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#we had a month to do all of these assignments
reluctant-sissies · 2 days
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Article from The Special Place Magazine - April 2024
Customer Check-in
Our regular column catching up with previous customers who've used Special Place services to convert their 'loved ones' into adorable baby girls! This month we met up with Angela, who used the Special Place to re-assign not one but two of her ex-boyfriends. We interviewed Angela and also her two special charges.
SPM: Hi Angela! So you first came to the Special Place a couple of years ago with your then-boyfriend Bobby. What made you come back with your new boyfriend Tommy?
Angela: Oh it was boredom mostly. I'd had a couple of years with Bobby as my full-time baby girl and I'd run out of new ways to embarrass him. I mean, that's what I live for, right? It's just such a turn-on, thinking up now ways to make him feel super blushy and humiliated by the ridiculously baby-girlish things he had to do. But there's only so many diaper-changes in the park and stuff before it get's boring, you know? Plus looking after a baby girl full time is hard work! So when my new boyfriend Tommy broke up with me, I saw an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. Find new super-humiliating things for Bobby, get revenge on Tommy and get a relief from being a mommy all the time! Oh wait, is that three birds?
SPM: So what was the plan exactly?
Angela: Well first I got the Special Place to give Tommy the standard baby girl conversion. You know, diaper dependence, silly baby girl voice, the regular stuff? And then, Bobby got his second turn in the Clinic... the mommy conversion!
SPM: Hence the huge boobs! But still diapered?
Angela: Of course! That potty training ain't never coming back. And the boobs aren't just for show. The Clinic gave him a fully working permanently milky pair of mommy udders! They have to be drained several times a day or he feels, like, incredibly uncomfortable. And here's the really clever bit that the Special Place did for me... Tommy's tummy has been altered to allow him to only be able to digest one thing... Bobby's milk!
SPM: It's quite a trick! The guys down in conversion were really pleased they got that one to work!
Angela: Yep, and it means while I still have a baby girl to look after, I have a full-time wet-nurse and 'mommy' to help.
SPM: How does it feel to be a 'mommy', Bobby? What does a typical day look like for you now?
Bobby: Um, well I have to get up early to change my own diaper, and put on my makeup, then I express my first half-litre of milk with the pump...
SPM: You pump? Doesn't Tommy drink it from source?
Angela: Yes but Bobby makes so much he has extra, and it hurts when your udders fill up doesn't it precious?
Bobby: (Blushing furiously) Yes... then I wake up Tommy and rest him on my lap and he... gets a good latch.
SPM: A latch?
Angela: It's what it's called when a baby makes a nice connection to his mommy's nipple! They look so cute together!
SPM: Wonderful! And you Tommy, how does it feel getting all your sustenance from Bobby? Is it strange being the baby girl of a mommy that's also a baby girl and also used to be a boy? Didn't you also used to be buddies when you were boys?
[Tommy starts to silently sniffle.]
Angela: Oh dear, looks like Tommy's finding it all a bit overwhelming!
SPM: Someone's probably hungry! Well I'll leave you two to sort yourselves out for supper. Hope you get a good latch Tommy!
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krulersblog · 10 hours
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The frat found out about your little (big) thing for feet. You know you should run cause you've seen them turn people into objects before. Its no joke, you've seen other frat bros reduced to slides or jockstraps after loosing a bet, or hookups turned into dick meat. Apart of you wants to run and hide to try and keep your humanity, but the stronger part of you can't wait to exist as nothing but a sock for one of them.
Kyle is the first on the couch. He's holding what used to be your best friend in his hand, figures he would have blabbed about your foot fetish to the frat. Then, on his other foot already was some professor who gave him an F on an assignment. So all the spots for his socks had been taken, but he is still looking for some new cleats as his old ones, who used to be another frat member, were wearing thin. So he assured you you'd love a new life on his disgusting feet during all his baseball practices and games.
Connor was the second on the couch. His feet were the biggest. You've smelt them before once during a party, and man, you could imagine being surrounded by that strong musk forever. His socks always wear away the fastest, usually within a month they are reduced to thin peices of fabic covered in sweat, musk, and holes. His last pair was just two guys he saw on the street. You watched him snap his fingers without any hesitation and boom, those two guys were just socks. It was the hottest thing you've ever seen.
James is the third on the couch. He's the stoner of the group, but my god do his feet get sweaty. He just stays in for the most part and gets high, but he never changes his socks, he'll wear one pair for weeks on end. The longest he's gone wearing a pair has been 2 months. Of course that was his last foot slave though. Some guy he met on some app. James like to take his time transforming guys. Making them so horny for his feet, teasing them with his feet and about their fetish for them. Then he slowly takes their humanity until they are just a nice warm sock around his foot. Maybe if you're lucky you'll break the 2 month record.
Then, finally, there is Matt. He's the socialite. Always talkin to girls, and throwing ragers, so he needs a new insole to keep his foot comfy while he's on the move. Yeah you won't be around his feet 24/7 but when he does use you, god will it be amazing. Matt usually "forgets" to wear socks so your life will be absorbing everything from his sweaty feet from musk to sweat to toe jam. You will take it all in. His feet will ruin you, wearing you down to nothing but a paper thin insole destined to be thrown away.
"We'll give you a little to decide bitch boy, after all you've been a good bro." Matt says.
The boys get up, Kyle sticking his sock in your nose. You feel your body tingle then stop moving.
"We wouldn't want you trying to escape or anything. So this little freeze will wear off once you decide who's feet you want to take away your humanity and ruin you."
"Hah, yeah dude." James said, hitting his cart and blowing it in your frozen face which was very red. "We'll be in our rooms. Whenever you decide, just come on in, and we'll get to changing ya."
You hear them all walk up the stairs and then hear each of their doors close. Now you have to make a decision.
Kyle, Connor, James, or Matt?
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madeins4turn · 1 day
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Invisible String Theory
Hazel Callahan x fem!reader
99.5% safe .5% don’t get caught up
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Isn't it crazy how you can go from not knowing someone, completely oblivious to their existence but then once you've crossed paths your lives are completely meshed with the other.
You loved and cherished her so much; she was your everything and it was clear as day the Hazel felt the same.
You guys met officially at the first fight club meeting, unknow to the two of you that you guys had kinda met years before. Durin your freshman orientation. All the incoming freshman (you guys) had been ushered into your school's auditorium to attend a pep rally style assembly. Hazel and You had found yourselves sitting next to the other and struck up a simple conversation. It never went anywhere of course and soon off you guys found new friends.
But back to Fight club. You all sat on the floor of the gym in a circle. One by one introducing yourselves. At the end while everyone was filling out Hazel approached you.
"Hey Y/N, right?" she said this with her charming smile. "Uh-Yeah Um-your Hazel, right?" you choked out. "Yep thats me...um so I'm kinda one of the founders of the club and-um if you need anything we're- um we meaning me, josie, and pj want all the girls to know that the club is a safe space ya know."
"Thanks um-I- see you next meeting" and with that you rushed out. You felt like you'd embarrassed yourself. What if she thought you were weird or mean or didn't like her.
By the next meeting you'd tried to give yourself pep talks all day long. "Don't embarrass yourself" you'd told yourself in the bathroom mirror. Soon interrupted by the sound of a stall opening. "Are you like, Okay?" Pj asks as she walked out. "Yeah, I'm fine, just getting ready for the club" "Oh you're in it," she asked with a quirked brow. "Yeah"
"Cool then let's go" she chimes dragging you out the bathroom. Truthfully, she'd known somewhat about you. Hazel- with the little inklings of time she'd been givin to speak between the constant yapping of Pj and Josie (mainly Pj), she'd use is to talk about you.
Mainly trying to get any info from the duo about you, if they knew any and Pj being herself she'd quickly began teasing Hazel about her "crush"
You guys entered the gym to be greeted by some of the girls sitting down waiting on the bleachers. You found a spot and began talking with some of the girls, one of which was Hazel.
A month later you were enamored. Something about hot women punching other women got to you, especially when it was Hazel. By now you recognized your crush, causing you to avoid her at all costs. During fight club you often quickly found a partner for activities, who were never ever Hazel. Neglecting the fact that she seemed bumed every time.
Truthfully hazel felt the same but you clearly didn't like her so why bother.
"You like her," Pj teased. The three were sitting on the bleachers of the sunny football field as they tried to think of more fun things to do as the club was becoming more like a solid friend group. (aka Josie and Pj trying to get laid while Hazel just wants more friends and get laid)
"No, I don't, she's just-" "Gorgeous and makes you wanna finger her," spoke Pj. "No-Yes-Maybe- god, I'm gonna go." And with that she left to go think. Josie and Pj stayed behind to talk about the right way to finger someone or something.
After being pummeled in front of the whole school and needing serious medical attention, Hazel was stuck in the house. The entire group often stopped by to make Hazel's healing process a little better. You often stopped by more to give her assignments she was missing and help her with them because sitting up for too long posed issues for Hazel. In those moments when you weren't looking, she'd often pause to observe your face. You caught her a couple times, both of you ended up flustered. It wasn't until after she healed that she finally mustered up the strength to ask you out. Well, she made Josie do it but still.
Josie and Pj stopped you outside the gym doors at the end of fight club.
"Hey so Hazel really likes you," said Pj. "Yeah, she does, and she'd really like to go out with you," spoke Josie. "R-really I would love to." "Great so- I'll get her," spoke Josie again as she walked back into the gym to get Hazel and soon return with said blushing girl.
Josie and Pj walked off to give you guys privacy, much to Pjs dismay. "I can't believe Hazels getting laid before me," Pj says annoyed as she is practically dragged aways by Josie.
"I-Thats not why I'm asking you out by-the-way! ... Not like I don't want to- I mean- it's not- um," she was panicking. "It's okay hazel, I know how Pj can be, don't worry," you reassured her. "Great (she smiles) so how about a date." "I'd love too"
And with that your fates were sealed. Your first date was a picnic Hazel planned at a local park. Your second date was a night at the local arcade and the third date was an actual dinner date that you planned at a local diner. It had been on your 4th date when you guys decided to make things exclusive. The date in question was the sleepover held at Hazels house with all the girls. Everyone else was asleep except you too, a random movie playing on the tv as you guys chatted quietly.
"Hey pretty, she says" "Hey beautiful," you reply to which she blushes. "Um so I wanted to ask you something (you clear your throat) um-so will you be my girlfriend. You don't have to say anything if you don-" "Yes"
And since then, you guys were girlfriends.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
First wlw post y'all. (More to come)
anyways be safe and have fun. :)
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dykedragons · 2 years
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ive done an insane amount of stuff in the last week. goodness gracious. all these high-effort tasks that ive been doing all day, in a row!!!!!!!! and i still have 2 days of assignments left but at least theyre just writing and editing and can be done in just one big sitting each...
i textured, added materials, lighted and rendered the room (first 3 images) in ONE DAY. i was up until 6 am. and that was after UV unwrapping every object for like 3 days straight.
the Fatalis drawing was done in 2 days. the Daydream sculpt was done in 4 days. this is a cry for help lmfao
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i havent had a assignment in school in almost a month. my last day of classes is this coming wednesday. i do not have to take any finals and i have straight A's. bearing all this in mind, tell me why THREE SEPARATE TEACHERS have decided to give us projects with LESS THAN A WEEK LEFT
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nerves-nebula · 9 months
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Anything on Neglected Karai at all? Is she Splinter’s daughter? Personality, skills, relationships, pronouns, or anything at all?
nah she's a 404 imagine not found screenshot and she doesn't exist she has no pronouns skills relationships or personality and she isn't anyone's daughter she came from the void and to the void she will return. amen.
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lovelyrotter · 7 months
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yknow i think a lot of the really far-gone transfemme vs transmasc people who still play by the 6th grade milquetoast "trans women are targeted way more than trans men cause femininity is bad and masculinity is good In Our Society, so trans men get free acceptability passes" feminism forget that trans men/transmascs started life. as. little girls. we were mistaken, from birth, for baby girls. and we were raised by our parents to believe that we were little girls.
a lot of trans men and transmascs then grew up to be teenaged girls
a lot of trans men and transmascs were adult women too
and for a while we *believed* we were girls and women. some of us even WISHED we were girls and women (points at myself). and much more importantly, we were continually seen as girls and women. a lot of the time, we are STILL seen as girls and women, even with full fuckin beards and baritone voices. especially if we need to go to any kind of medical professional. this is what our free acceptability pass looks like?
its just so much more nuanced than these 'boys vs girls' people ever seem to care to think about. even binary trans folks dont have the same sense of cisgendered binary that cis people do. we literally cross from one fake end of the fake-binary to the other. thats where the trans in transgender comes from. i dont know how some other trans folks seem to forget that?? i don't know how, somewhere along the line, we forgot that trans men and transmascs also directly suffer under misogyny?
#my t#sorry for more gender based griping i saw smth on twitter that reminded me of this.#the bright spots of Little Girl euphoria i had in my childhood were rare and beautiful. i refuse to forget them.#my perception of myself i had as a child is important to me.#possibly in a different way to others because. yknow. i am plural.#and plural folks have a different brain and sense of understanding of themselves that singlets wont have. its just a neurological differenc#but my little girl self is an important part of my present day adult man self.#and looking at the adult trans men in my system who are still under my care today-#the little girls they were - however fucking briefly - are still important to me and to them too.#and i fully understand that a lot of other trans folks cannot think of themselves this way#but trans mens experiences of being mistaken for little girls are as important as trans womens experiences being mistaken for little boys#we are all trapped in the same systemic cycle of gender-based abusive conditioning.#really we just have to do away with assigning gender to baby bits completely. its weird.#trans men are either eternally confused women or just invisible#and crushed under the weight of maintaining a cis-man image.#i mean for fucks sake#my partner system and us have been talking about having a kid for ages#if i were to get pregnant i'd just have to accept the fact that i have to masquerade around as a woman for 9 months.#because there is NOTHING for pregnant transmascs.#nothing.#there aren't even a lot of gender neutral options for maternity clothing.#even the term 'maternity' denotes femininity and motherhood.#paternity clothing isn't a thing that exists for me for look forward to or even mildly worry about.#and i'm just talking about a *planned* pregnancy involving a trans man. what do yall think happens to transmascs with unwanted pregnancies.#what a privileged life i lead as a no-op no-hrt trans man. big cishet loves me because i am obviously exactly like a cis man now#just want people to stop infighting and being stupid tbh.#breaking: bro strider fictive gets really fuckin pressed about gender and systemic abuse again!
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bunnihearted · 7 months
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📖🖊❄️
#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind#1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like#2) ​i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read#but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really#3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me.#everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored#and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing)#i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money#then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/#ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is#im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything#4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it#everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :((#i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it#5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them#except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/#but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again.#i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333
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raidenloml · 8 months
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rare traditional art content
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notjanine · 10 months
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spent the summer prepping for and taking the worst exam of my life, riding out the lease at the worst place i've ever lived,* then being temporarily kinda homeless,** and getting dozens and dozens of job applications rejected. i had some fun in there, but my anxiety has been through the fucking roof on top of my regular summer depression.
then the last two weeks of august happened 😳
everything happens so much. somehow, i managed to find the perfect apartment for a reasonable rent, and now me and Books are living (together!) in a fantastic and charming new home- lots of space, big kitchen table, a balcony facing undeveloped woods, just off one of the major roads in the city that has my favorite grocery store and our favorite sandwich shop (where we were already regulars). plus, i've gotten not one, not two, but three (three!) job offers- and i can take them all!!! one is with a hospital where i did my favorite internship rotation, and i'm so excited that i get to go back there and get paid to do that job, it was a blast. another is right by my new place and it's similar to the other hospital, but it's slightly bigger and sees more complex cases, so i'll be comfortable and confident, but i'll still get some new, specific clinical experience in areas that i'm interested in.
and the third position is... literally my dream job. it's the job that's been the end goal since the moment i chose my field of study. grad school and the internship made me rethink all of my professional goals and push them back, thinking i wouldn't be able to get to them for so long because i'd need ~more experience~. but now i'm. uh. i did it. i did it??!
the two hospital jobs are just part time, but they both pay well. the other won't start for a few months bc my boss*** has to get insurance approval to add me to her private practice,**** but that's okay, because i have a lot of reading and learning i want to do in the meantime to prepare! and then it will start as part time working up to full time as i build up my case load, but i'll also get to decide my own hours and do some work from home. i'll get to work with my favorite kinds of patients! and i'll get fantastic professional development opportunities for specialization, if i want to. the other dietitians in the practice seem lovely, so i'm excited to work with them. and the pay is realllly good, gosh, for being fresh out of the internship, it's nuts.
so things will pick up as i go through orientation and onboarding for the two hospital jobs next month. but it'll get calmer again after that, so i'll have the time and energy to prepare for the more challenging work that starts later, which is really nice.
and in the meantime, i'll be tending the wee garden on my balcony and playing board games with the love of my life 💗
#* all of my windows faced a wall. the walls were so thin i heard a neighbor yawn once#my air conditioner literally broke ten (10) times in three months. they just stopped fixing it. i just didn't have ac. in june. in texas.#** like i was fine i stayed in an airbnb for a week and then with Books which was not ideal bc they were in a 200 sq ft studio but hey#*** this woman is... something else. she was also one of my preceptors during my internship#on my first day with her we went over the assignments i had the option to do and one of them was about my main terrible chronic illness#and i mentioned oh yeah i am very familiar with that bc i have it. and this woman. was EXCITED#like she was interested in and valued my perspective as a sick person. which is wild#also that was my last rotation and i got really sick during that time. i had a flare up and didn't finish any of my assignments on time!!#bc of that illness! which she is now familiar w bc i did an assignment about it! and yet. and yet#SHE reached out to ME months later to be like. hey i have this position open if you want to apply here's the link :)#and then i had to interview with her and she did not pull any punches it was the longest interview i've had and she asked killer questions#and at one point she asked the question. what do YOU bring to this profession w YOUR perspective. and i just...#i said fuck it i went for it i answered honestly and said i'm autistic and autistic ppl understand each other in ways nts don't#(but like. framed intelligently w references to published research and good resources)#and you have autistic clients already and you will have more in the future bc all of us are weird about food!#and. she hired me. this woman knows i am 1. physically disabled and 2. autistic#and she hired me anyway. scream. remarkable woman. i want to know more about her.#and i don't want her to regret her decision so i gotta be on the ball!#**** it's private practice but the boss the one whose practice it is she's on a soft maternity leave so she's not seeing clients rn#so she's managing the practice. and on top of that there's also one woman who's job is just admin and insurance and billing etc#so after i finish the onboarding paperwork (almost done already) i won't have like... any more boring paperwork#it's a private practice job and i don't have to worry about billing which is the nightmare everyone dreads. incredible INCREDIBLE#ANYWAY gosh. it's all a lot! but good!#oh AND it's Books' birthday next week!!!!! we're gonna go out with their family one night then with their friends then just us#and i know exactly what i'm gonna wear (a tiny slutty dress) and i just got their gift (which i know they'll like) so everything is so !!!
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pepprs · 1 year
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ok mutuals be honest. should i “break up” w my counselor over these texts yes or no
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#purrs#i don’t have the spoons to type much let alone reply to anybody ESPECIALLY not him bc this fucking pissed me off so bad i have been too#angry to reply. like what the fuck is this. im going through a hard time right now so why are you judging me for wanting us to talk about#that instead of me doing your stupid little homework assignment. i just feel so judged by him all the time and i can’t work up the courage#to tell him or end things. but i am actually dreading talking abt this new development / topic w him anyways bc the last time we talked abt#it he judged and pushed me so hard and i got SOOOOO angry but also maybe he was right and just saying thigns i didn’t want to hear and then#his supervisor got sick and he said he had this plan for us to do the erikson thing and we’ve barely started it and i feel so bad bc i#genuinely think it could work but i just don’t mesh well with him. but it’s like i should give it a try and stick it out bc there’s only a f#few months left and what if things get better. and also ihavent given him any indication of how unhappy ive been w him as my counselor and i#don’t want to spring it on him out of nowhere. but no we’ve been working together since October and i don’t feel seen or supported by him at#all an di know i have to leave bc i deserve better but things are so bad rn and my brain has been broken all weekend and i just don’t have t#the strength and idk what to reply or if i should but i think everyone is probably gonna say i need to leave him and i think you’d be right.#delete later#i truly do not have the mental capacity to rn but if u go thru my other purrs posts i talk abt some of the shit he’s done that has just been#building and building and i know i need to do smth about it bc it’s not okay. but im so scared.
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ikyw-t · 9 months
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I do relate to olivia rodrigo in some ways for example I did have nightmares each week (every day for months) after that phone call in may (march). I fantasize (once every other blue moon) about a time where you're a little fucking sorry. except I do not hold my undying love (there is not even an iota of love, if there ever was) like a grudge and also I will never ever forgive bc you were indeed filled with vitriol. and unfortunately I also cannot let it go. it was six months (three years) of torture. I did NOT love you truly and I cannot laugh at the stupidity. I may have made some real big mistakes but you do indeed make the worst one look fine. like..............
#sorry i know this is cringe and something i should just journal about#ive just had a very shitty day and also kinda week#ive just been tired and lethargic for no clear reason for the past five days and it's very frustrating#bc i have homework due tomorrow that ive barely made any progress on#and i kinda rly need an A in this class to maintain my gpa. so if one bad week means i tank this assignment and get a B in this class#oh dread. unspeakable unsurmountable dread#also i went on a walk in the park w my mom which i haven't done in a bit and i just was unable to stop thinking#about my high school demon of a boyfriend who lives nearby. altho he literally never goes outside i sometimes get rly freaked out#and panicky that i might see him and have to deal with him again. like he did call (AND TEXT?!?🤢) me last march#and i was having nightmares for months after and feeling so paranoid that he might randomly show up at my house one day#bc that's the kind of shit he used to do regularly when we were dating to keep me from breaking up w him#and like ughhhhhhhhhh it just makes me so upset bc he literally would have the audacity.#it's just upsetting. i am soooo nonviolent as a person but when i think of him i suddenly feel not very nonviolent#again my apologies i know this should be journaled about instead. sorry u had to see all this#feel free not to read these tags like this is just for me. apologies.#while im here some other songs that make me think of him include would've could've should've. atw10 but only the terrible parts#uhh better by myself by hey violet is incredibly on the nose#also it's actually just a rly great song. also get out of my life by little hurt. okay im done now.#gonna go find something funny and cute to watch. maybe little witch academia.#sorry if u read all this 😵‍💫
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gumheel · 2 years
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the stupidest part of being deeply suicidal and constantly carving your life smaller in response to trauma & brainfuckery is just how difficult it is to try and fix it once you realize that maybe you want to live and that life could be good. it's worth doing don't get me wrong! it's probably the thing that's most worth doing! but it's also. really hard to look at the pieces from the life that's been broken for the past several years and go okay, how do we put this back together
#and i'm doing good! you know!#all things considered. i'm doing good.#i'm on top of most of my classes i'm trying to finish the ones that aren't.#i've got friends and people i trust.#i'm slowly earning money.#and things are slipping. you know. as they do.#some days i forget to brush my teeth or i can't go to class or i miss an assignment becasue i decided something else would be easier. and.#that sucks. you know#it's a game of trying to decide whether today's energy is best spent trying to fix what i broke#or trying to keep more things from breaking#and that's. really sad#because if i had been doing better. and if i were more capable. it would be easier now#but you know. every day it gets easier doing it every day is the hard part.#so i'll take my minor victories and scrape a life back together. and who knows#maybe in a few months or years it'll be good. and i'll be happy and i won't be picking up after myself anymore#rokowski's 'it was hard to rewrite my life into one i wanted to live but today i want to live'#and abdurraqib's 'but i'd like to stay alive and keep trying to make my own tragic corner of this sad spinning pebble as clean as i can'#BUT ESPECIALLY calvocoressi's 'oh my gd! i did not want to die that day. ... why don't we talk about it? how good it feels? ->#-> and if you don't know then you're lucky but also you poor thing.'#you get it. you understand#call me!#sorry i can't refrain from tags rambling. i'll delete this later maybe. did you know that being awake and alert for once in your life#can actually feel. good?#it's crazy.
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benetnvsch · 1 year
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wouldn't it be funny :) if I just :) did not finish this final :) submitted it as it is :)
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gothcarmelasoprano · 1 year
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maw why are these troll accounts linked through my ex best friends STILL following me
#im highly convinced at this stage she was the one that made the fake accounts#the gas thing is is that she was mainly an online friend and had she kept in touch with me at the time she wouldve known i was in the#studio in college preparing for my assignment for the semester so i dont fail like there were specific requirements we had to get done for#that week... and you think i would have that time to make fake accounts if anything itd be you and your online friends#emphasis on online because you could hardly make friends or even get a job here so you got one back home#the saddest thing is that the memes can be funny but its just what they represent in this whole situation that sours it completely#dont get me started on her friend she is honestly so polarising even from an outsider's perspective#ugh it doesnt annoy me anymore as it did because at the end of the day it has nothing to do with me but the fact that theyre STILL going on#about it makes me think that her and her online buddies have nothing else to do apart from being with themselves constantly#i had that life but no way did i want to live that way in my 20s 💀#i fucked up before that incident but isnt it convenient when we hardly spoke for a month just for the ~fake account~ to appear to stop#being friends like as awful as it sounds but itd actually be a lot easier just to say you dont want to be friends#instead of dragging outsiders into it like you do best#the saddest thing is that she was actually quite fake even before she went down a permanent online rabbit hole#and i was aware of it but because i was emotionally vulnerable at the time i never cut her off since i really wanted friends to talk to#play that cool girl alty idgaf attitude all you like but it doesn't change the fact that you're superficial no matter how much you mask it#ugh im hormonal and i cant sleep but at the same time its nice to be able to freely bc not as many people use tumblr anymore#i block those accounts not because im offended or im precious about my image but they do spam and its annoying af so i dont want that tbh#having pictures with a school friend whilst under the same breath making jokes of their dead brother is not a good look 😬#i did fucked up things as a result of coping with trauma and alienation as a teenager but this is actually low?#im sorry but it does it screams fake and im pretty sure that the fake treatment was given to me when we first became friends#fake people rarely ever change#i have to get ready for work in an hour this was unexpected#might vent later because i feel like i can do anything on this godforsaken website#the shocking thing to them is that they nothing on me if anything the 'proof' she showed me almost exposed her and her crowd#i have deleted my fb account but i still have the screenshots somewhere
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lingeringscars · 1 year
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My entire brain is probably going to be consumed by yellowjackets this month but I also am drowning just a lil
I have multiple papers I have to write & research to do & stats assignments etc this month. The semester ends 4/27 and then I have a month off before summer classes but have to work on a paper then too. Suffice to say I want to be here but final stretch of the semester so you know. Weeps.
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