#when it's just a sign I'm struggling

[clfixationstation]

great, just found out my constant efforts to combat my ADHD are not working and I'm still accidentally hurting the people I care about. I hate it here. I just don't want to hurt people why is that so hard...

I thought I was doing such a good job, I'm constantly trying to make sure I'm responding to people adequately because I've been yelled at so much over it and I really want to make people feel valued and make sure they know I'm giving them my attention. I work so hard to not interrupt others during conversation, I try so hard to maintain attention to conversations, I try so hard to pay attention to my surroundings so that I don't ignore friends, I try so hard to push past rejection sensitivity so that I can help people - but apparently it's all useless

I guess I'd rather know. I'll still keep trying. It just really hurts

[d1sc01nf3rn0]

I'm seeing a lot of people with neurodivergency, specially under the autism spectrum say that "Laios is annoying, never shuts up, is insensitive, and I can't stand him"; and the irony is not lost on me lmao.

[rinbylin]

okay... idk at all if this has been discussed or that I'm just stating the obvious. I'm posting any way to get more feedback.

so. can we be sure that the last boat scene even happened (in the way we saw it at least)

yeah the letter was delivered to the intended recipients. the letter also did say 李相夷绝笔 lit. the final writing by li xiangyi. there's a brief exchange between him and the assumed "boatman" asking him where he was going. and we see he spat blood while writing yeah but:

llh/lxy's eyesight had been failing for some time.

Professional Letter Writers are a thing in the past in service to people who can't write their own letters (idk enough to verify the historical accuracy in this specific context though)

what has been bugging me since forever is the manner of speech of the letter. yeah it's different from their everyday speech, but that's actually perfectly fine since this is A Letter so I'm good with it being more formal. but... there's something I just can't quite pinpoint. especially with the use of the 君 jun pronoun by llh/lxy to refer to dfs when there could be other pronouns with less connotations of intimacy (and scholarly/imperial court system) implied and still conveyed cordiality, marking a shift in their relationship. (I'm not well versed with wuxia as a genre enough to know what are the conventions. someone else who does can say something though.)

whatever these put together means (eg. he may not have written the letter personally, or he wrote it in a different situation from what we saw, etc etc.) alongside:

this scene existed only as part of a visualisation as the letter content is revealed to the audience (or assumed to be fdb reading the letter to dfs & guests of the wedding spectators of the duel)

the boat lxy/llh jumped on is not the same as the one he was writing the letter on - the boatman is also not on it despite the conversation at the beginning, but lxy/llh's dressing and hairpin are the same as the ones before he jumped. (the boatman delivered the letter so he's real though.)

also as @wonderfulnonsense happened to have just pointed out in the tags left in my other post: it's in fact the same boat he took to go fight dfs at donghai 10 years ago. (edit: or maybe it isn't? as pointed out by anon.)

if we viewed whatever we perceived in this scene as imaginary (not what actually happened), then the reading of it being a metaphor for lxy/llh being on his way to enlightenment just makes sense. (the boat being a carrier on his spiritual transformations.) especially when you consider that 彼岸 the other shore is another concept in buddhism to represent enlightenment, alongside the motif of lotuses. (credits to @markiafc for the buddhism reading - edit: mark's meta here) and then, consider the beach ending... yeah.

[zhongrin]

I FINALLY MOVED OUT TO A NEW PLACE!!!

i'm absolutely exhausted and i still need to unpack so many things and i still need to buy a proper desk and restock my groceries & supplies and a do a whole lot of other things BUT i'm hoping to get settled in soon so i can get back to the creative endeavors™️✨

love yall, stay safe, take care, and good vibes 🫶🏻

[halcyoncyrus]

Sketched this while watching the new season because he's on my mind 24/7 and it's a problem.

Fanart of @map-of-obsessions ' fic because I couldn't stop thinking about Johnny finally finding someone who cares about him.

(please read it)

I think when Johnny's feeling overwhelmed he'd have difficulty getting the words out too and he'd find it easier to communicate in other ways while he calms down (sign language, tapping in response to things, facial expressions ect).

[crimsontroupe]

Thinking about shipping on this good nice and peaceful day. Mostly because I have seen other people talking about it... and I do enjoy shipping!!! A lot!!! I just feel so awkward even asking. Like, ohhh yeah do you wanna smack barbies together?? Who can ask something like this and not combust....

I know a lot of my characters seem really difficult to approach or romance, but with the exception of one (Adonia) they are... all... free game... please... I'm dying...

[tastycitrus]

when you're reading a story with cass in it and she's blatantly written out of character

when they also have her use sign language when she has never used it or ever suggested that she knows it in mainline canon

[ikamigami]

I have such a bad feeling that Sun's going to die on July 16th, it just has that vibe, and/or he learns Dazzle's secret and then dies

Yeah.. I think the same, dear anon..

I have a feeling that Sun will willingly die.. idk what will happen though..

[monster-noises]

I'll put this under a cut and also don't read the tags if like... talk about what might be disordered eating habits or like.. struggling with food/eating are an issue for you.

I drink my tea and I try not to think about it, I eat my dinner and I try not to think about it, I worry that I've been trying not to think about it too much (despite calculating every meal and snack as carefully as I can with some exceptions for special occasions, which haunt me like regretful specters) and so I've Fucked myself, So I think about it, Everything in my brain starts to scream and, despite being hungry, I don't want to eat anymore or ever again, because clearly everything Bad and Dangerous, doubly so if it's Tasty and brings me Joy and if eating isn't Enjoyable then what's the fucking point? and I'm starting to think there Are no Good Foods Anyway, everything's going to add to the blazing pyre that Will kill me (It's a manageable disease that thousands if not millions of people live with, if it even develops, but it is still very dangerous and that frightens me) and I have no way of keeping track of what's happening inside my body or knowing if I'll ever not feel frayed and stressed and anxious (which affects my work and my art, which is the biggest most heartbreaking theft in all of this) or be able to enjoy a nice meal ever again and then I Spiral Spiral Spiral and Spiral, and then I realize I need to be up at 5am and I keep eating dinner and trying not to think about it.

[moonchild-in-blue]

Oh, and I know I can tell I'm falling further again But I won't turn away It's far too late for me

(It's too late for me / It's too late)

I can't really put into words how much of an iron grip this song has on me. Especially that last part, where he repeats "It's too late for me" - I can't listen to it without tearing up and waiting to sing along from the top of of my lungs. It's one of those where I desperately wish I didn't relate to it, but in a weird, sick way, I'm glad I do.

It's SUCH a cathartic feeling to just put in on full volume and sing along. I just know Vessel must've had such a visceral moment recording this (all of their songs really, but yeah).

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Yeah I'll try not to post much here (ADHD memory I'll try my best) for the strike as it's all I can do, maybe some Palestine posting for it too, so I'll save ask answers and fnaf posting for afterwards. There's currently a big ol' storm here at the moment making the internet a bit spotty so it's not like it's easy to post right now anyway so you're not really gonna be missing much

And to the anon in my inbox, hi I see you. You're not annoying or anything with your asks I'm just slow and now participating in the strike so I'm sorry but you'll probably be waiting a spell for those answers. Doing what I can, even if it's tiny, is more important right now I feel

[blue-madd]

Made an AU for Ian and Naïl where they're called Jack and Eden bc why not

After the "barista x vet assistant" version, here's the "bass player x influencer" version~ (+ their lil apartment)

Plot was so simple : influencer finds himself at a concert and compliments the bass player for his skills who instantly becomes obsessed w him and casually starts crashing at his place

Also the apartment was made based on inspo I found on Pinterest so really no original idea for this one (I have never been so uninspired lmao)

[cheekblush]

just woke up from a horrible dream about my chemistry final tomorrow 😭

[evilkitten3]

btw i decided to restart my undertale replay bc i wanted to play through in japanese (both the practice and out of curiosity) and. i gotta say the way they handled the fonts for sans and papyrus was not what i was expecting

[seepingfrommyskin]

me when people mischaracterize mike and will

[dredshirtroberts]

hey guess what my car trauma includes the *inside* of the car too apparently! :D :| idk i feel like getting made fun of for having to eat fast food in my car between work and school while my catalytic converter shat itself to the point that my back seat footwells were filled completely with various QSR trash maybe gave me some sort of complex. Just a hunch though, who knows.