#u know what the fact that someone who thinks this way is in part responsible for literally writing these characters tells you everything

[bitchthefuck1]

“sometimes you need some skin on skin” april fools isnt until the weekend 😭 clown shit

Like congratulations, you somehow found a way to completely dismiss and mock the mental illnesses, trauma, and sexual orientation of 3 characters in only 7 words! It would almost be impressive if it wasn't so massively stupid and fucked up

[toytulini]

i do love my car it is the perfect car aside from the. imperfections and frequent problems,

[boowritess]

so apparently it's really fucking hard to get into the SAS. and ontop of that I've been getting tiktoks of people going around an army base asking why they joined. most responses were to pay off student loans, bills, school, (someone said there's was 6 years of prison or school and *mental note for idea*), the recruiter lied or spoilt them, barracks bunny.

141 (poly?) x notsobaddasssoldier!reader

and now i can't stop thinking of soldier!reader. who really half-assed their way through everything - only doing the job for the money and to pay off student loans + they had nothing better to do.

who somehow ends up being adopted by Price (kinda like Gaz i guess ???) all because reader happened to be in the right place at the right time and saved Price's ass while managing to complete a mission the Task Force were doing.

and it's not that you saved his ass or completed the mission that makes Price go *this is mine* - it's the fact that afterwards all you can say is-

"this shit is so not worth paying off my student loans."

"oh fuck i forgot to cancel my subscription. fuckk- waste of fucking money"

- all the while a building is burning in front of you but yeah just not at all concerned about what had just happened. so price just *grabs you by the back of your neck and holds you up, claiming you as part of his task force now.*

(lol you probably can't do that irl but this is fiction sooo suck my ass.)

and laswell's just like no... they are very much still green john. way too green. no.

but it's too late. he's already introducing you to the task force. singing your praises and you're just like

"man he promised to pay off my student loans and give me food." basically how ur recruiter got ya ass.

enough said. you get the whole off the books speech, saving the world by doing things others wouldn't like. but u couldn't give a rats ass - you should but nah...

and like... you know you're the rookie... you're still green... but some of the shit 141 do you just...

"so you just gonna kidnap the wife AND the child...? right... kid, you wanna watch bluey? here..."

"and you do this often...? crazy."

but you don't exactly protest. how could you with how much you get paid. you kinda just side-eye and look away when it's geta a lil crazy. *bombastic side-eye*

and the other 141 guys - oh my days. become just as enormed as price and want to start really trying to amplify your skills. but every time, they start explaining how to do things - the best way to go about a situation or how to fight a certain way.

you pull this face. like your top lip pulls back, your eyebrows scrunch together, and there's a slight frown on your lips as they speak. like you look confused/disgusted. but you don't even realise cause-

"why're you pulling that face?" 141

"that's... that's just my focusing face..."

"oh..." 141 feels bad

then when they do take you in feild you're shaking your head no. like you haven't been around that long. what the fuck? now you're bout to infiltrate an enemy base!?!?!

"can i just wait in the car?"

"no." price

"i'm gonna vomit."

"aim at the enemy." ghost

people think that because you're suddenly in this badass task force that surely they're just using you for your assets.

they all think you're the 141 barracks bunny. and maybe you should be pissed or annoyed or grossed out. but all you can do is sigh and pause from the burger price got you, and let out a long exhale.

"fuck... maybe i can just do onlyfans or be a pornstar... shit maybe it's not too late..."

"military is bascially sex work - selling my body..."

"not that different from what i'm doing now. body being used, check. body sore in the strangest places, check."

your tone so empty, blank and nonchalant, but there's a serious look in your eyes that when you grab your phone out to maybe do a little research on how you could do that, your phone is snatched from your hand by one of the guys and they walk out the room without a second look back.

with an annoyed huff, you go back to eating your burger. but suddenly, you turn to the person who genuinely thought you were a barracks bunny.

"hey you think if i be a barracks bunny i get out of missions and shit?"

"...that's not how it works..." rando.

"fuck."

and maybe you try...

like you go to price's office and the guys are already in there, chatting about something that you should really pay attention too but you can't be assed. instead you unashamedly start to speak...

"if i suck ya'll dicks can i get out the mission?"

"no. you still have to join." gaz says amused

"even if you-" *que long sigh from price* "even if you suck our dicks."

"that's fucked up. i should've done porn."

and with the most hurt and broken-hearted look on your face, you leave the office, closing the door with a dramatic sigh. the guys just stare at the door in... confusion, amusement, and maybe arousal if ya'll dig that

idk man just gimmie more soldier!reader who just really ain't the fucked, there for money, lowkey hungry and doesn't know what the fuck is happening. kinda a pet or little sibling energy that the 141 love.

bonus*

"wait so they aren't sucking our dicks?" *soap says getting slapped in the back of the head by ghost

a/n: brain is rottinnggg. i should be doing so much other shit but... cod just consumes my brain 24/7

[horangare]

my babysitter’s a vampire

pairing : vampire!hoshi x human!reader

content : smut (mdni), strangers to ???

in which : your parents hired a babysitter after deeming you as the “irresponsible” older sibling. when someone who isn’t junhui shows up in his place, you’re instantly captivated by this handsome stranger and his shiny white teeth.

warnings : grinding, fingering, finger sucking, big dick soonyoung, blood, mentions of a knife and minimal bodily harm (you cut your finger), unprotected sex (but mentions of birth control, be safe either way), cocky soonyoung (ugh i want him so bad), you threaten him with a fork, bff!chaeryeong, dirty talk, pet names, bulge kink (i think that’s everything but pls let me know if i forgot anything)

wc : 4.8K words

note : look y’all i am the youngest of four sisters so idk if my portrayal of a younger brother is a good one but…this is for u hoshi nation horanghae.

“What do you mean?! I don’t need a babysitter!”

Your mom sighed deeply, searching her jewelry box for her matching earring. “I’m sorry honey, but you do. Your sister clearly isn’t responsible enough.” You rolled your eyes, but remained quiet. “And I know Junhui’s mom. She says he’s a very nice boy who’s good with children.”

Ever since you and Chaeryeong shut yourselves in your room to rewatch Girl From Nowhere for the millionth time again and speculate if there would really be a third season, (Chaeryeong insisted there would be, while you thought the opposite) the fact that you were supposed to be babysitting your younger brother had completely slipped your mind. When your parents returned from their date, they pulled into the driveway only to find Leo out there screaming his head off.

After that, you were quickly deemed “irresponsible” by your parents and no longer allowed to be Leo’s babysitter. What did they want you to do? You couldn’t spend all summer break looking after the little brat. Anyway, it’s not like that was the part that bothered you, but the fact that you couldn’t talk or beg her out of it either.

“Mom, come on! I’m eight and a half now! I can pretty much babysit myself!” Leo crossed his arms over his chest, standing in the doorway so your mother couldn’t leave the room without giving him, in all his childhood glory, the explanation he felt he so richly deserved.

“It’s too late. Junhui is already on his way and we’ve already paid him.” She leaned down, kissing him on the forehead. “Promise me you’ll be good.”

Your brother glanced to the side, like he was actually considering not being on his best behavior, before nodding and smiling at your mom. “I promise.” What a little shit.

“That’s my boy. And the same goes for you, [Y/n]. Chaeryeong over but she cannot stay the night. Am I clear?”

You smiled, not even bothering to make it seem real or genuine. “Crystal clear, mom. Have fun with dad.”

“Yeah, yeah. We should be back at around eleven.” Your mom mumbled, making her way down the stairs and to the front door where your dad was waiting. You followed behind her, mostly so you could slam the door in a pitiful act of retaliation and lock it shut until your friend arrived, but also because you wanted to see what this Junhui kid looked like up close.

You’d seen him maybe once or twice before around campus or at the cute little coffee shop you frequented, but you had never gotten a close hard look at his face before. Some of your friends knew him, according to them he was kind of weird, but made up for it with his sense of humor. Maybe he could keep you some decent company before Chaeryeong showed up.

The boy on the other side of the door was not Junhui. At least, you didn’t think so. This boy was a little shorter, a little blonder, and a lot finer than you’ve ever seen Junhui look.

“Oh! Hello, are you…Junhui?” Your mom asked, raking her eyes over the boy standing before her.

“Hi. No, sorry, Jun couldn’t make it. I’m Soonyoung, I’m a friend of his. Can I come in?”

“Oh, sure. Leo? Your babysitter’s here!”

“He’s so hot. And he’s totally your type, don’t you think?”

“Chaeryeong, please!” You slapped your hand over her mouth, earning a dirty look from the girl standing beside you. She was right, this Soonyoung guy was super good looking, but she didn’t have to say it out loud. He was still a stranger after all. A hot one, but a stranger nonetheless, and it was only normal for you to have your reservations. “He’s not even the guy who’s supposed to be here. Junhui was supposed to be Leo’s babysitter. He says he’s his friend.”

Chaeryeong rolls her eyes, not understanding what your problem was. “I wouldn’t be complaining if I were you. Look, even Leo likes him.”

You and Chaeryeong watched from the kitchen island as Soonyoung helped Leo with his homework in the living room, and it’s the first time you’ve ever seen your brother smile while doing homework. Neither of you could hear what they were saying, for some reason you doubted it was about fractions—fractions were not funny.

The longer you observed them—mostly Soonyoung—the more you realized how right your friend was. He was fine. Really fine. It’s like there was some kind of aura around him, something almost otherworldly.

That’s when you started to stare. Like the hard, not even blinking type of stare. Soonyoung turned his head over his shoulder, the two of you making eye contact in what felt like the most awkward way ever. He smiled at you though, which made your cheeks feel embarrassingly warm, before giving his attention back to your brother. Chaeryeong, having watched the entire exchange, grinned while looking you up and down.

“You’re staring.” She mumbled.

Feeling like a stubborn child about to throw a tantrum, you narrowed your eyes and pouted. “Was not.”

Your friend was no doubt satisfied with herself, cooing at you and cupping your face with her hands to squish your cheeks together. “Denial is not a good look for you. Come on,” she released your face to pat you on the shoulder. “let’s go watch a movie before I leave.”

Looking back at the living room, you saw your brother sitting on the couch alone with no signs of Soonyoung. Some babysitter, you thought, leaving the kid he’s supposed to be looking after alone. How could your parents leave someone so irresponsible in charge of your brother?

Oh, wait…

“Just wait for me in my room. I’ve gotta use the bathroom.” She nodded, heading upstairs to your room while you made your way to the bathroom in the hall and swinging open the door.

“What the fuck?” Soonyoung shouted, tearing his eyes away from the mirror above the bathroom sink to look at you. Gasping, you took a step back from him.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know—” You started to apologize, glancing behind him into the mirror and you froze. The spot where his reflection should be was empty. You took another step back.

“You didn’t know…what?”

If you weren’t so scared right now, you would’ve definitely been offended by the way he was speaking to you like you owed him an explanation for wanting to use the bathroom in your house. You looked at him, then the mirror once more, trying to make it as subtle as possible.

“Uh…nothing! So sorry again.” You said, laughing awkwardly to diffuse the tension and backing away from him far enough until you were close enough to retreat up the stairs and to your room. Chearyeong, seated comfortably in your bed, snapped her head away from her phone to see you clutching your chest and panting.

“Woah, what happened?” She asked as she sat upright. “Why do you look like you just ran a marathon?” With one of your hands, you gestured that you needed more time to catch your breath before taking a deep breath and stepping closer to the bed.

“He doesn’t have a reflection.”

Chaeryeong raised one of her eyebrows. “The babysitter? Are you sure?”

“Yes, of course I’m sure! He was in front of the bathroom mirror but the mirror was, like, empty!”

You could tell she wasn’t really sure whether you were telling the truth or not, making you groan and cover your face with your hands. “I’m really fucking serious! There’s something wrong with him, Chaeryeong!”

A heavy sigh sounded from Chaeryeong’s place on your bed. “I don’t know…what kind of person doesn’t have a reflection?”

“All humans have reflections,” you shrugged, your head tilted as your mind considered each and every possibility. “maybe he isn’t human.”

Chaeryeong snorted and rolled her eyes. “What is he then? A vampire?” The comment was definitely meant to be a joke given the way she’d said it, but the way your eyes widened and jaw drop was all too serious. “Oh my god, is he really a vampire?”

You looked around your room frantically, feeling the smallest bit of relief when you saw your laptop resting on your beside table. Chaeryeong made room for you in the bed, watching as your fingers flew over the keys.

How to identify a vampire.

“Asks to be invited into your home…no reflection…powerful presence or aura,” you skimmed over the first three bullet points shown before you and felt your mouth go dry. Soonyoung, so far, was definitely fitting the description of a vampire.

“Look,” Chaeryeong pointed to the next bullet point and read it aloud. “When a person is injured, make sure to find out if their focus is more on the injured person or the injury itself.” You looked at her, unsure of what his point was. Nobody in the house had been injured?

“Yeah, so?”

“So we’ve gotta injure you.” She scoffed, a little confused as to how you weren’t following her crazy thought process.

You leaned away from her. “What? Why does it have to be me?”

“You’re the one that wants to prove it so bad, aren’t you?” It was hard to argue with that one, you were the one who brought it up in the first place. You grumbled and slammed your laptop shut.

“Fine! But if we do all this and he ends up being just some guy I’m expecting a very long apology from you.”

Chaeryeong just smiled brightly at you. “Yes, ma’am.”

Soonyoung had brought Leo up to bed much earlier than he thought he would; your brother mumbled something about using all his brainpower on the fractions, and Soonyoung had laughed and tucked him into the covers. When he returned downstairs, he noticed the kitchen lights were on. Once he reached the bottom, he could see Chaeryeong holding your quivering body in the kitchen, a knife and an apple discarded on the kitchen island.

“What happened?” He asked, the faintest hint of worry in his voice.

The truth of what happened is quite simple; you and Chaeryeong snuck down here while Soonyoung was putting Leo to bed, she gave you a small (but still painful) cut on your index finger, and now you were standing here trying to sell it.

“[Y/n] was gonna split this apple with me, but I totally forgot how awful she is with knives. I think she cut her finger open, does it look bad?” Chaeryeong grabbed your wrist, holding your now opened hand closer to Soonyoung’s face. The blood had pooled where the cut was and started to streak down your finger. He sucked in a breath, struggling to look away from it.

“Y-Yeah, it looks pretty bad.” Soonyoung gulped, watching the red liquid falling down past your knuckles. He licked his lips, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by you, and you pulled your finger away. Then and only then did Soonyoung look at you in the eyes again.

“Everything okay? You seemed kind of distracted.” You tilted your head to the side. “You seemed really focused on the blood, don’t you think?”

Soonyoung scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Oh please, I was not.” You and Chaeryeong exchanged a look, and you held up your bleeding finger in front of his face again. Soonyoung’s focus shifted once more, his eyes zeroing in on the streak of blood that was beginning to go dry. You turned away to rinse it under the sink and shook off the water once it was all washed away.

“Yeah, okay.” Chaeryeong said, reaching into her pocket and handing you a band-aid. “So you’re a vampire, right?”

To say the least, Soonyoung seemed shocked and offended that you had caught him so easily, as if he hadn’t been the most obvious vampire ever. “What? A vampire? Please, how could you ever think that?” It was almost pathetic how he was actually trying to convince you otherwise when the evidence was already there, maybe he actually thought he could wiggle his way out of this.

“Look, we already know. Just drop it.” You sighed, and Soonyoung did the same.

“Aw, mannnnnnn.” He whined. “What gave it away?”

“Do you really want us to answer that?” Chaeryeong asked him, her voice riddled with sarcasm. Soonyoung looked down and mumbled the word “no,” and Chaeryeong nodded pointedly. “Thought so.”

So you were right. Soonyoung was a vampire. He was also your little brother’s babysitter. It’s funny, you could’ve sworn you’ve seen a show like this before a really long time ago, one whose name wasn’t coming to mind right now. Whatever, back to the main point. Soonyoung was a vampire.

“Why are you here?” You questioned him, holding up a fork to his neck. “Are you gonna kill us?”

“Woah, um, first of all,” He closed his hands around yours and lowered it, and you noticed how cold he felt. Probably another vampire thing. You snatched your hand away, and he seemed confused, but shook his head and continued on. “That silver thing? It’s just a myth. Second of all, why would I wanna kill you? It’s not like your parents wouldn’t notice. Not to mention we don’t go feeding on people randomly, consent is a thing, you know.” You could’ve laughed at that. A creature that survived off of draining the blood of others caring about their right to say no seemed ironic.

“And anyway, did you seriously expect to kill me with a fork?”

Chaeryeong burst into laughter, though she tried to play it off by coughing when she saw you glaring at her. “Sorry…” She picked up the fork and the knife and dumped them back into the silverware drawer to prevent you from making any more threats against Soonyoung. Your parents also didn’t trust you with metal utensils for…reasons similar to this.

You rolled your eyes. “So what happened to Junhui? Why couldn’t he come?”

The blond shrugged. ���I dunno, he said that he was feeling sick, so he asked me to come in his place. Does that really matter?”

“Of course it matters! I don’t want some freaky undead creature looking after my little brother!” You retorted, raising your voice just a little. He might’ve been against eating people, but that didn’t change the fact that he was still a monster.

“[Y/n], that’s kinda…” Soonyoung held up one of his hands, signaling for Chaeryeong to stop talking.

“How do you know Jun isn’t a vampire?” He tilted his head as he asked that, then pursed his lips while he waited for your answer.

So he was a vampire and a smart-ass. Great.

“I don’t know!” You turned your head away from him. “This is just…freaky. I didn’t know vampires could be so—”

“Witty? Handsome? Charming? I know, I get that all the time.”

“Stupid.”

Chaeryeong laughed again.

Soonyoung raised one of his eyebrows. “Stupid guys must be your type then. Well, according to Chaeryeong, if I heard correctly.”

You looked at him, eyes wide. “You heard all that?” Soonyoung nodded, smiling when he noticed the way you reacted.

“Every single word. You know, maybe you should do more research.” He flicked you on the forehead and grinned when you let out a yelp of pain.

“Anyway.” Chaeryeong mumbled. “It’s getting late, my sister is on her way to get me. Good luck with…” She gestured between Soonyoung and you. “whatever you’ve got going on.” She reached forward and grabbed the discarded apple from its place on the island and padded upstairs to get her stuff from your room.

A gleeful smile crept its way onto his lips as he turned his head to look at you. “She’s leaving. You know what that means, it’ll just be me and you once she’s gone.”

“If you try anything, I will go get the fork. I don’t care if it kills you or not.”

He laughed, and the sound echoed through the kitchen. It was weird, he didn’t sound or look like an evil blood-sucking monster. He just looked and sounded…normal. And a little shiny.

“Later [Y/n]! Bye Soonyoung. Have fun!” Chaeryeong waved to you from the stairs. You replied with a goodbye of your own, and Soonyoung hummed, listening for the sound of the door closing shut before turning you around and pushing you against the island.

You gasped. “What are you doing?” The way you squirmed in his hold was amusing to Soonyoung, acting as if you could get away. You were so cute, thinking you could get away from him. This would be more enjoyable than he thought.

“I don’t understand why you’re so afraid of me. I can make you feel so good, baby.” You scoffed, the sound turning into a low moan when he started grinding his hard cock against your ass.

“I’m not afraid of you,” The shakiness in your voice poked a hole in your believability, but Soonyoung didn’t think too much of it. He lowered his head to the side of your neck, pressing a kiss to your pulse point before licking a stripe up the side of your neck. You shivered with a horrible realization; you liked it.

“Mmm, then maybe you like me. Is that why your heart is beating so fast?” You could feel him smiling against your skin.

A whine echoed through the kitchen. Your whine. “Wait, my parents…”

You gasped a second time when Soonyoung turned you so you were facing him, and you watched him roll his eyes with that annoying smile plastered on his face. “Oh, them? They’re coming home late. Your mom locked the keys in the car, so they’ll be a while.” Just when you were about to respond, he turned you around again, the feeling of his breath on your neck making you shiver. “So just focus on me, got it?”

His hands traveled over your body, stopping to squeeze your chest or your ass. You should’ve been embarrassed with how you reacted so eagerly to his touch, but he was actually making you feel good. Well, whatever. It’s not like you’d actually let him know—

“I can get rid of these, right?” He hooked his fingers underneath the waistband of your pajama pants, pulling them down along with your underwear the second you gave him a nod of confirmation. The fabric drops down your legs and pools at your feet and you kicked it aside. Soonyoung reached between your legs, collecting the wetness between them and holding it up to your face, fingers glistening with your arousal. “Look how wet you are for the freaky undead creature. You like this, don’t you?”

“N-no. I don’t like this or you.” Even though you said all that and shook your head, Soonyoung could tell you didn’t mean it. He reached between your legs again, this time to ease one of his fingers inside of you.

“The way you’re moaning for me says otherwise.” As he said that, he pushed another one of his fingers past your walls and eliciting another one of those not so subtle sounds from you that he loved. You didn’t even have to see him to know that he was pleased with himself getting you all worked up like this.

He was arrogant. He was full of himself. He was a smug bastard. He was all of that and more, and it was making you weak in the fucking knees.

Three of his fingers were inside of you now, stretching you so good that it made your head spin, and you bucked your hips against his hands like you’ve never been touched a day in your life.

God, you’d never live this down.

You bit your lip so that he didn’t get the satisfaction of hearing how you were falling apart over his fingers, or how good it felt when he curled them inside of you just right, or how he had your legs shaking every time he reached your sweet spot. As if he needed the vocal confirmation (he heard the noises you were making regardless), the way you were trembling was pretty much a dead giveaway.

“You know, you still owe me a little blood.”

“What?” You turned your head as much as you could to look at him over your shoulder. Soonyoung’s eyes were darker than they were before, his hunger evident through his gaze.

How could you owe him blood? What did that even mean?

“You owe me some blood,” he repeated. “Waving your finger around in my face and refusing me a taste. You have no idea how worked up you got me all over that flimsy little cut.”

Judging by how his dick was still poking you, you seriously doubted that.

You turned your head back around, not wanting him to see your face as you weighed your options. You didn’t really know what would happen if he did bite you. Would it hurt? Would it feel good?

Only one way to find out.

“Just…do it fast.” You tilted your head to give him better access to your neck. Soonyoung smiles wide—not like you could see it, but you were imagining that he was in this situation. He withdraws his fingers from their place inside you, much to your dismay, but he’s now holding them to your lips. He groans when you open your mouth and allows him to slip his fingers in and mumbling something that you can’t pick up over the sound of your thumping heartbeat.

“It shouldn’t hurt too much, but let me know if I need to stop.”

He pressed a quick kiss to the spot on your neck that he was sinking his fangs into no more than a second later, giving you no time to process his little act of intimacy. It stung for a moment, but what followed the initial sting of pain was the most intense and overwhelming sense of pleasure.

Soonyoung moans with absolutely no shame when your blood fills his mouth. He’s never tasted anyone as good as you, and he realizes that he could quickly become addicted to you. Your sounds, your blood, your pussy, each and every part of you inside and out was intoxicating.

You wrap your hands around his wrist and pull his fingers out of your mouth, wanting to have him hear your next words clearly. “Fuck me…please.”

He nearly chokes when you ask him that, forcing himself to pull away just so he can ask you to repeat yourself. He licks the remnants of your blood from his lips and your wound so that it’ll seal. “Anything for you, sweetheart.”

Clearly your expectations for him were still far too high, because instead of taking you to bed or at least the couch, he had you laid on the kitchen floor. Yeah, you’re definitely never living this down.

And yet despite all this, you can’t help but drool when you finally got to see Soonyoung’s cock beyond the confines of his sweatpants. He looks down at you, smirking, and despite your heightened arousal you still feel an urge to kick his cocky little ass.

“Can you get down here before I change my mind?”

He waves at you dismissively as if he hadn’t been the one all over you. “Need a condom. Got one on you?”

You roll your eyes. “I’m clean and on the pill. Come on, just fuck me already, oh my—”

Soonyoung happily lowered himself onto the floor, his lips on yours as he guided himself inside of you inch by inch. He tasted like your blood, obviously, but there was an also a faint taste of pink starburst too. Something he probably got from Leo, no doubt. The combination was weird, but somehow you figured it suited him.

“God. So f-fucking big, Soonie!”

Gone is the last bit of your composure with Soonyoung’s cock buried inside of you, blurting out any thought that came to your head against his lips.

“Shhh, not so loud, baby,” he whispers. “Wouldn’t want to have your bother wake up and find out what a slut you are, would you?” Yeah right, you think. Leo could sleep through anything, including you getting dicked down by his babysitter. But getting called a slut by him in that sickly sweet way had you clenching around him. “Fuck, warn me if you’re gonna do that.”

“Like I knew it would happen.” You hissed, making him laugh. He found this back and forth thing going on between the two of you fun, especially when he could get you so worked up and vice versa.

He waited until your body had relaxed to start moving, having to keep one of his hands over your mouth each time he thrusted into you because despite what he’d said earlier you just couldn’t seem to stop yourself. It wasn’t your fault that the kitchen was so echoey or that Soonyoung was giving it to you so fucking good.

“You’re such a cute little thing,” He laughed breathily into your neck. “I loved how much of a fight you put up for me baby. Now look at you. You’re mine.”

“All—ah—yours,” your words were muffled by his hands, but he understood you perfectly. The embarrassment you felt earlier was gone, completely replaced with thoughts of him and his cock splitting you open right here on the floor.

You felt him nod, “Mhm, you’re all mine, and I’m all yours. God, wish I could just fuck this sweet little pussy forever.”

A laugh managed slipped past your lips and he finally moved his hand away from your mouth. “You can say that?”

“God? Duh.” He sneered, becoming more and more aware of just how clueless you really were about vampire culture. “Can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you right now.”

You were just about to say something else when Soonyoung changed the angle of his hips, slamming into you even deeper than before. Your back arched, chest pressed to his, and a second later you let out a frustrated groan.

“You still fucking suck.”

“I’m glad you noticed.”

He opts for a faster pace after that, spurred on by the way you close your eyes and babble his name over and over again as if it’s the only word you can say. He’s so desperate to cum, to get you to cum, to have him be the only thing on your mind when you make a mess of yourself all over him. He whispers for you to keep your eyes closed, taking your wrist in his hand and bringing it to your stomach.

“Can you feel me? Right…” He moves your hand around a little before he finds the correct place, “here?” Blindly, you press down on the spot, and your eyes shoot open. He’s so, so deep, you can’t keep it together anymore.

“F-Fuck, feels so good,” your breath hitches at the end of the sentence. “Need more…”

“Yeah? Pretty baby needs more?” Soonyoung raises one of your legs over his shoulders and you swear you start seeing stars with the way he’s fucking you. “You’re so t-tight, sweetheart. Gonna cum?”

“Mmm, yeah, so c-close. Make me cum, Soonie, need it so bad.”

Soonyoung lifts his head so that he can kiss you, only breaking it to quickly mumble the words “me too” before his lips are back on yours and his finger is rubbing your clit until your body goes limp beneath his and he feels you squeezing him so tight it triggers his own orgasm, slowing the speed of his thrusts as he floods your pussy with his cum.

Your head feels fuzzy, and you barely register the feeling of him pulling out or lifting himself off of you while you lay there and catch your breath. “Soonyoung?”

There’s no immediate response, and it makes you confused as to why. You try to lift yourself off the floor but the soreness hasn’t quite subsided, so you’ve no choice but to stay put. “Yeah, just leave me on the floor. Not like I need your help or anything.”

“Well excuse me for not wanting you to be all sticky.” He huffs, wiping the insides of your thighs with a damp washcloth, then proceeding to wipe down the floor and the top of the island.

“I’m still on the floor, Soonyoung.”

Smiling, he helps you to stand and even manages to get you back into your underwear and pajama pants. He won’t stop looking at you like he has something to say. Maybe, for once, it’s something important.

“What?”

“You wanna go again? I’ve still got a ton of energy.” You rolled your eyes. Of course he did. “Oh come on, I know you liked it.”

“That’s it, I’m getting the fork.”

[bambisnc]

dreams come true? i sure hope they don’t. [ft. h.yj]

pairing : han yujin x f!reader <3 genre : so so crack. + lil bit fluffy cw/tw : uneditted + beverage mention + lmk if there r more sobs wc : 0.6k !! <3

“wait so let me get this straight- you like someone.. and instead of doing anything rational, or god forbid even half-normal about it; you’re trying out wikihow rituals to manipulate her dreams?!”

yujin at least has the decency to look sheepish. yeah okay so maybe he did have a crush on a certain someone, namely you, and yeah maybe he was a little too anxious to approach you.

and.. yeah maybe he happened to come across an article which taught him how to alter your dreams via a simple ritual. 

writing out the name of your ~beloved~ along with a detailed description of the dream you wished for them to have on a piece of paper, place 9 orange and purple streaked moonstones on it and crumpling up the paper – was, as the site declared confidently, enough to be able to make yourself a constant presence in the dreams of whomever you wished.

as long as he remembered to loudly announce the exact minutes for which he’d known the aforementioned beloved before starting, that is.

well, yujin thought, it seemed harmless enough.

except some part of him did consider it necessary to do a couple of trial runs. he wouldn’t want you to start having dreams of, say, student council member ahn yujin or that new girl choi yujin who had been a little too friendly with you these past few days. there were a lot of yujin’s around weren't there..

which is what lead to you having a series of rather odd dreams. and the subsequent amount of time you spent lowkey freaking out about them. 

“gyuvin i swear i wasn’t even thinking about greek gods at all before i fell asleep,” you vent to him one day at lunch, “but i was somehow a mermaid god or something?? AND hades, you know, the god of the underworld, was kinda beefing with me for no reason?!”

your friend who is unfortunately sworn to secrecy by yujin tries his best to distract you, “c’mon dreams are contractually meant to be weird; stop overthinking it! and besides-”

“BUT LISTEN when i woke up the first audio i heard, i think some video that yujin sent me, was about greek gods!! this has happened way too many times for me to put it off as a coincidence!!”

“i think you’re just delusional (like some other people i know..)”

you simply sigh out, “sorry, what was that?” not too willing to expend more energy in trying to convince him that your problem is very valid; and he’s just being very unsupportive of you right now.

"..." you suppose you'll have to make peace with the fact that your subconscious was probably just in a silly phase.

-

distant sounds of students leaving after evening classes, rustling of trees with a gentle breeze.. and a flick to your forehead?!

your eyes flutter open, more than eager to chastise whoever had thought it okay to break your comfortable reverie. but when your gaze lands on him, han yujin, you feel your complaints dying down. he’s holding out your favorite beverage to you; a soft smile adorning his face. 

before you can let out a single word though, there’s.. another flick to your forehead?? what do people have against you..

your eyes flutter open (again?), more than eager to reprimand whoever thought it okay to break your .. wait had you been dreaming just now? 

you find yourself with your cheek resting against a table. the one who flicked your forehead yet again appears to be yujin. 

his eyes seem to twinkle slightly as he says, “i thought we were going to get our science assignment done yn? or did you plan on doing it while asleep? i so did not expect this from yo-”

“hey.,” you interrupt, “han yujin. you’re free now right? wanna go on a date with me?”

safe to say that you received a very positive response, especially with his now-flustered appearance.

gyuvin really should learn to keep his mouth shut, huh?

notes : @mellowdyverse MAIIII here u go love <3 i hope this wasnt horrific im struggling tm w writers block + [m.list] + woah the coloured text is going crazyy js ignore that hehe <3 song rec : nightwalker by ten tho. it has nothing 2 do w this but its so yumi likee

[sideeve]

SELF CONTROL ⭑ MILES MORALES

⭑ maybe love isn’t the only thing that can keep someone tied to you .

miles morales x f!reader

part 1 — part 2

⭑ miles’ pov , cheating , normal spider-man violence , the spot , miles attempting to win reader back , major spoilers for atsv , arguing

miles’ pov

every thing was stressing him out. fighting with spot wasn’t helping either. while basically punching himself, he was trying to text his parents that he would be a little late.

“can we finish this later? i have a meeting with my parents!” miles yells, trying to web the villain to the wall.

“no! we cannot! i have to kill the thing that-wait! we’re not finished here!” spot attempts to wiggle out of the webs keeping him stuck.

“i’ll catch you later.”

with the spot “done”, miles finally had a moment to breathe. he got a message from you.

mrs. morales 💓 : miles. where r u? ur parents keep asking me and idk what to say😭

mr. morales 🕷️ : just tell them i’ll be there in a moment. had to pick up the cakes :)

he huffs.

everyone needed him at the exact same time. from juggling the responsibility as spider-man and being a boyfriend and son, school. he couldn’t do it all.

his hand slide down his face. “if only gwen were here right now. she’d know what to do.” he looks down at the boxes of cake in his hands before making his way to his apartment.

grounded. for two months. just because he couldn’t tell his parents that he’s spider-man. rage filled in his body. no one understood him. no one. but her.

fuck! he shouldn’t be thinking about her. he has a girlfriend! one that lives him to death too.

but him and gwen are just friends…right?

that thought leads him here. an inch of space left between him and gwen. he would make a mistake tonight that he would gravely regret.

“¡miles! ponte aquí ahora mismo.”

his mouth pulls him out of his trance he gasps out of shock. what the hell was he doing? why is he kissing someone else? where is his girlfriend? what is he going to do?

his eyes looked blown out. thoughts clouded his head, making him unresponsive. “i’m not going to call for you again.” the party fell silent, looking at miles in disbelief.

he didn’t even say a word to gwen nor his mom. he just ran as fast as he could (while also swinging) to you.

out of breath, he knocked on your door.

"hey babe. my mom wanted me to check on you. she said you left early." he lied. he just wanted to know if you knew what he did. "we're done. i can't be with a cheater."

fuck!

"baby. you don't understand-" "go!" you slammed the door in his face. he heard you sobbing behind the door. his heart broke.

what did he do?

he walked home like a kicked puppy. he lost the only one he loved. once he opened his house door, his parents stood in front of him, arms crossed and disappointed. "mama, i-" "no, go to your room. and make it 4 months."

he wasn't even upset, he understood why he was in this situation. he had hurt you. and there was no way to take it back.

cut to when miles meets miguel

"every spider person has lost someone close to them. that is what makes us who we are." miguel stands before miles, making him look small. the holograms of spidermen and women crouching over their loved one's dead bodies. then there was him. crouching over you.

"my canon event is my girlfriend dying?" "ex-girlfriend. and yes. i'm sorry miles. but this can't be changed." every ounce of rage when to his fists. "no! it can't be her! i gotta save her."

“miles. you know we can’t let you do that.” a disk slides under him, creating a force field around him.

“miguel! that’s enough!” the yelling from the spider society was overwhelming him. ontop of the fact that you are going to die.

in his arms.

[yumeka-sxf]

My thoughts on Spy x Family: EYES ONLY Guidebook (English ver) - part 2

Continuing from my previous post about the English version of the SxF manga guidebook "EYES ONLY," today I'll be going over Endo's interviews, as well as showing my favorite "fun" page spreads!

Endo's interviews with his editor Lin and other manga-ka

First off, let's address the elephant in the room: as some of you may have heard, a horrendous clickbait article was released a while back citing an interview from this book (when it was only in Japanese). The article claims that Endo states in the interview that he doesn't like Anya or any of the other SxF characters. Thankfully u/fuyukochii on Reddit had provided an unofficial translation of the interview, so most fans were able to see that this article was bogus. And now we have the official translation as further proof...

Lin, Kato, and Amu are teasing Endo about the fact that he tends to not draw handsome men ("ikemen") in his series. So when he finally did with Loid's design, they joking applaud this big sacrifice he made, to which Endo replies (again, jokingly) that this compromise to his preferred style is why he has no emotional attachment to his characters. Again, all the "laugh" and "clap" interjections in this exchange make it clear that they're all joking around. The article took this statement of his completely out of context and twisted the "no attachment" wording to mean total dislike. It's unfortunate, but false information gets published like this all the time, and often for more dire issues than a manga fanbook. But it seems like a lot of fans didn't fall for the clickbait, which is good. And now everyone who reads the book officially in English can see that there's no way someone like Endo who has such dedication to his craft could downright dislike it.

Moving on, I totally agree with Nishimori, Kato, and Amu's praise for Endo's work in the below exchanges…

The trait SxF has that they convey here is "balance:" balance between making its world believable, with enough serious conflict so that we care about what's at stake, but at the same time, stretching the veil of realism a bit to have comedic moments. There's also great balance to the characters in that none of them are totally good or totally bad, but because we know what's going on in their world and why they do the things they do (like what Nishimori mentioned about the scene with Loid), we can still sympathize with them.

Going along with that thought, Endo's responses on the below page further illustrates his balance between "dark" and "comedic."

I like how he says that he's not interested in grotesque violence as much as dark themes of the psychological kind…the dark side of humanity more than visual depictions of violence. We can see this in how he portrays the serious moments in SxF where, instead of showing actual horrific scenes of war, the focus is instead on the psychological impacts that war has had on the characters. Likewise, he mentions how perhaps "the comedic nature of their (the characters') daily lives is rooted in the severity of their reality." It's said that within comedy there's often some form of tragedy, and I think SxF is a good example of this as so much of the comedy has its roots in the darker aspects of life, like the fact that the characters have to lie about their true identities. But at the same time, Endo mentions that he doesn't want to shy away from the sad reality of war, which was a big driver for why he made the cruise arc. And again, his intention was not to show any kind of "good vs evil" thing, but simply what motivates people to do extreme things in times of war. His quote about how he never intended to show the Forgers as a completely righteous family is something I knew about before and I think is very poignant. It harkens back to what I discussed before about balance and the fact that his characters aren't shown as completely good or completely bad.

On a related note, in the below comment, Endo acknowledges that Loid and Yor have "darker sides."

It's cool that he likes drawing those expressions. It seems like he makes a conscious decision to show their "darkness" at the right times.

It's also very interesting that so many elements of SxF were decided last minute, as mentioned on the below page.

I can't believe Anya being telepathic was decided on so late! Considering it's such a big player in the series' humor, that's very surprising. But Endo does admit on this same page that he hadn't planned out the story at all. Since he had only done short/one-shot series up to that point, I'm sure he wasn't expecting SxF to continue on that long. But once it became so popular, he had to keep fleshing out the story and characters, probably beyond what he originally thought. But considering how little he had come up with for the series initially, he's done a fantastic job keeping up its quality and continuity. It really was some crazy mix of timing, talent, and perhaps a bit of luck, that turned a series with no long-term planning and so many last minute decisions into such a hit.

Other parts of the interview highlight just how dedicated Endo is to his research and how he agonizes over the fact that he may have been inconsistent with something.

I also have to say that as I read through all of Endo's interviews and comments in this book, I admire how down-to-earth he is. Like, rather than sugarcoat things, he just says it like it is, for example, he said he doesn't reveal new character names that often because it's a hassle to come up with them (pg179), how he didn't give any thought to Anya's pink hair besides it being "cute" (pg181), how it's a lot of work to draw characters in a variety of clothes (pg178), and how the main emotion he feels with SxF getting an anime series is "tired" (pg174). But there's often a "laugh" interjection in many of these interview answers, so we know his comments aren't to be taken that seriously!

And here's his message to readers at the end of the interview. Definitely not the words of a man who dislikes his story and characters.

My favorite "fun" pages of the book

Since the Endo interviews were pretty heavy, I'll finish up this post with the lighter topic of highlighting my favorite funny page spreads in the book!

First off is a spread featuring all of Yor's cooking!

The sarcasm for these meal descriptions is hilarious, lol. And what was that dessert Yor made at the end of the cooking lesson chapter? Guess we'll never know.

The next spread from Anya's POV about her made-up spy group "P2" is absolutely adorable.

I love how they included all her mispronunciations of words. Also her calling Fiona "Agent Mean Lady," lmao!

And lastly, Yuri's collection of Yor photos (made with Anya's help!)

This is all just 4th-wall breaking fun as obviously no one was taking photos at these moments in canon, so Endo could just roll with the joke. Anya's inclusion in this whole gag is too good, from Yuri calling her an "unnamed collaborator" to her "Paparotsies, eat your heart out!" And I absolutely love her comment at the end about how she can't show Yuri some of Yor's less attractive expressions, lol. Pure SxF comedy gold.

I'll have one more post of EYES ONLY content coming soon, so stay tuned!

Continue to Part 3 ->

<- Return to Part 1

[sunnybyler]

i’ve been sitting on my thoughts for so long but i just have to get this off my chest. i don’t like to yuck ppls yum so if you like e/riel pls scroll away nd keep having your fun it’s not my problem. however some of y’all can get mean as HELL and as an elucien i have to get this off my chest. (also warning for gwynriels i’m with y’all i defend y’all here however i do go in a bit on az in this so fair warning). i truly have no idea why e/riels cling so hard to the azriel bonus chapter in acosf because that chapter, more than literally anything else in the series, proved to me that e/riel is absolutely NOT going to be endgame. let me explain:

1. it is explicitly stated that azriel did not think of his relationship with elain outside of a sexual nature. i think some ppl get kinda annoyingly puritanical when trying to make this point when it’s like 100% certain lucien had sexual thoughts of elain too. the point isn’t the thoughts themselves. the difference here is the explicit mention that he didn’t consider anything with her outside of that.

2. the point above ^ is further exacerbated by the fact that az did not give a flying fuck if he killed elain’s MATE. even if elain hasn’t accepted the bond, it would still be extremely painful for her based on what we’ve seen with rhys, feyre, and even rhys’s parents (who weren’t good for each other, yet we saw how rhys’s dad lost it when she died). now of course us lucien lovers know damn well he would never in a million years call a blood duel to try to claim elain (and fuck u rhys for saying that, i usually have your back but come ON you are not the only male who can respect their mate’s autonomy). but az doesn’t know that!? in fact seems to agree with rhys that he could. ppl argue on who would win that fight — my opinion hinges 100% on if powers are fully unleashed but that’s not the point at all. no matter WHO wins, elain is going to feel responsible for someone’s death. of course it wouldn’t be her fault if men decided to be fucking stupid, but with the little we know about elain shows that she would feel so guilty if that happened. but azriel doesn’t seem to give af that anyone fighting to the death over her is the last thing she would ever want. not only did az not think of elain outside his fantasies and therefore not fully care for her, but he doesn’t seem to even KNOW elain in this chapter. now, i could go in on this in acosf as a whole. but i’m keeping it to this chapter alone.

3. and further on THAT point, az doesn’t really give any reasoning on his interest in elain outside of this insane “three brothers/three sisters” thing he fully pulled out of his ass. tbh i almost thing this is sjm’s way of addressing the fan theories on that. now i get it to some extent from az’s pov — seeing his brothers happy with these sisters must fuck with your head after you’d all been bachelors together for 500 years. especially considering how he’s felt unworthy of love his whole life and this seems to support that insecurity of his. i get that it makes him feel ostracized from them, and that he’s now an outlier not being with an archeron. i get that. i do. i sympathize with him here. however that does not change the fact that he isn’t speaking of elain like she’s her own individual here — hell he fully calls her “the other”. i think part of this conversation was him being frazzled, i give him a bit more grace than some do (tho he pissed me off BAD in this scene), but we were fully in this man’s head. did he give us a full reason why he liked elain besides his brother’s mates and his sexual thoughts?? they would’ve at least crossed his mind when rhys was grilling them if sjm was trying to set up her next romance here. as it is, we have literally nothing to imply azriel actually likes elain herself and not the idea of being closer with his brothers.

4. az has kinda a habit of ignoring the reality of the women he’s attracted to in some way. he has his own version of them in his head that he puts on a pedestal. now i could do a whole psych eval on this man and how he thinks he’s unworthy of love and therefore only allows himself to have feelings for women he knows/thinks he can’t have. but to focus on this chapter alone, my points above ^ about how he doesn’t really think of elain outside his fantasies/bringing him closer to his brothers and not really understanding her pretty much wraps it up there. i mean he even talks about how he thinks his scarred hands don’t belong on her because she’s so perfect in his eyes. that’s not love, that’s obsession and it’s unhealthy. he clearly thinks himself below elain and ignores that she has her own flaws too.

5. aaaand i saved the biggest for (almost) last….. GWYN. this is a genuine GENUINE question. why in the fucking hell. would sjm make half the chapter focusing on az & gwyn if she was teasing e/riel. like that makes no sense. not to be annoying and mention chekhov's gun but that idea applies to relationships too. i’m sorry but she couldn’t be more explicit about her future romances. you could argue “oh well it’s because there’s gonna be a love triangle”. y’all. elain has. elain has a mate. there already IS a love triangle. there was absolutely no reason for her to bring gwyn into this chapter other than her preparing us for a future relationship, literally none. especially with all the romantic subtext (hell not even subtext, just TEXT). gwyn getting him to talk about himself so easily when he’s so quiet usually, him taking the idea of making her happy and he “buried the image down deep, where it GLOWED QUIETLY” (which SCREAMS mating bond to me but even if it’s not it’s clearly something he cherishes deeply), the SHADOWSINGERS SHADOWS SANG FOR HER!?

6. the fucking necklace regifting. oh it’s bad. OHHH ITS BAD. when the girls realize it’s gonna be SO messy but im hoping sjm doesn’t go the stupid cat fight route bc neither of them did anything wrong. az did. i’m sorry i’m dunking on him so much in this post i rlly don’t hate him i just think he needs like decades of therapy (which tbf don’t we all) which i unfortunately don’t think sjm is going to give him before giving him his romance. but even the biggest azriel lovers have to admit that this was insanity. a few points on it here. first, if it’s so easily regiftable then it couldn’t have been that well thought out in regards to elain. say what you will about lucien’s gifts, even argue that he gave her jewelry too. but elain was actually shown wearing pearls. az’s gift seemed shallow to me — it was something pretty, and elain’s pretty, and it had a flower, and elain gardens. it’s clear lucien put SO much more thought into his gifts, whether he succeeded or not (which i need to remind y’all — we still don’t know. maybe she liked the gifts maybe she didn’t, but regardless she acted the way she did bc of her feelings about the bond, not the gift). and azriel has spent so much more time with elain than lucien has. if that necklace really felt like elain to him, he could’ve kept it or returned it. but nope. buddy gave it to a whole other girl bc he could easily associate it with someone else. he clearly felt some special pull towards gwyn too, going out of his way to give it to her. he had ONE meaningful conversation with her. i already discussed the quote earlier that makes me think mating bond personally. but no matter what, him giving her the same gift he gave someone he was pursuing romantically is a clear sign of what’s to come (and probably a setup for some sort of drama that i don’t think im mentally ready for).

so there we have it! why i think that the bonus chapter thoroughly proves that e/riel is not going to be endgame. i honestly think it’s possible they might be a thing for a minute (tho i could also see this being the closing of that chapter), but i don’t think it’s going to last. sjm just gave us too many blatant hints that elain and az would NOT work together long term, and that azriel in particular is more suited for someone else. i might’ve missed some points bc there is SO much that goes down in this tiny chapter so lmk if there’s other stuff you picked up on!

[ponderingmoonlight]

Can I request geto suguru with prompt 29. After the last angst u wrote, I figured I want to be hurt more, maybe y/n confronts him again and tries to get him back (fails miserably) 😭😭 keep writing, ur writing is really good 👍

Thank you so much for that request, I just had to write that immediately! Hope I shatter your soul in a good way love, enjoy and let me know what you think ♡

Dying ray of sunshine Part ll

Pairing: Geto x fem!reader

Word Count: 2,5k

Synopsis: After searching for your former boyfriend Suguru for 10 years, he finally shows himself again at the Night Parade. You try your best to convince him back into your open arms, but it seems like the man you love is gone forever.

Warnings: hurt (obviously), injury, lanuage, death

It’s been a while since you last saw him. 10 years, 6 months and 9 days to be exact. Somehow you managed to carry on, found a job in the center of Tokyo, cut your hair a little shorter, met up with Satoru from time to time. You’re a grown woman now, absolutely stunning as some might say. On the surface, everything is going great for you. Expect for the fact that you never let a single man touch your soul after Suguru.

Sorry, just doesn’t work I guess.

You block the number of the random man you’ve met last night without balling an eye and straighten your posture. No one seems to mesmerize you like Suguru did. Along with Satoru, you searched for him over the last years, still eager to find him and talk everything out. You know that he has a tender heart, that even after all this time you will manage to get him back, your Suguru. The promise you made will come true. Sooner or later, you will track down the traces of horror he leaves behind. Deep down you know that he would never hurt or let alone kill you. Just a few words, that’s all you need.

The ringing of your phone disturbs your peace rudely. A look at the screen reveals that in fact Satoru is calling.

“You know I have to leave for work soon, don’t you?”

“(y/n), he was here”, Satoro breathes out.

Immediately you jump out of your chair, blood rushing through your ears as your heart nearly pounds out of your chest. You know exactly who he’s talking about. Suguru was at Jujutsu High? Why? Maybe he wanted to sort things out, maybe he had a conversation with Satoru, maybe…Maybe he asked about you.

“What did he say? Is he still with you? Why was he there? Were you able to convince him to come back to us? How is he? Does he look fine?”, you babble out, mind racing faster than your mouth can follow.

“(y/n)…I think you should pay me a visit. Don’t expect anything positive though…”

Your heart sinks immediately, a wave of disappointment and foreboding rushes over you just like ten years ago. Nothing positive means something really bad must have happened. But still, this is the first personal contact the two of you had with Suguru since he left that day. This has to be a good sign, right?   

“I’m coming right now”, you response hastily, put on your high heels and sprint down the halls with your car keys tinkling in your hand.

Jujutsu High isn’t far away from your home, but still the empty road feels like an eternity this day. You press your foot on the gas, don’t give a shit about the rain that starts to poor and the bad sight. He was there. Suguru was finally seen again, alive and speaking. You can’t help but shed a tear of joy while cruising down the street with enormous tempo. At some point you thought about giving him up, to stop searching for someone who doesn’t want to be found and who last told you that he wants to see you dead. But you never had the heart to call it quit, to simply throw all the time you’ve had together into the trash. This is your chance.

“Satoru!”, you cry out, dashing down the wet sidewalk into the center of Jujutsu High.

There he stands along with his students, all of them wearing thoughtful, anxious and competitive expressions. You are alarmed immediately. Satoru warned you, it is written on their faces that something pretty bad has happened.

“What’s going on?”, you breathlessly inquire, trembling hands pressed against your figure in order to stop you from shivering.

Your whole body seems to be electrified, still in absolute shock at this sudden opportunity.

“He was here. Suguru was here to announce war”, Satoru explains briefly, his gaze pinned to the grey sky above him.

“War?”

You can’t believe your ears. Is that the only reason he came here? To proclaim that he is going to take other innocent lives? You feel like fading, suddenly a breath-taking nausea overcomes you. This is not the Suguru you know, he’d never do that. Absolutely impossible.

“This has to be a misunderstanding, we both know that-“

“Sorry (y/n), it wasn’t. Apparently he doesn’t even stop at jujutsu sorcerers anymore…”

“B-But…This means he’ll come back, right? I will talk to him, I’m sure there’s a way to convince him to stop. After all, I was his girlfriend for so many years! I’m sure he’ll listen to me!”, you desperately try to convince Satoru.

“Ain’t no way I’ll take you to the battlefield. Forget that, (y/n). You’ll stay here, at Jujutsu High. I will talk to him first. Only when I can be sure that he won’t hurt you I will come and get you, understood? As a non-jujutsu sorcerer, you are completely at his mercy. I won’t lose you too.”

You can feel Satoru’s tense gaze eyeing you up and down while you urgently try to hold back tears. Of course he’s right, you know all too well that Suguru’s heart is clouded by grief and rage. He could kill you in a heartbeat before even recognizing that it’s you. But still, the thought of sitting here and waiting for Satoru’s call while your boyfriend is out there slaughters you from the inside. You waited 10 fucking years for this moment. How long do you have to wait until you can finally embrace him in your arms again, until you are reunited and get your well-deserved happy ending? It is so frustrating – hunting down the shell of the person you love most in this entire word and then not being able to talk this out.

“Did he ask about me?”

Your voice is a fade whisper, close to breaking like the finest glass. There is nothing you want more than to embrace him into your arms again, to feel his broad chest against your fingertips and let his delicious scent tingle your nose. Satoru’s heart breaks at the way you stare into the ground, the tears you try to hold back so badly glistering in your eyes. He can’t help but pull you into his arms, gently caressing your back just like he did on that fateful day that took your spark away.

“He asked me if you’re still around. I told him that you are searching for him”, Satoru whispers into your ear, making your heart shudder in hopefulness.

So he does care about you. After all the things that happened after the night ten years ago, you are still on his mind. Yes, this is a good sign. That means that he does in fact remember his feelings towards you, the beautiful moments you both shared.

“I will bring him back, Satoru.”

______________________________________________________________

“See ya, watch out for the little ones, (y/n)!”

“You’ll probably have to watch out for me, I’m no use when it comes to curses. Hopefully I’m not in your way”, you admit towards Maki and Yuta.

The boy in front of you smiles kindly at you while shaking his head.

“Oh please, don’t be so hard on yourself! You are a very impressive and strong woman, Gojo-sensei talks only positively about you!”

“I’m not able to see curses either, don’t let that stop or bring you down.”

A kind smile is plastered on your face, heart warmed by their kind words. It seems like Satoru is doing his job very well, apparently. You definitely need to tell him that when all of this is over.

“I’ll go back inside”, the girl named Maki announces, turns on her heels and leaves.

“Do you want to join?”, Yuta asks friendly towards you.

“Oh no, thank you. I will wait here.”

And with that, you are alone. Only you and the soft breeze that strokes your hair on this quiet cold day like every other. You can’t keep your mind still, everything revolves around Suguru and the prospect of seeing him. How will it go? Will he even recognize you? Your curves got a little rounder, jawline a little sharper and hair a little shorter. But your eyes. He should be able to tell that it’s you by your eyes. After all, he spent hours getting lost in their sight. Oh, the beautiful old days. Waking up next to him still sleeping, letting your needy hands wander around his muscular body, caress every inch of his delicate skin. Suguru is your blessing of a lifetime and he told you over and over that you are his ray of sunshine. Surely it’s not too late. It is never too late to change your path.

“Who do we have here?”, a voice behind you jeers.

You quickly get up on your feet, courageous gaze set in the direction of the unknown male.

But he isn’t unknown. You’d be able to recognize his long black hair and mesmerizing orbs anywhere. It’s him. God, Suguru is here. Still as breathtaking as ten years ago, face matured in the most delicate way. And that striking smile that is plastered on his face.

“Is that really you, Suguru?”

Ten years, ten whole years of your life you’ve been searching for him. Ten years without letting any man touch you in the way he did, ten years of constantly thinking about him and the unconditional love you hold for him deep within your heart. And now he’s finally here. Standing right in front of you, only about ten feet away.

His eyes examine you up and down. Can this really be true? He thought he’d never see you again. After all, he told you to run away this one time, he spared your life once. Suguru never expected to set is eyes on you alive.

“(y/n)”

His voice grew stronger and sounds a little deeper than you remembered. Oh, how badly you want to bury your face in his arms, beg him to come with you and forget about this madness. Maybe you’ll be able to laugh about what happened in a few years together.

“Over the past 10 years I searched you everywhere. Remember that promise that I made? I told you I’ll come back. And now we’re finally able to talk this out.”

Your voice is shaking. It feels like a far away dream to see him standing there, safe and sound right in front of your very own eyes. The horror of the last few years isn’t noticeable on his lovely face. You can’t help but close the distance between your bodies, every step feels like a victory. Yes, you can do this. You will convert him back to his normal self, to the sweet and loving Suguru everyone knows and loves.

“Wow, you actually managed to grow up even though you are nothing but a defenseless monkey. Congrats, (y/n).”

The sound of his stone cold voice and venomous words makes the world around you turn black. He called you a monkey again. Just like he did back then. You shake your head, determination plastered on your surface. No, you won’t give up so easily. This isn’t him.

“Suguru, this isn’t you. I know you better than that. You are the gentlest, most caring and loving soul I know, a man that would never hurt an innocent soul. You don’t have to do this. Please, let me help you out of this vicious circle, let me give you the attention you needed ten years ago. We can still fix this. I never stopped loving you.”

“But I did, (y/n). You are nothing but a stranger I share memories with for me. I forgot about you a long time ago”, he replies dryly, cold gaze staring right through your soul.

You swallow heavily when his words hit you like a bullet. It’s like you never knew him, disgust is plastered on his face. No…no, it can’t be! Your heartbeat picks up, hands balling into fist while your whole body hardens in agony. You didn’t threw your life away for him to stab you in the back like this. You didn’t love him for noting all these years. This just can’t be true. He just doesn’t want to let you too close, a coping mechanism to defend his current way.

“Kill me right now then, I dare you!”

Your blood-curling scream hangs heavy in the thick air between both of you, waiting for any reaction, any words, any twitches. Only to be greeted by a small grin and his eyes filled with so much hatred that it leaves you completely motionless.

“Your wish is my command.”

In the split of a second you are torn into the hard ground beneath, multiple bones in your body cracking at the invisible force that seems to burry you alive. Your lungs are out of air, all you can do is stare at the grey sky above, heart completely shattered by the love of your life all over again. Salty tears mix with your blood, plastering your sight in crimson.

“You’re just fucking hilarious, don’t you think? Mark my words before you die, you mean absolutely nothing to me. (y/n), you are nothing but an insignificant shadow and embarrassment of my past, a freaking monkey that has no place in this world, not worth my time. And that is exactly how you will die today. I won’t give you another chance to escape.”

His words seem to slowly fade away. Every time you woke up you reached for him, but he was never there. You want to tell yourself that there’s still hope, that there’s a small chance to convince him to return back into your open arms.

But it’s too late.

He will never be the Suguru that loved you so dearly ten years ago. He will never be the Suguru that held you in his arms all night, that told you over and over again how much he loves every inch of your body. He will never be the Suguru that came home to you after an exhausting mission with a bouquet of flowers in his hands and a tired smile on his face. He will never be the Suguru you wanted so badly to bring back. No, this version of Suguru is dead. The man who’s bending over you right now with a satisfying grin decorating his features is a stranger, the shell of the man you used to know and love.

With a single tear escaping your eye, you steal one last glance of him and your past, present and future glistering in his emotionless orbs.

You failed him. And he will never be the same man again.

[chrysalis-the-butterfly]

Blaire Hopburn: My Favourite Character From My Least Favourite Piece of Media

So there's this webcomic called Lease Bound. It's set in Australia in 2017, and it follows Jaden and Riley, two lesbians forced to share an apartment after a mix-up with their leases (hence the title).

It was promoted as a lesbian love story, but it soon became pretty notorious for transphobia.

Jaden works as a bouncer for a female-only lesbian bar, and in Chapter 3, she refuses to let in three trans women, who don't take it well. The webcomic was heavily criticised for the way the trans women were drawn and how they behaved.

Years later, Lease Bound is still being updated regularly - in fact, Chapter 11 introduced a load of trans men and enby characters.

I've been following the updates for a while. The webcomic expresses a lot of views that I do not agree with - namely, that trans women are dangerous perverted men, and that trans men and enbies are either attention-seeking straight women or queer women too scared to question the "trans ideology cult".

And yet I keep coming back. It's partly out of morbid curiosity, to see what on Earth is going to happen next. But I think it's also because of one character I actually quite like.

Blaire Hopburn.

Blaire is Riley's bisexual girlfriend. She works at the same shop as Riley, in a slightly more senior position. She's also studying cosmetology at university and is part of its LGBTQIA+ club.

In a comic that's been so heavily criticised (and rightly so), what makes Blaire so appealing to me?

It's partly because of her personality. The Cast Page describes her as "a passionate, bubbly woman, who always strives to do what she believes is right… Even if not everyone else agrees." I generally like characters with those traits. I enjoy watching people who try to be good and make an effort to help others, but don't always do it in the best way.

And another reason I like Blaire is because I read her as autistic.

Blaire Hopburn: Accidentally Autistic?

Quite a few of Blaire's personality traits are things that I, as an autistic person, relate to a lot.

The author has described Blaire as, "So good at picking up when someone is upset, or not looking after themselves, so bad at reading the room regarding how to act." That could resonate with any autistic people who are high on empathy but low on social skills. You feel other people's pain, you want to help them, but you're not sure how. And what you try seems to make things worse.

This aspect of Blaire is present in Chapter 8, on Pages 2 and 3, when she and Jaden make conversation while erecting a bunk bed:

Blaire: So Jaden, is this your first move out of home? Jaden: I know it's a little later than most people... Blaire: Not judging! My 'rents insisted I stay home until I finish studying. Jaden: Oh nice. What are you studying? Blaire: Cosmetology! I tried early childcare and psychology too, but I couldn't handle that sort of selfless responsibility, haha! Jaden: Oh man, I feel that. My mum's in aged care, and takes care of my Nana now. I could not do what she does for a living, haha. Blaire: Do you think you took longer to move out because you felt guilty leaving your mum with your Nana? Jaden: How many years of psychology did you do...? Blaire: Sorry, that was a total guess! I didn't even last a full year!! Jaden: Could've fooled me, haha.

Thankfully, Jaden is nice enough to let that awkward moment pass, but she could have reacted to Blaire's psychoanalysis in a much worse way.

We also see Blaire being bad at socialising on Chapter 9 Page 17. Riley and Blaire have witnessed Jaden having an argument with her mum, and after her mum leaves, Blaire asks Jaden about it:

Blaire: Did you want to talk about what happened with your mum, Jaden? Riley: BLAIRE...! Jaden: Hey, it's okay. I have been a bit of a downer... Sorry. Riley: No, you don't have to apologise! Blaire: Yeah, it just sounded pretty upsetting. Jaden: You could say that, haha...

That feels very much like something a person would do when they sense something is wrong and zero in on one way of dealing with it. "Come on, let's talk about our feelings! A problem shared is a problem halved, right? Right?"

There's even a point in Chapter 8 where Blaire muses, "Sometimes it feels like Muddles [Riley's pet cat] is able to comfort Riley in ways that I just can't..." Can you imagine how galling it must feel, knowing that a pet, a creature that can't even speak English, is better at helping your girlfriend than you are?

Ouch.

In addition, Blaire's desire to learn about trans topics and be a good trans ally reads a lot like a special interest to me.

Especially the fact that she randomly brings up trans people in conversation, seemingly apropos nothing at all:

Blaire: Sorry I ditched you, babe. Auntie's keen for me to learn stock ordering. Riley: As long as you don't forget about me when you're a fully fledged store manager. Blaire: Never! So how'd the bunk end up treating you? Riley: Big upgrade from being on the floor. Blaire: And did Mudz approve? Riley: She was up there with me by morning. Blaire: Damn, that is good! Do you think Jaden could be trans?

That conversation with Riley had nothing to do with trans stuff, so Blaire's question is a bolt from the blue. I suspect the thought of Jaden being trans had been playing on Blaire's mind all day, and she was eager to grab the first chance to discuss it with someone.

She does something similar in a reply to an Anon question from when the author still had Tumblr:

Anon: Compared to others of her demographic, I gotta give Blaire props for dating a butch gal and treating her well. Blaire: Of course! Butches deserve nothing but love! And that goes DOUBLE for trans women!

Again, that Anon didn't mention trans people at all, but Blaire still brought them up. She was just itching to infodump about trans rights, I just know it.

But Blaire's connection to trans stuff leads to the issues I have with the way she's being written.

Blaire Hopburn: Pretty Problematic?

I really don't like how Blaire is currently being utilised in the story. Mainly because she's made out to be kind-of an idiot. She doesn't notice when she's making her girlfriend feel uncomfortable. And she's quite bad at picking up on social cues more generally.

This is demonstrated in Chapter 11 on Pages 31 and 32. Blaire is conversing with Violet, Jaden's coworker, about Violet's daughter Faith. The view Blaire expresses is the strawman argument often used against trans people and their allies - the supposition that we believe that not conforming to your expected gender norms means you must be trans.

Violet: Oh, and thanks for being patient with Faith. I know she's a bit of a handful! Blaire: It's like you said: they're just very passionate. Just not about dresses and skirts, huh?

Violet's response is interesting, as is Blaire's train of thought after the exchange:

Violet: NOPE! And I couldn't be happier! It makes buying HER clothes so much simpler! I hope SHE will steer clear of razors and makeup in HER teen years too, haha! Anyway, I best be getting my DAUGHTER to bed. See you at Ballroom Night! VROOM! Blaire: ... Blaire: (thinking) Dang it... It looks like Violet needs more help than I first thought... The sooner I get these [leaflets] to her the more time little Faith will have to choose what kind of body they want as an adult...!

Blaire didn't realise that Violet was emphasising the gendered ways to describe Faith because Violet already knows about trans stuff and rejects it. Instead, she just assumed Violet was ignorant and needed some educational leaflets.

(And Blaire also didn't notice the insult hidden in Violet's words. Blaire clearly shaves and wears makeup, so Violet was basically saying she hopes Faith doesn't turn out like Blaire. But Blaire has no reaction to that.)

Blaire is clearly not the best at detecting what people are implying. But that's being written in an exaggerated way, to satirise belief in "trans ideology" as stupid and in denial of reality.

It can almost feel as if Blaire is being portrayed as bad because of her autistic traits.

The author has addressed this in a comment on one of the bonus comic pages that came out after Chapter 11:

Important to keep in mind that none of the characters are written to be autistic. So Blaire isn’t being made into a villain or singled out for being autistic. In fact, a lot of her "social missteps" are a positive side to her character. Like she's pushy about gender nonsense, but she's also pushy when it comes to making sure her friends take care of themselves (making sure Jaden was getting her share of pancakes, pointing it out fully). She pushes because she cares. It has both positive and negative outcomes.

The trouble is, just because it wasn't the author's intention doesn't mean that's not how it looks. I know I'm not the only one who sees Blaire as autistic-coded.

And when Blaire's difficulties with social interaction are being played up in conversations about trans people, she isn't being written as a character. She's being used as a tool to poke fun at "the trans cult".

That's what annoys me about her portrayal. She isn't allowed to just be a character in a story - a nice, well-meaning but inexperienced girlfriend who happens to take an interest in trans rights. She has to be an extreme strawman of a trans ally, to push the author's anti-trans agenda.

Blaire Hopburn: Vicious Villain?

One of the webcomic's extra features is an "Actor AU", which includes this interview with Blaire's "actress":

Interviewer: Your character is quite controversial isn't she? Lots of people want her killed off and others are holding out hope for some sort of redemption. Which camp are you in, haha? Blaire's Actress: Neither. Interviewer: Oh...? Blaire's Actress: I actually like evil female characters. There's all these memes about deranged women, malicious women, heartless women... But when one does come along they want her removed or fundamentally changed before she's even spread her wings. Interviewer: Do you think fan opinion might change once Blaire ... takes flight? Blaire's Actress: I hope so. Realistically, both extreme camps will probably end up disappointed. But there's plenty of other great stuff to watch for. Will just have to burn the "Blaire bridge" when we come to it.

The funny thing is that the fans who comment on Lease Bound act as though Blaire is already a horrible person, but ... she really isn't?

At her worst, she's so focused on being a good trans ally that she neglects to check in with how others feel. But that's hardly "deranged" or "malicious" or "heartless", is it? Unless you already believe that supporting "trans ideology" makes you at least one of those things.

The closest thing I see to Blaire being villainous is in the first of the "When Riley Met Brick" bonus pages.

Blaire: Exploring your femininity in a non-traumatic way might help make things clearer too. Riley: O-okay. Blaire: Why don't we go dress shopping later this week, then? Riley: U-uh... I'm not really... They never feel good. Blaire: Cute plus-size options have come a long way in the last few years. It won't be frumpy like the stuff from your old congregation, I promise! Riley: O-okay... *** Blaire: Well, what do you think? Riley: It's... I feel like I can't breathe... Blaire: Huh? But it's so loose and flow-y... Do you need a bigger size? Riley: N-no, please, get it off. OFF! OFF!! Blaire: Riles! Hey, hey! Don't thrash like that, you'll rip it! Here' I'm untying it, see? Riley: ... Blaire: So, no tie-arounds, zippers or buttons... How about this one? You just pull it straight over your head! Riley: I can't... Please, no more... Blaire: Hmm... I think we need to talk to someone who has a bit more expertise than me, baby...

Blaire is forcing Riley to try on dresses and do something she's really uncomfortable with, until Riley is screaming and thrashing about. That does seem very, very bad. But I wonder if there's more to this than meets the eye.

Riley's backstory hasn't been shown in the webcomic yet, but the author has said that she grew up in a religious cult where she was only allowed to wear dresses, never trousers. Blaire presumably doesn't fully understand how bad Riley's past was, as she assumes the issue is with the style of the dresses Riley has tried so far.

In an extra cast reply (and it's debatable how canon it is), Blaire does seem to grasp that what Riley has gone through was traumatising:

Blaire: Riley's discomfort with femininity is from being forced into it as a kid. That doesn't mean she HATES girly stuff, she just has internalised misogyny to work through at her own pace!

Yes, Blaire is going about things in the wrong way. But ... she kind-of has a point? I certainly wouldn't call it "internalised misogyny", but it is trauma, and that needs addressing.

Not wanting to wear dresses isn't a problem, but the reason for it can be. Riley's discomfort is clearly rooted in pretty serious trauma, and she needs to be able to sit down with someone and work through that. Sadly, she's not yet confident enough to open up fully about it.

And even if she could, Blaire isn't the right person to do this with. Blaire did study psychology briefly at university, but she didn't last a full year. Her idea of helping Riley is taking her to see Brick, a non-binary person ... who's training to be a veterinary nurse, not a human therapist. Blaire is nowhere near qualified to give Riley the help she needs.

I don't see this as an evil trans ally preying on a poor little lesbian. I see this as two flawed women talking past each other, trying and failing to understand each other, ill-equipped to cope with each other's issues.

And then the other "villainous Blaire" moment is at the end of "When Riley Met Brick", as Blaire criticises Riley for the way she talks to Brick:

Riley: Maybe I'm just feeling a bit confused because I've never met a trans person befor- Brick: THAT is an assumption rooted in transphobic bias! Trans people aren't a monolith! You can't tell who's trans just by looking at them! Riley: Sorry, I didn't know...! Blaire: You know what they say about assuming babe... Riley: I swear I didn't mean to... Blaire: You need to choose your words with more care. Riley: Right... I'm really sorry...

The dark colours, Blaire's body language and ominous words, the top-down perspective on the scared-looking Riley ... this page is trying to make us see Blaire as in the wrong and Riley as her victim. We're meant to judge her for putting her zealousness for trans acceptance before her concern for her girlfriend's feelings.

That's the last time we've seen Blaire in the webcomic so far, but she's due to reappear in Chapter 13. It seems as though the author is planning to do something big with Blaire - something that will cement her as the villain of Lease Bound. But it hasn't happened yet. And I'm curious to see what it is.

I suspect it's something to do with Blaire being in a more senior position at Riley's workplace, as well as the fact that her aunt works there. There's a risk that Blaire could use her influence with her aunt to force Riley out of a job, after a major disagreement over trans rights or something.

But based on what we've seen so far in the webcomic, I can't picture Blaire doing something like that. She just doesn't seem like the kind of person to do something so extreme.

Basically, it's going to take a lot to convince me that Blaire Hopburn is an irredeemable monster.

TL;DR Lease Bound is massively problematic. The one bright spot for me is Blaire, the nice, eager-to-help, slightly autistic-coded bi lady. Unfortunately, she keeps being turned into a caricature to mock those who support trans rights, and that bothers me.

[i-heart-hxh]

hi! so ive been so confused/unsure abt why killua's reaction to palm saying "you are the one gon needs most" looked like he was devastated. ive thought of different reasons on why he had that reaction:

1) he got scared/devastated/stressed at the fact that he was the only one who could really help gon at that moment, but he was so sure he was useless cuz he couldn't even snap gon back to his own senses. so its like "if i—the closest help there is to gon—can't help him, then who/what else can?" and so the overwhelming thoughts of gon possibly dying haunts him.

2) he couldn't believe that he's the one gon really needs the most after assuming that palm probably placed higher than him already, and was fully convinced gon cares more about palm more than him. but then palm says she cant even compare to killua, which gave him that reaction .... i guess its like relief but portrayed in a painful way cuz of his self worth issues.

3) he got pressured by the thought of being the one gon will always rely on the most. anything bad that happens to gon will always depend on what killua would do abt it. and killua always worries and sacrifices too much when it comes to gon, so pressure just added up.

aaaand this is making my brain all scrambled (TT) i wanted to ask if u have a clearer answer for this..? i trust ur judgement a lot (｡-人-｡)

Hello! Aw, I appreciate that you trust my judgment, that's sweet of you to say. ❤️ I'll do my best to explain my take on Killua's expression in this scene!

So, I think his reaction of shock and looking devastated is primarily from the first set of reasons you brought up. He already tried to step in and stop Gon and got pushed away and told that the situation with Kite is none of his business essentially. Being rejected like that and being unable to change Gon's course of action (even though that's the role Gon entrusted him with) broke his heart, and made him feel like he can't change Gon's impending tragic outcome.

Bisky also told him this earlier in the arc:

While we know his tendency to flee against a strong enemy is caused (at least in a large part) by the needle, which he's already removed at this point in the series, Bisky's words to him and the gravity of the current situation still weigh heavily on him. In this scene, he's realizing that Gon's fate rests on him--and he doesn't know what to do to save Gon at this point. There's no one else he can ask or rely on any more to save Gon, it all hinges on him. What a heavy burden that is to be entrusted with, especially with how deeply he loves Gon--to a degree where he has actively decided and even stated out loud that he'll die with him if it comes down to that.

That's why he's not happy or relieved (at least not visibly) to hear this, as much as being Gon's most important person is what he wants--to hear this at this point is a tremendously scary thing. He just broke down sobbing on the ground because he feels so helpless to do anything for Gon. This is what he needed to hear, and it's true as well, but it puts him a position of great responsibility towards someone he loves more than anything. He was previously directly told by someone he respects that he'll eventually leave Gon to die, which just adds extra fuel to the situation.

I do think both of your other ideas are things that contribute to Killua's state to a degree, but they're not the primary driving force of his reaction in this scene specifically. The situation with Palm and Gon did certainly destabilize his sense of his role in Gon's life (because he desperately wants to be Gon's most important person and, it's heavily hinted, his romantic partner) and that's why he's so fixated on whether Gon wants him at his side as his friend or his teammate. Hearing this from Palm is deeply meaningful for Killua--he even thanks her for it later (he doesn't specify what it's for, but it's obvious)--but again the timing is what makes it difficult for Killua to hear.

On your third point, I do think Killua also realizes as a result of what happens in Chimera Ant Arc that the dynamic between him and Gon can't continue as it has, hence the separation, but in this scene the situation is too urgent for him to be thinking deeply about future situations beyond the life-or-death one he and Gon are currently in. The pressure on him is absolutely a factor, though.

I hope that helps clarify this important scene for you!

[joanyio]

weak hero class 1 rant because it’s 4am and im in my feelings and idk how else to deal with them *cracks knuckles* please don’t expect me to be coherent

it’s because of a twitter thread i made and i just wanted to elaborate more

if you didn’t click the link here’s what i said “this montage gets me every time because you realize sooho’s bright personality hid the fact that he was just as alone as sieun was, always sleeping at school for working part-time a lot, probably the reason why he had no friends, also refers to himself as the hyung with his peers. then the montage sequence ends with sieun being considerate, not turning the lights on like he did before and studying in the dark to not disturb sleeping sooho. the same day sieun wakes him up to have lunch together and they unexpectedly click.. in a way it was a friendship built from understanding how differently they lived but also similarly alone, and having each other made their lives a little brighter and i think that’s beautiful.”

also this hyunwook interview..

—

i can’t seem to stop overthinking about the little detail that sooho refers to himself as the hyung (형 - older brother) with his same-aged peers (동갑). in korea, age is a huge deal and it dictates most of their social cues, who to respect and how much respect is given. and i can just imagine how arrogant his peers might find him for referring to himself as the hyung, it’s like he acts all high and mighty amongst them.

am not puting all clips of him doing this but i remember the incident with baseball kids in the first ep he told them to bring the passed out dude to the nurse’s office and said “형이 이름 말하면 뒤진다,” literally means “if you say hyung’s (my) name, you’re dead.” (and they aren’t even his same-aged friends because someone murmured “but we’re older than him..” still, they’re high schoolers all the same) in ep 2 “형이라고 부르고싶냐?” literally means “do you wanna call me hyung now?” (or “do you wanna give me respect now?”) in ep 3 while playing pool he said “형이 하는거 잘 봐라,” literally means “watch carefully how hyung does (i do) it.”

[edit: i remembered another instance. in ep 1, yeongbin’s group bothering sieun again in the classroom. sooho was disturbed from his sleep, “why are guys so chatty these days? 형 잠도 못 자게. 형 자도 돼? 응?” literally goes “hyung (i) can’t even sleep (with u mfs being loud). can hyung (i) sleep? hmm?” official subs: “someone’s trying to sleep here. can i sleep in peace? please?”]

i think he does it because he knows he was forced to grow up fast due to his living situation, and in his eyes this made his same-aged peers /more/ childlike(?) and immature compared to him, who’s already grown up and has adult big boy responsibilities to worry about than silly little exams and high school social hierarchy. he’s extroverted and has a sunshine personality, blunt and honest to anyone he talks to. he always knows what to say to kids his age to feel shame for the bullshit they pull. even with older people, the baseball kids, to gilsu “나이 먹고 그게 자랑이야?”

so yeah sleeping a lot at school due to working part-time for hours may have contributed to him not having friends (hello he follows like 5 people in instagram, such a skinny ratio with his 1k+ followers) but also he probably found it hard to relate and saw no reason to put effort in hanging out with them outside inevitable campus interactions. until sieun. sieun who sooho calls a weirdo, who’s really interesting, whose eyes say how empty he must feel inside but you can see the fire in them. sooho probably thought sieun would never initiate a conversation with him but he did approach him for lunch that one time. and finds himself enjoying the company. now he grew to love showing sieun that there’s more to life than studying hard and preparing for college. it’s all mundane things, eating, gaming, karaokeing, playing pool, “let’s drive all night long,” friendship and the kind of company that their families and other people couldn’t give.

sooho’s all sun and bright but he hasn’t found his person until sieun came along. both of them were very self-sacrificial, ready to risk it all and harm anyone to protect each other. i might just forever ache for sooho ending up on his deathbed after going apeshit seeing sieun hide the injury he got on sooho’s behalf.. and sieun throwing away his whole future when he went and hurt everyone who did that to sooho..

it hits different after i read the equivalent chapters in the webtoon because the suho-sieun-focused friendship story was prolonged for the drama adaptation. sooho was kinda not that interesting in the webtoon so i loved everything they changed and added for his character in the drama. but also like im upset because now im endlessly attached to him.. [edit: in case i piss off webtoon!suho lovers, it’s a personal preference. i love him too but i just cant help but be more emotionally attached to drama!suho] like fuck why did they have to write such a tragic friendship story between highschoolers im fucking done

end of rant ugh i hate myself for this

[campgender]

Hi, my friend has a chronic illness that flares up sometimes and we've been wanting to hang out but it has gotten cancelled a couple times lately bc of her not feeling well enough on the day. I want to ask her how she feels cuz I care abt her a lot and want an update but 1, I don't want her to feel pressured or like I'm asking just to ask can we hang out now, and not bc I care abt how she's feeling (does that make sense? I may be overthinking this) and 2, I genuinely wanna know how she's doing but idk what to say if she responds with her not being better, sometimes u don't feel better and that's ok but I always want to offer comfort somehow or just convey my friendship? but I feel the same everytime and don't want to sound repetitive ?

Any thoughts?

this is really kind of you & it means so much to me that you want to support your friend & are putting so much thought into it! my response is inherently based in my own experience to an extent & everybody’s different, but a lot if not all of this is stuff i’ve heard regularly from other chronically ill people. of course, don’t say anything you don’t mean – if some of this isn’t the case for you, just adapt accordingly :)

i understand worrying about being repetitive but i think that’s totally okay to do! for one thing, it can be difficult to remember things period when you’re ill, especially during a flare, & for another, internalized + societal ableism is a hell of a force. it never hurts to have a reminder that not everyone is trying to force ableist expectations onto you + your friendship & that someone cares about you!

i think you can definitely tell your friend pretty much what you told me! like, “hey, it’s okay if you aren’t feeling up for responding but i just wanted to check on you! not trying to pressure you to hang out or anything, i just care about you & how you’re doing”

honestly the most important + supportive thing people have ever told me is that it’s okay if the answer is “bad.” i’m literally like surprised pikachu meme every time somebody offers to let me vent about having a rough time & then it helps me just to talk about it. it’s really socially unacceptable to talk about chronic pain & a lot of people get frustrated when you’re complaining about the same thing & there’s not really anything they can do, so just the opportunity to be like “yeah shit fucking sucks right now” means a lot.

obv the appropriateness of this depends on the person & their relationship to disability but most of the time i’m very like, radical acceptance / embracing / etc about the fact that i’m probably just gonna get sicker, so sometimes when i’m having a rough time emotionally & am like “what if i’m this bad for the rest of my life” my gf (who doesn’t have chronic pain / chronic illness) will say something like “then i can’t wait to be there with you ❤️” & it’s more meaningful to me than i can begin to put into words.

again everybody’s different but for me one of the biggest things is when disability stuff just… isn’t a big deal to the other person. which, it’s totally okay for you to need support from others when someone you care about is going through a hard time & when things change! but abled people are constantly horrified about like, every aspect of my life, so being able to talk casually about symptoms & somebody mirror the mood / tone i set – laugh if i’m joking, be upset about the ableism i experience & not my body itself if i’m complaining about people being weird about it, taking things as they come – is so affirming.

other things that have been helpful + meaningful for me are friends sending me notes, stickers, & art in the mail – having something tangible can make me feel more “real” & part of the world, something i struggle with due to being homebound – & peer support around medical neglect, which often just looks like talking to someone after a doctor’s appointment & them reaffirming my reality / experiences & saying i didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

oh one other change in language i’ve made over time & probably picked up from a few other ill people in my life is a sort of realistic encouragement – there’s not necessarily anything wrong with “i hope you feel better soon!” because like, i get that the message is well-intentioned, but it can be awkward & difficult to receive when you don’t know if that’s gonna happen. instead, i try to tell people something like “i hope you get a bit of relief soon” or “i hope things are a little easier tomorrow.” a 7/10 pain day may be horrifying for most people, but when you’ve had a streak of 9s, it can be a much-needed taking the edge off, & i try to make space for that breadth of experience in my language.

i’ve answered a few similar questions before so i’ll add my “asks” & “faq” tags on my chronic illness blog in the reblogs if you want to browse! much love to you & your friend and feel free to lmk if you have any other questions 💓💓

[petrichorium]

i am not vic but ohhhmhyyogofr your post about gojo and his greatest fear of getting you (us???) pregnant is making rounds in my head. if u would like to share more of your thoughts please know i will be SEATED!!!!

I will not lie the thing I have written is more about his mother and how he projects her onto you wrt his fears abt getting you pregnant so it’s v much a gun Ive cocked and aimed at vic specifically LMFAOOOO

But there’s many angles to his refusal to have kids imo so I’ll ramble abt a few of them. If this is going to hurt ur feelings DO NOT open the read-more it’s not a happy take on motherhood

he does not believe he’d be a good father point-blank. I think his dad was p much nonexistent in his life—in fact I can’t decide if I think he even knows who his dad is/was—and in general he keeps too much of an emotional distance between himself and everyone else for him to be comfortable with the idea of being responsible for raising a whole child. His role as a teacher is not paternal to me, in contrast to chars like Aizawa or Qifrey who are paternal in their roles. JJK is very explicit in its depiction of sorcerers as people who do not have long lifespans, and the majority do not make it past high school. The teaching role in that sense is less a father figure and more someone raising cattle for slaughter. He can’t afford to become too attached to his kids; the vast majority are going to become Haibaras or, if they’re strong enough, Getous. It’s a hard life. He firmly believes he’d treat his own kid the same way. You are the exception, and sometimes he still has to distance himself from you—a kid doesn’t deserve that from its own father.

he is RADICALLY oppositional to everything that has to do with the old conservative way. This includes providing his clan more breeding stock—because frankly, that’s what his children would be. There’s no chance of him passing his powers down (only one person can have Limitless at one time, a power that isn’t even that enormous without the Six Eyes and he’s the first person in 600 yrs to have them both) and he’s also aware that either he or his kids will die first, and if it’s him there’d be nothing to stop his clan from just taking them away to use them to breed another one of him. Idk how any decent person would be comfortable having kids knowing that or assassination would be their fate, but hey I’m kinda an anti-natalist so I’m pretty biased LMFAOOOOOO

BUT FINALLY. THE PART WE RLLY CARE ABOUT (and the most important part to him—again those first two points are why he’s always been terrified of having kids but this one shows up when he realizes he wants you for the rest of his life) if there’s anything worse than being gojo in a situation where he’s had a kid, it’s the poor soul he impregnated. Because like. He’s GOJO he’s untouchable but you, no matter who you are but esp if you’re not a particularly strong sorcerer/a non-sorcerer straight-up, are absolutely touchable. Like the odds of you being outright assassinated (during the pregnancy by other clans or after the pregnancy by his OWN as a power grab) are so high that the chance alone would be enough to make him get snipped. But having his children would erase you. You’re no longer you the moment it happens; suddenly you’re the mother of gojo satoru’s children, and you bear the burden of everything that entails.

You’ll be blamed when his kids are powerless even though everyone knew it would happen. You’ll have them stolen from you the moment you let your guard down. You’ll be ridiculed and shamed and dehumanized until you’re a shell of who your used to be. And it won’t matter that unlike his father he’ll stay by your side, because ultimately he’s the one who did this to you. It won’t matter if you do everything right, their lives will still end in tragedy. It won’t matter if you truly genuinely wholeheartedly always wanted children and always loved them… you’ll end up resenting them. And him. And yourself, for your resentment. And if you’re like his mother………. you won’t be able to take it. Nobody would be able to take it.

He cannot allow it to happen

[astrojulia]

All about Cancer

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I always start by talking about people I know who have this sign… So, it's only in this short excerpt that I speak fully as a person who experiences astrology in everyday life and not as an astrology student (and a would-be astrologer). I can't escape the fact that I see people of this sign as highly emotional. No, it's not something negative (when well-performed), and it doesn't even mean that it's someone who cries for everything. It's just that it's a person who acts more emotionally than rationally (because we are all emotional beings).

As a general energy, I see that Cancer shows how we are beings trying to live a material life... There are several ways of seeing life, with beliefs or not. You can believe in the soul, spirit, etc. But you can't deny that we seem to see life through a window in our eyes, and there is a part of us that is not material. You can't deny that it's hard to live, but it's the best experience in our life. This energy of not being something material and that we are in a shell is what this sign represents for me.

As always, I need to say that when I write in the post, I need to put what the experts and the most important astrological community say and think, because I am responsible for every word I write, but here I always say that it is just my point of view, my studies and my evolution, because I’m the type of person who always wants to be better the next day. So let me tell you this: for me there is no underdeveloped aspect! For me, the underdeveloped part will always be our “Shadow self” that will appear when we most need to defend ourselves! Underdeveloped is our deepest instinct and we need to look at it as a Digivolution and not a Pokémon evolution (nerd references!!!). 

Cancerians are all about nurturing, taking care of their peeps, and doing their best to help those close to them. They can be pretty over-protective sometimes, and may make decisions that reflect what they believe is best rather than what's actually going on. But that's just because they care too much.

Cancerians' greatest strength lies in their emotional intelligence, and when they harness it effectively, they truly shine. In today's society, emotions often have a negative connotation, causing many of us to suppress our feelings and view emotional expression as a weakness. This can lead to moodiness and a tendency to romanticize things that shouldn't be romanticized. However, when Cancerians embrace their emotional side, it becomes nearly impossible to knock them off balance. They have a deep understanding of their own emotions, as well as those of others, which allows them to navigate relationships and situations with ease.

They are highly sensitive individuals, with an emotional depth that sets them apart. While their sensitivity can be a great strength, it can also make them emotionally vulnerable at times. They often feel things deeply and may be more affected by negative events or criticism than others. However, their vulnerability is also a testament to their immense capacity for empathy and caring, which is a hallmark of their personality.

They are known for their remarkable intuition and deep understanding of the world around them. They possess a natural sensitivity and an ability to read between the lines, which allows them to connect with others on a profound level. However, they can also be withdrawn and shy, sometimes retreating into their own world when they feel overwhelmed. This tendency to be reserved should not be mistaken for a lack of interest or engagement; rather, it is a reflection of their need for privacy and reflection. In moments of quiet, Cancerians can access their deepest thoughts and emotions, allowing them to recharge and reconnect with their intuition.

Cancerians are individuals who possess a deep well of emotions and a profound attachment to the people and memories that are important to them. They have a unique ability to cherish memories and relationships with great depth and passion, and they are often sentimental about the things that matter most to them. Their sensitivity and sentimentality are a testament to their caring and empathetic nature, which allows them to connect with others on a profound level. However, at times, their sentimentality can cause them to become overly emotional and maudlin. They may become lost in nostalgia or overly focused on the past, making it difficult for them to move forward and fully embrace the present moment. While their sentimentality can be a strength, it is important for Cancerians to balance it with a healthy perspective that allows them to appreciate the present moment and the opportunities that it presents.

They have a deep appreciation for tradition and are often drawn to the customs and practices of the past. They find comfort in the familiar and enjoy the sense of continuity that comes with following longstanding practices. However, at times, their attachment to tradition can cause them to become overly bound by the past, making it difficult for them to embrace new ideas and ways of doing things. While their respect for tradition is a strength, it is important for Cancerians to balance it with an openness to new experiences and perspectives. By doing so, they can broaden their horizons and grow in ways that enhance their lives and enrich their relationships with others. When they are able to strike a healthy balance between honoring the past and embracing the present, Cancerians can tap into the wisdom of the past while remaining fully engaged in the world around them.

They have a strong attachment to their homes and families, and often derive great satisfaction from nurturing and caring for those closest to them. They are domestic in nature, and find comfort in creating warm and inviting spaces that reflect their personal style and values. However, at times, their focus on the domestic sphere can cause them to become overly sheltered, limiting their exposure to new experiences and perspectives.

So, in other words:

At their best, Cancers are:

Nurturing: Cancers have a natural inclination to take care of others. They are empathetic and compassionate individuals who enjoy making others feel loved and cared for.

Kind: Cancers are kind-hearted and will go out of their way to help others. They believe in treating others the way they want to be treated and always try to put themselves in other people's shoes.

Loving: Cancers are affectionate and express their love openly. They value close relationships and are devoted to their loved ones.

Honest: Cancers inspire others to admit, face, and accept the difficult truths in their lives. They have a strong sense of integrity and believe in being honest with themselves and others.

Supportive: Cancers are incredibly supportive of those around them. They encourage others to pursue their dreams and offer a shoulder to lean on during tough times.

At their worst, Cancers can be:

Passive-aggressive: Cancers may resort to passive-aggressive behavior when they feel hurt or upset. They may say one thing but mean another or use sarcasm to express their feelings.

Irrational: Cancers can be highly emotional and may let their feelings cloud their judgment. They may make decisions based on their emotions rather than logic, which can lead to poor outcomes.

Moody: Cancers can have drastic mood swings, going from happy to sad or angry within a short period. They may have a hard time controlling their emotions and may take their feelings out on others.

Expecting repayment: Cancers may do good things for others but always with the expectation of being repaid in some way. They may keep track of their good deeds and expect others to reciprocate in the future.

Victim mentality: Cancers may adopt a victim mentality, feeling sorry for themselves and blaming others for their problems. They may have a hard time taking responsibility for their actions and may feel helpless or powerless.

As the fourth sign of the zodiac, Cancer is the first reflection of what we really are. After the certainty that comes with the strength of Aries, Taurus stirs things up, and that's why we need to return to the past, to our origins, to review what we really are.

As a water sign, Cancer is the surface that reflects everything above. It's there, and at the same time, it's not, always being an illusion, a mirage. As a cardinal sign that seeks things, Cancer seeks security, just like the crab that has its shell to protect itself from everything and is always looking for a home that can better comfort it (Paguroidea).

The connection between Cancer and its opposite sign Capricorn is incredibly intricate, as it delves into the interplay between our instincts and our super ego. It represents a harmonization of the child's desires and the adult's needs, or even the reverse dynamic

Cancer, as a zodiac sign, is ruled by the Moon, which is often associated with the realm of emotions. Being influenced by the Moon, Cancer symbolizes the depths of our instincts, the richness of our feelings, and the core of our fundamental desires.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

Sources:

“Os astros sempre nos Acompanham” by Claudia Lisboa

“DEPTH ASTROLOGY: An Astrological Handbook”, Volume 1, by Gargatholil

Servant of the Fates on tumblr

PSD by wildfireresources on deviantart

[wazzappp]

Retroviruses got me fucked up

@moosemonstrous are u ready for a dissertation? I hope so.

people who followed me for art I'm so sorry

ALRIGHT so we're gonna cover a couple areas.

General information about retroviruses.

Details about The Corruption and theories about how it works inside the body.

SPECIFICALLY ROBBIES viral weird shit. Cause what he has going on is even more fucked up than normal fucked up. Fucked up squared.

Me ranting about skin necrosis and why I shouldn't have just. Thown it in there because I thought it would look fucky wucky.

GENERAL INFORMATION ABOUT RETROVIRUSES:

As most people know, a virus is a cell that enters the body of a host and alters its DNA to turn that hosts cells into virus making factories. This is what allows viruses to duplicate and spread through the body so quickly. But whats that? 'What makes retroviruses different from other viruses?' I hear you asking? WELL EXCELLENT QUESTION THATS A PERFECT PLACE TO START. A retrovirus is different because its method of self duplication involves an enzyme called reverse transcriptase. This makes retroviral infection PERMANENT. Even if the virus is defeated by the immune system, those changes stick around. The phrasing used was 'ipso facto mutagenic' meaning 'by the fact itself/inevitable'.

...Which is kinda metal honestly I want it on a tee shirt (definetly not thinking of Amadeus saying that to Robbie as he tries his best to explain theres no way to undo whats going on with him. nahhhh angst don't got a hold on me like that [<- vibrating])

'Ohhh but if those genetic changes never go away, doesn't that mean that those viruses will get passed on through peoples children?' ASKING SUCH GOOD QUESTIONS TODAY MY MUTUAL BECAUSE THE ANSWER IS YES. Once a retrovirus codes itself into a hosts gnome, its called a provirus (pro gamer move right there) Fun (not fun) fact around 8% of the human gnome is made of proviruses. These are called endogenous viruses, and for the most part they just kinda sit there and stay dormant. TERRIFYINGLY, other viral infections can trigger these endogenous viruses out of dormancy. As for what actually causes a provirus to go dormant uhhhhhhhh I dunno. Couldn't find an answer in my research someone make me look stupid with an answer please because I wanna know.

Ok now lets talk about the immune system a little bit. There are a few different kind of cells at work (hehehehehe) that help to fight viruses and other infections in the body. The first are Cytotoxic T cells or Killer T Cells. These are the cells that directly destroy cells displaying genetic patterns they recognize as bad. Next we have CD+4 Cells (Helper T Cells) which act as a library that stores information about how to identify an infected cell, and shares that information with other Killer T cells once one figures it out. Then there are the Regulatory T cells which suppress your immune responses to maintain homeostasis. They're what (USUALLY) stops your immune system from killing you while trying to clear a virus. Last there are Macrophage. CELLS AT WORK MAID MILFS- I mean cells that clear the debris that remain after the Killer T Cells are done destroying them.

Retroviruses have two primary ways of either side-stepping the immune system or just. Overwhelming it completely. Acutely transforming retroviruses do just that. They reproduce too quickly for Killer T cells to destroy them all and exhaust the system. The second type are called Non Acute Retroviruses. They camouflage viral particles as immune cells to suppress the immune system. For example, HLTV-1 is a retrovirus that disguises itself as a Regulatory T cell to artificially suppress the immune response thats trying to kill it.

HTLV-1 is really interesting because most of the time patients are asymptomatic, but 5% can graduate to HTLV-1 associated myelopathy/tropical spastic paraparesis, which affects the spinal cord and white matter of the central nervous system. This usually results in the weakening of lower extremities and sometimes total bowl/bladder control loss. It suckkssssss (but is also a retrovirus that affects the central nervous system so were circling back to it later 👀).

SPECULATION ABOUT THE CORRUPTION:

I've said previously that The Corruption has potential for a retrovirus that affects the central nervous system by degrading the brains ability to regulate muscular contraction, while also pumping out a ton of cortisol and adrenaline to encourage 'hysterical strength'.

Now I did a little more research about Hypoglycemia and combined with the nerve damage people would likely die from cardiac arrhythmia, which is a life threatening kind of ventricular fibrillation. Long and short, it means their hearts don't have the proper energy and stimulation to keep beating properly, so they stop beating in sync. This results in insufficient blood flow to vital areas like the brain, and combined with the inadequate blood sugar, this would result in very fast brain death.

Let's talk about the immune systems response to this Corruption retrovirus. We would most likely see lots of inflammation, and with the main focus being on nerve cell this would probably result in meningitis, which is inflammation of the tissue surrounding the brain and spinal cord. If left untreated this could result in a coma and then death. So we're seeing a SHIT ton of pressure on the brain and central nervous system. Which is like. VERY BAD for a person. We're talking brain death very very fast.

As for how the virus would target the nervous system directly we could look to real world examples like rabies (ahhhh rabies. can never get away from you). The virus would attach to nicotinic acetylcholine receptors, which are what turns chemical signals into electrical signals in your nerves. It would then spread through the axons of the central nervous system and eventually reach the brain. We could also pull a rabies with 'once you see symptoms it's too late' which I, personally, find fucking terrifying.

In terms of the virus losing its effectiveness once outside the body of a Demon/Kaiju we would likely need to look at the anatomy of a retrovirus itself. The outermost area is composed of envelope spikes, which tell the cell to let it in. After that is an envelope protein which plays an important role in complete virus particle (virion) assembly. Theres then a protein shell that contains reverse transcriptase and the RNA gnome that it will use to recode a host cell. If this virus evolved to survive in an environment that is always warm (hell. lol. lmao.) it might not be prepared to deal with these colder temperatures in our world. This could result in damage to the protective protein barriers and cause damage to the real important parts, the RNA and reverse transcriptase. This would mean that the virus would not be near as effective as a fully intact retrovirus cell.

The Corruption could be an endogenous virus thats embedded into the Demon/Kaiju gnome that wouldn't affect them, but would absolutely affect us because we haven't seen them before.

ROBBIES WEIRD FUCKSHIT:

alright guys this is where we put the FI into SCIFI cause your about to read a whole lot of nonsense sentences.

Robbie. Robbie is fucking WEIRD in EVERY universe and this shit is absolutely not different. Him being exposed to that previously mentioned damaged version of the virus from a young age might not give him true immunity but it would give him SOMETHING to work with. His immune system is at least slightly familiar with it and at this point whatever damaged version he came into contact with has already established itself as a provirus in him.

The Corruption thats established itself in The Charger is different.

Like I mentioned in my first diagram, I think there was a chemical reaction that stabilized the corrosive aspect of The Corruption, but this reaction would also have had an effect on the retroviral properties of the Demon/Kaiju material. ESPECIALLY when we add Eli into the mix.

Now, I think generally the amount of radiation that these viruses would be exposed to would kill them (if you believe viruses are alive. there is some MEGA debate going on about that). But if the corruption was just stabilized/hardened on the outside and left squishy and organic on the inside, that would successfully protect everything. And whats that organic squishyness on the inside? EXCELLENT QUESTION AGAIN. If Eli died while inside The Charger then it's not a stretch to think his DNA would have been incorporated and stored via through the natural processes of the retrovirus as a provirus. And so you end up with the genetic mixture of a horrifying creature capable of heinous acts, and a Demon/Kaiju. WITH retroviral properties. Dear god.

Robbie would get exposed to this the very first time he enters the Charger. Because of his semi-immunity + genetic relation to Eli he would likely be able to overcome the more meatsuit damaging aspects of this mixture and just get right through the genome editing without much fuss from his immune system. We would still have a certain degree of damage to his nervous system which allows for that change in strength that would occur in usual examples of the virus (maybe some added aggression from mild influence in his amygdala), but not to a deadly degree. Honestly this shit would barely classify as a virus its just. A nightmare mutagen at this point. So while some of his gnome would remain fairly the same, a good 30% to 50% is megafucked.

Changing Robbies genotype to this degree will naturally result in a change to his phenotype! For the sake of fun were gonna ignore stem cells and their weirdness (for now. I just need to stew on it a little longer and I can make up some bullshit I'm sure). The damage his muscles would experience from less regulated signals would mean they experience muscle tears and subsequent muscle growth. For usual muscle damage from exercise this takes a few days, so if we wanted to keep with that timeline it could be interesting to introduce some minorly sped up healing. That would also be fun for reactivating the growth plates in his bones to allow him to become bigger and taller overall (boring body horror my beloved @cicada-candy that term is never leaving).

THEN you can get into some of the fucky wuckier traits like tapetum lucidum and TEEF. TEEEEEEFFFF. The teeth in particular could go a few different ways. You could just have growth and development of the canines resume until they become elongated and more prominant. OR. You could replace the teeth with bony protrusions from the skull that would push out the original canines and grow in their place. Because of the time it takes for bones to heal your looking at this happening around 20 weeks out. Literally any fun trait you want to take from Demon/Kaiju could apply here.

The most important part would be the nerve bundles on his spine that would be used to bluetooth to The Charger (<- this is a nonsense sentence. I am aware of this). These would provide faster communication with the charger and (theoretically) more intuitive movement, while also allowing him to eventually controlling the charger from the outside. Please note that this would cause EXTREME STRESS to his nervous system. It would be like a person trying to flex a muscle the size of another person for the first time. LEARNING PROCESS. TAKE IT SLOW OR HAVE AN ANEURYSM.

Which leads me to the youtuber apology part of this.

WHY I SHOULDNT HAVE JUMPED TO SKIN NECROSIS:

Skin necrosis is a result of the mass death of skin cells that is furthered by the damage to blood cells. This usually results in a blackened, leathery texture to the necrosed skin. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER EVEN MENTIONED THIS.

What I SHOULD have done is said 'hmm ah yes it would make more sense for some protective covering over these nerve concentrations to either come from materials in Robbies body or to mutate into the skin of the Demon/Kaiju'. This is why we do sufficient research before getting back on our bullshit, wazz (mental note mental note mental note mental note).

I am quite partial to the idea of that stronger/thicker Demon skin/armor growing under Robbies skin and it just itches and burns until he cant ignore it anymore. And then he can pull off. Whatever skin is on the top of it. HEHHEHEHOHOHOHO DELICOUS MENTAL IMAGE of him panicking because he just wanted to scratch his back but now theres blood on his hands and skin sloughing off and dear fucking lord how did he get to this point in his life (<- I daydream about normal things guys don't worry. very average things).

ANYWAY uhhhh if you made it this far I love you. Legit. Have a cookie. Take a nap. Have a happy holidaze <3.