#week 46 masterlist

[cosmos-coma]

My Sun, My Star

A/N: I'm so weak for Winter soldier Bucky. I cant wait to write more of him, I love this sad guilt ridden man.

Pairing: Winter Soldier!Bucky x Reader

Words: 6756

Warnings: Breaking and entering, Minor violence, Injury and Blood, Winter soldier Bucky, GN reader but also Pregnant reader, mild language, I'm not sure if this is fluff or angst or both??

Summary: You wait up late for your boyfriend Bucky to return from his mission, but it isn't Bucky who finds you.

Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue | Bucky Masterlist

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Your eyes blinked slowly, heavier with each passing second, yet you still managed to open them once again. Glancing at the bright white numbers of the digital clock you watched it change to 1:46 AM, causing a groan to pull from your lips. Bucky was supposed to be back tonight (yesterday technically) from his latest mission, but he still had yet to show up at your shared flat. 

You checked your phone again, the lack of notifications mocking your tired eyes. You let out one more sigh before you turned off the mindless babbling of the TV and stood up to get ready for bed. You were sure Bucky wouldn’t want you waiting up so late in your current condition anyway, he had been harping you about getting enough sleep and water and everything in between.

“I’m only four months pregnant, Bucky. I’m fully capable of staying up late” You had said to him. 

“Five months, Doll, and it’s about your cortisol levels. It’s not good for you or the baby, and it could lead to them being underweight” he said, reciting exactly what the doctor had told him during your last checkup. 

“Four and a half,” you argued as you stuck your tongue out at him, “and she was talking about getting chased by a bear kind of stress, not staying up to watch Bake Off.” 

You snorted at the memory of just earlier that week, a small smile coming to your face as you went through your nightly routine. You continued to check your phone here and there as you went, “Did you get back safe? How’d your mission go?” you had texted two hours ago, yet it still remained unread and unanswered.  

‘Maybe one more quick text wouldn’t hurt,’  you thought to yourself as you typed out the simple message and hit send. 

“Stay safe, okay? I love you.”

You sighed as you set the phone down, “it’s okay, everything is okay,” you assured yourself as you pulled one of his large hoodies over your head, enjoying the way the hem brushed against your bare thighs and the sleeves threatened to swallow your hands. “He’s a former assassin and a super soldier! Nothing is going to happen that he can’t handle,” You stated firmly to your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes remained unsure despite your voice’s conviction, but you did your best to ignore it, focusing instead on the achingly tired look they held. 

“Yes, I know. It’s finally time for bed, little one,” you mumbled sleepily as you felt your baby kick against the walls of your protruding belly, being quick to climb between the layers of blankets and lonesome sheets. “Fuck, that's cold…!” you swore quietly as your bare legs hit the icy fabric- having gone unwarmed by your personal space heater and super soldier.

Thankfully sleep came easily, the thought of waking up to Bucky’s sleepy, scruffy face only further urged your body to wind down so the moment would come sooner. 

----

Bucky’s phone buzzed again in his bag, lighting up with your smiling face as your text displayed on the screen, but nobody reached down to check it, as everyone found themselves in a far more urgent situation. 

“Keep him busy, Rodgers! I just need one more minute!” Tony yelled as he dug through the equipment in the quinjet, “For fuck’s sake, who organized this last?” 

“What do you think I’m doing…!” The blond grunted with a justified hint of frustration,” Sam? Any help??” He shouted with a pointed look, telling more than asking as he struggled to restrain his thrashing friend. A swift metal fist flew toward his already battered face, barely giving him time to duck out of the way and attempt to restrain it again. 

“Honestly? Seems like you’ve got this one,” Sam said, holding up his hands.

“SAM.” 

“I’m coming..! God, can’t either of you old men take a joke?”

No one knew exactly what happened, Bucky had gone off on his own in the Hydra base they were exploring. It was supposed to have been recently abandoned, something about the agents leaving in an urgent rush that left files upon files sitting out in the open. It was supposed to be a simple mission; everyone goes off in teams, gathers what they can, and makes sure there are no surprises. But Bucky assured them that he would be fine to go on his own, he hadn’t had a sign of relapse in over a year, and he would only be picking up what looked important. A simple job.

He should’ve listened. 

It was when he didn’t return to the jet with the rest of them that they started to get worried. 

“So, where’s the Manchurian candidate?” Tony jested, looking at his watch. They were supposed to leave maybe 10 minutes ago, not terribly late by any means, but enough to start getting worried about Bucky’s quietness over the coms.  

“Man, come on.. ” Sam sighed at Tony’s joke as he crossed his arms. 

“Bucky?” Steve tried calling over the coms, ignoring both of his teammates, but the line remained all too quiet. 

They found him finally in the basement level of the office building, old discarded computers lining the walls along with cabinets upon cabinets of old files and other equipment. He hadn’t even realized it was a trap until he stepped right into it, triggering a switch that had the computers and hidden speakers flashing images and sounds that assaulted his senses with fragmented memories long forgotten. 

He should have listened. 

Sam had found him first, on his knees in the middle of the floor with hands desperately covering his ears, trying to block out the incessant noise. Hauling his teammate to his feet, he rushed back to the jet, calling everyone off from their search before anything else could be sprung. 

At first, they thought he might be fine- quiet, but fine. He had given them a small smile and a wave of his hand as everyone tried to check in with him, taking a seat as the jet took off to go home. It had all seemed relatively normal until they were halfway back and the unseen battle inside him must have taken a turn. 

“Got it!” Tony yelled as he pulled out the dart gun, aiming quickly as he fired two shots into Bucky’s chest, readying a third as he waited and watched for the tranquilizers to finally take effect. It was slow as Bucky continued to struggle against the drug’s drain, his body and mind turning into slow-moving molasses. Low grunts emanated from his throat as the last of his strength ebbed away, leaving nothing but forced sleep in its wake. 

“Was two really necessary?” Steve asked as his shoulders finally relaxed, the strain and worry now temporarily over. 

Together they dragged the drugged-up assassin into the jet’s small quarantine area for the remainder of the trip, satisfied only when they heard the mechanical locks slide into place. It wasn’t much, and they knew that and if he really wanted to there would be no stopping him from getting out, but it was something- enough to give them a few seconds of preparation if nothing else.  

“I’m not giving a super soldier only a single dose, you two metabolize things like this way too fast and I’m not taking any chances with the Tin man over there.”

Bucky- no, the Winter Soldier, seemed to still be out of it when they finally landed, sat up and leaning against the wall, head slumped forward just as they had left him. 

“Alright, let's just get him into one of the holding rooms for the night. We’ll work on resetting him-” Tony lifted his hands as the two men glared in his direction, “- on ‘fixing him up’ as soon as he’s been secured.” 

Sam shook his head as Tony corrected himself, taking notice of the lit-up phone in Bucky’s bag, buzzing with an only recently delivered message. Sam had quickly become one of your closest friends after you were introduced to the team. He was one of the few people Bucky trusted with his life and between his sarcastic jokes, his incredibly loyal nature, and his willingness to give Bucky shit whenever he deserved it, you knew very quickly how great a friend he would be. 

But now his stomach twisted as he saw your name flash across the screen, the alert quickly minimizing itself as it joined the other messages you had sent that night. How was he gonna break this to you? The last thing you needed was a bunch of unnecessary stress on your shoulders, but it’s obvious you were beginning to worry over their late return. Sliding the phone back into its rightful place Sam told himself that he’d call you once they had things more figured out.

“Heart rate still seems to be resting. With any luck, he’ll remain knocked out until we get inside,” Tony relayed as he monitored the Soldier’s vitals and pressed the button to open the heavy quarantine doors.

The doors slid into their resting positions with a soft click. 

As soon as that click landed on sensitive ears, vibrant blue eyes shot open. Sparing not even a second, the Winter Soldier surged forward from his seat, not nearly as far gone as he left them to believe. With the element of surprise, the Soldier easily knocked past his teammates, throwing his body weight against them and knocking Sam and Steve off balance, leaving him a good headstart as he dashed out the jet’s open door.

“Fuck, Bucky- Wait!,” Steve swore as he stumbled out behind him, having to use his super soldier speed just to keep pace. But between the settled darkness of the night, and the winding alleyways the brunette stuck to, Steve was left falling behind in no time. “Shit,” Steve swore as he slowed to a stop, looking around for any sign of his compromised friend. 

However, the streets lay barren, the fluttering of moths in the streetlights the only sign of life on the entire block.

---

The heavy thud of his boots echoed against the alleyway’s pavement. He wasn't sure where exactly he was headed as his silhouette slunk between the warm light of the streetlamps, but part of him- a currently repressed part of him- knew that safety was bound to be just ahead. 

His heart beat smoothly as he kept his pace, every other step falling in time as he rounded the corner. Blindly, he let himself be led by instinct and his feet maneuvered the city’s countless paths with a mind of their own. They slowed before a little apartment building and as those emotionless eyes looked up, he knew this was it.

The lateness of the hour had almost assured that no one was around as he slipped inside, footsteps padding up the stairs before stopping at the third floor. His heavy boots left nothing but wet prints in their wake as he wandered down the hall, impossibly silent, as even the notoriously creaky boards dared not announce his presence. 

The closer he got, the more the back of his mind itched, as if something- someone- was begging him not to go any further, but he refused to listen; he knew this was where he was meant to be and where he would find what his body was so inexplicably drawn to.

With each step his head turned on a swivel, looking for the sense of safety and familiarity that the other half of him seemed to find here- and desperately wished he wouldn’t discover. Just as his foot was about to take another step he stopped. ‘No. Here.’ His gut told him, turning to the door. 

His door.

Your door.

The former assassin bypassed the lock with ease, quickly slipping in before shutting the door behind him. A dim light illuminated the living room, the little lamp you left on for him casting its orange glow over his surroundings as he surveyed them.

A few mugs stand beside the sink, framed photos dot the wall and side tables, and a veritable nest of blankets lay across the couch. It was obvious someone had been here, and recently. A deep breath pulled into his lungs, causing his head to tilt to the side in contemplation as an unfamiliar scent hit his nose, something just as earthy as it was sweet and speckled with distant notes of… him?

“Hmmph”  

His sensitive ears picked up the soft grunt from down the hall immediately. His shoulders squared and tensed as his body leaned into a defensive position. Cautious fingers pulled the knife from his boot, ready for whatever may come at him as he approached. 

The sounds of soft breaths lead him to a door left ajar. Light just slipped past the curtains into the darkened room. Badum… Badum… Badum… a heartbeat pulsed in his ears as he took a step closer, leaving the door open and letting further light fall onto the source of the noise. 

His wolfish gaze ran down your form as you lay there on your back, swallowed in the extra fabric of the old sweatshirt. Your hand rested casually over your stomach as your other one squished gently against your cheek. Your legs lay bare to the world after having kicked the overbearing sheets away, leaving just a glance of your underwear for him to take in.  

“Mmph” You grunted again as you shifted, your face now turned to him as that earthy scent of yours gripped him like a vice and refused to let go.

Your sweet sleep became interrupted though- much to his dismay- as the phone on your nightstand began to light up and buzz incessantly. Still, as a statue he watched as you groaned, propping yourself up on your elbows as you went to check what your device could possibly want at this ungodly hour. 

With one loose fist, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes away, blinking consciousness back into them until you saw Bucky’s illuminated figure before you, standing tall and quiet as he watched you intently. 

“Bucky..?” You couldn’t hide the grin that spread across your face as you saw the familiar face of your lover lit up by the bright light of your phone screen. But the longer you looked the more you noticed.

His eyes were all wrong, his gaze was devoid, that’s the only way you could put it. Devoid of meaning and humanity, it seemed every gaze- every movement- was a means to an end. Empty… save for a flicker of fear; It was probably the only thing in those eyes right now that registered as human. The fear of someone who was lost, unknowing of their purpose, and confused as to why your gaze was made his cold heart falter.

His expression was flat and stoic, save for the knit of confusion that pulled his brows together. His stance was tense and prepared, the discrete knife still glittering in his hands as he took another step forward, his head slowly shaking in response to your question. 

A gasp caught in your throat as you finally understood. Glancing at your phone you saw it was Sam who was calling, undoubtedly trying to tell you what you now already knew.

“Soldat…” You whispered, trying to hide the way his name sent shivers across your skin. Your phone went black then, as you didn’t pick up in time and you were left blind by the sudden darkness.

 You and Bucky had talked about what to do if you found him like this, “You call Sam and Steve, Okay? You find a place to hide and you stay far away, no matter what you hear. There’s no reasoning with him,” He had told you.

So much for that

Your phone lit up again with Sam’s urgent call, its revealing light sending ice down your spine as you saw the man nearly standing over you now, just a hair’s breadth away.

Your hand rose slowly, shaking as you tested a reach for your phone, stopping dead in your tracks as he let out a disapproving grunt. Your head nodded slowly as you gulped, returning your hand to your stomach as you watched his gaze finally shift away. 

With unbothered calmness, he looked toward your phone to see Sam’s face and name scrawled across your screen. Wordlessly he reached over and pressed the ‘decline call’ button, cutting the call short and leaving you two in perfect silence once more. 

Panic began to rise in your throat as his gaze turned back toward you, darkened now only by the lack of light. With slow movements the Winter Soldier reached out, putting the knife away as he crouched down, as if trying to attract a skittish animal. 

Your whole body tensed as his reach came closer, eyes screwing shut as you waited for the worst, “Please… Just don’t hurt her…” You whispered, fear and desperation rattling your voice, just as it did your anxiety-filled body. 

But the pain never came. Instead, the cool touch of metal fingers ran down your cheek, barely denting your flesh as he relished in its softness. Your eyes peeked open cautiously, as his fingers moved along the slope of your jaw, tilting your head up as he came to your chin. 

His eyes had changed, you noticed, instead of being a harsh blizzard, they had now settled into something more human, something warmer and… yearning? 

“Soldat..?” You questioned as you watched his lips part, his senses focused only on the way your body reacted to his touch. You were sure he could hear the rapid pattering of your heart beneath your ribs, its pace only increasing as his fingers moved down your neck and to the exposed collarbone in your loose neckline.

“Красивый [Beautiful]...,” was all he could reply. It came out so soft you weren’t sure you heard it at first, it’s quiet reverence meant for your ears and your ears only. “Из-за тебя он чувствует себя здесь в безопасности...? Замки дерьмовые, видимость слишком высокая, но ты… [Are you why he feels safe here…? The locks are shit, the visibility is too high, but you…]” He continued, quiet and unbothered as if he assumed you couldn’t understand him. 

“He’s been bugging me to get better locks all week…” you replied with a huff, quickly shutting up as his stare found your eyes again. Between Bucky’s ramblings in the night and Natasha’s tendency to only gossip in Russian, you had made an effort to learn it; You were still learning, and your pronunciation was shit, but your understanding had gotten far better. 

“And you have a good ear…” He spoke in English this time, the vague hint of an amused smile pulling at the assassin’s stern lips. You couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever done that before. If that odd little smile had been seen by anyone else- anyone still living that is.

A breath of relief left you as your lips stretched to mimic his, the tension easing out of your body a little by little.

His metallic touch continued to linger, running down your covered chest until it settled on the waistband of your underwear, the cool metal trailing across your ticklish skin. 

“Ah, wait, Sol-” You jumped at his touch, grabbing his wrist, despite knowing you wouldn’t have the strength to stop him if it’s what he wanted.

But instead of dipping his fingers lower, he simply tugged the oversized hoodie up, gathering it over your chest and exposing the firm baby bump concealed below. His head tilted to the side as he listened to the tiny heartbeat that fluttered in your belly as well as the thuds of its little movements against your skin. Slowly, still with that inkling of a smile, he turned to look at you, his hand hovering just above your vulnerable midsection as if awaiting permission. 

Heat rose to your cheeks as you hesitated. On one hand, you felt a surprising amount of calm under the assassin's touch, his need for your approval only increasing your sense of security. But on the other hand, Bucky would never be able to live with himself if something happened to you or the baby, accident or not. 

“Oh. I-” 

CRASH.

You nearly jumped out of your skin as were cut short by the loud noise. The door to your apartment slammed open, surely breaking the hinges with the sheer force of it. Over a dozen heavy boots stormed into your apartment as the lights turned on, flooding your senses and forcing the Soldier’s attention elsewhere. 

Your hand found his instantly, the heat of his calloused skin a comfort to you just the way Bucky’s was, especially as it squeezed around yours just the same. Sitting up properly now your sweatshirt swallowed your pregnant form once again and you peeked out to see just what was going on. 

Through The Winter Soldier’s defensive stance in front of you, his knife is now drawn once more, you watched a small armed group, covered in black tactical gear raid your home, all guns pointing towards you- or more accurately- the former assassin attempting to shield you. You recognized the symbols on their vests as the team’s secondary security force, having even met a few of them over the years. But where was the rest of the team? Where was Sam, and Steve, and Tony?

“Step away from the civilian!” “Put your hands in the air!” “Sir, drop the knife!” They all shouted, overlapping with each other as each of them rushed out their demands. 

“Don't shoot! It’s okay! It’s okay!” You rushed.

You tried to slip your hand from his, but he only held fast, “Soldat, please… It’s okay, just do what they say… They don’t want to hurt us. Please,” You urged, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, 

His defenses faltered as he listened to you beg him to stand down. It wasn’t the usual begging he heard in his line of work, and coming from your lips had his walls cracking in an unprecedented way. 

He shouldn’t have looked back at your eyes, wide and pleading, as they shook his walls further. Moving slowly he turned, kneeling before you despite the way the armed group yelled at him not to. You just held up your hand to them, pleading for them to be as gentle with him as he was with you. 

“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” The warm flesh of his hand came up easily to cradle your face and a small smile pulled at him again as you leaned into his large palm. “Я только что нашел тебя. Я не потеряю тебя снова так быстро[I’ve only just found you. I will not lose you again so quickly]. ”

Your heart both swelled and pained for your Soldier. You looked into his eyes and saw a sense of certainty, a sense of knowing, you hadn’t seen from him earlier. “Oh… my soldier, my star,” Your fingers entwined with the hand holding your cheek, ”You can not lose me in any way that would last…” You whispered to him past the shouts, the commotion, and the tension, like you were the only two in the room. 

“Sir, put the knife down!” A young squad member called again, his voice far more concerned than his superiors. You didn’t recognize him or his number and you figured he must’ve been new. His gun trembled in his hands as he shouted again, but as the Soldier failed to move and the kid’s finger unexpectedly twitched, there came a sudden- 

BANG.

“Ah-!” Your face twisted with pain as you pulled away, “Fuck…!” Your hands instinctively grabbed your leg, clamping over the shooting pain in your calf that hit you- well- like a bullet. 

You winced again as you pulled one of your hands back, the raw skin of your leg angrily letting you know that it did not like being brushed against. Warm, wet crimson covered your fingers as you looked down, becoming slightly dizzy at how much had already covered your palm. You were thankful it only seemed to be a graze, but the burn you already felt and knowing you were losing blood had your stomach lurching in uncomfortable ways. 

Concern painted the assassin’s expression as you recoiled away from his doting touch, but as the unmistakable warm, metallic smell curled into his nose, his expression darkened dramatically. What was once kind, curious blue eyes now saw nothing but red as he caught sight of the wound slashing across your skin. His jaw set firmly, almost audibly grinding his teeth as he stood and turned to the young kid. 

You looked back at the newcomer as you tried to breathe through the pain, the horrified look on his face telling you that he knew he was a dead man walking. His face went ghost white as the super soldier stalked toward him and through even worse trembling hands he raised his gun to shoot again. 

“No…!”

A sickening thud rang out as the bullet hit the assassin square in his good shoulder, getting lodged in the muscly flesh. His shoulder jerked back at the force, but it wouldn’t stop his stride as he closed the gap. Another shot rang out, but with the solid vibranium arm now covering the barrel it did little to help this poor dumb kid. Snatching him by the neck, you watched as your assassin held him up until his feet kicked uselessly in the air. 

Every gun immediately trained on him and with their proximity you knew they wouldn’t miss a fatal shot if it came to it.

“Stop! Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! Soldier, put him down!” You yelled as you maneuvered towards the edge of the bed. “Please, don't shoot, I can fix this!” you continued, trying to convince yourself as much as you convinced them. Familiar voices joined in on your plea as Sam and Steve finally entered the picture, urgently trying to talk down both the Winter Soldier and the secondary security team. 

“Bucky, It’s okay... Just put the kid down, alright?” Steve tried to reason with him, “He’s new, he doesn’t know what he’s doing yet.” Steve tried his best to stay calm and patient, but the young man was beginning to change colors now. “Bucky, put him down before you do something you can’t come back from.” But Bucky’s ears were deaf to the outside pleas and the Winter soldier refused to listen.

“Ah..!” You whimpered as you tried to stand and approach the commotion. The pain in your leg reached new heights as you tried to put weight on it, causing you to tumble to your knees almost immediately. You clutched your belly, hoping the sudden jostle wouldn’t upset the baby too much as you tried to get up again. 

“Hold on, Y/n. Stay down for a minute so we can wrap your leg…” Sam asked of you, moving over to help as soon as he saw the blood on your hands, “You’re losing plenty already.”

“No, I have to…. I can’t let him get hurt,” you argued, pushing away his helpful hands as you tried to stand again. You heard the crashing thud and rushed voices as you shakily got to your feet, leaning all your weight on your good leg. As you looked up again you came eye to eye with worry-filled icy blues.

“Sol-”

“Мое солнце  [My Sun]...” He interrupted, his metal arm snaking around your waist to pull you in possessively and away from those who threatened your safety. On the other side of the room, the nervous kid now coughed and wheezed for breath, but you were just happy to see he was still alive. 

“Please just listen to them. You’re already hurt, don’t get yourself killed…” you pleaded, your hand barely brushing over his bleeding wound before pulling his hand to your rounded belly. He tried to keep his expression steady, but you saw the way his eyes widened slightly as he looked down. “She needs someone looking out for her and I can’t do this on my own. I can’t keep away all the dangers of the world…” Your forehead rested against his as you tried to shift your weight, whining as you gave up and moved back. You couldn’t deny that this part of Bucky was her father too, even if he had been hidden away for ages, she was still his too. Whether Bucky would see it the same way you weren’t sure, but right now you were just concerned with making sure he got out of this alive. 

“I can’t do this without you…” 

The silence felt deafening as he considered. He never had to think about other people relying on him, not like this. His orders had always been to leave no threats, to finish his job and move on, no matter the cost to him. But the pain in his soft, fleshy shoulder was getting harder to ignore. The way his blood-soaked shirt clung to his arm now climbed to the forefront of his mind as he watched your big eyes stare back at him, desperate to understand. He was between a rock and a hard place. 

“I’ll be right beside you the whole time..” You assured him, “We both will, but please let everyone get us some help.” 

A gentle nudge pushed against his palm as his thoughts swirled around him, snapping him back to a single line of thought and he knew then. Defeat laid heavy on his shoulders as they slumped, accepting what must be done., “Мое солнц [My Sun] …”, He said, “Если вы так хотите, то я не буду жаловаться [If it is what you wish, then I will not complain].” 

You couldn’t tell just how long you had been holding the breath you let out, your muscles relaxing as he finally held his hands up. The security squad began coming forward with an array of cuffs, but it was Sam who stopped them this time, glancing back at you for confirmation as he assured them that they could take it from here. Despite the arguing and the hesitation, they seemed to relent, shifting their focus now to their injured colleague. 

Both Sam and Steve looked tired but relieved as they turned to the two of you, bloody and pained in your current state. Though they weren’t quite better; both of them looked like they had been the unfortunate punching bag of a certain super soldier mere hours before. Sam had bruises lining his arms from where he was surely blocking blow after blow and Steve smiled a bit with his busted lip, dried blood still stuck in the corner of his mouth.

“Let’s get you two to the tower…” 

----

The journey to the tower was quiet, your soldier never letting you out of arms reach as you all boarded the armored truck, and made your way up the tower and to the lab. 

Doctors tried to treat the both of you, but as soon as anyone dared to come close your assassin was right there to growl them back. They’d hardly be able to get past his possessive hands even if they could manage to get close, his touch keeping you pulled beside him at all times.

“Soldat…” you warned him, but he was too preoccupied gathering the medical bag they had been dropped. Coming over to you, there was no warning as he scooped you up from the ground and set you on a table to get to work. 

“Oh-!” You exclaimed as you held onto his strong shoulder, quickly getting plopped back down on the corner of the cold metal table. A shiver ran down your skin as you shifted against the sleek table, watching as practiced hands scoured through the medical bag, producing everything he needed as he went about fixing up your leg wordlessly. 

You were beyond thankful for the haze of the (baby-safe) painkillers as his fingers slid over the raw flesh. Despite the gentle numbing of the painkiller your fingers still lay tangled in his hair as he worked, only tugging in discomfort as the gauze wrapped tightly around your leg.

"Thank you..” You said when he finally finished, moving back to appreciate his work before giving it a satisfactory nod. His eyes had grown distant again, bits of confusion and uncertainty swirling in the storm of his eyes, and you reached out to stroke your thumb across his cheek. His stony cool expression remained as you touched him, his mouth staying a firm line as he instinctively leaned into your palm. You watched him for a moment before you continued, knowing that his thoughts must be far away.

“It's your turn now, big guy.... your shoulder is still seeping and you can’t keep losing blood like this," You urged him just as you had on the ride to the tower. He had refused to listen then, letting nothing else occupy his mind until he knew you were fully taken care of. But now as you sit safely before him, the only looming threats being Sam and Steve who seem to haunt the hallway outside, he finally relented.

You moved to stand, needing the angle to effectively dig out the bullet still lodged in his muscles, but he held you still with a single large hand on your shoulder, "Stay," he urged you with that low rumble of his. His eyes lingered on yours, ensuring you would do as he asked before he began to move again, gathering the supplies you would need.

He slid his bloody shirt off, revealing the weeping wound beneath and the scars of many wounds past. You expected him to stand in front of you, maybe sit so you could take care of him, but that didn’t seem to be the important thing right now.

He climbed up onto the cold table where you sat, curling onto his side with his back facing the door so his wounded shoulder sat closest to you. His head lay in your lap with a look of unmatched serenity as he pressed his forehead against your rounded belly. And there he rested, quiet and unmoving as he took his quiet moment. But he was far too exposed like this, far too trusting of “threats” lurking outside, and he almost reminded you of Bucky again. Was Bucky fighting to come back…? Was the Winter Soldier trusting you to watch his back? … or was he accepting of something you weren't sure he knew yet?

"Are you sure? It's going to be harder to take the bullet out this way. I don’t want to hurt you more than I have to," you tried to explain as you pulled out the forceps.

But he simply shook his head, "I know my time here is short, my Sun..." he said with an even tone, no semblance of fear to shake his voice, "Please let me enjoy it like this…."

Your voice caught in your throat as he answered, his blunt acceptance and knowing catching you off guard. You wished beyond anything that you could soothe him, to tell him no one was going to hurt him or take him away again. But you wouldn’t lie to him, so instead you said nothing, Your words rasping as you replied, "Of course, My star…."

The room was quiet as you worked, the only noise the sweet mumblings from your boyfriend's lips as he filled your baby’s ears with loving promises. His body let out a grunt and a soft squelch as you finally tugged the crushed bullet out. Pain creased his brow but his words never faltered and neither did the nudges or kicks he got in reply.

Carefully you cleaned up the blood, packing the wound as best you could, but you were sure Tony and his team would be redoing it soon nonetheless.

A sigh escaped him as he heard you putting away your tools, "My Sun?" he asked.

"Yes?"

“Is it time…?”

You cast your eyes downward, looking into those confused and swirling blues as they watched you with unbridled hope.

You nodded, wiping away the tears that welled in your eyes, “It’s time…” you whispered.

He nodded, thinking quietly as he looked down at your belly again, his hand smoothing over the skin he’s exposed, “Will I see you two again…?” 

Your heart broke at the slight waver in his voice, “Oh, my star…” you said, resting your palm against his cheek, “It’s just like I said, ‘you can not lose me in any way that would last’. I’ll see you again and again, in this life and the next,” you assured as you leaned down to kiss his temple, a small smile forming at the corners of his lips. Tears blinked from your eyes as you continued, “I don’t know when, or for how long, but you will see us again. You can always come home to me, and I will always be there to welcome you.” You leaned, slow as not to scare him, and kissed him gently as he turned again to look at you.

 It was awkward at first, but you didn’t mind, you couldn’t imagine the last time the Winter Soldier had felt such gentleness, let alone a kiss. 

But the moment was ripped away as the door opened, Steve, Sam, and Tony all standing in the doorway. “We’re ready for him,” Tony said simply, “Let's get this started so my lab techs can go home….” 

-----

You watched behind thick glass as Tony and his team of technicians attached various wires and machinery to Bucky’s body. Sam and Steve’s hands lie on your shoulders, trying to comfort you as you watch them finish tuning and placing everything. You watched as his blue eyes stared vacantly at the ceiling, as still as a statue as he let them do their work.

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to watch this…” Steve tried to comfort you, but you only shook your head. 

“No… I promised I’d see him off,” you replied, then thought with a pause, “Despite all the warnings Bucky gave me I’m happy I got to see him face to face…” 

“Well, it helps that he wasn’t trying to beat the shit out of you…” Sam mumbled, getting an immediate nudge from you right in one of his bruises, “ Ow…okay, point taken.”

You smiled and shook your head. It was true though; despite the fear, blood, and death that dripped from his moniker, despite the pain you endured in his presence, you would do it all again. Bucky had hidden this part of him from you for so long, only ever showing you half of his face. And though you know he wouldn’t like it, you’re happy to finally see him in full light- to know and love him completely as he’s meant to be.

Tony says something that’s hard to make out through the glass, but you see him give a thumbs up to you all so he must have been ready. He moved to the switch, hesitating for a moment to let you say a quick goodbye. 

Your Soldier’s eyes found yours right away, but there was no trace of sorrow for you to see, no discomfort or fear. In fact, he seemed almost excited; excited and hopeful that when he saw you next he’d have a bundle of joy to look forward to as well. 

“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” you watched him say beyond the glass.

“I’ll see you again, My stars. I’m sure of it…” You replied with a soft smile.

He had just enough time to smile softly back at you, an image now pleasantly etched in your brain before Tony flipped the switch and the reset procedure began. 

You covered your eyes quickly as Bucky’s body began to convulse, his strained grunts and shouts breaching containment despite the way he tried to hold it all back. The sounds of pain continued for minutes, but it felt far longer. Though, it wasn’t until it got quiet that you began to worry. 

“Is it done? Is it over...?” You asked the men on either side of you, afraid to peek past your hands for fear of the worst.

“Doll…?” you heard the familiar voice call, gritty and rough from its recent use but still carrying that same soft tone he used with you.

Your heart swelled, “Bucky...?”

_____________

Taglist: @writingmysanity @simpxinnie (sorry I forgot to tag!)

It's been a while since I've written for our favorite sad man, so if I've missed you/you want to be added to the taglist, DM me to let me know!

[milaisreading]

BLUE LOCK MASTERLIST

New masterlist since the old one had to be deleted. If someone could help me retrieve the links to some of my stories, I would be very greatful

Requests and rules

Hetalia masterlist

Get to know me

Crossdresser!Yn masterlist

Christmas special BLLK

World 5 masterlist

1. Yandere!Sae Itoshi x Reader (Halloween special 🎃)

2. Plushie incident in the morning

3. Random Blue Lock headcanons

4. Random Blue Lock scenarios pt1 / Random Blue Lock scenarios pt2

5. Blue lock characters as simps

6. Manager has a crush

7. A sick Reo

8. Manager meets the other players

9. A day off (Post U-20)

10. Manager goes away for 3 weeks / Manager goes away for 3 weeks pt2

11. Jersey numbers dilemma

12. Manager Yn and Ego's shenanigans

13. Kaiser, Ness, Oliver, and Sae

14. A family's misunderstanding

15. The manager has a type?! / The manager has a type?! Pt2

16. Fights over a jacket

17. Bus seat

18. A manager who needs football instructors

19. Of arguments and kiss-cams

20. Out on a date

21. Fan service

22. A creepy fan

23. Keychains

24. Yn merch

25. Caught in the middle (ReoxYnxNagi)

26. Misunderstandings (Itoshi Sae x Yn)

27. Toddler-sized manager?!

28. Manager Yn at Hakuho High

29. Baby Niko!!

30. Jersey issues (KaiserxYnxNess)

31. Toddler Kaiser

32. Of fake rumors and... dates?

33. Toddler Ness / Toddler Ness pt2

34. Since when are we engaged?! (Itoshi Sae x Yn)

35. Japan U-20 toddlers

36. It's our girlfriend (Bachira Meguru x Yn)

37. A bad day for the manager

38. Manager Yn being a fangirl

39. Shidou's girlfriend?!

40. Amnesia

41. Manager out and about with Oliver Aiku

42. Exes

43. Who is Toddler manager's favorite?!

44. Shark boy in lover (Kurona Ranze x Yn)

45. Celebratory date (Karasu Tabito x Yn)

46. Blue Lock 11 kindergarten

47. Overworked manager

48. That's my brother...

49. Toddler manager learned a new word... /

Toddler manager learned a new word... pt2

50. Toddler manager's day with Lorenzo

51. Some words of encouragement

52. Yandere Kainess

53. When Itoshi Sae visited Blue Lock

54. The clumsy and the simp

55. Another Yandere!Kainess

56. Meet the family

57. A jealous Sae

58. A week away (ft. World 5)

59. Toddler shenanigans

60. Meet the boyfriend (Leonardo Luna x Itoshi!Reader)

61. Sae the guard dog (Sae Itoshi x Isagi sister!Reader)

62. Misunderstandings and confessions (Sae Itoshi x Isagi sister!Reader)

63. 5th times the charm? (Valentine's Day special. Sae Itoshi x Isagi's sister!Reader)

64. Valentine's Day special! (Manager!Yn x Blue Lock/Japan U-20)

65. She likes a boy? (Fem!Sae Itoshi x Isagi's sister!Reader)

66. Sae and Yn as toddlers (Isagi's sister!Yn AU)

67. Wedding day (Isagi's sister!Yn x Sae)

68. Isaness fanfic

[house-of-lovin]

legally binded - 3

Jenna Ortega x F!Reader

masterlist | series mast. ♣ prev part | next part

Chapter 3: Movie Premieres, SNL and Quarrels

Summary: After getting caught in some hot waters with the press, you are forced into an unexpected agreement with America's sweetheart, Jenna Ortega to save your career.

Warnings/Tags: dual!pov, famous!reader, actress!reader, mentions of hard substances, intoxication, mature language, real people (do not read if any of these makes you uncomfortable)

(this is all fiction!)

Note: Otherwise known as the One in New York. What do you guys think about R and Jenna's dynamic so far? 👀 (taking a break for a few days/maybe a week after I post this, I think I've kept you all fed for a bit while I'm gone lol, in the meantime, send asks I'll try to answer all of them!😋)

Word Count: 6.4k+

“You get on that plane and I’ll drop you as a client.” Jake’s voice rings out from your work phone. 

“What the fuck, Jake, are you serious?!” You seethe, practically red in the face. 

You have been on the phone with Jake for the last hour – Liv refuses to pick up your calls after you blew up the group chat, rehashing your argument with Jenna. Desperately pleading to fly back home because you couldn’t stand being in the same city as the actress, at the moment. 

You couldn't even think about her words without it making your blood boil.

“Fuck yeah, I’m serious. Do you know what time it is here?”

Glancing at the clock it read 3:46 A.M. EST, you roll your eyes. “It’s just past midnight in L.A. You won’t die if you don’t get eight hours of sleep.”

“Be quiet. I don’t wanna hear another word from you.” He nearly shouts and you imagine that one vein popping through his forehead. You liked to stare at it when Jake goes off on his shouting tangents at you. 

He never notices that you're not paying attention.

“Maybe we should get Liv on the phone or maybe Sarah?” Link glances at you worriedly.

He hates seeing you so riled up, so he often played the middle-man with your quarrels against Jake and Liv.

“Liv says she doesn’t wanna hear it. Sarah says forget it and I’m saying, I’m not fucking around this time Y/N, this is your last chance. I’m over your shit.” He hangs up the phone, leaving the line dead.

You jump face-first into the stiff bed, groaning loudly.

“Looks like you’re outta luck.” He pats you back, leaving you to sulk alone as he shuts the door. “Try to get some sleep.”

There was no way you ended up in this situation. 

You guess, it was fair to acknowledge your recent streak of bad behaviour. First, it was tame — ignoring your phone, running away to party, getting mixed in the wrong crowds – eventually, Link had to start dragging you out of bed by the legs (sometimes kicking and screaming) just to make it in time for a gig.

You’re not sure when all of this started. All you knew is that you were so tired. You just wanted one second to breathe; to feel like that young child again, with hopes and dreams. But no, someone was always hovering over your shoulder ready to drag you away to another event you could care less about. 

You close your eyes, allowing the jetlag and exhaustion to set in as your body moulds into the mattress.

– 

The next day, you find yourself standing in front of Jenna’s hotel room. The large double door looks menacing and faintly, you can already hear a bustle on the other side. You really didn’t want to knock but you know what was on the line so you swallow your pride and raise a fist to knock. 

But before you can knock, the door is opening revealing a girl, with dirty blonde hair bearing a semblance to a certain actress. “Oh, hi!”

“Hello.” You greet warmly.

“I’m Aliyah. Jenna’s younger sister.” She holds her free hand out.

You shake her hand, “Nice to meet you, I’m–”

“I know who you are.” She smiled then laughed, “Everyone knows who you are.”

You chuckled, shyly nodding. “I guess.”

“Are you two done?” Jenna suddenly appears, yanking the door wider so you can see her. Her makeup complements her well; the green bustier two-piece looked expertly crafted just for her; and the way her hair fell in soft waves framed her face nicely. 

“Hi…” You say a little vacant-sounding.

You don’t say anything else.

From the corner of your eye, you see her sister’s raised brow but you think you’re imagining it because you can’t keep your gaze off of Jenna. The actress raises her brow at you, impatient.

“What did you need?” She asks.

“Uh—I wanted to talk, about last night."

Jenna watches you momentarily before rolling her eyes; pulling you inside with a rough yank. “Get inside before someone sees you — Aliyah close the door.”

You stumble, still a little dazed but the smaller girl’s nails are gripping your arm painfully making you snap out of it.

“Ow, ow, ow.” You whisper, not inattentive to the multiple people scattered around the large room.

“Guys, this is Y/N.” She ignored your complaints and pulled you past the foyer into the living room – her entire team had taken refuge in the room to get the star ready for a day of press interviews.

Various echoes of your name and greetings are sent back to you but you certainly don’t miss the awkward tension in the room started by your sudden presence. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, I can just go.” You point behind you.

“Nonsense.” An older woman that looked kinda like the actress waves off. “It’s great to have you here, Miss L/N. Jenna was just talking about you.”

“Oh please, just Y/N is fine.” Shaking your head bashfully, briefly wondering what she could be telling her family and team about what kind of person you are.

“I’m Jenna’s mom. That’s her dad, her other sister Mia, and her brother Markus.” She points and you try to keep up with the names of the people she’s throwing at you; Jenna’s family and team included.

“It’s so great to meet you all. It’s not hard to see that Jenna is so loved.” You say sincerely.

“We try our best.” Her dad says looking appreciative of your words. You smile at everyone and it seems to ease a bit of the tension in the room.

You didn’t see Jenna rolling her eyes again (her favourite to do around you) disregarding the encounter; she hides the surprise she feels from your genuine compliment.

Last night's argument with you, still burning in her brain.

“What did you want to say?" She says a little bluntly.

Watching as everyone turns to go back to what they were doing, you look down at Jenna. “Um… I wanted to apologize for last night. And call a truce, maybe over dinner?

She looks surprised not expecting you to be the first one to give in. “Oh…”

“Yeah…”

“I appreciate it.” Jenna cuts in, “I’m sorry too… a truce sounds good. Sarah got mad at me too, for what it's worth. She even said I was whining.”

Jenna jokes, dropping her walls a bit.

You rub a hand on the back of your neck, chuckling, “Good to know.”

“I can’t do dinner though.” She shuts her eyes as if remembering something. 

“Oh, that’s okay. Maybe another time.”

“Or maybe… you can be my date to the Scream cast dinner?” She offers, looking a little hopeful.

“Are you sure?” You chew your lip. Ignoring the word date.

“Yeah! Totally, you can meet everyone, it’ll be great. Not to throw anyone under the bus but they’ve been trying to meet you.” She says sheepishly.

You laugh, dropping your walls just a tad. “Sure I’ll be there.”

She smiles warmly, satisfied with your answer. “Yeah, it’ll be great. I guarantee there’ll be paparazzi, so it’ll be good for publicity. They’ve been hounding me since I landed, my dad nearly pushed a guy in the airport. I couldn’t even walk to the door by myself at the SNL dinner cast party.”

You lose a bit of the smile but Jenna doesn’t see, laughing at her memory of the paparazzi. You blink around, making sure no one saw you, it might give them the wrong idea. “Uh, yeah sure. I’m good with whatever.”

“Okay, cool.” She shoots a thumb up, walking away from you. “I’ll see you tonight?”

“Mhmm.” You smile, waving goodbye to everyone and booting it out the door. 

Unsure where the tension in your chest is coming from you swiftly walk to the elevator; aggressively tapping the button as if the elevator would come faster that way. And practically throwing yourself in the metal box as soon as it opens.

You miss the entire pandemonium that implodes in the room when you leave.

“Holy shit?” Mia exclaims.

“Language.” Her mom chastises. 

“No, holy shit, indeed. Jenna oh my god what did you do to that poor girl?” Aliyah walks past Jenna to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. 

“What are you talking about?” She looks at her sisters confused.

Mia’s rolling her eyes, standing up from the couch. “Did you not see the way she was looking at you?”

“No? How was she looking at me?” She turns to her mom who had a hint of a smile on her lips as if she knew something. Jenna was starting to feel left out. 

“She likes you, Jen.” Her brother speaks up, not even bothering to look up from his phone. 

“What? You guys are crazy. We barely know each other.” Jenna starts shaking her head furiously, turning to Enrique, her stylist and close friend. “Enrique, tell them they’re being crazy.”

But he shrugs, sharing that same Cheshire grin her mom had. “God, not you too.” She clamps her eyes shut with her hands.

“Hey! Watch the eyes!” Her makeup artist warns. 

“Dad?” She drops her hands, pleading at the silent man, who, she knows is listening. Why do Dads do that thing where they let everyone argue, only stepping in when the Mom asks for backup. 

He remains in character – staying silent.

“You guys don’t know what you’re talking about. She was literally here for five seconds. How could you possibly think she likes me from that.” Jenna turns to everyone else.

“I don’t know, Jen. The eyes never lie.” Mia says, privy to the way your smile fell when Jenna mentioned being spotted for publicity tonight. 

“I’m– I’m late for interviews, I need to go,” Jenna mutters, grabbing her purse and walking to the door. 

–

“This is gonna blow up.” Your producer says from beside you. 

“I don’t know. I still think it’s missing something.” You sigh, sliding the headphones off as you slump onto the plush leather seats. 

You sneaked off to the studio not too far from the hotel in lower Manhattan. See you would have told Link or anyone really, but you were trying to be discreet. And Link is one ‘ol snitch and the personal fun police. 

It seems after your fight with Jenna, Jake and Liv put you under strict instructions not to leave the hotel unless accompanied by someone from your team. 

You’re not a fucking child. You don’t need a babysitter. So here you are, with your producer in the studio trying to record this damn song you’ve been stuck on for three months.

“Maybe it’s time to scrap the song then.” He offers. “It’s never gonna be done before Coachella.”

Immediately you are shaking your head. No, this song is special, you can feel it. If only you can get your head out of your own ass long enough to find the damn words. 

“No, just– just put it on hold. Let’s work on something else.”

He sighs, clicking the screen to pull up another file. “Your call.”

The buzzing of your phone against the wooden table echoes into the silence that grew as you waited. “Ah fuck.”

Reaching over, you grab the phone and are bombarded by a flurry of texts and missed calls. 

Some from Jenna, some from your bodyguard and driver, most from Link.

Jenna’s is the first one you click.

The phone rings three times before it gets picked up. Muffled, loud voices are all you hear at first before she eventually speaks up, “Hello?”

“Hey, I am so–”

“Where the hell are you? You’re ten minutes late. We’re all waiting for you.” Her tone is sharp and snipped. 

You had fucked up.

“Fuck… I’m sorry, I’ll be right there– there was…. uh.” You stand, gathering your jacket and silently bidding your producer goodbye as he looks on confused. “There was a lot of traffic. I am so sorry, I’m trying to make it as fast as I can.”

She sighs through the phone, “It’s…fine. Just get here as soon as you can, please.”

A little white lie never killed anybody.

You make it to the restaurant in record time. Pushing through the paparazzi camping outside the restaurant doors. Do they have no shame? Clearly not as they shout Jenna’s name at you; asking if you were there to see her, trying to get their piece of the scoop. Thankfully, the security guard had seen you and personally ushered you to the cast‘s table. Someone must have informed them that you were coming.

You’re still blinking away the spots in your vision from the camera flashes when you feel an arm pulling you down to sit. 

“What took you so long?”Jenna asked assertively, scanning you.

“I told you. Traffic.” You plaster a smile at all the eyes on you, subtly shrugging Jenna’s arm off yours with a little bit of attitude.

You don’t miss her clenched jaw. Plastering a smile in front of her costars who were trying their best not to gawk at you. "Well, where were you then? No one could get a hold of you, we were worried."

You tried your hardest to school your genuine surprise at her worry. "Sorry. I was working. My phone was off."

“Hi! I’m Melissa, it’s so nice to meet you, I’m a big fan.” A brunette extends her hand from across the long table – interrupting Jenna before she can say anything else.

You make the usual greetings, introducing yourself to Jenna’s costars and colleagues. You felt a bit like a trophy wife if you were being honest. Like eye candy on her arm, serving only to make her look good. Upon that realization, you feel a little flushed. You’re not sure why, that is the whole point of this whole thing. 

Her castmates have been sending you two knowing eyes over dinner — giving Jenna inconspicuous smirks and smug grins as if you couldn’t see. You keep your head down after the pleasantries are over and the main courses are brought out. 

Grateful, you don’t have to talk about your upcoming projects any longer.

“What’s wrong?” You nudge her elbow, noticing how she was pushing away some pieces of food on her plate. 

“I don’t like apples.” She mutters. 

You can’t fight the smile that creeps on your lips but you don’t tease. “Just push them off to the side and I’ll eat it.”

She looks at you. “You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s no big deal.” You shrug taking a sip of your wine. 

“That doesn’t gross you out or anything? I know some people are weird about that sort of thing.” Jenna explains. 

“Dude, I’ll eat your apples, chill.” You laugh.

“Okay, thanks…” She mumbles, still looking at you but you turn, talking to Mason and his girlfriend.

Jenna feels a nudge on her side. “What?” 

“You two are cute.” Jasmin smirks. “And Y/N L/N? Not a bad catch at all.”

“Stop.” Jenna blushes. Unsure if she feels uncomfortable that some of her close and respected friends believe this lie so easily.

–

“Hey, give them some space!” The security guard shouts as the paparazzi come rushing toward the door as soon as the cast steps out. 

You were standing in the lobby waiting for Jenna. “Shit…” You hear her mutter, watching as she searches for something in her bag. 

“What’s up?” You ask.

“I forgot my sunglasses in my room. The flashes hurt my eyes.” She frowns. Wordlessly, you fish the pair you stashed in your jacket. 

“Here, wear mine.” You hold the glasses out, watching as she just stares at it. Rolling your eyes, you push it toward her. “Dude, just take it.”

“Thanks…” She mumbles, sliding them up her hair. 

You walk ahead of her, holding the door open as everyone trickles out. You’re regretting giving Jenna your only sunglasses cause the flashes are bright and it’s making your eyes water.

“Go ahead,” You usher, only leaving once everyone’s gone ahead of you. You trail behind ignoring the various men with large cameras chasing you as you walk down the sidewalk. 

“Y/N over here, please! Just one photo.”

“Y/N, just one photo of you and Jenna, please!” 

“What do you have to say about Vegas?”

You ignore them keeping your head down trying not to fall behind. 

“Where’s Y/N?” You hear over the sea of nameless faces. 

“Right here.” You say, sliding in beside her.

You miss the subtle sigh of relief she lets out.

“You can’t just walk behind everyone like that.” She grits, frustratedly.

"I tried to keep up." You mumbled like a scolded husband.

The shouting increases when you stand beside one another; practically rendering you blind with all the flashes. “Dammit.” 

You place an hand on her back, pushing her forward. “Put on the sunglasses and walk.”

“Y/N, please over here. Jenna!” The shouting is constant and blurs altogether all at the same time. 

“Ow.” You feel Jenna tumble when someone bumps her side causing her to bump harshly against you. Firmly, you grab her arm to preventing her from falling and pushed back against the crowd to check on her.

“Are you okay?” you ask worriedly as she fixes the lopsided glasses. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.”

“Hey. Watch it–” You grit at the closest person holding a camera. “It wasn’t me.”

The man insists, still shamelessly snapping flashes directly into your face and you begin to grow angry, slapping the camera out of his hands. “I said fucking watch it, asshole.”

You glare for a brief moment as the shouting gets impossibly louder. Knowing if you didn’t pull Jenna out of this, chaos would ensue. You link hands and drag her through the crowd, briskly walking to her castmates who shared looks of concern.

“Are you okay?” You ask, still walking but now barricaded by security and her friends.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I promise.” She squeezes your hand but then sighs, “You shouldn’t have done that.”

You scoff, “Are you serious? That guy pushed you.” 

“It was an accident and you kinda overreacted.” She whispers lowly. 

You clench your jaw, dropping her hand — Not wanting to blow up in front of her colleagues, you walk swiftly ahead.

You don’t talk even when you are both side-by-side being driven back to the hotel. Her driver has the partition up halfway but you see the nosy glances he keeps making at the rearview mirror as you and Jenna sit in silence; acutely aware to the growing tension between you and the actress.

You refuse to speak, just looking out the window as other cars pass by on the street. 

“Are you done ignoring me now?” She speaks up but you still don’t want to talk. “Seriously?”

“Y/N all he did was push me. A little shove, that’s all. I’m okay. What’s not okay is the phone call you know we’re going to get from Liv and Sarah about that guy’s camera.”

“He deserved it.” You mumble through the palm holding your head up. 

“I’m not saying he didn’t but you can’t just be aggressive to paparazzi like that. It’s exactly what they want.” She reasons, turning to you. Hoping you’ll finally look at her. 

“I know…”

“Look at me, please?” She places a hand on your arm.

You turn, keeping your face impassive.

She sends you a shy smile then laughed. “I mean it though, thank you for having my back. My Dad is gonna think this whole thing is hilarious.”

“Why?” You can’t help but join in.

“He’s a cop, so he’s a little protective. He’s been waiting to shove away a pap for the longest time. He’s gonna be so mad you beat him to it.” 

You laugh imagining her father’s reaction. 

–

“You haven’t seen Scream? Not even the original?” Jenna turns bewildered like it was the most blasphemous thing she’s ever heard. You were in her hotel suite, watching movies. For some reason, Jenna invited you over to her room after being dropped off at the hotel. “How? You’re an actress.”

You couldn’t think of a good reason to say no so you accepted.

“Yeah, sorry. Jeez. Way to sound like a film snob. I didn’t know there was a checklist of movies to watch before becoming an actor.” You snort reaching for more popcorn from the bowl beside you. 

“Shut up.” She hits you with the remote. “How have you not seen any of the Scream movies? You’re literally going to my premiere tomorrow.”

You hold up your hands in surrender, throwing a couple of kernels in your mouth. “Sorry, they’re not really my cup of tea.”

She rolls her eyes, snatching some popcorn from your hand, ignoring your protests. “Oh sorry, I forgot we have an action star in our midst.”

It was your turn to hit her arm, “Shut it. I just mean… I haven’t found the time to sit and watch them. They’re not exactly short films.”

“You’re in the MCU and Dune. Don’t talk to me about long movies.”

“Touché…” You can’t beat her there. They are ridiculously long movies. Probably why you’ve only ever seen them during premiere night and never again. “Well, put one on then. Let’s see what all the hype is about.”

She grins scrambling for the remote. “You’re on.”

You wait for her to pull up the Scream catalogue, chuckling at her visible excitement.

“Hey, why did you become an actress? and singer while we’re at it, Miss Grammy winner.” She nudges your shoulder.

You snort, shoving her lazily. “Shut up… Do you want the press interview answer or the real one?”

She raises a brow, immediately deciding. “The real one.”

You nod, feeling like she would say that.

“My mom... She was a rising star in the 80s but something happened and she never got to live out her dreams. When she had me she put me through all of the arts. I bumped and failed with most of them but acting and singing kinda stuck… I guess she saw those were the only two things I could stand so she pushed and pushed, it led to Jake discovering me and here we are.”

Jenna stays silent processing your story, she doesn’t miss the slight solemness your tone had taken. "Why do I feel like there's more to it than that?"

You chuckle, licking your lips. "Caught me... it's why I don't talk to my parents anymore."

"Oh..."

"Yeah. As soon as I turned eighteen I cut ties with them. She got too controlling, wanting money, wanting autonomy over my career so I took Link with me and moved to L.A. and did it on my own. I think... at some point acting became a spite thing with me because of her.

“Spite?” Jenna asks?

“Yeah… it was all I’ve ever known for a long time until I started making music. Probably the only time I’ve ever felt sure about a decision.”

"Oh..." Jenna finds herself saying again.

"Uh–sorry. I didn't mean to make it weird. We can just forget about it." You curl into yourself, tugging the blanket to your lap.

Jenna blinks, feeling dumb that she's made you think her silence is a bad thing.

"No..." She grabs your wrist. "Thank you for sharing with me."

You look into her eyes, feeling a bit small at her kind eyes. You know it's not out of pity but you couldn't help but want to close up again.

Pulling your hand away from her grip, you cough. "Of course, we're friends now."

"Oh, are we?" Jenna ignores the drop in her chest when you pulled away like that. “Okay, what’s the press answer then?”

“That I watched the movie Cabaret when I was younger and wanted to be like Liza Minelli.” You admit.

Jenna scoffs, “That’s literally my answer.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah except, it’s Dakota Fanning in Man on Fire.”

You chuckle, “doesn’t Denzel die in that one?”

“Yeah and what about it?” She raised a brow.

"But see, don’t fight it we’re meant to be friends... we even share the same answer."

"Shut up, dummy. Every actor has some sort of answer like that.”

Eventually, the two of you start a marathon of the Scream franchise. Which in hindsight, is kind of a bad idea seeing as it was way past midnight and the other actress still has a long week ahead of her. It seems like the events of the day catch up to her cause you feel a head slipping on your shoulder; distracting your focus halfway through Scream 3.

Jenna had fallen asleep with her head on your shoulder. You fight the urge to tense up not wanting to wake her up. She looked like she needed the rest and you relate more than anyone to her exhaustion. 

“Jenna…” You lightly tap, “You fell asleep, you need to go to bed.”

She grumbles, whining in her slumber. You feels your cheeks warm when she unconsciously moves to snuggle closer to you, throwing an arm over your waist.

Fuck.

Really?

God, I am not your strongest soldier. 

“Jen, seriously. Wake up.” You shake her arm.

“What?” She complains, her words muffled by your collarbone.

“You need to go to bed.”

The feeling of her soft lashes brushing against the material of your shirt as she blinks sends a shiver down your spine. “Oh…”

Jenna mumbles mortified. Quickly pushing herself off of you, unable to look you in the eyes. “Sorry.”

You don't mention how she might have punched your stomach and that you were desperately trying not to cough.

“S’okay…” You shake your head softly. You couldn't help but notice the way her hair fell over her eyes messily. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” She asks once she regains her senses, waking up from her short slumber.

Something tells Jenna she won’t be sleeping with how fast her heart is pounding; uncertain as to where her sudden anxiety is coming from. 

“Yeah… I’ll be waiting for you inside.” You stand gathering your belongings.

“Wait, you’re not walking the carpet with me?” Jenna pulled a face.

You raise a brow, “No? At least, I wasn't told I had to. They just said I had to show up.”

“Oh… okay.” She nods then sighed, long and profound.

You continue to raise a brow but don’t say anything. Not wanting to push her. You remember the last time you guys fought and are immediately turned off. No thanks, not trying to open that can of worms.

“Okay. Goodnight then.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.” She leans against the door.

Her premiere is a success. After borderline shoving you inside a tinted Cadillac, Link brushes your vintage Prada gown down; making sure you are in tip-top movie-star shape. You don’t walk the carpet, instead heading straight inside – making headlines. 

Your every damn move is a headline these days.

Silently thanking whatever God was out there that you didn’t because the way your jaw dropped when you see Jenna was downright embarrassing. Your reaction would surely have been a running piece if cameras were around.

Your managers would love it though.

Link had to forcefully elbow your side as Jenna walks up to greet you. 

“Wow…” You manage to say. “You look stunning Jenna.”

Jenna was glad for the dim lights in the theatre, “Thanks.” She blushes, casting her eyes down.

“You look great too.” She scans you up and down, suddenly feeling warm under her gape. 

Maybe it was the way her makeup is done or the deconstructed tuxedo for a dress that she had on tonight but she looked more mature, intimidating? Like she could throw you around a little and you’d just gladly ask her to do it again.

Wait, what?

“Thanks… Link and I should head to our seats but I just wanted to congratulate you. This is seriously amazing.” You express sincerely.

Jenna flushes more, waving you off with a huff and a lazy hand. “Please.”

“Seriously!”

Link coughs loudly, interrupting the bubble you and Jenna found yourselves in. “Okay, someone’s a little impatient. We better go.”

A hand reaches out, grabbing you. “Do you wanna, maybe, I don’t know. Sit beside me?”

You turn, surprised. “Oh? What about Enrique?” You glance at her stylist standing just behind her pretending like he wasn’t listening; fiddling on his phone. 

“I’m sure he won’t mind switching to sit with Link, right Enrique?” She turns, asking her friend.

He grins widely, “Nope. All good with me!”

“Perfect!” She smiles at you, still grabbing your arm. 

“We’ll be down there!” Jenna calls out to Link and Enrique linking your fingers out of nowhere as you walk to beside her costars.

You still don’t say anything when Jenna wraps herself around you when you make it to your seats, waving as people cheer with a large smile before pulling you to sit down. 

Only then did she pull herself away, “sorry about that.”

“All good.” You mumble after realizing what happened; turning to face the large screen.

Perfect photo op.

“Hey is that sharpie on your dress?”

“Yes.” She sighs.

The rest of the night goes off without a hitch but you can’t stop the growing unpleasantness in your chest. You decide to brush it off and save face for Jenna’s night. Your sulking and feelings can wait in the privacy of your own four walls and definitely not at a high-profile movie premiere.

By the time you found yourself at the NBC building in a random dressing room at the SNL studio, waiting for Jenna’s monologue you forget all about it. You lay lazily on a stiff and most likely old couch, scrolling through your phone. 

A knock on the door has you pulling off your headphones. “Come in.”

“Hey Y/N.” A head peaks in making you sit up briskly. “Aliyah, hey. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just uh– Jenna’s asking for you.” She sends a sheepish smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling.

“Oh,” Your head perks up. “Is she okay?” You question, following the smaller girl past hallways that all looked the same; trying not to bump into the various stagehands buzzing around. 

“Yeah, yeah, she’s kinda freaking out, though and… we can’t get her to calm down.” You both stop at a closed door. 

“Oh… why me?” You couldn’t help but ask.

“Uh… okay she didn’t exactly say you but I saw your episode and you were hilarious and who better to talk her down than someone who’s done it before.” She flashes a large grin before opening the door and shoving you inside.

The room is empty save for Jenna dressed in a short-legged suit. You force yourself to blink, reminding yourself that you are on a time crunch.

“Jenna.”

She snaps her head at your voice, and a noticeable tremble in her fingers is the first thing you see. “What–what are you doing here? I thought you’d be in your seat by now.”

“Your sister asked me to come.” You admit, walking forward.

“I’m fine. Go to your seat, I’ll see you after the show.” She turns her back to you, looking over sheets of paper with multi-coloured inked notes scribbled on every open space.

“Take a deep breath for me, Jenna.” You walk closer, slowly bringing the hand tightly clutching her notes down. The bones in her fingers relax as she drops the paper. She doesn’t say anything when you don’t disconnect your hands. 

You find yourself standing much closer to her.

“Take a deep breath.” You repeat.

Jenna closes her eyes, inhaling a long, deep and audible breath in then out. She clutches your fingers as she does so, unconsciously leaning back against you to ground her bubbling anxiety. 

She stays in your hold with her back against your chest: a death grip on your fingers. Your swipe a thumb over the skin of her hand. “It’ll be okay…”

“Thanks…” Jenna looks into your eyes, taking one last deep breath.

Briefly, you hold her gaze feeling tepid under the intense look in her eyes. You can’t tell what they're saying but for some reason, the way her dark pupils seemed softer under the fluorescent lights had you under a spell.

And for a fleeting second, you thought she was leaning in closer to you — eyes flickering to your lips.

“Don’t mention it.” You drop her hand immediately, taking wide steps back.

Not liking the way her eyes flickered down.

You don’t like what that could possibly mean.

Jenna’s turning rapidly, pretending not to notice as you take sizable steps away from her. “What did my sister say?”

You laugh, shoving your hands in your jacket. “That she liked my SNL episode and thought someone who’s done it before can talk you down.”

“Talk me down?” She scrunches her nose.

“Don’t shoot the messenger.” You shrug.

“Your episode was okay.” Jenna turns away to face a mirror, brushing away her bangs.

You take the bait, glad she wasn’t trembling anymore. “Okay? I got the whole cast to break, it’s considered a classic. It was nominated for an Emmy that year.”

“It didn’t win though.”

You scoff playfully, “I’m leaving. You clearly don’t need my help anymore.”

She laughs obnoxiously as you stomp out of her dressing room. “Wait.”

You stop just before you open the door. “Yeah?”

“Thank you… for talking me down.” She tucks a hair backs, a little shy.

The small smile creeping on your face is hard to subdue. “Don’t mention it. Now, go. You’re gonna kill it.” You wink, exiting the dressing room.

“She’s all good.” You tell her team.

“That’s it? She hasn’t calmed down all day, it takes you – what, five minutes?” Enrique crosses his arms. Jenna’s mom smirks, patting his back then walked past him and into the room as the rest of her family slowly trickled in; her sisters staring at you intensely.

“Uh sorry?” You blush furiously, walking off in the other direction to find your seat.

Jenna kills it, but that was never a surprise. You can tell she’s nervous throughout her monologue but after Fred Armisen does his bit – from beside you, which had been a pleasant surprise. She begins to grow confident, feeling pleased with your embarrassment when the camera pans to you and Fred.

You’d get her back for that. Making a mental note to cook up a special revenge plan, just for her.

Eventually, she falls into the role naturally. Nailing her punchlines perfectly, working the crowd like an expert, and exquisitely performing her skits. It’s a shock to you when you overhear someone behind you say she’s never done live stage work before.

She's so natural at it.

It's a privilege to watch her perform.

You nearly die when she changes into a red suit as she introduces the musical guest of the night.

Actually, you begin to slide off your seat when she comes out in a pinstripe suit — a reference to the Addams family you overheard in passing.

When credits roll and the ‘LIVE’ sign turns off. You remain in your seat. Unsure if you are just admiring her or if it’s ‘cause your legs no longer functioned. You can’t fight that admiration as it grows when you see how supportive her family is as they cheer her on and celebrate this win as one unit. 

You smile, wishing you can relate. At least some people had that in their lives.

A part of you thinks it makes the whole world’s difference, having a support system like that. But you would never know.

Silently, you slip out the stage doors and back to the random dressing room you’ve decided to take refuge in. 

You narrowly miss Jenna trying to find you through the masses; her smile dropping a bit when she realizes you’re gone.

– 

You don’t get a chance to personally congratulate Jenna because Link was bursting into the dressing room — after complaining about trying to find you for ten minutes. Rambling on how you’re needed back in Los Angeles and there was no time to say goodbye.

When you catch the other actress it’s by pure stroke of luck. You're going through checkout at the hotel, waiting for Link to do all the work as you wait behind him. 

You feel slightly guilty that you're just leaving without warning.

You should send Jenna a text, right? But would she even care if you left so suddenly? She did want you out of the city just a few days ago.

But then, you two literally just, might’ve, maybe, almost kissed/shared a moment in her dressing room, so who knows what you should do at this point.

You feel a migraine forming at the base of your skull, the longer you thought about the other actress.

“Y/N?” A voice breaks your self-deprecating thoughts. You turn to see Jenna with her team and family trailing beside her.

Jenna’s smile falls when she sees your bags. Her family walks ahead but you certainly don’t miss their curious eyes as she stops in front of you.

“Where are you going?” Her eyes keep flickering between you and your bags.

Link avoids her sharp, accusing eyes.

“Back to L.A. sorry I was just about to send you a text, actually.” You confessed, a little ashamed. 

It felt like you got caught doing something you shouldn’t be doing… like when you lie to your long-time partner about the real reason why you want some time apart.

“A text?” She raises an unamused brow not liking your answer.

“Yeah, Jake wants me back in L.A. Uh– sorry, was I supposed to tell you?” You ask, a bit confused.

“Tell me?” She scoffs, face dropping. “Yeah, you’re supposed to tell me. I was going to invite you to dinner to celebrate with my family and the SNL cast tonight. But you weren’t even in the audience anymore by the time I finished.”

“Sorry… I thought you’d want to celebrate with your family.” You shrug lamely, torn between feeling guilty and confused at her reaction to the news of your sudden departure.

She made it feel like you were trying to escape.

“Well, I thought–” 

She cuts herself off with a huff then looked back as her family waits for her by the elevator.

“Thought what?”

As if remembering she was still out in a very public setting, after hosting one of the most recognizable programs in America; Jenna blinks out of it. Shoving her feelings down.

“Nothing. Have a safe flight back to L.A. I’ll see you in a few days… or weeks” She mumbles with an edginess to her words, walking away before you can say anything else.

“Tough break, buddy.” Link pats a comforting hand on your shoulder as you were rendered speechless. Unsure if you should chase her down and apologize.

Damn can she walk fast in those heels.

But, why would you be apologizing for having to do your job?

But the way her brow creased like she was actually upset caused an unpleasant drop in your chest. Not enjoying how she was upset and that it seemed like it was all your fault. You? Nah. Maybe she’s still dealing with other stuff and is just taking it out on you. 

It wouldn’t be the first time.

“What. Just. Happened.” You turn, aggressively snatching your card from the hotel worker who definitely enjoyed the show.

“Are you blind?” He scoffs then walks away from you.

“What do you mean? Link… what do you mean?” 

-

taglist is closed (if your @ can't be tagged it will be removed, DM me to fix it.)

:)

@alexkolax @ladey @jjsmaybank20 @werewoofrobinbuckley @chealsib @fanboy7794 @la-douleur-ne-finit-jamais @zelload @natashadeservedmoree @orang3-ish @jennasslut @friedryes @canyonyodeler @nahnahnahwhatt @be-missed @jjuncidio @fearstreetsoloyouandurmom @oksana-moods @theirishmanronan @r-ude @wokethefuxkup @bandaidss @skate-to-breathee @user173781 @frasersgf @natblidaclexa @justafoolinlove @bring-mecoffee @slu7her @haughtsauce21 @wheesunsangel @cyberexpertalienspy-blog @jennaortegasfootrest @zaza11sblog @omega-horus @heroofdeath11 @selluequestrian @justalittledissociation @imaloserbby @catswag22 @sorexhera @smjmgko @acutenobody @raven-ss @canceldevvi @sweetaimu @rockwyn @rwndsana @cheesybacon1 @cvluswnt @secretbackrooms @vixen1006 @zhasmindoesntknow @namesduntmatter @ulicebld @rozmrazaradelfinow @icarly23 @cartierdreamx

[felixknow]

felixknow's Invisible Ask Game Masterlist, part one <3

"How could you not know? I made it so obvious." + Seungmin, I.N +

.

"No one loves me." "I'm literally right here." + Han + Bang Chan +

.

"Have you ever considered that I'm the person you're looking for?" + Lee Know +

"What do I have to do to make you realize I like you?" + I.N +

"Do you want kids?" + OT8 +

"Why do you care?" "Because I love you." + Bang Chan +

"You don't know I have a crush on you." + Bang Chan + Changbin +

"Is this what we do now? Make out but never talk about it?" + Han +

"I thought you wanted more than what we're doing right now." + Felix +

Sending a pic of you having sex + I.N + Bang Chan +

"Why don't you text me first?" + Hyunjin + Felix + Seungmin + Bang Chan, I.N +

"Why did you ghost me?" + Han + Seungmin +

"I'm head over heels for you but it's like you don't care." + I.N + Hyunjin +

"I want to save us. I want to keep what we have. Why don't you care? Why won't you fight for us?" + Han +

"Is this all I'm good for? Two weeks of flirting and cuddling and then you friendzone me?" + Seungmin +

"I don't believe you. You say you're not into me, but everything you do says otherwise." + Seungmin/I.N + Hyunjin + Bang Chan (coming soon) +

.

.

"We are not 'just friends' and you fucking know it." + Changbin + Bang Chan, Felix +

.

.

.

"I keep thinking about kissing you and it's fucking me up." + Lee Know, Seungmin, I.N +

26. "Please kiss me like you mean it." + Lee Know +

27. texting him song lyrics + OT8 +

28. "I've never wanted to fuck you more." + Felix +

29. "What if this changes everything?" + Felix +

30.

31.

32. "I tried to get over you but I can't." + Bang Chan +

33. "I miss being inside you." + Seungmin + Bang Chan, Lee Know, Felix +

34.

35. "What are we?" + I.N +

36.

37. "I can't forget how you taste." + Bang Chan + Hyunjin +

38. "Friends don't know the way you taste." + I.N +

39. "I moan your name when I masturbate." + Hyunjin +

40.

41.

42. "Isn't this what you wanted? To never see me again?" + Lee Know, Changbin + Bang Chan + Felix +

43. Random bf texts <3 + Hyung line + Maknae line +

44. "What? I don't hate you." + Changbin +

45.

46.

47.

48. "I want to make up for the past." + Changbin +

49.

50. He finds out you were a Stay before meeting him + Hyungs + Maknaes +

part two

[leilanihours]

🖇️ 46 + kate martin ugh that prompt is so UGH

# I WISH THAT YOU WOULD STAY IN MY MEMORIES

pairing: kate martin x ex-gf!reader

word count: 762

warnings: angst, mentions of ghosting, reader lowkey being unfair?

prompt: "i had finally forgotten about you. i had finally started to live again. and now you decide to come back."

⭑ from lani: i suck at writing angst but im on my period so here we are

celly masterlist !

main masterlist !

"ARE YOU EXPECTING someone?" your girlfriend, olivia, asks as you hear knocks at your front door. it's nearing midnight, exhaustion slowly overpowering your body.

"uh, no, are you?" you ponder, thinking of who the hell would be insane enough to show up to someone's house in the middle of the night while it's raining.

"nope," she answers, "want me to get it?"

"i got it, baby," you say softly, "wanna go make us some more popcorn?"

as she nods, you each get up from your spots on the couch. you pad over to the front door, slightly cracking it open only to be met with the last person you would've expected.

"kate?" your eyebrows are furrowed as you blink at the girl in front of you - one you hadn't seen in almost a year.

"hi, y/n," she breathes out.

"uh," you start, momentarily turning your head back to where your girlfriend was waiting for you in the living room. she notices who's at the door and nods for you to step out, "what are you doing here?"

"can we talk?" she asks, her eyes never leaving yours.

they aren't as bright as you remembered, but they still stared into yours with such deep emotion. you close the front door behind you with a laugh as you walk onto your front porch.

"you wanna talk now? after ten months?" you say incredulously, trying to stay calm.

"y/n, i'm sorry," she apologizes as she shoves her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants.

"do you even know what you're sorry for?" you ask with a sad shrug of your shoulders.

"i-"

"i'm assuming you don't," you interrupt, tears already stinging your eyes, "because you didn't reach out to me once after senior year. not once."

"i wanted to, y/n, you have to know that," she offers, her breath staggering.

"then why didn't you? i like to think that i deserved some sort of explanation."

"you did- you do. which is why i'm here," she confesses.

"oh really? because i think you're here to get closure. to ease your guilt. am i right?"

"no, i promise that's not what this is-"

"kate," you sigh, "you broke my heart last year. you broke me last year. when i wanted to support you and your dreams, you ghosted me, pushed me away. i wouldn't talk to anyone for weeks because of you, kate, weeks."

your chest heaved as you began spewing out all the emotions you had bottled up since the breakup. you were consumed with anger, betrayal, hurt, and you hadn't dealt with it properly until now.

"y/n," she pleads, tears brimming her eyes.

"no," you deny, "i had finally forgotten about you. i had finally started to live again. and now you decide to come back to ease your conscience before the season starts. i won't let you."

"i just wanna talk," she begs, reaching out for your hand before you step back from her, "please. i know i fucked up, i know i shouldn't have-"

"but you did, kate," you interrupt again, truly not wanting to hear some bullshit apology or sorry excuse of an explanation, "nothing will change that you did."

there's a beat of silence - nothing but the sound of sniffles filled the air.

you observe the blonde before you, her head pointed to the floor as her golden locks hide her face stained with tears. glancing behind her, you notice the rain had begun pouring harder, matching your emotions perfectly.

the rough patter of the raindrops falling onto the concrete mimics the pound of your heart aching in your chest as you feel all your old wounds reopening.

taking a deep breath, you begin to make your way back inside. you're halfway through the door thinking kate has accepted defeat until you hear her speak up.

"i'm sorry, y/n," she repeats, "if i could take it all back, i would do it in a heartbeat."

you bite your lip as you register her words, debating hearing her out before you are coaxed back to reality by your girlfriend calling your name.

"i'm sorry, too, kate," you whisper through staggered breaths, "i'm sorry you that wasted your time here."

and with that, you shut your front door, resting your head on the wood as you try to hold in your sobs and steady your heart rate.

you force yourself to come to terms with the fact that you had just closed a traumatic chapter of your life for good, hoping that you hadn't just made a mistake.

— leilani signing off ! 📁

[multific]

Destiny

Mycroft Holmes x Reader

Summary: What happens when you fall in love with the IceMan himself? It can never end well, right?

Destiny.

A simple word yet it held so much power.

What does it mean to be destined for something or even, someone?

When you first heard about this word, your grandmother told you how she and your grandfather met.

A true love story.

A story so beautiful it was always in the back of your head as you grew older and older.

You hoped you would have a similar experience in your love life. Finding, the person and falling in love, it all sounded amazing.

You knew you wouldn't be able to force such a thing, you were aware of that. And yet, you were impatient. 

So impatient that in fact, you fall into many traps.

In many ways, you thrived in your life.

Expect your love life.

Your desire for a love like no other made you fall in love with men who were undeserving. 

Until you met Mycroft Holmes.

To say that he was the entire British Government would be an understatement.

You applied for a simple job, to be his assistant.

You spent so much time with him, that you thought you were going insane.

You blamed Stockholm syndrome for your feelings.

The moment you realized your feelings were real was during a very difficult week.

Almost every criminal in London had an agenda to mess with him. This caused you to do so much overtime, that you didn't even leave the office.

It was during the fourth day when Mycroft showed up with a bouquet. 

"I thought you would be home," he said, clearly he wasn't prepared to have you right there, at your desk. "Usually you arrive at 6:46 because you stop by at the nearby bakery for breakfast and coffee." 

So, he did pay attention to you. After he spent all that time to make sure you are aware that he simply doesn't care for people like you.

"I stayed to finish the file on this. I-"

"Did you eat?"

"No, Sir." he made a face at that and took his phone out of his pocket.

"Delivery will be here in 10 minutes. Eat, drink your coffee and then come speak with me. I'll be in my office."

He ordered exactly just what you wanted with the most perfect coffee you ever had.

He paid attention to you.

And you realized your feelings for him were real.

You knew hiding it from him would be impossible. Mycroft was incredibly smart. He would notice.

But little did you know, he felt the same.

He thought you would notice his feelings and confront him about it. 

He wasn't ready for a rejection.

Yet, your rejection never came.

Not when he asked you out to dinner. Not when he brought you another bouquet.

Not when he kissed you.

Instead, he let you guide him.

Love wasn't new to him. He loved his siblings, and his parents but this kind of love is very different. 

He didn't have experience with this kind of love, and it scared him a little.

But he also didn't reject it.

He embraced it.

And soon, a beautiful diamond ring found its rightful place on your finger.

It might have not been the way you wanted your one and true love.

But it was your destiny.

And you were okay with it.

Taglist: 

@castellandiangelo @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @manduse @jacalineiscomingforyou @mandoloriancookie @il0vebeingdelulu @deliciousfestsalad @groovyqueer @lilliumrorum @asgards-princess-of-mischief

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

/YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO TRANSLATE OR REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO THIS OR OTHER PLATFORMS/

[iibonniee]

Self Care

Pairing: Lee Minhyuk x Reader

Genre: Smut

Warnings: unprotected sex, fingering, oral (fem receiving),

Rating: R

Word Count: 5.5k

Summary: After almost what feels like weeks of non-stop studying and taking finals, Y/N finally decides to invest in what everyone calls "self-care”. Little did she know her dearest best friend would show her his idea of self care.

Masterlist

The only thing that sat heavily on her mind was self-care. After weeks of almost back-to-back studying for finals, she knew she’d probably fail from procrastination alone; her body felt great, melting into her pleasantly soft couch. She knew she would need to get up if she wanted to do something of that nature called self-care. Still, the sofa had been calling her name after she blew it off one too many times in favor of her office chair and a dim light that hardly helped her focus on the text from the books.

After the finals, she enjoyed some time with friends, laughing about “how easy that final was.” She, of course, lied straight through her teeth to fit in with her laughing and slightly intoxicated friends. That final was absolute hell, and if she could, she’d totally find the professor’s house and tell them they should quit their jobs simply because what the fuck? Never mind the fact that she blew off all her friends in favor of studying.

Her lips pursed, remembering how her dearest friend Minhyuk had messaged her just hours ago. Instead of responding, she simply swiped the notification away for the fifth time that day. What could she say? Those finals tore through her, and now the simple fact of being around any single person deeply disturbed her. But thinking about practically blowing the man off, even with a schedule more packed than her, made her feel slightly terrible.

Her predicament was this: she was sitting – laying – very comfortably while her phone was peacefully resting on the coffee table just inches from her. She could, in theory, simply reach out for the phone and message him back. Surely, he would only lay into her a bit because “Best friends don’t leave each other on delivered for more than an hour. You know I break the rules just to message you back.”

Scratch that; he totally would lay into her.

The puff she let out was more than audible, and she swore the creaking in her bones was just as loud. Studying with work should be considered a sport. Her phone was cool to the touch, and as she had guessed, the male in question had sent her just about 5 messages for almost every single hour that had passed.

Reading his messages over, she couldn’t help but laugh loudly, thinking about the main vocalist tripping. At how she knew he’d tear the duo a new one just for bringing it up almost every couple minutes, thinking it was the funniest thing to date. The guilt was starting to eat at her for simply ignoring him.

09:16 a.m.: Y/N: wish me luck on my final 🤞 professor choi said it would be difficult as hell (not his exact words, but he was basically saying just that), so if i don’t ace this, blame my procrastination

09:17 a.m.: Minhyuk:  i can just picture your face now, sweating and pulling that super weird and questionable face you do whenever you’re thinking too hard 😂

10:46 a.m.: Minhyuk: i purposely waited more than an hour. how did you do?

11:28 a.m.:  Minhyuk: did you procrastinate so hard you died?

12.33 p.m.: Minhyuk: kihyun tripped down the stairs. me and hyungwon thought it was hilarious. imagine you messaged me back, and you could be laughing about it instead of me and him. you should be jealous of hyungwon

2:40 p.m. Minhyuk: earth to y/n?? i’m missing you! this is important

5:32 p.m. Minhyuk: i can’t believe procrastination took my best friend like this

The time was just shy of 8. She knew if he checked, he’d see she had read his messages and begin to think of a well-worded 5 paragraph essay as to why what she did was absolutely fucking rude. Deciding that rather than dealing with the bullet, she would try to avoid it.

7:56 p.m.: Y/N: don’t hate me…

7:56 p.m.: Y/N: i may have gotten dragged out with some friends from class to get “celebratory drinks”. believe me, i was going to message you back 🤗

She watched the message go from “delivered” to read in seconds. Her heart felt like a drum against her ribcage. Her eyes were glued to the screen like fresh glue. Like a child ready for her parents scolding, she waited with bated breath for his reply. The silence that stretched on was suffocating, the seconds ticking by like hours in her mind. She mentally composed a hundred excuses, each more dramatic and apologetic than the last, the nails of her free hand digging into the palm as she braced herself for the inevitable.

7:58 p.m.:  Minhyuk: dragged out, huh? guess those drinks were more important than letting me know you’re alive

The words stung like salt on an open wound, a sharp contrast to his usual playful banter. She could practically hear his voice in the text, tinged with annoyance that didn’t quite mask the concern behind it. She cursed at her screen, mentally chastising herself for her thoughtlessness.

7:58 p.m.:  Y/N: i’m so sorry minhyuk, today was a mess and i lost track of time. i didn’t mean to worry you or be rude

Her fingers hesitated over the send button before she finally pressed it, releasing a sigh that did nothing to ease the tension from her shoulders. She dared not to look away from the conversation, the panic turning her stomach into knots.

The dots appeared and disappeared, a sure sign he was typing, re-typing, his response proving he too was unsure of what to say. The wait was agonizing, her anticipation painted with shades of regret and anxiety. It was the kind of suspense that could only come from caring too much about someone’s opinion, about someone’s feelings.

8:00 p.m.:  Minhyuk: you’re lucky i care enough not to stay mad at you. don’t do this again y/n, it’s not just me, okay? we all worry.

Reading his response, a mixture of relief and guilt washed over her. Relief that he hadn’t completely unleashed his frustration on her, and guilt that she had caused him to worry in the first place. The knots in her stomach began to loosen, albeit slowly, as a crescent of gratitude rose amid the chaos of her emotions. 

8:00 p.m.:  Minhyuk: how did you do on the test? 

8:01 p.m.: Y/N: i think i passed? if i don’t pass, i’m going to my professor’s house and bitching him out. but since it’s all done now, i’ve been thinking about giving myself some self-care

8:02 p.m.: Minhyuk: like all those stupid videos you see?

Her thumbs hovered over the phone’s keyboard, the blue light casting ghostly shadows on her fingers. She drew in a breath as if about to dive underwater, aware that admitting her struggles to Minhyuk felt akin to exposing a vulnerability she often kept veiled.

8:03 p.m.:  Y/N: yeah, something like that. finals really did a number on me. my shoulders are up to my ears in tension. could really use one of those self-care days.

She sent the message out into the void between them, a digital confession that carried more weight than the characters it was comprised of. Her phone was a lifeline, a barrier, and a bridge all at once. Her screen flickered with the indication that he was replying, and she felt her pulse escalate, the anticipation tantamount to the moments before a storm broke.

The typing indicator blinked. Then.. stopped. She couldn’t help the frown that crept onto her lips. Were her problems too trivial? Too human for the idol facade he often wore?

But then, almost teasingly, the typing resumed. Her heart danced to the rhythm of his unseen keystrokes, a delicate waltz of hope and anxiety.

8:05 p.m.:  Minhyuk: i could come over? offer you some... exclusive minhyuk-brand self-care tips.

The message was light-hearted, a classic Minhyuk approach to her distress – humor laced with the promise of comfort. She couldn’t help the small smile that broke through, even as a blush warmed her cheeks.

8:06 p.m.:  Y/N: oh? and what kind of self-care tips are those?

The faintest feeling of daring bubbled inside her. To flirt with the boundaries of their rapport seemed reckless, yet the adrenaline of it was intoxicating. Minhyuk’s reply didn’t come instantly this time, and the silence stretched just enough to fan the flames of her curiosity.

8:09 p.m.:  Minhyuk: i could make you cum. i heard that’s a great way of relaxing and relieving tension.

The heat spread across her face way too fast for her liking. She knew Minhyuk. The man was often brutal when speaking honestly. Still, behind that brutal honesty, he was often gentle, a softness that he reserved for the quieter moments between them. It was that duality that had always drawn her to him, that fine line he walked between audacity and tenderness.

Y/N stared at the screen, the words blurring as her heart hammered. Was he serious? There was no way to gauge the sincerity of his tone through text. Still, a part of her, perhaps secretly hoping for a bit more than friendly banter, conjured up a thrilling image of him following through. In front of her, eating her out to relieve her stress. She swore he had talked about it before. Something about how Hoseok helped someone out and not in a work-friendly manner. Had he meant the same way?

She was about to type a response, her fingertips shaky with a mix of nerves and anticipation, when a new message popped up.

8:12 p.m.:  Minhyuk: unless... you’re already thinking about it?

The playful tease was evident even through the digital text, and she stiffened, caught utterly off guard. Yes, she was thinking about it, but the fact that he could call her out so accurately sent a jolt through her. Her pulse raced, the mixture of embarrassment and excitement causing a delicious tension within her. She found herself at a crossroads of confusion and desire. Trying to regain some semblance of control over the situation, she decided to play along, if only to see where this would go.

8:12 p.m.:  Y/N: idk, is that what you recommend to all your friends when they’re stressed? 

Her response was nonchalant, an attempt to mirror his teasing while her mind whirred with the possibilities. She waited, breath held, for his answer, utterly unaware of how this conversation might change everything.

8:12 p.m.:  Minhyuk: no, just you. 

She could hear his voice in that message — low, teasing, and devastatingly focused — as if he were beside her. The notion sent a tremble through her body. Her phone seemed to burn her fingertips, a virtual representation of the invisible thread tugging them closer with each message sent.

8:13 p.m.:  Y/N: and what if i were thinking about it? what then?

Her heart was pounding a staccato rhythm against her ribs. Each beat seemed to echo his name. She was playing with fire, and a part of her didn’t want to stop — couldn’t stop — even if she tried.

A pause lingered, almost too long, before his following message arrived, and it had her breath hitching in anticipation.

8:15 p.m.:  Minhyuk: then i’d say we’re thinking about the same thing. i could be over in 10.

Her breath caught in a sharp inhale, a swirl of heat and butterflies erupting in her stomach. She’d known Minhyuk was bold, but this was uncharted territory. Each message was a step further into the unknown, and she wasn’t sure if her racing heart wanted him to slow down or to bridge the distance even faster.

8:16 p.m.:  Y/N: you wouldn’t dare.

It was a challenge, the kind of throwdown she’d seen in the charged space between two people in movies, the type that always led to someone’s back pressed against a wall, breaths mingling, gazes locked. She was playing her part in their little game, the script being written in real-time.

8:17 p.m.:  Minhyuk: try me.

And he added a winking emoji for good measure. A bold, ridiculous little symbol that shouldn’t have the power to increase her heart rate, but it did. It really did.

8:18 p.m.:  Y/N: …

She was lost for words; the ellipsis was all she could manage as a flurry of thoughts bombarded her, each of them an image of possibility. Her body was alight with unsaid promises, every nerve ending buzzing as if the warmth of his tease had a tangible touch. The air felt charged around her, heavy with the electric potential of ‘what if.’ Was she ready for the ‘what if’ to become reality? The next few moments would tell.

8:18 p.m.:  Minhyuk: say the word, and i’m there. i could have you cumming so hard you forget about that final. with my fingers, mouth, and cock. 

The audacity of his words sent a jolt through her, a storm of heat and shivers cascading down her spine. She read his message once, twice, thrice, each word emblazoning itself into her mind, conjuring images more vivid than any fantasy she’d dared to entertain.

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, a dozen responses racing her mind. She knew Minhyuk, his sweet smirks, and the playful glint in his eye. But this was a new dance, where he was both the lead and the tempo, and she was swept up in the rhythm.

8:19 p.m.:  Y/N: you talk a big game. what makes you think i’d want that?

It was a deflection, a coy invitation for him to prove his point, and part of her thrilled at the boldness of her own words. All around her, the room hummed with the tension of a prelude to something momentous.

Minhyuk replied quickly, stoking the embers that danced beneath her skin.

8:19 p.m.:  Minhyuk: because i know you. because i’ve seen that look in your eyes that screams yes even when your lips are biting back the words. i’ve known you for years, y/n. i know what makes you tick. i just don’t say anything.

Her heart was soaring and plummeting all at once, caught between nerves and an exhilarating sense of inevitability. Minhyuk was as deft with his textual innuendos as he was with every other facet of their relationship — constantly pushing, always knowing just how far to go.

8:20 p.m.:  Y/N: if i say the word... do you promise to keep yours?

She was still questioning, still testing the waters, but the thrum of excitement in her blood was yielding to the magnetic pull of his promise. There was a potent sense of surrender threading through her words, a submission to the torrential desire she could no longer deny.

8:21 p.m.:  Minhyuk: i keep my promises. always. especially to you.

That was all it took. She sat, heart racing, a cacophony of longing ringing loud in the quiet of her room, and she realized she wanted the reality far more than the fantasy.

8:22 p.m.:  Y/N: come over.

Sent. 

The word lingered on the screen, heavy with implication and as momentous as crossing a threshold. As the message —come over — fades from the screen, Minhyuk feels a surge of exhilaration pulse through his veins. His heart drummed a rapid beat, and he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. There’s a smirk tugging at his lips, one of anticipation and victory mixed with a raw desire he’s only ever shown to her. 

8:23 p.m.:  Minhyuk: i’ll be there in 10. get ready for me.

Sent. 

The words, simple yet laden with his intent, dart through the digital space — a promise swiftly turning into a plan of action. He grabs his keys, phone, and composure — though the last seems fragile, like a thin veneer over the tumultuous wave of want coursing through him.

Meanwhile, her palms press into the plush fabric of the couch, her breaths coming out in short, deliberate gusts. Her eyes dart to the door and then to the phone. A carousel of feelings spins within her: excitement, trepidation, desire, doubt. One moment, she feels a giddy joy bubble up from her stomach; the next, nail-biting anxiety clenches at her throat.

She gets up, paces, and sits back down. The room feels smaller, as if the walls are inching closer with each second that ticks by. Cracks of light from the fading evening stretch across the floor, painting elongated shadows that mimic her tangled emotions.

8:25 p.m.:  Y/N: okay, i’ll be waiting.

A part of her wonders at her own audacity. How easy it was to type those words, yet how profound the impact. It’s a seismic shift, an invisible line crossed, the soft click of a door unlocking — whatever it may be, their relationship won’t be the same after tonight.

She lights a candle, the flicker of the flame casting a warm glow in the living room. It’s a vain attempt at nonchalance as if to say, ‘I do this all the time,’ when, in fact, her heart’s racing like it’s her first-ever date. Her mind plays and replays the possible scenarios, each as vivid and nerve-wracking as the last. Then, she blows it out. Her mind going a mile a minute. This was probably just going to be a quick fuck session. Nothing more.

And then, as the minute hand inches obligingly towards the half-hour mark, every nerve in her body seems to stand on edge, her senses heightened to the rapid-fire staccato of her heartbeat. It is equally the most terrifying and exciting countdown.

Three heavy and loud knocks greet her once-silent apartment. The knocks seem to reverberate throughout her apartment, a thunderous declaration that shatters the quiet anticipation. She freezes, every muscle coiled with an energy akin to the electric charge of a brewing storm. The moment she’s been swinging between dread and desire is now palpable, as imminent as the next breath.

Time seems to stretch these seconds to minutes as she gathers the courage to pad across the hardwood floor. She feels every fiber in the woven rug underfoot, every whisper of the evening air that sneaks through the cracks of her haven. With each step, her heart is both a traitor and an ally, pounding against her chest in nervous fervor.

Her hand hesitates briefly at the door handle, a transitional talisman that stands between what was and what could be. The cool metal sears her skin, starkly contrasting the warmth flooding her veins. She’s vulnerable, exposed, and yet the thrill of it sets her alight — a moth to flame, a siren to the sea.

Swallowing the tightly bunched nerves in her throat, she flings the door open with a quiet determination. It’s her choice, her call to make.

And there he is — Minhyuk — looking every bit the tempest she feels inside. His eyes are hooded, heavy with a desire that mirrors her own, and his lips part slightly, as if every breath he takes is borrowed, meant for this moment alone. His hair is a charming disarray, a testament to the fingers that have raked through it in impatience, want, or both.

His gaze latches onto hers immediately, an invisible yet unbreakable link snapping taut between them. He wastes no time and no words. As if pulled by an irresistible force, he steps into her apartment, closing the space that had stretched unfathomable just seconds ago. With a surety that only Minhyuk possesses, he wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her close.

Everything in her screams to melt into him, into the kiss they’ve both implicitly promised each other through screens and silent longings. Her lips part in an intake of breath, a silent invitation.

He meets her halfway, and the kiss is a collision of every unsaid confession, every smoldering glance, every midnight thought. It consumes her, a fire that she’s stoked with every heart race, every blush, every time she dared to look at him and see more than just her best friend.

He nudges her towards the couch, his fingers gripping her hip as she sinks down onto its cushions. Her eyes lock onto his, desire smoldering beneath her gaze. He moves in closer, tracing the curve of her neck with his lips as he inches lower, his hand sliding up her thigh. She gasps as his fingers brush against her damp underwear, her body arching into his touch. His lips find hers, their kiss deepening as his hand works its way inside her panties, stroking her already swollen core. 

“Fuck,” he whispers against her mouth, “you’re wet.”

She moans softly, unable to tear her eyes away from his as he slowly pulls down her panties and tosses them aside. He kneels between her legs, running his tongue along the length of her slit before plunging it deep inside her tight heat. She bucks against him, crying out in pleasure as he thrusts his tongue in and out of her hungrily. His fingers find their way back to her clit, circling it expertly as he sucks harder on her folds. 

She’s never felt anything like this before; he knows exactly how to drive her wild with need. And how he looks at her — like she’s something precious yet completely surrendered — makes her heart race and throb between her legs. 

“Soon, you’ll be forgetting all about that final while I make you cum over and over again. How do you want to cum the first time? With my mouth or fingers?”

The sound of his voice sends chills down her spine. She can feel his hot breath on her pussy, his tongue dancing over her sensitive nub. Her eyes roll back in pleasure as she responds, “Fingers, please.”

With a smirk, he removes his fingers from her dripping pussy and starts massaging her clit, using his thumb to apply pressure and flick it gently. She squirms and whimpers, desperate for release.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, a voice full of taunting innocence.

“No! Please don’t stop,” she pleads, her eyes squeezed shut.

Satisfied, he continues his assault on her clit until she’s writhing in ecstasy, begging him to finger her. He smiles wickedly, knowing he has complete control over her.

“Please finger me. I need it so bad,” she begs, her voice hoarse with need.

He chuckles darkly and leans in close to whisper in her ear. “Of course, princess. Whatever you want.”

With that, he slides two fingers inside her tight pussy, curling them up to hit her G-spot just right. She cries out in pleasure, her body shaking as he pumps his fingers in and out of her. He adds a third finger, stretching her wider and hitting deeper. She moans louder, her hips bucking wildly against his hand.

“Are you gonna cum for me?” he teases, his voice low and gravelly.

She nods frantically, unable to speak through the waves of pleasure washing over her. He grins and increases the pace of his fingers, rubbing her clit with his thumb. She cries out again, her entire body tightening as she reaches the brink of orgasm.

“Cum for me, baby girl,” he growls, his voice filled with possessiveness.

She gives in, surrendering to the overwhelming sensations coursing through her body. She comes hard, screaming his name as her entire body shakes and trembles. He keeps pumping his fingers, letting her ride her orgasm out.

She gives in, surrendering to the overwhelming sensations coursing through her body. She comes hard, screaming his name as her entire body shakes and trembles. He keeps pumping his fingers, letting her ride her orgasm out. Her breathing was heavy as she tried to catch her breath. He allowed it only for a moment, letting out a gasp as his mouth replaced his fingers.

“I told you I’m going to make you cum with my mouth. I need to taste you.”

Her body quivered and shook as his tongue danced along her clit. Her hands tangled themselves in his hair, holding him closer. His tongue was relentless. He sucked hard, licking faster, flicking her clit harder and harder. She could feel herself getting closer and closer to another orgasm. His fingers slid inside her once more, and he began to pump them in and out of her, his tongue still working overtime on her clit. The sensation was too much. She screamed out his name and came hard once again.

With a savage growl, he buried his face between her trembling thighs, his tongue lashing out at her swollen clit with unrestrained hunger, wanting to get another orgasm from her. She gasped, her fingers tightening in his hair as he devoured her pussy like a starving man. His tongue danced and flicked, tracing wet circles around her sensitive bud before sucking it hard into his mouth. 

“Fuck, yes,” she moaned, grinding her hips against his face. “Don’t stop, don’t ever stop.” 

He growled again, the vibrations sending shockwaves through her body as he doubled down on his assault. His fingers slid inside her, pumping in and out with an almost brutal intensity. She could feel herself tightening around him, her orgasm building like wildfire. 

“You like that, baby?” he rasped, his voice thick with lust. “You like it when I fuck you like this?” 

“God, yes,” she whimpered, her fingers digging into his scalp. “More, give me more.” 

He chuckled darkly, his tongue flicking faster, his fingers pumping harder. She could feel her legs shaking, her body trembling with the effort of holding on. And then, with a final flick of his tongue, she shattered. 

“Oh, fuck!” she screamed, her back arching off the couch as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over her. He didn’t stop, didn’t let up, his tongue and fingers working her through her orgasm until she was boneless and spent.

“Is that so?” he replied, his voice husky with desire, his brow raised in surprise, a smirk pulling at his lips.

She nodded, her eyes never leaving his. “I want you to take me,” she said, her voice low and seductive. “I want to feel you inside of me.”

Without another word, he rose from the couch and pulled her towards him. Their lips crashed together in a feverish kiss as he guided her towards the bedroom. They stumbled through the door, their hands frantically tugging at each other’s clothes until they were both naked and pressed against the bed.

He pushed her onto the soft mattress, his body covering hers as he claimed her lips once more. She moaned into his mouth as he trailed kisses down her neck, his hands roaming over her body with possessive hunger.

“You asked for it,” he said, his voice barely audible. He growled, his hands gripping her hips as he positioned himself at her entrance. 

And then he was inside her, filling her completely. She gasped, her nails digging into his back as he began to move. He fucked her hard and fast, his hips slamming into hers with bruising force. She could feel every inch of him, his cock hitting her in just the right spot. 

“Harder,” she begged, her voice breathless. “Fuck me harder. I want you to keep your promise to me.”

He growled, his fingers tightening on her hips as he complied. She could feel herself building again, her orgasm coiling in her belly like a spring. And then, with one final thrust, he sent her over the edge. 

“Oh, God!” she screamed, her body convulsing as wave after wave of pleasure washed over her. He followed her over, his own orgasm tearing through him like a storm. 

When it was over, they lay tangled in each other’s arms, their bodies slick with sweat and satisfaction. “Fuck. That was good.”

“I aim to please,” he said, his voice smug. He then chuckled, his hand stroking her hair. 

“You’re insufferable,” she said, but her tone was affectionate. Rolling her eyes, a soft chuckle left her lips as she turned to look at him. At that moment, they felt like lovers. Not two best friends who had probably just broken so many rules and fucked. That was perhaps the first rule as best friends. Not fuck. “Min, can I ask you something?”

Silence filled the room—a loaded, thickening quiet pressed against their skin even as they basked in the afterglow of their indiscretion. The sheets clung to their intertwined limbs, a shroud of evidence to the line they had just obliterated.

“Yeah, anything,” he responded, still close enough that his breath danced across her skin.

Her voice, when it next came, was a poignant mix of vulnerability and resolve. “Minhyuk, what does this mean for us? We’ve just tangled everything up, and I can’t... I can’t just pretend we can go back to how things were.”

He felt the weight of her question settle over his chest, heavier than her hand had been moments before. Averting his gaze, he reached for levity in a situation that felt dangerously close to shifting their worlds. “Before we get into that, have you considered what you’re doing this summer? Maybe a trip somewhere could clear our heads.”

The light swat to his chest was a rebuke, her expression earnest and searching. “Seriously, Minhyuk. We can’t just ignore this.”

“You’re right,” he conceded, his voice touched by a seriousness mirrored her own. He sighed, feeling the tension in the air wraps around them tight. “We can’t. So here’s the truth — I don’t have all the answers. But I know that whatever we’ve done or will do, I don’t want to lose you, not as my friend, not as... this. Whatever this is.”

She let the silence fill the room for a beat. Unsure of their next actions. She just fucked her best friend. Her best friend of 5 years. The man who comforted her during her heartbreaks, made her laugh when she was at her lowest, the man who knew her family so well. And she loved it. 

Hell, she loved him.

“We could be friends with benefits.” Throwing the idea out there was just as risky as him leaving her apartment and blocking her number once he realized that this was fucked and should’ve never happened. But she was greedy - far too greedy for her to admit. She would rather pass away than see Minhyuk with someone. And she’s been around him for a long time to see how well he can treat someone he loves. She wants that. “Or not. We can just act like this didn’t happen.”

Her heart was a thunderous echo against her ribs as she waited for his reaction. The words hung there, suspended, a proposal that felt like the edge of a precipice. Fear twisted inside her; images of him pulling away, of a frayed friendship, flashed in her mind.

Minhyuk was silent. His eyes, dark pools of thought, fixed on her face as if trying to read the story written in her expectant gaze. Time crawled, a slow tick in an otherwise frozen room.

And then, finally, he exhaled. “Okay.”

Her breath hitched. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, the corner of his lips tilting into a half-smile of bemused acceptance. “We can try it. Friends with benefits.”

She nearly choked on her relief. But her heart was still a galloping stallion; this was uncharted territory.

“But if we’re doing this,” Minhyuk continued, suddenly practical in the midst of their emotional tempest, “we need rules. We must be on the same page about everything to protect... this.” He gestured between them, the fragile, precious thing that was their friendship.

Her mind raced, and yet, she was hit by the sudden gravity of their decision. “Rules,” she echoed, the word bringing a semblance of safety amidst the chaos of their desire. “Rules. Okay.”

“We respect each other, always,” he started, the serious hue returning to his voice. “And if one of us starts feeling more, we talk about it—no ghosting, no pretending. Nobody can know. This is between us. Someone might complicate things. Lastly, if either of us finds someone…” He paused, his eyes searching her room before landing on her again. Clearing his throat, he continues, “We stop this. We go back to being just best friends.”

She nodded, feeling the weight of their pact settle in. “And we end things if it’s too much.”

They both knew the stakes, the gamble, but in that moment, cloaked in the night’s embrace, it seemed possible to preserve their bond while exploring these new, thrilling dynamics.

“Deal,” she whispered, a pact sealed with a mixture of anxiety and exhilaration.

The new agreement hummed between them, electric and alive. They were venturing into a maelstrom, two friends teetering on the cusp of something more, grasping at rules in a game where the heart was the ultimate prize.

“Deal.”

[staytinyville]

OUTLAW (46)

ATEEZ poly!ot8 x Reader

Cowboy AU / Wild West

Series Masterlist

Warning: none

A/N NOT BETA READ. PLEASE EXCUSE THE LATE UPDATE. Holiday weeks have officially passed (boo) so we are hopefully back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Your jaw was clenched as you stared at the building in front of you. The boys all stood behind you, trying to come up with a plan to infiltrate city hall. The only thing on your mind though, was getting your father out and putting Hendricks behind bars where he belonged. 

“How do we get in?” Seonghwa asked. 

“We could use the side window, like last time.” Yunho answered. 

“People would notice us by the time we crawled through.” San said. 

“We could wait until Klein steps out and we kidnap him.” Wooyung suggested. 

Each of the boys were too preoccupied with trying to find a way in, that they hadn’t noticed you march your way through the front doors. Your adrenaline from the anger was kicking in and you had not movement to stop your legs and think about a plan before going in. 

“That would take too long.” Hongjoong shook his head. “Quaid could be gone by then.”

“Angel?”

Your hands pushed the door open, making it slam against a wall. Everyone inside flinched, turning to see you walk further in and towards the back of the building. 

“Hey, what's going on?” A worker asked, quickling trying to block your way. 

“Out of my way.” You glared, finding Klein’s office and throwing the door open. 

“Miss, you can't go in there.” The worker called out, but you had shut the door in his face before he had the chance of walking in.

“Stop her!” Someone shouted on the other side of the door. 

However you had moved to turn the key, quickly locking it. Turning on your heel you faced Klein at his desk with Hendricks sitting in front. Hendricks crossed his arms as he took you in, clenching his jaw, while Klein was confused over the whole thing. 

“What is the meaning of this!?” Klein sputtered. “Who are you!?”

“Why don't you ask your dear friend Hendricks.” You turned your stare to the sheriff, turning your nose up.

“Serving men well?” Hendricks asked, eyes boring into you. 

“Arresting innocents ease your mind?” You sneered back, glaring at the older man.

“Excuse me—” Klein tried to put in. 

“This doesn't concern you.” Hendricks scolded the mayor, making you glare harder. 

“Don’t speak to him that way.” You shot back.

“Who are you to tell me what to do?” Hendricks stood from the chair, moving into your personal space. 

You took a step back, an unsettling feeling falling into your chest from how much the man wanted to intimidate you. It wasn’t that you were trying to get away from him. It was the you wanted room to throw a punch if need be. 

Before you could say anything more, something pushed the window behind Klein open harshly. Mingi’s glare was pointed into the room, hands gripping onto the window sill. He quickly lifted himself into the room, moving aside to let all the other boys in. 

Klein gasped out and moved away from his desk, trying to get away from the 8 boys who were slowly crawling in. When Hongjoong stepped through, his harsh glare turned to everyone in the room before stopping at you. 

“Did you really have to lock the door?” Yeosang asked you, sighing in disappointment. 

“Get back!” Hendricks glared, quickly pulling out his gun from his holster. 

When the boys all heard the click of it, Yeosang was quick to put a hand out in front of you while the others moved to get closer to your side. You heard Klein gasp as Jongho and Seonghwa pushed him out of the way to reach you. He placed a hand on his chest, looking appalled at the boys. 

Hongjoong stood on the other side of the room though, quickly taking out his own pistol aiming it back at Hendricks. “Think you're the only one with a gun?” He asked with a tilt of his head. 

You sighed deeply before softly moving Yeosang’s arm down so you could move forward. With the boys all crowded at one side of the room, Hongjoong stood at one corner with Klein at the opposite. Hendricks was still by the chair he had stood from, gun aimed directly at Hongjoong. 

Your lips twitched and lips pursed. “This isn't a grudge match.” You glared. “Put your weapons down.” You added, looking between the two men. 

“Princess, you're testing my patience.” Hongjoong answered you, only giving you a side glance. 

“Put it down, Hongjoong.” You demanded again. 

Hongjoong clenched his jaw as his eyeskept going back and forth between you and Hendricks. The man was not lowering his gun which put him on edge. But the strong pointed look you gave him made him click his tongue. He slowly lowered his gun. 

“Not a smart move.” Hendricks mocked, flexing his arm as if he was about to shoot again. 

The boy all flinched, moving to duck but you were quick to pick something off Klein’s desk and swing it towards Hendrick’s hand. The glass of whiskey hit his wrist making him drop his gun in a grunt. 

Hongjoong quickly dove forward to take the weapon from him as everyone else looked around in astonishment. With him now disarmed, Yunho and Jongho both moved forward to restrain Hendricks.

“You shoot, everyone outside those doors come running in.” You calmly tell Hendricks, standing as if you hadn’t just thrown something at him. 

“You really think they'd believe some criminals over their sheriff.” He sneered, rubbing at his wrist where glass had cut just a bit. 

“They will with the proof of your involvement with Strickland.” You pulled out some envelopes from your pockets, dropping them onto Klein’s desk. The mayor raised his eyebrows, looking over the browning papers with curiosity. 

“Look familiar?” You continued. 

“What are those stupid papers going to do?” Hendricks shook his head. “Strickland is just a town that helps people.” He rolled his eyes. 

“Not with the evidence we have from Quaid's home.” Yeosang put in.

Hendricks glared at the boy, his lips turning up. 

“Mayor Klein.” Hongjoong stepped in, leaning over the desk to look at the mayor directly. “Why have you been raising taxes?” He asked. 

“To help the people—” The old man sputtered.

“Don't bullshit us.” Mingi threatened, coming to stand behind him. 

Klein began to tremble as he had to look up at the outlaw, mouth opening and closing as he tried to come up with an answer. “Quiad told me Strickland would send people down to help reform the city! Make it bigger than Aurora.” He shook his head. 

“It was a lie.” Seonghwa said. “They're making drugs to turn people into emotionless people.”

“No, that's not true.” Klein shook his head, looking at all of you bewildered. 

“It's in the papers.” You told the man, sliding the envelopes closer for him to read. 

The mayor didn’t waste time quickly opening the letters, reading over Quaid and Hendricks handwriting. His face slowly morphed from confusion to frustration as he read over more and more. He threw some down before going over other ones–all reading the same thing. 

“Don't listen to them!” Hendricks yelled. “They're outlaws! They took your money.” He grunted when Jongho pulled his hair back, shoving the man down to the floor and onto his knees. 

“And where have you been getting yours?” You sneered, turning around to face him. “Those boots look a bit too clean to me.” You said. 

“Quaid lied.” Klein spoke to himself. 

“They're feeding you lies.” Hendricks tried to defend himself again. 

“Hendricks!” Klein snapped. “It's all here! Everything!” The mayor growled. “Even yours. I can't—I can't continue this.” He throw all the papers onto the desk, slamming his hands onto the wood as he looked furious. 

“You traitor!” Hendricks growled.

He was quick in shoving Jongho and Yunho off his arms. The two boys grunted as the man’s elbows caught into their noses. Your eyes went wide as you saw the man lunge for you, moving your hands behind you to find something to use as defense. However before he could get to you, San was quick to rush forward and tackle Hendricks to the ground. 

The old man had no chance with how much larger San was. He seemed to know what he was doing because the moment he got Hendricks on the ground, his was swinging away at the man’s face. The boys took a few seconds before finally rushing forward to pull San off the man who was starting to bleed profusely. 

“San!” You cried out, rushing forward to help him.

You pulled his face to look at you, wiping away the smudges he had on his cheeks. You smiled softly, showing him that you appreciated his help. Turning back towards the old sheriff on the ground, rolling in pain, you crouched to get closer to him. 

“Your biggest downfall was thinking you could get away with it.” You told him. 

“Whore.” He spit in your face, you flinching a bit from the blood. 

Mingi and Wooyoung held San back again. You aggressively wiped at the spit, flinging it back into his eyes. “Rot in hell, Sheriff.” You whispered. 

“Guards! Seize him! He's a traitor to this city!” Klein called out, moving from behind his desk.

You got back up and gave Hednricks a small kick with your boot. Scoffing, you turned to look back up at the boys, a smile over taking your features as you took them all in. 

“Not gonna lie.” Seonghwa nodded. “I got a boner.”

Series Masterlist

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[unformula1]

all he’s ever wanted (LS2 x OP81)

logan and oscar go out for a walk! w/c: 820 loscar posts until we get a LOSCAR PODIUMMMM !!! (part 46) ||(series masterlist) a/n: guess who’s back! don’t wanna hear how this is 1 week late. this is probably a part 1. || masterlist

Logan pulls over a loose beige sweater, the sweater comfortably blanketing his body as he slightly adjusts his hair in the mirror. He gives himself an imaginary pat on the back while smiling. He hasn’t felt this good in a while.

The clock on his bedside table flashes the time. 

10.24 pm

It doesn’t matter to Logan that it’s this late. He puts on his running shoes while humming a vague tune of a song. His friend had told him late night walks could clear his mind if needed, which he didn’t really need now, but Logan thought it might be necessary anyway. The American turns off all the lights and steps out of his room. 

After he steps out, Logan shuts the door gently and turns around.

“SHIT!” He shouts, staggering and falling back onto the door before slapping his mouth, momentarily forgetting it was late at night.

“Hi.” Oscar says, swooping his hair to one side. Oscar’s oversized black t-shirt complemented his long white pants. It was the most basic fit ever, it was also the most Oscar fit ever.

“What are you-” Logan frowns slightly, trying to figure things out, “Huh?”

“I came to congratulate you!” Oscar smiles, taking a step closer to Logan. 

“On…?” Logan raises his eyebrow, regaining his balance and standing up straight to face Oscar.

“P11.” Oscar continues smiling.

“Uh… well,” Logan chuckles, “That’s still out of the points range…”

“But it’s a good improvement,” Oscar says, “I’m so happy for you!”

Oscar doesn’t let Logan finish processing the words before diving into a hug, wrapping his arms around Logan and tightly holding onto him.

Logan awkwardly stood in Oscar’s hug, squeezing his hands out from Oscar’s grip and patting his shoulder back.

“You got P4. That’s really great too!”

“Shut up, this is about you. Not me.” Oscar continues, his hands still tightly wrapped around Logan.

It takes Oscar a few more seconds before releasing the hug and taking a step back, but not before he pats Logan on the shoulder.

A small smile forms on Logan’s face. He hasn’t felt that in a while.

“Thank you.” Logan manages, trying not to sound so stupid in front of Oscar.

“So… what’s with the hoodie and running shoes?” Oscar inquires, his hands doing more talking than his mouth.

“I’m going for a walk.”

“Oooh! Can I come with?” Oscar almost starts jumping when Logan mentions the walk.

Logan nods, “Yea, sure!”

The duo walk toward the lift. Oscar keeps close proximity with Logan, also occasionally bumping into Logan. Logan isn’t used to such shows of love, so the first few seconds of it are awkward.

When they enter the lift, Logan admits, “This is gonna be the first happy one in a while.”

Oscar’s face almost drops. A weird sense of guilt overcomes him, like he hasn’t done enough for Logan.

Logan tucks his hands into his pockets and sighs but smiles after that.

Oscar pats his shoulder, “Glad I could join then. Hope it isn’t your last happy walk.”

Logan chuckles and leans onto Oscar as the lift reaches the first floor.

—

The cold breeze washes against the both of them and Oscar instantly regrets not wearing a long sleeved shirt. Logan lets the wind brush against his hair and he turns to Oscar, whose hair sways almost perfectly in the wind.

Oscar shifts closer to Logan and jokes, “Body heat!”

Logan feels a genuine laugh escape his mouth and the realisation dawns on him that he hasn’t had a good laugh in a while.

It hits him hard, but Oscar’s arm swinging over him and pulling both of them closer hits harder.

Both of them walk down the pavement as the cooling winds breeze against both of them. Logan envies how Oscar’s hair doesn’t get ruined by winds. 

He touches Oscar’s hair and ruffles it slightly to which Oscar slaps his hand away.

“My hair is sacred.” Oscar says.

Logan laughs again, it sounds more genuine than the previous.

Where have all his laughs been for the past few months?

A few minutes pass, and Oscar takes a deep breath.

“Sorry for being… uhm, absent for a bit.” Oscar says, his head bowed slightly.

Logan turns his attention from the sky to Oscar and lets out a soft chuckle.

“It’s fine.”

“No. It isn’t.” Oscar insists, “I haven’t been a good friend at all. I’ll do better… I’ll try at least.”

Logan smiles, warmth hugging him tightly. 

“Our friendship shouldn’t be one-sided. I’ll put in my end of the deal.” Oscar says, before bumping Logan’s shoulder with his fist.

Logan nods, returning the favour to Oscar.

“Please forgive me.” Oscar says, looking at Logan pleadingly.

It makes Logan giggle.

“Of course.” 

Oscar jumps and hugs Logan again.

Logan knows this is what he wants. He wants Oscar.

Logan hugs Oscar back.

He’s got Oscar back.

It’s all he’s ever wanted.

[pupuyvs]

46

(good thing its an au so three weeks can past quickly 🤭🤭)

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[skerban]

Cafe at Home…

𖤐 Mike Schmidt x reader

[masterlist]

Felt like writing for him… i need him.

Being a good friend of Mike Schmidt, you decide to make him breakfast and make him coffee just so he doesn’t have to feel stressed :( you’ve already taken care of everything else and Mike needs the day off before work!

You rarely visited Mike, all because of a schedule change in your job.

You used to work nights at a local cafe you worked for, considering the owner trusted you enough to keep the cafe open at night, yet you still managed.

But you finally were able to get the day off, and the messages you received from mike were… incredibly concerning.

The last message you got back from him was weeks ago. You didn’t want to pry but you just wanted to make sure he was at least alright and why he was not responding to you.

At this point, you’ve given up trying to contact him, instead aiming to go over to his house instead. You thought it seemed a bit childish, but you wanted to make sure he was taking care of himself.

You got up early, at five to be exact, because Mike’s house wasn’t…. necessarily near. You got dressed in something comfortable, a pair of baggy pants and a random shirt from your closet. You quickly put your shoes on, before grabbing your keys while putting on your coat, and making your way to the front door. You opened it and closed it behind you, locking it before you made your way to your car.

Finally getting in your car, you made sure that you didn’t forget anything. You had your keys, phone, and whatever else you needed.

Driving to his house made your heart race, not out of anxiety but… his reaction. Hell, you haven’t even spoken to him for weeks!

Before you even realized it, you were already at his house, you pulled into the driveway, noticing his car was untouched. The usual Mike, you thought.

You turned your car off and took the keys out of the engine. Taking a breath in and exhaling, you grabbed your stuff, finally exiting your vehicle.

Making your way to his front door wasn’t as bad as you thought. You remembered he had told you if you ever wanted to come over, he would leave a spare key under the door mat. You bent down and lifted the mat in front of you. You grabbed it and put it into his lock, turning it and pulling it out when it finally unlocked.

You kept the spare key on you, just in case someone saw you with it… you couldn’t afford someone breaking into Mike’s house…

When you entered the house, and closing the door behind you, you took your shoes off and out them next to the front door. You let out a sigh at how empty the place looked.

You had suggested to Mike to put some decorations and he made fake promises that he would, but you couldn’t get mad at him for not doing so.

When you made your way to the kitchen, you opened the fridge. You had to move back at the sight, your brows scrunching. There was barely anything, but you knew you could make well with it.

You opened the small pantry in the corner, looking for the ingredients to make what you personally liked, pancakes.

Taking your coat off and hanging it on of the seats near the dining table, you put your hair up, and took out all of the ingredients. Quickly washing your hands, and there they went to work.

You wanted to make sure you weren’t making too much of a commotion, not exactly wanting to wake up Abby or Mike.

You looked at the time on the oven, before realizing you had taken way longer than you thought. It was only 7:46. You knew Abby had to go to school soon, but you were positive Mike was still asleep. You made a small batch of pancakes, saving the rest of ingredients for Mike when he woke up.

While you put the a small bit of the batter onto the pan, you took a step back, and made your way to where Abby’s room was, at least where you think it was.

You made sure to be quiet when entering her room, before gently waking her up. You whispered out that you made her something to eat in the morning. You smiled as she got out of bed, as you quickly made your way to the kitchen.

You eventually finish only two pancakes, and they didn’t look too presentable, but they would still work, you think.

You ket Abby eat and you talked with her for a bit, before finally getting ready to take her to school. The school wasn’t far and you were sure Mike would still be sleeping when you go back.

You drove your car and gave small talk with Abby, asking her things like; How was she? How was Mike? If anything special happened.

You listened to her before you finally pulled up to the school. You gave her a small hug in the car, before she got out and waved out towards you. You smiled and waved back, waiting a minute or two before finally pulling out of the parking lot and driving back to Mike’s home.

Arriving back at his home, letting yourself in again, and making the pancakes again was a delight. You hadn’t baked or.. well made any sort of dessert for anyone or even for yourself in years. You’re a barista not a baker.

With time, you made the batter again, pouring some of the smooth batter onto the hot pan. You let out a small sigh before you looked towards the living room, somewhat expecting Mike to come out from the corner.

You’d never admit it, but, you truly care about Mike. You didn’t know if it was out of love or just as friends.. maybe even family. You felt something in you that only happened with him, yet you always brushed it aside.

You quickly shook your head before you turned your attention back at the pancakes. You continued to make more and more, the scent from the dessert spreading around the house.

As you were making the dessert, you heard small footsteps, making your heart pound against your chest.

“(reader)..?” The familiar low-pitched voice spoke out. You paused and looked over your shoulder, looking at the one and only Mike.

You smiled and closed your eyes, “Hey Mike.” You held in your laughter as his brows scrunched, clearly confused.

“You weren’t responding to my messages.. so i thought i’d give you a small visit.” You gave a nervous laugh before going back to the pancakes, the bowl that was once filled with batter, now empty.

He let out a small groan as he rubbed his eyes, “I..I know.. its just—“

“I know.” You interrupted him, turning the stove off and looking at the plate of… presentable pieces of desserts.

You grabbed a plate and put it onto the table, near the kitchen, and motioned for him to sit.

He looked guilty, but that was because he felt sorry for not responding to you, yet you only cared if he was alright.

“Serve yourself.” You smiled and sat in front of him, not bothering to get a piece to eat.

He looked at the plate of pancakes and back at you, his eyes practically judging you, or.. well you think.

“I know— I know. Im a barista… my pancakes aren’t going to look.. that well.” You rambled out, crossing your arms, and scoffing.

He quickly shook his head and let out a small laugh, “Not that. You aren’t going to eat?”

Your eyes widened slightly, looking at him, before your cheeks slightly flushed.

“I.. I ate before i got here and— don”t laugh at my pancakes—!” You hissed out, clearly embarrassed by the misconception you made.

He only chuckled before serving himself.

You only watched in silence before tapping your fingers against the smooth surface, letting your eyes glide to a different part of the room.

“Mike, is there a specific reason to why you stopped… talking to me?” Your voice quiet, almost inaudible, yet the man in front of you managed to hear it. He looked up from his plate, looking at you, before turning his gaze back to his half-empty plate.

You kept your eyes on him, wanting to know if you did something wrong.

He gave a sigh and brought one of his hands to rub the side of his head. “It.. it’s hard to explain, (reader).”

“Then help me understand.” You pleaded before you turned your gaze to your hands in your lap.

“I get it if you,” you paused before shaking your head, “i get it if you don’t want to talk with me anymore. But.. you could’ve atleast told me something.”

He let out a shaky sigh, “No..no that’s not it.” He rubbed his temples, trying to put words into his mouth to explain it properly to you.

You waited patiently, wanting him to give at least a small explanation.

“It’s just.. personal things and work.” His voice was quiet, “I didn’t want to… i didn’t want to put my problems with you.” He finally got out.

Oh, so he didn’t hate you.

You gave a relieved sigh before you looked him with stern eyes. “You know you can ask me for help anytime, whether its with work or.. just anything!” Your voice slightly rose yet you made sure to stay calm.

He only looked up at you before nodding. Your face fell as you looked at the guilt covering his face. You got up and put a hand onto his shoulder.

“You can have the whole morning off, and.. we can spend the day doing what we used to do, okay?” You smiled as he turned his head to look at you, his eyes going from your hand to you.

“But Abby—“

“She’s already at school, don’t worry.”

He let out a small breath before giving a small smile.

You two spent the whole morning binge watching movies and reenacting good ‘ol times. Yes, Abby was picked up and you took care of her while Mister Mike Schmidt went to work.

mike just needs a break :( and yes i know pancakes aren’t dessert but.. for the sake of this they are

reminder that requests are opened ^_^

[maple-seed]

Thrown - Chapter 46: Lokabrenna

Summary: Loki makes an escape with you.

Word Count: 1,482

Author's Notes: We are back. 6 chapters to go and I'm going to do my best to keep to the once-a-week schedule.

Thrown Masterlist Loki Masterlist

Bruce Banner was a perfectly tolerable person to be around, probably. Loki could recognize this in an objective sense. He was polite, deferential even. Quite intelligent. He had a decent sense of humor, in a quiet sort of way. Easily the most amiable Avenger to have in one's company. Loki also knew, logically, that Bruce Banner and the Hulk were two separate entities that merely shared a common point of origin, on occasion. Still, despite all of this, when Loki was in the presence of the mild-mannered scientist he could think of little else aside from the marble floor of Stark's penthouse, and the sound it made as Loki passed through it.

As Bruce had stepped off the quinjet Valkyrie greeted him with a grin and a punch to the arm. "Hey, big guy." He responded with a nervous smile while rubbing his arm. "Hey." Before he had a chance to recover, Thor had swung in with one of his exuberant hugs. "Banner! Welcome back to New Asgard!" "Yeah, thanks, good to be here." Banner met Loki next and extended a hand. "Hey Loki, are you... uh, how are you?" The man seemed to be uncertain even of the question he was asking. Loki shook his hand, pleased that it seemed the discomfort wasn't entirely his to bear. "I'm well, Dr. Banner. And you?"

Loki had been made aware that Banner had played a key role in the Asgardians' escape from Ragnarok, and then Thanos after that. This explained the warm welcome he had received from the citizens of New Asgard. It did not explain the strange closeness he shared with the Valkyrie. It was Loki's understanding that she had sold the Hulk into slavery on Sakaar, yet they seemed to be on very friendly terms. There must be more to that story, but Loki considered that he may not want to know. Then again, she had also sold Thor into slavery and now she was essentially his advisor and lieutenant. Perhaps she was simply very gifted in making amends.

Part of the agreement that allowed the Æsir to settle here on Earth involved certain aspects of trade. They would be given a place to make their home, and in return the Asgardians would share their knowledge and technology with carefully-chosen human parties. Additionally, in exchange for allowing New Asgard to be built here specifically, several benefits of Stark Industries were being extended to the mortal town. Banner was here to oversee progress and move forward with these trades.

Blessedly, this meant that Loki's presence was not needed, as most of Banner's interactions were with the Æsir engineers and human officials. And so it was not much of an issue that Loki had somewhere else to be, and he quietly excused himself and slipped away from the clamor.

You had suggested another hike to spend the night on the mountain and Loki jumped at the opportunity. He hadn't told you of the dream he had when he was away at the compound, but the images from it had lingered in his mind. It was something he longed to recapture. You had invited Thor, but he declined, citing all the work that needed to be done. Loki had never been so grateful to his brother.

As he approached your cabin you were on the porch, laying out supplies that you would likely be asking Loki to transport. You straightened and smiled. "What took you so long?" "I beg your pardon." He leaned in to plant a quick kiss. "We received Bruce Banner along with a number of his apprentices today. I had to perform certain duties before I could diplomatically extricate myself." Your eyes lit up. "Bruce Banner? Bruce Banner is here?" Loki raised a brow. "Yes. He's here to learn of our technology and to grant us some of his." "Why didn't you tell me?" You turned your head toward New Asgard, peering down the road, as if you could see him from here. "Why is it of such keen interest?" "It's Bruce Banner! A world-renown scientist! The Hulk!" You eyes were still fixed down the road. Loki frowned. "Need I remind you that you dine with gods on a regular basis?" You waved dismissively. "Exactly, you're old news." He narrowed his eyes. "You shouldn't test me today, little bird. Soon we will be isolated on a mountaintop, alone in the darkness, far from help." He pulled you in close. "I'll have you completely at my mercy." You bit your lip and grinned with a new excitement in your eyes. "You promise?" He chuckled, his nose grazing yours. "I would say I should teach you a lesson but something tells me you would be too willing a student."

You laughed as he released you, then turned back to the provisions you were organizing. "How long is Banner here?" "A few days, at least." "Great, we can have him for dinner tomorrow." He sighed. "Must we?" You smirked. "Aw, are you still sore from that time he beat you up?" You offered him a mocking pout. "Show me where it hurts." Loki sulked. "My pride, mostly." "Well, that's ideal. You've got plenty of that to spare." You straightened and swung a pack over your shoulder. "No reason why we can't be social." Loki folded his arms and leaned against the post of your porch. "Perhaps I simply prefer not to?" "Oh, don't worry." The mocking tone had returned to your voice. "It's just a little dinner. I promise I won't let the big scary monster get you." Loki glared. "One day, you will reach the edge of my patience." You grinned. "Not today? I'll keep looking for it." You gave him a conciliatory peck on the cheek. "Now magic up these supplies so we can hit the trail." "Your mortal frailty is the only reason I tolerate this treatment." Loki begrudgingly waved a hand and vanished the items, then followed you down the road to the trailhead.

The climb felt different this time. It felt almost clandestine with just the two of you. As if Loki was sneaking away from all of his troubles. Like you were leading him to a paradise where they didn't exist. The hike was easy, with light spirits and laughter.

You grew quiet as you reached the end, and stopped altogether before stepping out onto the terrace. You stood for a moment, looking out onto the outcrop, and it occurred to Loki that this would almost certainly be your first time here without Ash. He reached down and to your hand in his. After a moment you sighed, squeezed his hand, and managed a slight smile as you looked up at him. "Come on, let's go make camp."

After a brief stop to admire the view, the both of you set to work. You pitched the tent, Loki gathered firewood, though not nearly as much would be needed this time. Spring was waning and the nights were growing warmer. Dinner was cooked and shared, and afterward Loki found himself seated on the ground, his back against a boulder near the fire. You were stretched in front of him, with your back to his chest, your head resting back against him. His arms wrapped around you and in turn your arms held his. The two of you gazed out over the landscape, which was bathed in gold and shadow as the sun began its descent. A few quiet words were shared but it seemed agreed upon that this moment was meant to simply be absorbed.

Sequestered away here with you, this was exactly the peace Loki had craved. He wanted to tell you about his dream. He wanted you to know that for him the majesty of this place was intrinsically tied to you, so much so that when he was longing for you this is where his mind brought him in his sleep. It felt like something you should know.

Before he could find where to start, you raised a hand toward the horizon. "Hey look, your star is out." The sun had begun its retreat in earnest, and the first stars were making their appearances. Just above the horizon was the one you were pointing out. "Our star." He corrected. You turned your face toward him, a brow raised. "Our star?" He nodded. "You told me it was named 'Lokabrenna', correct? My burning?" You looked back to the horizon, as if the star could explain. "Yes, that's right." "Then it is our star." He assured, leaning forward to graze his lips against the shell of your ear. "For I burn for you." You turned to him again with a wild affection in your eyes, which he could only appreciate for a moment before you pulled him to you and kissed him with a fervor that was unexpected but immediately reciprocated.

Loki felt the rise of familiar flames.

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[magicshopaholic]

Moving On (Namjoon x OC)

Summary: BTS performs in Amsterdam and Namjoon invites you to the afterparty.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

Genre: Angst, smut

Word count: 8.2K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: language, angst, sex, nudity, making out, fingering, cumming, arguing,

A/N: Takes place a little over a month after Final Destination.

Tagging: @bbl32, @quarter-life-crisis2,  @margopinkerton, @faearchives,  @whoisbts, @purpleseoul7, @sumzysworld, @kflixnet (if you want to be added to the taglist, lmk)

Listen to: "where does the good go" by tegan and sara

namjoon masterlist | main masterlist

Joon [13:45] Did you get the email from Big Hit?

Kaya [13:50] Yes

Joon [13:51] The number at the end is their London office. They’ve been briefed already and have additional security available for all European locations.

Kaya [13:54] Okay

There’s a break in the chat here. Kaya stares at the time stamp, trying to picture him scrambling to find something else to say.

Joon [14:15] The company managed to track down the account that uploaded the video. Account has been taken down and they’ve sued for invasion of privacy.

Kaya [14:20] Okay 

Joon [14:22] They’ve also offered to add damages to the suit, in case we want that. Do you?

Kaya [14:25] Not really

Joon [14:26] Okay then

Another break. Kaya scans the time stamps again, even though she’s memorised it by now. She remembers the three dots indicating him typing, seeing them appear and disappear over and over again. 

Joon [14:40] How are you?

Kaya [14:45] Fine

Joon [14:46] How‘s work?

Kaya [14:48] Fine

Joon [14:50] Kaya I’m trying

Kaya [14:51] Class starting, got to go

He hadn’t responded and she hadn’t expected him to. Four days post break-up hadn’t been nearly long enough for her to let go of her anger but now, four weeks in, it’s only been replaced with an equal amount of sadness and longing.

Every conversation has been exactly this terse and abrupt, the last one being a week ago. It had appeared when she’d been teaching an elective class and it had taken every ounce of her will to not check it until the class ended. As it turned out, she couldn’t even think of a decent response to it.

“How can he possibly think of asking me this?” Kaya mutters, earphones in as she walks home. It’s dusk, a gorgeous time of the day, but she holds no appreciation for it right now.

“Wouldn’t it be worse if he didn’t ask?” Dilara asks reasonably. She’s in her car by the sound of it, a low hum audible of whichever fancy car of hers she’s decided to take out today.

Kaya swallows, pondering this. It might be, but it doesn’t address the problem she’s too embarrassed to voice out loud: it should be harder for him to ask. The thought that he might not be taking this break-up as hard as she is kills something inside of her, as if she’d misunderstood everything in the last three years. 

Her strategy to save herself from hearing the truth had been to distance herself from everyone, including Yoongi, who had texted her out of the blue one day to ask her if she was okay (she hadn’t responded); Seokjin, who seemed to skirt the topic altogether and sounded as though he was speaking to someone very sick; and especially Dilara, who Kaya knew would be the only one with the capacity to ask insightful questions that she herself was too afraid to.

“It’s just… strange,” is all she can manage. “He hopped on a flight, shot a few emails, came over and broke up with me and then went right back to his schedule, all in one day. And now he's inviting me to a party?"

“After-party, so it won’t be, like… crazy,” Dilara clarifies. “And the concert before it.” 

“I’m definitely not going to his concert.”

“Of course not,” she agrees breezily. “I wouldn’t expect you to. But the party… I mean, it’s a good thing, isn’t it? He doesn’t want you to be strangers.”

Kaya slows down as she approaches the river. She’s taken the long route home today - anything to prolong the commute before another night in her tainted apartment with memories on every surface.

“I don’t know if I want to see him.” I don’t know if I can. “He wants to see me, though, apparently,” she states after a moment.

Dilara doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. “I mean -“ She begins before pausing, then trying again. “I’m sure it’s going to be torture for him to see you. But even that’s better than not seeing you.”

Kaya doesn’t even realise she’d been holding her breath; she exhales as slowly as possible so as to not make a sound, both at Dilara’s words as well as her answering the unasked question.

She doesn’t respond immediately, though. Now that they’re down this route of addressing concerns she’s been harbouring in her heart for weeks, Kaya feels the rest of them on the verge of tumbling out of her mouth.

"You've seen him a bit these last couple of months,” she ventures, lowering her voice and leaning backwards against the railing overlooking the river. “Does it seem like he misses me at all?"

Dilara hums, a little too knowingly for Kaya’s liking. “Of course, he does. He’s not the most expressive when it comes to his feelings but aside from Tae last year, I don't think I've met a more miserable person."

Kaya waits for the swell of happiness or relief at this news, but all it brings with it is a new wave of anger and frustration.

“Thanks.”

"Look, speaking from experience, it's not easy seeing your ex after a difficult break-up,” says Dilara, sighing. “But sometimes you don't realise just how much you needed to see them until you see them, even if it's just to gain some closure."

Closure. It sounds… final. Kaya can’t picture it, being virtual strangers eventually, just bits of each other’s past. Ex-boyfriend, girl of his dreams, the one that got away. She hates all those words because they just don’t apply, not really. They can’t.

She closes her eyes and presses the heel of her palms into them to intercept the wetness forming, not caring that Dilara is still on the other end of the line. She and Namjoon had stood right here, years ago, living in the bliss of a new couple in fresh love. He’d brought her a bunch of tiny yellow flowers from the park, part-cheesy and part-genuine, eyes twinkling and dimples soft.

Kaya squeezes her eyes shut at the memory, terrified at how the edges of it are already blurring. 

“I don’t think I’ll go,” she murmurs, opening her eyes to stare at the ground. “I can’t.” 

“Are you sure?” Dilara sounds slightly surprised.

“Yeah. Two days from now is… it’s too soon. I’ll either cry or yell or… I don’t know. It’s too hard.”

“Oh.” She’s quiet for a few seconds. “Okay. If you’re sure. Let me know if you want to get together on Sunday,” she adds. “Brunch or something.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

—

The next day, Kaya is in the library again, grading papers and wishing she could go back to being a grad student who’s biggest problem was a pop quiz. She’s deliberately chosen a table at the back, away from where the students generally sit, which is why she looks up in surprise when someone comes to her table.

“H-hi, Kaya.” The student waves rests one hand on the back of an empty hair and waves hesitantly with the other.

“Um… hi.” Kaya tries not to frown too conspicuously, for she’s sure she knows this girl. 

Svetlana. Savannah. 

“Elena, right?”

“Yeah,” she answers with a nervous smile. “Um… are you busy?”

Kaya glances at the stacks of papers, books and laptop on the table. “Kind of, yeah.”

“Okay. Well… I just wanted to say hi.”

Kaya nods awkwardly and forces a small smile on her face. “Hi.”

Elena nods, tucking her hair behind her ears. She looks like she’s about to leave but at the last moment, sits down at the table. Kaya feels her smile fade for she really, really wants to be alone right now.

“How - how are things going?” She sounds nervous - extremely so. She seems to be fidgeting slightly and constantly touching her hair. 

“Great,” says Kaya shortly, going back to her paper and hoping she’ll take the hint. “You?”

“Not bad, overall. I guess. Classes are hard and mid-terms are coming up as well…” Elena trails off. “Any plans for the weekend?”

Trying not to sigh, Kaya shakes her head. “Not really. You?”

“Well… I’m going to a concert tomorrow,” she answers hurriedly, and it’s clear that she’s been waiting to divulge this information, oblivious to how Kaya’s heart stops. “It should be fun. Do - do you listen to BTS?”

An unexpected notification from this morning floats into her kind. BTS continues their Europe leg by arriving in Amsterdam, ready to kick off the summer in style!

“No,” she answers truthfully.

“Oh.” Elena is quiet for a moment. “They’re really… good.” 

There’s some awkward silence during which Kaya deliberately writes comments on the paper she’s grading, scratching the pen on the paper and wishing Elena would leave.

“It’ll be good to get out of campus. The people here are kind of intimidating. The parties are pretty wild, too,” she murmurs after a moment, sounding uncomfortable.

Kaya nods absently, uncharacteristically satisfied with the knowledge that she might be intimidating this unwanted guest. “Maybe you’re going to the wrong parties,” she offers.

Elena lets out a nervous laugh again. “Maybe. I never see you at them, though. There’s one, tonight, in the common room. Maybe you could come,” she suggests lightly. “Bring a friend or - or your boyfriend.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she answers flatly, not looking up.

“You - oh.” There’s a note of surprise in her voice. “Oh,” she repeats, this time seemingly to herself. “Are you sure?” she blurts out.

Kaya’s eyes snap up to glare at her. “Pretty sure.”

Elena’s eyes widen. “Oh, of - of course,” she stutters. “Sorry, that - that was a stupid question. Sorry.” She swallows and looks at her lap.

Kaya closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, immediately feeling guilty for snapping at an innocent bystander in this situation. “Elena, I… I really need to get these papers done,” she tells her, her voice one of forced calm. “So…”

The blonde finally seems to understand and awkwardly stands up. “Okay. Um, see you around,” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear again. 

Kaya nods as she leaves, Namjoon’s invitation swimming in her mind tantalisingly. She can’t ignore it anymore, the fact that they’re in the same city, her city. If she’s not wrong, he’ll do the concert tomorrow night, the group will probably stay the night and depart by Sunday afternoon or evening and she will probably never see him again.

She attempts to continue grading the paper she was working on when Elena interrupted, but when she finds herself reading the same stupid sentence for the fourth time without retaining anything, she begins packing up, ready to head home.

—

Joon [18:42] Hope to see you there tonight

Kaya, with a loss as to how to respond to this, simply did not. She can’t imagine he would be texting her during his concert, but she also knows he has before, if the situation was urgent enough to demand it. 

She straightens the black dress against her hips and tilts her head at her reflection. It’s a simple dress, plain black, form-fitting and reaching below her knees, but it’s quite possibly the most gorgeous, sexiest dress she owns. 

If she and Namjoon were together, she would have worn it tonight with no hesitation because it would have driven him insane. After weeks of being apart, seeing her in this dress would have rendered him incapable of staying in work mode without dirty texts, flirty touches and eyes from across the room undressing her. Even now, with a bare face, her hair tied into a loose bun and no footwear, the dress is a game-changer.

She gives herself a few moments to imagine this paradise, one that might have come true tonight had she never told him about the break-in. Then, she silently unzips the dress and climbs out of the black fabric pooled around her feet. Tucking it back into her closet, she looks for something else.

Dilara [18:50] In case you change your mind, sharing the location here [Location]

Dilara’s text had come minutes after Namjoon’s, and Kaya has to imagine it was a genuine coincidence. Although she’d replied to neither, it was the second text that caused her to change her mind - that, and the lingering fear that if she didn’t go today, she didn’t know how either of them would be able to maneuver a situation to see each other again.

The concert should end in a little over an hour. Her phone pings again and she groans, for she doesn’t think she can take any more of their unsubtle attempts at convincing her to go tonight. It’s not Namjoon or Dilara, though, but Adam Fischer, her thirty-something thesis advisor, asking if she wants to discuss the coming week’s class schedule tonight.

Kaya shakes her head as she types out a reply (Sorry, I can’t tonight. Will set up a meeting for first thing Monday if that’s okay?), a little rueful. Namjoon heavily disliked Adam, despite having no concrete reason for doing so. He’d always suspected Adam of having feelings for her, even though Adam hadn’t said or done anything to make her think he might. Part of her wonders if she could somehow ditch the party for this meeting and still make sure that the news travelled to Namjoon through the grapevine (Dilara), and if that would still piss him off even now.

She immediately cringes at the pettiness of it, however, sending her reply to Adam and heading into the shower.

The party is at the rooftop restaurant of the hotel next to the concert venue, and presumably where BTS is staying while in Amsterdam. It isn’t as crowded as she was anticipating, although the music is fairly loud. It looks more like a fancy houseparty, and even a few seconds in, Kaya can spot a handful of vaguely famous people in attendance. She looks around for a familiar face, preferably Dilara or Yoongi or one of the younger boys, wishing she’d called ahead and trying not to think about the fact that in spite of not RSVP-ing, her name was on the guest list.

She takes another hesitant step in and audibly sighs when she spots Taehyung, who, for reasons best known to himself, has accessorised his outfit with an ascot. He seems to be in an animated conversation with Jungkook, while standing in between them and facing ahead, with loose curls tumbling down her shoulders and looking slightly bored, is…

“Kaya!”

Dilara’s mouth forms her name over the music as she brushes past her boyfriend and his friend and hurries towards Kaya, looking both happy and relieved to see her. “You look hot!” she exclaims when she reaches her.

“Oh -” Kaya looks down self-consciously; she’d settled for a straight strapless top and jeans, unable to justify dressing sexier without seeming like she was trying too hard for her ex-boyfriend. “Thanks. And you look…” She frowns slightly at Dilara’s mini-dress and go-go boots, with a slightly out-of-place gold ring hanging around her neck. “... like Daphne Blake.”

Dilara’s face visibly falls. “I look like a cartoon character?” she asks, wrinkling her nose.

“Well, a very pretty cartoon character,” she adds quickly. “Especially with the headband. But… why?”

She rolls her eyes. “Taehyung picked it - but I’m sure it’s not because of Daphne Blake.” Spotting Kaya’s confused expression, she shrugs sheepishly. “We got into an argument yesterday about who has better taste, so we decided to go shopping at The Nine Streets and pick each other’s outfits for tonight.”

Kaya raises her eyebrows, something seemingly clicking into place. “So the ascot is your doing?”

“M-hm.” She nods in satisfaction before her eyes widen. “Oh, hey! An ascot - like Fred!” She lets out a low whistle at this realisation and laughs, while Kaya nods knowingly, feeling the urge to smile for the first time in what feels like weeks. “Not planned but zero regrets. I wonder if Tae knows that - oh.”

Kaya cuts her off mid-sentence with a hug, suddenly immensely grateful for Dilara. She can’t remember the last time she’d let anyone into her life this much with the exception of Namjoon; but just maybe, when she’d been happy with him and her guard had been lowered, Dilara had slipped in without warning as well.

She tightens her arms around Kaya and rubs her back. “It’s good to see you, too,” she says, sounding part-surprised and part-delighted. “It’s been a while but I promise that we will still - oh, hey.” The change in tone is abrupt. “Incoming.”

By the way her voice immediately lowers, Kaya is sure she knows what Dilara is referring to. Her heart beating a mile a minute, she pulls away from the hug and turns as casually as she can.

Her first thought is that he looks thinner - visibly so. Well, he’s on tour, says a voice in her head but Kaya suspects that’s not the only reason, for he’d been on tour when he’d broken up with her as well.

His hair is a silvery blond, looking almost metallic; dressed simply in a black T-shirt and  jeans, he runs a hand through his hair so it falls gracefully around his face as he approaches her, his face unreadable.

“Hi,” he says, and it sounds like all the breath has been let out of him with just one word. He swallows and straightens his shoulders, a small smile appearing on his face, the dimple faintly visible. “It’s good to see you, Kaya.”

Kaya nods, unable to speak and overcome with a sudden urge to cry. “You, too,” she murmurs, glancing at the floor and blinking rapidly before looking back up at him, a bit defiantly.

“I’m glad you decided to come.”

She nods again, her chest twisting at how normal he sounds. He’s standing far away from her as well, as though to make it clear in every way possible that they’re not together. 

“Hope you had a good concert,” she ventures, recalling the grad student who’d accosted her yesterday, practically beside herself at attending a BTS concert. “Backstage must have been hectic.”

A flicker of something appears in his eyes for a moment, possibly with memories of backstage. Wishes of luck, last minute hugs, sweaty and passionate kisses fueled by adrenaline. But it disappears instantly and Kaya wonders if she imagined it.

“It was,” he answers, nodding. He slides his hands into his pockets smoothly, leaning back on his heels and his smile widening a little. “But worth it as always. The crew did well.”

Kaya doesn’t even bother nodding this time; all of a sudden, she regrets coming here tonight. Dilara has left, she just realises, and Namjoon is acting like they’re acquaintances at best, making her feel stupid and yet immensely grateful that she didn’t wear the sexy black dress.

At that moment, his eyes flicker to something behind her. “I’m sorry, I just need to go and say hi to a couple of people. But enjoy your night. It’s an open bar,” he adds, smiling and nodding politely before brushing past her and walking away.

Kaya doesn’t move; she doesn’t think she can. Something heavy feels like it’s settled on her chest, the weight of confusion, disbelief and crushing disappointment threatening to suffocate her. She has no idea what she’d been expecting; maybe arguing, fighting, crying together again - but not him not caring. Not this.

Namjoon continues walking in the opposite direction for as long as he can keep Kaya in his peripheral vision, both guilty and relieved when she doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t think he can look her in the eye if she does, witness the pain and hurt in her face that close.

He catches Seokjin’s eye and hurries over to him. Seokjin raises his eyebrows and seems to guess what might have transpired, ushering him over to the other end of the circular bar and out of Kaya’s line of sight.

“How did it go?”

Namjoon rests his palms on the bar and shakes his head, no words coming to him at the moment and feeling like he could throw up. He can’t fathom how he did it, how he stood there before her and didn’t immediately pull her to him, or break down and ask her to forgive him for doing the only thing he knew to do.

“Drink this.” Seokjin slides a glass to him and Namjoon takes it without hesitation, taking a huge gulp and waiting for it to sting his sinuses. 

“This is water,” he states hoarsely, frowning at the glass.

“Cold water,” corrects Seokjin. “It’ll help clear your head.”

Namjoon takes another sip and places the glass down, dropping his head into his hands. “I can’t do this. How do I tell her I can’t do this? How do I ask her to -“ But he breaks off here, his mind swimming with the sight of her bare shoulders and exposed collarbones, imagining how they would feel if he held her.

“Okay.” Seokjin exhales through his nose and pauses. “Look, I have to ask. You’ve seen the state she is in. And you’re…” He struggles for a moment “...like this. Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to ask her to get back -“

“No.” The answer is instant, although it’s partly a habit by now. As he does every time his mind tries to convince him otherwise, Namjoon forces the memory of her phone call to the forefront of his mind, the fear in her voice and  devastation on her face when he’d entered her apartment.

“But maybe this is -“

“No.” 

Seokjin is silent and Namjoon can tell that he doesn’t approve. Please don’t ask me again, hyung. He doesn’t know if he did the right thing by inviting her but he couldn’t imagine not doing it either, not being right here in her city, knowing she was so close that he could almost smell the coconut and vanilla in the air and still not see her in the flesh.

“If you’re sure,” says Seokjin at last. “If you are, then I guess you did well. Just… just be normal around her. Keep a normal distance, talk about normal things and…” He half-shrugs, sounding uncertain. “She’s smart. She’ll understand. If you’re sure you want to do this, then… she’ll get it.”

Normal. Namjoon knows what he means, but he wants to tell him that none of this is normal. Not touching her, not being honest with her, not being with her - none of it is normal. 

“She’s talking to Yoongi right now,” he adds, and Namjoon turns to see them near the stairs to the top floor. Kaya’s back is to him, her head lowered slightly and her thumbs hooked onto the back pockets of her jeans, the material hugging her hips and curving down her backside… He swallows and looks away.

“This is your chance,” says Seokjin. “Go and mingle. Let her see you moving on - even if you actually aren’t,” he clarifies quickly. “It won’t be pleasant but it might encourage her to do the same.”

Namjoon isn’t sure of the wisdom of this strategy but ever since the cause of his break-up had been revealed to the older members (and surely to Taehyung at least, by Dilara), he’d almost been relieved that he wouldn’t have to make every decision on his own.

He tries his best to navigate the party after that, making empty conversation with guests, using every bit of remaining energy and willpower to plaster a smile on his face. All the while, part of his attention is constantly on Kaya, registering her familiar figure alone at the bar as she nurses a beer, sometimes with Dilara. 

Be normal. Seokjin’s words start holding less and less meaning with every passing minute, especially when he spots Kaya having finished her drink and he’s struck with the sudden fear that she will leave the party. In an effort to be as normal as he can, Namjoon heads over to the bar where she’s scanning the life-size menu half-heartedly, arms folded across her chest.

“Like anything?” he asks humbly. Long Island Iced Tea or a Mai Tai - depends on the flavours. His heart jolts when she shoots him a doubtful look and doesn’t answer, almost as if she’s wary of talking to him. She leans over the bar and gives the bartender a smile that makes his heart drop, especially when he grins back.

“Komt de mai tai in mango?” she asks, half-pouting when he shakes his head. “Een biertje, alsjeblieft,” she says finally, taking her second beer and turning away from the bar.

Namjoon doesn’t remember ever feeling this distant from her. “I’m glad you came tonight,” he tries again, choosing to look at her even though she’s facing away.

Kaya nods, pursing her lips and looking ahead. “Yeah, you said that already.” But her voice trembles ever so slightly, or maybe he just knows her so well that he’s sure it’s not a case of her not wanting to look at him - she can’t look at him.

It’s all on him now. He started this; if there is any hope of them still staying in each other’s lives, it’s down to him to make it happen. 

“How’s your dissertation going?” he asks, hoping her work is a topic she might open up on.

She shrugs after a moment. “Off schedule,” she answers shortly. “A lot of variables hanging in the air.”

“Did you get into the research project you’d applied for?”

It’s momentary but it appears: the corner of her mouth tilts upwards. “Yeah,” she admits, finally looking at him, albeit hesitantly. “Guess I’ll have a lot more time to focus on it now,” she murmurs, the hint of a smile fading.

Namjoon’s heart sinks. She’s so angry with him; it’s palpable and not something he has ever been on the receiving end of. Her hand hangs by her side; his own itches to link his fingers with his, maybe tug her to him or lead her out of this stupid party where he can plead for her to just look at him.

“Well,” he says, then pauses. “I’m glad you could get the time off tonight. Must have been hard.”

“M-hm, not really.” She shakes her head. “Adam wanted to meet but I’ll probably catch up with him later,” she adds nonchalantly.

Namjoon nods, his hand tightening around his glass. He can’t tell if she’s trying to provoke him, for they do work closely; close enough that Adam’s intentions have always been a point of disagreement for them. He’d never been able to explain to her just how much he hated the way her advisor looked at her when she didn’t notice, how his hugs always lingered a moment too long or how he insisted on calling her late in the evenings to discuss work.

He’s distracted momentarily by Jungkook, who approaches them while bopping effortlessly to the music and stops in between them, turning to face in the same direction as Namjoon and Kaya. He’s definitely tipsy; the smile on his face is too big and he doesn’t seem to be reading the room at all.

“Dilara is a really good dancer, isn’t she?” he says loudly in English to no one in particular. Namjoon frowns and follows his gaze to see Dilara, Taehyung and Hoseok dancing, before turning back to look at Jungkook. On his other side, Kaya is also frowning at him, tilting her head curiously. Their eyes meet and she raises her eyebrows slightly.

Namjoon fights a smile as Kaya half-chuckles and looks away, his heart twisting with longing at how much he misses her. She looks so incredibly beautiful; his eyes sting when he realises that there’s absolutely nothing he can do about it.

“I’m gonna -“ He gestures vaguely and walks away in the opposite direction, desperate to be anywhere but around her before his resolve breaks.

The next half hour is a flurry of faces; Namjoon distracts himself with every single individual at the party, making small talk and exchanging unfunny jokes and hyper aware of Kaya occasionally glancing at him.

He knows, because he’s watching her, too, doing his best to make sure she doesn’t see him looking. He can’t even help it; it’s almost muscle memory at this point.

“Who are you looking at?” The woman he’s talking to asks him point-blank.

Namjoon flushes, realising he’d been staring at Kaya over her shoulder while she’d been speaking.

“No one,” he answers quickly. “Sorry.”

The twenty-something woman frowns curiously. “Are you sure? I’m not offended.”

“It’s… nothing.” He shakes his head and looks at the floor. 

“Ex-girlfriend?”

Ex. Not trusting himself to speak, Namjoon nods. 

“Hm.” She hums, somewhat sympathetically. “Bad break-up?”

“Pretty bad.”

“I’m sorry,” she says after a moment. “It’s never easy to be around an ex if it hasn’t ended well.”

“Yeah, well,” he says, desperate to change the topic. “All part of the process, right?”

“Right,” she says encouragingly. “Plus, once you’re past this phase, the one where you constantly want to die, you can begin the drink and eat and hook up as much as you want stage with no judgement.”

He chuckles politely, the prospect sounding horrendous. “Thanks. Feels good to laugh for real.”

She smiles wider and, before he knows it, leans forward and presses a kiss against his lips.

It takes Namjoon a couple of seconds of pure shock before he jumps backwards. “Whoa. What -“ His heart races uncomfortably. “What was that?”

“Sorry,” she says slowly, looking a little confused. “I thought… you wanted to make your ex jealous. Isn’t that where you were going with this?”

“No,” he clarifies immediately. “No. Absolutely not. I don’t want to - no.” In the midst of his minor crisis, he notes how the woman looks almost mortified.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to -”

“It’s fine,” he cuts her off, suddenly feeling horribly guilty. He looks up out of habit and sees, unmistakably, Kaya leaving the restaurant, her long dark hair and the shimmery dark blue of her top disappearing out the door.

—

The night has gotten chillier in the last couple of hours and the cool wind hits her bare shoulders the moment she steps out, but Kaya barely feels it. She’s not thinking right now; thinking is what’s got them here, thinking about everything and overthinking to the point of fleeing a restaurant.

“Kaya!” 

Her feet increase their pace automatically the same time her stomach flips, but he’s taller and faster and he reaches her before she can even reach the elevator.

“Kaya,” he repeats hurriedly, reaching and grabbing her elbow. “Wait, please. I’m sorry -”

“Why did you even invite me here?” she asks, cutting him off and turning around to face him. She’s so tired; she didn’t think break-ups could be this exhausting. “You’ve barely said anything to me. Was it to show me in person how you’re moving on? Because if that’s the case, then… message received.”

Namjoon shakes his head immediately; he looks exhausted as well, and Kaya is once again struck by how much thinner he is, overcome with a mixture of empathy and frustration at him. 

“That was not - I didn’t plan that,” he says, sighing. “I don’t even know who she is. She kissed me and it wasn’t… come on, does it look like I’m moving on?” he asks, raising his arms helplessly.

Kaya stares at him and then sighs, shaking her head. “Why did you invite me here?” she asks again, less defensive this time.

“Because I wanted to see you,” he says at once.

She stares at him. “Well, you’ve seen me,” she says, sniffing. “Can I go now?”

“Kaya…”

“What?”

Namjoon runs a hand through his hair, looking lost for words. “Please don’t -“ He breaks off abruptly before taking a step closer to her, his height both large and comforting. “I don’t want you to be sad. I’m sorry.”

Too late. “You’re not supposed to care how I feel. Not anymore.”

He lets out a humourless chuckle. “What?”

“We’re over.” She can hear the tremble in her voice as she crosses her arms across her chest again. “You said it yourself. You’re not supposed to care how I feel.”

“Really?” He narrows his eyes at her. “You think this break-up had anything to do with how I feel about you? You know as I do that it didn’t.” When she doesn’t answer, he sighs. “I did this because I care.”

“If you say so.”

He pokes his tongue into his cheek. “Are you deliberately trying to provoke me or something?”

“Provoke you into what?” she blurts out. “What - what is that you want, exactly? What do you want us to do? Just circle around in each other’s orbits for the rest of our lives, while still being - while still feeling the way we do?” she asks, avoiding her almost-slip of tongue. “We’re just supposed to stay not be together and still stay in each other’s lives? What - what do you want?”

Namjoon opens his mouth but falls silent; it’s clear he hasn’t thought that far ahead - or he can’t say it out loud. “I want…” He begins, before pausing and starting again. “I want… you to be happy,” he says eventually. “And safe.” 

She scoffs and he bristles. 

“I’m serious. I -” He breaks off when someone exits the restaurant, his gaze following them until they’re out of sight before he turns back to her. “This is hard for me, too, you know? Why is it so hard for you to believe I might want you to be happy?”

Kaya exhales but doesn’t answer, because it isn’t hard to believe, not even a little bit. It’s unfortunately the most believable thing he’s ever said to her which means she can’t even fight it.

“How?” she asks finally. “By moving on, like you were pretending to do?”

Namjoon bites his lip and his eyes glaze over, and she knows he’s picturing it. His eyes fall to the floor but he nods slowly anyway. “Yeah, I guess. As long as I don’t have to watch it,” he adds in a mutter.

It’s really over. Kaya feels her eyes well up. “Fine,” she answers quietly. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go find someone to move on with tonight.” She turns to leave but feels him stop her again. “What?” she snarls.

“Kaya, I -” The lift opens and a handful of people tumble out, holding merchandise and talking loudly. Namjoon’s eyes widen and he immediately grabs her arms and walks her back into a corner, just as the group turns into their corridor and towards the restaurant.

“What are you -”

But the second lift opens just then and they hear the sound of a second group of voices. Namjoon swears under his breath and pushes open a door behind her, walking her back further into the tiny dark room and letting the door swing shut behind him.

“What is wrong with -“

“It’s press,” he hisses, and she falls silent.

He peers out into the corridor through the small window in the door; there’s no light except for the bit through the window and from a skylight in the ceiling. Kaya can smell something vaguely citric that she decides is floor cleaner; they are in a janitor’s closet.

She and Namjoon are frozen in place, his hands still on her arms and hers on his torso to keep from losing her balance. It’s been a long time since they’ve been this close; it takes Kaya a few seconds to realise that the voices outside have disappeared, but he still hasn’t moved away.

Almost as if he’s subconsciously heard her, his thumbs stroke her arm once. The simple touch makes all the anger crumble away for a moment, especially now that it’s just them with the rest of the world shut outside. Kaya hesitates for a moment, then gently rests her forehead on his shoulder. Namjoon stiffens but a moment later, she feels his fingers tighten above her elbows, followed by him loosely enveloping her in his arms.

It seems cruel, almost, that the target of her anger and source of her comfort lie in the same person. It isn’t even a hug; it’s a moment of weakness at best, borne from his almost subconscious need to protect her. For the first time, Kaya wonders if she’s being unfair to him.

Resisting the temptation to wrap her arms around his waist, she steps away from him with difficulty, her back touching the wall. His arms fall from around her reluctantly, his expression resigned. It’s dark but she can see him more clearly than she has all night.

“This is a terrible idea,” she murmurs, echoing her words from a month ago. “The worst you’ve ever had.”

Namjoon exhales shakily but doesn’t argue. “I meant everything I said in that note,” he says, not even trying to hide the tremble in his voice anymore. “And I really do want you to be happy.”

The note. The one he’d kept on her bedside table when he’d left her apartment while she slept, the only thing of his that was left when she’d awoken, naked and alone. She’d only had the strength to read it once before she’d broken down and tucked it deep into her drawer, knowing the words would be etched in her memory.

“You know what will make me happy,” she whispers, looking at the ground. She feels him come closer to her, one hand hovering by her side as though unable to decide if she’d want her to touch him. 

He finally rests it lightly on her waist, moving it slightly upward as she looks up at him, her heart twisting at how he’s unable to meet her eyes. She places her hands on his face, thinking vaguely how much she misses seeing his dimple.

“Joon,” she whispers, waiting for him to nod once. “Look at me.”

Namjoon visibly swallows, gaze still fallen. “Kaya, I…”

“No,” she interrupts him. “Look at me.”

With what seems like an enormous effort, he meets her eyes. This is hard for me too, you know? 

She knows. Kaya strokes his cheekbones with her thumbs, her touch feather-light. “Kiss me,” she whispers. She touches her forehead to his and closes her eyes, hoping he’ll give in, for she can’t go further than this. 

His hand tightens around her waist, pressing her into the wall. Their lips brush momentarily and he shivers.

“Do it,” she urges, her voice barely audible now. “Kiss me.”

She feels his lips before she even registers him moving against her and she leans into it, feeling like she can breathe for the first time in weeks. Come back to me, she thinks desperately. Come back to where you belong.

It’s like he can hear her. Namjoon pulls away, one hand on the wall beside her face for support, the other holding her.

“Fuck,” he whispers, and it sends a jolt of anticipation through her heart. “I love you, Kaya,” he adds, voice full of emotion. Kaya nods, unable to speak, wishing he would meet her eyes. He moves his hands to her face and touches his forehead to hers again, swallowing.

Look at me.

But he doesn’t. “But you have no idea,” he continues, every word sounding like it's costing him effort, “how I felt when you called me that night. The things that went through my mind…” He sniffs, and Kaya’s heart sinks. “I can’t let that happen again baby. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

She can feel her face start to contort and she drops her hands from his shoulders, for she knows this part by heart. “Goodbye, Namjoon,” she mutters thickly, sliding out from between him and the wall. She pushes open the door and hurries out, leaving him behind.

—

When she hears the knock on her front door the next morning, Kaya is just about to step into the shower. She freezes and sighs, for she really, really needs this shower. She considers ignoring it but the knock sounds again and she groans, abandoning the activity of tying up her hair and letting it fall loose instead. 

Grabbing the old, threadbare robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door, she pulls it around herself and shuffles to the front door. She peers through the peephole and her heart stops for a moment, but she steels herself and opens the door.

Namjoon stands before her, hands in his pockets and shoulders slightly hunched. “Hey. I just wanted to - oh, God,” he switches abruptly, his expression changing from vaguely apologetic to shocked, and he slips inside the apartment.

“What?” Kaya asks, taken off guard and stumbling backwards.

“You really opened the door wearing that?” he hisses, shutting the door behind him. “I could’ve been anyone!”

“I knew it was you,” she argues, tightening the belt around her waist and realising, for the first time, how short the robe is. But she isn’t about to admit that to him, especially not when he’s turned up unannounced and decided to begin his visit by berating her. She folds her arms across her chest. “What do you want, Namjoon?”

He hesitates, almost as though he’s just noticing how displeased she is. “Sorry,” he mutters, looking a bit ashamed. “I didn’t mean to… anyway,” he says quickly, wringing his hands and slipping them back in his pockets. “How are you?”

Kaya shrugs suspiciously. He looks remarkably different from where she’d left him last night, almost breaking down and apologising to her. Right now, he seems almost… calm. She can almost imagine that last night had been a slip-up of emotion, possibly due to tiredness and an open bar, whereas in the light of day, he’s back to being the responsible ex who’s fulfilling his obligations by checking up on her each day.

“I’m great.”

He nods after a moment, clearly not believing her. “Well, I came here because…” He sighs and a glimmer of last night’s emotion appears on his face. “I thought about what you said last night. And you were right.”

The jolt in her stomach is almost painful, but Kaya hangs on. If he was talking about what she thinks he is, he would be delivering it far more differently.

“We can’t keep doing this. I can’t expect you to keep doing this,” he adds. “Staying in this limbo, not knowing…” He bites his lip and lowers his gaze, removing his hands from his pockets. “You have every right to move on. I want you to - to be happy.”

Kaya licks her lips slowly. “This,” she says coldly, “could’ve been a text.”

“I didn’t want to leave things the way they were last night,” he tells her, his voice softer. “You’re, uh…” His voice breaks off for a moment. “You’re the love of my life. And we were together for a long time and I… I loved every moment of it. I just want to say goodbye the right way.”

Her throat hurts holding back the rush of emotion that threatens to overwhelm her. 

“Are you sure?” She can’t resist asking, in a whisper. When he nods and lowers his eyes, she feels the heavy, heavy anchor of acceptance settle in her stomach. 

Namjoon hesitantly reaches out with one hand but when she gives him a look, he nods and steps forward, and they meet in their last hug, three and a half years after their first last hug in her apartment.

Kaya hugs him tight, no longer caring about hiding how she feels. There isn’t enough time to try and memorise everything so she doesn’t even try; she just goes higher on her toes and presses her nose into his shoulder, revelling in his scent one last time.

Namjoon doesn’t seem to be doing much better. He’s holding her tight, so tight that it doesn’t seem like he’s ever intending on letting her go. His face is in her hair and his arms stroke her back in small movements, his go-to movement to comfort her since they met.

Just a few more seconds. The sensations increase now; the feel of his shoulders, his chest touching hers - and she’s suddenly conscious of the thin robe being the only thing separating her naked body from him.

At the same time, his hands move to her waist - out of habit, she knows, but she can’t help but be extremely aware of it. His hand stops just above the curve of her hips, quickly and abruptly. 

Her mouth feels dry, but her legs press together. Then, as though he can read her mind and the direction her thoughts are invariably leading in, against her hip, she can feel his body react.

She lets out a soft gasp and feels his body stiffen around her. This is goodbye, a voice reminds her, urging her brain to focus on the matter at hand. But it’s slipping - fading, almost, as a physical urge struggles for dominance. 

Her lips brush his neck as she pulls away - she has to pull away - but it doesn’t matter in the end because somewhere along the way his lips find hers and all thought disappears, replaced by touch, feel and hunger.

Namjoon sighs into her mouth like he’s breathing for the first time, pulling her close. Her robe starts to loosen and he tugs at the belt, groaning when his hands touch her bare skin.

“Fuck, are you really not wearing anything under this?” he murmurs, his voice so low and reverberating so deep inside her that she shivers.

The robe is off; it’s cool and sudden air, a moment where his hands fall from her waist and then their back but this time, it’s skin against skin. It’s lips and sighs and tight grips, the feel of denim, her fingers moving out of habit as they unbutton and unzip - and then there’s pride and relief when she feels his desire for her, still the same as ever, no matter his words.

There’s something solid against her back; somewhere, dimly, her mind registers that her dining table is rickety and has her laptop on it, and then she’s leaning forward and he’s behind her and his chest is against her back and he wants her just as much as he wants him.

“Are you -“

“I’m still on birth control,” she confirms tightly, the next moment feeling his fingers on her hips and then he’s inside her again, after so long. She could almost sob at how good it feels, how right, the lips on her shoulder and his scent and touch.

But it’s over too soon. She gasps and falls forward, her ears ringing and heart hurting at the same time as her heart races. He’s getting close, too; she tries to memorise it now, the exact moment, but then he pulls out. It’s sudden, the emptiness, but the next moment, she feels wetness on her back.

It takes around ten seconds, ten seconds when she’s frozen before she finally hears him sigh and take a step away. A moment later, she reaches across the table and pulls the tissue box towards her, reaching behind and wiping her back.

Kaya turns slightly to see him pulling on his T-shirt, jeans buttoned already. She picks up her robe and pulls it on hurriedly, suddenly not wanting to be naked for even another microsecond in front of him.

Something feels wrong. It’s not the first time he’s finished on her; he’s done it before, on explicit request and without, none of which ever made her feel… like this. Self-conscious. Bare.

Namjoon clears his throat. “I -“ He meets her eyes, still panting slightly. “I still want to… do this right,” he says, sounding almost formal. “Goodbye, Kaya.” 

He starts to take a step forward but pauses. “Maybe we shouldn’t hug,” he murmurs, offering her a small smile. Kaya watches as he hesitantly offers her a hand.

This is goodbye. Kaya can’t remember ever feeling this uncomfortable around him. The momentary loss of her sense of reason feels like it’s returned in full form, and she tightens the robe around her. She starts to reach for his hand but then stops.

“This is what you meant?” she asks quietly. “When you said you wanted to do it the right way? You wanted to see if you could squeeze in one last fuck before you closed this out like a business meeting?”

“What?” Namjoon’s eyes widen. “No! I didn’t - I didn’t want that to happen! I mean - you know that’s not what I meant,” he adds quickly. “I didn’t plan this. You and I both -“

“You planned our break-up and I had no idea,” she cuts him off, the shame and embarrassment creeping up her throat. “I really don’t know anymore.”

He scoffs, but his eyes flicker like he’s been stung. “Is that what you think of me? We were both here, Kaya. It wasn’t just me - you wanted this just as much as I -“

“I slept with Adam.” 

Namjoon freezes. He swallows and his eyes flicker again, rapidly this time. “You’re lying,” he whispers.

Kaya shrugs, holding his gaze with every last bit of willpower in her. “You were the one who told me to move on last night,” she reminds him, watching his expression crumble and doing nothing to stop it.

After what feels like several minutes, or maybe even hours, Namjoon nods slowly. Then, without another word, he turns around and opens the door, walking out of her life and shutting the door behind him.

—

Thanks for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 46:

You play stupid Games, You win stupid Prizes

Masterlist - Previous - Next

"Did you read that?" Charles asked and I looked at his phone.

"He's still gambling? He should just take that Williams seat and this whole mess is over... but no, he and his father are still talking about my goddamn seat like it's vacant!" I rolled my eyes and Charles chuckled a little.

"I can't wait for you to step out in your race suit, Doetterer 2027 on your back, right in his face that your seat is taken for the next 3 years." he sat down on the edge of the bed, and I sat up.

"I honestly don't care about him or his father... I just want to have a good weekend, perform well here at home. I want to make Germany proud. It's been a long time since a German driver won the German GP..." I sighed a little.

"Was Seb the last winner?"

"No, that was Nico in 2014. 10 years ago. Seb wasn't that lucky with Ferrari at the German grand prixs..."

"Oh yeah, true... but this year a German driver from a German team will win." Charles sounded determined and I smiled at him "I have a feeling."

"Yeah? Then let's hope you're feeling is right." I kissed his cheek and got up "And now let's go. I'm hungry." I put on Charles hoodie and we went downstairs, a loud hustling and bustling already awaiting us. Mum, Pascale and Sissy made breakfast, while Dad, Arthur and Daniel, sat at the table talking away. Benji and Liam sat on the floor playing with Arlo.

"Good morning sleeping beauty 1 and sleeping beauty 2."

Daniel was the first noticing us, right as Arlo turned around, over excitedly wagging his tail.

"Morning." I bent down, ruffling Liam and Benji's hair before I scratched Arlos head

"Sit down, sit down, breakfast will be ready any minute." Mum said from the kitchen and I plopped down next to Arthur.

"I guess you've seen the latest chapter in the never-ending Sainz to Audi saga?" Dad asked and I sighed a little.

"This weekend it will be over. He can watch Lizzie walk out in her race suit, announcing her contract renewal, Audi will put out the statement and he has to say yes to Williams, if he doesn't want to be seatless next season." Charles said and Dad nodded.

"I honestly don't get what Carlos problem was with you, Lizzie? Like seriously? He was a funny bloke, one of the guys? Nice one. But you and him? That just didn't work out." Daniel said and I shrugged my shoulders.

"He didn't like that Lizzie was better than him." Charles stated simply but I shook my head

"No, I think it all started when I was speaking out against Ferrari, mostly Mattia's way of handling you guys. And that I openly said that you are the better driver and fight for the championship and your team should fully support you. I think that was what made him furious... and from then on... well we all saw what happened."

"Yeah but everything you said was true!" Arthur said and Daniel nodded slightly.

"He's playing a dangerous game though, publicly talking about the Audi seat, not even mentioning the interest of the other teams? Basically saying he only waits for the right offer from Audi? He'll end up with no seat for next year."

"Is it a dangerous game or just a stupid game?" Charles shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess we'll see..."

"Nervous?" Elijah asked and I hesitated for a moment.

"I honestly don't know. I mean, it's Hockenheim, I know this track better than any other track. I raced there so often, I tested for Audi there so many hours, that would fill 10 full races. I raced here in F3, F2. The WSeries. Not to mention all the times I tested various cars there... but this time I race here in Formula 1? My dream comes to life... so yeah, sure I'm kinda nervous because I want to win this race and put myself under a lot of pressure. But I'm also super excited, because it's my home race that I race in freaking Formula 1." I replied, watching Dad joke with Charles, Daniel and Lorenzo.

"And today you're kicking off the race week with a nice family barbecue?"

"Yeah kinda, it's been a long time that we've all been here together. And now we added Daniel to the family, which means it's getting even louder around here." I joked right when said driver joined us at the table.

"I heard my name from my little sister?" he wiggled his eyebrows, pinching my side and I rolled my eyes laughing.

"I just said the neighbours will complain now that we added you to the family and our little backyard hangouts will be way louder than before." I chuckled and he nodded.

"Big possibility, not gonna lie."

"They survived all of you screaming and shouting after the world cup final 2014... I guess they can handle Daniel." Mum laughed and put down a salad bowl.

"Oh come on! We just won the title! Of course we freaked out a little bit!" Dad said from the barbecue and I nodded.

"A little bit? You and Hervé had fireworks! Fireworks! In July! In Germany!" Mum said and I laughed, thinking back to that day.

"It was an amazing evening! Come on!" Charles threw in, as he sat down next to me.

"Two semi-drunk men handling firework, they probably purchased illegally, in a backyard full of people and flammable things?" Pascale looked at him pointedly.

"We were careful!" Dad stated.

"Oh yeah? You two lit up one of these stick things and then, while it was already burning you read on it that you're not supposed to hold it in your hands but stick it in the ground!"

"Well... that was unfortunate. But nothing happened! We just shot these sparkly fireballs at each other." Dad shrugged.

"Seems like you guys had some good times together in the past?" Elijah smiled and I nodded.

"The best! Dad and Hervé always came up with the craziest, most random things out of the blue." I laughed and squeezed Charles hand under the table.

"They said they were brothers from another mother." he said and Pascale nodded.

"Yeah. Both grown ups with the mind of two little boys sometimes."

"Not gonna argue with that." Dad mumbled and we laughed.

"Good old times." Lorenzo said and I nodded.

"Yeah. Good old times indeed."

The moment we arrived at the Hockenheimring my mind was blown. A sea of German flags were waved everywhere. For the first time ever there where more fans waiting for me than for Charles. I was overwhelmed with the amount of people chanting my name.

"Look how they love you." Charles said, opening the door and I got out of the car.

"This is crazy!" I mumbled.

"No, its not. It's what you deserve! You deserve to be here, now and forever. This is your home. These are your people.

And look at how much they love you." he took my hand and pulled me towards the fence "Come on. They're all waiting for you, cara mia!"

I didn't know where to start, who to look at first, the amount of people cheering me on was overwhelming. I took more selfies than at all races combined before as it felt, signed team kits, flags, poster, caps and what not. My wrists were full of new bracelets, hands full of gifts.

"Thank you so much!" I hugged the girl who handed me a scratch book, after explaining to me that’s it’s a book with fan letters from girls around the world, thanking me for being their role model and writing how me being in F1 changed their life’s "This means so much to me! What’s your insta name! I want to post it and tag you! I mean if that’s okay for you?"

"Yes! Of course! I made it together with my best friend, she can’t be here unfortunately." the girl replied, typing down her Instagram name in my phone "We both hope that you’re winning this weekend! And if not you, then Charles!"

"I will try my very best!" I chuckled and took back my phone, when Charles tapped my shoulder "Thanks again for the book!"

I waved one last time to the crowd and then followed Charles to the gates, the book pressed tightly to my chest.

"Cara mia." Charles nodded towards a little girl, covered in Audi merch, hiding behind her father's legs.

I handed Charles the book and several other gifts and slowly walked towards the father daughter duo.

"Hi." I smiled at her and she gripped her dad's leg tighter.

"Maddie, come on, say hi to Lizzie." he cooed and the little girl, Maddie, carefully stepped around his legs. I immediately kneeled down, smiling at her.

"Hi Maddie, my name is Lizzie." I said, stretching out my hand and she hesitantly shook it.

"I know who you are." she said quietly "I'm a huge fan."

"Thank you, that really means a lot." I smiled.

"Maddie started karting 2 years ago after she saw you debut in F1." her dad said, and I looked up at him "She said if you can make it into F1 with only men, she can start karting with the boys."

"And you are absolutely right! Just because you're the only girl doesn't mean that you shouldn't do it! When I started karting, I also was the only girl, for a really long time actually, but it never stopped me."

"And now you're in Formula 1." she said.

"And now I'm in Formula 1."

"I think you will win this weekend, or at least I hope so."

"I will try my very best." I smiled and Maddie poked her dad's leg.

"Oh yeah, umm- can I take a picture of you two?" he asked and I nodded

"Of course." I smiled waving the girl over.

"Can you sign my cap as well?" she asked as soon as her dad gave us the thumbs up.

"Sure." I took the sharpie from her dad's hand and signed the cap "Here, all done."

"Thank you! And good luck this weekend!" she smiled and I nodded.

"Can I get a good luck hug?" I asked and she nodded excitedly and hugged me "Thank you." I got up and waved her and her dad goodbye when Charles lead me away, towards the hospitalities.

"You're so loved here, I honestly wished it was like this everywhere..." he said and I nodded a little.

"Yeah, it's really a total new feeling."

"You deserve it." he kissed my cheek and we stopped in front of the Audi hospitality "See you later? I'll pick you up and we can go together to the press conference."

"Alright." I took my gifts from him and kissed him goodbye, then walked inside where Julie was waiting for me.

"The crowd loves you!" she smiled and I put down the gifts.

"They really do, I have a feeling that this weekend we'll shoot something special." Elijah said and I flinched a little.

"I completely forgot about you." I mumbled and he laughed.

"We stayed behind, just filmed you without you even knowing we were there."

"Can you do that the whole weekend like that?" I asked and Julie laughed.

"That’s our plan. You’ll not even know that we’re here." he said and I sighed a little.

"Well, yeah, let's hope so."

"Welcome to round 13 here at Hockenheim, home gp of two of our drivers and teams. Today we're having hometown hero's Lizzie Doetterer, Audi and Nico Hülkenberg, Haas, with us, as well as Charles Leclerc, Scuderia Ferrari, Max Verstappen, Red Bull Racing and Daniel Ricciardo, Racing Bulls. I start with you Lizzie. First time racing in F1 on home turf, how are you feeling?" Tom Clarkson started the press conference, and I took the microphone.

"I'm excited, nervous, overwhelmed, yeah too much to put into words. When I was younger I watched some of the best drivers race this track and dreamed that one day I would be one of them and here I am." I answered and Charles next to me smiled.

"How does it feel, seeing all those German flags being waved, all those people in Audi merch?"

"It's just amazing. I never felt this much support ever before and it makes me more than excited to finally race here."

"You always said that Hockenheim is the track you know the best, the track you race better than any other track. Do you think it gives you a little advantage, that you know this track so well, raced here more often then most other drivers on the grid?"

"It's no disadvantage, that's for sure, but honestly, on other tracks I only raced once before I had to do it in F1, on others I've never raced before. It's like this in F1 sometimes. And nowadays with the simulators you can race as often as you want on every track, so yeah."

"Alright, let's continue with you Nico, another hometown hero." Clarkson looked at Nico and began his interview with him, then continued with Max, Daniel and lastly Charles.

"Charles, you said that Lizzie will make a big step forwards this weekend and will be one of the main threats."

"I've seen her progress over the last races, she was always close to the win, collected podium after podium, and now we're here at Hockenheim, the track she can race blindly... which she did, by the way, and Audi brought a new set of updates? Yeah, she definitely will be one of the main threats this weekend."

"You raced here with a blindfold?" Max asked me and I laughed.

"No! It was only in the simulator, a couple of years ago!" I replied and he laughed.

"And? Did you make it?"

"She did, she was only 3 seconds slower than me." Charles answered and Max looked impressed.

"Not bad."

"Alright. Let's open this up to questions from the floor. As always, please state your name and publication first." Clarkson looked into the crowd of reporters and picked the first question.

Most of the first ones were for Nico and me, how we felt about finally racing back in Germany. If Hockenheim should be permanently on the race calendar. Then the questions switched to Max and Charles and their close battle for the championship.

"Question for Lizzie. You brought a whole set of updates, how do you think they will be working?"

"Well the weather got a bit in our way to fully say how they will work out with heavy rains on the forecast for the whole weekend. So we will have to wait what we can do under this rough conditions." I say honestly.

"But you're usually really good in the rain and love a rough track?" he countered and I laughed.

"Well, yeah, but I’m usually liking it not that rough." I answered.

"News to me." Charles mumbled, not directly into his microphone, but still loud enough to get caught and the silence was loud in the room.

I looked at him with wide eyes and he sat there, petrified. The shock what he just had said evident on his face.

"So a freak in the streets and a freak in the sheets. Lucky you, Charles" Daniel laughed and I blushed.

The whole room erupted in laughter and Charles just facepalmed and mouthed a 'sorry' to me. I silently prayed for Clarkson to end the press conference and when he did I was the first one to leave, taking a deep breath as soon as I was outside.

"I’m so, so sorry, cara mia! I swear I didn’t expect the microphone to catch that." Charles followed me and held me by the waist, looking at me "It was more a joke to myself and… god I’m so sorry."

"You‘re not… you‘re grinning!" I pushed him off and he chuckled.

"Because it was kinda funny! Freaking embarrassing, but funny!" Charles pouted a little and I rolled my eyes.

"Everyone laughed and had a blast, come on mate." Max laughed, appearing right behind Charles and I glared at him "Okay. Sorry. I’m scared of your girl…" he then whispered to Charles.

"Kids, kids! Come on. It was a joke, we all laughed. Nothing bad happened." Daniel said and Charles nudged my shoulder a little "Well, nothing bad happened yet… if I’d be you, Charlie boy, I’d be scared to walk back to the paddock, where Pops will wait…"

"What?" Charles stopped grinning in an instant and swallowed hard.

"What you said? About his perfect, little girl? His princess? I wouldn’t want to be in your skin." Daniel walked off with a satisfied smile on his lips and Charles looked at me.

"Pops will laugh about it, right? He knows it was a joke?"

"I don’t know… not so sure…" now I chuckled and grabbed his hand "Come on, let’s see."

"Lizzie!" he whined and I laughed even louder.

"Oh come on, it was just a joke, you said it yourself…" I pulled him with me and as soon as we spotted Dad sitting outside the Audi hospitality, playing with Arlo, Charles slowed down.

"Look who’s there!" Dad unbuckled the leash from Arlo’s harness and he bolted off, straight into us and I bent down, scratching his ears.

"Hello my good boy. Did you play with Pops a little?" I cooed and followed him back to where Dad was sitting, Charles staying a little behind.

"So, how is it being here?" Dad asked me and I sat down, shrugging my shoulders.

"It’s normal, I guess?" I said, watching Charles take a tentative step towards us, still looking at Dad.

"Pete is confident that the upgrades will work out."

"Yeah, they all are, I guess we have to wait and see, no?" I picked up Arlo, sitting him down in my lap, when Dad turned to Charles.

"And what about you?"

"Me?" Charles asked nervously.

"Yeah, your car was lacking straight line speed in Silverstone? Did you fix that problem?"

"Oh… umm yeah, yeah, the team is confident that they fixed this issue." he sounded slightly relieved, letting out a deep breath, sitting down next to me, still a little fidgety.

"You okay there, Charles? Rough night?" Dad asked and Charles eyes widened.

"It was a joke! A stupid joke! I’m so, so sorry!" he blurted out and Dad bursted out laughing.

"Boy, I never saw you sweating like that." he shook his head, still laughing.

"I’m really sorry." Charles mumbled and Dad got up, patting his shoulder.

"It’s alright, Charlie boy." he said and walked inside.

"Why do I feel like he’s secretly planning something?" Charles mumbled and I shrugged.

"Because he probably is…"

"Very comforting, thank you."

"Always."

Another day, another sea of German flags, Audi shirts and caps and poster of me were greeting us when we stepped out of the car and I couldn't stop the big grin forming on my lips. I zipped my jacket close and put the hood on, trying to stay dry.

"Excited?" Charles asked and I nodded.

"I think I was never this excited for FP1 ever before.. " I laughed and he pulled me to his side, kissing my temple.

"Same, same." he chuckled, dropping me off at my hospitality "Have a good session."

"You too." I smiled, climbing up the stairs.

"Lizzie?" Julie held the door open for me and I walked inside, the whole team standing around a table and I followed her inside.

"What's going on?" I asked when Pete and Valtteri stepped aside, revealing a cake.

In big red letters DOETTERER 2027 carefully piped on.

"Congrats on your contract renewal!" Valtteri said and I hugged him.

"Thank you, Valtteri! But where are you going? I mean... with Nico coming?" I whispered.

"It's all good, little one. I talked to Felix the moment I got a new offer, that’s when he contacted Nico…" he said and I looked at him "I’m going back to Mercedes, for one year and then it’s time to retire."

"Wait… what?"

"Toto called me as soon as Lewis told him. With Kimi Antonelli Mercedes has a good driver for the future, but he needs more experience, 2025 is too early for him, so I’ll take over for one year."

"But why retire? You still have some good years ahead of you!"

"Because it’s time. One day, you just feel it." he nudged my shoulder a little and smiled "And now come on… let’s have a piece of cake and then go into the car!"

"Okay…" I nodded slowly and stepped closer to the table.

"Speech! Speech! Speech!" Matt and some of my mechanics began to chant and I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Okay, okay, okay! Honestly I don’t have much to say, just that I’m grateful for every single one of you! You are the best team I could’ve ever ended up in. You always believe in me and have my back, support me no matter what. Today we celebrate us, this team. Thank you guys!" I said, smiling at my team and Felix pulled me close to his side.

"Alright everyone! Let’s have some cake!" he said and then turned to me "And then get out there and have some fun."

I sat on the sofa, mindlessly scratching Arlo’s head in my lap, not listening to the conversations around me.

"Cara mia?" Charles squeezed my thigh and I looked up from my lap "Come on, eat something."

"I’m not hungry." I mumbled, looking back down.

"Hey, look at me." he scooted closer, gently grabbing my chin, turning my head "It wasn’t your fault… you couldn’t do anything. You were amazing in FP1, okay? We all saw how good you were! And what happened in FP2? It was out of your hands, until the crash you were the fastest on mediums! No one could match your pace, not even on softs!"

"Yeah but I crashed out, Charles!" I groaned and he sighed.

"No you didn’t! Logan crashed out and took you out as well an-…"

"I could’ve reacted quicker! Go around him, just do something to avoid the crash!" I interrupted him.

"No, no you could not, okay? Stop bashing yourself. It’s not your fault, end of the story." Charles looked at me pointedly and after a moment I sighed and nodded a little "Now, would you please eat something?"

"Yeah…" I sat Arlo down next to me and grabbed my fork.

"Thank you." Charles kissed my cheek and I took a bite of my salad.

"Tomorrow’s a new day, don’t beat yourself up too much." Dad said and I nodded again.

"I just wanted this to be the perfect weekend, you know? No mistakes. Good results. So that when the contract renewal is announced on Sunday no one doubts it…" I sighed.

"And you still can do it! Today was unfortunate, but it wasn’t your fault! Tomorrow you’ll come back stronger." Charles looked at me determined.

"I hope you’re right…"

"I am. You’ll see…"

Pole position. Freaking pole position. I cheered into the radio. Not understanding what Pete said for the first few seconds.

"You did it, little one! P fucking 1! Wooohooo! We’re all so proud of you!" his voice rang in my ears and I laughed.

"Let’s fucking go, guys! The car was on fire!"

"It really was!"

"Where’s Charles? Valtteri?" I asked, hoping to hear some good results.

"P2 and P4. Amazing job from you guys!"

I parked my car in the P1 spot and jumped out, running towards my team, celebrating our first pole in a while.

"Amazing job, little one!" Pete patted my back.

"What a lap!" Felix shouted.

"Thanks guys!" I high fived everyone when a pair of arms engulfed me from behind.

"What an amazing lap, cara mia!" Charles muffled voice behind me.

I turned around and opened my visor, his eyes already on mine. He pulled me towards the tables and I took my helmet off, followed by my balaclava, wiping my face.

"POLE SITTER!" Daniel yelled, storming our way, hugging me tight "Good job, Lizzie!"

"Thanks Danny." I smiled, seeing Pierre making his way to us.

"You so going to win tomorrow!" his first words as soon as he pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Don't jinx it!" I laughed and slapped his arm.

"I don't! It's just an honest opinion!" he chuckled and walked off.

"Lizzie?" an F1 official smiled at me and I nodded, taking the microphone from him.

"Lizzie! Congratulations on your pole! What an amazing qualifying session! Talk us through your pole lap." Nico Rosberg smiled his 10.000 mega watt smile at me and I took a deep breath, seeing all the Germany flags being waved behind him in the grandstand.

"Honestly, I just pushed, pushed, pushed. I knew that the rain would come any minute back and thought to myself that I just have to go full throttle. And it worked out perfectly."

"That it did. What do you think is possible in the race, can you win tomorrow, as the first German driver in a long time?"

"You mean as the first German driver after your last win here?" I chuckled and he nodded laughing "I think if we can maximise our race pace, have a good and clean start, a lot is possible."

"You're driving with a special livery this weekend, and I noticed a very interesting detail on your car and helmet..." Nico pointed at the hood of my car and I smiled, looking at the large 7.

"I wanted to pay tribute to not just this amazing track, because it's a shame that we don't have this track in the race calendar every season, but also go a little deeper. Germany and F1 belong together, and that's because of the amazing German F1 driver's of the past, but also the present. After waiting for this race for so long, I wanted to have every single German F1 driver with me, so yeah. I wanted to pay tribute to the guys who represented Germany so well in Formula 1, so yeah there's you, Seb, Timo, Nico but also some less known names, but still important. And of course, the Schumachers. Ralf and Michael, who was my hero growing up and I'm sure of so many others as well, he gave so much to this sport, he’s a legend, and also Mick, who should be driving on this track with me tomorrow, he didn’t get the chance he deserved back in Haas and I hope that changes in the future." I said proudly and Nico nodded.

"What a beautiful gesture. I think I speak for everyone who's on your car and helmet, when I say thank you so much, it means a lot." his voice was wavering a little and I squeezed his arm.

"I hope you like the photo of you that I chose." I laughed, to brighten the mood again and he smiled.

"I have to check it out, but honestly, every photo would be great, just because of the gesture. For now, I wish you all the best and good luck for tomorrow."

"Thanks, Nico." I handed my microphone to Charles who smiled brightly at me, then walked off to Julie, who was already waiting for me.

"Good job, Lizzie." she smiled and I followed her to the media pen "I need to take some pictures of you in your new race suit for tomorrow."

"Okay..." I sighed and she chuckled.

"Just a few quick shots, that's all I need."

"Okay.." I repeated and she playfully rolled her eyes.

"Thank you! And now smile, your on pole for your home race!"

"Yep, that I am." a big smile on my face again, when I read the text from Seb.

I woke up earlier than usually. Got up and took a quick shower, getting ready for the day. Then I waited for Charles to wake up. Breakfast went by in a blur and the drive to the track was even faster. All the fans around cheering for me, wishing me good luck, telling me that I would win, made me smile. I was getting more and more excited and when I walked inside my drivers room and looked at the race suit, the excitement bubbled up even more. The German flag in stripes down the arms and legs, my name on the back as well coloured in the German flag, paired with the 2027. All black. It looked dangerous. Our designer team really did an amazing job.

"Come on, fireproofs on and then let me braid your hair…" Mum smiled at me and I nodded, going on with my usual race day routine "We’re all so proud of you, Lizzie. So incredibly proud! Pole position, new contract, high chances of a win. And that all here at Hockenheim…"

"Oh Mum stop! Don’t cry!" I chuckled and she wiped away a tear, smoothing down my hair, combing through it "It’s a weekend like any other!"

"But it’s not! I’ve never seen so many people supporting you! Screaming your name! Finally you get the recognition you deserve." a soft smile on her lips "It just makes me so happy to see you happy."

"Oh Mum…" I turned around and hugged her.

"Okay, come on now. Silly me. Let’s get you ready and then present that beautiful race suit!" she wiped her tears away and braided my hair.

I checked as always that they weren’t too tight, moved my head around and gave her the thumbs up.

"Alright. I’ll wait outside for you." she kissed my cheek and left.

I turned around, grabbing the suit from the hanger and put it on, leaving the top unzipped pooling around my waist.

"Liz? You decent?" JK knocked at the door and I opened up "Ready for a little warm-up?"

He walked inside, a big grin on his lips, looking at my race suit.

"I'm so freaking excited to see Sainz' face." he laughed, and I chuckled a little.

"I just have to deliver as well... then it's a lethal punch in the guts." I shrugged my shoulders a little and he nodded.

"You'll do great, and now come on, let me get you ready." he clapped his hands, and got up "Okay, first your back and then some agility."

We started the warm-up routine and JK watched me carefully, every little hiss or frown was noted, and the exercise immediately adjusted. After 30 minutes I got up from the mat on the floor and took a big sip from my water bottle.

"I think I can win this today…" I said after a while and JK nodded.

"I think so too. You worked so hard the last weeks. You’ll start from pole. This is your win today." he smiled "And now let’s go, it’s time to show the world who‘s driving for Audi the next 3 seasons to come."

"Who‘s that? Oh right… ME!" I laughed and he chuckled.

"Come on now."

"Aye, aye captain." I saluted and he rolled his eyes, pushing me away gently.

I looked outside, the sky grey, light rain falling.

"Lizzie? It’s time." Pete looked at me and I took a deep breath.

"Alright, let's do this." I took one last sip of water and then turned to Julie, a big smile on her face.

"We'll let you walk out, stand with Nico in front of the entire grid, everyone will see the 2027 and right then I will post the official announcement." she said and I nodded, pulling my race suit up.

"How does it look?" I asked her and she gave me the thumbs up.

"Freaking amazing." Charles said behind me and I turned around "You look gorgeous."

"Oh stop. I'm just wearing a race suit..." I chuckled and he grabbed me by the waist pulling me into him.

"Yeah, I can see that, but it's your smile that's so captivating..." he kissed me, and I heard some of my mechanics hollering "Ready to kick some asses and let some jaws drop to the floor?"

"Hell yes!" I said and he smiled, taking my hand, leading me outside.

The first moments nothing much happened, but with every step I took further down the grid, a murmuring was going around. I saw the cameras filming us, Charles grinned, and some mechanics from other teams pointing at my back. And then I looked up at the big screen, showing my back, flashing the message out for everyone to see and the crowd cheered even louder.

"Seems like the crowd likes it..." Charles nudged me gently and I nodded, looking up at the screen again, where I looked in my face, a big smile on my lips.

"Urgh...stop filming my face." I chuckled and turned slightly, looking for the camera man.

"Stop whining, this is your moment!" Charles whispered and pushed me towards Nico, who already waited for me.

"Ready?" he asked and I nodded, walking in front of the rest of the grid to stand on the marked spot for us.

"It’s so weird… I’m used to stand somewhere behind… not in the middle with all eyes on me, or us…" I mumbled and he chuckled.

"It’s just for the anthem, you will survive." he said, then grinned "Oh, and congrats, team mate." he nudged my shoulder and I chuckled a little.

As soon as we both stood on our designated spots and Nico took off his cap the German national anthem started playing and we both sang along. For the first time today I felt the nervousness overcoming me, felt the tingling in my hands. This was it. This was it. The day I dreamed of for so many years. I would race in Formula 1 at Hockenheim. I saw the marching band preparing for the anthem and closed my eyes, for a moment, soaked it all in. With the beginning of the anthem I opened my eyes, starting to sing along. I never felt this pride in my life and the atmosphere was buzzing.

The next moments all happened in a blur. I walked back to my garage, did some last stretches, looked over the data once more, then it was time. Mum, Dad, Sissy, Liam, Marcus and Benji looked at me. All smiling. All looking proud.

"My sweet girl, we're all so, so proud of you!" Mum hugged me and I smiled

"We had that already today, Mum." I chuckled and she pulled awa, sniffling lightly.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry!" she whispered and managed to smile a little.

"Come here, my little owl." Dad pulled me in another bear hug "Kick their asses, Lizzie. Show them how good you really are." he whispered and I nodded.

"I'll try my best." I whispered back, then he pulled me away and next Sissy, then Marcus hugged me.

"We're proud of you."

"You'll win this."

"Only if my two little lads hug me!" I smiled at my nephews and both hugged me in an instant.

"Good luck, Lizzie!" Benji chirped.

"I know that you'll win!" Liam smiled brightly.

"Thank you guys so much!" I kissed their heads and then waved one last time.

Then I turned around, following JK out on the grid.

"Lizzie! Lizzie!" Martin Brundle caught up to us and I smiled at him "Woman of the hour. Pole setter, contract renewal, maybe race winner?"

"I will try my very best to achieve it." I replied and he smiled.

"3 more years with Audi, what a way to announce it, here, in front of your home crowd."

"They don't say for nothing there's no place like home, you know."

"Very well said. And I'm being honest with you, I'm rooting for you today. No better way to celebrate your contract renewal than with a home race win. Good luck out there!"

"Thanks, Martin!" he squeezed my shoulder and then hurried off, right when we arrived at my car.

"This is it. The moment you've been waiting for." JK smiled and I looked up at the sky for a moment. Watched the clouds brighten up a little.

"This is it. Indeed." I smiled and saw Charles coming over.

"Ready for it?" he smiled.

"Baby, let the race begin."

Charles chuckled and then hugged me one last time, kissing my temple.

"You can do it. We all believe in you. You'll win this race today!" he whispered and I nodded.

"I see you next to me then?"

"Oh hell yes." he nudged my chin gently and then walked back to his car, getting ready himself.

"Liz?"

I turned around, taking my balaclava first and then my helmet from JK, putting both on. Then I climbed in the car, got buckled and strapped in, put my gloves on and waited lastly for my steering wheel. A sense of calmness was washing over me and I felt myself smiling. This was my home. This was my win.

"Ready?" Matt signaled me and I gave him the thumbs up.

"Ready."

I never felt this at one with my car. It was almost like the car and my brain were connected and whatever I thought, the car reacted immediately. I was like in a tunnel, my whole surroundings faded away and it was only me, my car and the track. It felt like I heard Pete for the first time in hours when he told me that I should bring it home.

"Last lap?" I asked, almost flabbergasted.

"Last lap, Lizzie." he radioed back and I couldn't believe it.

"Already?"

"Already.. you were flying." he chuckled.

I breezed past Sachs, into turn 13 and 14, next into turn 15 and lastly into the Südkurve, watching the grandstand, a sea of black, red and yellow. I spotted the checkered flag and it was done. I won. Hockenheim.

"YOU DID IT!" Pete screamed "PHENOMENAL JOB, LIZZIE!"

"I won..." my voice barely a whisper.

"Yes you did! You won!"

"FUCKING HELL I WON!" I yelled.

"We're all so proud of you, little one! Amazing race!"

"Thank you guys so much! This is our win. All the hard work every single one poured into this made us win today!"

"It was you, who won today!" Felix radioed "You drove brilliantly, Lizzie."

"Thanks Felix, for everything."

"We're so proud of you, little one."

"Where's Valtteri?"

"P4. We earned a big chunk of points today. Well done!" I was overwhelmed. I won. Hockenheim. My mind went into autopilot. I parked the car in the middle spot. Unbuckled my seatbelt and headrest. Unclipped my steering wheel and climbed out. The crowd chanting. My name. Unbelievable. On shaky legs I jumped into my team. Celebrated our victory.

Watched my family celebrating my win.

"YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! YOU WON!" Liam and Benji chirped and I hugged them both, jumping up and down.

"We're so proud of you. You were amazing!" Dad patted my helmet and I saw Mum wiping away some tears.

"Mum! Enough tears, come on!" I chuckled and she nodded.

"Go! Celebrate!" she smiled, looking behind me and without even turning around I knew who she was looking at.

I pulled my helmet off and turned around, Charles. Helmet already off. Wearing his biggest, most adorable smile. His eyes sparkling, looking at me. I pulled my balaclava off and sprinted towards him, not caring for a single moment what people would say, and jumped into his arms.

"You won, cara mia! I'm so proud of you!" he whispered, hugging me tight and the moment he pulled away slightly, I captured his lips in a searing kiss.

The world faded to nothing. Only Charles and I. And after what felt like ages my head started to feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen and I slowly pulled away.

"I love you." I breathed out and Charles smile made my heart go faster.

"In front of everyone? What's gotten into you?" he chuckled and I smiled sheepishly.

"I don't give a fuck anymore. I have a seat for the next 3 years in the best team. I won my home race. I have the best family and friends. And I have you. Why would I care about anyone else anymore?"

"I love you, my crazy girl." he whispered against my lips and kissed me again, right when someone cleared their throat, making us pull away.

"I really don't want to interrupt..."

"No, its fine..." I laughed, taking the microphone.

"Lizzie! Congrats on your win here today! What a race. At no time your win was in danger. How do you feel, after winning your home race?" Nico Rosberg asked and I took a deep breath, looking up at the crowd, the sea of German flags, the people chanting my name.

"I'm speechless. Seriously. I'm overwhelmed with it all... I was the whole race like in a tunnel. Just kept doing my thing. I think I never spoke this little with Pete during a race."

"You were genuinely surprised when your race engineer told you that it was the last lap?"

"Yeah, because I was so freaking focused. I swear I don't even know anymore when I pitted! It was all one big blur." I chuckled a little.

"You did amazing. Congratulations. You made all of Germany proud today, am I right?" Nico turned to the crowd and the chanting got even louder "Congratulations again, Lizzie, what an unbelievable race!"

"Thanks Nico." I smiled, handing Charles the microphone and followed the F1 official to the cool down room.

I put my helmet down, grabbed a bottle of water and sat down, closing my eyes. All the emotions almost bubbling over. I still couldn't believe it. I won Hockenheim.

"There she is, my race winner." Charles walked in and I smiled "How does it feel? Winning your home race?"

"Umm... freaking amazing? Overwhelming? Fucking awesome?" I laughed and he nodded "You kept Max behind you then?" I looked at him, when a replay of the race start was shown.

"Yeah, wasn't easy though." he shrugged, right when Max walked in.

"There she is. Home GP winner." he smiled and hugged me "What a race. I think I saw you at the start the only time the whole race."

"Our pace was out of this world today." I nodded when I watched another replay on the screen. Sainz going wide off track. I couldn't stop the grin from forming.

"Come on now, lets get your trophy!" Charles pulled me out of my chair, then he grabbed something out of his helmet and threw it around my shoulders, I looked down. A German flag.

"It's your home race! Let's go, don't let your crowd wait." he pushed me towards the door and I braced myself one last time, then stepped outside.

I climbed up the highest step, the sun breaking through the cloudy sky, the crowd chanting my name. I did it. I really did it. I watched Michael, one of our head strategists walk outside, hugging me again, taking his place on the right. Next came Charles, then Max. I took off my cap and looked up in the sky as the German anthem played. Charles smiled up at me proudly and I couldn’t contain the smile on my own face. The crowd singing along our anthem. Dad, Pete and Felix all together screaming it from the top of their lungs. Liam and Benji waving and clapping. I felt invincible. The moment the anthem stopped I prepared myself to lift up the most important trophy of my life so far. I held the German flag together, taking the trophy from Stefano Domenicali, who congratulated me and stepped aside. The moment I lifted the trophy over my head the crowd erupted. It was almost deafening. I sat my trophy down, waving at Liam and Benji when Les Toreadors started playing and I felt myself getting soaked in champagne from 3 sides. I managed to grab my bottle and spray a little champagne myself before we toasted our bottles together.

"Cheers to Lizzie!" Charles smiled at me and I took a swig of champagne, immediately scrunching up my nose.

We all huddled together to take the photos and I felt like I would never stop smiling. All the way down the podium, back to the garage where every single one of my team hugged me, to my family doing the same. The smile on my face only getting bigger and bigger. I even enjoyed the interviews and the press conference for once, even joked around.

"Go back to your team now, and later on, we’re going to celebrate!" Charles kissed me one last time and I cocked an eyebrow.

"Where are we going?"

"You’ll see. And now go!" he pushed me up the stairs of the Audi hospitality, laughing when I turned around and stocked out my tongue "GO!"

I shook my head and walked inside, the team already celebrating.

"I heard that Charles planned a party?" Felix looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders.

"I have no idea. Honestly."

"There is still one last race before the summer break next week…" I could see how he was fighting off a big smile and made my best puppy eyes.

"Only a ittle partying? Pretty please?" I pouted and Felix laughed.

"Just a little!" he said and I cheered.

"Let’s fucking gooo!"

It was like I was floating on cloud 9 the next days. After a big hangover for the half of Monday, the big smile on my face returned immediately back. I won Hockenheim. My home race. One more race and it was summer break. Life couldn’t be better. Only the weather didn’t pass the vibe check. Still heavy rains. Still grey skies. Spa would be another battle in the rain.

"Lizzie, how do you feel? After winning your home gp, seeing how good the updates worked?" Lawrence Barretto asked.

"Honestly, it still feels a little unreal. I mean it was an incredible, unbelievable feeling. The atmosphere was great, the fans were amazing. It was overall one of my best weekends in F1 so far for me." I replied with a big smile.

"Spa is, after Hockenheim of course, one of your favourite tracks, do you think the updates will work on this track as well?"

"I’m confident that the car will do great here as well, yes."

"There has been a lot of… different opinions about your contract renewal, what do you say to the people, thinking you don’t deserve a seat in F1?"

"I did the talking on track. I won a race, three in total in my third season in a midfield to slightly top team. While others in top teams won their first race in their sixth season. That’s all I have to say."

"Thank you Lizzie and good luck this weekend."

"Thanks." I smiled and walked off,

"Subtle." Julie chuckled and I shrugged.

"He could’ve just shut the f up and not comment on it. I just won my home race and instead of saying that he’s happy for me. Or just laugh and say good for her. No he had to say that it leaves him worried for Sainz, because he hoped that he would get my seat to make him stay in F1… he can fuck right off." I said, raising my voice at the end when I spotted the very person of my rage.

"Yeah, he should’ve just kept quiet. But you know him…" Julie sighed and we walked towards the exit.

"Yeah. Doesn’t make it better."

"I know. Let’s go. Ignore him." she lead me outside and for a brief moment Norris looked up, his eyes on mine, but I looked away and kept walking.

"I guess I have to do the talking on track again this weekend." I mumbled, and Julie nodded.

"That you do! And you show everyone that you deserve this seat more than Sainz does. Period."

"Oh 100 %."

"Hey Mr. Pole sitter." I smiled at Charles when he unlocked the car, ushering me inside "Not gonna lie. That lap was sexy."

"Oh come one, silly girl." he laughed, starting the engine.

"What? Max had all purples and was this close setting a new lap record and then you chimed in with all purples beating his time, even closer to a new lap record and then just casually top your won times with again all purples and really set a new record?" I looked at him and he shook his head "That was sexy. So. Damn. Sexy."

"Okay, okay!" he chuckled and I smiled "It was a good quali, I’m just sorry for you."

"The rules are the rules. He set the time first, so he’s in front of me." I shrugged my shoulders a little and Charles sighed.

"I know, it still sucks. You’ll be in a Lando and Carlos sandwich at the start."

"Ewww, don’t you dare ever saying that again!" I punched his arm and he laughed.

"Sorry. But seriously. Be careful."

"I will be, don’t worry." I said, looking out the window, watching how the rain kept pouring down.

"Let’s just hope for better weather tomorrow. Spa and that rain? That’s a red flag fest." Charles said and I nodded.

"Yeah, let’s really hope for better weather."

But all hopes and prayers were for nothing. It was still raining cats and dogs and when we arrived at the track, we were soaked down to our bones.

"I’ll see you later, cara mia." Charles kissed me and left.

I walked inside, taking my rain coat off, watching a few team members sit huddled together in the corner.

"That’s just sad. Both cars? I mean, better than the whole Australia incident, giving the driver who crashed out the other one’s car… but still…" Matt said and shook his head.

"What happened?" I asked and they turned around, greeting me.

"Williams won’t start the race. With both cars. They had to withdraw. Chassis and PU problems. They didn’t get ready in time because the spare parts were missing." Matt said and I looked at him with big eyes "Yeah, it’s sad…"

"Fucking hell, both cars? Damn." I mumbled, taking my phone out to read the official F1 article.

I finished reading when Charles texted me, saying he overheard the biggest news. When I asked him what it was he replied to wait and enjoy. I groaned and JK looked at me questioningly.

"You good?"

"Charles said A but not B…"

"Sorry, what? Is that a weird sex code?"

"What the fuck? No! He hinted at something but then didn’t tell me what it was about and I want to know!" I looked at him with big eyes.

"Oh, okay. So you mean if you are at the ball, you must dance. The saying goes who says A must say B in German?" JK asked.

"Better than if you’re at the ball, you must dance? That’s weird? And so long!" I defended and he held his hands up.

"I forgot, German efficiency."

"Exactly. German efficiency."

"Will you tell me now what you heard?" I asked Charles when we got ready after the anthem and he chuckled, grabbing my hand "Charles!"

"Patience, cara mia, patience!" he pulled me with him, looking around, searching for something.

"What are you looking for?"

He shook his head and then spotted Sainz, pulling me towards him.

"Carlos. Hey. I overheard the big news earlier, congrats on your new team. Looks like they all can’t wait for you to come, in fact, they were this excited that they completely forgot to get their car’s ready for the race." Charles said and I looked at him with big eyes "Let’s go, cara mia."

"What the…" I began, looking at him.

"He signed with Williams. I heard him, his father and cousin and Sylvia talk about it. The way they want to announce it." he chuckled and then turned around, grinning at Sainz who looked our way.

"You’re evil." I whispered, following his look.

"I know… but you love it, no?"

"Not gonna lie, it’s hot. Scary, but hot." I chuckled and he laughed.

"What is scary but hot?" Andrea asked and JK just shook his head.

"Do we even want to know." he rolled his eyes and I laughed.

"We were just talking about our good friend Sainz."

"What about him?" Andrea asked and Charles wiggled his eyebrows.

"He has a new team… sadly that team has no car on the grid…"

"He sighed with Williams?" JK asked, his head snapping around, watching Sainz "On the weekend where both cars have a DNS?"

"Williams. One of the worst team on the grid…"

"You know, like a really famous poet once said: You play stupid games, You win stupid prizes." I shrugged and all 3 looked at me for a moment.

"Taylor Swift." they said in unison and I laughed.

"I’m proud of you, my fellow Swiftie."

"Let’s get you guys in the car." JK rolled his eyes playfully and I pushed him away.

"Good luck, cara mia. Be careful. They both are ruthless at the start! I want you on that podium with me." Charles pulled me close, then kissed me gently "Drive safe. These conditions allow zero mistakes. I love you."

"I love you too, go and win this race." I smiled and he nodded, pecking my lips again, before he walked off with Andrea.

"Alright. Let’s get you in the car, come on." JK said and I nodded, turning around and preparing for the race.

When I sat in the car, everything was checked and ready, I took a deep breath. Looking to my left, spotting Norris who looked my way. I had to fight off Tweedledee and Tweedledum right at the start. Great. One last radio check and the formation started, the spray from Max making my vision practically non existent. As soon as we were back in our grid boxes I focused on the lights and accelerated the moment they went out, gaining massive momentum, almost instantly overtaking Norris. I inwardly cheered a little, pushing the throttle full through, focusing on what was happening in front, while trying to stay ahead of Norris and Sainz.

"Red Flag. Red Flag." Pete radioed and I cursed.

"What happened?"

"Daniel, Pierre, Ocon, Stroll and Alonso had a little something."

"Everyone okay?"

"Yeah, looks like Ocon and Alonso won’t be able to continue."

"Okay."

"Safety car."

The track was clear surprisingly fast and we all left the pits again, following the safety car.

"Standing start, Lizzie, back in P4."

"Of course." I mumbled hoping for another good start like the one minutes ago and was pleasantly surprised when I breezed past Norris for the second time today.

The rain was slightly getting lighter, the sight was still bad though and the first laps I had to focus more on seeing something than on driving fast. But that soon changed and I saw Sainz coming closer and closer.

"What lap are we in? I can’t read it."

"17."

27 more to go. I could do it. I could stay ahead.

"Weather update." I radioed after another 3 laps.

"No change for the next 6-8 laps."

"And then?"

"Heavier rain."

"Okay." I sighed.

The track was slippery and I felt my car slide from left to right, right to left in every turn I took. Charles and Max in front were having the same issues, fighting each other hard. I slipped and hit a kerb hard, feeling how I was losing the rear, but managed to keep the car on track, giving Sainz the opportunity to come even closer.

"Check the floor."

"On it."

I waited anxiously for Pete’s reply, while trying my best to stay ahead of Sainz.

"No significant damage."

"Okay."

The next 4 laps Sainz caught up to me, trying to overtake me and I had to fight him off more than I liked. The rain was slightly getting heavier, my sight was getting worse. 20 more laps to go. And Sainz was now closer than ever.

"I don’t think I can fight him off much longer." I radioed.

"Lizzie, let him pass… you can catch up to him again. But with your tyres now, it’s too dangerous."

I didn’t answer. Giving up my position wasn’t what I wanted. Especially not to him. But destroying my tyres by fighting him off, having no grip in these conditions was indeed dangerous.

"Lizzie."

"Okay."

I clenched my jaw and drove to the left, making space for Sainz to overtake me, which he did immediately. I had a bad feeling when I saw him breeze past me and as if on cue his car was wavering, losing grip, his left rear tyre, touching my front tyre and I felt my car sliding to the left, trying my best to keep it on track but it was already too late. I lost all control, losing the rear entirely, spinning out, the wet track didn’t slow me down and by the time I reached the gravel my car was already spinning to fast and I prepared myself for the impact. The moment I hit the wall, pain erupted in my back and I screamed out. Panting heavily.

"Are you okay?" Pete radioed and I tried my best to calm down my breathing "Lizzie?"

"I- I ca-…" my voice broke, breathing staggered.

"Lizzie? Hey! LIZZIE! Can you hear me? Are you okay!" Pete shouted in my ear.

"I’m okay." I pressed out, hearing my blood rushing in my ears.

I was heaving. Hands shaking. A pain raging through my back like a wild fire. The pain in my neck and shoulders, mind numbing. I looked ahead, saw what was left of my car stuck in the wall, front tyres, hood, all gone.

"Stay put. The medical car and marshall’s are on their way."

"Pete?"

"Yeah, little one?"

"I can’t feel my legs."

Chapter 46 - winning a home GP is something special and making Lizzie win hers was one of my favourite things in this whole fic, as a German myself I miss having a German GP and most importantly a German driver in a big team who can actually fight for wins (sorry Nico 🙈) … what else happened? Oh, yeah… Belgium… 😬 I guess I’ll leave you hanging for a bit…

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru @shimmermotorsport @janeh22 @kahhorri @18754389 @chiliwhore @hellowgoodbye @queensassybitchsworld @harrysdimple05 @skynel09 @fangirlforever2000

All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram (or self made).

[thetravelingtyper]

Our Shattered Heart Interlude (Part 2.25) SR (GN! 'Heart' Reader x Taskforce 141)

Loading Track 1 - Work Song by Hozier (SImon RIley One Shot) Kept awake by Soap, Simon takes the time to recollect on a few things close to his Heart.

Warnings: Possible OOC of Simon, Suggestive Content, Cursing, Jealous and Possessive Simon, Konig being slightly unhinged lol

Part 1, Part 2, Part 2.50, Masterlist

As decided by the poll! Here is Simon. You don't need to read the other two parts for this I think but I recommend you do for context! Enjoy - Ash :D

Boys, workin' on empty

Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?

I just think about my baby

I'm so full of love I could barely eat

There's nothing sweeter than my baby

I'd never want once from the cherry tree

'Cause my baby's sweet as can be

She give me toothaches just from kissin' me

Simon Riley was a light sleeper if he got any sleep at all. Johnny helped but the Scot tended to talk in his sleep, disturbing him. Price had left that day to return to base but you and the men needed to remain for another two weeks. That day you gave the men an earful about their treatment of you.

You turned to Simon with a simmering fire in your eyes. You walked up to him, poked a finger into his chest, and cursed.

“You! Big trouble mister! You were the worst of you lot! Price got away for now but he’ll hear it soon!” 

Simon nodded, giving a gruff apology and taking your hand in his. You blinked and looked into his eyes. There you found a swirl of emotion restrained by his nature. He set a hand to your face and tilted your head up.

“I’m sorry dove. I was angry at you, more myself, for not being able to protect you. I should not have left you.”

Johnny sets a hand between Simon’s shoulders. 

You lean into his hand.

“It's ok Simon.”

And with that you let him be.

Simon shuffled out of his room quietly, making sure not to disturb Soap who rolled over, pulling into himself without Simon there. Stretching his neck, Simon red the clock, 2:46 am, he sighed, he was going to feel this tomorrow. The man padded down the hall, passing the sound of Gaz snoring in his room. He turned the corner into the kitchen. Opening the cabinet he reached for a glass and a bottle of bourbon. Sighing he poured himself a glass and leaned against the counter taking a sip. His memories kept him company.

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

He and Heart were on a duo mission in the Alps running intel for a botched mission. Everything had gone to shit when Ghost got shot. The shot went clean through, nicking nothing important but he collapsed with a yell from Heart.

“Shit Simon!.” Heart yanked him up and fled. 

The night was almost on you. You rushed to pad the wound the best you could, heart quivering. The kiss had changed things between you two but he didn’t speak on it. You had to think fast! Wait! Kortac! 

You grabbed your emergency phone and dialed the only person you could quickly reach. König. 

The operator had a safehouse in the Austrian Central Alps and you tried your luck…with success. König had picked up with a kurt, 

“Who is this? How did you get this number.”

“König it's me! Heart, I need help!”

His voice changed immediately,

“Schatz! Where are you?”

You responded with your coordinates and set Simon down against a tree, his groaning sharpening to a gruff laugh. You turn to him with wide eyes, his bandage having bled through. You curse, putting your phone in his hand to hold while you repack the would, burying the bloody bandages as it begins to snow.

“Schatz!” Königs voice echoes from the phone drawing Simon's sharp eye.

You try to take it from him but Simon grips the phone tighter.

“You called the Austrian?”

It's sharp, venomous even, his eyes trying to focus on you. You just gape at him, the sting of his voice carrying something you couldn't identify. You yank the phone from him while König confirms your location, he could be there in an hour. You praise him with thanks and try your radio again as the weather worsens. Nothing. You pace before you hear a gasp of pain. You turn to see that Simon has pulled himself up to lean against the tree.

“What in the fucking world are you doing LT?!?” 

He just glares at the phone. Arms reaching forward to jaggedly pull you to him.  The tactical vests kept you inches apart but the glower of his combat mask took up the entirety of your vision.

“You called König?” Simon hissed, having set your rifles aside he cusps your neck and pulled your face as close as he could with your helmets on. You pause before you simmer,

“You’re bleeding like a stuck pig Ghost!” 

You want to throw your hands up but his form entraps you. With strength you didn't know he could manage, he turns you both and pins you to the tree, breath heaving from the exertion. He grips the back of your neck with a gloved hand. 

“I don’t like him.”

You gawk at the man who’s form starts to sway,

“You got freaking SHOT! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? 

He chuckles deeply, caressing your neck, and his free hand reaching to lift his mask above his mouth. 

“What is this about Ghos-” You are cut off when he slams his lips against yours for the second time. 

Boys, when my baby found me

I was three days on a drunken sin

I woke with her walls around me

Nothin' in her room but an empty crib

And I was burnin' up a fever

I didn't care much how long I lived

But I swear I thought I dreamed her

She never asked me once about the wrong I did

You gasp into the kiss, Simon pinning you further and taking the moment to open the kiss. You shove against him and he grunts, parting with heavy breaths and dilated pupils.

“Simon! What, how, why? You've been shot this is not the freaking time!”

His head staggers to your neck, lips parting with a deep chuckle that reverberates against you. He presses a kiss to your exposed neck that has your legs quaking. Your hands push against him with a little more success, but he is stubborn.

“Stop.” It is a deep-voiced command you push anyway.

“You need to sit down Sir.” He groans at that, but your phone rings again igniting something fierce in Simon. You go to pull it out but he uses his free hand to pin yours back.

“What the fu-” He bites your neck and your head knocks back against the tree neck as the phone continues to ring. He tongues over the mark before tracing up your neck. You give a breathy whimper before looking into Simon's eyes. His pupils are blown but his face cripples in pain as the phone rings. You push him, finding he gives with, stumbling, his bandages reddening. 

You dash for the phone, grabbing it as Simon reaching for you collapses, clutching his side. You rush to grab him, answering Königs questions. 

“Simon!” He blacks out.

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

König arrives in 30 minutes, dressed in winter gear, and helps you to rewrap Simon and take him back to the safe house. You both rush into an open area with two single beds. König and you set Simon down and you are panicking. König grabs medical supplies while you work getting Simon’s equipment off. You strip his top off peeling the bloody compression shirt off and leaving his scarred abdomen open. You rewrap his wound and lean him back against the pillows.

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

Simon faded in and out, lured to moments of almost consciousness by your laughter. His eyes momentarily open, muddy eyes from the shot you have given him earlier. As he comes to, unable to move he sees König and you close together, sitting at the table and eating. Something deep in his gut, not nausea nor pain, burned as he saw König reach an arm around you. 

My babe would never fret none

About what my hands and my body done

If the Lord don't forgive me

I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me

When I was kissing on my baby

And she put her love down soft and sweet

In the low lamplight I was free

Heaven and hell were words to me

Night fell quickly as you rewrapped Simon and then used the shower, reappearing in a spare one of König’s shirts and your winter pants. You checked on Simon who was still out cold. Under the eyes of König you run a hand down his masked face, eyes tracing firm and scarred muscle. König then sees your neck his eyes darkening.

“Schatz”  

You turn to him in question.

“Are you and the Ghost together.” 

The question startles you and you look to the taller man with wide eyes. He takes the moment to stand, and to your surprise pulls off his sniper’s hood. Underneath was a handsome face, pale eyes, and dark brown hair. He reached back and undid his bun letting his hair fall. He steps forward, towering over you.

You stutter a no, a “I don’t Know.” 

König nods looking almost sagelike. He reads your body and eyes.

“It's complicated ja?”

You just sigh and nod, a hand running through your hair. You then sit down on the other bed and he joins you as you just spill it out. Everything, Soap, Gaz, Ghost and then Price. You go on for an hour just talking with König listening. As you end he sets a large hand on your knee in comfort as you collapse onto the bed with a huff. Your eyes turn to you and he smiles, making your breath hitch. 

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

Something in Simon's mind stirs, he shifts and feeling exposed his eyes open. He shifts up against the pillows he is propped against and his eyes seek you. What he sees makes him freeze. Your back is on the bed with an unmasked, lessly dressed König leaning over you. Your laughter chimed out. Simon's heart freezes seeing Königs hand on your knee before it lifts to hover over you. Ghost tears through him then something black and vicious. Simon practically throws himself up with a grunt, then he's on his feet. You shoot up, knocking into König whose eyes fly to the standing Lieutenant. 

“Back the fuck off of them.”

He barks the order as he steps forward rage balling his fists up and tensing his muscles. König chuckles and stands, putting himself between you and Simon. 

“What will you do Geist?” He says calmly, something in Königs brain raising in glee at a challenge. You wrap an arm around König and pull but the man doesn’t move.

“König! Stop!” But the man continues tempting Simon, like baiting a wolf.

“You can’t protect them, what can you and your team do if I..” König spins around and gives you a knowing look,

“Wha-” 

He grabs your face and presses his soft lips to yours. With you in shock, he deepens the kiss in a mock way. Simon snaps, lunging forward and tackling the bigger man as you step back in shock. König is strong but Ghost tears through Simon as rage and pent-up emotional adrenaline rush through him. He flips himself on top of the man, falling on top of him to the floor. His hand grabs for his knife and he pins König to the floor with a growl and a knife to his neck.

“Simon!” You yell it out but the man doesn’t move, dark eyes staring into König as then König laughs, a hearty sound that rumbles under Simon. His ice eyes gleam with delight. He had been wanting to test the famous Ghost. Simon, mind clear and now awake sees this then and stabs the knife into the wood floor next to König. You rush forward then wrap your arms around his bare chest.

“Simon that's enough.” Those possessive eyes then shoot at you in Königs shirt. He surges up off of König and crowds you, backing you up until you fall back onto the bed. He follows, his knee bracing on the other side of your thigh and hands, arms, and chest caging you in. König stays sprawled out watching the show. 

Simon's eyes burn into yours, something hot and possessive burns there. You gulp unsure what to do, but the position does something, sending a simmering heat to your belly. Simon breaths heavily, rage dissipating, his eyes catch the spot he marked on your next, and pleasure surges through him. His eyes flicker to König who watches with a smirk, he realizes then. It was a test. Simon’s eyes meet yours and you find your hands reaching for his face to try and comfort him, but he does something a lot more intimate. After pulling his mask up, His lids droop and he dips his mouth into you in a languid kiss. You moan into the kiss and he chases the sound, lowering his weight onto you. 

His hands run at the edges of Königs shirt possessively, Jealousy burning at his fingertips as they skim your skin but don't go under. No. Simon parts from your lips, tracing a kiss down your jaw and then to your neck as your arousal builds.

“Si-” He sucks at the junction of your neck that has you arching your back under him. He pauses then kisses there and hums against your skin as his arms work their way around you. 

König stands, turns, and enters the bathroom and Simon relaxes fully. 

He then, grabbing you, rolls so you're on his chest. The position allows you to finally take a deep breath and still your wildly beating heart. Simon runs a hand through your hair as you stare at him in wonder. His eyes soften before he tisks in pain, You try to get off him but his arms shoot out, muscles pulling you back to him.

“No, please stay.” 

His voice is soft, something tender and sweet. You look down at him and feeling a push from your heart, clenching so tightly it takes your breath, you kiss him. SImons eyes widen before closing as your hands brace his wound before traveling up tight muscle. You echo him earlier by then parting and tucking your face into his next in embarrassment. 

“No Dove, let me see you.” 

Simon murmurs and you pull back as he cradles your cheek. You see the adoration then, in a brief flash before the bathroom door has Simon's eyes becoming guarded again. You take the moment to roll off him and sit up. König reappears with the knife, standing with a smirk regarding you as Simon sits up. You stand to approach König but Simon stands and wraps you in his arms, pulling you flush against him. The Skull glowers at König but the man waves Simon off, offering his knife back by the blade. Simon reaches and takes the blade in silent agreement with the Austrian. You relax then in SImon’s hold as König flips off the light and gets into bed. 

“Goodnight Schatz,” he says as he turns his back to you too. 

Simon huffs, releasing you to lie down on the bed, pulling himself tenderly under the covers. To your surprise, he pulls his balaclava off. You go to get a wipe for his eye black but he just takes your hand and pulls. You sigh, murmuring a good night to König, and shuffle into bed minding Simon’s wound. He quickly pulls your back to him and engulfs you with his arms. You blush but as the actions of the day finally catch up to you you find yourself nodding off in your Simons arms. 

He presses a final kiss to the side of your head and after you fall asleep he murmurs a deep,

“I love you.”

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

SImon finishes his glass of bourbon as there is a noise. There is a quick light as you shuffle out into the kitchen. You then notice Simon.

“Si,” you yawn, “Why are you up?” 

He sets his glass aside. He opens his arms and you immediately come forward into them. You press a tender kiss to his jaw and he embraces you. 

“Just thinking Dove.”

He pulls you in for a secret kiss, fingers dancing down your arms and intertwining your hands,

“Just thinking.”

End Track

Taglist:

@ghostlythots, @00ops1e, @rafaelacallinybbay, @iloveslasher, @character---obsessed,

@ashy-kit , @fruitymoonbeams-blog, @my-amazing-nerdyness , @star-struck-universe , @br0ken-rec0rds

@buckysjuicyplums, @cod-z

[endthedream]

[9:46 am]

heeseung x reader (501 words)

masterlist

Heeseung smiles as he wakes up, eyes still closed, feeling the warmth of the morning sun on his back. He feels your smooth skin under his hands and can’t help himself but to pull you a bit closer to him, nuzzling his face into your neck.

He can hear Niki and Jake bickering loudly, Jay and Jungwon making breakfast in the kitchen and assumes that Sunghoon and Sunoo are probably out, taking their usual morning walk. But he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care, because all he can focus on is how good it feel to have you in his arms.

How good it feels not having to wake up at 5 am to practice, or be on a plane to who knows where. How good it feels to lay in his own bed instead of a strange one in a random hotel. How good it feels to not be stressed out, overworked with no sleep.

Heeseung genuinely feels good- happy even -relieved not to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders anymore and to finally be able to rest, with you. God, has he missed you. Your voice, your smile, your warmth, your smell. For the first time since yesterday Heeseung could see your face, your beautiful beautiful face, in real life instead of on the screen of his phone. He could hug you and tell you in person how much he loves you. And most importantly, kiss you again.

He missed the feeling of your lips on his own, the comfort they bring especially on the days where his mind is filled with his own demons. The moment you stepped into the dorm, it felt like everything Heeseung has been worried about for the past weeks has disappeared. With your mere presence you made him feel at ease, calm and so utterly comfortable.

So, when he opens his eyes for the first time this morning to see you already smiling up at him, Heeseung knows that this is where he belongs. Right here, with you in his arms, in his warm bed.

“Good Morning, handsome.”, you whisper, reaching a hand up to softly stroke away the purple hair on his forehead. Heeseung pulls you even closer, if that’s possible, squeezing your waist softly and kissing your cheek.

“Good Morning, my love.” He can’t help himself but smile. Smile at you, at his happiness, at this calmness in his heart and the tranquility in his head.

“You look happy.”, you say, voice filled with adoration for the boy in your arms. “I love seeing you like this.”

“And I love you. So much. You don’t even know, my love.” And he means that, with all his heart, all his soul. He means every word.

And you know that. In that moment you see the love he feels, you feel it radiating from his eyes, his body, his heart. And it fills you up to the brim, into your veins and holds you tight in its warmth.

“I love you too, my sweet boy. I love you so much.”

-

authors note

here a little something for you since I haven’t been able to post a longer story :) hope you enjoyed it