#watch out !!! they aer very dangerous

[an-ungraceful-swan]

Guess what. Guess what. Look at this shit. I finished my first fucking multi-chapter fic. Go comment if you want. Inflate my ego. I am having a party about this.

people I’m gonna annoy about this - @gay-otlc @xanadaus @aurenflaring

You can also read it below the cut my lovelies

Biana stared in the mirror, and for the first time, ae almost felt like ae recognized the person staring back.

Ae had left aer hair down, and wore a purple dress, deciding against the teal one ae had picked out with aer friends. This one was simpler, with a strapless top and poofy sleeves, and a long dress that almost made it look like ae was about to frolic through a flower field.

Ae twisted aer bracelet nervously, and exhaled, before heading down the stairs, and into the foyer. Aer mother stood, beaming as Biana emerged at the top of the stairs.

“You look wonderful.” she said, and Biana smiled.

“Thanks.” Biana said, trying aer very best not to trip over aer own two feet. It was dark already, and the crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, casting fractured light onto the marble floor. “Where’s Fitz?” ae asked.

“He left with Keefe. They had dinner reservations before the dance.” Della said, and Biana nodded.

“I hope they have fun.” ae said, and aer mother nodded.

“I’m glad they’ve stayed such close friends.” Della said, and Biana nodded sagely.

Biana’s father emerged from his study, and examined aer, teal eyes cold and critical. “I thought you were wearing the teal dress.” was all he said, and Biana fought the urge to crawl out of aer skin.

“I changed my mind.” ae said, meeting his gaze.

“Hm.” he glanced at his watch. “I take it you’re bringing a date?” he asked, looking expectantly at aer.

“I-“ Biana started

(Yes I am and she’s wonderful and I’ll be dammed if I don’t try my very best to not fuck it up.)

“Darling let the girl breathe-“ Della started, but Alden interrupted her.

“It’s proper for a young girl to have a partner. What will people think if you keep showing up to dances alone?”

(If they care, that sounds like a them problem)

Biana stiffened. “If you care so much, then I’m sure you’ll be happy to know I do have a date.” ae said, heart suddenly thudding.

(Ae was sick of hiding. Fucking sick of lying and breaking aer back to bend to whatever expectations people had of her.)

Aer father raised an eyebrow. “Do I know this young man?” he asked, which was code for “is this young man someone I would like our family to be associated with?”

(Sometimes biana wanted to yell at him that no one cared. That he was acting worse then aer friends obsessing over every little detail.)

“No you don’t know her.” Biana said, crossing aer arms.

Alden flushed a little, tilting his neck like he was trying to see aer more clearly. “Biana, I’m not sure I understand.”

(Code for: “you better change your story real quick or shits gonna go down”)

“Yeah. Her name’s Sophie, I’m really excited to go to the dance with her.” Biana said, straightening. Daring him to respond.

“Biana Amberly Vacker, I don’t know what you take me for but I will not be taken for a fool.” Alden said, his voice dangerously low.

“I’m not joking dad. And this isn’t some rebellious phase.”

Aer father’s face turned a deeper shade of red, and Della rested her hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but no daughter of mine-”

“Well I don’t want to be your daughter. Maybe I’m not a fucking daughter at all.” Biana said bitterly.

Before aer father could respond to that, the doorbell rang. “Well I’ll be off. Good talk.”

Ae ran out the front door before he could reply to that, giddy and breathless.

Sophie stood there, and Biana froze, momentarily stunned.

Sophie was wearing a red suit, black button up, and a bow tie.

“Wow uh.. you look.” Biana paused. “Amazing. You look amazing.”

Sophie grinned. “You too.” she offered her hand, and Biana took it, stomach doing flips.

The two of them walked to Sophie’s battered Jeep, and Biana hopped in the passenger seat.

The car made a loud rumbling noise, and lurched forward, causing Biana to squeak.

Sophie glanced at aer, and Biana flushed. “Not a word. Not a word.”

Sophie laughed. “Wasn’t gonna say anything.”

“Uh huh. Sure you weren’t”

“I wasn’t!” Sophie said, and Biana leaned back.

The two of them arrived at the dance fashionably late, after being distracted by ice cream from the creamery in town.

They walked through the parking lot, and Biana leaned over to Sophie. “You have ice cream on your chin.”

“Do I?” Sophie asked, and Biana nodded, dabbing at it with aer sleeve.

“There you go.” ae said, and Sophie grinned. “Now shall we?” ae asked, holding out aer arm.

Sophie took it, and the two of them made their way into the crowded gym.

The music was so loud that the old gym seemed to shake with each note.

Sophie glanced around, and back at Biana.

She said something, but was drowned out by the music. Biana went to reply, but someone wrapped their arms around aer.

“Biana!” Biana spun around to see Kayla and Morgan standing there grinning. “You made it!” Kayla said, grabbing Biana’s arm. “Come one we’re over here,”

Biana started to protest, but the two of them escorted aer away from where ae and Sophie had been standing.

Ae shot an apologetic look at Sophie, who looked kind of lost.

As soon as they slowed, Biana pulled aer arms away from them. “What the hell?” ae asked.

“What?” Morgan asked, looking confused.

“I was doing something.” Biana said, crossing aer arms. “I was talking to Sophie.”

Kayla raised her eyebrows. “Why? It’s not like you’re friends with her or anything.”

“So what if I am?” Biana asked. “Last I checked you don’t choose my friends.”

“Listen, we’re not choosing your friends. We’re just saying that Sophia is a bit odd. We know what type of people you’re friends with, and I’m worried for you. She’s probably just using you.”

Biana flushed at that. “And you’re not? Whatever. I’m done. Goodbye.” ae turned on aer heel, and stormed off.

Biana shoved through the crowd, scanning the room for Sophie, but the blonde girl was nowhere to be seen.

“Guess who?” Someone asked, covering Biana’s eyes, and ae jumped. “It’s Mason!” he said, and rested his hands on aer shoulders as ae turned around.

“Please let go of my shoulders.” Biana said, any false politeness gone.

Mason pouted at that, briefly letting go. “What’s wrong Ana? I’ve been waiting for you. I thought we were going to dance.”

“I don’t- I never agreed to that Mason.”

He grabbed her hand. “If it’s something I said, I-“

“No! Let go of me!” Biana said, pulling away.

“Listen if you’re nervous I get it. I’d be nervous if I had to be my girlfriend. I mean how do you deal with my awesomeness?”

Biana froze at that. “I- What?”

“Yeah, I was hoping to ask you to be my girlfriend. I meant it to be after the dance, but now’s fine.” Mason said, pulling aer closer. “Biana Vacker, will you be my girlfriend?”

Ae felt the pit in her stomach drop, and she stiffened. “Mason…”

“Is that a yes?” he asked, stupidly hopeful, and suddenly something inside aer broke.

Ae shoved him back, and he stumble backwards into the punch bowl. The pink fruit punch spilled to the floor, and he glanced up, confused.

“No. I’ve said no asshole, you’ve just been too far up your own ass to hear me!” Biana said, not caring who heard. “Has it occurred to you for a second that maybe not everyone loves you? I’m sorry Mason, but I’m not interested. Get over yourself already”

Before anyone could react, Biana shoved through the small crowd that had gathered, and out of the gym.

The cool night air was a welcome change from the heat of the gym, and ae started walking.

As ae walked, the events of the night hit aer. For once in aer life, ae had no clue what tomorrow would look like. What would happen next? Who would ae be?

The uncertainty crept in, and ae found herself walking to the park, not sure where to go. Ae could text Keefe for a ride, but ae wasn’t sure what would happen when ae got home. ae wasn’t sure what would happen at all.

Ae sat in the gazebo, and stared up at the sky through the wooden ceiling, letting the breeze cool aer down. The stars poked out from the clouds, and Biana rubbed aer arms, cold.

“Biana?”

Biana turned to see Sophie, awkwardly standing under the lamp. She looked up at Biana, tilting her head. “Are you ok?”

Biana opened aer mouth, before shaking aer head. “Not really.” she said, voice quiet.

“Can I come sit with you?” Sophie asked, and Biana nodded, making space on the bench.

The night was quiet aside from the crickets, and it was dark in the gazebo.

“What’s up?” Sophie asked, turning to face Biana. “I heard a commotion, but wasn’t close enough. Are you ok?”

Biana nodded. “It was just Mason. For some reason he wasn’t getting the signal that I was decidedly not into him. And then I made a scene.”

Sophie crinkled her eyebrows together. “Well, I’m sure he deserved it. He doesn’t act like he can see much beyond his own inflated ego.”

Biana laughed at that, relaxing a little. “I told him he had his head stuck up his ass. And then I shoved him into the punch bowl.”

Sophie gasped. “You did not!”

“I did.” Biana said sheepishly.

“Well at least he got the signal now?” Sophie asked.

“I hope so.” Biana said, and the conversation lulled into a silence.

The night didn’t seem as cold now, at least not with Sophie next to aer. Biana suddenly felt nervous, heat rising in aer cheeks.

“Thanks for coming after me.” ae said, and Sophie nodded.

“Of course. I’d be a horrible date to not. Plus, I wanted to make sure you were ok.” Sophie said, glancing away.

“I’m better now.” Biana said, and it was true. With Sophie by aer side, Biana could believe things might go ok. One day.

Ae leaned on Sophie’s shoulder, scooching closer to her. “Is this ok?” ae asked, and Sophie nodded. Biana waited a beat before talking again. “I’m glad I met you Sophie.” ae said, glancing up at the girl. “You’re a good person.”

“You are too.” Sophie said. “And I know you said you’re not, but you are. People aren’t perfect all the time, but you care. You try to be better. Truly awful people don’t sit around worrying they’re a bad person.”

Biana laughed at that, before a thought struck aer. “Oh my god.”

Sophie looked slightly panicked. “Oh no. What’s wrong?”

Biana laughed, and Sophie loosened. “It’s nothing bad! I was just thinking how we went to a dance together, and never actually danced.”

“Ah. Well.. better late than never.” Sophie stood, and held out her hand. “May I have this dance?”

Biana nodded, taking it. “I’d love to.” ae said, and the two of them started dancing together. Awkwardly at first, but eventually they fell into an off rhythm dance, moving around the gazebo.

There wasn’t music, but in Biana’s opinion that made it all the more fun.

Eventually the two of them dissolved into laughter, sitting together on the bench again.

“You know this reminds me of those cheesy high school movies.” Sophie said absentmindedly, stealing a look at Biana. “Where the main couple has a long romantic scene, after all the drama, and they eventually share a kiss that is miraculously not awkward in the rain, because they’re too fucking stupid to bring an umbrella.” She immediately flushed, looking away.

Biana flushed as well, butterflies flipping in aer stomach. “Well too bad it isn’t raining.” ae said, almost instantly regretting it.

Sophie seemed surprised, and turned to face Biana. “Well we never did fit into boxes anyway.” she said, taking Biana’s hand.

Biana was so glad it was too dark to see that ae’d gotten red as a tomato. “... well could I?” ae asked, leaning in.

Sophie nodded. “Of course.” she said quietly.

Biana leaned in, and kissed Sophie.

Nothing too exciting happened, no fireworks flew into the sky, no dramatic music played, but it was enough. It most definitely had its share of awkwardness, and was no more than a small peck on the lips.

Biana blinked, feeling as if someone had doused aer in cold water. “I- wow.” was all ae could say, and Sophie grinned sheepishly.

“Definitely not a movie kiss.” Sophie said, grinning at Biana.

“No, better.” Biana said, grabbing Sophie’s hand. “Now I hate to break up the moment or whatever but I’m cold and I was wondering if you wanted to find somewhere warmer.”

“Well we could go watch a movie at my house? That’s something heterosexual movie couples do, right?”

“Would your parents be ok with that?” Biana asked.

“Totally. Now come on. I don’t want you to freeze to death.” Sophie took Biana’s hand, and together the two of them walked into the night.

[ghostxraven]

if ur still doing kjs asks! 3 for the radio crew (pony, cherri, dr. d), 10 for the fab four (plus the girl if u want), and 17 for ur fave <33

3: what is their gender/pronouns and sexuality? + the radio crew

show pony is nonbinary and uses they/aer pronouns. they’re bisexual!

cherri is a cis man (😔🙏) and uses he/him pronouns, though he’s starting to experiment with ze/zem as well. he is gay <3

dr. death-defying is a trans man! he/him pronouns. he is also gay 🥰

10: do they believe in the Witch, DESTROYA, no one, or someone else? + the fab four

party firmly does NOT believe in the witch. they’re very iffy on the existence of destroya, too. party believes more that if there is someone out there watching over them, they’re doing a pretty shit job, and the only person responsible for themself and their crew is them. comes from being cityborn, partially, and from their own residual guilt to round it out.

kobra is sort of neutral. he doesn’t NOT believe in the witch, but it’s more of a loose respect you give when you’re not really sure if something exists but better safe than sorry. again, comes from being cityborn.

ghoul is a very devout believer in the witch. he turned to her after his first crew was slaughtered, and he believes she hasn’t led him wrong since. he’s got a raven tattooed on the side of his neck and upper shoulder as a symbol of his devotion.

jet believes in both the witch and destroya, though they lean more towards worship of destroya, since that’s what their family’s crew growing up did. he’s not as dedicated as ghoul is, necessarily, but he does make it a point to bring all masks to the mailbox, and send people off with a prayer. if they’re about to do something dangerous as a crew jet will ask destroya for quick and safe transportation, for their rayguns to shoot straight, and he’ll ask the witch to watch over them and guide their souls if they don’t make it out.

the girl follows ghoul and jet’s lead, mostly, when she’s growing up. as a result, she casually believes in the witch and destroya, but it’s not a big thing for her. in a different world, though, she turns away from any kind of higher power when her family dies trying to save her. if good people die, what’s the point in believing?

17: tattoos and piercings, if any? + party

i’ve already done ghoul for this question (here) so i’ll do party. i’ve done a tentative list of their tattoos here, but in terms of piercings they have both of their ears pierced twice! they’d planned to get more but after their second piercing it hurt bad enough that they decided okay that’s enough. still! they’ve got a collection of earrings that they’ll pull out for parties and other events and mix and match them in the piercings. their old reliable for everyday wear is to just keep studs in — keeps the sand out and the holes open.

[gay-otlc]

Little Miss Perfect

Summary: Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward, straight girl

Straight hair is most beautiful. Straight A's are most successful. Straight forward is fastest. Straight girls are the most perfect. And if straight girls are the most perfect, and Biana is the most perfect, ae has to be straight. Ae doesn't get a choice.

Little miss perfect, that's me

Content warnings: Internalized homophobia, homophobia in general, cursing, mentions of abuse, mentions of eating disorders, lmk if I should add more.

Word count: 3143

(Read on AO3)

Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward Straight path, I don't cut corners

Biana Amberly Vacker is beautiful, and smart, but that's hardly a surprise. Even before ae was born, everyone knew ae would be beautiful, and smart. Ae's a Vacker, after all. Ae wakes up early to straighten aer hair and stays up late to study, so ae's tired all the time, but ae's gorgeous and ae's at the top of aer class, so does it really matter?

Ae takes life one day at a time, one step after another, because if ae slows down or turns around, everything ae's running away from might catch up with aer.

So ae doesn't do that. Biana keeps following the straight path and hopes the road ahead of aer doesn't wind too much. Make sure every step leads aer to perfection.

I make a point to be on time Head of the student council

Not only that, but Biana's on time for everything. Aer parents make sure of that, but ae probably would be even without their help- Biana likes to plan ahead. Or really, ae doesn't know for sure whether ae likes it, or if it makes ae feel trapped. But at least it saves aer the confusion and terror of an uncertain life. Whatever the reason, ae makes little notes in aer planner for all aer appointments.

And bigger notes in aer journal for the rest of aer life.

Make it through Foxfire.

Manifest an ability.

Get a respectable job.

Marry a respectable boy.

Have children.

Step four... doesn't seem so great, by which ae means downright nauseating, but that doesn't matter. What ae wants doesn't matter. And anyway, this will probably be what ae wants in the long run. Ae's just not old enough for boys yet. Plenty of time for that in the future.

Ae'll be on time for every step of aer perfect fucking life.

I don't black out at parties I jam to Paul McCartney

Biana doesn't break rules- mostly because ae's afraid of how aer father would punish aer. Either way, ae's never snuck out at night, never spent time with the classmates he said were beneath aer, never wore something he said showed too much skin, never ate more than ae was allowed to. Every single one of his rules, ae followed.

If that meant not going to Marella Redek's party because her mother was too "strange," even though everyone else was talking about how fun it would be, ae wouldn't go. Ae would just miss out. Fun.

Ae heard that at the parties, they played human music. What would that even sound like? Fitz knew- he got to go to the human world all the time, but Biana didn't. Still, after incessant begging, aer dad let aer listen to one song, by a human named Paul McCartney. It wasn't bad. Quite good, in comparison to elvin music. Still... ae wished ae could listen to more.

Of course, ae wouldn't. That would be disobeying aer dad. And ae didn't do that. She always had to be the perfect daughtaer.

If you ask me how I'm doing I'll say... Well, hmm

Lying wasn't good, of course. Ae shouldn't lie to people who asked how ae was doing.

But ae couldn't admit to being anything less than perfect.

So ae'd just mumble.

Perfect until proven otherwise.

I was adopted when I was two My parents spoiled me rotten

Okay, so Biana isn't actually adopted- but for years, ae thought ae had been. Always out of place in the perfect Vacker family, because everything comes so effortlessly to them, they're exactly what elvin society wants without any struggle at all. And ae... wasn't like that. Too loud, too argumentative, not quite ladylike enough. Not smart enough, ae needed to work harder. Not pretty enough.

Not interested in the right people.

But when ae learned to stay quiet, keep aer head down, and follow all the damn rules, aer parents seemed to like aer better. Well, Alden did. Della always appreciated aer, however quietly, slipping aer little pieces of mallowmelt behind Alden's back even when he told aer that ae had to be thinner. Whispering compliments into aer ears after Alden scolded aer so much his voice was hoarse from screaming and aers was hoarse from crying.

And when Alden was proud of aer, she would get everything ae wanted. All the pretty dresses. All the sparkles and sketchbooks and sewing kits. Trips to Atlantis or Eternalia. Anything ae wanted, to reward her for being Little Miss Perfect.

Often I ask myself, "What did I do?" To get as far as I've gotten

Some of the time- who the hell is ae kidding, it's most, if not all, of the time- Biana feels like... ae doesn't deserve aer last name, or aer popularity, or any of aer privileges in life. Mentors at Foxfire practically revere aer and aer peers bend over backwards to be liked by aer.

Ae is so fucking sick of it.

Why aer? Ae wants to scream the question at every single person who treats aer differently. Why is ae the one to get that treatment? Ae had never done anything important in aer whole fucking life, ae didn't do anything, and all this praise should go to someone far more perfect than aer.

A pretty girl walks by my locker My heart gives a flutter

Biana is, unfortunately, very well known at Foxfire, and ae thought ae knew everyone else too. But ae's never seen this girl before, because ae would know if they had. It would be impossible for past Biana to have seen this girl and not remember her.

She has dark skin, even darker than Biana's, and long dreadlocks pulled into a knot and streaked with blue. Biana thought ae was used to the beauty of elvin girls- they were all quite pretty- but this girl, holy shit, ae was not prepared to see this girl. Her flat nose and full pink lips and turquoise eyes are all so beautiful. Biana's heart pounds and flutters around her chest like it wants to fly out and meet this girl, and aer breath catches.

Maruca Chebota, as ae later learns, is perfection.

But I don't dare utter a word 'Cause that would be absurd behaviour For little miss perfect

The pretty girl continues walking, seemingly unaware that she's thrown Biana's world wobbling out of orbit. Biana wants to call out to her, to yell, to make sure she doesn't walk away and make it so that amazing high, those butterflies and awe and something ae can't even describe, seems almost like it never happened.

But there are a lot of people in the hallways, and they're already staring at aer far more intensely than what ae would describe as comfortable, ready to judge each and every thing she does. Running to catch up with a girl because she's pretty? Not normal. Not normal for any elf, but especially not aer.

Biana silently watches her turn around a corner into a different hallway and out of aer line of sight, wishing ae could have been a little less perfect. Just for one second.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na No, I can't risk falling off my throne

Dear Maruca,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you lately. I'm sorry I can't talk to you. You haven't done anything wrong, I promise.

It's just... you're dangerous. To my heart, my... my reputation. My throne.

That's not quite true. You're not dangerous to most people. You're just dangerous to me. Maybe you're fine, and I'm just too fragile. Too imperfect.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Love is something I don't even know

Dear Maruca,

What if we did love each other? Bravely. Boldly. Unapologetically.

What if I pretended it wouldn't topple me off my throne; or pretended I didn't care?

No. That's stupid. I shouldn't sacrifice all that for love.

This isn't even love, anyway. I don't know what love is, but you aren't it.

Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward Straight girl

Straight hair is most beautiful.

Straight A's are most successful.

Straight forward is fastest.

Straight girls are the most perfect.

Little miss perfect That's me

And if straight girls are the most perfect, and Biana is the most perfect, ae has to be straight.

Ae doesn't get a choice.

One night my friend stayed over We laughed, and drank and ordered

And straight girls would like Maruca, sure, but not in the way Biana does. Not in that all consuming, heart wrenching, feels like ae's floating and falling and spiraling all at once way. Just in a... a friend way. A normal way. Because the two of them would make perfect friends, and anything other than that would end in fiery disaster.

So Biana makes friends with Maruca. Friends. They talk about their Universe class, and play splotching together in PE (Maruca wins; Biana gets distracted by her braids), and horribly bake mallowmelt together. It burns.

Maruca is... fun. It's fun to be friends with Maruca. Ae invites her over to Everglen for a sleepover- Della is overjoyed that Biana is finally making friends- and they have a fun time. Playing games and talking about useless shit and going to go bother Fitz and his friend Keefe.

It doesn't need to be anything different, Biana tells aerself, again and again. It's perfect like this. It doesn't need to change.

Something about her drew me in What? It's totally platonic

Biana can't stop staring at Maruca.

She feels like gravity, a star, and ae feels like a planet. They work perfectly together, orbiting around and around and around. If Maruca smiles, Biana's mind races to solve the mystery of how exactly that smile would taste on aer lips. It tastes good, ae thinks, though that's a stupid thought.

"What are you thinking about?" Maruca asks. "You have this goofy smile on your face, and you didn't hear the story I just told."

Biana turns bright red. Of course, ae can't say I was thinking about your lips on mine, because that would sound... weird. Ae has to keep it platonic, because they'll never be anything other than platonic, and it's not like ae wants that either. Ae swallows, and finally says "You. I'm really glad we're friends."

Platonic friends. Perfect, platonic friends.

That night was so exciting Her smirks were so enticing

"Yeah, I'm an awesome friend," Maruca says, flicking one of her intricate braids. Biana's eyes linger on it a little too long.

Ae clears aer throat and quickly deflects the conversation, still blushing. "You are. Do you want to go downstairs? It smells like something's baking."

"I would be honored to go eat some of your mom's amazing desserts, m'laedy," says Maruca, extending a hand with mock formality. Her gorgeous lips are pulled into a smirk. Biana's breath catches; ae wants to freeze this mental image for eternity. Cautiously, ae takes Maruca's hand in aers.

Skin touching. Holding hands.

It's stupid, it's a cliche, but it does feel like sparks shoot across aer skin as Maruca wraps her fingers in Biana's and starts walking downstairs. Aer stomach flips around excitedly.

Then ae crashes and burns. They are friends. Both girls. Friends don't get this excited about holding other friends' hands. Biana rips aer hand away and stuffs it in aer pocket. Maruca looks a bit offended, but Biana clenches aer jaw and looks down.

It hurts, but ae has to be perfect. No exceptions.

Hours speed by like seconds Then, what happens is iconic

Once they get over the awkwardness of that moment, they slip right back into the fun they were having before. Della's ripplefluffs disappear quickly, and the two of them go back into Biana's room to keep talking. Biana shows Maruca aer sketches- ae hasn't really shown them to anyone before, Alden thinks a Vacker should have a more noble profession than designing fashion- and Maruca tells Biana that ae should dye aer hair.

Alden is going to kill aer, but for once, ae isn't thinking of that. Della would probably say yes, but the two of them decide it would be more fun to sneak out, so they light leap to Slurps And Burps as quietly as they can, in silent giggles the whole time. Maruca decides to re-dye the blue streaks in her hair, and Biana opts for violet. They go back to Biana's room and laugh more. Biana wildly thinks this is the most fun ae's ever had.

It's perfect, even if ae isn't.

She takes a sip, I bite my lip She tells a joke, I nearly choke

Aer stomach is sore from laughing, and ae still can't stop looking at Maruca. She's so pretty, something ae could stare at forever if ae had the chance. The longer ae looks, the more ae notices little details, like the way her braids fall against her shoulders, and how she has barely visible freckles splattered across her nose, and how her hand brushes against Biana's every so often. It's warm, and smooth, and perfect.

Maruca is a masterpiece of a person.

Currently, Biana's fascination lies in how her lips curl around the straw of her lushberry juice. It’s disgusting and wrong and so thrilling as Biana imagines kissing those lips.

No. Stop thinking about that, Biana commands aerself, biting aer own lip to draw aer attention away.

"Biana? Bi? You listening?"

Ae turns red. "Yeah, sorry!"

"Alright, so I was reading about cowboys, except I read it as cowgoys because it was really late, which implies the existence of Jewish cows. So then the thought 'Bar Moo-tzvah' came into my head and I can't stop thinking about it."

Biana snorts; the joke is funny enough on its own, but the cute little smile on Maruca's face and the way her eyes light up nearly make aer choke.

“Shut the fuck up, brain, let me be the perfect Vacker,” ae muters, too quietly for Maruca to hear.

She braids my hair, I sit there Blacking out for the first time

Maruca says Biana's newly violet hair looks beautiful- ae needs to fake a coughing fit to keep from squealing- and asks to braid it. Biana nods, and lets aerself get lost in the feeling of fingers weaving through aer hair and brushing against aer head.

Aer eyes close- ae doesn't know when, but the room around aer disappears and all ae can feel is fingers and this all encompassing, overwhelming love ae seems to be drowning in, blacking out everything else.

Next thing I know, I lose control I finally kiss her but oh no

Without making any conscious decision, Biana spins around, cups Maruca's face, and gently presses aer lips against hers. Their flat noses touch, eyelashes flutter against each other's cheeks, lips kissing. Kissing. It's fast, and sweet, and wonderful. Biana feels aer world aligning perfectly, like this is the way everything was meant to be, and there are fireworks shooting across aer skies.

Biana smiles against Maruca's lips.

I see a face in my window Then my brain starts to go

Everything happens at once.

Maruca yelps and pushes aer back. The door swings open, revealing a shocked Fitz. Fireworks vanish, as quickly as they came.

Biana's world shatters.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na No, you can't risk falling off your throne

Dear Maruca,

That kiss was amazing.

But it's too risky to do again.

I'm sorry.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Love is something you don't even know

Dear Maruca,

What do I know about kissing? It's not like I have anything to compare it too, besides that one time I kissed Keefe on the cheek because I thought I was supposed to. No, because I wanted to. Because I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him and I didn't want to kiss you.

I don't know what kissing is supposed to feel like. Or what love is supposed to feel like.

It'll be better with a boy. It has to be better with a boy.

I'll know love eventually, and it won't be with you.

You shouldn't love me either.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na You can't risk falling off your throne

Dear Maruca,

I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you-

No.

I hate myself.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Love You don't even know

Dear Maruca,

Or maybe I love you.

I don't know.

I probably don't.

Because I can't love another girl, right? I have to be misunderstanding what love means if I think I can love a girl.

I don't know love. But it can't be you.

Rewind, induce amnesia Deny the truth, that's easier

Fitz tells her what to do- pretend like it never happened. That's what Alden told him when he kissed Keefe. Biana snorts humorlessly at that; two fucked up Vacker children. But ae follows his advice. Forget about it. Pretend it never happened. Never address it with Maruca; or speak to her again, really. Pretend, pretend, pretend.

Ae's been pretending aer whole life.

Life continues on, and ae pretends to be okay. Maruca makes friends with Stina, and Biana makes friends with the new girl. Sophie Foster. Sophie is nice enough, but she's not Maruca. She can't replace Maruca. No one can fucking replace Maruca, and no one should have to- ae just fucked up aer only chance with someone that wonderful. But ae pretends Sophie is enough, pretends ae's not heartbroken.

Pretends, pretends, pretends.

Pretends to be perfect.

You're just confused, believe her When she says there's nothing there

Biana talks to Maruca once.

They both apologize in the same breath.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what happened-"

"That was weird, I'm sorry-"

"I don't like you, I was just confused."

"So was I, kissing girls was just something I thought I'd try, a bit of a phase."

"No, totally, it's not like I really like girls or anything."

"Nah, that'd be weird."

They never speak again. There's nothing between them. Biana tries to believe what Maruca told aer. Ae doesn't.

“You're just confused,” ae repeats to aerself. “You're still perfect.”

It's never worth it When you're little miss perfect

Dear Maruca,

Maybe someone else can love you. Someone who doesn't have to be little miss perfect.

[songofsoma]

Aere Perrenius

fandom: the wayhaven chronicles pairing: ava du mortain / cecilia beck rating: mature [ brief nsfw content ] word count: 1,716

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4

read it on ao3

He had recognized her right away. It was hard not to since there weren’t many women who matched the beauty presented in the wedding portrait sent by House Beck.

She was supposed to be dead. Soldiers had found her horse with its throat cut on the forest floor, a halo of scattered belongings surrounding the body—a spare dress and slippers, a tattered journal that was barely legible from being soaked through with mud, and a small coin purse that had been emptied.

Dried blood had been found on a few trees as well as in the grass. Thankfully the rain had yet to wash away the evidence.

What they didn’t find was her body.

It was assumed she had been stolen away, judging by the multiple sets of footprints, most likely to be used like a whore and left for dead. Bastardly men haunted these woods so it would have been a reasonable conclusion.

He had almost believed it himself until he had seen her.

He had been riding through the woods, tired of being cooped up indoors, when a melodic laugh broke through the trees. There she stood, wrapped in the arms of a knight, with a smile so bright it could replace the sun. And he, the golden-haired knight, looked at her as if she truly were the sun in the sky.

Jealous rage threatened to tear him to pieces as he watched them from afar.

That man had taken what was rightfully his.

He would pay. 

They both would.

They both would wish that Lady Cecilia Beck had truly died that day. He would make sure of that.

***

She cringed at the sharp crash of metal as swords collided.

Cecilia was a safe distance away from the practice ring, sitting on a blanket one of Ava’s men had scrambled to get her. 

She had thought it was sweet. 

Ava had glared at him suspiciously causing him to swallow hard.

Her knight was in the center of the ring, sweat making every inch of her exposed skin glisten. Much to Cecilia’s horror, she had opted out of the protection of her armor with the excuse that it was far too hot. There was no concrete evidence to prove it, but she figured it was to show off to her lover.

Most of the time, Cecilia wouldn’t have complained. Watching Ava’s muscles flex as she moved was a welcomed sight when she wasn’t in danger. Ava would be disappointed to find out that her attention had been on the agony she felt when the edge of the blade grew too near or when she lost her footing for a brief second. Each time she recovered with astonishing grace, but that did nothing to ease her rising anxieties.

The gods above must have taken pity on her nerves for it was not long after until the man she was sparring with was flat on his back, the tip of Ava’s sword hovering just above his throat. 

“I concede!” He groaned.

It was almost drowned out by Ava’s hoot of victory followed by that of the other spectators.

“Think twice before you challenge me again, Victor,” she chided him boastfully. “I cannot tip the scales in your favor any further without blinding myself or tying my hands behind my back!” Ava roared with laughter, the other men joining in.

Cecilia watched them curiously. It was odd to see her like this, so loud and prideful, it was unlike their time alone. She enjoyed it, nonetheless, it was nice to see her happy.

Ava finally caught her eye whilst sheathing her sword. If it were even possible, her smile brightened further as she began to stride over to where she sat.

“Was my Lady pleased with my performance?” She asked, offering a hand to help Cecilia to her feet.

“I would have preferred if you had been adequately protected.” With one hand, she smoothed down the front of her skirt, chasing away any lingering dirt, the other was still ensnared by Ava’s.

The knight brought it to her lips, gently kissing her knuckles. It was a silent apology for causing her distress. “I assure you, if I would have believed it to have been a challenge, I would have been properly suited.”

She was unable to stay cross with Ava for very long, they both were acutely aware of this fact. Ava’s honeyed words and charming smile were enough to ease the tensions seizing her mind.

Cecilia huffed in defeat and Ava knew she had been victorious once more.

“Would you like to try?” She asked suddenly.

“Try what?” Dark brows furrowed in confusion.

Letting go of her hand, Ava gripped the pommel of her sword for emphasis. “Wielding a sword. Only if you are interested of course.”

“Oh.” Cecilia blinked. She hadn’t ever thought of such a thing. “I cannot find a valid reason as to why I should not.”

Emerald eyes sparkled with delight as she ushered the lady in the direction of the wooden dummies set up for practice.

A few of the other knights had been lingering, watching their superior with heated interest. Ava hardly seemed to notice, but Cecilia could feel their gazes. It didn’t seem malicious. Just simple curiosity.

The sound of metal sliced through the air as Ava withdrew her blade, twirling it in her grasp before handing it to Cecilia. “Now be mindful for it is heavier than it looks.”

She nodded. But still, when Ava dropped her hand away from the blade, the handle fell from Cecilia’s grasp and clattered on to the dirt.

The knight chuckled as the lady scrambled to retrieve it.

Just simply holding the weapon made Cecilia understand why Ava’s arms were wrapped in cords of muscle. Years of wielding such a beast would require her strength. It rendered the skill even more impressive.

She had a better grip on the blade the second time. The thick leather of the handle was smooth in her grasp as she admired the engravings on the blade. It looked like words were carved into the metal, but she couldn’t make them out.

“Omnia mors aquant,” warm breath tickled her ear as she leaned in, Ava’s chest pressing against her back. Strong hands slid down her arms until they covered her own, holding the blade steady in front of them. “Fate will find a way.”

Cecilia’s breath hitched in her throat at the touch. If she wasn’t wielding a large, dangerous weapon she might have lost herself in Ava in the middle of the training yard.

“Ominous,” she mumbled.

A low chuckle vibrated the air around them. “It is a line my father has repeated to me since I was a child. Your fate will find you, my girl. Fate will find a way.” Her voice deepened as she impersonated Lord du Mortain. “I suppose it just…stuck.”

She turned her head, stealing a brief glance at her knight.

“No matter, let us begin.”

***

Cecilia groaned as she fell back into bed, reveling in the embrace of the soft furs and feathered mattress. Droplets of water still clung to her skin not covered by the dressing gown she wore. Her eyes were heavy, and her arms were sore from that afternoon. Ava made fighting look so easy. She shouldn’t have been surprised. There were a lot of activities her knight made effortless.

As tired as she was, she couldn’t help the smile rise to her lips as she felt the bed dip as Ava crawled towards her. Gentle kisses were peppered over her neck and her face as the knight tried her damnedest to capture Cecilia’s full attention.

She cracked open one eye, unable to help herself, and was met with the sight of her lover’s gleeful smile. The ends of a flaxen braid tickled her cheek as Ava hovered above her before her head dipped to press a tender kiss to her lady’s lips.

“Tired?” Ava murmured.

Cecilia hummed a reply with a nod.

“Too tired for me?” The suggestive tone made her brows raise in question.

“Depends on what you had in mind,” she teased, fingertips dancing along the neckline of the aged shirt she wore.

“Nothing too taxing, I assure you.” The smile on her face made Cecilia melt.

Eager fingers pushed open the poorly tied robe. No matter how many times Ava witnessed her beauty, the curves of Cecilia’s body would never fail to leave her speechless. Where Ava was hard muscles and sharp lines, her lover was soft skin and rounded edges.

“You are beautiful.” She kissed the plushness of her cheek, trailing down her neck.

“Beautiful.” Her lips kissed the point of her shoulder and traveled across her collarbone.

“Beautiful.” Ava’s head bent to kiss between her breasts.

She watched her pursuit through hooded eyes, a smile unmoving from her face. What had she done to deserve such a woman?

“Ava,” she whispered, drawing the lustful gaze to her own. “I love you.”

Her movements stuttered for a brief moment before she surged forward, capturing her in a kiss that left them both breathless.

“You are my everything, little bird.” Large hands cupped either side of her face as she covered her in a look of adoration. “For I love you so much, I cannot stand it.”

Cecilia moved to situate herself on her knight’s lap, her arms winding around her neck, ready to lose herself in their embrace. Ava held her just as tightly. She seemed determined to not let go.

Their quiet was interrupted by a thought proposed aloud.

“Marry me.”

The lady pulled back, eyes widening. “What?”

Ava’s eyes glanced away from sudden nerves. “Marry me so I shall be able to call you mine for the rest of our lives.”

Her lips parted in surprise quickly turned into a smile. 

“Look at me,” she finally said.

Reluctantly, Ava complied.

Cecilia held her face with such tenderness, she was sure they both would melt. “There is nothing more I want than to be yours for eternity.”

“So?” Hope blossomed in her gaze.

“Of course I will marry you.”

The smile on Ava’s face surely would put the brightness of the sun to shame as she pulled her close, showering her with kisses and declarations of love through Cecilia’s giggles.

[eri-blogs-life]

Tales of Vesperia is a game about how bitcoin is bad

Okay, not really. But kind of. Hear me out

Now, this write-up is gonna be full of spoilers, I just love the Tales of series and always feel a lot when I finish playing one, so I wanna get my thoughts down on “paper”. If you wanna know my overall thoughts on the game in a spoiler-free way, here they are: It’s really good and I liked it a lot

So, the Tales of series has always held a special place in my heart. I played Tales of Symphonia when I was in middle school and high school, and I played Tales of Symphonia a LOT during that time. Eventually I found Tales of the Abyss on the 3ds, and I also played Zestiria on PC. When I heard Tales of Vesperia was getting an enhanced port to the switch, I was so excited!! When it came out, I picked it up right away and played it... But after about the first major story arc, I set it aside to play something else and didn’t return to it for awhile. But, finally, a couple weeks ago I got back into a kick of playing big RPGs again, and Tales of Vesperia was a perfect candidate! So I marathoned it over the last like 2 weeks.

Story: Story is usually the core of a Tales of game. They’re big, they’re grand, and they usually have some kind of stance to take on an issue with society as a whole. Plus they’re called Tales. That’s literally just story.

Tales of Vesperia’s story was good. But, at least to me, it fell a little flat later on. Act 1 felt really strong as a standalone piece, but then it felt like the game’s theming started falling apart a little as it progressed, switching from an individual story about our protagonists to a grander story about the world. I don’t think the latter parts were bad, necessarily, but from Act 1 I felt the game was going to have a much more personal story when it ended up becoming a much more worldly story.

The game doesn’t break itself into “Acts”, this is just a way I’ve been thinking of the game myself. That breaks down into this sort of story summary:

Act 1, Introduction: Yuri leaves his home because their aque blastia got stolen and they need to get it back. Along the way, he has to make the decision that in order to deal with those who the law cannot touch, he has to become a vigilante, killing corupt politicians and other figures himself rather than letting the law attempt (and usually fail) to reach them. Act 1 ends with Yuri accepting that he can’t necessarily do all the vigilante work on his own and he joins up with Karol and Judith to form the guild Brave Vesperia.

Act 2, The Buildup: With Princess Estellise as their first client, Brave Vesperia is dragged all over the world on a quest to learn more about Estelle’s family history. Eventually, we learn that the ancient people awoke a dangerous monster called the Adephagos, and it has the potential to be reawoken if the world continues to use blastia (a technology in the Vesperia setting). As Act 2 wraps up, Commandant Alexei and his swarms of unquestioning soldiers activate an ancient weapon so Alexei can rule the world. But oops! It’s not a weapon, it was a barrier meant to keep the Adephagos out of the world. Alexei is killed.

Act 3, The FInale: With the Adephagos threatening the world, Brave Vesperia has to find some way for the people of the world to get by without access to blastia, as even if the Adephagos is killed, continued use of blastia will cause the world’s aer to go out of control and create a new Adephagos. The party finds a solution in the ability to turn ancient creatures known as Entelexaia into Spirits, elemental creatures that have the ability to manipulate and preserve the world’s aer, keeping it from going out of control. Meanwhile, a figure called Duke has determined that the best solution is actual to kill all humanity, because they will always find a way to pollute the world’s aer or in some way ruin the natural world. In the end, the party defeats Duke, and Duke decides to actually help the party stop the Adephagos in the end, allowing for humanity to live on and find new ways of surviving without the blastia technology they have relied on for so long.

So... I felt like the game really neatly fit into this three act structure, but each Act feels like its own distinct story, with different themes throughout, rather than a single unified story. Act 1 focused on trying to answer the question of “How do you deal with people who the law can’t touch?”. Act 2 focused on the question of Is it okay to blindly follow a charismatic imperialist leader? And Act 3 focused a lot on the question of How do we deal with our own technology causing problems with the natural world? So, it felt disconnected to me

The game’s “Characteristic Genre Name” is “Enforcing One’s ‘Justice’ RPG”. So presumably the game’s story should have a theme of enforcing one’s justice. And Act 1 focuses heavily on that with our main protagonist Yuri. I think an argument could be made that Act 3 focuses on that with the duel between Brave Vesperia and Duke showing the two sides trying to fight for their own “justice” in their view of how the world should be. Act 2 then feels a little disconnected, but I think an argument could be made that a lot of its focus is on Estelle learning to make decisions for herself rather than just be pulled along with whatever it is that other people put in her way, so she is learning to enforce her ‘justice’.

So, back to my catcher line at the top, no, Tales of Vesperia is not directly about bitcoin being bad. But it has a heavy focus in the latter parts about technology causing problems with the environment, in much the same way that our own technologies like bitcoin mining create pollution that causes our own air to be polluted. The Adephagos, being a creature that breaks through a barrier in the atmosphere when Terca Lumeiris’s aer is polluted, feels like a pretty dang good metaphor for global warming becoming a problem once our ozone barrier layer depleted as air pollution has increased on Earth. 

Characters: Tales games may be big on their stories, but the thing that really sells how good Tales of games are... it’s the characters. Tales games have really strong casts, and do a lot of optional characterization for the characters in ways that you really don’t see in any other JRPGs. Tales games give you the ability to watch Skits, which are just little dialogues the characters do, sometimes about some kind of story beat that just happened, but a lot of the time the Skits just focus on the characters interacting in some mundane way, and it really helps give you a stronger sense of who these characters are. And honestly, when it comes to a lot of Tales casts, there’s usually someone I feel pretty meh about. While I liked her story, Presea in Symphonia wasn’t very interested as a character to me, for example. But the main Vesperia cast is really strong and I really liked them all. So I just wanna talk briefly about each of them:

Yuri. The main character, the POV character for most of the game. Yuri starts out searching for a blastia and trying to bring a thief to justice, then becomes a vigilante killing corrupt politicians, then eventually becomes the leader of a guild whose stated goal is to enact justice and help people. Yuri was a really fun character to explore, even if I felt like a lot of his character development didn’t feel very strong after Act 1. 

Repede. The second character we’re introduced to, Repede is Yuri’s friend who also happens to be a dog. Or at least look like a dog. Repede doesn’t have much of a story going on, but god damn is he a dog. And has an alternate costume in the definitive edition that’s a 「J O J O   R E F E R E N C E」

Estelle. Princess Estellise is the driving point of a lot of the plot. She’s part of an ancient race of people who have magical powers without the need of blastia. But her people were mostly wiped out stopping the Adephagos a long time ago. She starts out as just this quiet little princess who’s trying to warn Flynn that people are hunting after him, but she really starts to grow to be her own person by the end.

Flynn. He is a knight, and struggles a lot with how to deal with those the law can’t touch, much like Yuri. Flynn and Yuri are very much foils of each other throughout the story. They’re old friends, and both tried to join the knights in order to change a corrupt system from within. But Yuri left the knights when they weren’t producing any results, becoming his vigilante self we know and love. But Flynn stayed in the knights, and between both of their opposite approaches to the world, they’re able to eventually change the world

Karol. The leader of Brave Vesperia, Karol is just a child. He starts out trying so, so hard to do cool things so he can impress people, but by the end he learns to work together with others to help people. And hey, that’s the coolest thing you can do.

Rita. A genius blastia researcher, Rita is integral to the plot, especially later on as it focuses more on the dangers of blastia. Rita has to come to terms with how the thing she loves above all else, blastia, might actually be hurting the world and shouldn’t be used.

Raven. Raven’s a neat character. He’s the classic Tales trope of the character who betrays you halfway through. In Act 2, it’s revealed that Raven is also the knight Schwann, and he’s been working both with your party, but also as a member of Alexei’s army. He has to deal with how he is just a pawn of Alexei, blindly following a characteristic imperial leader, and eventually he throws away his old identity as Schwann and becomes just Raven, a member of Brave Vesperia’s crew.

Judith. I love Judith. She’s all about destroying blastia. She knows they’re a problem, but doesn’t know why until joining up with Brave Vesperia and adventuring together for awhile. Like Rita, she’s gotta deal with a lack of purpose later on in the game, as once blastia are no longer used, her life goal of destroying blastia becomes pointless. She’s a really fun character, but I don’t know that I have the words to describe in what way.

Patty. She’s an interesting case. She’s the new character added in later updates to Vesperia, and wasn’t there in the original game. She starts out as an amnesiac who believes herself to be the granddaughter of the legendary pirate and outlaw, Aifread. But eventually it’s revealed that she is Aifread. And that brings up a lot of questions about why is she so young if she was a legendary and feared pirate captain? The optional late-game dungeon provides one explanation for this, in her having taking a sort of drug that allows one to extend their life, and the effects on humanity may be more drastic than just extending life. Patty’s a weird character. But, overall I’d say that I think they did a great job of incorporating her story into the overall Vesperia story, I think. Though oftentimes she feels very gimmicky and one-note, being all about pirate-y things and the sea. 

Gameplay: So how’s the game stack up, mechanically, to other games? Well, it’s got that great Tales style gameplay, a mix of RPG mechanics and a sort of 2.5-D fighter in its combat. And it’s noticable, being an evolution of the mechanics I loved in Symphonia that were expanded on in Abyss. Vesperia really feels good to play. 

One of my favorite things in the Tales series is how there’s usually this big cast of characters and you can have any of them be your player-controlled character. There’s usually like, your default character, Yuri in this case, that the game normally gives you control of. And Yuri was very fun to play as! But I also enjoyed trying out everyone else, and I put together a team that had me playing as Judith which was my treasure-hunting/gald-grinding team. I really liked Judith’s acrobatic high-flying combat style.

My Final Thoughts: Tales of Vesperia is really good. I think I’d rank it as my third-favorite Tales game that I’ve played so far, out of 5. So in terms of the Tales series, it’s middle of the road from my experiences so far I guess? But the Tales series is consistently above-average in my experience, so... Tldr it was a really fun experience and I’m glad I put the time into playing it.

[traychess50]

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The only factor of note is that around 60% of patients will experience short-term sensitivity to hot/cold which vanishes after the treatment has actually completed. The session includes roughly 10mins examination followed by 50mins treatment. If teeth are dark, a second session is recommended approx one week apart. Teeth whitening will not affect your enamel or have any type of destructive result on your teeth or mouth. Some individuals have reported that their teeth are a lot more conscious cool for a brief time period after the therapy.

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The laser works to accelerate or activate the bleaching process. I was lucky enough to go and see Harley Street dental expert Dr Richard Marques also known as 'The King of Smiles'. On my first check out, he took an impact of my teeth utilizing what felt like cold strawberry flavoured clay and after that sent it off to make trays that would certainly fit my teeth completely. Recently, I had seen myself ending up being increasingly insecure regarding my teeth. I knew after watching my poor sibling's toes curl in the dentist's chair on multiple events that I was lucky that I 'd never required dental braces or fillings however I would certainly never ever had shimmering white teeth. The truth is that few people do since reality isn't like Instagram, particularly if, like me, you're a merlot and black coffee fan.

Teeth Whitening Portishead.

Perceptions are taken of the mouth to generate personalised bleaching trays which completely fit the teeth. The teeth color can naturally start to go darker once more in time due to our eating and drinking routines, for that reason it is normal for individuals to top up on their therapy periodically. Obtain a bright, white smile in Bristol today by scheduling a visit with the Dental Touch. Your Freeman & Rosser Dental & Implant Center dentist can aid you achieve a gorgeous smile without extensive orthodontics.

When I stood, ever so glamorously removing my saliva covered trays I was apprehensive concerning the outcomes. As soon as I looked in the mirror I was genuinely bewildered by just how much happier I was with my teeth as well as anyone who understands me will bear witness the truth that I am not easily amazed. I laid there, trying not to gag which is no mean accomplishment due to the fact that I have an overactive gag reflex, and also the laser functioned its magic.

Our focus on Smileright ™ is to make certain that after a browse through to our oral center you will certainly entrust a bright healthy and balanced smile that fills you with confidence. Cosmetic stain elimination using Airflow sprucing up is more advanced than a basic range as well as gloss; it leaves people with same-day cleaner, brighter teeth. It includes using a combination of jet water, air as well as salt bicarbonate to tidy teeth, and is normally done by the Hygienist. choose a teeth whitening stourbridge is a safe treatment as no chemicals are made use of, for that reason no threat to any kind of irritation. Baby teeth often tend to be a brighter shade of white than adult teeth. Though genes will certainly determine the illumination of enamel, the most common consider teeth becoming dull and also discoloured are food and also drinks. What you consume daily, from fruits to juice to coffee or wine, will deposit little fragments of colour onto teeth.

An experienced visual dental practitioner will make every client's smile wonderful, but likewise distinctive as well as a whole lot more genuine looking than in the past. If you have actually got details needs for the treatment, we can finish a variety of solutions to match each of our distinct people. There are a number of factors that may affect exactly just how your smile looks, and also not everybody is blessed with the best smile.

What is the best teeth whitening method?

Option #1: In-Office Laser Whitening This is one of the popular teeth whitening methods that some people believe is the most effective way to get a brighter smile. Using lasers and peroxide-based whitening agents in a professional setting, this teeth whitening method provides dramatic, lasting results.

Any signs and symptoms will be short-lived and will go away after a couple of days of conclusion of the therapy. Appearance counts a great deal in the way that individuals judge us, and also an intense smile is just one of the first things that is noticed by others. Not only is a brighter as well as whiter smile much more attractive and also confidence increasing yet it can leave an unforgettable and enduring perception. Once the treatment is full, you have to be careful what you consume for the initial 2 days, as the pores in your teeth will certainly be open and also vulnerable to discolorations. Similarly, you might experience a small cozy feeling on your lips throughout the laser therapy so do not hesitate to signal the dental expert and also they'll change it. After he has set up the cheek retractor to maintain the mouth widen, Dr Richard reveals me a range of teeth varying from all-natural white all the way up to the brightest white imaginable.

[the-pan-ace-writings]

Chapter 13 Escape

First Previous Masterlist

A/N this one is pretty short in my opinion and i tried writing it a bit different than I normally do, I dont know if ill do that again, but in my opinion its best to try and fail than to not to try at all. 

   Riona woke to distant gunshots. She had to untangle herself from MacCready before she could step outside to try to figure out where it was from. She heard another shot ring out and knew it was from the interchange. 

   She bolted back inside, it was still dark out and they had about two more hours of darkness before the sun even had a chance to rise. She packed everything they had as fast as possible and sent Dogmeat out to scout the area ahead. 

   She had to move them, to leave the area completely. She had finished packing everything up and tried to wake MacCready but he was still out cold from the Med-x she had given him earlier. Frowning she decided it was probably going to be best to head back to Sanctuary, that was at least three hours away but hopefully, it would be mostly clear having been mostly settled down. 

   She gave him the rest of the Med-x that was left, hoping it would keep him out or at least quiet. She put him up on her shoulders and left the shack her sword jostled uncomfortably against her thigh as she took off in a run, her AER 9 clutched in her grip. She tried to keep watch for anything out in the brush that she was running through, trying to say out of sight from the clearings. They had to run north to get to Sanctuary which meant going past the interchange again. 

   She moved slowly as the approached near the interchange trying to remain unseen, but she also starred in horror at the ruined gunner base. The bodies that had been left there were strung up with rope hanging down from the interchange of rebar, and all of the structures were on fire. She stood watching for a moment before Dogmeat came running towards her and started urging her forwards. There was no point in staring, what's done is done. 

   The wind was picking up as she traveled, Dogmeat had come back and stuck with her now that they were almost two miles out from the interchange, you could no longer hear the sounds of firefights but rather her panting. She had wanted to get them all as far away as they could from there so she had run the majority of it but she was already swaying on her feet. 

   It wasn't a good situation that they were in, the wind picking up almost definitely meant it was going to rain and already being overloaded muddy terrain could quickly get them both injured, the only fortunate thing was that most creatures of the night would be hidden away if it started to rain. 

   She looked down at her Pip-boy and cursed the distance. If cars had not gone to hell when the world decided to explode they could be there already, and MacCready could have been helped by now instead of being lugged around drugged up. She was in a near nervous fit over the whole thing, she couldn't have another person die because she couldn't get them help, she refused. 

   She marched as fast as she could without jostling MacCready too much, already worried about running with him in his condition. She could feel the air becoming thick with rain and hear the trees swirling around them. 

   Riona hated storms and it seems like they were about to get a torrential downpour. She cursed and tried to take cover under an overhang of rocks, she managed to put MacCready and secured before it started raining, pelting her unprotected back. She searched for any piece of clothing that would be waterproof and had found an oilskin that was buried at the bottom of her ruck. She took it out immediately and used it to cover MacCready up before they continued on their way to Sanctuary. 

   It had only been an hour since they left the shack and it felt like it had only gotten darker, but she continued. She was drenched within moments, her hair was plastered to her scalp and her armor felt like it weighed an extra ten pounds, her leather trench doing nothing to keep her dry or warm. 

   The rain was coming down in sheets and she was worried it would turn into snow, the ground was sludge beneath her boots, dogmeat had started to walk along the tree line to take whatever type of protection he could get from the rain. Riona didn't dare get that close for fear of the ground falling into root pits with her movement. If she sprained her ankle doing that there would be no way they'd make it to Sanctuary before it was too late to help MacCready.  

    The wind was whipping around them, her coat taut behind her, cold wet air blew into her face and it felt like fire. It was the damn itching of radiation. The sky lit up in sickly green and she saw a tree crash to the ground a few meters in front of them. Another was pulled down directly in front of them, she almost tumbled to the ground trying to avoid being crushed to death by a tree. Dogmeat was howling and darting between her and far ahead trying to avoid falling objects.

   “Dogmeat! Go ahead! Make it to Sanctuary!” she yelled out at him, who was currently dodging another fallen tree. He made another mournful howl before taking off at full speed northwards and out of sight. 

   She had to get them on to a road, away from more trees, but the storm was only worsening and the cold rain was quickly making any type of movement painfully chill. She was shaking with every movement, but she carried on determined to just get them to safety. It started becoming a mindless task, of second nature to just keep moving forward, to get MacCready help and all she could think of was her old squad from  Anchorage and being trapped in her godforsaken power armor. 

   Everything felt useless like there wasn't going to be a happy ending to any of this, even if she got MacCready back to sanctuary there was no telling he’d make it, especially with everything going on. He could be dead right now. It was a dark thought, and something she tried to expel from her mind immediately, but with only the storm and trudging forward it was the only thing that kept returning. 

   She couldn't risk stopping to check and all of a sudden she regretted giving him another dose of MedX, she would take pained garbling and him being angry than this silence. 

   “Cready?” She jostled her shoulders, a vain attempt to check on him. He was silent. It should have been expected but all the dread that resided in her swelled and she couldn't keep herself from silently crying, itching rain mixing with her tears. 

   Riona had lost track of how long she had carried them, or how far. It was almost sunrise and she could feel the storm letting up. She tried to raise her arm to look at the pip-boy but found the movement excruciating, she cried out. 

   All she could hope for was sunrise, she could determine the direction she was going in at the very least. Her awareness was starting to slip from her, she’d stopped looking out for danger and instead focused solely on getting to the bridge. 

   She hoped Dogmeat had made it back and they would have alerted the settlement. She hoped the General would know what to do because she was hopeless at this point. She was convinced she was carrying the dead and her only solace was that she could get him back to somewhere with a little bit of beauty. 

   The sun brought faint light and the end to the storm. She was still soaked through but the rising sun revealed just how close they were to Sanctuary. She jostled MacCready again.

   “Cready, we made it.” She was crying again, the moment she reached the bridge to the development she collapsed. Dogmeat was already barking up a storm trying to get attention to her and was partially dragging the General by his coattails to her. 

   The moment Preston had seen them he called out for help, and Riona closed her eyes taking in the morning rays where she could finally just let go momentarily in the safety of Sanctuary. 

    “What the hell happened to you guys!” He was waving down a doctor that had settled down here as he worked on separating her and MacCready along with their gear. 

   “Cleared out Mass Pike, he was shot. Couldn't stay.” she was barely conscious at this point, the exertion of her travel starting to take over. “Gave him Medx to keep him out.” Preston leaned over her to examine the red blotches on her skin. 

   “Rad Rain. Riona you know how badly radiation like that affects you.” he had brushed her hair back to view her face better. Her face crumpled in distress. 

  “He can't die, please, Preston the radiation does matter, he can't die.” she was pleading with him and looked like she was going to be ill. The Doctor had dropped down next to her and she shoved her away. “Him, help him.” and very nearly snarled when she reached for her again, almost lunging at her. Preston pulled her back and nodded at the doctor before he lifted her off the ground. 

   “Riona we’ll help him, but you need to be tended to before you get ill.” He was bringing her to her home and quickly called in Codsworth who took over. She was extremely dizzy and could barely stand herself. 

   The moment she was settled into the tub and surrounded by warm water she nearly slipped into sleep, Preston had gone to collect supplies for both Codsworth and for the town doctor. 

   “Mum, I thought we agreed last time you wouldn't overexpose yourself.” He was hovering behind her helping wash her hair while she haphazardly cleaned up her body. 

   “It was important.” They didn't know MacCready, none of them did. She hadn't been here in a long time and especially after the wall she hit trying to find Shaun. It pained her to be back in her home, quiet and childless and while Codsworth didn't mean to upset her he nearly constantly asked about Shaun. 

   Once she was mostly cleaned up Codsworth helped her to her room and let her dress before coming back in and insisting that she “lay down for a spell” She was almost asleep burrowed under numerous blankets that he insisted on pilling on to her,

   “Codsworth?” she was quiet again, in a whisper. 

   “Yes, Mum?” He had turned back to her eyes focusing on her and brought one of his hands to pet her head. 

   “Will you please make up the guest room?” 

   She knew the doctor's building was small and figured if when he came to, he’d want somewhere else to stay. Codsworth just hummed affirmatively and stayed with her till she was forced to stop worrying and was pulled into sleep from exhaustion. 

Next

[penofdamocles]

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100 Random Character Development Questions

Detail one secret shame your character feels. 

Dozens of times, in varying situations, Madison’s upset his friends in the normal way, that friends do, when just by being themselves they rub the wrong way with someone who isn’t exactly like them. The problem is that he takes these mistakes extremely seriously, blames himself for not knowing exactly what they wanted and acting accordingly, and feels a need to fix himself in order to never upset the given person again in the future. Whether his friends are actually upset and about what is a grey area that he’s constantly drawing assumptions from, and said friends might disagree with his assessment, but in every instance, willing to do anything to keep them all from giving up on him or hurting him to make him go away, as he believes he deserves, Madison promises to do and be better in the future.In his own eyes, he’s broken this promise dozens of times over. All the things he promises to change or stop are neutral elements of his personality and mental illness twisted into unforgivable flaws inside his own head, or inherent urges written into his angel programming that he blames himself for not being good enough to bypass. The fact that he repeatedly makes these “horrible mistakes” and then is incapable of successfully changing or erasing the part of himself that “caused the problem” is seen as a huge flaw in its own right, inherently selfish that he “refuses” to alter his thought processes to make someone he cares about happier. His friends like him the way he is, of course, and rarely seem to take that promise seriously, but Madison knows that he lied to everyone at some point, and the self-hatred and shame from being built of flaws that he seemingly doesn’t care enough to get rid of, even when they hurt those he loves, has eaten him for a long time. The unkeepable promises just add to that; though he’d never remind anyone he made them.

What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen?

Mads hasn’t seen a lot of things, and would call a few different unrelated events equally “the most beautiful thing”, including his first sunset, his wife, his ward’s birth, the storm he flew into, most of his friends and their neat abilities, he thinks lots of things are beautiful, stuff like that. But one thing always stuck with him, and though he wouldn’t admit it since it seems self-absorbed and arrogant, witnessing his soul’s healing ability activate for the first time, in the context it did, would rank at the top. He didn’t know it existed at all before the power was urgently needed to save Seculus, but the clouds of colorful buzzing light that surrounded them, combined with Sec’s visible improvement and the knowledge that Madison was the one doing this, that he was finally capable of helping his friend (and finally good for something); that stuck with him. Though, he would say that Sec’s look of joy and relief was the most beautiful thing in this situation.

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person?

Oof! Oof!! In Madison’s professional opinion, robbing a person of their free will and ability to choose is bad enough, but the worst thing is going further, taking their memories, and identity, planting desired patterns of thought and mental blocks and traps to keep them from so much as thinking about specific inconvenient things without pain, conditioning them to have certain feelings toward certain things or maybe none at all, punishing them with temporary nonexistence and reinforcement of this programming for every hint of rebellion, pressing and shaping them into the preferred shape until they’re incapable of functioning whatsoever without being controlled and directed. Until they’re something completely different, empty but conscious, molded into a subhuman tool by whoever thought they had the right. Essentially, the worst thing he believes can be done to a person is to make them not a person anymore, without killing them. He gets very strong feelings whenever he sees a situation resembling this, and if it sounds familiar, it should; it’s a thorough description of brainwashing, and word for word what happened, and is still happening, to Madison himself. Of course, he doesn’t see this as ‘the worst thing’ in his own case; he’s not a person, after all! (The depressing irony is lost on him.)

How does your character feel about their own mortality?

Now this is an interesting one, because technically, Madison can’t die again; voices don’t age or get sick, and Madison’s healing ability prevents him from being killed violently unless every spark of his soul were destroyed at once. Even when voices do die, their soul lingers without form as a highly functional but extremely lonely ghost, for the eternity they would’ve had otherwise. However, a recent discovery revealed that if a voice goes for a little longer than a month without visiting the astral plane, they begin to disappear entirely, without the energy of their home plane to sustain them. Without intervention they’ll simply vanish like they were never there. Madison’s been thinking about this latter scenario a lot. The concept of forever, potentially spent alone, scares him, especially with the knowledge that his family is in an afterlife he’ll never have access to, and with each wave of overwhelming hopelessness, the idea of doing absolutely nothing until he completely disappears has tempted him more and more. The hateful growth taking up residence in his head until recently has made matters much worse. He used to have an intense fear of anyone choosing to kill him at any time, and though that was irrational in the first place for several reasons, that anxiety’s gone now. If Madison were mortal, he’d have probably left a long time ago; he’s died before, what does he have to fear from doing it again?

Has your character ever killed anyone?

No he hasn’t! Not even on accident. Madison’s had a pacifistic mindset since he was with his ward, it’s one of his core principles to never resort to violence when angered or upset, even in small amounts. That said, he’s not exactly capable of murder even if he wanted to, with his poor fighting abilities and anxiety around blood, not that he’s had a chance or desire in the past. Even now that he’s learning to use a proper weapon, he’s intent on only using it in defense of himself and others, and though he’s wished death on several people’s abusers at this point, there’s been no need for it yet. Mads believes that it’s his fault directly that the people in his place of work when he died were killed along with him, however, though there isn’t solid proof of that, and if there were, it would have been unintentional and impossible to predict the outcome when it happened.

How strong is your character’s sense of responsibility? What kinds of things trigger it?

Stronger than any other sense he has, that’s for sure; too strong, in fact. Between what he was built to do as an angel in supporting and helping a person with his whole being, his own intense instincts as a parent and friend, and the extremely high standards he holds himself to, Madison takes responsibility for everyone else’s problems and then some. It’s a consistent, unshakable mindset that when he sees someone struggling, he has to help in whatever way he can, or sometimes ways he can’t, which he then puts responsibility on himself for not being capable of. 

Madison when first introduced to the world was wildly inconsiderate of anyone’s wants, feelings, or concerns outside of his ward; he learned how to care about people from Seculus, another angel with a really bad self-sacrifice problem, and he saw her as such a kind person that aer unhealthy tendencies were taken as law. It took so much effort to get to the level of decency Mads has reached now that any sort of dismissal of others’ pain is interpreted as a huge step backwards into the cruel person he was before, that he needs to immediately make up for. His feelings may differ, but whether it’s familial, romantic, ward-esque or empathetic, he offers up everything when someone has a problem of any sort, especially emotional, and if there’s no fixing it, takes responsibility for its very existence, taking on their pain like this makes anything better. This in itself is ironically self-absorbed, though at the same time the only responsibility he takes for his own issues is to claim that he doesn’t matter enough for them to be a concern to himself or others. It’s irresponsible to worry others with his own problems, when they can’t easily be solved and don’t directly impact those besides himself. Obviously this gets frustrating sometimes.

There is also a gripping need to protect others, especially those he cares about. Witnessing someone in danger sets off his angel dad instincts, the first of which is to throw himself between them and the threat, either figuratively or literally. When they won’t let him, he gets panicked, as it feels like he’s forced to stand there and just watch; there are only a couple of people he trusts enough to let them protect him in return. Putting others in harm’s way for his own sake seems irresponsible. (Also ironic!) This is most of the reason he’s learning swordplay, so that he’s more effective in defending others, as opposed to just being a fragile obstacle.

On a lighter note, he feels the same intense responsibility for most living things, and having a pet in his life has helped his own self-care routines somewhat. His dog is relying on him for food, care, and shelter, and if he allows himself to stop functioning entirely or disappear, Madison will be causing him to suffer; thus, he continues to exist, on his worst days, just so Bo won’t have to be in pain. Being told by people, as well, the pain this would cause them, also forces Madison to stick around, but it’s out of guilt, not reassurance at being cared for.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Eighty: Dowsing ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Itachi ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse:Divine Light ] [ AO3 Link ]

None of them, when they hatched this ridiculous plot, ever claimed to be a learned adventurer or traveler. Sasuke and Itachi had lived in one of the major cities when boys, forced to flee when civil war broke out. They then lived in a forest home. And while Sasuke took a few beast-hunting contracts, they never took him very far. Hinata, too, was a child of a city: one by the southern seas. But her family’s fleeing also took them to a secluded home, and her father - too paranoid of being attacked by el’kor - rarely let either of his daughters leave. And the light mage, the unofficial leader of their expedition, may have been well-traveled when younger, but...well, she was young. And kept hidden by her two teenage caretakers. A lux mage, after all, was - and still is - a rare thing...and there were fears she’d be taken...or worse.

So, when their journey leaves them with empty waterskins and no immediately viable water source...none of them are even remotely prepared.

“Can’t you just...make water?” Sasuke asks as they check the rest of their provisions. They’re currently astride a large plain, with no signs of water anywhere.

Hinata, to whom the question was directed as a water mage, give him a cool glance. “I can’t make water, no. No mage makes their element.”

“I make fire.”

“No...you control it. Fire is just heat. You use your energy - your ven - to control heat, which can take the shape of fire,” the lux mage cuts in. “Ven is not your element - it is energy that is specifically...tuned for an element. Which is why you cannot control water as Hinata does, nor could she control fire as you do. When you wield an element, you use your energy to manipulate it to your will. Just as I manipulate the body when I heal. I feed it energy, and it uses that energy to speed up what would naturally be its healing process. Of course...other things require more...interference on my part, but that is the gist.”

Sasuke contemplates that a moment. While he’s never been officially taught about ven, just what his parents have described, he’s never made that connection. Fire, he supposes, is a bit...unique that way.

“There’s water in the air,” Hinata notes, “but it would take far too much energy to gather enough to make a difference.”

“...what about the earth?” Itachi pipes up. “Is there not water beneath the surface?”

“There is...but depending on how far down it is, it would be just as taxing,” Hinata explains. “Water is a heavy element, as is earth...it takes a lot of energy to move it straight up, especially through the ground. If we had a terra mage, it would be easier…”

“Well...isn’t terra also a child of tenebris?” Sasuke muses. “Just like igni and aer are both children of lux? Wouldn’t you have the best chance of all of us to move it?”

“I...guess I would. But then I’d have to do both, and it would be even more taxing.”

A thoughtful hand at her chin, the lux mage seems to try to come up with a plan. “...what if you were to dowse for it?”

“Dowse…?”

“It is an old technique the el’kor use to find water. A strange method that uses a split stick to locate water close to the surface. But...perhaps rather than doing so literally, you could use your ven to ‘feel’ into the earth and find a place more easily accessible…?”

Hinata hesitates a moment. “I...could try?”

“Well, we just finished our water...we can go a few days without it before we start to get into real danger,” Itachi murmurs. “You have some time to look before we become desperate.”

“Do you think you could do it?” Sasuke asks. “Because if not...it might be our lives.”

Worry creases her brow. “...I-I…”

“This is my fault,” the healer murmurs. “I...was not prepared. Do not place that burden upon Hinata’s shoulders.”

“At least you’re taking responsibility for once,” Sasuke mutters, ignoring the sharp look he gets from his brother.

“...I can do it.”

The other trio look to Hinata with varying expressions. “...are you sure?” the lux mage hushes. “I don’t want to lay this upon you if -”

“No! I...I can do it. Just...be prepared for me to be a bit tired. But I think - I know I can do it.”

Exchanging glances, the rest then nod. “...all right then,” Sasuke offers. “Guess we’re doing this.”

Packing up their camp, the group hitches their bags to their saddles, mounting their horses and leaving the treeline behind for the great plain that stretches out before them. In the distance, the mountain range they must cross to reach the Luxerian homeland awaits. It’s barely a bluish smudge along the horizon...but Sasuke hopes they’ll reach it soon. Because the sooner they reach the empty remnants of the capital, the sooner - he prays - his brother will finally be cured...and they can go home.

...even if he gets the sneaking suspicion it won’t be so simple.

They make good distance, all things considered. The open, arid plain is home to a great amount of wind...and by the time they stop for the evening, the group is all but sick of it. Skin dry and lips cracking, there’s no respite come evening. It slows a bit, but never stops. The lux mage manages to urge their horses into lying in a line, providing just a hint of protection. A fire is nearly impossible, even with the pair of igni mages to feed it.

But the real test comes to Hinata.

Eyes closed in concentration, she walks a small distance from the group, hands planted to the ground to let energy seep into the soil in search of water.

The rest try not to stare as she works, giving fleeting glances for any sign of success.

She returns a while later, expression wilted. “It’s too deep...at least thirty feet if I had to guess.”

The lux mage hesitates. “...we’ll look for a low spot tomorrow you can try. That may help.”

“Low spot?” Sasuke asks. “This is a level plain! I doubt anything will change! We should turn back first thing, and find another way to the mountains.”

“There is no other way,” Hinata rebukes. 

“There has to be!”

“Please,” the healer cuts in, tone strained. “...for now, we should rest. There’s nothing to be done in the dark, either way.”

Clearly not impressed, Sasuke simply skulks off to one side, leaning against his horse’s middle to take advantage of the cover, no matter how small. After a sheepish pause, Hinata does the same.

“...you really can’t reach it?” he asks after a pregnant pause. 

“I...I don’t know. I think I can...reach it. But pulling it up through so much rock and earth...I don’t know if I have the energy.”

He gives her a glance. “...is there a way we could...give you energy?”

“Um...maybe…?”

“Well, it’s like the lux mage says: when she heals, she gives a body energy. So...why couldn’t we do something similar?”

Staring up at the stars, the water mage considers that. “...I guess...we could try?”

“Gods know I can’t sleep, so...sure. Let’s try.”

The pair move back to where she’d tried dowsing, ignoring the elder pair’s curious glances. “...so it’s all about the same level?”

“Yeah...at least, in the range I can sense it. There’s no telling how it might change. It might even get worse further from here.”

“Okay, well…” Sasuke pauses, considering...what exactly to do. “You find it, and...when you do, tell me. I’ll try to transfer some energy.”

Giving a determined nod, Hinata does just that. A faint blue glow emanates from beneath her palms, bleeding into the earth.

“...got it.”

“Okay…” Putting hands on her shoulders, Sasuke focuses. He’s done this before with his brother, but...well, they’re related, let alone the same element. He has no idea if this will work… “...try it.”

His own hands glow a fiery red, the pair working in tandem. For a moment, nothing...and then -

“I-I got it!”

“Don’t lose your concentration!”

Hearing Hinata’s cry, the other two mages join them, filling water skins as Hinata brings a large pool to the surface. Mounts are then led over to drink, the humans doing the same. Only once they’ve all drank to bursting does Hinata let the energy fade. Slowly, the water seeps back into the earth.

The group all glance to each other.

“...well, at least we know it works,” Itachi muses.

“At this depth, at least...it might be more draining should the water table lower later on,” the lux mage cautions. “Hinata, how do you feel…?”

“A...a little tired, but Sasuke lent me some energy. I’ll be fine after I get some sleep.”

“Well...good. Good. That’s a relief. Now...we all need rest. Back to it in the morning.”

With the light mage and Itachi taking first watch, the younger pair retreat to try to sleep. “...I knew you could do it,” Sasuke murmurs, eyes closing.

“...thanks.”

                                                            .oOo.

     This prompt was...so random xD Google says dowsing can be for more than just water, but! I thought that fit this verse pretty well. Not a lot of room for shippiness (besides some teamwork and praise), but...well, it was kinda there, lol      I can't believe June is almost over...and with it, our unofficial halfway mark! Technically I think day 182 is the most halfway (half of 365 is 182.5 lol), but! I'm gonna try, for those of you who care, to have a bit of a Q&A session on Tumblr June 30 and July 1 as a bit of a celebration for the big marker! You can ask me, or Sasuke and Hinata, any questions you want! It can be about certain universes I write them in, canon stuff, or just...whatever you want. I thought that might be a fun way to note the milestone. Technically the inbox on Tumblr is ALWAYS open for this kind of thing, but...I figured I'd try to make a thing of it, lol      Aaanyway, for now...I need sleep, lol - I'll post more about it when I get back online tomorrow on Tumblr. For my AO3 peeps, you can head over there if you want, but...I guess there's no real way to ask questions beyond comments on the fics...which I guess you can do if you want? xD But for now, I'ma call it a night - thanks for reading!

[burnouts3s3]

Simoun, a review

(Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit unprofessional blog post written by an unprofessional blog poster. All purported facts and statement are little more than the subjective, biased opinion of said blog poster. In other words, don’t take anything I say too seriously.) Just the facts 'Cause you're in a Hurry! Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price for Season (MSRP): 25.00 USD How much I paid: 23 Dollars USD. Number of Episodes: 26 Episodes Price per episode: 1 Dollar per episode Length per Episode: 25 Minutes on average. 21 Without Intro and Ending song. Number of Discs: 5 DVD Discs in total.   Episodes per Disc: 5 or 6. Licensed and Localized by: Media Blasters Animation Studio: Deen Audio: Japanese Audio with Subtitles available Bonus Features: Staff and Voice Actor Commentary. My Personal Biases: I actually saw Simoun a while back but never reviewed it. I like other shows in the Shoujo Ai genre such as Mai Hime, Mai Otome, Maria Watches over Us, Strawberry Panic and yes, even Kannazuki no Miko/Destiny of the Shrine Maiden.   My Verdict: Simoun is probably one of the best shows and anime series I’ve seen even if it wasn’t part of the shoujo ai genre. It stands up to one of the best in the business with its beautiful animation, amazing soundtrack, incredible world building and interesting characters. But its tone and message is joyless, sullen and grim. Even when the series has a handful of hopeful (not happy mind you) scenes, there’s still the sense of loss. If you can stomach some truly heart wrenching scenes, check this show out when you can. A/N: Okay, so Media Blasters is the official licenser of the show and translated most of the subs. A lot of the names were also translated but a lot of fans noticed a change in names. Mainly, a lot of characters whose names end with a “u” end up having the “u” dropped. So Caimu is Kaim, Anubitufu is Anubituf and Aeru is Aer. Also, Rodoreamon is apparently Rotreamon now. I’m going to use the names Media Blasters chose for the characters for the sake of simplicity. Simoun, a review

I consider myself a fan of shoujo-ai or Yuri anime. I own a couple of boxsets of Yuri anime. I watch Yuri anime. Even the stuff that bores me (Strawberry Panic) or annoys me (Kannazuki no Miko/Destiny of the Shrine Maiden) at least makes me rewatch it again and again. Like all things, I tend to have agreements of which shows I like and which shows I detest like the fucking plague. But, then comes a series that not only makes me rethink preconceptions I had about religion, war, politics, children, innocence and romances, but also makes me rethink myself and how I rate things on a good or bad rating. Simoun is a particularly hard series for me to review. It’s a study of contrasts. While I can honestly say the efforts put forth by the director, the animators, the voice actors and the writers is nothing less than something I find in a movie studio and the passion put into this project is nothing less than soul bearing, it remains one of the most polarizing and controversial shows I’ve ever reviewed. So, let me say this upfront so you can understand where I’m coming from: Simoun is a fantastic anime that covers the concepts of children at war, religion rivaling technology, gender roles, maturity, war in the name of religion, and the loss of innocence… that also happens to have lesbian romances. It’s probably one of the few shows that’s legitimately good and can recommend to people who aren’t shoujo ai fans. The scope magnificent, the animation, even the stilled shots, are gorgeous to look at, the music is haunting and the characters and voice actors do their absolute best to make the characters come alive. Even the use of CGI ships against a 2D backdrop manage to still look compelling (if a bit dated). A war breaks out between three nations Simulacrum, Argentum, and Plumbum over Simulacrum helical motor technology that powers the airships known as Simouns. Two fleets of the Simoun, Chor Caput and Chor Tempest, stumble upon a huge Argentum airship fleet attempting steal a Simoun. Suffering massive losses in the battle, the pair Neviril and Amuria of Chor Tempest attempt an extremely powerful but extremely dangerous maneuver out of desperation named the Emerald Ri Mājon. Neviril hesitates after making eye contact with the enemy, and the pair fail resulting in an explosion that takes Amuria with it. The fight leaves the sibyllae or members of Chor Tempest extremely demoralized and Neviril in despair. This is not Strawberry Panic, an all-girls school romance; this is Ender’s Game and Top Gun for the Shoujo Ai Genre. I would even hesitate to use the word Romance to describe this show because of how dark and at times bleak it can get. But, if you can stomach through the hardships and the gut wrenching scenes, you will find a light at the end of the tunnel and will find hope for the world and its characters. The people of Daikūriku are all born female. In Simulacrum, the girls grow up until age of seventeen, when they make a pilgrimage to a holy place known as "the Spring" to select their permanent sex. Four new sibyllae join Chor Tempest, one of them an excellent pilot with an unshakeable morale named Aer. Aer immediately decides to partner with Neviril, however despite her persistent attempts, Neviril remains too mired in her grief over Amuria's death to accept her. How committed are the producers to this premise of everyone being born female? So committed that they literally hired only female voice performers to voice all the characters, even the older men with facial hair. It’s that fact that haunts the world around them. Certain countries do not have access to the well so they have to perform sex reassignment surgery operations for half of the population to keep them afloat. And the use of such technology is polluting their world to the point of seeing nothing but red and black. This show came out in 2006 before the idea of there being more than 2 genders, debates on whether gender and general roles are a social or biological constructs and gender fluidity became popularized on internet sites like Tumblr. (I will point out to my internet skeptic friends that the show’s setting depicts EVERYONE as being born biologically female and, according to this world, that certain members MUST transition to the male gender to keep society functioning.) But be warned; the show can get bleak and downright depressing at times. If you thought it was hard to sit through some of the darker parts of Kannazuki no Miko or My-Hime, you haven’t seen anything yet! For example, as early as Episode 4 (one of the ‘filler’ episodes), Aer and Rimone take an unauthorized flight and get ambushed on the ground by an enemy soldier. The Soldier dies only to have his body stiffen up with his hands on the controls of the Simoun. Rimone points out that prying his hands off will break the controls, stranding them there in enemy territory while the enemy comes closer. So Aer has to take her tiny pocket knife and SAW OFF THE SOLDIER’S HANDS FROM THE REST OF HIS BODY. It’s not even the amount of blood or gore that’s disturbing; it’s seeing a child having to endure and do such a thing that’s so messed up. See, one of the interesting things I love is seeing how characters interact or react to the world around them. In Simoun, the Sybillae are so used to the idea of war that hearing about people dying is nothing new for them but the idea of having to deal with a mouse is frightening. It’s the type of world where a kiss on the lips between women is so commonplace but Rotreamon cutting off her braids is more dramatic. If there’s a consequence to the proceedings it’s the characters. Don’t get me wrong; the characters aren’t ‘bad’ per say and a lot are very interesting and have interesting dynamics, such as the incestuous undertone of Kaim and Alti, the mechanic Waporif dealing with the idea of faith and technology, the class struggle between Roderamon and Mamina. Even Floe, the cute girl and comedic relief, doesn’t escape the world unscathed. It’s just that the world and the situations and the conflict are so interesting, that you start to notice that the characters are a bit on the stock type. (Then again, I think you need familiar stock types so you can digest some of the bigger concepts.) But our main pair, Neviril and Aer, are the center of the proceedings and it’s their relationship that nails it. You get the sense that Neviril and Aer are both locked in a sense of immaturity, albeit from different perspectives. Neviril is locked in the idea of being pure and being a priestess forever, even going so far as to not fly again once Amuria dies. Aer, meanwhile, is an impulsive hothead who wants to do nothing but fly, even at the cost of being an adolescence. But as the war rages on and the casualties of people they know and love start piling up, the two eventually find comfort in each other’s arms. It first seems like Aer is the stronger of the two only for her to completely break down when one death becomes one death too many. If Junji Nishimura’s direction and co-writing are what brings the characters alive, Toshihiko Sahashi’s music is what makes them transcendent. Every so often, he would incorporate pieces of church music, classical music and tango to make the dichotomy and juxtaposition of certain scenes blow you away. Yes, Tango.

Towards the latter half of the series, I noticed that the animation liked to use still shots with characters still talking. At first, I thought this was intentional by the showrunners. But, as I rewatched the series, it dawned on me that the animation budget was probably blown on the CGI battles and the rest of the team had to resort to cost saving techniques for the show. CAVEAT: Shows like Simoun do not get made every day. Directors and writers willing this bold of a risk to tell this dense of a tale should be rewarded. And yet for the same time, it’s not for the faint of heart. It’s not for the casual viewer. In some ways, it’s not even for anime fans. This is the anime version of 12 years a Slave as it provides a brutal, harsh and unflinching look at the world. Do you hate this show? No, because if I hated it, I’d simply write it off and say it’s a piece of crap just to be done with it. It’s not. If anything, Simoun is an ambitious anime made by well-intentioned people that for a lot of people is not going to resonate with them. And I’m not even throwing shade on religious viewers who have trouble digesting the heavier concepts. Even more progressive minded viewers are not going to sign on to a lot of the negative and just melancholy tones throughout the work. The work isn’t so much dark as say parts of Kannazuki or Mai Hime are as it is bleak. There’s a sense of melancholy in the air that just persists and there’s no getting rid of it with glimmers of hope scattered here and there. Why is recommending the anime so hard for you if you thought it was good? Because for a lot of people, a lot of the world building, concept provoking and issue debates are not what they wanted. Aside from the heavy themes and messages, a lot of the technical flaws do stick out. Neviril and other character designs were a bit off putting to me the first time I saw it, resembling more like dolls than usual anime characters. The CGI Simouns are interesting in concept (and I like the idea of rendering them in CG to show off how alien/foreign they are) but do show a dated look. And for some people, the slow (intentionally deliberate or not) pacing will drive them nuts.   I came upon Simoun as I was exploring Yuri anime and wanted to see, yes, anime girls kissing. What I got instead were thought provoking concepts that only changed my view but changed the views of people around me. Buying this show just to watch girls kissing each other is like, as Jeff Foxworthy said, buying a 747 just to eat the peanuts. Erica Friedman, writer of the blog Okazu Yuri, once said this show is not for the Lowest Common Denominator. And upon rewatching Simoun, I had the startling realization that not only was Friedman right but also that I was part of the Lowest Common Denominator. Simoun is more of a show that I admire and respect the hell of, than I actually like and the fault lies more because of me than what the show did. And for 23 USD with the amount of content AND the numerous special features including Director Commentary and cast interviews, this is truly a must buy! That ending shot gets me every time. Verdict: Buy it!

[the-firebird69]

this is what these dudes are all about and they run round killing each other now for days after his announcment about the Ripper, and the Scythe took a backseat now that is back..and really they are asses about it..forget who and what they are and lost it all due to that...and we may rip it out and only if we have to he says...the point is it works. and we try now and hard.  clear the areas again and again...and shortly the east and we suck tehm all down and they are ther e in nyc and proud boistrious idiots yelling htier plan and we take them down.  are asses now. yes.  and in mass they all die. tons to the chasm  adn they fall in fast.  tons.  and out all shortly tonight mabye all dragons they fly out fast and dont work to hard at first then eat up the mass s and tons.  and this is it they are working there and some see them a bit. are in fear...and we work but more happens holes here he ordered it and to her..she re ordered and up. and general who..and it is i Savage Oppress things in the way real ones.  damnit is true  and are  out..and we had fun took lives thiers adn tons. and they are at us cant stop us we are at the inlet at thet ip. and it goes wayd own at an angle...and to tampa yes...well no the middle...and we seeyou tampa then no.  ok lol...we can if and Thor says yes now the aer hienuos think its over and can be nasty. so we do and i will and yu thank me and say it is not for an enormous time, the war, no, and i know we are severly needed these are systems that are very hash adn we see this too...probably here.  oh boy..  and we see it now...and then they wil descend. a nd it is good we see it knew no it is really good we see why and you hear the strain..no not likethe tenenbaum but disciplined and fun...dangerous no safe. loving and caring and we do well now. and ok.  Savage Oppress say and she says more giving than we want no we love it ok love it...nice people even after hours..and loving. we work it is good we needed to talk he says and thinks on it...we work now Thor Freya orders come down and they say yes, open it up. we say we needed that badly.  our orders reaffiremed from you from Hera form Thor Freya and now we do it Olympus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VfG2tc5rBw

[royal-writer]

get wrecked I guess?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ???

“Say that to my face, you ugly fuck.”

The half-elf stepped closer. Jaw line shifting; the brown hues of his eyes dark and filled with fury. What should be graceful posture was more threatening as he leaned in close. With heights so similar, the tactic was less intimidating then he might have intended in hopes his shadow would befall her.

His face was red like a man having a stroke as he snarled, “Your kind isn’t welcome around here, twisted hellion fiend.”

“And what kind would that be?” Essätha sneered. “The kind that is far too intelligent for you to understand? Or maybe it’s the kind too pretty that you feel inadequate with your-”

She gestured at the man, an unpleasant curl of her lip. Who did he think he was fooling, with his thin hair pulled in a small tail low on the back of his head and powdered face? He wore nicer clothes and spotless shoes, but he was far from an interesting or attractive looking individual. A bit of a gut, a cruel and distasteful look in his face and lines around eyes that were obviously narrowed too often.

“Your race is a pimple on this planet,” the elfling accused. “And you will not speak to me, filth, unless it is to beg forgiveness for allowing your repugnant existence to continue being within my presence.”

Essätha allowed her fangs to peek out in a wide-toothed sadistic grin. Leaning back from the man, she gave a disinterested wave of her hand.

“I don’t bend the knee to lower, sniveling, cowardly, weaker people,” she sang, giving him a side eye. “Much as you seem the time to enjoy people groveling at your feet, kissing your gnarled toes and sucking your-”

She flinched as the man’s arm came up swiftly.

She had pushed her luck too far.

Instinctively, her eyes shut but the pain never came. Instead, a distinctive slapping sound echoed as she dared to crack open a single light brown eye.

A loud exhale rushed out of Amon’s chest. His arm extended, with the elf’s hand connected to his forearm.

Cursing, the elf went to pull his arm back in. Not quickly enough; as the Briarton lord twisted his own to grab tightly to the half-man (if you could call that a man at all). Pulling the individual’s arm to the side, with gloved fingers digging in so that deep grooves were pressed into flesh.

“Do. Not. Touch. Her.”

Each word was punctured like a knife. Raw and grating with rage.

The half-elf looked torn between his anger and his fear. He had the advantage, so he believed, against a woman. His build bulkier than hers, but much thinner than the man now leaning towards him.

He tried to take a step back, but Amon followed with a step forward of his own. His digits squeezing, making the tanned skin of the half-race begin to turn pale and white from the pressure as he cut off blood flow.

“Release me at onc-!”

“Raise a hand; speak another word, and I will make you regret it,” Amon warned in a thick tone.

The elf eyed him. His gaze following a shift in posture, growing weary as the lord placed a hand to his cloak to reveal the handle of a sword.

“Which limb do you find the most useful?” he continued in a threatening whisper, glimpsing the man’s right arm. “I could take a guess that you are right-handed.”

The elf attempted to tear his arm away, but found it impossible to do so.

“Let go of me-!”

“Apologize. Swear to leave the lady be, and I can arrange that.”

Defeated, the half-elf turned his eyes back to her. Unsettled, scared, and certainly very, very angry.

He dragged in a sharp breath, speaking in a rush on a tongue she didn’t understand: “*Aer mor tholia jhori shys-”

Both her own gasp and the elf’s came out strangled with shock. With a hand over her mouth, Essie looked from one man to the other as Amon released his arm to grab for the man’s throat. His eyes a blackened vortex of death; a cold and hateful storm.

His free hand yanked out his sword, drawing it threateningly up to the man’s face.

“M’lord Amon!” Essätha squealed with surprise, like a cold water dumped over her frame.

“That was very rude,” the lord breathed, almost gentle.

The elf choked, licking his lips as he attempted wheezing for air.

“You… un-underst-”

A cruel, almost delighted look etched into the Illiad heir’s expression.

“Elvish is second nature to me, **o mar shia-shalaer sharas.”

Shaking with her frayed nerves, Essätha placed a gentle hand to Amon’s bicep. Feeling the tension ebb in a small increment from her touch, though he did not remove his glaring eyes from the man.

“Amon,” gentle and persuasive, “Release the man.”

This time, his eyes moved to hers. Conflicted. Still glowering with his wrath. His fingers a threat upon the man’s esophagus as he gagged for air.

With an infuriated snarl, he flung the half-elf away from him, sliding his sword back into it’s sheath with a hiss of metal to metal.

“You should be grateful,” he sneered, placing a hand to Essie’s waist. “She spared your pigheaded ignorance from meeting a rather cruel fate.”

The half-elf spoke not a word. His hands to his neck, shaking all over. There were fingerprints visible against his skin. Bruising already working it’s way to an alarming depth of color over him; already appearing in dangerous blue-ish purple tones on his forearm.

He spat at Amon’s feet; the saliva tinged with blood as he whirled to spin away. Feet no longer gliding with confidence, but stumbling.

Essätha gripped her lover’s arm as he went to lurch forward.

“Leave him,” she warned softly.

Another exhale, no less furious than before.

“Bastard.”

Emitting a soft sigh, Essie leaned in to his warm side. Standing a little more on her tiptoes for both height and to make up the difference from his broad shoulders, she pressed a kiss to the scruff along his face.

“Watch that protective temper of yours, dear.”

Warm eyes darted down to meet hers. A grunt in his chest as Amon reached down for her hand, bringing it to his lips. They curved into a smile as he brushed a kiss against her knuckles. The same smile meeting his eyes as they twinkled endearingly.

“My apologies my lady,” he murmured against her skin. “I’ll… aim to do better next time.”

Snorting back giggles,  Essätha stepped in closer to his side. The delicious warm that ebbed of his body. Wrapping an arm around him, and then the other as he returned her hand to her in order to pull her close. Hands against her sides, drawing along her back to give her goosebumps as the edges of his cloak fanned partly against her.

“That was cute and you’re very sweet but I had the man handled,” she argued.

“I know you did, darling,” Amon agreed, a frown on his mouth as his eyebrows knitted together. “But I was hardly going to lay him lay a finger on you.”

“Soft-hearted gentleman,” she teased.

A gentle chuckle worked it’s way through his chest. Leaning in, Amon’s lips brushing her forehead lightly beneath strands of sideswept bangs.

Snickering with delight, Essie slipped her arms from around him to work her fingers over his face. Feeling his stubble and whiskers; some softer than others beneath her touch. He could use a trim, she mused as they stood there in a comfortable silence and warm embrace. Amon’s forehead pressing to hers, a quirked smile and dancing light in his eyes staring into hers.

Truth be told, she kinda liked the unexpected protectiveness. It was… heartfelt. A sentiment to how much he cared.

Humming thoughtfully in the back of her throat, her thumbs caressing the side of his face,  Essätha leaned in to brush a tender kiss against his oh-so-perfect mouth.

Oh how she loved every little bit of this man. So gentle and kind. Kissing her back just as tenderly, letting her lead him into a soft exploration of teeth and tongue and so many unspoken words of love. Like they were made for each other; not through destiny but through the careful shaping and molding of hands that worked to dull sharp edges. Completing each other’s holes by patching in pieces of themselves.

She could live like this, forever. Nestled into the peaceful shelter of his arms that felt of home.

All was safe here. She was safe here. Belonged here.

It made her lips smile into the kiss. A bit goofy; less dignified.

And he chuckled into her mouth, warm and rich, and it melted her heart.

This was fine.

This was… perfect.

(( * Eat shit, you filthy little worm- ))

(( ** You blue-balled bastard. ))

[gay-otlc]

To Love Unafraid (With An Ugly, Poisonous Heart)

Summary: Fintan was silent for a long time. Then he nodded and said, "The life of a pyrokinetic is a lonely one. It's hard to get close to people. When you do, it's too easy to hurt them. It's best to just isolate yourself from the good parts of society. If the council doesn't lock you up, you lock yourself up. I'm sorry you had to manifest this curse. I'm sorry you're turning into a monster like me."

(Or, Marella has OCD, and her intrusive thoughts feature hurting Biana.)

Word count: 3374

Content warnings: Wow, this is gonna be a long list. Um. Intrusive thoughts and depictions of OCD is the main one. Severe guilt and self loathing. Cursing. Fire and (imagined) death/murder. Mentions of suicidal thoughts and self harm. Generally disturbing. And yes, I did warn you that this would be fucked up.

Written for Marelliana week. Would probably fit under day two (nightmares) but also a free day. Whatever. It's all Marelliana. @marelliana-week

Read on AO3

Every time Marella looked into Biana's eyes a little too long, she thought she would catch on fire.

It wasn't her fault Biana was so... Biana. Were there really any words for how wonderful ae was? Beautiful, one could say, but that would barely cover it. Yes, Biana was so fucking beautiful, so beautiful it was unfair, with mahogany skin and a wide smile and stiff, dark hair with streaks of lavender. Marella had never been especially poetic, but she wanted to color Biana with adjectives and metaphors until the page reflected even a tenth of aer beauty.

She couldn't write that beautifully, though. She could only watch aer and think that if she could freeze time right then, she would be happy forever.

"You're staring again," Biana said, a hint of a laugh in aer voice.

"Sorry! You're just... you're just really pretty."

Ae looked down, cheeks turning pink. Sheepishly, ae scratched the back of aer neck. "Aww. Thanks. You're the sweetest."

Biana's lips are the sweetest. They'd only kissed a few times, and before then, Marella had thought nothing could taste better challah. She'd been proven wrong. At the thought, she noticed she'd been staring specifically at Biana's pink lips. She blushed harder, looking away. Until warm skin touched her hand, and wrapped fingers around hers. Marella looked back, surprised. Biana chuckled quietly, the prettiest smile on aer face. Marella brushed her thumb over aer knuckles, wondering how the hell she'd gotten so lucky as to date the princaess next to her.

And then the princaess burst into flames. Ae was a girl on fire, stunning. Ae looked like a phoenix, a mythical creature even for the elves. But aer face didn't look triumphant or majestic or beautiful. Just scared. And sad. Aer skin turned charred, angry red burns blistering across aer face. The girl Marella loved crumpled into ashes.

She blinked. Biana was back, alive, not on fire, beautiful as ever. But Marella couldn't appreciate aer beauty nearly as much, because the image of Biana burning was seared into her mind.

Do it. Do it. Burn aer. You know you want to.

Marella ripped her hand out of Biana's.

"Love? You alright?"

Deep breaths forced their way out of Marella's lungs. She clenched her fists so hard her nails painfully dug into her palms. "Yeah," she choked. "Don't feel well."

"Oh." Biana gave her a sympathetic look, and she squeezed her fists tighter. She didn't deserve Biana's sympathy. "Do you want me to get you anything?"

Let aer stay. Talk to aer. Don't push aer away.

"No," she replied forcefully; half a scream, half a sob. Hurt flashed across Biana's face, and Marella somehow felt even guiltier. If she could snap at aer like that, what would stopping her from getting just angry enough to really snap and... well... see the scared, sad, girl on fire once again. She took a deep breath, feeling tears rise to her eyes. She looked away. "No, I think I'm just going to lie down. Thanks, though."

"Okay." Biana still looked worried. If she could have, she would have comforted aer. But she didn't know exactly how to explain I'm not sick, I don't have some life threatening disease, I'm just getting horrible visions of murdering you and I'd prefer not to let those visions become reality, because I couldn't stand to lose you, and I don't think I could be responsible for that without burning away my ugly heart and soul as well.

Once Biana tore aer gaze away from the mess that ae had the misfortune to love, and light leaped away, Marella let herself crumble. She didn't even wait to get up to her room and hide under her blankets. Just let her knees collapse as she sank to the grassy yard in front of her house. Her shoulders shook with sobs. It felt like she would explode with anger and guilt and fear, and if she wasn't careful, the fire that exploded out of her would burn everything else in her life as well. All the things she cared about.

(Biana Vacker.)

She'd had thoughts like this before. Attacking people she was close to. Usually physically, but sometimes verbally. Still, that was all before she manifested. The worst she had ever thought about doing to anyone would have left a few bruises. Not like this.

Not a pile of ashes where a girl used to be.

When she was a kid, she'd been confident that her mother's accident was her fault, that she was the one to push Caprise Redek. She needed constant reassurance that she had been in a completely different room of the house at the time, that she couldn't possibly be responsible. Her dad thought it was a grief response, the guilt, the nightmares with false memories.

It could have been, if it was just a one off. But lately, Marella had begun to think there was some sort of monster living in her brain, whispering these horrible thoughts. Trying to convince her to carry out its wicked instructions. She would beat her head trying to force it out.

That didn't work, of course. And ever since Marella manifested, it felt like the monster was on fire. Bigger. More powerful. The monster was just an entity of flames, wanting to burn anything and everything that had the misfortune to be in Marella's path.

Sometimes Marella thought she was the monster.

And monsters didn't deserve to collapse on the front lawn crying, mourning the girl she used to be, who wasn't a danger to everyone around her. The girl she could have been, if she was just a little less twisted.

Glaring, jaw clenched, she stood up and swiped an arm across her face. She screamed as loudly as she could, trying to force the monster and the fire and all the poison out of her. Then she took a deep breath. She needed to talk to someone about this, because the secret, or the monster, or both, would eat her from the inside if she didn't let some of it out. Obviously, she couldn't tell Biana. Nor her dad- he didn't need to be more worried about her than he already was. Nor any of her friends, they had a hard enough time trusting her already.

Marella needed advice from someone who was just as dark and twisted as she was, so she could escape all the judgement. Someone who knew about monsters. And fire.

She needed advice from Fintan.

Reluctantly, she took out the leaping crystal that directed her to her much-dreaded training sessions with Fintan. Once the world materialized around her, she shivered. I'm never going to get used to the cold here.

Maybe it'll freeze out the monster.

Don't be ridiculous. The monster will never leave. The monster is you. The monster won't die unless you die.

Then maybe it would be best if-

"Marella?" Fintan's raspy voice said, interrupting Marella's spiral of thoughts swirling down the drain, slowly disappearing just like any goodness, or sanity, she had. "What are you doing here?"

"I-" Marella swallowed. "I didn't have anywhere else to go."

"What about your girlfriend's house?" Fintan asked, smirking a little. Marella really hadn't done a very good job of hiding that.

"I can't go to her. I'm too dangerous to be around her. If she's too close to me, she'll get hurt."

"Because you're a pyrokinetic?"

"Because I'm a monster."

"Please. If you were a 'monster', you wouldn't resist every time I suggested you join the Neverseen. You're disgustingly concerned with morals."

The words spilled out before Marella could stop them. "I'm also disgustingly obsessed with burning the love of my life to a pile of ashes!" Fintan stayed silent, and for a heartbeat, Marella thought, This is it. She was such a monster she even horrified Fintan. But her mouth kept talking, and her heart kept bleeding. "There's a monster in my head, that tells me to do really horrible things, like- like kill Biana, set her on fire until she can't survive me, and the more it goes on, the more I realize I'm the monster, it's my own actions. The monster tells me I want to do those things, and why would I think it if I didn't want to carry it out?"

"Do you want to hurt Biana?" Fintan asked, his voice calm and collected as ever. What a dickhead.

"I don't know!" Marella screamed, spinning around to punch the wall. Her knuckles split apart, droplets of blood appearing on them. "Part of me, part of me loves her more than anything else, can't stand to see her in even the least bit of pain. And the other part wants her to burn. And I don't know which part is real, or how to stop the second part. All I know is I can't be around her. I'm too dangerous."

Fintan was silent for a long time. Then he nodded and said, "The life of a pyrokinetic is a lonely one. It's hard to get close to people. When you do, it's too easy to hurt them. It's best to just isolate yourself from the good parts of society. If the council doesn't lock you up, you lock yourself up. I'm sorry you had to manifest this curse. I'm sorry you're turning into a monster like me."

"I'm sorry too," said Marella, not quite knowing what she was apologizing for. And then she ran.

Where was she running to? She didn't know that. Just... away.

When she finally had to take a breath to catch her breath, calves burning and lungs aching, it finally occurred to her. Where the pyrokinetic monsters had to go. The only place in the world that the world could possibly be safe from her. She'd considered the Forbidden Cities, midway through her run, so she wouldn't hurt anyone she knew and cared about... but she could kill humans, and that was still monstrous. Same with any cities for the other intelligent species. If she was around people- any people- they'd be in danger.

Exile. She had to go to Exile. A place meant to keep the rest of the world safe from her.

But how the fuck do I get there?

Marella screamed. No one was allowed to hear her. She screamed, because she was so damn close to keeping everyone she loved safe, and at this last step she couldn't make it. How the fuck did she get to Exile? Did she turn herself in to the Council, have a tribunal? Would they lock her up? They fucking should. The Council had thrown innocent elves into Exile, they wouldn't mind banishing a Pyrokinetic with a fucked up brain.

To Eternalia, she supposed, since she didn't have many other options.

She leaped there, starting heading towards the Councillor's castle, barely able to focus on anything around her other than the screaming in her head and the thunderous beating of her ugly, poisoned heart. Which is how she didn't notice that there was a person right in her path... and how she managed to bump into them.

Aer.

Biana.

"Hey, watch where- Marella? Love? Are you alright?"

Just her luck, the person she needed to stay away from. "What are you doing here?" Marella blurted, before she could really think about it. It sounded harsh, and she saw the hurt flash across Biana's face.

Ae recovered quickly. "I was getting some work done for Team Valiant, since we weren't together; it's too hard to do it around you, your pretty face always distracts me." Under aer breath, ae mumbled something that sounded like Biana, you disastaer queer.

Normally, Marella was happy to laugh about being a disaster queer- a concept she was well acquainted with, but that was drowned out by the fact that Biana was still affectionate with her. Still found her pretty, wanted to date her, just as in love as ae was before. Why wouldn't ae be? Ae didn't know. But ae needed to know- it wasn't fair to keep lying to Biana, manipulate aer into thinking aer girlfriend was a good person.

"We need to break up," said the words spilling out of Marella's mouth. In horror, she watched as Biana's face fell, looking like slow motion. She could see the heartbreak dawn on aer, moment by moment.

Aer brown eyes filling with tears, ae whispered "Marella?"

"I- you can't- we- I need to go to Exile," Marella said. "We can't date if I'm in Exile."

"Why the fuck would you need to go to Exile? The fuck did you do?"

"Nothing yet. I'd like to keep it that way. Which is why I can't see you again."

"You're not making any sense, Marella!" The tears spilled onto aer cheeks, and whatever was left of Marella's ugly heart broke.

She didn't want to tell Biana. She really, really didn't want to look Biana in the eye and explain that she fantasized about killing aer. She would rather be anywhere else- preferably Exile- but Biana had a right to know why Marella was breaking up with aer. So she swallowed. "I... I get these thoughts," she started, not quite knowing how to verbalize this secret she'd kept so close to her forever. "About... hurting people. Hurting you. Earlier today, right before I left, I thought about killing you. Burning you. It was really vivid... I could see you on fire, looking so scared of me, before you turned to ashes and smoke. And then my brain whispered..."

Marella broke off into a sob, not daring to look at Biana's face. Ae probably hated her now. Ae hated herself too.

"It whispered, 'Do it. Burn aer. I know you want to.' I'm so fucked up, Biana, I'm too dangerous to be around you. Please just leave before you get hurt. I don't want to hurt you, but this monster that lives in my head wants me to. Or maybe the monster is me, it's all so fucked up, but I don't want to let the monster win, whatever it is. Protect yourself. Don't let it win."

"Marella..."

"Biana, please don't let it win! It would kill me to see you die, know it was all my fault... my heart's full of poison and seeing you die would still break it. I love you, I love you more than anything, which is why I have to keep you safe. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She turned away, almost crying too hard to speak. "I'm sorry. I'll just... I'll go."

Cold fingers wrapped around her wrist. "Not a chance in hell," snapped Biana, whirling Marella back around. "Don't you dare push me away. I am your girlfriend, and I call the shots on whether or not you're too dangerous to be around me. And the only danger you pose is trying to make my head explode from gay panic."

"Hello!? And also burning you!" Why the fuck couldn't ae understand? Ae needed to get away.

"I'll carry around a damn fire extinguisher, I don't care. I'm perfectly capable of handling myself in life or death situations. I've survived the Neverseen a million times over, I can survive the off chance that you lose control and set me on fire. I'll take precautions and I'll be ready to defend myself if I need to, but I don't think I'm going to need to."

"You don't know that! You don't know how horrible I am!" Marella couldn't stop screaming. She wasn't angry at Biana. Just angry at herself. Angry at the monster. Just... angry. She needed to stop before she set anything on fire. Monster.

"No, I don't know for sure that you'll never hurt me. But I know that I love you. I'm not going to stop loving you just because you're a flawed package. It's not like I'm little miss perfect or anything. We can be fucked up together."

"You're not perfect, but you're damn well closer than I am! Even Fintan thought I was fucked up. Fintan. I love you, Biana, I do, but my heart's too ugly and poisonous to be in love like we are. I just need to cut our ties and hope the pain from missing you goes away eventually."

"I love you, you fucking idiot!" Biana shouted. "I love you, because you're Marella fucking Redek, and you make me want to freeze time and be happy with you forever. I love you so much that it feels like burning any time I think of life without you in it. I love you so much that it feels like my world is a little bit off-kilter and then I kiss you and that's the only time everything feels right. I love you because you've been with me through all the shit in my life and made me smile through it all, so now it's my turn to help you with your shit. I love you so, so much, and I love everything about you. Even the flaws. Even the monster. I wish I could tell the monster to stay away from my Marella, but I can't, so I'm going to tell Marella to stop being so hard on my Marella. I love her, and she's not as bad as she thinks she is. She's not bad at all. I love everything about you, Marella, but I can't love you the way I want to if you keep pushing me away. So we'll be in love, and then we'll also have my scars and your monster and all our history with the Neverseen, but we'll love each other through it all. I need you to understand that I love you, you fucking idiot." Biana's eyes were wild with desperation. Ae exhaled heavily, giving Marella a pleading look.

"I love you," whispered Marella. It was all she could say before collapsing into a hug, crying. "I love you. I'm so sorry I tried to leave. You're the best. I love you."

"I want you to love yourself almost as much as I love you. You deserve it."

Maybe Marella would believe that, eventually. Maybe she'd get there.

She was still broken; how could she not be, with a monster living in her head? A little bit burnt, a little damaged, a little horrible. But she kept living. (Biana stayed alive and un-burnt too, to Marella's delighted surprise.) Her ugly, poisonous heart kept beating.

Elwin gave her a little pill to help keep the monster quiet, help keep her from freaking out so much every time the monster reared its fiery head. She eventually got to a point where she could make little fires with her hand and not spiral into a panic. Biana held her other hand as Marella lit the Hanukkah candles herself, and she was a bit scared, but it melted away with the laughter and latkes and warm lighting. It was hard not to push aer away; hard to keep herself from running away.

But Marella did it, because she loved Biana. And she loved herself, just a little bit. And she tolerated the monster. So she kept going, and she allowed herself to love Biana. To love unafraid, with an ugly, poisonous heart.

[misty-reeyus]

Excavation

for @talesfemslashweek > Day 5: Tragedy

judith/rita, a moment of mourning atop the shrine of zaude, ~1.5k words.

There’s no point in crying.

That’s what Rita keeps telling herself, as she steps foot onto the top platform of the Shrine of Zaude. There’s no point in crying, even if this is where it all happened, even if this is where Yuri probably fell into the ocean. There’s no point in crying, even if his body could very well be buried somewhere in the undersea rubble beneath her feet.

There’s no point in crying, even if this might be the very spot where Yuri drew his last breath.

Not that Rita is wholly convinced that it was his last breath. She knows Yuri, so she knows a stubborn idiot like him wouldn’t be killed so easily. But Imperial ships scoured those waters for days before they were finally called off, and the search party formed by Yuri’s friends checked out all the surrounding ports for several days more. No dice.

Anxiety creeps up Rita’s throat all over again, and her hands clench into fists.

“Rita, are you okay?”

Judith’s voice comes from just behind her, and Rita sharply glances back at her companion, who stares back with lightly pursed lips. Judith brought her here with Ba’ul’s help and then insisted on accompanying Rita inside---and for what it’s worth, Rita does appreciate the help. Judith has been taking care of all the stuff unrelated to actual studying: defeating any monsters that lingered around, blasting away any large pieces of debris in their path, redoing puzzles as needed to facilitate their climb back up the ruins.

Starting from the bottom and making their way to the top, Judith’s assistance has allowed Rita plenty of opportunity to explore the whole structure, to analyze this entire humongous blastia and try and work out its many complicated codes. But Rita can’t help but notice a certain edge to Judith’s actions that seems almost...overzealous. Like she’s trying to do everything, when Rita could easily calibrate a puzzle or fireball an enemy to death by herself.

It’s been bugging her a little.

“I’m fine,” Rita manages, swallowing hard, shifting her gaze to the towering green core that remains smashed into the platform here. “I just need to get to work.”

Carefully, she sidesteps all the rubble to approach the core: the humongous, heavy stone that was apparently too dangerous and too difficult for the Knights to move. Reportedly, though, they were able to extract Alexei’s remains from where he was crushed beneath this thing---so he’s definitely dead, and good fucking riddance. It’s that spiteful satisfaction in the knowledge that the bastard is well and truly gone that gives Rita the final push she needs, starting up the formula panel and letting her fingers trail over code.

This is the control center of the whole shrine, and finally, Rita has it all to herself. She lets her magic resonate with the core, and then watches the panel blink its data back at her: put the efficiency ratio in reverse, adjust the stabilization factor, create the requisite connection. Rita hates to admit it, but the manipulations of the formula are genius. Alexei really knew what he was doing.

...Damn it, Alexei.

Rita can can feel him now. She can feel Alexei’s handiwork beneath her palms, far clearer here than anywhere else in the building. His adjustments to the code, his maneuvering of the aer flow, his disgusting ideals and goals and whatever the hell he was actually trying to accomplish by awakening this entire shrine. Rita closes her eyes to try and gather herself, but when she does, all she can see is his smug face as they fought, all she can think about is how he took Estelle and hurt her, hurt them all, ruined them all in ways that still won’t stop even now that he’s dead.

Gods, Rita wants to punch him. She wants to strangle him. She wants to utterly maul him for letting himself die to a falling rock before she and her friends could kill him themselves---!

...Oh, crap, she’s shaking.

Rita bites her lip and clenches her eyes shut even as she feels the tears already brimming. Dammit, she really thought she could handle this; she was doing just fine downstairs. But now that she’s here, directly working on the core, in the very spot where Yuri may or may not have met his end---it’s just too much. Her voice dwindles to a trembling hiccup but Rita determinedly fights back the flood, because dammit, there’s no point in crying, and dammit, Rita has already cried so damn much these past couple weeks...

“Rita, hey!” A hand clasps around her shoulder and tugs her around, breaking Rita’s concentration and sending the first flush of tears rolling down her cheeks. Through the humiliation, Rita glares daggers at Judith, who merely stares back for a moment before she starts rummaging through her bag. “I’ll get you some water---”

“Stop that!” Rita shouts, lashing out before she can even think to stop herself. “I told you already, I’m fine! I’m not some helpless little kid who needs to be doted on all the time!”

“That’s not what I...” Judith trails off, blinks once, twice, thrice, before her shoulders visibly droop. “I’m sorry. It’s not like I think you’re helpless.”

“No?” Rita scoffs, wiping furiously at her still leaking eyes. “So what is it like?”

“I...I just want to do something. Anything. Because if I don’t...” Judith glances down. “If I don’t keep my mind occupied, I start remembering what happened here. And then I go back to worrying about Yuri. And then I keep imagining the worst even though I know that doesn’t help anyone. So I...” Judith pauses, takes a deep breath before meeting Rita’s gaze again. “I just need to get my mind off of things. So I want to help in whatever way I can.”

...Oh.

“Judith, I...” Rita trails off, unsure what she could possibly say as she gazes into deep violet eyes, so forlorn and sad and lost looking that Rita sees herself reflected in them.

“I don’t want to lose him, Rita,” Judith continues, voice soft and solemn. “And I don’t want to think this, but I’m starting to believe we already hav---”

Rita launches forward before she can help herself, cutting Judith off by throwing her arms around her waist, sinking her own wet face into Judith’s chest as she finally lets herself heave with grief. Judith freezes up for several seconds before suddenly, she sinks to her knees---not from the added weight, Rita doesn’t think, but simply from sheer emotion. As if she’s been waiting for an excuse to get down on her knees.

Judith buries her face in Rita’s shoulder in turn, and reaches her arms around Rita’s back, squeezing her so tight that Rita can actually feel Judith’s body trembling against her. Judith doesn’t cry like Rita does, her eyes don’t wet with tears, but Rita realizes in an instant that it’s not because she isn’t sad. She may not show it very well, but Rita can tell now that Judith is just as torn up about Yuri’s disappearance as Rita is.

After all, he was one of them.

So they hold each other, both kneeling there on the top of Zaude, mourning against each other and relishing each other’s warmth until finally, Rita feels steady enough to pull away. She flushes sheepishly as Judith’s eyes follow her, then fiddles with her now wet bangs as she mumbles, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Judith breathes, her lips curling slightly upwards. “I think I needed that.”

Slowly, Rita returns the smile. “Yeah. Me too.”

Judith stares back at her for a while longer before she glances up at the sky, and Rita follows her gaze towards the creepy dark tentacles of goop that stretch over them.

“...Look,” Rita finally voices, as they both look down from the sky to lock eyes with each other. “However things turns out with Yuri, it doesn’t change that we have to keep going. I mean, there’s a humongous monster in the sky waiting to destroy us all! Even if we have lost him, he would want us to fight.”

“Agreed.” Judith nods. “Like I said, I’ll do anything I can to help.”

Rita bites her lip. With a flick of her finger, she reopens the formula panel.

“In that case, could you just...stay here with me?” Rita does her best to suppress the heat she can feel rushing to her cheeks. “M-maybe gimme a back rub while I do this? After everything that’s happened, I could use one.”

Judith smiles before shifting around, and Rita exhales slowly as hands settle against her nape. Already, Rita seems to melt beneath that touch, beneath the assurance and safety and warmth.

“Yeah,” Judith says, and begins kneading her knuckles firmly, wonderfully into the flesh between neck and shoulder. “I can manage that.”

[reddirtramblings]

Most of Oklahoma got rain night before last. The rain-soaked garden woke up yesterday morning to singing birds, crawling caterpillars and me stalking it with my camera. There is nothing more pleasurable than spring in an Oklahoma garden, except, maybe fall, but spring is being extra good to us this year.

I almost always approach the back garden from the French doors leading out onto my deck. I’m getting ready to skip down the stairs and out onto the gravel paths. This week I got all of my pots planted except one that held a blueberry bush. I was waiting to see if it was alive. Blueberries often go dormant here, but it definitely looks dead. I’ll replace it with something from Bustani Plant Farm on Monday.

[bctt tweet=”Rain in Oklahoma is cause for celebration, and it looks like we’re in a stormy pattern for the next week or so. We need those spring rains to ready the garden for our hot and dry summer. So far, so good.” username=”reddirtramblin”]

Rain in Oklahoma is cause for celebration, and it looks like we’re in a stormy pattern for the next week or so. We need those spring rains to ready the garden for our hot and dry summer. So far, so good.

[Click on photos in the galleries to make them larger.]

Rain drenched ‘Carefree Beauty’ rose. This Dr. Griffith Buck rose is the first one of his I ever grew. It is still one of his best. It is also sold as ‘Katy Road Pink’ because it was found on Katy Road in Texas.

‘Grace’ smokebush in the back garden. I’m standing in the middle of the back garden and taking the photo from there.

Swizzle Cherry and Ivory zinnias are blooming their little heads off. I just love zinnias of all types.

Pink and yellow columbine I planted last year? Don’t remember the name.

‘Carefree Beauty’ rose blooming so well so early.

‘Fireworks’ clematis growing against the split-rail fence.

Come with me through my back garden gate.

Let’s chat about garden chores and what to do now. I’m also linking this post to Garden Bloggers Bloom Day hosted by Carol Michel at May Dreams Gardens.

‘Intenz’ celosia which is one of my favorites will grow quite a bit larger filling part of this space. It blooms all summer and is tropical meaning it’s not perennial and won’t come back. Isn’t that black pipe ugly in back? I better cover it up with a grass. Oh wait! I did.

So, what to do now? You can plant almost anything you want. I’m going to do another post on Monday after I get back from Bustani Plant Farm–if I get the chance–and give you a plant list of reliable garden performers. There’s really no worry of freezes unless something weird happens.

I’ve been watching the weather closely. I think we’re out of danger even though we’ve had a freeze as late as May 1 once. However, that was a really cool spring, and we’re not having one of those this year. In fact, the weather has been nearly perfect.

New foliage on Rosa ‘South Africa’ against the variegated leaves of Aer palmatum ‘Peaches and Cream’ Japanese maple. I do love Japanese maples and plant them every chance I get. They are so delicate in form and are easy to grow in the right spot with fertile soil. The east side of the house is the best place. Peaches and Cream is located in the flower border next to the garage. The leaves turn the most scrumptious orange and white in fall. ‘South Africa’ rose is a very hardy Hybrid Tea that blooms yellow.

So, plant with abandon! I have.

Mulch with something biodegradable like shredded bark, shredded leaves or compost, although compost will degrade into the soil faster than the other two options.

Pull weeds or use a weeder like the CobraHead Weeder and Cultivator. I’m also a huge fan of the DeWit Right Hand Dutch Hand Hoe. You need to get ahead of the weeds before they get too large.

If you haven’t already, lay soaker hoses and put them on timers. Also, hook up your containers to a simple drip irrigation kit like Raindrip R560DP Automatic Container and Hanging Baskets Kit. It is similar to mine. Hook all systems up to timers, and your garden watering is mostly worry free.

Burn off weeds in gravel paths, or if you’re not organic you can spray with one of the weed killers. You can also use natural sprays, but my experience is they only do top kill and don’t get the roots. However, you will damage them enough that when the sun gets fierce, many weeds still dry up and blow away.

Plant shrubs, including roses, and trees, but make sure they have consistent water to get established.

Plant tomatoes, peppers, and eggplant along with other hot weather plants. Plant all of your herbs now too, including basil, parsley, and others. It’s probably too late for cilantro which bolts at the first opportunity. For salsa, I just buy cilantro at the store. You can buy great transplants at many of our nurseries and even the box stores. I’m growing several new tomatoes and peppers this year that I started from seed. I’ll detail my selections in another post.

Bill, my son, Brennan, and I are building raised beds this weekend. This time we decided to buy corners to make our lives easier. With corners, you can place the boards into the corners and voila! You have raised beds. We’re putting the raised beds where my tilled garden was the last couple of years. I’ll grow more vegetables and cutting garden flowers in this spot. We may add more beds in the future, but are only doing three for now. I’ll post about the raised beds next week and get pictures for you this weekend.

Boards for the raised beds all ready to be placed in the corners.

Where the raised beds will go.

Potager planted and cedar mulch for the gardens.

I have our regional daylily garden tour in June so I’m buying plant tags and such to identify everyone. It’s a must for daylily enthusiasts. I hope I figure out the i.d. on all of my plants before visitors arrive. I may need some “Unknown” tags for oldie goldies I love, but no longer remember their names. My garden is really about what looks good with daylilies. Although I have many daylily plants, I’m not a true collector anymore. I like so many plants.

A closeup of ‘Major Wheeler’ honeysuckle. It makes a good substitute for the ‘New Dawn’ roses that were the first casualty of Rose Rosette Disease. Plus, I don’t have to prune it much.

The lower part of the back garden has four long beds that were once vegetable beds. This OSO Easy Paprika rose, which was a trial plant, sits in the second bed from the left. It is a rock-solid beautiful rose that blooms all summer with some deadheading. I use shears.

In the same bed, ‘Purple Smoke’ baptisia sits next to ‘Orange Rocket’ barberry. I love purple and orange together.

Above, we’re down in the bottom of the back garden again. The back garden is, by far, my favorite part. I love the back garden because it’s mature and mostly takes care of itself once I get everything cut back in early spring. I weed it, plant a few annuals/tropical for more color, and then let it do its thing. I don’t even need to do much pruning because I no longer have many roses back here. I do have one ‘Belinda’s Dream’ rose, but that’s about all. Most succumbed to Rose Rosette Disease, but that gave me new opportunities especially on the arbors. I tried several plants to replace my climbing roses, but found I love orange ‘Major Wheeler’ coral honeysuckle on the back arbor. [See the photos above.]

In the middle portion of the back garden is another arbor. It was my first arbor, and this is one of the original parts of the garden planted over twenty-five years ago. Once upon a time, I had ‘Cl. Old Blush’ on this arbor, but it also died so I planted ‘Tangerine Beauty’ crossvine and ‘Dropmore Scarlet’ coral honeysuckle. Please don’t confuse crossvine with trumpet vine. They are different plants. Crossvine is native, and trumpet vine is invasive. I caused quite a stir on Instagram and Facebook last week when I posted an afternoon photo of crossvine. People asked me where to buy it. Well, last week, I saw five plants of ‘Tangerine Beauty’ at TLC Nursery. I wonder if they had a run on the plants yet. Maybe they still have some. It is beautiful and beneficial to hummingbirds and an early pollinator nectar source.

[bctt tweet=”Please don’t confuse crossvine with trumpet vine. They are different plants. Crossvine is native, and trumpet vine is invasive. ” username=”reddirtramblin”]

‘Tangerine Beauty’ crossvine with ‘Dropmore Scarlet’ coral honeysuckle are on another arbor in the middle of the garden. Next to them I planted ‘Blonde Ambition’ grama grass.

Bignonia capreolata ‘Tangerine Beauty’ crossvine. This vine is native to Oklahoma, Texas and much of the South, and shouldn’t be confused with trumpet vine which is invasive. This photo wasn’t enhanced, but the morning sun was shining on the blooms so they are very bright.

Another view of ‘Tangerine Beauty’ crossvine with ‘Dropmore Scarlet’ honeysuckle.

  ‘Dropmore Scarlet’ is a well-behaved honeysuckle that would make a great vine for any garden. I find American honeysuckles very easy to grow. The only thing they lack is fragrance, and you can plant other fragrant plants. Whatever you do, don’t plant Japanese honeysuckle. I have been trying to eradicate the start Bill brought over from his mother’s garden for nearly thirty years. I still have it in two corners of the garden, and yes, I used brush killer on it even though I hate using chemicals.

[bctt tweet=”Whatever you do, don’t plant Japanese honeysuckle. I have been trying to eradicate the start Bill brought over from his mother’s garden for nearly thirty years.” username=”reddirtramblin”]

Because we’ve had rain and nearly perfect temperatures this spring, the shade gardens are showing off. I believe the single-flowering Japanese kerria is one of my best easy-care plants. I’ve given tons of it away over the years, and my first plant was from Wanda Faller. Wanda also gave me my maidenhair fern and ‘Annabelle.’ These are the backbones of my shade gardens.

However, this year, my old hostas look splendid. I couldn’t ask for better foliage. I place pecan hulls around my hostas to discourage slugs. In Oklahoma, we don’t have as many slug problems as some other gardeners, but in spring, when it’s wet, we do see the little slimy boogers. I hate them. They hate pecan hulls and eggshells. I enjoy the thought that they are in pain as they slide across these sharp objects.

Yeah, I’m mean like that.

As for hostas, I don’t often recommend them for central Oklahoma. Tulsa gardeners grow beautiful hostas, but they often get more rain and have more shelter than we do because of their rolling hills. However, if you find hostas with substantial leaves, they will often perform well even in central Oklahoma in the shade, especially the blue-green ones. Even the less substantial ones are happy this spring and last, and for the first time, ‘Empress Wu’ is looking really good. She’s substantial, but slow growing in my garden.

Shade garden on the other side of the back garden is looking good this year.

Single-blooming Japanese kerria in the shade garden on one side of the back garden.

Old hostas in one of the shade gardens.

We are replacing the split-rail fence around the back garden soon because it is wearing out again. We removed the chicken wire and will replace it with flat fence panels. It will be much easier to maintain.

Ok, with that, I’m going to leave you. I want to go outside and do a little mulching while the weather is cool and rainy. Blue skies this afternoon make this red-dirt girl happy. What’s blooming in your garden this fine spring day?

Rain-soaked garden Most of Oklahoma got rain night before last. The rain-soaked garden woke up yesterday morning to singing birds, crawling caterpillars and me stalking it with my camera.

[the-firebird69]

what you see is the possible future assasination of Mac daddy. and by bja he is a killer. and he is infirm.  mac is responsible for the purge and holocaust now on. and leeds it.  he says in a whisper he calls our Son his Son...and lies no.  he does and helps him yes on occasion unlike bja who took Daniels character to hit mac as himself announcing it daily to wither his to those who can act to suicidal acts.  he is an evil person not a genius but smart.  and dangerous.  we hit him very hard today he hardly winced.  we shall redoulbe our efforts. kll his off and yes visit dc and in a combined unit form to rape it fully aer in today and went gangbusters pulled it all out, national archives are empty.  tons of data is there.  we took it all and more tonight.  we shall not be made fun of or lose esecially to your dog bja. he is a dog.  and further you may die thinking it works but your men tell you you are hurt we are due to him it is purely psychological and he watns that and you will be hit hard, bja will be gone.  a terror erased Thor Freya

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9PTxztXQLM