#unless if the victims' family members see it maybe but it just feels so depressing to me

[danlous]

This type of posts are so silly to me because it's obvious most people on this site haven't even bothered to google who the passengers were or the background of this incident. I guarantee you that at least Paul-Henry Nargeolet has been in plenty of touch with human life and isn't exceptionally rich. All the passengers except the teenage son have a long history of being extremely passionate about ocean and science and that was their main motivation for wanting to go on this trip. They certainly knew there were risks and chose to take them because they thought it was worth it because this was so important to them, but the CEO very likely lied to other passengers about the sub's safety because they would've been professional and experienced enough not to go there if they knew how unsafe it really was

[jayoctodot]

The Silent Patient vs The Maidens

I will start by saying that I understand the appeal of these novels as page-turners. They are easy to read and if you want a twisty reveal at the end, you will probably be entertained and satisfied. That being said, I am SO CONFUSED by the near-universal adoration of The Silent Patient and the reasonably positive reception of The Maidens. The weaknesses of the two are strikingly similar, as well, which doesn’t give me much hope of seeing improvement from this guy, though I am intrigued to see whether he keeps repeating the same (apparently successful!!) patterns. These books were at least super fun to hate.

(For context, I read The Maidens for a bookclub I'm in, because several of the members had read and loved The Silent Patient, and one of them gave me a copy of the latter to read on my own time. I loathed The Maidens and then read The SP for comparative purposes. And because I'm a masochist, apparently.)

SPOILER WARNING! Do not read on unless you've finished both books (or unless you care not for spoilers). Sorry if it gets a bit shouty.

Here are the similar weaknesses I noticed in both:

PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGY

-> Weirdly similar “group therapy” scenes early on where a cartoonishly unstable patient arrives late, disrupts the meeting by throwing something into the middle of the circle, and is asked to join the group after the therapist(s) speechify on the importance of boundaries (HA! None of these therapists would know an appropriate boundary if it kicked them in the ass) and debate whether to “allow” the patient to join. Both scenes are so transparent in their design to establish the credibility/legitimacy of the narrators as therapists, but instead both Theo and Mariana come off as super patronizing. The protagonists are less and less believable as therapists at the stories progress (though at least Theo’s incompetence is explained away by the “twist” at the end; Mariana, on the other hand, is confronted in the opening pages of the novel by a patient who has self-harmed PRETTY extensively, and rather than ensure he get proper medical attention, she essentially throws him a first aid kit and tosses him out the door so she can pour herself a glass of wine and call her niece... and it devolves from there).

-> Ongoing insistence throughout the narrative that one’s childhood trauma entirely explains the warped/dysfunctional way a character behaves or views the world, which is why the books go out of their way to give EVERY potentially violent character a traumatic childhood; when Theo insists that no one ever became an abuser who hadn’t been abused themselves, I wanted to throw the book across the room. (That is a MYTH, SIR. GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGY.)

-> Female murderers whose pathology boils down to “history of depression” and “traumatized by a male loved one/family member.” Because, as we all know, depression + abuse = murderer!

-> The “therapy” depicted in both books is laughable and so so unrealistic, mostly because neither narrators function as therapists so much as incompetent detectives, obsessively pursuing a case they have no place pursuing (or skill to pursue - both just happen across every clue mostly by way of clunky conversation with all the people who can provide precisely the snippet of info to send them along to the next person, and the next… until all is revealed in a tired, cliched “twist”). Their constant Psych 101 asides were so tiresome and weirdly dated (also, the constant harping on countertransference got so ridiculous that at one point during "therapy" Theo literally attributes his headache and a particular emotion he feels to Alicia, as though the contents of her head are being broadcast directly into his mind... and I'm PRETTY SURE that's not how it works???)

CHARACTERS

-> Psychotherapist narrators with abusive fathers and pretensions of being Sherlock Holmes, which results in both characters crossing ALL KINDS of ethical lines as they invade the personal lives of everyone even tangentially connected to their cases (and, in Theo's case, violate all kinds of patient confidentiality. Yeah, yeah, by the end, that's the least of his offenses, but before you get there, it's baffling that NO ONE is calling him out on this).

-> All female characters are either elderly with hilariously bad advice, monstrous hulking brutes, or beautiful bitches (except for ~MARIANA~, who is Bella Swan-esque in her unawareness of her own attractiveness, despite multiple men trying to get with her almost immediately after meeting her. I'm so tired of beautiful female characters being oblivious to their own hotness. Are we meant to believe all mirrors and male attention have escaped their notice? If it’s to make them “relatable,” this tactic really fails with me).

-> All characters of color are shallow, cartoonish side characters, and most of them are depicted as unsympathetic minor antagonists (the Sikh Chief Inspector in The Maidens continuously drinks tea from an ever-present thermos, and his only other notable characteristic is his instant dislike of Mariana, whom he VERY RIGHTLY warns to stay out of the investigation that she is VERY MUCH compromising… the Caribbean manager of the Grove is universally disliked by her staff for enforcing stricter safety regulations at the bafflingly poorly run mental institution, because HOW DARE SHE. There's a very clear vibe that we're supposed to dislike these characters and share the protagonists' indignation, but honestly Sangha/Stephanie were completely in the right for trying to shut down their wildly inappropriate investigations).

-> "Working class" characters (or basically anyone excluded from the comfortably upper-crust, educated main cadre of characters) are few and far between in both stories, but when they show up, he depicts them as such caricatures. We got Elsie the pathologically lying housekeeper in the Maidens, who is enticed to share her bullshit with cake, and then a TOOTHLESS LEPRECHAUN DEALING DRUGS UNDER A BRIDGE in the SP. I kid you not, a man described as having the body of a child, the face of Father Time, and no front teeth, emerges from beneath a bridge and offers to sell Theo some "grass." I was dyinggg.

-> There are no characters to root for. Anywhere. Partly because they’re all so thinly drawn — and because we’re clearly supposed to view almost ALL of them as potential suspects, so they’re ALL weird, creepy, or incompetent in some way.

-> The flimsiest of flimsy motives, both for the narrators and the murderers. Theo fully would have gotten away with his involvement in the murder if he hadn't gone out of his way to work at the Grove and "treat" Alicia and his justification for doing so is pretty weak; his rapid descent into stalking and murder fantasy and his random ass decision to "expose" Alicia's husband as a cheater with a spur-of-the-moment home invasion and staged attempted homicide is ONLY justified if the reader hand waves it away as WELP, HE'S CRAZY, I GUESS (after all, he DID have an abusive father and a history of mental illness, and in Michaelides novels, that's ALL YOU NEED to become a violent psycho). I guess we're lucky Mariana didn't also start dropping bodies (because the logic of his fictional universe says she should definitely be a murderer by now... maybe that'll be his Maidens sequel?). But she especially had NO reason to randomly turn detective - and she kept trying to justify it by saying she needed to re-enter the world or that Sebastian would want her to (??), even though she had no background in criminal psychology... or even a particular fondness for mysteries (really, I would've accepted ANYTHING to explain her dogged obsession with the case. WHY were Sebastian and Zoe so certain she would insert herself into the investigation just because one of Zoe's friends was the first victim? WHY?). As for Zoe and Alicia, their motives are mere suggestions: they were both abused and manipulated, and voila! Slippery slope to murder.

WRITING STYLE

-> Incessant allusions to Greek tragedy and myth, apparently to provide a sophisticated gloss over the bare-bones writing style, which opts more for telling than showing and frequently indulges in hilariously bizarre analogies. Credit where credit is due — the references to Greek myth are less clunky in the SP, and I liked learning about the Alcestis play/myth, which I hadn’t heard of before - but OMG the entire characterization of Fosca, who we are meant to believe is a professor of Greek tragedy at one of the most respected universities on the planet, is just absurd. His "lecture" on the liminal in Greek tragedy is essentially the Wikipedia page on the Eleusinian Mysteries capped off with some Hallmark-card carpe diem crap. The lecture hall responds with raucous applause, clearly never having heard such vague genius bullshit before.

-> Super clunky and amateurish narrative device of interludes written by another character; Sebastian’s letter reads like a mashup of Dexter monologues and Clarice’s memory of the screaming sheep, but by FAR the worse offender is Alicia’s diary, where we’re supposed to believe she painstakingly recorded ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS, BEAT-BY-BEAT DIALOGUE, even when she’s just been DRUGGED TO THE GILLS with morphine and has mere moments of consciousness left… and even before that, she literally takes the time to write “He's trying the windows and doors! ...Someone’s inside! Someone’s inside the house! ETC ETC” when she thinks her stalker has broken in downstairs. WHO DOES THAT?)

-> Speaking of dialogue, the dialogue is so bad. Based on his bio, Michaelides got a degree in screenwriting, which makes his terrible dialogue even more baffling.

-> HILARIOUSLY rendered voyeur scenes where the narrators spy on couples having sex. Such unintentionally awkward descriptions. First we had Kathy’s climax sounds through the trees and then the bowler hat carefully placed on a tombstone before the gatekeeper plows a student. Again, I died.

PLOT/"TWIST"

-> The CONSTANT red herrings make for such an exhausting read. Michaelides drops anvils with almost every character that are so obviously meant to designate them as suspects in our minds. There is absolutely no subtlety in his misdirections.

-> The “crossover” scene between the SP and The Maidens makes no sense - when in the timeline does Mariana’s story overlap with Theo’s? They confer just before Theo starts working at the Grove, obviously (though Mariana appears to be the one who alerts Theo to the job opening there? Whereas in the SP, Theo has been obsessively tracking Alicia since the murder and had already planned to apply to work there?), but then are we supposed to believe that while Theo has been psychotically pursuing his warped quest to “help” Alicia, he’s also been diligently treating Zoe, so invested in her case that he repeatedly reaches out to Mariana to get her to visit Zoe and even writes Mariana a lengthy letter to convince her to do so??? And then a couple days after The Maidens ends, Theo is arrested???

-> But the thing I really did hate the most is how Michaelides treats his female murderers (who are both also victims themselves) as mere means to deploy a “twist”; there’s no moment spared to encourage our sympathy for Zoe, who was groomed and manipulated by the only trusted father figure in her life, and even after spending a decent amount of time getting to know Alicia via her ridiculous diary, where it’s so apparent that she’s been demeaned, objectified, manipulated, gaslit, and/or used by EVERY man in her life, she’s sent packing to spend the rest of her days in a coma… HOW much more satisfying would it have been for her to succeed in exposing Theo and reclaiming her voice? But no, she basically rolls over when he comes to finish her off (SPEAKING OF — ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THERE ARE NO SECURITY CAMERAS IN THIS INSTITUTE FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE????), writes one last diary entry, and drifts off forever. And then a couple pages of nothing later, the story is over. GOODNIGHT, ALICIA!

Both books kept me rolling throughout (by which I mean eye-rolling but also rotfl). Maybe I will check out his next effort — I’m morbidly curious what he’ll turn out. It does leave me wondering whether I should give up on thriller novels entirely, though. Are many of the weaknesses of these novels just characteristic of the genre? Maybe I'm just holding these books to unfair standards? I'm mostly only familiar with thriller films — many of which I think are amazing — but maybe you can get away with more in a film than you can in a novel.

...I really only intended to write a handful of bullet points, but more and more kept coming to mind as I wrote, to the point where subheadings became necessary. Whoopsie.

[manicr]

X-Factor: Daken

Since I did a development analysis on Daken in X-Men Blue, it feels only reasonable to do one for X-Factor, especially considering the the latest issue (#8). I had thoughts that I articulated in the tags, but I think I should try to put them together and look at Daken as a character in the whole of X-Factor.

Firstly, Daken isn’t recruited into the team, he persistently volunteers despite the objections of the team. He is presented passed out on the bar floor, drinking to deal with his feelings. Word of God states he’s depressive again and Laura being in the Vault is a big factor in that. Daken later confesses that he’s been “playing nice”, implying what he did was trying to be good and finding it a role, rather than natural.  His drive to join the team seems to be desperate to distract himself from his negative feelings, needing purpose and preoccupation.

However, very in-character, he excuses himself with flippant commentary, and the fact that he finds Aurora attractive:

He, as in XMB, makes himself useful to the team with his powers and instincts, despite them not being welcoming of his presence. He persists and tries to reach out to them, even if only a little, like he’s learned to do with his sisters and what we saw in XMB. He even calls them out on their bullshit against him, and tries to “be good”. The team still doesn’t trust him, and are bothered both by his flirtatiousness and his past villainy.

He actively pursues Aurora and gets himself thrown out of Mojo-verse, however his interest isn’t just romantic/sexual, but he wants to solve what happened to her when she died. He knows she’s not telling everything. He tries to be kind and reach out to her, not forcing her to say, but curious -- maybe having his own hypothesis on what happened. He knows something is off, and can’t let it go. Seems to care enough to want to help her.

Now were three issues in and Daken has been trying his best to help, reach out and fit into a team that is not very welcoming or accepting of him. Aurora is a fixed point of interest for him, and he tries especially with her. She seems flattered by the attention at this point.

Then the X of Swords event happens, essentially without Daken though he fights in the background, and we get our first major time-jump. That jump seems noticeable in text, as there seems to be a greater comfort and trust in the team as a whole, not just towards Daken.

At a party in the Boneyard, Daken talks with Polaris, trusting her enough to ask her if the kindness he sees is real It is, and it’s a bit of an alien concept to him still. He equates it with lack of intelligence “simple-mindedness” or faking it as an act to get ahead/mask whatevers beneath. Polaris mentions his childhood trauma.

Daken also takes some ribbing from Lorna regarding his past and glum attitude, but laughs it off, but we get some foreshadowing through it. Daken’s trauma regarding snow is tied together in XF, harking to a Dark Wolverine era trauma of him  as a child being forced to ‘train’ in snow by Romulus. It’ll repeat itself in XF again.

We also get to see a little of what Daken does on his spare time, drawing with charcoal: having finally found some other outlet than fighting, fucking and drinking for his feelings.

He also reaffirms his interest in Aurora, as well as his familial affection for Polaris. He shows off growth in being able to have different types of affection, to have family that he cares for when back in his own series he refused social bonds like family (in ref. to the Fantastic 4) and saw them as based on fear, social obligation, and naivete.

Themes of being trapped, trauma and abuse are repeated in XF by different characters -- it applies to all of them in different ways. The letter “Why didn’t you just leave?” that speaks of this.

It echoes trauma that Daken needed to deal with himself under Romulus control -- even when he was physically away from him. His character arch has been to find himself, and not just flippantly in his eat-prey-killing comment, but also a way out of the trauma of abuse and making himself ‘smaller’ lesser to fit with the living weapon Romulus wanted. To find and dare to feel, to feel worthy, and not fear some punishment from his abuser. Of course, this applies to so many characters in X-F, both sub-textually and directly like with Siryn and Shatterstar.

One of the major relationship changes now in the book is Daken and Northstar’s relationship. Northstar confides and trusts in Daken as a team-mate from previously having refused it. Daken in turn takes his orders and seems to want that trust:

This culminates in Northstar rescuing Daken when he was trapped and beaten by the Morrigan. And according to Aurora, Northstar is behaving towards Daken as a person he doesn’t want to lose, by yelling for him and checking on him. He explicitly cares for Daken now, even with the protectiveness he still feels for Aurora. The dying in the snow theme repeats it self.

Then there is Daken and Auroras long conversation about his powers, her feelings and his feelings. He reveals the limits of his skills and she insists on understanding, which seems to make him feel better about it. She empathizes with the burden of his skills, seeing the drawbacks.

There’s a lot of subtext regarding his relationship with his own powers, he outwardly uses them shamelessly but at the same time this implies that it’s far more fumbling, uncertain and emotionally harrowing for him. And that he’s willing to see that and feel that rather than see it as his right to do whatever or refuse his powers utterly.

The Morrigan fight is overlayed with a speech about trauma, highlighting how it directly relates to Daken. He’s traumatized. He’s been abused. He’s been rewired to be dysfunctional, to hide his pain and the suffering. And it makes him feel worthless, unloved, and that no one cares, has never cared.

Later, Daken acknowledges how poorly he felt, how helpless, and how suicidal it made him feel. Even if he thinks its hypnosis rather than his own real feelings. His description fit in with depression and trauma-related issues, the feeling over never reaching shore, of drowning, and helplessness combined with the negative-self talk, that no one cares, loves him, or will be there for him since he’s worthless and a burden. But also how he looks to Aurora for comfort to deal with that.

Generally this issue irons out issues of consent, the genuineness of both their feelings as well as Daken being more like a real friend and family member to the team, but also about revealing his trauma. To show that he is not alright, despite his flippant flirty exterior. He struggles with his past, his trauma and his feelings about himself, and the belief that he deserves to be loved, cared for and to belong. This is repeated in issue #8 which hammers these themes home once more. Daken is not alright, but he wants to be.

This is growth from early Daken who didn’t even want to admit to himself that he was abused and molded by Romulus, and using rage and hurting others as a way of dealing with his own feelings, as well as using others and himself because it didn’t matter, he didn’t and no one else did either.

The in the snow theme is repeated and his fervent desire to be saved, from everything, himself as well as everything and everyone that might harm him. He seems to believe that being loved by Aurora will save him. Which is not the healthiest approach to dealing with trauma but a very common one, latching onto other people, because he doesn’t yet have the sense of self or self-worth to believe in it unless someone else does too. This for most people a necessary step towards growing and getting better.

He also is still stuck in the abuse-trauma-victim cycle and blaming himself for being harmed, seeing that he’s somehow not being good enough and that’s why he’s being hurt. “I’ll be good” are the words of someone who has been hurt over and over again by someone who made them believe they somehow deserved it. That they were ‘bad’ and needed to be punished.

...then he is faced with the fact that he truly does believe this about himself, that he’s not over it, that he’s not yet free or saved from the feelings that the trauma left behind.

But then... he dies, self-sacrificing to save his team mates and the information they carry, knowingly risking up to a week of his memory and experiences. He uses Aurora as a morality pet, to prompt himself into action, excessive such even.

He is resurrected without the memory of any of this to the point BEFORE Northstar came for him. He knows he lost that. He knows from reports that he lost things, even if not the extent of it, and now the hurt and pain from DAYS in the snow is fresh again, without any help from Aurora to process it nor knowing for certain that she loves him, without being proved that his team cares and came for him in the end. He might now the latter in paper, but that’s not the same emotionally speaking.

So, he’s angry. He knows he’s lost things, he’s been hurt and killed. But he doesn’t have the comfort of resolving these things with his team like he did, not with his habit of hiding his pain, and feeling like a burden. So he fights instead.

So, where have we ended up at the end of issue #8 of X-Factor?

Daken has been accepted by his team, because of all of HIS hard work, reaching out and kindness

Daken has opened up about his powers and his suffering (though lost half of it to the mind transfer time gap)

He has established a relationship with Aurora with clear consent, affection, but not yet full transparency of their mutual pasts (again some lost from his perspective)

He is starting to realize that he’s not yet ‘over’ his own trauma and that he’ll need to continue working on it (some lost)

Daken isn’t a perfect character nor perfectly written, he was abused and shaped by that abuse and trauma into something vicious, that he didn’t dare change from for a long time. Instead he tried to enjoy it, to revel in it, rather than face the pain and grow. He hurt and killed a lot of people, including himself, and it’s takes years of development for him to start to grow past that old self. Getting away from Romulus was only the first step.

He needed people to make him see how fucked up he was and to motivate him to be better, from Johnny back in Dark Avengers, then Laura and Gabby, and then trying on his own, attaching to Donna for a while, before teaming up with the X-Men and then X-Factor and Aurora as support for himself. It’s pretty clear that on his own, he can’t do it, he needs help, support, structure and purpose -- as do the majority of people. I’d also recommend therapy, but he’s not there yet.

One day he might stand on his own feet when it comes to feeling good about himself and managing his own life. But right now he’s in a place where he needs a strong support system, not just his family and lovers but also friends.

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

ALL of the emojis for Siv :D

What is the kindest thing your OC has ever done for someone? What is the kindest thing someone has ever done for them? On the flip side, what is the worst thing your OC has done to another person?

I don’t think I can point out a *single* ultimate kind act, but Siv raising and caring for his brother throughout their whole childhood is definitely one of the kindest periods of his life. Spoilers, but: Siv didn’t actually believe himself to be capable of being a knight, in fact Ligero was specifically trying to keep him out of Larc’s life, letting them grow to be more independent, giving Siv every reason to be jealous and spiteful. But Siv trained to be a knight anyways because he didn’t want his brother to be alone through it all. He would never admit it, but Siv is a really kind and soft person. He cared for everyone of LinkLink’s scars and scabs when they went shield surfing, he took Zavis to a surprise party when his mother didn’t bother to throw anything that special. He wrote Revali letters, he sewed little rat plushies for Aryll to add to her collection—and I think it all stems from his childhood, where the only thing that he was certain of, the only choice that he could without a doubt claim was a good and kind thing that he didn’t mess up on, was caring and loving for someone that he by all other means didn’t have to.

As for the kindest thing someone has done for him, well honestly I think Siv would consider anyone giving him a basic amount of respect and appreciation as the “kindest” thing. Although once, Zavis allowed himself to team up with Link to plan a perfect party for Siv, which is to say, a very notable feat.

As for the worst thing Siv has done to someone: that’s probably spoilers. :3

What does your OC do when they see others upset or in pain? An upset friend? A stranger?

If a stranger was upset, Siv would probably just think, “Sucks to suck!” and move on. Unless they were like, REALLY sobbing, to the point where it would be impossible to ignore. Then he might stop walking, chat them up and buy them a drink, maybe hear their woes, but that’s probably it.

If it was a friend, he’d be immediately on their case, but would still try to play it off as him being an apathetic, disgruntled guy. But you know, Siv didn’t become an official royal Branch Buddy for nothing.

What is something true about your OC that they refuse to admit about themselves? Is there any reason to this besides embarrassment?

Under absolutely no circumstances will Siv admit that he is shorter than anyone. He finds it completely unfair that BOTH of his brothers are taller than him. He would hate it if you told him so, but Siv without a doubt has inherited a bit of his father’s ego, so calling him short, or even complimenting his hot royal guard brother when Siv is right there would ruffle his feathers to say the least

Describe a regular day for your OC. What is their schedule (if they have one).

Pre-Orator days, Siv basically wakes up whenever he wants (usually past noon), feeds the pet rats in the alleyways, then heads to the underground. Everyday is scraping enough rupees for a hot meal and a drink by selling illegal tickets to the underground monster fights, maybe organize a rigged gambling ring or two, and obviously scam any ten year olds that were looking to enter the world of pocket monster fighting themselves. Then when the “work” day is done, he’ll pop by an adequate tavern (the only one that would tolerate letting someone like him around) and eat and drink, and...that’s pretty much it.

As the Royal Orator, Siv wakes up and immediately heads to the dining hall, then hauls all the food and drink over to his office by 10am, cause that’s when his official work hours kick in. He then has to just sit there, listen to people’s grievances and input that will promptly be ignored (by either his hand, or most certainly by his superiors) while also posting out the important announcements and rat doodles with the Quill of Roost(both pre and post consumption). He might grab lunch in between and do fuck all, but by 9pm he’s gone out and about, doing whatever it takes to get as little sleep as possible because he doesn’t really like the sort of dreams he’s been having.

Current Siv doesn’t have a schedule, but he does have an agenda.

How does your OC think they will die? Does death scare them? Is there any reason for this?

Siv isn’t thinking about death. In truth, he thought he would have died much, MUCH earlier. Maybe get stabbed or executed? Maybe have a poor run in with an ex or particularly angry victim of his scams? But hey, now that’s he’s living the high life with all this power, he doesn’t care about death! For all he knows, he could live forever as long as he sticks with Ganon! All he has to do is follow what he says, and he’ll be happy forever and never have to fear anything ever again.

What is your OC’s most traumatic experience? (If they don’t have just one traumatic experience either pick one or describe them all!)

The Asunder Incident.

Siv constantly questions himself after that, “Why would I do that? Was I really capable of killing someone? Surely not, I’m not...I’m not that bad...” but the facts obviously stated otherwise. This was basically the incident that cemented himself as the person he is at the start of hku, apathetic and broken. He wouldn’t admit it then, but this singular event basically solidified everyone’s prejudice and perception of him, and rightfully proved them correct. It was his own actions that left him hated, abandoned, and alone, so yeah, he can’t complain now, it’s all his fault.

How would your OC react to the death of a friend/family member/loved one? Is there anyone they can confide in?

If Ligero died he would throw a fucking party for the ages.

Other than that, yeah, if someone he knew and cared about died he would be very heart broken about it. I think the only person he would really confide in about it would be Larc, but if it WAS Larc that died...I can only assume he would at the very least be severely depressed. He’s his favourite, cherished, little brat brother, after all.

What would your OC be like if they were evil. Or if they’re already evil what would they be like as the good guy?

This is an interesting question given that...I’ve already shown both sides to this, haven’t I? Maybe I’ll just let the story speak for itself...

How would your OC react to somebody telling them that they love them? (+ bonus give another characters/OC name!)

Siv would first play it off as a joke because defense mechanism! “Haha, yeah, and you know what I love? The bathroom!” and he would be off escape the situation. But if they were persistent, he would be very flustered and very...vulnerable, and scarily sentimental in his opinion. It would take some time, but I believe eventually he would really, truly accept it, in the end. Although patience is certainly a virtue, it took an entire childhood for him to use the L word for his brother.

What does your OC hate about themself? What lies about themself do they believe? On the flip side, What does your OC love about themself?

He hates being a bad person. He does not believe himself to be good or worthy of anything, thus he internalizes it wholeheartedly in order to gain that sense of control. So now that Siv’s accepted he will never be truly happy, he’s like, “Great! I can just not care about anyone else now.”

Thankfully, that’s changed recently, and he now believes, “You know what? I’m NOT a bad person! It’s everyone else that’s been wronging me! The problem with me is that I’ve been way to much of a coward to take what I deserve, so now I’m gonna do it, no matter what! I deserve to not be hurt anymore, and if I can’t do whatever it takes to achieve that, then how can I say I deserve to be happy in the first place?” Be sure to thank Calamity Ganon for that pep talk.

Right now Siv loves his power. He’s had the most control and power in this one relationship with Ganon than he’s ever had with anyone else in his entire life. He’s finally on top! Number one! He has something to really be proud of about himself! The old Siv hated themselves, but now that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Does your OC have any scars? How and when did they get them?

He doesn’t have any notable scars, especially given that he’s got the power o’ malice, baby! Malice is a representation of many things, one of them being time and memory, so it’s pretty easy for it to heal and return skin, flesh, and bone to a prior state. Perfect for healing and repairing people and objects, alike! Of course, malice is more famous for doing the opposite, sucking your soul out from you prematurely, feeling yourself die rapidly, your last breath being snatched and forced out of your lungs, a thousand breaths meant for a lifetime suddenly sapped out in a few minutes. But I don’t know why I’m talking about that, that’s not relevant haha

What is something your OC blames themself for and is it really their fault? Does it keep them up at night and is there any lingering trauma?

The Asunder Incident, he blames his actions for leading him to basically abandon his brother for like fifteen years. But that’s all I’m gonna say as I have plans to talk about his feelings on it further in the actual story.

In what situation would your OC be pushed to commit an act of violence? Would they go as far to kill someone if they had to? How would this affect them and their relationships with others?

Why, I can’t answer this in detail! That’d be giving away the story :3

Ok, maybe I’ll say this: Siv tells himself that he would do anything to get what he wants, of course he would do anything, because if he can’t, well then that just means he’s a pathetic coward who doesn’t deserve happiness anyways. So of course he claims that he will do anything, even killing someone.

What would your OC do if they were given god-like powers or the ability to change anything about the world for a whole day?

Siv would eliminate all shitty parents, maybe also give revive some dead people, and also permanently have a giant neon green tattoo of a dick be on Ligero’s forehead. Assivus would do the first thing, but he might also make everyone who has ever wronged him suffer for a very long time on top of that.

Describe one of your OC’s worst nightmares.

- Oh no, made a ficlet.

The first night he was in the castle, he had a dream.

There was a man, sitting across from him, dressed in glittering gold, with a green sash wrapped across his chest and waist. He was tapping his long nails against a desk, HIS desk, the white and purple quill still in the cup of ink, and blank parchment in front of him.

The man looked very out of place, and that was ignoring the fact that he was a withering corpse.

You’re dashing, aren’t you? The man said, still tapping his fingers. That’s when Siv realized that he was just sitting opposite to him, in the seat where guests were supposed to be. He tried to speak, but couldn’t. He tried to move, but couldn’t. He tried to blink, but didn’t.

He sat there and listened to the man, attentively.

Do you know what you’re doing here, Asunder? the man asked. Asivus didn’t. Do you know why I’ve allowed you here? What you are?

Siv didn’t know, but he couldn’t exactly express as such.

That’s because you don’t need to know. At least for now. The man leaned forward like mist, disappearing as Siv felt something pass through him, he couldn’t turn to look behind him as a delicate hand was on his shoulder. You’ll know things when I want you to know. You’ll say things when I want them to be said. And you will do things when I want them to be done. Because I own you. Err...

The man suddenly stopped to think, leaning on the right arm of Siv’s chair, tapping his bony chin, as if he had made a casual slip of the tongue. Because...you owe me. Yes, that’s the word. I’ve helped you so much Assivus Asunder. Or “will?” “Have?” “Am currently?” Futures and times are a funny thing. I apologize, I’ll have my words sorted out into something more professional and proper in our future.

The man spun around, and suddenly, he was no longer a corpse, but a dashing Gerudo man, dressed brilliantly and handsomely. His eyes were no longer a hollow gold, but green, somehow familiar.

The room was no longer some dinky orator office, but the sanctum of the castle, the apex of the kingdom. The man snapped his head towards him.

Let me ask you something, Assivus Asunder: Would you rather be here?

He gestured to the grand view of the sanctum, the sunset casting striking shades of red, black, and gold across the towering walls.

Or here?

The world spun once again, and they were suddenly on a dark street. The houses of Rauru diced the stone brick pavement. Siv glanced around and saw himself, sitting on the ground. There were two knights, one of them cursing loudly, and the other laying down beside him. There was so much blood and he could feel himself floating closer and—

No. NO. Wait. STOP. PLEASE! He tried to speak, scream, anything. No sound came. He saw a sword, a dark and rich puddle that seemed to even reflect his own face and—

They were suddenly back in the office.

Which is better? What do you prefer, of the two? I’m assuming the former? The man looked at him. I will allow you to nod yes or no to the former.

Siv immediately nodded a yes.

Trick question!The man boomed. Both are fantastic places, environments that you should love and cherish. There is so much good hiding in the places you would least expect, Assivus. I’ll help you remember that.

The world was suddenly nothing. Nothing but black. Just him, in a chair, staring at this smiling, pleasant, scary, red haired man. 

Don’t you want help, Assivus? I think there’s something you want, that you need help attaining? Isn’t there something? There’s no shame in admitting.

Siv thought for a moment, then slowly nodded a yes.

Do you want MY help?

Uhh...Siv wasn’t sure what to make of that.

Perhaps you can do a favor for me?

Fuck no! was Siv’s immediate thought. Who the fuck—First off, I don’t think I really like you, actually, so— 

Oh that’s alright! The man was suddenly very close to his face. Oh shit, could he hear my thoughts? Assivus, you can do whatever you want to do to be happy. I don’t want to force anything from you. He patted his cheek with a very cold hand.

In fact, I’ve now decided you don’t have to do anything for me. I am going to help you, and you don’t need to do anything in return. The man stood back, clasping his hands together. How does that sound?

I... He tried to speak, but remembered he couldn’t even move his lips.

I’m sorry again, Asunder. Here, I’ll allow you to speak now. The man didn’t even wave a hand, but Siv could suddenly feel how hoarse and dry his throat was.

So how about it, Assivus Asunder? I want you to be in charge of your destiny, I want you to be in total control. I would never force anything from you, I will simply be here, by your side, helping here and there, as you...figure it all out. How is that? Does that sound alright?

Siv opened his mouth, but couldn’t decide the words. If I say yes can I go back to sleep? Hella tired...

The man didn’t move, but Siv someone sensed a whisper beckoning somewhere with a “Yes. We’re all tired of many things, aren’t we?”

“O-Ok...” Siv finally said. “Alright, sure. I don’t see why n—”

Before the words were fully out of his mouth, the world suddenly stopped dead, as quick as a snap. He awoke from his bed with a jolt, his heart racing like he had just run a marathon, even though he didn’t find those last moments to be that thrilling or terrifying.

Siv sat for a moment longer, trying to contemplate the dream. But as most dreams are, the memory of it fell out of his grasp like loose sand between his fingers, and soon enough, it was already gone.

He flopped back into bed with a sigh.

Whatever it was, it was probably nothing.

What advice would your OC give to their younger self? What advice does your OC need now?

Already answered in a previous ask c:

[ladymaigrey]

You make such an interesting point about Foggy not being as empathetic as people write him as which is something I've never really considered because I enjoy that aspect of fanon, but now that you've said it, you're absolutely right. That's not to say that Foggy isn't in essence a good person but deep empathy isn't his strong suit. He cares about the people surrounding him but it seems not to the almost aggressive and absorbing way Matt has been shown to. Foggy is average not only in that he isn't flipping across rooftops but also in the battles he chooses to fight and causes he takes on. It's "just call the police" instead of risking everything yourself. It makes me wonder if that originates from their different upbringings and different conditions? I could probably write an essay about it ahahaha 😅

To be fair - deep empathy is not a strong suit for most people. :) I wouldn’t say that Matt is particularly strong in expressing it either (though, I’d argue he is capable of feeling it more - in fact, his powers probably contribute to it).  I think the harder question to answer (not that you asked it :) ) is - what drives Matt and Foggy to do what they do, and how much empathy is a part of it? @ceterisparibus116 and I have tossed this one around several times. I think their differences lie in the sizes of their moral circles - i.e. the people to whom they feel like they have a moral responsibility to care for and treat with justice, be loyal to them, have similar values to them, even to our possible detriment. (See writings of Peter Singer or Simon Laham for a much more particular explanation of this, if you are interested). So, for Foggy - his moral circle is much narrower. He is family oriented. His definition of family, of course, includes not just blood family, but Matt and Karen. So - for them - Foggy will go over and above anything he would do for just random citizen. Foggy’s “drive” for justice actually comes from following Matt, as his family member - he basically adopted Matt’s values not just because he feels they are right (he probably does, but that’s secondary) - but out of loyalty and love for Matt. Which is probably the main reason he was so pissed in Nelson V Murdock: not only dis Matt fail to display the same level of loyalty to Foggy as Foggy did for him, by lying to Foggy for years, but Matt’s values are not what Foggy believes them to be. So, Matt was doubly amoral, in Foggy’s view: Matt was making morally-dubious choices as far as the principle of lawful justice is concerned, AND Matt was disloyal to his family. All of this is not to say that Foggy doesn’t want to help anyone outside his moral circle, but the level of his own detriment (or detriment to those in his moral circle) that he’d put up with is less. For Matt, his moral circle includes the whole city, particularly the victims of injustice (whom he hears on nightly basis).  His is the logic of “I can do something about people’s suffering, therefore it is my responsibility”. Which is why he often disregards the needs of his family (Foggy and Karen), in favour of the more pressing needs of other people. He has a lot more to balance. (Which he can’t, because it’s not humanly possible. Add to that self-loathing, disbelief in being worthy of human affection and acceptance or any regard at all, unless he is Doing Something Worthy + abandonment issues + Catholic Guilt + perfectionistic/neurotic personality - and you get the Matt-with-one-foot-in-depression-pit that we know an love :) ) But, how much is “empathy” a driver/contributor to the actions of Foggy and Matt vis-a-vis those who fall into their moral circles? Well, performance of caring or just acts does not require empathy per se. Sympathy, logic, even self-interest can result in the same acts. I think Foggy is strong on sympathy - i.e. he feels sorry for someone and tries to help them (e.g. Mrs Cardenas). But empathy - to take on someone’s alternative set of views - to understand them and understand their actions - that is uncomfortable for him. Maybe, it’s anxiety-raising. He avoids doing that.

But how much is Matt driven by empathy vs sympathy vs moral sense of justice? Oh boy, I struggle with this one...  There’s a mixture of everything in it. On one hand - his senses make him very aware of what other people feel, which is the primary component of empathy. I think he gets overwhelmed by that - which is where anger (the Devil) comes into that. He fights to stop the injustice both for the sake of restoration of the justice and to not feel other’s pain. Anger - being an instinctual response to threat - has a side-effect of shutting down empathy. It’s sort of the same mechanism that parents get when they get angry at their crying child and yell “Stop crying!” The biological empathic response to crying just hurt the parents, they just want it to end, and aggressively shut it down. At the same time, this cycle of - empathy=hurt=anger - well, it’s not exactly a cycle that reinforces voluntary expressions of empathy. So - I recon, Matt avoids it almost as much as Foggy, except - he can’t avoid it. That’s not how Matt is built, and his senses don’t allow him. Honestly, I think the difference here also lies in their personality types. Foggy is more extraverted. More open to new experiences, he is calmer - he is just more positive. Matt - as I said, more neurotic, introverted, closed-off, angry. Of course, all these traits were definitely reinforced by their family experiences (Foggy felt safer and more loved throughout his childhood - his world was less threatening to him.) But, the, somewhat-paradoxical outcome, though, is that Foggy still protects himself from the hurtful effects of empathy as much (or maybe, even more) than Matt, who has much stronger reasons to do so. And that, I think, is just down to who they are.

Anyway, I wrote an essay! :) And, I welcome your essays on the subject :)

[hellsbovnd]

days gone by.

wc: 1380

focus: rosemund blackthorne (IT KEEPS HAPPENING)

thanks to @ilsabard​ for the title prompt suggestion!! this might not be entirely like, coherent--being written in multiple sessions--but i love writing inner monologues...

[ PDF MIRROR ]

Snowflakes drifted down gently from the sky, the morning sun unable to pierce through the cloudcover. It cast the city of Ishgard in uniform shades of gray. Ishgard often went without the warmth or light of the sun these days---Rosemund didn't make a habit of tracking the weather, but every time the clouds retreated and the sun was allowed to peek out he found himself counting his blessings.

His breath, warm, turned to fog in the air with every exhale, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat as he traded a meandering sort of path through the pillars. His head was killing him---an unfortunate consequence of waking up sober and deciding that he should give his body a break from the wine for at least until the churchbells tolled noon. But with the ache came clarity, the sort that Rosemund found in short supply in his life these days---these gray, troublesome days.

Walking through the streets of Ishgard early enough that hardly anyone else was about, not in armor but in plainclothes, was a bit of a strange feeling. There were guards, of course---Temple and House Knights unlucky enough to pull the straw for the graveyard shift, most of whom were eagerly waiting for the next shift to arrive so that they could go home to their families and then---more like than not---crawl into bed. But there were no merchants, no strolling noblewomen or maids running errands or airship pilots on their way to the landing or short strings of highborn children walking in strict lines, following their tutors to church or on some other sort of outing to get them out of their parents' hair for the day. There was just the breeze, the snow, and the quiet.

And, of course, Rosemund.

Before the Calamity, when the climes of Ishgard were somewhat fairer, Rosemund would often take walks like this to clear his head, just as he'd often spend time out in his mother's old garden. Were it not for the Calamity, it would have been spring now. The flowers would be blooming---it would have been a sight to behold. There were still some blooms these days, of course---now that all of the plants dotting Ishgard's streets had been replaced with varieties hardier to the harsh Coerthan winters. But it was nothing like before.

Nothing was like before.

Nothing would ever be like before.

Not within his lifetime, at least.

His feet carried him often enough to the park situated one layer under the Last Vigil, a tunnel of stone cutting through it to provide a short, easy path between the Tribunal and the Cathedral. The shrubs and grass was bound in rime, turning it from a bright green to a sort of gray-blue color that was just close enough to the rest of the city's scenery to be depressing, but not quite close enough to blend in completely. He took a seat on a bench that had been but recently donated to the park as a show of good will from the noble houses that worked to support the Restoration effort. (It had a plaque denoting who had donated it, but Rosemund didn't bother to give it a second glance.)

He always found himself on the Tribunal side, although the side that faced the Cathedral would doubtlessly have the better view. Although Rosemund neglected to attend mass for the most part these days, the cathedral's architecture and the large, arching windows of stained glass scenes and symbols were among Ishgard's pride and joy. It was a focal point of Ishgardian culture even now that the Dragonsong War was over; while the Church no longer played any role in state affairs and it was marginally more acceptable to criticize the church in light of the lies that were unearthed in the War's final days, it wasn't simple work to change people's way of life.

Most of Ishgard's highborn were still pious, Fury-fearing men and women; most of Ishgard's knights and soldiers were, too. It was easier to stomach the lies when you were the ones who benefitted from them, when you were told that you were born more well-off than others because of some innate quality of being better. Even Rosemund had held that to be true before he found himself turning from the Church's teachings---because if the Church could be wrong about his father, what else could they be wrong about? Would the Fury truly approve of executing an innocent man?

Rosemund still didn't have a proper answer to that question.

He ran his thumb idly over his forearm, where his soul crystal rested, held fast to his skin by tightly-wound bandages. Some sort of soothing gesture, maybe, as the crystal burned into his flesh at the thought of his father---only to subside as his head cleared. He took a breath, let it go. There was no bringing back the dead.

The best he could do, really, was see to it that the dead were remembered. His father---others who had died deaths like him. And, as much as Rosemund hated to admit it---------

He remembered each of his victims. Perhaps not in the way that they would have liked to be remembered, but he he remembered them nonetheless; their crimes, the sight and smell of their blood. They were the truly abhorrent members of Ishgardian society---those who would prey upon the weak---and their deaths were in the name of justice. But even with fifteen years of work leaving his dreams blood-stained, Ishgard never seemed to be getting any cleaner. At most it bought a few moons of the illusion that things had improved before someone else would simply appear to replace whatever monster he'd put to the blade.

His breath left him with a shudder, his hands balling into fists in his pockets. 'Fury, how can you even think like that? This is not work you are supposed to enjoy.'

If Rosemund was being honest with himself, he wasn't sure that the man he was before he'd found his soul crystal (wrapped with care, like a gift, and placed gingerly in his mailbox one faithful summer night, the year he'd turned twenty, for him to find in the morning) would recognize much of who he'd become. Training to become a Temple Knight alongside Lazarus and Zarioux felt like a lifetime ago, and while he was glad that they could pick up from where they left off so easily after so many years apart he couldn't help but wonder if they could see through his facade and see what havoc the years had wrought on who he was fundementally. He woke up some mornings disgusted at his reflection---there was a good reason why he did not keep mirrors around his house anymore.

Back then, Rosemund never would have dreamed of taking another man's life---unless it was in service to another. He never wanted to be a hero like Zarioux. He still didn't want to be a hero, didn't consider himself one; he was nothing more than a judge and jury. He wished that he had his life as well-managed as Lazarus, though if Alaire was to be believed...

'What would I do about it? If what he said was true?'

He let his eyes slip closed, turning his gaze to the heavens. He didn't have the answer to that question either.

Rosemund had ever been the sort of person to take things as they came, only enough foresight put into his crimes that he could continue to carry out judgement on those he deemed evil. Almost all of his actual murders were premeditated well in advance. As appealing as it was, he couldn't let himself succumb to the rage that roiled beneath the surface; there was too much at stake if he------

He gritted his teeth at the thought. If he lost control, he'd already asked Zarioux to put him down. Wasn't that insurance enough?

How he wished he could indulge in the same rose-covered veneer of days gone by that others could. Noblemen and -women could spend bells and bells reminiscing, but what did Rosemund have left? There was nothing in his life that the darkness could not touch.

Perhaps, then, his only option was to look forward.

That'd have to be enough.

[nunaya-business]

Hi, Let’s Talk About Some Controversial Shit Yeah?

So lately people have been telling Horikoshi Kohei to go kill himself, because they’re trying to be a shitty version of Shane Dawson exploring conspiracy theories that have no right to exist. I don’t even know where to fucking start, but since I’m not a YouTuber, but I’m a writer, I decided to ditch my phone for this one, and am currently typing this shit out on my laptop. Yes, that is how pissed I am.

A new decade and a new start to the shittiness that was 2010-2020. More and more people of the LGBTQ started coming out of the dark and trying to accept who they are to the chagrin of assholes who have no business in their lives anyway. I feel like there’s been a lot more racism here than there was from 2000-2010, or maybe that’s just me. I think it’s because people are getting more vocal with their opinions as the earth goes to shit. We are slowly killing it after all. Not only is there more racism, sexism, anti-LGBTQ pricks, and people prejudice against other religions (the prejudice against Muslims is a big one. Poor Muslims, it’ll be okay, Brookie’s on your side), but there are now people who don’t like freedom of speech, or the right to write a story, and people who are just plain pussies because they don’t wike dere wittle feewings huwt 😥. 

I could write for hours about all of those subjects. But since I’m an aspiring writer myself, I picked the right to write. What do I mean by that? I mean the right for an author of any kind to write their story, their way, without these little pussies coming around and being like, “bro can you not mention the Mongols breaking through the Great Wall of China? Yeah, because I’m from a Chinese family and I don’t want to be reminded of my ancestor’s tribulations even though it was 800 years ago. Thanks”. Let me break this shit down like I’m in debate class and my entire University grade depends on me winning this “argument”.

Writing is an art. Duh. People don’t write because they had a good life, I don’t care what anyone says. Writers write because it relieves stress, allows them to get their feelings out in a healthy way, take them away to their own little world in their own special way to escape the hell they’re living through, lets them vent the dark desires and thoughts they may have, and get their opinions out there when they feel like no one listens. Writing is a cure for depression for some people. It’s a healthy kind of drug that doesn’t make someone overdose (unless they’re like me and write’s for hours on end losing sleep and starving themselves just to write an idea down before they forget it). 

People write about what they can’t speak. My mom has this saying “say it forget it, write it regret it”, and in certain contexts that saying is a good moral to have, but that’s not always the case. My mom and I watched the movie “Her” the other day and (spoilers) at the end of the movie, the main character Theodore, who’s a writer, writes a letter to his ex-wife. He writes about how they met, how they grew up together, how they grew to be the best of friends, then lovers, then built a trust they couldn’t replace, and the sorrow he felt when the relationship started crumbling. Joaquin Phoenix did an amazing job lamenting about the character’s past, most likely because he’s been through a lot too, and the character did an astounding job putting his words to paper (or in this case email) and getting out years of stress and sadness so that he can start loving life again.

The point of me describing that scene was to show the impact writing has on some people. It’s the escape they need and sometimes the emotions they feel put into a context where they can explain it all they want without having to waste a breath.

Now, picture if you will, that you’re a writer down on your luck. You have an amazing story to tell and the audience in mind that you want to tell it to, but no one believes in you. They want to alter your story to suit a wider audience, but, you don’t give a shit about appealing to people, you’re telling a story that helped you and may help others too, no matter the money you might lose or recognition you’ll never gain. Imagine that you found a way to both appeal to a wider audience and tell that story you have in your mind’s view. It gets more popular than most media to come out of your country and helps you bring in more than enough money you need to survive. Suddenly people are falling in love with the characters you wrote in more ways than one. People are starting to call it a modern classic and then, you start getting letters from people all around the world telling you how much your writings helped them and that they’re living better lives because they were inspired or motivated by the words you oh so carefully put onto a page, with the art you spent hours, upon days, upon weeks on opening people’s eyes to what they’re capable of.

I may have put some personal shit in that last paragraph, but I was mainly talking about the subject of this... (essay?) Horikoshi Kohei. A man who never gave up because dammit, he had a story to tell and fuck anyone who doesn’t want to hear it. All that matters to real writers is that someone feels special because of the words you put together on a page. Horikoshi puts a lot of time and effort into My Hero Academia, and what does his fans do? They tell him to kill himself because he dared wordplay to get the names of some characters. Y’know it’s funny, I don’t hear a lot of Jews, trans, gay, or Polish people complain about the shit their ancestors went through 70 years ago during the Holocaust like they went through it as well, but I always hear about Korean, Chinese, and Black people (off the top of my head don’t @ me) complain about shit their ancestors went through from 70 all the way back to a thousand years ago. Not to say that everyone in those races do that. because they don’t. I’m sure a majority probably doesn’t give two flying fucks what someone writes as long as they aren’t being personally targeted or threatened. But go on Horikoshi’s Twitter once and tell me that you don’t see hundreds of his followers (mostly Asian) threatening him and criticizing his naming of his characters. If you’re Korean or Chinese and you find issue with the fact that Horikoshi named a mother fucking villain character after a place where your specific race was tortured and experimented on, decades before were even fucking thought of, please tell me why. If you feel personally attacked then you’re... (I don’t wanna use retarded because people will automatically stop reading and DM me about my word choice) doltish. That’s a fancy word for stupid by the way. Maybe if it were one of the heroes named that way then I would completely understand, but it’s not. It’s a fucking villain. 

But hey, what do I know? I’ve never been through shit. I’m just a plain, short and chubby little white girl with a big mouth that’s never been the victim of prejudice or racism. No one’s ever taken a look at me and judged me based on my ancestors or religious choices. No one’s ever made fun of my accent or the color of my skin, or the birth defect that effected my feet and slightly effected my hands. 

Oh by the way, my mom’s a closet Psychopath that wasn’t diagnosed because the rest of the family is too fucking psycho for anyone to notice her torturing animals at a young age. My dad was a Paranoid Schizophrenic with an undiagnosed Psychosis and severe PTSD (diagnosed) that grew up in a home with an abusive father and a mother that was too busy grooming her oldest son (take that how you will) to pay any attention to him. Not to mention she also killed him. It’s not like my dad’s dad was also a psychopath that purposefully killed my unborn brother and laughed when my mom miscarried It’s not like my life was at risk because there was people shooting at my house (where I lived with my grandfather) and I could hear the bullets bouncing off of the trees. It’s not like I was bullied when I was little leading to a brain injury that caused my memory to be fucked up and my speech to slur and stutter. Oh and I definitely didn’t have to start being a second mom to my brother, and an actual mom to my little cousin because my family doesn’t give a fuck how their actions effect others.

I didn’t have the worst life by all means. There’s a lot more people that I know personally that have had it way worse than I have. I’m just saying, don’t take shit so fucking personally. Grow some goddamn balls and stop telling people to go kill themselves because they named a character something you didn’t like. Stop bringing up shit from the past unless people ask about it, or you’re telling you life story. It’s 2020. It’s time to stop being pussies and act like functioning members of society. 

Oh and one last thing. Ya’ll are telling a man to kill himself while the corona virus is spreading like the plague. I think we should be more fucking worried about the fact that humanity could easily be wiped out thanks to the Chinese government silencing a scientist who know about the damn virus a year ago. If anything, we should be targeting them and Trump for being awful, not a poor mangaka that was just word playing with the names of his characters. 

[tessatechaitea]

Teen Titans Spotlight #1: Starfire

Comics in 1986: "Let's begin our new series with Starfire battling Apartheid!" Asshole Fans in 2019: "Comics should go back to the good old days when they weren't political!"

Really, M&M's? Everyone? Haven't you heard about Apartheid?!

So far the craziest thing about this comic book to modern audiences is how boring M&M colors were in 1986. I suspect I don't have the maturity to comment on a story about Apartheid. Oh well! Let's do this! The story is called "Black and White" because, you see, Apartheid was about how whites and blacks experienced two disparate South Africas. It's also a play on how "black and white" is a way to describe issues that have easily recognizable positive and negative sides. It's probably racist that we automatically assume the black side is the negative side. Maybe that also plays into the title! Chess pieces are black and white too so maybe the title alludes to chess. Maybe something about pawns versus the gentry. Marv might even work in some bits about The Beatles seeing as how they're using that zebra crossing on the cover of Abbey Road. Starfire has just returned from Tamaran where she married that dweeby Prince Karras guy. He was Tamaran's version of Terry Long. I'm surprised more panels didn't show Starfire and Donna in the background giggling and holding their index fingers and thumb a teeny, tiny distance apart. Starfire didn't spend eighth grade on Earth so she never learned Earth geography. So instead of flying in from space and looking at Earth and going, "Okay, that's New York right there!", she winds up in South Africa. I bet she came at Earth upside down and got confused. It's easy to get confused in space where up and down don't exist in any objective way. Starfire descends upon a group of black people chanting "Informer" at a woman they eventually soak in gasoline and light on fire. Holy fuck! This comic book just got more real than all 114 issues of New Titans I just recently reread! Except maybe that part where Raven raped Starfire during Starfire's wedding. That was pretty heavy. The white police arrive to commit some justice. Unless I meant "racism" instead of "justice." Sometimes, living in America, it's hard to see the difference.

I bet this guy has a MAGA Twitter account.

How many of your racist family members often bring up black on black crime when discussing gun control or cops shooting unarmed black men? How many of those idiots don't think they're being racist when they bring up that argument and just think they're being logical? It's fucking racism, dudes. Cops killing unarmed black men has nothing to do with black men being killed by criminals who happen to share their same skin color. Nobody ever talks about "white on white" crime. That's just crime perpetuated by criminals against innocent people! But somehow a black person shooting another black person belongs in some kind of special category? Of course a black person is probably going to be the victim of a black criminal because America had this thing called white flight. It caused places to become poor black neighborhoods because white people couldn't handle having even one black neighbor. So people and businesses moved out, local governments ignored infrastructure of those areas (or purposefully simply just built freeways straight through them), and constantly sent the police in to hassle innocent people just trying to live their fucking lives. Systemic racism (and racists!) segregated the races in a fairly efficient manner. So when a black criminal looks for a victim in their neighborhood, of course they're going to almost certainly find a black victim! That's simply crime, not black on black crime. Maybe I would think differently if anybody ever at any time in any of these debates brought up white on white crime. Y'all realize that's the most prevalent crime there is, right? Which means whites are the biggest criminals of all. If you're, you know, going to argue that way, you stupid racist asshole. Plus saying black on black crime is just a way for people to intimate that most crime is caused by black people. "Even though they keep criming us whites, they still have time to crime up their own people!" This comic book taught me that South African police would use purple dye in water cannons to stain people during protests so that they can be identified later as people who participated in the riot that totally didn't erupt later due to the police being overly aggressive and also racist. Wolfman says people "affectionately" called it Purple Rain which led me down a rabbit hole to figure out which came first, the racist ploy to arrest as many people as possible or the Prince album. Apparently the dyed water was named after the Prince album. That's probably why it was an "affectionate" sobriquet.

I'm a little bit worried that Wolfman is about to "both sides" Apartheid.

Starfire winds up with the South African police who tell her all about how terrible South African blacks are and how she's going to get a medal for helping quell the protest. They also call the woman who burned to death a bitch so I'm getting the feeling that they're not really interested in any kind of justice or peace. It's quite possible that — hear me out on this — they just want to oppress the black citizens and make sure they know their place. But I don't want to jump to conclusions! I should wait until I hear their arguments in a frank and logical debate. "Please, white South Africans, explain to me how South Africa needs your violent tactics and racist attitudes to maintain peace and order. Also explain how peace and order aren't different from justice for everybody. I might be convinced to stop calling you racist if you debate well!"

This guy doesn't realize how true it is that he's teaching these black South Africans how to behave.

It would have been easy to read this, at one time, from a privileged position as a citizen of America and think that the white South Africans in this story were caricatures of racist monsters, playing up their terrible qualities to get the reader to sympathize with the plight of the black South Africans. But these caricatures of despicable and horrible systemic racism using tactics to dehumanize a segment of the population are absolute mirrors of Trump and his deplorables. "They're animals." "They're not like us." "They do not think." "They are like children." "They fight amongst themselves." "We are just securing the peace." "This is God's country." "They need to be taught how to behave." "Their flagrant disregard for the law must be stopped." And all of these statements are simply excuses to treat certain people as less than human. "They get what they deserve." I'm so fucking disappointed in so many Americans right now. Starfire is completely confused by everything she's seeing. In her confusion, some journalists get her to sort of say she's for Apartheid. Uh oh! The Teen Titans are going to get worse press than when they destroyed New York City while arguing with their parents about their curfew.

Starfire's response is me on Twitter every fucking day.

The South African leader, Racist McRacisthole, tells Starfire not to worry about the journalists because they're always asking terrible questions and lying about how awful everything is. But Starfire is all, "Just because I have big hair and big tits and my ass is hanging out, don't think I'm a fucking idiot! Not that I'm trying to say people who look like that are idiots! But I know terrible people like you, Mr. Racisthole, think like that! So I just want you to know that I see you! I see what you're doing and how you're trying to snow me with all this fucking dehumanizing garbage! You remind me of the Gordanians!" Then Starfire gets so angry and delivers such a passionate speech that her nose falls off.

"I'b not gobing do libben do yub liebs aby lobber!"

Starfire declares she never cared for politics and tells Governor Racisthole that she's leaving. But instead of going, "Good! Stop interfering with our terrible government!", he says, "I won't let you leave which will probably cause you to stay and help the oppressed!" Starfire hears a prisoner screaming in pain before she leaves and decides to stick around to help him. While doing so, she realizes that maybe she show these government officials real power! No, I don't mean she's going to flash her tits. Jesus. Some of you comic book nerds just don't stop, do you?! Sure, DC panders to your boners by putting Starfire in her underwear. But you do have the choice to stop being such creepy little fucks, you know?

Imagine reading this and instead of thinking, "You tell 'em, Starfire! Way to go!", you think, "Virtue signaler."

Starfire has some more thoughts from 1986 for us here in 2019. She just won't stop!

Virtue signaler!

I swear the rest of this commentary can just be scans of Starfire saying important shit.

I mean, if this 1986 comic book is an example of older comics that Comicsgaters want to go back to, I'm fucking up for that shit.

In the next panel that I'm not going to scan because I'll never finish reading this comic book if I scan every fucking panel, Starfire says, "Unwittingly, my father helped ruin our world by caving in to our enemies rather than fighting for what was right. I won't do that here on Earth. I've got to care." I should probably send that panel to Nancy Pelosi. Starfire frees all of the political prisoners and escorts them back to where they're forced to live outside the city. She tries to figure out what Apartheid means and Father Nelson Mandutu, the rebel leader the police have been searching for, tells her, "Ah, I see — you are trying to make sense of madness." It's as good a reason to dismiss people always pressing you to debate their terrible ideas and worthless topics. How can you win a debate against twisted logic and racist madness? Just ignore them when they call you a coward or an elitist when you refuse to debate. I was always taught that the best way to get shit off of your shoe is to scrape it off, not to get in an argument with it. Starfire follows Mandutu around for the day except for the one moment when he's kidnapped. When she goes to rescue him, she destroys an armory and discovers that Father Mandutu has been killed. BY HER! And there are cameras rolling! Totally not suspicious or anything! I bet we discover she was framed next issue! That's the kind of intelligent speculation you get from a Grandmaster Comic Book Reader like me. I can't be fooled even by the most subtle of plot twists! Teen Titans Spotlight #1: Starfire Rating: A. I should probably apologize to Marv Wolfman for all the insults I've made about his Teen Titans books. This was a well-written infotainment issue putting precisely the right character at the heart of an international travesty. And I thought a story about Apartheid was going to be boring! It's almost as if I forgot that every panel would have tons of side boob! Oh no! I just realized I'm one of those creepy little fucks!

[oppressiveliberator]

What are things Ghetsis likes to do in his spare time? Does he have anything in particular that he really enjoys doing that most wouldn’t know about? (Like. Knitting or some hobby type thing like that.)

Hobbies, huh. . . .

Ghetsis is a very goal-oriented person. Back when he was Plasma Boss and all, he wasn't really one for many hobbies--he certainly enjoyed doing things in his free time now and then, but by the time he'd adopted N, he was putting most of his free time into Plasma and advancing his goals and such.

But like I said, he did enjoy things now and then!

((snip snip unless you’re on mobile in which case as always I am sorry--maybe i should start putting these into multiple posts instead of singular big ones?  lmao

Also brief mentions of I think abuse, Pokémon abuse, torture??  i don’t think there was anything else triggering in there but i’m also too lazy to reread it lmao))

Ghetsis loves to read. He most enjoys nonfiction--true crime, history, religion, culture, Pokémon, human psychology, science, world news; Ghetsis really loves just about anything that can teach him something new. He's all about doing lots and lots of research, too, and he's actually well versed in old languages, too, especially old Unovan. He made a cypher for translating(and even taught Zinzolin how to read it a bit! In fact, Zinzolin is the one who has the Old Unovan linguistic work he's done atm because he can't let go of his boyfriend's old things) But he also likes a good fiction novel--crime, historic, alternate history, adventure, thriller, horror. . .he's picky about fantasy and science fiction and romance, but he'll read them now and then too.

While he's not really that into it, he does watch a lot of TV lately. He has days where he's pretty much immobile, so something he can just lie down and watch is nice to at least keep him from just sleeping all day. His taste in TV and movies is pretty similar to his taste in books. However, he's not much of a TV person and it's more something he just kind of accepts as what he 'has to' do nowadays. Sometimes he just. Doesn't have the energy to turn pages in a book. But entertainment is always better than boredom.

In his current state, Ghetsis doesn't really do much daydreaming or quiet contemplation, because ultimately it leads to a heavy slew of negative thoughts and emotions and makes him feel terrible. But in the past, he spent much of his time thinking about the world, plotting, planning. Lately if he does anything it's daydream or dissociate but. The latter isn't really, y'know, a hobby or something he really wants to do.

Music! Is one of his highest interests!! The Harmonia family is a very musical and artistic one, so he was surrounded by music and taught to sing and play instruments since he was in diapers. He doesn't think of himself as being able to play instruments nowadays. . .even though he still played now and then when he lost most usage of his arm, so long as it obviously didn't really require both hands or a need for both could be worked around. At present he's more into listening to music than anything--and his tastes are far more variant than you'd expect, as he's able to find some enjoyment in most any genre. He's started to sing more lately, too, although since his voice is often poor, he hates to do it and have to hear how terrible he sounds. But after Bede told him not to be discouraged over it and that some practice would surely restore his voice to its former glory, he's been singing to himself a bit more in an attempt to get his vocal chords back in decent condition.

(The unexpected part of this is when you find him singing old pop songs. . . . . . . .)

Ghetsis is, despite being antisocial as far as his personality/mindset/comfort levels, actually quite outgoing and enjoys people's company and talking to them, watching them. He loves social events and crowds and being around people--although he also hates it because, well, everyone is below him and the world around them is usually disgusting. But he quite likes company, especially from interesting and intelligent people, and he's playfully flirtatious too. While he prefers to do the talking and teaching, he's not against listening if somebody catches his attention and, again, Ghetsis has an insatiable desire for knowledge. Oh and socializing doesn't always have to be positive, either! He l o v e s to harass his protags. He likes to disturb people and make them afraid and uncomfortable and upset. He'd probably be an internet troll now and then if he bothered with internet socializing.

(Also, Ghetsis fucks to survive is a hedonist. So having people around means getting laid when he wants to. And how can he say no to being attended to and having his body worshipped and pleasured? To the power that comes with controlling someone else's pleasure, making their whole body respond with a mere touch, sometimes even less?)

As of late he also quite enjoys taking walks when he can--and while he's still beginning to accept it, he has started taking his wheelchair out(though, not in the regular world, only in the magic plane he’s hiding on) if he can't do his own walking and just enjoying the world outside. He. . .misses it.

He actually is very well travelled and he loves travelling, visiting new places, learning new things in person, going on expeditions and to archaeological sites and ruins and historic places. . .! Up until BW he travelled a good amount and enjoyed the bounties and interests his the world had to offer, practical or not. He likes himself a good time and experiences. Of course it lessened when he acquired his kids, especially N. And nowadays he hardly even leaves the house, let alone the region, though with the way his magic hideaway works(rather, doesn't work) he can wind up travelling by accident simply because it isn't stable enough not to move around.

And, of course there's magic. Ghetsis habitually draws little magic circles and things here and there, little spells to store magic or discourage nightmares or encourage remembering things. If he's idly tracing something on a table that's probably why. If he's idly tracing something on a person, that's probably why--in particular, he'd 'bless' N with safety when he went outside, or put magic on him that would ideally 'lock' his mind somewhat so he wasn't influenced by the outside world and had his plans ruined. Ghetsis does rituals every now and then(there used to be some cultish stuff in Team Plasma. . .maybe. . .but rituals aren't necessarily cultish, just like regularly done things) and magical cleanses, protection for his own spaces, charging the crystals and things he has around, and practices little bits of magic here and there just so he knows he can still do it. Now and then he tries to learn or develop new magic, but he's really not in the best condition for good magic usage. It certainly doesn't stop him but, y'know, tries to keep playing with fire to a minimum lest he burn his house down.

Of course, these are mostly things he does at present. . .with the strokes and the weakness in his body and the problems with his cognition and mind in general. . .his options are lessened in his opinion. His depression and lessened will to live make it hard for him to do even those things--let alone some of the things he used to do.

Sports are among the things he'd done in the past--namely basketball(just kinda happens when you're over 6ft tall.) He gave his old ball to N to teach him to play, but back then he could still play, one arm or not. Nowadays he has trouble even sitting up let along standing, running, and he's still accepting that he needs a wheelchair now and then when he can't get around so easily himself, so wheelchair basketball isn't something he'd even consider trying. Playing basketball? Tennis? Hell, any sport? He can't even consider it. He hates watching sports now. Whereas he used to love to do so because he could watch Unovan teams VS other regions and feel proud and cheer for Unova and so on, but now he can't stand it because it makes him think of how he used to be.

One of the things he did a lot up until the end of BWB2W2, was, of course, train his Pokémon, care for them, sometimes even play with them. They needed exercise and enrichment, and keeping them in fighting and killing shape was a high priority, both for enjoyment/entertainment and for the sake of having strong Pokémon. But now his Pokémon are all gone. . .and he resents all Pokémon for it and his hostility towards them all has increased. If anything at present, he takes even greater delight in hurting Pokémon than he had in the past.

Public speaking, debating, evangelizing, convincing people of Plasma's ways, giving and writing speeches was also a hobby he enjoyed. Usually, however, he winged his speeches, simply spoke from his cunning heart. Of course, if he tried to do something like that today. . .well, someone would call interpol and it'd be a whole thing. . .he does talk to himself a even more than he used to now, but it's not the same.

Punishing and teaching Plasma's members and anyone they decided to. . .host for a while, so they could learn the truths and come to know Team Plasma's might and perspective. . .being able to torment captives, seeing the hope leave somebody's eyes, god. He misses power. He misses victims. He misses taking out his frustrations on somebody locked in his dungeons, beating them and spitting on them and showing them how above them he was, torturing them--. . .expressing his power, he never really gets to do it anymore. . . . Harming others. . .even less. . .and what power, authority, strength does he have to at present anyways. . . . .

Training members of Plasma and their Pokémon, using the Pokémon they'd liberated for various behind the scenes work like building the castle, abusing people and Pokémon alike, really he found such bliss in it. Yes, it was something he kept quite quiet about or explained away until Neo Plasma--after all, nobody knew of his plans and intentions until he was defeated--but that didn't mean he didn't enjoy it.

Unexpected things. . .hm. he's pretty adventurous so I'm sure he's tried lots of things, but ultimately discarded them as things to do often for one reason or another. Knitting he can't see himself doing, one hand and all.

When N was younger, he actually took care of the human dolls and toys he gave him, since n mostly cared about the pokémon ones and was neglectful towards the human ones. Which was what was intended! But it irked Ghetsis's sense of perfectionism to see them all messed up, so he'd do their hair and dress them and so on just so they were in order and not a messy pile in the corner.

Ghetsis liked visiting dig sites and such, but he also enjoyed personally going on expeditions now and then too! He'd been planning one to the Abyssal Ruins for some time, but it never came to fruition. . . .

Since he was so well researched and did lots of discovering things himself, he’s written academic papers and things of that nature too.  Spreading his knowledge is always great.

Sciences piqued his interests sometimes, although that may not be a surprise. It's probably even less of a surprise that he was interested in experimentation on people and Pokémon--he was usually eager to let Colress do as he pleased as a result.

OH RIGHT ALSO! COLLECTING STUFF!! In particular things relating to or supposedly relating to legendary and mythical Pokémon and extinct ones too and history/legends and other unique things--stuff like feathers from legendary birds or orbs or gems said to strengthen or summon them and stuff like that. . .! He has a raw keystone, but he's not super aware of what it is since Mega Evos only really have recently come into common knowledge and he wasn’t in Kalos to learn about that in particular at the time, so he just thinks it's a cool kalosian rock with a strong life energy.

Tbh idk about any unexpected hobbies for him. . .tbf i also have like. No hobbies of my own. So this is kind of a hard question for me because doing things in your spare time??? I can't even bring myself to do things when o have to do them! Lmao.

He's abandoned a lot of his hobbies and interests. It kinda comes with being old and disabled and depressed and losing your will to live. He's feeling a bit better as of the start of the blog recent--so he's getting a bit active again, but. . .he's still not used to being "incapable" and it gets between him and doing anything for fun.

But hopefully this answer satisfied! And if not, if you're curious about anything in particular, send another ask my way!!

[romyshq-blog]

hello lovely people! i’m cathy and i’m super excited to be here with my trash bby, slater. she's messy, so i hope she fits in here!  if u need an enemy, messy ex situation or contemptuous ex-friendship connection, look no further than this bish right here. under the cut you can read about her (she’s a hot mess!!!) and visit her pinterest board here if u’d like (her name is usually rachel but i decided to go wildt and change it *sweats nervously because i actually hate change*). 

( MARGARET QUALLEY / CISFEMALE / SHE/HER ). [ ROMY SLATER ] is a [ TWENTY-ONE ] year old [ UNDERGRAD ] student studying [ JOURNALISM ]. they are known for being [ RESILIENT & PERCEPTIVE ], but also being [ CAPRICIOUS & CONTEMPTIBLE ]. if there was a song that described their life, it would be [ ACRYLIC BY FOG LAKE ].

first thing’s first, you should call her slater. in fact, unless you’re in one of her classes where they take attendance, you probably don’t know her real name is romy. she hates her name and has been going by her last name for as long as she can remember. 

she’s from new york. her dad is very demanding and tempered and her mom is carping, cold and judgmental. so she didn’t grow up in a great situation. 

her dad owns a bunch of properties in the city and in new jersey and they’ve made him very wealthy. they’re mostly crap apartments, motels & strip clubs. he has a lot of criminal ties and is pretty much just a creep.

he has a lot of cops, district attorneys, city council members, deputy mayors etc. on his payroll from bribery and/or blackmail stemming from his strip clubs and the dancers and prostitutes who work there. not to mention his mob affiliation. sooo basically he’s teflon. 

slater’s mom is a social climber who won’t leave her husband despite him being….Not Nice™ since she wants to live lavishly. she’s long island trash...very real housewives

her mom is very selfish and refuses to take any responsibility for the way her life choices have fucked up her daughter while also constantly criticizing slater and her behaviors as if slater just…made herself into the person she is today?? and wasn’t molded by her parents and environment, ya know??

anyway, slater’s mom used to pharmacy shop and put slater on drugs to curb her justified behaviors. like having anxiety due to growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive situation. but she also did it to have slater basically labeled as “mentally ill” and on meds to keep her quiet about their family secrets. so slater has always felt like she’s messed up, even as a kid :///

slater still sees her parents occasionally on breaks and holidays and you can expect her to act out in interesting ways after being forced to go home. 

personality; 

sO! if slater had a label or trope or whatever, she’d totally be the anti-heroine. ya know, the girl who does fucked up shit and can be amoral and you want to hate her but she’s also sympathetic in a way and good (deep down). 

warning: she’s a messy girl to be involved with. she’s got this emptiness inside of her. a hollowness. (hint; it’s depression). she uses anything she can to try and fill it up. drinking, drugs, sex. but she’s incredibly selfish & impulsive in her pursuits and ends up hurting people. a lot. and she always hates herself after but then just does it again.

she’s not a sociopath or narcissist in a clinical sense. she’s actually an insecure, self-conscious ball of anxiety but pushes all that down and plays the Cool Girl role. she does things she knows are wrong and can be a manipulative bitch. then it all eventually bubbles over like a pot on a stove, and paired with the guilt she feels, it causes a few public and many private meltdowns. but she's usually always the source of her own interpersonal issues tbh.

like, you can confront her with receipts of shit she’s done and she’ll just nod and stare at the ground and walk away. but then go into the nearest public bathroom and sob and feel so bad. but then??? still?? never??? apologize???? she’s a trip. 

her aesthetic is uncombed hair, scuffed docs, flannels, torn jeans, tshirts from goodwill with moth holes. doesn’t shower or sleep often and chews her fingernails into stubs. like, she almost makes it a point to just look...Bad.

she gets really good grades because she can be very manic and intense. people in her high school used to tell her she had “crazy eyes” when she got like this because she gets very focused, perfectionistic, talks a mile a minute and you can practically see the gears turning in her brain. she works well under extreme stress, which is why most of her papers are typed up the night before their due date on five cups of coffee and a half pack of cigarettes. 

perceptive of others and can be manipulative and a liar to either a. get what she wants or b. hide her transgressions. she was raised by narcissists so....this is what ya get.

she’s complicated. because on one hand, she wants to be a good person but on the other hand, she fucks people over and betrays people a lot. 

i actually have a headcanon of how she lost her core group of high school friends that’s a good insight into her M.O. if you'd like to hear it:

so senior year slater got drunk and slept with her best friend alyssa’s boyfriend. she didn’t do it to be malicious. but she was too selfish, drunk & thinking about herself to care about how fucked up it was. she felt so bad about it but then caved and did it again and they had an affair. slater eventually broke it off, bottled up her guilt, continued the friendship with alyssa.

soon after, alyssa got pregnant by the same boyfriend. slater knew that alyssa’s bf was trash and supported her friend through an abortion.

but THEN, the boyfriend came clean and admitted the affair long after the fact. so alyssa thought slater supported her abortion for selfish gains because SHE wanted her boyfriend and (rightfully) felt betrayed. when in actuality, slater had long since stopped fucking him and only wanted what was best for alyssa when she supported her through the abortion. SO she did a bad thing in the past but still had good intentions. however, the past came back to bite her and she lost everything. don't get me wrong, she's not the victim in this situation. she fucked up. but not in the way her friends thought. so when she held her best friend's hand in the procedure, that came from a real place of love and she thought she was doing the right thing. however, she did do unforgivable things to the friend she loved. like i said, she's complicated because you can't outright say she's a soulless monster but you also can't justify or support her actions. 

YEAH! that’s my messy slater. she can never make it out of a situation as the good guy. she makes mistakes that are unjustifiable but she has a good heart and isn’t a horrible person inside. she doesn’t know why she is the way she is but she hates it tbh. she hates the things she does and the way she feels. but she just!!! keeps!!! fucking people over!!!! like, there’s no sugarcoating it: she’s done some terrible things for awful reasons and never apologized for any of it. but she regrets. she just can’t seem to break the cycle. (she's v much inspired by rachel goldberg from unreal as well as gretchen cutler from you're the worst, mickey dobbs from love, camille preaker from sharp objects and mavis gary from the film young adult!!)

plots;

i’m a HOE for drama, as you can probably tell my my angsty, messy character.

so maybe ex-boyfriends on bad terms or ex-friends. someone slater fucked over n won’t take responsibility for what she did

OR someone who fucked slater over for a change. taste of her own medicine tbh

maybe someone naive and innocent she can corrupt since misery loves company

childhood friends or enemies, family friends, a cousin maybe? characters with criminal connects who maybe know her dad??

fellow journalism majors that hate her for giving journalism a bad name cuz they’re actually dedicated to journalism and integrity n slater sleeps with sources and barely ever shows up or turns things in on time lmao

a professor she’s fucking lol idk 

someone who can see her at her worst. 

someone who’s innocent and good and slater actually tries to protect them, like a sisterly bond

trouble-maker, burnout friends. or toxic friendships

friends with benefits 

[robbyrobinson]

So, Valentine's Day. A day for love and chocolate. A perfect day to discuss yanderes. A yandere is a Japanese stock character which discusses a character who would normally appear loving and affectionate, but they would often take their affection for the person they're attracted to to some brutal and/or devastating lengths. It also goes without saying that while this term is usually applied to females, there are some rare occurrences in which a male can become one. With that being said, let's begin:

My Favorite Yanderes

Monika (Doki Doki Literature Club): As of the beginning of this year, one of my favorite games has been Doki Doki Literature Club! In DDLC, you play as a character who was a childhood friend of a young girl named Sayori. One day, she decides to invite you to join the Literature Club which consists of Sayori (as the vice president), Natsuki, Yuri, and Monika. The game seems to be all lighthearted and fun where your objective is to woo the heart of one of the girls. However, things take a dark turn when at the end of Act I, you learn that each girl has a deep, dark secret. Sayori puts on a facade of happiness in order to build others up when in actuality, she is clinically depressed. Yuri begins to become more and more psychotic, and she is aware of that, but she cannot do anything about it, and Natsuki is abrasive with the heavy implication that she has an abusive dad who hardly feeds her or let alone takes care of her. But that doesn't beat the icing of the cake. That would be Monika. You see, she is the only girl who doesn't have a route with the player despite her popularity, beauty, and her position as the class president. And so, she sets out to do something about that. What makes Monika horrifying is how she is aware that she is a fictional character in a video game, and so she tries to make her advances on you as in not the character you play as, but you the player. She knows when you're playing the game, she knows when you're off it, she even has access to files on your computer. But that doesn't beat what she had done to the girls. As I have stated, each girl has a different character flaw, but because of Monika's tampering with their character files, each girls' negative traits are amplified all so they would be unappealing to you. And if that's not enough, she outright deletes the girls from the game, and rewrites it so that she could be alone with you in the Literature Club room as you both seemingly float in space. As for you, she could care less on whether you're a boy or girl: she doesn't love you, but she loves what you represent. As a character who knows that the world they live in is fictional, she tries to cling onto you because to her, you're the only real thing she can try to form a relationship with. Despite her monstrous actions, if you delete Monika's character file, she realizes how horrible she had been acting, and she erases the entire game. It also turns out that she didn't have the heart to permanently delete the other girls, and she can bring them back. However, once she is out of the game, Sayori takes her place as the class president, and she now realizes the reality of her world. Overall, Monika is a really interesting character from a game that I didn't think much of. The game shows you how depression functions and hoaw each of these girls could be seen as rejects of society who can only express their desires by writing them. But hey, it's just Monika. Just Monika. Just Monika. JUST MONIKA. J U S T M O N I K A. J U S T M O N I K A....

Judge Claude Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame): As I have said: there are some instances where yanderes can be men. In this adaptation of Victor Hugo's famous novel, Frollo is the self-proclaimed Minister of Justice out to exterminate the Gypsy race. With Frollo, he is undoubtedly one of the more complex of the Disney Villains. Unlike other Disney Villains who know that they're evil and revel in it, Frollo legitimately thinks that he is a good person, seeing himself as being so much purer than the common, vulgar, weak licentious crowd while committing actions that are horrible whether it be genocide, murdering a mother and nearly drowning her baby boy, raising said baby and mentally abusing him for twenty years, and trying to burn Paris to the ground all for a woman who is a member of the race that he despises. Oh, yes; he tries to burn Paris to the ground all because of his obsession with Esmeralda. In addition, Frollo has an awesome song called "Hellfire" which he sings about how Esmeralda is driving him to sin and that unless she be his and his alone, he would kill her. The song is up there with "Be Prepared" from The Lion King as being one of my favorite villain songs, though the subject matter behind the song is unnerving and maybe too adult for Disney. In fact, if it wasn't for the insistence of the writers to keep the song, this amazing song most likely wouldn't have made the cut. And when Frollo catches Esmeralda and sentences her to be burned at the stake, he tries to give her one last chance which she refuses.

Yuno Gasai (Future Diary): Yes. The Yandere Queen herself. What's there to be said for her? The fact that she is obsessed with Yukiteru Amano to the point that she commits murders in order to protect him? Or that one time where she orchestrates a plan which leads to his friends getting killed. The only reason as to why she isn't number one is because it'd be too easy.

Shion Sonozaki (Higurashi: When They Cry): Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni was one of my favorite animes. The show revolves around a boy named Keiichi Maebara who moves into a small village known as Hinamizawa. Things seem all find and dandy, until he becomes suspicious of his friends. He learns that every year on the Cotton Drifting Festival, one person gets murdered whilst another person goes missing. And then it seems that the characters are reliving events over and over again even if they were to die horribly one day and everything resets. Think of it as Groundhog Day but written by a horror writer. The resident yandere in this show is named Shion. Shion is the twin sister of Mion Sonozaki, the Sonozaki family being one of the more noted families of the village. Shion ends up meeting a boy named Satoshi Houjo. Now, the issue being that the Houjo family were supporters of a Dam project...basically where Hinamizawa itself would be flooded. As such Satoshi and his little sister Satoko are distrusted by the community. Eventually, Satoshi seemingly disappers, and Shion takes it upon herself to look after his sister. However, she kind of goes off the deep end by killing her grandparents, imprisoning her twin sister, and stabbing Satoko to death while she is on a cross. Yeah, the Sonozaki family has a torture room. Shion is really one of the main reasons as to why this series was notorious for its horror elements, but she also has her reasons for what she does such as being mistreated by her family, and being forced to have three of her finger nails ripped off by a torture device. That, and she actually is under the influence of a disease known as the Hinamizawa Syndrome which gives its victims paranoia, insanity, and often leads to them acting out extremely through murder, or by committing suicide by clawing their throats out. And you could say that she gets better at the end, so there's that.

Yandere Chan (Yandere Simulator): This one is more based on the yandere character type. Yandere Chan couldn't feel any emotions until she laid her eyes on Senpai, so now she has to keep others from between her and Senpai so that she could get Senpai to notice her. I don't know if this game is finished yet which is why I was initially going to keep her off the list, but it wouldn't feel complete without a slight mention of her.

Akane Hiyama (Love Tyrant): this one is from an anime I watched last year. In it, the show revolves around a young ,man named Seiji Aino who finds himself looped into circumstances between him and a cupid named Guri. As a cupid, Guri must write names into a book known as a Kiss Note (ha). Anyone's names who are written into it are automatically bonded for life. Akane is a girl that Seiji has feelings for, but he was unable to figure out how to tell her. So Guri suggests that he go kiss her. But then Akane comes to the conclusion that Seiji and Guri were dating, and produces two knives with the clear intention of killing them both. She goes onto explain that she knew how Seiji felt about her, but was heartbroken because he never told. Despite Aino's apology, Akane still tries to murder him, but this ends with her accidentally kissing Seiji. And the two get their names written in the Kiss Note...only for Guri to write her name into it as well. This leads to Akane stabbing Aino repeatedly with the knives, but it's revealed that because Guri is included in the relationship, the two are immortal. It still hurts, though.

Helga Pataki (Hey Arnold): Really more of a mixture with this and Tsundere, but Helga does have her moments. For one, there's the shrine that she made of Arnold which is borderline disturbing. She writes poems about Arnold, she actually tries to sabotage most of his attempts at going further with his crushes namely Ruth and Lila, and if the Jungle Movie is any indication, she had secretly recorded nearly all of Arnold's best moments which raises questions now that I think of it.

Alex Forrest (Fatal Attraction): Two words: "bunny-boiler."

Annie Wilkes (Misery): One of the better adaptations of a Stephen King book. While initially seeming to be friendly, Annie is actually a psychotic woman who keeps Paul hostage after finding out he was intending to kill off her favorite character. To that end, she forces him to revise the ending, murders a sheriff when he arrived to the cottage, and in the most messed up scene of the movie, Annie breaks both of Paul's legs to keep him from leaving. At least that's relatively better than what she did in the movie.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 13x11 “Breakdown”

(not what I expected!! which is a good thing)

04:00pm

soooo i’m pretty sure this episode is about cannibalism and that’s among my top squicks so i’m likely to watch this with my eyes closed and my headphones pulled out

just a heads up

i’m leaving my curtain open with all the blazing summer daylight, and i got basic quality video rather than 720p because the less i see of this the better

i’m essentially just here for donna tbh

-

04:04

i forgot how homoerotic the dean!vampire thing was

-

04:04

opening scene with the sound of screaming and a bonesaw and i’m already watching with this window halfway in front of the video one

who needs full screen when you can watch tiny things instead

-

04:06

ah this must be donna’s sis--

WAIT NOPE 

stolen card i guess

(edit: did this ever get explained? why did she have donna’s ID card??)

-

04:07

look this situation is legit terrifying

too fucking real

monsters aren’t scary, people are scary

-

04:09

ah, dean does indeed make pancakes

i’ve written that so many times in my fics but i don’t think he ever did it in canon before

-

04:10

oh a neice

-

04:13

dean: “the victim... she’s my cousin”

sweet

like in terms of family members to assign the niece to, that’s a nice one. kind of makes donna his.... sister?? aunt?? (my brain cannot family tree maths though so i’m a wee bit tangled)

-

04:19

someone tell me how dean knows so much about truckers

and knows how to talk on their radios so effortlessly

how many truck stops has he... yknow... stopped in

-

“67... midnight rider”

sexy

(edit: frick now i wanna use this for a fic idea i’ve had for years, based on a russian folk tale, except this moniker would put dean as the character i was gonna use for cas)

(actually wait no, that works, ‘cause cas is the sunshine anyway)

(also no promises because i have like 34 other things to work on rn, mostly offline)

-

04:25

dean dressed as a trucker... weirdly good look for him

-

04:34

oh man this “everyone online loves to see people being tortured live” thing is such a weird niche trope that somehow keeps coming up??

it was in “almost human” and also... “castle” maybe? i’ve definitely seen it at least twice

-

04:35

urhg god this is so bleh ksflkdg

-

04:36

MUSTACHE GUY HITS THE DUDE AROUND THE HEAD

OMG. THIS GUY. I kind of dig him a lot

-

04:37

dean: “takeout for monsters”

OKAY GOOD NOT CANNIBALISM THEn

somehow that’s way easier for me to deal with

-

04:39

also i’m watching full-screen again, but when i pause to type i have the tumblr post open in a half-screen window. this works better for me that switching tabs entirely, idk why i never thought of this before

-

04:43

(fbi guy shows up and sam’s like !!! “why are you here”)

i mean, the obvious thing is that the fbi guy is the bad guy

idk if that’s just a writer’s trick or whether it’s a totally overdone trope

(i.e. he spends 12 years “hunting” the monster, just to cover up the fact the monster is him)

but there’s nobody else who fits the profile right now, because the asshole kid is WAY too obvious, and he wouldn’t have given them the website link if it was him

unless it’s the trucker lady who dean met at the diner, given there’s basically no other characters and this is essentially a whodunit

(i don’t want it to be her though)

i’ve watched too many whodunits and i’m 99% sure it’s gonna be the fbi guy

-

04:49

then again, how would the fbi guy get changed so quick

no maybe it’s not him

like i said, i’ve seen too many whodunits and this episode fit the profile up until now

(as in, the bad guy is always someone you’ve seen before and probably didn’t suspect, rather than a random new person)

(which honestly makes guessing the bad guy really easy on a show like “castle” because it’s always the secretary that comes in to ask the main suspect to sign something, or the boyfriend who got in a one-liner and then was never seen again for the rest of the episode, unlike literally every other character with a speaking role, who the audience is made to suspect at some point)

-

04:51

WAIT NO FBI GUY HIT SAM I WAS RIGHT

-

04:58

you know the writing is good when even the bad guy has a motive that sounds perfectly sane and reasonable

everyone’s the hero of their own story and quite frankly he’s doing a pretty decent job...... kidnapping and violent, painful murder aside

-

05:01

oh come on, fbi guy is way too recognisable like that, with the pig mask and nothing else

how he’s gonna explain that to the other fbi people

-

05:02

although to be fair, the whole “i’m feeding the everyday monster masses” shtick isn’t even accurate since these auctions are pretty pricey for a single meal

AND WHAT ABOUT SHIPPING

gotta ship a tiny freezer cross-country??? excuse you

so do monsters need to eat way less than humans (e.g. 1 meal a week rather than ~3 meals a day) or what??

because i mean

if they needed blood i feel like there’d be a lot of it at, like, a chicken farm or something

-

05:06

i like that lil whistle dean does to tell donna which way he’s going

-

05:08

doug: “fine? i was a vampire???”

oh my god i love him what a sweetheart

-

05:10

a thought: so donna’s been hunting vampires for quite a while, the winchesters know that, and yet only TODAY she gets informed there’s a reverse potion thing?? *squints*

-

05:12

me: *makes accidental out-loud noise of sympathy when donna goes :(*

-

05:14

sam: “it ends bad”

..........oh dear :c

--

well that was way less gory and terrifying than i expected at the start, which i’m glad about !!

but also dark and depressing in a way

hm

i mean, 9/10 for story, but 5/10 for enjoyment tbh

good but not my thing

i like how we never saw the face of the faceless guy. that gave more weight to the fbi guy being the worse one

also i’m curious whether the “person assigned to hunt the baddie is secretly the baddie” trope is actually overused, or whether i just think that because i used it myself once? i feel like it would’ve had more impact if i wasn’t a writer myself

YAY DONNA, but sad donna :c :c :c

she needs some of dean’s breakfast pancakes and lots of hugs

(has donna ever met cas? i forget. i feel like that particular beam of sunlight would cheer her up a bit)

[well-hidden-hot-mess]

early morning thoughts

So it’s 6:30am and I just finished my daily meditation/hypnosis and wanted to type out my reflections vs. hand writing them because thanks to vyvanse, my brain is moving way too fast for me to be able to get it all out fast enough and don’t want to miss anything. Today’s meditation/hypnosis was about regaining the confidence we are born with and lost along the way in life. It had us go back to a memory in our childhood where we feel that confidence was lost and another one where we felt on top of the world confident which our brains will automatically pick the best memories for us for both of those scenarios. I’m not sure if this was 100% accurate for me since I was definitely not fully hypnotized thanks to waiting to long to start and vyvanse kicking in much faster than usual (normally I’d be over the moon about that but the timing just wasn’t the best for me to get the most out of that session but oh well - they say to listen to it every day for 21 days to get the max benefits so I have at least another 20 tries to get it “right” so I’m not too worried, especially since I’m just getting back into the practice of meditation and am a bit rusty to begin with) but my confidence lost memory wasn’t super vivid of the actual event but it brought me back to JJMS in the main stairwell where all the classrooms are and just stuck there but the memory was when some “friend” who I can’t remember for the life of me told Will R that I had a crush on him (let’s face it, I was beyond obsessed to the point where I’m shocked we don’t have our own episode on Investigation Discovery for being stalked or something. it was that bad) and he basically went ew and flat out rejected me. Not even to my face but told my friend who told me and that just crushed me. The sad part was when it was time to pick a moment in childhood where I felt super confident and on top of the world, I had a hard time picking one... I know it’s mainly due to lyme in one of 2 ways - either 1. its because my memory is shit and I don’t remember a lot of the good times because when there’s so little storage space and my brain holds onto bad memories to help protect me from repeating them in the future, the good ones don’t always stay and/or 2. I was sick for most of my childhood and didn’t realize it so I feel like there was always just a cloud over me or there was like a blurred/black and white filter over my life and where having intense feelings was too much energy for me because I was fighting off the illness I didn’t know I had. But I ended up going with basically the beginning of my time working at EQX (only stuff related to there, not the shit show that was my dating life) where I was MOD or just generally crushing it and was the go to person and knew everything and loved my coworkers and the members loved me plus I was doing GF classes a lot and just getting into strength training and making all sorts of progress in a short amount of time and felt lean and strong and was hitting PRs left and right and god do I miss that feeling. Not necessarily just at that gym or anything but just feeling strong and pushing my body and not having to be so worried that I’m going to overheat and cause a migraine because it doesn’t take a lot to do that and I just miss being able to do so much more and having the drive and being confident that I was capable of lifting that extra weight or whatever it was whereas now I have that cloud over me again where I’ll start to get all fired up and into it and then my body is like uhh chill out and these problems start and I feel like I get knocked off my pedestal in my own brain and am reminded that I’m not some superhuman strength having god but just a weak, sick person. It’s so beyond frustrating to me and that’s literally the theme of my life right now. I have all of this drive and desire to be crushing it in everything I do but it feels like there’s something physically holding me back and imprisoning me and I can’t break free and the most frustrating part is that it’s things that are out of my control. Whether it’s my sick brain and all the issues with anxiety/depression/disordered eating or my actual body that can’t perform the way I want to in the gym or just have enough energy to get through the day or even leave my bed without such a strong medication, it’s just so fucking hard. Like having 1/2 my mother’s DNA aka her drive and type A-ness and all that plus my father’s drive and sicilian stubbornness but being stuck in a body that can’t even begin to keep up and is dragging me down is just so frustrating. The worst part is it’s not something I’m consciously doing or am just lazy or something that I’m not doing that could fix this, no it’s all things that are pretty out of my control and it feels like it’s not because of me if that makes sense and i’m just forced to be a victim of these issues that are not any part my fault or something I can just decide to stop doing and be fine. Plus now being jobless and almost 30, it’s a lot harder to convince myself that I’m still so young and it’s okay to not have life figured out yet and blah blah blah vs. when I was 18-21 years old aka back in that time of the memory at EQX. Like I want a career, I want to have a family of my own and I feel like the clock’s ticking on that and stressing me out but I also refuse to settle for less than like head over heels/soulmates/like the kind of love that you can just feel when you see two people together kinda love and again, I’m not getting any younger and 1. I want to have my own children aka not adopt or have a surrogate and I don’t want it to be too late in that aspect by the time I find someone and 2. I’m already so exhausted now and as I get older it’s not going to get any better unless they magically come up with a cure for lyme but i’m not holding my breath so like I can’t imagine me in 10 years running after a toddler... and I want to be the best mom I can be and I don’t feel like I can do that if i’m just barely survivng life and tired all the time mentally and physically and that’s just not fair to my future husband or child. I know I’m stressing over things that aren’t happening now or anytime soon because I’m not even like talking to any guys but it’s hard not to think about when I had a taste of “love” recently and remembered how amazing it felt and how much I miss having that intimate relationship in my life and ugh. That’s a topic for another day because I don’t want to 1. spend the rest of my day typing away and 2. I don’t want to start my day by getting that far into my feels and then being sad all day. Idk there’s just a lot going on in my brain right now and I don’t really know how to process all of it right now and I’m at a low that I haven’t been at since the whole Corey saga and I know it’ll get better and there’s amazing things coming my way, like I truly 1000000% believe that but right now i’m still stuck and it just sucks and I hate it. I’m hoping that getting back into meditation and journalling will help me start to work out some of this shitstorm and bring me peace with it all. Plus I am going to start seeing a therapist (which I’m exhausted already just thinking about starting that search) which I’m sure will be a huge help and yeah. Good things are coming, I just have to get through this shit first. Like I know there’s the quote or whatever about “i’m going to make you happy, but i’m going to make you strong first” or whatever... but like okay universe/god/whoever’s listening, I feel like I’ve been through enough character/strength building things in my life to where I promise I will truly appreciate being happy and proud of myself for making it through all of that shit so like enough’s enough. It’s my time to be happy and at peace so if you could talk to my brain and both of you sort your shit out and get with the program and make me happy damnit, that would be great. k thanks. 

Okay that’s enough rambling for today. Time to get up, take my progress pictures and weigh in, drink my supplement drink thing and some water, plan my day, maybe go for a really early walk and then do leg day later, maybe I’ll even go to QNTM to train legs... we shall see how I feel later. 

[skybournerp]

Congratulations Cait, and welcome to Skybourne University! You’ve been accepted as your original character Dami Shah. We loved reading about how Dami came in to her powers. Be sure to set up your main account within 24 hours and sent it to us with the ask box open so we can send you a link to the OOC blog. Also be sure to do everything on the new member checklist.

OOC INFORMATION

nickname: Cait

time zone: EST

age: 25

pronouns: She/Her

contact: removed

password: removed

how did you find us?: Divine Intervention

do you have any triggers that need tagged?: removed

Sample Para

Dami sat in front of her computer screen. It was not the most exciting of circumstances in which she’d found herself. Some small and unacknowledged part of her felt thankful that she’d managed to land herself in such a simple place on such an empty day, but the rest of her was as bored as the two hands that hovered over untapped keys in front of a tauntingly blank word document. After what felt like a lifetime of nothing, Dami closed her laptop and stood from her place. There was far too much snow outside for her to spend the day inside making zero progress on the project that wasn’t even due until January. Sure, she was pages behind on her schedule, but she’d make it up at some point.

Grabbing her thickest coat, Dami rushed from Milford Hall into the snow with a grin plastered on her face. In no time snow was threaded through her hair and she was engaged in an epic snow battle with a large group of other sophomores. An hour in to their snowy shenanigans, Dami yawned. It should have been a clue to rest, but she rarely paid attention to the clues where there was fun to be had. Instead, she continued to pack snow balls while ducking behind a bench. She stood just in time to see her friend get pelted in the face with a ball of snow. The sight caused laughter to erupt from her lungs, only to stop when her legs became noodles beneath her and the cold of the snow on her face. She could hear her friends continuing their war with a few added laughs around her before one knelt beside her. They knew by that point not to make a huge deal of the cataplexy unless they wanted to risk the wrath of Dami, chewing them out in their dreams. Once able to move again, she let them pull her to her feet with a grin.

After brushing herself off, Dami felt it would be best to take a nap before going ragdoll in front of anyone else. She’d never minded attention when she was goofing around, but preferred to avoid the sympathetic brand of attention. Once back in her pillow and blanket covered room, she flopped down in a mass of comfort until her brain quickly conceded to sleep. Eyes opening once more on the other side of REM, Dami found herself walking down a long and luminescent hallway. All around her were oddly shaped doors of various shapes and colors. She new that each led to the dream of someone else either in Skybourne or elsewhere and that once she stepped through the door, there was no guarantee that she would not regret what she saw. After only a few moments, she stepped forward, feeling drawn to a particular door.

Once inside, she could not help but smirk at the sight of her friend standing in the middle of the room, causing a piano to hover above his head. A brow perked as what sounded like some sort of theme music played and he thrust the piano into the air, an image of an entire city coming into view. The piano hit a giant lizard that seemed to be terrorizing the town. She remained unnoticed in his superhero fantasy until a laugh burst forth from her lips, this time without incident. Varun turned to see her, concern clear on his features until the glossy-eyed look faded and realization dawned on him that he was only dreaming. Dami took the opportunity to dream up a Scarlet O’Hara-esque look for herself, complete with a silk hand fan. “Oh, don’t stop on my account. Would you like me to play Damsel, so you can save me from Godzilla?”

—

“Forgive me if I sleep until I wake up.”

A B O U T

Name: Dami Remone Shah Nickname: Damsel, Sleepy Age: Nineteen Date & Place of Birth: January 25th, 1998 & Houston, TX Sexuality: Pansexual Pronouns: She/Her Faceclaim: Liza Koshy

M O R E

Major & Minor: Creative Writing & Psychology Classification: Sophomore Occupation: Student & Librarian (if not possible for a student, maybe a library clerk?) Rank: Hero Support Power: Dream Walking Limitations: Dami can only enter dreams if she is asleep, leaving her body vulnerable. She can only enter the dreams of those within a certain proximity to her or those with which she has established some sort of connection. Once Dami is in someone’s dream, she is subject to the events that occur in that dream. If Dami is in someone’s dream when they wake up, she might experience sleep paralysis involving the person’s dream until she is able to wake up. Status: TAKEN

P E R S O N A L I T Y

+ confident, spontaneous, engaging - impulsive, sarcastic, impatient

B I O G R A P H Y

The Shah family was seen as one of reputable status in their community. Amelia Shah worked as a state prosecutor, specializing in cases against those with abilities who committed crimes while Amar Shah was a member of the Texas House of Representatives. Being in such high standing within their community, the Shah’s kept a strict and scheduled environment for their only daughter, Dami. Such treatment left Dami with an amicably rebellious nature. She often pushed just past the limits set for her and developed an outgoing personality despite the sheltered lifestyle that her parents intended for her.

When Dami started to show troubling symptoms of lethargy, daytime sleepiness, and insomnia during the night at the age of seven, it was not seen as something of immediate concern. Her parents and teachers deemed her lazy and doctors believed that she could be depressed which contradicted her hopeful and bubbly personality. She did not find lack of interest in her favorite activities, but rather had a hard time staying awake when participating in the things she enjoyed. No one saw any real reason for concern until, at the age of 13, she began to experience sudden loss of voluntary muscle tone when laughing or feeling strong emotions such as anger or anxiety.

Finally, Dami was able to see a specialist and, much to the dismay of her parents, she was diagnosed with narcolepsy type 1. In response to the diagnosis, her parents wanted her to quit all of her extracurricular activities to reduce the chance of any “incidents”. They tried to remove any ounce of excitement from her life, but Dami fought against their efforts. She was determined to live her life to the fullest despite her limitations. Unfortunately, her adrenaline-seeking exploits led to her becoming a victim of a small-time villain by the name of Foe Hawk who had escaped prison after losing a case to Dami’s mother. With her condition, Dami hardly stood a chance against him.

The news of her capture spread quickly, bringing fame to Foe Hawk and prompting other small-time villains to follow his lead. In no time, Dami’s parents hired private security to watch Dami at all hours. Her efforts lessened the frequency of Dami’s abductions. Up to that point, the villains had been inept amateurs trying to make a name for themselves, but the added challenge brought on a more serious contender with a personal vendetta against Amelia Shah. While her mother was in the midst of one of the biggest cases of state versus powered persons in the history of Texas, Dami was kidnapped by one of the more infamous villains in the area. He held her in a nuclear waste disposal facility where she was exposed to radioactive sludge.

The rescue that followed the incident proved to be one of the more dramatic rescues during her tenure as a damsel in distress. Dami awoke after the ordeal in the hospital but found that no one could quite see her. She soon realized that she was stuck in a dream. As usual, the dream was lucid, but she found that things looked a bit different. When she approached another sleeping patient, she found herself thrust into their dream. Over time, Dami learned how to communicate with others in their dreams and even learned to create within the dreams of others. She had a long way to go, but knew that there were many things she could learn from her new abilities.

Dream walking gave her an entire new lease on life that she didn’t have before. She no longer feared falling asleep, but was able to accept the power that her sleep gave her. Simone Burke, a friend of Dami’s parents, suggested Skybourne where Dami could develop her abilities in a safe environment and Dami jumped on the opportunity at new found independence in a heartbeat. She often doubts her value as hero support, but believes there is some place for her among the others at Skybourne. That is, if she can stay awake during her classes.

F A M I L Y

Amelia Shah (mother - alive) Amar Shah (father - alive)

C O N N E C T I O N S

Simone Burke: Simone is a family friend of the Shah’s and was the one who suggested Dami attend Skybourne to learn and develop her power.

Chantelle Dominiquez: The two have bonded over the high statues of their over-protective parents and the various ways they’ve rebelled over the years.

Varun Kapoor: Dami often feels out of place among her peers who were born into powered families, but quickly bonded with Varun over the origins of both of their abilities.

[chaoticremedy]

Dear Loved One

This letter was found by my community, we believe it was originally posted regarding fibro, however over the years it’s been modified by EDSers - and I modified it personally to fit me…

  Dear Loved one,

Having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, the Vascular type in my case, means that many things change. Just because you can't see the changes doesn't mean they aren't real.

Most people don't understand much about this disability/disease and its effects, and of those that think they know many are actually misinformed. In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand…

  ... These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me...

I am scared. I don't know what the future holds for me. Will I end up in a wheelchair or will I be one of the lucky ones. If you find me being quiet and reflective, please don't think I am upset with you. I am trying to sort out my fears. Having the vascular type can be even more severe than other EDS types - My veins can tear and burst, and organs can rupture at any time - this is my new reality.

I am angry. EDS has taken so much away from me. I can no longer do many of things I enjoy doing. I sometimes have difficulty just completing simple tasks. If I appear angry please understand it is EDS I am angry with, not you. A cough caused me to tear an artery, I’ve been forced to turn into a hypochondriac, I’m angry at my body, not you.  I am blessed to have an amazing support system, but that doesn’t help the anger. I’m angry with every drastic pain I have to go to the ER to make sure it’s not vascular.

Please understand that having EDS doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day being very careful about what I do, and if you visit I might not seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me stuck inside this body. I still worry about school, work and my family and friends etc, and most of the time I'd still like to hear you talk about yours too.

Please don't assume you know what is best for me. EDS has affected my joints, veins, organs, and such, not my mind. I am capable of making my own decisions. If I make the wrong decision, it is I who has to deal with the consequences. I still want to be part of the "gang." Please continue to invite me to participate in activities. I'll decide if I am capable of it. You may think you are being considerate by not inviting me to go ice-skating with everyone else, but it hurts when you exclude me. Maybe I can't skate with everyone else but I can bring the hot chocolate and watch.

Please don't tell me you know how I feel. You don't. Don't offer me sympathy; I don't want your pity. But do offer me support and understanding, which I appreciate. I know sometimes I look perfectly healthy, but looks can be deceiving. Please understand that I am dealing with invisible pain and a lot of fatigue. Even on a good day I feel like you do when you have the flu (tired, achy and sore). Please keep that in mind.

Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years (EDS is genetic, this means I have had it since birth (even if I was only diagnosed recently, I have been suffering from this since I was born)). I can't be miserable all the time, in fact I work hard at not being miserable. So if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. That's all. I may be tired. I may be in pain. I may be sicker than ever. Please, don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!" I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome to.

Please don't tell me how “Auntie Mary” cured her joint problems by drinking vinegar or any other supposed remedy. If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don't. It's not because I don't appreciate the thought; and it's not because I don't want to get well. It's because at first I tried them all, but then I realized that I was using up so much energy trying things that I was making myself sicker, not better. There is NO cure for EDS (and until they find the exact genes causing it and technology and medicine get to a point where something can be done about this, there will be no cure), only some of my symptoms and pain can be treated. If there was something that helped, then myself and other suffers would know about it (this is part of the reason I am a member of the online communities I am a member of). This is not a drug-company conspiracy, there is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with similar and different chronic illnesses and disabilities, and if something worked we would know about it. If after reading this, you still want to suggest a cure, then do it if you must. Preferably in writing and accompanied by the scientific papers that prove it works. But don't expect me to rush out and try it. I might not even reply. If I haven't had it or something like it suggested before, and it sounds reasonable, I'll probably take what you said and discuss it with my doctor.

I want you to know that the pain and instability etc from EDS moves around. Please don't attack me when I'm worse by saying, “But you did it before!”. If you want me to do something, ask if I can and I'll tell you. Just because I climbed the stairs yesterday (or an hour ago) doesn't mean I can do it today (or in another hour). Yesterday (or earlier) my shoulder was throbbing; today (now) it is my knee, who knows what it will be tomorrow (or later). Also understand that being able to stand up for five minutes, doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand up for ten minutes, or an hour. It's quite likely that doing those five minutes has exhausted my resources and I'll need to recover - imagine an athlete after a race. They couldn't repeat that feat right away either. Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, "sitting up", "walking", "thinking", "being sociable" and so on ... it applies to EVERYTHING that I do.

Similarly, EDS and the symptoms of it may vary suddenly, meaning I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute, if this happens please do not take it personally.

Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me worse. EDS may cause a secondary/reactive depression (wouldn't you get depressed occasionally if you had a body that could change suddenly for no reason, caused you pain 24/7 and could spontaneously rearrange itself through no fault of you own) but they are not caused by depression. Telling me that I need some fresh air and exercise is not correct and probably not appreciated - if I could possibly do it then, I would.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/take these pills now, that I do have to do it right now - it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm doing something else more exciting. EDS does not forgive its victims easily.

Please understand that I can't spend all of my energy trying to get well from EDS it is incurable (and genetic, so unless I can change my gene’s I cannot change my disease/disorder). With a short-term illness like the flu, you can afford to put life on hold for a week or two while you get well. But an important part of having a chronic illness or disability like EDS is coming to the realization that you have to spend energy on having a life while you're sick/disabled. This doesn't mean I'm not trying to get better. It doesn't mean I've given up. It's just how life is when you're dealing with EDS or any chronic illness/disability.

As you can see EDS really Sucks...

Finally, please remember that I am the same person I was before I was diagnosed with (started getting symptoms of) this; EDS doesn't change the heart and soul. I still laugh, I still cry. I still love and I still hate. I am me, I am not my disease. Please continue to love me just as you did before. I need lots of love, understanding, support and hugs, just like you.

But most importantly, I need you to understand me....

  And an added note: Please ask me questions if you want to know. I want more people to know about and understand EDS,  I’ll never turn you down or ignore you, EDS is a rare disease that many don’t know about - I’m happy to share my knowledge and experiences with you.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

that feeling when you’re getting afraid of leaving this house.

because you saw the way that the woman who abused you for 13 years got frustrated and her tone changed dramatically when she was holding your crying 6-month old niece, and you don’t know how to tell your sister that “I’m seriously concerned for her, she yelled at her. That’s not okay. She yelled at your baby to stop, before she can even comprehend words, as if getting frustrated at her is going to make the hungry baby stop crying.”

i may not be good with babies, but i know that voice from my stepmother and i hate that voice and i hate that she used it on an INFANT, when she was CRYING because she wanted FOOD, but what the fuck am i supposed to do about it?

my sister has been there when my stepmother abused me (yelled at me, shouted names, shouted put-downs, degraded me, degraded my struggles, accused me of all sorts of things, SCREAMED at me when I dared to defend myself)...

...And yes, the fact that I wouldn’t stand there and LET her shout these things at me without defending myself only fanned her flame. And then she would do the TEXTBOOK ABUSER thing of “Well if you didn’t talk back to me, I wouldn’t yell at you.”

Yeah, because telling you you’re wrong about me is talking back? Instead of letting you vent and accuse me of all these things? Having the strength to not lie down and take her abuse is “talking back”???

And I think, because I didn’t just TAKE it (even if I internalized a lot of the bullshit she spewed at me and even if I struggle with conflict and self-worth and confidence and basic conversation because my subconscious always remembers what she said in my formative years)...

...I think everyone else in the family blames the things she’d do to me (yelling, name-calling, using me as an emotional punching bag) on the fact that I “talked back”, and “had an attitude”. Victim blaming their own family member, and I can’t make them understand how the things she did to me were WRONG.

because she was upset and frustrated, so that JUSTIFIES it???

NO! NOTHING justifies abuse, I don’t care HOW upset and frustrated and tired and anxious and sad and angry and DISAPPOINTED you are! 

NOTHING JUSTIFIES ABUSE.

But my family doesn’t see it that way. Doesn’t see how what she’s done to me CRIPPLED me for life. They didn’t see the way I broke down in my mother’s arms when she criticized the way I cleaned the kitchen, because I didn’t know HOW because my stepmother never taught me, only yelled at me that I did it wrong. And I was anticipating the same exact thing from her and it terrified me to paralysis.

They didn’t see me holding my arms behind my back to hide the tremble in my fingers at my first real job, whenever I had to approach my managers to make sure I’d done something right. They don’t hear the internal monologue of self-doubt I deal with every single day because (unless it was my vocabulary or my good grades), all she ever did was CRITICIZE me.

They don’t see the way I walk on eggshells around her to this day, the way I avoid conversation unless I’m offering a sugar-coated olive branch in desperate appeasing, because I’m afraid to make her upset.

And goddamnit, I do NOT want to see her do that to my niece.

She was only in my life from age 5.

She has been in this infant’s life from Day 1.

She doesn’t understand that the way she screamed at me and how the things she said were ABUSIVE.

She feels it was ~okay~ because she felt “disrespected”. 

She feels it was okay to put down a 9-year-old child and accuse them of not having the “sense” to figure out where SHE wanted a cup put in the kitchen.

(She never directly CALLED me “stupid”, but she’s the one who always says “It’s not the words you use, it’s how you say it”.)

And yes, maybe she only sees the kid one day a week.

But she “loves” this baby, and she’s “around” her a lot more than just that.

What happens when, just like when it was me, she has a bad week, bottles it all up, and my sister’s daughter makes ONE comment she disagrees with, and blows up at her, puts her down, and rants at her as if the child is the cause of her ailments until she’s crying, and still doesn’t stop?

What happens when my niece thinks “She loves me, she said she loves me, so she can’t be lying to me”. When the child doesn’t have the faculty to understand that “even if she loves you, it’s okay to tell her she’s wrong”, and “it’s okay to tell someone else if she hurt or scared you”? And what happens when this child, genetically prone to depression, thinks “I really must have messed up really badly, it’s my own fault she yelled at me”?

I don’t think my sister understands how very REAL the damage my stepmother can do IS, and yes. This baby is not me, is not going to speak with my speech patterns, and who knows. Maybe stepmom won’t ever get upset at her.

Unlikely, given how uncontrollably reactive she is. But possible.

My sister doesn’t really want to confront it as a real possibility.

But I saw her use that voice and get violent in the way she was “rocking” her because she wanted her to stop crying.

Babies cry.

Getting mad at them and raising your voice to vent it is NOT how you get them to stop.

And it sure as hell is NOT okay.

But I don’t know how (or even IF) I can bring this up to my sister. When she doesn’t even like talking about how my stepmother abused ME.