#well fuck me i guess 🙃
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It's all fun and games til you hit something you didn't expect in a construction zone and you pop both passenger side tires in what can only be described as the absolute worst occurence of fuckery you've encountered today
#personal#guess who's stuck in a parking lot for a while!!!!#and is also guilty bc this is their mom's car they're borrowing!!!!!!!#there's been so much road work on this part of the route tho#i know i hit a curb but i could swear that curb was like. 3 inches further to the right last time.......#not sure how i managed to fuck up the back tire too but you know what they say#don't half ass it full ass it#hm. wait. would full-assing be popping ALL the tires???#who knows!#ah... thankfully no one has stopped to bother me about it#i did get very pitying looks from a couple walking their dogs#and the homeless guy who looked like he was gonna approach but then looked at the fucking wheels and like. turned away#well! time to wait for family to come and lend a hand and if that doesnt work we call the roadside assistance 🙃
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I watch OutsideXbox vids pretty often to unwind but today's video was about games where getting a bad ending was actually more work than a good ending
And it featured fucking Tales of Xillia 2
Which, no joke, upset me so thoroughly when I played and completed it that I have spent years denying its existence and trying to forget about it
So when this funtimes goofy youtube vid started and showed scenes from Xillia 2 without warning I literally yelled at the TV and started crying and Jon had to come check on me because I worried him. I was laughing through my tears like "This is stupid!! I shouldn't be having a fucking trauma response over a JRPG!!"
That's just how hard that game fucked me up
#it made me care about all the characters and then 1. one fucking betrayed me and 2. several die and you CANNOT save them all#you can't#it's like the first time you play ff7 and aeris dies but times like 50#you've spent like 60 game hours getting to know and love the main character and his brother! now make one kill the other 🙃#oh you don't want to do that? ok well guess u have to kill all your friends instead#ok you did the right thing and got to the end of the game and it's time to save the world! now choose who dies to make it happen#someone has to die. you've spent all these hours honing these characters and bonding with them. now kill one. now another#it fucking broke me man#i could go in but i need to go to bed#tales of xillia#tales of xillia 2#i'm gonna go back to pretending this game never happened#mod post#video games
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#i picked up my sibling (that I had been almost no contact with for like 9+ years?) from the airport and. fucking hell#they were sick and told me to mask but apparently they didnt bother to mask... IN AN AIRPORT ON AN AIRPLANE#anyway i masked in my car. 1+ hr drive home#this was a few days ago now :)#they've been to the gym several times since then. still coughing 🙃#guess what. I'm sick now#mad doesn't even begin to cover it#gonna do an at-home covid test :/ wish me luck i guess#edit: my partn--i mean wife has all our at-home tests & we been in different cities for a hot second. great.#well at least i wont pass it onto her. i guess
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#aaaand that's 2 doctors that think i have bipolar ii 🙃#so the conceptualize rn would b that my mood is fucked but im using ocd to keep myself contained withing sorta normal parameters#which. i mean. that does kinda fit with observationally. i would create rules around: u arent allowed to get excited abt things u arent#allowed to enjoy things bc u cant handle it. u cant b normal abt how u enjoy things. or bc when i go to enjoy a thing#my mood is caped at being lightly miserable so its like well fuck being around ppl it makes me feel nothing#bc my focus and energy swing around like the light on a lighthouse. and in between that im miserable or feel nothing#and if its true that i am bipolar the reason i never noticed would b bc i very rarely experience euphoria. mostly i have high energy and#dont feel good. just fucking out of control. so mixed episodes i guess. but like idk. i guess i just think of bipolar as being extremely#destructive. and i mean r my mood issues a problem? yes. sometimes a really big problem. but idk. im still resistant to thr idea#lots of ppl get misdiagnosed as bipolar even tho the presentation is so specific. i guess i just doesn't wanna accept it and then have to#have been wrong if i was misdiagnosed. but i mean 2 doctors independently listened to me and thought hm sounds like bipolar so maybe im#just being stubborn. also no one else in my family thst i kno of is bipolar. ive got 2 uncles with adhd but not bipolar relatives#i dunno. i guess it doesn't matter so long as i can get it under control. im good at control. destructively good at control#unrelated#i guess its more that ive never done anything life ruining bc of my moods#mostly i just dont sleep much and make myself crazy. so ill probably die an early death or whatever lack og sleep causes rio#i meant rip lol
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okay so not only do i now have a faintly positive covid test but my eggs exploded in the microwave which has never happened to me before. and i probably caught this at pride last saturday which is sooooo cool and not at all making me insane. killing myself imminently
#well not having covid was nice for the 4 years it lasted 🫡 i'm so fucking mad lol#i still pretty much just have a sore throat and a little sniffles hopefully it doesn't get too much worse. maybe a little fever but i don't#have a thermometer#dude i live on a property full of insane antivaxxers. i cannot tell them or the fucking talking behind my back will be off the charts#but i did see my therapist yesterday and we were outside but not wearing masks#i guess i could have caught it at the vet interview too but that was only the 2nd and i feel like it takes longer to develop symptoms?#and the sore throat started last night. goddd fucking damn it#i will take another test later or tomorrow to confirm but i don't see why it would be false 🙃#🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#☠️☠️☠️☠️🙃☠️🙃☠️🙃☠️#me
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And when I thought things were finally fine and had calmed down my roommate starts sending me shelters because he wants me to get rid of my cat 🙃🙃🙃
#‘she’s peeing on my stuff 😡’#listen I get that that sucks#but also…. we had a system in place that got her stop#I get putting cat spikes on the couches was mildly annoying but guess what#she wasn’t pissing on them anymore#and tell your bf to stop leaving your bedroom door open if you don’t want her to piss on your bed#like ?????#I know he’s stopped doing these things because the bf finds them mildly inconveniencing#sorry I’m not getting rid of my cat that I’ve had for almost four years and who got rehomed TWICE before I got her#because you have to put in a tiiiiiny bit of effort#‘she pissed on my shoes 😡’#she has literally never peed on shoes before I guarantee you it’s because I left for a weekend and she’s anxious#fucking calm down#you could also just not leave your shoes by the door#he already rehomed our rats because he found them annoying which I feel bad about#I didn’t fight him much on that one because they were more his than mine so if he wanted to make that decision whatever#but hell no I’m not taking my cat to a fucking SHELTER fuck you#‘she drives me insane tho’#okay well your fucking boyfriend drives me insane and you’re not seeing me demand you take him to a fucking shelter so lol#GOD this is not what I wanna deal with when I get home#and it’s just pissing me off cuz I get it’s annoying#but we’d gotten her to stop mostly and now it’s started again because of things 🙃🙃 the fucking bf is doing 🙃🙃#so like this is your own fault and you’re expecting me to get rid of my baby because your bf can’t be assed to slightly alter#how he likes to live which is apparently being allergic to just keeping the bedroom door closed#jfc#kaz rambles
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I feel like that deep fried mr incredible pic rn someone pls rescue me from this project
#wastepaper basket#I have far too much to do and not enough time nor energy to do it in I feel so burnt out#And we've barely even fucking started#I've booked some time off in a couple of weeks which I'm hoping will help but also that's now used all of my holiday for the year aside from#the days I have to save for xmas 🙃#So yk it had better help cause if it doesn't well. Fuck me I guess
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#ugh why is post-secondary education so expensive??? i hate this#i guess i might as well do my taxes now so i can get the tax return sooner UGH#why is money a thing? *sobs*#(honestly if i didn't have to spend so much money on dental work this year i'd be in a better place too. rip not having benefits#because i'm no longer employed full time... and don't let me get started on how the change in my schedule fucked over my student loans)#🙃#ignore me this is a sad personal adulting and money woes post
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🦋
#these pictures are super difficult for a lot of reasons but like the most fucked up one is that i had forgotten that basically EVERY PIC#i took back then i made the same dumb ass face that my mother HATED bc my face has ALWAYS favoured the left when ive smiled#&so i just. exaggerated it to hide it bc of course lmao.#&if the shit was bad BEFORE its fucking impossble to miss my crooked ass fucking smile smirk#now that the right side of my face will always respond a bit slower than my left like what the fuck 😭😭😭#i should be extremely grateful for how little long lasting anything ive seen in regards to all that ESP wrt#my already demolished eyes lmao#but fuck me if the old pics dont make me all like. well PAST ME your jokes are even less funny NOW than they were THEN 🙃#(also i guess theyre hard to look at bc my mom is in one&i couldnt just spit on it bc i suck LMAO)
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It’s a school matinee and I can hear the teachers doing the Teacher Voice and it’s making me cringe so fucking hard. Awful. So glad I’m done with that shit.
#so let’s go on a little journey here in the tags#I hated school#H A T E D it#I was really good at it I’d like to point out#but it was 12 miserable fucking years#and my grandfather used to tell me ‘The worst day in school is better than the best day at work’#and I was like well I guess I’m just Fucked lol 🙃#and not to be all it gets better#because I have some shitty shitty days as an adult don’t get me wrong#BUT I at least chose the industry I work in#and most of the shittiness is not work related#so if you’re still in school I’m so sorry you have my deepest sympathies#but your life will not always be like this#my life
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you ever like. remember a medical thing you got that your parents gave you shit for costing so much money? and like, yeah it would take a decent understanding of how insurance works (which is frankly your prerogative as an adult to learn) but they could have totally taken steps for that thing to have not costed so much?
like, they could've fucking fought for you? instead of being upset that the money they had (and could afford to spend!) had to be spent on you and not themselves?
because you were in pain and needed fucking help?
#just got my sleep apnea oral appliance night guard thing#which is going to cost a pretty fucking penny when the insurance peocesses#and it's reminding me of the night guard i got in college when my jaw was still really bad#and my dad was so mad bc it cost several hundred dollars (about half as much as the one i just got 🙃)#but like. i bet if he had taken me to a chiropractor a few times#we could've justified medical necessity to the insurance and gotten it a lot cheaper#but no#that would've required parenting#ah well#guess it was easier to just remind me how much of a burden i was#and grudgingly shelling out the cash that wouldve gone to a new kayak (that he'd never use) or payments for his second car#personal
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#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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it is such a good thing that i finished my fic earlier today lol
#am suddenly feeling very discouraged about certain things#which really fucking sucks#bc its about something i was really happy with and now im just like :/ well.#so its kind of just like welp guess ill go fuck myself then 🙃#and its making me not want to write rn#so yeah very glad i finished earlier otherwise that would suck big time bc im not gonna have time to write tomorrow either#n e wayyyyys#i need to get out of my head about it#i dont like doing this on here but im kind of uspet about it a little and idk who to talk to so hi tumblr lol.#i should definitely delete this later tho oof
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man the waiting times to get an adhd diagnosis thru the nhs are so long theyre still refusing to even give me an estimate of how long itll be before I can get assessed even tho my referral went thru months ago. but going private is so stupidly expensive like its not just the diagnosis but also med titration + then some gps wont even accept a private diagnosis to let u transfer back into the nhs system for prescriptions afterwards. fuck my stupid baka life + this entire country
#was on the adhd reddit + there was a discussion of uk private diagnosis costs + the whole thing can be like £2-3k like lmfao#i for one cannot fucking afford that. goodbye#how am i meant to live like this another month let alone for the minimum six month diagnosis wait jfc#ive been doing a ton of reading to try and find other ways to cope but so much of it is complete bullshit/ppl exploiting neurodivergence#and everyone i talk to who actually has adhd is like well the only thing that helped me is meds!! so im just kinda fucked for now i guess#plus theres a med shortage in the uk currently too its not just the us 🙃#try not to kys hard edition#whatever man. it is what it is#idek if it is adhd. imagine if i waited all that time and failed the assessment id walk out of there straight off the nearest bridge#whatever!!!! ugh im gonna go work out#.vent
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💭
#hhha ha…. of course of fucking course this would happen to me#welp just found out on Instagram that the guy I had a crush on my last year of college and even made moves on#he posted on his Instagram story today of a Polaroid of him and a girl with a heart emoji…. guess that’s his new girlfriend 🙃…#I mean yea it took me some time but I did eventually get over him#but mostly cuz the pandemic started half way through our final semester of college#but I did dm him before we started spring break basically asking him out to coffee which still to this day he never saw…#and i could live with the fact that I did try/I got the guts/encouragement to make some moves on him#tbh I still did kinda like him this whole time but knew I shouldn’t bother trying#and also I haven’t been doing well in several aspects for the past couple years since graduating & pandemic#… it hurts… it does hurt seeing him with a girl… but… idk…#I’ll need a day or two to get over it#ha… I’m crying a little but it’s cuz of all the other stressful shit going on and that is what pushed me to the edge…#jazz uses curse! 💜
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OH MY GOD I ACCIDENTALLY KILLED ALISTAIR NOOOOOO NO NO 😭😭😭😭😭 wowowowowowow I played this whole game expecting to die and hurt my companions BUT GUESS WHAT THE JOKES ON ME AHAHHHHHHHHH
#i didn’t make alistair king and it fucked up the dialogue for the end of the game 😭😭😭😭😭#HE DIDNT WANT TO BE KING#UUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUUUUUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK#dragon age origins#alistair theirin#my bad#MY HUBBY DIEDDDDD#gosh the room feels so empty now#i decided my Warden is going to travel bc an earlier convo with Leliana#zevran is coming with me :’)#OK GANG ACTUALLY WERE GOING WITH STEN#FERGUS LIVES!!!#i want to write so much#time to play da2 because I fucked up mt friendship with fenris and isabela panicked and played the first game#🙃#love that the second game opens and is like HERES A BUNCH OF NEW PEOPLE HE GONNA LOVE THEM#and da3 is HEY STILL LIKE THOSE FELLAS FROM THE SECOND GAME??#then the first one is like they all died and don’t exist in thedas after the blight Jfc#well…..except Leliana and alistair I guess#NOT MY ALISTAIR THOUGH CUZ IM AN IDIOT#cant believe Flemeth wasn’t at the temple of sacred ashes in da3#gosh the way the chantry is like a footnote in the first one then playing the second one like 👁👁
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