#we have so many mutual acquaintances i would honestly feel so good if one of them sent him a good fuck you for me

[a9saga]

the fucking week i have had in the last 24 hours

[gwyns]

I’m the anon that asked about Gwyn & Az! It’s nice getting to talk about things like this! I don’t go on twitter as much, because the e/riel’s there are truly unhinged. I don’t know why e/riel’s think it’s stupid that gwynriel’s are fine with Azriel saying “I don’t have a mate”, but we are because we’ll get to actually see it on page. Why would they want their ship to develop off page where you can’t read about it? Makes no sense. One of the best things about romance is getting to see the two characters slowly become enamored with each other.

I don’t think they have crushes on each other either (Gwyn might think he’s attractive) or are best friends (yet), but I think they are very good acquaintances. We will get to see their friendship develop on page, as well as their romantic feelings which will be so nice to see. I definitely agree that there is a mutual respect and trust between them. Azriel sees the warrior in Gwyn. He doesn’t see her as a victim. And so far, he treats her with respect and his interactions with her feel healthy compared to his interactions with Mor & Elain.

Do you think Gwyn and Azriel will become lovers/a couple first and then will have sex/explore it, or start exploring sex and then become lovers? I have a lot of thoughts on the sexuality aspect. It grosses me out how some e/riel’s think survivors of assault can never have sex or have sex that might be more kinky. I honestly feel like there’s a lot Sarah can do with them not only as lovers/a couple, but their friendship build up and them as individual characters. I don’t think Gwyn is going to fix Azriel, but she will help with his self worth and help accept parts of himself.

hiii i'm so sorry it took me awhile to get to this!! i agree it's very nice to be able to talk about this <3 i understand your avoidance of twitter they're... horrid on there. i've gotten to the point where i just drag any of them i happen to see on my timeline and they usually block me so, it's been fun!

i grow more and more convinced every day that e/riels have never read books before. when a character says something like "i don't have a mate" in a fated mates series that's the author telling us "yes he does, he's just too stupid to see it right now". of course he has a mate, sjm loves her happy endings. it's a little something called dramatic irony and i believe the greeks coined the term. like it's obvious to us, the readers, where this is going but he's oblivious to it. it's not hard to figure out

yes, yes, yes! i definitely think that by the end of acosf they're both on each other's radars. gwyn is comfortable being alone with him and az admires and encourages her. they're not super close (yet) but they find themselves liking one another's company more and more. it'll be such a seamless transition from acquaintances to friends to best friends to lovers and i can't wait for it!

now that's where this gets tricky. it's hard to tell when sjm will introduce their physical relationship but i hope it's more towards the end. i want their friendship to be at the front of their relationship for awhile. i do think that they won't become "official" or anything until after they have sex. i think they'll realize they're attracted to each other, and gwyn will be curious enough to ask him about it and az would be willing and... well you can guess the rest lol

oh definitely. azriel needs to self reflect a lot and realize he's worthy of love as is. he doesn't have to constantly try and prove he belongs when he already does. i think gwynriel have the potential to be one of sjm's most beautiful couples. the comfort they'd find in each other, how they'd help one another to see that they're worthy of everything they have and want... ugh i love it. they really do share many similarities and parallels and that's not a coincidence on sjm's part

as for e/riels being gross, nothing about their behavior surprises me anymore, unfortunately. i have to believe they're younger, stupider people that don't fully realize how harmful their thinking is. gwyn can and will have a healthy sexual relationship in the future, if that's what she wants. she's more than her trauma and assault, she's even said so, stop reducing her to only that and reflect on how your words can harm real people who have experienced similar things

[positivelybeastly]

🖤 - tell everyone how awful tess is

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

Tess McKay is a beautiful woman that Hank McCoy has absolutely no romantic interest in (barring the one to three times they kissed way back when, shhh, we don't talk about that), so he appreciates her beauty much in the same way that he appreciates the Portrait of Madame X by John Singer Sargent. Objectively gorgeous.

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

You may have noticed that I have marked both predictable and unpredictable. No, I will not elaborate. The rest of these all sort of slide along a spectrum depending on which verse these two are currently inhabiting and how well they're both doing in their respective spheres, but it's rare that Hank will find her anything to be anything less than his best friend.

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

The capacity exists, but the will does not. I really struggle to think of a scenario in which it would make proper sense - maybe if it was a literal fuck or die situation, which, contrived, but, sure, I guess they'd do it then? I honestly think they've just completely sidestepped the need for that level of physical intimacy, and instead gone on to a degree of emotional understanding that would render actual sex just a weird experience.

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends / my only friend.

The only thing stopping Tess from being Hank's only friend is that Simon is canonically his 'dearest friend,' and I think Tess herself would view it as an indecency to try and lay claim to that role, considering she's Hank's not-beard and all.

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

Teenage Tess deeply confused teenage Hank, and I feel like the feeling was relatively mutual. This confusion accounts for the kissing. That being said, I think Hank would always have seen Tess as being fundamentally cool and interesting, even if they were both in very weird emotional places back then. What teen isn't, right?

current impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

She's his best friend. This is true in most universes. The end.

[vivisols]

oh I loved the new TADC episode, I wish Zooble was in it more though, honestly

It’s nice to meet another Zooble enjoyer, they’re a funky character and their deadpan attitude is fun

I saw you also have a character for TADC! What a cutie, may I ask what their personality is? And pronouns ofc

Oh and what role do they play in the circus?

How do the other characters interact with them?

Oh and they’re shipped with Zooble right? How’d the relationship start?

Is Ezirp an NPC or a human also trapped, if so how long have they been there? How do they feel about the circus?

Are they a cat as well? Looks like a little water cat which is so fun!

How do they feel about Caine?

Can I perhaps, eat them? Just like their inspiration, they feel so edible

Oh and one more question! Explosion.Jpeg?

Heheh got youuuu >:3

YEAHHHHH I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!!!! SUCH A FUN RIDE!!!! no matter how many times I watch it IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE 25 MINUTES XDDD

AND ALSO I AGREE!!!!! MORE ZOOBLE!!!! thankfully episode 3 is apparently gonna be SUPERRR zooble focused... I HAVE HOPE AND FAITH!!!! HANG IN THERE ZOOBLE FANS!!! WE WILL SURVIVE!!!!!!!!!

BUT YEAHHHH im such a BIG zooble fan!!! LIKE! trust me anon when i saw them in the episode i SCREAMED. SCREECHED EVEN.... the people who i was on call with can confirm i was LITERALLY fucking feral LMAOOOO

ANY WAYS! ERZIP QUESTION ANSWERING TIME !!!!! YIPPEE!!

erzip uses she/her! she's another human in the circus and she got there a few months before zooble did. she doesnt mind the circus but she definitely wishes that she could explore more and that some things would change :3c

personality wise, erzip is typically pretty nice! she's somewhat adventurous, as she loves to discover new things, though she prefers to do it all on her own. even so, she is sociable by nature and almost always loves talking to others when she can! like she's 100% a chatterbox and will go on long rambles about whatever random fact she had just remembered at the moment when prompted... erzip also likes saying absolutely wild things out of the blue for fun, usually in the form of threats LMAO

hmmm... circus role wise, erzip be an acrobat! and group wise, she's definitely the friend who always wanders off and has to be dragged away from whatever thing she'd gotten invested in since she went missing. you go through one crowd and you lose her because she went to go look in some random shop window halfway across the street xD

the other characters interacting with her.... asjkadfhdsjdh I HAVE THOUGHTS...

erzip and jax? mutual hatred. they both despise each other. though it is WAY more serious on erzips end xD she would gladly fight him any day of the week (and she has indeed done so in the past LMAO)

erzip didnt mind caine at first, but eventually he had gotten on her nerves. she now chooses to avoid him if possible. she just wants to go off and explore! why must he keep popping up!! >:P

pomni is on... less than ideal terms with erzip. theres just something about pomni that erzip doesnt like. pomni tries to be cordial, but still typically tries to avoid her and as a result, the two aren't really the closest.

ragatha is more of an acquaintance than anything. she's nice, but erzip fully believes that she can handle herself and doesnt turn to ragatha for much. they just respect each other. its not tense or awkward or anything and they often have pleasant conversations, its just that they aren't as close as they could be.

erzip and kinger get along pretty well! theyre definitely decent friends! erzip thinks hes neat (even if he keeps pulling on her keychain)

gangle and erzip are pretty close! they interact a lot and are pretty good friends! they have a lot of shared interests and can usually be found hanging out together and talking about them! (:3

and zooble... well they interact pretty positively most of the time! they both like talking to each other a lot! nd they mostly just go off on their own to hang out together hehe!!!

their relationship was a very slow and gradual thing xDD it took a bit for the both of them to become friends, but once they did they quickly got pretty close. though it was a suuuuuper long time before they both actually opened up and revealed how they felt. it was honestly super out of the blue! erzip hadn't been planning on saying anything at first, but the confession just slipped out and here they are xD even so, its still an incredibly down-low thing.... mainly because there hasn't been a convenient time to bring it up and they don't really care about the rest of them knowing. so the others are unaware, though they're certainly suspicious that they may be in a relationship now xD

and yeah erzip a cat!!! since she's based on water filled computer mice i decided a cat would be fitting as like... a twist on the idea xD

AKJSADFHASKJDF you can certainly try to eat her! ....though your mouth would probably be full of plastic shards and chemicals as a result xD

ALSO AAA!!!!! EXPLOSION.JPEG!!!! NOOO!!!!!!!! IVE BEEN GOTTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o_O

[sadieshavingsex]

wow. been a few weeks since I’ve posted here. things have rapidly gotten better for me over the past few weeks to the point where I’m honestly kind of still waiting for the upper shoe to drop. I want to take a sec to tell about the major things that have finally clicked and helped.

i left a cut because it's a handful of paragraphs. lots of stuff about my relationship dynamics and evangelicalism and how they intertwine and what I've been learning, plus a resource I've been using that has really helped me with this

first off, I totally and finally cut off all means of common contact with my ex. he actually was the one to tell me to stop getting in touch, but I also was able to ensure that I blocked him on multiple accounts and (at least for now) will also not receive messages from heavily involved mutual friends/acquaintances/etc (this was a huge issue previously even after both of us had individually tried to stay out of touch with the other. Like people from his life just kept messaging me all the time as though nothing was wrong, which I think was a huge thing holding me back from effectively moving on).

I haven’t heard from the man or his family/friends or had to unwillingly be subjected to his face on socials for 3 ish weeks now and it has already made a world of difference. with actual distance from him I can clearly see why my most popular post is my most popular post. “IM TIRED OF FEELING PATHOLOGIZED IM TIRED OF PATHOLOGIZING MYSELF!” This was probably the most massive issue in the relationship. I had valid wants, needs, and ideas about what a relationship should and could be that he just couldn’t fulfill, and instead of simply leaving it be and letting him go for my own sanity, I gaslit myself (and sometimes let him gaslight me) into thinking that when my VERY VALID and often RELATIVELY BASIC wants and needs weren’t being addressed, I was “too needy” and there was something wrong with ME that could be fixed. And I tried to fix it for two fucking years - often by going to therapy, trying to find a diagnosis, reading a ton of self-help books, etc! Until a few weeks ago, when I suddenly came to this reframe that like, there are plenty of people who can meet me where I am with the kind of care I’m looking for and achieve basic relational goals for things like HONESTY, ENTHUSIASM, EMOTIONAL SAFETY, and beyond. Some of these were already a struggle from the start of the relationship with Sam and most got significantly worse as we stayed together for almost a year and a half. And continued to get worse even afterward as I tried to salvage a friendship or relationship or whatever I could with this person who was treating me generally pretty hurtfully, whether he meant to or not.

I can see how evangelicalism would play a huge role here, because the church very much used the rhetoric of “if you aren’t happy and fulfilled with what you’re being given (often mistreatment lol), YOU are the problem and need to try harder/renew your mind/be more faithful/etc”

what a whirlwind to come out the other side of this and say, SOMETIMES YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. I was trying so hard to “heal” and “fix myself” so that I could be a better, more accepting girlfriend and the reality is that MANY people would agree that the way Sam treated me was below the bar for what a healthy relationship should look like. I was trying to contort myself to feel happy and healthy within a dynamic that was simply bad for me! And a lot of the time Sam contributed heavily to it! But instead of thinking about what I want, need, and deserve in a relationship, I just thought about why I clearly was in the wrong and needed to “get help” to make it work. Here’s the lesson: I DONT NEED TO SETTLE OR BECOME SMALLER TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK!

I’m going to take a break from therapy for a little while this coming month and I think it will be good. The truth is that I was in a relationship that was super negative for me in many ways beyond the sex stuff I talked about on this blog, and I just didn’t leave and kept trying to do the majority of the lifting to make it work. I thought something was wrong with ME when the reality is that I am who I am and my needs and wants are valid and the SITUATION was just so wrong for me. The ocd therapist I’d started seeing said she thought the greatest exposure would be being myself and just doing me, and I think I agree.

For so long I was part of a religion where I had to use doublethink and make myself, my thoughts, my needs, my goals, and my wants small to make the situation make sense as a fruitful and fulfilling relationship. And that’s essentially what I just did, again, for a year and a half.

I think it’s time to validate myself big time. The things I want are really not crazy and can often easily be found if I know where to look. Yeah, I have some mental health issues, but many of them have been insanely exacerbated and blown out of regular proportion beyond belief by the relationships and situations I’ve found myself in and decided to remain in even though they were harmful, confusing, unfulfilling, etc. It’s time to take up space. It’s time to get what I want and not settle for less! Not to allow obvious red flags to even enter the picture. Just to enjoy my life for what it is and how happy I can be when I meet my needs and treat myself and invest in situations and relationships that lift me up rather than tearing me down. Thank you all for being with me through the past year and a half. I’m so excited and feel so good these recent days, it’s really almost unbelievable compared to how I felt around Sam, especially after he’d broken up with me but would still come around occasionally. I can post more soon about resources that have helped me during this time, but the biggest one currently is Erica Smith’s Sexual Values Workbook for Purity Culture Dropouts (which is actually on sale right now). It has opened my eyes to what really matters to me surrounding sex and allowed me to think really clearly about some of the dynamics in the relationship that were so off that I just couldn’t see, many of which came out through the distress around sex but were really far beyond it in terms of scope. I’m so happy to be doing this workbook while single and enjoying learning about myself without judgment. Can’t wait to keep you all updated as I go and grow❤️ all my love always

[thelostrainbowthenovel]

Friendships: Brooke's Friends

Next up and second-to-last for the friendship posts, we have Brooke~! Honestly, his was originally going to be the shortest as Brooke only has one true friend from Mareas(Shannon), but to make his post a similar length to the others I included Meredith and Adrien. Despite them being his older sister and brother-in-law, but Mere was always his best friend growing up and he does grow to have a good relationship with Adrien too once he comes into Mere's life. But yeah, I hope you enjoy!

================================================

- Mareasian Friends

. Shannon: His best friend of several years. They first became acquainted as young teens as they had a lot of the same lessons together, at first not talking much together until they got paired to work on an assignment together. As they started spending more time together other people caught on to their dynamic, and encouraged them to become a couple. While they only dated for about a month due to social pressure, they had a mutual breakup as both realized it was not something they wanted for themselves, with them remaining friends afterwards and actually becoming a lot closer as they gained a better understanding of the other. Over the years as they explored not just their sense of style but also their sense of self and identity together they have opened up about so much with each other. Their insecurities, struggles with their mental health, problems fitting into their society and living up to everyone’s expectations, and so much more that they don’t always feel comfortable sharing with other people. One of these things was their sexualities, as they both felt a relief when they found out the other was not straight since it not only helped explain why their brief relationship didn’t work out, but also because they now had someone to relate to in that area and feel safe talking about that part of themselves with. Despite them both becoming seen as “deviants” in their society many still see potential in the two being together, so they often act as each other’s “cover date” for events and situations that require it.

. Meredith: His older sister, but the one he has considered his best friend since they were little. With how traumatic and troubling his childhood was, by far the best thing in his life was his relationship with Mere. The two have been through a lot together as siblings and have always been by each other's side, comforting each other through their stressful moments and bonding through the good ones, and they both inspire each other in many ways. Their bond is so close that many often mistake them for being twins, despite the two-year difference in their ages. They may have their occasional disagreements and bickering sibling moments, but both would not trade each other for the world. She is the only person in their family that he has felt safe and comfortable enough to come out to, both about his sexuality and who his lover is, and greatly appreciates her support and how she helps cover for him whenever he is going to see his love.

. Adrien: Used to be pretty suspicious of Adrien at first, mainly as he knew Mere had dealt with many uninterested suitors in the past and wanted only the best for his sister. It took a bit for him to warm up to him, but after a while of getting to know him he came to see how much of a good person he genuinely is. From the few times he has tagged along with Mere and Adrien's outings, he could see just how much they built up a loving connection and he was among the first who approved and supported them being together. They don't really hang out much on their own, but Brooke does enjoy talking with him and they do have some things they bond over, such as obscure and generally "disliked" genres of music.

- The Other Main Characters:

. Ignatius: His lover whom he has been in a relationship with for over 5 years, but they have been actual friends for almost a decade and always had an inexplicable gravitation to the other. Their friendship started when Nate decided to put an end to their childhood rivalry, offering for them to end it and become friends instead during their next meeting together. While Brooke was skeptical of this at first, knowing that Nate genuinely did not like him for a period of time, he quickly accepted as he himself wanted to become friends. Brooke may have played it off a bit at first but he was genuinely excited when he heard Nate wanted to be his friend, as he always thought he was pretty cool even when they did get on each other's nerves. While they did not get to see each other often, when they did get to they focused on getting to know each other better on a more personal level, sharing some things about themselves they could not share with others, and during this time was when they realized how much they both enjoyed the other's company.

. Talia: One of his other close besties, these two get along so well it causes many people to worry whenever they see them together. They relate to each other on a lot of things, mainly having the nobles of their respective kingdoms having such harsh and negative views of them and not bothering much to give them a chance, and both generally having out-going and fun-loving personalities, but they do have a deeper understanding of each other. They just want to live their lives unconstrained from others' expectations, and they are big supporters of the other's ventures in life. They always recommend fun things to do to each other and know how to liven up any stuffy or boring royal event together with their mutual love for partying and dancing, so whenever Arian and Mareas have events together other people are often wary when these two get together, as there is no way of knowing what they will get up to together this time.

. Hestia: While they are not close enough yet to be considered friends, they are fairly friendly to each other before the main adventure. While Tia was initial wary of him, knowing he was her older brother's childhood rival for the longest time, Brooke always made it a point to be friendly and try to engage in conversation with her, even if it was a slow process. In time as they get to know each other better she eases up to him, and they both find it relieving to have a few things in common such as both of them being neurodivergent. It made him so happy having her eventually warm up to him, and he finds it charming how she gets all excited to talk about pirates and Mareasian history with him, happily indulging in her ideas and plans whenever she is in Mareas. Their relationship does get more tense during the main adventure after the secret of his and Nate's relationship gets out, as things get awkward and Tia becomes unsure of how to interact with him as she processes all of their history together, but eventually they come to an understanding of each other and become good friends.

. Amaya: A good friend of his, with him always appreciating how she made it a point to get to know him for who he truly is and not how most others perceive him. They have a fairly good and playful relationship, but after opening up about their insecurities and anxieties more to each other they have that deeper understanding and connection with each other to not be afraid of talking about more serious topics. They both also bond over their mutual love for dancing, having an appreciation for how beautiful the art form can be, and they have taught the other some moves from their respective favorite styles.

. Gaia: Another good friend of his, even if they did not have many one-on-one interactions before. Both being pretty friendly people, they get along pretty good and have more of a playful friendship, where they both encourage the other's adventurous and curious natures. They enjoyed getting to see and talk with each other when they could before the main adventure, and while things were tense for everyone during it, their friendship really flourished after it as everyone got closer together. In particular for Brooke and Gaia, he becomes inspired by her to eventually take up witchcraft for himself. He was at first very hesitant on actually studying or practicing it due to Mareas generally finding it to be evil and sinful, but by getting to know Gaia and her craft more he starts to see the positive and liberating sides of it. After he gets more into his craft, he enjoys talking all about witchcraft and different spells with her, and combining their respective crafts to create new spells and potions.

[sheepinthebigcity]

okay fine. ALL OF THEM. GO.

YOU'RE INSANE (am i even in that many fandoms)

the character everyone gets wrong

mad ducktor. enough said

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

i'm presuming they meant dom or sub in this regard anyway i feel like all my faves are like lame ass switches and honestly i am SO tired of seeing them as always dom. boring behavior.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

honestly i'm just tired of seeing takes in 2023 about my girl faves and how they're annoying and get in the way of either yaoi ships or selfships...

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

not to go back into ducks again but i remember when the animaniacs reboot dropped i made a mutual with this super annoying person on twitter who kept talking about yakko warner and milk and about a week later an acquaintance of mine asked me how long i knew them and then said "we think that your new mutual is cannedtins"

5. worst discord server and why

im not in bad discord servers im normal 0:-)

i do have a lot of osc and em servers muted tho <:-D

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

a looooooot of shippers are annoying LOL. as far as not freak ships go, i sure do have a lot of hate in my heart for fenro... but are fenro fans annoying.... idk. i curate myself a lot.

WAIT NO JOIKE GOD THOSE GUYS ARE SO ANNOYING

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

i CANT just say mad ducktor again.... but honestly? 4 and X bfdi.....

9. worst part of canon

closing time being canon to catch 22

10. worst part of fanon

i hate when fanon unanimously agrees on a gender and sexuality headcanon for a character especially when it's one i relate to and i could make their gender and sexuality so so so so much weirder...

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

at least a dozen? i dont like a lot of popular fandoms.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

i feel like all my unpopular faves are unpopular for good reason. i may not like the reason but im alone in my happiness.

anyway fanny bfb you should like her because she has a rough exterior and a soft interior.

13. worst blorboficiation

the guys from one but i dont mind too much because it's one.

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

i see a lot of x reader shit and it always feels like every reader is like. the same 19 year old girl. and man we're different in every way.

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

cat ears

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

honestly i guess i get it bc they're both protags but spifan... it's kind of... BORING to me! no offense to ppl who do like it but i find myself more into prufan and pacome x zorglub....

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

sheep in the big city fic and art that doesn't suck

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

honestly i'm in so many fandoms where there's a hero x villain old man ship and in SO MANY OF THEM it is ignored.... SAD!

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

let's just say there's a certain ship that goes against so many of my principles and yet i've shipped it for over a decade and got good friends to ship it too and leaf it there

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

whatever the hell fireafy was doing in nubfb

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

clive dove professor layton. unwound future has better aspects

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

i think ppl should pay more attention to misa in death note

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

i used to hate mei x red son from monkie kid and now it's my top otp LOL

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"stop watching kid shows" these ppl aren't watching kid shows they are JUST watching owl house if they were wathcing kid shows i'd have someone to talk about rocketeer 2019 with

[ssum-thinginthewayshemoves]

The Ssum Review 2: Electric Boogaloo

So, approximately 50 some-odd days ago, I posted my one week “first impressions” review of Cheritz’s newest phone game, The Ssum: Forbidden Lab. Now, on day 60 of this game (what???), and with a second raffle for merch coming up, I feel compelled to give a follow up to some points and thoughts from my first review.

Under the cut: Heavy Spoilers for The Ssum: Forbidden Lab up through day 14, light spoilers (out of context artwork) up to day 60.

Teo

So first of all, let me start by saying that this game has ruined my life, but like, in a good way.

I thought this was a slow burn simulator (it wasn’t). I thought this was gonna be a chill slice of life (it’s honestly still very slice of life, but some days have been very Not Chill). I thought this was an alien experiment (Ok I still think this is an alien experiment, and we do not have any hard confirmation on that, but I am HOLDING OUT! I WANT TO BELIEVE).

What I did not fully expect was the “slow burn” element to only last two weeks. Some part of me expected this to be a half-year long acquaintances-to-friends-to-mutual-crushes simulator, with both too hesitant to take the next step.

But this boy? He confesses on day 14, and that’s when the game shifted.

I suppose I should have expected this. I did, actually, to a degree: I did not avoid spoilers, I knew a confession was coming. What I did not expect was for the confession to grab me by the cold, dead heart and make me feel an emotion.

I have to give Cheritz credit where credit is due: the confession is a marvel of writing and programming. The degree to which the confession felt so genuine and personalized to the “me” who had played the game up to this point, speaks to how much thought and detail went into tracking player responses through the preceding two weeks. How many programming variables went into those first two weeks alone? How much work did it take? I will likely never know, but some part of me would love to take a look at the source code some day.

The confession and the story following this confession force me to reclassify the game from my previous review: this is not a slow-burn simulator, this is a long distance relationship simulator, and I am enjoying the heck out of every minute of it.

The Forbidden Lab

In the time since that first week of the apps release, an interesting community dynamic has developed in the self contained forums found in the Infinite Universe. Players share information about the game, write and share fanfiction about Teo, make jokes, share their thoughts and feelings, vent about problems, and support each other, all self contained within the apps community. Its astounding to watch.

That said, not all is rosy in the infinite universe. As players run low on the batteries needed to unlock special choices or view paywalled photos, more and more have taken spamming in the various sub forums, begging for help getting more batteries (either by leveling up their planets, earning batteries, or receiving gifts, which can be traded for batteries). It has made navigating the infinite universe rather tedious, as one has to sift through a lot of spam begging to find anything of genuine interest.

The filters used for forum moderation has eased significantly, in the weeks since my last review. No longer do we have to struggle around using everyday words just because they might contain a cuss. We can say “about” again. The word “gratitude” is not blocked, despite containing “tit”. It’s a huge relief.

However, the filter is by no means perfect. For example, I wrote a rather tame short story for the fanfiction community, only to have it repeatedly blocked for “containing inappropriate language”. I poured over the thing dozens of times, and eventually had to resort to test-posting it in chunks to narrow down what section trigger the filter. Eventually, I figured out the two culprits: first, “jerk”, a perfectly PG rated insult that, admittedly, is part of a more lewd phrase when paired with “off”. Second, “snatch”, a word that I had actually forgotten had any sexual connotations whatsoever, and had used to mean “to pick up quickly”. So, that’s frustrating. But it’s still a lot better than it had been.

Glitches

The first month of The Ssum had a lot of bugs, mostly tied in with the timing/scheduling feature. Some players would finish a chat only to be told that their next chat would be available in 24+hours, unable to progress the game at the intended daily pace. Others would complete that days final chat, only for the next mornings wake-up chat to immediately start, and then rushing through the rest in sequence. I ran into the latter bug, myself, which was honestly preferable to me than being forced to wait more than a day.

Cheritz did fix these issues within the first few weeks of the games lifetime, and compensated affected players who submitted bug reports rather handsomely with a substantial supply of batteries. As far as I’m aware, these issues haven’t cropped up again recently, so any new players can join in the game without fear of their games timers glitching out.

Monetization

Cheritz has expanded on the different subscription plans, bundling in the much-covered private account access to both plans instead of just the one, as well as adding in some of the one-time-purchase quality of life features I touched on in my last review to sweeten the deal for players. I’ll admit, with the additional features, I’m slightly more tempted. Slightly. Very slightly. I still have no plans to subscribe in the near future, but may treat myself to one months subscription as I approach the end of the games 200-day initial lifespan.

As a free-to-play user, I’m still getting along just fine without the subscription. Others seems to be struggling, but as I said in my previous review, especially with the support of fellow players in the community, a resourceful player can enjoy the game without needing to spend a penny.

Artwork

I did not go deeply into the artwork last time, but I want to talk about it a little before I wrap up.

From the perspective of someone who’s dabbled in creating visual novels, I absolutely understand the daunting task Cheritz made for themselves, promising 200 days worth of content, including multiple pictures on a daily basis. No single artist could draw that many illustrations with any quality in a reasonable amount of time, and even a small team of artists would struggle to produce that many.

But the artwork depicting Teo is… inconsistent. The art style used looks distinctly different for the majority of the first major arc of the game (roughly the first 30 days of story) versus the second major arc (the next 30 days of story). The difference is best illustrated with examples found by the community: a couple of pictures originally rendered in one art style were later found to have changed to the other art style in an update during:

Side by side, the changes in the updated art are easier to see: The face-to-head ratio is smaller, his neck is longer and more slender (less realistic and more stylized), his body feels more proportionate. The skin on the pre-update art style is much more washed out and airbrushed looking, while the updated art has more shading and detail. To me, the updated art style also looks more expressive. The updated art isn’t perfect, but it manages to distance itself from the uncanny valley by edging a little closer to a more stylized look.

The artwork starting on the 32nd day has much more in common stylistically with the pre-update version of the above example. The art comes across as slightly unpolished but still pretty cute at best, and downright uncanny valley nightmarish at worst, looking more like stickers of eyes and a mouth slapped onto a blank face and airbrushed to oblivion, with nary a nose in sight. I can’t speak for the artwork after day 60, and I have no expectations, good or bad, but I hope that we might see that “post-update” art style return sometime in the next 140 days of the games story.

Final Thoughts

All things considered, though, it is undeniable that I have greatly enjoyed this game. The narrative has had ups and downs, weak days and strong days, but it’s all part of a journey. That’s slice of life for you. Not every day is gonna be jam packed with excitement, that would be exhausting. There’s joys to take from sharing the little things with someone, and that, I think, is the experience this game is trying to give.

“Good” and “bad” are subjective terms that are difficult to define in the context of a review. Ultimately, a proper review should come down to “do I like the thing, or not”, and the answer for me is, unequivocally, “I like the thing.”

No, this game will not appeal to everyone. The usual appeal of an otome game is choice, having an ensemble cast of characters to choose from. That way there’s more likely to be someone for everyone. Trying to make one fictional boy into a one-size-fits-all just isn’t going to work. People have different taste. I have seen many players of this game express boredom or annoyance with Teo. They’re valid. I can’t even say they’re wrong.

But man, I enjoy the heck out of this boy. This game is far from perfect, but I’m having fun, and that, I think, is the part that matters.

[tarotwithdanise]

୨୧ 𝗌𝖾𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗆𝖻𝖾𝗋 𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗎𝖾 𝗌𝖺𝗅𝖾

- 𝗉𝖺𝖼𝗄𝖺𝗀𝖾 : 𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀

- 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 #14

feedback :

So the entire first paragraph resonates with PACs and personal readings I received! They definitely sound familiar the more I read about them like I feel like I’m getting to know this person so well. Characteristics like work-oriented, childish, charismatic, and seeing goodness in everyone are all recurring messages. For love language, it’s funny that writing lovely letters came up cause I actually wrote a comfort letter to my future spouse after a personal reading told me they might be struggling with burnout. I get ‘the lovers’ card pretty often too when it comes to this person haha and I myself am a very sexual person, so that checks out. Their love language resonates with past readings I got for sure. The part about meeting them for the first time has many recurring messages like meeting at an acquaintance's event, somewhere close to water, and they’ll be checking me out from afar haha. It also resonates how you mentioned I’ll meet them soon when I move because I’m planning on moving out of state or the country in 2-3 years lol. Messages like me and them coming from different backgrounds and strong passion also resonate.

Their current energy seems quite chaotic and honestly, I’m also at a point in my life where things are just messy, so I hope things will move into calmer waters when we meet. For couple dynamics, all I can say is you have described me pretty well as a person. I do have pretty high standards and would rather choose a partner with high compatibility. I struggle with needing to have control over every aspect of my life, but I’m aware of it. Long distance relationship kind of resonates, I keep getting the message that there will be a period of separation between me and this person. How they will treat me sounds so perfect I couldn’t help but giggle lol. Mutual respect, supportive, loving, and possessive(non-toxic)? It’s exactly what I want. I am often told by friends that I give off motherly vibes lol so that resonates. And yeah their sexual inclinations sound compatible with mine so that’ll be a good time haha. I really appreciate hearing how they will treat me and how will they feel about me; because my sexual interests make me feel like I’m more suitable for non-romantic relationships but I actually only want romantic relationships. It’s nice to hear that it’s possible to have both. The next part, the plot twist, is the most accurate, down to details, message in this entire reading it’s kinda scary lol. I received this exact message from another reading before so I’m glad to hear that things will end well for me and my person. It’s normal to have ups and downs I suppose, and hearing that it will make our relationship stronger makes it worthwhile. The first celebration with them sounds like a confession scene. For past readings, I keep hearing that I’ll have a sexual relationship with this person first before committing to a romantic one so I’m wondering if this will be it. This part is so romantic omg it got me daydreaming. Not going to lie, their profession and appearance do not sound like my type so this will be interesting haha. Idk about pregnancy yet so please let me ignore this section for now. Their hobbies and interests sound fun but again not really my type at all. One of the main reasons why I’m so interested in future spouse readings is because I keep getting recurring messages and this person does not sound like someone I’d date lol. This is all fun for me. Their family and friends’ thoughts of me sound mostly positive, which is good. I don’t care too much about other people’s opinions of me but I do want to get along with my spouse’s people. And marriage is not a huge thing on my mind so I’ll probably just go with the flow when the time comes. Overall, I’m very happy and satisfied with this reading. It is so long and detailed. I love it. I can feel the dedication you put into this. I’m so glad I ordered from you since your PACs usually resonated for me. It was a pleasure doing business with you and I hope we have more chances to work together in the future!

thank you so much @alinepichi for leaving such an awesome and detailed feedback about your reading. i am happy that somehow most of them are resonates with you, glad that you'd purchase a reading with me🤍

୨୧ 𝗉𝖺𝖼𝗄𝖺𝗀𝖾 : #6

- 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 #15

feedback :

Wow, that was so sweet & straightforward <3 They were also accurate. I really appreciate you doing this, it really soothe me. I recommend anyone coming across your blog to purchase a package as well 💛

thank you so much @888-hz purchasing and encouring others to do book a reading with me, it was a pleasure to do a transaction with you🤍

𝗉𝖺𝖼𝗄𝖺𝗀𝖾 : #4

- 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 #18

feedback:

😢😢😢 this is so spot on, tbh some of these things are things i havent even realized i do im putting two and two together rn 😭🙏 and tbh i think the smile part is true bcus i cant remember ever smiling unless around friends or family but even then. didnt notice that but thank you! and the pressure part is so true 😭 will definitely purchase more in the future, your readings >>> . thank you so much!

thank you so much @kissesforpluto for this lovely feedback, i hope you will get through this part of yours. i am routing for you, don't be afraid to show the best of you!🤍

୨୧ a tons of thank you so much for purchasing and supporting my blog. May you achieve all of your dream love and dreams for life <333

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Perceived Insincerity

Because of the way I tend to treat other people, and the way I guess I set other people up to treat me, I feel hurt a lot in relationships with most other people.

I think about other people all the time. Basically constantly. But I know if I reached out each time I thought about someone, it would be annoying (it really would be; that’s not even the raging social anxiety telling me that...I just think about other people a super duper lot). I prioritize and take seriously getting to know the people I care about as well as I possibly can, and earning and deserving their trust. I like being that person, and I honestly don’t know how to love a different way. I don’t regret the careful and tailored love I’ve given to other people, even the people who have ended up hurting me; even the people who repeatedly hurt me. But sometimes I do get down that it seems like I’m rarely considered in the same way I consider other people. It’s hard to find careful and tailored reciprocity that’s not insincere. When I get reciprocity or even just kindness of any kind, my first instinct is still to mistrust it. At least half the time I’ve finally opened up and trusted it, it’s been a mistake...sometimes a painful mistake. And while I seek to know the people I care for supremely well, I know I’m pretty guarded (for good reason), so it’s hard for people to reciprocate me. I’ve made that difficult for other people. And many of the people I have let get to know me semi-well, particularly my real life contacts, just don’t ever reach out to me. It truly feels like if I’m not asserting myself with them, usually offering myself to them in service of some kind, I’m basically forgettable. If I’m not right in front of them and shouting, I don’t get any attention. I have to make a show of actually withdrawing my time, my talent, my presence, my connection, to be noticed at all, and then (this has happened with online contacts too recently, at least I’ve heard), all of a sudden it’s, ‘I miss Jen...where’d Jen go?...why’d Jen leave; she’ll be missed...devastated Jen left...’ Like, really? I don’t think so. You didn’t notice the things I did or my presence when it was around, consistently and constantly, for weeks to years, when you were receiving what I gave. Only when it’s not there anymore. Usually only when it’s not there anymore and they NEED something I used to give them without them even having to ask for it. That makes me feel about 12 different kinds of shitty. I don’t like having to assert myself in any way with other people. That in itself feels icky. But making a show of leaving is so needlessly dramatic and performative. I’ve only ever done it on social media, thinking it would inform people who did care and reduce worry, but all it’s ever actually done is drum up more ridiculous drama. (I had a ‘friend’ call J at WORK when I left Bookface to ask why I’d ‘gone off the deep end.’ This same woman hadn’t called me or seen me or even liked a stupid post of mine in months to a year, but all of a sudden GASP! Jen’s gone off the deep end. For exiting a social media platform.)

And other people use platitudes to try and comfort me when this unbalance and feeling invisible or used is making me anxious or sad.

...familiarity breeds contempt... ...don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone... (Joni Mitchell never lies lies lies) ...always there so you’re easily taken for granted...

Again, way back when, when I was still on Bookface, several people who were mutual acquaintances of mine started posting (what seemed to me like insincere) grief messages about one of our peers who died young. (Could have been an accident or disease, but the potential was definitely there for suicide; I wasn’t ever in this person’s actual social circle, I just knew who they were by face and name, but he seemed to be someone who was struggling with identity when we were young and we live in an area where that’s not met with empathy and kindness regularly, particularly from young men. Whatever happened, he died tragically young). All of these people I knew whose circles overlapped with the young man who died said how nice, funny, kind, what a good friend, good guy, fun person, good person he was...that they loved him. I get this is commonplace when people pass away. Another platitude, ‘Don’t speak ill of the dead.’ I know people conflate and exaggerate good feelings and relationship closeness when people die. I’ve seen it repeated my whole life. That’s insincere to me on a few levels, but the one that bothers me the most is that none of those same people claiming love and grief over the loss of this person ever tagged him in a check-in from a celebratory event (wedding, concert, trip to the zoo, friends get together August buffalo wing night, kids’ little league soccer game, whatever...). No one ever mentioned him in a nostalgic memory from the past. No one ever randomly mentioned that they heard that song or saw a giraffe tshirt at a store or made those cookies and it made them think of the man who died. He never crossed their mind, truthfully. Not ever, I’m certain. Not even a blip of recognition to spark Minor League Social Media Effort...until he died. He was gone. And he’d never get to see the posts of what a great friend, funny guy, sweetheart, whatever they thought he was. He’d never see they loved him. He’d never see he’d be missed. So even if they meant the things they said with no romanticizing or hyperbole or invention, what’s the point now? To show other people they cared for a person but not the actual person? I dunno. This shit bothers me.

I say thank you. I say what I like about people in the moment whenever I can. I try to let people know with my presence that they are cared for and loved and appreciated every single time, with consistency, maybe because I’m a sap, maybe because I’m morbid as fuck, and you never know when your last time to say it or show them is going to be, really. If I die, or if someone I love dies today, they will know, doubtlessly, that I cared about them. Because I fucking tell them so and/or show them I do however it’s the most comfortable for them, hopefully without being intrusive or annoying, as much as I possibly can when I share their presence. I don’t wait for people to disappear to show them they matter to me. That used to just mean literal death.

But now social media has this odd little way of showing me how people will react to my literal death by exiting a social media platform. Most of them won’t give a shit at all. Of those who claim to care, it’s just those empty claims that I mattered; they cared; I’ll be missed...but they literally never said or showed me any of that when my presence was there. I get screenshots of it from the people who actually do care (or maybe some of the screenshotters don’t care either and just like the emotional reactions and drama and pain...I’m honestly not sure anymore).

I’m writing this rambler today because (duh) I got a couple more, ‘X said they miss you,’ things that haven’t been setting well with me. I guess this is an attempt at further explaining (maybe to my own self, if no one else) why I felt the pressing need to withdraw and isolate myself instead of maintaining this weird substitute for actual ‘community.’ It just all felt fake and performed. And it kind of still does? Sometimes I question myself if and how much I’M performing. I try to honestly show sincere vulnerability and reality when I write, even when I write fiction. I think people who read what I write know me better in most ways that the people who have literally been in my physical presence a lot during my life. But so much of what I’ve experienced back from other people, in real life and online, maybe even especially people who mirror my energy and reciprocity, has been so nakedly insincere after time, I wonder if I’m perceived that way too. That the kindness I offer, the words I offer...do people think I’m just performing too? There’s nothing I can do about others’ perceptions of me than to say I am sincere about what I say and what I give and hope people believe that. I don’t want to take others for granted. I don’t want to be insincere or perform. I hope that whoever actually reads this knows I meant everything I said; I gave from my real self. I hope no one feels like I will appreciate them only after they exit my life. That’s how I’ve been feeling a whole lot lately, and I don’t ever want people I care about to feel that way. I definitely don’t want to be the cause of it.

[kiigan]

💭 to learn what Itachi thinks of you @karenuhana

ㅤ«Konan-san is someone I greatly admire. Our personalities are sort-of opposite in many ways, but they seem to complement each other rather than to directly clash. Despite being our unofficial superior, given her relationship with Pein-sama, I never once saw her abusing that power or being unnecessarily cruel. Her devotion is also something I respect, whether I may or may not agree with the nature of it. It is not too different than the Will of Fire, is it? Only the object of devotion is different, a person rather than a village. Truly the proof that what is considered evil and what is considered righteous end up only being a matter of perspective.

ㅤOn a personal level, we really aren't all that close, but I consider her an acquaintance. Maybe, I would dare say, even the closest bond I have to a friendship, if Kisame is not considered. I find myself compelled to care for her, not because she is a woman or anything demeaning of that sort, but because she's... not very good at self-care, honestly. She devotes so much to Pein-sama that she forgets to care for herself, in some ways. But I am not certain if she would feel comfortable with it, so I try to make it as subtle as possible. Not to mention, out of everyone in this organization, she is definitely the one I do not wish to have doubting my loyalty nor becoming suspicious of my persona. I am the heartless clan-killer and that's all I'm supposed to be, no matter if sometimes I bring her tea or make her dumplings. Both things are not mutually exclusive, especially because I'm pretty sure they all question my sanity as it is. It's rather convenient, at times.

ㅤOther than this, part of me wishes we could have met under different circumstances. If nothing else, because her powers are fascinating and not only I would love to learn more about it, I would also love to have her as my sparring partner. Just for the fun of it.»

[wmf]

I remember talking about all the concerts we would go to together in the future. Sharing so many favorite bands and artists. Of course, without a doubt, you claimed to introduce them to me, but the truth was I knew of them but never cared to remember the artist or the name. I would look for a Playlist and just listen to them, did you believe me? Of course not. It's been years since our friendship ended, so why does it hurt me so much seeing people I never knew were close to going to those concerts with you? I don't ever think I would describe this feeling as being FOMO or jealousy. I think I'm still in agony, you're probably doing better than me honestly. Finally doing what we both dreamed of with the people you're the closest to. I remember you comparing your hurt with mine and yours would always surpass me because death is the worst event to go through. But if you knew what struggles I've gone through since our friendship ended, would your life events still be worse than mine? If I could have a life update with you, I don't think I would even show up, because no matter what I've gone through, my feelings never mattered. After our long-term friendship, people's feelings always come before mine, right? Maybe I should thank you for teaching me worse problems are going on than what I'm going through. I'm being overdramatic with my life events, right? I guess that's why I minimized my problems and numbed out my emotions when it came to my personal life. I know I'm over our one-sided friendship, so why do I always feel shaken up by seeing a picture of you? Should I just block all of the mutual friends we had? Should I erase all of my socials where I'm bound to see you? Should I truly replace you as you asked me to do so? Out of our time together, I always thought if we fell out, we would at the bare minimum agree to remain acquaintances. So why did you wish me good luck with my life?

"i completely understand and i felt this distancing as well and i just wanna say thank you for being a part of my life and helping me make memories. i hope you accomplish all your goals and dreams. thank you for everything"

This was your last message to me, if you were to read this, would you have worded it better? Or would you have not sent it at all? I sometimes wonder if we were face to face and you had no time to plan a message, would it have been the same? I thought I knew you as a person and a friend, but I didn't even know you. Sadly, you didn't know me either.

This song goes out to you dear old friend, a song we both enjoyed together. We sat outside of the school door along with all the other car riders waiting for the doors to open and let us in. Sharing earbuds while sitting on the cold cement. The simple times when we shared our life stories and opened up to one another. A time when our only worry was getting to school on time to warm up our favorite spot before the other arrived.

[eisheartoffantasy]

Entry #16. How Do You Love? How Do You Lie?

Corny title, I know. But it's my journal. My feelings.

Anyways, the girl I mentioned whom I have a crush on — let's call her Silvia — is still very much in my life.

The way she teasingly tells me good night, calls me by those silly nicknames she randomly comes up with, shares all her bizarre dreams and listens to me talk about mine... I'm in love with it.

When my dark thoughts take over, typically when I'm overworked or in a depressive episode at night, the thing I want to do the most is to text or call her. When something positive happens in my life (which honestly isn't that often of an occurrence), the person I want to share it with is her.

But the clearest sign of my crush on her is my jealousy. We have a mutual friend, whom I shall call Hana, who is by my perception closer to her. My main reason for this conclusion is that while I've given Silvia numerous gifts, she hasn't given me as many and yet she's given Hana quite a lot. That is not to assume she treats Hana better than she treats me objectively — for all I know, maybe Hana has given her more gifts herself, but that would suggest even more strongly that the two of them are closer.

Wow...I'm reading the above paragraph right after I finished writing it. What an over-analysis, huh?

I got quite jealous for sure, even verging on resentment towards Hana. So what did I do?

I befriended Hana. I made sure to be as nice to her as possible. I did it to the point where Hana explicitly told me that I'm one of the coolest girls she's met, and I feigned confidence in response, telling her that being thought of as cool is a great source of motivation to become even cooler.

Genuinely, Hana is an absolute sweetie. If it weren't for my unrequited (and unknown) feelings for Silvia, I'm sure I could be very close friends with her. In fact, if my feelings weren't in the way, the three of us could be such an iconic trio of best friends. Silvia, the most sociable and experienced in life to enlighten us with knowledge and hope; Hana, the "cinnamon roll" who deserves to be totally spoiled by us like a little sister; me, the cool one who brings tons of laughter and will wholeheartedly support my besties through any difficult situation.

If only I wasn't so petty.

If...only...I...wasn't...in...love.

Of course, my feelings can NOT become known. At the very least not right now, not in my current mental state — to put it simply, I haven't been my best self. I'm still depressed and anxious half the time, barely finding a direction in life. Silvia is like a beam of sunshine in my gloom-filled world, and I'm quite certain a romantic confession would ruin our friendship. Even if Silvia herself is unfazed by it, I know I would feel embarrassed to the point where my depression would worsen into an endless spiral, ultimately leading to an emotional explosion and to me losing even more than our friendship.

Plus, Silvia has a husband whom I'm also acquainted with. I can't do this to a married couple, even if the most likely outcome is that they'll just see me as a younger friend who developed an insignificant crush that'll naturally fade with aging.

So for now, I must keep lying. It's a harmless lie.

Well, I guess it's a little harmful to myself...but in this situation the truth is more harmful. And the truth is potentially harmful to other parties as well. So it's only clear which way the scale should tilt.

Silvia, Hana, I want to become close friends with both of you in the future, when I'm out of my mental health limbo. This part I'll never lie about.

Ei, you're in love with Silvia right now, that's okay and I allow you to possess this crush for as long as you feel it...but you must not make it known to anyone who knows you in real life. Hence why I'm allowing for this entry to be written. But this is where it stops, alright?

If questioned, you just lie. You tell them that you're still battling depression and other mental illnesses. Say you're slowly healing, which isn't a lie really. It's modified truth and it's the option that does minimal damage.

With warmth and hopefulness,

Ei

[sirchubbybunny]

It's still "early" and I don't think I'm going to go to bed yet. But I'm having a thinking out loud moment again, which could be from me being out of it for much of the day.

I'm thinking about my relationships to other people and how two years ago, one of my goals in life was to leave the US and possibly move to Iceland or Japan to get away from all the conflict going on here. Any place is better than here, I thought. It was mostly just big pipe dream type of stuff, not something I saw realistically happening even though I took the idea of taking my Japanese language proficiency tests quite seriously at the time.

Now, I'm here back where I started. I'll sometimes find myself thinking about how I want to go backpacking across other countries with some friends and see the world with them. I can see myself taking them with me to Japan or Iceland for a few weeks as a part of a collective bucket list thing. But moving there? No, not at all anymore. Yeah, having a bit of a wake up call to some of the negative things is part of it; especially the natural disasters. But, no. Something more hit me harder in a profound way that solidified to me that I've never be able to commit to it.

It's not leaving the little things about my hometown behind, like the music and art scene or the locales. It's the irreplaceable friendships I've made since the pandemic started and the idea of being half way around the world from them is honestly terrifying. Yeah, we could still stay in touch online, but with the sheer physical distance, I might as well be on Mars. But the thing is, if they ever wanted me to go on a huge trip with them - I would without a second thought. I'd overcome my fear of flying and my social anxiety (no thanks to all the gun violence here in the States) to be by their side. I think I could honestly be swayed to possibly moving to another state or distant place with them if they popped the question.

Would it be difficult? Yeah.

Would it be scary? Absolutely.

Would I be potentially shooting myself in the foot? 100%, full stop.

I was telling my mutuals this recently. I have made a name for myself to some extent here in my hometown. I'm not "famous" or anything like some of my acquaintances and old school friends who are established filmmakers, musicians, artists, public speakers and event planners. But, I'm recognized at local art events, been in the paper, and stuff like that. I have so many connections and resources (especially in a medical sense). In a way, I'd be a fool to take a massive gamble and throw a lot of that away to take a chance like moving to another place to start over.

And yet, I feel like if things ever change for me, I think it's something I'd do or heavily consider. As long as I have good friends by my side, there's nothing I can't do and I think the ones I have here in my area would be supportive. I suppose I just think about all of that and the people who came into the picture over the last three years and how much they've changed my life for the better. I'm not the same person I was back then and I don't want to imagine where I'd be if it wasn't for them. We've been a source of support and comfort for each other.

We helped one another through so many sleepless nights and trudge through countless storms, the ones that devour the sun and black out the sky. With what feels like superficial effort to those on the outside, they always found a way to pull me from it and I've done that for them as well. I said something like this the other day about how I've just been stuck in this fog for a while, completely burned out on all my art and ambitions, and feeling utterly defeated with the top surgery consultation getting cancelled. One friend swooped in and gave me the warmest, tightest, affirming hug and it was hard to not want to cry and that words will never encapsulate how eternally grateful and thankful I am for her being so loving and supportive of me. I think about stuff like that a lot and how reciprocal it is, and that I'm always in her corner like she is for me.

I don't know. I guess all of this is to say that even though I don't see myself going anywhere anytime soon realistically, I'd put so much on the line to just travel or go on huge adventures with someone like her; especially when it comes to wanting to cut ties with toxic people in our lives as a means to move on and heal from our trauma - even when it comes to those I've "patched" things up with. It's hard at times to think about them, be around them, or just think about certain things without it bringing up old memories. Yet, with these friends who I've made, it's not like that at all. They aren't the people who hurt me, my trauma, or the negativity in my head. ... and I can see myself starting over with them if they asked me if I wanted to.

Maybe I should go to bed... I'm going to have too much racing around if I keep at it.

[binniesthighs]

dear anon, sweet anon, thank you so much for requesting this <3 i didn’t know that i needed it in my life and now...here it is;) IT WAS SO FUN hehe

melt in your mouth | reader x jisung

Pairing: self insert, gender neutral reader x han jisung 

Genre: that good good smut 

Summary: After hearing a rather interesting story about a certain brand of chocolate aphrodisiacs, your curiosity gets the best of you and your friend’s roommate, Jisung.....a spin off of bites like bittersweet

Word count: 3.7k 

*photocreds to OP!

{see below for tags, nsfw and warnings!} 

Tags: aphrodisiac au, somewhat friends to lovers, hints of mutual pining, bestfriend!seungmin, seungmin’sroommate!jisung, hardswitch!jisung, hardswitch!reader, explicit language, mentions of food/eating, hand stuff (r &m), degredation, petnames, dirty talk, unprotected sex (stay safe cuties), creampie, voyeurism, and we love a plot twist ;)  

~💋~

two flavors seemed excessive. one flavor seemed like just enough. you didn’t want to break the bank or anything on something that was likely crappy quality or potentially psychedelic; even worse, it could be both. 

“and you want to try these with me why?” seungmin pushed his wire-framed glasses up his nose bridge and scrunched it up. he inspected the paper wrapper with a skeptical glare. the design itself was anything but trustworthy: in swirly cursive pink font, the name Cherri Amore and under it, a absurdly large lipstick mark with the outline of a couple doing what must have been fucking “spread eagle.” 

seungmin muttered, leaning over the counter of the dingy kitchen he shared with his roommates, “proven aphrodiasiac and libido booster...? y/n, sorry, i just--i’m fucking lost here--” 

“--ever heard of trying something for the hell of it seung??” you snatched the bar from his hand. “the review that i read online said that it made them crazy fucking horny, so much so that they fucked their best friend of something like five years or something like that. isn’t that insane?!” 

your best friend’s eyes blew out with his mouth aghast, “what the hell?? shit--of course you’d find something insane on the internet like this and drag me into it...”  

in your incredulous laugher, you threw your neck back so hard it hurt a little. “loosen up! it’s probably a scam or something. plus...if it does work on us...don’t act like i haven’t caught you in the act before...” 

seungmin, ever the angel, flushed a shade of fuchsia you thought inhumanly possible for someone to attempt. “that-that wasn’t--that wasn’t what you thought it was!!!” he cast away the chocolate bar as if it were his dick on the very night that you had walked in on something that was supposedly not what it looked like. 

“relax!” you punched your embarrassed friend on the arm which he dramatically rubbed into. “it’s not a sin to jerk off or anything. hell, i do it....obviously.” 

seungmin chuckled out unsteadily, “well, um, what if it does work then, what do we do?” 

you snickered, “ha! hell if i know. cross that bridge when we get there?” 

“so what you’re saying is...this could either be a massive waste of our time, or, both of us get so stupidly turned on that we decide to have sex....with eachother?” 

“that’s the gist i’m getting.” you took to the corner of the shiny pink paper wrapping at the corner. “but...who said that we had to fuck or anything...?” 

from fuchsia to nearly scarlet, seungmin averted his eyes at the speed of light. 

“seung!!! do you have something to tell me?!” your teasing grin spread wide and you lifted your hand to give your adorable friend a clap on the back. 

“i’m just repeating what you said!!” 

you broke the bar open, cracking off the first square on the counter with a solid snap. with a smirk, you offered it to your friend. he reached out, only to nearly jump out of his skin when the old-timey ringtone from his phone erupted in the hollow kitchen. 

“shit.” he murmured under his breath, pulling it out and immediately pressing the call button upon seeing the caller. “h-hello? yeah? wait, wait...slow down...the cultures did what?! and you have to start over?? shit--” 

before you could have anything to do with it, your friend was already throwing on his sneakers and sky blue raincoat. “sorry, y/n but i have to go. that was my co-worker, they said that something went bad with the incubator, and all of the cultures are ruined, and there’s the stupid lab meeting in the morning--” 

“i’m gonna pretend that i understood everything you said.” you hung at the doorway to the kitchen, observing him trip over pairs of shoes and other random-ass college-aged boy items. “you only get a pass because i have a feeling that the coworker we’re talking about here is the cute one.” 

your friend rolled his eyes, mouthing a reluctant, “yes.” 

“fine then. we can try the chocolates another time.” 

“fine--sure--” seungmin grabbed for the handle, “sorry. again.” 

~💋~

you felt like the chocolate bar was taunting you, just sitting there opened with two squares all ready for the eating. oddly, you really couldn’t figure out exactly why you had wanted to try them in the first place. for a second, the guilt and loneliness started to seep through and it felt sticky, pathetic, and stung like thorns right into your breaths. 

“fuck it.” you whispered under your breath, swiping them all up and walking over to the trash can. 

“whatcha got there?” a voice entered the room attached to one of seungmin’s roommates, jisung. 

the two of you had met many times in passing, and you had shared enough small talk to consider him somewhat of an acquaintance. from what you had gathered about the boy, he spent much too much time in his room working on his animations and was the dictionary definition of one of those cocky-assholes you had a soft spot for. 

“jisung--hey. it’s...it’s nothing. something stupid that i blew my money on.” 

“let me see.” he crossed the room, looking wired and overtired as usual. 

from staring at his screen for so long his eyes bagged with dark circles, but somehow it made him look mischievous, or something like that. his muscle tank had been cut low to reveal his sides and ribs which flared when he grabbed for the bar of chocolate. 

“huh.” he scoffed, “i’ve seen like, infomercials for these things. you were going to try it?” 

“yeah...i-i mean--no...i was.” 

“what’s stopping you? not curious anymore?” 

“window of opportunity passed.” 

“i don’t think so.” he grinned, matter of a fact. “i like chocolate.” 

you couldn’t quite believe what was being said to you at first. jisung, the boy that you barely knew, was standing there with his goofy heart-shaped smile and all, holding libido boosters and asking you to take them with him. 

“you do know what those are, right? what they could do?” 

immediately, he popped one in his mouth, nearly like it was a challenge. “empahsis on the “could.”” 

he held them closer to you, prompting you to take the remaining square which was flecked with little red hard-candy looking bits. 

“fine then. you’re right. what they could do.” you downed the candy, crunching it and finding that the quality was certainly not a guarantee. the thing itself tasted halfway between a tootsie roll and cold medicine. “fuck.” 

jisung laughed, throwing the rest of the bar away.

“what did you that for?” 

“i’m guessing whether they work or not, you might not need them anymore.” 

your friend’s roommate slicked his hair back, and ruffled it over his dark eyes. his face was slightly puffed with exhaustion, but it didn’t make him any less handsome. 

“so we wait now?” you asked, glancing at the clock. 

“wanna order some food or something?” he smacked his lips, “i need a fucking chaser after that.” 

~💋~

you didn’t know what time it was; late, probably. after a couple hours of realizing that nothing was really going to happen to you or your friend’s roommate, you had decided to stop expecting it. although, you had kind of hoped...

the sofa that the boys shared was just about as comfortable as you had remembered it. it was large enough to hold you and seungmin’s two roommates on better days, but, once again, random-ass college-boy stuff cluttered at least half of it. it was one of those “dumpster finds” and kind of smelled like a grandma’s house, but honestly, that was what made it so comfortable. 

the tv carried on, playing some kind of animated movie that jisung had chosen claiming that the director was some kind of “god of animation and storytelling.” you liked the colors, but soon you felt yourself being lulled and drowsy: your head felt heavy simply resting on your shoulders. 

your eyelids fogged, and the sounds from the tv set started to fade into inexistence. beside you, jisung had crossed his arms, but the lack of space had pressed both of your thighs together, and the warmth from his leg started to wash over your drowsy state. your head bobbed, swayed...then fell, directly onto his shoulder. had you been more lucid, you would have cared more. 

“oh--” he jumped slightly, and shifted awkwardly. 

the room darkened and soon all you could see was the thin line of light that your half-open eyes allowed. 

“this-this can’t be comfortable for you.” jisung hushed and clicked the tv off. “hey, you should be heading to bed anyway, it’s late.” 

“are you kicking me out, jisung?” you babbled, not really aware of your own words. 

your friend’s roommate chuckled, straightening his posture to support you. “i’m not gonna make you walk back to your place at this time of night.” 

“it’s only a couple of blocks--” 

“--you’ve slept over here before, haven’t you?” 

you stretched out your arms with a little squeak.

“yeah. on the couch.” 

“you...can’t do that. you’d have to sleep in a fucking corkscrew if you did that.” 

“yeah, i know.” you giggled, now finding yourself in a kind of stupor that made you wonder if the chocolates really were doing their job. “i’ll just take seung’s bed then--” 

“--he’s! not back...yet.” jisung hugged his arms to himself. “i dunno, shouldn’t he have his bed when he comes back?” he cleared his throat, composing himself. “of course, there’s space in my bed if you’d like.” 

“me? sleep with you?” 

“yes, with me.” just as he had before, that little challenging edge coated his tone, “only if you’re comfortable i mean. i guess that i’m forgetting that the most that the two of us have shared yet is some wack-ass chocolate so, i shouldn’t be making any assumptions.” 

“no, no!” you pounced off from the couch, reaching high to the ceiling to stretch out your sore back next. and, perhaps to let your shirt tuck up just a little bit as you did so. “i don’t have a problem with it.” 

jisung nodded, grinning in the half-lit room, cleaning away to-go boxes. you had noticed before, but the way that his triceps tensed when he moved around was really just a little too distracting. 

“you can head on in, but--be quieter about it. jeongin is sleeping in here.” 

you clicked off a sleepy salute, following the hall down exactly where you had known his room to be, but you had never entered it before. it didn’t surprise you, but it was just as messy as the rest of the place was, and you had to tip-toe around god-knows what to find your way.

after tripping on something soft and sort of damp, (which you prayed was a shower-towel) you made your way to jisung and his face illuminated by the blue-glow of his phone screen where he had immediately jumped in bed after navigating through the room much more skillfully than you had.  

“you have an issue if i sleep in my underwear?” you asked, realizing. 

jisung paused, wide eyed, but quickly fell back into his casual and cocky smirk. “i mean, that’s basically what i’m doing so...”  

“scooch over. i hope you’re not a blanket hogger or anything.” 

the bed was already pleasantly warm from jisung having occupied it. it would have felt amazing if you had been as tired as you had been moments ago, but now your entire body felt horribly wide-awake. 

“--and if you start to snore, i’m leaving you for the couch, got it?” 

jisung let out an airy laugh, shifting and creaking the bed a bit under him, “i don’t snore...for your information.” 

with the blankets pulled up to your nose, you turned to lay on your back, eyes finally adjusting to the darkness of the room. above you, the faint green glow of glow-in-the-dark stars sprinkled across the ceiling, making up constellations: from what you could make out, the big dipper was above jisung’s bed, and the little one was above jeongin’s, who peacefully slept with tiny breaths. 

jisung rolled to the side, accidently brushing his bare leg against yours. 

“night, y/n. sorry the chocolates didn’t work out. would’ve been kind of hilarious if they did.” 

“psh.” you rolled over too, closing your eyes, “you saying you would’ve taken up the opportunity to get in my pants?” 

“guess we’ll never know.” he sighed. 

~💋~

birds chirped, signaling the coming sunrise what was nearly breaking upon the horizon, and filled with deep blue sky with a type of orange-glow. the room was dim and stuffy, and noticeably much hotter than you remembered it being before. over the course of the night, you had tangled your legs with the sheets, finding them trapping you between them, and you shuffled to escape them and feel the air hit your skin. they shifted, letting you feeling the sticky mess between your legs. 

“what the--” the aching and heated desire made itself painfully obvious, soaking directly through your underwear, making a wet mess of them where you throbbed with an utterly unexplainable arousal that reverberated in your core. 

the friction from your legs only heightened the sensation, and you found yourself unwillingly rutting down into the mattress just to feel an ounce of relief. 

fuck, the chocolates, you recalled. while you had expected to feel something from them, this was twenty times more intense than anything you could have planned for. 

you were like an animal in heat, vulnerable, weak, dazed. your body set ablaze, and it only made sense to strip of any and all clothing that held you back. in your own desperation, you had completely forgotten about the man resting next to you. 

“y/n? what's--what are you doing?” jisung groggily croaked in a tone several octaves lower than you were accustomed to. your brain could only calculate it is as downright, unbelievably sexy. 

“jisung, i’m fucking burning up, an-and, i think i’m finally feeling something....are you?” 

he hadn’t noticed it at first until he did, but from where he could see where the blanket dipped all the way down to your waist, you were completely bare. with fluttering eyes, he gulped down dry. you noticed the way that he took you all in, looking at every inch of you. you reveled in how he greedily and shamelessly didn’t stop. 

under the covers, his own legs twisted. 

“me too.” he answered gravely, speaking with a low whisper.  

carefully, his tentative touch advanced under the covers, slowly reaching to your bare hip, where he settled a testing caress, squeezing harder, then cascaded down the small of your back to make you shiver. your own hand did the same, instead finding his leg and creeping your hand up and under his shirt. little space existed between the two of you, and only the panting of your heavy inhales and exhales could be heard. 

your eyes glued to his, beautifully brown and dilating, trembling a little while holding yours. from his light touches, it took every bit of your will to control yourself from launching over him. jisung’s hand fell lower, and toyed with the elastic band of your underwear which had started to feel painfully confining. each of your own fingers traveled up his torso, brushing over his chest which made his whole body shake. 

“sh-shit, i’m so fucking--” jisung started, dropping off his words to let out a wavering sigh. you didn’t need to guess any further. 

jisung slid two fingers under your elastic band, and it became too much to handle. 

“please, touch me jisung.” you whined out pitifully, clawing directly into the soft muscles of his back. 

you were shocked how quickly he had given into you, immediately crashing his lips against yours first, then using both arms to pull you into his chest so close it stole all of your breath away. you kissed him back roughly, ravenous to feel the sensation of his mouth against your own. he growled out a small groan directly into your lips, sloppily working every single corner and edge of your mouth with a devilish smile curling his own. 

lower, both of your hips met flush, grinding and twisting to create the kind of pressure that the both of you craved. limbs twisted, sweating and heated skin mingled, and you could feel every bit of his hardened cock right against your own arousal and how his shaft throbbed helplessly. 

“you taste so good.” he murmured between haphazard kisses, letting his low tone vibrate against you. 

“take these off.” you ordered, tugging at his boxers, nearly taking them off yourself. 

“take yours off.” he echoed, and you did. 

curious hands plunged deeper, delighting fingers in the slick of the other’s cum. 

“fuck.” jisung dragged the explicative over your lip where he lapped lazily into you. “don’t stop.” 

you gave him a moment’s pause, stopping to wet your palm with saliva, then met it with his cock. you worked his length with the sharp and twisting turn of your wrist, causing him to whimper out shamelessly. 

“shhh.” you hissed, pulling his lip with our teeth, “don’t want to wake up your roommate do we?” 

he nodded, biting each and every tantalizing little sound into his lip instead. your own breaths grew shallow feeling the pressure from his hand between your legs and how he had grabbed into your thigh to swing it over his hip for better access. 

“wouldn’t you like me to fuck you out, baby? fuck you like the good little cock whore that you are for me? i’ve seen the way that you look...you’ve wanted this...haven’t you?” jisung’s words were slick and luxurious despite their bite.  

to suppress the begging moan in your throat, you cupped your hand over your mouth, and pressed hard into it. 

the blanket tented from your pulling at his cock and how you rubbed over his slit: it was an ethereal sight even in the blurriness of the room. 

slowly, you leaned over to his ear, waist rocking back and forth over the sensation of his hand rubbing into you relentlessly. “don’t lie baby, you want my ass bouncing on your cock...don’t you?” 

in one movement, he swept his full body weight over yours and harshly pulled your legs back to open your entrance just for him to tease with his tip. he guided himself in slowly and meticulously, bottoming out once you had sunk your fingers into his shoulders to manage some of the screams you would have let out otherwise. 

“fuck yes, baby.” jisung growled, finding an animalistic pace that burned your whole body with white flames of pleasure. 

you grew impatient wondering furiously what his cute little pouty cheeks would look like when you fucked him from above, riding his dick. you wouldn’t wait any further, taking your grasp on his shoulders to then flip him, settling your hips over his dick which you pounced on to the tune of one of his moans slipping past, loud and guttural. 

“shut. the fuck. up.” you scolded him, throwing your hand over his pretty mouth. he whimpered out once again, eyes rolling feeling the tip of his dick reach as deeply inside of you as you would let it.  “cum inside me sungie, i won’t stop until I have every last drop.” 

jisung nodded, chest flaring as his breaths quickened. 

“cum for me baby, and i’ll cum for you...got it?” your breathy whispers scratched your throat, but you needed him to hear. 

you held his eyes which glistened with two pretty little tears that fell  as he came hard, shaking with his whole body and letting each of his gleeful moans come spiraling into your hand. 

your own heat came surging, right at your core, growing....growing...

a lamplight flashed on. 

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? WHAT THE--WHAT THE--” 

jeongin threw his sheets over his eyes, while shuddering. “I WAS FUCKING SLEEPING!!” 

his shrill scream sent you jumping out of your lust, and you scrambled off jisung’s throbbing and pink cock, and forgetting the force of gravity, which sent his cum dripping out from inside of you. in your panic, you grabbed at anything to cover up your body and his, only to get so tangled that you lost your balance on the edge of the bed and.....

~💋~

THUMP 

your body hit the wooden floor of jisung and jeongin’s room, right on your butt where you knew that it would be hurting for weeks. 

as disoriented as you were, it took you a good few minutes to realize what had actually just happened. 

“y/n?” jisung called with his groggy half-awake, half-asleep tone. “did you just fall out of the bed?” 

on the opposite side of the room, you whipped your head over to see jeongin still peacefully sleeping with his back turned to jisung’s bed.

“fuck--um, yeah. i did. shit...” 

jisung chuckled in the dark room just barely peeking with the first bits of the sunrise in streaming into the room. 

“i don’t know how you did that considering i gave you plenty of space. get back up here.” 

still dazed and brain overheating, you could have sworn you felt the little aftershocks of the orgasm that felt so real still coursing through your body. 

you felt it too: the way that your underwear had slicked. some part of it all must’ve been real. 

“jisung--” you started, not even sure if you wanted to tell him in the first place. “are you certain that you didn’t feel anything?” 

jisung turned to face you and shook his head, “no, you?” 

you hesitated, holding his eyes to see that he must have been telling the truth. 

“i just...i just had this insane dream...” 

“dream? about what?” 

“it’s hard to explain...” you trailed. 

“you look kind of shaken up, are you sure that you’re okay?” jisung extended a careful hand, and smoothed down the side of your face in the way that had felt frighteningly real only seconds ago. his hand lingered, falling down your neck and giving you goosebumps. your eyes fell to his lips, and you wondered if they would taste like you had imagined them to be. 

you leaned in closer, closing the gap. 

“it went something like this.” 

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses! 

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @lunarskzzz  @yourdaddychan @bubblelixie @spnobsessedmemes @cherrychngkyn @iwanttobangchan @bowlofblueberries @lmhmins @eunaeiekim

[skinnyducky]

lullaby (pt. 2 to cherry) // v.h.

This part went through so many changes. Originally, they weren't getting back together but I ultimately decided for Y/n to take Vinnie back because I'm a sucker for happy endings and second chances. Kinda came out longer than I wanted it too, but meh. This part is heavily inspired by the song "Lullaby" by Mariah Carey. Other than that, I hope you enjoy!

link to part 1

Word Count: 2219, unedited

WARNING: language, mentions of partying, alcohol, drugs, and a very fluffy yet cheesy ending.

---------

It had been a few months since you and Vinnie had bid your goodbyes. Within those months, you were doing great. You had aced your first semester classes, you just moved into your apartment, and you were at the highlight of your life. The only thing you lacked was someone to bask in the happiness with. To say you missed Vinnie was an understatement, but you were too prideful to actually tell yourself that.

You tried dating again, but no one could hold a candle to your Vinnie. Plus, you hadn’t been keeping up with him on social media or anything, so you didn’t know if he had moved on and forgotten you. You didn’t want to reopen old wounds, so you refrained from contacting him.

But little did you know, not a day went by that Vinnie didn’t think about you. He constantly thought about what he did, beating himself up for even having the thought of another girl while he was with you. But he didn’t know what to do. Your relationship was dying, and none of you bothered to even talk about it. So, to him, he thought there was nothing that he could do…thus causing him to do what he did. Thankfully, he didn’t go too far with the girl, but still…he knew what he did was terrible.

Dating for him was pretty much impossible. Much similar to your situation, there was no one who could fill your shoes. The way you danced around in his head during the day and ruled his dreams at night…no one could do that for him. You were one of a kind, and with as many offers he got, he was torn that none of them were from you. He was a funk…a really bad one.

His friends and housemates took notice of this and being the best friends they were, they decided to drag him out of the house and to a party at Triller Compound because that’s what every heartbroken friend needed when they’re down. To be surrounded by booze, loud music, and sweaty people…oh yeah, that’s what he definitely needed right at this moment.

“C’mon, at least smile a little bit.” Alex said, looking back the upset boy through the rearview mirror.

“Smile about what? Going to some party that I didn’t even want to go to.”

“You seriously need to get over, Y/n.” Thomas sighed, turning to Vinnie from the passenger seat. “What happened between to you two happened for a reason. You just gotta let it go.”

Mia scoffed from beside Vinnie and slapped Thomas on the shoulder. “Thomas, it’s not that easy!”

“I’m just saying, if it were me, I wouldn’t be all upset and everything.”

“So, you’re saying if we broke up…you wouldn’t be sad?” Mia responded sharply, obviously joking.

Thomas nearly choked, looking back at his girlfriend. “I-I’m not saying that. I mean, if…it’s just that…it’s different, okay. He cheated.”

“Did you have to bring that up?” Mia rolled her eyes and turned to Vinnie. “Don’t listen to him, okay. It was your relationship, and sure you messed it up, but…you still can be sad about it. I think.”

Vinnie huffed and stayed silent, no bothering to listen to anyone. He didn’t need people reminding him of his mistakes, that was the whole reason why he was being a downer. He just couldn’t forgive himself. There were no ounce of words or speeches that anyone could give him that would make him feel better. This was just something that he’d have to get over with time.

It was only minutes before they pulled up to the packed mansion and stumbled out of Alex’s car, Vinnie being the last out. He watched as his friends rushed to the house before heading inside. Upon entering the house, scenes of people grinding and drinking came into his sights. The sound of trap music filled his ears as the strong stench of weed brushed across his nose. He sneered before walking to the backyard. He scanned the area for any sober person he knew, hoping to find someone to complain about his situation to.

As he searched, his eyes landed on a familiar head of y/h/c hair. He furrowed his brows, trying to get a better view of the person. “That can’t be who I think it is,” he thought to himself as he moved in closer.

That was when you looked to side, and he caught a glimpse of your profile. His heart nearly stopped beating the minute he saw your face. He breathed hitched in his threat as he tried to keep himself from hyperventilating. He never thought he’d see you again, yet here you were…just a few feet away from him. He had forgotten the fact that you two had mutual acquaintances, so it came to no surprise that you’d come to this party.

Vinnie watched as you threw you head back in laughter at something one of your friend’s said. There wasn’t much he could do but stare at you. He didn’t know what to do. It’d be risky to even think you’d want to talk to him, so he refrained from walking up to you. He didn’t want to bring up painful memories. It was a good thing you hadn’t seen him yet.

---------

“You’re joking!” You smiled. “Come to think of it though, Bryce would be the one to try and drink tequila off your tits.”

Your friend, Y/bff/n snorted, “I know right!? I was like…sir, I am not that kind of a girl. Please have a good night.”

The two of you continued to laugh at her situation before you heard her go silent. You calmed yourself down, looking at her shocked face. Confused, you followed her eyes and turned around to see what had her so shook up. At that moment, your eyes met the very person you had least expected to see tonight…

Vinnie.

He was staring right back at you. The minute he realized you were looking back at him, he nearly freaked out. He attempted to look around, playing as if he hadn’t been eyeing you, but you had already caught him in the act.

“Is that…?”

“Vinnie, yep. That’s him.” You said, placing a hand on your hip. “I wonder what he’s doing here.”

Y/bff/n snickered. “It’s a party, Y/n.”

“I know that, but I honestly didn’t expect him to be here tonight.”

You two watched the boy look around frantically and you couldn’t help but smile a bit. You missed him and judging from the sight in front of you…it seemed as if he did too. But still, you were a bit out of the loop. Who’s to say he hasn’t already moved on. You couldn’t intrude on his happiness, that wouldn’t be fair.

“You should go talk to him.” Y/bff/n said.

You looked at her with your eyebrows raised. “You really think so?”

“It’s obvious he’s still into you, babes. And considering the fact you’ve been looking at him with those goo-goo eyes, I think you’re still into him too.”

“I don’t know, Y/bff/n. I mean…what if he’s seeing someone else.”

“There’s no way. If he’s trying that hard to pretend that he wasn’t just staring at you, he’s still hung up on you. And, even if he is seeing someone, that doesn’t mean you can’t just go and talk to him.”

You shrugged. “I guess you’re right.”

“Atta girl. Oh, and on your way back, make sure you grab me one of those little mini cakes. I’ve been craving one since we got here.”

Rolling your eyes at the foolish girl, you proceeded to leave her side and head over to Vinnie. The moment he saw you, he practically froze. You could tell he was nervous; his awkward stance and wide eyes told it all.

Within seconds, you stood before the boy, a slight grin on your face.

“Hey, Vinnie.” You greeted, placing your arms behind your back.

“Y/n, didn’t see you there!” He laughed. “Well, I did see you there but like, I wasn’t watching you or anything…yeah, totally wasn’t watching you.”

Your smile grew wider. “Yeah, sure. So, how’ve you been?”

“Good, uh…definitely good. You?”

“Um, my classes are going well, and I just got a new place…so, can’t complain.”

“That’s dope, Y/n. Glad to hear you’re doing good.”

You nodded, looking down at your feet. “Same to you. I’m sure you’re, y’know…enjoying everything with your girlfriend.”

Vinnie looked at you with a puzzled expression, your statement taking him back a bit. To be honest, he couldn’t be surprised that you thought he’d be taken by now because he thought the same about you. However, at the same time, with the way he was acting right now, he was shocked you didn’t realize he was still head-over-heels for you.

“I don’t, um…I’m not seeing anyone.”

You grinned to yourself, trying to keep your cool as you tilted your head at him. “I’m sorry, I just thought you’d be with someone.”

“It’s fine. I definitely get it. To be honest, I thought you’d be here with someone.”

“Technically, I am.” You replied.

It was at that moment Vinnie felt his heart explode and despair run through his system. He weakly put on a happy face, shooting you a thumbs up.

“That’s g-great.”

“Yeah, Y/bff/n just was dying to come with me. She’s been begging to go to one of these parties, so I thought why not?”

“Oh,” Vinnie breathed, feeling his heart piece itself back together. “So, you’re not seeing anyone?”

You shook your head. “Not right now. I’ve been on a few dates and stuff, but no one has ever made me feel like y-”

You stopped yourself, locking your lips together to keep that last word from leaving your mouth. You didn’t know why, but something in you didn’t want you sharing your feelings with Vinnie. Maybe it was the small ounce of hurt that clung to your heart like a child from Vinnie’s infidelity. Or maybe it was the slight fear that he may not want to get back together. There were so many thoughts in your head, all speaking at once. It was so loud, that you didn’t even catch what Vinnie had said to you.

“…and-…Y/n? You listening?” He tapped you gently, bringing you out of your head.

“Sorry about that. I was in my head for a moment. What were you saying?”

“I was just saying that I’m sorry for what I did. I was just so confused on where we stood in our relationship, not saying that it justifies my actions, but instead of coming to talk to you, I went and…well, did what I did. Believe me, I never meant to hurt you, and I totally understand if you don’t forgive me.”

You sighed, “I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t know where our relationship was headed either. Honestly, I was planning to break up with you that night.”

“And I ended up giving you even more of a reason to do so.”

You both laughed before meeting each other’s eyes.

“I wish we had talked about it, y’know? Communicated and all of that suff. It would’ve saved us both a heap of heartache.” You continued. “I can’t lie, even though life has been good, it sucks not being able to share it with you.”

Vinnie smirked, taking your hands in his. “Y/n, ever since we broke up…I haven’t been able to think about anything but you. I hadn’t streamed, I barely left the house…I couldn’t do anything. I just didn’t know how to function without you. You have such a hold over me…I didn’t know how to get over you.”

“I guess this whole goodbye thing really wasn’t a good idea after all.”

“No, I think it was. I think it happened for a reason. That reason being, so we can fall in love all over again.”

At this point, you were a smiling mess and there was nothing you could do to hide it. Vinnie wasn’t any better, you could tell he was in pain by the way he hadn’t stopped showing his pearly whites. It clear to both of you now that you two were still in love, if not more than before.

“That’s so sweet, Vin.” You said. “But also, cheesy. You were always the sappy one in the relationship.”

“As if, Miss Hopeless Romantic. I’m not the one who freaks out over Valentine’s Day.”

“Mmhm, sure you don’t.”

The two of you stood there for minute in silence, your hands entangled, and your gazes planted on each other. It felt good, and it was almost as if all that hurt…that fear…it was completely gone and now replaced with passion and security.

“Y/n, I know you probably have some resentment towards me, but I love you too much to care. So, if you’re willing and there’s enough forgiveness in your heart…I wanna restart, right from the beginning.”

Without much thought or hesitation, you said, “We can restart. For sure.”

“Well, in that case…Hi, I’m Vinnie.”

You smiled as the feeling of love washed over you. To say you were happy was an understatement, you were in paradise. Life was great, and now you had your boy back to share it with.

“Nice to meet you, Vinnie. I’m Y/n.”