Distant Gunsmoke
Cw: grief,guilt, strife has complicated feelings towards Death.
Summary: Strife thought he would go about his night watch duty calmly,but it shows him just how much he needed a genuine act of kindness.
A/N1: my entry to strife september,hosted by the brilliant,talented @darkdemeter check her stuff out shes so cool yall. Also hi Dem this is Jer (in one of my many side blogs) I can finally show you one of the 2 (and soon to be 3) full fics i wrote. This one is ONE MONTH OLD. IVE WAITED SO LONG OH MY GOD.
A/N2: Hi new readers, I write character studies. X Readers are not really something im good at (for personal reasons i wont get into here),for X readers check out Dem and many other cool fic writers in this community (moodymisty,grandaughterogg,etc)
Beauty Is in the eye of the beholder ,or so humans say.
Well,Strife can't help but agree.
The gunslinger sits on one of the high branches of the Maker Tree,sunset casting golden light across the barren,sundered remains of The Kingdom of Man. He breathes in the crispy air of late afternoon and relaxes just a little as purple-ish blue shadows harshly blanket over the cityscape And his tall,imposing form.
He's well aware none of his siblings ever sat down and appreciated the Beauty within humanity's craftsmanship. From cozy,warm homes where bonds were formed and nurtured, to tall buildings reaching for the sky-Appropiately Named 'Sky Scrapers'-,Man could make things other beings would only dream of.
Not that all this surprises Him, he knew from day one that these frail beings were important and capable. He's seen it all in his travels across this wasteland and his stay as a 'refugee' here in Haven.
If only his siblings,specially Death,could see what he sees.
...If that were to be possible,he might get along better with his grump of an older sibling and the rest of his remaining bretheren.
The reaper would never admit it, but up until now hes seen humans as things. He May know that they are important,but the specifics are lost on his grief-addled mind. No matter how much the spirit of timeless unrest tried to explain, all his words are absorbed by the high walls of thick despair Death has built around him,his heart,his mind And,dare Strife say it, soul.
By now he doesn't bother,waste of breath and energy.
Yet a part of him still hopes the pale rider finally changes his view on things.
Family,though sometimes less than functioning,was still family. At least to Strife.
Sure,he had been raised alongside the old reaper,but when you're one of the four remaining nephilim....Well family acquires a whole new meaning. One the gunslinger still has to figure out.
He sighs loudly,wondering if any human within the trunk of the tree could advice him on how to get along better with his siblings. He doesn't doubt for a moment that one of those answers might just be "therapy"
Now he'd never admit it...But Creator,he'd like to go to therapy some day.
...Could human therapists even handle The ammount of trauma he's got?
Could he handle it if it ever came up?
Jokes and bravado was all fun and games until the chips are down and him opening up might just save him,his siblings, and mankind. He desperately wants Fury to shut up and listen to what he has to say,but he knows his sister well and she's not going to stop until she hits her head against the wall...repeatedly.
He just hoped she didn't have to go through all that pain to finally see things as they are.
But his sister's...his siblings actions are something he can't control,or make himself responsible for. And he's still yet to make his peace with it.
God,Why were bonds so...difficult?
Anxiously he taps on his helmet,now resting on his lap,as night falls. Here, under the starlet blackness above,is where danger begin to plot,scheme and -Creator forbid- strike.
The horseman rubs the exhaustion out of his yellow eyes. As he does so,he remembers young War couldn't discern Strife's yellow sclera from his actual ochre colored eyes.
It makes him chuckle with endearment, tiredness dissipating for a few seconds before returning with full force.
He's so tired...
He's tired of being lied to,he's tired of him and his siblings being in their head instead of focusing on the now.
Grief stuck to them all like Spiderwebs on corners,leaving them two options: face their past and move on,or wither away in bitterness.
For now,he can guess that three out of the four that they are Will make it out of that web.
And still,he worries for the one less capable of doing so.
Upwards does his gaze go, noticing the smallest,dying star struggling to light up the darkness. No other of its bretheren help, so its left to agonize into an uncertain future.
The image makes his eyes burn,he feels his chest tighten and....
--You've spent a long time up there...--Comes the voice of Ulthane from a small balcony/platform underneath the branch he's sitting atop.
Strife leads his thumbs to wipe the corners of his eyes--Right...right...--he winces at how his voice breaks. He sniffs loudly and grabs his helm
--Y'alright?
Like he's done a thousand,million times,he puts on his helmet over his chiseled,handsome features,effectively shutting off his emotions--Jus' peachy-- He replied--Jus' peachy...
With a gesture of his hand,the disguise of Jones comes up,and he pushes away the memory of Death teaching him illusion magic. The tenderness of the moment is too much for him to bear right now,the smile of his child self all too bright against the monster he is now.
And the smoldering warmth in his oldest brothers eyes...
Heavy boots clatter on the balcony. Strife...Jones, looks up at the maker and he hates how in this form he's the small one.
--Y'dont seem right t'me...--Ulthane said with something akin to a fatherly concern.
But the rider shrugs and finds his bravado that he pulls over his face like curtains behind a Window.--Doesn' matter,the scenery really jus' stole my attention.
And he leaves for the entrance to Haven to begin his nightly watch as he usually volunteers to do.
Ulthane watches Strife go,eyes narrowing with a glint of pity. He still remembers the hard time he gave to the gunslinger when he first sneaked into the tree, posing as a human.
Old as he is,the Black Hammer could smell his nephilim nature a mile away. But after a brief-albeit agressive- chat,his antagonism of the rider lessened over time and quite quickly.
Tender heart Strife's got.
Well,his siblings do call him the 'delicate one'
Isn't it concerning how much his siblings haunt his mind?.
Behind his hood,feeling like a cheap imitation of his youngest of kin, Strife walks to the entrance with one of the makers that wait with him for this routine. She also knows who-what he is.
--Hey! Evening!--Comes the voice of the female maker,blonde hair and carrying a gigantic battle axe. He feels a little guilty he doesn't remember her name.
--Howdy!--He drawls, a big grin on his face.
--Took you a bit...--She pointed out,a bit concerned--Y'usually 'ere before nightfall..
With lips a little pursed,he shrugs and adds--I...fell asleep.
--But you dont need sleep?
--It's uh...pleseant --Which wasn't a complete lie,he liked to sleep...but he wasn't sleeping up in that branch.
More like....wallowing?
Thankfully the maker drops it, knowing all beings were quirky like that. Makers most of all,but Strife wouldn't be surprised if Nephilim won in that regard- They're a mix of Angel and Demon,surely something in their internal wiring has to be a little janky.
Like that one time he got stuck in his Anarchy form. He was a little too crazed with bloodlust, and then he thoroughly freaked out when he realized he couldn't get back to his normal self.
Fury and War were a little worried,if not amused.
But it was Death who sat down with him and actually helped him calm down and return to normal. Bitter,old and grumpy reaper sat infront of him and in his sardonic way guided him to a point where he was calm.
To this day,he wonders if the pale rider was talking from experience-He'd give anything to hear the story if that was the case.
Yet the sentiment is not lost on him,the implicit,crushing worry in the actions of the eldest nephilim. He really tries to hate him,he really does try...
His pondering takes up most of the night,he's silent and thumbing his guns reflectively. If the maker beside him noticed,she didn't say anything.
But he is taken out of it when he hears a set of slow,Tiny steps behind him. He turns with his brows furrowed,its a bit past midnight- all kids should be asleep by now,and adults too.
Yet he sighs in recognition at the child. Matted,messy and long light blonde hair,grey eyes and pale skin. He can see the lines of the sheets and pillows pressed into her features,curling around her eyebrows,forehead And the beggining of her nosebridge.
--Angie...--Chided Strife,slowly walking up to the kid and kneeling infront of her--Whats the matter,Kiddo? What're ya doin' up so late?
The girl leaned into his touch when his hand went to push away her thin and almost platinum hair. --Uhm...I...I couldn't sleep.
He held back a sigh,he hopes she doesn't wander off--D'you know why?
--I..i worry..--Angie whispered,looking at the ground--Mama says we'll be fine but..--She sighs and rubbs the exhaustion out of her eyes--When..when I worry I get nightmares, i don't...i don't want nightmares
--You can stay for a bit--He resolved, patting her shoulder gently--Calm down,and then back to bed, young Lady
The girl smiled a little and nodded,waddling over to the spot at the edge of the balcony/entrance of the tree had. Both sit and watch the barren world shadowed in darkness with little Glimmers of moonlight-Like how hope feels when it finally begins to peek through the black clouds.
Strife feels the kid lean on him,looking at the world that once was her home. His brown eyes look down at the messy head of hair and he sighs. With a gentleness thats so unbecoming for a horseman, he begins to untangle the strands that gleam with white highlights.
--You remind me of someone...--He murmured--His hair always gets messy,even as a full grown adult.
Angie giggled--Well,uhm..I Like playing in the mud, and Rolling around...mom says thats why Its always like that
He let out an amused scoff--Yep,that'll do it. --He grinned--Rowdy thing arentcha?.--The kid shrugged. --I can't say you'll grow out of it, my brother sure as hell didn't.--Heavenly are the giggles that the kid lets out, he wonders how the world can be so cruel to spoil such a pure thing. Fills him with rage.
Eventually he finished with his task of untangling her hair,now it curls and falls past her gentle face. Her eyelids begin to fall closed and her body rests against his, he sighs and Gently he begins to softly sing a lullaby.
Its old,older than mankind, older than him.
How old it is? Strife isn't sure. All he knows is that Death sung it to him,and the gunslinger sung it to war,and Now he sings it to this human. Who is unaware of the milenia old culture being imparted upon her right now.
But it does the trick,working like a charm as Angie falls asleep not soon after. He sighs in relief and returns to watch the cityscape for a little.
--Angela...!--Came the voice of the kid's mother,soft as to not wake anyone but loud enough for him to hear. She pushes back her own bed-head, messy blond hair and her green eyes narrow with motherly disdain.
He chuckled and said--Took care of it already,Gabriella.
The older human woman Gently picked up her sleeping kid and sighed--She scared me to the death just now,I woke up and couldn't find her...Thank you,Jones.
Strife shrugged--Jus' doin ma job.
Gabriella nodded with a tired,small smile--Do you want some tea? It's getting cold.
Really? He hasn't noticed.
Well...he does run naturally warm so...no surprise there.
--Sure--He answered,to Keep up appereances mostly but he did enjoy a good cup of tea. --Hey uh- there's probably more supplies now after our last run so...--His request dies on his tongue as shame creeps into his throat.
But the woman's eyes widen with recognition,which confuses him a little--Ah,yeah I'll Check that. First I'm putting this trouble maker to bed and I'll get to your tea
He nodded--Alright
Gabriella walks out,murmuring something about how she "Hopes the tea she makes tastes exactly how he described it". He pays it no mind,Specially as the female maker he had as a companion chuckled and joked--Your big brother instincts came out on that one...
The rider scoffed and rolled his eyes,dismissing her words with a hand gesture. But it's clear from his silence that he's giving her the reason.
And his silence lingers even after he hears the human woman walk into the main chamber of the Maker Tree, her soft steps barely echo even in the graveyard like silence of the world she finds herself in.
--Here...--She said softly,handing Him a mug of brick red,handmade. He can see the small handprints that denote that a human made it.
--Since when do we have mugs?
Gabriella chuckled--I made them
His brows raised with pleaseant surprise--That's really awesome! Where'd you find the clay though?
--Last supply run before the one you did the other day. Ulthane helped me Cook It and glaze it.--She laughed softly--Angie wanted to come with and...
--Let me guess,she toussled 'round in the dirt and mud?--he asked with a Snicker.
--Yup...--Smirked the human.
--Sound's a hell lot like my youngest sibling
He holds the warm cup between his hands,rough and a little scarred. This disguise only reflected his true self,this human visage was covered in scars from battles. And even if nobody could tell what he was in this magic ruse he's concocted, his story still told itself through the little things.
As humans say,the devil's in the details.
--You've never talked about your siblings--Gabrielle noted, a little worried--or you,for that matter. You only mentioned that one anecdote about the tea and--She stopped herself as if she had a spoiled a surprise-- Doesn't matter. Your siblings...Are they okay?
He nodded--Just peachy,trust me. They're hard to kill--He half joked,but then he made a brief and pensive pause. He can see the humans brows arch and her lips purse,so unlike Him to go quiet mid-sentence-- Maybe I'll tel you an' lil' Angie about them some other time,Gabi.
--Of course--the woman smiled with warmth,motherly warmth--I have no doubt they're as resilient,and good, as you are
Within his disguise,he winces.-- we...We aren't good.
--I'm sure you've done your fair share of bad things in these trying times..but your actions now show how far you've come.
He sighed--You know? My youngest brother had said something like that once. --He smirked as he remembered the wild goose chase him and War had been sent on back when they were still chasing Lucifer-- He sat me down at this beautiful, beautiful cliff. We...we had some bad memories attached but we couldnt really leave...
Strife had inherited Death's talent as a storyteller,and hes not surprised to see Gabrielle sit and listen attentively.
--We...we were on a job,we had done a thing there..something I'm not proud of. That we aren't proud of,no matter how much some of us lie to ourselves--He scratched the bridge of his nose anxiously. Unconciously including himself in the fact that he also lied to himself quite a lot-- I had said something bitter about how that place was a testament to our failures
Gabi put a hand on his wrist and squeezed it fondly--D'aw,Jones...
He shook his head--Dont worry,My lil' brother Wa--He stopped himself mid sentence,biting his tongue--Wah- William looked at me in the eye and said "Let this be a reminder of how far we've come, and how much we yet have to achieve" an' lemme tell ya,for a guy built like a brick shit house...well he can be quite insightful
The human woman scoffed--Often the youngest tend to see things in a way us old farts don't-- she half joked,throwing a conspiratorial wink his way as both begin to hear a set of small steps--And speaking of...
Both turn to see Angela run at Jones to give him a tight,loving hug--Goodnight Mr.Jones! Thank you for protecting Us--Then she faced her mother--I know you said I had to sleep but...I didn't want to go to bed without saying goodnight!! He stays up all night to watch over us and...
--Okay,Wee one,y'said yer goodnights,C'mon--The female maker picks up the kid and gestures to the older human woman--You too,Gabi.
Gabriella nodded at her "fellow" human and wished him a calm evening,then she follows the maker into the tree. He's rendered alone,with himself and his thoughts.
Strife scoffs out a chuckle,wind pushing the leaves to rustle Gently and making his ears twitch. Even now,he's alert.
Then he returns to face the sundered city and he tries to push down the wave of feelings that threatens to break on him and drown him in foam. To help combat this,he drinks from the tea that hasn't gone cold given his furnace temperature that he carried.
But it turns out that it only helps to finish forming the tide that was looming over him.
First comes the taste,earthy,spicy,a bit rudimentary. Then,the smell of manually grounded spices and herbs...
His mind flashes to happier times,how he traveled with Death,Back when they were both young and the masacre was ways away in time. It was cold, neither felt it but the gunslinger could see his breath fog in the air.
Death was a complete different person before the erradication,still sharp and deadly but with a soft side reserved to his siblings.
At that time,both took shelter within a cave. He made a little Fire and brewed a batch of tea for both of them, he taught his brother how to make it.
Tasted just like it does now,the flavor swirling in his tongue with pleaseant nostalgia. Didn't he make that same tea for Fury and War when they got back?
Didn't Death ruffle his hair and gave him one of his half-assed compliments?.
It's all so vivid. Those clawy fingers that messed with his locks,that raspy,endeared and endlessly, purely warm tone as he said "For a rascal like you,that's quite a good tea." His gaze was melted honey behind those firey eyes that look so much like the gunslinger's, the slight quirk in his lips back when his face wasn't always covered.
He misses seeing his brother's face,the face he always seeked when he had a bad dream,the face that offered comfort and safety and un-ending love for him and his siblings.
He misses his family.
And finally,the tide breaks to swallow him whole.
Strife,Spirit of timeless unrest,the white rider,horseman, cries.
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