#when the last post clearly states it's not active anymore

[chloeangelic]

addressing the drama (with receipts)

I wanted to have my ducks in a row before speaking out instead of just responding; I’m not doing this to change anyone’s opinions - it’s really not possible change someone’s perception of me even if it’s based on falsehoods - but I need to do this so I know I’ve said and shown what needs to be shown, and people can do with it what they please. 

To the readers and writers who have blocked me, unfollowed me, and mutuals who have stopped talking to me over this - I’m really, really sad you didn’t come to me first and give me the opportunity to explain what was going on. I understand if you wanted to distance yourself from drama but I also need you to understand that this was not discourse-drama I willingly got myself into. This was a month of frequent harassment and slander that eventually turned into bullying by a group of people using false info, hiding behind side blogs and anons, and I hoped it would blow over but it never seemed to stop. With anons turned off for most of the last two months, people have gone to my friends’ inboxes instead to harass them about me (and insult them in the process), and I can’t do this anymore.

I feel so alienated and disliked in this community that I can’t go on the dash without feeling like I shouldn’t interact with anyone out of fear that they’ll get uncomfortable seeing me in their notifs. People keep saying they want the community to get better and then they jump on the bandwagon of vague posting and RBing without taking a second to verify the claims, clearly not realizing how much hurt it causes to perpetuate it. If you’re reading this, I  hope your name isn't the next one they pull out of the hat when they want someone new to push off the platform. 

Explanations, timelines and receipts below. 

-

For anyone waiting for an explanation regarding the posts and anons about me that have circulated for weeks, or waiting for receipts proving or disproving that I’m a mean girl who spends my time talking shit, here you go. I am so beyond hurt, I don’t even know what to say. I’m floored, I’m so disappointed in this community and I’m so sad. In the last two weeks, I stayed up until 4am one night receiving screenshots of posts and anons about me, I cried, I tried to understand why this has happened to me, and I have sat here day after day with no answers. 

If you think I’m being melodramatic, try losing a quarter of your mutuals and having a bunch of people block you when you’ve had either no interaction with them or they’ve all been positive, and see how that feels, on top of constant rumors about you being a terrible person when you know you’ve barely had any negative interactions with anyone on the platform. I can’t be on tumblr any longer without exonerating myself and putting it out there that all of this has been one gigantic mess based on lies about me, seemingly compounded by grievances people have against Gracie (some one whose personal conversations have nothing to do with me). Either I do this, or I log out forever and only post on ao3, cause I feel like the fucking grim reaper here. Posts about me being an awful person are still circulating, despite the original post being deleted and the follow up stating that the OP has talked to me and they have apologized.

I’m not naming names in this. I will be using person A/B/C/D to make it less confusing. I’ve removed identifying information from the screenshots because even though I’m hurt by these people, I know that they will get dogpiled and harassed if I identify them, and I want it all to stop. Several have apologized to me and I have accepted. 

Sometime in December, rumors started circulating that there was a “big/elite writers discord” where they talked shit about small writers (I’m not in any discords specifically for writers and I have never heard of such a server). At about the same time, person A - someone who was very active in my own, now-deleted discord server, started frequently vagueposting about me, calling me a mean girl and, intentionally or not, made it seem like I was part of this “elite group of writers”. This is someone who I have never had a negative interaction with and who seemingly out of nowhere decided that I call myself elite and I’m a terrible person. 

Person B had some grievances with myself, Iris, and Gracie it seemed, so they went to person C and accused us of talking shit in our voice chats. I assume person A and B have talked about me at some point and validated each other’s claims, but I can't know that for sure. Person B messaged me from a burner account and apologized, then seemingly deleted the account after I responded.

Gracie frequently posted about us three chatting, and although I understand this might have felt alienating to some, many writers are open about having group chats with each other. All we did was write, edit, and Gracie sometimes made memes. We talked about non-fic stuff often, and when Gracie had an issue with other writers and she was upset, we talked about it. That’s what friends do. She knows that I believe those situations were handled poorly. One of those situations came to light recently - I had a very pleasant conversation with the writer involved, and we are still in touch.

I have spoken to person C, who posted the most “popular” smear post about me and some of my friends. They retracted their statements and profusely apologized to us, admitting it was based on stuff they heard from person B, showing me screenshots of the conversation. However, their original posts are still circulating through reblogs despite being deleted from their account. 

Person D also posted about me and my friends, however their post was sort of ridiculous, accusing me of spending more time replying to anons than writing. I found this funny, but the way they slut shamed my friend was absolutely not humorous, and dragging a random writer in to criticize them was a strange attempt at adding fuel to the fire. 

-

And for the receipts, 

I blocked person A after seeing a handful of vague posts clearly about me, and after they interacted with every single rude anon posted about me that I saw. I think that’s reasonable, no? I’m not gonna post screenshots of their posts cause I honestly just don’t want to look at them again, they make me feel kind of sick if I'm honest, but if anyone doesn’t believe me, they are welcome to DM me and I will send. 

Person B messaged me, admitted to partaking in this mess, and apologized. This is part of a LONG message:

Person C apologized over message and called me on discord. We had a conversation clearing things up, they deleted their posts and wrote a public apology. 

If you need any proof that person B’s claims were, in fact, baseless, look at this exchange between person B and person C after person C had cleared things up with me.

Person D honestly just creeps me out, cause what the fuck is this? Fine if you don’t like me based on my writing or my persona on here but… Why the witch hunt? 

ETA: Person C asked person D to take down their post and they never responded. This was sent prior to that, I know the full context, I just thought this specific part was worth sharing to show how vile some people allow themselves to be behind burner accounts.

What kind of behavior is this? This was from a sideblog, and I don't know what their main account is. It creeps me the fuck out knowing this person is lurking somewhere in the community.

I have hated every moment of this. None of this has been fun for me. This has completely fucked up my motivation to write and my enjoyment of it, it has made me anxious, it has messed with my self esteem, and it has made me want to log out of Tumblr and not come back. 

Please, I beg, if you have an issue with me, just come to me and I promise I will have a conversation with you. You can’t tell people’s tone over anon and I don’t think that’s a good way to have a conversation, especially one about something that should be solved in private, so they remain off, but my DM’s are open. 

I'm so sick of seeing vagueposts and trying to decipher if they're about me. Having to do that a bunch of times messes with your head.

I'm not sure what to do moving forward, but I needed to say my piece. I don't want to talk about this again, I want to put this behind me. I seriously hope this doesn't wreck my last remaining want to share my writing on here.

Thanks again to everywhere who has supported me in my DMs and comments, you mean the world to me 🤍🤍🤍 And if you found yourself duped by all this but change your opinion on me now or eventually, I won't hold a grudge, and I'm happy to speak again and pick up where we left off.

[novembermorgon]

pls i need more info about rosamund!!! what house was her mother from? does she have siblings? do she and tyland have kids together? does she live in KL with him? what does she think of the royal family? ty!!!

omg .. :-) ask and you will receive! let me try to keep it somewhat brief... (i will fail)

rosamund is one of six children!! her mom is a serrett and her father was lord of castamere during viserys reign. she's the third child and she has one older brother, one older sister and three younger sisters.

sometime around 117 ac she begins a notably long courtship with tyland that lasts about 5 years (the only reason it just goes on and on is because she's exceptionally shy and anxious . it's kind of funny in the sense that they're just kind of skirting around it for years and years and every time they manage to prolong it by just never speaking very clearly to each other and somehow dodging direct confrontation for 5 years). eventually though they get married and they ARE very happy together.

in my mind she ends up sticking around in king's landing permanently after that . i like to think she becomes one of alicent's ladies in waiting because they're close in age and have cause to stick around each other a bit. in general though she's definitely not especially interested in court politics, prefers to keep to herself and mind her business and just sort of enjoy life at court (not that king's landing has ever been very fun ...) .

she never ends up having any kids with tyland .. i think it's sort of a spiral that goes down and down and down and eventually hits rock bottom for her if that makes sense - she definitely would want children but it's also very frightening to her. she worries about childbirth and then she worries about not being a good mother and it makes her anxiety very physical which leads to her miscarrying once, after which they kind of just stop trying, more for her comfort than anything else ..

when the war breaks out she's sort of pulled into it by default on account of her husband being on the small council ... </3 but again she herself is never really an active participant. she sits and worries and tries to keep herself out of the way. i feel like she has very complicated feelings on the royal family .. doesn't understand their drive for conflict and doesn't know why they, as a family, don't seem at all willing to make amends and communicate with each other - there's a frustration there especially when their conflict is pushed so heavily onto the rest of westeros. nobody benefits, nobody wins, nobody is ever left with anything but pain. she's closer to alicent than any of the other royals, but even then she sort of starts to hesitate in spending too much time with her when the war really gets going and she's wrapped up in it more wholly . struggles to understand and struggles to find common ground with her anymore so they drift apart.

when king's landing is taken over in 130 she's brought down into The Dungeons alongside tyland and kept there for as long as rhaenyra is on the throne. she knows absolutely nothing but she's tyland's wife so the thought is Well of course she knows where the crown's gold is because she's married to the guy who managed it and he's had to tell her something. unfortunately it results in very little information but a lot of really bad trauma. she doesn't get the worst of it but you can imagine . it's like this

post-war given how things turned out for both of them her and tyland are kind of left in this state of eternal .. stasis, almost ... they can't have children, they're sort of trapped at court endlessly for better or worse, they're getting older by westerosi standards ... but they definitely find some peace in that. even if she can't have kids on her own and even if her husband scares the other ladies at court she doesn't ever really have any want for things to change . never looks elsewhere for companionship even when she's reassured that it'd be fine and never makes the misery of their circumstances be a reason to turn elsewhere . when things settle back down somewhat i like to imagine she's genuinely happy for a bit . she wears her little veil every time she goes out both because i imagine she believes it'll make tyland feel less bad about not being able to show his face much and because she doesn't want to be perceived LOL

i think she spends a lot of time with jaehaera and aegon iii in the little period of time around 130-133 ac ... sort of gets to step in and try to look after these horrifically depressed children while half of court is busy trying to pick up the pieces of a terrible terrible civil war. they're also in some sense sort of stand-ins (in a pretty normal way, obviously she knows they're not Her children and they don't really see her as a mother either but they have that bit of a connection of taking care of someone - someone to care for you) for the children she didnt have herself .

she lives through the winter fever in 133 but kicks the bucket pretty soon after. ending on a bad note .. as usual .. she sees tyland die and sees alicent die and her mind sort of gives out and her body follows . when your anxiety makes you go OUhghuhhhhhhhhhhhh and fall over dead. probably right before jaehaera also ends up in her ... unfortunate situation ..

thats all . very summarized this is just me rambling but what's new..

[el-buzz]

Too much work!! :c

A Cg! Clay x Agere! Reader fic

This was sort of self-indulgent because I’m sort of in a spot where I seriously have to focus on schoolwork which obviously can be really draining so I tried to scrap this together whenever I had free time :D

(^such a lie I did all this when I should’ve been doing work or sleeping dinwhdjsjdh)

it’s not the best but I wanted to feed myself and anyone else interested in cg! Clay

Again it’s mostly kiddo at start but then goes into more toddler/babyish reader at the end

3.1k+ words :D!! (Yeah I traded quality for quantity 😭😭)

Cross posted on Ao3 at Soft_Buzz!!

Let's just say you haven't been having the best month. Seriously, it hasn't been easy to stay happy, but you really do try your best! It's not your fault that everything just seems like too much. You wanted to help Clay with his tasks. You know, help a loved one out! Unfortunately, the paperwork and amount of tasks you had were overwhelming. Checking the safety of the old gold courses, the amount of food left before needing to send another party out for scavenging, and even the functionality of the new security that had been set up was draaaaaaaining.

Sure you did have Clay to help you out with the accounting, buuuut by the time you were done with everything, you were just too tired to even function!! At least the praise he would give you provided you with some energy and motivation. You genuinely have no idea how Clay seems to find joy in any of this and even has the energy to participate in other activities like his sad book club. You weren't barely even able to spare time to read for funsies or scrapbook at all!

Currently, you were doing the most simple of reports in the admin building, but your brain just will not budge. You just can't concentrate or recall any information at all. You read parts of paperwork, but gosh it all just seems like mumbo jumbo to you. Poor you, staring at the paper desperately hoping for things to align and make sense, but you were just so tired and irritated too!!

All this serious business was genuinely so not your forte, but you wanted to impress Clay by helping him out. But clearly, your plan wasn't working out too well... You didn't want to disappoint him. You wanted him to be proud of you and tell you how good you've done!!

Overwhelming guilt got a hold of you, and tears began to spill down your cheeks. You just wanted a break. You needed a break. You couldn't handle this. It was too much. Gosh even your skin felt like too much and chewing on one of your fingers clearly wasn't helping. The pen in your hand shook from your hold. Your breath hitched, and it started to get hard to breathe. Ignoring your tears, you decided to try to continue the report with shaky handwriting. Tears fall onto the fresh ink. You tried to clean them off by swiping away, but you only managed to smudge the ink and ruin the report.

That was your last straw. Nope no no no. You whined. As you start taking in your situation, you begin to sob. You throw your pen and crumble the stupid report out of frustration. You just couldn't anymore. You sniffled and tried to hold back your emotions. The last thing you wanted to do was make a mess that you would have to clean up. You let the tears fall as you hiccup and bring your legs up to your chest.

Unfortunately, your state doesn't improve when you hear the door of the admin building creak open. Shoot shoot shoot. You panic as you try to get rid of your tears by rubbing them off with your hands. You quickly get back to sitting correctly and try to hide your face from view. The last thing you wanted was for Clay to see you like this.

"Heyy Y/n," Clay says as he enters. From the sound of his tone, he clearly had his usual upbeat smile. "You've seriously got to try that new cheese combo that Viva made. It's killer" He takes note that you're quiet and really focused on some paperwork. "Okay.. you're focused. I respect that." You sniffle. "Wait a minute.. Are you sick? Is that why you aren't talking? Your throat hurts or something?" You tremble as he starts to walk over to you and reaches to feel your forehead. Well, you tried..

You look up at him and start to tear up again. "Woah? Hey, what's going on? You're kinda freaking me out?" The concern is evident on his face, and your heart warms at the thought of him being attentive to you. But gosh were you also scared to death right now, and to make matters worse, you started to feel that fuzzy headspace encase your mind.

You whine, not sure of what to say to him, and open your arms for a hug while hiccuping. "Can I have a hug? P-please?" Your voice cracks as you speak.

Clay sighed and took you in his arms, hugging you tightly. "There, there. Take your time," he soothed, rubbing your back. "It's okay, now. I'm here. You've got me." After a few minutes, and a bit of protest from you, he pulled away and wiped the corners of your damp eyes with his thumb, smiling with much love and care in the world.

By now your breathing had evened, and all you had left was some sniffling. "Now..," Clay starts as he caresses your cheek, "Do you want to talk about it?"

You pout and look down while fidgeting with your fingers. After a few seconds, you nod. "It's just..." you bring your thumb up to your mouth, "too mush."

Clay tilts his head at that. "What's too much?" He questions as he runs his hand through your hair and reaches into his pocket for a lollipop that Viva had given him earlier.

"Work!" You whined before sniffling and rubbing your hand against your nose.

"You feel overwhelmed because of your tasks?" Clay questions you softly as he removes your thumb from your mouth and hands you a lollipop. As you take it from his hands, you whine and nod. "Oh baby...," he mutters as he caresses your face, "but I thought you liked doing them?" You put the lollipop into your mouth and try to calm yourself before speaking again.

"I did..," you look up at him, "I wanted to help you. I really did!" You exclaim at him, but then start to look away with teary eyes. "B-but, then everyfing kept piling up an- and I was tired and started being slow and getting distracted and suddenly I barely had any time for myself!"

Clay just sighs softly and pulls you onto his lap when you finish speaking. "Why didn't you tell me any of this sooner?? We could've sorted the problem out before it got this bad." He questions you.

You bit your trembling lip while still looking away from him. "Didn wanna upset you," you pouted as you felt yourself fall into a younger mindset.

"Oh honey, you know you'd never disappoint me. I love you too much to ever feel that way towards you."

"No even a lil?" You ask while looking up at him in awe.

"Not even a lil," he answered with a reassuring smile while leaning in to kiss your forehead.

"The only thing that really disappoints me is the fact that I never realized you felt this way," He gives you a tight squeeze and nuzzles your neck. You return his embrace with new tears rolling down your cheeks. You tighten your hold scared that if you don't, you might just fall apart.  The both of you stay quiet for a moment as he hugs you and whispers sweet nothings into your ear while rubbing your back. You hiccup and sniffle, but you don't dare to loosen your hold. Not that Clay minded. He'd been concerned for you and just wanted to give you the best comfort he could provide.

After calming down, you loosen your hold. Clay cups your face with both of his hands and starts littering your face with kisses. You persist on moving away from him but he keeps his hold on your face.

"Hmno.!.. M' icky!" You snuffle.

"Hmm true... but when has that ever stopped me?" He questions with a smug smile on his face. Your silence answers him for you. "Exactly. But you do have a point," Clay states as he grabs a tissue or two from the desk. "Here." He brings it up to your face and helps you blow your nose. "There we go. Much better now right?" He then chucks the dirty tissue into a trash can.

"Mhm, fank you!" You smile back at him while.

"No problem, baby." He responds and boops your nose, which gets a giggle out of you.

"You know.. you do such a good job all the time, but you clearly need a break and that's okay. So..," Clay picks you up. "That's what we're gonna do. Take a break."

You start squirming in his hold. "Buh wah bout tha wok?!?" You babble while reaching out for the report you had started to redo earlier. Clearly that desperate need to be a sort of workaholic kicked in.

"Ah ah ah," Clay tuts you while bouncing you in his arms, "shhh about that now. We're taking a break. End of discussion." He asserts while petting your head as you pout.

"Plus someone is clearly too small to be doing big adult work. Looks like I've got a little baby on my hands " He says while cooing at you and pinching your cheeks. You were about to whine and complain, but a quick peck on the cheek quieted you right up. "Hm much better."

"Gesss it wouldn huwt," you mutter and start to cling to Clay.

"No it wouldn't," Clay reaffirms to you while making your head rest on his shoulder. Clay opens the door. "Hang tight. We're going back to your pod for some little time okay?"

"Mkay." You wrap your limbs around him and hide your face in the crook of his neck. Gosh if anyone saw you right now, you'd just combust from embarrassment.

Sensing your unease, Clay gives you a kiss on your head and starts to pat and rub your back. "Don't worry we'll be there before you know it." You just respond to him with a soft whine and start to fidget with the stick of your lollipop.

•••

When you get inside your pod, Clay walks past the living room and into your bedroom. He set you down and your bed and gives you your stuffie. Now with you focused on your lil buddy, Clay takes the opportunity to get you a comfortable set of clothes. He comes backs, and you let him help you into them. Clay can't help himself and decides to tickle you to get a giggle out of you, which works of course. You squirm and playfully fight back. He soon stops and chucks your big kid clothes into a laundry basket.

"Ok, now how about you get your little stuff and toys out while I set up a play area in the living room?" He asks while turning back to you.

"Yeah!!" You jump up and start to get your stuff from under the bed.

"Alright," Clay chuckles and pats your head before getting some soft blankets, pillows, and some stuffies and exiting the room.

You, very enthusiastically, search through your stuff trying to pick out some of the things you want such as your paci, a sippy cup, and some stim toys! When you were done, you put everything back in the box as neatly as you could and shoved it under the bed.

You quickly run out of the room with newfound enthusiasm and everything in your hands, maybe dropping a toy or two on your way over. But it's okay! You'll come back for them, probably.

In the living room, Clay has now set up blankets and arranged the pillows on the floor and couch. He had also quickly grabbed some grapes from the fridge and put them in a bowl on the coffee table. Now, Clay pulled out some paper and crayons that you had stored in one of your cabinets, in case you felt like drawing or scribbling. He just wanted to make this a good experience for you!

Clay looks up and sees you running over to him, "Careful there. You don't wanna fall over and get hurt." He chuckles.

"Nah I won-" you begin to brush him over before you stumbled over and start to fall over, making you drop all of your stuff.

"Woah!!" Clay quickly places down the blank paper and hurries over to catch you before you fell hard.

You whine and look down with a frown due to the random scare and dropping everything.

"Oh chin up, sweetheart." He speaks softly while taking out the bare lollipop stick and replacing it with your pacifier, which you happily took. "Just a lil scare but you'll always be safe with me. Let me take me take care of this"

You whine and shake your head. "Hmno! I help!" You remark and start to get on with the business of picking up your mess like the very independent kiddo you desperately wanted to be.

"Hey! Nope no c'mon..." Clay picks you from under your armpits like, one might with a cat, and then settles you right on his hip.

You look at him with an apparent frown and pout. "I help."

"No. Not today. Let me do this for you. Let me take care of my baby." He caresses your cheeks before giving a few pecks on the forehead and cheek.

"You may want to be a big kid, but you definitely need to be small. Just want to show you a token of my appreciation for the hard hard work you've been doing, yes?" He looks as your for further confirmation.

You sigh. "Okay.., jus fo today," you mumble slightly upset, but you wrapped yourself around Clay anyway. He smiled before humming and getting to work, which honestly helped you relax and start to nod off. The pacifier in your mouth just helped to make everything feel fuzzy and sleepy..

Once done, Clay set you down the floor on top of the blankets and pillows. You plop yourself right on top of them and start to make grabby hands at one of your stuffies on the couch. Happily, Clay hands it over to you and you begin to snuggle your buddy. He coos at the cute sight in front of him, causing you to blush but be more playful.

"Gosh you are so adorable, hun. How did I end up with the world's cutest baby?" He pinches your cheeks, and you just smile and babble back him. "Who's the cutest baby? Huh? Huh? Is it you?" He tickles and nuzzles you. You kick your feet in the air and tap your chest with one of your hands. "Yeah, that's right! You are! You're the cutest one!"

You move onto your tummy and crawl over to the stimmy toys that you had brought with you. They are in such pretty colors. Clay sits down beside you and follows along and entertains your little antics. Doing little things like grabbing a toy, showing you how to use it, and handing it over for you to try it too! Unfortunately, you start to be impulsive and play a little too rough with them by grabbing and throwing them against the ground. Seems like the both of you might have underestimated the extent of your regression. Woops...

"Looks like we gotta make a change of plans huh lil bub?" He pushes the toys away from you, but you whine and reach out for them, almost dropping your pacifier in the process. "You're too small to be playing with these right now. Oh look!!" He hands you your stuffy from earlier. "This friend wants some cuddles. C'mon give him a big big hug!" He made an example of him hugging an invisible teddy and you followed suit.

As you were busy tending to your teddy, Clay made sure to move the smaller and harder toys away from you. He didn't want you getting hurt or accidentally breaking something because of some rough playing or you putting things where they shouldn't go. Instead, he surrounds you with soft textured stuff like your blankets and stuffies.

When he was done, he decided to offer you some of the grapes he had gotten. "You want some bubba?"

You gasp and nod. "Mhm mhm I wan pleaseeee!!"

"Here you go," he gives you a few, and you happily start chewing and eating them.  You even pretend to feed you stuffie. Hey, they get hungry too! Clay chuckles and then gives you a kiss on the forehead.

After a while of playing with your fluffy friends, you start you feel your eyelids and head droop a little. You look at Clay and tug at his sweater.

"Hm?"

"eep..." You whine and rub your tired eyes.

Clay takes in your state and pulls you onto his lap. "I see." He slides one of his hands up and down your back. "You want some warm tea?" He whispers and you nod softly.

"Sippy or bottle?"

"Baba.." you manage to mutter. A small pout forms on your lips. If you were to be honest, you'd admit that you were a little upset over regressing to a younger state than you would've liked.

Clay gets up and places you on the couch before walking away and into the kitchen to make you some tea.  You get comfortable and bury yourself under a the blankets, looking all snug like bug.

By time Clay came back with the tea in a baby bottle, your pacifier looked like it was about to fall out of your mouth. Chuckling to himself, he takes it and places it on the coffee table. He carefully moves you, so he can sit beside you. You start to wake up a little and start to whine while making grabby hands at him.

"Shh shh, I've got you." He grabs you and moves you onto his lap to comfortably feed you your babas.

You snuggle up against him and rub your face on his torso. He brings the bottle up to your lips and you take it into your mouth. The soft and warm feeling of the tea fills you and makes you feel ever so small yet happy.

Clay starts to hum and pat your side while holding the bottle up for you. You lightly place one of your hands on top of his and he caresses your soft cheek.

After a while, you were close to finishing the bottle, but sleep seemed to win over you. Clay noticed this and placed the bottle on the coffee table. He moved, so he could be laying down with you on top of him. Clay placed your stuffy in your arms and wrapped his arms around you.  Smiling at the sight of you before him, he gives you one last kiss on the head.

Author’s Note:

Lowkey, I felt like I was yapping after reader and Clay left the admin building. I just desperately wanted to reach 3k words for some reason aghhh and I so missed the opportunity to have Clay read to the reader

I had originally planned to make this into two separate parts but honestly I just wanted this over with so it is definitely rushed but comme ci, comme ça (at least I finally made a fanfic that I actually go all the way through to finish woo!! 🎉‼️)

[iren-n-ire]

Astrology Observation 2

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🚩 Take note that I'm not a professional astrologer, I just share what I experienced (or observed).

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Is it just me? I have Venus in the 8th House and I lowkey give everyone that I will leave (cut off my life) a present as a sign of goodbye. If not presents or something tangible, I will ghost them but before I do that, I will give them time.

You maybe wondering, what do you mean by time? It depends on the situation. Below are three examples of situations showing different times:

I don't wanna talk to you in person because I'm afraid you will just ignore me again. I didn't do anything wrong yet you humiliated me in front of our classmates and talk shitz about me. Whenever I approach you, all you give me was a death stare. Today is the last day of our class and we will not be classmates anymore. I'm giving you one last time to change, if you don't approach me in 1hr (their class ends in 1hr), we have nothing to talk about anymore.

Black and White are long distance friends but lately White noticed that Black is active in social media but they don't respond to their message. Black always posts and they even saw them in the video they posted in their story where Black is chatting everyone in their chat list but ignoring theirs. White was shocked when they saw it, their name clearly visible in the video so without no doubt White chatted Black because they wanted to know if they should let Black stay in their life, if Black replied in 3hrs then they'll stay, if they don't then bye biatch.

Irene noticed that Iren, her friend in work always come to her whenever she needs something and treat her like a stranger after she got what she wants. She noticed that Iren doesn't talk nor bond with her like how she spends time with their coworkers which she regarded as "Friends" so she asked her on a shopping after work to get to know her better and promised that she will never let anyone use her again. This will be the last time she'll let her in.

The time can mean different situations, the examples stated above are times before my departure in us (ex3) and a chance (ex1&2) in us to continue our connection. The difference between example one and two are the place. Examples 2 is through social media platforms while Example 1 is face to face communication.

Venus is related to love, money, and material things whilst Eight house is connected to transformation, karma, legacy, and death. We transform through giving others love & material things, we leave them with a memory before we go and that is the thing/s we gave to them.

In Music, the first song that came into my mind is Jisoo's song called "Flower" where she said that all she left was scent and petals of flower. The second one is JP Cooper's song named "All This Love" Imagine the Venus in 8th person as "Flower" and "All This Love" as the person they left. To add, while writing the paragraph above this, to be specific, this one:

Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi and Hold On by Chord Overstreet as songs too to the person left by the Venus 8th House person.

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Be you, Do you, You are You! 💋

[kadajsbitch]

How they deal with you when you’re emotional:

Final Fantasy VII

Warnings: Language, 18+, talking about mental health

A/n: This is my first time writing for this blog so bear with me. Idk if it’s going to be an active blog, but I got so much FF7 stuff I made and haven’t posted so I’m just going to drop it here lol 💀 hope you enjoy.

Also gifs aren’t mine.

Yazoo:

His answer to seeing you emotional will always be space.

It pisses him off to see you upset but not in a, "Oh my poor baby" way, but more of a "I don't want their ass being moody because that kills my mood, and it's annoying that they can't even calm the fuck down to tell me what's wrong right now." Way… 💀

So in a way he cares... but overall, he just wants things to be “normal” so he can continue on with his usual ways of life peacefully.

Once you calm the hell down, he'll come to you with maybe a tissue and a glass of water (so that your not snorting your own snot every thirty seconds) and he'll ask you what happened.

If your having an emotional outburst due to something like someone pissing you off, or your in physical pain and/or mental pain, he'll go into action to make sure its immediately taken care of ether that be dragging you to a doctor, or taking care of who bothered you.

If it's something having to do with something minor like a movie or book making you cry, then he very much will not be comforting you. You not being able to handle something fictional or even something based on real life (true crime, etc) is your own fault.

Maybe if said book is a work of Non-fiction and it was genuinely fucked up, he might add two cents and validate you on why your pissed but don't expecting him to cuddle and love you, and wipe your tears.

If it has to do with family stuff however, his reactions vary depending on the type of family situation, but he'll definitely try to be more comforting in the sense of not outright leaving you immediately despite it making him uncomfortable.

Kadaj:

Unlike Yazoo who walks away because he's not in the mood to deal with you in your upset state, he walks away because he knows how he gets when he's like this.

The last thing he would want was someone to see him at his lowest, and he feels it'll make you less prone to getting in this state if you don't have someone constantly comforting you.

Doesn't mean he isn't concerned however.

He'll find you after awhile and ask for a detailed explanation as to why you were so upset and like Yazoo, he goes into action.

If it's more on mental or physical side of an issue, he may offer some advice as to what he knows instead of wordlessly getting things set up for you, like Yazoo would.

If it's something minor, he's definitely annoyed but feels better knowing it's not something threatening.

"Why would you watch/read something like that when it clearly states in the description that it's that sort of (movie/show/book, etc)?" He’ll ask, probably rolling his eyes as he does so.

"Don't get anymore of this if your not going to be able to control your emotions."

Again, his reactions would vary depending on the family situations, because he does have some knowledge and experience when it comes to that, but he'd definitely be more comforting.

Loz:

Unlike either of his brothers, he immediately is standing up, looking at you like “what the fuck happened?"

Considering he could give less of a fuck about where and who he gets emotional with, you being upset in front of him doesn't phase him. It's just he wants to know what and/or who made this way.

In a way, he also wants to be there with you while you're in this state because he feels like he's the one who's constantly over emotional in front you, and so to him, it's like an "even" thing when it finally happens.

Not so much even, but he feels more comfortable being emotional when you are considering his brothers are far from emotional unless it's anger they’re displaying.

Surprisingly, he gives good mental advice if it has to do with mental health. Physical is something he'd have to get a second opinion on if that was the case, but regardless he's trying to help.

Uncomfortable with straight up cuddling (as are his brothers 💀), but he'll sit with you in either silence or try to talk to you to help you calm down.

If the reason for your emotional outburst has to do with something media like, he'll probably watch/read it to see if it'll give him that reaction too but most likely not. In that case he’ll probably shrug, a small smirk coming on his face because he can’t help but to feel in a sense more emotionally mature for once, but he’ll refrain from rubbing it in until your calm enough to handle his teasing.

If it's family, then he'll definitely listen and even end up throwing a situation that he's went through that's similar, once you finish and validate you on how your feeling. Overall, out of the three, he’s probably the best choice to talk to.

Bonus:

Sephiroth:

For the sake of this, I’ll be using C.C/Reunion Sephiroth. The remnants are still fairly new, and are adapting which is why I feel like they wouldn’t be out right evil in how they handle people they are acquainted with or have a more personal relationship with’s, emotional outburst.

Sephiroth is tricky when it comes to others having emotional outburst… as a war general, he’s used to seeing the effects of and after battle take toll on people and how they may become mentally vulnerable from it, and because of that he can be very indifferent and can come off a little harsh when he’s “comforting” those around him.

“Control yourself. This won’t be the first time you face obstacles such as these, so there’s no use in crying.”

If this is a situation outside of his usual work element however, he’d definitely feel conflicted on how to proceed.

Like his two other counterparts, I feel he’d separate himself from them due to randomly being thrown in this position. More so to keep himself calm.

I mean if we look back at C.C, he seemed fairly uncomfortable with Zack getting upset about the situation at hand, despite it being a dire one. So he’d definitely be further unraveled by someone having an outburst about something he may view as minuscule.

If it’s something having to do with someone bothering you, he’d have a quick reaction.

“Consider it taken care of.” He’d say stiffly, before hightailing it away from you to deal with whoever it was, hoping by the time he returned to brief you on what happened, you’d be more stable.

If it was mental or physical, like Kadaj he’d offer some advice on what he knew, but would ultimately do the more rational thing and suggest you speak to a doctor and/or therapist for your problems.

Again, going off from what we saw, C.C Sephiroth isn’t someone who really likes to be touched (despite him being so handsy in the remake 💀) so don’t be expecting a hug or for him to hold you or anything.

One time, a cadet was upset and he tried to force himself to do something other than stiffly telling them to get over it… he awkwardly held his hand out, and patted them… on the head.

While it did stop them from crying, the looks he got from those around him definitely made him reconsider ever offering physical comfort again. (He was trying though 😭)

If it’s something having to do with media, whether it be fictional or not, he’d simply shrug and tell you not read/watch those things if you couldn’t stomach it.

Family isn’t something he really has a grasp on, but he knows it’s important, and for your sake will try to listen and give his thoughts as best as he can for the sake of comfort.

[buddieisgoingcanon2024]

It never stops surprising me that reading comprehension levels aren't a thing anymore. It's always when I come across someone who reads the same thing I did that i have to wonder like did they not learn subtext in reading? It's like we have lost the art of comprehension here...

The reason I say that is because at no point has Tim M said that Buddie is dead or that it wasn't happening. he said not "RIGHT NOW". The words RIGHT NOW were right there, even in what they copied from the interview. (Right now, it could mean as little of a time frame as for when the interview was completed, but it would also mean not this season.) When in the history of the english language (which i will be the first admit is whack as heck) has right now ever meant never? The fact that he felt the need to say it and it was emphasized typically means something. What we don't know, but obviously, it's important. He also clearly states that Both Eddie and Buck are going to be exploring themselves. He makes a point to say that Eddie's journey isn't the same one and that they will be exploring it. Again, why mention that if it's off the table completely. Tim goes further and says he is letting the characters take them where they will. Nothing about that says no to me. It says give me some time to explore this and see where the actors are and how this pans out.

Tim, Oliver, Lou, and Ryan have all said in various ways that both actors that play Tommy and Marisol aren't sticking around long term. Sure something couldnt have changed but Even the leaks hint at that. So yeah, rewrites have probably happened (hoping they did a major one decreasing "Marisol's" time just because the actor has been disturbing in their hate.), but even if not right now, pretty much everyone has said our duo will get closer. (I mean i was like, how much closer you want them to get before they take the leap, but i also see that we kind of need a reset after the mess that was the end part of season six. ""she sees me"". ) So my point, lets give Tim some time and be hopeful.

That being said, I think the other anon seems to hold a similar theory to my own. Buck and Eddie have completed their family but just haven't figured out that they have yet, and they supplement what they don't get from each other with someone else.

Let's face it: the Eddie arc could honestly end up being fantastic. here you have someone who grew up with his past. Be a man's man; Chris needs a mother, Religious while not actively participating... Hispanic, ex-military, .. etc. etc. etc... and to be tossed for a loop when he finally realizes everything he has been trying to find and looking for has been there for 5 years? That amount of people that will related to that??? Fox would be silly to not explore it. We only see these type of stories for preteens and teens on tv and movies. We rarely see what it's like to be a middle age adult that finally realizes who they are and comes out.No we usually only see established gay characters that are older. It's Huge. I think that is why Buck's being Bi is hitting so hard. The amount of people i personally know that are married and have kids and hit their 30s or 40s and realize omg....Im not exactly who i always thought i was. That's relatable. The amount of people that, just based on last week's episode, are now starting 911 from the beginning? that's big.

whoosh that was long. sorry about that and excuse typos. :)

Thanks anon for that wonderful post. ❤️🫶💯%

[incognitobird]

you know what I AM gonna make a post about chants of sennar and I don't CARE that only my 3 friends and a handful of pornbots will see it.

IT IS SUCH A FUCKING GOOD GAME

I am incredibly baised by the fact that Linguists is my autism special interest. but I also must state very very clearly

I HATE PUZZLE GAMES AND PUZZLES IN GAMES

they make me frustrated and and angry and more often than not make me feel stupid and I do not like them. I power through them when I must (breath of the wild I love you but fuck your shrines) or bribe friends to do them for me (viz I will sell my kidneys for you to do my puzzles)

but chants of sennar? even when I was frustrated (and incredibly sleep deprived, it was 3 am when I finally went "ah shit I need to go to bed") it only made me more determined to figure it out without help! I REFUSED to look up a guide and only caved twice, once because I fucked up my own written down notes, and the other was because in my sleep deprived state I had missed an entire room with a teleport spot and stone plate before the alchemists, making it so that I had done the ENTIRE ALCHEMIST FLOORS MISSING 3 WORDS I SHOULDVE JUST HAD. my last 3 hours of play through went soother with the help of my friend but those first 9 hrs? even sleep deprived and frustrated I was having fun!!!

even when the game took its detour into being a fuckin HORROR game I couldn't stop being FASCINATED by the language and the people and the cultures

and gods the ending made me CRY and I have so many fucking thoughts.

and the best part about ALL OF THIS?

I want to get back into learning Linguists

I had one semester in college of a gen'ed course that taught you the basics of feild work through creating a language. I loved that class. however I was actively suffering the effects of a debilitating depressive episode that ended in a mental breakdown resulting in me not attending any of my classes BUT that Ling101 class and in my second semester I dropped out. I wanted to major in linguistics but now between trauma and financial issues I will never being going back to college and it's not something I want anymore.

but I still want to learn linguistics so badly. I have a shelf full of books from the Ling section at my local bookstore (calling it a section is kind it's literally just 2 shelves). I haven't read a single one of those books because I can't bring myself to start.

but now? after spending 12 and half hours playing chants of sennar? I want to read all of them because it reminded me of exactly why I love linguistics.

in conclusion:

CHANTS OF SENNAR IS A GREAT GAME AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY SLANDER OF IT IN MY PRESENCE.

[kingofthewebxxx]

MCU {smooth talker}:

After the events of the rooftop of St Bart’s (Reichenbach), the post-mortem was done, during the transit from the rooftop he had appeared deceased, this view changed rather radically when signs of brain activity were picked up using an electroencephalogram, the team had been all but too aware of his reputation and wanted to prove mainly to themselves that it wasn't some form of trickery. In an attempt to discover more, several brain scans were done yet all that appeared on the screen was a black spot instead of a clear visual of the bullet. The bullet was made of vibranium which for some reason would not show clearly on their scans, not that they know what the bullet was made of, it was something that James himself only knew, he had intended to make his death permanent. Any attempt at surgery was immediately out of the question, any attempt to remove the bullet would likely have catastrophic consequences. Under the orders of high-ranking government officials as well as in the knowledge of Mycroft Holmes, he was given to a research company that specialised in neuroscience, it was an attempt to save his brain in the idea that it would be useful later on. Not wanting to risk his seeming survival becoming public, his death certificate was signed and any evidence that suggested otherwise was either changed or destroyed.

The company gave him the best medical treatment they could in order to heal his body and mind. What no one realised was what was happening in Moriarty’s mind. The vibranium bullet in his mind had been reacting with the neurotransmitters in Broca’s area, this was where the bullet had been lodged. It had ultimately caused a chemical reaction between the neurological receptor and the metal connector, this created a connection between two receptors that previously weren't touching and that in the rest of the human population, would never be connected. As the reaction grew and the connection strengthened with time it unlocked a new frequency undertone. The first time he managed to form a clear demand he noticed that they were unable to resist his commands. Using them for his own gains he made them figure out how his new power worked. It was discovered that the frequency his voice emits had a unique way of resonating in the minds of others, almost like the effect a siren would have on prey, with their assistance they would learn the vibranium lodged in his brain was the source of these new abilities.

Recovering as fast as he could to get out of the horrid place he also tested this new ability. He would learn that his voice would have the same effect as it does in person if transmitted through a radio or any other audio-emitting device. The lasting effect on those exposed to his voice varies on how much mental resistance they have, for those who are easily manipulated it could take years for the effects to wear off but for those with a strong resolve, the effect could wear off within a few hours, James learned that for the most effective method of use, further exposure to his voice was necessary. Yet as powerful as this new ability was he wasn't invincible. The strain the brain injury put on him weakened his physical muscles, whilst he could still move lifting anything 40 lbs and more would be a struggle. This would give him a need to surround himself with others as bodyguards of sorts which also fed his growing paranoia, he developed a fear of those under his control rising up against him in this weakened state. Having already survived one bullet to the head anymore would be fatal as well as any severe head trauma. His power also had limits, it only worked if his voice was audible or if the sound could be transmitted, it also would not work on the deaf unless they had an implant.

With all of these things in mind, he broke out of the facility, ensuring all those who had worked there made it seem as if he had died at the facility, he also made them cover the whole thing up so even the highest officials believed it. Moriarty started to take more interest in those with powers as a meta-human himself, he found those easy to manipulate first and turned them into bodyguards before adding more. His goal was to form a new organisation, once he was set he turned recruitment to those who could boost the powers of others, offering services as he did before he gained his powers he would now aim more at those who would keep him safe as well spread fear of him, failure to comply with maintaining his secrecy would be met with the harshest of punishments.

[astrolaurical]

I was scrolling though your page when a question popped up in my head dose namjoon hold unconscious colorist beliefs because I know in previous interviews he said he liked pale skin when asked about ideal types skin tone and from your last post since hwasa is one of the suspects (and she is clearly dark in Korean standards) I was wondering what type of view he as towards a potential lovers skin tone especially since he make bad comments towards v and jhopes skin tone in the past

And idk if you know about some men that date women lighter then them to have lighter kids (I don’t think this would be namjoon but just to give context in what I am thinking)

So I was wondering what type of mindset he has currently has it changed as it stayed stagnant? In the context of what he has said in the past?

I would have no idea what current mindset he has because I’m not in his mind.

He has apologized for those old comments and has since shown growth by actively supporting BLM and AAPI causes.

RM himself received a lot of hate from Koreans because of how “dark” he is so I think he was projecting his self-hatred onto his members in that video clip. I do hope he apologized to them. (The original video where he is being colorist to jhope and v is the BTS in Melbourne 2015 interview. They have reuploaded the video and cut out his colorist statement so I had to find a video that had the OG clip).

Korea is extremely racist (they just do a good job at hiding it). Hell, they even have their own word for the n-word. Jimin himself is guilty of saying it. The standard of beauty is also extremely strict and damn near unattainable in Korea. One of the qualities is to be pale. Most male idols (used to, it is getting better and interviewers don’t ask these questions much anymore bc sexist) state that they do want a pale, feminine, short partner because those fit the qualities of Korean women… people they are around and see everyday in a homogeneous society.

I would like to think Namjoon would date anybody he vibes with regardless of looks, but I DONT KNOW THIS MAN, ONLY HIS PUBLIC PERSONA. He could be a complete asshole behind the scenes and be completely different from what we all expect.

[rennebright]

It's been almost a month since my grandma passed away and it all still feels so... surreal.

It's not like we hadn't seen it coming, she was 86 years old and 3 years into chemotherapy, up until they discovered the tumor she had always been a strong and working woman but the surgery coupled with the beginning of the pandemic left her with almost nothing to do on a daily basis. And I was well aware how active and energetic she was, I was by her side for these last 5 years, first working under her and then directly doing her work when the chemo had affected her to a degree she couldn't properly focus, and towards the end being by her side if she needed anything, accompanying her to the hospital almost weekly, while free, Mexican healthcare isn't exactly efficient on its patients, it was mentally and physically exhausting simply going there but she never gave up hope, her body never gave up.

So after spending a good 5th of my life always by her side, now not having to worry about her is such an oddly empty feeling, I'm glad she's resting in peace, these last few months were particularly rough, but it's empty not going downstairs anymore to see her napping, calling me over on clear nights to look at the moon, hearing about her childhood and relatives that i never even met, while I wouldn't call her a cheerful person exactly, she loved things dearly, she didn't look back in melancholy, but rather glad that whatever happened was part of her, for better or for worse, fitting for someone that lived through so much, always helped by the people around her.

I thanked her for all she did for me weeks before we even knew about the tumor, I readied myself for the day it'd happen, expected myself to cry, but I have yet to shed a single tear, it's not that it didn't affect me, clearly, but rather knowing that she lived and died as painlessly as she'd have wanted, the last conscious words we heard from her was that she wasn't in pain, that was such a relief, I simply hoped that'd carry over until her last breath.

When a doctor told us that she was in a natural comatose state and she couldn't reason or react as she'd want to anything going around her I knew it wouldn't be long, all my family did. Her siblings came together for one last goodbye, shared some words of gratitude, one last hug, and one last goodnight. I remember holding her hand abd comforting her, she'd throw her hand around, even punching me a couple times, it was clear that even if she was ready to go, her body wouldn't give up. But fittingly enough, she passed away in her sleep that night.

Funerary services went without issue, she had had the foresight to arrange all of that beforehand, so it was seamless, but once we came back home it's all felt so at peace yet eerily chaotic, she might have not left her bed for much for the last few months, but the house feels unequivocally colder.

I don't know where I was going with this, I guess I made that post asking for help back when the tumor was detected, maybe I felt the need to tell this, leave a record about her.

She turned that 6 month life expectancy into 3 years of fulfilling effort and perseverance, 86 years as a mother figure for more people than she ever realized, came to terms with mortality and how long she could stand, and yet, her body never gave up.

A picture of the last day I feel she was genuinely happy and content, new year's 2023, surrounded by her family and a night before her condition overall took a turn for the worse.

[kissmewithyourfists]

-i finished taylor’s new album. as someone who didn’t really like folklore or evermore that much, this album was so meh. like there were a couple songs i liked, but i don’t remember which ones. there weren’t any real bops that i felt like i could dance around to. and i just kept wondering when it’d be over. i think my problem was that it was way too wordy. and a lot of the lyrics were really clunky. and she’s still so immature which isn’t fun anymore. like why does she still talk about high school? a 34-year old woman still talking about high school is weird. i hardly ever think about high school and really don’t remember it that much. also the stans are getting on my last fucking nerve. “you just don’t get it”. yeah clearly, but what’s there to get? it’s not that deep. taylor really loves to leave things vague so everyone can speculate and interpret things how they please, and never confirms anything so it keeps people engaged. i’m just so annoyed at her right now and may revisit this album again, but not for a while.

-the fandom i write fanfics for is also giving me the ick so bad lately. jfc. i want to leave the fandom but also want to finish the two fics i’m currently working on. the fandom space is not how fandom spaces used to be. there’s weird hierarchies and cliques and it doesn’t feel very friendly (it feels worse in this fandom!). i don’t feel much motivation to continue creating for a fandom that doesn’t care and only cares about creators that get numbers. obviously there are individual people in the fandom that aren’t like that, and i love them to pieces, but i don’t think i’ll be active in the fandom much longer, just reading the fics. the funny thing is i had left this fandom in like 2014/2015, and then rejoined in like 2022, in a different part of the fandom that i had previously hated, but got sucked in by a trans headcanon. but now it’s sadly not enough to keep me in the fandom. might try to get into different fandoms, i have a few ideas. or maybe just leaving fandom spaces altogether. (not bandom though!!!)

-somehow feeling more inspired lately to write songs/lyrics again. and i’ve been singing more which is a good sign! and i’m feeling inspired to record things, but will i actually do it? i don’t know yet. also strangely feeling inspired to post my songs, esp my updated version of a song i already posted (if i can just record vocals for the bridge).

-things are so stressful right now: things are still busy at work, i’m trying to figure things out to move to a different state (job and apartment, and just the move itself), needing to plan a visit to where i want to move to, maybe start packing some stuff, thinking about going back to school, thinking about how i want to transition medically and/or legally, wanting to come out but not sure how to bring it up

-once i move the first 9 months is going to be so rough (i’ve figured out that’s how long it takes for me to adjust to a life change). it’s going to get really bad but i’ll have to push through until the 9 month mark and then i can decide if i need something else.

[platformerprojectga]

Squashing Bugs - Janky Enemy Damage

The last major issue I needed to fix was that taking damage from enemies felt inconsistent. Sometimes it just seemed to not hit you, other times you took an incomprehensible number of hits in a fraction of a second. Clearly I needed to revisit it and try to clean it up. For starters, the collision box attached to the enemies was too small. You could bounce off the head of the enemy without taking any damage (No, I didn't want you to be able to jump on enemies heads, this isn't Super Mario Bros.). This was a very simple fix as I'm sure you can imagine, I simply adjusted the size of the collision box to better fit the enemies.

(The yellow box is the collision box that damages the player) So that was a simple fix. But that's unfortunately only the beginning. There was still the issue of damage inconsistency. Damage had no cooldown and was only triggered upon the initial entering of the collision box, so if you stayed hugging the enemy you would only take damage once and then you'd just awkwardly stand there next to each other with nothing happening.

This was less straightforward than I initially expected it to be, and actually required quite a bit of fiddling around and experimenting. I came to the idea to add a Boolean to the player called "Invulnerable" that would be set to false by default (You can probably see where this is going). And made it so when the enemy deals damage to the player, it makes this Boolean True. I then had it so after setting it to True, it'd have a delay of half a second before turning it back to False.

However this.. didn't work as I expected. To test, I made an actor to read the status of the invulnerable boolean and to output some text repeatedly for as long as it's active:

As you can see, it only outputs a signal for half a second and then stops. This is of course the half second delay set between turning on the invulnerability and turning it off again. Turns out, the collision box only outputs a signal when something initially collides with it. It doesn't continue to fire a signal for as long as that collision remains. This seemed like a simple enough fix though, I simply added a loop to the end so it'd go back on itself.

However then came the issue that it'd never end either, so once the player took damage, even if they ran away, they'd continue taking damage each time it looped. Unfortunately I can only send 1 video per tumblr post so the following image will have to do:

You can see here, I continue taking damage and die despite being nowhere near the enemy anymore. Safe to say, this was not as simple as I'd expected it to be.. I decided to utilise more Booleans and create some actors to help manage certain states the player can be in. This ended up being the right decision and helped me solve the issue once and for all. Firstly, I made a Boolean called "Corruptoid Damage", which the Corruptoid enemy sets to true after hitting the player. Then there is an actor in the world that i have set to handle damage, fittingly called DamageHandler. This is the script contained within the damage handler actor:

That's uh... a lot. Let me break this down a bit.

Firstly, the opening section:

What's happening here, is every tick, it reads a Boolean called "Is Dead" that's attached to another actor I made called DeathHandler which, well, manages what happens when the player dies. I'll talk about this actor in a moment. If "Is Dead" comes back as True, then it ends the script there and then, allowing the DeathHandler actor to do it's job. However if it comes back False, then it next does a couple checks. Firstly it checks "Corruptoid Damage". If it's set to True, then it does the following:

This first casts to the player character and performs some checks. Firstly it checks if the player is Invulnerable via the "Invulnerable" Boolean attached to the player character. If it's True, then the script ends. if not, then it gets the current Energy from the player, and subtracts 20 from it, plays the hurt sound, and then sets the "Invulnerable" Boolean to True for 1 second, then sets both "Invulnerable" and "Corruptoid Damage" back to False. Wow.. so that was a mouthful. So you may be asking why did we move this over to a separate actor, isn't this mostly the same script that was attached directly to the Corruptoids before? Well yes, it is. However there were a couple primary issues with having damage be handled by the enemies. Firstly, there is a blueprint component called "EventTick" which is very useful for checking things constantly, however an actor can only utilise one instance of EventTick in it's blueprint. So we split such tasks between invisible actors to handle it instead, allowing for more uses of the EventTick component in our game. Secondly, if the actor is destroyed, any code it was running immediately stops. This led to one issue during testing where if the player took damage from a Corruptoid, then immediately killed the Corruptoid with a projectile, the script would stop before it turned the player's invulnerability back off. This meant the player would be immune to all damage for the rest of the level. By having this handled by an invisible, inaccessiable, and unkillable actor, this can never occur (hopefully??). Alright so, what if "Corruptoid Damage" returns false? Well i wanted to use the DamageHandler actor for most if not all damage handling, so it actually goes through a list checking for sources of damage, with the next one it checks being from that big crystal in the cave near the end of the level:

My idea with this crystal was to provide rapid, but weaker damage than Corruptoids. So that's what the script in the blueprint sets it to do. The collision boxes on the crystal turn on a variable called "Corrupt Crystal Damage", which if the DamageHandler actor detects, it then performs a sequence of actions extremely similar to the one for Corruptoid Damage:

Pretty much the only differences here are that it only subtracts 5 from the player's energy, as opposed to the 20 taken from Corruptoids. And instead of a 1 second cooldown, it's only 0.2 seconds. This means the player will take damage 5 times per second, which actually ends up making the crystal damage the player more than Corruptoids, as it ends up dealing 25 damage per second as opposed to the Corruptoids 20. After this, everything starts working as expected. However allow me to briefly discuss the DeathHandler i mentioned earlier. Here's the Blueprints in that:

All that happens here is, every tick, it checks if the IsDead boolean contained within the DeathHandler actor is set to true or not:

If it's false, then absolutely nothing happens. However if it's True, then it performs a sequence of tasks. First it casts to the player character to get it's current flipbook, and set it to the death one instead. (A flipbook is what sprite animations are called in UE5). Next, it disables all character movement, Then it get's the name of the current level, waits 2.6 seconds (this is the length of the death flipbook), set's IsDead back to false, and finally reopens the level. Phew, that was.. a lot. This was a big learning curve and I'm super glad I managed to sort it all out. With this all known major bugs are now squashed. I'm sure more will arise, but until then I can finally take a breather.

[conradveidttrivia]

Guys, there's no point in following this blog as I'm not updating it anymore due to Tumblr being so user-unfriendly. Fandom's choice of social media is still in a flux, but hopefully in some months' time I can announce the new home for this blog (and veidtveidtveidt). I'm only posting my new Connie finds (including the interviews/articles you can see here) on my Pillowfort for now (I'm Snowgrouse on there).

[wrenqueenisboss]

DSMP Angsty Imagines - React to Your Death pt. 3 --- c!Wilbur Soot

Part 3 to my series of “dsmp boys react to your death”:  Pronouns used: they/them (if mentioned) Warnings: explosions, spoilers for the events of Dream SMP, death, grief Words: 1.3+

The list: c!George c!Bench Trio c!Wilbur - (you are currently on this post)  c!Dream c!Technoblade - (coming soon!)

You had tried convincing your boyfriend not to blow up L’Manburg. But Wilbur Soot wouldn’t listen to you. He wouldn’t listen to anyone. Not in this state.

It had been a long time coming, honestly. Everyone should have noticed the signs. You should have noticed the signs, but it wasn’t as if you were actively looking for a reason to paint your lover as an insane psychopath. 

For months, Wilbur had slowly been descending into insanity. Looking back, the tells were all there. Very irregular sleeping patterns; sleeping not at all and then way too much, days when it seemed as if his emotions had been completely turned off, days when his temper seemed too volatile, the times when you’d catch him obsessing over books explaining the mechanics of tnt. It had all been laid in front of you, but you were too blind. 

That’s the thing about love, children. You either find yourself forced into relationships that make you unhappy or find yourself so in love with someone that it practically erases reality and judgment. There are a few lucky people. A few who find the loves of their lives and spend the remainder of their days in perfect happiness. No intoxicating amounts of infatuation, no feelings of emotional claustrophobia. You were not one of those lucky people. Not at all.

It was already too late to turn back by now. The two of you were already heading to the Button Room. Tommy, Tubbo, and Quackity were supposed to be with you, but they didn’t agree with Wilbur’s plan, so they stayed behind.

The three had been desperately trying to convince Wilbur to step down, to destroy the button and give up on his wild fantasies of watching his unfinished symphony burn to the ground. But that hadn’t worked, So they turned to you.

And as much as you agreed with their reluctance - and disagreed with your boyfriend, you had to support him. For that’s what he did with you. When you had been a newcomer to the server and no one would help you, he did. At the very least you owed him that. But you were beginning to doubt how far your support would actually go when you found yourself standing in the button room.

You and Wilbur looked up at all of the signs on the walls, each singing L’Manburg’s National Anthem in your head.

I heard there was a special place where men could go and emancipate the brutality and tyranny of their rulers Well, this place is real you needn’t fret with Wilbur-

“You’ve been so good to me, Y/n.” Wilbur’s unusually quiet voice interrupted the anthem playing in your mind.

“I’m your partner, Will. I’m also your friend. It’s my job.” For some reason, you could bring yourself to say it was because you loved him. Your heart knew it was because you didn’t love him anymore. Actually, that wasn’t entirely true. It was a different type of love now. Much less blinding, and much more clear.

Wilbur reached up a faintly-scarred hand to touch one of the signs on the walls. “You’ve stuck by me and supported me even when no one else did.”

You could feel your face begin to heat up. “Will, about that.... Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure this is the right thing to do?”

Your boyfriend whirled around at that. And for some reason, your mind began to sing the National Anthem once more.

My L’Manburg My L’Manburg

“Don’t flake out on me now, Y/n. We’re so incredibly close. We’ve come this far together. You can’t possibly be thinking of abandoning me?” His eyes narrowed dangerously, sending ominous shivers down your spine.

My L’Manburg My L’Manburg

“No! Of course not! I just think it would... make sense if you... thought about this some more,” you stammered, desperately fumbling for the right words.

Wilbur stepped toward you suddenly and you flinched backwards. He didn’t seem to notice - or care. “Y/n, if you don’t support me in this plan, I have no choice but to kill you. You know too much. And yes, I do remember that you’re on your last life. That changes nothing.”

Your thoughts froze, so did you. Never, did you expect him to go this far. Sure, you’d been aware of the fact that he was slowly becoming insane for weeks, but threatening your life? That was something you could never prepare yourself for.

You were trapped. Either way, you were pretty sure you’d die. If you agreed, the explosions would kill you. If you didn’t, Wilbur would. 

For freedom and for liberty our nation sought to build on these a victory for all under our freedom

“I’m going through with the plan, Will. We’re going through with it.”

Well the darkness came and then it went we built a home and watched it sink and from the rubble emerged my great-

Once again, the anthem in your head was interrupted. This time by Philza. Philza Minecraft. Your boyfriend’s father.

Your heart raced as it realized how close to pressing the button Will had been only heartbeats before. Philza and Wilbur were having a whole debate in the background. It was only when your name was called that you snapped out of your trance.

“Y/n?” Will asked softly, placing a hand on your shoulder.

Your head snapped up. “Yes?”

You almost shut down at the sad acceptance in Wilbur’s eyes. Had it worked? Had Phil really talked him out of pressing the button and triggering the tnt?

“Phil here has convinced me that maybe the button isn’t worth pressing.”

Hope sprung in your chest. It spread its wings.

My L’Manburg My L’Manburg My L’Manburg My L’Manburg

Your boyfriend leaned down to hug you, head resting on your shoulder as his back faced Phil. You were just about to hug him back when his whispered voice reached your ears, making you shiver.

“It’s all up to you now, Y/n.”

He straightened and left the Button Room, but not before giving you a pointed glance. 

With bloodied hands and weakened knees.

Your body felt frozen, pinned by impossible choices. By the future and the past.

“Y/n?” Philza’s concerned voice carried across the cave. “Are you okay?”

You scrambled for a convincing enough excuse. “Y-yeah. I just need a moment. Today has been... rough.” None of that was a lie.

With a slight furrow of his brows, Phil nodded. He began walking away.

Our people rose like the phoenix

You stopped him, though. “Philza.”

He turned around.

Our empty fields and canals ‘round L’Mantree

“There was a saying, Phil, by a traitor, once a part of L’Manburg.”

Phil didn’t know how to react. He just nodded, clearly uncomfortable with the atmosphere, the tension.

With sweat and tears we armed our ranks we laid foundations in our land

“Have you ever heard of Eret?”

Once again, Philza only nodded.

You could feel your body heat up with anticipation. The moment was nearing.

And from every lips for here up to infinity

“Yeah, he had a saying, Phil.” You felt your fingertips ghost the surface of the button.

We sing L’Manburg We sing L’Manburg We sing L’Manburg We sing L’Manburg

“It was never meant to be.”

~-~-~-~-~-~-

Wilbur Soot was too busy smiling at the series of explosions going off behind him to realize the fact that you were dead.

And even when those around him cried as they mourned your death, not a single tear streaked down his cheek. No pang of sadness or remorse was felt by this man who had strayed too far down the path of insanity.

Perhaps once, he would have torn up the world looking for a way to revive you. But that Wilbur was long gone. That Wilbur was the one you’d fallen for, the one you’d follow to the ends of the server.

But you’d failed to realize that the Wilbur of today was not the Wilbur you loved. And that mistake turned out to be fatal.

[0aurelion-sol0]

SNK keeps on being amazing. ( A rant that is not really one. )

133.

Just this panel alone is able to confirm everything that I wanted from this manga.

Eren's condition has always been what I suspected.

Ever since he sided with his brother Zeke, who manipulated Marley in attacking Eldia to retrieve the founder and other titans. Something THEY DIDN'T WANT TO DO, because they were being pressured by many other countries and were not as powerful as before due to their lack of powerful weapons like the ones in the Middle Eastern Alliance which were able to PIERCE through the fucking Armored Titan.

THIS resulted in the fucking festival and we know what happened then. Dozens of people died including children continuing the cycle of hate that has been started for god knows how long. And Eren WILLINGLY took a part in it because he wanted his actions to be a little easier while he was going to genocide the whole fucking world.

INCLUDING his own island because let's be honest when Eren is done with the Rumbling, destroying every ecosystems. EVERYTHING that keeps a planet alive, his little island won't live for long.

"The ground... It's crying." CHAPTER 131 said by one of the goddamn kids he fucking killed.

Marley is now sure, let's fucking kill all Eldians.

He did his attack on Liberio, he betrayed everyone. Crushing Hange's every possibilities of finding a peaceful way of settling things down after having been hidden MANY useful informations by Eren, Zeke and his group but also the Azumabitos.

Sparking a civil war inside Eldia, leading to an Eldian supremacist group cause let's be honest when Floch killed that Marleyan and than gave his little first king Fritz speech, it was like seeing Hitler all over again and the Klux Klux Klan.

I MEAN... FLOCH OF ALL PEOPLE! A guy who has PTSD after seing dozens of his comrades died, their faces exploded by fucking thrown rocks. He bastardized Erwin's ideologies and no matter how good willing he was, he was just a dead man walking acting like a fool.

He also betrays his own party now, the Jeagerist by allowing the very people they tried to stop the power to stop him. By activating the Rumbling, he also caused the death of Eldians inside the walls as we've been shown with Hitch.

AND THE WORST... destroy every connection he has with his friends. Hurting them, putting them in danger by the very group he created and the Titans.

Oh but that's not all...

He uses the titan the same way Marley did it, with oppression and violence. He is not stopping the cycle of hate, he is continuing it. And it will have repercussions inside the very group of people he tried to defend.

People killed each other inside the walls and they will kill each other without it. Mikasa as shown us that when her parents got murdered and she almost became a slave.

And he killed Hange with these same titans. I don't care if they sacrificed themself. He didn't live up to what he preached. They died and Hange was someone close to him and was concerned with his well being. Maybe it was too late but they also had many other priorities as Hange was commander. They also fell into depression because of their position. One of his mentors and friends, one who tried to talk with him while he was in that cell planning to destroy the world...

talking to himself...

At this point, you know where I'm going with this. We've all suspected it, we all know it. Let's not be blind about it.

Eren is influenced by the Attack Titan. Not Ymir (at least I hope so and I think so), not Kruger and certainly not Grisha.

It's pretty clear now.

I mean Eren's change happens off screen, every time we see him he is completely different from what we used to know of him.

He barely cares about his friend and don't give me the bullcrap of (hE dOeS tHiS fOr tHeM.) If he was he would have secured them and put them in a place where they wouldn't interfere, he would have tried to convince them. HE WOULD HAVE COMMANDED FLOCH NOT TO HURT THEM.

He would have not commited genocide after knowing what it led to with Reiner, Annie and Bertholt.

That's not Eren. And the stupid argument of "hE's aLwAyS bEeN vIoLeNt". That's just bullcrap and it just destroy every bit of beautiful empathy we have seen of him. With Mikasa, Armin and Historia. Levi who he respected a lot.

It just isn't coherent. Every action he does is not coherent since the timeskip.

NOW HE'S CHALLENGING HIS FRIEND ? WTF ?

I mean is no one questionning this, doesn't it seem off from what we've seen of him.

Eren is no strategist BUT... he isn't stupid. Every sane person would know that these actions will not benefit anybody.

But... they still happened.

If we look back again, here is Eren being positive trying to put Armin in a good mood.

The outside world... endless possibilities. It's a man who wonders.

Yet, AT THE RIGHT MOMENT... he has a flashback of Faye. And his face just change.

Isn't it just weird ? Like at the right moment where he can have a positive outlook on thing. NOPE.

And this has been going and going and going...

Here:

Chapter 130.

Eren arrives in Liberio what does he see.

A flashback of his mother's death

I mean it's pretty clear now.

_________________________________________

Eren has been influenced and convinced by the Attack Titan that there's no way out. He's been reliving past memories of his and others, past memories that were traumatic. It put him in a state of depression and dread through 5 FUCKING YEARS. On top of that, he is able to see the future and what he saw will happen and has happened hence his reaction to Sasha's death.

A fucking mental breakdown.

Jesus Christ, I don't know if I've ever cursed that much in my life.

It's impossible to stop what is going to happen, because what is going to happen, needs to happen.

But as we know Sasha is in the afterlife with Erwin, Hange and the others. And we have been confirmed that this is the afterlife. So we have time-travelling, afterlife, 13 years curse, people who can turn into titans, parallel dimensions and Eren who can see through birds.

But the fandom said, no, the prospect of him being manipulated by the Attack Titan is impossible even after knowing it has special abilities.

I MEAN...

Umm... This has happened before. And I saw no one complain.

So why this ?

Is impossible ?

Especially when Eren's whole arc is about questionning his perspective of the world and becoming in control of his violence and rage. Having an agency. HELLOOOO!!!????

What better way of having the main threat of that being the very thing that causes all of his problems and his powers.

Doesn't this remind anyone of anything ?

Yep. The Uprising Arc. And who ? Historia, the girl whose all life, she couldn't act as herself or have any real agency.

Yes, you know the girl whose pregnant and decided to live the rest of her life Little House On The Prairie style. ( I mean I don't think it's her but... that's what it's looking right now. )

And who is a descendent of Ymir Fritz. With too much uncanney similarities between the two.

They could have said the Founder, Eren Jeager or something else but no they said... "It's the Attack Titan."

And it's not Ymir, if she was the one to control Eren. Why wouldn't she free herself on her own if she's able to do that ?

And in 131, she was clearly in a position where she was questionning her choice.

And perhaps she probably tried to stop Eren but the Attack Titan took over him and her. Using her powers as she is the founder.

And now just like Eren, she has no eyes. She is still a slave. Why ? I thought Eren freed her. So ? This is the only logical explanation right now.

I mean when is the last time we saw Eren.

He was sleeping inside his titan in 131. Having a dream about seeing his "sight" of freedom as a kid. And also potentially watching things with birds.

It's just weird. If he was fully in control, the characters wouldn't have questionned it and none of this weird shit would be happening.

He clearly doesn't have a free will.

This requires too much energy and Eren is a normal Eldian, not one of Royal Blood. Being both in Paths, watching this " sight ", communicating, watching with birds, moving his titan which is enormous and the thousands of colossal titans is clearly hard and too dangerous for only one person to do.

Isayama has fooled us all and me in the process.

All this time, it was that goddamn thing pulling the strings. And with the help of Isayama since he is the goddamn author of this series

In chapter 88, we learn the true meaning of Shingeki No Kyojin.

The beauty of the japanese language, as confusing as it is, can be translated by Attack On Titan, at least for us american and western audiences.

( yes because as someone pointed out in the comments, it's a mistranslation but since I don't understand how to give credit by linking because I don't understand how it works, i can't credit. So you can find the person in the comments. DO NOT JUDGE ME, tumblr is not the best place to post sometimes. )

But it's not the Attack on Titan anymore.

It's the Attack Titan.

( piece of shit is it's surname. )

[object-show-analysis]

Four’s issues, and where they started

Bfb 30 gave us a great insight into Four as a character. But we’ve been given signs of a slow decline in Four’s mental state since far before the announcer’s arrival

When Four first appeared in episode one of BFB, he was incredibly hostile, and nothing like the other objects. He seemed different. Expressionless. Inhuman. All he would do is give directions and kill anyone who so much as questioned him.

Something he didn’t account for, however, is how easily aggravated the contestants themselves are. With a few exceptions, the objects of Goiky are capable of extreme acts of violence. Four learns the hard way in episode 6 that if his contestants don’t like the way he acts, they will do something about it

This is the first time Four sees that his contestants Don’t Like Him. They had enough of him, and actively attempted his murder.

From this point we see a subtle change in Four’s behavior. He seems a little more “human” now, though still very dangerous and often angry. He begins to show a wider range of emotion. It’s clear that his contestants trying to get rude of him had some sort of effect.

We know now that it was always Four’s goal to be loved. He wanted people to quote his words. He wanted viewers to watch him and love him the same way he watched and loved the show. We see evidence of this need to be loved as far back as episode 4, which is one of the first host-centered contests.

When the contestants try to divide him by zero, it’s a wake up call. His current behavior isn’t working. People don’t like him. He needs to change if he wants to be appreciated as a host, and so he does.

And he believes this is enough, until episode 16 when Two takes over the show

Losing most of his competitors and X caused a massive change in 4’s personality. It’s at this point that 4 really comes to the conclusion that no one lies him. It’s a reality that he can barely handle, as he begins to block the experience from his memory, resulting in him forgetting that he told X to leave.

The fact that Four told X to leave is also interesting, as he clearly doesn’t want X to leave him. But in the moment he assumes that X would want to leave just like everyone else. This behavior is repeated in episode 30, when Four assumes no one wants him around as host anymore. This pattern of self-deprecation and assuming the opinion of others seems to be his downfall.

After X is retrieved, we see yet another change in Four’s personality. Though this one is far more noticeable. He acts far more gentle and understanding towards the people around him, especially X, out of what we can assume is fear that they’ll leave again.

Four’s last attempt to gain any sort of love and respect from his contestants can be seen in episode 24, when he tries yet another competition centered around himself. However as soon as he begins to judge the parties, it’s clear that he didn’t get the result that he wanted

The only contestants who actually attempted to make him a real party were Flower and Leafy (I’ll post a whole other analysis on the two of them soon). Everyone else either made a party for a different person, or purposefully weaponized the challenge against Four.

Four begins to get frustrated with the contestants and his co-host from this point on, as X begins to take Purple Face as his own co-host.

It’s from this point where we see the final change in Four’s personality. His threatening nature is gone. No one is scared of him anymore. He tells jokes and attempts to be more relatable to the people around him.

These efforts to bring positive attention back to himself fail once again, as The Announcer comes back to steal BFDI.

When The Announcer shows up, Four is tired. He’s tired of changing. Tired of being forgotten and ignored. In one last attempt to make himself feel seen, he takes over the landscape, making it impossible for anyone to ignore him.

He traps himself in his own mind, in a world where no one can neglect him or ask him to change again. Because he assumes no one else wants him around. He forgets his roll as host of BFB, and his cohost that cares for him dearly.

In the end, all Four needed was a reminder that his contestants and his cohost do love him. Gelatin’s words, the BFB, and the party that Profiley throws for him make Four realize that he’s appreciated. And that’s really all he ever wanted.