#we would be lost without a guide fr

[ashclouds366]

going to cry perhaps... you have a whole pinterest board dedicated to me??

Do you ever wanna bond with someone so bad you’re like “damn i wish we were knights on a dangerous quest”

[sinnerdolly]

The chosen bride — Viking!Barou Shouei.

Minors do not interact. Nsfw/Smut.

word counter—2381.

Plot—you're a French noblewoman that was forced to marry the barbarian king Barou. He seems to look at you like the most delicious peace of meat, would you fall for that abrasive sexual tension you both have?

warning— rough sex, oral sex, breeding kink, arranged marriage. Y/n's is short and has huge boobs.

English isn't my mother language, if you see any error you're welcome to correct me.

Since I was little, my father repeated over and over again in my ears: "You can't imagine the future I chose for you". Of course, until I was twenty-two I had nothing left to do but fantasize about the meaning of it, because he claimed that he didn't want to make my sisters jealous.

I was immensely disappointed when I found out the truth: here I was engaged to a barbarian king who examined me as if I were an insect. His smug gaze fell on my breasts and then on my hips.

“I’ll keep her” Just like that King Barou sentenced my destiny to be his wife.

The nobles around him seemed not to like the idea very much, one of them dared to speak and told him something in Nordic, a language that Chigiri not long ago began to teach me.

“Her hips are thick, her breasts are huge, and her skin is pink. Lady D'angelo seems much more fertile than all our women, whoever challenges me again will clean their own blood from the stone under my feet.”

Chigiri and I exchanged glances, the comment would have been about my uneven appearance compared to the Viking women. I was not tall and slender, my height was no more than five feet six and my dresses had to be custom-made because my breasts did not fit into any corset, something that my future husband seemed to enjoy.

King Barou was immense, with pronounced features and black hair that fell straight and long almost to his shoulders. The way he sat was menacing: legs spread, back leaning on the wooden throne… the aura around him conveyed danger, while every word that came out of his mouth was equivalent to the roar of a lion. In my years as a noblewoman, being the daughter of the advisor to the king of France, I had never witnessed anything like this. What lay before me was not a king, but a beast.

The beast's eyes sharpened on Chigiri as soon as he caught our exchange of glances.

“Who is that?”

All eyes turned to Chigiri, my father cleared his throat softly and answered: “He is my daughter's mentor, he will stay by her side to teach her to speak your language, my lord.”

My heart seemed to skip a beat when I saw that Barou didn't take his eyes off him.

“I'm going to be the one who teaches her, I want him outside my kingdom.”

Chigiri did not give me a single look, I knew what was going on in his head, just one look could confirm Barou's suspicions. The man I am in love with did not speak to me again... not even when he left in the carriage with my father, not even knowing that we would never see each other again.

[ … ]

The days in my new home were a torment, only the court and my fiancé speak my language, but they are not very pleasant people to talk to. So the days are summarized in reading and rereading the ten books that I managed to bring with me. The rooms that correspond to me are immense and opulent considering how rustic this country is, it is clear that they tried to make it as similar as possible to France, a cute detail if they wouldn’t constantly ignore me.

My loneliness and smallness allowed me to sneak far to inspect the castle. I was like a weirdo in their eyes, I have the feeling that they see me as a rabbit, the ladies look at me with disdain, incredulous that a man of Barou's lineage would want to marry me... while the servants look at me with pity and try to guide me, even without speaking the same language.

“Fuck” I murmured, I had gotten lost between massive rock walls.

“What are you doing in my chambers area?”

My skin crawled hearing such a harsh voice speak such rough French. I turned around slowly, in front of me stood my fiancé, with whom I had not exchanged a word since they abandoned me here. His proud and unreadable countenance as always, serene could also be called.

“I got lost” The nerves gnawed at me in such a way that my voice came out with a repressed and insecure tone through my throat. Seeing his intense gaze I was forced to look away immediately, something that had never happened to me before with a man, not even Chigiri.

His eyes swept me from head to toe, when, suddenly, his immense figure cornered me against the stone. My heart pumped harder, I couldn't breathe, it was as if a lion was about to devour me... does he want to consummate our treaty? I wouldn't be surprised if these barbarians raped me when I am alone and vulnerable, who cares about me after all? My father and Chigiri clearly don't.

“My subjects don't treat you well?”

I looked up slowly, finding an expression other than arrogant, he seemed worried and upset, his body over mine like a protective barrier. It would be a lie to say that I wasn't stunned by this sudden statement on his part.

“I asked you a question”

I considered his words for a moment, if his consideration for me was so great... accusing them before this barbarian was not a bad option, but perhaps not the most astute.

“N-no, my lord.” I lied, the nervousness that this man caused me was of unimaginable proportions.

That penetrating gaze went down through my eyes to my neck and breasts, I watched his jaw tense and his pupils dilate, his chest and pulse seemed to run at a faster pace under the furs he was wearing. I smiled a little and, although I tried to hide it, it didn't take a second for his eyes to catch it.

“Do you dare to make fun of me?”

He uttered the words indignantly, but with an intensity that indicated that any misstep would result in her getting her pussy fucked... What the fuck am I thinking? He is a barbarian.

“Not at all… it's just that the king seems to have certain marked tastes.”

Where had that come from? I didn't even know it, but my soul seemed ecstatic to provoke this beast. Even he was surprised, his irises turned dark and he licked his lips.

“My tastes don't matter, I chose you because your curves are the most fertile I have ever seen.”

That sentence sparked a fire that spread through every leaf of my being, there was something primal about that sentence that burned away every iota of perceived masculinity in my life. I wanted to be in his bed, I needed him to fill me, my blood boiled as if it were witchcraft... What was this sudden infatuation that was corroding my insides?

⌈ Barou ⌋

I was not attracted to the women of my kingdom and that for a king is a big problem. Every week several Jarls arrived and offered their daughters as lovers or wives, but none of them sparked my interest, none seemed worthy of bearing my offspring.

It wasn't until a certain French king had a crisis and he proposed to me for the hand of one of his ladies in exchange for some riches. At the beginning, a deal that I accepted out of courtesy, I had no interest in dirtying Viking blood... until I saw her enter through the door and my eyes became ecstatic at such a sign from the Gods. My cock grew hard, the need to lay her on the floor and spill the first load inside her gnawing at me... but her expression of sadness and terror calmed my instincts.

“Are you sure you didn't choose me out of desire?”

It was amazing that her gorgeous features could show such a lascivious expression like the one she wore now. The little Frenchwoman was trying my patience, she provoked me as if days ago she had not cried in horror for marrying a barbarian. It was incredible, after being forced to watch the door to her chambers every night because I believed she would escape from it... I had her in front of me eager to be taken.

I grabbed her neck roughly, without hurting her or putting pressure on her, for a moment she seemed scared. Her contact with her third skin made it hard instantly, since she was in the castle she had not been flaccid. I moved closer to her throat and breathed in her heady European perfume.

"The only thing I thought was that your pussy would look gorgeous dripping with my cum..." I licked her chin during the pause.

I could feel her heart pumping uncontrollably and how her body was not able to stand on its own. As I stood up again, her eyes begged me to take her, so I decided it was time to claim my queen. I carried her over my shoulder without much effort, something that alarmed her a little, because she began to struggle and demand that I get off her, something that a spanking can't solve. When my hand hit her ass, she let out a cry of surprise mixed with a moan. I laughed at that reaction, to which she hit my shoulder, an act that caused me to laugh even harder.

When I got to my chambers I threw her on my bed, she looked at me with reddened cheeks and pupils flooded with lust. I let the furs that rested on my shoulders fall and easily removed the shirt that covered my torso, y/n bit her lip and she uncomfortably brought her thighs together when she saw me. I smiled proudly, took her left ankle and pulled it towards me.

I grabbed her neck again and devoured her full lips with need for her. She did not hesitate to follow as she seemed to share my blinded state. My hand forcefully lowered her neckline, I freed those puppies tortured by the devilish corset, I couldn't resist the urge to lick and bite them, the gasps I stole from her mouth were the hottest thing I had ever heard.

[ Reader ]

I was screwed, but I couldn't help but give in. What other option did I have but to enjoy the pleasures this beast offered? The desire for me consumed him, I wasn't going to be so stupid as to reject the wet dream of every woman living or dead.

His tongue soaked every corner of my exposed skin and, upon reaching my thigh area, he tore off my panties and licked fervently between my folds. No man had done that before, the barbarian was devouring me as my premonitions said... but in an intoxicating way. Saliva slid and dripped onto the sheets; even when my legs threatened to close, Barou sucked harder on my clitoris.

After I came in his mouth, he emerged from between my thighs with the look of a hungry lion cornering its prey. He licked his lips and swallowed any residual orgasm fluid as his baggy black leather pants fell to the frigid floor. My eyes focused on his thick member, precum glistened on his glans and veins revealed how massive he is. Even knowing that he would get me pregnant on the first try, I begged him to put it inside right now.

"You are aware that if I take you now I won't stop until your uterus overflows... are you sure you want to continue?" His words were abrupt, but I couldn't help but nod. “Let's continue then.”

He opened my thighs firmly and looked voraciously, while his thumb opened my wet folds.

“You're ready”

Suddenly, he turned me around like a feather, my cheek against the pillow and my hips raised. I could feel the heat of his body approaching mine from behind, his giant hands held my waist in place, the anxiety was something to savor at that moment. His glans made its way between my walls, the stretch turned my eyes to the sky, every inch I managed to take felt searing, but so satisfying.

A guttural moan echoed from every corner of the room as his pelvis collided for the first time against the skin of my ass. Stiff and throbbing I had engulfed him completely inside me, my pussy lubricated him so much I could feel the fluids sliding down my thighs, the bed would be a mess after we were done. The thrusts were gentle at first, as if the beast king was looking for my limits, scared of my size compared to him; still, each entry was precise, the most sensitive points were rubbed masterfully and the pitch of my gasps increased. But, although the consistency felt delicious, my patience has an end and I needed him to completely let go of that bestiality that he displayed so much.

“Fuck, harder, idiot.”

To deny that the utterance of those words was somewhat violent would be a lie, but this man's anger was not justifiable. In an instant my hair was pulled and my pussy was being brutally attacked, the moans turned into screams which, in turn, I couldn't hear because the pleasure overrode all my senses. I knew I wouldn't last long at this pace, I could feel his smirk as he saw me unstable and completely fucked.

I almost lost consciousness as the orgasm consumed my body, all I could think about was his cum spilling inside me. I felt so much peace, so much satisfaction, I was no longer interested in France, Chigiri or my family, I was happy being fucked in his bed.

⌈ Barou ⌋

Her recently fertilized pussy was tensing, in a poor attempt to spill my semen, to which I took her hips to put them in a position that my load was directly towards her cervix, with my fingers I collected the spilled semen and sank them slowly inside her warm folds freshly abused by my cock.

My queen looked at me somewhat dazed and confused by the deafening orgasm I had given her, to which I smiled proudly and satisfied.

“Until your belly grows, your pussy is going to be stuffed every night.”

[literalite]

mistki's the land is inhospitable and so are we (2023)!! as edits featuring mine and some of my friends ocs 😁 had a lot of fun with this project... rough explainer of how/why each song corresponds to each character/s under the cut because i love symbolism and talking! sorry it is long

bug like an angel - sapphire

without spoiling too much of her story and arc... sapphire's life is not easy. she's hurt by people she cares for and who care for her, although inadvertently, and in turn hurts people who she cares for and who cared for her, also not by her own volition. it's kind of a terrible truth that you will harm and be harmed by the people you love, even when you and they truly don't want to. it's up to you how much you're willing to take and deal. you can't keep every promise you make and you can't right every wrong. but you have to keep trying anyway. that's sapphire's strength, and the core of her goodness and why i personally consider her one of my favourite ocs. i chose to depict bug like an angel in mitski's more positive interpretation here and in that light i think it works best for saph

buffalo replaced - heiya

well first and foremost the vibes of the song fits heiya perfectly fhgjk but also lyricism and tone... yep. quick breakdown of heiya's background since i doubt i'll ever be able to do it properly she's an interesting character for me because she like a lot of my other characters has lost. everything. she had a wife and a child and they were both killed and she had to leave her home again and again and unlike how some of my others would have taken this she has never flagged in her unwavering dedication to preserving hope. for herself for her people for the future etc etc. which is a very fucking difficult thing to do! the world changes faster than you can keep up with it sometimes but for heiya she will not let herself tire and be swept away in it all. people rely on her. she's a guiding star as much as she is a woman. she's a lover and a fighter and thats what buffalo replaced means to me! so

heaven - vinny and caleb

i feel like of all my oc couples so far they have like. the sweetest most kind of simply mutually trusting dare i say straight forward love. they just love each other so much and thats all. the world could end around them when theyre together and it'd be okay truly. also yeah vinny is ostensibly in heaven now bye angel i feel like this one was pretty self explanatory. me and who WHEN

i don't like my mind - sunny

he just like me fr (said in denji voice) anyways wow ha. unstoppable unending guilt due to past actions that haunt your every waking moment? throwing yourself into any and all distraction just to take your mind off it, filling your time with other shit so that past sin doesnt for once echo in your awful and hollow brain? this song is perfect for sunny honestly just that sentiment also the "please don't take this job from me".... sometimes the coping is worse. you can be proud of something because you can do it better than anyone else even if that thing is terrible

the deal - wolfgang munch by @gunthermunch

Wolfgang Amadeus Munch. umm this will make more sense later on but it still kind of makes sense now i think. he doesn't want to be himself he keeps . leaving and moving and running away from his own memories his own self in reaction to others. if he could pawn it all off he would. if he could be better in an instant without having to feel every agonising second of change he would! but thats not how the world works. or is it. read munch by gunthermunch thats an order

when memories snow - lilian

i feel the older you get the more your past kind of swells up and trails behind you... at least for lilian that is shes very linked to the different versions of the girl/young woman she used to be. for her its a double edged blade, a lot of her own strength is drawn from who she was and what happened to her throughout her life. they haunt her but she's haunting it back in her own way

my love mine all mine - saige, bellona, ari

stares you down okay so usage of this song very much almost verges into spoiler territory but uhm. uhm. starts twitching basically the whole dynamic here is . sometimes when you love you will sacrifice. and while that is usually a good thing sometimes it is not but sometimes it still is. sometimes you pay your dues for love and sometimes someone else has to pay for your love as well. and whether that is worth it to them remains to be seen. but it's all about love still. whether that's a worthy cause is up to you i suppose

the frost - yoshiki and hikaru from hikaru ga shida natsu

fun fact (or not so fun fact since i had it listed as such) this slot was originally meant to be taken up by a gojo/geto edit and while it still works for them frighteningly well i swerved to do another black and white haired doomed gay pairing gfhjkl; i really recommend yall to read hikaru ga shinda natsu/the summer that hikaru died because honestly it speaks for itself! it's SO good i love it so bad

star - ari and luca by @anjitrait

wow these two did not deserve the horrors the narrative (me) slammed down onto their heads. they're kind of the most married of all time to me but like of course under pressure even the strongest most loving of bonds will warp. they've been together for roughly a decade and a half now. they know and love each other as totally as you could possibly imagine. despite it all i am yours, no matter. are we picking up what i'm putting down chat

i'm your man - nayef and sióar by @lucidicer

after the album dropped like at least 3 people swung into my dms with a ?this you?? about this song which. i mean the fucking dogs that start barking halfway through the song. are you kidding me. but anyways sioyef and devotion. sioyef and putting yourself in your lover's hands and looking to them like they are a god. this is super self explanatory. you know

i love me after you - redacted and ophelia

HM.... all i'll say here is that sometimes the homoerotic tension filled high school friendship where both parties have something very wrong with them but in totally different directions can be. scarring. bad. sometimes love just isn't enough when you don't know what you're meant to do with it and when you've lived in survival mode all your life. but that once the dust clears you can scrape yourself off the ground get up keep going and that isn't gonna be the end for you there. or for love, even. sometimes shit just ain't meant to be and thats ok

[sapphire-weapon]

Okay so I love reading your opinions on all things RE. Your take and the way you write it is so refreshing, I really love it. Your observations and analysis is great and often makes me rethink a lot of things.

So here's what I've been trying to figure out. Since you said nobody but Chris looks past Leon being likable and respected. And that man needs some loving for real. Someone actually committed to the mess he is.

Would you say he is too unstable to be in an actual deeper and meaningful relationship? Is he to broken/ otherwise concencerned/ distrusting or is he just the kind of guy to not wanting to pursue deeper connections other than flings and friendships at arm's length?

Like this guy is lonely. This guy needs a hug and smack on the back of his head sometimes fr.

thank u anon. my goal here is to get ppl to think about the actual text/scripting of the story without the noise of the fandom coloring their perceptions, because this is an old fandom with a lot of pre-conceived notions and biases that poison the #Discourse almost to a cultish degree, which causes the actual story itself to get lost.

but

there are a lot of words I'd use to describe Leon. "unstable" isn't one of them. he's just... Busy. and has a hero complex that honestly makes him a little selfish.

Leon has a really abnormal life, and he knows it. he also knows just how much of a fucking nightmare it is, and he doesn't want to drag anyone else into the world of bioterrorism who otherwise would have no reason to be there or even know about it. he doesn't have the time to dedicate to a relationship, and even if he did, he wouldn't.

this is why we see him hitting on other operatives and not the civilians involved on any given mission (for reference, see: hitting on Hunnigan in OG while turning down Ashley's explicit offer of sex). there are still ways in which his lifestyle can make a civilian's life worse, even if they've already been exposed to bioterrorism. but an operative is pretty much just as fucked as he is, so they're fair game.

because, like. there's never any point where he rejects Chris's love for him. he might push back on the method with which Chris chooses to express it sometimes, and he might have other moments where he'd rather just be self-indulgent with his misery (Vendetta), but there's never a moment where it's like... "don't waste your time caring about me/I'm not worth it."

even with Ada, like... I'm not going to rehash my whole "guide to OG Aeon" post, but Leon never expresses that he feels unworthy of her help/affection/attention. he accepts it with as much grace as he can muster, in fact.

a romantic relationship just isn't his priority. relationships are work, and there are other things that he feels that he needs to give his emotional energy to -- and, because of his depression, the amount of energy he has emotionally is just much lower than that of other people. so he uses what little he has to focus on his job, because that's what's most important to him.

and I know that this probably sounds like it's running counter to my thesis statement re: Leon's character of "Leon is lonely and he fucking hates himself" but like. deprioritizing human interaction and relationships and the opportunity to be truly loved is, in and of itself, a form of self-harm. he'd rather cut himself off than put in the effort required to be vulnerable -- and that's the part that goes back to the idea of "I'm not worth it."

Leon sees what he's doing as being infinitely more important than who he is. he doesn't see who he is as a person as being worth giving up his work and/or exposing someone else to The Horrors.

and this is true for both OG and Remake Leon -- especially after the conclusion of Remake Leon's positive change arc in RE4make. prior to RE4make, you could maybe make the case that he was too broken and distrusting to pursue a deeper relationship with someone, but post-RE4make, that's not the case. post-RE4make Leon would love nothing more than to pursue a HEA with Ashley, but he knows that he has to prioritize Sherry, and his depression prevents his brain from considering the very simple question of: "Why not both?"

[p0ck3tp03t]

Rampant Thoughts 51

Loneliness or Freedom?

Someone once asked the world if no one was there to say good morning or good night, would that be freedom or loneliness. If the answer would be freedom that would be the loneliest of answers. Imagine how much one suffered to endure loneliness and instead call it freedom. What one must have gone through to reach a point where the dead sound of silence becomes a sweeter caress than that of another. How much do they hide and how strongly do they yearn for what made them like this, refusing to ever again pursue another regardless of how strong the will to do so is. If one has ventured on this path, the decision to do so must have been worth the sacrifice, whatever that may have been. Such is the world I live in and having it returned to me was never something that I wanted unless I was given no choice. Now I relish in the peace that has come to be the company that I will never give up, even more than that of the one before, for this time, the choice is mine. The true taste of loneliness has been dripped upon my lips through sheer brutality of absence, and so I know very well what it means to truly be alone in spite of being in the company of another.

It should be of no surprise that what I wish to do with my life henceforth might be tantamount to self-ruin as I am hellbent on maintaining my position alongside freedom, as in doing so proves to give me the biggest satisfaction I could receive from life at the present moment. In spite of my wishes, something within defies my wishes and fights against the flow of rationality. It could be instinct or some would call it heart, and whatever its location may be, it yearns for that which has been lost and desires to regain that which satisfied its urges to express itself. My actions are guided by trauma, lessons and memories of when and what I felt at certain moments during those dark times and no matter how much I may beckon the return of those times, I know far too well that would be a mistake. This is no contest, no task that should be overcome in spite of failure, no mission one could do endlessly but instead a lesson from which I chose my teachings.

Appreciate the time one has when alone for that time shall be when one can grow the most for afterwards when that time is given to another, there will be nothing left to give oneself and I did not know this and thus I have learned the price of rushing to give the time one has too early. Use time to make oneself stronger so that when you choose to give it away to another, you will not feel bitter for doing so and instead rejoice in giving ones time away willingly for that shall bring the greatest joy in life. My mistakes have brought me where I am now, and I can no longer repent and repair that which has been deemed irredeemable and thus I have made my choice and in doing so I found that giving myself all the time I have left until fate chooses against me shall be called freedom and not loneliness. Being alone with oneself should never be reason for loneliness as that time is the most opportune time for one to discover the potential one has and invest upon it as much as one desires without any restraint whatsoever.

What I have learned is also that life does not have a logical flow for it is not a river of rationality and instead it flows depending on the decisions we take and thus create for ourselves a stream of uncertainty that traverses time in the most unpredictable of ways, raising us through our own decisions, making us into our own creators, even when we have no clue what is being built. Across the passing of this stream freedom shall taken and given at a moment's notice, events that can ruin or build us into something no one would have ever guessed possible.

Ultimately, make use of the freedom one is given to create a path through every day, building upon each day to create a future where freedom would be worth giving away to another and if returned, then beyond loneliness one should see freedom and the chance to enact the lessons learned. I choose to see freedom in my loneliness for my pain was far too great for me to want to bandage my wounds with another love and risk digging them deeper into my soul and thus from fear of repeating time gone, I distance myself from such happenings through choosing freedom and acceptance of loneliness as a reason to make freedom stronger thus allowing one to heal and recover from the pain. Though beware because as sweet as freedom might be, her prolonged presence shall deceive the consumer into believing that they are immortal and in the blink of an eye, freedom shall no longer serve them but instead it shall be consumed by the buried loneliness which had been laying in wait, unsatiated for time forgotten and its hunger shall devour anything in its path until nothing shall remain but it and its creator so heed my words for I too fear its boundless wrath that will one day bring the end of freedom, whether I allow it or not.

By:PocketPoet

[m1ckeyb3rry]

No dw it was a funny jumpscare I laughed LMAOO no literally like the lone dog left at the shelter like I guess I gotta adopt you

I’m never getting over the property line also then way he LIFTS Isagi in the air mid match is crazy like

Nagi fighting a war in his sleep LMAOAOA imagine he dreams about being in his shooter games like COD or whatever maybe that’s where he gets his workout from

LMAO lab born creation fr…which reminds me I should lowk go reread the Bible…

Yo wait imagine���if we go back to the childhood friend setting imagine they’re at a point where Otoya slowly realizes he’s in love…but then the childhood friend goes on a date or find a man (probably short term) and Otoya LOSES IT and acts like he’s being cheated on even though they aren’t even together LMAOAOAOA “how could you betray me and leave me alone??? Going out with that rat of a man” or something HAHAHA

BAHAHAHA NO WAY??? This is insane I remember looking up all the breeding guide videos trying to get all the dragons without spending my games shdgshshs (sneakily playing in class is so real LMAOAO) you’re literally freaky Friday y/n then not paying attention but still acing class girlboss fr!!! BROOO THE GEMSTONE DRAGONS I remember one time I lost my account and my topaz dragon and sent an email to the company and they were like my b bro nothing we can do and I was like???? I somehow ended up with an aquamarine dragon spawning in my island randomly and eventually got back my dragons including the topaz one!! I remember the gemstone dragons literally being like the holy grail bc wdym they give me gems???

LMAOO i remember hating on both waluigi and wario because whenever I played VS Battles with cpus they somehow were always on the opposing team and I’d get shelled by them (or at least that’s what I remember HAHAH) Hiori as toad is way too accurate I can somehow also see Otoya choosing bowser?? Thinks he looks macho or something I bet LMFAO king boo nagi is also so on brand LOLLL and Yukimiya is like the one who touches the most grass so he def just goes with the standard Mario LMAOO

I would give them smash bros assignments but I fr only played as like pokemon because back when I actually played I barely knew any of the other characters (I also used duck hunt on occasion because one time I got it randomly and was like actually this isn’t bad) so I barely remember the other options or who was good or not LMAO

I think the theory was relatively obscure LOL I saw it once in passing and was like wait…you’re onto something…but now I’m not sure LMAOAOA

HOLLYHOCK UPDATE SOON I WILL BE THERE WHEN IT GOES LIVE SHSHS (was that birdie Karasu LMFAO)

-Karasu anon

LMAOO LITERALLY like he’s tugging on my heartstrings fr!!

LIFTING ISAGI BY THE BACK OF HIS COLLAR IS CRAZYYYY WORK esp because isagi is ALSO older than him 😭 by over a year!! rin is on smth different i swear

nagi is fighting DEMONS at night i just know he’s such a kicker…absolutely insufferable to share a bed w he probably also steals the blanket

HAHAHA i won’t spoil the otoya request but let’s just say otoya will not handle it well when his childhood bff ventures into the world of dating 😏

LMAO freaky friday y/n is the closest to me i think maybe that’s why i liked writing that story sm 😓 but omg no i loved dragonvale and the gemstone dragons were always the prettiest PLUS they gave gems so they were my favs!! i also remember i got the fountain of youth thing so i could turn all of my dragons back into babies because 90% of the adult forms were ugly asf 😭

waluigi + wario + donkey kong are my unholy trinity of opps HAHAHA i hate all of them w a burning passion!! i love bowser though and i def could see otoya picking him as well. KING BOO AND NAGI JUST SPOKE TO ME ON ANOTHER LEVEL 😩 and hiori as toad too…yuki honestly yeah he just doesn’t care which character he gets so he defaults to mario 😭

i play zero suit samus whenever i play w my friends (which admittedly is v rare and i’m by no means good at the game) because i only play as girl characters!! i’m a daisy main in mario kart hehe. i think if i had to assign them smash characters i would say karasu is waluigi like i mentioned, otoya would be sheik (basically princess zelda’s alter ego as a male ninja…i think he’d actually believe sheik is a male ninja and be SUPER hype abt it until nagi or hiori made fun of him for it but he’s too attached atp to change), nagi would be mr game and watch (super weird and obscure character that’s rlly hard to get a hang of but is also crazy good once you get him), hiori would be the ice climbers (just vibes), and yuki is giving me wii fit trainer fsr?? no idea why

that birdie was in fact karasu 🤫 posting the next chap as soon as i post this YAYY

[seokryuragi]

Frozen Water.

It was about to be winter so the Fairies working the most now were Winter Fairies and Tinker Fairies. Tinker Fairies made the baskets to transport everything Winter Fairies may need. 

Ni-ki was working hard making nests for the hedgehogs, he then passed them to the animal fairies so they could help them fall asleep. Sunghoon ended his job, since all he had to do was help the tadpoles move lakes so they wouldn't get frozen when the water gets cold, so he was looking at Ni-ki working. Jake arrived, he was with some bunnies and ferrets “Ni-ki, Sunghoon, do you guys want to go with me to the barrier? I have to deliver some animals there.” Ni-ki shook his head, “I am super busy friend.” “I will go with you.” Sunghoon got up and they started walking to the barrier. A few winter fairies were waiting for Jake to arrive with the animals. Sunghoon saw all of them cross, and for the first time got curious about the winter side. “Hey, where are you going, they need to frost your wings if you want to cross the barrier.” Jake said taking Sunghoon back to the warm side “Isn’t there a frost fairy available now? I want to cross.” Sunghoon said, it was the first time for him there, it was a strange feeling, he wanted to cross at that moment “Oh we are animal winter fairies, frost fairies are working right now, but you can come here later on! after the station changes!” Said the winter fairy very gently, Jake looked confused but didn’t ask “We will come here in a week, don't worry.” Sunghoon nodded without really listening to what Jake was saying, he was still looking at the winter side. 

The night arrived, and Sunghoon could only think about the winter, for some reason it was the only thing in his mind, he wanted to feel that little cold again, he was so blind about his desire that he didn’t care about his wings breaking if he crossed without the frost, he just wanted to see it all. He flew again to the barrier, knowing nobody was going to be there. He knew it was reckless of him to cross like that, the consequence could be horrible but his want was bigger than whatever he was thinking, his heart was guiding him.

He crossed and started flying inside, fascinated by the cold. He liked what he was feeling, it was a weird emotion, he only felt like this with water, since that was his talent, so feeling something like that with the cold and snow was weird. “What are you doing here?” Sunghoon heard a voice behind him, he didn’t even know for how long he has been flying there, and he didn't see if someone saw him, he turned around and saw the girl that was talking to him, she had long brown hair, Sunghoon landed to see her closely, and he realized she was tiny, he had look down at her. “Can you reply to me? What are you doing here? Are you lost? I am sure you are a warm fairy.” She said again, worried “I am okay yes, I just… wanted to see how it was here.” “For how long have you been here? it must be a long time, you are close to the library now.” Sunghoon didn’t notice how fast time passed, but he realized he had been there for a long time. “Let me take you to the King to see if you're not freezing yet, let me frost your wings before it is too late.” Sunghoon was not feeling bad at all, he didn’t feel like freezing, he felt his wings just like he did all the time and even felt like he didn't need to get his wings frosted. After she did this, they started walking to the pixie dust tree from the winter side, since there was the King “What’s your name? I am Sunghoon.” “I am Breeze! What kind of fairy are you? I think you already noticed I am a frost fairy.” “I am a water fairy.” “Can you now be honest and tell me what you were doing here?” “I got curious, that’s all.” “Curiosity would have left you wingless.” “You’re right… but I don't feel cold at all, I feel okay to be honest.” “let the King see you.” Sunghoon entered, and the King unfrosted his wings just to see, he noticed everything was just fine, which was weird, if Sunghoon flew from the barrier to the library, that time would've been more than enough for him to freeze and his wings to break. “Breeze, walk with Sunghoon like this… for a while, show him the land.” a smile formed on Sunghoon’s face “Just like that?” “Yes, go Sunghoon, she will show you.” “Thank you!.” 

Breeze and Sunghoon walked to the frost fairy side, Sunghoon got to see different fairies working at night, and they walked for a long time. “Sunghoon. Are you sure your wings are okay?” “I feel perfect, it is the first time something other than water makes me feel this way.” Breeze continued walking with him, he managed to be there all night long. They arrived at a little lake, it wasn’t all frozen yet, Sunghoon made a little water bubble and Breeze turned it into ice, she laughed at Sunghoon’s expression when she did that, “Yes, I can also freeze water! I can make ice, look, make another bubble.” And just like last time she froze it, then something crazy happened. Sunghoon made one water bubble but made it stay in the air, and with another touch it also… froze. “How did you do that?” Sunghoon asked, “I did not do that, you did.” a very impressed Breeze said. Sunghoon realized he could make ice as well, and did so a few times, feeling like all this curiosity  did mean something. “Come again tomorrow, I will find an answer for this.” 

The next day arrived, and Breeze did find an answer. “You are a rare fairy, look, you suit this description, you have a warm side talent and a winter side talent at the same time, that’s why you manage to be okay in the winter, you are also a winter fairy, there has only been 3 fairies like this, now 4 with you, I read a few books and… you are special, you can cross the border whenever you want.” Sunghoon felt impressed but happy at the same time, he realized why he had this curiosity nobody else did for the winter, it was calling him. 

He told about it to his friends, “So you're telling me you recklessly crossed the barrier? Sunghoon, I know this turned out great but you could have hurt yourself, what would I do if you hurt yourself?” Jay kept talking about safety and following the rules, Sunghoon left him since he knew it came from the love Jay had for him, “We are complementary opposites then! I melt what you freeze” Sunoo said with a smile.

It was now time to change stations, and Sunghoon was happy to be able to freeze water. “Sunghoon! Freeze this lake.” Breeze said he did and then, she started to skate on the ice, beautifully dancing with a big smile. This was her favorite part of the winter season. Sunghoon joined and skated with her dancing as well, on the ice he just froze.

So now not only the water you see running might be Sunghoon’s work but also the ice you see in winter, and the frozen lakes you see. Sunghoon is a very special fairy that can move in the warm and the cold how he pleases.

[childofchrist1983]

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? - Matthew 16:24-26 KJV

This Bible passage seems to have two parts. The first concerns our willingness to carry our cross, and the second is a little more challenging in that we are asked what value we place on eternal life.

In examining the first, let's consider crosses. I'm sure we look around and sometimes wonder if other people suffer? It can look so easy from the outside for the rich or the famous. However, even the rich and the famous get sick, lose loved ones and sometimes, suffer from losing the very things that make them either rich or famous! It is said that the stock market crash of the 1920s made many of the rich poor. Scandals in recent years have turned the famous to infamous. It only takes a single injury illness to turn a sports hero into an ordinary man or woman.

Everyone has a cross to bear. If we really could see what others are suffering, we would most likely be content with our own. There is a saying, "I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet." There is always someone who is worse off than we are. As to the second part of this passage, we have other questions to consider. Are we willing to give up eternal life to pursue a goal using immoral or illegal means to get what we want? But we have the same choices to make in our life when we are offered a chance to win if we are willing to cheat. Over the years, sports stars have been toppled and school sports have suffered because of the illegal use of steroids. Students have lost their scholarships because of cheating on tests. People have been promoted because they lied about colleagues. Is losing eternal life worth it? Thank God for giving us many opportunities to carry our crosses without complaint and to follow Him and His law of love as we face temptations daily. May He help us to be more sensitive to the teaching ministry of His Holy Word and Spirit, relying on Him and allowing Him to speak to us and guide us every step of our Christian journey.

God gave us the Holy Bible - His living and Holy Word - to let us know of Him and His abiding love and care as well as guide and prepare us for all our lives. May He help us encourage one another as we continue our walk with Him and our duty to Him daily. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for being present for all our new beginnings and all our lives. May He redirect any anxiety we feel as He provides countless opportunities for growth and change. May we humble ourselves before God always, asking Him to forgive our sins and make our hearts and lives anew through His Holy Word and Spirit. May He help us make Him and His Holy Word top priority, so we can grow spiritually and grow in our relationship with Him as we apply it to our daily lives. Thank God that we can focus on Him and everything about Him, for that is what keeps us sane and at peace. May our words and actions always be a reflection of Him and His Holy Word and Spirit and will.

Everyday, we must remember to thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for the grace that He poured out for us on the cross at Calvary. He has freed us from the burdens of sin and guilt. May He help us to always walk in His grace and Holy Spirit, not by our own measure. May He give us the humble humility to know that our freedom and eternal salvation is found only in Him, so that His grace may sustain us, and we may never lose sight of His love and light and mercy. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for calling us to Him and to serve Him. May He equip us to do all that He has called us to do so that as He works through us, He may use us to produce fruit, to reach others, and to encourage all brothers and sisters in Christ. May He work all of these things in us and through us for His Kingdom and His glory. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for all His creation, for His miraculous ways and for everything He does and has done for us! Keep the faith and keep moving forward in your walk with Jesus! He loves us and He knows what is best for us. Seek, follow and trust in Him - Always!

Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His Holy Word and for sending His Holy Spirit so that we might have His grace, not only to awaken us and transform our hearts in our spiritual rebirth and guarantee our eternity with Him, but to also call upon Him whenever we are in need. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for all the reminders of His love and mercy and faithfulness within His Holy Word. He is bigger than any challenge or circumstance in our lives. Knowing this within our minds and our hearts, nothing can deter our faith in Him and His Truth. May we all accept Him and His eternal gift of salvation and ask that He would transform our hearts and lives according to His will and ways. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His Holy Spirit who saves, seals and leads us. May we always thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His almighty power and saving grace. For He is our strength, and He alone is able to save us, forgive our sins and gift us eternal salvation and entry into His Kingdom of Heaven.

May we make sure that we give our hearts and lives to God and take time to seek and praise Him and share His Truth with the world daily. May the LORD our God and Father in Heaven help us to stay diligent and obedient and help us to guard our hearts in Him and His Holy Word daily. May He help us to remain faithful and full of excitement to do our duty to Him and for His glorious return and our reunion in Heaven as well as all that awaits us there. May we never forget to thank the LORD our God and our Creator and Father in Heaven for all this and everything He does and has done for us! May we never forget who He is, nor forget who we are in Christ and that God is always with us! What a mighty God we serve! What a Savior this is! What a wonderful LORD, God, Savior and King we have in Jesus Christ! What a loving Father we have found in Almighty God! What a wonderful God we serve! His will be done!

Thanks and glory be to God! Blessed be the name of the LORD! Hallelujah and Amen!

[helleborus-viridis-l]

2)ASSIMILATION/SURFACE VS UNDERGROUND As for assimilation, I'm not having a easy time understanding what you mean. Eilistraee is huge on freedom of expression, but elements of Lolthite culture are discarded in her faith because... which among the elements of Lolthite culture are worth keeping? IMHO you're looking at the problem from an inconvenient side. Aside from symbolysms, which are an exterior thingy and easily included without the need to altering anything at the core, Lolthite culture has a crushing majority of poisonous traits. The way it's written is the root problem here. It's basically no different from your typical western middle class--complete with loads of nepotism, indoctrination, systemic oppression, and generational trauma--but without any positive element from western middle class (fair amounts of cooperation, general safety&availability of resources). As a parentheses, to be honest, the writing lacks believability, because as soon as you start scratching the surface, the justifications provided by the lore all fall apart, and you really see that this fictional society only keeps standing not because its internal logic and the logic of the setting allow it to, but because "the author said so". Returning to Lolthite cultural traits, we mostly have: Personality cult, to the point of denying oneself (the "meat for Lolth" crap). Judging, gossiping, and metaphorical backstabbing being escalated into nonsense like "friendship and love=taboo" (honestly, teenager edgelord bullshét), "trust=taboo", constant paranoia, infighting&strife taken to really stupid levels, torture being their "insert popular sport here", and a matriarchy that sounds like your next incel's idea of how women would treat men if they had power. Oh, and let's not forget slavery and some Nazi-like "we are the only race worthy of having a decent life" stuff. What's there that is worthy to keep and stay true to? On top of that, in the history of FR, Lolthite culture isn't the original drow culture. Miyeritar and Ilythiir had their own culture that predates her. If anything, Lolthite culture smells of assimilation. I'll try to cover some points that could be seen as assimilation: a)Return to the surface: I don't believe it's a matter of principle. Remember that Eilistraee's own divine realm is Svartalfheim, within Nidavellir, in the Ysgard's Underdark. Her petitioners go there. In the material plane, it's more of a practical thing. Resources underground are scarces, and terrifying monsters that want to destroy the drow are everywhere. It's not an environment suited for growth, and since Eilistraee's goal is to make the drow thrive and build relationships, it's very inconvenient to encourage the drow to stay underground. b)Redemption: The one in Eilistraee's lore it's not about guilt. Eilistraee's message to the drow isn't "repent!", it's "there's a place for you here, it's your place". To Eilistraee, the goal's helping the drow heal and rediscover all the natural things they were denied (like, I dunno, a normal sense of belonging), and for their brains to stop being on the constant lookout for danger, and instead manage to look at what nurtures them (aka, what do you want to do of your life?). Once a sense of safety in one's own skin and community is reached, "redemption" (as in stopping being murderhobos) will naturally come. I know that Smedman tried to push some shitty idea of redemption as a toxic interpretation of the Christian-like cleansing from sins, but remember that almot EVERYTHING she wrote was antithetical to Eilistraee's lore, contradicting very specific lines, and (as stated by Perkins' and Erik de Bie) aimed to get people to dislike her before removing her. It's also all been retconned into oblivion where it belongs. c)Symbolism: Eilistraee alread has moths among her favorite animals, and often uses them to communicate. For example, silvery moths can guide lost people to safety. It takes nothing to implement moths as symbolism in their dresses and/or architecture, art, spells, etc...

continues->

“Why does Eilistraee in practice bother me?” I ask, having a special interest in religion in the context of cultures and having very specific pet peeves as a result of that special interest.

Truly, it is a mystery.

[grapenamjams]

Captain Price with a recovering reader

Part two of: scenarios with a fatally injured reader

Warnings: Medical environment, mention of injury

A/n: I need more captain price in my life fr

…

“No internal injury’s, no infection and your vitals look good considering the amount of blood you lost.” The doctor who John rushed to get to check you the second you woke up, says while looking at their computer before looking back at you with a pleasant smile

“All you need to focus on is to not pull your stitches out. Other than that you are on your way to a quick recovery and leave here soon.” They finish, as they write something on their clipboard

“Thanks doctor” Johns gruff voice sound from his spot beside your bed, arms crossed over his chest. his voice and posture adding to his guarded serious expression that makes the medical profesional shift nervously

“O-of course” their eyes shift between you two and you offer a smile “yes, thank you for everything”

they smile slightly “well I’ll let you two alone for now… call me if you need me” they say quickly as you node watching them leave

“I don’t know if you are happy or angry to see me, with that expression John.” Your gaze falls back on the seeming brooding man beside you

“try both” he grunts out. his eyes run over your face “I’m relieved you woke up. I haven’t been able to do anything else but to…” he lets out a frustrated breath uncrossing his arms

“But what the bloody hell were you thinking taking a dagger for me huh?” His voice was authoritative and gruff but you could hear the worry in it with the slight quiver

“I…I could have lost you, you know that? You’d be gone. And for what? Just so that I could live?”

“If it had come to that yes. John I would have wanted to you to live, thats why I did it” you state matching his tone

“Without you?” His voice rings in the room. His eyes staring at you, kind truthful eyes that were welling up with tears you know he wouldn’t shed in-front of you

“That wouldn’t be living darling…” he breathes out shaking his head looking down at his hands, having that nightmarish sight still ingrained in his mind.

“I’ve lost many people around me. But you” his gaze locks with yours “if I lost you I’d…I’d be lost [name]. That would be it” he grabs your hand in both of his hands bringing it to his lips

“I’m the one that should protect you, not the other way around, alright?”

You place your other hand on top of his “John, I don’t want to lose you either. It’s not all up to you. When we say we are together that means we are together. Taking care and protecting each other. So don’t ask me not too because I won’t listen, even if you’re a captain” you give him a smile

His eyes widen a bit seeing a retort forming in his mind but instead he relinquishes with a node and slight smile breaking the seriousness on his face “alright, you’re right. could never bargain with you could I?”

Shaking you’re head you open your arms to him “come here”

He wraps you in his large arms cradling the back of your head pressing you against him finally feeling whole again with your warmth against him

Having to remember to lessen his hold on you “careful, your stitches”

You hold him tighter “I don’t care they can stich me up again”

He chuckles against you “such a stubborn women you are”

“And yet You still love me” you mumble against him breathing him in

John pulls back to cup your chin between his fingers “that I do” he says before guiding your lips to his

[caffernnn]

so i searched the meaning of kiyofumi's name and it prob translates to something like "pure message" (the kanji for "kiyo" meaning "pure"; "fumi" is "sentence, letter, writing, or literature"). makoto's name means "truth", and there's something about this parallelism the way it also parallels patroclus, whose name means "glory of the father", and cleopatra, name with the same roots and meaning in origin, the most beloved wife of the king meleager, to whom achilles is compared, in fame, glory, the way they were wronged, the way they acted about it, and the way they only listened to their respective beloveds. the king was doomed when he didn't listen early enough to his wife, and achilles was said to face the same faith if he would not listen to patroclus.

makoto and kiyofumi are supposedly the reasons their respective best friends swim [kiyofumi's support to azuma; makoto's feelings reaching haru] , and like, if the foreshadowing in s3 was pushed through (and with this kind of coincidence in their name etymologies) with haru paralleled to azuma, then makoto would most definitely the kiyofumi parallel. all i'm saying is that mh patrochilles au is canon, the way the patrochiles parallels have their own counterparts in the free! universe.

achilles [meleager] = haru [azuma]

patroclus [cleopatra] = makoto [kiyofumi]

it's 11 and i just had to tell you so forgive my ramblings

I love getting to hear about your different AU ideas because the comparisons and characterizations always seem to get to one of the most compelling parts of their dynamics: where the emotional tether and guiding light for Character A resides in the hope and balance gained from Character B’s presence (which is a double-edged sword to wield that we see can lead to tragedy). Kiyofumi and Ryuuji’s story is interesting to look at in comparison with Makoto and Haru now that we know FS2 didn’t go for the kill by making it a direct warning (RIP to the Makoto-gets-hurt theories). So, how much of it is meant to be taken as a parallel between situations? We arguably get to see a glimpse into what both Ryuuji and Haru are like when their centers are taken away from them (caring about the water, but taking a break from it when they’re so lost. Holding the weight of swimming in an obligatory manner on their shoulders when they’ve lost sight of the “why…” not being able to consider a return until they can reconnect with who they’ve lost or create a new center for themselves in their stead). Ryuuji was lost until he decided to go into training, and then find a passion project of sorts with Haru (man really said “oh he’s just like me fr let me study him). Haru was lost once when he didn’t know what to do after graduation (plus the fireworks fight giving clarity to how lost and disconnected he really was from his emotional center and biggest support), and he gets lost again in FS when he gets tunnel vision toward having to “get stronger” on his own. What is worth looking at is that latter situation, because this one comes after the precedent of Ryuuji’s story. Since the parallel wasn’t to denote Haru choosing between his bonds or his professional drive (at least not in a clear-cut way), then what do we do now with Chekov’s mentor-sob-story?

I’m a broken record at this point (and will end up saying it again when more people see fs2 and want to talk about it) but so much golden potential lies in the timeskip. There could’ve been something so valuable in getting to see Haru parse through his feelings when forced to rehab and be on-pause for a minute. Not only the talks with his friends to figure out how to proceed forward without falling apart (cough cough Sousuke cough cough Nao) or figuring out a new dream for himself (cough cough Makoto cough cough Natsuya), but also !! potentially !! an actual talk with Ryuuji that isn’t just cryptic warnings or advice given pre-breakdown. I’m not saying that it’d fix everything or that sticking with Ryuuji long-term is the best idea, but I think there’d be something worthwhile in getting to hear what his coach thinks now that he’s not consumed with his own side-story and saw firsthand that Haru needs a specific type of support and hands-on guidance that he wasn’t necessarily receiving before. If anything, he can talk about how he rebuilt his center and chose to become a coach/trainer (iirc he mentioned that story to Makoto in s3 but idk if he ever did tell Haru much??). Some sort of anecdote to reinforce that there are many ways to return to the water. Idk, there’s something there!!

Aaaanyway, makoharu patrochilles parallel real and valid 😌 love how mh are Just Some Guys™️ but also the perfect vessels for tragic devotion and deathly obligation

[tetralea]

Dirty words

Pairing: dom!Tom Holland x reader

Word Count: 1.9K+

Warning: dom-sub dynamics, dirty talking, cum in panties, cum play, oral male recieving, pussy job, face fucking (not too hardcore), pet names like cock slut, orgasm denial

Summary:  Tom is in a zoom call, and you tiptoe around him, never showing up or making any noises. Except when you get to the kitchen wanting to cook something you drop your ingredients and swear loudly.

A/N: So, I dropped stuff in the kitchen swearing loudly while my love was in a call, and I’m always horny, so there we go. 

It was almost lunch time, and you were waiting for your boyfriend to finish his video call before starting to eat. If you were honest, you were hoping it would be one of those lunch breaks, when he had a bit more time between the lectures and he would pay more attention to you. And what you needed.  

Tiptoeing around the room, always behind his desk, was an everyday thing and the both of you got used to it by now. Walking out to the kitchen a few minutes before the end of his call seemed like a nice idea, to prep the food for yourselves.  

Everything was almost ready when you grabbed the container for your pasta, the thin foil tearing in your hand, and the heavy package fell back to the counter. You tried to catch it, seeing everything that was happening in slow motion, but the pasta spilled on the ground, nonetheless. The noise was followed by long cursing from your side and an upset huff.  

It just hit you a second later that Tom was in the call, but it was already too late. He called out for you, muting himself in the process. Hoping he was just wondering if everything was alright, you poked your head in the room, seeing him sitting at his desk staring at you with raised brows, an unamused look on his face.  

‘Sorry.’ You mouthed with an anxious expression, fidgeting with your hands nervously.  

‘Pants off, darling.’ Tom bit his lips with a challenging smirk, trying to fight back a huge smile, his eyes giving your body a lustful once over.

He saw all of your hopes that you will get away with it disappearing as you stepped in the room, letting him watch you as you dropped your shorts to the ground.  

‘Good girl.’ The small purr and the proud smile on his lips gave you some hope for the later part of the day. When he returned his attention to the screen you walked out, back to the kitchen starting to gater the dry pasta from the ground.  

It didn’t take long, and you heard Tom saying goodbye to whoever he had a call with and standing up from his chair. At the same time, you were very aware of the wetness forming on your folds, eager anticipation bubbling in your chest and you pussy being covered only by the thin material of your panties.  

‘So, what happened?’ Tom crouched next to you, his fingers quickly picking up the small pieces from the ground.  

‘I dropped this sh-thing.’ Changing your wording looked like a smart idea.

‘Darling I feel like you have a very very dirty mouth today.’ Tom tutted cleaning up the last crumbs of the pasta with you.  

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t want to, it just fell. And it was supposed to be for lunch.’ The explanation was brief and honest, finished with a regretful sigh.  

‘I know. It’s ok, love.’ Tom reassured you and pulled you up from the ground. He pulled you to a hug and kissed your temple gently. ‘But I just can’t leave you running around with a dirty mouth like this.’ He whispered and gently pulled you when he leant against the counter.  

‘Yes, Sir.’  

‘Don’t worry, I won’t be too rough.’ He reassured you, looking you in the eye. ‘I’ll tell you what will happen.’ An eager nod from your end made him chuckle. ‘First, I'll fuck that dirty mouth of yours, it might help to clean it a bit. That will get you nice and wet for me, maybe soaking your panties a little too, so when I tell you to stop, you will get up and grind that pretty pussy on my cock, teasing yourself, but not coming of course.’

With a pleading look you let him gently push you down to kneel in front of him, your hands resting on your thighs, waiting. Tom undid his pants and pushed them down a little pulling his cock free, giving himself a few strokes.  

‘So eager.’ He commented when he saw you swallowing hard and licking your lips, waiting for his soft tip to touch your lips. ‘Open up.’ Tom’s voice was clear but gentle. His fingers were holding his cock by the base of his hard on. You did as he told, sticking your tongue out, earning a smug smile. He shifted a little to get closer and tapped his cock on your wet tongue, moving it around, coating his velvety tip with your spit. He took his time testing your limits seeing if you could hold still and not giving into the temptation to lick him without permission.  

The wet sounds filled the room when he gave small, gentle slaps on your tongue with his cock. ‘Now, close it, and start sucking.’ He guided you, still holding his own cock as a clear sign to keep your hands to yourself.  

The previous noises were switched to the wet sounds of you sucking his cock, lips stretching around his thick shaft, head bobbing up and down to your own rhythm. His groans and deep sighs were a clear sign that you were making him feel good. ‘Stay still.’ He warned when you started to squirm involuntarily, feeling your slit getting soaked, starting to soak into your panties.  

Sucking and swallowing around him got easier and easier when your brain got slowly clouded with lust and you were beyond aroused. Your breaths come out in big puffs though your nose as you prepared yourself to push further and let him slide into your throat. Tom cursed and you swallowed around him causing you to gag slightly. He hissed at the feeling and his hand let go of his cock, softly sliding forward to hold your head. ‘Now stay still, baby girl, and look at me, I’ll fuck that dirty mouth of yours.’  

Turning your eyes up to look at him was more difficult as you thought, he started to rock your head back and forward gently first, moving you until only his tip was between your lips then he pushed back not forcing you to deepthroat him yet. ‘So good for me, shit.’

He held your head and started to really fuck your mouth then, moving in and out, making you gag around him, your saliva coating him generously, the rest dripping down on your chin. His pace was still not too fast, you could keep your throat relaxed enough for him, even if the slight burn starting in your jaw made it more and more difficult.  

‘Look at you, fuck.’ Tom cursed, his muscles flexing as he pushed himself until he hit the back of your throat, keeping you there until the last second you could keep it together without starting to gag and gasp for air. ‘Letting me fuck that dirty little mouth of yours, being a good little cock slut for me.’ Seemingly he got lost in it more and more his words slurring and breaking with soft moans, his peace picking up. ‘Gotta fuck all the bad words out of it.’ Now your jaw was properly burning, whole body trembling from the pent-up need and anticipation for him to finally touch you. ‘So good, darling, so good for me.’  

You moaned and whimpered around him, closing your eyes, squeezing them, Tom testing your limits. It only lasted for a few seconds before he slowed down and eventually stopped. ‘Good girl, took it all so good.’ Tom praised you, his words causing a shiver going down on your spine and settling between your legs, making you throb and clench around nothing.  

‘Open your mouth baby girl.’ Tom pulled his cock between your spent lips, and let you take your time to find that movement. ‘Tongue out.’ You did as he asked, and he placed his cock back to your tongue. ‘I could cum just like this, spilling onto your tongue and pretty tits, but I know you’ll have a call soon, and I want you to sit in front of your camera, like a good girl, with my cum in your panties.’  

Your eyes went wide the sound of your shock escaped your open mouth without any barrier. By the time you were over the realisation of what was coming he already had you standing, your back against the counter, your panties pushed down on your thighs.  

Tom looked at you, his eyebrows high, a teasing but proud look in his eyes. ‘What is this darling?’ He asked, his fingers touching the wet spot on your panties breaking the glistering line of arousal which connected it with your pussy.  

‘I need you so bad.’ You whispered as a weak explanation, head turning a little to hide how flustered you got.  

‘So easy for me.’ Tom stepped closer, gliding his cock between your folds without a warning. Your body jumped to the sudden sensation a loud moan falling from your lips. ‘So easy.’ Tom repeated himself as he started to fuck your folds, your arousal covering his cock in a second, making the sensation almost unbearably intense. ‘Look at you, just standing here, letting me do whatever.’ He leant down placing a gentle kiss to your sore lips. ‘Use your hands, love, keep my cock pressed to your needy cunt.’  

With a weak whimper you did so, a shudder running through you, as the friction just got so much stronger, just as you needed it. He was grinding into your pussy, his tip eagerly pushing into your entrance, but never really inside of you, testing your limits, making your tremble and whimper continuously. ‘So easy of me as always. I could slid into that empty little cunt and fuck you and you’d thank me for it, huh?’ Tom’s voice was husky, seducing you even more, having you completely at his mercy.  

‘Yes, Sir.’ The weak cry coming from you let him know just how desperate he got you already.  

‘Good girl.’

Tom kept moving, his thrusts becoming sloppy and less and less controlled, giving you more and more, his hot tip leaking, mixing his wetness with yours when he bumped into your clit making you see stars. Just before you could have gotten close he grabbed your hand and moved it from the way, guiding his tip inside of you with heavy pants, and the feeling of relief almost washed over you, but he stopped. With only his blunt cock head stretching you out he was franticly jerking of, moaning and praising you before he come. His hot, heavy load was shooting into you, filling up your pulsing, empty cunt.  

‘Fuck.’ Tom’s body finally relaxed, his hand gently milking his own cock, to empty himself completely inside of you. He pulled your panties back and pulled out, drops of his white release already painting your panties. ‘Look at you, wearing my cum in these pretty panties.’ You felt like you wanted to scream or cry with frustration in the state he left you, but a satisfied sigh betrayed you when he pulled the ruined fabric up and you felt the warm liquid spreading around your fucked out pussy. ‘Now, close your legs like a good girl, and if you behave, I’ll reward you tonight.’ Tom whispered onto your lips as he kissed you lazily, pulling your close, drawing shooting circles onto your hips.  

‘Thank you, Sir.’

Tagging:

@terrifictomholland, @we--are---not--afraid, @itstaskeen, @spideybrie,  @thegirlintheswivelchair @greenorangevioletgrass @squirrelsarescaryman, @duskholland, @sinisterspidey, @tomsrebeleyebrow, @hazofmyheart @worldoftom, @augustholland , @dreamsarecloserwithyou @frenchfrostpudding

[fullfiresiren]

beauty of the dawn

jujutsu kaisen

fushiguro toji x reader

The notion of a loving family was something foreign to Fushiguro Toji. Family, to him, was a bitter word -- full of hate and abhorrence. Abandonment and fear were a commonality in his own childhood. But in you, he finds a warmth he didn’t think he deserved – a home he craved, a love that makes him feel safe; full of gentle touches and soft kisses. But he’s scared. He's broken, and angry, and he knows the threat of his family is always lurking close, snapping at his heels, ready to devour. You bring the notion of family to his doorstep, and he spooks. He panics. He can’t let them find you, he can’t and he has to give up the only feeling of warmth he has ever known to do so.

It haunts him forever – leaving behind the only woman he ever loved, and a child he will never know.

word count: 3.8k.

notes: *inhales* ANGST— lmao but really, I live for it. Toji may be a bad person, but I suck dick, not morals, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ bro I fr don’t even know what came over me. This has been like the smallest headcannon for me and somehow it turned into this horribly sad piece, and although Toji is a dick, I also think he is an incredibly complex character that, at the end of it all, was just a desperate father trying to look out for his child. I think he deserves much more than he got, and he kinda gets shat on in this fic lmao I'm so fuCKING SORRY FOR THAT--

warnings: nsfw/18+, angst, hurt no comfort, abandonment, unplanned pregnancy, pregnant reader

“Take me,” he prays, panting secrets that fall from his lips onto your soft skin; promises of pleasure as he breeds you deep. “Take all of me.”

And you do – over, and over, and over again.

Hilting him to the deepest part of yourself, and holding him close, so close, his breath a hot ghost across your face as he leans his forehead against yours. You keep him there until he is finished, taking his seed like it was sacrament. He gives you everything he has to offer, and only when you have slipped into a light slumber does he pull away.

He never strays far, though, and he cannot stay away for long. You are like sweet honey and warm sunsets; the breathing embodiment of a life he was never before privy to – the promise of something better; a miracle. Far from the cold depravity and sharp pain of his own family, in you, he found only warm touches, and words of tender affection. Toji feels so overwhelmed by the amount of love he has for you, that sometimes it’s unbearable. He feels so happy he could die.

He is not an honest man, by any means. He kills for a vocation -- and enjoys it, too. It’s something he’s good at. It’s an easy way to make money, and it helps him pay for his half of the rent on the meagre apartment you share. It also lets him keep the fridge full, make sure you’re always warm, and that you’re never without. He doesn’t really care about himself or what he has to do – so long as you’re happy.

The weight of his body is always heavy between your thighs, his chest solid, thrusts slow and deep, stretching you, making a perfect fit for himself inside you. He likes drawing it out – each time he takes you. He enjoys seeing you beg for release, relishes the way your tears slide down your flushed cheeks, because he likes being the one to kiss them away, knowing he is the only one who ever makes you feel this good. His name sounds so perfect when it falls from your lips at your height of ecstasy, and the way you take him in has him swearing he can see heaven.

You see a side of him that no one else does, but he’s dark, he’s toxic. The amount of sadness in his soul is challenged only by the sheer force of his anger. He's sure that he wasn’t always like this, but... he can’t really remember a time when he wasn’t. Everyone and everything was his enemy. He’s never really told you much about his family, or his past. His childhood had been dark, you assumed, based on the way he flinched around children, and steered clear of any conversational topics that included them or parental figures.

Toji Fushiguro was untouchable to everyone, and only just tangible to you.

He wants to be able to give you everything. He wants to lay his head on your chest in the depths of the night when he’s feeling lost, listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat to guide him home. He wants to come home every night, no matter what happens to him throughout the day, and be able to feel the brush of your soft lips; to taste your tongue with his – god – he wants to. But he’s afraid. He’s scared. If he gives you everything... if he shows you who he really is... what happens if you see something you don’t like? Will you pull away from him? Will you cast him out and abandon him – just like his family did? Toji isn’t feeble by any sense of the word, but he thinks that would be the one thing that would break him.

That’s why he’s only let you see glimpses... and only every now and then.

He’s just so miserable when he’s alone. He’s angry at the world, and you’re the only thing that soothes him. The only thing he has ever loved.

You’re staring at yourself in the mirror when he comes home, locked away in the too-small bathroom. You hear the keys turning in the lock; a signal of his arrival, and the door to your apartment opens, bringing with it sounds of paper bags crinkling, keys being tossed into their bowl, and huffing exhales as he struggles to kick his heavy boots off.

“Toji?”

“I’m home!” he calls, his voice a deep timbre in his chest, smooth like rich oak.

You follow it, leaving the safe space of your bathroom to find him, and when you pass the threshold into your small kitchen, he’s lifting bags of fresh groceries onto what little counter space you have. The movement carries with it droplets from an October rain that had caught him by surprise on his walk home, ones that hang from the edges of his black hair and drip down onto his damp black shirt.

“Toji,” you repeat, beaming as you bound into your small kitchen. “I have wonderful news!”

He spares you a glance between unpacking vegetables, dark eyes tracing the curve of your face, hands grasping at packets of food that need to be tossed in the fridge, and cans to be stacked in the shelves.

“Hmm?”

He offers you his face, leaning in close, pausing in his task to receive a small blessing of affection from you — a soft kiss against the scar on his lip that has his eyelashes fluttering closed, and then one more fully against yours – always greedy for any love you bestow, always chasing just one more, just once more, just another, my love, just one more...

He continues with his chore, but only when you giggle at the fluttering of kisses he peppers across your face, your jaw, suckling at your neck, your hands against his chest pushing him gently, urging him to finish his task – but not before you give him another deep kiss, all giddiness and mirth swimming in your gaze. He can’t help the deep chuckle that spills from his lips at seeing you so happy.

“Toji,” you begin, and he’s rummaging in the paper bags, brows furrowed because he could have sworn that he bought three carrots, and not two -- “I’m pregnant!”

He stills.

He can sense your beaming smile, almost feels the warmth of it on his cold skin, and it only makes him shiver.

The seconds tick by without any form of reaction, and the atmosphere grows horribly tense. Toji doesn’t look at you, but he can see from his peripheral vision that your smile slips at the same time that your shoulders round and you make yourself smaller, unconsciously closing off. You’re twisting something in your hands, suddenly nervous, and he has a nauseating feeling that settles in his gut, because he knows exactly what it is that you’re holding.

It’s proof.

“Are you... happy?” you ask, and you hate that you have to. It’s like a punch in the gut, and you’re afraid. This was not the reaction you were expecting at all.

“Are you sure?” he doesn’t know why he asks that.

He isn’t looking at you, and he isn’t moving – he’s not even blinking. You feel your hands becoming sweaty as you clutch the positive pregnancy test, mouth dry. A quickly increasing panic creeps over your skin, gripping you by the throat, and you honestly have no idea how to traverse this kind of response to your news. In the bathroom you only practiced scenarios in relation to a beaming, positive reaction.

Which room should we make into the baby’s room? Our baby can always sleep with us, though, and I know they’re definitely going to prefer you – I'm hopeless with kids... but I hope they look like you, Toji – a perfect combination of everything I love about you!

Do you want to pick names out? I hope it’s a girl... but a boy would be wonderful, too! I know the baby will adore you, no matter what! Do you have any names you like? We can name them after someone you love? If it’s a boy, I want to make his middle name yours...

Why didn’t you think he was going to show apprehension or reluctance? Why were you so idiotic to assume this is something he desired when he’s never given you any signs of wanting to start a family? He’s probably feeling entirely overwhelmed – and no wonder – you have no tact about this. Fuck, you’re stupid. You fucking idiot. Pathetic, dumb, worthless--

“Y-yes,” you reply, and your voice is a shadow of its former self. “I took three tests. I have one here--”

“How.”

You flinch a little under the curtness of his words.

“W-what—?”

“How did this happen?”

“Uhm...” your voice sounds so frail when you speak, and you can't help it. He’s making you feel like you’ve committed a horrendous sin. You’ve managed to combine the epitome of affection between the two of you into the creation of what will become a child – a perfect mix of the two of you, and yet, you’re beginning to hate yourself for doing so. You didn’t mean to... it was an accident... “We don’t... you know... use protection... and we... have sex... a lot...”

“I thought you were taking the pill.”

You feel like you want to throw up.

His entire body is unnaturally still, and he’s not looked at you once since you’ve told him. You are pretty sure that the can in his right hand is warping under the violent pressure of his grasp, and you wring your hands around the test nervously, the weight of it somehow heavy against your palms.

“I... don’t take the pill...” you remind, and then as an afterthought, you add, “I’m sorry.”

Words you never thought you would say in relation to this. You never though you would have to apologize in this kind of situation. You exhale a shaky breath, and it seems to bring him back to reality. He sets the can down on the countertop with more force than needed, and you try your best to blink back tears as you ask, “You’re... not happy... are you...?”

It’s more of a statement than a question, and it hurts to say – god, it hurts. The words sting when they leave your mouth, like a hard slap against your face, but the ache is not nearly as bad as the way his silence is wounding you. You feel like you’re about to collapse from the amount of pain you have in your heart.

“I need to go somewhere,” is the most he offers you, before he’s turning on his heels and striding past you, leaving the apartment you share.

The noise of the front door slamming shut echoes in your mind long after the sound itself has gone.

He never did come back.

  — — — 5 years later — — —

 In the end, you were blessed with a baby girl, all chubby with round, rosy cheeks. Dark hair and eyes like her father, but soft and gentle like her mother. She was an almost perfect child. She never cried, and she never fussed, content in just being close to her mother. She listened when you spoke, and learned fast, growing just as quick, and you would die for her. She was your blessing; Akemi – the beauty of a new dawn.

You’re sure that he would have loved her more than life itself, but you try not to spare any thoughts his way anymore.

Toji gambles his life away, blowing through anything he earns as quickly as he makes it, drowning himself night after night in heavy alcohol to dampen his senses until they are nothing more than a faint hum in the back of his brain.

With any luck, those things will kill him long before the guilt does.

He fucks faceless women, drunk beyond sense, and when he finishes, he leaves before they sleep.

“Hate me, (y/n),” he sneers, turning sharply to vomit up onto the wet asphalt, breath a shaky exhale as he stumbles into the cold night, thoughts only on you – only ever on you – unaware that he’s crying. “Hate me. I fucking deserve it.”

His face is smeared with bile and tears, and he is so fucking angry -- so desperately sad, and he cries, and cries. He wants to go home. He just wants to go home. He wants to meet her – his darling daughter – he wants to hold her, and kiss her forehead, and tuck her into bed. Fuck everything that he thought – he would have been a great father, he knows it – and you knew it, too. He’s so lost without you, and he wants to lay his head on your chest in the safety of your bedroom, listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat to guide him home. He wants to feel the brush of your soft lips again; to taste your tongue with his, moan your name into your parted sigh, make you feel him again.

He screams, but it catches in his throat before he can, and he splits his knuckles open when he sends a furious punch against a brick wall.

He can protect you from a lot of things – but not the power of his family. Not that. He’s just one man, and they’re so many. He has a heavenly restriction, and they are all blessed with both innate and inherited techniques, passed down through eons. He knows what they’ll do if they ever found out about you – about the child, and Toji swears on everything he has, that he won’t let them touch you – or her. Even if he won’t be able to. Even if he’ll never be able to hold his daughter, to thank her for being born, to cradle her against his chest and feel her wrap her small fingers against his – he won’t let the Zen’in have her. He won’t.

But that doesn’t mean that he deprives himself from watching over her – or you. Eyes follow the two of you home from her pre-school, singing nursery rhymes to your hearts content, watching as she orders “up, up, mommy!”, squealing happily when you lift her onto your shoulders. He imagines himself in your place; lifting her to higher heights, hearing her giggle a chorus of happy songs as your hand finds his, lips on his scar as you tell him how much you love him.

But he always keeps his distance, dark baseball cap shielding his features, and leaves before you feel someone following you.

It becomes increasingly hard to keep it at that. He starts pushing the boundaries, testing how close he can get. He knows he shouldn’t -- he has no right to – but when she dropped her stuffed toy one time in the supermarket, and you were oblivious to it, he finds himself bending down to grasp the too-soft toy in his calloused hands, dropping it in your basket when your back is turned, and your brows are furrowed as you regard the price difference between her favorite flavor of juice compared to the off-brand ones.

The thrill of being so close, of doing something, anything fatherly, was like a fix – a short relief from the aching despair and loneliness constantly plaguing him, and he finds himself doing it more and more – always pushing, always testing the waters. He even smiled at her once when she caught him staring, and she sent her own toothy grin back at him. His heart soared.

His daughter’s name was Akemi, and he first heard it when it fell from your lips one warm afternoon. He wants to write her name on his heart – right beside yours.

He wants to give her something – a pretty gift, but he doesn’t know what. He was never good at buying presents, and would only ever bring you flowers, since it seemed like something that could never go wrong, and would always bring a bright smile to your face. Flowers would be strange for a child, though. He twists the dainty silver bracelet between his large fingers, thinking bitterly that this was the same way you held the pregnancy test all those years ago. He didn’t really care how much it cost him. He’s sure that the salesman added unnecessary tax and extras to the price just to give himself more commission, but Toji doesn’t care – he just wanted something pretty to give to his daughter.

When he finally sees her enter the park, small hand tugging yours happily, his mind goes empty, and he can’t stop staring. You are as beautiful as ever, and it’s no wonder his daughter is so ethereal when she has you for a mother.

She is perfect, he thinks -- too good for this life -- and even though it’s the worst thing he has ever done, he is reminded that pulling away from you was the only way to save her from his family. It looks like she escaped the curse of inheriting any of his bloodline's techniques, and what’s more so – it seems like she, too, is oblivious to curses; skipping past them as she chases leaves that skit about the dirt path of the park, her teddy in her arms. Toji dips his head down when she draws near the bench he’s sitting on, the brim of his baseball cap keeps his face hidden, and his sadness known only to himself.

“Excuse me?”

He bristles when her voice floats past his ears, so gentle and sweet.

“Hey, mister,” she pokes his knee with her slim finger, so tiny compared to the size of his body, and he jerks at the contact. “Is this yours?”

She’s holding the bracelet in her small hand, the silver glinting in the morning sun, offering it up to him with large eyes, so close to him. At this distance, he can see the true color of her eyes – exactly like his own – and the small freckles that dot her skin. The longer he stares, the more his chest constricts painfully, tightly – he’s finding it hard to breathe, and he exhales suddenly, sharply snatching it away from her.

The force of the movement causes her to stumble a little, tripping over her feet, and before she knows it, the man who was once sitting before her has entirely caught her in his large arms, scooping her up before the ground has a chance to harm her.

She blinks once... twice... swaddled in his arms, sitting against his broad chest, and Toji frantically looks for you, finding you caught up in talking to another mother, too busy to notice. He knows he would scold you for it if he was still in your life, but when his daughter laughs, he snaps his head back to look at her, forgetting what thoughts he had in his mind at the glinting sound of her happiness.

“Whoa!” she exclaims, “You’re fast! Thanks for catching me!”

He doesn’t know what to say – if he should say anything at all. His plan was to give her the bracelet, telling her that it was a late birthday gift from someone that loves her very much, and walking off before she (or you) has the chance to catch on or respond. But now that he’s inches away from her, holding her close as she peers up at him, he’s lost again. He’s lost, and he can’t breathe. He needs you to steady him, but you aren’t here, and he doesn’t know what to do, what should he do, what should he--?

“Where did you get that scar from?” she asks innocently, her large eyes suddenly trained on the mark beside his lips.

“F-from an accident,” he mumbles, “a long time ago.”

“Oh,” she hums, hands splayed against his broad chest, looking around her, swaying her legs absentmindedly. “Wow, you’re really tall! I can see everything from up here!” she exclaims happily, “My mommy’s not as tall as this, so when I sit on her shoulders, I can’t see nearly as much as I can now!”

“Oh,” he mutters, not really knowing what to say, “is that so?”

“Mhm,” she nods, “Mommy’s not as big as you are either.”

At this, he gives a genuine laugh – a sound he hasn’t heard fall from his lips in a long, long time, looking at her with quiet adoration.

“She’s not as fast as you either,” she continues, “you were super-fast!”

“She’s strong in her own ways, though,” he mutters, offering her a soft smile.

“Do you know my mommy?”

He bristles, actively avoiding her gaze. His heart is racing from this much interaction with his daughter, and he’s sure she can feel it under her small palm. It beats for her – if only she knew, and Toji contemplates, for the briefest of seconds, just telling her. The thought leaves his mind as soon as it enters. He doesn’t have that choice, and he doesn’t deserve it.

“Not really,” he mutters, dipping down slowly to set her footing on solid ground once more.

“She’s really pretty,” the little girl continues, playing with the soft fabric of his t-shirt in a small moment of fondness and familiarity, “and nice – and she makes great food!”

Toji realises only after the fact that his hand had settled on top of her head, and he’s stroking her hair softly, thumb caressing her cheek when he moves to cup her face. She doesn’t seem to mind at all, and Toji is overwhelmed with a plethora of emotions. Pride in you for doing all this by yourself and raising such a wonderful child, shame for abandoning you and his daughter, mirth, anger, warmth, sadness, love--

“Akemi!” you call, seeing her lift her head at the sound of your voice. “This way, honey!”

“Oh, I have to go now! My mommy is calling me!” she perks up, gripping her teddy a little tighter and offering the man a smile. “Bye-bye!”

“W-wait!” he calls, thrusting the gift into her small hands. “This is for you, uh... f-from me...”

She looks down at it, before her whole face lights up, and Toji is suddenly breathless – she looks so much like you when she’s surprised, happiness blossoming over her face the same way it would on yours.

Toji feels a deep-rooted emptiness inside his body when he watches his daughter retreat away from him; a living embodiment of all his failures to you, and yet, as he sees her long, black hair whip out behind her, he realizes something else — she was your promise delivered; a combination of everything good between the two of you, in itself a miracle. He might not be in her life, but he was also partly responsible for creating something so beautiful, so ethereal.

He knows he doesn’t deserve it, but if he was ever fortunate enough to be granted a second, it would be a miracle; a holy gift.

A blessing that would accompany the beauty of dawn.

[goldentsum]

— oh my empress: aoba johsai palace

CHARACTERS: oikawa tooru, iwaizumi hajime, matsukawa issei, hanamaki takahiro

TAGS: suggestive themes, smut, angst, historical au where women have the ‘superior’ status, pet names, ‘cheating’ but is it really cheating tho? idk empress x concubines have such confusing relationship status, unrequited love, dom-ish! empress! reader, concubine! males, praising

ROUTE: aoba johsai palace: you are here. 

AUTHOR’S NOTE: this idea was lurking in my mind every single day so i tried to write it HAHAHAHA very angsty tho. unedited bleghhh :p 

— oikawa ♡

• a clingy concubine!! he fr thinks that yall should just make it official official so that he can stand by you in the throne room as your one and only man 

• he’ll talk smack about the other concubines. it’s canon.

• also, oikawa knows all the gossip in the palace

• oikawa always tells you that he loved you even when you two were younger and no one can ever love you like he loves you

• when he was younger, his mother is one of the officials in court and the woman always brought him along

• and before he knew it, it was normal for him to go to court with his mother. 

• oh how he remembers it clearly. you in that soft white kimono, smiling brightly as you giggle, while your handmaidens gently pushing you on the swing. your perfectly adorned hair framing your pretty face. 

• you were so beautiful and oikawa just can’t help but know you. though as a male, it would be proven difficult, but his mother was one of the officials and tried to talk to you

• oikawa thought at first that you were a child of another official too and to his big surprise, you were the crown princess! 

• you still tease him to this day about how cocky he was at first, trying to impress you. 

• he loves it when you spend time with him and go to his room for procreating...

• it always feels like you’ve chosen him. chose him to spend your limited free time with him among your many concubines 

• maybe in the future, he can be your prince like you are his glowing empress.

“your highness, i’m really happy that you’re here...” he hic-ed, his lips trembling as he looked up at you with a red blush on his face. his once immaculate kimono draped his body loosely while you run your hands up and down his chest, admiring the milky and soft skin. 

you smiled at him and leaned down, placing a small kiss on his forehead making him gasp. you softly whispered against his skin, “i’m here, sweet prince” 

oikawa whimpered softly, heart beating harshly at the sweet pet name as tears pricked his eyes. your hands trailed down his stomach, feeling his clenching muscles. you leaned further down, trailing hot wet kisses on his neck, and slowly started grinding on top of him. 

the pretty male gasped, his hands flying up to wrap his arms around you. you chuckled at his reaction and the prominent hard-on that was nudging your thigh. 

“such a cute reaction you have, sweet prince~” you teased, your hot breath hitting oikawa’s sensitive neck. you let your hand go to his hair, running through the messy tresses and your nails scratching his scalp gently. oikawa’s eyes rolled to his skull and letting his head hung back, giving you more space to his neck. his hips jerking when you continued the slow and agonizing pace of your grinding. 

“p-please... y-your highness... touch me more..” he whispered, the massive blush on his skin so delectable. you smiled and faced him. oikawa’s half-lidded eyes stared at you with love and need. you placed a soft kiss on his lips making him moan. the kiss turned messy and hot in an instant. 

oikawa opened his mouth, letting your slick tongue in. you swallowed his moans when you started playing with his tongue and your fingers thumbing his nipples. his kimono rustled and crumpled as you moved it off his shoulders. 

tooruu loves you so much that it hurts. your soft touch wasn’t making it easier for him to deny you. he tried to shove the feelings he had for you but whenever you smiled at him, it starts to build up again. 

it was as easy as that. you had him wrapped around your fingers and you don’t even know. 

his hands clenching your red kimono as if he were to loosen even just a bit, you’d disappear. just like before...

— iwaizumi ♡

• an intellectual concubine who deals with affairs in court!

• the other concubines are scared of him! 

• but he doesn’t know that so shhh! this baby thinks that they’re just shy and just didn’t know him so they talk to him

• iwaizumi wants to be useful to you. not just a baby maker who comes and goes. 

• he never intended to fall in love with you. he really didn’t. he became a concubine because oikawa dragged him into it when the former was up for the exam. 

• iwaizumi relented because he thought if he’s at court, he can do something about the oppression that was happening around towards males. 

• he wants to change it and he thought that he was just a mere concubine in your court so he can do something about it without having to deal with you. you were an empress that embraced and welcomed many men in your court. 

• though, he didn’t know how much he was able to feel so loved when he met you. 

• so his objective changed, though only a little. he wants to be called as your lover that changed the views of society. 

• but he admits that there was a lot of competition in court. most especially for your affection and attention. iwaizumi saw a lot of other males ruining and fighting when you were not present. 

• but he won’t participate in it, he won’t stoop so low. though when another concubine started telling lies about you having favorites and being unfair, he mayhaps fought talked with him. 

“y-your majesty! we can’t do this here!” iwaizumi gasped, placing a shaky hand on your arm as you pressed him against the shelves of your private library

you chuckled and leaned against him, trailing kisses with your lips on his neck. you felt him shiver when you placed a wet kiss on his pulse while your hands groped and caressed his body through his thick kimono. 

“why not?~” you asked, biting his ear. iwaizumi gasped, his knees buckling a bit while he supported himself on the shelf. iwaizumi always tells you that you shouldn’t waste your time with him. he was so different from the usual concubines in your court. he wasn’t pretty nor delicate like them... but that what makes him so addicting to you. 

“i think you deserve a break, sweetie~ i heard all about your accomplishment in my court. may i say how impressed i am” you cooed and leaned a bit to face him. you looked him straight in his eyes making him a little shy at your unwavering gaze that was filled with adoration. 

iwaizumi closed his eyes tightly and hugged you, hiding his warm face in your neck. it was inappropriate to just hug the empress like this and normally, he wouldn’t do this but he just felt so much in the moment. 

he made you proud. you’re proud of him. it was all for you. you. 

iwaizumi heard you chuckled, feeling the light vibration through his clothes. he felt you lean away and he let you. you pressed your forehead against his, caressing his warm red cheek. “you worked hard, hajime” 

the man whimpered and pressed a hard and needy kiss on your lips as you hummed in approval. he let you guide him through the kiss as your tongue slithered in his cavern, playing with his tongue. 

god, you tasted so good. your lips felt heavenly against him. if he can, he’ll kiss you forever. 

your hand trailed up to his hair, massaging his scalp and he moaned into the kiss. you felt the hard nudge against your thigh which make you smirk, as much as you can while kissing. 

you then jutted your leg between his, your thigh pressing against his hard-on. iwaizumi gasped, holding onto you. 

he looked into you and he shivered when he saw your dark gaze as your eyes swirled with lust. 

before he can do anything, a voice called out from the door outside. “your highness? the court awaits for you in the throne room” 

you sighed in annoyance but slowly removed your body away from iwaizumi which made the male whine unconsciously at the lost of your heat. you smiled at him and held his face, swiping your thumb lightly against his pink lips. “i’ll see you later, sweets~” and went out of the library, leaving him alone in silence and with his thoughts. 

the male sighed.

hajime knows he can’t make you love him like he loves you but that’s okay. as long as he gets to be by your side, it’s okay. it really was okay... to be able to hold you was a miracle for him and he ended up loving you way too much. 

not many would remember him and his work in your court but he wishes something more than anything else.

when all of these moments pass and he’s all but a grain in the wide earth, he hopes that the world can remember how much he loved you. 

— matsukawa ♡

• mattsun doesn’t know how he got in your court tbh

• he was just lounging around his estate then his mother slammed his door open and told him he’s gonna be a concubine for the empress

• at first he doesn’t know what to feel cus a concubine? for the empress? him? fr? 

• though when he met you, you were kinda intimidating tbh. he was nervous because he knows the status of men in court and in society in general. 

• but when he found out that you were chill about it and actually cared about him well them? 

• he mayhaps softened

• mattsun is usually seen in the garden with makki, just talking shit about some desperate concubines they see around

• when you started visiting him in the palace he resides in with the other 3, he thought he was sick with how fast his heart was beating.

• he never really paid any attention to other women, finding them annoying with how boasty they get about their status whenever he’s in a match-making visit.

• but you talked to him like he was a human being, like you see him for him and not his status in society. 

• when mattsun gets comfortable, he’s very tease-y because he likes hearing you laugh. call him whipped but he doesn’t care. 

• he wants to see your bright eyes looking at him. him. just him. your smile sent towards his way. 

• when you consummated that one night for the first time, he got overwhelmed with the way you were soft and let him lead though still maintaining your aura of authority. 

• whenever he thinks about that night, the butterflies in his stomach starts again. mattsun would thank his mother right now if he can for letting him have the opportunity to meet you and to actually hold you. 

you chuckled when he started pecking your face with multiple kisses as his larger body pressed against yours, pinning you down in the soft and thick futon in his room in the palace. 

“still so clingy, issei~” you teased but the male only hummed with a small and warm smile on his lips while he continues to litter your face and neck with his kisses. you felt his warm hands touch your skin softly, the feeling of his soft hands on your body always made you feel a little softer. 

you reached up and held his face, squishing it so that his lips were all pouty. you laughed at his expression and kissed his lips. 

mattsun could feel it again. the butterflies in his stomach. the harsh beating of his heart. he hoped that you wouldn’t hear it. he wants to maintain this calm and apathetic that goes with the flow kind of vibe. 

if you knew how much he loved you, he doesn’t know what he would do. these feelings were too much for the young man. 

mattsun wants to be with you all the time, he wants to feel you all the time. to have and to hold you. 

when you released your hold on his face to run your fingers through his hair and massaging the back of his neck, he started kissing you deeper. 

he swiped his tongue on your bottom lip, asking for permission. you hummed and opened your mouth which he eagerly accepted. 

his hands then held your thighs, squeezing and fondling the thick meat. matsukawa groaned into the kiss when you wrapped your legs around his waist, making his groin press against your heat. at the small action, he started kissing you more feverishly, his hands touching every skin and starting to remove your kimono. 

so needy. desperate even. to touch you. to feel you again. to sink into the delusion that you two were two lovesick couple in your own small little world. 

you chuckled, albeit muffled by matsukawa’s lips still working against yours, you let your legs drop from his waist making him whine and break the kiss in confusion. 

“i thought we were finished and you’re letting me go back?” you teased, wrapping your arms around his neck loosely. issei rolled his eyes playfully, though he knows he shouldn’t but you just felt so familiar and you make him sp comfortable in your presence that it scared him a little because he does all sorts of things. 

“i am~ but you’re making it a little harder than usual, my empress” he teased back, bumping his nose against yours while his lazy smirk that you loved so much appeared in his lips. 

“am i?~” you bit back, replying with your own smirk. mattsun let his eyes drop and go to your lips. mesmerized by it. it was so red. so beautiful. so soft. so kissable. 

“well you have to let me go, issei. you hogged me for the whole day, needy~” you poked his cheek which he bit playfully making you chuckle. mattsun let go of your finger and placed a small kiss on it. “well, i am your favorite right? i have the right to take your time~” he teased again

“of course” you whispered, stroking his face. mattsun’s eyes softened at that and leaned closer to your hands. 

“i have to go, issei...” his lazy smirk wavered a bit at your words but he straightened it. fortunately for him, you didn’t noticed. 

mattsun nodded and sat up, letting you sit up too. you pressed a soft kiss on his lips and fixed your kimono and hair to look presentable as you leave. 

you stood up and was about to go out but a large hand held yours. you looked down at him and smiled, squeezing his hand before letting go and going out

he watched you exit his room, his heart clenching painfully. issei let out a shaky breath and held his forehead, chuckling pathetically. 

it was painful to see you come and go. it was his fault for feeling like this, not yours... it’s his fault for falling in love with you, the empress, when he’s just a mere concubine in your court.

he cursed and gripped his chest, where his heart was. 

he dreaded this and he knows that there would be a time where he’ll see a man by your side. and all he can do is wish that it was him that you chose.

— hanamaki ♡

• he’s a chill concubine

• makki just hangs around here and there, not minding any of the loud concubines when they’re in your palace. 

• he also doesn’t do anything to capture your attention but weirdly enough that made you intrigued

• his soft pink hair was always your favorite. you always tell him this that he had the prettiest hair you’ve seen. that it was so unique and whenever all of your concubines are in your court, you can spot him easily.

• makki being the middle child with two sisters mean that there was barely attention given to him in his household. 

• so the male wasn’t familiar with compliments and gets a little too shy when he receives it. and especially from you? the empress, the most powerful woman in the country? 

• his father brought him up when his mother took his sisters with her. 

• he remembers the muffled shout, “i don’t need a good for nothing male!” 

• hanamaki doesn’t really care anymore, deciding to isolate himself but his father was ambitious.

• his father pushed him to the empress, telling him to get ahead. that he can raise their status. he was the shining hope for the two of them. 

• makki didn’t know what to do when he first came to your court but you were there to ease his nerves though he’d admit he thought you were a guard from the way you dressed. you loved sneaking around, wearing different uniforms. though makki had his suspicions because there was no way a guard could look so beautiful..

• may the gods help him. he was falling in love with you. and fast. 

this was bad. really bad. but he can’t stop. not now. not now that he has experienced what it was like to be in your arms. to feel your lips against his. 

but the guilt was slowly eating him away. mattsun, his best friend, loved you and takahiro promised to help the former with you but here he was. warming your bed, stroking every skin he could touch. 

“what’s wrong, cherry blossom?” you asked, breath heavy from his actions. makki leaned his head against your thigh, looking at you. you’re so beautiful. 

your eyes half-lidded, chest heaving heavy pants from your previous orgasm as your red lips curled into a breathless smile.

you run your fingers through his hair, looking at him with confusion. makki let out an amused sigh and shook his head, pushing down any guilt that he felt. 

he doesn’t want to remember that. he doesn’t want to be reminded. right now he wants to focus on you. you. nothing else but loving you. 

“nothing, my queen” he hummed and leaned closer to your wet cunt again, tongue swiping against the puffy clit making you shiver at the sensitivity. you sighed, eyes rolling back to your skull as makki gently sucked and licked you. 

you gripped his hair, hips jutting against his mouth. makki hummed against you, his cock twitching excitedly, as his actions got faster when he saw that you were ready for more. oh, how he lives to please you. 

to see you come undone before his eyes was truly heavenly. 

but takahiro knew this was a bad idea. he didn’t want to do this to his best friend... he knew that issei loves you... but here he was, enjoying your every touch, every affection, and every moan your pretty lips releases. 

if he can redo everything and decline his father’s wishes and honor his friend’s feelings, he knows what he'll do... 

he would be here again and again, waiting for you. 

[henlex]

@bonknanab here's your taeho reading💕💖💕💖💕 get ready to be emotional

This is so long rip

P1harmony:

Theo🤝Keeho

Sun

Theo: Cancer, uwu. Protective sweethearts. That mom energy. But can be v protective of themselves too. That's the kind of the hard exterior you could see A Lot when he was first in camera, and the shy aurora even tho he's an extrovert. He's just trying to protect his soft self from the world. They really like to feel safe (kinda like taurus) they like to have a home that's secure so they tend to resist change. They can be pretty sentimental. They're guided by their emotions. They're pretty vulnerable and have a deep capacity for love. Very sensitive, can get hurt easily. Can be touchy, dependable and caring

Keeho: libra, air. Very sociable, just really love being with people. Very approachable. They really like balance but they can unintentionally cause problems because they spread themselves too thin. They really have good intentions but they could 100% lie to not create waves. Theyll kind of do anything to keep the peace. They can be pretty indirect/ hate confrontation, which can drive some people mad (🙋🏼‍♀️its me😂)Real masterful at avoiding things. They have high expectations and tend to compare things.

Moons

Theo- scorpio: I love this boy so much wow😭

He's and emotional boyyy. So he really likes emotional intensity. He feels things really deeply. They can really see through to the soul of a person. They unconsciously get uneasy when things are too calm/ easy and might seek emotional excitement/ drama. All or nothing. They dont want flings, they dont start things unless they'll finish them. Ok so they love commitment, they seek it ok, but they're also super cautious and suspicious of everyone. They tend to unintentionally test the people in their lives for loyalty...But after theyve committed they're incredibly loyal and protective😭Some people can be intimidated by them but others are drawn to them. They seem to just know things, crazy good intuition.

Keeho-Aqua, air. Unique, used to being different, shy kids. They're kind of detached and like to observe and try to understand others. So he has pretty strong barriers. They're pretty sociable but still have the heart of a loner☹. They really love letting other people know they're different and possibly shocking them. They brag about their loved ones uwu. General kindness towards others. Can be willful. The need a certain amount of freedom, and are pretty independent, at least emotionally.

Mercury

Theo- gemini, air. Scattered, eclectic interests. They have a basic knowledge of a lot of things. Quick learners, take in a lot from their environments. Can become restless. They can be very logical (but his water definitely adds the emotion and intuition) Very adaptable, not very attached to their ideals. Smooth talkers, possible deceptive humor (like poking at someones weakness, but lightheartedly) Good communicators and decision makers.

Keeho- libra....this boy is all air wtf. These people irk me because if you take a stance they automatically take the opposite "so it's equal"

Anyway they strive for that equality and diplomacy. Very pleasing communicators. They might be focused on trying to sound smart they forget to listen to the other person😂 They're gentle and adapt to others comfort levels. They are always looking for compromise, they hate absolutes in opinion. Great mediators (wow great leader) They can get lost in indecision because they weigh the good and bad almost endlessly. HELP it's hard for them to give a compliment without adding something 😂BOY. They try to make everyone happy. They tend to need other people to make a decision....but when they give input this mf will probably choose the other option💆🏼‍♀️

Venus

Theo- taurus- I want to give this boy a hugggg😭

So they need to be comfy. They need dependability in their relationships. Can be possessive in love. They're very touchy in their affection. They do hate change but they are incredibly dependable. To win them over you need to show your loyalty and show how much they mean to you. They can take a while to warm up but that's just because they're a slow/ cautious earth sign. Dont push them, but get comfy with them, do cozy things together. " Harmony and peace are important factors in the art and music they are attracted to." They really said harmony💖

Keeho- virgo, earth. Not flirty👀👀 pffft ok. Tries to win someone over with devotion and showing them a ton of attention. Cautious, slowly makes his way into their heart. Sensitive and insecure in love😭 They need to know feelings are mutual before they make a move..... Can childishly tease their crush💆🏼‍♀️ But they have good intentions. They arent attracted to show offs, they like understated, unnoticed people. These people love quietly helping and doing the little things. You'll win them over if you recognize their efforts, they just want to be appreciated.

Mars

Theo- sagittarius, fire.

When they feel attacked or threatened they have the need to run and just go do something else. Then they come back. It's really go for these people to be physically active, they need a healthy outlet. Can be pretty scattered, they just do what they want to in that moment which can mean leaving a ton of projects unfinished. Optimistic, fun loving. Love a good debate, but with his gem mercury I highly doubt it would get as heated as with a less flexible sign (like me). Passionate, open-minded, but can be blunt. Lol they can be confusing because they go from fun loving to intense. They need space and freedom, probably not a ton cuz he is a cancer, but like freedom to express himself. They have grand and idealistic ideas.

Skip S*x mentions: ok so doesnt have a lot of patience for anything too complex. Loves to have fun and laugh. Lowkey selfish. Can be very direct but almost innocently? Not a fan of people playing hard to get. They dont care for anything to serious in the bedroom (idk this might not be so true with his other placements, but the emotions probably come right after.

Keeho- cap, earth: this boy is v interesting.

Lowkey energy LOL. Very determined. Very goal oriented and focused. They like to be on top of everything. They have a lot of self control. They like to be in control. Really reliable, great leader.

*Straightforward and simple. Will want to keep it v private. They like when they're with someone who's experienced and powerful.

Messy thoughts

Ok but keeho would love theos mercury because hes unlikely to have extreme opinions and they're both very adaptable, I can imagine them getting into any serious arguments at all. I know keeho would annoy me so much but theo is probably totally fine. K- want to go to A ot B for dinner? T- B,  K- ok but what if we go to A. T- ya that's fine. Like wow🤝

Earth venuses😭😭😭😭 they're actually perfect dont touch me. Needs dependability/ wins you over with dependability. Perfection. They both play the long game, slow burn. Keeho literally is attracted to wall flowers goodbye. Just say theo is your soulmate and leave. Keeho called theo his love for a reasonnnn also theo fr didnt say anything cuz yes we are each others love.

They both need their own space

Ok so I think theo would really appreciate keeho non-confrontational self because theos pretty sensitive 😭

It's really looking like theo is the type of person to get lost in their emotions and keeho could really help pull him out of that and help him just chill? Have fun?

Ok sooooo their moons are not the bestttt. Cuz scorp is super emotional and deep and aqua is like... detached. Their emotional selves are very different. But also they could be so intrigued by each other, like trying to understand wtf is going on in their heads.

Ok but theo can 100% see passed keehos emotional barriers and like See him. And I feel like keeho might not have ever felt that before and😭😭😭 idk they could be really really close.

Keeho sounds so sweet and perfect for theo. Always making sure hes comfy😭

(They really both said keep it simple in the bedroom. Like damn ok, keep being a perfect match)

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

4/27/2022 DAB Chronological Transcription

1st Chronicles 6

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible Chronological. I'm China. It's so great to be here with you guys today on this 27th day of April. Ooh, today is a it's a joyful day. It's just also, when it's your daughter's first birthday, it's a little bittersweet. Like a week and a half ago. That's when Easter was a couple of days before Easter. I was just telling Ben my husband was like, this is her last first holiday. Now she's been here for all of them and it just went by so fast and it's bittersweet. So happy first birthday to my sweet little love, Reagan Brave. And there's actually been a nice third wedding anniversary, which I'm like only three years. It seems like so many more than that. So yes, she is our little anniversary baby, and after the reading, I will share Ragan's birth story. So I will let you know, if you are not interested in listening to it, that's totally fine, it doesn't hurt my feelings. Um, I've never shared it, I don't know too much that was shared last year, on this platform, or on the Daily Audio Bible. So if you are interested in hearing it, it will be there, if you're not, that's totally fine, I'll let you know when you can duck out if you don't want to hear it. But today we are continuing on in our journey in 1st Chronicles, we are in chapter 6. And for this week we are continuing on with the English Standard Version.

Commentary

So today as we read through all these different, their son's, and their pastureland's, uh you know it's easy to get lost in today's scripture and be like, who are these people? Didn't we already read their stories? What is this leading up to? Where are we going? Why is this important. And truthfully, these are people who played a vital role in where the stories were going. And yes, you might read names and be like, wait, I know that guy. Or wait, he must have been named after the first one. Or I've seen that name or not sure about that name. And really, it's reading Genealogies. And yes, you can definitely get lost in it. And it can be confusing. And it's also the written word of God. And these are the people who played a significant role, whether it was who did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, who followed with God, or who didn't and who didn't follow with the Lord. And we learn from their stories. And anytime that I read Genealogies and you're just kind of like, Yay, I really just take time to pray over our own families because we read multiple Genealogies, multiple ancestors. And I just think about all the ancestors that I can recall on both my mom and my dad's side. I can think of one generation of great. Like, I have my grandparents and then before them, their parents, I just know that one generation before them. So it would be my great grandparents, though I only met them. And so to even know, like, their name, their story. And without them, wouldn't be my grandparents, wouldn't be my parents, wouldn't be me, wouldn't be Reagan. And so I could read a story or a written linear of all the Hardens or all the Browns and even all the Parr's, which is my mom's side of the same. Like, I could read all of that. And I'd be like, man, I didn't even know these people. But yet without them, I wouldn't be here without their story, without there's one story that my grandpa always shared that held so much weight for me because I'm like, wow, if this had a different outcome, you wouldn't be here and then I wouldn't be here. And I'm grateful for this quick change in the story that happened. And so it's things like that that just make you grateful for your story. And I'm not naive to think not everyone's family history and family ancestors is healthy or things that you really want to think about or want to dig up and that you may need to sift and be guided through with the Lord. And I just know that the Lord has been with us. All these names that we read, the Lord was with them, and all the names that we could read in our stories from as many that we were introduced to, that we have memories with to the ones that we didn't get to meet, those ones, the Lord was with them. And when we asked the Lord, hey, will you come show me where you were in this he's faithful. It may not be exactly in that moment, and it may not be audibly or the way that we were expecting, but he will show us.

Prayer

And so, Lord, I just want to take this time to pray over our families, the ones that we currently have, the ones that we're believing for to carry on from us. Lord, would you just allow our bodies to be fruitful and to multiply? I just pray over our individual households. Lord, would you just bless us richly? Lord, would we know Your voice, know Your presence? May we be bright carriers of Your word and of Your presence may represent you and your son well. And Lord, I just thank you for all that has been before us and have brought us here, whether it's been in health or in some dysfunction and some things that need healing. I thank you that you are a God of healing and a God of restoration. And I thank you that we can trust Your hand and we can trust Your work. And Lord, we just submit ourselves, our lives, our history, our current and our future into your hands. And Lord, we just trust you. And so we thank you for Your word. It just is stirring up in us to just be in prayer for our family, for who has been what is now and who is to come. I just thank you for this time that we get to ask for blessings. And yes, Lord, we just thank you for Your presence. And it's in Your name we pray, amen.

Reagan’s Birth Story - Happy Birthday Reagan, and Happy anniversary Ben and China

And so, speaking of carrying on the next generation and carrying on our lineage, like I had said, today is my daughter's birthday. And these one, Reagan Brave Brown. Her name means the King's Brave daughter. And man, she's amazing. I love her. I love being her mom. So I just want to share her birth story. I'll try to do it brief, but no promises. Okay? It's a long story, but I'll share it in a way that maybe summarizes it a little bit. Well, yes. Three years ago today, Ben and I got married. And one year ago today, I delivered my beautiful, perfectly healthy baby girl the plan was a home birth. I had a midwife. I had a team of midwives that I absolutely love and adored still do. With that particular service that I had hired in order to keep licenses legal and to keep everybody's job protected, I could only go to 42 weeks. And then we had to start looking at some interventions. And so I was 41 and five, and we just started to have some conversations of what was this going to look like? And an option that I had discussed was that I was going to go into the hospital, I was going to get a dose of kind of like a stimulant of labor to get labor stimulated because I just wasn't progressing. And I couldn't even try some natural things to get labor going. I'll just kind of be discreet about that, just out of personal preference. But there's so much that I learned, like, the thing that I learned that releases labor is there's something in the baby's brain that gets released, the mom's brain that releases Oxytocin, and then you go into labor. And so literally the baby signals when you're ready to go. And so if the baby is not signaling that you can curb walk, you can eat spicy foods, you can try all the things. And trust me, I did them, like, seven different times, and her brain was not releasing what needed to be released. So I made the call to get that intervention done. And so we went to the hospital, monitored for a couple of hours. And then what was nice about it was I was able to be monitored for 4 hours as long as the baby was working. Well, I was going to go home and have a home birth. And so I went home. I was feeling very cramped, felt like this was going to work. And I went home. I was able to sleep. I realized now that was early labor. And so that was Sunday at 02:00 p.m.. And then I woke up Monday morning at 05:00 A.m.. I waking up, wasn't really sleeping. I woke up at, like, you know, when to sleep at, like, maybe ten or eleven. I was up at twelve, I was up at one, I was up at three. And then finally I was up at five, and I looked in up, and I said, I need help. I can't get through these anymore. I think it's time to call the duo. I think it's time to get up. Things are moving. And so I remember telling Ben, I want you to call Adela, and I want you to call my mom, tell her to come. And really, that's like, the last couple of things that I remember because I was transitioning out of early labor into active labor. And so a typical sign of that is just your eyes are closed and you're in the zone. And so I remember Ben trying to feed me yogurt, which I've always hated Yogurt. That's just funny to me because I was like, this is disgusting. I can't handle the consistency of this. Absolutely not. Remember my mom coming. I totally got there. And we were just trying all the different things, trying to keep me comfortable. I had front and back labor. I was getting really nauseous. I was getting really sick. I then was noticing how close my contractions were and how on top of them they were. And my dula was like, hey, we need to call the midwife. And so my midwife was about an hour away, and so we called her because my dula was like, I didn't realize this at the time. She was like, she's really close. I'm not sure if this midwife is going to get here. Like, we may be delivering this baby. She thought that I was in transition, getting ready to give birth, but I wasn't. I was pretty far away from it. And so kind of a bunch of details skipped. My midwife gets there, I can send it to a cervical check. She checks me. I'm out of three. And so I was like, okay, this is better. The last time I was checked, I was like, not even really a one. And so I'm progressing. This is exciting. This is somewhat good news, but, like, wow, this is intense. You just kept trying different things. If you've ever had a home birth, there are different things that you can try. And I wasn't letting up. My contractions started staying on top of each other. I was contracting for three or four minutes at a time, having about 10 seconds of a break, and then going right back into it. And I didn't take a birth class, which in hindsight, I maybe should have, but I didn't. And so I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know that contractions. There may be a pattern to them. They may not be everyone different, but that's what I was experiencing. I didn't know anything different, but I was having a hard time catching my breath. I was having a hard time breathing. When you're in active labor, you can be pretty vocal, which is just almost like a humming cry, like a groaning. And at one point, I just couldn't even stay low anymore. It was just like screaming, which is just not me. And so I said it one time. I was like, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I think I need to go to the hospital. And I don't want to apologize for being emotional, but this is one of the first times I've shared my birth story, because it's actually been really hard for me, because there's been actually just a lot of shame around the thing that I planned and that I couldn't do. That's just really hard for me. I'm a woman of my word, and I really tried to do that. Not being able to keep a word to myself was really hard. I said it once, like, I can't do this. I need pain relief. I remember looking at my midwife and asking her, do you have anything in your bag they can give me? And she just lovely. Looked me in the eyes and said, no, I don't, but let's go try to get in the bracing tub. That should help slow things down. It should really bring you relief. So I got up and was going in there, and I couldn't move again. If you've ever been in Labor, I didn't realize this, but if you move, you can contract more. And so every time I moved, I was not getting any breaks. And so if I moved, I just genuinely was not having any relief. No pause, nothing. And so I got one out very quickly, and I got in the birthing pool I was in there for, like, an hour and a half, maybe close to 2 hours, and I couldn't lean forward. I couldn't lean back. I genuinely couldn't do anything. I felt frozen. So I just sat, like, I literally couldn't move. I couldn't rock. There was nothing. Everything was so intense. I was having front and back labor. I was vomiting, and it just was so intense. And so, again, I just kept saying, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I want to go to the hospital. And every single time I was saying that, it just felt more real, and I was getting more serious about that. And so my birthing team at the time, I didn't know this. I didn't realize that they were like, we want to make sure that this is what you want, and if that's what you want, like, yes, we will give this to you, and let's try everything that we can. And so I didn't know that. I just thought that they weren't going to let me transfer. And so I just remember sitting in the tub thinking that I was going to die. I just genuinely remember being so afraid I was going to die, and I wouldn't even get to meet my baby. And I wasn't even in the head space of realizing that I was in labor and that my daughter was on her way. I was just being crushed by the pain. So I just remember Ben came to the side of the tub. He had been boiling water to put in the tub, because those things just don't stay very warm. I just looked him in the eyes, and I said, I need you to rescue me. I can't do this. I'm done. And my husband is very sweet, and he really sees me well. And he looked at me, and he said, okay, we'll go. And so i remember feeling very like, thank God. Thank God. I'm seen I'm rescued. I don't have to do this anymore. I need to go. And so I remember getting dressed and thinking ahead, I live 45 minutes away from the hospital. That is the backup hospital. And I'm going to have to sit in a car, and I'm going to sit upright, and it's eleven in the morning now, and there could be traffic. The hospital that I went to was downtown, and so you just never know. And it was a beautiful, sunny day, and I'd already had a bag packed, because the day before, I was in the hospital trying to get my body going into labor. And so we drove up to the hospital, and I just remember it being a very short drive, and the Lord was with me because I had actually somewhat of relief. And so I got transferred, and it was so just like the details that your brain remembers. I was there literally not even 24 hours ago and had an IV, and I think it was my right arm. My veins are bigger than my right arm. And so they were, like, trying to draw vital to make sure that something was in check so that I could have an epidural. And they just kept trying to stick me, and it just wasn't working. And I was like, for the love, please try my left hand. And so I tried my left hand, and finally it works. And I just was like, how long do I have to wait? I'm agonizing. I don't even have my eyes open. I have no idea where I'm at. And I just remember them saying, like, we have 30 minutes until we get your blood results back, and then we'll know that it's safe to get an epidural. And I just was like, okay, I'm just going to count my contractions. I'm going to try to stay breathing because I wasn't even vocal anymore. I was just leaving my body, like, genuinely. I remember being at home and leaving my body. At one point, I could see my body in the tub, like, I was on the ceiling. It was the weirdest thing ever. And so then the next thing I know, anesthesiologist he comes in, and he's like, are you my I think maybe, like, my code red or my code one or something. My level one. I was like, I have no idea what that means. And he's like, it means that you got put to the top of my list. And I was like, thank you. And I don't know why he said this, but he told me, like, I'm the best one in the middle of Tennessee. And I was like, wow, this is from the Lord, because I was really anxious about n epidural. I knew all the reasons why not to get one. And truthfully, I didn't want one. That's why I was doing home birth, and I wanted to go without it. And now I was here, and I gave consent, and he's telling me all the reasons that he's telling me, hey, these are potential things. You still okay with this? And I just remember being like, Lord, you're going to have to take care of me because I legitimately cannot do this. And so I administered the epidural literally. It did not feel like anything after the pain I had been through. And so it administered. It was working well. It was beautiful. And within, like ten minutes, all my contractions subsided, and it worked. And it was amazing. And then everything really shifted, and everything really transitioned in a way of where there was a tangible joy in the room. It was myself, Ben, my mom, and my midwife. She was able to be with us even in the midst of hospital restrictions at the time. What a crazy time to give birth. And from that moment on, everything really just. There was so much tangible joy. I just remember thinking like, the Lord is here, the presence of the Lord is here, and the joy of the Lord is here. And I remember my midwife looking in the eyes and telling me that your baby is going to be in your chest soon. And I just wept because I was like, I have not even been thinking about that. I've just been thinking about surviving because I couldn't do it. And it was so intense. And what I realize now is the intervention that I had, I just had a really bad reaction to. I didn't realize that there were side effects of it. And my body responded really intensely to it. And so in the midst of being in Labor, I was having a really bad reaction to the intervention, which was just making labor really intense. If you've ever had to be induced and you try to go naturally, it's brutal and it's intense. And my body was not able to do it. And I feel like there's a little bit of defeat in that because it's like I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it this way. But truthfully, there was nothing wrong with transferring to the hospital and getting a girl. And I remember laying in the bed and just telling my husband, like, I'm sorry that it's going to be expensive. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't do this, but I need this. That was just hard. That was hard for me, but it's just a surrendering of what I need you. I can't do this in my own strength. So I think that was really huge for me to feel rescued by the Lord in the midst of a plan and a route of birthing that I just didn't want to that I was not because of any pride or arrogance or anything like that. It's just a preference. And that was hard to quickly surrender and transition into. But it was beautiful. Reagan's heart rate never dropped. Her heart rate was so steady under all of the stress and the intensity, and everything that I wanted was there. After that point, I was able to bounce off all medical decisions, like, off my midwife and just try to figure out, I don't know what this means. Will you help me walk through this? What are the risks of this and all that fun stuff? So it was really nice to have her there. And I just remember praying and asking the Lord, I would really love some rest. I've not slept in like two days. And I remember asking the Lord, please just at least give me until this evening. And so Lord gave me, I don't know how many hours it was, but I got like over 8 hours of just relief and I was able to rest. And then at midnight the nurse came and checked me and was like, we're ready. And three short hours later I gave birth at 414 the morning of April 27, 2021. And Reagan came out and she was 8lbs 9oz. And she was beautiful and she was perfect. And they handed it to me and she was absolutely perfect and I couldn't believe it. And I got to hold my daughter. And I just remember all these strangers that I didn't meet before. They were part of the plan, they were part of the birthing team. I'm very grateful for them, but it was very different. I was anticipating being at home and being quiet and maybe like three people, but it was the whole team. But they placed her in my chest and it was perfect. And I just remember weeping and just thinking the Lord that she was here and she was perfect. It was over. Birth was over. So then that was like she was here, she was perfect. And we had our baby girl and was able to go home the next day and transition into a family of three. And so today we get to celebrate three years of marriage between Ben and I and a whole year of being a mom and figuring that out and learning surrender in the deepest, truest form and just celebrating her and her life and just how happy she is and her smile that melts anyone who sees her and her beautiful piercing blue eyes and her beautiful copper wispy hair and her porcelain skin, chunky little legs. And she's just perfect. She's the King's brave daughter and wouldn't have it any other way. And so you may be hearing the story and thinking like, that doesn't sound intense at all. It sounds like you had a great story and that's true. I did. I am very thankful for my story, but also it's hard for me because it wasn't what I anticipated and it wasn't what I planned for 42 weeks. So that was hard for me to transition and to transfer. But the thing that I'm most proud of myself for is asking for help when I needed it because that's not something I'm good at. And so I learned to ask for help and to stand by that decision from there. It was kind of intense. I had a lot of postpartum anxiety and had that honestly a good like eight months and just kind of feeling like things are regulated and life feels clear and cognitive and all of that good and beautiful stuff. So thank you for listening and being a part of that story with us. It's taken me a year to share and not feel so defeated. And if anything, I just definitely feel like I can see where the Lord was. That's why it's important to share stories when we're ready, because I believe that the Bible is true and it says we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. And so I don't know if that does anything for you in your heart. If not, then thank you for praying over Ray and I over my body. A lot of you have listened since before I was married. And then when I got married, then when I got pregnant and transitioned out of the Bible Chronological for a year and then coming back, just thank you for praying over us and your prayers were evident and the Lord was with us, and that is what I can look back and see. So that is the story of Reagan Brave. It's been a very sweet day and excited to enter into this second year of her life. But that's all for today. Thank you for listening. I'm China. I love you, and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer Line

Good morning, family. It's Ing from Denmark. I'm calling today to ask for you guys'prayers. I've done it a couple of times before, and I have been blessed to have been prayed for by several members of this beautiful community. I got this chronic nausea going on the 12th year. It is keeping me and preventing me from living my life the way that I think I'm meant to live it. I have a lot of boundaries caused by nausea. And in the quietness of my everyday life, I mean, I live with it. It is what it is. But I got a special day coming up on May 1. And I want to ask you all if you could pray that if God doesn't choose to just lift the nausea away once and for all, that he will give me a day off on May 1. My oldest daughter, Carmen was baptized when she was two months old, and obviously she doesn't remember. So we said yes on her behalf to her wanting to live her life with Christ. Now she's 13 and she wants to confirm that. So we have a ceremony at Church on May 1 where she will be confessing in front of God and the congregation, friends and family that she wants to walk her life holding Jesus by the hand. And I've been looking forward to that day for five years. And I feel so blessed that she chooses that she chooses God. And I am so scared that the nausea is going to be so severe that I won't be able to participate we're hosting quite a big celebration afterwards. A lot of planning goes into that and would you just pray that I would have a good day on May 1 thing?

Hey, DABC, this is my beloved four from San Diego. I hesitate probably calling in because usually I'm trying to just pray for everybody, but I think I really need prayer. My husband and I have been in Ministry for a lot of years and I think I'm feeling burnt out and so many of my friends have moved and left the Church that we serve in and I feel lonely and I don't really have any community and most of my super close friends have left and it's just very lonely so I just could use prayer for just to be encouraged in fighting the good fight and yeah, I just really appreciate the prayers. Thanks.