#whatever I'm a burden I'm a nightmare to deal with

[hurglewurm]

2am thinking about death and violence but my cat sensed it and came running in here to scream and stand on me

[117luv]

THE PARENT TRAP — LHS | CHAPTER 13

synopsis: jungwon and ni-ki met each other at a summer camp and found out they were fraternal twins. this leads to events where the two ex-lovers, heeseung and yn, are reunited after 14 years by their children.

genre: exes to lovers, smau, fluff

pairing: lee heeseung x fem!reader

warnings: cursing, poor attempts in humor, grammatical errors, marriage, pregnancy, parenthood, miscommunication

taglist: CLOSED!

a/n: hi darlings! im back (FINALLY) again apologies for the super late update (a month later DAMN) but now we are finished with the flashback, ne ways enjoy this chap and love ya!! <3

masterlist | previous | next

Her mom was fuming after learning her "perfect daughter" had been ruined by a nobody. She kept telling her to avoid the boy, but now she is going against her by marrying him. She furiously went to their place and asked to talk to both of them. Fortunately, the twins were sleeping with Heeseung's parents that day, or it could have been worse. Yn looked at her mother, filled with anger and resentment. The older woman spoke up, which broke the silence. "Yn. I'm telling you this once, and once only. If you don't divorce him, I will put up the twins for adoption," she said. "You can't just do that, Mom. I'm their mother, and you can't tell me what to do with our children," she said while holding his hands.

She couldn't believe her ears; her daughter is now answering back to her. "I don't care. I will do everything if you don't listen to me. All I asked was for you to date a decent man, but you settle with him instead," she said. She was torn between being with her first love and being with their children. She looked at his face again and told him that everything would be fine. In return, he assured her that whatever choice she made, he would accept it. As she took her breath, she made her final decision.

"Fine. I will divorce him, but we will keep the twins. I will have Jungwon while Heeseung will have Niki. We will promise to never see each other after everything," she said. Her mom finds it amusing that she came up with such a deal, but if it means that her daughter will be away from Heeseung, then she will take it. "Okay, I will let this slide. But do know I'll be watching you two closely," she said while walking out of the door. After she left, Yn fell to the ground. Her sobs filled the living room, and Heeseung immediately hugged her as he comforted her. She wished to be woken up from this nightmare.

Anyone who might hear her thoughts might think she is fucked up. No daughter should be happy for their own mother's death. Yn had never felt more at ease than right now. It was like a burden had been lifted from her shoulders. All the years that her mother had controlled her life had ended. The same woman who took the people she loved dearly away from her. Sure, she appreciates the things her mother did to her, but her control over her life was much greater. She is happy that she is gone. A sentence that she never thought she would ever say.

She flew from Canada back to Korea for her mother's funeral, where she met her younger brother, Sunghoon, and her father. She doesn't resent her father as much as she resents her mother, but she chose to be estranged from him after accident years ago. Sunghoon had been the best throughout everything; he had her back when no one was there. She couldn't thank him enough for his presence. After staying for only two days, she came back to Canada.

Her and Jungwon lived in Canada until he was 14 years old. By this point, it has been five years since her mother died. She had finally made the decision to go back to Korea. This was a step in finding the two missing people who are part of her broken puzzle piece, Heeseung and Niki.

taglist [CLOSED] : @yangwaa @emikisses @yohanabanana @arizejkt19 @skuwu-blog @beatr2x @svarcq @softiehee @enhastolemyheart @deobitifull @emxshu @bucketofhiros @lost-leopard-beanie @soobin-my-beloved @azurez @flwrshee @beomgyusonlywife @lalalalawon @yanagisprettygf @astrae4 @myjaeyunn @sesame-street-lol @yumilovesloona @jhopesucker @omgjwon @yoonjunshi @wannatinyus @yeahhemmings- @coupscheri @neozon3nha @mevalemadrws @wonyoungsvirus @ilvsoup @dneltrise @chirokookie @noascats @sxftiell @onionzzzs @nokacchan @i-yeseo @02zluvbot @iamliacamila @nicholasluvbot @ilovewonyo @ddazed-lhs @tobiosbbyghorl @youmenotyummy @minhoie @enhaz1 @beoms-sugar

[thewitcheress2389]

Could you write a story where the reader's whole body aches, but reader keeps it secret from Geralt? I personally have a health issue so I've terrible pains especially in the mornings...

I'm sorry to hear that! I hope you enjoy this story then!💖

And sorry for the long wait...I've been feeling down for a while and going through some stuff, so sorry if things ever take a while. I have other stories on other blogs I'm still sorting through as well, but I'm posting this now cause I feel bad. Stay lovely everyone, and I hope you feeling happy and having good times!💖

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Body Aches

In hopes to not worry the witcher, you try to keep your body pain to yourself. But you forget that a witcher has such keen senses.

You woke up the same way every day, with painful aches all over your body. There was no reason that you could entirely pinpoint that would explain it. You've done nothing taxing to make your body do this. It was just something that has become a part of your daily routine.

But you kept it to yourself.

Geralt stayed with you. Your house was a sanctuary that he could come to rest and heal, and because of that, you didn't want to worry him with any health issues that you had. The witcher had enough to deal with when it came to beasts and demons, and you saw how he was when he came back. Tired.

He didn't need to worry about you, especially when your demon couldn't be hunted down and killed.

But no matter how hard you try, keeping it secret wasn't exactly an option.

You woke up that morning, trying your best to not wake Geralt, who was asleep beside you. Your whole body ached to the point that moving even a bit caused you to whimper in pain. In truth, you were quiet enough that you figured that no one would be able to hear you, and you could keep this a secret for a while longer.

However, Geralt was a witcher.

"Alright. I've had it. What's wrong?" Geralt's voice caused you to scream and nearly fall off the bed, making more pain shoot through your body.

Turning around, you noticed that it looked like he just woke up. White hair disheveled, sweat from whatever nightmare or hot dream he had, and he was still shirtless. However, his eyes were clear, like he had been awake for hours.

"W-What do you mean?" You tried to play it cool, keeping your muscles as still as they could possibly be. But it was hard, and Geralt saw right through you.

"For hours now you've been shuffling around, uncomfortable. I could hear you whimpering. And it wasn't just this morning either." Geralt said and you wanted to go and hide yourself in a hole. He's known, and it's been for days.

You forgot about a witcher's super human hearing. You blushed in shame.

"So, I ask you again...what's wrong?" Geralt pressed further, sitting up more to look at you. You played with your hands a bit before sighing.

"It's just...my body aches randomly. I don't know why or how or what to do about it." You confessed, tucking some hair behind your ear. Geralt nodded to himself, remaining calm.

"Why not tell me?" He asked. It was a fair enough question, and you figured you had a fair enough answer. However, with the way his cat-eyes were boring into you, you thought otherwise.

"I didn't want to worry or burden you...you have enough going on." You told him and he fought the urge to tell you otherwise because your feelings were valid. But still, you shouldn't need to keep secrets like this.

"I was going to worry either way, but now that it's out in the open, I can help." Geralt said, moving the subject along so you don't dwell on any guilt or other feelings you might have in this situation.

You gave him a perplexed look.

"No offense Geralt, but you aren't exactly Mister Healing Hands. There's nothing that can be done." You said in defeat, knowing this is exactly what would happen. He would find out and want to help, but there is none. No healer could make it go away, so why could he.

"I can't, but perhaps Triss or Yen can." He offered the assistance of the sorceresses, and you smiled faintly. You didn't want to bring them into this, but perhaps magic would be your answer.

And Geralt looked like he wasn't going to back down.

"Thank you..." Was all you could say at the moment, and that's when Geralt laid back down again.

"Good. Now, let's try to get a bit more sleep. If you can't, please tell me this time." The witcher said, and you agreed before slowly moving to lay beside him.

You thought it was good to keep this to yourself, but you felt such a weight off your shoulders knowing that he not only knew, but that he cared as well.

With his assistance, maybe the pain can finally go away.

[brucewaynehater101]

adding onto my magical boy Tim Drake ask

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There's the question of how does anybody feel about a boy as young as Tim running around late at night and occasionally during the day doing heroism

What do they think of Mes'Dremere having gifted this young boy the power to be a hero?

What do the Bats think of the kid being inspired by them, but Robin especially?

What do they think about the fact every fact points to Dreaming of Robin being the only one with the power to defeat Nightmare Awakenings and see Hollowing Wishes before they cause a big fucking problem for their victims?

What does Gotham's hero/villain and criminal scene think of this squirt marching up to them to throw Merry Memories at them and to pound Hollowing Wishes they can't even see but are attached to them into the dirt?

"Come back! You have too many Hollowing Wishes on you and I have to give you Merry Memories to protect you from them!" "I'm not looking to be snitched to the cops magic hands!"

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I should probably expand on Hollowing Wish, they gravitate towards the miserable, which constitutes much of Gotham, hence why Criminals, rogues and vigilantes will have more of the suckers than the average Civillians

but that isn't saying much since it's Gotham, most people with Hollowing Wishes on them have at least three on their person

Also, while Hollowing Wishes can't hurt people until they become Nightmare Awakenings, Tim is the exception, he's the canary in the coalmine

₊˚ ‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿ ˚₊

Gosh, when Jason dies, what will Tim do? He has to worry about dealing with Praying For a Forever Demise, but Batman is practically attempting suicide by criminal or rogue every night

In the scenario that Tim blackmails himself into becoming Batman's leash, I think Mes'Dremere would be there to step in whenever Batman abuses the boy and give the Wayne a piece of his mind

Heck I think the vulture could be the parent-figure Tim never got in his life. Let Tim have someone in his corner dammit

So yeah, Batman looses his son, goes insane for a time, and boom, Tim tries to become his leash only for Mes'Dremere to do it instead and now Tim basically gets free entertainment and a burden off his shoulders

₊˚ ‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿ ˚₊

On a more lighthearted note, Tim absolutely exploits his Dreaming of Robin time to take more pictures of the bats than ever

₊˚ ‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿ ˚₊

I imagine public news stations out of Gotham would bring up Dreaming of Robin and Nightmare Awakening exploits after confirmation of their existence, and people with knowledge with whatever magic Mes, Praying, and Tim fall under would go "hol' up"

Who is this person/these people? idk but itd be fun if they contacted Batman, or other Gotham rogues or other people in Gotham about this or traveled to Gotham personally for whatever reason related to this whole fiasco

What this person/these people want done however? idk lol

₊˚ ‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿ ˚₊

Arkham Asylum houses Praying For a Forever Demise, who I've basically set up to be the final boss of this AU, meaning Tim is going to be very wary of hanging around there since there are more than enough Hollowing Wishes to outnumber and kill him and Mes'Dremere, even when pulling all the stops

That being said, he'll definetely put in his best effort to get Merry Memories into Arkham Asylum for people to put on the walls and have on their person to at least try to deal with the infestation

₊˚ ‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿ ˚₊

Tim will likely be all for Batman's rule of other villains and rogues and heroes spending as little time as possible in Gotham

cuz the idea and then the reality of Hollowing Wishes leeching off of foreign supers & then becoming Nightmare Awakenings outside of Gotham forcing Tim to traverse outside of his comfort zone and deal with the fallout over there leaving Gotham vulnerable without him is something he wants to deal with as little as possible

After Jason dies, Tim is probably losing his mind in the amount of work Batman is making for him. Not only is that man drowning in grief, but he's making criminals and their families miserable as well. He'd be pulling double shifts just to try to clean up the damage that Bruce is inflicting.

In this AU, Tim could become Batman's leash with the help of Mes'Dremere. That poor kid has his work cut out for him, though. Not only is he juggling Robin, but he's also juggling his magical boy responsibilities.

I am curious how Tim being magical affects all kinds of canon events. Would he be able to use his magic to further prove Bruce is alive somehow? Does he try to turn to magic to help with the cloning? Does he take his dad's murder differently because he has magical abilities? Also, which side is the ancient culture from? His mom, his dad, or somehow both?

I am down for him snatching up Steph for his own team rather than Batman's, though.

I'd add Duke, but it's a toss-up on whether Duke would he happier with Batman or Tim. His meta abilities might give him the advantage of seeing Hollowing Wishes even without Tim's magical routine.

[beanghostprincess]

I have a hc that Sanji (kind of) sees his mother in Robin- like, they're different but also similar and Robin has a motherly energy to him and she fells just like Sora to him and- Robin knows but don't say anything and even likes to know Sanji fells this safe with her

(Idk why I'm saying this now- I'm sorry. I am sick. And I am in my period too. And I also can't go to work today bc I'm sick so-)

NONO PLEASE I NEED MORE OF ROBIN AND SANJI!!!!! I LOVE THEM BOTH SO DAMN MUCH!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SUCH A GREAT THOUGHT!!!!!!!!!

I imagine Sanji having nightmares. Not every day but, like, it happens a lot. Sanji can't fall back asleep then, so he always ends up in the kitchen cooking or just smoking until somebody wakes up. He's shaking and really, really trying to distract himself because otherwise, he'll have a panic attack. This thing usually happens around 3 am, for example, depending on the day, and since Robin wakes up pretty early (5 am) it's just normal that they find each other in the kitchen. I just love the thought of Sanji trying to act like everything's fine but it's obvious he hasn't slept and he doesn't even want breakfast when Robin asks if he wants to make something for himself too (while he's cooking for her). They just sit in silence for a while but she knows something's wrong. She says something about not having to deal with the burden of her past alone anymore, now that she's with them, and that Sanji should do the same. But it's out of nowhere and what is he supposed to do with that? So he just nods and tries to avoid it, but at least Robin is happy he eats when she tells him to grab something from her plate.

When he fights with Zoro, sometimes it's too much. It's stupid, really. Their whole relationship is just constant bickering and arguments without end. But sometimes he gets too stressed and too overwhelmed and it's just too much, so he ends up leaving to a quiet place instead of saying something he might end up regretting. They argue, but he doesn't actually hate the damn swordsman, goddammit. Somehow, Robin is always there. She always lets him rant and rant about these things, and even if she just makes a sweet comment in the end that Sanji has a hard time deciphering, it's more than enough to calm him down.

Things get... A lot worse sometimes. Somedays, Sanji just won't eat. Or act like himself. Or shower. Or, well, anything. Sometimes he's more irritable and it's quite obvious that something is wrong, but he never lets people around him help. And Robin notices, because she has been there. She isn't a mind reader, but she notices when somebody is thinking about death when she sees one. This only happens in private and not a lot of times, but Sanji lets himself cry when Robin is there. And she hugs him and it's warm and she smells so much like his mom it just makes him cry harder. She's so sweet and soothing and she keeps kissing his forehead and saying that he'll be fine. That it's just a rough time, but he'll be okay with them.

Sanji can't handle alcohol, by the way. He sucks at drinking. Horrible drinker. He has a bit of Rum or Vodka or whatever, even a fucking beer and he's already feeling a bit dizzy. He says not to worry because he handles it perfectly, but uhhh, nope. He's a lightweight and he's an honest drunk who won't stop having breakdowns and the minimum sign of affection. So he always ends up crying in Robin's lap while she caresses his hair and lets him rant drunkenly for hours. She's there to calm him down when he throws up too. Poor boy.

When he has his gender crisis or his sexuality crisis or he has a crush or whatever, somehow he always ends up talking to Robin. It's a habit now, talking to her whenever he needs advice, and she always manages to give him the perfect support every time. Even if he's stubborn and panics every time he thinks about his true feelings, she's always there to catch him when he falls and when he doesn't know what to do.

Robin is also very protective of him, especially since Wano happened. If she sees a girl going to fight Sanji she stands in the way and helps him out. She knows he doesn't have the heart to harm them, and she's proud of him for asking for help whenever he needs it.

Not to mention that she loves it. She loves being his support. She loves taking care of him and helping him out. I mean, to her, Sanji is so young (they only have a 9-year age gap but you know what I mean. Also different lives and positions of power in their lives. She's just way more mature) and inexperienced and she's so glad he trusts her enough to let her help. I think about their Wano scene every day of my life, I swear.

[madfantasy]

Dears;

Sleepless

I didn't know that I could be more sleep deprived, more in the sense that the nightmares of death and murder wakes me up in fever and chest burn now.

I thought I was okay and I was just witnessing and grieving over everything happening in this world, I can't much speak on it but with my siblings, my guardians ofc know and part of our family even affected by the "wars" that raged in and around 🍉, I still feel just as suffocated, useless, helpless and isolated as I feel everyday if not more. The internet remains my only window to the world..

The only thing I could able to talk to my guardians about is that telling them I feel immense guilt, my other half, my other home is being wiped out, land stripped of human warmth, from recent and ancient memories, all the structures old and new, the nature that hugged it tightly and the music that floated from it's midst. And here I am carrying nothing but a blood connection and writing in immaculate Arabic, one thing I was consistently praised on and ment alot to me in terms of belonging, but literally can't understand the casual/slang part of it no matter how I think I get it. Which I understand finally is what called: a late diagnosis of autism, possible related to those specific speaking patterns.

I'm 80% nonverbal, and when I find my voice, specifically when it comes to expressing myself, everything I say sounds like riddles or poems instead of plain direct speech with clear indication and values. I take so long revising these little writings to make sure at least they are coherent. It's often frustrating as suddenly not being able to scream when u need..

In the same time, I can't deal with being perceived, I can not even interact with what I've shared on my TT or @madmanii because my brain just shuts down, it doesn't matter what's the situation, as long there's social interactions, my rational blanks and stops translating sense to me.. it might be so good I can't even say how much intensely I love it, same as bad.. Even through art, and I thought because it is in art form, something I feel more able expressing, I can't say more or do more or give more engagement than this. While engagement with my art shocks me each time as if It was the first time. It takes all my remaining soul to make this art, this last tether to my sanity and humanity, so I have unmeasured gratitude..

The only release to this raging sense of belonging and grief I had all my life is to make stories, OCs. Those two are just fantasy-ed version of the 2 homes I'm from. But never shared more drawings of them because I did not want to be identified and get any "anything-against-mainstream" phobia towards me as I've been punished for it severely lots in real life. They are even not a romantic pair, just bromancing and 'too' beautiful, and I still drew many other romantic ships and posts them, regardless..

But I worry too much and often my art, posts or whatever is never seen..

Whatever it's the algorithm or doing communication, I can't not do more of what is socially 'required' to be seen and heard, my art is all I can offer and as it always shows me it's never enough, I tried so hard that my art for the first time in my life became just another burden and chore instead of a sanctuary and brain food. Whatever I did, I don't have a presence online, I only have the few Snape fans who truly care about me and showed me humanity I've never known. But I still don't have numbers or popularity, and at this point I'm so burn out from trying that I don't care I'm losing followers or have no likes, it's silence on both ends now...

I wish I could achieve more and be more helpful and not worry about fearing anything, my existence here online is done by secret to begin with and not consistent cuz I have trash net, and I don't know how to do more.. even for myself..

It's my birthday month, and that's ticks down one year of six..

About perception I relate to Hard: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSNQeJy8u/

Thank u for reading, Sweet dreams, precious 🖤❤️

[sastiel-is-my-serotonin]

Sam is good at pushing down her feelings, despite how others perceive her, she is far from the talky-feely person people claim her to be. It's healthy to talk about emotions, and well...she's far from healthy in most senses. Despite her best intentions to be better. She can't ever admit to her own feelings, it doesn't mean she won't listen to others. She likes to give them the shoulder she hasn't had since Jess. It's easier being everyone's support than to lean onto any of them for the heavy stuff. Call her a hypocrite if you must.

Naturally, of course she's been pushing down her feelings for Castiel for years. She assumed the awe she felt meeting her would've melted away, and she supposes it has. Now she has an actual understanding of who Castiel is, which is so much worse than the blinding adoration she had when they first met, Knowing her for her best and worst qualities... she's so far gone and there's no saving her. Letting the longing and yearning fester into something that knocks her off her feet every time she's pulled into it. Anytime those blue eyes stare into her soul, and she tries to pretend she doesn't lean in to hear her gravely voice better. The reverence in her voice when she speaks in devotion for humanity, how is she supposed to be immune to it?

She stared down at the letter in front of her, it had been written and revised a million times already. There had been a close call today, Death nearly collected them all today. Sam wonders if Billie was disappointed or relieved She didn't have to deal with them today.

The note was as perfect as Sam could make it, while writing it she was so sure she'd deliver it immediately. The scare was enough for her to write the damn thing, but she's been hiding in her room ever since. Spinning around in her chair she sighed, thinking about Castiel throwing Jack to her for both their safety, sacrificing herself in the process. She hasn't seen or felt the fear in a while. Every hunt they take, Death is always lurking, but She was too close today. She swears she saw Castiel mouth the words, "I love you," when she thought it was her time. It had to be for Jack. Not her.

She closed her eyes, rubbing her face. What is she doing? She can take on the Devil but delivering a tiny letter to a friend is too scary? Terrifying. More to lose here than with the Devil. But is there more to lose if she says nothing?

Shaking her head she stood up, prepared to throw the letter away when she heard a loud crash. She ran to the source, instincts kicked in as she had grabbed a gun and had her knife ready for whatever she was about to face.

Running past the rooms, right into the kitchen where Castiel and Jack were picking up dishes off the ground. She sagged in relief and put her weapons in her pockets, setting the note down in favor of helping the two clean up their mess. "What happened?" She asked.

"Gravity," Castiel said, setting the scattered dishes into the sink.

Jack sighed, "It was me, I tried balancing the dishes and it didn't work out very well."

"Yeah, I can see that," Sam said, putting the last loose dish into the sink, "I'm just glad it wasn't an intruder."

"It'd be less embarrassing," Jack muttered, Sam patted Jack on the shoulder, "Yeah, but we've had enough scares this week."

Jack turned on the water, getting ready to wash the dishes, "Uh, I got this Jack," Sam said.

"I won't mess it up," Jack said.

"I'm not worried about that, Jack. It's just a few dishes, I got this, you should go relax. Okay?" Sam reassured, Jack glanced at Castiel and sighed, walking off. Wishing one day would go by without a huge screw up.

Castiel moved next to Sam drying the dishes as Sam washed and rinsed them, "Has Jack told you about the nightmares?" Castiel asked.

Sam shook her head, "No, I've heard them... but Jack doesn't want to talk about them...have you heard anything?"

"No," Castiel replied, shaking her head, "Jack thinks talking about it will burden us."

"I wish Jack knew how good they are, sure they're not perfect but I blame that on who is raising them."

"We're raising them," Castiel said.

Sam pushed her hair back out of her face, "Exactly, we're not exactly the best role models, especially with talking about our problems. They're not the only ones who avoids saying anything so they're not a burden."

Castiel sighed, "I guess you're right about that," she placed the last dish into the cupboard it belonged in, "Still wish we could do more for them."

"Me too, maybe they'll come around to talking to us," Sam said, and Castiel repeated, "Maybe."

Drying her hands, Sam looked at the counter, her letter was right there, fuck. Castiel noticed Sam's reaction and furrowed her eyebrows, patting Sam on the arm, "Are you okay?"

Sam nodded, swallowing hard, "Yeah, yeah... I'm fine." Looking back at Castiel who didn't look convinced.

"Maybe one day you'll be able to talk to me too," Castiel said, her hand sliding off Sam's shoulder. Sam closed her eyes, fuck.

"I can," Sam said, "I don't, I know, but it's... we know how screwed in the head I am. It'll all tumble out if I let it."

"Let it," she said, Sam scratched her face, "If I knew how, I would."

Castiel looked back at the paper, "Well, I'll be in the library if you figure it out."

Sam was alone in the kitchen, she picked up the paper, reading a random line, shaking her head, tossing it in the trash. Who is she kidding? She's a coward with feelings. Today is no different than yesterday. If she had any courage she would've opened up right there and then, handed her the letter, or followed her to the library. Not head to her room, closing the door behind her, muttering to herself. If only she had the courage.

[sleepygamerotaku]

~|Your Hoodie...|~{Part One}

Paring:

Scaramouche X Reader

Prompt:

none

Content Warnings:

angst, cuss words, violence(?), crying, mental breakdown(s), implied established relationship, tue story is written in a first person POV, lmk if i missed anything

Reader pronouns:

not specified (read in first person)

Authors note:

I have been working on this since July 25th of this year... i Have gotten nowhere close to finishing it so i decided to break it up into chapters. this is Chapter one of a -however many parts it takes me to finish this shit- part story. This was inspired by the song Hoodie by Hey Violet! i have cried FAT crocodile tears whenever i would try writinrg onto this so there's that i suppose... Whenever i finish them i will post the next chapters here! might do Scara's POV later on but idk-

❈~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~❈

"You dumbass..." He hissed. Scaramouche always said that me... But he always said it a lighter, semi-playful tone. He never truly meant it. But this time... It was mean. He said it with genuine anger, evidently clear in his voice. The same voice that always teased me... The same voice that lulled me back to sleep whenever i had a nightmare... The same exact voice that gave me butterflies.

The same exact voice I used to love, now filled with hatred and anger. I know he had a short temper. I accepted that the day we met. "You never shut up... And you don't listen either..." He heaved at me again, the tone of his voice was still angry... Because he wasn't just angry... He was infuriated. Infuriated at me. I felt the tears as they stung the corner of my eyes. I didn't bother wiping them away as they rolled down my cheeks.

I've witnessed him snap before. But he's never snapped at me... "I'm... Just... FUCKING DONE WITH YOU!"

He quickly turned around and punched the wall. I thought he going to punch me, so instinctively i flinch, a small squeak escaping my lips as well. I gulp and with all my strength i muster his name. "S-scara-" He simply growled in response, cutting me off. "I CAN'T DEAL WITH YOU ANYMORE!!"

......... And just like that... He stormed out of the door without another word.

I held my hands close to my chest and i let myself fall to the floor. I begin to sob uncontrollably while i clutch onto my shirt and let the crocodile tears fall, and fall, and fall. I continue to cry and screaming in the middle of the living room floor.

I guess he just doesn't love me anymore... I annoyed him too much... I knew i was just a burden to him... Did he even love me to begin with..? Did he mean it when he said he loved me..? Did he mean it when he said he trusted me..? Did he simply take pity on me so he didn't have to see me being pathetic..?

The negative thoughts flowed as quick as my tears and i didn't know what to do... So i kept sobbing. I kept sobbing until it hurt my cheeks. I wiped away the tears and sat there trying to calm down and fully comprehend whatever just happened...

After i calmed down i stood up and glanced at the digital clock on the coffee table. It read [ 1 : 17 AM] usually me and Scara would be asleep in our shared bedroom by now... but he stormed out of the apartment so he wasn't there anymore.

The bed never felt so empty before... I got comfortable underneath the covers but i couldn't fall asleep for awhile... I was too worried about Scaramouche... Was he okay? Where is he going to sleep tonight? Is he even going to be home by tomorrow? He said he couldn't deal with me anymore so i wondered if he would come back. Slowly, drowsiness began to consume me before i finally fell into a slumber...

(~Time-skip~)

I feel my eyes flutter open and the light of the sun seeped through the windows of the bedroom. Last night was playing on repeat in my mind. It's all i can think about.

"You never shut up... And you don't listen either... I'm... Just... FUCKING DONE WITH YOU!"

I thought of Scaramouche's irritated voice and cruel words that he directed at me. I didn't even realize i was crying and hugging his pillow until my tears fell on my hand. There really isn't a reason for me to still be upset over all of this.

I slide out of bed and stand up. I don't move i just stand at the side of my bed. No thoughts filled my mind i simply stood there. My eyes slowly wandered around the room before setting on my closet door.

I heaved a heavy breathe and started walking. I might as well change out of the clothes i was wearing now. I don't have anything better to do anyways. Scara isn't here anymore and i don't even know if he will come back. He probably hates me now...

I slide open the closet door and look at all the clothes i have. but there was another half of clothes that weren't mine.

inside the closet was Scaramouche's hoodie that he always wore. he would wear it all day and put it away before bed... he must be so cold without it...

I reach out my hand and rub the arm of the soft hoodie before taking it off it's hanger and putting it to my nose. it still smells like his cologne...

"GODDAMNIT-!!"

i let myself fall to the floor and cry even more. It felt like i was drowning. His scent filled all of senses and left me numb, just as he did before he left.

After some minutes of crying i sit up. My phone was still lying on the nightstand so i rise to my feet and slip his hoodie on. After walking towards my phone and click Scara's contact photo, which was one of the times i ever made him laugh... He was smiling so warmly.... i was the only one he ever smiled at like that... with such genuine love and happiness...

i start typing ; Scara are you alright??? Are you still mad at me? ; and click send. i pull his hoodie to my nose again... i miss him so much. i feel tears begin to well in my eyes as i start chewing on the hoodie strings. i glance back to my phone screen... He left me on read... i pick my phone back up and lie down with it over my face.

i call him and put the speaker to me ear. it rang... and rang... then beeped. he didn't answer me... of course he would still be mad at me. why wouldn't he be. i screwed up bad. I don't blame him. i try to call again but he didn't answer this time either... why is the world so cruel like this?

Why did he hate me so much? Why did he leave? what if he never comes back? what if he completely resents me and has been faking it from the start? what if- *bing!*

💜Scara💜

I'm Sorry.

I'm coming back. Wait for me inside.

[dungeonbf]

hide, midnight, nightmare for sigge?:33

HIIII J squeezes you into slime, thank u for the ask!!!

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

oh man, rubs hands together... sigge, on a more lighthearted note, is sooo embarrassed about liking well-known, popular metal (megadeth, metallica, pantera, to name a few) and will go to extreme lengths to hide said interest for them. any mainstream merch he has is hidden deep in the recesses of his closet 💔 this is all because he spends 15 hours a day on metal circlejerk subreddits that inflame his belief that anything popular is Bad + his elitist tendencies... if he's wearing a megadeth shirt around you, it's a sign of incredibly deep trust, like he takes his elitism dead seriously. besides more surface-level stuff, his sexuality is also something he hides - not only from others, but himself as well. this is in part due to a pretty conservative upbringing, his parents being adamant that he find a nice girl and settle down, but also that he views his sexuality as emasculating - it's something he thinks he shouldn't be burdened with. i think in the first couple months we're together, he's very stiff and distant, because you know, "oh fuck. i'm with a man." ... eventually, though, he learns to come to terms with himself -- i don't think he'd ever be super like, vocal about his sexuality, even post-coming out. not in a repressed way any longer, but more like content & quiet acceptance. "yes, i am gay, yes i have a boyfriend, but that's not really anyone's business" is like his stance on it... 🤔🤔

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

i think he struggles to sleep in general, not necessarily to the point of insomnia but a lot of tossing and turning - a lot of time trying to fall asleep is spent ruminating on past encounters with people. i've said this before but he is ... incredibly arrogant and not very self-aware, so he stays up pondering why exactly people turn away from him :( sad little guy. along that same vein, he's afraid of loss - he can recognize that others aren't drawn to him (for whatever reason 🙄🙄) and thus, he's incredibly scared of losing the people he DOES have. makes him genuinely nauseous thinking about it and leads to a lot of sleepless nights. usually, his routine for combatting this fear is blowing up my phone with messages, ranging in levels of neediness, before eventually calling me enough times that i wake up and we chat for a bit, soothing his fear enough to sleep. (a more mundane fear of sigge's are spiders)

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

a lot of sigge's fears focus on, as I mentioned before, loss -- getting betrayed, abandonment, and similar themes definitely play a part in his nightmares. Alongside that, I think death, too, is a common experience in his nightmares -- not necessarily his own, but more like, finding the bodies of his loved ones and being unable to do anything to reverse it. While none of it is based in truth, it leaves him pretty shaken, covered in cold sweat. He mayyy divulge the details of whatever nightmare to my s/i, but it's brief and more of a mumbled groan. Usually, I think he'd be more comfortable just vaguely complaining about having "shitty dreams" and nesting against my s/i to help him fall back asleep. If sleeping against me isn't an option, he kinda gets up, paces around, and tries to write song lyrics inspired by his dreams. (Think "Deathcrush" by Mayhem type lyrics.)

[masterofrecords]

Ask gameee

1. Share a song that makes you think of [fic title]

17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?

And 18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

Ah, thank you!

1. Well, you didn't specify which fic, but that doesn't really matter because... uh... I don't really have one, whatever you ask about? Like I mentioned in a previous ask game, I don't listen to a lot of songs that have lyrics, and if I borrow any lines from titles, it's almost always from poems rather than songs. Like, I cannot impress how much I'm not a person to make character or fic playlists. I know some authors who do, and that genuinely blows my mind, I have so much respect for some people who can actually think of actual songs when writing instead of purely Vibes.

17. I learned a lot while writing! A lot on bird behavior, for example, and also how stuff like country fairs work. For Aquarium I obviously research a lot of octopus and eel biology (like that post about the Large Pacific Striped octopus - that was one of the first things I learned when doing preliminary research around the start of the fic, or the eel teeth stuff that I promised a separate post on and never actually wrote it) I occasionally research language stuff, too. I do not want to think of the implications of NRC actually hosting students with very different native languages (that's a disaster waiting to happen - even if some people, like Leona, Kalim, Vil, Rook, etc. would have access to good education pre-NRC, that's far from the truth for a lot of other students. What about Deuce? Ruggie? They're 16 when they start, too, and we have no indication that anything but magical prowess (and possibly trauma) are the criteria for getting admitted. Like, even at university level, studying in a language you don't know too well, even if it means living surrounded by that language, is extremely hard and usually means, well, that the studying part doesn't go very well (I've seen that both first-hand and in friends' accounts). Anyway, as you can see, the concept of languages in twst gives me a massive headache because while it's explicitly said that different languages exist, it's very unclear how exactly. I get that it's a conventionality born out of the game being primarily in a single language; but as with many things fairy tale cough - mer biology - cough if you think about it long enough it stops making sense. So I don't.) Still, I do try to give the characters colloquialisms and stuff more fitting for the culture they're inspired by - and that means researching quite a lot of idioms. I think the hardest bit of research I have to do is Floyd's nicknames for the NPCs. I'm not super knowledgeable about fish, so coming up with a name fitting a character can be hard.

18. I'll be very honest, I'm quite proud of the last line of the currently last chapter of Aquarium (28). I wanted it to elicit a response and boy did it. I think my absolute favorite lines are still the ones written for a few old fandoms - and I don't know if I want to post them here, but I believe my absolute peak banger was a nightmare description in a RWBY fanfic. So, limiting things to stuff on this account... I'm very fond of a few lines in my Angstober stuff - they're short, so I like to think they had some impactful lines, but I'm not sure how impactful they are out of context. Still, some of my favorites that I think hold up even taken out of context (yes, this is just me shamelessly promoting my original work and my OCs. sorry.):

From The Council:

There was no doubt in Lucas’s mind. In the end, sacrifice was rarely fully selfless. It was a choice taken away from someone else, it was a grieving loved one left alone, it was leaving the burdens of one’s ideals behind for others to deal with. It was a sin as much as a virtue. Lucas had never feared sin.

From Hearts of Cinder:

She straightened her back and cast the most arrogant look she could muster on her attackers. If she was going to die, she would do so with dignity. If she had to die, she’d make sure everyone else burned. For the first time since the Calamity, the familiar magic answered her call without any effort, mirroring her fury. For one last night, her fire set the world ablaze.

As for Aquarium... In general, I don't feel like my writing has a lot to offer outside of the text of the story itself? Like, I'm no Terry Pratchett. These two seem to be universally liked though, and I guess I agree?

From chapter 7:

Well, newsflash – I don’t want a relationship! My VNs are all I need, okay, IRL people are a pain. No stats, no routes, just pure confusion.

From chapter 15:

“Have you never heard of the phrase to love not because, but despite?” Vil questions and Azul stills. “It’s hardly rational to see someone at their lowest and still decide they are worthy of your love. It’s even more irrational to let someone see your ugliest side, and still let yourself be loved by them.”

Some of my favorites are still coming (quite a few of them), but I think I have one that doesn't look too spoilery:

Azul thought back to how miserable his life had been before meeting the twins, even despite having such a loving, safe home. He thought of the guy that gifted Jamil the bracelet and the bonds Jamil had forged in middle school, frayed but intact, and he thought of Kalim’s lonely, golden cage, and didn’t know what to say.

[sonderkore]

✉ extraordinary attorney woo | ep 16 final thoughts feelings, friends, and fulfillment

proud of you, attorney woo!

feelings

my heart is so full 😭🐳

their breakup literally took a toll on me. i wasn't kidding when i said i get way too emotionally attached to kdramas, and i actually couldn't eat properly just thinking about them not being together. (this is also the same reason why i'm never watching 2521)

the reconciliation scene was so sweet and so full of sincerity and RAW HONESTY AND PATIENCE!

"an unrequited love for a cat"

this man can't express what he truly feels for the life of him. he's eloquent when it comes to other things, conversation just flows when you talk to him, and he's ready to jump and explain discussions to youngwoo. but when it comes to his feelings, he gets all jumbled up. thanks to everyone who pointed that out, i just fell in love with him more.

he's cheesy. he's a puppy who is very much in love. he practices what he wants to say so he it comes out right, even though all he can come up with is "i like you."

this confession shows us that.

there was communication on his part, keeping his honesty that although there will be times that he'll feel lonely, she makes him a million times happier just by being with her and caring for her. she's not a burden.

commitment was made obvious, the love subtle but very present. and that, to me, is more than enough of a promise.

and she loves him so very much. the look in her eyes as he says all that, the relief? (oh my god, park eunbin)

"cats love their owners/humans too"

I SCREAMED SO LOUD

cats make people lonely sometimes but they're loyal and cuddly and love their humans that care for them and love them, too.

she used that to correct him and also to confess to him, and it's perfect! she runs but looks back at him and smiles, and we all fell head over heels in love for her (AGAIN) 🥺

this finale proved to us even more that they work as a couple. they're right for each other and they both give each other strength. junho took inspiration from youngwoo to be brave and tell her how he feels. junho will step up to help her when needed (needed that energy in ep15 but i digress). youngwoo knows that junho is her partner, someone who she can ask to stay and listen in on whatever news this mysterious man wants to tell her. youngwoo is now reassured that junho is happy with her and wants to be with her no matter what, and youngwoo reassures him back that she is with him, too.

that she loves him!!!

ending it with the two of them by the revolving doors, although this time junho waits for her instead of the other way around, was an ending worth the pain they and we all endured in the past eps. 🥺 my beautiful parents are happy and that's more than enough!!

although i don't know if the writer wrote this series with a 2nd season in mind, there are still many things to explore in this relationship. like junho's life, meeting the parents (both of them), and a few more hiccups, maybe?

and marriage. moving in together?

an ocean-themed wedding.

marriage?

giv me it.

ps.

i'm glad he's back

he never left?

they made him leave her to deal with the reporters in ep 15 for angst. i'm still mad. it makes me want to think lee junho in ep 15 is a figment of our nightmares. he does not exist in this canon, nope.

(there's a fix it fic on ao3 about it tho, so!! it's fine)

and he made up for it anyway :D

in the end, he got the girl and he's happy. <3 he's living his best life right now, frankly.

friends

i miss you already, hanbadaz!!!

they all had satisfying endings that, again, isn't fully complete so there's more room to further delve into them in a possible season 2, but they were all happy at the end and that's all i could ask for.

but i want to take this time to talk about minwoo for a sec.

he's... changed. sort of. and i want to say it's all for love because if it weren't for suyeon telling him to be a fool for his colleague, i fully believe he wouldn't have gone to tae sumi to tell her he's giving up on getting youngwoo fired.

he still helped and encouraged tae sumi to make it happen, given that he told tae sumi that youngwoo's vulnerable at the time and would willingly go if she told her to. (very VERY untrue) but i'm sort of glad he did that, looking at it in a character standpoint. it makes sense for him, tactician kwon minwoo, to do that.

it also makes sense that he tries to befriend youngwoo after, in that scene where he tried to cheer her on.

no. nice try, tho.

when he told tae sumi that youngwoo broke up with someone, and when tae sumi looked taken aback that she was in a relationship (your daughter's an attractive woman, maam), minwoo was like yes? and? i was shocked??? idk i read it as him getting confused why she wouldn't think that was possible, and that earned him points. then again, her reaction was exactly like his upon finding out about junwoo the first time...

*sighs*

but, again, it makes sense.

that's his redemption arc in a nutshell - barely there but it makes absolute sense for his character not to completely change his ways. should it have been made a wee bit earlier? yeah. pushing him into the "good guy for love" agenda in the last 5 eps is meh.

suyeon's arc was completed when she finally fell for a guy that wouldn't hurt her (assuming) and would change for her (he's trying) and one that actually likes her back. i'm glad they left it open-ended between them. kissing scenes are reserved for junwoo only!

geurami is and will be forever by youngwoo's side, and the look of pride on her face in her last scene made me cry. she's always been happy and carefree and youngwoo's #1 fan (maybe #2 because junho) and she will remain the same always.

and minsik. he finally has a few new regulars in his pub!! THAT'S MORE THAN WHAT HE NEEDS! i'm glad they didn't make minsik and geurami a couple, because it was never implied. they have a funny platonic boss/employee relationship from the beginning and it stayed that way. (but if they open up season 2 with yearning between them, i'm on board!!)

and atty jung, who is recovering and got his wife back! will he stay in hanbada? i honestly didn't catch it 😭 he winked but?? youngwoo's reaction was how i felt like sir?? wdym??? as long as he's happy and taken care of, and that he keeps his promise to his wife that he'll go easier this time around for his health, then i'm glad.

*sobs*

i'm going to miss them very much. 😔

fulfillment

i had to pause for a sec, like junho pacing in front of youngwoo's house, to try and find the right words to express how i feel and how much i love woo young woo.

if i had to find one word to describe how i feel about her, it will also be a sense of fulfillment.

(am i crying? you'll never know, won't you?)

youngwoo just makes you love her without any real effort coming from her. she's beautiful, kind, hardworking, playful, adorable, and thoughtful.

she compared herself to a narwhal lost in the midst of beluga whales that hinder her from being who she is, but she believes her life is still valuable and beautiful - because it is! it's so fulfilling (!!!) to hear her say that after everything that we saw her go through.

going from the shy rookie attorney who had first day jitters and hesitated giving her opening statement on her first real trial to becoming more and more confident, in her zone, and ultimately renewing her contract at hanbada as a full-time attorney is an amazing arc. she's living her best life! she works at a job she loves in a line of work that she's passionate about, she has an amazing support system, and she has a boyfriend who loves her.

hearing her say that she loves working at hanbada made me feel warm inside. she didn't quit and found some place else where she could defend the good like atty ryu jaesook, and that's alright. that reassurance that she wants to stay put and is enjoying her work is more than enough.

i'd say her journey from ep 1 to ep 16 isn't smooth sailing, but then we got an ending that eases all our worries and reassures us that from then on, youngwoo will be more than okay. 💙

the line that really sent me a breath of fresh air was, non-verbatim, "my mom wasn't around growing up, so why should i go to the states for her?"

and that was that, the boston plot done in a single sentence. the mother plot extended to the brother plot, and i would watch 10 hours of sangyeon and youngwoo interacting tbh.

it's fine that nobody else found out about her mom, because like she said, it doesn't matter. she wasn't around when she grew up, so why bring that up now?

i can't fault tae sumi too much, given that she was forced to have the baby. but then she had to be selfish and treat both her daughter and son the same way (as in, putting herself and her position first before her child's needs and wants). so. i'm conflicted. but it's fine. she got what she deserved in the end.

youngwoo has grown so much over the course of this series, and i'm so glad to have met her and spend this time with her as i watched the show. (i'll be rewatching over and over again)

this post isn't about what i learned as a neurotypical, but i'm glad that this show exists and that i delved into the fandom and read through a lot of takes, thoughts, translations, and things in general about autism spectrum disorder. i'll strive to be a junho, geurami, and atty jung in a world full of minwoos and atty jangs.

whale hug!!!

attorney woo youngwoo, i whale love you always <3

ps. season 2 is possible, but not set in stone. i read some news that no official offers have been made to eunbin about it and her management only found out that a season 2 might be happening is through the news as well, so. let's all wait for now <3

[escapadeist]

palm tree 🌴

nutmeg

ivy

and chia 🩵🩷🩵🩷🩷

get to answering lol

Ayee there's my fren...

palm tree ⇢ do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless?

Damn, ik they're morally gray characters n very popular or infamous choices for such questions, but Snape n Draco, i don't usually like characters that act out the way they do because of whatever negative experiences they've been through, because you always have a choice to not bleed on those who haven't hurt you, but anyhow, i think that their backstories and everything that they do based on them, doesn't make me love em exactly but appreciate them a lil more than others ig. Also, just a blanket answer will be all those side characters in movies or TV shows, that are not exactly villains but are villainized by others on the show or they and their struggles are hidden from the spotlight because they aren't as quirky or likeable as the main character's problems, just makes me love them even more! Also, might be a bias cause i identify as a side character..

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

My room, oh the tragedy, i wanted it to be a subtle dull-ish green, or teal kinda maybe, but it turned out this bonkers paint that i hate now, but anyway, i try to work with it. There's no theme, because i didn't have a room of my own until i was way older and then the prospect of me leaving my parents' home made me think, why even bother decorating.. but yes, as of now, it's just a place i occassionally occupy n has my pride n joy, my bookshelf n my canvases on it and i am a neat freak so i like to organize stuff but ever since my seemingly never ending exams have started n my life decided to go to shit simultaneously, i haven't gotten the chance to clean n organize, but soon i will n it will feel better. (It being me, n also, a bit, the room ig? haha)

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

Ukw, funnily enough, i don't have a lot of 'tells' especially when I'm sad because i self-isolate, (ik toxic trait, but i feel like i don't wanna burden people with my sadness) so yeah that... But i am quiet mostly when sad n when i feel joyous, i think i hum n sing quite a lot, n take interest in my hobbies again n dance somewhat, but hey that could also be because I'm depressed but I wanna distract myself or procrastinate dealing with it so I just do the happy stuff, fake it till u make it or die amirite? For anger tho, i recently found out, i can't express it healthily, *pause for gasp* n end up screaming, crying (which i hate!!!! Crying when you're angry is horrible!!!!) n actually have very bad symptoms like a racing heartbeat n shortness of breath n have thrown up too, God, I'm oversharing! But yeah, might as well drag the cat that's outta the bag now... (Sorry, no, i still love cats, LIKE A LOT!, Please apologise to your cats, i didn't mean any harm to them)

chia ⇢ what’s an inside joke you have with someone else?

Ok so this is actually a very geographical joke (The Office reference, the kind of jokes u have to "be there for" hehe) so as i said i have my exams going on rn, n in this one subject we had to study about what makes an entrepreneur... And idk if it was a typo in the notes that we were provided with or what, although i wouldn't put my uni past that, but apparently one of the reasons one can be held back from being an entrepreneur is "not being able to have dreams", now ik they must've meant dreams as in a vision or high ambitions or something... But when me n my friend read it, we just imagined this one person going to sleep every night n waking up disappointed like "Dammit! I was so tired, i straight up went to sleep n i didn't even have a dream! This is why mom was right, i will never amount to anything because i don't see any dreams.." now they didn't even bother to specify what kinda dreams, so it can range from nightmares to fantasies or wet dreams for all we care, but ever since then, whenever there's a problem n we can't find a solution, me n my friend say to each other, "Oh well, this is because we never have dreams man! We can never think outside the box for creative solutions to anything, because we sleep too soundly n dreamlessly"

Ik it's a very, very stupidly silly joke but it gets us cracking each time so ig it works out for us atleast lol..

Wow, these were fun to answer!

Would love more asks people!

N if u reblog the OG post I'd love to fill up your ask box too...

Also, love ya n thank u sooo much for sending this love ❤️✨

[unhinged-summer-fun]

tired

just a quick frankie morales x reader drabble.

it's a very iykyk kinda fic. i've been dealing with some shit and needed to get it out. i feel lighter but not yet like i'm drowning. no taglist for this. tw includes implied MST and retraumatization, as well as bureaucratic bullshit.

whatever.

Ok.

Submit.

"It's done," you whispered, watching the screen kick over from Submitting documents, please do not close your browser to Documents successfully submitted. "I guess." You sounded hollow. You felt hollow.

"What's wrong?"

Frankie brushed the tears from your eyes, ones you had no idea you were shedding. He held your face, and you held his wrists.

"Why do I feel like this is never going to be over? No matter how many steps I take, doors I open, boxes I check? I had to describe what happened five different times in five different forms, and..." you looked down, voice leaving you. "It was never enough. I felt like a rat ready to be studied. What if it gets rejected?"

"Then we'll appeal it."

"The appeal process takes a whole year on average, I can't... I don't know if I..." you swallowed more tears, feeling shame and self-hatred bubble up in your chest and threaten to spill over, making a burning mess of the hands he held you so gently with.

"Shh, shh, that's okay. I hear some guys find lawyers that help them get the help they need."

"They never even investigated my report, never sent me to counseling or for care or--"

"Honey, you don't need to--"

"They let me work forty feet from him for months," you sobbed. "I thought I was dying every time I saw him walk by. Thought a hundred people would stand up from their desks to watch me collapse."

"But you're out now, remember you're out now, you've moved three times since then. He can't find you."

"But what if I see him again? I don't even know if he's moved..." you choked out, tears coming anew. You were overwhelmed with the what-if possibilities that played out in your nightmares. Seeing him, reliving that night, reliving the trauma, paying the price for letting him in when you should have kept that door closed.

"C'mere, baby." Frankie gathered you in his arms, pulling you into his lap and curling you up nice and tight where you felt secure and small and protected again. "Soon the VA will call and get you set up with that referral, and--"

"The last referral told me I was self-obsessed and that I was only sad and scared because I let myself be."

"And she's been reported to the ethics board, remember? You did that all on your own, you stood up for yourself, and I couldn't be more proud."

"What if the next one is like that too? What if I'm just the problem, and I'm too weak, I was always too weak to--"

"That's just not true." The hitch in his voice quieted your next protest. He almost never let the emotions he was feeling bleed over into his words. You looked up at him, finding a serious expression, but his eyes gave him away. He was saddened by your tears, saddened that you still felt rocked by the ripples of pain that came from a splash that had long since reached the sea floor.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, biting down another sob that rose in your chest.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about. I... I understand your pain, I understand you. I know the weight you carry, and how hard it is to define it in words, I know the insult that comes when you have to boil down your life into four letters that can't possibly hold the breadth of terror you had to live with, live in, for so long." He strokes your hair, looking between your eyes, pleading for you to understand him enough to reach for his support.

The fog your brain had been walking through the last few hours (veteran burden: 1.5 hours, my ass) was beginning to clear the longer you talked to him, opened up about how you were feeling. The weight felt less and less as time went on, and by the time he'd had to turn on the lights from the sun setting, you felt like you could breathe without the usual terrible stones on your lungs.

He made you tacos. He gave you two beers, not one. He made sure you were okay before you took a shower, and he gathered you in his arms that night, kissing your forehead and reminding you of how much he loved you, and you didn't even have to tell yourself it was enough. You knew it simply was.

[lumitris]

┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . 𝒥𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓃𝑒𝓎 𝑜𝒻 𝒟𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝓈 ◞ 𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖊 . ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ @supremebirb ⤸ ❛ i won’t stop killing until you kill me. ❜ haunting!hidan @ shikamaru. perhaps his chakra is a miasma rising from his grave, poisoning the soil & all that grows in it, the wells people draw their water from- sayyyy if shika tossed hidan's head back into his grave after confronting it? he just wants uppie outtie shika :/ why you gotta bury a holy man ur an idiot tbh-

It couldn't get any worse, && somehow, it kept dragging him further down this insane rabbit hole. If he were any other man, he's sure he'd of lost his mind by now; what person could deal with a HAUNTING from the past like this? A twisted and sick reminder of a chapter he'd closed years ago, back again like a bad rash.

Shikamaru couldn't tell anyone; not his friends, his team, not Naruto. No, something always stopped him, and maybe it was his own arrogance coming into play, but this was his burden to deal with. He was the one who had finished this nightmare, and he intended to keep it that way.

❝ We both know it ain't that simple. Trust me. If you could stay dead, I'd have finished this long ago. ❞

Staying in the grave was no longer an option. Jaw tightens, teeth grinding, as he tries to remain calm. Focused. The fear he'd felt when they had first met was also long gone, but, there was no getting those maddening eyes from his mind; and now, they bore into his very soul all over again.

❝ At the very least, you're no longer a threat. ❞

But his chakra... this miasma of sorts that kept polluting the surrounding area, threatening harm to the sacred deer of this forest, that was what he was most worried about. Without his partner around, he didn't have to worry about Hidan getting back up. Without a body, there wasn't much to be concerned about.

❝ This was supposed to be your grave. Any normal person would have decayed by now. You akatsuki really are something else. ❞ It wasn't a compliment, and he feels the beads of sweat drip down his forehead, his neck, and shaken his gaze. This really was a bad nightmare.

Just what would Asuma think? Even conversing with the man who killed his sensei felt wrong on so many levels.

He had his teacher's kid to think about too.

❝ If you think I'm letting you go, you'd be dead wrong. ❞

If this was his tactic, then he definitely forced Shikamaru's hand. For a guy who wasn't so bright, he could be too troublesome for his own good.

Just what was he supposed to do right now?

First, he had to calm down. Then, access the situation before him. He could still bite him, even just as a head he posed a problem. If he invested Shikamaru's blood, could he just bite his tongue off? No. Without that ritual of his, he didn't need to worry; he couldn't perform the steps required to link their bodies together. Not as he was.

Then again, it wouldn't stop him from going for his jugular.

This was a pain. Both Hidan, and his own need to settle things; to keep it his, like an infectious disease that he couldn't let spread. Had he failed, or, was this another hurdle to grow from? All the hate, and sadness, the terror ... that had all vanished. So he could stare down at the man with a stern, distant expression, one without distress, or too much strain. The weeks building up to this encounter had, however, taken it's toll on him also. Shikamaru was tired. Nightmares upon nightmares putting an unnecessary burden on the shinobi, and the fatigue was definitely visible.

❝ Say I let you out, what's to stop me from taking you straight to the Hokage. I'm sure whatever they decide for you, will be far worse then that hole you're in now. ❞

It's the sensible thing to do. So why isn't that an option he can go along with? Shikamaru's gaze narrows in thought. No, he understands why too well; it was his baggage, and his burden alone. There was no way he'd let word get out, not to Kurenai or her daughter, and not to Ino and Choji. They had to revisit this hardship already, back during the war.

It wasn't dangerous. He wasn't being reckless. Shikamaru had thought of all potential downfalls, but he couldn't see one that he couldn't handle on his own.

❝ You're making the deer restless and trying my patience. If you're planning on acting out this revenge of yours, forget it. Even if I drag you out of that hole, you're still a dead man walking. ❞

Asuma sensei, and father too ... give him strength.

He needs something to release this tension, and his hand instantly twitches to his lighter pocket. Such a pain.

[lifesver]

@futileresilience cont from here

❝ oh. ❞ he offers, intelligently, ❝ i'm fine, ana, i promise — i just,❞ leland tries to reassure, quickly, with what was most certainly a lie. he feels sort of stupid about it. it’s ana, he thinks. come on. it’s ana. and she’s not looking through you. it’s ana, and she sees you, she gets it. but — she didn't need the extra burden of his problems, did she? she looks so tired — but it wasn't particularly polite to say that sort of thing to someone.

leland blinks up at her, when he feels her hands coming to rest over his. her fingertips ghost over the nicks and marks on his knuckles. his hands, and his knuckles, which matched the rest of him. scattered in the remnant bite of knives and razor wire. ugly and obvious — he hated looking at them. he hated the ones on his face. he hated the man that had put them there.

he knows ana has the same kinds of scars. he wonders if she avoids herself in the mirror, too.

i'm trying to be better, she says. and he suddenly wonders if he had said anything that made her feel self-conscious, or like she had something to justify to him. he didn't blame ana for the distance, with all she had to deal with at home. not for a second.

he realizes he hasn't said anything for a strange amount of time, then. he's been staring into his coffee mug blankly for the past few minutes. he wanted to tell her she didn't have to sound so apologetic. but his jaw feels wired shut, his thoughts drift by him in delay. when had it gotten to be like this? the two of them, like a couple of aliens in this diner, doing their damndest to emulate normalcy.

leland blinks; ❝ it's, uh,❞ he clears his throat awkwardly. ❝ coming back more, lately. i guess. or... it kind of… comes and goes. shit. it’s always right there in my dreams, though.❞ dreams, nightmares. ❝ — that house. you know? ❞

jesus. he isn't doing a very good job of keeping the mood light.

leland frowns softly to himself, fingers curling into his palms on the table. for a while there, whole pieces of his experience had been locked behind a wall. if it was a defense mechanism, or if it was one too many knocks upside the head, he didn’t really know. he knew amnesia was pretty normal, for concussions. happened to athletes all the time. in the first weeks of recovery, even his short-term memory had suffered. sometimes it had outright scared him, and frustrated him — forgetting where he'd been that day, or something he'd been told.

he'd read that even lost memories could come back, though. they would come back in split seconds of fear, of being unable to breathe, of dirt and blood and dim winding tunnels. and mostly, leland wishes that some of it would just go back down into whatever hole it had crawled out of in his brain. he didn't want to think about it. he didn't want to 'process' it. he just wanted it to go away.

he snaps out of his thoughts, finally, by the motion of ana going for something in her bag. a beat, and then the corners of his eyes warm to half-moons. he perks up in his booth seat; ❝ you got me something?❞

she presents him, proudly, with a shirt — his style, with little flowers embroidered up along the shoulders. just like her abuela had once done for him. he beams in return; the marigolds and roses and twisting leaves were personal touches, special.

happy birthday, lee, she says. and he'd almost forgotten that, too. leland couldn’t say he felt any different, really. his last birthday came and went, while maria was missing. so it hadn't mattered. and this year, he'd hardly given it thought, either. twenty. it felt like it mattered even less. but this?

leland laughs, gently, kindly. and he has the quiet thought that it’s good to see her smile, again. he had missed it. his own smile goes a bit wobbly as he takes the shirt from her, scoots his cold coffee aside to gently lay the fabric out in front of him. his fingertips lightly trace the embroidery in quiet awe.

❝ — what are you talking about? you killed it. seriously.❞ he couldn't imagine the time it took to do something so meticulously detailed. and people only did this kind of stuff if they really cared about you.

his expression settles into a sober look, as he looks up at her. ❝ ... it's really beautiful, ana. ❞ he gives a faintly watery laugh, expression furrowing at the same time, as he tries to battle the somewhat-embarrassing welling in his chest. ❝ you didn’t have to do anything, i… ❞ his fingers curl against the fabric, now, and he shoots her a half-sheepish smile. ❝ thank you. ❞

[swimmingclassicrockpizzawombat]

TW: trauma dumping, toxic rant, really needed to rant and be toxic for a sec (or many seconds)

It's kinda unfair that having abusive parents/being abused in your childhood immediately means you don't deserve love later in life because you're simply too broken to be loved and would end up being a burden to others.

And it's just like "those people with emotional burdens and trauma should go to therapy" but like otherwise if you still have x disorder or are still traumatized you don't deserve it (???) bc having to love someone as broken and unhealthy as you wouldn't be fair to the other person. The only way you get to interact with people is if you are fully healed and over whatever thing you went through.

"no one should have to parent their partners/friends"

And I get that but at the same time...

At the same time it's like... What if I don't want to get over my trauma? What if I can't?!

BELIEVE ME IF I COULD I WOULD. It's not like I choose to have flashbacks everytime there's a loud booming noise or a certain word being used, and I HATE having nightmares on a daily basis that consist of my family making my life a living hell.

I know I'm not entitled to anyone "loving" me or anyone's affection, but at the same time this narrative that people have to be perfect and "healed" and "healthy", and if it's not it's toxic, is so frustrating because...

How about all the times they told me it was in my natal chart that no one would ever love me because of my zodiac signs and shit and that they felt sorry for whoever had the displeasure of meeting me and even more for whoever had to tolerate me as a romantic partner in the future???

Well I didn't ASK my parents to abuse me as much as they might say so. The time they locked me outside when it was raining bc I was being a "whiny bitch" so I should just "sleep outside like a dog" and was "asking" for it wasn't bc I wanted to be a toxic person in the future. Nor the times my parents locked me in my room for two days and kept me from "eating" as a punishment, or when they sat me down for HOURS to show me videos of starving children in Africa and telling me it was my fault they were starving because I was a picky eater, or the times they decided they needed to take their anger out on something and they chose me so at best I got slapped or the "chancla" and at worst they threatened to use a belt on me and asked me to get on my knees and lift my shirt so that they could whip me with it and it could "hurt" properly so I could learn what a huge nuisance I was, nor the time my grandpa kept sexualizing me and rubbing my thigh ever since I was 12 and when I started pulling away from him bc it made me uncomfy even though I didn't know what was happening everyone chose to demonize me and call me schizophrenic for being "so mean" to him.

What about all the times my brother literally TRIED TO KILL ME?!?!? Bc our parents were so neglectful and he didn't know how to deal with jealousy so he wanted to get rid of me such as once almost drowning me in a pool by tying me down, or when he threw a chair at my head, nearly chopped my finger with a door and landed me in the hospital, or another time when he tried to push me off a cliff when we were hiking?; or more simply the time he got all my friends to turn on me on MY BIRTHDAY and humiliated me so they started beating me up and after that day I started getting bullied relentlessly in school too?

I also didn't CHOOSE TO HAVE MY BEST FRIEND DIE OF FUCKING CANCER WHEN I WAS 12, OR MY OTHER GRANDPA DIE THE DAY OF MY GRADUATION!

Or what about this, the time we had to choose to put my 14 year old dog down when I was 17 and all the responsibility fell on me because my parents couldn't decide??? According to my mom I was a monster for delaying the inevitable and keeping my dog alive and suffering, while according to my dad I was a monster if I chose to put her down bc she was "his" dog and I would be killing her.

Nononono let's go bigger here shall we?!?

Oh also! Did I mentioned that my father disowned me before I even came out bc overall I'm such a disgrace and embarrassment to them?!?

How about all the times my parents have told me I owed them for all the money they have put into feeding me and raising me? And the fact that I haven't been able to pay them back EVEN THOUGH I'M 21, and the fact that I chose a shitty career is further proof that I'm a failure?!? Even though according to them I FUCKING SUCK AT EVERYTHING I DO AND AM A DISGRACE AND DISAPPOINTMENT TO EVERYONE?!? Like when I had my last piano recital and moments before it my dad promised to give me a "good well deserved beating" when we got home after that because he found out I was suicidal and I was such an entitled brat for that.

What about all the times my mom complained about me having ruined her life and told me about how much she wanted to leave my dad and how sexless their marriage was, but she stuck around because of me so it was MY FAULT, and other times she told I was the reason she wanted to divorce him and have nothing to do with us (bc I was so intolerable and she hated living with me) bc again I was such a bitch so it would be MY FAULT if my parents got a divorce?!? Bc either way I ruin lives? Whether they stayed together or not IT WAS MY FAULT SOMEHOW. Oh yeah that brings me to... ALL THE TIMES MY FUCKING FAMILY HAS ASKED ME TO KILL MYSELF!!! My mom once even put a knife in my hand and told me to do it, another time my grandma started insulting me and telling me how I just ruined everyone's lives and make everyone around me miserable so I should do everyone a favor and kill myself already, save them the trouble of having to put up with me more.

But sure I asked them to do this! When I was born I asked them to fucking traumatize me!

The reason they treated me like this is bc I made them right?! Which is not fair bc I didn't even fucking choose to be born! And I didn't CHOOSE to get raised like this!

Nor the fact that everything they did to me still haunts me to this day.

And Oh believe me, I've been to therapy... 7 THERAPISTS!!!!! FOR YEARS!!!! and even the fucking therapists have either gaslit me, taken my family'd side or told me it was my fault I was abused because I let them etc and the reason I wasn't "over it" was because I wasn't trying "hard enough"!

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?!?!?

So the fact that others got to grow up in a loving family and I didn't and therefore people like me are inherently unlovable for that is just... Unfair to me and makes me even more depressed :/

Like... I didn't fucking CHOOSE to be traumatized or have so many disorders that make me "toxic" and "unfit" to interact with people