them blood suckers have put me through alot of shit. Me and Nae have been on three dates, since our first one. She genuinely makes me happy.

Before leaving my room, I took one last look at myself and walked downstairs to see Emily and Leah cooking for them.

"Do you think they'll like it, Jake" I looked at glass baking dish that she placed on the counter, and the tablet screen, which read roasted strawberry crumble. "I think they'll like it, Em." I hugged her on the side, and carried the dish to the car.

"He should stop moping around like a lost puppy now that he's found a girlfriend." Paul said, laughing with Jared. I gave him a irritated glare. "Paul, Jared, please stop teasing Jacob. You should be happy for him. Not everybody is able to find someone to make them happy." Emily said, with a smile.

Paul muffled an sorry. Which shocked me because he never apologizes. "Don't get used to it." he said, quickly when he saw my smirk.

Seth burst out laughing and hugged him from the side. "Well, Embry and I are both proud of you, bro." Quil said.  With Embry nodding eagerly. We finished getting ready, and carried everything to the car. Emily smiled at me, giving me a hug. "okay, we'll be leaving shortly. Go tell Embry to come down, Jake."

She turned to Sam and said to him, "I hope everything goes well." He nodded, saying a quiet "me too."

Embry's pov

I was finishing my hair in the shower. I wanted to make an good impression when I saw Lea again. Even though we only been on two dates, I felt overwhelmed by everything happening too quickly.

I realized she was no girl I ever met before. I mean I've had plenty of crushes on girls at school, but I was never the out going type, to ask someone out. To me I thought she was one of those pretty girls that wouldn't give me the time of day, but once I got to know her, we have so much in common. She's sweet, outgoing, funny, smart, she has the cutest laugh I've ever heard. She's the complete opposite of me, but that's why I like her.

That's when my mood sank, what if I mess up? What if she realizes I'm no good for her. I mean out of all the pack, I don't really think I'm the best looking one. I-i don't know I just want things to work between us. I asked Jake if I should bring her something, and he said he made Nae a carved wolf bracelet. It took me a couple hours beforehand to think of what to get Lea, and I remembered she told me she loved flowers. So I got her favorite, blue hibiscus flowers. Emily and Leah grow them out back, Emily likes planting Vegetables and flowers. She's notorious for her green thumb, lord knows Sam can't keep something alive to save his life.

I took a deep breath to try to calm my nerves, so I can think positive. I can't think negative all the time, maybe Lea actually likes me for me. It's her chocolate brown eyes, that stare into to mine that makes me feel all giddy. My thoughts were disturbed when Jake knocked on my door.

"We're ready to go. You should come on, so we don't be late." I signed and shut the door behind me before following him down the stairs. Everyone was outside waiting for me and Jake, then all of sudden that nervousness came back. Jake noticed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "chill out, Embry. You'll do just fine." He said, giving a reassuring nod.

I nodded and got into Sam's truck. Which had me, Jake, Emily, and, Quil. While Billy's truck had Jared, Paul, Leah and Seth. I looked at Lea's flowers as we pulled off leaving, heading to their house.

Narrative

Nae and Lea checked themselves in the mirror one last time, before looking at each other and chuckled. "Damn, didn't think I'll be here. Actually having the boys we're seeing have dinner with our family. Has Jacob even asked you to be his girlfriend yet?" Lea asked, Nae.

Nae sat beside Lea on the couch and shook her head, smiling a little bit. "Has Embry asked you yet?" She asked, Lea. Lea shook her head and held her hands in her lap. They sat in comfortable silence before Lea spoke again. "You and Jacob look good together. " She told, Nae. Nae blushed, looking at at her younger sister. "Really?" Lea nodded, sitting closer to Nae, grabbing one of her hands. "I really like him, he ain't like any of the other boys I've dated. He's sweet, kind, funny. We have the same music taste, that man listens to R&B." Nae hit Lea's leg with a big smile on her face, but it fell a little bit. When she realized something.

"But he's been hurt before. And I just wanna be good enough for him." Nae said, sadly. Lea leaned over and kissed Nae's cheek, "You are good enough. Anyone would be lucky to have you." Lea said, proudly. Nae smiled and mumbled a small thanks.

"You and Embry look good too." Nae said. Lea confidently crossed her arms and said, "yeah, I know." Nae smacked her teeth, and playfully shoved Lea.

"THEY'RE HERE!" Aaron yelled. Nae and Lea looked at each other and signed. "Welp, let's get this over with." Walking out the living to go greet their dinner guest.

[thebreakfastgenie]

What is your problem? You waited weeks to answer an ask so that when you did publish it the asker would look like they were talking nonsense so you would have the opportunity to condescend to them. You then further condescended by saying they were wrong in every way but rather than explaining why you were right, you just said you know you're right because you have a better-than-average "gaydar"?

I waited a couple of days to answer the ask because I was in New York City at a concert which I have been posting about nonstop. I didn't get the ask until this week, even though the conversation it referenced was a couple weeks ago. My problem is that it took me a minute to figure what anon was talking about and I'm still only mostly sure I guessed right, because that post did happen weeks ago. I'm guessing anon just saw it and didn't realize it was from a while back because tumblr is notoriously bad at datestamping, so I'm not mad about it, but I was trying to humorously remind people that they need to provide more context if they want me to understand what their asks are about.

I didn't say they were wrong in every way, I literally said I agreed with their conclusion, just not their reasoning, and explained why.

I know you're just trying to get a rise out of me, but I'm going to respond to the rest of this anyway. I didn't mention my own gut reaction until the end because it's not actually evidence that I'm right, I just thought it was worth mentioning as a supplement, because it is one of only two times I reacted that way, and when someone who usually doesn't react picks up on something it can be a sign that there is something there.

I knew someone was going to react that way to my gaydar specificity but it was so funny to me that I made it anyway. I was not saying I have a better-than-average gaydar; if anything, I was saying the opposite.

Sensitivity and specificity are properties of a diagnostic test. Sensitivity refers to a test's ability to correctly diagnose a positive result, while specificity refers to a test's ability to correctly diagnose a negative result. A test with high sensitivity will turn up more positive results, which means it also turns up more false positive results. A test with higher sensitivity will turn up more false negative results, meaning it misses more positive cases. Here's an example of a hypothetical test:

This test was given to a population of 10. 3 have whatever condition is being tested for, while 7 do not. There were 4 positive tests, but only 2 of those really had the condition, while one who really had the condition tested negative.

This test has a specificity of about 71% and a sensitivity of about 67%, so this test is better at correctly identifying negative results than correctly identifying positive results.

Increasing either specificity or sensitivity decreases the other so it's very important when developing a diagnostic test and screening program to decide which one to prioritize. It usually depends on the relative consequences of false positives and false negatives.

These concepts come up a lot in introductory epidemiology courses, so I was having a little fun by applying stuff I learned in grad school to fandom stuff. My point was that I'm usually the one saying I don't think something is gay when the rest of the fandom does, or I can see it if I look for fun but the intended explanation is very obvious to me. I'm less likely to have a false positive gay interpretation--believing something is gay when it definitely was not in canon--but I'm also more likely to have a false negative and miss something that was intended as subtext. Most people I encounter in fandom have gaydars with high sensitivity and low specificity, so they're very likely to pick up on intended subtext, but also see it when it isn't there. That's not necessarily entirely accurate in either case, because literary analysis isn't a diagnostic test, let alone fandom meta, but it's a fun metaphor to use and I felt like being silly.

I hope you all enjoyed this mini-lesson on specificity and sensitivity. This will be on the midterm.

[kattahj]

I finished watching KinnPorsche

Thoughts under a cut so that people who are likely to be upset can scroll by, because to the surprise of no one who read my initial reactions, this isn't a very positive review.

But to the surprise of at least me, it's not entirely negative either.

I kept wondering if it was a comedy. Mainly because some of the comedic bits are actually funny, and some of the dramatic bits are also funny. And while I don't buy the central romance, there was a sense of playfulness to some of the lighter scenes that was fun to watch.

Some of the moments I found funny: The trash fire, the deaths of Big and Ken, Tankhun & Arm going full Home Alone during the final shootout, and actually quite a bit of episode 6.

Then I thought, is it just camp? Is that what it is? What is it about this show that has made it so popular? And why am I, personally, still watching the whole thing?

So I have spent a lot more time trying to make sense of this show than I usually do with stuff I think is kind of shit.

Things KinnPorsche makes somewhat sense as:

A comedy

A LARP

A BDSM roleplay (the VegasPete stuff)

A high school production of Bugsy Malone with more sex and fewer songs

Thing KinnPorsche makes no sense as whatsoever:

A drama where I'm supposed to take any of it seriously.

I just didn't believe any of it. And I think I'm generally pretty good at believing stuff! I believed that Jinta could turn back time, that Win was possessing Lin's body, that White and Black were two different people, and that Uncle Jim was in his late thirties.

But I didn't believe that any of these people were who they said they were. (Except maybe Chay, but admittedly that's an easier role – he's just a teenager with a crush, and most of us have been teenagers with crushes at some point.) I didn't believe that the mafia were mafia, or that the bodyguards were bodyguards. I didn't believe that the people who were supposed to be in love were in love, or that the people who were supposed to be related were related. I didn't believe in their reaction to events, nor in the events themselves, though I still got a bit invested in the melodrama now and again. I certainly couldn't believe the background music.

I kept thinking, why THIS show? If you wanted a high suspense queer Thai drama, 3 Will Be Free was right there. Manner of Death was right there. And now there's Never Let Me Go, Laws of Attraction, and Triage, so there's even less reason.

Then – and this took me ten episodes or so – I thought, but what if you don't want any of that? You don't want to think about stuff like trafficking, organ theft, child murder, government corruption, miscarriage of justice, class issues, homophobia, transphobia, the treatment of sex workers, or the cycle of violence. You don't want to have to worry about getting to care for characters only to watch them die. (Except the hedgehog.) All you want are some sexy mafia tropes, a villain's lair or two, and hot guys making out. You want to watch murder and torture on screen and not feel anything other than mild amusement.

And, well, it's pretty much perfect for that, isn't it?

It just isn't really what I want.

[baddiedaddy7]

𝗝𝘂𝗽𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗜𝗻 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲𝘀🍀🧡

🌺𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝔽𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🌺

i don’t associate a height with this one. i’ve seen all types of heights with these ppl. may be thicc/curvalicious lmao. the guys here may be buff. forehead may be big, or may have a big head in general. laidback vibes. knows how to look on the bright side of things. at first you may be/come off as friendly, annoying, honest, loud, and cheery. chatty, and good at conversating. most likely extroverted. you can be humorous. celebrities:Rihanna, Whitney Houston, Ashton Kutcher, Richard Gere

💸𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕊𝕖𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕕 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖💸

attracts money, fortune, and just lucky in the financial world lol. may win the lottery, or just get rich by luck in someway. may love or hate/dislike foods from other countries, tropical/exotic fruits, wine, alcohol in general, etc. may like fruit based perfumes(strawberries, peaches, etc). may be attracted to nice legs, or thick thighs. athletes may be attractive to you also. you may have a big/thick neck. style may be with what’s popping/trending. the way you dress may be extra lmao. may dress according to a culture. idk why but i see bright colored clothes mainly here. a fan of name brand. you need to make sure to not burn a hole in your pocket, and buy useless things. generous.

celebrities:Madonna, Britney Spears, Jay Z, Robert De Niro

📚𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕣𝕕 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖📚

talks with upbeatness. joyful voice. may get lucky chances through neighbors, neighborhood, or siblings. a story teller that’s extra lol(adds details to their stories). may be a foreign student/go to school in a different state/country. may be the class clown, not go to school a lot, or just noisy at school in general lmao. lucky when it comes to school(may miss a lot of work but pass). may be popular among peers. you may have fat hands. siblings may have jupiter/sagittarius/9th house prominent in their chart. you’re most likely the sibling that plays too much, buys your siblings stuff, and your siblings may view you as chill, and happy/positive. has long convos w/siblings, and may have many siblings. driving may be fast, and reckless lol. may get overconfident on the road.

celebrities:Lana Del Rey, Hilary Duff, Jim Carrey, Dwayne Johnson

🧸𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝔽𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🧸

i see road trips with the fam here lmao/may have travelled a lot as a kid. may have had a big house or yard, and may have had extras at your house(pools, trampolines, etc). may have moved a lot/lived in many places. probably was taught abt other cultures as a kid. most likely has a huge family. mother may have been spiritual or religious, open minded, fun, free spirited, honest, and probably taught you not to be judgemental/close minded. if negative, she may have been rude, irresponsible/negligent, selfish, and arrogant. mom may have sagittarius/9th house/jupiter energy in her chart. gals here may have big boobies, or guys here may be buff.

celebrities:Miranda Kerr, Kesha, Jaden Smith, Wiz Khalifa

🎲𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝔽𝕚𝕗𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🎲

generous, with little kids esp. may love to buy little kids toys, candy, etc. may have/want many kids. kids may have sagittarius/jupiter/9th house placements significant in their chart. may be too laidback when parenting/may not know when to set rules, may even be lazy with parenting from time to time. but on the bright side, they can teach their kids wise things and open minded ways. i feel like these ppl would accept their kids for who they are and love them no matter what. open minded, inconsiderate, free spirited, immature, and fun in the dating world/beginning of a relationship. your heart may be large lol(literally). may like to share with their partners, weather it’s food, clothes, gifts, etc. may turn up hard at parties, if not then they’re probably socializing with everyone, just knows how to have a good time. you may like dates where you can be outside(picnic, park, hiking, etc) or just have fun in general(amusement parks, beaches, dave and busters, etc)

celebrities:Kourtney Kardashian, Janis Joplin, Elon Musk, Will Smith

🍬𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕊𝕚𝕩𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🍬

doesn’t stay sick for long, and dodges illnesses. may have a bit of a tummy. big, & energetic pets might be what you want(i want a pet giraffe & this is my placement but that’s illegal lmaoo). so you may want a dog, horse, etc. may have multiple pets. most likely has many hobbies/activities. cares abt others, and doesn’t mind sharing. talented at many things. since jupiter indicates optimism, and 6th house rules everyday stuff, you know how to look on the bright side of things. can also be calm under pressure. we don’t have a routine, whatever happens happens, and we like to live in the moment. routines are too predictable and boring. caring

celebrities:Mariah Carey,Meryl Streep, Ben Affleck, Frank Ocean

🦋𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕊𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🦋

may have a love-hate relationship with ppl that have a lot of jupiter/sagittarius/9th house in their chart. enemies may have jupiter/sagittarius/9th house in their chart or lovers/friends. may attract these ppl a lot. may attract fun, inconsiderate, open minded, immature, spiritual, chill ppl. may attract foreigners. may like to travel with other ppl instead of by yourself. you need to figure out what you want in the romance world. you may be commitment phobic. may have a friends with benefits at some point or a one night stand. you can attract many pleasant relationships though. you may have a big butt

celebrities:Marilyn Monroe, Alicia Keys, Drake, Jimi Hendrix

🐍𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝔼𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🐍

may be into mysteries. you may also attract money, or get it easily. may be transcendental. accepts change, and usually open to it. embraces the unknown, and death. intuition may lead you to luck. if you’re a vagina carrier, you may have big labias or clitoris, if you have a penis, it may be larger than average. high libido gangg lol. may like to fuck outside or like it rough, and reckless. doggy style lmao. fun filled sex is also seen here, and may want to have sex often.

celebrities:Taylor Swift, Tina Turner, Michael Jackson, Snoop Dogg

🍄𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 ℕ𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🍄

may major in religion, law, geography, culture, etc in college or university. knowledge refreshes your soul. optimistic outlook on things. values freedom. can either be rlly non judgmental, or judgmental and noisy. you may love to travel, and may have a love for trivia too. debates are fun to you, and you may have a knack for random facts. you may love to learn abt other countries, cultures, environments, etc. may know how to speak many languages, and may love libraries/books. you may have thicc thighs. wholesome

celebrities:Ariana Grande, Gwen Stefani, Johnny Depp, Keanu Reeves

🪐𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕋𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🪐

your reputation may be that your wise, obnoxious, funny, chill, and cheery. pilot, flight attendant, professor, teacher, philosopher, etc may be a career of yours or something you’ve thought of being. need a job where you can either travel or spread/learn wisdom and knowledge. may have bulky knees. ambitious, knows how to get to the top. may be lucky in the career world, and get many opportunities.

celebrities:Angelina Jolie, Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs, Kurt Cobain

👾𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝔼𝕝𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖👾

friends, and ppl that crush on you often may have jupiter/sagittarius/9th house placements in their chart. may have bulky ankles/calves. may have friends or be the friend that likes to party, is loud, funny, wise, and chill. may have many friends from different cliques, so they may not get along. may have friends from different religions, cultures, and countries. may want/like to travel with friends. gets along with a lot of ppl. may be obnoxious.

celebrities:Zendaya, Anne Hathaway, Prince, Elton John

🐣𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕋𝕨𝕖𝕝𝕗𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🐣

you may not have rlly care abt material things. sees good in everything. you may do mediation, if not then you should. you may be spiritual. may have big feet. you may be able to feel vibes off of people, and may be psychic. sees the big picture. you’re thoughtful, and careabt others. might share something and not expect anything in return/genuine.

celebrities:Beyoncé, Sandra Bullock, George Clooney, Barack Obama

[collecting-stories]

Hey Stephen - Steve Harrington

Request: Hi, can I please have a ride based on Hey Stephen by Taylor Swift with Steve Harrington where the reader is Dustin's sister and Dustin's watching his sister crush on his best friend like "this is disgusting, but adorable"? @thecaptaingingersnap 

A/N: Sorry this took so long...I was kinda sick last week and struggled to get on. 

Stranger Things Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

Your infatuation started long before your little brother somehow managed to become friends with one of Hawkin’s High school’s most popular students. It was probably around the time you sprained your ankle during gym class and Steve Harrington volunteered to take you to the nurse’s office so you could get iced up and call your mom.  

There in the nurse’s office, as he held a pack of ice to your ankle, you were positive, was exactly when the crush began. It lasted through girlfriends that he had, the few times that Carol and Tommy had set their sights on you during a class and Steve had rushed an apology as the bell rung and he followed them out, and now, his friendship with your brother. You weren’t even really sure how Steve had become friends with Dustin, or why for that matter, but you couldn’t help being a little thankful. Sure, most of the time when you knew he would be stopping by you were doing your best not to embarrass yourself but at least you got to see him right? Got to really actually talk to him.  

“You’re such a creep, you know that?” Dustin teased, standing in the kitchen doorway as he ate the pizza lunchable he had just constructed and watched you try to look natural as you glanced out the window for any sign of Steve’s car.

“I’m not a creep Dustin.” You insisted, “I’m waiting for our ride, like people do.”  

“Yeah, except normal people don’t stand at the window like they’re an axe murderer waiting for a victim.” He replied. He was all dressed up for the winter dance that you had somehow been roped into chaperoning. You knew Nancy would be there and, while you weren’t always the best of friends, she was nice and you could at least talk to her. Steve would be there, apparently, and he’d offered to drive you and Dustin there too.  

A dance for middle schoolers shouldn’t make you this anxious but you couldn’t help it. You felt like you were going to burst from excitement and nerves all at the same time.  

“I don’t wanna be late!” You snapped, turning to glare at him. You’d been ready for the last two hours, picking at your hair and dress, trying on three different pairs of shoes, reapplying mascara and lipstick, practically shaking. You wanted to look good, but for what? So Steve might, maybe, notice you? And not just as Dustin’s sister or that girl who couldn’t manage to run the mile in seventh grade but as an actual person who he maybe could like.

“Okay, okay, take a chill pill, god. You’re negative attitude is gonna deflate my hair.”

“I’ll deflate your hair if you don’t stop bothering me Dustin!”  

With your back turned to the window, headlights turned into your driveway and a horn echoed in the car port. Dustin smiled, mouthing a “showtime” as he tossed his trash in the bin and headed for the front door. You followed, grabbing your purse and trying to catch one last glimpse of your appearance in the mirror.  

“You look fine.” Dustin promised, grabbing your arm and dragging you out the front door. He didn’t wanna be late, especially not because of you and your weird Steve Harrington hang up. Will told him it was the same as him liking Max or Stacey but Dustin was unwilling to believe that explanation. It was just weird, his sister having a crush on his friend.  

“Hey Hendersons, ready to party?” Steve joked, leaning over the middle console to pop the passenger side door for you. Dustin climbed in the back seat and smiled, his reflection catching in the rearview mirror.

“I was born ready.” He replied, enthusiastically. “She was born with one leg up in the air.”

“It was the Olympics that year,” you shrugged, smacking your brother when he leaned between the seats, “I was getting a head start on gymnastics.”

Steve laughed as if that was the funniest thing anyone had ever told him, “that’s great.”

“So, are you excited about going to your sixth grade winter formal all over again?” You asked, twisting a little in your seat to focus on Steve as he drove.  

In the backseat, Dustin rolled his eyes.  

“I was gonna wear the same tux but, ya know, I got taller.” He joked.  

“I thought your hair just got higher.” Dustin teased and you couldn’t help laughing.  

“Ha ha you’re so funny.” Steve replied, “hey, smack your brother for me?”

You obliged, leaning over the seat to hit him. As you leaned passed the center console, you held the edge of Steve’s seat for stability, your arm brushing against his and your hair falling into his line of vision for a moment, curly strands tickling his cheek. He turned his head when the car stopped for a red light, watching you as you laughed at Dustin and pulled yourself away from him, falling back into your seat.  

Tommy and Carol always said you had a hopeless crush on Steve but he was always a little too preoccupied by the girls who were more vocal about their feelings. He remembered when Nancy first started flirting with him at a party. He’d felt a little “on top of the world” every time someone paid attention to him. Steve honestly couldn’t remember a time when you were throwing yourself at him though. You were always friendly, and he’d seen more of you this year as he found himself hanging out with Dustin in an unironic way, but he’d never really thought of you liking him. Even when Tommy and Carol first said it, he just brushed it off.  

“So, Henderson, you excited?” He asked, trying to get back some of that junior year cool he’d had.  

You raised an eyebrow at him and pointed to yourself, clarifying that it was you that he was talking to. When he nodded, you shrugged, “I guess.” You smiled at him as the light turned green, “I got a hot date after all.”

“What?”

“She promised Will she’d dance with him at least once.” Dustin replied. Out of all his friends, Will was your favorite. Much nicer than Lucas and Mike, not so self-centered.  

“Oh man, I can’t compete with that.” Steve laughed, “save me a dance though, will you?”

“I’ll try to pencil you in.” You replied, even as you felt your face get hot, flushed with the suggestion that the two of you might actually share a dance. You definitely shouldn’t be this excited about a dance for sixth graders.  

Dustin made an exaggerated gagging noise from the backseat, “disgusting, you guys are disgusting.” He stated, trying to keep the smile at bay. Disgusting maybe, but kind of adorable, though he definitely wouldn’t tell you that.