#when i explicitly DO NOT ask her to shut up. i simply remove myself from the conversation and cry in silence in another room if necessary

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[unknownentry404]

Please. No attacks. No judgement. But all I ask is that you do not buy the game. And if you did, try to return it. And just pirate it instead, if you must play it.

All you gain, is money back. And all we gain is someone else, taking even the smallest of stands.

In an ideal world, no one would play it. But I also understand. And everyone is dealing with this as best they can.

I’ve been dealing with it very weirdly myself this year. I got back into Drarry fiction somehow? And have consumed so much media breaking down the mess that was JKRs writing.

And I’ve found it cathartic, just tearing it all apart and making something new from it. Reading queer reimaginings of her work I know she’d hate.

So I definitely get the appeal to play the game.

Just, if you have to play it, definitely pirate it and. . . please use it as an opportunity to think of us? Think of the genocide that’s being raged against us trans people, in this day, because of people like JKR. As the right try to erases us, through any means necessary. .

You know, I’m personally living in the UK and trying to get my name and marker changed, so the Scottish bill that got shut down by UK government is especially relevant to me. It would not have affected me directly, but damn would it have been beautiful if it did.

So, currently, I’m almost 29 and I’ve had my new name since I chose it in a Pokémon savefile I started in January 2020. Still have the first Cinderace and everything. :’)

It took me a long time to be sure this was the one though: I’ve been coming up with weird little names since I could remember (kinda sus) and always regretted them later. They always felt childish when I looked back on them, and made me feel embarrassed. So I had to sit on this one a while before I’d let even close friends call me it. Let alone fully socially transition.

But it’s been three years now. And I’m sure.

It’s stuck with me now and I no longer can hear my deadname without cringing.

However, problem is, I’ve not got much in the way of “officially” recognised documents, before the very end of 2021. So even though I’ve been internally transitioned for three years, and knew I was trans for even longer, it’s been very tough. Because they require 2+ years from 2 different sources. (Along with 2 gender diagnosis certificates).

And bloody hell, I just want my life to begin, you know? I’m sick of living in this cage.

The Scottish bill would have made it only three months proof, and removed the formal, expensive, time-waiting diagnosis letters to boot. Only good things. Doesn’t mean someone could change their name on a whim, (official documentation is stuff like bills, doctors offices, etc; one does not simply change such things lightly), but that when they do, they are able to.

And JKR, being the powerful person she is, is directly involved in shaping the discourse around trans people here in the UK, which directly influenced the environment that made people rush to block that bill. The first time Britain has used its power to do so, to step in and OVERTURN a Scottish ruling, I believe.

So, just. Remember. I don’t need you to castrate yourselves “for our cause,” I just need you to remember that we are human, hurting, and in the forefront of political discourse for the last few years. We are real, and these actions have real consequences. This isn’t some SJW or whatever bullshit.

Play the game, don’t. All I ask is you don’t put money in her pockets, don’t validate her rethoric, and take this as a moment to celebrate and feel for trans people if you can. To learn. Don’t forget us, or to denounce her, if you do play it.

If the idea of playing the game didn’t make me feel sick to the stomach, I’d be tempted to make a let’s play of it, (explicitly pirated ofc), where I’d just drag JKR’s name and her shitty universe through the dirt while I was at it, (feel free to steal if you can). Entice people in and try and come up with the best way to educate them on Trans matters. And tear down their misconceptions they’ve absorbed from the far rights vile and misinformed rhetoric. . .

But, yeah.

This, life, is not a game. And making a stink in either direction just hurts us.

Again: this is not a game for brownie points. There is no winner here. We, trans people, are already loosing so much.

Much love to my fellow trans people. <3 I believe in you.

Thanks.

[griimhilde-a]

if you know, you know.

———       a response to those who refuse to move on.

EDIT: after some encouragement and realizing that, while i tried to be respectful and private about this situation, i was not given the same treatment, i’ve decided to be upfront and filterless. here is a link to my page of receipts that i did not provide in this post. 

i would like to point out that when i made the DNI, it was buried and sandwiched in my super long rules purposely so that it wasn’t explicitly visible and drawing attention. it was specifically put there for mutuals to understand my boundaries for the new blog, and as soon as i moved blogs, my guidelines underwent heavy reconstruction and the DNI section was removed overall ( i don’t like DNIs for myself ), as well as on this blog. all statements made in the DNI were what i felt to be true and based off of not only my experiences, but others’ as well, backed up with evidence i have saved that i didn’t feel the need to provide because it wasn’t meant to be a big deal, but i also felt i needed to explain why this person was on a DNI and that it wasn’t done out of malicious intent. again, if something sounds bad it is because “bad” things were done and i can’t control that.

reading the call-out had me ( and others ) confused on where it was i had bullied her, when i had her blocked since november, where it was i had manipulated her, and so forth. i’m always wanting to be a better person, so i was extremely confused on where i had done anything wrong. i also didn’t appreciate my new blog url being attached to it as it had nothing to do with it and i was trying to move forward, and it read very much like an attempt to blacklist. despite everything, i never wanted it to be a spectacle. the pinned, public call-out by this person doesn’t read to me as someone wanting to move on, but wanting to drag things further. this is not a call-out post, this is me defending myself. i will not name drop. if you know who this is about, i ask you just read this to understand the full story. 

this is going to be a long boi ( i really tried to keep it short but alkfjdklfksldf nope ). i would also like to apologize for any dryness here, but i am aiming to just state facts as they are. it feels    ----    ridiculous writing this all out because it’s something that could and should have been handled privately. but, here we go !!

everything on the DNI is true. i will not post or reveal the sources because one, they are not my stories to tell, and two, i am not going to give her the excuse to bother them. they deserve to be safe, and i am walking proof of what happens when you speak out against someone like her. if i have to bear that burden, then so be it. 

it stopped being about “just a url” a long time ago. it became more about how i was treated in that interaction, and how i was continued to be treated afterwards. not to mention the increasing tension within the rpc and having to second-guess whether or not i was truly wanted. it was about how it was affecting those around me, my time in a hobby i love, and my mental health. the amount of times a mutual has tagged me by accident when they meant to tag her is insane. it most definitely did not feel good !!! if that kept happening, it was a problem. i also had to shut off the anon feature because of the amount of anons i was receiving. some had good intentions, but others had resorted to hate. 

regarding the messages on discord --- i stand by them. i thought if you were friends with someone on discord and have previously talked over time, it was okay to message, otherwise what was the point of discord? i didn't realize it would make her uncomfortable to do so, and i’m more careful about how i approach people now !!! 

regarding the messages: there was no change in tone other than that i grew exhausted and extremely anxious ( shaking !!! palms sweaty !!! knees weak !!!! mom’s spaghetti !!! ) and wasn’t in the proper mindset to sound happy while i was being invalidated to my face. i have even apologized there if i came off as mean. i don’t “present myself” in a way. that’s just how i talk, i prefer communicating one-on-one and i try to alleviate tension that arises no matter what because these types of conversations aren’t always a walk in the park. i wanted things to be good and not stressful for all parties involved. i’m sorry my tone came off as insincere. after being in desc rpc for a year, i was a little surprised seeing a near-identical url so i think it was fair for me to message her about it. she made the decision use it, and i was allowed to react. it was said misspellings in urls made her anxious so i wanted to help and i was shot down and vilified, essentially told i made her feel unsafe and shouldn’t have messaged. if it wasn’t okay to claim i felt “unsafe” and “paranoid”, why was it okay for her to claim the same based on a choice she made herself, but not me to feel anxious about those choices? 

i have never told a blog to block her. i have never initiated conversation about her, nor have i spoken negatively about her as a person. ever. i have, in fact, even stated that i didn’t want anyone blocking and that it would be okay to interact. here’s one example after i was approached about her. i cannot control what other people do.

hardblocking her on my end was to avoid seeing her on dash as much as possible. 

i am allowed to softblock / unfollow people who interact with her after months of trying to be okay with it. what kickstarted this process was someone i thought was a close friend had dropped me and suddenly i realized i didn’t need to sacrifice my comfort for the sake of keeping a mutual. if they could do it, so could i. while i adore the descendants rpc, the rpc is not a family, we’re not obligated to interact IC or be mutuals with every single person in the rpc. it’s not causing a rift when we don’t interact on dash. i have even emphasized that i would love to stay in contact via discord and write there if possible !! why am i being vilified for trying to make my blog a safe space for me?

regarding the “vagues”: they were all responses. a mutual wrote the post, i reblogged it, my tags were in response to the post ( said mutual’s url wasn’t even blocked out so ... ). if it felt like a vague, i can’t control that. the meaning behind the url post was circulating on dash, i didn’t see any vaguing in it other than me recounting my process of choosing this url, which was true ( was i not allowed to participate?? ). the shrek meme was in response to a public dash event ( which i originally thought was a joke ) that had received copious amounts of criticism for. it wasn’t a vague and it was explicit on what it was referring to, it was meant to be silly dash commentary, nothing deep. 

this is in my rules but i have explicitly stated that my headcanons about my characters are not a vague if they differ from yours. the talk about hair styles was actually initiated in a conversation with my friends in private. it had absolutely nothing to do with her. if it sounded like a drag, i encourage everyone to look at how i’ve “dragged” many other things including the original outfits for descendants, evie thinking mermaid dresses are ugly, evie not liking wine, and so forth. my portrayal of evie =/= other portrayals of evie. while she may never do so-and-so, it doesn’t make it wrong for another portrayal to do it. ( why was my blog being kept tabs on and compared with, in the first place? that’s not duplicate friendly ).

regarding sex week: i've stated it was an inappropriate event because the descendants rpc had been heavily criticized for smutting and felt it wasn't the best response, nor was it the best way to promote sex positivity. it was insanely uncomfortable to witness, as someone in this rpc. it doesn’t matter if the people or the muses involved were adults, i would still call it inappropriate had it happened in any other rpc. it wasn’t a “block and move on” situation. i’m also allowed to defend myself because i didn’t want to be associated with something she posted. i didn’t want it tied to my url. i would like to clarify that when i said "embarrassing" in the responses under that anon, it was directed at the anon for misreading the url, nobody else. ostracizing occurred when the descendants rpc was being added to DNIs because of sex week / smutting, which was posted by this person ( if you post it, you start it. simple ). i had been blocked simply because i am a descendants blog and that had never happened before. 

i was also notified that people uninvolved with this have been namedropping me on dash in an attempt to have me “written off” ( their words, not mine ) because my rules stated that i was open to exploring evie’s sexuality. below is a screenshot of my rule regarding smut. i deleted the rules page from this blog when i moved so i snatched it from my other canon descendants blog that i reuse on all blogs. the second is my elaboration on sexual content in my new evie rules. the third is what’s on my google doc, a condensed version of my rules. there is a major difference between smutting and posting a public dash event dedicated to sex versus being open to explore sexuality as a topic. they are not the same. also, me not choosing to smut does not dictate my opinion on smut, so do not make assumptions about that either. if you want to move on, why are you still talking about me on dash, especially when unprompted? if you just want to move on, why are you upset that i’m not “written off”?

this person has vagued me multiple times ( which they conveniently did not show in the call-out ), this person has been shown to talk badly of me in private ( and now, publicly as well )    ----    all of which i have not done. i have screenshots sent by others to show for it, but do not feel it’s relevant to share because this is not about her. this is just about defending myself. 

i have spent three months apologizing for feeling things, apologizing for reacting, apologizing for things i should not have been apologizing for. i have spent so long accepting blame because i felt it would help. i’m done doing that. i know what i did and what i didn’t do. people know what i did and didn’t do.

all in all, i am confused on why a call-out was made when the content provides nothing other than catty remarks meant to air out personal drama. the messages exchanged only show how i tried to remedy things. the screenshots of my “vagues” were just responses, and most of which had nothing to do with this person. my initial silly dash commentary and later discomfort over a sexual dash event posted by this person is not a vague. 

if you ( referring to maker of the call-out and others who partook ) are upset about people not talking about me in regards to the “rest of the call-out”, maybe consider the fact that there was nothing about me in it that warranted a call-out in the first place. people saw that i did nothing wrong. the only thing of substance in the call-out was something the maker themselves did : the public, sexual dash event. people are allowed to identify that as a more prominent issue as opposed to how my messages or public posts could be perceived through basic, biased narrative manipulation.

me deciding to unfollow / softblock blogs that interact with this person =/= involving the descendants rpc or making it public. i am allowed to softblock whoever i want to cultivate my dash experience. most people i know have it in their rules that they are okay with people softblocking for their comfort and that it won’t be taken personally. you know what IS making it public and involving the entire descendants rpc? this person messaging a descendants server and name dropping me in the server, reducing the situation to just being about a “url” and publicly announcing it in the server. here are the facts to consider: her message was sent jan. 21. my DNI went up feb 2. 

so, regarding the call-out: there was no bullying, no manipulation, no harassment, no gaslighting, nothing from my end, and the call-out shows precisely that the claims are just that: claims. whatever was felt is valid, but feelings =/= gravity of the actual action itself - the most common thing pointed out in therapy: feelings are valid, but are they justified? call-outs should be reserved for people who cause actual harm, not because someone wants an excuse to blacklist. if i am a “bully” for unfollowing blogs for my own comfort, then i think the rpc really needs to reevaluate what these terms mean because the misuse is harmful. 

here are the things i did do: treated everyone i talked to with respect. approached things civilly. communicated. tried to accommodate for others. attempted to make a safe space for myself. did not involve the entire rpc by announcing it in a server. did not make a call-out post nor pin it. did not continue to name drop afterwards despite claiming to want to move on.

this entire situation is absurd and should have never been public, much less made a call-out for !! while this was meant to defend myself and state facts, i understand it may not change minds. a friend has told me that people will hate me because they want to hate me, no matter what. and i can’t do anything about that !! all i have to say is that holding hate in your heart never ends well. i hope everyone can find peace at some point.

so please, let me move on. let me write with my friends. let me unfollow / softblock people to keep my dash comfortable. let me take a break from descendants while also having the choice to return at anytime. please stop talking about me when i’m not even giving this another thought and haven’t since i moved blogs. please stop name dropping. stop keeping tabs on me, stop stalking my new blog. please leave me alone. i hold absolutely nothing against anyone i may have softblocked / unfollowed or am not currently interacting with on my new blog. my IMS / discord is always available, you will not be violating my safety by messaging me, everyone is welcome, but i also understand if you feel the need to separate yourself !!! as for those of you who have interacted with the call-out post, i wish you the best but i hope you understand why i do not want to interact with you by any means in the future. 

i’m hoping this post lays everything to rest, seeing as my first one did not. honestly, what are you trying to prove if you still have to post about this? it helps nobody. this back-and-forth is exhausting and unneeded. no more. let’s be better people, yeah?

i hope everyone takes care of themselves, i hope you all have a great day / night !!! thank you for reading this long boi !!

[devilrising]

Fallen Draco, Pt. 20

This story is following a prompt set by @mymindsmadness

Summary: AU where Draco is a fallen angel, and the way he gets his wings back is by guiding Harry in defeating Voldemort, but it all goes wrong when Dracon starts fallin in love with Harry

Word Count (Part 20): 2,860

Word Count (Total): 63,535

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Mentions of abuse/torture (non-graphic), war preparations

***

1st May, 1998

It’s the first day of May, a Friday. The day before the second of May. The day before the Battle. I shake in my seat, worry overtaking every other thought. The book I was trying to lose myself in sits open, up against my chest—unread. Harry isn’t here; he’s gone to help Ron with preparing the troops. Hermione is out researching something that I don’t have clearance to know about, and I’m all alone in Grimmauld Place except for Mother. It’s terrifying. At the start of the year, I was still being held in the Manor. Still being tortured. Still being manipulated into helping two psychopaths win a war I wanted no part in. I shudder, not even trying to stop it. I’m scared. There’s no denying it. Tomorrow, I will be going into battle. I will be going up against my oppressor and my father. I might even have to be the one to kill them.

Gulping and trying to take deep breaths, I stand up from my armchair. The drawing room is warm and cozy, but it gives me no comfort today. I might be down to my last twenty four hours, and I’m wasting away in an empty house. I want Harry. I need to know that he’s okay. But I can’t. I can’t do anything to disturb him. Not now, not when we’re so close to the final battle. I’ll have to settle for Mother. She’s still in the house somewhere, and she will be able to distract me. Hopefully. It’s quite possible that nothing will help me feel anything other than panic, but it’s worth a try. I’d try anything to feel normal for even an hour.

I all but run from the drawing room, calling out for Mother. There’s no reply. Terror grips my heart like an icy fist. What if something’s happened again? My face pales at the sheer thought, and I rush through spells in my mind. I remember an altered Four-Point Charm, so that instead of pointing north my wand would point to a person or place of my choosing. Whipping my wand out of my sleeve, I whisper the incantation. If someone has broken in, silence is crucial. My wand vibrates in my hand and then twists slightly so the tip is turned down and to my right. The kitchen. Sighing in relief, I make my way down the stairs and into the basement kitchen.

“Draco dear!” Mother cries when she sees me. “How are you darling?”

I smile through my mess of emotions and pull her into a hug. “Not so good, Mother.”

Her face creases, her arms straightening to hold me out from her body. “How come, Draco? Surely you know everything will work out as it should.”

“No, Mother, I don’t. Because there is a very strong chance that I’ll di-” I pause, the words getting stuck in my throat. “That I’ll die, tomorrow.”

Mother shakes her head. “Don’t say that dear! Harry will work it out and he will win.”

I sigh. “I can’t be sure, Mother. Anything could go wrong, and Lucius and his Lord could win.”

Mother exhales through her nose before pulling me back to her. “I know,” she murmurs into my hairline. “I know that. I just- I don’t waynt to think about it until I have to.”

“You mean until it’s too late? You won’t be able to think about it if you’re dead.”

“Draco! Don’t speak like that!”

I worm myself out of her embrace. “I have to. If I think about it now, it won’t seem as bad if it comes true.”

Mother just stares at me, like I’m something from another dimension.

“What’s going on here?” Harry’s voice fills the room, echoing off the stone walls. Mother takes a step backwards, putting more distance between us.

“Just talking about trivial things. Nonsense, you know?” I don’t think Harry buys my excuse, but he walks up to me and slings his arms around my waist and buries his head in my hair.

“You know,” he says after a moment of intense silence. “I’ve been thinking about you, Narcissa.”

“Oh?” She raises an immaculate eyebrow into a neat arch. I wonder if Harry now knows where I learnt how to do it.

“Yes,” he hums into my head. He pulls away after planting a kiss there, keeping his arms around my waist but loosening his grip a bit. I miss the warm tightness. “I’m going to take you somewhere.”

Mother tilts her head to the side, trying to work out what Harry’s saying. “And where would that place be?”

Harry blanches. “I’m afraid I can’t say.”

“Then why would I go with you?”

“It’s for your protection.” Harry trails his hands from my stomach around to my back and removes them. I unconsciously shift backwards to be back in his embrace, but he nudges me forward. “All I can say is that it’s a safe house under many enchantments and wards. You would be absolutely safe there.”

“What if someone were to find it? Would I be at risk then?” Mother is still trying to work as much information from Harry as possible.

Harry sighs, knowing this game all too well. “It is possible, but trust me when I say that it is crawling with wards and that you can’t be tracked to it.”

“It’s under a Fidelius Charm, isn’t it?”

Harry scrubs a hand over his face. “Yes, it is.”

“And you’re Secret Keeper.”

It’s not a question. Harry nods.

“Very well, then. Just let me pack a bag.” She doesn’t wait for an answer, instead turning away and leaving the kitchen.

“That went well,” I say sarcastically as I turn to face Harry.

He shrugs. “It didn’t go badly. She’s still going to the safe house.”

“Where is the safe house?” I ask.

“I’m afraid I can’t say. The less people who know it’s location, the better.” His eyes look haunted, like he’s lost in memories or thoughts.

I swallow. “Probably a good idea.”

Harry nods absently before pulling me in to him. He wraps his arms strongly around my shoulders, not wanting to let go. He murmurs something into my hair again, but this time I don’t hear what it is. I don’t reply, just worm myself deeper into his embrace.

***

“So this is the place?”

Harry nods, answering Mother’s question—which was asked the second after landing from the Apparition—while simultaneously gesturing to an empty space between the trees. The safe house is in the middle of a forest, hidden deep inside. Apparently, it’s right ahead of us, but I can’t see anything at all in the clearing. The forest is dark and gloomy, but somehow still very beautiful. The air is crisp and clean, unpolluted from magic and Muggle gases as it is.

“I can’t see it,” I tell Harry as I walk up to his side.

He grins in return, seemingly delighted by my confusion. “That’s because it’s hidden, remember? It’s under a Fidelius Charm, so unless I explicitly tell you the address or show you, you can’t see it.” His emerald eyes light up in excitement, but beyond the surface there seems to be something else there. Something darker.

Mother pushes forward in front of us, walking steadily into the clearing. She pauses, before continuing all the way through the middle. When she hits the tree line, she turns around with her hands on her hips and addresses Harry.

“And you’re positive there’s a house here?”

Harry smirks. It looks very good on him. “One hundred percent sure.”

He gestures for Mother to come back, and she paces through the clearing again. Harry reaches a hand out for her’s, and she takes it after only a second’s hesitation. Instead of asking for mine, he simply wraps an arm around the front of my shoulders and holds me to his chest. He’s warm and comfortable, solid against my back.

“If I walk you across the edge of the charm, the house will come into view.” Harry squeezes me before releasing my shoulders. He grabs for my hand, and I clasp his fingers strongly. He takes a step forward, Mother and I following him.

His grip tightens around my hand, and he pulls me closer. I’m nearly pressed against his back, and my thoughts go blank for a second. We take another step forward, and the feel of complex magic whooshes over me. A house immediately comes into view, almost like turning a corner and having it appear all at once. It’s a little cottage, covered in ivy and built from wood. It could almost be called a cabin, but it isn’t made from logs, just sheets of wood. Mother gasps, eyes running over the cottage.

“That’s amazing…” She sounds stunned, like she’s never seen magic this strong. It’s probably true.

Harry rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed at the proclamation. “It’s all yours until the war is over.”

Mother chews the inside of her cheek. “What if someone somehow finds it and gets through? Should I set up other wards?”

“No need,” Harry reassures. “It’s absolutely coated in them already. Nothing will get through, it’s basically impenetrable.”

Mother nods. “Okay then.” She makes no move to walk any closer though, choosing to run her eyes over it and its surroundings. The forest is really quite pretty.

“Come on then.” Harry tugs at my arm and I fall into step next to him. Mother walks ahead of us, pacing up to the front door.

When Harry and I cross the landing, Mother makes to turn the handle. Harry blanches and rushes to stop her. Sheepish, he places his hand flat against the wood of the door. The outline of his skin starts glowing, and his hand sinks into the wood. There’s an audible click, and the door falls open. My mouth gapes open, and I force it shut. It’s very un-Malfoyish to stand with your mouth hanging open. Without another word, Harry gestures for Mother to enter. He pulls me along after him, and I give in to the random temptation to kiss the back of his neck. Harry’s breath catches in his throat, and I grin against his skin.

“If I leave the cottage, would I be able to get in again without your hand?”

Harry shakes his head. “No, and I don’t suggest you try it.”

Mother nods and looks around the building.

The cottage is quite small overall, but Mother shouldn’t need it for too long. That is, not if we win. If we lose… well that isn’t worth thinking about. The first room is a quaint living area. It’s in all neutral colours, with greys and soft browns. Mother looks thoughtful, and I know she’s going to try to change the colours of everything. Harry does too, but aside from the slight tick in his neck, he doesn’t show any sign of annoyance. It is a safe house after all, not a holiday house.

The rest of the cottage is similar, nothing special but very safe. It is filled with little traps and tricks, and Harry explains all of them and then writes down a list to give to Mother. Time passes quickly, and now I have to say goodbye to her. I might not ever see her again. I could die tomorrow. There’s so much I could tell her about, but I don’t. I just pull her into an embrace and tell her I love her. There’s no use spilling my guts to her when she could be dead tomorrow too. Feeling melancholy all over again, Harry and I leave the cottage. Harry predicts my falling apart accurately, and as soon as the door is closed he scoops me up. He whispers nonsense into my ear, and I push my face into the curve of his neck. My eyes close with the squeeze of Apparition.

***

“It’s kind of ironic, putting your mother into a safe house like this.”

“What do you mean?” I ask Harry as we set up the training grounds.

Harry sighs. “In the First War with Voldemort, my mother and father were put into a safe house, under the same charm too. They were only discovered since one of their friends betrayed them and sold them out to him. That’s why no one but me is the Secret Keeper, and why the door can only be opened by my hand.”

I pause. “That’s awful Harry.” To think his parents were given away like that…

Harry nods his head, hair falling into his eyes. “Yeah. In Third Year, when Sirius Black had escaped Azkaban and came looking for me, that’s when I learned the truth. Everyone thought Sirius had sold them out, but really it was Peter Pettigrew.” Harry sighs. “He was hiding as Ron’s rat.”

I feel my eyes widen. “That’s why I never saw it again!”

Harry’s eyebrows raise. “You knew about Ron’s rat?”

I blush, feeling my skin heat. “Well, with all the attention I paid you to torment you and them, I noticed quite a bit.” I feel bad. Like I’ve awoken a memory we haven’t really talked about. Sure, we know there’s history between us. But I bullied him and his friends for six years. I look out across the extended lawn, thinking about how it will look when we’ve finished setting up the equipment, and trying to force that train of thought out of my mind.

Harry’s hand moves to rest on my shoulder, fingers rubbing circles into my skin gently. “I probably paid more attention to you though. Besides, you’ve really changed since then. This time last year you were caught in a trap with no way out, and the year before you were just a git. You may have been nasty and arrogant for a while, but it wasn’t you. It was a shield.”

Tears swim to the surface of my eyes, and I blink to dispel them. “How is it you can read me so well? I didn’t say a word about that.”

“No,” Harry agrees. “But your eyes change colour slightly, and just then they were darker than usual, cloudier. That only happens when you’re deep in negative thoughts.”

Without another word, Harry squeezes my shoulder and gets back to work. Grimmauld Place is going to be used as a training ground tonight. Hundreds of people willing to fight will crowd in, and prepare for the battle tomorrow morning. Once dawn sets in, everyone will be given potions and charms for pain or tiredness, and then we’ll set off for the Ministry. To our likely deaths. Swallowing, I turn and lose myself in assembling equipment. That’s the worst part about this, really. Boxes and boxes of random training gear that all need to be put together. Harry knows how to do this better than I do, but it will still take us hours to set it all up. Groaning to myself, I plant a kiss on Harry’s lips and bend forward to begin unpacking again.

After hours have passed and sweat has soaked through my shirt, the extended grass is finally covered in equipment. Harry looks around grinning, excited to have helped in some way. He turns and finds me watching him, and walks over. Without a word, he wraps me in a hug and pulls me close. He presses his lips to my forehead, and I tilt my head to bring our lips together. Harry all but groans, tightening his hold around my neck. I bring my hands down around his waist, leaning down so our height difference isn’t as great. The kiss turns needy, desperate. He winds his fingers into my hair, and I clutch at his shirt. Our tongues slide against each other, and Harry draws mine into his mouth so he can suck on it. Moaning, I give myself over to his mouth.

It’s nice, indulging in this when we probably won’t make it out tomorrow. There shouldn’t be any room for regrets, for worries or fears. The world as we know it will end tomorrow, regardless of who wins. Everything will change. Even so, I don’t want to go any further just yet. I don’t pull away though, instead choosing to slowly bring the kiss away from a heavy snog and back to light kisses. Harry loosens his grip slightly, but his hands stay in my hair. Eventually, he gasps into my mouth and pulls away.

“That was amazing,” he grunts.

“Yeah.”

Silence fills the small gap between us as we stare at each other. Harry’s eyes are blown wide with lust, and my heart beats faster knowing it’s for me.

“Sorry,” I say. “That I don’t want to go any further right now.”

Harry instantly snaps to attention. “That is perfectly fine Draco. Relationships don’t have to be sex driven to still be nice.”

“But are you really okay with that?”

“Of course I am! We aren’t even eighteen yet Dray, there’s still plenty of time.”

I don’t say anything, and his face falls. We’re both thinking the same thing. We might not have any time left at all.

***

A/N: I can’t believe this fic has made it to 20 chapters. It’s wild to me. It also the same word count now as Conflicted (my first ever fanfic), and it’s not even finished yet. Wow. Sorry this chapter is kinda short, I just have a great plan for the next one and I can’t start it in this chapter. Anyway, have a good week! Xx

Masterlist — Previous Part — Next Part

@draconianhorntail @p3trovass @cowboy-simp @queeneyart @ohheavenlylord @h0pehauntedmyw0rld @unsolicted-chick-picks @itsclayclay @harrybpoetry @slash-slut @jianing2603 @magical-fairy-princess-stuff @give-me-the-queer @youmakeprettybeautiful @hello-i-am-moi @slytherclaw134689 @sinnysin-sin @lafilleetlechatnoir @absolutetrashcan @irrelevantdrarry @glo-up-goddess @birdy1032 @d-addict @pizzasandwich72 @madison-is-a-small-baby @joshoriande @sugarhoneyice-t @imaginemymemories @shipperofalltheships @uniiicornen @thewanderingnomadsworld @randominternetloser @levi7755 @atnightxidream @biyaaaaaaaaaa @just-some-bibliophile @pizzabitch @champagnemonarch

[webbedtoeddoll]

Six Figures

This is my book. I decided to post it here because why not. If you’re interested please read the first chapter and let me know what you think :) 

Chapter 1: Felix Cadbere The frosty wind  winter thrashed across my face. I dragged my legs through the knee deep snow seeing as I was stranded in the middle of a clearing in the Nexiège woods. Nexiège, A land of beauty but full of danger at every turn and traps you couldn’t even imagine. The land is cursed from a forsaken witch who rules over the land. A malevolent, malicious monster who roamed the earth long before she created Nexiège. The wind was pounding against my face as I walked on, making the scars on my face tingle from the falling snowflakes. I grasped the clear crystal pendant that hung on an old leather string around my neck. It fit perfectly in my hand, either intentional or by rubbing it so frequently. The smooth, silver surface of the crystal slided simply over my fingers giving me a sense of security. Suddenly, I hear a rustling from all of the bushes of my surroundings. I scanned the area. The leaves swayed back and forth from the slight breeze passing by. I hear the rustling again. I had put my hand on my gun that I keep tucked securely in my trench coat. I felt the point of something digging into my ribs. A smile slipped onto my face as I turned around with my gun in my hands, and my finger on the trigger ready to fire at any moment. I turn to Mister goody-2-spells himself; Felix Cadbere. 

Like always, the young wizard had let his curly dirty blonde hair freely, spring wherever it wished. His cheeks were rosy from the crisp snowy air making his dark blue eyes shine brighter, in the faint sunlight. The intelligence and tranquility in clear to any witness. His dark gray coat was old and possibly from another generation. Under his coat, he wore his usual uniform: a tucked in, button down white shirt and black dress pants. His wand pointed in the general direction of my gut, whilst my gun was aimed at the center of his forehead. His wheezed breathing came out in white puffs as if he were a dragon in the chilly winter air. “Look, Liberty come back to the commuting house and we can help you with your…uh, issue.” Felix declares, still striving for air. I smirked, “The only reason you want me to stop with this so called ‘issue’ is so you can keep the descendents of Merlin going.” I replied sarcastically. I keep my grasp firmly on my pendant. The ‘issue’ Felix was talking about was my pendant. He thought my blessing was a curse. Felix grimaced and brought out a piece of chocolate from his coat pocket. He took a deep breath as if he was going to comment. But I sensed that that would be a long winded speech. Avoiding that speech, I did something that would shock him. I lean over and clutch my teeth over the chocolate. The bewildered expression on his face was nearly, enough for me to let go. “Are you going to take it or are you going to let me have it back?” he asked as he exchanged his bewildered look for a smile. I rolled my eyes back at him, and slipped the chocolate from his glove and into my mouth. I smirked back at Felix putting my gun down. Felix pulled his wand down placing it back into his coat pocket.  “Now…” I uttered with my mouth full of chocolate. “What do you want?”      I tried not to drop any chocolate from my lips. Felix grinned before continuing.  “I am here as a friend and I say this with the adoration and approbation I have for you; I hope you realize that you are going to get yourself killed before the end of this week.”  “That’s part of the adventure.” I announced scoffing at his claims. Comments like those made me doubt that he was ever my friend. Felix sighed placing both of his hands on his hips, “You are something aren’t you?”  I shrugged.  “That’s the way I am, any other comments?” I asked taking my hands off my gun along with my pendant. I then put both hands on my hips.  “Yes. You should stop this ‘adventure’ of yours and come back with me.” Felix warned as he crossed his arms. His facial expression explicitly displayed his serious tone, but his eyes danced with desperation and hope that I would accept his proposal.  “Why?” I posed smirking, I liked messing with him.  “Well, to survive, and in my professional opinion, you should get out of here and lose your pendent.” Felix reasoned, his dirty blonde hair blew in the crisp frost atmosphere.”Besides, the commuting house isn’t all that bad.”  I growled.  “Look, wise guy…” I began but Felix interrupted me by holding up his hand.  “Please, don’t start with me.” Felix warned softly,  he sighed “Liberty, I don’t want to see you get hurt. All I came to do was warn you, and that’s all. I’m not going to drag you off by your legs- even though that’s one of the best ideas I’ve had in a long time. But that’s not the point…”  While Felix rambled on into inaudible mumbling, I had clutched my pendent once again. The smooth surface softed my annoyance at the young wizard’s insistent commands to the return to the hell he calls home. Just then I heard a branch snap and rustling in the bushes. The leaves sounded as if they were being frantically wrestled in someone’s swift scatter tactic.   “Shut up.” I interrupted, clamping my free hand in Felix’s face and lift up my ear to listen.  “What are you-“Felix began, I shushed him and keep my ear raised. “Witch.” I whispered grabbing my gun and scanning the area. I heard the rustling again, I press my lips together and scanned the area again. Felix sighed,  “See! This is what I mean! For all we know it could be a rabbit or something!” he protested. I rolled my eyes, did he not understand the unfair rules Nexiège plays by?  “Shouldn’t you be at Hogwarts?” I questioned sarcastically, not looking up. “You know that’s just a myth…” Felix sighed rubbing his forehead, he began to walk away muttering pure nonsense. I tilted my head hearing Felix shuffle through the snow. Coward, running back home to his  I straighten up and looked at him; he turned his back at me.  “And just one more thing…” he stated clearly still a tad irritated. I smiled, I had won my battle.  “What?” I asked.  “That innocent maiden act isn’t quite your strong suit.” Felix grinned before snapping his fingers and with that he was gone.  I rolled my eyes and sighed; little did he know how bewitching he was, regardless of how obnoxious as he could be. My thoughts shot back to reality once I heard the rustling again. I held up my gun and inspected the area.  “Show yourself!” I called. I gasped at the sight of her. She was sickeningly skinny, her hair was a murky dark green, long tendrils of hair falling in her face as greasy as olive oil and was standing in front of me. Her long sleeved black dress, had snowflakes stuck to the elongated empire skirt she wore along with a cowl neckline. Morgana; is the leader and queen of Nexiège. She is manipulative, an absolute terror and a huge nuisance. Not to mention a huge pain the in ass. I grimaced at the sight of her. “Hello, my dear it’s wonderful to see you again.” The woman remarked in a deep, cooling, terrifying voice. I felt a shiver run down my back. I scowled.  “What do you want, Morgana?”  I stated coldly. Morgana smirked as her fingers fiddled with the dead ends of her hair.   “I’m glad you’re doing well.”  she smoothed down her black skirt, removing all the snowflakes clinging on the black fabric preventing them from falling to their doom down on the cold pile of their fellow deceased, and walked over to me. She skimmed her fingers over the ends of my hair, I snatch away quickly.  “What do you want?”  I repeated spectrally, as I aimed toward her.   “My dear, you jump to conclusions very quickly. If I did want something of yours, I would have it already.” Morgana sighed as she began to walk back to where she was standing. I clutched my crystal and held it tight as if it were being yanked out of my grasp.  “Yeah, right.” I spatted, caressing the jewel between my fingers.  Moregona sighed, “Very well…I guess you’re in no mood to talk then.” I took my shot and fired at her skull, but Morgana quickly countered it with a wave of her hand using a reflecting spell. She pointed her finger at me and a ray of black and white swirl together hurling it towards me.  I lunged myself out of the way as the enchantment hit a nearby bush and corroded it rapidly. I raise an eyebrow glancing at it. I swung my head back to Moregona. “Don’t worry dear; it won’t have quite the same result on you.” Her voice turned murky, while she responded to my questioning face. I scowled and aimed my gun at her, she zapped it out of my hands, before I could have a chance to pull the trigger, leaving a deep cut. I ignored the pain and growled at her.   She zapped the same ‘hex’ again and I tossed myself in the opposite direction. I landed on my feet with my hair blinding my view. I flipped my silky hair away. I reached into my coat and pulled out one of the knives I always kept in the inside. I sliced it into the air as a warning, she smirked and refuses the admonition. She emitted a new spell, a burgundy beam of lightning came hurdling toward me. I flipped my dagger to its blade and reflected the spell back to Moregona. She dodged it and casted the ray of black and white again. I skidded under the ray and heaved the knife at her.  She threw her hands up and a cloud of grey smoke swirls around her and she vanishes, leaving the knife to skiver into the tree behind her. Damnit, I hated it when she does that. The wind blew lightly on my face, once her clouds of grey vanish, I took a moment to catch my breath. I glanced around at the clearing where I sat; trees towering over me, surrounded me and the untouched snow that used to glisten, now seemed to be tattered and decrepit with footprints.     Once I deem the area safe to continue, I sighed and I pulled myself up from the snow. My head pounded with a nagging pain. I groaned rubbing my head soon I felt a knot on the back of it. I didn’t remember hitting my head or being hit with anything…at least I thought. Oh well, nothing I wouldn’t be able to ignore over time. I shrugged my shoulders and stumbled over to where my gun had been tossed aside. With a swift swish, I grabbed my gun and continued to the tree that my knife’s blade had been thrusted into. Yanking it out, I shoved it back into my trench coat then began walking again. My vision clouded and darkens. I stumbled, and soon became unable to see what is before me. I dropped to the ground panting, but I tow myself back up. I began flashing back and forth from darkness to reality. My eyesight grews dizzy and I soon fall to my knees. My eyesight gave out for what only felt like a second. To my surprise, once my eyesight returned, I  found a pack of Esurae prowling toward me with each a set of furious vibrant orange eyes staring at me and each a set of jagged teeth threatening me. These hungry savages stand on two limping legs, as if they were mimicking zombies. Their arms were curled around their thick white furry bodies as if they were in a straight jacket.  They are constantly hungry and hunt creatures that are practically dead. The fact they were coming after me was not a good sign. I attempted to stand back up, once I got back up onto my knees, blackness surrounded me and became my new reality for a mere forever. The blackness died eventually and I returned to the real world to find the Esurae replacing their anger filled eyes with small whimpers of terror. I had shut down once more only to wake up and  find a familiar face looking down at me sighing. “I warned you…” Then, it had disappeared as I lose consciousness yet again.

END OF CHAPTER ONE.    

[carterhaughs]

i'm so sorry about that person unfollowing you. but i love tulip and cassidy too. especially since it seems like they're going in a different direction than the comics. he genuinely cares about and for her, he takes her feelings into consideration, but he's also fighting for her to see that he is valid in his ideas (tbh i think that comes more from him worrying that he's not as good or useful as the other two). I think they're such an interesting pair in their dynamic.

:( Me too. It could also be that whenever this show is on I never shut the fuck up about it, but somehow I doubt that’s the reason as they like it too. Please feel free to come to discuss the two of them and the show as a whole with me whenever you like, on or off anon - I love discussing every aspect of this show, which is why I run a podcast about it!

I have massive character-specific issues with the source material, some of which I discuss in brief in the post and related links here, aside from the three main characters being mostly flat and two-dimensional besides Cassidy, whose characterization comes with its own specific set of issues as I discussed in there. 

I first read the comic when I read that Ruth Negga had been cast in a show about it. I’d seen it around and liked a lot of other stuff printed under the same imprint - Vertigo - like The Sandman, Y: The Last Man, etc. I hoped that the show would give her a female character with more dimension to play, and boy did it ever deliver. Similarly, the show made Jesse fascinating and layered and I absolutely adore him (I discuss a lot of his complexity in the meta linked here), when I only really cared about him in the context of his friendship with Cassidy in the comics. 

And then there’s Cassidy - some of his issues are still there (as they should be - like all three of the main characters, part of what makes him so emotionally resonant is the way in which he is forced to overcome his darker impulses but also weaponize them) but I think they’ll have removed the physically abusive part of his plotline and very specificially reconfigured his entire plotline with Tulip (even last year the showrunners said that they were doing this on purpose and that this is the more “adult, realistic version of how it would go”). That is becoming more and more evident all the time, as up to this point, his love for her has been irrepressible but entirely unselfish - he asks for nothing in return and simply wants to clear the air with Jesse and move on (which Cassidy never wanted to do if he could avoid it in the comics, at least not for the same reasons), even if it means they’re never together. Her happiness is the most important thing to him and he deeply cares about Jesse as well. He loves them both, even if that means subtracting himself from the equation. He’s also a sager character overall and seems less like Jesse’s bad news younger brother (which is the role he assumed himself in the comics, casting Jesse explicitly as his older brother), and more like his fuckup older brother who is occasionally wiser than one might expect. Cassidy gets people and is a connoisseur of them - it’s the one thing he’s perfected in his century of life. Cassidy in the comics, while interesting in his own right, definitely didn’t have that kind of wisdom. 

And then there’s how the actors themselves talk about the relationship - it’s discussed as nothing but positive by both Joe and Ruth, and very eloquently so. In Ruth’s words specifically, “I think she sees a mirror to herself in Cassidy, I really do. I think she sees someone who’s battled being an outsider, being thought of as peculiar. And I think she respects him because of that. I think he infuriates her, most definitely. His endless rantings and ramblings that honestly make no sense. She’s a very direct lady. But also he amuses her. I do think she has a soft spot for him. I do think she is in many ways a lone wolf, but I think it’s always nice to find our place amongst someone. It’s always nice to feel needed. And I think she feels needed by Cassidy much more than she feels needed by Jesse. And she’s aware of his feelings for her, and I think it repels her. But also, I think she understands that it is a genuine affection that he has for her. And that he is probably in love with her.” That latter part is utterly unlike the comics, where Tulip doesn’t even like Cassidy and hardly interacts with him.

So people need to stop using the comics as an excuse to put this pairing in a bad light. You needn’t ship it, and I don’t think it will ever be canon and that’s ok! I love Jesse/Tulip too. But I shouldn’t feel like I have to defend myself for being deeply fond of this dynamic as presented on screen.

As I just said the other day in another post, it’s pretty useless to analyze ANY of the three main characters with the comics as a reference - none of them bear more than a passing resemblance to their comic counterparts at all other than a certain aesthetic and an occasionally similar sense of humor. In terms of their goals and the things they value most, all three of them are HUGELY different from their comic versions, and should be analyzed on their own merits.