#well obvious to all the Laurents on tumblr

[merrivia]

Okay so here’s a question. What are your interpretations of this part of Captive Prince? I’m not sure if I’m overthinking it, but I’m never sure if I’ve grasped it properly?

Nicaise is filled with horror by the idea that Laurent will tell the Regent he wants him. Laurent clearly never would and is filled with pity at the thought.

So what would be the actual consequences of Laurent telling the Regent he wants Nicaise?

I have assumed that Nicaise, for all his frightened posturing, knows that to end up as a pawn between Laurent and the Regent is far worse than his current precarious and tragic situation, on the cusp of being discarded anyway.

I’m just wondering what specifically Laurent thinks will wreck Nicaise. Destroy him somehow. Is it realising just how disposable he is to the Regent? Even as Nicaise determinedly clings, the frightened child that he is, to the delusion the Regent won’t dispose of him, he also knows deep inside he will. Is that the truth that would destroy him?

Or just how evil the Regent is? That he has been abused into loving someone capable of horrific things, and once he sees Nicaise as a vulnerability for Laurent, the Regent will use and abuse him in order to further hurt, undermine and destroy Laurent?

I feel it’s one of those moments that elusively remain out of my grasp, so honestly someone please enlighten me 🙏

[sunshinereddie]

8 shows to get to know me

thanks for the tag @jwilliambyers !! <3 sorry it took a little while for me to reply heheh but now that i’m back from my tumblr break let me answer!!

1) supernatural. i feel like this one is pretty obvious LOL this show…….. permanently changed my brain chemistry- for better or for worse who can truly tell,,, but seriously, i had SUCH an attachment to this show as a 13/14/15 year old and at the time it was like,, the only important thing in my life lmao. it was the best show in the world and i lived and breathed spn for many of my teenage years…. and even though now i do recognize that it’s not the best i still love rewatching spn, it brings me a sort of comfort that’s hard to explain! and when i was struggling with things as a young teenager, spn was what i always turned to to make me feel better :’) plus,,, it was my introduction to tumblr fandoms lmao so. you’ve all got spn to thank for this account i guess!!!

2) derry girls. i finally watched this show a few weeks ago and i binged it all in just a few days because everything about it was AMAZING!!! i loved all the characters so much and i loved how this show really embraced its silliness. i feel like we don’t have enough “silly” shows and derry girls is just the perfect example of an amazing silly show!!! i highly recommend it to everyone!!

3) how to get away with murder. this show was SO GOOD and so so intense,, like i was stressed out every single episode lmao. but in a good way! i loved all (well, most) of the characters and this show does such a good job of getting you very attached to certain characters……. and then breaking your heart bc of them :’) the amount of times i cried aahh!!! also, all the plot twists are super well done in my opinion!! such an insane show i was literally watching like 😨😨😨 90% of the time lmao. also, queer rep!!!!

4) gilmore girls. okay. i am both a gilmore girls lover AND a gilmore girls hater. there are certain parts of this show that i absolutely adore and that make it such a comfort show for me, but other parts (and characters…) that annoyed me so much that it actually made me stop watching the show for the while lmao. but overall i do really like gilmore girls, it’s both a comfort show and a hatewatching show to me hehehe. the vibes of season 1 in stars hollow is unmatched though!!!

5) great pretender. i think great pretender is probably my favourite anime! i love a good found family heist story so this really just hit all the marks for me hehehe and in case you couldn’t tell,,, im a very character-driven person with my media, so if there are good characters in a show, there is a 99% chance that i will just love that show regardless of the plot lmao. i love laurent and makoto and abby and cynthia so much ;-; i also just loved all the twists and turns that this anime took, it’s unlike any other anime i’ve watched and agh!!!!! it’s incredible :’)

6) mob psycho 100. mp100 is like the perfect mix of shounen with action and fighting and stuff (and all the fight scenes are AMAZING like the animation ???? it’s so good oh my god and im not even the biggest shounen fan) with like. just slice of life and it’s so perfect :’) it’s so fun to watch, but it’s such a well written and exciting story and of course. AMAZING CHARACTERS!!!!!

7) haikyuu. haikyuu was one of the first animes i ever watched back in like 2014! so again, it has a very special place in my heart :’) i never thought i could care this much about a volleyball team but i do!! also, the rewatchability of haikyuu is UNMATCHED,, i think i’ve rewatched season 2 at least 10 times because it just brings me so much joy!! and again, i don’t know if i’ve watched a show with characters i care as much about as the haikyuu characters!! each and every one of them are so well-written like it’s insane to me- they’re all so good i can’t even pick a favourite!! also fun fact: haikyuu is the fandom that i’ve written the most fanfiction for! i’ve never posted any of it, but i’ve got a LOT of little haikyuu drabbles and one shots and planned-out fics in my google docs lmao- more than all my reddie fics actually! maybe i’ll post some if anyone is interested :’)

8) our flag means death. last but certainly not least,, ofmd is such a special show to me!!! i always had a little interest in pirates growing up, so when i first heard about 1. this new pirate show and 2. this new QUEER pirate show, i knew that i had to watch it!!!! and im so glad that i did because it is spectacular :’) again i feel like this is a show that embraced its silliness, but also the serious moments and plot points were so well written and such an amazing contrast to the silliness. i love this show so much and i’m so excited for season 2!!!

thank you again anita for this tag!!! im going to tag @edskasbpraks @lemonleafloser @scrunchi @reddieswift and @transkasp and anyone else who wants to do it !!!! no pressure though :)

[felikatze]

Plusquam Chapter 7 director's commentary because i adore being a blabbermouth

hi hi hello. i am going to talk about my fic and nobody can stop me but i don't want to turn the ao3 author's notes into their own 30k novel so yelling on tumblr it is!!

if you are interested in SOME of the machenations of my enigmatic mind, feel free to read. If not. Well i don't care really it's your life. I'm writing this for MY enjoyment.

First of!! I dunno if I talked about them before!! (I have the memory of a goldfish). The silly codenames!!

As I may or may not have mentioned before, the inspiration for this came from the Project Thabes mod for Awakening. In the ferox duel, the mod replaces the generics with inigo, severa, owain, and gerome. The awakening trio get their fates names (a coward's move, but one i understand), but gerome is named michalis, which i just enjoy soooo much???

so when i initially planned out for all the future kids to band together with lucina, i decided they all had to have codenames! otherwise there's really no point in lucina having one....

merric for laurent was the biggest no brainer of all of them, with caeda for severa being a close second. feel free to interpret why. gerome was obviously taken from the thabes mod, and the rest were... a challenge... to come up with!

owain actually gave me a lot of trouble. what WOULD he name himself? i've not finished shadow dragon myself (I only played the prologue so far... haha...), and most i know of the cast comes from mitosis. and scarf's new mystery lunatic reverse run on youtube. and it was that run that reminded me. that kris's confect is an item in the game. meaning that awakening era people know kris exists. except wasn't kris' deal that they like. did not want to be noted down in history.

hence kris being a "heavily debated historical subject". which of COURSE owain would name himself after an unsung but vitally important hero of the shadows.

others i may discuss as they come up? eh, we'll see. not every future kid is gonna be important (god knows that's way too many characters for me to handle), but they will be There. main focus of course being the fp3 squad, with the addition of two others. it is very obvious who it will be, i think.

next up, pairings!

most pairings werent set, outside the ones that are my obvious favorites (panne/lonqu, henlivia, chrobin (duh)). others were up in the air and just happened as i wrote. as i thought about gerome in this, and chatted about the subject with friends, frederick/cherche came to be for this fic! (and for the shrek au, oddly enough. it may have just been on my mind, and i thought chrom missing freddie's wedding was funny.)

it suited my purposes best if gerome had a stronger emotional tie to the blueberry siblings, and a knightly duty to protect them served just that. hence the dialogue of lucina being his liege. he's so utterly disinterested in getting to know the people of the past that i needed that extra bit to keep him coherent. he won't get close to anyone, but he'll do anything to support lucina's aims as though they were his own.

which brings me to the next subject, lucina's PoV! This is the first perspective switch in all of plusquam (not just because I couldn't meet my 4k benchmark with morgan alone this time). Since Morgan and Lucina act separately and won't encounter often, I needed the extra time to establish her character here. To me, there's a clear dissonance between how Morgan views her and how Lucina is. Both of them are unreliable narrators to varying degrees, yet how they differ is where the meat is.

Like, for example, Morgan completely rejecting that Lucina is Robin's child as well, and not just Chrom's, because Grima told them Lucina was different. As compared to the actual Lucina still deeply affected by Robin, and even engaging with grimleal theology on an even field because of him and the other plegian influences in her life.

there's also the matter of her narration style. I waffled back and forth on whether to give her second person narration as well, but ultimately decided on third person limited, with a catch - she exclusively refers to everyone, including herself, by their codenames.

in both their perspectives, i want to create separation between their original names and who they act as. With morgan, this succeeds because the viewpoint has no need to mention their name whatsoever, and with lucina, it succeeds because she's the one creating that distance in her own mind. it's fun to play with!

ah, siblings. so different, yet so similar.

as for the pronouns situation on lucina's pov. well. schrödinger's transgender.

minor thing. i hate adapting canon scenes close to script, hence me just freestyling when lucina and co meet chrom and squad. there's also just... no future portal risen roaming about, which would've made the point moot anyway. that's a very interesting consequence to play with.

having an endless army of generic undead is lame. having to draw on the actual dead of the immediate area - now we're getting spicy!

despite everything, i have grown attached to the risen wyvern and its chittering ways, but it sadly has to go. there's a reason morgan never named it. farewell my sweet prince. aurgh. i mean. this thing has been with morgan through the entire past so far. and it just fell apart more and more over time. crashing into a wall and breaking its neck, having half its throat torn out - poor thing. good thing it can't feel pain anymore.

that is, i think, all i wanted to blabber about? if you're a reader of plusquam, hi, i love you, i hope you have a great day, you may summon me for one turn of battle without expending an action and i will appear as a shimmering blue specter to protect you from harm.

that's all!! see you next time!! as usual, if anyone has questions of their own, or wants to yell at me for hurting their feelings, shoot me an ask, a comment, or anything at all! see ya!! ily!!

[laurentspup]

Booty Call (Lamen AU)

I saw this tumblr post on twitter and because I’m insane I had to write this in Lamen version. 

This is my first time writing a full smut (that isn’t lap grindings or tease blowjobs) so if the inexperience is obvious... well. 

Content Warnings: a little exhibitionism because it’s happening while Damen is on a phone call, rough sex, hair-pulling, choking

I posted this on AO3 too! I hope you all enjoy this one! :D

---

Booty Call

“Fuck, Damen!” Laurent moaned out. His guts were currently being rearranged by his boyfriend on their bed. He was on his stomach, head facing sideways. His hands tightly gripped the sheets beside his head, ass up meeting Damen’s delicious, hard thrusts.

Damen was very rough with Laurent tonight, thrusting hard and fast as if they hadn’t seen each other for a week, when they had been all over each other last night too. Truly, he was just insatiable and Laurent lived for that. Similarly, Laurent also craved for Damen’s touch since he was the one who initiated the fucking tonight. 

“Laurent.” Damen growled, thrusting his hips particularly hard, reaching Laurent’s prostate. Laurent almost blacked out at the sensation and cried out a long moan. “You liked that?” Damen asked, repeating the action.

“Yes. Please. Damen.” Laurent said incoherently, words getting lost in moans. He felt his release getting very close, his body growing more pliant under Damen.

Damen slowed his thrusts then, knowing well that the slower he moved, the closer Laurent would be to cumming. It drove Laurent crazy how attuned Damen was to his reactions. Damen draped his upper body over Laurent because he needed to be closer to him. His arms beside Laurent’s shoulders kept him steady so he wouldn’t crush him with his weight. He sucked beneath Laurent’s jaw, and Laurent gasped. This was one of the things that drove him even closer to his pleasure and Damen knew how to ignite every part of him on fire.

He was so, so close. He turned his head so Damen could nuzzle on his neck even more while his hips thrusted slow but deep, bringing Laurent to where he wanted to be. 

Suddenly, Damen’s phone rang. And as if he wasn’t inside Laurent, fucking him to oblivion, he picked it up from above Laurent’s head and answered. Laurent almost came, the way Damen ignored their current predicament turned him on further. But he didn’t quite reach his release because Damen halted his thrusts.

“Hello? Yes, this is Damianos Vallis.” Damen talked to the person on the other end calmly. He used his left hand to prop himself up, but didn’t take his cock out of Laurent’s ass. “I can talk, I’m not busy at the moment.” He began thrusting his hips again, completely ignoring Laurent, voice not even faltering.

Laurent, under Damen, was losing his mind. Being fucked open while his boyfriend was on an important call was humiliating, but he loved it so. It was embarrassing to be ignored, like he was just a slut Damen picked up on the street, simply there for his pleasure. It was awakening in him something he didn’t know he had wanted. 

Laurent agreed to this, of course. Before Damen started ravishing him, he explained that he was waiting for an important phone call from a potential employer. Laurent shrugged at that and told Damen to pick it up even if they were still fucking. He wanted him now and who was Damen to disagree with him. 

Damen continued fucking him while answering questions in the phonecall. He lifted Laurent’s ass higher so he could reach it better while he was upright. His thrusts came at an uneven pace, forgetting about Laurent’s impending release, almost forgetting about Laurent, really. 

Laurent was quiet underneath Damen. He bit his lips to keep his moans and whimpers from escaping, because he promised Damen that he wouldn’t make a sound just so he’d keep fucking him. He tried to listen to the conversation but he couldn’t grasp anything. How could he when he was getting railed within an inch of his life. 

“Yes, that’s fine. I’m ready to take the interview right now.” Damen sounded so professional, like he was sitting in his office chair and not wrecking Laurent. 

Laurent wanted to see Damen badly. He needed to know what expression he had on his face as he talked about his business with a straight voice. Laurent was a drooling mess, tongue out and panting, trying his best to remain silent so Damen wouldn’t get caught. He knew Damen was not even breaking a sweat above him. Did Damen even care about how he was doing? 

He couldn’t stop the quiet moan that came out of him at the thought of Damen ignoring his needs. Damen stopped thrusting and gripped his ass in warning while answering the interviewer perfectly. 

This continued for another five minutes, and Laurent began to feel his pleasure build up again. Damen became more aggressive with his thrusts. The hand that wasn’t holding the phone gripped Laurent’s waist tightly to keep him still. Laurent knew it was the sign he’s getting closer to cumming too. His thrusts sped up, not really caring about Laurent’s pleasure anymore. The pace felt so good, it made Laurent unable to control his mewls and moans.

“Da-men—“ Laurent moaned. He knew he was getting louder but he couldn’t stop when Damen didn’t slow down and nor cracked above him. 

“The noise? That’s just my cat, let me take care of it for one second.” Damen said before he gripped Laurent’s hair and lifted his face harshly. Damen pulled Laurent’s head up a little before he held his jaw and shoved two fingers in his mouth. 

“Be quiet.” he whispered in Laurent’s ear. “Or I won’t let you cum.”

Laurent whined in compliance, hoping Damen clicked the mute button before he addressed him. Damen pulled a little harder on his jaw making him arch his back more. The position pushed in Damen’s cock deeper, hitting his prostate harder. He moaned a little louder than intended.

“Laurent.” Damen gripped his jaw in warning. And his other hand, the one Laurent assumed was holding the phone earlier, was placed on his throat, squeezing a little. 

“Yes, I’m ready again.” Laurent heard before Damen thrusted hard and squeezed his throat so no noise would escape. 

Laurent couldn’t handle it, but he loved every second of it. He was being wrecked while there was another person who might hear them. He couldn’t believe Damen was able to focus on both tasks at once. He couldn’t handle how he was ignored, and then reprimanded. The fingers in his mouth tasted salty, but he kept sucking to keep himself silent. The hands on his throat were squeezing at different intervals, making it harder to breathe, but it comforted him too. Damen’s cock grew even bigger in him, as if that was possible. 

He couldn’t see Damen right now but he imagined him with his head tilted, holding the phone in between his cheek and shoulder. He couldn’t believe he had the audacity to continue fucking Laurent while he was on a job interview. Although, Laurent was the one who begged him to do it. It was all too much for Laurent. 

“Of course, I could absolutely give you more information right now, if that’s what you need.” With the promise of the phone call getting longer, Laurent’s body shook and he came all over the sheets. 

Damen came after him, while he gave reasons on why his business was a good match to the person on the other line. He didn’t flinch, nor sounded different as he filled Laurent with his cum. Laurent on the other hand had to suck his fingers harder and cover his own mouth so he wouldn’t scream. God, he loved all of this too much. 

Damen didn’t take his cock out of Laurent after, even as he gently fell on top of him. Laurent was spent under him, aftershocks consuming both of them. There was no rest for him since Damen’s cock was still buried deep in his ass just right below his prostate. Damen shifted their position a little so he wasn’t crushing Laurent, and he bit his lips hard when that movement hit his spot. Still in the call, Damen’s hand made its way to Laurent’s cock and stroked it. Laurent almost screamed. 

Next time, maybe, if Damen had to answer an important call when Laurent wanted to fuck him, he might just ask to suck his dick. 

Later, when the call ended, Laurent was in the comfort of Damen’s arms as they were lying beside each other. He felt safe and warm. 

“So? Did you get hired?”

Damen smiled and kissed him gently. “Yes.”

[truestarshine]

I just finished all three books of the captive prince series, no one asked me but here are my thoughts and (wrong impressions lol):

-Back when this series was being published and the fandom was very popular and active, I saw here and there art for it but I never felt curious enough to check it out, because although I love enemies to to friends to lovers, 'slavery but make it sexy' is not my thing so I kinda forgot about it.

-Until a few days ago that I saw this beautiful art and decided to give it a chance.

-So based on only fanarts and random book quotes on here, like a show/movie you never have watched but know only through gifs you saw on tumblr, so before I read it, I thought that the blond guy was in the past the big guy's slave, and now the blond guy has captured the big guy as revenge.

-I also was kinda spoiled to the big trues™ but since I got the context wrong, I spend ALL the books 100% being Laurent's apologist lmao I was like "why people say that Laurent was cruel and bad to poor Damen, if anything I think Laurent should have treated him worse, he deserved being treated like that for what he did to Laurent." and you know what, after I finished the books and understood what actually happened, I'm glad Laurent never showed remorse for his actions because what Damen actually did was unforgivable (in my eyes at least).

-I'll be honest, I don't hate Damen but he is not my favorite character either, how could he be so smart about war strategies and stuff, but so stupidly blind to the obvious signs that Laurent was a person that was abused and his harsh personality was the result of trying to protect himself on a place where everyone wanted to hurt him one way or another. I feel like the only reason he grew to like Laurent was because he was horny for him, he only saw the exterior he not least than a million of times mentioned how fascinating he finds his gold hair, his fair skin, and his blue eyes, and just nearing the end is where he "realized" how sweet he actually was. dude....

-I was a bit surprised to see that Nicaise and Aimeric were loved characters? I found both very annoying in all honesty. But I won't deny that I felt awful for poor Nicaise, I cried my eyes out reading how upset what happened made Laurent. In the case of Aimeric it felt so satisfying the way Laurent verbally destroyed him, the way I see it, he deserved it. Aimeric was a traitorous little shit that almost got Laurent and everyone (his fellow veretian soldiers and lover included) killed. At least Nicaise was still a child and didn't knew any better, but Aimeric was an adult, he literally got blood on his hands and still continued with the scheme.

-I don't want to sound like a mean goodreads reviewer lol but a pet peeve for me were all the random "big fancy words" that came out of nowhere, I felt like "the blood orange guy" every time I had to stop to search for the meaning of a word.

-But contrary on what I may sound, I enjoyed the story and all their character development, Laurent's transformation from Ice-cold bitch to the person that would risk it all for love™ was very romantic and sweet to witness from Damen's perspective, I will give him that.

-The end was abrupt and disappointing not gonna lie, after all the shit they had to endure to claim their rightfully titles as kings, I would have liked to see that happen Laurent and Damen deserved to have a big and very pretentiously described coronation, pretty fancy words telling us how beautiful these two kings were on the day their kingdoms were painted red and blue celebrating that all in the end was worth it! love and justice won! but oh well, I think maybe the author intention was deliberately not give a "this is the end folks we can all go home now" as not to close the door to a possible new book with new adventures of them.

[therealvinelle]

Hi! I was reading through your meta (which is reeeeally interesting) and noticed you said you don't like Eleazar? I was wondering why that was?

Tumblr ate this ask when I had almost finished it and I hate everything. Also, thanks for the compliment, I’m really glad you like my things.

Now to try and remember what I wrote about Eleazar…

I think Eleazar is a disagreeable person whose gift wasn’t useful enough to warrant a place in the Volturi guard, and Aro jumped on the Carmen-shaped excuse to give him an honorable discharge.

To start with the gift, we see him use it twice and neither time is particularly impressive.

Siobhan Siobhan has the power of reality manipulation. Her gift is noticeable enough that Carlisle is certain she has it, so when he gets Eleazar and Siobhan in a room together he pulls Eleazar over to see if he was right. Eleazar squints at Siobhan. And he squints. Finally he says, «I’ve got nothing.» Now, gifts are an iffy, complicated matter everyone has their own theories about, but I think that at the end of the day we can all agree it’s a binary, you’re gifted or you’re not. Some gifts may be weak, but those are still gifts. And maybe someone will touch the gray zone of «is it a gift or is Johnny the vampire just really good at juggling?», but Siobhan has the power to manipulate reality, and she must do it a lot for Carlisle to have come to suspect it in the first place. She has a definitive and powerful gift. And even if I’m wrong about gifts being binary, if Eleazar wants to be useful to Aro he should still be able to say: Yes, this person has a gift, or no, this person does not have a gift. Sadly, he is not. When brought before Siobhan he says «She could have a gift, she could also not have a gift.» This means he hasn’t detected her gift, which is bad enough by itself. Being able to tell if someone has a gift or not should be a dealbreaker. The way he answers, though, that she could very well have a gift he doesn’t know about, makes it clear that people having gifts he couldn’t detect has happened enough for him to be open to the possibility that the gift there, and he can’t see it. In other words, Eleazar isn’t reliable for detecting gifts and will give Aro false negatives.

Bella This is an aside but as it’ll inevitably come up later in my blog I’ll just drop here that I think Bella’s gift is something more complex than a shield. She has prophetic dreams, hallucination!Edward, and there’s a weird inconsistency as to who is blocked by her and who isn’t. I think her gift is self-preservation, and the shield is one of its manifestations. Anyway, onto discrediting Eleazar. (I’ll be pretty closely paraphrasing what happens in chapter 31 of Breaking Dawn, but since the interaction goes on for several pages I’m not going to clutter this post by pasting all of it.) To his credit, he does notice Bella right away, and he identifies her as a shield based on the fact that he gets this sense of nothingness from her. This is all he can do, however, and I can’t stress that enough. He assumes that she can block Edward, but he’s shocked to learn that she can block Aro. He’s just as surprised that she can block Jane and Alec. He has to interview her to deduce exactly what her gift does, which again has nothing to do with his gift. Anyone could ask questions, in fact Aro found all this out two books ago, without the help of Eleazar. Eleazar then starts musing aloud about who-would-win in a Renata vs. Bella showdown (more on that later), which is as tactless as it is revealing. The guy genuinely doesn’t know, and it’s because he doesn’t understand their gifts well enough. Eleazar’s power means he can tell Bella that she has a gift, and he knows roughly what it is. He muses that usually he can’t even tell that much, which again is quite damning. He can’t tell her exactly what she does without a game of 20 questions first. She gives him more information than he gives her, which he then regurgitates back to her with slightly different wording, and everybody claps. «My god, Eleazar, you’ve done it again!» (No, really, this is pretty much what happens. Eleazar brought no new information to the table, yet he blew Bella and Edward’s minds.) It’s all fun and games to do this for Bella and Edward, as they for various reasons genuinely didn’t realize she had a gift. For Aro, who figured this one out on his own, one begins to wonder what Eleazar was bringing to the table.

Carlisle Bonus bullet point! I’ll make this one brief. I believe Carlisle in canon has a gift he’s unaware of (Yes, I have a post planned, but it will get ugly long so god knows when it’ll come), which makes him another one of Eleazar’s gift detection fails. In short, I think he’s extremely charismatic, able to win over anybody. To list a few examples - he has an extremely diverse set of friends who in Breaking Dawn are willing to lay down their lives for him, Jacob muses how his instinctive hostility around vampires doesn’t apply to Carlisle, and vampires are terrifying to humans (don’t be fooled by the movies, people) yet Carlisle is able to work as a successful doctor, meaning his patients don’t mind being exposed to a killing machine even when they’re at their most vulnerable. He’s able to keep his family of sociopaths in line. There’s not a single person in the Twilight ‘verse that dislikes him. (Billy and Caius excepted, but Billy has no direct exposure to him until late Eclipse, and Caius is responding to a coven that’s potentially threatening the Volturi) People are free to disagree with me on this one, but if I’m right (and I have a lot of book quotes as well as a theory on what gifts even are to back me up on this one. I’m right, damnit!) then Carlisle is another gifted vampire Eleazar failed to detect.

So. We’ve established that Eleazar’s gift will yield false negatives, and that he can’t tell you much about the gifts he does detect.

I think his power is to point out the obvious.

Which means that Aro’s eyelid was twitching slightly, but alright, Eleazar could still be useful.

Unfortunately, there is the matter of weighing up your pros with your cons.

The Volturi are, at the end of the day, a group of people who live in a commune together. Coven, guard, evil minions, call them what we like but they’re exposed to each other and some sense of agreeability is required. And Chelsea is not omnipotent.

More, I imagine that in a coven as large and old as the Volturi, they’ve developed a culture of their own. This means that newcomers will need social awareness and a willingness to fit in.

Eleazar, from what we see of him in Breaking Dawn, appears to lack both.

It’s in the way he speaks of the people he used to work with. It’s utterly impersonal. He tells us how their gifts work, no more and no less. When he speaks of Aro, he speaks only of actions Aro took and orders he gave, nothing about the man’s personality. Now, considering the context, he was speaking in a context where Jane’s thoughts and feelings were far from relevant, but it’s still notable.

Also notable is the fact that he has no issue contemplating a Renata vs. Bella scenario, even though this would mean the deaths of two people he worked with for years. Perhaps it’s a thought exercise, but it’s not a thought exercise I would have gotten into when it was days away from becoming reality. If Renata can’t deflect Bella’s power, she and Aro die.

I’ll put it this way - I don’t think he’d do a «who would win» like this involving Carmen.

At no point in the book does Eleazar show any concern for the eventuality that members of a guard he used to be a part of may get killed.

It seems he didn’t form personal relationships with the rest of the guard. I suspect he considered himself... if not quite above them, then still someone who could evaluate them. Their gifts is what he looked at in them. I also think it’s likely he asked Aro not to use Chelsea on him, which in turn would have made him stick out even more as there’s nothing making him and Volturi Guard Member X just click in the way I imagine Chelsea can be very helpful with. Which in turn means that the other guard members will feel close to one another in a way they’re not close to Eleazar.

Also… he’s just a douche. I’m sorry, but I don’t make the rules and the whole guy radiates douche. I can’t even point to a specific quote in the book, it’s just is.

I don’t think this guy never really fit into the Volturi guard, and his gift wasn’t useful enough to keep him. Aro was thrilled to have him at first, but as time went on and Eleazar proved to just not be all that, he eventually realized he had to get rid of him.

Because as others have pointed out before me, the Carmen excuse makes no sense. There would be no problem in one more vampire in the castle, yet Aro wouldn’t let her in and Eleazar had to choose.

It was a solution that sent Eleazar on his way with his ego intact, and no hard feelings towards the Volturi. More, Aro is on record doing this with it’s-not-you thing with at least one other vampire. Laurent wanted to join the Volturi, had nothing to bring to the table, and Aro used past association with the Romanians as an excuse for why Laurent couldn’t join rather than tell him to his face that he was useless. With Marcus, Aro, and Chelsea around, the Romanian connection isn’t a problem, meaning Aro was bullshitting.

TL;DR: Aro is the kind of person who’d lie and say his grandma died if he doesn’t want to go to your party, and Eleazar is the kind of person who’d say «My condolences».

[studyingfilms]

hi! i’m really interest in cinema but i’m just 15 and i know very little about it, do you have any recommendations to start studying it, like introduction books, websites, or free resources? i’m brazilian so if any of the resources are in portuguese, that’s ok! i really liked your blog 🖤

Hello, Mari! I’m sorry this took me so long to answer, I had an unusual busy weekend. First, I’d like to thank you for reaching out and say that I’m very happy you are interested in cinema & like my blog! I’m going to assume your ask is about film theory/film history other than filmmaking. However, if that’s not the case, please tell me and I can recommend books to guide you through a filmmaking process, like script writing, directing, editing, etc.

Ok, this is going to be a little bit long, hope you don’t mind haha

Well, first I would recommend that you watch as many movies as possible. I honestly think this is the most important part if you want to get to know more about cinema in general, more than reading theoretical books or anything. Of course they help a LOT and I’ll get there, but just... be curious. Watch the canon directors, watch movies you don’t like, watch movies outside the north-american ones. Watch brazilian films, from the 60s, 70s and even the bad ones in the 80s (I’m just joking, I love the 80s lmaoo). Find out what you like and what you don’t. I know it seems obvious, but honestly it is something I didn’t realize until much recently. I was so caught up in a comfort zone of what I thought I liked (which it was, basically, comfort movies), that I completely lost joy in watching anything at all. I’ve been in a process of rediscovering what I like in terms of films and it has been great, movies that with my previous mindset I would never even bothered to see. So yeah, I would highly recommend that you start there.

THAT SAID, other resources like books are great to guide you through the movies and even help you on what to watch. I’m going to list a few that I find useful for some general introduction, but you can always check the bibliography and delve into the areas you feel more interested in (hope they can help you!).

História do cinema mundial (Fernando Mascarello; Fernão Pessoa Ramos)

Num piscar de olhos (In the blink of an eye, Walter Murch)

A análise do filme (L’analyse des films, Michel Marie; Jacques Aumont)

Cinema: entre a realidade e o artifício (Luis Carlos Merten)

Narrativa cinematográfica: contando histórias com imagens em movimento (Cinematic storytelling: the 100 most powerful film conventions every filmmaker must know, Jennifer Van Sijll)

Introdução ao documentário (Introduction to documentary, Bill Nichols)

A odisseia do cinema brasileiro (L'odyssée du cinéma brésilien, Laurent Desbois)

These are only some suggestions and of course they can vary with your interests, but I hope you find them useful! They are mostly introduction books, so they can be very centered in canonical movies. I also tried to select books that are easy to find or not so pricey (unfortunately, film books tend to be very expensive :~), so choose one to get started or if you are unable to access the books, don’t worry about it! Like I said, I think watching movies is the most important part here, and you can always resort to free online resources, like wikipedia (no shame in free knowledge!), imdb, letterboxd (it’s a great way to know what other people think about the movies you’re watching, find similar ones, watchlists...). You can also check the film school rejects website, a great free resource that covers a lot of areas (filmmaking, film analysis, history of film, reviews, etc). Tumblr has a weird problem with outside links, but if you search for filmschoolrejects it’s the first thing that comes up.

I really hope I could help you through this! If you have any other doubts or just want to talk, don’t hesitate to send me another message. I’d be more than happy to talk to you :) Also, if you would like me to answer in portuguese, let me know. Have a great day, Mari!

[casualcatte]

RP Journal: 08/15/2020

The Hunter’s Haven was every bit of fun that I could have dreamed it to be. There was laughter, food, friends, fun flirtation, I haven’t cut loose like that in a long time and it felt /so/ damned good. I have to admit R’zunh Tia cleans up pretty well, dancing with him was pretty fun, he’s so energetic!  

(Courtesy cut for length!)

Listening to the songstress Orghana Bolir was quite the experience! Her song choices, her dancing were captivating, I felt like I was enthralled by some manner of spell so elegant was the way she wove motion and word together into a beautiful tapestry of art. Even Tetsuro Wulf got on stage and really wailed on that shamisen of his. We were all on our feet dancing before his set was done. Zunh even made it a point to put his arm around me to dance with me at one point, which is how I came to know how energetic he is. 

When he said we’d have to dance again, I told him that it was just an excuse for him to get his arms around me again, to which he responded by just putting an arm around me right then and there.  “I don’t /need/ an excuse,” he proclaimed. Gods, I swear he’s almost as bad as Edgard, although the elezen doesn’t really take liberties with my person like Zunh!  I still laughed, because like Edgard I know he’s in no way serious.

Hunters went on to tell tales of their mighty hunts, first up being Valera Laurent and her hunt against some ice golems in Coerthas. Oschon’s Hearty Soles, that woman can weave an entertaining tale!  I laughed almost as much at her as I had the whole evening.

Zunh went next, telling the tale of their hunt for the mylodon, also in Coerthas.  Although, in it he told us that poor Yihmu’ra Yotku had perished -- when he was right there in the room with us. It didn’t seem to sit too well with Mu’ra, but the joke carried on for the rest of the night that Mu’ra was simply a ghost.

We then heard from Sumiko Rijin who told an amazing tale about fighting against Alexander, the great robot thing out near Idyllshire. I can’t believe she went up against it!  I’ve only heard about it in tales from other hunters but it sounds like a pretty mean scrap to get through -- no pun intended, given it’s a bunch of metal robots and goblins. If I understood her tale right, though, she claims that she’s from the future?  Or… is it the past?  Some manner of time-travel. That couldn’t be real, could it?

Nan’to Vaadrage went next and told a curious tale about ice fishing. It was creepy and mysterious… /and ended in the middle of nowhere./  Who was the man in the ice?!  Inquiring minds want to know!  I swear, he’s the /worst/ most /infuriating/ storyteller ever.

Then, of course, they had to hear from me. I told them the tale of the Twintails as animatedly as I could, which was the end of the night’s tale-spinning. I might have embellished -- a little. No doubt had Edgard been there he would’ve either interrupted to correct me or gotten up there himself to tell the tale. He wasn’t here, though, so the story was /mine/ to tell and tell it I did!  It reminded me of so many nights in the tavern in Tailfeather, when the hunters would all come in after a day’s hunting and those who had success would weave their tales and those who had failure got deeply in their cups. Gods, it felt so much like home. So much like family.

After the tales were told, ways began to part, but I stayed after to help clean up and enjoy some tasty fruit sandwiches for dessert that Tetsuro made for us!  I got to spend some more time with Nan’to, along with M’yhe Tia and Ninka’ir Tayuun.  Oh, and Edgard Beaumont who finally put in a late appearance, too late to save his reputation, but enough time to have dessert.

It was a nice, mellow way to end the night. Again, though, I couldn’t help but notice that Edgard got a little...edgy when he heard that I’d hugged someone else. Or, heaven forbid, when he saw me hug Zunh.  I hadn’t even realized he was there at that point. Not that it matters, because Edgard isn’t serious.  

When the Dessert Afterparty wound down, I took a big box of leftovers from Nan’to and Tetsuro before making my way home. I had to stop at the docks outside Shirogane once the ferry dropped me off. I was feeling a bit queasy, I think I’d had too much to drink, too much to eat, and none of it appreciated a boat ride!

Of course Edgard found me there on his own way out of Shirogane, so he sat with me a while and we talked. There was Banter, because there’s always Banter. We talked about how nice it was when people were sincerely interested and affectionate with us. He doesn’t know what to do about it.  I just enjoy it, because it reminds me that life is worth living.  When the hunters gave out hugs galore at the Haven, I felt very blessed, very fortunate to have found my way there. The outpouring of camaraderie and friendly affection was just… real and honest.

We spoke of Mu-Onna. It’s clear both of us are frustrated with her situation and how helpless the both of us feel. There’s nothing for it, though, and neither of us like to dwell on it.

I admit that Edgard surprises me on occasion. He brought up Tristane very, very gently, wanting to know how I’d moved on from him and what to do about it. I admitted to him that if there’s anything my conversation with Lorrendor taught me, it’s that I’m not as over Tris as I think.  I’m over my love for him and his death, but I planned /so/ much of my future around him that I simply don’t know where to go from here. It’s been six years and I’ve gone along, mindlessly chasing the Saurotaun and the Hunt, doing my best /not/ to think of the life we’d planned and how it was all dashed to pieces. I gave my life no more thought than the next hunt or the next meal. I told Edgard as much. I had no thoughts for my future -- if I even lived to see it.

It was then that he told me something that -- for some reason -- struck a chord in me that I didn’t even know existed. He told me that if I hunted with him, then I would live long enough. The idiot doesn’t even know what he’s volunteering for, not really. The Saurotaun slaughtered an entire party of experienced Hunters, Veterans of the Hunt that Edgard and I don’t even hold a candle to. I had to ask him.  I /had/ to.  Knowing the risks, the danger, would he still go?

I more than expected him to laugh it off. Of course not!  He wasn’t going to risk his life for me, some silly blue catte!  What kind of person did I take him for?  He wasn’t some white knight hero any more than I was a damsel in distress. There was no way on the whole of Eorzea that he was going to put his life on the line for mine. Why would he?

“I thought that much was obvious,” he said. Was it though? Or was it just more of his bluster, more of his song and dance to prove how much of a dashing dragoon he was? This was the one Hunt that wasn’t a joke to me, if he knew how much it meant, it was no laughing matter. I told him as much. I didn’t want to count on him if it wasn’t sincere. 

And then I realized. He wasn’t talking about the Saurotaun. He was just talking about hunting. Gods, I felt so stupid. And… strangely disappointed. I don’t even know why. It’s a ridiculous expectation to have. I don’t know why I even thought he was making some grand gesture. I think I definitely had too much to drink tonight.

Before he left, Edgard asked about the gemstones in the feather ornament I gave him for his first successful hunt as a hunter. I told him that the blue ones were for me, the purple and white for him. He seemed genuinely surprised and pleased by the revelation. I would’ve expected some quip about it being a sign of my undying love. And he seemed to /want/ those colors to represent us, from the way he spoke about overthinking it. He’s such a conundrum sometimes, that Ishgardian.  I don’t know that I’ll ever figure him out.  He’s so mercurial. Mentions @nightraid-hq​ for the Night Raid Bounty Call & Hunter’s Haven @definefandom​ for R’zunh Tia @tetsuro-wulf​ for Tetsuro Wulf @orghanabolir​ for Orghana Bolir @timetravelandcandy for Sumiko Raijin @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont

And a whole lot of other people I don’t know Tumblrs for!

[the-ronan-cycle]

Diverse Book Recs

I recently typed up a list of books for a friend who said she’d stopped reading because she couldn’t find diverse/queer books. This list is predominately focused on queer diversity but there’s also lot’s of super awesome ladies and poc here too. The list is also in two parts, the first are all books that I’ve read myself and include me trying to give a summary, content warnings (If I can remember, I can’t guarantee they’re all exhaustive.) and a rating. The second part has books on my to read list that, to my knowledge, have queer characters. All of the titles are linked to their goodreads page.

I Was Born For This - Alice Oseman

A Hijabi ace fangirl goes to London on a week long trip to meet her internet friend and go to the concert of her favourite band. Jimmy, the trans, gay, mixed race, mentally ill singer for said band is figuring out how growing up famous has changed himself and his friends. They cross paths and stuff happens. A really interesting look into fan culture, both the good and the bad. Really fun characters and relationships. Written by the same person who does the Heartbreaker webcomic. CW: alcoholic behavior, brief mention of unintentional trans outing 4.5/5

The Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater

Welsh mythology meets small town Virginia. Gorgeous, poetic writing by Stiefvater tells the surreal story of a group of teenagers on the search for a lost welsh king and wish foretold if one wakes him. Along the way they discover the power of ley lines, dreams, and ~friendship~. One of the main characters (my favourite character) is canon queer (he’s into a girl and guy but like, the word bi isn’t explicitly said) and one of the other main characters is canon gay. It’s a difficult story to describe but it’s such a fascinating read. CW: child abuse, alcohol and drug abuse, there’s a scene in the second book that I think the author confirmed was sexual assault 5/5

Shades of Magic Series - V.E. Schwab

Avatar the last airbender meets pirates and royalty and multiverses. In this world there are 4 earths that intersect at London. Kell is one of the only two people who can travel between Londons. Grey London is our world, Red London is Kell’s, full of magic. White London is a wasteland barren of magic and ruled by bloodthirsty twins. Black London is dead. The main cast of Kell, Lila Bard, a pirate thief who gets caught up in the adventure, Rhy, the (gay? Bi? I forget lol) prince of Red London, and Alucard, (also gay? Or bi?) actual pirate have to save the multiverse! Lots of great subplots, written by a queer woman and impossible to put down. If you saw me with my kindle in class after winter last year, it was because I literally couldn’t stop reading. CW: frankly it’s been too long since I read it im sorry 5/5

Leah on the Offbeat/Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli

Simon Vs is the book Love Simon is based on. Simon (gay) has a mystery pen pal, Blue. All he knows is that Blue also goes to Creekwood High and is gay. But Simon leaves the emails open on a school computer because he’s a dumbass and then also an ass but the bad kind, Martin finds them and blackmails Simon. It’s similar to the movie but I prefer the book! There are some scenes and plot points that didn’t make it in. Also his friends don’t suck as much when he’s outed. Leah on the OffBeat is the sequel about Simon’s friend, Leah. She’s bi! Simon thought all his friends were straight but jkjkjk gays flock together. Cute wlw high school story. CW: character is outed against their will, underage drinking  SVTHA 5/5 LOTO 4/5

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue - Mackenzi Lee

Main character is a total slut and we support him. Bi and ready to party. But wait it’s the 1800s and that’s not super chill. In a final hurrah before he has to become master of his family estate, Henry Montague takes his best friend (gay and also ready to party) and, reluctantly, his little sister  (ace and ready to be a doctor) on a tour of the continent. Along the way they discover a plot and their trip turns upside down. There’s pirates! Period accurate medicine! Characters unlearning their prejudices! CW: Child abuse, period typical homophobia, sexism and racism 4/5

Captive Prince Trilogy - C.S. Pacat

hEAR ME OUT. This is probably my favourite series I’ve ever read. You’ve heard of enemies to lovers? Get ready for enemies to friends to lovers to enemies to allies to lovers! Crown Prince Damianos of Akielos is caught up in a coup lead by his half brother and sent to the enemy nation of Vere to be a pleasure slave for their crown prince, Laurent. Now here you think it’s gonna be some kinky sex romp but it actually becomes the best political intrigue with a thoughtful, loving, very vanilla romance. “If you gave me your heart, I would treat it tenderly”. Dw they only have sex after the whole slave thing is over. Also, they abolish slavery so there’s that. If you don’t like the first book,  I get it but just try the second book, the tone changes with the change of setting. The author does some really interesting stuff with her setting. Typically writers will just make society reflect our by default but Pacat threw that out, homophobia? Never heard of her. In Vere it’s actually taboo for men and women to have sex before marriage because of the threat of bastards. So everyone just is gay instead. You want a matriarchal warrior women country? Pacat has got your back. The series does lack in well written women. There are a few women but not enough, Pacat has talked about this and is basically like, u right, I’ll do better in my next series. Written by a queer WOC (kinda? Woc is the wrong word but just read these tweets where she describe it better than i ever could)  and I love it, the end. CW: child abuse, child sexual abuse, incest, rape, sex slavery, prostitution, graphic violence, non consensual drug consumption, child death, suicide, torture, animal death (also it should be obvious but none of these things are glorified, the abuser is the worst and he sucks and everyone hates him) 6/5

Carry On - Rainbow Rowell

Based on the Harry Potter parody series from Rowell’s book Fangirl. Simon Snow (doesn’t ever figure out his sexuality but had a girlfriend and boyfriend) is the chosen one, orphaned and brought to a magical boarding school, must save magical britain from evil. His best friend, book smart Penelope and his (possibly evil and a vampire? Also gay) roommate Baz must work together to defeat the humbug. This book has a really fantastic closed magic system and gives the character very clear limits. CW: rat death? 5/5

Queer There and Everywhere - Sarah Prager

A nonfiction book about 23 people throughout history that were both queer and very cool. From Frida Kahlo and Abraham Lincoln to the actual Danish Girl and Kristina Vasa, Prager dives into the lives of many historical figures who were also queer. A really wide gamut of women, men and nb, cis and trans, white and poc. Could have had more historical figures from the east. A fun, easy read. Made me cry, i want lesbian moms. 4/5

Huntress - Malinda Lo

It’s been a few years since I read this so bear with me. Cool magic girl main character and less magic but also cool other girl as well as a misfit group including the prince and a badass lady named shae (hell yeah) have to go into the fae world to right the magical imbalance of their world. Wlw, written by a queer woc CW: I don’t remember sorry 4/5

Outrun the Wind - Elizabeth Tammi

(I’m actually only half way through this) (Also it’s written by a mutual of mine on tumblr so that’s tight) A queer retelling of the greek myth of Atalanta. Atalanta (bi) is taken by the hunters of Artemis and has to help them defeat Apollo who’s being shitty. Wlw, written by a bi lady CW: animal death

Iron Breakers trilogy - Zaya Feli

Bastard Prince (queer), Ren, is happy to be out of the line of succession and just party it up but suddenly is framed for the murder of his brother and on the run along with a prisoner who escaped with him. Ren is faced with realities of y’know, not being a prince and decides to help save his country. Political intrigue with some twists I didn’t guess. MLM CW: slavery, graphic violence 4.5/5

All for the Game trilogy - Nora Sakavic

Think dark, queer, sports anime but with a co-ed team. Neil Josten (demi sexual- “which way do you swing? “I don’t?”) is on the run from his mob boss, murderer father and finds himself on the collegiate exy team of the palmetto foxes. Exy, a violent cross between lacrosse and soccer is Neil’s favourite thing but the team is made up of misfits. Neil has to survive both his father and the Raven’s (another exy team) owner, another mob boss, coming for him and his team. Super fast paced, very intense, after the first book I couldn’t put it down. The characters are all super interesting as are the relationships. Multiple mlm relationships, one briefly mentioned wlw couple CW: (o boy here we go) suicide, graphic violence, graphic torture, non consensual drug consumption, alcohol and drug abuse, prescription drug abuse, non consensual kissing, rape, child sexual abuse, sex work, mention of gay conversion therapy, discussion of self harm and self harm scars, child abuse 4.5/5

The Posterchildren - Kitty Burroughs

It’s been years since I read this so I really don’t remember much. It’s about a school for superheroes. Definitely wlw I don’t remember any else 4/5

Six of Crows Duology - Leigh Bardugo

A misfit group of criminals is hired to travel north to break into an impregnable prison. The cast of characters is lovable and the plot is fast paced. It’s set in the same universe as Bardugo’s first series but you don’t need to read them. (I did and they were ok but six of crows is better). Two of the main characters are mlm. CW: gore, graphic violence, child abuse 4.5/5

The Percy Jackson Series and Magnus Chase Series

I don’t need to describe these lol. PJO has two canon gay characters, the most recent series has lesbian and ace huntresses of artemis, and a bi main character. Magnus Chase has a non binary main character starting in the second book.

On My To-Read List:

Orlando - Virginia Woolf

I love her writing, it’s poetic without hurting my brain to read. This is a classic queer novel. It’s been said that Woolf wrote it as a “love letter” to Vita, her lover. The main character changes gender throughout the novel.

Stars in Her Eyes - Clare C. Marshall

I bought a copy of the first book in this series from the author at a convention last summer. It’s about a school for people with powers. I asked and apparently there’s a queer character but you don’t find out til the second book.

Ash - Malinda Lo

A wlw retelling of cinderella by the same author as Huntress.

The Academy Journals - Garrett Robinson

Apparently there’s trans, lesbian, gay, poly, ace, bi, pan! It’s about a magical school. It has really good reviews on goodreads so that’s promising

The Abyss Surrounds Us - Emily Skrutskie

There’s gay lady space pirates. Actually maybe not space? Idk i got space vibes

Vicious/Vengeful - V.E. Schwab

A story about moral greyness and supervillains. Kinda reminds me of Nimona tbh. I heard the main character is ace?

Our Bloody Pearl - D.N. Brynn

There’s mermaids, and pirates, and it’s gay apparently. The main character uses they them pronouns I think.

Breaking Legacies - Zoe Reed

Fantasy wlw by a trans dude (i think? They went through some sort of gender transition but i can’t find their pronouns)

The Dark Wife - S.E. Diemer

A wlw retelling of Hades and Persephone

The High Court Series - Megan Derr

Fantasy political intrigue mlm and I was told the main character is trans

Btw my rating system was basically:

4/5=i enjoyed reading it and would recommend it but probably wouldn’t read it again

4.5/5=I really liked it and would probably reread it

5/5= i love it, i either have or plan to reread it

[my-honourable-barbarian]

Missing Scenes Chapter I

As promised, even though I’m actually too tired to look over them right now, here are the two Laurent POV scenes I have so far written for Chapter I. The entire thing needs more editing before I can change it, so this is (for now) an exclusive tumblr privilege. :)

* * *

It was not the first time Laurent had lived on his own, and it was not the first time he was unpacking his life. The difference now was that before, he had been able to move with only a few boxes. The bare necessities; clothes, books, childhood memories from a time before Auguste died. Things he did not want around his uncle.

There was more now. With his job, he had been able to pick out his own furniture. This place was big enough for him to be able to set up Auguste’s desk. His professional clothes were fitted and required careful handling, and there were even some comfortable pants and sweaters for him to wear when no one was watching. In law school he had rediscovered his love for reading and collected books almost obsessively, filling boxes over boxes with them.

Life had accumulated around him; a steady, controlled growth. Slowly, it was becoming his own.

After that clumsy oaf of a well-meaning neighbor had left, the movers had finished bringing Laurent’s things up quickly and they had not lingered after he had told them he would finalize the positioning of the furniture on his own.

He had prepared the money on the trip here, sitting in almost comfortable silence with his things.

“Look, I tried to tell him it wasn’t necessary, but Damen already gave us a pretty significant tip.”

Laurent had handed over the money anyway. Apart from their lapse of judgement, these men had done their work professionally. And Laurent may not be able to pay his entire rent on his own, but this was his money. He could do with it as he liked.

And as he did not know what would happen to him before he turned twenty-one, it felt only right to spend whatever he could spare.

“Do you expect a stranger’s actions to affect my own?” he said and passed Jord the exact amount he would have before he had received that information. “This is yours.”

Jord took the wad of bills, but didn’t count them. Laurent handed him a few additional notes.  

“Please give this to Orlant, with apologies about his nose.”

They were Laurent’s apologies, since Nicaise was decidedly not sorry about having accidentally tripped him while he was actually trying to trip Laurent for not being allowed to ride with the moving truck.

‘You can come by next week-end,’ Laurent had told him, and Nicaise had said, ‘Pff, I don’t want to see your stupid new place anyway,’ and Orlant had cursed in the background. His nose was fine, but he had been very vocal about how much it hurt.

Jord accepted this money as well, but would not be dissuaded from his earlier topic.  

“I’m just saying. He’s a good guy. You could have ended up with worse neighbors.”

A strange show of loyalty, even to a friend.

Laurent, who would rather have forgotten the entire encounter the second the man had pulled the door across the hallway closed behind him, narrowed his eyes.

“He invited himself to my things and then dropped a desk.”

Jord blew out a breath. A man not easily fazed, he looked only the slightest bit exasperated.

“Well, he didn’t expect- you know. You.”

There was nothing lewd about the way he said it, but the meaning was clear.

It was also unnecessary. It had been fairly obvious from the way this Damianos had acted, but truly, the last thing Laurent needed was a besotted neighbor. Aesthetically pleasing though he might have been, with that obscene white t-shirt sticking to well-sculpted abdominal muscles and a broad back. Bulging arms and strong thighs. A nice complexion. Dark eyes and a dimple.

It was the last thing Laurent needed.  

“I believe that would be all.”

Jord nodded, gave Laurent something like a tired salute that likely meant something like ‘Good luck’ or possibly ‘I am very tired and the day’s work isn’t over’, and left.

Laurent closed the door behind him and turned to face his new apartment.

He took a moment just to stand there, breathing it all in. He had been planning the exact set-up from the first time he had been here, one among many applicants.

On the day of the interview, he had worn a subtle pair of glasses (fake) and the kind of outfit one might expect from a particularly serious student. He had asked only the necessary questions. When he had given the land lord a single small smile at the end, the man – who was obviously used to far bubblier and far more annoying candidates – had felt he had earned it, and Laurent had known with certainty that he would be the one allowed to move in.  

It was a good space. It was a simple space.

It would be his.

* * *

(Cue edited pre-existing Damen POV scene)

* * *

Out of all the hardships he had faced, and the many that were undoubtedly still to come, pie had not been on Laurent’s list of expectations.

Yet here he was, staring down a beautifully baked, still warm apple pie where it was sitting on Laurent’s kitchen table.

He should not have accepted it. It was clearly a ploy to assure further contact, which was not something Laurent was looking for.

It was not what he was looking for at all.

He cut a small piece. It fell apart perfectly when he put it on a plate. It was the first time Laurent had needed a plate since moving in.

While he poked it with a fork – also previously unused – he considered all the nefarious things that could be wrong with it, and all the ways he had planned for it.

The most obvious was poison, possibly on Laurent’s uncle’s behalf. An unlikely scenario, as their earlier exchange had seemed rather like a spur of the moment type thing and Laurent did not actually think his uncle would resort to outright killing him until other options to keep him from inheriting had been exhausted.

Nevertheless, Laurent had both his phones in easy reach and charcoal tablets next to his plate, and his first bite was very, very small, followed by a longer pause as he waited for any effect to take.

It was annoying to wait. The pie was excellent.

A date rape drug was an option. In case this was true, Laurent had locked the door as well as barricaded it with a chair. It might not be enough to stop someone as massive and muscly as Damianos, but breaking in would hopefully cause enough of a ruckus for other people in the building to get alarmed.

When after a solid half-hour and a finished piece later, Laurent still felt the same – which was annoyed, but lucid – this theory could also be dismissed.

Which left the duller, more common causes for bringing a neighbor delicious freshly baked pie.  

Clearly, Damianos did not find Laurent physically repulsive. As far as come-ons were concerned, it was certainly one of the most elaborate he had received yet, and while mildly intrusive, at least Laurent had something from it even when he decided never to open his door to his neighbor again.

Perhaps it actually had been an apology? The desk was undeniably expensive, even for the uneducated eye. Damianos could genuinely be ingratiating himself to make Laurent forgive the damage he had nearly caused.

He seemed simple. The likeliest was a combination of the last two explanations.

Nevertheless, the pie was good enough for Laurent to cut himself a second piece.

His phone rang to distract him for a bit, but after he had finished the call, the remaining slices were still there, taunting him. As enough time had passed, he could now be certain the pie had not been laced with anything other than cinnamon and cardamom. The only reason he felt vaguely queasy was his uncertainty over how to proceed.

That, and appetite.

The damage was done, anyway. He might as well enjoy something sweet while he overworked his brain.

Damianos had been sweet. Embarrassed. Clearly uncomfortable with Laurent’s cold demeanor. Rightfully not all that happy with Laurent, at the end.

He had been more attractive than Laurent had allowed himself to remember. Perhaps-…

Laurent stood up abruptly and walked out of the kitchen.

In the living room, he once more checked that Auguste’s desk truly was uninjured. As before, it held up against Laurent’s inspection.

Running his fingers over where the foot had come loose, he wondered whether Auguste had even used it all that often. It wasn’t technically his brother’s, but out of all the ostentatious furniture their parents had left them, it had been what he had kept in his room.

Laurent had countless memories of sitting underneath this desk, engrossed in a book. After school, before Auguste came home. He had probably been holed up in there when the undiscovered aneurism in Auguste’s brain had ruptured and killed him instantly.

It wasn’t where his uncle had found Laurent to tell him the news. It was not tainted that way.

The desk was stable and beautiful and Laurent was too tall now to be able to fold himself up underneath it. However, he could use it for its original purpose and sit at it to work, the way Auguste sometimes had.

On it lay an open case file. Vannes had told him he would get to fight this one out in court on his own.

Auguste would approve of what Laurent was aiming to do.

Auguste would tear the entire world in two if he knew why Laurent was doing it.

I’m trying, he thought at his brother, even though he did not believe Auguste was there to witness the progression of his life.

He returned to the kitchen to put the remaining slices into the refrigerator and wash up the pie tin.  

[sushmita-devi]

Integrative Practice/ Academic Portfolio [IP03]

The anger, tension and frustration was built while scrolling down my Tumblr home page, looking at all those blog posts from the first year BCT students blog posts. The main reason for myself to be frustrated was knowing the minimum of blog post for portfolio is 30 including the assignments that were done throughout the semester for this paper Integrative practice. First and foremost, if the bar is set to a certain digit for the number of blogs that needs to be presented, then how and why are we expected to learn something new? I mean, things can be learnt in many ways as the obvious is stated but we all learn differently but isn’t it unfair to set up the bar which leads the students to focus more on the quantity than the quality? I also dislike Laurent’s friendly reminder, ‘Quantity without quality will not deceive us’ because this is limiting the students to their own learning and their effort is planted towards the quick outcome than a strong learning process. I personally think this is ridiculous because over 50% of the students in the class are simply confused by the fact if we are given an outline for the assessment then why are we told to do many posts to be successful and the ‘friendly reminder’ was enough for me to be disturbed for over a week now because studying while working isn’t easy which most of us has been doing.

Students are driven by the reality of writing as much as they can with a huge number of research just to prove the lecturers them individuals are worth the grade by disclosing their false reflection on their assignments but the question is... What has the individuals have learnt after presenting their 30 or more number of blogs? Some are done differently but after scrolling through a several blogs, it all looks like the articles are taken from the net and well explained with the overlapping research, proving the point of the first article. Managing a student time wisely is an effort that is difficult but needs to be maintained to at least pass and thinking about getting a grade over the given average is stressful enough. Although this was said to be a part of the assessment which I completely disagree to because to pass, I as a student must follow the rubric. In saying what is mentioned above, I have spent a reasonable hour over 10 hours this week going through my blog post related to CTEC500 for the first, second and third assignment, working on the broken blogs that needed to be fixed. 

We were told to fix up the blogs and, demonstrate a wide range of creative interests that are pertinent to your developing creative sensibility across the semester and locate, select and articulate a wide range of different sources of information (digital and analogue). First of all, if the rubric is given, in other behaviour this is a form of examination to check the students understanding towards the paper. If this is all that is provided and we are paying to learn, then why are there many sources provided on Google+ by Pete and Laurent for us to follow up on. This limits us from going outside the box because I personally would’ve done a lot of research on something that I am interested into and demonstrate that under a wide range of creative interest but because there was a lot of resources given, I couldn’t reflect any further but find something similar to those posts because I felt like they were expecting that high standard of everything. I have chosen to make use of a few resources and reflect on them with my own piece of research, keeping it opinionated, but as far as I am concerned and a wide range of creative interest was already demonstrated throughout the semester under every assignments even though I feel like I could have done much better if I have put in a little more effort but now that I finally view he rubric several time, it is now understandable how things are nicely placed in order for it to make sense and in this case, the past two assignments needed a demonstration of experimentations which I failed to show even though I had physically done my work but the only thing it was lacking was that it wasn’t posted as a part of a blog post. The last part for demonstration for this portfolio is to show an open and explorative approach to gaining information across the semester, providing a variety of conceptual, contextual, experimental and critical point of the connection which was clearly shown through the use of recent topics and my own personal approach to it as a whole to critically identify where I have went wrong in the given assessments and how could I have improved by describing and explaining what could have been done instead to aim for a better grade. The connections were not only shown between each tasks and assessments even though there were heaps but the connection was also shown through my mentality with cultural potential (different mind-set, being opinionated and being argumental about everything) towards my work and what is being delivered as an outcome. External research was a great help. These are all shown in my blogs is searched using #ctec500.

For the progress which the portfolio should show are findings, selection, process and articulating the decision and opinions well demonstrated within the hours spent revisiting my blogs and analysing for my own reflection. Also on a random note, as said about fixing the blog posts, I feel like it is an act of being dishonest about our work to get a better grade if we went back, fixed all our posts. If that was really the case, why even bother posting more sources on Google+ when all the students could’ve simply fixed their posts? Therefore, I have gone back and only fixed the spelling errors which I don’t see why couldn’t it be acceptable in any form but other than that, I have chosen my topics such as time management where I could explain myself as to what could have been done better for all the assessments, art exhibition to show what I have learnt, realised and taken into consideration as a heads up for next year and demonstration of extra hours for the week, APA referencing as this was my weakest point as discussed with Pete about my second assessment. I failed to provide my references under the APA style which I now understand its importance and reflected on one of the technology related article posted by Pete on Google+ to be on a safe side. Not only that but the topic itself was very interesting and I could relate because I like to imagine things that don’t even exits and try creating it having a 0% knowledge about what is being imagined. This article was about a man envisioning a product which could be useful but wasn’t taken into considering until after his death which means, later in the future, An example of my connection to this article would be the time back in the days when I used to own a mobile phone which had a feature that could record screens and I wished if there was another one of my favourite brand of mobile phones which could provide the same feature but surprisingly, this year the brand I wished for what could have the feature has now released the imagined/expected feature with a software update. Our future is advancing day by day but us humans live within the moment, wishing for things which has possibilities of existence in the future. This is all well related to the two assessments I have done with a strong pull-back point that can grow in the future and can be improved on.

The reason I have also reflected on the APA reference video is because after talking to Pete about my weak points, I wanted to once again show my understanding and improvement from what I have taken out from our short academic conversation and therefore, I have also done a lot of external researches on those individual topics to strengthen my knowledge. This was a great linkage between all three assignments as it required a lot of referencing with own opinions and digging deep into finding connections within each posts and the great linkage was shown in the very final assessment into the portfolio where everything is brought in together to summarise the overall.

Despite the fact I was going against having extra range of creative interest, I had planned to blog about ‘How history can take you to different places’ as I was heavily influenced by the statues from the art exhibition day out, ‘I am not dependant but I am addicted-based on coffee’ as this is part of my everyday life and this blog post would have had a lot of research and my own opinion on top with a lot of issues others and I have faced with and without coffee and health issue is one of them but I felt like this was something very personal. A topic on ‘Difference between dance and drama with and without emotions’ which I was going to demonstrate physically and video it and its effects on the audience and the outcome. Lastly a topic on the recent article ‘Does a culture clash cost my life' based on a Muslim girl who was a model by profession but is said to have committed suicide by the public but murdered by the family. All this was planned this week after the brief was given but as I said, I ran out of time as a lot of time was mainly spent in class on the studio || paper and the paper physical computing that my focus had sided off the rails for two days. Having said the blogs need to be perfect, I either get as much as I can get done now before the submission or after, I am willing to keep updating my posts every now and then during the holidays as this is the only documentation I would have to provide my employers later in the future for a work experience.

Overall, I have done my absolute best for this paper, yet to be improved as this is an on-going process with a lot of processes and experiments to be demonstrated. I wasn’t too sure what this paper was about at the beginning of this year as it felt like it was mainly based on working with different media but as the weeks passed by, we were asked to work on different topics, giving us many different experiences under different topics but after complaining about the fact we were asked to do 30 blogs because one of the students had apparently set up the bar on that digit the work load became stressful until I went through the rubric twice more.

On a serious note: this was one of the papers I enjoyed the most as it allowed me to do my own experiments and lets me learn my own way but to a certain standard which the requirements were given for me to meet. All the related post for the paper Integrative Practise is under #CTEC500.

[ramblinganthropologist]

31 Days of Fanfic - Day 31

Topic: A gift fic Author’s note: This is for @reallyfuckinggay, one of my biggest supporters and best friends. You put up with so much of my whining, this is only a small drop in the bucket. <3 Summary: Before Blight begins filming, the Wardens decide to meet. Merin Lavellan mentions porn films, and we learn the art of putting one’s foot in their mouth. Great start to friendships, huh? Word count: 1449

---

“Ok, Merin... don't make an ass out of yourself.”

Of course, Merin Lavellan was very much convinced he would in fact do that. His heart was pounding as he walked through the door, glancing around for the room he needed to find. The details were all on his phone, but it was so different in real life.

Warden meet up at 3 PM, my place.

'My place' as it turned out, was the apartment of one Remi Saint-Laurent, better known as Orlais' Sexiest Man. He was their newly appointed Alistair, and the meet up had been his idea in order to get to know each other. It was a good idea... if not for his nerves.

“I can't believe I'm going to his apartment. Somebody pinch me.” The young man pinched himself, wincing as pain shot through his arm. “Nope, it's real alright. I'm totally going to meet Remi Saint-Laurent.”

So maybe he was still kind of new at this acting thing and it was his first major role. The casting call to find the actor for Cahel had been particularly fierce due to the fact they were only accepting elven trans men. As it turned out, there were a lot more than he had ever thought. In the end, somehow he had won out.

And now he was there. Totally not loitering in the lobby like a freaking creep.

“Hey, are you ok?”

A voice distracted him and caused him to turn. He was blocking the entrance, and jumped aside as a woman stepped in and took off her sunglasses. Like him, she was an elf, and with her face covered in gold ink, it wasn't hard to guess who she would be playing. Cherche's actress looked remarkably like her, even if the vallaslin was in different shades. Sylaise was still Sylaise, after all.

Merin's jaw dropped as his eyes widened. “Oh, Mythal's tits. You're Shianni.”

Well, there went his promise not to make an ass of himself.

He knew who she was, of course. Shianni Ghilain was an actor, an independent one who held a long number of small films to her name. She was practically the queen of the queer drama scene, and any decent lesbian-made film often had her in it as at least a side character. Her golden vallaslin was legendary among her fans, small as they were. He would know, mostly because he ran her tumblr fan page in his free time.

Suddenly, that fan club membership card was burning a hole of shame in his pocket.

At least she had the decency not to look at him too strangely. “Uh, yeah, I am. Guessing you're playing Cahel, then?”

It took Merin a while to find his tongue. “No, I mean yes, I mean... it'll be great to work with you I love all your movies. I've seen every one.”

Step one – hold up foot. Step two – insert into mouth. Step three – crawl into a hole to die.

From where he was standing, Merin watched as Shianni's eyebrow twitched ever so slightly. She was keeping a calm face, but her eyes betrayed everything. He took a half step back, glancing towards the exit should he need it.

When it came down to it, he was pretty fast.

“Every one?”

She was right in his face now, practically nose to nose. Merin could feel his heart trying to break out from both his shirt and binder, as if the fabric and spandex were the only things keeping it in check. His face turned a mix of purple and scarlet as he managed a brief nod.

“Even She Came At Dawn?!”

Any Shianni fan worth their salt had seen that one – the actor's quasi soft-core porn title she had made back in her earlier days. He had watched it years ago to complete the collection, rather than for interest in the porny bits.

Bluntly, women just weren't his type.

So, he stuck out his hands in defense. “Only for the story, not the bedroom stuff. Remi's more my type than you are!”

Well, that wasn't the way he had wanted to come out to his costars, but there it was. Merin's face was a blotchy red and violet now, muddled by his tattoos and large collection of freckles. He looked down to the tops of his leggings, wiggling his bare toes. To disappear from the spot would be great.

Thankfully, someone came to save him. A hand out of nowhere extended, cupping him under the chin to force his head up. It belonged to another elf, a man with tanned skin and what Entertainment Thedas had described as storm gray eyes.

Eli Rodriguez. He was here too.

“Wow, they definitely matched you for Miris, Eli.” Shianni's tone was much lighter as she ribbed the man in the sides. “Trying to break your stereotype?”

He let go of Merin's chin and poked back. He too was an actor, though he had gotten his start in Antivan telenovelas. Usually, he was the one to play the sexy lover or the charming ex trying to win his love back. To say it was a complete difference from the taciturn, one-eyed warrior he was to play was going beyond stating the obvious.

Still, Eli didn't seem perturbed. “I wanted to go for Zevran, but they got someone else. Apparently I'm a good body type for Miris. No guesses as to who you're playing. With your vallaslin, you were a shoe-in for Cherche.”

Shianni chuckled as all three started to move towards the elevator, Merin somewhat near the back. “They definitely gave me a call when they were looking. No way in hell I was going to say no to this role.”

“You'd be insane not to say yes.” Eli rounded on their other co-star, who had hidden in the back of the elevator and was trying to look casual by glancing at his phone. “And here's our Cahel, si? He's got the baby face, but those tattoos are going to be a nightmare to cover up. Oh well, I hear the head of makeup is a real genius.”

The two continued chatting while Merin stared down at his phone screen. Right then, he was a real fish out of water. It made sense – he was new, they had worked together before – but it still didn't help his nerves much as he waited for the elevator ride to end.

Of course it did all too soon, and eventually the small group were standing in front of Remi's apartment door. Shianni reached out to knock on it, then she stood back and waited with the rest. Their fourth member would appear soon.

The door opened, and a head poked out. Remi looked exactly like he did on TV in Merin's mind, except he wasn't a bunch of light and pixels. The short points of his ears stuck out, and his eyes glowed ever so slightly in the low light.

Really, a half elf becoming Orlais' top idol and sexiest man was a real achievement given how Orlesians were.

“Oh, I thought I heard you three. Come on in, I have snacks.”

Eli was first in, drawn by the promise of food. Shianni, however, hung back as Merin started putting his phone away. Much to his surprise, she put her hand on his shoulder and directed him to the side of the door, out of view.

He swallowed hard and barely met her gaze. “Look I won't tell anyone about the movie, I promise.”

Shianni shook her head instead. “No, just wanted to tell you to relax. You've been as stiff as a board ever since Eli showed up.”

She poked him hard in the side, causing him to squirm. “Loosen up, already. You're making me nervous just looking at you.”

Merin winced as he held his side, but at least the tension had broken. He could breathe a little easier now, though maybe not perfectly since he was pretty sure she had cracked his rib. Ok, maybe that was some exaggeration.

“You didn't have to poke me so hard, you know.”

Shianni snorted and started to steer him back to the door. “Walk it off, Rin-Rin. You're a son of Elgar'nan. I thought you guys were supposed to be tough.”

Eli and Remi were waiting for them inside. It was a good atmosphere, and Merin felt himself relaxing. Maybe it would turn out better than he thought. Or, maybe he would embarrass the shit out of himself and need to fake his death.

He was an actor after all – he'd do a pretty good job.

[mild-lunacy]

The Fan Rebellion and the Status Quo

I've talked about people's problems with endings before in a more general sense, but I think the issue is twofold. One, people are often frustrated that the narrative ends too abruptly, and every single t isn't crossed, and the i not dotted. Usually this is about a lack of emotional 'resolution' or emotional pay-off for the audience, though essentially this is about a lack of fluff. Two, people complain that the resolution they *did* get was OOC or stylistically and genre dissonant. That is, something about the series changed too drastically for them to allow or enjoy.

I guess as a bonus, there's three: disapproving of the story's final ethical judgment or the social stance inherent in the narrative (mostly to do with issues of minority and female representation and the lack thereof). Sometimes people suspend judgment until the end, and then some magical diversity quota fails to be reached. Fandom's answer at that point is either to canonize a transformative reading that's not actually factual (as I ranted about recently), pretending the series is actually better/different than what is actually canon (see: POC!Ronan Lynch or gay!Sherlock), or to decide it's always been pure trash. To be clear, my issue isn't disagreement with the underlying readings or their ethics, necessarily, but distaste for moralistic immaturity and the absolutist, black and white thinking involved.

In general, fandom seems to think it's a great idea to have the characters talk about their feelings a lot, especially after big plot things happen. I'm not really surprised, 'cause this is a natural emotional need in people, especially many women, and it's related to the discussion about the typical 'warm fuzzy' type of reader, as opposed to the more understated 'cold-prickly' aesthetic. I just can't help but note that many of these fans are writers themselves. Surely it's still clear to more analytical readers or viewers that some things are good to leave for the reader to figure out or imagine by themselves, given there's all the necessary tools and hints that were previously established? Surely it's an accepted fact that the audience should be able to think for themselves, even if emotionally we'd prefer 'warm paste'? Well, apparently not.

At the same time, I don't want to completely discount people's manifold concerns as the desire for 'warm paste', as Gatiss had at one point. As I said, with HP and Captive Prince, the overly definitive fluffiness of the epilogue was a problem for some (even though the story didn't overly process any feelings nor over-explain any plot developments). Naturally, it's not that you're ever somehow obliged to enjoy the epilogue and/or the resolution of any story, whether or not it's definitive (and either way, people will complain). I guess fandom is the space where complaints naturally go to be processed, so I just see more of it than there would be in the overall reading public.

I'm just interested in how people process fiction, and I enjoy seeing patterns in it. Fans (even experienced and analytical fans) seem very invested in stylistic consistency to a degree that seems a bit over-the-top to me, though, considering that change and development is part of the nature of fiction. However, not liking the fluffiness or definitiveness (or alternatively, abruptness) of the ending is one thing. Being so disappointed that in one's judgment, the story *failed* somehow rather than not being to one's taste is a different thing entirely. Basically, even sophisticated and analytically-minded fans are frequently of the mindset that ignores a story's own goals or direction in favor of their own needs and personal headcanons when making judgments. Surely the idea of what's 'in-character' in the first place becomes hard to hold on to when one can't trust oneself to be making even a somewhat impartial analysis.

Aside from my own subjective frustration as a fellow fan and meta writer here, I really am interested in the underlying competing ideas of what kind of resolution is necessary and 'right'. Clearly, there's a lot more of an established idea that there should be a lot more talking after the big plot denouement, or fans tend to think the worst of a beloved character (which definitely happened with John in Series 4). We read a lot of fanfic, where such warm-fuzzy style talking is the point, and I think we *prefer* it to the point where 'normal' or professional writing seems inadequate rather than just different to many fans. That's probably why people are so quick to say they know the characters better than the creator(s), and fic in general is better than the show. The preference for open endings that some fans have for fanfic purposes, and the reason the HP epilogue was so unpopular, is actually related even if it's contrary to the desire for more overtly verbalized emotional resolution on the surface. Either way, it follows from the idea that the fanfic aesthetic is superior. It's easy to mistake one's preferences for some kind of natural rule of writing, especially because writing and acting isn't a sport or science, and has no obvious objective measure.

The preference for consistency is definitely a typical fannish thing even outside Tumblr fandom. Fans always rebel when the creators reboot or adapt anything differently, kill off any characters or change their roles, etc. Fans tend to prefer the status quo (unless the improvement is social justice and diversity related: then the response will usually, though not always depend on one's political orientation). Creators tend to live to mess with it. And never the twain shall meet, I suppose.

[norman-reedus-gossip-mod]

Anon: Mod what's going on? Has something happened with the DK crapfest? Why are people acting like it's confirmed they are together? I thought everything was still speculation?? He still put out that denial. I can't believe he would lie and then risk getting caught 2 weeks later, it's not even like he could hide in Barcelona with the media circus going on so why deny it to make himself look the worst he could look?
--mod-- Nothing new has happened. Still just speculation and theory right now.




Anon: 
A wee bit creepy how someone follows his friends and family on sm so closely don't you think so? Specially the mother of his child. Maybe her way to show she stalks his relationships



Anon: 
The thing about believing Norman and Diane have been "just friends" for 2 years is that even though they barely spend any time in the same city, she's the only one he's been romantically linked to in tabloids. So if "just friends" is true then seemingly norman hasn't been in any relationship since late 2014? Possible, but pretty unlike him, hasn't he been a serial dater since the 90's? Unless he's hiding a Secret Girlfriend in GA 8 months/yr, Diane is the only one ever spotted with him, so... --mod-- He's been spotted with lots of ladies but since she's famous people notice her more, people here have speculated about him being with a bunch of different women in the last year or so, but again since non were famous the public at large never took notice. It also depends on what your definition of relationship is, I mean he could have a few relationships where they sink each other's battleships but it's nothing serious.

 



Anon: 
I know DK is off topic and I have no agenda here since I really don't care about the DK/NR thing but just wanted to share that this whole time I kept hearing her name and that she was the girl in Inglorious Basterds I assumed she was the character Melanie Laurent played (since that was the blond I remembered). My mind is now blown that I was remembering the wrong blond female character the whole time and they aren't the same person. LMAO. --mod-- 🤣🤣🤣





Anon: 
Wow. Helena has been posting pics of her Ukraine trip and now DK posts what I assume is her grandfather in the same black and white style as Helena. I predict her IG will now change to mirror Helena's. It is so obvious. I wonder if DK will get a dog soon and post about social causes. I bet she's just hoping HC or N will like her post. She's so transparent.
--mod-- To be fair black and white photos are pretty common.





Anon: 
I see DK is emulating HC's posts. The only good thing is that she may actually be in Germany now.
--mod-- Not sure how 1 b&w is emulating.

 



Anon: 
Im new to tumblr sorry if im sending this in the wrong way but I do think its a little weird HC followed DK on Instagram. I always got the feeling she didn't like her (thankfully she has a brain) sorry but I hate to think N would be that stupid to get hooked up with someone like DK. I think he is wrapped up in her for the wrong reasons. She wants kids (I always thought N still does) and she's convenient. Assuming he is with her. Hes just a little blinded. We all know how that is. Right?





Anon: 
Expect some sort of DK stunt or pap shot right before Norman's appearance on Fallon. She'll try to force his hand again.


Anon: 
Can't wait to see DK incognito hanging around Fallon's studio on Friday. It's too good an op to pass up. She'll just happened to get "caught" waiting for her "rumored" boyfriend in that black hoodie. 😂 I kid, but I still wouldn't be surprised.



Anon: 
I wouldn't be surprised if Fallon asks about his love life just so Norman can say he's single. --mod-- I feel like Jimmy Fallon is more of a good time fun show and he really doesn't ask those types of questions. Also I hope they pretend the couch is a motorcycle again.




Anon: 
Notice how DK followed HC so she could "like" her humanitarian work? Hmmmm Also, notice how Norman hasn't liked any of DK's photos since before Spain. Hmmmm again ....

.



Anon: 
I wouldn't be surprised if that DK movie with Susan Sarandon falls through. Right now, DK is not exactly a hot commodity and the garage pics and Spain mess have put a black mark on her name making her look like an obsessed woman stalking her man. She's not a big star and can easily be replaced. I wouldn't be surprised if she "pulls out" i.e. they cut her loose. They don't need her drama which is why she seems to work only with her friends who are producers and directors.
--mod-- 😶





Anon: 
I think it's really odd that DK has been unseen since she hastily left Spain. I think she knows this whole thing blew up in her face and she's embarrassed. You know she'd be gloating if things went well. Also, interesting choice posting a 9-1/2 weeks video. Isn't that movie about someone who has asexual only relationship (despite her being consumed with him) with a guy that it turns out she knows nothing about? Sound familiar. --mod-- I've never seen that movie



Anon: 
Mod: Thank you for allowing us to discuss DK on the mod blog. I am sure many of us want to discuss it. Thanks for giving us a safe, unbiased place to do if.
--mod-- Ya welcome 🤗





Anon:Interesting how N has not liked 1 post of DK's since Barcelona. He was liking them regularly after the garage thing. Maybe he is not playing nice this time.



Anon: 
Want to make a bet that DK just happens to be photographed near the Jimmy Fallon's studio on Friday?



Anon: 
So DK followed HC, N followed HC and the HC followed DK. Could be that N and HC have made it known they are watching DK's shenanigans. Maybe DK followed HC (that happened first) to keep tabs because she is Not in contact with N right now. I doubt people in their 40s are announcing or condoning relationships on IG. --mod-- I think I've gone cross eyed 



Anon: 
Can i ask a question? Why do so many people believe that DK calls the paps? Is there any prove of that? She doesn't look very happy in the pictures from barcelona. Maybe she got hate for nothing. --mod-- Sure. It's well known that she pays for play, mostly from the Daily Mail and a few other outlets. She's not as popular as she was awhile ago, paps usually won't take pictures of someone that they aren't going to make money from. Celebs sometimes hire paps to set a certain narrative, totally not saying this is what she did in Spain, whether it's the happy family or the heartbroken lover. Does that make sense 




Anon: Hey i'm not american and i'm not into the whole usa's fandons and artists, so i really don't understand why the people calls Diane Kruger "bitch" or "atention needed"(?) Can you explain for me PLEASE? I just know her from tarantino's movie and it's all 😂😂😂 (Sorry for the english)
-mod-- She pretty notorious for being extremely difficult to work with and outright rude to people she thinks she's better than. A lot of people that have come across her say she not a nice person. 





Anon: 
I guess it isn't SO strange that HC followed DK back after all, they are both former models, about the same age as well. But seriously, I doubt that there is anything else than publicity hunger and lust for intrigue behind DK's intentions. Why both Norman and now HC agrees to the charade I will never get
--mod-- Not sure they agreed to anything

 



Anon: I tried but DK is just so fake. She cares more about how photos look to everyone then about real people in them. Just like when she went to a charity event &left so quickly after it was over and then snarked a person on her IG for being sad they didn't get a pic with her since she was gone. Sorry but if Norman is really with her it does change what I think about him. It makes me think he's just as fake as she is on top of him lying about it and UGH. I can't support him knowing that. Heartbroken

[artificialqueens]

It's all about Barbie - Chapter 3 (Trixya)- Djoodi

A/N: Hey guys! I’m back back back again :) And I’m sorry that it took some time for me to get this one done, but school is back so I don’t really have a lot of time to write! But I’m so happy to see that people left some really positive feedback! <3 

If you haven’t read chapters 1 and 2 they are here: chapter 1; chapter 2! And I created a sideblog (but I suck so bad at using tumblr so I’m already sorry for my mistakes lol)! 

Also, VicThirteen was the nicest person™ and helped me as a beta! Thank you so much <3 

Hope you guys enjoy it! :)

Katya had a hard time deciding what to wear on her date with Trixie. She knew that it was a simple date, since they would meet for lunch at the mall. However, she also knew that, whatever she chose to wear, it would end up looking, not really neutral, but… Different. Unless she wore one of her yoga outfits, which didn’t seem appropriate. After spending 30 minutes siting on her bed in nothing but her underwear, staring at her closet, she decided to wear a dress.

It was actually pretty simple, but she liked it. It was a long-sleeved black dress with blue and white stripes all over it, and she chose to wear black leggings with it. Katya went to the bathroom, still only in her underwear, just to put some makeup on and try to do something with her hair. After a couple of regrettable decisions, she ended up with Ariana Grande’s signature hairstyle and with the one and only Katya Zamolodchikova’s signature makeup. Raccoon eyes? Check. Red lips? Check. And, along with some concealer to hide her dark circles, that was basically it.

She looked at the wall clock: still 10 am. Ginger was already working and Melanie was already at school, which meant she was alone for 2 and a half hours until her date with Trixie. Katya went to the kitchen to eat something, but ended up on the couch, smoking a cigarette while watching “What Not to Wear” - still not wearing anything other than panties and a bra. 

“Why would someone give up on their entire wardrobe for… this?” she shook her head at the TV. And, instead of being productive, she just didn’t move at all for the next two hours.

Three shows and two cigarettes later, she had 30 minutes until Trixie’s lunch break. So she brushed her teeth and put her clothes on, including some platform jelly sandals to complement the outfit. She also chose to accessorize with her eye-balls necklace, which actually matched her clothes, but she called Ginger before doing it. 

“Do you think it is too much if I wear that eye-ball necklace that I really like for my first date with her?” Katya asked her friend.

“I can’t believe you called me to ask this” Ginger snorted.

“I’m not joking, bitch! At all!” the Russian screamed, walking in circles. “Please answer, or else I’m gonna die.”

“No, you’re not” the woman giggled. “But I don’t know, bitch, go for it. If she thinks you are weird for wearing it, then she’s not the right person for you.”

“You… You are actually right, thanks Danny DeVito!” Katya smiled to herself. “And always remember that I love your work.”

“Go fuck yourself” the older woman answered. “Goodbye, Kathy.”

“Bye, bitch” the blonde hung up.

So she grabbed the necklace and put it on herself. Trixie wouldn’t mind it, would she? Given the fact that Katya had already made a joke about being naked in front of her, and she still accepted the lunch invitation, the Russian thought that the necklace shouldn’t be a problem. And, also, Trixie was an interesting figure herself.

Of course Katya had only seen her in her uniform and a pink coat, but, after stalking her Facebook, the older blonde saw that Trixie’s style wasn’t the most common. Yeah, it was definitely way more ordinary than hers, but still. Her wardrobe was very ‘Barbie-like’, and she wore a lot of makeup, which made her really look like a doll. And Katya liked that very much.

Plus, Trixie was so beautiful. She had thick thighs, big breasts and an hour-glass silhouette, so she was basically a thick Barbie. And she was a hard-working woman who took care of her daughter by herself, or at least that’s what Katya understood from their conversation. She seemed perfect.

She grabbed her little sparkly purse and her phone and she was good to go.

***

While Trixie was finishing the makeup on one of the clients at the back side of the counter, Violet was reorganizing the lipsticks. The girls working at the Yves Saint Laurent counter, in front of the MAC one, kept giggling and looking at Violet’s direction, which was making the purple haired girl get pissed.

“Why are this bitches laughing so much?” she thought, and rolled her eyes.

It was only after she almost had a heart attack by someone poking her back that she realized what the girls were laughing about. A small blonde woman with jelly sandals and eye-themed jewelry was trying to get her attention off the two other girls.

“Sorry, uh, my name is Violet, do you need help with anything?” she asked, a smile on her face when she saw the other woman’s big bright teeth. “You have a beautiful smile, by the way.”

“Thank you! I’m Katya. I’m just here looking for a human-sized Barbie doll who happens to be named Trixie” she sighed. “She works here, right?" 

"Yeah, she’s just finishing a girl’s makeup before her lunch break. Literally on the other side of this mirror” Violet pointed at the place where Trixie was painting someone. “Anyways, you can take a look at our products if you want to. And if you need something you can ask me. I’ll just tell her that you’re here." 

The blonde woman nodded, still smiling. Violet was definitely intrigued by her, and even more intrigued by the fact that she was looking for Trixie. The girl was almost done with a client when Violet approached her.

"Bitch, there’s a girl with jelly sandals looking for you” the girl whispered on Trixie’s ear. “Her name is Kathy or something." 

"Oh, Katya” the blond woman giggled, while applying some liquid lipstick on the girl in front of her. “Tell her I’m almost done here, and that I’ll be there in a minute." 

"Who is this person, though?” Violet asked, spying at the woman who was smelling one of the lipsticks that were in the showcase.

“I’ll explain it to you later, okay?” Trixie licked her upper lip, concentrating on the makeup. “Just… Let me finish here.”

“Fine, boo” flicking her hair, Violet went back to the kooky lady who was still smelling the lipsticks. “Tracy is almost done. She’ll probably just take a picture of it and grab her jacket.” She watched the woman put the product down. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here.”

“Oh, it’s my first time in this area of Macy’s. I don’t usually come here, but when I do is just at the kids area.” Violet frowned at the statement. “No, it’s not for me! Although I do like some of the clothes there.”

“That's… Something.” Who the hell is this woman?, Violet thought, and saw that Trixie was walking towards them with her pink jacket and a wallet. “Here comes the sunshine.”

“Hey, Kat!” when they hugged, Katya noticed that she smelled like bubblegum. “This is my friend Violet. She’s a bitch, but a nice one.”

“Fuck off, Tracy” Violet answered, a bored expression on her face. “Do you know where’s Jaydinn?”

Jaydinn was one of the other girls that worked with them. She was working at the MAC counter for two or three months since Manila, the girl who worked there before, moved to Los Angeles. She wasn’t really close with Violet and Trixie, since they were working together for almost four years, but she sure made them laugh with her obsession over reality shows and some hilarious catchphrases such as “Hashtag Too Much!”. 

There were some other girls that worked there too, like Laila McQueen, a gothy short girl who was one of the horniest girls Trixie met in her life, and Jujubee, an asian woman who was there even before Trixie. A lot of other people worked at the main MAC store at the mall, but Trixie didn’t know a lot of them. 

“Probably coming back from her break” Trixie shrugged and turned to the Russian woman, whilst Violet left them to help a customer. “Let’s get lunch, shall we?”

“Sure!” Katya smiled, turning around before the younger blonde grabbed her by the wrist.

“Wait! There's…” Trixie lifted the other’s head by the chin, gently, “There’s some lipstick on your nose”. Katya tried to clean it up with her finger. “You made it worse! Gimme a second, I’ll clean that for you.”

The taller girl went to grab a makeup wipe that was there for clients to use. While Trixie cleaned her nose, Katya couldn’t help but smell her bubblegum scent, and stare at her bright blue eyes and the way she bit her lower lip when she concentrated. She grabbed Katya’s finger and cleaned it too.

“Done!” the blonde smiled, throwing the wipe away and turning back to Katya. “Red is a great color for your lips, but not for your nose.”  

“You smell like bubblegum”, the Russian looked deep inside her eyes, “And have really blue eyes. They are beautiful”. 

“Well, thank you!” Trixie could feel her skin getting red under all the makeup she was wearing. “I think we should- we should go” they started walking towards Macy’s entrance so they could get out. “Do you like Chipotle?" 

"Bitch, are you kidding me? Of course I like Chipotle” Katya cackled, like it was the most obvious thing. “They charge extra for guacamole, though, and I’m not the one” she stated, making Trixie laugh and agree.

Somewhere between Macy’s entrance and the Food Court, Katya decided it would be a good idea to hold the other girl’s hand, and Trixie wasn’t mad about it. The only girl she was used to hold hands with was her six-year-old daughter, so it felt good to be doing it romantically. Also, there was this thing about holding hands that felt so innocent and pure for Trixie, and she liked it. 

They went straight to Chipotle, where the brunette cashier - who Katya noticed to have a cool tattoo on her arm - recognized Trixie, and already knew what the blonde was ordering. The two women found themselves a nice table and sat down. The Food Court wasn’t full, what was very nice.

“So, did you date the girl with the cool tattoo?” Katya asked, right before Trixie took a bite of her food and looked at her, confused. “The Chipotle cashier.”

“Oh, no! She just knows me because I go to Chipotle very often. And she asked me for drugstore makeup tips once. Her tattoo is very cool, though. My friend Adore has a studio, she’s the one that tattooed her” she added, and Katya asked her if she had any. “Tattoos? Oh no, I’m so scared of the pain and regretting it.”

“You say that, but you’ve already experienced labor, which is like 100% worse”, the Russian giggled, “I have a small one on my lower back. It’s the black half of the yin yang symbol, Ginger has the other part. We did it, like, when I was sixteen or something”.

“So you guys are really close, yeah?” Trixie took a sip of her drink, and Katya nodded.

“She is my fucking ride-or-die. I don’t know what the hell I would be without this fucker, I wouldn’t even be living here, actually” the woman had a sparkle in her eyes while talking about her best friend. Trixie felt the same way about the relationship between Kim and herself. “She’s amazing.”

“Yeah, on the few times we’ve met, mostly at parent-teacher meetings, she was nothing but lovely to me!” she smiled. “But, hey, tell me how did you guys meet.”

“Bitch, that’s a long story.” The younger blonde nodded, indicating that Katya should continue talking. “Well, we met when I was a freshman and she was already a junior. We started talking because we were the ones who skipped classes just to smoke cigarettes. She was the first person who I told I was lesbian. After she graduated, she used to sneak me into her college parties, where I hooked up with girls, and it was an amazing part of my life. Then I graduated, and my family and I went back to Russia.”

“Where did you live before?” Trixie interrupted her. 

“Florida. I was born in Russia, moved to Orlando when I was 4, went back to Russia after I finished high school, and now I’m here”, the woman gesticulated while explaining. “Speaking of Russia, they are fucked up with gay people. Anyways, no one in my family knew I was gay. But one day my sister found out and told my parents. Before I could say a word about it, they had already packed all my bags. So I called Ginger and told her everything and she offered me to stay with her. And now I live here in Boston.”

“Wow” the younger blonde girl didn’t know how to respond to the story, and was quite embarrassed for not saying anything “That's… Sad”.

“I’m happier now, so it’s all cool! How about you?” Katya saw the woman was confused with the question. “What’s your story?”

“Oh” Trixie paused for a second before continuing. “Okay. I am from Wisconsin and grew up with three siblings: two sisters and a brother. I moved here when my mom married my step dad - or should I say ex-step dad? They got divorced later. And he was a complete dick. My life was kind of normal, I guess. I was a good student, and I used to be part of the drama club, and also a choir girl.”

“And then you got pregnant and things turned upside down?” the Russian woman asked.

“Kind of. Well, nobody knew I had a thing for girls, except Naomi and Kim. One day, Naomi basically obligated me and Kim to go to this party that she was invited to - because she was popular and we were not - and then this boy Kyle, who was popular too, started hitting on me and stuff…” she looked away, unsure if she should continue, “You know the rest. The next day I felt super shitty and guilty. But I ended up coming out to my mom, and she was such a lovely parent." 

"Really?”

“Yeah, she was so nice and I’m so thankful for her. Long story short: later, I discovered I was pregnant. My step dad wanted me to die because I was such a whore, so my mom divorced him and only god knows where he is now”, Katya noticed the sad tone in Trixie’s voice. “I had my baby, and I got into the college I wanted in New York. But I had to stay here, and now this is my life”, the girl snorted. “I’m not complaining, by the way, I love my life. I love my daughter, my job and my friends, but sometimes I think about how things could have been different.”

“Why did you stay?” Trixie bit the inside of her mouth and the Russian realized she didn’t want to talk about it, felling really bad. “You- you don’t need to tell me. I’m so sorry for being invasive, and I’m sorry that we talked about uncomfortable subjects on our first date.” Katya apologized, not looking Trixie in the eyes.

“Hey, that’s okay, you don’t need to be sorry” the younger blonde put her hand on top of the other’s. “We will have other dates, right?" 

Katya opened a large smile, grabbing Trixie’s hand. "Totally. We could have dinner tomorrow, maybe?”

“Sorry, tomorrow I can’t. My friend’s birthday party is tomorrow night”, the girl massaged her temples, “And I still need to find Barbie a babysitter. Fuck”.

The Russian thought for a second, and an idea came in her mind, “Why don’t you leave her with me at Ginger’s house? I can babysit her and Melanie. Plus, they are best friends, right?”

“What? I don’t know, what if Ginger doesn’t want to?” Trixie sighed, “Also, there’s this girl who was her babysitter before and…”

“Trixie, Ginger thinks you are very nice and sweet. And she thinks your daughter is adorable. This wouldn’t be a problem at all for her” Katya told her.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be inconvenient or something. When I go out I usually leave her with Kim or with my other friends. But all of my friends are going to this party, so, you know, I don’t have anyone to ask to watch her.”

“Now you have, bitch! And it will be so much fun!”, the woman smiled. “So, now that we got this out of the way, can we get dinner on Saturday then?”

“That seems like a good idea” Trixie returned the smile, before looking at the time on her phone. “Shit, my break ends in a minute. We should go." 

The pair got up and started making their way back to Macy’s. Suddenly, Trixie remembered what Violet had said earlier and started to laugh.

"What?” Katya asked.

“You do have poor taste in shoes, don’t you?” Trixie pointed to the other woman’s feet.

“Oh, come on!” the Russian rolled her eyes. “Even the Kardashians wish they could rock jelly platforms and Crocs like I do." 

"If you showed up wearing toe shoes on Saturday, I wouldn’t be surprised” Trixie joked. “Sure, I wouldn’t ever want to see you again, but I wouldn’t be surprised." 

"Ew, toe shoes are too much, even for me”, the older woman wrinkled her nose. “I’ll wear high-heels on our next date, sweetie, you don’t need to worry." 

"Oh, so it’s going to be a fancy dinner?”

“I can wear heels to go to McDonald’s if I want to, Trix. But I thought that a fancy dinner was a better idea.”

Before entering the Macy’s store, Trixie stood in front of Katya. “So, what are you doing after I go back to work?”

“I’m going home and do some yoga while watching Netflix, and then I’m gonna get Melanie at school. And, if I’m lucky, I’ll even meet you at the park.” Katya was smaller than Trixie, which meant she had to look up when talking to the younger blonde, and Trixie found it adorable.

“Well, I’m sorry to rain on your parade and say that this is not your lucky day”, the taller woman giggled. “Today my friend Kim will be waiting for Barbie, because she’s taking her to ballet class, and my shift ends a bit later than usual. So I think I’ll see you tomorrow night." 

"Fine,” Katya pretended to be upset, “but I will text you”.

“Of course you will. Now, let me go back to work.” Trixie hugged the Russian, and felt the woman’s hands on her back, before they pulled away. “Bye, Kat." 

"See you later, alligator”, the Russian winked, leaving her at the store’s entrance.

Trixie walked back to the MAC counter, where Violet seemed to be waiting impatiently for her.

“Shit, you are this hungry?” the girl laughed, going towards the lockers.

“Hurry up, bitch, I want to know everything!” Violet answered. Trixie rushed to put her stuff inside the locker and come back. “Who the hell is the girl who smells liquid lipstick, wears jelly platforms and eye-ball jewelry? Since when are you seeing her?”

“Calm down, Beyoncé! She’s just the babysitter of one of Barbie’s friends who I met that other day when Kyle left her alone.” Trixie tied her makeup apron on, “We are dating, I guess? I don’t know, we ate Chipotle today and we’re going out on Saturday. She’s also babysitting Barbie tomorrow night”.

“Damn, so you are back on the game, aren’t you?” Violet smirked.

“What do you mean?" 

"You know, you haven’t dated someone since… Pearl? And Pearl wasn’t even a date”, Violet replied. “Plus, you said it yourself that you don’t hook up with someone since high school." 

  "Yeah, I know. It’s pretty nice to be back on the game, then.”

“And you got yourself a pretty one, actually! I mean, she seems 100% Teletubbies crazy, but she has a nice smile.” Violet came closer to Trixie’s ear just so she could whisper, “And a great ass too”.

“Go to your fucking break, bitch." 

***

Friday night

"I’m going to leave Barbie with the babysitter first, are you sure you don’t want to take an Uber?” Trixie searched for her earring on the small box of jewelry, while  talking on the phone. “Alright, then, but if Naomi takes 3 hours to get ready, I’m leaving without you guys. Fine, just come here when you two finish, I’m almost done. Bye, Kim." 

Trixie was wearing her fanciest dress - the one she wore at her sister’s wedding - and it looked phenomenal on her. It was this sparkly silver cabaret dress that accentuated her curves very beautifully, and really contrasted with her skin color. But, for some reason, she couldn’t find the pair of the earring she was looking for.

"Barbie?” the woman screamed from her room, “Do you know where’s my earring?”

“The one Naomi gave you last Christmas?”, she heard her daughter’s voice coming from the living room.

“Yes!”

“I think I saw one of them on your nightstand”, Trixie turned around just to see that it was, in fact, on the nightstand. 

After putting the earring on, she made her way to the living room just to face her daughter sitting on the “dad’s chair” she had right next to the couch. “I found it, thanks sweetie." 

"You’re welcome”, Barbie put her dolls down so she could look at her mom. “You’re looking very pretty, mommy! Where are you going?”

“Thank you! Well, I’m going to Pearl’s birthday party”, Trixie sat on the couch, her shoes in her hands. “Oh, and I’m leaving you with the babysitter, do you need to grab anything?”

The little girl whined, “Is it Cynthia again? I like her, but I can’t understand half the things she says”. 

"No honey, I’m leaving you with Katya at Melanie’s house, she’ll babysit you two”, the woman answered, watching her child get off the chair.

“Oh. That’s fun!”, the kid walked towards her room. “I’ll just get my teddy bear and we can go." 

Trixie sighed in relief. So Barbie likes Katya, that was a good sign. If she was going to date someone, the person needed to be approved by her daughter. She didn’t want Barbie to go through the same thing she went as a kid with her step dad - although she was pretty sure that Katya wasn’t an abusive fucker who want’s people to screw themselves if they don’t act in a certain way. But if her daughter doesn’t approve someone, Trixie wouldn’t know how to live with this person knowing that her kid doesn’t want her to be with them.

"Open the door, bitch!”, the blonde heard Kim shouting, and got off the couch to answer.

When she opened it, she saw Kim wearing a short white flowing dress with some sparkles on the top that really matched her pastel pink hair. And Naomi was wearing a hot pink jumpsuit that just emphasized the fact that she was, indeed, a 90’s supermodel.

“You are vision in pink, aren’t you?”, Trixie asked the tall girl, who just laughed as a response. “I’m surprised it didn’t take you 14 hours to get ready." 

"Fuck off, Tracy”, Naomi answered, and the three girls spent some time just staring ate each other. “Let’s go, then! Where’s Barbie?”  

[fahye]

run all the lights

(this is a direct continuation of the street racers AU ficlet! it was meant to be another small ficlet and then it...grew...so I’ll stick it on AO3 as its own story tomorrow. but it was a tumblr ficlet FIRST and so it shall remain.)

***

Damen can barely see the world as anything but blurred, tunnel-vision shapes by the time his car screams across the finish line, half a length--if that--ahead of Laurent's. As he lowers his foot onto the brake, as he pulls around in a half-circle to park, as he climbs out of the car in front of a crowd falling quiet with anticipation… he can barely breathe. Part of him's back there on the track, watching the speedometer strain towards two hundred. Part of him's hearing Laurent's voice, making the offer.

He watches Laurent's car--which is his car, now--but he can't see through the windshield with the glare of lights. He wonders if Laurent will stay behind the wheel. Drive the car away in a burst of dust, disappear into the desert.

But that doesn't fit with what he's seen of Laurent de Vere so far. And sure enough, Laurent climbs out of the car as soon as the engine cuts, and strides across to stand in front of Damen. The black T-shirt clings to his chest, scooping low enough that the ends of his collarbones are visible. His skin shines with sweat. There's nothing to see in his expression.

Laurent swipes his hair back from his face. He says, watching Damen closely, "Afraid I won't honour my word? I will. I always do."

Damen says, "What, right now? In front of everyone?" He's taken aback, recoiling at the very idea; though a small, triumphant part of him whispers, just imagine, and he can. He can imagine the pale wrists in his grip, he can imagine forcing noises from that dangerous mouth, under the hungry eyes of this crowd.

Laurent colours slightly. "No," he spits. "But perhaps," with a snap of his eyes that puts all of Damen's instincts on high alert, "you'd like a taste of what you're owed."

Damen hasn't moved before Laurent is right in front of him, stepping in close, one of his hands at the back of Damen's neck to pull him down. His mouth opens beneath Damen's and Damen is only human, after all, and Laurent is like hot wire beneath his hands. He kisses Laurent back, hard and desperate, and thinks he wouldn't notice if someone crashed two trucks into one another nearby.

One of Laurent's hands worms its way between them, cupping and rubbing Damen shamelessly though the front of his jeans. Damen finally gathers himself enough to break the kiss and push Laurent back.

Several further wolf-whistles and lewd shouts emerge from the crowd. Laurent looks over his shoulder and these subside rapidly.

Damen's mind races, wondering how Laurent will play this out. Will Laurent expect to go back to Damen's place, said place being a motel room scattered with dossiers on Laurent and the rest of his crew?

"Follow me," Laurent says. He stops briefly to exchange words with Nicaise, whose glare at Damen is poisonous enough to be felt like noon glare on the face, and then climbs back into the car he's just lost for the second time.

Damen can't think of anything to do but obey.

Laurent doesn't drive any more slowly or carefully than usual, but Damen keeps his taillights easily in view, following him on a winding dirt road up through the hills, away from the flat area where the races were being held. At a distance from the artificial lights, the moon seems both larger and brighter. By the time Laurent pulls up, at what seems to be a scenic overlook of some kind, the stars are so dense as to turn the sky into tinsel.

Damen parks at an angle to Laurent and, as Laurent has, leaves his lights on before he climbs out of the car. During the drive here, the part of Damen's brain that is still an FBI agent has managed to wrestle control back from where his brainstem and his cock had contrived to grab hold of the wheel.

The sight of Laurent's ass in dark, hugging denim, as Laurent walks into the crossed spill of headlights and towards the railing at the edge of the overlook, tests that resolve.

"We don't have to do this," Damen says. Laurent stills, but doesn't turn around. "I won. All right. Give me something else instead. Give me a chance to drive for you. You know I'm looking for work, and you've seen what I can do."

Laurent turns. His face is a ghost, a mess of shadows. He is lovelier than the arm of the galaxy behind him.

"You don't want me?"

Damen says, hearing it come rough off his tongue, "You know I do."

A smile that looks like both shyness and triumph steals across Laurent's face, and is gone. Laurent tucks his fingers into the back pockets of his jeans and tilts his head.

"Look at it this way," Laurent says coolly. "It doesn't really matter what you do now. You're never going to build a case against me, Damianos."

Cold adrenalin pours down over Damen like a sponge squeezed in the nape of his neck. His heart pounds. He's alone in the dark in the middle of nowhere, with a criminal who has called him by his name.

Laurent says, "I know who you are. I know why you're here."

Damen manages, finally, "Then why would you--"

"You can't think of a reason?" Laurent's hand comes out of his back pocket, with Laurent's phone in it. Laurent thumbs rapidly and then holds it out towards Damen, who forces his feet to carry him forward. The photo on the screen is of himself and Laurent kissing. Both of them have their eyes closed; both of them look as though they would kill anyone who interrupted.

"I doubt Nicaise has a future in photography. But do you honestly think," Laurent goes on, merciless, "that anyone would believe you didn't follow me up here and fuck me breathless?"

Damen stares at the photo: the obvious position of Laurent's hand, his own arm around Laurent's slim waist. Then he looks at Laurent himself, the almost unreal beauty of him, with his lip bitten into redness and his blond hair like water under the moon.

Nobody would believe it. Damen can hardly believe it himself.

"No," says Laurent, providing his own answer. "I honour my word. There are two hundred people down there who will swear to it."

"Did you throw the races?" Damen demands. It's absurd that he should feel more angry about that idea than anything else, but there it is. "Did you let me win?"

Laurent's mouth quirks. "No," he says, and it sounds like it costs him to make the admission. "But I know how to take advantage of a situation. You should know that about me if you've done your homework, Special Agent Akielos."

The spill of panic has ebbed now, leaving Damen feeling tired and shaken. His mission is well and truly over; all that's left now is damage control. He turns on his heel, stalks back to the car, but can't make himself open the door. He braces his arms on the roof and lets his head sag between them.

"Fuck," he mutters.

"As I said," says Laurent, sounding very close. Damen jerks his head up again; Laurent, now leaning against the car, flicks him a smile. "No matter what happens now, everyone will think you've fucked me."

"I got the point," Damen growls.

"So," Laurent goes on, "there's no reason not to."

Damen stares at him, waiting for an explanation to present itself. None does.

"I don't believe you want that," Damen says.

A fine eyebrow shoots up. "Really? Do you know what you look like? And I think," Laurent says, his voice lightening oddly, "that you would give me a good ride."

Something dangerous and fatalistic is stealing through Damen's veins. Laurent is right. There's nothing more to be lost here. Even if someone is waiting in the shadows with a video camera, the additional evidence would hardly be any more damning.

Laurent reaches up and puts his hand at the side of Damen's neck, shifts closer and presses his body against Damen's. Tilts up his incredible face.

He says, soft, "Tell me you don't want me, Damianos."

The click of a lighter within Damen's chest turns, in an instant, to true flame. He moves, trapping Laurent between himself and the car, pressing him into glass and metal, kissing him and kissing him, mad with how good it feels.

This is absurd. This is a challenge: the sheer stupid fact that Laurent would fuck him knowing that Damen has come here to put him in prison. That Damen would fuck Laurent, knowing that Laurent will ruin him. The whole heady disaster of it feels like aiming your car at a canyon edge and throwing the throttle open, trusting in luck and combustion to get you to the other side. Knowing that at least the crash will be legendary, spectacular, if you fail.

Laurent, beneath him, is surprisingly willing to be led. He doesn't try to seize control of the kiss. He opens sweetly; he tastes like night air and neon. Damen has the growing urge to surprise Laurent, who has had the upper hand all along. He wants to do something to wipe away that cool, superior expression.

"Backseat," he says, onto Laurent's mouth. He fumbles blindly and gets the door open. Laurent falls more than climbs into the car, and Damen follows him, climbing between Laurent's spread legs and kissing him one more time before sitting back and getting to work on the fastening of Laurent's jeans. Laurent's stomach, flat and flawless white in the darkness, heaves with unsteady breaths as his hands first try to help Damen, then form fists by his sides.

It's an awkward fit, trying to curl his body in the space available. But Damen keeps one foot on the ground outside the car, tugs Laurent's jeans and underwear down just enough for Laurent's cock to spring free, and then lowers his head.

He wanted surprise, and he gets it. Laurent reacts instantly to Damen's mouth on him, all soft broken noises and shivery jerks of his hips, singing for Damen like the sweetest engine purr. He comes more quickly than Damen expected.

Thinking of the upholstery, Damen swallows.

Damen wipes his mouth on the back of his hand as he pulls gently away. He feels smug, in an obscure way, like he's wrestled back some of his dignity. But he glances up into Laurent's wide, shadowed eyes and remembers with a start that Laurent is only twenty, and that nowhere in the dossier was there any mention of past relationships, even casual ones.

"Have you done this before?" Damen asks.

Laurent's face tightens. He gathers himself visibly, pushes himself into a sitting position, and reaches out to bury the fingers of one hand in Damen's hair. He drags Damen across the seat and kisses him, slow and thorough. "Do you have--?"

"Did I, the FBI agent, bring condoms and lube to a street race?" Damen says. "Strangely enough, I did not. You're the one who made the bet."

"I did," Laurent says. He holds Damen's gaze.

Damen, suddenly annoyed by how little he can see, reaches between the front seats and around the steering wheel to turn off the headlights. He hits the interior light instead, a startling spill of yellow illumination that banishes the world around them to darkness. The world is in here. Laurent, now easing his pants back up over his hips, has parted lips and mussed hair and an expression that turns, like a flipped switch, determined.

"Right," Laurent says.

It's far better than it has any right to be: Laurent stretched out on top of him, Damen's knees bent up and his head nearly off the seat, Laurent's hand working him fast and dry. Damen grabs at the back of Laurent's neck as his orgasm roars towards a finish; he buries his face in the hollow of Laurent's neck and shoulder and gasps, his hips bucking as Laurent strokes him through it, his teeth grazing Laurent's fine skin. He can't think. He wants to peel Laurent out of his clothes and have him slowly, tenderly, watching for those deadly eyes to flutter shut. He wants to race Laurent down abandoned streets.

Laurent makes a breathy sound of satisfaction and then collapses as if he's the one who just came, his head shoved up under Damen's jaw, his cheek on Damen's chest. Damen's harsh breathing disturbs Laurent's hair. A strange, giddy tenderness is spreading beneath Damen's skin. Before he can think better of it he lifts his head, tilts Laurent's face up to his, and kisses him. It's the same sweet, artless kiss as before.

"Now what?" Damen says, helplessly. Laurent's plans have dragged them thus far. Part of him is absurdly hoping that Laurent has a plan for what he should do now.

Laurent yawns. "Can I have my car back?"

"No," says Damen, automatically.

"Are you still looking for work?"

"No," says Damen, then actually stops to think about his options. He can go back to the office and explain, somehow, that his mission to infiltrate the de Vere crew is over before it's properly begun; that Laurent is smarter and faster and better than they'd thought, and that Damen has managed to breach at least five different pieces of protocol. He'll be reprimanded, and then reassigned. The promising career that was left in the dust when Nicaise took that picture can probably still be salvaged, with some effort, and time.

Or...what? Disappear into the desert night with Laurent and spend his life racing, racing, driving just fast enough to escape a life that now seems dull in comparison?

"This is insane," he says, but he can hear the wonder in his own voice.

"You were right; I've seen what you can do," Laurent says. The cool confidence is back. "You like the thrill of it more than anything else. Tell me I'm wrong."

Tell me you don't want me. The cadence is the same. The truth of it is the same.

"You're not wrong," Damen says.

Laurent twists in his arms and looks down at him. He touches Damen's mouth, and then jerks his fingers away, as if he didn't realise he was doing it.

"I suppose I could consider you on probation," Laurent says. "Betray me and I'll put the bullet in you myself."

Not betray us. Betray me.

"I honour my word as well," Damen says.

"Good," says Laurent. "Speaking of which, our bet still stands. We'll have to do something about that, when we get back to the garage."

"What?" Damen furrows his brow.

"You've got two perfectly good cars, and you still haven't fucked me over the hood of either of them."

Damen stares at him.

"Just saying," Laurent says.