#where i make a weak attempt at communicating with someone and immediately feel like i did something wrong and should leave

[haarute]

remembering how i not only filled my school folders with drawings, but also i drew elaborate things on my desk all the time out of boredom, and i actually met the girl who went to the afternoon shift in the same classroom and spot i sat at during that year as she was a cosplayer i briefly met for being in the local anime con scene.

i once tried to talk to her to maybe make friends with her, but she was very dismissive of me, and at a later date she just left me a message on our desk telling me to stop drawing stupid things and erased most of it, at which point i just felt really bad and never bothered or saw her again.

[suchawrathfullamb]

Hannibal Lecter as The Devil

Our fandom usually ignores key elements that were said about the characters, especially the ones that state very clearly that the show is not the same as the books or movies. And the one thing that usually gets mixed up the most is, of course, Hannibal's past and even his very essence.

Our Hannibal is the devil. Apparently literally so. He is not the way he is because of his past trauma. He even says so in the show but most people dismiss it as him being avoidant. No. Literally. Nothing happened to him, he happened.

This is why some fans get so confused about the character's actions and motives, because they are ignoring this very important aspect: he is the devil, he is not some traumatized guy. Don't fight me on it, I'm just communicating what the creator and Mads himself have said. But when you take this into consideration it actually makes everything more interesting, fascinating and makes a lot more sense, too.

The devil despised humanity, or, thought he was superior. This is Hannibal. He sees himself as above everyone else, and in the show, he actually is, as this isn't a neurosis or complex, but who he is. Human emotions are weaknesses because they make you suffer, prone to error and vulnerable. This is why he goes insane when he falls in love with Will. He literally ate his sister simply because he loved her and loving her made him tender, therefore he "denied" his nature for her. He ate her in order to forgive her for committing this "crime". Didn't kill her, but had to consume her in order to put himself above his love for her.

When he falls for Will, he experiences a loss of control he never experienced before, as passion does, and he is the control king so naturally this makes him desperate and absolutely insane. This is why he does everything he does to Will, because he is trying to prove to himself that love isn't stronger than He is, that he is capable of following his nature and urges beyond his feelings for Will.

This is why that scene where he is crying after Will was put in prison, is so important, sooo important and most of us don't pay enough attention. Abigail wasn't dead, we thought he was crying for her, later we find out that she was safe and alive. Mads even confirmed but didn't have to because it becomes obvious then that he was crying for Will. But the dialogue is what makes the scene so important.

They're talking about having "kids":

He was disappointed when Will didn't immediately accept him once he found out the truth. He felt so betrayed and he felt like he failed guiding Will properly to accept himself and Hannibal. Framing Will was heartbreaking for him but he had to make himself do it to prove he was still in control. That he wouldn't let his feelings put him in a vulnerable position and risk his life and freedom (which he ultimately does in the end).

When he finally admits or realizes he is in love, that's when he does the unspeakable and tries to eat Will. Bryan confirmed he wasn't actually going to go through with it, but in the heat of emotion after feeling betrayed by Will yet again, he just reaches a new level of insanity.

Soon, he realizes what he's done and the rarity of him feeling regret happens (hence the time reversing attempt). This is why he surrenders. He wasn't being "petty", he was trying to show Will he truly loved him, also because that man cannot believe for the life of him that Hannibal, the devil himself, is capable of love. Which is ALSO why the jokes about him having to ask aren't actually congruent with canon. No one would realistically believe someone like Hannibal would be capable of love. No, he didn't know before asking Bedelia, Hugh already confirmed but if you pay attention to the show this should not have been the interpretation. Will literally fucks everything up BECAUSE he refuses to believe H loves him. Yes, the dream, etc etc, I already made a post explaining that scene, too. It's in the meta tags and called Will Graham and the Denial of Love, anyway, this is such a beautiful tale of the devil falling for a human, only to discover he actually fell in love with another fallen angel, and the act itself made him more human.

[ad-hawkeye]

incoming live blogging of my reread of alkaid's solitary light route for azure island. ough my god. it's so good.

“you enjoy any song i sing” followed by alkaid immediately being like oh shit what if she doesnt believe me and she thinks i’m just--

love the ominous singer third wheeling in this scene. keep it up king.

alkaid giving her his coat. ugh. weak for that trope dont @ me.

him realizing mc is scared of the singing man just bc her hand tensed up.

wordless understanding in looking and nodding at each other. god. shoot me.

hehe the radio show makes its return. mc’s mother how we missed ye…

wordless communication just by touching mc’s palm. her immediately knowing what alkaid was saying with that action. i hate couples i hate couples i hate cou

“alkaid looks at me patiently, making no attempt to press me into giving an answer - whether or not i tell him is entirely up to me” vibrates. vibrates

“can you come to my room…? “…?”

“i dont want to hide anything from alkaid” followed by mc just. explaining everything about her mother. and he just listens. and only caresses the back of her hand when she gets upset speaking.

“don’t be too hard on yourself. it’s not your fault.” that’s rich coming from mr. guilt himself! very sweet though HAHA

also alkaid being so moved by mc’s story that he spends the whole entire night gathering information from books, the police station, and his mother… then writing notes about ALL of it. just so he can try to get to the bottom of the matter.

“if you are unable to read them clearly, please let me know” okay so mr astronomy has bad handwriting? sounds typical for a stem major HAHA

alkaid telling mc what he learned from his mother about how she had been to pettman island before and how she knew about the weird phenomena.

“forget about the lighthouse. there is something more important” jump cut to mc’s room with that 'something more important' being that alkaid needs to rest. this feels exactly like alkaid’s travel event 2 where alkaid says he needs help with something urgent and that 'something urgent' being helping mc get over her art block.

touching his eyelashes is back on the menu boys!!! i love how alkaid is just. used to it by now. how often has mc done this since te2.

brushing a lock of hair behind someone’s ear is another favorite trope of mine. im going to kill alkaid for this (affectionately)

alkaid waking up the moment mc approaches him, obviously about to leave. he had a feeling mc would try to investigate shit on her own.

“between lovers, there should be no secrets” returns from white day! so cute! i also love how these two can just be totally open without any fear of judgement. even if it means telling alkaid upfront that she wants to go alone. instead of immediately getting upset, alkaid just listens to her. and wordlessly understands that he’s at high risk if he were to join.

“keep in touch with me while you’re away. and stay safe. don’t take risks” is the chad’s version of “i love you” dont @ me.

[buffster]

The Replacement (BTVS 5.03)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

This episode got heavy on the psycho-analysis. Let's dive in.

We open on Xander's continued humiliation in his parent's basement. He's double dating with Buffy and Riley and--I assume--doesn't have the cash to take this party literally anywhere else. The cat peed on his hot plate--eliminating their food options--and his parents quickly start fighting horribly upstairs.

All signs point to Xander developing his easy-going, friendly, always-has-a-joke personality as a way to cope with his parent's toxic relationship. If he was able to lighten the mood it probably gave him a sense of safety when it calmed down the screaming and throwing. No wonder he's charming with even the most hostile people.

Xander witnesses Riley please Buffy with some shoulder rubbing and quickly tries it on Anya who--whoops--has a dislocated shoulder. But it's not all paradise in Briley land. Riley is feeling a little neglected in the relationship as Buffy dives headlong into slaying. He makes some subtle remarks but never opts to just communicate his needs to Buffy.

Riley: Hey, Buff. Maybe you oughtta leave the work behind sometimes. You're not always a slayer on duty, you know.

Buffy: Well, it would drive you crazy if this was an army movie and they were all, you know, saluting backwards and, and… invading all willy-nilly.

Subtext here:

Riley: Hey Buffy, pay attention to me on our date night.

Buffy: Oh, he's annoyed I'm analyzing the movie. Sorry!

The awkward date seems to finally give Xander a push to look at apartments. They immediately assume Riley is the one looking. Anya's matter-of-fact dissection of his life is definitely not helping his self-esteem, either.

Anya: Which is when, Xander? 'Cause right now things are looking pretty un-together and you can't expect me to just wait around-

Xander: Quiet, please. Anya, what is this? What's going on with you?

Anya: What's going on is my arm is hurt and I'm tired and I don't really feel like finishing the tour of beautiful things I can't have.

We're also getting a little more Anya character development this season as we see her adjust to what it means to be human. This episode highlights some of their issues as a couple. Anya is looking for a protector and a provider, which leaves Xander constantly feeling like he's not enough. Xander needs someone to bolster his confidence and self-worth, which I don't think Anya's matter-of-fact attitude really does. There's also a sense that neither of them are really seeing the other. Anya looks at Xander and sees the role he plays in the list of things she wants to accomplish during her human life. Xander looks at Anya and sees someone to bolster his ego and--to be honest--someone who embarrasses him.

The demon Toth plans to attack Buffy but hits Xander instead.

Xander: So, you take the bullet for the swinging Scooby-friends and what do you get? A pat on the head? A tasteful medal? No! You get left for dead under a light layer of moldy socks and banana peels!

How did Xander genuinely believe his friends would just leave him there? Goodness.

The Xander split raises the question of whether Xander is wearing his weakness as a defense mechanism. As I said, a jovial, non-threatening personality probably worked to disarm his father and mother and created a sense of safety. The "weak" version of Xander is the most Xander-like of the two, to the extent we're suspicious the other one isn't Xander at all. Strong Xander dresses well and carries himself with confidence. He nods solemnly as Giles explains what likely happened, while "weak" Xander is shouting, "It's probably a robot!" Does Xander feel safer being the joke even as it cuts at his self-esteem?

Xander: I'm just... another great humiliation. And this time it's even worse. This demon, he's like, taking my life and, everyone's treating him...everyone's treating him like a grown-up. Well, I'm starting to feel like... Like, it's doing everything better, it's smarter and... I don't know. Maybe I should just let it have it. Take my life, please.

I do think Willow has a point that there's a connection missing between Xander and Anya. He doesn't think of her for some time during the whole fiasco, signaling she's not his partner in a real way. It seems more like they stumbled into a relationship and never saw a reason to end things than anything else. Xander says he "needs her" but...why? Though Riley claims Anya "wants the whole package", I got the sense she was far more attracted to strong Xander and could have done away with the other part.

I want to touch on Buffy and Dawn's sibling rivalry for a second. I think part of it is meant to be attributed to Buffy having to acclimate to a sister after always being an only child, but I say Joyce gets some of the blame here too. Children need adults to intervene and create boundaries. Why is Joyce allowing Dawn to stand in the hallway and harass Buffy? You're just not fostering a good relationship here, Joyce.

After we learn that Toth meant to split Buffy into slayer Buffy and regular Buffy, Buffy has concerns:

Buffy: Well, you have been kinda rankly about the whole "Slayer" gig. Instead of Slayer Buffy you could have Buffy Buffy.

Riley: I have Buffy Buffy. Being the slayer is part of who you are. You keep thinking I don't get that, but --

Buffy: I just know how unfun it can be. Bad hours, frequent bruising, cranky monsters-

Riley: Buffy, if you led a perfectly normal life, you wouldn't be half as crazy as you are. I gotta have that. I'm talking toes, elbows, the whole bad-ice-skating-movie obsession, everything. There's no part of you I'm not in love with.

The thing is, I don't think Riley does have a problem with slaying. At least not with the slaying itself. He has a problem with what being a Slayer means: Buffy doesn't look to him as a partner. Riley isn't strong enough to stand by her side. She has to protect him and therefore must stand alone. I think this fact also carries over to other areas of her life, which is why she doesn't lean on him even in areas where she could. The trauma of Angelus also left a lasting impact on her and she's unable to fully lean on anyone. There is a part of her that stands apart...Riley senses that and becomes insecure. Add in some abandonment trauma from her dad, and I think Buffy has some clear attachment issues. None of this has anything to do with Riley himself, but he doesn't get that.

He seems to take the view that allowing someone into her Slaying life is letting them in completely, but I don't think that's true. Later in the season she lets Spike stand by her side because he can physically handle it, but it's not until she tests him again and again that she begins to think he might not leave her and she feels safe to open up. And we're only beginning to get there by series end. Riley is missing the point here, is what I'm saying!

Once the Xanders are back as one, the gang helps Xander finally move out of the basement. He thinks people only want cool Xander, and we see Dawn whisper that she likes the weak part of him, too. Xander also mentions that Anya always make him feel insecure, which I don't think is a great sign.

Riley: Hey, I'm well aware of how lucky I am. Like, lottery lucky. Buffy's like nobody else in the world. When I'm with her, it's like I'm split in two -- half of me is just on fire, going crazy if I'm not touching her. Other half is so still and peaceful, just perfectly content. Just knows: this is the one. But she doesn't love me.

I'm going to hold thoughts on this until later in the season.

Character Notes:

Riley Finn: We continue to see his identity is increasingly tied up in being Buffy's boyfriend. It's not that she's the center of his world...it's that she's his entire world. He genuinely likes psychology and wants to lock the Xanders in separate rooms and do experiments on them.

Spike: We see him scavenging at the local dump.

Xander Harris: He has a collection of Babylon 5 commemorative plates. Also "for my seventh birthday I wanted a toy fire truck and I didn't get it and you were really nice about it and then the house next door burned down and real fire trucks came and for years I thought you set the fire for me. And if you did, you can tell me." Every Christmas he watches Charlie Brown with Willow and does the Snoopy dance.

[licncourt]

Licncourt you're right as always about female coding and you hit the nail on the head about Louis!

My opinion about Lestat is that he was portrayed as the stereotypical bad woman: vain, shallow, cruel and foolish but beautiful. But he was also a victim whom the narrative constantly forces to forgive and love his abusers because that's the only way he becomes worthy of being loved. It happened with Magnus, Akasha, Armand and also with his father (the only time Lestat didn't want to forgive someone... but was pushed to do so) It's frustrating if you think about it, because that's what society expects of women.

I'm really glad you think so!! He's so girl to me but in the right way, not the Anne Rice way.

I was sooo happy when I read this because !!! You are absolutely onto something here that should be examined further. There's some overlap between Louis and Lestat for sure when it comes to female-coding, both of them being portrayed as over-emotional and somewhat effeminate etc, but it's really cool how the rest contrasts in such an interesting way, like a Venn diagram. I've talked plenty about Louis being pretty directly analogous to the stereotypes of a lustful, weak-willed, hysterical woman whose primary assigned value is beauty, but there's a LOT to say about Lestat too.

I love what you said here because the first part really feels like a throughline tying Lestat to the women who helped established the Bad Woman archetypes in the literary canon like Medea (vindictive and treacherous), Lady Macbeth (power-hungry for personal gain), or Delilah (a calculated honeytrap for "righteous men"). In spite of his anger and mistreatment of Louis, most of Lestat's flaws in the trilogy are strikingly feminine in the literary sense. He's quite literally portrayed as a cruel, shrill gold-digger who dickmatized a rich husband and trapped him with a child.

Yes, he's an angry, domineering man, but it's the impotence behind his anger that pivots towards the stereotypically feminine. Throughout IWTV, he's all bark and no bite, yelling, whining, throwing books and sulking, even having an affair to punish Louis for his coldness and lack of affection versus anything more direct and aggressive. It really reads like the idea of a bitchy housewife tormenting her husband while trying to get her way and take revenge.

In addition, I really like the comparison of him with the wicked mother archetype, a maternal figure who poisons the daughter with her own trauma and anger (Clytemnestra-esque) and creates another monstrous woman in her own image. I've mentioned this before, but I think the creation of Claudia can be read symbolically as a conception, pregnancy, and birth, Louis draining her as a sort of insemination that's useless on its own but is "gestated" or made into a whole (a vampire child) by Lestat/his blood. In those terms, Lestat is immediately set up as a mother figure to Claudia, then again later when she's situated as a direct rival and narrative parallel to him. Generational trauma is passed from Gabrielle to and through Lestat and into Claudia as if he was also a daughter in the chain.

In terms of victimhood, what you said is also very interesting because it's one of the few places where this female-coded Lestat slips through and re-emerges really prominently in late canon despite AR's attempts to masculinize him. In trying to redeem him and make him "perfect", she puts him back into the feminine role with the societal expectation that a woman should forgive her abuser and take the high road, empathize with him even, especially in religious communities (interesting considering AR's wild rollercoaster ride with Catholicism). It's as if Lestat's disdain for Magnus is an unpleasant loose end she needs to tie up so he can be "good" now.

I think it's interesting too that the only abuser that the narrative doesn't ever give a sympathetic sort of pass to is Akasha, the sole woman who inflicted this kind of abuse on Lestat and a victim of bodily exploitation in her own right. Even the Marquis receives the narrative's sympathy as a repentant old man, even Magnus the monster. Not Akasha though. She's just a bitter man-hater and Lestat has to choose whether he wants to be also.

(Btw this is such @nasnyys business and what he screams into the void about every day so I'm making him a part of this. Everyone go talk to him about Lestat and evil woman allegories.)

[sugarwbread]

[MONKIE KID] MAYOR X fem!READER

Warnings: yandere, falling in love, mentioning magic (ritual), abduction, the reader is a girl, mistakes in the text. Headcanon - Mayor's name is Ernest (just don't ask)

「Let me hold you tight Through the day and night Rolling out of sight so silent」

Walking through the evening park, you feel someone's annoying, shivering gaze on you. You look around, realizing that there is no one next to you. You swallow the accumulated saliva, smile to yourself (at least you try) and walk on with a slow step.

-Sorry, - the voice behind you made your heart stop for a moment and beat in a frenzied rhythm, and you – to make something like a wheeze and turn around quickly.

The voice that scared the hell out of you belonged to a middle-aged man in a formal suit. He was smiling broadly, his turquoise eyes sparkling with fun.

-You dropped it, - he hands you a notebook that most likely fell out of your bag.

-Oh, thank you, - you take your little thing from him, smiling nervously.

-You're welcome. Have a good evening, - he bows to you and leaves.

You look after him, clutching the fallen notebook to your chest, and an alarming thought flashes through your head.

There was no one in the park.

「I'm for all the sakes Taking all it takes Wanna break the walls inside ya」

You were perfect. You were an angel in his dark, gloomy, hell-like life. You were his perfect weakness.

The mayor has been watching you for a month. Knew everything about you: where you live and work, your family, your hobbies, with whom you communicate. You had a boyfriend, which really annoyed man. To see the way you smile, laugh and kiss that brat.. makes him want to kill your boyfriend with his own hands so that he suffocates in his own blood. He is not worthy to be near such a wonderful flower that belongs only to the Mayor.

And now, looking at your time in the cafe, the desire to shed someone else's blood only became clearer.

-Come on, Ethan, let's go to the park, - you drawl, looking at the guy with a pleading look.

-I'm sorry, but I have to go somewhere on business. How about tomorrow? – you nod, and the smile disappears from your face.

Ernest grits his teeth. If you were his girlfriend, he would immediately go to the park with you just to make you happy. And your "loving" boyfriend makes you sad. One more thing to kill him.. Well, nothing will stop the Mayor soon.

Leaving with a guy, you turn your head for a second, noticing the man who scared you late at night. He noticed your look and smiled amiably, waving his hand. You nodded and quickly turned away. Something about him scared you.

「God is all you’ve got Let me help you out You won’t make me stop Hiding in your heart and call」

You are looking into the distance with detachment. A fine rain drips down your face, but you don't care. A few days ago, your boyfriend.. Your sweet Ethan was found dead in a suspicious neighborhood.

The funeral was over an hour ago, no one was there, but you continued to stand. The tears no longer flowed from your eyes – you have cried them out these days.

Suddenly the raindrops stop dripping on you. You throw off your head, seeing a black umbrella over you.

-It's not worth it for such a beautiful lady to stand in the rain, - a cheerful and too familiar voice comes from your left, where you immediately turn around.

The same suit, the same bright-colored eyes, only the hair is a little disheveled. You smile at him like crazy.

-This is the third meeting with you, right?

-Yes, - it's a lie. You understand this, because you've seen him somewhere in passing more than once. And he always smiled and waved at you.

You shudder slightly when a man's hand grabs you by the arm, pulling you along.

-Eh?! Where-

You don't have time to be indignant, trying to keep up with him.

-Wait, - an attempt to shout to him turned out to be useless – he hums a simple song without looking back at you.

You silently allow yourself to be led, looking at the stranger's broad back, wishing that he would stop and explain himself. And your wish came true when the black-haired man stopped next to the car. He opened the door with his free hand and walked away a little, hinting at you to get in the car. But you stand still, nervously looking at the man.

-You'd better sit down, my dear Y.n.

You jump into the car with lightning speed. It wasn't the "threat" that affected you, but his knowledge of your name. You watch with fright as he sits down next to you and turns to you. At the same moment, the car started moving, forcing you to jerk a little.

-Uhm.. Mister, where are we going? – you try to move away from him, wondering if it would be a good idea to open the door and jump out of the car.

-To my house, - he grins, driving you to the window itself, -You better not do anything stupid, my flower, - he takes your hand and presses his cheek to it, covering his eyes. You swallow, frantically searching the interior of the car, - Oh, yes, call me Ernest better. And you should get some sleep. The road will be long.

And before you can protest, your eyelids get heavy, your body becomes wadded up, and the last thing you see is Ernest's glowing eyes.

「For love. For love. For love. For love. Call for love. Call for love」

-My bird, you're so beautiful, - he coos, lifting your chin. In the mirror you see a beautiful girl, and behind her is a demon.

The demon who killed you mentally (it's a pity that not physically), made you suffer and love him.

-Why do you have tears in your eyes, my dear? – you watch how the Mayor lovingly collects your tears. You close your eyes so as not to see this caring look. How you hate him! – Don't cry. It's time to do the ritual, my Y.n.

You feel someone else's hot breath on your lips, and then someone else's lips. Ernest kisses you tenderly, reverently, putting his feelings to you.

You wonder: why are you? What attracted him to you? Why did he choose you out of all the people in this world?!

-You're beautiful, - he weaves his palms with yours. You look with indifference at your hands, where the glare from the paired rings flicker – a gift from Ernest, as proof that he loves you, - You are an angel, - he looks with admiration at your long eyelashes, trembling every time you sighed, - And you are only mine.

The whole room is enveloped in red smoke, reminiscent of cigarette smoke, but instead of a pungent smell – sweet, apple. The Mayor's eyes are shining again, as on the day of the funeral.. whom? You don't remember.

You are both lifted by an incomprehensible force. A man's arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

-I love you, - he whispers, and the smoke fills you from the inside, - I love you, - he repeats again. You feel a burning sensation in your chest, right where your heart is, - love you, - you look at bright turquoise eyes, - love.

-love, - you say involuntarily, being afraid of this. See how your "lover" is grinning.

The hatred for him gradually disappears. Instead she comes.. love? This can't be happening! You can't love him! Not him!

But the words coming out of your mouth say the opposite. No! No, it's not you! It's that damn demon doing something to you!

-Ernest, - you say softly. He looks at you questioningly, slightly tilting his head. You reach for his face and kiss him. You feel his grin on your bitten lips, and then – a wet tongue.

Breathe hard. The Mayor's eyes become normal – the ritual has worked, as evidenced by your kiss. You close your eyes, plunging into darkness and feeling the gentle hands of your beloved (!) man.

Oh, how lovely you are, his charming flower.

You were the right choice.

「Hate me and crave me Beg me and slave me Loose and obtain me Let me, just let me」 - [Call for Love - KHAYAT]

[v1-kisser]

V1's character arc in my silly little selfship AU is really interesting to me (obviously, I made it lmao)

Utc because this is way longer than anticipated lol!!

But seriously. While it is sentient, it was built for violence and has seen nothing but violence. The way its systems work actively encourages it to be violent.

But then it learns that it has to depend on this weak, terrified, but intelligent engineer for its continued survival. And this engineer has all this experience and all these ideas that are so foreign to it. He can envision life without violence. The way he works discourages it. And as they work together, get closer, it has to place more and more emphasis on communication and cooperation. Which is a completely foreign concept to it, but it's willing to learn and adapt to survive.

But when the engineer suggests that V1 could be more than its original purpose to infiltrate and kill, the idea is, ironically, so alien and terrifying that it rejects it outright. It downplays its own intelligence to maintain its identity as an unfeeling machine of war. It knows that it is not the same as it once was, something has changed it. Someone has changed it. But this change is something it is terrified of. It feels that violence is so integral to who it is, that it debates killing the engineer to attempt to silence all other voices.

It can't. After all this time, it just can't. And it is angry. Angry and it doesn't have the words to describe why. Not without admitting that it has emotions in the first place. The engineer, unaware of this inner turmoil, continues to encourage it to become a well rounded person. This leads to V1 lashing out, the engineer being confused and upset... And eventually, one large, messy fight, where V1 attempts to kill the engineer. It doesn't. It doesn't even lay a hand on him. It wants to, it would be so easy to. But it knows killing him won't reverse those changes he's brought. Killing him would just leave it alone. And that... that is a new fear. The fear of having nothing to come back to.

The engineer recognizes that fear. He knows it well. He asks it to talk to him, to just... explain what it's thinking the best it can. He is an engineer. He will fix it. And the words V1 gives him are clumsy. They're bitter, and they're angry, but they're scared. And the engineer thinks he understands. He explains it as the growing pains of sentience, that it's normal. The thoughts it has, wanting quiet days, looking at stars, making jokes. They're normal. They're not something to be scared of.

He explains that being more than violence does not mean its existence has no purpose. Its purpose has only shifted, from senseless violence, to survival. To live and enjoy whatever moments it can. It's freedom. Independence and dependence both at once. And this doesn't immediately make sense to V1... but it grows into it. It becomes more appreciative of the world around it. It becomes more cooperative, more affectionate. It discovers that it loves games of chance, and loud, fast-paced rhythms. It likes watching birds of prey. It gives long, tight hugs. It loves its engineer with a ferocity that it's never felt for anything else. Its adventures become just... exploring for the hell of it.

V1 never stops killing, it still needs blood to live. It never drops its interest in weaponry, in showing off. It is still cruel to an extent (you don't ever want to be at the wrong end of its jokes...). It struggles with expressing itself. It can still be cold and callous. In some ways, it's the same as it's always been. Now it's just... alive. It's truly alive.

[quinloki]

Idk why Marco and Jinbe specifically are my favorite. Tbh they both show up so late in the manga but I don't even remember who my favorites were before them. I just saw them and it was an immediate latching on, my brain just went YUP THEMS THE ONE. (At least for Jinbe, with Marco it didn't happen until Marineford.) But where do I even begin. I'm head over heels for those men. I would bear their children if they wanted (and I don't want kids so much that I got sterilized, but if I weren't and they were real and asked- yes, anything for you, absolutely.)

Marco is just. Ugh, so cool, the moment he transformed I knew it was over (I am weak for animal-shifter characters or chars with animal traits.) But beyond the coolest zoan fruit ever he's just so loyal and fun and sweet. I think about Marco frequently. I don't generally use this phrase because it's a bit after my time, but I could consider him a comfort character. When I cook I think of Sanji standing by encouraging me. When I do difficult mental health stuff or taking care of myself I think of Marco. I know he would care so much it hurt. I just feel it. If I need reassurance falling asleep, bam, I just picture him with me. And things are better because someone I think is amazing cares.

Currently have a Marco/Reader longfic planned. The Google doc for it is 18k words of just notes/scene ideas. It's the longest doc of all my planned longfics. Speaking of which, I really need to read Birds of a Feather.

As for Jinbe... he's so genuinely kind and honest. I love his laugh. I love how badass he is. I love knowing how strong he is but knowing he would be SO gentle. He's a pillar in the communities he's in. He knows when he's made mistakes and apologizes sincerely (i.e. Arlong). He's determined and headstrong in a good way. I love how he shows that pride can be a beautiful, just thing.

Also I love how god dang BIG he is and I love his pointy teeth and big mouth and cute round nose. I'm terrified of whale sharks IRL (the thought of being in the water with anything big scares me but especially things with huge mouths like whales, like, just a picture of a basking shark feeding gives me the creeps) but I know Jinbe would take me swimming and introduce me to one all gently and show me there's nothing to be afraid of even as I have a death grip on his hand.

Marco is not Jinbe big but he's still stupidly tall compared to me and that makes me kinda swoon. I love my big faves. I love how happy thinking about them makes me.

I need to finish plotting a Jinbe fic. Shameful I've never put out any solo works with wither fave in them. Idk why!!! Brain weird.

Thanks for listening to my rambles!!

(Also, speaking of poly stuff, Ace keeps creeping into the Marco fic wanting to be included and at this point I'm starting to cave in...)

\o/ I love everything about this. I had to read it twice because my "I just woke up for the day" brain wasn't picking it all up the first time.

I will, without shame, say, yes, you should read Birds of a Feather. I'm quite proud of how it's turning out and it might become my personal favorite at this rate.

I've noticed that it can actually be harder to write about your faves. I think there's a paralysis in there of wanting to get it PERFECT, because your feelings for them are so strong that anything less than PERFECT isn't good enough. But, we don't love them cause they're perfect, and thus perfection isn't a requirement - it's never a requirement, it's a trap, honestly.

Getting words and lines on paper is all that's needed. The intent will be there, the skill will follow, but the EFFORT, that's the important part. The effort to just type or draw or whatever. That attempt, that time, that result - no matter how it turns out, that's the important part. That's the love.

To try and fail is more a sign of appreciation and love than to stay still waiting perfection.

BUT I HAVE DIGRESSED A BIT.

If Ace wants to be included, I wouldn't stop him. /nod nod/. More than that though, when you start posting these, tag me, or DM me or send an ask with a link.

I look forward to reading them ^_^

[wildymoon]

WILBUR LORE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

NOTE: THE BELOW IS TALKING ABOUT THE CHARACTERS FROM THE DREAM SMP, NOT THE CONTENT CREATORS OR ANY OF THEIR OTHER CHARACTERS.

I want Wilbur to apologize again, what we got at the start of the stream wasn't enough imo.

Before anyone yells at me about the whole threatening Dream thing being a grand old attempt at making amends, I feel like I need to explain why doing that cancelled out a fair bit of the good it does.

Because on one hand, great! Dream has no more power over him, in theory.* Tommy still has his discs, Dream is royally fucked (especially if people like Quackity didn't know where he's been hiding until now, cause that information's bound to leak out), and Wilbur has gotten what he wanted: a way to protect Tommy as much as he possibly can from the green bastard that nearly took his life so many times (and succeeded thrice), as well as a way to fully legitimize himself and the nation he created.

But on the other hand, there are so many problems and downsides to this plan. Don't get me wrong, I loved it and was on the edge of my seat the whole time, plus I doubt I (or most other people) could come up with a much better way to do it, but the only two things about the plan (not the execution of it) that Wilbur got flawlessly (or close enough to it) were Dream's weakness and Tommy's reaction needing to believe the discs were genuine.

Here's a list of the things I believe Wilbur should (but probably won't, partially because I don't think he would/should regret most of it, but also because this confrontation felt final enough that I don't think there'd be a continuation) apologize for:

In order to even come up with this plan, he had to push Tommy into taking him to Logstedshire, despite him being INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT.

Outright lying to Tommy about the flint and steel wasn't a fun part of the plan, but I'll pass it cause it would've freaked him out more if he knew Wilbur had it and wasn't using it. Still putting it on the list cause I want to recognize it.

Mentioning he was tired of all the self-targeted damage/death, before immediately turning around and threatening to burn himself alive if Dream doesn't follow orders, which definitely wouldn't be good for the mental health of someone who was contemplating jumping off a cobble tower (and technically did so) and is already panicking over being in the same inescapable building as his abuser and three-time murderer.

Continuing off of that actually, threatening to do it when Tommy started freaking out about the discs. He does not want to see Wilbur (regardless of iteration) die in front of him for what is at least the 3rd time, if not the 5th.

Telling Tommy to shut up basically whenever he spoke. Things do get more complicated when there are multiple voices talking at once and you start getting anxious you're not being heard, but damn did you have to be such a dick about it? Especially when (iirc) Dream gave him that order as well, several times, in a similar tone.

Making the entire scenario about him, as Tommy mentioned on the way to the community house. It worked, but that's not as good when you realize it's only gonna stoke that kind of behavior. I don't really know how to talk about this for a couple of reasons though...

Getting the 'discs' burnt, which caused Tommy a great deal of distress. Again, already traumatized and you add this to the pile. Ouch.

TL;DR, I want Wilbur to apologize for putting Tommy through like 5 chained emotional wringers. He can be proud of his plan working (despite it being kinda D:), but just give us an apology for taking away another like 20 years from Tommy's revived lifespan through stress alone.

* I had to rewatch the video to make sure both discs were burnt, in my first go-through I only saw Mellohi and was certain Dream kept Cat. He didn't, but imagine the chaos IF Wilbur thought he burnt both and he didn't. Someone would get screwed over then.

[cakeinthevoid]

Prologue - The Raid of Luar

I still feel like a bit of an intro is needed... Luar is a moon to Icarro, and is dependant on the larger and more environmentally diverse planet to supply them with the necessities of life. Tensions have been growing between the two worlds, despite Luarans essentially being Icarrans that have evolved slightly differently as a result of spending generations on the moon. Luarans have more of an affinity for magic and manipulating the energies of the world, much to the annoyance of Icarrans. Icarrans make up for it with their fierce military and incredible technologies though...

The attack barely lasted a minute. An Icarran terrorist—soldier, she amended, he was in uniform—had blown open the door to her building and in seconds Diana was pinned to the walls and bleeding out on the mosaic tile. Elder Kacian's suggestion to begin learning defensive and offensive magic rang mockingly in her ears. She had never felt a need to learn magic as a weapon. She preferred the simple castings and interesting spells—and she became a force to be reckoned with as the most skilled Lights Caster in her town. Not to say she had no skill in other domains—she truly considered herself a versatile mage with respectable skill in all magic disciplines.

How naive. She had simply froze as Icarrans invaded her home and nearly killed her.

Luarans had the same weakness as Icarrans, but to a significantly greater extent. Nickel and Iron—what their weapons were made of—were some of the most damaging of all the metals that harmed them. Gold and Silver were one of the very few safe ones—some even wore them as piercings.

The thought of piercing her body with any metal had always repulsed Diana.

Now she was well and truly nauseous from the nickel spear impaling her wrist.

Short enough to be launched from a cross-gun, the spear was still long enough to have pinned her left arm above her head to the wall. The pain radiated all the way to her chest, her core.

She needed to get it out before they came back, or her abilities would remain severely limited. The worst consequence of the metal was how it impeded magic and energy flow; in combination with the blood loss, she didn't think she could cast an illusion, let alone teleport to safety.

The Icarrans were moving through the street with a terrifying efficiency, spear guns and blasters going off like clockwork. It was chaos outside. People running in all directions, children crying, voices cutting off abruptly—

She could only listen to every explosion, every scream with horror. She couldn't move. She knew she had to get up, but her neighbour's last words to her after she had healed the fatal wound on her leg had been to stay put. Magnola said she would return to remove the spear from her wrist—lest she risk permanent damage to her nerves or bleed out in her own attempt to remove it. It was not an immediately life threatening injury, she had said. Then she had left the crumbling building in search of other Luarans to save. Every minute mattered when someone was bleeding out of an artery.

Magnola had run out, spotting a man across the street beginning to slump. She slid on her knees to his side, hands already outstretched to manipulate his life force and heal the bloodiest cuts. From her point of view, Diana had not seen any Icarrans on the street. A heartbeat later, she heard shouts and Magnola's head was rolling on the bloody street.

Diana felt the bile rise sharply in her throat. She blinked, as if that would dispel the image of her neighbour's head rolling. Madam Magnola, who gave her sweet treats after the longest days at school, who gave her the biggest pieces of pie on holidays—Magnola who had a daughter of her own.

She distantly thought of her own mother, who was on the other side of the moon. She hoped she still was anyway. There was no way to know now; the Icarrans had torn down the communication towers soon after they bombed the airstrips and ship ports.

Where were the ships? Why wasn't there anyone coming to help? Luar's military was only a fraction of Icarro's, but it was still a military—what happened? Why was it getting quieter? What was that droning noise?

Diana couldn't think straight anymore. Everything was blending together. She thought of Magnola whenever she tuned into the sharp pain in her wrist, only to realize she would not be coming back. She watched her die and yet she could not accept the idea that it could happen that fast. She saw Magnola killed again, right in front of her. She was already dead. Healers couldn't bring people back to life.

Oh stars, she thought. I'm dying, too.

[just-my-fandom]

Heartache (Shouta Aizawa x Pro-Hero! Reader)

A/N: Ooo-kay, finally back from my month long, needed break from writing. I’m kinda attached to MHA at the moment, so that is what I am taking requests for.

Summary; The two times where two of UAs teachers nearly lose their lives to protect their students, mindful of the child they have at home.

Request; Can we have some pro hero love where reader (pro hero) and Mr. Aizawa have a daughter and Thirteen who is readers best friend is said daughters god mom while Present Mic is the god dad plz

Akari- Japanese name meaning “Light”. Readers quirk is the ability to send large waves of energy a selective distance, and shield herself with said energy.

Two months prior- U.A.

“Alright, everyone,”

Shouta Aizawa seemed well too calm this early morning. Too calm despite the fact that he is holding a child on his hip, who looked all too like him.

“Today’s lesson is simple. Based on communication,” He starts, “Communication when it comes to citizens. This lesson will teach you how to comfort an injured or scared citizen during an attack, specifically women and children,”

“Uh, Mr. Aizawa?” Denki Kaminari was first to speak up, hand half raised in confusion, “Why do you have a baby?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Mina leans forward, eyes wide and gleaming happily, “That’s Mr. Aizawas and Neutron Shields baby! She looks just like him,”

“Lets not jump to conclusions,” Shouta hums, but the barely visible smirk on his lips lets his class know that the toddler is, indeed, his own, “I brought Akari here today for the lesson that will be taught. You will all need to learn and know how to comfort a child during an attack if the child has been separated from its parents,”

“Only, however,” Shoutas eyebrow raise causes his students to watch as his daughter leaned against his shoulder and glanced outward to the class, “Akari does have a quirk. It is similar to her mother’s, as Mina predicted, Neutron Shields. Meaning if she were to get defensive, you would have to calm the child from harming herself more, or you,”

“So we’re fighting a little brat,” Bakugou mumbles, rolling his eyes so when he looked back up to his teacher, said mans hair had raised and his eyes glowed red,

“Insult my daughter again,” Shouta threatens, instantly dropping his intimidating act when Akaris hand reaches up to pat his face. With a deep sigh, Shouta looks away from his daughter to his students, “No. Youre not fighting her. Simply consult her into comfort so she knows you’re not a threat. Akaris been taught how to control her quirk on demand,”

Lowering the toddler onto the floor, Shouta steps back as soon as his daughter began to tear up, twisting to reach for her father with quiet sniffles.

“Well?” Shouta eyes the students, when Akari hiccups and looks back to the teenagers, “She’s distressed,”

“I got this,” Kirishima is first to push out of his desk, hands out and steps slow as he approached the child, “Hey, Akari, it’s okay,”

Akari is swift to shake her head and twist her upper body away from the red head. On cue, a purple bubble surrounds herself, Bakugous brows pinching as Dekis mouth dropped, hand reaching over to pat Todorokis shoulder in amazement.

The bubble then expands to hit Kirishima and throw him off his feet, landing hard on his back so Akari blinked and giggled, loudly, the bubble then vanishing.

“Me next!” Mina exclaims, Akaris eyes flicking from the red head and to the pink skinned girl, who knelt down next to Kirishima and opened-closed her hands.

Hesitantly, Akami leant forward onto her hands and knees, ready to crawl up to the girl, but instead blinked so a bubble formed around Mina, the bubble suddenly shrinking so Mina shrieked and pressed her hands to the sides in an attempt to stop the shied like bubble from crushing her.

“Akari,” Shouta speaks up, his daughter blinking so the bubble vanished, her eyes shifting to her father before looking back to the class, Mina exhaling in relief and backing away.

“Come on, shit for brains,” Bakugou scoffs, standing to his feet so Akari stared at him, “We’ve trained with Neutron Shield before. The brats no different,”

“Akari is a child,” Todoroki reminds, on his own feet and stepping forward so Akari instantly reached up, the fire and ice powered male pausing to stare at her.

Her whine when he makes no move to pick her up causes him to do so, Shouta smirking as Akari stared at Bakugou and stuck her thumb into her mouth.

“It seems she has a favorite,”

USJ Training Facility

You weren’t sure what happened. As soon as you were in line of view, two of Shoutas students- Uraraka and Ashido- immediately began to panic from where they knelt down next to Thirteens collapsed figure.

“Mrs. Aizawa!” Mina cries, tears in her eyes as her hand rests on Thirteens shoulder, “Thirteen- she took a hit-!”

You are quick to move next to Ochaco, hand opposite of Minas so Thirteens head turned and her eyes weakly looked up at you,

“Thirteen,” You call, softly, “Hey. It’s okay,”

“I tried to protect them,” Thirteen murmurs, and you nod, sliding your arms beneath hers to heave her to her feet, Mina and Ochaco quick to stick their hands out in case she fell,

“You did,” You promise, “You did amazing, Thirteen,” Your eyes flick to the class, “Where’s Iida?”

“Getting help,” Mina heaves, shakily, “What- what’s going to happen to Thirteen?”

“Shes going to be okay,” You reassure, and shift Thirteens arm around your shoulders so she fell slump against your side, “I’m going to make sure of that,” Your eyes shift to your best friend, “Do you hear me, Thirteen? Akari needs her godmother in her life,”

“I’ll always be here for that angel,” Thirteen breathily laughs, watching as you looked over in alarm at the sounds of fighting, “Eraserhead. He stayed behind,”

“He can hold his own,” You murmur, but the doubt in your tone causes Thirteen to grasp the back of your suit,

“Go help him,” Thirteen demands, extending her free hand for Mina to drape at her shoulders, “I’ll be fine,”

You hesitantly peel away from the pro-hero, glancing between her and where the fighting could be heard, before you sprint down the steps, looking up in time to see Noumu, Shigarakis weapon, on top of your collapsed husband.

“Hey!” You call, raising your hands so a bubble surrounded you, expanding in a rush to hit Noumu so he stumbled off his feet, a good distance away from Shoutas figure.

Protect him. Protect him now.

With quick steps, you throw out a hand that forms a bright (Favorite/Color) bubble, which you slide under and next to Shoutas collapsed form so the bubble shielded both you and him.

“I always wondered when I would get to fight the famous Eraserhead and Neutron Shield at once,” Shigaraki speaks, your eyes shifting over your shoulder where he stood at one end of your bubble, while Noumu stood opposite of his leader,

“But defeating them both?” Shigaraki chuckles, “A dream come true,”

The first punch Noumu sends against your bubble creates severe damage to your shield. It cracks beneath his fist, giving the monster the confidence he needs to continue punching and clawing at the barrier,

“Mrs. Aizawa can’t take them both- not on her own,” Midoryia heaves from his spot in the water, where he, Mineta, and Asui hid a good distance from the battle.

“She has shields!” Mineta reminds, shivering in a panic, “She’ll be fine!”

“Ribbit, her bubble can only take a certain amount of damage before it breaks,” Asui states, “And the damage her shields take, her body takes,”

Where’s All Might when you need him?

With a weak breath, you slide your hand beneath Shoutas head, resting it in your lap as your muscles screamed for you to drop your shields.

“Honey,” You call, pleadingly, free hand resting over Shoutas chest- thankful to feel a heartbeat, “Baby, wake up. Please,”

Looking up, you watch as the top of your bubble cracks and shrivels in defeat, Noumu stepping back enough for the shield to drop and leave not only you, but now Shouta, vulnerable.

With a startled gasp, you raise your hand as Noumu then lunged at you, the shield only protecting your face, so the punch Noumu sends forces you feet back, tumbling backwards and onto your front, leaving Shouta out in the open yet again.

Fingernails grabbing at dirt, you moan out in pain, forcing your arms to push you to sit up, raising your head in time for Noumus claws to latch at your shoulders, shoving you onto your back, his weight forcing you to gasp for air at the pressure of him on your chest,

Raising a hand that clawed at his arm, you are quick to throw a shied, the edge slicing Noumus face so he only jerked back then growled down at you.

With wide eyes, you look over to Shoutas form, then up, at a distanced- “I am here!”

Noumus weight lifts as he departs, your lungs expanding as you gasped, coughing as you sit up, slowly moving up to Shoutas form.

“Help me get him up,” You demand, when Tsuyu and Mineta rush next to you, “Please,”

“Mrs. Aizawa- you’re bleeding!” Mineta stammers, your hand raising to your mouth where blood dripped.

Shaking your head, you allow All Might to take your hand and help you stand, “I’m not worried about me. Get him out of here,”

Camp Attack

Why were you struggling so hard to fight a girl with a knife? Maybe it was because you just couldn’t stomach the thought that your students- your husband were still somewhere in these woods, being attacked by someone else.

Your breaths are shallow by the time you pull yourself from your thoughts. With a hand grasping Togas wrist that held the knife, your eyes wildly search behind you, landing on two of your students,

“Asui, Uraraka, go,” You heave, grunting when Toga shoves at your front, “Go, now!”

Uraraka gasps in fear when Togas foot skillfully hooks around your ankle, jerking so you fell on your back with a pained grunt. Toga is quick to pin over top of you, knife held against the skin of your neck.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a pro-hero?” Toga grins, voice high as you narrow your eyes and suck in a deep breath through the nose, “You’ve gotten weak after having that stupid baby of yours,”

“Do not ever mention my child,” You heave, raising a hand so a shield formed, that instantly vanished when Togas knife slid across your neck, startling you to gasp in quick breaths,

“Mrs. Aizawa!” The two students shriek, your eyes pinching shut as you form a small bubble around you, successfully pushing Toga off of you so you could sit up and cough, hand covered in dark red blood.

You look over and form a bubble around Asui and Uraraka, looking back up at Toga when she giggles, dragging the blood covered knife across the bubble,

“You think a small bubble can stop me from getting what I want?” With a quick jab, the knife plunges into the bubble so you flinched and raised a hand to your neck.

Vision blurry, you blink, the bubble shattering so Toga giggled and lunges forward, not before a tongue shoots out and wraps around her, tossing her to the side and into a tree nearby,

“Mrs. Aizawa!” Uraraka quickly moves next to you, eyes wide as she watches you slowly lower back onto the dirt in defeat, “Mrs. Aizawa, stay awake!” Uraraka looks to Asui, alarmed to find Toga gone, “Tsu, go get help!”

“Uraraka, Asui!” The two girls look over, to find a group- consisting of Midoryia, Todoroki, Bakugou, Shoji, and Tokoyami- rushing towards them, “Come on! We’re heading back to the Camp!”

“Our pace will be slower with two injuries,” Todoroki states, eyes flicking to Midoryia on Shojis back, before he moves to help lift you up, your arms around his and Urarakas shoulders, “We need to find Mr. Aizawa, first and foremost,”

“They said we can use our powers to defend ourselves, and now we have two injured, one being a teacher,” Shoji states, “So don’t let anyone stop you,”

Present

“You shouldn’t be moving around so much,”

You hum through a light laugh, lifting your head from where you rocked back and forth on your feet, your daughter curled against you.

“I’m not dying, Shouta. I’ll be fine,” You feel Akaris hand graze across the stitches at your neck, as you turn to face your husband.

“That’s nothing to joke about,” Shouta steps up, sliding his hands under Akaris arms to peel her away from you and against his own shoulder,

“Just thought I’d give a little pay back for the heart attack you gave me during the USJ incident,” You shrug, frowning at Shoutas glare, “Okay. Sorry. But honestly, honey, I’m okay. Recovery Girl said I should be fully healed by next week,”

“Until then you should be resting,” You roll your eyes at Shoutas statement, turning to then pluck a shirt from your pile of laundry to fold,

“Take your own advance, honey. You haven’t slept a full night in three weeks,” You turn, hand at your hip, “Why don’t we call Hizashi and let him take Akari for a day or two? Give us time to rest?”

“If you want another kid, just ask,” Shouta smirks, your lips parting as he moves around you, laying Akari in her own bed in the corner,

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,”

“Do I, though?” Shoutas hands rest at your hips, and you smile, hand at his jaw to pull his lips against yours.

“Seriously, though,” You hum, “Hizashi would love to see his god daughter. I promised Thirteen I’d help her with her own recovery,”

“I swear you love Thirteen more than me,”

“Oh, definitely. No questions asked,”

“Fine, go ask her for another kid,”

“Nah, I like my kids to have your attitude,”

“Oh, sure,”

“Really!”

[shima-draws]

THIS IS SEVERAL DAYS (WEEKS?) LATE BUT I LOVE YOU ALL thanks for enabling me

-The AU begins with a casual city patrol. Izuku, Todoroki, Uraraka and Ojiro are teamed up. Things are seemingly normal until they accidentally bump into Shigaraki and Kurogiri—a completely unplanned encounter. Despite Kurogiri’s warnings, Shigaraki charges into battle against the students. Kurogiri jumps in to back him up by using his warps

-There’s a close call where Izuku’s about to get the jump on Shiggy—but Kurogiri manages to open a warp right before Izuku can reach him. This is where things get...funky.

-Izuku activates One For All as he disappears into the warp. Kurogiri opens a gate somewhere nearby. Todoroki and the others wait for Izuku to reappear...but he doesn’t.

-Todoroki, Uraraka and Ojiro gang up on Kurogiri and demand their friend back. Kurogiri doesn’t know what to do, this has never happened before, and he doesn’t know how to bring Izuku back. Apparently his warp malfunctioned, and Izuku seemed to get lost between dimensions.

-Finally, several minutes later, Izuku reappears. In the ensuing chaos Kurogiri and Shigaraki make their escape. Izuku is weak and shaking from the distorted warp, so Todoroki calls Aizawa and takes him back to campus.

-Izuku explains that it felt like he was falling, and almost like his entire body was trying to rip itself apart molecule by molecule—but then he fell back into the warp and came out on the other side like he was supposed to. Recovery Girl checks on him and just says that he’s in shock, no other injuries besides that. Izuku tries telling her about the strange feeling of pain he had, but she just says it might be a side effect of Kurogiri’s quirk, and that it might be some sort of delayed reaction. Izuku accepts that and things go back to normal

Rest is under the cut because she is looooooong lmao

-Except they don’t. Izuku starts to have strange dreams about somebody calling out to him. They leave him feeling unsettled and shaky in the mornings, almost like how he felt right after the warp. The dreams don’t go away—they keep coming back almost every night, and while they seem to get clearer, he still can’t figure out what they mean.

-Things start to get worse when the dreams transition over into the waking world, and Izuku starts to see flashes of someone with white hair and sad eyes in the corners of his vision. He easily gets distracted during training, and can’t seem to shake the worried feeling he has about this being important. 

-It all comes to a head when Izuku suddenly finds himself in that weird place between dimensions during a training drill. He’s only there for a few seconds, but he’s finally able to catch a glimpse of what that world is like, because the last time he was there he was falling and spiraling and was too panicked to pay attention to his surroundings. After he snaps back to himself, he wonders if it was just in his head, but when it happens again and his friends have to shake him out of it, he realizes that his mind keeps transporting to that world...it seems like his place in reality is faltering.

-The “visions” slowly continue to get longer and longer each time, with Izuku slipping into that world more often. It’s getting harder to hide it from his classmates and teachers, and finally, there’s a time where it happens and Izuku is unresponsive for over 15 minutes. The person with the white hair keeps showing up, and Izuku is desperate to find out who they are

-During another training session, Izuku feels the lapse coming on, and decides to hide away for a bit to let it pass. Except this time he doesn’t just slip into the nether dimension with just his mind—this time his whole body transports there...and he finally figures out the truth.

-Izuku searches through the new world. Everything is distorted and gravity is all topsy turvy, and when he finally catches sight of the person reaching out to him in his dreams, he follows them. At long last he discovers just who has been communicating with him...and it’s himself!!

-The mystery ghost is finally revealed: an older Izuku, from another timeline. He explains to Izuku that the place they’re in now is a world between time and space that acts as a stabilizer and general overseer of other timelines and worlds. He refers to it as the Beyond, or by its more technical name, the nexus. Apparently the other Izuku has been here for a long time, keeping watch over all of his alternate selves and keeping the timelines in balance.

-Izuku questions just why he was brought there, and his alternate self tells him that when he activated One For All in Kurogiri’s warp, it ripped open a hole in space and he was able to make a connection to the Beyond, primarily because of his alternate self’s already existing presence there. That connection is unfortunately unstable so it kept pulling Izuku back in over time. The other Izuku has been trying to fix that connection but wasn’t able to do so without full contact, which is why he’d been reaching out to Izuku in his dreams.

-To make things easier, the other Izuku asks to be called Nexus. Izuku peppers him with questions, but Nexus is reluctant to answer. He decides to send Izuku back while he researches about his connection there to try and fix it—and then he makes Izuku swear that he won’t tell anybody about their interaction, mostly because outsiders shouldn’t be aware of the Beyond’s existence in the first place.

-Izuku arrives back in his world and realizes that several hours have passed since he vanished into the Beyond. His classmates and teachers swarm him when he returns, saying that they were about to send out pros to go find him. Toshinori questions Izuku about what’s been going on with him lately, but due to the promise he made Izuku can’t answer.

-As the days pass, Izuku continuously visits Nexus (mostly because he has no choice in the matter, being dragged there by the distortion lol) and tries to pry more answers out of him. Nexus is shockingly tight lipped and Izuku knows that something bad must have happened in his timeline for him to be here. Being older isn’t the only factor tying into Nexus’ general quiet demeanor and more serious attitude. Meanwhile, Toshinori and the Dekusquad are hurt by Izuku’s silence on what’s going on with him, and Izuku has an internal struggle over what matters more: the promise he made, or the trust of his friends and family. It’s a rough time.

-Izuku breaks down and Nexus realizes that maybe it’s time he starts being more forthcoming—he knows what the burden of secrets does to Izuku, being Izuku himself. Nexus finally reveals that his timeline had been completely wiped from existence centuries ago, due to an epic, climactic battle with AFO who was attempting to figure out how to access the Beyond and gain control over it in order to rule over all possible timelines. Apparently there was a backlash when AFO tried to access the Beyond and it caused the timeline to be erased. Izuku is absolutely horrified by the truth, realizing that billions of people existing in that timeline are just...gone now. Including everyone he loves. 

-Izuku asks if AFO is gone too. Nexus looks haunted by that, but says he’s sure that he’s gone for good...leaving himself as the only proof that his world even existed at all. After Izuku leaves, Nexus decides to do a bit of digging, just to make sure that the AFO from his world truly is dead. And what he finds is not comforting.

-Apparently, after the timeline had been wiped from existence, Nexus wasn’t the only one who was tossed out before it happened. He discovers that AFO is still around, and that he’s been skulking between timelines, gathering new quirks and more power. Terrified, Nexus summons Izuku and tells him of his findings, and says that if AFO were to come after him in the Beyond, or any of them from any timeline, there’s no way they would survive the battle.

-Izuku convinces Nexus to come to his timeline to explain everything, because clearly this is no longer a one man job and something Nexus can’t handle by himself. The issue with that is that the Beyond has a strict no interference policy, at least on the basis of entering the timelines and tampering with them, so Nexus has been stuck there for centuries because he’s literally not allowed to go timeline hopping lol

-However, since Izuku was able to make a connection there and can travel between the two worlds freely (for the most part…) he’s able to utilize that connection to allow Nexus to enter his dimension. Nexus sees the sky for the first time in hundreds of years and is shaken into complete silence.

-The rest of the Dekusquad happen to be there when Izuku arrives with his alternate self and immediately bombard him with questions, but Izuku tells them the first thing they need to do is go see All Might and the other teachers to explain what’s going on.

-Upon seeing All Might again for the first time in centuries, Nexus bursts into tears (and this is a MONUMENTAL moment because Izuku hasn’t seen him cry once since meeting him, even when he told him that everyone he loved no longer exists). There’s a lot of fluffy family bonding and it’s very soft. Toshi holds onto both his boys and cries and I’M EMO LISTEN

-Nexus prepares to tell all the staff what’s going on, but first he reveals to Izuku that he didn’t...exactly tell him everything about what happened to his timeline. A quirk user is brought in who can read memories and project them on a movie screen, and the teachers and Izuku watch in horrified silence as they experience the last night of terror and heartbreak Nexus went through before his timeline was erased forever.

-The memories play back. Izuku is awoken in the middle of the night to find that the entire city is burning. The screams and pleas for help echo all around, and he finds that he can’t get into contact with any of his friends. Racing outside, Izuku looks up to see AFO silhouetted against the red sky, floating among the ashes and smoke. As Izuku hurries to catch up to him, he witnesses the sheer horror of a mass body count and hundreds dead along the way, including lots of minor and pro heroes that he knows.

-Izuku finally reaches AFO and immediately leaps into the fight. He doesn’t stand a chance. AFO has gathered too many quirks, and explains his plan to escape this dimension and gain access to the Beyond in order to spread his control further. Izuku is joined by his friends, but does not get to enjoy their help for long, because each of them are struck down, one by one. Fueled by rage and grief, Izuku ramps up OFA all the way and completely lets loose, chipping away at AFO while he cries over the deaths of his friends. Yeah this is gruesome and dark as shit and I’m not sorry

-AFO is about to get one final attack in—but Bakugou arrives at the last second and takes the blow for him. Bakugou dies in Izuku’s arms and that’s the last straw—OFA goes out of control right as AFO is preparing to open a warp to the Beyond, and the power spark causes a backlash that distorts everything, making the world glitch out.

-When Izuku wakes up, he finds himself in the Beyond with the blood of his friends on his hands. Information starts flooding into his brain about the Beyond and all of the timelines it’s tied to, and Izuku realizes what has happened. His home is gone...his friends, his family, the entire world...all wiped from existence. Now he is the only one left, tasked with taking care of the Beyond and mourning his losses for the rest of eternity.

-Needless to say, everyone watching the memories play are extremely emotional, and Izuku (our Izuku) is overcome with so much grief for his alternate self that they end up in an embrace, sharing a feeling that only they know between each other.

-Nezu and the other teachers agree to help Nexus defeat AFO once and for all. Nexus tells them that bringing in Class 1-A would be smart as well, and that he won’t make the same mistake twice and let them die. They decide to battle it out in the Beyond, it being the safest place to go wild without any risk of casualties or property destruction. And so!! Izuku introduces Nexus to the rest of the class, they all take a trip to the Beyond together, and so begins their grand training arc.

-Nexus preps each member of Class 1-A individually and on teams. They take turns going up against him and all get their asses thoroughly handed to them :) Nexus is hella strong and has had centuries to practice. He teaches them how to use the terrain of the Beyond, how to deal with the gravity and use it to their advantage. He tells them how to look for AFO’s tells and quirks so they can deal with his multipurpose battle style. Overall it’s a very fun yet stressful time with lots of bonding, sleepovers in the Beyond, and everybody getting a huge ass crush on Nexus because 1. He pretty, 2. He stronk, 3. He’s literally an eldritch being at this point, and 4. It’s Izuku. How can they not.

-There’s a time where Nexus takes Izuku to a special corner of the Beyond, and Izuku sees it’s covered for miles and miles and miles with gravestones. Izuku realizes that Nexus had spent years crafting as many as he could for all of the people that were erased from his timeline, even those he didn’t know, and at this point he’s lost count with how many there are. There’s a separated section with all of his family members and friends, and each of the stones are carved with special memorials. The rest of the class shows up and gets to look at their own gravestones and it’s fucked up as shit!! It’s very emotional and then everybody smothers Nexus with hugs and hgnhhhgh 🥺

Obviously there’s a lot that happens after this and the whole battle and everything but like. I don’t have all that planned out yet. But this is the general idea for the most part!! I’ve had a lot of fun brainstorming for this AU, I would do anything for Nexus period, and I’m super excited to start making content for it >:D

THANK YOU FOR READING and thanks for letting me infodump oh my god this is so long

[gentlemancowboy]

My gift for @sundryvillains​ for the @spnvalentines’ gift exchange ♡

Gene gave me so many amazing prompts for potential creations, but I was immediately inspired to write a fic when they mentioned loving time travel. Also, when someone says, “just wreck me. throw my body off a bridge. watch me float downstream,” that is 1000% a challenge I am going to accept.

So here it is, an extremely angsty / hurt with very little comfort time travel fic, in which s5 Cas gets thrown into the future while trying to send Sam and Dean into the past and ends up watching s13 Dean mourn him. Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day. Yes, it’s sad. But what is love without a little heartbreak?

Title inspired by the song of the same name by and Florence + the Machine, the lyrics of which are interspersed throughout.

Heavy in Your Arms 4.8k words Preview below Read on ao3

The ground rushes up to meet Castiel faster than he can brace himself against it. He lands face down in soft earth with a heavy thud. If he had any wind to be knocked out of him, he's sure he'd be fighting to catch his breath. 

He rolls over onto his back—head spinning, body weak—and tries to make sense of the scene spreading up and out around him. A canopy of perennial trees slowly snaps into focus above him. The air is cool and crisp, not what he was expecting for springtime in Kansas. He must have overshot Lawrence by a few miles. 

A sudden gust of wind whips through the trees, ruffling his hair around his face and filling his nose with the smell of pine and ocean salt. 

Okay. Maybe he overshot Kansas by more than a few miles. 

He waits for the ringing in his head to subside and then pushes himself up off the ground, wobbling on legs that feel like stretched out rubber bands. He steadies himself against the closest tree and tries to get his bearings. 

There’s nothing but forest stretching in every direction. If Castiel had to venture a guess, based on the tree he’s leaning on alone (Picea sitchensis, Sitka spruce, he notes), he’d say he was somewhere along the northwestern coast of the United States. Where exactly, though, is quite inconsequential at this point—he’s a long way off from where he needs to be. 

If he’s being honest with himself, he’s rather surprised he’s still topside. It’s one thing to jump into the past solo, but to do so with two full-grown men—and all the while being cut off from the powers of Heaven—he’s lucky he’s landed anywhere at all. 

His own well-being, however, is the least of his worries now. Another quick scan of his surroundings confirms that Castiel is very much alone. There’s no sign of his two companions anywhere. He wonders if Sam and Dean made it to 1978 in one piece. If they did, they’ll likely be trapped there until Castiel can manage to find a way back to them. If they didn’t—well—Castiel has a whole slew of new problems on his hands. 

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath out of habit rather than necessity. 

One problem at a time, he tells himself, and then considers his options. 

His power is drained, so traveling back on his own is not an option. He knows trying to communicate with his fellow angels is a long shot. His connection to Heaven has been verifiably severed since the start of the Apocalypse, and no doubt this little time travel stunt doesn’t exactly put him in God’s good graces.

Still, there’s a chance. 

Eyes still closed, Castiel steels himself and attempts to home in on the familiar buzz of angel chatter that normally pulsates through the atmosphere. Several silent minutes pass before he opens his eyes again, defeated. 

He digs his cell phone out of his coat. Plan B. Dean had given it to him a few months prior, after Castiel had branded Sam and Dean’s ribs with protection sigils. It’s a rather primitive device, especially for an angel, but it’s proven useful in the past. A quick glance at the screen, however, tells him he’ll have no such luck today. The words NO SERVICE stare, mocking, back up at him. 

He sighs, pocketing the phone, and decides his best option at this point is simply to walk. 

Read the rest on ao3.

[yinses]

he reminds your ex who you belong to

gojo satoru ft. f! reader + exhibition ( technically phone sex ¿) + some hair pulling + unprotected sex  wc: 2.3k

a/n: trying to get better with my tagging. i realize the community has it’s own sensitivities and i often fall short on that thought. i still owe some prompts and a few other asks but this has been siting in my drafts for a few weeks and i finally finished it up. 

it never fails to come as an interruption in your life, the shrill call of your phone blaring at inopportune times. each one conveniently impeding on time with gojo.  

your boyfriend of four months would give you that tight smile, blue eyes swimming with annoyance, but never concern. because not once did you pick up the call, always reaching out blindly to silence it without even acknowledging the accompanying messages. 

the number changes, but you learned not to accept any call from one you didn’t recognize. important communications were typically followed by voicemail and that was how you dealt with that. but the duration was becoming more tedious than either of you imagined, reaching above the white noise decibel it had been reduced to. 

“maybe i should just change my number, “ you suggest forlornly. it would ensure that he had no way to contact you freely, but it would also force you to reestablish connections with all your friends and family. it seemed like an extreme measure but when push came to shove. 

only a few moments pass before the phone picks up again, hammering down the final nail in your resolve. 

“i think you should answer.”

gojo’s unexpected intervention comes from the edge of the bed where he flips the said phone carefully from one palm to the next. his fingers brush past the two blinking options just short of selecting. 

you shift from foot to foot, not sure how to accept that response. gojo was as irritated as you were but you didn’t expect him to cave first. 

frowning, you shake your head. “i’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“why not?” his gaze sweeps over your face, somewhat amused by your discomfort. there is a swirl of mischief alight in those bright blue eyes.  “apparently he needs a little more than a simple no.”

he holds out the device, voice taunting but firm.

“if you don’t answer you’ll miss the call.”

as if there wouldn't be a dozen more to follow. 

your mouth feels dry, hand heavy with the weight of decision. it wasn’t as though you couldn't deal with the situation, so much as if you were prepared to. ignoring had been the more appealing option over confrontation but perhaps it had been your hesitation that had been the problem all along. ultimately your thumb taps to accept the call. 

“hello?”

‘baby, i’ve been trying to reach you for ages.’

the bed creaks but you’re too focused breathing evenly to notice. you weren’t familiar with the etiquette of many break ups, which was why this one was the hardest. it had been a long love that had followed you into the early years of adulthood before spark began to fizzle out. 

“i just answered to tell you to stop calling. i’ve already blocked your number once.”

the attempt to revive the romance before it all fell apart had been one-sided. he’d been quicker to discover other fish in the sea before you had. it seemed as though in your patience, you’d found something better while he spent his time chasing minnows without satisfaction. 

‘yes, but you didn’t give me the chance to explain. we don’t have to be over.’

you should have seen it coming. 

your shoulders tense at the press of his lips at your neck. gojo had a propensity for creating opportunities out of every little divot in life. he lived the role of a jester but held the mind of a genius. gojo had been kind in biting his lip to bare down on the jealousy simmering down beneath.

he gives you a brief grace period as his slender fingers tap the mute button then his lips return to your ear. “if you want this, get onto the bed and place the phone above your head with the speaker on.”

an immediate protest flies to your lips but doesn’t quite make it to fruition. what he’s suggestion goes beyond sexual barriers you’d set up thus far. gojo had a knack for pushing them and helping you discover new fantasies and hidden pleasures. 

at the first hint of a pout against your throat, you cave. 

so weak for him.

your ex seems none the wiser to the hitch in your voice as you press one knee to the bed, then the other before carefully rolling onto your back. swallowing the waning confidence before it leaks from your body, you seal the deal by placing the phone just above your head after activating the speaker. 

“good girl.” the words come whispered for your benefit as gojo crawls onto the bed. as if his intentions weren’t already clear enough, the prominent hardness in his pants as he slots between your legs is. you can’t help but grow dizzy at the thought of your premeditated actions, all while your thighs tighten around his form. 

his hands warm the shivers from your sides as he slides up your shirt and kisses down your navel. gojo delivers a sharp nip just before muttering a brisk,” unmute.” in reminder. 

the command comes just in time for your expected response though you’re no more prepared to deliver when gojo unbuttons your pants and works them over your hips. 

‘maybe if we could just meet somewhere?’

the sincerity coupled with your actions makes it all feel more one-sided with you playing the role of the villain. he’d been an ass, yes, but surely he didn’t deserve this. 

right?

“it doesn’t matter, were-mmph.” no part of you expected gojo to play this fairly. you choke on the response when his tongue licks a firm swipe against the fabric of your panties. 

‘what does not matter? speak to me. lets talk this out.”

funny how he chose now of all times to acknowledge the issues you had and attempted to resolve in the past. 

gojo words feel condescending as he mimics what’s heard against your cunt. there was no doubt in your mind that he’d completely written off your ex from the beginning. the same confidence from your first date dripped from his touch as he worked down the fabric from your hips. 

not once did he promise to watch his volume as he sloppily wets his fingers. he’s is ruthless as he plunged in two in on the first thrust, palm curling up to rub friction against your clit. any other time you would have revealed in his ability to make you come apart so easily, now you were more embarrassed by how much easier you felt. 

‘is this a bad time? you seem distracted.’

every time was a bad time. that was the point. 

gojo’s tongue wet the inside of your thigh, “don’t let him hang up. you want this to be his last call, remember.”

at this rate he was going to make this your last waking moment. 

somewhere between a squeak and a whimper, you managed to form words against the friction of gojo’s touch sliding in and out. “no, let’s just-i- yeah, no, we should talk it out now. i’m tired of going back and forth.”

the line pauses briefly. and you almost hope for a second he reaches clarity and saves you from the embarrassment. ‘alright then. are you really not willing to give it another shot?’

your groan of arousal is disguised by disappointment but the opposite warms gojo’s breath against your damp skin. “i didn’t realize you were dating such an idiot. how can he be so dense.” his lips smack, shiny with your stimulation.” you must just really have a thing for pretty faces, willing to look past so much.”

you were willing to look past his deviousness right now, ready to let him desecrate you over the phone like this.

“you’re pretty, toru.” you try to jab but are countered with the addition of a third finger as he starts a relently pace. the sounds are so dirty, reckless suckling sounds that had to carry. gojo made sure of it as he twisted his wrist in retaliation over every shift of your hips. 

“i am much prettier than they guy. much better at a lot,” he enunciates sharp smack to your thigh. 

then he curls just right and you turn for face into the phone and keen.

‘seriously what is going on you sound- strained.’

gojo’s chuckle vibrates within you. “poor guys don't even know what you sound like on the verge of an orgasm.”

your voice is impossibly hoarse and not very convincing as you choke out,” i’m fine. n-no look … i only answered because i wanted us to-fuck-no sorry.” gojo wasn’t making this easy. “- wanted us to reach some closure and move on.”

gojo pulls out just short of your building orgasm and you gasp breathy at the loss. 

‘we were together for two years. surely that amounts to more than just moving on.’

it did. way back when the unexpected break up had torn your hearts to shreds. the misunderstanding and lost connections had eaten you out from the inside. left you failing in the unknowns of what you did wrong and why he wanted to slow down your progress.

now it all seems insignificant in comparison the sight of your current boyfriend slowly fisting his cock. 

‘you wanted to use the break to decide if you were ready for a future together and i think we both realized that we weren't-”

gojo had chosen the right moment to intervene in your life and the moment at the head of his cock pushes through the first ring. he follows through in one motion, filling you to hilt as his hand reaches up to fist the short of your hair. 

‘baby, no one knows you like i do.’

the sharp sting of his fist clenching as he hips rock back is the last warning you get before he slams back in. there was more to the familiar precision as he ruts into you. gojo was the better man, but even he felt short to the green-eyed-monster. 

he was relentless with his pace, fucking into you harder with each new whimper you give up. your consciousness is a fleeting cloud, wafting high out of your reach as your mouth opens up to sharp cries. 

‘are you working out right now? your words sound broken.’

gojo’s hand presses into the curve of your back as he leaves over you. “fuck, you should just tell him. get this over with. let him know that you belong to someone else now. someone who is currently fucking you better than he ever could.”

your protests mirror your resolve and you can already feel your lips forming those exact words before you catch yourself. “i-i cant.” that was too much, right?

gojo didn’t seem to think so. he suddenly pulled out just enough to turn you over, hand still holding your hair hostage as he pushed your face into the mattress effectively ruining your ability to speak properly. 

“tell him, or i will. and i’ll add in every dirty little thing we’ve done leading up to this moment. you don’t belong to him anymore and he should know it. properly.”

‘hey, should i just come over?’ comes that voice again, a constant glutton for punishment.

“no!” you cry out. “i-we can’t- i’m.”

gojo decides to help you out. no longer willing to be a spectator as if he could be called such. “fuck, baby. make those pretty noises for me.”

‘is that someone else? are you with someone right now.’

gojo snatches up the opportunity, hand curling around the phone to place it against the tacky sweat accumulating against the skin between your shoulder blades. you can feel it teetering with each jerk of your body. 

“yeah, she is. apparently she needs help getting her point across. if she wants to contact you  she will do so on her terms. “ he huffs peevishly,“ until then fuck off or you can listen to me fuck her doesn’t matter to me.”

his commanding tone shouldn’t sound so hot. you can’t help but moan as he hits that spot just right. 

a high pitched ‘what the fuck’ grates unpleasantly against the mood you’re so desperate to build to its peak. 

“i take it back, hearing you screech is going to make me go soft. don’t call again.”

‘wait don’t-’ his protest comes a moment too late for gojo’s waning patient as he abruptly cuts off the call and flings the phone somewhere above your head. 

“I imagined that going much smoother in my head,” grunts as he picks up the pace.

your mouth falls open but nothing comes out. you’re unable to blink past the flood of light as you melt into the roll of his hips. there is nothing left for you to do but squeeze around him as you absorb each thrust. 

“i don’t know what i was expecting thinking you could form coherent sentences when i fuck you stupid like this.” his voice is markedly softer now, still agitated but gentler in his touch as he loosens his grip. your head turns without instruction, eagerly catching his mouth in a sloppy kiss. 

the tell tale tremble shudders from one end to the next as you dig your knees into the mattress and gyrate your hips. the angle rewards you with an opportunity to ride his cock straight into nirvana. gojo comes to shatter the already broken cry of release by manipulating speed and precision while you chant his name all the way over the edge. 

his breath comes in short rasps as he follows you over, body drawn up taut as his orgasm washes over.  

gojo’s weight is unforgiving, but thankfully brief when he collapses on top of you before rolling onto his side. he gathers you into his arms and rolls you in against his chest. his fingers chase yours and he brings them to his lips to kiss each one. 

“maybe you should have just gone with your idea and changed numbers.”

somehow you find the air to laugh as your head falls back against his sweaty shoulder. he shares your humor, smile sharp with a new prospect.

“or perhaps we can try again? maybe repeated exposure will do the trick.”

[hollandsmushroom]

Lost In My Brain

Hello everyone, so this concept came from the very very depths of my brain as I went into a deep dissociative episode and I wrote this to pull myself out by imagining semi mob tom comforting me. 

REBLOGS AND COMMENTS MUCHLY APPRECIATED 

Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: You aren’t replying to Tom’s texts so he is really worried, he finds you in a state of trauma and unable to really communicate. 

Warnings: Please read this at your own comfort, I wrote this to help me cope and I thought someone else might want to read it. I have written about extremely personal topics in this and I am not talking about stuff that I don’t know anything about, I suffer from dissociative PTSD. So warnings really include mentions of an unidentified trauma, Dissociation, Dissociative PTSD, Loss of recognition of faces, mentions of Mob Tom, missing person?, Trauma that happened at night, intrusive thoughts, thoughts that you are actually dead. 

Masterlist

Request Here

Word Count: 1577

Tom’s meetings had run late, he had messaged you throughout the discussions to keep you updated and so you wouldn’t worry but it was him who worried as his phone remained void of any response from you. He began to grow antsy as the conversations just dragged on. He gave his input whenever he had to but most of his time was spent trying his hardest to seem as if he was paying attention and then checking his phone to see if you had responded, and every time his phone screen was blank. His worry was beginning to overtake his body, he worked in a dangerous profession and people knew that the best way to get to him was through loved ones, you being the main one. The thought of something bad having happened to you made his heart break, the thought of someone hurting you added to that made his blood boil. It wasn’t like he was overreacting, you were always very attentive to responding to him when he was in meetings, you knew that under his hard mobster outside he worried about you a great deal and if you could do anything to ease that, you would, and that is why he was freaking out to this extent. As soon as the meeting came to a close he left immediately, ignoring the people who tried to catch his attention on his way out, focused only on getting home to you. 

  Tom walked into the house, calling out your name and receiving no response in turn his heart beginning to pound as the silence reverberated in his ears. With an urgency he began making his way through the rooms of your shared house. He started in your bedroom, eyes landing on the perfectly made bed, signalling to him that you never went to bed, he made his way through the guest rooms, your office, the living room, by the time he reached the kitchen he was on the verge of tears. Hands grabbing on to the counter as he faced the empty living room, retrieving his phone from his slacks pocket and quickly dialing up his mate Harrison. 

“Mate?” Tom asked as he heard the phone be answered on the other end of the line. 

“Yeah?” His friends tired voice answered, clearly having been woken up by Tom’s call

“I can’t find Y/n, I don’t know where she is” At this point Tom felt like he was on the verge of breaking down, the idea that something had happened to you and he wasn’t there to protect you made him see red.

“Wait? You can’t find her?” there was a rustle from the other line, Harrison having sat straight up in bed, shock over taking him. 

“Yeah, mate and I am kind of starting to freak-” Tom spun around, leaning his back against the cool marble countertop when his eyes caught on the open sliding glass door leading to your backyard, a dark figure sitting on the cement ground rocking slightly. 

“Mate, I'm gonna have to call you back” he ignored his friend's words of worry as he hung up, placing the glowing screen face down on the counter and making his way outside. As soon as he passed the threshold of the door sniffles reached his ears. The weather wasn’t freezing but it definitely wasn’t warm enough for you to be sitting there in nothing but one of Tom’s shirts, bare thighs on the cool ground. 

“Love?” Tom called as he made his way to your quivering figure, shoulders throwing themselves back and forth as you attempted to rock yourself in comfort. He reached a hand out to your shoulder, but you flinched away from his touch causing his heart to shatter. With the jerk of your movement his eyes caught your face, tears staining your cheeks. 

“Love it's me” Tom assured, once again reaching his hand out to you, and this time you let him, his hand soothing over your shoulder causing it to cease its shaking as you eased into his touch. He did this gradually, progressively enveloping you further into his hold, a protective embrace, your face tucked into his chest as his hand rubbed up and down your back, trying to warm your body as you began to shiver from the night air. 

“Let's get you inside, darling” Tom’s soothing touch helping you off the ground. He grabbed your hand, gently moving you into the house, and led you to the bathroom. His hands grabbed your hips, placing you onto the bathroom counter, you sat there, eyes trained on the wall ahead as Tom dampened a washcloth, moving back to you to wipe the snot and tears off of your cheeks, he stood in your view for the first time, his hands reaching towards you as you examined his face, causing you quickly push him away, hurt flashing across his unknown feature as you distanced yourself from him, scooting back on the counter curling further into your own body. 

“Y/n?” His voice sounded defeated, reaching out again only for you to have the same reaction. His voice, you knew his voice, and his face didn’t seem completely unknown, something about him was familiar. It was so close to the face you loved so much but your eyes were distorting his features.

“I...I don’t know who you are?” He could have sworn he broke when you said that. 

“Baby, it’s me, it’s Tom” he cooed, trying to understand what was happening, fear bruning through his chest and all the way down to his gut, feeling as if his world was slipping from under his feet. 

“No, I-I know it’s you but..but I look at your face I don’t recognize it, it’s off, it’s not quite right and I don’t know who you are, you look like I stared at you for too long and you lost all feature, Tommy, I don’t know who you are and I don’t know who I am” your tears began to flow again as you looked in the mirror, your face was just a little bit off till it wasn’t your face anymore. You closed your eyes and shook your head violently causing Tom to gasp, reaching out and grabbing your shoulders to halt your movements. 

“Stop, baby, please stop, it’s me, it’s Tommy, I’m right here” his voice soothed you, peeling your eyes back open, you saw his face, it was right, it was your Tommy. 

“Tom?” His name but a question on your tongue as he cupped your cheek. 

“Yes it’s me,” the pad of his thumb brushed away tear streaks. “What’s happening, sweets, talk to me please” he pleaded, eyes begging you to let him know what was happening. 

“I’m dead Tommy” you explained but it only made it worse, yes widening comically as fear shot through his body. 

“W-what do you mean you’re dead?” His mind was racing, had someone put a hit on you? Did you need to go into hiding? He felt like he was falling into every possible issue that you could be having but he was cut off by your voice again. 

“I was thinking earlier and what if I died that night? What if I didn’t get out of the way? This is the after life” you mumbled, fully convinced that you had lost your mind. 

“You are not dead” Tom demanded 

“How do you know that” you whispered 

“Because I’m here, dusting with you, I can touch you and trace every mark in your body, I have my own life, I would have that if you were dead, and if you were why would it just be a continuation of your day to day, why are you freaking out if this is heaven” he tried to explain and something must have worked because your body eased, eyes drawing from your hands to his face. 

“This is real?” your voice sounded weak, so lost in your mind as your eyes seemed to glaze over. 

“Yes,  love this is real” he hummed, finally being able to wipe the tears from your face, his touch drawing you back from the farthest depths of your brain that you kept spiraling into “Now let’s get you to bed” Reaching past you he grabbed your toothbrush and toothpaste, preparing it for you to brush your teeth. You took your toothbrush from his hand as he leaned in and kissed your forehead lovingly, a tear slipping from his eye as he took in your defeated state, brushing it away before you could see and brushing his teeth as well. 

Moments later you fell into your bed, Tom’s arms wrapped securely around you as your back curved into his chest, you shook your head as you closed your eyes seeing everything you wished you could forget. 

“Tommy, I feel so lost in my brain, its like its yelling and every new thought just adds to the noise, continuing to bounce around with everyone else” You whispered as you shuttered. 

“I know it's not okay, my love, but I am here and I will be here, I will help you come back” he kissed your temple and held you as you fell asleep. He vowed to himself that he would be there for you, he would never let you go, give you a life that distanced yourself from that pain that haunted you. He would remind you everyday that you are alive. 

[red-doll-face]

Here is a request for slashers if they're open. My brain does a thing where I am affectionate w a person but if I get nudged away (even if it's just to readjust the position), it goes "oh no. They don't want u to touch them. Do not touch ever again or they will get mad at u. U disgust them." Even tho touch is my love language & it hurts, I just won't touch. If confronted, I will get confused & panicky cuz "u didn't want me to touch? Im respecting ur wishes? Did I miss something?" Its a mess.

Requests are indeed open, I’m sorry I take foreverrr to do these but i hope u enjoy! I don’t know what to call this tho. For simplicity’s sake I’m calling this nervous reader lmao, idk what else to call these.

Slashers x gn nervous Reader

Jason Voorhees:

Jason can very much relate to the feeling. When he first meets you, he’s sure that you’re frightened. He restrains from being too close to avoid coming off as overbearing, doesn't want to touch you because if you flinch he’ll be so hurt. He just assumes he disgusts you. Based on the reaction all of his other victims have when they see him, he’s sure you’ll probably be the same.

Once Jason is sure that you don't feel that way, he’s a cuddle monster. He wants to be close all of the time, holding hands, letting you sit in his lap, you name it. He’s so starved and quickly decides that touch is his love language too. He’s not even sure how he’s lived this long without it.

The only time I can see Jason maybe gently sort of setting you down elsewhere and walking off is when he senses strangers on the property of what once was Crystal Lake. He’s out the door before he can even see your hurt expression, Which is worse because this might lead you to jump to conclusions.

If you distance yourself from Jason, he immediately is thrown off. He can’t directly ask you if he’s done something wrong and when he tries to initiate affection with you and you don’t reciprocate whole heartedly, he’s at a loss.

He’ll get on one knee while you sulk on the couch and give you a silent plea to tell him what's wrong. You can panic and try and avoid it but he is certain there's something going on and he wants so badly to know what he’s done to put you off. You tell him and he immediately is shaking his head no, he could never be mad at you, never be disgusted with you. You’re the most breathtaking person he’s ever had the pleasure of holding, the first, most likely.

Jason nods because he understands how you feel. In the future, he’s persistent about how you feel when he untangles himself from you, making sure you’re ok.

Michael Myers:

In the later stages of your relationship, Michael is insatiable when it comes to being in contact with you. For a long time, towards the start of your relationship, he didn’t like it. It felt weird. All of the touch he's experienced prior was so clinical and sterile that he doesn’t quite know how good touch is supposed to feel. He’s so touch starved that he’s almost positive he doesn't even need it.

Slowly, he builds a tolerance for it, much like one does with alcohol, constantly checking his boundaries and letting him control the situation and he’s all for movie night, huddled up on the couch, or waking up with his head on your chest. His own personal pillow.

There are, however, moments when his need to make someone tremble with fear and then blodgeon them to death with a can opener from their own kitchen becomes too strong, so he tries to keep away from you. In the past, he might have used you to satisfy similar desires of a sexual nature and may have really hurt you but he knows that it’s not always enjoyable to you.

Then, you stop touching him. Much like Jason, he starts to think you’ve become sick of him. Sick of his coldness, his muteness, his withdrawn demeanor. Maybe you’ve moved on and he tries to tell himself he doesn’t care but he doesn't think he can see himself touching anyone but you now.

It gets to the point where he comes home one day and you look heavily troubled, expressions he’s seen on your face before, only in the event that something terrible has happened. You ask to speak to him and he obliges.

You explain that you don’t think this relationship is working, that you’re pretty sure he’s disgusted with you and how difficult this event is because you didn't even want to talk about it but it's been hurting you for too long.

His response is to stand up very slowly, pick you up and lay down with you over him, simply laying there. Hopefully, knowing you’re the one person he would ever allow to participate in this intimacy is enough to show you that you mean more than you think you do to him.

RZ Michael Myers:

This Michael is more perceptive to your touch than his counterpart, your touch sends little shivers down his spine and as soon as he gets pretty used to it, he’s eager for more. This also takes some time but significantly less. He’s enamored with the idea of returning to a somewhat normal life. Your affection grounds him in that fantasy as much as being a murderer might take him out of it.

As he establishes a relationship with you, he may even be the one to start touching you instead of the other way around. He’s read books and always wondered what it might feel like to have someone genuinely touch him without fear in their eyes. Without malice.

An unsuccessful ‘day at work’ might have Michael feeling a little het up though. He can be moody and more rageful. Neither you nor his hobbies can calm him. He seems colder than usual in these states and can come off as very standoffish.

So when you try and touch him and he shrugs your hand off his shoulder, he can’t or isn't in the state of mind to address your frown and worried look. Michael, instead stomps off somewhere to be alone for a while; maybe take his anger out on something else. Some unsuspecting soul or maybe even a poor animal in the wrong place at the wrong time.

After he’s calmed down some, he returns and almost forgot about that sad little gleam in your eye before he left. Michael remembers when he sees you blankly staring at the TV, pointedly avoiding his gaze even as you utter a weak welcome home. It’s not very welcoming. He sits stiffly beside you, watching you from the corner of his eye. You’re closed off from him and he doesn't like it at all.

Migrating towards you slowly, he eases you into a familiar hug, his big bear hugs that are a little tight but inviting all the same. His huge torso and long arms seem to swallow you in his warmth. You hardly reciprocate. You look a little surprised. Though he never addresses it verbally, (which is probably better for you) Michael offers a single glance that communicates everything he needs to say. Don't ever think that again.

Thomas B. Hewitt:

Thomas’ self esteem issues and self image are not good. He honestly doesn’t like to imagine what he looks like to other people unless it can be as a threatening man you don’t fuck with. Meeting you, he realizes that it’s good to protect his family but he’d rather you not see him as someone only capable of harm. Tries his best to get the point across that while Hoyt may be adamant that horrible things happen to you, he’s not going to let them.

Thomas has received affection but always a familial affection. A pat on the back from Monty, proud claps to his shoulders from uncle Charlie, and hugs and kisses from his dear Mother. Nothing so foreign as a strangers touch over his arm or a soft embrace.

Unfortunately, Thomas can get reactive when you attempt to touch him without his mask on. He’s absolutely settled on the false reality that you’ll see his face and immediately decide that you never want to touch him again. Interacting with you with his bare face? That's a no for Thomas.

He puts on his mask that covers the scarred skin over his face and you look dejected. He was preparing for you to pressure him but instead finds himself trying to find out why you won’t touch him now. It’s not his face, is it? You respond with your reasoning. Thomas is so confused. How could you think that you disgust him? That he doesn’t want you to touch him?

He’s quicker than the others and immediately sweeps you up into his arms and holds you as close as humanly possible. Feeling disgusting and like some sort of burden is a feeling he’s so familiar with and if he can take it away from you, he will.

Will aggressively initiate touch with you for the next week or so just to solidify the fact that he cares about you and won't reject you just as you didn’t reject him.

Bubba Sawyer:

Bubba is a great cuddle buddy and partner. Hugs are his favorite and he hugs his brother all the time, lifting both Nubbins and Chop Top into the air for some brotherly love. If you’re smaller than them he’s all about picking you up and perhaps a little rough housing with you. He’s careful though or at least there are attempts made to be careful

Bubba, though he could easily spend the whole day doing nothing and everything with you, has work. Chores, butchering. Cooking, and tending livestock. Plenty to do at the sawyer house and he does most of it. Suffice to say there are times when you want to lather attention all over him yet he has to go back to work.

So caught up in work that he doesn't get what's going on til way later, when you’ve had time to stew in your emotions, firmly telling yourself that Bubba is annoyed by you probably. He’s baffled and confused at your silence, your crossed arms. The little furrow in your brow. He can already tell there’s something upsetting you.

Honestly, Bubba is so affectionate I can’t see him being the kind of person even capable of alluding to the fact he might be disgusted by you. How, if all he wants to do is love you? You may bring it up as a joke that you thought he didn’t like you and he almost seems offended. Not like you?

Bubba can squash any feelings you may have about that and then some. He will not let you drown in insecurities, not on his watch. This man will do everything in his power to make you feel beautiful because you really are.

I’m sorry these are super long but thanks for requesting!