#uhmmm i’m Dumb so i didn’t see much of anything coming

[jjkxlv]

All The Better For Seeing You

↷Summary: Everything with him was so perfect. He was so good to you. But it was his friends inside his circle that seems to have an opposite opinion with him....about you.

↷Genre: Angst, fluff, established relationship, Jungkook oneshot, Jungkook x reader

↷Warnings: Slut shaming, calling names (gold digger etc) that's all i think

↷Word count: 2.2k

↷Taglist: @pjmochii @iamnamjoonsbxtch @jkreadinglist

That Friday night was just like every other Friday night that you and Jungkook had went through. Jungkook would want take you to the club which him and his friend always go every Friday night to get a drink or two together. Usually you would always find excuse to join him so that you don’t have come face to face with his friend. You know how they feel towards you. They’re not so fond of you the moment Jungkook had introduced you as his girl and till now you never know why. They had never told you why though. But Jungkook doesn’t aware of that. It’s not because he doesn’t care but you just good at keeping secret.

That night, since you couldn’t find a reason to not join him, Jungkook had dragged you to get you ready for the casual meet up.

“Do I really have to do this?” you whined hoping maybe he let you go again this time. “Of course you have to baby. Plus it’s been a while since you and my friend last met.” He answered also using the same tone you’re using. “But I don’t want to” you say softly while rubbing a circular motion around his hand. “But why? Is there any reason why you don’t want to meet my friend baby? Are they making you uncomfortable?” he asked, patiently waiting for your answer. “Noo, it’s not that” you fell silent. You’d been contemplating whether to tell him or not about the beef going around on his friend with you. “Fine, I’ll go”

 The ride to the club feels very unnecessary long. Everything looks stretched out to you. Something about going with him tonight doesn’t feels right to you but you never said anything. Only fidgeting with your fingers to calm your nerves. “Is there anything you’re hiding from me”. Jungkook asked, breaking the comfortable silence. “Uhmmm, nothing? why?”. You replied, timidly knowing that he sensed something. “Nothing, you just seem out of place since we got out of the house. Is everything alright?” he asked once again wanting you to spill anything to him. “Everything’s alright I promise you. I’m just nervous I guess. You know since I last met your friend was a long time ago. Kinda having the first time jittery all over again. You giggled slightly. Jungkook smiled softly at your response. “You know that was unnecessary. They all love you” he said. Oblivious to the fact that some of his friend has never get their liking towards you since the moment they laid their eyes on you. “I know, I’m sorry” you said softly. ‘There’s nothing you should be sorry about angel” he said while slightly glanced at your side. His eyes meeting yours and you both fell into fit of gigles. The car rides continue with some small talk here and there until you arrived at the club.

Hand in hand, you and Jugkook entered the club. With the club owner being one of Jungkook’s close friend, you both easily got into the club without having to wait in the long line to enter it. Making your way passed the heavy crowd, your hands never leaving Jungkook worried that you might get lost in the massive crowd. The club is one of the infamous club known at the place both of you lived. So the big crowd was understandable.

When you and Jungkook arrived at the VIP lounge, you already feel judging stares from his friends. “Oh look who finally decided to show up!” Taehyung said loudly making everyone stares at you and giving you ‘the look’ making you feel slightly uncomfortable. “What’s it with you and your tone” Jungkook asked annoyed by the feeling that his friend is mocking you who suddenly shows up at the weekly gathering. “Woah! Don’t go with the all overprotective boyfriend thingy on me, I’m just excited that we get to see y/n’s angelic face again since you decided to not bring her on every gathering we had in the past” he said while pretending to be smiling. “She’s just been busy. Isn’t that right baby?” Jungkook asked including you in the conversation. “I am plus we barely even have time to spend together. So, I decided maybe I can spend some time with him here tonight. You said smiling at Taehyung. “Is that so? Anyways, are you guys planning on standing there the whole night come and sit with us” he said, making space for both of you. You sat next to Jungkook and had join their conversation every now and then.

Talking for a long time was making Jungkook’s throat crave for waters. So, he suddenly got up to get the water to lubricate his drying throat. “Wait, where are you going?” you asked getting confused but you got up anyways ready to follow him to wherever. “I’m just gonna get us drinks. What do you want? Some Coke?” he asked. “Can I just follow you?” you asked feeling nervous by the fact that he was leaving you alone with his friends. “It’s okay, I managed, you should sit here and relax. You look tensed” he said, noticing your jitters. “O-oh okay then, coke is fine” you said. Already feeling suffocated. He nods and went to grab the drinks. You sat back at the sofa and brought up your phone to scroll you Instagram in order to avoid conversation with his friends. But you didn’t go unnoticed by his friends.

“So y/n, it’s been a long time huh” Namjoon, one of his friend said. “Yeah it’s been a long time” you replied not really wanting to start any conversation with them. “We didn’t expect you and Jungkook gonna last this long. You know since you only like him for his money and all” he added. With a perplexed look, you looked at him and asked. “What do you mean?” “Oh come on y/n playing dumb doesn’t suits you” he said. “No, I really mean it. What do you mean I’m with him for his money?” you asked again wanting explanation. Is this all of this about? Are they saying that you’re a gold digger? “Like we don’t know miss y/l/n. The time you met Jungkook was when you in desperate need of money and Jungkook just happened to like you at that time and you being the gold digger slash slut that you are you shoot your shot” he explained.All of JUngkook’s other friends nodding in agreement. All of the peoples at the lounge focus was now unfortunately on you. You don’t like it. Their stares make you feel 10,000 times small. Did they just call you a slut?

“I’m not a slut nor a gold digger. Stop calling me names” you said under your breath but unfortunately Namjoon heard it. “What did you said y/n? stop calling you names? Oh I’m sorry but that’s just who you are” he said getting annoyed by the fact that you had the courage to even talk back. “Y-you know nothing about me. Why you all just assume things? Is that why you never like me since the first time” you said eyes getting teary and the sob you’re holding back down your throat doesn’t helping at all. Why does it take so long for Jungkook to grab 2 glass of drinks? “Break up with him” Yuna one of Jungkook longest friend said with a stern voice. “W-what?” you asked softly not trusting your own voice. “Are you deaf” she said while walking up to you. They always verbally bully you but it never it never gets physical but with Yuna walking up to you now, your mind was racing with thousands of thoughts. Afraid of what’s going to happen next you got up and ready to ran but she quickly gets your wrist. “Where are you going? Are you going to tell your boyfriend? Are you scared y/n? Did we scared you?” she said with that annoying high pitched voice.

“I said break up with him you slut!” she said while clenching her teeth “You’re not like us. Look at us we have everything that you can only wished you have. We are gonna be somebody someday. You and him doesn’t match y/n. Can’t you see that? I see you not just deaf but you’re also blind” she said while slightly pushed your forehead with her index finger. “S-stop” you said while trying to grab her finger to stop her. By now the tears were no longer held back. “Y/n can’t you see? Jungkook doesn’t even like you that much. He’s just playing around. Every fucking human in this room knows that he’s gonna end up with people on our level. Hell I don’t think his parents gonna like you if they ever meet you” he said breaking your self-esteem piece by piece. “Why are you being mean? I never did anything for you guys to hate me this much” “Don’t you get it y/n?! you.are.not.like.us. Your poor ass doesn’t fit us” she said again now patting your head. “Stop crying nobody cares” you not sure who but it’s some people behind Yuna. “Now please get the fuck out of here before you’ll taste someone’s fist” Yuna said while roughly pushed you onto the wall. Without a second thought you get off there and sprinted to the women’s toilet while gently wiping your tears away.

Fortunately, Jungkook saw you going on a full speed to the toilet while wiping your face. Had you been crying? What happened?

Jungkook”s POV

While getting my drinks done the bar tender suddenly went out to the kitchen to grab some stock for the drinks that’ll be needed tonight. He asked me if I can wait a little longer and of course I said yes because I don’t think I’m rushing for anything tonight since you’re here with me I don’t have to rush home. So I wait while scrolling Instagram to kill times. But I lost count how long did I wait but I’m sure it hasn’t been that long though. Finally, the waiter came and did our drinks and finally handed it to me. I rushed to you taking into consideration that you might be really thirsty by now. But what I saw did break my heart why are you crying? So I rushed to the lounge. Why did everybody look so tense?

“Did something happen to y/n? why did I saw her crying? Did you guys said something mean? What happened here?” but he met with complete silence until Taehyung decided to speak up. “Don’t know, she just suddenly called us names and went into full crying mode. She’s annoying crying on every possible situation. You should find someone else kook. Someone who is on our level” he said getting on Jungkook’s nerve. “Oh shut up at least she’s better than those girls you hooked up with” with that being said, Jungkook put the drinks and went to wait for you at the toilet. After a while you got out.

“Baby what happened? Are you okay? whatever happened while I’m gone I’m so sorry sweetheart” he said while opening his arm for a big warm hug. Exactly what you need. He gently wipes the tears under your eyes while his eyes busy scanning your face. You said nothing but nuzzled your face more into his chest. “Do you still want to be here or do you want us back home” he asked while gently rubbing your back. “If you want to stay here a bit longer I don’t mind, I’m okay with anything” you replied while getting teared up remembering their harsh words towards you. “I don’t think I want to continue this anymore, let’s go back hmm?” he said. “Okay” you said smiling softly at him. “You wait here I’ll go get our things and you have a lot of explanation to do at home” He said while pushing a strand of hair off your face.

Jungkook went to get both of your things and quickly jogs his way to you. You both went out of the club and went back home.

At home

At your shared apartment, you both get your night routine done and got yourself ready to sleep. You can’t help but to remember all those nasty words they called you

 GOLD DIGGER SLUT GOLD DIGGER SLUT

 That night before went to sleep you told him all about his friends. You’re were nervous at first. Scared that he might not believe you but you told him anyway and he believe you. He was so pissed at his friends that you’re thankful that you’re telling him this while you both were alone at home or else tonight might ended up with blood. He was so tensed that night. Can’t believe his friends hated you that much. I mean they’ve told him a couples of time that he should have never got into relationship with you but he also never knew why they hated you. now he knows and he promised you to confront them the next time he sees them.

You both are on your bed with him spooning you from behind while he whispered sweet nothing into your ear. Reminding you that you are worth more than anything in his eyes. Calming you and he make sure to make you feel loved with his kisses that he would do it be it on your lips, nose, neck, forehead, cheeks you named it. It makes you realised that you should care less of what others think about you because at the end of the day Jungkook would always love you and he make sure that you feel and know it every time and you love him for that.

Author's note

Here is my first ever story😁 hope you like it🥰 any constructive comment is very welcome and I'm sorry if my writing did not meet with your expectations🥺sorry if any of yall had waited and it takes me so long to post this😔tbh i posted the the teaser just for fun and I don't think it will gain attention but it did :) so here it is :))) sorry for any grammar mistake. English is not my first language🙏🏻hope you had a great time here the next story teaser will be out very soon😉

[xeunoais]

Remember

(A/N: the idea for this randomly while i was eating breakfast the other day so here i am lol!! i hope you enjoy this!)

Summary: You got into a car accident on your way to the studio where Shawn was. And it was bad enough to where you were put into a coma. And if Shawn had learned anything from this, it was that, you don’t know what you truly have and how much it means to you until you lose it.

-

-

I reached my hand into my pocket and pulled out the small diamond ring. I looked at the ring and then at the love of my life. Laying there in that hospital bed, almost lifeless.

I sat up in my chair. Still looking at her. I reached up slowly and grabbed her hand gently, rubbing my thumb up and down on the back of it.

With one more look at the ring in my other hand, I looked at back at her. I lifted her hand up and slid the ring on her finger. It was a perfect fit. It looked so good on her too. It was meant to be her’s. On her finger.

My hand picked hers up back off the pillow and gently held it again. I looked at her, thinking about her as my fiancé.

“I know this isn’t the best time to do this. But the past few days, I haven’t been able to shake this. You’ve always said that you don’t know how much something truly means to you until you might lose it.” I paused, taking a deep breath.

“And baby, these past few days, I could be losing you. I can’t lose you. You are my world. The reason I wake up everyday. You are going to be my wife one day. God, you will make the most gorgeous bride. And you are going to be the mother of our children.” I stopped as I felt tears run down my cheeks.

“I bought this ring when I was on tour. The same day that you actually left to go back home after you visited. Brian, Connor and I had gone out on a walk. And we passed this ring shop. I don’t know what made me do it but I walked inside and the found this one.” I said as I ran my thumb across it.

“I saw this ring and then knew I had to get it. It had you written all over it. So I did, I bought it. I had it all planned out in my head too. I was gonna come home, and we were going to the diner that your mom and dad met at, and then I was going to ask you.”

More tears fell from my eyes as I thought about that. She always said that if I didn’t propose there, she would tell me no. She said she had dreamt about being proposed to there ever since she was little.

I almost feel a little dumb for doing this now but I can’t help it. I couldn’t wait anymore.

I stood up slowly and stood beside her. I grabbed her other hand, so that was I was holding them both.

“Baby. I need you to wake up. I need you wake up and marry me. Y/n, will you please wake up and marry me?”

I felt a squeeze. And another one. I looked at her hands and felt it again. I started yelling for a doctor or nurse.

Once they came in there they pushed me out of the way. Then before I could even react I was being pushed out of room and the ring was being handed to me.

The door was shut and I stood there watching them surround her bed. Then I saw it, her eyes opened. She was awake and I’m not there.

-

The next she was going to be released tomorrow morning. They wanted to keep her one more night to monitor everything. Make sure that she was fully okay before being sent home.

Everyone came to the hospital again. My family and friends, and all her’s. I didn’t want to be rude but nobody was letting me in there. Nobody was letting me get to my girl. And I was almost to my breaking point.

I spent five days. Five fucking days at this hospital. Sitting by her side, hold her hands, talking to her. Trying absolutely everything I could too help her wake up or just move.

I’m not gonna say that nobody else cares because I know they do. Everyone love Y/n. Absolutely everyone. But nobody stayed by her side like I did. There was not one moment that I left this hospital room.

I was pacing up and down the hallway when her dad approached me. I walked over to him as fast as I could.

“Can I see her now? How is she?” I asked trying to push past him but his arm raised up, and blocked me from walking. I looked at him confused. All I could see was pain in his eyes.

Something wasn’t right here. Something’s wrong and if someone doesn’t tell me something soon, I am going to fucking lose my shit in the middle of this hospital.

“What’s wrong? Why won’t anyone let me in there to see her?” I asked again as I placed my hands on his arm to push it out of my way.

“Shawn. Stop and listen to me.” He said, grabbing at my arm with his other hand.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Let me go see her.” My anger was slowly rising inside of me. I pushed him out of my way and walked into her room.

I saw her for the first time in like 3 hours. My girl was awake. She looked at me with no expression on her face what so ever. What the hell?

“Who are you?” She asked quietly.

“Huh? Baby, its me. Shawn. You know who I am.” I said slowly. What the fuck is going on right now.

Then it hit me. Does she not remember who I am? The doctor said that was a possibility. But he said it wasn’t likely. She seemed genuinely confused when I told her who I was.

Does she really not remember anything?

“Uhmmm, I don’t know a Shawn..” She mumble turning towards her mom with a questioning look on her face, almost asking her if she was supposed to know who I am.

“Shawn, I need to talk to you in the hall. Please.” Her dad said as he walked into the room and placed his hand on my shoulder.

I looked him in the eyes and then back at her. Then I looked at her mom and she nodded to me, telling me to listen to him.

The second I stepped out of the room, I broke. My whole body went numb and I fell into the chair outside the door. My mom rushed to my side and wrapped her arms around me. I leaned into her embrace and cried into her shoulder.

“Mom. This can’t be real. She doesn’t know who I am. She doesn’t re-remember me mom.” I mumbled against her shirt.

“I know honey. Its all gonna be alright.” She tried to reassure me. But I snapped at her words and pushed myself away from her.

“No mom. Its not going to be fucking okay. My girl. The love of my life doesn’t even know who I am. She doesn’t remember me, Mom!” I paused for a second. Slipped my hand into my pocket and pulled out the ring. Everyone gasped when the saw it in my hand.

“I proposed to her right before she woke up. I put the ring on her finger and proposed. And then she woke up and I wasn’t allowed to go back and see her for five hours. But the second I do, my worst nightmare comes true. She doesn’t fucking know who I am and everyone keeps pushing me away from her. I should be in there right now telling her who I am, how we met and everything after that. I should be by her side helping her try to remember who I am but nobody is-“

“She’s never going to remember, Shawn. Doctor said its a one in a hundred chance that she will remember who any of her friends or anyone is. She only remembers her family because of when she was little.” Her dad cut me off. I looked at him and titled my head.

“What do you me she’s never going to remember me?” I asked, voice way lower than it just was.

“Shawn. You are a complete stranger to her. And you probably always will be.” Her dad explained.

He’s lying to me. I can see it in his eyes. He’s got that look that in his eyes that she always has whenever she tries to hide something from me.

“So she’s never going to remember who I am, or what we are?”

“No. She’s not. And her mom and I have agreed that’s is best she comes back to the states with us. And gets back on her feet again.” He said to me, lying again.

Her dad wasn’t ever the biggest fan of me. He doesn’t hate me but he doesn’t think I’m the right fit for her. That because I was always on the road, there’s no telling when I could possibly slip up and make a mistake.

I don’t blame him. He just wants what’s best for her. Its just that, I want what’s best for her too. And he chooses to not see that about our relationship. I stopped trying to fight for him to accept what I have with her. And instead just focused on what was more important. Her.

“Okay. I will go back with you all. I will rent an apartment ther-“ I started to say but was cut off again.

“That’s the issue Shawn. We want to bring her back to the states so she’s not around you or in Toronto where she doesn’t remember anything. We want her to go back home with us, where she remembers everything. Where she is comfortable and able to get back on her own two feet at her own time. We want to bring her to the home she knows.” He said slowly

“What? That’s not fair. You can’t do that. You can’t just make me stay away from her. You can’t do that.”

“Yes we can Shawn. And I’m sorry but its whats best for her. She needs time. And if you loved her, you would give it to her.” Her mom said as she walked out of the room.

Her mom and I were closer than her dad and I. Her mom and my mom were best friends. They loved each other. And they would always gush to each other about how we treated each other. How much we loved each other.

But I’ve always known that she wanted more for her daughter. She loved how happy she is with me but she’s always said that I needed to give her girl stability. That I couldn’t go on tour for the rest of my life and expect her to go with me every single time.

“Shawn. I think you need to listen to them, and give her space. Let her refind herself.” My dad said.

I looked my dad in the eyes, how could he say that? Then my eyes went to my moms and she had the same look in her eyes telling me she agreed with him.

I shook my head and looked through the window at the love of my life sleeping peacefully in her hospital bed.

She is supposed to be the woman I marry. The woman that carries my babies. The woman that I grow old with. The woman I get buried next to when my time comes to end on this earth.

But she doesn’t remember who I am. Or what we had. Nothing. I’m a total stranger to her, but to me, I relive three years worth of memories with her. And that’s what hurts the most.

I’m being expected to just be ready to throw away all the memories. To just walk away and give up on her and what her and I have together.

As much as I know, it’s probably whats best for her. The selfish side of me, doesn’t want to let her go. I want to be the one to take her home to out apartment and help her try and remember everything.

But I know that she doesn’t remember me or what we had. And she may never remember because nobody will let her.

-

The End

(A/N: i am crying rn. literally sobbing. but anyways i hope you enjoyed this. feedback is highly appreciated!!)

[riathenowheregirl]

Gold Dust Women: My Favorite Witchy Singers

Okay, before you burn me alive with “Where’s this certain artist?!” or “Why is this certain artist not here?!” or “Who even uses Tumblr these days?”, uhmmm me bish?? It’s my safe zone. Okay, the last question was a joke. 

Can I just say that the amazing women on this list are artists I listen to all the time. They’re my favorites, so chill (I’m open for suggestions tho). This is not Rolling Stone or Billboard magazine, it’s just ya girl’s good ol’ tumblr blog. Also, I’m not saying that all of them are literal w i t c h e s, it’s just that they portray the same aesthetic through their art and music. 

Alright, now that’s settled, let’s start.

1. STEVIE NICKS 

Do I even need to explain this? Stevie is undoubtedly the Etheral Queen of them all, the Pioneer, the O.G. Supreme whose lyrical soul and spellbinding voice echoes from the distant past to the inevitable future. Everything about her oozes with witchcraft and magic starting from her iconic top hat, to her millions of intricately made shawls, down to her platform boots. Only Stevie Nicks could pull off such Not-of-this-Era outfits and she has been doing it CONSISTENTLY. She’s in a timeline of her OWN. If you listen to her music, you would notice that every song of hers is poetry, like she’s telling a story or conjuring the unknown. She’s every witchy woman’s icon and that’s a fact.

Stevie is an untouchable yet gracious legend, we’ll always be a part of her sisterhood until the day of earth’s decay. Forever the Queen of Rock N’ Roll. 

Current Favorite Stevie Lyrics:  “ You can fly swinging from your trapeze, scaring all the people...but you'll never scare me.”  |   “Once in a million years a lady like her rises. Oh no, Rhiannon, you cry, but she's gone and your life knows no answer.”

Notice how I used the word “current”? Because it always changes depending on the state my life. Here’s a more detailed post on why I love her.   

2. KATE BUSH 

“Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy, I've come home, I'm so cold! Let me in through your window!”

The eccentric beauty, Kate Bush made a genius, artistic move by writing a song about the book, Wuthering Heights, written by Emily Brontë in the 1800′s. Mind you, she was only 18 when she wrote and was the first song written by a female artist that landed on top the charts. Her voice is almost as distinctive as Stevie Nicks. While Stevie’s more nasal, commanding, wailing rock n’ roll goddess, Kate’s voice was high-pitched, alarming, ghostly, queer, and fairy-like. Everything about her is Performance Art. This is a woman who is not afraid to express herself.

For starters, you might think her music is strange and weird. Trust me, I felt the same way when I first heard her songs. But then, it began to grow on me leaving floral patterns on its path. 

Favorite Kate Bush Lyrics:  “Do you want to feel how it feels? Do you want to know that it doesn't hurt me? Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making? You, it's you and me.”

3. FLORENCE WELCH 

This one is as obvious as Stevie Nicks. Florence Welch from the band, Florence + the Machine, is a poetess, a screaming banshee, and a full-pledged Sister of the Moon. She even started a witch coven during middle school. From her red carpet looks to her everyday outfits on Instagram, Florence vibrates powerful witch energy. Not to mention she has a song called “Which Witch” and that haunting music video for Big God with levitating women. Flo is not a woman to trifle with, I’ll tell you that. 

Photos courtesy of @lillieeiger

In all her songs, Florence will bind you with magic and it’ll leave you breathless. If Stevie’s songs are poetry, hers are spells you could sing out loud. Also, if you haven’t seen her house tour, go check it now! 

Favorite Florence Welch Lyrics: “'Cause I am done with my graceless heart so tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart.”  |  “And in a moment of joy and fury I threw myself in the balcony like my grandmother so many years before me.”

4. LANA DEL REY

Remember when Lana used witchcraft to hex Donald Trump? It was all over the news and Twitter went wild. She was later quoted saying, “I really do believe that words are one of the last forms of magic and I’m a bit of a mystic at heart.” Oh, and she also did a collab with Stevie. 

We. Stan. Forever.

There was even a time that I MEMORIZED the monologue in the music video for Ride. ALL OF IT, HUNNY. 

Lana’s hypnotizing vocals together with her sixties baby doll dresses and Priscilla Presley hair is enough to convince me that she’s not of this era. She has a deep understanding of the beauty of past generation and the looming sadness and nostalgia that comes with it. Whenever I listen to her music, I imagine myself as a rockstar’s muse who is involved with the mafia but then I decided to leave him while taking his gun and convertible. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Lana Del Rey Lyrics: “Well, my boyfriend's in the band. He plays guitar while I sing Lou Reed. I've got feathers in my hair, I get down to Beat poetry. And my jazz collection's rare, I can play most anything.”

5. LORDE 

David Bowie didn’t call her the “future of music” for nothing. Just two albums under her belt, Lorde already proved that she will one day become a legend herself. Her music narrates an unparalleled interpretation of the anguish and fleeting charm of our youth. She knows what we’re feeling because she’s been there herself and is on the road to healing just like us. 

I think the message she’s trying to say is that we’re constantly losing grip on our innocence, and that life is often wicked so we need to accept that, grit our teeth, get on with it, and make art. She can also see color when she hears music. 

In my opinion, Lorde is one of the greatest artists of my generation. 

Favorite Lorde Lyrics: “The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy till all of the tricks don't work anymore, and then they are bored of me.”  |   “That slow burn wait while it gets dark, bruising the sun, I feel grown up with you in your car. I know it's dumb.” 

6. FKA TWIGS

Honestly, FKA Twigs is literally art in living form, a celestial angel that nobody can easily decipher. This woman has more talent in her fingertips than I could ever have in a lifetime. She somehow reminds me of a young Kate Bush; fearless, experimental, with an intoxicating voice. She never stops reinventing herself and it’s beautiful.

In FKA Twigs’ world, there are no limits, just endless galaxies. She pours her whole being in all of her songs and it shows. She’s not for the faint of heart, let me tell you that. 

Favorite FKA Twigs Lyrics:  “And I don't want to have to share our love. I try but I get overwhelmed. All wrapped in cellophane, the feelings that we had.” 

7. SKOTT 

I say this all the time, but I cannot write without Skott’s music blasting on my earphones. She grew up in a “forest commune run by outcast folk musicians” and was not exposed to contemporary music until her teen years. You would notice it in her songs. 

It’s hard to explain why, but listen to Skott’s music when there’s thunder and rain outside, then you’ll know why this woman is witchy. I kind of want her to be more popular and known, but then again, I also want to keep her to myself. Scratch that, LISTEN TO SKOTT’S MUSIC NOW. 

Start with Glitter & Gloss. 

Favorite Skott Lyrics: “Like an empty canvas, hear me cry. Like a masterpiece, I'm in your eyes. Now your colors are in front of me, we're a picture-perfect oddity.”

8. FIRST AID KIT 

I fell in love with this sister duo when I first heard their song, Emmylou, while browsing YouTube. It’s one of those moments of instant magic. Klara and Johanna Söderberg are a coven of their own. I would describe their music as “Woodland Folk laced with runes and wild flowers”. 

Their voices compliment each other so much that it reminded me of Simon & Garfunkel (they even performed their own version of America in front of Paul Simon!!!). First Aid Kit has this Woodstock seventies vibe, and you know me, I live for that sh*t. 

Favorite First Aid Kit Lyrics: “ When I run through the deep dark forest long, after this begun, where the sun would set, the trees were dead and the rivers were none. And I hope for a trace to lead me back home from this place, but there was no sound there was only me, and my disgrace.”

9. ZOLA JESUS

Zola Jesus’ music deserves to be played with an orchestra inside an abandoned castle in Transylvania while it gently rains and you’re wearing a white nightgown as you roam its empty halls. Is that too much?

 Not at all. 

Like Skott, I listen to Zola whenever I’m having writer’s block. If I ever finish my book, I’m gonna have to thank them. 

Favorite Zola Jesus Lyrics: “I'm on my bed, my bed of stones, but in the end of the night we'll rest our bones, so don't you worry. Just rest your head cause in the end of the night we'll be together again.”

10. ZELLA DAY 

Photo Credits to Harper Smith

I LOVE ZELLA DAY’S MUSIC OH MY GOODNESS. My favorite songs of her are Sweet Ophelia, Hypnotic, Man on the Moon, and Hunnie Pie. ESPECIALLY HUNNIE PIE. I cry whenever I hear that song. It’s just so pure, calming, and beautiful. 

Her music belong in the psychedelic era. 

People labeled her as the “happier version of Lana Del Rey” but I think she’s in a league of her own. She deserves more recognition, honestly! 

Favorite Zella Day Lyrics: “The older we get there's an ocean of people in places we've chosen and you know how mama keeps saying “we've gotta stop the games we're playing””. 

Hope you guys approve of my list! I really like sharing stuff that I love! Feel free to message me for more suggestions, I’d really appreciate to know more witchy artists out there. We’re all in a huge coven of sisterhood. 

Thanks for reading!

Love, 

Ria  🌙

P.S.

Please follow my blog!!! THANK YOU  🔮

[widgenstain]

Haven’t done that in a while, have I?

It by Stephen King

Rating: 1/10

Review:

Urgh, this dumpster fire… This dumb book blocked up my nightly readings for far too long, I was so ready to abandon it at points but eventually hate read powered through because some masochistic parts of me still wanted to know how it ended. This goes right on top of the list of garbage I read/watched/did for James.

It also is a prime example for why I usually steer away from long novels or fics. It’s not that I can’t read them, I read a ton for work and yes, they’re huge books, but it takes some tremendous skill to fill 1000 pages of a novel and keep it interesting and/or non-repetitive throughout. It’s what amazed me so about Gaiman’s American Gods, my copy has 640 pages and not one, NOT ONE of them is too much.

My copy of IT has 1376 pages and honest to god, you could have easily scratched 800 of them and it still would have been the same goddamn story. 300 pages alone are basically “and then he told his friends what the reader just read”. SO UNNECESSARY!! 

Like, if it contributed anything to the world or character building, ok, I could have dealt with that, BUT IT DIDN’T! The characters and their arcs are established pretty early on, partially through proper character building, partially through the time-jumps, but quite often through blatant tell-not-show.

King spells everything out SO many times, through so many weird analogies or metaphors, I mean, WOW! Eddie the momma’s boy, Stan the Jewish one who’s a bit obscure due to dying early on, Ben the sensible fat one who becomes a main character but sort of doesn’t, Richie the “funny” one (I swear if I had a nickel for every time King writes “they laughed” when absolutely nothing funny happened, I’d be very very rich), Bill the shameless heroic author insert who couldn’t be more of a textbook definition of Marty Stu if he tried, and Boobs, who will get her own paragraph in this rant. Mike is the one who actually gets off the best, I did like his first-person interludes, how they build his investigative and questioning nature and what they did to the overall story.

Which brings me to the structure: I don’t mind time-jumps nor changing perspectives, I actually love them if done well, and they’re not TERRIBLE here (they do make sense for the message), but King way too often feels the need to interrupt a scene at a suspenseful point only to retell most of it when he gets back to the scene. Most of the side characters suffer from that, foremost Henry Bowers and Tom. It gives the story this episodical feel “He ran. He made it out. This time. IT would get him soon.” DUN DUN DUUUUUN and when we cut back he’s running again!

This works once, twice or even thrice but gets SO TIRING if done every.other.chapter! This is a problem I have with many long fanfictions, where it actually does make sense, since the author publishes the chapters separately and tries to keep the reader engaged, yet I STILL don’t like it. And in a published book?! @clickthefrog mentioned that there’s a good chance that King wrote this super high on a plethora of drugs and OOHHHH YEAH, I can totally see that happening, but I wonder if his editor was sitting next to him and doing lines from the same damned pile of coke.

Someone really needed to go over this and cut it down to its essentials. Which aren’t bad, I did like the monster, I did like IT, the whole idea of Derry just being infested by it was great, some of the horror elements are genuinely disturbing and I GET the fascination with Pennywise and the other manifestations. Not all of IT makes sense imho but not everything in horror has to and those scenes were perfectly fine. But they make up like 10% of the book!! 

The rest is Beverly’s tits. 

Jesus HOLY-OBJECTIFICATION-BATMAN-MOTHERFUCKER! I am NOT exaggerating when I say that every time the focus shifts to her, there’s a remark on how hot she is. Which I MAYBE would be ok with when she is an adult, but it happens to the 11-year-old girl as well! If I had a nickel for every time her “small breasts” or naked skin or seductive red hair is mentioned and how the boys want to touch her, I’d be even richer. I mean, there is adoration and growing sexual obsession through the eyes of PRE-TEEN boys, and there is creepy as fuck objectification through the eyes of the author.

And yeah, I bet you’ve all heard of that scene… Look, I don’t mind fucked-up things in fiction, I’ve read things way worse than what happens here but context and build-up freaking matter. I cannot shake the feeling that King delights in and gets-off on putting Beverly though sexualised,violent shit, what happens with her father, her husband, Jesus Christ, that terrible sex scene with Bill (he makes her cum twice with the thrusts of his mighty penis… two good things came out of this: James and Jessica getting it on for my viewing pleasure and the knowledge that I, a fucking foreigner with limited English skills, can write better sex scenes than a best-selling American author. GO ME!!) and it’s all fine, it’s a horror story, we all love putting our favourite characters through terrible and humiliating things sometimes, I get it, we cool.

But after these scenes that clearly establish that King has a thing for Beverly, that 11-year old girl makes five of her male friends fuck her because… she loves them and that will build a connection? Uhmmm? What the fuck?! I get that she’s fucked-up because of her father, but the way it’s written, the obsession with the non-working baby dicks and how she feels pleasure and cums when Ben shoves in his grown-man thing… Whow! Gross! Ew ew ew, this is wrong and it would be wrong if it was written well too.

Anyway, gross child sex scenes aside, if you couldn’t tell yet: I’m pissed I paid for this book (they only had the German version in the Open Book Case) and I’m pissed that even more people will pay for it.

A friend of mine has that theory that as soon as a book makes it to the piles at the front of an airport book shop, the author is set for life. People see it when they’re bored, they recognise the title, so they buy it and read bits of it. These are people who usually do not read much, so they have no comparisons, they often don’t even finish the book but they remember that they’ve had it in hand so they talk about it. These books sell, they make a movie, even more people know of the title and buy it because they recognise it but who knows how many of them actually read it; it absolutely doesn’t matter how bad the book is, it keeps on selling. That’s my theory with IT because there is no fucking other explanation why this got so successful.

The movies definitely helped, I haven’t watched either movie yet (parts of the old one on TV, but never the full movie), I most likely will before IT2 comes out, they’re supposedly not as unintentionally creepy or borderline paedo pornographic as the book, so I’ll give them a try. Not gonna pay for them though, nope, not a chance. :P

[castielcoven]

[ I'm new to Tumblr, give me a break, honestly. Would appreciate some constructive criticism, thanks! Also yes, I'm not the smartest, so *please* no calling me dumb, I already know I am TwT, 3,151 words and weird, old original characters. I doubt anyones gonna read this but if you do good luck 😂]

"Matthew, honey?" Michelle chimed as she heard her front door shut, and in came her son, who was barely smaller than her, he had a very large bruise on the side of his eye.

      "Hey mama…" He mumbled, she sighed sadly and held the boy's hand, pulling him gently to the kitchen and getting an ice pack after he sat down, the all too familiar small hissing sound coming from beside him. Matthew smiled softly as he looked at his adorable de-fanged snake hissing at him gently, wanting attention. He giggled and pet her head gently, she began to slither her way up into Matthew's lap, her forked tongue licking his nose softly. He laughed and kissed Nature's head softly. Michelle smiled.

     "There hasn't been any new updates on the court case." She sighed, pulling out her phone and snapping a photo of his black eye and bruise. "Are there anymore?" She asked, looking at him, Matthew nodded and set Nature on the kitchen table, standing up and pulling his turtle neck off. Michelle cringed and inhaled sharply at her sons bruised and scabbed over torso. "Gods...Baby, I'm so sorry. I ought to have full custody of you by now, but there are these other people trying to fight for you…" She told, shaking and taking the pictures.

      "Really…? Who?" He asked, pulling on his turtle neck again and sitting down. Nature slithered in his lap after waiting patiently while Matthew pulled up his tights to show the bruises on his legs, Michelle sighed sadly and took the pictures.

      "A doctor and cop. I don't know who they are, they're anonymous, and the judge won't even tell me why they're fighting for you. I promise you baby, I'll win this court case. You'll be safe in my arms soon." She shook and sobbed a bit, hugging Matthew who nodded and hugged her back, Nature smushed between them, but the snake wasn't complaining.

      "I hope so…" He shook, clutching her. "I'm gonna go lay down...I-I need a nap…" He shook, biting his lip softly.

      "Alright honey. I'll wake you up for lunch." She told, pressing a gentle kiss to his bruise. Matthew just took Nature, going up to his room, setting her on the bed gently as he went to change into thermals. He shuddered and bit his lip as he looked at himself in his full body mirror. It was their routine for a while. He would come home from a tortuous week of beatings from his father, he would walk half way across town to his mothers since his father refused to drive him, he would strip and she'd take photos for evidence against his father, he'd put his clothes on and take a nap. It was stupid, and tedious, but he couldn't help it. He desperately wanted his schedule to change, wanting SOMETHING, to be different, but so far, nothing was popping up.

     "Hi there, miss! My name is Jacob Otori, I- Oh! Mrs. Anderson, hi!" Jacob laughed, Michelle giggled.

     "Hi there Jacob, odd for you to come to my house, eh?" She giggled. Matthew heard the all too familiar voice of his crush and patted out of his room to listen to the conversation.

     "I didn't know it was your house! It's very nice, ma'am!" He smiled. "I was going around and promoting the fundraiser. I wanna beat last year's goal. We raised just above 300k last time, I'm aiming for 750k this time." He smiled brightly. Michelle looked at him shocked.

      "Wow, you certainly are confident. We are just a small town, Jacob." She sighed with a smile. 

      "It was Natali who set the goal, I really just said I wanna beat how much we raised last year, I didn't really have a say since she's the treasurer." He giggled.

      "I find it amazing. I'm definitely donating this year. Oh! Do you wanna come in? Matthews here for the weekend, he's taking a nap at the moment, but he always wakes up in around an hour. Would you like some tea?" She smiled.

      "Oh, Matthew? Like the one with the wildly dyed hair?...I barely really know him, I didn't know you had a son." He smiled awkwardly. 'I have heard of him, everyone says he's a freak, though...I should give everyone a chance, those are just rumors. And I need a break, talking to people is tiring…'

      "Oh, yes. I sometimes forget he dyes his hair, it obviously doesn't look natural, but he's had it for so long it just looks normal to me." She hummed.

      "I wouldn't want to be a bother…" He smiled again, chuckling awkwardly.

      "I'm gonna tell you the truth because you're such a good guy, Jacob, but Matthew has a hard time making friends since he's so anti-social. I know he doesn't have any friends at school, and I'm just trying to get him at least a caring friend like you. Im aware of all of the rumors about him, and I'll tell you most of them aren't true. There's a lot that's been going on lately, I'm trying to win custody of him from his father, but that isn't going well…" She admitted, looking down. Jacob was a bit shocked, but intrigued. "It's been the same thing over and over every time he comes here, I can tell he's stressed and school isn't helping, nor is my counseling. I just want to make sure he has a friend I know is a good influence on him and is a sweet caring person. Especially one he can tell things that he wont tell me, it is sometimes better to get it out in the open than just keep it bottled up. I know he's not telling me quite a few things, and I just want to make sure he's okay. So please do me a favor and at least attempt to befriend my anti-social son?" She hummed, looking up at Jacob with a slightly pleading look in her eyes. Jacob was very prone to giving in to puppy dog eyes.

      "Of course, ma'am. I've actually been trying to figure out a way to approach him, not only because of all of the rumors, but there have been major scenes with him, like passing out in class, his panic attacks...I'm not making fun of him or anything, but a lot of the other kids did...And I just recently realized he was in most of my classes. When I started actually paying attention to him, no one really notices him, and sometimes he'll just leave the room without saying anything. The teachers know it too, they'll either watch him, or ask a student to go check on him." He ranted, looking away awkwardly. "And I've caught him staring at me multiple times, I think that's what made it so hard to approach him. Most of the rumors I've heard about him is that he's gay and has a crush on me. I don't really mind, but everyone makes it seem like such a bad thing." He told, Michelle listened, pulling Jacob into her home, which he obliged too. Matthew was still listening.

      "Matthew isn't very mentally stable. He has insomnia, very bad anxiety, not to mention he was always and is bullied due to looking like and dressing like a girl." She sighed.

      "I don't see a problem with it, really. I don't understand why some kids bully this practically invisible kid because he doesn't like to act his gender. Natali and Tash both act more manly than me and no one bullies them." He chuckled bashfully, Michelle giggled.

      "If only more people had your mindset Jacob, such an uplifting personality. Matthew comes to my office anytime he feels like he's going to have a panic attack. I'm guessing he's noticed your staring lately, because its people looking at him that stresses him out." She smiled.

      "Oh…! I'm very sorry, I didn't realize...I guess it was always weird he just left the room without alarm whenever I stared at him." He mumbled, sighing.

      "I tell the teachers about Matthew, they feel bad for him, so they basically let him do what he wants, as long as he gets his work done. Which he always does." She sighed, glancing up at the stairs and seeing Matthew up there she perked up, giggling a bit. "Matt, it's not nice to eavesdrop." She mentioned, making Matthew jump and Jacob raise an eyebrow before turning around and looking at the boy, who squeaked and ran to his room. Jacob was a bit confused while Michelle giggled. "He eavesdrops a lot. He's quite sneaky. Like you said, he's practically invisible." She smiled.

       "Ah, yeah." He sighed, giggling softly.

       "Oh, and if he does come down, just a warning he had a bad bruise on his eye, he told me it was some bullies at school." She sighed a bit, Jacob immediately felt bad, but he also wondered how bad it was.

      "Ah, I'm sorry ma'am. I let myself think I always catch the bullying at school, but clearly not." He mumbled.

       "It's okay, sweetie, no ones perfect. Thats half of the reason I want Matthew to have friends...You would tell me whats going on, while he doesn't tell me the names of his bullies because he doesn't want to get them in trouble." She sighed, shaking her head softly. "Matt? Are you gonna come down?" She called out, Matthew was shaking a bit, thinking it over. "Come on, honey. Jacobs here, he's a classmate, don't you think you should at least greet him?" She told.

      "Uhmmm...No?" He asked more as a question.

      "Maaaatt." Michelle sighed, Matthew just padded off to his own room. "Sorry...He's not good around people. Especially not any that are his age." She sighed. "I'm going to get a kettle boiling. Feel free to go and talk to Matt." She smiled, standing up and walking to the kitchen. Jacob smiled and nodded, this was his chance to befriend the weird kid. He stood up, beginning to walk upstairs, he got to the door he thought was Matthews, beginning to knock on it. Said boy had creaked his door open to watch him knock on the door.

       "Uhm...Matthew?" He asked out, looking at the door.

       "That's the bathroom." The adorable bluenette mentioned quietly, the redhead flinched and turned around, his face bright red as he looked at the half of Matthews being from behind the door.

       "Right…! I knew that!" He looked away awkwardly, making Matthew giggle. Jacob was a bit astonished he made the unusually quiet boy laugh. He was the first time he had even heard his voice. "Ah, uh- c-can I come in??" He smiled. "You were listening in on our conversation...I don't know for how long but you probably heard I had been looking for a way to approach you, y'know to be your friend." He smiled.

      "I was listening since the beginning. You don't have to be my friend just because my mom asked you too. I'm the weird kid, you don't have to pretend like I'm any normal person." He hummed, looking at the floor.

      "Its not just because of what your mom said! I really had been trying to find a way to talk to you, but anytime I tried, you just ended up walking out of the classroom…" He told.

      "I didn't know why you were staring at me, it was stressing me out." He mumbled, looking away as his face lit up slightly.

      "Understandable, but really, I do wanna be your friend. I guess we should get properly acquainted first." He hummed, clearing his throat and bowing politely. "My name is Jacob Otori, I'm from Japan, I'm 17 and I know both Chinese and Japanese." He smiled, Matthew giggled a bit at the formal introduction. "Now your turn, if you wanna, that is." He smiled patiently.

       "U-uhmm...I-I'm Matthew Anderson, I'm 16, going to be 17 in October...U-uhm...I-I'm from Canada, I can s-speak French, G-Greek and Latin." He explained, shaking and looking away awkwardly, wondering if he sounded like he was bragging.

        "You can speak French and Greek?? Wow! Honestly, Chinese and Japanese are so boring, but you got to have the tongue of a GOD to speak that complicated stuff!" He laughed, smiling. Matthew giggled, which actually turned into a laugh.

       "Well...I-It is hard...B-But I can try to teach you." He mumbled, looking away slightly and shifting around.

       "Really?! You would? Thats awesome!" He smiled brightly, Matthew smiled back awkwardly, but it was a genuine smile.

       "Yeah...Uhm...Y-you can come in, but...uh…" He blushed madly, looking away in a bit of embarrassment.

       "I'm not gonna judge you for anything you say, have, or do. Unless its just that bad, which you don't even look like you're capable of doing." He giggled, Matthew just laughed back awkwardly.

       "O-okay...But it's still kind of embarrassing since I've never had anyone over before. My room's a bit...girly." He told, blushing. And opening his door, dashing back in slightly. Jacob just raised an eyebrow and walked in, finally seeing what Matthew meant. It looked like a room Natali would enjoy. The walls were a milk pink, the ceiling lined with star fairy lights which were illuminating a room. There was also a floor lamp and more than enough pop band posters literally any teenage girl would be obsessed with. He had a full sized bed, which was incredibly messy, but he had a cotton pink and blue blanket with bright white pillows. He had a small TV on a vanity which had makeup and school supplies around it, a few bean bags, and a rug and in the corner, the opposite of his bed, was a huge tank, but Nature was nowhere to be found. He also had a closet in the corner.

       "Woah." He was only able to say. "This looks like a damn sanctuary! If only my room looked like this." He laughed. Matthew blushed.

       "Really? It's so girly, though." He mumbled.

       "So? I like girly things. I would kill for a room like this!" He laughed, Matthew smiled and giggled.

       "Well...uhm, thanks." He giggled, smiling adorably. Jacob just smiled back.

       "What do you wanna do? We could have a sleepover! My parents went out to fly home for their anniversary, so I'm free to do whatever." He hummed.

        "S-sure...I'm sure mom wouldn't mind. And i-its an excuse to stay here instead of going to my fathers." He mumbled.

        "Is it too personal to ask, or can I ask what exactly is bad at your dads? There are rumors around the school that he beats you, but your mom said most of those rumors aren't true." He asked, looking at Matthew who curled up to himself silently. Jacob immediately took that as a yes. He gasped quietly and crawled onto his bed with him, hugging him as gently as he could. "I'm sorry...My dads a cop, you know. We could report him." He told, rubbing his side gently as Matthew leaned into his touch.

        "H-he always wins assault court cases. No one knows how...Its been difficult for mama to get custody of me because there's a third couple trying to get me. She doesn't know them, and I don't know them. They're anonymous…" He told, shaking and snuggling into him.

        "Well my dad would make sure he gets to prison. This isn't just assault, its child abuse, Matt. Child endangerment, and this third party trying to get you? Who knows what's going on, but my parents would help your mother get custody of you." He mumbled, Matthew sniffled a bit.

        "Please don't tell anybody the rumour is true…" He told, his lip quivering.

        "Hey, hey, don't cry. I'm not going to tell anyone. I can't believe someone actually spread around something that personal, and not to mention they make fun of you for it." He sighed, pressing a small kiss to Matthews forehead, making the small Canadian blush madly.

        "Th-thanks…" He mumbled, shaking. "W-wanna watch some TV? We have cable, but we also have hulu and netflix." He giggled quietly. "The desk I have is for natures tank and not the TV, so we have to sit on the beanbags." He smiled, pointing to the two purple beanbags sitting on the fuzzy rug.

        "Ah, so...What is Nature? Like what kind of animal is it? I don't recognize the tank…" He told, following Matthew, watching him plop down on the beanbag, sitting on the other one as he grabbed the remote.

        "Nature's my snake." He told as if it weren't a psychotic thing, Jacob stared at him.

        "That's the last kind of pet I'd expect you to have." He mumbled, Matthew laughed.

        "I have a mouse too, his names Dumpy." He told, pointing to the small cage underneath the vanity that was previously unseen.

        "Dumpy?" Jacob laughed. "What kind of snake do you have? I'm surprised it hasn't eaten the mouse…" He admitted.

        "Natures a domesticated snake. She's an Inland Taipan." He told, Jacob flinched and looked at Matthew dead in the eye.

        "That is literally the most poisonous snakes in the world!" He called out in shock, looking around to find the snake, she wasn't in her tank and that was suddenly stressing him out.

        "She domesticated, don't worry. She doesn't bite, she's actually really sweet, I've had her since I was six." He hummed. "She's 11 years old and I pulled out her fangs when I was little." He told.

       "You're being serious?! You ripped out the most poisonous snake evers fangs?!" He stared at him with a startled expression.

       "I don't really know where Nature is." He told, whistling a few times.

       "Don't call her please-" He begged as a slithering was heard, her head popping out from under the door and slithering in, Matthew smiled as Jacob yelped and fell off of the beanbag.

       "She's fine, really. Nature, show Jacob your teeth." He told the snake who slithered over to him, staying a lengths away, smelling his fear. She opened her mouth and showed her lack of fangs. "You can pet her, really she isn't violent." Matthew giggled and walked over, Nature watching her master. "Nature, love on Jacob." He smiled, petting her head softly as she slithered over to the Japanese American man, looking at him.

      "Why's it staring at me." He asked, staring back at her.

      "Let out your hand." Matthew giggled. "You saw she doesn't have fangs, shes harmless." He giggled. Jacob was still hesitant. "Nature, bite me. Show him you're harmless." He told, holding out his hand, Nature immediately dashed and bit in his hand, pulling away and licking Matthews hand and looking at Jacob, making sure he was looking at the nonexistent bites on her master's hand.

[essu-rwby-desu]

                                 Chapter 4: Lighting the Fire Reaction  

                                                    -LONG POST-

ITS SO COLD IT BURNS SO GOOD. (?????)

THE FASTEST IVE PROBABLY PUT OUT A REACTION POST BECAUSE HOLY SHIT BALLS, MOM.

“You wait here, I’ll go check if the coast is clear.”

Yang is totally not buying into your bullshit, buddy.

Better get ready, just in cas-. THE GLOVE. AND THE ASS CAPES ARE COMING OFF.

You know what would be neat? Since Yang is kind of the ‘tank’ in the group, her new arm could use like, oh I don’t know, maybe a small shield?

“I can’t believe you were dumb enough to let me lead you here.”

Sorry buddy, but you’re the dumb one for leading her there.

They’re scared of the small barrel popping out of her right arm? I’d be more terrified of her, oh, I don’t know, HER OTHER ARM WITH A BELT FULL OF SHOTGUN SHELLS???

…Or maybe they’re all surprised because “OH, IT’S ALSO A GUN.”

LOOK AT THIS STRUT.

See, a small shield would be nice, but I guess she’s still fending off the bullets.

This string and percussion version of I Burn tho.

LOOK AT THIS BAKUGO ASS MOVE THO. APPROVE.

AND THEN THIS SLOW GUITAR OF ARMED AND READY.

You mess with the wrong bird, and I don’t mean Yang.

Ruby, please, you can-

RUBY, YOU LITTLE SHIT.

AND AT THIS MOMENT, OSCAR KNEW, HE FUCKED UP.

SMASH.

“You forgot to engage your aura, again.”

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!”

“Because this method makes you less likely to forget.”

I mean. Oz isn’t wrong. But.

“Not bad, Ms. Rose. But Oscar doesn’t have the years of training that you do. Or I do.”

HACKS ON. ENTERING THE AVATAR STATE.

THIS IS WHAT FEAR LOOKS LIKE. AT THIS MOMENT, RUBY KNEW. SHE WAS GONNA GET FUCKED UP.

YOU’RE A THOUSAND YEARS TOO EARLY TO BE FIGHTING ME. 

Like. Literally a thousand years. Or more. Cuz Ozpin is apparently fucking immortal.

Sometimes I feel like everyone should rewatch the episode just for like, not necessarily screen shots, but to look for frames like these. Like. Even though it’s a straight forward shot, this is a nice shot.

Does anyone else do this in real life? I mean the whole talk and look at the person with one open eye thing. Me only? Ok, let’s just. Keep moving forward.

Idk why, but when Nora said Ren’s semblance can mask emtions, I immediately started playing Reflections from Mulan in my head. It really has nothing to do with the fact that Ren is supposed to be designed off of the idea of Mulan. Or maybe I did subconsciously. Hm. The song has NOTHING to do with his semblance either! Brain, what are you doing.

Two songs from Mulan in 2 review posts. And I haven’t watched the movie in ages.

WHOOOOOOOOOO ISSSSSSS THAT GIRRRRRRRRLLLLLLL I SSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEE-

MORE POSITIVE REIGNFORCEMENT RUBY. YES.

5 Volumes in and we get an in-show description of what Semblances are. I know they talked about it in the World of Remnant shorts, but they were just that: Short. It’s nice to have it actually explained in the show since not many of us watched the short seri-

“Oh. Struck by lightning, didn’t die, Crazzzzzzy Thursday/”

NORA. PLEASE.

“Unlocking your semblance isn’t the end. It can still grow and evolve.”

HMMMM.

Just because Ruby.

THEY’RE. THEY HAVE GOT TO BE WITHIN 50 FT OF EACH OTHER BY THIS POINT.

OK. She’s opting for the stealth escape route.

THE LITTLE *DINK* SOUND EFFECT IT MADE. OMG. HAHAHAHA. YOU CAN DO IT LITTLE BUDDY. YOU’RE DOING GREAT.

“So after all this time, you decided to visit me.”

Mother- What?! YANG DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU WERE. IT’S NOT LIKE YOU WERE AT A RETIREMENT HOME OR SOMETHING?

“They started it.”

I heard this and was like “HAH. Like how a kid would try to make an excuse to their parent.”

“I’m not here for you. Ruby is somewhere in Mistral. She’s with Qrow and she’s going to need my help. I just need you to take me to her.”

You know, I get the feeling that a lot of people are gonna be like

“YOU FINALLY FOUND YOUR MOM. THE PERSON YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR, FOR YEARS. AND YOU’RE JUST GONNA ASK HER TO TAKE YOU TO RUBY? DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY OR ASK?”

I do feel that to a certain extent, but at the same time I feel like Yang may also have grown out of it. Whatever the reason she had for looking for her mom before isn’t the same now. Yang obviously has questions for Raven, but she also knows how important it is to find Ruby, and she probably feels like that outweighs whatever personal things she has with her mom, it just so happens that Raven was also the answer to finding Ruby.

And besides. Yang now knows where Raven’s camp is. I suppose she could just come back, albeit she may not be welcomed with open arms. Or arm. Just the one. I’m sorry.

“Because we’re family.”

OHHHH, GET FUCKED, RAVEN. Your own daughter throwing that sarcastic shade at you.

So we’ve seen what Raven’s semblances is, but not how it works, until now. She ‘bonds to certain people’ and can make warp gates to them. Yang says that she has her, Tai, and Qrow marked.  Yang also says to teleport her to Qrow, NOT Ruby. It could simply be that Raven had no reason to mark Ruby as someone to teleport to, or maybe it’s because Raven can only teleport to people that are close to her: Her Family.

That begin said, Raven seems to not like the whole family thing since she does say “Family - only come around when they need something.” Maybe her semblance was found due to the opposite nature of her personality. Having a semblance that literally takes her back to her family when she has such disdain for the idea does raise a few questions. But I’ll leave it at that.

Yeah. The way her face was animated and sass she threw in with her words. Badass/Evil mom status.

Before we move on I just want to know: What the fuck is that thing on her head? Like. I get it. RAVEN. FEATHERS. BUT LIKE. WHAT. IS THAT? Is it just like one giant super long hair extension or is that literally all part of her hair?

I laughed. SO HARD. At how long this shot was held for. Like.

Oh. Hi. Uhmmm. Uhh. Hello?

“Yang?????”

“…WHYiss you here?!”

THERE IT IS. FIRST CONTACT. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

THE ILLUSION OF CHOICE IN VIDEO GAMES: CHOOSE STEALTH OR BUST OUT? OH YOU CHOSE STEALTH? TOO BAD, YOU’RE GOING TO BUST THE HELL OUT.

YASSSSSSS. IDC IF YALL HAVE SEEN GIFS AND SCREENSHOTS OF THIS ALREADY, THIS IS V IMPORTANT.

W: “What are you doing here?”

Y: “Well. That’s my mom. And she can take us to Ruby.”

-Slowly taking in what Yang just said.-

“That’s my mom.”

“That’s…

My….

…mom.” ?!?!?!?!?!?!

“… uhhhhhhh”

 Never in my life have I thought I would hear those words. In any form of media.

Also let’s not forget that Raven straight up curb stomped Weiss in the face.

W: “YOUR MOM CURBED STOMPED ME. SHE KICKED ME IN THE FACE.”

Y: “… YOU DID WHAT!?”

Weiss’s knight could EASILY cleave through half that camp at that size. Jeez.

Spring Maiden putting a halt to this BS.

Weiss giving that stern anime look and pose.

“If you’re really going after your sister, then you need to know the truth.”

HMMMM. OKAY. SO HERE’S ANOTHER CHOSE YOUR ADVENTURE MOMENT:

So we know everything’s that been going on with Salem and Cinder and Ozpin and yaddie yaddie yadda. So once Raven tells Yang and Weiss everything, what’s going to happen? Are they still going to regroup with Ruby and join her with Qrow to fight against Salem’s assault on Haven with the White Fang? Or are Weiss and Yang going to try and convince Ruby to pull away from Haven because shit is about to get real and they shouldn’t haven’t to deal with it?

I HIGHLY doubt that Raven is going to tell them about how literally the Spring Maiden is within the camp grounds. But if she does, then??? Do the 2 of them stay? Or will Raven teleport Yang and Weiss, just to then later pick up camp and move to a new location? Cuz by then EVERYONES gonna know who and where the Spring Maiden is.

SO MANY POSSIBILITIES. 

YES. FUCKING. FINALLY. YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. ONE OF THE MANY MOMENTS WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

I TEAR UP. EVERY TIME. AND IT DOESN’T HELP THAT THE BACKGROUND SONG IS “HOME”.

-UGLY HYSTERICAL SOBS-

I maybe reading into this too much, cuz you know, emotions rising, and with knowing the lyrics to the song, I want to talk about the symbolism in this last shot.

Weiss has gotten quite a bit of development coming from Volume 4 to now. And in my opinion, it started all when she was able to successfully summon her knight. 

After being told she was no longer the heiress to her family’s company, she was held against her will to stay in her room. As soon as she was able to summon her knight, she decided to take action. She was able to escape with the help of Klein. He was probably going to be the last trust worthy person she knows that she’s going to see in a while. Even while doing so, she’s had her guard up the whole time because she knew she’s no longer in a safe place. All the way up to being captured by bandits, she still shows initiative to get out. 

Then she reunites with Yang. She has finally found someone she cares and trusts. Someone she probably considers as part of her family, the family being Team RWBY. So the knight fading away in this last shot is visual representation of Weiss finally letting her guard down because now she’s with family. AND WHERE DO YOU USUALLY FIND FAMILY? HOME. THE TITLE OF THE SONG THAT’S PLAYING. AND I JUSTLKSA:LSKDJA:SLKJDWOIASK jEXCUSE ME WHILE I GO REPLAY THIS SCENE FOR THE REST OF TIME UNTIL MORE OF THE TEAM GETS BACK TOGETHER.

TL;DR: Weiss’s knight fading away at the end of this scene is the visual representation of  Weiss finally letting her guard down now that she’s found Yang; a team mate, a friend, a person she might consider as family.

But I may just be reading into this too much. I MEAN HOW COULD YOU NOT?

GIVE ME THE NEXT EPISODE, PLEASE ;A;

P.S.:

I SUPPORT

SMOLS GETTING HUGS FROM SWOLS.

[franeridart]

AAAAAA I'm called Giulia too!! And she quite looks like me too ~ just wondering, is she Italian by any chance?

Sure is! They both are, actually~ 

Anon said:HOLY HECK I MISSED DAVE AND IT WAS SO GREAT TO SEE HIM AGAIN BUT NOW IM IN LOVE WITH GIULIA TOO YOU HAVE A GIFT FOR MAKING BEAUTIFUL AND LOVEABLE OC'S!!! NEVER STOP!!! Also I'd love to hear more about Giulia!!

AHHHHHH thank you!!! I’m super glad you like her too!!!! And sure, tho her life isn’t all that much more exciting than Dave’s is haha she’s a uni student majoring in Modern Lit, and she works in a bookstore not too far away from Dave’s place of work - she hates costumer service and never does anything more than what’s striktly required of her (her most used line must as well be that’s not my job) and honestly she doesn’t even exactly need the job, but working in the bookstore comes with being able to read whatever she wants whenever she wants and she’s such a book junky that that’s enough for her to keep working there. Uhmmm... oh, she’s got light blue hair at the moment! 

Anon said:I love Guilia and would like to offer her a hug

Thank you!!! She’s sorta prickly with physical affection, but she appreciates the thought haha

Anon said:You've gotten this a lot probably but I really love your bakukirikami (or whatever the name is) and how in character they are???

THANKS !!!!!! It always feels super nice to know my characterization works!!!!

Anon said:i just read part 3 of your bokuroteru tattoo artist au and... in the park... that's totally bakugou and kirishima isn't it (i didn't notice the first time because!! i hadnt read bnha!! but now i did and i cant think of anything else i have to know if its them)

Yah it’s them haha

Anon said:Im the same anon who asked you and!!! Akko x amanda is literally my fave ship and their tag is almost empty which is really sadddd :((( soo im really happy that you like them!!!! Though i guess im not surprised that amanda is your fave!!

It was predictable, wasn’t it hahaha she looks like she was made specifically to make me weak, it’s incredible - and yeah the tag is empty, isn’t it? Probably because most of the fandom mains Akko with Diana... well, everyone’s got their tastes, I guess! I like Akko and Amanda the most because tbh they’re seriously fun and their friendship’s dynamic enough to never be boring and tbh I watched the dragon episode and I was slayed and lost forever what a good great couple

Anon said:Your bakushima kids are so freaking adorable! Sorry if anons or anyone else made insensitive comments. You designed the perfect kids for our boys to adopt!

SOB Thank you SO MUCH for liking them!!!! ;A;

Anon said:Omg I have this great, dumb image in my head of BakuKiriKami being like Jesse, Danny and Joey in "Full House" raising kids together, complete with many heart-to-heart talks and singing harmonies for their little one when they can't sleep 😂😂

You know what anon, as far as bakushimanari goes I’m a fan of the scenario in which none of them knows what they’re doing with this kid and raising them ends up being a lot of trial and error and asking help from their parents and the rest of the squad (who, by the way, knows just as little as they do) and google - I haven’t thought much about the actual situation before now but... something in which the adopting ends up being something they stumble into wouldn’t be bad, for them. It’d be chaotic, but what isn’t with those three messes, really haha

[caroline18mars]

Into the night - Chapter 82

Jordan absentmindedly stirred her tea, looking out of her kitchenwindow while her mind drifted out to LA and Jared's courtcase, he had sounded so defeated before it had even begun, it bothered her that he didn't seem to want to fight this with every fibre in his being just because Amanda could bring a DNA-test to the table, he was always so eloquent and had such a fighting spirit, then why not now? The dull buzzing of her doorbell startled her so much the little spoon she was stirring with went flying and clattered against the floor, even from something as trivial as the doorbell her heart palpitated wildly and she needed to take a moment to recover before she headed for the door. “Hello princess!” Tom leaned against the doorframe grinning at her,  holding up another bouquet of roses and a bottle of wine, “Tom? Hi!” she frowned and smiled at the same time as he pushed a kiss on her cheek before he walked in the room and handed her the flowers and the bottle. “Thank you, that's way sweet but you shouldn't have, what's the occasion?” she stammered as she suddenly had her hands full, “oh nothing, I was just in the neighbourhood, thought I'd drop by” he casually shrugged. “Righhhttt, you were in the neighbourhood and you kinda wanted to check if I hadn't died yet, is that it?” Jordan smirked as she walked to the kitchen to put the flowers in water, “haha, so not funny, McLeod! I promised I would come and check on you every day, didn't I? And I always keep my promises, so here I am!” he followed her into the kitchen “but anyway, where's that bearded weirdo?”.  Jordan froze for a second putting the flowers in a vase “Uhm no, he's errr..well he had to go back to the States” she tried to sound unaffected but her worries and her insecurity came bursting through. “Whoooo, rewind play here, he's where? You mean he's gone back to the States leaving you here all by yourself? What the fuck for? What happened?” Tom blinked a couple of times, too shocked to believe what he was hearing. 

“He had to, it's Amanda, she's taken him to court for neglect” Jordan slowly turned to face him, “Huh? Neglect? But that child isn't his, for crying out loud, I told him, why the fuck didn't he go to the police or his lawyer with my information? He didn't even get another DNA-test done in the meantime?”. She stared at him dumbfounded as he fired the questions at her “I..I don't know..it must have slipped his mind, I guess, you know, with all that's happened to me after Paris”, Tom snorted sarcastically “it slipped his mind? Really? How fuckin' convenient for him!”. Jordan couldn't take it anymore, he was making her doubt everything right now that she was so vulnerable “Tom, stop it, please” she snapped at him before she turned back to the vase with the flowers, feeling sick to her stomach, Tom was right, why hadn't he? Was it because he wasn't too sure himself? Because he knew that there was a considerable chance that he would be the father after all? Tom put his hands on his hips and hung his head, realizing that he was projecting all his frustrations with Jared at the wrong person. “I'm sorry..I really don't want to talk about Jared  or our private life right now” she broke the silence, nervously arranging the flowers, “fair enough..you're right, it's none of my business..I guess I just..” he tried to find the words but they just wouldn't come. “You were just thinking about Charlotte? You see history repeating itself and that's why you lashed out..at me..good old Charlotte, even dead she is still a force to be reckoned with” she groaned as she lifted the heavy vase out of the sink. “Jordan, that's not..” Tom took the vase from her, “yes it is! I may be sick but I'm not dumb or deaf, Tom, don't you think I know why Jared dropped everything and left me here? I know I'm nothing more than a substitute to him, a substitute for the only woman he truly loved, there is nothing he wouldn't do to make sure he keeps her memory so very much alive, even if that includes giving up on me..that says it all, doesn't it? He'd rather be with his past than stay here with me at this pivotal time..so don't go telling me this is not about her, because I know it is and the last thing I need is someone rubbing it in” she snarled. Her raw honesty and despair shook him to the core leaving him speechless so he folded his arms around her and held her tight, Jordan closed her eyes in pain and snaked her arms under his jacket, soaking up his warmth and hiding her face that she put against his chest so he wouldn't see her lonely tears.

Jared sat there in the courtroom looking at his watch, he just couldn't seem to focus on this charade, he was just here to keep everyone happy except himself, all he had been doing was try and figure out the time difference between LA and London, would she still be up? He so needed to call her, Was everything ok? “Mr. Leto,  so you claim not to be the legitimate father of the child? You claim that the DNA-test was forged, is that correct?” the lawyer addressed him and it made him snap out of his daydream “Uhm, yes that is correct!” he nodded at the judge. Amanda didn't budge though, she didn't even blink or flinch hearing that he was on to her and the dirty game she was playing, she just sat there in her plain clothes and barely any make up on, playing the poor, abandoned mother, paying oh so much attention to the child, in bitter contrast to a couple of months before when she didn't even give a flying fuck to what happened to the baby and she just saw it as a nuisance. “From the information I have here, you're currently not residing in the United States?” the judge looked up from the papers in front of her at him “according to the plaintiff, you, and I quote 'fled the country after finding out you've become a father because it would damage your career and you repeatedly threatened the plaintiff and even verbally and physically assaulted her' unquote. Do you have anything to say to that Mr. Leto? Those are not what you could call small allegations”. Jared felt his blood starting to boil “She's lying! I've never put a finger on her, in fact it's the other way round, she killed Charlotte” he yelled at the judge, causing everyone in the room to gasp in shock. “Hold on, Mr. Leto, please control yourself or I'll have you removed from this room!” the judge sternly raised her voice in order to calm everybody down again “now, let's start at the beginning, where are you currently living?”. Jared took a deep breath and tried to regain his cool “in the UK, in London to be exact” he said, “Ok and do you have any property there? Do you live there alone?” the judge leaned back in her seat, taking off her reading glasses. “I don't, I live with..my girlfriend” why did she need to know if he had any property there? So she could assess his wealth? his mind was racing right now, “Ok, and what's your girlfriend's name?” she looked down again and started writing things down. “Jordan..Jordan McLeod” he stammered, “so it's just you and this..Miss McLeod? According to the plaintiff there's a child living with you in London as well, I take it Miss McLeod is the child's mother?” her incessant questioning was making him nervous, “Noah, his name is Noah, and yes he is living with us, but she's not the boy's mother, he's Jordan's nephew, she's taken him in after her brother and his wife died in a carcrash”. Amanda stood up, surprising everyone “Your honour, I'm sorry to interrupt but can I just add that the correct term for what that woman is doing, is 'kidnapping', she went to the child's grandparents' house one day and just took the boy with her, leaving the country with him as fast as she could!..”. Suddenly there was an explosion in Jared's head “You filthy liar” he hissed and it took Shannon to prevent him from storming over to her and do some real physical damage to her.

”A party? Oh no Tom, I can't!” Jordan stepped out of their embrace shaking her head after he had asked her to join him at this party, “Oh come on, why not? Don't you like dancing?” he said all dissapointed at her refusal. “It's not that! No, I love dancing but..” she shook her head, why did he have to ask her that now? “but what? Is it your heart you're worried about? I mean every doctor will confirm that dancing is good for the heart, come on, you really need to start getting out more instead of being cooped up in here like a weeping willow, you'll have plenty of time to do that when you're old and wrinkly, oh please, please, please?” Tom started begging like a child with a mischievous grin on his face. She bit her lip, the scales were so tipping in his favour, he knew exactly what buttons to push with her that much was obvious “I can't, I've got Noah to look after..” she tried to throw her last card on the table. “Oh come on, he loves staying at Nahla's, he can relax and unwind, instead of having to worry about his aunt” Tom watched her quickly wipe away the remains of her tears  from earlier on  and decided to give her the final push “and don't give me that excuse of not having the right dress, because then you're barking up the wrong tree, I'll lend you a couple if you want, straight from the new collection”. Jordan closed her eyes and shook her head, she couldn't believe that she was going to say this “Fine! Alright! I'll come with you to the party”, Tom squinted his eyes in delight as he clapped his hands “Excellent! Oh sweetheart, you and I are going to have such a good time”. Her phone ringing immediately brought her back to earth, and seeing Jared's name pop up on the screen had her swipe to connect the call instantly “Hey” she whispered as she beelined her way to her room for some privacy, “hey babe, I'm so glad to hear your voice, how are you? Are you ok?” his rugged breathing predicted nothing good. 

“I'm fine, are you? How did it go today?” Jordan sat down by the window and looked out over Camden Town, “Uhmmm..not so good” he mumbled “actually it was a fucking disaster” confirming her prediction. “Why? What happened?” Jordan tried to sound light, hoping he was overreacting, “Amanda..” he breathed, and hearing him say her name sent a shiver down her spine but she let him continue “she said..I..she..said, it was..you were..no, you know what, let's not talk about it” he mumbled incoherently. “Wait a minute, she said what? Did she say something about me? What did she say, Jared?” what the hell could that bitch have to say about her? This whole neglect thing had nothing to do with her, his alarming silence on the other side of the line made her anxiety grow “what did she say?”. She could hear him take a real deep breath “she mostly talked about..you! She told the judge you kidnapped Noah..”, it felt like her heart suddenly stopped beating and when he heard her irratic breathing, he knew it was time to panic, “Jordan? Hey, talk to me? Jordan? Babe?”. Jordan breathed through a dizzy spell “Yeah..I'm here” she whispered in shock, trying to comprehend what the hell was going on over there, the last thing she had expected was this “why did my situation even come up in your courtcase? I just don't understand..” she closed her eyes again and braced for his answer. “I dunno..the judge wanted to know about my marital state..and where I lived..and then she just got up and..anyway, it doesn't matter, I..” Jared tried to change the subject unsuccessfully, “It doesn't matter? I doesn't fucking matter?” Jordan couldn't keep calm any longer. “She's accusing me of kidnapping in front of a judge!!! and you tell me it doesn't matter? How is that going to help your situation? Or mine? So what am I supposed to do do now? Run and hide for the rest of my life? I don't believe this!” she yelled so loud the door opened and Tom stuck his head round, worried about what was happening. He had never heard her this way, on the verge of screaming, he didn't know who he was more angry at right now, Amanda or himself for even telling her and getting her beyond upset “Babe, please, you need to calm down, you'll give yourself another heart attack if you don't calm down, I'll sort this out, I swear! Come on, let's not fight..”. Jordan pinched the bridge of her nose, she just couldn't handle this anymore, seeing her distress, Tom approached her and took the phone from her “Jared? Listen, I'm going to hang up now, she's beside herself and I'm not in the mood to take her to the ER, so whatever it is you two were discussing or fighting over, I'm sure it can wait until tomorrow”. Jared's eyes shot open, hearing Tom's voice instead of hers “Tom, no, don't hang up, I need to know she's ok, put her back on” he tried reasoning with him but to no avail, “No Jared, I'm not gonna put her back on, you should have thought about that before you called her and got her into this state”. Jared stomped his foot in frustration and anger “Tom!! put her back..” but before he could finish his sentence, he already heard the disconnected tone ringing in his ears.

[wastedwishesandhope]

Eccedentesiast

Months quickly passed by so fast like a bullet train traveling from south to north. Roaring so loud to ruin a quiet-sleeping town then will leave without a trace as if it has never been there before.

The traumatic experiences and memories over the months have slowly faded, little by little buried at the back of the brains, now covered with new memories that can be restored and revived anytime you want.

Horrible, exhausting & painful images still flashing before her eyes from time to time, yet, still able to manage and forget. Though forgetting is still the most impossible thing to do yet the only option left.

 After paying the fare, Anna immediately gets off from the cab and stood on the sidewalk. She looked around the street, looking for her best friend Deby who supposedly will meet her for a quick catch up. She was advised to wait outside the coffee shop where they had met last time.

 The sun is high. Clouds formed like fluffy cotton pasted on the sky. Covering the heat from the rays, flashing a gloomy atmosphere down the city. The breeze is cool. The wind blowing mildly, gently stroking her hair.

 Anna fished out the phone from her sling bag then sent a message to Deby to let her know she’s already outside of their meeting place, then she put it back inside her bag.

She scanned the whole place. Watched the people walking past her. Observing the speed between their steps. Staring at the people mindlessly walking with their eyes glued to the screen of their phones. Not minding the accident that may come in front of them.

As she quietly observing the people & enjoying the solitude she has, her eyes landed on the screen right across the street. As if the whole world conspires against her, the LED board suddenly flashes the video of the group she had been trying to avoid for how many months.

How many months? She didn’t know. She lost count or rather, stopped counting.

 The huge screen played the video where BTS won the Billboard Music Award as Top Social Artist of the year.

She felt how her heart skipped a beat by watching them. Couldn’t deny the fact that she misses them, somehow, so much. She missed listening to their music. She missed laughing along with them. She missed the feeling of being part of their lives even if it all just feels like a dream and a nightmare at the same time.

 That night he broke up with her, Anna tried to reach & talk to Park Jimin, but even Kim Taehyung declined to help. She tried so many times but she grew exhausted. She suddenly realizes her worth and how dumb it was to chase for someone who no longer wants you.

Slaving herself from all the requirements needs to be done before her college graduation and also in work made her focused more on one subject than thinking about him. Crying under the shower every night, and waking up the next day to pretend she can get over it. Dodging every news about them by removing her social media accounts and even avoiding all the brands they’re promoting.

She practically removed herself away from his world.

It was hard to do since wherever she look at, wherever she goes, BTS is always there.

HE is always there.

 Even walking down the street back to her apartment, she always remembers the memories they have shared by simply walking there. Whenever she went to her bed, she still imagines his presence, even his smell. It was a torturous feeling to see him everywhere.

Every time she closes her eyes, she could see him. She remembers his smile. His last words when he showed up through her dreams.

 Now, after all the efforts she has made just to avoid him, Anna was standing now in front of a screen flashing the man she once loved, or still love.

Her heart sank.

Going back to square one. She thought she was over him, but found out she’s only pretending.

The scar she always conceals has opened and now bleeding again.

  Park Jimin was smiling while looking directly at the camera. As if he’s looking directly at her. As if he’s smiling while looking at her. His eyes shining, but not because of her. He’s smiling but not because of her. He no longer smiles for her.

Those eyes no longer have substance. No emotion. No feelings.

 Anna wanted to leave right away, but she can’t control her legs. She can’t close her eyes. She can’t do anything but to watch the man who has once made her feel loved, happy, depressed & hated.

His voice rung again in her ears,

 “Not all those who leave left because they no longer love someone, but because the only way to keep loving them is through the distance between them.”

  Anna jolted when someone touched her arms. When she turned her head to see who it was, she saw her best friend Deby smiling at her holding her phone up to show the screen dialing Anna’s phone number. As if she just gotten back into the reality, Anna immediately opened her sling bag, shuffling inside and grabbed her phone. Deby ended the call and just sarcastically looked at her. The ringing ended and Anna’s phone shows 5 missed call from her best friend.

 “I have been calling you. I thought you set your phone in silent mode but I heard it ringing from like fifty steps away that’s why I easily spot you here!” she said then rolled her eyes.

 She stuttered. “I- I’m sorry I- I was just—I—“ she stopped and frustratingly dropped her shoulders, surrendering.

 Deby noticed the LED billboard across the street, and that’s where she realized what’s going on.

 “Oh.”

 Anna just looked back at her friend with a little smile and Deby heaved a deep breath and tapped her best friend’s arm to console her.

 “It’ll never be easy, Anna, but eventually you’ll get better. Soon.”

 She just smiled back. A helpless smile.

   —   —   —

  Both of them decided to find another coffee shop. It was Deby’s suggestion since she said how are they gonna sit back & relax in front of a LED screen if that video continuously playing?

 “I have prepared a party for our graduation and I want you to be there,” Deby said and sipped her coffee Americano.

 “Who else will be there?” Anna asked.

 “I’ve sent an invite to some of our classmates from specific subjects. Just those who get close to us. Kiko will be there as well! I won’t forgive you if you’ll say no! I swear!”

 She laughed. “No, of course, I’ll be there. When did you get time to arrange all these? And by the way, how much should I pay?”

 Deby waved her hand. “No, no. You don’t have to pay for anything. It’s all free! You just need to get your ass there and make sure to have fun! Don’t worry, it’s all mine!”

 Her eyebrow raised in disbelief. “It’s free? Where did you get the money for the expenses? I doubt you ask your parents to help you to arrange it. I know your mom so well. She’d rather spend your money on your monthly bills!”

 Deby sipped her coffee and fidgeting around her bag. “Uhmmm… okay. Of course, i—ask help from few of our wealthy classmates. I just—told them that—yours will be free.”

 Anna’s eyebrows furrowed. She senses something suspicious. Deby anxiously just smiled at her. She can’t just reveal that it was actually all Kim Taehyung’s idea. He wanted to celebrate their graduation & sponsored all the expenses- from the event place up to the foods & drinks. But Deby did all the work since he was so busy for the album production, concert tour & the latest performance in Billboard Music Award. He just calls sometimes to check how the progress was and of course, asking how was Anna doing. Taehyung knew how Anna avoided them and he can’t blame her. She was hurt so much and he wants to pass all the blame to his friend Park Jimin, but he also understands him.

Their relationship just happened to be so complicated. Taehyung & Deby were so affected when their friends broke up and both live a hell of lies that they were fine.

 “It will not be a lavish party. Just to clear things up to you. It will be just a simple party. With friends! It’s not that expensive!” Then Deby laughed awkwardly.

 Anna just nodded. She took a bite of the chocolate cupcake she ordered before asking a question which caught her best friend off guard.

 “So, how was Kim Taehyung?”

 Deby felt how her heart dropped to her stomach. She almost spits her coffee but still acts like it was just a normal question. She looked back to Anna with questions on her face.

 Anna leaned back to rest on the chair. “What? I was just asking how he is. You thought I didn’t know you’re still going out with him?”

 “Going out?!”

 “Going out, I mean, literally going out. Not dating! Just going out to eat or maybe to catch up. Why are you so riled up?”

 Deby just shook her head. “He’s fine.”

 Anna scoffed. “Deby, look, it’s completely fine with me if you’re seeing him. I’m out with that shit. It’s your own life and if that makes you happy then I’ll support you. Taehyung is a nice guy. I just want you to be extra careful since you know he’s not a normal boy- next- door. Especially now that his face is literally all over the world. More eyes are watching every moved they make, and I don’t want you to experience the trouble I had when I’m still dating his. . . friend.” The last word most likely popped into the air.

 Deby brushed her hair up. “Listen, Anna. Taehyung and I are just friends. We appreciate each other company. I’m always there for him as a friend. And I know… he feels the same way. I don’t want to jump to assumptions that he’s into me. Right now, what he needs is a friend. A true friend. In his world that slowly expanding for them, more and more people will try to latch on them, and he needs someone who will be true to him. That’s my role.”

 Anna just smiled a little. “Well, then, fine. But be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt. It’s an unending loop of self- hatred, pain, and trauma.”

 Deby nodded and reached for her best friends hands. “I know. I’ve witnessed how devastated you were before. That’s why I’m teaching myself to set boundaries as much as possible. Let’s enjoy what we have now and think later.”

[purplemonkeyemi]

i hate this class

  1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More milk. I let the cat drink it.

   2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Of course.It’s refreshing.

   3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Receipts if I don’t have a boomark.

   4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Usually just a 1/2 tsp of sugar. But  when I’m making magical study tea, I put a fair amount of sugar in my Earl Grey and milk!

   5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Nah. It’s like my main good feature.

   6: do you keep plants? I used to, when I worked part-time and wasn’t in grad school.

   7: do you name your plants? Only succulents.

   8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Twitter....?

   9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Not generally.

   10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Stomach.

   11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? #oldguys

   12: what's your favorite planet? Earth.

   13: what's something that made you smile today? Hubby’s terrible day, hahaha...

   14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Full of cats and books.

   15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! “The Apollo astronauts' footprints on the moon will probably stay there for at least 100 million years.”

   16: what's your favorite pasta dish? ALL THE PASTA

   17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I’ve got to terms with my boring brown. When I was 18 I wanted to put red chunks in it.

   18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. After I made a slew, a veritable barrage, of poop jokes, a friend commented, “Classy and relevant as always, Emily” -- hubby and I say that all the time now.

   19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? Nah. I used to keep diaries. If I recall, it was all fangirling. John Stamos and Harrison Ford. *shudder* I was 12! 13! 14!..

   20: what's your favorite eye color? Brilliant blue. (sorry, hubby)

   21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. This white zebra bag I got for like $2 that was one of my two bags during our two weeks in Europe. We each had two backpacks, and that was all.

   22: are you a morning person? Yep.

   23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Read. Snuggle. TV.

   24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? My dearest husband.

   25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? A former employee “broke” us into the Eudora Welty House garden so I could see it. It was just a little unlocked gate outside of regular hours.

   26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Various slip on shoes.

   27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? Regular.

   28: sunrise or sunset? I’m singing that Fiddler on the Roof song now.

   29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? Heeheehee. Hubby does some cute things <3

   30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Yes.

   31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I love wearing fun socks. I WILL NOT wear socks in bed. I HATE when hubby’s socked feet touch me on the sofa or in the bed.

   32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. We sat outside talking and drinking. ...whee.

   33: what's your fave pastry? All those pastries I stuffed in my face that afternoon in Arles, France. Omgggggggg.

   34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? What, I’m supposed to only have one?? Geez. I had so many that were ultra-important. There was this one that I got for Christmas when I was about 7. He was real big. I named him Snugglebunch. I used to pray that he could come alive, and I promised God if he made him alive I wouldn’t tell anyone. Snugglebunch is always in our living room now. Still not alive.

   35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I have crap handwriting. Just saying.

   36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? I’m in a very un-music mood.

   37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I like it clean. But I make it messy.

   38: tell us about your pet peeves! Most of them are work-related.

   39: what color do you wear the most? Uhmmm, I wear alot of black at work.

   40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? I have a beautiful engagement ring from that wonderful boy I married.

   41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? Ooooh, uhm, Interpreter of Maladies, maybe. Or Princess Jellyfish.

   42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! They’re all pretty much the same, to me. As long as I can get an Earl Grey, hot chai, or a London Fog.

   43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Husband.

   44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Yesterday or the day before.

   45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Eh.

   46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. I have so many.... my sheep jokes are killer.

   47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Pizza rolls. Don’t tell hubby.

   48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? The rapture. How embarrassing. Not scared of that anymore. I escaped conservative fundamentalist Christianity.

   49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? YES. I bought a few at the church garage sale last week. John Denver, Cole Porter, and such.

   50: what's an odd thing you collect? Kevin Kline, Sean Bean, and Robin Williams movies.

   51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? My friend growing up. Smashmouth’s “Allstar.”

   52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? I’m not real up on my memes. I still like the old classics.

   53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Yes, no, yes, yes. Eh, I was pretty drunk through Rocky Horror, but I recall liking it and finding Tim Curry extremely attractive in drag. The other two I didn’t care for.

   54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? Sean Bean looked PRETTY sad in Frankenstein Chronicles tonight.

   55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? I roll around on the floor alot. I can be QUIET dramatic in good humor.

   56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Laughs.

   57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? It just reminds me of season 3 of American Idol.

   58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I used to be the vodka aunt. Now I’m the sparkling wine mom.

   59: what's your favorite myth? Nothing comes to mind.

   60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I try. I used to really like Gerard Manley Hopkins. I still might. It’s been some years.

   61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? I don’t give or get stupid gifts.

   62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Sometimes. Usually orange.

   63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I mean. DVDs are alphabetized. Books are divided by genre and alpha’ed by author. We’re human beings, not animals!

   64: what color is the sky where you are right now? BLACK.

   65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? Mmph. Not really. I guess there are some people I’d like to catch up with, but it might not actually be that fun.

   66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Wildflowers entwined.

   67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Like Lord of the Rings.

   68: what's winter like where you live? Mild. To say the least.

   69: what are your favorite board games? We play alot of Dominion and Munchkin when we get the chance.

   70: have you ever used a ouija board? Nope.

   71: what's your favorite kind of tea? Earl. Grey.

   72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? YES.

   73: what are some of your worst habits? I bite my nails. I can be bossy.

   74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Nah.

   75: tell us about your pets! Abby sleeps alot and just wants food. Tucker is SO annoying but very sweet. Norrell is a twerp. But he’s fluffy.

   76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? I should perhaps be paying more attention to class.

   77: pink or yellow lemonade? Yellow. I’m not an animal.

   78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? I’m ambivalent.

   79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? <3

   80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Cobalt blue. I did choose it; I painted it. Why? Because the interior of this whole house was mauve. Barf. I like jewel tones and thought it would match our brown bedspread.

   81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. ....no.

   82: are/were you good in school? Yes.

   83: what's some of your favorite album art? I’m not really into album art.

   84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I’ve considered some nerdy ones.

   85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I read some graphic novels and manga. Locke and Key is great. Wicked + Divine is great. Lots of stuff is good...

   86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Does Diamond Dogs count?

   87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Star Wars. Lord of the Rings. French Kiss. The Prestige. Chappie. Equilibrium. Snow Cake. Just a couple..

   88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Uhmm... I find surrealism and dadaism very interesting.

   89: are you close to your parents? Not particularly.

   90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. DC is our Paris.

   91: where do you plan on traveling this year? We’re going back to Durham, DC, and NYC in a couple months. Probably going to DragonCon in Atlanta again in September.

   92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? Not really a cheese on pasta gal.

   93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Ponytail or bun.

   94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Our friend Jenny.

   95: what are your plans for this weekend? Homework. Movies. Watching Wasted with hubby before Lent starts. Hah.

   96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? PROCRASTINATE.

   97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INTJ (yep, the sociopath one), Taurus, *mumbles* Hufflepuff....

   98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? Little Rock. It was okay. I have a bad leg that collapses if I’m not careful, and if I’m not in shape it makes life difficult.

   99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Hallelujah, Leonard Cohen. The Sharpe theme song. Hahaha...

   100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? I wouldn’t want to permanently skip the next five year or permanently relive the last five. I would only want to visit. And probably not go forward... what if it’s bad?