#what i mean is like when ray fucks over sand all he has to say is sorry and sand moves on and vice versa they cant stay mad

[firelise]

TopMew: Sex is a pawn in a game

BostonNick: Sex is a tool for discovery, freedom, self-love, and healing

SandRay: Sex is an expression of gratitude, unconditional love, and commitment

[khaopybara]

Hi, first of all, I hope this ask finds you well 🤗

I wanted to ask, what is your top 10 favorite FirstKhao kisses? 🙃

anon, first of all, thank you for wanting to know but also, you're asking the worst person, because i'm so bad at picking favorites 🥲 excuse me because i was inspired hence the length of this answer. i was also trying my best to procrastinate instead of doing what i was supposed to do (study).

thankfully you didn't ask me to rank them, so in no particularly order of preference we have:

sandray's new year's peck

it's soft, it feels so domestic and sweet. it's just them being happy and content and hopeful for the future. it's great.

sandray's pool kiss

it's such a fucking statement (despite ray not realizing it). the way sand was all stiff when kissing boeing, but when he kisses ray he's immediately into his touch? and how he reaches out to touch ray? how his hand hovers over ray's throat? 10/10.

sandray's smoke kiss

what a phenomenal first kiss, we all have to agree. it's hot, it's gorgeous, and it show so much passion and desire from both parts, honestly. the whole sequence was breathtaking, and i love it. (the way sand pulls on ray's bottom lip and when he kisses ray's hip tattoo? absolute cinema.)

akkayan's "what is our relationship?" kiss

in specific this second kiss out of the three we've got back to back. it's just so cute the way akk keeps saying what aye doesn't want to hear just to get more kisses, and aye happily "punishes" him for it. the way they both smile before and into the kiss. it's for sure one of my all time overall favorite kisses.

sandray's angry kiss

completely different vibes from the previous one. i don't know, it just has such a good build-up. from the moment ray barged into that room i knew he wasn't leaving sand without either getting punched or getting railed. unfortunately, top got in the way for that second option to happen. it's the way ray just takes a breath between kisses and how disoriented sand looked when they were interrupted that does it for me.

sandray's end of the date kiss

it was the perfect end for the perfect day if bostonnick hadn't appeared. were they going to have sex in the balcony of sand's apartment? maybe. but it's not about that. their day together had been perfect. they woke up together, had breakfast together, went shopping together, went to a concert, ate, flirted, ray met sand's mom and sang for him. ray opened up about his mom. they were both on the way to let the other in and give each other a try, and then we know what happened.

akkayan's fantasy kiss

akk has a very vivid imagination. people have talked about this before. how it doesn't start with an actual kiss, but just a cheek kiss, and then it's akk imagining aye wanting him, actively pursuing him romantically, choosing him, kissing him. it's just gorgeous.

akkayan's first actual kiss

"i want to kiss you. can i kiss you?" "if you want me to stop, if you're not okay, tell me. i'll stop." IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!! i'm in awe every time i watch this scene. it's so gentle and tame, and at the same time, it's so heavy with meaning. the way they both feel the kiss? listen, i'm unwell.

sandray's 'sand almost got that d' kiss

no one can convince me sand didn't want to get fucked in that car, and i love how ravished he looks when they are interrupted (again) by mew. but this kiss is here specifically because of the this part where ray so skillfully closes the sunroof with one hand while still kissing sand. i love it. when it came out, i watched this part more times than i'd like to admit.

akkayan's bridge kiss

akkayan's kisses in our skyy 2 were works of art. i lost count of how many times i've watched this kiss in specific. now we know that most of the bridge scene was improvised, hence why akk/first looks amused by aye/khaotung's little pecks before their actual kiss, but it's undoubtedly one of their prettiest kisses. the location, and the sun behind akk's head, the domesticity and sweetness. it's just so so great, i really love it.

special mentions: weed cookie "kiss", cheek kiss after sex and cheek kiss after therapy, because i needed to include them too. they are that special to me.

[firstkanaphans]

Hi Sarah! For the smut prompt, I'll eat up anything you write with AkkAye or SandRay but I'd love number 4 for Sand and Ray. I feel like Ray would love being told how good he is, I'm a strong 'Ray has a praise kink' believer!

Hiiii! Somehow this turned into top!Ray. I hope you don’t mind? Word Count: 1600ish

{telling} them how good they are

“How long’s it been since someone fucked you?”

Sand was so kiss-drunk that it took him a few seconds to digest Ray’s words. They were in bed and Sand was laying on his back while Ray straddled his waist, and although it wasn’t exactly rare for Ray to get possessive like this when they were intimate, that particular topic was one they had never broached before. Maybe he had misheard.

“What?” he asked, reaching out to trace a finger over the “beautiful” tattoo on Ray’s hip. Ray was shirtless and Sand felt drawn to the ink on his skin. He felt drawn to the boy wearing it. 

“How long’s it been since someone fucked you?” Ray repeated. “And who was it? Was it Boeing?”

Sand snorted because he found the idea of Boeing topping anyone hilarious, but Ray didn’t laugh. “It wasn’t Boeing.”

“Who then?”

“No one you would know,” Sand said, letting his hand fall back to his side and then sitting up so he and Ray were face-to-face. “Just some guy I met at the bar. I don’t remember his name.”

“When?”

“Eight or nine months ago?” It was only an estimate, but Ray’s pout became more pronounced at his words. “Is that a problem?”

“I want the last person you fucked to be me.” He said it petulantly like that was an honor Sand had deliberately been keeping from him and Sand couldn’t help but laugh. He collapsed back down onto the mattress and gestured at his more-than-willing body. “Well then, by all means.”

He hadn’t actually expected Ray to take him up on the offer. He’d thought it was a joke—a petty squabble with a past he had no control over—but then Ray’s eyes darkened with a hunger it was impossible not to recognize.

“Roll over,” Ray demanded, his voice taking on the cadence of authority his rich blood afforded him. Sand’s humor washed away in an instant and his heartbeat quickened. Although he would never admit it to anyone, he liked it when Ray told him what to do. Fucking Ray was only half the fun. His true joy came in hearing Ray tell him, in painstaking detail, exactly how he wanted to be fucked. 

So, like an obedient dog, Sand rolled over.

He was already naked from the waist up, but Ray stripped him of his pants as well and then carefully kneaded both globes of his ass before pulling them apart and leaning in to place a wet kiss against his rim. It was loving—worshipful, even—and despite the fact that Ray had never done this to Sand before, he was skilled with his mouth. It didn’t take long before Sand was trembling beneath him, stretched open on his fingers and his tongue. He decided to distract himself with conversation.

“When’s the last time you did this?” he asked. Instead of answering, Ray froze. “Ray?” Still no answer. “Ray?”

He looked over his shoulder to find Ray still hovering over his ass, his mouth wet and messy, his eyes wide. “Well, see, here’s the thing…”

“Never?!” Sand cried in shock.

Immediately, Ray grew defensive. “I know what I like. Why would I bother doing anything else?” But then his face softened and he reached out to squeeze Sand’s ass once more. “Can I? With you?”

Sand turned back around, once again under his spell. “Fine. Just hurry up or I’m going to come before you’re even inside me.”

Ray climbed off of Sand to remove his own pants and when Sand risked a glance at him, he found that Ray was smiling, looking inordinately pleased with himself.

“Do you want me to use a condom?” Ray asked, covering Sand’s body with his once more as he leaned down to kiss his shoulder blade. Sand pushed up onto his knees and Ray tucked himself easily into the space behind him, clearly already knowing the answer, but wanting Sand to say it anyway.

“No,” Sand said, pushing back against him,. Ray took his dick in hand and began running it along Sand’s opening, taunting him the way Sand oftentimes did to him.

“Why not?”

“Because I want to feel you come inside me.”

For a moment, neither of them moved. Then, in one fluid motion, Ray said, “good boy,” and pushed inside.

Sand wasn’t sure which of them was more affected, but the feel of Ray inside him, filling him more full than he had ever been, immediately threatened to overwhelm him. It wasn’t a physical reaction so much as an emotional one. Sand had been fucked far rougher than this by far more endowed men. But it had never meant anything. It had only ever touched his body, never his heart.

Behind him, Ray let out a moan and then collapsed down so that his forehead was pressed against Sand’s back. For several seconds, the two of them just stayed there, their bodies connected, as they breathed in tandem.

“Are you okay?” Ray asked after a minute—checking in, the way Sand always did with him. Sand knew Ray well enough to know that was a learned behavior, not something that came naturally to him. It warmed his racing heart. “Was that too much?”

“No. I’m good,” Sand said, pushing back onto Ray’s dick just enough to make the boy moan again. “Now fuck me like you mean it.”

With a hesitance Sand wasn’t used to from him, Ray began to move. He pulled out of Sand’s body and then pushed back inside with no particular finesse or skill, but it still felt good because it was still him. Sand pushed back in time to his thrusts, silently asking for more, but Ray didn’t seem to know how to give it to him.

“Is this right? Am I—?”

Suddenly, Sand realized what the hesitation was. Ray didn’t like not being good at things. He had a pathological fear of disappointing the people he loved. He needed positive reinforcement.

“That’s perfect. You’re perfect,” Sand said, reaching behind him for Ray's flank and slowly leading him into a steady rhythm. Ray took his instruction and began to speed up. Sand dropped his head down onto his hands, opening his body up even more. “Fuck, that feels so good. You’re doing so good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Sand agreed. “You can go harder.”

Still hesitant, Ray did as asked and with every thrust, Sand fell a little more under his spell.

“Fuck, Ray. Right there.”

The praise seemed to reawaken Ray’s confidence. Or at least his dirty mouth. “You like it when I fuck you, don’t you? You like my dick inside you?”

“Yes,” Sand moaned.

“Say it.”

“I like your dick inside me.”

Ray gave a particularly hard thrust and his cock rubbed right against Sand’s prostate. Sand wasn’t sure whether he had done it on purpose or whether it was just beginner’s luck, but he could feel his self-control start to unravel. 

“I want to make sure you’ll be able to feel me tomorrow,” Ray said. “I want to make sure you’ll remember who it was that was fucking you.”

“As if I could forget.”

His words seemed to trigger something in Ray. “Fuck,” he said, collapsing down over Sand’s back, abandoning his long thrusts in favor of letting their bodies grind together as if he could no longer bear to let them separate. “How do you last for so long? It feels too good.”

“Go ahead and come,” Sand said, hopelessly endeared. “I want you to.”

Ray cursed again, but took the out Sand had given him. With a few last hard thrusts, he came inside Sand’s body for the very first time.

For several seconds, they both just stayed there, intimately connected. Sand’s cock was throbbing with arousal and his whole body was sore in a way he wasn’t used to, but in that moment, he felt very, very loved.

Ray pulled out of him slowly. Sand could feel the warmth of his seed leaking from his opening and he was about to climb out of bed to get something to clean them both with when he felt Ray’s tongue push inside him. 

It was Sand’s turn to curse. He had never before been completely at Ray’s mercy before and it made him feel wild. Wild and free. Free from his own thoughts. Free from the expectations he put on himself. 

Ray continued to lick his seed from Sand’s body and as he did so, he reached around and grabbed his cock. Sand sighed at the touch, knowing he wouldn’t last long and, sure enough, he came under Ray’s skilled ministrations quickly with his lover’s name on his tongue.

That night, Ray was the one who cleaned them. Sand had never realized before just how intimate the practice was. He wondered if Ray felt just as loved and cared for when Sand did this for him.

“So,” Ray said once he was finished, finally crawling back into bed and cuddling into Sand’s side. “Did I do good?”

Sand considered teasing him, but saw no reason to lie. “The best.” 

Ray rolled his eyes as if he didn’t believe him, but it was the truth. It was the first time in his life that Sand had been fucked and actually enjoyed it. 

“I’ll get better,” Ray said as if it was a challenge. Sand knew better than to argue with him. “But you have to promise me something. No one but me ever again. Do you understand? I want to be your last.”

“No one but you ever again,” Sand agreed. It wasn’t a hard promise to make. He was the only one who had ever mattered. “Now go to bed. You can practice more in the morning.”

[wen-kexing-apologist]

What the Fuck Is Boeing Doing Here?

Listen. 

I know that I don’t have to write an essay at the end of every episode of Only Friends. But you see, I have decided I need to either hit or break the number of essays I wrote for Moonlight Chicken. 

So, I want to talk about Boeing and the narrative purpose he serves. Mostly because there seems to be some contention around whether Boeing was introduced too late in the plot. But he wasn’t. Why?

Photo from @chicademartinica

Because Boeing serves as external pressure, not internal.

The final relationship boss if you will

Only Friends appears to have a four act arc. 

Act 1: We meet the characters, the couples are introduced to one another, they fuck, they establish some modicum of a relationship, and we see the aspects of their characters that are going to cause the tension points. 

Act 2: The couples engage in Chronic 20-Year-Old behavior and fuck up their relationships internally by: cheating, secretly recording, blackmailing, commodifying, misunderstanding, etc etc. 

Act 3: Everyone does everything in their power to ruin their own relationships further by trying to set a record for Most Number of Impulsive Decisions Made in One Sitting, thoroughly fucks their life and relationships, stops, thinks, “hmmm, well, I’ve tried everything else, I wonder if talking might help?” and starts resolving their relationships. 

Act 4: With the internal tensions resolved, make up sex had, and tenuous peace beginning to be forged between all couples, it is time to put their ability to weather external pressures to the test. 

gif by @25shadesoffebruary

Which is why we meet Boeing for the first time with Mew and Top, because Top and Mew have not fully reached a resolution when he arrives. Mew has decided he wants to give Top another chance, but we know Mew is having difficulty moving past his anger at being cheated on. Boeing comes in, pokes at the potential weakness/fracture points of Top, and is denied. So he turns to Mew, whose cracks have not been healed enough. 

The external pressure seems to have taken a hold, and the beginning of TopMew Round 2 is under threat of not taking off, because Boeing as an outside player has found a wound he can press in to. In Episode 11, Mew is once again, set on a course, (whether or not it is the one he would have ultimately chosen for himself without added suggestion remains to be seen), acknowledges that he doesn’t think that he is going to be Top’s last boyfriend, and does decide to try to move past his hang ups and start over with Top. 

Top and Mew have passed the test of external pressure. Boeing has served his purpose, he has poked and prodded, manipulated and made out, and Top and eventually Mew saw through it. 

gif by @moonkhao

So Boeing goes wandering towards his next victims, Sand and Ray. And again, we have a situation where one person in the couple is more susceptible to Boeing’s manipulations. In this case, Sand is the one, unsurprisingly, who is more likely to fall for Boeing’s flirting, though Ray is far more volatile of a person than either Mew or Top is. Which means that Boeing is in for an external pressure application treat because the thicker he lays it on with Sand, the more reactive Ray is going to become. 

Ray has a lot of changes going on in his life right now, he’s making some breakthroughs in therapy, he’s starting rehab, he’s waking up more to the ways that Sand has twisted himself in knots to help him and all the ways he has failed Sand in return. And Sand, our favorite wet blanket, is physically incapable of maintaining a single boundary with anyone that gives him positive attention. Which includes Boeing, and we knew this was a potential outcome because of how pissed Sand continues to be about the fact that Boeing left him for Top. Sand has never gotten over Boeing, it’s part of why he cares so much that Top “stole” him. 

Say what you will about SandRay’s opening in Episode 11 feeling a bit rushed, we want, or at least I can assume Jojo and co wanted some moments of peace and happiness between Sand and Ray to give them just a moment of stability. Because, I don’t think they are ready for the test of external pressure. They got this brief moment where they are happy, sappy, and in love, planning for the future, yada yada, but the fundamental internal issues between Sand and Ray, namely Sand’s inability to maintain a boundary and Ray’s inability to tolerate a boundary have not been worked through. Ray’s jealousy and ownership of Sand have not been worked through, Ray’s alcoholism has not been worked through, Sand’s compulsive caregiving have not been worked through. 

gif of Ray saying he won't be jealous, you know, like a liar by @firstmix

And in comes Boeing, calling Ray Sand’s friend, trying to get Sand to take him home with him, trying to talk to Sand alone. Flirting with Sand, reminding him that Ray isn’t his type, being physically affectionate. Boeing, once again, is serving as the external pressure testing the weak points in SandRay’s relationship, in this case Sand’s simpdom and Ray’s possessiveness. 

Ray’s method of getting between Sand and any other potential romantic interests has always been to suggest a threesome. To throw out a claim on Sand’s body, and to get right with Sand exploring other sexual options while Ray is still there able to watch, participate, and/or control the sexual encounter. It serves as a great way for Ray to stake his claim, to make people who thought Sand was single (when he is) feel like they are invading a relationship, etc. and up until now it has worked. 

But Boeing is the external test of Sand and Ray’s relationship. And Boeing is a chameleon that can slide in to anyone’s personality. And Boeing has no issue with sex or intimacy with total strangers, especially if it brings him closer to what he wants, as we know from him making out with Mew. So Ray takes the bait, offers a hangout with the three of them, and takes Boeing and Sand back to his house. Ray is, however, extremely insecure about his relationship to Sand, as we can see from the preview that Ray is buying in to Boeing’s External Issues Test. He wants to know if Sand has gotten over Boeing, he wants Sand to kiss Boeing, I do not yet know how that whole thing is going to end (though I for one hope there is at least a threeway make out if they don’t end up with an actual threesome) but considering that Sand seems pretty pissed in the preview, I don’t think it is going to go over swimmingly (haha get it? swimmingly, cause they…nevermind).

gif of a truly pining Sand made by @sunsetandthemoon

What I personally think Boeing is going to do with Sand and Ray’s relationship is expose the part of their internal struggle that they have not addressed yet, and that is either going to tear Sand and Ray apart (for you know…the three hours Sand is able to stay mad at Ray before Ray makes puppy dog eyes and Sand succumbs to his masochism once more). Or potentially, highlight the issues and allow Sand and Ray to talk through where the rough points in their relationship are (haha, can you imagine?)

Regardless of whether or not Sand and Ray pass or fail Boeing’s external pressures test, Boeing will have done his job exploring the strength of Sand and Ray’s relationship and will move on to testing the fractures in Boston and Nick’s relationship. Which, honestly, I think Boston and Nick have the strongest chance of passing with flying colors because they have been working through their internal problems extremely, extremely well the last few episodes. But we shall see what actually happens in the finale. 

Anyway, all of this to say, that if you think Boeing should have come in to this story earlier, I personally think you have misunderstood the purpose Boeing serves to the plot. He should not have been introduced while the group was still intact, because there were too many other moving pieces of internal dynamics issues that needed to be worked out without a random stranger coming in and trying to fuck with it. As we head in to the finale, we need to understand how the characters get to the end point of the story.

And I think we can only really do that, when we see how every couple holds or crumbles under the pressure of the outside world, now that they have that talking things through like adults actually may be a valid method of getting what you want out of a relationship.

Who knew? 

gif by @sunsetandthemoon

[bengiyo]

Only Friends Ep 1 Stray Thoughts

We've been waiting for Jojo to be unleashed for a long time. Let's do this.

Wouldn't be a Jojo show without a Jennie cameo.

Oh, they're letting First sing again.

Real shit, I kinda like the wristbands to signal what people might be into at this bar. Hearkens back to older handkerchief traditions.

Ray is kinda feisty. He's so ready to beef with someone.

Oh my god I have been part of this friend group as the table keeper.

Neo looks so good.

Ew, vomit.

They are about to fuck up Mew's academic career.

Of course Khaotung is playing the rich brat.

Boston messed them up first by combining work and sex. He's definitely going to bring Top on as the designer.

Hello, again, Mark. Always glad to see you.

Okay, love seeing Nick and Boston vibe.

Very refreshinging to just see guys flirting with each other without the BL pretense. Even gives us Ray being shitty because he feels possessive of Mew.

Top said he's had enough of the sex tryhards.

Oh, Boston, what was that? You brought Top around your friends and now you're jealous of Mew?

DRAKE?!!!

Ray is that friend who always requires so much when we go out.

"I'm gonna charge you more than an airport taxi." 😂

First and Khaotung really are just so powerful. I'm glad this is a strong cast, because their teamwork when it's just them is still so enjoyable to watch.

Congratulations to ForceBook for being the first to have a scene on this show, and on the counter no less.

Not these two having ice cream since Mew isn't ready. Top is going to be a problem, but at least he understands what No means.

Should I keep a counter for how many times Ray throws up in this show?

First still has it. One fond look and it's over.

No one had Neo and Drske as the first to fuck on their bingo board. Cutting this with Nick jacking off to unethically acquired thirst traps? My goodness.

Oh interesting. Top didn't put his pants back on.

I know we all came here for the hot stuff, but I really like seeing Mew and Top negotiate intimacy during this first night together.

Sand put Ray in a POOR BOY shirt. Those used to cost $5 in the city now I can't get a good sandwich for less than $12.

Ray you could just say thanks. No need to be a dick constantly.

This book store date is cute.

Okay, Nick! I like this thirst trap play!

Everyone is just going for it! Good job, Neo and Mark.

I really liked this one week montage.

Ray is channeling Bruce Wayne. "Harvey Dent. Can we trust him?"

Boston called Ray right out on his crush on Mew.

Only Cheum is invested in helping Mew out here.

"You're concerned about your friend, or you're just jealous?" Top clocked him.

Oh no is Force going to sing?

Oh, whew, it's just a grand gesture.

This was so much fun! I love that Boston and Ray are going to be the source of everyone's problems! Jealous Thot and Rich Boy With Anger Issues are some of my favorites. Why does First always have the most soulful eyes? Mew is another really good role for Book, and Force is clearly having the time of his life. Is there nothing Mark Pakin can't do? Lookjun is warming up, but I'm looking forward to more.

Also, Drake cameo! Who's going to show up next??

[akkpipitphattana]

no but the way sand miscalculated with ray this episode. he's coming at it from the perspective that ray doesn't give a shit about him, right? ray's been jerking him around this whole time, ray's just using him, so it's fine to use him right back. it's fair, even. & top, this motherfucker here is tap-dancing right on all of his freshly exposed nerves, bringing up the ex & the fact that sand doesn't have anyone when sand thought he had someone but has literally just re-experienced all the pain of the person who was supposed to be his liking someone else more. so fuck it, he's gonna smash his not-that-cheap smartphone, he's gonna play nick who's supposed to be his friend, & he's going to use ray to fuck top like top fucked him. he gives ray the recording, goads him a little about mew & loving friends, figures he's winding him up to go running straight to mew with it & mew will dump top's ass & top, who seems to actually like mew somewhat, enough to go with him to the hospital at least, will finally know what it feels like to have the rug ripped out from under him like sand does. he even gets a side-swipe at boston for making him feel like a total moron, & maybe a little satisfaction from the idea that mew will feel as stupid as he did in that moment & for a lot of the same reasons. low-risk, high-reward, & so seemingly simple. easy, & his hands stay clean, & he gets to feel a little bit better about getting one over ray, playing ray just like ray played him. & if ray figures it out, fuck it, ray doesn't give a shit about sand anyway but maybe he'll like being used about as much as sand did.

except that ray clocks it immediately, before sand even gets to the point, bc after all these years of being friends with boston he does actually know when he's being manipulated. & ray does give a shit about sand, & more importantly he thought (correctly!) that sand gave a shit about him, so not only does he know that he's being used but he's hurt by it. & sand is lacking a lot of context about this friend group & ray's dynamic with mew & also just how fucking damaged ray is. so ray doesn't go running straight to mew, & other things keep happening to wind him up even tighter (i was BEGGING my girls to stop talking at that party, oh my god), & then ray's up on sand's fucking stage & then even worse he's off it, burning it all down, his whole life & every relationship in it. & sand did not intend this, & sand tries to stop this, but ray knows sand used him & ray is so hurt & ray is accusing sand of,, not really wanting to be a musician? except that's not what ray's actually saying here, is it, he's accusing sand of being superficial. of not really loving the things he seemed to care about. except that insult doesn't ring true to anyone except ray, & it turns out that ray is friends with boston & mew for a fucking reason, bc he knows how to hit where it hurts & so he goes for the money, bc that's not what ray's upset at sand for but it is the thing that will make sand feel small, & he goes for the sex bc that mattered to sand & ray could tell.

& so now ray's blown up his entire life & sand's the one who toppled the first domino, which means that sand is the one responsible. for all of this, but especially for ray, who he tried to use & manipulate to catastrophic ends. so he goes after him & tries to talk to him or at least stop him from driving drunk & angry, but ray is so upset, not just with sand but not not with sand, & he cannot hear "i care about you" from someone he knows used him without thinking it a lie so he calls him a whore bc he knows it'll hurt & gets in the car bc in this moment he can't care about anything beyond his own pain. & sand goes after him bc he does care but most of all bc he has to, bc sand set all of this in motion & therefore sand is responsible. & sand will continue to be responsible when the car fucking crashes. & i just. FUCK.

i'm not gonna lie i kinda feel better after writing all that out. anyway. it took me three hours to actually get through this episode & if there's more like it down the line (there definitely is) i am completely fucked.

“and sand will continue to be responsible when the car fucking crashes” NOW WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT WHEN YOU KNOW HOW I FUCKING FEEL.

no but god ALL OF THIS. and it hurts more because to me, everything ray did the the back half of the episode was so him planning to die when he got behind the wheel.

i was talking to antania about this earlier but the scene with mew in the bathroom really and truly felt like a goodbye in so many ways. he was just being more subtle because mew stopped him the last time and there’s a chance he’d stop him again and ray truly doesn’t want to hurt mew.

and then he burned all of his fucking bridges because he realized his friends don’t give a shit about him anyways and the one person he thought did manipulated him too. and that’s another reason he blew up on sand because no amount of evidence he has that sand cares would have stopped him from getting in that car because he’s convinced himself sand doesn’t. that nobody does. that everyone will be better off once he disappears. so he pushes again and tries to burn that bridge more.

and sand has no idea about rays suicide attempt or even how low he truly views himself. like yes he has some idea, and he has some idea about how they treat him, but he doesn’t realize how big it all is, so he couldn’t have had any idea that it would all spiral to ray getting in that car drunk on purpose. but when the car crashes he’ll still be responsible!!!!!!

[savagebisand]

Let's do a deep dive into the complexity of Mew and Ray rebounding on each other and how it leads to a huge necessary parting of the entire core four.

It reaches a head at that cursed Halloween Party in this ep. Because y'all. We've had sweet and bitter but today we really saw it blend together and I think this whole series tackles the futility and perseverance of love and connection but we really saw it during episode eight at it's peak.

There is literally no room in my heart for hating on Mew over Ray right now because like Mew has taken every opportunity to insist that Ray isn't controlling or changing him, Mew is changing, Mew is saying fuck it so what to everything he despised before because he's tired of fitting in a box. it has nothing to do with Ray other than that Ray makes it easy. Ray won't judge because he cannot as he's done everything Mew is trying. Mew himself is telling everyone he's a grown ass man who is coping with shit the best way he can right now and Ray just happens to be the only one not trying to restrict him or tell him how to cope. the others blaming Ray for Mew's spiral is just what's easiest for them to swallow the truth. they don't see that Mew is using Ray's unconditional love as an excuse to be the worst version of himself because to them Mew is the only vulnerable one. So let's unpack all that shall we?

Ray on the other hand knows full well that Mew doesn't love him or want him as anything other than a distraction but he's humbly accepted his role. you can tell when Mew only kisses Ray in front of Top, when Mew can't tell Ray he loves him back that Ray knows because he knows Mew, Mew does not and can not love Ray at least not the way Ray imagined Mew could. but it's alright. because for once when Mew is falling apart he's picked Ray to get to stand fiercely at his side and give him arms to cry in. all Ray wants is to feel important and connected to Mew some way and so when Mew asks for cigarettes and coke and drinks and parties, Ray doesn't question it because if he did he loses the little limited space Mew has let Ray reside in whilst everyone else has been pushed aside.

I mean hell Ray even tells Sand that Mew and him "have to see if things will work between them first" when Sand insists Ray has had his dream come true getting to be with Mew. he insists they aren't serious yet but instead seeing how things go, that Mew is at least letting them try and that's good enough. The way Ray talks about it, you can tell he doesn't believe Mew will let him stay around as a boyfriend for long. It's not just because it's Sand he's talking to, there's this understanding in how Ray addresses it. He's okay with it because all that ever mattered to Ray was trying, was having the concrete proof that Mew and him don't and can't work in romantic love instead of Mew's half assed denials.

Ray understands perfectly his role as Mew's supporting character, he isn't blind like some insist. In fact he's got more in common with Nick and Sand than people would like to recognise. Remember how Nick insists that Boston "doesn't have to love him, doesn't have to make nick his priority, he just cannot hate him?" Well that's very much Ray now that Mew has given him the time of day. Everything is still all about Top and Ray can tell but as long as Mew is happy to pretend his spite overrules his lingering love, Ray will play along. I think its very telling in the moment when Mew says this:

Literally right in front of Ray's face and Ray says nothing about the fact they're supposed to be a "we" not an "I" right now. They're supposed to be playing the hosting couple, a united front. Yet here Mew is proudly proclaiming he doesn't need anyone anymore because he's learned to only care about himself for once, he's happy on self destruct because at least he only has to be his own priority and worst enemy. No one else gets to set his rules and break them and let him down except for himself.

So yeah Ray knows exactly where he stands but, look, as easy as it is to blame him for playing a part for Mew and not recognising Sand's love, we have to also bear in mind that Ray stands in this very fragile precipice currently where his loyalty to Mew is the difference between total alienation and having at least somebody from the broken family of the core four still remaining. Mew easily tossed Boston and Top aside, ruthlessly, and he will do the same the second Ray takes any high ground over Mew's actions because Mew will waste no time reminding him how much of a hypocrite he'd be right now.

And yes it's wrong that Mew is using Ray as collateral damage to his first real break up induced sad manic girl break down but in grief we become people we don't recognise. We go numb. I don't think Mew realises fully how detrimental it will be to rely on Ray right now as he cracks before he heals, he's too caught up in going through motions, one all nighter to the next. One revenge plot to the next. He does his best to protect Ray by insisting to Cheum and Top these are his own choices and consequences to handle but when your loved ones see you a certain way, they very staunchly refuse to recognise when you make choices they don't like for you.

Cheum and Top are kinda hypocritical for blaming Ray and not noticing their own flaws in their bid to "protect" Mew but it does make sense. They can't reconcile this new Mew with the one they have grown to understand and care for and rely on. It is far easier to look to the nearest external factor influencing Mew and pin everything on that. It doesn't make it right but it does explain their motivations. They can't see Rays complexity the way the viewer can so it's far simpler for Cheum to say Ray is careless and too greedy so he can never just settle. For Top to insist Ray can't love Mew if he keeps negative shit around Mew whilst forgetting he can't exactly be one to talk when Mew wasn't much better off with him.

Basically they're all getting to that point in this journey where they have to sit with some hard home truths about their friends and themselves and really no one is to blame anymore for anyone other than themselves. No one is responsible anymore for anyone but themselves. It's no longer a blame game and more a time to sit and ask questions about who they are and why they let things get to this point. It's the only chance they stand at not spending the rest of uni totally lost and alone. The only way they might all find a way back to each other, stronger than they were before, different yes, a little broken yes but stronger together.

I think this episode did a particularly beautiful job at showcasing how love remains and prevails even as things shift and recalibrate. Mew is downright vengeful to Top but Top quietly takes it all and refuses to quit when Mew pushes him away the way he gave up on Mew before. He stands steady and strong and he's the one who carries Mew to bed and cleans him up and gets him comfy. Treats him like he's precious finally and refuses to leave.

Boston is told by everyone he has no right to show his face but he insists he has to be there anyway, even as he challenges Nick for daring to approach him, a part of Boston clearly wishes Nick had told Ton about his project because he wanted to share the celebration but Ton can only hear Nick bragging that he's moving on to better things whilst Ton still keeps company with red solo cups in a hidden room, stuck in the sidelines. And yet Boston can't find it in him to treat Nick spitefully, the best he can do is dismissive. He still shows up in a panic on that staircase, helplessly searching for a way to save Ray even as he knows it's all too broken to fix.

Cheum explodes on Ray like a mother or sister whose lost all hope not once but twice but it comes out of a place of concern, a desperate final plea that if they really aren't enough then Ray has to want to help himself. And as hypocritical as we may find her for saying Ray is careless to those around him, she's not wrong that Ray, the night of the party in particular, has only dedicated himself to Mew. She knows now that none of her hopes or wishes for the boys to be better and focus on doing the best for themselves will ever be enough alone to make them care more about friendship and futures than sex and love. She's realising how little she noticed about how deep the cracks ran and she's having to struggle with that but she still begs Top to save Ray from a place she knows will take him to the point of no return even as she chooses to walk away.

Hell Sand and Nick don't even want to be at that party but against all odds they turn up because they owe it to themselves to save face and at least try to move on. To be mature and talk to the people that they've hurt and who have hurt them instead of burying their heads. Boston and Ray are cold to them and yet they don't leave. Sand still turns back and tries to protect Ray because even if he pushed him to the ground earlier and told him they're over. He can't watch Ray rot in prison when what Ray really needs is rehab. When thats the worst place Ray can go.

Top even helps Ray avoid jail time. He says "sorry for my friend" and even if his motivation is more to help Cheum or to do this because Mew will totally tip off the edge if Ray goes down, he gains nothing from this. There is a genuine flash of concern and recognition in his face as he watches Ray cry and scream that actually maybe they aren't so different. Maybe both of their realities are pitiful and lonely.

It's just so interesting that even as things come to a close and we can tell these characters are going to split apart and take some distance, abandon each other and pray it means they come back one day able to show up better for each other as friends... they still choose love, against all odds. It's a bittersweet goodbye because they're all angry and hurting and confused about who they are and why they're behaving the way they do but even in that final moment as Cheum pulls the curtain closed, she's that last string to break when Ton has been forced to pull away and so has Top, and we can tell Ray will try to cling to Mew a little less as he battles with Cheums harsh truth that maybe he really is bad for Mew and maybe Mew really isn't enough for him. They all show up to protect Ray and each other one last time. Even if it's hopeless.

Because love and loyalty remains unconditional even if they don't like the versions of themselves they can see right now. Because even when you don't agree with choices your nearest and dearest make, even when you can't forgive it, they will still always be your broken fucked up little family.

[sandrayofsun]

Gagged with a capital G - EP. 8

Holy mother of God I don't even know what happened to me when this episode ended. I think I ascended to heaven and back. This is going to be a long post filled with thoughts and feelings (and I have no one else to talk about this to) so buckle up!

Starting off with this first scene... not even 2 mins in and I was already tearing up. This entire conversation was so interesting to me because BOTH of them are fully aware of their feelings, yet neither one is willing to speak up. Ray is "happy" to be with Mew, and Sand is "happy" that Ray finally got who he wanted (supposedly🙁).

Major props to sand for standing his ground during this conversation even though you could see unshed tears in his eyes (go First!!!!🤞). You can feel the love he has for Ray simmering beneath but also the dejection that he feels towards seeing that Ray picked Mew.

This is not the face of someone who is happy with the decision they made. Khaotung really stepped up his acting in this scene because I swear I saw like 18 emotions go through him all at once (slay my king!!🤌). He has formed such a strong attachment to Sand and is now realizing what it means to have chosen someone else (and I don't think he feels too good about it).

THIS WHOLE SEQUENCE!!!!! Sand asking for Ray to let him go, and RAY LOOKING AT HIM LIKE THAT!!!! This had me seriously gagged to the core, I didn't even know what to do. Looking at it simply, they are both just sad. Sad at the fact that they know they can't be friends, but also won't admit their feelings, but it bothers them that they don't have each other😭. Seeing what unfolded afterwards with Yo and Plug was even a bigger eye opener for them because it was a direct parallel.

~~~MOVING ON!~~~

I think all of us got a little excited we we're going to get the "now that you've walked into my life..." scene, however, I actually really enjoyed this scene in between everything else that was happening because it shows Ray's dynamic with Sand during a regular time, right after showing his dynamic with Mew (pre-halloween). It gives us insight into the fact that despite Ray being with Mew, it still isn't enough for him. He is still wondering why Sand won't answer his messages, and still wants to spend time with him, even though they had that conversation at the bar and Sand asked to be let go. Ray can't/won't let go of Sand. *Bonus cute Ray pouty face*

What's funny to me is that Ray doesn't even realize what it means that he craves Sand's company. He has no problem verbalizing that being with Sand makes him happy (also in their bar conversation🧐) and isn't shy about asking to spend time with him. Yet, Sand still calls out the fact that Ray can spend time with Mew, but Ray doesn't even acknowledge it. Even using the excuse of Mew not being able to play instruments as a justification for seeking out Sand.

^^^^ I mean seriously look at that cute little face rn. I don't even blame Sand for folding like a wet tissue because I too would fold.

~~~MOVING ON PT.2~~~

The entire SandRay Halloween party sequence was BONKERS. I must applaud FirstKhao because they are mopping the floor with the other couples as far as chemistry goes (no shade to the other couples!!! I'll touch on them in a separate post).

POSSESSIVE RAY STANS STAND UPPPPP😩!!!!

Finally we have Ray witnessing the consequences of his actions. Literally seeing him looming behind Sand and the other guy, pushing him away, questioning Sand about what he's doing, saying he wants to sleep with him, then kissing him to establish dominance over the other guy. CHEF'S KISS😮‍💨. Now, obviously anyone with eyes can tell this behavior is toxic, but I simply have not seen this possessive side of Ray with anyone, not even Mew. It was nice to see Sand getting a little bit of attention in that regard. Was it healthy? No. Does Sand deserve better? Yes. But was it hot as hell and real as fuck? 100%.

FIRST KANAPHAN THE MAN THAT YOU ARE😩

He looked good enough to eat in his costume (I'm sorry I had to say it or I was gonna scream lol). I don't blame Ray for seeing his (boy)friend flirting with someone else while looking like that😭. Anyways, Sand standing his ground ONCE AGAIN was so elite of him, he refuses to be number 2 and I am here for it.

Listen guys... Say what you want but Ray ate this little bit up lmao. I chose to take this as progress in a way because Ray is finally bringing up the feelings between the two, and Sand made himself clear that he will not settle for less than first *no pun intended*. I must also state that I found Ray's possessiveness funny lmao because he had literally JUST kissed Mew (love of his life or whatever🙄) and then goes and get's pissed at Sand for even looking at someone else. And also kisses him?? Did he really need to get rid of Mew's kiss that badly🤨??

~~~Last scene hehe~~~

Sorry this post ran a little long but if you made it this far you're Sexy.

Sand throwing literally any beef he had with Ray out the window and into the rubbish bin to help him made my heart ache a little. No matter what Ray does, Sand will always be his emergency staff, no complaints, no conditions, no questions asked. Going as far as to lie to a police officer and coming up with excuses to help him shows how far Sand is willing to go for Ray. I hope this is something the Ray takes note of and appreciates.

This whole part honestly was pretty hard to watch, especially with the police brutality that a lot of people face around the world. I think the show did a good job of showing what this can look like on a smaller scale, and calling attention to it.

It once again showed Sand's loyalty to Ray, trying to hold on to him when the cops grabbed him, and telling him to stay still. Putting myself in his shoes, idk if I could bare the visual of the person I love getting handled that way.

Overall, this may be my favorite episode of the entire series. and I will say that it finally felt like FirstKhao were getting the screen time they deserved.

I physically gasped when I saw the preview for next week's episode because we're getting communication, and uninterrupted SandRay road trip (yeehaw😎).

Sorry again for this long post

See you guys next week!!

[shortpplfedup]

Only Friends Character Rankings Episode 9

A contemplative episode this week, as most of the characters stop struggling and start accepting some shit. But while some people come to correct conclusions (Ray and Mew break up, but can you call it a break up if you were never actually together?), others just decide to make the same mistakes and hope for different outcomes (Sand keeps trusting Ray instead of himself; Mew decides to give Top another chance). We're moving into the last act of the story now, and it's anybody's guess where we land up when the dust settles. Last week y'all judged Ray the most audacious by a mile. Lemme put my glasses on and see who I'm feeling this week.

🔺1. Nick (6)

Team Second Option!

Nick and Sand's loser friendship and their self-awareness of same is one of the most delightful parts of a truly delightful show. I can totally believe Nick suggested them hooking up, this is EXACTLY how these things go. Them dissolving into giggles over their kiss and cuddling each other to sleep was a beautiful friendship moment. Another beautiful moment was Nick's acceptance that he really had just fucked things up with Boston (we will ignore the fact that the boy just can't HELP spying on that man having sex with other people🤣), apologising in a heartfelt way and attempting to move on. I think Nick's heart might be the only one at ease at the end of this ep, so he wins the week.

⭐2. Boeing

My room is right here as well.

IT'S MOND IT'S MOND IT'S MOND MOND IS HERE AND HE LOOKS GOOD AS FUCK! It's time to find out what the hell this is all about, but whatever it is looks kinda fucked which YES.

🔺3. Sand (11)

We are just masochists.

The loser camping trip did a lot to make me feel less irritated with Sand this week. Sand has always been incredibly self-aware about how much him having feelings for Ray is a suck move, but having him state it all so baldly and call himself a masochist this episode did move the needle for me. Architect of his own misery? Yes, but knowing he lowhighkey ENJOYS the misery makes all the difference. You know what king, you do you. Swing wildly between euphoria and despair while you're young enough to find it exciting.

🔻4. Boston (2)

Gay, straight, pan, whatever the fuck you want to be. I just opened your eyes.

Oh sis, I saw you trying there, but the lack of impulse control as always will land you in trouble. He should have sent Atom packing after that party, but sad, lonely and pissed off are a bad combo, and one thing Boston consistently does is make poor decisions when he's feeling some typa way. He clearly served up a top tier dicking though, because Atom is in LOVE. Inconvenient at best. As I keep saying though: you can't keep a bad bitch down, and Boston's one of the baddest. This too shall pass.

🔺5. Ray (12)

I am thick-skinned. I don't care.

*deep negro spiritual sigh* How DARE you bust up the loser camping trip Raymond. I'll not forgive you for that one. Ray, rejected by Mew, demands Sand's company for an ego-boosting dopamine hit (including the sex that Mew denied him, natch), continuing to treat him like a servant and a possession. But this time Sand calls him on it, and that maybe means he thinks about it a little? TBD. I do think Ray WAS actually honest this episode about his feelings (hence the rise in rank), but he was still trying to get what he wanted out of Sand. He and Mew ended their ill-advised relationship as friends though, so that's a positive. Rehab seems to be on the menu next week so anything's possible. I still think these two are terrible for each other, but they're 21, I guess it's allowed.

🔺6. Top (7)

I just want you to know that the person you think loves you the most is not that good.

Watching Top work Mew's moms over all Mew's objections was gross, and I'm fortified anew in my feeling that this dude's vibes are just OFF. Top...circling Mew like this, working Cheum, working his moms, making the move to excise Ray but not actually pulling the trigger because he knows taking the high road will appeal to Mew...look this show has 3 more eps to prove me wrong but something ain't RIGHT with this 'un. Top's money, his good looks, his sweet words, that's all it seems anybody pays attention to, but something underneath...anyway, his strategy's working, right up until the moment Mew runs into Boeing on his fucking doorstep.

🔻7. Mew (3)

I just thought if I became someone else, I'd be stronger.

Well the slut spiral was fun while it lasted, but I guess the morning after a coke bender is generally unpleasant and Mew's a paper tiger not a real G. Mew's trying to keep up the party boy persona but he's not built for this shit, his heart's not in it and Ray trying to literally get in his pants crashed him back to reality. He's totally going back to Top, Boeing or no Boeing.

⭐8. Mew's moms

I saw you on Mew's Instagram. You look better in person.

Oof. Look they're cute and they obviously love Mew, but their son is clearly uncomfortable and unhappy with Top around and they're ignoring that. They may not know what happened, but the room ain't THAT hard to read.

🔻9. Atom (1)

Did I just get nailed and bailed?

Atom tried dick exactly once and it's got him outside Boston's house in the middle of the night begging for more of the same. My bunny boiler hopes have fizzled for both Nick and Sand, maybe Atom is the one I've been waiting for.

🔹10. Yo (10)

Good can't buy love.

Mae Yo with the read this week: 'good can't buy love'. I really want Mom and Cool Stepdad back together. GO GET YOUR MAN YO!

🔻11. Daddy Dan (4)

I'm not going to be your boss tonight. Call me Daddy Dan.

The cringe is through the roof. Well he might get to sniff it but a sniff's all he's gonna get before Nick's back in Boston's bed, and that's just a matter of time at this point.

🔻12. Cheum (8)

The evil spirit left you already, huh?

Will Cheum ever learn to mind the business that pays her? Her lack of interest in her brother's clear and obvious heartbreak is contrasted unfavourably with her overinvestment and overinvolvement in the Mew/Top saga. I also somehow feel like last week's self-interested moment of solidarity with Boston won't survive contact with her brother getting exactly what he asked for and breaking his own heart with it.

[themagnusbane]

I swear, in all these Only Friends discourse that has been raging since the finale dropped on Saturday, I wonder if anyone actually took a second to be like: this story is being told through the eyes of 20-21 year old college students. They are the mouthpiece through which this story is being narrated. Is it possible therefore that their age, their lack of experience, their slightly sheltered lives, might play a role in how they navigate their friendships, the world at large and how they react?

Like @jojotichakorn has started several times, and I agree a 100%; this story isn’t a morality lesson. Nobody is saying casual sex bad. You are evil if you’re non-monogamous. Blah blah blah. As a graysexual polyam person who just uses the term queer cuz it’s easier than me having a 30 mins convo with a stranger about my orientation and how everything intersects for me, this show was everything. Cuz PEOPLE ARE MESSY! People are messy and judgemental and annoying. Just because they’re queer doesn’t mean they WON’T be messy. I was especially a fucking shithead at 21. Hell, I was a virgin until I turned 22 (not quite as sanctimonious as Mew, thank SPIRIT!!). Who I am now at 33 is vastly different from who I was over a decade ago. I moved out at 22. Been living on my own for that time. The person I am today is a product of all I have seen and experienced. I lost the black and white lens through which I viewed the world, in that period of time.

And you know what? I do feel that these kids (cuz they are kids to me. I haven’t sat in a university class in almost 13 years 🤷🏾‍♀️), will grow, and learn and evolve. Boston I think will do fantastically well in New York. He will continue to come into his own. Will figure out what kind of relationships work best for him (both in regards to his friendships and his sexual and romantic—if he wants any—relationships), and he will thrive.

Mew will eventually get that stick out of his arse and get off his high horse. He will realize that people are messy, imperfect, and make mistakes, and that he too is flawed. And that is okay. That he doesn’t need to be burdened to replicate the perfect home life he had with his mothers. That hell, just because he fancies himself better than others, doesn’t mean that he isn’t as capable of the depraved things the human mind can conjure up 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Ray will probably battle with his addiction all his life. Will realize that battling addiction is a life-long process. Will lean on the support he has. Will probably learn to forgive his mum, and come to terms with her frailty as a human being, and what that meant with regards her suicide. He will also probably let himself admit that as much as he loved her, and wanted her to hold him and love him, he is justifiably angry at her that she did neither of those things, and then left him. He will probably confront his dad about the role he played, and didn’t play in all of this. He might decide to break up with Sand later. And they will still be good friends. Or Sand might be that ex he hasn’t spoken to in years, yet he still thinks of and smiles when he hears I Wanna Be Yours.

Same goes for Sand, and Top and Nick as well.

And who knows, at some point Cheum might realize that she can be quite the shitty friend. That she’s been a shitty friend. She might reach out to her now former friends, and honestly sincerely apologize. Or not. That’s another thing. Some people take forever to grow. And some don’t learn a lick from their experiences. And when time has passed and they looked back at all their burned bridges and try to reconnect, they are left with hands fluttering in the wind, and everyone they love out of reach 🤷🏾‍♀️.

But yeah. I don’t know about y’all. Maybe you were well adjusted uni students who were always right and knew the right words to say, and didn’t fuck up every other Saturday, and whose lives were peachy. But I was a dumbass, making dumbass choices, being a sanctimonious dumbass, and being an absolute menace. And that was how I watched the show. Knowing that this is a story of these kids, told to us by THESE kids. P’Jojo was just the conduit for their story. But it is ultimately THEIRS. I just watched it for them. Not for any moral lessons (this isn’t a parable or a fable. And I say this as someone who has been fascinated by mythology since I was 7), but to be entertained by the lives of these messy kids, crash-figuring their way to adulthood, and thanking the universe that my early 20s are way behind me, cuz fucking hell. That era of my life was some shit-show!

[chalkrevelations]

At some point, in my copious free time (haha), I want to go back and really pay attention to who's the POV/framing character of each episode of Only Friends and what consequent impression we get of all the other characters from the ep.

At least partially because Ray's seemed like the designated punching bag in the wake of Ep 8, and I can't help wondering if that's influenced by his presentation from Boston's POV, which is not only pretty unforgiving in general, but is also the POV of a guy who's seemed to have had it out for Ray the entire show. I've seen people talk about how they find subtextual signs of friendship between these two, but if so, it's a friendship that's gone badly wrong. Boston's been consistently, deliberately mean to Ray - not just thoughtless or selfish, as he can be with other characters - since Ep 1, when he calls Ray a "burden" when he's drunk, echoing the language Ray uses for himself when he's at his suicidal lowest. Then add in the fact that Ray's the one who spilled to Mew about Boston and Top, setting off this whole chain-reaction that's estranged Boston from his friends group, as well as pressing on his issues about exposure. Yeah, Ray behaved badly, and he should never, ever snort up again because he's an asshole on coke, but there's also no way Ray's going to look like anything other than his absolute worst - practically malicious rather than a fucking mess - if we're looking at him through the lens of Boston.

Similarly, Boston's seemed, if not actually friendly, at least on decent terms with Sand - enough to feel like he can say what is or isn't Sand's usual stash. I ... don't know at this point if he knows that Sand was the actual leak re: Nick's sex recording, rather than Ray getting it directly from Nick? If he doesn't know, there's even more reason for Sand to come across as a stand-up guy stuck dealing with an absolute asshole - despite Sand also having some responsibility for what's going on between him and Ray. (Because a) I still want to know what Ray's dad wanted Sand to help him out with - and does Sand have some kind of ulterior motive for his interactions with Ray, at this point? And b) I question whether there wasn't a point that if Sand had stopped pushing Ray away by saying they weren't anything more than friends, Ray wouldn't have fallen into this thing with Mew so easily. Yo and Plug aren't just randomly breaking up in the middle of Ray and Sand having a fight. They're breaking up because Yo is Sand. Sand's commitment issues after Boeing or whoever, and the way that's affecting the SandRay relationship, in which Ray has made a ton of soft overtures, pursuing and pursuing, are Yo's commitment issues in a now-failing relationship that initially started because of Plug's courtship. It's maybe the most blunt-force writing we've seen in the show - Yo and Plug's relationship got fridged to make a statement about Sand and Ray's relationship.)

ANYWAY, just because Boston's not in a scene doesn't mean we're not seeing other characters through his lens, in his POV episode.

I also found Force's portrayal of Top in this ep interesting, including the way he interacts with Boston, given the visible discomfort and unease he's portrayed around Boston in other eps, particularly in sexual situations. Instead we get that weirdly companionable moment Boston and Top have, when Top doesn't take any shit from Boston, and in response, Boston doesn't take any offense to his threats. Cheum isn't the only one who looks to Top to solve the problem with the police - so does Boston. Top is actually pretty solid and steady and take-charge in this ep, but he also constantly looks kind of hangdog and whipped, and that may give some insight into how Boston tends to see him, as well as how he sees Top's current fixation on Mew.

Cheum is over-invested in Top winning back Mew, an amplification of her encouragement of their relationship since the beginning, and overall tiresome in her self-appointed role as cop-without-a-badge, but without any real force - nothing she says here manages to reach the level of dismissing Boston as a heartless slut in front of everyone and his date - which may indicate that Boston doesn't actually give a shit about Cheum.

Mew, on the other hand - the one who threatened to out Boston to his father and possibly the world via revenge porn, and all that after locking down Top in a chastity belt - spends his time either moping around and feeling sorry for himself or being a self-centered, smugly superior, thoughtless and sometimes malicious little fuck, encouraging his addict "best friend" to drink and do drugs with him, doing everything he can to make Top's life miserable including openly using Ray to try making Top jealous, and trying to poke his fingers into Boston's wounds - which of course Boston brushes off, because he'd see himself as above whatever Mew could throw at him. And then after all that, he can't even hold his liquor. Amateur.

Don't get me started on how soft and pretty Nick looks in this ep. I don't know if that's Boston's lens, or if that's just Mark Pakin.

[toomuchracket]

BABYMOON/ first holiday with baby. Matty holding baby in the pool 🥹

oh my god!! yes. i'm imagining the baba being around eighteen months old (walking and kinda talking and eating solid food) when you take them abroad for the first time (although i think, like, uk city breaks with the baby when they're really little would be so cute, just weekends here and there. although god help you trying to get a pram around, say, edinburgh!). they've been teething non-stop for the past 6 months, and all three of you are a little bit stressed and emotional, and maybe you and matty are watching tv one night after the baby's gone to sleep and there's like a holiday/flight company ad (not the fucking jet2 one though i fucking HATE IT lol), and matty just turns to you and says "let's go on holiday". you don't even need convincing - even the THOUGHT of sunshine and sea air and just warmth has you feeling more relaxed already, so you book it then and there. i think you'd pick somewhere that's not too long a flight from london for you and the baby, so maybe you do two weeks in spain - malaga, perhaps? and obv baba is none the wiser, but you and matty are so excited for your first international family holiday. just like he did before they were born, matty almost goes a bit insane with the clothes shopping - he's buying cute little t-shirts and shorts and swimwear for the baby, a pair of tiny little docs sandals (cutest things on earth btw), little sunhats and baseball caps to protect their scalp in the sun (he defo cries at the tiny hats in the shops don't @ me), and even a pair of baby ray-bans that match his :')) and i think matty would totally spoil you with new clothes too! like, this is the first big thing that's happened to you all since the baby was born, and he just wants to treat and appreciate you, love of his life and mother of his child. and matty knows you so well at this point, like he's so attuned to what kind of clothes you like most and feel your best in, so everything he buys you - mostly pretty sundresses/maxi skirts and swimsuits - is something you'll absolutely love.

anyway, onto the actual holiday. the flight itself is alright - baby sleeps for part of it, then looks at a couple of picture books, and the cabin crew are BESOTTED with them - and so is the journey to your villa (i think you'd probs hire a car, just for ease with the little one). and it's incredible - very private, but in a nice area that you can walk around with the baby, which you do most days. i think you definitely go to the beach at least once - baba is NOT vibing with walking on the sand without their sandals on at first, at which you turn to matty and go "that's your genetics, definitely", but they're fine with it after you convince them to do a bit of paddling in the sea and play the game where you jump over the tiny waves. like they literally will not stop giggling and going "more, mummy!" until they're (and you're) exhausted, and then matty builds sandcastles with them while you sit and read your book, looking up sporadically and awww-ing at the sight of their curly heads bowed intently as they create their masterpiece (you take a sneaky pic, which soon becomes your lockscreen). most days, though, you just spend lazing about in the villa, playing in the garden or in the pool and just enjoying the sun - baba's a bit reluctant towards the sunscreen application process, though, and the only way they'll sit through it is if they see you putting it on matty and vice versa. naturally, matty loves this, because it means he gets to touch up his bikini-clad wife multiple times a day - and that's before the proper touching begins after baby goes to bed at night. anyway, back to daytime; truly your favourite thing about the holiday is watching matty and the baba in the pool, the two of them constantly giggling and splashing about. i think matty genuinely tries to teach the little one to swim, like has their little armbands on and some floaties, but most of the time he just holds them as he floats and walks about the pool, talking and singing and playing games. baba's favourite pool game, though, is one you're involved in too, and it came about by accident - you were standing fanning yourself at the poolside one day, and baba was like "mummy hot?", and matty just looked you up and down smirking and went "oh, mummy's hot alright", and you like rolled your eyes and matty laughed and went "come in with us and cool down" and you were like "yeah ok but don't splash me", so obviously matty held the baby and scooted over to you humming the jaws theme and splashed you and you were like "OI" and baba found the whole thing hilarious, so now you have to let the two of them splash you every time you go into the pool. but you don't mind, obvs - they're your family and you love them and you just all have the best time relaxing and having fun <3

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Hypocrisy

Alright, I didn’t know what I wanted to write about for today’s episode of Only Friends and @colourme-feral suggested hypocrisy and @writerwithoutsound suggested Nick and or BostonNick, so let’s try to kill two birds with one stone. 

[I was floating the idea of hypocrisy anyway so this ended up being perfect]. 

OKAY SO, if there is one thing that is true about Only Friends it is that every character is judging or hates another character for a behavior they themselves have engaged in and have no problems with.

Sure, Jan.

Which is just such a human trait, “my behavior was justified, but their behavior was not” type of bullshit that we do because we are only ever capable of understanding to the fullest extent our own thoughts and feelings and motivations, and aren’t always capable of extending the same critical thought to others. 

What’s fun about Only Friends is that in order to discuss the hypocrisy that existed in Episode 9, we have to understand that almost none of the hypocritical behavior is new. Everyone has been falling in to the same patterns of the people they judge the harshest.

So, what hypocrisies did we see today? 

Top

Top wants Mew back, Top claims to care about Mew’s feelings, and Top spends the entire episode consistently, continuously, and pointedly ignoring Mew’s established boundaries by appealing to Mew’s moms. After having his own relationship ruined by a recording, Top takes the initiative to get back at Sand and at Ray by filming them making out, as evidence for Mew. And he is fully prepared to use it, to try to show Mew that Ray is cheating on him just like Top did. But he pulls himself back at the last minute, why? Because he knows that Mew has, until their breakup, always considered himself as morally superior, and a strong sense of morality is an attractive feature for Mew.

It is, in my mind, part of why Mew has never been romantically interested in Ray, because Ray engages in almost every single behavior that Mew looks down on as morally reprehensible. By choosing not to share the video, Top is playing to the moral high ground, but he still took the video in the first place, and you know he is holding on to it in case he needs it later, and you know Top had intended to use the video, and had tried on several occasions to show Mew. It was only at the last second that he decided to change tactics. And it worked in his favor, but his actions are still entirely hypocritical because he says he is doing all of this because he cares about Mew’s feelings, when in actuality he doesn’t care about Mew’s feelings, he cares about manipulating Mew’s feelings. 

Sand

We have established time and time again that Sand hates Top, and Top similarly has no love for Sand. We have also heard repeatedly that the reason for this is because Top stole Sand’s ex. I am hoping we get some sort of flash back to what he means by that next episode. But either way there is an implication here that Boeing either cheated on Sand or that Top was making moves on Boeing while he was with Sand, they broke up, and then Boeing started dating Top. Either way, Sand has exhibited zero amount of understand or willingness to move on or move past Top’s transgressions. Except, this episode we see Sand actively be made aware of the fact that Ray is lying to Mew about the fact that he and Sand are still fucking, acknowledges that he is being used as a secret lover for Ray, and deciding to have sex with Ray anyway, therefore helping Ray cheat on Mew, the very thing that Mew was initially spiraling over with Top.

Sand is the one that stole the audio recording and started the distribution train that led to the downfall of Top and Mew’s relationship, so that he could ruin Top’s relationship because Top had ruined his and Boeing’s. I do think Sand did release the audio file to Ray in some capacity to get Ray to go to Mew, either it was going to ruin Mew and Ray’s relationship leaving Ray open for him, or it would bring Mew and Ray together, and allow Sand to move on from his compulsive need to yield to Ray. (Though Sand is, like many of the others, a contradictory character who keeps saying that he won’t wait for Ray, and waits for him anyway; or says he doesn’t want Ray to come meet him, but then they end up fucking when Ray does inevitably show up). 

oh honey, we know.

And like I said in a post the other day, except for the brief moment in Episode 1 where Mew apologizes to Sand on Ray’s behalf when Ray is drunk and trying to fight Sand in the bathroom, Mew and Sand have not said a single word to each other since, yet they keep radically impacting each other’s lives, mostly by nature of playing the world’s largest and most convoluted game of ping pong with a one Ray Pakorn.  

I would like to just acknowledge the masterful way that Jojo and co have handled this show, and the maturing of their characters. We have spent eight episodes watching these boys do everything under the sun to protect what they want, besides you know…talking to each other about it like reasonable adults. But that is expressly because they aren’t reasonable adults. They are barely even adults. Most of them are just learning how to exist in the world as people, how to navigate relationships, how to be mature; and those characters like Sand who have had no choice but to get independent and self sufficient quickly can appear mature compared to everyone else, or may consider themselves more mature than others around them, which I for one think Sand absolutely does think he is more mature than the other people he knows. But he is the same age as the rest of them, he is just as susceptible to being a petty little asshole, to lying, to cheating, to manipulating to get what he wants when talking openly and honestly would have saved him a whole lot of time and heartache. 

Nick 

oh how the camera loves Mark Pakin

Honestly, I am trying to think about whether or not Nick has been hypocritical at all, and I don’t think he was in this episode. I think after his conversation with Boston at the Halloween party he has admitted defeat and was trying to move on. He tried making out with Sand to see how it felt, they both realized they were very much only friends. He tried making out with Daddy Dan and it went fine. But Nick saw Boston at the bar, and decided it was time to finish this once and for all, so he went to go apologize to Boston, sincerely, and to tell him, honestly, what his feelings were. Then he left and went back to his date with Dan without once looking back behind him to see if Boston was following. Good job, Nick, if I am remembering all events of Episode 9 correctly, you made it out the other end of this episode without being a hypocrite!

Boston

It cannot be denied that in past episodes, Boston has been extremely hypocritical. He broke it off with Nick because Nick recorded Boston and Top having sex. You know, something Boston thought (correctly) was an egregious violation of privacy. Yet fails to see how him recording Ray and Mew was doing precisely the same thing. 

However….you know, I don’t think Boston was much of a hypocrite this episode either. I think as a character, similarly to Sand, he is very contradictory. Boston has been saying for a long time that his heart is frozen at sub zero temperatures, he doesn’t want a relationship, he has never loved Nick, etc. etc, and yet we are beginning to see the cracks in that. Boston doesn’t take pictures of himself, yet he and Nick both have selfies of both of them together. Boston tries to maintain some sort of morals, trying to convince his friends younger brother not to sleep with him, but Atom keeps pushing. Boston spends this episode minding his own goddamn business for what appears to be the first time in his entire life. As a result, he gets Nick, interrupting his bathroom hook up to give a truly mature, and expert apology about the ways he has hurt Boston, and how he feels about Boston. Boston says he doesn’t like drama, but he leaves his hook up the second his hook up says Nick is being dramatic. 

As an aside, I absolutely loved every single one of Boston’s reactions to everything Nick was saying about him. Because Boston for the last x period of time, since the reveal that Boston and Top fucked while Top was dating Mew, Boston has literally been getting his ass beat repeatedly, and has been explicitly told that he was not welcome in the events the rest of the friend group are in. He’s always given off a kind of lone wolf vibe to me, but I don’t think he actually is one, and I think he is actually starting to feel the impacts of his decisions. As @shortpplfedup says “when Boston starts realizing that not everybody thinks like him, he’ll be okay.” 

Anyway, good job Boston and Nick for managing not to commit egregious acts of moral failure this episode. So proud of you!

Cheum 

Okay, listen. Jojo is content in showing that The Lesbians are a) capable of doing the thing all these boys need to learn and communicating openly and honestly about their issues in order to preserve their relationship and b) are simultaneously capable of being messy bitches. I love Jojo for this. Cheum this episode, as with every episode, continues her attack on Ray, “the evil spirit left you already, huh?” and sure there is an argument here that she is speaking generally. But I am holding fast to the read that she is talking about Ray, because at no point before this has she blamed Mew for his own behavior. She spends all this time praising Top, and then finishes by saying “but what he did was damn evil. It’s too much to forgive. I understand that.” 

Ma’am. 

My dear. 

Darling. 

Were you not the one desperately trying to get Top and Mew back together? Were you not the one ignoring that very knowledge in order to try to get Mew to forgive Top? Were you not the one that gave Top the invitation in the desperate hope that these two would get back together? Are you really only now seeing what Mew was so upset about, or have you understood the entire time, and were just okay with potentially making Mew uncomfortable for the sake of preserving the relationship you want your friend to have? These are rhetorical questions, I know the answer. 

Mew

Mew has, in my opinion at least, not been the most hypocritical person out there, but he certainly has been one of, if not the most judgemental people out there. In this episode, though, we get a kind of hypocrisy from Mew that doesn’t actually bother me, or really make me roll my eyes because it is so effectively utilized, and it all has to do with Mew’s relationship to Ray. 

Because Mew went scorched earth on Top when he found out Top cheated. He felt hurt, he felt betrayed, he spiraled into a wave of insecurity so hard he adopted Ray’s aesthetic and personality. He started partying, he started drinking, he tried to change every part of himself. And he was fucking pissed. He wouldn’t talk to Top, he flaunted Ray around because he knew it would piss Top off, he got escalated on multiple occasions, and fought Boston cause he was so upset about being cheated on. 

And then Ray goes and does the very same thing that Top did. On multiple occasions. He kisses Sand at the Halloween party, he makes out with Sand at school, he lives in the middle of the night, drives two hours out of his way, just so he can meet up with Sand, interrupts A GAY BOY CUDDLE (it is the sin of all sins to break up a gay boy cuddle) and then has sex with Sand all while he is still dating Mew. 

You can imagine after Episode 8, how my brain was spinning thinking about Mew finding out that Ray cheated on him at the party, getting super pissed, and having a blow out fight that ended in a break up. So you can imagine my (very pleasant and happy) surprise at Mew and Ray at the end of Episode 9 just talking it through. I say Mew’s hypocrisy this episode is something I really liked because it felt like such a natural and organic demonstration of where Mew and Ray’s feelings for each other truly lie. Mew is using Ray to get back at Top. Ray knows Mew is using him to get back at Top. They have a calm conversation and an amicable break up, and Mew doesn’t seem at all upset that Ray cheated on him. Because Mew does not care about Ray like that. 

I do think Mew truly loves Ray, as a friend. I do think that Mew certainly has some compassion fatigue from navigating Ray’s substance use issues for multiple years, at a very young age, but it seems very clear to me in the way that friend group interacts with Ray that the only reason Ray has any friends at all is because Mew keeps him in his life. 

Ray

Ohhhhh Ray. Ray, Ray, Ray I love you dude, but Jesus Fucking Christ. Here you are once again, proving my point. Ray, I don’t know if you are *the* biggest hypocrite of the evening, but you are certainly in the running. I know you’re hurting, but damn dude you’re self-sabotaging. Ray has spent so much of his time in this show simping for Mew, wanting to be with Mew, saying that he loves and cares for Mew. And the second that he is able to shoot his shot and have Mew even remotely entertain the idea of them being a couple, he shifts all of his attention to Sand. 

Which, to be clear, Ray being interested in Sand is not the hypocritical part of all of this. Because, despite the fact that Ray was being kind of a massive piece of shit when he said it to Sand, he’s not wrong that he is allowed to like as many people as he wants. BUT Ray fucking hates Top, for a number of reasons, primarily because he is dating Mew and therefore getting in the way of Ray being able to do the same. 

But also because Ray jumps in to play hero, Ray tells Mew repeatedly that Ray has been nothing but good to Mew, and that Mew has been nothing but good to Ray. And, then the second that Ray has everything he thinks he wants, he turns around and pulls exactly the same bullshit that Top did. Ray cheats on Mew, multiple times depending on what Mew’s definition of cheating would be. Whereas Top was able to wait to have sex with Mew, Ray after however many denials of sex erupts on Mew, he gets upset about it, and Mew calls him on his bullshit a bit, but the fact remains that as much as Ray says he cares about Mew, he isn’t showing it when push comes to shove. 

I want to wrap this post up by saying that I think Jojo, Ninew, Den, and the others have done a truly remarkable job navigating the mentality of 21 year old boys. I love that after two months of watching these kids constantly come up with the most convoluted shit to hold on to the things they want, including recording intercourse, stealing said recording of intercourse, low-key stalking someone, and timing a playlist to incorporate the sounds of said recorded intercourse, they have finally finally started thinking “hmmm…what if we just…talked about it?” All our boys started showing some impressive blossoms of maturity this episode and I cannot wait for their inevitable backslide because they are- and I cannot stress this enough -all suffering from a chronic illness called Being In Your Early 20s.

[heretherebedork]

I'd say Top is a way bigger red flag, he had the chance to tell Mew honestly about the fact that he cheated but didn't, got upset at Mew, and didn't believe him about the Ray situation, is just a dck to everyone for nearly no reason and also isn't honest with Mew at all even though they are dating or at least pretty much dating and wants a "reward" for stopping to take drugs whilst Boston is honestly only horny and a bad friend (no clue what kind of friend Top is, I don't even know if he has actual friends) to Mew and to some degree Ray (from the flashback he seems to have a good relationship to the lesbian whose name I forgot and he actually seems to be a decent fried towards Ray in there as well). Boston is pretty honest towards Nick in terms of their relationship of him caring for him but only really seeing him as a friend with benefits who he also thinks is cute (gotta say I think that Nick spying on him is the worse thing considering that Boston is at least honest, warned him and basically told Nick that he shouldn't agree with the relationship if he can't deal with all this).

tldr: Boston and Nick are kinda compatible. Top is just a dick towards everyone except for Mew from time to time. Ray needs to understand he actually likes Sand more than Mew.

Boston and Nick are compatible in that sense that they should date absolutely no one but each other, frankly, and I think that's for the best.

Top is a dick and I enjoy that about him, honestly. Might not want to fuck Boston anymore but happily does cocaine alone in a hotel room while claiming it's something he only does with friends. I love it. It's fun and messy.

But Boston is also only half-honest. He does tell Nick to use whatever terms he likes and will say basically anything to keep him in bed with him but, honestly, I think Nick would do the same to him so... I'm okay with it.

I am hitting the point where Mew is probably the least interesting character to me because everything is starting to point to him him genuinely just being this Good Guy Virgin who is manipulative but mildly so and I was hoping for something... more complex and messy than 'good guy done wrong by player' but ehhhh, that's just me. I was seeking evil virgin and I need to get over my own wishes.

Anyway.

Boston is Boston. He's a slut and he's proud of it and he is at the very least a mediocre friends but probably not a great one and Ray is a tiny disaster who needs so much therapy it's not even funny and Mew is... somehow friends with both of them

Ugh, Ray broke my heart at the end into pieces at the end when he realized that Mew wasn't the same kind of friend to him that he was to Mew and that's not even about the love he feels for him but also the way that he thinks of him first in his life and as the first person he'd contact any time he was in trouble. But that's not what Ray is to Mew and that's never what Ray can be to Mew. Mew was clear that nothing in their friendship was going to change. And that's hard to face.

There's a lot in this show that works with itself and builds on itself and it's very, very good to see and to watch. I just keep hoping for more from a few characters (okay, I mean Mew. I don't just want Mew to get revenge, I want Mew to have been manipulating all along.)

Anyway!

Yeah.

There's a lot. I think everyone is a lot less honest then they let on but also possibly less deliberately manipulative. Except Boston. And maybe Mew. And probably Top. (Who sleeps with someone after telling them to stop taking drugs without even giving them a chance to actually stop?) But I might be wrong about any of them.

[forcebookish]

Rank the ofs characters from favorite to least favorite

Ps love your blog 😊

HMMMMMMMM, i'm going to stick with the main boys and cheum because i either have next to no opinion about the rest of the cast (yo, plug, dan, gap, etc.) or you already know i fucking hate them (atom, boeing); i like april well enough, but she didn't get much screentime - i think more of her than the other supporting/guest roles, but her position as cheum's girlfriend kind of just made her likable and that was it.

all that being said, i think these are going to be obvious, if controversial, but get ready for a lot of words regardless. hopefully no one finds this through the search function 😅

1. top

MY SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i genuinely love everything about him. i think he was actually the only character who never went out of his way to hurt someone, was only ever mean to or fought with people who started (and deserved) it, and even tried to be friendly with people who treated him like garbage. he was always sweet with mew, only ever yelled to defend himself (and even with mew, just barely raised his voice), and truly was never the asshole the other characters, the fandom, or even top himself made him out to be. even the stuff that was actually true that the fandom hated him for was hot lol can't account for taste *flips hair* and he was so loving!!! i don't know why people didn't get that!!! plus the way he wraps himself around someone when he kisses? 👌👌👌👌 despite his limited screentime (🤬🤬🤬🤬), he still had the best character development and backstory.

2. mew

not a surprise that everyone (except boston lol) loved him. i didn't always like his choices and i think the writers dropped the ball on him hard with some very bizarre character inconsistencies but barring most of episode 10 and 12, he's like top said: cute, sexy, and interesting. like. so sexy. soooooo soos ossoso so sos fuckign sexy oh my god. he wasn't naive or bland, he had so much more going on, and i loved how playful and competitive he was. i don't have a lot to say about mew tbh i just love him haha

3. nick

WHAT A FREAK OH MY GOD. i think he fell victim to more drama contrivances than i would have preferred (the audio being edited, him never confronting sand about stealing it or telling mew who stole it, dan disappearing from his life, his whole storyline completely forgotten). really, the only bad dude of the bunch who i loved because he was so... fascinating. and again, didn't really do anything just to hurt anyone; there was no malice in his actions, he just was... a freak lol but it was weird how much it felt like the drama didn't really care about him?? for example, i HATED his ending. while rejecting boston was the right thing to do, what happened after that!??!???? did he move out?? did he go to america? did he keep working at dan's office??? what happened to him!!???!??? justice for nick!!!!!

4. cheum

i really like how serious she is most of the time but that she also has a goofy side. however, it didn't make any sense that she went from feeling for top and relying on him to going back to calling him an asshole. it would have been way more interesting (and lbr, realistic!!!) if they became friends again. plus her just instantly forgiving atom for lying about boston just because he was a babygay??? come on. other than that, i think she had some pretty consistent characterization and growth: she was probably the only one who really cared about their friendships, and to a fault (wanting to help mew, being frustrated with ray overlooking her, dropping top without trying to understand him, and giving boston a second chance just because she felt guilty and wanted everyone to get along again), which was an interesting trait/direction. plus, her wanting to kiss ray was so real and iconic.

5. boston

yes, he's higher on the list than i ever would have expected. i still hate him: there's the sexual assault and coercion, creepy creeping, talking shit about or screwing over his "friends," only apologizing when it was demanded of him (and even then, half-assed), and only ever caring about himself. but! at least he did it in an interesting and not annoying way. i was never bored or annoyed when he was on screen; as much as i hated him, i did kinda wanna see what he was going to do. it was even almost fun to hate him! i think they could have done more with him (his subplot with atom was pretty pointless - his fucking top should have been enough for him to end up friendless lmao), like his dad's verbal abuse/not being out to him or his parents' divorce, and had been more honest about what everyone actually saw in him. he was an asshole to the point where it was unclear why anyone liked him lol but i do like that he got what he wanted in the end, and in the worst possible of circumstances! i wouldn't say he got his true comeuppance, but it was a cool end to his arc.

6. sand

oooh, sand and ray fought hard for who i hated more lmao but in the end, there were at least a few things i liked about sand: smashing his phone to steal the sex tape (seriousSLY WHA TWAS THAT OMG IT WAS AMAZING fucking lunatic), making plum wine, and his relationship with his mom. then why isn't he higher than boston? while boston has pretty much no positive attributes as a person, the things i hate about sand as a character outweigh those few things i like about him. the way he lets ray walk all over him no matter what, can't forgive top for boeing when boeing was obviously a fucking dickhead, doesn't apologize to top for ruining his life, pretends to give a shit about mew when he just wanted to blow up top's life and get back at ray in the process, and somehow being kinda... boring? the aforementioned stuff i liked was certainly interesting, but most of the time he just kind of... followed along with ray; there wasn't that much more to his arc, it was just a cycle of abuse. plus, the fandom claimed that mew thought he was better than everyone, but sand actually thought he was better than everyone, and never acknowledged that anything he did was bad. everything was justified to him. and he clearly is addicted to alcohol too like why did he just keep drinking with ray when he knew ray was an addict!!! come on, dude!!

7. ray

like boston, why do people like this guy!!???!????? characters and viewers alike! every single thing about him is annoying. in the first episode, i thought he was just quick to anger and therefore actually had the potential for being my favorite character, but he's just a whiny little bitch. the way he talks, the way he treats his friends and especially sand, the way he BARELY EVER apologizes for the worst of what he does (apologizing for not telling mew and cheum about being hospitalized but not about yelling at them and exposing their secrets; apologizing for calling mew dumb but not SCREAMING AT HIM FOR NOT FUCKING HIM????????????!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!???!???????!???) (i think the one time he did was only when he kissed mew and that was just because mew was going to cut him out of his life, i don't believe for a second it was because he actually felt bad about it), how he always brings up his dead mom as if that's an excuse to treat everyone like shit, and the way he gets away with everything. fucking everything. he should have gone to jail! twice! he spends the whole series denying the fact that he has a problem and then goes to, what, a week of rehab and just is perfectly fine? that shit with boeing was so out of line and yet sand was the one who had to apologize for it?? what the fuck??? acted all high and mighty at top despite CHEATING ON MEW?? AND NOT BECAUSE SOME ASSHOLE TRICKED HIM HE REALLY DROVE TWO HOURS TO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE AND THEN FACED NO CONSEQUENCES FOR IT SERIOUSLY FUCK THIS GUY. i really truly cannot think of a single thing i like about him lmao completely insufferable. hated nearly every moment he was on screen. i probably would have liked the series 38402390483024 times more if he weren't in it. AND I HATE THAT I WROTE THE MOST ABOUT HIM OUT OF EVERYONE

moreover:

in general, it's actually kind of a bummer that the writers felt like they needed to include sandray at all. they were the only characters in the main cast who were wholly made up and not based on anyone irl and it made them the weakest links. i'm going to sound like a hypocrite because it pisses me off when people say this about topmew, but i think the series would have been improved without sandray.

that's not me hating on firstkhao!!!! i wish they had shined in their own series, because their talents were wasted in this one and their fanbase overcompensated for it in nasty ways. i have a hard time believing that they would have been so popular if they weren't played by firstkhao.

if the writers had incorporated some elements of ray's character (his crush on mew, bringing up his family life as an excuse for bad behavior, the way that the other characters actually like him for some reason) into boston, it would have made for a better character and the whole series would have come out a lot cleaner. his motives for fucking over top and mew would have been clearer and the tension with nick more complicated - nick could have been the one to expose topboston. the shit with boeing could have still happened, but just with The Bar Singer, and more time could have been spent on it to flesh it out. they didn't need to have the boyfriends, friends with benefits, fuck buddies theme - it would have worked just as well with just boyfriends and friends with benefits. nickboston's relationship went from fuck buddies to friends with benefits in two episodes anyway. and aprilcheum and plugyo could have had more screentime!!!

WOOF! the tenses in this were a mess, sorry. i wanted to include screencaps too, but i didn't want to gather them soz. anyway, this was fun to go through, anon! when i really look at it, the characters who went through the least amount of character development were the ones i hated the most, hmm 🤔 thanks for asking and loving my blog! 🥰

[invisiblegarters]

OF Character Rankings and Ramblings - Ep 10

Last week, everyone decided to be mature and actually talk to each other for a change and it was very jarring. Mew boomeranged back to being sensible, Nick and Sand tried to feel the power of love with each other and failed spectacularly (and were very adorable about it), Top and Ray did some boundary pushing that the people they were infringing on were into in spite of their protests, and Cheum was back to her usual MO of having three lines if she's lucky. Atom was very creepy and I looked at him and said oh boy you're gonna cause all the trouble. Boeing showed up to prove that Top has a type and also to make us all understand exactly why Sand's still pissed. I get it, Sand. Also, Nick decided to move on with Daddy Dan but still made time to stalk Boston and a hookup to the toilets and give him a heartfelt speech that was actually really sweet and clearly got to him, and Ray and Mew finally fucking broke up thank all the gods in every universe. They had a great conversation that was my second favorite thing about the episode. There was lots of great communication happening.

So of course we had to make up for it this week with a lot of people being very stupid.

And be forewarned, I am very ornery today and also frustrated. So maybe don't read if you don't want to see that frustration expressed. That said, if you continue and you want to talk about any point, that would be a lot of fun. I'm always up for a friendly exchange of views.

So let's get to it, shall we?

Character Rankings (Fave to Least fave atm)

Boston. Nope, nope, and nope. Fuck you show. Fuck you for having your characters imply or outright state that Boston's sluttiness means he's on par with being a sexual predator. And fuck you for the "Atom likes girls. What did you do to him?" line. I really hope that this isn't going to be left at that, because I'm incredibly over the constant conflation of Boston's promiscuity with deviance or some sort of moral failing. He's an asshole. He likes to sleep around. The two things aren't actually related and I'm SICK of seeing them treated like they're one in the same. STOP IT. And don't think I don't see parts of fandom doing the same, because I do. People really need to stop treating promiscuity or lack thereof as though it has anything to do with morality.

That done with, I have to say that I've been super impressed with Neo and with Boston as we've gone on. I don't need or want some big sob story to be the reason that he's an ass, and I am tentatively hopeful that it won't be the case. But I have been enjoying the way we're seeing him grow by increments. Boston's not nice, he's not a very good person generally, and I think that he's been coming to terms with that and with how he feels about it as the series has gone on. It hasn't been flashy - in fact it's been subtle enough that I almost didn't notice it - but the Boston that he was in episode one is not the one we're looking at in episode ten, and I love it to bits because the type of reflection he's doing is the type I've done with myself. I really really REALLY hope they don't pull the "reformed character is now monogamous" thing because as I've said, that's not actually a problem and shouldn't be considered one. But I do really love that he's clearly reflecting on some of the choices he's made and trying to decide if maybe he doesn't want to keep making some of them in the future.

Also his reactions when he realized that his friends really believed he could do what Atom was accusing him of...just great work.

Simply put, I adore him.

Sand. My ride or die baby, this one. I've already said it, but I'll say it again. I do not care what this man does. I support him. Every stupid decision, every misstep, every ridiculously misguidedly noble thing. I will just be like "you do you baby, because you are amazing."

Was he dumb to not keep Ray's daddy's money? YES. Did I actually expect him to? Lol no. That's just not my man. Not even a little bit. It's not just limited to Ray, either. Sand has some noble ideas about money that I really would like to smack out of his beautiful dumb head because that kind of thinking only really works for people who can afford it, but I love him anyway. That said, I will maintain until that I am blue in the face he did nothing wrong (maybe that's my bias showing but let's be real here, whatever Ray's dad said Sand's desire to help Ray was always going to come from caring for him first and foremost). Honestly he should take the money as reparations for all the shit Ray's put him through. Putting the blame on him for Ray's hurt boggles my mind, because something hurts you it doesn't automatically make the other person wrong. That's a lesson a lot of people could stand to learn, frankly. But I half expect Sand to blame himself for it anyway, because that's what he does. He internalizes, blames himself, subsumes whatever he may be feeling in favor of the other person. I no longer think he's going to snap (although who knows a lot can happen in two episodes in this show) but I still think the man could use a good hug, and for someone to tell him that his constant care for people who like to throw it in his face is appreciated. You know. To him, and not an imaginary version of him that can only be full of calm acceptance.

Now, when it comes to the alcohol business. While yes, that is a source of income for him, if he's serious about helping Ray and it's going to be a real problem for him to do that (and there's every indication that it is), if he chooses to get rid I will not blame him or consider it particularly stupid. To me, it's different from dad's money because one hurts Ray's feelings, the other could legitimately fuck with his road to recovery. If he wants to stay with Ray (and there is no indication given by him that he doesn't, even after that fight), then that is a step he might need to take to help him, if he can safely do it. And to be fair, we've been given no indication that he can't do that, either. Although it would be interesting to explore what might happen if he couldn't, I don't think we have enough time for that.

Mew. God help me, I love a petty bitch.

Look. I don't do the OF tags anymore because I've found it's better for my peace of mind overall, but I've seen enough around here and elsewhere to know that a lot of people are now sick of him (although a lot of people were sick of him from episode one, lol). They think that this episode he took the petty shit too far, and that if he's not going to just take Top back he should tell him and let him move on. There's also a lot of annoyance with the way he acted during the confronting Boston scene.

To all that I say I hear you, but I'm going to have to disagree. I get him a lot with the Top thing, in fact. He was hurt, but worse, he was humiliated, and all this is because he doesn't want to be fooled again. He still doesn't trust his own judgment. He's back to testing everything Top does and says now because he wants to believe him, but if he believes him and Top does it again, then it's no longer Top who's to blame. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. And Boeing is really really good at playing with those fears.

I do feel a little more iffy about the Boston thing, though. The little pat on the shoulder amused me at the time, I won't lie, but the more I think about it the more annoyed I get. He had no right to open his mouth, and he wasn't really there to give moral support to Cheum or even because was concerned about Atom. He was there to watch Boston suffer. Not cool, my dude. I'd be more amused by the whole thing if not for the SA subject, and for the constant slut shaming that goes along with it.

Boeing. Speaking of petty bitches. This man is out here doing the most for this episode at least, I'm not mad about it (he hurts Sand though and all bets are fucking off, did you not read what I wrote about him?). I wish that he'd been brought in a little earlier, mostly because he feels extremely plot devicey, but I can't say I don't like looking at him or don't admire just how petty he can be. I genuinely don't know if he actually wants Top back or if he just wants to break him, and that's kind of fun. Also his little digs at Mew were hilarious. I kept trying to manifest a threesome between him, Mew and Top but I guess I wasn't doing it right because the show did not oblige. There's always Ray and Sand or my personal favorite, a flashback to one with Top and Sand. And that's why Sand doesn't do threesomes.

Ray. Oh, Ray. Raymond. Here's another one that I came out of the episode with initial thoughts and then the more I sat on them, the more they changed. Or not changed but. Sigh. Okay, let's try to be coherent here.

I want to start off by saying I do not blame Ray for going off the way he did when he thought that Sand was taking money from his dad. I know that sounds contradictory when I have also said Sand was stupid for not taking the money, but being able to see why Ray was upset doesn't mean I think Sand should pretend he couldn't use the money. And as I already said he kind of deserves it for all the shit Ray puts him through.

Anyway, I don't blame Ray for his upset, mostly because I really do think he was coming at it from a place of hurt, because look. I am not Ray's biggest fan and probably never will be since he is constantly hurting my personal favorite, but it seems extremely clear to me that what went down with Ray is the same thing that happened with Sand in episode 5: he found out a piece of information that made him recalibrate his entire relationship with Sand, and he came some very unhappy conclusions. The fact that he's wrong doesn't change that. Because from Ray's POV Sand went and made him fall in love with him, convinced him he cared, and now Ray's doing this huge thing for him (which is part of why I love that first therapy session - Ray treats it like a chore, like something he has to get over with so that he can appease Sand and fulfil his end of a bargain he half thought Sand would back out of, and that's EXACTLY how he should have treated it because that's how he felt about it then) and the whole time Sand wasn't doing any of it because he cared like he made Ray believe, he was just doing as his father paid him to do. He was always gonna find a way to get out of it initially anyway, but this was delicious to me personally because god help me, I love the kind of anguish that comes with caring so much for someone and then having to suspect that every time they claimed to feel the same they were doing it under false pretenses. Sue me. Only don't because I don't have a lot of money.

And I do think deep down he probably knew better. But when has rationality ever gotten a look in with Ray? He's a live wire, he's too fucking reactive to sit down for two seconds and think. Which is where my issues come in but just a sec, we're not there yet.

I really liked his second therapy session. I liked how different it was from the first, how obvious it is that he's now determined to at least try, even if he still doesn't think that he needs to be there. He's still doing it for Sand, but less in a "I'm going to tick this box so he'll shut up" way and more in a "I want to try to be better for him" way, which to me does make a difference. As the therapist said, people go to rehab for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes it's for themselves. Often it's for someone else. And that's okay. Sometimes it's easier to fight for someone else than it is to fight for yourself.

The entire last scene with Ray breaking down was painful to watch, and like everyone else I have to commend Khaotung for his performance. He really went all out and that's what makes the scene so powerful. I commend First as well, because I can't imagine how hard it was to walk the line he had to walk as imaginary Sand, and also not start crying in sympathy. I mean, it got me and I wasn't even in the same room, and we all know how First gets whenever Khaotung cries. They've certainly talked about it enough. I swear, this drama is a crash course in forcing First not to cry.

The scene was raw and painful, and I really felt Ray's desperation and sadness and remorse.

That said, I can't help but have trust issues. Ray is very good at apologizing and then demonstrably learning nothing. With one exception (Sand told him to stop throwing money at him because it makes him uncomfortable, and to my knowledge Ray has not made a habit of doing so since), Ray seems to think that apologizing means that he can go right back to the same behavior. This one does seem different in that he's way more devastated, and it was clear enough that he was apologizing for a lot more than going off at Sand in his apartment, but I can't help but worry that he'll just retreat back to form when Sand inevitably forgives him as he has so many times before (and that we'll never hear him say even a fraction of that to Sand's actual face, which if he doesn't I really hope bites him in the ass later).

I want to believe in Ray, I do. Despite myself I like the guy and I would really love to stop seeing him take one step forward, two steps back all the time. But as I said I have trust issues.

Ray's Dad. I knew he actually gave a shit. He's horrible at expressing it and he's clearly at his wit's end with Ray and his self-destruction, but he cares. And I believe him when he says that he wanted to pay Sand because he admires him. Here this dude is out here doing so much for his unappreciative son, and he clearly doesn't have the same resources that this man has. It'd impress me too. And frankly for that much alone he should have offered him money. I get that he thinks that Ray will be more likely to listen to Sand than him but also he's asking a twenty something year old to do something that he apparently can't. Hell yeah he should have put money on the table. I appreciated him setting Ray straight. I can definitely see why his way of dealing with Ray doesn't work, though. Still, it's nice that he's not the stereotypical only cares about his reputation guy he appeared to be at first, especially when seen through Ray's eyes (although I already suspected he wasn't, since Sand was so adamant that Ray's dad gave a shit. I loved the "I don't want him to end up like his mother" line, too - it made me think that maybe her death haunts him just as much as it does Ray).

Top. Still rooting for him, like I am every week. Would love to know why he's so damn passive with all of his exes. Think he's aware of exactly what Mew is up to and has decided to weather it out. That's about all I got for him this week, though.

Nick. For some reason he just didn't work for me this week, which is weird because I think his scene on the roof with Boston is one of the best of the episode. I think I wanted him to make Boston work for it more but well, that's not my pathetic dude at all. It'll never be in him to make Boston work for it, lol. Oh, Nick.

Cheum. Okay, before I say anything else I want to say that I get where she was coming from, going at Boston. I also get her not being able to calm down enough to register that not only is Atom not nude in any of those pics, he also looks the complete opposite of coerced. She's already mad (whether fairly or not) at Boston for what happened with Top, and now she's got her baby bro telling her that Boston not only sexually assaulted him, but that he's trying to continue doing so via blackmail. It's no surprise that she's so mad she can't think.

That all said, I'm still not pleased with some of the things coming out of her mouth. I can understand where she is coming from and still not like the way she's expressing herself, and boy howdy is that the case here. I've said it before, but I am SO done with the slutshaming. And I was really not down with that "Atom likes women. What did you do to him?" line. Fuck all the way off with that shit, too. I am actually really worried about what she's going to do about this, because I actually don't think she's gonna calm down and have a think before she does something really fucking stupid.

Atom. Oh, this little fuck. I knew he was gonna pull some shit, I could feel it in my bones, but I didn't expect him to go quite that low. More fool me. I don't care how upset he is, going around accusing Boston of SA because he wouldn't fuck him again is vile. Just gross. And he knew what he was doing. This shit was planned and purposeful. Vile. Just vile.

Relationships (Most to Least Fave atm)

There weren't really any friendship moments this go around (well, I guess you could say the core group had a moment, but uh), so I'll just be doing the couples this time.

TopMew. What can I say. It's still the one. I've already explained how I see things above, and I still think that these two are definitely end game. I do think that by next ep they'll be actually working things out though, as opposed to Mew paying lip service to it while he tests the fuck out of Top to see what he does. I appreciate that this ship isn't for everyone but it is for me, apparently. Come on, guys, I believe in you.

Threesomes - the order in which I crave these is TOPSANDBOEING followed by TopMewBoeing, but honestly SandRayBoeing will do in a pinch, even though I'm still in camp "Ray says he wants the threesome but what he really wants is to scare the third party off." Boeing is the last person to be scared off by that though, I feel, so. We'll see what happens. That said, Sand really doesn't appear to be Team Threesome nowadays and hopefully his opinion matters, hence my desire for a TopSandBoeing flashback.

SandRay. Yeah, I know. I'm surprised too. Still think they're made to break, but I liked their stuff this time. Everything about it was really good from an angst lover's perspective. Preview wants me to think that Sand and Boeing have a chance (and honestly I would not say nay) but let's be real here, Sand ain't going there. He might have conflicted feelings about Boeing but he's far too focused on Ray now to be with anyone else. If anything, we'll see Ray fuck Boeing first. And Boeing does seem to like going after the love interest...

BostonNick. I don't know why it wasn't firing for me this ep, but it wasn't firing for me this ep. Still think they deserve each other. Still rooting for them. But for this episode only, they did less for me than Ray and Sand.

SandBoeing. The way I need these two to kiss on the mouth. Look, my GramYok heart wants what it wants. I thought they were gonna kiss in Not Me and I was denied. Actually, they denied me a lot in Not Me. Asshole show (not really). But now that Mond's here and actually kissing guys instead of faking me out this needs to happen (and I think it will. Via flashback, most likely).

BoeingMew. What? I could get behind this. That one brief moment where Mew kissed him back really worked for me, although I don't think Mew could go through with it.

In Conclusion

I really liked this episode. The apartment fight and Ray's end scene were particular standouts, but so were both BostonNick scenes. I will appreciate it if Boeing has more to do than just cause stupid mess, but I'm guessing that he's mostly here to cause mess and either kiss or try to kiss every one of these dudes. There are worse things to exist for. Plus he's pretty.

I'm kind of glad that we only have two weeks left. I suspect that this is a show that might do better on binging overall, so if the ending is good (and by good I mean something that I personally find satisfying - I'm not claiming any objectivity here) I will probably do that. A week between episodes leaves us all with too much damn time on our hands to come up with dumb shit (ask me about how I have convinced myself Ray and Boeing are gonna do the do).

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. See you next week.