#went to universal yesterday and was thinking about how many family vacations ended up with 2-3½ families in one hotel room

[chipadip]

iasip episode where the gang goes to an out of state theme park but we don't see any of that we just see the aftermath

charlie ate so much food he threw up on mac on a rollercoaster, dee and dennis look terrible, with their hair sticking out everywhere and wearing clothes that clearly do not fit them and frank just has a backpack which holds his water bottle and nothing else as the bottom of the bag appears to have been singed off somehow

this is nothing compared to the fact that in a ploy to save money, frank decided to book a single motel room for all of them to share for the night :)

[writtenjewels]

Wrong Number part 2

Part One

The first thing Jason did was make a beeline to the coffee. The smell of food was appealing but he needed caffeine first. Not many of the other hotel guests were in the eating area yet, which gave him a little time to himself. He took a seat and let his mind wander as he sipped the hot drink.

A few minutes later, he was joined by another guest. Jason glanced up idly and nearly choked on his mouthful. It was that guy again! The handsome, older man who tried getting into Jason's room yesterday. Jason swallowed, watching out of the corner of his eye as the man also made his way to the coffee station. But instead of the coffee, the guy chose a bag of tea. He also helped himself to some of the breakfast before settling down.

Jason had an internal debate on whether or not to go talk to the guy. He'd been thinking of this man ever since seeing his face yesterday. The way that face had widened in surprise when the man saw Jason, then shifted into sheepishness when he showed the number on his room key. Jason was a little curious how the mix-up had resolved itself. He took another sip of his coffee and stood up, heading over to the man's table.

“Mornin',” he drawled with a smile. The man tilted his head up, an answering smile touching his lips.

“Hello again. I apologize again for disturbing you yesterday.”

“No big deal. You figure out the problem?”

“The staff wrote the wrong number on my card,” the man responded. “I got the right room in the end.”

“So where'd you end up?” Jason blurted out before he could stop himself. He hadn't planned on flirting with this guy! But to his relief, the guy's expression turned a little shy.

“Next to you, as it happens.” What are the fuckin' odds? Jason's heart beat a little faster. The man flicked his eyes to Jason's face. “Would you like to sit down?”

“Sure. Lemme just grab some food.” His heart pounded a little faster as he hurried over and filled a plate. Jason also got another cup of coffee before sitting down across from his new acquaintance. “I'm Jason, by the way.”

“My name is Salim,” the other returned. A moment of comfortable silence fell between them. “What brings you to London, Jason?” Salim wondered.

“Just travelin',” Jason shrugged. “What about you?”

“I'm visiting my son. He goes to university here.”

“No, shit?” Well, fuck, he's married. “Good for him.”

“Yes,” Salim agreed, his smile broadening even more. Jason couldn't help how his heart skipped a beat at the expression. The guy was just so damn pretty. “I'm very proud of him,” Salim went on.

The conversation lulled as the men ate. Other guests were finally starting to come in for breakfast. Every time it was a woman, Jason half-expected her to walk over and join them. But it remained just him and Salim all through their meal.

“Do you have any plans for the day?” Salim suddenly asked.

“I was thinkin' about riding the Eye,” Jason shrugged. “Weather's good for it.”

“That sounds interesting,” Salim mused. “Would you mind if I joined you?” Jason's eyebrows shot up. “I don't want to impose on your vacation,” Salim added hurriedly.

“Nah, I don't mind,” Jason assured him. “I just figured you'd wanna do that kind of shit with your family.”

“I don't think Zain will mind,” Salim dismissed. “He's probably ridden it already.”

“All right.” Jason's heart was beating fast again. He noted there was no mention of a wife or even a girlfriend. He picked up his plate. “How 'bout you give me half an hour to shower and change, then we'll go?”

“That sounds good.” Salim's eyes gleamed and his lips twisted into a more teasing smile. “I already know where your room is.”

Jason turned around so the other man wouldn't see his blush. At least the flirting was going both ways.

[jalapeno-princess]

10:34 A.M.

The sunlight was warm against your cheeks as it shone in through the windows; yet, it wasn’t the harsh rays that woke you from your comfortable slumber.

You could feel a tender gaze directed right at you along with a pair of strong arms, your favorite pair of arms to be exact—wrapped protectively around your waist.

Gentle fingers glided softly along your face; almost featherlight to the point where you wouldn’t have even noticed that he was touching you if it weren’t for the callousness of his digits connecting the dots of your scattered freckles and the cool metal on his fourth finger.

You had yet to open your eyes, but you were confident in the idea that your husband was staring at you and you didn’t want to make it known that you were awake just yet.

Honestly, it felt as though you were still in dreamland—everything was just too good to be true. Memories of the most perfect day of your entire life soon came rushing back to your mind and you couldn’t help the small smirk that was now encompassing your face—giving away the fact that you were no longer asleep.

“Good morning Mrs.Tuan.”

Hearing the excitement yet raspiness in his voice along with his last name that was also yours now sent so many emotions to your chest. You were over the moon to say the least. He let out a giggle when you hid your face against his bare chest and placed a sweet kiss on your forehead.

“Good morning Mr.Tuan.”

“Ah, I’m never going to get tired of calling you Mrs.Tuan. I still can’t believe you’re my wife. God, it’s like a dream come true—“

“Took you long enough. I’ve been waiting for over five years for you to propose to me—“

Mark let out a guttural groan at the sound of your playful complaint; dropping his head in between the valley of your breasts and earning himself a shove to his shoulder. A blush was now adorning your cheeks; only then as you felt his warm breath against your nipples did you come to the realization that you were naked. It didn’t bother you though, not like it did when you and Mark first became intimate back in the third week of your relationship.

He was your husband now and the two of you made love to each other numerous times in the duration of your five year relationship that you were no longer shy whenever you’d find yourself naked around him. Actually, Mark was very vocal about how insanely beautiful you were—and devastatingly sexy which led you to lose your timidity and gain a newfound confidence. One that you never knew existed and you owed entirely to your husband.

“Hey, we went over this on multiple occasions baby. I wanted to propose to you only months after we started dating—I knew I was in love with you after only the third date. Trust me, it was extremely difficult for me having to introduce you as my girlfriend and not my wife for these last few years. I don’t know why—I mean sure, getting to call you my girlfriend and getting to be called your boyfriend was all that mattered to me. You’re my soulmate y/n. My person—but something about the titles “wife” and “husband” is more permanent. It solidifies a relationship. But I wanted us to be finished with school and settled in to our actual careers before taking things any further. It worked out though didn’t it? Look at us. We’re both redeemingly successful with our positions at the companies we work at and we share a two story house in our mid twenties. Not that it matters, but we can live comfortably as a married couple unlike a lot of people our age. We’re a whole now. You’re stuck with me and my penis for the rest of your life—“

“Oh God. Just when it was getting so romantic, you just had to throw your dick in there. Well, you’re stuck with me and my pussy—“

“I don’t consider myself stuck at all. Your pussy is so magical—fuck, we’ve had sex at least three hundred times, maybe even more than that and every single time, you never failed to blow my mind—and my dick. But shit, last night had to be the best night of my entire life. Yesterday, was the most incredible day in my twenty-seven years of existence. You are the most beautiful person in the entire world and I’m not just saying that because you’re my wife, it’s true. Not only on the outside; which, honestly, you are a sight for sore eyes. I can never take my eyes off of you and I never want to. I’d stare at you in awe of your beauty all day if time permitted me to. But you have the most kindest and generous hearts and you are just the sweetest soul. I can’t wait to remind you every single day for the rest of our lives just how perfect you are to me.”

He brought his thumb up to the brim of your eyelids and wiped away a tear that you didn’t even know fell. God, this man was really the love of your life. You’d never be able to comprehend exactly what you did to deserve being the lucky girl who loved Mark and got to be loved by him, but you would never take your position in his life as his bride for granted.

Before you could continue to let any more tears fall at his endearing words, he was quick to continue his not so innocent speech about the many naughty thoughts taking up all the space his mind.

“I don’t know if it’s because we’re newlyweds or because you never cease to amaze me each and every time we stumble in to bed together but the sex we had just hours ago in my opinion was the best sex we’ve ever had. I know I complimented you almost the entire day yesterday on how gorgeous you looked in that wedding dress and I’m sure my never ending tears that flowed down my cheeks as you walked down the aisle and my wedding vows that were almost twenty minutes long are enough to prove my undying love for you. But God, seeing you in that dress—that dress was made for you. You looked so fucking ethereal and damn, it looked so much better on the floor once I got you alone. You know, my mind is still a little hazy from sleeping—maybe you could remind me just how amazing it was—if I knew you were this abusive, I would have made you work harder for that ring you’re wearing.”

Both his and your laughter filled the room and you couldn’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes and pinching his cute little butt. Your wedding day was everything you could have ever dreamt of and more. There were countless times in your relationship where you would day dream about what your wedding would be like. It didn’t take you too long to realize that Mark was the person you wanted to settle down and start a family with. Everything within you; your heart, your mind, your body and your soul was his. You were set on Mark Tuan; for life. Since he took his time with asking you to marry him, you developed some insecurities about whether or not he saw himself marrying you. Sure, he may have talked about your future together every now and then, but not once did he ever bring up marriage so you just assumed he had no plans on getting married at all.

It made your engagement all the more special when he did finally get around to proposing to you less than a year ago while the two of you were in vacation in Hawaii. You tried to convince yourself that you would be happy even if Mark were to confess he had no plans on tying the knot. As long as Mark was in your life, you were content with whatever title you held in his. But on that magical night when he got down on one knee and went in to detail about his undying love for you as the two of you watched the sunset go down, you felt wholeheartedly that his proposal was one dreams were made of.

“What are you thinking about?” You looked at him in curiosity and it was in that moment; looking at his blank stare did you realize you were probably mirroring his exact facial expression.

“Nothing. Just that I’m really happy. Really, really happy. You mean everything to me Mark. I don’t know what I would do without you and I dont even want to think about my life before you were in it. It was colorless and dull. Now all I see is so many beautiful colors. Just the mere thought of you along pulls on my heartstrings in such a miraculous way. I love the way you make me feel and I love the effect you’ve had on me. I’m so in love with you and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us.”

Your husband gave you his signature gummy smile before smashing his mouth roughly against yours. He licked on your bottom lip and took it in between his sharp teeth, nibbling all but gently while dragging his cold fingertips along your smooth skin.

“You’re my happily ever after y/n. I kind of regret not getting around to marrying you sooner. I just really wanted to give you the ring and the wedding that you’ve always wanted. You deserved the entire universe and more y/n. Truly, there’s so much I want to give you. You are genuinely out of this world; you’re practically a goddess—an otherworldly being and honestly, you deserve so much more than what this world has to offer you. I’m not stupid my love, I’ve picked up on the many wedding magazines you’d scatter throughout the house, I’ve noticed you’ve been watching a couple of episodes from that one Disney weddings show and I overheard you talking to your mom about not knowing how I felt about marriage. I’m sorry that you had to question my feelings for you, but I thought that my constant love confessions and the way I could never stop holding you, kissing you and needing to be around you was enough to prove the fact that you are my home. You own my heart y/n. You always have and you always will forever. The feeling is mutual baby. I don’t care what ends up happening to me. I don’t care where we end up living—if we ever decide to move houses, cities, states or even countries. I don’t care what my job title is, how much money I’ll end up making or what anyone other than you has to think or say about me. Life—life can be rough and there are days that I just want to scream, cry and run away. But then I look at you and I see my purpose—I look at you and see the reason for my existence. You’re the reason why I breathe. You’re the reason why my heartbeat increases—the reason why I wake up with the biggest grin on my face. You are my reason to be happy and I could never thank you enough for all you’ve done for me in the last five years. Now, I can’t wait to continue to relish in our love for many more decades to come.”

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #815: Last Straw (Super Smash Bros Ultimate X Persona 5)

2:12 p.m. at the Isle Defino's Restaurant.........

Pink Female Pianta: (Smiles Brightly at Mario, Peach, Ren, and Makoto After She Place Their Meals Down on the Table) I hope you all enjoy our meals for today!~ (Turns to Mario with a Dark Expression on her Eyes) Especially you, you no good criminal of a plumber....(Went Back to Smiling Brightly Again Before Walking Away) Goodbyeeee!~

Mario: (Chuckles Awkwardly) I see that.... we're....(Puts on a Deadpinned Look on his Face) Still on that phase, aren't we?

Peach: (Groans Which Pinching her Nose a Little)

Mario: (Turns to Peach While Placing his Hand on Top of Her Other One) Are you okay, Peach?

Peach: (Turns to Mario With a Reassuring Smile on her Face) I'll be fine, honey. ('Sigh') I'm just trying not let those Piantas get the better of me. I'd never realized it would be so challenging.....

Makoto: I'd say. I could never imagine getting over it that easily if I were in that position.....

Ren: ('Sigh') Tell me about it. (Turns to Mario) I'm surprised none of this is bothering you in the slightest.

Mario: (Smiles Sheepishly at Ren While Rubbing the Back of his Head Back and Forth) I wouldn't say it doesn't bother me completely. I just try and look at the brighter side of all of this, you know? I even tried not to think too hard on the messier part of the past.

Makoto: (Raised an Eyebrow) How "messier" are we talking about exactly?

Mario: Welllllllll.....For starters, back when Shadow Mario kidnapped the princess and took her to Pinna Park, there were a few eye witnesses that saw the whole incident going. It was practically a golden opportunity to prove the fact that there were two of me and all of this was misunderstanding to begin with. Yet.....They still think I was a criminal.

Makoto: (Couldn't Believe What She's Hearing) My God.... That's terrible.....

Peach: It was.....(Turns to Mario) I'm so sorry I wasn't much help to you during that time around, Mario. I was going scream out for help, but Shadow Mario, who was Bowser Jr at the time.

Makoto: (Nodded While Understanding What Ren is Telling Her) Okay.....

Ren: Yeah......

Peach: ...Taped my mouth shut at last second.

Makoto: But some of the citizens still saw you getting kidnapped during that time, right?

Peach: Yes, but....('Sigh') They were panicking for the most part.

Makoto: And there were no policemen involved?

Mario: (Shook his Head) Not a single one I'm afraid. Didn't make any better when tried telling them everything that happened during that time and even when Junior first tired to kidnap the princess, they kept telling me that I was slacking off and that I should get back to work on cleaning the Island.

Makoto: (Starts Facepalming Herself in Disbelief) I don't believe this......

Ren: I know, right? Their police system are million times worst than the one in our universe......

Mario: That..... wasn't worse of it......

Makoto/Peach: It wasn't?

Mario: Nope. (Turns to Peach) Do you remember those Star Sprites they wanted me to gather to restore the brightness of their island?

Peach: Yeah. You had to go through other worlds to obtain them, right?

Mario: .....For the most part.....There were a few citizens here that had them already. They only gave them to me after I do their chores for them.

Peach: ('Gasps')

Makoto: (Turns to Ren) Ren, is all of this is true?

Ren: Yep. And it's not even the worst of it.

Makoto: Oh sweet, merciful Johanna....What now?

Ren: (Points at a White House Standing on the End of the Dock) You see that house over there?

Makoto: (Turns to the House Ren is Showing Her) Yeah? What about it?

Ren: There these two raccoons who lives over there and they have a crap ton of Star Sprites inside. But the only way to get any of them is to trade them-

Mario: Blue Coins. ('Groans a Little') I remember how exhausting it was to get them all........(Chuckles Lightly) Good thing I got it all over it and made it back in one piece.

Peach: ............................

Mario: Uh.....Peach? D-Darling?

Peach: (Starts Taking a Deep Breath Before Speaking) Let me see if I get this right....You mean to tell that there are raccoons who are living in that house, trading Star Sprites for Blue Coins as a currency....The SAME Star Sprites that were SUPPOSED TO BE USED to restore the brightness of the entire Island.....AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT NO ONE, NOT EVEN THE AUTHORITIES, EVEN BOTHER TO QUESTION THEM AT ALL!?

Mario: .........Pretty much. Yeah.

Peach: .......... That's it. (Immediately Gets Up From her Table) I'mma sue 'em.

Mario: ('Sigh') Peach....

Peach: (Turns to Mario With a Form Frown on her Face) No, Mario! Ever since the day we arrived here, I have tried SO hard not let all of this get me. But after everything they've put you through, even AFTER you risk your life to save them, I cannot sit here and let this slide anymore! Enough is enough!!

Mario: But how are we going to find ourselves a lawyer here? We've never got one the last time we went to court.

Ren: (Already Has a Smirk on Face) No worry, you guys. Makoto and I know someone who can help plead your case no problem.

Makoto: Wait. We do? (Eyes Widened For a Brief Second Before Sighing at the Fact That She Figured Who Ren is Talking About) Ren, we're not asking my sister to come over here to court.

Ren: Ah c'mon, 'hon. She's the only person we know who has any experience being in a courtroom.

Makoto: But what if she already working this remaining week!? We can't just back to Shiyuba and ask her to come with us! She'll decline the offer quicker than you can say-

???: Why, hello my dear little sister.

Makoto yelps while quickly jumping into Ren's arms before turning around to see that it's none other than her older sister, Sae Niijima.

Makoto: Sis? W-What are you doing here!?

Sae: My boss gave me a few days off yesterday. So I decided to come here to spend the rest it with you. And before you ask, I used one of your Dimensional Rings to get here.

Makoto: Oh sis...(Hugs Sae Lovingly) You have no idea how happy this made me~

Sae: (Giggles Softly) Likewise. I'm really happy to see you again, Makoto. (Kiss the Top of Makoto's Head Before Turning to Ren) You too, Ren. I hope you're treating my little sister well as usual.

Ren: (Happily Nodded) Yep.

Peach: Ms. Niijima, I know you've just arrived here and everything, but could you please help us with our case in court?

Sae: (Simply Nodded) Of course I can, your highness. I may be prosecutor for most, but I have learned a thing or two about being lawyer in the paat. So you and Mario-san are in good hands.

Peach: (Gasps Happily Before Grabbing Both of Sae's Hands) Thank you, thank you, thank you so much!~ Is there anything we can do to return a favor!?

Sae: Only if you don't mind having me be a part of your family vacation....(Turns to Ren and Makoto with a Smirk on her Face) And that I get to share a room with Ren and Makoto in the process.

Ren/Makoto: (Eyes Widened in Complete Shock) WHAT!?

Mario: (Chuckles Lightly) You're here already, aren't you? Of course you can be a part of our family vacation! (Turns to Ren and Makoto) You two don't mind having Sae in your room for the time being, do you?

Ren/Makoto: ('Sighs in Utter Defeat') No.......

Makoto: (Turns to Ren) I knew this was a mistake.......

Sae: (Place her Arms Around Ren and Makoto's Shoulder) Oh don't be like that, you two. We should focus on something more important at hand: Winning this case!

One Court Session Later......

'Jail Cell Closing'

Sae: (Standing Behind the Cell Bars With Genuine Surprise Look on her Face) I was not expecting the courtroom to be that stubborn.......

Mario: (Sitting Next to Peach on One Side of the Cell) I can't believe they locked us up in a matter of minutes!!....And call me crazy, but I think this might be my second time coming back to this prison cell again.

Sae: (Turns to Mario) How can you tell this one is yours?

Mario: (Points at the Craved, Written Words at the Top of the Wall) It has my name up there.

Sae: (Looks Up and See the Name Mario on That Said Wall) Ah. What a...... Strange discovery....

Ren: (Sitting Next to Makoto on the Other Side of the Cell) Being in jail isn't too bad. (Crosses his Arms) Got locked up twice in row and I was still fine enough as it is.......(Suddenly Starts Shaking his Arms in a Bit of Fear)

Makoto: (Starts Worrying For her Boyfriend Before Hugging Him Lovingly and Reassuringly)

Peach: (Looking Down at the Floor With Regret on her Face) I'm sorry I put you all into this.... If I didn't thought of suing them in the first place, then none of this would've happened.

Mario: (Places his Hand on Peach's Shoulder) Your heart was in the right place through all of this, dear. It's okay. And besides.....(Starts Blushing While Smiling a Little) I thought it was really sweet of you to go out of your way to do this for me to begin. Even though you...really didn't have to.....

Peach: (Immediately Turns to Mario) But I wanted to do it for you, Mario! You've done so much for me since the day we first place. Whether it's saving me from getting kidnapped, giving me all the support and care I needed, helping me go through my common and personal problems, or everything else in between. All I ever wanted to do is to be there for you too. Because you mean so much more to me than just being my hero o-or my Knight in Shining Armor....(Tears Starts Falling Down From Her Eyes) You're the man I wanna love and be with for the rest of my life.....

Mario: (Heart Begins to Melt by Peach's Words) Oh Peach.......(Gives Peach a Loving Hug) You know just as well as I do that you've done so much for me than anyone thinks you do. Besides my own brother, I wouldn't even be half the man I am today if weren't for all the love, care, and support you've given me throughout the years. Heck, you being here with me at all as already made my day and many others before and after that, all the more special to me and I can't even begin to tell you how much you mean to me too. (Smiles Brightly) But all I know is that no matter what happens, I'll always love you from the bottom of my heart, Princess Peach.

Peach: (Heart Begins to Melt as Well) Mario.......('Sniff') (Immediately Hugs Mario Back Lovingly) I love you too!~ Never ever ever ever ever ever EVER forget that, okay!?~

Mario: (Chuckles Lightly) Of course, dear~

'Jail Cell Opens'

Blue Police Pianta: Alright, troublemakers. You're free to go now.

Daisy: (Pops Out From the Back of the Policeman on One Side) Heeeey, Cuz!~

Luigi: (Pops Out From the Other Side of the Policeman While Happily Waving at Mario) Hey, Bro!

Peach: (Eyes Widened at What is Happening Right Now Along With the Others) Daisy!? Luigi!?

Mario: You two bailed us out!?

Daisy: (Smiles Brightly While Resting her Arm Onto Luigi's Shoulder) Yep! We used the money from the safe whenever one of us get arrested.

Luigi: (Smiles Brightly as Well) We even brought the safe from the home with us the entire just in case. Are you okay?

Peach: (Smiles Reliefly and Brightly) Oh you two have no idea how-

Orange Police Pianta: Yeah, yeah. Tell 'em all about it when you get outside. Now, come on! Out of the cell! All of you!

Few Minutes Later Outside..........

Police Pianta: Now, I hope you five learned a valuable lesson about causing trouble to this town.

Daisy: But.... all they did was trying to sue you-

Orange Police Pianta: QUIET!

Blue Police Pianta: Now, as what I was saying, we'll be watching you, pals. We'll know right away if you start causing more trouble.

Luigi: Uhhh...

Mario: (Whispers to Luigi) They won't do anything, bro. Trust me on this one.

Luigi: (Shrugs) Okie Dokie. (Starts Walking Away Along With The Others)

Makoto: ('Sigh') Well.....That was a lot more eventful than I could ever imagine.

Sae: Agreed. I never thought I would start my vacation here in a prison cell....(Turns to Luigi and Daisy) Has anyone else in the Smash Family actually got arrested before all of this?

Luigi: (Smiles a Bit Sheepishly) Well, Dedede was arrested two years ago for raiding across the Area 51 by Naruto running.

Sae: ........ You're Kidding.....

Daisy: (Giggles Softly While Hugging Onto Luigi's Arm) Nope!~ It was all around the news when it happened. He even got his chewed out by Peach afterwards. It was priceless!~

Luigi: And effective.

Sae: ('Sigh') You know, I'm starting to think our arrest is more meaningless than before.........

Peach: (Sighs While Resting her Head Onto Mario's Shoulder) Well, I'm just glad all of this is over now.

Ren: Tell me about it. Don't know about you guys, but I can really go for a nice, relaxing back massage right now-

?????: RENNNNNN!!!!

And with that, Palutena and Bayonetta, along with all the members of the Phantom Thieves rushes over and hug tackle Ren into the ground one by one. All was right in the world yet again.

@keyenuta

@caleb13frede

@princekirijo

@ma-lemons

@albion-93

@italian-love-cake

@cyber-wildcat

@26shann

@shumakoweek

[pocket-luv101]

Summary: Kuro and Mahiru go to Yokohama for a weekend vacation. (KuroMahi, Modern AU)

Mahiru sat on the train and he waited for the time to pass by playing games on his phone. There was a light weight on his shoulder but he didn’t mind. Kuro slept soundly as he used his shoulder as a pillow. They had to wake up early that day so he decided to let him rest during the train ride. Mahiru leaned against Kuro in return and listened to his even breathing. No matter if they talked throughout the train ride or simply sat in each other’s presence, Mahiru was content and happy.

More people entered the train and it became noisier. Kuro was a deep sleeper but Mahiru didn’t want the other passengers to wake him. He took off one of his earbuds and slipped it beneath Kuro’s hood. Mahiru carefully tucked the earbud into his ear and he hoped the song would muffle the voices of the people around them. Before he leaned back, he couldn’t help but press a kiss onto his hair. The small gesture roused Kuro slightly.

Kuro shifted next to him and searched for a comfortable position again. He wrapped his arms around Mahiru’s waist, turned his face into his shoulder and finally settled back to sleep. They were sitting closer than before and Mahiru felt his heart quicken. He glanced around the crowded train and he was glad that people weren’t staring at them. Mahiru relaxed into Kuro’s embrace.

He took out a travel magazine from his bag and flipped to a page he bookmarked. They had both been busy due to finals but they could now relax. They spent a lot of time together since they were roommates but he was excited to go out on a proper date. Mahiru suggested they travel to Yokohama and stay overnight. He had circled several places in the magazine that he wanted to go with Kuro.

“There’s a museum for cup noodles? I hope they have a lot of samples for us to try.” Kuro’s voice surprised him. He didn’t lift his head from his shoulder as he read the notes Mahiru wrote in the margins. He smiled up at him and joked: “If we go during lunch, we can save money by filling up on samples and buying a light meal afterwards. University’s expensive.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that instant noodles are unhealthy, Kuro?” He rolled his eyes but he couldn’t hold back a small chuckle. Mahiru held the booklet between them and they went through the different attractions they could visit. “The museum is close to the hotel we booked yesterday. We can even see the sea and shop at the boardwalk nearby. Which do you want to see first?”

“I don’t really care where we go. I’m happy as long as I’m with you.” He shrugged. Kuro sat straighter and stretched his arms above his head. He wrapped his arm around Mahiru’s waist and he used his other hand to flip to the next page. “Last night, Licht texted me and said we need to bring back sweets as a souvenir for him. I know giving souvenirs to your family and friends is a custom but I thought it was only for long trips.”

“I think Licht is just being a little greedy. You know how much he likes sweets.” Mahiru skimmed the different sweets they could buy for their friends. Kuro reached out to him and gently brushed his bangs from his brown eyes. The small gesture showed how attentive he was and it made Mahiru smile. While Kuro wasn’t the type for words, he showed how he cared through his actions. He wondered if it was because he grew up in London.

Kuro moved to Japan for school and they were roommates. Mahiru would show him around Tokyo and they grew closer until they started dating. “Licht would tell me how Hyde likes to flirt with him in public. I wonder if Englishmen are all forward like you two.”

“I don’t think I’m the same my brother.” Kuro didn’t know why Mahiru would compare them when they didn’t have similar personalities.

“Well, you’re not as loud as Hyde but you both act casual when it comes to being so affectionate in public.” Mahiru thought of the Hollywood movies he watched and how the couples would openly kiss each other. He questioned if Kuro was the same with his past partners and he felt slightly jealous. Kuro saw his brows furrowed slightly and he worried that Mahiru was uncomfortable.

“I’ve been in Japan for a few years but I’m still learning. Sorry.” He sat straighter and he started to pull his hand back. Mahiru placed his hand over his to keep his arm around his waist. He threaded their fingers together and tenderly rubbed his thumb along his knuckles. His hands were strong but he knew how gentle they could be.

“I like how you’ll put your arm around my shoulder when we walk down the street.” Mahiru told him. “I was just thinking of how you’d do things like that with others. I know that it’s immature to feel jealous and I have nothing to worry about but…”

He trailed after Kuro lifted his hand to his lips and kissed his fingers. “I don’t do things like this because I grew up in London. It’s only for you, Mahiru.”

“Isn’t the ocean beautiful, Kuro?” Mahiru stared at the endless, blue ocean as they walked along the boardwalk. They could walk for miles but he wouldn’t become tired as long as Mahiru was with him. They would occasionally stop at a shop and browse the items on sale. Mahiru didn’t have extravagant tastes and preferred to wear simple clothes. Kuro thought that Mahiru was already beautiful with his smile so he didn’t need expensive clothes.

“We should go to the beach for our next trip.” Kuro heard a bike approach them and he looked over his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around Mahiru’s waist and pulled him out of the bike’s path. Unfortunately, a few feet ahead of them, an elderly woman wasn’t able to evade the bike quickly enough. The woman stumbled to the ground and dropped her bags. Mahiru immediately ran forward to help her.

“Are you okay?” He knelt next to the grandmother and helped her to her feet. Kuro joined them and he began to collect the groceries she dropped. Mahiru was glad that she appeared unhurt and she was able to stand on her own. A part of him was still worried and he asked, “Is there someone you can call and ask if they’ll help you home? Carrying so much might be difficult after your fall.”

“What a kind boy you are. Thank you.” She smiled. She waved away his concern and told him, “My children are at work and I don’t want to trouble them by calling for help. I should be fine. My house is only ten minutes from here and my husband is waiting for me.”

Despite her reassurance, Kuro could see that Mahiru felt hesitant to walk away from someone who was hurt. He knew how kind he was and he openly wore his emotions on his face. He knelt in front of the elderly woman and said: “You’ve been leaning on your left leg so the fall hurt you. Even if nothing’s broken, you shouldn’t walk. I’ll carry you on my back.”

“I appreciate your offer. You look so much like my grandson. It’s rare to find someone with red eyes like yours.” She said once she saw Kuro. The grandmother accepted his help and she climbed onto his back. He stood and noticed Mahiru’s smile in the corner of his eyes. He felt himself blush under his tender gaze. Kuro could almost read his thoughts.

Mahiru carried the plastic bags as they walked down the street. They followed the directions she gave them and they entered a residential area nearby. He asked the woman about her grandson to start a casual conversation. Kuro merely listened to them laugh together and he thought of how he was able to connect with others easily. He had a warmth that drew people to him.

“Are you two dating?” She asked suddenly. “You two seem close. Did I interrupt your first date?”

“Actually, Kuro and I have been dating for a year now. Finals week ended and we wanted to celebrate by going on a date to Yokohama.” Mahiru told her. Whenever he thought of Kuro, he couldn’t help but smile to himself. “You live here. Do you know good places for a couple to visit?”

“My husband and I have tickets to the Ferris wheel at Cosmo World. It doesn’t look like we can go because my old bones are aching from the fall. You two should take the tickets and enjoy yourselves! It’ll be my way to thank you for helping me.” She offered. “My husband prefers to stay inside so I’m sure he won’t mind giving you the ticket.”

“Kuro is similar. His ideal date is to watch a movie on the couch.” Mahiru loved the late nights they would spend simply cuddling in front of the television. While they had different personalities, they made each other happy. Kuro taught him how to slow down and enjoy the day.

“But he came all the way to Yokohama for a date with you.” She said and Mahiru nodded.

“I wonder if we’ll be able to see Tokyo Tower when we reach the top of the Ferris Wheel.” Mahiru stared out the window as the cart slowly rose higher into the sky. The view before them was beautiful and he didn’t know if he should focus on the starry sky or the neon lights reflecting on the water. In the end, he found himself staring at Kuro and his way the light highlighted his strong features.

The night air was a little cold so he leaned closer to Kuro next to him. He tilted his head back to gaze up at him and pursed his lips slightly. Even without words, he knew what Mahiru wanted. He leaned down to kiss him briefly. Mahiru wrapped his arms around Kuro and said, “That elderly couple was nice to give us those tickets. Do you think that’ll be us one day?”

“By the time we’re old, there should be a service that picks up groceries for us and you wouldn’t have to go out to buy them on your own. We can both stay home and play bingo.” They both laughed as they imagined the scene. Kuro never thought of romance or marriage while he was a child but he could easily imagine those things with Mahiru. Even after years passed and they were old, he would help Mahiru carry groceries home.

[multifandom-world8]

SECRET OBSESSION-CHAPTER 5

We had a few more days in London before we fly to San Diego for the comic con.

Henry texted me that he wants to take me to breakfast and that whenever I’m ready he’s waiting at the lobby.

I put on a wintry outfit since and it was a bit chilly outside and left my room.

“Good morning love” Henry smiled when he saw me “good morning” I smile and kiss his cheek.

He took me to a restaurant called

‘Victory garden cafe’, it was style like an old Greek place, vintage.

“Good morning and welcome Mr.cavill and Ms.heard follow me”

The hostess said as she gestured us to follow her causing me to frown

“I’m a regular here” Henry shrugged

and I chuckled.

After we both ordered our food we shared some experiences from past movies we filmed.

That is until my dog sitter called

“Oh I've gif to take that one in sorry” I quickly apologized to Henry Henry before I picked up

“Lea, is everything alright?” I asked her

“She has stomach aches y/n what do I do?” Lea asked me in a panicked tone

“Okay give her the special dog food and rub her belly until it passes, she’s joining me soon tell her that she’ll calm down” I instructed her “okay I’ll keep you updated on her condition” Lea said before she hung up.

“You have a dog?” Henry asked me

“Yes, a Siberian husky, her name is Isabel but I call her Izzy all the time” I smile as I show him a picture of me and her that’s also my Lock Screen.

“She’s so beautiful, almost as big as my dog” Henry chuckled

“Yeah Kal is HUGE” I chuckled too

“He’s coming to San Diego too, maybe they’ll keep each other company” henry suggested

“Sounds good but can your dog sitter handle both of them? Because I won’t have mine” I chuckled

“Yeah that’s no problem” Henry shrugged.

We both enjoyed an amazing breakfast before we went to have a little tour. Henry was here before so he took me to all of the beautiful and time-worthy places.

Back at the hotel, I thanked him for the amazing tour and we had dinner together too before going to sleep.

The next few days we spent by interviewing local news and signing autographs before we finally headed to San Diego for the comic con.

I was beyond excited to fly to San Diego, not only because it’s my first time there, but also because it’s my first comic con.

When we landed at the airport I saw Lea with Isabel, my dog,

And immediately ran to her, not caring than I just abandoned Henry with my suitcase.

“Oh I missed you so much” I hugged Isabel tight While she licked my face “did she behave?”

I asked lea

“She was amazing as usual. But she got a stomach ache again on the way here so I stopped giving her her sweets for a while” Lea said as she handed me Isabel’s bag

“Thank you so much, Lea, enjoy your vacation” I hugged her and when we broke she ran to her gate to catch her flight.

“She’s so cute” Henry said once he catches up to us

“Omg hen I’m so sorry I abandoned you with my stuff” I apologize

“It’s alright I would’ve done the same for Kal” Henry chuckled

“Well then you’d have to kiss your suitcase goodbye because not all of us have crazy muscles as you do”

Isabel licked my face again before she ran and started jumping on Henry, trying to get to his face

“Traitor” I muttered and Henry chuckled “she’s so cute” he said as let go of the suitcases and bent down to pet her.

Seeing Henry so sweet and caring with Isabel made my heart swell with happiness.

I no longer saw him as Henry that was had a dark side, but Henry the giant softy.

This time henry and I decided to share a room at the hotel with princess and Kal.

Kal was waiting for us at the lobby with Henry’s dog sitter and surprisingly, Isabel liked him immediately too.

The two just jumped around each other excitedly.

“They are so adorable!” Gal said as she joined Henry and I

“Just like their owners” Jason smirked

“Oh shush you” I blushed deeply.

Jason, gal and Henry kept talking about something while I noticed Ben glaring at me from the reception area.

“Hen I’ll be right back, keep an eye on her for me?” “Is everything okay?” He asked me “yeah yeah just need to talk to Ben for a second” I reassured him before I handed him Isabel’s leash.

“Okay, what’s with the glares? You’ve been giving me the stinky eye ever since we left London” I asked Ben

“Is everything a game to you?” He spat

“What are you talking about?” I frowned

“Did you use me to get a reaction from him? Huh? I thought you said he was mean to you and had a thing with amy” Ben growled

“Woah take a chill pill man. I was not using you, we went out for a drink, I thought it was a friendly hangout. And he wasn’t mean on purpose amy was blackmailing him” I explained even though I didn’t think I had to justify my actions to him.

“You’re lying. Amy may be crazy but she would never do such a thing” Ben scoffed

“she’s a class a psycho ben, You know what if you don’t believe me ask Henry I’m fed up with all of these accusations” I told him angrily before I stormed off back to henry.

“Hey what’s wrong?” Henry asked me once he noticed my angry expression

“I’m not in the mood to talk about it” I said as I felt tears threatening to fall.

I took my room key and went up to the room with Isabel and hugged her as I cried.

I guess I cried so hard because I didn’t hear Henry walk in until I felt Kal licking my cheek.

“Y/n please tell me what’s wrong”

Henry said as he sat next to me on the floor

“I’m so fed up with all the criticism” I sobbed

“What did Ben tell you?” Henry asked, a hit of anger in his tone

“He thought I was using him to provoke you, that I’m a liar” I whimpered.

Henry pulled me into a hug and brushed my hair with hands softly

“I’ll talk to him later, you’re amazing y/n, you saved me from Amy, I don’t know what I would do without you” he muttered and I felt myself smiling as I lean into him more.

“Thank you hen, I needed it”

“No problem love” he kissed my head.

We stayed like this a little more until it was time to get ready for an interview we had with all of the cast(except for Amy thank goodness).

I was seated between Henry and Jason, making me feel like a complete short ass next to these two giants.

“Guys welcome! So nice to see you all together. Are you feeling like a proper family?” Jamie, the interviewer asked us

“It’s like a family reunion every time you know” Ray chuckled

“So, like if you were a family, who’s got the worst habit?” Jamie asked

“I think Ezra” I said “I chew my nails a lot, and it’s apparently bad for your nails in a long term, is it really bad or is y/n just messing with me again?” Ezra asked

“I don’t think” Gal shook her head

“Jason has a habit of taking our clothes off all the time” Ben said and Jason raised his hand proudly while saying guilty making us all laugh

“Henry in this film has a habit of being dead so you’re gonna see him” ray shrugged “yeah I’m the dead uncle” “that’s right ” ray chuckled

“It’s nice to see the ghostly figure. Spotting some nice facial fluff” Jamie said, referring to Henry’s mustache

“He had it before” I said “really?”

“Yeah” Henry chuckled

“Well I wanted to talk to you about something and it’s beardy Batman” Jamie said as he looked at Ben

“Beardy Batman, yes. At the beginning of the movie you get to see bearded Batman which we haven’t done on screen before and uh I thought it was kind of cool and just so you know they added in the white streaks in the beard, those were not present before” Ben explained

“Well obviously with all of you in together you get to see your very cool costumes, was there any costume envy?” Jamie asked

“I was jealous of Gal’s costume because Unlike mine hers is not tight” I said causing her to laugh

“I could barely breath in it”

“Yeah I was kind of envious of ray because he didn’t have a costume” Ben said “I had an onesie, I was calm cool and collected. I did have a muscle suit that I wore sometimes with like the hoodie and sweatpants and I got the feel of what it's like to be them on a certain level. But I envy their costume because they actually exist you know?” Ray smiled

“What’s the costume like at the end of the day?” Jamie asked

“Sweaty” Ben and I said at the same time

“Smells like a foot” Ezra added

“Yeah even mine” ray chuckled

“Costume people on this movie earned their money” Ben said

“Re you guys ready for the world of the dc family? A few of us have done a few of these films now. They’re absolutely obsessed aren’t they?” Jamie asked

“Passionate for sure, I wouldn’t say obsessive but we all are we love our characters” I said and everyone nodded in agreement

“You’re doing these movies knowing there’s going to be expectations from the fans, they’re going to pay a lot of attention to the details and everything that comes out to the internet,even the minor nonsense turns into a big story” Ben explained

“Gal you tweeted yesterday and already have 46,000 likes “ Jamie said

“How much?” She gasped with a smile

“46,000 likes” Jamie said again

“look at her- how many likes?” I asked as I intimated Gal’s voice

Causing everyone to laugh

“I think that the fact that people care so much about these characters is pretty amazing because I think that there is this amazing device of universe that we can tell stories with and so many people are interested in hearing what we have to say. It’s an amazing thing and it’s not to be taken for granted and this is the reason why we keep on making these movies...because people care so much” Gal told Jamie

“Okay thank you guys so much for coming, it was fun” Jamie said and the interview was over.

Henry and I returned to the hotel to have dinner together before we headed to bed.

“You were quiet today during the interview” I told Henry “well most of the questions were not directed to me so but I did talk” Henry shrugged

“It was fun to be with all of the crew” I smiled

“I’m glad you had fun love, now rest up, we had a long day” Henry kissed my head before he turned off the light and we fell asleep.

A/n-I’m opening a tag list for my stories, comment if you’re interested to be in it!💕

[latina4rmbx]

Purpose Driven Life...

Before you get in a huff, I know the title above is the title to a Religious Diary.  I have one, someone very dear to me gave me. However, this is not totally religious.  Now, notice I said “NOT TOTALLY?”  Well, when it comes to living your purpose or finding your purpose in life, it’s kind of difficult to ask those questions without mentioning a higher power driving you.  Get it?  No?  You will.

I will admit, I am a person who is random.  I will randomly reach out to people I haven’t communicated with in years, just because they were on my mind.  I will randomly sing a song because it’s stuck in my head and I will randomly ask a question, because this is what I do.

What if I tell you, my randomness isn’t..well, for lack of a better term...random?  What if there is a rhyme and reason for everything I do (I can’t speak on anyone else BUT myself) even if I don’t know it at the time I do it?  You may think I’m talking about a higher power controlling me or the universe or the spirits that guide me.  Whatever you call it, I’ve realized, my randomness is NOT random.

For the record, I will say, not every time I want to reach out to someone I do it.  I think of them, wonder how they’re doing, pray for them - hoping they’re well - and then go about my life.  There are some doors that need to remain closed, and for the most part, I’m good on maintaining this level of closure.

Yesterday I reached out to a dear friend of mine.  Mind you, we probably converse once every few months.  Not because there isn’t love there, there is an abundance, but life being what it is.  You know the story.  I reached out as I was driving, because she was on my mind heavy.

SIDE NOTE:  This is the little sister of an ex of mine.  He passed away a couple of years ago.  His death anniversary and his birthday are days apart.  So whenever August/September rolls around I think of her very much.  She was my rock during this ordeal and I hope I was hers.

I reach out to her on some “what’s up? how you doin’?” type but something compelled me to ask a simple question:  “Are you happy?”  Now, it may be an innocent question however, I know this womans life story.  I know her parents, her brothers, he children, her love and her heart break.  Without getting into detail, she has suffered a lot of constant heartbreak.  When I say “constant,” I mean, it was one thing after another after another and she didn’t get a break from it.  Me, being witness to part of her heartbreak, I had to ask.  She has recently taken control of her life and I am so proud of the woman she IS and has always been.

SIDE NOTE:  I am a very honest person.  Honest to a fault.  Don’t get me wrong I have lied, here and there, but when it really counts, I will be honest because it’s what I expect from those around me.  Those who can be honest with me, regardless of how it makes them look (honest about themselves) or how it will make me feel (honest about me) are those who I treasure most.  But I digress...

Her response was a very short and appropriate one:  “  Wow that’s pretty deep!  It’s okay that you didn’t to text me.  He was definitely on my mind.  Am I happy....I’m not where I want to be but I’m nowhere near where I was in the dark.  I’m on the right track to my happiness.  What made you ask me that?  How about you?  Are you happy??

Well, didn’t she just lob that question right back at me?  “I am happy.  Very.  I had to choose to be.”

Now, here is where things take a very meaningful turn.

This is something I have been vocal about, but not really on social because frankly it’s no ones business, until I allow it to be someone’s business.  Again, without getting into too much detail, Bebesito and I had been going through a really rough patch.  At the end of the day, I allowed my insecurities override my happiness.  More on that in another blog...MAYBE

HER:  “So you worked things out with your boyfriend?  Last time we spoke there was some things going on.”

Since I was driving, I sent her a series of audio texts, explaining myself.  

EXCERPT:  “Since I forgave him, and he’s really trying, I decided to change my attitude.  I had to change the way I was approaching him and life because everything was getting me down.  I depressed.  I was crying all the time.  I was hurt all the time and we were arguing all the time.  Something just clicked.  I don’t know why, I don’t know how.  I thank God that it happened.  I didn’t want to feel that way anymore.  I didn’t feel hopeless, but I felt worthless.  I decided to be happy and it’s working.  Just for your knowledge (and I guess the knowledge of my 4 readers) I really want to be with him and I knew the way I was approaching him was not going to give me that end result.  He was going to leave me.”

MIND YOU:  He has never said if I don’t change he’s going to leave.  However, there is but so much badgering a person can take.  

EXCERPT CONT:  “It was like I was fulfilling a prophecy I didn’t want to come true.  The change has been recent.  I decided - this is who he is.   There are things I don’t like about him, but I also think it’s a man thing.  You have to sometimes tell them.”

Then I go into a quick example - here’s what happened:  I went on vacation for a week.  When I returned home, a fuse blew at the apartment and all of my food in the fridge spoiled.  I mean it was hot and bugs were growing, so the fuse tripped probably at the start of my trip.  Anywho, I tell my boyfriend because he’s my best friend and I tell him everything. His replies to me were “that’s crazy.  I’m so sorry.  damn babe..”  Etc.  But he never offered help.  THAT incensed me, because I’m like dude, you eat here practically every day, why don’t you offer to help me?  I had made up my mind that if he didn’t offer to help, I was going to leave him.

FELLAS:  This is really how women think and you never know how close you come to being left on a daily.  I’m not saying it’s your fault.  I’m just saying, pay better attention.

I don’t think me wanting to leave him because he didn’t offer to help me was fair to him.  Mind you, I am a woman who always gets shit done.  I don’t know how but I figure out a way, always.  He knows this.  So in his mind, I don’t think he would even think to offer help, because I always figure it out.  Not saying it’s right, just saying that’s what it is.  

Then I thought about unfair it was to him.  Also, I was so stressed out and probably wasn’t thinking clearly on the verge of tears.  So I asked him, listen, can you give me money for groceries.  Actually what I said was:  I feel weird asking this, however if I don’t ask, I won’t know.  Can you give me money for groceries?  And his response was “of course.”  

To think, a few minutes prior, I was thinking about leaving him.    I am learning that I can’t assume someone knows my situation, and this includes him.

I couldn’t continue trying to have him live up to this expectation, when he had no clue what I was expecting of him.  There I vowed to change.  I feel lighter and easier.  I feel better, Our relationship is better.  We talk more. We talk to each other which is one of the reasons why I am able to choose to be happy.  

I ended the messages to her saying:  I feel proud of how far we’ve come.  He and I, we’ve come far and we’re both willing to make it work...regardless of the mistakes.

Let me remind you, I haven’t spoken to her in a few months.  I knew her situation and how she was getting away from it.  I understood where she was coming from and knew what she felt she had to do to get to happy.  However, I didn’t know that my story about my rotten food was going to make her tear up.

IN A NUTSHELL:  Women who have had to be strong their entire lives, have a hard time relying on anyone.  And when someone wants to help, genuinely help, we always think there’s an underlying reason and we are leery.  This is the toxicity of women that we refuse to discuss.  We take on so much that we don’t let men be men and then wonder why they leave us.  Well, we show them time and again we don’t need them and men need to feel needed.  It’s the Masculine/Feminine that we have give and get.  Men need to be needed and women need to be wanted.  Not through any fault of their own.  This is where Daddy issues and generational curses come into play.  But this is where we are in this story.

So she explains to me what’s been happening in her life and the fact that I am choosing to be happy and letting the past be the past and forgiving and allowing myself to be forgiven, all to be happy, she had some giving up of herself to do too.  

Mind you, when I asked “Are you happy?”  I had no idea what was happening in her life.  I just knew she was starting a new one.  I was genuinely curious to know if she was happy with the choices she made.  I mean, I am nosy that way.  I didn’t know how deep of an impact those words can have on another human.  Especially, when one has been so unhappy for a long time.  You sometimes have to sit back and really think about what’s being asked.  Something as simple as asking, “Are you happy?” can cause a person to reevaluate their lives.

I ended up telling her, I guess this is MY purpose in your life.  To push you forward.  To check in from time to time and make sure you get to happy.  Whether it’s uprooting your family and moving to another state.  Saying YES to that man, because you’ve been hurt so many times before.  Saying NO to someone you love because they hurt you, etc.  

I don’t know if this is my purpose in life.  To tell the stories from my perspective and my experiences.  Maybe someone is going through something similar and needs to know they aren’t alone.  Please note, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  

From the bottom of my heart, I hope my blog, at the very least helps someone feel like they are not alone.  We are all human and go through things in our lives that make us question “What is my purpose?”  Maybe your purpose is to guide someone else.  This doesn’t have to be literal in response.  I hope you all live your purpose.

Thanks for reading.

XOXO

[mattatouile]

re: my post yesterday. i’m going to share a story of when ‘the american dream’ becomes reality and how much ‘pulling up by my bootstraps’ can be some real ass bullshit. this is a story about having to be treated for ptsd because of a ‘white collar’ job. also, why my post last night was so dramatic and not just tired but sad because yesterday was triggering for me. 

sidebar: i truly doubt anyone will read this novel, but maybe someone will and maybe someone needs to read that it’s okay if you’re overwhelmed. i told myself repeatedly i was too weak, too dumb, too lazy to be successful and it just wasn’t true. 

so, i’m from an extremely small town in a very rural area of a gulf coast state. while my parents are now very comfortable, when i was 4 my dad lost his job and with five kids at home and a mortgage and a shit economy, my parents had to file for bankruptcy and move in with my grandparents until my dad could get a job. so all 7 of us were in two small bedrooms. oh right and my younger sister had to be re-hospitalized at a few weeks old for failure to thrive because she was allergic to literally every single kind of milk we tried until we landed on corn milk. that was fun for my parents, too.

anyway, i didn’t come from a super posh background and my parents worked extremely hard to provide for us. 

i went to a very small university. i was the first in my family to go to university. my senior year, i applied to a Very Large Corporation that was Very Important to the industry i was going into. i got the job. 1600 miles away from where i grew up. boy, did people flip the fuck out for me. how did i do it? idk guys. i applied, i had great grades, i had years of applicable experience because i worked during school, and i was going to graduate with the requisite hours to sit for professional examination. 

so off i went. living the american dream. i pulled myself up by my bootstraps!!! just like you’re supposed to. 

it was fucking awful. it was a terrible, dehumanizing job where we were expected to work sixteen hour days consistently, on extremely tight deadlines, where everything was the end of the world. i was alone in this very far off city.

i had always struggled with depression and anxiety, or since i was fifteen at least. but i went through it. and then they ‘chose not to continue’ with my employment after i spent three months begging to be transferred to an office close to home. i had never in my life been anything other than The Model Employee. it shattered my confidence. it shattered my sense of self. it shattered my life self-worth. and every single supervisor i worked with was shocked. because people are never let go without something really really bad happening. i hadn’t failed in any notable way and so people were shocked. cool. i still have no idea what i did that was so bad, other than reporting sexual harassment and then begging for a transfer. or right. i forgot the sexual harassment by a client. but you’re not supposed to talk about that. especially not an important client.

so i moved back to the gulf coast and took the same job at a medium sized company, thinking maybe it was just the soulless corporation that was the problem. only instead, this time i still worked 16 hour days regularly, i didn’t take more than a singular day off at a time for four years. when i finally took a vacation, i hadn’t even landed before my boss had texted me four times with things i needed to do. but i had left my work computer at home. this was...an issue between the two of us. 

after four years of crying more days than not. of coming home and living with someone that was constantly concerned for me. after four years of thinking ‘if i actually have a meltdown where i finally break i could be hospitalized for a while and my bosses couldn’t even get to me.’ and while i logically knew hospitalization is not a vacation (my sister has been hospitalized, i know how sick people are), it still felt like it couldn’t be worse than what i was going through, because i was so cripplingly depressed and stressed and anxious that i couldn’t even think. 

finally, i got into therapy. it took two sessions before i laid out everything that had happened in the past five years. i confessed it all. just puked it everywhere. every gross feeling. every feeling of failure. every time i had slept four hours and started working because i had so much to do. not reporting billable hours because we were expected to work but not admit it. shitty health insurance. no overtime no matter how much you worked. fair-to-middlin’ pay. all of it. 

my therapist said, ‘you have ptsd. all of these symptoms and reactions you’re talking about, that’s ptsd.’ i laughed at him. i hadn’t been in a war zone. i hadn’t been physically abused. how could i have ptsd?

but i let my therapist treat me for ptsd. he all but begged me to please find another job. not the same job at a different company, but literally anything else. i did, eventually, where i worked better hours with much better health insurance and benefits. but more importantly, it was a positive environment where not every bit of feedback was about how you were fucking up and not doing enough.

several weeks after i finally left my other company, i had lunch with a former coworker that i’d always gotten along with. he finally just said, ‘i have no idea why they were targeting you, but your manager and her direct report were targeting you. we could all tell.’ 

i had never felt so validated in my life. i wasn’t imagining things. i wasn’t blowing them out of proportion. i was targeted for particular institutional abuse and everyone knew it and no one helped. because so many other people existed in this abusive work environment to the point that we all just thought it was normal at this point. abuse becomes normalized because you’re told how lucky you are to have such a respectable job.

the company i worked for shut down and i had to find another job. this one is awesome so far. awesome. but we had some software issues, so yesterday i had to work a sixteen hour day. and i was so triggered and didn’t realize it until this morning. at the end of this long day, i cried and felt defeated. even though my bosses knew it would just be this one or two days that was so overwhelming. 

institutional ptsd is real and you can be triggered even when things are going well.

[archivedatl]

AP web exclusive: All Time Low tour diary

Posted by Scott Heisel on 08-Dec-06 @ 04:43 PM

Last month, Baltimore pop-punkers All Time Low took to the road with Sugarcult for a series of shows on the West Coast. Here's some of what they saw, in words and pictures. Learn more at www.alltimelow.com.

#1------------------------------------------------------------ Ooohooo So last night we celebrated two awesome occasions...well 3 since matt's molars finally grew in...anyways yesterday was Haloween and our first night of our tour with Sugarcult. I must say, it is pretty strange touring with a band who I spent the better years of my middle school life watching on MTV. Regardless of where this band has been, it definetly didn't eff with their personalities. They were all super nice to us and each came up and introduced themselves. The show went pretty well but it wasn't a good judgement of our the whole tour is going to be because Sugarcult didn't even headline, the Eagles Of Death Metal did, and the tickets for $25 on Haloween night :) I'm sorry but I would never go to a show if those were the circumstances...I'd be out expanding my collection of holiday treats. Tonight the 'real' tour begins so we will see how it goes. We are playing Washington State University in Pullman Washington. We haven't done too many college shows, so this should be interesting...anyways before we got on the road a couple days ago we were couped up in Ben Harper's (formely of yellowcard, now in amber pacific) house/studio in long beach, CA working on our new CD :). We demoed some hot licks that were going to send over to our producer matt squire so that he can put in some input. I heard my blogs are going to be posted on the Alternative Press website for this tour, so if that's the case then...helll yeah! Well I just woke up from sleeping in the van so I am gonna walk out into the freezing streets of Pullman, WA crack my back and grab some Qudoba. Much Love, Jack --jbstar #2------------------------------------------------------------ Yoo dooodds, So I'm gonna update you guys on the passed couple shows...on Wednsday we played Washington State University. Those kids are freaking crazy! Everyone seemed to be having a good time and we made some awesome new friends. I cannot stress enough, how cool the Sugarcult guys are. Which is really cool because I have been listening to those guys since 6th grade! Anyways before we played, matt thought it would be a good idea to have a fork and knife fight backstage...yeah it turned pretty ugly and we should have some footage online soon enough. That night we partied at 'The Christmas House'. Lets just say that I'm pretty sure alex made out with a dog...I really miss Hit The Lights :( Anways...we played Seattle after the college show and it was offf the hoooook. Everyone in the room was dancing and it got pretty redic. As soon as we told them the alex/dog story they went nuts. We met up with the Pink Spiders that night. We were nervous about that because we've heard some stuff...but for real those guys are the shit. There all super nice and we have no complaints about them. We have yet to tour with a band who we don't get along with (fingers crossed). We also heard that we may be doing a few shows with Cobra Starship in Dec, if that happends that would be sick. I'll keep you guys updated. Someone made us a bucket of the craziest donuts ive ever seen at the portland show last night!! They were reallly good. Sorry for the lack of pics, I'll make sure my next post has more, its just hard to take good pics on a sidekick :). Talk to you guys soon!!Jacko #3------------------------------------------------------------ Yo Babaayyss, Last nights show was off the hook! I love playing at The Boardwalk in orangevale calii. The crowd was as wild as usual and a bunch of kids were singing along. A lot of the same kids who saw us there on the Amber Pacific tour came back. Its always cool to see so many familiar faces,,,cough cough hint hint nudge...you get the idea folks! The next couple shows should be interesting...reno and vegas. I wont be able to gamble but at least ill be able to look at a lot of lights. We all have family comming out, so that should be exciting. I havent seen my brother and sister in ages and i know their gonna be wasted so that means they will be even more friendly :) Also Meg n Dia join up in vegas which is sick, SO SIKED FOR THAT!!! We met them on warped and their super nice. anyways i think its time, i go to In and Out because after this tour im not going to be able to go back for a while :( im going to eat there everyday twice a day until we leave Arizona. Ive attached pics from our set on the Epitaph stage at this years Bamboozle Left and also some pics of our acoustic set the 2nd day! Thanks to everyone who watched us either/both days :) love you peace peace n a bottle o' hair grease, jack #4------------------------------------------------------------ Wow...vegas has to be one of the strangest places on this earth. First of all we showed up in Reno (shity city) only to find that only sugarcults crew was there and the show probably wasnt going on. We were welcomed by a hooker in a pink tanktop and no teeth asking if we had any shirts we could give her...Thankfully we have power windows and middle fingers. Thankfully zack was asleep or he might have took her up on some of her offers...he's getting desperate you know..just kidding! Anyways we decided to hang out with sugarcults crew for a little then start the drive to vegas early since it was 8 house. We got to go over the Hoover Damn which was sweet. It's seriously Vegas Vacation all over again! Anyways, we got to vegas around midnight and it was a fantastic site! My bro and sis were staying at the MGM so thats where i headed. Rian to the Excalibur, Alex and Matt to the Venecian and Zack to the Luxor. We all split up and hung out with our fam for the evening. My brother took me around vegas and boyyy was it interesting. I was approached by numerous drunk people. It was basically like an Ocean City, Maryland for older people. It's just a place for adults to drink, walk around drunk, act like teenagers and maybe gamble a bit here n' there. it was Akward to say the least. Anyways the next day was the show at the House Of Blues at Mandalay Bay...probably one of the nicest venues we have ever played. We introduced ourselves to the Meg n Dia folks and got to know our new tour mates as we shared a dressing room. We soon found they are awesome people and they share a love for getting wild! The show was pretty cool, and the crowd was big. It was weird though because the merch was not in the venue, it was in the cassino haha. Anyways Vegas was an experience we wont forget, and I cant wait till we go there again. I hope the next time we go, were 21...actually nevermind because that would be three years :)stay rad, Jack #5------------------------------------------------------------ Lame! Tonight was our last show on the Sugarcult Tour featuring The Pink Spiders and Meg n Dia :( Damone will be taking our place on this great lineup. I am jelous that they get to join up! Anyways we made some lifetime friends on this tour and it was a great experience for everyone. Every single show was amazing and the fans never let us down. Traveling to bumfuck arizona and hearing a couple hundred kids sing your song is the coolest feeling ever. Sugarcult was very warming towards us and their personalities suprised the shit out of me. they were such cool guys and even when zack was sick they made him soup and gave him Emergen-C. WHO DOES THAT !?!? Thats like something my mom does...so in a way Sugarcult are our parents. They actually reffered to us as their younger brothers on stage. At the last show of the tour in Little Rock, Arkansas us and Meg n Dia ran on stage during "Bouncing Off the Walls" and started bouncing around and took over Tim's Guitar n Mic, Marko's (my twin) guitar and Airens Bass. It was so fun to bro down with a band that ive been listening to since middle school haha. Alex also got to soundcheck with sugarcult at Texas AM College because tim was at the hospital taking care of his sickness (i think he had a nasty cold). It was so crazy to see alex soundcheck with a band who for the past few years have held a special spot on my ipod and in my cd player :) I attached a pic of him sound-checking for fun. At the end of the show we said our goodbyes and gave our hugs. This is'nt the end of these friendships though, only the beggining...now we head home to write a new cd. Catch us on the road in the northeast in december when we head out with Cobra Starship! Stay safe, Jack

[thefinalcinderella]

Tsurune Book 2 Chapter 1-Two People, Travelling Together (Part 2)

In this chapter: A bit of Kazemai, a lot of Kirisaki, a lot of exposition.

This part was long.

Glossary here

Full list of translations here

Transation Notes

1. Tenugui Shibori=手ぬぐいしぼり (lit. hand towel squeezing). Hannen Hanjaku= 半捻半弱 (lit. half twist, half bind). This refers to the thing where the right hand twists a little inwards, and the left thumb presses into the right side of the bow as much as possible. (probably got this wrong but I can only stomach so much kyudo terminology)

2. Akahon (lit. red book) refers to a set of university entrance exam preparation workbooks published by Kyogakusha. They contain past exams and are extremely popular.

3. Four and a half tatami mats is about  2.73 m × 2.73 m.

4. A nigiri-guchi is the door to a tea hut. It looks more like a window than a door if you look at the images.

5. An andon lamp is one of those traditional paper-enclosed lanterns. See some here

6. Sen no Rikyu was a major figure in the development of the tea ceremony,  particularly its simplicity. 

7. A repechage is a practice in a competition that allows failed participants to have another chance to move onto the next round.

Previous | Next

The sky in the breaks of the rainy season was blue, and the chirps of little birds could be heard. The exhilaration from placing his hands on the kyudojo's door never disappeared no matter how many times he did it. A different dimension that suddenly appeared in the world of school. Minato liked that.

The Kazemai High School Kyudo Club was working hard at practicing for the regional tournament that was drawing near quickly.

Seiya changed into his hakama and took off his glasses. The hidden mole next to his right eye became exposed.

"I was surprised when you brought Shuu home with you yesterday, Minato. Did he call you after?"

"He said we should practice together once summer vacation starts. Will you come too?"

"Of course I will, but you know what he said when he saw my face? 'Why are you here?' What rudeness towards his former teammate. I'll punish him next time."

"That's because you couldn't stop talking about soccer. Shuu was really hungry, you know. He even fell asleep on the return bus. Didn't he often fall asleep on the bus on the way back from trips in middle school?"

"…He never slept even once when he sat next to me. Probably not just with me, but next to anyone."

"Was that how it was?"

"Shuu's a charismatic guy with a lot of pride. Everyone shrinks when they're in front of him, or rather, they humble themselves, so it might be that he can become plain around you."

"I just thought he was a normal guy except for being really good at kyudo."

"Your sense of normal is paralyzed."

Hearing their conversation from next to them, Ryouhei leaned on Minato as though he was about to ride on his shoulders.

"I wanna try talking to Fujiwara-kun too. He's super cool. I wanna shoot like that too."

"Ryouhei, you're too heavy. Why are all the guys with big bodies who are next to me randomly leaning on me? Alright, you come shoot with us too, Ryouhei."

"Really? Yes! Fujiwara-kun uses a yonsun-nobi bow (233cm) too, right?"

"Yeah, it's rare for a high schooler to be taller than a hundred and eighty centimeters. People with big physiques probably have their own troubles, so Shuu might be able to answer anything we don't know about."

Kaito, changing next to them, turned to them with a sharp gaze.

"You guys, don't get all friendly with the enemy. Don't relax just because Narumiya got a kaichuu at the prefectural finals."

"Even if you call him the enemy, he's still my bow friend, and even you would think that it's educational to watch a skilled person shoot, right, Onogi?"

"If you want a guy who's tall and shoots well, then don't we have a coach named Masa-san here?"

"Masa-san and Shuu shoot differently. You can't know who would suit Ryouhei better."

Kaito and Minato calling each other by their first names was for only a moment of that competition, and they had once again returned to addressing each other by their family names.

There, they heard the sound of "Merha!"

Nanao peered at Kaito's face while a big grin appeared on his face.

"Geez, Kacchan, you're so shy. Just honestly say, 'I'm also interested in Kirisaki's Fujiwara. Why don't you invite me too? Invite me, invite me!'"

"Na-na-o. Don't make stuff up."

Nanao stuck out his tongue.

The five finished preparations and began practicing in the competition format.

Kyudo was done in "close-distance" (kinteki) and "long-distance" (enteki), and what Minato and the others were doing was a close-distance competition. They were competing for the number of arrows that hit the kasumi-mato with diameters of thirty-six centimeters from a distance of twenty-eight meters. The regional tournament would have teams of five and four arrows to each person. They would be shooting a total of twenty arrows within a time limit.

"Zasha" was the case of shooting after kneeling in the kiza position at the "shooting line" (shai), then turning to the wakishoumen, and then standing and doing ashibumi. The case of shooting by doing ashibumi while still standing at the shooting line was called "rissha." The left and right hands were called the "yunde and mete" or the "oshide and katte," and the eight-step process of shooting an arrow was also named. It was called the "Shahou Hassetsu."

The Shahou Hassetsu were as followed.

First, ashibumi: Spreading the feet, and making the correct posture for shooting.

Second, douzukuri: Placing the bow on the left thigh, and placing the right hand on the right hip. At this time, "tsurushirabe" and "noshirabe" are also carried out.

Third, yugamae: Taking the bowstring with the right hand ("torikake"), arranging the left hand ("tenouchi"), and viewing the target ("monomi").

Fourth, uchiokoshi: Raising both hands holding the bow and arrows upwards. There is "shoumen uchiokoshi" and "shamen uchiokoshi."

Fifth, hikiwake: Parting the raised bow evenly to the left and right. There are three ways to do this, one of which is "daisan."

Sixth, kai: The state of completing hikiwake.

Seventh, hanare: Releasing the arrow.

Eighth, zanshin: The position after releasing the arrow.

The first archer—the oomae—Kaito spread his feet widely.

He was holding two arrows, a "hitote." He nocked one of the arrows, and held the other one with the pinky and ring finger of his right hand.

Taking the string with his right hand and arranging his left hand, he then gently raised his two fists up to the same height. He pushed his bow, drew his string, and parted his bow left and right equally, and then made his arrowhead approach the center of the target. In order to not be defeated by the restoring force of the bow, he stretched vertically by stretching his spine and stretched horizontally by tensing his left and right arms. His arrow went towards the target along with a loud tsurune. "Alright!" The girls cheered.

Following Kaito, Ryouhei, Seiya, Nanao and the very last archer, the ochi, Minato each shot an arrow in that order, and the results after finishing with twenty shots were 4:2:3:3:3, a total of fifteen hits.

Tommy-sensei and Masa-san stood before the five.

"Although you are all restless with the gap between the prefectural and regional tournaments is closing, keep this up."

"Yes, sir!"

Tommy-sensei's smile widened at Ryouhei's energetic response.

"Improving your shooting form is not about trying to not think about hitting. In order to make your arrow fly straight, it is less deviating to draw with your whole body rather than the tip of your hand. "

"Ooh, I see."

"The fundamental form of kyudo takes the form of the 'tateyoko juumonji,' which consists of a combination of the vertical axis made up of the feet, hips, backbone, and neck, and the horizontal axes made up of the shoulders, arms, elbows, and hands. I want you to think of the Shahou Hassetsu that explains the method to create the fundamental form, so to speak, as a routine for hitting turned into a law."

"By routine, do you mean like the series of movements a baseball player must always carry out in the batter's box, sir?"

"That's right. Many etiquettes and behaviors may have begun with someone's routine that others copied, made into laws and rules, and spread."

"As expected of Tommy-sensei, he knows everything."

"Oh no, I was actually only speaking irresponsibly."

"Irresponsibly? What do you mean?"

The kyudojo instantly calmed down at Ryouhei's spacey reply.

Tommy-sensei put effort into teaching Ryouhei. Kyudo's close-range competitions had a hitting system where points already gained from previous rounds counted, so a one-hit reversal could not be hoped for. There was no way of victory other than each person making sure to not miss.

Masa-san called Minato to the makiwara equipped with a mirror.

"You were sort of twisting your right elbow a lot today."

"Oh, I was just trying to imitate Shuu's shooting a little."

"'Shuu'?"

"Kirisaki High's Fujiwara Shuu, my former teammate. I met with him unexpectedly at Saionji-sensei's house the other day."

"Do you mean Saionji Kazuyoshi-sensei? Another big name appears. Do you know him well?"

"He's mine and Shuu's first kyudo teacher. Although he is elderly, he also said that if I was able to stand before the targets for club, it would be better to not have two teachers, though I was taught by him until the end of my first year of middle school."

"For five years, he's a legend who's never missed a shot in an official setting such as a competition or a ceremony. Now that you mention it, Fujiwara's shooting form might be similar to Saionji-sensei's. A skilled archer calls it a 'tenugui shibori' or 'hannen hanjaku,' where the left hand rotates clockwise, and the right hand adds a hineri contrarily to that." (1)

"I want to try doing that too. At prefecturals, I was told by a sensei from somewhere to try doing hineri a little bit."

"In your case, your right hand is stronger, and when I look at you from the side, your bow is not straight, but tilted backwards. Also, you're wearing a supporter, but does your left wrist still hurt?"

"I don't know if there's a dull pain, or if it didn't get any worse but not healing at all."

"When you draw a bow, you hurt your left wrist when you bend it. Try watching your zanshin in a mirror. Do you see? Your wrist gets folded at the moment of hanare."

"I didn't notice that at all. Why do I do that?"

"I've told you a million times. When you miss, it's generally your left hand that is weak."

"Do you mean tensing my tenouchi's little finger? I was planning on doing that, though."

"Planning on doing it is no use; you don't do it at all. Don't add more tasks for yourself. Do what I tell you to do first. If you don't fix your habit, the more you shoot, the more you will hurt your wrist."

"Got it."

"Who's your kyudo master now?"

"Huh, …Tommy-sensei and you, Masa-san."

"That's right. Don't add anything extra from anyone else except for me."

What's with that? What's with that?

You didn't have to say it like that.

Recently, Masa-san was harsh. There was a frustration that couldn't be embodied, even though he understood it in his mind. A worthlessness.

Minato rubbed his left hand.

Tap, tap. Multiple matooto resounded.

"Alright!" The reverberating cheers indicated that Kirisaki High School was a powerhouse school.

However, Senichi's heart did not clear up. That was because Manji, who was always behind him, was not there. Manji was at the makiwara more than anyone else, doing nothing but practicing to prolong his kai.

A practice match participated in by the archers was being held on this day, and Kabashima occupied the third archer's position, replacing Manji who had been out of form in the prefectural tournament. After shooting four arrows in two sets, the match ended with thirty-two hits out of a total of forty shots.

Shuu and Senichi set down their bows and sat next to each other. Shuu took off the glove, "yugake," protecting his right hand, exposing from beneath a shitagake (underglove) with a purple pattern dyed onto a white background.

"Shuu, you changed your underglove? That's a nice pattern."

"Yeah, the dragonfly is said to be a winning insect, so it's a design preferred by warriors."

"Where'd you buy it?"

"I got it as a one-month late birthday present."

"Oh?"

The underglove, used for protecting the deerskin yugake from things like sweat, was mainly made of cotton, and there were many who were picky about thickness and shape of the cloth. White was recommended for examinations and the like, but there was an abundance of colours and patterns, and it was also an unseen enjoyment for archers.

On the advisor's signal, they dispersed and it was decided that they would stretch target paper over the frames (matohari). They removed the papers that were full of holes and repapered the frames with new target papers.

The club president, Motomura, spoke.

"After peeling the paper, please clean the frame with a scrubbing brush and water, then dry it."

"Motomura-senpai, Sase-senpai. The third-years should leave already, since we will be doing it afterwards."

"Thank you, Senichi-kun. But please allow me to repaper the targets I use, at least."

"Is that so? Then, please feel free to do it."

The target frames became chipped and cracked when arrows just barely hit the target, and were completely worn down.

While they waited for the washed frames to dry, they prepared the target papers and the under-papers. They cut Kraft paper into circles that were a size bigger than the frames, then made cuts at the edges with scissors. This same treatment of edges was applied to the target papers as well.

Motomura held a brush and coated the back of the papers with glue with practiced movements, and then other people quickly stuck them on the frames. They affixed the under-papers and target papers in that order, then arranged them so that they didn't overlap in order for them to dry. There would be wrinkles on them right after they finished sticking the papers, but after they dried for a while, the papers would automatically stretch and finish as neat-looking targets. The sight of the large number of targets lined up together was quite impressive, and it felt good to look out over the renewed targets.

Senichi, separating from everyone else to wash his hands, whispered to Manji.

"It's so amazing for Motomura-senpai and the others to do matohari, even though they're third-years. And, doesn't Shuu seem kinda down today?"

"That's cuz he lost the prefecturals even though he had by far the greatest number of hits, so it's impossible for him to cheer up right away. Even I, who rarely gets depressed, still can't break free from the hayake damage yet."

"It's not that, he's calmer than usual, or rather, mellower."

"I don't think he changed that much."

"So what was that urgent business of his yesterday?"

"Who knows? He'll tell us if we ask."

"We can't ask now. Aren't you frustrated? Someone who isn't us cheered Shuu up while we were unaware of it."

"Isn't that good? I thought that I haven't heard his voice a lot lately."

"Yeah, that's it. That's what I noticed too. I thought that Shuu seems to give advice to everyone, but he actually only answers questions, and he has never given advice of his own accord. Since no one, including me, asked Shuu questions lately, he doesn't need to talk."

"I feel like Shuu isn't very interested in other people. The only person he pays attention to is Narumiya from Kazemai High…"

Senichi and Manji first knew Shuu at the individual competition of the middle school prefectural tournament.

It was shocking. That there existed a boy the same age as them who was such a skilled archer.

The two boasted of having the highest hitting rates in their club, but the moment they saw Shuu shoot, they prostrated themselves before that overwhelming strength. For that reason, they asked an unreasonable favor of their parents and chose Kirisaki High School instead of a local high school. Unless they overcame Shuu, they were no match for the national finals. They thought that they would get close to him and steal his skills.

However, that intention vanished right after they enrolled.

Shuu was the Young Noble.

Without mentioning his good-looking appearance and a robust physique that surpassed those of others, someone who also had a sharp mind, an ancient and honorable pedigree, and a personality where he didn't self-deprecate as well as act conceited, was faultless and beyond reproach. As they continued to watch Shuu shooting from nearby, they were charmed by him more and more. How could he move his body so precisely? His shots were so unparalleled in their accuracy that one could think that there wasn't even one millimetre of deviation. It was worthy of being called a superhuman feat.

However, with Shuu missing the final shot at the prefectural tournament, they became aware of the pride and the heavy pressure of those who stood at the top. He missed, and yet his face did not crumble. Even now, he couldn't forget those empty eyes in his smiling face.

How embarrassing. The him who only stood next to Shuu and praised him. He was a cheap, insignificant existence.

Shuu was the "solitary" Young Noble.

There was no one here at Kirisaki who Shuu acknowledged, who stood next to him. There were no comrades for him.

"Sen-nii, you worship Shuu too much. Leaving that aside, keep me company for my hayake prevention training."

"Yeah, okay."

Manji wasn't as engrossed in Shuu as Senichi was. The brothers always spent the same amount of vigor and fire, but the time for separation might be approaching.

The two were going on their own paths.

"Manji."

"What is it, Sen-nii?"

"I'll move on from fast-shooting too. I'll definitely turn you back into a regular."

"…Yeah."

"I'll stop worshipping Shuu too."

"Yeah, that's good."

After they finished changing, they left the kyudojo.

There were almost no students left. Senichi and Manji returned to the dorms, but Shuu headed towards the bus stop by himself.

Senichi faced Shuu.

"Shuu, do you want to eat together after?"

"Sorry, my homework is piling up."

"Then, then, we'll see you off at the bus stop."

Senichi continued to talk as he walked.

"Hey, Shuu, do you have a brother?"

"What's with this all of a sudden? I have a sister who's a lot younger than me."

"What's your favorite food?"

"Takoyaki."

"Really? That's a bit surprising."

"To be precise, I like Japanese food in general."

"What about hobbies?"

"Open fires. When I watch a swaying flame, I strangely calm down."

"Calm down…"

He realized that Manji was panicking next to him, saying, "Sen-nii, Sen-nii, what are you doing!?"

This is hopeless. This is like a mixer or a marriage interview.

Senichi pulled himself together, and then revised the content of the conversation.

"Shuu, you could tell me and Manji apart from the very beginning, right? With which part do you usually do that?"

"Which part? I could tell immediately because your colours are different."

"Colours? No way, you can see the colours of people's auras?"

"I mean the personal characteristics, the features of something. The presence that exudes from a person, like facial expressions, mannerisms, thinking, actions, and so on. Well, before colours, you two have completely different faces. Sen looks more mature."

That's right. Shuu had never lumped us together as "the twins."

Even though we're twins, he recognizes us as separate people.

When the bus approached, Shuu turned away from them.

"Shuu. Will you watch my shooting tomorrow?"

"Okay, if you don't mind me doing it."

"I'll watch your shooting too. I'll immediately know the spots where you're different from usual. I watch you shoot every day, at any rate."

"…Yes, that's true."

Shuu turned around and placed his hand on Senichi's shoulder. This was the first time Shuu touched one of his teammates himself.

Shuu, wait for us.

We won't end up as just followers.

Senichi ran to the dorms, with Manji chasing behind him.

Kirisaki High School was not a boarding school, but there were many who lived in the dorms.

The Art Deco-style building was used as a vacation home and was remodelled, becoming a structure that was quite luxurious for a building that was intended for students.

Motomura's and Sase's room was the dorm leader's room, located in a corner of the top floor. The trees and high sky could be seen from the window, and there were not only writing desks and beds in the room, but also a sofa on which one could lie down. Of course, Sase's favourite idol, Noririn, smiled neatly and cleanly from atop his desk.

When Sase returned to his room, he first sat down on the right end of the sofa. That was because there was a window right next to it, and it was the best place for sunlight to shine in during the daytime, and moonlight during the night. For Motomura as well, the figure of his roommate there was strangely comforting.

Motomura took the position of dorm leader in his first year of high school. The dorm leader was chosen each spring from the residents by a majority vote. Usually, it was the oldest third-year who took the position, and was replaced every year, but the dorm leader at the time recommended and approved Motomura on a whim, and it continued on like that without him getting replaced. It seemed to be a very unusual situation.

And, the dorm leader was able to designate their roommate. The one he had always designated was Sase.

When Motomura first entered middle school, he had felt out of place in class. To give an example, he might have felt like a Japanese exchange student at a public school. Among his classmates who had to carefully think about how to treat a boy who was already brimming with refinement at a young age, Sase was the one who talked to him proactively. Sase loved idols, but he himself had idol-like qualities and a personality that was not bashful.

A young family head and a refreshing sportsman (who was an idol otaku on the inside). This slightly strange duo both chose the kyudo club for club activities, became friends, and that was how it was to this day.

Motomura sat next to Sase. He straightened his back and opened his notebook.

"Motomura, when's Kokutai?"

"October."

"It'll be a while, then. Even though you've been doing the qualifiers since January."

"That's right."

"Will you be okay? You have your parent-teacher meeting, so give your chores to me."

"Yes, I would have asked you even if you had not told me to."

Being a third-year in high school also meant preparing for university entrance exams. Many people retired from their clubs, not just the kyudo club after the prefectural tournament in June, went into exam preparation mode. There were not many who still continued their club activities, and they feel an anxiety all the same. The Interscholastic Athletic Meet, also known as the "National Tournament (High School Generals)" was in August, and the National Athletic Meet, also known as "Kokutai," was in October. It was not easy to sustain motivation.

Motomura and Sase were no exception. The two considered public universities and well-known difficult private universities—in other words, going to Tokyo. They had to decide their future course according to their situation from now on. A strong preparedness was needed to balance studying for exams and athletic activities.

Sase was said to be strong when it mattered, and he himself also thought that, but in fact it was different. As long as he was not someone who shot a hundred hits, he would have ups and downs. Sase was able to bring along with him the highest, best positions of those waves to when it mattered, in other words, to important days. Motomura watched Sase and learned to read his own waves and assemble a schedule.

"Motomura, rub my feet."

Sase threw his feet onto the sofa. With a "good grief" look on his face, Motomura pressed his thumb to the arches of his feet.

"Ooh, I'm in heaven. While you're at it, could I have you rub my calves too? Owww, your nails are cutting into me!"

"It's good that Senichi-kun and Manji-kun are working very hard, isn't it. I want to cheer them on."

"Those two are always glued to Fujiwara's sides. The former synchro twins are now the 'symmetrical twins.'"

"Don't you think Fujiwara-kun is such a waste? There should have been an invitation to enter the Kokutai qualifiers for him as well. You can participate Kokutai boys' division from the age of fifteen. They should not have ignored him, who was the champion for the overall individual competitions."

"He's still a first-year, so he doesn't have to rush, right?"

"We don't have a lot of time left. While knowing that we were getting busier and under a lot of pressure, we took on the tournament. I do not want to do things by halves."

"Right."

Sase put his feet back on the floor and patted Motomura's knee. Upon that, it was Motomura's turn to put his feet on the sofa. Massaging each other was a daily routine for the two of them.

Motomura was thinking.

That he might be pretending to devote himself to kyudo.

He would like to delay choosing his future course after high school, and if possible, he did not want to choose. Even though he had managed to discover such a comfortable place, why couldn't it stay like this?

In reality, even though he had lost to the younger Fujiwara for the individual competition, he had felt almost no feelings of frustration. Instead, he had even felt cheerful. He just loved shooting a bow and was indifferent to winning, so the feeling of guilt of whether or not he should be participating in the High School Generals and Kokutai was always in a corner of his mind.

As though he had seen through to Motomura's feelings, Sase stopped his hands.

Beneath the crescent moon, a cat with golden eyes smiled.

"Well then, shall we invite our cute kouhais?"

"We must give them a pep talk, don't we?"

The two brought their faces together and laughed.

Some time later, Shuu was invited to eat dinner at the dorm, and after eating, he, Senichi, and Manji were invited to the room on the dorm's top floor.

Sase spread his arms wide.

"Welcome, to Daigo's & Hiroki's room!"

"Ooh, so cool—. It's got a good view. Wah, there's so much workbooks. Hieeee!"

"You'll do these Akahon when you're graduating." (2)

"No, I'll have to pass on them."

The five freely sat on the floor.

Even though it was after dinner, they arranged the drinks and sweets that they had brought with them and stuffed their mouths with them all at once. Perhaps to be polite, no one sat on the sofa, which had room for three people.

After he satisfied his appetite for a while, Manji looked around the room.

"Motomura-senpai, you said something like how this room is a bit different than the others, but there's nothing really different about it? It just has a wider layout and a sofa."

"Haven't you noticed? There is not enough of what can be said to be a characteristic of a corner room here."

"Not enough?"

Senichi and Manji examined their surroundings once more. They looked under the beds and opened the closets. They were about to put their hands on the drawers, but because it was quite possible that they were going to search the entire room, Sase told them the answer.

"The characteristic of a corner room is having a lot of windows. There are many cases where there are windows not only in one direction, but also on the side. But somehow this room only has a wall there."

"Wall…so there is a dead body buried in it after all…"

Ignoring Senichi and Manji, who were making faces, Motomura and Sase moved the sofa in front of the wall. After they had done that, a small sliding door, big enough to allow one person to go through, appeared at the bottom of the wall.

"Please come in," Sase said, indicating with his palm.

While the twins were deciding who was going to enter first, Shuu got on his knees on the floor, crawled and entered inside. Behind him, Senichi, Manji, Motomura, and Sase followed.

What Shuu saw was a tatami-matted floor, a tokonoma, and mud walls. The size of the room was only about four and a half tatami mats. (3)

"This is…could this be a tea room?"

"Yes. That door was a 'nijiri-guchi.' (4) This dorm was originally used as a vacation home by a British couple, so I think they likely built it by imitation. This tea room is probably the playful spirit and imagination of that couple. Although it was turned into a storeroom, Sase and I moved everything out and tried to restore it."

Regarding Motomura as the host, the five sat.

The flickering light of the andon lamp. (5)

Moonlight poured down from the high window.

"Today, we have something important we want to talk to everyone about, so we invited you here. This summer, I want all the members here to take part in the national tournament."

"…Huh?"

Senichi's and Manji's voices overlapped. The shadows on their faces darkened, and the tatami mats creaked.

"Motomura-senpai, what are you saying? We lost at the prefectural tournament. We lost…"

Manji grit his teeth, and even Shuu was infected by that pain.

It was unnecessary to search for a cause of defeat in kyudo.

They lost because Manji and Shuu missed.

The Kirisaki High School Kyudo Club's "summer" had already ended before they could greet summer.

"The name of the door that we went through, 'nijiri-guchi,' means the shuffling door. Just as that suggests, you cannot enter inside without bending to your knees and shuffling your feet. It is probably the embodiment of Sen no Rikyu's (6) ideology to favor neither those of high social status nor low, but for us, it is the door to another world. Only when you are on your knees and hanging your head can you see through to the other side."

Shuu clenched his hand.

What do our senpais want to say?

No way——.

Senichi, thinking of Manji's and Shuu's positions, raised his voice.

"I'm really sorry, senpais, but we have already moved on. Kirisaki High School will win the kyudo selections in the fall and next year's nationals, and we will report that to you."

"Aaah, so they don't get it."

"It seems so."

Sase and Motomura said, seemingly enjoying themselves.

"It was bad of Sensei to not explain it properly as well, but none of you seemed to have read the tournament main points properly. Kyudo selections in the fall? Next year? So you've set the goal of being national champions a long time ahead. Don't you have to win the regional tournament that's right before your eyes?"

"Of course we want to win. But, even if we win the regional tournament, we can't advance to nationals. Only the schools that won the prefectural tournaments can take part in the national tournament."

"That's true usually. However, this year's Inter-High is a once-a-decade commemoration tournament. In the year of a commemoration tournament, the number of participating schools will be increased, but the condition is 'regional tournament champion school.'"

Someone made a gulping sound.

"If we win the regional tournament, we can go to nationals?"

"——Yes, it's a repechage." (7)

Previous | Next

[kittywolves]

1-200 if you want lmao If not then just your favourites

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one tbh, not romantically anyway

199: I was born in: west virginia, 2000

198: I am really: dumb

197: My cellphone company is: idk man

196: My eye color is: blue w/yellow bursts but they just appear green if you’re not super close

195: My shoe size is: 7+1/2-8

194: My ring size is: 7+1/2-8

193: My height is: 5′5″

192: I am allergic to: sesame :T

191: My 1st car was: N/A

190: My 1st job was: N/A

189: Last book you read: uh, Percy Jackson? i think

188: My bed is: warm, cozy, full of plushies & cat fur

187: My pet: CALCIFER!!! 

186: My best friend: uh,, i don’t have one?

185: My favorite shampoo is: idk fruity scents that aren’t watermelon

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: cute or terrifying, no in-between

182: In my pockets: my phone

181: On my calendar: birthdays

180: Marriage is: cute 

179: Spongebob can: CAN SPONGEBOB FINALLY END PLEASE

178: My mom: can go die 

177: The last three songs I bought were? uhh, i haven’t bought any songs,,

176: Last YouTube video watched: DrawingWiffWaffles newest video

175: How many cousins do you have? 1

174: Do you have any siblings? yes, 2 alive 1 dead

173: Are your parents divorced? no,,

172: Are you taller than your mom? around the same height

171: Do you play an instrument? no, but i wish i could play the harp tbh

170: What did you do yesterday? uh, i went shopping with my mother and then watched Futurama 

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: ? i dunno anymore

168: Luck: i guess so, yea

167: Fate: yea

166: Yourself: no

165: Aliens: YES

164: Heaven: yea

163: Hell: yea

162: God: ? yea?

161: Horoscopes: not really

160: Soul mates: YESSSSS

159: Ghosts: yep!!

158: Gay Marriage: %100

157: War: no >:(

156: Orbs: what

155: Magic: yep!!

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs pls

153: Drunk or High: never been either, both sound fun

152: Phone or Online: usually use my phone tbh

151: Red heads or Black haired: all are adorable!!

150: Blondes or Brunettes:  a d o r a b l e ! !

149: Hot or cold: uhm, comfortable warm,,

148: Summer or winter: SUMMER

147: Autumn or Spring: HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

146: Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE 

145: Night or Day: NIGHTTIME

144: Oranges or Apples: apples 

143: Curly or Straight hair: both are great!! i have slightly wavy hair uwu

142: McDonalds or Burger King: neither >:(

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK PLS

140: Mac or PC: um, idc

139: Flip flops or high heels:  F L I P F L O P S

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR PLS GIVE ME A KIND BAB TO LOVE @ UNIVERSE

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke !!

136: Hillary or Obama: obama!!

135: Buried or cremated: cremated so i can’t come back :’)

134: Singing or Dancing: i can’t do either :(

133: Coach or Chanel: ugh, coach ig

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who

131: Small town or Big city: i live in a city, but a town sounds nice tbh

130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: what

128: Manicure or Pedicure: PEDICURE PEDICURE PEDICURE

127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the west, so west

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: MY BIRTHDAY BC I GET TO PICK THE THEME !!!

125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers die and give off the aesthetic but chocolates are delicious so both

124: Disney or Six Flags: i love disneyland it’s just SO EXPENSIVE and six flags is gr8 for the thrills, plus i currently have a pass so

123: Yankees or Red Sox: who? which sport is this[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: blehhhh no

121: George Bush: idk american presidents lmao

120: Gay Marriage: YES YES YES YES YES YES

119: The presidential election: ew

118: Abortion: i’ll allow it lmao, i don’t think it’s great, but ik people will still get it whether it’s legal or not so might as well legalize it. also some cases actually need it so like,, yea!! let it happen!! pro-choice!!

117: MySpace: never used it lmao

116: Reality TV: ew ew ew ew EXCEPT FOR COOKING SHOWS

115: Parents: mine or just in general? bc eh

114: Back stabbers: M U R D E R  T H E M 113: Ebay: lmao shipping expenses 

112: Facebook: haven’t used it in years, do use messenger tho

111: Work: i like wedding coordinating with my aunt!! that’s about all the work i’ve done, oh and i’ve babysat

110: My Neighbors: don’t know em, they probably think we’re crazy tho, always yelling

109: Gas Prices: too!! high!!

108: Designer Clothes: eh, clothes are clothes, and some clothes are ugly (a lot of times it’s designer clothes blehh)

107: College: i mean i guess

106: Sports: go team! hit the ball! score the points! woo

105: My family: dysfunctional,,

104: The future: nooooooooooooooooooo

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: uhhhhh....

102: Last time you ate: uhm, around 4?? maybe?? it’s 7 now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uh?? i never see anyone OH i guess on wednesday last week,,

100: Cried in front of someone: ???? idk??? i cry while everyone’s asleep usually

99: Went to a movie theater: last week !! um, thursday?

98: Took a vacation: uhh, february, early march? i went to ohio

97: Swam in a pool: uh, last monday 

96: Changed a diaper: um, not this year lmao, maybe last year tho idk

95: Got my nails done: ???? i dunno

94: Went to a wedding: last november?? or wait no,, uhm i dunno sometime recently lmao

93: Broke a bone: never! did drop one in water tho :/

92: Got a piercing: december!

91: Broke the law: ?? i don’t wear seatbelts when i sit in the back seat lmao

90: Texted: around two hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: um,, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: MY KITTY BABY

87: The last movie I saw: missing link! the stop motion- i’m a wh*re for animation lmao

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: changing my name, moving out, getting married & having a stable life :’)

85: The thing im not looking forward to: being stuck here forever and eventually kmsing due to stress and depression :’)

84: People call me: Kitty!! Kiki!! (birth name) karebear!! 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist within the same room as my mother without bursting into tears or storming off 

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo! Viriborn for all you homestucks! and dragon in the animal one!

80: The first person i talked to today was: my dad :’) and then i messaged @deanilise even tho she was asleep 

79: First time you had a crush: uh, as far back as i can remember i had a “crush” on Daphne Blake :D but i was like a small child and didn’t know what love was so anytime i saw anyone who i thought was cool or pretty or i wanted to befriend i had a supposed “crush” on them :/

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: i try to be pretty open, but sometimes i just wanna close off 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yikes idk

76: Right now I am talking to: like talking to or talking to? for the first, just some group chats for the second, no one

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i wanna be an artist! i would love to be a youtube artist, but i fear i’m not creative enough for such things.. i would also like to be able to tell my stories!

74: I have/will get a job: i dunno,,

73: Tomorrow: church

72: Today: overslept, did some chores, been online

71: Next Summer: hopefully i can go back to colorado to visit my brother !

70: Next Weekend: ugh, church activities & then actual church, as well as other easter festivities

69: I have these pets: baby kitty, and some dogs.... 

68: The worst sound in the world: FORK SCRAPING ON BOWL, ERASER SCRAPING ON PAPER, DOG’S SNORING, MY MOTHER’S VOICE WHEN I’M HAVING SENSORY OVERLOAD

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother, she’s like the only person that makes me cry unless someone says they’re attempting and i can’t get through to them

66: People that make you happy: @onedirtysock @aliaitee @deku-is-tired @deanilise @awkward-scarfy-boi @fourth-best-jeanist @bnhaworld @bnhya @helloiliketits @trashyfxndoms

65: Last time I cried: last night oops

64: My friends are: (see 66) they’re all very nice & supportive which is amazing & i love them all dearly

63: My computer is: a MacBook air with a galaxy cover

62: My School: not in one but the one i’m gonna go to in the fall is just a community college

61: My Car: N/A

60: I lose all respect for people who: hate on anyone, racists, homophobes, transphobes, pedos, terfs, ableists, etc

59: The movie I cried at was: uh, i dunno, but i was crying abt futurama the other night

58: Your hair color is: orange-y with dark brown roots, supposed to be dyeing it soon :)

57: TV shows you watch: BNHA, HIMYM, Bob’s Burgers, TUA w/ @deanilise Futurama, The Simpsons, Fairytail, Runaway’s, Adventure Time, SVTFOE, etc

56: Favorite web site: Tumblr!

55: Your dream vacation: Ireland,, ofc i always dreamed of going to paris when i was younger, and Britain sounds cool too, & i’ve heard belgium is pretty && japan sounds fun && new york city sounds super cool as well so idk any of those places ig

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: uh, probably when i broke my arm, although i can’t remember it, i did used to get growing pains in my legs when i was younger & could hardly sleep so there’s that option as well

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium-well

52: My room is: messy, but it’s home & also warm

51: My favorite celebrity is: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dunno

50: Where would you like to be: idk, in my bed ig

49: Do you want children: yea! i wanna adopt!

48: Ever been in love: uh, i thought i was, but it was just an intense crush on this girl lmao

47: Who’s your best friend: already answered this lmao

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls,,

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: laughing, music, & seeing my friends

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: any of y’all would be great tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: survive 

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmao no, 

41: Have you pre-named your children: uh, i have names picked out that i like, but idk depends how young my kid is when i adopt them, and even then idk if i could bring myself to change their name uwu

40: Last person I got mad at: my mother,,

39: I would like to move to: IRELAND OR SOMETHING I DUNNO I WANT OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY

38: I wish I was a professional: artist!! youtube maybe!![ My Favorites ]37: Candy: hmm, i like smarties, m&ms, gummy bears, & sweetarts

36: Vehicle: uhh, vw beetles? WAIT NO JEEP WRANGLERS I THINK

35: President: uh idk

34: State visited: the one i live in lmao, California :)

33: Cellphone provider: idk a lot about them

32: Athlete: N/A

31: Actor: eeeeeeee

30: Actress: eeeeeeee

29: Singer: Case! Patrick Stump!

28: Band: FALL OUT BOYYYYYYYYYYY

27: Clothing store: Hottopic

26: Grocery store: N/A

25: TV show: Arrow! Adventure Time! (ripip) i haven’t seen Arrow in a long time tho so idk if it’s still any good...

24: Movie: Heathers!!

23: Website: Tumblr,,

22: Animal: CATS

21: Theme park: DisneyLand! it’s just sooooooooo expensive ;-;

20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN

19: Sport to watch: Soccer!!

18: Sport to play: none

17: Magazine: i don’t read them

16: Book: The Hunger Games 

15: Day of the week: probably friday or saturday

14: Beach: uh, maybe seal? or hermosa?

13: Concert attended: i’ve been to exactly one (1) and i didn’t enjoy it bc it was for Ariana Grande

12: Thing to cook: well you don’t cook them but, COOKIES!!

11: Food: Ice Cream!! Burgers!! Mashed Potatoes !!

10: Restaurant: In-N-Out probably

9: Radio station: 98.7 alt radio 

8: Yankee candle scent: uh i dunno

7: Perfume: Vanilla Bean Noelle from bbw

6: Flower: daffodils 

5: Color: pink! purple! green!

4: Talk show host: no

3: Comedian: Bo Burnham or John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Retrievers !

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yes!

here’s my baby for reference & for putting up with all that

[iliketowrite1996]

Tying Shoelaces and New Faces 15

TRIGGER WARNINGS AND THEMES- Breaking up, taking a break, ignoring a significant other, insecurities, paranoia, disapproval of parent. 

once again, @chaneajoyyy was a huge help!

A break.

   That’s what you and T’Challa had decided on.

   A break.

   Well. that’s what you decided. That it’s best for you, him, and your relationship if you take a break. He’d reluctantly agreed, knowing that once you makeup your mind, there's little to no use in trying to persuade you away from your decision.    

So he finds himself distracting himself. It’s June and he’s enjoying walking around Wakanda with his family and friends.

   ‘’See that spot over there, Autumn,’’ Nakia tells their daughter, ‘’That used to be my favorite restaurant all of Wakanda. My parents took me there all of the time.’’

   ‘’Wow!,’’ Autumn looks up to her mother, ‘’Can we go there?’’

   ‘’Sure, as soon as my parents meet up with us.’’

   They’ve only been in Wakanda for two days, and Autumn is already fascinated by everything. Her eyes are wide as they walk through the streets. She sees people making clothing, weaving vibranium into it. She hear the sound of people laughing and bargaining to lower prices. She smells the spices and the foods that waft through the street. She tastes a hunger to learn more, even at four-years-old. She’s an explorer, just like her mother. T’Challa doubts she’ll stay in one place when she gets older. Just like her mother.

   But she’s four and she still has a lot of growing up to do, so T’Challa doesn’t even begin to entertain the thought of his baby girl leaving the nest any time soon.

   No, not yet.

   She’s fascinated with the kimoyo beads that Nakia is wearing, and she waves at her grandparents, both sets, as they alert them that they are on the way to meet them for lunch.

   T’Chaka rented out the private room of a restaurant as soon as the vacation plans were finalized.

   Right now, T’Challa doesn’t want t be bothered. The only people he can actually stomach being around are Autumn, and… well, that’s about it.

   N‘Jadaka and Sanaa have barely left their hotel room since they got here. And they're not even doing anything- just watching movies and ordering room service, enjoying their first vacation together.

   Ugh.

   His mother and baba are looking at all of the sights, reliving all of the good memories that they have made in their beautiful homeland.

   Shuri is always on her phone, instant messaging Peter about new ideas. When she’s not, truth, she’s hanging out with Autumn.

   Even his uncle N’Jobu has brought his newest girlfriend, a woman he grew up with here in Wakanda.

   It all makes T’Challa think one thing- he messed up with you, and he messed up big time.

   He just wishes that he could pinpoint the source of your insecurity, your discomfort with this relationship.

   ‘’Hey, cuz,’’ N’Jadaka speaks as he and Sanaa enter the  restaurant, hand in hand.

   ‘’Erik!.’’ Autumn cries as if she hadn't seen him only yesterday, pushing away from the table ,running and leaping into Erik’s arms.

   ‘’Hey, Little Bit! Have you grown since yesterday?!’’

   ‘’Mommy and baba say I’m getting bigger all of the time!,’’ Autumn nods enthusiastically, ‘’I can tie my shoes all by myself because baba’s girlfriend taught me!’’

   He does his best not to show how much hearing about you breaks his heart at the moment. He’s excellent at putting on facades, and so he does so now. He ignores the way Nakia glances at him and keeps it moving.

   ‘’She sure can tie her shoes! No more velcro straps for baba’s little girl!’’

   The rest of the family piles i, and , like most family dinners, it’s loud, hilarious, and more than a bit uncomfortable.    

   ‘’Shuri, your uncle N'Jobu has told me so much about you,’’ N’Jobu Udaku’s girlfriend stares, ‘’He says that you are looking to graduate early?’’

   ‘’I am,’’ Shuri sets her water glass down, ‘’I am due to graduate in December, and I have chosen to go to NYU in the spring, should I be accepted.’’

   At that, T’Chaka chokes on his own water, ‘’I thought your dream was to come here and go to the University of Wakanda?’’

   Shuri shrugs, nonchalantly, ‘’Things happen to change, baba.’’

   ‘’This wouldn't have to do with your nerdy boyfriend, would it,’’ N’Jadaka teases, but there’s a hint of seriousness to it.

   ‘’Peter has nothing to do with my decision. N’Jadaka,’’ she rolls her eyes playfully, ‘’I do know that he’s planning on going there but this decision was made without him in mind. I just feel like my calling may be there.’’

   ‘’Instead of here,’’ T’Chaka finishes for her, obviously upset.

   ‘’Rest assured, baba, I applied here as well. Where my path will actually end up taking me, I do not know. I just hope that you’d all be supportive,’’ the second youngest member of the Udaku family says pointedly.

   The tension is quite thick and could be cut with a knife. Thankfully, Nakia’s mother breaks the silence.    

   ‘’And who is this lovely girl, N’Jadaka,’’ the older woman eyes Sanaa.

   ‘’This is my girlfriend, Sanaa,’’ N’Jadaka states proudly, ‘’We’ve been dating for almost a year. It'll be a year in November.’’

   ‘’Then it’s not almost a year,’’ Sanaa jokes, ‘’It’s only June!’’

   ‘’Why you do me like that?’’

   ‘’As you can seem,’’ N’Jobu states, ‘’They are a match made perfectly. I’ve never seen anyone that can match N’Jadaka’s intelligence, humor, and pettiness.’’

   ‘’Hey!,’’ the two lovebird chorus.

   ‘’Baba, what’s pettiness,’’ Autumn questions, the almost-five-year-old looking up at her baba in confusion.

   ‘’Intomba, pettiness is what you and your cousin Erik and Miss Sanaa are both very good at.’’

   Autumn is without a doubt the most loving child. She’s the sweetest person that T’Challa has ever met in his life. However, his little girl is a tad bit petty, and he doesn’t know if N’Jadaka or Shuri are to blame.

   ‘’Ohh, okay,’’ the kindergartner needs, satisfied with hat answer.

   ‘’So, Sanaa, what do you do for a living,’’ Nakia’s dad questions.

   ‘’Oh, she’s  a middle school teacher,’’ T’Chaka states, turning to Nakia, ‘’Isn’t that something that you were interested in as well?’’

   ‘’Yes.When I was 14,’’ Nakia says politely yet pointed, ‘I’m sorry, Sanaa, what do you teach?’’

   ‘’I teach sixth, seventh, and eighth grade science. In the accelerated program. I’m also the coach of the dance team,’’ she admits, ‘’And I’m trying to get a workshop started to help girls improve their self-esteem, and eventually for boys, too.’’

   ‘’Looks like you  have a lot going for yourself,’’ Ramonda responds with a soft smile,unaware as to how talented and well-rounded her nephew’s girlfriend interests are.

   ‘’That’s a matter of opinion.’’

   ‘’To be fair, Mr. Udaku,’’ Sanaa turns to T’Chaka, ‘’I do what I do because I care about helping the children. Not impressing anyone else.’’

   The awkwardness comes back, and as usual, two people at the table are completely oblivious- T’Challa and Autumn.

   And, really, only the four-year-old has the excuse.

   So again, T’Challa is one step further from seeing the true cause of tension in your relationship.

   He’s two steps further from doing anything about it.

   And he’s three steps further from ever winning you back…

   Until he makes the step in the right direction.

   That’s what you’re screwing over now as you spread out your ingredients, separating the dry items from the  wet items. You’ve already baked a peach cobbler, a banana pudding, and an apple pie.

   You’re getting started on your fourth dessert when your phone rings. You sigh, wiping your hands on your apron and answering the call.

   ‘’Hello?’’

   ‘’Hey, girl. How have you been.’’

   That velvety, familiar, smooth voice makes you freeze instantly, but a smile spreads across your face like butter on a roll-easily and meant to be there.

   ‘’Hey, Lucas! How have you been?’’

   ‘’Oh, you know, here and there. Where the road takes me. But I’m in town tonight. Gonna be here for about a week. Was wondering’ if I could maybe see you tonight?’’

   Here’s how it usually goes- you and Lucas have been friends since freshman year of college. He sat next to you in the dining hall, started talking about how boring your shared class of freshman level English was, and you’ve been friends ever since. He is the definition of handsome in your book- his round, brown eyes are soulful. His ‘’coffee with cream’’ (his words, not your own)  skin stretches across a defined jaw and his curls always look bright and moisturized.

   You’ve always found him attractive, and he’s always thought you were beautiful. He has told you so on many occasions, none of which wherever appropriate. Such as when you and a group of friends went to your college’s homecoming dance and he told you, ‘’You’re always stunning’’. In front of your date. And his.

   Not to mention the time that he blurted it out in math class when you two were supposed to eb solving problems given by your professor together.

   Then again, subtlety has never been his strong suit. If he likes something, the world will soon know. If he dislikes something, he turns into the town crier and shoots it out for all to hear. He’s always been like that concerning politics, social events, movies, music, food, people…

   And especially you.

   Maybe that’s why the two of you have a… history together.

   He asked you out the summer between your freshman and sophomore year of college. It was a spur of the moment thing, as far as you were concerned. Little did you know that he’d been planning it for a while.

   See, he was gonna be all romantic. He was gonna get you flowers and dress up real nice and ask you at the charity banquet that you were attending with him that night.

   Instead, he asked you that morning, when you were sitting on his couch, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt and playing video games with him.

   He is not ashamed to admit that, as typical as it may sound, he had never seen you look so beautiful.

   The two of you dated for five years after that, and breaking up was the hardest thing. But he wanted to travel and work for his mother's charity, and that wasn’t your life. SO you broke up, but you remain friends. It’s why you can understand how T’Challa is friends with Nakia.

   Then again, you never married Lucas and had a kid with him, and his parents never made you feel awful while he sat there and did nothing.

   But that’s a duty for a different day.

   You agree, requesting for an hour to change and dress up. You quickly store the baked goods, clean your area, and rush off to the bathroom.

   After a quick wash up, you step into the same dress that you wore to the gala with T’Challa. Your makeup is done in that smoky eye look you know Lucas loves and your lipstick is fire engine red.

   He’s knocking on the door by the time that you’re slipping into your heels, and you answer it with a smile.

   ‘’How do you manage to look more and more sunning every time I see you?!’’

   You laugh at that, hugging him and kissing his cheek as he does the same to you, ‘’I should be asking you the same thing! Who you modeling for? Come on, show me that runway walk.’’

   Lucas does his best to put on a mini fashion show for you, strutting up and down the living room a few times before you both dissolve into laughter.

   ‘’Oh, I’ve missed you,’’ you hug him again, ‘’I’ve got so much to catch you up on!’’

   ‘’You sure do,’’ he raises an eyebrow, ‘’You’re dating THE T’Challa Udaku? Moving on up from me, huh?’’

   The bitter taste that began the night you decided that you and T'Challa needed a break returns, and you nearly feel sick to your stomach.

   Lucas catches on fairly quickly, and attempts to amend the situation before it can burst apart any further, ‘’Or we don’t have to talk about it. We can talk about anything else. You can get your mind off of him for one night.’’

   ‘’That would be lovely,’’ you sigh, grabbing your purse, keys, and the phone.

   You take the arm that he offers, looping your arm through his.    

   You’re ready for a night on the town, and to have fun at this charity event as Lucas’ impromptu date. You’re ready to kick your heels off and dance with him, inevitably when anything that you two danced to in college comes on.

   But most importantly, you’re ready to forget about T’Challa.

   At least for one night.

   Because forgetting about him at all is a task in and of itself.

   ‘’Nakia, where are we going again?’’

   T’Challa has had his phone turned off all day. Just to resist the urge to text you. He saw you post a few f the cakes and pies and treats that you made last night on social media, and he know that this means one thing: you’re stressed.

   He’s most likely the cause of that stress…

   But he simply wishes to know why that is.    

   ‘’I told you. You need to be distracted from your phone and I’ve got someone that I want you to meet.’’

   ‘’I want to spend time with my daughter.’’

   ‘’She’s literally asleep, T’Challa. So is your girlfriend,’’ she shrugs, ‘’Now come on.’’

   He begrudgingly follows his ex-wife into the restaurant, wishing that he was at home, asleep, just like his daughter. In his own bed and away from other people that he really, eally doesn’t want to be interacting with because they are not you. 

   Until he sees who it is he’s meeting.

   Nakia and T’Challa made one trip to Wakanda right before she discovered that she was pregnant with Autumn. She introduced him to her friends Ayo, W’Kabi, and M’Baku, and he introduced her to Okoye. The small group of friends now has a group chat, meets up whenever one or more of them are in the same area, and just generally keeps in touch.

    But seeing them all here together after five years?

   That’s something special.

   So hugs are given and polite greetings are exchanged. Hands clap backs and cheeks are kissed and everyone is son sitting down at the table, the six friends catching up.

   ‘’How’s my favorite little girl?,’’ Okoye questions, leaning into W’Kabi.

   ‘’She’s doing well. She’s excited to start kindergarten.,’’ Nakia begins.

   ‘’She also apparently has a boyfriend. Tony Stark’s kid.’’

   ‘’Aww, they grow up so face,’’ Ayo chuckles for, her spot next to ,M’Baku.

   ‘’I’m sorry, I just can’t help but notice this new couple alert,’’ T’Challa raises an eyebrow as he gestures at W’Kabi and Okoye, ‘’When?’’

   ‘’Two months ago,’’ W’Kabi answers.

   ‘’Officially two months ago. We began seeing each other, and, well, others, four months prior to that.’’

   ‘’Okay, I see you,’’ Nakia chuckles, already picking up on Sanaa and yours habits.

   ‘’Anyway,’’ M’baku begins, ‘’So, where are N’Jadka and his girlfriend?’’

   ‘’Aww, I knew ya’ll would be bored without us.’’

   As if on cue, N’Jadaka and Sanaa stroll in, hand in hand.    

   And T’Challa is happy for his cousin and Sanaa, he really is. He just can't help but think that could have been the two of you had he brought you to Wakanda.

   You assume that he’s ashamed of you. He’s not. He is so in love with you, and he wants the world to know.

   The reason he didn’t invite only on this trip?

   Nakia.

   No, there’s nothing happening between him and Nakia. For reasons he’s still not completely aware of, that relationship sunk along time ago. It’s for the best, though, because you make him happy.

   But Nakia was his first real love and the mother of his child. So when she suggested this trip to Wakanda, he agreed. They both agreed to raise Autumn together, as much as they can do that with how often Nakia is away. So any time the three of them can manage to spend some time together, they go for it. He didn't invite you not so you wouldn’t get in the way of him and Nakia…

   Instead, it was because he wanted to be as present as possible. Nakia will be taking care of Autumn for all of July. He will miss his baby girl’s fifth birthday, her experience events that only take place in Wakanda, and so much more. Nakia also does not get enough time with Autumn. She knows Autumn adores you, and you adore her. So maybe, just maybe, he feared Autumn would give you more attention than Nakia and he wanted to prevent all parties from being hurt.

   Now that he’s thinking about it, if he had communicated this to you, you probably would have seen his side of things and agreed.

   He thinks about that all night, stewing over it even as his friends and cousin enjoy their dinner. He’s participating, though. He laughs and jokes with them.

   He just can't stop thinking about you, though.

   It’s when dessert is near that Nakia gets a call and excuses herself outside.

   When she returns, she’s holding the hand of a man who is about the same height as T’Challa, with dark skin and kinky curls.

   ‘’Hello, everyone. This is Kevin. My boyfriend.’’

   Oh. Her boyfriend.

   So that’s who she’s been giggling about when she’s messaging.

   T'Challa is the first to stand, bringing the other man in for a hug, ‘’It’s nice to meet you. I’m T’Challa.’’

   T’Challa is very much someone who likes his boundaries, but he can’t help himself. This is the man that makes Nakia happy, because she wouldn’t be with him if he didn’t. So if he makes Nakia happy, well, then, he’s good enough for T’Challa.

   So more greetings and pleasantries are changed. Then T’Challa, N’Jadaka, Sanaa, Nakia, Kevin, Ayo, M’Baku, W'Kabi and Okoye have dessert and talk and laugh some more.

   T’Challa goes back to his room in high spirits that night, grateful for the distraction. He decides it’s time to message you. To tell you that he wants to speak to you when he gets home.

   Instead, he goes to social media.

   There, he sees a candid photo of you and some man he doesn't know, but you two obviously know each other.

   He can see it in the way the man’ hand is reign on the small of your back. He is looking at you with an expression akin to adoration as you throw your head back, laughing.

   Okay. So that’s how it is.

   He tries not to be hurt. After all, you two are on a break, right? You can have guy friends.

   Or… did a break turn into a break up real quick and he didn’t notice?

   He asks the same question to N’Jadaka at breakfast the next day, pulling his cousin aside to consult him.

   ‘’Bruh. BRUH. What, are we in high school again? You’re worried over nothing. This is a picture, T’Challa.’’

   ‘’A picture speaks, a thousand words, N’Jadaka.’’

   ‘’And what are the saying to you, then, cousin,’’ N’Jadaka crosses his arms in front of himself.    

   ‘’They’re lying to me, I’d better do something to see how to resolve my relationship. And fast.’’

   DISCLAIMER- I OWN NO MARVEL CHARACTERS, OR THEIR FICTIONAL WORLD,S UNIVERSES, CITIES OR COUNTRIES. I own Autumn, Sanaa, Kevin and Lucas as my original characters. 

@ashanti-notthesinger​ @destinio1​ @afraiddreamingandloving​ @starsshines-blog​ @airis-paris14​ @syreanne​ @chaneajoyyy​ @90sinspiredgirl​ @shemiahsmelanin @zillmonger @skysynclair19 @bidibidibombaclaat @marvelpotterlove @constantlycravingtheunknown @imaginewhoever @wakanda-inspired @pocmarvelworks @theunsweetenedtruth @dreampovx @adrioola21

SNEAK PEEK OF NEXT CHAPTER- TRIGGER WARNINGS AND THEMES: Mentions of pregnancy, parental disapproval of significant other, insecurity, revenge, and pettiness. 

You know what you’re doing is petty and wrong, but you don’t too much mind right now. T’Challa has definitely been watching your story on social media. Which definitely means that he’s seeing your pictures.

    Okay, let’s get one thing straight. It’s not your attention to hurt T’Challa. Or maybe it is , because he’s hurting you… you don’t know. You just know that Lucas has come along for a visit and he's making you feel extra special. It’s why you’re posting different pics with him. It started off innocent enough but this last post…

    It was out of pure malice.

    It features Lucas whispering something in your ear, and you’re eyes are cast down, smiling shyly.

    ‘’You know you’re wrong for this right,’’ Lucas tells you, lounging across your couch and scrolling through his own social media feed.

    ‘’I know, I know. I’ll delete it,’’ you sigh, raising your thumb to do just that.

    ‘’Delete it because you want to. Not because I told you it was petty and childish.’’

    ‘’You ain’t say all that!’’

    ‘’My facial expression did!,’’ he points at his unamused face, to which you roll your eyes.

    ‘’Babe,’’ he sits up, using the nickname he uses on you, Sanaa… all of his close female friends, ‘’Does he even know why you’re mad?’’

    ‘’He should! He acts like he doesn’t know what his dad is doing.’’

    ‘’Okay, here me out,’’ Lucas raises his hands in front of himself,’’Maybe… he really doesn’t see it.’’

    ‘’How could he not see the fact that his dad doesn’t like me?!’’

    ‘’From what you tell me, T’Challa idolizes his dad. He wants to be as good as a dd and as good as a husband and as good as a businessman as eh sees his dad being.’’   

    ‘’And?’’

    ‘’And… he idolizes him, yeah? So he probably doesn't see his flaws as clearly as someone who is able to see T’Chaka Udaku for what he is-a flawed human. Just like the rest of that.’’

    Your bite your bottom lip and focus your eyes on the photo of you and Sanaa in college that hangs on the wall, wondering why you didn’t think of this before.

    ‘’Besides. I don’t think you're mad at him,’’  Lucas leans back, ‘’I think you're mad at yourself and you don’t know if you can trust him.’’

    ‘’Oh, you’re the expert now,’’ you try to keep the venom form your voice, ‘’Do tell me why.’’

    ‘’You were hesitant because you know T’Challa and Nakia still love each other, even if they aren't in love with each other, and they are taking their daughter on vacation. Strike one.’’

    ‘’Go on,’’you lean against the armrest of the couch.

    ‘’You also see how he's with his dad, and it makes you question your place in his life. Strike two.’’

    ‘’Okay’’ you not, knowing that he’s right, even if you don’t wanna admit it.

    ‘’And strike three… I found that pregnancy test in the bathroom. The positive one.’’

[melananin]

Get to know me pt. idk

200: My crush’s name is: brantdypoo 199: I was born in: us 198: I am really: quiet 197: My cellphone company is: tmoblie 196: My eye color is: brown 195: My shoe size is: 7ish 194: My ring size is: idk  193: My height is: 5′2 192: I am allergic to: eggs 191: My 1st car was: subaru  190: My 1st job was: working with kids  189: Last book you read:  a million little pieces 188: My bed is: medium 187: My pet: dog 186: My best friend: 3 people  185: My favorite shampoo is: the one from costco 184: Xbox or ps3: ps4 183: Piggy banks are: ok 182: In my pockets: nothing 181: On my calendar: days i work  and finals 180: Marriage is: whatever 179: Spongebob can: laugh 178: My mom: is cool 177: The last three songs I bought were?  movements 176: Last YouTube video watched: patd live at reading and leeds festival 175: How many cousins do you have? too many 174: Do you have any siblings? 1 173: Are your parents divorced? hA 172: Are you taller than your mom? no 171: Do you play an instrument? i can 170: What did you do yesterday? @ my bbb [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: idk 168: Luck: eh 167: Fate: ye 166: Yourself: no 165: Aliens: probably 164: Heaven: idk 163: Hell: idk 162: God: idk 161: Horoscopes: no 160: Soul mates: maybe 159: Ghosts: no 158: Gay Marriage: sure 157: War: no 156: Orbs: huh 155: Magic: no [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs 153: Drunk or High: drunk 152: Phone or Online: online 151: Red heads or Black haired: black 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brown 149: Hot or cold: hot 148: Summer or winter: sumemr 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla 145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: orange 143: Curly or Straight hair: curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcd 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk 140: Mac or PC: mac 139: Flip flops or high heels: flioops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet 137: Coke or Pepsi: coke 136: Hillary or Obama: obama 135: Burried or cremated: cremated 134: Singing or Dancing: dancing 133: Coach or Chanel: coach 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who 131: Small town or Big city: big city 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: ben 128: Manicure or Pedicure: hands 127: East Coast or West Coast: east 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: six flags 123: Yankees or Red Sox: who cares   [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: it dumb 121: George Bush: which 120: Gay Marriage: it okay 119: The presidential election: ugh 118: Abortion: it okay 117: MySpace: idk 116: Reality TV: it whack 115: Parents: mine suck rn 114: Back stabbers: you dumb 113: Ebay: it okay 112: Facebook: it okay 111: Work: i complain a lot but its actualy good 110: My Neighbors: they okay  109: Gas Prices: they high now 108: Designer Clothes: eh 107: College: its alright 106: Sports: they alright 105: My family: broken rn 104: The future: im scared [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: yesterday 102: Last time you ate: 30 min ago 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: today 100: Cried in front of someone: a week ago 99: Went to a movie theater: almost two weeks ago 98: Took a vacation: two weeks ago 97: Swam in a pool: the winter 96: Changed a diaper: never 95: Got my nails done: looong time ago 94: Went to a wedding: friday before last 93: Broke a bone: never? 92: Got a peircing: when i was 2 months old 91: Broke the law: a few days ago 90: Texted: rn [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: my friends  88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my dog and bed 87: The last movie I saw: it may have been la llorona 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: school ending and going to nyc and doing stuff 85: The thing im not looking forward to: my dad moving out 84: People call me: nani 83: The most difficult thing to do is: ask 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: no 81: My zodiac sign is: virgo 80: The first person i talked to today was: my grandpa 79: First time you had a crush: prob kindergarten or something 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: certain person 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: today 76: Right now I am talking to: bbb 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i dont know 74: I have/will get a job:? 73: Tomorrow: i have a final 72: Today: i had a final 71: Next Summer: im going to ny 70: Next Weekend: idk what im doing 69: I have these pets: dog and fish 68: The worst sound in the world: screaming 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: idk 66: People that make you happy: my friends and fmaily kinda 65: Last time I cried: a bit ago idk 64: My friends are: cool 63: My computer is: nice 62: My School: alright 61: My Car: cute 60: I lose all respect for people who: believe dumb things 59: The movie I cried at was: i dont remmeber 58: Your hair color is: brown 57: TV shows you watch: non rn 56: Favorite web site: pornhub  55: Your dream vacation: all of europe  54: The worst pain I was ever in was: golf ball sized blister on my foot while having a shoe on it 53: How do you like your steak cooked: yes

52: My room is: messy

51: My favorite celebrity is: kaya 50: Where would you like to be: in a good place 49: Do you want children: porbably 48: Ever been in love: i think so 47: Who’s your best friend:  46: More guy friends or girl friends: 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: bbb 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no 41: Have you pre-named your children: kinda 40: Last person I got mad at: dad 39: I would like to move to: washington 38: I wish I was a professional: [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: reeses 36: Vehicle: subaru 35: President: obama 34: State visited: washingotn 33: Cellphone provider: idk 32: Athlete: uj 31: Actor: evan peters 30: Actress: kaya 29: Singer: sky 28: Band: movements 27: Clothing store: hm 26: Grocery store: king soopers 25: TV show: twd 24: Movie: not sure 23: Website:  22: Animal: fox 21: Theme park: universal florida 20: Holiday: 19: Sport to watch: 18: Sport to play: 17: Magazine: 16: Book: 15: Day of the week: 14: Beach: 13: Concert attended: 12: Thing to cook: 11: Food: 10: Restaurant: 9: Radio station: 8: Yankee candle scent: 7: Perfume: 6: Flower: 5: Color: 4: Talk show host: 3: Comedian: 2: Dog breed: 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? 

[krixwell-liveblogs]

Check out this post. Wildbow talks about his life on reddit. This explains so much about Taylor’s school experience. No Worm spoilers

This sounds interesting. I’ve frequently wondered about how Wildbow’s life shaped this story.

Let’s take a look.

Redditors who have opted out of a standard approach to life (study then full time work, mortgage etc), please share your stories. What are the best and worst things about your lifestyle, and do you have any regrets?

Well, the title is already intriguing.

Hermit writer here.

Born hard of hearing, went to a regular school. Struggled in middle school. Struggled in high school. Kids who were in my class in kindergarten were in my classes all the way through to grade ten, with the elementary/middle school and high school being a stone's throw from one another.

I kind of knew about the hard of hearing bit already. I can’t find the ask that told me about it, though (it was probably before I stopped using screenshots for asks).

So far this sounds relatively normal, except for that part. But I’m guessing he’s going to elaborate a bit on the struggles surrounding his school life and hearing problems?

In grade 10, after years of bullying and a peer group that had established who was 'in' and who was 'out' when I was knee-high, tired of struggling, I was walking down the halls and I found myself wondering when the last time I'd even opened my mouth in school was.

Oh wow.

I stopped dead in my tracks, just paralyzed by loneliness. I asked myself what the point was, couldn't come up with an answer, resumed walking, went out the side door of the school and went home.

This clearly parallels a few of the last times we saw Taylor at Winslow High.

The start of me just not going to school for that entire year. Nobody noticed.

Damn. He really did write all that from experience. It took a while for Taylor’s absence to get noted, too.

Taylor’s absence getting noted at all actually seems like a fantasy compared to this.

I got caught at the end of the year, did the same thing the next year, got caught only at the end.

What the hell sort of attendance routines did this school have? Clearly not good ones.

Ended up going to an Alternative school (Self study), proved to myself that I had it in me when I got 3 years of studying done in 8 months, won two awards... and then had to go back to my old school for what was essentially grade 13, where I struggled.

Huh. Well done.

People learn in very different ways. Some people can do this much more effectively than learning in a group. Some people are like me and can’t make themselves keep up the effort required to self study, or learn better from lectures than reading.

Some people learn by observing their surroundings while flying.

I worked retail and found it fine. But family wanted me to go to University and figure myself out.

I’m currently working retail, taking a break from the educational system and buying time to figure out what to study.

I went to University and I struggled.

Guys, I’m sensing a theme here.

I spent a long, long time trying to figure out why I struggled, why I was tired all the time, and it took a kind of confluence of events before I realized what should've been obvious. I found the social stuff hard and I was exhausted after a day of listening because I'm severely to profoundly deaf.

Oh yeah, that makes a ton of sense. It’s like how focusing is exhausting when you have trouble doing that, how reading without glasses you need tires out your eyes and brain, etc.

Honestly, it’s a little surprising that I haven’t (explicitly) met a hard of hearing character in Worm yet. Maybe later? Oh wait, there was that deaf waitress at the villain pub in Hive.

Beyond that, the 'path' just isn't for me. The systems and institutions just grind me down. The idea of a 9 to 5 is death to me. These things are built and streamlined for the average person, and between disability and a fairly extreme degree of introversion, I'm far from that average.

That is very fair. There’s definitely a brand of ableism in that system.

In the end, I stepped off the path. I'd been writing a thing online as a side project and the reception was good, so I decided to leave school earlier than planned, use the savings I had, stretch things as far as I could, and work when I could (with a family friend when he needed the help and had the cash to spare, doing some landscaping, drywall installation, house painting, all prepping houses for sale in a boom market) to stretch things further.

This would be too early for that thing online to be Worm, right?

It just occurred to me that I have no idea how old Wildbow is.

And I wrote as seriously as I could while people close to me told me that I didn't deserve to 'get lucky' and have the writing work out because I hadn't seen University all the way through, or openly expressed doubts and disappointments.

Yikes.

Fuck that noise. Writing is tons of effort!

But you know, it worked out in the end. I wrote the equivalent of 20 books in 2.4 years, wrote another 10 for my next series in the ensuing 1.2 years, and I've kept up a similar pace over the last 7 years and two months.

Especially when you’re this coddamn productive!

That’s 8.33 books a year!

I started writing mid- 2011, left school at the start of 2012, went full-time-paying-the-bills in 2014 with an income around minimum wage. I moved to a small town (no car, nothing fancy) that same year. I'm now closer to the average Canadian wage. It's been two chapters a week (2.5 if crowdfunding money is enough) since the beginning.

Oh, I suppose that means it would be Worm after all.

When was this written... huh, yesterday? Well, that explains why this hasn’t been sent to me before.

Writing being Wildbow’s only/main income makes me feel even more right about my decision to set things up so that some of the money from my Patreon goes to Wildbow. It’s not that big a portion of his income (apparently average Canadian wage is 986 CAD or 755 USD per week, and I chip in with about 3.26 CAD or 2.50 USD per week), but it’s something.

My reality: I can go a week or two without really talking to anyone that isn't a cashier.

Sounds a bit lonely in the long run, but as a fellow introvert (or maybe I’m an ambivert, in the systems where that’s actually a thing), I get it - it also does sound pretty good. Especially if you’ve got internet people to casually interact with at your own leisure.

Every two months or so I go to a relative's to dogsit while they're on vacation or to see someone for their birthday, and that gives me most of my fill of socialization and companionship.

Nice!

I don't have a car, so it's usually walking or taking the train to another city, and using public transpo there. I subsisted on a rice and beans diet for a good stretch, one $15 video game bought in a year, and my level of expenses hasn't really risen that much from that point. I eat better and buy a couple more things, but nothing major.

So I guess this would be somewhere between average and reserved?

I don’t know. Being Norwegian spoils me on these things.

60%+ of what I earn goes to savings, which gives me security when my income could fluctuate or disappear at any time.

Oh, that’s smart. I suppose writing would be a bit of a risky business, what with writer’s block, audience fluctuations, sudden drops in popularity because something you wrote didn’t go over as well as you thought it would, etc.

My schedule is entirely my own, which usually amounts to 2.5 15+ hour workdays a week and another 5-10 hours a week spent managing community, finances, and exchanging emails with tv/movie studios, publishers or startups.

I was going to talk about the long but few workdays, but tv/movie studios excuse me what

Is a TV series version of something Wildbow wrote (Worm or otherwise) a serious possibility right now?? :o

Best things - I love what I do. I love creating, I love my reader's tears, I love my readers being horrified.

This is really important. You gotta enjoy what you do.

I get to make monsters and be surprised by what my characters do. Many of my fans are just the absolute coolest people - people I'm now insanely glad to have met and include in my life. There's amazing fanart of my work out there, music, people have gotten tattoos. Tattoos. That's insane.

People have permanently, painfully painted their appreciation of your work into their bodies, Wildbow!

The bad- I'm an online content creator, and it's impossible to convey just how toxic the toxic elements of a fandom can get and how negative the negative aspects can get, and how much it can affect you.

That is true. There will always be a toxic side, and I can imagine works like Worm would attract a lot of the edgy sort.

I've seen 20 online content creators either break down or remark on the effect it has, and it's wholly accurate- and my audience isn't even ~that~ large.

Yeah, it doesn’t take that many people to start brewing fandom sides like this.

This is multiplied by the fact that writing is lonely as a profession (I know too many writers who can't even talk to their life partners about their work) and it can be hard to find perspective or balance as you take it all in, when you don't have people to communicate with.

Robert Jordan used his wife as a beta reader or editor of sorts. She was there to tell him when something he wrote didn’t quite come across, to make up for the fact that he couldn’t tell. After all, he knew what he meant by that one line.

On a similar note, some casual dating would be nice, and living in a small town for economical reasons doesn't leave me with a large dating pool, and at this point I'm not even sure if I could or should inflict myself on someone.

Oof.

There are way too many people who think like that. I hope you find happiness with someone who sees you for the good bean you are, Wildbow.

I'm healthy, groomed, I can hold a conversation, I'm just pretty set in my introverted ways.

...relatable, though.

But still, I’m pretty sure there are people out there for us, who not only tolerate but appreciate the introvert lifestyle.

Hell, both of my crushes have been very introverted, even compared to myself, so I know those people exist because I’m among them.

On another, less social note, there is the fact that as an online content creator, you can't really take breaks. Or you can, but it costs. Consistency and frequency of updates are god, and a hiatus is a death knell.

No wonder he criticized me on this that one time. In his situation, it matters a lot.

I don't even know what an effective vacation would entail, because I feel like finding my stride again would cost more than I gained from having the break. So it's been seven years and two months without a vacation, writing a short book every month.

Damn.

You deserve so many props, Wildbow.

...at some point here I started talking to Wildbow, just like I do to Taylor and other Worm characters. Well, at least this time there’s actually a chance he’s going to read this sometime, if he hasn’t dropped my blog.

I just hope he doesn’t think it’s weird that I’m liveblogging his life story.

It makes for a very strange sort of burnout, when I love it so much, I can still regularly put out some great work to acclaim and praise, but am nonetheless worn down around the edges.

That does not sound healthy.

No regrets. This is me. This is what I'm built for.

As long as you feel it’s right for you, this is good. :)

I could do with less negativity from some fans and getting regular good nights of sleep (the deafness comes with insomnia by way of terminal tinnitus), but both of those just come with the territory.

Ouch.

I feel you on the sleep front (ADD has its ways of messing with your ability to fall asleep too), but tinnitus sounds like a particularly annoying way to be inflicted with it.

I've been telling family for the last year that I'll move to a city with more going on than (as my elderly neighbor phrased it) drinking and meth, where there's classes to take, a possible dating pool, and/or activities that could break me out of my hermit shell... but my current apartment is amazing and cheap, with the nicest landlords ever. It's just in a do-nothing town. I haven't found anything remotely competitive, even taking 'cheap' off the table.

I’ve lived in small-ish towns all my life. It’s pretty nice, especially as an introvert.

So that's where I'm at.

Thank you, Wildbow. This was an interesting read. I feel like I know you a bit better now. :)

(Again, if you’re reading this, I hope it wasn’t too weird to see me liveblogging this.)

[vanaera]

Point of Origin and Intersections

Summary | People come and go at certain points of your life. You just didn't expect you’ll find yourself and Seokjin back to where you started. Prompt | 22. Things you said after it was over (bass guitarist!seokjin medicine student!you) Genre | Angst, some fluff, non-explicit smut Wordcount | 2,219 A/N | I drew inspiration from Paper Towns so if you see the familiar "Anything's ugly up close," quote, that's that :) I recently finished the book and I can't get it out of my head.

           “Day 1: June 10, Sunday morning, the clouds were grey and foreboding, the forecaster lied about having a good weather. I read about James Hutton yesterday. He said ‘there is no prospect of an end’ and I’m halfway through understanding it.”

           “What are you writing?”

           Your hand stops your scribbling on your notebook to look at him. “It’s nothing.” Tucking the notebook back in your bag, you fixed your seat in the passenger side of his car, and settled your elbow against the window. Looking at the barren road comes off quite direful so you set your gaze instead on the man behind the wheel, his hand rested on the steering wheel and it’s been a while since that hand held yours.

           Kim Seokjin is a handsome man, and it was the first thing that crossed your mind when you met him in Incheon airport three years ago. You remember it was around June because he ended up seating by your side in the plane and told you he’ll be spending his summer vacation at his friend’s summer house in LA. He was talkative, even when you first met him, and at that time it was only natural for him because you realized he was afraid of turbulences on flight. You had to grab his hand tight and coaxed him to tell you he’s a business major but he didn’t like his course, he’s also a sub-vocalist and bass guitarist in a band his friends formed, or that he also wants to visit Universal Studios once he lands on American land. You chuckled then, and told him you’re going to LA because of your older brother’s college graduation, and that you might go to Universal Studios too when you have extra time. The 14-hour flight turned out to be too short for the both of you that when you finally landed on the airport, Seokjin asked for your number, and you find yourself stuck with your phone for the next days as you text each other back and forth.

           June transgressed to September and it was fall when Seokjin appeared in the gates of your college campus just to ask you out. You were bewildered at first but then he laughed and reminded you that you mentioned your college to him and the studio his friend rent with him was in the next neighborhood, so it was easy for him to finally find you. You snorted at your own short memory and he told you it’s alright. That night, you found yourself having dinner at Burger King and he walked you back to your dorm which earned him a quick peck on his cheek.

           The next months blended into each other and you really didn’t care then. As the leaves of golden hues fell down one by one, you also find yourself falling for Seokjin and his mellow songs, and the callous on his fingers that you told him was weirdly pleasing on your skin when he touched and explored the slopes of your body in so many nights he had you feeling on top of the world. You never had a relationship with a man so free-spirited before and you think it was that quality of him you never thought you needed when your life is so restrained with deadlines, responsibilities, and the cleanliness and whiteness of the laboratories that almost became your second home.

           “You know you have to slow down sometimes right? Your medicine course have a heavy workload and your small body won’t take it in one go,” he hums against your throat as he peppers kisses on your jaw that had you mewling against him.

           “Well,” you detach yourself from him, breath ragged from his earlier ministrations after a romantic dinner he prepared, “I would think about it but for now,” you smile before you kiss him again, teeth sinking on his plush lips that had him groaning, “just keep going because I think I could take you in one go.”

           He chuckles before he settles your back gently on his pristine sheets, the huge span of his shoulders enough to blanket your bare heart thrumming for him. “Let’s see then if you can, darling.”

           It was spring when you introduced each other to your own families and you found yourself cackling at his bad puns while you carry your boxes inside a flat you both bought with a clean split. Moving in with Seokjin filled you both delight and contentment especially when your boyfriend had already filled every room of your heart with his love and yours, and just the both of you with so much more and nothing less.

           But there are things you can’t avoid to see when you’re finally fully inside someone’s life, enough to draw one’s days and sketch one’s future. You remember one day when you did a road trip that led you going up some abandoned building just to have a magnificent overview of the city where you belonged.

           “It’s amazing,” you said out loud, “when you see everything from a distance. I mean I remember there’s some rickety building across our apartment and I could barely see the cracking paint or the rusted metal works of that building from here.”

           “Anything’s ugly up close, the evident details make it hard to be invisible.” He said.

           “Not you though,” you looked at him smiling.

           “Of course, he grins and you hit his shoulder playfully. “Of course, it’s not us” he envelops you in his arms as you both watched the hues of the sunset warm up the grey, bleak city.

           It turns out you answered his statement without thinking. Your family once told you their concern about Seokjin’s occupation, a situation that your friends also remarked was quite unsteady.

           “Seokjin is a lovely man, dear, and he clearly loves you. It’s just, I think he has to be more serious in his business major than the gigs he goes to.” You remember your mother telling you this some Sunday morning when you went home.

           And you think maybe it’s your fault you let it fester in your mind more frequently than needed that you started talking to him about this instead of with him. You think he felt inferior to your promising studies and the fact that maybe he thinks you look down on him for his not-worth-mentioning marks in his college that he started shutting you out more frequently than he wanted. Fights started with just an easy flick of temper and it tediously dragged on days, sometimes weeks. They don’t typically end, no resolve was reached - just halted because you’ll go to him, or him to you and you’ll find yourselves entangled in your love you built in your home. You think it’s a good thing both of you can’t wander too far away from each other although it’s some kind of a settlement to make up for the gap between you two when your mindsets won’t budge away from the positions they’re in.

           However, the final strike that blows all the proportions out of order comes when you learned Seokjin dropped his major and set his mind going solo in his music journey. His friends told you they fought when they told your boyfriend the gigs they do is just for extra income and that they weren’t really planning to make an unsteady career as their fundamental source of income. And true to their words, you found the boy in some tiny disheveled studio crammed between sloppy constructions in some rough neighborhood. This must be where he hides from you when your fights drive him away from your home. The shock on his face was beyond words, but so is your anger as you confronted him, told him what your family, friends, his friends think about his life choices, and what you really think of him. This time, you don’t see it’s your fault when he won’t budge, when he told you hurtful words you know he didn’t mean, when he won’t see how absurd it was for him to throw away his opportunities in exchange for something he’s not even sure to begin with.

           “I did not in any way downgrade you and yet you have the privilege to do so, wow, Y/N,” he claps, mocking you in every way he can, “how very nice of you.”

           “I’m not degrading you! I’m just telling you this isn’t for you!” You shouted. “What do you expect me to say, huh? The bills won’t pay themselves and I can’t keep thinking love will solve it all when the world and everything will drain us with every cent we’ve got.”

           He’s looking at you with his lips closed and you finally let out the things you’ve been worrying about, things you’re too afraid to talk about so you closed them off to him. You’re planning to tell him someday when you’re finally prepared but now you know, you really needed to let them out in the open. “What if we build our own family, sure I may work at some hospital and come home every night but you’ll always be gone and I can’t let my kid have a father who’s barely there!”

           “Then I can’t stay with you.”

           “What?”

           “I’m tired of you breathing down on my neck every now and then. I can’t have that. I want to break up, Y/N.”

           Silence suddenly swept in after the chaos that ensued minutes ago but you can’t have the momentum change now you’re already here. Holding your head high you said, “Fine. If that’s what you want, I’ll give you what you want. Let’s break up. I’m also tired of you, Seokjin.”

           You know you said things you didn’t mean at all but you didn’t think about going back on your words. You know some day will come you’ll say those words, when the ending was already clear in front of you – with the way he lived, the choices he made, and what he said to you when you’re trying to get him back home after running away for so many days - the details make it evident. So before you could back out from your decisions, you accepted the overseas exchange program the next day and started to pack your belongings in the same boxes you brought in.

           When he came home five days later, he wasn’t even surprised to learn from you about the decisions you made, nor the sudden emptiness of the house itself, no longer a home when you already brought with you the things that made it what it was before.

           “I’m going to LA. Can you at least drive me to the airport next week? I can’t bring all of these on my own.”

           He doesn’t look at you and you didn’t expect him to do so. “Okay.”

           He didn’t apologize, he didn’t come home for the next days until the day before your flight just so he could cook you the spaghetti you loved so much, the same one he cooked when he first invited you in his home, as some farewell gift you’d like to think. It’s not enough to quell the pain in your heart but you’ll never let him know of that; you’ll only take what you can get so you smiled at him and thanked him for the meal.

           And now is the first day you’ll start your life again in some country like a clean slate you never dreamed to be. When he stopped the engine in the parking lot, his hand stopped you from unbuckling your seatbelt.

           “Wait.”

           You stop your movement and looked at him, eyes questioning the motive behind his words. Staying with him made it only natural for you to do so.

           He looks at your eyes for the first time now and tells you what you’ve wanted to hear.“I’m sorry, I- I’m really sorry. I know I’m a jerk and all and I just-

           “It’s alright though, Seokjin. It’s okay. I’ll just-

           “Do-Do you really have to go?”

           He can’t do this to you now, not when you’ve let the deal open for so many days. You shake your head and give him an apologetic smile. “I already said yes to their offer and I can’t back out now, Seokjin, I hope you’ll understand that.”

           He doesn’t say anything anymore and helps you unbuckle your seatbelt. He stays quiet, pulling your luggages with him as he leads you to your gate. He remained speechless and just hugged and waved at you when your flight is announced and you already went inside.

           Leaning on your seat, you think about endings and the way they happen, how yours and Seokjin’s happened right where you both started. But before you could deny James Hutton’s hypothesis of the non-existent prospect of endings, you felt your phone buzz against the pocket of your jeans.

           Seokjin: I didn’t mean what I said before and I know it’s already too late but I have to tell you I still love you. I never stopped and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I don’t expect you to feel the same anymore but I’d like to let you know I will wait for you. (9:47 AM).

           You smile before you turned off your phone.

All Rights Reserved © Vanaera. No reposts, modifications, and translations of content is allowed without direct permission.

[elane-in-the-shadows]

Red Queen Fan Fiction - Growing Up

800 followers celebration! Thanks for joining <3

This is set in the same universe as the Fade Modern AU, to be found here:

A New Place

Growing Up

The Dinner

Roman Holiday

The Wedding

A/N: This is actually a prequel

Find this on wattpad and on AO3

Mare POV

I wake up with a gasp. I squint at the sunlight, quickly occupied with making sure that I’m home and that I’m alone. The relief about this is embarrassing, meaning I’ve believed I really could’ve done something very stupid last night, like going home with my date, or bringing him here. It would’ve been easy, since I’m the only one at home for the next nine days while my parents and Gisa are on vacation in Mexico, my brothers having already moved out. And here I am, staying behind in the void between graduation, college and all that’ll come after, to decide what I’ll do with my life. But instead of finding myself, I hug my pillow at 1 pm, confused over boy issues.

I still feel his warm hands on my waist, his lips on my neck and mouth. He tasted of the fruity cocktails we had. No point to deny it, a look in the mirror assures me he’s left his mark on me. Oh great, as if I don’t look wasted enough. My hair, with its ends recently dyed purple, is a shaggy mess and my make-up’s all-over the place. From the bathroom, I glance over my shoulder, as if Cal would magically appear after all. But no. Despite how it seems, despite the hangover lingering in my stomach, head, and muscles, I did say no to him. The memories are coming back. It came very close to it, because if I’m honest, I have considered spending the night of our fifth date with him, especially during the event. If only he’d never told me about that.

In the end, I decide for a run to chase off last night. Funny that I literally try to run away from my problems and decisions to make, but I guess physical activity is better than playing around with my phone. I don’t fool myself with pretending I’d look up colleges or jobs again, because I know I won’t. I mean, I’m sure I want to spend this year with work and travel, even if it’s another kind of procrastination. But I know I’m not ready, and this is the best chance to live on the road and see the world, as I’ve always dreamed of. Then I’ll have enough time and freedom to figure out if I want to study electric engineering (“that’ll mean a lot of extra learning, Ms. Barrow, do you have the stamina for that?”), politics (“not many career options there”), or something “reasonable” and wholly boring like economics.

I won’t feel bad for choosing freedom when the savings of my family, myself and my scholarship allow me to take a gap year – maybe I’ll even earn some extra money during the time. But that isn’t the reason, that is –

I curse. Just when I’m at the door, I realize I don’t have the key. Great, that’s the reason. I’m not even responsible enough to think of locking and unlocking the flat myself, as I’m still used to someone else being at home. It’s strange to be alone here, although loneliness hasn’t kicked in yet. I have my friends, even Cal, and for now, having the place to myself has been fun. But I gulp at imagining several months without my family. My lovely, chaotic family who always –

The bell rings, just when I’ve grabbed the key. I sigh, rushing to the door. Who I meet isn’t some post guy or neighbour, but my brother Shade, with his baby daughter in his arms. Their sight alone lifts my mood immediately.

“Hi,” he greets me. “Is everyone here?”

I grin. “You got the week wrong. They went on vacation three days ago.” I stand akimbo. “There’s only me.”

“Oh.” He flushes and curses silently. How controlled he is, since although the baby’s only a few months old, he doesn’t curse in front of her. “Well, I’d hug you, but I don’t have a hand free.” He winks at me.

“I’ve missed you too,” I say, a little sarcastically. “Wanna come in?”

“I see you’ve been almost out anyway, and what’s the point if there’s no one else? Let’s have a walk, Clara will like it too,” he says and even baby Clara smiles back at him.

He hugs me once we’re on the corridor and he’s put Clara back in her basket. It’s irksome, but I still have to go on my toes to reach his neck and he laughs at it, which quickly turns into a yawn. While I’m at it, I use the chance to rub his head. “Tired dad, hmm?” I tease.

“You’ve no idea,” he murmurs and sighs, then picks up Clara and walks ahead out of the building. “Could be worse,” he admits. “She only wakes like three times a night, and Diana’s already decided to adapt to her sleeping rhythm. Which means my girls sleep basically all day.”

His girls. There’s always this spark in his eyes when he talks about his girlfriend Diana, or now of their daughter, and I can’t not be envious of his easy and beautiful and perfect relationship. “Where’s Diana now?” I ask.

“Ill, down with a summer cold. I thought I give her some time to rest where she won’t fuss over Clara instead of herself, and go visit the family.” He tries to smile but actually, he looks regretful. Like he missed the chance to fuss and worry over a sick Diana. I assume he sees something in that, that Diana, who’s a very austere person at first glance, opens up to him the most. And because she makes the same eyes at Shade as he does at her.

Yet, despite the apparent stress and worries, he looks so happy, on top of it all. He has a cool girlfriend, lives with her in their own flat, has a job, attends college and now has a baby to take care of as well. All of him screams “responsible adult” at me and tells me how I lack, how I fall flat in comparison. I wish I could be like him, so determined, without doubts.

But I also miss the not-so-long-ago days of our childhood and our pranks and parties and fun together with Kilorn. Kilorn had the ideas, Shade planned, and I executed them. Now, I think we’re still the same people deep down, but Shade managed to move on and grow up while I’m stuck.

“Mare?” His face is a question mark, he must’ve talked to me before.

“Oops, I’m sorry,” I say, shaking my head to hide the flush. “What did you say?”

He squints at the sunlight as he looks down the road. “Would you like some ice-cream?” he asks.

“Sure.”

“Good. Is the shop still on Yew Street around the corner?”

“Yes – “

“Cool, will you hold Clara for a second?”

“Umm, what?!” I gasp. “And you didn’t ask what I’d like.”

He winks at me. “Trust me. I think I can still guess your favourites.” And thus, he shoves the basket into my arms and dashes off.

Trust me, huh? I move us to a bench close-by. A slightly bigger thing to trust me with his child. Fortunately, she’s asleep. Please God, let her stay that way. It’s difficult enough to wield the big basket in my short arms, I couldn’t deal with a wailing babe as well. A really cute babe though. So tiny – compared to anyone else at least. Shade said something about her being a big baby once, but looking at her small fingers and features makes me almost forget how terrible I am with children. Almost.

Her eyelids flutter. Damn –

“Already done, Mare!” I hear Shade call, extending his hand with the ice cone.

“Thank you so much!” I exclaim with relief. He’s bought me mango and cherry, truly what I would’ve ordered for myself. Although I’m hungrier than that, with a very empty stomach that two balls of ice cream will hardly fill. Suddenly I’m glad he didn’t notice that. I’d feel bad if he bought me something larger, and idiot me didn’t bring money with me either. Shit. I know he has to be frugal with money, yet I let him invite me. Better I offer him dinner later on, if I manage to prepare something halfway delicious.

Shade’s attention is back on the baby. She has woken up, but instead of crying, she smiles at her father rubbing her belly and grabs for his fingers. It’s lovely. But I also see the rings under his eyes, or how my skin has gotten much darker from time in the sun than his. Shade doesn’t have time to spare with hanging out in the sun, I remember. Maybe this is the first free time outside he’s had in weeks, and he chose to spend it with me. Let’s make it worth it.

I start to talk about my graduation, Kilorn, Gisa, and the stuff our parents were up to lately. He laughs frequently, but glances back at Clara every few seconds, his hand always close to her body.

“Now, what about last night?” he asks out of a sudden, almost jokingly.  Like he’s unaware what a delicate topic this is, not even guessing it when I stare at him with an open mouth because I don’t know how to begin.

“It was fun yesterday,” I say. “I went out, with Cal. We’ve been on dates for a few weeks now, and … and …” Shade nods in understanding, but he has no idea. Not about how good it felt to have this boy smiling at me like I was the most desirable person in the world, how a touch of his chased away all my insecurities – for a moment at least – and lit me up with confidence, only to let these feelings extinguish and crush with his off-hand revelation that then filled me with bitter guilt.

My cheeks heat, my eyes water. No. I don’t want to remember, but –

Suddenly, I’m in Shade’s arms, listening to his sorrys. He even has a hanky ready for me. “Shh,” he mutters, “shh, Clara, everything’s alright –”

I jerk away. “Did you just call me ‘Clara’?!”

He goes red as a cherry. “Umm … did I? Sorry Mare, I must be used to it already, hehe.”

I cackle, or try to, because it hurts with my tearstained face. The drops won’t stop rolling and I hold on to the new hanky Shade produces. He continues to hold my hand while Clara, in her basket, looks up to me from the ground.

“Cal is …” I begin, “I mean, yesterday, he told me about his own plans. He starts college soon, and now he’s found out his half-brother will study at the same one. They’ll have a family dinner soon, a premier for them. That all sounded odd, of course, but I didn’t prod openly. So I wondered whether he and his brother have the same age, and then he looked embarrassed and nodded. ‘It’s a long and complicated story, Mare,’ he said. ‘Nothing to be proud of.’ And I thought, ‘oh saucy details, cool that he trusts me with them’, ignorant fool that I was.” I sniff. “He explained that his mom was his father’s paramour, and when she got pregnant with Cal, his father divorced his first wife. Months later, the ex-wife sent a letter with a photo of their newborn son and called her ex out terribly, but then she wouldn’t let her child meet his father or brother.

“Over the years, the relationship improved little and they got actually very worried about … ‘Maven’, since his mother didn’t seem like the best of people. And that,” I stress, “was the moment I went from curious to shocked.”

“You mean,” Shade guesses, „Maven as in your ex-boyfriend?”

“Yes,” I hiss. “Exactly him. And Maven even told me about his horrible mother, the father he never sees, and the half-brother he doesn’t know!” I bury my face in my hands and hanky to mute my sobs.

Maven, my first crush and boyfriend, with who I shared our first kiss and first sex. During the last year of middle school and the whole of high school, he meant the world to me. He understood all of me, the doubt and the dreams, the dark days and the light, and I hoped to be the same to him. Yet, in the last months, there grew a distance between us. He became extremely ambitious, almost obsessed about getting into a certain college. He was much less open to me, even when I would’ve needed support to find my way, too, or to decide whether a gap year was the right choice. I knew he had problems with anxiety, more severe than the melancholy lingering in me, but never before did that separate us. I didn’t want to leave him because it was too hard to deal with him, but in the end, three months ago, I decided to make a clean cut before my travels and his studies put also a physical distance between us.

“I felt bad about it, about breaking his heart, immediately. And now, imagining he learns I dated and made out with his estranged half-brother?” My voice goes up with a wail, and Shade pulls me closer again.

“It’s okay, Mare, you’ll see,” he whispers. “Don’t ... feel guilty. You aren’t, well, indebted to care for him.”

“But – “

“Nor do you have to erase him from your life. Maybe offer him another goodbye, like invite to your farewell party?” he proposes.

I snort. “As long as Cal doesn’t show up there too.”

The corners of his mouth twitch. “Well, how they reunite and maybe become a family isn’t your problem to solve either. Look, you could also chat with, ah, both of them while you’re away? Perhaps it’ll work out with a little distance.”

I nod, knowing how reasonable his ideas are. And possibly he’s right, and all will work out. But knowledge won’t heal my heart, not Maven’s. Nor will it make an apology to Cal.

“I really like him, you know. Cal, I mean.” I sigh. “Of course, I’m aware it can’t last while I’m abroad. And that was okay, because he started as a mere distraction. But now …” I shrug. “Sometimes, I think it’d be nice if he came with me. Or if we met every now and then, if possible. He has the money for it.”

Shade snorts.

“Yes, you can get annoyed about that,” I admit.

“That’s not what I mean,” he objects.

“Oh?”

“No, I wondered if he’s aware what it’ll mean for you to travel alone.”

I straighten. “Don’t.”

“Mare – “

“No, Shade, I’m not a baby,” I insist. “I want this, and I always did. I might be irresponsible, reckless, and up in the clouds at times, but I’m not a naïve fool. I know what I’m getting into, that it may be dangerous, or that I’ll have to sleep under a bridge for a night, or wear my clothes for a whole week. But that’s the challenge of freedom, and I’m excited for it.” And despite my former tears and the hangover, I smile. “I’ll be on my own, and I’ll miss you, but the prospect fills me with confidence.”

He sighs and embraces me. “Sorry, I totally understand that,” he says. “It may sound a little odd, but Clara felt like a challenge too, before she was born. Diana wanted her so much, but she was insecure too. And we had to encourage each other all the time, assuring us we’d make it.” He sighs deeply.

“I think you’re doing great,” I say.

He smiles weakly. “Thanks. But once she was born? Everything changed. She was laid in my arms, Dee couldn’t stop crying, and I thought, ‘damn, you can’t fuck this up.’ Now we had all the responsibility for this little person, to raise her and make her happy, and it was just … too great.” He swallows and looks down at his child. “Great as in good, but also …” He hesitates.

“I know.” I nod. As in heavy, huge, incomprehensible.

He inclines his head. After a while, he adds, “so, besides all that, I need to keep her safe, and myself and Dee too. I can’t just do what I want, I have to think of her first. I can’t be on my own any longer.

“But that doesn’t mean what you’re doing is irresponsible in any way, Mare. You’ll look after yourself. You may f… make mistakes or not, but you’ll learn a lot anyway, and not before you’ve done it. You have to dare it first, as we had to dare to have Clara.”

I smile. “I knew you’d phrase it better than me.”

“I major in philosophy.” He grins and gives me a shove. “We have new priorities now, and live away from each other, but I’ll always be your brother.”

“My favourite one,” I say and hug him.

A/N: Sorry this rather alludes to Marecal than being about them. i hope I didn’t wake false expectations and enjoed anyway ^^°

Thanks to @clarafarleybarrow @moikorolrezni and @inopinion for advice!

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