#well maybe not bc this is a lot easier to deal with. no mess

[chirpsythismorning]

This is separate from people making Noah’s coming out all about byler, without ever separating Noah from Will, because yes that’s weird. But also entirely expected, like that’s as fandom behavior as it gets.

But for the sake of making a point here, what’s the main argument people use for why byler won’t happen?

It’s that the Duffers are just two straight old white dudes and the actors playing the characters are two straight white dudes. And because of that they’re probably all homophobic so it’ll never happen and if anything the opposite, most messed up ending, is more likely.

Heteronormativity and the assumptions that everyone is definitively straight, until they explicitly say otherwise, is something homophobes depend on.

Now all the people with ignorant arguments like that can do after this news, is bitch about how no one cares that he’s gay and it’s not even a big deal… a concept Noah literally references in his TikTok.

Even though I think straight ppl mean well when they say who cares, they’re ignoring the fact that straightness is the default expectation in our society. And this puts a lot a weight on queer people’s shoulders their entire lives, to essentially live a lie until they finally get the courage to come out.

Noah admitted that it took him 18 years to come out to his family and friends bc he was too scared to.

The reality is straight ppl mostly don’t want to talk/think about it and that’s why they get upset with too much discussion about the possibility in terms of byler and Stranger Things in general.

Unfortunately for all the practicing homophobes in the fandom, they’re going to get a big lesson on heteronormativity and the reality that literally anyone could be/not be gay.

Your best friend. Your brother. Your mom. Your gramma… You.

And that’s what scares ppl who’ve been internalizing homophobia their whole lives. They don’t want to talk/think about it for a reason. And it has nothing to do with actual other queer people just existing, it’s what they’re scared it could or could not mean for them. And they are making a vow to themselves to never find out.

And it’s because they know how gay people are treated and they don’t want to be the butt of jokes like that. They want to belong with people that are ‘normal’ or the default in society. And so hearing those same homophobes try to downplay and discredit Noah for coming out, it’s honestly just sad. The cycle of homophobia/internalized homophobia is so fucking depressing and it affects all of us.

Idec about specific ships at this point, it’s sad that a lot of men/boys in our society still see being gay as a negative thing, something they have to distance themselves from. And by being homophobic, they feel like they’re successful in achieving that distance.

And as much as homophobes piss me off every now and then online and in real life… I know why they’re doing it. Because they’ve been rewarded for it all their lives. They’ve been told doing the opposite made them different.

People forget (or are just unaware I guess) that Noah literally clapped back at byler fans on Twitter post-s2, saying, “why can’t boys just be friends anymore??”… yeah he literally made a textbook Reddit argument… though he has since deleted it…

And so I do hope that future generations of boys and girls are going to feel more comfortable accepting themselves, making it easier for us to be willing to look inward and not be scared and to eventually maybe get to a point where we don’t even have to come out as queer, we can just love who we love and it just is.

But that’s just not reality at this time.

And so yes I’m relieved that Noah himself was comfortable enough to share this with the world and didn’t spend anymore time hiding his sexuality, assuming he wanted to be out!

[thecyrulik]

Simon negotiates terms and conditions. Egon is inconvenienced.

Special shoutout to @whump-card for making me revisit this beloved story of mine. I am aware I am its main audience but it has a special place in my heart.

And to @oliversrarebooks bc their story made me think quite a lot about hypnosis and vampire glamour.

prev | masterlist

The Bargaining

Months had passed before he was finally able to do anything to regain some control over his life. In the meantime, he suffered from temporary weakness and headaches, sometimes stronger, sometimes barely there. He missed some days at work. Had some serious talks with his manager. Begged her to let him stay, promised to pull himself together even though he knew he had no way of keeping that promise. He had to deal with the worried looks of his coworkers, not only Maddie, but the rest of them too. They meant well, but they just couldn’t help him.

He considered going to sleep right after dinner, but he felt quite restless, as if something was about to happen. He kept himself busy, trying to catch up with some work, but eventually ending up reading a book about mental illnesses that Maddie gave to him. In some harsh, though well-meaning words she suggested that he should at least try to figure out what was wrong with him on his own, to make dealing with it easier. It didn’t exactly work but it was an interesting read anyway.

The window opened silently, but Simon felt the change in the air nonetheless. He raised his head immediately, a small part of him already knowing what he would see at the windowsill. The dark-haired man stood there, staring at him with an intensity that made Simon’s skin crawl, and he was perfectly still – so Simon decided to act on his own.

He stood up from the desk, keeping his eyes on the intruder and putting a bookmark between the pages before closing the book. Maybe I won’t get to finish it? Why bother with a bookmark?, he thought before he could stop himself. The vampire stood still as Simon straightened up and very carefully avoided looking at the closed door. Don’t be stupid, he told himself. If he could crawl up the walls and mess with his mind, there was zero chance of escaping whatever was to come.

Despite all that, Simon couldn’t help himself and took a short, nervous step backwards. He realized what he did; he stopped right away. The vampire hadn’t moved at all. Simon was flooded with all the memories he had been robbed of before; all kinds of feedings, the sudden ones, the fierce and quick ones, the oddly gentle ones. It had been going for quite some time, he realized. He was still alive, which was nice, if surprising, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t be for long if this went on like this. Not because the vampire would kill him personally, it was just that Simon felt he just couldn’t go on like this anymore. He had to do something.

The monster finally made a move, seemingly pleased with Simon not running away. As if they didn’t both know he didn’t have a chance. He stood there watching, waiting, as the vampire slowly walked up to him and grabbed his chin with thumb and index finger. Simon suppressed a shiver, realizing that the gesture was familiar, that it had happened before. He wanted to scream, to beg, to run away, almost overwhelmed with memories and the fear they brought up. He couldn’t utter a word. The vampire watched him curiously before tilting his head slightly to the side and burying his fangs in Simon’s flesh. 

Simon gasped. The pain was sharp and short. All the muscles in his body tensed as agony went through him, then left. He was flooded with that odd sensation that felt like being wrapped in cotton, or something else soft, warm but strange. The blood flew away from him and the vampire’s body was getting warmer bit by bit. Simon raised his slightly shaky hands to the vampire’s chest. He wasn’t really trying to push him away but he wanted to be able to do it anyway. The blood drinker ignored that, slowly draining him while still keeping a hold on his jaw, gentle but firm.

A long moment had passed before Simon realized that even though the vampire still held him by the chin, he had already pulled his fangs out of his neck. He also noticed with some surprise he was now shivering terribly, uncontrollably, almost painfully. He let out a choked gasp, dizzy with terror, confusion and desperation. The vampire pulled his chin up after a little while, making him look into his eyes. The rest of the puzzle pieces fell into place in Simon’s mind.

“No!” he blurted out, trying and failing to step back. He kept his eyes closed. The hand on his jaw tightened a little. He swallowed and took a deep breath, then opened his eyes, carefully avoiding the vampire’s piercing gaze. That was his chance and it might have been the only one he’d ever get.

“Please, please don’t do that! I swear I won’t tell anyone about you, or-or try to hurt you, but I just… I can’t go on like this,” he paused, risking a quick glance at the vampire’s unchanging face. Okay. He wasn’t furious yet. Time to keep going.

“Please don’t do this to my head anymore. Every time you do it, I can barely function for a couple of days afterwards, and I can’t lose my job, but I will if you keep doing this, so p-please, just don’t do that… I promise I won’t do anything to harm you, I just can’t go on, I can’t, can’t, please-” he almost sobbed, his fear and exhaustion getting the better of him.

“Very well,” said the vampire after a short while, his voice almost too neutral and devoid of emotion. “We’ll do something different. Look at me, human.”

Simon tried very hard to oppose that command, but in the end, he still looked up, staring straight into the blood drinker’s cold eyes. A sense of failure and hopelessness flooded him as those terrible eyes bore straight into his very soul and he felt tendrils of power wrapping themselves tightly around his conscious mind. At least I tried something, he thought as he was drifting away, barely able to stand with the vampire’s help.

***

The human surprised him that night. First of all, he shouldn’t have been able to remember the previous feedings, even in the vampire’s presence when the parts of the previous glamours could be accidentally lifted. Even more so he shouldn’t be able to oppose him like that. A thoughtless flinch, yes, a blind attempt to run away, or to fight him back - it all happened from time to time, but this? This was thought through, meaning the boy had some level of understanding of what was happening to him, even between their meetings. This could be dangerous, to let such a human roam free. Egon should either kill him or at the very least wipe him clean and never come back. But… as much as he didn’t like to admit it, he grew accustomed to those feedings, the way the human tasted and acted, his quiet acceptance. It was pleasant, in a way, not to worry about fighting, hunting or paying for sustenance. 

After a short while, he decided. Yes, he’d keep the boy alive. It might be a risk, but a small one, especially since the young human didn’t seem like he could be a threat to anyone, let alone a vampire. He would have to take precautions and, apparently, take what the human asked him into consideration; that is if he wanted him to last long-term. It was all manageable, if slightly cumbersome. He could do it without any issue really, his job often forced him to inconvenience himself more for less.

The boy shivered under his touch and stared at him with terror mixed with exhaustion. Well, no need to scare the human any further, he thought and got to work, driving his will into the mortal’s mind.

taglist: @hold-him-down @afrosarah @whumpy-writings @spookyceph @neverthelass and @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night just this once so they try it out

[buckevantommy]

totally completely fine

ok. i'm not a fan of australian tv or movies bc they're always overdramatised or too darkly themed or comedic in a way i don't gel with bc i'd rather watch american comedies (not sitcoms, they need to die a firey death). plus i've never really liked the aussie accent, i've found it weirdly unsettling hearing characters speak with aussie voices and maybe that's bc being an aussie myself and wanting to use tv and movies as an escape so having that stark reminder of my own reality means it's harder to suspend and enjoy a different one for a spell. or maybe it's the fact that i, like a great deal of non-americans, have grown up watching american tv so now any non-american accent just sits weird in my brain. 

but that's why i need to express my love for this show. 

everything from the casting (diverse faces and bodies) and the actors chemistry to the setting and set design, cinematography and soundtrack, and of course the plot and characters themselves. It's so well done. It's a heartfelt dramedy that makes you care keeps you interested in wanting to know how things progress and ultimately turn out. the various relationship dynamics are full of ups and downs and it feels real in that messy way life is. 

the premise: vivian is a young mess of an adult who lost her parents in a car crash that she was also in when she was a kid. she's the youngest of 3 siblings who were raised by their grandfather who dies and leaves viv his cliffside beach house. the twist: the house backs onto a picturesque ocean cliff where people go to commit suicide. the grandfather used to try and stop them, and now it's up to viv to try and do the same. 

intense stuff so far. but this show is hopeful, it's not super dark even though it does deal with strained relationships and mental health and suicide attempts/ideation. the characters are distinct and the way their lives entwine don't distract from their individual journeys; viv is the main character but enough screentime is given to every supporting character that they all feel like main characters in their own right which is how it should be because that's how life is. 

more good news is it's short: only 6 episodes at just under an hour each (it doesn't mince screentime) so i binged it all yesterday when i wasn't feeling great and just. wow. i haven't found anything mentioning a second season but if they did more i'd watch it - but the thing is it ends with both closure and the potential for more exploration of the characters, so it feels like a realistic open ending and works as a single season story. 

i don't know if it's available overseas because it was created by and aired here by Stan (which is like our homemade Netflix) but i hope if you guys are interested you'll find a way to watch. 

bonus thing for me: seeing this story play out in my home (settings and details) was actually grounding in a way i didn't expect. like i mentioned above, most of us grow up on american tv and maybe some uk stuff and while that's good for an escape it can actually be jarring to get back into our real world. but (with good quality programming like this show) i realise aussie productions can make it a lot easier to connect with the physical world around me (not the digital world), to not feel so alone, and to know that it's worth finding productions from your homeland and they don't hinder the escape of fiction in fact they can aid in grounding it in a believable way. 

anyway. just one aussie who doesn't really like aussie-made stuff telling folks to give this show a go because i was pleasantly surprised. 

undefined

(note: if anyone has any questions or concerns about triggering content please message me or reply to this post and i'll fill you in on stuff it does or doesn't feature)

[semitransparent-glob]

ooo for the ask game 17 and 20!!!

17. List five headcanons for your favorite characters!

(I did 5 hcs each for my top 3)

nagito

1. i always draw his smile lopsided bc i hc that he has an asymmetrical face bc i think it looks nice + makes him look unique

2. his fav color is pink

3. he is the type of guy who browses wikipedia as a hobby

4. he's kinda always cold and thats how he can survive wearing a hoodie on a tropical island

5. personal onion i dont think he has ever actually killed anyone with his own hands even as ultimate despair. i think even as ultimate despair he was the type to manipulate others into killing ppl rather than doing it himself

hajime

1. he/they hinata ftw

2. he is autistic

3. he is ALSO a guy who browses wikipedia as a hobby

4. he sucks at video games (this is canon)

5. idk if we get much info on his family but in my mind they are rich overachievers, and they are a huge part of why hajime feels the need to prove himself and be someone special and talented. I also think that he might have an older sibling (like several years older) who is very smart and successful and he feels he needs to live up to that, and his parents do not help to alleviate that feeling at all. in fact they make it worse.

kazuichi

1. he is shaped exactly like me. we are already the same height and weight and hes got such transmasc swag. we are the same.

2. he can't stand the taste of artificial sweeteners just like meeeee

3. he has adhd (like me ^_^)

4. he cuts and dyes his own hair

5. i think he still likes to use a lot of 'outdated' technology because he understands it better than computers (its easier to take apart and mess with). like for music he prefers physical media he can put in a player rather than an mp3 player.

20. What is your favorite aspect of Danganronpa?

I think both the character designs and character writing has always been one of dr's strong points. The character designs and art style are what particularly drew me in at first. I REALLY appreciate the unique-ness of the art style particularly in the way that the eyes are drawn. The tiny pupil approach is not one you see in anime often at all and it really makes the dr style stand out to me. Maybe its just because I don't give my characters pupils in my art, but i think it looks neat :^)

The character designs, in my opinion, are often immediately engaging and tell a lot about the characters right off the bat. I like chara designs that are a bit more detailed than not, but there is a balance that needs to be struck and i think a lot of dr designs do that for me.

As for the chara writing itself, I think dr does a good job of making something for everyone. Meaning that no matter what tropes you prefer for characters you are likely to find at least one character you enjoy. Yes the charas are trope-y but i think that is 100% fine because there is a good deal of variety to them as well.

ok this post got way too long SORRY. ty for the ask ^_^

[halestrom]

WIP Wednesday

It's Wednesday in my heart. But thank you to @spurious for doing this and helping me with my writing with the different options in varying ways.

WIP Year in Review

Number of WIPs Begun this Year: 62 woof this includes finished stuff bc my files are a hot mess

Number of WIPs Finished this Year: 31! Not including any ficlets I did on tumblr that I will at some point, fucking transfer over so I can find them easier.

Longest-Running WIP: I Won't Say I'm In Love which I AM EDITING RN PEOPLE

Newest WIP: Haunted, Hangster with ghosts and its fun and I have plans for it so fingers crossed I don't end up with another 100k behemoths she says as she knows its gonna be at least 40k minimum

Most Worked on WIP: rn its Cockblock which is SO CLOSE to being done its like 3 chapters

Favorite WIP: Cockblock is almost done, and I am so excited for it. Also haunted is a lot of fun. I also recently reread Slowburn and I'm excited for it as well and I hope to finish it soon.

Favorite Completed Work: I really like Marked for Later, my OT4 soulmates fic. And Racing Hearts bc I love daniel/vala/cam and I love cam's family. And Colorado Blue Eyes bc I love a good western AU.(also, I'm straight up still so happy with the title for this shirts made of boyfriend material bc it fits in a really funny way with the fic)

WIP You're Most Excited to Finish: Cockblock. I won't Say I'm In love. SlowBurn. All of them? Because I am excited to share them and also be done with them alkjdalks

WIP You're Not Sure You'll Finish: My Vegas AU? Maybe? Idk, I enjoyed it but I ran into a wall with it

WIP Resolution for 2024: I really want to get a better writing / editing balance because I am so bad at editing when something is finished bc its the last thing I wanna deal with.

[freedomfireflies]

okay so hiii i must say i’m coming here to just rant a bit and please please please do not feel pressured to answer if you don’t feel like it, there’s totally no problem!! i just think you’re one of the most genuine people on here and i feel like i can safely say it? so let me just get this off my chest and get to the point, maybe you’ve got any advice or maybe not, either way it’s absolutely fine! so about a year ago i made a friend in my uni, it was my first year there and i was really happy to get to know her. we have a few similar interests and basically felt good around each other. a few weeks later she introduced me to another person she met that i knew only bc i saw her a few times in the hallway, never really talked to her or anything. we spent halloween together, just the three of us and i immediately clicked with the other girl as well. since then we became sort of an inseparable trio, we would meet up after uni a lot, hang out during breaks, stuff like that. the thing is, my former friend, let’s call her sally, the one i met first is the total opposite of the two of us. she’s got many of her obsessions with celebrities, movies, tv shows, of course we both do too but she’s really into it and talks about it most of the time. she’s got some traumatic things happen to her in the past which causes her to be a little difficult in any sort of relationships. cause see, 90% of the time sally is actually really lovely and nice, cares about us and we feel good with her, we’re all really tight with each other. had many sleepovers, went on vacation together last month. but the thing is, sometimes she can be really insensitive when it comes to others, will say things that hurt us and she doesn’t even realize that. we also had two major fights where she was acting absolutely unreasonably, was saying things that didn’t make sense and we were both telling that to her in the group chat. the bigger fights always happened on messenger through messages and audio messages, we never really fought in real life, sometimes we would bicker with each other until it became mean, well, mainly from her end but it never escalated to anything. we had another big fight a few days ago, she was saying complete nonsense and we both felt hurt by it. ever since that happened we both been not ignoring her but also not really starting a convo first either, when she’s acting like everything’s fine when it’s not. we both feel hurt by her and she sort of crossed a line a few days ago. the thing is she doesn’t even realize that and she thinks she’s doing the good thing. it’s almost impossible for her to understand that we don’t feel that way though. i talked with my other friend for two hours today about her and what to do. she wants to drop her completely, says it’s too much for her and it’s just really annoying. i don’t want to because she’s not a bad person and we both know it and she actually cares about that, she’s just really hard to deal with sometimes because she’s got a few things slightly messed up in her head. so my other friend came up with an idea that we sit her down and talk to her, if she’ll realize what she’s doing is wrong then we will be able to make it work, if not, she suggests we totally block her everywhere but would still have to see her basically at uni every day and i just know it would be hard. and i really still care about her and i know she does too, she admitted that herself, it’s just hard to deal with and it’s easier for her to drop it. i fear this conversation we will have together will end up being a nasty disaster and we will start fighting. i don’t want to lose either of them, i want us to still be a group together but we really need to set some boundaries. this whole things is making me so anxious, i barely know anyone beside them at my uni and we have so many good memories together and we actually get together very well like 90 or 95% of the time. i really don’t know what to do and ugh, it’s so frustrating…

HI BABY I'M SO SORRY IT'S TAKEN ME SO LONG TO RESPOND!!! I haven't been on in a couple of hours (I had some stuff queued, I swear I wasn't ignoring!!!!!!)

I've def been in situations like this before!! And it really is hard because...you can't MAKE someone see where they're wrong! It's something they have to realize on they're own, and who knows how long that could take??

I think talking to her is a good idea!! Explaining that these things aren't good for you, that they upset you, and that you WANT to preserve the friendship but you need some space!

In my tiny, little opinion...I wouldn't ghost her, if that's a possibility? At least not without talking to her first! I've been ghosted before and it's incredibly difficult to navigate through. Especially if you don't know why or what happened! And it makes it hard to learn how to do better in the future!

I would def say talk to her, attempt to remain friends, or even just...slowly decrease the amount of times you hang out? And maybe she won't notice??

It's hard over text, things can absolutely get misconstrued and so can tones!! That makes it even harder to figure out just WHAT the issue is and how to solve it!!

And if she's got her obsessions and things from her past that make it hard for her going forward, definitely take that into consideration! It's not an excuse but I would try to explain exactly what about her behavior is hurting you in the nicest way you can?? LISTEN I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT EXPLAINING IT VERY WELL BUT

Put yours cards on the table! Explain that you want to stay friends but you'd like some things to change! What she does next is up to her! If she doesn't take it well, maybe mute her? Don't interact or engage for a while. If space seems like the best option, then take as much space as you guys need!

At the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you!!! And I'm so sorry this is something you're having to navigate through!! The good news is, this will be a lesson that will help all of you be better people and friends going forward, and that's such a good thing!!!

I HOPE THIS WAS MAYBE SOMEWHAT HELPFUL, OR AT LEAST GETTING TO VENT!!! I'm so glad you felt safe enough to do that with me!!! And I'm here if you need ANYTHING else!! 😭💞💞💞💞

[loregoddess]

Hm, maybe my memory is poor but I swear that I've seen you reblog Tolkien stuff (or maybe I'm mistaking it and it's all Legend of Zelda posts?)

But there I was talking as if you'd read the books or watched the movies!

I watched the movies so long ago that I forgot a great deal of them and I'm determined to finish the books before I re-watch them so that I can experience the whole original story of LotR without the film giving away the parts I'm still reading.

You'll find out more about Boromir in the first book and the very beginning of the second book. As for Denethor, he appears in the first chapter of the third book (and he had me just a little bit salty, to put it mildly.) You'll also see the Fellowship in all three books!

I'll be honest and say the only reason I have time to read at all is downtime at work and really long wait times for public transit. And I've only just recently began branching out from reading only Discworld to other books that I either read in high school or heard about but didn't get a chance to read yet. I'm keeping track of my reading on an app called StoryGraph, which lets you record start and finish dates and get recommendations based on what you've already read!

I mostly just use it as a reading diary of sorts. But if I ever get through my to-read pile (good luck, it's long) I might see what it recommends me. But even still, I usually go by friends and family's suggestions for any books that I might be interested in.

Haha, no you're right, I have reblogged LotR stuff. I have basically no fear of spoilers, if only bc I have been spoiled on stuff in the past only to not realize it was a spoiler and still get surprised when I reach it in the story anyhow (and also I think the weird culture of "no spoilers" is silly anyhow, bc like, sometimes the fastest way to convince me to look into something is to show me major spoilers that baffle me so much I need to figure out how a story could function to accommodate what I know out of context with the new knowledge).

But no worries, I totally get where the confusion came from. I know just enough LotR from osmosis that I can kinda hold a conversation about it. Your excitement for the stories does get me excited as well, and I really am looking forward to reading them when I can make the time.

Also I feel you on having free time to read things. I think that's part of my issue, is a lack of free time (or energy), but at some point I also developed this weird environmental thing where I couldn't focus on reading if I could hear human voices or if there was too much background noise of a certain type? Which, given that I still live with my family and they are all very noisy (and also assume that they can just start talking to me whenever if I'm sitting in plain sight, which is more or less everywhere where I like to sit to read), makes it hard to actually find the sort of quiet I need to read when I do have the energy for reading.

I used to be a voracious reader too, I was basically always reading a book from middle school through high school, sometimes multiple books. And I used to be able to read in the middle of a school's worth of noise, so I have no idea why all the academic reading I had to do in college messed with my reading habits so much. It's not that I haven't read anything--I made it through Dracula all on my own a year before Dracula Daily happened, just because I was interested in it and wanted to read more classics. And I've made my way through about a third of the complete works of Lovecraft, which are easier for me bc they're all short stories more or less (though I keep stalling reading the next story bc I know it's one of the "almost a novella" length stories). And of course, The Hobbit.

A lot of my free time is limited though, especially since I'm very particular about how things need to be if I'm to do something (which is partly the house situation, partly my brain is my own worst enemy sometimes). I often have to choose between art, video games, writing, general decompressing (i.e. interwebs), or watching something, and usually video games or art/writing win out if I don't need to decompress, because I can deal with being interrupted or ignoring outside noise when playing a game better than I can reading, and no one bugs me when I'm working at my computer generally.

Which hmmm. Actually, I think that might actually have more to do with it than anything, because now that I'm thinking on it I have read a metric ton of manga over the past several years, which I usually use various websites for (and am therefore at my computer). Granted, that's a slightly different storytelling medium than a text-based book, but considering I can finish a completed manga series in roughly a two-week span, I don't think my issue is with focusing on reading so much as it is getting interrupted or having too much background noise...hmmm.....

Well this was an excellent conversation actually, I think I might have figured out part of the reason my brain wants to strike when I do try to read, and if I can get to the root then I can maybe figure out some sort of workaround to trick myself back into reading text-based books again. Which is great, because I have so many books in my to-read pile, and I do want to check out the Discworld books at some point (which I've never read, but they are also books that I just know from out-of-context things that I will love), and I really do miss reading as a leisure activity. So, thank you for prompting this discussion!

[tropics-angel]

I just got out of an abusive relationship that I was in since I was 16yrs old. I am 27 now for reference. It was more emotionally and mentally abusive than anything else. It reached an all time high 2022-2023. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I got sick everytime I went out with a friend bc my immune system was so messed up from never leaving my house. They policed my friendships whilst having a sexual relationship with most of their “friends” and I could never say anything about it without getting punished. Anytime I would bring up a concern they would ghost me for days…they didn’t visit me for months and would not allow me to come over and visit either.If I broke things off they always would want to try again just to treat me worse than before. Besides the cruel treatment,I felt we were growing apart because I was changing myself for the better and they were just getting worse. Maybe this is silly,but music is such a big thing for me and I feel you can tell a lot about a person from their taste in music. When their music taste changed to listening to artists who support rapists or music that is degrading to women in general,I knew the love we had shared was definitely over. I was not perfect in the relationship obviously,bc at 16yrs old you don’t know how to properly love someone since you are just learning about your own self,but at 27 basic things like honesty,kindness,and loyalty are just standard. They began to speak to me so disrespectfully and grew so much hatred for me for finally moving out of the place we shared together because I refused to keep tolerating the abuse. For months, I let them guilt and punish me for leaving until I smacked sense into myself. The demise of this relationship was never my fault,but they gaslit me into thinking I was the one who did it all. The complained that I was not affections as they would’ve like me to be and I do own up to not being as affectionate as I would have liked either,but I did not grow up with affection and it was very overwhelming. When I really wanted to be super mushy ,it was so nerve wracking for me.It’s so much easier for me now,but they claimed the change in me was “too late”. Well I think that’s bullshit. It is never too late to love and I’m so thankful and proud of how far I’ve come healing my familial traumas with 0 support from someone who was supposed to be my partner. This person has shared intimate photos of me with their friend when I was underage and I still stayed because I just so badly wanted things to work and to be loved. I devoted my whole life to this person,even rejecting good job offers to help work at their business that ended up failing.This paragraph cannot even cover half of the cruel things that were done and the things I gave despite the cruelty. Again,I own up to my part in the relationship,but there is NOTHING I could’ve done that would merit the treatment I got. I pray everyday to God that my heart stays soft,open,and forgiving despite all that has happened. I have apologized to my ex for the part I played in the past,however,they have not apologized and I really am not expecting one because they are so totally lost and void of love or compassion. I pray that karma and the consequences of their actions are enough to spark authentic change in their life and heart. Maybe my prayers are working,because I am healing up so nicely. This is a person that I never thought I could live without but I am. I know I’m not at 100% but I am still open to forgiving them and still love them after everything. Even when it’s hard,please stay sweet and kind because you will never lose. It’s so much easier to let go of someone when you know there is no ill will on your side. I don’t harbor bitterness,though I am hurt. It’s okay to be hurt about it because healing is certainly not linear. Everyday I pray to get a little stronger,a little sweeter,and a little wiser. I pray for my lover who made themselves an enemy to me and know that God will deal with them accordingly. STAY FULL OF LOVE AND DON’T LET ANYONE SIPHON IT ALL OUT OF YOU

[thingswhatareawesome]

1.6 thoughts, spoilery

i liked the trl continuation, it was a fun little mystery, and i like how spooky and creepy the abandoned space station areas were. kind of did that ambiance even better than the heliobi event areas. the critter stuff was v cute, and i liked it didn't take long to do, just a couple evenings for me. fairly simple but still fun.

rm is a fucking mad scientist. just fascinating how helpful and nice she's seemed, and how she's so calm, serene, graceful--but also obsessed and really WEIRD. not just wanting to create life, but an eminator of the swarm jfc what NO. good lord. also, the whole not giving a shit about her creations if they're not geniuses is uh, a tiny bit on the eugenics side so yeah.

constrasting her with ratio is interesting. he's arrogant, smarmy, cheesy, but is sort of an opposite in not wanting genius to be deified. yeah he hates dealing with stupid people, but it seems more like his attitude about it is to educate and spread knowledge, and so a non-genius can just do for themselves without needing geniuses. i wasn't expecting to like him super much esp with potential connections to ipc, but honestly he amuses me and rm scares the hell out of me now. so much for the so helpful person from the sim u.

have tried and cleared gold and gears I and II, attempted III twice only to fail on last boss both times (once messing with prop path, then using guide recommended remembrance). close the first time, super close the second time but a small mistake avalanched. went back to II, figure i need to do get clears using certain dice at that rank anyway, and i obv need to get more points for the track that buffs stats and such. have tried a mix of teams with fire mc and luocha--with combos of argenti, dhil, and jing yuan, then today with a recommended team of the first two and jl and dhil. when i'm ready to try III again i'll do that team then with abundance path instead, per the same guide.

idk this makes a little more sense than how swarm was presented? but once i get the erudition path i think i'll be able to go back and make sense of swarm better. i think it might feel easier in comparison maybe too. but yeah once i get clears on III idk if i'll go on to IV. definitely won't ever be bothering with V. my goal is really just the erudition path, not to be completionist, even with the rewards

(doesn't help i'm already v tired of this new sim u anyway, i don't like *having* to grind normal sim u every week as it is, at least it's not got 'finish in x turns' stuff like fh, but it still stresses me out a lot. and my brain does NOT do well with do x grind thing over and over and over and over x1000 when it takes a long time. grind calyxes? fine, takes minutes i'm done. sim u grinding taking what like 45m to an hour is like...god that sucks. esp if i try to do multiples. it's SO goddamned much time. i need to be able to do things in short bursts, or to have a long grind be like on you do it a couple times a week. not over and over every evening for who knows how long. ugh. gonna be hard to keep myself doing it but i want to actually get the path this time.)

put some work in on building blade, but it might go slower bc esp with g and g i need to finish caelus' main fire trace at the least if not all, maybe alternate him and blade main and stats for at least some variety on crimson calyx farming. hopefully i get done with that by the time ratio shows up @__@ looks like hanya and xueyi will be waiting a bit.

[kdipshit]

Balance

Im Finna go get that bag yuuuhhhhhh, so I got my job back holy shit who else is surprised?? Me lol, they said no stuff ups aloud lol, attendance has to be onnnn, its gonna be super easy though because I’m working with my mum who’s got make sure we get to work on time everyday lol, we get along so much better these days so its going to be FUN I loveeeee it already. Not gonna lie the anxiety and all the thoughts that I had when I first left a month ago, and I was scared I wouldn’t be able to show attendance… but like I’ve been doing, I’ve been showing up for MYSELF every single day, why not this swell? Literally why not? I have my goals in my mind, and I probably won’t even work here that long before I can sit comfortably on journalism and my path going this way. Its just that when I started thinking about it I started to feel it, and it wasn’t a good feeling, but now that we know feelings come from thoughts, and we can choose our thoughts, its become a lot easier to adjust to the perspective. I choose the most positive one every time, its a choice, if I did nothing I would go no where, but stay in my thought trapped brain, instead of living in my beautiful life. I choose to live every time.

I feel much better now that I’ve taken my morning meds lol, thank you for all the problems I didn’t have to face. There Is a version of myself in my head that I haven’t heard for a while, I’m very loud but blunt, cut throat and quick. Very much wanting to come forward, I’m trying to keep positive though.

The sweetness of doing nothing.

When I’m triggered and it turns to irritation and anger, it’s like I’m pacing back and forth in my head wondering why someone would do this harm to me, immediate victim complex. I feel stuck still, unable to move, usually scrolling vigorously is the only thing that can keep me calm and level headed, so I just did that but it’s so irritating holy fuck. I just don’t like being yelled at and i can just see a system going on like my dad yelled at me coz he thought I didn’t do something because when he walked in my mum was doing it AGAIN, and I was like no I did it lol, and then I still get screamed at and made feel like shit and it’s not like my mum would be on my side and say ‘no I’m just doing it again because we’re about to have visitors’ and she’s crazy fkn ODC but whatever. It’s my fault, and now I leave everything for my mum to just do herself apparently, walking around saying ‘ugh I’ll just do it myself’ like what do you mean I’ve been doing the house all morning the house was not a mess when you walked in, you didn’t complain about a messy house you just did what you always do and clean bc your anxious. I’m on the verge of tears bc of this shit holy fuck man, I’ve got a whole ass frog in my throat over some silly ass trigger, it’s so stupid. The feeling I feel when I’m getting attacked by my parents is ummmm….. I don’t know. Lol. It’s like I’m 16 again with no rights lol. I know it’s something so small, but it effects me, but because it effects only me, I should only really be dealing with these issues by myself, so I never let it out towards them and I keep it chill on the outside, but that causes me to freeze. So now I need to figure out a way to deal with it without taking it out on myself and feeling the guilt and anxiety to an extreme, I guess the answer is to write ✍️ I guess the answer for everything lately has been to write, my mum is hoping that by me expressing my feelings and shit thru a blog might help someone else who is feeling so much alone.

I’m happy now, I have a full vape, a clean 50, and WORK tomorrow! I’m grateful I have been more open to phone calls, because that is what I can thank myself for being able to go to work tomorrow, I’m really excited, a lil anxious, maybe it’s just excitement, I’m ready, and I’m so excited for the other things this job is going to give me. As well as coming to the full acceptance of me being single for maybe the rest of my life, I’m excited to see my life in my career, in my study in my work. I’ve been love lead for my entire life, but my version of love is unobtainable, instead I can find ways to give it to myself, since I have the power of the source. I’m ready to get rich, or die trying.

i was so excited… coming back into the music world, to start writing again producing just fan having that feeling of making amazing shit that you really love like, I love that sahit, when I came to the not pad however my rhymes were so whack literally like I was blank. I just gotta keep that ball rolling coz this verse I’m tweaking now is fun good shit cuz, its diff weirdly, and thats all goods coz it sounds gangsta, and I love it.

The version of myself I want to step into, has her routine and positive attitude and goals and is sorted absolutely content and happy with the over flowing of money in my bank account, good coping mechanism and the space to relax and appreciate every single moment and what it ultimately brings me (my manifestations) I am it already, the independence , the growth, the knowledge.

I need balance other wise I get burnt out. By healing I’m hoping to get better and better every day, and I know there’s milestones in healing and those are what I’m trying to accomplish so I can live my most free life. Focus on the journey… not the outcome, okay, so that’s what I’m trying to do right now…… focus on the journey, not the outcome, have faith that the outcome will be the best outcome possible for my journey and I let it go into the universe, while I focus on the journey.

Do I just have to not scratch that itch to check if my ex messaged me? Is that literally all I need to do? Okay I guess :)

I have come to realise I need to balance my material and emotional lives, I’m unhinged, lol, I don’t think I actually am I just felt like that was the right word, so maybe I am right.

I sometimes think if someone else can’t do it for me, I can’t do it for myself either, is that a self worth issue? Or am I scared of being judged for doing something first? That way of thinking wastes so many opportunities and ways of life.

[cryosewn]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. ( REPOST DO NOT REBLOG ! ) 

✿ NAME: guin !!!! ‘guin’ from guinevere ... it’s a long story. 

✿ PRONOUNS: she/they. but i’m fine with other pronouns too. 

✿ PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: i do prefer discord bc i have multiple tumblr accs so i might not always be available on tumblr. 

✿ NAME OF MUSE(S): caiying !!! i have a couple of other ocs on another blog but it’s lowkey right now. 

✿ EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): my god. way too many. i started rping in like 2012-ish I think? i had a bit of a break between 2019-2020 because life became hectic. but i usually do at least a little bit of rping here and there when i do have an rp blog. 

✿ PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: i’ve done pretty much 99% tumblr rping. i did skype / discord once or twice but i do just like sticking with what i’m used to. 

✿ BEST EXPERIENCE: i think i’m having my best experience right now ! idk i just think now that i’ve grown up and matured quite a bit since i’ve started, i learned how to make rping more fun than before. 

✿ RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: i also second being mean. idk maybe it is because i’m an adult. an elderly individual now. but i really don’t have time or patience to deal with people that have bad intentions or who think it’s okay to mess with someone just because we’re online so you feel like you don’t owe people anything. you do owe people respect and decency. sense of entitlement is not cute !!! it’s just not !!!!

✿ FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: i haven’t rped smut much but i think about it .... sometimes. in my mind i conjure up the intimacy of it all and what it means for my muse. anyway -- i probably do prefer a healthy mix of fluff and angst. i like things to be used for development most of the time instead of things happening just because. i guess maybe the fourth option is that i’m just into whatever furthers character development. 

✿ PLOTS OR MEMES: i think either can be good. now, because i don’t always have time to write, i do prefer plotting with my mutuals for starters and pre-est stuff ( i love pre-est stuff so much. that is the hill i will die on ). memes can be fun because i usually do just go absolutely wild with writing them but i can’t do a lot of them at one time. 

✿ LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: i mainly do longer replies. i can’t always write like 5+ paras but i do prefer para writing over doing sentence long replies. i also can just go on forever if the inspiration hits me when i’m writing. it’s about the stream of consciousness ..... 

✿ BEST TIME TO WRITE: i’m an evening / night writer. that’s the only time i really can sit down and write. 

✿ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): maybe a bit ??? i’m not really sure. if i am, i hope it’s just that i’m a nice person who cares about her loved ones ^^ ;; 

tagging: just steal it from me ! tagged by: @yakshiaos

[mjgreys]

Endless sky campaign walkthrough

#ENDLESS SKY CAMPAIGN WALKTHROUGH PLUS#

#ENDLESS SKY CAMPAIGN WALKTHROUGH FREE#

Do you farm korath tech first to make the falcons more capable? Or do you wait until you have beetles to do the korath farming? I’ve done both, no preference. A bunked out falcon can absolutely steal 2 (or maybe 3? I doubt it….) Shield beetle ships which sell for around $8 million each.

#ENDLESS SKY CAMPAIGN WALKTHROUGH FREE#

You could start the free worlds campaign….or head to hai space and start the cycle all over again. You now have the potential for a large fleet and the means to sustain it by selling bounty ships.

#ENDLESS SKY CAMPAIGN WALKTHROUGH PLUS#

You can eventually get falcons and leviathans this way, plus marauder falcons which are amazing. No big deal, once a bounty ship is disabled, you can leave the system, land, come back and its still there waiting, leaving you to refill crew and capture them all. Bounty missions are great because nobody messes with your bounties….except the crews who like to blow themselves up now and then. So now you have your fleet and youve been nobody’s bit….chump about it. With 3 or 4 falcon escorts fully outfitted, you should be able to start taking bounty missions. Now you can start drawing ships you want away from the center of system to make it easier to capture before it gets mowed down by the zealously murderous military. You shuold be grabbing any other ship worth your time to sell as well to pay off the bank loan and keep up with crew salary. Once you have a falcon, you can certainly bunk it out to get more falcons and start a fleet. My typical progression looks like this: Shuttle>argosy>bastion>falcon>beetle Once you are using an argosy, its time to buy rifles and grenades for attack in the nearby system of sargas, just dont forget to move them when you change ships. Keep trying, it takes a while bc everyone loves murdering slave children pirate crews. If you are struggling to get there in time. Again, no shields, no weapons, just enough power to move and the rest is outfit expansions and bunks. You want speed at least 200 but not much more, and turning over 50. Now you have a machine gun, ho…ho….ho….wait, thats not right.ĭont bother building a fleet at this pointunless you just want to, just snag an argosy and sell anything else you grab to pay bills and refit the argosy for max bunks like you did the shuttle. This will help prevent the ship from being taken out by all the kamikaze pirates who cant resist diving at weakened ships. Once you have successfully boarded a ship and captured it, click “done”on the boarding panel and immediately hit the hyperdrive jump button to get out ofd the system, and as soon as you are in aldhibain, immediately click the land button to automatically land on the planet. The best time to do this is when there are a lot of ships in range of the military/trader ships so that they turn to the next ship instead of taking the time to finish off the one you want. Then its 1 in 100 to snag it without it getting blown up. Follow it around until other ships disable it. All you do is left click the ship you want when it comes in so its in the right-hand active target indicator on the hud. This part can be frustrating, tedious, challenging, repetitive, and is super rewarding because this is the action of not being an errand boy.īasically all you do is lurk around so the main planet (where inbound ships congregate) is at the edge of your screen so you can see inbound pirate ships, but they wont be as likely to come after you. You can certainly take jobs that are on the way, but if you dont pay off any of your loan early yet, you wont need to. Open your map and click on aldhibain since it has a ship yard. Head to alniyat system (“map south-west” in what will be called free worlds region), land, now hire crew and take off again. No weapons, no shields, downgrade thruster and turning thruster, buy outfit expansion and max out bunks. New game, pick shuttle, skip tutorial (get lost old man!!) And gut it. Quickstart guide: not for fitfirst timers, the spoilers and tactic will ruin the game lol, this is for speed starting once youve seen it all so you can breeze through the story archs with absurd levels of ease. Its argueably muuuuuch faster money and good for practicing those combat skills. Thats right, grab a shuttle and get ready to steal pirate ships for a living. this is intended to help you understand a fine tuned system for getting through all current story up to 0.9.9 in a quick manner without doing any of the taxi/cargo etc missions found in the job panel. Finish FW and Wander campaign before even reading. This guide is not intended for noobs as there are many big spoilers and also because it is so simplified it makes the game boring if you haven’t already done it a few times.

[doebt]

ik why i stay up so late like this man its bc i just want to feel something SO bad. so i will stay up reading or whatever except its not even really reading its just skimming random stuff on ao3 to see if anything hits me in my feelings hard enough for it to matter. and it turns into this thing of me looking up progressively more messed up stuff until i can find something dark enough to make me feel anyhting and even THEN theres usually like nothing. and if i DO find something that makes me feel something then i get so worked up about it i have to keep looking for more bc im like addicted to feeling emotions

[snackleggg]

Guardian Spirit au

Danny is a Guardian Spirit, except Guardian Spirits in this au are truly terrifying.

They focus a lot more on the guarding aspect of being a Guardian Spirit then being comforting or approachable, so they look terrifying. Like a massive chimera of different animals and eldritch abomination looking stuff.

Guardian Spirits are generally some of the most powerful ghosts and most ghosts know not to mess with them unless you want to have a second funeral. They are also usually mistaken to be demons and malevolent spirits by humans even though they just want to guard the thing they are guarding and be left alone.

Appearances are deceiving in this case bc even though Guardian Spirits look terrifying as heck they are usually pretty docile and kind as long as you dont try to hurt/take the thing they are guarding.

For example Pandora is a Guardian Spirit, most Guardian Spirits are animalistic in appearance with Pandora being one of the few exceptions (though that doesnt mean they have less sentience or intelligence, they just look like animals and can usually talk as well)

Anyway back to Danny, because of the nature of his creation and of course his obsession his ghost half ends up being a Guardian Spirit. Unfortunately he drew the short end of the stick and instead of looking vaguely human in his ghost form like Pandora he looks absolutely terrifying.

He's about the size of a two story building (maybe a little bigger). He has huge feathery wings, a scorpion tail, is four legged with bird feet with sharp talons, has thick white fur all over the rest of his body, and of course he has an elk skull as a head. His eyes are still glowing green but it's just the iris and pupil, the selera is pitch black in the sunken eyes of the skull.

Thankfully he only looks like that in ghost form. Not so thankfully this monstrous appearance obviously doesn't help disprove his parents claim that all ghosts are emotionless monsters that need to be eradicated.

Protecting Amity park is easier in this au since most ghosts take one look at Danny's ghost form and just nope out of there. The exceptions being Skulker (who wants to catch Danny even more because he is a halfa AND a guardian spirit) and Box ghost who is just stupid about not angering incredibly powerful being.

Danny goes through an angsty faze of "am I a monster?" But his friends and soon his sister pull him out of that and when they meet Pandora and they find out that Danny is a Guardian Spirit the boy accepts and is happy with this part of himself.

The main threat to Danny in this au are his parents and the GIW since of course a giant ghost monster that appears from nowhere and disappears seemingly into thin air attracts more attention and seems like a bigger threat.

Meanwhile Danny is just trying to get by. Sometimes he goes through partial transformations that are troublesome to deal with without anyone noticing (these include: scorpion tail, the wings, having the top of the elk skull appear on his face sort of like a mask he can take that one off of his face and it dissipates but the other ones are actually part of his body)

In this au he meets other Guardian Spirits (tho Pandora is basically like his unofficial mentor/mom), has to avoid the GIW and his parents, has to try and convince the town that the scary looking huge chimera is NOT going to hurt anyone, and also deal with Vlad trying to capture him to work for him like his vultures do (Vlad has no idea Danny is the Guardian Spirit in this au, he is increasingly annoyed that this Guardian Spirit keeps foiling his plans to kill Jack)

Also I might throw in some Ghost king Danny just because I think Guardian Spirit!Danny would beat Pariah Darks ass. Plus the image of a crown that looks so tiny in comparison with Danny's huge elk skull head is just hilarious (tho I'd probably have it so the crown of fire changes based on the king so it would probably change to be big and intimidating to fit on Danny's ghost form's head, but change to a normal size whenever he changes back to human)

The partial transformations are caused bc Danny has to transform into his ghost form at least every few days or else it starts transforming on it's own so yeah Danny can't have his ghost form lay low even if there arent any ghosts attacking Amity.

[readerxlit]

Uh OK I can't sleep it's 5am I have a doctor's appointment and I've got brainrot so;

Shin Tsukimi w/ a male s/o:

He's probably known he wasn't straight for a long time but I don't think he thinks about it a lot

Just like sometimes will see an attractive person and go "oh shit I'm gay(umbrella term)"

All is to say he's not surprised he's attracted to you but he is surprised when he's thinking so much about it

Probably confesses on accident if he does at all bc he's a nervous wreck about it and also a loser (affectionate)

Confess to him to make life easier and also to flustere him

Not a huge pda fan especially bc people suck and he does not want to deal with THAT but he will stand close to you maybe leaning if he can get away with it

In private however this man is starved for affection and touch that is actually comfortable so once he's comfortable with you he is so clingy

And like he'll pretend he's not too. Oh it's just more convenient to sit this close to you. Oh you're just more comfortable to lay against . Oh you're just....in possession of nice hands

His hands are very soft and canonically well kept so nice to hold

He wants very much to be the big spoon and honestly? Let him its kinda nice

But also hold him in your arms he'll love it

Does not initiate kissing like ever. Honestly kind of a mess about it. Very: *grabs your arms or sleeves and just holds on while kissing*

Back to the not being here for pda thing: absolutely will just leave if you try to kiss him in public. You can get away with cheek or forehead kisses but he'll pout about it

Shin is very bad at acting like- well you've played yttd and in retrospect he's not committed to the act at all. Which is all to say: this man is really bad at pretending he's not So in love with you

Everyone knows. But God he doesn't want them too. Convincing him it's okay and the others don't care is surprisingly difficult considering how not straight so many people he knows obviously are.

But once you do wow! He's so relieved

A little-read pretty- self conscious about being *weaker than a grade schooler* so unless you're also weak as hell (which: mood) you've gotta let that go unremarked on most of the time

He makes every excuse for why you should do the lifting and the opening of jars to avoid admitting he just can't

I don't know where I'm going with this post honestly

Uh I only write sfw content but mention of Not sfw real quick (I don't know how to putaread more on mibile):

Look I know I get it everyone thinks "sub shin" and you're right but hear me out: switch. He can and will he's just somehow very soft and mean simultaneously which is baffling but also yeah that's him

[isolemnlyswear]

ooo could i request a remus x fem! reader where both of them are very shy so it takes lily, james and sirius to push them together. and whenever they talk to each other they stutter a lot?

always have, always will.

a/n : guess what! i made this way too intense again. i can't help it; its so much easier for me to write a really fucking intense love rather than a crush IM SORRY !! the end is the only cute part the rest is shite

HAPPY (very belated bc i don't have any motivation) BIRTHDAY REMUS MY BEAUTIFUL BOY

taglist : @oldschoolkiddo @amourtentiaa @anchoeritic @faeinorbit @tomriddleswifey @inks-and-jinx @jxsperhxle @punkrific @the-gazette-of-tea @krasivayadarling @orifortheweeknd @fallin-4-ya @incxndio @daisyyy2516 @hoe4cedricdiggory

young!remus lupin x fem!reader

---

"Oh." you sigh, blinking when you see Remus inside. Your huff isn't one of discontent; rather, as you enter the common room, you're simply nervous, timid to deal with the boy. As soon as you want to speak in front of him, to tell him that you really, really like him, you start blushing, turning into a stammering mess.

Alas, you swallow your fear, sitting down on the plush maroon chair opposite him and Sirius; Lily is on the floor, flipping through a potions book, and James is sprawled across your coordinating chair. Remus is lying against the side of the couch, knees up with arms wrapped around his legs. He's smiling, laughing at a joke Sirius told prior to your arrival.

Your heart is aching in your chest, and you try to will it to stop yearning for this boy, but there's a voice inside your head. One that tells you that he's all you could ever need.

Such thoughts reduce you to mush when Lily notices your arrival.

"There she is! How are 'ya?" the redhead greets you happily, and such a simple question is blocked out by your tunnel vision; you can only focus on one thing at the moment, and it's Remus.

You don't speak for a moment, zoning out, but when your eyes meet those of Remus, you quickly snap out of your trance, shaking your head.

"'M fine. J-just tired, I think 'm gonna go upstairs-" you manage to say, but you're cut off by an incredulous Sirius.

"S'five in the afternoon!" he says with a laugh, and you nod.

"And?" you quip, focus now returned when you tear your eyes away from Remus.

"Y'gotta stay down here, dinner's soon!" Lily replies, and you glare at her. She knows exactly why you want to leave at the moment, rather, she knows about how in love you are with one of your best friends. She raises her hands in mock surrender, and you sigh.

It's almost painful, the next hour. You're trying so hard to not make it alarmingly obvious concerning your... issue, but it's proving to be quite difficult.

And then, finally, it's dinner. You're able to get away with not talking, as you pretend to be eating anytime you're asked a question, and Remus is silent as well.

You eventually can sneak away to your dorm, wanting to sleep to rid yourself of the thoughts that give you no reprieve during the day.

But, of course, your dreams are of Remus.

---

Unbeknownst to you, and Remus, the entire rest of the marauders (and about half your year) are painfully aware of your affection for the boy.

And his for you.

So they hatch a plan; it’s simple, but effective.

You're all lounging in the common room -a typical Saturday afternoon - when James poses an odd request.

“Hey, Y/N? D’you wanna go look at something for me?” he asks, fighting back the smile that threatens at his lips. You nod, eager to get away from the tension that you and Remus are swamped by.

“What is it?” you ask as he gets up, leading you up the stairs and to his dorm room. You're confused, eyebrows furrowing and hands wringing nervously.

“You'll see.” James grins at you as you enter the dorm room - which has four beds, three of which are littered with laundry and other teenage boy things, but one is impeccably neat, and you assume it to be Remus’s.

“James, what-” you begin, but he shushes you with a laugh.

“Lily’s cat won't get out of this closet, y’see, and I know you're good with animals and the like, so could you...get it? For Lily, f’course, ” he asks, pointing to a rather large closet in the corner of their dorm.

You raise your eyebrows, but nod, opening the doors and getting in, eyes searching for Lily’s feline friend.

But as soon as you drop to your knees, a soft thud reverberates through the closet. James had shut the doors, and the closet was big enough to where you weren't claustrophobic, thankfully. But there is no cat in sight. None.

Downstairs, however, James had strolled in nonchalantly, and Lily’s grinning.

“What did you do this time, Prongs?” Remus sighs, unaware that the others around him are all aware of their little plot.

“Maybe you should go upstairs and find out,” James says ominously, raising a dark eyebrow. Remus glares at him, sighing.

“Where’s Y/N?” he asks, still holding his gaze on the brunette. Lily giggles, and Remus shoots her an impatient glare. “What did you do to her?” The question is directed at no one in particular, but the irascible tone in the lycanthrope’s voice demands an answer.

“Once again, go upstairs and find out, mate.” James’s tone, however, is one of amusement.

Remus takes in a querulous breath, turning to stomp up the stairs.

Undivulged to him, James is sneakily creeping up the stairs behind the boy.

You're pounding at the mahogany of the closet door, and you've forgotten your wand downstairs, leaving you helpless in the space. You ponder why James would do such a thing, but you brush it off, figuring it was another prank, one of all too many.

“Y/N?” Remus questions hesitantly into the empty dorm, and your ears prick up at his voice.

“I'm in here!!” you shout, pounding at the closet door, and Remus rushes to open it for you.

But as soon as he's inside, helping you up, James, with a flick of his wand, shuts the door.

You're locked in.

With Remus.

And it's absurd, really, how quickly your heart is beating in your ribcage.

“Prongs I swear to Merlin-” Remus starts irritably, but stops himself with a tremulous inhale.

“Fuck,” you whisper, cowering to the back of the closet. Remus’s scent is surrounding you, the honey and chocolate and dark cologne enveloping you in a blanket of bliss. You’re thankful for the dim nature of the closet, for your cheeks are rouging with embarrassment.

Little known to you, Remus’s heart is pounding in his ears, and he’s even more entranced by your scent, what with his dog-like sense of smell. It's his favorite scent in the world, truly, one he could get lost in forever.

“Sorry,” the boy whispers, slumping down across the space from you, and you quirk a brow.

“W-what are you sorry for, Remus?” you ask quietly, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“I got us locked in here, didn't I?” You can hear the soft smile in his voice, a bittersweet one.

“But that isn't too bad, is it?” you say, courage surging through your bones as the darkness shields your nerves.

“Oh yeah?” he asks under his breath, laughing softly.

“What, am I that unbearable?” you tease, tucking a strand of fallen hair behind your ear.

“No,” Remus says remarkably quickly, and then he hesitates for a second. “Quite the opposite.” His voice is barely above a whisper, but his words ring in your ears like a mantra.

“That's quite cryptic,” you say, taking in a deep breath.

“Y’gonna make me spell it out for you?”

“If you mean what I think you do, fuck, either I'm being terribly idiotic right now or...” you trail off, noticing that Remus is closer to you, now.

“Or what?” he breathes, and you close your eyes slowly.

“Or...if you're, um, insinuating what I think you to be, and I get words out correctly enough to respond...” you leave the rest of the sentence unsaid, words trapped in your throat.

“What then?” Remus says ever-so-quietly, and you take in another breath, eyes still pressed closed.

“I'd be making the best decision of my life.”

You can hear the boy’s breath hitch in his throat. You open your eyes to see that he's next to you, now, and the soft light from under the door that illuminates you as the sun lowers is glimmering on his skin, bouncing off the scars in his skin and the gold flecks in his eyes.

“Perhaps... Perhaps it’d be right of you to make that assumption. That I'm saying what you think I am, that is.” He breathes slowly, and your eyes flick to him again.

“This conversation is the most cryptic thing I've ever heard,” you say quietly with a laugh, and Remus nods in agreement.

“We’re getting the point across, though, aren't we?” he jests, and you giggle. Your expression then turns serious, and you turn so that you're facing the boy.

“Could I... Could I take you up on that offer of spelling it out?” you say breathlessly, and Remus smiles gently.

“We could say it on three,” he suggests, and you laugh.

“Merlin, we're like toddlers. Fine, on your count, then,” you reply with a nod, heart a jackhammer in your chest.

“One... Two...” he pauses for a second, and you let out a breath.

He's fully facing you, as well, and you see a glint in his eyes that's so familiar yet so new.

“Fuck this,” he says before the last count, and your eyes widen. “I love you, Y/N. I'm- I'm in love with you.” he admits, shutting his eyes like he's ripping off a particularly menacing bandaid.

You don't respond for a moment, mouth open in shock. But as soon as you snap out of your trance, you notice the boy’s posture; he's nervous, recoiled as if he's worried you wouldn't say it back.

You place a delicate hand on the side of his face, thumbing over his cheek, and he relaxes at your touch, still not opening his eyes.

You softly press your lips to his, and he responds instantaneously, one hand reaching to pull you in by your waist, the other resting on your cheek.

There's a fire exploding inside you, and it’s glorious, golden sparks erupting after being kept inside for so long. Your lips are dancing in a delicate rhythm with his, like they were meant to. He tastes like chocolate and bliss, and his hand wraps in your hair, tongue swiping over your lips gently.

After what feels simultaneously like an eternity and no time at all, you break away for air, resting your forehead against his.

“Now it's my turn to infer from that,” he breathes after a moment, and you smile.

“Not quite as cryptic, you'll find.” You smile, kissing him again. “I love you, Remus Lupin. Always have, always will.”