#weird brain thing tbh

[baconcolacan]

I just got off work, but I’m feelin really relaxed today, since I got to spend time with family.

Popping back into my tumblr though, I just gotta say, I’m really happy with the little bubble of people I managed to find here. My mutuals are so cool and silly, the people who followed me are really kind even if sometimes you guys can get a lil goofy, this lil internet space I burrowed into is just really really cool =7=

Maybe I’m just being a bit sappy as a carry over from spending time with loved ones, but yknow, I just wanna express some appreciation for the people who floated into my bubble. Thanks for all the fun ^^ I’m glad to have met you here! :D Hope we have more good times to come!

[entamewitchlulu]

once i was in a creative writing class in college, and in a bit of humor i wrote the line:

"Um," I said, eloquently.

And my teacher was so adamant that I had to remove it because "um is not an eloquent word, so it makes no sense" and i was like my brother in christ it's called Irony

[sebbyisland]

“Thanks for listening to me ramble” how do I explain my love language is having someone ramble about a random topic I’ve never heard of and am not personally interested in. I’m literally falling for you because it took ten minutes to explain your favorite napkin texture.

[moeblob]

Every single time I draw for an anime I think to myself "never again will I draw for an anime" and then I am proven wrong. So here, take my daughter Lulu.

[wis-art]

Women, so pretty, so shaped, i am so lesbian,,,

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

[nachosncheezies]

Mulder, Scully, and "sibling vibes"

So a few times lately I've remarked on the sibling energy I see in early Mulder & Scully, and I think perhaps it's misunderstood. I jokingly self-identified not long ago as "not a romo, not a noromo, but a secret third thing (delighted they ended up together but wishes the whole kiss kiss kiiiiiss! thing wasn't dominant forever and always)" This applies to all my fandoms fwiw. For me the friendships generally trump everything.

The other day I added this (among some other rambling) to one of @randomfoggytiger's excellent posts about Mulder and women:

To me, these two start out as best friends, almost a "sibling" relationship at first: Mulder has been looking for Samantha, "walking into that room" everyday for many more years of his life than he wasn't, and here comes this precocious, punchy little woman who says she's looking forward to being around him. She plays with him in the rain, she laughs at him, teases him and calls him "sucker", she listens to him and is eager to learn everything he can teach her. They squabble, but always stick together. She stands next to him with her little foot stuck stubbornly out to the side and her arms folded, or her little hands on her little hips, always exuding an attitude that's surprisingly large for her little body. When he looks at her it's at the top of her head. She's even the same age as Samantha. When she panics or gets scared she turns to him, and he wraps her in a blanket and tells her stories. I know it is often interpreted as flirting, but if you were to age them down, it could just as easily be a big brother who adores his little sister and a little sister who thinks her big brother hung the moon. My personal feeling is, it would be almost impossible for him not to notice commonalities between Scully and Samantha. Perhaps that's partly why he's so comfortable sharing Samantha's story with her.

To clarify, I don't think either saw the other as an actual or replacement sibling, and I don't see it as something that is remotely incompatible or icky regardless of where they ended up. Love's a lot of things and it can change and be all of it or none of it at once.

Not a person, but a pattern

Mulder and Scully were thrown together and immediately flung themselves about as far from home as you could get without crossing an ocean, at a time when there was no internet and a long distance phone call cost a million billion dollars (adjusted for inflation)(facetious). This is more than just long hours doing stakeouts or interviewing witnesses or writing profiles or joining sting operations or whatever it is that average partners (especially green-ass newbies from Quantico) might presumably be doing. They might as well have been at sea. They'd known each other for maybe a week and suddenly had to learn to not just work together but to live together, being each other's only company and support system, etc.

Watching the way they interact particularly during the pilot could be (and it seems almost always is) interpreted as crushes and flirting. I see that too, but I'm gonna toss that aside for a sec and ask you to imagine they are children, or at the very least that they're not looking to date (other people have written some very good posts about sex not being that important to them ever, or how they use it for self-flagellation (him) or rebellion (her) etc. And as fun as fanfic is, I agree with that take. For all their smouldering - both individually and together - they're remarkably sexless. But I digress. Just imagine that the search for a date or the possibility of sex is not part of the equation at this stage.)

They're both SO influenced and informed by the patterns they've been living all the way since childhood, as most of us are.

Scully is used to following strong male personalities, living to impress her dad, being a kid sister to a man who has strong opinions about how the world is or ought to be. She's extremely capable but very young for her long list of credentials (she's presumably gone from school to school to school without much lived experience), and they give her her very first field assignment with Fox Mulder. She's heard a lot about him. She's looking forward to working with him. This is probably nothing at all like what she expected when she went to Quantico, but she wants to distinguish herself so she'll go where she's asked and do her Very Best Job at it. But he immediately absconds with her and now she's doing something fun and new, and this man they've assigned her to is quirky and weird and possibly just bat-crap crazy, but in between it all he's incredibly intelligent and he's showing her the ropes and teaching her new things and she's just so excited to be here.

Mulder had to grow up way too fast, aged 12, and maybe suffered a sort of arrested development in that sense. He was once a big brother to a girl who was 8 years old and probably a bit of a brat, as precocious 8 year olds often are (I mean the first time we actually see her she called him a buttmunch and screamed in his face because she didn't get her way). They've sent him a partner who is a remarkable overachiever; she's a biophysicist and medical doctor, a Quantico graduate, and all under age 30. Her credentials include rewriting Einstein and her job responsibilities include "tattle tale". She's gonna challenge him at every turn, but she's green and earnest enough to want his to learn from his experience. She's following him and she's hanging on his every word and she's laughing at and with him. She asks a lot of questions and openly enjoys just being there with him, just being a part of it all.

Age them down 20 years and they could just be two kids playing in the woods and the rain. That doesn't mean they see their siblings in each other, but... to me, it doesn't not mean that either. It's patterns they've carried with them their whole lives. What I'm getting at is that that sort of sibling push-and-pull would be an extremely comfortable and familiar dynamic for them both to slip into, especially considering their isolation, and it's one which also lends itself to quick and easy affection. It's not the predominant feature of their friendship, but it's a starting place, and it ripples forward across time. (Imo it also informs the lack of romance for a number of years.)

The sibling vibes fade into the background after a few episodes (although I see shades of it popping up here and there through at least Darkness Falls), and it transforms into what becomes an easy, fast friendship, and then a deep, ride-or-die best friendship.

Of course, a twisted version of it is brutally resurrected and brought to the fore in season 2, and I think that more than anything is what scuppers a move out of denial or past anything apart from best friends until at least cancer arc, but that's a whole other post.

Thanks for readiiing 💕

[shikai-the-storyteller]

It's still so crazy to me that Pac made it canon that Felps saw Cell maul him in prison. I wonder who he hated more in that moment — the perpetrator or the bystander

[rubberduckyrye]

You guys ever think about the tragedy that is Junko Enoshima? That she wasn't a sadistic girl seeking out to hurt others for sadistic glee?

Because everything Junko did was her trying to emotionally abuse herself? That she wanting to feel something so badly that she hurt the people she loved most, and even brought about ruin to the world, simply to destroy herself with it?

[elizabethshaw]

trying to work out what exactly was going on in 73 yards

[nattikay]

wow…after drawing all my major ships from over the years recently I started thinking about the various hyperfixations/special interests from which they came…I had estimates for when each one was and how long it lasted, but out of curiosity I just went through to actually check some of the dates on when I was posting about them and some of my estimates were off, two in particular: Inuyasha and Trollhunters.

I’d estimated Inuyasha at lasting about five years. It actually lasted nearly six and a half.

I’d estimated Trollhunters at lasting just under five years, coming close to (my estimate of) Inuyasha but not quite beating it. It was actually just under three years, less than half Inuyasha’s actual number (this left me lowkey flabbergasted ngl, I could’ve sworn this one lasted at least 4 years?? but apparently not…)

Fwiw, Miraculous was the shortest of the bunch, lasting a little under two years (which was about in line with my estimate); while ATLA (the oldest of the ones I looked at (even older ones exist but would be much more difficult to track since that’s getting into my pre-internet days)) lasted a little under three, roughly the same as Trollhunters.

Avatar (blue people) is of course still ongoing, and will reach the 2 year mark in May…assuming, of course, my fixation doesn’t switch in that time…gosh darnit I hope it doesn’t, I hope it lasts a long time like Inuyasha did…not because of anything special about Avatar in particular, but because I’m simply tired of having it change every 2-3 years…hey brain how do I have a long one again…what is the secret…give me some consistency plz I beg…

[theirondragonrants]

This is a strange late night thought so hear me out:

this Emma D'arcy

With this haircut specifically gives me.... a very specific vibe...

I can't explain how or why I got here, I just did

[not-poignant]

It never used to be, but put like 200~ written sex scenes behind you, and one day as you keep trying to make them better and better they suddenly just become more challenging than the average action scene. (Because they are a kind of action scene).

I relate to this on a spiritual level. When I've done something enough times and have become good at it it starts to get difficult again. It's kind of a paradox. But I've learned that once I let go of always trying to improve something I'm already good at or 'make it better' I actually rediscover my enjoyment.

Your stories are some of the best I've read. And your smut is amazing because there's always worldbuilding and character development behind it. Perhaps I'm biased because I'm demisexual and I need emotional components to enjoy the smexy stuff 😅 But it honestly doesn't bother me that you don't write pure smut anymore.

Obviously i hope you don't stop writing it completely (I'd be sad if you only wrote gen fics going forward but I'd still read and love them) but you gotta do whatever's best for you. And if that means no longer writing sex scenes then so be it.

But just know that you don't have to get better at it because you're already the cream of the crop as far as I'm concerned.

Maybe you just need a break from writing that sort of stuff? You might rediscover your love for it after some time away. Just food for thought.

Anyway... looking forward to whatever you write in the future. We'll support you no matter what <3

Hi anon,

This is super kind, and I have definitely taken lengthy breaks from writing erotica (literally almost over a year). In fact two of my main stories over the last few years - Falling Falling Stars and The Nascent Diplomat haven't had smut in them partly for that reason.

Unfortunately it's still just a struggle. We all have things that don't come easily to us. I can generate characters as easily as breathing, and dialogue / character voice is an instinctive, natural skill. But erotica is just... yeah, challenging.

I definitely don't plan on stopping writing it! A bunch of my stories right now have smut in them and are going to have smut in them going forward. :D

I can't see me ever just writing gen honestly.

But yeah I've taken very very long sabbaticals from writing smut. The reality is even these days I can go 2-3 months without writing any, which is kind of amazing, because I write over 100k words in those 2-3 months. So there's definitely breaks happening.

I don't know that I am good at erotica, though I appreciate that you think so! I'm a bit unconventional re: how lengthy my erotica scenes are (and how character-growth focused they are lol), but AO3 taught me and I prefer AO3 sex scenes over all others.

...I wandered away from this post for 5 hours and then came back like 'oh you didn't press post to this yet?' so anyway sadlfkjjas I may be having problems writing smut for a wHOLE lot of additional reasons too lmao

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

tomorrow is my first day back to work and I'm a lil nervous

I haven't been able to get anything written for here bc I've been trying to get a couple other things written (updating my Bill Cipher redemption fic and starting a Gyutaro x reader x Daki because I make poor life choices)

but I'm on light duty for a month, basically just sitting at the register checking people out, unable to do any stocking or anything bc I'm not allowed to lift anything over 15 pounds so I can't lift totes, bend much, or reach much, so I'm allowed to bring something to do in between customers... maybe I'll get some writing done? I feel as if I'll be slacking off bc that's how my brain works

but you know what, I kill myself for that store normally, I don't work full time simply because I can't afford medical insurance if I did, but even working only part time I give my all while I'm there, I'm not someone who slacks off. so if I'm healthfully and approvedly permitted to slack off and take it easy for a month, I guess I'll take it (... plus, I mean, I'll still be working, just light duty, it's not like I'll show up and get paid to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I'm still gonna be ringing out customers)

ANYWAY MY POINT IS-

get those last requests in! after I get home from work tomorrow, I'll be closing the askbox and won't open it back up till this batch is finished and I swear I mean that this time 😂

[muirmarie]

I got the screenshot right before I went to sleep last night =)

I know this will seem like a lot to some people and very little to some others haha, but! It's silly to compare it to anyone else, since we all write in different fandoms over the years and write different types and lengths and amounts of fics.

So this is really just me thinking about the number itself, and like. Kinda wild that 30,000 times someone had pushed a little button to say they liked one of my fics!

Kissing all your faces xoxoxo

[kageyahma]

watching/reading haikyuu for the first time when it felt like it was the only thing that saved me is a little sad as an indication for how i felt during that period of my life but also it's kinda beautiful ??