#we'll see how short my hair is by the end of the week. rip to all my split ends my

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Why would I schedule haircuts when I know that I can wander into my bathroom on a whim and cut off 10 inches of hair with a pair of fabric scissors?

[starlit-hopes-and-dreams]

Chapter 18 ~ The sweet torture of dreams

Hidden Depths

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Also on ao3

Genre: Fantasy whump

CW: ... *whispers angst* ... okay but its cute to start XD then uh, some nightmares of slicy stabby times, pretty short ones tbh, but uh, blood, blink and you'll miss it forced to watch, and a little knife to throat action

WC: 1965

In which things are going well for once! Except for... sleeping. Who needs that, though?

AN: This is the part where I confess my complete lack of knowledge in regards to lip reading aside from a very quick research session which mostly consisted of me talking to myself in the mirror 😅 So uh, keep that in mind and we'll all be good lol

With this chapter, we are up to date with where I am in my writing. While I did complete the bitch chapter (the one after this), I'm not happy with it yet, so I'm going to take a couple weeks to make sure that I am happy with it, because it's kinda pivotal to get these guys to where I want them to be. So, thank you in advance for your patience! <3

Resh

Like this? Resh asked, moving his hand through a series of motions that evidently meant something like ‘the way is clear’. Not exactly sure why he’d need to know that, but… 

Orla peered at him intently from across the table. “Two words?” she asked, a little uncertainly. “I think the first started with an ‘L’?”. 

Seated beside Orla, Carr repeated the sign for Resh, showing him which part he’d messed up while she finished chewing the chunk of bread she’d just ripped off. 

“Say it again, Resh, slower,” Carr said after she’d washed the mouthful down, grimacing at the taste of the ale. 

They were several days out from the capital now, and the towns and villages had grown few and far between. Their necessarily slow progress, due to the multiple stops they now took to preserve Carr’s sanity, meant sometimes they stayed in less than ideal accommodations, but Resh didn’t mind. 

Carr narrated the movements of his lips, coaching Orla on the sounds the letters made. “You got the la sound. Mostly, you aren’t gonna get the middle sounds, you gotta watch for the ones that make visible movements… Just the first word, now…” 

Resh obeyed, feeling a little silly. 

“See there, how his mouth made a kinda, uh, clacking motion? That’s a ka sound. So only two um, what did you call them?” 

“Consonants,” Orla chimed in. “So, a two-syllable word? Probably?” 

Carr gave his sister the side-eye at her use of the word syllable, and Resh suppressed a smile, not wanting Carr to think he was laughing at her. 

“Sure.” Carr drew out the word, eliciting a giggle from Orla. “So you have a word with two whatevers, begins with la and has a ka in the middle or at the end. Can you think of any words like that?” 

Orla hummed, stirring the thin, slightly oily soup in front of her. “Look, lick, like, lack, leak, luck, lurk–”

“Alright, alright, you know a lot, apparently.” Carr lifted her bowl, draining the rest of the broth, then wiped her mouth on her sleeve. 

“Now you gotta use some context, and like, get rid of some of those. Look has stuff in the middle that don’t fit the shapes Resh made with his mouth. And why would he be talkin ‘bout leeks? Nasty vegetable, if you ask me.” She wrinkled her nose, leveling a glare at the offending bowl. 

“Not that kind of leak!” Orla protested, and Resh started shaking with silent laughter. 

Carr passed a hand over her eyes. “Wouldn’t be talkin ‘bout that, either, fuckin shit, kid.” She had Resh repeat the words and the sign, which he did after looking longingly at his food. “He wants to know if he’s doing it right, which…” 

Resh made a small correction, smiling when Carr grinned at him. 

“Now he is. So–” 

“Like!” Orla shouted, causing the people further down the bench to swivel their heads in their direction. She hunched her shoulders. “Sorry.” 

“Yeah,” Carr said, ruffling her short curls.

Now that they were out of the capital, Orla seemed less self-conscious about the length of her hair, although that was likely inspired by Carr’s strangely appealing, self-cut hair. Resh wasn’t sure how the short, ragged lengths of red-gold resembled anything but a hack job done without using a mirror or giving a shit how it turned out (which was exactly the case), but somehow it worked for her.

They switched teaching roles now, Orla using his notebook to show her the letters that made the sounds Carr referred to, then the word like. Resh took the opportunity to eat, softening his bread in the lukewarm soup before taking a bite. 

Thankfully, no one in this town–if you could even call this place a town–had been a dick, so with any luck, Carr wouldn’t feel the need to kill anyone here. Not that he could blame her for the last incident, although before he’d learned about the serving girl, he’d been… unhappy that she’d gotten her hands dirty because he’d frozen. 

Unhappy. He almost snorted at the thought. Embarrassed, more like. But it helped his pride a bit that he could still haggle with the merchants and innkeepers. Most of the population was at least semi-literate, but on the occasions they weren’t, he had Orla translate for him, using gestures and expressions to express his intentions.    

All in all, aside from the difficulties at the start, this trip was going pretty well. 

Carr was acting more comfortable around him after their talk. She got along well with Orla. Resh dared to hope they might all be able to make a life together once they found a place to settle. 

A yawn cracked his jaw, and he reached to cover his mouth with his gloved hand. Managing to sleep more than an hour or two a night was… a problem, ensuring that he was perpetually tired these days. Carr shot him a knowing look before returning her attention to the notebook, her gaze flickering over the glove he’d put back on before they entered the inn. 

Resh scrunched his nose. He was working on the whole covering-up thing. It just didn’t seem worth it to invite questions in a place they wouldn’t be staying at for more than a night.  

~~~

The breeze the small window admitted to their room was barely enough to stir the stuffy, too-warm air inside. Cloud cover blocked the light of the stars and most of the moon’s silver glow. 

Resh stared into the darkness, hugging the thin blanket from his pallet on the floor to his chest. 

One of the girls mumbled in their sleep before settling back into the soft rhythms of sleep. 

He was so tired. But they were sharing a room. If he had a nightmare, he might wake someone; Carr most likely, as she was a light sleeper. Resh didn’t especially want her to see him like that again. 

Running travel scenarios and possible destinations through his mind didn’t much help distract from the occasional creak in the hall that made his heart jump or keep the shifting shadows from looking like ominous versions of… he yawned, his eyes drifting closed against his will. 

A knee dug sharply into his stomach, driving all the air from his lungs while abusing bruised muscle and mutilated skin. His fingers clenched around the chains stretching his arms out while Marcus took his sweet time carving another searing line into his flesh.  It hurt, but it was still better than other options. Resh clenched his jaw, trying not to give the bastard the satisfaction of hearing his pain.  The prince moved, which at least allowed Resh to breathe again. But the dagger moved too, dragging across his chest, his abdomen, crossing some of Marcus’ previous handiwork, leaving trails of blood and burning lines of pain that burst into bright sparks, shooting throughout his body.  He whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears as Marcus’ fingers replaced the bite of the blade, digging cruelly into lacerated flesh, trailing in such a familiar manner over Resh’s body that he wanted to claw what was left of his own skin off.  

Resh’s eyes snapped back open, and he drew in a sharp breath, curling his legs up to his chest. Not there not there not there. 

He wanted to get up, wanted to leave the room, go for a walk, do anything but lie there, but his body felt frozen. If he moved, that shadow over there would see him, would stop him, would… no, no it wouldn’t. That shadow was just a shadow. It couldn’t hurt him. He took another shuddering breath. 

Happy memories, maybe? If he thought about his childhood, maybe his dreams would reflect those memories instead. Resh pictured his father returning from a trade route, going over the ledgers with him while baby Orla crawled around, his mother cooking something that smelled fantastic in the other room. 

His heart stopped thumping so hard at least, no longer trying to leap from his chest. His eyes drifted closed again while he built a block tower for toddler Orla, listening to her tinkling laugh when he pretended to be a monster, knocking the blocks down with a clatter…

Marcus’ laughter was one of pure joy, layering over the small, whimpering cries of the person struggling beneath his blade. Resh tried to move, to stop him, only to find his arms chained to the wall, stretching his shoulders painfully as the links clattered, taunting him.  The prince finished slicing off the person’s clothes, leaving angry lines of red splitting pale flesh. A step to the side allowed Resh to see who was with him, and he lunged against the chains, over and over, when Carr’s tear-filled eyes met his own.  He cried out with her when Marcus set the tip of his blade against her side, slowly pushing it in–

Resh bolted upright, a scream lodged in his useless throat, his heart thrumming desperately as his eyes tried to penetrate the darkness. Where was she, where was he, where… 

A sharp intake of air cut through the oppressive silence, releasing on a soft, strangled sob, and he jerked his head to the side, barely making out a bed against the wall. 

Carr. 

Barely able to breathe through the tightness squeezing his chest, he scrambled for the bed, his hands encountering a soft, warm body shifting restlessly under the sheets. 

A soft, warm body that yelped, moving with blinding speed to pin him to the floor, the sharp edge of a blade nicking his throat.   

“Gimme one good reason I shouldn’t slit your fuckin throat,” Carr hissed. 

Resh didn’t dare move, and couldn’t give a reason, not out loud, anyway. His breaths sawed in and out, too loud in the quiet room. 

“Oh gods,” Carr gasped, finally recognizing him and withdrawing her dagger. “What the fuck, Resh? Coulda killed you.” 

She didn’t seem to notice the tear tracks glistening on her cheeks. Looked like he wasn’t the only one with nightmares, then. But where the fuck had that dagger come from? 

He sat up slowly, raising his hands palm up in front of his chest in a gesture he hoped she interpreted as an apology. The bagginess of her sleep clothes formed an odd silhouette, but as far as he could tell, they were free of blood. His breathing settled a bit, and he pressed his hand to the stinging cut under his jaw. 

“Too dark t’ fuckin talk to you,” Carr muttered, sounding irritated. “You have a nightmare?” 

At his nod, she raised a hand to her cheek, found the wetness lingering there. “Fuck,” she said, scrubbing her face. “You okay?” 

Resh couldn’t care less about himself right now. He pointed to her, tilting his head. 

“‘M fine,” she said, too quickly. 

Of course she was. He was starting to think she was just as fine as he was. 

Which was not fine at all, was it. 

“You wanna go back t’ sleep?” she asked. 

Fuck no. He shook his head, leaning against the wall under the window with a sigh. Carr moved to join him, her shoulder lightly brushing against his. He waited for her to pull away, but she didn’t. 

If anything, she moved closer, her warmth searing through the thin cloth of his nightshirt. 

“Your sister sleeps like a rock, huh,” she said, wrapping her arms around her knees. 

Resh snorted, the release of air loud enough to acknowledge her words. Orla could sleep through anything. A good thing, considering the current situation, he supposed. The band around his chest slowly loosened as they sat there, Carr’s presence at his side a continuous reassurance. 

It wasn’t the first time he’d dreamed she had been caught too.

Next

Image Description

[ID: The banner is a blue-green background, with tree branches arching over a set of blue-green eyes, forming an approximation of a face. The words Hidden Depths are written in white above the eyes. Any other images are purely decorative lines. end ID]

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched (and books I read) this Week # 143 (Year 3/Week 39):

Jules, E.T. for senior citizens. A simple (and simplistic) story about 79-year-old Ben Kingsley (with a head full of hair) and early onset dementia who discovers an alien ship in his back yard. More of a character study that sci-fi. It's nice to see a light movie about old people. 4/10.

🍿

2 documentaries from a 'different' New Yorker list, Richard Brody's '62 Films That Shaped the Art of Documentary Filmmaking':

🍿 The Lenny Bruce Performance Film (1967), more of an interesting historic document, than a funny-ha-ha stand up of the iconic rabble-rouser. His next-to-last live performance, at a small San Francisco cabaret hall, consists mostly of readings from the legal transcripts of his prosecutions. Paranoiac ramblings, strung on drugs, intense. Born 30 years too early.

🍿 A Plate of Sardines, (1997) a short Syrian poem about Quneitra, a city at the Golan Heights that was razed to the ground by the Israeli army in 1974. Disturbing (but not a very good).

🍿

The last film I saw in Israel, Tel Aviv on fire, only my 3rd Palestinian movie. It's an implausible story about a soap opera of a Palestinian spy who falls in lave with an Israeli general. Filmed in Ramallah, it is popular with Arabs and Jews alike. A low-level production assistant on the set becomes a writer, and is forced to use input for the plot from a soldier who mans the checkpoint he must drive through every day. An intriguing premise which predictably ends as a light soap opera itself.

I had a hard time with the more realistic parts of the movie, showing the oppressive humiliations that the Arabs have to go through every day, as they live "side by side" with the occupying soldiers. It's the first film I've seen that takes part on the eastern side of the border wall.

🍿

(Completely unplanned) 2 With minor character actor Guy Boyd:

🍿I've seen all but one of Charlie Kaufman's eight features, but I can't say I'm a big fan. His 'mysterious', unexplainable I'm Thinking Of Ending Things didn't win me over. Creepy Jesse Plemons brings his new girlfriend to meet his bizarre parents at their secluded farmhouse, and "nothing is what it seems" there. I liked the enigmatic ballet and "revelations" at the end, but the 'snowstorm from hell' and intellectual, unsympathetic characters turned me off. 3/10.

(From a list of '96 Best Thrillers')

🍿Body double, one of the old Brian De Palma Hitchcock homages, felt like one of the worst movies I ever saw. I know it wasn't, but it felt like it. 80's gratuitous "voyeurism", trashy prurient porn-parody, with a young Bill Maher-clone who can't act as the protagonist. Just horrible. 1/10.

🍿

2 X London gangsters action from the early 2000:

🍿Snatch, my first crime comedy by Guy Ritchie. All macho and bravado, bad accents and testosterone-fueled attitudes, wise cracks and brutal mayhem.

"In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary… come again?" 8/10.

🍿"Listen, I know it’s not your thing, but if you ever have to kill someone, never ever tell a living soul."

Layer cake, another highly-quotable story from the same source, with the same people and the same sensibilities. The film that helped Daniel Craig land the role of James Bond. Terrific entertainment all around with a shocking last scene. 8/10.

RIP, Michael Gambon!

🍿

7 more shorts:

🍿 Shall we kiss? (On s’embresse?), one of my favourite French shorts. (Video Above).

🍿 How to count a wolf, a short conservation documentary, about the process of tracking wolves across many seasons in Washington state.

🍿 Encarnación, a New Yorker documentary: A Ninety-Five-Year-Old Shares Her Secret to Happiness.

🍿Also, 4 more of Wes Anderson shorts:

Now that Netflix spent £500 million for Roald Dahl's works, we'll see many more of them. The swan, The rat catcher and Poison are 3 adaptations from his short stories. I've seen nearly all of Wes Anderson's films, features, shorts and commercial, and he is indeed a real 'auteur', but (Like Kaufman above), his work, except of small brilliant moments here and there, leave me cold.

Castello Cavalcanti is actually my favourite of today’s bunch. Another stylish Prada advertisement, a Fellini product placement, rustic Italy for nostalgic tourists.

🍿

Alice Kuypers’ Life on the Refrigerator Door, a British book about a 15-year-old and her single mother who discovers she has cancer. It features a unique 'hook'; The story unfolds 100% via a series of notes the two leave for each other in the kitchen. It’s a very light, 240 page / 40 minute read - 7/10.

🍿  

(My complete movie list is here)

[pedropascalssimp]

More then you'll ever know

Din djarin x fem reader

Summary: the reader and din have a hard to get along with relationship, mostly because her teasing and joke cracking nature. But one night din realizes he can't keep pushing his true feelings for reader aside.

Warnings: mild language. Fluff.

Since I said I'd write more for din. I gift you... DIN!!!!

*Not my gifs!*

If you had a coin for every time din wrecked his ship, you'd be a rich woman. He was a good pilot, he could maneuver his way through a canyon and manage to survive, but he was a little reckless. And whenever someone could easily go over that canyon, his mind never seen that ruote and instead takes the hardest path possible. Which is what left you, him, and little Grogu standing outside the razor crest while you chuckle at his pacing, hands on his hips while his visor was focused on the ground.

The planet he crash landed on was a icey cold snow planet, it was freezing out, and the fact the sun was long gone and replaced by the moon didn't help.

"oh c'mon din, I can fix this ship tomorrow morning... A slight delay to tython won't hurt our adventure" you try and reassure him, amusement thick in your voice. This little crash gave you the opportunity to further more tease him and his piloting skills, something he hated. But it was fun seeing him get all defensive over his flying, you'd even say cute.

"we can't stay out here, the ships inoperative. We'll freeze to death out here" he stresses, finally coming to a stop as he looks at you, then his gaze falling on the innocent little child that plays in the snow.

"before you crashed us all the way out here I thought I saw a town that way" you point in the direction where you had thought you seen a town while you spiraled out of control. Thankfully though the ship wasn't damaged to bad and no one was hurt. "we can rent a place to sleep tonight and I'll wake up early in the morning and fix the ship" you shrug while scooping Grogu up and taking his icey little hands in yours and warming them.

Din sighs, something he seemed to do a lot you've noticed ever since you started working for him. Not only did you serve as a mechanic and caretaker for Grogu, but also a skilled medic. It was no secret din loathed droids, sometimes he found himself struggling to patch his own self up when injured greatly, so he hired you to assist him in medical ways instead of seeking help from a med Droid. You helped him greatly in medical and mechanical ways, soon he found the child and you helped in nanny ways.

Din turns around, back facing you now as he looks towards where you said a town was. The sky just barely illuminated by the dim glow of lights from the civilization. Facing you once more now he walks closer through the snow, gloved thump stroking Grogu's cold cheek.

"it will be a long walk... Probably even a days time..." he trailed of in thought, taking his cape off in the process and handing it to you so you can wrap Grogu up. "we'd have to use my jetpack to make it there tonight" he sighed out, watching how you wrap the cape around the little one. Covering up his mouth and ears along with his little body. He was swaddled up snugly.

You grin at din, "you're just looking for an excuse to hold me aren't you Mando?" you tease him, loving how he always stuttered and got nervous. He always retaliated with a harsh comment or the silent treatment, brushing your harmless flirting off.

Oh how you fell hard for the man though, he was something special. He acted like the toughest bounty hunter in the galaxy, he was really, but once you got to know the man under the armor? He was a big sweetheart, a softie who was passionate about little things and protective over the ones he considered friends, the one's he loved. You grew feelings for him one particular night spent on Nevarro, he was meeting with karga, in a cantina. You had joined him of course because you needed a drink, once you was both in there this one man wouldn't leave you alone, flirting, eyeing you like he was a starved man and you was a feast, his hands shortly falling on the small of your back and trailing down lower much to your dismay.

Now you was a good fighter, but before you had the chance to break the man's wrist? Din had done it for you, grabbing the man's hand and twisting it, showing his vibroblade against the man's throat, "touch her again and I'll kill you" was what made the man flee without a word. Wrist broke. He offered you a nod and made you stay by his side. It had made you fall for him hard, the feelings only growing as time went on.

"I could always leave you out here to freeze" din shot back at your earlier comment, he said it more teasingly, a welcome surprise to you.

"like you could do that, I know under all that beskar you have a soft spot for me din" you smile at him innocently, Grogu smiling as if he agrees with you.

"for him maybe" din was blushing hard under the helmet, heart beating rapidly as if he was afraid. Truly he was, he feared that if he let himself love you like he so desperately wanted, you'd leave him, that the galaxy would rip you away from him like every one else he ever loved.

Perhaps that's why he put up the facade he wore good when you flirted with him, acting as if he couldn't stand you, as if he loathed your presence. If only you could see the way his brown eyes sparkle with wonder and longing when he watches you work or play with Grogu.

You scoff with a smile, acting as if his little retort didn't sting a little. "let's get going before we freeze to death then" you say, hating how your heart skips a beat at how close he stood now, shuffling in the snow to jerk you flush against his warm side. The beskar was ice cold though, making you gasp with a shiver.

"hold on to Grogu tightly" he warns, worried you'd drop him. You wrap him up in your right arm, holding him against your chest tightly, little green hands fisting your short tightly as he snuggled up against your chest.

Din wraps a arm around your waist, his other placing a gloved hand over your arm that held Grogu. "are you ready?" he asks, pulling you against him tightly. You felt a little nervous, not to fond of heights. Din noticed and chuckles. "don't worry mesh'la, I won't drop you... Maybe" he teased. Saying the nickname he gave you, you had yet to learn.

Snapping your head towards him with wide eye's you give him a fearful look, "maybe!?" you didn't get a response because he had already taken off, forcing a shriek from you and your arm to hold him tighter. Heart rapidly beating as you closed your eyes shut. You try and ignore how his touch sends a tingling warmth through your whole body, how you wished he'd hold you more....

Grogu squeaks out what sounds to be a laugh, his smile and wide eye's enjoying being high up like this, but once you open your eye's and look down, you knew you'd made a mistake. "oh no, no, no, no" you muttered, burying your face in din's neck.

"don't worry, we're almost at the town, I can see it" din reassures you, although he wanted to tease and poke fun at your silly fear like you do him most time's. He would never do such a thing to you, he hated how your small whimper tumbled from your lips. Soon though, you arrived at the town and he landed, only stumbled a little.

Practically clinging to him you refuse to let go, "are we on the ground?" you murmur, Grogu making a little sad noise upon the adventure in the sky ending.

"yes, you can let go now" he pulls you off of him and backs away. You open your eyes and sigh, happy to be on the ground again. Holding Grogu with both hands now, you walk with din to town.

The place wasn't that big, but it also wasn't small. There was markets, houses and one small place that looked like a cantina. The people all wore heavy duty clothes, prepared for the cold. But you wore a flimsy old t-shirt and cargo pants. You shiver while walking behind din, people giving you looks.

Din finally comes across a large building, entering the building you sigh at the slight warmth it provides. The room was near empty besides a fireplace and two chairs, a large door by the left wall. Behind a counter a older woman worked, Grey hair and aged face. She gives you and din a kind smile.

"hello! Are you looking to rent a room?" she asks. Din leans on the counter and nods.

"two rooms" he spoke with his stoic tone, the modulater making his voice sound deeper, more intimidating.

"I'm afraid there is only one room... We've gotten a lot of traveler's this week" the older woman said, watching how din sighs and his shoulders slump.

Were you really that annoying to be around? You shake the thought away and sigh, looking down at Grogu who let's his gaze flicker across the room curiously.

"I guess we'll take that one then" he huffed while sliding some credits across the table, soon taking the card to enter the room he just bought for the night.

He walks over to the door you spotted earlier and opens it with a swip of the card, leading you to a hallway full of various other doors. Following him he stops in front of a certain one, swiping the card as the whoosh was heard and the door slides open.

He sighs and flips the lights on, stopping instantly. His abrupt stop makes you walk into his back. "owe! You nearly made me fall" you snap and walk beside him, "why did you stop all the su -

"there's only one bed?" he spoke as if someone had just slapped him across the face, you look up and noticed that there was indeed, one bed.

"I can always sleep in the floor" you shrug and set Grogu down, letting him explore the room. He instantly crawls in bed though. "not anything new" you flash him a sarcastic smile. Referring to how din made you sleep in the floor of the crest during your early days of knowing him. Finally though he noticed how stiff and in pain you was and bought you a small cot to keep in the cargo area of the crest.

"I can take the floor, you sleep in the bed" he starts taking his cape from Grogu, tucking him into the large bed fit for almost three people as he folds the fabric up and sits in the floor.

Scoffing you stand before him with a hand on your hip, "like hell I'm letting you sleep in the floor, we can both obviously fit in the bed" you point out, not having a problem with sharing the bed with him. Not one problem at all in fact.

"like hell I'm sleeping beside you" he retorts coldly, his words striking you hard as your face fell. Turning away from him so he doesn't see his words sting, you shrug.

"I for one don't have a problem with sharing a bed, but if you want you're back hurting you tomorrow that's fine by me" you crawl into the bed after kicking your boots off, Grogu fast asleep already. Once under the covers you turn your back toward din.

Why he hated you so much was beyond you, but alas, he hates you.

You try and not let it bother you, but after a few minutes of silence you turn on your side to face him again. He wore his beskar still, it had to be uncomfortable. "do you always sleep in the armor?" you mutter while hoping he wasn't asleep.

"only whenever people are around" he grumbled while his visor falls on you. You knew he refused to show his face, something you always respected, but you hated for him to sleep uncomfortably because you....

"you can take it off din and sleep in the bed... I know how you're back hurts you, you old man" you joke lightly, knowing he was older then you. And although he hated how you always cracked jokes either with him or about him, he knew it was harmless teasing. So.... He sighs and stands up.

"I'm leaving the helmet on" he grunts while slowly taking his beskar off, gently setting it down neatly. You watch with a adoring look, mind to tired to realize you was doing so, but din saw it. The sight of your dazzling eyes practically glued to him making his face flush in a beautiful shade of red. But thank the maker beyond that he wore a helmet to hide it.

"okay but if you ever decide it's uncomfortable to sleep in you can trust me enough to take it off....I'd never look at you without it on y'know" you say while he now stood in his underclothes. A long sleeved black sweater and heavy duty pants. Taking his gloves off your eyes are met with the familiar tanned skin you loved, having seen his abdomen and arms bare before do to attending his wounds countless times. It seemed he wasn't only reckless when flying the razor crest, but aslo fighting a bounty apparently.

Din slowly walks shuffles over to the bed, almost shyly. Waiting for you to scoot to the other side. You do so after scooping Grogu up, being sure not to wake him as you placed him in the middle of the bed, him snuggling up to you in his sleep. Din crawls in bed shortly and makes himself comfortable under the covers, laid out on his back. His head though turns toward you.

"I know I can trust you, you haven't given me reason not to.... I just - I don't want to risk taking it off" he stuttered, you could easily detect he was indeed nervous. But why? You was determined to find out.

"I understand, I'm not pressuring you into taking it off" you giggle, subconsciously stroking Grogu's little hand.

"I know...." he whispers, his visor still on you as you looked at him with soft eye's. "I'm sorry if I've ever been... Harsh with you" he forced the words out, eye's locked on your own, the y/e/c eye's he'd always find himself lost in....

You was speechless, didn't know how to respond to his abrupt apology. It was unexpected, here you thought he hated you, found you to be nothing to him but a medic, mechanic, and caretaker for Grogu. Whereas you saw din as a friend, someone to rely on, someone to talk to whenever need be. Sure you teased him a lot and made some jokes up about little things he does, like being a big softie or cute when he plays with Grogu. You never meant no harm, but din always made it out that way, pushing you away or making harsh remarks whenever you had done so....

Blinking at him you let a soft grin tug at your lips, "you don't have to apologize, I know I'm a little irritating and a pain in the ass to be around" you shrug and look down at Grogu, heart full of love at the sight of his peaceful slumber.

"you're not that bad... Maybe a little bit of a pain in the ass" although he was hidden by the helmet, you could hear the smile in his voice. You chuckle quietly and look back up at him.

"you're something else din..." you whisper do to Grogu shifting around, rolling over towards din. His heart swells at how Grogu laid his little hand on his bicep, a smile on the little one's face as he slept.

"is that a good thing or bad thing?" din spoke just as quiet as you did, modulater making his voice even deeper as he whispers, a husky sound you found yourself hanging onto with a undeniable yearning. How you wish you could hear it without the helmet....

"it's a good thing, definitely a good thing" you smile up at him, the sight enough to make his heart flutter wildy. "you big softie" you murmur, unable to stop yourself from letting the words roll off your tongue.

"I'm not a softie, I'm a bounty hunter" he knew you didn't mean anything bad by the nickname you've given him. But he couldn't help the way it sometimes irked him, why? He didn't know. Because sometimes he saw what you meant when you called him a softie, deep down inside he knew it was slightly true.

"to the galaxy yes, but to him... You're a softie. You spoil him rotten din!" you laugh a little loudly but managed to stifle them. "you treat him as if he's the most fragile, precious cargo to ever be created, you always buy him little things whenever you come back from hunts, and you always let him cuddle you" you grin at him with so much fondness din's heart nearly beats out of his chest with how gorgeous you are, glowing with joy, smile as bright as any star he's ever seen. "you're a softie, no denying it"

"and you are definitely a pain in the ass" he chuckles and shakes his head, visor still looking over at you as he laid on his back. "but even though you can really get on my nerves...i do have a soft spot for you" he confessed, nervous all the sudden as his hands fiddle with the end of his long sleeve shirt.

The smile on your face widens into one of pure happiness, eye's staring at din with love. He knew you was fond of him, and he was quite smitten with you, but he was afraid.... Afraid of losing you, afraid of watching you leave him in more ways then one.

But he was done being afraid, he couldn't live another day without holding you close, staring into those eyes of yours he adores. He wanted to hold you forever, kiss you until his lungs beg him for air, love you for as long as you or the galaxy will let him. Because din djarin was didn't want to spend another day without doing any of these things again.

"I love you" he blurts out, desperately. His voice holding nothing but truth, he sits up in the bed, careful not to wake Grogu as he does so, back pressed against the headboard while he only looks down at you with love. "I - I love you so much...." his voice cracks at the end as he stuttered.

You sit up fast, smile morphing into a more dazed gap, like a fish who was taken out of water. "din... I love you too. I've -

"Im so sorry I pushed you away and would always give you the cold shoulder but dank farrik y/n I can't go another day without saying it.... I love you" he rushed out, cutting your words off.

Tears fill your eye's, ones of joy, happiness. Heart overflowing with love for him. You smile so wide it hurts as you can see how nervous he has become. You gently grab his hand to stop his fidgeting, placing a kiss to each of his fingers. The act sends electricity through his veins, warmth over his whole being as his heart swells at the softness of your lips against his skin.

"I love you din... I always have, ever since you had asked me to work for you, I love you so damn much" you laugh breathlessly, tears threatening to fall.

"you and him" he nods down at Grogu, "are the only things in this galaxy that mean more to me then anyone could ever know...." he muttered, taking his hand out of your own, your eye's widen as you see him place both hands on his helmet, ready to take it off. Upon reflex, you screw your eyes shut, making din feel a wave of affection wash over him knowing you had so much respect for him. "open you're eye's" he said, but it sounded so much more different, much more richer and real.

Reluctantly, you open your eye's. Heart skipping a beat at the sight before you, two brown eye's full of love staring back at you, glossy. His dark hair a mess as his scruffy face was one purely adorable, handsome nose and charming jaw. Maker was din djarin a beautiful, handsome man. You slowly crawl more towards him, sitting in his lap, being sure not to disturb Grogu as you gently trace every detail of his face, starting at the few lines on his forehead, down his gorgeous nose, giggling once you find your fingertips brush against his mustache. He smiles, revealing his dimples. You smile up into his brown eyes and can't resist anymore.

You press a firm but gentle kiss on his lips, soft and warm as you always imagined them to be. Your palms press flush against his cheeks, scruffy little patches of hair tickling them. Din's hand lands on the nape of your neck as his other finds purchase on your hip. His eyes fluttering shut as his nose bumbs against yours. This kiss was perfect, as if it was the seal to your and his fate. You never wanted to live without him by your side. Hesitantly, you pull away from his soft lips, giggling whenever he chases your own.

"you are the most handsome man in the galaxy din" you breathlessly say, his eye's sparkling. It's then you noticed the golden specks, amber swirls amongst the brown of his gorgeous eyes

"I'm not much of a sight cyar'ika" he strokes your cheek with his thumb, so much affection swimming in his eye's. His soft smile bringing out his dimples again, he was truly something special....

"you're more then a sight din... You're more beautiful then anything else in the galaxy" you say, running a hand through his hair, fingers lightly scratching at his scalp. He relaxes with a content sigh.

"you're the beautiful one here" he smiles up at you adorably, your heart fluttering. You lean your forehead on his and grin. "i love you..." he whispers in his husky deep voice you couldn't ever tire of.

"I love you more" you say back while placing a kiss atop his nose. He scrunched his face up and chuckles at you, the sound even more beautiful now that it came out natural. "but we better get sleep since I've got a long day of mechanic work tomorrow, because a certain brown eyed beauty is a reckless flyer" you poke his cheek while crawling out of his lap, crawling back into your spot in the bed.

Din scoffs before scooting closer, his forehead nearly touching yours now as you both placed your hands on Grogu gently. "I'm a good pilot, you have to admit it" he grins at you, loving how you roll your eye's at him.

"I know you're a good pilot, but you're reckless din... No denying it" you kiss his nose again making him sigh dreamily, "I love you're nose..." you yawn, smiling at him afterwards with a sleepy grin.

"I've noticed, if you don't stop kissing it I'm gonna put the helmet back on" he jokes while he yawns himself now, eye's drooping as sleep crept up on him slowly.

"oh, do you want me to stop kissing you?" you say with your usual teasing tone.

"no! I'm not saying that" he instantly said, almost to loud. You laugh at his reaction and shake your head.

"I was joking din... I'd never stop kissing you" you peck his lips, pulling away to quick for his liking. But he watches as your eyes slowly flutter shut, no matter how hard you tried to keep them open.

This was exactly what din wanted, his little family in his arms. He smiles down at Grogu who snores lightly and then looks to you, who slept peacefully now. He was beyond lucky to have both of you, and he'd do whatever it takes to keep you both safe, because he loved you both more then anyone would ever know...

___________________________________________

[all-about-seggs]

Ardent Affections :

Pairing : Timeskip + Virgin! Sakusa Kiyoomi x Female reader

Rating : 18+, Explicit

Word count : 3k

Warnings : Smut and fluff (and holy shit I ended up including a bit of angst) , Loss of virginity, blow job, fingering, vaginal sex, established relationships.

A/n: I prefer dirtier side of Smuts but this was as far as I could go with Saku sooooo I hope my fluffy smut isn't cringey >.<.

Putting the plum filled onigiri in the clean plastic container, you give it another look over to make sure it's tidy enough, afterall, the person you made this for was nothing if not picky. But, you also knew he loved umeboshi, so after a few successful weeks of your relationship with Sakusa, you went ahead and bought more than enough dried plums to practice making something he won't be able to refuse. It didn't take long to reach the gym he was practicing at, with lunch time approaching, he'd be on his break too, giving you the perfect chance to have some alone time.

One would think, that no boyfriend would refuse their significant other's cooking but falling in love with him as well as dating him made you realise it wasn't the status quo. He was, at the very least, peculiar. Always on his own, Sakusa never felt the need to be involved with a lot of people, ironical as it may be for someone who played a team sport, his idiosyncrasies made it hard for most people to get close to him. That's why the sight of a cluster of high shool girls flocking your boyfriend, to give him their handmade goods was comical yet unsettling.

It wasn't something you got jealous at, but it's something that made you second guess yourself instead, whenever the thought of making him something pooped in your head, this same scene played infront of your eyes. Sakusa surrounded by a bunch of girls with heart eyes, wanting to give him stuff. On the verge of losing his polite demeanor, Sakusa almost gave them a taste of his blunt indifference if it weren't for some faculty member intervening. Today was the same.

With the perfect excuse, he pulled himself away from the group and sauntered towards you, eye twitching with a look that screamed ' I saw you having fun on my expense'. You quickly pulled yourself out of the gloomy thoughts and greeted him with your regular smile.

" I didn't wanted to disturb your fan meet", the cheeky tone in your voice added to his annoyance.

" I assure you that you didn't, besides you know I don't like hand made stuff ", he grumbled, voice carrying the regular icky note you were used to but it caused the dull ache in your heart grew. Before you could answer, you saw Bokuto running towards your direction, making you jump with his boisterous greeting,

" HEY! Y/n chan!... Are you gonna join us for lunch as well ?", The look in his face was as cute as his voice which was cutoff by Sakusa's cold one,

" No. I don't like the places you go to eat. Also, I'm done for today so we have no reason to stay.", Curt and to the point, Sakusa answered him and gestured you with his eyes to follow him instead.

" Geez, it's like he can never let loose!, Y/n chan! You should ask him to open up more!", pouting, the energetic male glared at Sakusa's retreating form.

"Ummm, Sorry Bokuto! He still doesn't know how to..... People? I guess? But he's trying! I know he is! So don't worry... We'll catch up with you guys sometime else okay?", With a slight bow, you trailed after your boyfriend, leaving a deflated Bokuto behind.

As you walked behind him, you thought about the first time the both of you met, he didn't even looked at you properly before leaving just like he was right now, about how you had to put your feelings out in the open first so that he'd finally notice them, how, for the last few days your garbage can only had dozens of messed up onigiri, and how the lunch you packed was getting colder by the minute as it layed still in your bag.

You were lost in thought for the rest of the way, he wasn't one to talk much but your constant silence was not something that often happened. Still not being used to initiating small talks, all he could do was gaze at the dazed look on your face.

The two of you made your way back to his apartment that the sports facility provided the players. You had been here a couple of times before but never long enough to actually call it 'staying over'.

" Why are we at your place?", You quietly ask, making him pause before speaking.

" I did say I was done with practice for the day", opening the front door he ushered you in. It was unsurprisingly neat, the entrance not having any useless items, infact everything in his place had a purpose or use.

It was a big step, him letting anyone in his personal space, considering his high maintenance personality you thought he'd dip you in a bucket of sanitizer everyday but he was a lot more chill when you both take your respective baths. He still goes in first.

The moment you stepped outside the bathroom, you saw a nervous looking Sakusa was sitting on the edge of his bed.

" Did you really wanted to have lunch with those guys?", His abrupt question caught you off guard, so apparently he took your silencein the wrong way, but it still warmed your heart to know he noticed and cared enough to talk about it, albeit clumsily.

" Is that why you think I was quite on our way here?", The reply you gave made him avert his eyes, whether it was out of embarrassment or the awkwardness in the room, it didn't change the fact that your sudden change in behaviour was noted by your boyfriend.

" If you have something to say, then I want you to tell me, I'm afraid I won't know otherwise", Sakusa added, finally looking at you with his deadpan yet sharp look.

He was right, every couple needs to have proper communication in order for their relationship to succeed, so with that in mind you decided to tell him about what's bothering you.

Walking over to his side, you sat next to him,

" I made you lunch today, but when I saw you rejecting your fans gifts saying you don't like handmade stuff, it- bothered me.", Your reasoning might've been a little selfish, it's not like you wanted to force anything on him just because you were his girlfriend but the fear of getting rejected always made you hold back on so many things.

" So I didn't give it to you, and then I just started having a trail of depressing thoughts about how maybe I'm the only one who wants anything from this relationship, I mean we haven't even done anything more than kissing Kiyoomi.", To you, this confession was nothing more than the frustrations you've built up. He was silently listening as you went on, not interrupting until you were done.

" I see....", His soft baritone was laced I'm regret as he brought his hands to you head, gently combing the strands, " I'm sorry, I made you feel that way, it's obvious that both of us need to work on our communication skills but there is one thing you got wrong", saying that, his hand combing you hair pushed you forward until you were right in front of his glossy lips,

" It should go without saying that I wouldn't let you in here if I didn't loved you, and you wouldn't be in this bed either if I didn't wanted you.", By the end of his sentence, his hot mouth covered your in a demonically passionate kiss which was all teeth and tongue. It was probably your longest kiss as well, making you grip his shoulders so hard it would've probably left marks if it weren't for his taut musculature. You pressed you hands on his sculpted chest, feeling his nipples harden as you slowly run you thumbs over them. Sakusa pulled away from you to catch a few breaths, his lips shining with your mixed saliva.

" I've never done this before......", hesitation crossed his eyes which soon melted into a look of determination as he brought his face near yours.

"But if it's with you, I know I'll like it", he panted, pulling you on his lap to continue his ministrations from a more closer proximity. The uncharacteristically deep kiss encouraged your hands to roam around more, to feel all of his ripped form through the fabric of his thin shirt. Your hand grazed his crotch, this contact alone was enough to make him twitch, his virginity showing, the blush on his cheeks spreaded all the way to his neck.

The front of his shorts looked so strained,It was painfully clear how much his cock was begging for attention, so you pushed Sakusa back until he was lying flat on the bed, feet still on the floor. Searching his eyes for any objections, you pulled his waistband down to reveal his bulging member. It suited a big guy like him, his thick cock felt so hot and heavy in you hand it took everything in you to stop yourself from jumping on it right away.

" Hggg... Wait... It's-", his voiced carried more embarrassment than discomfort but you stopped nonetheless.

" Dirty?.....is that what you want to say?", questioningly, you looked at him from between his legs as he nodded.

" Well sex is better dirty but, I'll try not to make a mess okay?", With a wink you grabbed his shaft with one hand and took his tip in your mouth. The warm, wet insides of your mouth touching the sensitive head of his cock made him shudder in pleasure but he didn't make more than a hum. Maybe your boyfriend was still embarrassed but now that you finally get to go down on him, you made it a personal goal to hear his moans.

Detemined to hear his beautiful whimpers, you added pressure on his member through your tongue as you moved your lips up and down, swallowing him as much as you could. Droll dripping from the side of your mouth and his precum gave you enough lubrication to increase you pace, going harder and harder until you felt your teeth make contact with his sensitive shaft, that must've hurt, you thought but atleast it got a reaction out of him.

" AH-.....mmmhh Y/n damnit.....you're doing it too roughly", you heard him complain from above you,

" I just rough housed you a little..... Anyway, you can't blame a girl who's been abstaining herself from fucking her hot boyfriend ", with a pop you pulled him out of your mouth and looked up at the wide eyed Sakusa with an uncharacteristic boldness that even surprised you. Maybe it was because of the situation or because you two had a heart to heart conversation about your feelings just now but you felt oddly comfortable with him more than you ever did before. You knew he loved you enough to put up with anything you'd throw at him at his point, so why not push your luck?

"......well aren't you a vulgar little girl", regaining his composure, Sakusa propped himself on his elbows to give you his trademark deadpan look. You squeeze his balls teasingly in an attempt to rile him up further, his face contorts a little before he shoots you a glare.

" I'm going to make you regret that", with nothing more than a growl he grabbed your hand to make lie face down beside him, for a second you thought he'd spank you, but the moment you raised you head from the mattress to see what's going on, a big hand was on your head pushing your face down again, his other hand ghosting over the hem of your t-shirt.

" It's my turn now, so you better behave", emphasizing the behave he first pulled your shirt off of your shoulders, then swiftly getting rid of your pants. This was an interesting turn of event, just a moment ago your virgin boyfriend was squirming like a pathetic little boy but with just a little teasing made him switch into daddy mode, you'd be lying if you said it wasn't thrilling.

You laid there stark naked as you heard a few rustling sounds coming from behind, indicating Sakusa taking his cloths off. His long, deft fingers grabbed your hips, raising them a slightly off the surface of the mattress, the digits of his right hand crept near your dripping core as if wondering if he should touch you or not, you moved your hips closer so you could feel his touch but he retreated his hand, only to pinch one of your butt cheek. The tease.

" If you're expecting me to eat you out too then keep dreaming..... but since I made you wait so long, I'll give you something else today", his matter of fact tone was even as he traced two long fingers up your slit taking in all of your juices, he pushed them inside your aching pussy. His thick digits rubbing your walls made you moan in the pillow, with his thumb he started rubbing your engorged clit. His actions were not exactly gentle but you didn't wanted them to be either, you wanted him to pound you into the mattress so bad but maybe it was asking too much from someone inexperienced.

" You like this right?", It wasn't exactly a question, as his increased his speed, with his free hand he pinched your ass again leaving small red marks in the fleshy patch of skin. Your first orgasm in so many weeks approached you with an intense force, making you buck you hips in Sakusa's hand. Just as your pussy started clenching around the fingers that was inside it, he withdrew his hand leaving you with a strange sense of emptiness.

" Not so fast y/n, it's more efficient it we cum together, besides I know you want more than just my fingers", his voice carrying the cockiness of someone far more experienced but you can't complain, for both his actions and words were easily bringing you closer to the edge. Ignoring the stickiness of his fingers he lightly massaged your butt cheeks before kneeling right behind them. The sight of your flushed, naked body was enough to get him going, something that he dare not admit.

From the corner of your eye, you saw him opening his bedside drawer to retrieve a condom. Well, atleast one of you were prepared for this, just as he finished putting on the thin protection, he asked you,

" I'm putting it in y/n", he didn't make it sound like a question but it wasn't until you nodded in approval, that he moved. Groaning lightly, Sakusa entered you inch by inch, making the process as slow as possible so could clearly feel the delicious stretch his thick cock provided. You were already panting by the time he bottomed out in you, as he started moving his hips you rolled yours to match his pace, creating a steady rhythm.

Both your pants and body were in sync, building up pleasure that soon reached its peak, the roll of your hips and the sound of his name from your mouth urged him to take a hold of your hips and drive his pulsating member further into your cunt. He felt your walls clenching around him when your body experienced the well awaited orgasm, quivering beneath him like. The sudden pressure added on to his cock made your boyfriend follow right after. The both of you were still riding your high when he lowered his torso on to your back, sweat slicked bodies on top of each other, you wondered what kind of face he would be making right about now. Hoping it wasn't one of disgust, you turned your face to the side, his endearing curls tickling your ears as he kept his nose buried in the nape of your neck.

There was a serene quality to the room where the two of you laid still until Sakusa got up abruptly, you knew that it was bath time even before he uttered anything.

" Let's eat", his soft voice seemed almost like a whisper which was confusing and astonishing at the same time when he tossed one towel to you and quickly wiped himself with the other.

Making quick work of the cleaning, you both went to the living room where you pulled out the bento box from your bag. It felt cold against your hand but this time it didn't make you sad because now you were sure that the person next to you wouldn't reject it.

Opening the box, you noticed they got a little crushed, probably because of you tossing your bag aside dejectedly when you first arrived, the previously well made onigiri lost their original shape but you hoped they tasted the same.

Gingerly showing him the box you thought about quickly explaining it's condition and telling him about how you made it in the most hygienic way possible for a human but the words died in your mouth when Sakusa briskly took one piece out and munched on the distorted rice ball. You watched him chew, waiting became too nerve-racking so you blurted, " How is it Kiyoomi?!", Talk about putting pressure on a guy but it didn't deter him from telling you the truth.

" It's good", the simple reply he gave was the best, you thought, his words were never grandiose, just to the point that's what made you believe them everytime he decides to be honest with you.

"Next time...", He mumbled in between his increasing breaths and tinted cheeks,"Lets make it together".

[trueshellz]

@regs09

I hope this is okay! I tried to show her as helpful as possible but a little sparky too. They're not all the same length but I tried to use different scenarios too.

Kuroo

The first time he saw you, you were surrounded by 2nd years pestering you for your phone number and he truly felt sorry for those guys. You couldn’t have had a bigger ‘fuck off’ face even if you tried. As he walked over, he was getting ready to set them straight when he overheard you.

“If you don’t get away from me in the next 10 seconds, I will rearrange your face.”

He’d never seen boys run away apologising so fast in his life, his signature laugh being heard by everyone, even Kenma gave him a WTF look as they walked together down the corridor.

“Oya? You seemed to have put them right in their place.”

Still annoyed at the situation, you whirled around and glared at him, hands placed on your hips. You knew Kuroo Tetsuro, everyone knew Kuroo Tetsuro. Third year, Nekoma volleyball captain, signature smile and absolute flirt.

“You wanna go as well, pretty boy?” You huffed as he held his hands up in mock surrender, grin wide across his face.

“Woah there, sparky. I was coming over to help you.”

Hiking your bag up your shoulder, you purposely walked between him and Kenma. “I didn’t need your help.”

The second time he saw you, he was grabbing a book from the library and he saw you sat with one of the 1st year girls. Exam week was around the corner so the library was busier than usual, he could see some of his teammates in the back too, knowing full well if they failed exams they could be pulled from the upcoming games.

He could see the girl was stressed out from the way she was flailing her arms, her face red as she pointed at her books. He saw you smile as you leaned over, pointing to something before taking out a mini whiteboard and pen from you bag. You giggled as she held her arms up in the air, she must have got the answer right. He was momentarily stunned by your change in demeanor and he could feel himself smile as you clapped for your student.

When you were dating, Kuroo was more than aware of how people perceived you. He had the same issue to some extent, being perceived as a harsh captain with a scheming personality meant some students were often scared to approach him. But when you were alone, you would often curl up to him on the sofa and often acted cute in front of him especially when he came home after a game to help cheer him up. Packing bento boxes for his lunches with cute cut out fruit and animal shaped onigiri and leaving cute notes in his bags and books.

You would always come near the end of Nekoma practice matches with drinks or healthy snacks for his team, who loved you for this reason. Yamamoto more so than the rest, a huge flirt who tried to hug attack you every time only to get yelled at by your boyfriend and given clean up duties as punishment.

"Tetsu, he just wants a hug."

He mock pouted as he looked at you, his lip stuck out almost comically. "Those hugs are mine, he can't have any."

The manager and you got along well too, you would help them by sweeping up after the boys or tidying away the equipment. A few times you helped Lev out when he tore his uniform falling over or tripping on his long legs as he got used to playing volleyball. He would feel so bad too, looking at you like a lost puppy as you sewed up his hem or patched a hole he had in his shorts or t shirt. The one time he managed to rip the stitching of his t shirt up to his arm pit when he skidded across the floor trying to save the ball. Needless to say, it didn't end well and you were glad you had taken to carrying a sewing kit with you when you went to watch them practice.

"I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine, Lev. Don't worry about it."

Kuroo knew the saying: Don't judge a book by it's cover, but he didn't realise how true it was until he met you. He could have missed out on one of the best people in his life.

Bokuto

Bokuto was known for having a cheery outlook on life, yes he had his emo moments but it took a lot to get him down generally. But you always baffled him, whenever he saw you it seemed as though you were angry or annoyed. In class, no matter the task or who you worked with, you looked fed up. After school when you were walking home, you seemed frustrated. At lunchtime, you sat with friends but you seemed like you'd had enough. You were a conundrum to him.

After school one day, he was walking towards the local shop to grab some snacks and he saw you crouching on the ground, your face was a mixture of awe and sadness as you looked at a box on the ground. As he neared you, he could hear small whines and the scratching against the box and when he peered over your shoulder he could see some puppies in the box.

"Someone left them here alone?"

You jumped as you heard his voice, looking up to see him standing over you, he had his bag slung on his shoulder and was still dressed in his volleyball gear. You'd seen him around school, he sat on the opposite side of the classroom to you so you never worked together. You knew he was the captain of the school's volleyball team but didn't know much else about him.

"Yeah, it's so cruel. They're only babies too."

And that was how you two became started friends and eventually dating, bonding over your love for animals and disdain for the situation. He accompanied you to the local animal shelter where you dropped the puppies off, not being able to take them home. He was enthralled by your change in demeanor, you would always smile at him and act a lot more animated. You would help Akaashi get him out of his funk when he had a bad day or one of his moves didn't go to plan. He had taken to buying you the famous octopus plushie too and would use it to gauge your mood, you found it hilarious. If you were sad or angry, he would come bearing snacks or gifts and if you were happy, he knew he was able to hug attack you and smother you in kisses.

Attending every game, you would always dress in his team number and cheer the loudest for him. After school, you would help him unwind, either spending time giving him a massage or just cuddling on the sofa together. You would lay on him, arms and legs intertwined as you watched television or playing with hair as his head was in your lap. Even going as far to sometimes climb into the front of his hoodie so you would be skin to skin with him. You loved the feel of his heartbeat against your ears and his breathing would calm you. You spent more time in his lap, head buried in his neck than sat alone as you lived feeling his body heat against you. Thankfully, Koutaro didn't mind, he loved the attention and having you close to him.

Who knew such a angry little bean would become such a cute little sloth?

Osamu

Every weekend like clockwork at lunchtime, you would walk in and order 2 meals. One to eat at the time and one to pick up at the end of your meal and take away. You always sat in the corner by yourself, flicking through your phone. You weren't rude or anything, but you had an aura of 'leave me alone' or else which usually kept people away from you. As Osamu watched, he couldn't help but wonder about you and your background.

He tried talking to you first, but apart from polite conversation you didn't seem to want to talk to him. He tried broaching lots of subjects but you just gave minimal answers. He was quite frustrated to say the least, Atsumu didn't help with his idea either. They just seemed to be annoying or potentially harassing, neither a great choice.

It was the end of the day when he was packing away, you had just left the restaurant and Osamu was packing all the left over food in boxes to give to the homeless people around the restaurant. He didn't like wasting food, not being one to be ungrateful and decided early on to donate it to those who were less fortunate. Carrying the snack packs, he started his usual journey down the roads and handing his packages out to anyone who was in need.

As he rounded the corner, he saw you leaning down speaking to an elderly lady who had a small child. She looked tired, her cheeks red from exhaustion and cold, the child looking equally cold in this weather too. They had been selling fruit from what he could see and he stared in fascination as you not only bought their remaining stock but gave them the second meal you bought that day.

"No, no. You always do this. It's not fair, we'll exchange. You give me food for my fruit."

"Auntie, no. You know very well that I don't expect payment for this. Its a gift. Take the food, go home and eat. Use the money for your daughter."

Nearing to you, he bowed quickly before leaning down and handing the child some onigiri. She smiled up at him, all toothy and he felt his heart warm up seeing her munch away at the rice ball. Looking at you, he could see the broad smile on your face as you bantered with the woman, seeing you like this was such a contrast to your usual stoic attitude.

This routine continued for a few weeks, eventually you would help Osamu out with his packing. Carrying some of the lighter packages to hand out to everyone, your conversation becoming more and more in depth the more you spoke to one another. You had more in common than you thought, including your selflessness you both had similar taste in music and movies.

One thing led to another and soon you found yourself dating, Osamu didn't realise how cute you were in real life until you moved in together. He remembered how shocked he was when you bought matching Pikachu onesies to wear and would take lots of selfies with him. His phone was full of cute pictures that he got during the day with little messages and lovey dovey quotes. The apartment was full of couple things like matching slippers and the progression of your relationship through little mementos strewn across the wall.

You would spend any spare time you had at his shop helping him, or trying to as you seemed to get distracted by how pretty your boyfriend was. Or you would come behind him and attach yourself in a backhug, Osamu wouldn't be able to get much done with a limpet attached so you compromised on a only doing that when he had a break.

What started as a fascination ended up being one of the biggest surprises of his life and he couldn't imagine his life without you in it.

[jackson--t]

🎃 Spooktober 🎃

Bloody Boneless - Pt. I

Welcome to my favourite time of the year and my month of spooky stuff! I will create some short spooky stories - if you want to join me, feel free to tag me! 🎃

Summary: Heahmund talks about old sagas and legends in his classes - and tries one game out for himself at home. With a frightening result that makes his blood run cold...

Words: 2.6 k (AO3? Here.)

Spooky Friends (so far): @youbloodymadgenius @jadelynlace (if you want to be tagged, feel free to send me a DM or stuff!) 🖤

Heahmund looked around at his students and grinned a little; his bright eyes wandered over the curious eyes of the teens, who were all talking; some were already coming forward to share their ideas and stories.

It was October, and it wasn't long until Halloween; Heahmund had specifically chosen the last history lessons to get into a little spooky subject matter, about ghosts and folklore, about old tales and myths, and things you'd tell yourself if you wanted to scare someone. Outside, the rain pattered against the window, and the class had been decked out in autumnal red for several weeks, decorated with collected leaves and chestnuts. Heahmund grinned for a moment, then pointed to a student.

"Anna?"

"When I was a child, my mother told me that witches could be found in many bushes and along roadsides. We had a bush in our backyard back then, and it was so opaque that you could only ever make out black structures that looked so spooky..."

"And you must have been afraid of it?" Heahmund said, and Anna nodded.

"Who knows any more sagas? Does anyone maybe know games that involve old Halloween traditions?" Heahmund asked to the group, and several students came forward.

"Tim."

"My big sister once got a Ouija board with her friends on Halloween, and they... tried to call a dead friend through the board. They've never touched it since. She told me things moved around the room and the lights suddenly went out," Tim recounted; several girls in the room looked at each other aghast and began whispering excitedly, while Heahmund pressed his lower back against the desk.

"Stories like that scare you, of course, but it can also be fantasy. There are so many ancient legends and customs that, because of their history, already grasp the origins of fear. For example, the superstition that you should never look in the mirror at the stroke of midnight," he explained, and the teenagers fell silent; they looked at their history teacher intently.

"Why not?" Irina asked, and Heahmund grinned slightly.

"They say it makes you see your inner monster, or your inner witch. There are various games you can try in the dark, but they mostly play with your seventh sense, or simply your perception. The basic idea of fear plays a central role in this. Does anyone know of anything else?"

It took a moment, but then suddenly, quite hesitantly, a finger lifted from the back row; Heahmund's eyes met the shy Natalie, who always spoke very little, even though she had good grades. The others did not like her so much; however, to Heahmund she was a nice girl who was just a little quiet. He nodded to her with a smile; she looked around shyly, then said softly, "You told us once about the Vikings, and about their age. I know a saga about it."

Heahmund raised his eyebrows; he had always loved the subject of Vikings and didn't even know until now that there were customs here, too - or at least ghost stories that the young people told each other. "Really? Ah, very nice! Of course, when someone includes real history, it's always exciting. Tell us more, Nathalie!"

Nathalie hesitated for a moment; her fingers buried in her sweater.

"You told us about Ragnar Lothbrok and his sons back then. And I know a... legend. It says that at the stroke of midnight you are supposed to stand in front of the mirror, and if you... well, if you say Bloody Boneless three times, the Viking tyrant Ivar the Boneless will appear in the mirror."

Heahmund felt a slight chill run down his spine; he had gone over the subject very carefully with the students, and he was fascinated by how much had stuck with her; he looked at her for a moment, then asked, "Have you ever tried it?"

She shook her head vigorously. "No, I wouldn't do it either. The stories about him are too scary for me."

"With Bloody Mary, after all, the legend goes much the same way, except she pokes your eyes out. What do you think Ivar the Boneless does, Nathalie?" Heahmund said; the class watched intently as Nathalie bit her lower lip softly.

"They say that he... that he kills you. With an object he finds on you." she whispered; for a moment, icy chills ran through the class, and the abrupt ringing of the bell elicited a cry from some; Heahmund laughed.

"All's well, we'll see each other again on Wednesday. Until then, please read up on the customs about the Salem Witches' Night and do assignment 10 on it."

Heahmund waited until the class was completely empty; he smiled at the students, then scratched his chin lightly. Ghost stories, what nonsense. Of course, he knew none of these things were true; even though he loved seeing the shocked faces of the teenagers.

Bloody Boneless, what a nonsense....

 

§---§---§

 

It was late in the evening when Heahmund stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom; for a moment he looked at his dark hair, and then got his toothbrush ready. The clock on his shelf showed just before midnight; so, he still had some time.

Something on the back of his neck prickled as he brushed his teeth and walked slowly up and down the hallway; the rain was still casting gloomy shadowy shapes on the windows in his house, and the wind was clearly audible. If he wasn't mistaken, he had also heard a thunderstorm coming from a safe distance - a terribly cozy autumn night that he was about to end with a good book in his bed. Yet he still carried his student's words from today in his ear; that strange story about Ivar the Boneless.

Heahmund had devoted much of his studies to the Viking field, and it was still his favorite part of history. Perhaps he could joke with the children and pretend that the story about the mirror was true. He was sure that the teenagers - at least a couple of them - would not be able to sleep for nights if Heahmund continued Nathalie's story. He grunted softly in amusement before standing back in the bathroom and washing out his mouth.

When he lifted his head, the clock read 11:59 p.m., and Heahmund fixed his bright eyes on the mirror; his own reflection was staring back at him, albeit still with a somewhat wet beard. As the digital clock read midnight, Heahmund exhaled deeply. His hands clawed tightly into the porcelain of the basin, and he said softly in his deep voice:

"Bloody Boneless."

Once, and the rain whipped harder against the window; it was nothing unusual, for the storm had been predicted. Heahmund snorted softly; he felt a little crazy and silly, but he took another breath and said:

"Bloody Boneless."

Far away in the dark of the night there was a low rumbling; but the storm was still too far away for Heahmund to hear it clearly. Nothing happened; Heahmund grinned slightly at his own image in the mirror, and then quietly muttered a third:

"Bloody Boneless."

It happened all of a sudden; the lights in the bathroom began to flicker all at once, and with a ripping thunderclap, it abruptly went dark; just once, the light of the bathroom mirror still flickered on, causing Heahmund to let out a scream.

For a millisecond, the gruesomely contorted face of an angry young man had appeared in it, that undoubtedly belonged to Ivar the Boneless. But the lights came back on, and Heahmund stared perplexedly into the mirror; his hands trembled, and he wore white marks on his knuckles, so tightly had he clutched at the basin. When his bright eyes fell on the mirror again, he could see only his own face in it. No trace of that grimace.

Heahmund exhaled deeply and ran his hand over his forehead, shivering slightly; it was just as he himself had said in his lessons: the brain knew it was seeing something, and imagined it. The thunder had been a coincidence, of course, and had contributed to that brief anxiety -but it had been a horrible experience.

"Amazing, a brain like that.", Heahmund muttered to himself, slightly breathless, before turning off the bathroom light and turning towards the hallway. Just for a brief moment, for the fragile blink of an eye, he imagined that he saw a black, crooked shadow in the mirror that clearly could not belong to him. But it could just have been the shower curtain.

Heahmund hurried to get to the bedroom; the mirrors in the hallway suddenly didn't seem so trustworthy, especially since a bright flash additionally illuminated the hallway. Heahmund had never really been the fearful type; never. He didn't believe in ghosts and stories; he believed in the measurable reality of people. But this experience had given even him a deep goose bump on the back of his neck that he couldn't shake off. When he arrived in the bedroom, he closed the door behind him; the hallway was silent, however, as he took one last look inside before turning out the light there as well.

He had another mirror in the bedroom that he had a good view of; normally he loved it, especially for certain evenings; but now a strange feeling came over him. He looked at the mirror slightly critically, and yet decided against taking it down - he wasn't that anxious now. Everything was explainable, really everything. The blackout, the flickering, even his hallucination. There was nothing to worry about or be afraid of.

He turned on the small light on his nightstand and leaned back against the end of the bed; he covered himself lightly and began reading his book. He loved this atmosphere while reading; there was a storm outside, and he was inside with a book in a warm bed, and he didn't even have to get up early tomorrow, since he didn't have class until the last period. He enjoyed such evenings very much; only sometimes he felt lonely.

The house was only blanketed by the sound of rain and thunderstorms; however, as Heahmund was turning a page, his eyes caught something out of the corner of his eye. It was a dark movement, a quick, barely visible movement, but it shot up the back of Heahmund's neck so quickly and tinglingly that he could not have imagined it.

His gaze went up to the mirror; it was still standing there motionless, and nothing but the room was reflected in it; this weather was playing tricks on his eyes, he was sure of it. And those damn children's stories. He shouldn't have done that shit with the mirror.

Heahmund averted his eyes again; he continued to read in silence when suddenly he heard an unfamiliar noise - it sounded like something hitting the ground sharp and hard, like some kind of knife or axe; but it was almost too heavy for that. Heahmund raised his head and stared around the room, but he could see nothing; yet he could have sworn that this strange sound had come directly from his room. He wrinkled his nose slightly; the sound appeared again, only this time it was ten times louder. And it was almost as if a dark shadow was creeping out from under the doorframe....

Heahmund jumped out of bed. Maybe it was a burglar! He went towards the door, saw exactly the strange shadows on the wooden floor, which looked as if someone with crutch was standing in front of the door - his neck tingled wildly, and he suppressed the fantasy in his head - when with a sudden movement he tore open the door.

"Ha!" he cried; but there was no one in the hall. Heahmund stared open-mouthed into the hallway, and then at the floor - the shadow was gone. He took a deep breath in and out, as he closed the door behind him with a soft sound. He needed to calm down, his imagination was starting to run away with him. It was nothing more than a scary fairy tale that teenagers told each other at their Halloween parties.

When he turned around, however, his body suddenly froze.

He couldn't move an inch even if he wanted to; his muscles seemed frozen, frozen like an icy body in deepest winter. His mouth was slightly open, and yet neither words nor air came out to breathe; for his bright eyes fell on the mirror.

There, in jet-black leather armor, leaning on a pointed, metal crutch, stood a young man with the brightest, bluest eyes Heahmund had ever encountered. He simply stood there in the mirror, no one in front of it, staring motionless in Heahmund's direction; his dark hair was braided in Viking splendor, and his face revealed that he had been through a lot; a small but legendary scar adorned the young man's face.

It took a while for Heahmund's body to release its rigidity; he took a deep shocked breath, and stared in disbelief at the image in the mirror. It was as if frozen; the young Viking in it did not move a bit, but only stared stubbornly in Heahmund's direction. It looked like a statue; Heahmund dared to come a little closer and walked with slow steps towards the large mirror.

A flash of lightning lit up the room, and the rumble of thunder gave the whole thing an impossibly creepy atmosphere. Although Heahmund's body was wrapped in icy cold and thick goose bumps, he walked forward until he was standing right in front of the mirror; the young man was a little shorter than him and stood slightly bent over by his crutch. But he did not move, not even when Heahmund touched the cold pane of the mirror with a slight swallow.

"You're not real. This isn't real. I'm dreaming.", Heahmund muttered darkly; the mirror felt normal, and nothing moved except for the flashes in the background.

It had to be a bad joke. Maybe someone had traded his mirror for a TV? Maybe this was a show? Those damn kids...

Heahmund hissed softly as he looked around the room; but he could see no cameras in the corners, and no feet or anything behind the curtains. There was nothing there...

He turned his gaze back to the mirror; still the young man stood there, but his eyes had changed direction. They were staring Heahmund right in the face now, and Heahmund had to swallow hard against his own horrible fear. He took his fingers away from the cool glass, and stared at the Viking as well.

"You are not real, Ivar the Boneless," Heahmund said darkly.

And suddenly, with the bright light of a flash of lightning and the cruel, violent thunder of the thunderstorm close by, he moved; the face moved jerkily, and his jaw cracked slightly before bright white teeth showed, looking almost like sharp knives in the flash of the thunderstorm; the corners of the young man's mouth lifted, and the bright eyes stared at him like the devil's face made flesh.

„dauði, Kristr.“ A high-pitched, strangely soft, yet scratchy voice shattered the silence of the bedroom, mixed with cruel cracking sounds; and Heahmund froze to ice again.

He took a shaking step back, but his eyes caught perfectly how the pointed end of the crutch pressed against the mirror from inside, and a thousand shards suddenly pattered on the floor; and with a firm and sweeping pulling motion, Ivar the Boneless pulled himself out of the mirror, incarnate.

„dauði, Kristr.“ - "Die, Christian." (correct me if it's wrong!)

[big-tiddie-squad]

I... I wrote smut.... help. What do I do now? @twancingyunhoe remember when you told me you were cringing the whole time? Yea. Same. 🥲 Also. I wrote almost 1300 WORDS. ME. THE PERSON WHO ABSOLUTELY HATES WRITING CAUSE GRAMMAR IS HARD AND WORDS ARE HARD AND ATTENTION SPANNING IS HARD! I'm impressed by all your writers out there. Bunch of Royals. 👏👏 yall are the realest.

Desire

Hongjoong watches as he puts the slice of mango into your mouth. God how he wanted to watch himself slide past your lips too. You'd been dating for a little over a month now and while he was happy with what you guys already have, lately... he's been desperate for more.

It's summer time and you've been traipsing around in shorts cut just below your ass. You've even been swimming at the dorm a lot as well. The small bikini was a delicious sight. He couldn't keep from masturbating occassionally, thinking about how your skin glistens when you climb out of the pool. The water droplets cascading and disappearing into your ample bosom.

"Mmm." You say, a little bit of the juice escapes the side of your mouth. Hongjoong, leans in and licks it off, without thinking. You smirk. You've been prancing around in front of him hoping to coax him into making a move.

About 2 weeks ago, you'd caught him masturbating. You couldn't take your eyes off of him. He penis was much larger than you could tell from the glimpses of him in his boxers. He was pumping it so furiously, hips jerking into his hand as well almost as if to simulate someone bouncing on his cock. You had made up your mind to leave until your heard him moan out your name. "Y/N. You're so tight.... please don't hold it in I wanna hear you when I make you cum."

His kiss brought you back to the present, you hadn't even realized that you had slipped your hand over his pants, until you felt the growing erection. Hongjoong, however noticed your hand immediately, a hum vibrated through your lips making you grip him through his pants. Hongjoong let out a growl, and it lit your nerves on fire. He slid his hand along your middle and skimmed the skin just below your breast.

"Is this okay? Are you sure you wan- uggh" your smile innocently and ease your grip on him. Even now he was looking after you. You kiss him slipping your free hand behind his head and into his hair. "Please Joong I need you. I'm craving you," you beg. You saw it then, that switch being thrown, and suddenly he wasn't the same Hongjoong anymore. Your shirt was suddenly over your head and on the floor. He leaned you back on the couch, where you'd both been eating mangos on not even a few moments ago. You can feel yourself clench when he grinds himself against you.

"Let's get you out of those shorts as well, hm?" His lips move just below your ear, causing flutters to stir deep in your belly. You drench at the thought of what comes next. He slips your shorts off and his fingers begin to trace your inner thigh. The tingles his fingers leave behind bring on a strong ache.

He kisses you, tongue brushing your lips making way for his entry. His fingers find the lips of your pussy and begins tracing circles around it all the while avoiding your throbbing little bud. Your body and hips attempt to follow as if trying to guide him to the sweet sensitive button.

He chuckles, "you want something, love?"

You whimper frustrated, "Please HongJoong, I need you I'm aching."

"Aching where love?" He asks knowingly. Those fingers continuing their painstakingly slow circles.

"Down there." You whine.

"Use your big girl words." His finger makes a direct line and then skips over your sensitive little nub and your body arches in an attempt to connect to his finger. "I need you to fuck me Hongjoong." You finally say. "When did this neediness begin, little love?"

"Please HongJoong..." you begin before he cuts you off. "If you tell me, I'll give you a reward." He leans down to pepper kisses along your jawline and down your neck, the never ending swirls along your pussy are torture. He nips and licks down your clavicle and to your breast before lightly biting your nipple causing you to moan out.

Suddenly, you blurt out, " I saw you masturbating," you blush " and it turned me on when you mentioned my name... I can't stop thinking about it. I want you to use me, please Hongjoong." You look up into his eyes the look of pure desire on your face makes him smile wide as he takes in what you told him. "Well, we'll have to touch base with that again later, for now my little love deserves her reward." With that he thrusts 2 fingers inside, groaning as the mix of your pussy clenching around his fingers and the sound of your moan cause his dick to harden further.

"This little kitty is gonna be mine when I'm through." He removes his fingers and brings them to your lips. You look him in the eye and take them into your mouth tasting the mess he caused. He hums, and removes his clothes with a purpose. His cock twitching the second the cool air hit it, almost like it had a mind of its own, and your mouth waters instantly. He inserts just the tip and leans in to lick your neck just below your ear. "Purr for me kitten."

He slides in and before he starts his agonizingly slow place. The teasing he'd done earlier had made you so wet he was slipping in with great ease. He rocks his hips til he finds his rhythm, hand making its way up your torso to your breast, and then to your neck. Just at the thought of him squeezing your neck had you clenching around him again, "Joong-" you let out in a breathy moan.

"What's the matter, is it too much?" His hips stop abruptly. "NO! Don't stop, faster." You let out in a frustrated groan, rolling your hips to continue for him. His eyes light up, "Oh?" He slows his hips and it's like he's fucking you in slow motion. "Joong please I need your co-" you start to beg and he suddenly lifts your leg and places it over his shoulder and slams home before holding himself deep inside you. "I do love having you underneath me, little love. My cock buried inside you and hearing that pretty voice of yours." He begins thrusting harder and at a faster pace than before and you immediately gasp out and attempt to clench your legs, as his cock reaches to stroke your g-spot. He squeezes his hand around your throat, tilting your head upwards and kissing you. You moan into his mouth and the pressure inside you is reaching its boiling point. It's almost unbearable as you writhe beneath him rocking your hips in time with his.

Your eyebrows knit together and Joong takes that as his cue. Hes shoves himself deep inside you and leans back a bit to slap your clit, forcing a monstrous orgasm to rip through you and causing your gaze to go cloudy and your legs to tighten against his sides. Seeing his lovely little kitten beneath him squirming through her climax proved too much for him, and he pulls out as hot jets of cum spurt out onto your stomach.

Hongjoong leans all the way back breathing heavily, admiring his art along your beautiful body. You watch him as well, smiling as you wipe some of it up with your fingers and pace it on your tongue before swallowing it. Hongjoongs eyes darken and you notice his cock hardening once again. "Don't think your finished after that little show. We've got at least one more round, little love." "Shouldnt we go to the bedroom? What if the guys come home and see us?" You say reaching for his cock and stroking it.

"Then they can watch." He smirks.

[mandoalorian]

Loving You For You [Maxwell Lord x GN!Reader]

Summary: Maxwell Lord is struck with a panic attack when he's getting ready to shoot one of his famous infomercials. He's hit with the trauma of his youth and begins to spiral, until you, his loving partner, show him that it's okay to feel afraid and it's okay to find admittance in his struggles.

Warnings: descriptions of poverty, starvation, body dysmorphia, panic attack, general insecurity, brief mention of addiction (alcohol and gambling), brief mention of abuse.

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 2000>

Author's note: So many of you loved 'Perfect to Me', which was about a reader who had their own body dysmorphia (you can find it in my Masterlist under ‘Maxwell Lord’, and asked me to write more. I put a little twist on things and wrote this, a one-shot in which Maxwell suffers from body dysmorphia and struggles to leave his past behind him. Reader discretion advised.

Masterlist

When Maxwell Lorenzano was 6 years old, he owned one pair of shorts and two t-shirts. He had no choice but to wear them throughout the coldest winter in history, his knees red raw from the cold, and they lasted him for two years until he quite literally was growing out of them. When he finally parted with them, his mother gifted him with a dark blue knitted sweater, and Maxwell swore it was the best present he'd ever received. He'd finally feel the warmth he craved so desperately. The warmth that other children got from their parents embrace...he was getting from an itchy sweater that smelt like cheap beer and cigarettes. But it was his, and it was all he had.

After Maxwell's father stole all of the money for his gambling and alcohol addiction, he left Mrs Lorenzano with just five pesetas to feed the small family for a week. The brown eyed boy remembered that winter as the worst one yet. The bedwetting had gotten bad again and he had never gone so hungry. He remembered his stomach rumbling in class and his cheeks would flush as the other kids teased and laughed at him for it. He remembered stealing a banana from another kid's packed lunch, getting caught, and told that if he continued to steal, he'd be nothing but a criminal low-life just like his father. But he was just hungry. His shoes had holes in them so his toes poked out. He bathed in a tin bucket once a week right up until he was a teenager.

And thirty years later, Maxwell Lorenzano, or Lord, as he now went by, was staring at himself in the full length bedroom mirror. Everything was perfect. He'd proved everyone back home wrong. He became someone. Someone esteemed, someone important and someone with a heightened self worth. People asked for his autograph in the street and preached to him about their love and admiration for his work. He was a man who could make dreams come true. Everything was perfect… or so it should've been.

It didn't fit. Maxwell picked at the way the pale pink polo shirt clung to his body. He turned to the side and sighed when he saw the way it highlighted his little tummy. He sucked in his breath, trying to flatten it, but it didn't really work. And for a split second he considered how many meals it would take to lose that little bit of weight. This whole outfit had been tailored for him just two weeks ago and it was perfect but now he hated it. He didn't just hate it. He felt disgusting.

It was weird. Sure his insecurity about his body image was rampant as he took in his appearance, but he didn't feel like himself.

Truthfully, when he changed his name from Lorenzano to Lord he had done it to start anew. That name was his father's and he wanted no association with the man who had abused and tormented him and his mother. But when Maxwell Lorenzano became Max Lord, it was like the struggle ended. He'd fought for so long and so hard trying to fit in with the modern-day example of a successful businessman. He was the least American all-American man. He dyed his hair blonde, even seeked a vocal coach to try and rid himself of his accent. And it worked. Everything was being handed to him on a silver plate. He was the coverboy of Forbes, the owner of three country clubs and day spas across America. The Wall Street Journal were constantly on his case, wanting to interview him. He was swimming in cash. He had everything he could ever want. But it wasn't him.

He felt like a fraud. A liar. A con-man. And as he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he saw nothing but the broken little boy he was thirty years ago, wearing ill-fitted clothes and a fake smile. It wasn't meant to be like this. He was spiralling.

"Hey honey?" he heard your sweet voice call from the next room, your footsteps approaching down the corridor. His tense composure relaxed ever so slightly when he heard you coming, and he grabbed the white suit jacket from the top of the dresser, quickly pulling it over him. He didn't want you to see him like this. See his tummy and the way the stupid shirt didn't fit him the way it did two weeks ago. You'd seen him naked plenty of times and deep down Maxwell knew that you wouldn't care, but he just felt so vulnerable in his own skin. "The camera crew are waiting downstairs in the lobby and they're getting antsy," you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration as you padded into the bedroom. "The director is insufferable, Max. I keep telling him this is your infomercial, not his, but he just-- hey, Max? Are you listening?" you narrowed your eyes with concern. Maxwell hadn't looked at you once since you walked into the room.

"Hmph? Oh yeah." he murmured, turning back around to see if his tummy poked out even wearing the white jacket over the shirt. It didn't, which was a relief for him, but the padded shoulders of the jacket made him look huge and boxy. And it was just another thing he began to hate about himself.

"Are you okay?" you asked, biting your lip and walking towards him. You wrapped your arms around his waist and placed your hands over his tummy. He winced. "Max?"

"Yeah I'm fine." he said quickly, pulling out of your grip and buttoning up the suit jacket.

As he was about to leave the bedroom to start shooting the latest infomercial for his company, Black Gold Cooperative, you grabbed his arm and pulled him back. You popped open to the button of his suit jacket, freeing his tummy, not that you noticed. "You should keep the jacket undone," you hummed. "I like you in pink." You placed the palm of your hand on his chest and subconsciously began to brush him down, straightening his collar so he looked as smart as possible.

"I might get changed. Don't really like this outfit." Max muttered with a frown that made your heart ache.

"Wh-what? You loved it when you tried it on for me at the tailors the other week. And you look so good. Is there something going on?" you asked curiously as Maxwell stepped away from you.

He sighed in defeat (and slight frustration), before ripping the jacket off his body and letting it pool to the ground. "Look." he said, pointing his finger aimlessly at his tummy.

"What?" you asked, genuinely bewildered.

"Look." he repeated again, wiggling his ring clad finger this time.

"Maxie you gotta help me out here," you replied. "What am I looking at?" You noticed Maxwell's lips begin to quiver and tears prick his dark glazed eyes. He swallowed a lump in his throat that he didn't realise he had before slapping his hand over his face in shame and breaking down into a heaving, sobbing mess. "Oh Max," you cooed, taking him in your arms and guiding him over to your bed. You sat him down on slid next to him, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into your chest. "Baby what is it? You can talk to me."

"Nothing fits," he hiccuped, and you felt his tears dampen your own blouse. "I feel disgusting. I feel fake and. Disgusting. It fit two weeks ago- and now-"

"Max," you hushed him, running your fingers through his golden locks of hair. "It fits you perfectly. You look amazing, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your partner, I'm saying it because it really truly does. You look so handsome." you promised him.

"When I look in the mirror all I see is the old me. The me who wet the bed, who starved and stole and who couldn't save my mother from my father's horror and abuse. I moved here to escape it all, but it still haunts me. It follows me and I can't- I just want it to stop." Maxwell confessed, the tears now streaming down his face.

You had dated Max Lord for three years now, and you were both deeply in love with each other, but he had never quite opened up to you about his past trauma. You knew little things here and there but you never expected it to be so bad. Your boyfriend was suffering and you felt so helpless.

"I hate myself." he continued through a choked sob. He began to feel so constricted in his clothes, tugging his pink shirt. It felt like he couldn't breathe, and you saw the panic on his face.

"Hey, breathe with me. Let me help you." you whispered, cupping his face with your hand and wiping away his tears. He found himself subconsciously leaning into your touch and he followed your breathing. Inhale for seven seconds and then exhale. And repeat. It was working. As he followed your breathing, you gently began to undress him and as you discarded the garments of clothing he began to feel better.

Leaving him on the bed, you promised you'd be back in one second, quickly darting into the walk-in closet and bringing out some of his comfiest cashmere pyjamas.

"I- I can't," Maxwell panted. "I have to shoot the- the infomercial."

You shook your head, unfolding the pyjamas. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, okay? This is your infomercial. Not anyone else's."

"I can't let them down." Maxwell insisted, looking back at the clothes that were pooled on the floor. He had to be brave. For once he had to be brave.

"No," you said sternly. Maxwell looked at you with doe eyes. "I want you to change and get into bed. I'll be back in one minute, I'm just going to let the crew and the director know that we'll do this another day."

"Yeah but-" As always, Maxwell Lord was the most stubborn man on the planet. "I can do it. I can- I can-"

"Sweetheart," you whispered, planting a kiss on his forehead. "There's no shame in admitting when you can't do something. No shame in struggling. I love you all the same."

"You aren't embarrassed of me?" he sniffed wearily.

"How could I be? I feel like the luckiest person on the planet because I scored with you. You're the most amazing, gentle, compassionate guy I have ever met. Max, I wish the rest of the world got to see you the way I see you. You are perfect." you smiled and Maxwell felt his cheeks flush pink.

"I love you so much." he confessed, and you giggled, leaning in to brush your lips against his.

"I love you too," you smiled warmly, nudging your nose against his. "Get comfortable and I'll dismiss the crew. I'll bring a VHS up and we can watch a movie in bed too. Anything you fancy?"

Maxwell pondered for a second, trying to remember his wide selection of filmography he kept in one of the living room cabinets. He could always go with one of his favourites— a guilty pleasure he liked to indulge in when he craved comfort. "Breakfast at Tiffany's?" he asked with a hopeful glint in his eye.

"Oh yes, we haven't watched that one in a while! I'll make us both some herbal tea too," you exclaimed, handing him a comb so he could brush out all the hair product and reveal his natural waves. "We've been needing a movie day." you commented.

"Let's not do anything," Maxwell grinned. "For once. Let's just relax and cuddle and watch movies."

"I can't think of anything better." you smiled cheerily, pinching his cheek and giving him another kiss.

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[fan4196]

Alex’s Award

Hope you like it. Enjoy!

Thanks to @angry-slytherin :)

-

If you would have told intern Alex that fourty years in the future he would sit right here, beside his amazing wife of almost thirty years, he would have laughed hard. Never had he imagined that his hard work and a little lie about testicular cancer could bring him this far.

Sitting here in between hundreds of brilliant minds, hoping to win one of the biggest medical awards was still crazy for him. Why him out of all? Why should they give him an award? Why should he out of all deserve an award like this?

As he keeps looking around the room he recognises so many amazing doctors from all over the country. And he still can't believe that he is one of them.

He takes his view back to the stage as he hears Catherine read his name as one of the nominees of the night.

"...Doctor Alexander Karev, Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital..." That's all he hears as Jo squeezes his hand softly before she continues stroking the back of it with her thumb. He glances to the side where his wife is sitting and smiling proudly while she's watching the stage. His view follows his wife's to the stage as Catherine is about to proclaim the winner.

"And the Catherine Fox Award for medical innovation goes to- Alexander Karev, Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital."

The sound of words reach his ears but don't seam to reach his brain. His brain doesn't get it.

The grip of his wife's hands on his cheeks made him finally realise it. He fricking won.

His shocked face slowly defrosts as he looks into Jo's teary eyes. The smile on her face shines of proudness as she leans forward to kiss him, putting her left arm around his neck while her right hand disappears in his hair.

What felt like minutes for him turns out to be only a few seconds as Jo loosens her grip on him.

"I'm so proud of you." Jo whispers while she looks him in the eyes. "Now go and get your award." She loosens her arms completely and carefully pushes him towards the stage.

Where he's standing behind the microphone with his award in his hand within seconds.

"Fu- Sorry. Ahm wow. Thank you so much. I have this long list of people here I want to thank but let's make this short. Mom, Doctor Bailey, Robbins, Mer - thank you. But the person I really have to thank is my incredible wife Doctor Josephine Karev. Without you I would never stand here right now. You made me better, you changed me, you make me believe in myself. Not one person in my life believed in me more than you do. And I'm so incredible grateful that I met you twenty-seven years ago. I'm grateful every single day that I have you in my life, that you believe in me as a person and as a doctor and that you gave me this three amazing kids. Without my kids this idea would have never come to my mind. So I guess I have to thank them too - Emery, Parker, Eden I'm so thankful to have you; to have the privilege to call me your dad and I'm so proud of the people you grew up into. Not to brag but all three turned into amazing Doctors and just last week our son made us grandparents, so I guess we didn't screw them up too much, Princess." Everyone laughs while his eyes are glued on Jo. "Also, I hope someone is filming this, Mer, Cristina, Robbins, Avery-"

He puts the award next to his face before he keeps going. "I have one too now.”

While everyone laughs and applauds him again he makes his way back down to his seat. Smiling big as he sits down and kisses his wife again.

"You're gonna pay for the 'Princess'." She declares as she ends their kiss.

"It was worth it." He simply smirks.

The award show keeps going, honouring a few Doctors that are about to retire.

While they silently follow the scenes on stage Alex slowly starts stroking his hand up Jo's thigh through the slit of her dress. He carefully gets closer to her to whisper in her ear.

"Let's leave early and have some fun."

Not really on board with her husband Jo puts her hand over Alex's to stop him from going any further, before she turns to him.

"You have to go up there at the end of the show again for pictures and everything." She whispers to not bother anyone.

"We'll be finished by then." He replies cheeky, looking around to be sure no one could hear them.

"Ha you don't really believe that right?" She asks looking him in the eyes with an raised eyebrow.

"Are you saying I'm old?"

"No I'm saying if you start you aren't able to stop. So I promise when I got my picture of you on stage with your award and you talked to at least two medical magazine for an interview, you can keep me awake the whole night." Jo answers smiling at him before she leans in for a kiss.

"Deal." He agrees as they part.

The award show slowly comes to an end and all winners get back on stage again for pictures and a few interviews. And slowly the room empties as Alex is done with his third interview.

"Go up there one more time." Jo asks him with puppy dog eyes, knowing that he can't say no to her. "Please, for me?"

So he gets up there one more time so Jo can snap a few more pictures on her phone of him and his award. 

As he comes down again they ask a nice old lady to snap some pictures of them together in front of the stage. 

"Thank you." Jo thanks her with a smile as she takes her phone back.

"Oh you're very welcome. By the way if I'm allowed to say so I admire your work in Africa and I would really like to donate a little something to the Karev Foundation." The little grey haired woman smiles as she gets her check book out of her purse.

"Oh that's so nice. Thank you so much." Jo replies politely as she looks at Alex and back to the elderly woman. "We make sure your little something will help a lot of children."

The old lady scribbles something down on her check book before she folds it and puts it in Alex's chest pocket.

"Thank you so much again." Alex thanks her again, than takes Jo's hand and guides her out of the room.

"And now Doctor Karev I'm gonna take you to my room and rip that dress off you." He whispers as they walk towards the elevators.

"Whatever you want." Jo answers sneaky.

They wait a few seconds before they get into the elevator and push the button to their floor.

With Alex's award and her purse in her hands Jo can't fight back as he gets behind her and starts kissing her neck. She turns in his arms before she stops him for a second.

"What?" He asks a little disappointed as he still holds her tight.

"I wanna see what she donated." Jo answers as she hands him his award and her purse.

Fishing the check out of his chest pocket to unfold it.

"Holy-"

"What?" He quickly asks as he looks into his wife's big eyes.

She turns the check to show it to him, "It's a million!"

They silently stare into each other's eyes, both in shock of the amount of money they are able to put into their work in the future.

The sound of the elevator stopping wakes them and with another quick kissing Jo turns around and makes her way to their room. Alex follows a little behind, still carrying her purse and his award.

He quickly catches up with her and gets their room key out of his inner suit pocket to open the door.

Inside he quickly closes the door and gets rid off the things in his hands. To have them free for his wife. Within seconds their lips are back together and they slowly start undressing each other.

Alex is just about to open the zipper of Jo's dress as his phone starts ringing.

"No." He grouls, but picks up as he sees the name of his daughter on the screen.

"Hey kiddos. What's up? Did something happen?" He immediately asks, as he puts it on speaker and throws it down on the bed near his wife.

"Oh shut up dad. Congratulations." The voice of their youngest daughter comes through the phone.

"Thanks Eden." He laughs, as he quietly gets rid of his shoes and starts slowly opening one button after the other while he stares into Jo's eyes with a little grin on his lips.

"We are so proud of you dad." His oldest daughter congratulates through the speaker.

"Thank you Emy." He answers, still looking into his wife's hungry eyes as he gets rid of his suit jacket and shirt.

"Yeah you rocked that dad. We are very proud and Anna says congrats too, she just went to bed with Claire." His son adds to his siblings congrats.

"Thank you guys." Alex replies as he sits down on the bed beside Jo who smiles at him.

"Is mom there too?" Eden asks, knowing that it's a rhetorical question because their parents are always together.

"Yeah. I'm here." Jo answers, turning her view to the phone.

"You looked so hot in that dress mom. I have to say it." Eden adds.

"Thanks Eden. " Jo answers a little confused, "How do you know about my dress?"

"Dad send us pictures." Her daughter clarifies.

"Oh he did." Jo replies turning her view back to her husband, raising her eyebrow in surprise.

"Yeah. But we don't want to bother you any longer, by the look of you in that dress I'm actually surprised you picked up at all." Their youngest daughter jokes.

"Eden!" Emery's voice echoes through the phone.

"What? It's true. They might be our parents and maybe old but we all know that they still do it like bunnies."

"Good night Eden." Jo quickly interrupts before their daughter could say anything more, "Good night everyone else."

"Night mom and dad."

"Good night." Alex says his good bye before he hangs up and lets himself fall back onto the bed in laughter.

Jo joins him as she falls against his bare chest.

"She's not wrong." Alex shrugs as he slowly calms down again.

"I know." Jo adds before she starts kissing him again.

[tokyoghoose]

something that never was

pairing: daisuke kambe x reader

playlist: even if it's a lie - matt maltese*, a soulmate who wasn't meant to be - jessica benko, the less i know the better - tame impala, id rather go blind - beyonce ( cadillac records ), the house we never built - gabrielle aplin*, i cant make you love me - dave thomas junior, i go crazy - orla gartland, blow my brains out - tikkle me, hidden in the sand - tally hall

warnings: angst, mentions of cheating,

summary: the coldness he radiates gets the best of you, ultimately leading to the end.

announcements!

i dont really see daisuke cheating unless it was a misunderstanding or smth, but i liked the idea of this fic. Let me know what you think!

you can tell i didnt write this in a sitting lol. Im vv sorry if it's hard to follow!

feedback is welcome and appreciated! requests are open!

There's a warm body beside you, yet the bed feels cold. The arm around your waist feels almost as foreign as the face in front of you. It hurts to look at him, to feel him. It hurts to even be around him. He's so beautiful but he feels like half the man he once was. It's disheartening.

Maybe the saying, what you don't know can't hurt you is correct because you were feeling the repercussions right about now. Curiosity really did kill the cat, and at this point, you don't even know how to get satisfaction from it. How does one bring up cheating to their partner? Especially when the partner is like Daisuke.

He likes to brush things off without paying a price except for whatever was in his bank account, the type to hand you a card and say 'go get yourself something pretty.' And it wasn't like he was a bad lover, in fact, it was very easy to fall in love with him. He has a charm about him that's magnetic, one glance and suddenly it's impossible to look away. Or at least that was your experience.

With the final confirmation that closing your eyes will do nothing other than bringing pictures into your head, you turn your back to him and try and distance your body from his. It doesn't do anything to help when he pulls you closer subconsciously, except for maybe it makes you want to cry.

You'd confront him tomorrow, you decided.

If you need to.

———

The pace you set is leisure and if kt wasn't for the poor nail bed quickly coming to nothing, it'd seem like you weren't completely losing your head. It's all you can think about. Daisuke out with some girl—who you know for a fact isn't his sister, and who is all over him. He didn't even make a move to push her off! He hates that kind of attention so if he didn't object it, then he was asking for it. He wanted the girl on his side. In fact, for someone who insists the other person sits across from him at a restaurant- he looked quite comfortable with her nearly in his lap.

Maybe you're overthinking this, y/n.

The door clicks open and your ears strain to hear the sound of Daisuke's dress shoes. He's rather indulgent when it comes to dressing wear and the shoes were practically silent, even with the short heel on the back.

"I'm home." He says to no one particular, taking off his trenchcoat and hanging it on the rack beside the door. He stops his path to the bedroom when he sees you frozen in place and staring in the living room. He merely quirks a brow, going to take off his suit and tie.

Suddenly you can't speak and you have tunnel vision. It's unfair how calm he always looks—it's almost smug like he knows everything about you and more. Like he can read your mind and tell you your darkest thoughts and when you'll die because let's be honest, it'll probably be by his hand. Maybe you should back out now before you can say anything. Forget it all because what if you're mistaken? The more you think, the more weight is added onto your shoulders and the more it pushes you down, down further into the hole you want to crawl into. Maybe you should let it because all you want to do now is escape his piercing gaze. His eyes are studying you, taking in your form and the cogs in his brain are turning to find an explanation as to why you are standing there like a psychopath and not welcoming him home like you usually do.

You feel like you're drowning. Is the light getting dimmer? The black around your vision only seems to close in around Daisuke and you try to look anywhere else but his face. There's water in your ears, the popping of them only intensifies until you can feel it pounding into your head with faint static.

Am I going to pass out?

It's not until his hand comes down gently on your shoulder that the closing circle of vision widens out and suddenly all the imaginary water rushes from your ears. You glance down at his rings before back up him, barely catching the end of his words.

"Are you alright?"

He's never been one to beg, so you would have to answer now or he'll leave it be for the rest of the night and probably months after until you're like this again.

"I-can we talk?"

He eyes you suspiciously, narrowing his eyes and keeping his brow raised before nodding, slipping his tie off around his neck, folding it neatly into the palm of his hand. He gestures for you to start the conversation, going to the minibar curving around the kitchen and living area.

When you don't reply he urges you on, "Why so tense? Did something happen, darling?"

It'd seem like he didn't really care from how cold his voice was, but you've grown accustomed to the monotone to know that he truly is concerned for your health. He genuinely wants to know why you're acting so odd. It only makes this so much harder? You're wrong- you have to be. This must be a sick trick your brain has played on you. Or he must be playing some sick trick.

Anxiety settles itself into your gut and it seems like it won't leave anytime soon.

"Daisuke, are...- are you cheating on me?"

His eyebrows finally go lax but he doesn't look up from unbuttoning the cuffs of his white button-down. His fingers fidget at the buttons and instead of the previous loose form, his hand forms a fist.

"I- "

"Why—exactly, are you accusing me of this?"

His gaze sends chills down your spine. He's offended but he doesn't offer a defense. Suddenly your mouth is dry and you lose all your words? How exactly were you going to tell him you stumbled across him and some woman in a restaurant and practically stared them down for fifteen minutes.

You decide the bear it and swallow a lump that has formed in your throat.

"You were with a woman earlier this week snd well, the displays of affection that I saw were not very like you. You've been gone for long hours and even if you blamed it on the new job, Daisuke—you never tell me anything. Is she for a case? Are you using her for information? Go on, tell me about it. Give me a reason not to accuse you."

You regain your confidence but it falters when you meet his indifferent expression. You'd prefer it if he looked angry and the silence that fills the room is deafening and the tension suffocating.

"I can't tell you anything about our cases-"

"I'm your partner! What am I going to do? Rat you out to whoever is breaking the law? Why would I even how those connections, Daisuke?"

Daisuke inhales deeply through his nose like this whole conversation is a burden on him and you can't help but feel like a burden too. Was this relationship not worth the time to talk this out? One hand grips the bar and the other pinches the bridge of his nose.

"You aren't my partner, you're my fiance. My partner and I work together. So, no. I can't tell you about the cases."

You want to rip out your hair. This isn't about his stupid job or his stupid partner. This is about the dumb fucking restaurant and the dumb fucking woman who was hanging off him.

He can't actually be this dense!

"It's not about that! Either you aren't getting the point or you keep changing the subject because it's true!" Your voice rises in pitch, your confidence failing and turning more so into desperation. But you aren't crying yet. There are no tears and your eyes are dry and you absolutely refuse to cry in front of a Kambe.

It's like the beginning of your relationship all over again. A protective barrier around yourself so you don't get hurt and offended by his cold shoulder. Was it so bad to think you've moved on from that feeling? Why is it so difficult for him to just comfort you and push back those fears? Is he that emotionally stunted? You may not know much about his past and his family, but damn— at least you're trying to work through it with him. Can he put out a little more effort?

All he does is pour himself a glass. All he does... is pour himself a glass.

"You know what- forget it. If you're so entitled and so emotionally reserved that you can't even talk to me without a drink first, then I guess we'll talk about it another time—when you don't look like my voice gives you a headache."

Daisuke actually looks taken back by your words and you suddenly feel bad for hitting a sore spot. He may not have shown it often, but he doesn't particularly like not being able to show his true emotions; no matter the reason being.

"Y/N, wait.."

But you're back on adrenaline just as soon as he felt a drop, pushing past him to get to your coat. You just needed to calm down before you said something you'd truly regret. Words tended to stay in his mind much longer than they were intended to.

"I'm staying at my mother's. Don't call me, don't text me, don't come near me until you're ready to tell me what the hell you were doing with her. "

When he doesn't say anything more and you can practically hear the cogs in his head turn, you make your way out there door, making sure to slam it shut.

You slip on the coat angrily, slamming open the door without sparing him a glance but waiting for him to say something. Anything. Were you being too rash? You shake your head and scold yourself, mentally. You can't just turn around now, not after an outburst like that. He has to learn something from this.

Irrational or not, hopefully, his true colors would show.

[tiny-taepot]

distant (Mark)

Genre: ANGST

word count: 12k

Request:  something angsty with GOT7!

Summary: a once burning love becomes cold and distant

a/n: this ended up being super long lol, hope you enjoy reading!

Your friends remember the days when you and Mark started dating and how happy you were, your Instagram was filled with photos of you and Mark doing whatever. You were super happy that you had met Mark and despite his busy schedule at work he had always made time with you, anyone who looked at you two would instantly know you were madly in love. A burning, passionate fire of love. Mark and you had moved super fast because you wanted to be together as much as possible, you two moved in with each other after six months of knowing each other. Some people called you crazy for moving in with him so early and how you were going to regret it if you broke up super early, you shook your head and just laughed it off since you knew that somehow you and Mark would someday get married. 

It had been two years since then and you and Mark were still happily together, it was nearing your third year anniversary and you were hoping for a really big anniversary gift, you were really hoping for a ring this year since you and Mark had been together for so long and everyone knew it was coming. You had already got him something very expensive and special, you bought him a new phone because his current phone was breaking and you thought it would help with the communication problem you two had been having recently. Mark had been very late to answering texts and rarely picked up your phone calls, he told you it was because of his phone and how it never notified him when you texted or call. You thought that was very reasonable and phones had expiry dates and this was probably Mark’s phone telling him it was time to upgrade. You were calling your best friend, Sarah, as you were preparing dinner. 

“I really think this is the year,” you smiled hopefully as you dumped a bunch of diced carrots into the pot, you could hear Sarah giggling excitedly. “Please oh please make me the maid of honor,” she squeals as you laugh, “of course, you’re the only person I would every consider.” You answer as she laughs, “good, what type of friend would you be if I wasn’t your maid of honor,” Sarah says as you roll your eyes playfully, you stir the pot as you hear the front door unlocking. “Oh I got to go, Mark is home,” you say as you hear her chuckle “ooooh sounds like he’s home early, must be something special tonight,” she suggestively says as you roll your eyes again. “Okay bye Sarah, we’re still on for Brunch on Saturday, right?” You ask, “of course, bring that ring so I can see it on Saturday okay?” She says, you can feel her grin from over the other end. “Yep, okay I really have to go now, bye!” You say as you hear her say bye and end the phone call. 

“Hey y/n, I’m home,” Mark says as he places his bag down, you smile back to him. “How was work?” You ask as he opens the fridge and grabs a can of beer, he opens it and takes a sip. “It was as normal as it gets,” he answers simply, you realize the cold tone that he answered in. Was he mad? Upset? Or was he just tired of work. Usually when he would get home he would embrace you and smile whenever he saw you, but you guessed these days it was just a little rough at work. You shook the feeling off as you knew that your anniversary was soon so Mark would most likely lighten up for that day. You were so excited to see what he had in store for you, he always had such creative plans and surprises for you. 

It was Friday night, you were all dressed up, you wore a bright red dress that hugged your figure nicely, you had done your hair and make up and you waited for Mark to get home. You had his gift in your hand as you waited patiently for him to get home, as the hours passed you started to get worried. There were texts from Mark telling you that he was going to be late or that there was traffic or even a surprise text telling you where to meet him. You got worried so you texted him, to put your mind at ease.

8:27 PM (y/n): hey, where are you?

You were looking at the text screen hoping for a quick response but as you waited and waited it seemed like he wasn’t going to read it anytime soon. You put your phone away as you walked around your shared living room, you were worried that maybe something happen while he was heading home. You turned on the T.V clicking on all the news channels to see if there had been any road accidents but there were none. All of a sudden you hear a buzz coming from your bag, you open your phone to see a text from Mark.

8:55 PM (Mark): I’m not coming home tonight, too much work to do, save me some food. 

When you saw that text your heart sank, did he forget? You shook off the feeling, you knew how important Mark’s job was and that there probably was no way for him to get home anyways. You changed into sweats and a sweater and ordered a pizza, you were too sad to cook, you just wanted to cuddle yourself and watch romantic movies. You wanted to support Mark with everything but this was a little too much, you were hoping he didn’t forget about your anniversary gift and you knew that there was always tomorrow. 

You woke up to an empty cold bed, Mark didn’t come home last night, you were sad because you felt so bad that he had to work so hard. You figured that you would visit him for lunch and bring him some lunch and his anniversary gift. It was nowhere close to how you planned your engagement story but this was still equally romantic. 

You walked into the brunch resturant and saw Sarah, the moment she saw you enter she had a big grin displayed on her face, you gave her a small smile and she instantly knew. "He didn't propose this year?" Sarah asked, offened for you. You gave her a small sad chuckle. "He didn't even show up, he was caught up with work last night and didn't even come home last night." You answered as Sarah's facial expression lit up, "which means there's still hope right?" Sarah asked her big grin had returned. "I was thinking of getting him some lunch and exchanging gifts at his workplace," you told her but you were doubting that. Her eyes widen even more, you were concern they were gonna pop, "oh my yes, perfect, then you'll be engaged and everything will be good!" Sarah fantasizes as you roll your eyes playfully. "We'll see," you smiled as you took a bite of your breakfast.

You walked into Mark's workplace and walked into his office to see his secretary and him talking, you assumed it was business so you just walked in, the moment Mark saw you walk in his eyes widened. "Y/n? What are you doing here?" He asked as you gave him a tiny smile and walked closer to the two. "I'll let you two talk," Mark's secretary smile softly as she headed out. "So what are you doing here?" Mark asked as he sat back down in his seat and gestured for you to sit down as well, you sat down and took out a lunchbox, you remember how Mark used to beg for you to make him lunches. "I brought some lunch and also have a surprise for you," you smiled as Mark smiled as well. "Thanks y/n, you didn't have to go through all this trouble," Mark said as you shook your head, retrieving the gift from your purse. "No trouble at all, I actually wanted to see you cause I didn't see you yesterday." You slide the gift over to him and Mark's eyes widen. He picks up the gift and unwraps it, he sees the new phone. "Y/n are you kidding me? You didnt have to buy me this," Mark says as you laugh, "nonsense, I realized how you kept complaining about how slow your phone was and thought that this was a perfect gift." You smiled as he immediately turned it on. You frowned as you realised Mark had not given you your gift yet, you waited until Mark looked up at you and saw your facial expression. "Something wrong?" He asked as you laughed a little thinking he was joking, until you realized he was serious. "It's just that I bought you this for our third year anniversary, so I kind of wanna know what you got me," you smiled softly as you heart quickened, this was it, the perfect moment where Mark and you officially start your life together. But then you watched all the colour from Mark's face drain, he forgot. "You forgot didn't you?" You asked as you gave him a disappointed look, Mark shook his head. "Of course not! I'll give it to you when we get home, I just forgot it at home." He smiles, you smile back but you knew he was lying.

It got worse when you got home, when Mark handed you his present to you he was standing and when you opened it, it was a tiny diamond necklace. Now you weren't one to hate gifts because of the value, but this was the necklace that Mark had given you on your six month anniversary. You smiled as he put it on you, you swallowed the urge to cry, maybe this was all an elaborate prank you thought. Mark had always been a man who loved surprises, maybe this was a big surprise.

A week had past since your anniversary and everything was quiet, no proposal, no flowers, no love letters, nothing. In fact, the week had seem to be short of Mark at all, you saw him maybe once this week and rarely had a conversation with you. It was like living with a ghost, but at least the ghost would be there all the time. Mark rarely replied back to your texts and calls and you were getting more upset by the day.

You were cleaning the house when you heard a buzz, you followed the sound and saw Mark's old phone on the dresser, you knew it was wrong to snoop so you continued to mind your business. After ten consistent buzzes you finally sighed and opened his phone, you saw all the texts that you sent Mark that he just opened but never read and then you found her. Jenny. The secretary, you opened the texts to see risky texts and flashy photos sent between the two, your heart was beating so quick and your stomach felt sick. It had felt like someone ripped your heart in two and then repeatedly rammed their foot into your stomach. Hot tears rolled down your cheeks as you saw the two had been spending steamy nights together when Mark was supposedly at work. You wanted to cry and scream at the same time. But a text message conversation between the two really stuck to you, it was about you.

7:55 pm (Jenny): do you think she knows?

7:57 pm (Mark): nope, y/n is an idiot, she'll never find out. I have her wrapped around my finger.

You felt sick when you read that, he took your love as stupidity, you wondered when he stopped loving you and then you thought about how much time you spent on this relationship and how he threw it away so easily. Did you mean absolutely nothing to him? Were you worth nothing to him that he considered throwing you away for some affair with his coworker? You kept reading and it got worse.

8:59 pm (Jenny): Mark, I'm getting sick and tired of sharing you with that bitch, it's either me or her.

9:13 pm (Mark): sweetie please be patient, I'll only be with her for so long, I promise I'll be yours and the stupid bitch won't matter anymore. We'll be happy together.

You wanted to kill him, the way he talked about you made you think about if his feelings were genuine, why did he have to this? Was he not happy with you? Your tears kept coming down and you heard the door open. "Y/n?" Sarah called out as you quickly wiped the tears off your face and walked downstairs with Mark's phone. When Sarah saw you she gasped, "what happened?! Why are you crying?" She asked as she rushed to your side, you couldn't contain the tears anymore and let them flow as Sarah gave you a hug. "H-h-he's cheating on me!" You tried to say but your voice was muffled from the crying, but Sarah understood every word. She clenched her fist as she read the texts, throwing the phone onto the couch she was ready to kill. "I cant believe he would do that to you, how dare he? We should make him pay," Sarah said as you rested your head on her shoulder. She was right, he had to feel something before you ended things with him.

You walked with Sarah to his workplace, you didn't want to go but Sarah insisted, in your hands was a box of clothing and most of Mark's important possessions. In Sarah's hand she had the phone and screenshots printed in her hand. You saw Jenny and him, the way he looked at her, it was exactly the way he looked at you when you two had started dating. You saw Jenny sitting on his desk as his hand travelled furthur up her thigh, your face red with jealousy and anger as you watched her flirt with him and him flirting back. Sarah speeds up her walking to get to his door faster, she slams her hand on the door to get their attention. Mark and Jenny jump as they look over there and see Sarah and you. Mark's face goes white as he realizes that youre here. "Y-y/n" Mark tries to say before Sarah cuts in. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Cheating on my bestfriend with this skank?" Sarah asks angrily, pointing to Jenny, Jenny rolls her eyes as she heads for the door, Sarah grabs her arm. "Don't you even try, you think you can do this and not be at fault?" Sarah asks as she sits back down and scoffs. You clench your fists as you walk towards the door. "Y/n it was a mistake," Mark softly says as you place the box on his desk, you see as Jenny smirks and even scoffs a little. "Mistake? That's not what he was saying last night, you know? When he stayed at my apartment to make love all night. I'm surpise we're still up, we didnt stop at all last night," Jenny brags as you feel the tears rushing to your face. "I can't believe you would cheat on me. After all this time, I've given up job oppurtunities and given up friendships for this relationship Mark, I put in so much effort." You softly cry as Mark tries to hold you but is blocked by Sarah. "Don't even think about it," she growls as he backs up. You wipe the tears and laugh softly, he's shocked that your laughing. "You know I read the texts you sent Jenny, the ones where you called me stupid. I felt mad but you know you're right." Both Sarah and Mark's eyes widen, confusion written all over their face. "I am an idiot, an idiot for spending so much time loving an asshole like you, someone so disgusting that I can't even bother to look at. Have fun with your new girl, I'm glad you're on the same level of scum." You say as you grab his phone from Sarah's hand and slam it onto his desk and grab his new phone. "I'll be taking this back, I'll leave the rest of your stuff outside the doorstep, don't bother to even talk to me ever again. We're over." You say as you and Sarah both walk out of the office, you try your best to look as strong as possible. You immediately break down once you both enter the elevator.

"You were so brave," Sarah smiles softly as she comforts you and hugs you, you cry into her shoulder.

"Why do I already regret this?"

[marvel-has-my-soul]

Jet Fighter

(Peter Parker x OC Female)

Description: Jet is a girl with wings and superhuman strength. Need I say more?

CHAPTER 3-

Lily Fisher

Jet walked next to Tony as he led her through the Penthouse of Stark tower, her small suitcase rolling loudly on the title behind her.

"I've made a deal with Ross that you will live a normal life in exchange, you can walk free." Jet nodded along, figuring it was best not to argue against him.

"No flying. You have to hide your wings anytime you're in public." Tony continued, "I've already confiscated your suit, but you can keep your watch. All weapon systems have been disabled though."

"But I can have my wings out here, right?" Jet asked. Tony nodded.

"Yes, you can stretch them out here, but only on this floor and the one below us. These are private floors and only those how already know about you are allowed up. We can't rist anyone else working here seeing you."

"Okay...well that doesn't seem so bad." Jet said, trying to stay positive. "I mean, this isn't a permanent thing, right?" She laughed slightly. "Just long enough to get Ross off our backs." Tony didn't answer. Jet's smile faded and she looked up at Tony.

"How long will I have to do this?" She asked, scared of the answer.

"You'll also have to go to school." Tony went on, ignoring the question all together. Jet froze in place, Tony walking a few places ahead before realizing Jet was no longer next to him. He stopped and turned, an eyebrow raised.

"Is there a problem?"

"School? Why?" She spat.

"We have to convince the world that you are a normal teenager. And that means school."

"But... but what about homeschooling? Or that tutor that you hired for me?" Jet negotiated desperately. Tony crossed his arms and shook his head.

"Sorry kid. You're going to Midtown High School and that's final."

"Midtown?!" Jet shouted. "But that's over 40 minutes away!"

"I know. You can't in anyway be related to me or Stark industries. The further the school, the better." Tony said. Jet let out a jiff and marched passed Tony, in the direction of her new room.

"One more thing." Tony called after her. Jet halted but didn't turn around. "We'll need to find you a new name. You start school in two weeks." Tony said.

Without a word, Jet continued to her room, walking in and slamming the door. Leaning against the door for a moment, she took a fee breaths, scanning the nearly empty room. It was stark white, reminding Jet of her cell. The only differences seemed to be a bathroom off to the side, and large window along one wall.

Jet abandoned her suit case at the door and ran towards the window. She tried to pull it open, only to find it was sealed shut. She let out a groan and lensed on the window, watching a plane fly overhead.

"Jet another precaution." Jet whipped around to see Tony standing at the door, looking around the bare room.

"The rest of your things should be arriving tomorrow. You can decorate this room anyway you want." With those words, Tony left, leaving the door wide open. Jet stomped forward and slammed the door, locking it tightly.

***

Two weeks flew by and soon Jet woke up to her alarm at 6:30 am. She groaned loudly, swinging an arm out from under her sheets and punching the clock off the nightstand. It fell to the floor with a crash and the alarm stopped. Jet snuggled deeper into her pillows.

"It's time to get up." Friday's electronic voice echoed through the room. Jet let out another groan and sat up, her eyes squinting through the dim light of the sunrise shinning through the window. She sat there, angry at the world.

"Friday, close the blinds." She demanded through a yawn. The blinds fall closed, plunging the room back into darkness. Jet fell back into bed, burying her face into a pillow.

"Mr. Stark will be disappointed if you are not up in approximately one minute." Friday said.

"How will he know if I'm up or not." Jet asked, her voice muffled by the pillow.

"Because he wanted to make sure you were up ." Tony's voice answered. Jet shot up out of bed in a panic to see Tony standing in the door way. She reverted back to a scowl.

"The door was locked." She snapped.

"I own this door. You think I dont have a key to it?" Jet rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Hurry up and get dressed, Lily Fisher." Tony said before leaving.

Lily Fisher. That was her alias for the public. And Jet hated everything about it. She stood there for a moment, collecting herself before getting dressed for the day.

Jet was just about to walk out the door when Friday spoke up.

"You forgot your jacket." Jet groaned and ripped the jacket from its hanger and pulled it over her shoulders, the bulk of the oversized jacket successfully hiding her wings.

Jet left the room and shuffled to the kitchen. She pouted a bowl of Froot Loops, but ended up just staring at it angrily. Happy walked in, jingling his keys in his hand.

"Ready to go?" He asked. Jet pushed the untouched bowl into the sink and grabbed her bag, following Happy to the elevator down to the parking garage without a word.

The car ride was long and uneventful, Jet even dosed off and earned another 20 minutes of sleep until the car jerked to a stop three blocks away from the school.

Happy unlocked the door and Jet got out.

"Have a good day, kid!" Happy said.

"Unlikely." Jet slammed the door and walked the remainder of the way to school until she stood outside of the intimating building. Teenagers milled around outside, laughing and talking to each other like normal people. Jet took a deep breath and walked inside.

***

Not much could be said about Jet’s first classes in school. She had successfully caught up in her studies before the term began, so the actual curriculum wasn’t the hard part in all of this. It was the interacting with people her own age. She could hold a conversation with Steve or Sam just fine, but when it came to teenagers, she was at a loss. They talked about last nights episodes of their favorite shows, vine compilations that were titled “vines that keep me from ending it all” or “vines that really butter my eggroll,” whatever that meant. They were hyped about their favorite sports teams or the Friday night party that someone was hosting. Jet couldn’t relate to any of that. Fighting techniques? Got it. Shooting a gun? Done. Her days at the Avenger’s Facility? Covered. But talking about mundane things that she had never even heard off? Impossible.

Jet sat down at an empty lunch table, watching everyone interact around her. A group of guys, jocks, high-fived and shouted at each other from across the table. A clique of girls in short skirts strutted down the isle of tables, each of them swaying their hips unnaturally to catch the attention of any guy in their vicinity. Band geeks hung around each other, some supporting heavy instruments, while others tapped against the lunch table. Couples made out with each other up against walls, tables, other people.

Jet picked at her lunch lazily, not mustering up any sort of appetite. After the day she had, she could confirm that she was what one would call an introvert. All this human interaction was too much for her to bear and all she wanted was to take a nap. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by a tray slamming down on the table right in front of her and a backpack being tossed carelessly to the tile floor. Jet looked up to see a darker skinned girl with crazy curly hair and a smirk etched on her face. Without a word, she sat down and held her hand out.

“Call me MJ.” She said. Jet timidly reached forward and took the girls outstretched hand.

“Lily.” She responded, the foreign name falling from her mouth without emotion. The girl released her hand and began shoveling food into her mouth.

“Aren’t you hungry?” She asked through bites. 

“No...not really.” Jet answered, waiting for MJ to tell her why she was sitting here in the first place.

“You’d better eat something now. Ms. Warren doesn’t let people eat in her class.” Jet tilted her head and her shoulders tensed.

“How did you-”

“Your schedule’s sitting right there, I’d have to be blind not to see it.” MJ interrupted.

“Why are you sitting here?” Jet asked.

“Simple. You’re in my spot.” 

“Oh! Um, sorry...I didn’t realize.” Jet moved to put her things away when MJ started laughing.

“I’m just playing, Lils. Lighten up a little, will ya?” She reached across the table and lightly punched Jet across the shoulder. Jet let out an uneasy laugh, not sure how to interact with this strange, but oddly friendly girl. 

“I noticed you were new and I’ve decided to take you under my wing.” Jet nearly snorted at MJ’s analogy. If only she knew. 

MJ kept good on her decision, dragging Jet along with her and showing her the ropes of Midtown High School. They had a few of the same classes, and MJ made sure to fill her in on every teachers flaws. MJ was her guide, and Jet knew that she would probably be lost without her.

But by the end of the day, while MJ felt she may have made a friend, Jet knew that she could never make friends based off of lies. The people at this school knew Lily Fisher. Not Jet.

"See you later." MJ waved goodbye to Jet as they parted ways. Jet waved back and then turned, hurrying down the streets to where Happy had already parked his car. She hopped in and he drove off.

"How was school?" He asked, looking at her in the rearview mirror. Jet shrugged.

"Can you be friends with someone if they dont actually know your real identity?" She asked, leaning her head against the window and shutting her eyes.

"If the friendship is real, then it shouldn't matter whether they know your real name or not. And if they're really your friend, maybe in the long run, you can tell them." Happy responded.

"Yea, over Tony's dead body." Jet scoffed.

"He just wants to keep you safe, kid."

"No he wants to keep me restrained. There's a difference." Happy opened his mouth to respond, but saw Jet had closed her eyes and was snoring softly.

Happy drove silently for a few minutes before his phone rang. He answered it, making sure to talk quietly.

"How's she doing?" Tony asked through the phone.

"She's passed out in the back seat. Think she had too much human interaction for one day." Happy said, looking back at Jet as he pulled to a stop at a red light.

"Do you think she had a good day?"

"Hard to tell. I think she may have made a friend, but isn't sure about it being surrounded by lies."

"It's for the best."

"That's what I told her."

Tag list:

@ginger-elf-queen

[tuellertrails]

It’s hard to put into words what our first week on trail has been like, but I’ll try.

Tiring. Hot. Cold. Amazing. Beautiful. Adventure. Ouch. Hungry. Thirsty. Dirty. Smelly.

There you have it!

Starting out the PCT was an emotional experience. It was surreal hiking those first few miles, and then it just sinks in “oh right, this is just hiking. And hiking is just walking. And walking is tiring. Wow it’s hot. Wait, how am I already this dirty?” We only made it about .3 miles when we came upon a little campground with some trail angels that we talked to briefly. One of them was an older man with long white silver hair and blue eyes named Legend who apparently is a triple crowner (has hiked the PCT, AT and CDT). He told us to put our hands towards the trail and then grab some air and cup it into a ball in our hands. He said we had grabbed a little piece of magic from the PCT and it is carried in all the hikers who had gone before us and that we were all connected. He told us to hold it up to our hearts to absorb, but being the brilliant nurse that I am, I held it to the right side of my chest instead of the left, so I guess that means the magic went into my rib cage instead. I’m not an expert in PCT magic 🤷🏻‍♀️ so who knows how it will affect me. Magic ribs? Time will tell. He also told us to take another piece of PCT magic and put it in our pocket to give to a friend. I will sell mine to the highest bidder. Authentic PCT magic, hard to come by, Bitcoin will be accepted as a trade.

Hiking has been very physically exhausting for me, more than I expected to be honest. We’re going about 2-2.3 miles per hour at this point, and have done 10-16 miles per day. We wake up between 6-7 AM, pack up our stuff and head out. Generally we eat breakfast at our first break of the day after 3-4 miles, and I’ve found that I need a break about every 3 miles. If we can get to a great spot for lunch, we will generally take at least an hour and sometimes more if it’s in the heat of the day. We try to stop hiking between 5-6 pm, so we can have time to set up camp, make dinner, roll out our feet and sore muscles, and write in our journals before bed. We are very tired every night, but sometimes we don’t sleep very well if it’s windy or very cold. I always take my trusty Benadryl and sleep better with it!

The hardest part for me so far has been the wear and tear on my feet. The biggest mistake I made at the start was not putting inserts in my shoes. My feet have been in a lot of pain and I’ve had to take more breaks to roll them out to continue hiking. No matter how tired I am, I have to roll out my feet at the end of the day or they fee pretty rough the next day. I’ve also been dealing with some blisters and some chafing, so basically everything hurts! Doing miles on miles every single day is a lot of work, and we are sore every day. Other hikers that we’ve met who have done other thru hikes assure us that we will get our trail legs (eventually) but it’s going to take about 3 weeks

Ok, enough complaining!! We have met some amazing people. Landon’s cousin Justin hiked out with us the first day and it was fun to give him a taste of the trail. There was a small group of people that we started with who have been a bit faster than us and are now ahead of us on the trail, but maybe we’ll run into them again!

We met a mother and son duo named Chris and Pat. Pat is a psychologist at a University and counsels students. She was the nicest friendliest little lady and I immediately liked her. Chris, her son, works in film media and is trying to become a landscape photographer. They were both lovely but Pat can't go very fast so I'm not sure we'll see them again, but we're following each other on Instagram now.

We’ve spent quite a bit of time with a small group of hikers, hiking and also hanging out with them in Julian (where we are taking our first zero day, no hiking and only lots of resting, eating and socializing). Half of them are not American which is exciting! Florian is from Germany and is a super interesting guy. He works for Google and has lived in Australia, the UK, and most recently in San Francisco. We talked about the differences between Germany and Europe, some about politics (how crazy American politics are compared to relatively boring German ones), gun control, Mental illness and lack of resources in America, our messed up healthcare system, the largeness of Australian huntsman spiders, and a whole bunch of other things. Lauren is from Canada and loves to quiz you about geography and ask fun questions. Today she asked "which animal most represents the place that you live?" Landon and I debated for a while and decided on a big horn sheep 🐑. She and Florian met on the JMT and are hiking together as friends as they both have significant others. She is always scavenging for everyone’s extra food and someone suggested that her trail name be Trash Panda (people give each other “trail names” on thru hikes, and then that’s how people introduce themselves. We haven’t gotten ours yet but it’s only a matter of time). I don’t think she accepted that trail name though 😂


Another woman from the group is from Germany named Silke who is a bit more shy but still friendly, and man is she fit. She just blazed past us on the trail today. We also gave her a piece of pop tart and some skittles to try, and she hated both, which was very funny to watch her disgusted reaction. She hasn’t built up the junk food tolerance that we have I suppose, it takes years to build and I started very young! Carolina is from the Czech Republic, and has a great sense of humor. I can’t imagine the kind of bravery it takes to go to a foreign country where you know no one and the language spoken isn’t your first language, and taking on a monumental task like hiking the PCT. It’s pretty incredible and I have a lot of respect for all the hikers, but especially the foreign ones. We took a picture yesterday before Carolina had showered and she said “I look so dirty and crazy!” 😂 I ask just about everyone “what does your family think of your coming out to do this?” and the most common answers include “they don’t really get it...” and “They think I’m crazy.”

Otter is a 58 year old guy who was in the airforce for 30 years and has spent the last 5 years of his retirement hiking and traveling. He hiked the Appalachian Trail in 2019. Otter said that he decided to hike the AT initially because he read a story of a guy in his town who hiked it when he was 18. The guy had to ask permission from the board of education in Virginia to graduate high school early in order to hike it, and they told him no, so he quit high school and did it anyways. Otter told us that he read that and it stuck with him, and he made it a goal of his to hike the AT someday. He said it took 35 years, but he always remembered that guy and wanted to do it. Just goes to show that you never know what kind of impact you can have on the people around you! He has been very kind to us and let us come to the Airbnb that he had rented to do laundry and shower when we got into Julian, and we have used the Airbnb as a hangout zone for our whole group yesterday and today, which has been great. After showering and having clean clothes, we almost felt like normal people 😂. In Mt Laguna at mile 42, we showered in a campground bathroom and washed our laundry in the shower like the hiker trash we now are. Real food from a restaurant and a cold drink from a trail angel (people that provide food/drinks/rides to hikers) is also incredible. When you’re living so minimally, the little things are a big deal!

Lastly we have Brandon, who I met on Instagram last year and was also supposed to hike the trail but canceled due to Covid. He ended up getting a permit for this year too and started the day after us (coincidentally he is also a travel nurse). Last night, after hanging out at the Airbnb, We camped behind the Julian Market (they allow PCT hikers to camp there) and Brandon came too. At 5:30 in the morning after just settling back down into his sleeping bag after getting up to pee, he hears a voice say “oh good, you’re up. I really need someone to talk to.” He looks over and sees this strange girl that he doesn’t know (and wasn’t there when we went to bed) who is wrapped up in her sleeping bag. He says “Oh, um..are you ok?” And she says “I have no pants”. And proceeds to tell him that she ripped her hiking shorts and didn’t carry any warm sleeping clothes because they were too heavy. He tells her that she needs to have warm base layers if she is going to continue hiking (and not die) and that she can pick some up at the gear store in town. She tells him that she asked the guy she was hiking with if she could come and cuddle with him and he told her no, so she knocked on some random strangers window at 3 AM and asked for a ride from Mt Laguna to Julian, and the stranger gave her a ride (and luckily didn’t murder her). So that’s how she ended up on that back porch in Julian, possibly staring at Brandon for hours and willing him to wake up to tell him this. Apparently she talked to him for about 45 more minutes and at some point said that she was waiting for her meds to arrive. He said “Maybe you should call your family?” And she said “no way! They’ll freak out” 😬. Landon and I were returning from using the bathroom and we walked right past them, I thought that they knew each other somehow and somehow missed the pleading desperation in Brandon’s eyes to help him in this incredibly awkward 5:30 AM conversation with this random girl. Eventually she ended up going to the pie shop across the street and sitting in there to get warm and charge her phone. Long story short, I really hope that girl is ok, because hiking the PCT is hard enough as it is without having any warm pants. Also, hiking is not a replacement for a support system and therapy. Be safe and get mentally healthy before you hike!!

One last funny story. This morning we were eating at a diner when the waitress came over to take our order. She looked at me hesitantly and said “Um...I’m not sure how to handle this...you have a spider on your hat.” I yelped and threw my hat on the table. She grabbed my hat and took it outside and gently shook it off and de-spidered it for me before bringing it back to me 😥. What a good lady!! Please tell people if they are wearing spiders and help them out. I guess I am just becoming one with nature now.

Anyways, this is long enough, but I just want to say that we’ve had lots of great experiences, seen beautiful scenery, and met awesome people. Even though this is incredibly hard, it’s such a cool adventure and I am loving having a great partner to experience it with me. Hoping my feet are doing better in the next section and that none of my blisters get infected! Our friends helped me shake down my pack today and I was able to get rid of at least a pound in weight. When you carry everything on your back, hips and shoulders, every little ounce makes a difference! Much love to everyone and thanks for the support, it’s been a great first week!

- Joscelyn

P.S. - I’ll post our daily mileage for anyone who is interested

Day 1

Start: Mile 0 Mexican Border

Stop: Mile 11.4

Total: 11.4 miles

Day 2

Start: Mile 11.4

Stop: Mile 26 Boulder Creek Campground

Total: 14.6 miles

Went thru Lake Morena

Day 3

Start: Mile 26 Boulder Creek Campground

Stop: Mile 37.1

Total: 11.1 miles

Elevation gain: about 3k feet 🦶

Day 4

Start: Mile 37.1

Stop: Mile 47.7

Total Mileage: 10.6

Went thru Mt Laguna

Day 5

Start: Mile 47.7

Stop: Mile 63.7

Total: 16 Miles

Day 6

Start: Mile 63.7

Stop: Mile 77

Total: 13.3 Miles

Day 7

Zero Day In Julian

[demonofthelight]

Life stories: Simon Clarke

Joanne (presenter): What keeps you awake at night, like what do you regret the most?

Simon: I don't know if I regret anything because everything teaches you something. Everything we go through is a lesson in life.

Joanne: That's the diplomatic response. What's the real response? If you could change something what would be?

Simon: There's this girl, anyone that listens to this podcast regularly probably knows all about her. Well, I can't regret us ending, because she's getting married in, what's the date? She's getting married in less than a month and she's meant to be happy so I don't regret us ending. I regret being so unimportant in her eyes that we don't still speak. I regret that, more than anything. I don't know if she was the 'one' but she was a friend. A friend I will forever adore.

Joanne: Does that keep you awake at night.

Simon: I wouldn't go that far but there are days I wonder about her.

Joanne: If she was watching this show, what would you say to her?

Simon: I'm sorry I never made her happy and I'm sorry she felt pressured by me. There's this story where a mutual friend once told me, this girl who I don't want to name Joanne, I really don't. You've shown pictures there but she doesn't look the same anymore not even the same coloured hair. Anyway this mutual friend told me she 'hates me for bringing her up'. Honestly, I'm sick of talking about it but I was always taught there's no taboo subject.

Joanne: Do you wish you two stayed in touch?

Simon: Mixed. (looking uncomfortable and shifting) I wish we never drifted so apart into two different circles but the circle she mixes in aren't compatible with the circle I drift in. I don't want to sound like an arrogant asshole. I mean it's nothing to do with superiority or a god complex. The circles I drift in are quite intellectual. Political debates, university alumina, professional jobs, e-sports. The circles she drifts in are more materialistic or hobby orientated. Motorbikes, sports etc. I mean some of those people think I'm literally the worst thing to happen to her, while some of the people in my circle find those who can't debate infuriating. The reality is the person she is now and the person I am now are completely different.

Joanne: Moving on to the death of your mom. Can you remember the day you found out?

Simon: Like it was yesterday. I got woke up in the morning while the paramedics were in my kitchen. I got told that my mom had died in her sleep and as you can imagine my father was in bits. I didn't know how to process it initially so I stayed in my room for about an hour. As time passed, I just wanted to be hugged and told I wasn't as alone as I felt.

Joanne: I'm sure your sisters and brother were by your side.

Simon: Of course, but they were trying to come to grips with it too. To be entirely honest, I reached out to a friend the following day or within the next few days. It became a blur that week but I remember distinctly that the one female who I loved and depended on to that level other than my mother was my ex. I spent the time up until the funeral genuinely believing she would pop over and check up on me even after we broke up on bad terms.

Joanne: How did your friend react , how did they support you?

Simon: As we've touched on, I was a loner in school. Until near the end of high school, I was a bullied shy kid. I didn't have any true friends. But this moment, this terrible event, Matthew made me realise I would never have to go through a travesty alone. He took time out to go for a drink with me during that week and he took the day off work to go to my mom's funeral. He's a complete atheist. He think's my philosophy on the afterlife is closer to Stephen King than history textbooks but he literally walked probably a few miles to and from the funeral just to show his support. I've never told him how much that meant to me. But I'd like to think he just knows.

Joanne: I'm sure he wasn't the only friend over that time?

Simon: No, I have another fantastic friend called Andrew. I had a very bitter falling out over him trying to get me support and honestly anyone else would have knocked me out for the abuse I gave him over it. He just laughed it off. One of two friends that I can depend on, hopefully and as far as I'm concerned the rest of my life.

Joanne: You mentioned the girl again (picture of 2011 as a couple goes on screen), her family is your neighbour right so they knew about what happened with your mom but didn't she text you or call in?

Simon: Her parents lived opposite the street, but she never asked or showed concern on my wellbeing. I have no entitlement of that care. It's her right to feel or act in any legal way she wishes. I'll respect her freedom to do that for as long as I can.

Joanne: How does that make you feel?

Simon: It made me realise our perspectives on the 18 months we were in a relationship were different. For me, it was a fantastic period and I imagine for her it's best to forget it.

Joanne: Does that bother you?

Simon: Should it? People change, circumstances change. Can we move on?

Joanne: OK. We'll go to a break... Welcome back. I'd like to talk about university and is it true that you were warned before you enrolled?

Simon: As a 18 year old child. I made a stupid comment about a friend publicly on Facebook. My friend found it hilarious and it's the sort of dark humour we say to each other over voice chat and in person but someone twisted what I said to imply someone who died in my local area. Well implied the post was about them. I never met and couldn't care less about them. I apologised and thought that was the end of it but a formal police report was filed and the individuals informed my university who at this point had just provided me with an offer to enrol that I accepted. I mean top business college diploma in the county, they ripped the hands off for me. So that was interesting. The university was great about it. The police were as incompetent as you can imagine but it did teach me that don't say anything on social media that can't be literally taken. Like this will go up on YouTube and Tumblr. So anything I say can be proved.

Joanne: How did you emotionally react to this event, where what you said was taken out of context?

Simon: Betrayed by others but I was stupid and naiive. You can't be those things especially as a successful businessman. At this time a lot of falsehoods and rumours came around ranging from me being a drug addict to committing sexual assault. It was obvious at this point those who had ever had a conversation with me knew that I had traditional moral values so the accusations were as ridiculous as they sound. Childish rumours spread to squash what I had to say. My friends just ignored them, and the people the bullshit influenced were better off not in my life anyway.

Joanne: I've only met you twice and you're quite outspoken about some controversial subjects but its obvious to me morally your the other way. Severely punish criminals, probably too far in my opinion.

Simon: I agree, my opinions can be quite controversial but I'm as against illegal drugs as I love a cup of tea. Even my critics would tell you that.

Joanne: You've gone from a social media account with 50000 followers overall to less than a tenth of the size. Why do you think this is and does it bother you?

Simon: I used to be a depressing blogger with poems, and writing that was soul crushing but honest about my thoughts or feelings about myself. I then started to feel less lost so naturally started writing about facts not emotions. Politics was always a topic I found fascinating. I've always been debating since I can remember. I get off on a debate, which is why it's hilarious to mock those that call you names because they can't debate the facts of the topic. I started looking at things like the wage gap and white privilege economically and they don't hold up to the scrutiny expected in academic work. They just don't. Those that believe either of those things are either stupid or lied too.

Joanne: I don't want to go down the rabbit hole of politics because it's become who you are but if I can, I want to touch on 'getting off' of those that call you names in other words 'Trolls' can you elaborate on that?

Simon: I'll give you an example. I'm quite camp just look at what I'm wearing so I got an anon message on Tumblr once that read 'you are a gay homophobic sexist Nazi that should just kill yourself'. How hilarious is the stupidity of that statement. If I was gay, I couldn't be homophobic and gay people aren't allowed to be a Nazi. It shows the idiocy of these people that are probably children.

Joanne: Does these kind of hate messages matter to you?

Simon: Of course it matters, everybody wants to be liked. Those that claim otherwise are lying. But the opinions of people I've never met who are so ashamed of themselves they hide through anonymous, do not matter to me. The opinions of friends and parents of friends matter to me.

Joanne: You once said you were 'bad with women'.

Simon: Oh God, yea. I really wish I hadn't had said that. It was on an emotional post at 3am. It was a spur of the moment thought. I don't think I'm naturally bad with women but I am a marmite figure. I'm not universally liked. Most people I meet are probably intimidated by me. I think the women that I find attractive clearly don't normally find me attractive.

Joanne: Why is that? What type of women do you find attractive?

Simon: I'm probably a 6 out of ten, if I could lose the acne probably a good 7. I tend to fall for either the tall slim blonde or the short petite unique person. I'm quite simple like that. Then if they are able to debate or disagree with me brilliantly, I just adore them.

Joanne: (laughs) So you see yourself as just above average?

Simon: In looks, I do. In style, I'm quite unique and some people hate that I stand out. In personality, I am extremely demanding but I also expect that from myself.

Joanne: Do you ever think about children?

Simon: I did. I thought about marriage and kids but I've only ever found three people in 21 years that I could see having a life with. I do think about children's names though, I have top three for both genders. For a boy: Constantine, Excalibur or Arthur. For a girl: Katherine, Kate or Kathleen.

Joanne: Do you think it's fair when some people refer to you as egotistical, arrogant or psychotic?

Simon: It's no business of mine what other's perceive me to be. I can only concentrate on who I am and I'm none of those things.

Joanne: Do you like being the centre of attention with someone claiming you 'have to be seen to be the most overdressed person because you need the attention?

Simon: I don't mind it, but I don't actively pursue it. I don't really mind whether someone outshines me. I love a challenge and I think demanding the best from myself constantly while can be quite exhausting to see, is who I am whether that's monopoly, gaming or dressing.