#ughhhh anyway I just needed to vent some

[katya-goncharov]

i'm trying really really hard to convince myself that everything i'm anxious about right now is perfectly Normal and Fine and it isn't a crisis at all and nothing bad will happen. but my brain & stomach just don't believe me

[madesofgold]

.

[sunxxblessed]

( why must my internal organs hate me so much an make me suffer constantly ughhhh )

[neapolitanupsidedowncake]

UR HEADCANNONS ARE TO DIE FOR 💗 COULD U DO HEADCANNONS ON HOW AIZAWA,PRESENT MIC, IZUKU,BAKUGO,KIRISHIMA AND DENKI (U can do one of those characters or just pick a few from them! Up to u!) WOULD BE AS UR BF! THANK U ❤️❤️❤️

denki and kirishima boyfriend headcanons!! gn!reader

content warning: fluff, established relationship between reader and characters

a/n: when i got this note i was rly happe TwT thank you so muchhhh, it means so so much to me that someone likes the things i write <3 gives me so much power!! power to write more! so sry this one took long eheh. anyway i really hope you like this one!!

DENKI

he's my favorite boi!! 💖💖

you guys probably went from best friends to lovers!

the way he told you he liked you was by some really huge show XD

like he had sero and kirishima to be his wingmans to go to your dorm and they got fake rose petals and scattered them at your dorm doorframe

and you hear commotion outside your dorm like ("AAAAH IM FALLINGIMFALLINGHALP" "BRO THEY'RE GUNNA HEAR CHILL")

and you open the door and you see the trio all sprawled out on the floor and you hear like scattered whispering like "get into foRMATION"

(*ahem* "where's the script man" "bro i think i dropped it on the way here" "ya know what freaking screw it")

"I WOULD LIKE TO GO ON A DATE WITH YOU, LIKE ROMANTICALLY PLEASE"

onto established relationship!!

in general he's a really goofy bf he'll send you enough memes in about 10 minutes to be a mini fyp

so i don't know if it's a style choice or he needs them for vision and stuff, but in official art he'll wear glasses, so i think that when he's just chilling with you, he'll wear prescriptional glasses (ughhhh he looks rly handsome in them)

speaking of, his hero suit has these blue glasses, so sometimes, he'll put them on you just for fun

i think his ideal date choice would be going to a cute restaurant or going to a cinema 💗

your friends are his friends!!! you won't have to worry about him cheating on you or falling for one of your friends because he does pda with you around them XD

his love languages are (to give)! quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation. he likes receiving words of affirmation, also acts of service 💗

KIRISHIMA

he is a lot like denki XD just different font you know?

he lovessss to admire you <3 he'll buy you lots of nice suits/dresses to wear on dates

before you go out anywhere on a date he'll kind of study himself in the mirror before asking you if he looks sharp (no pun intended)

SUCH A FRIGGING GENTLEMANN like husband material if you ask me

he'll open doors for you and hold your hand in a big crowd

he's actually insecure about a few things, and if you let him, he'll open up to you about them because he believes communication is key in a relationship (not that he'll ever pressure or force you to vent to him about stuff)

in general he won't really force you to do anything you don't feel up to

he lovesssss cuddling you, him being big spoon 💗

his natural hair color is black, meaning he dyes his hair, so he'd be good at it i'd think, so if you're just chilling together, he'll ask you if you want to dye your hair

you guys have a lot of inside jokes, like you could be hanging out in public and he'll randomly say something like "hey remember the hairbrush" "oh my gosh STAWP" "AHEHWHEHHWHEHE" people in public be lookin at you like you're crazy

he probably has a rock on his desk in his dorm that he named harold btw

his love languages are quality time and words of affirmation! he likes receiving words of affirmation too!

he plans on marrying you a few years after high school 😂

[wazzappp]

I CANT DRAW RIGHT NOW BUT THIS IDEA HAS BEEN BOUNCING AROUND MY BRAIN LIKE A POSESSED TENNIS BALL ALL AFTERNOON AND I FUCKING NEED IT OUT NOW

Okokok you know the whole 'Halloween is when ghosts are closest to the material plane' shtick? THAT. BUT IT EFFECTS ROBBIE.

He wakes up on October 31st and just feels off. Cold but in that freezer burn way, claustrophobic in his own skin just straight up bad. Robbie, being Robbie, just assumes he has a cold and goes on about his day. Goes to work takes Gabe trick or treating (maybe trunk or treating that could be cool. All before dark of course. Hillrock heights on Halloween night sounds like a lot of trouble.) And finally FINALLY the sun goes down and he can burn up.

He lets off some steam in the usual way (finds some people to beat the shit out of). And goes to snuff out so he can go home and (try to) get some sleep.

But he can't. He can't snuff out.

Queue PANIK. Wtf is he going to do? He can't go home like this, obviously, he's already neutralized the biggest threats for Halloween night (maybe call Lisa?? 👀👀💥🔨 NOT THE TIME SHIPPING BRAIN).

Anyway, he can finally force himself to snuff out a few hours before daylight. And he's relived, obviously, in a 'OH THANK GOD IM NOT STUCK FOREVER' kind of way. BUT HES STILL WRONG. His hands still look like the burned ghost rider suit and it traces up his arms following his veins. The metal cheekbones of the skull are showing in slivers on his face and its the same with the main vent on his forhead. His eyes still glow, when he speaks there's clicking and rasping noises, it's all just WRONG.

QUEUE PANIK 2 ELECTRIC AVENUE

All of this goes away by the time the sun rises and its actually the morning of the next day but ughhhh. I realized that Robbie essentially sees his ghost rider form as a tool more than anything else, and has never stopped to just EXIST like that. HENCE MY DESIRE TO FORCE HIM.

[tokusaatsus]

hello!! can i req chiaki comforting his s/o after a bad day? he’s so silly honestly i wanna put him in my pocket

☆—MORISAWA CHIAKI

“Ughhhh…”

You stumble into your apartment like some reanimated zombie walking the Earth. You’re sure you look like one too, what with the purple bruises under your red-tinged eyes and the snarled hair, so why not add to the aesthetic and roll with it? 

You fall face-first onto the couch, burying your face in the pillows with the intent to lay there for as long as you possibly can. I’m not leaving, nothing can make me. Forget about idols, school, whatever. I’m going to spend the rest of my life here.

Your day has been, to put it lightly, shit, and you’ve had enough of people for today.

You note the feeling of fingers running through the messy strands of your hair, gently detangling the knots. The motion is rhythmic, calming–and it makes the tension seep out of your spine. You go limp against the cushions, a sigh falling past your lips.

“Hey,” Your boyfriend, aka one Morisawa Chiaki, speaks as he continues to card through your hair. “Rough day?”

You groan. You’re so fucking exhausted, what the fuck. “The worst.”

“Aw, I’m sorry. Can I do anything to help? Do you need to vent or something? This hero’s always willing to comfort you however he can ☆!”

You smile to yourself. Cute… “No, that’s fine. Just…stay with me?”

“I can do that!” Chiaki’s voice is loud, and you let out a soft hiss as it echoes around the walls, adding to your awful crying-induced headache. “Oh, sorry…” He attempts to lower his voice. You appreciate it, really, but Chiaki’s ‘indoor voice’ is the equivalent of any normal person’s ‘outdoor voice’.

You’re lamenting your boyfriend’s terrible volume control, when suddenly you’re bodily lifted off the couch and into Chiaki’s arms. And to make things worse (or better, you’re not entirely sure yet), it’s bridal style.

“Eh!?!?!”

You cling tightly to his chest, face buried in his neck as he casually stands up, not shifting a little bit, even with your added weight.

Holy shit.

You forget sometimes, just how strong he is. All that stunt work and practice has made him lithe, yet with well-defined muscles and oh, wow. Biceps. Goddamn.

No! Bad! Not the time…You shake your head rapidly to get rid of all those thirsty thoughts.

“W-where are we going?”

“You are going to bed.” He flashes you a crooked grin. “And I’m joining you! I’ll cuddle all your problems away.”

You feel tears well up again and you jam the heels of your palms into your sockets to prevent any tears from escaping. One would think, with all the tears you’ve shed today, that you’d be all cried out but nooooo.

A hand wraps around your wrist, stopping you. Chiaki stares at you, a little sadly.

“That bad, huh?” A frown crosses his features. “Tell me who made you cry. I’ll beat them up!”

You giggle wetly. “That’s not very hero-like behaviour, baby.”

“Well,” He huffs, “Maybe not me, specifically,  but I’m sure Kiryu wouldn’t mind helping out.”

Your confused expression fades to what you’re certain is your ‘infatuated lovesick puppy’ look, aka your ‘only for Chiaki’ expression, as it has been lovingly (you hope!) christened by the RYUSEITAI juniors. “You’re sweet.”

“Hahaha, only for you, gorgeous ☆!”

☆—notes!

WC: 541 words

hi anonnie!! ik u asked for hurt/comfort technically BUT i decided to focus on the comfort aspect since i am. a sucker for fluff. maybe one day i will write properly competent angst for all the masochists on tumblr.com but that’s in the future ig. anyways i hope u liked it!! this was shorter than i wouldve liked but chiaki is my babygirl so.

[organized-chaotic-disaster]

WARNING: talking about covid :') (not the impact it's had globally but the actual sickness itself)

Venting

I'm honestly so stressed bc I have covid and. It's just not going away so I keep having to call in sick to work. And I'm scared I'm gonna get into trouble bc I keep calling in but. I refuse. I fucking REFUSE to contribute to the spread of this shit. And besides, I need the rest to recover!!!! I deserve that!!!!

Thankfully I'm not feeling too terrible— had a mild sore throat for a few days, and some stuffiness/runny nose, but that's mostly gone and now it's largely extreme tiredness and a bad headache which honestly is pretty typical for me anyway —but I'm still fucking contagious, and who knows what might happen if I push myself. My job is really physical and I work in a cooler, meaning, I'm working in the fucking cold!! That won't help me at all!! Those factors combined basically make work the worst place for me to be rn

(And just as a disclaimer, pretty sure I'm having such a mild case bc I've had 4 shots of the vaccine now— and my dad has it and has 2 things against him to make him immunocompromised, and this has mostly been like a bad cold for him, he hasn't needed to go to the hospital. If you can but haven't gotten the vaccine yet, DO IT!!)

But I'm still so stressed about it. I wish I could just recover and test negative so I could go back to work, because it's constantly in the back of my mind that I might get in trouble for calling in sick every single day I'm scheduled to work for over a week, especially during Christmas, which is literally a blackout period for vacations— in other words, you aren't allowed to take vacation during this time of year. This stress is eating at me and I just wanna make it go away. Funnily enough, it's probably making it harder for me to get better 😅

And bc I'm a student, I only work 2 days a week during semesters, and legit this started the DAY after my first day back from this last semester, and my next one starts immediately after new year's, so I'm worried this looks like I'm trying to skip out on work when I otherwise would be doing like 40 hours but I'm really not!!!! I'm just trying to do the right thing 😭 a couple coworkers have long covid, others aren't vaccinated, we have some older people. But even without those factors, I wouldn't wanna go in and spread it around

idk I'm just. I'm very stressed and a tiny part of my mind has legitimately been worried I'll get fired over this. I seriously doubt I will bc it's almost impossible to get fired from my workplace (it's a joke that you have to try lmao) and bc of the good name I've built for myself there. I've been there almost 10 years now, they know I don't pull shit like this just for shits and giggles. But the worry is still there, you know?

Ughhhh I've gotta sleep so I can wake up at 5AM to call work and tell them I still have covid, then go back to sleep bc fuck that shit :')

Wish me luck when I have to get up in like 4 1/4 hours lmaoooo

[espytalks]

My brother's not home for me to vent to him about this, so YOU get to hear me freak out about this dumb thing i found that i want for a hot minute.

it's straight up bonkers how much i want this right now. I'm 99 percent sure it wouldn't even look as good as the picture makes it look, but it's???? Cute?????? I kiiiinda like itttt???? not gonna lie, it's just the right amount of stupid that i want in my life.

I'm actually saving up to surprise my brother with a copy of the pokeyman game on his birthday coming up, though, and this is honestly really a bad decision to purchase this regardless, cause even though i do need a new bedside lamp, i want one that has outlets i can plug stuff into, cause having a charger by my bedside is very important to me.

Ughhhh the ones i can find for that though are sooo... boring???? they're all minimalist, or square/rectangle shaped, and even though this is square, (and also doesn't have any outlets or usb ports i'd need), it's got a fuckton more personality than all the boring desklamps i can find put together. It has a diamond sword on the pull chain!!!! how is that NOT precious?!

if it wasn't sixty fuckin bucks, i would probably actually get it. i hate it so much it's juuuust out of my reach!!! if it was half the price, then i could get maybe a multiport for my wall, cause i could probably find an affordable one, if we don't already have one?? we might have one already?? this is why i'd normally talk to my brother about this instead of posting about it on my blog lol.

i'm gonna close the tab. maybe i'll think about this again, but odds are i'll just wind up getting an endermin tshirt i saw instead in a few months. Did ya'll know endermin's my favorite mob? i think they're neat! sucks, i want a plushie, actually, but they don't seem to have any. here's the shirt, btw. 's pretty cool :)

I might bail on that too, though, cause i reeaaaallly need new pants, not new shirts. it's just so much easier to shop for tshirts, though. I just closed the tab for another shirt i wanted, too, of some animation vs minecrft merch, cause i've gotten into that recently. I just think they're neat, too, and aughhh the little stick guys are so cuuuuute!!! I wanna finish some fanart of them, but i'm so wrapped up in a billion other things, i kinda don't have the energy for it.

..I really wish i wasn't alone right now. I need to clean the kitchen, but i'm tired and i don't wanna do that alone, so i'm procrastinating by looking up minecurft merch i can't afford.

anyways, thanks for listening. I just wanted to get this outta my system, so i can go do chores. Wish me luck on finding a song to listen to, i guess.

[irisbaggins]

Hi yes I’m a tired student who just want to SLEEP and not have a FINAL that SUCKS and that I’m gonna FAIL so why can’t I just SLEEP and watch ROOSTER TEETH and not CARE.

[potassium-pilot]

Prompt 14: Commend

“Uh…hey there, Haurchefant. You’re not mad, right?”

The Lord Commander told her how it took six knights to wrestle him back to his post, keep him from rushing to her side in the face of Shiva. He certainly looked as though he fought off a small militia, what with the ragged hair and the small bruises on his cheeks.

His arms were folded. A stern look fell over his face. This was not a happy man.

“What were you thinking, Dia?!” he exclaimed. This took her aback. For as long as she’d known him, he’d been quite polite, always using a gentle tone of voice with her. To hear him scold her so was…different, to say the least.

“Wagering your very being on a dubious theory which might allow you to enter Iceheart’s lair- knowing full well that she could have sufficient forewarning to complete her ritual to summon Shiva, anyway…? And then- And then- engaging the abomination in mortal combat?!”

“…Chief, that’s a morning warm-up for me.”

“By the Fury, Dia!” He was in no mood for her cavalier attitude towards her heroic actions. “‘Tis the stuff of ballads! A battle for the ages!” He slammed a fist on his desk and continued, “Would that I could have been there to fight by your side!”

“Haurchefant, you would have been tempered!”

“Yet, here I was, forced to wait- condemned to wonder at the fate of a dear friend for a veritable eternity! I would not wish such torture on my most hated enemy…”

The tension on his shoulders started to release, the fire in his words began to dim, and whatever appearance of civility he could muster returned. He let out a long sigh as if to release the anger through his breath, and said while attempting to sound calm, “…but you are here now, and that is what truly matters…”

“Chief…do you need a hug?”

He shot a devastating glare at her, making Alphinaud leave the room before the tempers would flare. “I’m serious!” she assured, “I wish I could have told you that I was going, but the moment sort of just…came together perfectly. Time was of the essence.” He shook his head. “I know. But truly, no reinforcements, Dia?! None whatsoever?!”

“Unless you have another fighter who can resist tempering, it’s hard to ask that of someone.”

“Ser Aymeric couldn’t even think of a contingency plan, should you have fallen?!”

Dia felt the crease of the missive from him in her pocket. She took it from the Temple Knight, who attempted to read it aloud for her, after pointing out to him, “I can read, you know”, and read it through silently before entering the amphitheatre.

“That’s the Scions’ job.”

“Well, what is their contingency plan should you have been mortally wounded? Is there a batallion of blessed champions that secretly lies in wait in the Rising Stones?” he questioned sarcastically.

“No, there isn’t.”

“Then how do they ensure your safety? Surely, they understand that if you go, so too does the future of the realm.”

She hesitated, feeling incredibly obstinate in the face of his challenges, but was ultimately forced to concede to that one with an “I don’t know.”

“There’s nothing that they do to make sure that the Savior of Eorzea can continue to save Eorzea?”

“There’s nothing they can do, I just go in and do what needs to be done.”

“But why?” he asked incredulously, “What good does it do for anyone to leave you as the only one capable of defeating these monstrosities?”

“I don’t know, Haurchefant! Okay?! I don’t know! But I am the only one, and there’s nothing that can be done to change that!” She reached the end of her rope with an argument that should have ended before it even began when she opened her mouth. It was his turn to express shock, his eyes widened and his eyebrows raised. His usually calm and collected dear friend, quick with a joke and happy to help, has put in place an impenetrable defense. She revealed a crack, however, when she took a breath and admitted, “A break would be nice.”

The two of them took a deep breath together to release the tension at the same time.

“What do you acquire from doing this, my friend?” he asked calmly, carefully tiptoeing about the topic to ensure they don’t fall back into hostility. She kept her cool and answered with a soft smile, “Adventure.” She let out a dharp breath from her nose. “I wish I knew why, but…there was always something about exploration that drew me. I love journeying into the unknown, I love seeking new paths…but sometimes, it’s nice to rest and know my surroundings.”

Haurchefant hummed in a tone that indicated both satisfaction and curiosity. “‘Tis interesting to hear your prerogative, Dia. Many take adventurers to be self-serving, glory-seeking ignoramuses.”

“That’s because a solid majority of them are just that.” She shook her head at the notion. “Glory feels rather hollow when you’ve seen just where it lands you. No, I’m an adventurer because there’s much to see and do…but I think I’ve seen enough for a while.”

He flashed his winning smile and assured, “None deserve respite more than you, my friend. Take heart, and enjoy what you have accomplished for now. I apologize if my venting of my anxieties have dampened your victory.”

She returned the smile and replied, “No, it didn’t. Call me weird, but…there’s something refreshing about someone close reminding me that what I do could kill me. Everyone always seems so sure that I’ll emerge victorious.”

‘Was there every any doubt that the Warrior of Light would succeed’, Alphinaud’s words rang in her head.

“There is never a guarantee in battle. I feel young Alphinaud should learn such a concept if he is to lead men.” Haurchefant shook his head and sat back in his chair. “You are indeed blessed as Hydaelyn’s champion, but you remain mortal, with limits. You have escaped the impossible on more than one occasion, but nothing that you’ve survived was incapable of killing you. I would much rather know that if you were in danger, that someone, preferably myself, would be there to do everything they could to protect you.”

She stared to the floor. “You very much are a knight, Chief. You couldn’t have protected me from Shiva.”

“Perhaps not, but it would be remiss of me not to try.” Haurchefant snapped back into reality when he reminded himself of orders he received. “Ah, Ser Aymeric wished to have words with you and Master Alphinaud in private. He awaits us in the Intercessory.”

“Ughhhh, do I have to?”

Haurchefant replied to her groans with laughter in his voice, “Is there something wrong with the notion?”

“I already had to accompany him back to Camp Dragonhead. If he needed to exchange words with me, he could have done so from Whitebrim, but we barely said a word to each other. We didn’t even look at each other. I don’t get it- I saved his people from a primal. Did I do something wrong here?”

Haurchefant knew exactly why the Lord Commander would do such a thing. A conference with the Warrior of Light was one thing, but a personal interaction? No work or other business to buffer? And with such a stoic hero (or so she pretends to be), seemingly larger than life? The man was probably a puddle.

“Perhaps he just wanted Master Alphinaud there to say these words to as well. Pray, go on ahead without me, Dia. Another matter requires my attention, but I shall join you anon.”

“Fine, but hurry up. I don’t want another awkward silence, especially if Alphinaud tries to harangue him into joining the Alliance again.”

“Halone be good, you must stop him if he tries again.”

“The kid’s tongue has a mind of it’s own, I swear. If he tries, maybe I’ll cast Repose on him.” Haurchefant laughed at what he hoped was a joke as she left the office to see for just what he requested privacy.

*************

Would Minfilia yell at me if I kicked Alphinaud in the head, Dia thought. For whatever genius he proclaims to be blessed with, subtlety consistently managed to escape his grasp. That in mind, she was more than a little relieved to understand fully the intention of their dealmakers. All they hid was a desire to keep the Garleans away, a desire she shared personally.

With that done, she followed the young Brave’s Commander out of the intercessory.

“Er, Dia, if I may have a moment…”

Or she would have, had Ser Aymeric not stopped her from doing so.

“I have no idea if there will ever be enough thanks for what you’ve done, but… I would like once more to say it: Thank you, Dia. Your risk was unimaginable, and that you were so willing to do it for a country you barely know… it’s astounding. While we owe the Scions much, to whom we’ll begin to repay by delivering supplies to Revenant’s Toll, I would also like to find some way to repay you personally. Mere words feel insufficient.”

Dia felt unsure what to make of the Lord Commander, but she appreciated the thought.

“Don’t worry about it”, she replied with a soft smile. She nodded to him and turned around to finally return to Revenant’s Toll.

Once she was out of the building, she retrieved the missive from her pocket, and re-read it once more to herself.

Inside the intercessory, Aymeric turned to Haurchefant with a question in mind that the lord of Camp Dragonhead could read with ease with the expression he wore on his face.

“Haurchefant, you’ve grown rather close with her, have you not?”

“As one should expect with one’s dear friends, yes. Why do you ask?” Haurchefant attempted to bury any hint of amusement.

“Have I insulted her? Has she said anything to you?”

He failed to hide it and released a closed-mouth chuckle.

“Ser Aymeric, she asked the same of you!”

His eyes widened in mortification, and his jaw dropped slightly. That he should be perceived as being insulted by someone like her, as if he had the nerve, felt unsettling.

“I…”

“She mentioned the return trip to Camp Dragonhead was… not the most pleasant of exchanges, to put it nicely. Now, Dia tends to do more than say, so it can be hard to interact; I cannot fault you for struggling to communicate. She does take some time to warm up, but with all due respect, Ser Aymeric, you must offer the hearth. I did so, and now, I couldn’t ask for a better friend and ally. You might find the same results, and clear up any misunderstandings, an important step if you truly wish to express personal gratitude.”

Aymeric kept his gaze to the floor. “Thank you for your candor, Haurchefant.” Soon after, he turned and exited the Intercessory alongside Lucia.

Haurchefant stayed behind to think. Perhaps it would be best to refrain from further intercession; ‘tis so amusing to watch Aymeric like this, he mused.

[belle-keys]

I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

[fluffymcu]

Letting Loose

Part FIFTEEN

This series is TICKLE related. Outfits that are linked here are purely for picturing the clothes, you don’t have to look like the model.

Series Summary:  You’re the little sister of the one and only Captain America. You’re also the youngest girl on the team, so that automatically makes you the avengers’ little princess. And they spoil you as such. They have become your amazing family and you don’t know where you’d be without them. This series will show random adventures and fluffy events in the daily life of the reader and her family, along with an unexpected turn later on as you read.

A/N: I’m so excited to be writing this series! This is my first time writing one and I’m a bit nervous but I hope it all goes well. :)  Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 4,593

A week later. You could say you were pretty well rested. You went to bed relatively early that night, and since you had gone running with Bucky and Sam that afternoon, you were tired so you were really able to sleep through the whole night. 

Today you were at school, writing some stuff down on your pad and copying things your teacher wrote on the board. That day, your teacher had explained that you all were going to work on a project and suggested that you all find your teammates quickly before he assigned them himself.

Many of your friends and classmates asked you, but you looked over at Ruby and saw that she hadn’t moved from her chair. “Thanks guys, but I think I already have a partner. Next time though!” You said, waving to them and making your way to her desk. When she sensed your presence, she looked up and gave you an awkward smile. “Hey! If you don’t have a partner, we can team if you want?” You shrugged. 

“Sure.” She said, clearing some stuff from her desk to make room. You both got started on your small project and soon, the time passed by and you were halfway done. That was until some kid you didn’t recognize walked through your classroom and asked for you. “I’m here for Y/n y/l/n. Someone needs her at the office.” He said. He handed your teacher a sticky note with your name on it. Mr. Thornton looked up at you and nodded. 

“Go ahead.” 

You sighed, confused but looked at Ruby Anne. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what they’re calling me for. I hate to leave you here to finish.” You said, giving her an apologetic smile. Ruby shook your head and waved you off.

“It’s cool, there’s not much more to be done anyway. I can finish it.” She said. You smiled brightly and gathered your notes and put them in your bag. You didn’t know if you were leaving school or just needed to do something quickly. But if you were leaving, then Ruby and Peter would have to too. So, you left your bag in the classroom and went with the kid.

You were walking alongside him for a few moments, noticing he had a very tired and lazy expression on his face. But then again, 90% of people at school had that face. You rounded a corner to see Peter standing in the hallway, pacing. You furrowed your eyebrows in more confusion as the kid led you closer to Peter before stopping in front of him. “Peter?” You turned to the kid and gave him your face. “Is this where I’m needed?” You asked him. The boy only shrugged and walked away. You watched him as he walked away and furrowed your brows even more if that was even possible. You were so confused. “Peter what’s going on?”

“Hey! So, I need you to do something for me.” He said. You stopped him right there, having too many questions.

“How did you get him to pull me out of class?” You asked, surprise lacing your voice.

“I gave him 5 dollars- look I know you have a lot of questions but I really need you to help me get my phone back.” He said, grabbing your wrist and taking you down the halls. 

“What? Why’d you get your phone taken away?” You asked. Peter didn’t usually get into much trouble so it surprised you that he got his phone taken away. “Wait, and why are we going towards the boy’s locker rooms?” You said, forcefully stopping in your tracks and resisting against him. Peter stopped and turned to look at you. 

“I was using it in class but I was in Ms. Abercrombie’s class and you know she doesn’t like anyone using their phones at all-”

“Then why were you using it?”

“Because I was reading up on news around the city for patrols and stuff. Anyway, I was looking at it and so she took it away and sent it to the principal’s office.” He growled. You raised your eyebrows in disbelief.

“The principal’s office? Dang, that’s extra.” You sighed.

“Yeah, so I need you to sneak into the office and get it back for me.”

“What?!” You yelled. Peter quickly shushed you and draped a hand over your mouth. “Peter why me? This is your problem. I don’t wanna get caught sneaking into the principal’s office! What are people gonna think when they see a sophomore trying to get in the principal’s office!” You whisper yelled.

“You’re not gonna get caught. That’s why we’re going through the vents.” He smiled. You widened your eyes in disbelief. Is this kid crazy? 

“Ughhhh Peterrr whyyy?” You whined, groaning when he took your hand to lead you into the locker rooms. 

“I know, I know. But I really need it back ok? I have a plan that promises you won’t get caught.” He says as you both arrive at the locker rooms, in the small hallway behind everything and where the vent is. It’s positioned high on the wall, almost on the ceiling. 

“Peter, if you got your phone taken away, I think you should just accept it and learn. They’ll give it back to you soon.” You sighed. 

“I know, but I really need it y/n. I have a lot of important information on there and plus, I’m going on patrol after school. I’m on a lead with a group of drug dealers and my phone has their info on it. So, I need it to track them down and beat the tonight. Please help me.” He begged, giving you puppy eyes. You sighed and thought. 

“Well... you need to potentially save a life, so.... fine. I’ll help you.” You smiled. Peter cheered and thanked you before giving you a hug. “But why do I have to be the one to go through the vents?” You asked. Peter chuckled.

“Because I’m too big to fit through them. Ok so, here’s the plan. The principal’s office is just: straight, pass about 2 intersections, right, left, another left, then right. Keep going until you pass the 3rd intersection and there should the air vent above his office. The screws should be easy to take off, be very quiet. I’ll give you my web shooter so you can climb up and down from the ceiling. I don’t know where he put my phone, but check in every drawer you can open. When you find it. shoot a web to the vent and retract the web to pull you up. Screw the bolts again and go back from where you came. I’ll be here waiting for you and keeping watch.” He smiled. You sighed, remembering the information and nodding.

“Okay. I think I got it.” 

Peter nodded and crawled up to take the vent door off. He hopped down and gave you his web shooter and you took it and out it on your wrist. “Don’t be nervous, you’ll do great. And don’t feel pressured either. Take your time and I’ll be here when you come back.” You nodded with a smile, still feeling slightly nervous. Peter noticed and gave you a thumbs up and locked his hands together and brought them down. You laid your foot on it and he hoisted yourself up and crawling your upper body into the vent. Your legs were dangling on the wall and you were struggling a bit to put your whole body in. 

“Ihihi think I’m stuhuhuck!” You giggled, making Peter smile. “I am sohoho horrible at stealth.” Peter smirked, looking at your legs. The backs of your knees were perfectly exposed. It was an opportunity too good to pass.

“Yeheah, you really suck at this.” He chuckled, suddenly scratching his fingers behind your knees. You squealed in surprise and burst into hysterics, kicking your legs out violently.

“Peteheheheher!!!” You brought your hand up to your mouth to stifle your giggles, since you couldn’t reach your legs. 

“What? You looked so nervous and stressed. I’m helping you ease up!” He teased, moving up to flutter his fingers a bit higher, the backs of your thighs. You shrieked and desperately started to climb, trying to get your legs in the vents, but it was no use. 

“NOHOHOO! STOHOHOP IT!!!” You laughed, now trying to slip back out of the vents and drop to the floor to escape the torture. But Peter only chuckled and grabbed your legs, lifting them back up to keep you in there before continuing his attack. “NOHOHOOO!” You cried, your laughter ringing through the vents. Peter was now openly giggling with you. 

“Not much you can do, y/n/n, you’re pretty stuck.” He smirked, squeezing up and down the back of your thighs. You cackled, the teases making this 10 times worse. You were praying that no one could hear your laughter echoing in the rooms. “Are you feeling more relaxed now?” He asked, grabbing your leg and scratching behind you knee, holding your ankle to keep you from kicking your leg out. 

“YEHEhhhhhehes!” You wheeze, erupting into bubbly residual laughter when he let your leg go. You lay there, completely immobile as you pant and catch your breath. Peter smiles up at you though you can’t see him and chuckles.

“Ok. So now that you're less nervous, thanks to me,” He says, making you roll your eyes. “You should be ready to go! Remember the steps?” He asked.

“Yup.” You say, grunting as you once again try to climb in. Peter grabs your legs and pushes you up to help you crawl in once you're in the vents, you stick out your hand to give him a thumbs up. Peter does the same and you start crawling through the school. “Okay, one, two, right.” You mumble to yourself. “1…2 lefts.” “Right. 1, 2, 3. Here.”

You reach the vent look down to see the principal’s desk below you. You check to see if it’s empty. It is. You then quietly unscrew the screws and gently let the door open. You take a deep breath and let your legs down first, shooting a web at the top of the vent and slowly reel down. You begin to look around the drawers of the office, checking in all the drawers of his desk. They’re empty. You sigh, looking around and a filing cabinet catches your eye. You walk towards it and find that the drawers are locked.

You look around and finally spot a set of keys hanging on the corkboard next to the door. “Bingo.” You grab the keys and unlock the cabinets. You smile as you find Peter’s cracked phone in the 3rd cabinet. You quickly grab it putting everything back the way it was, and retracting the web to lift you back up into the vents. “Like I was never hereee.” You say in a smug voice. You were pretty proud of yourself for doing something like this and not messing up. After tightening the screws again, you make your way back through the maze.

You stick your head out and see Peter sitting on the ground resting against the wall. “It’s official. I'm the world’s greatest spy.” You quipped. Peter grins at you and stands up.

“Awesome! You were amazing, I know it! Thank you so so much.” He sighs, helping you down. You giggle and hand him the phone.

“It was really fun actually.” You admitted. Peter nudged your ribs with his elbow, causing you to breathe out a laugh.

“I bet it was. Thanks again. Now I can get back to my leads.” He says, looking through the phone. “I’ll walk you back to class.”

Thankfully class wasn’t over yet, so you were able to return and finish the project with Ruby. You finished the rest of your classes and the school day went by. The 3 of you went home and did your chores; homework, laundry, etc.

------

 After you had all finished your chores, the team was in a meeting discussing a few things with Secretary Ross in the council room, so the 3 of you were hanging out in the theater room with a movie on. Godzilla was playing. However, you three weren’t really watching the movie. This happened a lot because you would eat all your snacks and get into a sugar rush, which ended up with you guys goofing around and jumping all over the place. Ruby Anne was kind of chuckling a bit as you and Peter flew around the recliner couches, jumping on them and doing acrobatic movements. You and Peter were challenging each other by giving each other moves they had to copy.

“Okay y/n/n do this.” Peter panted, jumping up in the air and doing a backflip, landing right back on the couch. You giggled and attempted to do it, put you didn’t have enough momentum, causing you fall flat on your back. You both burst into giggles and you slowly got up once you caught your breath.

“Thahat’s not fahair! You know I can’t do backflips.” You said, clutching your stomach from laughing so much. Peter chuckled and nodded at you.

“Tough cheese, y/n/n. Your turn.” He quipped. You growled at his phrase before smirking and grabbing one of the throw pillows.

“Okay… do… THIS!” You said, smacking him on the head, causing him to fall off the couch. That made Ruby Anne laugh a bit, covering her mouth to hide her smile. Peter groaned and sat up, giving you a knowing look.

“Ooh. Wrong choice of words.” He chuckled before grabbing a pillow. You scream at your realization and start to run around the theater, moving through the aisles of the couches and ducking behind them when he launches a pillow at you.

You both continue to chase each other around until you finally man up face him, commencing the official pillow fight. You're giggling hysterically, closing your eyes and throwing your pillow around blindly, repeatedly aiming for wherever you felt him.

After a moment you heard Peter grunt and pick you up from your waist and throw you down on the couch. You open your eyes and see him straddle you before whacking your face again and again. You raise your hands up to protect your face, still giggling uncontrollably. Peter grins at your attempts to protect yourself and digs his hand under your arm, causing you to shriek and bring your arms down. He cheers victoriously and starts to whack you again. “RUHUHUBY HEHEHELP!” You say, hoping that she’d at least tell him something. But before she could even say anything, Peter turned to look at her.

“Don’t even think about it or you're next to feel my pillow wrath.” He threatened. Ruby chuckled and stayed put, a slight blush on her face. You cackled as you tried to grab hold of his pillow but he kept ripping it out of your grasp.

“OHOHOW YOHOURE SITTING ON MY RIHIHIB! AHAHAND IT TIHICKLES! BUT IT HUHUHURTS!” You cry, making Peter laugh and move his knee from your ribs. You finally rip his pillow out of his hands and you press it on his face and push until he's on his back. You hop off the couch, giving him a hard smack with the pillow before running away, deciding to sit next to Ruby to potentially use her as a shield. Peter rounds the couch and has a wide smirk of his face.

“What, you think she’ll protect you? I’ll get her too!” He laughed and started to whack Ruby on the head. Since he didn’t know how she reacted to rough play, he kept the hits light, but fair. Ruby started to giggle, something you haven’t heard out of her yet. You grin and begin to whack her as well with your own pillow, eventually turning into a 3-person fight; Peter attacking you again after Ruby, and her attacking Peter.

Amidst the fight, Ruby felt herself feeling more and more attracted to Peter. His silly personality was very appealing and though it may be surprising, she liked guys that goofed around. Peter had a confidence that she didn’t see in many guys, while still being humble. This crush has been going on hard for 2 weeks now. She wondered if she should tell him straight away or not. Ruby Anne was a very direct person. She liked to be certain of things and she didn’t like to doubt stuff; it wasted her time. If she told him right away, at least she’d know if he felt the same for sure, right? Then if he didn’t reciprocate her feelings, she wouldn’t be wasting her time chasing something she wasn’t gonna get. It hurts less this way. She thought.

------

You're exhausted, sprawled out on the floor with your pillow a few feet away from you. Peter is doubled over on the backrest of the couch, looking lifeless. Ruby is panting on the couch and holding the pillow to her chest. It was a long battle.

Right then, Tony walked in to the theater room and made a woozy face. “What happened here?” He chuckled. “Looks like this place had an earthquake of its own.”

“We had a pillow fight.” Peter said, still not moving from his position on the couch. Tony chuckled and shook his head. He noticed Ruby on the couch and smiled, liking that she’s been hanging around you guys more.

“Ah. Well I'm glad you kids had fun. Meetings done. We’re about to start dinner.” You perked up at the sound of food and you got up.

“I’ll help! To speed up the process. Cause I'm hungry.” You smiled cheekily at Tony as you passed by him. He shook his head fondly at you before ruffling your hair.

-----

You were so happy tonight because you were helping Nat and Wanda make Chicken Alfredo for dinner; one of your favorite dishes. Since Wanda was vegan, she was making a small separate pot of pasta without chicken. When dinner was ready, you all sat at the table and ate, everyone wanting seconds and thirds. “This delicious and nutritious meal has definitely satisfied my hunger! I always enjoy when we have this meal.” Thor boomed, stuffing another spoonful of pasta. Everyone else agreed, thanking the three of you for cooking. You all continued to talk over dinner, Tony going over a few points that they discussed in the meeting, and when everyone was finished, you and Pietro stayed behind to help Wanda clean up the kitchen.

After a while, you were washing the dishes when you looked behind you to see Pietro looking bored out of his mind. He was staring out into nothing, lost in thought. You smirked and lifted a hand from the sink, flicking some water off to get it at him. He flinched with a look of disgust, coming back to reality. “Ugh! What was that for?!”

“Look alive Pietro! We’re cleaning!” You said cheerily, to tease him. Pietro grumbled and continued to wipe down the counters with the wet rug. He passed by behind you and pressed the clod wet rag against the back of your neck, making you squeal and shrug your shoulders up. You growled and got your hand wet again before flicking it on him. He had the same reaction for a split second but this time he looked at you with a look that told you you were screwed. Before you could even think, Pietro scooped you up and started blowing raspberries on your belly. You instantly fell into loud belly laughter. “NOHOHOOO IVE BEEN TICKLED ENOHOHOHOUGH TODAHAHAHAY!” You cried, letting your head hang backwards and you desperately pushed at his head.

“Not by me!” He teased, tightening his grip on you and rubbing his stubble up and down your belly. “Besides, its not my fault you’ve been a cheeky little thing today. Maybe you deserved everything you got!”

You shook your head as you laughed, Wanda smirking at your desperate laughter as she continued to dry the dishes and put them away. Just then, Steve came into the kitchen and grinned at your predicament. As soon as you saw him, (you don’t know why, but you did) you reached out to him for help. “STE-STEHEHEVE PLEHEHEASE TELL HIM TO STOHOHOP!” You whined. Steve chuckled and grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it up with water.

“Try biting her ribs, she loooves that!” He said, winking at you teasingly.

“NOOOOOOHOHO!”

Pietro hummed thoughtfully and began to nibble at your ribs, making you convulse in his grip. “AHAHAHAA! PLEHEHEASE!” You beg. Steve watches you freak out as he leans against the counter, the corner of his eyes wrinkling a bit as he smiles. You think you're gonna die at the hands of the blonde haired speedster tonight. Or you did, because Wanda finally came to your rescue by telling them to stop.

“Okay boys, don’t kill her,” She chuckles. Pietro lets you go after a few seconds and you wobble over to the counter to lean on it, since your legs feel like jelly. You're still letting out tired giggles and Wanda steps closer to you. “We’ll handle the rest of the kitchen. Go rest, okay?” She says, giving your back a small rub before going back to work. “That means you're helping too, Steve.” She says, giving him a look. You smile and stick your tongue at your brother before leaving the kitchen and throwing yourself on the living room couch.

You're there for about 10 minutes before you feel the cushions dip quickly, Peter having jumped over the couch and landing between your legs. You were laid face down so you couldn’t see who it was, but you knew it was Peter by the way the cushions felt when he landed on them. “Hey, you asleep?” He asked. You turned around on your back to look at him.

“Not really. What's up.” You asked.

“Wanna go outside to the tree swing?” He asked. You smiled and nodded, putting on your shoes before following him outside. You both reached the swing that was pretty far away and you took a seat on it, Peter offering to push you.

You both talked and laughed, talking about the usual things, school, upcoming tests, gossip about girls you don’t really get along with in school, and everything else that came with teenager talk.

After a few minutes, you grinned as you had an idea to jump off the swing. You were going pretty fast and high but for some reason you weren’t scared at the moment. You hopped off, flying in the air for 2 seconds before falling down. You land on your feet but you kinda stumble down right after; but you catch yourself with your hands and stand up. “Nice!” Peter chuckles, walking around to the other side of the tree, where a strong thick rope was tied. “Think you can hang from the rope upside down, like I do?” He challenged. You giggled, walking to where he was and looked at the rope. It looked strong enough, you thought. With a nod, you jump up and grab it, using your core to lift your legs and hang upside down. Your holding your weight with your hands on the rope, and your kind of in a Spider Man position, except your legs stretched out and dangling instead of resting on the rope near your hands. “Wooow look at you!” Peter sings and you start to laugh, suddenly getting nervous. You feel your hands losing their grip on the rope.

“Okay nononono put me down put me down!” You squeak. Peter chuckles and loops his hands under your arms and you let go, flopping onto him, your back to his chest. You ler out a relieved giggle and you both sit down on the grass. It’s getting dark and the stars are becoming visible. You and Peter stargaze and make conversation again, and before you know it all the events of today have made you exhausted and you drifted to sleep. Peter looks at you to see you sound asleep and he smiles to himself, before gently carrying you, careful not to wake you up and takes you to your bedroom. He lays you on your bed and tucks you in before whispering goodbye to you.

-----

Ruby had seen Peter take you to your bedroom so she decided to wait for him down the hall. She was going to be forward and confess her feelings for Peter.

Finally Peter came out of your rom and started to walk down the hall before Ruby called out to him. “Hey, uhh Peter. Do you have a moment?” She asks. Peter smiles and nods, coming close to her. “Sure. What's up.” She takes a deep breath before speaking up to him. “Okay, so… I have been kinda wanting to tell you this for a bit now, so I'm just gonna say it.” She says, pausing. “I have a crush on you.—I like you kinda like a lot, and I was wondering If you felt the same? I f you don’t, that’s completely fine, I understand but I just thought I would tell you so I would know for sure…” She hums, her words dying out at the end.

Peter stood there, shocked and unsure of what to say. He felt so bad. “Oh…” He said.

“Oh?” Ruby echoed, looking up at him, shifting in her weight a lot. Peter shakes his head to get in the game and looks up at her.

“Umm… I'm- I really uhh- appreciate your honesty. Thank you for telling me. But umm,,, I- I kinda have a crush on… someone else.” He sighs, pressing his lips in a fine line.

Ruby nods slowly but fully, already knowing who he meant and smiling a bit. “Is it... y/n?” She asks. Peter stays silent for a minute before looking down at the floor, blushing and barely nodding. Ruby smiled tightly. “Yeheah, I thought so. I see the way you look at her sometimes.” She chuckles. “That’s cool though, she’s a really nice girl,,, Well, thanks for the talk.” She smiles a bit and turns to leave. Peters eyes widen a bit and he reaches his hand out.

“But wait Ruby Anne!” She paused and turned around to look at him, waiting for him to say something. “I hope this... doesn’t change anything, or you know, set things back. W-We’re good right? We’re still friends?” He asks, playing with his fingers a bit. He would hate for all their progress to be lost over this.

Ruby half smiles and nods a bit. “Yeah, were good.”

Peter nods, sighing in relief. “Great. Oh, and can you not...like... tell her? About this? I-I wanna wait until the time is,, right.” He said, knowing himself that he wasn’t planning on telling you anytime soon, at least until a couple of years when you’re older so as to not ruin what you have now.

“Of course, yeah I get it. Night.” She nods.

“Thank you. Goodnight Ruby.” He sighed. After that, they both went to their own rooms and went to bed as well. Sure, Ruby was a bit disappointed, but she didn’t feel jealous or envious. Now at least she knew for sure, and could move on quicker than she would if she had manifested those feelings for longer and longer until it would hurt more to let those feeling go. And that was okay with her.

[kuroosweakness]

Hi Lia! Hope you are doing well. I don't know if you are taking requests at the moment, but before I blabber out anything let me just tell you that your blog is one of my comfort blogs, like whenever I feel dejected (which is often), I just come to your Kuroo writings and get a fresh dose of serotonin, endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine, no matter how many times I re-read them.

Okay so here's the thing! It's kind of comfort/self-indulgent of sorts. So, like the scenario is that the reader is insecure that maybe they are too smart, studious/nerdy and independent for Kuroo. Like normally they are indifferent and doesn't even bother what is happening around, but at times they feel slightly sad when all the girls flock around Kuroo, to help them with studies or any other tasks. They know very well that some of them purposely come to him to see him and to spend time with him (Like he is so charismatic!!). But Kuroo being a sweet and helpful senior can never deny them. So reader has thoughts like "I wish I were dumb and stupid", which of course somehow Kuroo gets to know and consoles them. Like you know saying stuff like "I love your beautiful mind", "only you can find the stupid faults in my pickup lines", "genuinely laugh at my chemistry jokes", "you are my partner-in-crime" etc etc.

Feel free to shorten this request and add more characters if you feel like, as per your convenience but I am not over with my rant yet. I hope you won't mind, I just needed to vent out.

So basically the thing is I am a NERD and there are many reasons on why I love Kuroo but most importantly I feel like I could have mentally stimulating conversations with him since he is an officially recognized chem dork by the fandom. And um since I am passionate about chemistry along with every other subject under the sky (Nerd things, yeah!), so you know. But usually in most of the fics it is shown that the reader is not good at studies, and asks him for help and him being cheeky, and helping the reader out by tutoring them, like nothing wrong in that but at times I feel left out because I honestly don't need any help with my homework or any tutoring in study dates. I am at top of my work even though I procrastinate a lot. How about discussing cool stuff about the subjects that we study over such sessions? Another pathetic thing that I have observed is this disastrous pick up line used in Kuroo fics (I am sorry if you have ever mentioned it or liked it. I don't mean to hurt you) is that - "Are you a compound made up of Beryllium and Barium because you are a total BaBe"..... Like ughhhh give me a break! Beryllium and Barium have the same oxidation state of +2 , so they can't really combine to form a compound duhhh!!! Or maybe I don't know, probably Kuroo won't like a smart or studious s/o?

Anyways, I am sorry if I wasted your time and thank you if you read all of it. Sending you loads of love and take no stress. You have the complete liberty to not write this request and if you choose to write this then thank you so much <3 <3

omg hi there! i get where you're coming from!! and to answer your question, he'd most definitely love having a nerdy s/o who'll geek out over things that stimulates his brain! to be able to have complex talks and arguments with you is one of his favorite past times :) he'll talk about the things that he wonders about to you and whenever he comes across a trick question/puzzle, he'll go to you like "can you figure this out? i've been stuck on it for ages!"

and if you figure it out easily, he'll be dumbfounded ahahha

i'm very very glad that this is a comfort blog for you :' in all honesty, it's a comfort blog for me too. it feels wonderful to be able to have a platform where i can share my thoughts and interact with others who have the same ideas

about the scenario, i'd be happy to write it! but firstly, do not ever wish you're dumb and dependent >:( whaaa the things i'd trade for your brain???

- your independence and intelligence are traits that kuroo looks up to. although you're already his s/o, your independence gives him chances to seek your attention and love, all while having the reassurance that you love him already. he can have fun teasing you and chasing after you for affection, all while knowing he'll get the love back!

i don't know if this is making sense lol but kuroo wouldn't fall behind or cling onto you, instead find his own ways to turn your independence into something he finds a lot of joy in. and also because he's quite independent and busy himself, he totally understands you!

and yes, there will most likely be a flock of girls (and guys 👀) lined up outside his door to spend time with him (kuroo and his charismatic charms that are too good for their own sake) he makes it quite clear that's he's already taken and has zero interest in them besides helping out! but also, getting other peoples' attention does feel good, so his schedule involves a lot of tutoring and helping others.

except it's not a pretty sight when you walk into the library where you're supposed to meet him, and see the close proximity between him and the girl he's "tutoring"

who said that he doesn't need your help?? help goes both ways!! kuroo would go to you and seek your help and attention :) and also because he likes to have an excuse to spend time with you, all while understanding the concepts he's been struggling with!

if you ever have those "i wish i was dumb and stupid" thoughts, (which 1. you should literally NEVER BE HAVING) then kuroo would likely notice *somehow*

idk it's like his 6th sense...to connect actions and facial expressions with thoughts. he'll teasingly tell you "if you didn't have that brain and personality of yours, who'll i go to for help? you're supposed to be my plan A here"

no but seriously, what'll he ever do without you? you're making him feel *negative feelings* when you have those thoughts!

and so the conversation will turn into him covering your face in small kisses. he'll hold the sides of your face and stare at the top of your head, saying something ridiculous like "i'd kiss your brain too if i could"

and of course, you'll nudge him and he'll laugh.

you're genuinely the only one he loves giving those pick-up lines and complex jokes, mostly because 1. he loves your laugh 2. you're the only one who understands! you two will have many, many inside jokes that no one else knows about, and he thinks that's special

also, less and less girls will start going to him for help after he keeps dropping those "yeah no problem...review on monday? sorry 'bout that, i'm hanging out with my s/o that day"

or "oh, it's okay to not understand this. i didn't know what was going on until my s/o taught it to me"

~~~

YES having mentally stimulating conversations with him!!!! deep talks!! not only would you be able to have deep and complex convos with him, but also light hearted ones about movie characters, songs...he's a very open-minded person and that's what i love about him :'

how. are. you. so. smart. and. on. top. of. things. gimme ur skills and motivations D:

although you don't need tutoring on study dates, kuroo would search up difficult problems that requires a lot of critical thinking and *poof* hopefully, you'll be stuck and he'll feel all proud for knowing something you don't (bonk him on the head for me)

but if you do figure it out, he'll be like o_o the whole rest of the study date

RIGHT !! BaBe does not work together lollll (omg i've never thought about their oxidation states :0) but it's still a cute joke in a way :)

but yeah, i don't like those scientific jokes very much either. they get old after a while D:

if kuroo ever drops that joke on you, tell him to do better and he'll laugh and walk away, later trying to think of a better and accurate one

wdym kuroo won't like a studious s/o ?!!!! OF COURSE HE WOULD

~~~

no time wasted here! :) i hope my insights and thoughts were good enough because i didn't really do much writing :'D again, kuroo would be head over heels for you. *sends a handful of love and me and my neighborhood stray cat that reminds me of kuroo* <33

[hotchley]

I would LOVE to be an emoji! Can I be 🐨?

Yeah, the American education system is...interesting. In the average year we do math and reading MAPs, and math, reading and science MCAs twice. Plus the big college admission tests: the PSAT, ACT, and SAT (though most of us will only do two of those three). Plus, of course, an excessive amount of homework! Yeah, I wonder where the burnout part of gifted kid burnout comes from (read that with utter sarcasm).

I’m the same way with my writing! For some reason it just works *better* at night. That might be why my sleep schedule is horrendous, but I recently discovered the wonders of coffee, so I’m doing okay for now.

Balance is so important and yet so hard to achieve. By the time we actually have those to chill, we feel about not working on something or the other. For me, when I take time to read fics I feel bad that I’m not using that free time to work on writing or music.

But on the bright side, writing does come with the wonderful Tumblr community of writers! Including my new honorary sister, apparently. I’m the younger of two but I’m not close with my brother, so this is fun.

RIP to your bullet journal.

Also, my friend and I had a shockingly aggressive argument over how Hotch drinks his coffee the other day. She says it has to be burning hot, I say he would totally chug cold coffee for the caffeine. Thoughts?

(This was a very long ask, sorry bout that)

YES OF COURSE YOU CAN!

Wow I’m going to pretend that all made sense. Here in England, you pick your GCSEs at the age of thirteen/fourteen depending on what year you’re in. My school does it in year eight (13) but others do it in year nine (14). Maths, English, Double Science and in most places, RS are compulsory and almost everyone has to do either a language or a humanities.

I did Maths, English Language, English Literature, Triple Science, RS, History, French and Business Studies. It was definitely stressful. There are so many college admissions tests?? Here, you do three A-Levels or a BTec, write a personal statement and depending on the course/uni maybe an admissions test but that varies.

Part of it for me is that I think less about the quality at night because I am already tired so I just write down whatever feels right! Oooh coffee... don’t overdo it though! I have it occasionally, mainly because I’m not a huge fan of hot coffee.

I know! I’ll be reading something and enjoying it but then my brain goes: There are people waiting for the third chapter of aaron and all those other things you said you were going to write and then I’m like: ughhhh. Even though I know people are lovely and wouldn’t want anyone feeling like that!

Music is fun! But remember: things are more fun when you don’t force yourself to do them!!

Yes it does! I love the writers on her, they’re so sweet (the ones that I interact with anyways because all the Hotch angst people run in circles around each other it’s quite fun actually) And yep! I’m your honorary sister now! If anyone else would like a younger sister that will let you vent and low-key be your therapist, I am here!

I revived the bullet journal by going back and filling in my highlight of the day and my mood tracker- which has gotten very chaotic- and I made a to-do list for today! (which literally says: make bed because I slept funny and now my stuff has gone all weird)

Hotch and coffee? Right, okay! In the morning, he will literally burn his tongue trying to drink it because Jack needs to get to school and he needs to get in to make the coffee for everyone else cos his is the best and he needs the caffeine. However, throughout the day, it doesn’t really matter because even if the coffee has gone freezing cold, if he’s in the middle of something, he won’t even realise because he will just want the energy. There comes a point where the team will replace his mug without him even realising. He’s also a massive fan of the various festive drinks but because he has a reputation to uphold, he pretends not to.

Don’t be sorry! I love getting asks of any length! They’re so much fun!!

[punchmedanny]

Im about to rant about my life and its completely off topic for this blog. CW for anger/negativity

I'm so fucking angry. My therapist has suggested I try volunteering for some time now and I haven't. Today I was just thinking about how lonely I am and how I really don't have any way to meet irl people besides tinder lol so I thought fuck it. Let's give volunteering some actual thought.

Because of my pcs I have definitely limitations for what I can do. I'd love to work with animals but I dont think that's really a viable option because the noise and physicality would be too much. Whatever I do would need to be quiet and not at all physically demanding. So I thought what about like an lgbt center?

So I went online to see about the one in my area. However I discovered the nearest one is nearly a 2 hour drive away! That ain't gonna work cuz I can only drive 30-45 minutes before I need to rest. And I know I wouldnt be able to drive home after actually volunteering. So then I got so pissed that there arent accessible lgbtq+ resources for people in my area

After decided I probably wouldn't be up to starting a local center myself I thought okay what else do I care about? People with head injuries. So I was like is there even like a national organization for people with head injuries let alone a branch within driving distance for me?

So I googled "post concussion syndrome" to see if like an organization came up. Of course it didn't. But an interesting looking scholarly paper about living with pcs did so I clicked that. I started reading it and almost all of their research was on male athletes!

I mean ive knew that already but I hasnt thought about it in awhile. Its particularly agregious because women are statistically more likely to suffer from pcs than men but almost no research on pcs includes women. Ughhhh. I fucking hate sexism in healthcare so much. Regardless, I continued reading

I came to a section that said non aerobic exercise can hell with pcs recovery. That would've been great to hear from literally any dr in the past 2+ years but whatever. Then it said that the study they were citing only had TWELVE participants. Wtf??? That is not enough people to know fuck all about shit. Like dont come to me making statements as if they're the proven truth when you only looked at a dozen people. That's just bad science. I know that and my degree isn't even in a stem stem field! It's in English with an emphasis on fiction writing!

At that point I had to close out of chrome because I was about to literally yeet my phone across the room and this bitch sint got the dollars for a new one

ANYWAY I just needed to vent and the the only 2 people I talk to are busy rn so here yall go. Also if anyone has ideas for me on meeting new people/volunteering lmk. Be prepared for me to shoot it down tho because I have a lot of limitations due to my pcs and living in the boonies

[sugirandom]

Low-key stress stuff under the cut...it got long because I’m bad at keeping stuff short when I have feelings I guess... 

So, being here has been a lot of emotional ups and downs. On the surface level I really like my job, my coworkers are nice and helpful...but at the same time it is hard work and it also seems like I’m only satisfied if the kids appreciate the class...it’s really hard for me to feel satisfied when I’m teaching a class of kids that are there because their teachers made them come and they have no real invested interest in English...and I don’t even blame the kids...these kids work their butts off in school, probably have an after-school sport or other activity to go to and then they come to our place...so they don’t get much actual playtime...

I mean our place does strive to make English fun but it doesn’t come naturally in every room we have at our school. I try to just shrug that part off and for the most part I’m doing fine with that but...like...

It’s hard work...it’s a long day...even if I might have brief moments to sit down in-between I’m standing for several hours a day which make my knees quite miserable. That and I’ve felt a little bit of...um well my bosses and H.R. acting kind and flexible iat first, like when it comes to .my inflamed knees for example...where I thought I was going to be allowed to get out of a class that would be difficult for me to do  with physical therapy forms from home but then H.R.  later decides I need a note from a Japanese teacher...

so yeah...okay...no reason for it other than “we’re a Japanese company.” but whatever...so I went to the doctor...got x-rays...told him why I was there...and he looks at my knees and basically tells me it’s not that big of a problem so he doesn’t feel comfortable writing a note to get me out of that class. It’s basically a class where we have to teach the kids a choreographed dance...right...so he sees I have problems with my knees...and btw my back is getting worse since that showed up on the freaking x-ray and this is the first time it has in years (used to only show up on an MRI) but sure...just give me some pain meds, charge me for the x-ray and send me on my way.

The only thing I know for certain is I will do everything in my power to not be placed in that class...we can make switches with our coworkers before class if there’s a mutual agreement so I’ll probably do that...and if that fails...guess what? I’m still not dancing...it will be an awkward experience for the kids, me, and whoever is watching but I don’t give a damn...my health is more important...this will really be a test of this company. 

so...mehh some things are good some things are mehh...not to mention we’ll basically be required to put in overtime the last week of March and that’s not sitting well with me either...it is again a case of I like being in Japan...the neighborhood I live in is nice, the people I meet when I’m off work are nice, working at this place is mehh and depending on how they handle me not getting the doctor’s note (I may be paranoid but I almost feel like they insisted I get a note from a Japanese doctor because they knew it wouldn’t be an issue to a Japanese doctor...since I had the same problem two years ago when I saw a doctor in Kyoto but IDK). I’m disappointed because I’d like to stay here the year but...if it’s going to be too much for my health I might not be able to....we’ll see...nothing is final either way yet...btw I’m just now starting to feel better...I’ve been sick for a little over a moth since the cold decided to change into bad allergies and...the doctor gave me hella weak medicine so I didn’t start feeling better until the package with stuff from home arrived in the mail. 

I don’t want you guys to worry about me though...I’m fine...just a little bit of struggle...On the positive end I’ve basically solidified the idea that I feel this standard 9-5 lifestyle really isn’t for me and that ideally I’d like to pursue something closer to a freelance/independently employed lifestyle if I can figure out how to do it and make a living...Poppy and I are talking about vacation plans in August too but like...I’m getting anxious and the only thing that’s keeping me somewhat sane internally is my attempt to just tackle one day at a time even though my brain doesn’t work that way at all...I still don’t sleep well...

Anyway, I guess my rant is over...I’m just venting...who knows? Maybe I’ll be able to squeeze out of that class for a little longer if my coworkers take mercy on me... I don’t know...thinking is hard. 

I at least had a nice massage today and did karaoke yesterday...that was nice... ughhhh can someone pay me to go to karaoke for a living? ughhhh I also bought copic markers but have no drive to draw so...I’m not using them...I’m sorry I was supposed to be done here...