#we nailed it ☺️

[peaceeandcoolestvibes]

LMFAOOOO mama ♐️ nailed it, she’s a mood

[sadisticyouko]

Decided to glue those long plastic nails to the tips of my fingers and now feeling like a delicate evil witch <3

[okcat]

eee

[munson-blurbs]

hope you don't mind me asking but could reader adopt harris officially? it'd be a sweet little blurb ☺️

Single Dad!Eddie x Fem!ReaderSeries

Summary: Harris makes a special request on his birthday: for you to adopt him and officially be his mommy.

TW: mention of parental neglect/drug use, pretty much just all fluff and happiness

WC: 2.2k

A/N: Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms out there! Y'all are badasses who deserve to be celebrated. I used this video for the judge's dialogue to ensure accuracy.

February 2001

“So, Har,” Eddie starts through a mouthful of cake, “did you have a good birthday?”

Harris nods emphatically, digging into his own slice. A dollop of vanilla frosting dots the tip of his nose, but he continues eating, unbothered.

Eddie looks at you as you try to contain the inevitable mess that Hendrix will make. His chubby cheeks are already decorated with chocolate cake, and he’s only a few bites in. “Can you believe we have a nine-year-old now?”

You shake your head. The years truly have flown by, and though you haven’t had the privilege of being there for all of them, it feels as though Harris’s fifth birthday was only yesterday. 

“What’s crazy to me is that Harris is the same age you were when I took you in,” Wayne says to Eddie. He glances at his nephew, a wistful look in his old eyes. 

“Oh, yeah!” Harris grins. “I forgot you took care of Daddy.”

Eddie leans back in his seat and smirks. “Did you ever regret adopting me, Old Man?” 

“Every damn day.”

While he may have tuned out his dad and grandfather’s back-and-forth, you can see Harris pause before he continues eating. He’s never been one to stifle his curiosity, the wheels in his head turning as he processes the information. 

His time to ask a question grinds to a halt when Hendrix slams his little palm right into the cake slice, grabs a chunk of it, and smashes it into his face. If any actually got in his mouth, it would be a miracle. 

Harris gets his opportunity later that night. Eddie tucks him into bed, pulling the SpongeBob comforter up to his chin, and kisses his head. 

“Daddy?” Harris asks before Eddie can stand up. 

“Hmm?”

“Why did Grampa adopt you?”

Eddie exhales, chewing on the inside of his cheek. As his eldest son has gotten older, he’s become more honest with him, not constantly shielding him from painful truths. He chooses his words carefully before speaking again. 

“Well, my mom and dad weren’t good parents. They didn’t take care of me, and they made a lot of bad choices,” he says. Memories flash through his mind, ones of eviction notices and strangers constantly in his home. Ones of police officers snapping handcuffs on his parents’ wrists, the two of them too far gone to even register to the severity of the situation. He shakes it off, turning his attention back to Harris. “And so Grampa Wayne took me in and adopted me so I would have a safe, happy home.”

“Like how my mom made bad choices? My real mom?”

Eddie nods, wondering if Harris knows how closely their situations resembled each other. Except you did what your father didn’t–you changed, he reminds himself. 

“Yeah, like that.”

Harris thinks for a moment. “But now Mom is my mom. So does that mean she adopted me?”

“No, she didn’t adopt you.” His heart sinks when he sees the small pout forming on Harris’s lips. “Not yet, anyway.”

“Why not?”

Eddie scratches at his jawline, his nails digging into a particular itchy patch of stubble. “Well, honestly…we wanted to make sure it was what you wanted, Har. Because Mom will love you no matter what,” he makes sure to add. 

Without any hesitation, Harris declares, “It’s what I want.”

“Are you sure? You can sleep on it—” Eddie feels a smile tugging on the corners of his mouth despite his attempt to remain neutral. Yes, his son often acts on impulse, but Eddie can tell this isn’t one of those instances. 

Harris huffs out an impatient sigh, irritated that he even has to explain himself. “Dad, I’m nine now,” he says matter-of-factly. “I’m almost double-digits. And I know I want Mom to adopt me.”

Eddie grins wider, pressing a kiss to his son’s forehead. “All right, bud. You got it.” He stands up with a grunt, something that Harris has already dubbed an ‘old man noise.’ “We’ll talk about this more tomorrow, okay?”

“Mm-hm,” Harris agrees sleepily, cocooning himself in his blankets while Eddie turns out the light. 

Eddie is teeming with excitement when he sees you sitting in the family room, an open bag of sour cream and onion potato chips in your lap. Hendrix was fast asleep in his crib, and it was finally time for you and your husband to relax. 

“So,” Eddie says, sliding onto the couch cushion next to you and plucking a chip from the bag, “it turns out that the birthday boy has one more gift request. A big one, actually.”

You raise your brows. “How big? Like, Hot Wheels track big or space camp big?”

“Neither.” Eddie’s eyes gleam. “He wants you to adopt him.”

You sit up quickly, a smile stretching across your face. “Are you…are you serious?”

“One hundred percent.” Eddie says with a nod. “He insisted on it, actually. I don’t think you could say no even if you wanted to.”

His teasing would normally draw a snarky retort from you, but you’re too overwhelmed to come up with a quip. “Harris wants me to adopt him,” you say slowly, letting each word seep into your tongue. 

Eddie kisses your cheek, his nose brushing your warm skin. “This is everything I ever wanted for him, you know,” he murmurs. Another kiss, then he tilts your chin so he can place his lips on yours. “Thank you for loving him.”

You snuggle in closer, your head resting on his shoulder. “Thank you for letting me.”

September 2002

It’s a special occasion when you can convince Eddie and Wayne Munson to wear a suit and tie, but you didn’t even have to ask today. Both men are dressed with their shirts tucked into their slacks—not jeans. 

You smooth out a pleat in your dress, scoop Hendrix out of his Pack-N-Play, and grin at your family. 

“You guys ready?” You ask, desperate to get everyone into the car before someone spills something on their clothes. While Harris and Hendrix would be the most obvious culprits of a mess, the men are just as capable of causing chaos.

Eddie slings Hendrix’s diaper bag over his shoulder and takes Harris’s hand in his. “Let’s ship out, team.”

“Ship out!” Hendrix echoes–loudly, right in your ear. You wince, but you can’t stay annoyed for too long, considering how happy you are. How happy everyone is; even the baby of the family, who doesn’t know why he’s in a good mood, just that he is.

Everyone piles into the sedan: Eddie in the driver’s seat, you in the passenger seat, and Wayne squished between his grandsons in the back.

“Don’t know how I ended up here,” Wayne grumbles, reaching behind for his seatbelt. 

Eddie grabs your hand as he pulls onto the road, giving it a tender squeeze. This is a huge deal; logically, you know this. To Eddie, he’s officially giving his son the mother he always deserved, and you’ll be able to make all sorts of important decisions for Harris. But to you, there is no piece of paper that can strengthen or weaken your love for your oldest son. Still, this is a promise from you to Harris, one that you will never break.

The courthouse’s silence is promptly broken with the Munsons’ arrival, as your family’s presence tends to do. Hendrix enjoys the way his delighted shrieks reverberate down the empty hallway, and Harris grips a nearby bench to jump out his nervous energy.

“Har?” you call out, waving him over to a private spot. He stops jumping long enough to follow you, shaking his hands excitedly.

You crouch down to his height and dig through your purse until you find what you’re looking for: a shiny silver compass with a quote engraved on the back:

“If you don’t get lost, there’s a chance you may never be found.” 

“Uncle Dusty recommended his favorite compass, and he said you can bring it on your next camping trip” you say with a smile, your lower lip trembling as you hold back tears. “I hope that every time you use it, you remember that I’ll always be here to help you find your way.”

Harris looks from you to the compass and back again. He grins and flings his arms around you, nearly knocking you over in the process.

“This is so cool!” He cheers. “I’m gonna show everyone!”

“What do you say?” Eddie reminds him, a twinkle in his eye.

Harris barely turns around to you to yell, “Thanks, Mom!”

Mom. That title never gets old, and you don’t think it ever will.

“Munson?” You jump slightly when a bailiff announces that it’s your turn to see the judge. He gives a small smile as you enter the courtroom, probably relieved that this is a joyful occasion that won’t likely require his intervention.

This is it, you think. You wish your dress had pockets to hide your trembling hands.

Everyone takes their positions. Harris stands between you and Eddie, and Wayne holds Hendrix at the end, ready to make a quick getaway in case the youngest Munson decides to throw a tantrum.

The judge addresses you directly. Her tone is firm but warm as she says, “Do you understand that if your petition for the adoption of Harris Wayne Munson is granted, you will be legally responsible for him?”

“Yes.” You feel Harris’s palm slide against yours; when you briefly look down, you see that his other hand is holding Eddie’s.

“And do you understand that this support includes food, clothing, shelter, as well as medical and educational support?” She continues.

You nod. “Yes.”

“And do you understand that if your request is granted, that you will be Harris’s parent in all respects, just as if he had been born to you?”

“Yes.” Your heart swells with love. Just as if he had been born to you. Even with the memorable pains and trials brought on by carrying and delivering Hendrix, you considered Harris just as much your son.

“And do you understand you will be undertaking the intellectual, spiritual, and moral guidance of Harris?”

You can almost hear your husband’s thoughts: Better her than me.

“Yes.” 

The judge goes through a few more questions, all regarding your abilities to care for Harris. With each one, you feel Harris’s bouncing get more exuberant; part of you wishes you could join him.

Finally, she declares, “Based upon the reports and recommendations, this court finds that granting this petition is in the best interest of Harris.” She looks directly at Harris as she says, “Congratulations, she’s officially your Mommy.”

A choked sob escapes your throat, and your free hand flies to your mouth. You and Eddie both crouch down to embrace Harris, and you can’t help but notice the tears in your husband’s eyes. Wayne makes his way to you and, as best as he can with Hendrix still in his arms, wraps you in a hug. You think he might be the only adult not crying, but a tell-tale sniffle gives him away.

Hendrix is very confused by the overt display of emotion. The last time Wayne cried was well before the boy was born, back when the Colts won the 1970 Super Bowl against the Cowboys.

“Daddy? Mommy? Grampa?” He asks. “Why you cry?”

“We’re fine, buddy. Just have some big feelings. Happy feelings,” Eddie clarifies, kissing Hendrix on a chubby cheek. He looks at Harris and grins. “How does it feel, Har? Now that Mom adopted you?”

Harris scrunches up his face. “Like the same.”

You laugh and ruffle his hair. It’s not as wild as it was when he was your student, his curls less of a mop. “Good ‘the same’?”

He grins, nodding and hugging you again. “I can’t wait to tell all of my friends, and Uncle Dusty, and Mr. Will…”

Harris continues listing people he’s going to share his news with all the way to the parking lot. Some names you recognize, and others he might as well be making up.

“Wait! I almost forgot!” You reach into your purse and pull out a Ziploc bag containing five Oreos. “Everyone take one, but don’t eat it yet.”

When each person has an Oreo in their hand, you raise your own to eye-level and begin your toast. “To my first son, Harris. Thank you for making me a mommy.”

“To Harris!” Wayne and Eddie chorus, and Hendrix just yells his brother’s name before chowing down on his cookie. 

As you all pile back into the car, Eddie takes your hand in his. Chocolate is still tucked into the crevices of his lips. 

“To you, Sweetheart. Thank you for being the mommy Harris always wanted. Thank you for making us a family again.”

The kiss tastes of vanilla creme, sugary sweet, and you swear you wouldn’t have broken it if Wayne didn’t clear his throat. 

“No need to make a third kid up there,” he mutters under his breath. 

Eddie glares at him, hoping Harris didn’t overhear the comment, but you press on. “Shall we celebrate at the diner?”

“Can we share pancakes?” Harris beams.

You crane your neck and look back at him, once again overwhelmed by the amount of love you hold for him–for your son.

“I’d love to.”

--

[redwinterroses]

Skizz for Hermit red yarn pins:

1. Mumbo's comment on his last HCs9 video, stating "no word on new members! ☺️" <- weak, but implies that new members are a possibility. Also smilie face is sus

2. Skizz being part of the Guess the Build challenges, along with relatively big names in MCYT

3. Skizz being invited to the server to play Decked Out -- yes, along with other people ("hermit hbomb" red yarn trails off to a separate board here) but he was the first confirmed and the first discussed.

4. The entire OlympZITS event with Zed, Impulse, Tango, Skizz, False, Doc, Joe, Beef, and Cleo

a) Zed: "Have we got all the hermits on? I think we're still gathering people together at the moment. We've got Impulse, Skizz, and Tango there..." b) Tango stream VOD titled "OlypZITS Mini Games with EIGHT Hermits!" and summary: "8 Hermits meet up on Zedaph's patreon server" c) VintageBeef: ""I had a team mate, his name was Impulse, and we were taking on... six- no, SEVEN, other hermits..." d) Doc's offer to give Skizz redstone lessons "soon"

5. Scar's comment about not wanting to give spoilers, implying there's something to spoil

6. Skizz continually talking about how "it's gonna be a big year for the Skizz" and how he and his wife agree that he can't keep doing full time dayjob and MCYT at the same time

tbh point 4b is the nail in the coffin for me, but all this adds up to SKIZZ HERMIT REAL for season 10 and if I'm wrong and my wall of red yarn and pins is a lie I'll find a hat and eat it.

[knavesflames]

transfem arle gagging us cause we being too loud while she destroys us??🥰🥰

Hi anon! The thought of that…. Oh…

Anyway, please enjoy☺️

Word count: 777

Contents: semi public sex..? In her office. Gagging you to keep you quiet.

[scheduled post]

Nsft utc!

Not once did you think you’d be sat on Arlecchino’s desk in the Fatui headquarters with your head buried in her shoulder, with her fingers buried in you. You’ve never been one for this, so why does it have you with a burning pit in your stomach? You can’t quite understand it, nor do you have any time to try to understand it when her fingers are curling inside of you every few seconds, drawing out mewls and whines without even properly trying.

“Be quiet.”

Her voice cuts through your thoughts like ice, her dark eyes piercing into yours. Of course you have to be quiet, there are people all over the fatui building, and the walls aren’t exactly soundproof. Soundproofing is the least of the Tsaritsa’s problems, very much more focused on reviving the third descender. Still, they protect you from others hearing your heavy breaths but you can’t count on the fact they protect you from much else.

Just as quickly as her words come out of her mouth, her fingers curl again. Despite her straight and unbothered face, she’s teasing you and you know it, the way her eyebrow quirks every time she hears a squelching sound coming from your cunt, the one that so greedily sucks in her fingers like it’s been starved. She finds that one spot inside of you, the one you know makes you unravel (she knew where it was, she didn’t need to find it, she was simply avoiding it), and a sound so dirty leaves your mouth that she finds herself rolling her eyes and sighing. She knew you couldn’t stay quiet. She loves it, really. It affects her in ways she’ll never tell you, how she’s throbbing and wants nothing more than to take you on the desk with the strap you love so much. But she cannot. Not today.

Her fingers pause in their ministrations, her frame moving from sat upright to bending down. She returns with something black and you recognise it immediately. The panties she practically ripped off of you earlier.

You wonder what on earth she’s doing holding those but—

“Open your mouth.”

“What?”

“You can’t be quiet, and I’m going to make you cum if it’s the last thing I do today. So, open your fucking mouth, doll.”

Something about her voice makes your jaw drop before your mind can even comprehend it, and the fabric is soon shoved into your mouth as a gag. She’s never done this before, gagged you. And yet, sitting on her desk at her mercy, unable to make a sound, sends shoots of electricity through you with every twitch of her fingers.

She eyes you for a few seconds, just watching. Waiting for any protest, a tap on her arm to say ‘stop, I don’t want this’. Nothing comes. You can almost swear her lips curl up in a smile, but it fades as quickly as it appears. Her fingers move again, harder, faster, and she attacks the spot inside of you relentlessly, not once leaving it or avoiding like she has been this entire time. For you, you’re practically screaming from how utterly good she makes you feel, but all that’s heard is the smallest of grunts, and barely even that.

Your hands clutch the desk harder, so hard, in fact, that your knuckles turn white and your nails leave crescents in the wood. Arlecchino will cherish that, you think, whether she says it or not. And she will. She’ll run her fingers over the dents when you’re not here. For now, though, her eyes don’t leave you for a millisecond, not when your eyes roll back and you begin twitching. Not when your hips start pathetically jumping up to gain more friction and her hand pushes you firmly down.

“Stay still. Good girl, nice and quiet. You look so pretty all gagged for me.”

Her whispers drive you further, and if you weren’t wearing shoes she’d see your toes curling as you unravel completely. Her eyes flit down almost imperceptibly, admiring the creamy ring formed around her fingers. Once she’s sure you’ve come down from your high, she pulls her fingers out with a pop and another squelch and pulls your underwear out of your mouth. You release them with a gasp, and then a breathless laugh. Arlecchino returns it with a small smirk of her own as you drag the now wet material up your legs, making yourself look presentable. When your hand turns the handle to leave, she speaks quietly, a hint of amusement only you can detect.

“Thank you for bringing my lunch, dear. I may have to forget more often.”

[thewintersoldierdisaster]

a/n: this is my aggressively self-indulgent birthday present to myself ☺️ and in true 30 year old fashion, i pulled a muscle in my back during pilates class this morning so i’ll be enjoying the day quietly 😂 anyway, i had so much fun writing it and i hope you guys enjoy!

word count: 10.9k

tw: oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), dirty talk, innuendo, car sex, semi-public sex, drinking

summary: you turn thirty and mat makes sure it’s a birthday to remember

You hadn’t been aware that you’d fallen asleep, but you’re woken up with Mat’s lips hot on your skin. He kisses the inside of your knee and you sigh, eyes still shut. The rasp of his playoff beard against your soft skin makes your stomach jump. Mat’s hand works its way up over the outside of your opposite thigh, fingers coming to rest and curl around your hip.

“Taste like champagne,” Mat mumbles, his voice hoarse from screaming at the parade. A shiver overtakes your body when he licks at your skin, blowing over the spot and raising goosebumps on your arms and legs.

A throaty giggle slips past your lips and your hands find his hair, overgrown since he’d lost his barber’s number during the playoff run. The dark strands are soft under your touch, slightly sticky from all the beer and champagne that had been flowing during the parade and post-parade celebrations just a few short hours ago. He groans against your inner thigh when you tug and then scrape your nails against his scalp.

“We basically bathed in the stuff,” you reply, spreading your legs wider for Mat to have more room between them. It’s dark outside still, no light streaming in behind the curtains. Mat’s shoulders are wedged between your legs, forcing you to drape your leg over one, the bottom of your foot resting flat just below his shoulder blade. Your bent knee gives Mat a clear view of your cunt, soaked for him always.

He doesn’t get any closer than halfway up your inner thigh though, licking and sucking gently at your skin. You can feel your skin chafing from the coarse hair covering the lower half of his face.

“It’s late,” you breathe, head fuzzy with lust. You’re still drunk, you think, your body both too heavy and too light. The parade down Hempstead Turnpike had been in the afternoon, the afterparty at Borrelli’s, the after-after party at Revel in Garden City, the after-after-after party in the Horvats’ backyard. You’ve had more alcohol in the past twenty four hours than in the past two years, probably.

“It’s early,” Mat counters, his fingers creeping down to brush against the crease of your thigh. “Happy birthday, Squeaks.”

You blink your eyes open, adjusting to the darkness, and let out a little giggle. “I almost forgot today’s my birthday,” you admit, too caught up in the whirlwind of watching Mat and the boys win a Cup to really keep track of the days. You suck in a sharp gasp when Mat’s teeth nip at your skin, even closer to the elastic edge of your panties. The fabric between your legs is damp and sticking to your skin.

“Dirty thirty,” Mat’s breath is hot on your skin, his head turning and nose rubbing against the damp spot on your panties. Your hips jump, pressing against his face. “Fuckin soaked, baby.”

He kisses over the wet spot and you hiccup a gasp, feeling more arousal flood your panties. Your fingers tighten in Mat’s hair and he groans against you sending a vibration straight to your core. Pressure coils tightly in your stomach, a live wire buried under your skin.

A whine works its way up your throat, your hips wriggling under Mat’s grip on them. “Mat,” you murmur his name, dizzy even though you’re on your back. Your toes curl against his back and Mat shifts up, pressing his shoulder up against the curve of your ass, bending your knee closer to your chest and pushing your other leg open wider.

“Birthday kisses?” He asks, lifting his head up slightly and grinning at you. His eyes are blown dark, a pink flush dusting his cheeks. Your hands are still buried deep in his hair. With the beard and longer hair, he looks almost dangerous. Less like your husband and more like a pirate ready to take exactly what he wants.

You nod, knowing he doesn’t intend to work his way up your body to kiss you properly. His teeth flash white against his dark beard and that gorgeous head disappears between your legs again.

Anticipation builds in your stomach while Mat carefully presses kisses to the insides of your thighs, alternating between legs to make sure no inch of skin is untouched. You whine and writhe, desperately trying to get your cunt to his face to relieve some of the throbbing. He nips at the junction of your thigh, a warning, and you tighten your grip on his hair.

“How many birthday kisses for my girl?” Mat rasps, his words a little slurred from all the drinking. He keeps one hand flat on your hip and hooks the index finger of his other hand around the edge of your panties, tugging the fabric to the side. “Thirty, one for each year you’ve been perfect?”

His beard scratches the inside of your thigh when his mouth lands on your cunt and you groan his name, panting already from the barest touch of his lips. Your heart beats wildly in your chest and Mat huffs a laugh against your folds, darting his tongue out to lick at you quickly.

“Please, oh my god,” you whine, all vestiges of sleep gone. Your nerve endings are on fire, desperate for him. Mat’s fingers are so close to your clit, holding the fabric of your panties aside, but his grip on your hip is too tight to let you move. “Mat,” you drag his name out into a choked moan, his tongue delving back into your wet, messy cunt. He licks and sucks at you like it’s his job and he’s getting paid by the hour. Carefully and methodically, his tongue drags more of your arousal from your entrance, the sounds of him eating you out obscene in the darkness of your bedroom.

The rasp of his beard on your inner thighs and against your sensitive cunt has tears slipping down your temples and into your hair. Mat dips his tongue into your entrance, holding it stiff so he can thrust it shallowly, and you keen, toes curling and fingers nearly ripping his hair from his head.

“Good girl,” he mumbles against you, nose bumping up against your swollen, sensitive clit and making you see stars.

“Please, please, Mat, oh my god, more,” you babble incoherently. His face is held right where you need him, the iron grip of your fingers giving him no room to pull back. He sucks gently at your clit and you choke off a scream, back bowing off the mattress and pushing your hips up into his face.

He moans against you and you kick at his back reflexively, drawing a grunt from him and making him grip your hip even tighter. You can feel your body dripping for him, arousal pooling under your ass faster than Mat can lick it up. He takes his time, licking and sucking painfully slowly, stoking the fire in your belly until it’s an inferno.

You’re not even sure what you’re saying as words fall from your lips, eyes wide open to watch Mat’s hips grind into the mattress. His ass, encased in a tight pair of royal blue boxer briefs, bounces with the movement and all you can picture is his hard, thick cock pressing into the mattress, leaking pre-cum and wetting the front of his briefs. Your mouth waters a little, desperate to get him in your hands or on your tongue and Mat’s tongue picks up its pace inside of your cunt.

“Oh my god,” you squeal out, writhing against Mat’s face, hiccuping and panting until Mat’s lips move up to latch around your clit and suck, hard. A shriek rips from your throat and your orgasm hits like a bomb, exploding in your veins and gushing out of your cunt to coat Mat’s face. You see stars and your chest heaves, breath catching as Mat continues to lick you through your orgasm, stroking gently over your hip bone. You whine and buck your hips against Mat’s face, eventually collapsing back against the mattress, a sheen of sweat making your oversized shirt stick to your skin.

“God,” you gasp, fingers cramping when you let go of Mat’s hair and flex them. Your legs tremble.

Mat’s head pops up between you legs and he gives you an absolutely shit-eating grin. “Nope, just me,” he chirps, wiping his hand over his beard. His whole face is shiny with your orgasm, but you’re so wrung out you can’t even be embarrassed about it.

Your foot twitches against his back and Mat’s grin widens, his head dipping again to kiss the inside of your thigh. “Real glad your parents took T,” he murmurs, kissing his way up over the top of your thigh to your hip bone. “I like when you scream for me.”

A yawn cracks your jaw and you squirm, overstimulated by the damp cotton stuck to your cunt and Mat’s weight on your legs. “Better let me take care of you so we can sleep before the princess is back tomorrow,” you reach down and scratch at Mat’s face, another yawn cutting your sentence in half.

He hums against your skin, fingers tracing nonsense patterns over your side. “I’m okay, babe,” he sucks a little mark over your hipbone, tracing the tip of his tongue over the spot, making you shiver. “Birthday girl doesn’t have to do anything.”

“What if-“ you yawn again, feeling your eyelids grow heavy, “the birthday girl wants to suck her Stanley Cup Champion husband’s dick?”

“How about we save that for when you’re able to keep your eyes open?” Mat chuckles and rubs his hand over your lower stomach, warm broad palm soothing you to sleep.

———

You wake up a couple of hours later, if the faint sunlight streaming in around the edges of the curtains is to be believed. Your legs are tingling, numb, and Mat’s not next to you when you turn your head. Instead, he’s still slotted between your legs, his head on your upper thigh and arms wrapped around your leg like it’s a teddy bear. A laugh bubbles up in your chest, even as Mat shifts and his shoulder wedges up against your cunt, arousal fizzing in your veins.

Reaching one hand out to your night table, your fingers brush up on your phone and tilt it so you can see the time - just after 5 in the morning, so plenty of time before the family comes over with Talia for your birthday breakfast. You let your eyes close again, the fingers on your other hand threading through Mat’s hair. Your body feels heavy from the early morning orgasm and the residual hangover from the parade yesterday. Most of it is faded, but you know that a nice greasy breakfast is going to do the last of the heavy lifting to make you feel normal again.

Mat stirs between your legs, his fingers tightening briefly around your thigh before loosening again. He rubs his bearded cheek against your skin like a cat and the bristles tickle you, goosebumps lifting on your arms. He’ll probably shave in the next few days, but you hope he’ll keep some stubble, if not most of the full beard.

His face is slack in sleep, laugh lines faint around his mouth and eyes. It’s been a gauntlet for Mat and the boys the last few months, but they have the ultimate prize now and every time you look at your Stanley Cup winning husband, the pride you feel for him grows exponentially. You’ll leave for Greece in a few days, a family vacation that all four of your parents and Liana are joining you on before they all head back home and you, Mat, and Talia skip off to Italy for another few days. It’s much needed family time after missing out on so much time with Mat during the post-season.

There’s still a ton to do before you leave, but today’s all about you, according to Mat.

Dirty thirty, you laugh to yourself. Never in a million years would you have thought this is where you’d be on your thirtieth birthday, with the best man you know madly in love with you and the greatest kid in the world. It’s been nearly seven years with Mat and every day just keeps getting better.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Your husband’s sleep rough voice startles you from your thoughts and he chuckles when you jolt under him. Mat lifts his head and rests his chin on your lower stomach, grinning up at you. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you whisper back, matching his grin. “Just…how amazing everything is.”

Mat blows a raspberry against your stomach and you shriek a laugh, pushing at his cheeks. “Stop, I’m allowed to be sappy on my birthday,” you whine, poking your lip out in a pout.

“Better sappy than crying like you usually do,” Mat teases. His fingers flex on your thighs and curl in towards the apex. One index finger traces over the edge of your panties. “These look damp,” he comments idly, continuing to trace his finger over until the tip of it is resting just over your clit. “Can’t be comfortable.”

You hum, already lifting your hips. Mat chuckles at how eager you are, sliding his hand up so the heel of his palm can grind against your clit and his fingers can curl under the top band of elastic. He shifts up to kneel in between your legs and you glance down to see the bulge in his briefs, one of your favorite sights in the morning. His free hand reaches for his dick and he grasps himself idly through the fabric, bringing the outline of him into stark relief. The shit-eating grin he gives you when he sees the fresh damp spot between your legs makes your knees go weak.

“Oh, birthday girl is desperate this morning, huh?” He murmurs, tugging down your panties and leaning forward to press a heated kiss to your lips. You groan against his mouth, parting your lips to allow his tongue inside.

“Mat,” you huff his name, breathless when he pulls back from the kiss. “Please.”

The plaintive syllable spurs Mat into action. He pushes the fabric of your sleep shirt up, exposing your breasts, nipples pebbled from arousal and the air conditioning. He sucks one into his mouth, his tongue circling until you’re moaning and canting your hips up into his hand. The backs of his knuckles are just barely touching you where you want him - need him - and you spread your legs farther apart, only to be stopped by the fabric of your panties still around your thighs.

“Mat!” You grumble, wriggling under him, trying to help your orgasm along.

He’s alternating between your breasts, licking a stripe in the valley between them. “Just relax, baby,” his voice vibrates in your chest when he speaks against yous skin. “Gonna make you feel good.”

And he does, burying three thick fingers in your cunt and crooking them until you’re screaming his name, gushing all over his hand. He murmurs filth into your skin as he pays attention to your breasts, sucking until your nipples are red and puffy. “Such a good girl,” he praises you, your heartbeat racing wilding in your chest, blood rushing in your ears. “Look so pretty when you come on my fingers.”

You’re boneless on the mattress, one leg slung lazily over Mat’s hip, and you give him a slow, dazed smile. “Fantastic start to thirty. Ten out of ten, no complaints,” you giggle, gaze trailing down to his cock. “Now, I remember something about the birthday girl wanting to suck her husband’s dick.”

Mat grins down at you and pinches your hip with his clean hand, the wet fingers of his other hand trailing over your stomach. “Who am I to deny the birthday girl?” He shrugs, his entire face crinkling up in the mischievous expression you love so much. You grin and sit up, pushing at Mat’s chest so he’s laying back and your positions are reversed.

“I like that attitude,” you smirk, scratching your nails lightly over his chest until your fingers reach the elastic of his briefs. You snap it once, enjoying the way Mat’s stomach muscles jump, before slipping your hand under the fabric and wrapping your hand around the hot, thick base of his cock.

“Oh, fuck,” Mat draws the curse out into a couple of groaned syllables. “Baby, have mercy, please.”

You tighten your grip and Mat grunts low in his throat. “Oh, I’ll be nice to you, baby,” your voice is a purr, faux-sweetness laced in every syllable.

Hours later, after Mat gave you another orgasm in the shower, pounding into you so hard you’re fairly convinced you saw God and feeding into that tiny little, not-so-secret wish that he put another baby in you, he changed the sheets on the bed and you’d both gotten ready for the day. You negotiated Mat away from a clean shave down to a healthy amount of stubble.

It is your birthday, after all.

You’re scrolling through the birthday texts and Instagram posts when the front door bangs open and Talia’s little feet stampede through the halls.

“Mommy! Happy Birthday!” She shrieks, running into your arms and giving you a huge hug. You laugh and lift her up onto your hip, tightening your arms around her.

“Thanks, love bug!” You press a smacking kiss to her cheek. “How was the sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa?”

While she chatters away, your parents appear in the kitchen with bags of food and a few gift bags. Mat’s parents and Liana aren’t far behind. Nadia and Liana have huge bouquets of flowers in their arms for you, to be mixed in with the days-old bouquets that had arrived after the Stanley Cup win. The entire kitchen island is covered in flowers and you grin into your birthday bouquet, thanking your mother-in-law and sister-in-law.

The kitchen is chaos for a few minutes, while everyone greets you with hugs and kisses, wishing you a happy birthday. Talia’s still on your hip, but she has one arm wrapped around Liana’s neck, making you both laugh while standing in an awkward position.

Mat appears and Talia lunges for him, leaving you and your sister-in-law in the lurch.

“Daddy’s girl,” you shake your head, taking the iced coffee that your mom offers you.

“Tossed over for the Stanley Cup champ,” Liana teases. “We get it.”

Behind Talia’s back, Mat flips off his sister and laughs, even as Nadia is scolding him. Laughter and conversation echo around the kitchen and you lean a hip against the counter, sipping at your coffee, taking it all in with a small smile. Your mom appears at your side, nudging your arm with her elbow and smiling up at you.

“I’m so proud of you, sweetheart,” she murmurs, squeezing your hand. “Talia, she’s just such a delight, exactly like you were at her age.”

You laugh a little. “Oh, she’s totally Mat’s mini. I think she got the best of both of us,” you reply, watching Liana try to teach Mat and Talia one of those schoolyard clapping games. All three of them are laughing and Talia’s bossing them around.

“Well, either way, you’re a wonderful mom and I’m so glad we got to be in town for your birthday,” she pinches your cheeks together and presses a kiss to your nose, just like she used to do when you were a kid.

“I’m glad you guys are here too,” you reply, tucking up against her side and resting your cheek on the top of her head. “And we’re extra glad that you’re all teaming up to watch T while we celebrate.”

There was no chance either you or Mat was able to parent last night or this morning, not with the amount of alcohol you had mainlined during the celebrations. Your mom laughs and waves you off, saying it was nothing.

The rest of the morning passes in a comfortable blur of homemade breakfast and bakery pastries, presents, and plenty of cuddles from Talia. You, Liana, and Talia do a Starbucks run too for your free birthday gift, detouring to Sephora and Chip City for those birthday freebies too.

“So, did Mat tell you where he’s taking me for dinner tonight?” You ask Liana, wiping whipped cream off of Talia’s face. Mat had told you he was taking you out for a fancy dinner, but hadn’t said anything else, other than you should dress up.

“I think the city,” Liana comments off-handedly. “Nothing specific other than that though.”

You squint at her, a little suspicious because you know the siblings are close and Mat tells Liana like 85% of his plans, especially when they involve you and surprises.

“The city?” Talia pipes up, her face breaking out into a huge smile. “Do I get to go?”

You’d brought Talia into the city to see the tree this past Christmas and now she’s obsessed with it and being like Eloise in the Plaza. So every time you or Mat go into the city, she thinks she’s tagging along.

“Not this time, kiddo,” Liana tugs at her pigtail. “Your mom and dad are going solo to celebrate your mom’s birthday.”

“I wanna go!” Talia kicks the back of the passenger seat and you wrap your hand around her ankle.

“Hey! No kicking, I get that you want to come, but right now this visit isn’t for you. Daddy and I will bring you in a different time, okay?” You wait for her to nod her agreement and then unbuckle her from her car seat so she can scamper up the walkway to the house.

Liana falls into step next to you, snorting a little laugh. “She’s so fiesty and then so agreeable. That didn’t come from either of you,” she teases.

“I’m so much more agreeable than Mat,” you counter, laughing too. “Plus it’s my birthday, aren’t you supposed to be nice to me?”

She bumps her hip into yours, “annoying little sister privileges!”

As an only child, you love the relationship you’ve developed with Liana, so you’ll happily take her teasing and chirping as a sign of affection.

Mat has lunch ready for Talia and reminds you that dinner reservations are at 6, so you have to start getting ready soon so you can leave on time.

“I don’t even get a single hint?” You pout, picking at the leftover half of a cinnamon roll from breakfast.

“Here’s your hint, put on a cute little dress,” Mat kisses behind your ear and lets his hand fall to your ass, grabbing a palmful, “and let me handle everything else.”

“You’re a menace,” you grumble, leaning back against his chest. “How do I know if I’m dressed properly?”

Mat’s hands wander over your hips, flattening over your stomach and slipping below the hem of your shirt to tickle your bare skin. “Li knows where I’m taking you, she’ll let you know if the outfit is good.”

You gasp, “she told me she didn’t know! Bunch of liars!”

Mat’s laugh echoes behind you when you break away from his grip and shout for his sister, stomping out to the back deck where she’s watching Talia in the pool.

Liana’s like a vault though, refusing to tell you where you’re going, but she does agree to help you pick a dress. So, after you shower, she and Talia camp out on your bed, both on their stomachs with their legs kicking in the air. Talia keeps looking over at Liana to mimic any change in position and it’s adorable, the way she wants to be just like her aunt.

“Oh, Mommy,” Talia sighs, her chin cupped in her hands, “you look so pretty.”

“Thank you, T,” you beam at your daughter, fingers tugging gently at the hem of the short black dress. “Is it too short?”

Liana shakes her head, “nope. It would be perfect.”

You look at yourself in the mirror and smooth your hands over your hips, cocking your head at your reflection. It does look nice and you haven’t worn it in a while.

“Maybe you need sparkles, Mommy,” Talia kicks her feet in the air. “Cause then you’d be like a princess!”

Liana nods when you look over at her. “Sparkles are also appropriate,” her grin matches Mat’s and you shake your head, disappearing back into the walk-in to find a dress with sparkles. You can hear Talia chattering to Liana, telling her all about the play date she’d just had with the Martin girls and Tulsa Horvat. You flip through the random dresses hanging in the back of your closet, fingers skipping over the more casual ones and the longer ones, until you land on the tiny, sequined mini that you wore for a New Year’s Eve party. The black sequins glitter in the closet’s overhead lighting and you feel good when you pull it on, sexy and sparkly and fun.

Based on the delighted gasp Talia lets out, she thinks you look good too.

“Mommy!” She jumps up onto your bed, bouncing a little with her arms thrown wide. “You’re sooooo pretty!”

She bounces and falls on top of Liana, who lets out a little grunt and grabs Talia around the middle to tickle her mercilessly. Talia shrieks and giggles, wriggling away from Liana and rolling off the bed to beeline for you. Her arms wrap around your leg and she looks up at you with big hazel eyes, “Mommy, can I pleaseeeee come to the city? Because you look so pretty with sparkles on.”

“Nice try,” you scratch at the top of her head. “You’re staying here with your grandparents and Aunt Li.”

Talia pouts and drops her head back dramatically, before disappearing into your closet. You can hear her start to knock shoes off their shelves and clomp around in your heels. You giggle at the noise and sit down at your vanity to start doing your hair and makeup. Liana rolls towards the end of your bed to chat.

“Did you start packing for Greece?” She asks, laughing when a little crash sounds from the closet and Talia shouts out, “I’m okay, Mommy! But the shoes fell.”

You roll your eyes, knowing you’re going to have to do a major clean up tomorrow, and look at Liana in the vanity’s mirror. “Nope, been way too busy celebrating,” you smirk. “Packing is a future me problem.”

“Spoken like a true Barzal,” Liana chirps. “You’re officially one of us.”

Waving the Dyson at her so she’ll get the hint to come and curl the back of your hair, you reply, “your brother’s bad habits have definitely rubbed off on me.”

“What have I rubbed on you?” Mat pokes his head into the bedroom, grinning wickedly and ducking when you toss a makeup brush at him. He bends to pick it up off the floor and twirls it around his fingers.

“Your daughter is within earshot, Mathew,” you reply primly, smothering a giggle with your lips rolled together. Liana tugs at the Dyson, releasing another curl, and you can see her roll her eyes.

“You two are gross,” she comments.

Mat points the brush at her and replies, “you’re in our home, we’re allowed to be gross here.”

“You’re gross everywhere! Don’t think we missed the ass grab during the parade, or the way your hand mysteriously disappeared,” Liana shoots back, your cheeks flushing hot at the memory of Mat’s hand down your shorts.

Your husband just shrugs, unbothered. “I’m gonna hop in the shower quick and I should be done by the time you are,” he presses a kiss to the top of your head as he walks past, clearly used to the time it takes you to get ready.

Mat’s still ready before you are, waiting downstairs with the family while you finish off your makeup and spray yourself in a cloud of Black Opium. Jewelry adds the final touch, your wrists jingling with the two Love bracelets and Van Cleef Alhambra bracelets you’ve collected over the years and your ears studded with the stupidly large diamond solitaires that Mat (and Talia, according to the card!) had given you this morning for your birthday. You take a final look in the mirror and smile at yourself, feeling settled and excited to start your thirties.

When you come downstairs, heels in your hand, Mat wolf whistles, cheeks flushing a little pink. “You look fucking edible, baby,” he murmurs, settling his hand heavy on the curve of your hip and tugging you close to press a kiss against your lips, biting down gently on your lower lip.

“Ditto,” you giggle when he pulls away, raking your gaze over Mat’s form, from the top of his tousled hair to peek of his throat and collarbones through the unbuttoned collar of his shirt, down to the loafers he’s wearing without socks.

“Ready for your birthday dinner?” He asks, folding you into an embrace, for no real reason other than him wanting your body flush against his. You can feel his cock twitch in his slacks.

You hum an affirmative against his skin, scratching lightly at the nape of his neck, “still no hints on dinner?”

“Just that we’re going into the city,” he kisses your cheek, spinning you around and patting your ass to get you moving to the door. You pad through the kitchen, planning on putting your heels on in the car.

Talia has all four grandparents monopolized on the couch, her head in Nadia’s lap and her feet on your mom’s lap. Beauty and the Beast is playing on the TV and you giggle when you realize that your dad and Mike are engrossed in the cartoon too.

“Hey,” you call softly, getting everyone’s attention. You notice Liana’s missing, has been since she finished your hair, but there’s also no dinner being cooked so she must’ve run out to pick up the food. “We’re heading out, give me a kiss, love bug.”

Talia stands up on the couch and plants a smacking kiss to your cheek telling you again that you’re ‘sooo pretty, even prettier than Belle, Mommy! And she’s the prettiest princess,’ before giving Mat a kiss too and a hug that has her jumping over the back of the couch and clinging to him like a monkey. He peppers kisses over her cheeks and she pushes him away after a minute, nearly back flipping out of his arms to get back on the couch and curl up with her grandmas.

“Remember, bedtime is 8, please,” you tell your mom and Nadia, knowing they’re going to disregard that completely. They nod and wave you out the door, Mat’s hand low on your ass doing the most work to get you out to the car.

He opens the door for you, like a legitimate gentleman, and bobs his head along when you flip the radio to the Sirius 90s pop station. His hand falls quickly from the steering wheel to your bare upper thigh and you smirk down at it. His fingers are long and thick, tanned even though he hasn’t been spending that much time outside. He taps them against your thigh in time with the music and your stomach does a little flip, lurching like you missed a step.

“Skin’s so soft,” Mat murmurs, eyes on the road, trailing his fingers up and down your thigh, closer and closer to the hem of your dress. “Just as soft as burying my fingers in your tight, little cunt.”

You let out a little squeak at his words, heat rushing between your legs, letting them fall open slightly. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Mat’s grin widen, his fingers dipping up under your dress and stopping.

“Mat,” you huff. You clit throbs.

Pulling to a stop at a red light, he turns to face you with a raised eyebrow and a little smirk. “What’s the matter, Squeaks? Need something?”

You growl in the back of your throat. Fucking menace. “Don’t make me say it,” you grumble, his fingertips are dancing lightly against your inner thigh.

“You’re a big girl now,” Mat’s smile is wicked, “you know how to ask for what you want.”

“Mat,” you whine, pressing back into your seat as the light turns green and Mat hits the gas. Your hands grip his wrist, trying to push his hand closer to your cunt. His tendons flex under your fingers, his hand immovable. “Please, I need you to touch me.”

He slides his fingers up higher, bumping just against your covered clit and you gasp, relaxing down into the seat. “Anything for the birthday girl,” he grins, moving his fingers slightly while still keeping his eyes on the road. “Go ahead, use my hand, babe.”

It’s awful and dirty and not even close to the most depraved thing you and Mat have done in his car, but you sigh and spread your legs a little wider, the hem of your dress inching up your thighs so you can guide Mat’s hand exactly where you need it. He merges onto the Grand Central and you know you only have a limited amount of time to get yourself off.

Shouldn’t be hard since you’ve honestly been wet for Mat since you saw him in the kitchen. The combination of the open neck of his button down and the peek of his chain is enough to get you halfway to an orgasm.

His fingers slip against your clit and you let out a little sigh, wiggling your hips against his hand. Mat chuckles a little and his voice is rough when he says, “go ahead, be as loud as you want. No one’s gonna hear you.”

You don’t even really want to be that loud, all of your attention focused on getting off as fast as you can. Mat’s fingers rub gently at your folds through the fabric of your thong, the fabric soaked through to the point where you think you really should’ve thought this through and sitting in a restaurant is going to be wildly uncomfortable with a damp thong.

Little whimpers leave your mouth while you pull the fabric to the side, guiding Mat’s middle and ring fingers to your entrance. He lets them sink into you in a quick slide and you clench around his fingers, groaning at the slight stretch.

“Sound so pretty when my fingers fill you,” Mat says, crooking his fingers just right and hitting your g-spot with enough force that your leg kicks out and your knee smashes into the underside of the dash.

“Ow, fuck, oh my god,” your yelp of pain trails off into a moan when Mat pumps his fingers without warning.

His fingers rub against the walls of your cunt and you feel arousal trickle down the curve of your ass, wincing when you think about the state of the car’s seat.

“You okay, babe?” Mat asks, glancing over at you.

“Mhm,” you nod, your own fingers moving from Mat’s wrist so you can circle your clit. “Just need…I’m so close, oh my god.”

Your fingers make tight little circles around the sensitive bundle of nerves, building tight pleasure in your stomach in tandem with Mat’s thick fingers.

The pads of Mat’s fingers press - hard - against your g-spot and you toss your head back against the headrest, coming around his fingers with a high pitched moan, your cunt clenching around his fingers like a vice. He continues to stroke your walls through the trembling aftereffects and the song on the radio changes over to ‘Genie in a Bottle’ and you start to giggle as the lyrics filter through the buzzy haze of your orgasm.

“Oh my god,” you laugh, Mat’s snort making you laugh even harder. His fingers wiggle in the grip of your cunt and your spasms of laughter only serve to grip him tighter.

“What a fucking soundtrack,” Mat cracks up, laughing so loud the music is nearly drowned out. He pulls his hand out from between your legs and you whine at the sudden emptiness. His hand glistens with your come and his smirk is devilish. “Proof I rubbed you the right way, huh, Squeaks?”

You groan, laughing, “god, you’re awful, Mathew!”

“You’re laughing though,” he chirps, sticking both fingers in his mouth to suck them clean. You clench your thighs together at the wet popping sound he makes when he withdraws his fingers from his mouth.

“Fuck,” you grumble, feeling lightheaded. “You’re going straight to the bathroom to wash your hands when we get to the restaurant.”

He pumps a little Purell onto his hand from the bottle sitting in his cup holder and grins at you, “yes, Mommy.”

You narrow your eyes at him and shake your head, “oh, don’t even start that, Mat! I’m already so messy, do you have napkins or something in here?” You’re flipping open the center console as you speak, finding nothing but a pair of sunglasses, one of Talia’s Polly Pocket dolls, and six protein bars in the space.

“I think T left her towel on the backseat after her swim lesson the other day,” Mat cranes his neck to look in the rear view mirror and nods. “Yep, it’s back there.”

Reaching back, your fingers grasp the striped towel and you pull it into the front seat, shaking your head. “Are we, like, sex maniacs? Because this isn’t even close to the weirdest thing I’ve cleaned myself up with,” you snort a laugh through your nose and wipe at your thighs with the chlorine-scented towel. You roll your window down too, trying to get the smell of sex out of the car.

“Honestly?” Mat laughs, changing lanes. “We probably are, but when my wife is as hot and smart and funny as you are? Who could blame me?”

“Flatterer,” you murmur, a faint smile on your face and butterflies fluttering around your stomach. Flirting with Mat will never get old.

You toss the dirty towel back into the backseat, making a mental note to bring it into the house later to wash.

Rummaging around in the glove compartment, you withdraw your little toiletry bag and spray a little bit of the travel sized Black Opium perfume on your thighs and hair.

“What?” You ask, catching Mat looking at you.

“How long has that been in there?” He laughs, studying you while you touch up your lipstick with a miniature tube.

You smack your lips, shifting the color, and giggle at your husband. “Since the first time we had sex in the car,” your laugh grows.

The rest of the drive into the city is quiet, Mat trying to hold your hand over the center console and laughing when you push his arm away because you “know where his fingers have been!”

“Yeah,” Mat shoots back, “inside of you!”

He drives over the 59th Street Bridge and you’re still trying to guess where you’re going, even as Mat drives into Midtown. He remains frustratingly tightlipped, driving past Bryant Park and pulling into an Icon Parking garage in the middle of West 36th.

You buckle your shoes around your ankles and climb out of the car, wondering just exactly where you’re having dinner nearly in the middle of Times Square. Nothing looks familiar to you, in terms of fancy restaurants that you and Mat have discussed trying out. Mat hands his keys off to the parking attendant and takes your hand with his clean one.

“How far are we going?” You cling to his hand, skipping along in your heels. “Because these aren’t walking heels, they’re look good at dinner and then draped over your husband’s back while he rails you in bed heels.”

Mat snorts a laugh and replies, “literally down the block, babe. If we were going any further, I’d carry you.”

“Down the block?” By the time the question is out of your mouth, Mat is stopping and guiding you towards the door of the Moxy Hotel. You squint up at the neon pink sign and tilt your head at Mat, pushing the door open.

“Magic Hour,” he says in response to your unasked question. “Rooftop bar since I know those are the birthday girl’s favorites.”

You give him an excited little bounce-shimmy because he’s right, you love a rooftop bar especially in the warm days of June in New York. You’ve never been to Magic Hour, have heard of it though with its rotating seating area and miniature mini golf course.

“Well this is a fun surprise,” you beam, resting your chin on his bicep. “Go wash your hands and we can get up there!”

“Yes, ma’am,” Mat laughs, presses a smacking kiss to your cheek and scampers off, returning a few minutes later with freshly washed hands. He takes your hand and guides you to the elevators, your heels clicking along the floor. You lean against the back wall of the elevator, watching Mat’s fingers punch at the rooftop button.

“You got lucky today’s a beautiful day,” you tease. “Otherwise all those rooftop dinner plans are out the window.”

Mat’s smile curves up at an amused angle, something twinkling in his eyes. A secret? He looks more delighted than he should. “There was a Plan B,” he promises. “I’m just glad we didn’t need it.”

“What was the Plan B?” You ask, curious. But Mat doesn’t have a chance to answer, the elevator doors sliding open to reveal another hallway decorated with silver elephant heads. “Oh this is fun!”

You traipse ahead of Mat towards the doors, pointed off in the right direction by the woman at the reservation stand. He’s trailing behind you and you angle your chin over your shoulder to say something to him, pushing open the door to the rooftop.

“SURPRISE!”

The shout registers a second later and you jump, eyes wide and mouth dropped open, hands flying up to cover the lower half of your face. Mat’s laughter is at your back and the crowd of people in front of you are a blurry mess of faces and delighted cheering.

“Oh my god!” You gasp, taking a little step back instinctively, right into Mat’s waiting hands. They’re warm and solid on your hips.

“Happy birthday, Squeaks,” he murmurs into your ear, kissing your cheek. “Surprise,” his whisper is low and makes you shiver.

“Mat…” a lump of emotion clogs your throat, overwhelmed by the surprise party and Mat’s thoughtfulness. His hands squeeze your hips gently and he nudges you forward.

“Go ahead, greet your adoring crowd,” he laughs. “I’ll be around.”

You’re immediately pulled into a hug and shout with excitement and shock when you realize it’s Liana wrapping her arms around you. “Oh my god!” You yelp, hugging her back. “Aren’t you supposed to be hanging out with my kid? I was wondering why you weren’t at the house when we left.”

She grins and bounces up and down in her heels. “I snuck out and caught a ride in with Bo and Holly,” she beams, looping her arm in yours and dragging you deeper into the party. “My big sister is turning thirty, of course I wasn’t missing this party.”

Tears well up in your eyes and you lean into Liana’s side, bumping your head against hers.

“I can’t believe Mat pulled this off,” you say, completely awed. “With the playoffs and … well, I had no clue!”

“He had plenty of help!” Syd comes up behind you and wraps you in a huge hug. “Happy thirtieth, girl! Welcome to the club!”

Holly laughs and hugs you tightly. “Mat’s only two stipulations were an open bar and a neon sign because and I quote, ‘my girl loves those fuckass neon signs.’”

“He loves those fuckass neon signs!” You protest loudly. “He’s just as much of a basic bitch as I am.”

All three women nod in agreement. “Oh we know,” Liana grins, any opportunity to make fun of her brother.

The neon sign in question is pointed out to you - bright orange and spelling out ‘Dirty Thirty’ in script, it’s attached to a fake plant backdrop and you’re informed that it’s yours to keep - and then you’re moving throughout the party, greeting guests and getting wrapped up in hugs from the guys. At some point, someone places a plastic princess tiara on your head and hands you a glass.

It’s a Bay Breeze, your favorite, and when you finally make it to the bar, there’s a sign on top that names it as your signature drink. The Squeaks Special. Mat had to have been behind that one, the only one to use the nickname, and it makes you smile.

There are a couple of other speciality drinks that are named for you - a bright orange Aperol Spritz, an espresso martini, and your stand-by of a vodka cranberry. You know you’ll be sampling each one as the night goes on. But for now you stick to your Squeaks Special, the alcohol warming your body from the inside out.

The rooftop is huge, crowded with your guests. The entire team is here, including the handful of players that have retired in the last few years. Your friends from college and grad school, your parent friends from Talia’s class. Your best friends from high school. You spend more time than you realize catching up with everyone, wondering just how Mat and the girls knew to create a guest list made up of your favorite people in the world.

Including - “Tito! Emma!” you shriek, spotting your husband’s best friend and his wife chatting with Mat at the mini golf green and making a beeline for them, wrapping an arm around each of their necks and pulling them into a three person hug. Their arms loop around your back and you wobble slightly, a pleasant buzz settling in.

“Happy birthday!” Emma squeals, keeping her arms looped over your shoulder. “Perfect weather, perfect party for our perfect girl!”

You beam, waving a hand in the air, a giggle slipping past your lips. “Because I have the sweetest, most thoughtful husband in the world,” you blow a kiss at Mat.

“How many of those have you had?” Mat laughs, reaching out to take a sip of your Aperol Spritz. He winces at the harsh taste and washes it down with a sip of his Jack and coke.

“Enough,” you shrug. Truthfully, you’re not entirely sure, but Mat doesn’t need to know that. Returning to the conversation, you say, “I can’t believe neither of you slipped up on anything. Especially when we were talking about the August visit.”

Emma and Tito’s little boy is a few years younger than Talia and you were planning a trip down to Nashville for a visit in early August, once you’re back from Europe.

“We were under strict orders not to spill the beans,” Tito laughs, clapping Mat on the shoulder. “Pain of death if we ruined your surprise.”

Mat shrugs, a lazy smile on his lips and amusement dancing in his eyes. “Half of you are lucky you got told at all, big fucking mouths,” he teases, opening his arm for you to snuggle against his side. His arm is warm over your shoulders and you loop your fingers loosely over his belt, enveloped by the scent of his cologne and the laundry detergent you just switched over to.

“Well, I had no clue,” you assure him. “I’m…I’m really overwhelmed, honestly.” You choke up a little. “I just love that everyone I love is here.”

“You deserve it, babe,” Mat kisses the top of your head, getting an “oooh” from Emma and Tito and making you laugh. You lean up on your toes and kiss the side of Mat’s neck, a faint transfer of your lipstick smudging his skin.

“Oh!” The music transitions into a club mix of ‘Believe’ and you bounce, grasping Mat’s hand and tugging him over to the space in the middle of the rooftop that’s functioning as a dance floor. “Dance with me!”

Mat laughs and follows along, resisting just slightly. “Only because it’s your birthday,” he teases.

You shake your ass at him, tossing a grin over your shoulder. “Liar! You love a good jump around dance, don’t pretend,” your voice strains, shouting over the music. Mat’s free arm locks around your waist and pulls you back to him, your ass pressed tightly against his crotch, the bulge of his cock hot against the curve of your ass. You wiggle happily against him, getting comfortable, and let go of his hand so you can loop your arm around his neck and rest the back of your head against his collarbone, grinding and dancing completely off-beat.

Somehow, while the songs change, you polish off your drink and some of Mat’s and a few little snacks that someone keeps putting into your hands. You’ve lost track of how many drinks you’ve had, know that you did a round of shots with Cal, Casey, and Matt.

At some point, you end up behind the bar, dancing absently to the music that’s playing and pouring drinks for everyone. God knows if they’re the right drinks, but no one seems to be complaining. Mat’s leaning against the bar, grinning at you.

“What?” You say, cocking your head at him and overfilling a glass with seltzer. You shake your hand off and the actual bartender pours the drink properly, handing it off to one of your college friends.

“Nothing,” Mat shrugs, “you’re just really cute.”

Heat rushes to your face and you giggle. “You’re really cute,” you shoot back, reaching over the bar to grasp Mat’s hand. His fingers curl around yours and he pushes himself forward, over the bar, so he can capture your lips with his. His tongue passes over yours and you moan into his mouth, your free hand grabbing at the open neck of his shirt to pull him in even closer. Your fingers brush against the warm metal of his chain and you tug gently at it, a growl vibrating at the back of Mat’s throat. Mat’s hand gropes at your chest, cool fingers dipping beneath the fabric of your dress and squeezing gently at the swell of your breast. You whine and deepen the kiss, pressing your chest into his hand, wolf whistles from your friends rattling around in your brain.

You pull back from the kiss, desperate for air, and Mat has your lower lip captured between his teeth, tugging gently on it. You push a little at his chest, getting him to release you, and suck in a shaky breath.

“Get a fuckin’ room!” Marty shouts, laughing.

“When has a lack of privacy ever stopped them?” Bo chimes in, sounding exasperated.

Mat grins at you and you can see that his face is flushed. “Say the word, baby, I’ll haul you off to the bathroom right now,” his voice is low, his fingers drawing aimless trails up and down your arm. Your clit throbs in response to his voice, dampness growing between your thighs.

It’s on the tip of your tongue to say yes, to nod and have his arms around you in a second, an orgasm flooding your senses before you can even be missed.

And then the opening notes to ‘Stop’ by the Spice Girls start and your eyes go wide, an excited squeal from your lips barely audible over the music. You dart around the bar, leaving Mat hanging over the counter, confused and surprised by your sudden disappearance.

Until you start shouting for Syd, Alexa, and Liana, shimmying your way into the middle of the dance floor. Mat realizes exactly what’s happening when his sister and the other two blondes join you in a line, drunkenly performing choreography to the song.

Mat cracks up and he’s in the thick of it seconds later, recording the impromptu performance, holding his phone up and sticking his head in the shot as you hold your hands out and cross them over your chest, your movements not as sharp as they could be. Next to you, Sydney and Liana burst out into giggles, Alexa shouting along to the lyrics. Mat sings loudly and off-key, barely audible over the music.

“I need somebody with a human touch,” you drag out the notes, slurring your words a little, and Mat dances next to you, thrusting his hips a little, recording everything. You turn and kiss him, giggling against his mouth. When the song ends, you fall into a pile of arms, laughing and hugging the girls.

“I didn’t think I would remember that,” Syd grins, thinking about how drunk you’d all been during the game watch party a year ago when you decided to learn the choreography to the song instead of focusing on the game.

Alexa snorts, “valuable brain cells are used up on remembering 90s choreography.”

“Big hit with your fans,” Mat waves his phone in the air, the screen playing his Insta story, your off-rhythm dancing the focus, with Mat’s face popping up in the bottom corner of the screen, his face scrunched up in a delighted expression.

You reach for the phone, stumbling a little and landing hard against Mat’s chest, his arm locked around your waist. “That’s what you post?” You whine. “Not my amazing bartending shkills…skillsh…talents?” Your eyebrows furrow, your mouth clumsy around the sharp consonant.

“My drink was all cranberry, no vodka,” Alexa chirps.

“You gave me a White Claw when I asked for a beer,” Noah grins, draping an arm over his girlfriend’s shoulders.

A handful of your other friends chime in with their wrong drinks and you stick your tongue out at the group, “you’re supposed to lie to me!”

They all refuse to lie to you and you’re too drunk to care, slipping your way off the dance floor with Mat at your back, attention span moving onto the next conversation.

You’re not sure what time it is when Mat pulls you to the middle of the rooftop again, your question cut off when everyone starts singing Happy Birthday and a huge sheet cake is wheeled out in front of you, three big sparkler candles making everything glow. A picture from your first birthday is printed on the frosting and you grin down at your own face - your mom had to have supplied the picture to Mat - blowing out the number candles lit next to the sparkler candles.

“What did you wish for?” Mat asks in your ear, kissing your cheek. One of his hands is resting on the curve of your ass and the other swipes up a bit of frosting for you to try.

You lick it off his finger delicately, knowing you’re going to hear shit from the girls during the party debriefs in the coming days, and hoping someone got a picture anyway.

“Can’t tell you,” you whisper back, “otherwise it won’t come true.”

There’s only one thing missing from your life right now and you refuse to dwell on that anxiety producing thought for the night, instead choosing to swipe frosting onto your own fingers and run them over Mat’s cheek, laughing and running off when his mouth drops open in shock. You’d lost your heels hours ago, so your escape is going well until Mat follows, considerably less drunk than you are, and captures you around the waist, your legs swinging up in the air with your changed momentum.

“Brat,” Mat grumbles affectionately into your ear, peppering kisses down the back of your neck.

“Do something about it,” you challenge him, pressing your ass back against his crotch.

Mat’s hands tighten around your waist and you let out a little sigh, relaxing into his grip. His face is buried in your hair, lips working over the nape of your neck. Every so often his teeth scrape against your skin and you shiver, barely aware that he’s carrying you back inside, into the little hallway with the silver elephant heads on the wall.

“So needy,” he mumbles, pressing you up against the wall, kissing your cheek and letting his hands slide over your stomach and down to the bare skin of your upper thighs. “Lucky for you I’ve never been able to resist you.”

“Mat…” you whine his name, choking off in a gasp when his fingers find your clit and expertly roll the sensitive bundle until tears well up in your eyes and arousal soaks your panties. It doesn’t take long for your orgasm to build, Mat’s middle finger teasing between your folds and his thumb and index finger working your clit.

“Come on, baby,” he grins into your shoulder, never stopping his movements. “Got a party full of people waiting for you, come on my hand and you can get back out there.”

You clap your hand over your mouth to muffle the high-pitched moan Mat drags out of you, your orgasm hitting like a tidal wave, your come drenching Mat’s hand.

“Good girl,” he praises you through the rolling waves of your orgasm, pulling his hand from between your legs and taking a little step back so you’re not crushed between his chest and the wall. “Back to the party,” he chuckles and pats your ass with his clean hand, guiding you back out to the rooftop.

Your legs are shaky and you’re grateful that you’re barefoot because the post-orgasm leg weakness wouldn’t have combined well with your heels and the alcohol you’ve had to drink. Mat isn’t at your side and you assume he’s gone to wash his hands, but you don’t have a chance to really wonder where he’s gone or worry about it because you’re drawn into a drunken mini golf competition with Noah, Alexa, Bo, and Holly. Bo and Noah are the only ones who manage to do a halfway decent job, you and the girls giggling and sending the colorful golf balls rolling off the fake green.

The party winds down in the early hours of the morning and you find yourself tucked up on Mat’s lap, his hands warm on your back and outer thigh while he cradles you. Your cheek is pillowed on his chest and you’re half having a conversation with Holly, half falling asleep.

“I think the party’s over,” Mat chuckles, looking down at you.

“No,” you whine, “I don’t want my birthday to be over.”

“Hate to break it to you, Squeaks,” Mat’s lips are against your temple, “but it’s almost 2am. Your birthday’s been over for a couple of hours now.”

“That sucks,” your voice is muffled by Mat’s shirt and you yawn. “It was the best birthday.”

The last stragglers for the party get up when you and Mat do, hugging you goodbye and heading out into the night. You and Liana lean heavily on either side of Mat and he grumbles about trying to find his wallet in his pocket while you’re leaning on him.

“I literally can’t move,” you yawn, jaw cracking. You’re not as drunk anymore, but the exhaustion is settling in.

“Hop on,” Mat laughs, bending his knees slightly so you can climb onto his back with a happy little squeak. Your arms lock around his neck and you rest your cheek against his head.

“You smell like a bar,” you mumble, strands of Mat’s hair moving with your breath.

Mat’s heading out of the Moxy, nudging Liana along with the hand that isn’t propped under your ass to hold you in place. “Better than my post-game smell, huh?” he laughs. “Li, come on. Walk.”

“I wanna be carried too,” she complains, limping along in her heels.

“Car park is literally next door,” Mat rolls his eyes, bouncing you up higher onto his back when he feels you start to slip. Your thighs clamp tighter around his waist and Mat grunts a little.

“Can still smell your cologne though,” you continue, the heels in your hands dangling against Mat’s chest. “I like this one. Smells so good.”

The cool night air hits your face as Mat walks out onto the sidewalk, free hand wrapped around Liana’s wrist to keep track of her for the thirty foot walk to the Icon Parking lot. You snuggle up tighter against Mat’s back, eyes closing while he walks. Mat’s chuckle vibrates your chest and he sounds amused when he says, “you staying awake back there, Squeaks?”

“Mhm,” you hum. “Awake, totally awake.”

“Yeah, okay,” Mat scoffs, paying for the parking and stepping off to the side where Liana’s sitting on a little bench with Holly to wait for the car.

It doesn’t take long, probably because it’s after two in the morning and there’s only a few people waiting for their cars - Bo and Holly included. You wave at them as they climb into their car and drive off.

Mat loads you and Liana into the car and you’re on the road back to the Island before you know it. Your head rests against the window, feet tucked up under your body.

“Can we stop for McDonalds?” Liana asks from the backseat, poking her head in between the seats and giving Mat a wide eyed flutter of her eyelashes.

“Fuck no,” Mat rolls his eyes and you laugh. “We’re going right home and to bed because some of us have a five-year-old that gets up with the damn sun.”

Liana punches Mat’s arm, “you’re no fun.”

“We have pizza rolls in the freezer,” you tell her, turning in your seat a little. “And I think a bag of those honey bourbon Perdue nuggets.”

“Oh, you’re my favorite sister for sure,” Liana sighs happily and leans back in her seat. “Pizza rolls and chicken nuggets, the food of drunk champions.”

The drive home takes about thirty five minutes, the shortest a drive home from the city has ever been, and you wander across the lawn barefoot when you get home, the damp grass soothing against your sore feet. Liana makes a beeline for the freezer once Mat opens the front door and asks if you want a snack.

You shake your head, “I’m beat. Thanks for helping Mat with the surprise.” You give her a huge hug and she returns it, the pair of you doing a faint drunken sway in the middle of the kitchen.

“Anytime,” she grins, accepting a goodnight hug from Mat too.

“Clean up your mess,” he demands, fake-sternly, as he follows you up the stairs.

After a very quick joint shower that was actually just a shower, you crawl into bed next to Mat, pressed up against his side tightly. “Best birthday ever,” you yawn into his chest, nose brushing against the fabric of his shirt.

“You deserve it,” Mat yawns back, kissing the top of your head. “Can’t wait to see what you’re gonna do for my thirty-fifth.”

You snort a laugh - Mat had gotten a slightly delayed thirtieth birthday last year due to the playoffs. “Mmm,” you hum, “let’s see how good you are the next four years.”

He murmurs a reply, but you barely hear him, asleep before his sentence is finished.

——

Your bedroom is bright with sunlight when you finally wake up, miraculously without the nausea and throbbing headache that usually accompany your hangovers. You sit up and push the tangle mess of your hair off of your face, smiling faintly when you hear noise outside of the bedroom door.

“I’m awake,” you call out and Mat wanders in, Talia perched happily on his hip. He looks tired, but there’s a smile on his face. Talia’s beaming and flings herself out of Mat’s arms to land on the plush mattress before crawling up to curl in your lap. She’s got a packet of the Nature’s Bakery fig bars you’re all obsessed with in her hands, tearing into the wrapper.

“Hi, mommy,” she chirps. “I had so much fun with Nana and Pop and Granma and Granpa. But Aunt Li wasn’t here, did you know that?”

You smooth a hand over her dark hair, “I think she was playing a little trick. But she’s down in the basement, she stayed over last night.”

“Really?” Talia’s eyes go wide. “I’m gonna go share my pig newtons with her.”

Mat steps to the side as she barrels past him, shrieking for Liana as she goes. He laughs and flops onto the edge of the bed, hooking a hand around your ankle. “Li’s gonna love the Hurricane Talia landfall,” he laughs. “I could hear her puking when I went down to make coffee.”

Sympathy for your sister-in-law has you wrinkling your nose. “Maybe we should’ve stopped her?” You ask, reaching out to run your fingers through Mat’s hair. You yawn widely, jaw cracking, and roll your neck to ease some of the ache.

“She’ll get distracted by the parents on her way,” Mat shrugs. “They’ve got breakfast going, whenever you’re ready to join.”

Surprisingly, you’re hungry, so you roll out of bed and press a quick kiss to the corner of Mat’s mouth and pad off to the bathroom. You can feel his gaze on your ass and add a little extra sway in your step, just for him.

“Thirty never looked so good,” he calls after you, making you laugh.

After such a perfect start, you’re looking forward to seeing what thirty has in store for you.

[redbullgirly]

hi hi can i request a max verstappen x footballer smau but she plays for real madrid femenino and we know max is an fcb supporter (also for the sake of the smau, real madrid femenino can be just as good as barcelona femeni) and everyone going crazy when she just takes him to an award ceremony as her plus-one. no soft launch no hard launch and everyone including the grid and christian horner and madristas and everyone is shocked

MADRIDISTAS [MV1/33]

Max Verstappen x footballer!RealMadridFemenino!reader

Masterlist

Summary: Y/N is one of the biggest rising stars in women's football, playing for Real Madrid Femenino. When she's nominated by Women's Football Awards for the Player of the Year, the last thing anybody would expect is her plus one to the ceremony being Formula One driver, Max Verstappen. Not only is he the World Champion himself, but most importantly, Max is a known FC Barcelona fan. Talk about making friends with the enemy...

Warnings: I have very limited knowledge of football, so everything in this story is based on my quick research. If you're a fan, please don't come for me! Though any advice would be much appreciated, because I have more football requests in my inbox XD.

Author's Note: Hi Anon, thanks for the request! I have to say it was quite challenging for me at the start, because I don't know many things about football, but at the end it turned out fun and good. Hope you like what I did with this social media au! :)

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yourusername And it's a wrap!🥈⚽️ Thank you to the whole team for another amazing year, we fought hard and we will continue to fight for the Champions League title next year as 2023/24 runners-up. Hala Madrid!✨🇪🇸

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user1 Love the way you play!

realmadridfem Hala Madrid!💪🏆

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yourusername 💯

user2 💥💥💥

user3 Vamosssss

user4 GO GIRLLL🤩🤩🤩🤩

user5 you really deserved to win the finale, the referee was totally biased agains you!!!

user6 Yeah, even as a FC Barcelona fan I didn't think it was fair🙈

martagarcialopez19 amazing Y/N! 🫶

yourusername Thank youuu!💖

user7 wait does y/n know some people from motosport???

user8 No I think it's just girls supporting girls in sports dominated by men tbh ☺️

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user7 oh yeah that makes sense

user9 Buen trabajo que equipo tan bueno con todas y en lo personal muy guapa [Good job, what a great team with everyone and personally very pretty.]

marisabel_rguez The dream team 🙌

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yourusername Yessss

user10 HALA MADRID 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

user11 literally the prettiest soccer player I ever saw😻

user12 you mean FOOTBALL?!😂🧐

user11 sry i'm american so i'm used to saying soccer

user12 well that's WRONG girly😂

user13 Princess

messages between Y/N and Max

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yourusername Short stop back home in Monaco before flying to London for Women's Football Awards and my nomination for Player of the Year 🤞🌷

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user1 so pretty

maitetxuu_10 The nails Y/N 🤩

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yourusername Not better than yours though 😚

user2 i don't watch football but maybe i should start bc of you

user3 Wow you're such a cutie 😍❤️

charlottesiine great work out together!

yourusername Agreed! We should definetly hit the gym together more often 😂

user4 omg wait how do they know each other?? didn't expect y/n y/l/n to be friends with ex-wags??

user5 Idk but they both live in Monaco so it's easy to know basically everyone who's your age there xdd

yourusername True user5, they don't tell you how small the country actually is 😭

user6 SHE IS MY ROLE MODEL EVERYBODY

user7 👏👏👏👏🔥🔥

lucybrozne Seems like the Monaco sun suits you 😁☀️

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yourusername Oh thanks Lucy! 🫶

lucybrozne 🫶

user8 i love that despite fcb beating madrid they're still friends outside of the field🥺

user9 WOW you should be a model

user10 So sad your talents aren’t being fully appreciated in Madrid.

user11 oh c'mmon she probably wouldn't play for them if she felt unappreciated 🙄

user12 but tbh I think she should be the captain.... like she's literally the best player of them all BY FAR

user13 Nah I don't like her. Hope she'll never be a captain🤮

user12 then go away? lol

user13 damnn the 3rd picture did some unholy things to me 😩

user14 right?! I don't think I'm straight anymore🫣

user15 I have no idea who she is but let me tell you she's gorgeous

user16 ✨✨✨👑🎀🌹

twitter

messages between Max and Christian Horner & Max and Carlos Sainz

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yourusername Turning him into Madridista duh.

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maxverstappen1 Y/N I love you... but that's never happening ❤️

yourusername Liar! You complained for a week straight about how that referee in the finals wasn't fair and we should have won agains Barcelona! 😘

carlossainz55 hahaaa mate she got you😂

maxverstappen1 😒

user1 OMGGG we converted him on our side!!!

user2 A sad day to be a FC Barcelona supporter and F1 fan😓

user3 A happy day for Madridistas!😍

user4 damn I may have to start watching football

martagarcialopez19 you're glowing! also thanks god now I don't have to keep the secret anymore xd

yourusername Love ya! 🫶

user5 The IT WAG

user6 can we take a moment to appreciate how cute maxie looks here?🥹

realmadridfem You go girl! Convert new fans!🤩💪

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user7 I'm still shocked by this whole thing 😹

user8 you're not the only one lol

user9 the second picture????

user10 Max is so lucky man🥵

marisabel_rquez ¡La pareja poderosa!😍 [The power couple!😍]

liked by the author

user11 this post murdered me and dragged me all over slaycity with how much it served 🤭

user12 exactly! her and max are so hot and pretty

user13 🤍😍💯🥳 Hala Madrid!!!

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maxverstappen1 My girl ❤️⚽️

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THE END

Author's Note: Thank you for reading the whole thing! I'll appreciate likes, reblogs, follows and comments, or any other way of support. Let me know what you think about this pairing and please tell me if there are any football errors, because I have another request about footballer!reader waiting for me. Have a great day! :)

[ghostbustting]

Going on vacation with current james and he is always horny because he is seeing you in a bikini all the time soooo (maybe Marathon sex??) ☺️

kinda short, but mmgmtmdhdjsns 🤭 (also, happy late late birthday to semaj)

╰┈➤“𝑩𝑬𝑨𝑼𝑻𝒀„ ๋࣭⭑

Current!James Hetfield x Reader

Contains Smut.

My body felt terribly weak, limp, tired. As well as my throat feeling sore from all the filthy noises I have let out for the past.. two hours, possibly, or three. I couldn’t even tell how long have we spent our time on this vacation just in our hotel room, bedsheets messy, our minds completely forgotten about the seconds ticking on the clock, not even noticing when rain starts trickling down onto the hotel room balcony, not even stopped by the time the rain stops.

His body was all I felt, his soul connected to mine. My eyes couldn’t help but gaze up and down the beautiful man in front of me, bare. Meanwhile I had to give in to his request, my bikini set staying on my fucked up state of a body, sweat all over my skin as I let the older man take great care of me— or rather, himself.

The whole morning, as we spent our time at the beach, my skin weren’t so oblivious to the eyes that rakes up and down my body, the only thing covering me being my bikini set that James seems to adore on me, his eyes never leaving the way the bikini top desperately try to cover up my breasts as I play around the beach, or the way my bikini bottom almost failed to cover up my ass, never failing to make his tongue dart out to swiftly lick over his bottom lip.

No wonder he was stuck on that damned deckchair the whole time, the towel we got from the hotel draped across his lap, a pathetic attempt to hide his hard boner that’s seeking freedom from behind his swimming trunks, one of his hand tucked under the towel and the trunks, desperately trying to get off before the boner gets worse, thinking I wouldn’t notice the quiet fucking moans leaving his lips every now and then, it was so obvious. And it was obvious as well that jerking off at this point did not work for him.

I supposed that was what led us here, on the hotel bed, fucking for what I remembered is our seventh round by this point.. or was it eighth?

James had me on all fours for him, his hands on my hips as he was on his knees behind me, his fucking jerk of a dick leaving and entering my numb and swollen hole, weak and desperate whimpers leaving my lips as I try to hold onto my position, my legs and hands shaking.

”Fuck.. so nice.. so good..” He groaned, fingers on my ass cheeks, nails digging into the soft skin ever so slightly, red from the countless times he had hit me there previously. Not that I mind.

Several parts of my body felt itchy, especially my neck, chest, and thighs. Those are from what I suspect are his teeth bitten marks, always hurts yet always make me feel so good, wanted, needed. The moment James loses control of himself, he was always like a puppy that’s been let out of his cage. Wild. Mean. Uncontrollable.

Tears were streaming down my red cheeks, pouring down onto the pillow below me, now soaked from my salty tears. I couldn’t quite feel my body completely, feeling several aching, yet the way his cock fill my desperate hole up is just way too irresistible, feeling him move in and out of me, the tip of his cock hitting every spots I didn’t even know exist in me before he showed me.

My breath came out in gasped heavy ones with every thrusts he made, fingers clutching onto the sheets below me tightly, trying to hold onto something desperately, cause it truly feels like I’m about to fall and drown into a sea of unbearable lust if I didn’t hold onto anything.

”J-James.. please..” I gasped out, panting as my hand gave up on keeping my position up, my body falling from being on all fours, limp on the bed, flinching every time he thrusts into me as small sobs leave my lips, “A-ah.. mm..” I whimpered, biting into the sheets to prevent myself from letting out more noises.

I just felt so weak. I can’t even release anymore, my body was aching so much. But at the same time, he felt so good. He make me feel so loved.

James grabbed my hips and pull them up, making my ass perk up on display for him as he held onto my waist, his cock thrusting in and out of me like there was no tomorrow. “Shit.. one more, princess.. okay? Can you do that for me?” He breathed out, shaking his head as he try to focus on his movements.

Despite being terribly weak, I force myself to nod and whimper out a silent, “Y-yes, James..”

He let out a breathless chuckle, stroking my skin as he whispered out in that goddamn seducing voice, “Atta girl..”

My eyes were as wide as they can get, almost popping out of their sockets as his thrusts make my mind swirl, losing control of myself as all I could do was just lay there underneath his big body, voicing out the pleasure he make me feel, eyes rolled to the back of my head.

”God.. fuck.. you’re so fucking enchanting.. that fucking bikini.. it makes me go insane.. what did your parents do to create you?”

His endless compliments only increased the tightness of the knot that was yet again appearing in my stomach for what felt like the thousands time now, my moans coming out in between my choked sobs, my fingers grasping to any part of the bedsheets I could hold onto around me.

”Let go, princess.. let go..”

And that’s what I did, my release this time gushing out fast, squirting all over his cock as I screamed out his name like my life depended on it, my walls clenching around his cock one last time as he pumped in and out of me and let go of his own release as well, groaning loudly.

I feel the sticky cum of his coat the inside of me, making me whimper at the feeling, overstimulated by how many times he had done that for the past two hours, not even able to feel anything now. Just numb. But so fucking pleased by the way he treated me.

Slowly, I begin to relax into the mattress below me, my chest heaving up and down, the breath coming out of me were unstable and shaky, my legs still shaking somehow. “You’re fucking crazy, James..” I shook my head with a huff.

James leaned down to my face, his fingertips coming to touch my cheek, his thumb darting out to wipe away my tear and stroke my cheek lovingly before he whispers, “Too bad we’re not done yet.”

[aster-daydream404]

Sipping Tea Under the Wisteria Blooms

Materials:

(Homemade) Air dry clay

Needles

Carboard

A4 bond paper

White acrylic paint

Gold acrylic paint

Violet poster paint

Blue poster paint

Clear nail polish

Dollar store wisteria flowers

Lavender gina cloth

lilac colored paper

A lovely three seated teaset based on the Purple Bloom Teaset from days of bloom— most commonly known as the Wisteria Teaset. It is complete with a dainty set of three tea cups, a gilded sugar bowl and creamer jug, a lovely tea pot with wisteria petals painted on it, and a tower of golden tea cakes for skykids to enjoy! The white gilded chairs are toped with soft plush lavender pillows, and the table (of similar design is lined with a gilded lavander tablecloth whose design resembles the petals of a wisteria flowers. This tea set is perfect for skykids to relax and idly chat in while the wisterias bloom.

I made this entire teaset for the SoraSky discord server’s Art Prop-ject contest. And although I wasn’t able to join due to forgetting to put in my description and submitting late (EUGHH THE CENTERPIECE KEPT ON FALLING APART ON ME!!!) I am still incredibly proud of how this project turned out 🥹🥹🥹 I wanted to make the purple bloom tea-set because it was a prop that I’ve been wanting since I was still a moth on sky. It was a memorable time for me, especially when me and my friends would chat under the wisteria tree in Forest’s social space🪻✨ This tea-set was made of love, struggle, sleep deprivation, and lots of planning. It was via this project that i was also able to appreciate the little details and intricacies that sky’s purple bloom tea-set has, giving me a deeper appreciation for the item and the artists behind it 🥺 So despite feeling a bit salty of how it ended, i hope this piece brings happiness to those who see it, just like how we feel when anticipating spring ☺️ 😉 🏞️ 🌱🕊️✨ [insert moomin reference ahsjshjahaha]

[melodic-haze]

okay but now imagine fucking robin soooo hard she’s a crying mess with her face in the pillows and she can’t think straight,,, she’s so cute we love our lesbian 😢

-🐿️

SHUT UUUUUP UGUGUHTTHHGD I need her so baaaad

Her tears staining the pillows as your body weight pushes hers down while you lay on top of her. She can FEEL your chest pressing on her back as you reach around and alternating between working your fingers on her clit and curling the tips inside of her to hit her most sensitive spots

Her nails dig into the sheets as she tries sooo soooooo hard to tell you to stop and that it's too much :(((( but the only things that come out of her mouth are those lovely moans of hers—you could even say that these sounds of hers rival her singing voice.. but perhaps you're just a touch biased ☺️

You have SUCH an effect on her, and it doesn't help when you lean to whisper in her ear with a smirk, telling her that she's such a good girl for taking it all without a complaint 🫶🫶 and she lets out a wanton wail as you feel her folds flutter around your digits. Did she cum from your relentless assault?? Oh, that's adorable...

You just had to do it again 😜 and if that meant fucking her until her voice goes all hoarse and raspy, if that meant fucking her until she can't keep her eyes open anymore, then oh well 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ not as if she was complaining, from the lustful look she gave you, her smudged makeup only enhancing the effect

I LOVE YOU ROBIN I LOVE OUR LESBIAN HALLELUJAH

[kleftiko]

AAAAAA im the nozel anon again.... (maybe u can address me as "♍ anon") WE LITERALLY HAVE THE SAME THOUGHT... POWERFUL MEN GETTING ON THEIR KNEES RAWRARRWRAAWRAWR I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO UR WORKS IN THE FUTURE esp black clover (NOZEL) ❤️❤️❤️

❦ WHEN WE’RE ALONE

cw: none, this is fluff

♍️ anon !!!!!! have some fluff ☺️

“can i get rid of everyone in this castle except for you?” your husband enters the bedroom, hair slightly wet from a bath and face tired from working.

you place your book down onto the plush comforter atop your lap and smile at nozel.

“are you going to keep the place clean then?”

he huffs at your comment and climbs ontop of you, grabbing your book and throwing it to the other side of the bed before placing his head in your lap and silently demanding attention.

“i just want you all to myself, all the time.” he nuzzles his nose into your stomach and you giggle at his clinginess.

“captain, this is so unbecoming of a royal.”

he groans, “don’t call me that, not here. not with you.”

“what would you rather i call you?” you tease, fingers running through his soft hair. the front part is slightly wavy from the braid which is now gone. and his body reacts unconsciously as your nails gently scrape his scalp; it relaxes in tandem, starting with his shoulders slumping.

“…you know…” he turns shy.

“no, i don’t think i do, captain.”

his arms tighten around you in response, his soft breaths heating up the fabric that covers your stomach.

“baby~” his deep voice breaks in plea.

you sigh, “yes, darling?”

a soft smile stretches across his lips and he pushes himself further into your hold.

“again.” his voice is muffled.

“nozel, darling, are you comfortable?”

he doesn’t respond.

the two of you continue in your positions for a bit; you stroking his hair as he clings onto you. the only sounds being breaths and soft hums of pleasant communication between you.

eventually the silence is broken.

“i love you.” he whispers.

“i love you too, darling.”

[paymechildsupport]

I should have really been in bed five hours ago, but these leaks make me wanna commit heinous acts and I just gotta do something about this Sukuna pic cuz erm… just :3

He’s just so….. <3

EHEHEHHEHEHEHEH I don’t know what it is but the idea of having such a powerful, destructive man just down at my feet is so intoxicating jsjshdbdbdb

Just imagine his humongous form in your sheets in the latest hours of midnight— just an amalgamation of limbs on your bedspread

Drowsy and drunk off sleepiness, fighting off exhaustion in that soft cushiony state between consciousness with his big arms swallowing your much tinier body up, head on your chest

You’d absentmindedly run your fingers through his wolf hair, nails scraping his scalp in such a way to elicit tiny sounds of contentment

He in no way would be silent: bro will be sighing and huffing and even just purring occasionally,- exactly like an old cat or dog. You’d feel every noise vibrate, bouncing around in his large chest, pressed against your torso

The second you fall asleep and cease to shower him in affection he’d immediately get incredibly offended

He’d take it personally, and man’s can hold a NASTY GRUDGE (look what he’s doing to poor Yuji 😭)

He’d let out a rather audible, “hmph”, and make a show of pulling himself off of you, making sure he woke you up

“How dare you, pathetic mortal”

HE’D SULK

He’d be both very bluntly aggressive but also passive aggressive in every. Single. Thing.

He is entitled to your time, your attention, your affection, your every waking thought should be dedicated to him and him alone. He should be first priority over everything

JAJSJDBBDBS Y’know how in like superhero movies the villain sometimes has this really adorable cliché where they are this absolutely brutal, horrible monster whose committed numerous misdeeds but have a wife / spouse they treasure above all else? Like, they’ll be in the middle of explaining their plans of world domination when their wife all of a sudden calls out that dinner’s ready, — and then all of a sudden the villain is this esteemed gentleman who’s just really really excited to have some lasagna his darling wife made for dinner?? They really just wanna keep their spouse outta all the crime and such cuz they know they hate it and always get scolded for it.

yeah, that’s the only way I’ve been coping for these past leaks 🥶

Sukuna would be in the middle of nuking the map when all of a sudden you pull up

He’d be talking all high and mighty, saying how he’d obliterate and kill all of Yuji’s loved ones when suddenly he hears his name get called out and he’d just FREEZE.

“Quick, act like I didn’t just murder your closest kin like three minutes ago.”

”what? Why??”

“Because my spouse is here and they’ll actually skin me alive if they see me like this 😡—- hey honey ☺️ how’s it going..?”

Like tensing up, eyes bulging, lip quivering, sweating BULLETS, the most scared anyone’s ever seen him. Immediately dropping everything, disregarding the accumulating mass of cursed energy he’d been saving up for the past twenty minutes, to turn around and give you his best, most charming smile

You’d just walk up to him and like, grab him by the ear, yanking him down to your level to curse the ever living daylights outta him

“Stop going out and bullying teenagers 🤬 you miserable old man I swear—“

And he’d just stand there and TAKE IT. You’d scold him exactly like a disappointed mother, personally escorting him off the battlefield and profusely apologizing to Yuji for your husband’s actions

He’d just be all sad, walking away and dragging his feet, moping, back hunched, hand holding yours 😭🤏 and leaving an incredibly confused Yuji

And then you adopt Yuji and Sukuna stops being a grumpy old man and my boy gets his happily ever after and we all hug it out :3

[rr311]

❝ 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 ! ❞ - 𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍 𝐉 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟒 𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐊 𝟐 𝐡𝐜

⇨⚠︎︎ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 !¡⚠︎︎⇦ crying sex, degradation, oral (Female and Male receiving), cum eating, name calling (whore & bitch), choking, dom!eren, season 4!eren, bottom!reader, black!reader

𝐀𝐍 welcome to week 2 day 4 my spooky ghosts 👻! how am i doing so far for my first kinktober? I would looove to hear feedback from you all ☺️ but i hope you guys are enjoying it so far!

- 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐄𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮

- 𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍

We all knew how Eren got when he was pissed. Always taking it out on someone or trying to fight someone etc. In this case, him and Jean got into again, said something slick about you which ticked off Eren. He was already having a shit day today and Jean just so happened to make it worse, you were still on the training grounds with everyone else as you watched Eren storm off to his room, you sighed to yourself glaring your way towards Jean who looked taken back looking away from you.

Even he knows he took it too far.

You groaned walking your way now to his room. When you made it to the hall towards his room you softly knocked on his door doing the pattern only you two know, after the final knock to the pattern he opened the door. His face was pissed as a hog. You crossed your arms walking into his room hearing the door close behind you, “Ren it wasn’t that serious.” You spoke with a sigh leaving hearing a scoff, “Not that serious? He was hitting on you when he knew you’re taken.” Again you sighed walking up to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Eren he took it far and I admit that but you’re always letting him get you mad.” You caressed his cheek moving some of his hair off his cheek looking into his green eyes low but big. “What about this hm.” You said before slowly getting on your knees in front of him being faced with his bulge, “I’ll make you feel better, whatever anger or frustration you have right now. You can have me. Do whatever you please with me till you feel better.” You said looking up at him as he stared back looking down, fuck the way you were looking at him got him hard.

Eren clenched his fists together before letting them go, nodding his head. You smiled leaning forward towards his growing bulge, kissing him through his pants, soon trailing your tongue up it. He groaned at the teasing wanting you to hurry up already, you can feel his irritation grow from your teasing taking your mouth off his pants, grabbing his pants along with his boxers pulling them down all together. You bit your bottom lip staring at the aching thing before grabbing it in your hand starting to stroke him. Eren breathed out a small groan feeling your hand put in work on his dick, you smiled a bit before using your tongue to trail along all the way to his slit, licking it. Instantly his hand shot to your head gripping it hard as you kept giving it kitty licks, he groaned looking down at you with a glare, “Take it.” You rolled your eyes in response, “So impatient..” You mumbled before taking his cock whole into your mouth starting to bob your head up and down, down his shaft.

“Jus like that..oh fuck.” He moaned, throwing his head back against the door behind him, pushing your head more deeper against his shaft making you gag and tears appear. You could only take so much but I guess he was really that mad today..you sucked in a hard breath getting prepared for whatever he’s gonna do with you. You kept bobbing your head picking up your pace, gripping your nails into his thigh as he began to grind into your mouth. You whimpered as you felt his dick hit the back of your throat making more tears appear, falling down your face as you gagged against it trying to keep your breathing under control. He held your head in place as he fucked your mouth with pants and groans escaping him, you held tightly against his thigh as he began to move your head along with his thrusts.

By the way he was moving you knew he was gonna cum. You knew your boyfriend all too well. “I’m finna cum.” He groaned, “Swallow all of it hm?” He panted soon chanting “Fucks” as he fucked against your throat much quicker and harder, feeling liquid shoot into the back of your throat. You tried to fulfill his wishes but when you felt it hit the back your throat you instantly backed off his dick with cum dropping down his leg and your mouth. He scoffed spotting his cum on the floor and all over your lips, you coughed a little to catch your breath wiping off his cum from your lips but as soon as you did you felt him pick up your body, throwing you against his bed leaning over your body as he made your legs spread open. “You didn’t listen.” He said and you bit your lip in embarrassment not responding to him, he only snarl in response gripping a tight hold against your jaw. “You tryna piss me off more?” In an instant you shook your head no, “No.” You mumbled but moaned feeling his knee press against your clothed crotch, he scoffed. “Just by my knee you’re already moaning like a bitch huh?” He mumbled trailing his fingers to your lips tapping on me.

You knew what this meant.

Without much arguing you opened your mouth feeling his warm fingers enter sucking on em, “Good girl..” He whispered leaning down to peck your neck, giving them light sucks and bites as you moaned against his fingers arching your back a little squirming. You felt your pussy get wet against his knee slightly grinding against it to some friction below, Eren smirked between your neck feeling how desperate you were getting by each second, he pulled back from your marked neck as well as taking his fingers out your mouth. You jerked forward feeling his warm hands slide down your stomach to the hem of your pants pulling them off along with your panties exposing yourself to him, you felt a chill go down your spine feeling the cold air hit your pussy. He cussed to himself feeling his dick twitch again at the sight of you, “Such a pretty pussy..” He smirked starting to rub you, you let out a breathy moan feeling his fingers rub against your folds. "Can’t believe you got this needy by my knee" He scoffed feeling how wet you already were, you groaned in embarrassment but got choked up with a gasp feeling one of his fingers slide into you pumping it in and out, "You're so fucking tight too.." You balled up your fists against the bed sheets back arching as you felt him pump into you over and over again. He watched as his finger slid in and out of you perfectly feeling his dick get hard again, fuck he wanted to taste you so fucking bad. He cursed under his breath, taking out his finger replacing it with his tongue flicking against your folds as you jerked up from the sudden surprise, he smirked against you feeling you grip his hair as you moaned out his name bending your knees up. "Ren!" You moaned squeezing your eyes shut focusing on the rhythm of his tongue tugging his head down more into you, he gripped your thighs groaning at the taste of you coat his tongue.

But he didn’t stop there no.

He kept going.

You thought he was gonna stop but he only kept going, you get sensitive free one round and he knows this. He was gonna overstimulate you. “Eren!.” You scream gripping his hair much tighter trying to pull him away but he wasn’t budging. He only grinned against your cunt digging his face deeper into your pussy wanting to taste you more, in the corner of your eyes you felt tears well up soon falling against your cheek as you continued to push him away but moaned at the pleasure taking over. You went from pushing his head away to pushing it more into you wanting to cum again. Your legs were perfectly bent as your hands were gripping his hair pushing him more down into your cunt feeling his tongue flick against it. He grinned, feeling your hands push him deeper into your pussy continuing to suck and lick at your sensitive spot, your head was cloudy thinking of nothing but the current moment that was happening, the pleasure was so good that you couldn’t even think properly. Without realizing you slowly grinded your hips against his tongue getting more friction letting your eyes roll back sighing in pleasure, “Fuck Eren..” He groaned feeling your hands shove him down more. Tears were still flowing of pleasure as you felt that knot again. “M’finna cum ..” You whispered, “Cum for me baby.” He moaned hearing your koans get sloppier and louder soon letting your orgasm hit feeling your liquids hit his tongue moaning at the taste of it.

He licked up every last drop that came out of you cleaning you up, trailing his eyes to see how tired you looked and a mess he made out of you. You had tear stains on your face, your shirt was messed up, legs still shakey and your breaths getting heavier, he kissed along your stomach giving them soft pecks with a small smile. “Can you go one more?”

“Eren.”

[nattinatalia]

Jack Harlow x Reader : Instagram AU

A/N: Something new 👀

Liked by urbanwyatt, claybornharlow, jackharlow, and 2,345,986 others

yourusername Wine run calls for a quick insta post 🤷🏻‍♀️

View all 1,200 comments

claybornharlow There she is 🤩

yourusername Hiiiiiiii ✌🏼

urbanwyatt Stranger danger 😱 RUNNN

yourusername 🙄 so dramatic for what?

urbanwyatt Oh she responds now?

yourusername Okay do you want to get blocked again?

urbanwyatt I was blocked???

claybornharlow 💀

jackharlow lmao 🤣

jackharlow Let’s ignore the fact that we’re all unblocked for a bit. Look at little miss “new balance are the most uncomfortable shoes ever” 👀 🤔

yourusername Shut up

user does she block you guys every time Jack and her argue?

urbanwyatt hahahahaha

jackharlow She’s annoying

yourusername Go furnish your house before you start coming for me 🙄 get your priorities straight buddy.

claybornharlow Ohhhh budddyyyy 👀 🍿

jackharlow shut up

yourusername You can’t copy me at everything dude.

jackharlow 🖕🏼

yourusername You’re not that tan to be using that color emoji

urbanwyatt LMAAAOOOOOO

mamamaggie Here we go ☺️

•

Liked by jackharlowfan, jharlowupdates, and 6,986,456 others

allaboutjackharloww Jack enjoying dinner tonight.

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user na why did you crop the picture 👀 I wanted to see who he’s having dinner with

allaboutjackharloww That’s how it was sent to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

user2 We know that’s YN 😂

user 💯 look at the nails lmao and she posted that pasta on her story then deleted it.

•

Liked by jackharlow, mamamaggie, claybornharlow, urbanwyatt, and 6,887,357 others

yourusername Passed my exams, so let’s celebrate by downing some shots 😎

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urbanwyatt LETS FUCKING GOO

yourusername Wait… now I’m scared 😟

cozane Nah, you invited us out for drinks, we’re drinking the right way.

claybornharlow I’ll pray for you and your liver

mamamaggie Congratulations sweetie, I knew you’d do it 🙌🏼 have a fun and safe night. You deserve it.

yourusername 🥹😘

user Nahh peep her lock screen

user 😱

user why would her lock screen be of jacks dog ???

user 😂 because they’re dating and that’s their dog

jackharlow 🥳🥳🥳🥳

•

Liked by yourusername, jackharlow, cozane, selenosunni, claybornharlow, and 6,844,346 others

mamamaggie A night to celebrate.

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yourusername 🥰🥰

urbanwyatt 📸 by me 💅🏼

mamamaggie We know child 😂

user Ohhhh 👀

user Yeah they dating, fucking. They doing something!!!!!

•

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, mamamaggie, and 6,876,355 others

yourusername Fashion show thanggsss con mis amigooosss 🫶🏼

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urbanwyatt not the amigos 💀

yourusername 🤭

jackharlow Amiga cómo estás ?

yourusername White boy, are you using google translate again??

jackharlow You can never let me be

yourusername I was put into this world to humble you. Thank me later.

jackharlow 🙄

user just claim each other already

jackharlow She won’t let me

yourusername 😂 El que pide permiso siempre pierde.

jackharlow What does that mean?

yourusername Use google translate

jackharlow BET!!!!

[bloodstained-ballgowns]

i thought spyfall was awesome when it aired, and tbh it's still awesome now. 'doctor who does james bond' could be super cringe and at points it sort of is, but on the whole they nail the suspense, the score, the double-agent theme.

having prescient knowledge about the master reveal has me practically rubbing my hands together with glee - the look on his face when he sees the tardis. "say hello to the doctor." the smile and look down when she storms past to 'look around the gaff': he's planning to ‘kill’ her (‘kill’ being the operative word since he would never actually let her die) and you can still see the affection. his slow steer of her investigation, her trusting obliviousness. "the only person with an open mind about all this...don't worry, i'll call him ☺️” "send us your location. kisses!" "we text :)!" - girl little do you know you are talking about your psychosexual homoerotic on and off (mostly off) bestie!!!!

love to see jodie in a suit and the bike chase car chase plane chase is pretty well executed. unlike the bbc to broadcast episodes with sex scenes ("kneel" "how else would i get your attention?") before the watershed but i can't help but support. the four knocks/double heartbeat as their morse code message........... i actually can't cope i've decided

“MI6 has never countenanced the possibility of extraterrestrial life” guys come on now this is ridiculous where were you all when black cubes took over the planet and tried to kill you all where were you when missy turned your dead into cybermen where were you when

nice presentation of the fam's resourcefulness when grappling with the eternal 'we're international criminals and the doctor is nowhere to be found what the fuck do we do' question (the beginnings of the doctorification of yaz specifically is strong here). finally realising how much the doctor has really kept from them and the shitty situation that leaves them in - asking 'what would the doctor do?' without knowing why the doctor would do that, because she hasn't truly let them know her any deeper than 'socially awkward supersmart space auntie' (contrasting to, say, clara, who was so exemplary at the wwtdd question exactly because she knew everything about him). i take the doctor/companion conflict wherever i can even if it's crumbs.