#whats karkats girl name...

[faygos]

*beastie boys voice* GIRLS

[aradidnt]

mmmmmwah!

[zincbotted]

passed 3000 pages of homestuck. we're doing this. we're making this happen

[pointless-discourse]

homestuck characters as related to trans stuff

head canon

JOHN EGBERT

closeted repping tgirl who will likely not realize she's trans until after 16

avoids mirrors, unhappy with appearance but tries to avoid looking at it

gets dressed in the dark

once she comes out she's gonna dress like the most hideous anime girl for the first few months

like goes HAM

her fav nerd shirts paired with a weird fucking skirt but eventually it looks really good just because of how much time she spends on it now that she likes how she looks

DAVE STRIDER

cool cis guy that will respect the pronouns

will treat people the same regardless of transness

goes down the transfem nonbinary any pronouns route in mid 20s

unfathomably chill

JADE HARLEY

divisive subject. either cool nerdy tgirl or closeted trans guy

tgirl jade puts a lot of effort into dressing for the sake of mirrors

doesn't necessarily look GOOD (ultranerd furry island social recluse) but she looks intresting

however tgirl jade doesn't voicetrain and not only is her voice kinda clocky but also very hoarse from lack of use

closeted transguy/transmasc nonbinary jade is very online and performative feminine stuff until he realizes in his late teens he's trans

does not learn what trans is until late teens, very in sheltered parts of the internet despite being very online

was out online years before he came out irl

third option: chill cis girl who, during

ROSE LALONDE

terf

no hate to rose she is one of my top three characters in all of homestuck but she is very terf vibes

she spends a lot of time "debating" with trans people online (harassment) and frequents a lot of terf forums

i think that after a few years of earth c and maybe meteorstuck she grows past it and eventually to her it's not a fight she's proud to be the lead general of but a phase she's really embarassed of, much like her other silly 13 year old traits

i also really like tgirl rose, not for character basis but i think its cool and i (obviously) love trans headcanons

KARKAT VANTAS

i am very divided between ftm and cis guy.

cis guy karkat is cool, he's very much just some guy who's comfortable in his "girly" hobbies and, while isn't really tied into his physical appearance, isn't dysphoric and is just a little insecure

however: humanstuck karkat will always be trans in my mind, just for the persecution bit, although i would also buy ethnically-middle-eastern adopted into a white american family karkat

he'd be a truscum or just kinda shitty to nonpassing trans people i think, we've seen how many alternian empire boots he licks so conforming to the status quo as a pick-me minority is not above him

again i think he would grow out of it in his later teen years/early 20s (like in the comic) but i don't ever see humanstuck karkat escaping the eternal shame that kind comes with being trans

ARADIA MEDIG0

ily weird unnerving tgirl aradia she is like so that to me. she reminds me of the boymoder NEET memes i see chronically online trans girls on reddit posting

but also i do equally enjoy weird girlboss cis girl aradia

either way she is far too etheral to be bothered with gender stuff

like you could come out to her with sixteen hard to pronounce xenos, pass so badly you unearth masculinity/feminity so prominent it burns to the touch, and she would not give a single fuck. and she would never mess up with pronouns and shit

tAVROS nITRAM

i see her as a hardcore deep deep in the closet repper tgirl as like a core part of my interpretations and yet i can never imagine her coming out

like i just see her boymoding forever

not really? like i think it would happen eventually i just can't visualize it

hypothetically i could see her being one of those cool goth girls named lilith but it seems very removed from the original starting point

2OLLUX CAPTOR

repping tgirl or amab nonbinary or just plain cis

either way still horrifically greasy and that will never change

there is no self reflection that will even vaguely incentivize sollux to maintain his hygeine

:33< NEPETA LEJION

cis girl

maybe comes out as ftm in 20s? if trans, i could also see nepeta repping till death

like just a weird cis girl who is like "oh, you're trans? just like in my warrior cats rp discord server!"

again, gives more of a fuck about gender than aradia but it is close

she just cares if you will listen to her talk about her ships and art

nepeta is the type of person where it might take her a while get the new name and stuff right

"HER PRONOUNS ARE THEY/THEM!"

but she would be your staunch defender

KANAYA MARYAM

eh? nothing strong here, i don't really have a hc for her

but there is a lot of mtf symbolism in the comic and i do enjoy that

like a socially awkward youngshit who's not out to many people because she can't really bring herself to correct people in public but still has a really passing voice even after first coming out

bad facial dysphoria

do like her as intersex. feels right

TEREZI PYROPE

nonbinary

no genders, all the genders, new genders, old primal genders, everything

both simultaneously afab and amab but not intersex?

the living embodiment of androgyny

probably has a very long list of neos/xenos but is any pronouns

you cannot misgender her. hes too cool.

VRISKAAAAAAAA SERK8!!!!!!!!

transgirl transgirl transgril

literally not even a headcanon at this point vriska is a trans girl and that is that!!!!!!!!

if you disagree im kickng your ass so hard it comes out of your mouth. your days are numbered and that number is 0. (not 8 :( )

EQUIUS

option one: cis gymbro chaser.

he sleeps with trans men to steal their t shots

in the streets he'll occasionally say the weird shit but i know he'd be crankin his hog to futa/cuntboy shit by night

option two: trans girl

never comes out because of insecurity but indulges in long hair and the occasional skirt in private and then feels really bad about it

option three: insane roided trans man

t gave him big muscles and big sex drive

option three poiont 5.

racist sexist homophobic nonbinary

like drops the most despicable shit in conversation and finsihes it off with "my pronouns are actually they/them), like one of those nazi femboys

GAMZEE MAKARA

does not gaf

cis (? idk) guy who is fine with any pronouns and crossdresses for fun

i guess not technically cis? but still identifies as a man when it comes down to it. like barely guy

FEFERI PEIXIES

cis girl who is a little infantilizing

if you're transfem she will give you makeup tips

but still a little hugboxy

"oh no you totally pass even though you're 8'100 and have a full beard! women come in all shapes and sizes!" (not shitting on the made up trans girl here, passing is fucking hard and it has no bearing on personal worth)

JANE CROCKER

jane is a repping/closeted trans man and you can pry this from my cold dead hands

the mustache? the projection onto only male figures?

also i think its fun with jane's ties to the girls-only fuchsiablood club that he ends up a dude

also st4t janeroxy my beloved

DIRK STRIDER

gonna be honest here no strong leanings

i am a firm believer that estrogen would save her but i dont really think of dirk as anywhere on the gender spectrum

maybe just cis dirk? i could buy cis dirk

JAKE ENGLISH

one one hand i would like the transmasc rep being not restricted to hairless twinks and i would enjoy ftm jake that way

transmasc nonbinary jake is an insane concept to me but i do find myself intrested

a little iffy on the trans headcanons (especially transmasc) because a big part of the concept of jake english is that he's a big strong man who takes on the literary role of an objectified girl character and having him be

ROXY LALONDE

ex twinkhon femboy now BDD gigapassoid

literally one of the most gorgeous trans women you will ever meet

creating e substitutes in her laboratory since age 12

again not even those most immersed in trans culture and the ways of clocking would be able to tell thats how good she is

her speaking patterns hail solely from those cutesy minecraft/unboxing youtubers she religiously watched as a small child

however she is fully convinced that she doesn't pass for shit so she believes that every genuine complement and people treating her like a woman is just them being nice

she'll attempt to boymode and go "stealth" in scenarios where she doesn't want to be visibly trans but it fucking backfires because everyone assumes she's ftm

DIRK STRIDER

trans man with literally no basis because my dirk-themed friend is also a trans man

4channer transman robotics nerd dirk my beloved

DAMARA MEGIDO

transfem ig? or cis woman

very girl adjacent

idk i dont think about the dancestors much

RUFIOH NITRAM

cis man

MAYBE trans man

i am also cool with that

MITUNA CAPTOR

cis man

MAYBE transfem nonbinary

KANKRI VANTAS

trans man because very few cis men were tumblr "SJW"s

and he reminds me of of some chronically online trans guys i used to hang around

also hes very fuckign petite and girls and feminend and twinky dinky and im just projecting my dysphoria onto him sorrie kankri fans

MEULIN LEJION

cis fujo girl

when she discovered trans men she was like 'YAAAAAS MPREG'

will respect your pronouns and shit but is VERY HORNY

lowkey chaser that will also date cis people

PORRIM MARYAM

two choices: cool goth transbian or lesbian terf

cool goth transbian is the nice one. first off, she looks a lot like some transfem transition goals ive seen online.

second, cool feminist could also be trans rights and trans people are kinda forced into being political

third, being flat as a board could also be interpreted as her just not having tits (tho she does seem like the type to DIY HRT)

TERF porrim (correct): first, a lot of "feminists" turn out to be bitchy to trans people

second, her activism for groups she's a part of and groups she likes is good, but she really infantilizes kankri, and considering that's the beforan equivalent of hemoracism, if trans people didn't fit her motto she would not hesitate to shit on them

LATULA PYROPE

cis girl. maybe she/they

ARANEA SERKET:

trans girl serkets trans girl serkets

would also buy cis girl that makes you wonder if she's actually a repressed ftm because some of her actions are a littttttttle suspicious

HORRUS ZAHHAK

cis man who ends up hanging out with a lot of trans women anyway due to shared intrests in hyperpop and furry stuff

again very respectful, very small chance that he's chaser-y

KURLOZ MAKARA

i honestly do not know and this isnt because i dont really care about his character, it just evades me

transcends gender

could be cis woman, fuck if i know. i'd buy that

all and neither a gender above our human comprehension

CRONUS AMPORA

trans man that proves tboys are real men because they can be just as creepy and awful as cis men

thinks him being trans means he's immune to all types of discrimination

uses it a pity point/to get out of stuff

MEENAH PEIXIES

maybe tgirl? idk

may just be cis

possibly transmasc nonbinary

tho i lean mostly towards cis woman whos gnc and actually cool with trans peopel (be aware she will still groom them tho)

equal opportunity grooming

CALLIOPE

technically transfem anyway because her body isn't sexed so shes kinda intersex

but even if she wasnt a cherub she would still be transfem anyway

chronically online transgirl who spends most of her time in internet spaces with cis girls of her same age

warrior cats fan

humanstuck calliope hung around the warrior cats girls since elementary and never left

CALIBORN

evil trans man

transmasc for same reasons as calliope

humanstuck caliborn avoided all female socialization because he didn't socialize and instead spent his formative years on 4chan

the nature of the /lgbt/ board probably gave him some shame about being ftm

DAD EGBERT and crocker as well, very similar people

cis man who is a staunch ally

MOM LALONDE

cis ally

she's trying? can't say anything more

will occasionally and unintentionally say some out of pocket shit about trans people she knows when drunk

will mess up the pronouns a lot because very scatterbrained

GRANPA HARLEY:

cis man who lowkey fetishizes trans people

straight but fucks non-passing transmen because he doesn't see them as men

trans women are some exotic fetish

if jade came out he would repair his ways tho

NANNA EGBERT

transphobic

not even a terf because she has beef with feminists

but again if john or jane came out she would badger them at first but her love would win out and she would change her views

BRO STRIDER

personally i see him as a cis man but i think trans man bro strider is cool and also an icon

DIRK'S BRO:

cis bisexual man who is cool with trans people

ROXY'S MOM:

cis woman who is in a fucked up evil messy situationship with a transgirl

will trans rights

GRANDMA ENGLISH:

either a. elder trans woman

or b. cis woman (a little nonbinary) who is accepting

does not know the terminology

"oh so you want to live as a woman now? alright, i suppose. i had a friend like that back in college"

HIC:

evil elder trans woman who has an illegal diy hrt empire

will sell out the trans community if it benefits her

grifter

LIL CAL

i dont know it s scary

[hivepixels]

I feel like Sollux would be more of a league player. Karkat would try to play it but give up like a week later

HHGGH my sis frequently infodumps league to me bc she tracks the esports matches so my impression of that game is like. heavily skewed towards the glamorized big-scale competitions with dramatic live broadcasting

idk much abt the game so i tried describing the hs peeps and asked her what champions they'd play. here's what she said (my description was likely very insufficient lmaoo pls take with grain of salt) -

sollux jungler. been playing since early league days, shaco to troll, otherwise kindred (i think he'd enjoy collecting fem skins and playing girls/girl mages too. cue vc constantly trying to bait him into pronouncing 2haco LOL)

karkat would start off playing garen in top lane, then eat shit and give up. months later revisits and plays more comfortably after switching to nautilus support tank in botlane (nautilus design is so freaking cute im alr attached AAA the most perfect champ for karkat 🥺🤲!!)

terezi replaces toplane with mordekaiser, dave botlane on aphelios. not sure abt midlaner, maybe vriska as yasuo to be silly bonus :ayaya: (she's a rosemary enjoyer) - midlaner rose as orianna, jungler kanaya as evelynn

i also like sollux dota 2- not just bc there's two in the name but also because dota and league have history as genre rivals so its funny thinking of sollux being a dota og elitist that way hajaha

however in my heart the best slkt gaming headcanon wld always be mmorpgs heh. i dont play so idk how it works but i did have some old scribbs w the concept, testing dynamic

[thewertsearch]

Kanaya was the one to name Rose? Does this mean all the 'Homestuck Player' actions from Act 1 were trolls all along?

This was a mechanic I had long since dismissed as a quirk of early Homestuck, back before its rules had been solidified. I love that even old mysteries like this can come full-circle.

It also means this was definitely Karkat.

GA: I Am A Troll From Another Universe Using A Chat Client Utility Which Is Capable Of Contacting You And Your Friends At Any Point Of Your Lives Which I Choose Up To And Including The Moment Of Your Own Incompetence Fueled Self Destruction

Imagine if this was the first message we'd seen from a troll, back in Act 3. It would've taken me half a dozen posts just to digest the implications!

GT: you are a time traveling space alien from the future, sent here to study humans? GA: No GT: are you from mars? is it a mission of peace? GA: No John You Werent Listening GT: what does your time machine look like? a phone booth? phone booths are a popular thing for some reason. GA: Damn It

Well, you were looking for a way to make this interesting. Whatever else you can say about the John Egbert stream-of-consciousness, it's certainly never boring.

GT: were you lured to earth by a huge gyroscopey thing that jodie foster piloted in contact, while matthew mcconaughey sort of acted as her spiritual guide i guess… GA: What The Hell GT: and then he kind of preached to her about having faith instead of believing in the sciences so hard all the time, and i guess in the end she believed him, maybe? GT: actually, im not even sure what the point of mcconaughey was in that movie. but he was still awesome. GT: and then jodie found her dad on an alien planet... but i think he was a ghost or something? or maybe an alien in disguise.

I feel like I'm getting spoiled for Contact, which I've never seen - but I'm also learning that Contact is apparently buckwild enough that spoilers don't matter.

GA: Im A Girl Not A Boy GT: oh, sorry. GT: i don't know why i thought you were. GA: It Happens

Especially on a planet where dimorphism doesn't appear to matter. I feel like troll gender expression would be more about presentation than physical traits, in a manner similar to Discworld dwarfs.

GT: were you trolling rose too? [...] GA: I Just Spoke To Her In The Future GA: [...] She Said To Paste Something From Our Conversation

That was John, actually - and just before that, he told you to message him in a way that would make the ensuing conversations as convoluted as possible.

So far, you're succeeding with flying colors, and copypasting predestined messages is just the icing on the cake.

GA: Now Im Wondering If You Might Be Trolling Me As Well GT: ok well, just between you and me… GT: SOMEONE here is getting trolled. GT: and it just might be all three of us.

Again, you're using Trollian. Any conversation you have in this app is guaranteed to troll you, your partner, and probably a couple of bystanders for good measure. It's happened before.

[6arely-living]

HMMMMMM

Alright, sure, I’ll play your game

What are your “special interests” may I ask?

well there is hamilton: an american musical, wich is abt the life of alexander hamilton, one of the founding fathers. He had 8 kids, two of them named philip, both the oldest and the youngest.

also there is a thing called team seraphic sins ( @bittersweetcandies ) which is not even canon but it's supposed to be like the seraphims/angels + god of hazbin hotel, it has Leo/Leilel and Azrael, which are brothers (and my two favourite akndiaka) also Michael, Galim, Cassius, Joel, God, Gabriel, and Leroy, which are like the 8 main + God, and it's like a really cool au and uhh they all fuck idk

there is also homestuck and like me and my best friend are literally eridan and sollux, and I love karkat, and terezi and everyone and idk I'm so hyper abt this dk what to say, and uhh its just so dksiskahskaanjsk2hshwkwb it has infected my brain every time someone mentions a baby I think of baby strider and the minimum reference goes like KAKBSIAKABS HOMESTUCK ATAJDIS in my brain it's so stupid it's eating me rotten

also psychocuties which I love it but it's problematic and Tamakuz (the creatof) herself is problematic bc she drew the characters in n4z1 (ik I can say it but I'm uncomfortable saying it) suits and with the clothes of the movie/series/book (?) Lolita and Mimi/Ushka is like a catgirl Dr Masakryk (a corrupt doctor lol) made out of dead bodies just to use her mentally and physically and have her as an unpated assistant and she looks no much older than 12 but when ppl started questioning it Tamakuz said she was 18 so it was legal, but Dr Masakryk is still 25. And it also has an animation called "Elevator Man" which depicts Dr Masakryk as a dude that like works (?) at the elevator and then a girl that was Ushka when she was alive enters the elevator and she is kinda used by Masakryk

team seraphic sins:

psychocuties:

[sadevergreen]

as a camp counselor (technically not currently bc i went home for Illness) and homestuck fan (also technically not currently bc I'm too busy being a camp counselor) i love camp skaia. which homestuck characters are most likely to be the "we're ALL sick there's no reason you can't do the hike up the hill" (has mild cold and vague heatsickness at worst) counselor x "actual lung infection but thinks it's a really normal cold" (very easily gaslit) counselor program group pair? i feel like eridan and kanaya are hot contenders here

ooo ok this is so good- apologies for the ever loving hell that you are about to see but i sought assistance from my dear dear pale friend @marv3l-drag0ns !!!!!!!! MUAH PLATONICALLLY <> ILY they were a huge help in putting this together

BOY DO I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ON THIS, THIS WAS EXTREMELY FUN :D

so let’s begin: my immediate instinct was kanaya and tavros are the most easily gaslit, or adhere most to given direction (we’re not going to talk about HIM). but then who to pair them with? they are both wet cats that won’t work. we decided that YES kanaya and eridan definitely make sense! but in which role? it may seem obvious but NO! eridan too sick? whiny fussy pitiful sopping kitty he’s just a beanbag full of milk! so we decided barely sick eridan, otherwise he’d be throwing a fit. instead he’s referring to his Superior Genes! and kanaya is. strugglin. but fuck man here we are 🤷‍♂️

But we’re not done yet!

the next we considered was karkat and terezi!! especially aided through the lens of karkat’s old crush on terezi; he’s too whipped and in denial to deny a girl a hand!

this led to possibly the funniest thing ever: THE INNER KANKRI THAT EVERYONE HAS AND HE SITS ON YOUR SHOULDER AND REMINDS YOU TO BE DECENT AND LEAVE ROOM FOR KANKRI

for the bigger drawings i capped it off with a good ol favorite of mine; erifef. why did i like them? man idek anymore but it worked really well with the idea of eridan being the sicker one, but being ok such thin ice over his constant whining that he just has to go along with it we just though it was funny hehe. it can be viewed through any lens! snippy or non, s’all good here! it’s all canon.

what is he was sick and he couldn’t whine 🥺 what is he was sick and he wasn’t allowed even a snivle about it 🥺 not a snort 🥺 or a sob 🥺 he’s so pathetic !!!! besides, he can’t be out paced by some fuckin kids!!!! HES A GROWN ADULT 16-18 Y/O CAMP COUNSELOR GODDAMNIT!!

MARVEL: “Feferi: ah yes your sickness you have a functioning immune system and are the most dramatic guy on planet earth (only one of those statements is true)” which statement? :) yeah

she doesn’t believe him anymore <333

Ok and that is it for full line art doodles, but!!! i couldn’t resist drawing some more pairs we pondered

ERIDAN AND KARKAT: omfg so good!! but they would 100% either both be tooooo sick and dead, or they would both be mostly fine

VRISKA AND TAVROS: no. and you know why we’re not doing this one :,( we all instantly knew this one would be here but we are choosing to ignore it im favor of…

TAVROS AND KARKAT: Marvel proposed it and it was very interesting!! i think similar to eridan and karkat, where they’re both dead or both barely sick. no i’m between. aggressive yet positive motivation (?) for the win!!! they further proposed that karkat “eats dirt for a living and doesn’t get sick very often”

Overall this was really fun to put together and answer, and i had a blast getting to colab with a mutual along the way :3 so thank you anon and thank you marvel!! this does bring me to something i’ve been meaning to say,,.,,,

@marv3l-drag0ns ,,? we’ve been friends forever, you know my dogs middle name, we complete each other in a way no one else can! you stop me from eating bones i find on the road, and i stop you from ascending to godtier to avoid going to exams…,…

would you be my

Moirail? <>

anyways! that’s all for now <3 this was so fun :) please send in more asks/ requests like this if you ever think of any more! i definitely feel for the camp counselor piece cause that was me earlier this summer PFF and all the counselors got sick and passed something around (but hey! it was an excuse to sit away from 7 y/olds for a few minutes while i got tea for my sore throat)

[vriskaserketdaily]

its so hard to write vriska as an adult because she is So chronically a teenage girl. like a good 30% of her actions can be explained away with "shes a teenage girl"

yeah being 13 is just like that idk what to tell you

this is gonna probably get into "your experiences are not universal" territory but (pic unrelated)

vriska is the kinda chick where, you weren't exactly friends with her, but you ran in the same circles of weird-but-not-too-weird kids. like, neither of you were popular but there were definitely two or three freaks lower on the social scale than her, and unlike you she was a huge bitch about it. anyway, you have a massive but not-unforseen falling out (she is a LOT) and end up going to separate high schools. years later you reconnect with a different friend from the same school, and as you're catching up with them her name comes up.

and your first thought is, "damn, she's still alive?"

let's say, for example, that this is kanaya and nepeta catching up. the trolls' friend group might not have been as freaky as my own, but there are FOR SURE two or three of 'em where looking back it's like "yeah, no way that kid isn't dead/in jail by now." and then, pleasant surprise, ten years later nobody's offed themselves BUT the guy you least expect (karkat) is now a father. go figure. anyway nepeta/kanaya gets curious and asks what the hell vriska is up to, since last she heard vriska was a pretty troubled kid and it'd be nice to get some closure on that front.

same old shit, somehow. except now the police can get involved, and basically her life is a huge mess. does she have a job? no. a degree? well, half a bachelor's maybe, but everyone else who hasn't made a trainwreck of their lives is either thinking about a master's or certified in some trade of choice. does she even have a car? . . . not as such. the perpetual mystery is how is she GETTING into all this insane and petty drama with the most QUESTIONABLE people like how is she GOING to these VENUES with no car??? WHERE is she meeting & dating this BIZARRE rotating cast of shitstain losers and rancid wannabe IG baddies?????

has she like, developed or grown in any capacity? well, now she's cool with tats and piercings and has a big ol anchor on her shoulder she got while dating a hot college chick as a high school freshman, but no, she is in no way a nicer or more mature person. anyway let's circle back to karkat being a teen dad WHAT??? how did THAT happen???

so to answer your question, i prefer to write adult!vriska as "that one chick in your old friend group who never actually grew up past middle school, to the detriment of herself and everyone in her immediate vicinity." the degree to which she completely wrecks her own/others' lives is up to you (i stop short of putting her in jail for vehicular manslaughter by simply not letting her have a car) and whether or not she Can develop into a stable, well-adjusted adult is Also up to you. personally i think she'd make an excellent fake psychic, but singer-songwriter, professional wrestler, vlogger/streamer, and independently wealthy layabout are all viable vriska "careers" (also, most miserable history major on earth, if you truly believe she would get a degree in l*beral arts). hope this helps!

[youabandonedthem]

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you’re really not sure why you bother taking your dad’s calls anymore.

There’s a thousand things you could be doing right now, none of them exceptionally desirable, all of them more pleasant than sitting in near-silence on a concrete floor next to a surly Dersite. Even if the Dersite in question did take you in when you were a dumpy little grub.

Now you’re a troll. A dumpy troll. No longer little.

Spades Slick is sitting across from you on the cold floor of the hideout, fiddling with a baggy and some utensils. You keep glancing up at him, and then away; you know he doesn’t like it when you stare for too long. He’s grumbling something to himself as he sorts through his things.

It’s a beautiful day out. You could be anywhere.

He sits up a little straighter and squints at you, his gaze searing through you. Leaning forward, he sets a candle between the two of you and looks away before tossing you a little box of matches.

“Go ahead and light that,” he says casually.

You go ahead and light it. The hideout is already pretty well lit, so the atmosphere of the place doesn’t really change. If you were younger, or feeling bolder, maybe you’d have sighed in exasperation as you shake the lit match into extinction. You look around for a place to throw it out, but the garbage can is a few feet away and you’re pretty sure Slick will have words for you if you get up and start gallivanting about right now.

You stay put with your sad little burnt out match, and when you turn back around to face your adoptive father, he’s holding the spoon over the candle flame. It would be a shocking enough sight if you hadn’t seen it before. You know Slick – know him well enough to know that whoever this is for, it’s not for him.

He’s a professional, best in the business. You can practically hear his voice ringing in your ears. He’d bring it up at random when you were little, taking a walk through the neighborhood or heading back to your car through Wal-mart parking lots. At street lights, gas stations, sometimes even at home, if Deuce was so inclined as to offer him ibuprofen for any of his recurring ailments.

He’s no junkie, kid, he’s no layabout ex-vet or pregnant teenage girl hobbling around with no cardboard sign. He’s a businessman.

And he doesn’t get unprofessional with his goods.

For all you can say about your dad, you’ve never seen him waver on that.

He also won’t sell anything he hasn’t tested. He’s got a reputation to uphold, of course. Normally he’ll select a customer at random for this – they never protest. If he’s feeling thorough he’ll test the same batch out on a human, a troll, and a carapacian, to make sure a batch is good to retail to any species.

Earlier this week you recall him leaving you a voice message on Whatsapp, complaining about some particularly whiny disenfranchised Prospitan roaming about the place. You had kind of written it off since it had, due to the age and deteriorating quality of Slick’s phone and to the closeness of his mouth to the microphone, been largely incoherent. You suppose that must have been his first lucky customer.

Probably he’s going to ask you if you have any friends you can call and ask to come over. Your eyes glaze a little as you stare at the now steadily bubbling liquid in the spoon.

You’re not sure what you’re going to say to that, really.

“Sorry, Dad, I don’t have any friends to call. I don’t leave the apartment that you help me pay for except for to go to work, which I do at night, because I have issues with emotional regulation that make it difficult for me to do work involving frequent or long-term social interaction. There’s no one I can think of to invite over to shoot up for you. Not even for free.”

Without realizing it, your gaze slips off the spoon and towards the bottle sitting on the floor by Slick’s elbow.

The yellow label beams up at you, uncannily bright in the gray hues of the hideout. Mr. and Mrs. Bragg also beam up at you, proud as always to bring you organic apple cider vinegar in the raw.

You’re pretty sure you’ve never seen anyone on the street with a bottle of this stuff next to them. But then again, a 946 mL bottle of Bragg’s Organic Raw Apple Cider Vinegar was a clear $9.99 when purchased at a regular Healthy Planet location. Just the other night you were stocking some truly monstrous 128 oz bottles of regular Great Value brand white vinegar for a mere $4.67. So there’s that mystery solved.

The Walmart you work at carries Bragg’s too, you’re pretty sure. But it’s pretty nice stuff. Maybe they’ve got cameras in the Bragg’s aisle? Cameras in the organic fermented goods aisle? You make a mental note to check. Maybe they’ve been giving out Bragg’s at the needle exchange this whole time. You’ve never been – you’d be none the wiser.

“Kid.”

Slick’s voice cuts through your idle thoughts, and you sit up a little straighter reflexively.

“Sorry, Dad, I don’t have any friends to call. I don’t leave the apartment that you help me pay for except for to go to work, which I do at night, because I have issues with emotional regulation that make it difficult for me to do work involving frequent or long-term social interaction. There’s no one I can think of to invite over to shoot up for you. Not even for free.”

If something changes in Slick’s expression, you can’t quite perceive it. He keeps staring at you. He’s holding a needle, already drawn up.

“Kid,” he says, “You’re good enough.”

You stare back.

“What?”

He makes a face, dissatisfied with the way he’d phrased his previous sentiment, and wiggles the needle a little.

“You’re good enough to test this out for me. I don’t need any of your stupid friends.”

You don’t pull your arm away when he reaches out and grabs it, pulling it out towards him. But when you see reaching with his other hand for a strip of cloth sitting by the Bragg’s apple cider vinegar, you start leaning away from him, almost involuntarily.

“No, no, I mean, I can find someone,” you wheeze, already feeling yourself flush with panic. “I’ll – the signal is shit down here, let me go upstairs and I can call -”

“It’s ready now, kid,” Slick hisses, narrowing his eyes at you. “It’s a low dose, you’re going to be fine. Not like I’m going to sell it to you after this.”

He laughs shortly at his own joke. You don’t think it’s very funny. He yanks you forward firmly and leans in to tie you off.

You’re trying to think of something to say. You can’t run, and you’re certainly incapable of fighting – not while you’re in this kind of shape, not when you’re at this point in your life, not Slick.

He stretches the cloth around your upper arm and wraps it tight. Then he looks down at your lower forearm and frowns before readjusting the cloth, squeezing it even more firmly around your bicep before he ties it. He looks down and frowns again.

“Karkat.”

Hunched over, he looks up at you. You turn your head to the side, mostly unconsciously, avoiding eye contact. He’s staring at you.

After a long moment, he attempts again to tie you off. When he’s done, he pulls your arm directly in front of his face, staring intently. No luck.

Slick reaches up again to adjust the cloth, and this time, when he tugs at it, it rips clean in two.

The two of you sit in silence.

“Karkat,” he rasps. “If you do this for me, I’ll pay for three months of membership down at the Planet Fitness by your apartment. Whatever that place is called.”

“Okay,” you mumble.

“This is bad, Karkat. Droog’s been talking to me about this,” Slick continues. “It’s, it’s calories, and it’s in everything you eat. You have to pay attention. That junk food, it’s terrible for you. You’ll get sick.”

He looks up at you beadily. You meet his gaze.

“I know.”

He reaches up and claps you gently on the shoulder, the look on his face difficult to read. You’re reminded, as you occasionally are, that this is the Dersite that raised you. This, all of this, stems from a maladjusted desire to care for you, to keep you safe, and to eventually enable you to keep yourself safe, something you are aware is becoming less and less likely to ever come to fruition. He’s not shooting you up with Great Value white vinegar. He got you Bragg’s, from Healthy Planet. Because he loves you.

His clamps around your upper arm, metal fingers squeezing far tighter than the cloth had been able to, and this time, when he looks down, he sees something he likes.

The needle plunges down. To Slick’s credit, you hardly feel it.

You’re already feeling something by the time he’s standing up; makes sense, you’ve never shot anything before. When you look up at him, you’re cognizant of an unusual taste stinging at the back of your mouth.

It’s apple cider vinegar.

—————–

cool story by @myskyperevenge​  but not that well researched…

[sylph-o-life]

CANNOT relate to those homestuck fans that like 1-3 characters exclusively. I like (almost) all of them for mostly silly reasons. Here's why I loved them at 14/15, and why I still do.

John/June - Main character. I always find myself liking the main character if I liked the story, for some reason. Jade - Girl who is silly AND smart AND had a Condition(narcolepsy)! This was groundbreaking to little old 14/15 year old me. Dave - Funney and rambles. Rose - Smart, funny and independent; AKA, everything I wanted to be when I first read homestuck.

Aradia - The idea that you could be silly AND like dark and macabre things was an earthshattering idea to me. Tavros - Relatable. Sollux - Inspired me to learn html for some reason. Also I liked that he had a Theme (duality). Karkat - Grouchy in a way that's funny. Nepeta - Outside of shipping, something I didn't understand, nepeta was just like me. Autistic Artist Kid with a love for Roleplay. (I almost cosplayed her, and would've if I wasn't so poor) Kanaya - Cool v ampire with chainsaw :) Terezi - LOVED the way she speaks. Vriska - First time I saw a mean character and didn't hate them (I didn't see a lot of media tbf) Equius - Loved the way he said bloo. Nepeta liked him so I did too. Gamzee - Liked the way the stoner clown got turned into a genuinely scary character. Eridan - I felt like I HAD to like him because that was MY zodiac. So i... did?? Feferi - Life player :) Also had a massive special interest in deep sea critters and the mention of cuttlefish made me immediately latch onto her.

Jane - her name is my middle name. Also life player :) Jake - funney old-timey british talk. Green. Dirk - brony. Hal - glasses. Roxy - I don't remember exactly??? I think it was similar to Jade and Rose in the silly AND smart thing, but less groundbreaking because I had seen it before (in Jade and Rose).

Damara - I liked her hair plus the contrast between Aradia and her. Did not know what she was saying (for some reason didn't fully realise I could translate her text until last year???) Rufioh - Liked that he had wings. Mituna - Reminds me of my grandpa (he has a brain injury) Kankri - Didn't. Meulin - First time seeing a deaf character and made me realise I could make disabled characters (despite seeing several others IN homestuck, too. I was not exactly observant or smart lol) Porrim - Had face piercings that I wanted/reminded me of my aunt. Latula - Gamer girl, plus I liked the anosmia representation (I don't ahve it, but I have a very weak sense of smell) Aranea - She talked a lot Horuss - Didn't. Kurloz - inspired me to learn some ASL, a sign language not used in Australia. I can still, at 20, fingerspell in ASL, despite it being useless here. (trying to find some AUSLAN classes though) Cronus - Didn't. Meenah - She was cool :)

Every single carapacian, felt member, and other secondary/tertiary character - like them :) Doc scratch - :(

Caliope - kinda wanted to be her tbh. But in a not girl way (?) Caliborn - Loved that he was a shithead. Found him funny.

Anyway I think it's clear that I was not a very smart kid.

[lesboygamzee]

beta troll headcanons but i have headcanons on how alternian gender works ( its not that complex dw )

aradia - fully agender . seperate from everything . didnt really care until it godtiered and then was like ohhh i dont have to do anything anymore im free now ok ^_^ and was pretty chill with it forever tavros - Fairy Girl and transfem . i imagine that Fairy Genders are like completely caste nonconforming I HAVE LORE I HAVE LORE LISTEN TO ME NOW BOY anyway . has known for like .. Awhile but shes in proximity to vriska and vriska is like your average reddit transfem and tavros is like ok maybe i should just repress this and pretend its not something i think and dream about extensively . and it works for awhile and then she lives as a girl on her own on earth c but it still takes forever for her to actually Come Out but it happens .. eventually ... ok im getting sad my girl has problems SHES ALSO BUTCH sollux - gold bigender what the fuck else . very repressed transfem who fits all the gamer trasnfem stereotypes hes kind of real . again Very Repressed and like halfway an egg halfway Aware ( haha duality ) . starts being herself after prolongued proximity to godtier aradia she stole its fucking girl ness #thetransagenda . doesnt really like the association he has with her caste but accepts it as part of his identity nontheless karkat - agender cis guy no assigned caste but identifies with his assigned gender on the technical level . he has a weird relationship with it but like its chill overall nepeta - olive trans guy . nondysphoric and is fine being a girl but one day he was like hey somethings off and he ripped his tits clean off and started living as a he and went about his life as normal <- joke but probably not far off . i dont think he was unhappy as a girl hes just chill with whatever feels right in the moment i think and right now its Boy kanaya - jade trans girl but in a gnc way because female jadebloods are meant to be very cold i think people forget that but kanaya genuinely cares about motherhood and wants to nurture the matriorb because she cares about the next generation of her race and like thats a significant part of her character guys you know that right . i think her both being badass AND having a desire for motherhood is good writing actually guys .g . anyway . has known since she was very young and would be relatively normal about it if it wasnt for her Proximity To Vriska ( see Reddit Transfem ) terezi - teal trans guy whos also nonbinary whos also a dyke . ill be honest i dont have anything super in depth for this one sorry terezi fans vriska - cerulean trans girl . i think nows the time to clarify what i mean by reddit transfem umm . she will not shut the fuck up about how horrible and mannish she looks and acts forever and like its not her fault she feels like this but shes saying this in direct proximity of other transfems namely kanaya and tavros . i also think shes a transmed . umm has known from a young age but only becomes fully comfortable in her identity like .. a loooong time from canon equius - indigo transfem . i dont have a lot of thoughts on this but i think shes very repressed for a long time but Nepeta Proximity helps her a little . doesnt really transition shes just A Girl Now gamzee - Dyke . incredibly strange relationship with everything but like .. i think hes identifying as a trans guy at 13 if only because he thinks its the easiest to explain i dont think hed care . Until It Does . has a crisis about it for exactly a week before getting normal . hard to explain more for multiple reasons rips arm off eridan - violet cis guy but like theres gender fuckery going on . thought he was transfem for awhile and went on e and was like this is awesome but i think im a guy still . does drag as a fuschia woman feferi - fuschia multigender . another one that is hard to explain sigh but i think hes an egg at 13 but he doesnt have a whole thing about it hes like oh im more than just Girl cool ^_^

[anachronistic-falsehood]

giving u a free ticket 2 talk about qsmp more bc its fun 🎟🎟 tell me about jaiden. i only vaguely see people talking about jaiden and i just think shes a cool person in general (<< used 2 watch her animation videos ALL the time) so i wanna know what shes up to :]

OH DUDE. INSANE ABOUT QJAIDEN FR. i don't watch her pov often so a lot of this might be off but like. i will not stop thinking about her ever. okay. so jaiden and roier. platonic partners forever and ever <3 they had a son named bobby and he was just the SILLIEST little guy ever on the planet!!! such a little shit!!! and he was so so caring and loving!!! he DIED. ok. he DIED and it was SAD. and roier coped by hiding his grief with jokes, but jaiden just kind of. wallowed in her grief. she let it consume her. and CUCURUCHO CAME ALONG and started hanging out with her and being nice to her. and like. ok. whatever u weird ass bear.

but like. the way she treated cucurucho kind of got similar to the way she treated bobby. and ALL OF US could see that that fucking THING was trying to manipulate her by being a fucking STAND-IN FOR HER SON. and jaiden is not stupid or naive, she definitely realized that she was trying to fill this bobby shaped hole in her heart with cucurucho, but she kind of just. let it happen. it was better to use this love on something than let it sit there with nowhere else to go and turn into more grief. yk.

it's kind of canon that jaiden was involved with the federation somehow before arriving on the island. none of us know HOW. also she has wings!!! she's a parrot hybrid which is really cool!!! but we also know that the feds did horrible experiments on other bird people like baghera and quackity and they're messing with phil. THEY HATE BIRDS I GUESS. also she can't fly. she either doesn't remember how to or never learned how in the first place, and that second option has some WILD implications if u think about her mostly unknown past with the feds

OK now it gets kind of complicated bc GUESS WHAT there are multiple cucuruchos. there's one that types All proper and normal, with correct grammar and punctuation, like this. and another one that types KARKAT STYLE IN ALL CAPS AND IS VERY SILLY!!! and the all caps one (i think??) is called osito bimbo by some of the islanders. at some point jaiden was... not rly kidnapped???? but i guess like. recruited by the federation to spend two weeks training osito bimbo because he wasn't a very proper cucurucho. and these two weeks FUCKED HER UP. she got MORE emotionally attached to the cucuruchos. they are some of the only living(?) things she can count on. she is DEEP in the shit now. even after learning about horrible things that one or more of the cucuruchos have done (the cellbit chainsaw torture, the felps kidnapping, etc etc) she kind of brushed that off as like "oh they were just being silly!!!!" like Girl These People Are Traumatized. So Are You. GET HELP. like she's fully aware that the federation is bad, but she separated cucurucho from the federation in her mind so she doesn't have to feel bad about caring for cucurucho. she's really close with people who have been wronged by the feds and/or cucurucho but she just. can't let go of this lifeline. cucurucho is so important to her, just like bobby. she can't give that up.

my beloved grieving mother/flightless bird/federation favourite <3 she is so interesting i'm going to start ripping up floorboards

[godawfulhomestuckships]

puts this in your askbox because i didn't already see it on the blog

Soldave (and bonus!! soldavekat)

if either of these are already in your list i'd LOVE to hear ship names since the only one i've seen for soldave is applebee's and tbh i don't even think soldavekat have any fun ones like that (not from what i've seen anyway LMAO)

Funny I just did a Solkat one so might as well top it off with these two! Already on the list so heres some names :) Soldave:

Doomed Timelines

EDM

Honey infused apple juice

Girl stealers

3D Na'Tee

Soldavekat:

Three assholes walk into a bar

Mage Knight: Ultimate Edition

Guy2 Knight out

ii alway2 2aiid two ii2 better than one

In which I ship both of these with quadrant confused Karkat

[cure-typhoon]

Luis, like 7 and oblivious: (Jejeje i'm SO smart I didnt told him that im actually girl so now he thinks i'm a boy and I can have a cooler name, i'm the Best >:])

Karkat, an 30 year old alien who is also a trans guy and wouldnt have given a fliying fuck either way: (WHAT SHOULD I MAKE FOR DINNER?)

[davejade-daily]

whoa writing its like christmas up in here

or something like that

anyway have the first installment of the coffee shop au

---

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:47.

TT: Dave.

TT: I went to Karkat’s place of work.

TT: That cafe. Suburban Coffee.

TG: yeah yeah

TG: sburban coffee

TG: theres no u for some reason

TG: karkat thinks that the manager ate it or some weird shit like that

TT: And there’s this girl.

TG: oh?

TT: She types so fast. So well. With such purpose.

TG: one might even say hotly

TT: Yes, Dave. She types hotly. I’m currently twirling my hair and swooning from her sheer typing prowess.

TG: whoa so swoon-worthy

TG: better have someone ready to catch you when you faint from her hot as fuck typing

TT: Come with me today. I'll show you how hot her typing is. And, you can provide a cushion from when I inevitably swoon by being in her presence.

TG: alright

TG: sure

TG: cant say no to an opportunity to get caffeine

TG: and bother karkat while were at it

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:58.

The cafe is nestled between several other shops, and it announces itself with a bright green sign. Sburban Coffee, it declares in big, blocky lettering. The outside is painted an unassuming gray-brown to match the rest of its neighbors, and there are colourful flowers in flowerpots clustered by the door. In the window, Dave can make out the shapes of many, many people inside.

The door chimes happily as Dave and Rose walk inside. The strong, strong smell of coffee immediately hits Dave. Inside, the cafe is bustling, and every table has at least one person sitting. The walls are a pretty orange, and there’s a wall with potted plants sitting on shelves. He spots Karkat at the register, looking as depressed and mildly angry as he always does. There is a smiley-face sticker on the register, along with a frowny-face. He notes the crab pin on his apron. Karkat is not the type to accessorize; Dave wonders what is different about the pin. Rose tugs him into line, and Dave begins to scrutinize the menu. He never knows what to get from coffee shops. There’s too many fancy names and words to know, and he usually just defaults to a latte. However, this time he feels like he needs to branch out a bit, try something new and all that jazz.

DAVE: hey rose

DAVE: youre smart

DAVE: whats an americano

DAVE: is it like

DAVE: essence de la america

DAVE: does it taste like eagles and football

DAVE: and FREEDOM

DAVE: its not tea right i dont want to be unpatriotic

DAVE: gotta make ol g washy proud

ROSE: It’s an espresso drink diluted with water.

ROSE: Now shush. Look over there.

ROSE: That's the girl.

Dave subtly looks over in the direction Rose indicates. The person in question has their back to him, but he can see that they’re wearing an emerald sweater and a long skirt. They also have the Lesbian Haircut™. He can see why Rose likes them. Rose pulls him forward again as the line moves up. They are now second in line, and Dave still doesn’t know what he wants. He sticks his hands in his pockets and does the patented Cool Guy Slouch to hide his indecision and decides to look at Karkat instead. He can’t imagine a guy like Karkat working at a coffee shop, yet here he is. Green apron, gray sweater. Dave doesn’t think he’s ever seen Karkat wear anything different. He might be an escaped extra from a cartoon TV show. Dave idly wonders why he’d liked Karkat back in high school. He seems all cool and tough from the outside but he’s really just a big, pathetic nerd with an extra large side of wet-cattiness.

BARISTA: hey, i can take you guys over here!

Dave stops staring awkwardly at Karkat and instead turns his attention to things like moving. He studies the barista at their register as they walk over.

His first impression: oh, she’s cute.

Man, what was that line of thought?? He internally winces. Anyway. Lame thoughts aside, the barista is very put together, at least in comparison to Karkat. Granted, the bar is low. So low, in fact, it could be a speed bump. Her name tag cheerfully declares her name as Jade in loopy green handwriting, along with a plant sticker. Colorful pins flash at him from her apron.

ROSE: Dave.

ROSE: Are you going to order?

Dave blinks, startled out of his thoughts. He decides to go for something smooth, suave, dare he say, even cool?

DAVE: uh yeah

DAVE: hey love

DAVE: shit

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: lovely lady?

Dave begins questioning all his life choices, and contemplates throwing himself out the window. Actually, no, it’s a first floor window. That’d just be embarassing. He might catch fire instead. That’s a better option. One flaming hot Dave, coming right up. It would be better than whatever this train wreck of a conversation is.

Thankfully, the barista – Jade – is far cooler than he is, and just laughs.

JADE: hey yourself, good sir

JADE: what can i get you

DAVE: i was hoping you had a recommendation for me

JADE: uhh, well

Jade turns to look at the board behind her, ponytail swinging. Dave takes this moment to regain his composure, ignoring the look Rose is undoubtedly giving him. The eyebrows are so totally up. He can feel their skeptical vibes. He rearranges his face to that of a distant, aloof expression. What flaming dumpster fire? There is only Dave. Cool Dave. He is so calm and composed. Everybody wants to be him when they grow up. Jade turns back around.

JADE: i think the cinnamon caramel chai is pretty good!!

DAVE: alright ill take that

JADE: your drinks will be ready in a minute

Rose pays, and Dave absconds walks calmly over to an empty table and claims it, taking the seat that puts his back to the register. Totally not because of what jsut happened.. After a moment, Rose slides into the chair opposite him.

ROSE: Dave.

ROSE: What was that?

DAVE: what was what you saw nothing there was no dumpster fire

DAVE: besides youre one to talk miss she types hotly huh huh

DAVE: shut up rose put those eyebrows away or ill shave them off in your sleep

ROSE: Dave, I haven’t seen you this bad since-

DAVE: DONT EVEN SAY IT HES RIGHT THERE

Smooth, Dave. Now everyone in the cafe is looking at you, probably even Karkat. He melts into his chair. Can this get any worse? He looks over at the register, checking to see if their drinks are done. Karkat is looking in their direction, vaguely confused. The poor barista that Dave totally ruined any chances he had with her has disappeared. Maybe she ran for the hills from the total weirdo that she just met. Oh, nope, there she is, shaking a bottle of milk. He pretends to stare off into space, in a cool fashion. Out of the corner of his eye, though, he studies her again. He hadn’t gotten much of a chance to before, as he’d been otherwise occupied. Jade is a fairly tall girl with long, dark hair currently up in a ponytail that swings every time she moves. She has round glasses and a pretty smile. Unlike Karkat, she is wearing a tasteful orange shirt with her apron. He notes that she and Karkat move around each other easily – which surprises Dave – and while he can’t hear their conversation, they appear to be chatting. Karkat doesn’t like most people. Dave considers himself one of the lucky few that get to be Karkat’s friend.

---

Well, that was weird, Jade thinks as she begins making the latest coffee order: a latte with four shots of espresso, with a little dark roast on top. She’s a little worried for the girl who’d just ordered it. She hopes that she isn’t responsible for her inevitable death by sheer amount of caffeine. Reaching around Karkat (who gives her a salty look that she knows holds no real bite) for the pitcher, she begins to fill it with water. Beside her, Karkat shifts, and she knows he’s about to ask her about what just happened.

KARKAT: HEY JADE, WHAT HAPPENED?

Called it. Jade has what she likes to call her “KARKAT SENSE.” She can always tell when he’s going to do something particularly weird, which to be fair is pretty much just Karkat’s natural state.

JADE: with the sunglasses dude?

JADE: poor guy i feel bad for him

JADE: he looked like he might die of embarassment

KARKAT: WHAT’D THAT IDIOT DO?

JADE: oh, do you know him?

She pours the water into the espresso machine and starts it, putting a cup underneath. While she waits, she begins to steam the milk.

KARKAT: UNFORTUNATELY, YEAH.

KARKAT: HE’S A FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

JADE: oh nice!!

JADE: well i think he was trying to be cool or something

JADE: he tried to say [bad dave impression] hey lovely lady

JADE: but he called me love instead

JADE: it was kind of sad

KARKAT: WHAT A FUCKING LOSER. I CANT BELIEVE I WAS EVER INTO HIM.

JADE: wait, really?

JADE: i cant picture you with him

JADE: he doesnt seem like your type

KARKAT: AND HE ISN’T.

KARKAT: I WOULD NEVER DATE SOMEONE SO LAME.

Jade snorts derisively, and begins to pour the steamed milk over the four shots of espresso.

JADE: like youre that much cooler

JADE: just yesterday i watched you rant for about 20 minutes about spilling some milk on your shirt

JADE: youre just as lame!! admit it

KARKAT: OH FUCK YOU.

KARKAT: YOU ARENT COOL EITHER.

JADE: true, but at least i don’t go around pretending i am

KANAYA: Karkat Shes Right

KANAYA: You Would Be So Much Cooler If You Stopped Trying So Hard

KANAYA: Watching You Is A Little Pathetic

KARKAT: I HATE YOU ALL.

Jade just laughs and gives Karkat an affectionate whack on the back as she goes to set the now finished Latte of Death on the pick-up counter. He grumbles and steps on her toes as he moves past her to the register, serving the next undercaffeinated customer.