#when i lost my very first 50/50 to the character i hated most at the time which was mona

[walpu]

LET'S GOOOOOO I've lost 50/50 on her banner so it's my way to cope

this bitchass app tries to shadowban me so i'm reuploading this

nsfw headcanons w/Sparkle

characters - Sparkle notes - gn!reader, nsfw, dom!Sparkle, no beta

Everything is insane when it comes to this girl.

First of all, I don't think she's a virgin.

She doesn't seek sex for the act itself, for her it's just another way to play a certain role she has in mind.

If you're her lover then be prepared to her shenanigans lmao.

Constant role-playing. Like I mean it. According to her stories and voice lines, she likes to make up origins and roles for herself just for the sake of it, so of course she won't miss a chance to put her imagination to a good use.

Calls herself a switch. Can be a dom or a sub depending on what role she wants to play. But I would say she's naturally more dom leaning, she can't help but notice that the roles where she gets to boss you around are more… fun to play.

Very kinky. I think she would be open to anything you may propose. And if eventually she dislikes the experience, she just dismisses it as boring.

Would probably have some issues with respecting boundaries. I mean in her voiceline about Sampo she literally complains that limitations are boring and "kill the vibe". Plus her disregarding other's comfort for the sake of elation is generally a big part of her character.

Butttt I do think that she'll try to respect your wishes more when she gets attached to you and develops some genuine feelings. Will she still complain that you're no fun tho? Sure.

Is heavily into marking. Loves biting you all over your body, especially your chest and neck.

Be prepared to be tied up regularly. For a girl who hates restrictions she surely loves restricting you a bit too much.

Loves watching your reactions and have a lot of kinks regarding that.

Would use ice cubes on you to see you squirm when she presses it to your most sensitive body parts. Would tickle you with feathers. A high chance she would suggest trying gun/knife play at least once.

Big on edging and orgasm denial. If she feels nice enough, she'll just edge you but eventually will let you cum. If she feels like being a meanie she is. Oh well.

Would constantly switch between praising and degrading you. One minute you're the only person who can truly satisfy her, a perfect dance partner, then boom you're her pathetic toy.

Has a surprisingly good stamina. If you're out of energy before she's satisfied, she'll complain and pester you. May use toys to distract herself while you're catching your breath but they're not enough, she needs your touch specifically. Won't hesitate to tell you this. And while she didn't try to flatter or compliment you with this comment, she's was just stating a fact, it's still nice to hear, is it not?

[ga-yuu]

Romance manhwas/webtoons I highly recommend!!!

Look! You guys must know, by this time, I am a romance connoisseur! *ahem* self-proclaimed*ahem* Romance is my fav genre and I'm not ashamed to say that aloud!! Since valentines day is coming and I'm still single, I simply fill the empty space in my heart with these cute manhwas/webtoons!!! I love reading them so much! But there are some really good romance manhwas that really give me hope about love. These are my recommendations, the ones I really enjoyed.

Daytime star

This manhwa is one of my most fav!! If you haven't heard of it, or read it...GO READ THIS RIGHT NOW!!....or whenever you have time, BUT I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS MANHWA! It's not just about its beautiful art style, but the story is AMAZING! If you're like me, who loves mature adult romance (and by 'mature adult romance' I don't mean a story like 50 shades of grey, but a more natural realistic romance between two fully grown adults) then this is the manhwa for you! I swear! I was binge-reading this manhwa the whole day, while eating, while playing games, while sleeping I was dreaming about this manhwa. The story is about a struggling actress falling in love with a very popular actor. It sounds simple, but it's really really REALLY GOOD! It's worth your time! There's nothing bad I have to say about this manhwa. It's truly outstanding.

Marry my husband

What? You want a revenge drama with the female lead in her comeback era? I recommend Marry my husband. I saw the Kdrama adapted from this manhwa and although the actors are really good....the story changes drastically towards the end. The Kdrama has so many....'Kdrama' elements which I'm not really a fan of and it just makes the story unnecessarily complicated for no reason. So I highly recommend you read the manhwa version. The manhwa version is more straightforward and simple compared to the kdrama and doesn't have any unnecessary drama to waste your time. All the characters are so good. Even the side characters have stories. I love how simple the story is and how satisfying it is. I'm sure you will enjoy the manhwa and fall in love the characters. Again, highly recommend this. This is the 2nd manhwa that I binged the whole day, and re-read it again yesterday. It's really good!

A Marriage of Convenience

I'll be honest, I was ignoring this manhwa for god knows why? Looking at the art, it just gave Under the Oak tree vibes.....and I'll be honest again, I got bored of under the oak tree. Everyone seems to love it, but I just got bored after 20 chaps or so. But this one, I finally decided to read it and again! I JUST CANNOT STOP READING IT!! I wonder why I'm so in love with it...it's because the female lead is so cool! I LOVE THE FEMALE LEAD IN THIS MANHWA!!! and you will know why once you read it. I feel like the female lead really carries the story on her back. Its so beautiful to see her growing and then comparing her present self to how she used to be in beginning of the story. Hey! I'm telling you! Go read it!! *points my gun*

I Thought It's A Common Possession (Ongoing!)

Isekai villainess manhwas are the trend guys! I wonder when is cybird going to release their own ver. of isekai villainess game? Well...I have not seen many people talking about this manhwa, so I wanna shed some light. It's a slow-burn but a really good one! At the first chap, you'd hate the male lead....but at the end of the latest chap, you guys will surely love the male lead. You'll think that the story is just a simple villainess manhwa were everyone hates the villainess but soon end up liking her...but no, it's much darker. You'll find out when you read it. Also the female lead...is a mommy!!! She gives me mommy vibes!! She's so beautiful!!

For My Lost Love (Ongoing!)

Another isekai manhwa that I'm obsessed with because the male lead is too hot for my own good! I think the reason I love this manhwa is because 1. it's a slow burn 2. the male lead is so good-looking 3. The relationship developing between the male lead and the female lead is really cute! It's like you can't help but want to see these two together! Right now, the male lead is completely in love with the female lead and its' so cute to see him being possessive about her and the female lead is completely oblivious. The female lead really loves the male lead because he is her fav character of her fav novel. It's cute! I love the female lead's personality, showing heart-eyes and blushing when the male lead does something....even the smallest things like drinking his coffee or arranging flowers. It's really cute!

Remarried Empress (First 80 - 90)

This story is really popular. There is a manhwa and a game....Phew~ Another one of those that I couldn't stop reading......BUT!! As much as I love the story and it's main characters...I feel like this manhwa is better if you only read it up to...90 chapters and from there, just read the spoilers. I'll be honest, the first 80 to 90 chapters of this manhwa are FUCKING AWESOME!!!! IT'S DRAMA AFTER DRAMA AFTER DRAMA! ABUSE! VERBAL ABUSE! EMOTIONAL ABUSE! It's bad but it's also good. The abuse is just too much to handle that you can't stop reading it because you want the female lead to be happy...and in the end she gets it. I highly recommend reading 90 chapters of the manhwa and then read the spoilers because the manhwa gets very sluggish. I bet you, because you will be only invested in the 4 main characters of this story and you won't care about anyone else. The first 90 chapters mainly focuses on these 4 characters and after that the story focuses more on other side characters until it connects back to the main 4 characters. This part is a drag.....so don't waste time and read the spoilers.

The Villainess Turn The Hourglass

Ah....This manhwa....truly one of the best villainess manhwa I've ever read!! I won't say anything! This is truly a 'VILLAINESS ROMANCE' manhwa and again...a story about a woman in her comeback era. Read only the main story though, I don't really care about the spin-off. The main story is truly satisfying. Read it! READ IT RIGHT NOW!! *Points my gun*

I'll keep sharing more manhwas and webtoons with you guys because I'm never gonna stop reading it! Even on my death bed, I'll still be reading it!!

[obimaulartfire]

Do you ever just...wake up and think about how Obi-wan was, for most of his life, Maul's reason to live?

Let me explain, and this is one of the main reasons I was drawn to ObiMaul in the first place. (long ramble below)

We're all aware of the events at the reactor fight, and it'd be an understatement to say it was a very hostile first encounter. But it's in the aftermath where the dynamic gets interesting.

Maul survived on his own, for years, with only his top half. As a former biology major, sometimes I think about how possible this would be in real life, if at all. It would be insanely uncomfortable at best, and impossible at worst. But through the excruciating pain, Maul survived, fueled purely by his intense hatred/obsession with Kenobi (and some star wars darkside magic, I'm sure).

Maul says this himself when first meeting Obi-wan again in season 4 of The Clone Wars:

"You would never imagine the depths I'd go to to stay alive, fueled by my singular hatred...for you."

Imagine being on the brink of death, with half of your circulatory system GONE, your heart beating irregularly, and your "lower half" being in constant pain, but still finding something to live for, and living...for YEARS. That's impressive. Hate-filled or not, it's hard to deny that for that time, thoughts of Obi-wan literally kept Maul alive for a decade.

Maul comes back to the series having been left for dead by Sidious, with spider legs he made himself, and no sense of time and a destroyed sense of sanity. Yet, he lives.

And additionally, revenge on Sidious is only second in his thoughts to his revenge on Obi-wan, even though Sidious is technically the one who left him for dead. Since Maul can't sit still, he did many other things during the Clone Wars in accordance with his own ambitions, likely to attempt to reclaim that part of his life that had been lost to Lotho Minor, but that's a tangent for another post.

He gets revenge on Obi-wan (I guess) by killing Satine, but even that isn't enough for him, as evidenced by the Satine hate shrine that we see in Rebels, when Ezra visits Maul's cave on Dathomir:

(on a side note, there is no sane heterosexual explanation for this^, I'm sorry/j)

Why would you keep a memento of someone you've killed? Why would you cross out their eyes? Maul didn't hate Satine that much, and it's my opinion that he did this because she was important to Obi-wan.

And that brings me to my next point: Rebels Maul

Y'all.... there's a reason the title of my blog is "Twin Suns Changed My Brain Chemistry", because I vaguely had feelings about these two in Clone Wars, but Rebels really cemented this dynamic for me.

I cannot emphasize enough that in Rebels, Maul thinks Obi-wan Kenobi is dead. Whether he got killed in Order 66 or when Vader and the Inquisitors started purging Force Users, there was maybe a .000001% chance that any Jedi, especially Obi-wan, would have survived that. And yet. When we enter Rebels, we find Maul on Malachor, stuck on the planet looking for the Sith holocron.

WHY is he trying to find the Sith holocron? In Maul's own words:

"As for me, I...seek something much simpler, yet equally elusive... Hope."

Hope? That surely isn't a Sith ideal. It's revealed later that the only reason Maul wants to combine these ancient artifacts is to learn whether or not Obi-wan Kenobi is alive. I shit you not.

This implies that Maul has had Hope that Obi-wan has been alive for what... 15 years? That's a long time. At this point, Maul may be like, 49 or 50. He has been fixated on Obi-wan for 30 years of his life. Thoughts of Obi-wan kept him going and going and going for 3/5ths of his life. Even when he thinks Obi-wan has died, he spends 15 years trying to find him, just hoping that he is alive. But for what?

It's unclear to me what Maul, in canon, really desires from Obi-wan. But one thing for sure is that Obi-wan acts as a...source of emotions for Maul. A source of feelings, and a reason to keep going through times that other characters would give up.

Other characters may have survived, but Maul lived because of Obi-wan. Through being bisected, the Clone Wars, being chased by Vader and the Inquisitors, and through periods of despair.

And before the end, he just wants to find his reason to live again, and dies in his arms.

[calcja]

SAINT OR SLUT

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A 18+ POST W SOME NSFW THEMES READ AT YOUR OWN RISK ⚠️

Sypnosis: Here's what i think abt whether bonten characters r virgins or nahhh (ofc they're not minors here)

author's note: EXPECT wrong grammars and spellings bc english is not my first languange but i will try my best 😤 and also

❗️pictures are not mine. Credits to the rightful owners❗️

❗️ this doesnt follow the manga ❗️

• MANJIRO SANO

• Personally, i'm 50/50 whether if Mikey is a virgin or not, but i'm sure home boi flirts w girls

• Bro is literally stressed out w his life ever since he was a kid and we are all aware that he lost lots of people during his teenage years that led him into becoming a person that he is right now

• He would go to clubs for work or when he's stressed out, looking for some hot chicks to comfort his lonely ass then make out with them later on but it actually depends though if he would be in the mood to do it with someone, he might be "too tired" to have sex or if ever he did it, he would most likely do it just to feel something

• HARUCHIYO SANZU

• Now come on now

•He's a slut. like a literal slut. the slut of them all. the one and only babygirl.

• He's the guy that when you first look at him, you will say ti yourself immediately that "oh he's a slut" "oh that guy is definitely not a virgin" "he definitely fuck bunch of girls"

• Especially when he's high? oh my god. One thing u expect when this guy is high is hes at the club fucking some girls or getting his dick sucked.

• He doest want makeouts w gropings, home boi always wants a good fuck

•But regardless of being a fuck boy, Sanzu doesnt just easily goes to clubs on his daily basis, when he has work to do especially when it an order from mikey, he would do that first.

• Overall, he's the type of guy who do his works first and surprisingly do it well before he gets his ballsack empty!

• KAKUCHO

• hmmmm this guy is a.... virgin.

• He's voted for being the best boyfriend at the poll one time so i guess this guy is actually sweet irl or in fanfics (EVERYBODY LOVES THIS GUY HE SOLOS ALL UR FAVES IF UR A HATER OF THIS MAN THEN J ALSO HATE U)

•Moving on, Kakucho goes to clubs only just for work and nothing more. Sure he might get some drinks then that's it. • Unfortunately, it's very rare for someone to come up to him to flirt, not bcs of his scary face but bcs of his calm yet cold personality, voice and aura.

• I think he prefers to train more than having sex when he's stressed

• I just imagine him during his day off in his apartment or house or wherever the fuck he lives to have a calm life, taking care of some plants, relaxing while watching tv, reading books, drinking coffee, training and overall just enjoying little things in life.

• ANYWAYS BUT WHY DO I THINK ABT HIM PLAYING A GUITAR (Izana's old guitar)?!?!???! AND HE LEARNED PLAYING THE GUITAR FOR IZANA???

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Okay, a good amount of time has passed, and after having seen this post by @weretiger-be-my-horse , I've been turning it over and over in my brain going absolutely feral over this concept. I need to expand upon my thoughts on this idea and all the evidence there is pointing towards it, whether that be actual tangible things, or purely strong vibes I have.

First of all, full disclaimer: I did not like the season 5 finale, and how it wrapped up the DoA arc. To say that I "disliked" it is putting it extremely lightly, in fact -- I absolutely hated it, and I am still, to a degree, in disbelief that I actually even watched those 24 minutes with my own two eyes, and that it somehow wasn't a complete fever dream. While I'm not going to go in long-winded detail into all the ways that I feel like the finale almost completely bastardized all of its featured characters and destroyed any and all buildup we've had going on in this arc for 50 some chapters now, because that's not the main point of this post, I will not make any attempt to hide the fact that the theory-crafting I'm about to pose here is partly influenced and prompted by how much I hated the finale, and how much I desperately hope that it will not end up being manga canon. Therefore, if you enjoyed the finale — and that's fine! — and don't want to read any negativity about it, then I would not recommend reading any further (I mean, you've probably already left by this point, which is fair lol), While obviously it's important that I be as objective and unbiased as possible when explaining my thoughts, some of my negative feelings about the writing will be a part of this analysis, even if this isn't going to be a full-blown rant. Just know that if you proceed.

With that out of the way, let me continue.

So. In the aforementioned post, the theory presented is that the anime may be operating on an alternate timeline, and that this will become evident once we read the upcoming October chapter, wherein things will go completely differently post-chapter 110 than they do in the final episode — probably for the worse, with the s5 finale intending to lull us into a false sense of security and make us assume that everything in the manga arc finale will wrap up as smoothly and consequence-freely(? lol) as it did in the anime one. It also suggests that the Fukuchi we see at the very end that sskk are fighting came from the manga timeline, where he won, and that he used the Book to jump to a timeline where he lost, the anime one, proven by the fact that this Fukuchi is wearing a mask with the same design on it as the mask Fukuchi is wearing on the chapter 110 DoA color spread/title page.

First of all, I want to note the fact that it's not just the mask design that's the same: the entire outfit is roughly more or less the same as well. It's not completely 1-to-1, because the anime can never fully match the intricacies of Harukawa's beautiful outfit designs, and the Fukuchi in this scene has the kimono half-off because of the... super saiyan mode he's in, but most all of the main pieces of clothing are there. Any small inaccuracies could also be attributed to the fact that Harukawa probably didn't have this finalized art ready back when this episode was being made, so the animators wouldn't have had the complete design to work off of. But in general, because it's all so similar, I think we can quite confidently say that the ending episode Fukuchi is meant to be the one from this manga art.

Also, people have pointed this out, but it's worth mentioning that the mask Asagiri wore at Anime Expo in July was referencing this Fukuchi. It's not a crucial detail, but it just proves more that Asagiri is a gigantic fucking troll, and that he clearly wanted to draw attention to this Fukuchi design. It's important. He describes the mask here as made in the motif of an ellipses inside a speech bubble... could that perhaps be referencing meta aspects, like the Book?

Next, I want to talk about the even bigger elephant in the room, which to me is the most damning and undeniable piece of evidence there is of the anime operating on a completely separate timeline from the manga:

This Fucking Hand™️

As we all know, in the anime, Fyodor injures his hand when the password input device blows up, and as we all know, this does not happen in the manga. In the last episode, Dazai claims that the final nail in the coffin of his impromptu plan to kill Fyodor relied on this hand injury: because Fyodor couldn't pilot his escape helicopter himself, he would ask one of his Meursault vampires to do it for him, unaware that Bram and thus this vampire was now on the ADA's side, and said vampire could kill him while his guard was down.

Ignoring how utterly stupid and contrived this plan is when you stop and think about it for more than two seconds, the fact of the matter is that something that initially seemed like nothing more than an odd but inconsequential anime original addition ended up snowballing into being the entire reason one of the big bads was brought down. If Fyodor hadn't hurt his hand, he wouldn't have needed another pilot, and so the traitor vampire wouldn't have had an opportunity to get near him and kill him without him expecting it even though said vampire was presumably with him as they were leaving Meursault, and was probably already a traitor by then, so there was plenty opportunity for him to still die. not to mention by Chuuya's hands at literally any time he wanted to, because Chuuya was coherent the whole time. Also there's absolutely no way Dazai could have known exactly what Ranpo would do, no matter how smart he is and how much he trusts him. idk it's fucking dumb, just roll with it. Therefore, putting aside all other variables for now, we can conclude that, on the most basic level, this signifies that no hand wound = no death.

And let me tell you, this hand wound bothers me. It really, really does. Because they focus on it a LOT — they go out of their way to draw attention to it MULTIPLE TIMES, from the moment it first happens to the end of the season. Fyodor even talks about it to himself, about Dazai being able to cause him tangible, visible, bodily harm, (something that, again, as far as we've seen, has never happened in the manga). Hell, even after Fyodor's death, they're still drawing attention to it, because his right arm is all of him that survives, and Dazai picks it up and gives it to Nikolai to do his hilarious sad little gay fondling of it played completely straight even though there's nothing straight going on here at all! It's like it's a big red flashing sign at all times going "you see this injured hand? This is important. Are you picking up that it's important? Are you taking note of it?" Why is that? Obviously, it serves to give us the lore crumbs about Fyodor and "that man", but that's hardly the main, much more glaring reason, as I've already mentioned.

Fyodor doesn't hurt his hand in the manga. Fyodor won't die here in the manga. I am so dead serious by this point about this, and it's not just simply the fact that this was absolutely not at all the time for him to die, or the fact that his hand is the reason for his death in the anime in and of itself, but how much EMPHASIS they place on this, and on the hand in general. What would be the point of adding something like this, if it's not meant to alert us to the fact that it has a major impact on how the story plays out? We all know Bones: they struggle to get right and include everything that's already there in the source material; they would never go out of their way to add something this noteworthy if there wasn't a very good reason for it, if it wasn't absolutely necessary. I've seen a few people bring up the fact that Fyodor gets shot in the shoulder by Sigma and that that could lead to the same outcome in the manga, but I disagree: although he has blood on his shoulder in the manga, it seems like the bullet just grazed the top of it, because his arm and hand appears completely functional afterwards (not hanging limp by his side or anything). But that doesn't even matter, because this isn't even about the semantics/logistics of how the hand wound caused Fyodor's death because again, it's a stupid outcome, or what could serve as a substitute in the manga — thematically, this is a textbook example of the butterfly effect. Countless parallel universes exist within this series, ones where even the most minute differences lead to a majorly different outcome: this just happens to be one of them. There's no reason to think it isn't, and there's no reason to not think that the anime wants us to clue into the fact that things only went as smoothly as they did on the Meursault side because of this wound; in other words, that things will go very differently in the manga thanks to the absence of said wound. They wouldn't have added it in the first place and put such clearly deliberate emphasis on it otherwise.

Things are going to happen very differently in the manga, at least when it comes to the Meursault crew (but then, if you assume that, you then naturally assume it all will be very different). This is the only conclusion one can come to with the presentation of this anime-only wound, combined with the fact that parallel universes are a very real thing in BSD.

I'm going to go on a bit of a tangent, so bear with me. I play a lot of visual novels, and although such concepts aren't really as original now as they were a while ago, some of my favorite and some of the very best VNs out there are the ones that break the fourth wall and make the visual novel branching route format directly intertwined with the story: you know, the ones where the characters go "if only I had done things differently, maybe everything would have turned out better...!" in a wink wink nudge nudge moment, and the ones where the characters are aware of the different timelines, even, or even have the ability to gain information from their selves in said alternate timelines to influence events in their current one (I'm intentionally not naming the games I'm thinking of for the sake of spoilers, but if you know, you know lmao). It gets very meta in this regard, and this is how I started viewing BSD through the lens of ever since I first learned about Beast: like a visual novel with many branching routes, and only a few routes that feel entirely "right".

When I first read Dazai's Entrance Exam, I was struck by how unnerving the ending sequence in the abandoned hospital felt. Obviously, Kunikida's internal struggle over Sasaki's actions and motives is him still desperately clinging to his ideal world that does not exist, but the specific type of phrases he uses — "who is wrong?" "[who is] the cause of all this?" "there has to be an ideal world" "there has to be something, I'm sure of it" "There must have been something we could have done!" — and the framing of the scene in general, is eerily reminiscent of a bad ending in a visual novel, to me. There's a haunting, looming, bleak sense that a different outcome could have been achieved, if different decisions had been made, or if things outside of anyone's control had been different... and we know that this is true, because in Beast alone, Kunikida never goes through the Azure Messenger incident, because Dazai doesn't have his entrance exam. Hell, you could even consider the anime's version of the Azure Messenger arc an alternate timeline in of itself, if you really wanted to, long before we even arrive at season 5.

When it comes to Beast, this timeline has almost the opposite feeling of what I described above, that I've also encountered in visual novels: the idea of a "good route" or "good ending" that still doesn't feel quite earned, or as perfect as one would expect. Beast is presented as the "ideal" timeline purely for one sole reason: Oda is alive. It is the only timeline where he's alive, and keeping Oda alive is the ultimate goal Dazai wants to achieve, the only reason this timeline exists; therefore, disregarding all else, Beast should be the best timeline, because Oda's death is the greatest devastation in the series to date. We all want him to live, so why wouldn't the timeline where he does be the best one? And yet... of course, it isn't. Dazai is alone, and steeped in darkness and loneliness without Oda, and dies by the end of the story for Oda's continued living. Atsushi has Kyouka still, but he's suffering and more traumatized, and unable to heal while stuck in the mafia, and neither can Kyouka. Akutagawa is living a much better life in the ADA... but without his sister, and without what he has from his bond with Atsushi in canon, that isn't replicated in Beast. And Oda... Oda is alive, and he has his children and his novel, but there is a feeling that he is aimless, that something in his life is missing. He has everything he ever wanted, but all that means nothing without what he truly needs: Dazai, and his time with Dazai and Ango at the bar. In this way, things going well and us getting what we want — in this case, Oda living — goes against how it's supposed to be, the natural order, which is why it feels so hollow. In the specific visual novel I'm thinking of here as a comparison (again, shoutout if you know), there's an alternate ending that involves you inputting information you gain at the end of the game very early on in the game, wherein the protagonist now has memories of the future and is able to bypass and prevent all of the events that take place normally. This means that people who die or are hurt somehow in general are saved from that fate, and nothing bad ever occurs; everything wraps up neatly and nicely... but again, there's an undeniable, unsettling feeling of emptiness, of a victory that rings hollow, because what's the point if everything is simply handed to you easily, where's the sense of accomplishment, without any struggles to achieve said victories, or any growth along the way? How can it feel earned if one doesn't have to, in Dazai's words, "scream within the storm of uncertainty, and run with flowing blood"?

You can probably already see where I'm going with this.

This finale feels weird. Really, really weird. It feels too cheap, too simple, too unsatisfying. So much so, in fact, that for almost the entire runtime, as I was bombarded with resolution upon resolution one after another, I kept thinking "There's no way this can be real. Where's the catch? When is the "gotcha!" moment gonna happen? The "it was all a dream" reveal?". And this isn't just because I hated the writing, and that it really did feel like a fever dream watching fanfic levels of bad (actually, that's an insult to fanfic writers, tbh; they could do better) — no, it genuinely feels so incredibly fake. Even upon rewatching it and already knowing what happens, my brain still naturally keeps expecting some kinda of "sike, you THOUGHT!" moment to suddenly appear. It just.... feels "too good to be true". Dazai and Chuuya come out unscathed, and it's revealed that they were never in any real danger to begin with. Fyodor, one of our biggest threats, is dealt with supposedly for good (I say "supposedly" only because of the Jesus line, but if anything imo, I think that's just a hint that this won't be the canon ending in the manga, so in a sense he's going to "come back to life"), and Nikolai seems somewhat at peace with his death. The other biggest threat, Fukuchi, is also dealt with, and he and Fukuzawa get their final moment together of closure. Yes, Sigma is left in Meursault don't even get me started on how angry this alone makes me, and Fukuzawa loses Fukuchi, but overall, everything is portrayed in a positive light, and any negatives or losses are quickly glossed over. Everything is tied up nicely, neatly, and smoothly. ...And that is exactly what makes it feel so wrong, and hard to trust in.

I'm not sure if this will make sense, but to me, the finale is so incredibly poorly written that it almost feels.... intentional. It's so bad to the point of feeling self-aware in how bad it is, how unrealistically happy and convenient an ending it is. It had to end this neatly in order to rush to wrap up this arc for the season finale and not leave the last episode on a cliffhanger — which imo is chiefly the main reason it turned out this way, and, if this whole theory is true, Asagiri just used it to his advantage — and I'm not saying this was probably an effect Bones had in mind intentionally, I'm sure they just threw shit at the wall and went with whatever stuck, maaaaybe with some suggestions/approval from Asagiri, but the result is that you have a conclusion that contradicts so much of what was set up before and goes against so many character arcs, making some characters so out of character and even regressing in their development Dazai. I'm talking about Dazai abandoning Sigma, because he would never; hashtag #NOTMYDAZAI. Also Nikolai, Nikolai for most of that is so ooc I can't even begin to describe it oh my god. Everyone is OOC to a degree though lmao, and opens so many plot holes, to the point that it's impossible not to watch all that and get the feeling that it is subtly saying to you "did you really think it could be this easy? It feels wrong, doesn't it? It doesn't feel satisfying. It feels unearned." I find it incredibly interesting and suspicious in particular that they confirmed multiple theories people had about soukoku in Meursault: that Chuuya slowed the elevator's fall so that Dazai wouldn't die from it, that Chuuya slowed down the bullet so that it only penetrated Dazai's skin and not his skull, and that the both of them used Fyodor's camera angle to their advantage because they knew he wouldn't be able to see certain things from his view. I'm not saying that Asagiri trawled BSD twitter and tumblr after those chapters dropped for the most popular theories before the final episode was made lmao, there was no time for that (imagine though lol—), but I do think it's highly likely that he already had in mind exactly what theories would be made about these parts (I mean, the evidence for the gun scene was all there), and that Dazai rattling them off in his long monologue to Fyodor at the end is essentially him speaking to the audience and going "yeah, that's what you would predict, right? Those are the clichés, after all", much like him suggesting earlier that he can maybe bring Chuuya back to himself with a few moving words and the power of friendship, and Fyodor using the split personalities trope to fool Sigma. We expect these tropes to be true. Of course we'd fall for them, as Fyodor tells Sigma, especially if the evidence is right there. But Asagiri himself has explicitly said that he likes doing the opposite of what people expect. And so just because people predicted correctly with the three things I mentioned in this timeline... doesn't mean they'll be true in the manga's. Things happened how we wanted and expected it to, and everything turned out happily. So we can relax now, right? Everything will work out just as easily in the manga, right? Or... is the reason most of this finale feels so fake and unsettling and unsatisfying because it's meant to lull us into a false sense of security before all our heroes lose in the manga? Because deep down, we don't want an ending that's this simple, because we'd rather have a conclusion where our characters have struggled more and grown more and come out the better for it, and we know it?

After rewatching the episode a lot, and watching some other videos, and doing a lot of thinking, I am pretty confident in suspecting that the only part of this finale that is actually from manga canon, aside from Aya jumping off the building of course, is Fyodor and Nikolai's exchange after Fyodor leaves Meursault — specifically, them talking about Fyodor leaving Sigma behind, and their "new game" and Nikolai being excited at the prospect of it. This little conversation actually feels in character for them, and it's easy to tell this when contrasting it with everything that happens immediately after, wherein Fyodor is fatally stabbed, and Nikolai, completely at odds with what he was just talking about, just... stands there and watches Fyodor die while Dazai monologues lmao. I'm not sure if the helicopter is still a factor, but I would bet good money on Fyolai getting out of Meursault being manga canon, and that Dazai and Chuuya getting out as well and killing Fyodor + everything with FukuFuku, is part of the anime original ending, in order to wrap up everything positively. It makes much more sense if you think about, in reality (aka in the manga), Dazai and Chuuya still being left behind in Meursault (where they can eventually try to get Sigma), because none of it was an act and things did not go according to plan, and Fukuchi having an entirely different goal that doesn't feel so stupid and contradictory to his character, and Fukuzawa possibly dying — everyone seemingly loses, with Aya still being the last hope, perhaps by awakening her ability like we all speculated.

There's a youtuber I watch who covers BSD in-depth, despite being an anime-only (she reads the respective manga content after each season, though). Going into this finale, she knew about the fact that the anime had overtaken the manga, though she didn't know where the cutoff point was; despite that, however, she made predictions about what was from the manga so far and what was anime original, and it was almost entirely spot-on, based mostly on what she basically described as "anime original dialogue." She talked about how you can always tell when dialogue is veering into the realm of anime-original, because the sentences are very short, choppy, and slightly out of character, but generic enough to not be TOO out of character, and so that anyone can easily write said lines, even if they're not extremely familiar with the character like the original author would be. And when I heard this explanation, everything clicked — because so much of this finale has dialogue like that. The Fyolai scenes just feel peppered with it, around the lines I mentioned earlier, the Dazai dialogue does too, and ESPECIALLY shit at the end like Fukuchi and Fukuzawa exchanging the cliche death lines to end all death lines: "Are you there? I'm a little tired." "Rest up." That just isn't Bungou Stray Dogs. That isn't Asagiri. BSD is cheesy at times, yes, but it isn't like this; it's smarter. The dialogue is smarter, the explanations/plot twists are smarter, Asagiri is smarter, and the aforementioned youtuber I watched agreed. She's a pretty casual fan of the series, so if even she could pick up on these things, I think it speaks volumes.

I mentioned this briefly earlier, but this theory makes sense if you consider that this situation probably came about because of Bones wanting two seasons back-to-back when they did, and this arc being as long as it is. Season 3 aired in 2019, and I imagine Bones would have wanted season 4 in 2020, and might have then been willing to wait a bit longer for season 5 in order for more of this arc's manga chapters to come out — but then covid happened. Because of that, season 4 was delayed to 2023, creating the longest gap we've had between seasons, and I wouldn't at all be surprised if the delay made them want season 5 right together with it, after getting so far "behind", so to speak. S4 was announced in November of 2021, and roughly around that time, Asagiri was finishing up writing the plot of the DoA arc. If Bones came to him sometime in late 2021 and said they wanted two seasons now (so basically, one giant two cour season), Asagiri would know that not only of course would this arc not be finished publishing in the manga for a very long time yet, but that roughly 20ish episodes would not be enough to cover it all to the end, with this arc being longer than any arc the anime has adapted to date. Because of all this, and the arc manga chapters being nowhere near fully drawn to completion, he'd have to make a decision about what to do, and what to give Bones. Without ending season 5 on a massive cliffhanger that wouldn't be resolved for years until an eventual season 6, the only other option would be to rush towards an anime-original ending for the DoA arc.... and for Asagiri to take advantage of that, and integrate it into BSD's lore. Thereby creating a truly unique cross-media experience that utilizes the different mediums to create multiple timelines, that could make both the anime and manga interact with each other and become part of a bigger picture (not that you'd need to see both to get the full experience, mind you, just that it'd provide a little bonus if you did).... and would without a doubt be Asagiri's biggest surprise yet.

...I feel like at this point I'm starting to ramble, and my evidence become more and more incoherent and less substantial lmao, so I should probably end this post. 💀 Thank you if you've read this far, and hopefully it made some semblance of sense, despite not being structured very well; I know I promised at the start to try to be as objective as possible and curb my negative feelings, but I'm not sure how well I succeeded in that regard. If it weren't for the Fukuchi thing and the Fyodor hand thing, I probably wouldn't take how wrong and strange and bad the finale feels to me as serious evidence about it being an alternate timeline, especially since I seem to be one of the only people who actually hates all of it.... but combined with everything else, I am just so convinced of this theory being true. It started off as pure copium, but as more time has gone on, I fully, 100% believe in my bones (ha) that there is no way that finale is the same Bungou Stray Dogs I know and love, for so many reasons. It just isn't. It can't be. I know BSD better than this, I know Asagiri better than this, and I know that it's absolutely in the realm of possibility for him to cook up this whole scheme to completely blindside us with in the upcoming chapters, because that's exactly the kind of shit Mr. "Please Be Surprised!" himself would pull. If I end up being completely wrong, I guess I'm wrong, and you can laugh at me all you want then.... but I just know that ages ago people were teasing the idea of the anime operating on a different timeline from the manga, and I truly do think that only now are we finally seeing that idea come to fruition, as a setup for Asagiri going full-bore insanity with the Book in the upcoming arc(s). if I and the OP of that theory end up right, this will be the wildest time in the BSD fandom's history.

Like. I cannot even emphasize how hard they are trolling us at this point. Something is going on. Something is being cooked over there, the likes of which we've never seen before... and I don't think any of us are ready for it.

Oh yeah, and one last thing of note: both Fyodor and Nikolai here have their right arms hidden from view. Is that alluding to anything? I'm not sure. I also think that since chapter 110 was so short, next chapter will likely be 110.5 instead of 111, and if that's the case, this title spread could still technically be associated with the next chapter... wherein we might see this Fukuchi, who ends up wreaking havoc, right before he jumps to the timeline in the anime, as we see him at the end of the s5 finale.

I guess we'll find out on Tuesday.

[primarinite]

just realized i never posted my rescue team character redesigns oops

ninetales: shiloh (they/them)

-reworked to be a snowdrift (alolan) ninetales because it makes more sense with the climate they live in and spike chunsoft are COWARDS for not including the regional variants of pokemon in gens 1-3 that got one.

-actually only has 8 tails (lost one in the havoc encounter).

-@ all of the ties that bind heads out there: does their design remind you of anyone in particular? :3c

gengar: havoc (he/him)

-his real (human) name was alphard. he discarded this name and adopted havoc instead after his transformation, as he was hoping that it would make others want to avoid him entirely, as he felt like he didn't deserve any kindness or decency after what he had done. unfortunately for him, medicham and adder (ekans) are stupid and like him. he starts using alphard again after tureis is saved.

-he has a permanent frostbite scar on his right hand from when he grabbed shiloh.

-team meanies fully disbands after tureis' rescue and gengar decides to spend his time giving back to the community in pokemon square for forgiving him. he pretty much becomes team fable's biggest fan and hypes up mayar and turies after she joins (newlin.....exists), not that he will ever admit it.

-after the tureis rescue, mayar tells alphard that regardless of what he's done in the past he's still deserving of love and compassion and that he's not a bad pokemon. alphard becomes smitten with her after that (<- guy that is desparate for companionship). mayar thinks that he's funny and forgives him for the whole "sending a violent mob after her and newlin" thing, and they hookup eventually. everybody in town (especially newlin) hates it but they're still supportive.

-other than newlin he becomes the most active participant in team fable's research into mega evolution when their focus shifts over to that.

gardevoir: tureis (she/her)

-joins team fable for a few years before eventually joining team charm after meeting lopunny. the switch from rescuing to exploring excites her, especially since she's been unable to go anywhere for years. mayar and newlin are very supportive of this. medicham also joins in hopes of getting stronger by travelling to make up for fainting in wish cave.

-being trapped took a heavy toll on her physical body that left her very ill for a long time. she couldn't do much without getting weak and winded, and was severely underweight upon being freed. everyone was supportive of her just doing what she can while part of the team (though she was barred from partaking in mega evolution research due to being a massive strain on the body and could be lethal in her condition). she's much healthier as of joining team charm, which is her main motivation for getting out there and travelling.

-there is a 30ish year gap between rt and explorers in my lore, so by the time she appears in explorers she's in her late 50s/early 60s. still kicking it!

-first image is her appearance in rt, second image is her appearance in explorers

-never recovers her memories of alphard but, for reasons she can't describe, she feels a strong kinship with him. the two become good friends.

[mamadoc]

1, 2, 11, 20😊

1 - Talk about someone who changed your life.

Okay. I took far too long to think about this. Since we're all in a post 6x6 and TTPD era, here's a vulnerable, tortured answer.

I had a very close friend for several years. My husband and I were very close to her and her husband. Our kids were friends. We went to the same church, all loved to travel, had similar interests and tastes, had all lived internationally, went on double dates, etc. We even considered having them raise our kids if my husband and I both passed away. In sum, we were super close.

Then COVID hit. As a doctor COVID was difficult. I struggled a lot because I was taking care of sick patients. I recall one tearful day of talking to a pregnant mom who was about to be transferred to the ICU and was saying goodbye to her other children. It really wasn't safe or comfortable to go to work for a long time. I wasn't really dealing with it well, especially with the people around me treating it like it didn't matter. I was really depressed for the first time in my life.

This friend didn't understand that or if she did, she didn't care. So, when I said I wasn't interested in going out in public and having any type of birthday celebration for my birthday (who wants to celebrate turning 41 anyway?), she started attacking me on a personal level. I was already in a dark place and instead of being a good friend and supporting me, she just keep sending me hateful messages.

That was the first and only time in my life I considered suicide. I reached out for help and got it. I wasn't in that dark pit for a long time. I'm much better now. I mostly have my sister to thank for that.

I brought her flowers for Valentine's Day with an apology note a few weeks after that. She never apologized. I brought treats to her a few weeks after that with an apology note explaining why I felt so hurt. I tried to call to explain how I felt so that I could heal. She never answered the phone.

I'm still not sure what I have to apologize for or why she never seemed to accept or offer an apology. But that was two years ago. We still don't talk. Our husbands don't talk. Our kids don't play together anymore. For a long time, I didn't like going to church because I knew I'd have to see her.

Most of that is better now. I'm just sad for a lost friendship and for the dark place I had to crawl out of.

I've used a slight modification of her name for a character in one of my stories who betrayed Lucy. I thought that might be therapeutic, but it just brought the situation up to the surface again.

Uhhh... I can't believe I just wrote all of that. I'll try to keep the rest of the answers a bit lighter.

2 - Talk about something you really want to do.

I LOVE to travel. I've been to 47 states and 16 countries. My husband and I had all of our plans in place to get to all 50 states before we turned 40. Then COVID hit and all of our plans were dashed when travel shut down. We're going at a slower pace now, but we're getting close to it. #48 (NM) in October, #49 (HI) July 2025 as a 20th anniversary trip, and #50 (AK) the summer of 2026.

11 - Share something you're proud of.

According to AO3's stats, I've posted over 339k words since I started posting 7 months ago (plus another 9-10k chapter I hope to finish tonight). I know there are those that blow me out of the water (Ahem, ahem @girlintotv and @centralperkchenford) with their numbers, but I'm pretty proud of that as a first-time writer and working mom with 4 young kids.

20 - Share with us a random fact or two.

I'm afraid I've already overshared. *yikes* But here we go.

I'm the oldest of 6 kids. The first 4 of us are all 23 months apart, then 27 months apart, and 25 months apart. So, we're essentially every 2 years for 10 years with all of our birthdays clustered together. 3 boys and 3 girls.

I had the chicken pox for my eighth birthday. My grandparents came to visit for my birthday, but they were afraid of getting shingles. So, I had to stay in my bedroom on the second floor, and they stayed on the first floor for the whole time they were visiting. I still remember standing in the hallway near the dining room while they sang happy birthday. One of my siblings blew out the candles for me and my mom brought me a piece of cake in the hallway. (Man, I'm still rocking those depressing TTPD vibes, aren't I?) I was officially not contagious the day my mom came home from the hospital with baby #5 in our family, and I remember being so excited to be healthy enough to hold my baby brother.

Sheesh. Now you probably won't ever ask me anything again. Between TTPD, 6x6, and the angst I'm supposed to be writing right now, I'm coming up with some strange answers.

Sorry to be the Eeyore in the crowd. Thanks for asking me to play though.

Ask game

[lord-of-simons-ghost]

LOTF HEADCANONS >:)

This is going to be a list of my on-island/book time period headcanons (HINT NOT CANON). The majority are my own, and some are my "adopted" headcanons. Each section will be headed! Pre/post island headcanons will be done later since this is super long already

I'm sorry for any grammatical errors or inconsistencies

TWS: Mentions of character death, religious stuff, Implied child death

This is LOTF content, so expect it to be a little dark! Take care of yourself <3

Island/Time Period

- Took place in the late 40s/early 50s. Not during/post WW2 but instead during a new fictitious war caused by nuclear threats in Europe. This is why the boys were sent away from their boarding school in the UK (I'll elaborate on this in a bit).

-The island itself was decent sized with 3 beaches: The meetings/crash took place on the largest beach of the island, which faced West.

-The center of the island was dense woods and heavy foliage. Pig runs ran throughout the entire center and led out to the eastern side of the island.

-Castle Rock and Fire Mountain were to the north, meaning shelters/bathing pools were on the southwest side of the island. Shelters were originally going to be built closer to the mountain.

-After the first fire, the northern side of the island lost the majority of the trees around the mountain. This is one of the reasons the shelters were shifted to the West.

-The island had amazing sunsets, so Ralph would try to have their non-emergency meetings around this time to have as many of the kids witness them as possible. Usually worked.

-Castle Rock was lower down in elevation than Fire Mountain, but it had a very good view of the whole island. It had a ledge above a part of the Eastern beach (where the pigs often lay. This is where Piggy dies. The feast took place in the westeast).

-The boys were on the island for 5 1/2 months.

The Biguns

Choir boys will be highlighted blue

Ages (oldest to youngest): Jack (13), Maurice (13), Roger (13), Ralph (13), Simon (12), Robert (12), Piggy (12), Eric (11), Sam (11), Bill (11)

[sorry if I forgot anyone, these are just the ones I have ages for. Choir has roughly 6 more members in my hcs. ]

-Took the choir a week or so to remember everyone else's names (-Piggy).

-Didn't really mind if someone stayed behind during hunts earlier on, but as time progressed, Jack and Roger would get more and more annoyed. Ralph, Simon and Piggy never joined but helped prepare the pig once or twice before roasting it.

- The majority of them, even Jack and Ralph, would have nightmares later on (think around the time Samneric found the parachutist) and it would put everyone on even more of an edge.

-Arguments would break out within the Choir boys frequently (mainly Roger and Maurice), and Simon or Ralph would have to mediate them. It became the norm until Jack overtook as chief.

-Roger was really the only biggun that wanted to join Jack in the end, even though Ralph kinda sucked. None of them really liked Jack OR Ralph (- Simon, Piggy and Samneric).

-Roger got the most into the final hunt, commanding everyone and instructing them how to hunt Ralph alongside Jack. They scared the littluns that were a part of the tribe and the younger biguns. Everyone enjoyed it in the moment, don't get me wrong, but like. Once that Naval officer showed up, they were INSTANTLY feeling guilty and horrible. (-Jack and Roger. They took time)

Individual Biguns

Jack:

- Kept his choir uniform throughout the duration on the island. Reminded him of when life was less complicated.

- Would still rehearse with the choir for the first month or so before everyone got too involved in the island to care. Jack would still sing whilst doing busy work, fire duty, or meetings to bring comfort to himself.

-Never hated Ralph. He felt very conflicted when interacting with him and was jealous of his authoritative role. He ultimately didn't want Ralph to abandon/hate him, and when this happened, Jack felt extremely betrayed. Even when hunting him at the end, Jack never felt hatred but rather power hungry.

- He and Ralph were friends for 3 or so months and would hang out often. They confided in each other and were actually really close.

- Suffered with anxiety episodes on the island.

- His hair grew so long to the point Simon showed him how to tie it into a bun with plants. He kept it like that for the rest of his time on the island.

- Watched the sunset with Simon, and they would hang out and rely on each other during the night. Jack didn't want to be seen with him during the day, but he would always pick him for hikes and stuff if he needed to bring someone else along.

- Speaking of Simon, Jack didn't realise it was him during the dance until it was too late to do anything. He grieved with the other choir boys and remained to feel guilty for a while. Jack (and sometimes the others) would go out to the beach where he died and make flower crowns, plant boats, stuff like that, and would send them into the ocean as a way to remember and say thank you to Simon.

- He and Roger are besties, and it's very cheesy

- Bathed a little more regularly than the others but not as often than he should have

- Rarely got sleep on the island and when he did it wasn't good sleep. Ran on adrenaline most days

- Loved being able to put on the clay mask because it covered his "ugliness"

- Lost a significant amount of his hearing during the plane crash/war and had a hard time navigating that on the island. Never really mentioned it to anyone until months after being rescued (this is partly @mccall-me-maurice 's headcanon and I love it so much)

Maurice:

- Gremlin, always caused problems and blamed it on Roger (I hc them as cousins)

- Smiled so frequently to the point it freaked Ralph out. The choir boys are used to it.

- Smiled as a way to mask since he hated talking about his feelings and felt if he smiled no one would ask if he was okay (mecore)

- Not very helpful but did what he was told....sometimes

- Didn't get along with the littluns (stupid sandcastles) and would tease them/stick his tongue out at them.

- Hyped up Jack's ideas but also listened to Ralph when he was chief

- Extroverted

- Didn't really put on a mask when hunting since it inched his face but he would paint his body to blend in better.

- Stinky boi

- Friends with the biguns and felt a little disappointed Ralph didn't want to join Jack's tribe

Roger:

- Quiet (unless he's being snarky) when in large groups but would become extroverted around Jack/Maurice

- Got bored so often he just caused chaos

- Had a hard time communicating his genuine thoughts into words so Jack would help him talk to the other boys.

- Sarcastic and kind of a smart-ass, especially to Ralph and Piggy

- Always mixed up the twins and started just pointing and calling one of them "you"

- Middle-child syndrome.

-Felt he did everyone a favor when he dropped the Boulder on Piggy.

- Friends with Simon, but they really only interacted pre-island (Kinda like with Jack, didn't want to be seen with him becuase he thought it would make him "batty")

-Perfered to do things in solitude or duos

- Had a very dark way of thinking about things and people. He still longed for authority and normalcy but thought of people as evil, and only a select few were "good." It's very contradicting, and Roger has a hard time navigating his thoughts.

- Always had intricate paintings whenever the group would redo their masks.

Ralph:

- Saw the beach and was all like "So much room to do cartwheels"

- Would watch the sunrises with Simon

- Got really bad migraines often and would have to be out of commission for a few days. Jack would take over and make a small army

- Always thinking about how life was before, what his family/friends were up to, etc...

- Didn't actually want to be chief and hated it for a while but grew to enjoy the authority that came with it

- Stole all of Piggy's ideas and would act like they were his own

- Would help the littluns but never enjoyed it

- Slept like an egg 🥚 (curled up in a ball almost)

- Would go on walks frequently to try and clear his head. Overthought everything, often stressing himself out over it and needing to then take another mental break

- Loved loved loved watching fire burn, even in the end

- Friendly towards everyone (on occasions) but only considered Piggy and Simon to be his friends (+ Jack for a few months)

- Felt really hurt that Jack turned on him. Ralph hated him for a bit but got over it eventually (like waaaaay post island)

Simon:

- Loved catching critters/bugs and showing them to Ralph. He would tell him their species, what they ate, etc

- Nocturnal. Literally was up almost all night just roaming the forest, doing fire duty, helping littluns, stuff like that

- Helped paint intricate designs on the choir boys the first time they proposed the idea to him because he wanted to paint something.

- Would make patterns in the sand, let the sea wash them away, and repeat the process

- Very calm and quiet. Didn't hate anyone

- Had a crush on Ralph but tried very hard to hide it. (Worked pretty well!)

- Loved the littluns with every bone in his body because they reminded him of his younger siblings. Did everything in his power to make sure they were comfortable.

- Despite being "friends" with Jack, Simon never agreed with his morals/ideas and found Ralph's more sensible. However, he didn't like either in an authoritarian role and thought they all should have been in charge and involved in making decisions.

- Knew he was going to die that night but wanted to warn the others/see them one last time

- Poetic. He would tell poems to anyone who would listen

- Calmed down fights, anxiety attacks, etc....

- Epileptic and hypoglycemic (constantly growing faint, so he tried to stay out of the sun as much as possible and take breaks when needed)

- Thought that the Lord of the Flies was God punishing him for his sins (he literally had none)

- Prayed often to bring comfort to himself

(I have literally no headcanons for Robert ;-;)

Piggy:

- Actually 🤓☝️ (I'm joking I swear)

- Got his feelings hurt easily but tried to hide it when he was sad

- Always thought of what he was going to bake with his Auntie when he got home

- Constantly came up with actually good ideas but never got to share them since Ralph kinda blew them off

- Had a few asthma attacks on the island (like 2 + the Canon one) and Simon and Bill would help him out

- Got very overwhelmed by the littluns but tried to keep them accounted for and safe

- Did the analytical jobs on the island and was helpful with counting supplies

- Enjoyed watching fish swim in the streams/ocean

- Constantly feared for his safety when Jack/Roger were near

- Didn't want to share his name in fear of being even more humiliated and ultimately forgot who he was other than "Piggy"

- Knew he wasn't coming back from Caslte Rock

- Bad at emotionally heavy situations

Eric:

- Enjoyed hunting even though he wasn't very good at it

- Always did the rough/physical jobs when possible since he hated feeling weak at home

- Corrected the others when they called him Sam

- Loves his brother but got annoyed with him frequently

- Didn't swim more often than needed because he was scared of sharks

- Wanted to protect Sam so he stayed close at all times

- Had probably the most fun out of everyone on the island because he had Sam with him

- Always eager to try new things/help out

- Seemed to get comfy quicker than everyone else

- Favored Jack and his tribe in the beginning but quickly changed up when Jack started going coo coo

- Had an attitude

Sam:

- Hated hunted. It grossed him out. He went anyway to stay near Sam

- Perfered to swim on the beach and hang with the littluns rather than helping Ralph with labor

- Loved the ocean

- Got annoyed with how protective Sam was of him since it made him feel small

- Enjoyed Castle Rock and the view that came with it

- Favored Ralph from the beginning and would do *somethings* that he told Sam to do. Was quick to suggest to Eric that they helped Ralph when possible

- Bird watched with Piggy and Simon

- Just overall a sweetheart to everyone

Bill:

- The only headcanon I have for Bill is that he was essentially the nurse of the island, and everyone would go to him for help. He learned all this stuff from his mom, who was a war nurse and just was super super helpful with keeping everyone from getting too badly hurt (this is also another adopted headcanon!)

Littluns

- Tried to start their own tribe and overthrow the older kids (didn't work)

- Has opinions about things and felt ignored most of the time

- Like 80% didn't make it off the island....

- Really just chilled in the sun all day

- Had fun throwing spears at Ralph in the end

- Really just did what they saw Jack do

- HATED RALPH

IM FINALLY DONE!! THIS TOOK A WEEK 😭

[zep-writings]

You Feel Like Home

CHAPTER FIVE.

Warnings: Bad words, mention of war and military, fluff, a little heartbreak and Steve being sweet.

Pairings: Steve Rogers x OFC Ellie Barnes.

Notes: I do not own any of the characters present in this story, except for Ellie Barnes, an original character. This is pure fiction.

This has not been beta and English is not my first language so be nice haha.

Please give me some feedback, even just a small comment is really appreciated!

I've been working on this one for a while, so please let me know what you think!

You Feel Like Home Masterlist || Main Masterlist.

Chapter four, part two

October 1943.

For the few months following his serum injection, instead of being stuck in a lab, Steve decided to make his part and go on tour to promote the war effort. Every night he was on stage selling bullets, pushing people staying in the United States of America to give money for the war effort and promoting war bonds for the Treasury Department. He went from city to city, sleeping in hotel rooms, far from the real action in the war and missing the comfort of his home in New York City, of Ellie. Truth was, he didn’t like his job very much, it wasn’t what he had imagined when he signed up for the serum. Sure, it was better than being stuck in a lab having scientist poking him and draining his blood, but he wished he could do more, he always wanted to do more.

Now he was sitting on the side of the stage he had been standing on a few moments earlier, in front of a crowd of soldiers, five miles away from the front in Italy. They had laughed at him, booed him and after dodging a few tomatoes he had simply walked out of stages as the chorus girls walked back on it. He had always wanted to be there, on the front but that was definitely not how he had imagined doing it.

“Hello, Steve.” A voice raised from behind him. He looked up, turned around and recognised Peggy.

“Hi.” Steve replied in surprise, she was the last person he was expecting to see here.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” Steve wondered, while he stopped drawing.

“Officially, I’m not here at all.” Peggy sat on a box near him. “That was quite a performance.”

“Yeah. Huh.” Steve whipped his nose, bowing down a little to look at his shoes. “I had to improvise a little bit. The crowds I’m used to are usually more…” He looked up, searching for his words. “Twelve.”

“I understand you’re ‘America’s New Hope’.”

“Bonds sales take a 10% bump in every state I visit.” Steve announced, still not looking at Peggy.

“Is that Senator Brandt I hear?”

Steve licked his lips and glanced quickly at Agent Carter. “At least he’s got me doing this. Phillips would have had me stuck in a lab.”

“And these are your only two options? A lab rat or a dancing Monkey?” Peggy asked, looking at the drawing Steve had been working on a few minutes earlier. The drawing of a Monkey wearing his Captain America’s outfit, holding a shield and an umbrella and riding a unicycle. “You were meant for more than this, you know.”

Steve looked at her before he turned back to look in front of him, his mind wondering and getting lost. He hated that he couldn’t do more.

“What?” Peggy asked him, her eyes still on him.

“You know, for the longest time, I dreamt about coming overseas and being on the front lines, serving my country. I finally got everything I wanted and I’m wearing tights.” Steve explained before the horn of an ambulance van could be heard behind him and Peggy.

Steve turned around to watch the vehicle come to a stop in front of the big medical tent while the rain kept on falling heavily. A medic opened the back doors and two others walked out of it, holding a litter with a wounded man laying on it.

“They look like they’ve been through hell.” Steve observed, sadness in his voice.

“These men more than most.” Peggy hesitated for a moment, as Steve glanced at her. “Schmidt sent out a force to Azzano. Two hundred men went up against him, and less than 50 returned. Your audience contained what was left of the 107th. The rest were killed or captured.”

Steve’s face jerked up to look at the Agent as his heart seemed to stop in his chest. “The 107th?” He asked hoping he had miss heard.

“What?”

Without any hesitation, Steve stood up and started running to Colonel Phillips’s tent. “Come on!” He said to Peggy as he followed him, lifting her coat on top of her head to shield herself from the rain.

Bucky. It was the only thing on Steve’s mind at the moment. He needed to know if his best friend was still alive, he needed to find out he was okay. Then, his head went to Ellie who was probably back home missing him and his heart sank even lower. Steve walked into the tent, not even taking a look around him and walked straight to Colonel Phillips who was signing condolences letters at his desk.

“Colonel Phillips.”

“Well, if it isn’t the Star-Sprangled Man with a Plan. What is your plan today?”

“I need the casualty list from Azzano.” Steve explained.

“You don’t get to give me orders, son.” Colonel Phillips shook his head, but Steve was barely listening to him.

“I just need one name, Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th.” Steve replied, looking down at the desk.

The Colonel turned to Peggy who was standing by Steve’s side and pointed the pen he was holding in his hand towards her. “You and I are gonna have a conversation later that you won’t enjoy.”

“Please tell me if he’s alive, sir. B-A-R…” Steve insisted.

“I can spell.” The colonel cut off Steve and for a second, they glanced at each other. Phillips stood from his chair and turned around, looking at the letters in his hands. “I have signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I’m sorry.”

Steve heart dropped in his chest. His best friend was gone, probably dead and he had never felt more alone than at that moment.

“Colonel Phillips, we need…” A feminine voice raised as a familiar silhouette appeared in the tent. “Steve…”

Ellie was there, standing there, her hair pulled into a bun on top of her head, wearing a nurse uniform and her hands covered with dried blood.

“Ellie, what are you doing here?” Steve inquired, frowning and wondering what she was doing here.

“My job.” Ellie simply stated, offering him a shy smile.

Her eyes were red and a little puffy and it didn’t take more for Steve to realize that she knew Bucky was gone. He wanted to do was walk up to her and pull her into a hug, but this was neither the place nor the time. Instead, a plan started to form in his head, he wasn’t going to give up.

“What about the others? Are you planning a rescue mission?”

“Yes, it’s called winning the war.”

Steve tear his eyes off Ellie and turned back to the Colonel. “But if you know where they are, why not at least…”

“They’re 30 miles behind the lines through some of the most heavily fortified territory in Europe.” Colonel Phillips cut off Steve, walking to the map and showing an area on it. “We’d lose more men than we’d save. But I don’t except you to understand that because you’re a chorus girl.”

Steve jaw and shoulders clenched. “I think I understand it just fine.”

“Well, then understand it somewhere else. If I read the posters correctly, you got someplace to be in 30 minutes.”

Ellie looked at Steve, his eyes still staring at the map of the area. She knew him well enough to know what he was thinking, he was a stubborn man, and he wasn’t going to go give up that easily. But a part of her felt very uneasy about what he was about to do.

“Yes, sir. I do.” Steve simply replied as he started to walk out of the tent.

Ellie looked at the map, shook her head slightly and exchanged a glance with Peggy before she started following him to another tent containing the stage uniforms.

“Steve. Steve stop.” Ellie said loudly over the sound of the rain falling on the tent.

“Look Ellie, I’ve got to do something. And you. You shouldn’t be here. You should be home in New York, safe.” Steve said softly turning towards her. “You’re not even supposed to have graduated yet. Why are you here?” He asked, a point of worry in his voice.

“I graduated early. And I have every right to be here, just like you do.” Ellie replied, a little bit on the defensive. “I can help.”

“That’s not…” Steve sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “That’s not what I meant, Ellie. You know that.” He took her hand in his. “But I got to do something. I got to try at least.”

Ellie looked up at him, eyes filling up with tears as she spoke, her voice shaking slightly. “I can’t lose you. Not you too, Steve.”

“You won’t lose me.” The soldier said, stroking her cheek gently before he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Steve pulled her into a hug and for a moment, they stayed like this simply appreciating being with each other. Ellie was scared, terrified to lose Steve just as she had lost Bucky. She wasn’t ready to lose the only person she had left in her life, but she also knew he wouldn’t change his mind. Steve finally pulled away from her, grabbed a bag and a helmet as Peggy walked into the tent.

“What do you plan to do, walk to Austria?” The Agent asked him, taking of her coat and putting it down on a chair.

“If that’s what it takes.”

“You heard the Colonel. Your friend is most likely dead.” Peggy said calmly.

“You don’t know that.” Steve kept on packing his bag as Peggy exchanged a glance with Ellie who shook her head. She had tried to change his mind.

“Even so, he’s devising a strategy. If he detects…” Peggy tried to explain.

“By the time he’s done that, it could be too late.” Steve interrupted her loudly, anger coming through his voice. He put his leather brown jacket on, grabbed his bag and his shield and started to walk away.

“Steve!” Peggy exclaimed, following him outside of the tent as he headed toward the jeep parked in front of it.

Ellie followed them, feeling completely useless as she watched Steve throw his stuff in the back of a jeep. He stopped for a moment, looked at Ellie before he turned to Peggy.

“You told me you thought I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?”

“Every word.” Peggy assured him.

“Then you got to let me go.” Steve admitted, stepping into the driver seat of the jeep and for a second Ellie contemplated the idea of going with him, maybe she could help somehow.

Peggy looked at her for a second, and both knew he would never change his mind, she stepped out near him. “I can do more than that.”

Steve looked at Peggy and turned to Ellie who unwillingly nodded. If he wasn’t going to change his mind, at least they could try to help him, make things easier for him. Steve was trained, he had the serum running through his vein, but none of them really knew what if fully did.

“Move.” Peggy told Steve, making him slid to the passenger seat as Ellie climbed into the back of the jeep. There was no chance she would leave them now, not until she knew exactly what Steve was going to do.

Peggy drove in silence. She took a road out of the camp and after about five minutes she turned left, taking a road Ellie hadn’t been on before. After a good twenty minutes, she came to a stop on a small airport tarmac and immediately recognized the silhouette standing a few meters away from them. Howard Stark. Ellie stepped out of jeep as Steve grabbed his stuff in the back and followed Peggy.

“Stark, we need your help.” Peggy announced, glancing back at Steve and Ellie.

“Well, hello there. I don’t believe we have met.” Howard pushed his sunglasses on top of his head, looking at Ellie. “Howard Stark.”

Howard offered Ellie his hand but before she could shake it Steve spoke loudly. “Stark. Now is not the time!”

“Right, right.” Howard winked at Ellie who blushed and Steve rolled his eyes, feeling slightly jealous. “What do you need?” The scientist asked, not even questioning Peggy or Steve’s intention.

Howard Stark was a genius, sure he was stubborn, hot headed and a womanizer but when it came to Peggy or Steve, he would do anything to help them and for that, they were both grateful. Peggy explained her plan to Stark, asking him to be their pilot and without even a second thought, he agreed. Peggy and Howard stepped away to prepare the plane as Ellie stayed back a little, sat on a large box in the air-shed, anxiety and fear running through her brain.

The soldier quickly glanced at the Agent and the Scientist who were both too busy to pay them attention and he stepped closer to her squatting down in front of her. He gently grabbed her hands to stop her from twisting nervously her fingers as she always did.

“Hey… Ellie, look at me.” Steve knew what was going through her brain, he could read her like an open book, always had. She looked up at him, her blue eyes meeting his. “I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that.” Ellie whispered, squeezing Steve’s hands as the man stayed silent. “Promise me…” She sniffled. “Promise me, you’ll be careful.”

“I promise you.” Steve gently whipped a tear from her cheek. “And I promise if I find Bucky, I’ll bring him back.”

Ellie nodded slightly and she pushed a piece of hair away from his forehead. She was so terrified to lose him too, and for a second, she wanted to tell him what he meant to her, she wanted to tell him how much she loved him, but she couldn’t find the words. Truth was, Steve was scared too. He didn’t know if he would make it out alive, he didn’t even know exactly what he was walking into, but he had to try to save those men, he would never forgive himself if he didn’t. He looked at Ellie, memorising her face, every single part of those features he loved so much.

“Please come back to me…” Ellie whispered.

Without realising, he brought his face closer to hers, but she was the one who made the first move. She shyly pressed her lips to his, closing her eyes. The kiss was tender, so full of emotions and fears on both ends.

“Hey Cap, we need to go.” Stark’s voice raised from behind, interrupting them and Steve pulled away.

The soldier stood up and gave a last look to Ellie before he walked to the plane. Ellie wrapped her arms around herself as she watched the plane take off, an unease feeling twisting her guts. She didn’t like this; she didn’t like this at all and yet there was absolutely nothing she could do. She wasn’t a soldier; she couldn’t go help Steve even when it was all she wanted to do. Instead, she had to stay back, she had to stay at the base, and she already knew she would be losing herself in her job. There were so many people injured, so many soldiers she had to help that maybe she would be to busy to think about Steve behind enemy lines, alone.

It was almost an hour later, when Peggy’s voice raised from the radio she had in her hand. “Steve’s been dropped behind the line. We’re making our way back.”

“I’m waiting for you at the hangar.” Ellie stated on the radio.

They landed back an hour later; it was completely dark out by then and Ellie couldn’t help but notice the graze of bullets on the Stark’s industries plane. She looked at Stark and Carter walking out of the engine and made their way towards her.

“I guess I’ll see you ladies later.” Stark shot a wink to Agent Carter and walked away.

Ellie followed Peggy back to the jeep. She knew they would both be in trouble as soon as they would be back to the camp, but honestly, they didn’t really care. It was Steve’s decision, and if he managed to save soldiers, then it was a risk he was willing to take and both women were ready to do anything to help him.

“So, you and Steve.” Peggy said quietly, starting the jeep’s engine and driving away.

“What about it?”

“How long have been in love with him?” Peggy kept her eyes on the road.

“I’m no…” Ellie sighed and closed her eyes for a second, there was no point of denying it. “A long time.”

“But you never told him.”

“No. He’s my brother’s best friend. If Bucky knew how I felt about Steve…” Ellie shook her head.

Steve probably didn’t even feel the same way, he had never seen her that way and he never will. Even when he was still a little guy, Steve had never had eyes for her, she had always only been Bucky’s little sister. Sure they had kissed, twice now, but they never talked about it and she knew it wouldn’t change anything.

“Wait. Barnes. Your last name is Barnes.” Peggy said, glancing at Ellie. “Sergeant James Barnes is your brother.” She had never made the connexion before.

“Yes. And it doesn’t matter how I feel about Steve because he will never feel the same way, especially not now, not with the serum.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I see the way Steve looks at you.” Peggy parked the car and turned the ignition off. “And I think it’s been a while for him too. He already talked about you all the time, way before the serum.”

Ellie shrugged. “It doesn’t matter Peggy. We…” She hesitated for a second, stepping out of the car before she looked at the Agent. “We’re in a middle of a war. It doesn’t matter how I feel about him.”

“It does. Love in the time of war is something beautiful, Ellie. Don’t wait too long to let it come into your life, because I think it’s actually the best time to do it.”

With those words Peggy offered her a smile and walked away, leaving Ellie with her thoughts. Was she right? Was Steve really looking at her differently? She didn’t want to think about it, not now, not when she wasn’t even sure he would make it back alive.

****

Chapter six

[aurorawest]

Reading update

Baker Thief by Claudie Arseneault - DNF

I have to admit I didn't give this one much of a chance. I got it in a Rainbow Crate so I felt compelled to at least try to read it, but it's just not my kind of thing, and I DNFed at page 4. Really didn't like the writing style.

Idol Minds by KT Salvo - 2.75/5 stars

Almost DNFed this when I was about 50 pages from the end because it very abruptly lost my attention. I never really liked either of the main characters so I didn't care about their breakup or HEA. Also the sex scenes were weirdly short but also repetitive, somehow?

Fevered Star by Rebecca Roanhorse - 3.75/5 stars

I will be completely honest and admit that I could remember almost nothing of the first book when I started reading this the other day. I remembered that I really liked it, and that was about it. This one was...good?

Ok, so, let me see if I can put this into words. During the pandemic, authors kept writing, right? Especially if they were under contract to produce a series. And for some authors, that was fine. There is no discernible difference in their work. And then other authors, it's like...the anxiety brain fog got baked into their writing. There's nothing technically wrong with it. Things are happening. The characters are still engaging. And yet...sometimes it just feels like...things are happening. Like the author couldn't really process the emotions of the things happening, and thus couldn't really write feeling into the work? So it becomes just Things Happening. And I know how I should feel about it, but I'm not feeling it. Like when the dose of your antidepressant is too high, and you just have no feelings? It's sort of like that.

On the Rooftop by Margaret Wilkerson Sexton - DNF

There's nothing wrong with this book, tbh—it's well written with an interesting setting, characters with depth, and a theme that should, in theory, interest me. That said, I just wasn't feeling it. I won this book from my local bookstore and it's the sort of literary fiction that I read all the time in my teens and early twenties, even though I never really enjoyed it? I'm a genre fiction kid, as it turns out.

My Dear Henry: A Jekyll and Hyde Remix by Kalynn Bayron - 4/5 stars

I really really liked this, and I probably would have rated it higher, except it fell into the trap that a lot of queer retellings of classics do: in being forced to hew to a plot line from a century or more ago, a lot of story and character depth has to be jettisoned. This book did a much better job than The Henchman of Zenda by KJ Charles, but I still found myself wanting a more modern storytelling style. Overall it was really good, though.

Less is Lost by Andrew Sean Greer - 4.75/5 stars

I hated Less for most of the time I was reading it (but it didn't bore me, so that's something). When I got to the end and realized it was a romance, I ended up loving it, but I had to split the difference in my rating, haha. This is the direct sequel and I loved it. It's laugh out loud funny (which I did not find Less to be most of the time) and melancholy, but at its heart is also a love story.

When the Stars Go Dark by Paula McLain - 4/5 stars

A Marvellous Light by Freya Marske - 5/5 stars (reread)

I loved it even more on the reread. I would die for Edwin and Robin. I'm crazy excited for A Power Unbound.

Hoarfrost by Jordan L Hawk - 4.25/5 stars

Such a Quiet Place by Megan Miranda - 3.5/5 stars

I never know how to rate thrillers because honestly, they aren't my genre. This was part of the batch of books I won at trivia from my local bookstore. It was good in that it held my attention and was entertaining (and a bit creepy), but like, I don't know that I'll tell people that they simply must read it. But yeah, I read it in a day, so it's a quick read.

Spell Bound by FT Lukens - DNF

Ugh. Reads like my fantasy epic I was writing when I was 14 (see also: TJ Klune's Verania series). When I'm mentally editing the book as I'm reading, you know that's a bad sign. The first chapter could have been like, 2 pages (instead it was 18). Here's how Chapter 3, which introduces the other main character begins: Summer was such a waste of time and effort. Spring was okay. Autumn was the best. Winter wasn't bad.

Okay???? Great??????? Why do I care? I read for another page after that. Lukens is an author I really, really want to like, but the last two books I've read by them are just obnoxious. I could forgive The Rules and Regulations for Mediating Myths and Magic because it was one of their first books (it might have been their first?), but this...is not their first book, yet that's what it reads like. I suspect this is a manuscript they wrote a while ago, shelved, and brought it back out now that they're having success.

Heart of Dust by HL Moore - 5/5 stars

You know when you read a book that's so good, and you can't figure out why the hell you had to stumble across it by going down some algorithm recommendation rabbit hole? This is one of those books. Gritty and unique sci-fi setting, a backdrop of labor rights, aching gay mutual pining? Please read this.

[nottawriter]

20 questions game

Thank you @luthordamnvers for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Individual stories: 10 (some are series and 1 translation)

2. What’s your total AO3 words count?

Individual stories: 337,399

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Supergirl- Primarily, Arrowverse with the main focus on Supercorp, but other ships as well

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

PRIDE and Prejudice (Super gay retelling of the classic), Tell Me It’s Not Too Late (Post-S4 finale), I Believe in a Thing Called Love (Entire Season 6 episodic rewrite), Wouldn’t It Be Nice (50 First Dates Movie AU/Continuation), What Has Been Lost (Human/Original AU Series).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Usually. I appreciate getting the comments, so I try to repay that effort.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

When She’s Gone, the Darkness Comes

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

PRIDE and Prejudice… though it could be said Lena and Kara both get very happy endings in Speak Now (18+ Explicit Sexual Content)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really “hate”

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

See Question 7 lol… I do have smaller sex scenes in other fics, but nothing that compares in scope

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

My Human/Original AU Series is an amalgamation of original story work with various locations, character names, character descriptions, and/ or conversations, pulled, used, and/ or referenced from throughout all of the CW Arrowverse and DC Comics Universe, though primarily Supergirl. It’s not really crazy, but it is intricately woven throughout the storyline.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, my I Believe in a Thing Called Love into Spanish.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Not yet, but I’m not opposed.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Supercorp... There are others (Avatrice, Caitvi, lots of wlw really), but nothing compares to the hold they still have on me.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I plan on finishing all of my actual WIPs that have writing associated with them. There are a couple of WIP ideas I have that I’m not sure I’ll ever get to… A Christmas fic, one loosely based on the movie D.A.R.Y.L., a couple with other main relationships

16. What are your writing strengths?

No idea… Someone once told me they love the way I sometimes write a singular scene from different POVs, telling the story in pieces to eventually for the whole… Not sure that’s a strength. I guess plotting out the story details then?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Lol stealing @luthordamnvers‘s answer: Actually writing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

English is the only language I really know, so in the past when I’ve needed to write in a different language (I’ve done Spanish and Icelandic), I used Google translator- which I now know is kind of bad at what it’s supposed to do. I need to ask a native speaker to check on the Spanish I’ve done, but I don’t know any Icelanders. For Kryptonian, I use the Doyle dictionary but I don’t know if I do the grammar/ syntax right or not.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Supergirl/ Supercorp.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Oh, this one’s hard… Um, I like a couple of my fics for very different reasons, but I guess the Human/Original AU Series is the one that’s taken the most effort and I’m most proud of… It also started as my first, so you can see how I’ve grown as a writer as it continues which is fun/interesting/embarrassing for me lol

Tags, but no pressure: @casualsavant @itsalliebitheway @fyonahmacnally @natalievoncatte @villainousunsub @vox-ex

[trinkerichi]

TEKVENTURES! I wanna ramble about Tekventures.

if you remember them you qualify for a veterans discount

So they were Sgt.Frog ocs that my best friend SARAZA and I made on flipnote for edgy amvs and comics. I wanna say I wassss 13? give or take. But these little guys were my EVERYTHING. We thought of a billion stories about them. Then I got sick of drawing frogs eventually and wanted to make them more of an original thing. Our first sketches were of anthro goats, but over time with my style changes, an the fact that I hate spending more than 2 seconds drawing anything, they no longer resemble any specific animal and turned into fuzzy nondescript species of alien thing. ANYWAY I wanted to make them into a "real comic series" when i was 17. That's when I started the chapters that are still up on tumblr n webtoons! and a few other sites probably that I forgot about.

I've been harsh on it in the past but honestly I still love it to bits. What's there is a solid little comic and i still think it's adorable!

The only thing is, that's judging it based on what's there. It's a basis for a cute episodic thing with low stakes! Like the early mlp fim episodes or the new care bears cartoon. But that's NOT what it was planned for in the long term. Oh no, I was so ambitious. I had at LEAST 50 episodes planned which would weave together into this massive arc that would introduce other space teams, wayward space travelers with secret pasts connecting to the main cast, sad backstories for everyone, ALL of the family members of the main cast, a villian team with like... 'anti-versions' of the main cast, and a dramatically foreshadowed final confrontation with robot clones that want to destroy their planet. OH AND ROBIN too! Besides all that, they ALSO have multiple side story episodes about crashing to earth and befriending a human girl named Robin who has to keep them secret.

That might have been um. a lot.

But when you start writing a story with your best friend when you're 13 you most likely have NO CONCEPT of "too much". Who am I kidding I STILL have trouble pacing myself. But when you come up with a story it's hard not to think it's just GOLD! And that you've gotta keep it no matter what! Because that stuff is fun!

I went full force into the comic in my senior year of highschool and eventually I finished the first chapter! It took me a year. And then I looked at my plans for the other 49 episodes and thought "maybe I need to rework some things.."

I rebooted the comic once, tried making smaller stories, all that, but I wasn't quite feeling the same drive anymore. I realized I was comparing my work to high budget tv shows with like. a full team of writers and artists. and studio funding. and greenlit seasons and all that. And it was making me feel TERRIBLE about my art!

So I quit comics! I started hating comics! I hated how long they took and how restricted I felt (with my own expectations) and I lost my confidence in finishing projects because I was so sad about giving up on my big magnum opus. and I just kinda gave up and started only doing fandom art for a couple years. I did a jyushimatsu ask blog and kept it up for ages! And then a new season of Osomatsu came out and I realized when comparing it that I was basically writing an oc at this point. And that I CAN commit to long term projects if i dont get self conscious about it!

I still didnt wanna jump into comics again. But I thought of some new characters that I was becoming attached to. the very very beginnings of what could turn into a new idea.

I thought "well i still love cartoons about space! even if im not making tekventures anymore maybe i could do another space story. a really tiny one."

so i started making an rpgmaker game! and it started taking forever. so in the meantime i made a really rough doodle comic about how the characters first met. as a little side story thing.

and THAT was the key. I had to stop thinking about it like i was making a big cool tv show and starting my career and all that. its just a fun thing, off the cuff, not overthinking it, just for fun and personal expression.

so im still going with it! and its GREAT! Rocket chip has 12 planned chapters, and I'll be halfway done by the end of the year.

But BOY did it take me forever to learn that.

[shamera]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @bbcphile 🥰🥰🥰

1. How many works do you have on AO3? site says 21! (I also have 50+ on ff.net from when I was younger, and uhhh idk how many that I shoved into my dreamwidth/livejournal never to see the light of day again.)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 619,848

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently Mysterious Lotus Casebook! (Although I might sneak something for Love and Redemption or Scum Villain.) I am mostly a writer in the Final Fantasy XIII fandom, although I have spent years in Code Geass and Merlin fandoms. Before that, it was Fullmetal Alchemist, Naruto, Harry Potter, and Star Wars.... loads more.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Leave Me Your Starlight, Code Geass fic Nunnally-centric time-travel fix-it

Five Minutes, FFXIII fluff oneshot featuring Noel and Hope

World Enough and Time, Code Geass AU post-apocalyptic rewrite

First (and Second) Impressions, FFXIII modern babysitting AU Noel/Hope

Lost in a Moment (lost in a song), Mysterious Lotus Casebook post-canon fix-it casefic

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try to! I'm, um. I'm really bad at it. In that I will attempt to respond to everyone in the first few days, but then I get distracted doing/writing something else and I am so tunnel-visioned that you won't hear from me until a week later and then I feel bad about taking so long to respond. Also I am very, very bad at responding because while I love love love seeing comments, it's just happy reactions and incoherent noises from me. How do I words to translate my appreciation???

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ...probably everything I wrote as a kid? I have very different ideas on angst nowadays, but I guess while I was writing it... between Gedächtnisse (FMA fic) and Sound of Silence (HP fic), I guess!

Newer stuff might be between The Other (FFXIII fic) and Test Subjects (FFXIII fic).

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I write a lot of fluff pieces nowadays! But overall, probably Something About December (FFXIII fic), since it's a Christmas fic or Family (FFXIII), which was written to give Sazh more support in the third game.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Once, someone pointed out my join date on the website and asked me why I was still writing fanfiction.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I have, but generally don't. Even most of my ships are closer to gen than not. I'm closer to the repulsed spectrum of ace, but I do like attempting to write all sorts of things.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Yes! Love them! I've written a good handful-- but the craziest one was when I was... 10? 11? and I wrote Orions'Ka on a notebook and when I typed it up, it was well over 60,000 words. It had absolutely everything I loved back then.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not by a person, no. By website bots, yes.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I have had... people ask me if they could translate my fics? My answer is always yes, but I don't recall seeing it anywhere.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I had an entire online journal with my best friend back in middle school.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? ...MXTX ships, maybe? I don't feel particularly strongly about ships most of the time, only about characters, who I will ship around for the fun of it. But for MXTX pairings, that just doesn't feel right. They just belong together.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? ....my old Harry Potter stuff, I'm sorry. Not a fandom I got back into again.

16. What are your writing strengths? I've been told it's characterizations! And descriptions.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Everything else. Confidence, I guess. Also energy and interest. And once I overcome those, plot.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? ...me, or fics that do that? Because I've seen fics do that, full on paragraphs of dialogue in the original language but descriptions in English, and I don't understand. But if it's just... an important word, a statement, something the fandom would normally understand kept in its original language because there's just no good translation in English for it, then it absolutely works. Some things don't translate well, and fans usually like learning more about their canons. I personally try to keep things mostly in English nowadays, though, but I slip time to time.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Star Wars. I was in the single digits age, and wrote an introspective ficlet on Luke and Leia's feelings about how the original trilogy's ending, sitting together on Endor to watch it all burn.

20. Favorite fic you've written? ...I don't know if I have one. I either tend to be proud or hate what I've written, depending on the day, my mood, wind speeds, and cats. Currently I want to say Lost in a Moment, because I finished that recently and I had so many doubts about it so I'm proud I got through it.

Tagging... omg, anyone who still follows me all the way from FFXIII days and writes, or all the way from the Gundam Wing days gosh.

but also @seventhstrife, @rhystheceo, @teekettle, @adriannasharp @tunnelofdusk ��� ya'll suffer through my random selection because I know you guys are writerssss

[terapsina]

Ask Game: hizzie (#1, 6, 10) hope mikaelson & lizzie saltzman (#8, 9, 10, 16, 17)

(from this ask game I made)

Hizzie:

1. ...about my absolute favorite of their scenes and why I love it so much.

"I hate this. I hate how many good memories I have of you. I hate that I have to be the one to do this, because no one else will. But most of all… I hate you. For being my friend, and for being apart of my weird messed up family and for making me love you, Hope Mikaelson."

Okay, so they have SO MANY great scenes to choose from and I think I'm obsessed with every single one but it's just hard to beat a '10 Things I Hate About You' love confession okay?

Also I love what it SAYS about them. Okay, so see, textually Hope is Lizzie's hero. But subtextually I'd argue that Lizzie is actually Hope's knight in shining armor. Lizzie is the one who saves her from a breakdown in the middle of the dance. Lizzie's the one who remembers her and makes her less alone. Lizzie's the one who pulls her out of the monochrome 50's noir movie. And Lizzie's the one who goes after her when she's lost her way. The one who tries to bring her back with - and let me repeat myself here - WITH A LOVE CONFESSION.

And yeah, that last one doesn't work. Except that I'm pretty sure that it nearly does. Which is WHY Hope snaps her neck. I think Lizzie nearly managed to touch her, and Hope felt it, and this made Lizzie a threat. The kind of threat that Josie and Rebekah hadn't been. And that, my friends, I find fascinating.

6. ...what kind of AU fics I'm obsessed with reading about them (or would be if I could find one).

I largely prefer Canon Universe fics that go off script because of an alteration here or there; a what if that led them down here instead of there. But... I guess I would really love to read a Slayer Lizzie/Turned Slayer Hope fic? Idk I just think that might be a fascinating way to explore them.

10....rate the level of stupid they reach in their pining.

Oh. So. VERY. Stupid.

So clearly Lizzie reaches the light first. But BEFORE that she comes up with a list for the Perfect Love she wants and describes Hope. She tries to matchmake Hope so hard it's like she's confessing that she's in love with Hope to the guy she's trying to matchmake Hope with.

Meanwhile Hope? Somehow totally seems to miss multiple love confessions, or to snag across what it mans that Lizzie was sired to her (okay, so I partially blame the very terrible Vampire 101 at that school but you'd think that in a family of... *does math*... 6-ish vampires it might have come up?). And she does catch that Josie used to have a crush on her but completely MISSES the implication that she thought her sister would have made a move too?

Also, Hope wrote herself into Lizzie's fanfic as a kid. And yet doesn't notice how maybe. Crushing might have mayhaps been happening?

Dum-dums want gum-gums level of dumb, okay? Dear evil gods but I love them so much.

-

Hope Mikaelson:

8. ...a headcanon I have about this character.

She wasn't supposed to be able to turn her humanity off as an Original of her line, so she did it by force, which is why there seemed to be this split in her personality that's never been a thing for any other vampire we've been shown turning their feelings off.

Like, Hope pushed all her feelings deep inside and slammed the wall down and cut herself in half. Which is why in my perfect season 5 (💔) she would have had to accept the No Humanity side of herself and reintegrate it back into the larger whole of Hope Andrea Mikaelson.

9. ...which of their relationships I would have cultivated more if it were up to me (both romantic and platonic).

Well, I know she's dead but I would have brought up Hayley in relation to Hope more. She did have a mom she lost, not just a dad.

Also I would have added a lot more off-screen contact between her and the family she STILL HAS. The Mikaelsons aren't DEAD. She's got aunts and uncles and one brother/uncle, and her mother's pack, and the New Orleans coven of witches.

Also, I think I'd have liked to minimize the amount of scenes Hope had with Alaric. Cuz like nine times of ten they just made me vaguely uncomfortable.

Probably would also have had Hope hanging out with every other person in school, because it did feel like Landon was monopolizing ALL her screentime for like two out of four seasons.

10. ...if I liked them immediately or if took a while before I warmed up to their character. Alternatively, if I disliked them immediately or if they lost my trust as their story progressed.

Oh I absolutely loved Hope from the beginning. Though it took me a while to really understand what made her click, because I've only watched her scenes from The Originals and not the entire show that probably gives a more fully fleshed out background.

But yeah I liked Hope from the beginning, and by the end? I utterly adored her.

16. ...my very shallowest of opinions on this character.

Girl. Pretty.

17. ...how well they'd do if they got dropped in a horror movie.

Oh, there's only two options here. Either she gets dropped there and this is NO LONGER A HORROR STORY because she beats the killer as soon as they attack. Or otherwise, she kills the killer as soon as she gets dropped there and becomes the monster of the horror movie herself (if we're talking about the No Humanity!Hope).

-

Lizzie Saltzman:

8. ...a headcanon I have about this character.

She was always going to become a heretic whatever else took place. It was always part of her plan B, and not even one she was really dreading. She might not have been ready when what's-his-face tried to turn her by force, but a part of her knew she'd choose to turn eventually. Which is both why she drank blood as insurance and why I think it was so easy for Lizzie to forgive Hope her turning.

Also. I think a part of why Lizzie went on so long being oblivious about her feelings for Hope was because after Josie finally told them about her old crush, Lizzie didn't want to be a person who would move in on her twin's potentially still existing crush (which I actually don't think Lizzie needed to worry about, by that point in their lives it didn't actually look like Josie had any more romantic feelings for Hope at all).

9. ...which of their relationships I would have cultivated more if it were up to me (both romantic and platonic).

I think Lizzie needed a really safe and utterly platonic friend (Hope doesn’t count because she had feelings for her (fight me on this, I dare you), and MG didn't count because he never stopped having feelings for her). So I wish she'd had a lot more scenes with Kaleb.

10. ...if I liked them immediately or if took a while before I warmed up to their character. Alternatively, if I disliked them immediately or if they lost my trust as their story progressed.

You kidding? They were my favorite from pretty much the word go. Though... I guess the moment I went full ride-or-die for her was during the Genie wish!verse episode.

16. ...my very shallowest of opinions on this character.

GIRL. PRETTY.

17. ...how well they'd do if they got dropped in a horror movie.

A bit touch and go in the beginning because she'd panic. But she's definitely a Final Girl if I've ever seen one, so once the panic waned she'd just be really, really mad.

[soeuntv]

hi guys!! i'm liv and this is my cocky, shittalking tennis queen, cha soeun! ‪v v v excited to write with everyone (but also am an absolute noob at tennis. i literally know nothing about it. i had to chatgpt so many things so i apologize if anything is not the most accurate!!!) but anyways, u can find her condensed intro below - apologies if her characterization is still a little bit of a WIP because i tend to build my character as i plot & write, but anyways, please hit like if you'd like to plot!! i'm also good with dc or ims!

key info

cha soeun, twenty four (jan 11 2000)  national team tennis player capricorn sun, capricorn moon, aries rising entj  

personality

label: the spitfire, the heel alignment: lawful evil positive: ambitious, undeviating, tactical, confident, resilient, ebullient negative: cocky, irreverent, brash, volatile, impatient, fiery neutral: unapologetic inspirations: heavily inspired by novak djokovic. other inspirations include succession’s shiv roy, gossip girl’s blair waldorf, the seven husbands of evelyn hugo’s evelyn hugo

career

turned professional at 15

rose to prominence at 16 after defeating the world ranked 50 and made it to the finals of the miami open where she ultimately lost (and threw somewhat of a fit. she broke her racquet and smashed a ball into the crowd. you can watch it on youtube. probably included in one of her many ‘cha soeun's worst behaviours’ videos) - earned praise for her resilience, but also got shit on a lot for how “unprofessional” she acted 

played tournaments regularly following that but failed to win any major titles, although she did walk away with a few runner-up medals & won some smaller competitons

was still enough to get her called up to the national team at 18 (though not without a warning to get her shit together. she behaved for like three matches)

won her first major tournament, australia open at 21

hit her career best at 23, winning 3 grand slams in a year

off the court, she has been scrutinzed a lot for her lack of sportsmanship and irreverent attitude to most things. very polarizing to the public; some of the criticism is valid, but others not so much

the kind to chat shit before a game to mess with her opponent’s head. the kind to play with a demoralizing style, forcing opponents to play more impatiently, hit harder and take more risks. will pull out of a tournament if she thinks she will lose (her most infamous excuse was having a sore throat. was spotted at a karaoke bar the next day - she was very heavily criticized for this, and even soeun admits it was shitty of her to do that) 

undeniable that she’s very talented and very hardworking, considered one of asia’s top tennis players but she just has a horrible attitude that makes it hard for some people to support her 

background

wont add much but crazy, uber competitive family. father is ceo of a fintech company, mother is a healthcare cfo (i’m thinking her dad is some cocky tech bro who you love to hate. el*n musk dupe??) 

basically raised their kids on steroids - find something you’re good at and stick with it. be the best at it. anything less than #1 is not accepted  

soeun got lucky at five and realized that she liked tennis! and she was pretty fucking good at it.

her younger sibling was not as fortunate and spent their whole lives trying to find something they were good at and ultimately failing. soeun holds them as a reminder of why she needs to always keep trying and always be the best because there's no way she'll let herself end up like her younger sibling.

anyways yeah she just kept training and playing tennis. signed away her childhood but the fame and glory and attention was always more fun anyways 

trivia

shes messy but it’s not like she actively tries to be? when you’re raised in a crazy competitive family where shit talk is the normal way of life.. it’s just how you live life

she’s very much an entertainer. invited to a few variety shows, which she excels at because she’s just loud and bright and funny (but she’s not allowed to go on anything live. she’s a tad too unpredictable for that) 

genuinely believes in herself. the cockiness isn’t an act, she is genuinely and truly believes that she is the greatest and she can do anything. she doesn’t think that she deserves all the gold just because she's cha soeun - but because she knows that she’s talented and she works her ass off. 

on that note, she is very, very, very dedicated to her sport. incredibly hard worker. will stay till dawn. will practice till her fingers are calloused and bloody!!

potential plots

first love! shes bi so i would love something where your muse has trained with her all their lives and you broke up but now you’re friends and she’s forcing herself to laugh around you and everything thinks it’s SO cool that exes can be friends but truth is it hurts!!! alot!!! 

enemies!! someone who thinks soeun should shut the fuck up or that she’s ruining the beautiful sport of tennis or the olympics in general 

besties <3 or unlikely friends!!! a soft spoken sweet person to match soeun’s fiery nastiness 

enemies to fwbs… on the contrary, two very similar hot-heads! always at each other’s throat, sexual tension, you know the likes

pr friendship. she’s lowkey a pr mess and her team wants to “clean her image up” before the olympics so they pair you two together! idk they can end up being friends or beefing whatever works

the only other person who stays as late as she does. doesn’t have to be a fellow tennis player but someone who understands the #grind. sharing late night protein shakes after practicing till 3am vibes?? 

other tennis players!!

we can brainstorm!! i’m just vomiting cause as everything with life, i have procrastinated writing this intro until the very last minute! hehe

[americanrecord]

did u lose a lot of your followers when u ditched your other blog and your gnr hyperfixation? I never see very much interaction from people like before when I scroll through your blog now and it makes me feel sad. :(

oh yes! i lost like 90% of them lol. this is probably in part due to the fact i left so quickly. i’d erased my old + moved to this one in a span of a few hours. my leaving message didn’t have much time to circulate and i wasn’t super interested in doing that. when i got to this blog, i only followed so many people too!! i just followed people i interacted with or reblogged from regularly, and that was only about 50 or so people. i had a lot of followers on my old blog, but a good portion were dead/inactive or just like …there for the pictures, or there for the band content and not necessarily the writing, or there just for the writing, and only that type of writing. not what i have going on here.

which brings me to my main point — which is just this blog no longer serves a purpose to many! which is fine!! they followed me when i wrote that series and the suicide blonde deal (i don’t have a series name yet) is not that. plainly put, it’s not, and every day, it loses touch further. understandably, people liked to interact on that blog, not only because we all knew the characters and/or source material, but because they were getting a steady flow of work every week! about 10k! which, looking back, was insane. i don’t know how i tolerated some of the hate i received.

but there was always something to talk about. always something to explore, or question, or predict. here, everything is on a much smaller scale and is chained up in a metaphorical safe. obviously, if anybody is interested in reading it, i’m very open to receiving feedback, but i’m also nearing the end of the writing process, so i hope to get to a point where i can share my work again, because the community aspect was my fave part. by farrrrr!!

so i still take questions & would love to answer them always, but i know this work is also not what people originally followed me for, so i get why interest dropped off. the most i can say is that i’m glad my own has not.

also, on gnr, i don’t interact with them online anymore, but i so very much still love the band! i think i’m listening to them now more than i did back then because of the space. it’s been really nice to sort of detach everything the music says with something i’ve written about, and to go back to enjoying it for what it is - a band, and my favorite one at that. on my last.fm—it shows there was a time is one listen away for beating scom as my second most listened to song (granted i only got the app in june 2020)(first is still november rain), but how crazy is that? chinese democracy (album) flying up in my ranks/stats sorta lets me know that i’m close to the band and voice again 🤍