#irl friendships work differently from online friendships for me

[baconcolacan]

I just got off work, but I’m feelin really relaxed today, since I got to spend time with family.

Popping back into my tumblr though, I just gotta say, I’m really happy with the little bubble of people I managed to find here. My mutuals are so cool and silly, the people who followed me are really kind even if sometimes you guys can get a lil goofy, this lil internet space I burrowed into is just really really cool =7=

Maybe I’m just being a bit sappy as a carry over from spending time with loved ones, but yknow, I just wanna express some appreciation for the people who floated into my bubble. Thanks for all the fun ^^ I’m glad to have met you here! :D Hope we have more good times to come!

[glitterghost]

How could I possibly be upset with the past events of my life when it's all led me here. To all of this & all of you.

[rubberbandballqueen]

had one of them "quarterly work meetings" just now and what i have learned is that i am severely lacking in the genre of social script that dictates how to behave when first joining a group of people you will be working with regularly from that point on

[noxtivagus]

IT'S ALREADY WEDNESDAY !?! DAMN 🥺 thursday basically now bcs it's just turned midnight here omg.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Obkk modern au where where Kakashi and Obito are online friends who have never seen eachothers faces. It's a years long friendship (and mutual silent crush) where they've helped eachother through what was truly the darkest parts of eachothers lives.

But irl they also happen to know eachother from childhood due to having gone to the same schools and shared the same classes, and they fucking DESPISE the other. You can not stick them in a room without someone starting a fight.

When they interact irl, play into specifically the early dynamics of obkk, with kind of superficially happy/dumb Obito and a "follow the rules to the letter" grumpy overachiever Kakashi

But when they're online, play more into the older obkk dynamic.

Where Obito shows that he has a pretty big mean streak/humor and a serious talent for playing dumb; where he overlays his happier side irl for just social reasons.

While Kakashi shows he's actually super lazy and imperfect with most other factors of his life outside of work/school (and ofc downplays his actual work ethic when it comes to work/school, framing himself as doing bare minimum when he should really do more (bc he genuinley believes that)) and has a pretty wicked sense of humor himself, a love of over-romantic, fluffy porn, and a habit of using endless "cute" emotocons

Kk: Did my proposal today, it was so bad... I really slacked off this time on it. I was so nervous they'd tell me no (｡﹏｡")

Kk: I guess the other presentations must have been pretty bad too because they picked mine anyways? I feel so lucky (╥﹏╥)

Ob: it's ok even if you tried your best!! Im proud you were able to do even as much as you did.

Ob: I'm glad you got it, at least one of us won their proposal today. That jackass had a fucking 30 slide detailed slide with 6 DIFFERENT PIE CHARTS and a scheduled water break inbetween. Fucking kissass

Kk: nooo im sorry ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀)

Ob: it's whatever. Just glad you got the thing :)

Ob: want me to kill your boss tho.

Kk: lol

Kk: I'll help hide the body ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

And then one day Obito does some sort of very mean prank on Kakashi. And it goes uhh. Badly.

I mean, badly for Kakashi. Obito thinks it went great!

That is till he gets home and finds his best friend for a decade, and crush for even past that decade, texting him about a very specific mean prank that got pulled on them.

Wait. No. Wait. WAIT. FUCK.

So like. Obito is a bit conflicted now. He doesn't know what to really do here??? Like. What if it ruins everything with his best friend??? But also hey best friend why the FUCK are you such a BITCH.

But also also, suddenly Obito is recontextualizing SO many of their interactions— from Kakashi suffering the devistating loss of his father when he was especially annoying, to explanations of why he reacted certain ways. And oh my god Obito is... also a kind of a bitch???

Obito has NO idea what to do and is just swinging so violently back and forth on what are really his only two options.

And sometimes he's like gleefully feeling vindictive bc after arguing with irl Kakashi, online Kakashi is ranting about "that same asshole again" at work, so Obito is like "I KNEW it was getting to u, haha you're NOT better than me after all!!!"

But then later he feels kinda bad about it bc like. Aw wait no he actually might have genuinley hurt the person he loves. And also he doesn't want to lose getting to see the real Kakashi, a mix of both of his masks, by fucking this up and choosing wrong.

Anyways Kakashi finally somehow figures it out on his own, they fight, they make up, they make out.

The end yay happy ending

There's an alternate universe where neither of them every found out about eachother and continued to be friends online and hate eachother to escalating degrees offline. But one day they start to slowly shift in dynamics. Irl they get closer and online they get so much angrier and more distant. Till we've swapped and now online they just have this GIANT fallout but offline they're actually in love now. And this continues till they're about to get married/no longer on speaking terms with eachother. And so on their wedding day they reach out again online but ONLY to hate on eachother like "oooo fuck you I'm so happy rn I just got MARRIED."

"Oh yeah you bitch??? So did I. And my husbands better than anything your ugly ass could ever pull"

"FUCK YOU MY HUSBANDS FUCKING AMAZING AND YOURS IS PROBABLY LOOKS AND ACTS LIKE SHIT"

"OH YEAH????"

"YEAH!!!"

"PROVE IT!"

And then they very sharply turn and take simultaneous photos of eachothers furious faces and then angrily, instinctivley press send.

And then they stop. And then they have a moment of dead silence.

And then they begin to have an actual, physical fist fight in front of the uncut wedding cake with ALL of their friends and families watching. And the photographers with their very ready cameras.

There was a lot of cake.

Yeah that was ah uhh. Interesting

The good news at least is now they have a photo of them fist fighting like they want to kill eachother while covered in wedding cake in a frame that says "happy marriage <3" on it, and they like to joke about it (to many, many peoples horror)

The end yay happy ending x2

If I were to write this fr I think I'd legally have to write both versions bc both are excellent

[thetiredstuff]

This is just mostly a handy little post for me but I asked people to rec me some destiel AU best friends to lovers fics and this is what I got:

Recs from ltleflrt:

okay, cupid. by orange_crushed On Air by wincechesters Just Turn Around and Go by @porcupine-girl Version 2.0 by Elizabeth1985 aka @cocklesheadboop Ignore the Butterflies: Best Friend Advice from Dean Winchester by impatient14 A Match Made (and Misunderstood) by surlybobbies More Views. More Money. by herbivoredinosaur Remember When by VioletHaze aka @scones-and-texting-and-murder When In Vegas by Dmsilvis & TobytheWise

Recs from doctorprofessorsong

One of my favorite fics of all time is Evangelist by @valleydean. It's really enemies to friends to lovers but the enemies part becomes friends pretty quickly because they are deeply obsessed with each other. One of the classics if you haven't read it is To Build a Home. Childhood friends who broke up and find themselves back in each other’s life. It is very angsty but they have a lifelong friendship so you get a lot of childhood and teenage friendship moments. If I may self recommend, I just wrote Can't Fight the Moonlight in which they are in this post canon partnership and both want to add sexual intimacy but the partnership is soft so you get some really fun platonic intimacy. It's not AU, obviously, but may have something of what you want. Seraph by @dothraki-shieldmaiden is a superhero au where they are friends and roommates to lovers. It has great world building. More than Kisses by @friendofcarlotta is a friends to lovers epistolary romance. Dean and Cas are pen pals and they share an absolutely gorgeous emotional intimacy. Tiamatv has a few that fit the bill. I'm gonna mention Marchen because I love the world built in that one. Dean Winchester is a prince locked in a tower. Feel free to also skim my fic recs. @riversrecs

Recs by castiellesbian:

tiamatv's "It's the End of the World (As We Know It)" is a friends to enemies to lovers if that counts? They were childhood best friends in that one "A Midterms Night's Dream" by Englandwouldfall is an au where they're roommates (oh my god they were rommates). "In Some Sacred Place" by schmerzerling is a good one where they're friends throughout most of the fic, but it's kind of depressing overall

Recs from porcupine-girl

Just Turn Around And Go (roommates-slash-best-friends): https://archiveofourown.org/works/4228830 Like four weddings and a funeral but without the funeral (Sam POV, Sam is clueless and doesn’t realize they’re together): https://archiveofourown.org/works/6225625 Go Down With This Ship (online fandom besties, don’t realize they know each other irl): https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023642

Rec by trampledundercas

#i thought of ‘ready to fall’ by lemonsorbae on ao3

A whole bunch of recs from dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you

A Tale of Two Tropes by Amelia_Clark (E, 7k) As You Walk On By by MercyBraavos (E, 23k) Are We Any Different? by LeviathanBlue, SerpentCountess (T, 41k) More Than Kisses by  FriendofCarlotta  (E, 29k) things i knew when i was young by stormwarnings  (T, 16k) Alright  by  turningthepages  (T, 46k) To Build a Home by intothesilentland  (M, 383k) When In Vegas  by  Dmsilvis, TobytheWise (E, 16k) The Ocean Between Us  by  noxsoulmate  (E, 27k) Room for Two (The Mattress AU) by  almaasi  (E, 14k) Honey-Baked  by  mishaminion69, sydkn3e (E,  89k) The Ones We Choose  by  lightmyway  (E, 82k)

EDIT: MORE:

Recs by bexfangirlforlife:

The Graveyard Shift by riseofthefallenone. PurgatoryJar Evangelist by embrancsxx0 Stay with me Sweetheart by Mandalarose We are what we pretend we are by tricia_16 Tricks of the Trade by Trenchcoat_Impala

Recs by impaledbeetle:

okay, cupid by orange_crushed Seek to Know You Better (E) by ahurston Après (E) by Imogenbynight Here's a couple aus that i really really enjoy that aren't necessarily best friends to lovers: spirit of the west (M) by teen_dean Parachutes (E) by chaoticdean (this one literally changed my life it is so good) And This, Your Living Kiss (M) by opal_bullets (again, this is life changing) Roll With It (E) by saltnhalo (this is a The Proposal (movie) au) Shut Up (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is) (E) by kototyph

Recs by butch--dean:

spirit of the west by teen-dean (everyone should read this 90's horse girl dean au where he befriends cas, a local veterinarian) I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart) by unicornpoe (I am a sucker for all "cas using dean as a vessel" fics) Après by imogenbynight (surely everyone has read this? dean and cas in paris what more can you ask for) under the midnight sun by northernsparrow (dean is the caretaker of a research station in the arctic and cas is a mysterious bird researcher) (I also rec you can keep holding on by this author but be warned that it is very grief-driven - but it is an in-depth study of the way they care for each other) though the course may change by imogenbynight (fake dating AU at a couple's retreat - another one that everyone has probably read but is so worth mentioning in case you haven't) there's no cell service in the afterlife by screamsintothesun (cas gets back from the empty and his phone blows up with dean's voicemails & texts) Gold in the Edges of Our Vision by SewingNatural (dean and cas eat peaches together on a hot summer evening. The writing style on this one is really really lovely) these are just a few from my bookmarks but also there is a really good rec list here & here (this one has a link to a specific friends to lovers list here) that I refer to often when looking for new fics/authors to dig through!!

Recs by mercurialkitty for some reason tumblr won't allow me to add them to my post so just click on their name to go to their post!

These are all the ones i've gotten up til now but will def edit if I get any more. If you see this post and think of a Destiel AU best friend to lovers fic that isn't on here or just a Destiel AU (no abo) fic that isn't on here: PLEASEEEEEE GIVE ME ALL THE DESTIEL AU FIC RECS (no abo)

Also i didn't tag the people who recommended it cuz I don't wanna annoy them but I linked back to all of their original posts or comments!

A hugeeeeeeee thank you to everyone who replied to my annoying messages for fic recs cuz I really really appreciate it. thank you all so so so much!!!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WBITA if i told my mom to stop watching kdramas and get off the internet.

I [20F] have been increasingly frustrated with my mother [44F] for a very stupid and hypocritical reason. We're pretty close, with her mostly raising me on my own and all that, but we're very different people and often clash on a lot of things. Despite that, I like hanging out with her and telling her about stuff and vice versa. She also works from home, so we're around each other very often since I don't work rn.

The problem is that for the last month or so she's gotten very into kdramas and youtube summaries of manhwas and all that. I am not trying nor claiming to be a mental healthcare professional, but I am 99% sure she has some type of undiaognosed autism (like once she told me that for most of her life she didnt how to show or feel emotion and she would copy other people arround her and we had an argument about how that is Not The Common Human Experience. Among other things she's a neat freak, blunt, has told me before that she has very bad intrusive thoughts and so on) . This is relevant bc another one of her quirks is that she can become obsessive with something Very Easily. She cannot help herself from bingwatching shows, speedreading through books, She Has To Finish A Task Before Anything Else In This One Specific Order. This is serious, she geniunely gets angry or frustrated about any sort of interruption. Normally this is fine for me to work around, but the reason I am here with this ask is bc it's gotten worse.

Every time I go and try to talk to her, she's got her headphones on, watching a manhwa video (her headphones are bad bc they're work headphones so I can hear what she's listening to). 90% of the time I interrupt her, she does the biggest sigh, fixes me with a dead stare, and acts dimissive. At night, where she would usually hangout in the living room watching idle TV, she now goes straight to her room to watch kdrama's in bed, and her room is where she works from too. The latest development is that she's stopped eating in the livingroom during her work breaks too, which was the one time of day I could hang out with her while she's on the clock. She instead asks me to bring her food to her room and once again, on her personal laptop, watching manhwa summaries.

This, on top of my own personal declining mental health and the fact that sometimes I feel like our roles are reversed (I do any chore she asks me around the house, I cook for the entire house, I am the one sent to do grocery shopping etc while she goes out with her friends) I don't mind this usually, she is my mom, I am unemployed, and she does work a 9 to 5 even if it is from home. But now it stings a lot. The part that makes me think I am the asshole is the fact that the way she is acting right now is the exact same thing she used to scold me on before. "Take off those headphones, stop only hangin out in your room, notice the world around you" and I am still a bit like that. But I feel like I've changed. I finished highschool during the pandemic and quarantine and it fucked me up, not having the strongest friendships irl since I live in a fairly conservative country and I am very outwardly queer and stuff. But I've made an effort to start talking to her, to hang out with her, to help around the house. I was and still half am in the same behavioral pattern she is in right now, but I feel like I've made the effort to not wear headphones so often so I can hear if she calls me, to leave the door to my room open etc. It feels like minor things, ik.

I will also say, while I spend a lot of time online and on my phone/laptop, I do a diversity of things. I draw, I watch youtube videos, I talk and play games with my friends, I read, etc. Things I don't mind pausing. My mom, all she does, is ocasionally scroll through instagram, respond to messages, and watch youtube manhwa summaries. It is all that she does. And she acts like I've come in yelling during one of her meetings every time I interrupt her.

The problem here is, I am afraid that if I bring this up with her, that I will find out the change in behaviour I think I made would be invisible to her and that I would be the biggest hypocrite. And I do not want another yelling match as we have had several in the past on similar subjects, where I think I've changed but she doesn't.

Another one, it seems to make her happy. She laughs, and seems to be geniunely invested. Her new workplace is stressful and the work that she has to do is complicated, and I am glad she's found something to destress her and again. I do the same thing, I hole myself up in my room and spend time alone, why am I now mad at her for doing the exact same thing, right? But she's stopped listening to me. I tell her about things, she dismisses me bc she was in the middle of a video, and then comes calling for me because "Why haven't you done x y z Why is x y z here Why are we missing x y z" despite me having told her. I've suggested to her to watch some longer youtube videos together, which is usually our bonding method, and she'll agree. How that usually went was that I would wait until she called me since its her schedule we work around or that I pop into the living room and her seeing me would remind her. Now, again, she barely leaves her room. She just watches those videos and those shows. Nothing else. Works, sends out the roomba to vaccum every day, either gets her own food or yells for me to do it for her, and thats it. Checks on her plants maybe, does one or two chores that I haven't done. Back to her manhwas.

So , WIBTA if I confronted her about this and told her to stop? It risks another yelling match between us, it is hypocritical of me to do so bc I am the same. I am not gonna pretend I don't also become a hermit and hole myself up in my room. But idk. And it seems to be a geniune interest for her and it makes me happy, even tho in this whole situation I feel abandoned by my mother. Which sounds very stupid and dramatic but. Oh well.

What are these acronyms?

[staybabblingbaby]

Felix Tinder AU (First Date Part) A1 D1

[Caution: These are not full fics, or even full parts of fics for some, these are part of my writing progress archive!]

Concept: You match with what you think is a Stray Kids fan account on Tinder. You get along great with the account's owner, and think it's probably your most successful match to-date. Little do you know who's actually behind the screen...

Word Count: 1,543

Notes: I've avoided posting this one for so long because I've ended up doing something completely different, and it's probably going to end up as a hybrid SMAU for the actual thing. Plus, I didn't know Felix was religious when I wrote this and now it feels kind of disrespectful... Still! That's the purpose of the Archive! To see the writing in all of it's stages! So it's going up. There is no sequential part rn, but there is another attempt I will be posting soon that's VERY different.

Warnings: Talking about Religion and Parasocial relationships at one point.

Leave me comments or questions or anything! Love hearing from folks <3

Masterlist | Next Part (Coming soon!)

As you pull to a stop in front of the fanciest hotel you’ve ever seen in your life, you can’t help but wonder how you’d gotten here. Feeling small and dirty in your beat up little car, you pull out your phone. Tinder’s fire-y little logo taunts you as you pull up the chat you need.

Ah, yes. Tinder. The root of all your problems, honestly. Not actually, but it feels like it right this second.

It had all started a few weeks ago. You were going through one of your lonely phases, where you started trying to join hobbyist groups and downloaded every dating app in existence in desperate attempts to at least make a friend. You’d do this just about every year or so, despite the fact that you were never able to make close or long lasting relationships through it, platonic or otherwise.

You’d always end up too busy with work or burn out your social battery way too early into a friendship to be passing up the opportunity to hang out. Not to mention quickly getting overwhelmed with the dating apps and retreating from them post-haste. It was a vicious cycle of loneliness and social exhaustion that you hadn’t figured out how to escape yet.

Tinder happened to be one of the dating apps you’d downloaded. Though you always had ‘NO HOOKUPS’ in all caps at the start of your profile, Tinder had always had great results for you in terms of matches. You’d met several long and short-term friends through the app, though no romantic prospects as of yet. Probably not ever, given Tinder’s nature, but you’d remain hopeful, if doubtful.

It had been during your initial binge-swiping that you’d noticed a funny profile. With just a cute Bbokari picture and a few video game memes in their gallery, the fully filled out profile and simple name, ‘Felix’, had felt intriguing. It had seemed just a bit backwards for what you recall Tinder being all about, regardless of how complicated the profiles got.

‘Travelling the US for a couple months, let’s cross paths!’ read the first line of the profile. You’d weighed the pros and cons of potential long distance and immediately decided that you didn’t care. Your profile was set for friends, anyways, and you‘d long had more internet friends than irl ones.

You’d swiped without anymore thought and lo’ and behold you’d matched immediately. Still riding the surge of social energy that came with deciding you’re desperate enough for dating apps, you’d decided to open with a little joke.

‘So, is this a SKZ fan account on Tinder or something? bc i could b into that lol’

You probably should have expected the immediate reply, seeing as you’d made your account all of 30 minutes prior and he’d swiped on you first, judging by the immediate match. Of course he was online. It’d still caught you off guard though.

‘Something like that lol. You a STAY?’

‘something like that :p’ ‘enough of one 2 have a bunch of their songs on my playlist, but that’s all i’ll say on that’

‘aw c’mon, who’s your bias?’

‘nuh uh, i’ve said enough. k-pop babble requires level 3 friendship’

‘lol alright, i’ll ask how your days been then’ ‘How’s your day going?’

The rest was, as they say, history. The two of you had really hit it off and kept chatting even as you quickly grow overwhelmed and stop your swiping crusades. You tell him about your forays into building a social life and, when that doesn’t pan out, about your latest crochet projects. He, in turn, tells you that he and his friends are traveling all over the US for work over the next couple of months and provides you with silly hotel room anecdotes.

If you never thought more deeply about the coincidence of a guy named Felix having a Bbokari picture on his Tinder profile, well, there were millions of STAYs worldwide. It only made sense that there was at least one Felix bias named Felix out there.

It’s only a few days later that you feel solid enough in your budding friendship to ask a burning question.

‘Not to switch topics (i’m sure my crochet rants r riveting), but can i ask a question?’

‘(They absolutely are) sure!’ ‘I retain my right to silence tho ;P’

‘lol fair ennough’

‘I was just wondering y you don’t have any pics on here?’ ‘I’m p convinved ur not a serial killer by now’

‘I could be, you never know!’ ‘stranger danger’

[pause represented either by text or in fake text tbd]

‘i’m just shy’ ‘I like to talk before anything else’

‘That’s fair’ ‘I’m good at talking lol’ ‘you may have noticed im a bit of a yapper’

‘lol’ ‘yeah, i like it :D’

You had to pretend very hard not to be flustered after that conversation. And also try very hard not to examine why that simple acknowledgement sent your heart fluttering.

You’d quickly switched the subject back to ranting about how black yarn was the devil and despairing about your lack of ability to count. You may be minorly allergic to serious conversations, but Felix hadn’t seemed to mind.

Another week goes by, Felix keeps you updated on his cross-country adventure and you whine about how much you envy his job for letting him travel. He laughs you off and retorts with how exhausting it gets. He seems to be genuinely enjoying the hell out of whatever it is he’s doing though, so you don’t take him too seriously.

As time goes on your conversations get deeper. It’s towards the end of a conversation about religion, belief systems, and community that something shifts between you, ever so slightly.

‘ok but like’ ‘and hear me out here’ ‘religion is a parasocial relationship with a being of dubious existence’

‘lol what?’

‘No but fr!’ ‘ok so, like’ ‘listen it’s like k-pop idols, right?’

‘right?’

‘LISTEN, ok, so you know how, like, idols are basically manufactured to build a parasocial relationship with fans?’ ‘to the point some fans are actually insane about it?’

‘I’m well aware, yes’

‘Well religion is the same thing, i mean, think about it!’ ‘I have not met a devout Christian who wasn’t a lil insane abt their relationship with God’ ‘some are rlly nice abt it, but they literally say “our holy father who art in heaven” and call themselves his children’ ‘THAT is a parasocial relationship!’ ‘It’s the same w idols, right?’ ‘except the relationship is dating or friends or whatever image theyre curating’

‘right’

‘and think about it this way ok’ ‘the reason parasocial relationships are treated with cuation despite our predisposition to them as humans in the digital age is because they get dangerous when people delude themselves into thinking its real’ ‘It’s the same thing with religion except theyre encouraged 2 believe its all real in an attempt to instill them with certain morals’ ‘That’s how you get religous extremests’

‘I hadn’t thought of it that way’

‘and don’t get me wrong! I eat that shit up. I’m on bubble and all sorts. it’s just a facinating parallel between religon and fan spaces and the communities they create.’ ‘some fandoms are more organized than some churches i’ve seen’

‘i think this is the first time you’ve mentioned k-pop since we started talking’ ‘so you’re on bubble, huh? interesting’

‘Noooo my babbling has betrayed me!’ ‘I always knew it would T^T’

‘lol i still wanna know who your bias is’

‘you’ll die wondering’

‘well, then, what are your thoughts about meeting an idol?’

‘what is this, an interview?’

‘maybe’

‘lol ok’

‘i mean, in the vein of all fans, i’d be thrilled? ig?’

‘ig?’

‘Well, i’m kinda scared lol’ ‘idols intimidate me’

‘aw why are you scared?! i’m sure they’re lovely’

‘lol they’d have to b xD’ ‘idk man they just scare me! If i saw an idol in the wild i’d flee, no hesitation’ ‘poof, gone’

‘lolol imagine that poor idol saw you book it the other direction’

‘they’d survive lol’ ‘but nah, yeah, i’d be thrilled to meet an idol but i’d pass out i think’

‘well don’t do that’

‘listen, strangers scare me enough, attractive strangers that i admire very much? terrifying’

‘fair enough ig’ ‘so you wouldn’t talk to an idol if given the chance?’

‘y r u so interested? this is a weird line of question’

‘i’m just curious!’

‘i mean, depends on the context? a fan sign or something i’d probably b fine, if a nervous wreck, but like’ ‘in public?’ ‘I’d prolly keep my distance’ ‘like’ ‘Idols deserve their privacy too, yknow?’ ‘nerves aside, leaving them tf alone would just be the polite thing’ ‘idols are people too, yknow? I try not to forget that, regardless of how godly their music’

‘I agree’ ‘I think they’d appriciate that’

‘right? and, like, if i ever met an idol i’d have to confront the reality that they themselves are real, yknow?’ ‘it wouldn’t make me less of a fan but i’d def feel weird about several fan activities’

‘lol like what?’

‘wouldn’t you like to know weather boy?’

After that conversation, you couldn’t put your finger on it, but something had shifted in your friendship.

[pleucas]

First, I just wanna say that your art got me kicking my feet in bed like a teen girl who got a text from her crush. Words can't describe the beautiful artwork you created so all I could do is squeal ><

Second! I do wanna ask, as a digital artist, what do you think needs improvement in the art community?

ack tysm, glad you like my work <3 <3 means a lot fr

secondly....;

this is a bit of a broad and cheesy answer, but i think we could all do with more mutual support, particularly right now. smth i've had to comprehend by being online and also just doing art things irl is that the art community is fuckin maaaasssive. it's also very disjunct and separated into little bubbles of habits/spaces. i'm actually primarily a traditional painter (gouache and acrylic my two true loves), but some 6k ppl know me as Literary Homeless Canines Soukoku Digital Artist. from my exp, the traditional art online community is very different from the traditional art irl community, both of which are also very different and separate from the online digital art community... & those are just the little bubbles that i'm familiar with, but there are also sculptors, gallery artists, printmakers, graffiti artists, animators, designers, illustrators, fabric artists, etc...

but i think esp rn, we're all facing very very similar struggles. the world is particularly messy (and artists historically are the copers of that, even if it's by making fandom ship art on tumblr dot com), basically all our respective industries are kinda unreliable and unstable, and ofc AI "art" is becoming a thing. the separation and at times deliberate elitism between spaces is reaaallly disheartening to see, because we're basically dividing into distinct groups which makes us 2ez to take down. so yeah guys power of friendship, stay aware that shit's kinda goin down and that we are superior in our voice & numbers ALWAYS !!! support artists of all kinds

ty for sending in an ask :) this too, is support, and it means a lot. keeps us all goin

[minivulpix14]

Why I don’t use Ao3 and why I get uncomfortable around it….

I feel like I should explain myself. No one forced me to, I just feel like explaining in case someone gets concerned when I go quiet whenever Ao3 is brought up….

A few years ago I knew this person… I had a huge crush on them. I would have done anything for them and I did. I did everything to make them happy and to show them how much I cared about them. But they didn’t care…. They just used me. I’m not going to go into everything that that happened in that “friendship” but it ended with them ghosting me.

So how does Ao3 play into this? They use to send me a lot of fanfics (most of them from Ao3). And the way my brain works is that it associates different things with different people. So Ao3 was associated with this person and after what happened between us I started avoiding things that I associated with them, which included Ao3 (and other things).

I have heard about so many amazing Cotl stories on Ao3 (including The Rehabilitation of Death by @bamsara ). I want to read them but everything time I just look at the logo millions of memories rush through my head and it leaves me feeling hollow inside. Maybe one day I will fix this and be able to go back on Ao3 again, but until then I will probably not be reading any cotl fics for a while.

Not everything that happened between me and this person was their fault, I made mistakes too. But now that they are pretty much gone from my life I have been doing a lot better. I have an amazing girlfriend who I love so much and who loves me back just as much, I have friends, irl and online, who I know I can talk to, and an amazing cotl community where I can be myself.

Thank you

[dudeshusband]

I know having people talk to you from behind a screen isn't fulfilling, and definitely doesn't make up for the love you should be receiving from friends and family irl, but I promise I really only mean the best when I say I care about you. Maybe it's a drop of ink next to an ocean of water, but that's the best I can do and i want to give you that much.

And I don't think you're being unreasonable, I just think there's a difference between what is presently happening and what is speculation on the future. Saying "I am lonely" isn't unreasonable, it's your feelings and that's completely valid, I'm not trying to argue with that. But saying "we wouldn't be friends if we met irl" is self-derisive speculation and honestly comes across as a little... defeatist, maybe? That's not the word I want, I don't mean it to sound that harsh, but I think the part we may find "unreasonable" is the way you brush most of our attempts to comfort you off as "well you wouldn't care" when at the core of it, do you really know we wouldn't? You're assuming we'll stop caring because that's the value you place on yourself, but that doesn't mean we place the same value on you. You're your own worst critic, and I promise that voice in your head is not the same voice we all hear when we think about you. I think you're an intelligent, caring, and genuinely thoughtful person, and whether you believe it or not, I really DO think we would be friends irl

I know it probably doesn't help as much as I'd want it to, but I'm not sure what else I can do. It really hurts to see you beat yourself up, especially when that turns into this projection about how you expect to be treated. I want to be your friend. Online and irl. I wish I could know you in real life, because you seem like a genuinely interesting person and someone I would like to know.

And this isn't coming from nowhere, by the way. I was intensely isolated during my early teen years due to medical issues and it absolutely stunted my social life, I was incredibly lonely and felt like every friendship I had was temporary and I still sometimes slip into those thought patterns, but I can speak from experience when I say that if you keep believing everyone will leave you, you will unconsciously end up driving people away.

Tell yourself that you're worthy of friendship, because you are. Even if you don't believe it right now, you are. It will get better - and please don't brush this off as "maybe it did for you but I'm different", because I was in the same place. I was horribly depressed, lonely, and in pain, and it led to suicidal ideation; I understand what you're feeling. It sucks, and you have to fight for it, and there are times when it's utterly exhausting, but it will get better if you try to start training out those damaging thought processes.

i don't want to. I admit it. i don't want to fight for anything. i want to quit. i don't want to keep trying to be friends with people. i don't want to exist anymore. i don't see the point. I'm defeated and i want it to be over now.

i'm not capable of thinking I'm worthy of love. I'm bad at keeping people around. i can't convince myself of anything that i can't prove. i can't be a person. i don't want to be a person anymore.

i don't want people to block me over drama i'm not involved in anymore. i don't want people to stop talking to me no matter how many times i try to pick up a conversation again anymore. I'm tired of everyone leaving me no matter how good of a friend i try to be. people don't value my friendship. they don't. i'm not cut out for this. I'm no good at making friends or keeping friends or anything social. I can't figure it out.

i have no one that makes this fight worth fighting. i hate me. i can't like me. i try and it doesn't work. i hate my body more than anything in the world and it hates me.

[kafus]

whenever i see guides for neurotypical social skills and similar stuff, i can’t help but think that if i attempted to make friends that way i’d be miserable. i’m not saying i have no desire to consciously and manually learn some social skills because i have done that for more professional settings, for small talk, for survival, and it has helped me and made my life better! some manually learned social skills i’ve even naturally integrated into how i usually speak, don’t get me wrong! but specifically with forming actual friendships, if the other person isn’t interested in how i communicate as an autistic person and i have to mask myself to that large extent, i’m just. not interested in that kind of friendship.

it’s frustrating too because as an autistic person i’ve discovered that at least online (i don’t have much experience with IRL friendships bc currently mostly homebound disabled person) the ticket to making genuine and good friendships with people wasn’t following some arbitrary ruleset for conversation, it was literally just being confident. Yes really. i genuinely think if you carry yourself like you know who you are and how you speak, you will find people eventually who will click with how you communicate, and friendships can form from there. obviously it’s not THAT simple and easy but it really is such a huge part of it. once i won the idgaf war and stopped fretting so severely over how i was behaving in group chats and shit all the time, it really changed things for the better and i made friendships

as much as learning some NT social skills is required for survival and basic/professional interactions with people, i just think it’s unfortunate that autistic people are often told even by other autistic people that the key to real friendships is forcing yourself to communicate a different way. yes i’m sure that works and some people are going to feel fulfilled that way but frankly i would explode. autistic communication IS desirable! you can make friends even if you talk like that! yes, even like that!! all of us are so anxious and feel like shit bc we’ve been rejected by NT spaces so hard especially while growing up but i swear to god it is possible to make real friendships while also being autistic as fuck unmasked

anyways the TLDR of it is i think we should encourage each other more as autistic people to be confidently unmasked in spaces that are safe for it instead of masking more to make friendships where you can’t even be yourself. i would literally rather explode than try to form close bonds by masking again like i did in high school 💥 💥 💥

[dez-ku]

What do you think if one of your viewers/followers wanted to be friends with you?

In my opinion, I would rather not. For many creators, their viewers are just people who like their posts or something like that. Creators don't know people who like their posts and followers don't know the creators(The point is that the observer creates an interpretation of the creators in his or her brain based on the information provided by them. They don't know them from their own experience, only from what they say about themselves.). Online friendship is also weak. You don't see this person irl. You only talk or write to them.

This is just my opinion.¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ I'd love to hear yours :3

🪨

Personally for me, I don't mind befriending my viewers/followers.

Although being my literal friend, it honestly takes time for me to even consider you my friend.. sometimes they already see me as their friend when I don't.

please don't take this personally whoever seem to get close to me

For me to consider them as my friend, I wanted to bond first and see how it goes bc there will be time I'll either get uncomfortable or maybe vice versa, we will not relate, our energy is different and more. And the meaning of "friend" to me is knowing you outside of social media/what you express online. I don't mean long distant friends aren't going to work.. I meant you understand each other on a deeper level.

In the short term.. people will call it picky. I'm picky with the people I want in my circle. I want people to be at least mature when approaching things. I honestly made a close friend who used to be just a follower, non-stop liking my posts, chatting, etc. We're near our 2 year anniversary at being friends. 😊 And another follower that I just got recently close with is now making oc lore with me.. and we're so crazy for that fkwwkodkdff

In conclusion, I don't mind being friends with my followers/viewers but I am picky.

[hauntingsofhouses]

i think fandoms can be soooo ridiculous a lot of the time (see: all the nonsensical fan wars, discourse, etc) but i cannot understate how much i actually love fandoms.

like yeah it may be super nerdy and even cringe and outsiders look at it like "why tf do you care about these fictional characters so much?"

but 1) my field is literally..... literary studies..... in which all i do is study fiction and analyse it like an insane person, and 2) even if that WASN'T my field, thinking about the stories we consume is important even for any person to do, because thinking about stories exercises our brain to think critically!! why do you think our ancestors used stories as a medium to share knowledge, to propagate moral values and lessons? stories—telling them, thinking about what they're saying, and caring about the characters within them—are all inherent to the human experience!!!

so that brings me to fandom. because we are literally just making these little communities with each other based on our shared love for a particular story, and for a particular character or theme within them that resonated with us, or whatever. we're all here because we loved a thing so much that we built connections from it!!!

like yeah my irl friends laugh at me when i tell them i write fanfic, cuz ha ha what a nerd what a loser etc, but dude. i made genuine real friendships from fandom alone. from just obsessing over two characters we thought were cute together, we've gone to sending each other gifts and postcards and having voice calls and confiding in each other and sharing parts of us and our personal lives and our cultures (cuz we're all from different countries) with each other! like now i don't even share a fandom with most of my old fandom friends anymore but we still stick by each other and that's amazing???

also like, i cannot emphasise enough how amazing and encouraging it is to share your craft (art/writing/etc) with others in fandom. because for example if i make my own personal art or write my own original work, i'd have no one to share it to, no one interested to see it, and thus no one will be there to provide feedback or encouragement.

but if i post a piece of fan art or fanfic, people actually do see the work i post and care about the craft and the content it's depicting and even share their thoughts on it and that ??? is so motivating and lovely ??? because even though i make art for myself, art is still meant to be shared and seen at the end of the day—even if only with one person. so to be given the means of sharing our art in such a way, to have such a community that fosters so much creativity, it's amazing. i don't really get that anywhere else.

and especially to have this in like, a casual setting, you know, where you can just be yourself and do things according to your own time and energy without the pretenses of professionalism and a perfectly curated resume or portfolio, and all the confines of a rigid work schedule, which would all make the process of creation less fun and less genuine, and instead just more taxing and chore-like.

because fandom is essentially meant to be about doing what's fun for you! it's about sharing your creations and enjoying what others share with you. you make friends and you go ham with it.

and also it's why it's more frustrating when people take things too seriously and legitimately get upset over assumptions of other people's beliefs and hold the most minor grievances that could only be felt if you're like, chronically online.

but on that note, there are definitely still honest-to-god bad people in fandom spaces too (see: racists, TERFS, homophobes, groomers, harassers, etc). but that's the case with all communities, because bad people are always going to exist, and thus statistically speaking, the bigger a group or community is, higher chances are there's gonna be some awful people in there. but honestly that is its own can of worms and also that's not what this post is about, but i felt it necessary to address because i don't want to paint fandom as like, the best thing ever in the world, because fandom spaces are incredibly flawed, as everything is.

but i've always been one to appreciate things despite its flaws. and though this may be very personal to me, when i love things so much, i am still willing to stick around and try to change the culture around it in the ways that i can (like promoting internet safety measures, creating safe spaces for thoughtful and polite discussion, raising awareness on harmful stereotypes and fandom depictions or opinions, etc).

so regardless of the bullshit that online fandom spaces tend to perpetuate, i do very much still love the way that fandom allows me to connect with folks over something as silly as our little blorbos, and from there end up making life-long friends, or at the very least new acquaintances. insert reinforcement of my thesis statement about stories fostering human connection here. the end. send post.

[aromanticmina]

my aplatonic experience!

I haven't seen many posts about aplatonic people's experience with being apl, so I thought I'd share a little bit of my own here! hopefully it will help questioning folks and anyone else who wants to learn more about aplatonicism!

I'll start this with saying, this only one way of identifying with the label, and that other aplatonics might have a completely different experience,and that's alright!

I've always wanted friendships since I was little,"mlp: friendship is magic" was my favorite show for awhile and I've always wanted deep connections, but no matter how much I tried,none of the "friends" I'd make made me feel that deep of a connection with them,no matter how much I liked spending time with them.

there was a time where I just called everyone I liked to hang out with a friend,even if most of the time it felt a little forced (to me),even if it didn't felt quite right, I'd just casually throw a "yeah that's my friend" because, if the people I enjoyed talking with weren't my friends,then who were?

At one point in the beginning of my teen years I stopped considering everyone I liked or cared about a friend, after distancing myself from a toxic friendgroup I jumped in in hopes of finally having the fabled "best friends" (twice), and going solo on most school work/activities afterwards for a year since group activities weren't all that obligatory and my teacher said it was fine if I did it alone.

Even when I got myself a "school partner" and we grew a kinda close, I didn't actually consider her my friend until our final year in highschool, and it was because I had known and liked her for 5+ years by then and it was "just logical for her to be my friend" and not because I "platonically loved" her.

I don't love people platonically (or romantically since I'm also aro), I don't know how to form deep connections and it takes awhile for me to actually consider someone a friend. I don't mind when people call me their friend tho,I actually appreciate it (which makes me platonic-favorable ig) and I still find myself yearning for that perfect friend group sometimes.

I have realized tho, that the communities I'm part of are enough for me,both online and irl,people who while not being really close to me, make me laugh and smile and some even make me feel understood.

When I stumbled across the aplatonic label,I didn't want to accept it at first, if I don't feel romantic or platonic love,will I be alone forever?

But no one is never fully alone, neighbors,pets,the kind lady of the bakery,the funny guy at the bus stop,all of those are people who you could have a nice interaction with.

And even if you were alone,you still have yourself and world ahead of you! you can be happy by yourself,I'd like to say that I love myself,although of course everyone has their bad days sometimes.

I'm aplatonic, and I wouldn't want to be anyone but me!

[sohnric]

spread some love !

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

sweet anon this is such a cute ask let me reply right away or else i'll forget

@satoruly - miri is my longest friend on here. she knows me, she gets me and i honestly have never had a healthier friendship than with her. she is very well spoken, she taught me a lot about lots of different things, she offers me honest advice and is always so supportive of me. she is the best writer around, she is so so fun to talk to, she is very understanding and openminded. miri is my soulmate and i feel the safest with her. i enjoy listening to her long voice memos like it's a podcast, i enjoy hearing her talk about literally anything she is interested in. she has good tv show recommendations and i am so proud of her for everything and i will support her forever and always. it's hard for me to put emotions to words, but miri is my best friend and i am beyond thankful to know her in this lifetime.

@csenke - my favorite long distance friend our bond will forever be special to me because you're the first online person i've ever met irl. i love her energy, i love her sense of humor, i love how we can talk about fun things but also more serious ones. i love her aesthetic and i forever think she is the coolest person i know. i like how vocal she is with the love she has for her interests and her idols and her favorite musicians. i enjoy how our music tastes match and how similar we are with different phases of our lives, which makes me believe we are platonic neighbors for sure. she's very fun to be around and talk to and i admire her courage and also her energy. she's very easy-going and down to earth. she's so cool yet so adorable. also, an icon.

@from-izzy - izzy is the asian version of me and i am the white version of her. i like her humor and the way we tease each other and poke fun. i enjoy having someone with the same major as my online friend because it lets me talk about this nerdy interest of mine with someone else and compare our knowledge and teach each other more. i admire izzy's emotionality and her mature way of handling things. i like her supportiveness and even though its unfortunate, it's good to have someone who shares the same struggles with you. i love izzy's energy and view of life. she's very cute and kind <3 oh and also she makes me feel special lol

@sanaxo-o - i'd like to say me and sana have chaotic sibling energy. i like our chats because we can talk about lighthearted things but also more deep stuff. i like her stickers and random meme pictures she sends in chat. she works hard and puts in a lot of effort. her energy is unmatched and although we used to bully each other for fun, she is very compassionate and caring.

@sungbeam - i adore beam as both a creator and as a person. i always sound like a fangirl whenever i talk about her but i really can't help it. her mind is so big and her creativity is unmatched. she is very good at her craft and i hope she never stops doing it. our talks were always very deep and productive, for some reason. beam has this energy of being older than me but she's actually younger so that makes me a lil :DD. i look up to her in many aspects and she's so cool omg.

@cloverdaisies - another one that feels like she's supposed to be older than me. i adore clo's maturity and the way she handles things, her humor and her over-all energy. we don't talk much but there's something that lights up in me whenever we do. also i find clo so cool. OH and her writing is unmatched >>>

@decembermoonskz - another friend that's known me for ages. izzy you are such an anchor and a safe space for me. i've always adored your mind and the way it works. you are so creative and artistic and i support you in everything your majestic mind comes up with. your persona is so warm and welcoming and i feel very positive whenever we talk. i miss you lots <3

@okkotsu-simp - kyuzu is forever my younger sister. she is very strong and very mature for her age. i adore how she speaks up and uses her voice on things and i also very much enjoy her energy. i miss talking to her but we're both so busy now :( i am always rooting for her.

@injangism - i admire her maturity and the way she is so well-spoken. she handles everything so well and i love her lots. she always makes sure to subtly tell me she cares and i wish i can to the same to her as well. her mind is very big and i know she can do big things. <3

and lastly my sweet aimee, although we can't talk anymore, i think of you daily. you were the sweetest, nicest person around. you were so selfless and i hope to one day be as kind as you were. your smile was always the brightest and i trusted you with everything. i miss you dearly and let's hope one day we meet again, angel <3