#turns out knowing the game mechanics well makes things easier

[sieglinde-freud]

CHAPTER 11 MADDENING CLEARED GAMES OVER I CAN REST

[impala-dreamer]

Try It On

A Supernaturally Adorable Story

~Y/N and Dean like to spend their days off fooling around in the Bunker, and one particularly foolish day, they stumble into a room, and some items, she's never seen before...~

Dean Winchester x F!Reader

3,850 Words

Warnings: It's... Fluffy, Banter-y, Cute, Sexy, Kissy, Fun

A/N: This is for my free space for @jacklesversebingo ! And... special thanks to @deanwinchesterswitch for helping make the awesome art and showing me how to be better at that in general :) 

Impala-Dreamer’s Masterlist  ~  Patreon  ~ Published Works

The thing you have to understand about the Men of Letters Bunker in Lebanon is that- it’s huge. Well, huge isn’t really the right word. It would be more accurate to describe it as massive- and deceptively so. Not only does it reach down two stories into the earth, but it’s also full of twists and turns and magic. Hallways seem to stretch on forever, lined with horizontal black tiles that trick the eye into believing there’s a dead-end where instead there’s a turn. There are forks in the road that elicit directional anxiety, staircases that lead nowhere, and hidden doorways that if taken, can lead to a random spot in the Bunker that seemed accessible only from the outside.

Once, Y/N had slipped through a small door in the Mechanical Room that she thought was a closet, only to end up standing behind the giant telescope in the Library.

Door numbers played games with her, multiplying and changing. Rooms appeared and disappeared, moved seemingly by magic, or perhaps only in her mind. It was impossible to navigate too far from the main areas without a map, or at the very least, her cell in hand should she accidentally get stuck somewhere new.

As far as Sam knew, there was only one map of the Bunker - the original blueprints to be exact - and the more he studied it, the more he realized that most of the underground lair was not included in the plans.

Life in the Bunker was nice. The cavernous rooms seemed to echo the quiet in a comforting way and although it was usually a little chilly, it was nice to be able to snuggle up in a big sweater or cuddle down in a blanket while reading in the Library. It was easy to find yourself with alone time, and even easier to sneak around in the shadows, finding fun ways to keep occupied while the monsters plotted beyond the big doors.

Those fun ways generally involved some kind of chase between Y/N and Dean which usually, if not always, ended with a trail of flannel leading into either’s bedroom. ‘Sex Tag’, Dean had dubbed it, though Y/N liked to pretend they were a tad less obvious and called it simply, ‘Hide and Seek’.

Last Thursday, one such game was in play. Y/N was the aggressor this time, quickly stalking Dean through the tunnels, her socked feet silent yet slippery on the highly polished tile floor. She raced around corners with a hand on the wall for stability and still almost always wiped out. Around such a turn, she caught a break as Dean, obviously somewhere nearby, let out a breathy laugh.

She spun to her left and spotted him halfway down the right hallway, leaning casually against the tiles. His bare ankles were crossed and off to the side, his arms were folded across his chest, navy Henley stretching sinfully over his biceps. His chin was low and he looked up with a devilish smirk, letting her know that despite having given away his location, he had no intention of letting her catch him yet.

“Caught you,” she announced, taking a short step towards him. She set her hands on her hips and stared him down.

Dean licked his lips and bit back a smile, forcing the tiny dimples above his mouth to pop. “Uh, you ain’t caught me yet…”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You really gonna make me come all the way over there?”

In one slick motion, Dean pushed himself away from the wall and dragged a hand back through his short hair. He peered over at her, green eyes dark with temptation. “Only if you wanna win.”

Y/N clicked her tongue, daring him to move. “I found you- that’s usually enough to garner a win.”

He turned to face her full on, bowed legs spread shoulder-width apart. He let his arms hang down as if he were at ease, but she knew he was ready to bolt.

“Usually,” he agreed.

“But not today?”

He sucked his teeth and shook his head slowly. “Not today.”

Y/N took a step toward him. “No?”

Long fingers tensed against worn denim. “No. Today it’s a tag or nothing.”

She took another step and Dean’s jaw twitched.

“So, if I grab your ass,” she asked, “I win?”

Plump lips curled on one side. “If you can catch me, sure.”

She took a deep breath.

He mirrored.

She held in the air and took a step.

He lingered, daring, teasing.

On her exhale, Y/N pushed off on her right foot and broke into a run, her arms pumping, thighs straining to pick up speed while simultaneously fighting to stay upright on the slippery ground.

Dean waited exactly seven seconds before retreating. He spun on the spot; the balls of his bare feet squeaking gently on the tiles as he took off. The first few yards he dashed at full speed, just to put some space between himself and the huntress, but after a peek over his shoulder, he slowed, shifting into first gear. It wasn’t a Sex Tag if she didn’t eventually catch him, after all.

Y/N’s heart was pounding, skin heating up, muscles thrumming with adrenaline. Once close enough to smell the lingering aftershave on his neck, she reached out and grabbed blindly for him, catching the collar of his shirt and tugging hard.

Dean gasped at the sudden pull and his arms shot out at his sides, balancing even as Y/N jerked him backwards. She slipped as they both came to a screeching halt, and Dean caught her just before she hit the floor, surely saving her from a bruise or two.

Out of breath and victorious, Y/N straightened up and pushed at his chest, slamming him back into the wall. “Gotcha!”

He lifted his chin above her forearm and made a play of being pinned even though they both knew he could slip away without much effort.

“Still haven’t won yet,” he informed her.

Y/N huffed and reached an arm around him, grabbing his left ass cheek hard.

Dean held in a yelp.

“How ‘bout now?”

He grinned, drew his bottom lip in between his front teeth. “I fold.”

“Thought you might.”

To seal the deal, Y/N pushed up on her toes and kissed him hard. The arm barring his chest dropped and Dean wrapped his arms around her, tugging her closer and spinning so she was against the wall.

His tongue slid across her lips and her hands slipped down his chest. He bucked his hips against her and she moaned through the kiss. Her fingers bunched up around his stomach, grabbing at the navy fabric, wanting him closer.

He shivered and trailed his lips across her cheek, dropped a kiss by her ear, let out a heavy breath that prickled her skin.

“Want you,” he growled, rocking into her once more. “Now.”

Delicate fingers tucked up beneath his shirt and scraped down his belly. Y/N drew a finger across his hip bone and looked up at him, teeth snagged, eyes glazed beneath batting lashes.

“Right here.”

It wasn’t a question.

Dean pushed himself up, set his hand on the wall beside her, stared down with a shy grin. “Yeah?”

She hooked her fingers in his belt loops and tugged. “Yeah. Right here.”

Green eyes went wide and freckled cheeks blushed. Hesitantly, he dropped his right hand to her breast and felt for her nipple through the layers of fabric.

Y/N arched her back against the wall, pushing her chest out and moaning loudly.

The echo scared him and Dean looked cautiously over his shoulders.

“What? Afraid your brother’s lurking?” she teased.

He huffed out a sarcastic laugh but looked back again, certain they’d be caught. “Yeah… OK, maybe a little.”

Y/N held his gaze and snapped her fingers over his jeans, popping the brass button open. He hissed as her hand snuck down inside; the zipper easing open to give her more room.

“Someday,” she whispered, drawing his attention closer as she traced his quickly stiffening cock with her thumb. “I’ll get you to indulge my public sex fantasy…”

His eyes went wide when she cupped his dick in her warm hand. “Fuck!”

Quickly but reluctantly, he pulled her hand away and reached for the doorknob on her left. The lock was in place and he issued an annoyed huff.

Y/N watched as he fumbled with the door across the way - also locked - and then cleared her throat.

“We can just go back to my place,” she offered. “Though, I’m not quite sure how to get back there…”

Dean was already on the next door. “No, no. We’re gonna… just… find a spot to hide in… and- yes!” The fourth door he tried opened and he waved Y/N over.

She followed through the portal and nearly stumbled into him as the darkness devoured them both.

Just a bit scared, Y/N spun around as Dean shut the door. “A little light would be nice!”

“Workin’ on it!”

She took a step backward and hit an unexpectedly soft barrier. She turned, feeling with cautious hands, a wall of hanging fabrics. Confused, she reached higher and felt a metal rod and plastic hangers.

“Is this…”

Dean found his way to the switch and two hanging lights flipped on.

“... a closet-” Y/N’s excitement grew when her eyes adjusted. “What… on earth…”

Dean hummed curiously. “Oh shit. I didn’t realize we were over here.”

Y/N took a look around. “Where exactly is here?”

“South of the kitchen,” he replied. “Or east. I can’t remember.”

She was awed.

It was a bedroom, or at least, used to be. The layout was familiar. The standard full bed with its ugly green blanket was there, as was the writing desk and the random sink against the front wall. Everything was the same except for the massive collection of costumes. The perimeter was lined with bulging clothing racks and boxes filled with shoes. Hats of all varieties hung on nails hammered into the plaster walls and ties in just about every shade of blue and red were neatly displayed on a hanging rack by the door.

With an amused smile growing on her lips, Y/N ran her hands over the shirts on the left side of the room and plucked a brightly colored Hawiian shirt from the rack. She turned, holding it up for Dean to see.

“This yours?” She held in a laugh.

He clicked his tongue and grabbed at the hanger, pulling it away. “Hey. I like this shirt.”

“It’s… loud.”

He glared. “It’s a disguise, OK?” Carefully, he put the flowered button-down back in its place. “They all are.”

“Not a very subtle one,” she joked, shaking her head as she flipped through the rack. “Oh my…”

Next, she pulled free a leather jacket and caressed it gently. “Now this- I like this.”

Dean rolled his eyes as she shrugged on the quilted leather. “Of course you do. Chicks dig guys in leather.”

Y/N fit her arms into the long sleeves and popped the collar up around her neck. “Whatcha think?” She posed for him and Dean stood back, checking her out.

“Very hot. You got a real… Rizzo vibe goin’ on.”

She tongued her cheek and popped a hip his way. “Yeah? You gonna mark me up, Kenickie?”

Dean whistled and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “You better believe it…”

Y/N chewed her lip and took a step, ready to attack him. Before she could get the momentum, a dirty mustard-colored sleeve grabbed her attention and she shifted course.

“Is that?” She tugged the costume from the rack and held it up to look it over. “When were you a fireman?”

Dean sighed. “I don’t know- years ago.”

“And you kept the outfit?”

He shrugged. “Yeah… I guess.”

She narrowed her eyes curiously and leaned in, taking a sniff of the coat. It was musty but unburned. “Why?”

Something stirred inside and Dean felt suddenly like he had to defend himself from her scrutiny, but at the same time, he couldn’t figure out why. His answer came out in a stumble of letters that tried to climb over and inside each other.

“It’s not- don’t- you just- who- I don’t know!” In a snit, he grabbed the suit and shoved it back in its place. “Do you have to touch everything?”

Y/N held her amusement inside. “Yes. Yes I do.”

Twirling around him, she jumped up and tipped a tan Stetson from its hook. It fell onto his head easily and Y/N nodded in approval.

“Awesome.”

Dean inhaled deeply, pushing down his annoyance even as his cheeks burned. “Yeah, yeah… go on. Make fun of me.”

“Oh, I will never make fun of Cowboy Dean.”

He looked up at her from under the brim and she winked, soothing his hurt.

Feeling guilty, Y/N sashayed up to him and lifted his chin with two fingers. “I think it’s cool that you kept all this.”

His brows creased. “Yeah?”

She smiled. “Absolutely. Even cooler that you got to wear it all. I’ve only ever gone undercover as a Fed. This is…” She paused and looked around the room. Lab coats and police uniforms and bright orange construction vest looked back at her. “This is cool.”

Dean softened and fit his arm around her waist, hand flat on the small of her back. “You were a doctor once, if I remember…”

“A lab tech,” she corrected, lightly jabbing a finger into his chest.

He nodded. “Ah, right. I remember you in that white coat… and that tiny skirt that barely covered your-”

“Hey!”

She slapped him and he lunged for her, stealing her breath with a deep kiss. Wrapping her fingers around the open collar of his shirt, Y/N tugged him closer, licked into his mouth, hummed at the sugary taste of him. A late breakfast of black coffee and a powdered donut lingered on his tongue.

His eyes were closed when she pulled back, his pouty lips puckered and searching for more. She laughed.

“Know what’d be super hot?” she whispered, walking her fingers up to loop around the nape of his neck.

Dean set his hands on her hips, thumbs cutting circles in the soft flesh beneath her shirt. “What’s that?”

She spun away again and waltzed to the other side of the room, plucking a disguise from the rack at random. Without looking, she tossed it at Dean who caught it before the hanger poked his eye out.

“Wear it for me,” she said, desire dripping from her lips.

“You’re crazy,” he laughed.

Y/N pouted and fluttered her eyes at him. “Come on, Dean… try it on.”

Intrigued, he examined the outfit she’d chosen. It was the pale blue shirt and dark slacks of a navy uniform, complete with white Dixie Cup hat.

“You’re serious.”

She nodded. “I am.”

He fiddled with the buttons. “Yeah… I’m not doin’ that.”

“Come on, baby… put on a show for me…”

He felt a twinge in his gut and blood rushed to his cock. He sighed dramatically. “Fine. Have a seat…”

Stetson returned safely to its hook, Dean rearranged the rack by the door so he could hide behind it as he changed. The move wasn’t out of modesty, as there wasn’t much privacy left between them, but purely for the game.

Y/N appreciated the little touch and set herself up on the edge of the bed, waiting patiently for the show to begin. From the corner of her eye, she spied a cardboard box on the floor with a glinting bit of chrome inside.

The chrome trimmed out the edges of an old yet professional looking camera and Y/N held in a delighted laugh. Stealing it, she set herself up in the middle of the bed, legs crossed, fingers learning the buttons. By the time Dean was ready, so was she.

Dean cleared his throat and lifted his voice up over the dividing rack. “Are you ready for the ride of your life?”

Y/N bit her lip and closed one eye, looking through the lens finder with the other. “Ready, Commander!”

With much dramatic flare, Dean whipped around the rack and appeared in all his naval glory. Gone was his soft Henley and loose, old jeans, replaced by the tight slacks and tucked-in button down shirt. The cap sat tilted on his skull and his eyes bright; playful yet shy.

“Actually, Miss,” he corrected, “that’s Ensign Winchester.”

“You demoted yourself,” she laughed. “Fun.”

Before he could snap back with something clever, a snap disturbed him.

So engrossed in his own costume, Dean hadn’t noticed the long, black camera lens pointed at him.

She snapped a quick shot, then another.

“Perfect…” Two more in quick succession. “Give us a twirl, will ya?”

Shocked and embarrassed, Dean struggled to cover himself by grabbing a gray phone operator’s jumpsuit from the rack.

Y/N whistled. “Oh, yes! That one next!”

Dean scoffed. “In your dreams.” He heard another click of the camera and ripped the cap from his head. “Quit it, will ya?”

“Nope. This is great stuff. Very sexy.”

He groaned. “I hate you so much right now.”

Pouting, she dropped the camera onto the bed and leaned back on her arms, hands barely sinking into the ancient mattress. “Oh, come on…”

Looking up, he found her playfully sad and couldn’t resist the puckered frown of her pretty lips or the fake tears brewing in her beautiful eyes.

He sighed heavily and let the jumpsuit fall to the floor in a heap of cheap polyester. “Fine.”

Arms out, he took a step into the middle of the room and did a quick spin, showing off how tightly the pants hugged his cute little ass.

Y/N grinned and held in a hungry moan. “That’s it, Ensign. Back that thang up.”

Rolling his eyes, he gave her a little shake and then walked away, returning to his sanctuary behind the rack.

“What’s next?” she asked, retrieving the camera and fiddling with the settings.

“Nothing.”

“You’re no fun…”

He was glad the clothing was hiding his smile. Of course he was going to model for her. He’d do just about anything she asked, apparently including, playing dress up on a random Thursday afternoon.

He cleared the smile from his throat and turned up the gruff. “Hold your horses!”

Y/N hid a laugh. “Oh, is there a full cowboy outfit I should know about?”

Dean clicked his tongue. “There is. But dream on.”

“I sure will…”

Fabric rustled and the rack shook a little.

Y/N toyed with the zoom. “Where’s this camera from, anyway? There’s still film in it.”

“Sam sometimes pulls that out when we do the journalist cover. I think he just likes playing with big, long things.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, probably. Though, I don’t think he needs to compensate for anything.”

Startled, Dean’s head popped up over the rack and he glared at her.

“Nevermind…” She batted her lashes and away his concern.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Show me something sexy,” she urged, wiggling on the bed to get comfortable.

“Sexy, huh?” He adjusted his sleeves and took a breath. “How’s this for sexy?”

Around the corner came Mr. Winchester in a dark brown uniform with matching pants and shirt, black belt and a shiny badge over his heart.

She was confused. “UPS driver?”

He scoffed and smoothed out the shirt. “Park Ranger!” Turning, he showed off the patch on his right shoulder. “Love this one. I look good in brown.”

Y/N snapped a few pictures but ultimately vetoed the outfit. “No one looks good in head-to-toe brown.”

Dean scowled and slunk off to change yet again.

Next, a white bit of plastic was fit around his throat and his hair was quickly parted on the side, raked through by thick fingers. The black clerics of a priest were intriguing, but Y/N felt funny kissing a holy man, so she quickly pushed Father Dean away.

A set of green surgeon scrubs were documented but waved away, as were two ill-fitting lab coats of varying lengths, although Y/N thought to sneak a stethoscope away for later.

When Dean revealed what he thought would seal the deal, he was met with nothing but such roaring laughter as to give Y/N a coughing fit.

“What? My legs are sexy!”

Y/N tried to calm herself, but the sight of Dean in tiny red gym shorts and sweat bands around his forehead and wrists was simply too much for her to take.

“When- what- where-” She nearly choked and fell back against the mattress, shielding her gaze from the costume.

With a devastated sigh, Dean turned and ripped the white polo from his back. “Ya know, I was a damned good gym teacher that week!”

“Flag on the play, babe,” she wheezed.

“Fine!” Defeated, he threw his hands up and shrugged. “I don’t know what you want.”

Y/N took a calming breath and scooted to the foot of the bed. “I don’t know…”

“Then I can’t give it to you!”

“Hey! Don’t yell at me. We’re just fooling around.”

He hissed. “I wanna be fooling around, that’s the point.”

“Well, then show me something I can’t resist,” she encouraged. “Find me that one outfit that turns my gears so tight they’ll snap.”

“That’s… not how gears work…”

Eyes rolled hard; teeth were sucked. “Just… you know what I mean.”

“Fine.”

Hangers were shifted about, cheap fabrics were rumpled and tossed aside.

After much foot tapping and debating, Dean made a selection at random and prepared to wave the white flag.

One foot out from behind the rack, however, he knew he had chosen wisely.

Y/N’s jaw dropped and the lens slowly lowered. Her eyes went wide and she felt her skin flush.

“Oh. Oh my…”

Curious, Dean stepped closer and opened his arms. “Really?”

Mouth watering and heart beating hard, Y/N nodded. “Yeah. I have no idea why, but that’s it.”

His brows creased. He dipped his chin and stared at her. “Really.”

Y/N licked her lips and nodded. The heat drained from her cheeks and headed downwards, traveling like his gaze over her breasts and settling between her thighs. “Really.”

“You’re so weird.”

“Don’t care,” she said quickly, standing up and reaching for him. “Get over here, professor.”

Her fingertips grazed over the thick, beige wool of his cable knit sweater, hooked around the big, wooden buttons and tugged him close.

Dean’s eyes lit up with lustful wonder.

“Actually, I was a child psychologist in this thing-”

Another tug on the bulky cardigan had him stumbling down onto the bed with her. “I don’t care. Just fuck me…”

Dean licked his lips and ghosted his fingers over the soft leather hiding her body from him. “Yes, Ma’am.”

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[ghostradiodylan]

[s k i l l ]

So, we talk a lot about Quarry headcanons and what could have been on the Brainrot Discord server that Kat made and one of the things I keep thinking about is how they gave (at least some of) the characters these sets of skills that never really impact gameplay, and I think it would be really cool if they did. Like, if there was more variety in who could be sent on which path. Switching Kaitlyn to the Hackett house path with Laura and Ryan to the scrapyard with Dylan being a popular one for fanfic, but also, idk, maybe Dylan won't let Ryan go without him so he ends up on the Hackett house path too? Maybe Abi steps up to go with Kaitlyn to the scrapyard and has to figure out the crane even though it's way out of her skillset, maybe Emma and Jacob can actually come back and link up with the rest of the gang instead of being stuck out in the woods for so long, stuff like that.

I'm just thinking about what their skills might be and how that might impact the game. Also keep in mind that if the character you most need for a task ends up up dead before that task comes along, it's going to be carnage for everyone else, which would up the replay value significantly IMO.

Kaitlyn: Shooting. She's a MUCH better shot than Ryan, if we can believe the Shooting Stars scoreboard (four of the actual children attending the camp score higher than him), but we never see that in the game? What if the aiming mechanism was actually different between different characters? What if there were shots you could make more easily as Kaitlyn, that were harder to pull off as Ryan?

Ryan: Agility. Guy does a lot of running and jumping, what if there were timed segments that were easier to complete as Ryan within the allotted time, or else something consequential happened? Good luck if you ended up plodding along with Jacob instead, now Abi and Nick are both mauled and turning, or something like that.

Dylan: Tech. Dylan's the physics nerd who slays at the crane game. What if you could bring him to the Hackett house and he could figure out the electric circuit puzzle in no time, but that meant someone else had to help Kaitlyn in the scrapyard? Maybe Ryan can still save Jacob without him but he takes too much time and the Hacketts catch you and pick off one of your party.

Jacob: Strength. Jakey's probably the buffest of the dudes, so maybe there are times you need a pair of strong arms or legs and Jacob's the only one who can come through. They also show us him picking locks but he never does that in an impactful situation, so maybe he'd have a lesser talent for that as well.

Abi: Stealth. Okay, so Abi runs and hides? Maybe she's awesome at hiding, then? Maybe she can get through parts of the game undiscovered by the werewolves that other characters can't. Maybe her being short AF means she can fit into hiding spots that you can't cram the leggy bois like Dylan and Nick into.

Emma: Observation. Emma's always watching and analyzing everyone's behavior and documenting things on her phone. Maybe she can find evidence or tarot cards others can't, or put pieces of the mystery together in ways no one else thinks of. Emma's a badass in the game, but it would be cool to see her 'documentarian' side come in handy prior to the credits rolling, too.

Nick: Climbing. I completely made this up because we don't get to see Nick do much besides try to pull his crush, suck face on a dare with Emma, and get mauled, but we do know he takes kids through the ropes course based on his dialogue with Abi, plus he's tall so he's got long arms and legs! Maybe he's the aerial expert. Maybe he can scale fences and get important items down from trees. Maybe he can climb up and free other characters who get stuck in those snare traps. (Obviously this assumes someone else can be the Designated Werewolf Victim, which I also think would improve the game.)

This also assumes Laura and Max keep their current roles, but I'd be up for that to be changeable too. It's not that I necessarily want a higher number of choices available, I just want the choices we can make to actually impact the gameplay and story arc more! Anyway, that's my Quarry ramble for the day (unless I come up with another one). Anyone else have thoughts?

[shhh-secret-time]

Kenny McCormick

27 y.o (He/They)

Soul Synergy: Flowers grow on your skin wherever you soulmates been injured.

Headcanons:

¤ The only reason he's able to go to college is because of Kevin.

》 Kevin goes into the military as soon as he can, since then he's put money to the side for Kenny and Karen

¤ Kenny still works multiple jobs at a time to give back. Feels like he can't just accept the money

¤ He didn't actually go into college until he was old enough to adopt Karen, he couldn't leave her behind

¤ Going for Robotics/Mechanical Engineering

》 I always saw Kenny as the kind of guy who is a savant at things he cares about, so even though he's not a great test taker he's phenomenal in the field

》 He's the kinda guy that stays up until three in the morning going down the Wiki rabbit hole. Next time someone hangs out with him he's going on about snail facts.

¤ If he ever does find the time to himself he spends it on his car.

¤ Bought an old police car from the scrap yard and has been working on it since

¤ Once he gets it up and going he uses it for street racing, earns a little extra cash that way

¤ Absolutely does everything in his power to keep Karen away from that scene

》 She eventually finds out and starts going to watch his races, cheering her brother on

》 His number one fan (I'm crying)

¤ Keeps his parents at an arms length. To the point they don't even know where Kenny and Karen moved to

¤ When Kevin comes home they visit him often. The siblings get together for holidays, birthdays, and breaks.

¤ They moved into the same apartment complexes as Stan and Kyle. They're upstairs neighbors

¤ Will jump down from his balcony to theirs when he comes over, instead of using the front door like a normal person

¤ It isn't until he starts street racing that he joins Stan's board game nights. Now that he's got the extra time

¤ Loves DnD night, but he's the kind of player that's absolutely silly. Has lost two characters already

》 Is the best role player at the table! Has made the table burst into tears over the death of his characters

》 Makes these dorky guys and then makes you fall in love with them.

》》 Definitely flirts with his friends, claims it's in character.

¤ He'll drive Karen anywhere she wants to go until she gets her license. He doesn't want to be her parent but he can't help but worry

¤ His phone is cracked to hell, but he doesn't really care. As long as he can see the screen well enough and make calls it's fine

¤ He collects bottle caps, he doesn't know when it started but he likes picking them up and turning them into pins.

¤ Started using mint/candy tins to keep his stuff in. They fit in his pockets easier

》 In the tin: pair of headphones, chapstick, lighter, a note from Karen, stickers, and a really cool rock he found

¤ Probably has another tin that has sewing supplies, he still has a habit of sewing things back together rather than getting rid of them

¤ His Heelyz are his favorite pair of shoes. He wears them every time he's about to race, says they bring him good luck

》 They were a Christmas gift from Stan, it's the only reason he owns them

¤ Usually has rags covered in oil or grease tucked in his pants, the chain on his pants has little charms. Things Karen has made him and keys.

¤ He had three piercings on the shell of his ear, but when Kevin left for the military he took it out and gave it to him.

》 Said he'll put it back in when his brother comes home.

¤ He's trying to stop smoking but it's a losing battle.

¤ He's still running around as Mysterion with his inability to die.

¤ The power changes as he gets older. He now wakes up wherever he deems home to be. It's not something he can choose, it's what his heart thinks home is

¤ So he wakes up on the couch of his little living room, Karen sleeping in her room.

¤ His body reverses back to when he first got his Soul Synergy

¤ Kenny doesn't get his Soul Synergy until he's in his late twenties.

¤ Doesn't really know why it took so long for it to show up but he's not complaining

¤ I don't think he freaks out when he first sees plants push through his skin

¤ It's alarming for sure, but he just kind of looks at it

¤ It isn't until he notices the scars on his body left from the plant don't go away that he takes it seriously

¤ He tries to keep some of the plants, but he doesn't exactly have the knowledge on how to take care of some of these plants

¤ He gets a little sad when they die

¤ When he finds his soulmate he's more attentive to his body

》 Not just where the flowers grow from, but he's better at taking care of himself

¤ He can't stop being Mysterion. He knows people still need him, and he needs this, but he's not as reckless with his body.

He's sitting in class, zoning out again. Whatever the professor was going on about was a distant thought. The tired behind his eyes weighed him down. He had his head leaned back against the wall, his hood pulled up to add a little extra comfort. Trying to stay awake, he's bouncing his leg. The motion doing very little to keep him awake.

But the sleepy blonde doesn't stay that way for long. The familiar feeling of plants pushing their way from under his skin up into the surface wakes him. He sits up almost in an instant when an orchid breaks the flesh, poking out of his mask. From the side of face, another one blooms and stretches out towards the sun.

No blood. But the side of his face stings, the feeling of a handprint buzzes where the petals touch.

Kenny stands up abruptly, cutting the professor off with little to no care. His hands nearly miss grabbing his bag from the way he beelines it to the door. As fast as his legs carry him, he runs out of the room leaving behind petals, leaves, and the protests of his professor.

(Here's the blank ♡ )

[watercolor-hearts]

i just saw your logan/george/alex universe and i'm obsessed with it actually

[First mention of the Logan/George/Alex universe.]

Hi dear ❤

Yesterday, in connection with this, I told you I can be too much sometimes. Well, now here’s the proof. Let me introduce you to my Logan/George/Alex universe in 10K words. (My longest “story” ever. 😂)

I love talking about my stories/universes but it feels weird to just simply write posts about it when nobody’s asked, so I usually just wait for games and asks to talk about them. This post is really long because it contains a lot of quotes from our conversation with my friend, @starlightiing Jess, with whom I created this universe. In the beginning I tried to simply just talk about it but after a while it turned into me putting our chat/role play messages into it because I felt like that’s the best way of showing how this universe works and what people’s personalities are like in it.

Important information: This universe is heavy on non-sexual cardiophilia because I’m a cardiophile and since I’ve got a cardiophile friend I became more open about putting heart things into my stories/universes, especially into ones we just talk about for fun with my friend. (We put heart things into everything because that’s what makes us happy.) So yeah, this is basically about hearts and the comfort they give. And there also are a few mentions of panic attacks and a detailed description of one towards the end. If any of these topics makes you uncomfortable, please don’t read this post. If you decide to read it, I hope you’ll enjoy it! ❤

And now let’s dive into this Logan/George/Alex universe:

Okay, so, I went back to reread the whole conversation where we built this universe with my friend and I realized that the thing that actually started it is the ask I received in connection with Logan’s heart and to which I made this drawing. I completely forgot that it was that ask that started it. 😀

I’m gonna quote some things I wrote to my friend to show how it started. So, after receiving that ask, I started thinking about it, about Logan’s heart and Logan himself, and wrote this: “Logan for me is like some kind of sad boy who’s alone with no close friends, trying to survive and show his potential that might be there, might not; someone that has the sad story where things didn’t turn out the way they should’ve and he’s left alone.”

This universe starts with George asking Alex how Logan is, because he had crashed out in the race and things aren’t going too well overall and he’s a bit worried about him and about how he handles these things. Alex tells him that Logan seemed upset, to which George replies with wanting to go and check on him and maybe try and make him feel a bit better. So they go to Logan’s room and they see that he tries to look okay but George knows that he isn’t. 

George offers a hug which Logan accepts but then things change quickly and Logan’s breathing becomes irregular and it worries George, especially when he sees Logan pressing his hand to his chest. But then he remembers Alex mentioning that Logan does this sometimes, especially before races, and Alex thinks it’s some kind of soothing mechanism for him. So George tries not to worry too much and helps Logan through this panic attack, his big hand resting on Logan’s back, telling him how to breathe to make it go away easier and when things calm down a bit, he asks Logan about this ‘hand on his chest’ thing. Logan tells him that it’s for comfort, to tell/show his heart that everything’s alright and he’s there and it’s fine, they’re in this together and they’ll get through it. George tells him that he has a similar soothing mechanism, putting his hand on his stomach, so he knows how much it can help and supports Logan in using it and asks him if it’s a thing where only his own hand helps or anyone else’s could, if needed. Logan tells him that so far he has only tried his own so he doesn’t know but if George wants to try, they can. George wants to, so Logan lets him put his hand on his chest. George’s so gentle and soft that it makes Logan immediately connect with him because he hasn’t felt anyone touch him like this in a long time and the closeness and gentleness does things to his brain. George smiles and tells Logan that he can feel his heartbeat but it’s starting to slow down and that’s a good sign, he’s done a good job with following George’s instructions. He keeps his hand there until Logan’s breathing goes back to normal. 

After this, they start talking about the race, the crash and Logan’s feelings. Alex gets them tea and George pulls Logan into a hug when he sees Logan needs it because he looks like he’s close to crying. Logan doesn’t know why he’s suffering so much and why can’t things work and he doesn’t know what to do and it’s just too much. He can’t hold it back anymore, he starts crying. George holds him close and lets him cry because he knows how much a good cry can help. And after a while, he notices that George’s slow heartbeat helps him calm down and he starts to drift off. 

Another quote from the messages I sent to my friend: “In the beginning he can’t even believe that George is there to hug him. Because okay, yeah, Alex is nice, they’re teammates, he’s there for him, but George. He doesn't have to. And he's still there. And holds him. For hours. When he could hold Alex instead or they could have a sexy time or anything else. But they’re there with him, talking about race mistakes they all have made (or suffer because of others) and then when George sees the tears in Logan's eyes, he can’t just sit there anymore, he has to hug him. And it comes as a surprise for Logan because he usually only gets pats on the back/shoulder. But a hug is different. A George hug. And in the beginning he doesn’t even know how amazing a George hug is. But when he realizes it's not just a quick hug and George positions himself to rest his back against the headboard, he starts crying because people don't do this to him anymore. They don't cuddle him. When he was a kid, they did, maybe. But he’s not a kid anymore. And he doesn't even realize how much he needs it, someone to hold him, feel their calm breathing, hear their heartbeat... He thinks he’s dreaming. But he isn’t. Not until the tears dry while Alex strokes his back or hair and he falls asleep.”

It’s usually George who provides the physical connection and the comfort and Alex is the one who talks and gives advice, but sometimes they do what the other does, too. I think it fits them to be there for someone who’s been alone and needs some love and support.

Next morning they have breakfast together and George makes Logan promise to call/text him if he needs him. Logan promises.

And then George actually gets a text a few weeks later. And Logan can’t believe George actually came when he shows up at his hotel room. He thought George only offered Logan to text/call him because he wanted to be nice to him. But he’s actually there and it means so much to Logan because he’s having another panic attack and he needs help. And this is the first time he was brave enough to text George. And George is there for him, pulls him into a hug and tells Logan never hesitate to text him if he needs him. Logan promises he won’t and nuzzles into George’s chest, feeling and listening to his heartbeat. It slowly becomes a comfort thing for him.

And after a while George and Alex basically adopt Logan and they’re always there for him when he needs them, whether he needs someone to talk to or just needs a hug or something. They’re there for him, and Alex and George have such a healthy relationship that it’s never a problem for Alex to see George being close to Logan, letting him snuggle into his chest, things like that. He’s not jealous because he knows how nice feeling it is to be pressed against George’s chest, feeling his breathing, hearing his heartbeat… It’s one of the best things in the world. And George would never say no to hug someone or let them listen to his heart if that’s what they need. He likes to help people.

When George notices how much his heartbeat and breathing helps Logan to calm down, he tells about it to Alex and Alex has the amazing idea of trying to record it (first with the shot glass technique) for Logan so he can listen to it even when George can’t be there for him. Especially after he leaves F1.

Another quote from a message I wrote to my friend: “Imagine George getting a ‘thank you for the recording. I listened to it again and it helped. It always helps.’ text every time Logan listens to the recording. It makes George smile. He’s glad he can help this way too. He never thought recording his heartbeat and breathing could help as much as it helps Logan. It’s a pleasant surprise for him. 

Now there’s a scene in my mind with Logan lying in the bed, earbuds in his ears, recording playing. He puts one of his hands on his chest and the other on his stomach, and he tries to match George’s breathing and heartbeat with the breathing technique George taught him. It’s not panic this time, it’s just the night of a difficult day and he needs a bit of comfort and calmness because his mind and heart is still racing and his body is tense. But concentrating on George’s heartbeat and breathing slowly helps him to calm down and it also eases the tension in his body. His heart slows down beneath his palm and he can sleep peacefully. ❤”

And another one: “He’d show the message to Alex and he’d tell him how happy and honored he is because he didn’t think a simple thing like this could help so much. “It’s just my heart and breathing. I didn’t think it's this big of a thing. It’s so simple. It comes with me, I don’t really think about it most of the time. But seeing what it means to him...” And Alex would say something like “It might be a simple thing to you but it means the world to someone else and it’s beautiful. It might be “just your heart” but that’s the point of it. It’s your heart. It’s your heartbeat, your breathing pattern, and in person your skin, your hug and your body heat. And your voice, if you talk, too. This is the beauty of it. That it’s all you. I’m glad you let him experience it. It means the world to him. I know, because it means the world to me, too.” And tears appear in George’s eyes.”

And after this Alex and George start making new recordings from time to time so Logan always has something new to listen to. “And when Logan sees it he's like ‘oh my God, But... But he didn't have to... And he still did it. Again. And he said he'd do one next month too.’ And he tries not to get emotional about it but it’s hard not to be because he really appreciates how much George (and Alex) cares about him.”

And after a while George wants to send more clear recordings (because the shot glass technique usually results in not so clear recordings) so they upgrade the setup from the shot glass to a stethoscope. “Imagine him sending a pic of it to Logan with a text that says ‘next recording in progress’. Logan would be like ‘holy shit man.’ And he’d start thinking really hard about what to do next time when they meet, to thank him/them for this. Because at that point a ‘thank you so much’ is not enough.”

“George, in a text message: ‘Let me know if there’s something that needs to be changed. We tried to make it as clear as possible but it’s not perfect. Also, if you have a spot preference for next time, let me know and we’ll focus on that. Here’s a pic of the spots and time stamps for the recording to know which you’re listening to when. I don’t know much about it, Alex helped with it.’ And Logan’s like ‘oh my god’ tries not to cry, heart beating like crazy ‘it’s perfect, it’s always perfect no matter what oh my god thank you so much again and always’, And he’s there, sitting on the edge of the bed, his heart beating out of his chest, listening to the newest recording and God, it’s so clear he can hear the valves open and close, the blood whooshing through them. It’s another level. He still doesn’t understand why George does this for him when he doesn’t have to. But he’ll forever be grateful for it.”

Also, something that’s important to mention is that George doesn’t really know that much about hearts, only those things he has to know for training, it’s actually Alex who knows a bit more than a normal person. In the beginning he does some research to make the recordings a bit more enjoyable for Logan, Googles how to use a stethoscope properly, what are the auscultation points, things like that, but then after a while he realizes that he might be into hearts. Okay, not all hearts but George’s heart. It’s not that big of a thing for him but it was nice to realize it. He mostly uses his knowledge to help Logan, but I’ll talk about it later.

“Logan lies down on the bed, closes his eyes and lets himself enjoy it. He doesn’t care his heart is racing, he knows he’s okay and it’s just some big emotions and it’ll calm down soon. He can’t wipe the smile off his face. And a few seconds later, he starts crying because it’s all too much and George’s so nice and Alex helping him with the recording and everything... He feels like he doesn’t deserve them. Even though George always says Logan deserves to be happy and if they can make him at least a bit happy with these recordings, then they’ll continue making them. 

After listening to this recording, Logan looks at the pic of the auscultation points George sent, and then goes and searches for more information about hearts, about the blood flow, the valves, and after seeing some gifs and videos, he can visualize George’s heart and how it beats, how the blood flows. He’s absolutely mesmerized by it. It’s even more incredible than he initially thought. George’s heart is so healthy, so strong and so beautiful... 

George doesn’t realize it, for him it’s just his heart, nothing special. He doesn’t really listen to the recordings because Alex does the editing but he loves seeing Alex’s face while he’s listening to it. He loves that there are people who love his heartbeat. He finds it really sweet.”

And after this I started thinking about Logan’s relationship with his own heart. (I know in the beginning there’s a mention about Logan having a special relationship with his heart but that part with the hand on the chest thing wasn’t in this originally, that was born after I finished working on the drawing. Originally this is the point where Logan starts to develop an interest towards his own heart.)

“And I think listening to George’s heart and using it as something that helps him calm down could make Logan have a closer relationship with his own heart, too. Because he could realize that after listening to George’s heartbeat for quite a long time, his heart can almost sync-up with it and it could help him appreciate it more. Because he has a strong heart that calms down easily with a little bit of help and it's healthy, there aren't any problems with it and it loves when Logan listens to George’s heartbeat because now it’s so familiar it’s easy for his to pick up the same rhythm and Logan loves when beneath his palm he feels almost the same as what he hears through the earbuds.”

“Also, a thing I think George would also do for him: another recording of himself but this time it’s not his heart but his voice, helping Logan through a panic attack. Talking slowly, using different breathing techniques in case one doesn’t work, counting techniques, ‘names this and that’ techniques, everything. Some encouraging words, “you're going to be okay, it’s just panic” “you’re not alone”, “you can do this”, “pay attention to your breathing, help your heart calm down with it”, “you’re doing a great job” and things like that, with breaks between the sentences so it feels more natural. I think George would really put himself into this and he’d make an amazing and really useful audio. 

And let's not forget about Alex, because this would be his idea and he’d be the one George would talk to during recording to make sure his tempo feels natural and he isn’t too fast with the things he says. And he’d enjoy this so much that he’d then make normal relaxation recordings too, and basically anything Alex or Logan wants. They both love his voice because it's soothing. And he loves making them happy. ❤”

All these heartbeat and breathing technique recordings happen after Logan leaves F1, and when we were discussing this, I thought the boys would also send nice voice/video messages to Logan, so here’s an example of that: 

“‘Big day today!’ George smiles to the camera, ‘First race in (whatever series) for Logan, right, Alex?’ Alex joins the video, also smiling. ‘Yes, big day for Logie bear! We wanted to send you a quick message before your day starts to wish you good luck and a really, really nice day.’ George nods and continues: ‘We’ll be following your race and there’ll be a surprise waiting for you after the race ends. We hope you’ll like it. You’ll see what it is so we won’t say more about it now. Keep your head high and push to the max.’ 

‘We believe in you.’ 

‘And we love you. Have a nice day and again, good luck for the race. We hope to see you smile a lot today, can you do that for us?’ 

‘Enjoy it, that’s the most important. Goodbye until next time!’ Alex waves and George joins too, and ends the video after saying goodbye.

I'm sure a video like this would make Logan's day. Oh, and what's the surprise, you might ask. Well, it's George and Alex being there at the track but only revealing it after the race not to put too much pressure on Logan. ❤ And when Logan sees them and runs into their arms, hugging both of them at once... Oh God…”

And at this point my friend mentioned that all of the stuff with George’s heart gotta eventually make Logan curious to listen with a stethoscope in person, so… Let’s see some quotes from those messages:

“After the race they’d call him to their hotel room (after he finished the debrief and everything he has to do) to spend the night with them because they know how much he misses cuddling with George and talking with both of them in person, and they think he really deserves it after not being able to do it for a long time. 

And when he gets there, everything’s the same at first, George hugging him, Alex making him tea like he usually does, then they sit down, talk a bit about the race, what was good, what could’ve been better, first impressions, things like that. And when they finished talking about this, then comes the main attraction, the stethoscope.”

“Alex just sets it down gently between them like it’s nothing at all. Like it’s normal and commonplace to just have a stethoscope there. George just looks up at Alex and smiles sweet and then looks back over at Logan. ‘Your show, if you want to use it.’”

“And Logan is like what, and he needs a moment to actually realize what’s going on because holy shit he wasn’t expecting this. He’d be happy with a cuddle and some ear stething, but this... This is insane and he can’t believe it. 

‘Touch it,’ George says, seeing the hesitation on Logan’s face, ‘Try it, if you want to. On yourself, me or even Alex, if you want to. We thought you’d appreciate it if we brought it with us for you to get to know it. I’s different than listening with your ear but it’s worth a try.’ 

All Logan can say is ‘woow.’ He lifts up the stethoscope, touches the dark blue tube, the mirror finish chest piece, and the earpieces. It’s lighter than how he imagined it, it surprises him that the only heavy part is the chest piece. It’s really new to him to hold something like this. He doesn’t even know what to say or do. ‘Would you like to try it?’ George asks. Logan nods. ‘On who?’

Logan looks up at George for a moment, then back at the stethoscope in his hands. ‘Can I try it on you?’ 

‘Of course,’ George nods, smiling, ‘You can try and discover the different spots by yourself but Alex can help if you want to, he’s pretty good at finding them.’ 

‘First you should try it by yourself,’ Alex says, ‘It's magical, I want you to experience it by yourself, listening to the different valves, discovering the differences between how they sound, it’s a special experience. You don’t have to be afraid of it, if it doesn’t work, we’ll help. But I’m sure you can do it, it’s not difficult.’ 

Logan nods and tries to put in the earpieces but Alex stops him. ‘You are supposed to use it the other way around. Sounds better that way.’ 

‘Ah!’ Logan smiles, trying to hide his embarrassment and turns it around, ‘Thank you.’

‘I'm ready if you are,’ George says after taking off his t-shirt and leaning to the headboard, waiting for Logan to start when he’s ready.”

My friend’s reply to this: “George is so cute, he’s so ready. Alex is proud too, the idea of someone listening to George’s heart and him getting to watch them do it is a bit exciting too. Logan might be a little nervous but George is as calm as they come. They’re all used to having their hearts studied and listened to. Alex will start him just in the center of George’s chest, not a real auscultation point, just a place to start, and let him experiment from there.”

So I made him experiment from there: “He is, he couldn’t wait for this since they talked about surprising Logan. ❤ 

Alex is so proud, he loves seeing how close George and Logan are to each other, it really warms his heart, and he’s proud of them, of George for being the amazing person he is, doing everything for Logan he can, and of Logan too, for being open about what he likes and how it helps him. They have a beautiful platonic relationship and Alex is glad he can witness moments of it and he can sometimes be a part of it, helping both of them to make their experiences even more amazing. 

And he loves seeing how much healthier Logan looks since he left Formula 1 and moved back to America to be close to his friends and family. He smiles a lot and he’s more energetic since then, and he doesn’t have as many panic attacks and bad days as he used to have. So he’s definitely made good progress. 

George is calm, he’s smiling softly, his breathing is calm and even, waiting for Logan to start when he feels ready. And then he feels the stethoscope in the center of his chest and he closes his eyes for a moment so Logan won’t feel like he’s being watched. 

Logan’s first reaction is a simple ‘woow’ as the chest piece touches George’s skin. The heartbeat he hears is so loud and powerful. It’s incredible. 

‘Can you hear it?’ Alex asks to make sure everything works well. ‘It... It’s so loud. Woow.’

‘Yeah, it’s a bit different than listening to it with your ear. If you listen closely, you can hear the valves open and close, the blood whooshing through them. If you move the chest piece around his left pecs, you’ll find the auscultation points, those are what doctors use when they listen to the heart. They all sound a bit different, feel free to try them.’ 

I love that George is just there, totally relaxed, eyes closed, waiting to be listened to, and Alex is like a good teacher, explaining things to Logan, gently guiding him. Their relationship is also a really special one. Different from George and Logan’s but just as special and that’s why the three of them work so well together. ❤”

And then my friend went into the auscultation part a bit: “Logan being so curious as he moves them around. ‘I know you’ve named them for me before but I don’t remember them. Can you tell me what I’m listening to?’ And just VERY curious about every single ‘different’ sound there is. 

Like why is the mitral valve so tiny? But the aortic valve is so deep and thumpy? Why can he hear blood flow better in some valves than others? A very curious little guy. 

Alex being there to answer all questions and correct positioning with the stethoscope. Instructing George to sometimes lie on his side, raise his arm up, ect ect all sorts of things doctors do to check for murmurs and certain conditions. Just so Logan can hear.”

“And after Alex has explained everything, Logan just sits there in front of George, listening to all the points over again and tries to name them by himself, with Alex nodding proudly every time. 

‘George’s gonna fall asleep soon,’ Alex slaps on George’s thigh to wake him up, receiving an elbow into his upper arm, making all three of them laugh. 

‘I was just enjoying the thorough examination, Alex,’ he pretends to be angry but he can’t, ‘But now you took me out of the zone.’ 

‘It’s okay,’ Logan says, taking the earpieces out and putting the stethoscope down. ‘Thank you so much for letting me try it on you, it’s an amazing instrument and your heart sound beautiful.’”

So this was Logan’s first stething experience, and after this I started thinking about whether he’d want to listen to his own heart. “I’m not sure, but I imagined this night as they’d tell Logan to stay with them for the night, he can cuddle with George, sleep between them, like good, old times. 

And maybe at night he couldn’t fall asleep. Alex next to him would already be asleep, Logan guesses George too, but George isn’t. He’d notice that Logan is still up and ask him what’s going on, why he can’t sleep. And Logan would tell him, he doesn’t know, he just can’t. This whole day was amazing and he can’t just let it go. He feels a bit strange, his heart is a bit too fast and he feels those strong beats that can't let him fall asleep. 

And then I think George would offer him to use the stethoscope on himself and if he likes it, he can buy one, too, and use it when he needs it, when George’s heartbeat doesn’t help or he simply just needs something else, a different grounding method. And then Logan would lie on his back, earpieces in his ears, chest piece on his chest, listening to his own heart while George pets his head to comfort him. And with George being there, taking care of him, his heart would slowly calm down.”

After this my friend mentioned how important it is for Logan to familiarize himself with his own little heart and understand its importance and then his heart can help him calm himself down. “There is something so inherently calming about feeling your own heartbeat come down from a rush. Like, it’s one of the most calming things.”

And then she asked if Logan would offer his heart to George at some point as a ‘thank you’, so I started thinking about it and this was my answer: “I think after his heart has calmed down, he asks George if he wants to have a listen. He knows George doesn’t really do that, it’s Alex who sometimes listens to him, but Logan still wants to ask because it feels right, after all the things George has done for him. A bit of listening might not mean much to George, he thinks, but he gets proved wrong when he sees George’s excited face. George never really thought about this, for him the most important was always Alex and Logan and making them happy with letting them listen, him listening was a bit rare. Ear stething not much, but with a stethoscope it was. He prefers cuddles and ear on chest, but when Logan offers, he can’t say no. For some reason it feels like a really big thing for him, Logan getting so comfortable with him that he lets George listen to his heart. Alex is his boyfriend, that's normal that he lets him, but Logan... That’s a totally different thing. Especially that in the beginning Logan didn’t really care about his own heart but then George's helped him discover it.” (Yeah, again a bit of a contradiction to the beginning, sorry. As I mentioned after another quote above, Logan originally didn’t really care about his own heart in the beginning.)

“Logan is probably a little surprised that george accepts, but George is a naturally curious person. Logan knows his heart inside and out, maybe he can give Logan a listen and see if he can get to know it just as well. He already knows Alex’s better than anyone EVER could, doctors be damned. Alex himself be damned.

So he closes his eyes and he listens hard. Very intent listening, very attentive, moving the steth around a few times, taking a listen to all the valves, listening for murmurs or anything of the like, nope, completely and totally perfect. Strong, steady, valves sound very strong and the turbulent blood is just barely audible as it should be.

He would smile at Logan. ‘Wow, quite healthy, that. Not that I'm at all surprised - but it’s nice to confirm for myself. Your heart sounds absolutely lovely.’”

“And Logan just shyly murmurs a ‘thank you’ because he doesn’t really know what to say because besides doctors, nobody ever listened to his heart before. So it’s a really new situation. But then he adds ‘I always do my cardio. I’d never dare to say no to Elias,’ he says jokingly, ‘But it was originally Benny who taught me the importance of it. And he made me start liking working out. I miss him sometimes, especially the workouts we did together. He always motivated me. Elias is nice, too, we get on well, but he’s different.’ 

George puts the stethoscope on the nightstand and settles down next to Logan. ‘It’s hard when you have to change trainers after working together for years. But I’m sure if Benny has time, he’d be happy to meet you for a workout and a nice conversation about both of your lives, days since you stopped working together. Sometimes it’s nice to meet when you don’t see someone for a while, you know, to catch up.’ 

‘I’ll text him and ask, thank you. It already helps a lot that we could meet, I’m sure meeting with him, too, would be the cherry on top.’ 

‘I’m sure he’ll make it happen. But now come here and sleep,’ he offers Logan his chest to snuggle, ‘It’s getting late.’ Logan snuggles into his chest. 

‘Sorry I kept you up.’ 

‘It's okay, I'm glad we could talk and listen to your heart. I hope now you’ll fall asleep easier.’

‘I'm sure I will,’ Logan says, eyes already closed. ‘Sleep well, George.’ 

‘You too, Logan.’ And George puts his hand on Logan’s back to pet him until they both fall asleep.”

In the next morning, Alex offers Logan to listen to his heart to give him the full experience.

“While sitting on the bed, waiting for Logan to fully wake up, Alex would be like: “How’s your heart?”

And then Logan, surprised but really awake after hearing this unexpected question, ‘My heart? Uh, it's fine, I guess. I mean…’ 

‘Don't worry,’ Alex touches his upper arm, ‘I’m just asking because we talked about George’s a lot but not much about yours, and while George told me he listened to it at night, he couldn’t give you the full experience because he doesn’t know that much about it. So we thought I could give you a check up, talk you through it as I listen to your valves, things like that. Anything you want, but only if you want to. No pressure.’”

“Logan is probably a bit self conscious at first. Having all of the attention on his own heart is a bit embarrassing and overwhelming, but he would eventually agree to it.

‘Yeah - I - okay, that’s fine.” he’s just a bit nervous about it, still not used to being the one in the spotlight.”

And this is the point where talking about boundaries came in the picture because how Alex started this was probably not the most ideal.

“And I think this would be a good opportunity to talk about boundaries and things like that. Alex telling him that he can say no if he wants to (even when they’re already doing it), Alex and George take ‘no’ really seriously and won’t push anything if it’s too much for Logan. They don’t want to force him into anything, and it’s totally understandable if it’s a lot now because they’ve done a few different things yesterday that were new to him and it’s okay if he needs time and doesn’t want another experience today. Alex is really, really patient with him when he explains it because he knows for him it’s not really new anymore, giving check ups to George, making recordings, things like that, but for Logan it’s really, really new and he has to be patient, go slowly with everything he wants to show him. Logan agrees to do it but Alex tells him they’ll do it after breakfast, so it won’t be a pretty shocking thing right after waking up and Logan has time to think about it and ask questions if he has any.

After the breakfast Logan tells Alex that he still wants him to do the check up and shyly asks him if he could like, somehow show or explain to him how to listen to his own heart, where to put the chest piece on himself, what he’s hearing on those points and things like that. He isn’t sure if Alex understands what he means but it’s not easy for him to explain it because it’s all new and a bit scary to open up about it because it’s his heart and it’s really different to just listening to George’s heart. Now he wants to understand hearts. And he knows Alex is the best person to help with it. 

George almost melts as he witnesses Logan telling this to Alex while Alex holds his hands and listens to him attentively. George understands what Logan means, and he knows Alex understands it, too. 

When Logan finishes explaining, Alex nods and tells him how they’ll do it. First Alex listens to a point, explains what he hears, then gives the stethoscope to Logan and lets him listen and ask, if he has any questions. And this is how they check every auscultation point, slowly, not rushing anything. George’s heart fills with so much love as he watches them from afar not to bother the moment. He knows Alex is gentle but seeing him being gentle with other people, paying attention to their signs, how they want to do things, everything, makes him so happy and he feels so lucky to have a partner like him.”

Logan gets to learn so many things about his heart and with Ale’s help he even finds his favorite auscultation point on himself. And by the end, he gains enough confidence to straight up ask if he could hear Alex’s heart, too. 

“Alex jokes with him about secretly waiting for this moment because he was jealous of George getting all the listening and attention. And then George from the other side of the room: ‘He’s lying, he doesn’t even like attention. He loves giving it, hates receiving it. Don’t feel bad, Logan.’ 

‘I've been exposed,’ Alex laughs as he takes off his t-shirt. ‘But he’s right, I prefer giving it and not receiving, but I’d love it if you listened to mine, too, and told me what you think. Would that be okay for you?’ 

‘Of course,’ Logan nods, ‘I'll try and use everything you’ve taught me.’

‘Don’t feel pressured to do it. Just enjoy, it’s not a med school exam or anything like that. I won’t ask questions about it, only maybe about your feelings and thoughts. If you want to talk about it.’ 

‘Okay,’ Logan smiles and puts the earpieces in, and then the chest piece on Alex's chest to discover his heart too.’”

And here we talked about Alex’s heartbeat a bit with my friend saying: “Alex probably has one of the BEST hearts to listen to if I’m honest. I bet it’s SO soft and so gentle and so slow.

So easy to fall asleep to, or be calmed by. It fits his personality so much.

Alex gets comfortable, too, he’s used to George listening here and there so it’s easy for him to just forget the stethoscope is even there. Takes steady, even breaths, and just lets Logan listen.”

And I said this: “Yeah, and it’s so overlooked most of the time because out of the two of them, George is the more physical, he lets people close quicker, comforts people with hugs and cuddles while Alex does it with words and maybe pets. He needs more time to let people close, to feel safe to do it. But now that he lets Logan close enough, Logan does his best to give some attention to his heart and use all the things he learnt from Alex. He wants to make Alex proud. 

He’s really surprised how different Alex’s heart is compared to George’s. It’s still a heart, a really healthy one, just like George’s, but it’s still different. Good different. 

He lets Logan take his time with listening to each point, going back to some of them he really likes or wants to compare. Logan doesn’t talk but Alex doesn’t mind it because George doesn’t usually talk during it either. So it’s not surprising, he likes when people get lost in their thoughts while listening to his heartbeat because it shows that they enjoy doing it. And that’s what’s the most important for him.

Seeing the soft smile on Alex’s face means everything to him. And when Logan starts telling him things about what he hears and they start talking about Alex’s heart, George feels so happy because Logan’s learnt so much and he sees how proud Alex is of him. These last two days are really two of the best days of their lives. Everything’s just so perfect. 

Logan loves Alex’s heartbeat. It’s so soothing. It’s so Alex. He can’t really explain it, he just feels it. Hears it. And knows it. 

After Logan’s finished listening, he asks Alex if he can put his hand on his chest. He’s a bit scared that it’s too much but Alex nods in a heartbeat without hesitation. But he’s verbal about it, too, to make sure. “Of course you can, Logan.” Logan thanks him and gently lays his hand on the center of Alex’s chest and closes his eyes to see if he can feel it. A few seconds later he feels Alex move his hand a bit. ‘Don’t worry, I’m just putting it to the spot where you can actually feel it, because I don’t think the center is the most perfect place for that,’ he explains and when he finds the spot, he presses Logans hand there, with the boy's fingers being exactly on the spot, feeling the powerful muscle rhythmically contracting under the skin. 

George’s having a hard time not to get too emotional about this whole chest touching thing, especially when Alex moves Logan’s hand to the spot. The spot he uses to help George calm down when he needs it. The spot only George knew about until now. This is the moment when George knows Alex’s reached the point where he feels safe enough to let Logan be as close to him physically as he can. And it’s a really big thing for all of them.” (The spot is the apex/point of maximal impulse at the fifth intercostal space.)

To this, my friend replied with this: “I like how it’s kind of - Alex is this soft sweet thing so eager to help and support others but he’s actually quite reserved letting others in for himself

and somehow Logan has broken through that and that’s why George gets so riled up about it. He is theirs, for sure. Unbreakable bond between those three.”

“He’s like, ‘well, if you want it, you’ll get it, there’s no reason not to show it, really’, because seeing that Logan really cares about his heart made him realize that he’s just as much part of this as George is. He was never jealous of what George and Logan have, but he knew that they’re closer/it’s a bit more special to them. But Logan showed him that their relationship is just as special. It’s different but that’s why it’s also special. George is his comfort person, he gets the best hugs and cuddles from him, but Alex... Alex is an amazing teacher and the way he talks about hearts (and basically everything else) is amazes Logan and he loves talking with Alex, loves learning from him and loves the support and guidance he gets from him. He really appreciates that George and Alex are this different because they fit together perfectly and the different ways they comfort Logan always makes him feel safe and loved because they always have a solution, no matter what the situation is. If he needs hugs, he gets hugs, if he needs someone to talk to, then he has someone to talk to. It’s so perfect and he’s really glad he has them in his life. 

Alex’s really sweet and loves to help and support but needs time to actually let people close because he needs to make sure he won’t regret it and the relationship is close (and strong) enough to do it. But once he does it, being a friend of his becomes a whole new experience. It’s nice without the physical stuff too, but with that it’s just simply amazing. He doesn’t do this with any other people besides George but Logan deserves it because he’s part of their little family of some sort. Because by now it’s more than just a friendship. It’s an unbreakable bond, just like you said.”

So yes, this is the point where their relationship becomes something special, something more than just a friendship. Their friendship has grown into something beautiful.

“A sweet thing, kind of an ending for their day, is that when it’s time to say goodbye at the airport and George hugs Logan, it’s a bit more emotional than they planned and they’re both crying, and George tells him that he doesn’t have to wait as much until their next meeting as he had to for this one. They’ll come back soon and spend more time with him and when he has time he can also go to their apartment and spend time with them there, he’s always welcome, he just has to call/text to let them know he wants to visit them. And by the end of saying goodbye, George’s voice is so thin that to the outsiders it looks like a really, really sad and painful moment, when in reality it’s not, it’s just... They just made their bond even stronger and now it’s difficult to say goodbye. But it’s not for forever, only for a few weeks, a month at most, if everything goes well. 

Seeing how broken they are, Alex decides to hug the two of them. One big, big, big hug to comfort them. He didn’t plan to be emotional but he is now. These two days have taught him so much and he’s so grateful to have these two amazing people in his life. In the beginning, he didn't think they'd have this strong relationship with Logan, and now they’re there, crying at the airport, not wanting to let go of each other. But they have to, slowly. When they finally let go of each other, they’re smiling as they’re waving, because they know that the distance doesn’t matter, this relationship can and will survive everything. And it’s not like they can’t meet pretty frequently or at least have phone/video calls and change texts until they get to see each other in person again. They try to find the positives as they part ways for a while. 

Until the next meeting. Which will be when they surprise Logan on his birthday with a stethoscope customized especially for him. ❤”

My friend’s reaction to it: “They love each other so much omg. I bet Logan is over the moon when he opens up his gift and it’s a customized stethoscope sobs he’s like ‘they can’t possibly GET better and then there they go, getting better anyway!’

That is so sweet. I love the love, it’s so good and happy and pure.”

This was the point when I told my friend I almost started crying like them. This story has grown on me so easily. It’s so important to me, and what’s the best in it is that this is not the end, there’s more to come, because yeah, they surprised him with a customized stethoscope. 

“Logan’s over the moon, because he doesn’t expect it. He mentioned to them that he was thinking about buying one but he wasn’t sure about it because he still listens to George’s (and Alex’s) heartbeat recordings more than he wants to listen to his own heart but sometimes he really wants to and for those times it’d be nice to have one. 

But they told him they’d talk about it in person and help him choose if he really wanted one. But then when they meet, there’s a box. With a stethoscope in it. And he can’t believe it. He can’t believe that these two love him this much even if he doesn’t do anything extra, he just tries to be happy and enjoy life and racing. He couldn’t wish for better people to be his found family. ❤”

After this I told her that we both knew how they spend the night now that they have two stethoscopes. “Imagine them both stething Alex. The person that hates attention and who’s really not used to his two favorite people caring about his heart at the same time.”

“If Alex’s being honest, he enjoys it because he trusts both of them and he deserves a bit of heart appreciation too. And they take really good care of him, all beats tracked, heart sounds checked, everything’s perfect. What an amazing way to spend Logan’s birthday and New Year’s Eve. The three of them together, stething each other, taking breaks to eat cake and drink champagne. Totally a dream come true for all three of them. No party could be better than this.”

This is where we ended the story, but then a few days later we brought it up again because my friend said that they work so well together that she could even imagine them in a romantic polyamorous relationship. The fact that she said this made me so happy I instantly jumped on the polyam Logan/George/Alex train. 

“Their romantic relationship would start with an accidental “I love you” from Logan to George after an emotionally (and maybe physically, too) difficult moment while he’s in George’s arms, being comforted. And when he realizes it, he’d run away (maybe to the bathroom or something) because of being too scared of what George (and Alex, oh my god) would think/say. But Alex would be quick enough to catch him before he’d close the bathroom door.

‘Hey, Logan, wait,’ Alex catches the boy’s hand, not letting him run into the bathroom. ‘S-sorry, oh my god, I'm so s-sorry.’ Logan’s shaking, his voice is trembling and he’s crying. His breathing is irregular, he gasps for air but it just makes the situation worse because he doesn’t actually get air into his lungs. 

‘Hey, breathe,’ Alex instructs him as they sit down in front of the bathroom door, ‘It's okay, Logan. It’s okay,’ he tries to make eye contact with Logan but it’s not easy, ‘You did nothing wrong. Nothing. You have to calm down, okay? So then we can talk.’

And when George realizes what’s happening, he runs after them and when he sees Logan hugging himself, he wants to run and hug him and tell him it’s okay, everything’s going to be okay. But Alex stops him. ‘Don’t,’ he touches George’s leg, ‘I know you want to help but maybe it’s better to try it from here, mhm? Maybe touching him would only make it worse now.’

‘Yeah, okay,’ George nods and sits down and watches Alex trying to help Logan. It’s really difficult to just sit there and not do anything when Logan’s clearly panicking. But he trusts Alex. He has helped George a lot, he knows what he’s doing. And maybe his method is better in this situation.”

Logan feels like he’s going to die. It’s too much and he’s scared and can’t breathe and he can’t make himself smaller and just disappear. 

“‘Logan, can you hear me?’ Alex asks, ‘You have to sit up straight or lie down on the floor or something, anything that doesn’t restrict your lungs, okay? We’re going to try and breathe together.’”

“Logan seeing George behind Alex sort of makes his heart clench up too, oh god, George is going to be so furious --- But Alex gets his attention. It takes him time before he would be able to reply, but he does hear Alex. ‘Uh…’ he will lie down. Scrambling further away from Alex, as far away into the bathroom he can get. And then he will lay down. ‘Yeah, okay. Okay.’ But god, his heart is racing so fast he feels it in his throat, like he's swallowing it down.’”

“‘Good job,’ Alex said, trying to concentrate on Logan while holding George’s hand to keep him as calm as possible. ‘Okay, now I’m going to start counting to help you calm your breathing down, please try and follow me. I’m going to tell you what to do at each step.’ 

And when Alex starts counting for Logan, George starts doing the breathing technique, too. He needs it, he needs to stop the panic before it gets stronger. Luckily Alex’s calm voice helps, as always. He hopes it’ll help Logan, too, because it breaks George’s heart to see him like that, so far away, struggling with breathing. He wishes he could hold him and tell him he loves him, too.”

And now not only Logan’s suffering but George, too. Poor Alex, one’s here, one’s there, but fortunately George can deal with it pretty well so Alex can put the focus on Logan. It’s pretty scary for George because he’s seen Logan panic a few times, they’ve gone through difficult situations together but he’s never seen him like this before.

“Alex’s got this. He’s good at this. He’s got George’s hand so he can put his thumb on George’s wrist and feel his pulse, know where he is in the panic… If he's calming down, ect. And he does calm down! Enough so that Alex doesn’t feel like he needs to monitor George anymore. 

Logan tries his best to follow the counting that Alex does, but it takes a few tries before he gets it right. He’s just worried that he’s ruined everything. The one good thing he has had in years…”

“When George starts feeling better, he starts thinking about what to say to Logan when he’s okay, too. He wants to show him that he’s loved and he has no reason to be scared of them, no matter what he says. 

‘Water,’ George whispers to Alex after a while, meaning he’ll go and get a glass of water for Logan for when he’s better. Alex nods and turns back to Logan. ‘You’re doing a great job,’ Alex says, ‘Can you feel your heart slowing down as you start breathing more regularly? Your lungs and heart work together, if you start breathing faster, your heart will also start beating faster. To help slow it down, the best thing you can do is to take some deep breaths. It’s not easy in the beginning but if you keep going, you’ll see the result. I can already see it.’

Logan closes his eyes and tries to keep doing the breathing. It slowly keeps getting easier, he can feel his heart slowing down beneath his palm as his lungs expand more easily. He can’t really speak yet but Alex tells him he doesn’t have to, he just talks to let him know he’s there and to provide an even and calming voice he can hold on to. 

‘Here’s the water,’ George says when he’s back. 

‘Thank you,’ Alex says with a soft smile on his face, proud of his boyfriend for wanting to help a minute after fighting with his own panic. ‘He’s getting better but we have to give him time. No running there and hugging, only when he’s asking for it or shows signs that he wants it. Okay?’ 

‘Okay.’”

“Logan feeling his heart slow down helps him feel like he’s going to be okay. He doesn’t feel like he's dying. He can think more clearly. Alex is helping more than he probably even realizes. 

Logan being brave enough to finally look over at Alex and make eye contact.”

“George leaves them alone because he knows it’s better for Logan to be with Alex now, he helps him more than George’s presence. 

Alex looks straight into Logan's eyes but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t talk, he just holds the glass in his hand, ready to give it to Logan when he asks for it. He’s glad Logan’s better now. 

‘Is George angry?’ is the first thing Logan asks, still lying on the ground, wanting to sit up but not having enough energy. ‘I remember him being with you but now I can’t see him…’”

“‘No, no, he’s not angry.’ Alex is quick to do some damage control on that. ‘H’'s worried about you, but there wasn’t much he could do to help you, so he’s waiting until you feel better.’ Softly smiles at Logan, gestures down at the water. ‘I can leave this in the middle of the room for you if you want it?’”

“‘I’m sorry,’ he says, taking a deep breath not to start crying again. ‘Please,’ he says when Alex mentions the water, ‘I feel thirsty. And tired.’ 

‘You don't have to apologize. We’ll talk when you’re ready,’ Alex puts the glass in the middle of the room, ‘It's normal to feel tired, panic attacks drain the energy. If you want to, you can sleep in our bed, it’d help.’ 

‘Thank you,’ Logan sits up to get the water and drinks a few sips, ‘I don't want to sleep. Not until... Until we’ve talked.’

‘We can talk now if that’s what you want,’ Alex offers. Logan nods. ‘Can... Can George come here?’ Logan asks, shyly, ‘I'm... I'm a bit scared but I want to apologize. For... For what I said. For this whole thing. For this whole day. I’m a mess today and you two have been so nice to me, helping everywhere and here I am, messing up everything because I’m stupid and can’t keep my mouth shut…’”

Logan really needs some slow, really gentle touches after some talking (for him to know that they still love him, and they love him that way, too, and they’re still the same people, they’re still safe to be close to), plus a lot of patience, love, comfort and a nice chest to snuggle to and fall asleep on. Slowly we’ll get there.

“‘I’ll bring him over, of course.’ Alex snaps to get George’s attention, and then gestures for him to come over. George would slowly make his way over, and sit next to Alex. He immediately smiles at Logan, hoping it’ll calm him a bit. 

‘Hi Logan.’ he says, and he leaves it at that. He doesn’t want to startle the poor boy after all this. Alex takes a deep breath, and gives the floor to Logan. ‘Whenever you're ready, at your own pace, okay?’”

“‘Thank you,’ Logan murmurs and waits for George to arrive. When he does, he sits in the corner of the room, far enough from Logan not to scare him. 

Logan nods to Alex and then looks at his hands on his lap, trying to find out how to start. But then he starts without any plans because he doesn’t want to make them wait for too long. 

‘I—I’d like to apologize,’ he starts and George immediately wants to cut in but Alex stops him. ‘For... For this whole day. For crying earlier, for the panic attack now, and for... For saying I love you. I—I don’t… want to apologize for… for loving you, I can’t control that. But I want to apologize for saying it. I should’ve kept it to myself. You two are in a happy monogamous relationship and I should’ve respected it. But I did not, and I’m really sorry about it and I hope that I didn’t mess up our relationship with it forever. I really hope so. Because... Because I love what we have and I don’t want you to feel like I want more and it’s not enough. It is, you make me happy, having you in my life is already more than what I imagined. I…’ he sighs and looks at George and then at Alex, ‘I don’t even know what I want to say. But I guess I just want to apologize and I hope... I hope I won’t lose you. But I understand if I’ve crossed a boundary with this. I think... I think this is all I wanted to say. Oh and thank you for the help. You’ve helped me so many times. I can’t be grateful enough. Thank you.’ 

George looks at Alex and then waits for a few seconds to see if Logan wants to add something else. When he stays silent and Alex nods, George opens his mouth and says, ‘I love you, Logan.’

It makes Logan smile. ‘You're so nice. But... For me it’s... A bit of a different kind of love. You don’t love me that way and it’s okay.’ 

‘We do, Logan,’ Alex says, ‘We love you. That way. We’ve been wanting to talk about it for some time now but we wanted to wait for the right time. We didn’t want it to have to talk about it like this, but now that we’re here, there’s no reason to keep it secret. We love you. We’re in love with you, Logan. Both of us.’”

“Logan just sort of chuckling in disbelief. ‘Right, of course you are.’ and laying back against the wall of the bathroom, hitting his head back against the wall. ‘Jesus christ, I can wake up at any moment now.’ 

And George is incessant. ‘Logan, we mean it. I know it’s probably quite a shock but it’s true. I know the timing is a bit muddled up, but…’ 

And then Logan sort of looks back over at them, studying them. Still a bit in disbelief but he swallows harshly.

‘It's not a sick joke?’ 

Alex frowning, ‘we would never do that to you, I promise.’ And then he just sort of goes boneless. Big relieved sigh. 

‘You love me? Both of you?’ 

‘Both of us,’ George confirms. And then Logan sort of laughs this breathy soft little laugh and crawls back over to them.”

“He crawls back over to them and pulls them close to himself for a group hug, trying not to cry, this time from relief. They’re in love with him. 

‘I could’ve spared this panic attack, I guess,’ he jokes as George pulls him to his chest and he closes his eyes for a moment as Alex rests his hand on Logan’s back. “Sorry about it.’”

“‘Don’t be sorry, how were you supposed to know?’ George is so soft and earnest, giving Logan the biggest hug ever. ‘I'm just sorry you had to suffer through it. I hate seeing you so scared.’ 

And it's true, seeing Logan well and truly frightened like that, it’s… It’s just awful.”

“‘Yeah,’ he sighs, ‘You’re right.’ 

‘We should go back to the bedroom, the bed is more comfortable than the ground in the bathroom.’

 ‘Can we cuddle there?’ 

‘Of course,’ George says, hinting a kiss on Logan’s hair. “You can take a nap on my chest. Or on Alex’s. Would that help?’”

Here I sent a pic of George’s hair almost forming a heart shape, and then I incorporated it in my reply:

“‘Your hair,’ Logan’s eyes light up when they sit down on the bed and he notices George’s hair, ‘It's almost— Can I?’ he asks, gesturing towards George’s hair. 

‘Of course,’ George smiles, not really knowing what to expect as he feels Logan’s hands on his hair. 

‘Now it’s perfect heart. A just had to put the ends closer,’ he explains with a satisfied smile on his face.

‘Aww,’ George pulls him closer to kiss his forehead while Alex grabs his phone to take a pic of the moment. It’s going to be his new wallpaper. George’s heart shaped hair and him kissing Logan, a moment from the beginning of a new chapter in their relationship.”

The End

And this is it, the story of the really special and beautiful relationship Logan, George and Alex have in me and my friend’s universe. ❤

Thank you so much for letting me talk about it, and if you see this here, then thank you so much for reading this. If you stayed here through a bit more than 10K words, I hope you liked reading this and getting to know these three amazing people and a few moments of their relationship. They’re really special to me. I hope there will be some people who’ll think the same because I think Logan/George/Alex is a beautiful polyam couple. 

Also, if you’re still here and still interested in this universe, me and my friend have also talked about another story in this universe where Alex gets a fever and Logan’s the one who’s at home with him and he has to deal with Alex being sick alone, for the first time since they’ve been in a relationship. It’s much shorter than this, around 2K right now in the document but it has all of our unrelated little messages, too, so it’ll be even shorter when I delete everything that’s not the story. If you’d like to read that, too, send an ask. ❤

Also, I’m open to talk about this universe, hear people’s thoughts, headcanons or anything about it. I love reading people’s thoughts about my stories so if this has given you any little idea or anything, don’t be afraid to share it with me. ❤

Have a nice day/night. ❤

[maddrumsticks2]

Just finished Skyward Sword! And I finished A Link Between Worlds a few days ago.

So, double post time! I'll start with ALBW because I had a few days to sit on that one.

Also just realized that with the completion of Skyward Sword, I have officially played and completed every 3D Zelda game! YIPPEEE!

(Long post below the cut!! Along with major spoilers for both aforementioned games!)

Ravio is SO SILLY. Though, he's already talked about a lot. Anything I could say about him has probably already been said.

But hey, I can't help but really like this silly guy who stole my house and all my rupees, okay? He's a little rascal.

So instead, I love Hilda having a clear motivation behind her actions. She is just trying to restore her kingdom. She wants her people to thrive. But she turned to the triforce instead of trying to find better meds to maybe help her people. Though the place was literally breaking apart, so maybe there really wasn't anything else that would've worked.

The story of this game is really heavy in the last 30 minutes, and that's really it. Before that it's just dungeons. Oh, and helping Ravio retire. I absolutely LOVED that XD

So, the distribution of the story could've been done better. But really, this game is so underrated for a Zelda game. Also, the whole moving through walls thing is super fun. LOVED that mechanic. Altogether, great game.

Okay, on to Skyward Sword!

SO good. This game does NOT deserve all of the negativity the surrounded it for some reason. Sure, I used button controls (I couldn't figure out motion controls for the life of me pff) but STILL! I think the Switch version definitely made it easier on me. Though idk what the Wii version is like so I shouldn't be trying to compare them lol.

On to non-gameplay stuff, the dungeons were so cleverly designed. As someone who is not particularly smart, I never found myself super stuck in the dungeons. Instead, I had a lot of fun with them! That's always a plus with me, but I don't find too much shame in looking up a walkthrough here or there.

Story! So fun! I loved Groose's character arc especially. I totally despised him at first but he reached silly status pretty quickly. His character was handled really well, too. He didn't just flip personalities. He showed his flip through his actions, not his words. Which for Groose is a perfect choice.

Also, Ghirahim is SUCH a theatre kid. Nothing can change my mind on that. (And before anyone gets mad, I'M a theatre kid. I know what we act like.)

I find it interesting that the whole game only takes place in three regions that you visit over and over again. Other Zelda games have done this before, but I think Skyward Sword does it the most. I loved all the regions, but tbh I think the forest was the most boring to me. The Ancient Cistern was cool though. I won't deny that. Also, Eldin was probably the most traumatizing for Sky. SO many bad things happened there lol. Like being burned because of how hot it is, then finding chains Zelda has definitely been bound in, being told he was too late. Then he comes back later and not much traumatizing stuff that time. Maybe getting chased by lava, probably not lasting trauma, just scary for a minute lol. But when he comes back a final time, the volcano erupts, covering the sky in ash and leaving him with no return to the sky. To make matters worse, he gets beaten up and captured by monsters and all his stuff was stolen. Wow I just wrote a lot about Eldin pfff

Sadly, I already knew about the whole Zelda is Hylia thing. I kinda wish I hadn't known that. That cutscene probably would've been cooler if I played this game in the complete dark.

Also, Link is so subtly expressive in this game. He actually has facial expressions! I love how at the end of the game, you can SEE Link's determination. You can see his desire to cut Demise down and save his world. I LOVE his expressiveness!

One thing I didn't know was that Demise was the Imprisoned. That actually surprised me.

Then there's Impa. I already figured out that the Old Lady was Impa before the reveal. So that was just "I called it." But here's the silly part about that cutscene: I read fanfic saying she died once. But of course I let my guard down. I believed that the author had Impa die from Ghirahim hitting her. And so, literally one text box away from the scene, I sent my sister in law a text like "lol, idk why I thought Impa dies. She's literally been here the whole time."

I had to send a text probably two seconds late saying "nvm, she died."

Whoopsies, silly me XD

Last thing I wanna say! (I think.) The whole lightning in the end battle is SICK! And now all the lighting scars people give Sky make sense. That's probably one of my favorite scar headcanons, honestly. That and Wild's blast scar. Also love giving Twilight a nasty arm scar, but I'm getting off track.

So yeah! Those are my silly disjointed thoughts on both the games I finished recently! Now I only have 2D games left to play. My list became so much smaller! It went from having ten games to just five.

Just have the Oracles games, Link's Awakening, the original and Adventure of Link to play! (I'm debating which one to start with. Probably the Oracles games to I can get Legend's character down better.)

Yay! Wall of text!

[nephriteknight]

Thoughts on Daggerheart!!

I'll admit I haven't really been following it until today, but after watching the videos released today I got very excited and ended up building a character and reading a lot of the book, as I am wont to do (might post about them later lol).

Now, full disclosure, I wouldn't say I'm all that familiar with the TTRPG space outside of D&D, so take my opinions with a grain of salt. That said, I've played D&D, Wanderhome, Alice is Missing, and the fan-made Hollow Knight TTRPG, and I've watched some AP of Kids on Bikes, Call of Cthulhu, Monsterhearts, and Candela Obscura, which is a longer list than I was expecting. Huh. Anyways, my thoughts!

I really like the duality dice! It's such an interesting way to do mixed success that incorporates story/character into mechanics, which is great.

Related to that, I also like Hope as a fluid resource, and I think that Fear is a nice way to both prompt GM action and to just create a fun sense of dread as the GM takes more tokens

The lack of turn order/action economy is... cool, and a really interesting idea, but my thoughts on this are complicated. As we're seeing in the oneshot right now, it really helps to keep combat as part of the story and give the players and GM room for creativity. (For example, Bunnie describing a counterstrike as part of her dodge, and being able to take it as soon as the GM's turn is over, as well as the tag team feature, which is very cool.) That said, I think this mechanic might not work so well with less experienced or less confident players, who might have trouble taking the initiative (heh) to act in combat (I know I certainly would if I wasn't playing with close friends). That's not really a criticism though -- this is a collaborative storytelling game, and part of playing it is making big moves and taking turns guiding the story. If that's not for you, then you might prefer a different system, which is fine! I think this mechanic has the potential to be really, really dope, but I also think it's the bit that has the most potential to go poorly in my eyes.

The art, design, and general aesthetic feel of this game are so unbelievably up my alley. I love it. That's all.

I'm excited to see that they're working on mechanics for playing disabled characters, but since they aren't out yet I can't really comment. (I did notice that the character in the bard art is in a wheelchair, which is dope.) Also, as others have noted, Daggerheart uses "heritage" and "ancestry" rather than "race", which is a small but good choice.

Personally, I also really like the choice to move away from precise measurements of distance and gold. This one is very much a personal preference, and I know some people will rightfully disagree, but I like it! As a DM, trying to determine the appropriate costs and rewards for things has always been a headache, and this seems much easier to manage; measuring distances with convenient and tangible measurements like the short side of a playing card or the length of a piece of paper also feels much easier to use.

The downtime mechanics are great! Each of the activities you can take prompts you to describe how you heal yourself or another, destress, repair armor, or prepare yourself for what's ahead, which really encourages quieter character moments both introspectively and with others. I'm a big fan of this. This combining of role play and mechanics is also present in other features, such as one of the major level 1 healing abilities, which is more effective if you spend the time it takes to cast learning something new about the person you're healing or sharing something about yourself.

I didn't look at this too closely because I was just making a character for fun and don't have a party to play with, but as part of character creation you're given questions about your relationships to your party members to answer. Wanderhome also has these, and they were MASSIVELY successful in creating depth and meaningful connections between players -- after our table's session zero I was already so invested in all our characters, and when we actually played them they really came to life. I haven't looked to closely at Daggerhearts version of this, but I'm very excited to see them.

The experience mechanic seems really fun and creative, and I especially like the idea of using a phrase rather than something specific. That said, when I played the Hollow Knight TTRPG, which also lets players create their own skills, the open endedness of it was more confusing than inspiring, and there was a lot of potential for a usefulness disparity between players. I do think Daggerheart explains it better, though, and limiting the use of experience with a Hope cost helps to counteract any choices that might be too broad, so hopefully it will work better

I probably have more thoughts, but it getting late and I have a headache, so that's all I'm saying for now :D

Overall, Daggerheart has combined a lot of things I've liked in other games with promising mechanics I haven't seen before, and I'm very excited to try it out. I'm now realizing that I just made a list of things I like without any negative feedback, which isn't what I wanted to do, but I'm not really sure what to criticize without having played it myself.

I'm most curious to see how the non-initiative mechanic works; it has the potential to be a really excellent solve for a major problem in D&D (plenty of people have talked about how initiative limits teamwork, can be boring when its not your turn, etc, so I won't get into it here), but I don't think it's a solution that will work for everyone. Of course, games can't work for everyone, and shouldn't try to. It's working really well on CR's oneshot as I write this, but making choices and sharing spotlight in TTRPGs is literally their job, so I'm not surprised this works for them. I could see this going really well with some tables I've played with, and really poorly with others. I'm still really optimistic, though; it seems like the kind of thing that with the right table could be really excellent.

[blubberquark]

Things That Are Hard

Some things are harder than they look. Some things are exactly as hard as they look.

Game AI, Intelligent Opponents, Intelligent NPCs

As you already know, "Game AI" is a misnomer. It's NPC behaviour, escort missions, "director" systems that dynamically manage the level of action in a game, pathfinding, AI opponents in multiplayer games, and possibly friendly AI players to fill out your team if there aren't enough humans.

Still, you are able to implement minimax with alpha-beta pruning for board games, pathfinding algorithms like A* or simple planning/reasoning systems with relative ease. Even easier: You could just take an MIT licensed library that implements a cool AI technique and put it in your game.

So why is it so hard to add AI to games, or more AI to games? The first problem is integration of cool AI algorithms with game systems. Although games do not need any "perception" for planning algorithms to work, no computer vision, sensor fusion, or data cleanup, and no Bayesian filtering for mapping and localisation, AI in games still needs information in a machine-readable format. Suddenly you go from free-form level geometry to a uniform grid, and from "every frame, do this or that" to planning and execution phases and checking every frame if the plan is still succeeding or has succeeded or if the assumptions of the original plan no longer hold and a new plan is on order. Intelligent behaviour is orders of magnitude more code than simple behaviours, and every time you add a mechanic to the game, you need to ask yourself "how do I make this mechanic accessible to the AI?"

Some design decisions will just be ruled out because they would be difficult to get to work in a certain AI paradigm.

Even in a game that is perfectly suited for AI techniques, like a turn-based, grid-based rogue-like, with line-of-sight already implemented, can struggle to make use of learning or planning AI for NPC behaviour.

What makes advanced AI "fun" in a game is usually when the behaviour is at least a little predictable, or when the AI explains how it works or why it did what it did. What makes AI "fun" is when it sometimes or usually plays really well, but then makes little mistakes that the player must learn to exploit. What makes AI "fun" is interesting behaviour. What makes AI "fun" is game balance.

You can have all of those with simple, almost hard-coded agent behaviour.

Video Playback

If your engine does not have video playback, you might think that it's easy enough to add it by yourself. After all, there are libraries out there that help you decode and decompress video files, so you can stream them from disk, and get streams of video frames and audio.

You can just use those libraries, and play the sounds and display the pictures with the tools your engine already provides, right?

Unfortunately, no. The video is probably at a different frame rate from your game's frame rate, and the music and sound effect playback in your game engine are probably not designed with syncing audio playback to a video stream.

I'm not saying it can't be done. I'm saying that it's surprisingly tricky, and even worse, it might be something that can't be built on top of your engine, but something that requires you to modify your engine to make it work.

Stealth Games

Stealth games succeed and fail on NPC behaviour/AI, predictability, variety, and level design. Stealth games need sophisticated and legible systems for line of sight, detailed modelling of the knowledge-state of NPCs, communication between NPCs, and good movement/ controls/game feel.

Making a stealth game is probably five times as difficult as a platformer or a puzzle platformer.

In a puzzle platformer, you can develop puzzle elements and then build levels. In a stealth game, your NPC behaviour and level design must work in tandem, and be developed together. Movement must be fluid enough that it doesn't become a challenge in itself, without stealth. NPC behaviour must be interesting and legible.

Rhythm Games

These are hard for the same reason that video playback is hard. You have to sync up your audio with your gameplay. You need some kind of feedback for when which audio is played. You need to know how large the audio lag, screen lag, and input lag are, both in frames, and in milliseconds.

You could try to counteract this by using certain real-time OS functionality directly, instead of using the machinery your engine gives you for sound effects and background music. You could try building your own sequencer that plays the beats at the right time.

Now you have to build good gameplay on top of that, and you have to write music. Rhythm games are the genre that experienced programmers are most likely to get wrong in game jams. They produce a finished and playable game, because they wanted to write a rhythm game for a change, but they get the BPM of their music slightly wrong, and everything feels off, more and more so as each song progresses.

Online Multi-Player Netcode

Everybody knows this is hard, but still underestimates the effort it takes. Sure, back in the day you could use the now-discontinued ready-made solution for Unity 5.0 to synchronise the state of your GameObjects. Sure, you can use a library that lets you send messages and streams on top of UDP. Sure, you can just use TCP and server-authoritative networking.

It can all work out, or it might not. Your netcode will have to deal with pings of 300 milliseconds, lag spikes, package loss, and maybe recover from five seconds of lost WiFi connections. If your game can't, because it absolutely needs the low latency or high bandwidth or consistency between players, you will at least have to detect these conditions and handle them, for example by showing text on the screen informing the player he has lost the match.

It is deceptively easy to build certain kinds of multiplayer games, and test them on your local network with pings in the single digit milliseconds. It is deceptively easy to write your own RPC system that works over TCP and sends out method names and arguments encoded as JSON. This is not the hard part of netcode. It is easy to write a racing game where players don't interact much, but just see each other's ghosts. The hard part is to make a fighting game where both players see the punches connect with the hit boxes in the same place, and where all players see the same finish line. Or maybe it's by design if every player sees his own car go over the finish line first.

[duhragonball]

Chainsaw Man Ch. 67-70

Oops.

"Last time, Germany's Santa Claus sacrificed three children to send Chainsaw Man to Hell in exchange for a chance to eat the flesh of the Darkness Devil so that he could make a new body out of his army of zombie-doll creatures."

That is a sentence that probably should not exist, and yet it is brings us up to speed anyway. The upshot here is that Santa Claus is now some sort of eldritch horror who can convert any human he touches into doll creatures, and now the Darkness power has made him even stronger, and he plans to kill Makima this way. But she brought back everyone from hell, and Chainsaw Man seems to be in good shape, so he starts fighting Santa.

Meanwhile, two side characters kind of talk about it. Kishibe, the guy who trained Denji and Power a while back, had tried to bring Quanxi in on his secret plot to kill Makima, but that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. This other dude casually observes that this whole battle never had anything to do with protecting or killing Denji. Instead, Santa and Makima are fighting over some other objective, and Denji seems to be a pawn in their game. He also deduces that Makima can spy on everyone because she has the power to hear through various lower forms of like, like mice and birds.

So yeah, uh, Germany's Santa Claus, everybody! She's single, fellas!

It's unclear what happened to the other characters who got sent to hell. Makima and Denji made it back, and so did Quanxi... but she didn't return in one piece. Two of her fiend girlfriends were in hell with her, and apparently they're just dead. So a third fiend girlfriend finds Quanxi's head and pulls some sort of spearhead from under her eyepatch, and this somehow activates...

... uh, whatever this is. I guess Quanxi has the same kind of power Chainsaw Man has, but with knives or something. Also she's butt-ass naked in this form. She offers to team up with Denji, even though she was sent her by the Chinese government to kill him. She wants Santa dead more, because he's responsible for killing two of her skanks.

Their attacks damage Santa, but with her new darkness power, she can regenerate pretty quickly. I think it only works when she's in shadow, though. Anyway, Santa manages to stymie Denji pretty well by sending dolls after him who seem much more human than the dolls we've seen up to this point. They scream and beg for mercy, and Denji balks because he doesn't want to murder them. Quanxi assures him that they're not really sentient anymore, and they're just mindless automatons like the other dolls. How would she know, though?

Quanxi doesn't really answer that question. Her point is that they have to kill these dolls to defeat Santa, and thinking of them as beyond saving makes it easier to kill them. It's more of a coping mechanism than intel.

As the battle wears on, night falls, and Santa's darkness powers get stronger. She redesigns her body again and yikes.

Also, Santa seems to have figured out how to turn corpses into dolls, and she converts the two dead minions Quanxi was trying to avenge. They take the third one hostage and stab Quanxi. Santa considers turning Quanxi into a doll, but she forgot one thing...

Chainsaws can be set on fire. Wait, no, that's not badass, that's stupid as hell! I retract my earlier statement. Germany's Santa Claus did not forget one thing. No one would ever consider this possibility in the first place, much less forget about it in the heat of battle.

Basically, Denji's idea here is that if he attacks while he's surrounded by fire, then he can offset Santa's ability to regenerate in darkness. I'm not clear how her powers work, but Makima warned that attacks in darkness would be ineffective, and one could argue that cutting attacks are sort of hidden inside the thing you're cutting, so there's not much light to work with. But if Denji's chainsaws are a light source in and of themselves, that solves everything.

Also he remembers the trick with the chains from the Reze arc. Chainsaw Man wraps her up good and pulls her closer to the flames, while she sends in dolls to try to protect her. But she's no match for the mighty Chainsaw Man.

Soon, Germany's Santa Claus begins to despair, and wonders what the hell is wrong with Chainsaw Man that he just won't keel over and die. But the answer is the same as always. Denji wants something frivolous, and he can't have it unless he destroys his enemy, so that's all there is to it.

Happy Boxing Day, you weird-ass bowl full of jelly.

So Denji's won, right? Not quite. He defeated Santa's main body, but Santa still has a contract with the Doll Devil, which affords her control over all the dolls she's made, and they can make many more with a mere touch. Santa expects to continue evolving with the power of darkness and she can just come back with a new doll body and and send dolls to stalk and attack Denji again and again, indefinitely. Denji isn't too worried about this, but he gets his head cut off on the next page, so I guess this isn't his problem anymore.

Qwanxi confronts the burning remains of Santa and wants revenge for her dead skanks. To that end, she employs the fourth one, who we haven't seen much lately. She's the one who can only say Halloween, and on Qwanxi's orders she does a Kamehameha, but Halloween themed. Cute.

What the hell does this accomplish? Well, Santa finds herself in a vast library with this fiend, who introduces herself as the Cosmic Fiend. We're inside her mind, I think, and she can speak normally here. Santa isn't too impressed, because she thinks she can withstand a psychic assault, but tha'ts not what this is.

The Cosmic Fiend has cosmic awareness, for lack of a better term, and she can share that knowledge of everything with others, like Santa Claus. And once they receive this vast storehouse of knowledge and wisdom and enlightment...

You can only think of Halloween until you die. 🎃👻 💀🦇

I... I don't know how to react to that. I guess it explains Cosmic Fiend's appearance. I thought she was just supposed to look like some "cute" zombie, but I guess the real reason her brain is hanging out of her head is because she possesses such incomprehensible knowledge of the universe that her poor skull couldn't contain it.

Anyway, this neatly solves the problem of Santa Claus's doll slaves, because they're still alive, but now they're incapable of doing anything but shouting "Halloween" over and over again. I hope that deactivated the thing where they can turn other people into dolls by touching them, though.

Quanxi seems to have won here, since she decapitated Denji and defeated Santa Claus, but there's one more force to be reckoned with, and it's Makima. Kishibe and the other guy put on their blindfolds, because Public Safety has a rule that you're not allowed to see Makima use her power.

Quanxi immediately surrenders. I don't know if she just realizes she's outmatched, or she's that desperate to end the fight. She pleads for Makima to spare her two minions. But Makima won't accept any terms.

Quanxi and her entourage are suddenly decapitated, in a fashion that reminds me a lot of the way the Darkness Devil fought in hell. Maybe I'm reading too much into that. It's more likely that the comic is just depicting the effects of Makima's secret power without giving away the cause. It's also possible that Makima has one of her people nearby attacking these women on her behalf, like the way Angel Devil took out Reze from the rooftop.

One last loose end. Remember the Immortal Bros. from America? Remember how Aldo was the only one left, and he spent the whole arc trying to work up the courage to carry out his assignment? Well, he must have gotten turned into a doll at some point, because here he is chanting Halloween like all the other dolls in Santa Claus' hive mind.

So Makima has won. With Santa and Quanxi defeated, it's unlikely that the other nations would dare send anyone else into Japan to go after her or Denji. So everyone can take of their blindfolds now, but Kishibe leaves his own, because he knew Quanxi for a lot of years, and he has no great desire to see her dead body on the ground. Also, everything else that's happened is pretty fucked up too.

There's a two-page comic after Chapter 70 that shows the past relationship between Kishibe and Quanxi. She was the legendary "First Devil Hunter" and she had once been partnered up with Kishibe, who would hit on her and get punched in the face for his trouble. After about nine years of this, he finally admitted that he loved her, and she realized she was gay. It adds a nice touch to his refusing to take off his blindfold when she's killed.

[cloudmonarch43]

[ID in alt text, repeated below the cut]

My to-watch list is pretty short now and it's not especially satisfying to write about movies while trying not to say too much about what happens in them, plus I barely like Instagram anymore (where these posts are focused), so it'll probably at least be a while before there's another post like this. But never you think that I don't want to talk about movies!! (Oops, I never noticed I wrote the wrong year for Alien. It's right in the alt text because I typed it all first and then copied it down!)

Image 1:

Saw (2004) is a very silly movie that manages to stay enjoyable the whole way through. Aside from a few good bits, I didn't like Saw II (2005). There were too many characters, underdeveloped, so that even in context it just felt cruel to kill them off. I like engaging with the mechanisms of the games, and yeah the point of the games is violence, but the second movie felt like it didn't care about the game part. It made some good moves as a sequel, but the first one was a lot more fun.

Rather than telling me a story, Dirty Dancing (1987) felt like it was telling me about a story. I liked watching the dancing, and I liked the story that was being summarized, so I liked the movie, but it was strange how much of it just felt like information. Even though the plot was a bit convenient, the great variety of relationships made it feel like a genuine world.

The first time I watched I Saw the TV Glow (2024), I didn't know what I was in for; I kind of stumbled home in a daze of delight and sadness. Movies are such a capacious medium and I love it when that potential is actually used. It also feels good to watch something where the queer interpretation is not just a side effect yet it's still abstract and metaphorical.

We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021) is a super effective movie about watching other people's videos. In reviews I saw, I thought people credited it with a lot that wasn't actually there—only a place was set, which the viewer automatically filled. It didn't resonate with me as much, but I think it's cool to be put through the same sort of process as the characters.

[pencil sketch for Dirty Dancing of Johnny and Baby dancing]

Image 2:

Pretty much everything I wrote in my journal about The Sixth Sense (1999) is using it as a comparison to clarify other things, so I don't know what to say about it on its own. I enjoyed watching it.

After that I rewatched some stuff.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) is great. It really lets you sink in, and there's a lot to sink into, both visually and conceptually.

Blade Runner (1982) seemed more self-contained and a lot easier to follow this time through. I liked it overall but it's so bleak. I guess it's supposed to make me think about what it means to be human but "either you're a cop or a little guy" is the undisputed thesis statement I heard.

The Thing (1982) remains one of my top favorite movies (which is a list I haven't written, but "I Saw the TV Glow" is on it too). I hadn't even remembered a solid half of the great special effects moments because there's just so many.

Alien (1979) didn't work out as well. I still think it's a good movie, but it turns out a lot of what I liked about it was the suspense that doesn't hold up when I know what's going to happen. I know people love to analyze this movie but it's just not catching me that way.

Challengers (2024) is all about three random people I don't have any reason to care about... plus I don't care about tennis. It's not really my kind of movie. That said, it's just about as satisfying as it could possibly be.

[pencil sketch for 2001: A Space Odyssey of an EVA pod]

Image 3:

Pulse (2001) is really sad. What if the loneliness was never ending! It's a high quality, coherent representation, and then it just exists and there's nothing you can do about it. (Also it definitely should have been called Circuit.)

I watched Happy Death Day (2017) because I love time loops a lot. It didn't give me more than that, but it was easy enough to sit through. I think it could've pushed its concepts further but at least it didn't fall apart.

Of course then I had to rewatch Groundhog Day (1993), which I'd mostly forgotten, and I was delighted to discover that this movie rocks. It's efficient, covering a lot of ground without feeling distant or dense, and it really felt convincing.

Nightcrawler (2014) is brutal, unforgiving, and a great movie. Lou isn't a defeatable villain; he's a concentration. This movie refuses to lie, and that feels good even though the things it's saying don't.

[pencil sketch for Pulse of Ryosuke kneeling next to Harue, who is hugging herself]

[prodigal-explorer]

so as someone who is only on chapter one of omori and is obsessed with it here are my thoughts as a new member of the fandom

bear in mind that i haven��t finished the game. i only just got to that one creepy forest place? like the one after the spiders? please don’t spoil!!

but spoilers for everything before that below

1) I HATE BASIL. he’s such a stupid little punk. “uwu im so smol and helpless and i always get bullied and i’m so sweet and innocent” I JUST KNOW THAT FUCKER IS HIDING SOMETHING. everytime i end back in that stupid white room it’s because HES DOING SOME SUSSY SHIT. i also just hate him and everything about him and i know for a damn fact that he’s hiding something horrible behind that sweet little smile and he thinks he’s tricking me but he’s NOT I KNOW HIS GAME.

anyway.

2) i literally cannot decide on a favorite character. i have a least favorite, that’s pretty obvious, but when it comes to a favorite im torn. i LOVE omori, aubrey, kel, and hero all the same! i love mari too but i’m a little salty against her because all her hints for the quests are severely unhelpful 😭 but i still love her tho. i just love the main four so so much and i physically cant choose who i like better. poor little aubrey seems so scared and alone when she has the pink hair and she’s so kind in the little space world thing. hero is a sweetheart and i can’t wait to meet him in the colorful world where i’m moving or whatever. and kel is literally so me 😂 it’s not even funny he just does whatever the fuck he wants and that deserves some respect on his name. and omori is a kickass main character who has a cool thing going for him. but these four characters are sooo well crafted and i love how they work together! it’s a great dynamic balance!

3) i’m either a really bad gamer or the game is super long. i finished the prologue in like seven hours. it took SO LONG. i’m not used to indie games taking that long to play considering that i got through all of undertale in like 10-12 hours my first time. it’s awesome! i love finding all the secrets and talking to all the npcs but DAMNNN.

4) this game has so. much. detail. it’s insane. like the sheer amount of mini games and tiny pockets of lore. it’s like higher than undertale level and i don’t mean to keep going back to undertale but i see a lot of similarities in the game style. i also totally got sucked into playing like 30 rounds of blackjack on omoris computer. it was cool af.

5) the fighting mechanics are super hard. maybe i just suck at strategy but i am so bad at the fights that i just run away whenever i have the opportunity 😭 it’s a problem. i also have no clue how the happy sad angry shit works, i just make omori sad so stab has an attack boost and make aubrey angry so headbutt has an attack boost but other than that i don’t really use it at all and i don’t understand it. maybe that’s why it took me literally 10 tries to get past space ex boyfriend? it’s really fun i just think it’s supposed to be easier than it is and i just missed a memo on strategy.

6) i really love the message so far. the way that mental health is portrayed as something that’s a never ending journey. omori doesn’t just breathe and then everything’s okay, the game highlights realistic coping strategies and makes things like depression, anxiety, and phobias to understandable for any audience through a very creative medium: an indie video game. it’s genius. and i just love how it’s been approached so far, it’s very inspiring!

7) i’m terrified that this fandom is gonna make me mad, i swear to god if i just walk in and see a bunch of basil stan’s i’m turning and walking back out 💀 i mean okay maybe i’ll like basil better later but chances for that seem very low right now. my sister told me that apparently he went through some trauma thing? womp womp don’t care he’s an annoying mf who keeps taking me back to that boring white room where i stab myself, he’s a party pooper and i want a tornado to blow his dumb little flower house down.

[s-che]

Dream Library: Night Witches

Last week (or, well — two weeks ago, this writeup has been a little delayed), the Dream Library’s little Office Hours RPG book club turned our flawless hearts and perfect minds to reading and playing Night Witches, Jason Morningstar’s 2015 Powered By The Apocalypse game about the 588th Night Bomber Regiment of the Soviet Air Forces, the all-woman regiment who flew continual nocturnal bombing runs over the invading German army between 1942 and 1945. We played over on Discord using a combination of physical and digital materials — including the free one-shot guide available on Bully Pulpit’s website — and, after starting a little bit slower than I would have liked, ended up playing for about four and a half hours. It was a great time.

All of that boring stuff out of the way, let’s talk about what we learned:

Night Witches revels in historical detail.

A recurring theme in the Dream Library’s sessions with these older PBTA titles has been their maximalism — the sense, which begins with Apocalypse World and lives on in more recent games like Under Hollow Hills — that the text of a game book is not just an efficient engine, but an object which you should be able to flip through for minutiae and inspiration. This is all downwind of what I talked about re: Barf Forth Apocalyptica in previous posts, of course, but it also stands directly in opposition to a tendency which bothers me in indie games. Many indie game designers (myself included!) have fallen into the trap of looking at bloated games like Dungeons and Dragons or Call of Cthulhu, getting frustrated with their inelegance, and deciding to make the most lightweight possible alternative. Some of this is also motivated by material concerns, of course — it’s easier to produce a one-pager or a zine than a book, especially if you’re working alone — but there’s a real way in which the dominant philosophy behind indie games has tended towards thinking smaller games are better simply by virtue of being smaller. Night Witches, like both Sagas of the Icelanders and Apocalypse World, follows another path: although the core mechanical engine is easy to understand, the book itself is chock full of extra shit that makes the option really lovely to read through. There’s information on the mechanical specifications of the 588th’s planes, queer histories, the timeline of the eastern front, quotes, illustrations, list of names — it goes on, and, frankly, makes the game better even if it’s also longer. It’s really nice to read a game that takes so much pleasure in its setting — which knows that you want more and gives you more. I hope that indie games can get back to looking more like this, as small publishers continue to grow.

Night Witches makes war an engine, not a playground 

One of the reasons I was particularly interested in playing Night Witches (in addition to the fact that the physical copy had been sitting on my shelf unplayed for a while), was the game’s famous (is it famous? or do I just spend too much time thinking about RPGs?) day/night system, wherein both the narrative and the basic moves are strongly delineated between what happens during the day (when you’re resting up, resupplying, and carrying on personal dramas at base) and the night (when you’re flying bombing runs over German targets). For those keeping count at home, this is also part of why Night Witches and Sagas of the Icelanders were pared together this month: Sagas, similarly, has a strong division between the thing men and women are allowed to do, which goes so deep as giving you different basic moves based on your assigned gender. As things turned out, though, that comparison may have been slightly off. Playing Night Witches and expecting the night (which is, after all, where the action happens) to be a phase of equal significance to the day nearly threw off our session’s timing altogether because — despite the fact that they each get their own sets of basic moves and their own expectations — night passes way quicker in this game than the day does. All it takes is two or three solid rolls (and there’s a much stricter scaffolding for how those roles are going to take place) to complete a mission and send you hurrying back home — and although the missions do have a way of going sideways there’s a sense in which those bitter, desperate, shot-down-behind-enemy lines stories are also abstracted by the rules of the game, allowing us to get back to what really matters: being lesbians at Pashkovskaya Airbase. 

In some ways, the actual bombing-nazis girlboss-in-planes chunk of this game feels more like Blades in the Dark’s downtime: i.e., it occupies a significant narrative role, taking up a major chunk of the character’s life, but exists mostly to provide mechanical feedback which will feed into the “main” action (next mission in Blades or the next day in Witches). Maybe I was just running things wrong, and things shouldn’t have felt so asymmetrical — but as things stood I loved the way it played. The war — our part in it, anyway — felt, appropriately, like this big dangerous invasive thing, threatening the community we were trying to build and putting us in danger, turning us against each other when things went south. The last twenty minutes of our session were taken up by an in-character argument back at the base, as a pair of exhausted soldiers turned on the only enemies they had close to hand — each other. Oh, and another player smoked a cigarette with a hot butch mechanic but that’s not important.

Actually that butch mechanic is important, because--

Night Witches is a game with no mechanical system for oppression 

The text of Night Witches is extremely clear about the fact that, if the historical misogyny and homophobia of the early 20th century (and, more specifically, the queer and feminist losses in the 30s in the Soviet Union) don’t sit well with your table, you can disregard them. The book contains overviews of what the institutional response might be to someone getting outed — state violence for men, medical violence for women — but they also encourage you to make your own decisions over whether or not you’ll involve any of this in your own game. I understand the value of having that kind of provision in the text, and of handing over agency to the players to determine their levels of comfort, but in the aftermath of playing a session of Sagas of the Icelanders and (separately from the Dream Library) quite a bit of Seven Part Pact, pulling this punch felt a little bit disappointing to me. My table was able to say yes to the things we were interested in seeing — and there was some casual misogyny in the game, although we didn’t go far into that — but part of me, when looking at a game about a specifically gendered experience of a specific moment in history, wishes that there had been some mechanical oomf to that, and not just an empty space that said something could or could not happen. Maybe I’m in the minority, there, but I would rather a game mechanize the nastiest parts of its setting — if only to give MCs and players clear guidelines on how the game expects us to deploy them.

Night Witches goes a different way, and... That’s fine. In the end, that’s just fine. Fine in an otherwise excellent game.

What’s Next?

Next month, the Dream Library moving on to a new unit on Monsters & monster-fucking with Avery Alder’s Monsterhearts. After that, Bluebeard’s Bride. After that — well...

I was going to have to play a World of Darkness game eventually.

If you’re reading along, thanks! There’ll be another session writeup coming soon. If you’d like to get in on these games and discussions, come do that! We’d love to have you.

[inbarfink]

Man, the difference in like, clarity and convenience in the Mercy mechanic between Undertale and Deltarune is really kinda amazing sometimes.

 Like, with the way Deltarune much more clearly tutorializes how to Spare, and then Chapter 2 adding a visible Mercy Meter so you can clearly see your progress and also indicate when Mercy isn’t possible. And they made Sparing when the name isn’t yellow fill a little bit of the Mercy Meter so it’s not technically a wasted turn AND you can technically brute-force your way through any encounter and still be a Pacifist. 

And after all of this it’s kinda funny to think back to Undertale where you don’t even get told about Yellow Names until halfway through the RUINS and you just kinda have to guess which Bosses you just need to outlast and which have a unique mechanic (F to all the people who wasted all of their Gold thinking that’s how you spare Muffet) it’s kinda hard not to go kinda “Damn Bitch, You Live Like This” at your past self. 

But on the other hand... like, it’s important to remmeber a lot of the obtuseness of Undertale Pacifist Mechanics is like.... maybe part of it was Toby Fox’s inexperience with game design, but a lot of it is very much intentional. Because being a True Pacifist in Undertale was a challange. And a huge part of that challange was like... figuring things out, finding the path to a peaceful solution even when it’s unclear, holding on to your hope that Mercy is an option and not giving in to the temption of easy violence even in difficult situations - and also, in the Asgore and Flowey fights, figuring out what is the situation when violence IS inevitable. 

The mechanical unclarity of Mercy in Undertale plays directly into the feeling of defiance and, well, Determination that is in the center of the Undertale Pacifist Playthrough. Most characters in the Underground are not as gleeful about the idea of “kill or be killed” as Flowey is, but they’ve resigned themselves to that idea to some degree or another. Being a Pacifist is really about proving them all wrong, and so obviously it’s gonna be hard and unintuitive sometimes. Every time you’re stuck in a battle and none of your ACTs seem to you much good and you’re maybe getting frustrated and you know that a FIGHT will make it go much faster and easier... well, that’s the one of the challanges of the Pacifist Route.

And meanwhile, everything about Pacifism in Deltarune is much more clearly communicated and user-friendly.... but that’s also why it feels so off to so many people, y’know? There’s a reason why many fans waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop on the Deltarune Pacifist Run in spesific, waiting for some dark twist.  In Undertale, being a Pacifist was a challange of going against the grain of everyone in the world - now in Deltarune it’s just Doing The Thing You’ve Been Clearly Told To Do, and it only gets simpler and clearer with each Chapter. And that just feels Wrong. Undertale already taught us that Doing the Right Thing is a challanging and frustrating process, so when it’s so easy, we start getting paranoid that maybe it’s not the Right Thing after all...

[theoldaeroplane]

I inbox you the following: I must know what compels you about Link. I trust that he is Good and Excellent, but I simply yearn for an essay on what little niche trait makes you wanna fandom the fuck out of this little guy. 5-10 paragraphs of hyper fixated ramblings preferred, but not required.

ohhh starkid you've given me A GIFT. a GIFT.

So some background first, I think. I've always liked the Zelda games, in the way you play a mainstream game and are like "yeah that was good!" I played Ocarina of Time and Windwaker as a kid. I played Breath of the Wild when it first came out and had a fun time with it. Yeah. Good games! Fun mechanics. Characters seem a little flat, but they aren't why I'm here. What was the story again? Oh, right---yeah, they gave Zelda an actual personality that doesn't start and end with "princess" in the new one! She's a scientist! How neat.

Then Tears of the Kingdom comes out. I've just gotten a Steam Deck for my birthday and wow, turns out you can emulate TOTK already?? I try it out immediately. It's janky, but I love messing with emulators, so I keep going. I certainly don't have the cash to buy TOTK properly.

And in TOTK, for me, it starts with Zelda. It starts with this young woman barely out of her teens being flung into a horrible, frightening situation, and being forced to make an absolutely terrifying choice. And it turns out if you start looking at her more closely, that choice only becomes more and more viscerally upsetting as you incorporate things about her from the previous game.

It got me invested, and I still adore Zelda. I could probably write just as long a deliberation about her. But we're talking about Link.

I read a little bit of BOTW fanfic back when it first came out. It was almost all Sidon/Link stuff, because I liked the ship for a number of reasons, and one evening after another night of mainlining TOTK I decide to go look and see if I can find some that I remembered being good. I did, and they were still mostly good! But there was one in particular, with one line in particular. "You're Always Almost There," by Polyhexian. (On mobile so no link, sorry!)

'One hundred years ago,’ Link signed, 'A Guardian shot me through the chest,’ he grimaced as if in pain from even mentioning it, 'I died with everyone else, and then someone else decided to bring me, and only me, back to life to fix everything, to save everyone. I have to stop the Calamity. I have to save Hyrule. I have to fix the world. I am not a real person. I am everyone’s unfinished business.’

I had read it before. When I read it this time I closed my browser, opened Typora, and started writing. It wasn't more than a random narrative sifting through half collected ideas, and I neither finished nor posted it, but it got me started. A few weeks later I started writing To Be Well, which among other things directly addresses the idea that Link does not think of himself as a "real person"---and that he isn't sure if he wants to.

As I've written him, I've found more and more about him and his setting that fascinates me. Part of this is certainly that Link is intentionally designed as a "placeholder" character (word of God is he was deliberately designed to be androgynous to make it easier for more people to project on him). At first I was really fascinated by his relationship with Zelda, and wanted to look at that through a queerplatonic lens. In doing that I found myself trying to work through some problems of my own, which it turns out is just how I write fanfiction I guess: projecting! Huzzah! I decided to lean into it, and wrote "You do not have to be good," which is a story that takes some liberties with the canon to explore the subject of toxic purity and the toll it takes. Also, the logistics of kissing someone with a beak.

What makes Link compelling to me is ... what do you do, when you aren't allowed to be a person? What do you do when you've been told all your life things are like this and this and this, and that you must behave thusly?  What if you learn it was never true? How do you go from "perfect" to "real"? What does it even mean, being a person? How do you start? Is it even worth it?

I feel like I'm only scratching the surface, haha. I also love Link for whatever the hell he's doing with gender, and I've been having an absolute blast writing him as predominantly communicating via sign language. I'm playing fast and loose with a lot of things that only get half-mentioned in canon, and having a good old time playing in the sandbox of Hyrule. They're huge games and there's a lot of space for me to set up shop!

[rathayibacter]

as a TTRPG designer, how would you approach blackjack / a risk reward type mechanic (I am going to steal)

oh hell yea i genuinely love folks doin stuff like this, ideas are meant to be taken and ran with

and youre in luck cuz ive talked about this before w friends! i think push your luck mechanics fuckin rule in ttrpgs. something i think about a lot is how most dice-based ttrpgs have an actually pretty shallow skill ceiling. like, there's skill involved in making your build, and using your resources at the right time, but once you have your build and know how to spend resources a lot of the actual mechanical fabric of play is just rolling a die with as many modifiers on it as possible and hoping it passes the GM's threshold. there's not a lot of ownership over winning, and not a lot of regret in losing. so yea i think Blackjack's a real promising approach!

so lets talk about the actual meat and potatoes. what's Blackjack bringing to your game, what're the costs, and what's the design space?

Blackjack's letting you turn every roll into a meaningful gamble, where the players can decide how far they want to go and how much they want to risk to accomplish their goals. already that sets a kind of tone for the game, where PCs aren't really noble heroes (or, at the very least, they're noble heroes in a world that makes no effort to coddle them). failure is always a possibility, and disaster is always your fault.

in terms of costs, there's one real big one right off the bat: playing a minigame takes time and mental effort. this is the primary advantage of dice, you barely have to stop to roll a die and see if it was good or not. if you're playing Blackjack every time you do something, you're gonna get very little done. so you're gonna wanna make every game really count! the Blackjack only comes out when the stakes are big. Viditya Voleti describes a fun dice mechanic here where multiple actions from different players can be resolved with one check, and that's another way you could handle something like this.

so okay here's the fun part: design space. here's a first pass at a Blackjack ttrpg mechanic.

whenever you're in a tense situation with everything on the line, play a game of Blackjack. players may bet any amount of Strength, Stakes, and Survival, though some games may have minimum bets established by the dealer. the dealer chooses their face-up card from a hand of three, then deals their face-down card from the deck. when the round is over, the dealer pays out all bets, then describes how the gamestate has changed. if a player went bust, they fail catastrophically. their hubris comes crashing down on them. if a player lost to the dealer, they fail, but they're not out. they can push their luck and try again. if a player tied or beat the dealer, things go well for them. they pushed ahead, got what they wanted, and can try again for double or nothing. if a player got a Blackjack, they succeeded beyond their wildest expectations, double their winnings, and get full narrative control. Strength can be spent to buy new skills and abilities, to gain an edge in future games. Stakes can be spent to buy narrative beats, and many obstacles require payment before a certain number of games elapse. Survival is spent to mitigate the costs of failure and ensure your character doesn't meet an untimely end.

something i really like here is how the dealer gets some control over the difficulty of the check. once the game starts, they're still essentially automated, but they can choose to make a particular game easier or harder on the players. the three currencies also give some texture to each bet, and the GM can play this up by requiring certain minumum bets. a game against a brutal killer might cost 3 Survival upfront, so if you lose you're in a precarious place but if you win you'll be (temporarily) untouchable. it could also allow for a game world where multiple Blackjack games are present at a single time, offering different buyins and payouts to the players. they might be investigating a murder in a small town, and each suspect is represented by a potential Blackjack match. the antagonist of a long campaign might be available from the very start, sitting smugly behind an impossible game of incredible stakes, waiting for the players to build up the courage to take them down.

anyway, those are just a few thoughts on this! lmao

[gwydionae]

King's Quest Fan Remakes

After talking about them a bit recently, I felt compelled to play through the old KQ fan remakes (1-3 from AGDI and 3 from IA), and I wanted to share my more in depth thoughts for anyone interested in these love letters to the original games.

King's Quest I: Quest for the Crown Remake from AGD Interactive

A lovely update to the original! While clearly the least polished of AGDI's offerings, it's nice to be able to play KQ1 with KQ5-style graphics and voice acting (the original voice of Graham, Josh Mandel, voices him in all four of the games in this post, ftr). There is an option to turn off any chance of softlocking yourself before you even start the game, which is a welcome feature. Puzzle-wise, this one stays the most faithful to the original out of the three from AGDI with a few updates here and there (like that stupid name puzzle! lol). The vocal performances and sound effects can be a bit fuzzy, but I found them enjoyable nonetheless.

Overall a solid fan remake with limited extra bells and whistles!

King's Quest II: Romancing the Stones from AGDI

Easily the most ambitious of the three from AGDI. Pretty much all of the core elements from KQ1 are further polished here - artwork, acting, music, and sound effects. The story and puzzles, however, have been changed enough that the end product is sizably different from the original. In some cases, this is fun and interesting (more lore and character interactions! new and unique puzzles!), but not everyone will enjoy all the changes. I, for example, find the underwater section kind of fun, but the new content around the count... not so much (for reasons I'll avoid due to spoilers, but know they're more mechanical than anything). There's less freedom in when you can do things, the added story making the game far more linear than it originally was. But then I'm sure many would agree that if any KQ game could do with extra content, it'd be 2, so I can't fault them swinging for the fences, even if not every hit was a home run.

All in all, this version of KQ2 doesn't really work if you're simply looking to experience the original game with updated graphics, but it's a fun playthrough nonetheless, and newcomers might enjoy the added lore/story bits. Just be aware that I could probably sum up the original game's story in about two sentences while this one would take far longer. XD

King's Quest III: To Heir is Human Redux from AGDI

If KQ1 wasn't fully polished and KQ2 was a little overworked, then KQ3 is juuuuuust right! (For anyone who knows the game, yes, this is a purposeful pun. XD) The graphics, sounds, music, vocal performances - all are the best yet (though still with some minor hiccups as any fan game is wont to have - the music was sadly cutting out during the climactic sequence for me). It even has a neat little feature where the timer changes color depending on how close you are to being zapped into oblivion that is not only useful but adds a sense of urgency in it's own way (especially if you forgot the item that makes travel a lot easier for like 2 meals I mean what lol). While it does carry over some of the story threads from AGDI's second entry, this game still works well enough on it's own, with the majority of the new content being added in naturally rather than supplanting whole sections of the original. In fact, personally speaking, I think the added content only enhances the game, your encounters with Medusa and the yeti especially getting a nice boost. And the extra lore only helps you feel for the protagonists plight all the more. The ending is a bit drawn out, perhaps, and I may not agree with the order you're supposed to choose the four items in to get the treasure (insert rant here XD), but those are minor nitpicks at best.

This is easily the best of the three, AGDI having perfected their KQ formula at this point. It works as a remake of the original while still adding in a bit of new content that doesn't feel unwelcome. I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in giving the King's Quest series a try.

King's Quest III: To Heir is Human Remake from Infamous Adventures

Look. I know that it's not as impressive as AGDI's version. The time limit is laughably long, the spells are impossible to mess up, and some of the clickable areas can be a bit wonky. But I really like this version, ok?? I like the design and voice of Gwydion, I like the storybook quality that the cutscene art has, I like that it feels lonely when it should. And as much as some of the changes in AGDI's version were really nice, I like that it's basically just the original game without extra stuff added in.

This is like AGDI's KQ1 - a really solid remake of a game that gives you the feel of the original but with an updated interface and graphics. It's not as impressive as the one above, but it doesn't have to be. The original KQ3 is an awesome game, so an update of just that can't be bad. It can easily be played as a standalone game, and I will continue recommending this version 'til I die, lol.