#unless they wanna help cook some meat

[izzy-b-hands]

Izzy's birthday! A grenade! Roach would absolutely win GBBO. Ed and Stede, bless their hearts, would not. And a raid!

TW for eyeballs used in a culinary manner. I don't know how else to warn for it except to type it out so. Yeah.

---

"What the fuck are you doing?" Izzy asked, soup spoon paused halfway to his mouth.

"Ed said it's your birthday," Buttons said. "We do presents, party, cake, whole shebang here."

"Is this a grenade?"

Buttons nodded. "My arm isn't what it used to be for tossing them, but if anyone would have fun with it, I figured it'd be you."

Izzy pondered the grenade by his bowl of soup. "This...is lovely, actually. Thank you, Buttons. Next ship we raid will be easy going with this."

Buttons grinned and clapped him on the shoulder before heading out of the dining area.

After a quick check to make sure said grenade wasn't potentially about to go off (he figured Buttons would be one to know the difference, but even so, better to be safe), he returned to his soup. If this was all they'd planned for his birthday, it would be perfect. New weapon, a meal without any interruptions that required his help, perfection. Now if he could get a night of sleep without being dragged out for some trouble, then it would really be above and beyond.

Jim wandered in and peered into the soup pot. "Mind company?"

"If it was most others, I'd say yes," Izzy replied. "But I trust you more to sit and eat and-"

"Not be all weird about your birthday?"

Izzy sighed and closed his eyes. "He told everyone?"

"Dude, he's trying to figure out how to help make the cake. Like, he won't let Roach start it unless he can help."

Izzy opened his eyes. "Well. That's sweet, I suppose."

"I told them to put coffee in. You basically live on it, and if we could get some chocolate or something with it?"Jim smiled. "We'd have a decent cake."

"What do we actually have for it, aside from coffee?"

Jim shrugged. "They started throwing flour at each other so I dipped."

"Understandable, I'd have done the same."

Jim settled across the long table with a bowl and poked at the soup. "Um. Do you know what's in this?"

"I do not, and I wouldn't look too closely. I've been spitting out anything that crunches or squishes too much."

Jim frowned. "We have hardtack, right?"

"By someone's mercy, we do," Izzy smiled, and shoved a bowl of it over to them.

"I'm still gonna try it," Jim said with a deep breath. "And I respect that Roach uses whatever he can find. That's resourceful, and I'm sure I've unknowingly eaten worse-"

Izzy lifted a small eyeball out of his bowl, and they both retched.

"Or, we could have hardtack instead," Jim said. "Bread is always good."

They pushed their bowls away and moved the hardtack one between them as Olu stumbled in, covered in flour.

"You went in the galley," Jim giggled. "How is that going?"

"Stede, Roach, and Ed are arguing how to bake the cake," Olu sighed as he sat beside Jim and snagged a piece of hardtack. "Only one of them actually knows how to. But that isn't stopping Ed and Stede from insisting on their suggestions."

Izzy dropped his head into his arm resting on the table, shaking with nearly silent laughter.

"You good?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"This is the first time he's ever done anything for my birthday," Izzy laughed. "And what a fucking mess. I should go rein him in before Roach stabs him."

"If you do, I'd put on something white," Olu said. "Because this flour was from a bowl that has something else in it, and I don't think it'll come out easy."

Izzy considered it. "They've probably got it."

Olu nodded. "Smart man. Let them handle it, whatever it turns out to be."

They sat for a moment in silence, nibbling away at hardtack that had been sitting long enough to really live up to the name.

"So," Jim broke the silence. "Like I said before, we, that is the two of us, didn't want to be weird about your birthday. But we did get you something."

"I'll let you go get it so I don't get flour on it," Olu said as Jim stood and did a soft jog out. "What the fuck was in that bowl?"

Izzy leaned over, and at Olu's nod, sniffed him. "Some sort of fat or oil. Which they need for a cake, though I question exactly what else might be mixed with it now."

Olu nodded. "However it tastes-"

"Nod and smile," Izzy finished for him. "I never broke Ed's heart over his previous cooking attempts; I won't start now. Baking has never been his thing, but meat? He's wonderful with that. Even made rat taste good."

Olu shook his head. "Rat?"

"Rat. The tail was the only bit I couldn't handle. Texture isn't for me."

Olu looked over to the soup pot in fear.

"I don't think there's rat in that," Izzy said. "Did find an eyeball in my serving though, so I'd stick to the hardtack."

"What kind of eye?"

"No fucking clue," Izzy said.

Jim jogged back in, and handed over a shirt. "It isn't much. But we saw you sewing up your current one and the material not really holding the stitches, so we thought maybe a back up would be cool."

Izzy nodded, and picked up the shirt. Black, soft, with laces at the V of the neckline. "Is this brand new?"

They nodded.

"I haven't had anything new in years," Izzy said. "Thank you."

Olu nodded. "Long overdue then. Just don't wear it today if you have to go into the galley. My clothes are gonna smell like this for awhile now!"

Izzy chuckled. "No we'll-"

There was a small boom, and they rushed out to the deck, Izzy with grenade and shirt in hand.

"Out! Out of my fucking kitchen!" Roach shouted, pushing Ed and Stede out physically with each hand. "You stay out, or I'll bake part of you both in the cake!"

He turned to see the three of them, and nodded to Izzy. "Happy birthday. I'm going to fix your cake and make it edible again."

"Well," Stede huffed. "We were only helping."

"To be fair, I'm not much good at baking," Ed admitted. "My thing is meat and barbecue. Not cakes."

"Kind of you to try though," Izzy said.

"Presents?" Ed motioned towards his hands.

"Yeah," Izzy smiled, a little nervously. "Buttons, and these two."

Jim waved. "Did you guys set something on fire?"

"I...I don't know exactly what went wrong, actually," Ed said.

"The stove may have been a little on fire," Stede said.

"But you were still just mixing the cake mix," Olu frowned. "How did you..."

Ed shrugged. "Baking is a mystery."

"I don't think it's supposed to be that much of a mystery," Olu said.

Just then, another boom, louder this time.

"Oh!" Stede called out. "That wasn't us! We're being shot at! Oh, thank goodness, I was worried we'd really fucked the stove up-"

"Could you hold this for me?" Izzy asked Jim, handing over his new shirt. "Won't be but a moment or two."

He stood at the far rail, watching the ship get closer, grenade in one hand. As soon as it was in reach, he pulled the pin, and threw it hard.

It exploded upon contact with the attacking ship's deck, and there was a delightful ruckus of 'What the fuck?!' shouts that could be heard from the crew there.

"That was so satisfying," Izzy sighed happily as he returned to them, taking his new shirt from Jim. "Thank you again, Buttons!"

Buttons was at one of the cannons, grinning. "Gorgeously done! I think they're fucking off too!"

"Should we go after them?" Olu asked. "Who are they anyway?"

"Some dickfucks who chose the wrong ship to attack," Ed replied. "I say we follow them. However, Izzy, since it's your birthday-"

"I'd like to get some more eyeballs for Roach's next soup," Izzy interrupted. "Let's make them regret those warning shots."

A cheer went up, and Izzy started to move past Ed and Stede to put away his new shirt somewhere safer.

Stede put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry...the soup has what in it?"

"Yeah," Izzy nodded. "It does. I don't know what kind, and I'm not going to ask him either. But he likes any ingredients, so I figure human eyes might work too. If nothing else, we save them for Buttons' birthday."

Stede swallowed hard. "That's a good idea. Do wish I'd known about the eyeballs before eating a few bowls of it earlier."

"The cake should hopefully take that taste out of your mouth," Izzy said. "I'm relying on it to do that for me."

Stede smiled. "Yes, I think it will. I know for sure there's coffee in it, and I know it's probably more fuss than you wanted with the cake and all of this, but the rest of the crew does have some presents, and-"

"I think I'm okay with this fuss," Izzy interrupted him. "It's been...nice. Little weird, but nice."

Stede wrapped him in a hug. "That's the best thing I've heard all day."

"No, the best thing you'll hear all day is those idiots in the other ship surrendering to us," Izzy said. "Will be a lovely gift for myself too. We've been too long without some excitement."

Stede nodded, watching as the opposing crew started to scream as they approached. "We really have been. Oh! Before I forget, let me run and get the new dagger we got for your birthday. This is the perfect opportunity to try it out!"

Izzy watched Stede dash off for his and Ed's quarters, and then looked to the opposing ship.

They looked horrified, as everyone sans Roach (still baking away, and apparently refusing to be interrupted) joined him on deck, weapons in hand.

He hid his new shirt in an empty wooden box on the deck, then waved cheerfully to the panicking crew, now well within sight and boarding distance.

Ed pulled out the long, narrow board and shoved it over to the other ship, and Izzy couldn't help but smile.

This might well be his best birthday yet.

[raeathnos]

.

[alexxncl]

‼️NIGHTBRINGER HDD CH. 4 SPOILERS‼️

masterlist | events | ch. 3

do we really not get to kiss them ??? not even during hdd???

...i'm in here complaining like i'm not a lesbian but MY POINT STILL STANDS ‼️

ofc asmo has something with "aphrodisiac" in the name. like what if it was actually an aphrodisiac ???

ik he wouldn't do anything like that against mc's will but however, in the instance that it was consensual, would your nails even dry fast enough before the shit started to kick in ?? like what if you're too horny to function before the polish dries ??? then what

imagine being such a bad cook that you fuck up sandwiches. LUNCH. MEAT. SANDWICHES. are you not embarrassed?

also how is mc getting from place to place to place so fast ??? teleportation ???? bc in the og timeline it kinda makes sense, though i feel like they'd be more tired than they are rn. in nb though? it makes no sense at all considering the fact that their powers are consistently weakening. which makes me think that this is either the og timeline or some undisclosed au

uncontrollably sobs. curls up into a ball and dies. implodes into a black hole.

i love sappy sentimental satan I LOVE CHARACTER GROWTH. the thing is, this can be said about the satan from either timeline. nb satan was more mentally and emotionally unstable, but that doesn't mean satan from the og timeline(s) didn't feel just as isolated as this satan did, if not even more so

imagine still not feeling like you belong after living with your "brothers" for millenia? having to act like you're ok and fine with constant isolation and ostracization from the people you want to love, the people which want to love you, but being unable to find common ground and pushing each other away even more than before

THEN SAY I LOVE YOU BACK 😐 i hate this man but i also love him but i also hate him but i also. more on this here bc i rambled too much

i couldn't NOT add my man like c'mon

maybe he clings to them so much because he knows they won't judge him offhandedly like his brothers do? bc they won't assume the worst of him at first glance? idk i feel like, other than the obvious reasons, there's more behind why he busts into mc's room unannounced all the time. being alone with self-deprecating thoughts is hard, and having someone else to fill the silence and the negative space with something positive does help

or maybe i'm reading too far into this and being biased bc thats my man

even if the throne wasn't based around bloodline, unless they become immortal, they wouldn't be able to be next in line anyways 😭 mc is nawt passing those trials diavolo went through either. no ma'am

the king's crucible ?? is that what it was called ???

honestly i can't lie, mc being the center of the world bc they're the center of the boys' world is cute. corny, but cute

damn they're that sexy ??? bringing everyone who meets them to their knees

minus luke obv

i wanna meet michael...i'm tryna see sum

and bring god and the demon king down while you're at it too...🫣

[breakfastteatime]

Today's fic is for @wigglewigglewigglenot who requested 'Family'.

Greez hears Cal bound aboard, BD whistling in the way that Greez always translates to ‘honey, I’m home!’ “Cal, BD, good timing. I’m about to start chopping up the veg for tonight’s stir fry. Wash up and –” A foul stench billows over Greez. Dropping his knife, he looks up from the galley table and stares at Cal. “What in all the hells happened to you?”

Cal grins from under a thick, muddy coating. “I threw some stormtroopers around for a while in a swamp.”

“Did you get in the swamp with them?”

“No,” Cal says. BD makes a sound that sounds very disagreeable. Cal stares at his friend. “No, I didn’t. It doesn’t count if a whole bunch of grenades explode after they’ve sunk into the mud and shower you with swamp juice.”

“Whatever, Cal, just get in the shower, burn everything you’re wearing and clean up so you can help out.” Greez glances at BD. “You too, BD.”

BD whistles and takes off. Cal sighs and follows him. A few moments later, Greez hears the ‘fresher door open and close, followed by the sound of the water shower starting up.

Cere emerges from the cockpit next, stretching out her limbs after hours of decrypting Imperial transmissions and tangling them all up so no one could talk to each other. She catches a whiff of ‘Odour of Kestis’ and immediately joins Greez in the galley, seeking out one of their emergency candles. “His sense of smell must be impaired after all that time on Bracca,” she mutters. Once the candle’s lit, she glances at what Greez is doing. “Stir fry? Excellent. Can I do anything?”

“Sure. You can get the hell out of my kitchen before something explodes because it’s in your presence and you scared it.”

“I am not that bad!” Cere protests.

“Hah!” Greez doesn’t trust Cere in a kitchen with something more complicated than a teapot or a caf maker any more than he trusts himself with Cal’s lightsaber. “Just go sit in the lounge and think happy food thoughts.”

“I think I’ll take the time to meditate,” Cere says, heading for her cabin. “I’ll send Merrin.”

By the time Merrin appears, Greez has the vegetables chopped, the pan heated, and everything ready to fry. “You are not adding scazz?” Merrin asks, peering over Greez’s shoulder.

“I know you like it, but scazz doesn’t actually go with everything, Merrin,” Greez says. No, what he needs is a few spices, a little extra soy for the noodles, some ginger to add a kick…

“I want scazz,” Merrin said. “I shall prepare it myself.”

Greez knows he’s not going to win a fight with her. “Fine. There’s some in the fridge. Make sure you use the knife with the red handle, that’s the one that’s sharp enough. You can cook it up yourself.”

“Why? You do it so much better than I do,” Merrin says as she gets the meat, knife and chopping block.

“You’ll never learn if I always do it,” Greez tells her.

Merrin stares at him.

“Fine, fine, I’ll cook it. Make enough for everyone.” Greez says that, knowing full well only Merrin will have any unless Cal’s feeling particularly irritating tonight.

The rhythmic sound of Merrin’s chopping provides the beat for Greez’s whistling. He drops the noodles in a pan while prepping another for Merrin’s meat. She carries it over on the chopping board when she’s done and waits for Greez’s nod to add it to the pan. It crackles and hisses. Merrin closes her eyes and inhales.

“Excellent,” she says. “Remember, I like it rare.”

“It’ll still be bleeding, don’t you worry,” Greez says.

Content, Merrin heads to the lounge. Greez lets her go because he hears Cal and BD returning. Both are clean and fresh, so Greez orders them to set the table. “With your hands, please,” he adds. “The last time you used the Force to do it, I lost a perfectly good set of plates.”

“How is it my fault Merrin distracted me?” Cal shoots a glare in her direction.

“Jedi training is clearly inferior,” she replies without looking up from the datapad she’s looking at. “A Nightsister would not be so distractable.”

“Wanna find out?” Cal fires back.

“Children,” Greez warns.

Cal sighs and wipes down the table while BD nudges placemats around with his head. Happy that Cal isn’t about to push and/or pull anything, Greez begins dishing up. He puts the scazz chunks in a serving bowl so at least the others can pretend like they want some. Cal dutifully puts the bowls out, chuckling to himself when he picks up Cere’s. He does that sometimes, catches onto things no one expected to leave behind. If he’s not sharing, Greez ain’t asking. He's learned to temper that curiosity. Cal is very polite about accidentally learning people’s secrets. Unless it benefits him some way. Or if the secret is so hilarious, he can’t contain himself. Greez may never live down that whole ‘Phixy’s Midnight Runner’s debacle down.

“Merrin, would you tell Cere it’s dinner time?” Greez asks as he shuts off the hobs and grabs the muja juice out of the fridge.

“Of course.” Merrin disappears in a twirl of green magick.

“Show off,” Greez mutters.

BD and Cal take their usual places. Merrin and Cere appear moments later. Greez takes his seat.

“This looks so good,” Cal says. “Thanks, Greez.”

“You’re welcome,” he says. It’s the least he can do, keeping everyone fed. He reaches for his fork. “Enjoy everyone.”

They all dig in, BD-1 watching with the same amount of interest the very first time he was allowed to sit at the table. Greez sits back and watches them all, smiling as they chat and laugh.

Yeah, he’s a lucky guy. Maybe he hasn’t settled down the way his great grandma would’ve wanted, but he’s still got people who matter more than anything, people who need him… He just never expected his best friend and his two kids to all have superpowers, or for a little droid to become an essential presence in his life.

Greez knows a good hand when he’s holding it.

(Pssst – The Phixy’s Midnight Runners minific for those who may have missed it. It’s an oldie but a favourite of mine)

[cloudninetonine]

Gilda definitely beamed Legend on the head for that stunt so she's super protective of Accidental Wish!Player once they come back. The Cringe Links definitely had to keep Mecha from killing the Vet for that stunt too. All three are also still salty and quite protective of Player too.

No one is letting Guide wander outta sight for awhile especially when the Chain has to travel in cold places. Unless Player's Plagas got Artic Scale Worm traits then places like the Hebra Region will slow them down and make em sluggish. Wild was very quick to notice their reaction so everyone has to take extra care in low temperature areas.

Courage: Need me to pull up the Fire Rod?

Player: If we don't find a place to stop in five minutes then sure. Twilight picked up some extra fire wood earlier.

Wanna make Legend feel worse? Player's appetite definitely changed than just their appearance. They can only eat raw meat and sweets as anything else would make em sick. Not a fun thing to hear especially when Player has to turn away a good chunk of their once favorite meals.

Player: I hate this cause I miss Wild's cooking but these damn Plagas can't stand it. 😭

Legend: *sinks further in his seat*

Warrior: I'm pretty sure we can find more things you can eat. The Cook did make some honey candy earlier.

Player does have a few buggy quirks to them from their Verdugo nature. First 'purring', well more like cricket chirping as that's what it sounds when content. They found out while Player was fast asleep and the peculiar sound comes from nowhere. Hyrule immediately think it's cute.

Mood ring on their ass as their tail tends to move differently depending on how they feel. It taps against the ground in anger or frustration, Player wraps their tail around them if nervous or scared and fast tag for happiness n excitement. The Chain have a better method to tell their mood since facial expressions aren't effective anymore.

Chittering is also thing but it really only happens when curious or confused. Do not back Player into a corner as they will go feral and attack just like a cornered animal. Eyes burning red, on all fours with tail raised to sting. The Villain Chain definitely had to turn tail since none of them expected a very violent bug on their asses once Chrono tries to attack Mecha.

Player is a very quirky person even when they're a 8 or 9 ft tall Verdugo. M

Not only did Gilda probably beam Legend but probably straight up gave him a mini curse for a short period of time as true revenge- she cares about it and understands his guilt, but seeing Player like this (when the Guide had done so much for her little brother) she wasn't about to let this slide with a tap on the wrist.

I also like to think that Wild probably went through his magic jewelry to find some cold protection to help Player! (Also because there was a mention of Mecha- he would probably allow them to sit in his hatch in the colder climates for the extra protection)

[qwerty-between-the-lines]

Leo does cooking

Hephaestus TV announcer: Welcome to Chef Leo's Kitchen Antics. We take you live to the kitchen at Camp Half-Blood. Now... here is... Chef Leo Valdez!

(canned applause plays as Leo comes out waving with a grin)

Leo: Welcome back to Chef Leo's. I'm totally fixing you up with tacos, burgers, casseroles, cookies, you name it...

(canned applause)

Leo: Today I'm going to demonstrate how we demigods get meat good and tender. Then we'll be baking a pizza casserole and finishing it off with fresh juice. Now, I have here a couple of steaks. You'll probably want to use a meat mallet, but if you happen to have super strength like us demigods, there is a shorter way.

(Leo pulls tray with steaks in front of him.

Leo: (makes a fist) First, the trick is to think about someone or something who really ticks you off. For me, that's Gaea. Then you want to punch the meat hard, but not so hard it becomes a pancake. Just pretend that your kind of slowly dishing out punishment to your enemies. Like so...

(Leo gives steak three calculated punches in different spots)

Leo: ...and now our steak is tenderized, so let's move on to our juice. I have here some oranges and some pineapples. I recommend doing your oranges first. You can just twist the oranges. Almost like you're wringing them out.

Leo: (wringing out seven oranges in a blender) For me it kind of helps to think about some monster I've fought, and how much I'd like to twist their neck.

Leo: (Leo twisting last orange) We met these wild cyclopes in Detroit once. Every time I think about it, I just wanna, but enough of that.

(Leo grabs pineapple)

Leo: Then for cutting the pineapple, you can use a large cleaving knife, or canned pineapple chunks will also do. Of course, if you were watching a few weeks ago and you ordered Chef Leo's Wonder Slicer, this will be almost effortless for you.

(Leo places pineapple aside)

Leo: (dumping bowl of pineapples in blender) I pre-sliced these just before the show. They're still good and fresh. Our oranges are already juiced, so you only need to run the blender for about fifteen seconds, though I suggest longer. It'll give your juice a nice pureed pineapple texture. Now for our casserole.

(Leo pulls over a casserole dish)

Leo: The fantastic thing about doing pizza this way is you don't have to go through the trouble of making a dough. You can enjoy pizza in a casserole without all those preservatives and fillers you'll get from a restaurant pizza. I'll be doing classic pepperoni, but you can use any of the toppings you'd prefer on a pizza. Now I don't suggest trying some of the things you'll be seeing me do in this segment unless you have fire powers, and you're good at controlling them. First, I'll start with fresh oregano.

(Leo holds hand over oregano)

Leo: The effect we're going for is dry enough to crumble. I kind of have a very light flame going across the palm of my hand, that I'm holding just above the oregano to give it enough heat to dehydrate. I'm being very careful not to set this oregano on fire. You can use a dehydrating oven on a medium low setting, or just use storebought oregano seasoning if that's easier for you.

Leo: Alright, I'm taking my hand away. I give my dehydrated oregano a few forceful, well-aimed karate chops. Kooowah!

Leo: As you can see, the oregano now has a perfect almost powdery texture. I'm going to dump my oregano in this bowl and add in some marinara sauce. I prefer Demeter's Harvest marinara, but you can use whatever you're used to. Add a few pinches of salt. Give your marinara mix a stir and place it aside.

Leo: Again, do not try this at home unless you have well-controlled fire powers.

(Leo sticks his pointer finger into a pot of elbow noodles and water)

Leo: Most of you will probably just want to boil them on a stove. If you have fire powers, you can ignite a flame on the end of the finger that will set them to boiling very quickly, as you can see here. I'm giving them the maximum amount of heat without them scorching or falling apart.

(Leo removes finger)

Leo: I'll just chop up this pepperoni with my Wonder Slicer.

(Knife starts chopping on its own with perfect precision)

Leo: With that done, we want to pour our elbow noodles into the casserole dish first. Then we want to layer that with our marinara blend, which we'll layer with our pepperoni. Finally - we'll add a blend of mozzarella and parmesan to the top. I like to go wild with mine and cover it.

(Leo stretches out hands over dish. Flames begin hitting the top of the casserole)

Leo: You'll want to bake it at 250 degrees for about 10-15 minutes. This will go great with your juice and steak. You'll have a nice satisfying dinner ready to go.

Leo: (smiles) Until I see you again, here on Chef Leo's!

[zazter-den]

Oooh i wanna hear about you and kiri!! Coconut mango and red velvet please ^_^

Thanks so much for the ask, Kaye o/ Coconut Mango: what mementos do you and your F/O treasure?

I once said that I love colored glass teacups, and now whenever he gets caught up in a mission and is later than expected- he always comes home with a sheepish grin and a new teacup as an apology, not that he needs to. Kiri has a bracelet made by my daughter Kohaku, that he never takes off unless on patrol. I carve beads out of crystals and gemstones, so there's always leftover for Kohaku to play around with. I still remember the face he made when she presented his 'friendship bracelet'. (╥ ᴗ ╥)

Red Velvet: what is your favorite food to bake with your F/O?

This is gonna sound odd but beef wellington, because it's the only dish that we cannot cook without the other. I do quite a bit of cooking for the Izakaya, but uh, I suck at cooking meat in an oven. Kiri on the other hand, must have some sort of internal meat radar lmfao one time he stole Bakugo's meat at a korean barbeque because "it was about to burn" Bakugo was 2 frayed nerves from burning the booth down but moving on! Anyway! I take the day to make the puff pastry dough from scratch while Kiri distracts me, and then once it's in the oven he helps me make sure it doesn't burn or dry out. We don't make it often, but there is nothing more romantic for us.

[petri808]

Tianshan Fan fic I just whipped up cause I'm bored. NSFW

“The customers loved that meat stew you created Guan Shan. Let’s add that to the menu from now on.”

“Really? Wow thank you so much.”

“You did a good job. Get some rest, see ya tomorrow.”

“Thank you again sir.”

Guan Shan finishes cleaning up the kitchen and heads home for the night. He’s had this job as a cook for about six months now since graduating high school. It isn’t the first time the owner complimented his cooking, but it always caught him off guard. He still isn’t used to such positive feedback. 

‘That was the stew I made for Tian the first time I cooked for him.’  Tian… It’s been about three years now since his brother He Cheng sent him to a boarding school far away. They’d lost touch. Guan Shan sighs and looks up to the sky.  ‘Wonder what he’s been up to?’ 

‘Little Mo.’

Guan Shan whips around looking for the voice, but there’s no one there. He sighs again, because its just in his head. He misses Tian. They all do.

Back at home with his mom, Guan Shan showers and settles on his bed. He’s still living there to help her with the bills. Would Tian be proud of him? Before leaving, Tian made him promise three things— graduate from school, stay out of trouble, and wait for him. So far, he’s abided by the promise. Graduated in the middle of the class. With She Li gone, staying out of trouble was easy, plus he had Yi and Xi around too. But the waiting… that is getting difficult. 

‘Best not to think about him too much.’  Guan Shan reminds himself. Because it hurt to do so. 

He couldn’t pinpoint when or why he’d developed feelings for Tian, but he’d stopped denying it a long time ago. At first it made him feel so weak… But eventually it didn’t matter. Guan Shan closes his eyes and lets out a long exhale. Tian… if he thought hard about it, he could still feel his touch and the warmth of his arms around him. Unconsciously touching his lips, the memory of their first real kiss came flooding back. He’d been weak, broken and battered by She Li, yet Tian held and kissed him. Why did this guy care so much about him? It was the first time Guan Shan had felt real love. Whatever had been brewing between them up till that point solidified into more than just a friendship.

The next morning there’s a knock on the door. Guan Shan answers it since his mom isn’t home. 

“Hey, Little Mo.”

Guan Shan’s eyes light up. “Tian?” He immediately hugs the man tight. “You’re finally back?” 

He embraces Guan Shan in kind, then pulls back to covet his lips. “I’ve missed you Mo.”

“I’ve missed you too ya bastard. What took you so long?”

They go inside and settle at the dining table. 

“The school was strict,” He explaines, “and didn’t let us contact anyone unless it was family. I hated it, but my brother promised if I got top marks, he’d let me come back, so that’s what I did.”

“But you still didn’t come right after graduation.”

“I had to solidify my place in the organization.” He caresses Guan Shan’s cheek. “So, I’d be able to take care of my husband.”

Guan Shan’s eyes widens. “You still talking that stuff?”

He holds up his left hand to show the cheap store ring from long ago. “I never take it off. And I have kept an eye on you over the years through my brother. Like I know the restaurant you work at, and you kept your promises.”

“Tch,” Guan Shan’s cheeks flush. “I didn’t wanna get beat up if you did come back.”

“If?” He’s eyebrow twitches. “You doubted me?”

“No! No!” Guan Shan swipes at the air. “I didn’t!” 

“Tch, better not have.” He teases and kisses Guan Shan again. “Get dressed, I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“But I work in a couple hours…”

“Don’t worry ‘bout that, ‘cause you own the place now.”

“Come again? Did I hear that correctly?!”

“Surprise number one. I bought the restaurant for you and your mom.”

“But—”

“But nothing, get dressed so I can show you, my surprise.”

As Guan Shan got ready, he continues to talk. “Tian, this is crazy. I don’t know how to run a restaurant, but more so, you just got back and you’re doing these grand things, and—”

He clasps Guan Shan’s cheeks. “Your mom is already at the restaurant. I got in touch with her a week ago about everything and asked to marry you. Now I’ve got one more thing to show you.”

This is crazy. Is all Guan Shan could think on the drive to wherever they’re going. Who the hell just gifts someone a restaurant?! Scratch that. How did Tian pull off buying a restaurant?! Exactly what is his job in the organization now to afford so much? Which Guan Shan assumed he meant Jian’s dad’s gang. ‘I’m dating a triad member.’  That is surreal in and of itself. 

“We’re here,” He squeezes Guan Shan’s hand. 

Guan Shan looks around. “Your family’s land?” He recognizes the area. 

He points to the west. “My brother’s house is over there. This is our home.” He caresses Guan Shan’s cheek. “Your new home.”

“Are you serious…” Guan Shan breathes out, too shocked to say more. 

In that moment, He drops to one knee and holds up a box. “Marry me.”

Guan Shan stares at the ring that resembles the one Tian is wearing, except this one is real! Emeralds shaped into a star as the center stone, flanked by rubies along the band. “Tian…” his eyes tear as they crinkle into a smile. “Fucker, ‘course I’ll marry ya.”

He slips the ring onto Guan Shan’s ring finger with a kiss. He then takes out another ring not as opulent but with emeralds and rubies in the band, slipping it onto his own finger next to the cheap one. “Shall we go inside now?”

“Yeah,” Guan Shan wipes away the few tears that trickle down his cheek. 

As He shows Guan Shan around their new home, he also explains that he bought his mom a new apartment near the restaurant. Their home is almost as massive as He Cheng’s. It has 4 bedrooms consisting of a master and 3 guests. Each bedroom has its own bathroom, but the master also has a walk-in closet. Aside from those, there’s the kitchen, dining room, a den, an office, and a patio. The backyard is a Zen style garden. Finally, there are three maids, a cook, a driver, and a gardener on staff. 

As they stand inside the master bedroom. “Told ya I’d take good care of you,” He caresses Guan Shan’s cheek, then lifts his chin to kiss him. “You can still work at the restaurant, or you can just be my arm candy. It’s up to you.”

“This is all surreal…” Guan Shan murmurs.

“But still very much real.” 

He yanks Guan Shan’s shirt off then his own, tossing them aside. Between kisses, the pants are next to go, pooling at their feet leaving them just in underwear. He goes in for a deeper, needier kiss, nibbling at Guan Shan’s lower lip and slipping his tongue through its parting. Their tongues dance to a slow rhythm as Guan Shan threads his fingers through He’s hair. He slowly backs Guan Shan to the bed where they fall onto it with, He on top controlling. 

“I’m gonna make love to you little Mo,” He murmurs as he nibbles kisses along Guan Shan’s neck. “Are you ready for it?”

“No.”

“Are you scared?”

“Nervous.”

“Don’t worry, Baby, I’ll get you prepped and make you feel good.”

Guan Shan kicks his underwear off, but is too embarrassed to look at He, so he covers his blushing face. That makes He chuckle and only fuels the kisses he’s placing along Guan Shan’s body. Chaste kisses and nibbles, He teases the nipples and leaves marks in his wake, placing gentle care over any scars. Down he travels over the taut abs and amongst the reddish happy trail leading to Guan Shan’s erection. 

He grabs a condom and lube from the nightstand, slipping the condom over two of his fingers. He then drizzles lube over Guan Shan. Once he’s ready, He goes down.

“Oh, fuck!” Guan Shan grits his teeth as He clamps his mouth over his cock. “T-Tian!!” 

“Das wite, ca my name.” He mumbles, grinning at his red-faced conquest as he sucks roughly, licking and toying with the shaft. 

Now that He’s sent the man’s attention elsewhere, He slides his gloved fingers into Guan Shan’s hole, slowly scissoring and curling them as he continues pleasuring his cock. 

“T-That hurts a little…”

“I’ll go slower.”

“But fuck it does feel good.”

That’s what He wants to hear. Over and over, he slides, scissors, curls looking for sweet spots and noting any that triggers Guan Shan to react. Soon enough, he builds to three fingers. All the while sucking off his lover. 

“Slow down,” Guan Shan whines. “I’m gonna cum.” 

But that only makes He speed up, pumping his fingers and adding his hand to stroke his lover’s shaft. Seeing the blithering mess before him has He in heaven. 

“Tian… slow…”

“Cum for me Little Mo.” He purrs. 

“Fuck!” Guan Shan’s back arches as his end splatters his chest. He drops onto the bed breathing heavily. “Fuck…”

He leans over and kisses Guan Shan softly as he tosses the condom. He then removes his boxers. “I’ll go slow, so tell me if it hurts.”

Guan Shan nods and closes his eyes to steel himself against what comes next. While he’s excited, he’s also nervous to have sex for the first time. 

A new condom is rolled on along with extra lube applied. He then settles himself between Guan Shan’s thighs and lines up. As soon as He presses the tip to the hole, his lover tenses and hooks his legs around his waist. Inch by inch He pushes his cock into Guan Shan, each time watching and waiting to give the man time to adjust. “Relax baby, it’s easier if you relax.”

“Then kiss me,” Guan Shan grumbles. 

So, He obliges and leans over to kiss his lover. The position shifts their hips and pushes his cock the last couple inches inside causing Guan Shan to whimper.

“I’m in baby,” He kisses Guan Shan repeatedly. “You feel so amazing Little Mo.” He stays seated for a few minutes allowing his lover to adjust to his girth. “Can I move now?”

Guan Shan nods and He can’t help his heart skipping a beat. The man looks so handsome below him, glistening with sweat all flushed and heady. His cock twitches in delight. “Fuck I love you so much Momo.” He clasps the man’s cheeks and kisses him again. 

“Love you too, fucker.”

He’s eyes flash with excitement. It’s the first time Guan Shan has returned the sentiment. Lying prone, He kisses the man again as he rocks his hips in a controlled undulation. In and out He moves, milking the wondrous mewls and whimpers coming from his lover, to blend with his grunts and moans. Fuck, “Mo you feel so damn good!”  ‘I won’t last much longer.’

The friction of their bodies rubbing against Guan Shan’s cock is overstimulating it again. He groans and arches against He’s frame, wrapping his arms around and digging his fingers into the man’s back. 

“Tian…” Guan Shan moans. “I’m gonna cum again…”

“Wait… for me…” He picks up the pace. “I’m almost there— Mo!” He grits his teeth as the first pulse hits him. It doesn’t help that Guan Shan tightens up as he cums too, squeezing He’s cock of all it holds. 

He pulls out and rolls over, stripping the condom off and dropping it alongside the bed. “Damn Little Mo, you’re even better than I fantasized.”

“I thought you’d be rougher.”

“Do you want me to be rougher?”

“Maybe sometimes— don’t get that glint in your eye Tian!”

He rolls onto Guan Shan and starts tickling him. “Glint? What glint? I’m an innocent good boy.”

“Innocent my ass!” Guan Shan squeals and laughs. “Stop it! Stop! We’re all sticky and sweaty!” 

He rolls them over till Guan Shan is on top. He smiles and kisses his lover and pats his butt. “Are you okay though? Does it hurt?”

“A little, but not too bad.” 

“Good.” He kisses him again then moves them into sitting positions. “We should get cleaned up and head out. I’m sure you’d like to talk to your mom and check on the restaurant.”

“I do, but Tian… what do you do for the Triad to afford all this?”

“You really want to know?”

“I don’t want secrets between us.”

“I’ll explain everything later tonight. For now, I just want to enjoy our reunion.” 

Guan Shan smiles in thought. “I kinda feel like Ye Xian.”

That makes He laugh. “Does that make me the King of To'Han.”

“Shut up!” Guan Shan slaps He’s chest. “I’m being serious! I’m just some poor guy who’s swept of their feet by a rich Triad member. It’s like a fairytale.” 

He sweeps Guan Shan into his lap, kisses him, and rests their foreheads together. “Well, it just means dreams can come true.”

[vitos-pink-shirt]

Just some Mafia II hcs for the three main guys:

Vito Scaletta:

Is asexual and gay-romantic

Doesn’t really drink, except on special occasions (the beer in his fridge is months old and is only there for Joe, and later he buys some nice whiskey for Henry)

He hit his growth spurt before Joe, and spent a summer and half a school year taller than Joe, before Joe hit his growth spurt and while they got close, Joe remained taller than Vito

Perpetually skipped school after becoming friends with Joe

Everyone thought he was the level-headed one between him and Joe until somebody in their high school deeply insults Joe, and Joe has to peal Vito off of the kid after he immediately launched himself at the kid

His favorite color is dark blue like the ocean or the skyscrapers at night

Is a cat person

Has eaten food he dropped off of a dirty-ass Empire Bay sidewalk

Frankie used to read stories to him when they were younger, to practice her reading

After the Frankie Potts incident, I think he keeps an extra pair of socks and shoes in his car

After the sewer incident though he just carry’s a whole other outfit in his car

Vito and Joe used to play baseball in any open space they could get to and Vito used to be a pretty good batter

Joe Barbaro

Pansexual- this man is full of love

Loves to make fun of Vito for being like an inch shorter than him, well into adulthood

Actually enjoys cooking and is pretty good at it

LOVES singing, was in the church choir as a child

Was the school bully, but like in an anti-hero way, he wouldn’t necessarily stick up for the “little guy” but he’d make sure that that the people picking on them got it back 7x worse

His mother thinks he’s an angel, can do no wrong

Favorite colors are bright ones like hot pink, electric blue, lime green, but especially red

One time when he was drunk he got a hold of a raccoon and simultaneously fought off a sober Vito (who got scratched up while trying to get it away from Joe) while keeping himself from getting scratched and bit

Every single one of Vito’s playboy magazines are from Joe

In a modern setting he would dress the exact way

Once they got older he used to help Maria bake Vito’s birthday cake

Constantly has music playing in his apartment

The couch in his kitchen originally came with the apartment and once he got new couches he just shoved it into the kitchen because he didn’t wanna mess with taking it down the stairs

The cross he wears was a present from his parents/mother on his 15th birthday

Gets his shitty pick up lines from magazines

I think he probably collected cigarette cards as a kid and when he met Vito he probably started collecting baseball cards as well

Henry Tomasino:

Bisexual, but he definitely gives straight passing vibes unless you really know him

Favorite word is “motherfucker”

Was a momma’s boy and I think he was a middle child (he gives me “success = love/attention” vibes and the way he naturally kind of falls into the mentor role for Joe and Vito, yet remains spontaneous/a risk taker also feeds the idea of being a middle child)

Until he met Vito and Joe, Bettina was the only person that he didn’t fear having to “pay back”

NEVER learned to cook, a lot of his “suppers” are a glass of hard liquor, a cigarette, and a pitiful cold-meat sandwich

He’s weirdly frugal about things like groceries and his living situation, but will be financially irresponsible when it comes to suits, cars, and generally his appearance

Genuinely thinks he invented fashion when he started wearing that red tie with that red shirt

Favors reds/warm colors, but especially/secretly loves purple, because all of Bettina’s favorite flowers were purple

Every time he and Luca are together, they have to have a pissing match about something, literally anything

Would’ve dragged Joe and Vito to church at least once, and fucking regret it as Joe won’t stop saying that it’s the “shittiest cathouse I’ve ever been too, they won’t even share the booze” and Vito just looks like he’s going to burst into flames at any point

Is low key kind of messy, like dirty dishes piled in the sink, an unmade bed, the living room is always slightly out of order

Leans into all the superstitions, deathly afraid of black cats, throws spilt salt over his shoulder, knocks on wood, etc.

Didn’t own his own mirror for fear of breaking it

Doesn’t really care for pets, he doesn’t want to worry about keeping something other than himself alive

Even though he was younger than three of the other boys, he wasn’t a tattle tale (because he’s not a snitch 😤) so the older boys brought him along on a lot of their adventures

[capricioussun]

Some horrorfell Sans stuff too since I never talk about him

Nickname: Eclipse Height: ~6' I think? Age: roughly probably early 40s

Let's talk about the version where he wound up on the surface. He is...a huge jerk lol Or, at least to others. After everything that happened underground, he’s incredibly bitter and untrusting of others, human and monster alike. Really the only thing he cares about is his brother, and he feels a tremendous amount of guilt over what Dusk went through. Feels largely responsible for it, especially what Undyne did to him.

Dusk is actually a large part of why he travels. It's too physically and mentally taxing for him to really travel or explore, so Eclipse tries to help Dusk live vicariously through him, going out, taking pictures, snagging souvenirs to bring back to him (only a few though, or only perishable stuff or things that can be used, Dusk hates "wasteful" spending). He usually tries to find books or other interesting things since Dusk loves learning about the world more than anything, which makes them excellent gifts (and he'd never admit it, but he likes the excuse to read to Dusk, too, whenever he tolerates it).

He himself also enjoys traveling, since it helps keep him out of his head and the strangling sense of guilt that starts pushing him toward a slippery slope whenever he stays home too long. It's also just nice to see new places, even if new faces also come with that usually. Make no mistake though, he’s not usually outright hostile unless someone is with him, he doesn't go looking for trouble. If anything, comes off a little creepy but generally "friendly" enough, but he’s quick to harsh words if someone gives him a reason. Otherwise, he enjoys the open air, loves hanging out in nature. Animals he could take or leave, but he'll snap a pic or two for Dusk and show him if he’s in a steady enough headspace.

He’s also something of a foodie, sort of. He’s gotten better at cooking from helping Dusk, but prefers seeking out stuff made by others, and tries the best local places he can find while traveling. He's also keen on exploring every restaurant and diner in their home city, too, always eager to find things to share with Dusk and the cats he pretends to not like. He doesn't have the same problem with meat Dusk has, but he'll only eat it when traveling, since he doesn't wanna come home smelling like it either.

Weirdly enough, he actually likes watching sports. Not that he cares for any teams in particular, or even any sports in particular for that matter, but there's something oddly peaceful about it, especially in person. Hangin out up in peanut heaven where no one else is sitting and watching whatever sports going on on a warm, sunny day, the low sounds of voices and music and excitement. It's grounding. Reminds him where he is and how far they've come.

Really, he just prefers to keep to himself and tries to be the brother Dusk needs (even if he'll never feel like the one he deserves).

[cult-daycare]

A Heart I Can Stomach (Helob Fanfic)

Emotions are fickle things, and while Helob can somewhat understand them, He’s found that it’s much easier to stomach ill-ridden food than feelings. 

It’s why he’s never had any attachment to items or beings that have proven to not be useful in the long run.

That was until he met the new holder of the red crown, now he won't lie in saying he wasn't tempted to just kill and eat the Lamb on sight alone, but seeing as they were a possible paying customer he decided against the idea.

Plus he’s been alive long enough to see how much power that crown holds...

. . . Anyways.

Helob had met the Lamb for the first time in Leshy’s territory, while he was stringing up one of his recently caught food.

The Lamb of course freaked out at seeing what he was doing (like so many others) and had almost tried to fight him- that was before he suggested a proposal.

He’ll give the Lamb his food and in return, they will give him some coin for his troubles, and the agreement was made.

Helob didn't think much about this arrangement after all the last few holders of the very same crown didn't ever really come to him for his food unless they were desperate (for whatever reason) so he just thought the Lamb would be the same.

That was until they continued to come and find him for food on three different occasions in the same week!

To put it simply he found himself quite shocked that something so small could consume so much in less than a week.

However at some point, after Helob realized the new red crown holder wasn't just gonna go away he started finding himself becoming quite worried over the Lambs state.

He started to notice how the Lamb had seemingly started to take any food he offered to them, even the kind Helob himself would try his best to avoid eating.

And eventually, Helob voiced these concerns to the Lamb.

They’d seemed surprised by his concern but what were they expecting? Him not to be? Lamb has been coming to him for food for more than a few years at this point so it shouldn't be that much of a surprise!

But then he saw their eyes tear up and-

Oh no- oh noooo.

They began to cry...

This wasn't at all what Helob was expecting.

After that, He and Lamb started to spend more time talking about really anything that brought up a conversation.

He didn't realize how close he was to the Lamb, that was until he saw them hurt for the first time.

It happened around a time where Helob started to noticed that Lamb was coming to him for more food (again), and when they were also going into Heket’s territory more often.

He had been gathering up some meat to cook for later, thinking aloud in excitement the step he would need for prep work,

“Just need to start the fire, get some spices together, and then-”

Before he could continue his rambling he caught some white fur from the corner of his eye and,

Sniff sniff

Yep that’d be the Lamb!

“Ah Lamb! It’s so nice to see you again, but it’s far too early for you to becoming for any food I could have- . . .”

Blood…

Blood on their cheek, arm, and ear..

Tears were weld up in the sweet Lambs eyes as they shook and shivered right in front of him…

Helob felt nothing but rage at the in state Lamb was right in front of him

How DARE anyone lay a FINGER OF HARM TO LAMB!

His anger showed through the chittering he made at just staring at the Lamb’s wounded body, before calming himself. Moving his wrapped food to another on of his arms, Helob reached out and bundled Lamb into his two front arms.

Feeling the Lamb barrow themselves in his fur as he lowered himself towards the ground, he could help but ask, “What happened?”

Hearing them sniffle as they let out a shaky bleat he started to backpedal on the question-

“I-I mean you don’t have to say anything! It’s just fine if you wanna to just stay here for a bit!”

He smiled down at the Lamb though it was mildly strained.

Silence rained over the two for a moment before Lamb spoke in a broken wobbly voice, “Everything’s been too much…”

“Huh?” He questioned confused

“It’s just… I’m having to deal with keeping this cult together, and killing all of the bishops, and- and-”

Tears started to roll down their face as their voice was roused with anger

“I never wanted this! To- to be the holder of the red crown! To have to kill all the stupid BISHOPS! I just- just- just- hic- wanted to be with my flock again!”

They began to sob in his arms as they continued their rant

“I'm not a good leader, this crown shouldn't have been given to me of all being! I can’t even keep my followers safe from Heket!”

Helob frowned at Lamb’s words as they continued to cry and sob into his fur (that’d be a pain later)

He breathed out as he thought of what he could possibly do to make Lamb feel better, he was all that great with his words, but he was good at giving physical comfort.

Rubbing Lamb’s back and pulling them closer, Helob nuzzled his face into Lamb’s coat (making sure to avoid their horns) he made out a small chittering sound as he hummed.

Slowly he wrapped Lamb's wounds with his web as he thought up what he could say to put those thoughts of Lamb’s to rest.

Finally hearing their breathing even out and having some idea of what to say, Helob spoke in the most delicate voice that the Lamb ever heard.

“Look I'm not gonna act like I know what's going on, but you are the only holder of the red crown who I've seen that has even held a chance of taking down all the bishops.

I mean you kill Leshy!

And I've never seen those other holders even get close to doing that, it’s been just you, and most of the former holders either wimped out, lost control of their cult, or died too many times before even getting close to Leshy!”

He exclaimed making Lamb’s eyes widen at the information that was just told to them

“And you'll probably take down Heket just as easily!”

Helob said smiling at Lamb as he continued

“And sure Heket is probably a bigger hurdle to deal with than Leshy, but you’ll get through this just like you've been doing for years now!”

Helob looked at Lamb seeing their expression look surprised as their tears started to finally dry, lowering them to the ground, and rubbing away any more gunk from their eyes he said one last thing.

“You’ll get through this and show everyone, just like you've shown me, that you my friend,”

He booped Lamb's nose as he continued

“are a gift.”

And Lamb smiled... They smiled a smile that Helob has never seen anyone give him, one of happiness, kindness, and trust...

Maybe feelings aren't so bad after all.

[lightvsdark18]

Some responses to voicelines (Ruggie)

Hey, here's your prize! Shyeheehee, ain't it nice to be rewarded just for coming to school every day? You better be here tomorrow, too.

*confused and shunned to speak*

Why're you tryin' to look after me? You're such a weirdo.

What's wrong with wanting to help you out?

You really are such a goody-goody. Don't come cryin' to me if it bites you in the rear. Though depending on what it's about, I miiight be inclined to lend a helpin' hand.

Good to know, you brat.

Looks like I'm still growing. I gotta keep you around!

Oh, now you need me.

School Uniform

As they say, there's no such thing as a free lunch.

Unless someone else is paying for it.

Can you really afford to be spacing out?

... Maybe a little bit.

Need somethin' from me? I'll hear you out if you gimme something in return.

Like what?

I'm willing to keep an eye on Grim anytime you need a break. How's ten marks an hour sound?

... I'll think about it.

You gotta think about what you'll be doin' after graduation and act accordingly. Life doesn't end with graduation, y'know.

I'm fully aware of that, Ruggie. It's just hard when you have no motivation.

P.E. Uniform

I'm a whiz at sports. Well, I'm better than you, anyway.

I don't play sports, so you're really not complimenting yourself there, Ruggie.

Uuugh, I'm starving. I wanna gorge on sugary donuts dunked in milk until I pop.

... Chocolate donut holes.

You got on Coach Vargas' bad side? Just compliment his physique and all will be forgiven.

But he doesn't deserve compliments from me.

Labwear

You'd better stay away from the botanical garden. If you bother Leona while he's trying to nap... Ooh, I shudder to think.

You act like I haven't disturbed his naps before.

Jack is growing a cactus in his room. Is it for emergency rations or somethin'?

I think he's just growing it for fun.

When it comes to cooking, all I can do is throw together whatever's on hand, but it seems like Leona doesn't care as long as it's edible.

I have a cheap meal idea: rice, ground meat and taco seasoning.

I can tell you what was on last year's test. I'll even give you the friend discount!

I think I can handle the test on my own, thanks though.

Ceremonial Robes

You don't know about this school's history? But you GO here!

That doesn't mean I'll look up the history. I shouldn't even be here.

How about a nice picture of you in your robes to remember the occasion? It's just ten thaumarks a copy! What a steal, right?

Really, Ruggie?

Ugh, I'm beat. I'm always so tense durin' formal ceremonies, since I'm not used to them yet. How about you?

I get fidgety from sitting for so long.

Your makeup's smudged. It's okay, I'll fix it. Don't worry, I used to do this as a part-time job!

Oh, okay.

Dorm Uniform

Who just stepped foot in my territory?

I got leftover cookies.

I'm heading to the cafeteria with Leona. Wanna come with? Havin' another gofer will make things a lot easier.

*shakes head playfully*

The most important thing on the savanna is to never let your guard down. If you do… you'll be someone's dinner!

Grim, he meant you'll get bullied.

Even if you can't use magic, there're plenty of ways you can make up for it. Want the whole lecture?

No, not really.

Gala Couture

I used to babysit the neighborhood kids back when I lived in the slums. I'd make 'em flower crowns like this.

Aw.

Leona looked almost princely in his fairy getup. ...Wait, duh. He IS a prince.

But he doesn't act like one.

Easy there. If this outfit gets wrinkled, Professor Crewel's gonna chew our heads off.

He can kiss my ass, I don't want to be here.

Halloween

You better run if you don't want your treasure plundered!

What happens if I don't have treasure for you to steal?

Hmm. Pie, gratin, soup… Oh, don't mind me. Just debating what to do with all the pumpkin guts we scooped outta the jack-o'-lanterns.

... I think the soup because it's chilly out. Heh, pumpkin donuts.

Did you see what Ortho did to scare people? He'd ambush 'em and blast loud screams and banging sounds. The way people jumped and freaked out was hilarious!

I hope he doesn't do that to me cause that hurt me than scare me.

It's a Halloween night packed with ghosts. You might wanna take off now if you don't wanna get scared.

You're saying this to a horror fan. The fun is just starting.

Pirate ships remind me of this time I worked on a cruise ship and got real seasick. Luckily, I adjusted after a few days at sea. a price, of course.

You worked on a cruise?

[sailorrose19]

Do you ever look at your calendar and see that February 22nd the day after Mardi Gras is marked as Ash Wednesday, I already did. Countless times to be honest.

If you're eager for the start of Lent then good for you or if not then that is okay as well just make sure to take care of yourself.

If you're in the religiously abused category and see Lent and the whole idea of fasting, giving alms, praying and giving something up for 40 days as a big trigger like I do then let me be the one to help (if that is okay with you)

If you're ex Catholic and no longer identify or associate yourself with Christianity like I am especially after making my faith renunciation loud and clear but are still stuck in a strict religious environment where the family is still stuck in a stage of denial that their child young or grown is no longer in the faith and attempting to reconvert and "bring back to the flock" unaware that their futile attempts will only push the child away instead genuinely accepting things as they are then you came to the right post.

This time of the year can be difficult for all of us and some of us don't have the capability to fast or abstain for 40 days since we need food and drinks to keep up our strength in the physical and mental sense especially in the physical side due to health conditions that make it impossible to do so and Christianity does not see that unfortunately and some don't even have the right to make the choice of not doing Lent at all.

Very unfair if you ask me. So very unfair. I devised a list for Anti-lent to use and feel free to reblog and add your own to the list

Instead of giving something up why not indulge in it. It could be food, a new drink you wanna try but the church says "No way, you're practicing abstinence whether you like it or not!" screw that and do the opposite.

Pick up a new skill. It could be writing, reading that is not biblical scripture, trying a new cooking recipe in the kitchen(please be careful if you do so. No one likes coming home to a kitchen set on fire.)

Question Church teaching and the rules. This may seem like a very hard one and heavily discouraged in Catholicism. I've done a lot of questioning as a child and there were a lot of rules that never sat well with me at all. Blind faith and blind obedience is not a good look on anyone

On Fridays, instead of not eating meat or going to a fish fry, eat meat anyways you need the protein(unless you're vegetarian or a vegan there are other means of getting protien). Treat yourself to hamburger, steak, any meat will do. The same applies for Good Friday instead of one meal have your 3 square meals of the day.

Practice self-care. This one, is a super important one! If some priest in his sermon says to give self-care for lent don't listen and do the opposite instead. Cut your hair, go for a mani-pedi, try a new fragrance, take an extra long bath or shower, meditate, do what makes you happy this goes with the indulgence portion.

Instead of giving alms, use that tithing money on yourself or donate to a more worthy cause because the church does not deserve even a single cent from either of us no matter how much they try to guilt you into dropping your hard earned money in the offering basket. If you have a paycheck splurge some but save a portion for whenever that urge to splurge comes up leave some as a "Don't touch until next payday or future adventure travel fund".

Set boundaries. If folks ask why you aren't giving anything up for Lent, don't answer because you don't owe anyone an answer as to why. That applies to families no matter how hard some don't believe in the concept of boundaries.

Take care of your mental health. As someone who was emotionally and mentally abused by the Catholic Church, this felt like something I should've done a long time ago. Find a good therapist or psychiatrist especially one that specialize in treating folks with religious trauma. I've been seeing a therapist and I'm still in the recovery process since I got mental and emotional scars that won't heal right.

If you're pagan like I am. Look into Easter's origins before Christians came and ruin everything like they always have for milenia. Self-reflect on Ostara and the arrival of spring means to you meditate on that.

You're free to reblog and add more to the list and you can hashtag it as well in your reblogs so be sure to enjoy Mardi Gras, dance, eat, drink(responsibly), catch some beads and maybe engage in as much debauchery possible just don't let the debauchery doesn't land you in jail.

Hey guys, love you guys ❤

[redroom-rainbowguts]

🔪 🍴 🍷 for grey and white?

🔪- what is the first thing in your house you would use to kill with?

Grey: "Well, if I had to kill I'd probably just use something relatively hard to trace. Figure out information on the other person to see how easily I can set up the death to look like a suicide. Maybe a rope, plastic bag, some drug that can easily be found over the counter, if I can help it. Worst case scenario something easy to inject, so I guess syringes. I guess it just really depends on the circumstances, there's not a "first choice" I can think of unless I'm in a situation that requires it."

White: "Depends on my mood and what I want to see. Knives lose their appeal after awhile and I don't usually want them dead right away. It also depends on why I need to kill and why it's the "first thing" I'd kill with. Am I being attacked? Did someone manage to escape? I need more information."

🍴- how do you feel about cannibalism?

Grey: "I... Don't? I mean, I don't really think about it much. I don't think it deserves the degree of taboo that it has in our culture. I mean, meat is meat. We already eat intelligent creatures like pig, cow, chicken, and don't get me started on fish. They're smarter than we realize but our worlds are so different we're only now learning just how intelligent they actually are. Did you hear about the fish that actually passed the mirror test? Besides, I don't know about cows but pigs and chickens would definitely eat us if given the chance. It's the nature of meat eating animals to, well, eat meat! It's really not a question of morals in my opinion. Anyways I'd definitely try cooked human, but I'd still be a bit anxious about it being prepared properly. I know you definitely can't eat the brain but I'm not 100% sure how safe the other parts are."

White: "I don't have much of an opinion about it as a concept. I think meat is meat, if that's what you mean. Though there is an experiment involving cannibalism I'd like to try. I wanna know if diet can affect a person's flavor. When white people first came to America, Native Americans thought they stank because they had vastly different diets, so I have to imagine they tasted pretty different too. And in the past doctor's would actually taste diabetics' urine, so I feel like they'd overall just taste sweeter too? And do people who eat only super spicy food actually become somewhat spicy? Only one way to find out..."

🍷- what would you do with a gallon of blood?

Grey: "uh, why do I have a gallon of blood? Whose blood? Is this a threat? A gift? Don't get me wrong I'll uh.. I'll find a use for it I'm just really confused about the circumstances. I'm excited to look at it under the microsc- oooh it'll be like a scientific scavenger hunt for figuring out who or what the blood belonged too!"

White: "Have you ever seen the movie Carrie? I wonder what would happen if we recreated it. You can't prove it won't give the recipient cool ass psychic powers, so let's test it out!"

[fantastic-secrets]

Fandom: Sk8 the Infinity

Characters: Ainosuke Shindo (ADAM), Langa Hasegawa, Reki Kyan, Miya Chinen (mentioned)

Warnings: Sex/Smut, Homophobia, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Bondage, Neglect Play, Bruising

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: In which Langa, a college student, enjoys a very special evening with his businessman lover. [Written for Fall for Eden 2022 | Day 4: Mundane AU]

“Hey, Langa! We’re going to a bar, you wanna come?” Reki and Miya were waving him down, but Langa shook his head as he approached them.

“I’m cooking tonight, but thanks. Maybe next time.”

“Okay. But you should bring your girlfriend sometime!”

“Maybe.”

Langa adjusted the backpack on his shoulder before heading back to his apartment. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep his relationship a secret: Reki kept insisting on meeting “her” while Miya would sometimes steal his phone and try to get into it to see if he had any pictures. Which Langa did, but they weren’t something that he could show to his friends.

It wasn’t that he was ashamed or anything. If he explained it to them, they’d probably understand and accept it for the most part. After all, the general consensus among their classmates was that Langa was “a nice guy, but a bit weird,” but Reki and Miya didn’t seem to mind. He hung out with them the most, at least, and the two of them talked enough to cover his own silence. And while they sometimes made fun of him, especially for being a “too-devoted boyfriend,” there wasn’t any meanness in their words.

He knew that, but he also couldn’t shake the fear of them rejecting him, too. Back in middle school, when he’d realized how he felt and talked about it with one of his friends, he’d noticed that they’d begun to hang out less together. But his friend had kept insisting that it was nothing, just Langa’s imagination. And one day, when Langa tried to ask him again, grabbing his shoulder so he couldn’t just run away like he always did, he’d found himself on the ground: his friend had shoved him away, exclaiming, “You’re gross! Don’t touch me!” After that, the rumor had spread, and he’d lost the rest of his friends.

It still hurt to remember it, but he was mostly over it now. It had helped a lot, finding someone who understood and showed him that he was loved as himself. Langa’s own parents didn’t count, of course: they were his parents, so of course they would love him. But someone he didn’t know, who didn’t have any reason to care about him?

Sighing, he walked into the lobby, nodding a greeting to the doorman before taking an elevator up to the eleventh floor. It technically was his apartment, since his name was on the lease, but Ainosuke was the one paying for it. Once they’d started officially going out, his lover had insisted on moving him out of the fairly dilapidated university housing and into a newly built complex. All the furniture inside was new, too, picked out of catalogs together, and Langa smiled as he dropped his bag onto the couch covered in too-fluffy pillows (Ainosuke’s choice) before heading to the kitchen.

He also knew that Ainosuke had his own place, somewhere else, but unless he was really busy with work, he spent most of his evenings and weekends here. And other than the maid who came to tidy up once a week, they split the chores between themselves. Pulling up a recipe on his phone, he began to take what he needed out of the fridge.

He was nearly done when he heard the apartment door open and a familiar voice call out, “I’m home!”

“Welcome back,” Langa called back. There were some rustling noises in the hallway before his lover appeared, smiling broadly when he spotted Langa by the stove.

“What’s for dinner today?” he asked, leaning in to give him a peck on the cheek before he peered into the pot that Langa was stirring. The aroma of spices was filling the kitchen along with the rich smell of meat, and Langa himself couldn’t wait to eat.

“Curry.”

“Lovely~~~. I’ll wash up and set the table.”

The two of them worked in quiet concert, Ainosuke scooping out the rice and shaping it on the plates while Langa tasted the curry. It still needed a little longer, so he watched as Ainosuke pulled out a small frying pan and poured in some oil before fetching two eggs from the fridge. As soon as Langa finished adding the curry to the plates, Ainosuke topped them with a fried egg each before carrying them over to the table.

“So, how was your exam today?” Ainosuke dug into the curry, and Langa shrugged as he did the same.

“It was okay.”

He was getting by in his classes, but he wouldn’t really call himself a good student. After high school, he hadn’t known what he wanted to do, so he’d sat for a few entrance exams and applied for some jobs. But when he’d gotten into the same university as Reki, his friend had encouraged him to join him, so now he was majoring in gender studies while Reki was in the music department.

He probably should have gotten a job, though. He didn’t know what he wanted to do with gender studies—he’d just picked a major that seemed easy—or what he wanted to do in general, really. He’d hoped that university would be able to help him figure it out, but he still felt the same way that he did when he’d started. There was nothing exciting about a salaryman’s job, but he could probably do it.

“What about you? How was your day?”

Ainosuke’s face lit up at the question, and Langa smiled slightly: for as flat as he often was, his lover was always so expressive. He didn’t really know why Ainosuke liked him, but he also just knew that the older man did. So he just continued to eat while his lover talked about options and derivatives and other things that he didn’t understand, nodding sometimes and making sounds of agreement. He thought that Ainosuke probably knew that, too, but the other man always seemed delighted whenever Langa asked him about himself and more than happy to talk. And he was always passionate about the things that he did: Langa couldn’t help but feel some admiration for that. It was no wonder that Ainosuke had found success in the cutthroat business world at such an early age, with all the effort that he put into all of his work.

While Ainosuke talked, Langa finished his first plate and went back for a second, finishing off the rest of the rice and a good portion of the curry. He could probably pack the leftovers for his lunch tomorrow with some more rice. Curry was good in that way: it reheated well, and it was easy to make, too.

They continued to talk about nothing at all while they ate, and when they’d finished, Ainosuke brought both of their plates to the sink to start cleaning up. Leaning back in his chair, Langa watched him, smiling at the sight of Ainosuke, still in a suit, with his sleeves pushed up and his tie thrown over his shoulder as he washed everything. He really did look so good, handsome and mature, and Langa felt himself getting warm as he just watched his lover.

And when the water finally shut off, Ainosuke returned to him, bending over to kiss him again. It was soft and gentle, and Langa wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck to pull him closer, deepening the kiss.

“Do you have any homework tonight?” Ainosuke murmured against his lips, and Langa shook his head slightly. It was a lie, but a small one: he’d already started it this afternoon, and he could probably finish it up before class tomorrow. Besides, this was the first time they were seeing each other in almost a week, since Ainosuke had been working overtime on some sort of project for work. And Langa was rewarded by the sensation of Ainosuke's lips curving upward in a smile.

He let out a startled laugh when arms slid under his legs, hoisting him up against Ainosuke, and he locked his legs behind Ainosuke's back as the man carried him to the bedroom. His lips pressed soft kisses to Langa's face and neck before he lowered both of them to the bed, caging the younger man beneath him. Langa's fingers were already fumbling at the buttons of Ainosuke's shirt, and soon enough, they'd both shucked off their clothes. But as Ainosuke began to lower himself between Langa's legs, the younger man grabbed his arm.

"Wait. I want to do it for you too," he insisted. Ainosuke was always taking care of him and making him feel good, but that wasn't fair, right? Ainosuke seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then he smirked as he repositioned himself, his stiffening erection dangling above Langa's face.

"How about we make a bet?" he suggested. "Whichever of us makes the other one come first gets to decide our play tonight."

"Sure."

Langa didn't really mind: physically, they were pretty compatible, and even if Ainosuke won, he wouldn't do anything that Langa really didn't like. So he reached out to wrap his hand around Ainosuke's cock to start to jerk him off. It was hot and heavy in his hand, and he wasn't sure if he was just imagining that he could feel Ainosuke's pulse thudding in it.

He gasped when the other man dove down onto him, his mouth tight and hot and wet, and his hips automatically tried thrust into it while strong hands pinned them down. It was nearly enough to distract him from his purpose, so Langa guided Ainosuke's own cock to his mouth, drawing a lick along the engorged head. Immediately, the taste of salty musk coated his tongue, and he felt Ainosuke's hum of satisfaction, encouraging him to take the tip into his own mouth, drawing his tongue along the shaft as he tried to swallow even more.

It wasn't a fair contest, really: Langa had done this for Ainosuke a few times, but the other man clearly had much more experience. But that didn't matter: it was about making his lover feel good, so Langa did his best, even as his breathing grew ragged and his hand faltered in jerking the other man off. It also annoyed him that Ainosuke still seemed to be in perfect control of himself, even as he grew harder in Langa's mouth, so he threw himself into the blowjob with renewed vigor, only to groan as his hips bucked upward once more and he emptied himself into Ainosuke's mouth.

His lover kept his lips tightly sealed around Langa's cock until he finished, and then he pulled himself off, turning around so that Langa could watch his throat work as he swallowed his come. A small dribble trickled out of the corner of Ainosuke's mouth, and Langa watched him wipe it off with a thumb before licking it off as well.

"So I won." Ainosuke's expression looked slightly predatory as he stared down at Langa, and the younger man had to resist the urge to cross his arms over his chest. Even though he knew that his lover would never really hurt him, he always felt a little bit of a thrill when Ainosuke looked at him like that.

"You did."

"And you remember the terms of our bet?"

"Yeah."

Ainosuke smiled, baring the edges of his perfect teeth, before reaching past Langa to pull open a drawer. One by one, his hand pulled out several objects, laying them down beside Langa: a blindfold, a ball gag, earplugs, a pair of handcuffs, and a cock ring. And then he climbed off the younger man.

"You remember what to do?"

"Yeah."

Langa took a slow, shuddering breath before he sat up to face Ainosuke. His lover picked up the gag first, so Langa opened his mouth to accept it, bowing his head slightly to let Ainosuke fasten it behind his head. It didn't take long for his drool to start to start to pool in his mouth while Ainosuke added the rest, binding Langa's hands behind his back and lovingly stealing the rest of his senses from him.

The last thing to be added was the blindfold. Langa continued to stare at Ainosuke, his heart racing, until the soft cloth settled over his eyes, concealing his lover from his sight. And then warm, comforting hands were lowering him back down to the bed and turning him over so he could lay on his stomach. It didn't take long for him to feel something cool and slick nudging at his ass, and he exhaled slowly as it was carefully pushed inside.

He felt the bed rise slightly as Ainosuke got up, and then the vibrator was turned on at what felt like the highest setting, making Langa flinch.

At first, he tried to stay still, his breathing growing more erratic as the toy moved inside him. All of his senses had been forced inward, made to focus on the sensations gripping his body. He didn't know how much time had passed before he started to writhe, whining softly as he desperately sought some relief. But rutting against the sheets only made it worse, heightening the growing pleasure that had nowhere to go.

It felt too good, and he wondered if Ainosuke was still there, watching him as he arched his back and curled up around himself. The vibrator teased him relentlessly while he squirmed, trying to find a way to escape its torment for even a moment, even though he knew it was impossible. Bright sparks danced before his eyes as a warm dampness began to soak the cloth covering them, and he began to gasp, choking on the intensity of his feelings.

When he couldn't stand it anymore, he forced his clenched fists to relax, clapping his hands together twice.

For several heartbeats, nothing happened, but then the instrument of his torture fell still. Vaguely, he felt the mattress sink beneath him again, and then the strap holding the gag in place loosened, allowing him to push the soaked gag out of his mouth with his tongue.

"Please let me come," he babbled, unable to hear his own desperate, hoarse voice. "Fuck me, Ai. I want to come. Please, please, please. Let me come."

Something—a finger—caught on the edge of his hole, pulling it open before something much hotter and thicker pressed inside, and Langa sobbed with need as he thrust back against it.

"Yes, yes! Harder! Fuck me! Make me yours!"

Familiar hands settled around his waist before Ainosuke began to fulfill his demands, pounding into him furiously, bringing Langa to even greater heights, his words melting into unintelligible cries as the pressure and pleasure crashed over him. And finally, finally, his lover buried himself into him deeply one last time before tearing off the ring that restrained Langa's release.

Langa came with a scream, his entire body shuddering and clenching as he arched back. Strong arms wrapped around his chest, embracing him tightly while a hand firmly milked him dry. And when he had nothing else to give, Langa collapsed.

When he opened his eyes again, he sat in a tub, surrounded by warm water. His back was propped up against something firm, and he leaned his head back, looking up at Ainosuke's face.

"How do you feel?"

There was clear concern in those crimson eyes, but the hand rubbing a soft cloth over Langa's body didn't falter. When it brushed over his hips, Langa's own hand fell down to rest against the faint pains left in its wake, where he would probably find finger-shaped bruises tomorrow. His muscles and insides ached, as well, from the intensity of Ainosuke's love. And he wouldn't have it any other way.

He smiled, stretching his neck so he could brush a kiss along his lover's jaw.

"Perfect."

[franksintrayaoi]

Chapter 2

"So Gabe,where am i gonna be sleeping?" Clem searched the room

Gabe pointed at the bed he had been staying infor the past few weeks. "There!" He exclaimed

"But where will you sleep?" She asked puzzled.

"Well I suppose I could sleep in the chair,or on the floor,not very comfortable but I'll survive!"

Clem laid down in the bed and was handed some dried radstag meat and some boiled water. "Well I know you're hungry and dehydrated so you'll need a lot of proteins and liquid."

"I haven't ever slept alone before,someone's always been there with me. Sometimes Poppel or one of my siblings." She stared at Gabe waiting for a response.

"Well if you'd like I could stay in there for you if it helps you sleep?"

"Youd really do that for me?I hardly know you and all"

"Mhm" Gabe said in a exhausted voice before getting himself his own blanket.

Clem chewed away like a feral hound that had just found the last scraps of a Brahmin baron. She finally felt full in weeks. She glanced around the room,it was dingy yet more cozy than the bunker.She dozed off finally, satisfied and feeling safe.

The next morning came and she had slept in oayer than Gabe,she had been exhausted and near death at that point before she met him.

"Oh mornin!how did you sleep?"

"I think that was the best sleep I've gotten in years honestly"

"Well if you're feeling well enough we could start movin toward Kentucky?you can sit in the wagon I have that gets pulled by brahmin."

"Can we have breakfast first?I've seen that in those novels and stuff,I've got quite the hankering for some uhm what's it called?the little circle dough things."

"Pancakes..?"He giggled.

"Yes those things!I always read about them in the novels,they make them sound like heaven."

"Well you're in luck,not short on pancake mix and all I need is water. Let's hope I dont burn it...this time"

Clem stood over the tiny cooking pan and watched him flip the pancakes,she had never felt so exited in her whole life.

Gabe smiled and handed her a plate with two pancakes on it,with some mutfruit jam.

"Be careful it's ho-" Gabe was cut off by Clems vigorous hashing. God the poor thing hadn't had a real meal her whole life it seemed.

Clem smiled with her mouth full and hugged Gabe. She pulled back as she realized how she's acting. "Sorry I'm just so happy right now,I haven't ever felt so good in my whole life."

Gabe chuckled and started packing up his bags full of food,water and first aid supplies.

"Ready to go miss?" Gabe looked over his shoulder.

Clem grinned at him and thanked him for being so generous to her.

Gabe took a moment to stare at the trees with a subtle sunlight peaking through the thick black leaves. He loaded up and helped Clem get into the back of the cart.

"Now I'd be careful,sometimes they have a bit of a habit of bucking their hooves at folk. But other than that you'll be ok."

"Where are you going to sit?they run don't they?"her face turned inquisitive.

"Well they don't run unless they're in danger,so I usually walk alongside them. It makes then feel less vulnerable and tricks animals into thinking they're bigger."

Clementine noticed some rummaging in the woods. And God almighty it was gigantic. She tugged on gabes sleeve and pointed at it.

In a low whisper she said "What's that?is it gonna eat us?"

Gabe turned and looked. It's a 𝘔𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩. He turned his head back to Clem and giggled. "That megasloth has been living in the treetops for god knows how long. She ain't gonna hurt us!Wanna pet her?"

Clem stared in shock at what he had said. "Yoh can touch that thing?"

"Well sure you can,they're awfully docile. Unless you hurt them..then Well you're in for lung cancer or giant gashes everywhere on you!your pick."

Clem stumbled out of the wagon and slowly approached the gentle giant with a single hand reached out. "Woah its so...scratchy..yet so intriguing to feel." She was practically bouncing around in happiness

Clementine loaded herself back in the wagon. Preparing to head toward the Kentucky border. She knew it'd be long and hard but she had someone with her.