#unlike these fucking dipshits

[rouge-the-bat]

legit i get actual bad anxiety from my notps because my otp kinships just make other ships with those characters HUGE squicks for me. but im not going around telling people to kill themselves or that ill kill them if they tag something from me with those ships! even if its triggered my anxiety im still just going to ask them to remove the tag or reblog the post from someone else (if its a reblog). like what in the literal fuck is wrong with yall

[im-smart-i-swear]

webby would have LOVED mystery flesh pit national park

[cleromancy]

this is the dumbest fucking post ive ever seen

first of all. you got dick and jason mixed up bro.

[hazmatazz]

don't talk to me if you don't support spider person wrongs

[snekdood]

"why didnt the mass shooter just go after politicians???"

you're thinking about it in the way you would do it if you were in that state of mind

it's usually not even actually about politics and is more often about interpersonal issues. the politics only exist to justify their actions, they're not the reason for them per se

if people ACTUALLY listened to the people who research this phenomenon you'd realize most mass shooters do it bc of a shitty upbringing of some sort, which is why the real solution is making sure no one feels so hated that they start to despise "everyone" (their mind distorts and PERCEIVES its everyone even if its just a small group of people) for making them feel hated and if you have way to easy of access to firearms, which is one of the biggest reasons mass shootings happen, you might decide thats the best way to "deal" with a world that "hates" you.

[roseofcards90]

Some of these fake ass Lakehouse people are funny because they’ll say shit like “when their son was born he bonded with him right when he was out of the womb and they got matching tattoos together because he just couldn’t be apart from his son meanwhile she wanted to throw him off a building and disown his entire being immediately because she was repulsed at him just existing” and the same people eat that shit up every single goddamn time

[unrustsyourlake]

a part of me wonders if tpw was meant to capitalise on the fact that albert developed a bit of a cult following at some point but by the time it released most of the fanfare surrounding him just died

[the-adas]

a note to anyone trying to flirt or even just talk to someone: don’t fucking mention the mask

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

"I went through a lot of trauma" Okay, but that still isn't a good excuse to be a piece of shit.

[humofnight]

always fun to have a new admin nemesis

[dear-ao3]

So, after all of that, it's still extremely unlikely you'll get your spoons back from your ex because he's too much of a dipshit to mail you something?? Fuck writing fanfic about this dude I wanna push his pathetic ass into a LAKE

eh. he’s working at a used car dealership so i think he’s already suffering enough.

[txttletale]

Do you have recs for combatless rpgs? sorry if someones asked this ! im getting into ttrpgs now and its just pretty hard to find anything non combat focused ?

i recommended wanderhome (melancholy animal roadtrip), dream askew (queer postapocalyptic survival), microscope (collaborative worldbuilding), and crescent moon (kids learning and growing in a fantasy land) in resposne to an ask earlier today. other great rpgs that aren't combat focused include:

chuubo's marvelous wish-granting engine: i'll level with you, if you're just getting into rpgs this one might be A Lot because it's quite mechanically complex. but it's a beautiful game about having ghibliesque coming-of-age adventures in a surreal dreamy world.

nobilis is by the same person (jenna moran, a genuine game design pioneer and genius) -- it's about being godlets, the living embodiments of concepts from the concrete to the abstract. you might find yourself fighting in this game, but it's unlikely to look anything like 'combat'.

brindlewood bay, which is about being elderly women investigating murders.

pasión de las pasiones, a pbta (powered by the apocalypse) game about doing ridiculous romance drama shit based on telenovelas

monsterhearts, about teenaged monsters having weird drama and exploring their sexuality. think buffy or twilight, but queerer

pigsmoke, about being professors at a college of magic and competing to see who can publish the best paper (yes, really)

the girlfriend of my girlfriend is my friend, about... i mean i think the title makes it pretty clear! being gay and poly and kinda broke

it's been a long, long, time, about two people who used to date, their relationship, their lives after it, and their reunion

sagas of the icelanders, about being viking settlers in iceland during the saga period and playing out quasimythical dramas

hieronymous, about being a bunch of sinners making your way across hieronymous bosch's garden of earthly delights

thousand year old vampire, a solo journalling game about being a vampire and living through long stretches of history

blow up hamlet, where your table performs hamlet while changing the plot and improvising new plot beats at semi-random

slugblaster, about being rowdy teens hoverboarding through interdimensional rifts in the spirit of 90s teen movies

woo! that's a fuckin' lot of ttrpgs, but i wanted to give a lot of suggestions because i think it's so important for people getting into the hobby to understand the breadth of games out there and how far from the popular image created by D&D they can go! there are two-player and GM-less and even one-player games on this list. you can do anything! the world of rpgs is so fucking wide and beautiful. good luck and i hope you find something that speaks to you!

(oh, also, my game, most trusted advisors -- about being the untrustworthy privy council to a dipshit king and falling over each other's nested dipshit schemes -- has no combat in it. just saying!)

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

Auron, Alphonse, and Charlie reacting to the listener asking for a baby HCs?

Maybe one wouldn't hurt....

Chat I think this is bc of that one dream I posted about having a baby.

Looking at a mom who was bouncing her baby, giggling as the adorable shouts from the infant. Not realizing you were staring at the duo, your boyfriend looked where your attention was caught. You then looked down at your empty hands and mumbled.

"I want a kid...Could we have one?" Questioning in a daze. Turning back to your partner who paused, looking at you.

Auron

I feel like it's going to be a soft no.

Auron has a dangerous second life, as he said wolves nip at his feet all the time.

A kid being brought into that is not something he wants. Auron want's his kids, if he ever has them to be safe and not need to worry.

He already worries of dying and leaving you alone. With a kid added? Auron would break leaving you alone with your kid in the world.

The idea is nice, having one or two kids together and Auron waking up to a easy life. Maybe having a cabin he takes them during the holidays, being in their lives. Unlike his mom, he loves her but Auron wished he could have her more in his life.

But, he can't have that. Giving it to a child after he's too old, no, he won't do that.

So he sadly looks at you and says I can't. Auron hates he can't give you something you really want.

Charlie

He wants to say maybe, but with how he is right now? No.

Charlie thinks of when you and him would be stable enough to have a family.

He'd want a semi big family, maybe three? but Charlie knows kids are dipshits and are expensive.

Things like these makes Charlie wish he had money, to give you things but he can only do so much.

The idea of a nice white picket fence and coming home to being greeted by the kids. It sounds like a fantasy that could be in his reach.

Charlie can't see him right now having a kid, after knowing he sold shit to kids, got into a gang, was a rat, and got out? Then got with you somehow, Charlie is on a maybe but ends up saying no.

He does make a joke that the lil guy can be your guy's practice baby. For when you finally do have one.

Alphonse

He literally panicked once thinking you were pregnant so it's going to be a no. Also jokes how both of you have like 3 dollars together in a bank account.

Sure he's thought of having kids, living him his childhood house where he grew up. But, it breaks his heart his parent's will never meet them.

If he ever did decided to have kids? Maybe one, he knows he was a handful and the world isn't ready for a gaggle of Alphonse's just yet.

His biggest concern is money and also a dark thought of what if someone from the past he's fucked over comes and get the kids?

Alphonse was already worried to the bone w Derek with you since he knew where you lived. If there was kids? He'd be on a war path to protect them.

So he says no to having kids, if the stars ever do align to have them? Maybe, but there has to be planning and money is need for a kid.

On some days he does think about the family you could have. But wishes his parent's were here to help him think about this more.

[leonawriter]

To add to "Hakuba wasn't the one throwing the most shade at Hattori," I'm heading into the case itself, since I didn't last time.

Let's start with the fact that Hattori found blood on the doorknob and instantly tried to knock the door down. Hakuba, Junya, and Natsuki all look shocked, Natsuki even saying "Hey, wait a-"

Shinichi's the only one who isn't shown protesting, but he's also not shown actively helping to break down the door. He's right there, yes, but going just by the manga alone, we don't see him in action.

Later on, we get this-

Once Hakuba's said about how the "producer" was still alive, Hattori unties him.

Closely followed by...

First Junya, then Hakuba, saying that he's done things wrong. That he's incompetent.

In fact, Junya says "Even if [Hattori] is a very incompetent detective" while Hakuba says "I'll admit that your actions were unacceptable."

Of the two statements, Junya's is the more offensive to me - there's a difference between "unacceptable actions" and calling someone "incompetent." For instance, Detective Yamamura of the Gunma police is "incompetent" because he barely meets the base criteria to be a police officer, let alone someone in charge of a crime scene. Hattori isn't on that level. His actions were, however, unacceptable.

Moving on, and we see Hakuba point out, in detail, why they should have taken their time.

It's Junya, again, who goes on the offensive, assuming that Hattori was "[eager] to reach the crime scene before anyone else" and "not suited for being a detective." Hakuba says neither of these things. He's judgemental, yes, but he doesn't make things personal.

Funnily enough, Shinichi has a damn good point here. It ISN'T that Hattori is unsuited to being a detective! He is, however, hot-blooded, which does affect how he goes about things.

That isn't a bad thing, all of the time, and if it was, then Shinichi would have been joining the others in criticising Hattori. Thing is, Shinichi knows Hattori, and neither overly defends him (they're kinda right, after all) nor attacks him further (he knows why Hattori is how he is).

Later-

By this point, Hakuba has already seen Hattori acting "rashly" and "not thinking things through" so he feels he has a good reason to make remarks like these.

After that, however, when they do find the person they're after, he's visible from the outside, leaning against the window, bleeding.

This time, it's Hakuba who suggests going back inside and busting the door open, but before he can, Hattori is jumping up to bust through the window.

We're shown him breaking the glass, then unlocking the bolt on the window, in order to get in - unlike the first time, where it's just "bust open, get in."

In other words, we're shown his process.

What's important, to me at least?

Once the investigation gets underway, and now that Junya (rest in fucking pieces, dipshit) is out of the way, Hattori and Hakuba are... able to talk to each other with far more civility.

Sure, there's some checking of "you didn't mess something up again, did you?" but that's a valid question that one of them would ask during any other investigation as well, at some point or other.

That said...

It's only after they've done their preliminary investigation and the actual suspects are mostly out of the way that Hakuba suggests that Hattori be kept away from the crime scenes, since when he's been involved, the crime scene has been messed up, damaged, and... he's basically made a mess of it.

Thing is, this is where it's viable for them to have come to loggerheads with each other!

Hakuba is cool-headed and logical, while Hattori is hot-blooded and emotional.

I've even said before about how they're written as narrative foils to one another, being the rivals and closest male friends of their respective protagonists!

That said... for all that they butt heads here, they're back to collaborating not long after.

And when one of them brings up a point, the other listens. Hakuba doesn't discredit what Hattori's saying just because he's hot-blooded, and Hattori doesn't ignore what Hakuba's saying just because he doesn't like the guy/has bias against him.

On to the finale, and each of our detective protagonists has a different conclusion.

Hattori explains his idea of who the culprit is, only to be cut off by Hakuba, who comes in with his own, in a very disparaging way - "How many more times must you disappoint me," he says, only to be proven wrong and realise that he'd been letting his own bias (that a thief must be the culprit) get in the way of his deductions. Hattori continues with his explanation, which Shinichi tries to say "no, you're wrong!" about... only to prove that he knew exactly what he was doing and catch the real killer trying to hide evidence.

Effectively, this all proves that Hattori is just as good of a detective as any of the rest of them, especially so given the culprit's words at the end:

In other words: those things were done on purpose, knowing what kind of person Hattori is, and she respects him for being the kind of person who hopes that the victim is alive until proven dead. Who hopes for life, more than just another mystery to solve.

In this point here, as well as in assuming that the culprit had to be the same person as the thief, Hakuba is wrong, because he assumed that acting in a "hot-blooded" way was wrong since doing so would disrupt the crime scene.

What he should have been worrying about - and I wonder if this was a minor lesson for him - was "is the person inside still hanging onto life, and if they are, will taking the long route around take too long, and cause them to die?"

So, in these later parts, we do see that:

1 - It isn't even Hakuba, even after Hattori has said things that would legitimately upset him, who throws the first stone in antagonising him.

2 - It's only after seeing behaviour that could be seen as "rash" that Hattori hadn't thought through (unfitting of a detective) that he starts to bite back.

3 - They still work together with respect whenever it's about the actual investigation, and at no point do they get in each other's way, and-

4 - When Hakuba makes a mistake about his deductions, as well as when admitting no one knows where he is, for one thing he accepts his mistakes with grace, and for another thing Hattori doesn't gloat about it.

I wouldn't say that things are mended between them - first impressions count for a lot, and they didn't have a good one no matter how you look at it - but I'd hardly say that they have a non-functioning working relationship, or that they'd constantly be at each other's throats.

[jetsetlife138]

Imaginary: Reimagined (Alastor x Fem!Reader) - Chapter 1

Story Introduction: HERE

Chapter 1: The Descent

Chapter Rating: Mature

Chapter Warnings: Threats of dismemberment and mentions of cannibalism

Agony. No other term could capture the intensity of what unfolded during your descent into the foreboding unknown. Moments before your world unraveled, unaware of the impending danger, you casually strolled through the aisles of your local thrift store, seeking something worthwhile. Then, fate led you to an old, retro remote control from the 1950s—a curiosity too enticing to resist.

Upon picking up the remote and pressing a button, a transformative force seized you. A radiant light engulfed your senses as you found yourself drawn into a vortex of swirling colors and shapes. In the blink of an eye, you were thrust into an expansive, uncharted void, your body feeling as though it had been torn asunder and haphazardly reassembled with each passing moment. It was a visceral, merciless sensation, an ordeal unlike any you had ever encountered and never wished to endure again.

After what felt like an eternity, you descended from the emptiness of space, your body sprawled across a rigid surface. Your head weighed heavy, and tremors coursed through your body from the shock of the experience.

With cautious curiosity, you extended your arms to explore your surroundings, hesitant to open your eyes and confront this unfamiliar environment. Your hand hovered in the air until your palms met a solid surface, confirming your presence on stable ground.

It was difficult to decipher the noises around you considering the overwhelming ringing in your ears. Listening intently, you could ascertain a clamoring of hisses and whispers staggered around you. Strangely, the thought of that brought you a modicum of comfort. At least you weren’t dying alone… if that was really what was happening.

Summoning every ounce of remaining energy, you strained to focus on the individual voices nearby.

“What is it?”

“Dipshit, what does it look like? It’s another sinner.”

“Something ain’t right. They’re too… normal.”

“Too ‘normal’? The fuck does that mean?”

“Look at them! They look like we used to before we croaked.” 

“So… are they dead or alive?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know?”

“Have the rules changed?”

“Wait, has there ever been a living sinner here?”

“We should kill them, right? Or at least maim them?”

“Do you think there’s some kind of reward for turning them in?”

“Can we eat them?”

“Fuck yeah, at the very least we could gain favor with an Overlord for handing them over!”

“...Just a bite?”

It was a moment of utter disbelief. You were struggling to make sense of what you had heard. Could it be real? No, it couldn't possibly be. This surreal experience was undeniably overwhelming, and your mind must have been playing tricks on you.  From what little you could deduce, there was a gathering of people surrounding you and attempting to discern each individual voice only worsened your already fragile state of mind. Surely, they couldn't be uttering such outlandish things.

Hesitantly, you dared to open your eyes, blinking repeatedly due to the unexpected brightness. Once your vision had acclimated properly, your breath caught in your throat at the sight before you. Everything was… animated. It was as if you had been transported into an actual cartoon. Not only that, but it also appeared that you were surrounded by bizarre and slightly terrifying anthropomorphic creatures. Oh, shit. What kind of drug-induced haze did you get yourself into? Did you unknowingly drop acid? Did someone sneak an insane quantity of magic mushrooms into your lunch? No, no, no, this couldn’t be possible.

Rubbing your eyes in bewilderment, you choked down a terrified sob before daring to look around once again. Much to your dismay, your surroundings remained the same. 

As the surreal scene unfolded around you, grappling with its absurdity became an overwhelming challenge. A peculiar character advanced toward you, and in response, your instinctive reaction was to defensively raise your hands. Yet, as your eyes fell upon your own hands, a startled yelp escaped your lips. To your horror, they mirrored the animated and eerily two-dimensional nature of the bizarre world that enveloped you.

A wave of nausea swept over you, a sickening churn in your stomach as the surreal reality unfolded. The foundations of your understanding crumbled, leaving you in a disorienting state of disbelief. It felt like a twisted nightmare, an aberration that defied logic. The pressing question lingered: why weren't you waking up from this distorted dreamscape?

Continuing to survey the anomalous scene, your eyes locked onto one of the creepy creatures. Upon further inspection, she appeared to be a cross between a human and a snake, her eyes glowing yellow as she stared daggers at you.

“Where am I?” you questioned, your voice hoarse and thick with emotion.

The snake-girl cackled before hissing back at you, “Isn’t it obvious, girl? You’re in Hell!”

Hell? Is that what happened? You died, plummeted to Hell, and this was your eternal torment?

When you didn’t respond, one of the other creatures grew impatient, addressing you with a thunderous voice, “Why do you still look completely human? Are you alive or dead?”

“I don’t… I don’t know,” you murmured, shaking your head, still trying to cope with your current predicament.

Suddenly, you felt a firm grip on your arm as one of the beasts grabbed you harshly, raising you to your feet. “I call dibs! Finders keepers!”

“That’s bullshit!” one of the other beings snarled in return. “I saw her first!”

A tumult of heated exchanges echoed through the crowd, as each creature vied to claim you as their own. The air crackled with fervent disputes, some demanding specific body parts with unsettling propositions like, "Can I snag her left arm?" or "Dibs on her foot!" The macabre negotiations reached a disturbing crescendo, amplifying the sense of dread that permeated the surreal atmosphere.

Just as you teetered on the brink of a complete mental collapse, a distinctly light and feminine voice cut through the raucous crowd. "Everyone, stop! There’s no need for violence! Let’s keep our hands, claws, and any additional adjacent limbs to ourselves, please!"

The crowd quieted before they begrudgingly parted to reveal a far less terrifying-looking inhabitant, who, at first glance, seemed more human than the rest of the animalistic mob. She appeared to be a young woman with large doe eyes, long blonde hair, and red, rosy cheeks, giving her a somewhat innocent and endearing aura.

"There's nothing to see here, folks! The, uh… warm welcome for our newest sinner is appreciated, but she's coming with me," she declared authoritatively, though her demeanor was timid, as if she was nervously unsure of herself.

"Over my dead body!" one of the other creatures bellowed, followed by multiple jeers and agreement from the rest.

The young woman snarled, catching you off-guard when her face abruptly morphed into something else entirely. Horns sprouted from her head while her eyes glared with multiple shades of red hues. Baring sharp teeth, her menacing expression instantly silenced the others. After a brief moment, she effortlessly returned to her former and much less terrifying self. "As princess of Hell and heir to the throne, I hereby decree that this particular sinner is under my protection… um… until further notice. Okay?"

Without warning, you were harshly shoved from behind, causing you to stumble towards the proclaimed princess who had just declared ownership over you.

She met your eyes with a tender smile, placing a hand on your shoulder before leaning toward you to speak in a hushed voice, "You're safe now, I promise. Just follow my lead."

All you could manage was a shaky nod, still unable to speak, though you were relieved that she came to your aid.

As you and the princess distanced yourselves from the ravenous mob, a clamor of discontent echoed behind you. They continued to hiss and growl in disapproval, clearly disappointed that they weren't able to feast on your flesh and bones… or do god knows what else. 

Your mind was foggy as you followed the princess to whatever unknown location she was leading you to. Dazed and feeling woozy, you struggled to comprehend your surroundings as you ventured further into what you now knew was Hell. As you repeatedly tried to pinch yourself awake, the realization dawned that this was no dream. Despite the absurdity, it felt too authentic to be a mere creation of your imagination. You couldn't have conjured up an entire world like this on your own.

"My name is Charlie, by the way," the princess greeted, cutting through the awkward silence. "Well, actually, it's Charlotte, but I prefer Charlie."

Barely managing a smile, you nodded again before stuttering out your name in return.

"It's so great to meet you!" she beamed, her smile radiating through the red haze of your surroundings. "So, um… how exactly did you end up here? We've never had an actual living soul… er… human here before! This is so crazy! Where did you come from?"

The princess struggled to contain her bubbling excitement, but her curiosity couldn't be withheld any longer.  You couldn't fault her for it. Amid the overwhelming unease and apprehension, you found yourself equally intrigued by the denizens of Hell, their peculiarities and mysteries stirring a profound curiosity within you. Despite this mutual fascination, you struggled to articulate the questions that swirled in your mind. The challenge of navigating your bewildering circumstances left you grappling for words, making the prospect of engaging in conversation even more daunting.

"Honestly… I don't know how I got here. My recent memories are hazy, at best. The last thing I can remember is visiting an antique shop. Next thing I know, I'm plummeting through different planes of existence that I didn't even know existed before I eventually landed in a place comparable to Alice in Wonderland's drug-induced nightmares, all while simultaneously morphing into a cartoon."

The princess tilted her head, perplexed by your descriptions. "A cartoon?" she questioned tentatively. "What is that, exactly?"

You gawked at her for a moment. Did she really not know? "Um… it's what you are. A cartoon is an illustration. A drawing. An exaggerated caricature based on real-life people, places, and everything in between. You know… cartoons?"

She maintained a puzzled stare, displaying evident confusion as she struggled to comprehend the unusual juxtaposition between the two-dimensional and three-dimensional realms you poorly attempted to convey. Expressing such an unconventional concept proved to be a challenging task.

In an effort to bridge the gap, you highlighted the stark distinctions between your reality and hers. "Where I come from, everything looks different compared to this place. For starters, it's not as… red." Oof. You really needed to work on your descriptive abilities. "Animations are a mimic of reality, so to speak. The people and places they're based on are created by artists, and their purpose is usually to tell stories and entertain an audience. The way you and your world look… Well, it's what we call a cartoon. It's… difficult to explain." 

Despite your endeavors, the intricacies of this explanation appeared to elude her, leaving an air of uncertainty. "I see..." she trailed off, clearly unsure of how to respond to that kind of information.

"So, uh," you stumbled, your hands awkwardly fidgeting as you attempted to steer the conversation in a different direction. "About those creatures back there—what's the deal with them? You look different from them. More like me, I guess?"

She smiled warmly at you, easing the tension a bit. "Those are Sinners, the inhabitants of this Ring of Hell. They were alive once, but now they're here in our Kingdom. Their appearance is less human-like because once the living descend to Hell, they become demons and lose some of their human attributes. They can be a little... aggressive." That was putting it mildly. "I look different because I'm not from the human world. I was born here in Hell."

"That's... pretty bizarre," you mused, the words more of a quiet reflection directed at yourself than a statement meant for her ears.

"Well, we can talk more about it later when you've had a chance to adjust. We're almost there!" she squealed with excitement.

"Where exactly are we headed?" you questioned, a tinge of uncertainty coloring your words as you debated whether to mirror her enthusiasm.

A discernible twinkle illuminated her eyes as she exclaimed, "I'm taking you to the Hazbin Hotel! It's the first-ever facility of its kind with its own demon-rehabilitation program!"

Charlie radiated pride as she spoke about the project, though the notion of a demon-rehabilitation facility in Hell struck you as nonsensical. "You have your own demon-rehabilitating facility? ...In Hell? Does that really work? I mean, isn't Hell supposed to be eternal punishment for whatever mistakes were made in life?"

"Well," she murmured shyly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before a surge of confidence overcame her. "It's still a work in progress, but I believe in it! In fact, we've recently employed some new staff members who are already providing some much-needed improvements!"

The entire conversation felt utterly absurd. In what twisted universe was demon rehabilitation a legitimate topic of discussion? Well, apparently, in this one. Wrapping your brain around the concept was a formidable challenge, and you harbored doubts about ever fully coming to terms with it. Nevertheless, this bizarre reality was your current existence, and accepting it became a necessary step if you wanted to navigate this unfamiliar terrain unscathed.

"Hey, for what it's worth, I find your mission really inspiring," you chimed in, making an effort to convey genuine compassion for her cause. "I mean, who wouldn't want a shot at redemption, right?"

Her hand found its way to her heart as Charlie bestowed upon you the most sincere and kind expression, releasing a sigh of relief. "Thank you, truly. I wish others were more optimistic about the idea."

As you strolled along, you observed Charlie's deliberate choice of secluded paths, steering clear of prying eyes and potential hazards. She offered a brief overview of Hell's districts, referred to by the various Rings. Gradually, she unveiled the revelation that you had landed in Pentagram City, situated within the Pride Ring. You had wondered if the other remaining Rings were similar to the one you found yourself in, or if they were perhaps better, or even worse. 

"We're here!" Charlie announced with genuine excitement as you turned the final corner. Her demeanor exuded pure radiance, and you couldn't help but wonder how this gentle soul could possibly be the Princess of Hell. It made no logical sense. Then again, nothing about that day did. 

Upon arriving at the hotel, you regarded the towering establishment in awe. It defied all logic, seemingly indifferent to the laws of physics, but such anomalies were par for the course in this cartoonish realm.

The majestic hotel stood as a resplendent and imposing structure. However, its grandeur was quickly overshadowed by an array of adjacent anomalies that seemed utterly out of place. Among these peculiarities stood a steam train engine,  a massive dilapidated boat,  a somewhat operational carousel, and an enigmatic blimp jutting out from the upper floors. Lastly, perched at the pinnacle, an old-fashioned radio tower bore a bright neon sign proclaiming 'On Air,' its luminosity likely visible for miles. The overall concept of the building evoked the imagery of a glitch in the Matrix, a surreal spectacle that defied conventional expectations..

Shaking off the initial stupor induced by the colossal structure, you trailed behind Charlie as she led you inside. The moment you crossed the threshold, you were greeted by a regal entryway that hinted at the grandeur awaiting you within. The architecture proved to be peculiar, to say the least, aligning seamlessly with the unsightly exterior. Everything within bore an exaggerated and uniquely eldritch stylization, a characteristic you found yourself gradually warming up to as you ventured further.

Advancing through the entrance and into the lobby, a mirror caught your attention from the corner of your eye. Approaching it with a mix of eagerness and trepidation, you swallowed hard as you braced to witness your body in illustrated form. When your reflection finally emerged, an unexpected burst of laughter escaped you. To your immense relief, you remained unmistakably yourself, albeit with features tweaked to align with the aesthetic of this newfound universe. The transition wasn't as jarring as you had initially feared, yet the surreal nature of the transformation lingered. Surprisingly, you found yourself navigating this unconventional reality with a semblance of sanity. Perhaps the expected delirium was delayed and would later emerge during a solitary moment of contemplation.  Ah, yes, the impending existential panic seemed far more plausible.

Aware of the inner turmoil brewing within you, Charlie approached cautiously from behind, her voice soft and gentle, likely to avoid startling you. "Take a moment, okay? I'll go get my partner, and then we can figure out a plan of action together!"

Canting your head in agreement, you observed Charlie as she skipped down the hall and vanished around a corner, leaving you alone with a cascade of thoughts. What was your next move? How could you find your way back home? Was escaping this bizarre realm even within the realm of possibility? And, most pressing, how could the hopeful and sweet Charlie protect you from the barbaric monsters that seemed intent on your demise?

Amidst the torrent of questions and concerns flooding your mind, a sudden chill in the air seized your attention, sending an involuntary shiver down your spine. Dismissing it as mere happenstance, you were caught off guard when a high-pitched ringing pierced the air, prompting you to flinch in discomfort. Scanning your surroundings, you struggled to pinpoint the source of the disconcerting sound.

Your unease escalated when a highly pronounced and static-filled voice, laden with malevolence, jolted you, alerting you to a foreboding presence behind you. "Well, well! What have we here?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter End Notes: For those of you who have been reading since the beginning, how do you feel about the changes? I am open to any and all criticism.

Chapter 2: HERE

[xenosagaepisodeone]

supersize me is incredible in how potently hateful it is. it's as if the pop culture wasteland of the 2000s suffocated spurlock's brain to the point where whatever synapses that hadn't shriveled up were only left capable of firing off the same demand to keep punching down at all costs that every halfwit with access to cable news and a desire to 'tell it how it is' seemed to have been afflicted with. everyone knows the methodology in this doc is bunk, but what's missing from the conversation is how this film is another artifact of antagonizing incurious dipshit libertarian smarming about how the sheepish masses cannot just simply get with the program and be better. "americans are fat fat fat fat so fucking fat and they love it so much that they'll let their kids eat the same slop that they serve in prison" "wait, back up. the same apparatus that provides elementary school lunches also supplies prison food? and you're saying the cost of healthier food isn't all that much more? is there anything here worth looking into further?" "no. but have this clip of this random guy talking about how we should heckle fat people like how we heckle smokers". what made this film notable for its time was how it was less focused on how being fat makes you look (which isn't to say that isn't still a huge component of it. because it is. and spurlock has endless shots of strangers with their faces blurred out to emphasize this), but the alleged deterioration of lifestyle, values and vitality that comes with the depletion of one's physical health. that is to say, the film is arguing that failing to live a regimented lifestyle causes one to fall into a state of moral decay. this is the buried lede, because ultimately this film is actually-actually about an alcoholic externalizing the complex he has towards his own lack of self control onto fat people.

it is no wonder why elementary school health teachers in the aughts were quick to deploy it in classrooms at the same rate they did photos of STIs in place of actual sex ed. the imagery of this greasy motherfucker throwing up in his car is meant to serve the same purpose in telling kids that this is what happens when they can't control themselves. when a corporation is blamed for something, it's only inasmuch as it enables people to be dumb and fat. spurlock points out how mcdonald's predatory advertising normalizes it's products in places it should not be (hospitals in particular), which you think would warrant further discussion- but in line with pushing responsibility onto the role of the individual, this is framed as merely mcdonalds tricking customers instead of actively encroaching on their way of life via invading media and legislature. no, the real villains are cafeteria lunch ladies, who are not instilling discipline in your children unlike National Weight Loss Hero Jared Fogle, who educates children around the world. one can only imagine that spurlock's libertarian values compel him to feel a sense of kinship.

the funniest part of this film was the one doctor who seemed to know that he was bullshitting about not having any drinking habits but doesn't want to be up front about confronting him. at first he comments on how how spurlock's liver resembles one belonging to someone engaged in long term alcohol abuse, and then later in the film he gives some generic lip service in response to spurlock's report like 'well, i wouldn't think that fast food and liver health are connected, but your report seems to indicate otherwise' before cutting straight to "whatever you're doing, stop pickling your liver". also at another point spurlock goes "lunch time" and there's a hard cut to some fat mcdonalds employees and he's trying so hard to evoke disgust with all of these shots but my response to these baddies is just "zamn looks like they got dinner and dessert too 🥵🥵💦💦💦💦💦💦💦"

but anyway