#we love a passive king chase your escapism

[doritofalls]

i’ve seen people interpret red guy telling stain to just not look at yellow during his breakdown in the death episode as a protective gesture (”don’t look at him because it will only continue to upset him”) and while i love that it really felt like. an extension of red’s odd brand of denial? right before, he tells stain not to look at the floor where the casket rose from, and as soon as yellow’s direct response to grief pops up he tells stain to just ignore it entirely. and that’s not because red’s a bad guy or unempathetic in general (even with their wacky little cartoon dynamic, he does not lack empathy for the others), it’s because his response to grief (and in more general terms negative emotional stimuli) is just that. just continue to ignore it and repress it. which i think is extremely funny when you consider that a scene later he forcibly molds a little clay guy to be the carbon copy of his dead bestie. 

[variousqueerthings]

Daniel LaRusso: A Queer Feminine Fairytale Analysis Part Two of Three

Part 1

Part 3

6. Sexual Awakenings part 1: Love, Obsession, & Size Differences

[Insert that post talking about the creators making sure that Daniel’s antagonists were much bigger than him so that the audience would sympathise, spawning 10000 size kink fics]

I’m sure this won’t awaken anything in Daniel

Corporate wants you to find the difference between these two pictures

The hallmark of feminine fairytales tends to be growing into womanhood, with all those symbolic sexual under/overtones, searching for a prince, encountering monsters (or evil stepmothers), on the surface tending to be quite passive/reactive, but actually being about young girls and women getting out of their environment and choosing to tussle with those deep, dark desires – monsters. They’ve got to function within the limitations of power that they have – escaping an abusive situation through marriage, chasing forbidden desires under the guise of duress, asking questions about sexuality through things like symbolic plucking (flowers) or consumption (fruit) or pricking (needles), etc.

Daniel isn’t striking out to find his fortune or win a girl or a kingdom Like A Man, he’s not a threat to Silver, who – like Jareth in Labyrinth – is in control for almost the whole of the narrative, he’s not actually able to do much more than react until he makes the decision to stop training, and even then he’s immediately ganged up on and assaulted, needing to be saved by Miyagi while he stands and watches, bloodied and bruised. 

Daniel’s journey in the third movie is to be forced into an impossible situation, seduced by Silver, and then prove that whatever violence Silver did to him isn’t enough to destroy him. It is incredibly similar to Sarah’s in Labyrinth, who by the end declares: “you have no power over me,” and that’s her winning moment. Not strength, not wits, not a direct fight, (although Daniel does fight Barnes and gets beat up again – only winning in in the end by taking him by surprise, unlike in TKK1 or TKK2 where you could argue that he proves himself to be a capable physical opponent to Johnny and Chozen), but by declaring that whatever power was held over her is now void.

Daniel’s narrative isn’t satisfying in the same way, because the dynamic of Silver and Daniel only accidentally emulates this - it’s not an intention on the side of the film-makers.

When Miyagi tells Daniel that he has strong roots, when he tells him not to lose to fear and Daniel wins over Barnes (in an almost fairytale-esque set of events), on paper he’s defeated whatever hold Terry Silver has over him. In the film itself though, Daniel never defeats Silver (which will likely be confirmed once he returns in Season Four). Daniel cannot simply say “you have no power over me,” and see Silver shattered into glass shards. 

The film is a contradiction: It wants to be a masculine sports film, but it exists in the same realm as Goblin Kings seducing young girls with the promise of: “Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave.” Unlike Sarah, Daniel doesn’t claim the power that’s been promised to him on his own terms. His subtextually sexual awakening is so corrupted that all he can do is pretend it never happened.

Still, Daniel proves in the film that his strength is not in his fists. It’s in his praying to the bonsai tree that’s healed despite a violent boy brutally tearing it in two.

These looks on Daniel and Silver though?

So why does Silver become obsessed with him? What’s up with all those red outfits (that he doesn’t wear in Cobra Kai)? What does the temptation reveal about Daniel? How does it recontextualise TKK1 and TKK2? Is Daniel bisexual? (yes).

Ah, beach-Daniel, in your red hoodie and your cut-off jorts. Iconic hot-girl summer vibes. 

If you didn’t want me over-analysing this, you shouldn’t have put him in so many red outfits and then have this man leering at him like he wants to eat him alive.

Surface-level it’s not hard to read into a Dude Story: Masculine power fantasies are about strength in a very direct way. Fighting, control, suaveness – and if you’re not the most traditionally masculine of guys, asserting dominance through being a good lover or intelligent or overcoming that unmanliness in some way through beating the bully or convincing the hot girl to go out with you, levelling up in coolness. Being A Man. It’s not too dissimilar from Daniel’s arc in the first movie, if you watch it without taking later events into account, although Daniel is never interested in proving himself as a man, and more in making Miyagi proud. Still, he does win and gain respect, and arguably “get the girl,” although Ali’s interest in him was never dependent on the fight.

7. Sexual Awakenings Part 2: Sexual Assault, Liberation, and Queerness

Feminine power fantasies are often about sex. Metaphorically. More accurately it’s “owning sexuality.” Even more accurately: “Freedom.” They also inhabit a fluid space in which empowerment through monstrous desires and non-consent can happen at the same time. And on top of that, many of these “fantasies” are actually being written by men, so whose fantasy is it really? A lot of them are based in oral traditions so presumably they were originally from the mouths of women, even if modern iterations (starting with Grimm’s collections) are filtered through cis men’s perspectives.

All of that being acknowledged: In Angela Carter’s “The Company Of Wolves,” Red Riding Hood unambiguously sleeps with the wolf. Belle discovers her freedom from expectations and unsuitable suitors (and in some versions, evil stepsisters) by falling in love with a Beast (the original novel was written by a woman, the 18th century Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve). Jareth informs Sarah of his obsessive devotion to her in Labyrinth. To lean into horror for a moment – Buffy is stalked and eventually has relationships with both Angel and Spike, Lucy in Coppola’s Dracula (which I have mixed feelings about) is raped by the werewolf and Mina is stalked by Dracula, The Creature Of The Black Lagoon kidnaps Kay (the lead’s girlfriend) – subverted in both The Shape Of Water in which Eliza forms a consensual relationship with the amphibious sea-god and in the short-lived horror series Swamp Thing, in which the connection is purposefully framed as seductive…

and in The Karate Kid Part Three Daniel LaRusso punches a board until his hands bleed because an attractive, older man tells him to and in this moment he gives in to what he (thinks he) wants.

Not all of those examples are equal. Some are consensual, some are hinted as abusive and/or stalkery, all of them have large age gaps, and a few are outright non-consensual.

But they’re all fantasies.

They’re all power-fantasies.

Except for Daniel, because he’s a man and the idea that being obsessed (lusted) over by an older man who keeps you in his thrall, specifically because you tickle his fancy for whatever reason, because you’re beautiful, breakable, different – could in any way be considered empowering is a difficult concept to wrap your head around. It doesn’t contain that “but I’m a good girl, I’d never go off the path and pluck flowers if a bad wolf told me to, honest,” societal context or the social context of rape culture. It’s closest comparison is closeted (perhaps even unknown until that point) queer identity.

There have recently been some comparisons of Daniel LaRusso to Bruce Bechdel in Funhome (and everyone who says that Ralph Macchio ought to play him in the upcoming movie: you’re right and I’m just not going to enjoy it as much without him). I’ve written a post about Sam being the heir to his legacy and trauma, specifically as a queercoded man. It’s not dissimilar to the plot of Funhome in a lot of ways.

The other interesting source that’s been going around in connection with Daniel is the essay “The Rape of James Bond,” which discusses the use of sexual assault as a plot device for women and not for men: “About one in every 33 men [in the US] is raped. … [your statistically average, real life man] … doesn’t have a horde of enemies explicitly dedicated to destroying him. He doesn’t routinely get abducted, and tied up. Facing a megalomaniac psychopath gloating over causing him pain […] is not the average man’s average day at the office.” That last bit is just a descriptor of Terry Silver, (although I take issue at the blasé use of psychopath).

The two part youtube essay  Sexual Assault of Men Played for Laughs posits that there is nothing more de-masculinising than the threat of sexual assault and therefore any narrative that features this “rightfully” must mock any man who has been a victim or who fears being a victim of sexual assault. It is feminising. There is nothing more humiliating – and therefore unheroic – than a man dealing with sexual assault.

So what do we feel when we see an attractive young man being put into a vulnerable position by an older man? A trope associated with female characters, a trope that is considered unpalatable for men (see reactions that happened when the hint of sexual assault was introduced in Skyfall).

Was it the fact that he was being threatened, or the fact that James’ next line is: “what makes you think this is my first time?”

Some thoughts added by @mimsyaf​ are around the idea of safety in how a lot of cis women might relate to this narrative through Daniel’s eyes. He’s not a woman, he has – societally – more power than a girl or woman would have, which makes this a different watch to, say, if Danielle were to go through the same narrative. Daniel doesn’t carry that baggage of rape culture, or of the male gaze that you might find in a similar scenario of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Christine in Phantom of the Opera (and once more the age differences between these characters and the men who love/lust over them are substantial), which makes the narrative “safer” to engage with.

I agree with that, although as a transmasc person I also come at it differently. I specifically like to headcanon Daniel as a trans guy and find his fraught interactions with masculinity through his own non-toxic lens relatable, as well as the way other boys and men react to it – also I think Terry Silver is hot. I know there are people who write Terry Silver with female OCs, which is also a form of empowerment.

On the flipside putting Daniel in this space runs a risk of fetishising him as a queer youth who is either Innocent and Pure, or a bisexual stereotype that deserves to be assaulted for not being a real man. After all, Real Straight Men don’t run the risk of sexual assault.

 Alas, the road to empowerment never did run smooth. 

The comparisons between the way Daniel is treated by the text and how female characters are often treated in texts are undoubtedly there. Through Ralph Macchio and TIG’s casting and the direction and acting, but also within the text itself. 

It might not be with the same purpose as Neo’s symbolically trans journey, but it puts the whole narrative that Daniel’s going through from TKK1 under a different light than if there had only been one movie that ended on a triumphant sports win and a girlfriend.

Johnny’s masculinity and the use of tears as liberation, now that’s a whole other analysis….

[hyena-frog]

How do you prefer your characters - driving the plot or driven by the plot?

My kneejerk reaction is to say it depends on the story! And it does! But when I think a little more, I realize it’s easier for me to get invested in active characters over passive ones.

I’m going to make this about Red Rising because of course I am. 😆 Darrow is the most plot-driving-ist character to ever drive a plot. (In modern literature anyway. Edmond Dantès will always be the king of driving his own story.) That’s why we all love Darrow, though, right? At least one reason of many. He’s got goals, he achieves them. We get sucked into his story easily because his sheer force of will is so mesmerizing. I wish he’d relax once in awhile but his ability to power through any inconvenience to achieve his goals is admirable. I wish I had even a sliver of the energy for this stuff that he has. He’s like Allura from Voltron in that way. Always in motion, always fighting for a cause that benefits the entire universe, rather than for themselves.

This got me thinking about Lyria and why so many people don’t like her POV as much as the others. I think it’s partially because she is passive, driven by the plot, a leaf blowing in the wind created by other character’s actions, for most of Iron Gold, and the impression stuck. I could be petty and point out that Ephraim also got pushed and pulled by the choices of other characters in Iron Gold, and people like him a lot... but I won’t. 😇

I can sort of understand it. Not the vehement hate part, I’ll never understand that, but I can understand why so many people didn’t click with Lyria at first in Iron Gold. I’ve always liked Lyria, but I didn’t start getting emotionally invested in her until her escape from the back of Ephraim’s hovercar. Before that, I enjoyed her POV mostly for the worldbuilding it provided, but not her as a person, really. Then suddenly she was running through the slums of Hyperion, being chased by Obsidians, and that was thrilling. Watching her choose between either disappearing into the city to avoid punishment, or turning herself into the authorities because it’s the right thing to do, was the moment she clicked for me as a person I enjoy following. It was the first time she showed agency, and in Dark Age, she only got better and better at driving her own plot. Spitting acid on would be rapists? Hell yes, girl!

So that’s why I’ll say it really depends on the story but I lean heavily toward characters who are active and drive the plot. I’m curious about other people’s thoughts on this, so please feel free to chime in!

[danwhobrowses]

One Piece Chapter 998 - Initial Thoughts

And we are back in the room. Returning from the week break puts One piece on track for that juicy Christmas Chapter 1000 release. We are inches away but nobody’s at the top of the dome, so let’s see how it goes!

Spoilers for Chapter 998, also support the Official Release

We all thought we’d be getting Straw Hat-oriented cover pages now that the cover story is over and yet we got Enel XD That mouse is so ticked off as well I love it

Marco makes a great first impression for the crew by *checks notes* setting Chopper on fire!

Of course, it’s passive healing flames but Brook and Zoro didn’t know that, given how well he dodged both of them you have to wonder how powerful Marco is at 100%

And the Mink Doctors have arrived too, with a lab ready to mass-produce the antibody, so this floor is almost golden for the crew

I can’t believe anyone there is gonna believe Queen telling them that Chopper wouldn’t save them when he and Marco have done nothing but show them how to survive the virus Queen made so far

Marco knows that Zoro wants up, and Brook and Robin coming along too definitely won’t go amiss, both seem to have a way of handling the other Yonko up there

And the Yakuza bosses will hold off the enemy for Chopper, which is nice since these guys haven’t been seen too much

Apoo, just...sit down somewhere. He just got munched by Drake, which becomes enough for Zoro to be okay with letting him hold off any higher tiered enemies

Luffy your haki is fine, it’s your simp energy that’s not on Sanji’s level XD not that it should be

But alas Jimbei decides to stay behind now and with all these cat-themed enemies you know who this would be

Back to Franky though and Sasaki has been forced to fight himself, a Triceratops DF. It’s fine I mean I was learning on an Ankylosaur DF but it still looks good, got enough force and size to match up with General Franky now

Over with the Simp though and his escapes are futile, Black Maria is an ancient spider, but just not the Jorogumo. Just a Rosamygale - the oldest known genus of non-Aranea spiders, so like Tarantulas and Trapdoor spiders. Like Sasaki it’s fine (and one has to wonder how all the goods are not out for show given how loose that kimono is) but it wasn’t an improvement of what I’d hoped

Sanji though yes there are all women here but have you looked at all the women there individually? Not all of them are lookers

And that leaves one more of the Flying Six, Sabretooth Who’s Who. Kinda guessed this one, what with all his cat-themed, including his sexy cat girls, but also gotta like Old Red Cat lady and shady Rabid Pedro

Who’s Who doesn’t wanna show his face though? Interesting, would he be recognizable to the audience as well as Jimbei?

Also worth noting that Jimbei is on the 4th Floor, so that means Luffy is in the 5th and closing in on the Dome itself

Ulti and Pay-Pay though have made it past Hihimaru and come chasing after Nami, Tama and Usopp from outside the dome. I dunno what it is but Ulti seems to be drawn differently doesn’t she? Could be that we haven’t seen her full Zoan but she seems more cartoonish, maybe I’m just more used to her hybrid form

She definitely wants to hurt Nami, but that could mean we have a Round 2

But over at the storage area (wasn’t Law near there?) Yamato has found a safe spot for Momo, next to a giant dragon statue! Turns out it was a broken ornament which can explain why it looks like it’s been sucker punched

And of course, it was Ace. Who Yamato calls their friend and was gonna kill Kaido! New info on the Ace in Wano story huh? Clearly he failed and thus meant he failed Tama but was a deal struck? This was Pre-Whitebeard after all and for Yamato to be friends with him meant there was at least some extensive interaction, unless it was a friendship forged in the ‘many battles’ Yamato spoke of before to Luffy.

So yeah, looks like battle lines are being drawn again! It’s a bit concerning however that it’s the Tobi Roppo getting these fights while Queen and King don’t do anything. Luffy looks to make the top of the dome, which may be a reflection of any Ace content we’re about to learn too. And with Brook, Robin and Zoro about to skip the floors to support Luffy and the Scabbards against Kaido and Big Mom we’re sure to be getting more fights

I am still curious over Tama’s 3 minutes and Yamato’s alternative form but of course the arc doesn’t end at Chapter 1000 so we still have plenty to go, I will say though that the pacing was a teensy bit rushed here, we got the rest of the Tobi Roppo’s DF with little fanfare and then one page later that’s the chapter! Was kinda hoping for more, and for Sanji to contribute more to this Chapter. We cannot underestimate these guys though, remember they were all captains of their own ships in the New World, so they are bound to be formidable.

We haven’t heard much from Peros vs Carrot and Wanda yet mind you, plenty of factors still in waiting and both 999 and 1000 are said to be color spreads, so a lot still to look forward to.

[save-the-spiral]

fellow wiz/tma fan here: if your wizards were in the TMA universe, what fears do you think they would serve?

(link to entities page on The Magnus Archives Wiki, comprised ENTIRELY of spoilers.)

This is completely incomprehensible unless you listen to like an entire like three seasons of podcast. Luckily, I have, because I’m HYPERFIXATING bitches. 

This is my full list of current OCs (aside from wicked beau wright, who is SO undeveloped I dont even KNOW), not all are developed, feel free to ask about them. I have a google doc to keep track or I FORGET. if anyone wants me to do npcs hit me up, im already planning one for the eleven w101 schools and 5 p101 classes.

ALSO I TURNED AROUND AT ONE POINT AND THOUGHT THE LAMP BEHIND ME WAS AN EYE. SO IM DOING GREAT. (ALSO HAD TO TURN A LIGHT ON AFTER A BIT)

WIZARD101

Irisi- The End. Her fear of ghosts, the undead, and the inevitability of death ruled her for a time. She had to overcome it, venture deep into previously resting tombs, entangle with mummies, wraiths, banshees, and simple ghosts. She found a fondness in learning their stories, and she watches her aging adoptive father, Alhazred, and wonders when he will turn into something that simply stops, or if he will linger, and they will chat.

Mahamari Jade- The Buried. Her life magic is nurtured by the earth, and that was a quick fall into allowing herself to be buried alive, to choke on the mud and clay. She had a fear of being confined into one role, and broke free. But now the rock and dirt fuel her magic, the worms nurture it, and she finds a detached peace in returning to the earth from whence she came.

Emrys Pyre- The Lonely. He has self isolated ever since his first great trauma, believing if he had not been a fool, had not dragged his younger sister along, he could have prevailed on his own. It is his deepest failing, and the Forsaken has hooked him deeply in his belief that he alone can survive.

Quyen Jade (Serpentine King)- The Hunt. While others prefer a more active chase in the hunt, there is an aspect of waiting. Not all predators can spend their days racing after the next meal. Lions sleep for most of their day, after all. Snakes as well, feasting only when necessary. When Quyen finds the necessary moment, and strikes, he never hesitates, and the venom and blood call to him.

Morelle RavenHunter- The Hunt. When slighted by the Ravens of Grizzleheim, she began to hunt them down, to prove a point. It is how she gained that name, Raven Hunter. She gave that name to her wife and child, as well.

Morae RavenHunter- The Slaughter. She is not an active avatar, one touched but not guided. Her chronic pain, caused by a sudden attack fueled only by bigotry and ignorance, haunts her. That, as well as her own organs waging war, causing pain, lead to a fear of that pain, a fear of sudden attacks. 

Ianthe RavenHunter- The Corruption. His magic has always taken well to fungus, to mushrooms that feed on decay. At first her fascination with pretty, bio-luminescent mushrooms drew her in, but how quickly we fall once we get a taste.

Leo Nightside- The End. For all he loves animals, finds them good companions, he is a necromancer. His respect for death only extends as far as he is willing to bend the rules. 

Noah DreamTamer- The Stranger. He has redefined himself so often he forgets who he was, doesn’t want to know the person he was born as. He loses people. He doesn’t remember her voice, how tall she was. He has to become someone he is not to continue on, and not simply stop in place and never move again, not even to breathe.

Haley RainTamer- The Vast. Her fear of heights is unrivaled, ever since a bad broomstick accident where she broke her wrist at age 10 or so. One day the sky will claim her, and until then, she will look up, practicing the magic of the storms that she allows herself to believe rule it.

Fledge- The Desolation. They are so angry, stolen from their home. They are willing to inflict that pain on any who stand in their way, to take short cuts, to technically get the job done to ‘save the spiral’. They find a certain dark joy in how the professors and students of Ravenwood Academy despair when they hear of the fight taking place outside of their own world.

Ursae- The Vast. Not the sky, but the sea. She is a mermaid, of Celestia. Not many know of the deep trenches, the branching and convoluted caves under the sea, the endless darkness. She survives there, and stares back out of the endless depths.

Kestrel RainbowWeaver- The Eye. She sits idly by, content in her passive inaction. She was locked away in a time vault in Dragonspyre, and escaped. Her current events became history books and scrolls. So now, she smiles vacantly from her blacksmithing shop, and asks for idle gossip, and learns about Wizard City.

Elissa Silvertusk- The Web. Taken in, pulled by her own lack of initiative. Her life changed from where it was before, being pulled and puppeted by her mother’s vindictive whims, until now she lives in the web’s embrace, following orders, content to allow someone else to do the worrying, and let herself be dragged along.

PIRATE101

Darling Alexander Dove- The Flesh. He has no concept of the sanctity of sentient bodies. He holds no respect. Of course, he derives no entertainment when his victims are dead, unable to struggle, unable to dance alongside him in a macabre display of skills and how prettily a blade can cut into skin, fur, feathers, and then deep into the muscle, the bone, the flesh itself. It takes a long time to recognize what has gripped him. 

Darcy ‘Rusty’ Rhode- The Stranger. She becomes who you expect. She is docile, dumb, ditsy. She giggles at what you say even when it is not funny. Her eyes glint with excitement at the simplest of things, cooing over you. She is just another dumb broad, a woman who flips her long hair and drawls out things, bats her eyes. She becomes someone you do not know when she strikes, kicking you down and then again, pulling out a pistol and winking as if it is a joke you were both in on when she fires right between your eyes.

Zenobia Ire- The Vast. She lost her parents to the storm. She grew up having a connection to it, fearing it, but the way the thunder in those vicious Grizzleheim storms would thrum through her body like knuckles rapping against the tight skin of a drum, it calls to her.

Carlyle Nightngale- The Spiral. He lies, of course. Easily. He is a man of science, but nonetheless, no one can know in this Pirating side of the Spiral. So he tells tall tales of witchdoctors, the same thing every one of these ‘hoodoo practictioners’ claim, even if it’s all a ruse so they all can practice their own spirituality or science in peace. He never tells people what he is doing, simply smiling until they think they are in on what doesn’t exist.

Vitale Florus- The Lonely. He has been consumed by his on insecurities, but even before that, he was one of the few humans alone in a sea of automatons. All he was raised by was cold machinery. So he sits, alone, and tends to a secret garden he knows would be destroyed if he let anyone know. It is easier to not speak to anyone else.

[katasstrophey]

Loving You Is Poison

In honour of Tee’s Birthday M’Baku gif challenge!!

Happy very very very belated birthday @great-neckpectations I hope this tickles your fancy ❤️

Part 1 of 1

Pairing: M’Baku x OC

Length: 1.1k + words

Summary: he loves her + she loves him (maybe). They’re not good without each other but aren’t that great together either.

Warning: slight choking (not to be perceived as suitable romantic behaviour).

“Hi.”

The second M’Baku breathes out the word he curses himself. Out of all the things he could have uttered, the only thing he had found to say was “hi”. He had imagined this scene hundreds of times in his head and dreamed of what he was to say when his eyes finally fell upon hers. A fateful reunion worthy of a thousand tales.

He had had much time to think of this moment while she was gone. A lot of free time to ponder on many things; about how he had let her go or more so of how she had slipped from his grasp. He had thoughts of grabbing her and crushing his lips on hers or simply caressing her cheek and whispering the three little words he so desperately wanted to hear back from her.

“I love you”

“I missed you”

“Don’t leave me”

None of those phrases were shared between the pair; just a lame greeting from M’Baku and silence from her.

That suffocating silence embraced the two as the woman’s eyes took in the man that stood before her in a cold yet calculating manner.

She stood straighter than she ever had, M’Baku thought, a true warrior she had become indeed.

Her words were heavily weighted as, reluctantly, the woman spoke up.

“If that will be all I would like to be excused, your highness.”

M’Baku’s heart clenched painfully as he shifted in the seat of his throne.

A predator at the mercy of its prey.

A king at the mercy of his servant.

Clearly sensing his inner turmoil, the woman did nothing to appease the Jabari tribe leader and instead attempted to make her way towards the door of the room she had been summoned to.

“Kitana wait!” M’Baku had gotten to his feet in a quick instant at the sight of his beloved’s imminent departure.

At the sound of her name, the woman froze in her stride.

Her back was to him so M’Baku could not see how her jaw was painfully clenched.

Swiftly, she turned around to meet the face of the Jabari tribe leader.

“It is General Kitana now, your highness.”

Those words were spit out with such fury that the man they were directed to felt as though he had just been impaled by the sharpest knife.

To say he was hurt was an understatement. M’Baku had yearned for the moment he would be face to face with the woman he had yearned for and it seemed she had been waiting for such a moment as this to spit in his face.

The heart that had clenched painfully just moments ago hardened. M’Baku lazily stood back down upon his throne and leaned back to make the delivery of his blow even more disheartening.

“So T’Challa made you another one of his whores?”

Those words were spoken from a place of bitterness for M’Baku was very much bitter that she had left and for the Dora Milaje nonetheless; those bitter-filed words were therefore said quickly regretted the second they escaped his lips.

It seemed as though, when it came to her, he could do nothing right.

A bitter smile appeared on Kitana’s face as she nodded slowly, opting to take a few menacing steps towards the man who had just brazenly insulted her.

“Of course, he still has not reached your monumental whore quota,” she retorted sarcastically, “however, unlike you, King T’Challa is a humble man who needs not to have his carnal desires satisfied by whatever harpy comes his way.”

In what seemed like a flash, M’Baku had gotten back up and roughly pushef Kitana against the wall, one of his hands wrapped tightly around her neck.

“You dare insult me, in my throne room?” He roared.

To such a great show of anger, Kitana let out a laugh.

That man had truly not changed.

“You dare squeeze a little tighter and I’ll have you on the floor begging for mercy,” she replied passively, eyes refusing to leave his.

A moment passed.

M’Baku’s hand slowly unfastened its way around Kitana’s neck, but he remained dangerously close to her, enough to smell the cocoa butter scent that he knew would come from her skin.

He towered over her, Kitana observed. He did so as he had done countless of times before. This time, she took the time to take him all in; with guns no longer blazing, she found him truly beautiful.

“Did you stop loving me?” M’Baku whispered, his eyes showing no trace of anger, but of something Kitana had craved to see in his irises some years ago.

The Jabari tribe leader leaned down, wanting to make sure that when she answered he would be able to feel her breath on his.

“Did you stop loving me?”

“You’re a fool,” M’Baku responded breathlessly.

She was so close. If only he would lean a little bit closer and if only she would shift a little bit forward-

“We can’t be doing this, your highness…” Kitana trailed off. All the defenses she had put up dwindled as the hand M’Baku had wrapped around her neck cupped her cheek.

“Say my name,” M’Baku drawled, “or I’ll make you do so Kitana, don’t test me.”

What was said and what was desired were two totally different things.

In fact, M’Baku wanted Kitana to test him. He wanted to feel her shrivel up and let out a gasp of surprise as his lips met the flesh of her neck. He wanted to make her yell out his name like she had done so years before; when things weren’t so complicated.

And if M’Baku knew the woman that stood in front of him as much as he thought he did, he was certain that she would never back down from a challenge; that was why he remained forever infatuated.

Kitana on the other hand was tired. 

She was tired of the games, of the running around and of the chasing. They were no longer children to be fooling around as though the cruel words they threw at each other didn’t, with time, pierce and weaken their resolve.

She closed her eyes for a second, only to revel at the fact that, after so long, she was back in his midst. 

M’Baku took this as an invitation to begin their dance once more. His lips hovered only a few inches from her neck when she spoke up.

“M’Baku, stop.”

It was his turn to freeze.

The Jabari leader stepped back from the woman he had, a few seconds ago, thoughts of ravishing.

Confusion would not even be enough to describe what M’Baku was feeling at the moment. He stood there stuck and looked Kitana once more. She was no longer the same woman she was when she had left his side.

M’Baku knew not whether that would be a good or bad thing. So far, this apparent growth had not shown itself to be in his favor.

Kitana excused herself once more and this time successfully. M’Baku could do nothing more than watch as she slipped from his fingers once more.

It seemed as though in the cat and mouse game they had been playing for a number of years, she had become the prey; a feline who had no apparent desire for rodents any longer

A/N: Did y’all miss me? I’ve been MIA forreal, but i’m kinda back! This piece is a little out there and not that super clear, but I still hope you enjoyed this lil tidbit!

[bunny-wan-kenobi]

Thor Thoughts Part 3: Come Home Brother

Part 3 of my series of reflections on Thor–this one’s a doozy (because, FEELINGS), so see below the cut:

The Elevator Scene

Right after @vitoliel and I saw Thor Ragnarok, we talked about the Elevator Scene. In a movie bursting with quips and big laughs, this brief pause with Thor and Loki stood out because it was one of the few times we actually see them address the whole complicated history between them and all the betrayal and hurt and frustration wrapped up in it. 

Thor: Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were going to fight side-by-side forever, but at the end of the day you’re you and I’m me and… oh, maybe there’s still good in you but… let’s be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.

Loki: Yeah… it’s probably for the best that we’ll never see each other again.

Thor: That’s what you always wanted.

What’s special about this scene (other than being the PERFECT preface to pinnacle of Marvel comedy “Get Help”) is that it represents another turning point for these brothers, who we have seen throughout these movies as family, rivals, enemies, and tenuous allies. Now, seconds before the action ramps up again, we get this goodbye moment with two men whose paths have come together once more, and it’s sad. 

A huge part of this gravity owes itself to Tom Hiddleston’s emotionally-layered performance as Loki where we actually glimpse the uncertainty and hurt crossing his face as he glances at Thor. Meanwhile, Thor is speaking to him, eyes straight-ahead, looking outwards. This moment is an inhale, a moment big with possibility because we know as viewers that it doesn’t end here (these two overpowered Norse idiots are always going to find each other anyway), but until the payoff comes later, we’re left with the quiet tragedy of this farewell. 

What Do You Mean Indifference?! 

There is a lot to unpack here, but what was startling to me was how different @vitoliel and my interpretations for this scene were. I went on and on about how this scene was so moving because here’s Thor loving his brother so much that he’s giving him the space and distance to make his own choices (even if he doesn’t agree with them) and is moving on himself. When I finished (I’m definitely the passionate-monologuer type), my friend paused and shared that what came across to her was Thor’s indifference to Loki and how deeply that must have hurt. 

Wait–what? Indifference?! What did she mean–couldn’t she see that this was Thor letting go, letting Loki live his life and–oh. Oh. I stopped my indignant sputtering and let my friend continue. She somehow put her finger on what I had totally missed: To Loki, it looked like Thor had given up on him, and that indifference was more painful than hate. 

A new question dawned on me: What if Loki never wanted his brother to stop chasing him? Even if he never said so, acted instead like it didn’t matter, like the distance between them didn’t sting, what if he still yearned to be considered worth pursuing, worth that effort? What if he just wanted the security and constancy of that one hand reaching out to him, even though there was no certainty of him ever reaching back? 

It hit me that I didn’t think of this before because I was looking at Thor and Loki’s relationship through the lens of an older sister. In so many ways, I resonate with Thor’s optimism, his faith in people’s potential for good…and his dogged protectiveness of his family. 

When Watching Thor Turns Into Family Therapy  

I have two siblings, a sister and brother, and I’m horribly guilty of the same kind of bear-huggy, smothery love Thor is inclined towards. Like Thor can’t help trying to bring people to himself, bring them together and close, I can’t help but reach out towards my siblings, whether it’s through way too many ice cream cones and Broadway outings to nosy (well I think just curious) questions about their love lives, their classes, their jobs. 

I’d like to say that they are equally responsive to this outreach and we have relationship-building, soul-searching conversations together ALL the time…but it’s not like that. My sister is more reserved with her affection and inner world, though always energetic, mobile, and with her own blend of snark and good sense. My brother steps towards adulthood and is far from the little boy who used to lean into my shoulders when afraid or tired. 

In the past, when they warded off my attempts to hear what they were up to, I used to press them, ask follow-up questions, try again and again. I didn’t have the closeness with my siblings that I craved, and I wasn’t satisfied settling for a call once a month–if even that. So I put up with the eye-rolling and sighs that headlined that I was being overbearing, smothering, nosy. 

But I got tired. Things weren’t matching up to the harmonious picture of sibling love and unity that I somehow kept striving for. I wasn’t even sure if it was realistic to want it–maybe I was asking too much of my siblings. Maybe we were all too different from each other and I should be okay with that. So I allowed for some distance, called less, and didn’t push my questions when I did. 

Blindspots

Reflecting now upon the Elevator Scene with Loki and Thor, I wonder if me and Thor share not only the same sometimes-overbearing affection for our siblings–but also the same blindspots. Our situations are totally different–none of my siblings have tried to take over the Earth with an alien army or pretend to be our dad to rule the house (though I’m sure my sister could do anything she puts her mind to), but in some ways I have mirrored Thor’s giving up on the possibility of a deeper connection and healing with our siblings.nbsp; 

My tendency is to be a people-pleaser and keep the peace, whether it’s good to let things lie or not, and so I didn’t want to inconvenience my siblings or reach out too much that it would alienate them. I thought I was doing this out of love, and I thought it came across that way…but what if it didn’t? What if my distance is not the freedom Thor and I frame it as, but a reflection of our own resignation to the way things are with our siblings? 

And to a large degree, it is. I mean, Thor has tried SO MANY TIMES to reach out to Loki, confront his harmful behaviors, remind him that they are family, and tell him to come home. You see this most in Avengers when Thor points to all the good memories of their brotherhood as proof that they could have that again:

Thor: I thought you dead.

Loki: Did you mourn?

Thor: We all did. Our father…

Loki: YOUR father! He DID tell you my true parentage, did he not?

Thor: We were raised together, we played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?

Loki: I remember a shadow, living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss, I who was and should be king!

……………..

Loki: I AM a king!

Thor: Not here! You give up the Tesseract! You give up this pointless dream!… You come home.

But again, despite the insistence on family bonds and coming together, there are blindspots. Thor simply doesn’t fully understand Loki’s motivations or the demons he’s wrestling with. He makes assumptions about Loki’s power grab based on his perceptions and limited information and dismisses the rest as “imagined slights.” Ouch…that must have stung Loki.

And not only that, but it’s possible that Thor didn’t consider how he has contributed to Loki’s sense of alienation and disillusionment or that it’s simply not possible for them both to go home and have things be the way they were. Loki’s foundations have shattered too much and there’s been too much conflict between them to go back. Thor wants to understand, but there’s a lot going on in Loki under the surface that he just doesn’t see. He says that they are “brothers,” but how do the actions line up with this label from Loki’s point of view?  

Seeing where Thor misses the mark with Loki makes me afraid of what I am missing when I interact with my siblings. I love them and like to define myself as a good older sister, but what if I’m like Thor–all good intentions but causing more hurt rather than helping? This isn’t all me and Thor’s fault since there are just things you don’t see under the surface, and we’re not perfect, but the anxiety of it leaves you in a lose-lose situation because you don’t want overwhelm your siblings with your concern and care…but you also don’t want to lose them. 

It is all too easy for me to relate to Thor, and by the time the events of The Dark World come around, I feel his weariness and frustration. He wants so much to trust Loki, to be close to him again, but after seeing his compassion met with betrayal and bitter mockery one to many times, Thor is about *this close* to being done. And by Ragnarok, it looks like he is. 

A Way Home

Now, whether the elevator conversation is Thor’s way of using reverse psychology on Loki, banking on his betrayal as part of his greater plan, I do think Thor’s words reflect just enough truth of what he’s actually feeling. Maybe he wants to be indifferent to Loki and let him do whatever he wants–that casual passivity would be the easier path. But whatever Thor says, his actions (as always) reveal that there’s still a small stubborn part of him that holds hope for Loki and the brotherhood they could reclaim. 

So what does Thor do? He anticipates Loki’s betrayal, but I think he also gives him an opportunity to come back. He leaves him trapped in an electric bind on the ground, but instead of tossing the remote or taking it with him to cement his action, he places it just close by enough. Not only that, he has already engineered a prison break with compatriots he knows will be headed this way to escape Sakaar. 

Now the choice is again up to Loki. There is a hand reaching out, fragile, uncertain, maybe, but with enough hope to envision the possibility of Loki rejoining Thor and helping save lives rather than simply manipulate or destroy them. And you know what? Loki takes the hand, and when he shows up on Asgard to save the day, it isn’t surprise you see on Thor’s face–it’s joy. 

The coda of Ragnarok provides the response to the question posed by the conversation of Elevator Scene. Loki and Thor are different, and the choices they have made and their outlook on the world mean they will not always understand or align with each other. Each has wronged the other, and they’re only beginning to deal with that. But that doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive with them standing by each other’s side when most needed. Maybe they don’t need to put distance between them to find a way for them both to move forward–maybe that’s not even what’s best for them. 

The alternative is more complicated: choosing to work through the pain and tensions of the past to figure out what being brothers looks like now after everything they have been through together. Thor can learn to listen, continue on his journey of open-mindedness and meet his brother where he is. Loki can learn to heal, trust in the love and care offered him as he reworks what his place in the world is–both the mischief and the heroism. They can figure out how they can be equals in the way they never were before. 

This post wasn’t meant to be so lengthy or anything, but seeing Ragnarok hit me in a way I didn’t expect. And after seeing Loki and Thor wrestling with these deep issues, maybe I won’t stop reaching out to my own siblings–even when it’s hard to. I won’t blame myself for when things don’t go the way I hoped, for the things outside of my control or the things they do, but I won’t let it deter me either. I can’t fix everything, and neither is it up to me to, but I can model care to the people who matter to me and take ownership of that. Me and Thor will stay stubborn and love our siblings the best way we can and never apologize for trying. It’s a new world after all, and maybe we just need to rediscover what home is before heading there. 

Thor Thoughts: Part I, Part 2

[thatfictionalgal]

Sansa & Daenerys, a parallel

Basically what the title implies. I’ve been annoyed about all the Sansa hate and biased comparisons to Dany (which usually amount to who is the better victim). SO while pondering it, I started to notice similar plot points between the two and thought I’d share. Read on and find out.

Political Prisoners/Fugitives

One of the more obvious points is how Dany and Sansa have been prisoners and fugitives of the crown. Daenerys had to flee Westeros in order to survive Robert's Rebellion and was under threat of death at any given time. While this was Daenery's origin story, this is Sansa's main arch through the books and show. She is kept as a political prisoner of the Lannisters and had to become a fugitive when accused of murdering Joffrey. Both women would be killed by the crown if given the chance.

2. Abused and Survived

No one could argue that Viserys and Joffrey are misunderstood bundles of joy. Both have exercised physical and mental abuse throughout their time with Dany and Sansa. A key difference is that Dany was able to confront her abuser and played an active role in his downfall. Meanwhile Sansa had no real means to confront Joffrey (aside from sass) about his abuse and played an unknowing passive role in his demise. Also, Viserys and Joffrey had some of the most rewarding deaths in the series.

3. Political Marriages, aka Everybody Wants Their Stuff

Daenerys and Sansa have been some of the most eligible bachelorettes in the series. Both have had numerous connections and would-be suitors after their titles, connections, or dragons. Daenerys was used to secure a Dothraki army (Khal Drogo), barter ships for dragons (Xaro Xhan), and Mareen's stability/crown (Hizdhar zo Larqu). Sansa has mainly been used for her claim to Winterfell and the North but she has connections to the Vale through her maternal side as well.

4. Good first husbands and protectors. (Also another side parallel.)

Its easy to say that their first marriages were the best situation possible for each character. Khal Drogo was protective and loving of Dany throughout their marriage. (Fuck you DD for your reinterpretation of their wedding night, you monsters.) This was probably the first time Dany felt safe and cherished so it allowed her to build out of her abused shell into her own power. He killed Viserys when he tried to take Dany away and promised to take the Dothraki across the sea to take the Iron Throne when he learned of the assassination attempt.

Tyrion Lannister has been protecting Sansa Stark since he arrived in King's Landing. He even bitch slapped Joffrey when he caught the boy using his guards to strip and humiliate Sansa. While a notable playboy, Tyrion vowed not to touch Sansa until she wanted him and did what he could to treat her well. This would have been a good match had things not gone sideways such as the Red Wedding and Joffrey being killed. It's enough that Sansa remembers as Tyrion being kind to her and defended him against people who misspoke of him (ex: Aunt Lysa).

It seems both women's characters are also close to their first husbands characters as well. Where Dany has adopted the role of conqueror like Khal Drogo would be proud of and Sansa has started to develop into a sensible political figure like Tyrion was as hand of the king. Just interested side parallel.

5. Rise in personal power.

Keeping in mind that Dany's storyline and archs are several steps ahead of Sansa's, her rise to personal power correlates with Sansa's fall. Dany becomes a formidible general, a beloved breaker of chains, and the all mother to the slave class. She proves time and time again how clever she is in her battle decisions, how underestimating her is a death wish, and her devotion to the less fortunate. People would kill and die for Dany. Her personal power is the most obvious growth and display.

( Nothing says personal power like crowd surfing in a mob that’s grateful to you)

Sansa's is quieter and again, a few steps behind Dany. Her ability to coerce people and her political savvy is starting to become more noticiable as season 7 goes on. In season 6, she uses her lineage to round up the Northern Lords to fight for Jon and uses the Vale Knights to come to Jon's aid at a crucial moment in battle. In season 7, we see her advising Jon on politics and so far seems to be using everyone around her to bolster Winterfell as a safe haven against invaders. More evidence will become available as the seasons go on but we are starting to see Sansa's rise in power.

6. The Turning of Public Opinion

Both women have had to deal with mob mentality at some point in the show which left them rattled and disillusioned about 'the people'. For Dany, it was the abandonment of the Dothraki after Khal Drogo died and her entire arch in Maereen. Invading and killing the Maereen nobles led to the Sons of the Harpy. Executing White Rat turned the 'mesa' worshipping slaves into an angry riot that through the city into chaos. I'm not entirely convinced that Dany was able to recover that ground with her people.

(Could not find a good gif of the slaves turning on Mareen so here’s Dany fleeing)

When Sansa was engaged to Joffrey, the public was generally happy until Ned Stark was accused as a traitor. She quickly went from a beloved Northern daughter to a traitor by extension and used as a pawn. There was also the Kings Landing riot where she was seperated from the King's party and had to be rescued by the Hound before she was attacked. She watched as the public turned on the Lannisters before turning back once Joffrey was engaged to Margery and there was some stability because people were being fed.

7. Creepy mentors who love and betray them

Jorah “Friendzone” Mormont was actively spying on Daenerys for Varys and King Robert in the beginning. While living beside her and watching her, Jorah eventually came to love Dany and switched teams. He even actively pursued her before being turned down and acted as guide/mentor/friend/father-figure for her throughout his time with her. So when she learned of his betrayal, Dany was heartbroken and banished him from her side. He kinda-sorta makes up for it in the show by bringing her Tyrion and chasing after her when she's recaptured by the Dothraki but hasn't been forgiven fully.

Petyr “Creepshow” Baelish has been creeping on Sansa both in the show and the books. While he initially seemed to use her as a pawn or a Catlyn keepsake, he's also spent enough time where he could have fallen in love with her behind the scenes. (Although I do believe he's projecting his feelings for Cat and his grand scheme of the Iron Throne onto Sansa.) He's the main instigator for Ned's death and (in the show) married her off to Ramsey Bolton, nee Snow. Because of his multiple claims to care for her and to trust him, Sansa felt betrayed that Petyr would leave her in the hands of Ramsey, whether he was aware or not. Despite her desire to separate from him, Sansa ended up using Petyr and his connections to secure a win in the BoB. Not completely redeemable since it aligns with his plans and Sansa doesn't seem eager to forgive him any time soon.

8. Back to the Start and Turning it on it's Head.

The show's storyline ultimately brings both Sansa and Daenerys back to where they were last truly happy. For Daenerys, it was at the Khal's great city where her baby was proclaimed He Who Mounts The World and bringing her back full circle to the Dothraki. Except now the Khals are deciding what to do with her since she refused to do her duty as a Khal Widow and return to live as a priestess passing out horse hearts. Now that she's come to power, Dany is less than amused at being brought low again so she sets all the Khals on fire and she gains the whole Dothraki horde.

For Sansa, she's back in Winterfell and everything seems tense-but-fine until Ramsey shows his true colors to her. Again, Sansa has to endure a sadist's attention but this time she looks for a few ways out. Ultimately she escapes with Theon in tow and into Jon's arms. There she uses her newfound personal power to inspire Jon to take back Winterfell, round up the Lords, and use the Vale Knights to win the BoB. Now that she's come into her own power, Sansa is able to face her abuser and actively orchestrate his execution (or at least it's assumed between one scene and another).

9. Everybody underestimates you.

Daenerys is a silly little princess who can't possibly know multiple languages and should let the men around her take over. HA!

Sansa Stark is often considered a stupid girl who doesn't know anything about anything and has nothing valuable to offer. HA!

10. The Quest for Home

Although for Dany it's easy to argue her quest for the Iron Throne is a quest for power and authority, it's also the quest for home. She grew up being told Westeros was her home. Storms End was her home. Kings Landing was home. The Iron Throne and the regency is home. Her goal is to come home and reestablish the Targaryan regency. It's what she grew up hearing from Viserys.

Sansa Stark has wanted to go home since Season 1. This is the one time where Dany's and Sansa's timelines do not match because Sansa came home before Dany did (season 6 and 7 respectively). Ultimately she isn't fully done with this quest as she has to deal with her trauma, the coming threats, and the Baelish problem. There's no security at Winterfell yet but we will probably see that build as the seasons go.

Honestly if you read through that, awesome. Took me waaaaayy too long to type it out and get gifs for it. Hate it, love it, I’m glad you read it. All I’m trying to say as there are a lot of commonalities between two characters in terms of story. The only real reason why people hate on Sansa when she went through the same trials as Dany is because we were with her through her suffering just as we went through Dany’s uprising from a similar place. We experienced her suffering simultaneously with Dany’s rise and that it’s easier to see the difference between a current victim and a vengeful one. I hope this shows how similar they are.

[flowersofmay]

do you see the sky that i am seeing? part 2

Quimby had hoped the sun would start to burn his skin, causing a bright, hot pain that would slowly spread across his arms, leaving him uncomfortable and itchy. There were too many clouds for the sun to do any damage. He had hoped the heat would be unbearable on the stone balcony, but it was too late in the day for the bench he sat on to do more than warm his hands. He had hoped that coming out here would make him feel something to distract him, but the day was too mild. His mother would call this a perfect day in the Royal Province – sunny, moderately warm, a light breeze to ruffle hair and cool sweaty necks – a perfectly, obnoxiously average day. It was driving Quimby insane.

It didn’t make any sense to him. How could the day be so normal? It had felt normal when he woke up this morning. Nothing remarkable or foreboding had warned him to the awful reality that the afternoon held for him. Quimby glared at the garden, at the fluttering birds and the blooming flowers. The world should react when terrible things happen. It shouldn’t just pretend that it was the same as the day before. Something else should have changed the way Quimby had changed, lost a part of himself in the past hours.  

A noise came from behind, inside the castle walls. Quimby whirled around. “Robin, I’m not in the mood to -” He paused. “Oh. Um. Hello, Miss Nadia.”

Nadia smiled at him in amusement. “Hello, Prince Quimby. I didn’t realize you had heard me.”

“What – uh – what are you…” his gaze traveled down to the tray she held lightly in her hands, its contents covered by a white cloth. “Oh. I missed dinner, didn’t I?”

“By an hour. So -” She walked out onto the balcony and set the tray down on the bench next to Quimby - “since I doubted you were going to come inside anytime soon, I decided I would bring some food to you.” She sat down on the other side of the tray, brushed her skirts down, and cleared her throat. “Now, what we have here is...” She whipped the cloth off with a flourish. “A loaf of soft white bread, Capital fish braised over red-hot coals, and the juiciest Iretria fruit found!” The napkin was thrown to the side as Nadia spread her hands out dramatically. “A feast fit for a king!”

Despite himself, Quimby laughed. “I didn’t know you could change your voice like that.”

“Oh, I can do quite a few voices. I’m an amazing storyteller.”

“I never knew.” Quimby looked down at the food on the plate in front of him. “Have you eaten?” It would be impolite to eat if Nadia hadn’t had the chance yet. “The servants don’t eat until later, right? If you’re hungry…”

Nadia scoffed. “Your majesty, don’t worry. There are two servings of everything, aren’t there?” Quimby looked back at the tray. There were. Nadia wore a mischievous grin. “You really think I’d smuggle good food out of the kitchen and not take some for myself?”

Quimby laughed again, louder this time. “Of course, of course.” He smiled at her, his face feeling a little less raw. “Thank you, Miss Nadia. You didn’t have to.”

“What, and let my lord starve?” She held a hand to her chest, faking an insulted gasp. “I would never.”

“For...for looking for me, too,” he said, hesitantly. Nadia’s smile softened from teasing to kind.

“Well, don’t mention it.” She snatched up a piece of fish with another dramatic flourish. “Now dig in! Or all this wonderful food will go cold.”

“I hope the fruit isn’t hot,” Quimby said as he reached for the bread.

“Very funny.”

They ate in silence, staring at the setting sun. Quimby fidgeted in his seat; the quiet put him on edge. No matter how many times Quimby glanced over, Nadia looked no more likely to start a conversation, apparently happy with watching the sky’s colors change. She had yet to mention his red eyes or sudden disappearance from the hall. Quimby wasn’t sure whether to be nervous or relieved, so he ate more food. Nadia was good friends with Robin, so it made sense that she would help find his little brother. But why would she bring him food and sit with him if all she wanted was to help Robin track him down?

Eventually, he ran out of food to stuff in his mouth. He busied himself by cleaning his hands of all fruit residue with his napkin. Nadia remained silent, despite the fact that the sun had nearly set and she surely had better things to be doing. He tossed the napkin onto the tray. He didn’t know Nadia well enough to predict her actions. Was this how she normally acted? Did she want him to talk first? Was she waiting for him to lower his guard so Robin could- sake of the elders, calm down.

“I’m sorry for my outburst, earlier,” Quimby blurted out. Nadia cocked her head curiously as Quimby stumbled through his words. “I...didn’t mean to yell or get angry. You didn’t do anything.”

“I forgive you, Quimby. It was an accident.”

“Robin tends to be confrontational, you see, and I didn’t feel like dealing with his tendency to tackle problems...head-on.”

“I understand.” Nadia smiled. “You don’t have to make excuses, Quimby. I’m not trying to make you talk or anything.”

“...oh.”

“Not that you can’t talk to me, if you want to,” Nadia added. “If you’d like to talk to me so you can stall going inside, I have no problem with it. Better than getting told to clean fireplaces again.” Oh no oh no oh no- “We can talk about anything,” Nadia continued. “Seen any interesting performances lately?”

“...No,” Quimby said, confused. Why was she being so nice to him?

“Megan saw the most hilarious acting show on her last day off,” Nadia said, not missing a beat. “It was about these two rival families, and the youngest of each family were marrying each other, and they were trying to plan the wedding...”

She continued as Quimby stared. She was just talking to him as if everything was normal. No ulterior motives present. No other person around. She was telling him a personal story as if they were friends sharing a casual picnic. The only other person that he’s spent time with like this is – was -

“Why aren’t you asking about Bridget?” Quimby interrupted. Nadia stopped mid-sentence, eyes and nose scrunched up in confusion. Quimby, realizing what he had done, backtracked. “I apologize, that was incredibly rude of me-”

“Do you want me to ask about Bridget?” Nadia asked, ignoring his attempt to save himself.

“No, of course not.” Quimby answered immediately. Nadia raised a single critical eyebrow. He winced, turning away from her. “But...maybe I want to talk about her.”

“Then talk.” Nadia leaned back against the castle wall, face passive. “And if that outburst of yours was somehow not indicative of how you want to talk through an emotional mess, then don’t talk.”

Quimby stared at her. He didn’t want to talk about it. On the other hand, his attempts to mask his inner turmoil were, for some strange reason, failing miserably. He also felt miserable.

“She hates Iretria fruit,” he said finally, not looking away from Nadia. She hummed in acknowledgment, her face unchanged. “She says it’s too sweet. She loves Untuai berries, though. They’re too tart for me, so she finds ways to make me eat some to see my face scrunch up and laughs at me.” Nadia smiled and let a slight laugh escape. Quimby relaxed. As he continued to talk about Bridget, he leaned back against the castle wall and watched the sky like Nadia. “...and she wears a lot of purple clothes because one time someone in the court said she didn’t look good in purple. She loves fresh flowers and can make a flower crown in under a minute, but she’ll never admit it.” The sky was a deep blue, now, like her favorite dress. “Bridget and I used to sit in the fields behind the castle and make as many flower crowns as we could when we were younger. When it started to get late, we would race back to the castle and place them on every single statue of the elders we could find. Her mother and my father would complain about all the grass stains on our clothes.” The stars winked into existence above him, chasing the colors of the sunset away. “She made a joke last time she was here, said that we should get some flowers and cover the statues again. We laughed about it, but I told her we should act our age. She sent me a pressed flower crown in her last letter and reminded me I wasn’t all grown up quite yet.” Quimby bit his lip, thinking of the unfinished letter sitting on his desk. The last line he had written was a joke about her humor level being the same as when they were eight. Everything in that letter seemed so childish, now, so pointless: a pointless letter she’ll never read.

“What if I never see her again?” Quimby whispered. “What if she’s really gone?”

“She hasn’t been missing that long,” Nadia said calmly.

“But there’s been no ransom note!” Quimby sat up violently, sending the tray clattering to the ground. He barely noticed, grabbing onto his knees with a white-knuckled grip. “No attempt at contact! Not a sign of the people who tore through the Tuitou’s manor! And Bridget would be a terrible prisoner, anyways, she’s too mouthy and loud and would keep trying to escape and – and -” Quimby broke off, his voice choking up, tears pricking at his eyes. “-and it would easier for the bandits if they just -”

“Quimby.” Nadia pried his hands from his knees and held them in her own. He looked away from her, from her worry and pity, trying to blink back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. “Quimby, you can’t let yourself go through every terrible scenario. You’ll stress yourself out without helping Bridget at all.”

“I’m fine,” Quimby said, still not looking at her. Her heard Nadia scoff in annoyance.

“Of course you are, so you’re crying because of the wind, right?” When Quimby didn’t respond, Nadia sighed. “Look, I…” she hesitated. “I never met Lady Bridget, so I can’t say I know much about her. But, based on what I’ve heard, she’s a talented and capable girl who has basic survival instincts. Wherever she is, I’m sure she’s scared but holding her own.”

“I can’t stop worrying.”

“I can tell,” Nadia said wryly. She continued, in a kinder voice, “I’m not saying you shouldn’t look for her, but you shouldn’t hurt yourself over this. She’ll come back.”

“What if she doesn’t, Nadia? Father won’t even look for her.” He scoffed, thinking back to the morning with disdain. “’My condolences to your family.’ The daughter of his loyal ally goes missing, and that’s all he can say? What if we’re already too late? What if there’s never a trace of her again, and we’re all left to wonder for the rest of our lives if she lived or if she -” He was crying in earnest, with hiccuping sobs that choked the words off before he could speak. Nadia dropped his hands and pulled him into a hug. “She can’t be dead,” he sobbed into her shoulder. “She can’t be dead, I never sent her a copy of Kering’s poems, and she hasn’t seen the Candorian mountain ranges yet, and she hasn’t gotten her birthday present, and she hasn’t taken me to see the Oth trees blossom in Rital, and I haven’t told her that she’s my best friend in years, and -” He stopped to take in a messy breath.

Nadia didn’t pull away until he was quiet again, the tears finished. Quimby sat back with a sniff, embarrassed and scrubbing at his eyes. “I’m sorry, this is so unbecoming.”

“Don’t apologize,” Nadia whispered. He risked a look at her, fearing pity, but found understanding in her eyes. “Losing someone is hard.”

Quimby sniffed again. “I don’t think I’ll be able to accept she’s gone.”

“Then don’t. Search for her and find your proof.” Nadia placed a hand on his shoulder and added in a quieter voice. “But don’t let grief consume you until it’s all you are.”

Quimby nodded, throat too rough from crying. He looked towards the sky again. The stars were out in full force, now; without a cloud in the sky, he could see every constellation he knew the name of. Could Bridget see the stars right now? Was she staring at the sky, wondering how she would get home?

“We should go inside,” Quimby said. He smiled at Nadia, hoping his gratefulness shown past his red eyes. “I didn’t mean to keep you for so long, Nadia. My apologies, I’m sure you’re tired.”

“Think nothing of it.” Nadia gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze before pulling away. She stood and leaned down to gather up the tray. Feeling guilty but sensing Nadia would swat him if he said sorry again, Quimby kneeled down to help her.

With all the dishes shoved back on the tray, Nadia stood up and rolled her shoulders. “Right. Inside, then? It’s getting chilly.”

“Shall I accompany you to the kitchens?” Quimby asked, finding his footing again (literally, as he stood up, and figuratively). Nadia raised an eyebrow and smiled.

“I can find my way. I’d rather you went to bed, young prince. Can I trust you’ll go to your room and I won’t have to explain to your brother why you spent another night in the library?”

“No, I’ll go to my room. Promise.” Quimby winced as he remembered Robin’s rant about back pain and the effects of lack of sleep.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Nadia turned on her heels and walked down the hall. “Good night, Prince Quimby.”

“Good night, Miss Nadia.” He bowed, as was proper, even though this whole interaction had nothing to do with proprietary. He heard her laugh from around the corner and smiled. Perhaps, despite what he thought, Nadia was more than Robin’s friend. Maybe she was his as well.

A small white ball caught his attention; he and Nadia had forgotten one of the napkins on the floor. Quimby kneeled down to pick it up and froze, spotting what had been hidden underneath it. Some juice from the fruit had splashed onto the floor when he knocked over the tray. The warm feeling from his interaction with Nadia faded with his smile, and he stared at the stain as if it was blood. He had sat on an Iretria fruit when they were seven and splattered it all over the place; Bridget had laughed and said it was the fate all Iretria fruit deserved. She teased him for the rest of the night, until the Duke of Turil’s son made a remark about it. Instead of laughing back, Bridget had dumped her glass all over him and broke his nose.

Bridget decided that Quimby was her best friend when they were six years old and he’d been along for the ride ever since. No matter what, she’s always protected him, fearless as she was stubborn. After everything, if he failed her now, when she truly needed him...he had resources, but they weren’t for finding lost friends, and they were already spread too thin. It might not be enough. What if... Quimby looked up at the stars watching him.

“If you’re out there, if you’re still alive,” he swore to the sky, “I’ll find you.” The stars waited for him to finish. “And if you’re not alive, I’ll find you anyway.” A promise made, Quimby stood up purposefully and strode inside. He had a lot of work to do.

A month later I finally post some original work, whoops.

I was hoping I might get to posting some real stories here sooner rather than later, but I’m a bit of a picky writer. So, this is a short thing that doesn’t fit into the story I’m working on but I wanted to write. Constructive criticism is appreciated, if you want to give it! Thanks for reading!

[thats-a-real-mood]

loki episode 1x01

Im loving the green/gold marvel logo. 

mega spoilers under cut! 

Ngl not sure why the tesserect threw him like that in mongolia. Is there a reason that thanos had better control? (Other than him being a giant grape) Is this what happened with red skull?

Tva introduced. Very mysterious

Aw loki is just done with the avengers and everything else

Why did they have loki’s lips do that for so long? And in 1/16 speed

Reset the timeline? What does that do?

Zooming in on the device on the ground assuming that is going to reset the timeline. Okay so but reseting does that mean that there is now another loki? Our loki we are watching and a different loki who is continuing one the timeline?

A variant skrull?

Loki trying to run and then getting timelooped back to the lady is slightly funny

Aw that poor guy is cheerful and shes all like no i have a job

Deadly consequences huh? Is that gonna come back later? I have a feeling they will never like each other

Aw happy robot

Aw fashionista drama queen loki. I love it

Okay i may be ace but loki looks good!

-honestly in the gray suit he doesnt look that muscular but he is. Its just hidden. It hints at it with his shoulders but he in fine!

I did a get picture of the end credits where it shows what he said

“if it’s all the same yo you know i’ll have that drink now.

“tva? friend i think there has been a mistake. I am Loki,- You will regret this. I am burddened with glororius purpose. I stand on the right side of thanos- pleased to learn you’ve- my father is-”

is all i could read from this

A cat and a cat mug. I like it. This dude must be so tired. And everyone gives him extra work with everything they say even in his room. -does it do this even after they leave? And honestly i thought lokis stack would be bigger

“Do alot of people not know if they are robots?”Hun im sorry but you didnt know you were frost giant..

Now at first glance the whole “what if i was a robot and didnt know it?” Line is funny but you gotta like deeper. Like i said right above he didnt know he was a frost giant for almost the whole time 2012! Loki has been alive.

Ok but why does it look like giant scratch marks in the red rectangle. I think it’s supposed to be like dried blood or whatever but more like scratch’s.

His temporal aura..lots of red,maybe purple and yellow followed by green and blue at the top. I wanna know what it mean. Do more colors get added with more temporal stuff?

That looks like the guy who died in the trailers

He was insistent that he take a ticket. Lokis staring contest with the guy. Passive aggressive loki

Is that PA sound activated by a specific phrase? I think it would be since it probably would have turned on sooner than when loki shouted otherwise

I dont like miss minutes.

Who are the timekeepers? How are they all knowing? Can we get some more lore on them?

Branching off the nexus? That showed in a scene in the trailer..

So do the tva not want a multiverse? But it was canonized in dr strange. And wandavision. Or do they just not want a multiverse war?

Created the TVA and its workers? What do they mean by creating the workers as well?

Wait what that the reset charge i saw in the cartoon? So does that mean that there is a loki that is continuing on the timeline?

Is that how we kept the “sacred timeline”? But how? The avengers dropped the cube and loki got it and left. So how did they fix the timeline to keep him from picking it up again?

The guy doesnt have a ticket and is throwing a karen tantrum. Oop-

Okay now loki is scared.

Is it bad that i saw him hold up his ticket and found it funny? Like see boom i have it totally not gonna get destroyed now

Okay so i wrote the cool “runes” i put them in quotations because i dont know if that is what they are. Ill try to look them up later and post them.

Five dead in france..1549

Sombody got the jump? Its him? Who?

Stab wounds? Reset charge is gone. Sixth attack? That they know of?

Nice satan imagery in the background. First (assuming) micheal first with light shining in this guy and now satan..

I saw her eyes look to the satan and then upwards so assuming she means the horns but it could also be mephisto. But does mephisto stab people? Those horns look loki style

Afraid of them?

Kablooie? Blue gum? Blooeberrie?

-Why was it given away? Is it a sign? Do i need to look deeper into this? It does have that whole look that fits with the tva but im gonna hold on.

Devil bearing gifts?

-What happens when it hits the red line?

They have a FILE? On loki? Where did they get that photo? And HE IS GENDER FLUID

Judges room has the workers mural and the timekeeper mural. So the cut off the branchs to keep it in a orderly timeline?

Push t to those avengers! STEVE👏ROGERS👏IS👏A👏VARIANT

Hun..hun no thats not why they traveled.

Pffrt two tony starks! So he knew tony was there… did thor not smell him as well??

Gods to gods

Is..is this what it looks like when he tries to do magic??

Who are the people watching who isnt the guy from earlier?

So is this gonna be a show of freewill? Like wanda was grief and depression? Or the winter soldier was of —-

If my theory is right about loki being the guy killing the agents and that guy is investigating and has his file then it makes sense that he knows what loki is capable of. I would also like to point out that is it loki killing them, then they are greatly underestimating him. He should use that to his advantage

Chasing a hunch? Going sideways? Bad idea?

And this guy is flirting (i think) but also drinking his respecting woman juice.

Burn down his desk? Ok so ngl its cool outside the window but idk what it is but i can tell its greenscreen. The architecture is great. I love the scene.

A nightmare department??

I wanna know what the buttons in the elevator mean.

Created by the timekeepers? So possibly not human. Can they leave? are they aloud to? What do they mean created? Is there a process? Or are they just never kids?

Trust is for children and dogs? Oka i get the dos. But children? Does this mean that he hasnt trusted anyone since he was a kid? What happened that made him stop trusting people? Does he trust his mother?

Living in his set path? Okay i was part of the son fandom so im getting team free will vibes from loki insisting that he chooses what he does

Wooing someone powerful you intended to betray? Thanos? (Ew giant grape face guy) You, agent mobius? The Grandmaster?!

Are they flirting? I genuinely cant tell? Is this what flirting looks like?

Pursuit in Dangerous variants? So not loki. My theory holds strong for me but maybe its not?Hes a hissing cat? So born to be king?

A fan? Okay..i wanna saw how are you a fan? But you have the file.

Oh

Loki

The wrong path always taken…

“I am smart.” I know

What do u know mobius? Time passes differently…has loki been here before? Have u met him before? How do u know he his smart? Yes you have a file but that doesnt tell me why u are saying for certainty that u know he is smart. And he looks serious. Like he knew something. What are you hiding??

Okay so he heals fast. This couldnt have been hat long since then?

Okay so they bring in phil but they dont even acknowledge that he is still alive (as far as im aware)

The uncomfortable shifting and keeping his gaze away from the screen as new york was shown was kinda telling cause of what he said earlier…

Deflecting to keep from talking..

The FLASHBACK

Why does he need money?

Young..lost a bet to thor… what was the bet???

You just used reverse psychology on loki and it worked

Why do you wanna know about why he does what he does? Are you using him for your other case? (Assuming hat he is killing the guards somehow)

Did his voice crack when he saw his adventure in germany? Anyone else catch that? And the past tense after that. His masks are starting to fall. I think he is gonna lash out soon

Oh

Oh his mother

This is gonna get painful. Im crying already.

Oh frigga. He is tearing up. He is getting agitated now. Dude you just accused him of killing his mother

Okay stop. So others can achieve better versions of themself?

U mean when nat yeeted herself on vormir? Or when clint went around killing people during the blip? Or when cap stayed behind with peggy when he had bucky to come back to?

I can see him planning something but idk what yet

Ok so i already watched this earlier but now that i watch this part carefully i can see his hand pickpocket

Another unit? So thats six units now?

Loki escaped??

Prune? Is that what the stick thing is?

Ok he asked the guys name. I like that. Polite.

I saw him take a breath to get ready for another performance

U..u dont know what a fish is?

Lived entire life behind a desk? How old are you?

Okay thats practical to know what your being threatened with. Informed choices my dude.

Ok is this the room that loki has a desk at in the previews? Also i like casey. He is now my new fav

Whats is the desk? INFINITY STONES?? are you kidding me? So other people have tried to get them but werent aloud because of the timeline with thanos and the avengers???? Why do you have so many of the same stones? And the fact that the time stones as well means something attempted to happen to earth to get them..

They dont work at the tva? You USE INFINITY STONES? AS PAPER WEIGHTS? INGOT OF IMMENSE POWER THAT WERE CREATED SUPPOSEDLY AT THE BIG BANG??

This is giving me (another show that used something important as paperwieghts) vibes

Coming to the realization that this place is powerful? Ok so that is pruning.

His mother, he is crying i cant deal

Oh god im crying again

He just want his parents love and they are dead. He just wanted family to love him. He wanted to so much and didnt ever feel like he had it. But he did.

Oh no

Please dont make him watch his death

Please

The immediate falling of his face, his tormentor, i wanna know what he is thinking when he sees thanos

Oh the bone sound

And loki watched

Not making light of this but they speedrun his trauma and his redemption. He didnt get to see the good parts of what he has done. Just the bad.

Oh his laughing and the bitter glorious purpose

The fight was short but cool

He is being his petty self and i love it

See, don’t underestimate him

That nose scrunch

He looked emotionally drained

Wait why cant he go back? Cause he saw his future? Isnt that the reset? Oh wait if he goes back, he dies and he knows that but he couldnt be able to stop it without ending back up here

Hes opening up. The masks he had are falling around mobius. He sees himself as a villian.

Fugitive variant?

I KNEW IT IT WAS LOKI!

but hold on. If this fugitive is loki, then how? What part of the timeline is they from? Are they a future loki? So the future loki is a dangerous variant and this loki is a cat? What makes the future one more dangerous? We just heard him say he doesnt like to kill?

Okay now oklahoma 1858, if this is loki then how is he goin across time? And what for?

Wait third millenium? When is that?

Okay so we got a 1500 deaths and pieces of gum? And now third millennium thing in the 1800?

Oil? In a field…i get that u would think that but please think about where u are and the fact that other units have been killed in what i assume are regular calls like this as well.

Hooded figure? In a foggy night?with different background lights? I like it.

Told you oil plus field equals fire

Oh big spots of oil and oil leading places

Okay there is the reset charge? Is this important like i said earlier i thought it would be?

Ok if this is loki then what’s with the get up? Where is the drama? The showmanship? And why do you need the reset charges? Assuming this person took them from each scene that is at least six or seven? Or is this eight? Would this be the one that they said earlier with the captain lady interrupting or is this another one after that?

Ok so i took some pictures of the end credits that i think are important. I want to look closer at them before i post them.

[kirkwall-group-therapy]

City of Blood, ch 7

[Mature content warning, Act 1: cursing, adult topics, violence]

Chapter Seven: Blood Magic

Blood magic was unusually common in Kirkwall, and had been causing problems the entire time Hawke had lived there. But the issues only got worse as time went on, and Hawke only found herself more and more involved with each passing day. In the next several weeks in particular, Hawke had handled a number of different jobs involving mages and blood magic. The outcome of the most recent job had ignited a rather heated debate, when Hawke had sent a number of mages to the circle instead of letting them escape.

“What if they were blood mages?” Hawke asked, bringing the loud argument into the Hanged Man.

“What’s this?” Merrill asked as the group approached. “You know there’s nothing wrong with blood magic. It’s all just a bunch of superstition, really.”

“Merrill, there are two other apostate mages right here, one of them possessed no less, and even they agree that blood magic is too dangerous,” Aveline said.

“Not so loud, Aveline,” Bethany whispered, looking around the fairly empty tavern.

“That’s not the point,” Anders said.

“I’mmm just going to be over here, not arguing …” Isabela whispered and sat down at a corner table.

“How could you just turn them over to the templars like that?” Bethany asked.

“Do you think the templars would have just said, ‘oh gee golly, I guess those blood mages got away. Guess there’s nothing we can do about it?’ No! They would have continued to hunt them, and when they found them, the templars would have killed them. I saved their lives by staying the templars hand, and returning them to the circle,” Hawke said.

“They are in just as much as danger in the circle,” Anders cried. “And there they are defenseless. If you had let them go, they could have escaped.”

“And endangered others when they inevitably turned to blood magic,” Fenris said.

“You don’t know that!” Anders yelled.

“Anders, these mages have never lived outside the circle, not since they were children. They don’t know how to defend themselves, or find food, or shelter, let alone how to hide from the templars,” Hawke said.

“What about Feynriel? You could have let him go to the Dalish,” Bethany said.

“A fine point, Bethany,” Anders said.

“He was literally plagued with demonic dreams, on a nightly basis! The Dalish don’t have templars. What if he wasn’t strong enough to fight them? And for how long could he maintain that kind of strength? What if he ended up killing the entire clan? The circle is the only place that can help him,” Hawke said.

“I appreciate that you were only trying to protect them,” Anders said, though clearly still angry, “but it still should have been their choice.”

“How can you not understand the danger that they possess, when already we have found the dismembered bodies of missing women?” Fenris asked.

“We don’t know that blood magic is involved!” Anders said.

“Anders,” Aveline said. “Even you must admit that the evidence so far leaves very few other possibilities.”

“Can we stop fighting? I don’t like it when we fight,” Merrill said.

“Yes, thank you Merrill,” Anders said. “I have had enough of this argument myself.” Anders marched out of the Hanged Man and slammed the door behind him, startling the other patrons.

“Shit Hawke,” Varric said coming down the stairs. “How did you manage to piss everyone off?”

“Personally, I think Hawke made the right decision,” Aveline said.

“Nobody asked for your opinion,” Isabela whispered. Aveline turned around and shot Isabela a glare.

“Would you turn me in like that?” Bethany asked.

“Bethany,” Hawke pleaded.

“No, I want to know if my own sister would turn me in to the templars,” Bethany continued.

“If I thought it was the only way to save your life, yes,” Hawke said.

“I see,” Bethany said. “I’m sorry Varric, but I find that I’m not in much of a mood to be around my sister right now.” And she too left.

“Andraste’s tits,” Hawke cursed. She sat down next to Isabela and laid her head down on the sticky table, face first. “You’d think that I had just blatantly murdered a group of school children and their pack of adorable kittens.”

“I think you mean a litter of adorable kittens,” Varric corrected.

“You’re in a difficult position, and they are adults. They have to option to leave at any time. And whether they want to admit it or not, you’re the only one trying to protect everyone. Anders would let them all go free, regardless of who they might have already killed. And I, I would not be as merciful as you,” Fenris said. He meant well, but he wasn’t helping to ease Hawke’s frustration.

“Ugggh,” Hawke groaned, muffled by the way she was sitting, face down on the table.

“IIII think, it’s time for some drinks,” Isabela said.

“I have to return to the barracks,” Aveline said. “Good luck with Bethany later.” Hawke replied by banging her head on the table.

Hawke kicked rocks and bits of discarded trash as she slowly walked the three blocks back to Gamlen’s house. The journey didn’t take long enough. She circled the block once, and joined a few kids who were kicking a ball around, until their mother called them inside for supper. Hawke sighed, still not wanting to return home to face both Bethany and her mother, who undoubtedly had already heard the story from Bethany, and who of course would take Bethany’s side. She couldn’t avoid them forever, though she did actually contemplate seeing if Aveline or one of the others would let her stay with them for the night. But that was childish, so she accepted her fate, and went inside.

“Charlie, is that you?” Her mother called from the kitchen.

“Yes mother,” Hawke replied, less than enthusiastic.

“Is it true what Bethany says?” She asked, walking into the foyer wiping her hands on a raggedy old towel.

“Depends on what she said, I suppose,” Hawke smarted back.

“Did you really say you would turn her over to the templars?!” Leandra asked.

Hawke sighed heavily. “Did she also mention that turning her over to the templars would only be as a last resort, if it was the only way to save her life?”

“Charlie, really, I don’t know what’s gone on between the two of you, but you’re her sister. Her sister!” Leandra said.

“Which is why I would do just about anything to keep her safe. Mother, I’m really not in the mood to discuss this. I’ve already gotten the third degree from Anders and Bethany today. Can we just, not do this right now?” Hawke asked.

“Fine,” Leandra replied curtly. “Supper is ready. We shouldn’t keep Bethany or Gamlen waiting any longer.”

Supper was unusually quiet. Gamlen, who was usually quiet, did most of the talking. Bethany and Hawke remained silent. Hawke left the house to get some fresh air after supper, unable to handle the passive aggressive sighing and whispered whimpering, and the looks she was getting from both her mother and her sister.

“Guardsmen Donnic,” Hawke said as he approached her.

“Please, call me Donnic,” he said.

“Alright, Donnic,” Hawke replied.

“What are you doing out so late, and in your heavy armor no less?” Donnic asked.

“I need some fresh air, and thought I might clear out some thugs while I was out,” Hawke said.

“I’m not sure if there is such a thing as fresh air in streets of Lowtown,” Donnic said, looking around.

“Mm,” Hawke agreed. “Air then. I just needed air.” Donnic looked at her questioningly. Surely she knew that the air was everywhere, but it was Hawke that he was speaking to.

“Hawke, why don’t you join the guard? You seem to enjoy patrolling the streets as it is, and you are certainly capable of handling yourself. I know Aveline would love to have you in the guard,” Donnic suggested.

“Haha, yes, so she likes to tell me. Repeatedly. But the guard isn’t big enough for the two of us,” Hawke said. “Annnd, I wouldn’t be very good at taking orders from Aveline, truthfully.”

“I confess, I don’t understand. Were you not a soldier in the King’s army? I thought Aveline had said as much, but perhaps I misheard,” Donnic said.

“No, you are correct. I was a soldier in the King’s army. Aveline and I both fought at Ostagar, though I didn’t come to know her until later. But I … I can’t live that kind of life anymore. Fighting at the orders of someone else. Not after Ostagar. Not after Loghain,” Hawke said.

“I see,” Donnic said.

“It sounds like Aveline talks about me a bit?” Hawke asked.

“Yes. I mean, no. Truthfully, Aveline and I don’t speak much,” Donnic said, sounding strangely flustered. “But when we do, you often come up in conversation.”

“I’m flattered,” Hawke laughed.

“Aveline thinks very highly of you,” Donnic said.

“Mm, sometimes,” Hawke said.

They continued walking together through the dimly lit streets of Lowtown, in silence for a time.

“So how have your patrols been recently?” Hawke asked.

“Significantly better since Aveline became Captain,” Donnic said. “I cannot thank you enough Hawke, for what you and Aveline did for me that night.”

“It’s what I do,” Hawke said, trying to brush off the compliment.

“How has your … eh, work, been lately?” Donnic asked.

“I feel like I’ve joined the templars,” Hawke said, starring at the ground and kicking a rock.

“Oh?” Donnic asked.

“I’ve been chasing down and retrieving escaped mages, killing blood mages, and trying to find a bunch of missing women,” Hawke said. “What I don’t understand is with all the resources and forces that the templars have, why they aren’t able to do this on their own? What are they fucking doing, if they aren’t doing these kinds of things?”

“I’m sure glad that we don’t have to deal with blood mages,” Donnic said looking wide eyed. “That’s a royal mess, right there.”

They reached the road that split off and headed up to Hightown, and Hawke stopped. “Donnic, I think I’m going to wander around Hightown for a bit, before I call it a night.”

“Stay safe. Maker’s blessings,” Donnic said, and gave a short wave as they split off.

The Hightown market was empty and quiet. Peaceful. More peaceful than Hawke had hoped. The whole night was turning out to be a frustrating disappointment. Where were all the thugs? She was supposed to be able to take out all her frustration on them. Hawke wandered into the square in front of the Viscount’s office, the square it shared with the old Amell estate. Hawke sat on the ground, leaning her back against a stone pillar, and stared at the estate. This was their goal. Titles, fancy dresses, parties, and petty-coats. Silk slippers. Hawke couldn’t deny that it would be nice to be rich, but there was so much about the high society life that she wasn’t interested in. A bigger house, one that they didn’t have to share with Gamlen, would be nice. And at least Hightown did actually have fresh air. It even had trees and gardens. She plucked at grass that had grown between some of the paving stones beneath her, and just sat there.

A cool breeze flowed down the streets softly. The windows in Hightown were lit up and glittering off of the cool, grey stone walls of the buildings. The Chantry bell sweetly tolled midnight. She didn’t realize she had been out so late.

“Hawke?” Fenris said as he entered the square. “What are you doing here?”

Hawke didn’t reply immediately, searching for the words, and the energy, to reply. Fenris sat down next to her. He took a sip from the bottle of wine he was caring, and passed it to Hawke. She took a sip and passed it back.

“Still agonizing over the earlier argument?” Fenris asked. Hawke nodded.

“How come you don’t protest more whenever we do something that helps mages? I know there are many decisions I’ve made that you haven’t agreed with.” Hawke asked. “I mean, you certainly speak your mind whenever you don’t agree, but you don’t unleash a storm upon me like those two did today.”

“Hm. I supposed it’s because I have a tremendous amount of respect for you, Hawke. You’re … nothing like what I imagined, what I thought you were at first. I didn’t expect I would ever find someone like you. In truth, I had convinced myself that people like you don’t even exist. No, I don’t always agree with you, but it’s abundantly clear that you do not make decisions lightly. You always try to find a way to protect the innocent, no matter who they are. You always seem to know what the right thing to do is,” Fenris said.

“I feel like I never know,” Hawke said. “I try so hard, but it seems like all I do is piss someone off every time.” They were silent for a moment.

“Why do I have to be the leader?” Hawke asked. “Why does everyone follow me? Why can’t everyone follow Aveline, or Varric, or you?”

“Me?? Hah. That would be a sight,” Fenris said. “You were the leader when I met you. Why, you would have to answer for me. But from what I’ve seen since we met, everyone follows you because everyone respects you. You consider everyone, and all of their opinions, and try to make a decision that is good for all. Anders and I would both make lousy decisions that considered only our opinions. Aveline’s stance would be too harsh, too black and white. Varric is great guy, but he doesn’t have the backbone for it. He doesn’t want to be responsible for making decisions.

More importantly, you’re decisive. You simply take charge, whether you mean to or not. You do not waste time. You do not sit idly by waiting for someone else to do something, if you are capable of finding a solution. Too many others may say they want a position of leadership, but in truth they are too afraid to act. You don’t wait, you jump right in.”

“That’s only because I have no patience,” Hawke said. Fenris laughed.

“Do you truly not want to be the leader?” Fenris asked.

“I really truly don’t want to be the leader,” Hawke said.

“But there’s power in being the leader,” Fenris said.

“I’m not interested in power,” Hawke replied.

“Then what are you interested in?” Fenris asked.

“I don’t know anymore,” Hawke said. They sat in silence, enjoying the gentle night air.

“That’s the Amell estate, isn’t it?” Fenris asked after a time.

“Yes,” Hawke replied.

“It looks nice,” Fenris said.

“It is, or so I’ve been told,” Hawke sighed.

“There seems to be more bothering you than just the previous argument,” Fenris stated.

“I … I just … I feel lost,” Hawke said. “I feel so out of place here in Kirkwall.”

“I imagine you must miss Lothering a great deal,” Fenris said.

“I don’t know that I miss Lothering,” Hawke said, staring up at a cloud. “I hadn’t lived at home in several years, so I can’t say that I even miss our home. But I … I miss Fereldan. I miss my father. I even miss Carver,” Hawke laughed. “Carver was always so serious, so surly. I never understood why. Father wasn’t like that. I just, I think I just miss feeling like I belonged somewhere. Here, I have to fight tooth and nail so that I can carve out a better life for Bethany and mother. But it feels like I’m trying to force us to be something we’re not. Or at least, something I’m not.”

“Like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole,” Fenris said, then realized how it might have sounded. “I apologize, I wasn’t trying to make a lewd joke.” Hawke laughed.

“I finished that short book you gave me,” Fenris said. “’See Spot Run.’ “

“Oh? That’s great,” Hawke said.

“I enjoyed the pictures as well. I’ve always liked Mabari,” Fenris said.

“I have another book like that,” Hawke said. “I’ll bring it over tomorrow.”

Fenris sighed. “I will be glad when I am able to read more substantial material. Thank you again, for all your efforts, Hawke.”

“Of course,” Hawke said and smiled. “That’s what friends are for.”

“I am glad of your friendship, Hawke,” Fenris said. “You know, had I known Anso would find me such a capable woman, I would have asked him to look sooner.”

“I’m glad I’ve been able to help,” Hawke said blushing a little, caught off guard by Fenris’s compliment. “And I’m glad to have you as a friend as well.”

“I’m sure you must miss your friends in Fereldan,” Fenris said. “Have you been in touch with them much, since you came to Kirkwall?”

“They … No. They all died in the blight,” Hawke said.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Fenris replied.

“Me too,” Hawke sighed. “Bethany is my closest friend though. She always has been. The age difference has sometimes been challenging, and,” she sighed again. “And her being a mage has its own set of problems.”

“Your father is the one who taught her magic then?” Fenris asked.

“Yes. He grew up in a circle and later left after he did some work for the Grey Wardens. He never talked about it though, or why the circle let him go.  Bethany and I suspect that the circle didn’t actually let him go. He never specifically stated that they did, and he always danced around it. But was very skilled. He had an extraordinary talent for magic, beyond most mages as I understand it,” Hawke said.

“It seems he was an equally skilled teacher,” Fenris said. “I must admit that Bethany’s level of control is beyond what I had imagined possible.”

“But you still think she should be in a circle?” Hawke asked. She wasn’t angry. She was exhausted over the topic, in fact. She was so tired of the quarrel over magic. If Hawke only knew then how things would end.

“I … yes, I still believe Bethany would be safer in a circle. You and your mother would be safer too. What a tragedy it would be for her to lose the battle against demons, to lose all that she is, to transform and lose her identity, for her magic to be turned against the ones she loves. I … I just think the risk is too great,” Fenris said.

“Living in Kirkwall has … Maker, it’s been awful mostly, haha,” Hawke laughed. “But it has really made me rethink everything about the circles.”

“Oh?” Fenris asked.

“When we lived in Fereldan, we actually knew a number of apostates. Since my father was one, and then my sister, apostate wasn’t a scary term, or a frightening reality. They were rather normal. At least in our area. We still had to watch out for the templars, but that’s just it. They were the danger, not the apostates. And the circles were tortuous prisons. People talk a lot about blood magic when they speak of apostates, but we never knew any who practiced blood magic. Many towns folk were comfortable keeping their silence to protect a few apostates, but they would never protect a blood mage. For that reason alone, all the apostates I knew were scared of blood magic and condemned it harsher than anyone else. Back then, I never would have considered sending Bethany to a circle. But it was also easier to avoid the templars in Fereldan, and they were more … more humane, than the ones here seem to be.

And yet I feel like everywhere we turn, we find ourselves fighting blood mages. They don’t even give us a chance to end things peacefully. Anders keeps saying that it’s only because they’ve been backed into a corner, and I can understand that to a certain degree. It’s just become a viscous cycle, and it’s a huge. fucking. mess. But seeing some of these mages, and hearing about Feynriel’s dreams, I admit that I’ve started to feel that maybe the circles aren’t such a terrible place. Although the circle here sounds especially terrible,” Hawke said.

“I feel for mages, to be burdened with such a curse. And obviously not all mages are like those in Tevinter, but they all face the same temptations and the same dangers, and thus are all a potential threat to all others,” Fenris said.

“Fenris?” Hawke asked. “Do mages in Tevinter ever turn in to abominations? I guess, obviously they do sometimes, but is it common? We’ve seen it here recently with all these blood mages, but every time you speak of Tevinter mages, you only ever mention their greed and abuse of power. You’ve never mentioned any who became abominations. But with the kind of freedom they have, I would have expected to hear stories about abominations simply running wild in the streets every day.”

“Mm. True. Honestly, I’m not sure how common it is. The only ones I’ve ever seen were ones that willingly became them. They purposely summoned a demon into themselves,” Fenris said.

“In all my years, before moving to Kirkwall, all the apostates that we knew, none of them ever became abominations. And in Tevinter where mages live freely, you say that they only become them if they are seeking to become one. It seems to me that, generally speaking, becoming an abomination is actually a rare thing. Here, I think the issue is that conflict between the mages and the templars is so great, that it’s driving both sides to use extreme measures. And in Tevinter it sounds like abuse of power, both magical and political, is the real issue,” Hawke said.

“Hm. Perhaps. But I would not risk the lives of innocent people on an unconfirmed possibility,” Fenris said.

“I said I would turn Bethany over to the templars if it meant saving her life,” Hawke said. “But I honestly don’t know if I could.”

“It speaks highly of you that you are so loyal and protective of your sister,” Fenris said. “It is very admirable, even if it is possibly foolish.”

“I wish you would tell her that,” Hawke sighed.

“I believe she knows that you would do anything to protect her. In time I believe her anger will dissipate and she will see what you were trying to say,” Fenris said.

“I’m so tired of mages and templars, Fenris,” Hawke said. Fenris laughed.

“Indeed,” he replied.

They talked a little longer until Hawke started to get cold, her butt completely numb from sitting on the hard stone street. Her energy was quickly fading, and her eye lids felt heavy. Hawke wished Fenris a good night, and made her way back to Gamlen’s house.

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This fanfic is based on the amazing Dragon Age games, specifically focusing on the DA2 game. Thank you EA/BIOWARE for such amazing games & characters!

I’m new to tumblr, so please bear with me as I figure out the best formatting.