#udder madness

[fourtwentybuds]

Giggle Gas (Gas nana x udder madness) 🍞 by Solfire Seeds 🌱 by nomids_seattle

[kollectorsrus]

[ambiguousdisorderken]

something tumblr loves to do is recreating the big bad straw man vegan because it's easier than reevaluating your beliefs and god forbid changing your habits, again and again and again and ag

[latenighttalking00]

A Work of Art

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x Fem! Reader

Summary: You are a Marchioness from france and your mother is adamant that you wed. She is a very close friend of the Dowager Vicountess Bridgerton who has so generously agreed to be your sponsor for the season. Perhaps in doing this, she has unknowingly found her son's perfect match as well.

Warnings: slow-ish burn, friends to lovers, smut, 18+, minors dni, hair pulling, possessive/dirty talk, fingering, oral (f receiving). This is just porn with a plot.

Word Count: 2k

Author's Note: Hi! This is my first time writing, so apologies if it's a bit rough; English isn't my native language. Hopefully, you all absolutely drool over Benedict the same way I do. enjoy!

Once the social season had begun its approach, you and your family make haste on your return from france. Due to your newly given title, you are projected to be quite the diamond this season indeed.

As a close friend of the family, the Dowager Viscountess, Violet Bridgerton kindly offers to sponsor your debut this season, meaning that it is now of the utmost importance to arrive promptly at the Bridgerton home in London before the season is to begin.

As you sit in the drawing room, awaiting the next potential suitors you will inevitably send on their way, the clear and evident dread in your expression does not go unnoticed by your mother. A quick swat to your knee from her fan catches your attention, a visible look of warning on her face as your eyes meet hers.

"I do hope that attitude of yours is quick to dissipate." She sighs, "Men will find you quite inadequate to wed if you are to continue this ridiculous behavior. It is quite unladylike." Your mother's words cut right through you as if she had taken a hot paring knife to both of your ears. Not being able to withstand it any longer, you quickly stand from your seat and interrupt her.

"Mother, this gown and the line of men outside the door are quite suffocating enough; no need for your incessant nagging as well." You take a moment to pause, regaining your composure.

"I believe I am feeling quite faint; perhaps I've seen enough suitors today." You threaten rather than suggest, "I will return to my chambers and perhaps get a bit of rest seeing as the sun has already began it’s departure from the sky."

You bow and quickly excuse yourself before making haste out the door, walking as fast as your feet can take you, right past the men who are practically begging for just a minute of your attention.

You race directly to your bedroom, entering quickly and not even fully shutting the door before you are pulling down the zipper of your gown and letting it fall to the floor. "This retched thing must come off immediately," you mumble to yourself as you pull at the laces of your corset, loosening them just enough to slide off your body. A sigh of relief leaves your lips as you slip off your stays and slip on a beautiful white nightgown you purchased from one of the most talented modiste in france.

Shortly after the maids come to collect your gown, you are quick to wander down the halls in search of a cure to your relentless boredom. you find what appears to be an art studio and you are instantly overjoyed. you quietly sneak in through the door left ajar.

Art was your pride and joy; your sketches and the ability to produce beautiful works on canvas were the only things keeping you from becoming a mad woman.

Unbeknownst to you, Violet's second-eldest son and the owner of said art studio had just returned home from the gentleman's club. As he makes his way down the hall, prepared to return to his studio and peacefully finish up some things he started the night prior, he is met with complete and udder surprise at the sight of a woman flipping through his sketchbooks.

He feels as if the air has been knocked right from his lungs. Never once has a woman looked so real, raw, and simply ethereal to him in nothing but a simple yet elegant night gown, the pages in between your delicate fingers, the way in which you sit, your effortless and beautiful features, and the way they change and turn to show your focus, the true and utter intrigue at the charcoal etched on the paper is more than enough to bring a man directly to his knees.

He watches as you adjust your position, your nightgown sliding up your thighs as you cross a leg over the other. He feels as if he might faint.

“those are from my time traveling.” he points, making his way in to the room.

So lost in thought, you are quickly brought back by the sound of the deep and sultry voice coming from the hallway, it sends chills down your body, you are unable to fight the butterflies in your stomach and are completely unprepared for what you’re eyes are met with the second they dare to leave the pages in front of you. He is perhaps one of the most beautiful men you have ever seen, the way his features darken in the dim candle light could cause scandal merely on its own.

As he makes his way over to you, you scramble to find any sort of words to not appear as a complete and udder fool. “désolée, my Lord. All this beautiful artwork caught my eye and i could not help myself.” your voice only making his new found attraction grow even stronger.

“Benedict Bridgerton..” he says just loud enough for you to hear. He is quick to take your hand in his, pressing a gentle kiss to your knuckles.

“Miss y/n y/l/n” you respond, a blush creeps over your cheeks as your eyes meet his. Your name and accent are both very quick explanations as to why a very random beautiful woman was wondering in

his family home.

“Ah yes, the Marchioness from France. My mother has done quite a bit of boasting upon your arrival, i can now see why she was so keen on you being the diamond of this social season” he chuckled lightly “merci, Lord Bridgerton.” you offer him a warm smile as you place the sketch book in his hands.

Your hand grazes his and you feel as if your body is set aflame. You quickly fumble to stand, attempting to leave before any further scandal is to happen. he is quick to catch you by the arm, his light grasp more than enough to keep you in place.

“Please, stay as long as you’d like.” He offers, taking a step towards you, but you are quick to shake your head, knowing staying any longer may very well affect your title and rank during this very precious season.

“You are more than kind.” you place a hand over his and squeeze lightly. He leans even closer, your face mere inches from his. his scent fills your nose and you cannot control the heat that consumes your body, the sheer need you have for him in this very moment. “I must- i uh-..” he raises an eyebrow at your words. though his proximity fogs your brain, you attempt to compose yourself. “Perhaps i can show you some of my art in the duration of my stay here.“ he smirks, dragging his teeth over his bottom lip as he nods “if what you create is half as beautiful as you, my art will never hold a candle to yours.” he compliments.

Your breathe catches in your throat as his words. “..Benedict- Apologies, Lord Bridgerton..” you quickly correct yourself, the use of his first name not going unnoticed by him. “I’m sure both your and my Mother will have quite the earful if i am found in here, i must go.” Before he is even able to protest, you are gone.

As the days pass, You begin to consume his every waking thought, the sound of your voice, the feeling of your skin on his is burned in to his memory and he cannot shake his want for you.

Anthony is quick to notice his admiration, the wandering stares and close proximity immediately become apparent in Anthony’s eyes. As the family settles in the drawing room, Anthony is quick to pull His younger brother aside “You’ve grown quite close with Marchioness” Anthony offers his younger brother a warning glance and Benedict simply smirks in return “Brother, are you suggesting that i’ve compromised Miss y/l/n?” he laughs. Anthony in no way finds this amusing “See to it that your intentions are well thought out and you are thinking with your brain rather than something else. She is a Marchioness, toying with oversea affairs may be more than risky, even for a Bridgerton.” Anthony notes, the clear and evident weariness in his voice wipes the smile right off Benedict’s face

“Brother, do remind me. Did you not ask for one Sharma’s hand in marriage and then proceed to marry the other? You need not inform me on scandal for i am more than well aware of what i am doing.” he place a hand on Anthony shoulder and squeezes light before walking away.

time skip

Benedict does everything in his power to gain every fraction of your attention when it is available. The two of you spending more time together than any of the men attempting to court you. This new grown fondness blossoms quickly and Benedict soon becomes one of your most trusted friends. Spending late nights in his art studio, promenades in the garden, pall mall with his family. You’ve never felt more at home than with your dear Benedict and his lovely family. This fondness grows very quickly to something much stronger. Knowing Benedict’s stance on courting and marriage in general, you shake the thought. Knowing your dear friend will never see you as anything but.

While enjoying another late night in his studio, you can’t help but feel different. You both are well aware your time together is coming to end. Suitors begin growing impatient and proposals begin rolling in faster than the tide.

“I quite like Lord Lumley, he is handsome and he finds interest in poetry.” Benedict is quick to laugh “Lord Lumley is a dimwit after nothing but your title.” you wince at his words “Clearly he’s much more of a gentleman than you.” You tease, crossing your arms over your chest. “Excuse me?” he asks, the change in his tone sending heat right between your thighs. He rises from his place on the stool and saunters over to you, his large frame towering over yours.

“Repeat what you said.” he orders

“Ben i was merely kidding i-“ you stutter, his proximity making your skin feel as if it were on fire.

“Do not make me ask you again.” he warns, a smirk on his face

You are a bit taken a back by his demeanor but the insatiable desire in your body fills you with a sudden surge of confidence. “Lord Lumley is more of a gentleman than you, Lord Bridgerton.”

Benedict lets out a low chuckle before leaning down, his mouth right by your ear.

“Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps Lord Lumley isn’t plagued by the same un-gentleman like thoughts that fill my head the moment you step into a room.” he sighs, his breath on your skin only making matters worse.

Your hands find his half buttoned shirt and you press your hands lightly to his chest “Benedict.” you warn.

he pulls back just enough to meet your eyes with his own. Your noses practically grazing as he speaks. “Tell me now that you do not desire me.” His hands rest on either side of your face “Simply speak the words and i will respectfully withdraw and allow you to be with whomever you like but first you must tell me you do not desire me and you wish for me to leave you alone.”

“Ben.” You mumble quitely. Every feeling or emotion that the second eldest Bridgerton has ever caused immediately rises to the surface. At a complete loss for words, you do what you feel is right in the very moment and you bring your lips to his.

The kiss quickly fills with passion, weeks of hidden adoration and care comes bubbling over the surface.

“Marry me.” he say breathlessly as he breaks from the kiss. “You have shown me what is it truly like to admire a woman. To look at her and feel inspiration. To delight in her beauty. So much so that all of her defenses crumble and that you would willingly take on any pain or burden for her. To honor her being with your deeds and words. You make me feel what only a true poet describes." his works nearly bring you to your knees as tears threaten to escape your eyes. “I would move the heavens down to earth for you if i knew it would make you smile.”

“Benedict.. Je vous aime.” you reassure him “I love you mon chéri, more than the moon loves the night sky. You are my everything, my best-friend. I would give anything to be your wife.” He pulls you back in for another kiss which very quickly becomes heated.

He trails hot kisses all over your jaw, neck and bosom. “My beautiful Fiancée.” he mumbles, his wandering hands sliding their way up your thighs, threatening to breach the hem of your nightgown. You are immediately reminded of your current location and you push the dark haired boy back “Ben.. not here” you breathe out, The second Bridgerton son just smirks before kneeling down in front of you.

Unsure of what he’s planning, you remain silent, eyes trained on his as he begins trailing kisses up from your ankle to your inner thigh. His hands trail up the back of your legs, giving your ass a playful squeeze as he reaches it, causing a gasp to escape from your lips.

The mere sight of him like this sends heat directly between your thighs, all logical thinking thrown out the window as he begins to tug your panties down your thighs. A blush creeps over your cheeks and your hands find his hair, tugging lightly. Benedict continues with no hesitation, pressing light kisses all over your inner thighs, leading right up to your aching core. You’re unable to fight back the sounds that leave your lips as you feel his tongue pressed against your clit. “Christ Benedict… you’re going to be the death of me.”

He wastes no time, lapping, kissing and sucking at your soaked heat as strong hands grip on to your thighs, throwing one of your legs over his shoulder. You lean against his desk to keep yourself upright while quiet moans and whimpers escape your lips, your hands pulling and tugging at his messy black hair, only encouraging him more. He pulls back only for a moment to look up at you “You taste fucking divine, my beautiful work of art.”

He is quick to return to your soaked heat. As his tongue works relentlessly on your clit, he slowly pushes two fingers inside of you, giving you a moment to adjust before slowly thrusting them in and out. Shortly after, you feel an unfamiliar knot form in the pit of your stomach and Benedict is aware immediately due to your incoherent mumbles and the way you clench around his fingers. “That’s my girl..” he says breathlessly “just like that..” After hearing his words, you completely unravel, shaky moans escape your lips as one hand grips on to the table and the other with a tight hold on your Fiancées hair.

Once your body has relaxed, he gently pulls your panties back up before standing to face you. You watch as he brings his fingers to your mouth “Open.” he commands and you immediately oblige, opening your mouth as he slides his fingers past your lips. The unfamiliar taste and the sheer sight in front of you causes a blush to fall over your face. He removes his fingers with a groan and offers your a smirk “You, my dear Fiancée are going to be the death of Me.”

A/N: Hi guys! I really hope every likes this :) if you have any request, feel free to send them to me :)

[beatrixstonehill2]

"What? Why would I be mad?" Heather said, smiling prettily. "You're my boyfriend. It doesn't matter if we've only been dating two months. You know I'm a very traditional girl, pretty sure that's why you asked me out! I'd be happy to explore any of your kinks, I don't care how dark they are. It's my job as your girlfriend to please you however I can!"

Heather's boyfriend, Jake, eyed his gorgeous girlfriend, feeling slightly ashamed for even thinking about what went through his head. He couldn't help himself..... "You can say no if you want. I'm just warning you."

Heather rolled her eyes. "No. I can't. I'm your girlfriend, Jake, like I've been telling you I have to please you no matter what! In any way I can, trust me, with the way I was raised I'm fully prepared for what that could mean! Now quit stalling and tell me how to satisfy you...."

"Fuck.... well..... I want to destroy your breasts."

"Destroy my breasts? What, like blow 'em up?"

"What!? No--well, actually...... no, I mean I want to debreast you."

"Ohhhh, you're one of those guys who likes to see a busty girl's titties get chopped off. What's the big deal, then? Why were you so nervous?"

"Well, it's just..... your breasts are so big and sexy I thought you might hate getting them chopped off."

"You're such a dork. My feelings aren't important, dummy! If I were reluctant to have these big fat udders of mine chopped off, I'm betting that'd make this whole thing even hotter! I can pretend to hate having them chopped off if you want, though."

"Uhhhh.... wow, I didn't expect you to be so cool about this."

"Your ears need a serious cleaning. Besides, I was here thinking you wanted to off me and toss me in a ditch or something. I mean, you still can but I'd like a bit of warning, unless it's part of your kink that I don't get any warning in which case I'm sorry if I spoiled the moment for you!"

"No, uh..... not that. But wow, you are just the perfect girl, aren't you?"

"Raised to be whatever my man wants, just like every girl ought to be.... at least that's what my daddy says."

"Well, he's a wise man."

"Sooooo, how're we doing this Mr. Titty Chopper? You got a preferred way of doing things? These big fat udders of mine aren't going to cut themselves off. Well, if they get too much bigger they might sag so much they drop right off! Kidding....."

"But I'd pay to see that! No, I own a sort of guillotine for breasts. I made it, and it works pretty well."

"Test it on lots of girls already?"

"Maybe."

Heather bit her lip. "So what, you gonna tie me up? shove my boobs into this thing and film me as I squirm and beg you not to chop them off?"

"Pretty much. I'd prefer it if you beg me TO have them chopped off, though!"

"That, I can do. I'd love to see my massive udders get removed, it's such a pain having boobs this big, you know?"

"Good, glad we're on the same page. I'll be fucking you as you're strapped in, the blade over your tits. You and I will hold the rope preventing the blade from dropping. You let go right as you're about to cum, that way you lose your tits right as the orgasm hits you. Guarantee it'll be the best orgasm of your life."

"I'll hold you to that. Then what? I'll be breastless, strapped into your machine..... what's a girl to do?"

"I'll fuck my children into you as I call you my flat-chested, worthless whore. Then, once your belly is full of my seed, I'll send you home with the basket containing your severed breasts, you show up at home with no boobs and tell your daddy you're pregnant from the guy who chopped off your boobs. Once you're all bandaged up, we go from there."

"And where might that be? Will you discard me like a used up piece of meat?"

"No, I'll introduce you to the other girls whose tits I've used my guillotine on.... You can admire how big their bellies are with my kids, and dream of how big yours will be in a few months."

"And if I give you enough kids will you marry me?"

"Maybe, or I'll consider it, if you help me find more busty girls like you to date, chop of their tits, and impregnate. You have some stiff competition but from what I can tell you seem like the kind of girl who's going to take this way more seriously than the others...."

"I am your girlfriend after all. Pleasing you is my purpose, and if finding a hundred girls with big fat titties like mine for you to chop off will make you want to spend the rest of your life with me.... I'd be happy to oblige!"

[mcytblrconfessions]

considering the popularity of ram hybrid schlatt hcs there’s probably at least one guy that has headcanoned schlatt as transmasc with functional udders and i don’t know how to feel about that

this ask made me learn sheep have udders and now i'm mad about it

[ravenromanova]

Kitten

Parings- Natasha x female reader

warnings ⚠️ - SMUT!! mdni! 18+ mommy kink, fingering, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, nicknames (kitten,mommy), Top!Natasha, Bottom!reader

Main masterlist - Send me requests!!

(If this post an the others i post feel a little familiar its because im reposting them from my old account)

your p.o.v

  As the sun peaked through the window of the room around me i slowly come to rubbing my eyes. I lay there til my alarm goes off because i always end up waking up before it anyways so i just sit til it goes off. The room is filled by the sound of my alarm as it goes off and i reluctantly turn it off slipping out of my bed. Before i go and get ready for my day i make my bed placing the black and red pillows on top of the black sheets and comforter. After i straighten up my bed i groggly walk into my bathroom doing my routine consisting of brushing my teeth and hair, throwing my hair in a braid, very light makeup and whatever training clothes my eyes land on.

   Once im content with how i look i make my way out of my room and walk into the kitchen of the Avengers tower. I make my way over to the fresh pot of coffee that instantly brews more coffee once the old pot is done courtesy of Mr. Anthony Stark. After i finish making my coffee i walk over to the fridge staring in whats in it trying to decide what i want. 5 minutes go by when i suddenly feel two petite hands rest on my waist. As the smirk starts to form on my lips im suddenly overcome by chills as the person whispers into my ear.

"good morning kitten." she says completely taking me aback as my breathe hitches and i turn to face her my hands now in the same place that hers are resting. " good morning to you to Ms widow." i say the smirk growing more and more upon my lips. Me and nat have been together for well over a year but kept it a secret. Its only recently been that we've started to show a little more PDA around the group to kinda ease them into the idea of us being together. Its just been a little hand holding here and there along with sweet kisses on the cheek and maybe some casual sexual remarks as well. But in all honesty no one has asked anything about what is going on with us which is a surprise.

    Me and nat just stand in that position for what seems like forever but in reality its been like 5 minutes but thats the affect nat has on me. I swear whenever we are together i forget everything bad ive ever went through. Me and her went through the same thing... the red room. We met in training and we started sparring all the time to the point where we were perfectly in sync. Eventually that lead to us being partnered up together whenever they needed us. Since we were together so much feelings evolved faster than we could understand but thats what happens when you are in captivity with someone for over 2 decades. After nat escaped the red room and joined the avengers she had asked Director Fury to help locate and find me. Natasha tried to find me once she left but she had no luck so she enlisted help from the Director and the Avengers to help her do so. Once they found me and natasha came into the room where i was held she saw me as a shell of the person i once was. What natasha didnt know was that after she escaped the red room they had attempted to find her through me. They did everything in their power to try to get me to give up where she was but i didnt know. They eventually gave up and just used me as a punching bag for whenever they were mad because a mission went south.

   But after nat found me and i joined the Avengers i started working on what i had been through and getting through it the best i could nat being the one to really get me through it. All the feelings came back once we started sparring with each other again and one drunken hook up lead to the most amazing relationship me or nat have ever known. It was complete and udder bliss anytime we kissed, our hands touched and dont even get me stated on her eyes her beautiful fucking eyes that i could get lost in forever and just not care.

"kitten?" she said looking at me confused since i just stood there daydreaming "you okay my love?" she questions again as i regain my thoughts.

" yes baby im okay i was just thinking about us and how much i love you and just everything about you" i say gripping her waist a little tighter and bringing her as close as possible before placing a passionate kiss on her lips.

" everything you say? how about we ditch training and you show me how much you really love me." she says looking at me with i can only describe as siren eyes. i swear this woman could get me to do anything she wants just by giving me that look. as i stare as her in complete shock at how bold shes being i just shake my head til it almost rolls off my neck and with that she pulls me upstairs to my room.

  We make it upstairs and before i can even speak she pushes me onto the bed straddling me her legs on each side of me. She doesnt waste anytime as she tears the clothes from my body and throws them on the floor. Almost instantly she starts attacking my neck leaving all kinds of marks on me not caring if they are able to be seen or not.

" baby please dont tease me." i say breathlessly and i move her hand down to my underwear and directing her hand where i want it to be. Again she wastes no time as she rips off my underwear and spreading my legs and looking in between them with a hungry look in her eyes. She kisses my thighs and leaves marks as i move underneath her in pleasure. She takes her fingers and runs them up and down my core i jump slightly when she does at the feeling of her ice cold fingers. Eventually she attaches her mouth to my most sensitive spot and starts sucking as she adds to fingers in me.

" OH FUCK BABY!" i shout at the suddenness of her actions and i can already feel myself getting to my climax as she keeps going. I grab her hair in my hand and start grinding my hips against her face earning a moan from natasha. she adds a third finger and my insides really go crazy this time as she licks me and keeps pumping in and out of me hitting all the right spots all at once.

" right there baby... d-dont stop please" i manage to choke out in between my already hard breaths.

" you like when i fuck you like this kitten? hmm? you like that huh?" she says coming up to my face as she attacks my neck again while still going in and out of me. i shake my head eagerly

"words kitten use your words or else mommy doesnt know if shes pleasing you the way she should be. so now be a good girl and use that pretty mouth and speak." as she says that i can feel myself getting close to my climax. she has never spoken to me like that and i want her to all the time now.

" yes mommy it feels so good. im so close for you please dont stop." i say basically panting as i try to spit the words out wanting her keep going.

" thats such a good girl using your words for me." she says going back in between my thighs going back to sucking my spot and i grab her hair again bucking my hips as if ive never felt her fuck me before. she starts pumping into me again and i can feel myself clench around her fingers

" oh i can feel you getting close baby. you gonna cum for me? gonna be a good girl?" she asks me as i grip the sheets as tight as possible

" yes baby i-im gon-im gonna c-CUM!" i scream as i reach my climax my back arching as i sit there panting and dripping in sweat. she licks her fingers clean after i finished. she goes to get a towel to clean me up but i put it on the bed and bring her close to me instead

" that was amazing" i say placing a kiss on her lips

" but i thought i was supposed to show YOU how much I loved you." i laugh as i say to the red haired beauty in front of me.

" yea well i couldnt help myself my dominate side took over as soon as i saw you in the kitchen" she says kissing my forehead as i smile

" come on let me clean you up kitten." she says grabbing the towel and cleaning me up. after that i get dressed in clean clothes and we spend the night in our own world.

" i love you (y/n)" she says taking my hand into hers

" i love you more nat" i say cuddling into her.

I do not give permission for my work to be translated or posted on other sites

[fourtwentybuds]

🍇🌱🔥Killin it @ trainwreck_grows

[mychlapci]

Centaur Rodimus is a fast ejaculator. Can come a dozen times but each session doesn’t last more than a few thrusts. He also produces transfluids for days, so he’s perfect for breeder.

The problem is that Rodimus is also a mischievous little shit. He’s usually left either on his own, or with other studs… but now and then he would run for it and find himself in parts of the ranch he shouldn’t be. Being so quickly aroused means he can just mount whoever he wants, be done and run away before anyone can do anything about it.

Maybe he sometimes sneaks into Drift and Ratchet’s pasture and pester the half cow mix…

Drift would always chase him away, but always too late. The handlers really don’t know what to do with the little red and gold calf they now have, but sure as hell no one is daring to go near Ratchet when Drift is so worked up…

ahsusjiw Centaur Roddy sneaking off to fuck is so good. He should not be poking around the cattle. The only centaur allowed to pester Ratchet is Drift, and that's because those two have unfortunately bonded a while ago and the staff doesn't mind since they seem incapable of breeding... Enter Roddy and his sneak 100% fertile cum blast. He's in and out of Ratchet's valve in a minute, and the staff end up with a mixed little calf on their hands...

Drift is so mad. Rodimus just knocked up his wife. And motherhood made Ratchet even hotter, his udders full and body still so swollen even weeks after birth... He almost wants Rodimus to fuck his wife again. Then again, he might have to try it himself.

[bumblebeehug]

i am not immune to the thought that lucy hated men after running away from her dad, and that natsu was the first guy she didn’t feel immediately scared of/repulsed by/weary of

like, yes, she flirted with that old mad for a discount on plue’s key - i can tell you for free that she hated every second of it, just cursing that he was a pervert for actually discounting the key at all (but her economic side still wished the discount should have been bigger)

and yes she met bora and was initially impressed with his magic - obviously he was actual dirt personified and everything, so clearly there were no neutral, mild feelings there

and maybe this is stretching it, but i bet it took a LONG time for her to get comfortable with Taurus - she initially thought he was scum as well for even looking at her tits when she was 15 (which he definitely was bc who gave him the right to thirst over a child) but then, years later she finally recognised that he didn’t flirt in a horny way - he just appreciated her for her, but the personality of his previous owner had stuck to him, specifically talk about tits and udders, so that’s the only way he knew how to talk to her, and since she was young she couldn’t keep him out for long enough for another vocabulary to stick

and anyways when she met natsu she for the first time felt like she was seen as a human. not like her mom, not like a piece of body, she was just. seen as,,,, anyone else. and that impression stuck with her in a way that made her more comfortable than she had been for many many years

[spankingwishes2]

Ruder than Rude

@agbbswts wrote:

"It's not amusement dear, it's rather satisfaction. The fact you've bared your bottom before I even took my shoe off proves me that your last 'over my knee lesson in obedience' was amazingly valuable. Therefore I'm confident an at least 'three days long sore backside' will remind you not using that kind of language again."

***

It was way beyond unacceptable.  My only excuse was that I was already mad about the situation and she seemed to be criticizing me on top of it.  What happened was, I had been unable to convince some total jerk (as usual) to be of any assistance whatsoever - and she said that I needed to learn to be more ‘persuasive’.

“Well, I’m sorry,” I yelled, “But I just can’t wave those gigantic udders of yours in someone’s face and have him do whatever I ask.”

From her first reaction I thought she was going to cry.  You could have heard a pin drop, as they say.  I knew I was wrong and started unfastening my pants.  Not because of getting the strap last lime for arguing - because I knew I deserved it.

So, she said, three days of a sore backside courtesy of her slipper.  Not sure it wasn’t fair.  We got started on it right away and she laid a great foundation.

“Since I’m pleased with your compliance, you may ask my forgiveness,” she told me.  I told her how much I cherished her body, how beautiful she was, and how grateful I was to be able to please her.  Of course, it wasn’t reciprocal, no surprise there.  Hard to sleep on my stomach, impossible to sleep on my back.

***

Aw! That's so sweet of you to come and ask obediently for your promised morning spanking. The breakfast in bed was even a nicer touch. To show you I'm not merciless, I will only slipper you bare bum until you can't sit instead of belting you red raw. So, am I not the kindest wife in the world?

***

In the morning I tried to ingratiate myself further, with about all the success I could expect.  She wanted to make very sure I would be sore until my next spanking but put in the extra effort to use her slipper, not the belt.  Even so, it was more like a ‘weekday’ spanking when it would have to last until dinner or after rather than a ‘Saturday morning reminder’ - plus it was delivered on an already sore bottom!

Once I’d collected myself I offered to please her again but she declined, though she said she might want a massage later and I assured her (truthfully) that I’d be glad to do so.

She did get her massage later, though still no relief for me, but I think she could tell that I wasn’t just ‘pretending’ to have a sore backside.  At least, I made it to bedtime and then ‘only’ got what she claimed was half a spanking with the belt.  It still made for a difficult night on my side and belly.

***

"That could constitute something like the start of an apology, I'll give you that. But you know how I like your excuses better when I have my slipper in hand and your bare backside settled across my lap. So if you're still decided to please me all day - yours words - you know what you have to do."

***

Sunday morning I managed to avoid any wake-up discipline.  I thought maybe it was because my bottom was too sore.  By 10:30 I had procured some flowers and put together a breakfast fruit plate for my lovely lady but the slippers on her feet made me less than optimistic.

This time, she said she was ready to hear a ‘proper’ apology from me - and an explanation, which tended to result in a lot more and harder swats.  But at least we were making progress!  Still, the spanking she delivered showed little recognition of any ‘progress’ or any concern for my very sore bottom!  The fact that I was crying almost immediately only led her to make me repeat my explanation and apology over and over so she could ‘understand it properly’.

After I recovered (which took a very long time), she informed me of two things: first, that we would be joining friends for a casual ‘early dinner’ sort of thing for the afternoon, and that she was ‘ready to return things to normal’.

“That is to say, if you manage to behave yourself while we’re out - and on the trip to and from - everything will be hugs and kisses when we return,” she said, and I knew she meant a lot more than that.  “And if I have even a single complaint, you’ll be begging me to bring you home before I start in again on your bottom, sore or otherwise!”

It was three days indeed!

[idleimages]

Udder madness.

[beatrixstonehill2]

"OK, guys, don't get mad.... Buuuut I'm detransitioning! I know, I know, I said I wasn't thinking about it. But what trans girl doesn't occasionally fantasize about what it'd be like, especially those of us who went on blockers and never went through male puberty. Sooo, I didn't think about it super often. Like people would occasionally ask me if I wanted to detrans and I'd shrug and be like, "I dunno..... maybe someday? Who knows!" I never seriously considered it outside of like shower thoughts or the occasional jerk off session before work....

But I met this girl, Alexia..... Guys. She is beyond fine. She's absolutely beautiful. She contacted me out of nowhere and asked if I wanted to hook up. This beautiful cis girl with boobs even bigger than mine. And lol, yes I know mine are way too big as it is. Just another reason to detrans, my boobs make me soooo dysphoric! Ugh! I can't believe I ever thought I was a girl..... Alexia got me thinking a lot about myself, and made me realize I'm totally just a femboy. Like I'll wear dresses and makeup, but I want no boobs, no big fat estrogen booty. I want to be lean, and to grow some facial hair maybe.....

Alexia started talking to me on our first date about how a lot of trans girls are really femboys and they just don't know. Especially us ditzy ones that go on blockers so young and never go through boy puberty. She miiiight've told me how hot it was if I were to detrans and try out becoming a femboy. I told her about how I hate having huge boobs and looking like some dumb college slut who's pushed out a dozen kids already. Like look at the stretch marks on these udders! I told her I wanted a slim, elegant figure, and to embrace having a cock, not hide it. That I wanted mine to be really big..... She agreed, she said she wants a sexy feminine boyfriend she can go dress shopping with and share makeup, but who can also fuck her good, get her pregnant. I told her I'm not experienced as a top and she just shook her head.

'You poor, dumb boy,' she said. 'You probably can't because all that estrogen turned your cock flaccid and pathetically small.'

She wants me on testosterone ASAP. She already helped me make the call to schedule my top surgery, to get rid of my boobs.... We only met a couple weeks ago..... She wants me to be a boy now, and I'm not about to say no. ❤️ Goodbye girly body and big fat udders, I'm detransitioning like a good boy. My girlfriend is very needy and bought me penis growth pills. She wants me to have a huge, meaty cock and wants to teach me how to use it like a guy.... She's gonna teach me to top her, and more importantly, she wants me to get her pregnant to prove what a man I'm becoming..... I told her I don't plan on getting super macho and she said of course not. I'll always be lean and elegant, and she'll even peg me when I've been especially good..... But she did tell me one thing..... I'm not allowed to masturbate. I can only cum two ways: If I'm topping her, or if she's pegging me, which I'll only get as a reward if I can please her like the boy I'm meant to be. Guys.... I think I might be in love. Either way, so long to being a girl. ❤️"

[theravenchild]

With a steaming cup of chai in hand, Hellendil was ready to savour a rare moment of peace when suddenly something caught his eye. There, amidst the swirling chai, was something that most definitely had not been there before...

A disturbingly cute almond with an udder stared back at him with big, soulless eyes, unwavering in its relentless gaze. The almond spun slowly around in his drink, paddling with its strong little legs, never breaking eye contact with the pretty Ravenclaw.

"Do you like my milk?" the almond asked in a squeaky voice. Milk drip drip dripping from its udder, mingling with the chai in a disturbingly hypnotic rhythm.

The Ravenclaw can't believe his eyes as he stares at the drupe, divested of it's shell and sporting an udder, of all things, as it splashes about in his tea cup. He blinks and shakes his head, assuming his mind must be playing tricks on him. "William is right, I've got to start getting more sleep at night." The prefect was always adamant about being early to bed and early to rise, but Hellendil's late nights have never really phased him, until now. When he returns his gaze, the animated almond is still there, continuing it's backstroke around his steaming drink. "I must be going mad," he whispers as he pushes his hair back from his face.

Where did it come from? Sure there were anise seeds and cardamom pods in his chai spice but not almonds, and certainly not animated ones! That thought brings him back to the rash of dancing mashed potato snowman shenanigans during the holiday feast. Glancing about the room, he tries to locate the prankster, but to no avail.

Now that he realizes he's not mad, he turns back to the strange almond. "Well, I'm sure that I have heard of almond milk, but I'm quite certain this isn't the way it's made. You can rest now my strange little friend," he says as he produces his wand and ends the spell with a quiet, "Finite." Fishing the now normal looking almond from his cup, he places it on the saucer, unable to bring himself to eat it. He glances back at the cup for a long minute before shrugging his shoulders and taking a sip of the comforting, creamy chai.

[marisoft-paint-adventures]

Pgs. 446 - 613

jumpscare.

YOU.

You start thrashing up stunts something uncannybrutal on your quest for "MAD SNACKS YO" and get this way rude hunger under control. Shit is basically flying off the hook. It's like shit wants nothing to do with that hook. The hook is dead to that shit.

I remember when Skate was the punching bag of the internet.

he’s so lame.

Your BRO's computer is password protected of course to protect all the incredible top secret shit he's got on the burners. Of course you know what the password is, and he knows you know it, and you're both cool with that because the password is the most awesome thing it can be.

what is it.

this is the most important mystery in all of Homestuck that is never answered, what the fuck is his password.

I know multiple people who have a desktop that looks just like this.

also Delirious Biznasty.

Complete Bullshit is my favorite weird parody thing Hussie puts in because I know many content aggregators that were as fucking unusable as this, and you would just put page after page of shit because you wanted all of your funny little things in 1 site.

it’s a really good, general spit take on the internet, that does not name any CURRENT or RELEVANT BRANDS of SOCIAL MEDIA that MAY OR MAY NOT DATE THE COMIC and also COME OFF AS FUCKING STUPID.

anyways.

Your BRO keeps up with your projects in his aggregator, just like you keep up with his. He's tuned into your various blogs, and of course SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF.

I like the little detail of the 2 Striders keeping up on each other’s work in their bro rival irony shitcore thing.

oh god here we go.

there’s a lot of signs that Hussie was indeed a forum guy, the general humor, the unabashed shitting on other people’s work, the focus on, well, forums, all that jazz. but this really signals that status to me, this weird and esoteric fetish site that burns your eyeballs. because the age old tradition of a forum user is to find and laugh at obscure fetishes discovered in the depths of the internet, like discovering that guy on DeviantArt who made an image of Joker about to drink the ocean water, shit like that is the lifeblood of forum humor. to see how accurate this mock porn site is, speaks volumes about where Hussie was online.

now, I say shit about obscure fetishes, but...

SMUPPETS are a multi-billion dollar a year enterprise, and it's awfully hard to resist taking a firm squeeze from the plump udder of that cash cow.

honest to god the funniest fucking detail to ever exist surrounding Bro, there is enough people in this world to fund the Smut Puppet empire, worth billions, but also this fucking guy lives in TEXAS, in a SHITTY BRICK APARTMENT, and just eats TAKEOUT all day in his fucking disaster of a room. he just uses none of the money I guess.

It's not unfair to suspect the regulars who frequent the little chat box on plushrump.com are just chatbots that bro programmed to talk to each other about puppet smut, to help lure curious visitors into the squishy fold of expensive platinum memberships and such.

I want to consider this canon solely because it feels like a peak Dirk thing to do to make realistic AI that only just get off digitally to weird shit like puppets.

You know this is ironic and all, and your BRO reaches echelons of irony you could only dream of daring to fathom. But on rare occasions, when your guard is down, it all seems just a tad unsettling to you.

NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE.

fear.

true fear.

I like how Dave’s 1st way of responding to the Puppet Realizations is to just constantly chat to everyone about how cool they are and not totally living nightmare creatures.

TG: hey what is up TG: what happened with the monster that is totally definitely in your room did you kill it TG: where are you man TG: anyway TG: things are cool here TG: totally cool TG: puppets are still awesome TG: no problems with them or anything TG: like TG: just TG: really really awesome

just “PUPPETS ARE SO DAMN COOL!!! I LOVE PUPPETS!!! SO AWESOME!!!” as he is internally seething like no tomorrow.

Cringe Ass iPhone User.

ok we revisit that conversation where Rose talks about visiting the puppet porn sites and there’s commentary but...

Rose likes bro's puppet porn sites. It's almost like they would have similar styles and would get along pretty well if bro was her age. Oh well, that's the end of that fruitless hypothetical reverie.

THAT DOESN’T TELL ME ANYTHING, HUSSIE.

WHY DID SHE GO TO THE SITES, HUSSIE.

WHAT DID SHE MEAN BY THAT????

murderous intent.

imagine you’re in your suburban American house and next door you hear some fucking child just screaming next door about cakes and clowns and shit, imagine that and you have now known what it’s like to be neighbors to the Egberts.

yeah I’m a bit of a gamer.

he’s SO SAD, augh.

girl’s so silly, girl’s so silly.

EB: did you know he thinks puppets are cool? TT: Does he? EB: he's so dumb!!

John you are unaware of horrors beyond your imagination.

die.

FUCKING BEATDOWN BABY YEAAAH!!!

I’m a big fan of John going hog fucking wild on these imps and then WV is just like “good morrow fine sire Johnathan!”

fuck yes, fridge wins the game.

dumbass.

he eats books, this is important to the plot, you need to know this.

oh shit it’s THE puppet pesterlog.

TG: ok wait hold on why am i getting this stupid game for you TG: youre the one who should be wrist deep in puppet ass TT: What is the specific problem? TG: the problem is i am up to my goddamn neck in fucking puppet dong TT: You know you like the mannequin dick. Accept it. TG: i am enrobed in chafing, wriggling god fucking damned puppet pelvis TG: an obscenely long, coarse kermit cock is being dragged across my anguished face TT: Let's put this into perspective. You put up with the puppet prostate because you love it. TT: Also, coarse is a good word. TG: you dont seem to harbor any sympathy for the fact that ive burrowed fuck deep into lively, fluffy muppet buttock TG: im whirling in the terrible cyclone at the epicenter of my own personal holocaust of twitching foam noses TG: its like a fucking apocalypse of perky proboscis here TG: like TG: the proboscalypse i guess TT: Are you going to start rapping about this? TG: what no TG: no listen TT: Prong of flesh bereft of home TT: Found solace 'twixt a cleft of foam. TG: no oh jesus TT: Of apocalypse your thoughts eclipse TT: A painted pair of parted lips TT: That dare through kiss to stir the air TT: That teases tufts of orange hair. TT: And though faces flush in lovers' fits, TT: Hands snug in plush as gloves befit. TG: ok dickinson if you can shut your perfumey trap for a half second TG: this is serious TG: i am just saying TG: if i see one more soft bulbous bottom being like TG: kind of jutting out and impudent or whatever TG: im gonna fly off the handle TG: im gonna do some sort of acrobatic fucking PIROUETTE off the handle and win like a medal or some shit TT: Then let's hope there will be a squishy derriere somewhere below the handle to break your fall.

truly iconic words never spoken any better. I have no idea how Hussie said any of this on the fly in real life before plopping it in this comic.

GET IT??? IT’S A CAPTCHALOGUE CARD BECAUSE IT HAS A CAPTCHA ON THE BACK!!!!

I love how Hussie planned out an entire cipher for punch card patterns, like a crazy person.

KILL.

TG: PUPPETS TG: AWESOME TG: THATS REALLY ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER

  -- turntechGodhead [TG] changed his mood to RANCOROUS--

this is ominous, he is fucking fuming.

this is an amazing panel and I will hang this up on the wall.

this is the 1st instance of the guardians being knowledgeable of the events of Sburb, except this one doesn’t really go anywhere because Dad doesn’t really do anything involving it, so it’s just kind of weird.

I enjoy the implication that Dad fully expected John to just fucking deadlift a safe in a showcase of pure Man-Ness.

fuck this hat.

your racism levels are increasing!!!!

the tub is not racist, it levels up in uh

clean.

and such is the best part of this object leveling gag.

fucking Vaulthalla.

HELP HIM! HE’S GOING TO FALL!!!

AND THE BIG MAN IS HERE!!! HOW WILL HE SURVIVE????

the inhuman Strider ability of flashstepping is observed.

oh my god it’s the Muppet Babies comic.

Cheerfulbear Play With Me is genuinely some of the funniest shit I have ever read, this strip alone is pure genius, the fucking zoomed in Kermit Billy with the cutoff text always gets me.

Ok, some of this stuff you KNOW he's just leaving around to get under your skin. This is obviously another ploy in his relentless siege of one-upsmanship to get your goat (the same goat you've been meaning to bleat like ironically, but that will still have to wait for a more appropriate time). You think he knows that deep down you feel like you're still not ironic enough to get stuff like this, and this is probably some weird gauntlet he's throwing down to see if you will "GET IT". But honestly you think this material is just a little TOO ironic. You just don't need to see this shit right now.

Bro Strider might be the only man on Earth who has successfully committed psychological warfare via puppets.

trying to fucking microwave my pizza but I cut myself on the inconveniently placed BATARANG on the counter.

You spot one of your BRO'S many WEBCAMS nearby, recording the incident. It seems you may have just been an unwitting accessory to some sort of grisly puppet snuff film. You're not totally sure how you feel about that.

how much did Bro pay the FBI to not swat his shitbox apartment for creation of Not So Good Content.

Game Over. (Saw Reference. (Reference To The Movie Saw. (The Movie.)))

now imagine a world where the Buster Sword was used to alchemize, the possibilities, endless.

See, like, his hobbies are cool and all, and you guess he's got to put his shit SOMEWHERE. But what if you just wanted to heat up a burrito or something? This kitchen is pretty much useless.

circling back to the puppet industry, billions of dollars earned, everyone in the house eats reheated shit like takeout and frozen meals. truly dining like kings.

It would have been badass to go with the authentic Japanese names for each weapon, but sometimes you've just got to compromise with this modus.

WEEB!

creature.

Oh god more shitty swords. Of course you knew these were in here. You're not even sure why you looked. If you want to keep any food or beverages in this apartment, you've pretty much got no choice but to hide stuff away in your closet.

ok can I just say that malnourished Dave is 1 of the weirdest headcanons I’ve seen out of this fandom.

like, you can take the abusive Bro angle anywhere and extrapolate it from a lot of early writing, but the “ im a starving child starving to death” one is where I am just left confused. I saw him talk about eating a burrito, you saw him talk about eating a burrito, he uses the microwave to consume, there is a kitchen that is used as best as it can for food despite the fucking BUSTER SWORD there, he even refuses to eat fuckin carrots as a baby. man’s entire diet must consist of dried ramen, Hungry Man steaks, and reheated pizza.

which is still a terrible way to feed your kid, give that little man a fucking apple or something, but I feel that’s a world’s difference from Dave Strider Is Malnourished.

yeah he does hide the food away but I feel like that was supposed to be a part of Bro’s, uh, bro-ness, by that I mean the general extreme brother rivalry going on.

if you’ve grown up with siblings, you know exactly what I mean, they steal ALL OF YOUR FUCKING FOOD, all the time. to the point where you have to strategically place shit so you can be sure that no one else can touch your fuckin sacred frozen pizza slice.

I haven’t even mentioned the fact that Swords In The Fridge probably violates several safety codes at once just for existing. then again hammering fathers and stabbing mothers are the ordinary.

little boy rampaging killing puppet men in fury.

It's the hatch to the crawlspace above your apartment. BRO'S always tucking away in there when he's busting out his rad stealth stunts. He's so slick that dangling cord never even jostles. You just know he's being ironic with these weird mind games. There's no way anyone could be serious about aping those shitty movies.

HEY!

SAW’S GOOD!

the 1st one.

It is time to face your destiny. No going back now.

it is time to beat the shit out of my brother.

aw FUCK.

he is full of fury.

also good to know the puppet ass conversation was happening while he was literally covered in puppet ass.

I wonder how bro hung that there, unassisted? Wait, that's a dumb thing to wonder. He just held the paper in position, then let go of it and flashstepped at warp speed backwards, and threw that batarang at it before the note could fall even a single nanometer.

he’s so cool.

moral: sometimes, Dave is cool.

[hotxcheeto]

━ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐓 𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐒

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨) - Jinx x G/N!Reader

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Cursing? A lot of fluff

𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 ? - Yeah/Nope

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - An idea I had like a month ago

☆ 𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 - Jinx was bored and you were working, so instead of bothering you like usual, she tries a new way of keeping herself busy. And it seems to work, almost too well.

Jinx wouldn't like when you worked for long periods of time, no it drove her crazy actually. Literally and figuratively.

So each time you did, she'd find a way to linger about, talking your ear off or coloring beside you. Claiming it was just as important as your papers for Silco and you were inclined to agree.

You kept each one in your tiny little office room as well, she'd hang them up herself and show you proudly.

But some days those things weren't enough. And she'd still be bored. Complaining and poking at you, but you never got mad.

"Trinket!" Came a sing-songy voice tearing you from your paperwork but you didn't turn around, scribbling something down as the sound of chunky boots waltzed up and behind you.

"Whatcha' doin'?" Her arms wrapped around your neck, nails tickling your bare upper arms and over the black ink decorating your flesh. "Working, Jinx." "Boring. We should go somewhere or cuddle or.." "I can't right now bug." You looked up at her, the girl huffing in disappointment, blowing a piece of her blue hair.

"Can't you just skip it?" "It's for Silco, Jinx. Unless you want me dead?" She scoffed at that, pushing herself onto your lap while you dodged messing up the paper while she got comfortable.

"I won't let him." "I like your attitude bug..." She leaned down kissing the corner of your mouth while you smiled. "..but I gotta finish these. I'm almost done." She groaned much louder this time, looking at you continuing to write the report.

She thought about snatching the pen away from you and throwing it.

Though Jinx laughed at that, out loud in fact, gathering your attention to her as you raised an eyebrow.

She muttered a few things, gaining yet another glance at her but she was off in her own world. It wasn't unusual that she was, but her eyes had cemented themselves on your tattooed arms, tracing the lines with her pink nail.

Until then an idea popped into her head and she hurriedly moved to leave your side, much to your disappointment.

But it wasn't long until she returned but you'd gotten so sucked into your work you didn't feel it until her cold breath blew against your flesh, and it felt wet.

"Jinx?" You turned your head, seeing her blowing on a blue patch on your skin. It looked nice against your skin tone, Jinx's markers more like paint pens giving it the pop it needed to show up.

"Do you like it?" She asked, not giving you a chance to respond with your answer before she continued on with another color. Now noticing the clutch she had on a group of them in her other hand.

"Yeah.." You muttered watching her continue to fill in the tattoo with bright ink and pull away to admire her work. "It's cold though." You chuckled as she blew on it getting it to dry faster.

"You're gonna look great!" "Are you saying I don't look great now?" She looked at you almost offended before lazily gazing at your face, tilting her head in just the slightest.

"No. You always look great." She said, a bit quiet. "Thank you, as do you." You didn't noticed when you looked away, but she didn't take her eyes off of you after, not for a moment.

Then you felt her continue and you swore with every stroke of the marker you relaxed further.

Up and down, up and down. Then she began to trace another outline, going around the black edges with her color, filling it in at the end.

"What do you want to do when I'm done?" You asked into the thick quiet air, only to be met with udder silence in response. "Bug?" You used her loved nickname, her favorite besides just one other.

"Jinx?"

You turned your head but she hadn't heard a word, tongue between her teeth and brows furrowed in concentration while focusing on the uphill of your shoulder where the tattoo ended.

You opened your mouth to speak again but decided against it, instead smiling, turning back to your papers.

"We'll figure something out."