#wait till they find out what happened to yun

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Hey yumiiiii hope you're doing great! So yeah while I was reading Guerrilla I realised.. the whole skewed morals where they kill people who are criminals and have ways to evade law.. is kind of what happens in my fic Black Pirates (I swear I didn't abandon it but yeah it feels like I forgot about it 😃) and I was thinking I have to let you know that it's going to be similar going forward.. and stay in he clear yk cuz it was a coincidence.. but THEN I remembered.. ateez in my fic don't kill anybody they just .. raid and steal stuff from them to hand them over to people that have been wronged by them. So NOT EXACTLY THE SAME XD and I also realised that the chaps I released so far does mention that so phew I'm in the clear... but yeah 😭😭😭 I thought I should mention it 😭😭

Even tho later the plot curves into more complicated stuff (I have it planned but haven't written it 😃) but yeah it's the whole robinhood thing and taking law into their own hands cuz the criminals can evade law.

Again YOU'RE SO GOOD AT WRITING I always fangirled over it and will continue to do so :D

Also I plan to write a oneshot surrounding an idea I had in mind and you have written a few inspired fics so I think you'd be the best person to consult about it.. so will you be interested to proof read or help me figure out the plot of that some time

🥺👉🏻👈🏻 I'LL BE REALLY GLAD IF YOU DO SO♡

Till then HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT AND will be waiting for any future works you post cuz I'll be READY TO FANGIRL ☺✨

-hana ♡

HAHA pls yes you're in the clear (why you making it sound like i'm sending serial killer yunho after you if i find it sus) (if you still want serial killer yun at your doorsteps lemme know) and i remember black pirates has similar stuff but honestly this 'vigilante' trope where they take the law into their own hands isn't a new trope! i bet a lot of people have written about that so you really don't need to warn me of anything, your black pirates fic is a unique work! (i promise i'm reading it soon hehe i hope you don't abandon it bc where i left it was just getting interesting!!) you're so cute and kind warning me like this tho 😭😭 like you don't need to do any of that come here lemme hug you 😭😭

i have very little attention span and i dont think i can proofread (i have my own little proofreader for my fics LOL) BUT i'll be up for some plot discussion any time of the day, it's what i'm good at! i really enjoy sharing plot ideas with anyone so don't hesitate to ask me when the time comes <3

thank you hana and have a great day/night too! as for my future wip, i have 0 words written so far (this girlie needed a break) but i'm hoping to post sth in the first week of march, so fingers crossed that i make that deadline hehe!

[ireceived-p8250000]

September 1-7, 2013

Things mellowed down a bit this week, though I’m still scared. I replied to that account asking who he was. He responded that he was indeed Professor Apollo. On Monday, I went to school to meet with Mansoor but had another purpose. I went to CTE and looked for Professor Apollo.

I saw him rushing out to meet me.

"What's up?" he asked. He looked good in casual clothes; I have to admire that because his work clothes are terrible.

"He's still on blotter," I said. "They found him and he got charged, but I'm not pursuing it."

He frowned a bit.

"Baka balikan ka," he said.

"Well, good luck to me, di ba?"

"Hindi ito joke. Girls like you might find a worse fate if you don't pursue it."

"Kung papalag siya, it will get to court. But turns out hindi pa naman. My parents knew about it already."

"Yun naman pala eh."

"My parents are sick. My dad was a cop, my sisters are lawyers. I know how this goes, and it's going to be stressful on them. I'll live; my parents won’t anymore."

He made that face—disappointed and frustrated at the same time. I gave him a paper bag.

"Thank you anyway, but that's just it. Personal choice ko naman yun. I'll be fine."

"Ano to?"

"Something I made." I handed him tonkatsu rice. He took it anyway.

He stared at me for a few good seconds. "Basta mag-ingat ka," he said, nodding, and I went on my way.

I met Mansoor immediately after his org meeting. Walt was also there, and we planned on playing volleyball tomorrow at Pinsao, just us.

By Tuesday, we went there, but the rain was strong. The only people who showed up were the girls, Dom, Sam, Walt, Mans, and Justin. We bought a ball in the morning and played. The rain continued into the afternoon, but we had a meeting for the sports event for intramurals. It rained hard by 2 PM. We were battling the strong rain, trying to get to Mia's house. We gave in and played in the rain. I jumped into the puddle and splashed them. We eventually got into Mia's house. We had to borrow Mia's clothes, but all I got were really short shorts. Mans gave me his jacket, so I wrapped it around my waist. We ate there after we showered. The exit from their house was funny because we had to jump out of the window, and it was slippery.

We continued at Faces bar and had some drinks. Mansoor drinks too but not too much. I only had one bottle. By 8 PM, my parents were calling me already, so I had to get home. Mansoor also decided to leave. We left for a while and found a spot to get a cab. I kissed him on the cheek before I got in.

When I got home, my dad was waiting by the shed. I told him it was okay, but he expressed his worry.

"I feel very heavy when you're not here, and it's nighttime. You should quit that job. Why do you even need it?" Dad asked.

I made a compromise that if it happened again, I would quit, but I need to earn money for traveling. They asked how much, and I said 50k. They said they'd get it for me, but I said no. I didn’t want a fight. I just wanted them to chill.

I plan to read some classics I bought, like Lady Bovary.

September 4, 2013

Wednesday, I did chores in the morning and wrote a blog article in the afternoon before heading to work. To my surprise, Sir Apollo was there, looking for Filipiniana books.

I had to leave the till to assist him. "Wait sir, nasa taas kasi." I climbed the ladder and retrieved his book. But as I stepped down, I almost missed a step.

"Shit," I swore. He grabbed me by the waist easily to prevent me from falling. I turned around, and our bodies were suddenly very close. He was looking at me, lips slightly parted, and I could hear his scattered breathing. I felt hypnotized, rooted to the spot. His hands didn't leave my waist. We stood there, the book he was looking for now a barrier between us. I felt his warm breath when his lips found mine, pressing against them. I immediately responded with a kiss. We were kissing! We were kissing? When his one hand scooped my back to deepen the kiss, I pushed him away.

"Ah-- I-check out ko na ba to?" I was shaking a bit. He was heavily breathing.

That shouldn't have happened.

It seemed that he too had awakened from the trance.

"Uhh, sure." He wiped his lips. I practically ran down the stairs, going back to the till.

He followed closely behind.

"This is 520," I told him while packing his book, my voice trembling slightly.

He looked at me, his eyes lingering, then fished out a thousand-peso bill. I handed him his change, trying to avoid his gaze. But then he held my hand.

"Pag-usapan natin yun," he said softly, his voice almost pleading.

"That's a bad idea," I replied, my voice firmer this time. My heart was still racing from the kiss, and I couldn't let myself be weak.

Customers came in, providing the perfect distraction. I took my hand back quickly. "Thank you for your purchase, sir."

He left, but his eyes stayed on me until he was out the door. I watched him leave, my mind a whirlwind of guilt and confusion. I was mad at myself for being that weak. I know he is attractive, but I have a boyfriend.

I hated myself for allowing the moment to happen, for the brief lapse in judgment that could jeopardize my relationship with Mansoor. The warmth of the kiss lingered on my lips, and I felt a pang of guilt thinking about Mansoor, who trusted me. I had crossed a line, and the weight of my actions settled heavily in my chest.

Why did I let that happen? I scolded myself silently. I tried to shake off the feeling, but it clung to me like a second skin. The memory of Sir Apollo's touch, his breath on my lips, and the intensity of that brief kiss haunted me for the rest of the day.

September 4-7, 2013

At home by Thursday, I stumbled upon an article about graphic designing online. It mentioned Odesk, a freelance platform, so I checked it out. Intrigued, I applied and made my profile. By Saturday, I received an invitation to apply for a job.

The job was for business design. I showed my school portfolio from 2010 and some of the thumbnails I had made. It turned out to be for YouTube videos and a blog thumbnail, both educational. They offered me $50 per design, with the possibility of needing four designs a week. I agreed immediately. Excited, I sent my resignation letter right away, explaining that I had found another job that required me to stay home due to my parents' stress.

My boss accepted my resignation immediately and understood my situation, but I had to wait a week for a replacement.

Over this week, I met Mansoor four times. We hung out at cafes and played badminton together. I wished I could tell my parents about him, but I didn’t want to freak them out.

I tried to bury the incident with Sir Apollo. But on Saturday night, he came back to the bookstore to get another title. Lloyd was there, and none of us left the till. Lloyd asked me to unwrap a box so we could start displaying the new books. I felt relieved because it meant I could avoid Apollo's eyes. His eyes always seemed full of meaning, making it hard to forget what had happened between us.

I had to leave the till to assist him. "Wait sir, nasa taas kasi," I said, climbing the ladder to retrieve the Filipiniana book he needed. As I carefully descended, my heart pounded with the adrenaline rush of almost losing my footing."Shit," I murmured, still shaky from the close call. Before I could fully recover, his strong arms encircled my waist, pulling me back to safety. Startled, I turned to face him, finding our bodies unexpectedly close. His eyes bore into mine, lips slightly parted, his breath mingling with mine in the confined space.Time seemed to slow as his hands remained securely around my waist, a comforting yet electrifying touch. The book lay forgotten between us, our proximity intensifying the charged atmosphere. His warm breath caressed my lips as he leaned in, his movements slow and deliberate.Our lips met, and there was an immediate spark. His mouth moved against mine, gentle at first, exploring. I felt a rush of heat as his kiss deepened, his lips parting mine with a hunger that matched my own conflicted desire. His hand slid from my waist to the small of my back, anchoring me closer to him, deepening the connection.Every sensation was heightened—the softness of his lips against mine, the subtle taste of coffee lingering on his breath, the warmth spreading from where our bodies pressed together. His lips moved with mine, a dance of urgency and restraint, each movement calculated yet fervent.I leaned into the kiss, caught between wanting to pull away and craving more of his touch. The gentle pressure of his lips, the way they molded against mine, sent shivers down my spine. I reciprocated, matching the rhythm of his kiss, allowing myself to be drawn deeper into the moment despite the alarms ringing in my mind.Reality crashed back with sudden clarity. This shouldn't be happening. With a gasp, I gently pushed him away, breaking the spell that had enveloped us. "Ah-- I-check out ko na ba to?" I managed to stammer, my voice betraying the tremor of emotions inside me. He seemed to snap out of whatever trance had held us both captive."Uhh, sure," he replied, wiping his lips with a slight hint of confusion. I hastily packed his book, trying to regain my composure. He followed closely as I descended the stairs back to the till, the charged silence between us echoing loudly."This is 520," I said, my voice trembling slightly as I handed him the packed book. His eyes bore into mine, searching for something I wasn't ready to understand.He retrieved a thousand-peso bill, his touch lingering on mine as he accepted the change. Just when I thought the moment might pass, he reached out and took my hand."Pag-usapan natin yun," he said softly, his tone pleading, his touch gentle yet insistent."That's a bad idea," I replied, my voice firmer this time, though my heart raced with conflicted emotions. I pulled my hand away quickly as customers entered the shop, grateful for the distraction they provided. "Thank you for your purchase, sir."He nodded slowly, his gaze following me until he turned and left the store. I watched him go, my mind swirling with guilt and confusion. I was furious with myself for letting it happen. Despite his undeniable allure, I had a boyfriend, and I knew I had to set boundaries.

[thoughtfulstudentsalad]

Yona has her mother’s future seeing powers

[seonghwa-is-babie]

Protective pup

Y/n And yunho haven't gotten the best response to coming out, getting a lot of hate from antis, unfortunately, y/n got a bit more than just online hate, all because he looked too scary and intimidating with his height and tattoos

Yunho x male reader

Warning: slight angst (cursing, bruises, crying)

Note: sorry if this made u cry ;-;, and that the ending's a bit awkward

Today was a wreck for y/n, ever since he and his boyfriend, Yunho came out as a couple, he's been getting a lot of hate from both fans and non-fans. y/n tried to stay strong in front of him, but in reality he didn't know how much hate he could handle anymore, since it was escalating to physical harassment

It wasn't uncommon for him to come home with bruises, but he did his best to hide them from yunho, he was already stressed with their comeback being right around the corner

Today was another one of those days where he got beat up for being in a relationship with their 'oppar'

🐶

Once he got home he expected to be welcomed by his boyfriend, Yunho, with open arms, but he wasn't home at the moment, so y/n decided to text him

________________________________________

you: baby why aren't you home? I thought you were done by now?

Yunho🐶❤️: They're making us practise a bit longer for our comeback

you: When are you coming home then? I miss you...

Yunho🐶❤️: We're almost done, don't worry :)

Yunho🐶❤️: love you😘😘❤️

_______________________________________

Deciding he had enough time left to hopefully cover up the wounds, he went to the bathroom to get some bandages for the cuts, and foundations for the bruises

🐶

After bandaging up his arms and putting on a decent amount of makeup to cover up the bruises

He turned off his phone, hoping to not see anymore notifications from comments under anything he posts "maybe he is better off without me, or he can find someone else who's so much better than me, who isn't hated" as he started to think, he couldn't help but cry from it, falling asleep after the crying had tired him out.

At practice🐶

"alright from the top guys, five six seven eight" they went over their choreography once again "yunho your footing's wrong, you're supposed to go like this" the instructor demonstrated "sorry sir, I won't do it again" they repeated it, only for him to do another part wrong, repeating this problem until the members decided to address it

"yunho, you've been a bit out of rhythm since our break, is everything okay?" seonghwa asked concerned "I don't know hyung, maybe cause of..."

San looked at him confused "cause of what, Yunho?" he looked down "y/n sent a text asking why I wasn't at home and after I explained why, I don't know why, but his reply seemed so sad, he didn't even say I love you back, and I think I know why" the older didn't fully understand

"well, why do you think he's sad?" yunho looked down "I think it might be because of the hate we've been getting for coming out, I've deleted all social media of off my phone, but I don't know if he did it as well."

"yunho, maybe you should go home to check on him" Hongjoong said, concerned for the yunho's boyfriend, he knew him quite well and knew that despite his intimidating exterior, he was a gentle soul "but what about practice?"

wooyoung pushed him towards the door "that's not important right now, what is, is that you go home and check up on your boyfriend"

🐶

"I'm home" yunho said, expecting a hug and a kiss from his boyfriend, but all he saw was an empty living room, like he had feared "maybe he went to bed already? That's strange, normally he waits for me to get back" he went up the stairs to their shared bedroom, hoping to find the other there

To his surprise, he did, though he was already asleep, so he tried his best not to wake his lover up, sadly he did wake up because y/n was a pretty light sleeper

"Yunho?" he turned around to face his lover, he smiled "hey, I'm home, I missed you" he went closer to his lover, only then noticing the tear stains and the slightly red eyes "why did you cry? Did something happen?" he hoped to deer God that it wasn't the hate, but just a bad day at work

"i'm fine, don't worry about it" he tried grabbing yunho's arm to stop him from further inspecting his body, but that backfired as the sleeve came up and exposed the bandages, which yunho obviously saw

"oh my gosh! What did you do? Did someone hurt you?" tears started to slip from y/n's eyes and he turned over to his back "babe please, I'm worried about you" y/n turned back to yunho, the years exposing his makeup "hold on one minute, please"

He came back with a a few makeup wipes "may I?" y/n decided to no longer hide what people were doing to him and nodded. As yunho started gently wiping off the makeup, his face contorted into one of shock "how'd that happen, honey?"

"....Your fans, they've been harassing me on and off social media, on it, they always say I don't D-deserve you, that I-I'm a heartless ass hole who doesn't know how to properly care for you. But off...... Yunho.... I'm not sure if you know how much it hurts not only physically, but mentally as well. I've tried to stay strong, but I don't know how much longer I can take it"

at this point he was sobbing, something Yunho had never seen before. He sat next to his slightly taller boyfriend and rubbed the others back "I-I didn't know it go that bad..... I didn't think they would go that far. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you sooner" both began to cry in each others arms

🐶

"I promise you I will do something about this, I hate to see you go through so much pain" yunho said, sitting in y/n's lap "maybe we could do something together?" the younger nodded, before getting up from the older's lap and grabbing his phone, texting someone "who're you texting?" yunho made room for y/n to look over his shoulder

"just my manager to ask him if I can do a V-live to address what's going on" the older tensed up "are you sure that's a good idea?" the younger nodded "we don't have to if you don't feel comfortable with it" y/n thought about it

"I don't want you to do this alone, but I don't know if I can face the camera right now" Yunho tried to think of something they could do "how about...... You lay your head on my lap facing away from the camera, that way, you'll still be there with me, but don't have to see any negative comments" y/n nodded

🐶

Yunho got his phone positioned where they could see both him and y/n and waited until enough people joined in "hey guys.... This isn't going to be a happy vlive today, instead I want to address something that's been a problem lately" he could already see some hate comments on screen "ever since I came out with my boyfriend, we've been getting a lot of hate, me getting only a bit of what y/n has been going through, I normally trust you guys and love you all, but harassing y/n for being together with me is just wrong"

"but oppar he isn't right for uuuu"

"we love a protective bf, preach🏳️‍🌈"

"not our fault you're both filthy homosexuals😒"

"hope u guys still know there's fans out there who support you two, we love you💙💙💙"

"but he doesn't treat u right unlike I would"

"for the people who think y/n doesn't treat me right because of how he looks, he's the sweetest guy I could've asked for, he knows what I like and dislike, how to cheer me up. Why can't you guys see that, is all you guys see a tall scary man with tattoos, or the sweet, loving person laying beside me"

y/n started to cry again and buried his face into yunho's thighs, Yunho brought him up to comfort him, y/n still facing away from the camera "it's okay, it's gonna be fine, we're gonna sort this out alright?" the youngest went to wipe his tears, the older leaning into those touches from him

"guys, you should stop... Look how much we're hurting him and y/n"

"oppar he'll just use you"

"look at how much they care about each other, how could you hate them?🥺🥺🥺🥺"

"guys please, I can't stand seeing him this unhappy and sad, seeing him with so many bruises and cuts, and him not even being able to face the camera because of you guys. This has to stop, or we will have to take drastic measures in order to keep ourselves save" y/n looked at his boyfriend, a bit scared but also relieved that this might just be a solution to their problem

"yunho, are you sure this is what we should do?" he asked, still unsure of what to do "I know many fans probably won't like it, but this is what I have to do if I want to keep you and myself safe" he took in a deep breath before looking back towards his phone "we will be deleting our social media from our phones, and if we catch any of you harassing me or y/n, you will be blacklisted and will get a restraining order from us" he ended the live

🐶

"are you okay baby?" y/n asked yunho  "no, I just-" he began to cry "I just can't believe that they would do so many awful things just because we're together" the older pulled him closer "I guess that's the harsh reality of idol life, because of the way you're supposed to act towards fans, it gives them a false sense of hope. I wish things were different, but sadly we can't change it, not in one day that is. This stuff is going to take time for people to accept, but i'm sure that when some more time has passed, people will accept it, as there will be more like us in the future"

"how can you be so sure of it? Maybe people will start to resent it even more" he looked up at y/n "I don't know what the future holds, but I do know we can influence it, you're a role model for people, if they see from you that it's okay, I'm sure many people will follow"

they stayed in each other's arms, eventually falling asleep, but not before saying one last thing to each other "I love you yunho, with all my heart, and I hope our country will allow us to be together till the end" yunho snuggled closer to y/n "you mean like getting married and stuff? I'd love to get married to you, and I hope we can in the future too"

They shared a quick peck before cuddling up once more and going to sleep for the night

[atinybitofau]

Y U N H O ⤁ the breakup

WHERE YOU HAVE A BROTHER AND HE’S YUNHO’S BEST FRIEND

a/n: give me time okay lol. I know these have been kind of bad recently but I’ll get back on it I promise. forgive me 😭😭

• 5 years away from home might be a lot.

• it actually is.

• and you do kind of miss it.

• but you don’t miss the reason why you left.

• lord knows you should’ve gotten over it by now.

• and you do need a vacation.

• “Y/n, come home.”

• you had your phone between your shoulder and ear, while folding the last of your laundry.

• the single and lonely life of living away from home starting to bore you completely.

• “I can’t just go home. You know that.”

• your brother thinks you’re an idiot.

• not because he knows why you left home.

• but he kind of also does.

• “One weekend. Please. It’s the least you can do for not just me but for yourself.”

• you know he’s absolutely right.

• that your life has been more tiring and intolerable only because you’re alone.

• maybe..

• maybe you do miss home.

• (and maybe you kind of miss him too)

• “Fine. ONE weekend. I’ll think about it.”

• you’re thinking about it took at least two days.

• now you plan to surprise your brother at his town home,

• bags in your hands,

• smiling like an idiot when you knock on his doors.

• but when you’re met with a half naked man of your past—

• the SOLE reason you left home in the first place,

• you forget why you’re smiling like an idiot.

• only wanting to slap the real one until he stops.

• “Yunho, don’t touch my shit!”

• he holds his hands up in surrender,

• too scared to say a word. too scared to explain himself.

• while you call your brother hand on your hip and ears blowing with smoke.

• you are on the verge of screaming your lungs out.

• “You want to tell me why my ex is house sitting your place? THE WEEKEND I PLAN TO VISIT YOU?!”

• your brother sounds shocked.

• stuttering over and over again.

• and you’re staring at your guilty ex across you ready to combust.

• “I can’t believe you. You convince me to come home after years of avoiding this jackass and he’s at your fucking house?! Death won’t even assure both me and you of our futures right now.”

• your brother sighs. “I forgot to tell you I was going out of town for tonight. He’ll only be there till I get back.”

• “I’m getting a hotel.”

• your brother knows.

• that you two secretly dated behind his back.

• doesn’t know that Yunho apparently cheated on you during that time,

• kept it a secret for two months breaking your heart,

• making you leave home...

• making you feel alone for that long.

• your brother would probably kill him.

• but Yunho didn’t only make you happy once.

• he also made your brother happy.

• and if it’s tolerating him for a night, then so be it.

• you’ll just have to leave for a couple hours I mean what’s the worst that can happen?

• “Where are you going?”

• you press your fingers against your temples as you stop in front of the door,

• dressed in a tight outfit—

• screaming I need a night away from my ex, will you take me in.

• though Yunho wasn’t pleased. not at all.

• “You can’t just leave without telling me.”

• not again, he thinks.

• he doesn’t know what he did wrong back then.

• you claimed he cheated on you when he didn’t.

• he remembers a woman in the past that might’ve been the reason but you never gave him a chance to explain?

• all he ever wanted was to talk to you.

• make things clear that he’s always only loved you.

• but when he sees that you’ve apparently stopped, maybe he’s cutting himself a little short.

• why would trying to fix things with you?

• would doing it make either of you happy?

• “I can leave whenever I want. Last time I checked, I didn’t have somebody to tell me when I can and can’t go out.”

• he’s seeing stars—

• black ones as he stands to protest, “No you don’t. But you sure as hell aren’t going out looking like that.”

• he thinks you haven’t changed a bit.

• you’re still the gorgeous little thing he fell in love with.

• doesn’t doubt another man would’ve found you that way too.

• “Yunho, you haven’t seen me in years. So don’t act like you can control what I do. What I want to do. When I think I should move on?”

• “You left me!” he retaliates, your fear burning in both your eyes. “You don’t realize that for five years I’ve been trying to find a way to you again. Trying to explain to you you were wrong!”

• “For five fucking years?” you almost cry when you face him, “You spent 5 useless years trying when you didn’t try hard enough. Waited. Yeah I waited for you too but 5 years long enough.”

• he hasn’t changed.

• still gorgeous to the bone.

• still tall and powerful.

• argues for your sake, not his.

• but it hurts, you know?

• knowing...

• this whole time you might’ve been wrong.

• and it took 5 years to come back home to realize?

• “I told your brother.” he explains eyes still studying your outfit with displeasure. “How we dated? I had to ask him why you left. Why you didn’t tell me you thought I cheated? When I didn’t.”

• “Don’t lie to me.”

• “When have I?” he seethes through gritted teeth,

• knowing you were wrong.

• knowing..

• he’s only wasted 5 years chasing you because you weren’t running away.

• you were hiding.

• “When have I ever lied to you?”

• “When you kissed her. When you loved her more than me? Yunho, maybe that’s when you lied.”

• “When you thought I was lying.”

• he’s angry.

• at himself and you.

• because that entire time loving you, you forced him to stop when he didn’t want to.

• and you have the audacity to say he didn’t have the right to control you?

• “You’re the lousy ex that cheated. Cheated to get away from me.”


• he takes his things and leaves you behind.

• and there’s this pang of guilt on your chest.

• the heaviest weight in your shoulders—

• because you know you spent years trying to get away from him instead of years trying to stay.

• “You’ve been crying.” your brother wipes the dry tears on your face as he joins you for a morning cup of coffee the minute he arrives. “Why?”

• “Yunho..”

• he sighs smiling slightly.

• finally.

• he doesn’t have to blame anyone anymore.

• knowing that you were always wrong.

• how could he take a side that wasn’t his sisters? even if you were wrong.

• “I told you to come home.”

• your lips frown. “I’ve always been afraid.. of being left behind. That maybe I started to leave people behind before it could happen to me.”

• your brother feels that.

• knows you left him too.

• but what matters is that he won’t make you happy right now.

• but he knows who will.

• “Go home.”

• your eyebrows furrow. “What? I am home.”

• “No, y/n. Go home.”

• Yunho.

• your fast on your feet.

• knowing he lived only a couple blocks away.

• ready to stop running once this ten minute sprint ends.

• wanting to just stay for a couple years instead.

• “Y/n, what are you—“

• you throw yourself over to tower his height as best you can.

• lips adjacent to his before you kiss him properly.

• missing him.

• and you really don’t care about the five years difference time makes.

• because 5 years hiding may have been useless

• but you never stopped loving Yunho.

• he obviously never stopped loving you.

• “You ready to hear my explanation now?”

• you stare up at him,

• five years really as useless as you say.

• cause it just feels like you just spent five years loving him from far away.

• “No.” you mumble against his lips warming up to what feels like home. “Can I please just...”

• “Stay?”

• yes you,

• “Wanna come home, Yun. I just want to come home.”

@atinybitofau

[froggybaek]

| based on my “illusion” Netflix concept |

⠀⠀⠀ ↳ “yeosang grew up in an orphanage, not knowing what a real family felt like his entire life. he’s now moved in with a college student named yunho, only to soon realize that his new roommate has an odd habit of sneaking out in the middle of the night and not returning till sunrise. one night, yeosang follows the other boy - just to find a floating vessel outside their bedroom window.”

xx. 1.8k words

xx. angst / fluff

xx. no pairings

    All his life, Yeosang had lived inside a lonesome orphanage. To be honest, he didn’t truly blame his mother for placing him upon those cold, wet steps in front of the looming doors all those years ago. He grew up to understand the cruelties of the world, the loneliness of feeling lost when, in reality, that’s what most people were; lost.

    Even if you did everything right, the world could come crumbling down around you.

    That was the scariest aspect of life in most cases. Yeosang himself suspected that he just happened to be the turning point in his mother’s life, the pebble in the road that made her stumble and scrape her knees. Blood pouring from the temporary injury, wet tears streaming down her cheeks, the woman had no other choice but to give her baby away. The baby, now a young man, didn’t dare hold a grudge against the woman he only knew as his birth mother. According to the oldest boy in the orphanage, Seonghwa, who had light blonde hair as bright as the sun, Yeosang got lucky.

    Other boys and girls were forced to grow up in horrific conditions instead of the quaint orphanage they had the privilege of residing in. They grew up with little to no signs of simple love, or care. Their eyes would close every night in the hopes of a miracle happening, of some hero rescuing them from their sorrows and tattered clothes. For Yeosang and Seonghwa, though, they were lucky enough to be decently educated in the comfort of the tiny classroom down the corridor, just next to the dining hall where everyone gathered to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. For holidays, the caretakers would try their best to decorate the bleak, beige halls with colorful spindles and homemade paintings.

    When he was younger, Yeosang would eagerly scribble on printer paper with crayons and markers as his caretakers praised his artistic abilities – well, for a six-year-old. His own decorations, along with the other little ones, would be pinned to the halls and doors for everyone to see. Once he got older, though, other children his age began to leave. They were adopted and loved by real families. But Yeosang didn’t falter, as he still had an older boy named Seonghwa to help him pin the new kids’ decorations up for Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving.

    If Yeosang could ever claim to have had an older brother, he would certainly point to Seonghwa first. The blonde with plump lips and a soft smile always had something intelligent to say. It was the older boy who taught Yeosang how to play baseball in the usually vacant backyard of the orphanage, it was he who showed the younger boy how to protect the younger ones from dangerous eyes when they did get the chance to go outside. It was always Seonghwa flicking the nightlight on just before bed, silencing the hisses of agitation from the other boys; as only he knew that Yeosang could not sleep in total darkness.

  And then, on the night of Seonghwa’s eighteenth birthday, he vanished.

    That night, Yeosang could’ve sworn he heard the window opening and closing at the foot of his bed. Assuming he was just dreaming, the brunette went straight back to sleep. When he woke up the following morning, Seonghwa was just… gone.

    No one made a big deal about it, really. As he had finally become of age, Seonghwa would’ve been due to leave the orphanage a couple days after his birthday. The caretakers simply shrugged their shoulders, stating that it would be pointless to worry. If anything, they were supposed to silently cheer on the older brother figure of the building, hoping that he found a place to stay. Still, Yeosang felt a bit betrayed. Seonghwa was the closest thing to family he had, so why hadn’t he even received a simple goodbye? A hug? A promise that, one day, they would meet again?

    “Yeosang, I think I burnt our pizza!”

    The man visibly jumps from his spot on the chair, a slight squeak coming from the wheels due to the pressure. The frame he previously had clasped between his fingers nearly clatters to the floor, but he catches it just in time. Setting it back onto his desk, Yeosang lets out a disgruntled sigh.

    “Yeooosaaang-“

    “I heard you, Yunho,” he finally calls back, sleepily rubbing his eyes, “you did take it out of the oven, right?”

     He was met with silence. “O-oh… I’ll go do that right now!” Yunho laughs nervously, sounding as if he had stumbled on his own feet in an attempt to run back to the kitchen.

    Mid-groan, Yeosang lets out a quiet laugh of amusement. Yunho, his roommate, was a rather interesting man. He appeared tall and muscular, but he truly acted like a lost puppy in every sense of the word. When he was helping Yeosang move in, he had (somehow) convinced his new roommate to dye his hair with him. The plan was for both of them to go blonde because, well, why not – except Yunho had managed to grab a box of pink and teal hair dye instead.

    Neither of them checked the boxes before they dyed their locks. So, now, Yeosang was stuck with what Yunho called “fairy pink” hair, while the other had teal colored strands. Usually, Yeosang probably would’ve been a bit upset, but seeing the college student’s pout and hearing his whines of apology; well, he felt a certain liking to his new hair.

    Straightening out the picture frame on the desk, Yeosang gave it one last look. It was an old photo of himself and Seonghwa on Christmas morning, both of them smiling toothily and clutching onto plushies they had gotten from the caretakers. Thankfully, Yeosang had wept over the photo so often that, now, he no longer felt the need to break down and cry for his lost brother. Now, he felt the need to go into the kitchen and make sure Yunho didn’t accidently set something else on fire.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀  ⠀ ---

     “Are you sure the pancake wasn’t overcooked, or undercooked?” Yunho bugged Yeosang yet again, bottom lip jutted out in a persistent pout, “maybe I used too much butter – oh, you like blueberries instead of chocolate chips in your pancakes, don’t you? Di-“

    Sighing yet again, the pink haired man throws a soft pillow at his worried roommate, who just barely caught it in his arms. “The pancakes were great, Yun, don’t worry about it. Better them than a burnt pizza.” He added on with a teasing grin, to which the other huffed and threw the pillow back at him.

    “Hey! I swear the instructions said forty-two minutes, not thirty-two!” He insisted, slumping back into the gray beanbag. “I’m gonna stay up pretty late, I have a paper due tomorrow morning and I still haven’t finished. I uh, might be playing some music, just tell me if it gets too loud.”

    Humming in understanding, Yeosang shifted from his position on the couch, hand reaching out to grab a book that had been resting on the coffee table. “I probably won’t notice, it’s fine. Just no sneaking out, eh?” He shot back monotonously.

    Yunho visibly stiffened, his fingers latching onto the sides of the plush beanbag. Clearly, he hadn’t been expecting that snarky statement from the other man. “Calm down, I’m just joking. I could give less shits about whatever you do in your own bedroom, Yun.” Yeosang continued, eyes subtly narrowing at the taller of the pair.

    Of course, he was lying through his teeth; quite smoothly, though. For the past four weeks, Yeosang had been noticing something off about his roommate. In the middle of the night, he would hear a window open and close – then repeat just before the sun rose over the horizon. Yeosang already knew Yunho was, for some godforsaken reason, “sneaking” out to do something about every two nights. There was a certain pattern to it, so he didn’t suspect a secret lover or anything too crazy.

    But tonight, Yeosang planned to follow Yunho. It was invasive, yes, but he was worried. The last time someone had snuck out, they had vanished without a trace – without a single goodbye. Truth be told, the man didn’t want to experience that feeling ever again. Over the past few months he’s been living with the student, he had started to feel a sense of comfort. Losing that would be yet another terrible memory to tuck back into the darkest crevices of his mind.

    Bidding his unsuspecting roommate a quiet goodnight, Yeosang sat upright on the couch and kicked his legs up onto the table, book nestled between his thighs. He would wait, and listen – as long as he needed to.

       Just as he suspected, about an hour and a half later, Yunho peeked out of his bedroom to check on the pink haired man. Yeosang, pretending not to notice this action, merely licked the tip of his finger and flipped to the next page in his book. When the door slowly closed, he silently placed the book on the arm of the couch and tiptoed over to Yunho’s bedroom. The music he had been playing wasn’t too loud, letting Yeosang hear pretty much whatever it was his tall friend was up to on the other side of the door.

    At the faint sound of the window unlocking with a click, Yeosang slowly pushed the door open. An inaudible gasp flew past his lips, going unheard by Yunho, who was beginning to climb onto a thick spool of rope dangling outside his bedroom window. A sudden sense of urgency swept over Yeosang, urging him to go and stop his friend from doing – well, whatever the fuck he was doing, of course!

    “Y-Yunho!” He shouted, speeding over to the window just as the other man was about to try and close it with his foot. Reaching out to grab onto the rope and the edge of the teal haired man’s shirt, Yeosang refused to let go.

    “Yeosang? W-what’re you doing?” Yunho squeaked in pure shock, now hanging onto the rope for dear life so he and the man holding onto him didn’t crash into the bushes below them.

    Ignoring the drop in his heart when he realized he’d almost lost his grip, Yeosang huffed and tried to pull Yunho back down through the open window. “Me? I’m saving your dumbass – why the fuck are you climbing a rope, anyway-?”

  “Yunho, you’re taking too long, we’re pulling you up!” A new voice interrupted their arguing, making both of them freeze. In the blink of an eye, the rope was been tugged upwards by someone. Before Yeosang could try one last time to throw them both back into the bedroom, his foot lost its grounding on the windowsill.

    Suddenly, they were going up into the air, Yeosang holding back a scream while Yunho told him to hold on.

[rainycl0udss]

Chapter 3;

The morning after party

//When can I say "I love you"?//

Written Chapter!

Word count; 1780

Moons POV

I lay peacefully in my bed, sleeping.

That was untill I heard one of the most annoying sounds of all time.

My alarm.

Don't get me wrong, I love the song Euphoria but I wish I didn't have to wake up right now.

I turn my head to the noice and pick up my phone so I can turn of the sound of my alarm playing.

I check my phone on social media and I check my mails aswell.

I look at the time, it's 8:35 am.

Way to early for my liking but I don't really have a choice. I've got plenty of things to do today. I'll probably have to go grocery shopping too. I don't think Mimi is going to be in the right state of mind to do it today.

With a sigh I get out of my bed and walk to the kitchen.

Just like I  had suspected, nobody else is awake yet. They're probably going to be sleeping till noon.

I walk to the fridge and take out some banana milk, cheese and eggs. I'll probably make an omelette with some cheese, drink some banana milk and call it breakfast.

After preparing my meal and eating it it's already 09:48 am.

That's not as late as I thought it would be.

I have to be in the studio around noon, so I've got plenty of time to get ready.

I clean my dishes and decide I'll take a shower to clean myself. Something that is definitely needed because my hair smells like liquor.

I walk back to my bedroom and grab a black jeans and a grey hoodie. I also take some fresh underwear and head to the bathroom.

There is one positive about waking up before everyone else and that is,

The bathroom is not occupied.

I undress, step in the shower and start washing my hair.

I'm not really a morning person, I like to sleep in and I probably would never leave my bed if that was an option. Sadly it's not. I'm also normally not a person who showers in the morning. Normally I shower before I go to sleep. I like it better that way. That way my hair can dry naturally at night and I'll feel fresh in the morning. Obviously I had no time for a shower yesterday night. I was way to tired to do anything else but sleep.

I'm curious if the others remember anything about last night. I have a feeling Mimi probably doesn't. She never does.

Jae, that's debatable. She normally remembers everything, but she normally isn't that drunk so I guess we shall see.

For some reason Yun will probably remember everything, even tho that girl can get so drunk she almost dies, she'll always remember everything. It's kinda scary really.

Jae and Mimi, mostly Mimi, complain that she doesn't remember anything and that Yun should be happy she could remember.

Yun always responds with "It's more of a curse then a blessing, sometimes I wish I didn't remember."

I think I understand what she means, in that perspective I'm the same as Yun.

I can drink as much as I want, I'll remember everything. But I don't drink much so it's never a problem.

Ones I'm done showering I change in my clothes and head back to my room.

My hair is still wet so I decide to wear a beanie.

I look at the clock and see it's 10:27 am.

There is still no sign that my friends are waking up anytime soon.

I put on my boots and take my jacket. I take my keys and my bag and leave for the car.

I guess it's time for me to go grocery shopping.

Ones in the grocery I buy whatever I think we'll be needing. I'm normally not the one to do it, but it needs to be done.

Ones I'm back home I see that Jae is awake.

"Good morning." I say while unpacking the groceries.

"Hey Moon. Do you know where the painkillers are?" Jae asks me in a quiet voice.

She's definitely hungover.

"I think in the cabinet next to instant noodles." I exclam while still unpacking.

I hear her open the cabinet and take a painkiller.

"I found them, thanks." She says after taking a painkiller.

"You seem pretty hungover Jae." I state to her.

"I AM pretty hungover. This fucking sucks." She huffes.

"You shouldn't have drunk as much as you did. Then you wouldn't be in this position." I claim.

"Shut up will you. I know I shouldn't have but you know how it goes..." She argues back.

Honestly, I don't know. I'm pretty good at holding my liquor so it's never really been a problem for me.

"Whatever floats your boat Jae." I chuckle.

"How long have you been awake?" She asked me while she goes to sit down.

I look at the clock and see it's 11:36 am.

"About three hours now. I'm guessing you just woke up." I reply.

"Why the fuck would you wake up that early?" Jae exclames

"Because unlike some people I actually have things to do today and wanted to get it done." I articulate.

Jae just rolls with her eyes.

"I made y'all some breakfast btw, it's more like brunch right now but whatever. It's in the fridge." I announce to Jae.

I get up from the table to walk to my room but I get interrupted by Jae.

"You made us breakfast? That's a first." She interjects.

"It's not a first you bitch, I always make y'all breakfast when you're hungover." I remark.

Without waiting for her to respond I walk to my room.

I grab my bag and put all my work in it.

I walk back to the kitchen to see Jae eat the food I made for her.

She's watching her kdrama while eating.

I go to the cabinet and grab a pot of instant noodles and a banana milk out the fridge. I put them both in my bag and walk to the front door of the apartment.

"Where are you going?" I hear Jae ask me before I could leave.

"To the studio." I answer without looking up.

"It's not even school today." She nags.

"That doesn't mean I can't work for school. Besides, now I'm behind on schedule because of yesterday." I persist.

"Are you leaving already?" I hear a different voice say.

I turn around and look at both Yun and Jae.

"I have to get my work done guys." I sigh.

It's not like it's fun for me to leave them alone all the time. They're my friends and I care about them. But I also care about my future.

"Can't you go to the studio around 1 pm?"

Yun begs me.

I take a deep breath.

I guess I can do that.

I sigh but place my bag on the floor and walk back to the table and sit down.

"I'll stay till 12:30 pm alright." I confirm.

Yun smiles at me.

"Good to hear." She smiles.

"So how are you?" I ask after a short silence.

"I'm oke. I guess." She mumbles while stuffing her face with bacon.

"I honestly don't remember much." Jae confesses.

I'm not surprised about that.

"I fucking wish I didn't remember anything. It was so embarrassing." Yun grumbles.

"I only remember that Mimi started puking and that you were grinding against some guy." Jae laughs.

"Euw, Don't remind me of Mimi puking. You know I hate puke." She recalls disgusted.

"Who was the guy?" I hint in a joking matter.

"Just some guy I made out with, he wasn't my soulmate." She whines.

I just shake my head an laugh a little.

This is typical behavior for her. Same goes for Mimi. Always going around and have one night stands with random guys from clubs. The only rule we have is to not go to his home. Luckily that didn't happen yesterday.

"I really hoped I would have found my soulmate." Jae whimpers.

"Same here, I'll probably just die alone." Yun dramatically states.

"I actually enjoyed myself for and hour are so." I suddenly confess to them.

The both turn their heads to me at the same time and just stare at me.

"Can you both stop staring at me please, it's unsettling." I accuse.

"You enjoyed yourself? At a party? Do I even know you?" Yun jokes while she punches my arm.

"Then what did you do? Because I didn't see you dance even ones." Jae questions.

"I talked to a someone. Her name was Areum. She was very nice. She also helped me find Soo-Yun." I inform them.

"I'm glad you actually enjoyed yourself. Maybe you'll come with us again." Yun smiles at me.

She trying to hint me to go with them again. Oh hell nah.

"I don't think so, but good try." I laugh and pet her on the shoulder.

"But I'm leaving now." I inform them.

I get up and walk to the front door.

"Don't come home to late!" Jae yells.

I pick my bag from the ground and open the door.

"I won't, tell Mi-Hi that her food is in the fridge!" I yell before I close the door.

I decided that I'll go on foot. The studio isn't so far from our apartment it's only a 20 minute walk. I plug in my headphones and start blasting Dimple from BTS.

God I love that song.

Ones I get to the studio I start looking for my ID to show them I have promision to use the studio.

When I look in my wallet for my ID I found an familiar looking card.

It's the card that Ari unnie gave me.

I put it in my pocket and walk in the building.

I show them my ID and walk to my studio.

I poof myself in my seat and pull the card out of my pocket.

Coffee shop Blooming.

It look aesthetically pleasing.

I'll definitely go there this week. I would really like to talk to Ari unnie again. She was very nice.

I put it back in the pocket of my jeans and start to work on my final project of this semester.

I have alot to catching up to do. Definitely now that I'm leaving in a few weeks to Busan for Hanas birthday.

I can't afford to waist time.

I sigh one last time before I take of my headphones and plug them in my computer. I'm in work mode ones again.

This is going to be a long day.

<<Previous// //Next>>

🏷️Tags;

[aala-13jellychocolate]

THEY NEVER KNOW (Chapter Four)

Author’s note: This is my first time writing, so I hope you all will forgive my mistake and grammar too. I’m hoping for comments on my writing. If you like or dislike please feel free to drop a message. Thank you…   

This story has taken little inspiration from Sehun web story “ Dokgo Rewind”. 

Pairing: Sehun x reader 

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Mature, Language (sometime will be there), Violence, Smut (in future), Crime au, College au

-Sehun P.O.V-  

The way toward the home was full of thought. My phone vibrates for the third time, but I didn’t bother to look who was it? Still thinking about Y/N and my brother, did he mention about her before? Maybe he did. I wasn’t paying attention to, I was thinking hard if I remember anything then suddenly, I remember something which happened two years ago.  

“I don’t want to,” I cried as my brother was dragging toward the market for buying a grocery that my mother asked for. “Come on, Sehun don’t cry like a little boy. Anyways, at least sometimes put your hands for some other use than fighting here and there” I stop walking and again cried “Sehyun” he stops any look back to me “Hyung Sehun. I’m older than you, stop calling from my name and address me properly” he turns around and started to walk again, I followed him and said “You are just 15 minutes older than me, don’t you remember?” he just chuckles, but he didn’t answer me. We reach the market and started to pick all the items from our mother list. In between Sehyun stop at the bookstore and asked me to come inside, I rolled my eye. Sehyun handed me all the bag while look that some books, “Sehyun Hyung” I urge to ‘Hyung’ to get his attention. He looked at me, so I continued “Can we please do your book shopping some other day, all these bags are really heavy,” he looks back at the book and said “These books are original, I mean first copies. If I don’t buy it now then, it won’t stay for long.” uninterested I asked again “What those books are all about?”, “These are novel, romantic one,” he said. I raised one eyebrow and sarcastically said “Oh. My big brother is interested in romance. Boys of our age are more interested in porn, when are you going to grow up?” he rolls his eyes and said “It is for my friend” before I could say something, he cut me and added, “For a girl, I cannot give her porn”. This made me laugh my brother and girl “You talked with a girl, Thank God. I thought you were too shy for that and do you watch porn? Because I bet, I never saw you doing something like that.” He didn’t answer. I asked again “Anyways, who is this girl? Girlfriend?” still no answer. When he was done with, we started to walk back home suddenly he started to laugh loudly, without any reason in the middle of this road. I looked here and there awkwardly as everyone was looking at us, giving them apologetic smile, I asked “What is wrong with you?” he controls himself a bit, said, “I just thought something a very interesting thing to do with my girlfriend.” Now my face started to turn red with an embarrassment “Whatever it is but I don’t think you should fantasy anything like that in public,” he started to laugh again and replied “You and your dirty little mind. I did fantasy something, but not what you are thinking, stupid”, “Oh really. What is it then?” I asked in disbelieved. He controls himself again to reply “You know, we resemble each other, living few of the things in appearance and character is different, Good Heavens, even our heartbeats are same” with a little interest and questionable look, I asked, “So, what?”. He took a deep breath and said “Just for one hour or something. I want to swap are the place. Like to send you on a date with her just to see if she can recognize the difference between two of us”, I looked at him with surprise and said “Are you kidding me, you want us to swap our place just for fun. And what if she doesn’t recognize me and try to kiss me or something else?” teasing him. He gives me an annoyed look and become serious, he replied “First, it will be only for an hour not more than that. Second, I’ll be there a little far from both of you. I won’t let the thing go that far. Never. And third, it would be a little fun, what you say?” with the last sentence his grin. I chuckle and said “People say I’m the bad person, but look who is the evil here,” he started to laugh again and I gladly join him.  

I should have understood that he had a girlfriend when he did not answer. My brother had a girlfriend, while I was thinking he is just a shy ass. I had parked a car carefully near my house. I started to walk toward home. I felt someone behind. I patiently waited for him to make any move when I felt his hand coming to grab me. I turn around, harshly grab a hand, twisted around without seeing who that person was “Sehun, it is me. Please leave my hand. You are hurting me,” he shouted. I let go his hand and said “Jinwoo, how many times did I say not to come from the behind and what are you doing here at this time?”Doh Jinwoo and In Teayong were like my friends I had helped them the same year ago when they were getting beaten since then they stick around me, and they were the one who took me and Sehyun to the hospital. There were only three people who know that I’m Sehun. He started to care for his bad hand and said “Ah… I messaged you but you did not reply, anyway, I thought you might need help with dinner and whose car is that?” he pointed to the black car. I had my favorite dinner and a car is from someone special whom I have to meet tomorrow again. I look down while thinking about it as my thoughts were making me smile. I tried to keep my face straight when I looked up again, I didn’t want to answer. I started to walk toward the door, opening my door but I did answer the “None of your concern. Are you alone?” before he could say something, Teayong answer “I’m here too, just went to get beer and chicken” I stood at my door and said “I don’t need anything. I had dinner and I’m too tired, I just want to sleep” I tried to close my door, but Teayong stops and pleads “Please let us in, Yuna called. She is coming here in a tomorrow” Kim Yuna third and last person who knows about me. Jinwoo had told her, he had a huge crush on Yuna. So, he had made me help her. Yuna and her brother Kim Yun Seok were getting ragged in their school, eventually, her brother died, but we were able to save her. An old story of a rich spoilt brat, hunting weak.

I sigh and said “What you want me to do about her?” right now I’m not interested in anything other than finding my brother’s killer and Y/N. “At least let us come in. We won’t make any noise just eat and sleep. Please” Teayong said. I give them an annoying look but let them in. Jinwoo went inside to get glasses and dishes for beer and chicken “You need to talk with Yuna, she kind of like you and she can understand you” in a low voice so Jinwoo won’t hear you both. With irritation, I said “Look, I really don’t care and she knows it. She cannot understand me. And if you both of here are to see that I’m breathing or not, just do that. Don’t try to set up with any girl” I sounded rude but as always he ignores it, that is one of the reasons they are still with me. They just stay around me no matter how rude I sound. He put one hand on my shoulder and said “I’m not trying to set you up. I just want you to get happy. I know right now you just want to find them, but Sehun what after that? Are you going to stay the rest of life as Sehyun and alone?” he was right I put both my hands on my face and said “I don’t know, I just…” before I could complete my sentence Jinwoo came back, now it was no meaning to talk about anything, Jinwoo either won’t be able to understand anything or make fun of the thing but he had a good heart that was the reason I’m still letting him near me.  

I just said. ‘Good night’ to them and go back to my room. Lying on the bed thinking about Y/N again. Tomorrow I’m going to meet her. I wanted to meet her but what I will be saying to her? What if she asked something which only Sehyun could answer? Whatever happens, I still wanted to meet her. I close my eyes and went to sleep.  

When I woke up in the morning sun was high up in the sky. It was 11 O’ clock after a really long time I was able to this peaceful. I sat up, took my phone and decide to greet Y/N.  

“Good morning” I send her a message. Immediately her reply came  

“Good morning to you too”, “You will come tonight right?”  

“I will Y/N. I have promised you. I won’t forget”  

“Thank you, thank you and Love you” my eyes got to widen. My heart speeds up I grin. Then the reality hit me her ‘Love you’ were for Sehyun. I didn’t know what to reply. Before I could think something to reply, her message comes again  

“Listen please let it go. I promise I’ll try to control myself. I don’t want to force myself on you. I swear I can wait. Take your own time” I laugh, she was out of control and she really loves Sehyun. She feels guilty because she loves him and wanted to take care of him. To ease her guilt, without thinking much I replied “Love you too”  

Now guilt grows inside me and parts me of unhappy that her word was not for me. I got up the form bed and look myself in the mirror, I asked myself while looking ‘What are you doing? What is wrong with you? Why are you lying to her?’ and the most important question ‘WHY DO YOU WANT TO STAY NEAR HER?’ I turn around and went downstairs. Jinwoo and Teayoug were sleeping soundlessly. I went to the kitchen and make myself a coffee. When coffee got ready, I sat on a dining table chair thinking about what to do till night. ‘Y/N’ I need to do a little research on her before meeting her tonight. I went back to the room opening Sehyun laptop, this was the first time I have ever used his laptop. I wanted to check social media to find out about her, but I saw file name ‘Stupid and Innocent’ it made me curious. When I open it, it was full of Y/N. My fucking brother, how did I get fooled by my stupid shy ass brother? This file had given me a huge number of common details about her but the file was really large, it was full of different pictures and important document. (soft copies of the license, certificate, etc.) but nothing state about her personality. In between reading those files I took breaks for food and kick out Jinwoo and Teayong. By the time I complete, it was 8 p.m. at the clock.  

I shut down a laptop and hurried up to get ready to meet her. When I got ready, a huge smile spread on my face as my heart got excited to meet her again. I took her car key and left my home.  

-Y/N P.O.V-  

When you got up in the morning with a huge smile. Your heart was swollen with happiness. You got from the bed and got ready for work. You eat your breakfast to the fullest after a really long time. When you reach work your boss gives you a mocking smile telling you to work properly. Near 11 you took your phone to message Mr. Kim as you promise him. Suddenly to get a message from Sehyun greeting you ‘Good morning.’

You got excited as said he will be coming tonight. Without thinking suddenly, you send him ‘love you’ you cursed yourself for your stupidity. Sehyun had to scold you many times for saying without thinking. He did not reply for a long time. You know you messed up a thing again. Why can’t you control yourself? You asked yourself. You tried best to explain him, but when he replied ‘Love you too’ you shouted with enthusiasm. At work you did not do any mistake, in fact, you did the foremost at work even your boss appreciate good work.  

In the evening you want to market to buy all the necessary thing for dinner. As soon as you reach the home prepaid dinner. By the time you were done with dinner, it had been 8 p.m. you quickly cleaned everything and went to change clothes. You wore a sample of plain blue jeans with a baby pink color shirt. You just took one look in the mirror as the doorbell rang. You got too excited, controlling yourself, you open door. You tired, but you weren’t able to control your smile. Like an idiot, you were smiling when you saw him.  

[asflowersfade]

Ficlet: Curiosity Killed the Cat

Another ficlet set in my The Cop and His Professor Guardian AU where Zhao Yun Lan is still a cop and Shen Wei is still a professor but there’s nothing weird or supernatural going on.

And now it’s up to Shen Wei to explain things. Of course it is, of course...

Shen Wei loves his husband, he really does. But sometimes, very occasionally, once in a blue moon… he doesn’t like him much.

Shen Wei’s cooking dinner - it helps him relax and unwind after a long day and a proper meal at least once a day helps keeping Yun Lan’s gastritis in check - when there’s a rattle at the door, the-key-in-the-lock kind of a rattle, and then the door bursts open, admitting Yun Lan… and Da Qing.

That wouldn’t be all that surprising if his husband’s colleagues - “Minions, Shen Wei, they’re my minions!” - knew about their marriage. Which they don’t. But... lo and behold, Da Qing, his husband’s SIC, there, on the threshold. So... 

Shen Wei stands there, a knife in one hand and a half-peeled apple in the other, eyebrows raised, eyes blinking. To which Da Qing responds pretty much in the same way, minus the cooking ware and half-processed food, that is.

This startled moment’s broken when Yun Lan groans and sways and Shen Wei finally notices that all that’s holding his husband upright is Da Qing’s shoulder and his strong arm around Yun Lan’s waist. It takes Shen Wei one glance to figure out what’s going on: Yun Lan’s pale, sweaty and he’s squinting hard against the soft afternoon light falling in through the kitchen window.

Migraine.

Shen Wei doesn’t exclaim his husband’s name - not only would that be rather undignified and more than a little unhelpful in this case, Yun Lan’s head would definitely not appreciate such a proclamation of concern - he simply sets the knife and the apple down, quickly washes his hands and heads across their open space apartment towards where Da Qing and Yun Lan are still standing, swaying slightly.

“I’ll take him from here, thank you,” Shen Wei say to Da Qing with quiet authority that leaves no room for objection and gently takes his husband out of the other cop’s hands.

Carefully, holding Yun Lan up with an arm around his shoulders, Shen Wei leads him towards the bedroom where he helps his husband sit down on the bed slowly, knowing that any fast movements might result in violent bodily reactions of the unpleasant kind.

When Yun Lan’s finally sitting down, Shen Wei crouches down in front of him and rests one hand, cold from washing, on Yun Lan’s forehead. Yun Lan moans softly and leans against the touch, closing his eyes gratefully.

“How bad?” Shen Wei asks.

“Ugh,” is the only answer he gets.

“Will a pill be enough or do you need something stronger?”

“Ugh.”

Shen Wei nods. “Alright,” he says and gets up to fetch his husband a glass of water and his medicine. Most of the time, he can read his husband like an open book which is really good in situations like this. Honestly, how did Yun Lan even survive before he met Shen Wei?

And all this time, he can feel Da Qing’s intent glare burning holes into his back. He will deal with the man, just not now. Later will be fine.

Pill swallowed and water sloshed all over Yun Lan’s trembling hand, Shen Wei helps him take off his jacket and his shoes and his jeans, while muttering very softly under his breath, “You’re a fool and if you weren’t so miserable, I would throttle you. Always waiting till the last possible second. Never taking care of yourself. Tired of living, that’s what you are!”

He helps Yun Lan lay down and as he covers him up to his chin, making him as comfortable as possible, Yun Lan cracks one eye open and catches his hand, holding it surprisingly firmly, considering. “But you like me anyway, right?” he croaks out, going for a smile and failing.

“No, I don’t,” Shen Wei mutters - but then, belying his own words, he bends down and kisses Yun Lan gently on the forehead, whispering, “Sleep now.”

And for once, his husband actually listens to him, and curling up on his side with his back to the rest of their apartment, he buries his face in his pillow with a soft moan. Shen Wei stands there for a moment longer, staring down at him. What to do with such a fool?

Then Shen Wei closes the blinds on the windows around the bed - and with a fortifying deep breath he turns around to face the other man in their apartment.

Yun Lan told him once that Da Qing reminded him of a cat: hissing and bristling, pretending not to care, but actually attached to you for life and with a surprising capacity for love. Shen Wei knows a little about their common past, Yun Lan and Da Qing’s, about how Yun Lan got Da Qing off the streets, how he helped the younger man finish high school, how he made sure Da Qing would be accepted to the police academy… Shen Wei knows some of that, so he can only imagine how hurt Da Qing will be when he finds out that Yun Lan got married without ever even mentioning dating anyone.

And now it’s up to him, Shen Wei, to explain all of that to Da Qing, of course. If Shen Wei weren’t certain that Yun Lan’s migraine isn’t faked, he would suspect his husband of setting this whole thing up. Like he said: sometimes, very occasionally, once in a blue moon… he doesn’t like Yun Lan all that much.

The moment Shen Wei turns around, Da Qing opens his mouth to say something, probably to demand what Shen Wei is doing in his boss’ apartment. But before he can do that, Shen Wei lifts a stern finger to stop him and beckons him towards the kitchen, away from where Yun Lan’s sleeping. Da Qing’s glare turns even darker but he goes.

“What are you doing in Chief Zhao’s apartment, Professor Shen?” Da Qing demands the moment they walk around the kitchen counter, making it as far away from the sleeping space as possible without actually leaving the apartment.

Yes, Shen Wei was reading his expression right. And yes, Da Qing obviously still remembers him from the murder investigation at the Dragon City university that’s now almost two years back. Well, at least Shen Wei won’t have to actually introduce himself again. That would make this whole thing even more awkward. As if this could be any more awkward.

Clearing his throat, Shen Wei decides to be frank. “Yun Lan and I got married last year,” he states in a surprisingly collected voice that seems to do the job and hide the fact that he would rather be somewhere else. Anywhere else. Please.

Da Qing gapes. “You did what when?” he asks in utter disbelief.

“We got married,” Shen Wei replies, though his seemingly calm posture is ruined slightly when he pushes his glasses up his nose in a fidgety tick that he simply cannot unlearn.

“I don’t believe you,” Da Qing states, crossing his arms over his chest.

Well, that’s… unexpected. Whatever reaction Shen Wei anticipated, being not believed wasn’t it. “I… I can show you our marriage certificate?” he offers, now almost blushing and maybe a little too wide-eyed.

“He would’ve told us!” Da Qing argues. “He would’ve told me!”

Yes, Yun Lan should have. Not that Shen Wei didn’t get why he decided to keep his marriage private - watching your mother die at the hands of a killer who took her life for no other reason than because she was your father’s, a cop’s, wife, messes with your head and gives you anxieties no one else can truly grasp - but not telling even your closest friends…

“Nobody knows,” Shen Wei explains. “Well, except for his father who found out on his own and who doesn’t exactly… agree. With us. Yun Lan and me.”

Da Qing narrows his eyes but Shen Wei can feel he scored some points with him for being on Old Zhao’s bad side. Yun Lan’s team respects his father, certainly, as a policeman, for everything that he achieved in his life, but there’s no love lost between them either. They might not know what exactly happened between Yun Lan and his father but if they had to choose, they would always take their chief’s side.

Da Qing stares at him for a very long time, so long actually, that Shen Wei starts fidgeting slightly. Then, with a surprising perceptiveness, Da Qing says quietly, “It’s because of his mom, right? She died because of his dad’s job and he doesn’t want anything like that to happen to you, right?”

His eyes look surprisingly old and wise for such a young man, Shen Wei thinks. But then, he can only guess what Da Qing has been through, out on the streets. He hasn’t probably been really young for a very, very long time now.

Shen Wei looks straight at him. “Yes,” he answers simply.

Da Qing nods to himself. “I’m still furious with him and I’ll make him pay for lying to me, I will, you can bet on that, but… I guess I can understand that-that need to protect someone you love.”

Then he takes a fast, belligerent step forward, getting all in Shen Wei’s face, making Shen Wei blink nervously and lean back a little - and push his glasses up his nose again. “You be good to him, you hear me?” he hisses at Shen Wei, eyes blazing. “I’ll keep my eyes on you. And if you hurt him, I’ll... do something very bad to you.”

As strange as it sounds, that threat warms Shen Wei’s heart, the fact that Yun Lan has people in his life who love him and who will fight for him. It makes Shen Wei… calmer, more certain that Yun Lan will always have someone to lean on, no matter what.

“I would never hurt him,” Shen Wei says earnestly. “I believe in protecting him as much as you do.”

Da Qing studies him suspiciously a moment longer, then he jerks his right hand up, just the pinky extended towards Shen Wei. “Pinky swear on that?”

Pinky… swear? Shen Wei thinks, blinking down at the hand stuck out in his direction. He has no idea what that means but if it convinces Da Qing of his honest intentions, then… why not?

Smiling a little, Shen Wei lifts his hand and hooks his pinky around Da Qing’s who shakes their hands a little. “Pinky swear on that,” Shen Wei promises.

Then Da Qing sprawls against the counter, steals a piece of fish from the platter that Shen Wei prepared for dinner, and munching on it, he demands, “Now, give me all the embarrassing details, I want to know everything. I really need to make him suffer for lying to me and I need ammunition!”

And really, what can you say to that? Curiosity killed the cat... but satisfaction brought it back, didn’t it?

[tales-from-exo-planet]

LYON | PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT II. “a castle of glass”

Length - 2,585

Mood - wrathful, intemperate

Pairing - Baekhyun x Reader

Warning - language

“Ever since the first time I laid eyes on you I saw the truth No questions just proof They may talk, but I ain't hear a thing they said about you

Ever since the first time we laid Everybody want details, but don't say nothin' I won't say nothin' if you don't say nothin' Cause this is between us Yeah we gon' fight But I'mma love you till it's alright Ain't gon' find these answers outside Boy we don't need nobody's advice Give me a shoulder to cry on And I'll be alright I'll be the one you rely on This love Ain't none of your friends business Ain't none of my friends business It's ours, all ours, nobody else's”

“Business” by Teyana Taylor

____________

“Travel safely, see you soon,” you said to both ____ (Almaty Reader) and ____ (Arizona OG Reader), kissing each of their cheeks in a parting greeting.

“It was such a pleasure to see you again,” ____ (Arizona OG Reader) smiled elegantly as she reached to embrace you.

“Likewise,” you nodded to her as ____ (Almaty Reader) reached to embrace you as well.

“We probably want to organize a conference call within the next two weeks,” ____ (Berlin Reader) stated as she joined your parting circle, bristling at the chill of the wintry air that whipped around you.

The voices of your broader band were momentarily subdued by the gust of wind that had you all pulling your collars closed around your necks.

“Between-” you began eyeing ____ (Berlin Reader) questioningly.

“Well following our conversation yesterday probably just us ladies as a separate conference. A biweekly or even monthly check-in should suffice,” she said, pondering the subject before answering.

“Grand. Well we’ll talk later then,” you agreed as Baekhyun and Minseok approached.

“Ladies,” Minseok beamed at you all, missing ____’s (Berlin Reader) raised eyebrow.

“We’ll be off then. Bye everyone,” Jongin waved, ____’s (London Reader) hand in his as he turned to walk away. When you caught her eye again she raised her hand and demurely waved, her cheeks rosy when Jongin turned to tell her something as they continued into the airport.

Baekhyun came to your side, humbly taking your bag you’d set beside your feet as you said your goodbyes.

“I’ll get our boarding passes,” he said aloud in your direction, hurrying inside.

“Are you flying into Arizona still or-”

“I am going to spend a weekend with ____ (Almaty Reader), and then I’ll head back. MQ said he’ll meet you there before he goes out of town,” ____ (Arizona OG Reader) revealed which seemed to be a surprise to Chanyeol.

“Oh...I’ll see you then. Safe travels ladies,” he stepped back from ____ (Arizona OG Reader) who had only turned over her shoulder to address Chanyeol’s concern. You all nodded to him as he went past following Baekhyun who waited for him within the sliding doors.

You caught the look on his face as he watched you standing there before he knew that you were watching him, and quickly masked it with a pleasant smile before he too turned away.

____ (Almaty Reader) pulled ____ (Arizona OG Reader) along after Chanyeol left, hooking an arm through the crook of hers as they carried on conspiratorially.

“Can’t they do anything without us babysitting?” You caught them whispering before they walked out of earshot.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” a sudden voice asked just beside you where ____ (Berlin Reader) also stood.

____ (Edinburgh Reader) had stayed behind while Sehun had gone in earlier with Kyungsoo and ____ (Colorado Reader) as they checked in and gathered their boarding tickets.

Since had ____ (Barcelona Reader) gone ahead with Tao back home to Barcelona she was alone in front of you all now, and very obviously uneasy.

“Me? Yes of course,” ____ (Berlin Reader) turned to her, gesturing for her to follow into the black SUV bearing Minseok’s trademark crest.

“Thank you as always for your hospitality, Minseok. Until next time,” you said cheerily, reaching a gloved hand out to him which he took and held in both of his, the light in his eyes flashing.

“Certainly. I hope to see you and Baekhyun and Yun Hee soon. Have you decided on a theme for her birthday party this year? As soon as you know please let me know so that I can plan her gift.” You were already modestly refusing his kindness as soon as the words passed his lips but he shook his head at you.

“Baekhyun is my family. And now you are part of his family. And now that family has extended to Yun Hee. If there is anything I can do, it is to take care of my family,” his smile remained sincere as he held your gaze but you had a prickling suspicion that you were not the only one who had revealed what you both had been keeping private.

“Baekhyun and I are so grateful to you Minseok. I could never thank you enough for how much you have blessed our family,” you reached forward to hug him and he held you close.

“He does love you, and I know you know that. No matter what happens, I hope that the both of you can be happy,” he spoke in deliberate muted tones and as he released you, you turned to see Baekhyun holding up the boarding tickets.

Your eyes narrowed at the way you could tell that he was gauging the result of your conversation.

His smile was pleasant, but it was the way his eyes cautiously lingered on you.

You were fuming.

___________

“It’s good to be home, jagi,” he tried meekly, looking at you through the rear view mirror where you’d sat with Yun Hee. After arriving at the airport you parted with ____ (Marseille Reader) who was traveling alone since Junmyeon had left abruptly following your New Year's event.

“Take it easy,” she muttered after a kiss to your cheek where you sent her off in her taxi.

Though you composed your fury at Minseok’s classy but brash attempt to contain you, and remained cordial to Baekhyun, you were seething by the time you were in French air.

You allowed him to drive to your mother’s house where you picked up a sleepy Yun Hee. “We colored for hours today. She was so excited to see you both but tired herself out too early.”

You listened, trying to calm your breathing as Baekhyun moved past you to pick her up.

“Darling?” Your mother asked, her tone apprehensive but you swallowed back the grit between your teeth and said your goodbyes.

Alone now and closer to home, your fury was piping white hot.

Ticking.

“If you want, I could-”

“I’m going to put Yun Hee to bed and then I’m going to the office,” you said, opening your door and hurrying to Yun Hee’s side. You opened the car door carefully, unbuckling her car seat so that you could bring her upstairs, leaving your purse and luggage in the car.

Your staff greeted you as you approached, standing clear of you as you went down the hall.

You heard a clatter of bags and buckles drop to the floor the moment after you’d reached Yun Hee’s door.

She stirred in your arms as you shifted her so that you could open the door.

“Shh shh mon petit,” you whispered, kissing her brow as you hurried inside.

You could see that your mother had given her her bath, washed her hair and brushed it.

You laid her in her crib bed, pulling off her shoes and socks, gently removing her jacket, and sweatpants.

She stirred at the sound of her door opening but you continued your task.

“Going to the office already? Jagi, let’s rest now. You don’t have to go in-”

You turned to look at him, a tempered glare set in your eyes.

He stood dumbfounded, unmoving as you turned to finish tucking your daughter in.

“Sleep well my baby,” you kissed her again gesturing for Baekhyun to do the same.

His stupor melted before he did as you asked, “sleep well my baby,” in an uncharacteristic stricken tone.

You headed to your bedroom, stripping as soon as you hit the door.

In your private wing, you knew based on past trials, that no one could hear how loud you could be. You wondered now whether that muted structural design was purposeful, and mockingly laughed aloud at the thought.

“Why are you going in now jagi?” He asked, following you into the room and closing the door to your wing noiselessly.

“Can you move please? I need to shower,” you asked icily breezing past him as he let you go in.

“Jagi, please. Why are you going in now?” He asked again, the whine in his voice rising.

You knew that as his voice rose he was coming closer to his breaking point. And even with that thought in the back of your mind, you couldn’t stop yourself.

“Baekhyun, can you give me a moment please? I want to shower quickly and head in. We’ve been gone for a couple days now and I don’t want to get behind again. We do need to pay bills. We can’t rely on Minseok for everything,” you sighed dismissively as you turned the knob to your shower, sighing again as the jets pulsed against your bare skin whisking away the grime of recycled stuffy air and sweat.

You heard him retreat from the bathroom and turned to see whether he left the door open, which he had.

You took your time to wash your hair and towel off before you began your hair care routine.

Usually Baekhyun volunteered to help you with this part. He thoroughly enjoyed every opportunity that he had to touch you and since you had moved in together he had been fascinated with touching your hair in its slick wet and thick dry state and feeling the difference in your curls.

But he remained in your bedroom, waiting futilely.

After blow drying your hair, and applying lotion to your body you marched into the bedroom, nude, to find clean underwear and a bra.

He watched you as you walked around him, his expression pained.

“Don’t stay there tonight, jagi,” he spoke in sotto voce.

You looked at him in the mirror above your drawer after pulling on a clean pair of underwear.

“Excuse me?” You asked, turning to look at him where he held his head down.

He took a steady breath before looking up at you.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, trying to keep his sniffles to a minimum.

You could hear his panic now. It was getting harder and harder for him to hold it back. And though some small part of you knew it was cruel, you laughed.

“How dare you tell Minseok to talk to me?! I mean that was just ridiculous. You’re going to speak to me through your friends now?” You challenged, seeing the panicked sweat beginning to break across his forehead. His eyes searched the floor as he thought of a response.

“Jagi he’s just...he’s my friend and I was worried and the guys were just-”

“They were just what Baekhyun? Who the fuck does he think he is telling me to mind and obey. We are engaged but that doesn’t mean-”

“He didn’t mean it like that. I’m sure he just-”

“Well tell me how he meant it then since I don’t know. What does he mean talking to me as if I’m supposed to do exactly as he says?! I don’t owe him anything but maybe you do since he paid for the roof over this house. In that case we owe Junmyeon too for taking care of us,” you snapped, throwing your hoop earrings down on top of the drawer before rising to find a fresh pair of jeans and top in your closet.

“That isn’t fair-”

“Oh that isn’t fair? Now we want to talk about what’s fair,” you snorted, pulling on your jeans and your tank top, snatching your Supreme hoodie from it’s hangar and your heeled boots from its rack.

You pulled a roll of socks from your drawer as you exited the walk in closet, hopping into them before sitting at the foot of your bed.

Baekhyun’s breathing was silent as he waited on the bed while you zipped up your boots, and hoodie.

“You have no right to tell me where to go and neither does he. If I need space Baekhyun then you should respect that,” you said, rising from where you sat to head towards the door.

Baekhyun rose quickly, shutting the door as you opened it, his hands trembling as he dropped them to his sides.

“Don’t go jagi. You shouldn’t drive like this,” he protested, daring to meet your glaring eyes with his reddened ones.

“There’s nothing wrong with me-”

“But there’s something wrong with us. Don’t leave. I don’t want to keep doing this. I don’t want to keep waiting-”

“Waiting for what? What are you waiting for? You could just say it Baekhyun. Say it,” you dared him, stepping back from the door with your arms crossed over your chest.

“Do you want to leave me, jagi?” He asked, stuttering through the sentence as a sob threatened to split his voice.

You stood unwavering, growing more and more exasperated with every sniffle you heard.

“Baekhyun I am going to scream if I can’t get out of this room-”

“Then scream at me. Just do it, jagi. But don’t leave me. Don’t go jagi please,” he begged you, coughing back sobs as you stared him down.

“Baekhyun I can’t do this with you right now. Let me go,” you asserted moving towards the door.

But he stepped forward, blocking the doorway, refusing to move out of your way.

“Jagi-”

“Baekhyun-”

“Don’t-”

“Let me go!” You screamed moving towards the door where he held it closed.

You pushed against him, hearing the door rattle as you struggled with each other.

“Stop it,” he begged you as you pushed away from him where he tried to hold you against his chest.

“Baekhyun let me go!” You cried out, but he held you there with your back against his chest, crying into your hair as you both slumped to the floor.

“Baekhyun...let me go…” your fury imploded as you screamed again, pushing at his arms that he held tight around your waist.

“No,” he protested.

“Let me go right now!” You screamed again, struggling to lift his arms from you.

“Baekhyun!” You screamed louder.

“Jagi stop, please stop. Stop,” he moaned plaintively, but you persisted.

“Baekhyun let me go! Let me go now! Right now!” You screamed hoarsely, struggling to turn in his arms to break his grasp.

He hiccuped, his grasp around your waist loosening for a second.

You took your chance, moving quickly to your feet.

But he was right on your heels, slamming the door closed just as you opened it.

“Baekhyun get away from me! Get away!” You rasped, turning to hit his chest, trying with all your might to push him back so you could get out of the door.

“No!” He choked out, as he grabbed your wrists.

“Just talk to me, jagi. Talk to me,” he pleaded, willing you to look up at him.

You were unaware of how heavily and erratically you were breathing, until you looked into his eyes and saw yourself reflected in his irises.

Your tamed hair was wild about your face, curls pasted with sweat against your forehead, your clean top and hoodie now sweat stained and disheveled.

You glowered at him, feeling a trembling sob rising up in him as he held you, waiting.

“Yes I want to leave you. I want space. I need to think. Baekhyun please let me go. Please,” you stated, closing your eyes.  

And he released you immediately.

“I...I’m sorry jagi. I’m sorry…” he whimpered, taking a step back from you.

You heard him descend to the floor in a slump as deeper sobs and gasps for air passed through him.

You turned to the door, taking and turning the handle in your suddenly shaking hands, feeling your resolve weaken as the door opened.

“______ I...I’m sorry,” he sputtered again, coughing.

You turned to look at him where he was slumped over on the floor, his hand gripping his chest as he took successive gasping breaths.

[orangememory]

Nirvana in Fire 2, Episode 4: Recap

We are onto Episode 4 now. Thankfully the wonderful subbers at Viki (Yay Gone with the shirt Team!) have very quickly subbed 6 episodes. For the first 2 weeks, we will get 6 episodes on Viki and DF, whereas in the mainland 12 episodes have already been released.

I will be saving my thoughts till the end of this recap. An idea by a friend on Discord was also to include screencaps of new characters so I will try my best as I am on mobile. Onto the recap!

Last Episode:

In Episode 3, Pingjing and Lin Xi start their investigations into the military boat accident aided by Pingjing's cousin Xiao Yuanqi. They have a few nice martial arts fights, and now race against time and baddies Magistrate Zhang, Policeman Qian and Smug-as-fuck Private Assistant to one Minister Song Fu, PA Qin (whose real name is fire-wielding martial artist Duan Tongzhou). The clue to unraveling the case lies in material evidence - and in the one ship that is still sunken in the river.

Episode 4 recap:

- Pingjing and Lin Xi make their way over to the river to find the sunken ship, where Pingjing very casually takes his clothes off in front of Lin Xi. I know its fanservice to the audience at least a little bit, but credit to (the writer and) Lin Xi for not turning all hot and awkward like all asian-drama heroines usually do. Well, she is a doctor, not some blushing maiden, and she has had her hands up and around the gorgeous abs of Xiao Pingzhang which are much better than his brother's....you can see how easily I am distracted here.

- Lin Xi's focus however, is the ridic Bollywood betrothal longevity locket Pingjing is wearing, and she flashes back to her sickly mother with the same locket, telling Lin Xi to not care about the position of a noble's wife, but gain a husband she could live long with.

- Our little Divine Diving Dragon Pingjing has been in the water too long, which disconcerts Lin Xi, so the brat comes up to declare that he can dive for longer but he knows 'softhearted' Lin Xi will worry so he wants to show his face. Not a smart thing to say to women who can fling darts and poison you, little Dragon. Learn from great-grandpa's mistakes.

- However, Pingjing's diving abilities are no joke when he indeed brings up some evidence from below, including some wooden parts of the ship. Later, our trio of smols including Yuanqi, investigate the wood piece and find that it was covered with some sort of jelly, which is hardened when submerged underwater - but becomes brittle when struck with force. Translation, someone coated the ship's wood with this jelly knowing there would be a collision, and the jelly helped exacerbate the impact and cracks, finally sinking ships that should not have sunk. Yuanqi becomes angry and indignant at people who would dare play with people's lives like this. Oh honey, in the future it's gonna be you, it will be sad to see you on the dark side.

- In the meantime, PA Qin/Duan Tongzhou calls over Evil Policeman Qian, and makes him an offer - because he can feel that Magistrate Zhang has not been entirely truthful in their dealings and has kept some buried proof to find his own way out of this mess. PA Qin reminds Qian gently that he is different - which means that Zhang has family and would likely confess, where Qian would lose his life. However if Qian helps destroy the threat that Zhang poses, he can keep his head. Points to Qian however, because there is honour among thieves, and he asks PA Qin not to hurt Zhang who he has served for 8 years. In the night, Qian spies on Zhang removing and burning some secret correspondences he has saved under the floorboard.

- The next day, Yuanqi and Pingjing take stock of all the spies dressed as beggars outside Jifeng Hall, knowing that they are being watched and followed. The most important course of action now, is to wait and watch - however they worry about one witness who is yet to be protected, Magistrate Zhang himself, who Pingjing believes will be crucial to the investigation. Pingjing goes to meet Zhang.

- PA Qin/DT pays a visit to Zhang and threatens him sweetly by burning his letters to complete ashes in his hand just by crushing them! I found this so dangerous and cool, like this dude has so much power that he can burn shit at will. Zhang has no choice but to agree to these conditions.

- Yun-jie, the nurse from Jifeng Hall, delivers supplies to an old, dilapidated winery which is hiding our main witnesses, the physicians and the military boat captain. But she has been followed by PA Qin's lackey! He reports this to PA Qin, who looks smug as usual (I hate his face) and decides to take action. He asks Lackey to undertake another mission for him.

- PA Qin leads Qian and his men to the hideout, and Qian again asks if Magistrate Zhang will be all right. I know this is a small, possibly negligible detail of a minor character - but this is what I love about this show or NIF in general. Even the minor characters have ideas, behaviours and agendas. Qian could have been shown as a mindless lackey but he has a brain, he has conflicted emotions about this business and he is loyal to his master. These characters seem real and fleshed out, no matter how small their screen time.

- The Jifeng Hall spots Qian leading his men to the hideout, and immediately inform Lin Xi and Yuanqi. They are slightly at a loss what to do - when Yuanqi offers to risk his life, taking a few men to the hideout while Lin Xi gets Pingjing. The smols are in action mode!

- At the Magistrate's office, Zhang receives the news with resignation that Pingjing is here. But before he can meet him, PA Qin's lackey comes with a white silk cloth and we know what that means. As Magistrate Zhang is taking his last breaths, wham!bam! Pingjing appears and saves the day. He knocks out lackey in one blow, I am impressed!

- Yuanqi and a band of his men rush to the winery juuuust in the nick of time and face off against Qian and smug-looking PA Qin. He uses his royal status and declares the hideout/winery to belong to him, and how dare Qian come and infiltrate his land! PA Qin does not seem worried or fazed by Yuanqi, entering into a battle of laws (yawn, boring) but he needles some sort of hidden anger in Yuanqi, by declaring that the Emperor has not bestowed a feudal land upon him, so Yuanqi does not know the difference between imperial property and personally-purchased property.

- Now this could be a trifling detail, but Yuanqi gets so angry that when Leader Qian asks his men to go forth and search, he kills a man in cold blood, declaring that just because he is idle nobility does not mean he cannot take action. You go boy! Also another interesting detail, Yuanqi's hands are shaking and his eyes fill with moisture, indicating he is actually afraid of this whole situation but yet he is standing strong. It shows the nature of his character who gets pissed off when he is told he cannot do anything. Interesting.

- Pingjing and Lin Xi arrive! They bring Magistrate Zhang as a hostage and Leader Qian is a bit taken aback. Pingjing shows his official badge from the House of Changlin, but PA Qin even dares question it. A tense stand-off ensues (with a great comic moment where our favourite brat raps Zhang hard on the butt with his sword lol) but it is broken up by the arrival of reinforcements!

- It is General Yuan of the Changlin Army (who PJ calls Uncle Yuan) and General Ji of the Shanliu Army stationed in Qizhou. Vastly outnumbered, Duan Tongzhou puts his skills to the test, throwing steel darts at everybody. Pingjing and Lin Xi manage to avoid them, but Duan Tongzhou kills Policeman Qian specifically before wuxia flying away. Lin Xi looks at Magistrate Zhang and narrows her eyes, suspecting something.

- Pingjing is verrrry put out by the arrival of Uncle Yuan, because this means his dad has not trusted him and has been plotting behind the scenes! His father had suspected the imperial envoys would be scholarly ministers who could not deal with the situation, and he felt that local forces near to Datong could be colluding with Zhang and Duan, hence he dispatched Uncle Yuan to seek the help of high-ranking General Ji of faraway Qizhou who came to help. This family, oh my god. I swear I smell bits of Uncle MCS in Tingsheng and Pingjing - those Lin family genes!

- Lin Xi offers to accompany the doctors of Jifeng Hall who are witnesses as they have received a shock. Yun-jie (Princess Liyang NIF2 version) also asks to go with her to Jinling to see the city, but the soft music in the background is the sliiiighest bit ominous. Yun-jie don't go bad on us please!

- General Ji is unable to capture Duan Tongzhou after a night of searching, so the retinue finally departs for Jinling with the witnesses, Magistrate Zhang in cuffs and the smol trio of investigators. Pingjing is wary throughout the journey, suspecting something may happen soon. At one rest stop, Pingjing goes to interview Zhang, who has been very quiet but General Ji is already talking to hom - and weirdly distracts Pingjing by going - Oh look theres Lin Xi! Talk to her. Alarm bells start ringing, tra la la la la

- Pingjing spots Yuanqi who is having an unfortunate bout, trying to cope with shock and trauma. He has never killed a man before, he never knew blood was so warm. He asks Pingjing if he has killed before and the answer is silence - because Pingjing has already been in 2 battles unofficially. The cousins bond over a drink, and its kinda nice to see this kind of detail as well - a man dealing with his own struggles. I like this broship, its only gonna get sad from here. *sigh*

- The next day, they are travelling through the plains. Nothing much happens except Pingjing gives Lin Xi his cloak. Its sweet again, but not in a blushing, cute manner. Pingjing is perfectly natural in the way he acts, offering a coat to a friend and benefactor, and Lin Xi accepts it casually as well. Although we see signs that Lin Xi is warming up to him, its not a contrived romance, so +1 for that.

- Pingjing and Yuanqi hold another discussion where he elaborates to him how he smells something fishy. Duan Tongzhou had the opportunity and skills to kill Zhang at their last fight, but he ended Qian instead. What was the motive? Yuanqi and Pingjing both wonder.

- In the Palace, The Emperor, cute Crown Prince Xiao Yuanshi and the Empress are looking over his progress in studies as every Asian parent does. :P The Empress praises Rasputin/High Priest Pu to the Emperor, citing evil spirits were removed from the Crown Prince's body. The Emperor is unimpressed to the moon and back, and gently rebukes the Empress saying that he has allowed for altars and all this hocus-pocus (much more politely than me, I might add), but its not only the CP she should be thinking about, but the thousands of brave soldiers who died in the recent war, and to pray for Pingzhang's health. The Empress' face sours a bit but she has already planned some prayers.

- I must take a moment to say how beautiful and supremely graceful Mei Ting is in this Empress role. Her comportment is very regal, the way she moves her hands and all the subtle actions make her seem very very grand and impressive.

- So Pingjing and the retinue are now in a wooded area near the Capital, and Pingjing is waiting for something to happen. And so is bro Pingzhang, having reached the capital already and convalescing, thinking about where and when Pingjing will be attacked. We are introduced to his wife Meng Qianxue (the ridiculously attractive Tong Liya) who takes care of his health and his mind it seems, puzzling over the matter with her husband. End episode in the same way as NIF, abruptly - but at least they know how to do it better somewhat, and end near a cliffhanger.

Tong Liya as Meng Qianxue, wife of Xiao Pingzhang.

Thoughts:

A more plot-heavy episode definitely, and also some moments of the budding camaraderie between Lin Xi and Pingjing and Yuanqi.

What I am liking about NIF2, or maybe it is something NIF1 taught me to observe- are the details. There are many beautiful aesthetic details sure, but there are these tiny plot points and acting minutiae that catch me. As I stressed on the recap, Qian's loyalty to Zhang, Yuanqi dealing with the effects of his actions, Lin Xi's subtle observations and the Empress' very perfect demeanour hiding her ill will - its all very well executed.

I would also like to state how ridic and amazing Tong Liya is in the one scene she appears now. I have only seen her in two melo romcoms where she was a very sad heroine beleaguered by life and slapped around by men, and to see her smiling and so cute! Her chemistry with Huang Xiaoming is very natural too.

I think I wont stop raving about the Xiao family's natural warmth with each other. It doesnt seem forced at all.

That being said, now the pacing is a bit sedate for me. I discussed this with a friend and she indicated that if I go back and watch NIF there are many episodes where much doesnt happen in the foreground, but the wheels are always spinning in the background. I am all for giving NIF2 a chance - and I dont think it is required to live up to NIF, considering how classic that show is, and How personally the UST and pain between MCS and Jingyan is a very very main driver of the show for me.

NIF2 does not have that UST for me, but it does have detailed characters, plots that seem reasonable and are exposed very well, a whole galaxy of competent characters. (can i mention how much I love competence kink? But I am shit at writing it!)

I don't know what I will take away from NIF2 towards the end, but right now its the competent men and women, and the lovely family bonds we never got to experience in NIF BECAUSE THEY ALL DIED. (Okay Nihuang and Mu Qing you are an exception).

Thanks for reading, if anybody is reading that is! :)

[kookie-vith-suga]

In your favour

Summary: Normally when someone favours you that is an advantage - especially when it is a prince. For you on the other hand it was the start of a very tricky game of hide and seek.

Word count: 1836

Warnings: A little angst and cliffhanger? I don’t know if you can really call it that.

Author’s note: Hey you lovely people :) Sorry for being off for so long. I do my best to update regularly again.

Anyway here is the Royal Au I asked about a long time ago. The summary sucks but please just read it. I am planning on making a longer story out of this one if you are liking it so please do not hesitate to tell me how you liked it @jesseprettyass @princessnyki and of course all you other cutiepies ♥

Check out my masterlist ;)

Most recent release: You don’t own me // Epilogue

“What a beautiful weather to go hunting!”, Taehyung rejoiced. He stepped on the balcony of his chamber and inhaled the cool air. As he exhaled a little cloud appeared in front of his mouth which indicated that it was still winter despite warming sun on his face. Taehyung made his way to the stables which where a little further away from the castle.

“Are the horses saddled already?”, he asked the stable boy.

“Yes, your majesty.” The boy bowed deeply.

“Thank you, Sam. You can leave now.” Sam bowed again before passing Taehyung. He walked to the backside of the stables where he spotted his and five more horses waiting.

“Who are these other horses for? Me and Yun wanted to go alone!”, Taehyung stated enraged.

A man in full armour stepped forward and spoke: “You know we cannot allow the majesties to go into the woods without protection.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes clearly annoyed. I am one hundred percent sure that my mother was the one who sent them once again. Well I cannot change it so I should accept it. He clapped his hands. “Okay then let’s go! I hope you have experience with hunting, fellows.” Taehyung mounted his horse Flavio and turned towards the small boy next to him who was about to do the same.

“Since this is your first hunting trip I want you to stay close and listen to what I say Yun. Understand?”, he urged the boy.

He waited till the younger one nodded before pulling on the rein and turning his horse towards the entrance to the woods. When everyone had positioned themselves behind him he broke into a gallop. A lot of snow awhirled which let them disappear into a white cloud.

As they reached a small clearing Taehyung freezed and raised his hand to indicate the others to do the same. He eavesdropped: “Can you hear this?” A  mixture of crowing and burbling was heard. Taehyung descended from his horse and pressed the reins into the hands of on of the guards. He took the arc out of its holster. Yun who had appeared on his side emulated his deed. Taehyung pointed towards a bush and whispered: “On my mark we will shoot.” He nodded eagerly the smaller bow was shaking in his hands. Taehyung bended down and picked up a rock which was hidden under a thin layer of snow. They exchanged looks before Taehyung threw it right towards the bush. 

“Now”, he shouted as a handful of pheasant flapped their wings. The both of them simultaneously traced their arcs and shot. With a heavy thud on hit the ground.

“A great shot, Yun. I am sure next time you will hit one too”, Taehyung patted his shoulder encouraging . All the guards praised Taehyung and one went to collect the pheasant.

As they continued their trip it started snowing again but this would not hold them back.

Hour after hour went by unfortunately without any further preys so as it started dawning they decided to head back to the castle. Only that now was more troublesome and took way longer because of the extreme snowfalls. They had clearly underestimated that fact. The horses were so exhausted that they needed to take a break as they had made only three quarters of their route. While two guards tried to light a fire, the other two plus Taehyung took care of the horses.

Suddenly Taehyung noticed how quite it was. “Yun?”, he called out. There was no answer. He spun around and called him again but this time a little louder: “Yun, come here!” No respond. Alarmed he looked to his right and left before stomping over to one of the guards.

“Where is Yun?”, he questioned.

“Over there in the snow, your majesty”, he answered with a confident voice and pointed towards a spot about five meters away. Taehyung followed his arm but there was no one to see.

“I hope you can correct your that or else we’ve got a problem here”, Taehyung gritted his teeth. The guard jumped to his feet and bowed.

“I will go look for him. Don’t worry, your majesty. We will find him!” He ran towards the other guards to inform them of the missing prince. Yun can’t just vanish into the air?! He must be here somewhere!

“Split up! He can’t have come so far. He is just a small boy!”, Taehyung ordered. He tried to shield his eyes with one hand and turned around but there was no chance. The snow was falling so fast and thick that you could not see further then five meters. “Yun!”, he called again and walked into a random direction. He repeated that action till someone hold him back at the hem of his cloak.

“Your majesty some of the guards will go search for him by horse. Please remain in this place with the rest!”, one of the guards urged Taehyung.

“I will not just sit around here when my brother is missing!”, Taehyung snapped back.

“You majesty, please! It is too dangerous for you to go! We do not know if he maybe got abducted”, the guard stressed.

Taehyung let out a deep sigh before returning to the fireplace. He sat down on a branch and held his hands towards the fire to warm himself up. Over the turmoil he had forgotten how cold it was and how much he was freezing. The snow had covered nearly every plant around him so much that many branches were weighed down by it. Taehyung could relate to them. The fear that his brother could maybe be taken away was horrific. It felt like someone was standing on his chest which prevented him from breathing freely.

He did not know how long he had sat there starring into the flames as he thought to have heard Yun’s voice. He raised his head just to check as he spotted Yun running towards him. He was holding hands with a woman who struggled to keep in pace with him. For the last few meters he then let go of her hand and ran right into Taehyung’s arms. He closed them tightly around him. At a single blow all the worries had disappeared and Taehyung felt like he could breath normally again. Yun’s shoulders were covered with a way too big coat but he was still freezing cold. Taehyung positioned him more towards the fire.

“Where the hell where you?”, he questioned after a while.

“I just wanted you to be proud of me”, he cried into his shoulder.

“What do you mean, Yun?”, he questioned confused while caressing his hair in a soothing manner.

A loud thud stopped Yun’s crying. All eyes looked towards the direction where they saw the woman face-forward lying in the snow. Yun wreathed out of Taehyung’s hug and ran to her side. He started shaking her roughly.

“Hey, what is wrong?! Wake up!”,  he pleaded. He looked up to Taehuyng. A worried expression on his face. “We need to help her! Without her I would have never find my way back to you!”

Taehyung arised and nodded towards the guards, who immediately picked her up and carried her closer to the fire.

“She is icecold, your majesty and her lips and hands are blue with cold”, remarked one of the guards. “But her heart is still beating”, another one quickly added with an uneasy gaze towards Yun.

“We must get her out of this horrible cold! Let’s go! Back onto the horses!”, Taehyung made a small pause while focussing on Yun, “And you will tell me everything that had happened!” His voice was firm.

Your eyelids still felt heavy as your blinked your eyes open. You were lying on a plain bed in a unfamiliar room. Suddenly your eyes widen and you sat up. A horrible idea since that send a stroke of pain through your head.

“Where am I?”, you panicked and tried to stand up. You could not even take a step since your legs seemed to be too weak to carry you. You were about to fall but two strong arms prevented you from that.

“Please remain in the bed.You are safe here”, a blond haired man insisted as he gently sat you down on the edge of the bed, “You are at royal court because you rescued the small prince . But then you fainted before we could thank you. That is why we brought you here.”

You burried your face into your hands in complete overload. You needed some time to sort your thoughts and clear the situation.

Taehyung was not used to this kind of behaviour. No one would dare to look to the ground when the prince was in the room. All eyes were always on him.

“How is the boy?”, you inquired after a long silence.

“He is alive and kicking”, he made a meaningful pause, “Thanks to you. The Kim-family is deeply indebted to you”, he bowed a little.

“Did you just say Kim like from the Kim-Kingdom?! That boy was really a prince. I cannot believe it”, your face showed a shocked expression, “I really need to go now. Thank you for your medical care. I will manage it somehow from here.” You pushed yourself up from the bed.  A second later your arms grasped on his shoulders searching for a little support since you were staggering so much.

“I am sorry”, you mumbled ashamed and retrieved your hands fastly. More or less stable you stood in front of him with tinted red cheeks.

You weren’t raised like this. Manners were the most important thing in the life you grew up. That and a convincing faked smile. But being away from home  exposed to a whole different everyday world you have found yourself re-weighting the value of them.

“In your condition you can barely walk let alone travel!”, Taehyung emphazised as he inspected your unsteady footing. “Please lie down again!  You will recover in really no time if you rest now. We got the best physician. I promise. I will go get him. Just wait, please”, he urged you. A little dumbfounded you looked after the man who left the room running. You slowly sink down on the bed again.

It seems like fate is playing a game with my life. I must have been a murderer or worst in my previous life! What did I do to deserve all this? You shook your head still trying to comprehend everything.

If Hoseok knew that I am here right now, it could cause a war between the two greatest kingdoms. It would mean a horrible war were a lot of innocent souls would suffer at my expense. That is the last thing I want. Staying here is too dangerous! I need to get out of here as soon as possible!

I am a little insecure about it tbh. I have planned it for so long and it turned out different. I hope you still liked it so far and want me to continue because I think this can be very cool also it may does not seem like it at first ;)

[heyymonkey2]

First Night Back in Fuuga Ch 33: Preparing for What’s Coming

AO3 Link to Chapter 33

Summary: Friends arrive to help Yona and Hak transition into everything new

Knock Knock Knock -- the sweet rhythm gives itself away.

The entire room looks toward the door, hearts lifted, as Yun approaches to open it. And when he does--

Yona bursts onto him with a hug and cheery face, “You’re here!”

Catching his balance, Yun smiles as he lifts his arms to hug her back, “It’s surprising, alright, but… here we are. Our own room in the palace.”

Yona glances across at Jae-Ha, Shin-Ah, and Ao beaming at her.

“I can’t wait to show you everything! This was my home for most of my life. My whole world.”

“Then I can’t wait to see it,” Jae-Ha coos as he approaches, “Your Majesty.”

“Oh Jae-Ha…” Yona blushes, “You don’t need to address me like that.”

“You know how I adore powerful women,” he lifts her hand to his lips for a gentle peck.

Yona’s eyes go wide. Powerful? Sure, maybe that’s true… but it’s still so weird to hear. Less than a year before she’d been at her most powerless. A painful point of reference she’ll carry with her always.

Yona glances down toward Jae-Ha’s abs, where he’d been hurt in battle, “How are you feeling?”

“Don’t worry, Dear. I may not be Zeno, but we dragons heal quickly,” Jae-Ha looks up out the door and far in the distance sees Hak leaning against a wall, watching.

As Ao bounds onto Yona and she with a giggle rushes to Shin-Ah, Jae-Ha slips out the door with a simple “be right back” to Yun.

A few strides later, Jae-Ha arrives at Hak.

“You’re an impressive man, Hak, but I think you’d have to actually split in two to be both the king and her bodyguard. Unless you tied her up and took her with you everywhere."

Both men look at each other considering, then smile at how impossible that would be with Yona.

Hak looks longingly toward the door that has her within, “I knew what I was getting into when I married her. I didn’t know what I was getting into when we got her back here.”

“King.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Jae-Ha would normally bug him further, but he can tell this concept is actually bothering Hak, so instead--

“You know, there are a couple handy dragons around… sworn to protect her, specials powers, and all that. You can trust us. Not to mention some warrior seems to have taught her how to fight for herself.”

Hak looks back to Jae-Ha, “Yeah, I know. I trust you all. I just don’t trust this place. Not yet. There’re some things I need to take care of."

"I have no doubt," Jae-Ha's just waiting for the ask.

"Mundok should be arriving today. Keep an eye on her till then?”

“Of course,” Jae-Ha had already planned on it.

Hak takes one last glance at the door, then heads in another direction.

While Yun checks on Min-Soo and Shin-Ah hunts for a stash of nuts for Ao, Yona walks with Jae-Ha in one of the palace's elaborate flower gardens to find privacy.

“Here!” at last Yona finds the fountain she was looking for, a little trickle of water to further mask the sound of their voices. She sits and Jae-Ha joins at her side.

“Oh!” Jae-Ha gasps when Yona throws her arms around his shoulders in a hug.

“I’m sorry,” she pulls back and looks up at him teary-eyed, “Finally we can talk -- I’m just so relieved you’re OK. Jae-Ha… back at Kai.”

“I thought you’d be mad at me.”

“Furious,” Yona admits, “You pinned me down!”

Jae-Ha looks so very sorry.

Yona looks ahead, determined, “But thank you: you were right. If I had started things over that way, I would be no better than Soo-Won. That’s not how I want to live my life.”

Jae-Ha looks out over the water, “You’re a hard master to follow. And the most easily admirable.”

“You know I’m not your master. And you could have died! Jae-Ha, you mean the world to me. Don’t think that wouldn’t have affected me as deeply. Please, be selfish -- protect yourself.”

“I was.”

Yona watches him a moment, not entirely grasping his meaning. But on his countenance… well, the meaning must be deep.

“Zeno aside… dragon lives are short.”

“Jae-Ha...”

“It’s a reality we’re always aware of. Yona, since meeting you… it’s the first time in my life I felt whole. And not just OK with this life… thankful. That’s why, if someone needs to sacrifice himself for you -- I want it to be me.”

“Jae-Ha, why are you…?”

He smiles softly down to her, “Hak.”

And suddenly Yona understands… if things had been different and it hadn’t been Jae-Ha that day, it would’ve most certainly been Hak. If he’d had his way. ...as always, Jae-Ha wasn’t just protecting her.

“He’s the most resilient man I’ve ever seen. I think he might live forever. And he has good reason to.”

Yona blushes a little and looks down at her shoes… “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course.”

Still looking down, “He may have another good reason on the way.”

When Yona braves peeking up at Jae-Ha, his returning smile reaches the bottom of her heart.

On she and Jae-Ha’s way back, Yona spots Mundok with Tae-Woo at the other end of the main courtyard. She starts running.

Mundok turns to see a blur of crimson, pink, and amethyst headed his way. He opens his arms wide. When he bends down, he pulls her into a grand hug -- incredible relief etched across his face.

Mundok, fully aglow, looks up at Jae-Ha approaching from the same direction the princess came as he sets her down. With a quick glance around, “The boy left your side?!”

“He’ll be so happy to see you.”

That touches Mundok, “I’m glad to hear you’re both OK. I heard about the battle. Terrible.”

Yona nods, “It was a miracle we survived."

Then Mundok remembers something, “I’m gonna have to kill him."

Tae-Woo has a hand to his face in defeat. Jae-Ha is thoroughly amused.

Yona is shocked, “Why?!”

“He let you get carried off by Soo-Won from the center of battle!”

“He’d just taken down the enemy leader!” Tae-Woo tries to clarify.

“He’d better have!”

“He’d almost taken down Soo-Won--”

“--had he, the princess wouldn’t have--”

“I’m fine!” Yona stresses, trying to calm the violent banter, “Jae-Ha found me. It was very lucky.”

The Wind men look at Jae-Ha with admiration. Mundok pulls the green dragon into a warm hug which is shocking after all those fighting words. Tae-Woo watches unphased.

“It’s good to see you, Jae-Ha. It’s a great thing you did for the princess.”

Jae-Ha watches the old man, wondering how much he knows about what happened that day…

“By the way, Lady Lili was just looking for you.”

“Lili’s here?!” Yona lights up even more.

“Just arrived. We crossed her at the gate. She was asking about Jae-Ha.”

Jae-Ha glances toward the gate in confusion...

“I’m glad you could make it,” Joo-Doh says from where he's been waiting.

Hak closes the door to the king’s quarters behind him.

With sarcasm, "Nice work," Hak looks back toward the wall that Yona told him had gone to flames the night Soo-Won murdered her father in here, "you can’t tell there was ever a fire in here.”

“It’s important to me that you know I had nothing to do with that.”

“Why? Because it’s true? Or because I’m about to be king?”

Joo-Doh rises from the chair where he was sitting and approaches Hak so they can see each others’ eyes.

“I serve the king, whoever that may be. For the good of the Sky Tribe and Kouka.”

“Half your tribe was in on it. How did your men raise a sword to the princess and you not know about it?”

Joo-Doh looks away in frustration, then back, “I don’t know.”

“Not a single member of the Wind Tribe would have ever…”

“I’m aware that there may still be corruption in the Sky Tribe. It’s my commitment that I’ll weed those warriors out.”

Hak isn’t so sure about that…

“But to keep you and the princess safe, to win loyalty and inspire these men… I need something to tell them about that night. What really happened.”

“You’re so good at telling the truth, why not start with that?”

“I have no idea what the truth is. About that night or the battle with Kai. I myself am not sure if you’re a king I should be inspired to support or wary to follow.”

Hak stares at Joo-Doh, pissed. Not just because of what he said. Also because Hak doesn’t actually know what happened to Soo-Won at Kai. Just that the bastard's gone now. He’d figured he’d get a chance to get more details from the princess once they had some privacy, but that's not the direction things took...

“Do me a favor and don’t ever speak to Her Majesty like that,” Hak growls, his words sharp as blades, “We would appreciate it if you could get control of your tribe,” then looking at Joo-Doh straight in the eyes, “and if you want to know the truth, remember back on the childhoods you watched for so long. What kind of people do you honestly think we are?”

As Hak leaves, Joo-Doh sadly replies, “That’s the same reason I was loyal to Soo-Won after that night. I hope you can understand my confusion.”

Without looking back, Hak closes the door behind him, then stares forward over that damned courtyard. Yes, he can understand. That confusion has been the worst pain of his life.

The sight of that spot where she was on her knees, that sword above her… Hak’s breath catches. Suddenly he’s desperate to hold her, remind himself she’s OK.

Jae-Ha is letting Mundok alone escort Yona to a meeting scheduled with Kyo-Ga since the meeting needs to be private anyway and Mundok is the pinnacle of people to trust. Also, because Yona has been privately sharing special news today...

Yona is bursting to tell Mundok about she and Hak’s news, but knows she can’t yet. They haven’t seen a doctor to know for sure and Hak should definitely be there when they tell his grandfather…

“Your Majesty,” Kyo-Ga bows profoundly to Yona who has just arrived before the meeting room.

In the privacy of the generals' meeting room, Kyo-Ga confides, “Your coronation is imminent. So long as Soo-Won doesn’t appear within the next week, there will be no complication.”

Yona nods, “You wanted to meet to confirm this?"

“No… I wanted to meet to discuss seeing to it there would be no complications.”

“What do you mean?”

“No one knows exactly what happened to Soo-Won, correct?”

“...it's correct I’m not sure of Soo-Won’s current state,” Yona is careful not to lie.

“If he does appear somewhere or heavens forbid show up at the palace… I’d like to assure you that he will disappear once more. He will not be king or a threat to you any longer.”

Yona’s eyes go wide, “That's…”

“I’d like to protect you and your crown, Your Majesty, because of all you represent.”

“I don’t represent that, Kyo-Ga,” it slips out.

“Pardon?”

Yona can see a certain terror in his eyes, that she’s upset with him or worse, so she softens, “Please don’t concern yourself with such measures. There are more important issues to focus on...”

They meet eyes for a challenging moment, then Kyo-Ga eloquently changes the topic to Yona’s relief.

Yet all through the rest of the meeting, Yona is bothered by the idea she may not have convinced the Fire general to set aside his special effort…

Outside again, Yona sits with Mundok at Hak’s favorite bench.

“I once had many conversations with your father about meetings like this,” Mundok reveals, looking down at Yona tenderly like her father himself, “If you have the Fire Tribe’s support, then everything else aside, there is something good there.”

“Yes, but… Mundok,” Yona can’t take it anymore, she has to tell someone, she feels overwhelmed and sick, anxious, “I’ve complicated everything terribly. Most think he’s dead. Kyo-Ga just said he would kill him if he wasn’t. … but I had Kija and Zeno take him someplace safe.”

“Who…? Slow down,” Mundok grows concerned at Yona’s fast pace and her face turning white.

“Soo-Won,” her eyes flash up, “he’s still alive.”

Out. Finally, the words are out. And instead of better, the shock on Mundok’s face makes Yona feel worse. She feels like she’s gonna throw up but she can’t. Air. She needs air.

Yona bolts up to her feet only to feel immense dizziness.

She takes a step and falls.

“Look at you, upright and everything.”

Jae-Ha turns around at the training grounds where he’d gone in hopes of finding Hak. Instead, it appears he's been found by Lady Lili.

“It was no thanks to Hak’s gentle handling, but I survived,” Jae-Ha takes a seat at one of the benches overlooking the field.

Lili joins beside him, “I’m just looking for Yona.”

Jae-Ha is annoyed that he kind of knows that’s a lie, “She’s at the generals’ meeting room.”

Lili nods but makes no effort to get up, “How are you doing? Your wounds?”

“I’d be remiss not to ask you the same.”

“Hm?”

“I heard about your father,” Jae-Ha admits sincerely.

Lili stares forward, serene. Jae-Ha notices there’s something different about her now -- something in the look in her eyes.

Mundok sits at Yona’s bedside in a small patient room, trying and failing to suppress an enormous smile. Yona looks exhausted, but content in her bedding.

Hak rushes in past the doctor who tries to slow him down. Yona smiles up at him and he back down at her -- only to be grabbed by Mundok and dragged into an adjacent room, door closed.

Hak is frantic to get back to her-- “What happened?! Is she hurt?”

“The princess is fine.”

Hak sighs relief, then sees the way Mundok is looking at him…

“Did the doctor say something…”

Mundok’s eyes narrow, “You couldn’t give her any time to recuperate after the battle…?”

Hak’s cheeks turn pink as he lifts a hand to nervously scratch the back of his head as he looks down in search of a non-super-awkward answer, “Gramps, I…”

But when Hak looks back up, he sees Mundok’s face is bright and teary. The elder strides over and pulls his grandson into a heartfelt bear hug.

“Don't worry about that -- there’s no such thing as a good time for starting your family,” Mundok is so damn proud, “Congratulations, Boy. What a blessing. And I’ll be a great grandfather… The gods are clearly behind your union. What an incredible child this will be. What a great fortune this is.”

Hak can barely breathe from the hug, but despite that he is immensely thankful his grandfather is so happy about this. ...he just got the princess pregnant and Mundok isn’t trying to kill him. This is a miracle beyond miracles.

“So it’s for sure…?” Hak manages, “We didn’t know yet.”

Mundok nods, “It’s for sure. And the princess let me know why you didn’t come to a doctor sooner.”

“I didn’t like it,” Hak stresses.

“It was a good idea,” Mundok corrects, “The generals have almost all arrived. The meeting about coronation will take place tomorrow. The princess can’t be seen with a doctor. She needs to appear in good health.”

“Then what about…?” Hak nods toward the room with the doctor.

“I’ll see to it this one stays quiet. The princess should be fine if she stays in your care the rest of the day and through the night. But you need to get her spirit back up. She loves you, Boy, I'm sure you'll have no trouble.”

Hak looks away from his grandfather, his face now completely red from the awkward.

Hak enters to see his wife looking up at him with worried eyes.

“I know you wanted to come to the doctor together,” Yona apologizes.

“No, no, I’m just happy you and the baby are OK,” Hak sits beside her and bends down to kiss her forehead.

“The baby…,” Yona beams up at him remembering, “our baby.”

Hak takes one of her hands in his and caresses her cheek with his other, “I wanna do something special for you tonight. Will you come somewhere with me -- just us?”

[cthroughthelookingglass]

Love & π - Review

Ok, so... I never write reviews for the dramas I watch mainly because there are only 2 dramas that have made it into my 10/10 list. One is “I Remember You” (If you haven’t watched that masterpiece... what are you waiting for?) and the other is, yeah, you guessed it: Love & π. 

FAIR WARNING: This drama is not for everyone. If you don’t like it when the main leads fall in love after years of growing up together, this is not for you. If you don’t like flawed characters who make stupid mistakes and decisions, this is not for you. If you don’t like a bit of melo in your slice of life, this is not for you.  

                                                     SPOILERS!!

I’m cool with all those things because I believe they gave this drama the emotional punch and realistic feel it has. I like realistic and layered characters with flaws. That’s what we all are, to be honest: a bunch of walking flaws and bad decisions. 

QUICK SUMMARY

Yuan Yuan, Wu Xian and Hou Zi grow up in the same orphanage and are inseparable. After they come off age, the 3 of them decide to head to Taipei in order to start their new lives. WX and YY get accepted in college, while HZ chooses not to study and let the school of life teach him everything there is to know. YY’s main reason for being in Taipei is not really her studies, though. What YY wants the most is to conquer Taipei before her mother does, because she resents her for abandoning her in the middle of the park when she was a child. YY’s bio mom had expressed that this was her dream, and YY wants to take it away from her as a way of getting back at her. Oh, yes, YY has serious abandonment issues that she struggles with. HZ and WX are more focused on their personal growth than their pasts, though. They seem to have accepted their situation and don’t let it affect their minds and emotions. While they want to move forward, YY is stuck in the past. Regardless, they initially support YY and stand by her when she lets them. As the years go by, however, YY gets absorbed by her need for revenge and starts making questionable decisions at work which, in turn, piss off the always by the book WX. Needless to say, this drives a wedge between the two of them.   

YUAN YUAN (Ivy Shao)

The story of our main girl opens by introducing a cartoon adaptation of the story of “The Little Match Girl” by Hans C. Andersen. You think you know how the cartoon is gonna end, until the tale takes an unexpected turn...

Oh. Hello there, Zhao Yuan Man! You’re about to become one of my favorite heroines ever. 

As you may have noticed YM is the type of girl who thinks outside the box and refuses to settle for less than what she considers fair. She thought the match girl shouldn’t die because the cruelty she was suffering wasn’t fair, and made her a rich inventor with a happy ending instead. Even after everyone mocked her “for not knowing the real ending”, she stood up for herself and told them: This is my imaginary scenario, and no one gets to mess with it. YM is ambitious. She relentlessly fights for what she believes and wants if she believes it’s fair. The downside of this type of personality is that strong convictions can easily deviate into plain stubborness, and YM was a hard nut to crack at times. I loved watching her struggle with her job and with her life as a whole. She wasn’t a Mary Sue or a Wonder Woman. She was real and her struggles were as real as she was.  

WU XIAN (Ben Wu)

There’s the Yang to YY’s Yin. One wants to change the world while the other wants things to stay the same. WX is a bit of a know-it-all and he can get a bit self-righteous from time to time, but he’s kind, protective, and loving towards YY. The guy just lurves her since they were children because he both admires and fears her brilliant and ambitious personality. He’s the papa bear of the group, and is always worrying for his friends and sacrificing himself for them... until he gets fed up, that is. I honestly don’t blame him when he basically tells them to shove it, because he was entitled to his anger and both YY and HZ were screwing up big time when it happened.

HOU ZI (Daniel Chen)

Yep, you guessed it. This is the couple’s counsellor. He’s grown up with them (They were from an orphanage. I forgot to mention that!) and is their main supporter. Hou Zi (aka Monkey) is such a special and lovable guy. He loves his friends and wants the best for them as he faces a myriad of issues throughout the drama. One of his most poignant moments is when he falls for a girl who is in love with WX, and slowly drifts apart from him because he can’t stand seeing them together. Yeah, I know, I wouldn’t trade my friends for a crush, but HZ felt betrayed when WX decided to give himself an opportunity with Ruo Yun in order to get over his break up with YY. It’s understandable from both perspectives. Both were hurt and both felt betrayed and affected by the entire ordeal. WX was entitled to date RY because she had made it clear to HZ that she didn’t like him. HZ was entitled to his frustration because WX was blatantly using RY to get over his true love, YY. RY was just cool with getting used as long as WX acknowledged her, so there’s that mess. It felt like a punch in the gut because their friendship was precious, but that’s as true to life as it can get, and it felt strangely refreshing watching WX not sacrifice himself for a change.        

THE ROMANCE

There are points in the story when you don’t really know if YY and WX will be able to meet halfway, and find a way to handle their strong differences. They lock horns in more than one occasion, grow tired of each other, let go very easily.  WX figures out how to stop YY from pushing him away, and decides to stick it out till the end as proof that he will not abandon her like her mother did. YY is a bit of a porcupine, though. She gives the poor guy a hard time and breaks his heart in more than one occasion, ultimately “abandoning” him herself.  

It takes years of distance, evolution and growth until they are finally on the same page. WX realizes that if he truly wants to be with YY, he has to be able to see eye to eye with her and deal with their conflicts maturely. YY realizes that WX only has her best interest at heart. She eventually understands why he grows increasingly frustrated with her when she self-destructs, and how hard it’s for him to see her get hurt by her own actions. 

Don’t you just love it when the leads in your drama have these kinds of breakthroughs? The idea of change is one of the main themes in this drama. Are you supposed to be the same forever? How does society change us? Is it okay to change? Which are the kind of changes that are really worth it?   

WX was right... back when they dated for the first time, they were an unbalanced see-saw. He was a bit judgy and she was very stubborn. They needed to evolve more to be able to stand in each other’s shoes and truly understand what the other was feeling.

Wu Xian: “Don’t push me away. Okay? I was wrong. I was too weak. I thought I was taking responsibility by doing what I did before. I hurt everyone because I never had courage all along. But now I’m different. I love you. From the first day we met until now. When you are happy, I am happy. If you’re sad, I am sad. All of my emotions are dictated by you. You taught me what love is. Do you remember when you asked me why I had never asked about my birth or wondered about my parents? It’s because of you. You made me feel that as long as you were with me, there wasn’t anything missing in my life. If losing those things, was the price to pay for meeting you, I’m okay with that."   

The scene when they get back together in the last episode is just so freaking powerful. The chemistry is through the roof (BW & IS worked together before in “The Perfect Match” but he was the annoying second lead, and I wasn’t aware of their power to warm my heart). Anyway, let’s go straight to the point. No matter what happens during the story, WX always wants to be YY’s hand warmers whenever this “little match girl” faces a freezing cold winter. Even when they are heading in opposite directions they manage to remain inseparable and bounce back to each other.

Ugh, I’m such a sucker for brilliant metaphors and well inserted intertextual components. Props to this writer for the outstanding and seamless weaving of these elements throughout the entire drama. I’m just in awe. This is good and carefully planned writing, people.     

                                                                         final score: 10/10 💛

[kingkimono]

All my Thoughts During the Breakup

16/2/20

If he ever goes back to Bacolod:

- Beach Trip with chips and drinks, watch a movie sa beach and chill out. Atleast for the first time and last time dinala ko siya sa kung san ako nakafeel ng peace.

Diba nga we shouldnt wait na, im done wishing and regretting. We've been in such a rough path, at times we gave up but still fought and eventually naubusan ka ng gana. But I want you to know, my mind is sure na I will pick you over and over and over again till my last breath of air. I planned for this for almost 2 months, I've always wanted to bring you here but never got the chance.

*kneel*

John Christian Villarete Entrata, right here right now we're under a thousand stars and under a midnight sky shining above us. My journey with you has been such great ride that I dont want for it to end. I dont want to ever regret not doing this.

I vow to help you love life. I vow to be patient with whatever love demands. To share my voice when you are silent. I vow to live in your heart and to call it my home forever.

I vow to love you in all forms now and forever. I promise to you that I will engrave it to my heart that this is a once in a lifetime love. I promise to the universe that I will love you and your soul.

I promise to you in the most deepest and in sincerest form that no matter what challenges may arise in the future we will always. always. find our path towards each other.

palanggaon taka adlaw-adlaw, lutuan ta ka sang paborito mo sud-an always. panaad di tagid ka pabay-an. Ini tanan para sa imu.

I love you. I want to love you everyday for the rest of my life. I want to take care of you like there's no tomorrow, I promise not to leave you, to always cherish every moment with you. I want my present and future to be with you. Every single part of you.

19/2/20

the moment he chatted you he already knew the probability of it happening. to think bago k palang sa gnung situation.

sht ako na humahabol, i needed you to hold on for us. if we can fix it then bskit ayaw mo. You care for his feelings pero pano ako? Mas lamang pa ba sha kaysa sako. sa pinagdaanan natin?

21/2/20

Saw a bunch of pics sa phone mo and sht hurts haha! He gave you a hickey diay sa? I used to do that hahaha sht sakita. sakit kaayo. The fact na magkasama tayo right now, the fact na nasa tabi kita shit sakita. The fact na may kausap kang iba tas katabi kita ITS FUCKING TORTURE. Anong magagawa ko? Kahit masakit lahat ng to okay nalang no? Ayokong mawala ka e. Masgusto kong katabi kita e, mas gusto kong samahan ka e. Sarap umiyak hahahaha pero sige nalang.

Masaya ka naman sa pictures nyo, kahit pta parang tinatanggal ung puso ko looking at the pics. Nasa isip ko nalang basta masaya ka. basta masaya ka. Yun mahalaga. Bahala ng masakit sa part ko importante masaya ka. Sarap mag beg ulet hahaha. kung pwede lang

Shet sa, Jan 30 na nagchat and sht 15 days nalang ohhh shettt di pa umabot sa plano ko aghh ptangina.

Hold my ear again please? haha you used to play with it man sauna, I missed your hand. Kahit sa sandaling yun pwedeng itigil ang oras? Pwedeng 10 more minutes ato? Wil lalways have a soft spot for you fuck.

Bahala na, matuloy lang March 21 okay nako.

23/2/20

Things I want to say...

ROTC

The whole time. Sakit kaayo ato, a part of me ayaw kang makasama but a big part sako man ganahan ka ubanan, yokong magisa ka. Gusto kitang samahan. Shit the whole time na nung nakupo tayo tas you were playing with my ear puta fucking torture. for you to chat him during those time ptaa sarap magpakamatay nun pero sht mahal kita e. Kahit masakit i wanted you to hold my ear, i wanted you to nap lang. Fuck sana ako parin yung kachat mo gabi2. sana ako yung sumusundo sayo. Sana ako yung nagpapasaya sayo.

Sana nung isang time sa rotc nung before raati and you played with my ear sabe ko nun sa isip ko "Lord pedeng itigil nyo ung time, pwedeng dito lang kahit ngayon lang." Soft spot ko yun e, you always played with it man. Nung natutulog ka tas rested sa may thigh ko the whole time nakatingin lng ako sayo. Sabe ko "wag ka munag gumising, dyan ka lang. dyan ka lang" Shet I didnt want it to end kahit yun lang.Opened your phone ato and wala nasira din ako nun pero wala akong magawa, wala lang naman ako.

MASAKIT

YUNG SHT pag nag chat ka diretso chat ko because shet naisip mokong kausapin. When i try to talk to you e inbox lang ako. Napakasakit na part dun? At that moment may own problems ka with your new lover habang ako, ikaw ung iniisip ko lagi. Kung baga may problem ka with him and like shet para talagang walang ngyre satin. Like the whole time we were togethe ris just GONE.

Sht bai like fuck di mo ba naisip how traumatic, how painful, how sht I feel? Sht I want to be next to you pero you have someone else and fuck pinapatay ko sarili ko.

Replaceable

Naisip ko am I really that easy to replace? The point is okay depende yan sa tao on how fast they move on and all pero di mo ba naisip sa part ko? To respect me? Ung pinagdaanan natin? Fuck everyday iniisip ko nalang shet ganun lang kabilis palitan, kalimutan, pagsabihan na ayaw na. Fuck kase natrauma talaga ako, ang sakit talagang isipin. To think you found someone na, nakalimutan nako sa mga pinagdaanan natin, mga trips and carnival times and everything! Sht

Right now nasa other relationship ka worrying about that pero sht ako stuck satin, nmmroblema ako kase sht umaasa ako na kahit isang butil ng bigas na size na love meron ka sako.

First Love

Alam kong di ako pala date and ikaw lang cinonsider ko as my first real relationship, because of you ive changed for the better. I did stuff i never thought id do. Lahat ng to ginawa ko para sayo, fuck i love you that much. Iniisp ko nalang kung minahal mo ba talaga ako kade chan ang sakit sakit na wala lang ako sayo, like im like any other person sa room. Fuckkk

28/2/20

its so easy for you to say move on, na ayaw mo na na dili naka. its bc you already found someone to fill the hole that im the one thats suppose to complete that. Its so easy for you kase you dont have to worry naman, all your love for me you gave it to him.

In the process of all these things if he wasnt in the picture or anyone in general then there would've been a higher probabilty of you coming back sako. You've given so much emotions and care for this new person na dumating that you forget about me na, na you think okay ra bc you yourself kay steady naman, you dont have to worry naman.

The amount of trauma and pain this brings me baya. Lets say di ka nga naghanap lain and you were still single and I didnt want to get back together. Theres still a respect jpon ba kay shempre dugay baya ta, naa jud tay gipagdaanan together. Sa ginawa mo and how fast things are going I cant help not to feel this way.

Imagine if you were in my shoes, ano mararamdaman mo? Kase with all thats happening may someone kana to kung baga a safety net because if nag antay ka o hinde naa kana someone. The point is i needed you to hold on gamay ra, never ever jd ko nakathink na mangitag lain, during those times need ko tlga iprocess everything. Imagine mo while ga heal i found out naa diay ka bago, how shtty jud sa feeling ana nakakaoff guard. Out of all ppl thst i thought would understand ikaw pa jud gaingani. Jaya madali sbhin para sayo na move on nako.

How can i move on kung in the first place di ganto ang iniisip ko ever. How can i move on kung gaheal ko from what happened tas someone comes into the picture tas suddenly you want us to be friends nalang. Di mo ba inisip yun? I feel so replaceable, na madaling iwan, ipagpalit agad2. Never ko inisip na maghanap lain because you are here! Us! I believe in us, na this is the one big wave in the rlntship kung san maayo nato and its infinite na. Pero hinde, u decided to give your heart agad, to leave me. Thst in it self is a choice.

6/3/20

Realization:

Found out na he told his roommate na sauna na dugay na siya ganahan makipag bulag, di nya magawa because ayaw nya na siya ang makipagbulag and probability of mag mahay. The one time makipagbulag ko was like a ticket for what he always wanted. The ticket to set him free. Now I realized na the reason why he doesn't want to fight for us, why he's okay with everything, why he doesn't care about me, why its so easy for him.

An analogy kung san there's one room full of boxes, boxes that represent us, you and me. It's like you were preparing your boxes in a corner and everything packed up. You were just waiting for the one thing for me to breakup so you could bring everything of your boxes. I was too busy loving you na di ko namalayan you were already packing your things, to leave the moment I said those words. Its why im stunned, why I feel lost, confused, in pain. Then I realized the moment I entered that room, it was my boxes nalang natira.

I never thought to myself to breakup up completely or to even find another, I know for a fact that what I felt during those moments were real and I had all the right to feel them. Prinsipyo ko is di ako makipagbulag but the one time those words came out my mouth thats when you felt relief.

Just to make it clear lang, wala ko gamahay na nakigbulag saimo or with what happening right now. Now I know kung bakit ganito. The only mahay I feel is that I believed in your promises but okay ra. I know di ako magmahay because I know for a fact that it was never my intention to breakup and it was not my fault to begin with. and never my fault to feel that way and all the efforts I made. With whatever mindset that you have right now e respect ko yan.

Thats the thing jud kase ive been looking at this problem in different angles pero wala jud ko kathink ug any other reasons pa onto why you dont want to fightna, its like kung anong e reason mo sobrang kulang, sobrang babaw. Nung nalaman ko na ganun na pala mindset mo before thats when it all hit me. Kaya madali mong na move on, so totoo lahat ung sinabe mo that very night nakigbulag ko.

Point of the matter is I was hurt with what you did and tyes I told you na dili nako pero in my mind you always chase the person you love man. With the knowledge about you wanting to leave this relationship in the first place prang it was a ticket out for you. We could fix it but yes karon new set of reasons napud and thats okay. Sabe nga diba pag gusto may paraan, kung ayaw may dahilan. Masyado akong naniwala satin na di ko namalayan hinanda mo na palang matapos haha.

I dont think I'll ever get the closure that I need bisag kapila pa ta mag talk. Kase in ever moment that I want to talk about it kulang jud na reason for me. I think I'll find my own closure, kabalo ko not today or tomorrow pero someday. I dont want to force myself onto someone na iba na ang laman ng pusot isipan, di ko rin alam kelan ako titigil sa pagiisip ng ganito. Umaasa nlng ako na siguro balang araw maka self realized nako sa tanan, that I should stop fighting kay ung taong ipinaglalaban ko wala namang gana, na ako lang din ang talo, na ako lang din ung tanga.

Ive always thought na I deserve evrything that you did to me but

8/3/20

patuloy akong lumalaban pero ano pang point? kung yung ipinaglalaban mo ayaw na. Mahal mo na siya e, nahulog kana e. Nung una durog na durog ako and i blamed myself for everything, inisip ko lahat ng sinabe mo na bat ako nakipag break or dapat nag sabe ako na babalik ako.

Pero nung nag sabe sakin yung bird about what you said even before nung break dun nako natauhan, yun na yung piece na magcomplete sa puzzle nato.

Whatever excuse or reason naman kase sabihin mo about what happened between us di parin talaga e. Kulang na kulang and to think ganun lang ako kadali ipagpalit, na sabihan na "kaibigan" lang tayo parang shet haha. Sakin lang narealize mo ung pananakit mo saken kahit late mo ba realize un. I hope balang araw marealize mo din tong sakit na bonigay mo sakin ngayon, with everything that you are doing now.

Now i only ask myself kung kelan ka na fall out of love. nung magkasama tayo ako pa ba nasa isip mo, ako pa ba ang mahal mo nun. Sa lahat ng ngyare satin ngayon iniisip ko nlang lahat ng pinagdaanan natin, nung mga fights na malala nung ldf tayo, na kahit sobrang lala nagawa parin nating ayusin, siguro iba na nga talaga ngayon. Ngayon nawala na pala pagmamahal mo.

Alala mo nung bago pa tayo tas I joined nbdc kase may bacolod event yun? Alala mo nung first natin na pagkita? naalala mo nung first natin na kumain sabay, sa may jollibee. naalala mo nung first time mo dito? alala mo nung pag uuwi nako pabalik duma grabe iyakan natin. tas pagaalis na bus tatawag ka tas maririnig mo nlng ung iyak? naalala mo nung sinurprise kita nung sa bahay tas may fairlights and pictures haha. alala mo nung una mong hinawakan kamay ko? nung unang beses ka nag ily saken? haha.

Wala lang sarap alahanin lahat yun, kase yun ung nagpatibay satin e. Ngayon isa nalang pangarap ko para sayo, sana kung ano man meron sainyo ni josh sana masaya ka lang lagi, sana ingatan ka nya ng mabuti ah? Gusto ko lang namang mapasaya ka and kung si josh na ung magpapasaya sayo, sige nalang. Wala naman na akong laban sakanya.

Ngayon, eto lahat ng to and with everything thats happening. Mahal na mahal kita ah wag mong kakalimutan yan, at dahil mahal kita papalayain na kita okay? Wala nakong laban saknya, kahit ikaw ayaw ng lumaban kaya sige nalang. Im letting you go na ah, puhon kung mahal mo pako balik ka ah?

I love you, mahal kita, ginahigugma taka, palangga taka, ping kanunay

11/3/20

maawa ka sa sarili mo

naaawa ako sa sarili ko, nasa harap ko na yung sakit pero eto parin ako umaasa sa tayo.

buong araw magkasama kayo, sa gabi lang tumatawag, nagchchat. san ba ako banda sa puso mo? anong parte ko sa buhay mo? ganun na ba kababa ng pagkatao ko na madali lang ako mahalin at iwan? madali lang sabihan na namimiss ako pag bored kana? pano nako. nao nako.

13/3/20

even if you do come back

will you remember him whenever we kiss?

will you think of him when im lying next to you?

will you look at me the way you looked at him?

will he be your totga?

will I be the one to fill your heart for now?

am i your temporary home?

there's so many uncertainty with all thats happening right now. do you want me back because you realized how much you truly love me OR do you want me back because he's gone?

He didn't choose you and im here still choosing you everyday and i dont know if thats a good thing or not.

it scares me because the more i spend my time with you, the more that i think about what you two did. what you did to me. how you pushed me away. how i begged for you.

if we're going to make this work i probably need constant assurance from you. its so scary how im letting you back in again

you wanna know the scariest part? its if i do love you again, if i kiss you again, if i hug you again, will you still be thinking of him?

3/23/20

March 23,2020

I wanted to write this down kase its been on my mind a lot lately. I do love him sobra pero it makes me question things na will he ever love me the same way? Nung minahal nya ko nung una babalik pa ba yun?

I'm genuinely happy for him kase may friends na shang madame dito sa SU. Im glad that he's growing as a person and is participating in a lot of activities pero alam mo yung feeling na parang di kana part sa buhay ng isang tao?

Before any of these things happened nung mageenroll pa kame we made a promise na mag uban and together kame sa mga bagay pero di naman talaga pwede ano? Masama ba akong tao kung ayaw ko siya sa ibang tao? Na gusto ko aken lang sha? Di naman completely cut off ppl sa life nya pero tanggalin lang yung mga pinagseselosan o mga nanakit saken. Masama bang hilingin yun?

Honestly i dont know how I feel abt everything right now. All the pain ive been through, sa lahat ng masasakit na bagay na ginawa nya saken. Na palitan ako agad, na hindi lumaban. Kahit ngayon hindi ko na maramdaman yung dati nyang pagmamahal. Di ko alam kung san ako banda sa buhay nya. Its like I lost him.

He's there I can see him. I can talk to him pero theres this feeling na I already lost him. I ask myself if im a bad person for wishing na di sha magkaibigan ng iba, kase takot akong iwan. takot akong masaktan ulit. Bakit nawala siya. Bakit nararamdaman kong wala na ako sakanya.

Di ko alam pano ko nakakaya lahat to. Its like parang nasa isang malaking boardgame ako tas i dont know what im suppose to do. I feel so stuck. i feel so used. i feel so unloved. Bakit hindi nya makita ung sakit na nafefeel ko? Bakit parang kasalanan ko lahat. Kasalanan ko bang maramdaman lahat ng to?

I want him in my life because i love him pero st the same time I wish na sana dun nalang sha sa La salle nag aral. Sana di nagbago setup namin. Bakit bung nasa bcd sha mas minahal nya ako. Bakit kung kailngan magkalapit na kame dun nawala ang pagmamahal. Bakit nung nasa bcd sha andun ung pagmamahal nya. Ang sakit ng lahat. Di ko tlga alam ang gagawin ko.

3/24/20

March 24,2020

If he finds another man. if he chooses another and not me then thats when i'll accept. he never really did love me. ahh sakita sakong heart nganong pasakitan rako nganong ako nalang sige pasakitan.

you didnt even try to talk to me the next day. i waited for you again. you kept saying na I wasnt just for libog. then atleast kamustahin mo naman ako. oo alam kong wala kang responsibility sako pero respetuhin mo naman ako kahit bilang tao.

29/3/20

Naisip ko lang na for us to completely heal from all these issues is maybe we need some time and space apart sa ba.

I want to focus on me kase parang all these time focus lang ako sa pagheal mo na nakalimutan ko din na ako din pala need mag heal. Gusto kong mag move on and heal from what happened satin and what you did. Gusto kong ma embrace yung emotions ko and all my thoughts talaga e. As im healing ikaw din, you can be as free as you like and heal on your own pace ba.

Maybe kaya di ako makaheal is because Im still talking to you. Im okay with us ga follow sa social media and all pero for us to chat mahirap for me. Oo call me marupok/overthinker pero I cant help it if gnito ako thats why need ko muna time for me. As you said di mo nga alam kung takot kang mawala ako and I think thats enough reason for me to realize everything na snbe mo na parang yan na yung heaviest rock you could throw at me.

Di ko snsbeng pagod nakong humabol pero sguro tama ung sinabe mo na "if the universe permits" or mga ana na mindset mo. Siguro kaya lagi akong nag ooverthink is because what if nag heheal ako pero at the end may bago kana and it hit me pud na if kita, kita jud.

Im taking a risk right now and i know murag wala rani para simo akong gitype but its oaky layhan rako makabalo ka. Gusto mo friends ra sa ta and all pero even before tayo maging friends mag heal sa dagay ko kay lisod pa kaayo for me ngayon.

di ko din naman kasalanan kung naghahabol ako sa wala, importante saken humabol ako at di sumusuko. Layhan rako na if mubalik ka, bumalik ka bc love ko nimo like the first time na nagkaila ta, I dont want na bumalik ka for wrong reasons. Di sa laman ta tigchat2 ha? Para din makathink ka for yourself and heal from the pain and i'll do the same.

18/4/20

sha ganahan mag chat ko pero bakit ana ra sa first tas katagalan ako nanaman sige ga make topics ako sige bikis reply ako sige ghulat sa reply nya tas bilis ko pang replyan. Pag napapnsin nya na maikli na replies ko mag send lng sha ng selfie aasa ulit ako. :( alam ko namang di paren sha nakaget over kay ferido. di ko lang alam kung bat nasasaktan at umaasa p sha saknya kaysa sa possibility namen. di ko nga alam kung baket 2 weeks lng get over saken e.

feel ko kung babalik man sha sako baka yun lang nmn tlga pakay nya, mabayaran ko sha at sex. yun lang nmn habol ng muchst sako. di dagay ko worth it mahalun kung igo rako for pleasure. sakit kaayo na mura nakog tanga na nagaantay sa reply, na para bang ako lang may pake na parang pilit lang sakanya. 🥺😞😭 sakit parin ako heart tas ganto pa. sinaktan na gani ko pero hopeful r gihapon, dawaton gihapon. ako raman dagay naay dakong love ani. masasaktan din naman ako sa huli kung panandalian lang din naman pala ako. :( gusto kong umiyak pero di ko kacry kay naa si papa. gusto ko sumigaw pero di man. hilak nalang ako ng patago. iiyak nanaman ako. mahina paren ako.

4/24/20

im throwing myself to a person that could care less if i disappeared. idk na tired of giving my 100% to a person that doesnt even want it and couldnt even give me attention. bahala kana sayang lang effort ko might as well conserve it to someone na crazy for me and wont give up on me.

u crave for lambing, love, attention jud no pero obvious man na hindi saken. U crave it from someone else. alam ko naman kanino. I still feel it. I can still sense it.

[spainmozsombi]

Orientation day and cycling

The thing is dear whoever reading this, that life is not that busy around here, I think I adjusted pretty quickly to this spanish lifestyle of getting up late, going to bed late, and not running after every small thing that should be done asap. This means except the orientation day which was on monday, not much happened so I did not see the point of writing pages about doing basically nothing.

Random observations are coming so watch out. The spanish lifestyle I already told you about also consists not really taking traffic lights seriously (only by car, but sometimes not even with that). Literally nobody’s gonna look at me weird if I cross the road when the lights are red (the thing is, red lights are so freakin long I’m not spanish enough yet to wait that long), nor they will honk if I’m taking my time to pass when I have green light at the crosswalk and they’re turning left/right. Same slow, chill attitude goes when it comes to buying groceries and paying-packing etc. 

About the orientation day. It started at 9 am, which seemed a bit early, and when I got there I thought nobody was gonna be there but a whole bunch of people were lining up already for some registration and getting a piece of paper that I still don’t know what it is good for. I met Oliver, my german friend, he was with an albanian guy who’s name I totally forgot 2 sec after he told me, he seems nice tho, and as a plus, he doesn’t speak any spanish either (and also gonna study political science) which makes me feel a bit less stupid. The faculty of political sciences and sociology (if i’m correct) doesn’t look so fancy from the outside but from the inside it’s much better, nothing very high-tech but definitely better than my faculty at home...(shame). After getting the piece of paper we sat down in a huge lecture hall for some information sessions with the vice dean aaaand the person responsible for international relations including all erasmus stuff. Learned some valuable information regarding credits, non existing language courses, free entry to the Alhambra (big old building, they say it’s kinda famous, looks like it could use some renovation...hope you feel the irony), and a whole lot more. They set up a game for us (for all erasmus students studying at this faculty, there were at least 100 people at this info session), they made groups of 5-6, we had to take a picture together and be creative about how to show what erasmus is all about adding a motto to the picture. I was in a group with french, german, south korean people, I’m not sure if we were the most ingenious ideas but it turned out to be okay (we didn’t win the competition though). 

Some more information sessions followed. Orientation day ended around 2 pm, Oliver and I decided to try to get the so called ‘TUI’ card (student card), but first of all we went to the wrong building to get it, after that we didn’t find the good one, and found out that they take siesta very seriously so it only opens at 4 pm again (nope, it opened at 3 pm, was open till 5) so we decided to go back again later. Went grocery shopping with Oliver, bought some unbelievably green banana (that turned out to be truly inedible), and some other things. We agreed on trying to get the student card later that afternoon, what we managed to accomplish. I found it pretty interesting that while in Hungary it takes a whole month to get my student card, including going into offices filling tons of papers etc, here they asked for my ID, put the number into a tablet, took a picture of me in front of a canvas and that was it. I had to wait about 3 minutes to get my student card. Convinient isn’t it?! We went for a walk in the city center since Oliver had to buy some sheets and I had nothing better to do anyway. We found the shop where he had to buy stuff, but we also saw a Decathlon on the way so we agreed on checking it out later since we’re both huge fans of everything they have there. This is the part where you have to tell me how strong I am, cause I did not buy anything! 

Some fun facts about the ‘TUI’ card, it works as a prepaid credit card, I can put money on it and if I hold it in front of the scanner on the bus it works as a bus ticket (it seems like they’re not familiar with the term ‘monthly student bus pass’ around here, I get discount for single tickets on the bus and that’s all. Shitty..), or I can pay with it at the cafeteria. This all sounds great but as it turned out the card is only valid from today 9/11 (today) and I could not use it on monday so I had to buy a normal ticket.

On monday evening the owner of the flat came to sign some contracts and get the monthly fee, and explain some things. She also brought her dad (I think, not sure) they explained a few things asked if everything is working correctly. All in spanish of course. I don’t know when was the last time I felt so uncivilized. Martin (the french flatmate) was kind enough to translate most things so it all turned out okay. After that we had a nice talk with him and the other flatmate called Yun (yes, she’s asian). They seem really nice, we are gonna have dinner together at some point where everybody will cook something traditional from their country. Good idea, (I came up with it, lol), the only problem is that Yun said chinese food is really hard to make (so she might make spanish then), Martin is not really a chef as he put it, and I pretty much hate everything that’s traditional hungarian food. Whatever, we’ll figure it out, important thing is that they’re up for it. Martin has been trying to get me into going to parties with him, ever since we started talking, he’s so presistent I’ll might go. Okay probably not, but I agreed that I like to have a few drinks and just talk so we might do that at some point, can’t wait, he seems like a cool dude!

The thing is today and also yesterday I did basically nothing (that worth mentioning), besides riding my bike and getting up late , exploring new trails each time. Oh yeah, the reason for this is that classes only start on september 23rd. Until then, I don’t really have much to do besides sightseeing, riding my bike, socializing (being very careful that, you never know..). I actually started working on my master thesis today, I’m kinda proud of myself. Ending this on a high note, tomorrow I might do a bigger ride to a cool trail not so far from Granada and a walking tour in the jewish district of Granada. We’ll see. Life’s good, apart from feeling a bit lonely sometimes I’ve been enjoying my time here. Downloaded Duolingo yesterday, have to boost them non existing spanish skills a bit (Martin said he’s willing to help, which I’m grateful for). For real, I’m done for the day, may upload some pictures too.

That’s all folks!