#was feeling a little bad today (cause life stuff with me and Demy) so i drew a me to feel better! :)

[dead-inside-demiboy]

:>

[clvmtines]

welcome aboard, clementine martinez, student #2. we are excited to set sail with you !  has anyone told you that you look like alexa demie? according to our records, you hail from florida, usa, prefer she / her pronouns, are a cis woman, and are here to study creative writing. we also see you received a spot on the ss university because of your online lottery win — we won’t tell anyone. during your first few weeks here, other students said you were + charming, + free-spirited, but also - restive. it sounds like you spend most of your time at the billiards room. upon checking your luggage, we noticed you packed a casino chip carried around for luck from home. hopefully your roommates don’t steal it!

hi friends! i’m very excited to be here. i’m jay (est, she/her) n i used to play astrid nyland a few months ago if anyone remembers bt i had to leave for personal reasons. i’m so glad to be back now that i hve life sorted and some free time for summer break <3 read on for some details abt this new muse of mine, clementine. 

01. biography !

so ! clementine was born in florida. & yes, her real name is clementine. her mom thot it was the cutest name idea ever. clementine mostly goes by clem. she comes from the town [redacted] in florida bcoz i am too lazy to look up a specific town <3 but alas ! it was swampy and humid and she lived in a trailer park. 

her parents got knocked up at nineteen. clem was born nine months after a particularly wild 1999 fourth of july. her birthday is march 26th and she’s an aries. 

(TW: addiction, child injury) clem’s dad was a gambling addict and petty criminal—he wld steal credit cards n whatnot. he wld gamble away diaper money n it would cause constant fighting until her dad finally left. her mom took this very hard n began drinking a bit too often, leaving clem to to make cereal for dinner n fend for herself. once clem tried to make hot dogs on the stove and spilled boiling water on herself. got a p bad burn on her arm/shoulder and still has a big scar.

the soundtrack of her childhood was cicadas buzzing and stray dogs barking. the sizzle and pop of natty light cans. turning up her ipod to max volume to drown out the sounds of her mother fighting with her new boyfriend.

throughout her upbringing, clem’s dad was always in and out of the picture. he’d blow into town when he hit it big. he’d take her on these little “adventures” like staying in a motel 6 n renting movies at block buster n ordering good pizza nt the dominos shit she ate with her mom lol. ofc he was charging it all to someone’s stolen credit card. he’d always promise to, like, take clem away. n clem was a daddy’s girl so she believed him. the last time it happened was her h.s. graduation. her mom didn’t show ( "overslept” after a bender ) but her dad did and surprised her n said everything wld be different. bt then he bailed on their plans for the next day n when she called his cell, the number was disconnected. tht was the defining “i’m done” moment. clem promised to never be disappointed by her father again.

(TW: racism) her mother has mexican ancestry and clem’s always been called her twin. but clem was raised in a predominately white area and honestly ?? it was really hard without her even realizing it. she’s still unpacking a lot of things today abt her youth that jst weren’t okay bt she thought were normal. like microaggressions, stereotypes, being fetishized by boys in high school. gross shit.

as a kid, clem was rumored to be really poor bc she wore tattered clothes n got free lunch at school. once she invited a friend to her house & the next day they told everyone it’s in a trailer park. that reputation—the “trailer park girl”—was really hard to shake. and clem got almost desperate to shake it. she was endlessly trying to set her old self on fire and emerge from the ashes like a phoenix.

eventually clem became more “popular”. in school she was, like, a straight b student. very average although super creative and quick-thinking. she always had street smarts. problem solving skills. independence. more of, like, practical intelligence as opposed to book smarts because academia bores her tbh. she was like why am i reading these overrated boring books by dead white men or learning abt polynomials when i know nothing abt how to pay a mortage or do taxes. like...she saw the american education system as bullshit and put in modest effort because she didn’t believe it deserved her sweat and tears. 

however, she entered the online lottery for the seas program on a whim and got in. so she’s studying creative writing now.

02. personality !

first thing you shld know abt clem is that she’s a compulsive liar essentially—she tells various stories to make her life seem better than what it was. to one person, she’s an heiress to a real estate company and grew up wealthy. to the next she was raised by nomadic hippies. some of her lies are small fibs while others are grandiose tales. she rarely talks about her actual upbringing. she hates talking abt her family or the v real trauma of growing up in a household where both parents struggled w/ addiction; the uncertainty, the broken promises, the fact that she had to grow up so soon and deal w/ so much. it wasn’t fair, and if she thinks about it too much, she feels this anger. anger at the universe. anger at her circumstances. she doesn’t know where to put this anger. she doesn’t know how to shrink it. so she avoids it.

despite her rough upbringing, though, clem is actually really sweet and kind. she’s adventurous, fun-loving, free-spirited, and bold. 

bt ! she can also be closed-off, competitive and restive. 

she’s seemingly tight with everyone? like she’s jst that girl who can get along with anyone tbh. 

in her spare time you can catch her tanning by the pool, hanging at the bar, playing pool ( which she learned from her dad ), and socializing. she’ll never say no to hanging out with people. 

she learned a lot from her little “adventures” with her dad, who was very good at conning others and often involved her in his dumb little scams. clem is suuuper good at pulling the ‘im baby 🥺’ card to get what she wants.

she can be a little selfish, because she grew up looking out for herself. 

stubborn and dogmatic as hell !!!

she doesn’t do too many relationships but when she does fall, i imagine she falls hard and fast. she refuses to be made a fool of, tho. when she gets vulnerable she flashes back to being a kid, waiting all day for her dad to show up only to have him bail on her. again. she hates that feeling. so if she, like, senses a shift in someone’s energy she’ll b like, “i’ll break up with u before u can do it to me” and the person wasn’t even tryna dump her lmao.

has a lot of sex. too much ?? sex?? mayb. but she’s v sex positive.

her personal style is v late 90s. hair clips, big scrunchies, neon, fur trim, crop and tube tops, hoop earrings, chokers, patterns, platform shoes, biodegradable glitter cuz it’s good fr the earth *winks*. clothes from o-mighty.......actually jst google o mighty, pull up the images and That is clem. she dresses like a bratz doll. she’s dedicated to the aesthetic.

03. headcanons !

her item brought from home is a hot pink poker chip from a casino. her dad gave it to her. he said it reminded him of her because of the color; he got it during one of his winning streaks and said it was lucky. she has a complicated relationship w/ her dad n doesn’t even speak to him anymore, bt she will never go anywhere without it.

she’s a smol bean—only 5′4

an astrology girl and she reads palms ! she absolutely makes astrology tik toks that people only watch because she’s hot. her flirting technique is to ask you to read your palm.

she doesn’t typically drink to get drunk. but she does love a good sugary cocktail. to her, a drink is like an accessory. a blue fishbowl by the pool, a jack and coke as she stands around a bar. usually she'll nurse the same beverage for a while. if you see her wasted it usually means she’s going thru it emotionally lol. the one thing she does do is drugs tho 

pretty much listens to exclusively female artists.

a bit of an activist. environmentalism, feminism and the like, she’s v outspoken. vegan for ethical reasons (TW: drugs) bt still does cocaine. she wears shirts with ‘my pussy my choice’ bedazzled on the front.

loves to rollerblade ! back home she didn’t have a car so she’d bike or rollerblade. now she still has her blades and she’ll use them when the ship docks. 

03. wanted connections !

Friends, bffs, ride or dies, friends who are like siblings to her, maybe a friend with an unrequited crush on either side ??

an ex she dumped/cheated on/otherwise self sabotaged their relationship because she was afraid of vulnerability.

an ex friend who realized she lies a lot abt herself n felt betrayed. OH ! ESP if they opened up to her on many occasions abt intimate, personal stuff. imagine the betrayal they felt when they found that everything they thought they knew abt clem is a lie.

someone who she actually opens up to. a confidant. or, maybe, like, a stranger she drunkenly spilled her soul to and now she avoids them like the plague.

a rival. clem can be competitive.

her drug dealer 

someone she knows she shouldn’t hook up with and… does it anyways. like a friend’s ex or smthing. spicy <3

i welcome anything !

[lovemesomesurveys]

● Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced. A lot of time wasted.  “I wasted my time...”   ● What 5 websites do you visit often, and why? Tumblr, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.  ● Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it. Some would consider knickknacks and collectibles and stuff useless, and I mean yeah they just sit on a shelf, but I like stuff like that.  ● What music album would be used for a movie about your life? I don’t know. ● List your bad habits and/or addictions and what you have tried to rid yourself of them. I got a lot of bad habits. As for addictions, caffeine and my pain medicine. I don’t abuse it, I take it as prescribed, but after so long your body develops a dependency. I remember several years ago I tried to cut out caffeine. It lasted a couple days, I think. haha. The headaches are no joke.

● If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and what would you do if later on you changed your mind? There’s a long list of things I’d want to change, but I mean if I could have good health (mentally and physically) that would make a big difference. I think some other changes would follow. I can’t imagine I’d ever change my mind about that. ● What are your religious beliefs? Have they changed, or have they always stayed the same? I’m a Christian now. Up until 4 years ago I was atheist and then agnostic.  ● When was your last food craving, and what did you crave? I’ve been wanting Doritos tacos from Taco Bell lately. ● Who was your first crush and what made them special? This kid named Philip when I was in 3rd grade. He was a grade or two above me. He and I were turning the jump rope for people during this event my elementary school had every year called, Jump Rope for Heart. It was to get people active and raise awareness. Anyway, he was across from me holding the other end of the rope and I just thought he was cute haha.  ● Name your most cherished childhood memory. I have a lot of those. I loved my childhood. It wasn’t without struggle or obstacles, but for some reason those things aren’t what stand out the most. I was a strong, resilient kid. Kid me would be so ashamed of how weak I am now. ● Turn to an entry in your journal or diary from a year or more ago. What has changed and what has stayed the same since then? I don’t feel like looking back on old surveys right now. ● What is one thing nobody knows about you because nobody ever cared to ask? Hmm. ● Robert Frost write a poem titled The Road Not Taken. Name a road you’ve always wanted to travel. Where do you hope it takes you, and what might you see on the way? Wait, literally or metaphorically? I mean, metaphorically I’d like to take the road that takes me to working on myself and leading to some happiness and success. That’d be nice.  ● Name one thing you always wanted to do, but haven’t. What has prevented you from doing it? Uhh there’s a lot of things. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time in my life each passing year. I’m just wasting away. I want to just...live. Travel more. Do something with my life. My physical health has been a contributing factor, but ultimately it’s me. It’s my mental health. That affects me more than anything else. ● Write about your first kiss. Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be? It happened behind the drama department at my high school. It unexpected and awkward, but it was my first kiss so it was all I knew. I was so giddy about having had my first kiss it didn’t matter haha. ● What was the worst mistake or decision you have ever made in life? What could you have done differently? Oh jeez. I have a lot of regrets. One that weighs heavily on me in recent years relates to my health. I’m very stubborn. I should have taken better care of myself. I should have neglected certain things. Some things don’t just go away, they get worse. And here I am, still not taking care of myself like I should be. Each passing year... ● What song was stuck in your head recently, and what were you doing at the time that made you think of it? I Love Me by Demi Lovato. I just really like the song.

● Write about something you now know that you wish you knew earlier in life. How could this knowledge have helped you? Just going back to the big thing that’s been weighing heavily on my mind these past few years that I talked about up there. ● Write about your greatest fear. Death, losing loved ones, never getting better/getting worse, and never doing anything with my life. ● Name one thing you feel brings out the good in people. Hmm. ● Describe a time in your life when everything turned out fine, despite the odds. I mean, there have been some times where things turned out to be not as bad as I thought they would be.  ● If you invented a device that could fix one problem you are facing right now, would you use it? What problem would you like to solve? I’ve talked about it enough.  ● Write about the last time you spoke to your best friend. What did you talk about? Last night when my mom got home from work. She was just telling me about stuff that happened at work and the latest Coronavirus news. It’s a wild time right now. All the cancellations of events, school campuses closing, and empty shelfs because people are stockpiling on hand sanitizer, face masks, and toilet paper. Italy is quarantined. I’ve never witnessed anything like this. ● Describe a time you felt alone. I feel that way a lot. I don’t spend a lot of time physically alone, but I still feel alone a lot. ● Name something you found; what was it and where did you find it? Uhh earlier I found a new ASMR channel on YouTube to watch haha. ● What’s on your calendar for tomorrow? I have a doctor appointment.  ● What is the most annoying sound you have ever heard? Eating sounds make my skin crawl.  ● Describe your first job. I’ve never had one.  ● What is the one thing you cannot live without? Besides oxygen, food, and water; my family. And coffee. That doesn’t get lumped into food or water, coffee gets its own honorable mention.  ● Quote the nicest thing anyone has ever said about you. Lane said I was strong, beautiful, brave, and rocked red hair like nobody’s business. :D ● Are you afraid of the dark? Why or why not? I can’t sleep if it’s completely dark or quiet, which is why I sleep with the TV on. I’d be scared if the electricity went out and it was dark if I was home alone. I wouldn’t go anywhere alone at night. Even with with someone I’m heightened alert. ● Describe the longest amount of time you have ever been away from home. A week. ● Write about a recent adventure or travels. I went to Disneyland for a few days last month. It was awesome. ● Who did you idolize growing up? My mom and grandma. And some celebrities at the time that were around my age like Hilary Duff. ● Name a celebrity or famous person you wish would take you out on a date. Alexander Skarsgard. ● Describe your daily routine when you get out of bed in the morning. Take my medicine, use the restroom, have coffee.  ● Name one thing you have always been good at doing. Jumping to the worst case scenarios. ● What is your favorite season, and why? Fall and winter. I love the weather, the clothes, the scents, the holidays, and just the coziness of it all. ● What was the title of the last book you read? I’m currently reading, “The Girl That Vanished” by A.J. Rivers. It’s the sequel to, “The Girl in Cabin 13.” ● List your biggest regrets. I talked about one of them already. That’s enough for today. ● Have you ever seen a ghost? No. ● Describe your note-taking style and habits. Bullet points, underlining, asterisks, and highlighting.  ● Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? Yes. You have to figure that out for yourself, we all have a different purpose. I’m still trying to figure mine out. ● What comes to mind when someone uses the phrase prolonging the magic? I’ve never heard that phrase. ● Have you ever done something just to feel the danger, or to feel alive? Drinking, smoking weed, and taking a ride in a truck at night on a backroad at night near a levee. That was scary, but definitely an adrenaline rush.  ● What is your favorite cliché? Actions speak louder than words. ● What are all your thoughts on god? I believe in God.  ● How do rainy days make you feel? I love rainy days. I do the same things I do any other day, but it’s just cozy. The sound is relaxing. ● What is the most amount of money you have had at one time? A couple grand. ● Write a celebrity crush list. Alexander Skarsgard. ● What is the most amazing thing you have ever seen, heard, or experienced? I couldn’t pick just one thing. ● What effect does music have on you? It can perk me up, it can give me a little energy if I need to clean, it can make me sad, it can make me zone out, it can make me relax.  ● What did you learn today? What did you learn yesterday? Uhhh. ● What 5 traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time? I’m sure the very first thing they notice is I’m in a wheelchair. Then probably how thin I am. Then perhaps my hair and my black rimmed glasses. Maybe my freckles. ● Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? No. ● Does Never Never Land really exist? No, sadly.  “Cause Neverland is home, to lost boys like me...” ● Where is a great place to get breakfast? This local place that’s known more for their burgers, fries, and shakes, but actually have bomb breakfast, too. I love their country gravy. ● List 3 things that went right (or wrong) today. It’s only 2 in the morning, but so far I had ramen, I’m finishing up my Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink, and I’m watching/listening to an ASMR video. Not a bad start, but we’ll see how the rest of the day goes... I have a doctor appointment later that I’m not looking forward to. Afterwards my mom and I are going grocery shopping and I’ll probably pick up Wingstop on the way home. It’s been hot lately and I’ve had a nagging headache the past couple days, so I hope that isn’t the case today. ● What is the best method of travel, and in what ways have you traveled? Car and plane.  ● If you could give the world just one thing, what would it be? Peace. ● What were your best and worst subjects in school or college? English throughout school, with the addition of psychology in college. My worst was always math. I struggled with science, too. Philosophy was really fucking hard. ● Describe the most outrageous thing anyone has dared you to do. I haven't really been dared to do anything too outrageous.  ● Ice cream: chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry? Strawberry, but vanilla is good as well.  ● What historical events happened the year you were born? Ted Bundy was electrocuted.  ● Pick up a random object that has special meaning to you and describe it in as much detail as possible. I’m on my bed and there’s 2 giraffe stuffed animals, one is a big squishy one. I love all my giraffe stuffed animals, which there are a LOT of. ● Write about a recent visit to a museum or art gallery. I visited a Walt Disney museum a couple years ago. It was really cool. ● What food items do you consider staples in a well-balanced diet? I’m the wrong person to ask about well balanced diets. Well balanced for me is Wingstop, ramen, this pizza from my favorite local pizza place, scrambled eggs, and coffee. haha. ● Describe your feelings in regards to an issue in todays society, and what would be done to fix it. I talked about the coronavirus, which is a big issue and hot topic currently, and my feelings to it already. ● If you had only one wish, what would you wish for? Cures for all diseases. ● If you could tell the world just one thing, what would you say? Wash your hands!  ● Share a dirty little secret about yourself (or someone else). Nah. ● Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Noooo. ● Name something you would like to devote more time to seeing or doing. I need to devote time to taking care of myself and taking some necessary steps. ● What is the name of your favorite book, magazine, or publication? I have too many favorite books. ● Describe your first car. I’ve never had my own car. I don’t drive. ● Thunderstorms… Inspiring or scary? I love them.

[analogical-trash]

bully can be so mean

prompt: Logan is being repeatedly forced to do a bully’s work and Virgil takes care of it

word count:  2202

@logince @analogically-prinxiety @samthekoalabear98 @whatevermate1234@valeriebevill1999

I finally have internet so I can post this here on tumblr without having to worry about the text limit

Logan sat at his desk. He was currently working on a paper. Well two papers.  One was his science homework and one well it was Damian’s science homework.  He looked over his it was done. Now all he had to do was finished Damian’s.  Now you would think that all he had to do was transfer the answers over but noooooo. Damian had cleanly said he wanted an 85% so Logan had to make just the right amount of mistakes in order to get that 85%. But of course they had to be believable mistakes oh no he couldn’t have Damian look bad. Logan sighed. It pained him to make simple errors on homework even if it wasn’t his homework it still hurt. Soon enough he was finished. He turn off his desk lamp and got ready for bed.  It was 12 am.  Which means he won’t get his full 6 hours of sleep.  But that what happened when you had to do twice the amount of homework.  He crawled in bed and fell asleep.  

The next day Logan walked into school feeling half dead. That was in till someone pushed him into the lockers.

“Nerd do you have my homework?” It was none other then Damian. Logan took off his backpack and pulled out a folder and handed it to Damian. “Good oh and nerd”

Logan looked up to see a fist coming straight for his face. Logan fell to the ground.

“My English paper got me an 84% try harder next time” with that Damian walked off.

Logan was about to get up when someone offer a hand to him.  It was the cute emo boy from finance class. Logan took the hand and pulled himself up.

“You okay” the boy who if Logan remembered correctly was named Virgil asked.

“yeah i’ll be fine” Logan looked down at the ground.  To his surprise Virgil grab his face and lifted it up and looked into his eyes.  Logan face turned red and his mouth when dry.  

“Um…”

“Oh yeah that going to broozed up nicely” Virgil said. Logan sighed. The last thing he needed was to try and explain to his mom why he had a black eye. “Come on let’s get you some ice”  

They walked to the nurses office roll Logan explains but he fell and wanted some ice for his arm.  During the whole thing Virgil didn’t say a thing. But he did rise an eyebrow at Logan.  Once they lifted Logan movef the ice from his arm to his eye.

“So why didn’t you tell the nurse the truth?” Virgil asked.

“Cause that just makes everything messy.  People start asking why Damian a straight b student would punched me the boy who disrupt the class even though he is correcting the teacher. But a disrupting none the less. They probably think I was harassing him.”

“But your the reason he gots such good grades. Why don’t you tell them that. Or better yet just stop doing the work for him” Virgil asked.

“Be cause then I get punched” Logan said Virgil was about to say something then the bell ring.  

“Shot my class is on the other side of campus.  I have to go. If I’m late mr. Smith will killed me” with that Logan ran off.  Trying to get to classes in time.  He just bearly made it.  Mr. Smith wasn’t to hepply with Logan running into the classes room.  Bit Logan didn’t really care at the moment.  He made it.  That all that matter.  So Logan took his seat and after a few deep breaths he pulled out his notebook and classes started.  He forgot about most of his problems till it was time for finance. He sat down in his sit. And when to pulled out his stuff.

“Alright class. Since there been a lot of talking this week we are going to have to start having assigned seats.  Everyone grab your stuff.  And stand in the back of the classroom” Logan sighed. He hated assigned seats he almost never got to be up at the front.  Mr Thomas’s room was set up differently then most classroom.  For starters they had computers.  Big Dell ones. So they had two long tables with the computers side by side and back to back. Logan got placed in the for right corner of the classroom. And Logan just had the best of luck didn’t he cause Virgil got place right across from him.

“Hey nerd looks like we be seeing a lot more of each other from now on”

Logan didn’t know how to reply but luckily he didn’t have to. Mr Thomas started talking about this new program that they school had got something about a fake life simulator where you got a job and had to pay bills and everything. But Logan couldn’t pay attention cause Virgil was flicking little pieces of paper at Logan. Logan try to ignore him but couldn’t.

“What?!?” Logan whispered.

“Hey so we won’t done talking about what your going to do about Damian”

“Um actually yes we are in going to keep doing his homework and your going to mind your own business”

“Um actually no I’m not”

“Actually yes you are”

“Nope”

“Wh-” people started getting up and paring up. Logan stood up looking around. Before he could asked what was going on Virgil grab his arm and Mr Thomas walked over to them.  Mr Sanders and Mr crofters I’m glad to see you two aren’t the last ones to find a partner. Good job getting off of your shell Logan. Have you to picked a name yet.

“Um yes it is going to be anxious nerd” Virgil said

“Good good.  I’ll put it in you two can start talking about your game plan” Mr Thomas walked away.

“What was that all about?”

“our newest project. We going to be roommates in the new simulator”

“Wait what?!?”

“Yup weren’t you paying attention we going to be roommates and we going to find jobs and everything”

“Actually no I was not paying attention cause somebody was flicking paper at me and trying to talk to me”

“Well don’t worry cause I was paying attention”

“How your were the one flicking paper at me”

“Unlike you I have learned how multitask” Virgil said.  He sat down at his computer Logan pulled up his chair next to him. Virgil pulled up this new program that was apparently connected to a bank. Or something Logan didn’t understand.  They opened the file called anxious nerd and this little avatar maker popped up.  Virgil quickly made his little guy look like him and handed the mouse over to Logan who did the same. “Alright let’s start by finding an apartment”

They choose a small one by the bus system that way they would need a car. Next they had to pick out what to put in there apartment.

“Alright let get one big bed it be cheaper then two small beds”

“Wait no we can’t share a bed” Logan could feel his face getting warm.

“Why not the goal here is to not spend some much money”

“Cause we just roommates we can’t be sleeping in the same bed”

“It a simulator like it matters”

“I guess” Logan still couldn’t get the blush off his face. Virgil looked at him.

“You know your cute when your blush”

Well fuck that didn’t help he could feel himself blushing more.  He hides his face in his hands.

Virgil smiled and continued with the simulator. They soon found jobs Logan got one in a office as a receptionist. Virgil got one in a coffee shop. Soon they bell ring and they logged off. It was lunchtime Logan started walking to his normal spot but Virgil grab his arm. And pulled him in a different direction.

“What are you doing?” Logan asked.

“Your not sitting alone today we going to sit at my table” Virgil said.

“But I like sitting alone”

“No one likes sitting alone”

“I do”

“No you don't”

Logan gave up. They soon walked over to a table where two boys were sitting.  Virgil sat Logan down before sitting down himself.

“Oooooo Virgil who your bring”

“Hey he cute” Logan could feel his blush coming back

“Hands off Roman” Virgil said.

“Your no fun” the boy named Roman said.

“Um I’m Logan”

“Wait the Logan” the other boy asked Virgil just nodded “well it nice to meet you Logan. I’m Patton”

“And I’m gay” Virgil kicked him. “I mean I’m Roman. But what I said it still true. So tell us about yourself Logan what your favorite food? Do you like the theater? What your sexuality? What do you think of Virgil? What your favorite class?”

Logan swallowed. “Well pizza, not really, bi, I’m not sure anymore, and finance”

Roman wiggled his eyebrows.

Patton smiled. “Your fit right in then.  Roman here gay as you know I’m ace and Virgil here is demi.”

They sat there and talk about random stuff Roman occasionally tries to flirt and Virgil kicks him.

Soon the day is over and Logan goes home he finds a note on the refrigerator saying that his mom will be working late tonight. Logan is partly glad. It means that he doesn’t have to explain his black eye to his mom.  He goes to him room and starts working on his and Damian homework.

The next morning. Logan walked into school. His black eye was making it hard for him to see on his right side making it hard for him to see Virgil until he right right on top of him.  

“Hey nerd”

“What you doing Virgil?”

“Nothing”

“I highly doubt that”

“Your right but you have nothing to worry about”

Just then Damian come

“Hey nerd hey punk what you two losers doing?”

“Well for starts Logan not doing your homework any more”

“Oh is he now. Well he knows what happens when he doesn’t do what I say”

“Oh yeah and what that dee?”

“You have no right to call me that virgil. We aren’t friends anymore”

“Your right dee. But I do remember all the secrets that you use to tell me. And you don’t want me spilling about the time you were at six flags”

“You can’t blackmail me I have just about the same amount of dirt on you”

“Yeah but I got friends who will stick by me. Can you say the same”

There was a pause.

“Find the nerd is free. Just don’t fucking talk to me again” Damian stomped away.

“What just happened?” Logan asked.

“I just got Damian to live you alone for good. Now I don’t want anything except one little thing”

“What” Logan ask suspiciously what did Virgil want him to start doing his homework.

“You have to join me and my friends at lunch from now on” Logan had honestly had fun yesterday at lunch but he wasn’t going to tell Virgil that.

“Fine I guess I can”

“Good now you better get to class before your late” with that Virgil walked off Logan couldn’t understand what had just happened. But he turned around and walked to class. He life was a lot better then it had been for awhile. He started to really enjoy sitting with Virgil and his friends at lunch.  He and Virgil ended up getting first place in the simulator Logan didn’t even know it was a competition. But I guess they had bet the whole school and won a $100 scholarship for college. He also learned Patton and Roman had been partners in and had gone bankrupt in the simulator. Patton had wanted to adopt some dogs and Roman was too gay to say no. He also started to learn that he had developed feelings for Virgil.  Which he did his best to hide that is until one day Virgil cornered him in the hallway.

“Logan you been avoiding me” it wasn’t a question. Virgil stepped close to Logan. And Logan stepped back. This would have continue for while but Logan’s back soon ended up against the lockers. Virgil got really close and Logan couldn’t help but blush. He looked down at Virgil lips then back up. Virgil smiled.

“Stop me if I’m reading this wrong” Logan was about to say everything about this was wrong but soon Virgil lips where on his. And all Logan could think Virgil kissing me!!!!  Logan didn’t have time to kiss back. Virgil started to pull away.

“Sorry I mu-” Virgil started but this time it was Logan to close the distance between them. He put his hands on Virgil hips and pulled him closer. Virgil’s hand somehow made it into Logan hair. Giving it a little pull. Logan pulled back unfortunately needing to breathe. He looked up at Virgil whose eyes were definitely dilated. His face flushed and his breathing heavy. Logan through he look beautiful. He wished he could take a picture to keep forever.

“Wow I’ve wanted to do that for a long time”

“Me too”

“Logan will you be my boyfriend” Virgil asked. Smile down at Logan.

“God yes” Logan couldn’t help but smile back

[grs-the-neighborhood]

@shorty-tori owned this character

Edward “The Changer” Logan

  Age: 15

  Gender: Male

  Sexuality: Demi-sexual

  Birthday (Zodiac): July 15; Cancer

  Species: ½ Metahuman, ¼ Azarathian, ¼ Demon

  Alignment: Vanguard League (formerly)         Position: Tech. Department (formerly)

  Powers/Abilities:

                Martial Arts Training

                Matter Manipulation

                Telekinesis

                Thought projection

  Relatives: Garfield Mark Logan/Beast Boy (Father),Rachel Ross/Raven (mother), Trigon (grandfather), Sarina (half maternal sister)

  Background: (WIP)

                Being the son of Garfield Logan and Raven, two members of the famous “Teen Titans,” he is never able to forget it. Because he is the offspring of two superheroes and has inherited some of his parents’ abilities he is expected to be a superhero as well. Sometimes he feels like that’s the least thing he wants to do, and not because he is a bad person but because most of the time he just wants to relax and enjoy some video gaming and a nice cup of herbal tea. If it wasn’t for a certain “annoying teenage girl”, then he wouldn’t have joined the Vanguard League.         Logan was born to two of the legendary members of the Teen Titans; Logan Garfield and Rachel Roth, aka Beast Boy and Raven. Ever since he was born people always pushed their ideas on him that it was his.

However, his life turn upside down when he transportated in another universe (because his was destroyed and wipe out of existance), where it is the same, except he does not exist.

  Personality:

    He is calm like his mother; and even though his abilities are not the same as hers (for as far as they know), there have been times where his emotions have caused objects in the household to go everywhere when he gets extremely angry. Since then he tries to remain calm as much as possible.

    Though just because he is calm doesn’t make him boring. He likes playing video games like his father, always happy when he gets a new game or beats his high scores. If someone were to ask him he would say he is a gaming pro, and that no one is as good as him—wonder where that ego comes from. Also, he likes to be a mischief maker. He enjoys being sarcastic, tricking people, and pulling playful jokes that “hopefully” don’t cause any internal damage to anyone.

    Because of his calm and slightly emotionless demeanor, people have thought of him as a cold person. And due to this he barely got any friends as he grew up, that is until he joined the Vanguard League and was able to meet other people like him.

                  Appearance: The only thing he inherited from his parents were his father’s ears and his green eyes.  His hair is a mixed color of his mother and father’s hair and is spiky. He is short in size, like his father was when he was his age, about 5’ 2” and has muscular arms and legs (thanks to his martial arts training). He always wears his red hoodie when he is out of his house along with his matching red high-top converse shoes. During any time he likes wearing fingerless gloves--has different colors for different outfits--and he likes wearing the belts like his father used to. Tries to hide a birthmark in the shape of a snake on his upper left thigh.

  Relationships: (WIP)             Edward has a good relationship with both of his parents. Because he is a combination of the two, he has always been in the middle of them when they argue—which isn’t hard to believe is about all the time. Though even though his parents argued a lot during his childhood, he doesn’t think he has that it was awful because he could always tell that his parents loved each other.

                      Cyborg and Beast Boy are best friends, and that continued into adulthood when they became parents. And when two men have children around the same age the one thing they believe would be the "coolest thing in the world" is to have their kids become best friends as well! They were successful, however the two of them can get into arguments at times. Danielle likes to fiddle with his game consoles, phones, and tablets and when she does he usually turns something of hers into a plastic elephant (no real reason for them being elephants, he just does it because it makes her mad).         Even after the original Teen Titans grew up and went on their own roads of being heroes, Cyborg and Beast Boy remained best friends. When they reached the point in their lives when they planned on having kids they                       There are a few people that Edward looks up to, and one of them happens to be Vanguard League's very own Micah Jojo. Being with Micah makes him feel like he is at home relaxing. Just being with someone so chill and relaxed makes him feel the same way. Whenever the two of them play games together the room can turn into a war zone with how competitive the two can be, and one of them ends up extremely butt hurt after they lose but they always make up because it was only just a game.          It isn't a secret that the Vanguard League is made up of a lot of members that are highly energetic

Trivia:

     ·        His favorite color is red, and he hates wearing purple and violet

    ·         Favorite game is game is “Roles of Responsibility” (can someone guess the real game?)

    ·         He likes animals, however has never wanted a pet—his dad can transform into literally any animal and pets are too much work

    ·         His favorite drink is herbal tea with one spoon of sugar and some honey

Quotes:

--

                Walking around the Vanguard League base, not having anything better to do Edward decides to play on his hand console game. Not looking where he was going he accidentally bumped into someone and dropped his game, luckily it didn’t break.

                “Oh sorry, here you go,” a soothing male voice spoke as a boy kneeled and picked up the hand-held video game device. The guy who spoke had brown and blonde hair and was wearing a blue and white varsity jacket.

                As the guy stood up and held out the device Edward immediately knew who he was. Wide eyed he just gawked at the popular video gamer. “Y-y-you’re you’re dr0pTHEmicah,” he took back his game, “man you’re one of my gaming idols! We should totally hang out sometime!”

--

  Edward’s Story: Pick a Side!

                  Today seemed like a good day; his parents hadn’t fought all day, he broke the high score on his favorite video game, and he was finally about to have a drink of nice herbal tea. It was almost perfect…then Danielle had to come in and ruin it for him.

                “Edward, just what are ya doin’?” she yelled as she got in his personal space, “I thought you were going to meet me at my place, so I could take you to check out the Vanguard League!” Even though the force of her screams almost blew him over, he calmly took a sip of his tea.

                Being used to yelling and upset women, Edward knew the best thing to do was to remain calm—especially with this one. “Sorry Danielle, I must have forgot. You know if you want to make plans with me you have to make sure I put it on my calendar,” the older teen just glared at him, “and when did I agree to check out the Vanguard League?”

                “Oh, just shut up and get ready. You know you’re not getting out of this no matter what you do,” she pulled him from the chair he was sitting on and pushed him towards his room. “You have such cool abilities, your parents are superheroes, and you’re a good kid—you need to be in the Vanguard League! They could use a guy like you.”

                Slowly he walked to his room, not wanting to get ready to leave the house. “Come on Danie! Can we please not do this today, I was about to read a book and invite some friends over to play some games!” He sluggishly tried to whine his way out of the situation, but it didn’t matter because one; his voice never moved an octave, and two; Danielle was used to his protesting.

                “What friends?” she snorted and continued pushing.

                “Touché,” was his only response and as they approached his bedroom door he turned the knob and they entered his room. “Do I have to wear anything special, or can I pick out my own clothes?” He opened his closet and looked through his clothes.

                Danielle sat down on his swivel chair for his desk and started to tinker around with his tablet. “Nah, it doesn’t matter, just chose whatever you want. I’m just here to make sure you actually get dressed.”

                Quickly the tablet was pulled out of her hands and onto his bed, “I know you like tech,” he pulled off his shirt and using his telekinesis he moved it to his dirty laundry hamper, “but please reframe from playing with my stuff,” he pulled on his signature red hoodie, “I happen to like my tablet just the way it is.”

                She quietly pouted and spun around in the chair, and when he was done changing she jumped out of it and once again began dragging him, “finally we can leave! I thought you were going to take forever!”

                “If only I could take forever, then I wouldn’t have to deal with this,” he grumbled under his breath.

                Before they could make their way out of the door they are stopped by a black raven. “Just where do you two think you’re going?” a woman’s voice caught their attention; that woman being Raven—yes, THE Raven from the Teen Titans.

                “Hey Auntie Raven, I was just taking little Edward here to check out the Vanguard League! I hope you don’t mind,” Danielle was so excited that she didn’t notice the slight change in Raven’s expression, but Edward did.

                The raven was removed from their way and she gave the two teens a nod, “alright, just don’t get too out of control.”

                Before the older teen could drag him far from the front door he quickly pulled away and crept back and opened the door open ajar. Not far he could hear his parents talking.

                “Hey Rae, what’s wrong?” he heard his father ask.

                For a moment his mother said nothing, then slowly she spoke, “I am just afraid…afraid of the same thing I was when I was pregnant with him. What if he has something evil inside of him like I do? And someone tries to take advantage of him, or use him?” It was rare that he heard his mother worry or become sad, but as she spoke that was all he could hear in her voice.

                Garfield chuckled, “Our son is a lot like his mother—one of the best and good-hearted people in this universe!” Raven laughed, and a sound of a kiss could be heard coming from inside the house.

                Even though he had been hesitant from joining any super powered groups, he knew now what the right decision was to make; after all he was indeed a good-hearted person, even if other people think he’s cold and emotionless.

                 Slowly closing the door and walking back to a confused Danielle Edward could help but smile. “Alright Danie, you win. I’m going to join the Vanguard.”

                Without even questioning his decision she tackled him in a hug, “awh ya man, boo-yah!” 

p> @shorty-tori​ created this character, but @froppy-butterflyfan2000 post it.

[toxoplasmajuice]

Maple Licorice’s Interview

@berriesgonebananas

1. What’s your basic bio info? (Age, gender & pronouns, sexuality?) “Well, I’m 24, a demigirl--or demiwoman? Why do I feel like I never heard no one say demiwoman? Anyways, I use she or they pronouns, and I’m... huh. I can’t decide whether I’m bisexual or pansexual. Keeps changin’ on me.”

2. What are your hobbies and interests? What jobs & education have you had? “I read a lot in my spare time. My thing’s been historical fiction recently, but that changes now and then. I write, too. And sometimes I play video games, or card games, or board games... depends on who’s around and how much time I wanna kill. As for jobs... Ha. Well. You might know me as Mable Lycoris, the child actress who had that big downward spiral... I don’t act no more these days. And I haven’t left Uncle Vernon’s house in years, so no day job after that. I became a playwright, though--heard of Poppy R. Lace? Probably not, but that’s my pen name. Education? On set, I got set tutors, and off set, I was in public school. Until I got expelled from public school and stopped actin’, that is. Uh... does Googling writing tips count as education?”

3. What is/was your relationship with your family like? While you’re talking about them, who makes up your family? “[sighs] Usually when I’m talkin’ about my family, it’s my uncle, his spouse, and my cousins. They’re the closest to an immediate family I got. Mama’s been gone for ten years now, Dad’s never been in my life, and I ain’t got no siblings. But I get along with the family I have. My cousin Genevie’s my best friend, even. She’s more like a sister than a cousin. But I love all of ‘em to bits. If it weren’t for them, I’d be way worse off today. Or dead.”

4. How do you feel about kids? Do you want any, do you get along with them, do you like to spend time with them, etc.? “Well, I don’t get to spend time with any kids... ‘cause there aren’t a lot of ‘em in my life in the first place. Yet, at least. But I mean, I don’t got no reason to not like ‘em, and they’re cute... Do I want any of my own? Aw, geez, I don’t know. Does Mandrake? If so, and if I win, I’ll probably want kids. I just... worry ‘bout whether I’ll be a good mother. Y’know?”

5. What are your career goals? General life goals? “Career goals? Well, I definitely wanna keep writing plays. Maybe even write something a little more renowned than the stuff I been writin’. Maybe I’ll write the next hit musical, even! [laughs] I’ve dipped my toes into other sorts of writing, too--mostly short stories. Haven’t even tried to publish any yet, but I wanna see where that goes. As for life in general... man, I wanna get out more. Bein’ a shut-in for years... it gets old and a little depressing, even when the house you ain’t leavin’ ain’t half bad. I wanna... rejoin society, I guess. And... again, you may or may not already know this--hell, even if you don’t know my movies, you might know this--but I’m a recovering alcoholic. ‘Recovering’ as in I haven’t had a sip in years, and I’d like it to stay that way.”

6. How do you feel about supernaturals? Specifically, how do you feel about werewolves? “Ain’t got no problem with any of ‘em!”

7. If you win, what type of relationship/life are you expecting/hoping to have with Mandrake? “Honestly, I don’t know what to expect. I stuck to one place in the middle of nowhere for years, and leavin’s exciting and scary all at once because I got no idea what’s gonna happen next, whether I win or not. Hope for? Gosh, I got no clue. I’ll tell ya this, my past relationships weren’t too great, so if I win, it won’t take much for Mandrake to be the best partner I ever had. [laughs] I know that, in general, I wanna keep on living a calm life, whether I win this thing or not. I had enough excitement early on.”

8. Is there anything that you would absolutely need your partner to do/have/be? “Again, the bar’s pretty damn low. Just to, I’unno, love me and not let me do stupid shit?”

9. What is your opinion on popstar Dash Sunbeam? “...OHHHH! That’s where I knew the Sunbeam name from! Anyways, I used to listen to him some--one of his songs that’s on the tip of my tongue but I can’t think of the name was used in a movie I was in, way back when, so I started listenin’. Nowadays I listen to mostly obscure dreamy indie stuff, though. Sorry ‘bout that.”

10. Is there anything else you want to include that wasn’t covered? “Hm... nope, think I covered just about everything.”

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

I Can NOT Believe This Youtuber....

okay I’m on the Xbox One, and I was playing a video game.

but then after saving, I decided to take a break.

and check out the Xbox One’s Youtube.

(which I am still wondering if the computer’s Youtube, has that setting where you can hide inappropriate stuff.)

anyway guess what I find...?

Helluva Boss Episode 4, BUT someone a certain Youtuber....

had uploaded it, not a clip, but the FULL episode.

that episode with the other episodes and pilot,

should only be on it’s Home Channel.

that is a property of  Vivziepop.

the Youtuber who did such a thing, has about 226 subscribers.

the time they had uploaded March 23, 2021.

and by the looks of it, they did it to Episode 5 of Helluva Boss too.

on May 1, 2021.

even if I tell them what they are doing is wrong,

and there is somethings you can and can’t do with clips of Youtube Original Series made by it’s creators.

there is a possibility they wont listen.

and their actions, will cause someone to think the original episodes

came from them, if they didn’t check out the link below,

which is lucky in view and isn’t in the hidden where you will have to press “show more” button.

in the description part, in the copy of episode 4,

they tell those who are viewing

they wrote “Made By Viviziepop go sub to him or her“

and in the copy of episode 5,

they wrote "Made By Vivziepop go sub to him" 

Youtube really REALLY needs to do better,

I’m not sure if [REDACTED] knows that there can be bad side effects to that.

I don’t have to worry about Camp Camp, Red Vs Blue, RWBY or Death Battle

too much, yeah they are still on Youtube, but at least they are safe on the official Rooster Teeth Site.

which is here -->  https://roosterteeth.com/

and they should not call her “Him”

so unless that is her gender identity and she goes by the him/he pronouns,

they should either call her she/her or the neutral pronouns that is for everyone.

it’s not just what that person did, which I just found out today.

but EVERY Youtuber, who does the same thing that they are doing,

I don’t even think they even got permission,

which even if they asked, I don’t believe they would of been given the okay to do so.

there is some stuff you can do on Youtube, and some stuff you can’t.

I think if possible, maybe they can be reason with.

yes there is a chance they might say that nothing is wrong with what they are doing, but sorry to say that isn’t so.

like I said, some people will still do false reports and might not bother to read below.

if they end up seeing [REDACTED]’s copy of the episodes on their channel,

without even bothering to read the bottom of where the video came from.

and they end up seeing the episodes from their home channel,

they might do a false report.

and I am NOT letting that happen again to another person.

sure the Undertale amv is still up, but only the sub version

that the person who put the subs on there, but at least they got permission.

I did surprisingly found the original at another place, and I can only hope it was place by the original owner.

maybe nothing will happen for now,

but just in case, I believe that there needs to be a way to stop the many youtubers who keep doing that, and think they are not harming her and every other youtuber.

what some youtubers keep doing, by stealing other youtubers videos,

by placing a copy of the full videos on to their channels,

without permission, it can end up getting others mad.

 at first I was going to write that episode stealing jerk on here,

but I rather not, so I edited the name out and put Redacted instead.

if I’m going to say who they are, then I will say this...

they are just like every youtuber who doesn’t do the fair use,

and just take a full copy of the episodes and then upload them on their channel.

and the one who did it, is from Canada.

 at least not everyone from Canada is like that,

nor is the ones from here and the other places in the world.

I wonder if I might have distant cousins from Canada...?

maybe not but it is still possible I do and don’t know it,

there is a possibility I could have distant cousins from around the world, because of my different ancestors and heritages.

 it isn’t just that youtuber that is the problem,

it’s every youtuber that keeps doing it.

I know there are others who feel the same way, and wish youtubers like them would stop.

yes Youtube still has some problems.

I would suggest Vimeo, but I'm not sure if that is for the best, yeah there does seem to have Helluva Boss episodes on the Vimeo.

but I don’t know if half of the people who had put them on Vimeo,

are part of the team that worked on Helluva Boss.

I wanted to try to check Vimeo, to see if Viv has a channel their,

and maybe see that as a alternative place to watch the episodes.

it doesn’t seem likely, which I guess is fine.

I’m still fine with watching the episodes and even other videos of theirs on youtube.

I’m not sure if I will watch stuff on Vimeo very much.

it kind of sucks that how this day was going so well,

until find another one of Those Youtubers, once again doing that...

and they better not touch the Arackniss Audio Series,

I’m will not be happy if AxelGear becomes another target for those jerks.

maybe I should just try to relax, and hope karma will deal with those jerks.

I think after I check out Xbox One’s Youtube,

I will watch Panty & Stocking, well maybe before that,

I could watch My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic, no wait maybe I will watch a movie first.

maybe Deadpool, yeah I think I will watch Deadpool first.

then later I will watch the Arackniss Audio Series from the beginning.

also now that I know from a confirmation sign (ain’t saying what sign.)

that my soul name is Small Lilith, maybe I can try to see if I can have it changed....even if the name Lilith is a normal name now a days.

it doesn’t really help that my spiritual heritage is both a Earth Angel

and Succubus, and I have to protect myself dream walking, by the use of the dream catcher I got now, which is bigger than dream catchers I had before I think.

of course when I did sleep with dream catchers when I was little,

it was for different reasons.

plus I sleep with gems under my pillow, some which are gems shaped like angels.

I don’t think I use to sleep with bracelets on,

at least not until I had that one dream where I was still sleeping but it was like being awake at the same time, and all I could see was dark,

I was laying on my back, and then I felt something that felt way too real

and as soon as it happen, it scared me awake.

I think it might of been a incubus.

it’s fine that no one believes that or thinks that I’m worrying over nothing

and it was just a scary dream and nothing more.

but no matter if it was just a scary dream and it just felt too real,

I want to play it safe.

if someone like me, were to accidentally dream walk into another person’s dream, it will be because of the sexual energy and it will put me or anyone else like me, into a trance.

which of course if it was like the normal type succubus,

they would be the one doing the placing a trance on the dreamer that they walk into the dream of.

but for the hybrid souls, they will be the ones place in the trance,

the only way to keep anything happening, is to be fully aware and then not get close to the dreamer that you accidentally walked into the dream of,

and then hope you end up back into your own dream.

 at least I know now that the reason why I never truly figured out I was Aceflux,

was because of the sexual energy of others.

I kind of want to flip Matron Lilith and Lesser Lilith, the birdies....

I might not agree with what Adam did to Lilith,

and she would of end up being fully healed thanks to the Earth-Heavenly Mother, if it weren’t for what happen.

of course when the Goddess took a piece of Lilith’s soul,

of course it will have traces of “succubus” in it and possibly along with Lilith’s still human soul, and that soul was mixed with the angel soul that Lilith was having romantic relationship with, and it created a Earth Angel Baby.

my soul isn’t very old, surprisingly it hasn’t done that much reincarnating.

so lucky me I was never the ones who I thought I was in a past life.

I’m just fragmented from their soul.

anyway I have my reasons as to why I can’t help but think of wanting to flip those two Lilith’s off, I mean someone who wouldn’t normally do that,

might end up be doing it because of stuff like what jerk youtubers are doing to other youtubers.

 I will understand that many will agree about well the whole how a human can end up being a mix of a Earth Angel and Succubus.

or that they have energy wings that can go into flame mode when upset,

or the wings hug around them when they are upset or nervous or any form of mad or sad emotion.

I’m still human, even though my species identity is Demi-Human.

yes biologically I’m human, and my bio-sex is female.

but my gender identity is binary & nonbinary, which is a bigender identity.

I think it might be possible that my Gyno-Agender identity,

might become Feminine-Nonbinary, but it might stay Gyno-Agender.

plus it might be stereotyping to assume that Heaven will just look like,

well the sky and clouds.

that can be just one version, the other being that it looks like earth,

with trees, flowers and who knows what else.

I mean not everyone has to agree about my new views about it,

and you can respect my different view, just don’t call it blasphemy.

also I want to make sure there is no misunderstandings,

plus I want to only talk about this kind of stuff, maybe only once in a while.

I also want to make sure there is no really bad misunderstandings

that can go past the limit of being understanding to end up hurting others.

most of the time whenever I do say something,

it gets taken the wrong way in the worse way, and I end up having my feelings hurt to the point of crying.

I want to make sure to be more careful and try to make it so that my words are not misunderstood in the wrong way.

misunderstandings can be okay, so long as they are small and things can still be worked out the right way.

also maybe I will wait to watch the stuff that I said I would watch,

I mean I can pick something else to watch later.

I still need to color that Bendy drawing and then post it here,

I would of did it yesterday but I wasn’t able to.

so I plan to color it today and then post it on here later.

I think it is best that I try to see about trying to get my soul name changed, maybe in a few months or next year.

but I guess for now I just have to put up with it.

I think I will watch Hotel Transylvania, I can’t wait until the Hotel Transylvania 4.

it be nice if I could find my own zing one day,

and well I’m fine right now, plus if I ever do find my own zing one day,

they will need to respect my personal space when I need it,

be nice to my baby, aka my cat.

they would also need to understand that I need to go to my bedroom half the time, to protect myself as it is my safe zone.

also they would need to understand my different view of romance,

that romance between two people who love each other,

don’t always have to be all kissing all the time or the snu-snu.

it can also just have them hanging out and playing video games and watching movies or reading comic books or any type of book really.

I think I should only try to find my “zing” when I feel ready to.

and I don’t think I am.

love takes time, even to a heart that has been broken before.

ya can’t force it.

so I’m fine with having crushes on real people and not doing anything about it,

or even having crushes on characters from shows or movies.

     and well there is a reason why I use “redacted” for the youtuber that stole those episodes...

it might be a bit sensitive, something that concerns and worries me.

maybe I can explain another time about it, like why I had decided to edit out their Youtuber name before posting this up.

I can be sensitive I know, my most dominant expression now

is what you will see on Frisk from the Undertale game.

I do smile and feel happy too, but I rather not smile unless I feel like it.

like if I think of a  really funny joke, which I had the other day.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

I think I will wait until much later or tonight to watch Hotel Transylvania and the other stuff I plan to watch.

I think I will watch Arackniss Episode 1 to the other episodes, I mostly watch them not signed into Youtube.

also I have to say if I had to pick

who I would trust more, either my older cousin (who is in jail now, and is most likely a prison-wife possibly.)

or Valentino and Vox....

I’m gonna go with the two Overlords.

as dangerous as they might be, I don’t think they would cross a very dangerous line that my much older cousin did that got them thrown in jail in the first place.

I’m making sure to pray every once in a while

to both God and Goddess that he stays there for life.

I still think it is possible if I was listen to, about what I remembered from my childhood, which might of been a warning dream,

and if it was then I need to try to find out which Angel gave me that warning dream, and make sure they do NOT do that kind of warning dream again,

if they are gonna do that, make sure just say it and not let it be a kiss that ends up traumatizing and causing bad feelings where the child doesn’t talk about it to their family.

it is possible when we get traumatize as children,

we will bury the memories deep in our minds

and we wont remember until years later.

my older cousin wasn’t even in jail yet or did the crime yet,

my trying to tell my concern about them, came first.

and then some time later when we no longer had to worry about him,

we find out he did something really bad.

I don’t think it was a coincidence.

I don’t even think I was truly safe with half of my family.

maybe some of them, but not all of them.

I was just too oblivious and too trusting.

I’m gonna write one more thing up, so I will just post this up first...

and I hope that that youtuber that I had just found out about today,

who is stealing Vivziepop’s stuff, gets stop for good, and others like them.

and if I feel like explaining why I decided to put their name in Redacted, I will.

but right now I can’t.

and I’m sure if there has been anyone who has been hurt past the breaking point before, they might do the same thing as me and try to be cautious.     

[larauthorized]

Coffee Shop

Pink, cotton-candy kind of like illuminated the horizon, such a pretty view to wake up to and definitely a sight to gaze at especially when you weren't exactly wishing to be in a place like this. The girl sipped on her coffee as she looked over the view.

There she sat on the library's steps, her purse rested next to her, just a step down. From everyone's perspective, mostly the sea made out of college students walking from and to campus, might get the wrong idea thinking that the girl was indeed a loner. Perhaps, she was, but not at the moment though. She was holding her phone in her grip, typing quickly to someone whom she was going to meet up later. Long story short, she met a guy a while ago as she was on her way to return some books at the library - the same guy who offered her to work at the campus' library but somehow never worked out. Guess fate really worked in the funniest way. They exchanged numbers at the time and had been talking each time they could. That day, they were supposed to have that coffee in which she promised a few days prior. Lucky for her, she had the day off at the coffee shop. Her stomach was tied in knots and not for the reasons that were solely obvious but mostly because she had never asked a guy for coffee before. Despite they were only meeting for coffee and the fact that she had no intention in going further, but still.

Tall, skinny guy in an unironed striped white shirt along with only one of the backpack straps hung on the shoulder, approaching her.

"You're late, by the way," She stood up, didn't even walk down the steps to match his level. Her expression was stern, she made sure of that.

"Sorry, there was traffic. So, shall we go now?" The guy asked.

And without another reply out of her mouth, she only nodded then walked side by side with the guy towards the coffee shop.

☕

By the time they arrived at the coffee shop, vehicles after vehicles later on the busiest hour of the day, she went up the stairs towards the cashier to order. Just another one of her luck sliding through, the person working a shift that day was her kind of enjoyable coworker. There was proof that confirmed and basically became the reason why she thought so. Demi Lovato was playing in the background the moment she stepped in- she really craved for that kind of music lately.

"You working today?" She started a conversation with Jay, obviously after whispering something to the guy she came with in the first place telling him to get them both a table seeing as it was crowded at the moment. It was actually a polite way to tell the guy that she wanted to talk to Jay alone.

Jay didn't wear glasses that day, but she never mentioned it. "Yeah. Are you on a date?" He asked, his eyes directed at the guy who was with her earlier and she turned around finding that he already found a table in the corner, outdoor.

She turned back to face Jay while shaking her head. "It's not a date. Just casual meetup between a girl and a boy sharing no attachment whatsoever with each other." She explained.

Attachment was for people who couldn't handle being alone and she definitely wasn't one of those people. Obviously there was a moment where she craved for that kind of commitment, like in the middle of the night when she really needed someone to cuddle and felt really lonely, but then she thought about the things she had yet to do before committing to someone. After all, you needed to be you before being someone else, right?

"Sure, whatever you say," Jay laughed a little, pausing, then finally taking her order. "So, what do you want to order today?" He continued.

She thought long and hard with her brows furrowed. "Iced coffee with vanilla and original iced coffee, please," Jay was tapping on the cashier's tab, her eyes gazed at the cookies and muffin resting in front of her. "Wait, since when do we sell these?" She pointed towards the boxes of pastry.

"Just delivered today. Do you want one?" Jay offered.

"About time! They finally caught up to the competition," She commented, taking one cookie out of the box.

"Okay, coming right up." Jay declared, before dazing away from her to make the orders as she left the register to go to the guy while waiting for her name to be called out alerting that her order was up.

☕

"So... How come have you never invited me to your graduation?" She began to ask, sipping on her coffee totally careless about the withdrawals that usually caused anxiety to run in her system.

"Well, how come have you never showed up to the library anymore? Right after the letter of recommendation, to be exact." Lucas fired back.

"I told you why! I never got the call," She defended herself, her expression was slightly hurt. "Anyway... How's life?" She changed the subject at hand, arguing wasn't exactly what she wanted at the moment. Her hand wrapped off the cookie and started taking a bite. It was fairly sized; too sweet for her liking but good either way.

"It's been good actually. So how do you like working here?" He asked.

Her expression changed. "Tiring, but it's better adjustment than I thought. Better than thinking it was an escape." She muttered, making sure that it was low enough for him to catch on what she was saying.

Too bad, despite it being so loud in the shop, he still heard it loud and clear that he responded right away. "Why would you think it was an escape?" He asked.

She remained silence for a second. Every time a person seemed to grow interest, especially about her life, she always made sure that she didn't spill too much. In her words, she tended to pull away from that stuff. Having broken pieces of trust that other people left her to fix all by herself, was enough reason for her to not rely on anyone.

"Remember the first time we finally talked even though I had been going to the library more time that I could count?" She began. The first time was when he was behind the computer doing something as she was reading a NewYorker issue in the magazine section. That's pretty much the only reason why she came anyway.

He only nodded, telling her to continue.

"It doesn't matter. After doing something I should've done a while ago... that made me realize this place, isn't much of an escape anymore. That thing was. More like seeing a light at the end of the tunnel." She revealed.

"No, no, tell me. I want to know." He pressed.

She was busy stirring the coffee with straw, looking down. A way to avoid eye contact with someone after revealing a side of her that she never thought would show. Scared, she let out a sigh into the wall in front of her.

"I know it's stupid to dwell over something that happened a year ago.. But I just, can't seem to let it go."

After declaring that fact, she turned around just to make sure that Jay wasn't looking- even though she had no idea why. It's not like she was interested in the guy. And he wasn't, obviously, in fact, he had a lot of orders to make in front of him. She chuckled at the sight.

"What happened?" He questioned.

It took a long moment of pause as she was gathering so much strength and power to reveal part of her past that had been haunting her in the middle of the night since it happened.

"I just... don't want you thinking that I'm overreacting because what I went through, might not be as bizarre as everyone else's." She announced.

He took a sip off of his coffee, before replying. "I won't. I promise." He stated.

☕

Another pause followed right after she was pouring out all her worse nightmares and laying them out in the open. She felt a rush of adrenaline in her - something rare to the point that she felt like catching them with her empty hand and piling them up in a pocket in case she needed them later. It was the kind of rare that got her feeling so emotional yet comforting at the same time - putting her guard down finally and letting one person she never thought of sharing those secrets to, everything.

Well, not everything. Just the crucial parts where she didn't get her head on fire for spilling too much. Or for the more glorifying dramatic sense, she was too ashamed as it was still fresh in her mind. In spite of it being a one-year ancient memory.

She was saying everything so intently. As if she never told it before- well that's actually correct and mostly the reason why she was so far away this whole time. When you're used to keeping everything inside never letting it see the light of day, your entire soul might react the same way as your whole entire body. That's just how it works.

She hadn't dealt with the matter by speaking to anyone just because she was afraid and filled with so much shame. No matter how many times she scrolled through her social media indirectly telling her that there was no shame in seeking for help nor was there a reason for her to be afraid. But the truth was, she wasn't mad at the person who caused her to fill this much rage, but mostly to herself. For letting it happen.

Avoiding everyone and mostly herself, clearly weren't helping her case. She was traumatized and the only thing that kept her going was her job and sometimes the creative bone in her body that allowed her to write without difficulties. But at least she no longer thought of it as an escape - in the world of psychology that she majored in, that was a progress.

"And you've never told anyone about this, like is this the first?" He asked.

She shrugged. "I just can't get myself to." She muttered, stirring the rest of the coffee and taking a big swig even though there was only ice left in the cup.

"And this thing... that happened, cause you to lose the most important thing?" He clarified, trying to make sense of it all.

She nodded. "Pretty much." She sighed.

He paused, refusing to say the wrong thing. "I don't even know what to say," He declared. It was a good thing that music was blaring still throughout the entire cafe. Had it not for that, she wouldn't have the guts to do something so outrageously dangerous - trusting someone wasn't exactly her forte.

"It's fine. I don't expect you to." Was the only thing she could mutter. It's honestly relieving to confess about something that had been holding her back from life. Stopping her from doing what she did best or being her own self even. And to think that all of it happened while she was in a coffee shop, confirmed everything once again. Maybe this place really wasn't much of an escape. It's where people leave their stories.

☕

[sarahunfiltered-blog1]

The People Who Inspire/Motivate Me

Jeffrey - Gah, my brother... I have so much love, trust, respect, and admiration for Jeffrey. Growing up I knew I could always count on him. He’s never given up on me and he is one of my biggest cheerleaders in life. He’s always encouraging me to go after my dreams. I remember one time I was crying in my bed because I had no friends and deeply wanted a best friend and he sat down next to me and prayed with me that I would find my best friend and within less than 2 years I met Michael, my very best friend and now husband. There was also one time couple of years ago I remember him having me sit down and write out a bucket list. I thought he was crazy, but I did it and within a years time or so I crossed off 85% of that list. He took also took it upon himself to sit down and teach me the importance of all things money. He stayed up with me until 3 a.m. one night working out a budget for me. He challenged me time and time again on how important saving money is and I finally listened. I’ll forever be grateful for him stepping up in the areas I didn’t have support from our parents. I wouldn’t be where I am today without him.

Michael -  Michael has been my best friend for 10 years now. He’s been the most consistent non-family member I’ve ever known. We’re 2 completely different people, but we’ve learned over the years to work together really well. He’s really helped me come out of my shell, he helped me realize not all men are assholes and I could trust him, he can bring me from a 12 to a 3 (even though sometimes he’s the reason I go from a 3 to a 12.;) ) He’s taught me to stand up for myself and to not let everyone/anyone walk all over me, he pushes me to do my best always, he believes in me when I don’t, and is always a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on when I need it. Michael doesn’t take everything overly serious or to heart like I do and he’s helped me learn to better gauge what/who I give my time, attention and energy to. Maybe one day I’ll be able to say no like he can, but that’s still a working progress, but I love that he can say no and not think twice about it. One day, though...one day.

Meghann - My sister Meghann is older than me, so growing up it was the standard I was the annoying little sister and she was the mean big sister, lmao. But as we’ve grown up and matured we’ve gotten a lot closer. Meghann inspires me so much in the way she goes about what she eats and feeds her 2 little girls. I can honestly say that she is the reason I stopped eating things like Lean Cuisines and drinking Naked juice cause I thought it was healthy and good for me. She taught me how dairy isn’t the best choice and to try almond milk and how gluten really isn’t the best and why. These tips and tricks made me go out and research everything that much more and any time I have something new to share or talk about we’ll both bounce off each other about the topic. She’s definitely my go-to with finding a healthier alternative or more holistic way of going about eating.

Claire  - Ohhhh, Claire... Claire is one of my younger sisters, but closest to me in age. What I love most about Claire and what inspires me is that no matter WHAT life has thrown at her in her young and all through growing up she overcomes it all and doesn’t let it dim her light. She has more than one reason to be a jaded, closed off person, but she stills remains so loving and caring and keeps on keeping on. Her story so far inspires me to keep on keeping on and she is one of my biggest role models when it comes to not letting fear stand in your way of doing something you love or that you’re passionate about. 

Demi Lovato - Demi and I are the same age and I’ve always followed her journey and have been a fan. I have a cross tatted on my hand in the same spot she does. She didn’t become an inspiration to me until 2ish years ago when she kind of came of the closet and became this unapologetic person. She started writing and singing music that was true to her, she was open and honest about her recovery with her eating disorder and despite her bipolar disorder she works on herself on the daily and doesn’t use it as an excuse. She’s not shameful and her body or sexuality or any part of her being anymore and it just spoke to me so much because it’s something I work on daily. I cut all my hair off a few years ago and she was the inspiration about behind it. I tell all my friend and family that one day her and I WILL be friends and I am going to keep saying that until it happens, lmao. 

Lori Harder - 2 years ago I gave podcasts a go. I remember searching self-help and this pretty smiley blonde with bright red lipstick popped up as a suggestion and I gave it a go. I was blown away at how similar our stories were. It was almost too identical. She grew up and always struggled with her weight as a little girl, came from a super religious family, in a home where money was an ever present issue, suffered from severe anxiety and was home-schooled. I’m sorry, but did someone say Sarah Cannon? Jeez. I was hooked from the first episode. Lori has taught me to never let my fear and anxiety get in the way of what I want to do and I can always count on her to step on my toes in love to get something done or forgive or to work and move past something. You can find Lori at https://www.loriharder.com/

Jordan Younger aka The Balanced Blonde - I discovered Jordan through Lori 2 years ago and have been fascinated by her story of finding balance with her eating disorder. It really spoke to me and inspired me to find more balance in my life, especially with food. I love following her ever evolving story and how she’s into yoga and healthy foods and crystals and deepening her spiritual practice/journey and no matter what she stays true to herself, but isn’t afraid to learn and grow and doesn’t let anyone dictate what she believes in or how she goes about her which is something I’m learning to do on the daily. It’s not always easy, but knowing there is someone else out there sharing it so openly helps me tremendously. You can find Jordan at http://www.thebalancedblonde.com/

Elizabeth Dialto - I discovered Elizabeth through Lori’s podcasts and what I loved most about Elizabeth from that episode was how just REAL she was. She had a laugh that made me laugh and I wanted more. I went month’s without listening to any other podcast outside of her. I believe it was almost 2 years worth of podcasts she had out at that point. This podcast made me so so so unbelievably uncomfortable. Why? Well, I grew up and was conditioned a certain way and was very stuck in it and this podcast was un-conditioning me and I was fighting it. I had never heard about chakras or the moon cycles or meditation and crystals and all things outside of what I learned in church/growing up, so I automatically deemed it “bad” and “of the devil” and “oh my family would NOT approve of this”, but I kept going back and fighting the urge to run away from it because I learned something through all of this. It’s OK to let go of your old belief systems and working through your shit is needed to move on, and you can’t just stuff everything and think it’ll be OK. I have so much respect for this beautiful soul and can’t wait to meet her one day and give her the biggest hug. I use her oracle cards she created every single day and read her Wild Soul Woman pledge as well. Elizabeth is an amazing leader and guide and has given me so many tools to work through my shit and come out an untamed version of me that’s been there all along, but just had to peel back some layers and do some digging. You can find Elizabeth at http://untameyourself.com/

Christine Hassler - I found Christine either through Lori or Elizabeth. One of the two, I’m not 100% sure. When I think Christine I think peace, love, calmness and happiness. She is so loving and bubbly. Through her work I’ve been able to forgive certain family members and friends from past hurts and traumas. For the first few podcast episodes I just cried my eyes out at my desk because of the things her guests would talk about on her live coaching calls. Daddy issues, relationships, work, you name it. I was triggered... but she gave me the tools to work through it and I put all the tools to use and have never felt more free. You can find Christine at https://christinehassler.com/

Almost 30 Podcast Ladies - I recently discovered Krista and Lindsey through Lori’s podcast as well. What I loved most about them at first is that they’re around my age, which at the time I was listening to all these amazing people via podcasts, but they all had 10+ years on me and had it figured out and were living out their passions and had these amazing lives and I am over here listening to a podcast at my 8-5 desk job feeling like the life I am living is so wrong and off course and I needed to be something AMAZING now and making millions of dollars while doing so. So these ladies were a breath of fresh air and I love that they’re eager to learn and grow and take everyone along with them on the ride by learning from all these amazing guests and I’m able to relate SO much. They’re real, raw and hilarious and I’ve learned so much. You can find The Almost 30 ladies at https://www.almost30podcast.com/

Sahara Rose - I discovered Sahara and her work through the Almost 30 Podcast. When she started talking about Ayurveda and how it’s this 5000+ year old health/wellness system and how Pitta meant this and Vata meant that and Kapha and this and the mind, body and spirit are all connected I was HOOKED and just wanted more.  Sahara has really inspired me to live a more ayurvedic lifestyle through book The Idiot’s Guide to Ayurveda. I’ve incorporated dry brushing, self oil massage, tongue scraping, oil pulling, drinking warm water with lemon every morning to optimize my digestion and so many other things. It’s been a game changer for me and I’m forever grateful. You can find Sahara at https://www.iamsahararose.com/

I wouldn’t be where I am today without all of these amazing people and for that I am FOREVER grateful. 

- Sarah xo

[neongenesisimpacts]

I'm really happy I still have this space, because I feel like there are things I can talk about here I can't on my Facebook. That's nice. Also Facebook can be so much™.

What have I been up to? Mostly activism stuff and feeling lonely/sad/exhausted 95% of the time. But there have been good moments.

1. It's an inexplicable feeling, but me and more I've been really happy that I was able to live here. I think the number one thing that really depressed me about living in St. Louis was my level of connection to others. And in a lot of ways, that's still something I have to work on. I still feel like I'm compartmentalizing a lot of my life here? And I don't like that. But there are people who care about me. Who would cry if I was gone. And that's nice? Don't get me wrong, I'm still a lonely loser who literally spends most of their time outside of work in bed. But there are people here who care about me, as little as I believe that about myself. And that gives me hope.

2. I've actually...managed to get close to two people here. One of them is such an awkward nerd and it's adorable. They're really quiet and withdrawn, and somehow those qualities combined with obviouly nerdy tendencies seem to be qualities I'm drawn to in a person. They're trans and cute, and we cuddle sometimes, and once, even went a little further. But it was at that point I realized two things: First being I was lonely and touch-starved to hell and back and that I, as a person who craves human contact, may react strongly after not being touched or held like that for months. And second being because of that longing, I was moving too quickly with a person I was unsure about, and...I couldn't get into it. It was at this point I affirmed my deminess to myself. I wanted to keep kissing her. I wanted her to continue playing with me and me the same to them. But I couldn't do it. The longer I tried, the more i just felt turned off and weird. And I knew then I didn't like them. The tl;Dr is that I didn't feel like what I looked for in partners was there, but it's worth talking about later. We don't talk a lot, but I can count on them to be someone who will spend time with me.

The second person i've gotten close here is their exact opposite. We never have and never will date, and we just simply happen to be friends, but they're the most important friend I have here. They're outwardly passionate and bright, artistic and impressive, and from the first time I saw them speak I felt so in awe by their presence. They would most definitely protest if they read this, but their passion for life causes a rise in me that honestly has inspired me to stand up here. And despite their trials in life, and how much they continue to struggle with today, they can still manage to smile. They can still fight. Their story gives me hope. They noticed me first after I spoke at Kiwi Herring's vigil, and because I'm introverted and silly, I didn't remember them? But slowly and graduatedly, we started meeting and talking more over what became a backdrop of protests and political actions, and they sucked me in lol. The more I learned about them, the more I wanted to listen to their stories and feel their music. This was a person I really wanted to connect with. And well, we have.

I can't begin to describe the kind of positive impact on my mental health having a friend like them around has been. They've been willing to listen to me when i've been really upset and talk with me about hard things for both of us. They talk with me via text for hours sometimes, and a lot of these days, she may have been the only on I would have ever talked to. And when their partner is gone and they're feeling really bad, we practice platonic cuddling sometimes and cuddling is just so nice???? Like I could write a book on that but this is long enough already.

This person is really important to me. I love so much about them. And it makes me so happy to see them living life, loving their equally wonderful partner and just making it day by day. It really makes me happy just being near them. I hope this doesn't too weird. I'm just really happy I can count on their friendship.

---

I guess from there, it's just the bad that's left, right. And unfortunately for me, I feel like there's so much to work on. The biggest thing I feel right now is that I just feel so burned out. After TDOR Monday and the major role I played in it, I just feel so over activism. It's not that I don't feel like it isn't worth it or I'm against anything. I just feel so disenfrancised and weak and...honeslty scared. I don't feel like my voice is being heard at protests and when I spoke up about, I couldn't handle the attention. And idk, I look at how hard everyone is fighting and it just, idk. I wish I could explain the feeling or alienation and hopelessness I get. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed and my body is just telling me so idk.

I've gotten used to my line of work now, but I have such numb feelings about my job now. It's so not the line of work I want to inhabit. I feel like a lot of what I do here directly contradicts who I am as a person, and in order to not be a crying, sniveling mess like o was in the beginning, I jhst have to supress myself. I also hate my shift (4 PM-4 AM) as it's absolutely terrible who loves the idea and beauty behind mornings. But this job pays the bills. And every adult just expects me to endure it, like hating your job and your life are just normal facets of adulthood we have to put up with. And after a recent brush with near-starvation, I guess I have to begrudgingly agree: paying the bills is better than not eating.

There's a lot of stressors right now: my family, my transness, my everything, but I guess the main idea of everything is that I just feel like the world is going crazy and I'm having to stand up to this brave new world by myself. I've dealt with a lot of my isolation and loneliness and I'm happy for that. I've come back from two near suicide attempts a month ago to really try and embrace the things about life that make it worth living. But in my everyday, I feel like something is missing and I don't know what I want. I don't know what I'm afraid of or how not to be. Is it loneliness? A lack of validation, of someone telling me "everything going to be okay"? Fear of my future? Idk.

I'm going to try and hild on to what's dear in my life. Slowly but surely. I'm going to make it through this and live.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever thought of a relationship as more of a job than love? No, but if a relationship ever feels that way then it’s time to reevaluate the relationship. Have you ever been caught right in the middle of a rain storm outside? Yeah. One example was this one time where my mom, my friend, my aunt, and I went to this outdoor food festival and it just started pouring rain and we were caught right out in the middle of it. Literally. It took awhile to get out of the festival area for one thing and we were parked quite a ways away, too. We were completely drenched by the time we got to the car. Have you got any cousins with interesting or embarrassing names? Two of my cousins have interesting names. Ones you don’t hear everyday. What is one food you could eat for a month, straight, and not get sick of? I don’t know if there’s any such food. No matter how much I like something, I will tire of it if I have it too much. Sometimes I go through food obsessions and have it a bunch and then I get tired of it and have to take a long break.

When was the last time you watched a complete hour of the news? I don’t recall. It’s been awhile.

Have you ever spray painted something about your love somewhere? No. When was the last time you visited the park? Who did you go with? Last September for a friend’s party. Are you one of those people who like to eat at restaurants a lot? I like to get takeout a lot and eat at home. Have you ever been out on the ocean in a rather small boat? Nooo. That sounds terrifying. When was the last time you went swimming? Who did you go with, if anyone? It was a few years ago. I went with a friend, her boyfriend at the time, his sister, and one of his friends. Do you like going to the beach, or do you not really care to go? I love the beach. It’s the only place I’ll spend a pretty decent amount of time outside. I just get lost in watching the ocean waves and listening to them crash into the shore. What are your parents names? Are you named after either of them? Yolanda and Jon. Nope. What was the last thing you bought at a store? When did you buy this? Food. What is one odd thing about the opposite sex you find to be attractive? Men’s hands can be quite attractive. Like when you see the veins and stuff. Or like in their neck, too. What noises in the room you’re in, do you hear at the moment? I’m watching a YouTube video so I hear that. And the wall clock in my room. Do you know a lot of things about the opposite sex’s body parts? I guess? Never really thought about it. I know about basic anatomy… <<<<< Yeah, I don’t know how else to answer this. What color is the kitchen in the house you’re in, painted? White. Do you live in a town where basically everyone knows everyone else? No. When was the last time you or someone else in your family bought a vehicle? A couple years ago. Are your grandparents the kind who are very protective of you? Yes. Have you ever, or do you live on a farm at this moment in time? No. When was the last time you had any kind of chips? What kind were they? A couple days ago I had Ruffles with ranch dip. Are you one of those people who can’t help but download everything they find? No. I didn’t realize there were people like that. <<<< That’s what I was thinking. Like they just download any ol thing? How many things in the past have you bought off Ebay? What things? A few things, I don’t know how many exactly. Are you or the people you live with pack rats? Or are they tidy? A little unorganized. The main problem is just that we have outgrown this house long ago. We’re 4 adults in a 2 bedroom house, so. What are three things to you that are really worth the wait in life? I don’t know. Is there any sound everyone else finds weird, yet you find nice? At first I couldn’t think of anything, but then I’m like, oh yeah I watch ASMR and for people who don’t experience ASMR or understand it, it’s considered weird. Were you always one of those kids who got in trouble with everyone around? No. When was the last time you took a nap? Did it relax you any? A few days ago. Naps never help me feel refreshed, but I take ‘em anyway cause sleep often wins.

Honestly, do you see yourself as a slut? No.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? Yeah.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever been through?: I’ve experienced a few hardships throughout my life.

Have you ever had your heartbroken?: Yes.

Do you think Enrique Iglesias is sexy? :P: No.

Can you text quickly?: I type faster on a computer than I do when I text on my phone.

Do you like fast food or does it disgust you?: I like it.

Which singer’s vocals would you love to steal?: Demi Lovato or Ariana Grande.

What’s your favourite shop?: Amazon. <<< Saaame.

Have you got a hairdresser that you can trust?: Yeah. I’ve been seeing the same one for 3 years. She gets the right red hair color that I like.

Are you a deep or light sleeper?: Light.

Do you wear a lot of make up?: No. I rarely wear makeup anymore.

Do you get nervous before exams? Yes, I always did. It was pretty bad.

Does the weather influence your mood?: When it’s hot like it is right now, yes. It makes me even more irritable and moody and miserable. I’m dying.

Who was the last person you kissed?: My pup.

What’s your favourite alcoholic drink?: None.

Do you watch Big Brother?: I watched the most recent season of Celebrity Big Brother.

Do you like the smell of BBQs?: Yes.

Do you crash on people’s sofas often?: Nope.

Have you left school or not?: I graduated in 2015.

Can you keep a secret?: Yes.

Have you ever been trapped in a fire?: No. Omg just thinking of that is terrifying.

Do wasps scare you?: Yes.

Have you ever had to spend the night at a hospital? Yeah, a few times. I’ve spent months in the hospital.

Are you currently trying to get over someone? No.

Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours? No.

Have you ever bought clothing online? Yeah, lots of times. That’s how I do most of my shopping now, honestly.

Have you ever worn flip flops in the snow? I don’t wear flip flops ever.

Do you wear Roxy, Billabong, or Volcom? I used to.

How old were you when you met your first love? Well, like I’ve said before I’m not so sure I was actually in love with who I thought I was, but anyway for the person I thought I was in love with I was 22.

Are you big on partying? Nope.

In December, were you single or taken? Single. What is the last thing a boy gave you? My dad bought me Mcdonald’s yesterday. ha. Are you listening to music right now? No. Last time you saw fireworks? With who? Last year on 4th of July. Anything hurting? I just took my pain med and it’s helping. Were you happy when you woke up today? I don’t wake up happy. Or feeling much of anything but tired. I need time to wake up. What mood are you in right now? I’m hungry. I had oatmeal earlier, but I don’t feel like I ate anything. My bro is bringing home Wingstop when he gets off work soon; though, so yay. Who was the last person you rode in a car with that was under 21? My brother. Are you mad at anyone right now? No. What are you currently hearing right now? The YouTube video I’m watching. Are you confused? I mean about some things, yeah. How much clothes do you have in your closet? A lot. Are you good at hiding your emotions? Most of the time. Not as good as I used to be. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? The doctor’s office. I had to reschedule that MRI that I’m dreading. I wish I could cancel it. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes. Last argument? *shrug* Favorite month(s)? October and December. Have you ever regretted letting someone go? No. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? That’s what he said. Did you speak to your father today? Not yet. He goes to work early before I wake up. How many months until your birthday? Soon to be a month. Have you ever hugged a complete stranger? I think I have.

How long has it been since you last liked somebody? Like a year. Who was the last person to compliment you? I don’t know. I be looking like a hot mess all the time, so. Do you often use the term “slut”? I never use it. Do you regret anything you’ve done in the past 24 hours? No. Would you ever have a threesome with your friend and their bf/gf? No. Or with anyone. Who would you really like to become better friends with? Like I say in every survey, it would be nice to reconnect with Ty. Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? Yeah. I have so far. Do you personally know anybody who has more than five tattoos? Yeah. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? I’m just like really hungry for some reason and time is going slow. I’m waiting for my brother to get off work. Do you believe there’s always room in your heart for your first love? I think so. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s underwear? No. Have you ever kissed in a pool? No. Have you ever lied to protect someone’s feelings? Yes. Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? Myself. When is the last time you took a nap? The other day. Would you date/hook up with your brother’s best friend? I don’t know my older brother’s friends and I wouldn’t date my 18 year old brother’s friends. Have you ever kissed just a friend? Yeah. What was the last graduation you attended? My cousin’s last June. Do you owe anyone money? No. Do you know anyone who’s done ecstasy? Possibly. Who gives the best hugs? Joseph did. Who is the last person you had a face to face conversation with? My mom. How much sleep did you get last night? 7 hours. Where are your parents? Work. Do you ever wonder what your ex or most recent “thing” is up to? Sometimes. Are you single or taken? Single. Would you rather get 1, 12 or 24 roses? 1. How big is your bed? Full. Do you like anyone? Not in the romantic sense. Favorite flower? Yellow roses. If you could go to any place right now where would you go? Somewhere cold. Do you regret anything? Yes.