#tw:dysphoria

[froggy-ilya]

Okay if I die because of a crime, will to corroner misgender me as hard as in the CSI-shows?

[unknownwhisper]

I'll dig my own fucking grave before I let another person touch me again.

[mommybard]

Ah, gender struggles. I know I'm a guy, but I want to wear skirts and crop tops and jewelry and makeup, and look and feel pretty, but dysphoria won't let me do that without feeling gross and physically uncomfortable because I'm doing something "girly", and people keep telling me that I'm "not a real guy" if I do that kinda thing, and if I wear the shit I want then people say shit like "but if you like that stuff why do you want to be a boy? Why not just be a girl?" (And my dad wonders why I didn't talk to him about this shit when I was figuring myself out...)

I WANNA BE A PRETTY BOY WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A FAKE HOW DO I DO THAT

XOX ⚡

TW:Dysphoria I wish I had a good answer hun. I've written something for this and erased it a few times now trying to give a good answer or advice but I'm not sure it'll help. I'll still try though. I feel for transmasc people. While transfem people who feel too masculine in appearance or clothing have had butch members of the queer community to look to and feel empowered by when fighting the monster that is dysphoria, there's not really a large group like that for them to get that same feeling from. There are individual members, but it's not like they're out there in force like butches. One way that I approach this monster when it's laying into me is looking at world history and cultures. I know, it's weird probably, but I'm a huge history and sociology buff and it helps in a way. Knowing that what we think of as "Guys clothes" or "Girls clothes" isn't a universal constant. We can see it change from culture to culture, from time period to time period. Something that one group thinks is the absolute most masculine thing ever to wear, another group might think that's pretty androgynous and another would feel is feminine in appearance. So if there's no constant, wouldn't it be better to just go with what makes you feel good, what you think looks good on you, and what makes you happy. Another that helps at times but more in a "Don't get scared, get angry" way is to remember that the people supporting the culture that says that skirts are only an article of womens clothing or that slacks are only an article of mens clothing is the exact same group who says that trans people shouldn't get to exist. So why the fuck would you ever, EVER, want to do something that agrees with them. Fuck them. They have no goddamn control over us. They have no right to fucking try to shove their bullshit on us. Fuck them, they're a bunch of stupid fucking bigots. So give them a giant fuck you by wearing the twirly skirt and doing amazing makeup while embracing your masculinity and being the prettiest fucking boy out there!

[elhopper1sm]

Joyce Byers x GN! Reader

PAINFUL NIGHT IN

Prompt:Reader takes care of Joyce on a night where she has really bad cramps.

TW:Dysphoria trigger warning for AFAB trans people. Mentions of periods in detail.

Joyce had a hard night. For some reason her cramps were really bad today. And you needed to take care of her. After finally making lunch for her kids she had just crashed onto the couch. It felt like every muscle below her stomach had piercing sharp pain. You knew she was going to be basically immobile for the next few hours. You knew what to do. You went to the store. Of course first things first cigarettes. Only ever Camels or Marlboros. That was a necessity and it was non-negotiable. You knew those were the only brands she accepted. 4 packs enough to last her a while. Second you realized she'd need some snacks. Chocolate was an obvious one. Then some sweets like donuts would help and some herbal tea helped ease the worst of her cramps. She desperately needed that. Then painkillers. Given the intensity of her cramps simple Tylenol or Advil wasn't going to do the trick. So a few packs of Midol and a biggie of Pamprin would seal the deal. Then you realized you didn't know what products she used. So you bought almost every brand you can see.

"Honey I'm home. Here you go a pack of Camels and some painkillers. I know today has been tough"

"oh y/n you're a lifesaver. Thank you" Joyce said still huddled up on the couch because of how bad her cramps were

" I didn't know what specific products you used so I just got all of them" You replied

"Oh well thank you y/n. It's really thoughtful of you. Most people just got whatever's cheapest or most available. " Joyce replied

Joyce immediately smoked her Camels. The smell of her smoke clinging to your clothes but you not minding

"Honey is there anything I can do to make this more comfortable for you?" You asked sincerely

"Can you help set up the table for dinner. I would but Im really in pain y/n" Joyce replied

You nodded letting her know how much you cared and began to set the table. After you were done you came to comfort her with side hugs and forehead kisses. She was struggling a lot. And she appreciated you doing housework for her when she was upset or in pain.

"Joyce. I really love you".

"I love you too Y/N"

[leo-probably]

Happy Pride Month!!! I’ve never made a vent pride post before wowie Also I am here for Memes and Sadness almost exclusively,,, but Black Lives Matter and you should be looking into petitions and donations whenever you have free time. Thanks bye! 

[victortodaro]

Turn away

Don't look at me

Don't look at me don't look at me

Dontlookatmedontlookatmedontlookatme

Please.Don't look Don't look Don't look Don't

This is NOT who I am!

[shunkaidomybeloved]

I made a vent doodle

[treefrog203]

me going from texting a friend and trying to help him with his dysphoria to helping a girl who i’ve only ever seen in the halls about her being raped/problems with her friends:

also, i offered to help both of them, not just me being like

“ugh why me?”

or anything

[thelonelywillow]

Dysphoria sucks

[hornymainseries]

*taps on mic*

Excuse me everyone, quiet down, settle down, listen up for a second.

If you want to write or draw trans men doing inherently female things like childbirth go ahead. But, hear me out, please tag these posts for dysphoria. Trans men irl do give birth but its a very low percent of trans men. So please respect trans men and their dysphoria and tag and put a dysphoria warning.

You may continue scrolling.

[didyaputyanameinda-gobletoffiya]

Milestone Q&A

[razziberri]

hey uh

thats all

[queisalive]

Dysphoria can suck my whole ass! Why can’t I just be shirtless like every other guy in the summer

[thorinsbeard]

Bearded Ramblings

As always, bad stuff under the cut. I’ll make a separate post for Bohemian Rhapsody. 

Well I have NOT been winning with my depression since I got to Wellington. I feel so out of my depth for the most part, anxiety-filled as I run into crazy people like the woman who started barking and growling at me and yelling her dog wasn’t going to eat me, when all I was doing was moving so they could go past. It makes my agoraphobia worse because why go out at all or without a support person if that sort of thing happens. And then the bullshit on Neopets happened. 

To be honest, I admit here, I AM THE ONE WHO CAUSED THE BULLSHIT. Alright, I did not mean to. It was a moment of panic. What happened was some people all inquired at once about a foreground I had and offered on it and I just felt so overwhelmed because I suffer from panic attacks, avoidant personality disorder and instead of telling the people can you wait, can I get back to you, I blocked one of them. It wasn’t just due to that though. I feel like that trader constantly over valued her stuff and under valued mine, because. Here’s the thing. She offered a dress to me for 3 caps, when I wanted it on its own. But somehow when she is offering it on mine, it goes down to 2 caps? Idk it just left a bad taste in my mouth. But then she made a board about me and idk what she wrote except that tons of people made horrible comments so now I’ve been afraid to even go there or post. Because that is what avpd does to you. You avoid everything!! Whether you want to or not. And I cannot explain that on neopets. Go call me a loser, or whatever else you want to, but my actions were mine, and they were influenced by a mental illness. 

I just feel like I’m losing. I’m losing my fight with depression and anxiety. Losing my fight with dysphoria. I’m just losing it. And somewhere in my head I just keep feeling like it doesn’t matter. But now that this is gone I’m going to go and praise the hell out of a movie. 

[anotherenbyjourney]

why now?

Something I was asked by my doctor during my assessment was: Why now? Why look to pursue surgery now? Why come out to everyone and make these changes now? I turn 30 in just over a month. I’m not a kid, or a teen anymore. Far from it. I suppose I should know who I am by now, should have had that figured out, but honestly do any of us ever really know who we are? Ever?

My entire life I’ve felt just... Odd. Weird. “Other” a lot of the time. Not just because I’m a nerd (that’s not helped lol), but I have never really fit in properly with the majority of your average girls or women. I felt the “odd one out” amongst my family who were predominantly female. In offices staffed with majority women, I felt like a complete outsider. I’ve very rarely “clicked” with girls and I get along a LOT easier and faster with guys. Any age, any background, any education level, getting along with guys was much smoother.

I put it down to “they just don’t “get” you”.  I didn’t get the same feeling with my friends, male or female. We shared enough of the same interests, had the same sense of humour, liked the same things etc. But that’s how it works right? The people you click and vibe with, you make friends with. Age was maybe also a factor in “not gelling” with other women. People also come from different walks of life. 

“You're not just a big weird freak, you’re just made from entirely different moulds, right? You can’t get along with everyone?”

It’s only within the last few years that I started finding out about gender issues, nonbinary specifically. The more and more I read into it, the more stats and facts and studies I absorbed, the more little bits of information, the more RELATABLE AS HELL the stories I was reading were getting... the more I started to consider; Hey wait a minute. This is all making FAR too much goddamn sense.

It took a while for things to start adding up to the point I started making changes in my life or thinking differently about myself. All the things I was learning, and how they related to me and the way I think and feel, started to change my outlook on myself. About 2 and a half years ago, I started thinking to myself: “Right. I’m Nonbinary. This is me!” I tried it on, entirely privately, non-verbally. It’s how I thought about myself. And it... fit. It worked. It felt right.

Some time later, I told my husband and a few very close friends “hey I think I might be nonbinary” or at the very least “I’m having very weird Gender Feelings you guys...” The ability to talk it out and bounce ideas and feelings off my friends, some of whom are trans themselves, has been utterly invaluable. Last year I made more baby steps towards accepting this strange new-but-not-new part of myself, that I’d managed to finally put a name to. I told a few more people. I would drop it into casual convo. I made posts around pride week and national coming out day. The binder I’d bought to wear for cosplay purposes, I started wearing on a more casual everyday basis. I -embraced- my masculine swings a lot more often and dressed how I wanted to dress, moved how I wanted to move, spoke how I wanted to speak. The way that felt most natural at that time. I stopped worrying I “looked super butch” or “like a lesbian” when I looked and dressed more masculine.

And it all felt - really good-.

Imagine you’ve gone the majority of your life, thinking like.. “theres just something not quite right here.” It’s nothing causing you physical pain.  There are no real symptoms you can put a finger on. “Not fitting in with women”, “not being into girl stuff”, “having body confidence and body image issues”, “liking to wear boys clothes/have short masc haircuts/wearing cologne/etc/etc/etc” were all just weird little facets of yourself you’d had to live with and feel weird and “other” about.

And then suddenly someone goes: hey that weirdness you’re feeling? There’s a name for that. You’re not just a freak! You’re not different all of a sudden, nothing has changed, but aaaall the stuff that made you “you”, makes a heck of a lot more sense now that you can put a name on it.

This is not “Who I Am Now”. This is Who I Have Always Been.

It all started to make sense. Everything. I wasn’t just weird. I didn’t have to worry about “looking like a man” anymore. My dysphoria made SENSE. It sucked ass, and still made me feel like shit, but it made sense! I’m not broken.

The biggest “click” and the thing that lit a real fire under me was New Years eve 2017. It was a themed party, and people were all in costumes. I went as a male character and wore my binder (I’m going to talk a bit about costuming as male characters later because this is also Important I think). I’d had a few drinks, and when it came time to take the costume off and get into something a bit more comfy after midnight (and because I was coming to the end of my binder time. I like to bind safely) I found that it was HEARTRENDINGLY UPSETTING... to take the binder off and “go back to being girl-me again”. I’d always been really sad after a solid weekend of dressing as a man for male costumes and having to “go back to normal” but this was like an intense version of that feeling. That I’d spent 29 years doing this, living with and putting up with “girl-me”. Like that version of myself wasn’t the real me at all. That I was facing another year, approaching thirty, and that this was going to be how things were for the rest of my life unless I did something about it.

January 2nd I sent out an email to my chosen doctor (I’d been researching it all for months at the back end of 2017 but done nothing about it) to try and book an appointment to pursue top surgery, which I told my husband about and we had a long discussion around. 

February 4th I came out to my mum and my two sisters who had a lot of questions but were incredibly supportive. They told me that “actually that makes a lot of sense...” considering my childhood, and while they were worried for me from a “this is a surgery you cannot come back from, I hope you’re sure” point of view, supported me there too.

Last month I went a lot more public with my gender and I’m trying to make more and more people aware of it, since I interact with large groups of varied people as part of cosplay and costuming. I’ve literally faced nothing but support (and questions of course, but I’ve got all the time in the world for supportive people who just want to understand things so they can better help and support their friends and others like me.)

It’s been thirty years. And I still have a long way to go. But I’ve honestly never been more comfortable within myself and with every babystep I’ve taken towards hacking my way out of this shitty little “desperately trying to conform to gender standards” chrysalis I’ve been trapped in for my entire life, the better I’ve felt.

[thattransguy1326]

Dysphoria thoughts #1

That moment of dread when you know you have to get dressed to go somewhere, but you have to be surrounded by people who you are either closeted to, or don’t respect you at all, and you have to wear a bra instead of a binder, so you just stay home instead, despite having been home for 2 weeks straight.