#web-based excel

[full-frontal-lotus]

Step to Recovery #7: Block the originator of the discourse. Always.

[river-taxbird]

AI hasn't improved in 18 months. It's likely that this is it. There is currently no evidence the capabilities of ChatGPT will ever improve. It's time for AI companies to put up or shut up.

I'm just re-iterating this excellent post from Ed Zitron, but it's not left my head since I read it and I want to share it. I'm also taking some talking points from Ed's other posts. So basically:

We keep hearing AI is going to get better and better, but these promises seem to be coming from a mix of companies engaging in wild speculation and lying.

Chatgpt, the industry leading large language model, has not materially improved in 18 months. For something that claims to be getting exponentially better, it sure is the same shit.

Hallucinations appear to be an inherent aspect of the technology. Since it's based on statistics and ai doesn't know anything, it can never know what is true. How could I possibly trust it to get any real work done if I can't rely on it's output? If I have to fact check everything it says I might as well do the work myself.

For "real" ai that does know what is true to exist, it would require us to discover new concepts in psychology, math, and computing, which open ai is not working on, and seemingly no other ai companies are either.

Open ai has already seemingly slurped up all the data from the open web already. Chatgpt 5 would take 5x more training data than chatgpt 4 to train. Where is this data coming from, exactly?

Since improvement appears to have ground to a halt, what if this is it? What if Chatgpt 4 is as good as LLMs can ever be? What use is it?

As Jim Covello, a leading semiconductor analyst at Goldman Sachs said (on page 10, and that's big finance so you know they only care about money): if tech companies are spending a trillion dollars to build up the infrastructure to support ai, what trillion dollar problem is it meant to solve? AI companies have a unique talent for burning venture capital and it's unclear if Open AI will be able to survive more than a few years unless everyone suddenly adopts it all at once. (Hey, didn't crypto and the metaverse also require spontaneous mass adoption to make sense?)

There is no problem that current ai is a solution to. Consumer tech is basically solved, normal people don't need more tech than a laptop and a smartphone. Big tech have run out of innovations, and they are desperately looking for the next thing to sell. It happened with the metaverse and it's happening again.

In summary:

Ai hasn't materially improved since the launch of Chatgpt4, which wasn't that big of an upgrade to 3.

There is currently no technological roadmap for ai to become better than it is. (As Jim Covello said on the Goldman Sachs report, the evolution of smartphones was openly planned years ahead of time.) The current problems are inherent to the current technology and nobody has indicated there is any way to solve them in the pipeline. We have likely reached the limits of what LLMs can do, and they still can't do much.

Don't believe AI companies when they say things are going to improve from where they are now before they provide evidence. It's time for the AI shills to put up, or shut up.

[trunao]

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[danmeidiaries]

Ranking Cdramas

I've seen 10 cdramas and I decided to rank them all. If the cdrama is based on a book, I will only be taking the drama into account and I will not be including donghuas in this particular ranking. These are all my personal opinions but I would love to hear some others! Let me know if you agree or disagree.

10. 'Love Game in Eastern Fantasy'

Plot: After a rough day at work and being disappointed by her favorite author's latest web novel, Ling Miaomiao finds herself transported into the story as the villainous Lin Yu destined to meet a miserable fate at the hands of the protagonist's brother Mu Sheng. Tasked with making Mu Sheng fall in love with her 100% in order to return home, Ling Miaomiao tries to change the novel's original tragic ending.

Episode Count: 32

As a Scum Villain fan, I love a good transmigration plotline. This show had all the potential and the first half is excellent. However, after they get to the Capital, it all starts to unravel and although there's still a few funny scenes and some great action, it's nowhere near as good as the first half of the show.

5/10

9. The Story of Yanxi Palace

Plot: Historical drama about the rise of Wei Yingluo (the Qianlong Emperor's Third Empress) in the imperial harem. Beginning as a palace maid investigating the murder of her elder sister, Wei Yingluo must learn to naviagte the machinations of Qianlong's consorts as they all vie for favor and power within the palace.

Episode Count: 90

The first cdrama I ever watched. Wei Yingluo is an excellent protagonist and the show has many intriguing mysteries and plot lines. The long episode count does mean that some of the middle has a lot of filler, but there is a lot to enjoy in this fun show. Although there is a love triangle element, I really enjoy Qianlong and Wei Yingluo's interactions as they have a very atypical love story.

7.5/10

8. A Familiar Stranger

Summary: Painter Shi Qi is forcibly face-swapped with the Prime Minister's daughter Shen Qin who doesn't want to go through with her arranged marriage.

Episode Count: 18 (10-12 minutes each)

This webdrama available on YouTube has an intriguing plotline and some great chemistry between the leads. However, in an exact opposite problem to Yanxi Palace, the short episode count and length leave some things unexplored that could have been interesting in a longer show.

7.8/10

7. Guardian

Summary: In Haixing, the SID led by Zhao Yunlan investigate mysterious deaths related to a subterranean alien species known as Dixingrens who possess powerful unique abilities. As cases become more frequent, Shen Wei, a professor at the university, seems to have some kind of connection to them.

Episode Count: 40

This might ruffle some feathers. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Guardian and Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei are one of the best cdrama couples out there. (Chu Shuzhi and Guo Changcheng also have a cute side relationship), but i think the amount of censorship and having to rework parts of the novel ended up harming the cohesiveness of the show's over-arching narrative. Still a great show and the final stretch of episodes are some of my favorites in cdrama overall.

8/10

6. Till the End of the Moon

Summary: To save the world from the Devil God Tantai Jin, Li Susu travels back 500 years to when he was human with the task of killing him and preventing him from becoming a devil god. Unexpectedly awakening as Tantai Jin's abusive wife Ye Xiwu, the two begin to develop real feelings towards one another.

Episode Count: 40

Now we're getting into the home stretch of cdramas I genuinely don't have any issues with and it's just coming down to personal preference. The chemistry is amazing, the CGI is the best I've ever seen in a cdrama, the plotline is masterfully done. But by god these biches need to work on their communication issues and misunderstanding plotlines make me want to claw my face off (there's quite a few).

8.5/10

5. Love Between Fairy and Devil

Summary: Xiao Lanhua, a low-ranking flower fairy in Shuiyuntan accidentally and unknowingly frees Dongfang Qingcang, the Moon Supreme devil god imprisoned 10,000 years ago. After a bond is formed where Dongfang QIngcang can feel all of her physical and emotional pain, he is forced to keep her safe as he tries to work out how to break it.

Episode Count: 36

Another show with fantastic chemistry between the leads, a villain reveal I genuinely didn't see coming, and has some of the funniest and most tragic scenes I've ever seen. Did I cry watching this show - yes. Unashamedly. Dylan Wang is too good of an actor. And I'm a sucker for a good Hades x Persephone romance.

8.8/10

4. Fangs of Fortune

Summary: 8 years after attacking the Demon Hunting Bureau, the demon Zhu Yan shows up on the doorstep asking to work together with them.

Episode Count: 34 + Bonus Episode

This show has something for everyone. Great CGI, bisexual polycule (or GL and BL, or just het) vibes, a great story and some of the best stunt work and action choreography I've ever seen. I wish there were more episodes and that it had fully committed to the ZYC + ZYZ angle.

9/10

3. Justice in the Dark (ongoing - could jump in the rankings dramatically if the ending sticks the landing)

Summary: In the futuristic Xinzhou City, 1.3% of the population are affected by a radiation caused genetic defect that leaves them unable to empathise. These 'Apaths' are considered prone to criminal behaviour and their crimes are investigated by Luo Weizhao's Special Investigation Division (SID). Pei Su, a young millionaire at odds with Luo Weizhao due to events in their past becomes connected to a series of unusual crimes with thematic ties to classic literature read aloud by a mysterious broadcaster.

Episode Count: 30 (25 aired as of this post)

Thank you Japan for releasing the rest of the episodes. Excellent chemistry between the two lead, the cases are all fascinating and I'm a sucker for a good literary reference. If this show sticks the landing with the finale it could very well jump to number 1 on this list. I can't wait to see how this show concludes.

9.5/10

2. Word of Honor

Summary: Former assassin Zhou Zishu quits the Window of Heaven and goes into hiding. With only a few years left to live, he plans to live out the rest of his days alone until he meets Wen Kexing - a mysterious man who sees through his disguise and proceeds to follow him everywhere he goes.

Episode Count: 36 + Bonus episode

Insane chemistry, great stunt choreo and a great story. The show that made everyone say "hey, doesn't China have censorship???" This show was meant to have 45 episodes originally (cut down to 36) and it does show a bit in the second half, but Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu are my 2nd favorite cdrama couple for a reason.

9.5/10

The Untamed

Summary: 16 years after his widely celebrated death, demonic cultivator Wei Wuxian is suddenly resurrected in a new body. After reuniting with Lan Wangji, a man from his first life, the two work together to solve the mysteries of the present and the past.

Episode Count: 50

The one, the only. The TV show that changed my life. PERFECTION. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji remain my favorite cdrama couple ever. The directions this show took altered my brain chemistry and changed my outlook on so many things. The gold standard of cdramas.

10/10

Reminder: These are all my personal opinions but I'd love to hear other people's!

[shadesofmauve]

Mass Effect galaxy map

(For the Rhi Shepard universe)

I've been writing, if by 'writing' one means 'making a new galaxy map to use as a reference, because I'm too picky.'

I copied some symbology from Droot1986's excellent galaxy map. I also used Engorn's map as a reference, but ultimately the clusters and connections are based on the wiki. All systems within a cluster are listed, with inhabited planets in parentheses.

(...yeah, I should probably make a legend, but I only made it for my reference, so).

Features/changes

The relay in the Sol system only connects to Arcturus. This is how it's supposed to work in canon lore; Arcturus is important because it's a gateway system, while Sol is a dead end.

(Also, Sol is now in basically the right place compared to the underlying artist's impression of the milky way. Thank you NASA.)

Batarian's now have some space of their own, because lumping all batarian space into the human Systems Alliance was just BEGGING for a war. Like, WTF. Their government is flat out evil but that doesn't mean we just get to say their planets are ours now.

Combined inner and outer council space because idgaf.

There's a new, boringly named relay between Kite's Nest, Petra, and Exodus, because I needed one in chapter 14.

If a cluster had written lore about where it was in the galaxy, I tried to reflect that — so Styx Theta, Hawking Eta, and the Pangea Expanse are all close to the galactic core, Sentry Omega is on a political border, etc. Otherwise, I adjusted location to make the relay routes clearer. (Also I wanted the giant hub that is Omega to be almost opposite the Serpent Nebula and the Citadel)..

I imagine that there are actually a LOT more mapped clusters in Council Space than we see; they were just never relevant to the game. If not, the vaunted 'all relays lead to the Citadel' reaper web is just flat out wrong. Omega has more connections, and quite a few other clusters have as many. If there are more inhabited clusters in Citadel Space it also makes the veritable explosion of humanity look a little less ridiculous. (Seriously, humans have been on the galactic scene for thirty years. LOOK at how far we've gone. Council races are right to be freakin' terrified, the Sol system was like one of those plants with exploding seed pods where you bump it and POOF now they're EVERYWHERE). So let's assume the rest of the galaxy is as cluttered as Systems Alliance space, it's just not been relevant to our anthropocentric bag of dicks worldview.

Anyway. What the fuck is even up with the Attican Traverse?

[aventurineswife]

HELLOOOO, i was wondering:

A reader that likes watch anime, and some HSR characters gives them a try. But, what anime would you think they watch with the reader? Based on what they like or just something to start watching.

I LOVE YOUR WRITING STYLE, please don't overwork yourself a lot, have a nice day/night! <3

What Anime Would They Watch With You?

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, Ratio x Reader, Blade x Reader, Kafka x Reader, Silver Wolf x Reader, Anime Watching, Humor, Lighthearted moments, Comfort and Bonding, Can be read Platonically or Romantically.

Warnings: Mentions of psychological trauma, Light spoilers for anime, Philosophical and existential themes, Violence and combat (in anime contexts), Emotional conflict, Mild language (?), Possible mild angst(?).

A/N: I don’t watch much anime, but my sister does, so I based the anime choices on what she’s watched and told me about, as well as clips I’ve seen on yt shorts 🫣😔 ALSO THANK YOU!! 🤭💖 I'LL TRY MY BEST HEHE

Aventurine stands in front of the TV, his eyes glinting with curiosity. His usual confidence is slightly tempered by the unfamiliarity of the moment — an evening of anime watching. He’s dressed in his usual stylish attire, the gold accents catching the light as he adjusts the remote with his gloved fingers. His gaze flickers to you, a mischievous smile playing at the corners of his lips.

"So," he begins, voice smooth like a well-played hand in poker, "what do we watch tonight? I suppose I should try something new. But, I must admit, I prefer shows with a bit of strategy — something that makes you think, perhaps a game of intellect or manipulation."

You suggest Death Note, the classic tale of the battle between genius minds.

Aventurine’s smile widens. “Ah, an excellent choice. A battle of wits, a contest of who can outsmart whom. Much like life itself. I must say, the intrigue here appeals to me. The protagonist, Light Yagami, reminds me of someone who knows how to play the game... and win.”

As the opening credits roll, Aventurine lounges back, his eyes gleaming with the same focus he applies to his work at IPC. The intricate web of psychological tension between Light and L unfolds in a way that mirrors his own thinking — everything calculated, every move deliberate. The darker twists intrigue him, and he often leans over to comment on Light’s strategy, or offer his own hypothetical alternatives. Every so often, he’ll pause to explain a parallel to a strategic investment move, his voice laced with a playfulness only you can appreciate.

The night is filled with insightful discussions, his enjoyment of the show evident not just in his words but in the way his eyes spark with intellectual thrill.

Ratio enters your living room, dressed in his usual academic attire, though he seems slightly more relaxed than usual. His hair is perfectly in place, and he adjusts his glasses, his piercing eyes scanning the shelves. He’s intrigued by the idea of anime, but like everything else, he believes it must meet the highest intellectual standards.

"I assume this will be a pursuit of knowledge, correct?" he asks, his tone indicating that he is less concerned with entertainment and more with what the anime can teach him.

You offer him Steins;Gate, a mind-bending tale of time travel and its implications. Ratio raises an eyebrow, his interest piqued.

"Time travel," he mutters. "The concept is fraught with paradoxes, theoretical inconsistencies... But let's see how this unfolds."

As the show progresses, you can tell Ratio is captivated. His usual dismissiveness towards “mediocre” content fades as he engages with the intricacies of the plot. He is particularly drawn to the scientific explanations of time travel, making insightful comments about the laws of causality. The intellectual depth of Steins;Gate resonates with him, and he begins to see the show as more than just entertainment but as an exploration of the human condition through the lens of scientific theory.

His stern exterior softens slightly as he leans forward, absorbed by the delicate unraveling of fate. At one point, he pauses the show to make an impassioned argument about the ethics of time travel, his eyes alight with the thrill of the debate.

Feixiao, in her usual battle-ready attire, steps into your space with her arms crossed, her eyes narrowing slightly in skepticism. She’s not one for frivolous distractions, but she’s willing to give this anime thing a try — provided it’s something that involves action, strategy, and perhaps a little bit of inner conflict.

"You’d better not have picked something weak," she says with a smirk, her voice unwavering. "I don't have time for anything that isn't worthy of my attention."

You suggest Attack on Titan, with its intense battles and deep emotional conflicts. Feixiao grunts in approval.

"Alright, let’s see if they can deliver on the carnage." she says, as the opening scene plays out.

She’s immediately absorbed by the ferocity of the Titans and the desperation of humanity’s fight for survival. The battles, filled with adrenaline and relentless pursuit, mirror the kinds of conflicts she knows too well. She’s particularly drawn to Eren Yeager’s inner struggles — the deep rage that simmers beneath his resolve.

"That’s what I like to see," Feixiao mutters under her breath, her eyes flashing with approval as the protagonists fight with everything they have. "There’s more to these battles than just the physical; there’s emotion, too. A warrior’s mind is as sharp as their blade."

Throughout the night, she becomes invested in the character dynamics, especially Eren’s moral dilemmas. The show's dark tone and brutal honesty about the human condition resonate with her, and she even offers some commentary on the combat strategies used by the soldiers.

By the end of the night, she’s hooked, her face flushed with the excitement of both the action and the emotional weight of the series.

Blade steps into the room, his eyes burning with a quiet intensity, his demeanor as cold as the blade he wields. His mind constantly in turmoil, he’s not interested in frivolous entertainment. Everything he watches must speak to the darker aspects of his soul, and anything too light-hearted will not hold his attention.

You offer Neon Genesis Evangelion, a psychological and emotional rollercoaster that digs into the deep recesses of human existence. Blade’s expression is unreadable as he nods and sits, his eyes steely.

The first few episodes grip him, and soon he is fixated on Shinji Ikari’s inner torment — the crippling isolation, the struggle to find meaning in a world that seems bent on destruction. Blade sees pieces of himself in Shinji, his own existential struggle reflected on screen. He finds an unexpected resonance with the show's depiction of personal battles and the search for purpose in and the search for purpose in an uncaring world.

As the show delves into its more abstract and psychological themes, Blade’s face hardens in contemplation. He doesn’t speak much, but his occasional glances at you tell you everything you need to know — Neon Genesis Evangelion is more than just an anime to him; it’s a mirror to his own fractured soul.

By the end of the night, Blade is silent, lost in thought, the weight of the show's philosophical questions lingering in his mind.

Kafka strolls into the room with her usual cool confidence, adjusting her black jacket over her shoulders. Her hair sways slightly as she surveys the situation. While she doesn’t often indulge in entertainment, she’s intrigued by your suggestion to watch anime together. After all, there’s something elegant about the concept of using subtlety and manipulation to achieve one's ends, and Kafka is drawn to that kind of intrigue.

You offer Code Geass, a series filled with strategic battles, hidden motives, and complex characters. Kafka smirks, her interest piqued.

"This might be interesting. Let’s see if it lives up to the hype." she says, her voice smooth and measured.

As the episodes unfold, Kafka finds herself charmed by Lelouch vi Britannia’s calculating nature and his ability to manipulate others for his own purposes. She’s drawn to the layers of deception, the way Lelouch maneuvers through the world with his intelligence and charisma, much like herself.

"Ah, this is the kind of show I can appreciate," Kafka remarks, glancing at you with a knowing smile. "Power lies not in brute strength, but in the subtleties of the mind. Lelouch truly knows how to play the game."

By the end of the night, Kafka is hooked, her mind racing with the complex political strategies and moral questions the show raises. Her admiration for Lelouch’s ability to control events through sheer willpower is clear.

Silver Wolf lounges in her seat, her purple glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. She’s always up for a challenge, and if anime is as much of a game as you say, then she’s ready to dive in. She’s looking for something that’s both fast-paced and unpredictable, a true test of her adaptability.

You suggest Psycho-Pass, a futuristic series that blends action with deep psychological exploration and questions about the nature of justice. Silver Wolf’s eyes light up as the opening credits roll.

"Alright, this looks fun," she remarks, her fingers tapping on her leg like she’s already hacking her way through the plot. "A system that reads people's intentions? Sounds like a game I could win."

As the series progresses, Silver Wolf becomes engrossed in the moral and psychological dilemmas the characters face. She’s particularly drawn to the futuristic technology, intrigued by the interplay between the systems that control society and the human minds that try to outwit them.

"I could hack my way through this world in no time." she chuckles to herself, but she’s also genuinely captivated by the philosophical questions raised. What is justice? Who decides what is right or wrong?

By the end of the night, Silver Wolf is already planning her next anime binge, eager to see what other “games” the world of anime has to offer.

[olenvasynyt]

I know my fellow artists and creators have been frustrated with the rise of AI on Pinterest and Google.  Many of us find it difficult to serch for good references, tips, and general inspiration for art.  So I want to share my collection of good, free websites for artists, designers, film makers, and creators so we can create without ugly AI images staring in our faces 🙌

Sketchfab

An incredible source for references.  Has a huge collection of 3D animals, architecture, interior rooms, vehicles, food, objects, furniture, nature, memes, characters, etc etc etc. You can literally find several insanely detailed 3D models of the Notre Dame (this one is insane) Models can rotated at any angle as well as zoomed in and out.  You can also change the view of the model to be matcap with flat, colorless planes, wireframe, or base color as opposed to fully rendered.  

Cons: there are many uploads that are random and incredibly specific, which overwhelms the search.  Can be excellent for game designers who want to download models but for artists looking for drawing references, you might have to dig a bit for what you want.  Can be so fun for playing around and using crazy fun references for practicing.

Designspiration

As a photographer and graphic designer and someone who can doomscroll on pinterest forever, this is my favorite for finding inspiration for everything: typography, logos, product mockups, illustration, photography, web design, etc.  Has an amazing feature where you can search for art with specific hex codes!  Probably the coolest feature I’ve seen in search engines, and by far superior to google's color search. This site is mostly for design inspiration, but I feel like if you are super into moodboards, then this is the site for you too especially with the beautiful selection of photography.

Cons: I have no cons, I love this website so much and I used to be addicted to pinterest (still am actually😬) but this is easily my new favorite

Public Works by Cosmos 

Thousands of artworks enter the public domain every year, and this website is a search engine for other 100,000 of those copyright free works.  All of these works are free to edit, use, and sell with few restrictions.

Cons: I personally find the layout for the search feed a bit frustrating to look around in sometimes, because it’s not the typical "scroll up and down" website. But is very dynamic and overall fun to explore.

Same.energy 

This is a good visual search engine that’s a good replacement for Google images and Pinterest.  The minimal words makes it simple and easy, and clicking on an image you like to filter the feed to find similar images.

Cons: this is in beta so it still have some kinks to work out. It seems to struggle with specific searches and some of the images brought up in the search can be repetitive or not relevant.  

Reference Angle

A website for finding face references in any specific angle and any expression for any gender and age.

Cons: I would love this website more if it gave you the ability to customize the light source, but sadly is not an option.  I also feel like there is not a lot of racial diversity in the photos, and some of the images do not match the specific angle. But it is overall a great source for face references

Virtual Lighting Studio by zvork

A good source for light studies.  You can change the source, direction, color, and brightness as well stacking several light sources on top of each other.  

Cons: there isn’t a way to angle the face or change the expression, so it is permanently in portrait mode.  There are four different models and I’m not the biggest fan of some of them…I like the black guy the best because he looks at me kindly instead staring into my soul like the two white guys. The ads are also a bit obnoxious and for the love of god DO NOT USE IN MOBILE!!!  The ads are impossible to get rid of.

Film Grab

An archive of stills from a huge list of movies.  Good for film makers, photographers, art studies, moodboards, inspiration, etc. Has a huge selection of movies and you can search by movie, director, costume designer, aspect ratio, year, genre, and country. You can also hit random post and it'll give you a random movie, which I think is really fun.

Cons: I do not recommend mobile. The mobile does not have the option to search for a specific movie, so you're forced to scroll through the giant A-Z list of directors or films to find the specific film you were looking for.  Another con that I just discovered: a big-ass ad on the top of the website that occasionally advertises AI websites 🤢 (not shown on the screenshots I shared because ew)

Unsplash

Another image search website that has the feeling of Pinterest

Cons: some images are locked for premium only, and the feed is a bit frustrating to scroll through on mobile since they show the images one at a time instead of as a nice collage like pinterest.  Some images can also be irrelevant to the search.

Sending lots of love to my fellow artists and creative peeps out there. AI sucks and it feels like it's overwhelming the creative space. But I promise there is a way to avoid it! Keep creating 💕

[copperbadge]

Migrating Off Evernote

Evernote, a web-based notes app, recently introduced super-restrictive controls on free accounts, after laying off a number of staff and introducing AI features, all of which is causing a lot of people to migrate off the platform. I haven't extensively researched alternative sites, so I can't offer a full resource there (readers, feel free to drop your alternative sites in notes or reblogs), but because I have access to OneNote both in my professional and personal life, I decided to migrate my Evernote there.

I use them for very different things -- Evernote I use exclusively as a personal fanfic archive, because it stores fics I want to save privately both as full-text files and as links. OneNote I have traditionally used for professional purposes, mainly for taking meeting notes and storing information I need (excel formulas, how-tos for things I don't do often in our database, etc). But while Evernote had some nicer features it was essentially a OneNote clone, and OneNote has a webclipper, so I've created an account with OneNote specifically to store my old Evernote archive and any incoming fanfic I want to archive in future.

Microsoft discontinued the tool that it offered for migrating Evernote to OneNote directly, but research turned up a reliable and so-far trustworthy independent tool that I wanted to share. You export all your Evernote notebooks as ENEX files, then download the tool and unzip it, open the exe file, and import the ENEX one by one on a computer where you already have the desktop version of OneNote installed. I had no problem with the process, although some folks with older systems might.

I suspect I might need to do some cleanup post-import but some of that is down to how Evernote fucked around with tags a while ago, and so far looking through my notes it appears to have imported formatting, links, art, and other various aspects of each clipped note without a problem. I also suspect that Evernote will not eternally allow free users to export their notebooks so if nothing else I'd back up your notebooks to ENEX or HTML files sooner rather than later.

I know the number of people who were using Free Evernote and have access to OneNote is probably pretty small, but if I found it useful I thought others might too.

[magnuspanoptes]

Came across your blog and fell in love with your takes on arguably the most important dynamic in tma (like it made me miss them and actually start a relisten after like never finding the energy to after the finale years back). Do you happen to write any fics or have any fic recs?

RAHHH thank you!! this is exactly what i'm hoping to achieve every time i post yet another one of my delusional comparatives 🙂‍↕️

and i don't write fics but i do have recs!

I'd suffer all if you'd tell me, by RavenXavier is definitive S4 silence of the lambs / red dragon prison visit fic. to me.

Death Be Not Proud, by Startless - is another prison visit fic, but it's an AU where jon chose to die in his coma and woke up as an avatar of the end.

Pinned in vain desire, by statuscrows is about jon slowly developing compulsion which causes problems for elias :) they probably write the most in-character elias. he's not nice, but he's fond of jon. i recommend, like, every single one of their je fics. nobody writes beholding powers quite like them, almost every fic is based around an aspect of the beholding. Skeptic is an AU where jon finds gertrude's tape on the first day of the job. statuscrows always writes jon with his early seasons abrasiveness and mean streak intact, which is really all i want from jon's characterisation. i don't want nice jon, take that awayyy; Ritual misery is set immediately after 160 and is doing more interesting things with the web than all of S5 put together; From his prospect high - jonathan sims learns to See; Quenched in darkness you shall see - this is noncon and dead dove. read the tags! reccing this because ritual voyeurism to please the beholding is a real and true concept.

Perchance to Dream, by parva_dae and once upon a dream, by indelibleangel - are dream fics, inspired by MAG 120. first one is a snippet of elias poking around in jon's head and worsening his fear and paranoia. he would do that ^_^ and in the second one they talk. and kiss.

and lilies, by kototyph - i read two chapters while it was still ongoing but it's finished now and i haven't gotten around to it yet, but from what i remember this had, like, revolutionary elias characterisation. he's a disaster. a very well put together, beautiful disaster.

also these two one shots they wrote for jonelias week which i liked very much :3

something different crosses the threshold, by aguntoaknifefight - amnesia. classic.

a heavenly madness, by roundthedecay - this is one of the very few, proper gothic fics with these two. there's a cursed oil painting. jon's having his life ruined by said cursed painting. and jonah/elias gets a proper gothic villain treatment.

Worn to Shadows, by Ash_Rabbit, which somewhat satisfies my bluebeard itch, but it's an AU with no institute.

everything Candentia has ever written, basically. they write entity horror really well, and i think almost every one of their je fics are squarely in the horror genre, which i appreciate very much. i'm here for the horror. and you have to check out Beholding's Own if only for the jonah chapters. it doesn't have that older mentor shaping the younger in their own image dynamic because this an AU in which they're childhood friends. but it's so good. it's so good!! the georgian jonah chapters are exquisite. the tone, voice, word choice, atmosphere, general everything. also, some serious wuthering heights stuff happening between these two. like, they get it. they get it! they've also written a bluebeard (and cupid & psyche) adjacent fic - darkly, which is a fairy tale au. and Where Hope and Reason Part is tagged dead dove for the detailed descriptions of eye gore. which is my thing. we need more of that.

Professional Distance - takes place during the birthday tape, has an excellent elias voice. he's evil. and enamoured by jon. and evil.

a glass essay, by fairbanks is jonpeter and only tangentially lonelyeyes and jonelias, but it's one of the most gorgeously written fics i've had the pleasure of reading. excellent isolation narrative and has symbolism which pays off in an unexpectedly perfect way. and as a guy who does not care about peter lukas or any ships involving him in the slightest. well. this got to me.

Scenes from an Epicenter, by NeverwinterThistle which is set during S3 and the first je fic i recall reading. the bit where elias takes jon home after distortion helen drops him in his office is canon to me <3

Dark Square Bishop, by Blissymbolics, exactly what it says on the tin. homoerotic chess match at the end of the world.

[themostdearofspaghettis]

Hiya! Based on your tags you have listened to A Lot of audio drama and I'm always looking for some expertise to help with my decisions making process sooo- What's your Top 5? The MUST listen to list iyo? (and a bit of why if you're so inclined)

Boy I sure do listen to A Lot of audio drama. Here’s my top five!! (Ranked in overall composition terms, not necessarily on How Much I Love the Characters or Plot— let me know if you want plot description???? I’m mostly ranking from an overall level rn).

1. The Silt Verses. 5/5 stars. Beautifully written, excellently executed. The characters and plots are all immersive and all realistic. Sound design on point (especially later). It’s the only podcast that has a 5/5 rating for me. I’m a huge fan of both character building and lore, and these feature heavily in this story. Jon and Muna produce wonderful work, and I sincerely think that whatever their next project looks like, though it will be different from TSV and their previous project I am in Eskew, it will be no less thoughtful or well-executed.

2. Red Valley. 4.5/5 stars. Speaking of character-centric work, this podcast is hugely character focused. Atmospheric, dealing with many of the ethical qualms The Silt Verses does in a wildly different way. More humorous than horror, no less bleak at times.

3. Old Gods of Appalachia. 4.5/5 stars. Huge fan of the deep work Steve and Cam do here on creating a rich narrative that has a cavern of family history and lore. I really enjoy the folklore of this area, and I really enjoy the anthology aspect of this show that slowly weaves together to create a delicate web as the podcast goes on.

4. Midnight Burger. 4.5/5 stars. Funny, humorous on purpose, which makes it a standout on this list because most of them are more serious horror centric ones. Character focused, but also so so clever, Joe creates just a caring environment for his fans and for the characters. It celebrates the weird, celebrates the combination of fiction and physics and comedy and philosophy. Hopeful, human, lovely.

5. The only other 4.5s on my list that I have to make a combo of, I’m sorry I’m not sticking to the technical limit of five!

-Malevolent: Produced, written, and acted by one man, contains some of my favorite tropes and makes Lovecraft fun for me.

-The Magnus Archives (not Protocol): You can’t avoid TMA on tumblr audio drama spaces, so I’m sure its presence is unsurprising. At the time I listened, it was my first exposure to anthology work in an audio drama medium. If I listened to it now, who knows! But I had to stay true to my rankings.

-Ghost Wax: Hugely original concept written by passionate and creative creators. Anthology once again, with more complex lore and thoughtful composition.

-SCP: Find Us Alive: I think the character work draws me most strongly to this show.

Honorable mentions: Ethics Town and Camlann.

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

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CRISSCOLFER FIC TAGS

[dreamerdrop]

Current ongoing Garak/Bashir fics which are driving me insane:

Blood Ties by Serakit.

With Tain dead in the attack on the Founders' homeworld, Garak's position on the station is less stable than ever. He needs some kind of anchor on the station, some reason for someone to defend his presence there--and he's certain Sisko doesn't know that it's possible for male Cardassians to become pregnant. Bastard children aren't the kind of reputation-ender in the Federation as they are on Cardassia, but fathering a child on Garak... Sisko wouldn't want that known. Neither would he want to abandon his child. All Garak has to do is lure Sisko to his bed a few times and he'll have the perfect reason for Sisko to want to keep him safe on the station…

-> Also heavy on Sisko/Garak, for obvious reasons given the premise. Absurdly good internal character voices which sell a premise I was otherwise hesitant on. Very, very fun smut too, hehe. Garak’s thought process throughout is extremely fractured and warped and yet it sells his internal logic remarkably well. Obviously involves pregnancy as a rather focused upon theme, in a way that is interestingly romanticised from an internal character perspective but treated very realistically by the narrative itself, creating a compelling contrast.

Vestige by DamianFinch.

It's been seven years since the end of the Dominion War, five years since Garak last saw Doctor Bashir. At a peace conference on Earth, Garak is framed for a crime he did not commit by Doctor Bashir and is taken to a black site run by Section 31.

He and Miles O'Brien will have to figure out how to break free, clear Garak's name, and unravel the mystery of what happened to Bashir when he joined Section 31 five years ago.

-> Excellent and frankly harrowing post-canon fic. Does tremendous service to Miles O’Brien as well, he is fantastically written through this. This fic makes me want to chew metal, but in a good way. I have not been able to stop thinking about it since it began. There’s a very strong sense of building intrigue within the fic, but the mysteries yet to be revealed aren’t quite the main selling point for me, rather… the character dynamics and tangled and tarnished relationship webs mean that the intrigue provides a strong framing device for character study.

Heaven for the Soulless by IDoNotBiteMyThumbAtYou.

Julian Bashir finds his place in the Great Cardassian Union through the humble influence of seven important individuals.

-> Twisty and miserable, based on the idea of Julian being outed as an augment and having to run from the federation straight into Cardassia, alongside some other subtle but very meaningful changes in the background for some other characters too. Extremely well written, with a wonderful grasp on how to create the worst versions of characters we love while maintaining the core aspects of who they are and showing their journey to becoming those darker versions of themselves in a very compelling manner. I find it hard to stop reading this one long enough to leave comments, because I become so drawn in by every word that I struggle to withdraw from the immersion and actually write anything about it.

[lina-lovebug]

USM characters dating a villains daughter

- you were recruited into SHIELD based on your merits and smarts

- also including the fact that your dad was a villainous genius and wanted you farrrr away from all that mess

- you helped the team every now and then concerning tech stuff or hacking, and Spidey developed a crush on you

- you found him cute, having seen his face a few separate times, but knew that once he found out that your dad has made multiple attempts to clone his DNA and/or kill him then that crush would die

- it was a small accident from one of the other agents, but one that made you avoid Spidey for WEEKS

- "Oh hey Miss. Octavius" "Oh hey-"

- normally you'd let that slide but not when you were having lunch with Spiderman

- "Octavius? Like-?" "Wow, I'm late for a meeting. Bye!"

- it sucked too because you used to have a great relationship with your dad but his change and obsession over Spiderman drove you two apart

- you missed your dad

- each time you walked past the team training or happened to be in the same room as Spidey, you'd avoid him like the plague

- you would have kept doing that but suddenly found your hand webbed to your desk

- "You're avoiding me" "who said that?"

- after a long conversation that you weren't a spy or a weird creepy person trying to clone him, he let out a sigh of relief

- "And here I thought my crush on you was ruined" "yeah same here. . ."

- the team teased you both about that for the next month

- it's not everyday that you find out your dad is a terrorist

- okay not exactly a terrorist but one of the most dangerous men in the entire world to the point where they locked him in a prison without any metal

- yup, your father is Magneto

- it was fresh into your relationship with Danny when you found out. Your mom died when you were a baby, and you were adopted by an Agent of SHIELD

- it began to explain so much - your powers always have been strong, even for a mutant. You excelled in your strength and control, except for the few moments where anger woukd get the better of you

- you were scared to tell him. You had been dating for barely a month now, what if he got scared? Magneto brings fear to his name for a reason

- but you didn't have to tell him because Magneto had already found you. It's a strange thing to feel your child through your shared gene of controlling metal

- "(Y/N), I know I was never present before, but I never knew that you-" "Love, what's he talking about?"

- Magneto raised his brow at the green clad boy beside you and you rightfully began to p a n i c

- "I'm her father, and you are?"

- Danny is like 👁👄👁

- "You're not my dad. My dad is Agent (L/N), and as far as I'm concerned, the only person who knows me."

- and still, Danny is just 👁👄👁

- also okay my girlfriend didn't know that her dad is one of the few people I'm scared of

- After the initial blow up, you refused to talk to him. Erik Lensherr wanted to get to know you - to know the little girl he never knew he had even though this motherfucker has kids EVERYWHERE

- it was Danny who encouraged you to know him. You didn't have to force yourself to call him dad but you could atleast try to see if he's worth knowing?

- "How long have you been dating that boy?" "Oh, uh, a month now." "Hmm. . .he says strange things but I like him"

- He never saw it coming but Danny is the number one favorite of your adopted and biological dad. Yippee

- "When do I get to meet your dad, babe?"

"Uh. . .how do you feel about never? Also he's in prison, so not exactly the best meet up scenario."

- Luke knew you had a complicated relationship with your dad but never knew exactly how complicated

- first few years of your life, you were always on the road with him. You never thought much of the constant moving and new motel rooms every week - it was just a roadtrip

- until that roadtrip ended with your dad in custody and you cowering in the bathtub with claws and trying to act like a very scary person

- you looked like a spicy cat

- Luke was still curious though and since you weren't giving him much, he decided to sneak into the SHIELD database

- Sabretooth a.k.a Victor Creed who is sadistic and violent, and used to bring you on "roadtrips" which could have very easily ended up with you being killed

- also making Wolverine your uncle who didn't visit much himself

- "ooohh that's why she accidentally called Fury dad that one time"

- daddy issues to another level

- anyway

- Luke respected your decision not to see nor talk about your dad, now knowing that he never really cared about you

- it also made him realize why you were so avoidant when you first joined the team #likefatherlikedaughter

- but you were nothing like Sabretooth thank fucking christ and loved Luke, so he planned a dinner for you to meet his family

- and if you're wondering, yes, Victor found out you were dating whilst in custody and ended up destroying his prison cell

- oh yeah, Sam already knew

- you mean to tell me that a girl with green magical powers, a golden headpiece with horns AND who calls Thor "Uncle" is Lokis' Daughter?

- :0

- you weren't exactly subtle when it came to the few times the team and Loki butted heads

- "Dad, stop fighting my friends!" "They started it!"

- Meanwhile Sam over here like "Wow my crush is an actual Goddess"

- being half Frost Giant and half Asgardian came with perks, and one of those being that your body temp was always cold so Sam CLUNG to you during the hot summer days

- you and Sam were on the roof of the Hellicarrier when you confessed your feelings and out of excitement, Sam grabbed your face and kissed you

- spoiler alert: Loki also decided it was a perfect time to visit you

- so imagine your dad's surprise when he portals to Midgard to see his daughter and sees some mortal sucking her face off

- it was a very eventful and frightening evening for everyone, to say the least

- "Dad, I'm sixteen. I'm allowed to date" "that's like a fetus in Asgard. Come back to me when you're 500 and perhaps you can date"

- you dated anyway

- Sam didn't care that Loki is your dad, insisting he also wasn't afraid this bitch is terrified

- despite your differences, you do love your dad and he loves you, so you don't understand his hatred for Sam

- that was until Thor dropped the bomb

- as an Asgardian, you're immortal and Sam will eventually die. So Loki is terrified that one day you'll lose Sam and be left with nothing

- cue the mental breakdown

- "You did WHAT?!" "you weren't giving her answers, brother." "No but you've given her a crisis!"

- It was something Sam thought about from time to time but seeing you so heartbroken about it made him sad, and it kept you both distant

- Loki forced himself to talk to you, telling you to enjoy your time with Sam and if you wanted to one day - you could give up your immortality, if that's what you wanted

- after a long and much needed discussion, you came to Sam with the information. He felt bad that you'd have to surrender all that you were just to be with him, but you said:

"I'll still be who I am; I'll be the annoying magic girl who saved your ass"

- with a bonus of Loki admitting that Sam wasn't that bad he adored you two

- so like

- your dad is kinda fucked

- you just so happened to be the one who was somewhat sane

- you happened whilst your parents were casually dating, and while any other kid might want their parents to stay together, you were more than happy that your mom left

- your dad is Victor Von Doom and your mom? Hot asf Susan Storm

- Reed and Susan raised you away from him, and you inherited your own abilities from when Susan was caught in the storm in space

- you met Ava when the Fantastic Four visited SHIELD for some meeting, being the teenager dragging along because you've always admired your mom and dad's work

- Fury was eyeing you for your brains, considering bringing the matter up to Invincible Woman and Mr. Fantastic first

- after some debate, you were in and met White Tiger first and once she took off her mask, you were like "damn"

- "what?" "I-I mean, damn it's nice to be apart of the team"

- you both got along great, and she admired how smart you were and capable

- she asked you out and it had been a great few months, but you did receive a yell from Fury after he caught you two in the main tech area

- you weren't hiding it necessarily but it did shock her that you never told her, I mean, dudes number one for a reason

- "your dad is Doom?!" "Hes not my dad, he's my sperm donor - there's a difference"

- never in a million years did you consider Doom your dad. Reed raised you, and he called you his daughter from the moment you entered his life, so no - Victor Von Doom was not your dad

- she knew she touched a nerve, almost sounding accusatory, and apologized

- but she had no reason to, you reassured her, before giving her a kiss and asking if she wanted to come over for dinner to meet them

- she said yes :)

[jin-jamm-desu]

Internet key! Gojo Headcanons

!!!- alternative history, not at all canon (of course), color coded for people who read fast or can't read at all.

(based on the latest artwork by @saterise, the one with a bleeding Geto holding up the phone to his face with Gojo's eye on the screen.)

He has been trapped since his creation in the 90's and keeps getting updated for use in undercover internet society today.

Was nearly taken down by an internet cult society that wanted to disrupt the social order of the undercover internet policing society- the Jujutsu Sorcerers of Online Peace (JSOP)

JSOP is a small unknown government organization that was created and based in Japan, but is extended thinly worldwide. It clears out or rather, "exorsizes" bugs, malware and worms from popular online sites, forums and the like.

Internet Key! Gojo is actually called the Six Eyes Eliminator Program. The programe, called Gojo for some odd reason, was made alongside other programs like itself- yet excelled in all aspects of online protection.

The second best program was called the Malware Manipulation and Demolisher Project, also coined the 'Geto Program'. The Geto Program was created to buffer the Eliminator Program should it go haywire- which it did do in it's earlier renditions.

The most impactful JSOP program to boot was the Dissector and Dismantling System. In the early days of the internet, hackers, online scammers and the like ran rampant on the internet. The DDS ran like water on a smooth hill from its first rendition. That was until sometime later, the creator of the system found a bug in it, the entire programme collapsed and became corrupted in under a day. Nearly $10B were lost in the week after, and what they started reporting in the following month was horrifying.

An identical copy of the system (or was it the corrupted DDS itself?) was being run through the dark web, snatching up more than portfolios, bank details, and until then, well kept secrets from a certain local internet police group. Hell it was even being used by hackers and malware subscribers to corrupt other people's devices and services.

Within 3.5 months, the corrupted DDS was vanquished- nicknamed the 'Worst Program in Existence'. It was repossessed by the JSOP and broken apart across the internet of Japan. (It didn't get broken apart worldwide because it would harm the integrity of the organization).

10 years after the termination of the DDS, the Gojo System, The Six Eyes Eliminator Program was created. There were some good bug destroying projects during that decade for sure, but the Gojo System was something else. Investors and government officials with insider information flocked to see what it could do; salivating at the idea of getting something to hide their discrepancies and horrible search histories.

The Internet Key! Gojo is used nonstop today, able to see and protect all types of networks and devices around the world. Currently- it trains and advises new types of technologies each year.

[waterdhaviancheeses]

Counterspell

A short, silly thing based on this post.

Gale x Tarragon (my paladin Tav)

I'm having a hard time creating things lately, struggling to write without being super critical about every little thing. So I forced myself to start and finish something short: voìla.

“Paladins cannot use countermagic.” Gale stated.

Tarragon raised their eyebrow. “How can you be so sure?”

“Ah, excellent question, to find the answer, we must explore the differences between spellcasters. The Paladin is a conductor for divine power, using the weave to manifest that power. However, magic flows from a wizard rather than merely through.”

Tarragon might have rolled their eyes if Gale wasn't so cute.

"You see, the very act of negating another's spell requires an intimate understanding of spellcasting, and one must be able to sense even the slightest disturbances in the weave. Like a spider in its web, the wizard must be attuned to the fabric of existence around him, and strike fast to counter the opponent's spell.”

"Hmmm..." Tarragon processed the information. "I'm not convinced yet."

"Well, if you ever do learn to use countermagic, I'd be delighted to be proven wrong." He said with a smirk.

-

A white mist glazed over Gale's eyes, the duergar had gained mastery over his mind. He moved like he was in a trance, his movements lacking his usual flair. The back of Tarragon's head tingled as Gale removed the bat guano from his component pouch.

They had seen this many times, studied Gale's hands as they traced an intricate pattern in the air, playing the strands of the weave like a bard playing their instrument. The bat guano could only mean one thing: a fireball.

Shit.

They desperately tried to remember Gale's magic lessons from before.

“Some spells require a material component.”

Tarragon closed the distance between them with one swift stride and swatted the pellets out of the wizard's hands.

“Then there's a somatic component: the gestures.”

They grabbed Gale by the wrists and pinned them above his head against the wall behind him.

“Lastly, we have the verbal component, or the incantation.”

Tarragon’s hands were full, and they could feel the heat rising around them as Gale opened his mouth in an attempt to finish the spell.

“Ar-”

They smashed their lips against his, and jammed their tongue into Gale's mouth, cutting him off effectively.

The air cooled abruptly, and when Tarragon pulled back, Gale’s irises had returned to their usual deep brown. His mouth still slightly agape.

“How's that for a counterspell?”

[serahadmoni]

Silent Lucidity

Cut for the sake of those who are just here for fannish content. Feel free to skip. Though there are tangential references to fandom and fandom spaces, I figured instead of spewing my nonsense elsewhere, I'd leave it here. This is partially in response to vastly more coherent discourse delivered by folks who I would tag, but I'm not 100% how they'd prefer their own containment to be managed. Thus, I shall self-contain because it's mostly personal rambling. Please pardon my mouth.

So, I will preface this by saying out loud, not in tags or muttering under my breath, that I’m…damn, I don’t even know what I am beyond definitely neuro-d. Because even with forty-six (yes, that’s right, I’m OLD as fuck) years under my belt, my gaslight happy narcissistic daddio still has me in a performance-based chokehold. Because heaven forbid one be weak or different or need help.

Hi, I’m the “gifted,” high-performing, eldest daughter of a valedictorian engineer who routinely subjected me to interrogation for receiving a 94% on a math test because it wasn’t a high A. I’m the gal who’s a “breadwinner” (whatever the hell that means anymore) who went back to the office because I felt like I HAD to be productive while my long-suffering golden retriever, thank-fuck-I-found-him-because-I-couldn’t-possibly-do-this-without-him-why-does-he-put-up-with-my-ass husband stayed home with the kids. I’m the mother fiercely determined to do better for my kids - to let them be wholly themselves, whatever that looks like.

I am a duck gliding serenely across the pond while her little webbed toes are going absolutely apeshit beneath the surface. Even if everything appears fine and dandy, chances are there’s a storm of second-guessing, re-evaluating interaction, feeling like shit, re-re-evaluating interaction, self-isolation, flagellation, and concern for having done the right, just, and correct thing. Which is a lot to fucking paddle one's feet about, but it works, sort of.

Anyway, I don’t know what I am. I suspect. I behave as if. Diagnosis would make it real, though, and I’ve been masking, coping, dealing for so long it feels like a moot point. Plus the cognitive dissonance of not telling the aforementioned narcissist about what he would perceive as a “flaw” or telling him and dealing with the fallout. Katie, bar the door if I admit to being anything other than perfectly fine, perfectly fulfilled, perfectly...perfect. So he can hold me up as a feather in his cap to show what a great father he is to have raised someone so well-adjusted and successful. Because I am never just me, but a reflection of his accomplishment or failure. (As a side note, I think Aetos, Sr. is a godsdamned socially savvy narcissist.)

In fandom spaces, it means I tend to hang on the fringes. Not out of a desire to be set apart, but so that I can tell myself I chose to be there. That my social anxiety and awkwardness and my sometimes non-mainstream foci in fandom didn’t put me there.

So that I never burden or overwhelm or ask too much because…yeah, that part of that one fic that one time might have been semi-autobiographical. It also makes it easier to fade into the background. To disappear unnoticed. Because when excellence is demanded and not delivered upon... (and who the hell determines excellence in fic space because there aren’t gold stars awarded for most authentic voice or most tragic because it’s all subjective, but hell if I don't try to earn them anyway) When those fragile moments you love don’t hit the same for others, when you "fail," disengaging entirely is sometimes less painful.

Yes, 100% everyone likes what they like. It's a matter of preference and timing and style. It's a matter of what the person is looking for that day or if they have a TBR they're already working through. Or they're reading their friend's stuff first, which they should. I do. Sometimes it's a matter of marketing (which I suck at because as much as I may hope a thing is well-received, I'm not going to try to convince people with anything but my own insane enthusiasm about it.)

As much as I have to write, I also don’t. I could focus on original stuff or put my brain on cruise control and spin a million glittering galaxies into being that never see the page. Negative feedback can be destructive, absolutely. Especially when unsolicited. But so can silence. And that’s not to imply entitlement. I’m not owed shit. If the concept doesn't appeal, it doesn't appeal. See above: my often left of the dial focus in fandom. But it's so easy to get disheartened when something you've birthed from the absolute dumpster fire of your brain, something you love dearly and are putting into the world in the hopes it moves someone - either to laughter or tears or anger - falls flat. Because the chemical cocktail in my brain interprets it as failure and delivers the message that no matter how beautiful I think my geegaw is, that baby’s still a steaming pile to the objective observer.

Honestly, if you got this far, my apologies. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say beyond: Fandom is hard. I'm quietly fucked up. And I'm sorry if I ever offended you with my perceived indifference. I'm not indifferent, I just don't do halfway very well and I have a hard time trying to normal which can often come off like I'm a being a snob.

And yes, I just spent the last half hour contemplating a select-all delete on this draft because I don't want to be annoying in my commiseration. Then I spent another ten minutes wondering what authority I had to speak on any of it when it's mostly just word vomit about my life experience.