#uncle siegfried has it bad

[roominthecastle]

[smallpotato80]

ACGAS S4 CS

First, SO much better than last year - except for the Siegfried/Tris scenes in the S3 CS.

Siegfried and Mrs. Hall were united in their care for Helen.

Siegfried sticking his beak in by picking up the extension in the bedsit! Ha!

Audrey finally took her ring off! Her divorce has been finalized for months now -and she had that interlude w/Gerald for second - but NOW she removes the ring.

Siegfried saying Mrs. Hall has sacrificed so much for them and he won't let her down. Bless him.

Siegfried has been SO involved in this divorce storyline. It HAS to mean something. I mean it can't just be a "friends" story with them. The set-up IS there. I don't think Audrey & Siegfried Shippers were hallucinating some intentional vibes/moments there last night.

Carmody, my boy, welcome to the big house! He's earned a room at Skeldale.

Mrs. Hall seemed to be very comfortable giving Mr. Farnon a honeydo list of tasks and he was more than happy to oblige

I would have thought we would have seen at least a Christmas card from Tris but, guess not. Oh, well. They continue to refer to him though. I don't think Tris is ever coming back to stay. Yes, he may visit, but I don't think he'll live at Skeldale again.

Mrs. Pumphrey and Tricky at the party! And Tricky had his own little couch by the fire! Like the boss that he is! Respect.

Baby Herriot was beautiful!

Siegfried cleaning up! Siegfried Cleaning up! Mrs. Hall let him! I mean, technically it is his kitchen but, still, she didn't shoo him away and she so nicely educated him about where the stop for the sink lives. So now Siegfried can continue to help with dishes if he is so inclined to do so....which he might be so he can spend more time with her... and she may welcome that too...

The bad?

Not bad, but James' storyline was kind of dull or just not the highlight.

The blue color tint they insist on using... I get they film in June but... not cute. The "snow" looked like paint too. Sorry, it just did. Mostly in the airbase scenes with James.

Series 5?

Wow, there's SO MUCH potential! Siegfried and Audrey playing Auntie and Uncle to baby James!

Audrey and Siegfried have a new adopted son - Carmody - to help guide and they are at their best with that!

There's no doubt Siegfried is in love with Mrs. Hall...

Mrs. P HAS to play a role in getting Mr. Farnon and Mrs. Hall together. Mrs. P is wise. She has loved and lost herself. She has seen Mr. Farnon's affection for Mrs. Hall twice now - once with Dash and now with toasting her above Jesus.

The real Siegfried did go on to become the vet at the race track so I wonder if that may be introduced in series 5.

I SO want to see Audrey and Helen working together on a community project. Mrs. P. seems to be very familiar with both now and I could see her partnering with them to support efforts

Hey, can Mrs. P help with a dance? Audrey is single now so she can attend! I know it's wartime, but could it be black tie?

Could we get a road trip for Helen and Audrey? Maybe going out to collect fees?

I have this vision of a horse being involved in a scenario with Audrey and Siegfried. The Real Siegfried brought a horse to dinner party and I could see that worked into a storyline. Can you see Siegfried trying to get Mrs. Hall up onto a horse! I can! It could funny and kind of romantic at the same time...

I do worry about Edward's fate... the timeline is not kind to his ship in 1941. Audrey deserves some happiness.

Merry Bloody Christmas!

[icharchivist]

To keep the parent discussion going, Vane would be a good dad

In fact, none of the dragon knights would be bad dads, but Vane is the obvious best one imo

Completely agreed!! Vane would be so good!!

I feel like, with Vane especially we see how he is with the Chickadee so it's like. Kinda obvious in a sense. Because we see him with kids often enough to know exactly how he would treat them.

That kinda extends to the whole Dragon Knights in general, but yeah, since the Chickadees are specifically under Vane's juridiction, he shines especially on that regard.

To me one of the stand out moment about that is back in Divergent Knighthood when he realizes the group is having a hard time adjusting and they're being bullied, and then Vane invites them in the kitchen to make them a lot of good food and encourage them to cook with them, where he can praise them and remind them of all the little things they're doing right.

I think it really showcase a willingness to let the kids have some room to brood without overstepping their boundaries, but reminding them still that they're cared for and believed in regardless of what might be getting their mood down. It lift their spirits and distracts them and it helps them therefore feeling better the next day.

There's of course also all the obvious, that he's a grandma boy who basically had "taking care of others" really imprinted in his mind at a young age, that he still grieves his parents and wish no one would go through the pain of losing their family so he double down on being a good family person, and of course how dedicated he is in protecting everyone and especially being the one person everyone can rely on at all time.

But yeah somehow to me it's this small scene in Divergent Knighthood where he just sees the kids are down and he cheers them up in his own way that really stood out to me. Because being a parent isn't always in the big things, it's also on how to handle the little frustrations of life while also giving the kids the space to handle their emotions on their own while knowing that they can rely on you at all time, and this scene really drives it home for me.

There's other small scenes too like how he tries to take care of Renie in his Halloween FE even if she keeps trying to distance herself from him, or how he helps a very young ghost boy in his Halloween FE in an extremely caring way. Vane honestly has too good of a track record with kids. and let's not forget:

Vane would be THE perfect dad. Like for real. I 100% believe in it.

the other dragon knights may have some shortcomings i'd say, but they're good with kids and would actively work through their shortcomings if needed, especially with their own children.

I feel if anything, Siegfried may dislike himself enough that he would never want to have children of his own, and he doesn't perfectly know how to help out sometimes, especially since he wasn't exactly raised into society and everything and that before he joined the knights "just fight them" was his usual answer to most problems. I feel like his major issue would just be that he would think he attracts more problem than he's worth on the kids around him and would eventually feel like he can't get too close because else he would fail them in some way.

But we've seen him being extremely sweet and kind with the chickadees, we've seen him set his distances with them only to see that the kids are more than willing to cling to him and he gives back the affection the kids give him as well.

another issue with Siegfried i think would still be the trauma of having watched his godson die though. I genuinely think this would be something that adds to Siegfried believing he doesn't deserve to be around children.

All in all, Siegfried is the perfect cool uncle, and is incredibly good with kids, but he would be held back by his own trauma and some of his shortcomings.

Lancelot on the other hand, has for big problem that he overworks himself. He's the type to get lost in his work and forget to come home for dinner. He's good with kids, he's caring and everything, but also he tends to slip more easily into the commanding captain's mood and it's how he ends up being a little more distant with the Chickadees than Vane is. Not disqualified to being a parent, but without Vane's help he would totally end up overwhelmed and not always being great with it's needed.

And for Percival, he's really good with kids but he can't dial down his tsundere-ness with them either, and it can be give or take basically. Sometimes his bluntness ends up being exactly what the kid needs to hear, sometimes he comes off as *too* blunt (i still think he was somewhat rude to Arthur and Mordred in SIEGFRIED for instance when he was trying to lecture them, and it's only because Vane was there to soften the blow that the kids ended up taking it well).

But also compared to the rest i feel like Percival may behave a little differently with his own child, more than how he is with kids in general. Mainly, i feel like he is much more likely to try to emulate the way his mother raised him, than the commanding officer outlook he usually gives to the children he meets in his journey.

For the others knights i would say "the way they treat the random kids they met indicate how they would treat their own children as well" pretty easily, but for Percival i do genuinely think he would probably be slightly different with his own kids.

None of them would be bad, but i can easily point to shortcomings they would have with their kids for instance. Not for Vane though. Vane would be a perfect dad and had proven that he would gladly be so.

so yeah, the Dad awards go to Vane, hands down.

[releasing-my-insanity]

Thoughts on the ACGAS 2020 wedding episode in sort-of chronological order. Under the cut for length and spoilers.

Mrs. Herriot Sr. - No one wants to hear about how you think James is a small child, okay?

I’m honestly relieved that the obnoxious thing Siegfried said was complaining that other people make his life harder by having lives of their own. I was genuinely convinced from the promotional pictures that he said something really bad like “Hope Helen gets pregnant on the honeymoon.” After which Mrs. Hall and Helen would have been justified in committing homicide.

Right Siegfried, because the farmer’s daughter has no idea that springtime is busy. Obviously.

Helen casually destroying Siegfried with a couple of sentences when he’s being obnoxious is great.

CLANCY MY BELOVED YOU’VE RETURNED TO ME!!! *Happy dances because of Clancy.*

Tristan’s like “Wow, a week in North Yorkshire.” Errr. Where are you then? I swear to you I thought Darrowby was in North.

This is why bachelor parties shouldn’t be held the night before the wedding. So no one gets hungover.

Really? You expect me to believe that Maggie would just get them a “yard of beer”? And not say something like “and have Helen murder me? No thanks.” I can literally hear that in her voice.

Speaking of Maggie - OMG Arthur, there are so many red flags. Get out of there. She’s still doing that thing where she smiles affectionately at Tristan when he’s not looking AND she can’t find a single reason why she likes Arthur. She’s not even trying.

Also, wow, no offense to the actor, but Arthur is very bland looking. Could they possibly have styled him in a more boring way?

The part with Helen and Jenny on the roof was so cute.

Oh, oh, Tristan. Sweetheart I’m so sorry Maggie’s being written like that specifically to hurt you. I want to give him a hug so much. He seems very relieved when he realizes it’s Jess. Poor guy must have been having an awful dream.

Siegfried...Why are you like this?

Why on EARTH does Siegfried think Tristan is so incompetent that he can’t even do the simplest job there is? Does he think he can’t eat with a fork too?

At first I felt bad for Wilfred that he’d probably end up with PTSD or hurt or something in WWII. But after he spent the whole thing being a jerk I was just like “Bye, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

Oh James. He’s honestly too good for his own good. Honey, Siegfried and Tristan can do that tomorrow. Or George Pandhi can take care of it. You are not the only vet.

James: We could enlist! Tristan: Here’s a better idea. We could not do that. Honestly James, get a grip. Go get married, exercise some “husband-ly prerogatives” (with Helen’s enthusiastic consent and participation obviously), and get some sleep. You’ll feel better.

Err...You guys had six months to get the top floor cleaned up. Why have you done nothing?

Mrs. Hall choosing the box with Evelyn’s veil in it to bring down because clearly Siegfried should be sad today.

Hey look, I was right half right when I decided Siegfried was courting Evelyn before he went into WWI and married her when he got out.

I’m sorry but there is NO WAY Clancy ate the ring box. That was absurd.

I like that Mrs. Hall is wearing her hair in her preferred party style but a touch looser. It’s cute.

Ha at Helen mocking her dad and Jenny for worrying.

*Fingers crossed that Helen’s only the FIRST woman to change her mind about her first fiance and that Maggie will be the second.*

Siegfried’s so good he can tell that a cow’s leg can’t be fixed from ten feet away. Impressive.

I’m curious if Tristan not being able to put down the cow will come up again or if it was just another opportunity for Wilfred to be mean.

Oh wild, Mr. Hall has a first name. Robert? And their son is named Edward? Is this a Twilight joke?

Really? Mrs. Pumphrey would skip a wedding? Especially the wedding of Tricki’s Auntie Alderson and Uncle Herriot? REALLY?

Um, anyone want to help Helen with her skirt and veil in the mud? No? Okay...

Why are there no wedding guests? This seems odd. Do they have no other friends? And the few people who are there are so socially distanced I honestly thought Covid protocols had gone back in time to the ‘30s.

Also why are Anne and Bert not there? If anyone should be there it’s the two people who are the reason this wedding even happened. Even in my most pared-down idea for who they’d have at their wedding I thought Anne and Bert were obvious. And it seems rude to invite Tom to the bachelor party and not the wedding. I’m very confused.

At first I was delighted to hear Sheep May Safely Graze in the church like I’d wanted. But then it went right back to the Bridal Chorus. *Sighs.* Please can we NOT play Wagner right before WWII?

Seriously? James put the ring in his pocket? Does no one trust poor Tristan? When has he ever done anything to deserve this?

“James Alfred.” Called it! Just like the actual guy. Genuinely wanted Helen to be “Helen Joan” though.

This is probably just me but did the whole wedding seem vaguely surreal to anyone else? Like, slightly hazy and like a daydream sequence?

The ceremony was very sweet, but I really wanted more of it. I had hoped for half the episode to be wedding and it felt a tad rushed.

Helen...Tristan is heartbroken, he doesn’t want more reminders that the woman he loves is engaged to someone else. Please don’t fling your bouquet at him.

I like that he offered it to Mrs. Hall who’s still technically married and couldn’t remarry if she wanted to. Like, “here, you’re a safe person to take this.”

I do not like the concept of “traveling clothes.” Let me imagine wedding nights in wedding dresses please. *Imagines Helen putting her wedding dress back on when they get where they’re staying. For important wedding night reasons.*

I know it was meant as a joke, but Helen and James...Starting your marriage off by lying about the day is honestly not a great start. I’ll just assume they actually talked about it a bit later.

That is an exceptionally pretty lake. Excellent job location scouts.

Bet Tristan’s glad to have his bed back. But I also bet he misses having James as a roommate.

Bye bye Wilfred. Please do tell the drill sergeants that they’re doing things wrong, I’m sure they’ll love that.

I was surprised by the second plaque on the pillar, like, there’s so much room on the first one that I thought they would eventually just add names to it. So it would say “Siegfried Farnon. James Herriot. Veterinarians.” Or whatever. (And of course add Tristan’s name in eventually.)

Lol at Siegfried’s pet rat. Wonder if we’ll see it again/What Jess thinks of it.

“Fifty/Fifty everything?” No, Tristan and Mrs. Hall still get paid too. (Yes, I know what he meant, it just made me laugh.)

Helen being like “Married Couple Time Now,” and James being super slow on the uptake cracked me up.

Tristan’s confusion is honestly even funnier. Dude, you make sex jokes at them in like three different episodes. Didn’t it occur to you that they might have sex now they’re married?

Say, don’t drop your suitcase in the hall. Don’t you want to get the condoms out of it? (You can’t convince me they didn’t get condoms so don’t try.)

The bit in their bedroom is very cute.

Am confused by the way that room is laid out. The bed is pretty much right at the top of the stairs and then there’s at least two doors that go...somewhere. Hopefully the layout becomes clearer at some point. But like, nobody go upstairs without knocking.

I stand by what I’ve already said. Tristan dissembled their bed for his own amusement.

Hey James, I’ll tell you three excellent things about living there. 1. It’s conveniently located. 2. You don’t have to pay rent or a mortgage. 3. Mrs. Hall’s cooking >>>> Helen’s cooking.

Siegfried, the phone was a bad idea. Try putting a phone in YOUR bedroom and see how YOU like it.

Genuinely expected Helen to take the receiver off the hook and whoever was on the other end of the phone to have to listen to them make out.

The bit with the phone was funny I guess, but a fluffy episode ending wouldn’t hurt would it? At least Helen’s laughing.

[megashadowdragon]

**1.**Punching Gilgamesh the moment you are summoned/enter a fight/enter a room is not reasonable and should not be done at any time -Gudao

1a. Not even when he barges into the Camelot Room and threatens to everyone, especially when he does it to make your female counterpart marry her -Gudao

1b. Apparently PTSD is not a viable excuse to punch someone when you see him harassing someone. Noted.

2. Just because I am a King, does not mean I can give people nicknames. Makes me wonder how Gareth felt about being called Best Boy by Merlin.

3. Eating contests are apparently not allowed, seems food shortages are common with my counterparts.

4. As it turns out, screaming "To Valhalla" is not the best idea when you step onto Iskandar's Chariot. Especially so when you are right in front of the enemy.

5. Frankenstein is not a doll, do not dress her up. No Arthur, not even if she tilts her head and makes cute growls -Gudao 5a. Okay! Only if its a sundress! -Gudao

6. Getting together four of my other counterparts and forming the Saber Rangers is not allowed, especially if we have Excalizords. Seems the other servants aren't fond of needlessly big robots that take too long to combine.

7. Motorbikes are not to be used at any point or time in Chaldea, no, not even when Iskandar decides to hold the "Chaldea Grand Prix" -Da Vinci

7a. THE SAME GOES FOR OTHER VEHICLES YOU MONGRELS, UNLIKE YOU FUCKS, SOME OF US NEED BEAUTY SLEEP AT 3 AM! -Gilgamesh

8. Just because I can use a sword, doesn't mean I am allowed to attack my Cu Chulainn with it. I swear, he walked into it.

9. Apparently I am not allowed to compliment people? Turns out after I left the beach where I hung out with a sweetie named Kiyohime, along with master, Kiyohime attempted to burn someone alive because I said that master looked like a dashing man. I highly doubt she did.

9a. The smell is still stuck to my trunks Arthur -Gudao

10. My liege... My OTHER liege, please don't ever get Red Saber to sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" again when I am about to utilize Galatine -Gawain

11. We know you are fascinated in other cultures, but please. Stop talking to the Servants of France about Sasaki Kojirou, we don't know if you made up his nickname, but he is not the "Savior of France" - Jeanne D'Arc

12. I would suggest that you stop entering the Camelot Room by screaming "Where is my love! Guinevere!", while it as funny once or twice, I can't stand to see either Lancelots' become depressed anymore -Arturia Altria

13. No offense... But please stop patting my head so much, I know you are basically my Uncle, but people are getting the wrong idea -Mashu

14. While Proto League is an acceptable nickname for the servants of your war, please don't ever enter a fight and scream it out again. We know you enjoy it, but it can get obnoxious after a while - Random Mob 1

15. Proving that I am male by either fighting or pantsing myself is no longer allowed after Heracles decided to do the same thing when a recently summoned Shakespeare made him question his own gender -Da Vinci

15a. Having the entire male team to pants themselves in front of the enemy is not a viable tactic against Archers, no matter what you watched beforehand and despite how fun it is -Robinhood

16. Just because Merlin suggested it, I shouldn't instantly do it. Its odd, almost like no one trusts Merlin, he seems just like my one.

17. "I saw a pest" is not a viable reason to drop a Corrupted Grail into the Babylon Room, we understand your dislike towards the King of Heroes, but Ishtar and Ereshkigal were caught up in the rage.

17a. "I was bored" is not a viable excuse to kiss a female servant while under the effects of Merlin's illusionary spell, Gudao has yet to leave his... specially enduced Coma.

17b. "I saw this scene-" is not a viable reason to go to a prior singularity and ask Muramasa to create a specific weapon, it is time wasting, no matter how strong the weapon is.

18. Suggesting to Rayshift to the point before someone dies is not a good idea, no matter how much fun it is for you to watch the "Crazy Murder Loli" die.

18a. Getting Fou'd is not a good reason to Rayshift back to your fight against Beast VI just so you can "Finish the Fucker Off".

19. Using a voice manipulator made by Merlin is not a good way to get people to be afraid when you shout a noble phantasm.

19a. Shouting "Stella" is not allowed, Arash prematurely shot off his Noble Phantasm while training and now we have to resummon him.

20. Just because we have a Simulation Room, does not mean I can alter the device to allow me to see someone from the past.

20a. We know you miss her, we do too. If you want to speak, you can come talk to us -Proto League

21. Trying to host an "Engry MIYA" talk between Nameless and Alter is not a good idea, just... Don't.

22. While having a Picnic is fun, please don't host them in the middle of a fight.

23. Just because a rabbit killed Gawain in a movie, does not mean you can threaten to cook Fou alive.

24. We know you love kids but come on, you can't just take Nursery Rhyme and Jack out to "Play Fetch" with the Dragons in France every after-noon.

25. Blaming someone that isn't even a servant isn't a viable way to shift blame.

26. I've been banned from the Kitchen, apparently forcing my way in and cooking the meals before Nameless is not a good idea. He looked ready to cry.

26a. Turns out mentioning the fact that Muramasa was far more willing to let me into his kitchen when I visited him was not a good idea. I don't think Nameless likes me much.

26b. "Just because I have the alcohol" is not a good excuse to get a few of the servants including Mashu drunk at dinner.

27. Just because you technically existed before Back to the Future 1 and 2, does not mean you can threaten to sue the creator, even if you can go back in time freely.

28. NO, NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, NOT EVEN IF KIYOHIME ASKS NICELY, WE SHALL NEVER REPEAT THE EVENTS OF YESTERDAY AGAIN.

29. "Look what I found" is a sentence that I am never allowed to speak when I am holding something bigger than my head or smaller than my hands.

30. Turns out that breaking my own arm is not the best way to get Nightingale to calm down. Never thought Merlin would be wrong.

31. "Sure you can touch my Excalibur" is not the best way to differentiate between Arturia's Excalibur and my own when someone asks to hold it.

31a. "But mine is bigger" is not a good response when Arturia talks about how easy her seals are to remove from her Noble Phantasm, nor is it alright to use when talking about when how she made Mordred.

32. Stealing Gilgamesh's potion of youth and putting it in the Soup that EVERYONE ended up eating is the easiest way to have myself barred from missions for a week.

33. Just because people are afraid of it, doesn't mean you should hug it. Not even if Merlin says to.

34. Just because someone stole your food, does not mean you should "Call in a favor" and have Elizabeth sing until someone gives up who stole it

34a. Update: The above applies to Nero as well.

35. Just because I have an innate fear of the Lancer version of my female counterpart, does not mean I can steal her horse and run away because of that fear.

36. Making King Hassan say "Omae wa mou shindeiru" is not allowed, especially if you reply with "I'm already dead" just to mess with him.

37. You are fond of Mordred, we understand. But please stop teasing her. Calling her cute will be her death - KotR

38. We understand that being locked in a single room with Nobunaga can be hard, but saying it was like prison is not fair.

38a. Quoting an abridged anime is not allowed, especially if it has "Sluts" and "Prison" in the same sentence, we still don't know where you got that swim team outfit.

38b. Making a mini Excalibur and saying "Blade of Promised Prison Riots! SHANKCALIBUR" is not allowed at all, Edmond almost had a heart attack.

38c. It is noted that the Arthur and Nobunaga were almost forced to kiss, but utilizing time manipulation to see Romani's death and threaten him with "Spoilers" is not allowed.

39. Just because Merlin asked, does not mean you should dress up as a "Cutesy Idol" and perform a song with a voice changer on in front of a camera for his "Magi*Mari" stream, Romani has yet to heal from that wound.

40. Looking Mordred in the eye and saying "Mordred, I am your father" is not allowed, especially when you have her surrounded by all the versions of her "Father", even the ones that just look like "Him".

41. "I solomly swear I am up to no good" is not what you say while standing behind the Director in the Lost Room, she died once already, we don't need her worrying about what you will do.

41a. "Remember that time you became a Loli" is not to be said around Olga Marie after what happened after she was... Killed.

42. Quoting Kamina from Gurren Lagann is banned, especially after everyone believed you were actually erased from the throne. Only to find you a month later taking off an invisibilty cloak and sneaking into the mens bathrooms to shave.

43. Anime is fun to watch, but please. Stop trying to explain why a certain character would be within the Throne of Heroes.

43a. Stop. Asking. When. I. Will. Summon. ISSEI HYOUDOU! -Gudao

43b. BOOSTED GEAR SCALE MAIL! -Arthur

43c. BOOSTO? -Siegfried

44. Valentines is a wonderful thing, we get it. But making everyone in Chaldea chocolate by going around and hunting in various areas is not needed, we have too much already.

45. Stop Rickrolling, that was so early 2000s, get with the golden times old man -Kintoki

45a. EX-

46. Commenting on the impractical armors of the female knights that walk around is not needed, we have gotten complaints about how they feel harassed -Staff Member

46a. I just wanted to help out... -Arthur

47. I am not to sing anything ever again, the reason isn't because I am bad, no. Everyone agrees I am quite good. But its the genre I sing coupled with my Charisma rank. Seems love songs should not be sung. How sad.

48. Just because I have cat ears, does not mean you should give me Catnip - Atalanta

48a. The same was repeated for Alter.

48b. Along with Tamamo Berserker.

49. "Merlin told me to do it" is no longer an excuse that is accepted, even if he did make you do it.

50. LITERALLY ALL THE THINGS ON THIS LIST ARE BECAUSE OF MERLIN, STOP LISTENING TO HIM.

51. I'm only responsible for a quarter of these, stop blaming me for your troubles, Normies -Merlin

Kiyohime asks Arthur what to do to catch Gudao's attention. Arthur tells her to turn into his most cherished person. She turns into Gudako and tries to force Gudao into sex.

[officialwagnerrant]

A few thoughts on the Met’s father’s day opera

Note: In this rant I’ll only be talking about Wagner’s ten most famous operas, the ones in the repertoire of the Bayreuth Festival. This is because while I run a Wagner-Blog, I don’t know enough about his early works to even try to analyse them.

A few days ago, the Metropolitan Opera launched the schedule for their father’s day week, also known as Verdi Week II, as five of the seven streamed operas are works by Verdi: Simon Boccanegra, La Traviata, Don Carlos, Rigoletto, and Luisa Miller. They also show Mozart’s Idomeneo and one work by Richard Wagner: Die Walküre from Der Ring des Nibelungen. I took this as a chance to write a rant about father figures in Wagner operas.

I do not consider Wotan a particularly good father. We know he has at least eleven children. Nine Valkyries and the twins, Siegmund und Sieglinde. Only one of his children got something even close to fatherly love, his favourite daughter Brünnhilde. While I suppose the other Valkyries are at least cared for and even see their father from time to time, they aren’t really loved. They do a job for Wotan and the other god’s and that’s it. The Wälsungen on the other hand aren’t even cared for. Their mother was killed, Sieglinde abducted, and their isn’t any evidence for Wotan even trying to find her. Instead, he later abandoned his son as well. Of course, he later finds Sieglinde and leaves Nothung for the man strong enough to pull it out of the tree - definitely planning this man to be Siegmund, but then again he lets his wife persuade him to get Siegmund killed. Here we go back to Brünnhilde, the only loved child. The one who tries to rescue Siegmund against her father’s will. And we learn that Wotan’s love is not unconditional. When Brünnhilde doesn’t obey Wotan, she is left on a rock and forced to marry the first man to wake her. Luckily Wotan’s love is still strong enough to still protect her from having to marry anyone. One has to be a hero to reach her. It’s not Wotan’s fault this hero ends up to be Siegfried. However, the love for one child does not outweigh the neglect of the other ten.

After deciding Wotan isn’t the kind of father to honor on father’s day I thought about what other fathers exist in Wagner’s work and if another opera might have been the better choice for the met. I figured, that while there isn’t a perfect father, there are better ones. And those don’t even need to be biological fathers.

Not all of Wagner’s operas feature a father at all. There’s Parsifal, who’s father is long dead before the opera even begins, as well as Tristan’s father. Isolde’s father is only mentioned once and never appears on stage. Their absence does not mean they didn’t have an impact on their children. Isolde’s father being alive also raises the question wether he really should have let Tristan take her. Maybe he thought her strong and protected, maybe he thought he was doing her a favour. I won’t judge the absent fathers any further, we don’t know them.

The exception is Elsa’s father from Lohengrin. When this man died, he let Telramund care for his children and promised him his daughter’s hand. He promised his underaged daughter to the man trusted with her upbringing. He allowed him to groom her. I don’t think there’s any need for me to explain why this is bad. I won’t go on further on why Telramund isn’t a goof father figure either, if you’re reading this you know the plot of Lohengrin well enough. Lohengrin’s father, Parzival, is alive. One could argue that he’s partly responsible for Lohengrin not knowing how to treat a woman without scaring and gaslighting her.

Now lets get to the living father figures. First up is Daland from Der Fliegende Holländer. One might say he only wants his daughter to be financially safe, however the fact that he allowes a man he met the same day to marry his daughter because he has money, without asking her and with no regard to her already existing engagement to Erik, shows two thing: Firstly, maybe it’s more about making himself rich than making Senta rich, secondly, while he might care for Senta he doesn’t see her as a human with her own agency. Of course, Senta wanted to be with the Holländer, but if Daland hadn’t boasted about her, while insisting to take in the Holländer, she might still be alive.

The next opera is Tannhäuser. It doesn’t feature a biological father, Elisabeth’s uncle, the Landgraf von Thüringen, is the father figure in this opera. He is the first one to actually do a decent job. Elisabeth can choose the partner she wants, Tannhäuser is welcomed back in the Wartburg-Circle, the Landgraf is ready to give his daughter away. Until Tannhäuser reveals he’s been with Venus. Of course, it’s not good that Tannhäuser wouldn’t have been given a second chance without Elisabeth, but it can be excused: Landgraf Hermann simply wants to protect Elisabeth. Eventually he agrees on letting Tannhäuser go with the pilgrims. He’s doing his best to keep his niece happy, but also safe.

We skip Lohengrin and Tristan and go straight to Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg. Eva’s father is Veit Pogner. Opposite to Daland his daughter isn’t supposed to marry anyone for money, Eva’s suitors have to prove themselves worthy, so they can have her hand and Pogner’s money. As Elisabeth, Eva has somewhat free choice. She can say no, she doesn’t have to marry Beckmesser, should he be the only competitor, but she cannot say yes to just anyone. Ein Meistersinger muss er sein - she’s only allowed to marry Walther von Stolzing after Sachs helped him to win the title of a Meistersinger. Sachs could be argued a second father figure in Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg. He seems to have been a major caretaker for Eva. Just as Pogner, he lets her say no, he lets her make her own decisions. He even goes out of his way to help her say yes to Walther.  What makes me immediately question his father qualities is the fact that while he restrains from marrying Eva himself, he did consider it, which places him in a corner near Telramund. Pogner, and Sachs, still are the most decent fathers in all of Wagner’s operas.

That I can say before even writing about the last, often forgotten father. Hagen’s father Alberich. He has contact with his son, which already is a lot, but Hagen is a mere tool for him. I doubt he would have shared the riches and power with Hagen, if he’d won the treasure again. This immediately disqualifies Götterdämmerung as a father’s day opera.

While Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg and even Tannhäuser feature the better fathers, I am not surprised that Die Walküre got picked for father’s day. By showing Hamlet and Elektra for mother’s day the met has  already proven that they don’t intend to show and honor good parents on their respective day. They can keep showing bad parents, of course, but they need to be prepared for a lot of laughs.

- dichterfuerstin

[ultimaa]

OFFSIDE

Two shot

PART I

Summary: "You’re young, attractive and rich, but Martinique stands between you and the love of your life. Damn, I'm happy I'm not you."

Eren had two sacred rules during his holidays: no football, no social media and no England. These purposes involved moving a thousand kilometers from his apartment in Liverpool to enjoy a peaceful summer in his native Shigansina, a small town in southern Germany where everyone knew each other. There he was simply Dr. Grisha's boy. "Really? Come on, man, go to French Polynesia or Dubai," his partner Connie Springer said. "Shigan-what? Okay, don't mind me. I’m sure parties are great in your town..." Honestly, Eren spent his days off sleeping and playing video games. Sometimes he jogged — after all, he earned his salary thanks to his body — and drunk HB beer, but what he liked most was the feeling of making up for lost time. He loved football and played in one of the best clubs in the world, history would seat him at the same table as Ian Rush, Michael Owen or Steven Gerrard. He loved Anfield, but he was too young when he said goodbye to the field of earth soccer and was taken to Melwood, where his parents visited him once a month. At the age of twenty-six, with a brilliant career, Eren Jaeger returned to Germany like an elephant going to die in a cave, with his family, and then repeated the cycle of nostalgia. However, that year would be different.

The Jaeger couple celebrated their 25th anniversary and they organized a small party with relatives and close friends. Only Eren Kruger, best man, who was in a submarine five thousand meters deep, was absent. As for the others, they all attended: Zeke and Pieck, who had come from Berlin, Aunt Faye, Keith Shadis (Eren’s Godfather), Tom Xaver (Zeke’s Godfather), Hannes, Armin and his grandfather, Kuchel Ackerman (bridesmaid), Kenny Ackerman (usher) and Levi Ackerman. Grisha did not like parties, but Carla settled the discussion with a resounding statement: "Silver anniversary aren’t celebrated every day, darling."

While Hannes, old Arlet, Pieck and Kuchel made a beef stew and the couple danced to the sound of Wiener Blut in the sitting room, Eren opened a bottle of beer and toasted with Armin and Zeke.

"You’re the only one, brother," Zeke pointed out. "You’ll retire bachelor. With ten Golden Balls, but a bachelor."

"The golden bachelor," Eren corrected. "Hey, Armin, you're single too."

"Annie and I are taking some time." His best friend shrugged.

Zeke laughed. He was a cardiologist. "I understand the heart much better than you... in all aspects," he used to say. And it was probably true: he was married to Pieck and the ring did not bother him yet.

"Really? She has been in Australia for two months. Do you know how long Australians last in bed, huh? About seventeen minutes, behind only the Americans, the Canadians and the English. As for the Germans, only eight percent have participated in a trio. If I were you, I'd start to worry."

"Did you just tell me I'm a bad lover?"

"No. Statistics, Armin. Information."

"This dude is like that." Eren took a sip. "He throw the stone and hides the hand."

"I have no interest in offending the virility of the Germans. I'm German, in case you haven't noticed. Siegfried is my grandfather and every Friday I go drinking with Wagner, but not all women know how to appreciate the Central European charm. Also, Melbourne is one of the best cities to live."

"Annie is in Sydney."

"See? That's precisely the problem." Zeke finished his beer and put a hand on Arlet's shoulder. "You know exactly where she is, but does she remember you? When a woman puts fifteen thousand kilometers between her and her partner, she only has one goal: to forget. And while she builds her new beginning, you water her plants."

"I still wonder how you seduced Pieck," Eren said. "Did you take her to dinner with Kaiser Wilhelm and Angela Merkel?"

"Actually, she won me. Well, I fell into the trap. I thought I could escape later. I was wrong and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I ain’t immune to women either."

Zeke showed a wide smile. He was blond and had a magnificent bearing. When the waltz was over, he congratulated Grisha and gave him a beer. Then he hugged Carla and cleared his voice. They all looked at him.

"This woman you see here is suicidal: marrying a Jaeger is dangerous, but marrying a divorced Jaeger with a child is deadly. The first time I saw her I was seven years old and I thought: Will she be like Miss Rottenmeier? No, thanks to God. I had always been Ezekiel, but she started calling me Zeke and that's how my friends, my coworkers and my wife call me. In a way, he baptized me. She ain’t my father's wife or my stepmother. Sorry, Eren; Being an only child is wonderful, but she’s also my mother and I would like us to toast her, the woman who brought us together here today. Cheers! Who’s in charge of the music? Auntie, put Spring’s Voices on. Eren and I are gonna dance."

"Wonderful idea." Armin laughed. "Football? As Martha Graham said, dance is the hidden language of the soul."

"You bastards." Eren took his brother's hand.

"Don't step on my shoes."

Among the music and the wild laughter of Kenny and Hannes, Eren did not realize what was about to happen. No clairvoyant would have guessed it. He looked sideways and saw her appear: black hair, aviator sunglasses, and a cigarette between her lips. White rolled-up shirt, capri pants and strappy sandals. He lost concentration and Zeke roared with laughter. He knew, of course. The last time he saw her was on the eve of her trip to Martinique, where she had spent the past year. The waltz ended and they both bowed. Eren did not want to raise the head. Why had no one warned him?

"Levi told me she came back last night," Zeke whispered.

Eren did not even hear the applause. He quickly returned to Armin, who was chatting with Keith Shadis, a retired military man, about the Ardennes Counteroffensive and the Nuremberg Trials. "I am almost sure," said his friend, a historian, "that Franz von Papen died in '69."

"Mikasa is here," Eren hissed.

"I know," he nodded, "and I'm gonna greet her, she's my lifelong friend and I'm glad to see her. You should do the same. Don't think about what happened."

"Did you know? Armin!"

His friend approached her. Great. Eren slipped out into the garden with a couple of beer cans and sat down on a wooden bench. Pretend you don't care, he thought. It belongs to the past, that's it! Fuck! You have to call it by its name: pain. Before she left, they drank like a fish and ended up going to bed. That was last summer. They had not spoken about it since then. He could already hear wise and eminent Zeke Jaeger’s voice: "So you haven’t had a girlfriend since Christ was crucified, but you shag with your best friend. Da ya need to talk, Eren?" Shit! Maybe he needed to tell someone how much her decision to go to Martinique hurt when he declared her love. She had a degree in Arts, so she was offered to do a study about Paul Gauguin, who spent a time on the island. So Zeke would say: "The Caribbean? I'm sorry, brother, I'm so sorry. You and Armin can cry together."

Eren was in love with her. It is one of those truths that one understands with a broken heart. And this led him to reject the insinuations of several, too many women in recent months. There were rumors that he was gay.

"Look who's here: Reds’ Hunter," Mikasa greeted him. "Can I sit?"

"You can do whatever you want." Eren was not angry, but a little drunk. He scratched his right arm; Delacroix's Liberty was tattooed from shoulder to elbow; Lower down, on the forearm, Goya’s Colossus collapses the Berlin Wall. On the inside of the doll, an M. Again, he could hear his brother's voice calling him an idiot.

Mikasa sat next to him. Her skin was not as pale as before: Caribbean tan. The serious mouth was the same and the gray eyes had not changed. She had a fine scar on her right cheek.

"Congratulations on winning the Premier."

"Yeah, well, first in Liverpool's history." Eren groaned. "How did it go with Gauguin?"

"Excellently. Van Gogh said that Gauguin didn’t paint with the brush, but with the phallus. However, mayby he didn’t die of syphilis..."

"Are you kidding me? Do you congratulate me on the championship and talk about Gauguin's cock?" He let out a sardonic laugh. "If that's all you have to tell me after all this time..."

"This is neither the time nor the place".

"I don’t care. We fucked, Mikasa."

"I know. I was there."

"Really? Because sometimes I think about it and it seems a mirage. You've been avoiging the matter a whole year, a fucking year. You show up at my parents' party like nothing's wrong and talking about fucking Gauguin." Eren paused. "Annie is in Australia. Do you know how long Australians last in bed? Seventeen minutes. How long do Martinicans last?"

"I know what you're implying," Mikasa said seriously, "and you're wrong, Eren. You’re very wrong. Do you think I would be able to do that after sleeping with you?"

Carla Jaeger interrupted them; the meal was ready. They were not hungry, but an inexplicable feeling oppressed them: Eren's blood boiled; Mikasa's was frozen.

"When you want us to talk as adults, let me know," she said.

Adults! Eren said nothing. He sat between Zeke and Armin, who gave him a questioning look. Eren sighed and started eating. He remained oblivious to all the conversations, sharing looks with Mikasa, sitting next to her uncle Kenny. One year had passed and perhaps he was angry, but he winked al her. She smiled and caught the kiss Eren discreetly sent her, and showed her thumb.

"Okay," Zeke said, after wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Have I ever told you about friendship between men and women? No, because it’s impossible. Were you and Annie ever friends, Armin?"

"Huh… Yeah?"

"No. You wanted to have sex, but you didn't tell her."

"I know you know," Eren whispered.

"I’ve known for a long time. In fact, I knew it before you did, bro. You were like Heidi and Peter, and now, if you were alone, this would become ​Nine and a half Weeks.

For Zeke it was too obvious, but what about the others? Eren looked at them closely. They talked about politics, football, past... Levi was the only one who remained silent. He was not a very talkative man, unlike his mother and uncle. Kuchel and Kenny talked and laughed like no one else. As for Mikasa, whose premature orphanhood led her to grow up with them, her character was soft; silent, good listener and without his cousin’s curtness. Did she tell someone what happened? Maybe Sasha Braus? After the meal, Eren felt adult enough.

The whole evening passed pleasant between anecdotes and skat hands. Keith Shadis left around six in the afternoon; He had to return to Munich for work. As for the others, Carla insisted that they stay for dinner. While Grisha and Zeke had a scholarly conversation about the latest advances in medicine, Kenny was laughing loudly with Mikasa by his side.

"I never imagined that we would have an artist in the family."

"I'm an art historian," Mikasa pointed out.

"If God doesn’t give you children, Devil gives you nephews." Kenny lit a cigarette. "Ackermans have always been country people. Levi was the first to go to university; He was already a whiz since childhood. Fortunately, Mikasa followed suit.

"What is Martinique like?" Carla asked.

"Quiet. When it rains, goodbye internet and light, and of course I have to mention mosquitoes, humidity, heat and earthquakes," she paused, "but people are lovely and the landscapes are spectacular. They are exactly like on postcards. Oh, and the accra is very good."

"We could go on vacation, honey." Zeke looked at Pieck. "I'm tired of Sardinia."

"But you have to be careful with snakes," Mikasa continued, smiling. "I was bitten by a eyelash viper. Nothing serious, but I wouldn’t repeat the experience."

"One year has been enough, hasn't it?" Eren, who was playing cards with Armin, had his ears set on the conversation.

"Yes. For now I will stay here I’ll go to Munich in September to work at the Alte Pinakothek."

"It's fantastic," said Armin.

"And you’ll be close," added Kuchel.

So Munich. However, Mikasa commented on the possibility of another trip. She specialized in Impressionism and did not rule out settling in France. After dinner, when it was time to say goodbye, Eren pulled out his cell phone and wrote her a message: "Do you wanna talk?" She looked sidelong at him and replied, "Come home tomorrow. We will be alone." Jaeger thought about that last one; He smiled, pleased, and quickly typed, "Good."

They all left except for Zeke and Pieck, who would spend a few days in the village before returning to Berlin. It was like going back fifteen years ago, when they still crowd around under one ceiling. Carla loved having them all there. Her good character led her to have an excellent relationship with her daughter-in-law. Grisha was pleased with the situation; He played chess with Zeke for hours, in total silence. Eren used to watch them, attentive to the gestures, wondering how they could drag on a duel that long. And it all ended with one word: "Checkmate."

Zeke followed him into the garden with a cigarette on the lips. He had tried to stop smoking, but there are things a man can never give up, like mentholated Camel.

"You don't smoke, do you? What a pity. One or two cigarettes once in a while doesn't hurt anyone, Mr. Perfect Abs." Zeke blew out the smoke. "Munich. A wonderful city, especially in October."

"We’re gonna talk tomorrow."

"One day I take a look at the yellow press and I see you with Historia Reiss, and I think you're a lucky bastard. You’re young, attractive and rich, but Martinique stands between you and the love of your life. Damn, I’m happy I’m not you."

"I love you too." Eren frowned.

"I’m trying to help you. Don't screw it up, okay? A bad step now and you will regret it all your life." His brother clapped him on the back. "Now If you can excuse me, I'm going to make love to my wife in my fifteen-year-old room."

"I didn't need to know that."

…

Having the house to herself, Mikasa went down to have black tea. Frugal breakfast, as always. She felt like an intruder in her own town and jet lag was not benevolent. She wanted to stay in bed, she’s just got ants in her pants. She did push-ups and thought about the last exhausting year. Operation Gauguin, as she called it, had been a true odyssey. Fuck the Caribbean. She had missed Europe, her family and friends, but duty is duty. As for Eren, she could not reproach him for anything. He was angry. She should not have slept with him before she left; Mikasa kept thinking about it for a moment. Secrets and sex are a bad combination for consciousness. Besides, she left without saying goodbye. She behaved like a real motherfucker and would do it again: sentimentality is not advisable before a possible trip with no return. No, she couldn't listen to Eren's feelings before getting on the plane. Deep down, she suffered from the greatest weakness: love.

She lay down on the floor and closed his eyes. God, the cold slabs were nicer than any bed in the Caribbean. The woman forgot the physical and mental exhaustion when Eren touched the knocker. She took a breath and decided to improvise. The first thing Mikasa noticed was Dior's perfume. He was wearing an unbuttoned black polo shirt, gray jeans, and deck shoes. The three-day beard and dapper cut fit him very well. Those tropical eyes ... Shit!

Silence. Glances. It was inevitable. Eren closed the door behind him and received her kiss in a frenzy. Mikasa bit his lips, tugged at his hair. The man held her prisoner in his arms, sliding his hands down her back, her hips and her neck, anxious and needy. Their mouths were lost in each other's. Eren threw his head back and went deeper, searching for lost time. He licked her lips from corner to corner. The touch of tongues was deadly like a sword dance. They parted, face to face, panting, obscene. Mikasa wanted to make love to him in the middle of the hall and tell him how much she had missed him.

"Did you want to talk?" Eren planted another kiss.

"Yes," Mikasa replied. "I’m so sorry. I fucked up. I have a very interesting story to tell you, but I don't know if it will be more exciting than winning the English league."

"Ok, you know I prefer Monet, but..."

"It has nothing to do with Gauguin." Mikasa took his hand and led him into the living room. If she thought about it, it was a concise thing, but difficult to assimilate. Eren sat down on the sofa. She made him coffee and moved to his side, maturing the words in her head. "It's complicated. If you don't believe it, I get it. I’ve spent more time in Cuba than in Martinique. I haven’t done any study about Gauguin."

"What?" Eren looked at her seriously. "What's going on, Mikasa?"

"I've been working for Interpol for a couple of years. No one knows, only you. Crimes against cultural heritage."

"I don’t get it. What does that have to do with Martinique and Cuba?"

"During Nazism many degenerate works were plundered. Gauguin, Chagall, Klee... Some works were located last year. There was a certain black market for art among many American magnates. That is why I went to Cuba together with a team, to find out the whereabouts of some Gauguin works lost since 38."

"It’s definitely more interesting than winning the Premier." Eren drank from his mug thoughtfully, still amazed. "Was it dangerous?"

"Not much. At least not for me. My job is to see, evaluate and give a verdict, not shooting. Do you think I'm out there drinking Martini and driving an Aston Martin?"

"The idea excites me." The man touched the scar on her face. "And this? I don't remember it. It’s not on the maps that I have of your whole body."

"Then you will have to add it." Mikasa took the cup from him, put it on the table and leaned against him, kissing him calmly and sweetly. For a moment she thought she would never see him again, or maybe he would see her repatriated corpse with a bullet in the head. God! She hugged him and rested her head on his heart. Eren stroked her hair and she trembled at the memory. "It was a shot. I don't know how I'm still alive. I was so lucky..."

"My God," Eren whispered. "Why did you not tell me? Don’t trust me?"

"I know you. Worry wouldn't let you focus."

"Of course not. And now that I know why you left, it will take me a few weeks to recover from my fright. Damn, it hurt so much when you answered my messages as if nothing... I wanted to tell you about my feelings, but you always talked about trivial issues and I thought you didn't care what happened between us. Why?"

"I was scared. I didn't want to think about you or our plans. What would have happened to all those words if I had died? Look at this scar. It’s a miracle I’m still alive. It happened a few days after arriving. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. A rich man held a clandestine exhibition, I infiltrated and they discovered me. I didn't want to tell you that I love you and then die. I don't do things that way."

"And how do you do it?"

"Like this." Mikasa kissed him again.

[mortuarybees]

this is a self indulgent idea but hear me out: eventually aziraphale's bookshop gets a reputation of "listen. if u dont buy anything, just come in read and leave the books u'll be fine. u can hangout" so lots of teens start hitting up the bookstore to hangout and read. then it gets another reputation of having alot of lgbt books. so now lgbt teens of london are frequently hitting up aziraphale's bookshop. this is how crowley and aziraphale get involved in gaurding the gay youth of london.

anon….your mind

aziraphale finds that he rather likes having people in his shop, as long as they’re not trying to buy things and they’re respectful of his books (and reasonably quiet); and more, aziraphale has always been connected to the gay community in the same way you end up with a friend group of gay friends before you even know you’re gay (and then, of course, at some point, he realizes)

he makes them tea and fusses over them and he’s always got crowley’s ear because aziraphale doesnt know what twitter is his ear to the ground for new publications with lgbt main characters to recommend, but more than that, he’s got history for them. he has letters and art he was entrusted with by friends that haven’t ever even been published, he has stories, books older even than the bookshop itself, things that tell them without a doubt, you are not and have never been alone. when they’re upset, he performs minor miracles to sooth them, and when tragedy comes–unaccepting families, losses of scholarships, expulsion from religious schools, and worse–he lets them stay in the flat above the shop if they need to, and performs some less than minor miracles to right things when he can. they all know that no matter what happens, they’ll always have their good uncle zira to fall back on.

crowley has, of course, noticed the young people reading in aziraphale’s shop, but hasn’t thought much of it, and he finds out when aziraphale calls him to say he’s hosting a christmas dinner because a few of his kids mentioned not having anywhere to go for the holidays, and of course that just won’t do, and would crowley like to come? and he’s completely baffled, but agrees, and aziraphale asks him to bring food of some kind, and then it escalates into crowley showing up at midnight the night before to help aziraphale cook a veritable feast. he’s not sure how. he agreed to a side dish. and then he meets the kids and it’s just like….oh, okay. these are his kids now too (”kids” being relative; they range from actual kids to people in their 30s or 40s, but everyone is a kid to Crowley and Aziraphale) and he looks out for them. if they mention they’re getting bullied, he’ll pick them up from school looking as menacing as possible and maybe do a little sirius black with the dursley’s/alec hardy with those fuckboys tell them in no uncertain terms that if they fuck with his godkid, there will be hell to pay. literally. and he’ll certainly do the same with the kids’ guardians.

also anon may i recommend some amazing fics on basically this exact subject for you because they’re three of my favorite fics in the world and this is maybe my favorite good omens trope/subject/whatever (if any of you guys know of other fics along these lines pls hmu with links):

such surpassing brightness by handful_of_silence

there are. no words for this for thousands of years aziraphale has been a guardian of lgbt people and his love for crowley is the subject of books and films and he’s an icon it’s just. it’s very good it’s beautiful

The revelation that Aziraphale might have been in love with him for thousands of years is surprising. The fact that literal books have been written on the subject comes as even more of a shock.

it’s the light (it’s the obstacle that casts it) by handful_of_silence

Okay genuinely aziraphale and crowley speaking polari made me. emotional on a million levels

It’s like having a curtain pulled back on something he wasn’t expecting to see. A surprise punch-and-judy at an up-scale restaurant, a lobster thermidor when he’s ordered an ale.

Crowley’s gleefully trying to wrap his head around the fact that Aziraphale is speaking Polari. Because of course he is.

Or: The Patron Saint of London’s LGBT Community is real, and he lives in Soho.

men have gone to heaven for smaller things than that by mercuryhatter

““They all tried so hard, and the ones that are left are still trying, and none of it is going to matter in the end. They are all going to die before their time, or they’re going to be separated or left alone or driven away, and there’s very little I can do about any of that. But they are mine, do you understand me? I know you were involved in this stupid, petty matter with Billing, and I am telling you that you will not go near anyone else. Wilfred, Siegfried, Margot, Vita, Olive– and I’ll thank you to stop putting ideas in Lord Douglas’s head as well, he has quite enough bad ones on his own.””

“While resting before dinner, [Robbie] died of heart failure. It seems reasonable to claim that this was the only occasion on which his heart failed him.” -Siegfried Sassoon, in Siegfried’s Journey

Aziraphale finds an age slipping away from him.

[an-aura-about-you]

Fic Titles Meme

Tagged by @seasaltmemories, I’ve been asked to talk about my 20 most recent fic titles. Technically, the request is for my 20 most recent fics, but the thing is I don’t title everything. Since the meme is specifically about titles, I’ll have to find the 20 most recent ones that HAVE titles. (This is teaching me I should title ALL of my fanfiction.) Also, if something’s a multipart or has a universe title for an AU beyond a vague description of what the AU is, I’ll include that because why not?

Okay, so I’m actually SO bad at naming fanfiction that this task took me all the way back to 2015 for my 20 most recently named fanfics. And even then, I’m kind of cheating because one of my AUs happens to have a lot of named parts. But they are episodes, so they will be treated as such. My 20 most recently named fics are:

1. Sealed With A Kiss - Princess Tutu - In a desperate attempt to ward off unwanted real person shipping with Fakir, (Anteat)Erina asks Autor to pretend to be her boyfriend.

2. Sins of the Father - Princess Tutu - Erina reads a book while sitting in Autor’s office. Logos sings a lot. A follow-up to Speak of the Devil. (Content warning: This story contains some disturbing events including loss of bodily control, a suicide threat, and a minor being sexually harassed. Reader discretion is advised.)

3. Sweet Dreams - Princess Tutu - Autor accidentally crashes Erina’s slumber party.

4. Yes and No - Princess Tutu - Autor is a pianist working with a rehearsing ballet company who gets shot down by prima donna Rue. Erina stands up for him, but when he goes to thank her they find they don’t share a common language.

5. Take Me To Church - Princess Tutu - In a time of war, Siegfried and Rue examine the complicated nature of love to the point of sin. A Songfic.

6. Ship of Theseus - Princess Tutu - In what she previously considered an impossible turn of events, Rue meets Lohengrin.

7. Bewitching Dream - Princess Tutu - Mytho and Rue are such a sweet couple you’d never guess she was a witch! Or, of all the things Duck expected to find in the bottle that washed up on her deserted island, a genie named Fakir was nowhere on the list! A love letter to those fun supernatural 60s sitcoms.

8. Speak of the Devil - Princess Tutu - Logos finds Autor attempting a storyspinning ritual and recalls the time his uncle attempted his own. (Content warning: This story contains some unsavory elements including loss of bodily control, implied self-harm, and implied vomiting. Reader discretion is advised.)

9. Song of Mirai - Beyond the Boundary - The world has become a terrifying place for Akihito, who finds his only remaining shred of normalcy and sanity in Mirai. A Saya no Uta AU. (Content warning: As this is a Saya no Uta AU, almost all of the same warnings for that work apply to this one including murder, cannibalism, and sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.)

10-20. Beyond Belief’s Boundary - Beyond the Boundary - It’s time to send the little ones off to bed and set your radio’s dial to spooky as we follow the adventures of police detective (and werewolf) Akihito Kanbara and his socialite sweetheart (and vampire) Mirai Kuriyama. A Beyond Belief AU a little to the left with Akihito and Mirai in the roles of Dave and Donna Henderson. The most recent titles for this series are:

The Great Lovecraft Death Booth Lucky Strike The Laboothrinth Don’t Lose Your Head Hot Shot A Holiday Beyond Belief’s Boundary Thanksgiving Snacks Not so Sweet Home The Best Little Coven in New York Sick Day

Whew! Okay, let’s actually get to the questions now.

1. How many are you happy with?

As in super happy with right now? Five of them. Specifically Sins of the Father, Ship of Theseus, The Great Lovecraft, The Laboothrinth, and The Best Little Coven in New York. Which I guess shows you how my tastes run.

2. How many are…not great?

I’m not satisfied with Sweet Dreams or the not-goofy titles in Beyond Belief’s Boundary like Thanksgiving Snacks and A Holiday Beyond Belief’s Boundary.

3. How many did you scramble for at the last minute?

Song of Mirai was SO last minute that I’m pretty sure that series hadn’t been touched for literal years before I put that name to them.

4. How many did you know before you started writing/creating, or near the beginning?

Six of them: Sealed With A Kiss, Sins of the Father, Sweet Dreams, Take Me To Church, Speak of the Devil, and the AU name Beyond Belief’s Boundary itself.

5. How many are quotes from songs or poems?

The only one that’s intentionally from a song is the songfic Take Me To Church. That’s Just How You Name Songfics.

6. How many are other quotes?

Sealed With A Kiss, Sins of the Father, Speak of the Devil, Ship of Theseus and Don’t Lose Your Head are all expressions. A lot of Beyond Belief’s Boundary titles are intentionally making fun of other titles like The Great Lovecraft, Death Booth, The Laboothrinth, Not so Sweet Home, and The Best Little Coven in New York.

7. Which best reflects the plot of the story/content of the fanwork?

The AU titles are going to tell you the most about what’s going on if you’re familiar with the work the AU is based on. Bewitching Dream is a mashup of the two works that inspired the separate stories, Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie. Saya no Uta translates to Song of Saya, hence Song of Mirai. Beyond Belief’s Boundary just wrote itself as an AU title when I realized how well Beyond the Boundary would work in the parameters of Beyond Belief. And a lot of the parody titles of Beyond Belief’s Boundary give you an idea of what to expect. The Great Lovecraft is a loose parody of The Great Gatsby with the fictional HP Lovecraft II in the role of Gatsby. The Laboothrinth is about Akihito and Mirai exploring a diner that has become a labyrinth and finding its Minotaur. Don’t Lose Your Head is about Akihito discovering his neighbor is a penanngalan.

8. Which best reflects the theme of the story?

Sins of the Father, Speak of the Devil, and Ship of Theseus. Though now that I think about it, Sins of the Father might work better under Speak of the Devil’s name. But Speak of the Devil already got that title, and Sins of the Father still definitely works in the sense that Autor is suffering for Drosselmeyer’s sins.

9. Which best reflects the character voice of the story/pov of the fanwork?

Sealed With A Kiss, Speak of the Devil, and Ship of Theseus. The reason why I’m putting Sealed With A Kiss here is because of the nature of the title in relation to the ending, where Autor and Erina make their agreement official with a kiss. Since it’s basically from Autor’s perspective, wanting to do something to make the arrangement official feels right.

10. Which is your favourite title?

Ship of Theseus. It was just one of those moments when I was talking to a friend and got really lucky stumbling upon it.

And I stayed up WAY too late to do this, so just generally tagging whoever wants to do it.

[jeffreystewart]

Norsery Rhymes from A to Z Happy Thorsday - Brunhild

Well here we are another Thor’s Day and another 20 min sketch of a Norse (and Germanic) mythological character, along with a bit of story around them. This week it’s Brunhild (Brynhild, Brunhilde, Brunhildr, Brunhilda). Princess, Queen, Hero, and Valkyrie.

Her name essentially means “War Armor”, from brunia “armor” and hiltia “conflict” in old high German. Which makes sense considering her armor in the Norse and tales are often what is cursed to keep her asleep.

Brunhild’s story changes quite a bit depending on the sources. 

In one she is a Princess, in others she’s the daughter of Wotan and Erda or Bundi, and the adopted Daughter of Hiemi. In some the Sleeping Valkyrie and even Brunhild are separate people entirely.

I’ve tried to separate them a bit by source and story points, but I’m sure I’ve mixed up a few things here and there, given the tales even by source have sub sources that disagree with each other. I guess that’s one reasons why it’s always been such a go to for storytellers to make it all make sense in a single narrative. As they are all taken together, they’re the Rashomon of Norse tales so be kind if I’ve mixed them together too much for your tastes.  I really enjoyed breaking this all down and the drawings that came out of it. I’ll be posting a few more version over the next week.

In the Norse Icelandic tales, the very old Volsungs saga and shorter and newer Prose Edda, Brunhilde is the daughter of Budli, and sister to Atli. She grows up to become a Shield-maiden, a Valkyrie in the castle of King Heimir whos is married to her eldest sister  Bekkhild. 

She is tasked with deciding a fight between two kings. Instead of choosing the one Odin favours Halmgunnar, she sides with the Other Agnar, as she feels this is the more fair outcome. Odin enraged sentences her to live a mortal life alone. Cursed to perpetually sleep in a ring of fire, behind a ring of shields, in castle at the top of the alps on mount Hindarfjall. 

The hero Sigurdr Sigmundson of the Volsung had already slain the dragon Fafnir before hearing of Bruhilde in her prison by Sigurdr’s hawk friend. Surmounting all barriers he awakening her by removing her Valkyries armour and helm, which held the curse. She was essentially imprisoned in the armor and obligation she failed to uphold. At least how Odin likely would have seen it. So Sigurd proposes with his magic ring Andvaranaut that he will return and marry her, and goes out to get her Brother Atli’s blessing. 

Along the way he stops in at a castle in Burgundy. There the Queen Grimhild, a sorcerer and magician, creates a powerful potion for Sigurd to think he is in love with her daughter Gudrun. And then convinces Sigurd to help her son marry the fabled Valkrie Brunhilde. They find Atli, and he gives his blessing. Then return to the mountain. Gunnar tries several times to get past the ring of fire, but he alone or on a horse cannot pass. Sigurd transforms into Gunnar crosses the fire and marries Brunhild. Apparently it being dark when Sigurd woke up the first time and met Sigurdr. Some versions of this says that Sigurdr and Gunnar attack Atli’s castle and he only agrees to let one of them marry her to end the attack on his people. The fires gone upon her marriage, Sigurdr takes the ring from Brunhilds finger and sends Gunnar to her. Then takes the ring to Gudrun. I mean, why waste a perfectly good magical engagement ring. 

So Brunhild and Gunnar, Sigurdr and Gudrun, and Queen Grimhild and King Gjuki are all now one big extended family at the castle. Gudrun, being the jealous type and insecure about her landing Sigurdr the old potion way squabbles with Brunhild and let’s slip that Sigurdr was the one who woke her, wooed her and and rode through the fire. Brunhild as you can image was a little angry. 

She convinces Gunnar that Sigurd had taken marital advantage of her back at the ring of fire and urges Gunnar to kill him. Gunnar afraid to break an oath of brother hood he swore with Sigurd, instead calls on his other siblings, his brothers Gutthorn and Hogni to help him. Hogni was out as he’d also sworn the oath of brotherhood. But Gutthorn was apparently out of town and had made no oath. Gutthorn however was not the killing type and so Hogni and Gunnar got one of their mother potions. They gave it to Gutthorn and it caused him to fill with rage at Sigurdr. Either killing in his sleep at the castle or while out in the forest. Bruhilde then kills Sigurdr and Gudrun’s son and throws herself on Sigurdr’s funeral pyre. In some versions abandoning the daughter she had that was also Sigurdrs child. 

The Volsunga Saga frames the whole story as a tale told to a giant Gygr, in Hel as Brynhildr goes to find Sigurd there after their deaths. In the Norse Icelandic tales like the old Poetic Edda, Brynhildr is a daughter of Budli. In one verse she is distinguished from the sleeping Valkyrie Sigrdrífa / Sigrun, and in others they are one and the same. Wagner and others have interpreted this to be two tales interwoven, or even a direct generational saga because of this. 

As the same person Brynhildr is a Warrior Maiden, and Swan Sister. Valkyrie servant of Odin. Also called Hildr the Helmed. Who lived with her seven sisters all Valkyries. 

She was disobedient with Odin when she took the soul of the old Goth king Hjalmgunnar, instead of taking Agnarr to whom she was forced to side with. Agnarr kidnapped her and her seven sisters when she was twelve by stealing their Swan robes or dress. An item that gave him power over her. Some sources say in marriage, and others just in powers, as he might have worried marriage might negate her station and thus her powers. It can’t hurt to have 7 Valkyries on your side. In other tales she disobeys Odin by not marrying Hjalmgunnar because she had already sworn she would not marry a man with fear.

She was punished by Odin, placed into a preserving unending sleep. Laid under her shield, with a ring wall of shields, and fire. Only the the person who carried Fafnirs gold could pass and wake her. She’s awoken by the hero Sigurd, who crossed the flames with the gold and wakes her by freeing her of her halberd and in some versions with a fairytale kiss. 

We hear this last part in the form of a flashback with flash forwards of sorts, where a detailed prophesy of these events and more is told to Sigurd by his uncle Gripir. Outlining that he will defeat a dragon, learn to speak to birds from it’s blood, carry it’s gold, find love through birdsong, wake a Valkyrie, and find adventure, and eventual peril. With Sigurd asking lots of questions but kind of missing the bad parts. 

 In some interpretations she wakes immediately and leaves with Sigurd, and others she wakes slowly. Sigurd leaving thinking her dead, and having never seen her face under her helm. If taking the sleeping Valkrie as separate from Bryhildr then on her waking she thanks him with the gift of true wisdom, and rune knowledge, and go their separate ways. Sigurd and Brynhildr leave. Finding shelter and a foster father in King Heimi who adopts Brynhildr. They fall in love and become betrothed but unwed to each other. In the other interpretation she just kind of shows up at Heimi’s castle who takes her in as a daughter. I usually picture her waking up alone and wandering down the mountain until she finds kind shelter. 

In both versions Sigurd goes off. Sigurd becomes restless for adventure, or to prove himself, or to secure a title, and continues his travels set to return soon. Why she couldn’t go adventuring with him as she’s no longer tied to her Valkyr duties is left a mystery. One that it has been argued that makes a bit more sense if Brynhildr and the Sleeping Valkyrie are separate people. 

Finding Giuki’s kingdom, the queen Grimhild casts a spell to make him forget Brynhilder so he can marry her daughter Gudrun who has fallen in love with him. In this version Gudrun does not know of the magic being cast on him and when he awakes from the spell bear her no ill will. 

Sigurd assumes Gunnar’s form and woos Brynhildr. Likely starting with telling her of Sigurd’s new love. When they are all together and married the truth is revealed and the spell is broken. Sigurd is horrified by his part in the deception. Bryhildr not knowing of the spell convinces Gunnar that Sigurd took advantage of her in the wooing, and to satisfy the dishonor Giuki’s other sons slay Sigurd.

Bryhildr learning of the spell throws admits to everyone that Sigurd had never taken advantage of her, and her love for him returned throws herself on Sigurd’s funeral pyre to reunite with him in Hel. In some versions she blames her brother for allowing all of this to happen before she kills herself.

In the Germanic tales such as the Nibelungenlied. Brunhild is a Princess or Queen of Iceland or more likely Ironland (Isenland), and is not a Valkyrie, though she does have superhuman strength. She lives in Isenstein (Iron Stone) castle. 

Her kingdom 12 days away from Burgundy and it’s Capital of Worms, where King Gunther has heard tales of her fierceness and beauty and is determined to marry her. Siegfried the Crown Prince the kingdom of Xanten warns Gunther of doing this. He knows of her and thinks this would be a bad idea. Because she’s super strong, a warrior queen, is quite bright, and has a bit of a temper. Gunther though promises Siegfried he can marry his sister Kriemhild if her helps him succeed. Which was the reason Siefried had gone to court in the first place. Kriemhild had never married because of a prophesy that her husband would die a horrible death. The reason Siegfried is so concerned is that Brunhild vows she will not marry any man who cannot best her in feats of strength and battle. 

When they get to Isenstein Brunhild initially thinks it’s Siegfried who’s there to woo her,  but is surprised that it’s Gunther who challenges her. As she was impressed by Siegfried and is surprised this man is only a vassal of Gunther. As the challenges of battle begin, she throws a giants spear, throws a boulder, leaps over that same boulder and fights Gunther. Sigurd devising ways to beat her in the war games and combat uses his cloak Tarnkappe that gives him invisibility, shape changing, and the strength of 12 men. He already had invulnerability everywhere but the back of his neck from bathing in dragons blood. He keeps giving Gunther the advantage. Helping avoid, and in some version throw the spear, avoid the boulder and toss Gunther over it. Then helped defeat her. Ensuring she’s fooled that it was Gunther who did all of these things all along. 

She’s initially a bit suspicious of the whole thing and is hesitant to commit to marriage to Gunther. But he brings his whole army and parks it on her front porch. As an ‘escort’ back to his castle. In some sources Siegfried goes to the trouble to conquer all of Nieelungenland by himself and within a few days, just so he’ll have a nearby army to help Gunther with is ‘marriage escort’. 

So they all get married together. Siegrfried and Kriemhild, and Gunther and Brunhild. Brunhild is upset during the wedding about Kriemhild marrying a vassal instead of a Prince. On the wedding night Gunther appears to have none of the strength he showed in the challenges. So she strings him up hanging from his belt all tied up hands and feet from a cloak hook on the wall. The next day after the servants likely find Gunther and let him down, Gunther goes to Siegfried to get his help again. Siegfried uses his cloak the next night to appear as Gunther and with the strength of 12 men is able to satisfactorily prove he can subdue Brunhild to her expectations. He then goes to hang up his cloak and switches places with the real Gunther who was watching from the wings. Brunhild either through her marital bed time with Gunther, or by Siegfried taking her ring and belt, loses her strength as well. 

As time passes she has a child that they name Siegfried for some reason. We’ll call Him Little Siefried from now on. 

Brunhild never gets over the feeling that original recipe Siegfried doesn’t act or seem like a vassal. So she and Gunther invite Siegfried and Kriemhild to the castle. But things get tense between them when they start arguing about how great their husbands are. Brunhild escalates things a bit too far, and Kriemhild responds that it was Siegfried who took her on maidenhood on her second  marriage night. Showing her the ring and belt as proof. This sends Brunhild to confront Gunther about this. Gunther comes clean, and insists that Siegfried never lay with her. 

She demands Siegfried’s death, and one of Gunthers vassals Hagen (Dazs was apparently unavailable) takes it upon himself and agrees to kill him to end her grief. Hagen makes up an incoming war that Siegfried and Gunther agree to help him with. When Gunther learns of the plot, he does nothing to stop it. Hagen gets Kriemhild to mark on Siegfried where his vulnerable spot it so he can make sure it’s protected she belies. Hagen then says the wars off, let’s go hunting to celebrate! Where he catches Siegfried unawares and hits him with a spear in his weak spot for massive damage. 

Brunhild celebrates, and after Gunther dies Little Siegfried takes the throne. 

In each there’s a tale of tragic love gained and lost, magic used, vows broken, and in some, deaths with the hope of two souls eternally being together.

If you’ve read this far and are looking for a little more reward than the sentiment I ended on above, here’s a terribly punny joke for you. ‘Brunhild, after everything she’d been through, made sure her betrayer was Sieg-Free’d from his body.’

[teabooksandsweets]

All Creatures Great and Online

because I love unnecessary headcanons!

James

Doesn’t like the internet at all, but uses it for necessary stuff, especially relating to his work

He does, however, have an instagram and posts a very pretty photo he made once in a blue moon

Even though his instagram is not very active, he has a great lot of followers

He also has a blog, naturally, on which he shares all sorts of very popular stories

In fact, he’s also really popular on ao3

And he has a goodreads

He generally likes getting books through the internet, and though he dislikes ebooks, he’s got plenty

He’s also got a pinterest where pins pretty nature photos and quotes, but all his boards are private

But other than that he resents social media and stays as far from it as he can

He avoids checking his emails as much as he can

And takes regular breaks from the internet altogether

All files and pages are really well sorted and he always sticks to the rules

Also, he doesn’t have a smartphone

Siegfried

Siegfried’s stance on the internet is pretty much opposite to James’ - he uses it for everything except work

He keeps all his business on paper, and wouldn’t even think of using a computer for it, or making anything of it online

But he does love using the internet!

Not social media, though

He loves to access music, and movies, and books online

And he loves watching all sorts of things on YouTube

Also, he’s in all sorts of equestrian messaging boards

And he’s a really successful breeder on Howrse, even though he hasn’t told anybody about it

He’s also on Star Stable Online, mostly focused on the races, and has his own riding club there

Also, he always tries to check on what his little brother is doing and always has a watchful eye on the social media accounts of the Skeldale House family, despite usually not having an account himself

He often complains about the bad effects the internet has, though, even if he might praise it a minute later

Tristan

Tristan is a baby and therefore loves the internet

He’s got accounts on all major social media platforms and is moderately active on them, mostly being silly

He mostly uses twitter, though, because he prefers posting (and reading) short stuff

He also has a tumblr, and nobody really knows what to make of it

He often registers at dating platforms, but Siegfried usually finds a way to get him off them, whether by registering himself and then reporting him, making him unpopular, “flirting” with him, or, once, trying to hack him

He’s actually quite sure he once saw Siegfried on one of those sites

And he once flirted with Diana Brompton only to bother Siegfried

He plays a lot of games online, usually of the quick and simple kind

He also really, really likes cooking games although he hides that interest as well as he can - especially from Mrs Hall!

He once found a porn site by pure accident when Siegfried just went into the room, because that’s the sort of thing that happens to Tristan

He didn’t even once consider using the internet for his studies

Helen

Helen uses the internet moderately and doesn’t have much of an opinion on it, and doesn’t see the fuss everybody makes for or against it

She has an instagram and, naturally, follows James, and she’s also one of the few people followed by him

She reads his blog, of course

Otherwise, she mainly uses the internet to look things up (things about animals, recipes, random facts, etc.) and for shopping

She also digitalised all of the surgery’s paperwork and put it in a cloud, though she wouldn’t dream of telling Siegfried about that

She’s also really good with all the technical aspects of the internet, the best of all in Skeldale house, and usually the one called to help

Ironically, she’s the one who needs her own skills the least, since she keeps her use of it to the basics

She likes to find books and music online, but prefers tv over streamers

Also, she’s the only person who knows that Siegfried plays horse games, and, though he couldn’t persuade her to try Howrse, he successfully invited her to play Star Stable Online

She’s part of his riding club, and, despite not being an active or ambitious player, kept in a high rank

She doesn’t really care about the races at all, though, but she does like storyquests and especially simply riding around the pretty landscapes

Mrs Hall

Mrs Hall pretends not to like the internet, but nobody believes her

She’s in several messaging boards, and she uses pinterest

Also, Tristan has a vague feeling that he once saw her on a rather innocent dating site, but he quickly brushed that thought away

She also likes cooking games, and certainly wouldn’t tell anyone

Her favourite is, in fact, the same as Tristan’s

She is, however, outraged by all the sorts of things you can find on the internet by pure accident

That’s why she always uses adblockers

She working on building up a really popular cooking blog, but hasn’t told anybody about it

Also, she reads every blog post of James’s, even though she never comments - neither online, nor in real life. James doesn’t even know that she knows about it, because she never mentions it.

And yet, she’s his most faithful reader

She does avoid all social media of the others, though

Bonus: Mrs Pumphrey and Tricki-Woo

Mrs Pumphrey made sure that Tricki-Woo has all the social media accounts that a Chinese Emperor Pekinese needs

He’s got an instagram with many pretty pictures

A blog, full of exciting and endearing stories from his life (all written by Tricki of course!)

She also set up a sort of little social media site/messaging board for lonely dogs to communicate with each other

She regularly reads Uncle Herriot’s blog, and Tricki always leaves nice comments on his posts

Tricki has his own little fanclub, naturally, and he often sends gifts to his most faithful admirers

(and to everyone who expresses that they’re in need!)

Mrs Pumphrey follows every online donation/charity/funding site there is and anonymously (except, of course, when it’s Tricki’s turn) donates really large sums

However, she donates almost exclusively to individual people, and to very certain organizations that help people and animals, but to absolutely no larger institions and not to general/political causes

But if someone asks her (or Tricki) for money, they can be sure to get it

[regaldisaster]

If they had a kid meme { :DDDDDD}

If they had a kid meme

Name: Jeanne Denesle of Plegia

Gender: Female

General appearance: Small, scrawny and constantly dirty for some reason (not too bad, just patches of dirt and mud here and there), also probably missing a tooth

Personality: Absolute IMP of a kid. Plays hard and ,surprisingly, works hard as well! She wants to be a knight, full of valor and honor, but she’s still quite the tomboy.

Special talents: Fencing, horse riding, witty comebacks,

Who they like better: A toss between the two. She likes Maria because she’s nice and soft and she likes Gangrel because he enables her terrible behaviour.

Who they take after more: Gangrel

Personal headcanon: Loves uncle Siegfried very much, probably has a lil crush on him, and it’s adorable and also terrifying.

Face Claim:

[dailyarturia]

Since you are the Saber of Sabers, can we get a rating of the Sabers?

she’s massively oversaturated the market by now and I’m tired but whenever she has a Big Character Moment(TM) I still gotta wipe a single tear. kinda bland honestly but not bad. 7/10

I rolled her on like a single in my first week of fgo and she’s been my trusted general ever since. love the “desperately clings to ideals she’s claimed to give up on” thing it’s spicy. i don’t like the dress tho whom the fuck would rather have that weak bitch dress when they could have big goth armour. 8/10

doesn’t make any fucking sense but she’s cute so its ok

siegfried is my siegfriend I will love him even if dw doesnt. born with all the power of a hero and always been painfully aware of this so he lived his life wielding that power only how those without that power wanted him to and eventually got backstabbed by his friend for it. super mega cursed with misery thanks to the rhinegold and basically existed only to cause strife and be the tragic backstory of his wife, which he is also painfully aware of and so very sorry for. after death he decided that if he got the chance he’d like to fight only for the things he himself believes in because if he fights only for that which is good and just this time around then surely he will be causing good things for a change. he’s supposed to be a walking fortress of a man and I really will kill dw for what they did to him one day. 10/10

ah yes, the “covering up feelings of inadequacy with a punk-ass attitude”, a classic. she’s SO DESPERATE to be needed is painful to watch but she really hit the fucking jackpot with shishigou. I’d be nicer to her on this blog but I have a brand to maintain. 9/10

she has also oversaturated the market so much and I’m so tired. hogged all the attention in both ch rome and extella without actually getting any development out of it its been THREE AND A HALF GAMES and they STILL dont want to go into the fact that emperor nero might have done a few things wrong even though it’d make her way more complex and engaging to like, have flaws that are more than just mentioned then handwaved with an ‘umu’. i complain but actually im a bitch cause i fall for the umu every time. 8/10

do not be FOOLED by his delicate curls and knightly bearing he is a THOT and CCC is where he shows his true colours. completely lacks any fucking subtlety which is why he’s triple buster. feels the fall of camelot is his fault for not being a good enough knight cause it’s easier than admitting the king he dedicated himself to was flawed so when he gets summoned by a kid who looks just enough like arturia to bring up that complex he goes all fucking in on doing exactly what he’s told even though he knows on some level that’s just going to have the same result as the first time aroaund. having a bad time(TM) in camelot too cause his memories of the place were heavily romanticised and he’s having a hard time reconciling the reality of the mess the round table is in with how he wanted to remember it. don’t ever forget him making dick jokes in extella that was the only thing extella did right for him. 9/10

good civilisation but honestly I’d be lying if I said I really knew what the fuck her deal is. 7/10

THE GOOD UNCLE. a fuckhouse in the lewd sense. he got massively, humongously screwed in the not-sexy way by the king of ulster and in his anger at the absolute disrespect he deflected to connacht but he spent the rest of his living years torn between genuinely liking it in connacht and deeply regretting ever leaving ulster. a hotblooded warrior like all the ulster folks but in the end his deepest wish is just for everyone he loves to get along, which is fundamentally impossible cause those people involve both medb and cu and when they did seem to be on the same side in america it was so painful to watch he decided to just kinda fuck off and die cause he couldn’t bear it but also didn’t want to speak up and be forced to take a side again. please look up his bond lines you would not BELIEVE how much you straight up date him. 10/10

my BOI. the single largest consumer of “loving my wife” juice. he’s actually better as an archer but because his wife only qualifies for archer he only ever lets himself get summoned as saber as to not ruin that astronomically small chance of seeing her again. an old and wise king but because he’s summoned as a pretty young boy he comes across as a haughty brat instead. he spends like half of ch america getting carried around in a backpack by nightingale its good. 8/10

you have never done ANYTHING wrong, in your LIFE

really wish they’d let you have a personality outside the gender thing but id still die for you 

memes

bi culture is having four swords cause bi means two so you dual wield twice. bi culture is having three buster cards cause the B in buster stands for bi

IF THEY DON’T MAKE YOU TRIPLE BUSTER ONCE YOU INEVITABLY ARRIVE IN THE GACHA I’M GOING TO FUCKING RIOT. IF ANYONE SHOULD BE TRIPLE BUSTER ITS YOU. I’VE GOT LIMITED/ZERO OVER FLB AT MAX LEVEL I’M FUCKING READY DW GIVE ME ULTIMATE BUSTER MEMES

normal spongebob

[shuttershocky]

Fate/Grand Order NA edition: A Recap

A quick recap of some of the events that happened so far in the misadventures of Mash and Guda:

FUYUKI

A teenager (we shall call them Guda) answers an ad in the papers, ends up in a military base called Chaldea hidden in the Himalayas.

A bomb toasts everybody inside the base.

Mash and Guda time travel back to the edgiest version of Fate/Stay Night where Saber Alter rules with an iron fist.

Mash, a cute Chaldea clerk, fuses with the ghost of some guy, gets a massive shield to bludgeon people with. 

Cu Chulainn beats people up with the Wicker Man; Thankfully leaves out the bees.

Their boss turns out to be a bad guy and throws their other, dead boss’ ghost into a black hole, making her super dead-er.

The only staff surviving at Chaldea is the ghost of Leonardo Da Vinci and the absentminded doctor she’s fucking.

ORLEANS

Gilles de Raiss, unhappy with the canon ending, makes an edgy Jeanne D’Arc OC to fix it.

The real Jeanne is summoned without her Ruler powers, joins Mash and Guda on their merry stroll through France.

Some countries have roaches, others have rats. France has dragons.

It also has vampires.

Marie Antoinette pulls a drive-by shootout with the vampires to rescue Jeanne D’Arc and company.

They escape because Mozart makes the vampires vomit and/or poop themselves with a piano attached to the back of Marie’s carriage.

They bond. Marie learns what a homie is. Marie and Jeanne are super gay.

Kiyohime and Liz are first introduced. FGO is never the same.

They rescue the German hero Sumanai Siegfried from a castle. He’s pretty beat up.

They need saints to heal him for some reason. Good thing St. George spawns... on the other side of the map.

Do you really wanna hurt us this way George? Really? Take anyone else instead. Take this Mephistopheles, he’s just hanging around in my archive!

Big Bad Battle with Cheese and Dragons. Assassins recommended.

Jeanne vs Jeanne. The edgy OC is no match for the original of course.

Gilles is kicked back into the depths of FF.net where he belongs

SEPTEM

U M U

All of Nero’s forebears in the Roman empire form an alliance against her called Every Villain Is Lemons, also known as EVIL

Nero brings the company to Britain from Italy. On foot.

Mash suffocates under the overwhelming force that is Boudica’s boobs.

Nero chops down the ghosts of Roman emperors past one by one. No biggie.

Mash and Guda find their bad boss in the capital and oh shit he’s a demon from hell.

RIP AND TEAR 

The demon summons Atilla the Hun. He is later of two minds about this choice.

Nero punches Atilla in the face. Civilization will never die!

THE MOON FESTIVAL

Someone steals all the dumplings. Now Chaldea’s gonna starve.

Some booby archer pesters Mash and Guda about helping them recover the food.

Marie doesn’t remember her own homies.

Never mind she totally does.

Saint George is into photography.

Martha is into dumplings, bondage, and breaking faces. Tsk tsk, Saint Martha.

Martha makes her escape by jumping on to her dragon Tarrasque, who begins to fly by spinning around rapidly until it zooms away like a UFO. She probably puked at some point.

Altera, Atilla The Hun, the great destroyer herself, explains the differences of good and bad civilization.

Surprise surprise, Booby Archer is a bad guy- holy shit this is the goddess of the hunt?

Please don’t spook my guaranteed SSR gacha Artemis, I beg you. I’ll do anything you want just don’t come home.

OKEANOS

Sir Francis Drake, Pirate Queen.

Blackbeard. Weeb.

And lo, Captain Drake did shot the god Poseidon in the face, declaring with a mighty shout “Let there be booze!”, and the crew were drunk with infinite booze, and it was good.

Blackbeard wins the award for cringiest villain.

Drake and her motley crew recruit Medusa’s bitchy sister Euryale and her hot monster boyfriend, Asterios The Minotaur.

OH NO ORION AND ARTEMIS ARE BACK SOMEONE CALL THE COPS

The Golden Hind VS The Queen Anne’s Revenge, battle of two legendary pirate ships, FIGHT

Artemis and Orion board the Queen Anne’s Revenge during the fight in an admittedly cool action scene. Orion blows a hole into the ship.

Blackbeard is a tough bastard, but Drake literally killed the god of the seas for some booze so

Hektor, hero of Troy, won’t shut up about being an old man. Also he betrays Blackbeard.

Blackbeard to Drake: “Secretly, I admired you...r boobs.” *dies*

Drake trades upwards, gets the Argonauts as her new nemesis

Jason is just as much of a shitter in Fate as he is in mythology. Who would have guessed?!

Wait wasn’t one of the most famous members of the Argonauts the great hero Hera-OH GOD HE’S HERE WE HAVE TO RUN

Asterios vs Heracles summed up:

Guda: Well now that we lost our muscle we need reinforcements. Atalanta and David: Hi

Atalanta meets her God. She now believes in atheism.

David: Yeah I actually have the most dangerous thing on Earth with me as a second noble phantasm. Everyone else: It’s a box. David: I know. It’s got nerves of steel.

Who would win? A nigh-immortal demigod, son of Zeus and the strongest hero there is, or some box?

“Hey Jason, eat a dick.” - Medea Lily

Eating a dick turns you into a vessel for yet another Demon God. As Jason painfully finds out.

RIP AND TEAR 2.0

David: Yeah all of this time-stream dicking is my idiot son’s fault. It would be just like him, for he was an idiot. Roman: Nuh-uh! David: Yeah-uh!

Goodbye, Captain Drake. T’was an honor to be one of yer hearty crew.

HALLOWEEN 2015(17?)

An invitation? To a party? But all of history was dicked. Where are you supposed to hold a par-is that a castle?

Mash: hOLY SHIT I GET TO PUNCH GHOSTS Guda: Mash calm dow- Mash: WHEN THERE’S SOMETHING STRANGE

Kiyohime casually defies the laws of space and time (again).

Mata Hari: *Starts stripdancing* Mash: :O Kiyo: >:( Roman: :D

Carmilla uses her noble phantasm to clean a spot. I-I’m not even exaggerating this is actually a thing that happens.

Vlad is the supportive uncle who knits for his fellows.

Tamamo Cat; nothing she says ever makes any sense.

Elizabeth Bathory: Surprise! All of this was to prepare you for a special private concert from an up and coming pop idol star!

Everyone: Liz you are a bad Me, tears falling onto my phone: Liz you are a good

Liz: Y-you d-didn’t like m-m-my concert? Everyone: Boo you suck! Me: I LOVED IT BABY YOU’RE GONNA BE A BIG STAR ONE DAY

GODDAMNIT VLAD STOP BEING STUBBORN AND DROP THE GODDAMN CE.

GUDAGUDA HONNOUJI

Split psyche story

What you expected: Angry Nobu, sad Nobu, kinda freaky happy Nobu

What you got:

Rabbit season? Duck season? No. It’s Nobbu season.

A whole string of really funny jokes if you’re a fan of Oda Nobunaga’s place in Japan’s history.

Even more funny jokes that don’t require knowledge of the Sengoku Period

Arash chases after the crew while on fire and screaming “STELLAAA!!”, blows up over Ushiwakamaru’s army

Mash and friends somehow run all the way into the desert.

I give up. There is no way to exaggerate anything that happens in this event.

 It is just bonkers.

Oda Nobunaga and Okita Souji for best couple

THE SCATHACH TRIAL

DW: Boy we sure hope you’re not tired of the Fuyuki map!

Stupid, sexy Scathach: Greetings. Guda: Gaddamn. Mash: Senpai, for once can you not be a perv- Stupid, sexy Scathach: *flips her hair* Mash: Holy fuck I’m so gay right now.

Scathach casually kills ten thousand ghosts.

Scathach casually teaches her new students while crushing a skull with one hand and flexing with the other.

Scathach also gives the nicest headpats.

Brock from Pokemon Fergus joins the party.

Mash: And then, Cu Chulainn saved us in his sexy druid outfit. Scathach and Fergus: Druid outfit? AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Fergus: God I’m just super horny right now. Scathach: I’m pretty DTF myself but only the finest warriors can get some of this. Fergus: Well do I qualif- Scathach: No.

Altera: Hi Fergus: *Dies from nosebleed*

For the final part of the trial, Scathach summons another warrior to replace Fergus.

Diarmuid knows its fanservice day. He doesn’t even bother to put on a shirt.

Artemis: I’m baaaacckk~ Me: AHHH KILL IT! KILL IT!

Scathach to Artemis: From one booby servant to another, your kind of fanservice is super gross and wrong my dude. Domestic violence against men is a very real concern. Now I’m gonna spank you.

Scathach kicks divine ass. Thank you, Shishou!

Scathach: Now before I leave kids, what did we learn? Mash and Guda: That the road ahead of us is long and dark, but if we hold firm and believe in each other, we can be humanity’s saviors from the dark? Scathach: No. What did we really learn? Me: That now I can’t not have you in my Chaldea and must ask for an advanced paycheck this instant? Scathach: Good child.

[empty-dream]

Me watching Fate/Apocrypha ep 16

Wow I didn’t expect the opening would be brutal interrogation by skimpily dressed 7 years old

Sakura Tange voices her and I can’t help but always thinking Sakura Kinomoto commits serial killing and that’s fucked up I’m

On that stick is written “Jeanne here, peace out”

Aww yes internal meeting between Jeanne and Leticia… that doesn’t involve being naked.

"That level of forgiveness is out of this world, Jeanne.” -Leticia

Leticia: “Was it okay to let Sieg join the battle after all?” Jeanne: “He’s a Nasuverse protagonist he’d mindlessly charge into any mess head first”

To be honest this scene is beautiful the song is hauntingly melancholic.

Sieg. Homunculus. Master. Part-time servant. Part-time nurse.

Sieg: “You look pale.” Jeanne: “I’m just remembering my internal crisis discussion with another girl inside me”

Wew blackening.

Chiron. Centaur. Servant. Teacher. Doctor. Father. Commander. Butler- Dude, just make a linkedin account.

Sieg: “You were right. Miracles ain’t free.” Jeanne: “YES THANK LORD YOU FINALLY GET IT”

Chiron: “Siegfried’s heart is eating Sieg.” Jeanne: “Dude you don’t mean he’d become Darnicula 2.0? That abomination was ugly as fuck” Sieg: “That’s what you’re worrying about?”

He looks so chubby in this scene (1)

Chiron: “Sieg you ain’t a magical girl. You can’t just henshin anytime, look frilly, and get to live.”

Chiron you such a papa. He be like “He’s a human being now. Let him grow.”

While Jeanne looks at Astolfo and for once they reach an agreement on how this would suck.

Astolfo: “Just stay put, alright?” Sieg: “But I’m the protagonist you can’t just keep me inside a room I have to save everyone.”

Astolfo be like “Dude don’t get arrogant when you’re technically 5 years old or something.”

Fiore is so damn cute omg.

“Ruler’s job is actually being The matron of all the servants. One go bad, spank them.” -Jeanne, probably

Seriously, Fiore is just way too kind for this wretched Yddgmillenia position.

HAHAHA HOLY SHIT THIS EPISODE IS LITERALLY TITLED JACK WHO

Everyone’s memory of Jack is blurred because of child protection censorship.

Oh okay, so from here on and probably until the end of the episode I actually have never read this part in the novel because no available translation.

Astolfo and his (in)famous purple outfit!

Does that mean Astolfo and Jeanne, two young, very pretty girl and girl-looking guy, go around investigating murder scenes and people don’t bat an eye?

CHIRON IN SUIT???!!! OMG DADDY

Oh-OH SHIT I forgot that Caules has the necromancy power that’s pivotal for the plot

Fiore” “Man this paperwork is so boring I wish something else can happen.” Jack: “Hehe”

OH OKAY CAULES U OK THAT LOOKS PAINFUL AS FUCK

Chiron of course his pain is immense he is screaming like a madman

Jeanne and Astolfo be like “Ew that’s some Exorcist shit 10/10 won’t watch it again”

He looks so chubby in this scene (2)

Is that the magus standard reaction to a ringing cellphone?

Fiore is so focused on her home works she doesn’t realise everybody’s been gassed to death outside her home.

Wait wait is that Jack with her cloak?!?!

Chiron to the rescue!!

Honestly Fiore handling phone is so cute

Sieg be like “I’m the protagonist here I won’t just sit down in a bedroom I will save everybody”

And Gordes has graduated into homunculi weirdly protective uncle

Um if you say the code out loud of course the murderer behind you would hear it

YES IT’S JACK WITH HER CLOAK

SHE LOOKS SO BADASS IN IT 100% SCARIER 100% CUTER

I am so taken aback at this scene I just got silent

I agree with Fiore. Jack is enjoying this. A lot.

She’s like that really cute kid and also really michievous you can’t help but adressing her “Cute little shit”

“You think it was a broomstick? Too bad it is my mechanical magical steel tentacles!” -Fiore

Jack’s golden shining eyes are so creepy

Sieg: “I AM THE PROTAGONIST MY JOB IS SAVING EVERYONE HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TO SAY ITTTT??!!!!”

Jack: “Who are you?” Sieg: *silent* Jack: “That’s bad manners, answer if someone asks you”

Jack’s reaction is exactly like me when I literally just finish my task and new one comes in.

SIEG WAIT DON’T YOU HEAR WHAT CHIRON TOLD YOU MINUTES AGO?!

Wow Jack’s voice is full of resentment I love it

Um you guys made it in time, yes, but you two braided servants don’t actually do anything??

Chiron: “Thanks. Good thing I keep you in the castle, right?” Sieg: “YEAH BUT-“

“I don’t remember her face anymore but I’m sure she comes from hell” -Fiore

Fiore: “Let’s kill Jack.” Sieg: “Yeah let’s kill her.” Jeanne: “Yeah, in a non-suicidal way, right?” Sieg: “Um…”

You know, this episode wins because I haven’t read its second half in the novel but I guess it works Jack is just scary as fuck and I love it.

Chubby faces but i won’t complain it’s not in inappropriate scenes anw

Also finally I know how Caules’s necromancy works and it’s fucked up.

NEXT: Get the priest we have a loose satan here.

[a1detective]

WITH SHARP, GOOD LOOKS AND WARDROBE OF A MOVIE STAR, and the other-world demeanor of a Catholic Saint, this Muslima plays many roles in the Democrat Fantasy.

USA Congressional Representative,  Ilhan Omar (D, Minn), fills a Democrat-nightmare script: as beautiful revolutionary, as Saint Ilhan of Orleans, or even as Omar The Seductive Vampire.

I wonder if she has actually come this far on her own merit? Or whether she maybe had “special” help from special “folks,” who maybe hand-picked her for stardom. You know—like a Jussie Smellit, a Che Guevara, or even a Barry Soetoro-Obama?

Forward.Com, i2.cdn.cnn.com, JAF IMAGES

By the way, there’s no evidence Barry Soetoro ever actually changed his name in front of a judge to Barrack Hussein Obama. Maybe that’s why he had to be sworn in twice? Maybe that’s why so many of his official background and birth records are sealed away and hidden?

What the hell is this “dance” they do?

Maybe this Ilhan babe is on the same, selected, ordained path? The same, financed, protected, power-backed, Obamanized, fast-track?

If you’re a would-be leader of the Democrats—either seeking the ’20 presidential nomination or simply hoping to be a national progressive leader—it’s obligatory to get in the Omar fight.

That is, if you want to be the champion of the cutting-edge Social Justice Warriors, you’d better speak out on this hot-button topic.

—Breitbart.Com

Democrats would rather be talking about how “wonderful” they are. How “marvelously” their non-existent roadmap to a glorious, equalized America “rings out.”

Yeah—their “plan” rings out like a Wagnerian dirge. Like Siegfried’s Funeral March. But not even as “happy” as a dirge or a funeral march.

But, just what the hell did Omar do that was “so bad?”

You mean lately? What’s she done lately? Amid other anti-America, anti-Trump, and anti-Conservative-American statements, she found time to do this:

The disruption of the Democrats’ happy…plan started on March 23, when Omar delivered a speech to a Council of American-Islamic Relations assembly in Los Angeles in which, bringing up 9/11, she said those words that will live in infamy:

“some people did something.”

—Breitbart.Com

What? What the hell did she say?

“SOME PEOPLE DID SOMETHING?”

Some people fricking did something?

Ask this man’s family, WHO did WHAT to WHOM—on that day, September 11, 2001 :

Breitbart.com – Getty Images

So—it seems a bunch of Saudi, Muslim Jihadi blew down the World Trade Center Buildings and killed 5000 people? And this Bltch can’t make herself say it? Why not? What is she?

Just who the hell is, Ilhan Omar (D, Minn.)?

Ilhan Omar, is a Somali Muslim. She was not born in America. Nor is she Christian, Jewish, Hindu, or Buddhist.

[NOTE: the word “Islam” does not appear in this article, as might (and often do) the words “Jewish” or “Christian,” if they applied. The word “Muslim” appears but once, in passing. In my opinion, this is a lame attempt by some unknown power-structure, to maybe help “coverup” Ilhan Omar’s religionist heritage. —JAF]

  Omar was born on October 4, 1981, in Mogadishu[4] and spent her early years in Baidoa, Somalia.[5][6] She was the youngest of seven siblings. Her father, Nur Omar Mohamed, an ethnic Somali, worked as a teacher trainer.[7] Omar’s mother, Fadhuma Abukar Haji Hussein, a Benadiri (a community of partial Yemeni descent), died when Omar was two.[8][9][10][11] She was thereafter raised by her father and grandfather.[12]

Her grandfather, Abukar, was the director of Somalia’s National Marine Transport, with her uncles and aunts also working as civil servants and educators.[7]

Escaping war in Somalia, she and her family fled the country and spent four years in a Dadaab refugee camp in Garissa County, Kenya near the Somali border.[13][14][15]

Omar entered the United States in 1992. After first arriving in New York,[16]her family settled in Arlington, Virginia.[10

Omar was elected to the Minnesota House of Representatives in 2016 on the Democratic–Farmer–Labor Party line. She was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives in 2018, marking a number of historic electoral firsts:

[Omar’s “INTERSECTIONALITY,” below, of “victimhood, gives her a “perfect” background for use by the Democrat Party:]

Omar is the first Somali-American, the first naturalized citizen from Africa, the first minority woman from Minnesota, and one of the first two Muslim women, along with Rashida Tlaib of Michigan, to serve in Congress.[1][2][3]

[NOTE: The only thing better about Omar’s “Intersectionality,” might be if she “changed” her sex, or said she was gay. —JAF]

A member of the Congressional Progressive Caucus, Omar has advocated for a living wage, affordable housing and healthcare, student loan debt forgiveness. The protection of Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, and abolishing U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE).

She has strongly opposed the immigration policies of the Donald Trump administration, including the Trump travel ban.

A frequent critic of Israel, Omar has denounced its settlement policy and [so-called] military campaigns in the occupied Palestinian territories, and what she describes as the influence of pro-Israel lobbies such as AIPAC.

Jewish groups, Republicans and senior Democrats have accused Omar of using anti-semitic canards [unfounded rumors,] in tweets and comments about Israel and pro-Israel lobbies….

—Wikipedia.Org

I think I have laid out the essential Ilhan Omar. In my opinion, anything more about her would only play into the Democrat ploy of Diversion, Diversion, and more Diversion.

In my opinion, the Somali Muslima, Ilhan Orhan, is:  anti-Jew, anti-America, anti-Trump-Americans, and anti-Israel. Subversive, and anti-Democrat. An apparent promoter of the Islamic, pro-Muslim group, CAIR. And, that’s for a start.

It’s important to not be diverted by side issues. “You are what you eat,” and who your are, can define your politics.

Democrats use diversion like magicians do—to divert the observer, or the propaganda target. They don’t want anybody to actually know what’s going on.

This is why watching both their hands is essential.

“Celebmouth,” Rob Reiner as “The Distraction,” – Upload.wikimedia.org – Variety – JAF IMAGES

    LEDE PHOTOS: ChristianAction.Org, RollCall.Com, SeatleGlobalist.Com, Scott.Net, Time.Com, Others Unknown

WHO THE HELL IS ILHAN OMAR? WITH SHARP, GOOD LOOKS AND WARDROBE OF A MOVIE STAR, and the other-world demeanor of a Catholic Saint, this…