#twss

[bashfoal]

i'm sure riker gets that a lot

[shadedempsey]

Game Grumps Remix - Daddy Loves Tilling The Soil

[jimpluff]

So big it’s terrifying!

[dudja]

That’s What She Said Compilation- #TheOffice #Funny #Comedy #MichaelScott #SteveCarell #classic #thatswhatshesaid

[dragonladysworld]

When you order OGP from Walmart and order steak, you just might get way more than you really wanted. Also, your ribeye might get subbed with ny strip. I really don’t like ny strip. But not only will I be eating strips, we’ll be eating steak until Thanksgiving. #thatisalotofmeat #twss #grilling #steak #bbq #charcoal https://www.instagram.com/p/ClMqaRxPGo7/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[shania-twain]

The Nanny Rewatch → 1.01 Pilot

[schizononagesimus]

im sorry i just got called cringy by a 19 year old in the tags of my own post and im gonna cri omigawd xc that was soooo not PLUR xDxDxD rawr!! LOLLLL. if i dont laugh ill cry.. be so for real!!!!

[the-weirdos-mind]

Mafia AU Fic Idea:

Estella could be given a mission to infiltrate the Scarabian territory and she disguises herself as a street dancer. She practiced her dance moves until its deemed perfect. The night she carries out her mission, she’s performing at Kalim’s house at a party happening in the night. Jamil is on the watch for any intruders and loses sight of his job as Estella’s dancing entrances him. He wonders if it’s a dream when the performance is over

@writing-heiress @adrianasunderworld @marrondrawsalot @mangacupcake @nproduction626 @anxious-twisted-vampire

[akascow]

getting a large soda when the large is actually large i feel like such an american (derogatory)

[libelelle]

I have the coolest major ever btw. Theres gonna be a whole class about birds <- the entire reason i applied

[honorhearted]

TRY + A CHARACTER ( from Turn ofc ; do robert rogers )

SEND  TRY + A CHARACTER  YOU’D LIKE TO SEE ME ( ATTEMPT ) TO WRITE ! / @seadcgs

"Ah-tah-tahhh." Rogers lifted his leg and entrapped the other man -- no, rat -- beneath his boot, his tongue brushing against one sharp canine with a sneer. "Y'wanna know why you're strugglin', lad? Why you're findin' it so difficult to breathe?"

Any time Rogers honed in on the kill, became shark-like, his brogue grew more pronounced; his senses all heightened, and he could practically taste the panic in the air. As a boy, he'd learned to hunt young. It didn't take his father's patient tutelage to alert him to the cold and painful truth: the world was hard, the world was cruel, and woe to any man who stood in his way.

Although Rogers wouldn't call himself malicious nor unfair, there was a certain thrill in watching traitors squirm and beg for their lives. The greatest pleasure laid in giving them hope -- just the scantest ribbon of faith that they would live to see another tomorrow. And just as that relief settled in, he would yank the proverbial thread and unravel them into the meaningless, godforsaken rubbish heap from whence they came.

"Snake venom," he finally supplied, withdrawing a small vial from his pocket. "While you were so rudely flap-flap-flappin' your gums, I did the neighborly thing and poured us both a glass. Only, I didn't touch mine." Here, Rogers pinged the sherry with his index finger. "I knew I recognized you. If y'wanna catch a predator, y'gotta think like one, boy." He flicked the trembling man's perspiring forehead, tisking as he straightened with a sigh. "When, oh when will Major Andre learn that sendin' a wee pup to do a wolf's job ain't gonna work out, eh? That major of yours is startin' to leave a mighty big trail of bodies. Not my fault, by the way." Rogers raised his arms. "Wouldja blame a lion for defendin' his territory? I'm just doin' as animals do, lad, so I hope y'know this is nothin' personal."

The man choked and gurgled, shaking against the floor as his mouth foamed unpleasantly.

Tucking the venom back inside his coat, Rogers faux lamented, "I did consider lettin' ya live so y'could deliver the message to good ol' Johnny-boy personally, but I grow weary of his vanity and cowardice. Perhaps your death -- one I had to elevate for the sake of gainin' his attention -- will finally be the one that drives the point home, aye?"

When the man finally passed out, succumbing to the poison, Rogers doffed his hat and muttered up toward the darkening sky, "Alas, another foolish soul committed to the stars..." Such a waste. He'd been a good spy, too.

[retrograderesemblance]

❛ i’m sorry , you don’t enjoy being teased ? . ❜ (Cecily @ Benedict)

@pagetreader

It was obscene, the wet noises emitting from between them, from where she mercilessly had his member in hand, more of his precum leaking over her fingers each time she slowly stroked him from base to tip.

"Fuck..." he shuddered, eyes rolling back into his head even if she couldn't see them. He'd agreed to this, the ribbon presently blindfolding him, the ribbons presently restraining his wrists to the headboard of the bed. All of it done with the intention of amusing her, making his newlywed wife happy. Though now he wondered if she intended to extend the favor to him.

She placed a kiss to his chest in response but it was a cruel gesture, one making him shiver as her teeth sank into the flesh of his collarbone, the sensation shooting straight downwards, his cock twitching anticipatory, his hips inadvertently bucking, desperate for more friction, desperate for anything, to feel her, to become lost in her.

"Cecily," his voice was hoarse with lust, his breathing methodically slow, juxtaposing the rapid beating of his heart.

"I'm sorry, you don't enjoy being teased?"

A breathless scoff, "This isn't teasing. This is torture," her hand was insistent and he maoned, "Fuck... Do you want me to beg? Is that what you want?"

He wasn't going to last, of that he was certain.

[an-absolute-nightmare]

Your description

twss

ASGDFAGFS ANON

[jeza-red]

Ok, this isn't what I usually do, but I have to tell you about these new headphones I got.

If you spend long hours with Bluetooth earphones in - either for work or leisure - and notice your ears getting tender inside, getting infections, headache, or have weirdly shaped ears that make using TWSs awkward? But can't use overhead headphones for whatever reason?

Get yourself a pair of these.

Lenovo x15 pro OWS

These go over the ear, not into it, like so

The sound quality and volume is great, they connect easy and stay in place.

They cost me less than $10 on AliExpress (I know, I know, but I am poor) and I love them.

[seradae]

meow ^^ ask meme time!

14, What’s your go-to nude pic to send to someone. Describe the angle, lighting, body part etc. 44, Have you ever masturbated to a mutual’s selfies before? Tag them if you dare. 90, Who is the coolest person you follow here? Tag them if you dare. 96, What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever asked someone to do in real life?

enjoy :3

14. Not sure I really send enough nudes to have a go-to 🙈 but I do love sending teasing videos showing off in a cute skirt/dress and showing my very bitable thighs, my tummy, and others 👉👈

44. Selfie? Nah, but I've masturbated to nudes from many a mutual 😹

90. I can't pick just one single coolest person!! There's so many cool little gay people in my phone 🥹

96. Ooo, fuck that's hard. (TWSS.) My autistic, hyper-literal ass is getting caught up in the "asked someone to do" phrasing because then I think about begging wifey to slap me 🙈 (I know it's not much, but I'm a babysub still!) But if we broaden it a bit, one of the somno experiences (the one I wrote about most recently) is probably among the kinkiest. Or being spanked with a bible in front of a room full of furries. Or branding someone with a special pointed copper tip on the violet wand 👀

Dammit, now I wanna do kinky shit 🙈❤️

[deanscroissant]

Reunited…and It Feels so Good

Joe Mazzello x fem!reader

requested by: @borhapgirlforlife19 (i hope you like it, hun xx)

warnings (im terrible at these): mentions of smut but nothing that deep (twss), lots of fluff, and a tiny bit of angst.

a/n: my first joe fic in a year or so 😬 i took a brief hiatus from writing in general so pls be gentle with me. im getting back into the swing of thangs. 😁 i hope you guys enjoy!

It's a special day today because someone is celebrating a birthday: your husband Joe of six years.

You couldn't wait to celebrate it with him because he's been gone for a long time—half of the year just about. But having him home safe and sound with his family has been such a relief. You missed Joe, but not as much as your four-year-old daughter Jade (Jay Jay, as you and Joe, would call her). That girl loves her father more than anyone in the world. Sometimes it'll make you a tad bit jealous when she shows more attention to him than you, but the thought goes away when you see them playing and laughing together.

She wanted to sleep with you two last night, but Joe wanted to spend some alone time with you. So instead, he decided to lay with her in her room until she fell asleep. Joe felt terrible, but his attention was entirely on her the whole day. Not that you both mind it; he just missed you and wanted to show you how much he did.

You looked over at him and smiled softly. Joe was sleeping peacefully. His under eyes showed how exhausted he was. Without waking him, you slowly removed the covers and left the bed. You tipped toed to the other side of the room to look for your night clothes, where Joe threw them, then quietly left the room, closing the door behind you.

You figured Jay Jay was asleep because it was almost seven a.m., but the sound of hard plastic and animated mouth sounds flowing through her cracked door told you otherwise. You softly giggled while opening her door wider. She was fully awake on her floor, playing with her Barbie dolls that she recently got from your parents last week. Her precious green-hazel eyes averted to you, and they lit up as she leaped off the floor and into your arms.

"Hi, princess," you said, smiling while hugging her back and kissing her temple. "You're up early…as always." you chuckled as you tickled her side, her giggles filling the air.

She calmed down and said, "I wanted to play Barbie with daddy when he wakes up. I was just waiting for him." He did promise her that he'll play all day with her. But, unfortunately, he didn't get the memo when she wanted to start bright and early. "Well, I think daddy needs to sleep a little longer."

"Why?" She pouted while moving her unkempt hair from her eyes. You began walking to the living room to sit her down with you to explain why.

"Because we need to surprise him. It's his birthday!"

Her eyes widen as she lets out a gasp, "Really?! I have to make him something!" She slides off the couch and runs back toward her room but stops before going further. "Wait! Mommy, you can make breakfast for daddy. Don't make him cereal. Make eggs and waffles for him, okay? And bacon!"

You couldn't help but laugh at the little diva toddler. "Yes, ma'am, I got it. Thank you for telling me."

She gives you a cheeky smile before running off, following to get off the couch to start Joe's birthday breakfast. Jade returned with her supplies and paper and asked you to help her put her things on the table. Once she got in the chair, you resumed back to cooking.

Joe eventually woke up when the smell of his favorite waffles hit his nose: Chocolate chip. Also, the sound of his daughter's laughter abrupted his sleeping. Hearing her laugh made his heart warm. He was so happy to wake up at home with his family instead of in a small rental apartment that gave him restless nights. He felt awful for missing half of the year without seeing Jay Jay, but he knew he could make it up to her soon enough.

He got out of bed to use the bathroom and brush his teeth before joining his family. Jay Jay was drawing while you made the next batch of waffles when Joe stopped in the living room to admire you both. Joe sometimes can't believe he has a family of his own, which he wanted for a long time—way before he met you. When he got to know you more, he was happy that you were on the same page as him wanting to start one someday. You were perfect for him and his daughter. Joe couldn't think of anyone better to be his wife and the mother of his children.

Jay Jay's attention turned to the movement she saw from the corner of her eye. Her hazel-green orbs met the same set staring back at her—gasping in surprise at the sight of her father. "Daddy!" she screeched, jumping from the chair and running into his embrace when he got down to her level to embrace her back. "Good morning, baby girl!" He pecks her cheek before picking her up.

"Happy Birthday!" she said with glee, her little arms stretched out, making Joe grin even harder.

"Well, thank you, Jay Jay. I appreciate it!" He gives her cheek some more kisses, which sends her into a fit of giggles. Joe has yet to shave his beard that he had to grow for the project he worked on, only because hearing Jay Jay laugh hysterically gives him a dopamine rush when he gives her kisses. You started to laugh while listening to them as you began whisking the eggs. Jade had a contagious laugh, and it was hard not to laugh with her. It was one of the cutest things about her.

Joe places her back down, and she grabs his hand (well, two of his fingers) to lead him to the table, "I made a gift for your birthday, daddy." She climbs back in her chair while Joe sits beside her, propping his arm on the back of the chair she was in to look at what she crafted for him. She picks up her handmade card buried underneath a pile of gold and red glitter, blowing off the excess before handing it to him carefully. Joe's mouth agape dramatically at the crafty card made from printer paper. "For me? You shouldn't have!”

With a cheeky smile, he opens it and laughs when more glitter spills out. 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY,' it says across the paper, written in marker with each word in different colors. Below it was stick figures of you, Joe, and Jay Jay standing outside our house surrounded by trees and hearts. It made Joe's heart swell. "Oh my gosh, thank you, baby girl! It's so beautiful!" He says while pulling her into his lap and kissing her cheek. Her small hands tried to pry his head away as another round of giggles escaped her mouth.

"You're welcome!" she says in between laughs. Joe could do this all day and never get tired of it. Jade returned to drawing, and Joe put the homemade card on the fridge. You had just finished the eggs and got ready to set the plates when Joe came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing gently on your neck. "And good morning to you, gorgeous."

You had wished Joe happy birthday around midnight after doing "late night activities" with him, which led to another round after you teased him about getting old and not being able to do that "thing" you always loved him to do.

Proving you wrong was an understatement.

"Good morning, birthday boy." you smiled, turning your head to kiss his lips before finishing up what you were doing. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept like a baby, thanks for asking. I missed that bed so much." He sighed as he placed his cold hands under your shirt, rubbing your warm tummy. "And I missed you laying next to me."

"Aww. Likewise, babe." You cooed, now placing a stack of waffles on Joe's plate. "I was asking if you were still interested in going out today. That's if you're too tired to."

"Well, I did want to go eat pizza for lunch, then come back home and enjoy the rest of my day with you beautiful humans." He tightens his arms around you, burying his face in your neck as you roll your eyes. "By that, you mean let your four-year-old boss you around all day."

"You know it." he chuckled, "You guys are my birthday gift."

"Oh, you are such a sap," you teased, turning around to peck his lips. "This is the only thing I'll ask you to do today: Will you help Jay Jay clean the table, please?"

"Yeah, right. Let's see how long it will take for you to ask me to do something else. I bet five minutes." He teased back before turning around to help little Jade with the table. You giggled when you saw a trail of glitter coming from the table to the fridge where he put the card. "You're probably right because you left a trail of fairy dust behind." you pointed out on the floor, and Joe looked down, a laugh escaping between his lips. "I did no such thing!"

"Yes you did, daddy!" Jay Jay giggles as she runs back to her room to put her stuff away. Joe fake gasped at her. "Not Jay Jay ratting me out."

"She's an angel, unlike you." you poked out your tongue, making Joe scoff. "Who said I was?"

Another giggle came out as you returned to finishing Joe's plate. You wanted to surprise Joe by putting whipped cream and sprinkles on his waffles. You set the table once it was clean, pouring everyone's favorite morning drink with the delicious dish you were about to demolish.

Joe marveled at the sweet breakfast treat before him, his smile resembling Jay Jay's on Christmas. "Oh, I'm just getting spoiled left and right today." He said. Jade walked back in and gasped. "Oh my gosh, Mommy, these look amazing!"

"They do, huh?" Joe said, pulling you into his side and looking up at you. "I think she did a pretty good job. Thank you, honey." You grinned and kissed his cheek. "Anything for you, babes."

Joe felt content now that he was home, even though he got home a few days ago. It doesn't steer away from the fact that he missed so much time away from his family. He missed birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. So he did feel a little guilty that he was celebrating his birthday. But if it meant he could return home to his beautiful girls, he wasn't complaining.