#whew this got long lol

[artsyjesseblue]

Slowly Going Mad - Part III - Lotor

This is the third installment of my meta series discussing three essential characters of Voltron:Legendary Defender (Zarkon, Honerva and Lotor) and their gradual mental state transitions throughout the show. After writing the first two parts, I’ve debated whether to publish Lotor’s segment or not, due to the emotional triggers this analysis might raise. I decided to go ahead and post it, because I’d love to create a coherent, complete set of essays, but…

We will descend into some sensitive issues (trauma, mental illness) regarding a controversial character, so if you would prefer to steer clear of it, please do so, for your own peace of mind. I know it has been almost five years since the show ended and many of us prefer to leave certain subjects behind. So, if you consider best to scroll past, do so. Hopefully, the warning tags will also provide a firewall around it.

Alright, if you clicked past the stop sign, hop along! And thank you for reading!

The purpose of this analysis is to demonstrate that Lotor’s trajectory towards Season 6 follows a mental illness arc, slowly built up, although the reveal of his backstory arrives to us pretty much… backwards. I will enter into subjects such as developmental psychology, coping mechanisms, transactional analysis (TA) and what it means to reach the dam breaking moment.

His sudden, shocking descent into madness in S6 is achieved through subtle context throughout S3-S6. Couple that context with the backstory dropped in S8 and a larger picture will form. This analysis intends to get granular at times, because the psychology of his path lies in the sum of many details.

Here are a few highlights that define a madness arc:

the originating point of the mental affliction: it can be a defeat, a failure, a loss, grief, a dark influence.

recurrent traumas and/or abuse throughout the character’s life, slowly building up.

the traumas and losses of the past haunt the character.

deterioration of connections with family, friends, community, and finally self. Broken connections lead to paranoia and isolation, which feed the vicious cycle.

as the story progresses, the character’s arc reaches a boiling point.

at this critical point, the individual faces a moment of agency and in a tragic mental breakdown, chooses madness. Whatever breaks the dam is a world-shattering event: extreme grief, total loss of loved ones, closest allies and friends, the breach of trust towards the world, or a combination of these. The character will try to fix the world and/or revenge against the ones who did this.

I’ll approach Lotor’s story the same way I did with the other two: chronologically, which means I’ll jump back and forth among episodes, because Lotor’s backstory is also scrambled across the seasons.

Similar mention as with Honerva and Zarkon’s metas:

1) The distinction between the entity and quintessence. The entity is a creature capable of magical stuff, whereas quintessence is a substance (highest known potency in the universe).

2) Shiro’s statement: “Zarkon fell prey to his own evil instincts. The quintessence field didn’t create them, it revealed them.” - it basically casts the responsibility on the character, not on external factors.

BIRTH AND CHILDHOOD

We’ll begin with the days of Honerva’s pregnancy. I already analyzed these parts in Honerva’s meta, so I’ll summarize. Pregnant Honerva shows distorted cheek marks and visible changing of her appearance: gray, unkempt hair, aged countenance, sagging shoulders. Parallel that to Kova, whose appearance changed after the rift entities attacked, and we deduce that Honerva’s metamorphosis might be due to the same kind of illness.

When Honerva falls ill and starts having what seem to be withdrawal symptoms, she demands to go into the rift to get quintessence, because “we must have it” / [we must] “get back into the rift”. The deduction I made was that the entity was actually the one speaking, because - other than the entity - nobody had ever been into the rift before, so “going back” into the rift is something that only the entity could have asked for. Logically, that means Honerva was possessed/infected with the entity.

—————————————————

And this turns our attention to… baby Lotor:

S8E2 “Shadows”: “Sire, the birth was difficult, but successful. Your son is healthy and in good shape, though we seem to be getting some strange readings coming from him directly. Similar to those that, well… Similar to those of the empress and… yourself.”

And voila, I think that makes quite a strong argument that Lotor was born with the entity, which gives him a unique position among other characters. In the same scene, the doctor talks about Honerva’s state: “She only seems to become aware when we administer her quintessence. I’m hopeful her condition will improve with time, but… Sire, we’re gonna have to face the fact that our quintessence supplies are finite. The empire cannot continue to run on what we have. And you, and the Empress, without it… you’ll—”

I’m circling back to Kova, which was also revived only after administering him quintessence, and now it’s clear that these “space vampires” cannot survive without the Q life juice.

Which leads me to an interesting question: did Lotor also need quintessence to survive? The answer seems to lead to a no. For the extended period of time when he stayed in Allura’s castle, either as a prisoner or working together with the Paladins, he did not show any signs of… quintessence withdrawal. As the EPs described him, quintessence is part of his DNA. Without divulging anything about the entity, since this interview took place right after S5, here’s their description (Source: AfterBuzz TV S5 interview - link in comments, since external links here seem to affect the visibility of the post):

JDS: It’s pretty safe to say that Lotor’s got that Daywalker kind of thing going on.

Interviewer: Little Vampire.

LM: Being in…in her womb, as [Honerva] was being exposed to all of this quintessence - it’s part of his DNA. It almost puts him on a level with Allura, pretty much how her quintessence is a part of her DNA. So it’s interesting to see.

Armed with this information, let’s move through the buildup of events that show us Lotor’s backstory, before we see him for the first time in Season 3.

In S8E2, which I’ll quote for a while, because it holds the bulk of Lotor’s early years, we first see baby Lotor right after his birth, rejected by Honerva. Similarly, Zarkon’s paternal instincts are almost abolished. He abruptly orders the doctor: “Take him away.”

The complete lack of empathy for the little nugget gives us just a hint into what this child will go through as he grows up.

——————————————

The next time we meet him, he’s an adorable, tiny school boy, whose stature is below Galra lineage expectations, but as a counterbalance, Dayak points out his remarkable skills and intelligence: he completed the Agotian trials successfully, even though they were advanced for his age. Also, his tactical scores are they highest they’ve ever measured. (Tactical scores, hehe. We know he’s going to become a good tactician later in life; it’s his natural inclination, clearly.)

As Dayak proudly finishes the short account of her pupil, little Lotor speaks up: “All I do, I do in the name of Galra.” I found this little statement quite significant, especially in the context of his education. It comes to show how deep the Galra values are ingrained in his character. It is his pledge of allegiance, something that he must have repeated over and over along his school years. Repetitio est mater studiorum.

It’s absolutely heartbreaking to see the innocent boy with big, amethyst eyes and a burning desire to connect to his family be coldly dismissed by his own father - an expressionless, emotionless parent who wants to remove his “impurities”, simply because the little boy desires to know more about his mixed race genealogy and he dares to “speak out of his place”. The dynamic between father and son is revelatory not only for the brutality with which the little boy is treated by his own family, but, in contrast, we also get to see the enthusiasm and positive energy exuding from little Lotor, who, despite his father’s lack of empathy and mercy, still holds hope that he can somehow reason with him.

Dayak’s last reply to Zarkon feels painful on many levels: “He will be punished accordingly. We will sear him down to his inner fire so that he may burn the universe.” Whether she wants it or not, Dayak’s crop must inflict pain, lest she loses her job and probably her life.

Let’s shortly bring into focus the apparently hilarious moments between Dayak and Hunk.

The training is about pain, and what pain teaches an individual. “For the mind to learn, the body must be broken.” Palen-bol, meaning “the enlightening pain”, is the Galran way of learning. “The Galra believe combat is the searing light that burns imperfections of every level, from personal to societal.”

Now, imagine Lotor going through the “enlightening pain”, day by day, year after year, palen-bol after palen-bol. My smile upon seeing Hunk’s comedy soon fades away into a desolate expression. What Hunk basically learns is to contort himself into various unnatural poses, to avoid the painful whips of Dayak. When he finally gets it, she congratulates him: “very good”. In order to avoid the searing pain, he must find creative solutions out, solutions that are not always straight paths. Like a tree that grows distorted shapes in a hostile environment, so does one who lives in constant fear and pain.

TEEN LOTOR

The next significant moment in Lotor’s evolution is somewhere during his early teenage years.

Pay attention to certain verbal repetitions, as Lotor borrows from his father’s language. Also, the Kova scene leads to some interesting conclusions. I’m quoting the entire scene, for better understanding.

Officer: “Sire, your audience is requested in the Kandar wing.”

Lotor: “Father, may I accompany you?”

Zarkon: “You will stay here.”

Lotor: “But I want to join you. I have learned much of our—”

Zarkon: “You are an insolent boy. You may be the prince, but I am your emperor.”

Lotor silently yields, saluting solemnly, but casting a contemptuous look in his wake. After Zarkon has cleared the room, Lotor refocuses on Kova and instantly cheers up. As the boy is leaning over to pet the cat, Haggar suddenly speaks:

“Do not touch him. He will hurt you.”

With a sneer, the boy ignores her. After petting the cat, he asks: “What is his name?”

Haggar: “He has no name.”

Lotor: “Then I shall name it. Your name will be…”

Haggar: “Kova. His name is Kova.”

Lotor, giggling, watching Kova climb over his shoulders: “This creature pleases me. It will be mine.”

Haggar, attempting to protest: “My lord…”

Lotor: “You may be the high priestess, but I am your prince, and you will do as I say. Isn’t that right, Kova?”

Haggar acquiesces: “Yes, my lord.”

So, although years have passed since the scene with Dayak, Lotor is still speaking “out of his place”, which earns him the title of an “insolent boy”.

Despite (most likely) repeated physical punishments along the years, notice how his enthusiasm for life and learning new things is still there, brightly sparkling in his eyes, as he offers to go with his father at important meetings. He is jovial towards his father, as if expecting him to - one day - reciprocate that cordiality, perhaps? This little soul harbors a lot of love and forgiveness, that is for sure!

Despite Zarkon’s stony-hearted reaction towards him, he pouts only as an immediate reflex, but then he cheers himself up by petting Kova.

His impish pout and little frown behind his father’s back foreshadow a future scene - when Zarkon will return to the throne, sending Lotor away. A more refined smirk will cross his face as he’ll depart, hiding behind it a more complex scheme than a teenager’s little mischief, but that scene shall be discussed further when I’ll get to it.

This little detail in child-Lotor’s life is an interesting inflection point that shows us how he learns to conceal his inner thoughts and his ploys from Zarkon, and by extension, from the world (remember the comparison with a distorted tree?). We know that adult Lotor is a master at scheming behind people’s back, working from the shadows, hiding himself - something that even Haggar reproaches him: “You say you rule, yet you stay hidden.” It’s something that he learned over and over again as a kid.

“You may be the high priestess, but I am your prince…” Didn’t Zarkon just utter the same thing? “You may be a prince, but I am your emperor…” Little Lotor learns very fast, his mind is a sponge absorbing everything from his father. With this you can pretty much tell how in awe he still is with him, imitating his vocabulary and trying to emulate his demeanor. The attitude is there: he’s proud of what he’s learned so far, he’s self-confident, and begins to have leadership traits: “you will do as I say.” All he does, he does in the name of Galra…

As for the interaction with Kova, here’s how I see it:

When Haggar says, “Do not touch him. He will hurt you,” I believe the meaning is more than just “Kova will scratch you.” Since Kova and Haggar both are infected with the entity, what are the chances that Kova might possess the same potential of sucking out the life of other living beings?

So in this context, I think that witch Haggar presumes that the prince might get injured. She’s unaware that Kova will not cause him any harm, because… what do you know? Lotor also has a little entity; he was born with it. And Haggar has no clue.

The bond they will form for the next ten thousand years perhaps goes deeper than we think. We know from S8 that Haggar was able to get into the minds of her Altean followers, because she infected them with the entity. There is a telepathic communication that forms, and maybe Lotor and Kova form a similar… mental bond? I’m inclined to believe this theory for several reasons: 1) in S8, Honerva is able to find out Lotor’s location only after probing into Kova’s mind. 2) Narti was also mentally bonded with Kova, and she could see through the cat’s eyes (which stirs the question: did Narti have the entity as well?)

Deep breath.

Are you ready for one of the hardest scenes in VLD?

YOUNG ADULT LOTOR

“Are you nervous?” asks Ven’tar.

Lotor replies with a confident, affected voice, looking up and proudly surveying the grand plaza, filled with thousands of people cheering him. “No, Ven’tar. This is my chance to finally make a difference. To show my father what we are capable of.”

Besides the fact that he nonchalantly displays his cat at the edge of his balcony, for the masses to see, notice the expression on his face, his eyebrows. He is pleased with himself, proud of his achievements, proud of the people in front of him.

What he says is also very significant, because it comes to show that Lotor, despite a lifetime of abuse and trauma from his father (and neglect from his mother), still believes there is good in him. He wants to “show” him what he’s capable of.

Oof. The need for validation. Why do people seek validation from others (especially from their family)? You guessed it: mainly because during their childhood, they did not receive enough praise or encouragement.

Overachievers are, oftentimes, love-seeking people who try to compensate for the lack of approval by trying to reach even higher goals, in the hopes of getting the love they need. In that note, here’s what Lotor tells his father:

“Our quintessence yields are some of the highest in the empire, and we’ve been more efficient than any other. By working alongside the denizens of this planet, like Ven’tar here, we’ve outsourced—”

“We’ve outpaced even the most generous projections.”

Poor Lotor!

The most horrific introduction into adulthood is about to drop. The hopeful, optimistic, love-seeking prince will see the true face of his father, and it is not a beautiful one.

We don’t know the details of Lotor’s relationship with Ven’tar, but from the fact that she addresses him without any royal titles, we can infer that they are at least friends. He loves the people of this planet, and he enjoys having her around him, so much so that he actually brings her with him to his father. Meet the parents?

Tragically, his father is utterly offended by Lotor’s introduction to such friends. “You dare work with this pitiful race as if they are your equals? […] The heir to the Galra throne should not sully our honor by working with his subjects!”

Yet Lotor has not learned his lesson yet. He raises his voice at him, like an outraged child that believes there is a way to reason with Zarkon.

Transactional Analysis psychology at its best, this scene provides us with a “game” between the critical, persecuting Parent ego and the rebellious Child ego. Enraged that things are not going his way, but hoping there is still a chance to shake his father from his insensitive state, Lotor takes it up a notch (in a game of “I’ll show him, he’ll see!”):

“It is the way my mother’s people would have done things.”

Lotor knows exactly how sensitive this subject is. All his childhood, he has been banned from researching anything about Honerva. Yet here he is, openly and rebelliously admitting it:

“You thought I couldn’t find out about my own mother? About her people? You thought you destroyed every remnant of Altea, but you cannot unless you destroy your own son as well!”

Lotor is now playing a very dangerous game. What he still does not realize is that his father’s reason is gone, his madness is pushed all the way to the dark side of the spectrum. He bargains with his own life, betting that Zarkon won’t harm him or his subjects. What’s worse, he unwittingly bets an entire planet against his self-assured comments (“unless you destroy your own son as well”). Actually, Zarkon will destroy him too, alongside Ven’tar’s planet. Not physically, but psychologically, he sure does.

“Enough!” Zarkon roars back at him.

Yes, enough, because it’s unbearable for Zarkon to even go there. The madness that clouds his mind has abolished any rational Adult from the picture. There is only the Tyrant, and he’s made up his mind.

“You are to crush this planet beneath your heel!”

The rebel child fights back: “Never!!”

Zarkon’s answer completely takes Lotor aback: “Then I will!”

Lotor is still in denial. The most cruel, dark, ugly face of his father is finally revealed to him and he cannot fathom it out. His father is truly capable of the most abominable acts.

Incredulity and desperation drips from his lips: “You wouldn’t. You can’t! Father, wait!”

Father, wait… Maybe, maybe he can fix this… Maybe he can soften his heart with one last plea, maybe he can twist himself one more time to his father’s will, if only he could to save his beloved planet:

“No, please do not do this, Father. Do not make these people suffer for my actions.”

The rebellious child shrinks into a penitent little being who bends to his abusive parent. How can he save them, now, in the last moment?

Alas… “It is already done.”

“I will do as you ask. The people will serve the Galra.” He will bend, he will bow to his father’s will, he will endure once more the whipping and palen-bols, he would do anything to save them! (Isn’t just this scene enough to reveal Lotor’s true character?) Utterly desperate, he runs after him, begging.

But we all know how it all went down...

Waking up to face the image of utter destruction, the fire outside reflects the scorching pain and horror inside him.

“You are hereby banished from the empire. Forced to live out the remainder of your days remembering your failure here.”

Indeed he will remember it for his entire life. After thousands of years, it will be his first and only confession to Allura, spoken, of all places, at Oriande, the most beautiful, celestial site in the universe.

“Have you nothing to say, witch? Surely even you can see the folly of your master’s actions,” utters Lotor through gnashing teeth, back at Haggar, who watches him impassively.

After a tragedy of this magnitude, I’m quite sure many would lose their mind. How did Lotor find the strength to go on after this? How did he preserve his sanity? Or maybe he actually… didn’t?

—————————————

We know a little bit about Lotor’s life in between this event and the first time we actually meet him, in S3E1, in the gladiator arena. From what he told Allura, after the harrowing event on Ven’tar’s planet, he spent the next few centuries searching for clues about his Altean heritage. We also assume it was within that time frame when he gathered the Alteans scattered across the corners of the empire, and brought them to the hidden colony in the Quantum Abyss.

But why his Altean heritage, you ask? He could have simply tried to find his inner peace in other ways… like, I don’t know, let’s say meditating, getting mental treatment, finding an occupation that would give him a different purpose. No, he spent centuries diving into the lost history of Altea, “another culture destroyed by Zarkon.” This was the only occupation that could give meaning and purpose to his life.

Why Altea?

Because it was the culture of his mother, whom he idolized. So much so that he defied his father’s interdictions and followed the Altean customs when ruling Ven’tar’s planet. So much so that when Allura dares to suggest that Haggar might be his mother, he snaps at her.

A child rejected by his father, mistreated, beaten, abused, tries to find refuge and comfort at the bosom of his… mother.

After Zarkon destroyed his heart, Lotor ran straight into the arms of Mother Altea. I believe that as much as the lost Alteans needed him to provide them a safe refuge, he needed them even more. He needed them as a child would need a mother to turn to, a safe place where he could heal his wounds.

I think herein lies the key to understanding Lotor’s mental trajectory and giving a true meaning to his mental breakdown and to the words he utters during the S6 tragic events, as I’ll discuss when we’ll arrive there.

Take a few deep breaths. Stretch your legs.

ADULT LOTOR BEFORE ALLYING WITH VOLTRON

Let’s see what he’s up to, thousands of years after all is said and done, during the new Paladins’ era. Haggar summons him to return as pro tem, and we first meet him in the gladiator arena.

We learn a bit about him from the little gossip murmured between Throk and his crony, watching the show. The “exiled brat”, how they call him, likes to “fight alongside his enlisted men, like a lowly private.”

“Worse than that, his top generals aren’t even pure Galra. They’re half-breeds at best. He has no honor,” Throk continues.

“Some say he allows the planets he conquers to continue to rule themselves. Can you imagine?”

“Clearly he’s a dangerous lunatic.”

This is the general atmosphere in which Lotor enters as emperor pro-tem, but now we know what kind of “lunatic” we are meeting.

His combat skills show his great talent for evasive maneuvers, using the opponent’s size to his advantage. He has adapted perfectly to the hostile environment in which he grew up. Like Hunk learned to avoid Dayak’s stinging crop, Lotor masters the art of evasive maneuvers to the tiniest detail. He easily defeats the big guy, then, with a theatrical gesture, reveals Throk’s hidden agenda to the public (courtesy of Ezor spying around - so we also know he’s got some good tactics to stay ahead of the game).

During his fight with Throk, Lotor makes some interesting remarks:

“You have flawless technique, that I’ll grant you. Still, you must realize at some point, that your repetitive attacks are getting you nowhere.”

“Your tactics are stale. And in the end, your own aggression is your undoing.”

The easy win that Throk provides, along with the dramatic effect it has for the audience, gives Lotor the perfect opportunity to win the public’s heart, by sparing Throk’s life. A novel approach.

“My father built our Empire on the bones of his enemies. But the time has come to change the old ways, and inspire not fear from those we rule, but loyalty. We must not waste our energy fighting to keep our subjects down, but rather multiply it, by allowing those worthy to rise and join our ranks. The Universe can no longer doubt our strength. Each ally gained only makes us stronger, while those who continue to stand against us… will be crushed.”

Wise words of a visionary man with a progressive agenda, he seeks to dislodge the old ways of the regime.

“The masses are easily manipulated,” he tells his generals as he returns victorious. “Have Throk transferred out to the Ulippa system immediately. Let him rot with the ice worms,” he beams a wicked smile.

So where’s the “each ally gained makes us stronger” promise?

Well, Lotor is intelligent enough to weigh the quality of his so-called “allies”. Would Throk really be someone “worthy to rise and join his ranks”, after he just plotted against him? There is a Latin proverb - “viperam sub ala nutricare”, or “to nurse a viper under your wing” - a caveat that you may not want to keep vipers too close to you. And Lotor’s survival instinct keeps him far away from such vipers. Actually, he is constantly on the watch for vipers - a trait that I shall repeatedly point out, because it reveals his paranoid tendencies, born of his turbulent and traumatic past.

From this episode we learn that he is a calculated man, who sends spies ahead of him to assess the territory, who knows how to win the public’s heart through inspiring speeches and amazing warrior skills, and who has a keen eye for discerning friends from foes. Bottomline: a very guarded man. Does he seem duplicitous and a bit suspicious? He sure does, but does he really hide evil intents? As a first-time watcher of the show, that would be the instinct. But reading the story backwards - meaning, starting in the true chronological order, from his childhood - we begin to comprehend the true reasons behind his exploits.

——————————————-

The following episodes reveal his brilliant tactics (of course, he practiced since he was a kid):

He easily lures the Paladins into multiple traps (Planet Puig, Thayserix), manipulating the battles in order to learn more about his opponents, all while enjoying himself. Not even looking to take them down, he simply wants to test their aptitudes and capture them if possible.

Ignoring his more impetuous generals, he knows when to retreat. “A leader must know when to leave the field of battle.” Something that Keith, as the new leader of Voltron, learns just now, for the first time. In many ways, the Paladins are learning new things via Lotor, and they’ll continue to learn from him throughout the seasons. As the EP’s also mentioned in multiple interviews, at their core, Lotor’s intentions are good, but his methods are not always as clean as Voltron may desire. He is operating not only from how he was raised, but also from the experience of his traumas, and we are given plenty of examples throughout the following seasons.

Lotor learns form every occasion, turning it to his advantage. The fact that the Lions can still form Voltron is “an opportunity”, which he fully wields, in S3E4 “Hole in the Sky”. Another trap for the Paladins, he effectively uses them to ‘pull his chestnuts out of the fire’. As he states, “If Voltron disappears from our world, then we win. If they make it out with the comet, we’ll take it from them. It’s a win either way.” Put that against his more tame clarification given to the Paladins, and you can see why it’s really a gray area where this man actually operates: “I’m afraid I had to be a bit duplicitous in effecting its retrieval. […] It was a calculated risk, I admit that. But I knew they’d come through without a scratch.” The high purpose he pursues (entering the rift) is worth the risks and the prices he’s willing to pay.

—————————————

In S3E5 “The Journey”, we learn something extremely valuable about him - how he has trained himself to be on constant alert about spies (remember the vipers mentioned earlier?). Swiftly apprehending general Raht, Haggar’s assigned secret agent, he decides to pay the witch a visit and confront her directly.

Haggar makes no gesture to deny the allegations, rather twisting the knife in his wound: “I know many ideas float through your head, just like your father, but the Galra Empire needs your leadership in these troubling times.” It almost resembles a domestic scene (I honestly chuckled), as if without realizing it, Haggar talks to him like a mother scolding her child. I find his reply equally entertaining (yet tragic), even his expression taking after that of a child desperately trying to rebel against his family: “I am the leader, but I am not my father!” It won’t be the first time when Haggar reproaches him that he’s not getting involved in imperial matters, only hiding in the shadows. That is his modus operandi - and we’re just beginning to understand why.

————————————————-

The next episode, “Tailing a Comet” holds some keys about what Lotor is up to, but also carries some mysteries which have not been unlocked to this day. We learn that he already used some of the comet ore to manufacture a ship, but we also learn that he attacks a Galra base, in order to retrieve a teludav lens. Again, he’s operating from the shadows. As Pidge rightfully points out… “I thought Lotor took over for Zarkon. Why is he attacking a Galra base?” Because - Haggar, that’s why. We know she’s tailing him constantly and she is the last person in the universe that he’d team up with. In fact, if I get to think of it, Haggar stalking Lotor is the underlying thread of the entire show.

But what of the teludav lens? Clearly, a link must exist between that and the fact that Acxa was sent to retrieve scaultrite from the belly of the weblum, where Keith found her in the first place. Allura rightfully infers that an Altean must be employed to operate it, but she guesses Haggar wrong. Yes, Haggar is Altean, as Allura discovered in direct combat with her, but it’s clear that Lotor does not want anything to do with the witch.

That leaves us with only one alternative: someone in his hidden Altean colony. (Lotor himself seems to not possess Altean alchemy powers to operate a teludav, at least none that we’ve seen). This loose thread has never been elucidated. To spread even more mystery around Lotor’s aura, even his generals have no clue about the true purpose of all these shenanigans. As Shiro says, “something strange is going on here, and we need to figure it out.” Um, actually, we never fully figured it out, courtesy of the garfle-warfled S8.

I found an interesting parallel, and again, a lesson that Keith indirectly learns from his interaction with Lotor: the advice that Shiro gives Keith at the end of this episode: “You need to pick your battles. Sometimes you have to make hard choices.” Similarly, every choice that Lotor makes throughout his life is a battle he has to pick - behind Haggar’s back, as we learn right at the end of this episode, when the witch attempts to pry relevant memories about the teludav theft out of Throk’s mind, while Lotor eavesdrops, behind the corner.

——————————————-

In S4E3 “Black Site” we get a multitude of new details about Lotor’s relationship with his family. When he is called to the imperial court to have his pro tem title dissolved, the first person he encounters as the doors hiss open is Haggar. For a very short moment, Lotor looks startled, and he casts a glance at the witch. Premonition?

As Lotor relinquishes imperial reigns back to his father, the interaction gives a quite fascinating subject of analysis. Lotor is no longer the naive youngling; he has completely abandoned the sincere vocabulary, instead glib words rolling off his tongue. He knows very well that Zarkon and him are never going to see eye to eye, but he did not come there to seek a fight. He’s not (yet) powerful enough to take him down, so the smooth-tongued approach has to be the way. He theatrically attempts an ingratiating offer to stay by Zarkon’s side and “learn” from him, knowing full-well that it will never happen. As expected, Zarkon dismisses him disdainfully.

And here’s the smirk I was talking about earlier:

It’s a rehearsed attitude, it’s the grown-up Lotor, like the tree grown under harsh weather, the prince whose childhood innocence and optimism have been replaced by a cynical, calculated demeanor, carrying out ploys behind his father’s back because the front door was closed a long time ago.

What a confident smirk.

He worked for so long on this plan.

He’s getting closer and closer to achieving his dream. He snatched the comet ore and he’s making his own Voltron. Soon he will be able to enter the rift and get as much quintessence as he needs, for his grand plans.

Unfortunately, his confidence becomes his blindspot, as Haggar taps into the mind connection with Kova.

The sad irony is that he thinks he has Haggar all sorted out, when, upon his departure, he runs a thorough scan of his ship for trackers. The scene screams “paranoia”, except this paranoia is indubitably justified. When you’ve been stalked for millennia by a family who seeks to destroy you, all your senses are sharpened, survival instinct ready to spring in action at any second, adrenalin ready to kick in.

Killing Narti, a huge blow for the team, does not ensue as a mindless knee-jerk reaction. It is a hard choice he makes, for their own survival. He learned throughout his life to decide on the run, and you can see it on his face that he takes no pleasure in killing. Narti falls victim, just like he later admits that he had to sacrifice a few Alteans to preserve the future for millions.

We do not know the circumstances in which he had to sacrifice “the few”, but if they resemble in any way the tough spot he found himself when slaying Narti, we begin to see the trail of tragedies that haunt his life.

—————————————

In S4, Ep3&5 we witness the growing mistrust of the generals towards Lotor. Ezor tells Acxa: “What about Narti? She trusted him. You saw where that got her.”

Notice that Lotor didn’t share some essential knowledge with his generals. The reason why he slayed Narti was because of the connection with Haggar via the entity inside Kova.

I believe none of the generals (except maybe Narti?) knows about the entity, his Quantum Abyss colony and his secret team building the inter-reality gate, based on their behavior along the show. Yes, Acxa might have a stronger loyalty, switching back to siding with him just from a few glance exchanges, but eventually she also renounces him.

In S8E5 “The Grudge”, Acxa explains to her friends in the gym room that “…we had to abandon the animal [Kova] on our destroyed ship so we could escape without being tracked.” This simply implies that she knew about Haggar controlling the cat, but not exactly how she controls the cat.

The rift gate scene also proves that Lotor runs secret operations that he obscures even from his generals (NB: when he deems appropriate, he discloses them). This is his dynamic way of existence: juggling with secrets among people who put their trust in him, in order to protect himself and those dear to him from his corrupt family. The trauma that he endures for millennia force him into wearing these many masks.

After his attempt to enter the rift between realities fails, his generals betray him. Most likely not the first time when people double-crossed him. The difference is that stakes are getting higher and higher, now that he has his own comet ore ships, and will continue to get higher as he’ll discover Oriande, all the more reasons for him to be extremely cautious.

But he’s used to traitors. As a matter of fact, when he wakes up, he says, with a bitter expression, “You plan to give me up. I understand, Zethrid. You do what you must, and I’ll do what I must.” This scene also foreshadows the larger breach of trust, between him and the Voltron team in S6.

Is he justified in keeping secrets from his team? Hell yes. The risk of losing Altea is so great that he has to.

—————————————

When Lotor flies too close to the sun (literally), his comet ore ship proves to be more resilient than Zarkon’s cruisers. As he dives deeper into the plasma, his expression - of desperate survival, of hate against his assailants - borders madness, resembling his turn in S6

Trauma and disintegration of his social connections, two major factors in describing a madness arc, converge right in this chapter.

If trauma from the past is not enough, being hunted by his own father is another straw atop the camel’s back. Not the last one, though. Not yet. More potent factors need to converge, to throw him off the cliff, as we’ll see.

By witnessing him completely alone, we also get a glimpse into his true character.

The moment he learns about the imminent explosion of the Naxzela planet, Lotor heads right into the heart of danger. Why would someone who, all this life, fought for his own survival, fly directly into the range of a galactic ticking bomb?

Because this is how we learn who he truly is. Alone, no external influence or circumstance, no pretend smiles or smirks behind one’s back, he takes decisions based on his true moral compass. If he were the monster the story would seemingly lead us to believe in S6 and beyond, he’d run to cover his own skin. Instead, the worry across his expression reveals just that: genuine concern.

The same genuine concern sits atop his brows as he enters the battle scene, effectively disabling Haggar’s weapon. Finally, after a long string of tragic mishaps, he secures a win. A win which he wittily and swiftly takes advantage of: “Attention, Paladins of Voltron and rebel fighters, I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but… I think it is time we had a discussion.”

BECOMING VOLTRON’S FRIEND

With S5 come Lotor’s brightest and most glorious moments, and along with them, the complexity of his character further augments.

Before I begin, I can’t help posting a side-by-side Loki-Lotor screencap, because Lotor’s prison cell screams the same design concept and I love it, for many reasons.

Also, let’s not forget this sassy first portrait of Lotor as he begins his adventure alongside the Paladins:

His discussions with Allura and the Paladins while serving prison time in the castle provide us with new details about him, but also lead the viewer into a skewed picture of the events.

#LotorWasFramed, shared by many on social media at the time of S6 and beyond, including by some of the VLD cast members, hints precisely at this skewed view of Lotor:

Allura says to her friends, in S5E1 “The Prisoner”, “I’m still not comfortable with this. It just doesn’t feel right.”

Later in the episode, she reiterates, “I can’t stop thinking that we might be an unwitting part of a much larger ulterior motive.”

Yes, her intuition is right, there is a much larger ulterior motive, but what is the ulterior motive? Is it truly an evil plot?

Well, take Allura’s final words about Lotor, in S8E13 and there you have it, canon-compliant: “Lotor may have been misguided, but ultimately, he wanted to preserve life. Honor your son...”

Highly frowned upon by fans as a meager redemption, truly lacking the complexity that should have reflected the richness of his character, it is, nevertheless, an exoneration, stating in clear that his ultimate goal was to preserve life - and to be more precise, Altean life, the Altean colony. We have to honor his work, because, ultimately, even though his methods didn’t feel right to Allura, even if his methods obscured ulterior motives, those motives were righteous. And Allura’s final statement is canon - one cannot deny that. The end justified the means - it truly fits into how he operated, and we can see why he had to operate that way - not only because he didn’t know of another method, but because the social and political circumstances forced him to.

So, armed with this information, we begin to see how his “ulterior motive” is plotted. He reveals to the Voltron team that his goal is to enter the rift to get quintessence, to flood the empire with a fuel currently deemed a luxury, to effectively “drop the price of oil”. A paradigm shift, a new dawn for the old empire. No more need for blood in order to obtain quintessence. A peaceful era for everyone. And he doesn’t lie. This is his intention. But not a complete picture of it.

What he doesn’t reveal is his precious Altean colony, the one that he hopes to finally be able to release from hiding, once peace has been established within the empire. In a future dialogue, he will state precisely that: “I’ve dedicated my life to preserving Altean culture. Now that we’ve unlocked the quintessence field, all of your people, who would have been hunted long ago, had it not been for my intervention, can live in peace.” Can we blame him for not revealing this to the team? Absolutely not. Knowing that Haggar can plant spies in the most inconspicuous locations, Lotor is constantly on the watch, protecting at all cost what is dearest to him - Mother Altea. And wasn’t he right? There was a mole in the Voltron team: Shiro’s clone.

————————————-

Returning to the scenes with imprisoned Lotor, let’s tap into some subtle psychological hints at his traumatic past.

When Allura calls him “the leader of the most bloodthirsty race of murderers this universe has ever known,” his reply does not arrive in anger, but with a surprisingly calm and pacifying tone, as he continues to sit down: “Can people not change? Is it so hard to believe that I wish to return the Galra empire to a bygone era of peace?” This is not the first time his mixed lineage has been the subject of spiteful remarks. For ten thousand years, he must have constantly heard the “half-breed” denigratory comments. Why would an Altean comment about his Galran blood strike him differently? He surely has grown thick skin by now.

But if these words don’t pierce the thick skin, this comment surely does: “Sounds like you are your father’s son,” says Allura with enmity, after he explains that his sole purpose has been to enter the rift.

This. This hurts. His weak spot. To have him compared with the tyrant who terrorized him for his entire life, what a blasphemy! He snapped at Haggar when she dared utter such words, and he snaps again now.

He stands up, aggravation in his expression, tone raised at Allura, attacking her with a similar family comparison: “It was your father who led the scientific exploration that discovered quintessence. An exploration, I might add, that resulted in the creation of Voltron. This isn’t a zero-sum game. Meeting the needs of the Galra empire means bringing peace to the universe. That is the future enlightenment brings us, one of prosperity for all. […] All I ask is to be judged by my actions, rather than your preconceptions of my race. If that is beyond you, then perhaps you should just finish me and get it over with. Clearly, Princess, you are not ready to end this war.”

This is obviously a subject of deep pain for him, and we don’t need any clarification as to why.

How painful?

World-shattering painful.

Maddeningly hurtful.

At this point Allura is someone he just met. He takes it personally when she compares him with Zarkon. What will happen when he’ll fall in love with her and then she’ll… revisit the same comparison?

Let’s refocus on his conversations with Allura and the Paladins:

Notice how skilled he is in dodging their questions regarding his ploys.

He admits to being “a bit duplicitous”, framing it as a means to a higher purpose - which is not a lie.

He’s not afraid to defend his political beliefs, and even fight back, ending his speech with a comment that emphasizes the maturity of his agenda, while pointing out her inexperience: “Clearly, Princess, you are not ready to end this war.” He does have a ten thousand year advantage over her, that’s a fact. (I also found it quite amusing that the very next scene depicts Allura being nervous about her lines when addressing the Coalition, while Lance advises her to… jot notes down on her palm, because… he does it all the time. Talk about inexperience!)

————————————

While the plot revolving around saving Commander Holt still holds a degree of uncertainty whether Lotor and Acxa were working together, it does seem plausible that Acxa acted in line with his interests, offering Holt to Zarkon, so that Lotor could have his one-on-one battle with his father.

Lotor attempting to convince the Paladins not to hand him over to Zarkon shows once more his tactical skills. He plants the idea of a “royal alliance” into Allura’s head (to Lance’s vocal dismay), and, perhaps due to his attraction to her, or simply as an intent to charm her, he goes as far as saying “You and I”. There is clearly chemistry between them from the start, and it’s savory to watch it unfold. Even as enemies, Allura watches him speak with mesmerized attention, absorbing his every word, and I believe it does not go unnoticed by him, which explains why he brings his focus on the unity aspect, stroking her ego with comments about their parents’ glorious past. His speech is so convincing that Allura already ponders on the “royal alliance” possibility.

The fight between Zarkon and his son is another source of precious details about Lotor. Now is the time for Lotor to speak his mind. When Zarkon calls him “weak” and “darkest shame”, Lotor doesn’t flinch. He’s grown thick skin for such insults. No longer the helpless child, Lotor sees the corrupt Zarkon exactly for who he is, and in this final moment between them, he points out all his weaknesses, especially his obsession for getting back the Black Lion.

The fight, spectacular (and magnificently rendered through animation), displays Lotor’s talent in evading direct blows and his keen eye for his opponent’s weak spots.

I found it so significant that Lotor kills his father not with a bayard, not with a sword, but with a shard of metal lying around on the ground. His desperate yell - “No!” - seeing as Zarkon points his deadly weapon at the Lions, proves once more his genuine concern for the Paladins. He kills his father to protect his allies.

His immediate facial expression is not of joy, not of jubilation, but of deep grief. I’m reiterating this: he does not take pleasure in killing, even his worst enemies. A positive trait that seems to contradict his portrayal after S6, which ties back to the #LotorWasFramed point that I made earlier.

The symbolism of the post-battle imagery conveys the suffering on his expression. As the light, emblematic of the new era that is to come for Lotor, crosses his face, we see the traumatic burden of his past, a burden he carries forward. Even if he killed his own father, the act itself does not erase the multi-millennial painful past.

And we continue to see that trauma etched into his expression on many occasions, including this scene, in the “Postmortem” episode.

When Allura asks him, “Are you alright?” his dry answer reflects the emptiness inside him, “I’ll be fine.” Someone who wants to bury their pain would resort to similar affirmations. I’m fine. Or… Everything is fine. Or… I’ll be fine.

No, sir, you’re not fine, you won’t be fine until you address that deep level of trauma.

Instead, Lotor pushes forward, because his work is not done. In fact, he’s just beginning.

First, he must take the throne as legitimate emperor.

Then, all his attention will focus on finding a way to obtain quintessence from the rift.

And lastly, his dream of freeing Altea would come to life.

Only after that, he can, maybe, maybe, relax (does an emperor of such a vast and violent empire ever relax?).

—————————————

So let’s begin with Kral Zera. Firstly, Lotor has to convince the Paladins to fly him into the danger zone, and the only one who stands by his side is Shiro, whose tactical experience aligns with his. The tension that ensues among the Paladins makes Shiro walk out of the room, while Lotor casts a regretful look in his trail. He clearly doesn’t enjoy being a source of discord among the Paladins.

So here it is: his genuine desire for peace and amity. Which lines up with his statements about bringing peace to the empire. And we see it once more as he comments about the Galra forces fighting amongst each other at Kral Zera: “This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I knew they would all turn on each other.”

This is the true Lotor, underneath the many layers and facades he wears around everyone.

But he is also the wily prince who sneaks out of the castle behind Allura’s back, along with Shiro and the Black Lion. Also, the way he spins the narrative in front of the Galra, boasting about returning the Black Lion to the empire? Genius.

When Haggar insults him about his Altean lineage, he dismisses her with a few words, but we can see the aggravation in his narrowing eyes. Drop by drop, all these upsets and tribulations add up to his already heavy mental anguish that he carried across the eons.

The clash between him and Sendak puts emphasis once more on his fearlessness and deft swordsmanship.

The lighting of the flame carries a solemn, uplifting, yet tragic air to it.

He ascends the battered, collapsing steps of the Kral Zera, perhaps the steps of his destiny, while explosions flare up the skies. He takes the throne of an empire in complete disarray. While he lights the flame, he harbors a stark, but also angry expression, because… why should he be joyful? He’s taking reign over a civilization that has perpetuated his traumas for so long.

———-

S5E5 “Bloodlines” provides a respite from all the anguish we’ve seen so far. He spends time with Allura, searching for Altean clues in Haggar’s lair, and we see the growing attraction between them bloom.

But watch for hints about his past traumas.

When Allura discovers that he is half-Altean, we get Lotor’s direct depiction of his status in the eyes of Galra, as well as his self-confidence in regards to his mixed genes: “It was something the Galra considered a weakness, but I considered it a strength.”

Also, his next words reveal his deep admiration for his mother. He venerates her, and he adores the Altean culture. As much as I want to emphasize the level of trauma that this man has gone through, I also want to bring under spotlight his awe for the mother he never knew, and by extension, of the entire Altean race. Pay attention: “The union between Zarkon and Honerva sparked a technological revolution within the empire. Even back then, Altean culture was remarkably advanced. The kinds of experiments she was conducting… she advanced science by eons.”

Something that always caught my eye was Honerva’s science log itself. Lotor scrolls through her research and we can clearly see the comet ore in one of them, a sphere in another and… the entity inside the tube in a third slider. It’s clearly the entity, compare it with the original image from S3E7:

The fact that Lotor casts a long look at the slides makes me think that he might be aware of the entity. Perhaps this science log will make him understand even more about it?

When Lotor makes a few comments, frowning while inspecting his mother’s science logs, we conclude a few aspects about him and his mother. “By the end of these logs, it’s like they’re written by a different person. She’s frantic, paranoid, erratic. Her reason and intellect are gone, replaced by fear and paranoia.”

This confirms exactly what happened to Honerva (and foreshadows what will happen to him as well). Due to her obsession for power and knowledge and enhanced by excessive quintessence demanded by the entity inside her, Honerva lost her reason, became… a different person. Does that not resonate with how Lotor underwent an apparent abrupt change in S6? The comparison might come across as superficial, but I promise I’ll go deeper when discussing the S6 scenes.

Also, this reveals a much deeper truth about Lotor. He is in denial about what happened to his mother. Pay attention to the scene where Allura suggests that Honerva might have turned into Haggar.

“That witch is not my mother!” snaps Lotor, taking Allura by surprise. Not only he raises his voice at the princess, but he instantly turns his back on her, leading to an awkward moment. I found this instance extremely telling. Suggesting to Lotor that his mother turned into a witch?? Unconceivable!

I’m reiterating this: he ADORES his mother, and he adores Altea. He wants to protect his mother’s image as much as he wants to protect his Altean colony, at all cost. Even if that means keeping the colony a secret from Allura - the princess of ancient Altea - who slowly conquers his heart. Was there a conflict inside him about this? I’m absolutely sure there was.

Another relevant aspect about Lotor is that he’s an Altean culture nerd. Especially the alchemy part. He’s been hunting high and low for Oriande, because his sharp intelligence guided him in the right direction. And with a bit of persistence, he guides Allura in the right direction, too. Together, they unlock the compass stone, and, despite the Paladins’ and Coran’s doubts, Lotor convinces them to “navigate by cave poetry”, eventually discovering Oriande.

—————————————

Lotor has Altean marks? The Marks of the Chosen, no less. I love the attention to the shape of the marks, too. Uncorrupted Alteans display half-moon marks, while Haggar’s look completely distorted, like scars dragging across her face. In between them is… Lotor. His marks are neither half-moons, nor disfigured shapes. Daywalker?

In any case, the fact that he is accepted in the realm of Oriande clearly means that he has potential for alchemic powers.

Even in the celestial beauty of such a place, his mind flies into dark corners, recalling the destruction of Ven’tar’s planet. This should tell you how deep his wounds go, and how desperately they need healing. With such unspeakable beauty around him, his miserable expression only underscores the level of internal trauma.

“You know, I envy you growing up with King Alfor. I always wanted to be an explorer and learn about the universe. My father was only interested in conquering it. He once put me in charge of a planet for a year, running the quintessence mining and getting to know the local population. Rather than employ the usual Galran methods of subjugation, I worked alongside the leadership of the planet, learning their customs. We would only extract as much quintessence as could be replenished. And I enjoyed my time there quite a bit. When my father found out what was happening, he ordered me to destroy the planet. I refused, and he sent me away.”

“At least you stood up for those people,” replies Allura.

“He destroyed them all. I was powerless to stop him. I spent the following centuries searching for clues about my Altean heritage, another culture destroyed by Zarkon.”

“I’m glad you’re here to help me now. I never would’ve gotten here without you,” Allura smiles back.

Notice how Allura brings lightheartedness into the conversation, always aiming his attention to the full side of the glass. When he turns around to face her, this is one of his most iconic, beautiful, gentle, hopeful, yet heartbreaking expression in the entire series:

Allura infuses him with optimism, like no one else did before. She is the soothing salve over his old wounds, arriving into his life to open up a bright future. Oriande awaits them, the future awaits them. Hope and love bloom in his heart, and you can read it on his face, overlayed with the fatigue lines etched under his eyes. I know I’ve said this before, but I’m absolutely in love with Studio Mir’s clean drawing style, yet capable of rendering a vast array of emotions with just a few pen strokes.

Inside the pyramid, Lotor makes a few remarks, which reflect his curiosity but also his relative lack of instincts about what to do next. He relies on logic and educated guesses.

“The mysteries we seek are hidden somewhere deep inside.”

“We may yet to prove that we’re worthy to be here.”

“There must be a clue. Something a trained Altean would recognize.”

Similarly, when the Sages attack, his training guides him to apply known and well-rehearsed battle tactics - he’s ducking away from their spears. Allura has the presence of mind to pull out the compass stone, addressing them reverently, and Lotor - behind her - instantly mimics her gestures. Yes, he’s a fast learner, but it’s a bit too late for learning. The trial time is near.

The trial itself provides us with a head-to-head comparison between his tactics and Allura’s. They each apply themselves according to their upbringing, and therein lies the tragedy of his failure.

When he finds himself alone in the celestial domain, what do we see first, glowing in his enlarged eyes?

Fear.

He gasps as he opens his eyes, looks around warily, then calls for her, “Allura?” Without her, he is insecure, because he is not prepared for this; it’s a kind of trial he’d never attended before. (He aced the Galran Agotian trials, yet he clearly struggles here).

Of course calling out for her suggests he might also be worried about her, but I believe - from the hints given so far from their adventure inside the pyramid - that he is genuinely lacking confidence. He even stated so, as they began their journey: “None of my research or travels have prepared me for this. From here, we are on our own.”

And what do Galrans do when faced with their own fears?

Victory or death.

“I will never yield! I will gain your secrets!”

Here, I read pride, anger, determination, unwillingness to give in.

He doesn’t even consider another method; the emotional domino of fear-aggression is ingrained into who he is, from a young age. And in the end… his own aggression is his undoing.

If you take a look at Allura’s demeanor, she does not gasp in fear as she takes in her surroundings. She does not call for Lotor.

“I do not wish to fight. I come here seeking knowledge,” she addresses the White Lion.

“What can I do?” she continues, humbly.

“No. This isn’t the way. I seek the secret of life. I give my own.”

Notice the requirements of an Altean trial:

humbleness in the face of unknown;

non-aggression;

willingness for self-sacrifice.

Lotor, unfortunately, does not display any of these.

In the meditation practice, there is one particular method that helps ease anxiety, worries and fear of unknown. It involves staying with your own emotions, allowing them to unfold, simply noticing and embracing them. Fear becomes a friend which does not need to be battled, but acknowledged.

What Allura did was to basically embrace her fear of the White Lion, to allow the fear to manifest, and in doing so, she conquered it.

Conversely, by fighting with your own emotions, you only prolong your agony.

When the Life Giver tells Allura, “You are home, and the secret is already within you,” we finally understand why Allura passed this trial, and why Lotor failed. If the secret is already within her, she instinctively directs her actions according to the ancient practices and wisdom of Altea, where she grew up. At Oriande she is home.

On the other hand, Lotor is hard-wired into the victory or death philosophy, which guides fear in the opposite direction, that of aggression. At this time, Oriande is not his home, unfortunately. He yells, “No. No!” realizing his failure. It’s a cry of desperation, he’s angry with himself for his defeat.

It’s ironic though: he knows that aggression is not the way, yet he himself cannot overcome it. It’s also paradoxical, because he is searching for ways to bring peace to the universe. He preaches peace and prosperity, but he lacks the deeper understanding of how to fully achieve it. Living in such a hostile environment for millennia, we cannot but recognize that this is the way the environment shaped him. Nature versus nurture, exactly the words of one of the EP’s. Also, from the same interview: “It was a very bad hand. That deck was stacked against him in every way in his upbringing. If he had this amazing accepting family that Allura had, he probably would have been a magnificent person. He had to live his life the only way he could, and a lot of that was through manipulation and doing things the only way he could get them done. It’s tragic.” (Source: Den of Geek - The Ultimate Downfall of Lotor, June 28, 2018 - link in comments)

Despite his defeat, I found it admirable that he does not bear jealousy on Allura, honestly acknowledging her magical powers: “You are a true Altean alchemist. Oriande was for you, not for me.”

One thing I’m wondering though: did Lotor ever learn anything from his defeat? He is a fast learner, so how did he internalize this event? I’m sure Allura recounted to him how she came to pass the trial, so did he ever put the pieces together, to figure out where he went wrong?

————————————

After Oriande, Season 6 warms us up to his character even more. The encounter with Dayak in S6E1 provides us with precious comic moments that further humanize his character. Suddenly, he is not the stiff emperor with a royal demeanor and parlance, but the teenager who’s embarrassed about his mom, while trying to look cool around his buddies, which subsequently suggests that he cares about his relationship with the Paladins, also proven by the way he introduces them to Dayak: “These are my colleagues. They have more than my permission to speak.”

In addition, their dynamic gives us a moment to ponder on the type of Galran education he received. Now that we are fresh from the Oriande experience, learning how Lotor grew up - under the constant threat of the whipping pain - provides a better perspective into the kind of cards life handed him.

In the same time, let’s not vilify all his upbringing. As a prince, Dayak offered him the highest kind of education one could receive: “The history of our conquests, our customs, battle philosophy, the art of war.” Yes, they are all veered towards war-related matters, but those are subjects of vital importance to any nation, even in times of peace. The end of S8 will have Allura basically learn to navigate this dark side, guided by ghost!Lotor and the entity. As much as Lotor needs to learn from Allura, she also needs to understand and absorb his wisdom.

If one needs a summary of Lotor’s past, find it right within Lotor’s speech, broadcast across his empire: “Slayer of a tyrant, child raised in the void and taught on the battlefield.”

From the conversation between Lt. Lahn and Commander Bogh, it’s clear that Lotor’s dream of peace is too abstract for his subjects. There are prejudices against him that are hard to tame. Lotor is well aware of them; even his empyreal address reflects this issue.

But one particular conversation raised a red flag to me. At the news of Sendak’s attack on a mining planet, the Paladins offer their immediate assistance. Lotor says, “Sendak would have me respond to his attack and neglect my empire.”

Allura replies with determination, “Voltron can handle this, while you continue to rule.”

Lotor insists, “But Princess, I need you here. Without you—”

“Your plan has waited this long. It can wait a tick longer. We must protect your innocent subjects,” says Allura.

“Of course. You’re right,” Lotor acquiesces in Allura’s decision.

This, right here, introduces a major hint at a future reveal. Is Lotor going to allow an entire mining colony to perish under Sendak’s attack? (“sacrifice a few…” - rings any bell?) When Allura emphasizes “innocent subjects”, I read frustration, impatience… and something more on his expression. He’s obviously annoyed that his plans are being delayed. As he told Allura, “it is paramount” that they focus all their energy on infusing his ships with alchemy. He’s getting so close to his dream, and now Sendak comes to derail him.

This askance look suggests he is hiding something. And we read a conflict within him, in the way he presses his eyelids closed under a slight frown, then reopens them into a forced-amiable expression.

There are many ways to interpret his internal conflict:

which innocent subjects should he focus on first? The Alteans - his most precious people - with whom he hasn’t been in contact for a while, or the mining colony attacked by Sendak? What if the Altean colony is in danger of peril as well, and he’s tied up with empyreal matters?

maybe he is simply embarrassed that he let a “little” mischief slip past his mask? He’s never been put in a situation like this, working alongside honest, compassionate people, who care for the lives of others. Not that he doesn’t care overall - on the contrary, all he does is because he desperately wants to pacify the empire and ultimately free his Altean colony, but the way he goes about it requires cutting some… corners; translation - sacrifices.

maybe time is of essence; perhaps he knows things we don’t know about his colonies (there are many unresolved things about the Altean colony plot, so here I can only speculate).

all of the above?

In any case, this little detail adds an extra tint of gray to his character.

—————-------

S6E2 and E3 elevate the relationship between Lotor and Allura to a level of trust and fondness for each other that we haven’t seen them develop for others. Lotor genuinely loves Allura, something confirmed in interviews with EP’s. He is not simply using her for his secret agenda. What is blooming between them is real, and you can see it in the way he behaves around her, the gentle hand touches, the almost-kiss interrupted by the Paladins, their discussions while working on his ships, his excitement to share the “grand news” about the progress he makes on his Sincline. Allura is beginning to be the soul-healer of his past traumas; his optimism is soaring. He is able to relax more around her, as he truly trusts her.

————------------

S6E4 (“The Colony”) begins with Lotor, facing his Sincline ship, ready for the trip to the rift, telling Allura: “I’ve waited an eternity for this. […] It means so much to me to share this with you.”

The moment of his life. He’s waited for this for thousands of years. Thousands. Not decades, not centuries. The anticipation, the emotion, it must be like nothing he ever felt.

I loved the reference to the DotU little technical terms, as they prepare for the trip of a lifetime: “Infracells up. Dynotherms connected. Mega-thrusters are go.” It gives their relationship even more meaning and legitimacy in the audience’s eyes.

Pay attention to the comments the Paladins make, as Lotor and Allura enter the rift:

Lance: “Last time anyone got in there, it turned Zarkon evil.”

Shiro: “Zarkon fell prey to his own evil instincts. The quintessence field didn’t create them. It revealed them.”

I’ve used Shiro’s comment in the analysis of Honerva and Zarkon’s arcs as well, but the fact that the writers chose to insert it right before Lotor’s trip to the rift is a clear enough hint (albeit “evil” and “instincts” have nuances, just like Lotor’s numerous character shades).

When they enter the rift, there is a moment where Lotor’s eyes narrow a bit…

That, right there, is Lotor’s cunning expression he often displayed in the episodes before befriending the Paladins. It clearly points out to us that there is more going on in his mind.

An evil plot? This would be the immediate thought, right? Especially immediately after Shiro mentioning “evil instincts”.

Or maybe it isn’t an evil plot, but its execution is… less clean (“Lotor may have been misguided, but ultimately, he wanted to preserve life”). Hence, the evil-looking smirk. #LotorWasFramed?

“What we do here today will change the course of the universe forever,” says Lotor, while measuring the energy readings inside the rift.

Allura ponders over the quintessence effects, “In the hands of the wrong person, this power could easily corrupt.”

“Together, we’ll see it never does and continue the work your father started so long ago,” Lotor replies.

Two things:

Another warning: Quintessence in the hands of the wrong person…

“Together”: Yes, if they split up, things will go sideways.

“I can feel the quintessence coursing through me,” says Lotor euphorically, as they travel through the rift.

Allura, ecstatically sighing, replies, “It’s like my spirit, my whole being, is more alive.”

Quintessence is the space-drug of the series, it’s no doubt about that, even the EP’s have made the comparison. A double-edged sword, capable of conferring supernatural abilities and sensations, yet destructive enough to turn you into a Zarkon.

Not only Lotor is feeling its effects, Allura does too. Keep this in mind as I’ll discuss upcoming events.

For the first time in eons, his stars are aligned in the best possible way. They “accomplished something amazing” - entering the rift and collecting quintessence. He has the most powerful princess in the universe by his side, the gifted alchemist he so sorely needed for millennia. His plan is coming along fabulously.

But I think the most amazing accomplishment is that they finally confirm their feelings. The kiss happens. The bond that forms in their hearts is a potential catalyst for extraordinary changes, within themselves and to the universe around them. Double, triple euphoria for him.

-------------------------

Can this man’s life turn any more tragic?

The moment of… (alleged) truth happens. The moment we find out, through Romelle’s story, that Lotor has been harvesting Alteans for their quintessence, for generations. The conclusion of her accusations is that he has been draining the Alteans for his own power and glory.

(Notice the general expression of guilt: self-hugging, chin dropped to the chest, peeking from underneath his frowned eyebrows)

DESCENT INTO MADNESS

Let’s see, from Lotor’s perspective, what shocking events he goes through, to understand the underlying cause of his mental breakdown in S6E6.

1. Physical rejection by the woman he fell in love with.

Right after the high of their kiss and their rift breakthrough, he finds himself at gunpoint, accused of mass murder.

In reply to their accusations, Lotor says, “You know nothing about what you speak. […] Allura, listen to me. I’ve dedicated my life to preserving Altean culture. Now that we’ve unlocked the quintessence field, all of your people, who would have been hunted down long ago had it not been for my intervention, can live in peace. Were some lives lost in the process? Yes. But they were martyrs to a noble cause. I sacrificed a few to preserve the future for millions. Allura, do not let this ruin everything we’ve worked for. Think of what we experienced in the quintessence field.”

From what he says, we can deduce exactly what I’ve pieced together so far: that he was deeply preoccupied with preserving the Altean life and culture - he “dedicated” his life to it. This was his purpose in life, it was what he cared most about, and every action, every little or grand mischief that we’ve seen so far along the seasons, they all point to one sole purpose: pacifying the universe so he could bring his Alteans out of their hideout, so they can “live in peace”. They were his Mother Altea - metaphorically, the mother he never had.

His explanation is vague enough that we don’t understand some essential aspects about the “martyrs”, but also, his approach to Allura, right after such horrifying news, touching her hand while reminding her of what they “experienced” in the rift, obviously rubs her the wrong way.

Fresh from the rift with a dose of ultra-pure emotional enhancer called quintessence, Allura reacts violently, without seeking more answers. From here, things quickly roll downhill.

2. Being taken hostage.

3. Facing the truth about his mother, Haggar/Honerva.

For some reason, this event in his life never seems to be a subject of much discussion. I believe this holds a large role in his traumatic rollercoaster before the battle with Allura. The discussion with Honerva reveals the fact that he is still in denial about his mother’s downfall. His fists tremble in anger - another sign of emotional gravity.

According to him, his mother “ceased to exist when Honerva drew her last breath”, while Haggar represents an “abomination”, “a twisted perversion of what was once so pure and beautiful”. If you want a little Transactional Analysis (TA) parallel, this is exactly Child-Lotor from the other reality, saying: “No. My mother is dead. And you cannot replace her!”

What I find even more dramatic is that his entire life he’s been compensating for his lack of maternal love by completely immersing himself into the Altean culture, while his biological mother did everything to thwart his efforts to connect with his maternal legacy.

This is a huge blow to his internal set of values, and the fact that he reacts with total denial suggests (again, applying TA) that, with his fears confirmed, Child-Lotor feels cornered, afraid, trapped, thus his reaction of rejection towards her.

Bear this in mind, because I believe at the core of Lotor’s tragic turn in this episode resides a wounded Child.

4. Attempting to fix it, under pressure.

He is being punched from ALL directions.

Yet he persists.

His urgent priority? Finding Allura.

Even though Acxa explains that it will take a while to get back to the castle of Lions, he replies: “Then what are we waiting for?” I read desperation, a rush to try to fix things.

Although Allura tossed him to the ground, he holds no grudge against her.

Why does he return to her?

Why not the colony?

After all, it was his most precious planet in the universe! Oh, but this is not a tactical decision… It clearly stems from his emotions - he will soon confess it as well - because he truly loves Allura.

The fear of losing her is greater than his fear for the colony. Now that the secret is out, now that he knows that clone-Shiro was Haggar’s spy, it must be clear to him that his colony is completely exposed. The Altean civilization that he worked so hard to protect from the evils of his parents is inches away from being overtaken by Haggar, yet he flies right back to Allura! How telling!

Oh, but the way the story frames it leads us to believe that he wants to get back to the rift due to his greed for more power, because that was Allura’s conclusion about why he was returning: “He needs to get back into the quintessence field.”

No he does not. His Sincline can jump in and out of the rift at his own will, so he can access the rift from anywhere. He explicitly said to his generals that, “We’re headed to the Castle of Lions’ last known location.” (S6E5) He’s not headed to the rift, he is headed towards ALLURA.

“Accessing the quintessence field has been Lotor’s singular drive for millennia. He wants to harness the power for himself, but we cannot let him,” says Allura in S6E6. Wrong. What did he just explain to her earlier? “Now that we’ve unlocked the quintessence field, all of your people, who would have been hunted down long ago had it not been for my intervention, can live in peace.” Accessing the quintessence field does not reflect his final goal, it is a means to a higher purpose: freeing the Alteans.

5. The fallout. The dam-breaking moment.

Let me start by saying that Lotor is generally a calm and composed character - a mask he has built into his persona and practiced it for millennia, because he needs to display confidence, not weakness, around both his subjects and his enemies. It is the way of the Galra. Also, the attribute of a leader.

That doesn’t mean he does not show moments of panic or outbursts of anger. On the contrary, we witnessed them along the episodes: when killing Narti, when flying into the solar flares, the moment he kills Zarkon, when snapping at Allura… These little slips hint at the true emotions roiling underneath his mask. Most of us understand this mechanism; think of school exams and how anxious we felt inside, despite displaying a relatively calm expression while entering the test room.

Given the extraordinary tension of the negative events that befall right after his most triumphant moments, what are the odds that behind this façade, Lotor’s anxiety is at an all-time high? The fact that he does not show it yet doesn’t mean it’s not there. But we’ll begin to see it, as soon as he starts talking to Allura.

En route to Allura, Lotor tells his generals: “Zethrid, Ezor, my deepest apologies for lying to you both, but in order to gain the princess’ trust, and make the Paladins of Voltron believe we were truly at odds, it had to be done. […] Today we will gain access to unlimited quintessence, and together, we usher in a new era of power.”

Did he just slip back under another one of his facades? Did he truly trick Allura and the Paladins? Perhaps yes, but not in the way we are led to believe.

What he says is true - he did have to pretend to be at odds with Zethrid and Ezor in order to gain the Paladins’ trust. Imagine the chaos (not that we wouldn’t have enjoyed it) these ladies would have brought to team Voltron. Would Lotor risk his reputation with such “scoundrels” around the innocent Paladins? I mean… Zethrid replies, “As long as I get to blow something up, I’m good.” That wouldn’t fly with Allura.

Lotor basically gave each side what they expected to hear, while he pushed forward with his agenda. In order to gain Ezor and Zethrid’s trust again, he had to explain himself, and he doesn’t really lie, does he?

But what’s up with ushering “a new era of power”? Hehe, this is where we all get tricked into thinking he wants all the power of the quintessence for his own glory, thus we’re mentally confirming what Allura just said: “He wants to harness the power for himself.” Wrong again, and I’ll link this up to his next statements.

After the Paladins destroy the inter-reality gate, they ready themselves for a confrontation. They expect Lotor to come with guns blazing. Hunk even calculates the odds of three Sincline ships to four Lions. Lance, the team lead in Keith’s absence, orders: “Hold your positions. Let Lotor make the first move.”

Well, Lotor’s first move, even after seeing the gate destroyed, is to seek peace. He does not lie in any of his statements; these all tie in together with what he’s been saying so far. “We need not fight today. We are all on the same side. I know what you all must think of me now that you know my past. It doesn’t have to change our future together. The truth is, I want to harness the power of the quintessence field to better the universe, just like I said. Nothing has changed.”

Allura, raising her voice, replies, “You enslaved countless Alteans. Harnessed their life source for your own personal gain. How many innocent lives did you destroy?”

Lotor calmly attempts to explain: “Allura, I—”

“How many?” she roars back, without allowing him to finish.

(What was he going to say? He was clearly going to divulge exactly the key detail we are missing from the colony story, but Allura, whose temper is out of control, diverts the subject.)

After a deep breath under closed eyes, Lotor replies, “It’s true. Many Alteans perished in my quest to unlock the mysteries of quintessence. But I protected thousands more, and I rescued their culture, our culture.”

Comparing Allura and Lotor’s demeanor, it’s clear that Allura is the fire-starter. Not without reason though; from her perspective, one of a victim of mass-destruction, she has every right to be mad, and we, the viewers, sympathize with her.

On the other hand, Lotor seems to keep it together. He truly loves her, otherwise he wouldn’t try so hard for a peaceful solution. Even Zethrid asks, confused: “Why is he pleading with the Paladins? Why are we not opening fire?”

Ezor says, cynically, “I stopped trying to figure out Lotor’s master plan long ago. Too complicated!”

The only one who seems to comprehend what’s going on in Lotor’s heart is Acxa, who casts a worried glance towards him. Worrisome indeed, because heartbreaks are most terrifying, if things go out of control.

“Allura, you must understand I’ve given everything I have to plumb the depths of King Alfor’s knowledge, to unlock the mysteries of Oriande. Please, Allura, we’ve come too far together. Surely, you can see the greatness we’ve already accomplished. There’s still more to come. Join me. We’re on the same side.”

“No, we’re not!!” Allura screams at the top of her lungs, blasting her Lion’s canon at him.

Notice, Allura fires the first shot. Lotor, in response, yells at his generals: “Hold your fire! Hold your fire!” Acxa is sweating in tension - because she intuits how bad this could go. Zethrid is frustrated, while Ezor looks completely confused.

Lotor, keeping it together with his last emotional energy, is desperately trying to reach Allura. His voice trembles from the emotion, from the utter despair and anguish. His pupils have narrowed, eyes wide open. He sees his most precious relationship falling apart, he’s clinging to a last thread of hope. Allura is the one true love he met after ten thousand years of traumas and the most gifted alchemist. He has given everything he had to arrive here.

Altea awaits them. Together they could bring their people out of the shadows, they could rule a New Altea, “a new era of power” as he told his generals.

“Allura, stop! You and I hold the ancient knowledge of our Altean culture. We were meant to be together. My feelings for you are true - and I know you have feelings for me as well.”

Cry as many rivers you need to, because this is the most tragic declaration of love.

Lotor, right here, wears his heart on his sleeve in front of everyone to see. Vulnerable, open-hearted, sincere - perhaps the most sincere declaration of his entire life, he opens himself up to Allura, he puts his trust in her, with all his wounds and unresolved traumas of the past.

Remember the “I’ll be fine” reply after defeating his father? No, he is not fine, his wounds have never healed.

This is why Allura’s reply falls like a guillotine on his already ravaged soul.

“You betrayed and used me. You’re more like Zarkon than I could have ever imagined!”

Comparing him with Zarkon? The one man who destroyed his life, who terrorized him for eons? We’ve seen his irked reaction to this comparison in the past, but now? Now the emotions are at all-time high. His bleeding heart is out for her to see, and she slays it, full-force.

Every trauma from his past converges here. This is the boiling point, the dam-breaking moment. This is where his hope dies. The moment of agency. (As I said in the beginning, at the critical point of the madness arc, whatever breaks the dam is a world-shattering event: extreme grief, total loss of loved ones, closest allies and friends, the breach of trust towards the world, or a combination of these. The character will try to fix the world and/or get back at the ones who hurt him.)

The shrilling noises of the soundtrack make us cringe, like we could feel the shiver that runs down his spine as his heart suddenly grows cold. He replies with a stark voice. “What about your father? He may have been a master engineer, but Alfor was too weak to defend his home world. I’m the one who had to step up and save our entire race. Who are you to question my tactics in bringing peace and prosperity to the universe?”

Remember his similar reply when he was a prisoner in her castle? It’s his gut reaction to a most sensitive subject: his father. She wants to talk family? He’s punching back with brutal opinions on Alfor, because at this point he desires nothing more but for her to feel the same kind of pain.

“Who are you…?” She’s a stranger. Someone who doesn’t have a place in his heart anymore.

“Destroy the Lions,” he orders his generals over a cold expression. He’s made his choice.

Hell breaks loose.

If you think that the negative effects of the rift trip applied only to Lotor, let me put this in perspective:

Allura is equally overloaded with adrenalin. And from the battle scene, we can see that she is the one attacking him first, her roar as loud as her Lion’s. As the fight continues, Lotor perfectly executes evasive maneuvers around her, continuing to keep a blank expression, until… he erupts, like a volcano of unresolved, under-pressure turmoil:

“Once I wipe out Voltron, I’m going to start a new Altea. An Altea that will never know of Princess Allura or King Alfor. Nor will they know of the Lions of Voltron. All they’ll know is me, their great leader! Hahaha, I’m ready to wipe the universe clean of all my enemies. Voltron, Haggar, and the rest of the Galra!”

Here’s where many of us got him wrong, thinking that this has been Lotor’s real intention from the get-go: to destroy Voltron and rule a new empire for his own glory.

The only way I can properly explain this is through the psychological mechanisms - not only what goes on in Lotor’s mind, but in our mind as well.

1. Let’s start with us. The script so far played to convince us that Lotor planned this evil plot all along. How did we get tricked? Through all the little hints dropped along the way, which I already pointed out. Our knee-jerk reaction naturally ensues as “A-ha, I told you so.” However, many of us began to have doubts.

2. Shifting the focus back on Lotor, here’s what I said right after the scene with the destruction of Ven’tar’s planet: “after Zarkon destroyed his heart, Lotor ran straight into the arms of Mother Altea”.

I remember, earliest childhood memories, that if I was mad at my dad, I would run to my mom. If I was upset on both of them, I’d cry for my grandparents. It’s only natural that the child seeks love, affection, protection, and as we grow older, that Child within us, with all its basic emotions and needs, continues to coexist underneath our Adult.

The bigger the wounds of the past, the larger the needs of the inner Child.

What happens when the Child within us loses all emotional contacts, all the love and support it sorely needs? When all our friends and allies are gone, when we lose contact with reality, when the closest friend and lover stabs us in our deepest wounds… where do we go from there?

Where did the wounded, cornered Child-Lotor escape, away from the cruel reality around him?

What was his last refuge? His last place where he he would always be received with unquestioning devotion by the masses?

ALTEA.

The Alteans praised him as a god, a messiah, their savior. His statue dominated their landscape.

Altea was his life-long project, the only heritage from his real mother, the place where he poured all his passion (“I’ve dedicated my life to preserving the Altean culture.”). Until he met Allura, that had been his only source of love and joy.

Altea was the family he never had.

Who we see here, screaming and kicking, is the wounded, cornered inner Child, irrational, filled with pure negative emotions. There is no reasonable Adult in the picture, no normative Parent, just pure madness. Fear leads to aggression (the Galra way), similar to his reaction of slaying the Lion at Oriande. He screams about becoming the great leader of a new Altea that will never know of Allura, Voltron, Alfor, etc, because ALTEA IS HIS LAST PLACE OF REFUGE, where he hopes to forget about this painful past. Child-Lotor is hurt, deeply hurt, he wants destroy all who wounded him, then run away into the arms of Mother Altea. He descends into madness with guns blazing, ready to get back at those who hurt him, and in an ultimate irrational cry, he includes the Galra in his list of mortal enemies, because they, too, hurt him when he was a child.

He bitterly comments: “Even my generals betray me!” A self-fulfilling prophecy, as he becomes disconnected from literally everyone.

Acxa yells “Lotor, don’t do this!” as he ejects them one by one from the ships. She knows what he’s about to do - form the Sincline robot, because she worked on building the ships. She knows how powerful it can become and realizes how far Lotor is gone.

Sprinkle quintessence atop the irrational, negative emotions and the cocktail for disaster is right there.

Quintessence “reveals evil instincts” indeed, because

negative emotions are evil,

and emotions are instinctual (the definition of emotion is “a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others”).

Allura recognizes it during their battle inside the rift, when the Paladins begin to drift into rage. “We have to get out of here,” she yells. “This is exactly what happened to Zarkon. Exposure to all this quintessence turned him into a monster!”

—> So, did Lotor harbor “evil instincts” all this time? Well, we all carry negative emotions. The Paladins did too, when they screamed “Let’s destroy that guy!”, “Finish him!”, except that Allura pulled the plug before they could all become corrupted (the best way to prevent drug dependence is to not get exposed in the first place).

—> Does this confirm that he’s been planning this plot all along, that he truly wanted to become the all-powerful, “great leader” of a new Altea that would obliterate Alfor’s legacy? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It only proves that what happened to Lotor was a tragic descent into madness, a resultant of unresolved mental illness accumulated along the millennia, enhanced by a series of misfortunate events and misunderstandings between him and team Voltron, and blown out of proportions by quintessence (and maybe the little entity inside him, too).

After S6 dropped, viewers were complaining that they did not recognize this Lotor, that this was a different person. Well, remember what he said about his mother, when inspecting her science log? “By the end of these logs, it’s like they’re written by a different person. She’s frantic, paranoid, erratic. Her reason and intellect are gone, replaced by fear and paranoia.”

Voilà.

So then, what did Lotor want when he was in his right mind?

Exactly what he said: to bring Altea out of the shadows, into a universe free of violence. Bonus: having Allura with him meant that together, they made sure the quintessence never got into the wrong hands (idealistic, I know, but the man had a dream). Ruling alongside Allura, the “royal alliance”, would have been his most blissful destiny.

Did he plan on destroying all the Galra? I don’t believe so, because he told Allura that he wanted to “meet the needs of the Galra”.

Maybe get rid of some inconvenient warlords? For sure, they’d all rot with the ice worms.

Maybe install an Altean leadership instead? “A new era of power?” It’s quite possible that might have been in the back of his mind. Who knows, maybe it would have turned just like the alternate reality where the Paladins traveled, where the enemies of Altea were turned into “non-cogs”. Anything is possible, we’d have to ask the writers what they had in mind.

Did he dream of becoming the “great leader”? Maybe not in a megalomaniac way, but he probably envisioned himself as a benevolent emperor, since he had a huge need for validation and love. His giant statue is a testament to that.

Did he want all the power for himself? No. All evidence points to the fact that he was willing to share it with Allura (“royal alliance”), with Voltron, with the Coalition. He even tells them, through boiling wrath: “It didn’t have to end like this.”

Some voices insist that Lotor could have told Allura (at least Allura, not the others) about his secret colonies, but because he was hiding that, it meant that he was hiding evil intents. No, he couldn’t tell anyone, his hands were tied because of Haggar stalking him. When Allura was piloting Voltron, her mind was connected with the rest of the Paladins. If Haggar had access to clone-Shiro’s mind, what would prevent her from tapping into the others’ minds?

“Now we will see how Alfor’s legacy stands against the new Altean defender!” screams Lotor during his clash against Voltron.

Altean… DEFENDER? I know this is irrational Lotor talking, but maybe this had been his plan all along? To create defenders for Altea, machines capable of fending off Galra invaders? If this is what his second colony was all about, then Allura’s visions in S8 also make sense - her mother telling her about protecting Altea against the Galra. Speculating.

As the battle heats up, Sincline jumps in and out of the quintessence field at will. Along with that, we begin to see him turn more and more rogue, as the quintessence gradually poisons him.

“Unlimited power is mine. All realities will fall to the new Altean Empire.”

A new Altea, a new Altean defender, and now… a new Altean Empire. At the peak of his madness, new delusions of grandeur emerge - yes, now he wants unlimited power - but perhaps we can also take a little peek into his secret wishes? He’d dream of replacing the Galra ruling with an Altean leadership? It would make sense, since he loved Altea so much.

These are 100% madness tantrums: if nobody loves me, I’ll destroy all of you and rebuild my own world.

It very much resembles Honerva’s peak of madness: “If I cannot experience the simple joys of life, why should anyone else?” (Translation: If nobody gives me what I want, then screw you all.)

-----------------------------

We know the rest of Lotor’s arc, or what remains of it. Left in the quintessence field, then recovered by his mother in S8E6 “Genesis”, and, for the following episodes, Sincline is dangled in front of the audience like a carrot, only to wave goodbye to his ghost in the end, with a short “he deserved better” conclusion. Oh, let’s not forget about the cOrPse.

—————————————

Earlier I talked about the “alleged truth” that Romelle brought to the story, because up to this date we don’t know exactly the entire backstory of the colony, yet…

A. We were told all along the remaining of S6, entire S7 and almost all S8 that Lotor was

“a monster” (Romelle, S6E4),

“a murderer” (Pidge, S6E4),

someone who “fooled” everyone around him for his own power (Allura, S6E6),

who harnessed the Alteans’ life source for his “own personal gain” (Allura, S6E6),

a man who “preached unity, but in the end he only sought power” (Acxa, S7E3),

who “used” his allies, leading them down “a painful path, a never-ending cycle of destruction and loss” (Acxa, S8E5)

B. Out of nowhere, Allura exonerates him in the last episode of the series, asking Honerva to “honor” her son: “Lotor may have been misguided, but ultimately, he wanted to preserve life.”

So which one is it: A or B?

You don’t suddenly honor someone after you called them “murderer”, power-seeking “monster”, unless… something of extraordinary importance has been unveiled, to properly provide an exoneration of his character.

Was it ever unveiled? No.

Then, rational deduction… #LotorWasFramed?

I think so.

It started as writers’ deliberate story framing (proof provided in my above analysis), leading the audience to believe in a “he-was-evil-all-along” nature of Lotor, with the clear expectation of a much larger reveal later down the series, that would subvert the “villain” trope. In my opinion - based on logical deductions and supported by evidence of altered animation circulating in the fandom extensively, the big reveal was excised from S8, the only clues left residing in… metaphors and visions - Allura’s visions.

Reason of such excision? Just like the tragedy of Lotor’s arc, the tragedy of VLD lied in the conflict between the IP owner’s commercial target (toys for boys aged 6-12 and robot cartoons with classic, simple tropes such as good vs. evil, boy-hero gets the pretty girl, etc) and the actual execution of the story, which deployed complex characters like Lotor, Allura, Honerva, the Paladins, and so on, embraced by a different audience niche. Yet, even if the finale of S8 attempted to erase such complexity in order to realign the series with the aforementioned commercial intent, the creators nevertheless managed to insert their concluding message into the final episode - Lotor ultimately wanted to preserve life - thus, he deserved better.

———————————————

Season 8, although I consider it incomplete in regards to Lotor’s arc (and other arcs as well), does provide us with some interesting hints at what could have been, if the story hadn’t been altered, which would have further elucidated Lotor’s overall arc, because these hints contribute to showing us his true nature.

—> In S8E6 “Genesis”, Sincline has the target locked onto Allura, yet it does not open fire. We clearly see through Lotor’s eyes, as he readies his aim.

There is no doubt that a sentient soul coordinates the decision not to shoot. This reminds me of Zarkon’s singular confession to his son: “She was my only weakness.” Similarly, Allura is Lotor’s only weakness.

This scene begs a series of logical questions (*cough*, I love logic): if a sentient being operates Sincline, how can Lotor be dead? A dead man cannot operate Sincline.

If Honerva uses the entity to remote-control her living subjects and she also remote-controls Sincline, then logic would suggest that… a living subject, infected with the entity, inhabits the cockpit. Not a corpse.

Honerva tells Allura: “I am the only thing keeping my son at bay.” Um, she can’t really keep a dead son at bay, can she?

If he’s alive, then why are we shown the suggestion of a corpse, in S8E10? Or was it another altered scene? NB: static images are easy to redraw.

Also, motes of purple quintessence effuse from the “corpse”. We’ve seen these before, with Zarkon and Honerva right after coming back from the rift.

If the assumptions above are correct, then this scene would further align with what I have said in my previous metas regarding Zarkon and Honerva: the entity’s takeover happens as a gradual progression towards complete disconnect from self. At this point in the story, Lotor would be at the far end of the madness spectrum, completely possessed by the entity and overloaded with quintessence. This would create a coherent story, paralleling those of Zarkon and Honerva.

This theory about Lotor having the entity would also justify the next point:

—> Allura’s visions in S8E8 are a rich source of information.

Just like Honerva can telepathically connect with her subjects via the entity, if Lotor has the entity and he has a strong attachment to Allura, then he is telepathically causing her dream.

Since what Lotor tells Allura about the entity turns out to be true, why wouldn’t the other elements of her dream be true, too? (“nothing ever truly goes extinct” = he’s not really dead; “we both seek to destroy Haggar” = Lotor has been fighting Haggar all along; he’s showing her how to fight Haggar, because that’s how he did it in the past - and that can be seen as an explanation for his second colony, because it clearly implies that sacrifices have been made).

If Allura’s dream provides an allegory to Lotor’s second colony, it would justify the meaning of Lotor’s words: “they were martyrs to a noble cause.”

Also, this statement would provide backup: “Many Alteans perished in my quest to unlock the mysteries of quintessence. But I protected thousands more…” If he was looking for a way to use the entity and the quintessence to defend his colony against the Galra, then he was definitely on a quest to unlock their mysteries, to protect the thousands more.

In this context, the heist of the teludav lens in S3E6 has a justification, as he may have intended to use Alteans to operate it, in another one of his “quests”.

Although the origin of the clandestine, pure white vats of quintessence was never fully explained (the quintessence allegedly extracted from the second colony Alteans actually looked quite purple), the story made it clear that Lotor was using the ultra-pure variety to infuse at least his Sincline ships with it. If he calls his Sincline the new Altean Defender, perhaps he tested other vehicles as well, using that pure white quintessence?

These would all tie together his arc, and the last statement of the story would make absolute sense: “ultimately, he wanted to preserve life.”

—> Aside from these remarks, there are many other metaphorical takes to Allura’s vision.

Ghost!Lotor visiting Allura in her bedroom immediately sent my thoughts to a folklore myth that is common to many cultures, from South America to Africa, to Northern and Eastern Europe and beyond. The “incubus” is a demon or a soul that visits sleeping women, in some traditions thought to be a man who was rejected during his lifetime by a woman, seeking to get back to his lost love. A symbol of unrequited love, erotic temptations or female desires, the incubus bears many names, according to each folklore. “I thought you’d be happy to see me,” says Ghost!Lotor, perhaps reading her mind?

“The ancients believed that all of life began with a single juniberry flower.” Foreshadowing the last episode’s rebirth of the universe, perhaps Lotor was supposed to accompany her in the grand restoration?

————————————

Even without S8, my point is that Lotor’s story followed a madness arc, slowly evolving along his multi-millennial life, and subtly hinted at throughout the show. Despite arriving at the same level of insanity as his parents, the reasons for his downfall were truly tragic, and, had the last season been allowed to develop as intended by the writers, Lotor would have been vindicated through a fully-fledged arc, just like his parents - thus, he deserved better and, in my opinion, the writers deserved better. The proof is in the details, and I’ve zoomed in quite a bit during this analysis. VLD gave us an amazing show with complex characters and most inspiring animation art.

This is probably my last meta on VLD. Going forward, I’ll focus more on the bright side of things: fan art and fanfics. See you on the other side! 😘

[littleoddwriter]

Character Analysis: Cooper Abbott (Trap, 2024)

Hello there and welcome to me being painfully autistic (this is meant as a lighthearted joke; but also... yeah)! In order to get it out of my system, I wrote an in-depth character analysis on Cooper Abbott (played by Josh Hartnett) in the movie Trap (written, produced and directed by M. Night Shyamalan). The analysis only focuses on specific points, because otherwise it'd be even longer and more convoluted than it already is. I will make separate posts about the other points I didn't have a chance to mention/analyse (like the relation of Lady Raven's songs to Cooper's emotional journey, technical aspects, acting choices, and pretty much entire scene analyses) eventually, though. This is by no means an "official" analysis, just something I wrote for fun because that's how my brain works and I really needed to get those thoughts out there. But if they spark a conversation, that'd make me very happy, too! Anyone who finds themselves reading this: I hope you enjoy my interpretations, and I'd love to hear your own thoughts if you wanted to share them! But always remember to be kind and respectful!

The points I covered in this analysis:

Surface level traits and facts about Cooper Abbott

Relationship with Riley (and Logan, by extent) In contrast: his wife Rachel

Motivations during the movie (escape, not getting caught, keeping his two lives separate and balanced) Also: motivations for killing (trauma)

Key Conflict + Epiphany: his love for his children and thus, the fear of getting caught

What does all this mean for Cooper as a character, and by extension, us, the viewer?

Disclaimer: In the section for his motivations for killing, I will be taking a look at the claim that he has OCD. I, myself, have OCD and am talking from personal experience and knowledge I gathered through subsequent research and therapy; but that doesn't mean I'm an expert or that you have to agree with my takes, just because I'm looking at it through a more personal lens. Speaking of, when I mention his trauma and abnormal psychology as cause for his murders, I by no means want to say that everyone like this is automatically prone to being a violent or dangerous person. That's not true whatsoever, please remember that. (Once again, I'm talking from experience here, as well.) This is merely an interpretation of a fictional character, who was written to be this way. Also, of course, take what I say with a grain of salt. This is just for fun and not meant to be on an academic level (hence the lack of sources because I was mostly talking from what I just know, and obviously the movie itself, such as interviews with Josh Hartnett and M. Night).

Anyway:

To start off, I want to talk about the most basic, certain facts about Cooper Abbott that we get throughout the movie. Who is he on the surface? How does he appear to others? What do we know about “the Butcher”?

On the surface, Cooper Abbott is a cisgender, white, middle-aged (estimated to be in his early forties) male of the middle class, who lives in the Philadelphian suburbs with his family, consisting of his wife Rachel, his young teenage daughter Riley, and his younger son Logan. Cooper is a firefighter, and most likely has been one for up to twenty years at that point, depending on when he started his training and if he went to college beforehand. He managed to create the ideal family life. He’s a very involved and good father, who deeply cares about his children’s wellbeing and happiness, and does anything he can to achieve that, like buying concert tickets to Lady Raven for Riley as a reward for her good grades, and coming along with her.

To others, he appears like the ideal husband and father, and regular citizen. He seems like a completely normal and functioning member of society with good values, a great family, and who works as a first responder in the fire department, which is a noble career to pursue. He generally presents as the perfect example of what the modern man of his status 'should' be. On top of that, he’s incredibly charming and easily makes people open up to him, want to keep him around, and reveal information to him that they wouldn’t (and shouldn’t) give up to other strangers like him. He appears like a friend; even when he’s just met the other person. He’s non-threatening and trustworthy, and also humble. He can be pushy, but backtracks enough with believable excuses and commonly used phrases to make the other person feel at ease and like he’s only a well-meaning person, clumsily and charmingly asking for help or information.

For example, when he asks Jamie about all the extra security at the venue, and later asks to come back to the storage room with him, where he swipes his keycard, all the while making friendly conversation and getting information he needs from Jamie that he shouldn’t even be able to get otherwise. But by letting Jamie witness his “good values” as a family by allowing the other girl to get the shirt first, so as to not start a fight, and telling him he works in the fire department, and helping him with the heavy box, he creates a bond of trust with the other man. In turn, Jamie willingly tells Cooper about the police and FBI presence, due to evidence that led them to believe a serial killer, the Butcher (Cooper), would be at the concert; and later, in the storage room, even going so far as to tell him his secret passcode for security, because Cooper is “on [their] side” by being a firefighter and evidently great father. Another example of that is how Cooper got Riley to be chosen to be the girl for “Dreamer Girl” to get on stage with Lady Raven and backstage later. To achieve that, Cooper talks to one of the spotter’s he sees around, humbly and a little clumsily telling him how grateful he and Riley are to be there, while revealing in a lie that she had just recovered from leukemia, and that all he wanted is for the Spotter to thank Lady Raven for them to put on such a great show and make Riley happy, after having felt “cursed” due to her sickness. All of that is an effective manipulation and a lie, which only Cooper knows, but clearly strikes a chord in the other man that leads to Riley being chosen without her ever finding out how or why.

Then, there is this side of Cooper that nobody knows is his. “The Butcher”, as the media refers to Cooper Abbott’s serial killing. According to the media, the Butcher had been actively pursued by the police and FBI for seven years at the time of the movie, and twelve victims had been found and linked to him, based on evidence. His victims, as far as we know, consist of people of various ages, genders, and ethnicities. The thing they apparently had in common was that they were all good, selfless people. A young father of a two-year old boy, taking care of his parents, while working as a teacher, and even being awarded as “most liked teacher”; and another young man, who is into sustainable agriculture. We are also told about a woman without further details, leading to the thought that his victims come from all backgrounds. The bodies were normally found out in the open, chopped into pieces with a meat cleaver, hence dubbing him “the Butcher”. In the psychological profile of the Butcher, it was determined that he possibly had maternal issues and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), which is supported by Cooper hallucinating his mother, and evidently having been punished and severely traumatised by her growing up, such as his extreme need for control in every way. His abnormal psychology becomes more and more evident throughout the movie and will be discussed further down.

Now that the more basic facts are out of the way, I’d like to focus on the two key relationships we witness in the film. His relationship with his daughter Riley, and by extension his son Logan. And in contrast, his relationship with his wife Rachel.

The film starts with showing the audience what a great and secure relationship Cooper and Riley have as father and daughter. He lets her happily, and loudly, play her music in the car while singing along, albeit off-key, and encourages her. He calms her down when she’s stressed about being late to the concert, explains to her to not trust random sellers in front of the venue, and continuously tries to cheer her up and get her excited when she starts getting into her own head about things, and succeeds. We are also shown that he cares about her wellbeing beyond the present moment and that they have a trusting bond where they can talk about anything with each other, which is made evident when Riley opens up about her being left out and possibly picked on by girls at school. Cooper shows her compassion and understanding for her situation and feelings about it, and follows that up by making her laugh again and distracting her from it. As well as being emotionally close, Cooper is also physically affectionate toward Riley by often keeping a hand on her upper back or shoulder, and around her head, such as embracing her, and kissing the top of her head on several occasions, all of which she’s happy to receive and reciprocate, and sometimes even initiates herself, making it a mutually close and loving bond they share.

Throughout the movie, we often witness him showing interest in anything that concerns Riley, be that the slang words she uses, her wanting a tour shirt, and most importantly, her hoping to be picked for “Dreamer Girl”. And, of course, while the latter is merely a way for Cooper to find an escape when he feels cornered, by having been shown all of the previous interactions between them, it’s safe to say that he’d at least shown interest and hope for her to be chosen, regardless of his own predicament. Something that’s also mentioned a lot is Riley’s good grades and the concert being a reward for them, which shows that it’s important in their family to work for what they receive, and that said work will always be appreciated and celebrated, which is also later shown with the whole family eating a pie Rachel baked for the occasion. Generally, Cooper is constantly shown to be incredibly involved in his children’s lives and to care deeply about them and their entire being, such as raising them to be confident and independent people with good values.

In addition to how he is with Logan, it can be interpreted that it’s not much different from how he is with Riley, except maybe appropriate for his younger age. Around the house, we can see drawings done by the kids and family photos that underline this. And when they all sit together around the coffee table to eat the pie, Logan is seated at Cooper’s side with his dad’s arm around him, signifying an emotionally and physically close relationship between them, as well. In the end, when Cooper confronts Rachel and confesses how enraged he is, directing those feelings toward her, it amazes him that he’s only angry because he won’t get to see his children again, once more conveying to the audience how important the kids are to Cooper, and how close their relationship actually is. Even if that, to him, is a huge revelation, which will be explored further down.

In contrast, Cooper’s relationship with his wife Rachel looks a little different. While on the photos around the house, they look happy and close to one another; especially on a photo that was taken at their wedding, there is a clear shift away from that when we see them interact once Cooper and Riley arrive at home, along with Lady Raven. Rachel seems reserved and keeps her distance from Cooper. As we later find out, that might have very well been because her suspicions that he’s the Butcher were more or less confirmed when he returned home with Lady Raven, and had Riley tell her that “dad’s acting strange”. Lady Raven does, indeed, confirm it a few minutes later and tells her that “Cooper is the Butcher”.

The movie’s finale takes place at their home again, after Cooper managed to flee from the police and FBI multiple times, having to let go of Lady Raven for that. There, he sits down with Rachel and discusses with her that he figured out how the authorities even got wind of him being at the concert because he knew it couldn’t have been his own mistake, as he’s too meticulous about that, in order to keep his two lives separate. Rachel admits to following Cooper to one of his safe houses, planting a torn piece of the receipt for the concert ticket, and then leaving an anonymous tip for the police that the house might belong to the Butcher. She says she did it to either get them closer to Cooper or prove her wrong of her suspicions, as it dawned on her over time that perhaps he was this wanted serial killer she kept seeing on the news, because he was often away at night, brought home jewellery that he made up lies about where he got the items from, and smelled of cleaning fluid used at hospitals, rather than the one he would use at the fire department.

Throughout the entire conversation, it is evident that Rachel, while terrified, is also grieving. She just lost her husband and the picture perfect family life she had built with him over the years, and is now confronted with the thought that it had all been nothing but a lie for him. Cooper, on the other hand, doesn’t display such feelings at all. He doesn’t appear remorseful of using her this way, nor does he seem to grief what they had now that he knows it’s all gone because he’d been caught. Instead, he is angry, feeling betrayed, and perhaps even hating her for ruining everything for them all. After all, if it hadn’t been for her, nobody would have ever known about his presence at the concert, and none of the things that transpired would have happened at all. But as mentioned above, his anger is directed toward her for the fact that he’ll never see Riley and Logan again, not because he’d been caught or lost his wife along with his children. In fact, he planned on committing murder-suicide with her as revenge and to keep himself out of prison. All of these things point toward Rachel having never been more than a tool to Cooper to keep appearances as a normal citizen without a sinister side to him. He seemed to have never loved her at all; although, perhaps that was true at the beginning of their relationship for a little while. Even so, his love would have been different to what other people would feel, and it is also revealed that he seems to have never felt strongly before, which further supports that he was never actually in love with Rachel.

Since Cooper is the protagonist of the film, we follow him throughout, only ever experiencing anything from his perspective. And that brings me to my next point: his motivations.

The first aspect of this is pretty straightforward. The entire movie is about Cooper Abbott trying not to get caught by the authorities, thus escaping the concert without being detected, and also without ruining it for his daughter. He becomes increasingly desperate to achieve his goals and keep the balanced life he had worked so hard to build, but finds a dead end at every turn he makes, until the second half of the movie. He’s motivated by his need to keep Riley happy and in the dark, while wanting to stay completely undetected and get out of the venue. He can’t let the authorities even see him as a potential suspect, which is exactly why, after several failed attempts to escape, and managing to get backstage, but being faced with the threat of a police inspection, Cooper asks Lady Raven for a private talk, once more playing the card of Riley’s made-up leukemia recovery. Once he’s alone with Lady Raven, he works himself up to revealing his identity as the Butcher to her, showing her his current victim - Spencer, who is captured in a basement - and explaining to her that he can easily kill Spencer with carbon monoxide poisoning by releasing it from a small box in the basement with one push of a button on his phone. Thus, he effectively pressures Lady Raven into helping him and Riley out of the entire venue without going through the police inspections first, as they’ll ride with her in the limousine.

His motivation, after having been outed as the Butcher, is not to escape, necessarily, but to kill Lady Raven, his wife, and himself, putting an end to everything, now that he has no leverage anymore with Lady Raven having managed to have Spencer rescued, and the police and FBI knowing who he is, there’s no escape for him. 

This brings me to his motivation for killing. We know, on a surface level, that he’d been actively searched for his murders for seven years, and that twelve victims have been linked back to him, due to similar modus operandi and location (presumably, since we don’t know about other evidence linking the murders to one killer). We also learn how he chooses his victims when he tells Lady Raven that he felt “the urge” once he saw her behind the curtain at the concert, and explains to her that it’s almost an odd experience for him to feel that way, but that he thinks it’s when he “see[s] someone who thinks they’re whole”, which “can never be true” because “everyone’s in pieces”. This also explains what his victims had in common by being people too good to be true, so to speak. They were seemingly selfless, genuinely good and caring people that might have felt fulfilled with their role in life.

Later, we also find that Cooper is described as “profoundly different” by the FBI profiler, Dr. Grant, and that he’s never felt any deep emotions before or could build real connections to people, according to what Cooper implied about himself, at least. Thus, supporting the thought that when Cooper says, “everyone’s in pieces”, he’s mostly talking about himself and expecting everyone else to be the same way, because all his life he’d been taught that he’s missing something by not being like the majority of people. That leads to the connection to his mother in his motivation for killing.

Throughout the movie, we’re shown that Cooper hallucinates his mother as an elderly woman, implying that her memory is haunting him. With her being shown as an old lady, it could also be interpreted that she died of old age and that the image in Cooper’s mind is what she looked like when Cooper last saw her before her passing. This conclusion is mostly reached by the fact that, as far as we know, the murders only began seven years prior to the movie’s events, and it is often said that there are specific moments in somebody’s life that could trigger such things as killing. Supporting this is the fact that we’re told that Cooper had often been punished in his youth, presumably by his mother, whose love and approval he always longed for, which might have kept him somewhat grounded for most of his life. And thus, her death could have possibly triggered him to give into his urges because there’s no more love and approval to anticipate from his mother. We get a glimpse of that when Lady Raven attempts to deter Cooper from hurting her inside the car, as she pretends to talk to him in a way that his mother might have by speaking in a harsher tone and threatening punishment if he didn’t stop; but then she turns it around and attempts a level of empathy by calling him a “good boy” and saying that “[he] can choose to be good”. He doesn’t fall for it, knowing that she’s trying to get under his skin with things that the FBI had told her about him; but there is some truth in it.

This is especially implied when, at the end of the movie, Cooper is drugged with his own tranquillising powder and hallucinates his mother talking to him; although, as we find out, it’s actually Dr. Grant posing as his mother. She gets through to him by telling him that she’s proud of him for finally feeling such anger, and “not all of [him] is a monster”, and that “it’s good [he’s] stopping the monster”. This scene is also when he reveals that he “thought [he] was pretending, but [he] wasn’t” about his love for his children. So, his motivation for killing would be the trauma of having been constantly punished by his mother for being different and perhaps unruly, when all he ever wanted was her love and approval, only to never receive any; thus, resenting anyone that seemed to have it all together and needing to take it away from them by killing them. This is also represented in his crime scenes, where his victims are found chopped into pieces and scattered all over the location they’re found in, relating back to his comment that “everyone’s in pieces”. 

Something that should be mentioned here is that it is mentioned in the movie that the Butcher might suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) by Lady Raven as she more or less parrots information she gathered from the FBI to subtly alert Cooper’s family to his true being, while pushing Cooper into revealing himself with those pointed remarks.

Throughout the movie, there are small moments that indicate that Cooper, indeed, suffers from OCD, which mostly presents as an extreme need for control. For example, we see him neatly fold his napkins at the stadium, fixing the towels at home, despite more pressing issues at hand, such as checking on his captive victim via camera, while he's at the concert, and often repeating that “[he’s] in control”, and only revealing his true feelings about his situation when he feels said control slip through his fingers. Only in such moments does his mask break, showing parts of his true self, until he doesn’t hide it anymore once it is out in the open anyway. His OCD is not a motivation for his killings, but it is evidently a component of his abnormal psychology that might have played into his mother’s abuse and his subsequent trauma and response; although he could have also developed his OCD as a result of his traumatic childhood.

In addition, the possibility that he has OCD at all is pretty likely due to aforementioned examples, but also how he finds comfort in planning the captivities and murders, just as much as the killing itself, as he confessed to Rachel. The obsessions and resulting compulsions in people with OCD are often linked back to a need for control and comfort, no matter the nature of the thoughts and urges. Obsessing over particular things is normally the distressing part and the compulsion is then something to soothe oneself and momentarily get rid of the obsessive thoughts and fears, thus finding comfort in them; even if the compulsions end up harmful to oneself or others in some way. On top of that, when Cooper feels himself losing the control he had over the situation with Lady Raven and his family, he can’t hold back his immediate reaction of distress and anger by banging on the closed bathroom door and not letting up; eventually going so far as yelling, “open the goddamn door”, uncaring of his children witnessing him in a state such as this, which should be extremely unusual for him. Everything is lost to him in that moment, and he’s caught up in the desperate need to gain back control, that his reaction is disproportionately intense, in comparison to his usual lack of emotional participation in what is happening around him or to him. When a person’s compulsive need for something cannot be fulfilled once triggered, it can lead to such great distress as was displayed with Cooper when Lady Raven was hiding in the bathroom with his phone, therefore creating more credibility to the claim that the Butcher/Cooper Abbott has OCD.

I’ve mentioned Cooper’s relationship with his children and his realisation that he’s capable of deeper feelings and connections a few times already, and now I’d like to take a closer look at that revelation and the conflict it created for Cooper throughout the entire film.

As stated above, Cooper’s youth consisted of being punished by his mother, not receiving the love, care and approval he needed and longed for, which later translated to a trauma response that led him to commit murders. Among all of that, there’s also that he never got a chance to develop normally as a child, which could very well be the reason for his lack of deep emotions and empathy, none of which he ever received or learned to have.

It can also be thought that because of how Cooper’s mother saw him and clearly conveyed this image to him, he had a distorted sense of who he was, fitting himself into the box he was forced into by his mother as a child and never finding a way out of it. Technically, once he grew up and made a life for himself, he could have realised that she wasn’t right about him; but instead, he was stuck in this specific image that he was convinced of and now believed to be entirely true about himself. This image that he was a monster, that he was incapable of love and real, deep connections to other people, and genuine feelings in general. All of it went so far that he had convinced himself that his fatherhood was nothing but a performance to keep cover. This entire time, he believed that when he showed love, care, and interest in his children and their lives, it was only pretense. It’s only during the movie’s events, when he’s confronted with the threat of losing his children to being found out as the Butcher, that he realises just how important they truly are to him, that it’s not all about having a cover, and that he genuinely feels affection for his kids.

This revelation, as amazing as it is for him at the end when everything is lost for him anyway, is also what creates the biggest conflict for him throughout the movie. Instead of just finding a way to escape undetected, no matter what or how, he constantly has to look out for Riley as well, make sure he doesn’t ruin the concert for her and drag her into this. And he has to stay close to her, which means that he can’t leave for long periods of time to figure a way out; even though he tries and eventually runs out of excuses and opportunities as Riley grows more concerned and therefore aware of his strange behaviour. In the end, he does manage to combine both interests by getting Riley to be chosen for “Dreamer Girl”, but it comes with unforeseen consequences when Lady Raven joins them at their home, and the movie’s finale takes place with Cooper being found out and having to escape custody several times.

To Rachel, he admits that his rage is “unfamiliar” to him, as he “never felt this before” and it makes him “feel out of control”; but the reason for it is “amazing” to him because it’s caused by the knowledge that he won’t see Riley and Logan grow up. And when Dr. Grant later poses as Cooper’s mother and tells him that she’s proud of him for feeling such anger, he also says, with pleasant surprise in his voice, “I thought I was pretending, but I wasn’t”, which implies that his lack of emotional involvement has been part of his conflict with his mother all his life, and that it’s reason for him to have believed that he was incapable of such; even when he clearly cared about his children. It never registered to him, until that specific night, that maybe his mother, and by extension Cooper himself, was wrong about him. 

What does all of this mean for Cooper Abbott as a character, though?

For one, he’s incredibly complex. There are many different layers to him that can be explored at length, and I still have only scratched the surface here. There’s this side of him that only he knows about, the Butcher, but also his childhood, which he probably never revealed to anyone before. At the same time, he’s a picture perfect family man, a firefighter, an unassuming citizen, and deep down, a hurt child that never had a chance to heal. And with that comes the fact that his complexity is merely part of being human; especially a grown adult with forty-plus years of experience. His character is an interesting one to take a closer look at because he poses questions that humans are naturally curious about and want answers to, but are also afraid of truly exploring those darker corners in depth. Cooper allows us to go there because he’s fictional and there’s no real harm done when looking into his murders, for example.

Cooper, at his core, is like an amalgamation of those serial killers whose names we all know, and who are usually described in ways that we witnessed Cooper to be in the movie; and that presents a challenge to the audience. We’re faced with a protagonist, who is a murderer, and a good father, and a traumatised child at heart; and we want him to get away, until we catch ourselves wanting that and remembering who he truly is. But is that all true? Is he truly only a monster? I think that, specifically, is what makes Cooper Abbott as a character so intriguing. He challenges our perception of murderers being those monsters, through and through; especially when we witness him being a great father. It forces us to look into that and wonder how that might relate back to our reality.

To wrap this up, what I think it means for Cooper as a character is that he’s human just like everyone else, uncomfortably so. He’s an exploration of the darkest shades a human has, but also shows the brightest lights we have to offer when it comes to human interaction; especially family. And it’s uncomfortable to witness how the dark and the light can go hand-in-hand like this, possibly without anyone else ever knowing.

[anghraine]

I don't normally have much of a sense of humor about the LOTR movies or Certain Choices (all the choices) made with Faramir and Denethor.

That said, I do find it a little bit funny that, in the attempt to make Faramir sympathetic in ROTK, it leans so far into poor teary-eyed woobie Faramir who is regarded with undiluted tragic(??) contempt by his awful and also incompetent and unhinged father. A lot of the rationale for the choices made in TTT came down to "Faramir is too perfect and invulnerable for film." But book Faramir is at his most vulnerable in ROTK, and arguably his most flawed.

He's scared when he rides towards the Ringwraiths (more courageously in the book, to be sure) and contracts the Black Breath. He's still vulnerable, but also far more assertive with Denethor especially (who is far more formidable in the book), to the point that his restraint with Denethor eventually snaps and he lashes out, effectively blaming Denethor for Boromir's death. That could easily be played as a pretty brutal moment that highlights how tragically far their relationship has devolved, despite their pained love for each other. It's not in the movie at all.

Faramir essentially insists that he's opposed to the defense of the river crossing (not a suicide mission in the book! a planned retreat that inflicts major casualties on Sauron's armies!) and will only go if explicitly commanded, maneuvering Denethor into a position where he has to back down or give the order. It's not even certain in the book that Faramir was right in opposing the tactic; it bought the time needed for the Rohirrim to reach Minas Tirith.

Film!ROTK is pretty much uncritical of Faramir (his choice to lead a bunch of men to their deaths on a pointless doomed mission because his terrible father doesn't love him is mainly treated as sad for him). The Faramir of the ROTK-the-book is still treated as deeply admirable, but he's messier, more aggressive, yet still very vulnerable at times. And there is something vaguely funny to me about going from "oh, he's too perfect in the book to be recognizably adapted" to papering over nearly all complexities and flaws in his character.

[the-bi-space-ace]

13, 16, 21 for the Bad Batch ask!!

13. What jobs do you think each of the Batchers would have in a Modern AU?

Crosshair: I think he's the grumpy manager at a small coffee shop that every employee loves and every customer is terrified of. Any time a customer makes one of the baristas uncomfortable Crosshair is right there ready to throw hands. He's kicked out so many people. That protective streak is going to make him an employee favorite.

Hunter: maybe some kind of camp counselor. Takes the kids on hikes. Is the dude at the bonfire that is really committed to keeping the fire going.

Tech: bro is either a professional gamer or he is a scary good hacker that erases people's medical and student loan debt. Ya know what, maybe both. He is a streamer as his regular job and uses his skills to help people on the DL.

Echo: I think he is either an engineer or he is some sort of doctor. I think he'd thrive helping people but would need something fast paced or challenging to keep himself interested. Oh! Oh wait!!! What if he was a fire fighter?!?! That could work! It's dangerous, it requires a lot of strength and endurance, and it very much helps people. I think he'd be a fire fighter. Fits him perfectly.

Wrecker: I think he'd like being a personal trainer. Someone that helps people reach a certain goal. He loves helping people improve their strength or gain more flexibility or confidence. That's a lot of fun for him.

Omega: Vet. I feel like this just fits.

16. What are some headcanons you have about Echo?

Oh boy. What headcanons do I have about Echo?!?! Well I'm GLAD YOU ASKED!!!

I think Echo has always had anxiety. I think he's channeled that anxiety into learning the regs, honing his skills, and trying to be a top performing (just like a lot of us with anxiety did as kids. we have to be the best so we sure do try.)

He's a tricky little thief. He can steal something right out from under someone's nose and they'd never know. He picked that habit up early on and it never went away. Sometimes he does it just to see if he still can and to practice. He's an excellent thief.

He has broken his knuckles punching someone in the face before. Why do I think that? IDK. He just has.

Sometimes he follows the batch around the ship. Sometimes he talks, sometimes he doesn't. But he tends to pace (can't sit still) and he doesn't like to be alone so it's almost absentmindedly.

Has learned (particularly with Crosshair) that his silence hurts worse than anything he could say to them during a fight. If he's quiet for too long the rest of them get really uncomfortable about it. They'd rather apologize than endure silence from him. It feels too much like disappointment and Echo being disappointed in you is THE WORST.

He tie-dyed one of Hunter's bandanas as a prank once and then hid all the other ones so Hunter HAD to wear it. Hunter still has no idea who did it. Tech knows. Tech has never told anyone. Echo will remember the look on Hunter's face sometimes and laugh to himself.

He actively seeks out Wrecker when he needs a distraction. Wrecker is great at that. Whether it's a physical distraction like sparring, a dance party (let me have my dance parties I neeeeeeed them), or some cuddles Wrecker is the BEST and Echo will seek him out if he needs to.

Speaking of dance parties!!! Echo loved going out to bars/clubs with Fives to go dancing. They had a song that they loved so much they made a dance routine to it. It came on at most clubs and they really stole the show.

With the same idea: He wasn't too sure about dancing in public after being rescued from Skako so it took him a little bit to warm up to the idea but the batch LOVES dancing and he finally caved and went with them. Turns out Wrecker and Tech can learn dances in ten minutes and love to be the life of the dance floor. Echo had a lot of fun that first night and has since learned to just drag Crosshair and Hunter into their antics otherwise they'll sit on the sidelines and watch instead of participating. He's stopped waiting for them to join. He's going to go get them, make them join. They don't get a choice anymore they're gonna dance with them.

ok i'll stop now i got carried away

21. Road trip with the Batch! Where are you going? Who’s driving? Who has the snacks? Who is in charge of music? Who got left behind at the gas station? And other headcanons you have about going on a road trip with the Bad Batch. 

We're going to somewhere like... the grand canyon or Yellowstone bc I've never been and I want to go SO BAD and I've never been that far west before and just need to go so I'm choosing a nature/sight seeing trip. Maybe some stops along the way. Maybe there's a fun amusement park or zoo or something on the way!!!

Tech is driving bc I feel like he'd be annoyed with everyone else's driving and he likes to drive. Plus he can handle driving long distance and has it all planned out. Plus he speeds so we'll get there faster.

Wrecker is in charge of snacks. He'll bring A TON. And he knows the best snacks. We'd never go hungry.

Music is tough for me bc I feel like Crosshair and I have similar taste so I'd pick Crosshair but then I think the rest of the batch would complain about the music the whole time. So I'd also consider Echo who has a decent mix of music that I love and music that I've never heard before so I'd find new bops. Cross and Echo fight over the aux cord final answer.

Hunter gets left behind at the gas station. He spent too long looking at the nuts in the snack section. No one did a head count when they were back in the car.

[fiepige]

Heya thank you so much for your ask!

I'm guessing you're referring to the deleted scene where Gwen and Miguel talk about how Hobie quit/took time off:

Since it's a deleted scene it should be taken with a grain of salt but since nothing they say here actually contradicts anything that happens in the movie (and I find it fitting for Hobie's character to abandon the spider-society while still looking out for Gwen) then I personally headcanon that something similar at least happened prior to his introduction in the movie.

When you say he was inactive I guess you mean in the spider-society (English isn't my first language so please let me know if I misunderstand/misinterpret anything you said! I'm not trying to put words in your mouth I'm just trying to show how I understand what you're writing but please correct me if I'm wrong <3).But yeah, it would make sense that he was still somewhat part of the spider-society since he's still wearing their watch when he makes his entrance:

(Also did you know that Hobie is the ONLY spider-person that wears his watch upside down??? I didn't before I was getting screenshots for this post lol, here is a screenshot that better shows it compared to Gwen:)

(ALso he's NOT wearing any watch in his introduction scene:)

(Just a fun fact I wanted to share)

About the portals:You make a good point here! We never see the portal Hobie appears from when he enters:

"If anything, he's running in from some place else. And we never see if the portal he comes from is HQ issued, or one of his."This is really interesting, cause at one point I thought he'd just use the HQ portal, but if that's the case then why:

1. don't we see him enter?

2. Is he running like he came from somewhere else? Like you said the watches are pretty precise and put people close to where they need to be.

This made me think that maybe he used one of his own watches (since I think he'd already made some at this point). BUT if that's the case then again:

We should still see him enter right?

If he appeared nearby we should see the effect his watches have on their nearby surroundings like we see when Gwen uses hers:

Maybe he just didn't want the HQ to figure out that he'd made his own watches yet, or maybe LYLA would be able to track him if he used the HQ watch so he used his own one instead and either:

Used it to end up far away from the others as he knew they'd all be able to see the effect his watches have on their surroundings and since Miguel apparently has everyone under constant surveillance he'd be able to figure out that Hobie was planning something behind the scenes. When he got there he then put on his HQ watch (which he hadn't been wearing since LYLA haven't been able to track him, according to the deleted scene at least) to cover up the fact that he made his own.

He used his own watch but it's not as precise and that would also explain why he had to run to get to the others. (Though it seems pretty precise when Gwen is using hers later)

Maybe he was already in Pav's dimension. This might explain why Pav asks if Miles knows about Hobie? But then again why does Pav greet him like he didn't know he was there (and also why didn't Hobie join Pav and the others sooner if that was the case)? In a way it would make sense for Hobie to hide in Pav's dimension if he's hiding from the spider-society and LYLA as hinted at in the deleted scene (which might not be canon though!), so maybe he hid there without Pav even knowing? And then he maybe saw/sensed what was going on with the gang fighting The Spot?

Cause yeah how did Hobie know they needed his help at Alchemax?

As you said, Gwen seems happy/surprised to see Hobie.The deleted scene tells us that Hobie gave her a way to contact him, so maybe she did and she's just happy to see him and maybe suprised he arrived so soon after she reached out? (Though idk when she would have done that, but since we don't know what means Hobie gave her to contact him we also don't know what to look for, for all we know it could've been a small device that just sends some kind of signal to him?)I don't think HQ contacted him either. BUT, we actually see Jess and Gwen talk briefly for like 2 seconds when they're trying to break the barrier at Alchemax:

So I guess another explanation could be that Jess could tell that Gwen was lying here and thus asked Hobie to go help her out as she knew he was looking out for Gwen?

But if Hobie was hiding from HQ then how did they contact him? But that's also only if you consider the deleted scene as canon. (though I don't think Jess contacting Hobie is the case but I'm just writing every theory I can come up with in case anyone wants to maybe look deeper into it).

For the moment I personally headcanon that Hobie either got a message from Gwen somehow or, like I theorised earlier, he was already nearby and his spider-sense alerted him to what was going on.

But I'd LOVE to hear what you or anyone else thinks <3

Once again thank you so much for your ask, I hope I answered it properly. Please let me know if there's something I missed or got wrong! And feel free to message me about Hobie (or atsv in general) I love asks like these as they make for a lot of fun speculation!

Also thank you so much if you read all of my ramblings!

@the-cat-and-the-birdie

[dagaan]

Aight we love a lesbian squid yes

but does she fist fight other lesbians to be the best lesbian??

Looks like she’s got her hands full at the moment…

Otherwise she might get into fights, but probably just for fun. Simple zest for life, you know.

[blackjackkent]

Rakha puts a lot of thinking into the stretch of hallway leading to Inquisitor W'wargaz's inner sanctum.

As always in tense situations, her thoughts boil down into a collection of facts.

The zaith'isk tried to kill them.

The doctor may be a traitor. Or perhaps this was what was going to happen all along.

The artifact, and the guardian connected to it, have protected them - from the zaith'isk and from the Absolute. The guardian has given Rakha brief flashes of peace.

The artifact is of gith make, a weapon, an "Astral Prism." The Inquisitor here wants it back.

There are two possibilities.

If Lae'zel is right, and this was a conspiracy of a few, then the Inquisitor can help them. If the Inquisitor can help them and see that they are properly cleansed, then there is room for discussion. Perhaps even for returning the artifact to the githyanki - though there is a compulsive, wrenching feeling in her chest at the idea of giving up the guardian's protection.

If Lae'zel is wrong and the zaith'isk was always meant to kill them, then the Inquisitor cannot be trusted. None of the gith can be trusted.

And in that case... murmurs the beast urge in her head, ever-hungry, ever-brutal, they will all of them die screaming in the flames...

She sets her jaw tightly, gives a sharp shake of the head, trying to quell back the dark thoughts. Lae'zel taught her to attack with purpose; is there purpose in bleeding this place dry?

Yes... keens the beast. Lae'zel has already proven wrong once. Do not listen. You need nothing. Kill. Kill. Blood. Blood. Blood...

She squeezes her eyes shut, fists clenching at her sides, and strides forward towards the massive doors of the inner sanctum as if she could outrun the darkness in her head.

-----

W'wargaz is waiting expectantly at the center of the sanctum as the doors slide open. His eyes fix at once on Rakha, then slide sideways to examine Lae'zel narrowly.

"My ardents spoke of one of our kin that escaped a crashing ghaik slave-vessel," he says. His voice is smooth, softer than Therezzyn's was; it carries a tighter air of command, more accustomed to instant obedience.

Lae'zel inclines her head stiffly in a gesture of respect. "Ch'r'ai," she says. "Vlaakith's justice in flesh."

W'wargaz smiles tightly. "You have accomplished much, child. I am pleased to finally meet you. I heard there is so much goblin blood on your hands that it soaks their children's nightmares..."

Rakha can see the way the words work on Lae'zel. She remembers the night Lae'zel almost killed her in her near-transformation; she remembers what the worm revealed in the young gith's head - a fear of insignificance, of failure. This acknowledgment from the ch'r'ai is exactly what she wishes to hear. Her back straightens. Her eyes go wider.

Not waiting for a response, W'wargaz turns his attention back to Rakha, who is staring at him unblinkingly. "To business," he says brusquely. "I suspect you plucked something precious from the ghaik ship. Something that belongs to us. The weapon. Give it to me."

"Don't do it..." whispers the guardian within Rakha's mind. "The weapon is how I protect you."

"Do it," Lae'zel snaps, as if in answer. "Do not disobey the Inquisitor."

There it is, then. An inescapable choice now, between listening to Lae'zel and the guardian. The two voices (besides Wyll) that have influenced Rakha the most since she woke up on the nautiloid.

But she did not come here to discuss the weapon - she needs to know if these people mean her harm, first. If the idea of the cleansing is real - if it was ever real. So she slips sideways around the question and demands instead, "How do you know so much about me?"

Because clearly W'wargaz knows a great deal about them - from far before they arrived at the creche.

"Some of your species say knowledge is power," W'wargaz says coolly. "They are wrong. Knowledge is everything. We took an interest in you when you became involved with this 'Absolute' cult. A pestilence of infected slaves - the first symptom of the Grand Design in action." His eyes narrow. "But you are lucky - that weapon you carry is the solution. I have heard it from Queen Vlaakith herself. Hand it over."

This is a lot of words, but no answers. Rakha scowls. "What is the Grand Design?" she asks, still making no move towards the artifact in her pack. She has heard Lae'zel speak the words before, but without context - and W'wargaz is right about one thing. She needs knowledge, more even than the beast needs blood.

"The Grand Design is what all ghaik seek," W'wargaz says. His voice goes cold. "The restoration of the Illithid Empire, which spanned the entirety of the multiverse. For centuries, their Elder Brains sought to bring back their dominion. Every plot they hatched, we stopped. But now they are close to succeeding."

He stalks a slow circle around the center of the room, his eyes never leaving Rakha's face. "Never before could they pause ceremorphosis. Never before could they let the infection spread undetected. You saw the thralls gathered on the ghaik ship. Imagine that everywhere. Wants, needs, choice - all would cease to be. Everything rendered unto the ghaik."

He comes to a halt again, directly in front of Rakha, his gaze boring into her. "So. The weapon." His lips draw back in a tight, skeletal smile, mock-ingratiating. "Please."

(A/N: This is interesting; I feel like W'wargaz's perspective here is better explained than I remember it being for Hector. Not sure if this dialogue got polished in more recent patches or if Rakha is just asking more questions than Hector did. XD )

"Don't give it to him..." insists the guardian, with a distinct note of desperation.

Rakha hesitates. She knows more than she did when she came in, and the Inquisitor makes a compelling point. If this Absolutist plot is a facet of a mind flayer push for domination, then the weapon is valuable indeed. But all the more reason that she cannot turn it over if their safety is not assured. The Inquisitor is offering no more cleansing than the ghustil did.

"I won't let you take it," she says flatly.

"Do not try me!" Lae'zel snaps. "Hand over the artifact, or die by my hand!"

Rakha goes very still. Her eyes do not leave W'wargaz but she is acutely conscious of Lae'zel behind her, of the tension strained between them almost to the breaking point.

Would Lae'zel truly kill her? Even Rakha, with her bone-deep bloodlust, has stayed her hand from her companions; there is something different about the bond they share, the challenges they face together. But Lae'zel is willing to threaten her over the artifact, over disobeying this man's orders.

She is loyal to her people, certainly. Or she is afraid of the ghaik. Or perhaps she is still simply angry at Rakha for her broken heart. The reason doesn't really matter. The threat is real, regardless.

And Rakha is surprised to realize, distantly, that it hurts. She has trusted Lae'zel's judgment, valued her advice, followed her here willingly. And it is all coming apart.

The guardian is right. This place is a trap. It was always a trap.

"Remember the zaith'isk?" Rakha mutters, low, hoarse. "These gith can't be trusted. Follow my lead - I'll choose the right path."

One chance. She will give Lae'zel one chance to back down. She doesn't really expect it, and the beast is already stirring in her head, ready for the battle to come.

But to her surprise... Lae'zel yields.

"The zaith'isk..." Lae'zel's head tips forward and her eyes squeeze shut, remembering the agony of the machine that almost destroyed her. She seems to be fighting with herself inwardly, a terrible battle - everything she was taught, against the experiences of the last day and whatever bond still holds her tightly to Rakha in spite of her heartbreak. "Tsk-- tsk'va! I hate that you speak the truth," she growls, as if the words are razors in her mouth. "Choose...your path is mine to follow..."

Rakha lets out a slow breath she didn't realize she was holding. "We are keeping the artifact," she says curtly.

Lae'zel swallows a hoarse groan, as if someone has stabbed a knife into her gut and twisted. "Our fate is forged..." she whispers. "Mother Gith, guide us..."

Any sense of good humor drains from W'wargaz's face at once. And - as Rakha, deep down, suspected he would right from the beginning - he draws the huge greatsword at his back. "Your illustrious adventure ends here," he growls, swinging the sword in a wide arc towards Rakha's face. "Hta'zith!"

[sakizm]

me 10 yrs ago grocery shopping: oh no i HAVE to wear my CIs! can’t leave the house without them! i have to hear what the cashier says even if they don’t say anything!

me now grocery shopping: *doesn’t wear CIs* lol what’s up guys i’m deaf so i can’t hear *buys stuff and leaves*

[little-cereal-draws]

Moon Knight aroace headcanons (pt 1)

Marc:

demiromantic and demisexual

didn't realize until he was well into adulthood

didn't date or show any interest in anyone when he was a kid/in high school but always figured it was because of all his mental health problems/home life

he figured once he figured those out, he'll have more time to think about other people and get feelings then

internalized "you can't love others until you love yourself" in the worst way

immediately after moving out, he joined the Marines and didn't get any feelings then either

told himself it was because he was too busy to catch them and there was no one around he liked anyway

would nod and smile along w the other soldiers as they talked about their girlfriends, wives, and other special friends back home but could never contribute to the conversation

on the rare occasion when they would get to go into a town, he would go to the clubs, brothels, and meet up spots with the other marines and say he was going to have a good time but was always the last one left when everyone else had paired off

he would feel terrible; thoughts of 'why can't i do this? why can't i just be normal?' spiraling into 'nothing about me is normal, no one could ever love me,' spiraling into horrible memories until he was drowning and not in the mood

he would go back to the ship and lie the next day about what he spent his evening doing

when he became a mercenary, it was pretty similar except on the rare occasion they did get to have someone, he would do it

no feelings attached, not even sexual ones. he would just pick someone randomly based on what he knew about conventional beauty and other's reactions

the whole time, he didn't feel anything besides the slight joy that he must be doing something right because his partner seemed to be enjoying it

when he met Layla was the first time he got any sort of romantic feelings for anyone

which hit him like a truck. there were so many emotions tied up in that realization. Something wasn't wrong with him, he could feel romantic attraction! but also, he only found her to deliver horrible news, she was literally the one person in the world he wasn't supposed to fall in love with!

obviously, they ended up dating and the first time things were getting steamy, and Layla suggested they take things to the bedroom, Marc said yes but prepared himself to just get through it like he had always done before

but this time, it was like night and day

was this what people always felt during sex? no wonder they couldn't shut up about it, he could finally see the appeal! instead of thinking of it as a task that just had to be done to signify that your relationship was strong, it was an activity that brought you closer to your partner, emotionally and physically

it took him several days to accept the fact that that was what people normally felt and wasn't just some weird fluke; he was genuinely baffled

him and Layla got married and then fell apart, or rather, Marc pushed them apart, and she finally learned the truth about her father

Marc isn't sure where they stand right now and if their divorce will ever get finalized but he is confident that Layla is the only person he'll ever be able to romantically love

Steven (pt 2) Jake (pt 3)

[honorhearted]

@laviexenrose

Ben had always loved a.utumn. Memories of smoke-filled hearths tickling noses, leaves crunching underfoot, and his mother’s prized apple t.arts were only a few of the many delightful recollections, and he needed that now more than ever. The w.ar had not been kind.

Along with the changing leaves came the promise for personal growth – for regeneration from all the pain and d.eath the w.ar had strewn across the c.olonies. Ben, in particular, felt torn from the inside-out, uprooted, lost, and the harrowing result was he barely recognized his own reflection. Every man, woman and c.hild lost a piece of their soul in the fight for i.ndependence, and each breath Ben took felt akin to h.emorrhaging. His mistakes, his faults, his failures splattered across his inner h.eart and painted his insides a foul red. He couldn’t keep living like this…wouldn’t, in fact, which was why he’d ultimately gone in search of familiarity – of comfort. In other words, home.

L.itchfield was as vibrant and alive as he remembered it. The orange and yellow leaves seared across the horizon like a blazing i.nferno, reminiscent of the f.ire in his heart at the beginning of this fight. Long ago, Ben had been hopeful and alive once too, b.urning brightly and throwing all caution to the wind. He used to sneer in the face of d.anger. He’d laughed at the thought of becoming old and jaded and hollow when there was the taste of f.reedom to be had.

But he was wrong. He was all of those things now, and the final nail in the proverbial coffin had been Isabelle’s refusal to write him. He’d sent her a plethora of letters -- an embarrassing amount, really -- with nary a peep. She’d cast him aside when he’d needed her most. Why, he could never be certain, but perhaps she’d finally become wise. Perhaps she’d realized she was worth far, far more than a p.reacher’s son -- a t.eacher.

Doffing his hat, Ben entered the local tavern and headed toward the one open table at the edge of the room. The dimness of the candlelight in contrast to the afternoon sun had him squinting, and as he took a seat, he didn’t realize he was being approached until it was too late.

“Benjamin T.allmadge!” the middle-aged man crowed, grinning while clapping a hand onto his shoulder.

Ben jumped, bile rising in the back of his throat. Wall-eyed, he looked up at the other man, visibly trembling. These days, touch could be a double-edged sword. Even a mere brushing of fingers could have him high on the alert and ready to a.ttack, fearing for his life at every possible turn.

Bewildered by his response, the newcomer held his hand aloft and took a step back. “C.hrist, T.allmadge, I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to scare you...”

Swallowing, Ben heavily took a seat and set his t.ricorn onto the table. “I...i-it’s fine,” he stammered. “I’m sorry, Josiah. I didn’t realize it was you.”

“Nor I you, for a sec,” the man replied with a sad smile. “It’s so good to see you, k.id.”

K.id. It was strange, Ben thought. Despite the fact Josiah B.utterfield was about 12 years his senior, he was by no means a c.hild in comparison. Still, he’d always liked the b.anker, and found himself relieved to see a friendly face.

“Just get back, did you?”

Ben nodded, anxiously spinning his hat on the table. “Yes...I’ve barely set down my things at home,” he replied. “I’m grateful to you. I imagine you’re responsible for ensuring that my house was cared for?”

Josiah nodded. “Aye. Of course. Think nothing of it.”

Ben exhaled, knowing that he wanted to ask about Isabelle, but for the sake of his heart, refrained. Instead, he pressed, “How are things for you? I imagine that in these seven years, a lot has happened.”

Finally, a sly look crossed Josiah’s features and he nodded, tilting his head. “Quite a lot, indeed,” he allowed. “I just got married at the start of this year.”

“Truly?” Ben asked, offering a tired smile. “That’s wonderful news...my sincerest congratulations! In these trying times, we have to grab hold of the joyous things in life and never let go.” Gesturing toward him, he pressed, “Who’s the lucky lady?”

“Isabelle Allard.”

All at once, any good cheer Ben felt plummeted into the pit of his stomach, churning and acidic as he visibly paled. Swallowing, it suddenly became difficult to breathe. “Isabelle...Allard?” he echoed.

“Aye. Well, Isabelle B.utterfield now,” Josiah replied with a wink. “I recall you two being rather close. I trust the town gossip about your intentions were-?”

“Wrong,” Ben cut in, the lump in his throat only worsening. “Completely, utterly false.” Staggering up from his chair, he swiped his hat and choked out, “I have to go.”

“What? But you just got here!” Josiah complained. “At least have a round on me? Your service deserves to be celebrated!”

“Later,” Ben snapped, and perhaps with far too much brusqueness. “I just remembered some affairs I need to settle, but upon my honor, Josiah: we’ll have that drink. Someone needs to toast your good fortune.”

Before the other man could argue, Ben spun on his heel and stormed back out into the dusty street. It wasn’t until he was walking away, his heart strings being shorn apart and his knees wobbling that he fought back a dry sob. Just like the w.ar had stolen his ability to remain calm, he also could no longer cry. 

--

He didn’t know why he was here. Ben didn’t know why after the news, he’d taken to their special meeting place, walking as though his very life depended upon it. He pushed through underbrush and brambles and twigs, the forest snagging at his coat and stockings as he moved. But he didn’t stop. Not until he reached the clearing -- their clearing. Yet the moment he stumbled upon the familiar sight of auburn leaves and still, placid water, he realized he wasn’t alone...

“Izzy?” The name came out as a choked whisper, almost as if Ben were afraid she was a mirage -- that Isabelle would disappear the moment he acknowledged her presence.

Trembling, he remained stock-still, his hands balling into fists as he watched the afternoon sun outline her silhouette like burnished gold. His heart ached at the sight -- of the memory of running his fingers through her hair and cradling her in the crook of his arm; of lying in the grass in this very spot, laughing and whispering promises for better tomorrows...and now that was all gone.

“What are you doing here?” Ben demanded. His tone was sharp and accusatory, and just as before, he felt the stabbing pain of emotion in his throat.

[meownotgood]

au where I help aki heal his inner child by forcing him to play all of the games I hyperfixated on in my youth

[indigodawns]

.

[onepiexe]

sitting at a greenway park bc im early lol

[jarofstyles]

Let It Burn

Hey….. now this is unhinged and dark but I figured why not give you a bit of crazy H AND Crazy Y/N 🤭

Check out our Patreon for early access and 180+ exclusive writings

WC- 2.5k

Warnings: whew… dark Harry and dark y/n, toxic relationship and other elements, mention of murder, blood, mention of an abuser (not h), theft, they are not stable lol, breeding kink, rougher sex, tattoos, a hint of anal… it’s a ride :-)

Obviously this does not depict any real people or events!

Artwork is not mine, credit to owner

———

“Did you find him?” Fingers slid over the back of his wrist, alerting him to the woman’s presence behind him. “Look surprised to see me.”

Following instruction, he put on a believable show of raising his eyebrows, letting the smile take over his face before he brought her in for a hug. Playing a role was something the both of them felt increasingly comfortable in each and every time they did it. It should be habit by now, 3 years into it.

“I did. He’s down here, red tie in the second booth to the right.” A stealthy swipe of the button of her purse, he slipped the key inside of her bag. “It should be clear when you go up there. The combination for the safe is in your notes app.” Returning to full height, he leaned his hip against the bar. His voice spoke clearly now, letting the bartender overhear his words.

“It’s been so long since we caught up, hasn’t it? How have you been?” He flagged the man down, giving a charming smile. “Can we get the lady a vodka sprite, please? Thank you.”

“It’s been ages, hasn’t it?” She giggled, playfully swatting his chest. Like they hadn’t seen each other naked in the rumpled sheets of the bed just this morning before splitting up in order to achieve the goal they’d been working towards. “I’m so glad you reached out. I didn’t know you’d be in town.”

Creating an alibi wasn’t really difficult, all things considered.

In all fairness, so was this life of crime. The natural skills they possessed had led them to this moment, led them to one another and bonded them at the seams. A couple infamous and yet unknown, their stories told all around. The wealthy clutched their pearls at their names while sitting at the same tables as them, sharing appetizers. It gave them a sick sense of satisfaction each and every time.

“It was a bit of a surprise. I had hoped you’d still be here.” He moved a bit closer, letting the heat sizzle between the both of them. It was always like this before they completed their goal. ¾ths of the way there, their finish line was so close they could almost taste it. “We do have some history, hm?” Biting his lip, he stroked over her hip. It was always difficult for him to keep his hands off of her- his one true weakness.

“Oh, stop.” She let out another fake giggle and pushed his chest. It took everything in him not to laugh too, considering she was definitely milking it now. Realistically no one was probably listening in to their conversation, but if they were? They didn’t want to leave any room for questioning. “We do. And you know… it’s been a long time considering I’ve been divorced.”

“Oh?” A roleplay of sorts. Harry always leaned into these, smirking down at her. The sparkly eyeshadow glimmered in the low light of the bar, mascara coating her lashes with a slight smudge on her lowe lashline- giving him a glimpse of his future. He loved when she got all dressed up just for him to ruin her. Make a whole different idea of art on her face. “Well, I did hear that through the grapevine. I was hoping you’d be single again.”

Y/N shivered at his gaze. Just one look and he could eat her alive, they both knew it. They were each other's world. Their only weaknesses. A package deal since the day they’d met, there had never been a connection quite as strong as theirs and they both knew not to take it for granted.

In reality, if Y/N wasn’t single it wouldn’t matter to Harry. He’d claim her anyway. Take her again and again in the same bed her husband slept in if need be, because there was no universe that they wanted to exist in that they didn’t belong to one another. It was something a psychologist would probably deem unhealthy, but considering their professions and personalities, they didn’t plan on seeing any of them anytime soon.

“Well I am.” Running a manicured finger down his chest, she stepped into his space. Not uncommon for bar spaces, people getting closer and alluding to what would happen once they reached privacy. “Are you interested?” The coy look through her lashes went straight to his cock, a reminder of the night they’d met. It had been instantaneous, like a moth to a flame. No one else existed in the room once they’d caught eyes for each other, but they played cat and mouse in their banter. It had ended in her coming to Harry’s place and never leaving his side.

His playboy days ended the day they met. No other cunt would feel as good as hers, no one would moan as pretty, and certainly no one would be as filthy as she was. Letting the passion overrun them, letting her nails dig into his back and opening her mouth for his spit, he had met his match in the back of his car where round one of four that night had happened. Meeting each other, kissing, fucking, being partners in crime? It just made sense.

“More than.” The energy crackled between them, igniting his stomach as she brought the little red straw between her lips and sipped on the drink. “I’ve got a room, if you want to go talk up there. It would be a bit more….’comfortable.” And he did have a room-

One booked under a fake name, under a fake identity that wouldn’t be traced back to them. But they both knew Y/N wasn’t going to go straight to his room.

“I think I’d enjoy that. Will you pay the bill so we can go?” Dragging her French tipped claws down his pale skin and tiny thatch of chest hair, she sent the saucy smile up at him before letting her eyes fall down to his lips. “It’s a bit too cold down here for me. I think I’m going to warm up.”

“Go ahead, Angel.” He nodded. “Room 308, when you’re done.”

——

“You are so fucking sexy.” Harry panted, the bag of jewels and cash off to the side. His hands were too busy running over the arch of her back as she ground herself over his lap, fingers tugging his belt off.

“Yeah? How sexy am I?” She purred, head falling back as his lips ran over her sensitive throat. Teeth grazed it, making her inhale sharply before working harder to get him out of his damn trousers.

“The most beautiful… alluring… sexy…. Sensual… evil woman I’ve ever come across.” His words were kissed into the skin, both palms finding her ass and dragging her dress up to bunch over her waist. “And I own you. You belong t’me. You’re never getting away from me.”

The promise would probably turn most people off, make them scramble off his lap and ask what he meant- but for Y/N, it only made her more aroused. Being reminded that there was nothing and no one that would come between the both of them was reassuring, a welcome sensation as she managed to fish him out of his pants. “Fuck me then. Prove it.” Her taunts always worked. Y/N knew how to push his buttons, as he did hers, no surprise in when he flipped them over and pinned her down, giving little time to prepare before lining himself up with her cunt and pushing in.

The groan between the both of them was loud, but their frantic need was overcoming the need to be quiet. “Fuck you?” He cooed. “Every time I’m inside of you… I-own-you.” The last sentiment was emphasized by thrusts that jostled her body. Her toes curled as her legs fastened against his lips, the feral smile on her face growing as the hand not holding her wrists together ripped the top of her dress down to expose her tits.

“Yes, you do.” She hiccuped. “And I own you. You’re mine, and you’re so….” Her words stuttered as each deep thrust got into her stomach. “You’re so obsessed with me. You’ll never let me g-go.” Her last sentence was hissed out. “I won’t let you.”

“Never.” He snarled, rutting into her poor cunt like he was crazed. He sort of was, to be honest. Every time they did another little mission, he got increasingly turned on afterwards. Knowing they pulled it off, they they were richer, that unstoppable feeling only made his cock harder and his need more desperate each and every time. “Never going to let you go. I’d kill someone before letting you go…” he let out a crazed laugh, connecting their mouths for another kiss. “I have, haven’t I? Fucked you with their blood on my hands and you fucking loved it, you crazy bitch.” The word wasn’t an insult, but the highest praise.

Y/N moaned, nodding at the accusation. There was no way either of them were sane, not in the slightest, but they were smart. They were practiced and cunning and no one had a clue who they were. Equal obsession with one another had only resulted in a secret empire of wealth and blood that they would be craving forever.

“I did. I love when you’re mean.” Her cunt was slick and hot, clenching around him as he thrust into her with a fervor that was only matched after their missions. “I love when you hurt people for me, Sir. I love when you fuck me in their blood, I love when you-“ her neck fell back and she arched her body as he shifted and hit the spot she had been waiting for. “Oh- fuck. I love you.”

“Yeah, you do. You love me so much, don't you? Think it even compares to how much I love you…” the man panted. “Got your name tattooed right above my cock so you can see that you own it. Get it wet with your cream every fucking time….” He wrapped his fingers around her waist, pulling out momentarily to flip her over. “Let me see it- let me fucking see it.”

Y/N’s face buried in the mattress, she shakily put her hand back to ride up the dress and show the stamp above her ass marking his name. “That, Sir?” She cooed, knowing it was exactly what he wanted to see. The script that marked her ass as his as he fucked into her weeping hole, his intensity moving up as she felt his thumb trace the outline of it.

“Yeah- that’s what I want. Never going to forget who you belong to, hm? Who owns your heart, your body, your soul. M’nothing without you.” His tone darkened, spreading her ass open and spitting over her hole and pressing his thumb inside. “You’re never allowed t’leave me. I’ll follow you anywhere, I’ll kill anyone who tries to take you. There’s nothing I want without you.”

As toxic as the words were, it sent her over the edge. Hand slamming against the duvet, curling her fingers into it as she sobbed out his name, the white hot pleasure rushed over her body and shook her core. Slick dripping from her cunt and both holes clenching around the intrusions, she felt her eyes roll back as the bullying of her pussy continue.

“That’s my girl. Cum around my cock again.” He commanded. “Can’t fuckin’ wait until I can knock you up. Want you full of my babies, all the fuckin’ time.” Considering their lifestyle the babies had to be put on pause until they amassed enough wealth to feel comfortable stopping full time, but Harry had been dreaming about getting her connected to him in that way for ages. “Full of me. My cum is good, but it isn’t enough. Need to own you that way.” He was crazy, yes, but he loved her.

“Soon.” She gasped, feeling as his thrusts got harder. That talk always made him more aroused, and based off of the pulsing she felt inside of her it wouldn’t be long. “I’ll let you do anything you want to me. Gonna be the b-best. You’ll take care of us, won’t you?” She panted into the air, face turned to the side as he added another finger into her ass. Her eyes flashed with colors as he pounded into her, surely making her sore for tomorrow but neither of them cared.

“I’ll burn down the world for you.” He promised through his grunts. “For you and our little family. Watch the entire thing go down in flames like that one time…” the first time they’d realized they were as crazy as one another. When he had set the car on fire with her abuser inside of it, and she had kissed him for it. “I’ll do it again, and again, and again… fuck, I love you.” Harry’s voice strained as he felt her clench up around him. “Give it to me, baby. Give me your pleasure. I’m so fucking close.”

They needed to get the fuck out of there before their signal blockers ended and the security team caught on to the looping footage. Before the bastard they’d stolen from realized the riches he had brought with him were gone. But neither of them could stop themselves from making their own fucked up version of love before they finished and got into their getaway car.

Y/N could feel how wet she had gotten him, feel the knot in her belly expand as he bullied that one spot in her channel over and over again, each pound making her get closer and closer to the edge. “H-Harry…” she plead for him, putting a hand back for him to hold. Immediately he took it, squeezing her hand in his own.

“I know, baby. I know, you’re creaming all fucking over me. Let it go. Let me fill you up the way you deserve.” He pleaded, fucking his fingers into her as his cock followed the rhythm. “Give it to me, my perfect girl. My pretty little wife, cum on my cock.” The coaxing was low, the headboard smacking against the wall and the sound of their sex obnoxiously loud as she came.

“Oh- fuck!” The man growled as he felt the splash of her cumming on him- squirting on his cock as he fucked into her, his thrusts getting sloppy. “That’s what I wanted, you dirty slut. I am so in love with you and this perfect pussy… fuck me.” He wheezed, feeling the crest of his orgasm wash over him. “Take it, take it all.” The sloppy thrusts turned into short, rough ones. Fucking his load into her, little grunts leaving his chest as he pretended it could catch.

One day it would, and that would be the day their dangerous fun on the road would be over, and they’d begin their lives all over again.

[pearlfeline]

homesick

peter parker x fem!reader

word count: 2k

tw: none

a/n: i used to write for hp and i tried to start anew with this blog but it failed lol. (might still write for hp if i feel like it) but i luv peter and wanted to write for him so bad. i kinda didn't know how to end this but i thought it was fun to write anyway. thanks for reading.

"What can I getcha?" You attempted a decent smile, though Peter could tell you were tired. He knew tired. He IS tired.

Peter, blinking that thought away, snaps back into reality. He is in a small diner, and he took too long deciding outside the door if he wanted to go inside, so to avoid looking stupid he shuffled inside and sat down.

"Banana wheat cake... Is it any good?" He lets out a dry chuckle.

You press your lips into a thin line. "I know I work here but..." You bit your bottom lip, tucking your pen behind your ear. You drew closer to Peter so he could hear you. "It sucks. Get the breakfast combo." You winked, tracing a circle around the menu item. Peter unintentionally takes in a whiff of your perfume, giving him a hard time remembering what you just recommended.

"It comes with a free coffee." You flip open your notepad again, and as you grab the pen from behind your ear, a piece of hair falls to your face.

"I-I'll get that then." Peter closes the menu handing it back to you.

"Great. Bacon or sausage?"

Peter catches a lump in his throat. Almost as if words were filling to the brim and he couldn't say a word.

"Bacon." He smiles but keeps his gaze on his hands. They were almost uncontrollably fiddling with each other.

"Got it. I'll be right back with that."

Peter watches as you quickly let go of your charm to catch up with refills of coffee. You worked hard every day just to make rent but you never complained. Peter was never a customer until today, yet he could tell so much about you. His eyes couldn't help but follow you wherever you went.

His eyes followed you around the counter, grabbing a tray and putting his food on it. You were trying to keep him from waiting any longer and picked up the pace approaching his booth.

“Oh!” You slip, losing grip of the tray holding Peter’s breakfast.

Before you could react to the impact of the floor, you were pulled up. You opened your eyes and find Peter’s arm over your waist, successfully maneuvering the tray to grab everything that flew.

“Great reflexes.” You looked up at him with bewilderment.

“Thanks.” He shyly loosened his grip on your waist. You pull down and flatten your apron. “Whew. That was incredibly lame of me but surprisingly cool for you.” You let out a chuckle, making sure nothing was ruined on his plate.

“Why surprising?” He replied. “Do I look like a loser?” He suppressed a small smile.

“No you just look more… smart cool and maybe a possible ninja? I don’t know what else to call what you just did.”

Peter lets his smile crack a little, taking a sip of his previously airborne coffee.

“Don’t get me wrong, you’re not lacking physically because you’re a book smart type of guy.” You give him a quick once over cheekily.

Before Peter can panic and come up with a mess of a response, a disgruntled old man cuts the moment short. “Coffee! Hello?” He slams his mug on the table.

“Duty calls.” You gave him a small wave, quickly making your way to the opposite side of the diner.

Peter spent the remainder of his time quietly finishing his breakfast, stealing quick glances at you.

Watching you smile even though you’re probably overwhelmed and exhausted. The hardest part was deciding when to leave. He had to go eventually to avoid being a creep. He had finished his food ten minutes ago. Before he leaves, he folds a $20 dollar bill into an origami heart, leaving it on the table.

The next morning, Peter walked a little faster, posture a little straighter, and smiled a little more.

Peter wanted to see you again. He knew not to tell you about the past, but what would be so wrong just talking to you? He attempts a nonchalant glance through the windows, making sure you were inside before walking in himself.

Peter gives you a shy head nod, making his way to sit at the counter instead of a booth.

"There's the generous tipper from yesterday. Hi, I'll be right with you." You got up from speaking to your coworker and greeted Peter.

"Was my service that good?" You flip open your notepad.

"The best." Peter pretends to study your name tag. "...Y/N."

"Well, thanks..?" You tilted your head slightly.

"Peter."

"Ah, Thank you, Peter."

"I won't be her for long, I just wanted a coffee."

"And you came here?" You snickered. You only half meant that statement. You didn't know why, but seeing him a second time was making your dreary work day go by easier.

"Yeah, in case you decided to fall again today."

You gasp, being dramatically 'offended'. "I'll let that comment slide... Since you gave me that nice tip. Even though I was struggling to unravel it for a while in my car." You grab a pot of coffee, pouring it into a cup that says 'print design here'.

"Thanks." Peter chuckles.

"No sugar?" You asked.

Peter's gaze slowly reached yours. "How did you know?"

"Know what?" You raise an eyebrow innocently. "Nobody here drinks black coffee unless they're over fifty or a pretentious student. Oh, were you afraid to ask this whole time? Hold on." You reach and dig into the pocket of your apron.

"N-no, it's fine. I don't really drink sweet coffee anymore." Peter's face falls in defeat. Of course, you wouldn't remember his order. Peter had to remind himself that he was a customer and a customer only to you.

"So, you're a pretentious student huh? No wonder I got a big tip. Let me guess you're studying tech?"

Peter shakes his head. "Biochemistry. Though, I do have somewhat of a tech background. I-" Peter almost rambles on but catches himself. "I'm poor. Not really enough money to be pretentious." He sinks into his seat, taking a sip to cover his face.

"Dude, do you know how tipping works? You can't be poor and tip me $20 after a breakfast combo from a dingy part of the city."

"You work hard." Peter scratches his neck. "...At least from what I've seen." He sighs.

"Are you actually poor?" You start wiping down the counter to keep your boss off your back for being unproductive.

Peter sheepishly avoids your eyes.

"...I'm poor too." You smiled. "If that wasn't painfully obvious by how I look."

"No. Not at all." Peter took this opportunity to take in your appearance. You looked exactly the same. Even though it had taken months for him to face you again. It's like your eyes were waiting right where he saw them last, inviting you in.

Unknowingly, you take his one-sided reunion with you as innocent flirting.

"I get off at 5." You blurted out. Why were you so inherently flirty all of a sudden?

Peter straightens his posture as if that would help him hear you properly. He blankly stares at you as you do the same for a response.

“…Are you free..? Or interested?” You throw the towel over your shoulder.

“YE-yes. Yeah. I have no classes today I can come get you of course but I don’t have a car I just walked here but not from far.” He rambles.

You visibly relax your composure as that alone was enough evidence that Peter was just a nerd without the rich snob part. Though he kept the physique of someone who would visit his rich dad’s personal gym.

“Here's my number. I’ll get you an actual good meal.” You shyly look down at your feet, ignoring your ugly, work-approved kitchen shoes.

“Deal.” He pays for his burnt diner coffee, and leaves an appropriate tip this time.

You sneak in one last wave before he disappears around the street corner.

This shift couldn’t have gone any slower for you. The wait from 4:00 to 5:00 was the most excruciating pain of consecutive boringness.

When it was time to clock out, you rushed out the back, shoving your work shoes into your book bag and trying to fix your disheveled hair that had been put up by a pencil this entire time.

You rushed to the front of the diner while putting on your wrinkled sweater to mask the smell of butter off you at least a little.

You waited. And waited. And waited some more. 5:15. Why was he late? Did you scare him off? Is he never coming back to the diner? Was that big tip an accident? Maybe he took out the wrong bill and played along today just to avoid being awkward.

“Shiiit.” You groaned. You looked around the intersection. “Maybe he’s rushing towards me?” You thought. “He’s gonna come around any second and say sorry frantically like the nerd he is.”

He didn’t. He never showed. You waited for an hour more and just decided to walk home.

As you were walking along the dark and wet sidewalk, you were internally thanking yourself for bringing that sweater, but cursing because you wanted to take the scenic route and walk to work today.

“Hi miss.” A voice called from behind you.

You turned around to see Spider-man.

“Oh wow, hi?” You’ve never seen him this close before. The rainy afternoon gave his suit an exaggerated glimmer and despite his bug eyes, he didn't seem scary while approaching you.

“Why would a pretty lady like yourself be walking alone?” He starts walking beside you holding out an arm for you.

“Well, I was supposed to leave work an hour ago.. Something came up.” You take his arm cautiously. “I usually walk home anyway, nothing different today.”

Peter feels a lump growing in his throat. Even when he ditched you, you don’t insult him.

“Except… it’s an hour later. That means it’s an hour’s more worth of danger out here.” He jokes.

You nod, not really the response he was expecting. Spider-man was not getting the same treatment as Peter.

“Something wrong?” He felt wrong asking immediately. Yes something’s wrong. He was wrong.

“I just.. I’ve been feeling empty almost. Recently it’s like… It’s like I’m missing something. Not completely empty, but enough absence to feel hopeless. I had a date today and he didn’t show.” You almost continue until you looked up to realize you were talking to a bug man.

“Sorry. It’s dumb. I don’t expect you to understand or help.” You chuckled dryly.

Peter wanted to tell you everything so badly. He was already pushing it by seeing you again. Giving you a second taste of danger. But he burned for you. Maybe the first time was a sign. This was a new opportunity to keep you safe and he blew it. He crawled back to you desperately just for a glimpse of you. To see that you were okay. Now he’s knees deep in a new relationship with you and you didn’t even know.

“It’s not dumb.” He quietly answered. Peter on his way to get you, was leaving his apartment when he saw someone being robbed. “Maybe he ran late?”

You scoffed. “For an hour? More like he forgot.”

Peter knew convincing you to forgive him was bad. He knew doing the opposite was for the best. To tell you to forget Peter. But he couldn’t. He had you right here. Like he used to.

“Things happen.” He shrugged. “What if he got robbed?”

“Wouldn’t you have helped him?” You replied, unimpressed.

“Oh. Well I did help a really handsome dude and he got robbed. Was he like an attractive guy or..?”

“He’s cute." You admitted.

Peter blushes under his mask. Though you had said more affectionate things to him before, apparently he still gets giddy.

"Well, I'm sure he didn't forget someone as pretty as you."

You let out a scoff. "Did you drop down next to me to take me home safely or be stupid?"

Under the mask, Peter had a huge grin. He was proud of you. Still the same in how you always know how to avoid trouble. He rarely ever had to save you. You were too smart. No stranger was safe from you, not even Spider-man.

"Sorry." He says cheekily.

You both eventually reach your apartment though Peter had to act oblivious that this was your home.

"This is me. Thanks Spider-man." You tug on a zipper from your bag, reaching for something in the bottom. Gummy worms

"I don't know if you take payments but uh, I was going to share these with my date. It's my lunch I forgot about. Don't judge."

Peter feels a pang of guilt hit his chest. "Th-thanks... you really don't have to." He slowly takes the bag.

"It's okay really."

Peter sighed. "Look, if that guy is actually stupid enough to ghost you, just call me."

"How do I call you?"

"Like this; SPIDER-MAN SPIDER-MAN AGHHH THAT IDIOT NEVER CALLED ME BACK!" Peter ran around in a circle mocking a girl's voice.

"And you'd help me from wherever you are?" You raised an eyebrow.

"I have pretty good hearing." Peter comically dusts off his shoulder.

"Alright man, no excuses. Even if you're fighting off a giant monster or something you have to help me."

"Something tells me I won't need to. Y'know? One of my powers is basically a gut feeling that's always right." Peter puffs up his chest proudly.

You let out an amused exhale. "You're a nerd. See ya." You went inside, waving without looking behind you.

"See ya." Peter says quietly. As soon as he saw you disappear around the corner, he zipped to the top of a random building.

"hey y/n, so so so so so so sodsdo sorry for ditching you. PLS FORGIVW ME!!! had family emergency. wanna meet tmrw???" Peter mumbled along as he typed, two gummy worms stored in the side of his cheek.

"I sound so lameee haha." Peter thought. He goes to delete but presses send.

"Man."

[brighteuphony]

Got a bunch of Sasuke-centric asks, so here we are!

Sakura has some complicated feelings about Sasuke.

In my AU, Sakura was born to civilian parents who didn't really want her to become shinobi, even though that had been her dream for as long as she could remember- and it was no secret in the Haruno household that they were hoping she'd drop out, or at the very most, be career genin.

So Sakura never really had anyone to believe in her and had to go into the academy (late!) as a civilian-born, meaning she was automatically behind in development (and status) compared to the clan kids. (I headcanon that until the Academy, Sakura didn't ever spar with anyone, versus clan kids who had probably learned how to wield kunai before they knew how to walk).

So Sakura worked hard and did her absolute best to get the barest minimum that clan kids were afforded by default. Unfortunately, her best, without the resources/opportunities, just wasn't good enough. And Sakura knew it. Academically, she was brilliant, but that's not enough to be a good shinobi. And somewhere deep down, Sakura (at the very least Inner Sakura) knew it.

It's why I headcanon that she developed such a violent temper. People who are secure in themselves don't have such explosive, uncontrolled outbursts- it's why she picked on people like Naruto, who was probably the only person below her in the pecking order (maybe Tenten? But they're equals I guess). It's why she's so quick to anger and usually has those responses OUT of combat- it's because that's the only place her violence is actually effective.

It's also why she's such a teacher's pet- she needs validation from others to try and fill the gaping void.

So when Sasuke appeared on the radar, and everyone wanted him, so did Sakura. Because if she got him, she would do something that no one else- clan-privileged and better- could do. In fact, she staked most of her identity (her hair, her diet, her clothing) on it.

None of this was conscious. She really did have a crush on Sasuke, but the seed of it was born from a very misguided desire to prove herself on an even playing field.

After all, she didn't have a clan upbringing/resources to teach her how to find self-worth and actualization through her skills (she went home, and her civilian parents praised her for things that absolutely didn't matter in shinobi reality, amazement that she could throw a kunai! how good her grades were! and how cool it was that she could jump high!)

(and Kakashi absolutely didn't help, lol), so she defaulted to what she knew- which was being a regular girl with a regular crush.

Now, as an ~adult, she's come to the painful realization that her love for Sasuke was just a goalpost. Ironically, she set her sights on someone who would inadvertently feed into all of those insecurities, and because Sakura didn't love/believe in herself, she accepted Sasuke's abuse.

She also understands that she ran into the Chidori/Rasengan deathmatch of her own stupidity, but she just can't forgive Sasuke for leaving. For never owning up. 'Cause that's just coward behavior..

Basically, Sasuke's cruelty was just a reflection of her own self-loathing, and unfortunately, Sakura just wallowed in denial and ended up paying a hefty-ass price.

So if she ever sees Sasuke again? Honestly, she doesn't know whether she wants justice or revenge. It's complicated.

Whew- that was a text dump....

Once again, thank you so much to everyone for all the interest and asks! I'm so happy we can all share Naruto rotbrain together.