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justcallmenikki7 · 4 years

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BTS Reaction To: Feeling Unworthy To Being His S/O

Hyung!Line & Mafia!Au summary: a rookie makes a comment about you being his wife, and it is not a positive one warnings: mafia!au, mentions of killing and drugs, insecure reader and hoseok in his part, crying from reader and yoongi, soft!yoongi, mentions of depression and depressed reader in namjoons part, soft!bts, fluffff, mentions of abusive family (reader being abused in the mentions mentally), scared hoseok, bts being soft for you and only you, rude rookies/newbie, comments about hating self and body. Mainly anything that has to deal with anxiety, depression, and self hate. This is a different type of mafia reaction I feel like w.c.: 2.3k notes: namjoons part was pretty personal to me and so it may hit home to some. Btw, I know it has taken me a while to post, but ive been trying to find my touch still, but please be patient with me!! School is starting up again next week, so I will be busy with it and with work too. Good news is that I finally found my writing self again!

Kim Seokjin

Am I being dramatic?

That was the first question that popped through your head when the newbie made the comment about your ability to have authority over him and group of others. Saying how you have no skill to be in your position, which is standing right next to your husband, Kim Seokjin, the deadliest mafia boss in the world.

From the beginning of your relationship with Seokjin, you have always felt inferior and unsure of yourself, especially lately when you guys got married. You took the position of being the ‘second in command’ even though his right-hand man, Kim Namjoon, is his go to. If anything, ever happened to Seokjin, he made sure you were the one to take over his business with the help of Namjoon. Before the marriage, Seokjin obviously asked you to which you agreed immediately – thinking that everyone in Seokjin’s gang was going to want this since they knew that you were his fiancée (at the time) and understand why you were getting the position. When Namjoon was told this, you began to apologize because you believe that he deserves the title because of how long Namjoon has been by your husband’s side. But those worries shut away when Namjoon smiled at you as he pulled you into a hug, congratulating you. In the back of your mind, you still believe that Namjoon deserves your position, but the constant reassurance from both Namjoon and Seokjin’s five other close friends, you felt confident. You knew a lot of the ins and outs of the job, thanks to being with Seokjin for almost seven years now, but sometimes you felt as if you did not deserve the position.

The one thing that fueled that thought was the newbie’s comment.

“No offense, noona, but you don’t necessarily have the skill for this job. It is more of, you know, a man’s job.”

In a way, you believed that he was right. You believed that you did not have any power in this position, having no say, thinking that all of the members will believe you are just joking by ordering them around. This comment took a mental toll on you, causing you to lock yourself in your shared bedroom with your husband, hiding underneath the comfort of your blanks, staring blankly at the wall. This is where your husband found you, a concerned look on his face as he sped walked to your side.

“Sweetheart, what is wrong?” He asked in a calm, comforting voice, an action that had you crying.

The first that went through Seokjin’s head was to comfort you but the second one was to find the bastard or bitch that hurt you and to kill them.

“I don’t deserve the position in your gang, Jin. I’m not fit for it, or even to be your wife. Namjoon deserved the title of your secondhand man. The newbie is right, this is a man’s job—” you were cut off by your husbands hand covering your mouth.

“Who told you this.”

“The newbie, Soojin.” You said, not realizing that you were signing the document of his termination. It only clicked when Seokjin stood up, a dark look on his face as he made his way to your guys closet, grabbing his favorite gun.

Knowing that there was no way of stopping your husband from killing the newbie as he gave you a kiss on your lips, rubbing his nose against yours in sentimental way that always brings a smile to your face. “I’ll be back later, sweetheart.”

Min Yoongi:

Yoongi could see the stressed out look on your face as you made your way into his office. He wanted to comment on it, wanting to know what is wrong with his usual ball of sunshine girlfriend, but he did not. Allowing you to push his chair back so you can climb into his lap, seeking the comfort of his presence and the touch of his skin, he did not mention the tears welling up in your eyes or the wobble of your lip, a tale tell sign of you about to cry. Holding you closely as you silently cried, he massaged your scalp, a comforting form of affection that you love, he wanted to ask you what is wrong, but he only kissed the crown of your head, silently telling you that it is okay to cry.

“Am I worthy to be your girlfriend?” you asked silently, voiced kind of muffled by his undershirt. Fidgeting with his flannel, you braced yourself for the about to come anger from your boyfriend.

“What kind of stupid question is that?” Yoongi gritted out, holding you closer, if possible, to help calm down his anger.

“A question that someone made me think…” not wanting to say names because you did not want to be the reason for someone’s possible death. You knew in the back of your mind that Yoongi will make you say the name of the person who has been causing you distress for the past four days, but you did not want to seem weak and allow them to win in this mental game.

“What made you think this?”

Not being able to lie and play around, you began to ramble. “I don’t know their name since they started a few days ago, but they pointed out that I am just in your way. I am not worthy to be your girlfriend because I am weak, which I am. I am not made to be your girlfriend—”

“Now that is a load of bullshit, Jagi. You are my girlfriend, the love of my life. I love you because you make me feel human and feel so fucking loved. You made me see that there is good in this life – happiness even. You are my home. I do not care that you are not, in your words, ‘weak’ because you choose, along with my authority, to not get in the middle of this gang life. I do whatever I can to protect, and if that means hiding you from danger, then I will. But you are worthy, so worthy. I still question how I am even worthy to be your boyfriend and have the ability to love you and you love me.”

At the end of his speech, both you and Yoongi are in tears. The one thing that both you and Yoongi share is the insecurity of not being loved. But what the most beautiful thing that came out of this relationship is the ability to love yourselves and love each other. So, this topic is what makes you guys emotional – scared even. Scared that you both will lose each other and scared that you guys are not enough. It had been rocky in the beginning but seeing how far you both have came and grew is what made it worth it.

The anger and the want to kill whoever made you think this is what fueled the deadly thoughts in Yoongi’s head. You knew this because you can read Yoongi like a book. Looking down at you, silently asking you if he can feed his hunger, you nodded your head. Yoongi knows that you hate violence, but looking from his perspective, you would do the same thing.

Jung Hoseok

Jung Hoseok is a very observant person, has been since the day he was born. This is what makes him a dangerous person, especially in the mafia world because of how he can easily tell when someone is becoming a traitor or is lying to him.

That is why it is hard to lie to him because of how easily he can pick up your lies. You rarely lied to him, but when you did, he knows that something is wrong. So, for the past few weeks, he can tell that you have became more distant from him, mainly more unsure of yourself. He does not like pestering you about things, opting for you to come to him when you are comfortable enough. Being a person who hates conflict – mainly confrontation – he understands how hard it is for you due to your anxiety.

But he could not take it anymore. Hoseok misses you so much. How can you miss someone when they are right there in front of you?

That is why you are now cornered in his office, both hands beside your head, body pressed against the wall. You could see the conflict in your boyfriend’s eyes, a look that is rarely there because he is always sure of himself. Sure about the situation. But right now, the mafia boss is anything but sure.

“What did I do to make you not love me anymore?”

Looking at him confusedly, “what?”

“You’re distant. You don’t kiss me good morning anymore or even let me hold you at night. What did I do, Jagi?”

“Hope, I’m so sorry. I did not mean for this, for you to feel like this. I’ve been distancing myself because of how I realized that maybe I’m not exactly the type of girlfriend you need, especially in this lifestyle. I’m not strong, or athletic, or just what you need. I realized this when one of your dealers pointed it out when—”

“Why are you listening to what other’s say, Jagi? You do not need their approval for your choices on who you are with. If we are happy, then we are happy. We, you, do not need to make others happy. Making yourself happy is what is important. You are allowing someone who does not even know you decide on your happiness, especially someone who does not even know how to spell.”

“Wait, Jungsoo does not know how to spell?” You asked, going off topic, something that you do not realize a lot, a trait of yours that Hoseok loves about you. He knows that when you do this during serious conversations is when you grasp the situation and what he said.

Chuckling, “yeah, he is a lost cause. Fortunately, Yoongi will be able to test the new drugs he made on him.” Slapping his chest at that, you knew that he was going to get rid of him. “But Jagi, I am serious. I know you have a hard time with listening to people’s opinions, especially when it involves you. But what I have been saying from the moment I realized that I loved you, I do not care whether you are what this peasant considers to be ‘fit’ for my position in the mafia world. I love you for you.”

Grabbing him by his collar, you pull him down to you, smiling like a little schoolgirl, you kissed him.

Kim Namjoon

Namjoon wanted to kill the rookie right then and there. But he could not because of how they are at an important meeting with two other gangs. When the rookie made the underlying comment towards you about your appearance, Namjoon could see the light in your eyes diminish slowly. Shoulders slacking and your body caving in on itself, the sight of seeing your happiness disappear in an instant by an opinion (which is completely false and impossible to be found in any way true), is what made Namjoon feel as if he had not accomplished anything.

You struggle greatly with loving yourself and being happy with yourself. You know that you need to, but from the very first day you were born, your parents made you believe that you are unwanted and not even close to being beautiful. Having an older sister that you were compared to with everything and anything, you were always the one losing while she was winning. Nothing that you did was ever good enough. This had turned you into believing that you were not even good enough. You depend on people’s approval for everything – even if you do not even know them because of the abuse and lies (that you feel as if they are true), you believe that what people think of you is what makes you worthy.

But when you met Namjoon, things started to change. He began to show you how beautiful you are, how worthy and loved you are. It has been a very painful process, but you have gotten better. Yes, you get into a depression and deep rut that takes you forever to get out of. But, with the help from your boyfriend, you get out of it. Even if it means him having to literally drag you out of bed and into the bathroom to brush your teeth and help brush your hair, it helps.

It is just that you never know what a trigger to you will be. As of right now, with the rookies comment repeating in your head.

Realizing the train of thought you began to get, Namjoon pulled out his pistol and shot the rookie right in the head. Grabbing your hand, he excused the both of you and took you into the bathroom.

“Breath, baby, breath.” He cooed, hugging you close to him, kissing the top of your head. “You are so strong, baby. So strong, so beautiful, so perfect.” He whispered in your ear, rubbing circles on your lower back. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

“But I allowed—”

“No, no. Let’s not go there, okay? It’s okay to fall sometimes, but remember that we always have to pick ourselves up from where we left off. We can do this, you can do this. You are so strong, my queen. So strong and so beautiful. I love you so much.”

“I love you so much,” you promised back, sniffling. “Please don’t give up on me. I’m trying my hardest.” You begged, grasping his suit jacket tightly in your hands, scared that he will leave you.

“Never.”

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just-dreaming-marvel · 4 years

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Out Of Time ~ 133

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 3,000ish

Summary: Tony finally comes home, but that doesn’t make the problems go away. (Please read the note at the end)

Y/N completely unconscious for a whole 24 hours. The remaining team members never wandered far from her side, too scared to lose another person. When Y/N finally awoke, she knew what had happened. She could feel the change inside her.

“They’re gone…” She croaked, looking at Steve with teary eyes. “The Stones are gone…”

“What do you mean, Y/N?” Steve questioned. “Like you don’t have your powers anymore?”

“I mean, they’re gone.”

“Y/N, I think you’re tired,” Thor said. “If your abilities have left you, then you must be exhausted.”

“No. You have to believe me.”

“Okay,” Bruce interrupted. “I think we need to leave her to rest some more.”

Y/N knew that they didn’t believe her. But she could feel it. The Infinity Stones had been destroyed. Her abilities were gone.

~~~

Y/N was alone in the med-bay when the building began trembling ever so slightly. Concerned as it continued, slowly getting worse, Y/N slid out of bed. The others were not too far in front of her as they all quickly headed out to the yard. Looking up as they all continued to walk, they noticed a ship being carried by a glowing Carol. She carefully landed the space craft, looking at a new shaven Steve with a nod.

Y/N froze, heart pounding wildly in her chest as the stairs of the space craft lowered. Tony, being supported by Nebula, walked out. She couldn’t stop the tears that began to cascade down her cheeks. Tony was alive. Yes, it was clear that he was barely alive, but there he was.

Steve ran up to Tony, taking him from Nebula to help him stand. Tony gripped Steve’s arm as he joined him.

“I couldn’t stop him,” Tony told Steve.

“Neither could I,” Steve responded.

“I lost the kid.”

“Tony, we lost.”

“Is, uh…? Y/N…”

“I’m right here,” Y/N said, running up and embracing him.

Tony practically melted into her arms, kissing her head and Y/N cried. “It’s okay.”

“You’re alive…”

“You’re alive.”

Y/N and Steve helped Tony inside. Bruce immediately got an IV in him and told him that he needed serious rest and food. While Tony sat at the table, his insisted on knowing everything. So the team began explain as a holographic casualty report listed the names and faces of those they lost.

“It's been 23 days since Thanos came to Earth,” Rhodey stated.

“World governments are in pieces. The parts that are still working are trying to take a census,” Natasha explained. “And it looks like he did... he did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent, of all living creatures.”

“Where is he now?” Tony asked. “Where?” Y/N, who was standing behind Tony’s wheelchair, gave his shoulder a slight squeeze.

“We don’t know,” Steve answered. “He just opened a portal and walked through.”

Tony looked over at a sullen-looking Thor, who as sitting outside on a bench. “What’s wrong with him?” Tony pointed.

“Oh, he's pissed. He thinks he failed,” Rocket responded. “Which of course he did, but you know there's a lot of that's going around, ain't there?”

“Honestly, until this exact second, I thought you were a Build-A-Bear.”

“Maybe I am.”

“We've been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep Space scans, and satellites, Y/N was even searching Titan over and over, and we got nothing. Tony, you fought him.”

“Who told you that? I didn’t fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the Stone. That's what happened. There was no fight.”

“Okay.”

“He’s unbeatable.”

“Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?”

“Steve—“ Y/N called, waiting to stop this before it got too bad.

“Pfft! I saw this coming a few years back,” Tony continued. "I had a vision. I didn't wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming. So did Y/N, ya know? She saw this coming too.”

“Tony, I’m gonna need you to focus,” Steve pressed.

“And I needed you. She,” Tony pointed back at Y/N, “needed you. As in past tense. That trumps what you need. It's too late buddy. Sorry. You know what I need?” Tony stood, pushing things off the table. “I need to shave. And I believe I remember telling you—“ Tony went for Steve, only for Rhodey to try to stop him.

“Tony, Tony, Tony!” Rhodey said.

“Tony!” Y/N added, though she knew it was no use.

“Alive and otherwise what we needed was a suit of armor around the world!” Tony continued, taking his IV out. “Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not— that's what we needed!”

“Well, that didn't work out, did it?” Steve retorted.

“I said, "we'd lose". You said, "We'll do that together too." And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren't there. But that's what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We're the Avengers, we're the Avengers. Not the Prevengers.”

“Okay,” Rhodey said, trying to get Tony back into the wheelchair with Y/N’s help.

“Right?”

“You made your point,” Y/N said. “Just sit down.

“Okay…”

“Okay?”

“Nah, nah. Here’s my point. You know what?”

“Tony, you’re sick,” Rhodey said, finally able to guide him back to the wheelchair.

Tony pointed to Carol. “She’s great, by the way.”

“Sit down. Sit.”

Tony finally gave in. We need you. You're new blood. Bunch of tired old mules!” Tony sprang back up and walked right up to Steve’s face, voice dripping with venom. “I got nothing for you, Cap! I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust. Liar.”

It was clear that Steve was affected by Tony’s words. The old friends just gazed at each other in tense silence. After a moment, Tony ripped his arc reactor from his chest and shoved it into Steve’s hand.

“Here, take this,” Tony said. “You find him, and you put that on. You hide.”

Tony fell to the ground. Y/N was by his side instantly.

“Tony!” Steve exclaimed.

“I’m fine,” Tony slurred. “I… Let me...” He quickly fell into an unconscious heap on Y/N’s lap.

“You shouldn’t have pushed him,” Y/N whispered harshly at Steve. “But that’s what you do, right? To get what you want?”

“Y/N—“

“No, Steve. Just, no. Tony’s always been blamed for everything. Always. But, you know what, you’re not perfect either and are to blame for a lot as well.”

“I never said—“

“I don’t want to hear it, Steve. Not anymore.”

~~~

Tony was brought into a private glass room, where Bruce was getting him situated. Y/N was seated by his side, while Rhodey stood by the door.

“I gave him a sedative,” Bruce informed them. “He will most likely be out for the rest of the day.”

“Thank you, Bruce,” Y/N exhaled shakily.

“Of course. I’m going to run a few more tests and give him some more meds.” Y/N nodded, staring at Tony.

“Y/N,” Rhodey called for her attention. She glanced over at him. “I need to know… would you have chosen Tony in the end?”

Y/N pursed her lips. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Rhodey… the choice was made for me…”

“I just don’t want him hurt.”

“I won’t. Trust me.” Y/N rubbed her fingers over Tony’s hand. “I love him. And… he’s all I have left.”

~~~

Rhodey walked out to inform the others about Tony’s condition.

“Bruce gave him a sedative,” he told them. “He's gonna probably be out for the rest of the day.”

“You guys take care of him,” Carol said. “And I'll bring him a Xorrian Elixir when I come back.” She walked away.

“Where are you going?” Natasha asked.

“To kill Thanos.”

Steve and Natasha shared a look before quickly walking after her.

“Hey,” Natasha called after her, “you know, we usually work as a team here, and between you and I, morale's a little fragile.”

“We realize up there is more your territory,” Steve added, “but this is our fight too.”

“You even know where he is?” Rhodey questioned.

“I know people who might,” Carol responded.

“Don’t bother,” Nebula said, standing behind Carol. “I can tell you where Thanos is. Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. And when he worked, he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him. I'd ask "where would we go once his plan was complete?". His answer was always the same: "To the Garden.””

“That's cute, Thanos has a retirement plan,” Rhodey commented.

“So where is he?” Steve asked.

They grabbed Bruce and gathered in the common room. Rocket stood on the table with a hologram of a planet.

“When Thanos snapped his fingers, Earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions,” Rocket explained. “No one's ever seen anything like it... Until two days ago.” A shockwave visibly traversed over the planet in the hologram. “On this planet.”

“Thanos is there,” Nebula confirmed.

“He used the Stones again,” Natasha stated. She looked at Steve. “That’s what happened with Y/N. She was feeling the Stones. We have a chance, we could—“

“Hey, hey, hey,” Bruce interrupted. “We'd be going in short-handed, you know.”

“Look, he's still got the stones,” Rhodey said. “So—“

“So let’s get him,” Carol stated. “Use them to bring everyone back.”

“Just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that.”

“Even if there's a small chance that we can undo this…" Natasha said. “I mean we owe it to everyone who's not in this room to try.”

“If we do this, how do we know it's gonna end any differently than it did before?” Bruce wondered. “And how do we know that Y/N’s not right? That the Stones are destroyed.”

“She can’t be right,” Steve stated. “Not until I see it with my own eyes.”

“And this will be different because last time, you didn’t have me,” Carol stated.

“Hey, new girl, everyone here is about that superhero life,” Rhodey said. “And if you don't mind my asking, where the hell have you been all this time?”

“There are a lot of other planets in the universe. And unfortunately, they didn't have you guys.”

Thor, who had been eating in the back all this time, stood up and walked over to Carol. She looked behind at him. Holding his hand up, Thor summoned his ax. He caught it as it flew over to him, missing Carol by inches. But Carol didn’t even flinch, instead giving Thor a small smile.

“I like this one,” Thor smiled.

“Let’s go get this son of a bitch,” Steve ordered.

~~~

Y/N was sitting beside a still unconscious Tony, reading, when Steve slipped into the room.

“How’s he doing?” Steve asked, awkwardly staying near the door.

“Fine,” Y/N responded, not bothering to look up from her book.

“Look, Y/N, I…” He sighed. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Then go.”

“The team knows where Thanos is.” This got Y/N to look up at Steve. “We’re going to go get the Stones back and reverse this.”

“I told you, Steve, the Stones are gone.”

“You don’t know tha—“

“Oh, I don’t? I just wasn’t, I don’t know, connected to them for years? But go ahead. Try and fix this. But I’m telling you it’s too late.”

“Don’t you want to try and get everyone back? Get Bucky back?”

She paused, searching her mind for how to answer. She knew Steve wouldn’t believe her if she told him that she had seen the future. The battle wasn’t over.

“Things happen for a reason,” she replied. “We have to accept it—“

“Unbelievable,” Steve scoffed. “I can’t even—who are you?”

“I could ask you the same question, Steve.” He clenched his jaw. “We are not the same people we were before we froze, Steve. And I don’t know if we’ll ever go back to that.”

“I’ll let you know when we’re home.”

~~~

When Tony woke up, he was all alone. He was groggy from all the drugs, but he knew he was back at the compound. Looking around the room, he saw Y/N coming towards the room with a tray of food. Her eyes lit up ever so slightly when she met his opened ones.

“Hey, sleepy head,” Y/N greeted with a soft smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a moon landed on top of me,” he responded, voice raspy. “Oh, wait. It did.” He grunted as he sat up more.

“I brought some food.” She set the try on a table in the room. “I didn’t know what you’d be feeling like, so I got a little bit of everything.”

Tony carefully watched as Y/N got his food ready. Knowing her for so long, he knew when something was up.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

Y/N sighed, knowing she couldn’t keep anything from him. “The Stones are gone.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean, they’re destroyed. I don’t have my powers anymore. The team also found Thanos, they went to try to reverse what happened.”

“But the Stones are destroyed.”

“They don’t believe me.”

“What? Why? You’re connected with the Stones.”

“I know… they still didn’t.”

Tony could see how everything that had transpired was weighing down on Y/N, whether she admitted it or not. “We’re leaving.”

“What?”

“We can’t stay here. We need to move on. Start our live together.”

“We can’t just leave.”

“We can’t? Why?”

“Well, they… I… I don’t know.”

“Exactly why we need to go. I’ve already got a secluded piece of land with a small lake on it. We can build a house there. Try to find some normalcy.” Y/N looked out the window, biting her lip. “I can see the weight you’re carrying about all this… it’s not solely your fault. Don’t take all of it on yourself.” He reached out his thin, trembling hand. “Let me bare it with you.”

With a teary nod, Y/N set her hand in Tony’s. He tried to pull her towards him. She sat beside him on the bed, brushing his hair off his forehead.

“I love you, Tony,” she whispered.

“I love you too.”

~~~

By the time the team came back, Tony and Y/N had already put together a house plan. The team came back with the news that Thanos was dead and the Stones were gone, not to Y/N or Tony’s surprise. The two left the compound to Tony’s apartment in the city that night.

They were both extremely sadden by how destroyed and seemly empty the city was. The first night was harder for Y/N than it was for Tony. Due to still being malnourished, Tony spent a lot of time sleeping. Y/N was the opposite, not getting much sleep at all. She was haunted by what happened in her dreams and too scared that if she closed her eyes, Tony would disappear.

It was dusk, when Tony woke up from a nap. Usually, Y/N would lay beside him or still be somewhere in the room. But this time, he couldn’t see her anywhere. He pushed himself up to get a better look at the room.

“Y/N?” He questioned. “Honey? Where are you?”

No response. With a grunt he stood up, grabbed his cane, and headed out of the bedroom. He kept calling out her name.

“Y/N? Y/N?”

He stopped when he thought he heard something. And he was right. He heard sobs that were clearly trying to be concealed. Hurrying as fast as he could, Tony turned the corner, he heart shattering further than he thought it could at the sight. Y/N was on her knees, in the middle of the living room. Her hands were pressing a blanket to her mouth, trying to conceal her retching sobs. Who knows how long she had been like that, but the blanket was drenched in tears.

“Oh, honey,” Tony hurried over, getting down next to her. He pulled her into him, but she fought it. “Don’t fight me, hun. Please.”

“I’m so-sorry, Tony,” Y/N sobbed. “Please just go… I’ll be fine…”

“It’s clear that you’re not.” Tony pulled her back in, not caring that she was fighting. “You’re carrying too much on your own. Like I said before, let me bare this with you…”

“I-I can’t… cause it’s my fault… if I had tried any harder or pushed myself—“

“Until what? You died? You know that I wouldn’t have been able to handle your— I-I can’t even think about it.”

“It’s just… it’s so hard, Tony… it hurts so much… I watched them dust right before my eyes… the power I was given to stop this, failed me and now it’s gone… I’m—I’m useless.”

Tony’s frail hands took Y/N’s face firmly in his hands. “You are not nor ever will be useless. Especially not to me.”

“I’m so sorry, Tony… I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “It’s okay…”

He placed a soft kiss on her lips before going in for other, more hungrily. Y/N welcomed it, letting him have entrance into her mouth. When they finally separated, panting, Y/N and Tony locked eyes.

“Help me, Tony,” she whimpered. “Please… take this feeling away…”

Tony nodded before pressing his lips firmly against hers. Y/N guided herself so that she was laying down as Tony hovered over her, pressing kisses down her neck.

“I will always help you,” he whispered against her lips. “Always.”

It was a beautiful, long awaited night of love and passion. Both of them were beginning to feel whole again, completed, in each others holds. Healing was starting to take place because, as long as they had each other, everything was going to be alright.

next chapter >

My dearest Team Bucky, many of you have been so patient throughout this whole series and I ask you to continue to do so. I have a surprise coming your way (and to Team Tony’s). Thank you for your support and please keep reading.

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#tony stark x reader #steve rogers x reader #the avengers x reader #avengers x reader #marvel x reader #tony stark imagine #iron man x reader #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #tony stark #avenger endgame #endgame #Avengers #The Avengers #avengers endgame

219 notes · View notes

ladyeliot · 4 years

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It will always be you

Prequel: Stay with me

Pairing: Tony Stark x Avenger Female Reader

Summary: The snap has happened, the return of Wakanda has not been as you all expected, but now you have to face reality, and you just can't stop thinking about him, about Tony.

Warnings: Angst, Fluff.

Word count: 4101

A/N: Post Infinity War. Some of the dialogue is taken from the film. Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

Reader Powers: Psionic. You use psionic force to track any sentient being. You also create psychic shields to protect yourself. You can project psychic force bolts which have no physical effects but which can affect a victim's mind, causing them pain.

Life is a continuous struggle of choices that you have to make without stopping to think for a second. It is said that hope is the last thing to be lost, probably because the choice you made almost left you without it. You must also learn that happiness is the last thing to be found, probably because the choice you have made has made you unhappier than you will ever be. Your life has been full of choices, you might have regretted many of them, but you decided at the time to make them, so you never allowed yourself to regret your actions, until that day.

Three weeks after Thanos snapped, hope was completely lost. The new facility has been uncharacteristically silent, no one has been able to say more than two words in a row, and you had barely managed to say one since your return from Wakanda. Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, James Rhodes, Bruce Banner and you, those were the surviving Avengers, the ones that life had given you a second chance, but it didn't really feel like one.

You were in your old room, old because two years ago one of your decisions had taken you away from that place, yes, you were against the Sokovia Accords, that had led you to take the side of the Captain and to fight against the side of Iron Man, who had been the person who had saved you from the madness that your powers had generated in your mind. But even if you had turned against him, you knew you owed him everything. Evidently this was something he didn't understand, which led to a wide rift that had never been bridged on either side, and which led to a breakdown in your relationship of closeness.

Every corner of that room had been kept exactly as you had left it that night when you fled with Wanda. Your drawings together with the charcoals scattered on the desk, the book 'In Search of Lost Time' by Marcel Proust on the bedside table and that bracelet that Tony had given you for your 26th birthday that you had left next to the open jewellery box on the bed. It was really painful to see all of this, knowing that those facilities would probably never be what they once were, that Wanda would not suddenly appear at your door, that you would never sit around the dinner table and that Tony would not occupy the armchair next to your bed to try to cheer you up after a mission that hadn't gone so well. You didn't know whether frustration was taking over the fear and sadness or whether you just didn't know how to control your feelings on that occasion.

The days were long, each of you working in silence trying to make sense of what had happened, looking for a solution that would never come to the problem. You shared the hours, but the solitude that enveloped you was too austere to realise that there was a person by your side. You didn't know Thanos' location, however, even if you did, especially if you did, it had become clear that you could not stand alone against his entire army.

"Would you like some?" asked Natasha offering you a plate with a veggie sandwich on it, which you took with an almost soundless 'thank you'.

Yes, actually that had been your first word in five days, since you said goodnight to Bruce last Sunday, food and sleep were not high on your priorities, especially when you spent the night using your telepathic detection trying to find some sign of life that would make you believe Tony was alive, but it was useless. Your psionic senses allowed you to track any sentient being, you were able to scan large areas, but your ability did not address the entire universe.

That night your spirits seemed to be running low to the ground, three weeks without having achieved anything that would allow you to have any lucidity in your plans was too long as the situation stood. You could hear in the background a soft murmur coming from a conversation between Natasha and Steve, but you weren't really paying attention to it, it was all in your thoughts. But at that instant, an inner burst made them evaporate. A signal came into your brain, a psionic emanation that alerted you to the presence of a spaceship entering the stratosphere, with a fixed direction, yours. You rose from your chair, standing upright, capturing the attention of the people around you. You closed your eyes, heightening all your senses, taking in all the information that was coming to you, at that moment you felt it. You opened your eyes and looked at them.

"He's here," were the only words you could utter before you rushed outside. Your companions soon followed your path, asking questions to explain what was happening, but your inner euphoria prevented you from saying a single word.

That ship appeared above you as you raced across the garden, night was falling relentlessly and you could only glimpse a halo of light that seemed to direct the ship as it landed delicately on the wide grassy esplanade. The five of you paused, taking in the scene, discovering how a side door opened to project a flight of stairs. When you saw his face for the first time your lungs deflated, letting out all the air they had accumulated over a long period of time. Your body went rigid and you didn't react until Steve ran past you and approached the ship to help him down.

He looked terrible, it was evident in every facial feature and in his body movements, you knew what you had been through, but you had no idea what Tony had been through since his disappearance in New York, although you could get a pretty good idea. Before your eyes were Steve and Tony in custody, reunited again, after all that had happened, none of it mattered, at least not to you, and perhaps you had a vain hope that it didn't matter to anyone else either. Even so you didn't know how to act when your eyes connected with his, for a slight moment you wanted to approach him, offer him a hug and tell him that you were relieved to discover that he was there, with you, after all, but you chose to stay where you were, next to Natasha.

It wasn't until you headed inside that the stiffness disappeared from your body. A whispered 'are you okay' from Steve made you react again and pay attention to Natasha's words that were projecting all the information gathered during those days.

"The governments are destroyed," she reported as she projected images showing the missing, like Wilson, Maximoff and Parker, among others, "the working parts are trying to do a census, and it looks like he did it. He did what he said he would do. Thanos wiped out 50% of all living things."

Silence echoed around you, you were sitting in an armchair, somewhat away from the other members, playing with your fingers, trying not to look up, until he spoke.

"Where is he now?" asked Tony. "Where?"

"We don't know," Steve informed him from beside you, sitting at a table. "He opened a portal and went through it. We looked for Thanos for three weeks, with deep space scanners," Steve looked at you, "and satellites, and we found nothing." He looked at Tony. "Tony, you fought him."

"What are you talking about?" asked Tony from his wheelchair. "I didn't fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the wizard gave away the store. That's what happened, there's no fight..."

You took a breath and sighed, because you could contemplate what was about to happen right now, the nerves were there along with the negativity and failure of some of the superheroes on that planet and others, and you knew it could explode at any moment.

"Tony, I'm going to need you to focus..." Steve repeated again hoping that Tony would offer him some clue as to the whereabouts of Thanos.

"I needed you," interrupted Tony in a raised tone. "as in past tense. That trumps what you need. It's too late, buddy. Sorry." He used a second of his silence to look at Steve and another second to look at you, who stood beside him. You took in most of the feelings hidden in his gaze, and none of them were positive or forgiving. "You know what I need? I need a shave," he tried to get out of the wheelchair, taking everything on the table in his stride. "I don't believe I ever remember telling you this..." he ripped out the IV that connected the drip to his left arm. "To the living and the dead, What we needed was a suit of armor around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not," he looked back at you and Steve repeatedly. "That's what we needed!”

The discussion continued, avoiding an upset Tony explaining everything he thought about the current and past situation, ignoring the suggestions Rhodes was giving him to calm down and take his seat again.

"[...] Bunch of tired old wheels!" he pointed at Steve. "I got nothin' for you, Cap! I've got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options! Zero, zip, nada. No trust - liar."

Almost ipso facto he turned to you ripped off the reactor prostrate on his chest and handed it to Steve in his hand, leaving those present virtually speechless, if you still had any left.

"Here, take this. You'll find him, if you put that on. You hide-"

After those words you gazed again into his eyes full of resentment at the past, before his body could take it no more and he collapsed in the middle of the room.

In the hours that followed, you were the shadow of a ghost gazing at him from a distance from the door frame of one of the recovery rooms in the new complex. On the one hand fearing his reaction against you when he woke up, while on the other hand wanting to hear it because you knew that sooner or later it would come but you wanted it to come as soon as possible so that you could face it. Those words she had said to Steve were harsh, but they were really nothing to what you expected might happen. It seemed absurd at the time to have entertained the idea that it might have been forgotten.

"Bruce gave him a sedative," Rhodes said, looking up at you, who were leaning against the doorframe. "He'll be unconscious for the rest of the day. Do you want to sit down?"

"No...I'd better..." but Rhodes didn't allow you to finish your words, as he had risen from the armchair next to Tony and offered it to you. "Thank you."

The door to the room ajar to offer you some more privacy. As you turned your gaze towards him you realised the fragility his body conveyed in those moments, he had spent weeks wandering through space not knowing if he was going to get the chance to return home again and yet he had been able to stay alive and find himself there. You closed your eyes and settled back on the couch, you remembered the first time you did that with Tony, he had spent too much time without sleep after the events after the Chitauri invasion, he could barely sleep because of the nightmares and he begged you to stop them every night, so with your eyes closed you concentrated and invaded his mind with caution releasing the tension you found in it and giving him the peace he needed. When you opened your eyes again, her expression seemed to have changed, she seemed to have found some relief inside her, that fact made you smile. But a knock on the door woke you up.

"We need to talk," Steve's words sounded serious.

A new piece of information about Thanos' whereabouts came as a surprise, but for you the surprise came right after.

"Wait, is this some kind of punishment or something?" you said completely dumbfounded, just outside the room where Tony was, with what Steve was proposing. "Why me?"

"Because we need someone to stay with Tony," he said calmly crossing his arms.

"Is it because I'm the smallest of the whole team? Because I could really knock you all out right now with the blink of an eye," you said crossing your arms too.

"It's because Tony needs you," Steve lowered his tone, "and you need him."

There was nothing but truth in those words. You didn't know if Tony really needed you, but what you had assumed was that you'd needed him for a long time, and you'd put a lot of things before that need, creating your close relationship to go to shit, basically.

"I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to you on this mission," Steve said frankly. "And he wouldn't forgive me either if I said that happened."

You lowered your face as you nodded, accepting his words and the job you had been given.

"Be very careful," you said before Steve disappeared from in front of you to take a path that you had no idea what could be in store for them.

From that moment on, the hours went by really slowly, you took your position in that armchair again, you needed to have a clear mind, you couldn't continue martyring yourself with all the events that had happened, so you started reading 'In Search of Lost Time', that book that had been forgotten on the bedside table since you left that place. News was nil, you barely got a sign of what might be happening and you knew it would probably be days before you got it.

Night was falling on the compound again, Tony was barely making any sign of waking up, which also gave you time to consider how the situation would play out, and various possibilities for coping with it. Some of his belongings had been salvaged from the ship, and his helmet, or rather what was left of it, stared at you from the dresser in the room. Without having a reason in mind you approached him, causing a blue light to suddenly flash across his eyes, showing you his figure in the middle of the room.

"Is it on?" a figure of a seated, completely haggard Tony appeared before your eyes. "Hey, Ms. Y/L/N, Y/N," your brow furrowed, but you approached his reflection. "If you find this footage don't put it on social media, it'll be really tearful," his words brought a sad smile to your face. "I don't know if you'll watch these videos. I don't even know if you're still... Oh god, I hope so..." there was a silence from his words, but you could see him bring his hands to his face, something inside you cracked. "I guess it's easier to do this if you know the chances of seeing you again are practically nil," something inside you made your heart shrink. "I probably should have realised this a lot sooner," he fell silent, "yeah, but I was busy trying not to hate you too much, you know, when you decided to abandon me and choose the other side," exhaustion almost prevented him from keeping his eyes open. "Anyway, anyway that made me realise how important you had been to me," he let his gaze wander, "I tried to be there for you ever since I met you and... god, this is getting too depressing," he ran his hand over his face. "I just want you to know that I wish you were here, because you're the only person I'd like to share my last hours with," he nodded slightly, you knew what he was trying to say with those words, which made your eyes water. "Don't feel bad about this, I mean, if you stay prostrate for a couple of weeks... and then move on with immense guilt..." he hid his face in the palm of his hand and closed his eyes, you wiped away a tear that ran down your cheek keeping the bitter smile you had been wearing all along. "I want you to know... when I've fallen asleep, it will be like the nights we spent together. I'm fine. All right," he gestured towards you. "I'll dream of you. Because it will always be you."

Suddenly, as if nothing had happened, his image disappeared in front of your eyes, leaving you with hundreds of feelings invading your body and mind. You looked up and there he was, still there, sleeping pleasantly, barely knowing what had just happened. You hurriedly wiped away the last tear running down your cheek and sat back down, putting your feet up on the couch, unable to take your eyes off him. Perhaps those thoughts were drawn from his most desperate moments, believing that his life was about to come to an end, perhaps he was unwilling to show them to you now that he had resumed the course of his life, so even though it was not possible you tried to send them to a hidden place in your mind.

You had hardly slept in those three weeks, your mind hadn't rested for days and you didn't know why, but finding yourself curled up in that armchair next to Tony was giving you back the tranquillity your body hadn't known for too long. It was impossible to stop your eyelids from closing, on the contrary you were willing them to do so and for sleep to warmly invade your body, no matter how long you could stay asleep. That's how it happened, making the hours pass without you even noticing.

Like a little gust of wind, something in your body made the light enter through your eyelashes. Slowly you opened your eyes, feeling in various parts of your body a tightness due to the position in which you had fallen asleep in that armchair. You discovered that a woollen blanket covered your limbs, but what kept you alert was the bed next to you was completely empty. Tony wasn't there. You jumped up, looking around, the bedroom door was ajar and Iron Man's helmet was missing.

"Tony?" you asked, raising your voice, stepping out into the hallway. "Tony! Where are you?"

You barely heard an answer, so you were thankful those powers were within you, you stopped in the middle of the corridor and closed your eyes, your receptors picked up a signal coming from downstairs, it was him. You found him leaning on the kitchen counter, his eyes closed as he tried to stand. You ran to him, grabbing his arm to hold him up.

"What do you think you're doing?" you said, leading him to the nearest armchair in the living room.

You discovered that he had shaved, taken a shower and was wearing one of his Tom Ford suits that were so recognisable to you. That meant he had been wandering around the house unsupervised for over an hour without waking you up. You knelt down next to him.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" you asked with a worried look on your face as you contemplated that he was extremely tired. "Bruce gave a set of instructions for you to follow, you can't just walk around..."

"It was your turn?" he cut you off with an angry tone. "Be my babysitter? How did you do it? Did you draw lots?" his countenance was serious, you could still see the puffiness in his eyes and his face fully dehydrated. "Whoever draws the shortest stick gets to look after poor Stark, all right, listen..."

"No! You listen to me," you cut him off, raising your tone above his, standing up and resting your hands on each armrest "Tony, we all lost. We all fought and lost, none of us made it," your face was three feet above his. "So now all we can do is try, in some completely illogical way, to move the situation forward. And if we can't, at least look to the future by doing our best to honour those we have lost."

Silence flooded over you.

"So please don't make the situation more complicated," you continued, lowering your tone, almost begging him. "If I've stayed with you it's because Steve has made me understand some things, because yes, it wasn't really my intention to stay with you from the start, but then I realised that if anyone had to stay with you it was me. I realised that if I had to risk my life again I didn't want to go on the mission, because that would mean never seeing you again.And I've also realised that I've needed you for a long time, that I'm finally by your side and I have no intention of separating from you. Whether you like it or not." Tony cut his gaze with yours by ducking it, but brought his right hand over yours.

That gesture provoked you to bring your other hand to his face, placing a gentle caress on his cheek.

"I know there are a lot of things we need to talk about, but one thing we do have is time," you explained as Tony intertwined his fingers with yours. "So please, don't do anything more stupid and don't disappear," maybe it was the atmosphere generated by the situation, but you risked saying the next words. "Because it will always be you."

Tony closed his eyes a little regretfully, a little embarrassedly, and brought his free hand to his face.

"I knew you saw that," he added calmly removing his hand from his face. "Well, at least I've saved myself from having to repeat it in person."

"I'm not sure I got it right," you said falsely. "You know, there was a lot of interference, and besides, I couldn't really understand what you were saying, so..."

"Sorry, there was only one pass for the film," he said wryly which caused you to smile widely as you rediscovered that the old Tony was still hidden in it. "We won't know when there will be a revival."

"Too bad, I really liked that movie," you sat down on the armrest without letting go of his hand and looking up at him.

"Really?" he asked for the first time modestly, and putting aside all the irony that surrounded the situation.

"Totally," you nodded, trying to express all the many feelings through your eyes.

Silence again kept you company, until Tony somewhat uncomfortably broke it.

"I suppose you know that by now I would have kissed you and created a fully effective plan to make love to you for hours until you begged me to stop in pleasure," he stated lamely, "although I think if you give me a couple of hours..."

"All right, Don Juan," you cut him off with a chuckle, "we'd better leave all that for later, and I'll take you back to bed now."

"I think it's a good start if you take me to bed," he continued with his insinuations.

You got up from the armrest and helped him put his arm around your shoulders, even though he repeatedly told you he could walk unaided.

"Have we heard from the team?" he asked, slowly climbing the steps of the ladder.

"Soon," you said with a halo of hope.

You definitely made it back to the room, having made it successfully through the journey. You helped him get rid of the shoes and shirt that his pride had forced him to wear, but which now made no sense when he was going back to bed.

"See, you're finally going to get what you wanted, I'm undressing you," you said jokingly causing a smile to appear on Tony's face as he lay back down. "You rest, I'll be here. I'll always be here."

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peachcitt · 3 years

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shadow and bone netflix series analysis

what up besties i said as a joke that i wanted to do an analysis post on the changes made in the s&b netflix series from the grishaverse books, and then i realized i wasn't joking and that i actually wanted to do that

it's finals season, i am an undergraduate english major, i have had about five hours of sleep within the past forty eight hours, and believe it or not i am doing this analysis as a fun reward for finishing a research paper. i am putting this out here for you so you can decide if these are the kinds of vibes you want right now.

structure of the analysis will be vaguely as follows:

changes made, in chronological order (or as best as chronology i can do under the circumstances and doing absolutely zero fact checking)

analysis of change when looking at the themes of the books which will include my personal feelings

personal theories (if any) derived from the change for the trajectory of the netflix series

so, like, long post warning. also spoiler warning for the netflix series as well as probably most, if not all, grishaverse books

now let's get this baby started

alina's appearance and shu heritage

so the series starts right off the bat acknowledging alina's shu appearance and the in-world racism and prejudice she's experienced because of it, which was not in the books. however i found alina's shu appearance to be completely in line with the book's themes. alina was already isolated at keramzin and the army because of her sickliness, and she's isolated at the little palace because of her power and her awkwardness. so purposefully making her shu was, i felt, a nice world-building decision as well as a new and interesting layer to her character. also, it's always nice to see diversity in media, so i have literally no qualms with this change

in terms of the rest of the series, the grishaverse is a very politically-motivated story. there's a lot of in-universe politics that happens in the shadow and bone trilogy and especially in the king of scars duology, and i think if the series chooses to extend into/include the king of scars duology story (which, i really hope it will), alina being shu (or at least part shu) will be very interesting to see considering king of scars and rule of wolves deal with negotiations and treaties with shu han. i think also having alina be shu and someone who has experienced countless amounts of in-world racism become a saint, seeing how she and the rest of ravka navigate her identity and identity politics will be really interesting. generally speaking, i just really hope the later parts of the series really delve into alina's identity, what it means to be a saint and also "look like the enemy," and the ravkan people's mixed feelings about her

alina's sickliness/childhood relationship with mal

in the books, alina is described as thin, always having trouble sleeping, hardly ever hungry, and sickly looking because, as we learn later, of her constantly unconsciously repressing her grisha abilities. this is part of the reason she's isolated at keramzin in the books; she's sickly and awkward and no one bothers with her except mal - because they're the same age and mal is strong enough to defend her from the older orphans at keramzin. however, the show doesn't really delve into the effects of what suppressing her abilities do to her except for a few offhand lines (alina angrily saying "im never that sick" when mal suggests she say she's stick to stop from going into the fold, mentions of her larger appetite when they're on the run in the woods). instead, the show kind of flips alina and mal's childhood personalities; mal is depicted as shy and easily picked on, and alina is the protector.

i'll just say it: this change fucks so hard. i love it. i think it says such wonderful things about their characters, and i like that alina begins the series as someone incapable of turning a blind eye to bullies and someone who cares very fiercely for the people she loves (not that that isn't the case in the books - i just think this change does a great job of looking directly at it in the way that shows have to). i think it's easy to root for her, and it's easy to see how she will become a saint to the people. in addition to that, i love what this is saying about alina and mal's characters and how they grow up; that separation from alina caused mal to have to face his own problems head on in traditionally masculine ways (because that was what ana kuya criticizes him in the show for; for always running from fights and being too soft, and i think it's really telling that our first view of mal as a kid, im pretty sure, is gingerly holding a bunny which portrays feminine caregiving and then we jump cut to mal fighting in a dirty boxing ring in the first army, something gritty and masculine). masculine ways that he had to be indoctrinated into and that may not actually be in his natural disposition.

meanwhile, separation from mal meant alina no longer had to be a dominant protector, and she does not connect with anyone in the first army as strongly as she connected with mal, so she doesn't really feel the need to be as aggressive as she was as a child. however, you can see that quiet protectiveness spark up at times - notably when people other than herself are picked on, such as at the food line when she claims not to know the others in the cartography unit so they don't get penalized along with her. i do wish, however, elements of her sickliness had been emphasized a little more in the show because of grisha theory, which i will talk about in another section.

first entry into the fold

okay i will be honest. this change is probably the one that scared me the most when seeing it in the trailers, and i am kind of still iffy on it now. in the books, alina's first journey into the fold and the inciting moment for the entire series is just luck and orders. everyone in the first army has to go through the fold at some point, and it just so happens to be alina and mal's time to go through. however, in the show alina is not initially assigned to go into the fold, but mal is, and alina goes out of her way to make sure that she gets on the skiff so that mal won't have to go alone/without her. there's this level of 'choice' (or at least the illusion of it) in the show in terms of alina and mal getting onto the skiff and going into the fold; at one point or the other they both try to tell the other not to get on the skiff and just choose something else.

the thing that irks me the most is alina's stubborn "i'll make it" line that she tells mal after she's on the skiff. it screams 'fantasy dystopian protagonist' (divergent is the first to come to mind for some reason) in a way that alina never comes across in the books. alina never chooses to make her life more difficult - she's always given two terrible options and has to take the option that fits with her morals or her perception of the power she needs to surivive and win the fight. but i know the only reason alina goes out of her way to get on the skiff is because she's separated from mal, which aligns nicely with the protective nature the show has inscribed on her.

the thing that redeems this change for me is that when alina tries to get just herself onto the skiff (by burning the maps to ensure that she has a purpose there), she ends up endangering the lives of her entire cartography unit. this keeps with the theme of a whole lot of alina's later decisions throughout the books affecting so many more people than just her, and i like that this is a lesson that she learns very early on. this change also seems to be a trade out for the final entering-the-fold scene, but i'll talk about that later.

alexei

here he is, the lynchpin himself. in the books, alexei is dry and rude in a funny way with alina, and they have this really great banter at the beginning of the novel, and then he's, like, the first to get carried off by volcra. very harrowing in the book, i loved it. in the show, alexei's character is a little (a lot) different - he's naive and blunt in a silly way, and he very obviously has a crush on alina. instead of being carried off by volcra in the show, though, he jumps off the skiff and runs blind into the fold - committing what we think at the time is an act of suicide - which was extremely harrowing to see in a completely different way, and i loved it. even if they changed alexei's personality i still love him (and his death) dearly

so as previously mentioned, alexei acts as the lynchpin between the six of crows plot and the shadow and bone plot; he manages to escape the fold alive, and makes it all the way to ketterdam to tell a select few people the legendary sun summoner is alive WHICH. okay ive just decided that's my next topic. anyway back to alexei.

his death in ketterdam is awful because of the personality change, which is why i don't mind missing bitchy alexei from the book; his hopeful little "if i tell you, you'll set me free?" that pulls at your heart and also tells you immediately that he is going to die as soon as he tells everyone what he say is done so well. i also like that through treatment of alexei, we get some characterization of the crows; inej immediately gives him water and glares at the mercher in quiet rage on his cruel treatment, kaz doesn't flinch when alexei is killed but inej and jesper do. i also thought it was interesting to have the mercher (dreeson was his name i believe) to be the one to get his hands 'dirty' and actually be the one to shoot alexei because in six of crows, there is always the sense that the merchers are cruel and conniving, but that they very carefully keep the death of the poor and the grisha off their own hands. im wondering if this hands-on killing is a dreeson-specific trait, or if this more hands-on cruelty will be explored more in other mercher characters we meet, like van eck.

sun summoner legend

this change is so?? i don't really know what to think of it. narratively, it makes sense in the show to have this legend be in place so that alina's importance is immediately recognized by people across the different countries.

however in the books, no one really expected alina. her presence wasn't foretold or divine (at first) or fate in any way. she became a saint because i think in part people weren't expecting her, and once they saw what she could do, they wanted to believe in her abilities so bad they made her divine. this change was also weird to me having just finished rule of wolves where zoya (i think) reflects on amazing things that have happened throughout the story and she notes that alina was not some sort of legend that people were expecting - none of what happened was. everything that happened from alina to nina's miracles in king of scars to zoya's expanded abilities by the end of rule of wolves to the "age of saints." all of those things were just chance people being in chance situations that all slid together in a strange, amazing coincidence. they got lucky.

and i think, at the center of the books, is this kind of purposeful disillusionment of the saints and religion, what with the main character of the original trilogy literally becoming a saint and yet never truly feeling saint-ly or being perfectly divine. the sun summoner legend the show brings up seems to depart from this. it'll be interesting to see what the show does with the legend and how alina feels about it as she fulfills it, and im honestly hoping that we'll find out later in the series that the legend was actually just some poor guy a few hundred years ago making something up to give people hope.

the crows timeline/characterization

in the books, the six of crowd ice court heist happens three years after the events of the final book of the shadow and bone trilogy. but obviously the timelines are smushed together for the show to create a new and different direction for their story and also, as we see at the end of the season, a new and different direction for alina's story as well

ive also seen bardugo say that because of the converging time lines, the grishaverse story will not take seven seasons (one season per book in the grishaverse) to get through. for this reason, im thinking that the parem story/ice court heist will begin if/when we get season 2. given that parem is a big part of kos/row, i see a crows and nikolai interaction happening in season 2 that sparks a beginning discussion on parem.

but back to the crows characterization! the crows are completely in character for me in almost every way, and i found the interactions between kaz, inej, and jesper to be very in character. however kaz's plan to capture alina doesn't work out almost at all which is something that he definitely wouldn't have let happen in the books. im chalking this up to the converging timelines - these crows are baby crows. they're young, a little less experienced, and they haven't gotten their groove on heists (and they don't have the rest of their crew) yet. but i anticipate seeing more crows-classic successful heists in season 2.

there are a couple of things i want to talk about each crow, so it's subtopic time

nina and matthias

perfect. their interactions were almost always word-for-word from the book. i can't remember if matthias had actually been the one to actually catch nina in the book, but if not, then it was a nice touch. it was interesting to see that both of them were so willing to be traitors of their country for each other in the show, because even when they're in a romantic relationship outside of fjerda and ravka in the book, they struggle with even the idea of betraying their country.

i like how they changed nina and matthias' "escape" from fjerda to ravka, and how nina explicitly betrayed grisha she knew to their faces. im interested to see how they'll integrate her back into the second army, or if they even will do that. also, i like that fedyor slowed matthias' heart to make him pass out before he sees the other grisha, so it was easy to understand how matthias could've thought it was nina deceiving him all along. their confrontation in the boat was (chef's kiss), and the horror on nina's face as she realized that this situation she put him in won't be as easily solvable as she thought was just wonderful.

jesper

perfect. i love him. and the coy little hints that he's a fabrikator were so good. also the line in the very beginning where he asks for a demo man, which foreshadows wylan was very nice. the only thing out of character is one time kaz asks him to be a distraction and show jesper claims that being a handsome distraction is not part of his talents. it literally is, why did they make him lie.

inej

literally so so good. i love that we meet her while she still has her oath not to take lives; we get to see her develop and learn that sometimes death is necessary, but that she still isn't yet comfortable with killing. on some level, she never will be, and i think that was a perfect place to start her character. however, i am confused about the show giving her a brother. where is he. is he going to be important?? why is he here???? i can't even make any solid predictions about him because inej having a brother came straight out of fucking left field. here's one flimsy prediction based on nothing at all: inej's brother is grisha and is an indentured servant. may also be involved in the parem plot, or works at the white rose where nina will befriend him and connect with the rest of the six because of him. who fucking knows

kaz

i already kind of went over their disaster plan that still somehow worked out for him, but i love literally everything else they did with kaz. the refusal to show his bare hands was literally art!! we got that tease in the first episode and the camera pans up as soon as the gloves come off. that was perfection - as well as the intimacy and trust portrayed between kaz and inej without them ever touching. i also loved the hints and nudges for his story with pekka - the way he always says his name with obvious distaste, and when we see him interact with pekka for the first time on screen. how he asks if they've ever made a deal before and pekka just goes "nah" and kaz just glares at him. perfect. and i also think the show really leaned in to the soft parts of kaz that inej sees in him, especially when he basically said she (and jesper) meant more to him than any saint?? oh my GOD. i kind of like this honest departure from kaz's book "greed is my god edgy edgy blah blah" especially when he's afraid he'll lose inej. i also think it'd be funny if we hear kaz say "greed is my god" and be edgy about it with us AND inej knowing that is superficial because of what he told her. that would be hilarious.

pekka, tante heleen, per haskell

these three aren't part of the six, but they are part of the original six of crows story and i still wanted to talk about my opinions on them, so they're going here.

i fucking loved pekka, how ruthless he was, and his irish accent. that was wonderful. because of how fucking hands-on and brutal he was, though, i wonder if they're going to keep the jakob hertzoon piece of kaz's origin story the same, because this pekka was so good at being violent that it was hard to picture him even pretending to be a benevolent benefactor to orphans. he is a dilf, though. i am not afraid to admit that.

my only problem with tante heleen is that her actress looked too nice. like she might bake me cookies and offer me a ride home from school. total milf as well but not in the scary sexy way that she was in the books. she had smile lines, she was so dainty, she seemed so genuine. i want to see her be a little more cruel.

per haskell, the actual gang leader of the crows, is not in the show at all. it seems as though the show made kaz the official boss of the crows while he is only second in command in the book. this makes me wonder how they'll handle or if they'll even include that fucking awesome scene in crooked kingdom of kaz earning the gang's trust over haskell. it would be weird to introduce per haskell in season 2 when he wasn't even mentioned in season 1, but it wouldn't be altogether terrible considering the crows spent very little time in ketterdam this season. however, this makes me wonder if, when kaz was away on his little saint pilgrimage (i am calling it that specifically because i know it would piss him off) someone else stepped in as "boss" of the crows. in the show, kaz also leverages the deed of the crow club in order to be able to take inej with him, and presumably the jewels alina gives him will solve that problem, but what would happen if any of the crows find out he made that deal? would he still have to earn the gang's trust back in a show of power and respect like in crooked kingdom? much to think about.

mal

back to the shadow and bone story, ive already briefly (not really briefly) gone over mal characterization alongside alina, but i want to mention how the show includes his perspective alongside alina's and how important that is. the shadow and bone trilogy is told entirely from alina's perspective, and alina is in some ways an unreliable narrator. she tends to think of her relationships and feelings as one sided unless her friend/love interest is looking her in the eye and telling her exactly how they feel about her. the one exception is genya, and that sort of bites her in the ass until it doesn't, but i digress. the point is, the only mal perspective we get in the books is alina's perception of mal, and the bonus content of the "lost" letter he'd written to her while looking for the stag in fjerda. granted, that letter says a lot about mal and how he feels about alina, so if you didn't take the time to read the letter when reading the book, chances are you weren't so hot on mal unless you have sexy critical reading skills like me (or just really love the childhood best friends to lovers trope).

getting all the gritty, messy details of how hard mal is trying to get back to alina in the show makes him so much more of a sympathetic character than he may have seemed at first glance for the majority of shadow and bone from alina's perspective. the show really stresses that the bond alina and mal have is mutual and powerful, and i think that's fucking perfect, actually.

this point was really driven home during the episode we see that mal has a matching scar on his palm that is related to alina, just like how alina has a mal-related scar on her palm. that scene in the brig was so good, especially when they ask each other what they're in for, and alina says "the usual," and after a pause, mal replies "the usual" as well. he could be lying because he knows she would feel bad if she was the reason he chose to stir trouble to go to the brig, but he could also be saying that he usually actively chooses to be sent to the brig for defending alina or because alina is usually already there and he wants to be with her. knowing that and then seeing alina have the scar on her palm erased was. fucking devastating (in a good-ish way), and im kind of hoping alina either chooses to have the tailoring removed so she can see the scar again or injures her hand in a mal-related injury so they can match again :(

i have more to say about mal, but i'll save it for the grisha theory/amplifier section

the darkling

overall, darkling portrayal was very spot on, but i didn't really like how he just. gave alina his name so early on. in the books im quite certain he doesn't give alina his first name until the third book? regardless, he doesn't give it to her until they've fought and been enemies for a while. theoretically, kirigan giving his real name to alina so early could be a manipulation tactic (like his moments of 'vulnerability' and 'weakness' with alina in the book), especially because we lose that 'heart to heart' by the campfire after the darkling rescues alina from the fjerdans where alina first starts to see the darkling as human.

i also thought it was interesting that alina kisses kirigan first - in the books they're actually having a serious discussion (i can't remember what about, but when she realizes the darkling is Not Good, she remembers the first time they kissed as a thing he possibly did to distract her from thinking her own thoughts), and the darkling interrupts her with a kiss sexy enough for her to forget what's going on. the show however chooses to do a girlboss she-can-move-on-if-she-wants-to moment which is pretty cool and let's be honest, if you like men and ben barnes is right in front of you giving you Sexy Eyes a whole lot, you are going to want to kiss him. that scene where they get interrupted during a steamy kiss, and they laugh and kirigan leaves the frame just to rush back for one last kiss? that nearly fucking converted me. that was really sweet actually. the show does a fantastic job of showing how captivating kirigan's interest can be.

last note about the kirigan for this section - isn't kirigan the name of the guy who owns the guilded bog for nikolai in kos/row? i can't be sure because i don't have my book with me and i refuse to look up information when i have gone this entire post without looking anything up, but if his name isn't kirigan it's pretty fucking close. i don't know what that means, but i don't think bardugo is the type to name characters similar names for no reason. we'll know for sure if/when the guilded bog is introduced.

zoya

most of zoya's portrayal is really in line with her character and her development throughout the shadow and bone trilogy as well as king of scars and rule of wolves. i think the show did a great job of showing how zoya was in the darkling/kirigan's favor for a while before alina arrived and how she resents alina at first for causing her to not be the darkling's favorite anymore. in addition to that, knowing we find out she is part suli in row makes her casting so much better, and i like that we get to see a little more of her personality in the show than we do in the book shadow and bone. of course we see more of her in siege and storm/ruin and rising, but it's nice to have her become a sympathetic character through the knowledge that she has family in novokribirsk and that she purposefully mans skiffs to see them before she fully sides with alina.

the one thing that made me. just confused was zoya calling alina a "half-breed" at the little palace?? it was so out of place (that particular part of the insult; im pretty sure the other thing she said was very much exactly what she said in the book. some insult about orphans i think), especially knowing that zoya herself is a "half-breed," so that didn't make sense to me.

however, i was glad to see alina immediately embrace zoya as an ally - because she knows from the start of zoya's alliance that she had family that kirigan killed. in the books, alina's parentage is not at all important, and their deaths are never specified to matter, but the show points out from the very beginning that alina's parents were swallowed by the fold. i think this makes alina's immediate compassion and forgiveness of zoya make sense, and it was also very sweet and a little funny to see alina pull zoya into a hug that she so obviously does not expect or want to express as something she wants. it was perfect.

east vs west ravka civil war

i don't have much to say about this except it makes kirigan's actions at the fold seem a little better. not great, not by any means, but knowing that the leader of a growing coup was right on the other side really cements in the idea that kirigan is doing this for what he thinks is the greater good of ravka. im pretty sure in the original trilogy, there was also some tension between east and west ravka, but none of it comes to a head until the events of kos/row. great set up for future ravkan tensions in future seasons.

david and genya & fedyor and ivan

before we get into the last meat and potatoes of this post, i want to talk about love because it's a little bit of a break. take this time to stop reading, stretch, relax your jaw, straighten your back, drink water, etc. you've been here a while. you deserve it

okay so first fedyor and ivan. in the books, fedyor and ivan are just bros (i don't even remember them ever really interacting?) but in the show it is heavily implied they are dating. this is so funny to me, and i love it so much. especially because ivan was in a het relationship with marie in the books (but because the show kills marie off before she dies in the books, obviously that is not happening), so they really just decided that ivan and fedyor were gay for seemingly no reason. except i think ivan died on the skiff during the final battle in the show which is kind of a bummer because he lives through to ruin and rising and has an... interesting arc. fedyor, i think, dies in the battle of the little palace in siege and storm, but i wonder what they'll do with this relationship in next seasons. maybe fedyor will take ivan's place as grieving boyfriend with ptsd, but im not sure. i honestly don't even know for certain if ivan dies in the show, so we'll see.

as for genya and david, i would just like to point out the little hints of mutual affection. in the books, it's kind of implied that genya had feelings for david first and he didn't realize his own feelings until after she's scarred by the darkling, but in the show we see david actually looking at genya during the winter fete! like looking, appreciating the view! i loved the show choosing to include that small amount of mutuality, and after finishing rule of wolves it definitely made me feel some type of way. david and genya. i love them, they're perfect.

grisha theory/amplifiers

we're nearing the final stretch in this post, however, i have a lot to say about grisha theory and amplifiers, and i also have a lot to say for the battle of the fold so this "final stretch" will probably be. a very long stretch.

so obviously because of the nature of books and narrative writing, there was a lot of space within the shadow and bone book to go over the grisha theory alina was learning at her time in the little palace in great detail, however in the show we hardly even get any grisha theory at all. the little we get is actually from the apparat. im not sure if we get anything from bhagra. i don't even think we get the phrase "like calls to like" which is the most basic piece of grisha theory throughout the entire grishaverse.

i am definitely. bitter about this. i obviously didn't want huge long meditations on grisha theory in the show, but pretty much the whole time alina was at the little palace, i felt like she had so much time free time to wander around the palace, hang out with nadia and marie, daydream about mal and kirigan. don't get me wrong - those are all valuable activities - but i feel like it missed the point of alina's time at the little palace. she felt isolated there; yes, she had nadia and marie, but she couldn't share with them everything she was going through because she didn't want anyone to truly know how difficult mastering her abilities were. and because she was so isolated, she throws herself into grisha theory, especially during the times in which she can't summon her abilities by herself. this is when she learns about why she's been so sickly her whole life (because she has not used her abilities, and grisha derive some form of life force and energy from using their abilities), all about amplifies, and other really cool world-building for grisha abilities and culture. instead, it was difficult to tell (at least for me) in the show if the palace and the little palace were even different places while in the books the little palace was such a whimsical, ancient, and magical place for alina compared to the gaudiness of the main palace.

the collar

anyway, complaints about architecture and alina's subpar theory education aside, the little bit of grisha theory we get is from the apparat when he talks about ilya morozova and the three amplifiers he was attempting to make during his lifetime. when the apparat is describing amplifiers, it almost seems like amplifers - not just morozova's inventions - are super rare in the world of the show. amplifiers are relatively rare in the books, obtained by only some of the most powerful grisha (zoya, ivan, alina), but they still exist. from what we've seen of zoya and ivan, they didn't seem to have amplifiers on their person, so it looks like alina is unique not only in getting an amplifier from one of morozova's beasts, but also in just getting an amplifier in general, which is a little weird.

EDIT: thanks to @laelipoo for pointing out that zoya is actually shown to have what looks like a tiger’s tooth embedded in the skin of her wrist in the first episode! so okay this shows that powerful grisha still have amplifiers in the world of the show, but this probably suggests that instead of being pieces of jewelry like in the books, they act more as body modifications, which is really interesting. if im not mistaken, ivan’s amplifier is a necklace in the book, so maybe his show-amplifier would’ve been embedded in the skin of his chest. regardless, i’d still like to see more discussion on how amplifiers in the show work - which, now that we know zoya most probably has an amplifier, we might get to see with her becoming more prevalent of a character in the projected arcs of the show (both shadow and bone trilogy as well as kos/row)

i can't remember if morozova was ever referred to as "the bonesmith" (i feel like he has been, but not in the way the apparat refers to him in the show), but i feel as though that was a kind of. foreshadowing for how we would see the stag amplifier work later in the show. in the book, the stag's antlers are a literal collar around alina's neck that remains there until she loses her abilities, so the metaphor of being "owned" by the darkling is definitely there. it never stops being there until she loses the ability that makes her his mirror and his tool. however, in the show we definitely. do not get that.

so i've seen some people say that they hate the design of the stag collar, and i cannot say i was a huge fan of looking at it myself. but that just really cemented in the fact that kirigan forcing the collar on her is a complete violation of her body and her agency. the fact that the bones erupt from her skin and that her skin looks irritated where the bones puncture through her skin just reinforces the idea that this fusion is not natural and is not supposed to be pretty because kirigan taking control of her in this way is really really terrible actually. in addition to the collar, the show also gives kirigan a circle of bone embedded in his hand - which, hand versus collar, who has the most agency in this situation, his hand is quite literally around her neck, etc - but i feel like they made this change so that non-readers could see and understand the mutuality of the amplifier in a physical manifestation because the show doesn't expand on that theory at all.

i really liked that the show kept the reason for alina gaining control of the amplifier being her connection with the stag before kirigan killed it because that at least is consistent with the theory in the books, especially with the expansion of that same theory in kos/row with zoya's connection with juris and how true use of an amplifier requires mutual connection, understanding, and suffering between the grisha and the animal.

i also thought that the way the show portrayed alina taking back control of her power with the stag's horns absorbing into her own bones was a really effective way to show that the power is hers now, and that it is a part of her. however, i wish the show had kept some evidence of the collar because of how it quickly became a piece of her iconography in the books as well as a symbol of her power. seeing as how alina stabbed the circle of bone out of kirigan's hand (very sexy girlboss moment), i wonder if kirigan will still be able to control her abilities. if he can, i hope that any time he uses her abilities, the horns emerge from her skin again as a visual signifier that alina is being violated and that her own power is being used against her. OR even at the times in which alina uses kirigan's power against him (like if the show depicts the conclusion to the battle of the little palace where alina uses the darkling's merzost) to have the horns come out of her skin to show that she is reinforcing her bond with him. both would be really cool.

alina and mal

okay so in ruin and rising we learn that not only are alina and mal bffs and in love whatever, but also that they've been drawn to each other because mal is actually the host to the last of morozova's amplifiers. and then alina looks back at the times in which she's felt the most powerful or when they encountered morozova's beasts, and she realizes that all of those times coincide with when she had important moments with mal. this reveal is huge in the series, and without the build up, i fear it might seem like it would've come out of nowhere if the show chooses to go in the same direction.

for example, alina and mal in the book only find the stag after they kiss for the first time. however, in the show they don't kiss. they don't even move mal's "i see you now" speech to right before they find the stag. it's simply a jump cut to alina and mal in the forest looking at the stag. they might be talking, but i don't think it was an 'important' moment for them.

however, they've been setting mal up as a better-than-average tracker since the very beginning with ana kuya asking him specifically to hunt for dinner. mal also admits that when he saw alina's power come from the tent when kirigan is testing her power that he heard a 'high-pitched tone' and somehow intuitively knew that it was her or something like that. he also tells alina that he'll always be able to find his way to her, no matter what, which is really romantic of course, but it is also part of their connection as one of morozova's three amplifiers and the girl who will possess at one point in time two of the three amplifiers.

i also think that the scene in ruin and rising when alina kills mal for his power is supposed to directly mirror the scene in the shadow and bone book where alina tells mal before they find the stag that she wants him to kill her before she can be caught by the darkling; part of the reason she feels strongly enough to ask this is because she understands grisha theory enough to know what the darkling's plans for the stag and her are. when she's protecting mal and the stag from the darkling, she begs mal to kill her. but he doesn't. and in ruin and rising, when they're out of options during the final battle, mal tells alina to kill him. and she does.

but without alina asking to be killed paired alongside the lack of intimate mal and alina moment before they find the stag, i wonder if the show will be heading in the same direction as the books in terms of mal's status as the last of morozova's creations, or if they'll decide to do something different.

battle of the fold

i think the most obvious difference in the battle of the fold is that kaz, inej, and jesper are like. just chillin on the skiff. additionally, zoya is on the skiff (her presence there was discussed in the zoya section), and mal is not a prisoner in the skiff like he was in the book - he snuck on. for the six's presence on the skiff, i don't mind it and i actually like how they participate in the battle (inej throwing a knife into kirigan's chest and nearly ending his shit right then and there was something we always wanted but did not know we wanted. same with zoya and inej bonding during a fight), but the change in mal's freedom status on the ship is a little more complicated.

in the books, the darkling lets alina and mal spend one last night together (with bars between them) before whatever happens on the fold. i can't remember if he tells alina that he plans to execute mal in the fold, but regardless it becomes apparent that is his plan when he throws mal overboard, on the edges of alina's sunlight, and begins reigning in the sunlight so that mal will be consumed by the fold. it's the fact that mal is in danger that alina manages to gain control of her power once more, and she saves mal. the group of dignitaries from the various nations are still on the ship when she makes her escape, and she uses the Cut - a form of summoner ability that she has never used before and has only ever been used by the darkling. she makes the terrible and difficult decision to let the dignitaries die in the fold alongside the darkling, because she believes it's a worthy sacrifice to make, and she and mal escape together.

i think this sequence of events would've tracked really well in the show with how alina had previously been depicted as mal's protector, but the show chooses not to have alina save mal and kill the dignitaries. instead, the show has kirigan kill the dignitaries and also has mal have a homoerotic fist fight with kirigan which is. not exactly not in line with themes the show has put on, especially with how mal and kirigan have interacted before in the show.

in the books, we don't see mal and the darkling interact without alina as a buffer, and so a fistfight between them in the battle of the fold in shadow and bone wouldn't have made narrative sense and would've just ended up feeling cheap. however we do see mal and kirigan interact without alina in the show - when mal is showing kirigan where the stag is and kirigan learns alina's favorite flower through mal, and when kirigan gives mal that petty little speech about how he'll get alina eventually while mal grows old and dies.

there's an interesting phenomenon in certain kinds of love triangles; most of the time you see love triangles in the classic sense of Person B and Person C both being in love with Person A, who has to make the choice between B and C. however, that's not a true love triangle - there also needs to be a connecting factor between B and C. and, in most cases, that connecting factor is the ritual of masculine homosocial rivalry. so when applying this kind of love triangle to alina, mal, and kirigan, we see that both mal and kirigan have feelings for alina, but they also have a connection to each other through their rivalry, which is as much about rituals of masculine conquering (whether the person they are wanting to conquer is alina or the other man is a very interesting question to which the answer is yes) as it is about being the person alina loves.

do i personally like the kirigan/mal fight in the fold? no, i would've much preferred to see alina rescue and protect mal. however, i do recognize that the fight makes narrative sense within the show, and it was really funny to see kirigan get his shit rocked by mal's bare fists a couple of times. i would say i hope he's been humbled by the experience but we all know that's not true.

also remember when i mentioned that kirigan is the one who kills the dignitaries here instead of alina leaving them to die? and remember, way back in the beginning when i said that alina inadvertently getting her cartography unit killed in the show may have been a swap for some deaths in the battle of the fold? alina being excused from the deaths of the dignitaries in the show but responsible for the deaths of her cartography friends at the beginning is what i was talking about. like i said way back (or maybe i didn't say it but im saying it now), it makes narrative sense. i get it.

however, i think the choice not to have alina perform the Cut on the skiff when she regains control of her power is an interesting one. because, in the book, that was an ultimate show-off of power (even if it was a terrible moment for alina). no one else but the darkling can perform a Cut, and as soon as alina forcibly takes control of her power from the darkling she uses his own signature move to leave him for death? that's a power move. that's irony. that's a physical manifestation of alina being able to adopt and take advantage of some of the darkling's power and use it against him, which is definitely a main theme in the book as it happens every single time alina gets close to defeating him and also when she actually defeats him.

so the Cut is really important, and i want to see in what other situation the show might have alina perform a Cut of her own against kirigan, or if they'll even include that aspect of reclaiming of power. i really want them to.

conclusion

so what have we learned? i think, first and foremost, we have learned that i have so many opinions and should learn how to be sweet and concise with my words. we have also learned there were a lot of changes between the grishaverse books and the series, and these were only the changes that i remembered off the top of my head having watched the series almost a week ago and having reread the books over the past few months.

in addition to those things, we have learned that, in my academic opinion, many of the changes made to fit the story into the screen were positive changes or, at the very least, changes i am interested in seeing develop. in the end, i am just a fan, and regardless of what season 2 may throw at us, i trust bardugo's decisions because she has never let me down narratively before, so i'll probably end up loving things the show ends up doing because i am, at my core, a simple sort of person.

i had a lot of fun writing this all up, and i hope this super long post was informative or entertaining in some way. thank you so much for reading<3<3<3<3

#shadow and bone #s&b #shadow and bone netflix #s&b netflix #long post #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #the darkling #general kirigan #shadow and bone analysis #shadow and bone meta #peach stuff #jesus christ. if you read all this you are so strong. stronger than the us marines. i am so sorry im like this #you'd think during finals season my theory and analysis brain would turn off but no. apparently not #i did this as a reward. for finishing a research paper. i wrote and compiled all of this as a REWARD #also if my details are off or wrong in any way it's because i didn't do any fact checking <3 #im only human after all #and you can always comment or message me saying i fucked up and i'll edit this post #i haven't slept in. maybe 30 hours #i have gotten 5 hours of sleep within the past 48+ hours. i am having a great time #today is my break day though my next final isn't due until friday evening so i'll just. do it tomorrow and friday #anyways yeah. im so sorry for this. this also may be the best thing ive ever done

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css1992 · 3 years

Text

Guilty Pleasure

[Porn AU]

Summary: Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM.

All the warnings listed on Part I apply.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII / Part VIII / Part IX / Part X / Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

What the fuck was he thinking?

That was the first thought in Peter’s mind when he opened his eyes the next morning and remembered what he had done the night before. Agreeing to meet with a subscriber, really, how dumb was that? It was one of those things he did before bed when his brain was too slow to make good decisions and then the next morning there were consequences. Consequences. Peter couldn’t deal with fucking consequences, he was still struggling with the fallout of his other terrible life choices.

I should cancel, he thought, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, trying to wake himself up.

He should definitely cancel. Right. It was only reasonable. He could tell Tony he slept on it and realized it wasn’t such a good idea, after all. Or he could just say he was sick – for the foreseeable future. Or something. He would figure it out as he typed.

He sighed heavily and reached for his phone on the nightstand, pulling up his chat with Tony. He was going to call the whole thing off – he was! – but he made one crucial mistake. Before he started typing an excuse, he re-read the conversation from the night before. He didn’t understand why or how, but Tony’s words just – inebriated him, and by re-reading them, he was put under his spell all over again.

I need to see you, he said.

Not want. Not would like. Need. The word choice wasn’t lost on Peter, but he wondered if he was reading too much into it, if maybe Tony just said the first thing that came to mind without giving it much thought. But it couldn’t be casual, could it? Nobody would say they needed something casually.

Right?

He pictured the older man holding him close, whispering in his ear, “I need to see you”, until, somehow, in his imagination, words got lost somewhere and it became, “I need you”. Peter shivered just thinking about it. He was sure his voice would exude power and confidence, he just knew it, he wouldn’t be able to resist Tony’s commands, and yet–

Please.

He asked nicely. Peter was hyper-aware of the fact that the word “please” had an unreasonable and slightly concerning effect on him, he should probably talk to someone about that, but it just did. It fucking did. Tony could have demanded whatever he wanted – and embarrassingly, Peter would have probably said yes. He could have been an asshole about it, pushy, like some other people were, but no. He was…

I’ll treat you right.

Peter never stood a chance, he realized, sighing, letting his phone fall off his hand and onto the bed. That man knew exactly what he was doing, didn’t he? Peter wondered if he was that transparent, if anyone who talked to him for more than five minutes could see how needy he was, how badly he craved affection. If so, how embarrassing was that? A touch-starved porn star with feelings?

Ex-porn star, his brain supplied, and Peter rolled his eyes at himself. But still, technically, he was not a porn star anymore, he was more like… A model. A social media influencer? An adult entertainer. He could settle for that.

He picked his phone back up and looked at the chat, re-reading their conversation from the night before, over and over again. At least it didn’t seem like he thought Peter was a hooker – well, he hadn’t offered money, so Peter assumed he meant it as a casual meeting, not a business transaction. Nothing else has to happen, he promised. Nobody would ask a hooker out not expecting anything else to happen.

Right?

While he freaked out wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into, his phone beeped and vibrated in his hand, as he got a notification saying he had a text from an unknown number. He frowned, because not a lot of people had his number, but when he opened the text message, his heart dropped to his stomach.

“Hey, babe, it’s Quent. I saw you unblocked me on Instagram. Can we talk?”

He felt immediately dizzy, his vision blurred and his hands shook. His only reaction was to throw the phone as far away from him as he could, as if it was on fire. His throat closed up and breathing became harder, he thought he might suffocate, as he sat up on the bed and tried to take deep breaths. Deep breaths. Tried not to get lost in his –

“I can’t do this anymore, Pete,” was the first thing he said the minute the younger man walked out of the en suite bathroom, drying his hair with a towel.

“Do what?” He asked, confused, tilting his head to the side. He watched as Beck slowly got out of bed and walked to him. Peter noticed he wasn’t naked anymore, he had put on some pants and a t-shirt. He blinked a few times, trying to make sense of the situation.

“This. Us.” He gestured between them and Peter stared at him for a few seconds, as the words flew around in his head, refusing to provide any meaning. After a couple of minutes, he laughed weakly, even though his eyes burned and his chest felt crushed. Beck’s expression remained impassive.

“You’re joking, right?” Even as he asked that, he knew in his heart that he wasn’t. His face fell when Beck simply shook his head. “Quent… What...” He didn’t even know what to say, what to ask. He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair, trying to stop his eyes from watering, Beck hated it when he cried for no reason. “Listen, let’s just – let’s just talk about this, I’m sure–“

“There’s nothing to talk about, Peter, I’ve made up my mind. I’m sorry.” He took the two steps that separated them and ran a hand down the younger man’s wet cheek and Peter grasped it desperately, as if it could make him stay. “You’re immature, needy and quite frankly… a little boring for someone who gets fucked for a living.”

“I can do better, Quent, I can change, please don’t – don’t leave me,” he begged quietly, voice cracking, barely audible over the sound of his own sobs. Beck winced, pulling his hand away.“Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, please… Please, don’t leave me...” He shut his eyes tightly, trying to wake up from that nightmare. Just a few minutes earlier, everything was fine, they filmed a scene, Beck told him to get in the shower and the minute he walked back into the bedroom everything went to shit, how the fuck did that happen?

“This is exactly what I’m talking about, Peter. Look at you, listen to yourself right now. It’s… Pathetic.” He looked at him like he was the saddest sight he had ever seen, a mixture of pity and disgust, annoyance and impatience. Peter remembered a time when he looked at him like he was precious, like he was the most important person in the world… What went wrong? Where did he fuck up? How could he fix it?

“Quent, I-I – you’re all I–“

“That’s the problem, Pete,” he scoffed, shaking his head with an incredulous smile on his face. “I’m tired of being your everything, it’s exhausting. You’re exhausting.” He leaned against the wall next to the bedroom’s door, as Peter freaked out just a few feet away, thinking he was having an actual heart attack from how bad hearing that fucking hurt. “I don’t love you anymore.”

He was pulled from his memories when the doorbell rang and his heart jumped. Could it be him at the door? He couldn’t have found him, he had no idea where Ned and MJ lived – hell, he had no idea where Peter went, he didn’t even bother to ask. For all he knew, Peter could be living on the streets. He knew he had no money, no family, and he didn’t fucking care, he just fucking kicked him out, he barely gave him time to pack all of his things, his eyes were cold, arms crossed over his chest as he waited impatiently for Peter to leave. And he begged and kept begging, and–

Fuck, he was losing it. He was going back to that dark place he had barely crawled out from just weeks earlier.

He took a deep, calming breath and shook his head, trying to get his emotions under control. It was not Beck at the door. He had no way of finding him, and Peter knew he wouldn’t even try to. The only reason he had to contact him was probably a job. He knew a lot of people in the porn industry would still try to book him through Beck, since he was his agent for so long. That was obviously the reason he was trying to reach out. Money. As always. That was all.

So he took another deep breath and walked slowly to the front door. When he checked the peephole, Ned and MJ were casually standing outside, talking to each other like nothing was wrong in the world. He didn’t think twice and yanked the door open.

“Get dressed, loser, we’re going– what the fuck!?” MJ’s eyes almost jumped out of their sockets once she took a look at him. He knew he must look like garbage, he had no idea how he was even standing on his own two feet, he felt like his whole body was falling to pieces. He threw his arms around Ned, who was closest to him, and the older boy just pulled him close and let him bury his face in his neck, not missing a beat.

“Shh, it’s ok, buddy. Everything’s fine now.” He rubbed his back gently and Peter cried a little harder, a mixture of relief, sadness and regret filling his chest, leaving him confused and exhausted all at once. “Come on, let’s sit down for a minute. MJ, bring him some water, will you?” He pushed him lightly inside the apartment and directed him to the only piece of furniture in the living room, crouching down in front of him as MJ rummaged his tiny kitchen. “You ok, man?”

“I’m ok, I’m ok. It’s just… one of those days.” He forced a smile, trying to dry his face with the collar of his shirt. He didn’t want to tell them that Beck had tried to reach out, it would only cause them to worry unnecessarily. They were the ones who had convinced him to block his number, even if Peter insisted Beck would never call.

MJ hurried back from the kitchen and thrust a glass of water in his face, seeming a little nervous and completely out of her element. He realized that it was probably the first time they ever saw him in such bad shape, he didn’t have the energy to try to put up a strong front for them, which he always did, ever since he was a ten-year old boy. They had seen him cry before, of course, just probably not like that. Peter felt like shit and he knew he looked like it, too.

He drank the water that was offered to him just to have an excuse not to talk for a few seconds, as he tried to cool down and get himself back under control. MJ was fidgeting, standing beside Ned who was sitting on the floor, rubbing Peter’s knees comfortingly.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Ned asked, squeezing his leg, and he shook his head firmly.

“No, thanks. I’m fine, really. Did you have plans for today?” He looked at his friends and noticed they both had their jackets on and looked ready to go out. It was, after all, a sunny Saturday morning. “I’ll go get dressed right now.” He tried to get up from the armchair but MJ placed a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, we can stay in, if you want.” She assured him, still looking a little freaked out, which was funny to watch. She was never very good at comforting people.

“No, that’s stupid, come on,” He got up, forcing Ned to do the same, and headed to the bedroom, but the older boy grabbed his arm before he could go too far.

“Don’t worry, c’mon, let’s go down to our apartment, at least we have a couch.”

Peter wanted to insist that he was okay to go out, but if he was honest with himself, he was... not okay. To do anything. And he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts.

So he just nodded at his friends and followed them downstairs. Back at their place, he plopped down on the couch with MJ next to him, as Ned headed for the kitchen. He came back with ice cream and three spoons and Peter smiled weakly, appreciating the gesture.

“So… Bad day?” Ned asked sympathetically as Peter pretended to focus on the frozen desert.

“Bad day,” he answered, simply, with a small smile on his face, and his friend nodded in understanding.

“Did something happen or…?” He insisted and Peter stuffed his mouth with enough ice-cream to give himself a brain freeze, just so he could avoid talking for a while. He shrugged.

“No, just… Memories.”

“Of course,” MJ scoffed, as she stabbed the ice-cream with her spoon. “That asshole. I can’t believe he gets to be your first love. That fucking sucks.” Peter was sure MJ didn’t mean to make him feel bad – or rather, worse – but he hadn’t even thought about that yet. The fact that Beck was his first love. His first everything, really. Nothing could ever change that fact. He swallowed the lump in his throat with a spoonful of chocolate chip ice-cream. “Don’t worry, one day you’ll find a decent man who will show you what a healthy relationship looks like, you know. That perv deprived you of even that.” MJ shook her head and Peter sighed, wincing.

“I don’t think I can find a decent man, MJ,” he mumbled, looking down at the ice-cream pint. “I’m a certified whore now. Imagine Prince Charming googling my name and finding my gang bang video, or the fisting one.” He scoffed, shaking his head. He didn’t dare to look up at his friends, he played with the melting ice-cream and shrugged. “I’m sorry for the mental image.” His face was burning red, he hated to talk about his videos with them, but they needed a reality check. He was pretty sure they never watched the videos, so they had no idea how bad the situation was.

“Good thing you’re not looking for Prince Charming, then, Cinderella.” She rolled her eyes. “You need a man who understands that sex is just sex, it doesn’t matter how many people you slept with, or if it was filmed or not. Besides, it was just a fucking job, like any other, people use their bodies to work. Writers use their hands, waiters use their legs, you used your ass, so-fucking-what?” MJ argued and she genuinely seemed to believe her own words, which made Peter laugh a little and feel relieved that his friend didn’t think badly of him. That made one of them.

The thing was, it was a beautiful speech, big words, great ideas, but none of it meant anything because it wasn’t real. He believed MJ thought like that, but most people didn’t. Most people would look at him differently knowing he used to do porn and knowing that he still did solo stuff on Just4Fans. They would think it was fine to fantasize about him, it was fine to jerk off to him, maybe it would even be fine to have sex with him casually, but have a serious relationship with him? Probably not.

He must have been distracted for a while and jumped up a little when he felt Ned’s hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, dude. Not everyone is that narrow-minded, you know. At the end of the day, it’s just porn. A lot of people do it, even more people watch it, it’s not that big of a deal.” Ned shrugged and Peter looked at him a little surprised. He didn’t look freaked out at all by what he said earlier, which – he didn’t think he would be rude or anything, he just didn’t expect him to be so cool about it.

He smiled at him and nodded.

Peter spent the rest of the day at their place and gradually started feeling a little more like himself, a little calmer. His head hurt from such a rough morning, but having his friends by his side helped a lot. They had pizza for lunch and binge watched a sitcom for seven hours straight, which helped keep all the intrusive thoughts at bay. Well, mostly.

When he got home that night, he picked up his phone that was still lying on the floor. The screen was cracked, but at least it was still working. He quickly blocked Beck’s Instagram and his new number before he could think twice about it, and only then did he notice there was a message from Tony waiting for him, from a few hours earlier.

“Hey, gorgeous. How’s your day? I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Can’t wait to see you.”

For some weird reason, reading that message soothed him. It should have freaked him out, sent him over the edge again, but it didn’t. He had forgotten all about the fact that he agreed to meet Tony, but he was glad he did. He felt exhausted from all the emotions he had to deal with all day long and he thought he didn’t want to do anything but sleep it off, but talking to Tony sounded like an even better idea somehow.

“Not so good, I’m a little tired, but I’ll survive. How was yours, daddy?”

He wasn’t surprised when he got an answer right away.

“I’m sorry to hear that, kitten. I’d give you a foot rub if I was there, would that help?” Peter couldn’t help but smile at that message, which was a little shocking to him, he thought he had lost the ability to do that hours ago.

“That would help a lot, daddy.” He sighed, rolling onto his side, burying himself under the covers. “I wish you were here.” He didn’t expect to mean it so much, not when he was talking to a virtual stranger, but Tony had such a weird effect on him when they talked. Peter felt like he knew him, like they were intimate, like he was safe. And none of that made any sense, but he couldn’t help it.

“I wish I were there, too. I’d take good care of you.” Fuck, and he kept saying those things. Those beautiful things that made his stomach turn and his head hurt and his heart go wild. He was so fucked. “Dinner’s still up? Does Thursday night work for you?”

“Thursday works fine. I’m just a little nervous.” He curled on his side, looking closely at the cracked screen. Immediately, Tony started typing an answer.

“Please don’t be, sweetheart, I promise you’ll have a good time. We’ll have a nice meal, some fine wine, a good talk. What’s not to like?” That was exactly what Peter thought the previous night, and it had made perfect sense in his head. When he woke up, though, it didn’t sound reasonable at all. And now there he was, hypnotized again by Tony’s charm.

“I don’t know.” He bit his lip, wondering if he should say what he wanted to say or if it would be weird.

“Then, please, don’t worry. You can leave at any second if you don’t feel comfortable.”

“Okay.” He replied, worrying his bottom lip, working up the nerve to say what was on his mind. “Look, you know I’m not, like… a prostitute, right? Nor an escort. I just post dirty pictures online, which might be misleading, but I’m not a sex worker. I hope you know that.” There, he said it. He held his breath as he waited for Tony’s answer, who kept typing for what felt like ages.

“To be completely honest, no, I was not sure, and I didn’t want to offend you by asking, but this changes nothing. I didn’t ask to meet you for that, I hope you know. I just really need to see you in person. I like talking to you here, but I’d love to hear your voice, see your smile, make you laugh. I promise I have no ulterior motives.”

“Oh, you’re good.” Peter joked lightly, because it seemed like Tony always knew what to say to wrap him around his little finger.

“I am, baby, I promise. You’ll see.”

He was pretty sure he had heard similar promises before, beautiful words without any meaning. Still, for some reason, it wasn’t hard to believe him.

-x-

Tag list (please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the list): @sadachmesarthim @iamnotparticularlyproud

#starker #peter parker x tony stark

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wonwhomps · 4 years

Text

Warming You Up

➻ Warnings: Language // Mentions of blood // Scientific, criminology and medical inaccuracies

➻ Words: 10.1k

➻ Genre: Angst // Romance // Humor

➻ Pairings: Jeon Wonwoo x Female Reader

➻ Summary: Heart is freezing. Arm is bleeding. You yearn for warmth. He needs to heal. Are you each other’s cure? You need to hold on.

She looked pretty.

She's beautiful.

Woah, what's her diet?

It's nothing new hearing whispers about how intimidating you look, how good you look, and how perfect you are. Little did they know, behind this face is a person longing for a warm embrace. You craved for love and even if you know it won't work, you're doing everything to make it last. You're cold inside and you badly wanted to make it warm, sacrificing everything you worked hard for.

Wearing a red turtleneck partnered with black jeans, a black 3-inch heels, and a black dress coat that protects you from the cold wind, you made your way to the place where your recent relationship started—the park.

It's illuminated with fairy lights stringed at every tree branches, fireflies are also flying around the place making it seem more magical than it already is, but you know more than that. This is not a magical moment every kid dreamed of. This is about facing the reality that you keep on denying for about 2 months now.

You held the strap of your black shoulder bag tightly and inhaled sharply as the silhouette of your boyfriend approaches you. You stood still until he reaches you.

You could see his breath vapor as he sighed in front of you. It's cold.

Before he could even open his mouth to say something, you held his hands and started sobbing. "S-stay, please."

He clicked his tongue. "So it's true, you're going to give everything just to make your boyfriend stay. You must be out of your mind," said your boyfriend before he harshly tugged his hands back out of your hold.

You felt your heart freeze. No.

You tried to think of other things to say to make him stay even just for another day. You don't want to feel cold again. Being with him helped you feel a glimpse of the one you craved—warmth. It's not enough to make you feel completely warm but you had no other choice.

Cold wind is gushing by making you shiver more than you already are. Your heart is shouting and begging to feel warmth. It's slowly starting to make your legs weak causing you to place your hand on his arm for support but he thinks otherwise. He jerked your hand off of his arm making you stumble and fall on the cold ground.

"We're done here. I only dated you for sex anyway and you didn't even give me a taste. How could you ask me for staying when you couldn't even give me what I want."

You shake your head. "N-no, don't leave me. I--", you held your chest tightly hoping it would help ease the ache it gives. "U-use m-me..."

He looked over you with disgust. "You need help," is what he said before he left you shivering and hurt on the cold floor.

Thump.

Your heart is slowly killing you. You didn't understand how weak you are every time this things happen. You felt small and you hate it. It seems like you've ran out of tears, you wanted to cry but you can't.

Fireflies are flying over your head. You tried reaching one, letting your hand stay mid-air. Thoughts filled in your mind like if you have died earlier, none of this would have happened and that you won't feel any more pain. If only you didn't wish for another life you could've been by your mother's side right now. But you wished. You lived. You hurt. You're cold. "I-i am cold," you said trying to hug yourself to warm your freezing body. You looked up in the sky and there you saw the first snow fall of the year. You didn't even bother standing up, you gave up.

You're running out of breath until you felt a pair of arms wrapping you with a warm cloth that you think belongs to the person in front of you. You heard them sigh. "Miss, are you here because you want to suffer hypothermia? It's freezing out here what were you thinking?" You looked up to see a handsome man maybe around the same age as you, but what caught you off-guard is how close your faces are. You looked away out of embarrassment. You heard him clear his throat. "Let me take you to the nearest hospital, you look awful."

Surprised, you looked back at him and saw him staring at you raising an eye brow. That's the first time you ever heard someone say you're awful. You didn't feel insulted at all.

He stood up, dusting off the snow on his pants before offering his hand to help you stand up. However, you just looked on his hand because you can't even move your hands at this point. "What? You can't stand?," he said. You shook your head slowly. He huffed before kneeling down. He placed his arm around your back and hoisted you up so that he can place another arm around your knee before completely lifting you up. You automatically encircled your arms around his shoulders for support.

You heard him mutter a curse. "Looks can definitely kill," he said before heading to the hospital which happens to be just around the corner. He tried starting a conversation with you but you feel light-headed and it seems like for every second passing by, you're slowly losing your consciousness.

He felt your head fall on his chest and he lets out a sigh of relief when he reached the hospital just in time. Nurses motioned him to place you on the bed and they started checking your vitals. They gave you IV fluids to replenish the amount of water your body had lost.

"The patient worked herself up. She needs to be given IV fluids because she's dehydrated. I suggest to stay by her side for a moment because this kid right here has Trypanophobia."

He looked at the doctor. "How did you know she's afraid of injections?"

"Y/n's always here for the same reason," the doctor pats his shoulder before leaving.

He went to the nurses' desk and told them he would be back. He went out to find a convenience store to buy some food. While waiting in line to pay, he remembered seeing you getting busted by your boyfriend, he thought. How could a man like him leave a lady like her? What a jerk. He was back to reality when someone tapped his shoulder.

"Uhm... H-hi! Could we take a picture?"

He raised an eye brow before saying, "Uh, no sorry." After that, he paid what he bought and went straight back to the hospital. He waved a hand to the nurses before entering your room just to see you staring right at him.

"I thought you have Trypanophobia? Did you panic when you saw the needles?," he asked while you still stare directly at him.

"Yeah, I did. I shouted... Ah!," you said sarcastically. You heard him snickered then you realized this man beside you is a complete stranger but it doesn't feel awkward at all. Clearing your throat, "What's your name?," you asked.

He sat on the stool beside your bed and showed you a paper bag full of edible foods. "I figured you wouldn't want to eat hospital food. Here you go, Y/n! Eat the sandwich first while it's still warm.

Hearing your name, you looked at him confused. You raised an eye brow, indirectly asking the question to how did he know your name, which he immediately caught and proudly answered, "I just know," with a smirk curving in his lips. "Eat it up, you look indecent and a living dead," he said while unwrapping the sandwich before handing it over to you.

You took it and slowly munch on it. You feel uncomfortable since he's just staring at you while you're trying to feed yourself with a sandwich. "You eat like a hamster. You're now a zombie hamster," he said while trying his best not to laugh in which you returned with a deadly glare. He stopped laughing and motioned you to continue eating. "By the way, you owe me. I ditched my friends tonight because I pity seeing you freezing to death outside. I am a very helpful person that's why and being handsome just adds up to it," he said.

He saw you rolled your eyes and that made him smile. "You're too full of yourself, you didn't even answer my question earlier. I'll only believe you know everything if you give me a valid answer." He tilted his head while looking at you.

"I know it. It's written in my blood."

Silence filled the room. Only the sound of the AC is heard and you just stared at him, totally confused. "You're joking, right?"

He shrugged, "Yeah, probably."

He accompanied you for an hour until he has to bid farewell and call it a night. You did not know he already left since you were sound asleep and he didn't want to wake you up from your rest so he left silently, leaving a piece of note on the bedside cabinet.

I hope we meet again zombie hamster. , Wonwoo The next morning, you were discharged and you paid your hospital bills. A nurse handed you your things that are placed on the cabinet including a piece of paper that you just tossed inside your shoulder bag.

"Y/n, I hope you never come back here. It's not that we don't want to see you, but knowing that you're here only means that you're sick and you need medication. Start thinking about yourself for once and set aside the unnecessary things. Don't let your heart control you, fight it."

You flashed a small smile and nodded at Dr. Yoon. He is right, I should think about myself for once but am I not taking care of myself since I only did these things to help my freezing heart? Before leaving you gave them a smile and waved your hand to them. You hailed a cab and gave them your address. You just want to take a bath and lay down on your bed all day wearing your favorite pajamas, watching Netflix while eating bananas.

Wonwoo woke up from a deep sleep while catching his breath. He looked over at his blanket feeling something wet.

"Shit!"

It happened again, he thought. Rushing to his bathroom, he carefully folded his bloody long sleeves revealing a written statement with his blood on his arm. He muttered a curse from the pain while reading it. He positioned his affected arm at the sink and slowly cleans it, wincing from the pain.

He washed his face afterwards and faced the mirror. He attempted to steady his breathing but he failed. He quickly went back to his bedroom, discarding the stained blanket on the laundry and grabbing his notebook and a pen.

'xxxx cafe'

It has been 3 weeks since his first encounter with you, 2 months since his blood wrote your name and a month since he discovered you were somewhat related to his life. In his notebook, a list of the things his blood wrote on his arm was noted. From your name down to the places you might go, he don't know the real reason behind those places but when he found you at the park, it gave him a hint that these are the places you will fall or experience pains.

It's snowing heavily but you still have to go outside to meet your client and talk about the designs they want for their house. You prepared your things and wore a white formal sweater partnered with denim jeans and black boots ending just below your knees. You took a bite on your sandwich and grabbed your dress jacket before leaving.

You arrived at the cafe your client suggested and started to look for them. You received a text message that they will arrive a bit late because of traffic so you sat on the corner of the cafe while scanning their menu.

You felt a presence in front of you and before looking up a glass of water was splashed right on your face.

"Fuck you! So you're the one my husband will meet today even if it's snowing real hard. Stop being a bitch and how dare you seduce a married man!?"

You were running out of breath as you look into the woman's eyes. You felt your chest tightened. You don't know what is she talking about. You didn't seduce anyone, you are here to meet a client not a married man. The woman didn't get satisfied with just splashing you a glass of water. She went near you and grabbed your hair, forcing you to look up. "M-ma'am, you're hurting me. Please, stop." You tried removing her hand but she grabbed it even tighter making you cry in pain.

She kept yelling about how fucked up you are seducing his husband and being a desperate woman who just wants to be fucked. The customers inside the cafe just stared at you in disgust, believing all the lies this woman is saying.

"No wonder she looked rich and pretty, she must have been seducing every rich man to make her way up."

Hearing all those whispers, your heart started clenching and a tint of coldness once again sparked. You didn't know where to focus, to your heart or to her hand grabbing your hair. The cafe's door opened and a man entered making his way to your direction.

"He is probably the husband."

They were right. The man took off his wife's hand off of you and gave you an apologetic smile for causing you trouble. Your heart is beating faster than normal and makes it even harder to breathe. You tried asking for help but they didn't even bother asking you what's wrong.

They are so quick to judge.

You started feeling light-headed and you could feel your heart slowly freezing. You whispered a curse. Holding your chest tightly, you tried to stand up but your legs suddenly became weak causing you to fall on the wooden floor. Customers looked over you, some gasped and looked surprised but some didn't bother looking at all. You tugged your jacket in your body hoping it would help make your heart feel warmth but it didn't. You once again called out for help, but no one even budge. If my heart will completely freeze I wish to hug my soulmate even if it's our first and last, you thought.

Wonwoo was caught up in a company meeting. He was anxious the whole time that he didn't even understand a thing. He checked his wrist watch and a sigh of relief escaped his lips because there's only 2 minutes left before the meeting is adjourned.

He didn't even bother removing his glasses as he made his way to the cafe he saw earlier on his arm. It was just a walking distance from their building. He didn't know why but he felt like running, so he did.

He reached the cafe while catching his breath. He saw something weird, customers were all looking to the left corner of the cafe and whispering some things. Looking at where the rest was eyeing, he recognized it was you. He ran quickly to you and hugged your trembling body on the floor. He hears your muffled sobs as you try to ease the pain your heart is giving you.

"Shh... Y/n, it's okay. I'm here now. Shh..." he said trying to calm you down.

He placed his head above yours and tightly hugged you as you still tremble. You were freezing, he was sure of that.

Before he came you could feel it. Your heart was almost fully frozen. It aches so bad you can't even cry and what hurts more is that the people around you didn't even bother helping you. But when he came, you were confused. Why does it feel warm? Where is this warmth coming from? His embrace made you calm and helped you even out your breathing. He continued hugging you until he felt your body relaxing. He made you face him. "Let's get you out of here," he said and you just nodded in response.

Wonwoo decided to bring you to his house after he noticed that your clothes are wet. You were already shivering from the cold so wearing wet clothes will just worsen it. He motioned you to sit down on the sofa while he grabs one of his shirts to replace your wet sweater. You explored your eyes around his living area and you could say that he's a very clean person and he's got the nice choice of set of furniture and designs in his home. You saw a frame with him on it and the woman beside him is his mother, you assumed and capsule caught your attention. It was placed on the coffee table beside the frame. You were about to get it but you heard him clear his throat that made you startle.

"H-here you go. The bathroom's over there," he said trying his best not to look at you, pointing his finger to where the bathroom is located. You get the shirt from his hand and followed the direction of his finger pointing to his bathroom.

Entering the bathroom, you gaped when you faced the mirror. "That's why he wasn't looking at me," you whispered while looking at yourself. Due to the water that was thrown at you, your bra was showing through your wet sweater. You quickly changed your sweater to his gray shirt that ends on your thighs, making it looked like you were wearing a short dress shirt.

Wonwoo prepared two cups of coffee while you change your clothes. He couldn't help but blush when he saw you at the living room earlier. "Fuck you," he whispered for himself. He didn't know he was already pouring the hot water on the wrong direction until you guided his hand on the cup and said, "Cup's over here." And that time Wonwoo swore time has stopped. He was startled by your sudden appearance.

You sat on the chair and placed your elbows at the table while you admire his back. You saw him stir the coffee before placing it in front of you and sat opposite you. You clutch the mug to feel the warmth of the coffee.

"I wanted to ask you if you're alright, but I already have an answer to that. So, do you want to talk it out?," he cleared his throat and sipped on his coffee.

"It's weird. I actually thought it's the end for me earlier," you sighed. "I'm there to meet a client but an enraged woman confronted me instead." You looked into his eyes.

"It's been a while, Wonwoo."

He almost choked on his coffee when you said his name. "I thought you wouldn't see the note I left at the hospital. Glad to meet you again," he gave you a small smile.

The room was silent until you said something. "Could I tell you something? I haven't told anyone of this and I feel comfortable with you, that's why."

Wonwoo nodded, "I'm all ears."

You didn't want to continue at first but you eventually started talking. "I... I have a freezing heart. Whenever I feel weak and defeated, I could feel it's slowly beginning to freeze. I have suffered from it ever since the day my mother died and lately, I figured having a companion helps it feel warm enough to stop it from completely freezing," you placed your hand on your chest, "But earlier it was thawed and I feel warm," you looked down. You were confused and tried to figure out what happened earlier but you can't.

"The reason why I always look for a lover is because I want to survive. I couldn't live the life I wanted because of this heart. I didn't ask for having too many relationships, but it's the only way I would live."

Wonwoo just stared at you while listening to your words. So that's why he saw you at the park that night, you were completely shivering. If he arrived behind time, it would've been too late. Speaking of time, Wonwoo realized that it's already past their noon break. He asked you if you wanted to go home so he would hail a cab. "Could I stay for awhile?," you asked which made him stilled. Wonwoo nodded and made his way to the front door. "There are snacks in the cupboard!," is what he said before closing the door.

You stood up and washed the mugs before heading back to the living room. There are 2 more doors near the bathroom and you assumed are his room and a guest room. You sat down and leaned back on the sofa and pondered for a bit. "Sooner or later I have to find him again. Miracles like this won't always happen," you said to yourself while holding your chest.

You have slept on the sofa for an hour and when you looked at the clock it's already 4 o'clock. You remembered Wonwoo mentioned there are snacks in the cupboard, so you went and started searching for food. You also checked his fridge and found ingredients for soup. You're not the best at cooking, but you still want to make him food as a way to say thank you for letting you rest in his place.

When Wonwoo entered the house, his stomach rumbles from the aroma of your dish. "You didn't have to, you know," he said approaching you before sitting on the island chair. You scooped a soup and placed it on a bowl before giving it to him, "I wanted to cook for you to say thanks." He gladly accepted it and silently started eating it. "Why aren't you eating?"

"I already ate a little and I was just waiting for you so I could say that I'm going home," you said before drinking a water. Wonwoo quickly finished his soup, "Let me take you home."

You just nodded in response. It wasn't that far for you to take a cab home but Wonwoo insisted to ride a cab since it was snowing hard. Inside the cab, you just stare at the window and watched the snow fall. Wonwoo, however, was lost in thought.

Earlier at their office, his arm started bleeding again so he immediately went to the comfort room and looked at it to read the written words, but there's nothing being written. It just bled for no reason. His heart was beating fast and he didn't know what was happening. Normally, his arm would bleed because something is being written related about you, but there was none. He yelped in pain when water touched his arm.

"We're here."

Wonwoo looked over you and saw you unbuckling your seatbelt. He raised an eye brow. "I said we have arrived," you said to him before taking your wallet to pay the cab. Wonwoo got his wallet quickly and paid it before you. You were about to contest but he cut you off.

"Go inside now, don't forget to wear warm clothes," he pat your head, "We'll meet again, Y/n."

You didn't know why but your cheeks have flushed red when he pat your head. You thought it's maybe because of the cold.

Before going back home, Wonwoo dropped by a pharmacy and bought medicine. He felt like he's losing so much blood just from today's events. He would still figure out the reason behind his bleeding earlier. "There's nothing written, it's just bleeding," he whispered to himself.

You laid in bed and just stare at your ceiling. Holding your chest, how you wish you would always get lucky for having a warm heart instead of freezing one. A sigh escaped your lips before closing your eyes and dozing off to sleep.

You feel at ease when you didn't experience any signs of your illness for almost a week. Things were running smoothly and you're genuinely happy to yourself. Walking down the road, you stopped by a bakery and bought different types of pastries. You spared your day-off to pay a visit at the hospital because it's already been a month and every time you came here over and over again for the same reason, you became close with almost everyone working there.

You entered the building and you head straight to the reception area where you saw Dr. Lee signing some papers. The nurses noticed you and immediately gave you a smile and a wave that caught Dr. Yoon's attention. "Good morning. Good morning, Dr. Yoon!," you said with a grin while you placed the pastries on the reception table. "It's Jeonghan for you, you're here not as our patient anyway," said Dr. Yoon while his eyes formed a smile when he saw the foods you bought.

"Guys, get some! I dropped by the bakery before going here. It must've been a bit surprising seeing me visit with no intentions of getting medical help," you laughed.

The nurses and Dr. Yoon looked over you. "We're proud, don't worry," Dr. Yoon smiled. "How's your heart? Still freezing?"

Remembering how it didn't give any signs of possible freezing for almost a week, you placed your hand on your chest. "I actually didn't experience anything for a week now. I think it's back to normal... I really hope so," you answered.

Dr. Yoon nodded before stuffing his mouth with bagels. "Dr. Yoon, the patient on room 217 has woken up," you heard the nurse. Dr. Yoon immediately swallowed his food before turning over you.

"Ah, right! Your friend is here, the one who brought you here a month ago. He suffered from mild concussion, but he was treated already. Do you want to tag along? I was about to check up on him anyway."

Your eyes widened when he mentioned Wonwoo. You have already formulated questions in your head on the way to his room, but Dr. Yoon advised you to avoid asking him questions since he's still resting.

You saw a cold press head bandage around his head when you followed behind Dr. Yoon. He was already awake and you saw him looking straight at you, not even bothering to look at his doctor, and you didn't know why your heart has suddenly beat fast. You just stand at one corner of the room while Dr. Yoon checked his vitals. "You're all good now, Wonwoo. You just have to rest for another hour and you're good to go," said Dr. Yoon before going over you and pats your shoulder. "I'll leave you two now."

You suddenly panicked when you saw Dr. Yoon leave the room.

"You're just going to stand there?"

Your head immediately went to look over Wonwoo who was already raising his brow. "I, uhm, I visited them today and Jeonghan happened to tell me that you're here. That's why I'm now here," you didn't even know why you're suddenly explaining to him.

"So you were already on the first name basis with Dr. Yoon, huh."

You heard him muttered something. "What was that?," you asked while walking towards the stool to take a seat beside his bed.

"Nothing," he shrugged.

You stared at him for a moment before asking a question. You couldn't help it. "What happened to you?" Wonwoo looked at you before sighing.

"I slipped on the bathroom floor," he honestly said.

You wanted to laugh but it would just make you childish. You also felt worried for him because if you didn't, you wouldn't even bother going here on the first place.

"That sucks."

Wonwoo raised his eyebrow. "Yeah, it does." He tried to leave the bed and you quickly held his arm to stop him but he when you touched his left arm, he winced in pain. You were surprised so you immediately removed your hand and you saw a bandage covering his arm with red stains visibly seen. Blood. You tried to touch it again but Wonwoo stopped you.

"It's fine. I'm fine," you heard his heavy breaths in between.

You wanted to know the reason behind it but you remembered to not ask him too many questions. Maybe next time, you thought. You stayed silent for 5 minutes, waiting for him to even out his breath. You were so close to yawning but you heard him talk.

"Y/n, let's talk," is what he said while looking at the ceiling. Remembering that he was supposed to be resting, you said, "You need to rest though. I'll wait for you here, it's my free day anyway." Wonwoo looked at your eyes.

"No, it's okay. Talking to you helps me rest completely."

You felt your heart beats fast and your cheeks suddenly warms. You avoided his gaze at first before clearing a lump on your throat. "Uhm, okay. How are you... I mean, how are you last week? We haven't meet after you sent me home and it's been a week. Did you miss me?," you jokingly asked.

Wonwoo just stared at you and you suddenly felt anxious. Is there something on my face, you thought. "Don't ask me two questions at the same time," is what he said. You raised your eyebrows, "But you always ask me two questions at once," you silently said.

"I have been confused... until now," he said. You leaned over his bed railing and placed your hand under your chin for support. "Me too."

He is still looking at you then you suddenly saw him leaning forward. You closed your eyes when you felt his lips on your forehead. You slowly opened your eyes when you didn't feel his lips anymore and saw him looking on the other side, his cheeks slightly stained with pink.

"I missed you, I guess."

Thump.

You forgot to move for a moment. Wonwoo closed his eyes trying to avoid your stare.

"Remember when you told me something about your heart? I... I have something similar," you heard him say while his eyes are still closed. "It's my blood. It has been my concern for almost half a year now. My arm would suddenly bleed at every unexpected situations including earlier. When I woke up, my arm was bleeding so much I ran quickly towards my bathroom but I slipped. Luckily, I have my friends over for the night. That's why I happened to be lying here on this bed, instead of my cold tiles."

"I thought I already figured it out, but it turns out I'm nowhere near of solving its cause and origin. That's why I was so confused for the past week," you see him sighed before slowly opening his eyes.

You have no idea that he was also suffering from something. You even thought that maybe you're not the only one who's also suffering from something unexplainable. "I wonder if we would survive," you whispered.

"Don't you have anything to say?"

You also opened up how it's already been a week but your heart is still completely fine and warm. "I don't know why, but I just took it for granted. I'm also starting to think that maybe my time will already come that's why they're already making me live like a normal person," you said.

"We just need to hold on, I guess."

You inhaled a deep breath before slowly nodding your head. You didn't expect to fall asleep on your arms until you heard a knock on the door. You also saw Wonwoo who lazily opened his eyes while trying to remove his head bandage. He probably fell asleep too, you thought.

"Patient 217 or should I say Wonwoo, you can now go home. Your bills were already paid," said Dr. Yoon. "I see both of you had a very long chat, it's already 4 o'clock in the afternoon," Dr. Yoon smirked.

You tried to help him stand up but he declined. You just rolled your eyes. "He clearly needs help, but he rejected it. What a man!," you said to yourself.

When you reached the lobby, Wonwoo grabbed your arm.

"Give me your number, it's not like we're strangers to each other."

You scoffed but you still gave it anyway.

He offered to take you to a fast-food restaurant because he's starving and not because you haven't eaten yet. "I know a place, let's grab a food," you were about to decline but...

"It's not for you, I'm hungry." You have no other choice but to follow him.

Wonwoo went to the counter to buy food while you wait to your table. You let your eyes explore the place and you felt anxious seeing almost every customer are couples. You cleared your throat when you saw Wonwoo approaching your table with two burgers and drinks placed on the tray.

"You didn't have to. I wasn't hungry-," you lied.

"Who told you it's for you? These are mine."

Your eyes widened in embarrassment so you looked elsewhere.

"I'm just kidding. Eat up, I know you're also hungry."

You didn't listen to him at first but you intestines think otherwise. You chat for a moment until you both emptied out your drinks and it was then time to bid goodbye. His address is on the other direction so you both walked the opposite ways. You find it helpful how both of you are just blocks away and of course, the snow is falling lightly today that's why you didn't need to ride a cab home. You were almost near your home when you heard your phone ring.

Unknown:

'I'm one call away or should I say block away. Don't forget to wear warm clothes.'

'We'll meet again, beautiful.'

Your lips formed a smile and you could feel your cheeks burn before entering your house.

To Wonwoo:

'Looking forward to that. :)'

It was a busy day in his work. Wonwoo was occupied for a week due to some minor problems to their company and to his luck, his team was slightly involved. That's why he was only going home to sleep then leave for work on the next day.

To beautiful hamster: I want to quit, Y/n. :(

Even though his schedule was packed, he didn't forget to send you a message at least once a day. He has no other reasons, he just wants to talk to you even through chat.

From beautiful hamster: You're a loser then. Don't be such a baby!

Wonwoo laughed when he read your message. He placed his phone back on his desk before making another letter of pardon for his friend, which is also his workmate. Wonwoo looked over his schedule before typing and he momentarily stopped after seeing that he'll be having an open schedule for tomorrow. He'll finally have some free time, he thought.

After finishing his task, he went out to get himself a coffee from the cafe near their building. While waiting in line, he remembered the day he saw you here at this cafe and he absentmindedly touched his arm. To think that not even a single drop of blood was found on his arm, he felt relieved but also scared. He placed his order and again waited for his order to be served.

"Wonwoo."

He went back to the counter to get his order after hearing his name. He was about to get a coffee stirrer when he heard the cashier say something.

"A-are you perhaps the boyfriend of the lady who cheated with a m-married man...?"

Wonwoo's jaw clenched as he get the stirrer. He looked coldly at the cashier. "She did not cheat with anybody," he said before turning around.

Holding his coffee tightly, he looked back at the lady over the counter.

"She did not cheat. Stop spreading rumors. I am her boyfriend."

While going back to his office, Wonwoo didn't know why he said he was your boyfriend to the lady working at the cafe. "It was out of instinct, I guess," he shrugged.

Wonwoo just sat on his swivel chair, while looking at your contact in his phone. He clicked it and typed something.

To beautiful hamster: 'Do you want to have a dinner with me tomorrow?'

He deleted it and once again typed something.

To beautiful hamster: 'Are you free tomorrow night? Let's get dinner together.'

Deleted it.

Wonwoo sighed and leaned his back on his chair. He has a large window on his left that's why he has an overview of the outside world and he could see that the sun was almost setting. He touched his arm and murmured something.

'I think you're already fine, Y/n.'

"Ouch!"

You accidentally bit your tongue while watching your favorite Netflix series. "I hope it's not bleeding," you tried to feel if something tastes like metal, but there's nothing. "It's fine," you exhaled.

Your officemate recommended you something to watch and you gladly accepted it because you have nothing else to watch at the moment and by watching 3 episodes already, you could say that this is not a happy series. You almost cried watching the characters break up and separated ways, but you reminded yourself that it's just a video, nothing personal.

You heard your phone ring and when you opened it, you saw Wonwoo's message.

From Wonwoo: Jgh. What are you doing?

He always send you messages like this and it kind of feels like you were his attendance checker. A loud bang from the episode you are watching caught your attention and you forgot to reply to his message. It was such a heart breaking episode. You curled into a ball on your sofa, fighting the urge to cry. You actually felt like you were the lead character, experiencing a heartbreak from the one she truly loved. You didn't want to fight your tears anymore, so they quickly escaped your eyes and a sob followed.

Wonwoo was just lying on his bed, waiting for your reply. It has already been twenty minutes since he sent you one and normally, you would quickly reply back. That's something he noticed from you.

"Maybe she's already asleep...?"

He closed his eyes to rest for a moment when he felt something drip on his arm. He quickly opened his eyes and he was shocked when he saw how much blood was already dripping from his arm. Remembering how you haven't sent a reply yet, Wonwoo immediately grabbed a towel to wrap on his arm and run quickly to his door.

When he was outside he ran fast towards your address, not caring about the passersby’s reaction to his bleeding arm. It almost felt like ages before he arrived and he immediately opened your door and there he saw you standing surprised with red puffy eyes.

You couldn't believe your eyes when you saw Wonwoo standing in front of your door. Your puffy eyes grew even bigger when you noticed his bleeding arm. Blood was already dripping on the floor.

"Wonwoo... Your arm--"

Wonwoo strode over you and wrapped his right arm around your body to hug you tight.

You could hear his heavy breaths. Did he run all the way here?, you thought. You didn't know why he's here. Is he alright. What happened to his arm?

You tried to remove his right arm on you to check up on him. When you did, you saw him looking directly on your eyes. 'His stare could kill,' you said to yourself. You panicked again when you saw that his bleeding wouldn't stop. "Wonwoo, your arm. It's bleeding!," you silently shouted. Wonwoo looked on his arm too and harshly tied a towel to slowly stop the bleeding. You winced when you saw how tight it was.

"Are you alright?," he asked while staring at your puffy eyes.

"I think we need to visit the hospita--"

"Answer me," your body froze when you heard how intimidating he sound.

Wonwoo sighed, "You didn't answer my message. I thought something happened to you. Y/n, I was so worried!"

You felt small. He raised his voice on you, but it was because he was worried.

Should I be scared or feel touched?

"I'm fine, Wonwoo. I was watching... Something sad, that's why... I think I cried," you avoided to look on him because you felt embarrassed crying over a damn drama.

"Shouldn't you be worried about that, right now? If you don't, I am... worried about your arm," you added.

Wonwoo caressed your cheek with his right hand. "I'm glad you're fine. I'm sorry I raised my voice, I promise I would never do it again." You felt your heart beats fast again. What is this feeling, there's no way...

"Let me just get my med kit, let's clean your arm," you said to atleast be far away for him just for a minute because if you don't, your heart might explode and you suddenly vomit butterflies.

You guided him to your sofa and you sat in front of him. You carefully wiped the remaining blood on his arm and he just stared at you while doing that. "I thought mine was already worse, but yours are even more dangerous. You know you'll probably lose so much blood and that's not good," you sighed. "I hope we find our cure, so we won't suffer anymore."

"But you're the cause and cure," Wonwoo said to himself.

A week before this day, Wonwoo was so busy with work and not a single day he saw blood coming out of his arm. He genuinely liked it and hoped it won't ever bleed again. And he remembered how you said your heart didn't feel like freezing for a week as well. Things started to connect themselves in front of Wonwoo. You were happy.

His bleeding and your heart were connected to your emotions. You were happy, that's why your heart was normal. That's why he wasn't bleeding. He made all efforts on trying to make you smile or feel happy for the days he couldn't visit you through messages. He sent you jokes and that, he has never done before.

If he was right, you could finally live a life the way you wanted it to be and he could finally feel great after all the situations that have happened right before his own eyes.

He didn't believe it at first but something's wrong with him. He's not in his usual self. He's like a fool for love. "Am I inlove?," he asked himself.

You're almost done patching up his arm when you heard him clear his throat.

"Are you free tomorrow?"

You looked up to meet his eyes. There they go again, flying in my stomach. "Uhm... I have time at noon," you shyly said. You saw him hide his smile and slowly nodded at you.

Is he asking me out...?

You're done with his arm and you tried to offer him coffee or something to drink but he refused. He also said he was going now that's why you accompanied him to your door.

"Uh... I'll text you the address. See you tomorrow, Y/n," Wonwoo said while scratching his neck. You nodded and replied a silent 'okay.'

As if something magical passed by in front of you, Wonwoo slowly leaned in.

Is he going to k-kiss me...??

You saw him position his head and your lips are almost an inch away from touching each other.

But he stopped halfway. He quickly looked the other way and muttered something.

"I...uh... I'll go now. Bye!"

Your cheeks flushed red and it was a good thing he was already walking away. "What's with him? What's with me? Why did I feel annoyed that he didn't continue---", you mentally cursed yourself before going back in.

You couldn't sleep. You were just thinking about what to wear for your lunch with Wonwoo.

And you deeply regret not sleeping because your eye bags are evident below your eyes. You shrugged all the thoughts away as you went in your bathroom to take a bath. You just wear casual clothes since it'll be just a friendly date and you still have to go to work in the morning.

Wonwoo is also restless. He already reserved a table for two at the formal restaurant just around the corner. He even think of buying you flowers but it's a bit cheesy for him. He texted you the address earlier at six in the morning. He's not excited at all.

You just sat on your chair and waited for the hours to pass by quickly so that it's already noon break. You looked at the mirror and checked if you're still looking fine and you released a sigh of relief when you saw that you still looked... good, even though you look absolutely great.

"Guys, it's lunch time! Wonwoo, you coming with us? We're trying out the newly opened samgyup resto bar."

Wonwoo shook his head. "I have somewhere else to go, maybe next time."

He quickly get his things and directly went to the restaurant he reserved two seats from. When he arrived, he sat down your table and thanked himself for reserving earlier because it was already packed up with customers.

"Now all I have to do is wait," Wonwoo smiled.

You left your office and started walking towards the direction of the restaurant Wonwoo said. While walking, a thought suddenly flashed in your mind.

What if this is a date, you would just make things harder for him because you're not normal. You would eventually leave him behind.

Considering your thought, you slowed down your walk and started thinking more about the situation.

"Will I just make it hard for him? He's already suffering from something."

You thought that it might be better if he wouldn't end up with you.

You were happy now. You were happy that you met Wonwoo. You had someone to lean on and you finally felt what it feels like to have a friend. You don't have anything to do now, your family is already up there.

Should I follow them?

You squinted your eyes and stopped walking because you were dazzled by the sun. As if on cue, you felt something sharp punctured in your abdomen and a man muttered a curse before running away quickly.

You coughed. Passersby started to gather around you, some are panicking and some immediately called for help. You touched it and slowly looked on it. There you saw a blade, stabbed deeply on your side. Your hands and lips were trembling and your breathing suddenly constrict.

Someone call an ambulance!

Oh my, help!

You then collapsed on the floor and people around you were startled. Your eyes suddenly felt heavy and the last thing you saw was a man caressing your cheeks and constantly saying something.

It feels weird. I didn't feel sad at all. I feel...

Happy.

Wonwoo was already feeling anxious while he still waits for you. He looked at his watch and his eyes widened when he saw that it's already one o'clock in the afternoon. Did she lie to me?, he thought. He was also constantly looking on his arm for any signs of bleeding because if there is, that means you're in trouble. He definitely hoped that there's nothing wrong and that you're absolutely fine.

He waited for your message too but his phone wasn't even ringing.

He felt restless so he stood up and left the restaurant. While he was walking, he saw a large crowd on the way.

"What's the commotion about?"

He then heard a woman shouted for help.

"Someone!! Help her!! She's stabbed!"

He walked over to look and maybe do something to help but his body suddenly froze. He can't move. His heart fell down. His jaw and fists clenched. His breathing rapidly increased as he approached your almost lifeless body on the ground.

"Y/n! Hey! Y/n!!!" he caressed your cheeks, "Stay with me, hey... Don't fucking close your eyes! Y/n, look at me. Y/n!!!," he shouted when he saw you closing your eyes.

"Someone call a fucking ambulance! Why are you just fucking looking?!"

Wonwoo looked over your punctured wound. "Shit! Y/n, stay with me."

"I need you!"

The ambulance came and you were immediately brought to the hospital in the emergency room. They didn't let Wonwoo in so he was left at the lobby waiting. He pulled his hair out of anger. His white dress shirt was now stained with red liquid--your blood. He squatted near the emergency door and put his head on his knees. A nurse approached him and informed him that they will perform emergency surgery on you since the blade had damaged several parts of your tissues so it needs to be sutured back and its little particles also penetrated it and they should be removed immediately. He just looked up to the nurse and couldn't even bother saying anything.

"Why didn't it bleed? I would've come sooner."

Wonwoo started blaming himself but it would only be useless right now since it already happened. A male nurse also approached him and told him that the cops are waiting for him at the lobby. He immediately stood up and strode his way at the lobby.

"Are you related to Miss Y/l/n?," a cop asked.

"Y-yeah."

"The suspect has already been arrested and is on the interrogation room at our headquarters right now. He is charged of GBH. We're deeply sorry for what happened to her."

Wonwoo's jaw and fists clenched out of anger. "Charge of bodily harm? That means 5 years in prison?," Wonwoo scoffed. "You know better than this, officer."

The cops slightly bowed to him before leaving.

He was about to go back to hallway of the emergency room when he saw Jeonghan who is tightly holding someone, who seems like another doctor, on his collar. He slowly walked towards them and he was shocked. Jeonghan punched the other doctor causing him to fall on the ground.

"You almost killed her, you motherfucker! How could you be so dumb and act on your own?! I'm the senior here!"

Jeonghan noticed Wonwoo so he calmed himself before facing him. "Wonwoo--"

Wonwoo's ears are already turning red--he was fuming. "What the fuck happened in there?"

"Wonwoo, calm down--"

He grabbed Dr. Yoon's collar. "Don't tell me what to do. What happened in there, Jeonghan?"

Jeonghan pushed Wonwoo's hands away from him and he readjusted his collar. "The junior messed it up," he sighed. "We were already going smoothly as planned until he fucked it up. This shit made her bleeding worse when he pulled the blade out and that shouldn't have happened if he listened to us. She almost lost so much blood..."

"Take mine. Does she need blood? Take mine," Wonwoo sobbed. "Take my fucking blood. I-" Wonwoo let his body fall on the ground as he cried.

Jeonghan sat in front of him and helped him calm down. "She'll be fine. She's fine. Y/n's the strongest person I know."

Jeonghan stayed by Wonwoo's side until he's calmed down but the sudden opening of the emergency door startled the both of them.

"Doctor Park has requested you to join in again. Y/n has ventricular fibrillation and they'll immediately perform cardioversion and cpr in between. It hasn't been too fatal to implant ICD," a nurse said. Jeonghan immediately went to wear his surgical gown and wash his hands and arms with PVP-I before going back to the ER.

Wonwoo didn't know what to do. He just hoped for the best because at the end of the day, he knows you'll still open those precious green eyes of yours.

Wonwoo looked at the opening door and there he saw you, lying on the bed with IV fluids attached on your hand. He tried to reach you but Jeonghan caught his hands and made him sit down. He gave Wonwoo a bread before sitting next to him. "She's under influence of anesthesia. She'll probably wake up for about an hour so I suggest you to take a rest first. Go out and inhale fresh air, you need it." Jeonghan said before standing up and going to his office.

Wonwoo looked at his watch.

6 o'clock in the evening.

"She struggled that long," he sighed before going out to get some fresh air.

Wonwoo went to the park where he first had an interaction with you. It has already been 5 weeks, yet he still wasn't able to say what he wanted to say to you a few weeks ago. I'm a sucker, he thought. He sat down by a bench near the tallest tree at the park. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Mister..." A kid stood in front of Wonwoo and was extending his small arm, holding a single alstroemeria. Wonwoo tilted his head to the side and asked, "Is this for me?"

The kid shook his head but he still urged him to get it and immediately ran away skipping after Wonwoo get the flower on his hand. "Huh, it's not even the season of flowers," he asked. Wonwoo stared at the flower before looking at his watch. It was already quarter to seven so he decided to head back and visit you on your room.

When he entered the room, your eyes were still closed. You looked calm and heavenly, he thought. He sat down beside your bed and placed the flower on the table. He sighed before holding your left hand. He just pressed it on his cheeks, not saying anything, just feeling your warmth. "You owe me another one. I don't cry in front of others but you made me do it," he silently laughed at himself. He looked at the flower, "A kid gave me a flower. I'm not sure what kind of flower it is though and it's not even the time for flowers to bloom."

He stared at your face for a moment before planting a kiss on your forehead. He heard a knock on the door. "Wear this. Blood's still on your shirt," Jeonghan said.

"You finally found your cure, didn't you? Confusion's finally over. I'm happy for you, man."

Wonwoo looked at Jeonghan before giving him a small smile. "I did. But I don't think I am her cure. I'll let her go to her cure because that's how much I--," Wonwoo stopped talking when he heard you groan. Jeonghan crosses his arms together before flashing a smirk.

"Good evening, princess. How are you?," asked Jeonghan.

You slowly opened your eyes and the first thing you saw was Wonwoo's worried look. "I feel crap. I think I saw heaven for a bit," you said and clearly Wonwoo wasn't happy about that. "They pushed me back though. Said it wasn't my time yet," you said while Jeonghan's checking your vitals.

"Estimated 3 days before you could finally go home. For now, rest completely so that, he winked at Wonwoo's direction, could finally calm his nerves down," Jeonghan said before leaving the room.

You sighed.

"Hey, I'm sorry for making you worried."

Wonwoo gave you the cold stare. "Don't say sorry, it's not your fault. Although, you were kind of dumb but still not your fault." You placed your hand on his cheek before saying something.

"I actually thought I would never see you again and I was... slightly happy about that," you said that made Wonwoo confused.

"I didn't want to add up to your life's concerns. You're already dealing with something and you still have a dream to achieve while I don't. I don't have any reasons left to regret dying earlier, you know," you shrugged. "Ouch!," Wonwoo flicked your forehead. "What was that for?"

"You seriously won't regret leaving me behind? After all the things I did for you?"

You laughed at his expression. "I was kidding. You're no fun at all! I still want to meet the person that will completely heal my heart, you know. Wonder what it feels like to be embraced by him."

"It will probably feel cold at all, not warm," he murmured.

"I heard you." Wonwoo looked at you. "I intentionally murmured it loudly."

You were about to tease him a bit more when he smashed a flower on your forehead. "You really liked violence, huh!" You hold the stem of the flower and you immediately recognized its kind. You dramatically looked over Wonwoo and he returned a questioning look. "What?"

You pouted and faked a sob. "I--" Wonwoo worriedly look at you, "Hey, what's wrong? First time receiving a flower?"

"You're friend-zoning me," you sob. "All this time, I thought you that you liked me too. I was a fool," you invested in some of your acting skills. Wonwoo gaped at what he heard. "What did you say?"

"What did I say? I didn't say anything. Omg, I love this flower. Thank you, friend." you said emphasizing the word friend. Wonwoo is clearly not enjoying this so he threatened you by leaning in over you. "I heard it right. You said you like me. Now, stop this little game of yours or else," he said.

You weren't afraid of this threat so you leaned in as well. "Or else what?" Your eyes widened when he quickly pecked your lips.

Thump.

"Here's your food-- I guess I'll come back later," Jeonghan said before closing the door.

Wonwoo smirked at you. "You asked for it."

You dramatically touched your lips as you looked away from him. "I can't believe this is happening." You quickly looked back at him. "Tell me I'm not dreaming," you light slapped his cheek. "You're really here. You really pecked my lips. Woah..."

Wonwoo laughed at you. "Yes, this is real. Go back to sleep and take a rest so that I could finally take you for lunch, dinner or even breakfast when you're completely healed," he ruffled your hair.

"Good night, Wonwoo. Sweet dreams," you smiled at him before closing your eyes. Wonwoo turned off the lights of your room and left to take a rest too.

'I am totally a fool for love,' he thought.

The day finally came where Wonwoo could finally take you to the restaurant for a date and you swear, this is the only date both of you had after almost 2 months of being discharged at the hospital. He made it clear, though. 'From now on, you're my girlfriend and I am yours.' That was 2 months ago after he fetched you at the hospital. He stayed by your side even if you don't need help with cleaning your stitches. He almost lived at your house too but you didn't care because you love him.

He also told you that the reason of his bleeding is you. Of course you felt bad but he told you, 'you don't have to because I already have the cure.' You remembered you asked what and he answered, "It's not what, it's who and it's you, my love." Butterflies were dancing in your stomach back then. Although every day with him always made you feel butterflies at your stomach, you still won't get used to it.

"Y/n, I told you every thing you wear is perfect. You look beautiful on whatever you wear," Wonwoo said trying to convince you to finally settle for something to wear because he's already hungry.

"Alright, alright. How do I look?"

Wonwoo licked his lips, "Perfect."

You rolled your eyes before giving him a peck. "Let's go, you must be starving."

When you arrived, you didn't know Wonwoo would rent the whole restaurant just for the both of you. "Wonwoo... this is too much. I--"

Wonwoo placed his hands on your waist, "Did you not like it, hmm?"

You held his hands and placed it on top of your chest while you placed your head on his chest. Wonwoo just looked at you, eyes beaming with joy.

"I love it."

"Thank you for being my cure, Wonwoo," you looked up to him, tears trying to escape your eyes. He held the back of your head and leaned in for a passionate kiss.

"I love you," you said in between his kisses.

Wonwoo placed his forehead on yours.

"I will love you with all my heart, with all my blood. Always."

Warming you up

by wonwhomps

A/n: How are you? How am I? First of all, I thank you, yes you! For reading my works. I wouldn't be motivated to write if it wasn't for you. I thank myself as well, for always making plots that eventually urged me to spare half of my time writing every day. It's hard to write when school is on going but I can manage. Writing is my escape, I guess. Sorry for the grammatical errors found in the story, I'll proof-read my stories when I have an open schedule. I hope you were somehow moved by this story. It's my first ever 10k words story tbh. I'll end my note by shamelessly promoting my other fanfictions found here. Also, I'll post some of my works at Wattpad and it would be truly helpful if you come visit it there. Thank you! xx

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Masterlist

Medical terms used above:

Disclaimer: This information is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, emergency treatment or formal first-aid training. Don't use this information to diagnose or develop a treatment plan for a health problem or disease without consulting a qualified health care provider. If you're in a life-threatening or emergency medical situation, seek medical assistance immediately.

▸Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator (ICD) - is a device placed under your skin. It also contains a computer that tracks your heart rate and rhythm. If your heart beats way too fast or is very out of rhythm, the ICD sends out a shock to get it back into rhythm ▸Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) - is an emergency procedure that combines chest compressions often with artificial ventilation in an effort to manually preserve intact brain function until further measures are taken to restore spontaneous blood circulation and breathing in a person who is in cardiac arrest.

▸Povidone-iodine (PVP-I) - also known as iodopovidone, is an antiseptic used for skin disinfection before and after surgery. It may be used both to disinfect the hands of healthcare providers and the skin of the person they are caring for. It may also be used for minor wounds.

▸Hypothermia - is a medical emergency that occurs when your body loses heat faster than it can produce heat, causing a dangerously low body temperature.

▸Trypanophobia - is an extreme fear of medical procedures involving injections or hypodermic needles.

Others:

▸Grievous Bodily Harm (GDR) - is a term used in English criminal law to describe the severest forms of assault. It refers to two offences that are respectively created by sections 18 and 20 of the Offences against the Person Act 1861.

▸Alstroemeria - is the flower most representative of friendship, so you will find it in many friendship bouquets. This flower also symbolizes good fortune and prosperity, so it offers double meaning.

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be-dazzled · 4 years

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The Art of Falling

CHAPTER IV AT THE END OF THE AISLE

Gray Fullbuster, Juvia Lockser, Gajeel Redfox Alternative Historical Universe Genre: Old World Vibes, Period Romance All Chapters: Click here | Taglist

Writer’s Corner: Happy Holidays! I wasn't able to keep my promise on a monthly update but I am very much grateful that you still all stayed with me despite what I lacked. Thank you so much. This has been such a hard year but there were many good things that happened too. Especially, 2020 has been the year of ships, the Gruvia ship! & we just keep on winning. Ahaha.

Anyways, After reading this update, please go spend some holiday fun with your loved ones! And if 2020 was extra bit hard on you, then I want to remind you that, it will get better. It always does. This too shall pass. I will pray for you whether you believe in the God I believe in or not, I will pray that you get through the darkest time of your life. I love you, my Gruvia family. Happy Holidays!

Masterlist

There was a polite knock on the door. Having the faintest inkling of who could be standing on the other side of it, Juvia quickly calculated the short trip from the stairs to the backdoor at the kitchen. She looked around the room for her mother and, not finding her anywhere of close proximity, Juvia started for her escape. Alas, as she was rounding the corner to the kitchen, Mrs. Lockser caught her hand and ordered her to attend to the door. She made an initial protest to no avail. The young Miss had no choice but to oblige her mother with palpable gloom.

It was not the gentleman, however, that greeted her by the door; not that she was expecting nor anticipating his visit. It was what appeared to be a messenger carrying a letter addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Lockser.

"Oh, Mr. Fullbuster, Mr. Vastia, I hope you lot like Caramade Franks." Mrs. Lockser's voice traveled and reached her daughter before her feet did. "I have risen early in the morning to– where are Mr. Fullbuster and Mr. Vastia?" inquired she, after arriving at the vestibule to find no fine gentlemen.

"There's a letter addressed to you and father. It is from Mr. Fullbuster."

"Oh dear!" cried Mrs. Lockser, who lost strength on her legs, having to put down the baked bread on a side table as she passed it, and sought support from the sturdy furniture. "It is because of your hostility, is it not?" Resting her hand over her forehead in a dramatic fashion, Mrs. Lockser wept a concern that traveled to every room of the house, "that he is withdrawing his courtship? Oh dear, Mr. Lockser!"

Juvia had only stared at her mother, finding her behavior unwarranted. For the very reason for her mother's woe was still in her possession – the sealed letter. Without ever opening it, Mrs. Lockser had bewailed an unfortunate conclusion. However, if it be true that Mr. Fullbuster found it wiser to withdraw his courtship, it was news well-received by Juvia.

"What is with all this noise so early in the morning?"

Mr. Lockser appeared in the hallway that led to his study, with lines formed on his forehead, unhappy with the sudden interruption in his morning reading. His daughters, the eldest and the youngest hastened down and crowded at the foot of the stairs, worried about the wailings of their mother.

"Oh, my dear Mr. Lockser. I am afraid we find ourselves in an unfortunate circumstance." Mrs. Lockser leaned her hip on the table, resting her hand on her chest in a poor attempt to feign poor nerves. "It seems that Mr. Fullbuster is withdrawing his affection towards our rude daughter."

Mrs. Lockser was greatly mistaken. The second daughter did not find such a circumstance so disheartening. It would only prove what Juvia believed – that the offered floras would last longer than Mr. Fullbuster's misguided affection – and Miss Juvia Lockser had no grievances being proven right. Nevertheless, the fretful daughter ought to put an end to this non-sense before her mother nursed a serious illness.

"Shall we not open the letter and confirm before you cry us a river, Mother?" If it was not so impolite to roll her eyes, that Juvia would have done.

Mrs. Lockser refused to receive the letter; afraid reading it would do her and her heart more harm than any good. She could not bear it when the town became aware, as they would be in a day or so, that the lone heir of Lord Silver Fullbuster had found her daughter unacceptable for marriage. Miss Juvia would not only become a pariah of the little town but her family would sink further down society and their reputation would be of no consequence.

"Oh, what shame it is!" cried Mrs. Lockser, running after her breath, "What disrepute shall befall our family only because I have raised my second daughter poorly."

"Shall we confirm it before you disown our poor Miss Juvia?"

As Mrs. Lockser wallowed in her grief, her husband paid her no more deserving attention. Instead, he did the wisest thing and proceeded to take the letter from his daughter and opened it.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Lockser, I will begin by expressing my sincerest apology for not having fulfilled my duty to be in your presence today," the letter read, "My dearest cousin-in-law, Mr. Vastia, received news of urgent business. He had no other choice but to return to Margaret Town as soon as possible. I was inclined to offer my services to escort him to the train station, as he believed it a faster mode of transportation than by carriage."

"Oh, what good news!" exclaimed Mrs. Lockser, who immediately recovered from her poor nerves. She leaned in to read the rest of the letter and had commented on Mr. Fullbuster's impeccable handwriting. "A true noble's hand, indeed."

The news, however, had the opposite effect on the young Miss Juvia. As her father continued to share the contents of the letter, Juvia hanged on every word, hopefully waiting for the news her mother dreaded.

"In order to make amends for my absence, my mother, in the heed of Mr. Vastia's wife, would like to extend an invitation for an afternoon tea in the Fullbuster Manor, if you will allow us such graciousness."

Mr. Lockser has yet to reach the end of the letter when his wife decided, with irrevocable conviction, that the visit must be paid no later than the morrow. In an instant, her legs miraculously regained their strength, as the mother of three could not even decide where to begin her preparations.

"We are never to make her Ladyship wait!"

She spat orders here and there and abandoned the newly baked goods, the ones she would have claimed as prepared by her own hand, and proclaimed, "Oh, we must head to town!" As she said so, Mrs. Lockser hastily gathered her daughters and nudged them upstairs. "Mr. Lockser, will you be as kind as to lend your family the carriage?"

"But why must we, Mother?" asked Juvia foolishly for she ought to know the design in Mrs. Lockser's insistence.

"Why you ask? To buy supplies!" Mrs. Lockser descended a few steps of the stairs to level with Miss Juvia; delighted for the opportunity to lecture, "because you do not pay attention to social decorum, my dear Miss Juvia, that you fail to recall the most basic of good manners." Mrs. Lockser lightly shook her head in disapproval. "We cannot simply turn up to the Manor empty-handed."

Juvia kept her silence and allowed her mother this little victory. A glance at her sisters, who seemed amused by the exchange, had her convinced that she was sensible to do so.

"Will you be joining us then, Father?" asked Eliana.

"I say this with regret," started he, "I am afraid I may not be able to do so today and the morrow."

"How dreadful, Father!" cried Juvia. "Allow me to keep you company then." Pretentiously asked her, seeking escape from the social obligation.

"My dear, Juvia," Mr. Lockser was never wary to make known, that even though his children had each their special place in his heart, amongst them, he held Juvia more closely, "humor your mother, just this once." requested he, and patted a hand on top of her daughter's head. For as it appeared, sooner rather than later, he may no longer be allowed this freedom.

After the preparations, Mr. Lockser returned to his books while his wife and their three daughters left in the carriage to the capital. They were met with several acquaintances and treated with sanctioned civility. To each one, Mrs. Lockser never failed to share her enviable news; and to some who were more than acquaintances, such as their neighbors also visiting, the private invitation she and her family were honored by the Lady and her lovely niece. To this embarrassment, Juvia attempted to remind her mother to be a bit humbler and feeling.

"I was merely responding to their inquiry," reasoned she, as the party continued on their path. "How was I being overbearing when I answered in all politeness?"

Juvia ought to respond in this way, "In all politeness and without humility. You were only being pretentiously modest while in all truth, Mrs. Lockser pronounced this piece of news so that the town would envy her covetable connections with his Lordship." Propriety demanded that she keep her silence and fall back in line with her sisters.

"I have never seen mother this high in spirits," mused the youngest Lockser.

Mrs. Lockser walked unapologetically on cloud nine that if her knees allowed, her extreme delight would have added a bounce to her every step.

"She is far much ahead of herself," replied Juvia, who eyed her mother's back with vexation. "I say she is foolishly counting the fowls before the eggs have time to hatch."

To this, neither Wendy nor the eldest had any response other than a shared, apologetic smile. So, Juvia opened a different topic to discuss on their way to Frankhurt Bakery, whose owner was an old friend of the Locksers.

"What a pleasant surprise!" greeted Mrs. Frankhurt at the door. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Mrs. Lockser briefly introduced her daughters, although no introductions were necessary, and thereafter handed her good friend some list of baking supplies she would need for the Caramade Franks, ones Juvia knew her mother would have the cook make and claim as her own doing. After Mrs. Frankhurt called for the store help to gather the supplies in the list, Mrs. Lockser began on the real intent of her coming down. With no real interest in listening to the conversation, Juvia joined Wendy by the dessert glass case; left their mother to the leisure of discussing with her longtime friend the attention paid by Lord Fullbuster's son to one of her daughters.

"Oh, dear Mrs. Frankhurt! What good news have I to tell," exclaimed she, "What wonderful news it is!"

Juvia had come to Frankhurt Bakery since she was a child and for those years she frequented the shop, be it on her mother's orders or her own volition, the second daughter had come to know that Mrs. Frankhurt's business was the center of all information, whether there be truth to it or naught. Gossip in Magnolia traveled faster than the speed of light. In order to assure the widespread of the good news, that the Lord's son was seeking intimate connections with the Lockser family, Mrs. Frankhurt's was the place to light the fire.

"You need not tell me, my dearest friend. Such an important piece of information had been widely circulated in this town before you even set foot in it."

Just as Juvia had expected, the townspeople were now aware of Mr. Fullbuster's frequent visits. She was quite sure, without having to see her mother's expression, that Mrs. Lockser was very much delighted by this news; but not as quite as so when her friend inquired further.

"But do indulge me with the intimate details. Of whom, amongst your daughters, was the intention made known?" Mrs. Frankhurt leaned in, asking without lowering her voice and for everyone in the shop to hear. "It could be none other than your eldest, am I correct? For what man would dare look past the elegant Miss Lockser?"

Juvia, who stopped thinking about the decorated cakes altogether, strained her ears to listen for her mother's response. Quite the complete opposite of Mrs. Lockser's earlier alacrity, there was only silence. The only answer she could offer was continued mum.

"Oh, please, my dearest friend," cried Mrs. Frankhurt, "my poor heart cannot take all this suspense."

Mrs. Frankhurt's curiosity was not out of friendly concern. Nor was it out of the goodness of her heart; for Mrs. Frankhurt knew no 'goodness' unless she found it to be in her advantage. All she had was this unappeasable need to be the first to everything. With news as important as Mr. Fullbuster's choice of wife, it was necessary that she be the first to know and be the first to circulate.

Thus, in answering her friend, Mrs. Lockser hesitated. She was as certain as the rest of Magnolia that her eldest daughter would be the first to marry; but for some wicked reason, fate pulled to a corner and laughed. And so, at that moment, her main concern was the would-be endless guessing of Eliana's faults that made Gray Fullbuster look past her.

Juvia knew of this repercussion. She would not have kept herself in check if not for Wendy's loud musings about the decorated cakes. Despite herself and what was proper, Juvia would have run her sharp tongue and lectured both ladies about the dangers of foolish presumptions and baseless blathers. Instead, she had to bite her own tongue and, on the long ride back home, suffer through the gnawing feeling of guilt for having caused her sister's sullen silence.

...

The morrow came by and the family, except for Mr. Lockser who had to tend to the fields that day, was up early. They journeyed to the Fullbuster Manor at the crack of dawn, with no time to waste, no daylight to spare. It was Mrs. Vastia who greeted them by the door and accepted the basket of baked goods with all courtesy. As she welcomed the members of the Lockser family, her studying gaze lasted a tad longer on her cousin's object of affection. Juvia took notice but scarcely made anything of it.

Just like her husband, Ultear was a pleasant and agreeable presence. Her aunt, Lady Mika, on the other hand, was restrained by mere civility, to which Mrs. Lockser was either oblivious of or merely disregarding. She ostentatiously admired the dwelling and talked of it in familiarity that could have been easily mistaken as an imposition. Juvia's warnings were all in vain as her mother continued addressing Lady Mika with overbearing intimacy. The Lady was only being polite not to withdraw her invitation, which Juvia was certain she had already regretted.

The party was led to a dedicated tea room, of size thrice as big as the Lockser's parlour, where Lord Fullbuster was waiting with a little bundle of joy settled in his arms. He stood and paid his respects to each guest, introducing to them the child in his arms as the Vastias' only daughter. He then excused himself from the party despite Lady Mika's insistence that he stay.

"Ur and I don't want to be a bother so we will make ourselves scarce," explained his Lordship. "I will happily play with this one until I get one of my own," added he teasingly, casting a look long enough to make Juvia feel as if those very words were addressed to her.

Juvia grew ill at ease and chose to cast her eyes down to the floor, lest she revealed the effects of his allusion. Her effort was for naught; Juvia could not anymore hide the color of her cheeks as it was her own mother who agreed and made a pact on her behalf by saying she too hoped it would be soon. Juvia had yet to agree on the proposal of marriage and here came her mother promising Lord Fullbuster a grandchild.

"I will one day hold you to that promise, Madame." The Lordship bowed with genteel, a smile of satisfaction stretched his lips.

Just when Juvia thought she could not get more embarrassed; Lord Silver left the room mentioning to little Ur a promise of playing with her cousins from Uncle Gray in the future. Juvia could have sworn she was about to come down with a fever.

"My uncle likes to amuse." excused Ultear, who looked interested at the exchange more than anyone. "Why shan't we take our seats?"

Each guest took their stations at the lavish sofas. As they made themselves comfortable, Mrs. Lockser more than anyone, the help arranged the refreshments wonderfully on the card table. Mrs. Lockser's pride, the Caramade Franks, was unwrapped and she made sure to offer her Ladyship the first bite. There was short hesitation at the Lady's end but her position required that she obliged her guests. A request Lady Mika did not have regrets over. For if there was one thing Juvia had considered her family's saving grace, it was the bread recipe passed from her great, great grandmother down to the current Mrs. Lockser. Yet, before her mother mused herself or anyone else of her daughters being good bakers, Juvia made sure her Ladyship knew that the bread was prepared by their cook's hands.

After the quick dialogue, and a discreet scolding, Mrs. Lockser sought back the group's attention. Juvia could only admire their hostess' amiability as they were deduced to a mere audience with the rapidity of Mrs. Lockser's words. She only spoke of Eliana, of her good points, which the second daughter took no offense from. She knew it was more out of habit rather than an evil scheme. Juvia had long accepted that she had no good points worthy to speak of.

The conversation took a round to Ultear and her husband's business. The grateful Missus once again expressed her gratitude for the lovely presents. Without allowing the benefactor to respond, she jumped from one topic to another: delicate ribbons, intricate patterns, expensive gems and some others, to which Juvia never took a particular liking. Growing disinterested by the minute with her mother's monologue, she excused herself from the party to look for the privy.

Outside of the tearoom, Juvia found his Lordship playing with the lively little Ur and talking to her as if the child could understand every word out of his mouth. Juvia found herself entertained to see such a powerful and intimidating man conversing with an infant who seemed to have understood nothing; yet, very pleased with the little careless laughs she offered. Oh, what delightful sounds bouncing around the empty hall. She could listen to it all day rather than Mrs. Lockser's endless ramblings.

The enchanted young miss did not realize she was already staring until Lord Silver caught her eyes.

"Apologies for my intrusion, my Lord."

"I knew a simple tea party would bore a young lady such as you."

Juvia was mulling on the intent of his words when he continued.

"It's the last door on your left. Just at the end of that aisle." He pointed to a path lined by a number of doors on either side and lavish furnishings in between them.

Juvia could see how easy it would have been to get lost in that general direction but she said no other words to Lord Silver but her simple thank you, curtsied and then left the two to their privacy. As she reached the end of the said hallway, Juvia turned to the last pair of doors on her left, as was instructed, thinking it led to the lavatory, only to open them into a roomful of books.

The room was magnificently large. Its walls were all covered by towering shelves filled with books in numerous varieties. With a quick scan, Juvia decided it was nothing like she had ever seen before and her curiosity drew her into the impressive study. She only realized she was not alone when her eyes landed on a figure seated around a drawing table. In the middle of the room, nose buried in his book and a few others scattered around him, was Gray Fullbuster, oblivious of a new presence about to disturb his peace. It was a tad too late to make her retreat as Juvia failed to catch the door behind her.

The loud clack caught Gray's attention. He looked up from his book and, upon realizing who his guest was, fixed himself more properly and dignifiedly on his seat. Juvia started to apologize for her intrusion but Gray acknowledged her with a customary bow and then returned to his book.

Juvia felt in the least bit insulted but the gentleman's apparent disinterest did make her feel unwelcomed. And so, Juvia motioned to the door, about to make her leave when Lord Silver's words echoed in her mind. A simple tea party, he said, could not at all keep her attention. Juvia admitted truth in his words as she could only do her best not to let out a yawn in front of her Ladyship. It was then that she started to weigh her options. For how could sitting in dreadful silence be any better than suffering through an afternoon of her mother's endless tirades? One, she could manage not to offend the graciousness of her hostesses, and two, she could care less about offending this man. So, instead of letting herself out of the study as she initially planned, Juvia allowed herself to stay.

...

tags: @greenapplegrass @shampooneko @trizfn @anaken101 @gruviaftw11 @juviasblog @heademptyonlygruvia @unvalley @jetblackrevival @lannyathewitch @groovyah @jujumanga @suihime @myvatdafakthings @keepcalm-lovefairytail @shounenmangaotphell @loli-go

#gruvia #gray x juvia #be-dazzled #gray fullbuster #juvia lockser #gruvia period AU #gruvia fanfiction #period gruvia #jane austen gruvia #the art of falling

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bloopferheart · 4 years

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Sk8ti theories!!

Spoilers for all the current episode of sk8 (up to episode 6)

- also sorry if this all over the place lmao

so i have many theories but i wanna talk about the one that im most leaning towards! so personally what i think is going to happen is that reki and langa are going to fall in love, they both fall in love with each other and i think there is going to be hinted canon romance??? i dunno they will DEFINITELY have a deeper bond than they currently are at. we can see that each episode they are getting closer and closer, langa is smiling more and they are starting to become more "touchy-feely" with each other (*coughs* the latest blessing of an episode we had, ep6, the beach episode <3). we can also see that they love each in the translation of the end credits the lines. "i like what ive always liked", "lets keep feelings", "lets keep your heart" , "let's go together" ,"you are always in my heart" - (fuckin sobs kakjdsh). i see the end credits as a convo between langa and reki so these are things that *both* of them are saying. so, yes, i think it will be requited love....at first. (fuck here comes the angst)

time to talk about fucking ad*m,,,,so what i think is that adam is going to draw langa away from reki and sort of influence him into the world of reckless skating. langa is so drawn to adam that he starts to skate more dangerously and adapt the same ways of skating that adam does. becuase of his, he starts to drift away from reki. reki usually skates by the rules and doesnt cheat, or at least he doesnt go as far as adam does. reki is always ready to try new things but he defientley isnt as reckless as langa will end up being. reki will start to feel as though he is falling more and more behind langa until langai so caught up in reckless skating that he is just gone. reki realizes its too late and that langa is too far ahead he cant keep up (just like in the intro when reki falls and when langa doesnt turn around to look back at him and how langa dissapears).

so, besides reki falling behind langa, how will this *directly* affect reki? well i defientley think that reki has some trauma surrounding adam considering how he fucking screamed langas name and had a nightmare about adam,,,like,,,,idk :( but continuing on, i think that langa is going to make a very dangerous bet, like a life threatning bet that impacts reki. and i think that langa *finally* realizes his mistakes when its too late. so, this is where my theory starts to go 2 ways.

1) reki will,,,*takes a deep breath* dies. what if langa makes such a dangerous bet and adams influence is too much that he accidnetly kills reki? BUT tbh this is one of my theories that i dont actually lean a lot towards. the next one is what i actually think is more likely to happen based on the ending credits,

2) reki *will* get hurt, but emotionally not physically (or maybe physically but i dont think so). he will see that langa is never coming back to him (or at least he thinks that) and decides to just leave him. its at this time that langa realizes "fuck ive gone too far" but its too late too chase after reki because reki already tried chasing after him and langa just ignored him. reki and langa will then drift apart although as they spend time apart they realize how much they need and miss each. what gives me this impression is when the end credits say:

"we are grown up now, can be honest i will remember tightly tied shoe laces, lets make it , my favourite colour, its infinte, i like what ive always liked" this whole phrase reminds me of how anga talks about how he still thinks of the times when he and reki would skate *for fun* together, and not for the thrill/adrenaline rush.

"i like what ive always liked' implied hes always liked reki and despite drifting apart, he still does love him. his love for reki is infinite.(and rekis love for him is infinite)

"lets talk silly stories be with you forever i want to smile by your side" implied that langa (who i assume this verse is in the pov of) still wants to be with reki and regrets the choices hes made. "lets go together, go with you" he still wants to go with reki, he still wants to skate with him.

"even if tomorrow this world ends, i dont need anything special at the same pace as usual lets just be who we are. yes, "now" is so beautiful" so lets disect the first part of that, i think that by this langa or reki (i dont quite know who, i think langa tho) is thinking that all he wants is just go back to all the days (at the same pace as usual) and just go at the nice easy-going pace they were at.

a very big indictor of langa realizing he sitll loves reki is the line "lets go togehter, go with you *not only in happy times*" i think that langa is saying that despite reki being upset and feeling behind, langa does in fact wish he had been by his side and he wants to be there for reki.

"at any time, be by your side", "lets go together", "as long as we have that feeling", "i am here by your side", "you are always in my heart" literally is so gay like guys cmon, langa deifnetley still loves him

so what happens next? langa now realizes he *does* love reki and that adam is a big piece of shit but reki is gone (reki still loves him and thinks about him tho: as seen in line “youre always in my heart” i believe this is said by both of them)

so, in conclusion my favourite theory is that at the very end of sk8 reiki and langa will sort of have individual shots and then they will run into each other in the street, both carying skateboards. langa will reach out to reki to "catch him" or something idk SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN WITH HANDS AND WE WONT SEE FACES AT FIRST and then the shot is their faces and they look at each other and just smile! I THINK IT WOULD BE SUCH A GOOD ENDING AND I THINK IT WOULD FIT THE END SO WELL YA KNOW??? SO yeah!!!! thats my fav theory!!

i do have one more i just wanted to touch up on tho :eyes:

HANDS!!! OMG HANDS R SO IMPORTNAT IN THIS SHOW MY GOSH. and as each episode goes on we can see they are getting closer and closer with their hands. it starts off ith taking off the water bottle, and bandaging each other hands, then the hand shake, the hand shake TO THE CHEST, and then as seen in episode 6, the hug, and finally langa reaching out to save reki and pulling him close. i have a feeling as the episodes go on they are gonna get more "touchy-feeling" and what if langa or reki like touches the others face or brushes hair out their face? like what if,,,,reki forgot his headband or cant find it and he leands over to fix his skateboard or something and langa just brushes the hair out of his eyes? or what if one of them puts their hand on each others cheeks and kisses them? IDK GUYS I HAVE A STRONG FEELING WE ARE GONNA GET A BIT OF ROMANCE- But uh yeah

I have a tone of angsty theories involving adam but i deinfetley think we are going to get a bittersweet ending,,,,

I'll probaby upload more theories later on but these are them so akjdhsa yeah! my dms are open for sk8ti discussion and if u want my discord (which is easier to commuicate on for me) then just dm me!)

#renga #reki #langa #reki sk8 #langa sk8 #sk8 #sk8ti #sk8 the infinity #sobs #*sobs uncontrollably*#MY POOR BABIES I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO THEM BUT THE DIRECTOR IS THE SAME AS BANANA FISH SO WE R IN DANGER-

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yoddream · 4 years

Text

missing | z.cl

pairing: chenle x fem!reader

warnings: graphic depictions of violence, PTSD, heavy angst, fluff, blood, kidnapping, nightmares, suicidal thoughts

summary: chenle saw first-hand how it all affected you

word count: 8.4k

requested?: i think we all know the answer to this question.

a/n: idk why this idea had popped into my head, but it did. it sucks, especially the end. the end is clearly rushed. read at your own risk.

Something was off.

It didn’t take much for the Dreamies to notice. You were declining more of their offers to hang out, claiming you had to study. When you did hang out with them, you were closed off. You kept your distance from everyone, squirming out of hugs when they lasted more than a couple seconds. Your smile rarely reached your eyes, and it would take a few tries to catch your attention. Everyone was worried, but there was one person who was affected the most.

You and Chenle had quickly become friends when you first started as an intern for Dream’s manager. He pestered you until you had finally given in and talk to him, only to learn just how charming the orange-haired boy was. The others were wary at first—and rightfully so—but he managed to get them to trust you. Your internship had ended a couple months ago, but that didn’t stop them from asking for your company. Pulling away concerned them, but they didn’t know how to approach the situation.

When the missing-persons report on you became public, the world felt like it had stopped rotation on its axis. With the way you had been acting, they all thought the dame thing; you left because you were suicidal and didn’t want to be found. That would explain your behavior. You had thought it would lessen the pain. They, unfortunately, had to continue their concerts, but that didn’t stop Chenle.

“Czennies, as you know our good friend, Y/N, has gone missing. If any of you know anything, please tell the police. We’re very worried about her, and we just want her home safely.”

He was yelled at by their manager for that, but his friends thought it was a great idea, so they started doing it at every concert in hopes of something coming about that would help locate you, even if it was just to get closure.

“Nothing is working!” Chenle yelled after a concert in Busan.

“Chenle, it’s going to take some time,” Renjun said softly.

“They need to find her before she hurts herself! There’s over a 90% chance that they’ll be too late by the time she’s found!” the younger boy snapped.

“You have to accept the fact that they may not find her alive,” Haechan said bluntly.

“No! No, she can’t be dead. I can feel it,” he rambled.

“Hyung.” Chenle whipped around to face Jisung. His best friend never used honorifics with him. “Please. I’m worried about you.”

A couple hours later, Chenle was hold in his room back home, ignoring texts from other members of NCT. They thought he was crazy, but he just had hope. His world would crumble if they found your body. While he would never admit it to his groupmates, he loved you. Losing you would leave a whole in his heart that one else would ever be able to fill.

Nobody knew of his feelings for you. He made sure to hide them. He knew they would tease him whether you were there or not, so he didn’t have a choice. He wanted you to stay in his life, so his love for you was buried deep in his soul.

SM decided it was best to give Chenle a couple weeks to calm down and work on his mental health. He was losing sleep every night due to your disappearance, and they felt his insistence you were alive was the start of a breakdown. The press release was vague, stating he would take a short hiatus for his health, so he was ordered to stay home and leave his house discreetly whenever he was to go in public. He felt he was a disgrace to the company, and it only caused his depression to worsen. His phone laid ignored, notifications adding up with each passing minute.

“Chenle, honey? Your friends are here to see you,” his mother said one day.

He lifted his head from his pillow as the other Dreamies filed into his room. Jaemin was the first to hug him, whispering whatever he could think of in the younger boy’s ear. Then it was Jeno, who kept it short and sweet. Haechan was next, making sure his hug was extra tight. Renjun mumbled something in Chinese that caused the other boy to nod. When it was Jisung’s turn, he bravely pulled Chenle into his lap and hugged him. The comfort from it was what made the tears finally fall. Soon, Chenle was sobbing into his best friend’s neck, mumbling about how much he loved you. The others gasped in surprise, but Jisung just nodded.

“I know, Chenle. I know,” he whispered.

Of course Jisung knew, Chenle thought to himself. If anyone were to figure it out, it would be his best friend. He was nice enough to not acknowledge it until Chenle was ready to talk about it. They wouldn’t be best friends if they didn’t know everything about each other.

There was a giant sleepover that night. Chenle and his mother blew up a few air mattresses and laid them together to create one, giant bed. He was sandwiched between Jisung and Jaemin, tear stains on his cheeks as he fell into a restless sleep.

///

It was a rainy day when Chenle got the call. He was reading the theories on how you were related to his health on Twitter. The two-month mark had passed a few days before, so he was desperate to find something, anything that would somehow give him a lead as to where you were. His phone was vibrating with a call, but he ignored it. When it started up again, he groaned and declined, spotting Haechan’s contact that ran across the screen. When it rang a third time, this one from Jeno, he finally answered.

“Why are you guys blowing up my phone?” he asked. “Shouldn’t you be at—”

“Chenle, they found her,” Jeno interrupted.

The younger boy’s heart stopped. “What?”

“They—they found Y/N. She’s alive.”

Chenle managed to get the hospital’s name out of Jeno before hanging up. He changed quickly and threw on a baseball cap before running all the way to the hospital, too impatient to wait for his family’s driver. He was out of breath by the time he reached the building, but that didn’t stop him from running up three flights of stairs to get to your room. He burst through the door and barely acknowledged your family and his friends, his eyes landing on you.

There were bruises and cuts all over your face and body, from what he could see. Rings of black and blue were painted on your wrists, indicating you’d been tied up. There was a handprint around your neck, which terrified him. Your face was swollen from being hit multiple times, a couple gashes on your eyebrow and cheek stitched up. Your left leg was in a cast, the top of it hitting just under your knee, and your dominant arm was in a sling. He sneakers squeaked as he took a couple steps forward from the water that was soaking his clothes and skin. He noticed you were asleep, so he stopped in his tracks.

“What happened?” he finally asked.

“A few fans called in tips that would lead to her location. They found her in an empty warehouse a couple hours away,” your mother explained. “They know she was kidnapped, but they don’t have anyone arrested yet.”

“Do they think whoever took her will be back to the warehouse?” Haechan questioned.

Your father shook his head. “From what they could see, she was abandoned. She’s very lucky to be alive.”

A couple nurses walked in at that time to run some tests, dismissing everyone temporarily. Chenle watched through the window as your chest rose and fell with each breath you took. He was so happy that you were alive, even if you were as beat up as you were. He knew your recovery would be very long, but he promised himself he would be by your side very step of the way, even when the physical injuries were healed.

The next day, Chenle found out you were in a medically-induced coma to help with the swelling in your brain. They were going to keep you under for another day before weaning you off the medication. He sat with you for a couple hours before deciding to head out with the other Dreamies for lunch, knowing there was nothing he could do at the hospital except stare at you until visiting hours were over.

The Dreamies could see that his smile was getting closer to reaching his eyes. It would take you waking up and talking to him for him to be happy again, but he was a step further than yesterday, and that was what mattered.

///

Chenle wasn’t there when you eventually woke up. That would be too predictable. You came to around three in the morning, and the bright lights scared you. Without knowing your new environment, a bloodcurdling scream left your throat in hopes of somebody hearing you and calling for help. A door nearby flew open, and there were multiple footsteps that raced towards you. You continued screaming as you fought against their grasp. The figures above you were blurry, but they seemed to be wearing scrubs. You feared you were in some sort of lab, even though that seemed unlikely.

“Y/N, it’s okay! It’s okay, you’re in Seoul! You’re in the hospital in Seoul!” That sounded like your mother, but you could be hallucinating.

“Let me go! Let me go!” you screamed. “Mom! Dad!”

“We’re here! We’re here, sweetheart.”

You couldn’t tell if your body melted at the nickname or some sort of drug. Either way, you stopped fighting, and you quickly lost consciousness again.

When you woke once more, you could see better. You were in a hospital room, with an IV connected to your arm. There were flowers on a table nearby, and balloons tied to a chair in the corner. You knew the balloons were from Haechan; he probably popped one or two on the way there to scare Renjun. The thought of it made you chuckle to yourself, but you winced at the pull of your throat.

The door opened, and your parents stared in shock at you sitting in bed, eyes opened and completely calm. Then, your mother burst into tears and rushed forward to hug you. You tried not to groan at the impact, but your whole body was screaming in pain. She pulled back and apologized profusely, your father pulling her towards him with an arm around her shoulders.

“We’re so glad you’re okay,” he said. “We were so worried when you didn’t come home from work.”

“How long have I been here?” you said. Your voice was very scratchy, but you knew it would be a while before it was completely back to normal.

“A few days. They had to put you in a coma to help with your injuries,” your mom explained. “Oh, the boys will be so happy to see you’re awake!”

“I don’t want to see them,” you stated quietly.

Your parents frowned, but the doctor walked in before anything could be said. You were run through tests to check your mobility and memory. Your memory seemed mostly fine, and the mobility in your left arm was limited from having your shoulder dislocated. Everything seemed fine, physically.

A couple hours passed where you sat in silence, staring at the wall in front of you. You didn’t know how long you were stuck like that until a nurse shook you lightly. When you looked over, she had a clipboard in her hand, and her brows were furrowed. You wondered how long it took her to catch your attention, but that thought quickly left your mind.

You were aware of time passing, but couldn’t keep track of exactly how much. The room got dark as day turned to night, and your parents headed home to sleep with the promise of visiting as soon as they were allowed. A kiss was pressed to your hair by your father before the door closed, and suddenly the company went from three to one.

With nothing to distract you, all that ran through your mind were thoughts of your captivity. The bright lamp on your face, the dry air, the ropes as they cut into your skin from being tied too tight; it was painful to think about, but you couldn’t stop. You thought of the hands that wrapped tightly around your neck, the fists that pummeled your face, the boots that broke your ribs.

A hand on your arm snapped you out of the hole you were spiraling down in your head. You looked up and found a familiar pair of eyes on you. Your brain acknowledged the hand that seemed to knows what its touch could do to you, as it had pulled away.

“Hey bud. How you feelin’?” Haechan asked.

Looking around, you noticed that all the Dreamies were there. You shrugged and muttered a “fine,” that you knew none of them would believe, but you didn’t have it in you to care. Chenle was in the chair beside you, wringing his hands. You knew there were so many questions that were on the tip of his tongue, and that he was doing everything he could to hold them back.

Jaemin took it upon himself to start a conversation with Jisung and Chenle about their next video. It relieved some of the tension in the air, making it more breathable. The words went in one ear and out the other, but not having the feeling of everyone’s attention on you was like taking a sip of cold water after being in the heat for so long with nothing to drink.

The door opened, and two men in suits stepped in. All conversation halted at the sight of new company. They introduced themselves as the detectives that were working on your case, and they were there to question you. Everyone started to leave, but your hand shot out to grab Chenle’s wrist. Your eyes were trained on the wall, but you asked him to stay. He looked to the detectives, who nodded, and he sat back down. The door closed quietly as the rest of the Dreamies left.

///

Jaemin was pacing back and forth as they waited for the questioning to end. Not being able to see you when you’d been gone for so long felt like torture. He wanted to baby you like you were Jisung, cook you food and tuck you into bed. He wanted to cherish those moments with you. He always cherished every second he spent with the people he loved, but almost having your presence taken away permanently fueled the fire.

The door opened suddenly, and the detectives walked out. Chenle followed with shaky legs. His face was white, and he looked horrified. The Dreamies rushed forward to check on him.

“What happened? What’d she tell them?” Renjun questioned.

Chenle looked at them. “She was kidnapped by sasaengs.”

Nobody said anything, nobody moved, not one person took a breath for ten seconds. It was known that sasaengs would go to incredible lengths to get what they wanted, but kidnapping their friend? What did they gain from it?

“Somebody got her phone number, and they were texting and calling, telling her that she didn’t deserve to be our friend, that we didn’t care about her, we hated her, and that she was nothing,” Chenle continued. “They did everything they could to knock her down, and when it wasn’t enough, they kidnapped her in hopes that we would forget, that we wouldn’t care. She thought she was going to die. They actually talked about killing her.”

“Oh my god,” Jeno mumbled.

“How the hell has she not shut down?” Haechan asked.

It was a question that not even you could answer. You had dreams of standing at the edge of a cliff, staring down at the ground that was hundreds of feet away. You so desperately wanted to take that step forward and feel the air rush through your hair as you plummeted to the ground, but dreams were difficult to control. Sometimes, you wished the dream was real so you could take that step.

A couple days later, you were alone in your hospital room. Your parents had gone back to work when they realized you wouldn’t be talking to them anytime soon. The Dreamies would visit when they could, but they still had to practice for their concerts. The others stood at a distance, wanting to give you the space you needed, but Chenle stuck by your side, sometimes playing with your fingers when you weren’t as tense. They would try to get you to talk, but when you didn’t, they started conversations amongst themselves, not wanting to push you past your limit. You knew they felt guilty for what had happened to you, but there was no reason for them to. You wanted to tell them so, but a small part of you couldn’t help but hate them for what you went through. It wasn’t their fault, but if you’d stopped being friends with them after your internship, you wouldn’t be lying in a hospital bed.

It was a windy day when you were discharged. Your parents brought you home, their bodies practically vibrating with excitement. When you were brought to your room, you could see how they’d kept everything in place. There wasn’t a single speck of dust, and your sheets were changed. Everything else looked the same as the last time you’d seen it.

“Just let us know if you need anything, sweetheart,” your mother said before shutting your door quietly.

Even though the car ride was fairly short, you were still exhausted. Hitting as many bumps as you had, your whole body ached, and you’d taken a couple pain pills when you arrived home, so they were kicking in fairly quickly. Your movements were lethargic, and soon your eyes were closing.

The sky was cloudy as you stood at the edge of the cliff. You looked down and spotted an ocean, which was different from the usual view. There was a feeling of calm that had settled over you as you watched the waves. The sounds of the water crashing against the rocks, the smell of the salt of the sea, and the wind that caressed your face.

Suddenly, an unknown force pushed you off the cliff. You opened your mouth to scream, but nothing came out. You looked back to see a figure without a face, their features blurred out. You looked to the water and finally let out a scream as your body was getting closer to hitting the water. Just a few more feet—

You woke up with a start. Your chest was heaving as you tried to catch your breath, and your while body was covered in sweat. Looking out the window, you noticed that the sun was much higher in the sky than it was when you’d fallen asleep, which meant you slept a few hours. There was another presence in the room, but you were afraid to see who it was. Was it one of your parents? One of the Dreamies? Or was it one of your kidnappers, back to take you away again?

“I was wondering when you’d wake up,” Chenle stated. “I was getting lonely.”

You rolled over and stared at the boy, unable to do or say anything. He was sitting at your desk, and in his hand was a snow globe he’d gotten for you when he and Jisung went to Shanghai. Shaking it, he placed it on your desk again before turning his full attention to you. There was a smile on his face, but even from far away, you could tell it didn’t reach his eyes. He was worried about you, and it was difficult for him to hide.

“I brought you some applesauce,” he offered. “I know you’re still having trouble eating solid foods, so I figured this would help.”

You noticed the small cup that was on the desk, a spoon laying over its seal. You tried to sit up, but it was difficult with your injuries. Chenle stood to help you, but his hands hesitated, worried he would upset you if he touched. You nodded slightly, and that was all he needed. You were soon sitting up in your bed, a pillow supporting your back. You reached out for the applesauce, but he held it away.

“You won’t be able to eat it without getting it everywhere,” he said, gesturing to the sling.

You watched as he opened the applesauce and scooped some onto the spoon before guiding it to your mouth. The two of you sat in silence as he fed you slowly, making sure you felt okay enough to take another bite. Once it was all gone, he placed a glass of water by your mouth, a straw poking at your lips. You glared at him, but it didn’t faze him. Sighing, you leaned forward and drank some of the water, thankful for its cool feeling sliding down your dry throat.

Chenle took his spot at your desk and said, “You would not believe what I had to do to stop the others from coming with me. I told them that you would probably be overwhelmed, so they made me promise to let them know when it was okay to visit. Of course, I didn’t know if it was okay, but I wanted to take the chance. Since you’re not screaming at me to leave, I’m guessing I’m allowed to visit. Maybe I’m wrong, and I wouldn’t blame you. I know I’m a lot, and my personality makes it seem like there are two or three people in the room. Honestly, I don’t get how anyone puts up with me.”

Your eyebrows furrowed at that last part. Is that how he felt about himself? Did he really think he was too much for people? He lit up your world, but you didn’t have a way to tell him. You couldn’t find it in you to speak to anyone. Your voice had sounded so foreign when the detectives were questioning you, and it was scary. Something that’d been hearing your whole life suddenly didn’t sound like you. Would that ever change? Would you ever get better?

“Anyways,” Chenle continued, “I should probably get going. You need to rest as much as possible.”

“Stay,” left your mouth before you could stop it.

He froze, halfway risen from his seat. Slowly, he sat down and watched as you averted your gaze, suddenly shy. You hadn’t acted this way since the beginning of your internship, but things were different now, and Chenle had to accept that. He had to accept that it would take time for you to get better, and that you may never be the same again.

You watched as he stayed on the other side of the room, going back and forth between playing games on his phone and watching videos on YouTube. Not once did he text somebody, and you wondered why. If anything, you expected him to give the others constant updates. Something in you warmed at the thought of him keeping everything between the two of you. You knew how hard it was for him to keep things from them, especially when he felt it was important.

As the sun traveled across the sky, you watched Chenle fuck around on his phone, glancing to you every once in a while. Every time he did, there would be a soft smile on his face, and he would quickly turn his attention back to the screen. Soon, it was dark out, and he left your room without a word. Part of you wondered if he’d left, but the rest of you didn’t really care. However, your question was answered a few minutes later when he walked in with a bowl of tomato soup. He has a tray that you’ve seen your dad use for your mom on her birthday every year. You watched as he placed the legs around your thighs.

“It’s close enough so that if you spill any, it’ll get either in the bowl or on the tray,” he told you when you stared at it. “I know that you hate being fed, that it makes you feel useless. It’s all over your face whenever you eat.”

It was like he was reading your mind. This was why Chenle was your best friend; he knew whatever you were thinking, answered questions that were never asked aloud, and gave you whatever you needed before you even knew yourself. He knew you better than anyone, even your own parents.

You picked up the spoon, but it fell from your weak grip. Chenle noticed right away and sat on the edge of your bed. Grabbing the spoon, he started to feed you the soup, even going as far as patting at your mouth with a napkin. You felt like a child in a high chair, even if he wasn’t babying you. The whole thing was embarrassing, and you wished you could disappear.

The moment reminded you of when Chenle had the flu. He refused to eat or drink anything, unable to keep it down. Of course, the other Dreamies were giving him heavy food like dumplings and japchae, when he really needed some soup and a sports drink to help with his dehydration. You were called in the middle of the night and rushed to the nearest convenience store to pick up a few things before arriving at the dorms. You became his caretaker for a week, feeding him when his body felt too weak, and making sure he drank nothing but Gatorade and water.

Once everything was gone, Chenle told you he was leaving and brought the dirty dishes downstairs. You stared at the doorway, listening to him clean everything before bidding your parents goodbye. When the front door closed, your eyes landed on the desk chair that suddenly seemed emptier than it was.

///

The ropes around your wrists cut into your skin, leaving it red and raw. No matter how hard you tried to keep your hands still, you couldn’t help but shift to feel some sense of comfort, even though it seemed pointless since you’d been sitting in the same spot for two weeks. Your clothes reeked of every time you had to relieve yourself, but they wouldn’t let you use some sort of bathroom, even when you suggested someone going with you so that they knew you wouldn’t run away.

A bright lamp was kept on you at all times, making it difficult for you to get any rest. Every time you closed your eyes, it was too bright to sleep, and it wasn’t like you would get much, anyway. The images behind your lids were far too frightening.

A door slammed open somewhere behind you, and you flinched at the sound. Multiple sets of footsteps grew louder as your kidnappers got closer, and you braced yourself for whatever they had in store for you. However, it still surprised you when a hand was suddenly wrapped around your throat, squeezing tight enough to cut off your air supply. A phone was shoved in your face, but you couldn’t see what was on it, for your vision was getting spotty as your body craved for oxygen.

You awoke with a gasp, desperate to get air in your lungs. It wasn’t a dream; it was a memory. It was one of many that haunted you every time you passed out from exhaustion. You tried not to sleep, for you knew what was waiting for you once you were in a deep slumber.

Looking around, you found your phone sitting on the nightstand. The screen was cracked, but it still worked, so it was plugged into the charger. You picked it up and looked up what you remember the person hissing in your face. What came up were articles and videos of various NCT Dream concerts. You clicked on a video and waited for it to load. What played shocked you.

The boys were on stage, and their faces were serious. Haechan was begging the fans to go to the police with information on your disappearance if they had any. When you clicked on a different video, it was Renjun doing the exact same thing. They had used their platform to look for you, and it seemed to work, considering you were lying in your bed instead of in a casket.

It was only a little past two in the morning, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. Suddenly, your phone vibrated with a text. You looked down and froze at the message that was on the screen.

Unknown number: Don’t think this is over. We know where you live.

Scared, you shut your phone off and threw it, unaware of where it landed. You were unsure if they actually knew where your home was located, but you weren’t taking any chances. A voice in the back of your mind screamed to tell somebody about the text, but you just wanted it all to disappear. If it disappeared, maybe the memories would, too.

Chenle knocked on your door before poking his head in. He smiled when you looked over, and it didn’t falter when you didn’t smile back. His heart swelled at the sight of you lying in bed, safe. The bruises on your face were fading, and the cuts were starting to turn into brown scabs. The sling would be able to come off in another week, and then you would be starting some PT exercises. Chenle already promised your parents that he would go to the appointments with you, but what he didn’t tell them was that he was paying for it all. He’d already paid the hospital bill, not wanting them to worry about it. Almost losing you was enough stress.

“Hey! Have you eaten yet?” he asked. When you didn’t answer, he placed his bag by the end of your bed. “Let me get some toast and tea for you.”

Rushing downstairs, he moved around the kitchen to make some breakfast for you. Your mother watched as he worked, admiring how he made everything quickly yet exactly how you liked it. He spread the jam lightly before grabbing the plate and mug and rushing back upstairs.

It felt weird, feeding you toast, but Chenle wouldn’t trade it for the world. Watching you eat and wiping extra jam from your mouth was so much better than you doing it all yourself. You were slowly gaining some strength back after having eaten proper meals, but he knew your arm got tired, especially when it wasn’t your dominant one. He liked taking care of you, even if you looked like you hated every second of it.

Chenle sat at your desk and took his phone out to watch a video. As he was searching through his suggestions, he noticed you were staring at the wall across from your bed. Without a word, he turned on the TV and connected his phone to it. He opened Netflix and put on your favorite movie before sitting back in the chair. Your eyes flitted to him, face unreadable. He simply smiled to you before paying attention to the TV screen.

Near the end of the movie, Chenle looked over and noticed you were asleep. Your chin was to your chest, and your breaths were slow. It looked uncomfortable, but he didn’t have the heart to wake you. He’d noticed the dark circles that seemed to be tattooed to your skin, so seeing you get the rest you needed warmed his heart.

Naturally, it didn’t last long. He watched as your face twisted into something, and small whimpers left your mouth. Standing up, he walked to your bed and gently sat down, not wanting to scare you. Suddenly, you gasped awake. Your eyes were wide, and tears were streaming down your cheeks. You looked around, and that’s when it hit him.

Fear. Fear was the something on your face.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said. “You’re safe now. It’s gonna be okay.”

A sob escaped your lips, and you leaned to the side. When your shoulder hit Chenle’s chest, he didn’t hesitate to hold you as you cried. Your whole body was shaking as anxiety filled your lungs, imitating the feeling of drowning. He rubbed your back to help soothe you, knowing that that was all he could really do.

///

The day you were able to take your sling off, Chenle brought a homemade cake to celebrate. He told you that he made it with the other Dreamies (Jeno strictly decorated) and that they missed you. You wished they could visit, but they couldn’t see you like that. Chenle shouldn’t have, but he always marched to the beat of his own drum. He didn’t hesitate to feed you a small slice of cake, making sure you were okay and full before eating his own.

It was late when a yawn left Chenle’s mouth. He looked at the time on his phone and groaned, announcing he was going to call the family driver to pick him up. You opened your mouth before you could think.

“Sleep here.”

Suddenly wide awake, your best friend looked to you with wide eyes. “What? No, wait, I heard you. I’m just—are you sure?”

You nodded. He left to grab the air mattress he knew was stored in the linen closet. As he was setting it up, you father poked his head, smiling at the scene before him before wishing you two a good night. You winced at the sound of the pump starting up, the sound cutting through the previously-silent air. Chenle sent a sheepish grin your way before running out the room again. When he returned, a pile of sheets and blankets sat in his arms. He worked quickly to set up his bed before opening the bottom drawer of your dresser. The bottom drawer was unofficially his, for he had stayed over countless times.

Once the lights were out and Chenle was settled, he noticed just how quiet your room got at night. The two of you usually talked yourselves to sleep whenever he slept over, but clearly things were different. The window was cracked open, letting the chirping of the crickets float into the room. He could see a couple fireflies on the screen, flickering every few seconds.

A pillow hit his face, and he squawked while flailing. Pulling it away from his face, he saw you turn away from him. He placed the pillow under his head, sighing at the support for his skull and neck. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep, dreaming of riding bikes with you alongside a field of flowers.

It felt like only a few seconds had passed when he was woken up. He looked around for whatever disturbed his sleep. A whimper coming from your bed had his head whipping around to look at you. The covers were pulled over your head, and he could hear you sniffling as you tried not to cry too loudly. Quietly, he stood and slowly pulled the comforter from your head. Your eyes were red and shining with tears that seemed to go on forever. He sat down and started to run his fingers through your hair, feeling like there was something more he should be doing, but he didn’t know what.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He felt you shake your head. “Okay.”

You didn’t fall back asleep, but you calmed down enough for Chenle to head to bed again. Your arm hung over the edge of the bed, so he grabbed your hand and held onto it as he started to fall asleep. You felt his grip loosen as he got closer and closer to dreamland, so you let go. He whined in his sleep, but it was forgotten quickly.

Throughout the night, your eyes stayed on Chenle’s sleeping form, studying how the muscles in his face were so relaxed. Your face hadn’t looked like that since before everything that had happened. You craved to be able to be that vulnerable again, to have that feeling of nothing upsetting you. You wanted to feel safe in your own bed.

It was around eight or nine when Chenle finally woke up. He turned over and froze when his eyes met yours. You looked even more exhausted than before, and that worried him. Sitting up, he asked, “You didn’t go back to sleep, huh?”

You shook your head. He didn’t push for an explanation, but you gave one, anyway. “I’m scared.”

“Huh?”

“I’m scared to sleep.”

“Do you have nightmares every night?” You nodded. He got up and sat on the bed, throwing an arm around your shoulders. “Well, I will be there every time you have one, so that when you’re scared, you won’t be alone. I just want you to get some rest.”

“Do you think they’ll go away?” you questioned.

He looked down to you with a sad smile. “Not completely, but I think with time, they’ll be less frequent.”

For the rest of the day, you sat in silence as you watched one of Chenle’s favorite movies. He was sitting in an armchair that sat in the corner of the room, curled into a ball with a blanket thrown around his shoulders. He looked so soft, and a part of you yearned for his touch, for him to hang off you like he’d done in the past countless times, but the two of you knew that it would be a long time before you were comfortable with that kind of affection.

///

You so desperately wished that you were living a fan-fiction life, where Chenle’s presence made all the nightmares suddenly disappear, but that would never be the case. The harsh reality was that you were traumatized, and you would be reliving those memories until the day you died.

It were getting easier at hiding the nightmares from Chenle. He thought you were getting them every other night, when you were really muffling your heavy breathing and whimpers on the nights he thought you were free of dreaming of your captivity. Those nights were the hardest, but he could never find out. You didn’t want to disappoint him.

There was one question you wanted to ask him, but you didn’t know how to bring it up. He was always so happy to see you, and you felt like the question could drive him away, no matter how innocent it was. Chenle could tell that something else was on your mind, but he didn’t want to push it for he feared he would also push you away.

It had been so long since the two of you felt you couldn’t talk about something. It was unnerving, thinking about how there was something that was getting between you and your best friend. It got so bad that you finally asked him once the lights were off.

“How are you able to stay here so much?”

Chenle looked to you from the air mattress. You were peeking over the side of your bed, the bottom of your face hidden. The moon was shining through the window, giving your skin a soft glow. He wanted to take a picture of you, to capture your beauty.

Clearing his throat, he said, “Management placed me on hiatus. They felt I needed a mental-health break.”

There was a short pause. “Is it because of the concerts?”

His cheeks heated up, but it was luckily covered by the darkness. “You know about that?”

“Yeah. I, uh, I had a nightmare about when they found out, so I looked it up.” Another heavy pause. “Thank you. For doing that, I mean.”

A small smile appeared on Chenle’s face. “Anything for you.”

The two of you fell asleep shortly after, and when you woke up from yet another nightmare, he held you a little tighter. It didn’t do much, but the both of you still needed it.

The next morning, Chenle was cleaning your room while you showered. Clothes littered the floor, so he was putting them in your hamper. A flash caught his eye, so he looked around and found your phone. Why is this over here? He pressed the power button and waited for it to turn on. Suddenly, it was buzzing with notifications of unread texts and missed calls, all unknown numbers.

Unknown number: Stay away

We’ll make sure they’ll never see you again

We will find you, just like we did last time

Say goodbye to your parents

“What are you doing?”

Chenle whipped around, eyes wide with shock. You were in clothes from his drawer, water dripping onto the white cotton of your t-shirt. You were leaning heavily on your crutches, obviously tired from moving around so much.

“I, uh—”

Your eyes grew wide with panic once they landed on what he held in his hands. “Shut it off.”

“What? No, Y/N—”

“Shut it off, Chenle.”

“But—”

“They’re tracking me, shut it off!”

Chenle scrambled with the power button before finally turning off your phone. Dropping it to the floor, he looked to you and asked, “What the hell was that?”

“It’s nothing,” you mumbled.

“Don’t lie to me.” You flinched at his tone, and his face immediately softened. “Y/N, I’ve never lost my patience with you since we met. Please don’t change that now.”

Sighing, you said, “A few months before I was abducted, I was getting phone calls and texts from sasaengs, telling me to stay away from you guys, that I was pathetic, you guys pitied me, whatever they could think of. I don’t know how they got my number, but I wasn’t too worried about what they told me. I thought they would’ve stopped once I was found, but it started up the night after I came home. They said they know where I live.”

“We’ve got to take this to the police,” he stated.

“No.”

“Y/N, this is your life we’re talking about.”

“I don’t want to go to the police.”

“Why not? This could help your case!”

“I just want it to disappear!”

You rocked forward on your crutches, but Chenle managed to catch you in time. You sobbed loudly into his shoulder, the emotions finally spilling over from holding them in for so long. His heart ached at how broken you sounded. He held you as tight as possible, wanting so badly for you to feel safe in his arms.

“I d-don’t want to deal with it. I j-just want it all g-gone,” you wailed.

“I know. I know, love bug, but they need to pay for what they’ve done to you,” he explained. “Look, we’ll bring it to the police, and if we need to, we’ll get you a new phone.”

You sniffled. “Haven’t heard you call me ‘love bug’ in a while.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’ll make sure to use it more.”

When Chenle finally convinced you to take your phone to the police, they found out within a couple days that the kidnappers had tracked you through your iCloud. Wanting to play it safe, Chenle got you a brand-new phone under his account and helped you write down all the contacts that you wanted to save. He refused to let you pay for anything, telling you not to worry about it.

That night, Chenle slept in your bed with you. When you had a nightmare, all he had to do was reach the few inches to grab you; it was much easier than him stumbling on the air mattress. You were on the cliff again, but when you looked back after being pushed, your eyes had landed on Chenle’s face. You knew it was only a dream, but a part of you still wanted to get as far away from him as possible. Even after you’d calmed down, he didn’t let you go. It felt nice, being held. The warmth from his body seeped into your skin, and you could feel yourself falling back asleep. You tried so hard to stay awake, but then Chenle pressed a kiss to your forehead with a mumbled, “sleep, love bug,” and you didn’t want to disappoint him.

With an undercover-cop car stationed outside your house, the air seemed a little lighter. Your parents weren’t checking on you as much, seeming to feel more comfortable with leaving you alone. Chenle was still staying at your house, not having left even once. You wondered how he wasn’t getting cabin fever like you. He hadn’t gone anywhere since you told him he could sleep over. His drawer was luckily filled with enough clothing to last a little over a week, so it wasn’t too bad.

Chenle was able to convince you to contact the others. It started out with a FaceTime call that ended up with you in tears and the Dreamies panicking, but you assured them that it was just because you really missed them, and then they ended up crying. Jaemin and Haechan were, obviously, playing it up and acting like they hadn’t seen you in years. Jisung had Jaemin draped over him, and he tried to act pissed, but you knew that the older boy was actually comforting the maknae.

When your cast was finally taken off, the first thing Chenle did was take you to the park—after getting permission from the officers, of course. There was still a boot on your leg, but you were able to walk around. He pushed you on the swings for a while before something caught his attention. You watched him walk a few feet, bend down, and grab a flower that was growing by a tree. When he came back, he placed it behind your ear and smiled.

“Beautiful,” he mumbled.

You weren’t like the other Dreamies; you knew Chenle was in love with you. He tried to hide it, but the look in his eyes told you everything you needed to know. You loved him too, but the problem was how different your lives were. Being friends with the guys and even knowing the rest of NCT was unbelievable enough, but your best friend also returning the feelings you’d had since you met him? You were intimidated, to say the least.

It didn’t help that he’d confessed to you the first time he was drunk. You were the only one that remembered, though.

///

Chenle was in the shower when he heard a loud thump. Worried that you’d fallen, he hopped out and put on his clothes quickly, not even bothering to dry off. He was about to call out your name when there was a voice he didn’t recognize. Creeping down the hallway, he peeked through the crack in the doorway and froze when he saw the gun. It was pointed directly at you, and your hands were up as the girl in front of you rambled. He heard his name a few times, but her Korean was too fast for him to comprehend. He continued down the hallway and entered another room, flicking the lights rapidly for the officers outside. He heard car doors close, so he sneaked back to your room.

“Just do it,” he heard you state. “Fucking kill me. Add murder to your charges.

“Do you really think you’ll get me to doubt myself?” the girl asked.

“Did you not hear what I fucking said?” you snapped. “Kill me! I’d rather be dead than deal with the trauma you and your idiot friends gave me for the rest of my goddamn life! Go and pull that fucking trigger. The guys will mourn me for who knows how long. Is that what you want? To cause them pain? Do you want to be the reason why they won’t want to work on anything?”

“Shut up.”

The cops were down the hall, but Chenle wouldn’t move from his spot. “You don’t get it, do you? What makes you think this will solve anything? Kidnapping me did nothing. They still cared about me. They fucking looked for me. Getting rid of me will do nothing but make them hate you even more than they already do. You’ve got nothing to lose, right? You’ll be going to jail, anyway. So, pull the fucking trigger and end it all.”

Chenle’s heart seized at the words that were spewing from your mouth. Did you really feel that way? He knew you were struggling really badly, but did you really want to die?

The next few seconds were an absolute blur. The police pushed past him and managed to get the girl to surrender. As soon as she was in handcuffs, Chenle rushed forward and threw his arms around you. You started sobbing into his shoulder, but it felt like you could finally breathe.

“Please tell me you didn’t mean any of that,” he mumbled.

You shook your head. “No. I don’t wanna die.”

When you pulled away, Chenle placed a hand on your cheek. He wanted to look at your face and make sure you were telling the truth. However, a noise was swallowed by you when you surged forward and pressed your lips against his. He was taken by surprise, but it didn’t take long for his brain to catch up. His heart fluttered when you stepped back with flushed cheeks.

“What—” he started.

“I’m tired of being scared, okay?” You looked him in the eyes and smiled. “I love you. Like, a lot. And I know you love me. I was scared of starting anything with you because of how popular are and how the fans reacted when we were just friends, but my life has been on the verge of ending too many times, and I can’t live without taking this chance.”

Chenle’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he finally asked in a small voice, “You love me?”

You nodded. “How could I not?”

Grinning, he threw his arms around you and laughed, ignoring the detective that walked in to question the two of you. It wouldn’t be easy, being in a relationship with Chenle with the trauma that you had from his sasaengs, but his love outshined your fear, and you were willing to take that leap of faith from the cliff with him, hoping your landing would be easy. With him, anything was.

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aliceslantern · 4 years

Text

Heartlines, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 25-- Deconstruction/Reconstruction

Twelve years ago, Xemnas betrayed the royal court of Radiant Garden to his father, Xehanort. Prince Ienzo flees to another city and begins university in the aftermath, hoping the anonymity will protect him from eager eyes with ill intent. The darkness spilling across the country, as well as an individual from his past, cut short Ienzo's new beginning and bring new conflicts to light. Strained between the desires of his magic and his heart, Ienzo's choice will change him forever.

Modern Fantasy AU, Soulmates, Zemyx. Updates Fridays until it's done.

Chapter summary: With Radiant Garden under control of the resistance, it's time to rebuild. Ienzo tries to repair the damage done to his family.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

White sheets. Cool air. Color and light. He felt so heavy, and it took him a moment of grappling into consciousness to realize it was because he could barely move his legs.

“Ienzo? Love?”

Ienzo turned his head as much as he was able. He seemed to have motion in his upper body, but even that was difficult, like tugging on puppet strings. “Ev-even?” He swallowed.

“Would you like some water? I’ll get some. Don’t move.”

As if he could help it. Blurrily, he saw Even retreat to a corner of this room--the castle infirmary?--and pour water from a pitcher. He knew he should be grateful to still be sighted at all, after using so much magic. He squinted. Even handed him the cup; he could barely close his hand around it, but he managed it at last. Despite IV fluids, he was so thirsty .

“Are you in any pain? I can get you some medication if--”

“No. I’m not. But I can’t… it’s hard to move.”

“...I know.” Even smoothed some of the hair from Ienzo’s face. His own face was pale, pinched, a large bruise along his throat yellowing. “From the magic use. Breaking down a limiter of that strength… then triggering what you did… frankly, it’s a miracle you’re still alive.”

“Will I be like this… always?”

“I’m optimistic you’ll recover yet, but… there may be some lingering effects.”

“What’s happened? How long have I been out? Where’s Amalia? Where’s--?”

“One thing at a time, child. It’s imperative you remain calm.”

Ienzo tried to center himself, tried to take deep breaths. Even took his hand and rubbed it, gently.

“Amalia is safe and well. I suspect Ansem is enjoying having time with her. Once he received some blood replacement, Demyx was fine too. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled you’re awake. It was all rather… dramatic, how it went down. You’ve been unconscious close to three weeks.”

“Aeleus? ...Isa? What of… everything else? Xehanort’s forces? The son who called himself Ansem? He wasn’t in the throne room that day--”

Even’s eyes went blank, and he turned towards the window. “I’m afraid when I… felt your burst of magic--it was felt everywhere, Ienzo, I don’t think you understand--I assumed the worst and I--I did something reckless. He was our jailer, in my old labs, something he no doubt had great pleasure in. For the first time in my life… I acted on impulse.” He looked at his free hand, which was trembling. “I knew you were in trouble, and I--”

Ienzo had never heard Even sound so shaky. He choked down guilt. “You killed him.”

“...He was the gatekeeper.” He’d turned faintly green.

“Was that the first time you took a life?”

“It does not matter. It needed to happen either way.” He swallowed. “I made my way there, with ease. You killed every Heartless in the vicinity. Those that were human were knocked unconscious, or fled.”

“I… I did?”

“...Quite. The initial scouting indicates that… you may have slain every one in the city.”

“It was not conscious,” he admitted. “All I saw was that Demyx was bleeding out and the soulbinding reacted to all that--”

“--and the rush of emotions triggered magic. Of course it did.”

Ienzo lay back a little. “So without the three of them… and no Heartless…”

“The capital city’s under the control of the resistance.” But there was no happiness in his expression.

“Shouldn’t we be… glad? This is among the best case scenarios--”

“The sudden death of Xehanort and two of his sons has caused something like a power vacuum. The people don’t know how to react. There’s still darkness and various devotees of it spread throughout the country. Some states have turned over towards us, but others are… hesitant. Waiting to see might happen. And there are those who are outright fighting. Aeleus and Isa are among the front line, trying to see what can be done to restore order without worsening things. Meanwhile your father is trying to pursue international aid… and research better ways to defeat the darkness.”

“And of you?”

A pause. “I’ve been taking care of you.”

“I’m sure you’ll be relieved to go back to research, then.”

Even reached forward to smooth Ienzo’s hair. “To be truthful, it has been nice, to have this space to think. To consider.”

Ienzo understood. “...It’s alright if you’re upset, Even.”

“It is so silly , that I feel such guilt for killing one who’s killed thousands with his actions--but my feelings are not important.”

“I’m sure that’s not the case.” Ienzo struggled to sit up; Even adjusted the pillows under him. “So much for fighting back.”

“I think you’ve done enough. You must recover for what comes next.”

“Amalia. I need to see her.”

He hesitated.

“Please, Even.”

“...Quite.” He seemed to go a little deeper into himself. “Perhaps there will be one day when I’m not constantly in fear of your life.”

“I sincerely hope so.”

Ienzo watched him leave the room. He’d never seen Even so scattered before, so almost… unsure . Had something else happened he was not telling Ienzo, about the man calling himself Ansem? That bruise…

He hadn’t been conscious long, but he was already exhausted. He could still feel his legs, but moving was the problem. Perhaps he could get a wheelchair, and get around that way? He couldn’t seriously sit around and do nothing while all this fighting happened--

The door opened. In came Demyx, carrying their daughter. She’d gotten even bigger since Ienzo last saw her--another month he’d missed--and she was chewing on a teething ring. “Hey,” he said, softly. Like Even, his eyes were closed off.

“How do you feel?” Ienzo asked.

“Me? Oh, I’m fine. Ugly scar, but oh well, right? How are… you?” Amalia was staring at him, not with fear like before, but perhaps curiosity. Ienzo tried to reach out to her with his magic, but it was like swatting wet laundry; it didn’t come instantly to his call. So instead he reached out one trembling hand. She smiled and handed him the slimy teething ring. “Oh, sweetie, I’m sure daddy doesn’t want that.”

“Could I…” He wasn’t sure he was physically strong enough to hold her.

“Ah… sure.” Demyx pulled the chair closer to the bed and plopped her onto the mattress. “I’ve been… bringing her in here for a while every day. While daddy takes his long nap, right?”

She made a sound like “boo.”

“She talks.” Tears rose to his eyes.

“Well. Vocalizes.”

She clapped her hands together.

“And she can hold herself up.”

“She crawls, too. Ah--like that.” She had dragged herself almost across Ienzo’s lap. “I have a feeling she’ll be running before long.”

Amalia looked up at him and made a noise that could only be expressed as “?”

“Daddy,” Demyx said to her helpfully. “You remember now, yeah.”

“Baba.”

“Daddy. Good.” He smoothed the curls off her forehead.

Ienzo felt a rush of affection which was almost painful. “Look at you, big girl.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. She tugged at the sleeve of his robe. “Can you help me?” he asked Demyx.

“Sure.” He eased her into his lap. Amalia pressed her cheek against his chest. “See? Crisis averted.”

“I’m guessing the curls came from you.”

“The only time my hair was long enough to tell was when I was underwater, so.” He shrugged. Amalia gave him a toothless smile. “Look at you, happy girl.”

Ienzo noticed the difference in his voice when he spoke to the two of them. “Are you comfortable? Here?”

“Oh, yeah. Ansem set us up nice in your old room. If you don’t mind.”

“Why would I mind?”

Another shrug. “Oof, drool patrol.” He grabbed a tissue and dabbed at it. “She’s teething something wicked.”

“Maybe the next time you come you could bring me a book, so I could read to her.”

“She’d probably like that.”

Ienzo wrapped his arms loosely around her, and she let him. Feeling the warmth and weight of her--the subtle twitch of her limbs-- and hearing her little babbling eased this awful ache he’d had for so long. “I missed you,” he said to her. He kissed her head. “I missed you so much. I just… hope we can be a family now.”

“That would be nice,” he said softly. “Wouldn’t it?” The last part he repeated in a goofy voice, and Amalia laughed. “You think you’ll be okay?”

“Even’s optimistic. And I trust him.”

“He’s been up here almost constantly.”

“But the castle is… safe, for you two?”

“Oh, yeah. Magic users crawling out of the woodwork to help. I've still got some fight in me."

“I hope that soon I can be back on my feet, and start being a bigger part of her life.”

“One thing at a time.” Ienzo wondered if he was imagining the flatness in his eyes. “Isn’t that right, Li-li?”

---

It took Ienzo weeks to start feeling something resembling “normal.” For several nights the pain of his healing nerves kept him awake, but at least once it was through with he could limp around a little. He could play with Amalia a little more actively. Physical therapy made him somewhat stronger, and while he had to use a cane to walk more than a few steps, Even believed it would be gone before long.

Members of his family and the resistance ducked in and out. Ansem brought him books, briefed him on the situation as it developed. “Almost feels as though my skills to rule have grown rusty,” he admitted. “It is difficult to tell… which members of parliament left are lying, when they say they did not hold any allegiance towards Xehanort. I’m tempted to dissolve the whole thing and hold elections, but we simply can’t do so at the moment. Making sure our people are fed and safe and cared for is more important than politics at the moment. Thankfully the bordering nations have been kind enough to send along resources and medics.”

“I wish I could help,” Ienzo said. “Being here, waylaid and helpless --”

Ansem just patted his hand. “You jumpstarted a revolution, Ienzo,” he said.

“So I’m told, but I wonder if you all are exaggerating to salve my ego.”

The pat became more of a squeeze. “Control of Radiant Garden was crucial,” he said. “And you achieved that.”

“Only because Xehanort mortally wounded Demyx, and I reacted instinctively--were it not for that my whole plan would’ve collapsed--”

“Ienzo. Why are you being hard on yourself?”

He felt tears in his eyes. “These past six months… I’ve been sitting here in luxury playing silly mind games while my daughter grew up without me, while the rest of you suffered. ”

“You did the best you could with what you had--and you did pretty damn well. This guilt is pointless, Ienzo.”

“I… I know.”

“We are together now. We will rebuild. And I hope things will be better than they were before.”

He sniffled. “Is it over? Can it just be over?”

Ansem drew him into an embrace.

---

Spring began in earnest. Ienzo realized one morning as he woke in the infirmary that the lingering smell of darkness that had hung over Radiant Garden was gone, and a fresh rain brought in the sea air. He no longer needed the cane, but he tired easily, and his legs still ached tremendously. Once he was well enough, he insisted that he be more involved in the reconstruction, insofar as he could.

There was the reality of Xehanort’s youngest son’s experiments. Ienzo had purged the Heartless, but the poor people who had not been transformed were instead traumatized and in some cases catatonic. While there were doctors and psychologists willing to help them, it was hard to tell if they could be helped. Ansem organized national days of mourning for those who had been lost, and released the lists of names so families could have closure. The youngest son had kept meticulous records.

He asked community leaders to come forward with ideas as to help their nation move on. Darkness still existed; but now that people had hope, they were more willing to fight. That, and with the darkness easing, they were getting early signs that the planet could still heal. Ienzo swore he could feel its pulse, its life reaching up to his magic. He wished he did not feel so powerless.

“We don’t want things to go back to the way they were,” Ansem said in a broadcast. “Clearly, “normal” meant “suffering” for some. Darkness… only made that pain more obvious. If we wish to maintain the light, we must heal one another.”

Finally, Ienzo was well enough to go back to his rooms, and begin repairing his family… because it was going to take a lot of work. Amalia was more familiar with him, more comfortable, but still she always looked towards Demyx when she needed something.

And there was the matter of… Demyx.

At first Ienzo thought the distance between them was all paranoia on his part, but it became clear in the way Demyx spoke to him, especially when it came to their daughter. “You dressed her in that? She hates that one, it’s itchy against her scales.” “Sure. You can do that. I guess.” “Look, I know you’re trying, but strawberries give her gas .” “You let her nap too long. Now she’s not going to sleep through the night.” That, and the flatness in his eyes. It wasn’t openly unfriendly, but it lacked the warmth that they’d had before.

More straining than this, in some ways, was sharing a bed. Ienzo had honestly been looking forward to reconnecting on a physical level--he hoped it would help him sleep the deep way he had when they lived together--but that first night Demyx just rolled onto his side and fell asleep. He let it go a few nights, wondering if it were just a pain of readjustment, if he were just used to sleeping alone. Finally, he just got fed up and crawled over to spoon him, jerking him out of his sleep. “What are you--?”

“Trying to touch you?”

“Well could you please not?”

For a moment there was just silence.

Demyx exhaled heavily and ran his hand through his hair. “Look, I… I’m sorry for snapping. But I… I’m not comfortable .”

Ienzo swallowed and felt a lump in his throat. “Would you prefer I slept elsewhere?”

“No, it’s… it’s fine.”

Ienzo eased back to his side of the bed. He knew he would not be able to sleep. As it was, he was struggling not to cry.

The next day they behaved as normally as they could in front of their daughter, but when Ansem came and asked if he could spend some time with her, Ienzo agreed before Demyx could get a word in edgewise. “We need to talk,” Ienzo said.

Demyx wrinkled his nose. “Do we have to?”

“Yes. We do.” Ienzo was surprised to feel his temper flare, but he kept it in check. “Look, we’re… we’re parents, and we’re soulmates . A lot has happened, and you have a right to feel the way you do. But that can’t begin to heal if we keep ignoring it.”

He seemed to not know what to say.

“How do you feel, Demyx?” Ienzo asked.

He rubbed at his arm. “I feel like… I feel…” He swallowed. “Something’s just wrong ? With me?”

“You’re processing.”

“Not that. I don’t know. For a long time I just missed you so much it hurt, and I didn’t know how I was going to do any of it, be her dad, or…” He trailed off, a flush darkening his face. “And then I saw you again, and you were alive, and I was so happy and so relieved and I don’t know what happened since then. Something’s wrong.”

A suspicion slid into place, and Ienzo’s voice shook when he asked, “wrong how ?”

Tears flooded his eyes. “I don’t feel anything. When I look at you. You’re the father of my child. But it’s just… I feel like… I was meant to be her dad, but… I don’t know if I’m meant to be with you?” His voice quivered and broke. “I want to. I want to be in love with you again. But I…”

“I think I understand,” Ienzo said woodenly.

Demyx hesitated. He stared at Ienzo for a moment, and then he took a few steps forward and kissed him, hard.

And it was different.

Physically, it felt the same, the way they moved together. But it was just a nice kiss, without the heavy reassurance that yes , this is part of you, everything is safe, everything is okay.

In his mind’s eye, Ienzo saw Xehanort gouging him below the heart. “Oh,” he said softly.

“What’s wrong with me, Ienzo? Am I just depressed?”

“No,” he said. Numbly, he pulled away.

“...What?”

And then he started laughing.

“ What ?”

Once he began, he couldn’t stop, until tears were running down his face, and he couldn’t breathe, and somewhere the gasps of laughter became sobs, and he was curled in a ball on the floor. He felt Demyx’s hand on his back, warm but the touch was so wrong .

“Ienzo. What is it?”

He looked up. “Xehanort broke the soulbound.”

#heartlines #ienzo #demyx #zemyx #even (kingdom hearts)#ansem the wise #child oc - amalia

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foxyotomelady · 5 years

Text

Another love, Chapter XIV (JuminxReader)

Author’s notes:

It's the last chapter :( I feel so empty ;-; This story was different from the previous ones. For some reason, I got attached to it. Maybe because it was longer than the previous ones - and at the beginning, I didn't plan so many chapters!

BUT, I already have an idea for another story, lol. I don't know where these ideas come from, my head's just spitting out one after another. I'm planning the next story to be a slow burn, but we'll see... This one was supposed to be a slow burn too, and we landed in Jumin's arms quite quickly, lol. This guy... He's hard to resist.

Thank you to everyone who followed this story, liked it, and reblogged it. Your reactions make me feel like writing more <3 I even used to write at work, so...

We will all miss you, Yoon T-T

Buy Me A Ko-Fi Have a nice reading!

A few days have passed since the unfortunate conversation with Jumin's father. He obviously didn't show how much this situation affected him, but you knew him too well. You saw anxiety in his slightly less controlled movements, including how he massaged his temples when you were drinking wine together in the evening. In his seemingly steel look, in the depth of which was sadness. Today you decided to visit him in the office. You've never done this before, you didn't want to bother him with your person while he was working. However, it was different now - you knew he would need your presence to relax. Of course, you traveled to his company building with Yoon. When Driver Kim came for you, Yoon wanted to sit in the bodyguard seat separated from the last one, but you convinced him to join you. He didn't speak for most of the way, unlike you - you felt at ease with him, so you were chattering like crazy. "Ms. Y/N," Yoon said suddenly, interrupting your tale of how you are happy that Elizabeth the 3rd is again at home. "Is Mr. Han planning to fire me by any chance? Again?"

You blinked, "What? Why?" Yoon scratched his cheek, "You know, miss... Last time Mr. Han did not look pleased that I saw you in a fairly immodest state." You couldn't help but giggled, "I'm sorry, it's my fault, but don't worry. You can always count on me. I will never let Jumin fire you." Yoon sighed, "Thank you, miss, you are too good to me. I am glad that Mr. Han is starting to act differently towards you, more... healthy." "Yes, Jumin opened up and sorted out his emotions. You don't have to worry about me anymore." Jaehee was notified that you would come and even supported the idea. She apparently was also worried about Jumin. Of course, it was already clear to everyone in RFA what was between you two. You didn't just tell them that there was a time when you were locked up in Jumin's apartment... They wouldn't understand and judge him again. When you already were in the company building and said hello to Jaehee, she glanced you up and down, then sighed, "Are you here to help Mr. Han relax and focus or to distract him?" You felt your cheeks starting to burn. Well, maybe you dressed a little too defiantly... You were wearing a fairly tight red dress, which exposed your back in the cut almost to your very bottom. Well... You may have exaggerated with it a bit! Jaehee adjusted her glasses, "Well, let's go. What could go wrong?" She knocked on Jumin’s office door when you were there, "Mr. Han, you have a guest." "Enter, please." When you came in, Jumin looked up from the pile of papers on his desk. Astonishment appeared on his face, "Y/N?" "Hello, Jumin. I hope I'm not disturbing you." "Of course not. I am very happy to see you here." Jaehee cleared her throat, said goodbye and left quickly. "I have a lot of work, but your presence will only help me," Jumin smiled at you sincerely. You approached him and when he returned to work on the documents, you stood behind him and began to gently massage his shoulders. He was really tense, you could feel it in his muscles. Fortunately, he slowly relaxed under your fingers. "You are an angel," Jumin said, and you embraced his neck and leaned down to lean your head onto his shoulder. "But you look like a devil today. Did you do it on purpose?" "Maybe," You muttered in his ear. "And you said I'm the sly one?" "Hmm... Let's say we are worth each other." Jumin turned his face towards you and kissed your cheek, "If I didn't have so much work, I could do something very inappropriate in this office." "Mr. Han!" Jaehee suddenly burst into the office. Seeing you two so close together and you clinging to Jumin from behind, she stopped with 'I'm so done with this job, can't I change it?' expression on her face. You straightened up a bit ashamed, and Jumin said in his stoic voice, "Is something the matter, Assistant Kang?" "Saeran just sent me something important regarding Sarah and Glam. I printed it for you, sir." Jaehee went to the desk and left a few pages on it. Jumin spread the documents on the desk so that you could both see the content. You did not want to know how Saeran got to such documents, but there was information from the hospital confirming that Glam and Sarah were sisters! The second page said the same thing, but it came from some sort of state documentation. The last page contained some old articles about Glam previous husband, who she has left as soon as his company went bankrupt. You felt chills, put a hand on Jumin's shoulder, and he covered it with his own, "This is very useful information, but I don't know if the documents alone are enough to convince my father. Assistant Kang, inform Sarah and Glam that I want to eat dinner with them. I have to talk to Luciel to give me some recording device. I will have these women confessing in front of me. "

Jumin's POV

The place in the restaurant of his choice in his building was already prepared. The recording device was located under the table. Jumin greeted the two women with an artificial smile, even pushed back the chair for Glam, but did not manage to do the same for Sarah. He hated her too much after what she did to Y/N.

"Oh, thank you, it's so kind of you," Glam squeaked in her annoying voice.

Jumin adjusted his cuffs and sat down at the table opposite women.

"Well, I'm not stupid," Sarah said, with obvious distrust in her voice. "Why did you bring us here?"

Glam hissed at her, "Be more polite, girl. I'm sure Jumin talked to his father and changed his mind about your wedding at last, didn't he?"

"Before we start dinner," Jumin, instead of answering Glam's stupid question, pulled out the documents on the table, "Please, read this."

Both women studied the documents for a long time and paled from second to second.

"Where did you get it from?" Sarah muttered.

"It doesn't matter. However, I think this information will appeal to my father."

"No!" Glam growled. "You can't show him that!"

Sarah shrugged, regained her confidence, "Let him show this to his father. This old man will believe everything you tell him, sister. He even believed that that Y/N girl came up with kidnapping to frame me. He's a fool. These documents are no threat for us. "

Jumin smiled to himself. It was going better than he expected. He didn't think Sarah will tell her secrets so soon - but she was an arrogant and stupid girl.

"These documents come from credible sources, so I think my father will think about them seriously," Jumin continued. "As for the abduction, Sarah. I think he'll think it over again. If you hid from him the fact that you are sisters and that Glam was with her previous husband until his company collapsed, he will stop trusting you two."

Sarah's expression sharpened, and Glam bit her lip. Both were silent.

"I think it just got to you. You are no longer in a winning position," Jumin looked at the women coldly. "I have an offer for you. Something for something."

"Something for something?" Glam asked, interested. "Good, because I'm not going to give up without gaining anything."

"You wanted only one thing from the beginning. Money. You, Glam, my father's money. And you, Sarah, my money. So you'll get it."

The women looked at each other, suddenly pleased. Jumin could hardly believe how dumb and shallow they were.

"So," Glam insisted. "What is your offer?"

"It's simple. Promise me that you will leave my father, me and Y/N alone. That you will never come close to us again, that you will disappear from our lives. I can offer you three million for it. Is that enough?"

Both women's faces lit up. They both looked so comical. Their eyes glowed with profit desire.

"Of course that's enough!" Sarah exclaimed cheerfully but then added, "Well, for a while."

Jumin nodded, "Okay. I will not agree to support you for the rest of my life, because that is what I want to avoid, pushing you away from my family. But when you run out of money, I can promise you will get another three million. I think I'm too generous anyway."

Sarah chuckled, "Is this really happening?"

"I just have enough of you, and this is the easiest way to get rid of you. This solution is beneficial to both sides." The waiters just brought the ordered food and poured the wine into glasses. Jumin raised one towards the women, smiled, "So? Do we have a deal?"

Of course, he had no intention of fulfilling any of the promises he had just made.

The next day, Jumin invited his father to a meeting in his office. He wanted Y/N to accompany him. Now they were both sitting at the low table that was prepared for the guests, opposite his father. Jumin played the recording. His father's face expressed increasing shock and sadness when more and more evidence came to his ears not only that both women had manipulated him, wanted his money, but also actually stood behind the Y/N's kidnapping. Jumin was silent when the recording finally stopped. He waited for his father to speak. Y / N squeezed his hand, which gave him comfort. Although he was glad that his father had finally learned the truth, he also felt restless. He saw that his father was deeply affected by what he had just learned.

"My God..." His father ran over his hair with his fingers, his hand trembled. "All this time... You were right, my son."

Jumin sighed, "I wish I wasn't. But yes, it's all true." "I was so blind." "I can't deny it, father. But this is not the first time that the desire to have a woman has blinded you," After these words, Jumin felt as Y/N tapped his side with her elbow. He looked at her, raising an eyebrow. Her eyes were narrowed. Was she mad at him? For what he said? After how his father treated her, did she still want him to be nice to the old man? This girl... was really amazing. Jumin cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, father. I hope you'll find someone honest one day." His father rubbed his eyelids, and then with a visible sense of shame looked at Y/N, "I owe you a huge apology, miss. I accused you of many things, wrongly. In addition, because of my blindness towards Glam, you have been exposed to danger and you had to go through a lot. Please forgive the old man for his stupidity. " Y/N nodded, "Apology accepted." Jumin felt something fall from his shoulders. Suddenly he felt lighter, and the threads wrapped around his head loosened its grip. "Now, when I look at the scars on your wrists," His father continued, "I can't believe I accused you of planning all this." Jumin gently covered the scar on Y/N's wrist with his hand. For some strange reason, he didn't want anyone to look at it. "Father," He said, "will you do something for me now that you know all this? I know you had an impact on what sentence Sarah got. I want to resume the trial. And I want to ask you to testify. The recording I got will also go to court as evidence. " His father's face became serious. He nodded, "Of course. What's more, this time I will make sure that the bodyguards Sarah bribed also testify and confess everything." "Thank you." The old man looked at Y/N again, smiled sadly, "You are lucky, son. Now I really see it. You found someone who really loves you."

Two weeks later

Your POV

Sarah's trial was swift, with all new evidence and influence of Jumin's father, it went easy. Sarah received a 10-year prison sentence and a large fine. Yuwoon's sentence was also changed - to life imprisonment. Jumin's father, of course, broke off all contacts with Glam and made sure that the media find out how cunning she is.

You've been living in a new apartment for a week. Your place was on the top floor of a guarded apartment building. Jumin, of course, made sure your neighborhood is safe. At first, you didn't want to agree to his idea - you couldn't afford to rent such an expensive apartment, and you didn't want to accept Jumin's money. But after a long conversation - that was your first real fight - you agreed to his help, at least until you found the right job. Jumin also insisted that you feel free to ask Yoon for help if you need extra protection. The building had its own bodyguards, but Jumin didn't trust them as much as his employees.

Today is finally the day when you were supposed to go out with Jumin... You were excited like a kid, you had butterflies in your stomach. It amused you - after all the time you spent in his apartment, after the intense nights spent together, you were nervous now as if you were going on your first date! Well, it was your first date with him. You wondered if Jumin felt the same...

The doorbell rang. You quickly corrected the creases of the dress - one of the ones Jumin bought you, you wanted to please him, so you put it on. You ran to the door, your spike heels tapping on the floor. You let Jumin in, giggling silly. He was looking at you with an equally dorky smile.

"It's quite a fun and unusual feeling... Take you on a date," He stated and took your hands.

"Right? I feel like a child at Christmas."

"Yes, you described exactly how I feel."

You started giggling again and covered your face with your hand, "I can't stop laughing, I'm sorry."

"You look wonderful. I think I should start with that," Jumin stated with a gentle look. "And I have something for you."

You watched Jumin reach into his pocket. He took out a red box from it and gave it to you. You blinked and opened it slowly. Inside were silked red ribbons.

"Ribbons?" You raised your eyebrows, not really understanding.

Jumin carefully removed the box from your hands, pulled out one of the ribbons, "Give me your hand."

You did as he ordered, and he gently tied the ribbon on your wrist, covering the scar with it. Then he asked for your other hand and repeated the action.

"This way, no one else will look at these scars," Jumin raised your hands and kissed your one and then your other wrist.

Butterflies in your stomach fluttered like crazy. You reached for Jumin's face with your hands, stood on your toes and kissed him tenderly.

"That's... so like you," You giggled.

"You don't like it?"

"You know I do."

"Recently I realized that I never told you this... Maybe it is obvious, but I would like you to hear it... I love you, Y/N."

Now you had the impression that butterflies from your belly flew straight into your heart, "I love you too, Jumin."

He pressed his forehead against yours, closed his eyes and sighed, "What a strange being you are, God knows where I would be if you hadn't found me..."*

THE END

*This sentence comes from this song, which I think perfectly reflects the relationship here between Jumin and MC/You.

I don't know how long it will be before I write the next story, but stay tuned! Because it will definitely appear one day :) To leave a small tease of what you have to prepare for, the next story will be inspired by this song. So you know... Get ready for the next drama!

And thanks again for appreciating this fanfic. I enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it!

I love you all ;--;

#and they lived happily ever after #*ugly sobbing*#I got emotional #it's the end #T-T #stay tuned for the next one!#Yoon I'll miss you #mysme fanfic #mystic messenger #jumin #jumin han #jumin x reader #jumin han x reader #jaehee kang

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ethereals-angel · 5 years

Text

Glow (VII)

Pairing: Baekhyun/Reader // Jongdae/Reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: You loved him for years. You knew that. He knew that. Everyone knew that. The looks you give him isn't so surprising to anyone anymore. But, to your pleasure, that didn't stop you two from being friends. And that also didn't stop the fact that he's in love with someone else.

I // II // III // IV // V // VI // VII // VIII // IX // F //

Days have passed by quickly after that encounter with Baekhyun. You couldn't stop thinking about it. How he walked out of the room as if nothing happened.

You were worried over the fact that he had never talked to you until now. It seemed like he had forgotten of your existence all of a sudden.

Funny how he's making you feel this way when you know that he'll never forget about you. You may be the second, after Mina, but you know that he'll always come back to you because you're you. You're his bestfriend.

What made you happy is he seemed to have gotten better. He's smiling more, better than the days before he approached you. And of course, he showers Mina with love and affection like he always does. Though, you barely see him, he might be spending more of his time with her. What's new?

All that, yet you can't help but see through him. You know there's something wrong. His smile never reached his eyes, his laugh never reached his heart, his glow never reached yours. This made you realize that you know Baekhyun more than anyone, you realized that you know him more than anyone ever could. No one could ever replace your place in his life. It might be selfish, but it satisfies you.

You set all your thoughts about him aside. He already has her. If he couldn't see how much you've done, how much you know you are to him, you shouldn't bother anymore. Bitterness flodded your system, but you know you care too much. You know you can never hurt him back. You knew, once he asks you to hug him again after ignoring you and hurting you like that, you would.

You would never do anything to hurt him.

As for you and Jongdae, Baekhyun barely showing up and not talking to you actually helped. You spent more time with him not because you have no choice, it's because you want to. He's creating his own personal space in your heart and it didn't bother you one bit. More to love.

"I want some ice cream." Ria whined at you.

"We just ate so much, Riri. How are you not full?" You said, trying to suppress a laugh as she scowled at you, "besides, you haven't told me what happened."

She sighed, leaning against you. She wrapped an arm around your waist as you held her by her shoulder, "it's Sehun."

You shot your eyes at her, "what happened?"

"I don't know. He's just being so... distant, you know? He doesn't even react to my snarky comments anymore," she complained, "i don't know what to do."

"Have you finally confessed to each other or what?" You're genuinely confused, they have been outright flirting in front of your friends these last few weeks. They still quarreled, but it always ended up with them bursting in a fit of giggles.

She blushed at your question, trying to hide her flushed face from you, making you smile, "yes. I was the first one to tell him about my feelings and he said he liked me too." She paused, you heard a sob coming out of her, "and now he's not even talking to me, have I been fooled?"

Your heart clenched, it's the first time you've seen her like this. She has always been that tough girl you always knew. The only time you've seen her cry was when her pet dog died out of old age, and you were young that time.

"No, no," you shook your head, "he wouldn't do that to you. I know that he likes you. He talks about you a lot when we're together. There must be something else going on."

She nodded, hugging you tightly. You let her cry on your shoulder, gently rubbing her back.

"I believe you."

After tucking Ria to bed and making sure she's okay, you invited yourself out of her room— their room.

The moment you closed the door, you came eye to eye to the man himself. Sehun.

You were about to speak when he avoided your eyes and continued on walking, aiming to open the door of the room. You immediately held his arm, stopping him.

"Sehun, what's wrong?" You asked, softly. You didn't want to drive him away by getting mad.

You're friends with him and Ria. They're both really important to you, and you are more than willing to hear his reasons and help them mend their blossoming relationship.

His eyes are looking at everything but you, "it's nothing."

He was about to leave, your grip on his arm tightened, pulling him back, "please know that you're hurting her."

Sighing, you pulled him into a hug. You tried your best to embrace his large figure. "I know you."

You returned to your room, a huff leaving your lips. You flopped onto the bed, lying down like a starfish. Being a friend is tiring.

Jongdae isn't here tonight. He had to attend to an important matter, he said. For all you know, he just probably had to feed his cousin's pets.

You chuckled, your heart warm. Jongdae has always been the softest.

Your felt your smile slowly leave your lips once you remember the situation between Ria and Sehun. What could've happened?

You know Sehun. He wouldn't do that just because he wanted to. You knew how much he liked her ever since and, now that he can finally have her, he's doing this?

The knock on your door brought you back to reality. You didn't bother moving and told the person behind the door to simply enter, knowing you left the door unlocked.

You immediately sat up when you saw a drunk Baekhyun come into view. He leaned onto the door frame, trying to balance himself. You stood up and ran to him, quickly holding his arms, leading him inside the room, "what... what are you doing here?"

The only response you got was a soft whine, his lips forming into a pout. You practically dragged him into the room, using all the strength you have. God, was he heavy?

Once you finally reached the bed, he fell as if he was a sack of rice, another whine leaving him.

"Baekhyun," you sighed, "really?"

You stared at him, his hair in a mess, he looked so spent, it's so cute. He instantly fell into a slumber when you adjusted him, removing his shoes off his feet.

What did you say about him coming back to you, again?

A deep sigh left your lips for the ninth time that day. You felt relieved when you realized that he wasn't wearing jeans. You won't let him sleep with something uncomfortable because you knew he would wake you up at the middle of the night to ask you to change his pants for him because he felt too spent and drunk to do so.

You threw your body onto the space beside him and stared ahead, so much for those days he was ignoring you.

You thought about how unfair it is to have him right here and suddenly, all the promises you made for yourself are suddenly gone, ignored, and thrown far far away.

So, so unfair.

You had a scowl on your face as you looked at him, you're probably mad at yourself for being so weak when it comes to Baekhyun. But how can't you? He looks so angelic, it stings. His mouth slightly opened, soft snores passing through his pretty lips. His lashes touching his cheeks. The fact that he got a little chubbier made you smile. He looks perfect just like this.

You stared at him a little longer, realizing how much you missed him as you observe every detail of him. Making sure you left nothing unnoticed.

His breathing relaxed and slow, you can't help but touch him, your hands ran through his locks, removing the soft fringe on his forehead. The back of your finger slid down his cheek distractedly.

Your pulse increased when you heard him whisper your name softly, "don't leave me, okay?"

You won't.

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realisaonum · 5 years

Text

Spread the love; be generous with your authors

Several people have asked me what happened to my fics, and for a while, I wasn't sure I even wanted to post a public explanation of what happened, since I have a feeling my reasoning might start Discourse or some crap. However, considering as it’s Thanksgiving and I have already received two asks today over this issue I felt like it might be time to break the silence, because the irony of that was just too much honestly.....[continue reading below the cut]

Before I get into it, I want to say: I am not interested in anyone’s explanations or reasoning for not commenting. Nor do I want their opinion on my decision to take either of my a/k fics down. There is a reason I didn’t make an announcement they would be deleted. Nor is it a cry for attention. It’s not meant to start a discussion. This is not a decision that can be shifted by one or two folks suddenly pretending to give a shit about my feelings now that they have been negatively effected. We’ve all made our choices. It is what it is. I will not be reposting either story. Having said that…..

I’ve spent three years of my life working on these two stories. Over that time, I have gathered a small, dedicated following. I’ve received thoughtful engagement with a lot of my updates of BRM and AK and that’s kept me going in the face of increasing hatred of the source text.

Until part iv.

Of all my adamk fic, this update undoubtedly had the poorest response and it’s not just because it was too long for people to read. I know people read it. They told me. And then….just chose not to elaborate on that.

It might sound a bit bitchy to tally up the number of comments I get and compare their content, but I want to see people engage with my story—and let’s be real there was a lot of part iv to engage with. So when a majority of responses—not just comments on ao3 but other places with people I consider good friends—consisted of basically two sentences telling me they loved it and that it was great or they finished it in one sitting; I was surprised. This is not real engagement. Frankly, only four people gave me a substantive response to part iv of AK.

I had so many people come tell me they had finished it and that it was great and...nothing else. No elaboration about their favorite interaction, not what scene resonated most with them, not even what they didn’t like….Of course, I knew it was a very long section of story to read. It was a lot to process and, like my taking so long to write the story in the first place, I figured if I wanted a thoughtful engagement with what I wrote I would need to be patient.

Only—aside from one very wonderful comment that came a few weeks after I published—that hoped for thoughtful engagement never came.

For several weeks, I had been trying not to look at my feelings about this lack of response head on, because I knew I would only feel let down and frustrated to put it euphemistically. I ask for comments every time I post, but frankly there are only so many ways to ask readers to comment without it becoming debasing. Why should I have to beg for something readers on any fanfiction site should be doing anyway? Complaining about a lack of response or threatening readers to take it down like some kind of mercurial child is embarrassing. Besides, comments written under that kind of duress hardly mean the same as when a reader writes to the author under their own volition.

But I spent a long time working on part iv. I really struggled with sections of it. It was a lot of work and I am very proud of it. I know it has some of my best writing in it and some of the most moving scenes for the characters as well. There was no way this part, where there were so many subplots, so many highs and lows for the characters, so much promise of what was to come, didn’t have something there to resonate with readers. So then they just couldn’t be bothered to tell me their thoughts—which is unacceptable. It was 111k; that’s novel length. It was a novel for free! I spent a year and a half trying to get this right and they can’t spend ten more minutes to write a few sentences about what struck them? Excuse me for expecting too much apparently.

Until a month and a half ago, I never understood why a fic author would delete their work, even if they weren’t gonna finished the piece. But staring down the barrel of two more years of writing (optimistically) to get the last three parts of AK done, only to get a similar—and in my opinion very un-giving—response to something I have dedicated so much of my life and soul to was untenable. Despite all the work I had already put into writing upcoming scenes for AK and BRM and loving them both dearly, I could not in good conscience do that.

This kind of hit and run reading behavior is something I associate with published fiction, not fandom. Knowing people sped read through it and then didn’t take a fraction of that time to communicate their feelings about what they had just read made me feel really gross. Considering how much time I dedicate to writing, when my primary feelings towards my work are of being taken advantage of by my readers, that is not a good place to dwell. It is an especially not good place to dwell when I hate the source text with the passion of twenty-billion burning suns. Clearly, how betrayed I feel about this is not particularly healthy and obviously I need to step away from fandom culture for a bit. So that is what I am doing. I am trying not to be bitter and give myself the space to grieve my two stories because I won’t be finishing them in their original glory.

Now all these people are coming out of the woodwork to demand where my stories went, when they sure as fuck didn’t have anything to say to me when they were still on ao3. I find this to be monumentally disrespectful. I spent a year and a half working very hard on something none of you felt the need to share (with me) that you engaged with in any real sense; you all should know why I took it down. That un-engagement was a clear demonstration to me that you did not care about the effort it took for me to write my fics and that I should be doing something else with my time.

Do you see how ridiculous it is to come talk to me over the stories being deleted when you had nothing real to say when they were up? That's a pretty shitty kind of irony.

Look, I know I’m a good writer. That kind of validation was never what I was asking for. What I wanted to know is what specifically in my writing affected you. I am really not interested in the excuse 'you loved it, but didn’t know what else to say.’ As if I myself didn’t struggle with writing some of my story? Of course I did, but I made an effort and I found a way through it. There are more than enough guides on the internet to help improve a person’s commenting. If you gave a shit, you’d have found a way to communicate how you really felt. Since all these folks know where to find me on tumblr they should be able to find them even easier since I reblog a lot of conversation about this! In case you missed it, here is my tag for supporting authors: https://realisaonum.tumblr.com/tagged/spread-the-love%3B-be-generous-with-your-authors Oh my! I know we say it a lot but fandom artists and fic authors do their work for free—for the love of it, usually. Ideally, that kind of passion—especially with the preoccupation of monetizing EVERYTHING—should be met with a similar enthusiasm. Unbridled geeking is kind of the definition of fandom in the first place. I don’t understand why people have been moving away from that.

Spread the love; be generous with your authors.

Now I am not singling anyone out, obviously. By ‘you’ I mean the general you. It is not the actions or inactions of any one person, but an issue with the collective fandom. For whatever reason, it has become alright to just not comment on fic—including fic you all apparently really fucking enjoy????????? Well, hey, you could have fooled me. Like I said, it is what it is. You all wanted to know why I deleted, so I am here to tell you that kind of behavior affects writers negatively. Shocker.

tl;dr - Folks who don’t comment on a 111k chapter should already know why it was deleted.

Everyone who has the gall to come at me now that my stuff’s gone when they had nothing real to say when it was posted might want to take a hard look at their life choices because that shit, it ain’t cool.

#*hamilton voice: now what i'm about to say may sound indelicate*#the narrator .... was writing #oh look a rant!#it's too bad tumblr won't let you pin posts; maybe i should post this on ao3

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monikafilefan · 6 years

Text

Dead End Road Epilogue

This is ch5 of 5 and has time jumps, and flashbacks. We end with them POST MS1V

Tagging @today-in-fic @baronessblixen @scully-eats-sushi @kyouryokusenshi @skullsmuldon @peacenik0 @lappina @furiouskidcollectorlove @foxanddanapetrie @sculdership @mulder-even-if @postmodernpromartheus @spiritedballroomdancer @xfilesgayepisode sorry if ive missed anyone who has been following along this far.

Epilogue: Life on the run is for Mulder and Scully is now in the past. This is how they fair in their future together.

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A short time later, after composing themselves, they were finally able to follow the rest of the guests over to the building. Scully gave Mulder the look that he’d received whenever she was anxious for alone time, so they decided to forgo the dinner and dancing to get on the road sooner rather than later. They had a marriage to consummate, after all. As they walked hand in hand with their heads in the clouds, they were greeted with a photo station for the guests to get their picture taken as a parting gift.

Mulder looked down at Scully and she nodded. They wanted a memento to take with them for a day like today.

“Hi there, I’m Michelle, would you two like a photo to take home?” the older woman with kind eyes asked while holding up a polaroid camera.

Scully nodded, “yes, please!” Mulder stood next to Scully as the woman readied the camera.

“Okay, I usually offer advice for posing with lighting since it’s getting dark outside now and I’m using this type of camera,” she said, looking down and adjusting the flash. As Michelle looked up and held the camera level, she gasped as her mouth hung wide open and quickly pressed the button, sending off a flash of light that captured Mulder and Scully so naturally holding one another with their emotions shining through.

The seasoned woman cleared her throat and held out the printed polaroid, as Scully and Mulder were still caught up in gazing at each other. They turned simultaneously, separating their entwined bodies as Mulder accepted the photo and Scully blushed.

“I have to say, in all my 59 years here on this earth, I haven’t seen a couple so enraptured with one another like you two are. Your love shines like the sun,” Michelle admitted, giving off an expression of awe.

Mulder grinned like a fool and Scully bit her lip as her pinkening cheeks brightened. They all smiled at one another, saying their goodbyes while Mulder and Scully stared at the developing photo and walked back to their car arm in arm.

As the crickets chirped and the warm breeze blew the stray hairs away from their eyes, Mulder stopped short of the car’s door. “Let’s get off this dead end road we’re on, Scully,” he told her, with the double meaning not going unnoticed. Scully handed him the keys she had in the pocket of her cardigan and they both got in the car as they shared a smile, knowing what step came next.

Leaning over her lap, Mulder snuck in another kiss to her swollen lips as he snagged the map off of the dashboard. He opened it up and smoothed it out across his lap to display the large image of the United States covered in ink with tiny circles and stars, marking their journey over the last two and a half years.

“Same as usual?” he questioned, looking at her with the goofy grin he couldn’t keep off of his face. She nodded with a smirk. One he noted hadn’t stayed off of her face since the ceremony either. “Pick a place any place, Scully.”

Mulder beamed at his now wife and wondered where the hell they would end up this time. Where ever it would be, he knew it would be someplace static, someplace with tangible meaning to them. He was sick to death of running and knew she was too. They hadn’t once come across anyone who had actively sought them out since after those first few months that they’ve been labeled as fugitives. Even though it was still risky, It was time for them and he didn’t give a flying fuck if he had to take out every threat that crossed their path to happiness. Mulder was determined to make a future happen for them instead of having to fight it.

Scully’s choice on where they would go from here would prove to be the first real step in their ‘for better or worse’. “Ready?” she asked.

Mulder grinned wryly and couldn’t help himself. “Let’s get it on, honey,” he laughed, wiggling his eyebrows at his own comment that referred back to when they had to pretend to be a married couple.

Scully scoffed and rolled her eyes but couldn’t hide her amusement. She then shut them tightly, smirking as she waved her hand around dramatically and dropped her finger down on a northeastern state. Laughing at the location, they grinned joyfully at each other as she covered his left hand with hers, rubbing her thumb back and forth along the space of his finger where his wedding band would’ve rested.

“Virginia, here we come!”

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Epilogue:

“The road to happiness has never been a straight one, and yet, it is the only road worth traveling, no matter how curvy or rocky it is!” -Mehmet Ildan

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One year later…

(2005)

Scully closed the office door and walked around the corner to see Mulder frosting bright blue cupcakes in their kitchen. The Cher song they had danced along to after that Great Mutato case over a decade ago played softly in the living room and Scully smiled at Mulder’s romantic gesture.

Frosting smudges, cake batter, and ingredients were strewn all along the counter and wooden dining table. The sight thrilled her in a way that only he could elicit in her. Witnessing Mulder bake was a rare sight over the years since they’d become friends and then more than, but an unbelievably sexy sight to see indeed. Yes, sex and sadness is what another day like today brought for them both. Yet, it seemed that she could handle their son’s birthday without locking herself in the bathroom and breaking down or trying to hide her emotions about it from Mulder. He would feel her discontent anyway from the moment she woke.

Scully had learned over the years—especially within the last year—that it was much more rewarding to lean on Mulder for comfort instead of fighting to find it on her own. Her newly found strength regarding William had stemmed from the talk and promises they had made the year before which only permanently solidified the road they were driving down together. She had also learned that when she did lean, he leaned right back. And goddamn it felt wonderful!

Scully certainly wasn’t naive to believe that their dark cloud would never return to cast shade on their sunshine, but she knew that when it did resurface, they would survive and come out stronger in the end no matter what sacrifices they might need to make in order to find their way again.

It was true that they shared a feeling of loss for their little one who was celebrating his fourth birthday today, but they also shared a feeling of deep, all consuming love for one another.

And she was happy, dammit! They were happy, and it finally felt like they deserved to feel happy.

Smiling wide, she sighed contently at her husband and felt a rush of excitement for the new changes coming to their life. She had received news just days after leaving Florida that her name was cleared and she was free to live life out in the open again, a life with permanency. The news trickled through the underground grapevine via Skinner that Mulder still was considered a fugitive but the priority on finding him had lessened considerably. He had promised that in the future, those who knew the truth about him would be able to set the record straight and him free as well.

Scully knew, with the mass amount of money that they had hidden under false identities, that she still had a few years to find out where and what she wanted to do work wise before the run money ran out. Becoming a practicing doctor was an option she’d thought about taking but she knew that working in a DC hospital would be tricky with their history, whether she were cleared or not. Laying low for as long as possible was the advice they were given three years back, which is what she and Mulder had both agreed was the best option.

But when it came to Mulder, he couldn’t have been happier for her reclaiming her good name and being able to visit her Mother. Yet, she instantly felt a pang in her heart that Mulder wouldn’t be joining her. She’d ended up crying for him, and for William in the hotel shower that night while Mulder was out on his evening run.

That was a year ago. And since then, her Mom has shown up at their home once a month just to visit with Mulder and show him the affection she so desperately missed giving him.

Feeling sudden overwhelming desperation to show her husband affection herself, she moved forward wrapping her arms around his waist, hugging him into her tightly while she relished in the baritone of his laugh vibrating along her chest. The satisfaction that swept over her left warmth to pool in her belly and the familiar yearning throbbing through her.

“Hey, there you are.” Caressing his hands along her arms that were squeezing him close, he looked back toward her and hummed deeply knowing exactly what she had in mind as her fingers slowly drew circles along his abs, creeping lower and lower. “Aww honey, don’t you think we should wait until the cupcakes are finished?”

“Mulder, you know calling me honey only makes me want you more,” she scolded teasingly, with a gentle skim of her finger over his blooming erection.

Mulder groaned knowing it was a term of endearment he used sparingly for that very reason. He was surprised to find out that tidbit of information about her when he had called her honey that first week they were on the run while they tried to blend in with the locals. Ever since knowing it made her wild for him, he’s only called her that on special occasions. Driving her wild had become his favorite past time and Scully certainly couldn’t get enough of it.

He spun around while still wound up in her little arms and encompassed her entirely, holding her against his body. Mulder couldn’t help but think about how damn lucky he was to have Dana Scully to hold all the days of his life.

With her in his arms, Mulder remembered back when they had arrived in the outskirts of Virginia after traveling from Florida for seven hours straight. Their last break, that consisted of a meal and a makeout session in the nearest Travel Center, prompted them to get to their motel as quickly as possible and consummate their vows. He wanted to make slow sweet love to her in a bed bathed in candlelight and not another quick fevered fuck on the side of the road. So the whole ride included an obscene amount of excited touching, kissing, rubbing and wandering hands finding their way down the inside of each other’s underwear. Oh, if cars could talk...

Scully was checking her and Mulder into yet another rundown crap motel when an elderly man posting a flyer on the bulletin board in the small lobby caught his eye. He could see the man was struggling to make the paper stay with pushing in the tiny pins alone and Mulder, being the gentleman he never had to try very hard to express, rushed over to help him without a second thought. He noticed that the information on the flyer held no photo or remarkable description of the home for sale. Just a line at the top stating, “A cozy Farrs Corners home that’s ready to be filled with love. This peaceful secluded life makes for a happy wife.” He had to stifle a laugh after reading that tag line since it had seemed to fit their life remarkably well at the moment. Yet, everything about the flyer was utterly unremarkable. That in itself had captured Mulder’s attention immediately. And glancing back at his newly wedded wife with a devilish grin, he held out hope they had finally found the perfect place to live out their future together.

One week later—after her telling him that he was “bat crap crazy” more than once—Scully signed her name on the deeds dotted line and he had finally carried her over the threshold that night, creatively christening every single room with their love in their new unremarkable house. Twice.

Scully pinched his ass causing Mulder to jump in surprise and grip his hands around her hips.

“Mulder? Not that I’m complaining, but If you’re done stabbing me in the stomach with your well-endowed anticipation for what coming after desert, then I suggest we untangle and get the candles.” Scully let a giggle slip out as she enjoyed her teasing with her chin perched atop of Mulder’s chest. He just smirked down at her and thrusted his full erection into her again.

“You’re killing me right now, Scully—interrupting my memories of when we found and christened the house won’t help the stabbing any. And you slinging innuendo at me is sure as hell not going to keep the monster from his hunt,” he belly laughed at the admonishing yet aroused look on her face as he reluctantly let her loose.

She elbowed him and he turned back around to ready the candles for each cupcake.

They had thought about an answer to their question on how to honor the day in their own way together, but baking and making a wish for their son seemed like the only choice to make. It wasn’t too celebratory nor too insignificant for them to acknowledge William and their special day at once.

Mulder pulled out two superman blue frosted cupcakes with a candle on each one. Scully had told him the story years earlier that right before William was given to Catholic Charities for his pending adoption, he had eaten a cupcake topped with superman blue frosting that Maggie had made for him while baby sitting in celebration of William’s half birthday.

Scully unlocked the front door and followed the sounds of giggling coming from her Mother’s kitchen. “Mom, I’m back. What are you two up—” she couldn’t even finish her question as her eyes widened and a huge grin spread across her face.

There sat William on the counter, donning only his diaper and the mass amount of bright blue frosting smeared all over his hands, rounded belly, and chubby cheeks as he attempted to shove what remained of the crushed cupcake into his drooling O-shaped mouth.

“Hi Dana! I wanted to wait for you to get back, but this little guy had other ideas and stuck his hand in the frosting jar.” Both women laughed, and as Scully walked over to press her lips onto her son’s face, she received a perfectly shaped tiny blue handprint along the front of her white blouse.

She told Mulder one night when they were sharing memories with one another, that she wished that she had never washed that meaningful mark off of her shirt.

Scully pulled out a lighter and lit each candle resting the piled high blue frosting. They closed their eyes to make a wish and blew them out in unison, sharing a sad smile with one another through the trails of smoke wafting in their faces. Mulder grabbed Scully’s hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze.

He hummed deep in his throat with his eyes closed and wistfully said, “Happy Birthday, William.”

Setting both cupcakes on the counter, she raised her hand up to run her fingers through his hair as Mulder laid a soft tender kiss upon her lips. Leaning back, she stared intently into his warm hazel eyes for a moment, watching the affirmation shine through before she spoke.

“I really hope he is happy, every single day,” Scully was barely able to get the last words out before her emotions threatened to take over. Mulder reached up and tucked a long fiery strand of hair behind her ear and palmed her cheek as he brushed a thumb along her eyebrow. “And happy anniversary to us, Mulder,” she murmured, pulling him flush against her with their arms and hands squeezing one another, sealing the day and their future together with a long and zealous kiss.

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Thirteen years later…

(2018)

Scully rested in a rocking chair that sat in the corner of the living room, quietly creaking and scarcely swaying back and forth, facing out the window of their unremarkable house. Scully’s eyes were shut with her groggy voice barely audible as she whispered, “Jeremiah was a bullfrog...was a good friend of mine…” her singing trailed off, finally losing her battle with exhaustion.

The muffled sounds of classic rock music being played from the other side of the house mingled with Scully’s now heavy breath sounds made Mulder grin joyfully while he surveyed the sight before him.

He leaned along the wall as he held a glass of water, a worn familiar map, and push pins. Mulder silently padded along the wooden floor and over to the corner where his glowing wife sat asleep with their sleeping baby nestled upon her chest. He quietly leaned over the two most important women in his life and stared blissfully, taking in each feature for as long as he dared without risking Scully feeling him lingering over them too intensely. He chuckled to himself as he noticed the cupcake’s small smudge of blue frosting staining the corner of Scully’s mouth. He sat the glass down on the window sill and gently pressed a kiss onto each of their red-haired heads, thinking to himself that his life was pretty damn remarkable and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Over the years, they had both held back discussing William in too much detail on any given day. The subject of his short life spent with Scully as his Mother and his unavoidable adoption was just too damn painful for them—even though it was for his own safety as well as their own—still burned a hole in their resolve just a little more every year. They started the tradition of sharing happy memories and lighting a candle to make a birthday wish just for him that they never once strayed from. Even on their darkest of days, and during two of Williams birthdays that they had spent apart to battle their own demons alone; they lit candles for their son together while they held hands side by side.

Overcoming obstacles and navigating in the dark had become their entire life, and they thrived because of it—in spite of it. Memories of the long journey to get to this very moment in their lives, had finally brought him comfort in knowing that surviving all of the dangerous hardships were honestly worth it all. He would take every sanction, face every monster, endure every ass kicking and emotional tirade that he’s ever had all over again, just to get to bask in this joyous moment with his family.

Yes, Fox Mulder was absolutely irrevocably happy. He almost couldn’t damn well believe it, and he believed in hell of a lot.

Years ago, he and Scully had sat on his old couch with beers in hand one night and discussed how all paths led them to that very moment together. He now only realized how much that rang true. How much they made it their truth .

Ironic how he use to believe that the truth was out there, and maybe it was. Yet, his truest truths in life, the ones that meant the most, were currently in this house and rocking along in the moonlit night. Turns out, that this was the real truth they both had been searching for in the end; family.

Mulder turned toward the wall to search for the perfect spot when his eyes caught on the framed aging polaroid of him and Scully on the day they exchanged their vows fourteen years ago. It was a perfect photo of them that Maggie had insisted they frame after Scully called her later that very same night from a burner phone to tell her what they’d done.

Mulder leaned in a little more and reexamined everything about them caught up in the moment. They’d faced one another, heads close together while wrapped up tightly and smiling brightly at each other. Mulder had been brushing wayward strands of auburn hair away from her face as her hands slid slowly up his chest. Her gaze was locked onto his own while her palms rested along the sides of his neck as they shared a beaming smile, their love and commitment practically radiating from the glossy paper. The lady who took the photo was right. Their love really does shine like the sun.

Smirking to himself as he straightened the frame, he realized that some may call the union that took place between them a wedding—the day they became one, but it was so much more than that to them. They were basically living as a married couple for many years before that day, so as the two of them listened to the couple in Florida reciting their vows, they had made their own commitment to one another the Mulder and Scully way.

And there they were, perfect opposites only perfect for each other.

Right then, he decided that he’d found the only place to display their past as they looked forward to the future. The perfect place also served to cover a stray bullet hole from the Russian home invasion that he must’ve missed during the week he had to play Mr. Fix-it after returning from that long gruelling visit to Ikea with Scully. With a shake of his head, he started to hang that old used and abused map on the wall.

A strong yet gentle hand touched his shoulder and a deepening voice followed. “I’m done putting the last of my stuff away in my room. Need some help?”

Turning to meet him at eye level, Mulder gave a grateful grin to William as he returned the touch to the young man’s shoulder. “Not for me to deny you a thing on your birthday,” Mulder joked, leaning back to let his son take over the task.

He watched on as the long and slender fingers of the boy that he and Scully had marked that map up for, moved it to its final destination while he felt his chest swell with pride.

As Mulder stepped forward and ran his fingers along the vast amount of small ink marked circles and stars that spanned across 41 of the 50 states, he smiled with the recollection of their long and crazy journey.

And no, he realized, he wouldn’t change a day.

Mulder turned and looked from his sleeping wife cradling his tiny peaceful baby Margaret, who looked so much like William at that age that it was slightly spooky. Mulder felt his heart skip a beat at the realization of his family coming full circle.

He looked back over to meet the eyes of his resilient son who wore that same lopsided grin he did and noted, “all roads do lead to an end, after all. Only, our rocky and curvy road finally led us to one of those that you think you’ll never find...a happy one.”

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#the flashback kill me #maggie scully #post series #reblog this one if you like it

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