#what she felt like

[lionydoorin]

Do you think Tara eventually starts forgetting Amber's details? The sound of her voice, the color of her eyes, her favorite song.

Obviously you don't just forget someone you loved that much, but it's been a year since Tara has seen or heard Amber, plus all the traumatic memories she has attached to her.

Could you imagine if Tara's brain started blocking Amber out as a trauma response?

WEEPS.

eough. totally. tara's brain altering some memories or blocking them as a trauma response. EOUGH.

it starts with simple things, the kind of simple that tara wouldn't worry about at first. a song that would always make her think about amber suddenly not making her want to cry as much. that story she told her once during a sleepover suddenly fading away from her mind. amber was allergic to something in this meal, what was it?

forgetting these things gave her a certain relief, somehow. amber was a complicated subject. she didn’t know how she was supposed to feel, and the thought of her was always too painful, too scary. so, maybe these small details weren’t meant to be stored in her mind, the ghost of her best friend (the person who tried to kill her) finally deciding to rest and let her be.

so, if tara couldn't remember the name of amber's childhood pet, she wouldn't bat an eye. if her tumblr username didn't cross her mind, it would be fine, because it meant she wouldn't wanna check it out once more, like it's amber's own personal diary.

even if it the idea of forgetting it made her anxious. even if not thinking about her hurt as much as thinking about her.

her dreams became more and more jumbled after that, psychedelic counterparts to the very real memories her brain decides to play on repeat as soon as she closes her eyes.

amber seemed more strange with every night: hands a little rougher than what she remembers when her mind replays her choking her neck, face more, and more, and more distorted as she burns alive. sometimes she was taller than she actually was, other times, she seemed shorter than tara. she never used these rings, and what was that pendant on her necklace? her eyes didn’t seem her own, her hair was somehow not right. didn’t she have a beauty mark somewhere on her face? i could swear her smile was different. why does everything seem so wrong?

i’ll make it quick, the person in her dreams would say as it places tara in the closet, voice just not quite right, tying her body instead of just her hands. wasn’t it different? is this what actually happened? i promise, tara. i'll end her and come back for you. i'll take care of you.

(she never said that.

did she say that?

what did she say, anyway?)

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF movie Vanessa’s thoughts when meeting Abby..

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[rollaroundincompliments]

"It's fun and easy and important and good to dunk on Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling. But keep going and what you get at is: What about this story type and story telling resonates with you? Can you keep that while dropping all the things you know now cannot be maintained and should not be venerated? And is that a part of growing up?"

- Aabria Iyengar

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thanks for listening to my sad backstory. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.

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[ruushes]

dancing lessons! have to pass the time at camp somehow 💃

[henreyettah]

First tlt comic pls be kind to me

Edit: made a very minuscule change. Might take a trained eye to see it (hint)

[sleepyside]

Another thing that haunts me about this entire thing is that Amanda wasn’t just funny like her coworkers, or funny like other Disney and Nickelodeon actresses. Amanda Bynes was funny like Carol Burnett. Funny like Lucille Ball. She was effervescent and classic. Her comedic sensibilities were deeply intelligent. She had *it*. And she should have grown into one of the best actresses of our generation. But *something* happened and derailed it all. Even if she’s not the same, I truly hope she’s well and happy. I want nothing but the best for her, even if it’s a quiet and private life. I adored her back then and always will.

[twinstxrs]

so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

[wreniriis]

Guilt

[5bi5]

What do you know? Bitty Buffy.

[bunnieswithknives]

I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with

[fellthemarvelous]

It pisses me off to see the way some Star Wars fans are so dismissive of Reva, Third Sister.

She's complex. She's interesting. She's clever. She's intelligent. She's strategic. She's conflicted. She's traumatized. She's scared. She's angry. She's a survivor.

The Obi-Wan Kenobi series literally opens with her and her friends watching one of her Jedi mentors get gunned down by clone troopers during Order 66.

She was a FUCKING CHILD!!! They were in the middle of a lesson when the clones walked in and started shooting everyone!! These were Anakin Skywalker's troopers and they were executing every single Jedi around them.

These children had NO idea what was going on. They were scared and they tried to run to safety.

We remember this scene from Revenge of the Sith and we all immediately knew what it meant.

These are the same bodies that Obi-Wan Kenobi found when he and Yoda returned to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant after having to kill so many of Anakin's clone troopers just to survive.

These are children that the Jedi Council wasn't there to save.

Palpatine snuffed out the light of the Jedi in one swift act of terrorism and then blamed the Jedi for their own genocide after taking over the entire galaxy.

And in times of war, the weakest among everyone always suffer the most.

This is what Reva, Jedi youngling, remembers most about the end of the Clone Wars.

Anakin Skywalker, hero of the Clone Wars and former padawan of the great Obi-Wan Kenobi, murdered all of her friends and injured her.

She had to play dead amongst the dead bodies of her friends, and that's how she survived. She witnessed Anakin Skywalker murder all the Jedi in the temple with no one there to stop him because the other Jedi Masters were being executed in a war they had never wanted to enter into in the first place.

She blames herself for not being able to save her friends because she wasn't strong enough to fight back. No youngling was ever going to be strong enough to stand against Anakin Skywalker. She wanted revenge against Anakin Skywalker, and she was just as desperate to get to Obi-Wan Kenobi as he was. She wanted to kill Anakin Skywalker just as badly as Darth Vader wanted to kill Obi-Wan.

She was alone in a galaxy that tortured and executed surviving Jedi. She spent ten years plotting her revenge against Anakin. She was angry at Obi-Wan for not being there to stop Anakin, and rightfully so.

The Republic fell. Reva and her friends were left unprotected. She was the only person she relied on because everyone else failed her. She was only a child when she lost everyone.

And it's clear she was conflicted by her role as an Inquisitor. She doesn't have the training the other Inquisitors do because she volunteered to be an Inquisitor while all the others were tortured and terrorized into falling to the dark side. She only wanted access to Anakin so she could get justice for what he did to her and her family.

Unlike Anakin, Reva couldn't find it in herself to harm a child. She was seeking revenge solely against Anakin Skywalker. Luke and Leia are the same age she was when she watched her friends and family die in front of her.

Yes, she was prepared to torture Leia, but she consistently hesitated, and when Tala walked in, Reva turned away. She stopped. Yeah she was mad, but she didn't have to go through with it. She'd already planted a tracker on Lola. She was already planning on allowing them to escape so she could locate their secret base. She just needed to bait Obi-Wan. Her plan worked perfectly, and she didn't even have to hurt this child who was annoying the shit out of her (not realizing she was dealing with Anakin Skywalker's offspring).

She went to Tatooine to kill Luke, but she couldn't. She hunted him down without bothering to kill Owen or Beru. She only cared about one thing. Getting justice for what happened to everyone she had been unable to save at the end of the war. She was only a child, and when she realized she was about to kill a defenseless child just to get revenge, she couldn't do it. She saw her face when she looked down at Luke and cried when she realized she couldn't do it.

She was so horrified by what she had been prepared to do and returned him to Owen and Beru alive. She fell to her knees and sobbed because she thought she failed her family in the end.

Obi-Wan was there for her this time. He reminded her that by showing mercy, she was giving her friends and family peace. She was not going to become the monster that Anakin Skywalker was.

Obi-Wan helped her and reminded her that she gets to decide who she wants to be from this point forward. She refused to become Anakin Skywalker, and a weight was finally starting to be lifted from her shoulders. A weight she had been carrying for ten long years.

She did what she thought she had to just to survive. She had only been a child with no guidance because everyone she loved died. She survived by joining the ranks of the enemy so she could plot her revenge. Obi-Wan showed her mercy at the moment she needed it most. He wasn't angry with her. He was compassionate. She survived Order 66 just like he did, but she had been defenseless when they were thrust into a galaxy that tortured and killed Force sensitive individuals and those who helped them. He had failed Reva during Order 66, and he wasn't going to fail her this time.

She is getting a second chance at finding her path in life despite the bad things she did. Everyone deserves a second chance. She was robbed of her childhood and had to grow up overnight. She had to learn how to survive. And that's exactly what she did. Just not in the way she expected.

[lyinginthesnow]

thinking abt that line in dundee when logan says shiv makes boogie men out of the clothes she dumps on her bedroom floor. always has.

[catmask]

my sister texted me smthing going on at home thats making me sad but im trying not to think about it and stay whimsical. its fursona friday..... its fursona feidayyyy...

[entamewitchlulu]

once i was in a creative writing class in college, and in a bit of humor i wrote the line:

"Um," I said, eloquently.

And my teacher was so adamant that I had to remove it because "um is not an eloquent word, so it makes no sense" and i was like my brother in christ it's called Irony