#which is actually why I find it very fitting he wears women's clothing because which section of the binary has gone centuries being told

[muu-kun]

Speaking of fashion, I will eventually have the appropriate amount of time to dedicate myself to a proper attire headcanon post. For now, I only have examples for silhouettes pertaining to dresses gathered. Which at this point can ultimately be narrowed down in explanation as Muu holding preference for a bodice that does not require even just a modest breast size.

Although he does wear bralettes (which is not out of gender dysphoria or euphoria on any account actually. Instead, it is more so like a running joke with himself at this point due to the fact he's actually had an infatuation with wearing them since he was a sixteen year old boy that found a bra lying in the street) he doesn't do so with the intent of applying padding to them-- especially when considering the fact he has some minor gynaecomastia due to stubbornly persistent baby fat going on. He can deal with those, but he definitely doesn't want to even so much as imply he has "real breasts."

He also isn't one to gravitate towards those built around the necessity for breasts due to the fact that he does not wish for the attire adorning his body to appear as though something (or somethings) is missing. Which is also the given reason why even in his decision to wear what is considered women's underwear underneath the dresses similar to above, he does not engage in the act of tucking. Yes, that does come within treacherous territory per the fact that he is then advertising himself as a flamboyantly youthful individual with an occasionally visible (and not incredibly well endowed, mind you) genitalia outline in his attire. That's not even to mention the detectability of his disabilities on establishing conversation with him.

Beyond that, he's not too partial to much else. Length and material is otherwise irrelevant as long as he can freely move within it to accommodate an in-between active and sedentary lifestyle. He would also best appreciate those that are not overwhelming to the senses in one manner or another-- this includes itchiness, heaviness, lack of breathability, and so on. Textures usually aren't too worrisome to him, however, as he has been raiding the closet of his female friends (such as Hannah of @kannojo predominantly) for years, so by now he knows what he does and doesn't like with enough ease that even unexpectedly finding something is unappealing to him van be easily remedied without any fit.

The bottom line with all of this is while Muu strictly wears what is primarily marketed as women's clothing, he does not do so out of the desire to be a woman. In fact, he's asked that question within himself many times only to come up with the same conclusion each time: He is simply an aged up boy caught up in having to navigate too many things at once, therefore eccentricities intended to lighten his load have transpired. Being that 99% of abusers have been men throughout the years, and women his sanctuary from them, it became sensible at some point for him to cease one struggle for favor of mirroring his safety while he sources through another. Muu has no idea even how to be a person yet, let alone a gendered one.

That is also not to say he wishes to abolish entirely in favor of utilizing they/them pronouns. In fact, it still remains quite the opposite. At this time in his life, he's not looking to be othered more than he always has acquired for himself. Being gridlocked into a perpetual state of regression in his present has been isolating enough as is that he doesn't wish for more beyond that. It also has intriguingly been almost beneficial in keeping some of his identity centered, though, as being so interwoven with his inner teen provides connection with the perspective of character held back then.

When he was sixteen, he was very self assured in nearly all aspects in life until led to second guessing the bulk of them. Of those is one of which where he was well adamant that he was a boy with a preference for he/him pronouns to demonstrate that. And while he's been able to find appreciation for femininity that he'd have otherwise mocked in his youth, that is as far as it goes for the time being. Working beyond the semantics of that just isn't on the table at this time in his life.

Where he might go with it during Pride Month is still up to him, but, really, his focus is far more centered on fulfilling and answering other aspects of his person at this time. Generalized comfort and safety are of the utmost importance to his emotionally led manner of living. Once that is established, whether or not he opts for reintroducing what is considered men's attire back into his wardrobe is completely up in the air.

[saccharineomens]

i've been poking at this too long to care how visually appealing it is anymore. My headcanons for the main characters' sexualities, based on canon information! (has no bearing on ships.) Canon speculation below the cut.

marcille (bi): fascinated by romance and loves romance. we only see her show explicit interest in a male (fictional character (General Halleus from the book series she loves)), but i don't think she's fully straight.

falin (aro? ace? lesbian? genderqueer?): falin's only interest in relationships in canon is 'she considered accepting shuro's proposal because she was afraid nobody else would want her, but felt it'd be unfair to him because she had no feelings for him'. i consider whether she's aroace or a lesbian or maybe bi/pan, and she also seems like she might have some genderqueer feelings, based on some of her discomfort with her body and wearing certain types of femme clothing. (Also the fact that she‘s part male dragon.) Since she ends the story going on a journey for herself, it feels like she'll finally get the chance to figure out what she wants.

laios (pan, demi): he hasn't shown explicit interest in men, but similar to marcille, i don't feel he's fully straight. He’s aesthetically attracted to monsters, at the very least, so gender probably doesn’t factor in for him. romance/sex just don’t seem to be much of a high priority to him in general, but he did think his ex-fiance was cute and didn't seem uncomfortable with the idea of marriage (just seemed unhappy with being trapped in his hometown), so i feel like demisexuality fits him well.

About his succubus: He was very noticeably not stopped in his tracks by it like Chilchuck and Marcille, but that could possibly be because it just….looked exactly like Marcille, not an obvious fantasy. He started blushing and stammering heavily when it turned into a monster, which like….this boy is definitely a furry/monsterfucker, if anything, but that doesn’t speak on his attraction to actual humans.

I think it speaks for something that the succubi are able to literally read minds and craft the perfect fantasy for their specific target. And for Laios, it wasn’t just “his friend Marcille”. It was a version of his friend Marcille that wasn’t grossed out by monsters, didn’t think he was weird for wanting to be one, and was able to turn Laios into one. It was a Marcille who understood him at his deepest level that made him become a blushing, stammering mess to rival Chilchuck. Which is why I think he’s Demi, and needs a strong emotional connection with someone before he finds them attractive.

kabru (pan): his special interest is people, and he's bold enough with his sexuality to kiss rin despite not being in a relationship with her. so being pan/bi feels appropriate.

chilchuck (bi): he has a wife, and they were childhood friends, so he's definitely allo. but his comments and behavior towards senshi makes me suspect he might be bi, and just never considered the possibility due to being in a committed relationship.

senshi (gay, ace): this is 90% off of vibes. he keeps to himself in the dungeon and doesn't seem to have any need for social company, he's a complete hermit. Being ace makes sense to me, but so would him just having a low social drive. His succubus was 'a woman he hadn't seen since he was a child', but his journal implies it wasn't a romantic/sexual attraction.

namari (bi/lesbian): she is at the very least attracted to women, given her behavior with kiki, but she does make a point to say that kaka is also attractive to her, and her friends at the bar tease her about Kaka being her “new” boyfriend (implying previous boyfriends).

shuro: the token straight (in love with falin, asked her to marry him). i love you shuro <3 (but i can also see him being into men. there's no evidence to the contrary)

izutsumi: aroace. literally no question. her succubus is her mother.

[river-of-wine]

I hate the attitude that so many people in the RDR2 fanbase have that gun = strong. When discussing the women - Abigail, Molly and Mary specifically here because they are who I was talking about when I was told these things - who are, to me undoubtedly, strong women who withstand horrible circumstances, I am told that no, actually, they’re not strong. Only women like Sadie are strong, or maybe Miss Grimshaw, on a rare occasion Karen, but always Sadie, because Sadie has a gun and she kills people with it.

I know I pin a lot of things on misogyny in this fanbase, but in a gaming space mostly full of men, you’re going to see a lot of it, and the way men and some women who like Sadie discuss her has always reeked of it to me. They reduce her down to only being a gun, taking away the actual depth and emotion of her character in favour of seeing her as one of the men, because she wears boy clothes and has a gun and she’s nice to Arthur, so she’s cool. Not like Molly who cries all the time and wants to die, not like Abigail who’s doing everything for a man, who aren’t strong at all despite what they have been through because they never go on a shooting spree, which as we know is the only thing that makes a woman strong.

The way Sadie is viewed by these people also completely diminishes the person Sadie actually is. I have so often found that Sadie is only held in such favour by certain men in the fanbase because she is the easiest woman to turn into a man, as it were, or they’re attracted to her. She dresses like them, spends most of her time around them, kills lots of people like them, and she’s still very pretty, so if you only value women for fitting in with men or for how attractive you find them, Sadie is the perfect candidate. She challenges plenty of men, but not Arthur, so she’s a good one, and she’s even got a more neutral stance on Dutch, so she’s doubly a good one, because now she’s not angry with the cool leader either.

This is not to say Sadie gets no hate. She absolutely does, and it’s all as unwarranted as you’d expect. Sadie has established skills with her gun, she’s going to be skilled with it when she picks one up, her and her husband shared the work as she says. She is rash and she has a short fuse, but her husband was murdered and she’s not going to be at all calm about that. Her final mission is optional. If you don’t want Arthur to go on that, don’t make him. She got a lot of people killed unnecessarily. She’s flawed, she’s very, very flawed, and she’s also not the only character to cause the deaths of innocent people during the game. But just as much as overly criticising her behaviour and looking at no motivations or reasoning she might have had, treating her more critically than you would the men, reducing her down to her flaws is an unfair view of her character, so is reducing her down to a generic cool woman character with nothing happening besides guns and chest, because that’s apparently all women are good for to plenty of the men in the fanbase.

The point of this ramble is just that Sadie is more than her gun, she has a whole personality in there, and while I do think it’s a shame that the entirety of her character was hinged on her revenge until the epilogue since it gave us quite a limited perspective on her, we still get to meet her properly when the epilogue comes around and she has mostly gotten over her grief. Sadie isn’t just a gun and her strength doesn’t just come from her killing lots of people, and there is no lack of strength in Molly, Abigail and Mary because they either kill very few people or none at all.

The strength these women have does not come from the bodies at their feet. Arthur Morgan isn’t a strong man because he kills people. Why is that only a condition for the women? Why does Abigail coming from being a teenage sex worker, a dangerous industry at the best of times, to a very young mother trying her best to keep her family together, to give her son a better life than she had not constitute as strength? What about that does not make her a strong person? Same for Mary, same for Molly. Both went through a lot of abuse, Mary did all she could to protect her brother and Molly’s drove her off such a frightened, paranoid edge, leaving her convinced everybody in the gang who she already knew weren’t the biggest fans at her were laughing at her, and yet she still went through multiple sessions of being sweater by the Pinkertons - who, I’ll remind you, treated Strauss rough enough to kill him - and didn’t say a word. How aren’t they strong?

They don’t have guns. Abigail kills Milton, but he’s a character you 100% hate by now. Mary and Molly never kill anybody. If your one condition for a female character being cool and strong is they shoot a lot of people, these three don’t fit that, but if that’s your condition for the women, that says more about you. Stop using Sadie Adler to back up your misogynistic feelings about the other women, she’d hate that

[iamsherlocked1479]

Admit it

Word count: 1.9k words

Description: Sherlock believes that lingerie is pointless so y/n decides to prove him wrong, no matter the costs.

Warnings: 18+, very angsty, BJ, P in V sex, choking, slut shame

A/N: this is my apology for not posting as much hope you like it! But chapter 11 is about halfway done atm.

“I don’t get it!” Sherlock shouted at the television screen, jolting you awake with his movement, you had fallen asleep on him again, which of course he didn’t have a problem with.

“W-what now?” You ask dazed from your sleep

“These adverts look at those women.” He pointed to the ad you had seen thousands of times for a designer company showing off their new lingerie.

“Its just an ad?” You say confused, this is your punishment for letting him get to intrigued in the reality tv shows you watch, his attempt of proving he could be a normal boyfriend.

“Yes but I don’t get why lingerie is so amazing.” He turned to you

“Because its a way to feel pretty, seductive almost.” You laugh

“But you don’t need lingerie to look beautiful.” He added

“You know you should use that line more often.” You laugh

“I really don’t understand society.” He sighed and turned his head back to the screen.

“So you wouldn’t care if i wore something like that?” You ask

“I prefer you in nothing, we both know that.” He squeezed your thigh

“No but its meant to make their partners want them more. A treat i would say.” You thought how you ended up explaining the use of lingerie to your boyfriend who was very much experienced by now in the arts of physical relationships with you.

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It does.” You laugh “its like when you wear that purple shirt that’s slightly too tight for you” you smirk as his brow raises

“That actually explains a lot.”

“Never mind the show is back on.” You point to the screen

“You’re just going to fall asleep again.” He smiled

“Would that be a problem?” You ask

“Never.” He added, and as usual he was right. You woke up the next morning in you shared bed trying to work out how you’d gotten there but then remembered your conversation from last night, maybe he would like it if you wore lingerie. You hadn’t exactly tried that before, you knew he was probably out on a case so you got dressed with your mission clear. Finding the perfect lingerie to seduce the great Sherlock Holmes, who also happened to be the man who never had physical relationships with anyone, in a physical relationship with you.

You started out with a few common clothing shops with nothing really taking your fancy so you decided it would be better to look in the expensive shops, like the one from the advert. You browse the isles being amazed by the different styles and colours in all shapes and sizes before finally seeing the perfect set.

On a mannequin in front of you was a purple laced bra and panties set. It was almost the same colour as his shirt so you knew it would be perfect, the bra was lace and obviously see through and the panties would fit your figure just right.

It was early evening by the time you got home, and Sherlock’s violin could be heard throughout the apartment. He smiled when he saw you, but didn’t stop playing. It was obvious whatever case he was on was really toying with his mind mind.

“I’m just gonna take a shower.” You yelled not expecting a reply, it was time to put your plan into action. You showered and washed your hair, whilst also performing for the various bottles of shampoo that probably wished they didn’t need to hear the same verse from careless whisper three times over. You towel dry your hair enough so it wouldn’t be dripping wet, without getting too frizzy the next day and slipped on the lingerie. And god it was perfect, there was no way in hell even Sherlock holmes could deny you didn’t look good, you weren't one for loving yourself too much but this made it difficult.

You left the bathroom wearing only the lingerie and Sherlock was still playing, but upon hearing you enter the room he began playing a careless whisper mocking your singing.

“Was I really being that loud?” You laugh

“I’ve heard worse.” He still hadn’t turned around, dam his stupid mind palace.

“So what case are you stuck on?” You ask moving to the kitchen and ignoring the severed human limbs to make tea.

“A soldier was murdered, found dead in the shower, no way in, no way out and no signs of a struggle. Just dead, it appears as if a ghost killed him.” He still hadn’t turned around, god he was arrogant sometimes.

“Would you like a cup of tea?” You ask

“Yes and is there any biscu-.” He stopped and finally laid his eyes on you. Your back was to him, your ass clearly showing.

“Everything okay back there?” You smirk

“W-what are you wearing?” He asked, you could have swore you heard a gulp.

“Oh this little thing? I picked it up today. What do you think?” You tapped the tea spoon on the cup and turned around, he watched your every move as you entered the living room. You place the tea on the table and walk over to him, now he was intrigued. It was time to play your game. “Sit please” you push him back into his chair and he falls back with a huff his eyes scanning every part of your body.

“I- I think its n-nice.” He watched as you teased him moving your hips as you turned around allowing him to look at everything.

“But you see I’m not sure about it, could you have a closer look?” You step towards him, and place yourself in his lap straddling his legs, with your chest in his face, his hands slid up your legs towards your hips, but you pushed them away. “Ah ah, remember I thought you didn’t see the point in clothes like this. In my opinion i’d say they’re pretty effective.” You could feel him twitching beneath you,

“Maybe they are helping a tad bit.” He shuffled in his seat trying his best to do as you said but he wasn’t going to admit you were right.

“Pitty, I thought they were working.” You began circulating your hips, grinding yourself against his growing length, letting out small moans of pleasure. You watched as he gripped the arms of his chair tightly at the sensation of you rubbing against him. You moved your hands to his chest and unbuttoned his shirt. His fingers moved closer to you tracing along your leg, but you stopped your movements and tutted. “Admit I was right and maybe I’ll let you touch.”

He grunted frustratedly he wasn’t one for admitting he was wrong, but here you sat in his lap grinding against him and he couldn’t even kiss you. “Shit” he sighed “fine you were right” you smiled at your win and pushed your lips against his and began moving faster.

“I can’t help myself around you, fuck baby.” He trailed his lips along your neck going in between the crevice of your breast with his tongue, he pulled down the straps of your bra and pulled your tits free. He took one into his mouth, nibbling the nipple slightly while gripping the other with his hand.

You gripped his hair pushing him further into your chest letting out more moans edging him on. You pushed your soaked cunt harder on him, making his cock rub against your clit beginning to causing the knot in your stomach to grow tighter, growing closer to your release. He purred into your chest as your wetness soaked through his trousers, which grew ever tighter with your work. You couldn’t hold it back any longer your hips jolted as you came,

“Oh fuck Sherlock yes, fuck you’re so hard its s-so good.”

“Mmm fuck i can’t wait any longer.” He stood up and carried you through the hall towards your bedroom, his lips still locked to yours as he kicked the door open and carried you to the bed. He dropped you there watching as you knelt below him, wiping the hair stuck to your sweaty forehead.

“Want your cock, baby, I need it.” You whimpered as you unbuckled his belt. You pulled down his boxers and watched as he moaned as you licked a stripe down his length before gently sucking on his balls as your hand pumped him slowly. His head knocked back with a sigh of relief as you reached his tip again, and slowly began bobbing your head down over it, working your tongue around him before sinking down a little farther. You tried your best to swallow around him he helped by pushing himself in gently letting out deep moans the further you got. His hip’s jolted again as you pulled back and worked on the tip again, he was becoming too sensitive and he hadn’t even fucked you yet. He pushed your mouth away and brought you to his gently gripping your throat.

“Don't think I forgot you wouldn’t let me touch you, I won’t let that go unnoticed. I’m going to make sure you can’t walk for a week.” He pushed you onto the bed and positioned his frame over you, he practically ripped off the panties and entered with a hard thrust causing you to yelp and grip to the bed sheets. He pushed hard into you the sound of skin slapping skin filled the room accompanied by your moans, you clawed at his back as he fucked you

“Look at you so cock drunk, you think you can parade yourself around like a little slut in my apartment and get away with it. Do you?” He asked

“N-no.” You whimpered, leaning your head back as your back arched

“No what?” He grabbed your chin making your eyes level with his dark blues

“N-no sir.”

“Good.” He flipped you over and knelt over you, slowing his pace, taking more time to push harder into you. “Now say you’re sorry.” He slapped your ass, hard smiling as a pink gleam appeared

“I’m sorry.” You whimpered

“Good girl, now we can enjoy this.” He sped up his pace and placed one hand under you, his thumb rubbing your already swollen clit. The pulse of you clit sent waves through you as you squirmed, he fucked you hard through your orgasm

“Oh fuck, sherlock just there, thats right!” Your voice was muffled as you buried yourself in the sheets pulling them from the corners.

Sherlock groaned, he loved the sight of you being this way around him, so cock drunk you couldn’t even hold yourself up. He too was reaching his end the way your pussy clenched around his cock was enough to set him off, spewing thick white ropes deep inside of you and collapsing onto you.

He took a moment to cat his breath, his cock still inside you before pulling himself off the bed,

“Looks like you need another shower.” He held out his hand as you turned and sprawled onto the bed

“I can’t, too tired.” You say breathlessly

“I told you you wouldn’t be able to walk.” He smiled while wiping the hair stuck to your forehead.

“Hmm” you groaned as your eyes fell closed. Sherlock fixed the sheets around you before wrapping your body in a cover and allowing you to sleep. He showered before going back to his violin, this time thinking only of you. Though he would never tell you, maybe just this once you were right.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

ℍ𝕠𝕨 𝕋𝕠: Notice [TEASER]

Jungkook knows the effect he has on people. So why won't you look at him the same?

Main Tags/Warnings: Model!Jungkook, Actor!Jungkook, Stylist!Reader, strangers/enemies to lovers, mentions of toxic beauty standards

Length: ???

There is no taglist for this fic.

-> Masterlist

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

You shrug. "He looks the same in every photo to me." You tell Haru, who looks at you a bit lost.

He sighs as he clicks through the photos himself, unsure. You know he knows you're right- but at the end of the day, people like those sultry eyes and that cocky expression that man makes in every picture. You're not sure what exactly makes it so appealing- but you're just here to make him look as good as possible. And his hair looks perfect in almost every shot- so that's good enough for you.

That's your job. Nothing more, nothing less.

"It's his signature look." Haru tries to justify, his soft voice unsure, however, as if he needs to tell it mostly to himself to be convinced of it. He's never been a fan of shootings like these- he's good at them, sure, but he doesn't enjoy shooting those pictures. He's too soft to say it, but you know he finds them boring and uninteresting. It's basics, nothing exciting, nothing new. But he's being paid for this- so he doesn't complain.

That's his job- nothing more, nothing less.

"Well, then his signature look is boring." You say, leaning back against the table behind you, sipping your can of sugary caffeinated soda- the energy drink by now the only thing keeping you somewhat concentrated. Hopefully Jungkook stops complaining so much so you can all go home soon- he's got the whole week anyways, so why is he so whiny?

Brat. It's only the first day and he's already getting on your nerves- acting like someone pissed in his breakfast, rolling his eyes and staring people down just for the fun of it. And women actually fuck that guy?

He probably does it in front of a mirror just to watch himself.

"Boring, huh." Jungkook's voice chimes up, and you spot him walking closer, now wearing a new set of clothes. The leather pants look awfully tight, especially in his private region- that can't be comfortable, can it?

You frown at him. He got his hair all chaotic again- but it's fine. It fits the theme. You won't retouch it for now.

"She didn't mean it like that-" Haru instantly tries to defend you, the young man intimidated by the model as always. You wonder how he can even operate the camera when he constantly shies away from him so much. Maybe when he looks at him through the lens he can detach the person from the picture? It would make sense. After all, you do the same.

You don't see Jungkook. You see Jeon Jungkook, brand ambassador and model- and it should stay that way.

"I did." You disagree with him, however, before you look back at Jungkook. You don't need to be protected- not for your own opinion. It doesn't have any weight anyway, you doubt that someone like you can hurt this man's ego either. It's at least as big as himself, if not taller, which is a lot, considering that he towers over you despite not even reaching the standard 1.80m height usually desired. Then again, there's quite a few things you could count as not being the standard of beauty. But he makes up for it in confidence- even if he seems to have a little too much of it for your taste. "I did mean it like that."

"What am I supposed to do instead then?" Jungkook challenges, crossing his arms next to you.

The hell were you supposed to tell him? You're neither a model, nor very fashionable. He should ask Lea about that, not you. He's trying to argue for no good reason, and that attitude is starting to piss you off.

"Nothing. It's good like that." You shrug, keeping your cool for now at least visually.

"You said it's boring." He bites back almost immediately. Your distaste grows.

"I did, because to me, it is." You respond calmly. Is he trying to pick a fight with you right now? He really is acting like a child beneath all that fake politeness and forced friendly tone he puts on. "But that's my personal opinion. I'm sure people will like those pictures despite that." You explain.

He's opening his mouth to say something, before he moves when the director claps, and tells everyone to get back to their respective spots-

He plays around with his piercings, and gives you that odd look that you can't distinguish from hatred or being offended.

Unbeknownst to you, he's been trying to figure you out for the entire shoot- wondering what you're really like. Do you like softer guys like Haru more? You seem to have some edge to you, if the glimpse of your bellybutton piercing and the few lines of a tattoo poking out the waistband of your pants would be anything to go by. Maybe you're just someone who likes to be in charge.

He can't offer that, at least not sexually.

Jungkook sitting in front of the camera once more, woth the same signature look, because that is his job.

Nothing more, nothing less.

[legendary-guest]

All outfits I made for my Drakgo Teacher AU! Discussion under the cut. Lore/casual fic/part 1 here.

It was very important to me for all of these outfits to look like things that canon Dr. Drakken and Shego would wear, not just by lifting palettes from canon, but by incorporating design elements seen in the clothes they wear and finding outfits that feel appropriate for their ages.

I personally believe that the age gap between Dr. D and Shego is not insignificant, there's a clear difference in the way they behave and carry themselves in canon that signals this to me, aside from the fact that Drakken went to college with James. I'd say about 10-15 years, and their clothes should reflect that, not to mention their overall tastes. Dr. D's the butt of a lot of mid-life crisis jokes (by me, LOL), but he doesn't strike me as the sort to dress like he is going through one (this is what the villain career is for, aside from it being an extended and hilarious mental breakdown. The mullet is a holdover from the 80s, not trying to recapture his youth, in my opinion).

I wanted more 80s/70s older style clothes for Drakken, but a lot don't feel like him, and the brown palettes for many of them cross over with Mr. Barkin too much. Dr. D loses his identity with the shift in colour. He works well with deeper purples and reds, but him being listless, and honestly just plain depressed, had to be reflected in the colour choices. Even the long sleeves, hinting at this insecurity he has over his skin that I have made a point of in my Teacher AU. I've seen it a couple of times in fanfic, and I've enjoyed it immensely as an element of characterisation for him.

Chinos make their appearance here, and this Ms. Go's outfit is a slight remix of the original. I characterise that outfit, where she was effected by the Attitudinator and became Ms. Go, as something she would wear at the very beginning of her training as a teacher. Here, she has a bit more bite, more of the Shego we know and love, not as demure.

I gave her a tie in one of them because I love ties and she looks so chic with it. I really wanted to incorporate her belt from her original suit, but it's too garish to fit in with any of her outfits here, and it doesn't suit anything 'normal' or anything slightly professional/chic. Drakken's was easier to implement, more subtle.

Ms. Go palette is mostly green here for story reasons, too. It helps her in gaslighting the kids. If she wears greens and neutral colours, mostly, they won't be able to really tell that she IS green. I love the idea of a teacher Shego just seriously messing with kids' heads, I've had a few teachers like that in my life, who take great amusement in watching them trip over their words, or just outright lying to them to get a funny reaction.

The Good Ms. Go also has shorter hair, which I thought was so interesting - long hair as a hallmark of Shego's evilness - even Drakken's - so I just tied it up here. If I want her to go into evil, I can just by having her let her hair go, or if she just settles down with Dr. D, it's fine, too. It's also just practical as a teacher, makes her look put-together. Headbands make women look young, I find, there's a real girlishness to them. Ms. Go is a woman! And WHAT a woman!

Finding clothes that were professional yet edgy - o my God. The trek. Shego gave me a run for my money, I will tell you. If I had to redo any of this, I might be inclined to incorporate more asymmetry. I love her original suit, it's so striking and disorienting, it's actually insane to me that Stephen Silver designed that and everyone JUST AGREED, AND SAID IT WAS FINE, YEAH, WE'LL ANIMATE THAT?! Crazy. IN 2D, TOO!

Now, original Ms. Go has heels, and even Shego wears heels in So the Drama. Why no heels here? I didn't want to draw new feet and adjust the height, okay - BUT ALSO! She's still got that holdover from her hero days. She's got to be ready at any time, to spring into action!

FORGET THE FACT THAT SHE RUNS AND JUMPS AND SOMERSAULTS IN THE DAMN THINGS IN SO THE DRAMA, OKAY! She can afford to go to Mount Olympus and have Midas karate chop the calf and lower back pain away. She doesn't have a good masseuse/physio/chiropractor here in this AU. PRE-MIDAS! (Hm, maybe Dr. Lipsky could help with that?)

[kaigarax]

Sometimes, All I Think About Is You

Satoru Gojo x Reader

Quote: "Openly fall in love."

First Encounters

The first time Satoru Gojo sees you is when the two of you are just kids. He’s a boy just about to attend Eton Academy and you’re a young girl who’s just begun to learn the difference between men and women.

Satoru’s parents, citing his lack of friends (his only friend being the young stable boy around his age) and hoping to acquaint him with some ‘proper’ company. Whatever that’s supposed to mean. So, being the ever doting parents that the Gojo’s claim to be they set up a playdate with the family of the viscounts that live close by.

A family of six, if Satoru isn’t mistaken.

The Viscount and his wife, two twin boys around his age and two girls about five and seven years younger respectively.

Satoru finds your older brothers awfully boring. One of them, Satoru thinks, certainly has to be the dumbest person he’s ever met and the other is the most aloof. Such a pair that Satoru is almost a little worried about what might happen next to the Viscount's family in the future and he rarely ever cares about others.

Satoru doesn’t try very hard to get along with the two boys. He lets them show him around briefly, he even plays a couple of games of croquet before disappearing into the manner with the excuse of looking for the bathroom. With any luck, the two of them might forget about him long enough for the remainder of this horrible playdate to end and he can finally leave.

Truth be told, Satoru has always been a little different from the other people around him. Always seen the world a little differently from everyone else. It was almost as if everyone else stumbled around in a world of black and white while he was the only one that could see in colour. The only person who ever came close to understanding him was Suguru Geto, the stable boy and son of his family’s butler. And while it was frowned upon to make friends with the ‘help’ it would be the first time that Satoru could just be… himself.

The young boy could barely even find it within himself to feel bad as he abandoned your twin brother to wander the house. Sure, he’d been given a tour earlier but that had mostly been a quick look around. Satoru hadn’t gotten the chance to actually look at things in the detail that he wanted to.

His eyes wandered from the old curtains, which oddly reminded Satoru of his mother’s dresses, to the long line of photos left to hang up on the wall. Family portraits, Satoru thinks. All the people look vaguely familiar to one another with a familiar resemblance in the eyes and smiles. Satoru’s own family had something similar though the paintings are ones of the patriarch rather than of the entire family.

“It took the painter three weeks to paint that one.” You say.

Satoru isn’t surprised, he had heard you come in, but he feigns surprise. Suguru had told him that it was better to pretend to act normal around other people if he wanted them to like him. He had always found that annoying and pretentious but he would do what he had to in polite society. Especially if it meant he wouldn’t have to hear another lecture from his parents.

You look to be a couple years younger than Satoru as he turns to look at you. Five years give or take one or two in either direction. You’re a small thing, well small compared to him. You’re draped in a cool summer dress while Satoru personally thinks that spring is much too early. There also happens to be pins attached at the edges of the dress reminding him of his own fitting session that he would have to attend later on in the week.

Satoru hates attending fitting sessions. Doesn't see why he always needs to be wearing clothes that fit perfectly, especially because he seems to need to head there at least once every two months now that he’s begun growing. He doesn’t see why he can’t just wear clothes that are a little too big or too small for a little while like Suguru.

You take a step towards him, your eyes never lingering too long on him. Satoru’s always being scolded by his mother for staring at one thing for too long or not keeping eye contact long enough but you seem to have mastered the timing of the gaze perfectly. It’s both polite and respectful.

It absolutely infuriates Satoru.

You regard him with a calm expression that has him forgetting that you’re the younger of the two.

“I see you’ve abandoned the company of my brother.” You state.

Satoru points his nose up, “what of it?”

“It was merely an observation. I meant no harm.”

He then scrunches his face up as he leans down to stare at you. He has to lean down quite far considering you’re short. Though, admittedly you are five years younger than him and he’s tall for his age.

He notices that you’re holding a book behind your back fiddling around the edges of the page self consciously. Satoru had never been a big fan of reading, especially when he was around your age. He’d rather be outside play-wrestling with Suguru or doing some other physical activity or sport. He’d always been very good at physical things.

Admittedly, Satoru thinks you're pretty. Much better looking than your two brothers. So much so that he briefly wonders if the three of you are even related in the first place. If not for the same shape of the eyes, Satoru would have been certain that you were merely children that lived in the same house instead of siblings.

He still thinks that might be the case.

You’ll probably be pretty when you grow up. Perhaps not nearly as pretty as his mother but he’s certain you’ll be… charming? Well, at the very least you won’t be ugly. Especially if you end up taking after your mother. Satoru never really cared much for how pretty other people are but he has always considered himself a good judge.

Finally, Satoru pulls away, “you’re annoying.”

“If you’re attempting to insult me you’re going to have to try a little harder,” you say, a teasing smile playing at the corners of your lips, “I have two older brothers.”

“And you’re weird.” Huffed Satoru.

Your calm smile turns from calm to amused, “so are you.” Your lips move up more and your eyes seem to linger for just a moment longer on Satoru’s own.

Satoru’s jaw is dropped before he can even realise that it has. Not only is it the first time someone has so brazenly insulted him (not including Suguru) but it’s both the first time a woman (girl) has insulted him and someone younger than him has dared to treat him as an equal. Even most adults didn’t have the guts to bring themselves up to Satoru’s level unless they too stood in the same position as his parents.

But you.

Annoying and weird you are standing there in front of him as if you’re friends joking about a funny joke you just told. Perhaps you do think it’s a joke - which would only further prove to Satoru that you’re weird.

An older woman (likely your Nurse) runs into the room, her expression worried. She quickly bows to Satoru, “sorry, My Lord. The little missy here seems to have a mind of her own most of the time.” She turns to you with a harsh look, “did you say anything to insult the young Lord?”

Satoru expects you to roll your eyes or look away like any normal child would do. Thought maybe you might’ve stomped away angrily or made a face at him when your Nurse wasn’t looking.

Instead, your eyes soften and you smile fondly at your nurse, “I wasn’t on my best behaviour,” you calmly admitted.

Your Nurse sighs as she continues to reprimand you.

Satoru, on the other hand, is left a little shocked and speechless. He isn’t quite sure what happened but the wheels in his hand do begin turning and his heart starts to beat a little faster. He wonders if you can see the colours too.

---

A Conversation

Satoru Gojo comes to the conclusion that, after a while of getting to know you, yes you do see colours just not in the same way that he does. Your skills lie not in a brilliant way to dissect numbers nor demonstrate the ability to memorize new information or pick up skills at the drop of a hat like how he can but there’s nothing about you that can be considered ordinary either.

He heads over to your house at least once a week for the next two years. Not because he wants to, of course, but because his parents have stopped with the lectures about not hanging out with Suguru when he gives into their wishes and spends time at your house. And, sure, your older brother is awfully boring and dull but it gives him the chance to get to know you better. The strangely entertaining and endearing little girl who’s intelligence rivals his own.

It sucks that you don’t actually ever linger around when Satoru is there. You obediently listen to your brothers when they ask you to head elsewhere and you rarely ever spare Satoru a second glance unless Satoru goes out to seek you himself; and even you refuse to spend time with him unless he’s entertaining your brothers.

He notices that you’re an avid reader, always holding a new text in your hand every week. Satoru just knows that his parents wish that they had a child like you. So obedient to your elders and caretakers. So well mannered and thoughtful plus you seem intelligent and well read. He bets that you would have been named heir over your two older brothers if you too had been born a man.

You’re so mature for your age and perhaps that is what Satoru likes about you best.

He doesn’t have to go out of his way to entertain you or have to explain himself when he says something strange or different.

It simply just is.

It takes Satoru exactly two years to figure out why exactly he likes you so much. To come to all those conclusions above and finally get close enough to you that the two of you can consider one another as friends. It’s unfortunate that by then his visits stop as he begins school at Eton’s Academy for Boys. Higher education where any worth a damn in high society attends.

It sucks that he won’t be able to see you much anymore but what can Satoru do against the adamant wishes of his parents?

At least Suguru will be attending with him.

Suguru isn’t you but he’s one of the only people that actually understand him so it won’t be that bad.

You make his heart race and his stomach feel all fuzzy.

But it isn’t until several years later, when you’re a debutant freshly minted and prepared for your first season, that Satoru realises why.

It had been years since he’d last seen you.

Obviously, he knew that you were going to change. People always changed, both physically and mentally, but he just wasn’t ready for how different you looked. Hadn’t been as prepared for the change as he thought he was.

He’d always known that you would grow up to be pretty but this pretty? It wasn’t what he had been expecting.

Everyone’s eyes are drawn to you.

He knows that you must be the diamond of the season. It would simply be a crime not to. In fact, Satoru himself would march right up to the Queen himself and demand an explanation as to why you were not named the diamond.

Satoru floats through conversations, half of his attention on the conversation at hand and the other half wishing he was speaking to you. You always know the right thing to say to make him smile and he never has to bend over backwards trying to charm you. He knows you already like him exactly as he is. Flaws and all.

It’s unfortunate that his conversation with you ends almost as quickly as it begins.

You’re quickly swept away by some other gentlemen - your dance card full of potential suitors.

It annoys Satoru greatly though he isn’t quite sure why. Obviously, Satoru knows that he enjoys your company and he likes being around you so he’s angry that other people are taking your attention… right? That’s the reason. What else could it be?

Satoru’s thoughts were interrupted with a sharp elbow to his side as he exclaimed quietly, “hey!”

“You were pouting.” Suguru says.

“Was not.”

“Oh, you definitely were.”

Satoru grumbles to himself, annoyed.

Suguru chuckles quietly in response.

“What do you think of (Y/n)?” Satoru asked suddenly.

Suguru ponders briefly, “she’s a little like you.”

“Really?” Satoru raises a brow curiously, “I personally thought she was more like you.”

“How so?”

“She’s good at understanding other people and she cares an awful lot more about what other people think about her than she lets on.”

Suguru hums thoughtfully, “everyone cares about what everyone thinks.”

“I don’t.”

“That’s because you’re weird.”

“Hey!”

“It’s true,” Suguru gives Satoru a closed eye smile, “you’re weird but not super weird. A little weird.”

Satoru rolls his eyes, “like that’s so much better.”

“Let me put it this way,” Suguru explains, “you don’t care about what everyone thinks but you care about the thoughts of people that are important to you.”

“Isn’t that how everyone should think.”

“Oh, most certainly.”

Satoru knows that Suguru is mostly just entertaining him at this point. His words always have some hidden meaning to them (that Satoru is usually too lazy to dissect) but there are points when he simply says something to entertain Satoru. Suguru has always been thoughtful like that; it’s one of the reasons why Satoru has always liked him so much.

He thinks that that might be why he likes you too.

You make his heart race and his stomach feel all fuzzy.

But it isn’t until several years later, when you’re a debutant freshly minted and prepared for your first season, that Satoru realises why.

---

The Moment

Satoru is surprised when he sees you sitting by yourself early one spring morning.

Staring off into the distance in the middle of a hill that floats down into a lake.

Fluffs of dandelion seeds float around haphazardly in the air. Almost like snowflakes amidst the cool spring air. The melodic chirping of birds fills the air, though Satoru personally has never been a fan. Many of his classmates had written poems about the birds before. Talking about flight and freedom alongside a musicality that comes so naturally to them compared to humans.

It’s unusual for women, especially young girls who are in search of a husband, to head outside by themselves where any man could just stumble upon them without a chaperone. Satoru bets that you had woken up bright and early just so that you might be able to have a moment alone.

He almost feels a little bad to intrude on your moment alone.

He imagines you don’t get very many.

But he approaches you nonetheless. His heart tugs him towards you much like how a child pulls their parents down the aisles of a candy store. Eager and excited.

“(Y/n)~” Satoru says your name sweetly, liking the way it flows off of his tongue so easily. Thinks that it tastes so much better than some of the sweetest things he’s whispered to others.

You don’t bother turning to look at him as you would have done if this had taken place in the presence of others, “My Lord.”

“Satoru.”

“You really do love saying your name,” you tease, as he takes a seat beside you. He makes a face as the bottom of his pants get wet from the damp grass upon contact. His usual reaction would have been to jump up and scowl. He usually hates any uncomfortable feeling and does anything he can to avoid any such sensations but forces himself to bear with it as your warm shoulder brushes against his own. Well the sleeve of your dress brushes up against the dress-shirt but this is close enough for him. Besides, his pants are already wet now so he can bear with it for a little longer.

The two of you stare off into the distance, staring at the lake.

Satoru notices that you’re still in your nightgown. It’s light and flowy, similar to the clothes you used to wear when you were young. Hot stuffy dresses are what’s most popular now in women’s fashion and being a proper lady of good origins you do your diligence in following the fashion trends. Strangely though, the thought of your subtle acts of rebellion bring a smile to his face. It’s so subtle and detached from the main parts of society yet so much louder than you’ll ever realise.

He bets that your mother would be furious if she found that you were outside and alone with an unmarried man. Furious if you came back with the bottom of your dress soaked from the morning dew and rain.

You probably don’t care though.

Your attention is much better spent on the lake in front of you. (Satoru personally thinks that your attention would be even better spent on him.)

He doesn’t bother to look at the lake he’s already seen hundreds of times in his life.

This is where he and Suguru used to play pirates. Where he’d first been tossed into the lake when the two of them were horsing around and where he had crawled out of angrily. Where he’d caught his first frog and made his first (mud) painting.

This was the lake of his childhood that he loved oh so dearly.

But right now, he found that he’d rather look at you.

The baby fat you had on your cheeks back before he had left for Eton is gone. It makes you look more mature. Less like the girl that made fun of him and more into the woman that would send light teases his way. Makes you seem less like the girl who always carried around picture books and into a young woman that reads intellectual novels that dive into the human.

He’s a little sad. He had quite a fondness for the young girl that managed to make him mad with the single raise of an eyebrow. It’s almost like the loss of someone important to him. Someone he didn’t know that he would miss as much and a version of you that he would never get to say goodbye to.

But, he finds that he has a fondness for the you that’s sitting beside him now.

He wouldn’t go as far as saying that he likes this version more than the young child you but he would admit that this version was much more… exciting to be around. Almost like a mystery that he was working to solve.

A smile pulls at his lips when he notices a book in your lap.

“What’re you reading?” Satoru asks, pointing to the book in your lap.

You brush the cover of the book gently, “Pride and Prejudice.”

“Suguru read that book once.”

“Have you?”

“No. Besides, Suguru said it was just a boring romance novel for women anyways. Says nothing that we don’t already know.”

You smile as you nudge him playfully, “do you let Lord Suguru’s opinions dictate all of your own decisions, My Lord?”

“No,” Satoru pouts, “but I’ve never liked reading much anyways. It’s easier to let him do the reading first. He knows what I do and don’t like. Besides, I don’t want to waste my time reading something I wouldn’t even like.”

Finally, you turn to look at him. To the untrained eye it would be a look of indifference. But to Satoru, your self proclaimed childhood best friend, your expression is one of amusement. From the way your eyes crinkle in the corners slightly to how you sit up more straight ever so slightly and the subtle twitch of your lips. Plus, the most obvious and dead give away to anything, your eyes. They look at him, lingering on his face for a moment longer than they linger on anyone else's as you respond with a soft, “and what do you like to read, My Lord?”

“Comedies usually.”

“Like?”

“Twelfth Night.”

You raise a brow delicately, “Shakesphere?”

Satoru places a hand on his chest, feigning offence, “are you implying that you think I wouldn’t like the works of one of the greatest writers and minds of our time?”

“Oh, I’d never, my Lord,” you eyes crinkle in the corners, “I was simply surprised. Most men I speak with prefer something more contemporary like Wordsworth or perhaps something practical and sensible like a book on agriculture or architecture. They consider things like Shakesphere to be mere entertainment.”

“So then are you implying that you think I have the taste of a woman?”

“And who would you consider yourself akin to then, my Lord? Duke Ceasiro?”

Satoru makes a face.

You chuckle softly in response, “you must admit, the two of you share a certain resemblance.”

“I am insulted on every level, (Y/n).”

“I’m sure you are.”

“I am!” Satoru exclaims, waving his arms above his head, “I am most like the honourable Sebastian.”

“Ah yes, Viola’s twin brother.”

Satoru nods.

“Well, he’s certainly an opportunist.”

“Would you not marry a beautiful woman that you just met and is seemingly in love with you?”

You hum softly as you ponder on the idea.

Satoru remembers how he had dragged Suguru to the play house that day. He had originally gone because there was a particular woman that he wanted to promenade with after but had actually found the show to be quite enjoyable. Suguru was absolutely furious with him but even he had a few chuckles at some moments.

“What was your favourite part about Twelfth Night?” You ask, leaning against him.

“The love triangle.”

“Well, it certainly isn’t the traditional kind of love triangle.”

“A true love triangle, I’d say.”

“The kind you’d like to find yourself in?” You tease.

Satoru shrugs in response.

From where Satoru sat he could see a small group of birds gathering around. They reminded him a bit of the Ton. So easily swept up into a single moment and conversation without much consideration about the world around them. Much thought and consideration is never put into everything else that this world has to offer.

“What kind of stuff do you like to read?” Satoru asks.

You smile, “you mean apart from the book in my hand?” Satoru can tell from the way you lean back away from him with a gleam in your eyes that you’re teasing him.

So he decides to tease you back.

He leans in towards you with a grin, “you and I both know you’re only reading that because it’s popular. It’s not what you actually like to read.”

“And what do you think I like to read?”

“Wouldn’t have asked if I knew the answer.”

“Alright, I’ll bite, Satoru.”

He beams brightly when you say his name.

“The last thing I read for my own enjoyment was, Thomas De Quincey’s, Confessions of an Opium Eater.”

Satoru’s jaw drops, “the drug addict poet?”

“Most writers struggle with addiction.”

“What do you like about De Quincey’s works?”

“He wrote quite a particularly thought provoking piece about the human mind. Looking into the subconscious.”

“Oh?”

“He writes, ‘dreams are the unconscious mind finishing the halted thoughts of the conscious.’”

“A Romantic for sure.”

You beam, “oh, most definitely.”

Satoru thinks that this is the first time he’s ever seen you smile in such a way. If he weren’t already sitting he would have fallen flat on the ground. His heart would have stopped in his chest and he likely would have fallen to the ground and died only then to be once again revived by your beauty.

He thinks that this is where humanity must have peaked. That there will never again be someone that looks as beautiful as you do when you’re smiling. That no one will ever hold such a place in his heart that you do.

He leans towards you with a lovesick smile, “I’m going to marry you.”

You cough a little, “excuse me?”

His smile doesn’t falter, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

“Why me?”

“You understand me.”

“Hm?”

“You see the world in a way that everyone else doesn’t and you see me for who I am. Not who everyone else thinks that I should be.”

“My Lord-”

“Satoru.” He corrects.

“Satoru,” you lean away, “don’t you think you’re being a little hasty? We’ve barely even had a full conversation since you came back from school.”

“And?”

“You barely know who I am.” You look hesitant, the mask you always wear slipping as if you’ve never worn it before.

He takes your hand before you can bolt off (he hopes that it comforts you the same way it comforts him), “I know that you understand my loneliness. You know how it feels like for the whole world to want you to be a certain way. You’ve perfected the way of living from the way you move to the smile on your face to be exactly what society expects of you.” He feels as though his heart is beating a million beats a minute.

Your expression shifts a little.

Going from hesistance -

- to surprise.

And then suddenly Satoru doesn’t know what it is that you’re exactly thinking right now. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen this expression on you and it worries him a little. His heart is fluttering in anticipation.

Satoru doesn’t think he’s ever been in such an uncomfortable situation before.

Well… there was that one time where Suguru had hidden Satoru’s favourite riding helmet as payback for something stupid he said earlier. In an attempt to make it seem like he wasn’t bothered, Satoru had gone off with a different helmet and messed up almost everything. Nothing seemed right. His horse, even though it was his favourite steed that he had ridden since he was a boy, just wasn’t listening the way it usually did. He actually almost fell off his horse twice (and actually did fall off once while in the middle of getting on).

Yeah, Satoru thinks, this feeling is a little something like that.

“Satoru.” You hold his hand tightly.

“Hm?”

“Be here with me.”

“I am here.”

“Stay in the moment with me,” you say softly, “your mind keeps drifting elsewhere.”

Satoru’s heart flutters as he smiles down at you fondly, “okay.”

Yeah.

He’s most definitely falling in love with you.

No.

He has fallen in love with you.

He’s going to marry you.

Openly, fall in love.

[dance-like-an-idiot]

hi @madebyteenagefury i ended up making the dykesettos timeline poetic as hell and 2765 words long so i thought i would be a lot better if i made a new post for it

if you're new here go read this :3 context to where this au all started

lastly, she/her only for marvin and any for whizzer! everything under this cut is a hypothetical timeline for transfem marvin and gnc whizzer for dykesettos :D

marvin always knew that she liked lipstick and feminine things but she assumed her jealous adoration for those wearing it was a mix of attraction and misogyny to those things ("doesn't every man feel this way? since women are hot and also weak" ←simplifed) marvin didn't start experimenting until she felt kinda secure (?) in a little delusion of being cishet with a wife and son. (like "yes i am a strong man i love my wife and my son and my life.") and it took a Long time (i assume it must have started one time when she was drunk and had trina's lipstick on her lips from a kiss and she might've taken some lipstick and tried it out) before she actually started to consciously do it.

Also, i imagine marvin struggles with her sexuality so much that she can't tell the difference between when she's jealous and when she's attracted. she finds out trina likes her so they go out but trina gets pregnant so they're stuck together which trina is learning to be happy about but marvin isn’t. marvin Definitely likes women (especially some more genders cough whizzer) though, mostly in a physical way and doesn't find herself finding many of her date's personalities appealing (cause lets be honest who would marvin actively like that isn’t whizzer?). back to the regularly scheduled shit!!

most of her experience being feminine was while drunk and all of it was while thoroughly hating herself and what she was doing. she would try on trina's clothes in the middle of the night (they wouldn't fit) and assumed for a while her body dysphoria (of looking at her very masculine body in a mirror) was actually proof of her not being trans.

at this point marvin still hates herself for wearing women's clothes but has been doing it in secret at most twice a month since jason could talk, jason is 8-9; i assume when she meets whizzer she's finds herself heading to a gay bar (and she may or may not have put on some of trina's makeup because isn't that apart of the bar scene? and maybe she found some clothes of hers (and shamefully trina's) that look androgynous because the outfit would look bad otherwise) on a day where whizzer is fem and through various hook ups with them figures out that he's trans and gets pretty disgusted (cause sure she might like whizzer more than she's ever liked trina but she isn't gay and whizzer is a woman anyways. no matter how hot he looks with an undercut and sharper jaw. they're lucky she isn't a man if anything, it's been hell for marvin) so marvin for a while (still experimenting throughout) still thinks that she's straight because whizzer is Definitely Not A Man. (which they aren’t but that doesn’t make marvin straight)

whizzer here first assumes that marvin is a baby trans and they like women and money so why not? once again while hooking up she finds out marvin is transphobic and doesn't understand what they are but whizzer stays because she can be very sweet and kind to him and dammit if whizzer wasn't attracted as hell to marvin when they first met (and the sex is good) 

anyways when the divorce is finalized whizzer starts to force marvin into his fem clothes so that marvin can stop being transphobic ("oh noo i can't wear a dress cause you just got it dirty :(((" "then do the damn laundry") and cause she thinks marvin looks hot (read; happier) when she's feminine. marvin spends more and more nights where she takes whizzers dresses and skirts into the bathroom and tries them on to look at herself because she’s ashamed about how much she likes doing it. luckily whizzer has a lot of makeup but they would kill her if she touched it so she usually puts on whizzers mascara and sometimes liner if there's a new pack of makeup wipes. 

during jason’s therapy era; whizzer suspects something is happening (she is very particular about their makeup) but she talks to marvin about her using his makeup after they both Mysteriously Get Pink Eye (don't share mascara folks) it's a rare gentle moment from whizzer when she finally put its all together; that a lot of marvin's bullshit is from her internalized transphobia being mixed with her misogyny and her own trans-ness, but they also Really Aren't Sure how he can help with that. So.

anyways whizzer asks marvin if she likes how she looks when wearing makeup and when after a long time of marvin denying it all, she very reluctantly nods yes. so whizzer does her makeup, gets her in a dress, and styles her (very short) hair. she's wearing heels, her legs are shaved, she has a bra stuffed with socks on, and her face looks soft... she looks like a woman for the first time ever. and even though it’s 4 am, she has to drive to work in 3 hours, her head hurts from the tight headband whizzer found for her, and her brain feels uprooted and instincts petrified, she's never felt so happy in her life. then they kiss or something idk.

marvin kinda knows that she's a woman now (in the way of “oh i might not like being a man but i might be faking it and i don't want to be a woman (misogyny)”) she talks to whizzer about it but it leads to fights cause despite all of her inner conflict she's still marvin and can't be wrong about anything ever. she is also, through these fights, is learning more about how whizzer sees their own gender and really doesn't understand it (tbf whizzer doesn't either) they still fight about it but with marvin realizing she might be like whizzer the tone is very different and i'm not sure how to describe it. 

anyways mendel’s proposal fucks up her self discovery journey cause shes a little more focused on gaining control in her life rather than self discovery just by her own nature. she still loses whizzer, still loses trina, and still tries to be better to jason. AND STILL MEETS THE LESBIANS FROM NEXT DOOR YEAHHHHH!!!!! 

in the two years marvin starts to feel much more confident as herself. she prioritizes her constant need for control (cause it cost her literally everything) as well as being an active figure in jason's life, and then works on her misogyny and transphobia. it's at the bottom of her list because, first of all; jason is her damn world and she's generally not being an asshole anymore so self discovery can come later. and second; she's Very Fucking Scared. but finally, after living next to the lesbians for 8 months (act 1 ended 3 months ago) and realizing that they're wonderful people who work well together despite being women, she starts to visit more and more often. 

whizzer (sadly) took all of their makeup and clothes when she was kicked out so marvin has been stranded since then in terms of looking feminine (and being happy). so marvin has been trying to work up the courage to go shopping for Girl Clothes (absolutely terrifying, everyone will be able to tell she's trans (is she??) and they'll probably drag her out the store and beat her) or ask the lesbians if she can borrow clothes (absolutely terrifying, what if they say no? what if they think she's faking it? what if she is? what if they don't want to be friends and marvin starts to subconsciously revert back to how she felt as a teen, undoing all her progress and making everything worse?) 

she doesn't end up asking though because they give her an invitation to a girls night (being friends for 7 months) where they all paint their nails, do each other's makeup, style each other's hair, and maybe do some demon summonings. charlotte and cordelia offered because they know how much marvins been working on herself (especially the misogyny). they didn't do this thinking she was trans, though. 

they had suspicions early on that she was trans. because before they were friends, they had seen her with makeup on her face, sometimes wearing clothes with figure-framing necklines, and jewelry, sometimes hidden under clothes. since they hadn't seen any of that in 10 months, the thought had pretty much left their mind, and the only thing that could signal to her femininity was her growing out her hair. 

anyways GIRLS NIGHT WAS A SUCCESS!! marvin had so much fucking fun with the lesbians and had so much fucking fun playing around and doing feminine things and she could never have done it without them. she doesn't want to give in at first, her only shared feminine experiences had been with whizzer, because there is something fundamentally different about being with charlotte and cordelia. they notice how she doesn't wanna give in (and they Know its her misogyny) so cordelia takes her hand and simply asks her “purple or red?” holding up two nail polishes. marvin lets herself go then as cordelia paints her nails a deep red, an aretha franklin vinyl playing as charlotte and cordelia's high voices sing along, assisted by spikey dance moves whenever marvin’s nails need to dry. eventually her shoulders are fully relaxed and she is forced into learning the lyrics once her nails are dried. she tells them she really likes doing these things. she was trying to tell them she’s trans. it was still a great day though

so marvin hasn't fully accepted herself or fully gotten rid of the transphobia and misogyny but she's done a lot of fucking work!! they all go shopping for women's clothes together, they find marvin her own set of makeup and cordelia teaches her how to do her makeup and hair care when they find the time. when charlotte has free days they all hang out together and listen to more iconic women’s albums and marvin gets taught feminine mannerisms, like sitting and walking and standing. every time she sees herself in a mirror she looks more and more like a woman. 

she and cordelia work on her girl voice every week now, and when they hang out each day is ended with cordelia giving her cooking lessons because dammit she wants to show marvin how to cook and bake!! and now with jason being around every weekend, its getting harder and harder to try and hide who she is… but jason doesn’t need to learn about what his father does in his free time. marvin doesn’t want him to know. but she cooks him dinner now, so he might know, and he might tell trina and mendel, and either of those two find out her life will be ruined. 

15 months without whizzer and when jason asks about her the first thing marvin does is make jason realize that whizzer is transgender and she may just have a heart attack. jason tells her he had suspicions but “didn’t know you liked being around those people.” marvin scoffs and almost outs herself (for what? she's not trans) but in the end, as the conversation is ending, jason asks marvin what the makeup in the bathroom is from and she can see the cogs turning in her son's head as he starts to realize who his mother is. marvin doesn’t know what she is (she does)

jason is gone the next weekend for a sleepover and marvin spends it all next door crying (only a little bit) on their couch with wine in her hands and she looks so fully like a man right now her skin is grating to feel and the three of them head into marvins apartment because they are going to store away her guy clothes and she is going to be a woman (pointedly avoiding that phrasing because marvin freezes whenever either of them suggest her being a woman) so they do just that, and marvin gets herself ready while the lesbians wait in the living room, drinking the wine they retrieved from their apartment. 

marvin is having an internal crisis as she gets herself ready just like she’s done more than a hundred times before. it feels easy for her to slip her arms into a dress and to apply lipstick. it feels like it matters far more than it should. she caps the lipstick and sees herself in the mirror. she is a woman… she might cry, but she feels too strongly for that to stop her and she whispers those words to herself. and she’s a woman. and she really likes when people call her “she.” she walks out to the lesbians and they cheer at her appearance and marvin repeats those same words to them. and now she's being hugged so she cries because she can’t think of anything as wonderful as this. she’s never been so loved by anyone. she loves love. and she's a woman. she loves that most of all, and this time her fear is lesser than her love. 

the week from there is spent with marvin trying to hype herself up into having that conversation with jason which scares her but the lesbians confiscated her male clothes which she is incredibly happy and terrified about because she doesn’t think she passes very well and work is going to be a nightmare when she has to avoid everyone in the office but at least nothing happened when she was wearing makeup so she doesn’t think she is in immediate danger if someone puts 2 and 2 together but jason is coming over any second now since school ended an hour ago but jason has been hanging out with some friends after school recently and misses the first train and there's a knock at her door and she hasn’t told her son she's a woman yet— 

jason is taken aback when she opens the door but his face settles in recognition and asks her “are you my mom now?” marvin’s eyes shine with tears as she responds, “i always have been kid, but now i know that too.” marvin opens her arms for a hug and jason falls into his mother’s arms (reluctantly, but marvin wouldn’t have him any other way.) 

over a year and a half after act 1; marvin is out to herself, cordelia, charlotte, and jason. trina, mendel, her boss and a few coworkers must know too but none of them have brought it up and she won't either. she's very happy but she misses whizzer a lot and things are overall very good for her. a lot of growth has been done and there have been a few encounters with people but she avoids most of them by not going out late (she doesn’t want to anyways, the lesbian wine nights are much better) 

marvin has been going to jason’s baseball games since the season has started and she really hates them because it’s so boring and also cause all the other members of jason’s cheer squad seem to be invested in the game. whizzer shows up one day and for a second she hardly recognizes her. they haven’t changed in appearance much, but whizzer has been known to use makeup to exaggerate certain features of his depending on the day and today is no different. whizzer looks hot. incredibly so. and marvin wants to surround herself with whizzer. 

whizzer on the other hand knew that marvin was probably going to be at jason’s game. the kid hadn’t hidden it when he offered whizzer to join him, and whizzer was hesitant but ultimately couldn’t say no to him. they spent 2 hours getting themselves ready for the game. but he convinced herself that she was going to go to support jason first and foremost, and also to show marvin how good they were without her. whizzer was not expecting marvin to be fully presenting as a woman, instead he pictured marvin with deep eyebags, stupidly short hair, and the least flattering sweatshirt they’ve seen in her life. instead whizzer saw a woman, saw marvin. and really, it was already over for them. 

then they’re happy and nothing bad happens even though im thinking about them being really involved in the aids crisis in protests and stuff i honestly think that marvin’s self discovery ends here and i think im better suited to write one shots of them being happy then grasping for ideas that i can’t explain as well as i could. but yeah! 2765 words of self discovery YIPPEE hope you enjoyed i love them so much my god

[splinnters]

*holds up transfem Nya*

This, with supportive older brother Kai or transfem Nya × bisexual Jay?

fun fact anon! I thought I dreamt this ask and did not realize it was real! also yessss transfem Nya is an icon we love her <333

transfem nya pride month headcanons!

Nya uses she/they pronouns :]

she’s used she/her since she was very little. Kai called her “my little brother” to a customer and she threw a fit. he stopped doing that… forever 

when they and Kai eventually found their parents again, Ray caught on immediately and copied what name and pronouns Kai used for them. Maya took a while longer and some explaining before she wrapped her head around it. once she understood, though, she never messed up even once

when they were younger, Nya and Kai both wore basically the same thing: white shirt, trousers, and a work apron. Kai worked hard to buy Nya her first dress. he bought it big so that she could wear it for longer

Nya learned to sew from one of their and Kai’s neighbors, so they started making their own clothes and keeps doing it to this day. it’s easier to find things that will fit them and things they like if they just make them on their own

once she grew out her hair and started hormones, she dressed more the way she wanted, which was more androgynous than all the dresses she used to wear. Kai teases her about her leather jacket until she gets him one, too

Nya didn’t mention much about being trans to the other ninja except in passing conversation because, well, who cares? they DID tell Jay the whole story when the two started dating and Jay was a lot more chill about it than they expected (“I’m bisexual so it doesn’t matter what gender you are :D”)

Jay actually got really into the spirit and likes to buy Nya trans-themed stuff for fun. secretly they think it’s adorable 

Nya and Kai started using they/them pronouns at the same time because they both had been thinking about it and brought it up to the other. she/they and he/they solidarity 

Nya’s type in women is… women <3 Nya’s type in men is Jay (scrawny annoying nerdy guys with anxiety) 

Nya, Kai, and Lloyd become the trans friend-force when Lloyd comes out to them first (he/they, she/they, he/she/they). privately, Lloyd tells Nya she’s the reason why he felt okay telling people she was trans

Jay and Kai team up to surprise Nya with money for any gender-confirming surgeries they want. they DEFINITELY do NOT cry (they do). all of the ninja team helped and they have a little party when the time comes

Nya and Cole go on homophobe/transphobe punching sprees together at pride >:)

[transbeeduo]

ever since my fat cbee posts i have been on a roll [hi hello im the fat cbee anon here to say ive been sending so many anon asks its so funny but youve just got my brain rolling so much. 10/10 would anon again. always get addicted to my favorite blogs and send like 10 anons a week. dang it. i see a pattern.] anyway im not every single anon, but a chunk of em, yeah! love sending anons about my brain juices late at night and waking up and reading answers n stuff. always fun.

anyway hi can you imagine a Michael who is very much so malnourished when cbee first find him in the Nether. and like his ribs are showing and theres so many bones showing, which isnt a joke because he literally has a hole in his head where you can see his skull and see his bones n stuff. and when cbee takes him home Tubbo and Ranboo make sure to feed him so so much and food he enjoys and stuff. because Tubbo was malnourished as a kid and it was Not Fun. and Ranboo doesnt know much but they sure do know they dont like the look of rib cages peeking through skin and bony arms and gaunt faces [thats why they keep their fur long enough that it covers their ridges and bumps before they gain weight but also not too long because it is considered 'unruly' to have long fur, at least back when they were a child in the End (thats one of the only fragments they remember. think of it like the stigma around body hair on women/fem people.)]

and so eventually Michael starts gaining healthy weight, and all of a sudden, the bones that arent supposed to be visible through his skin [not the holes. hes part zombie i know but zombies aren't supposed to be really thin when someone is only part zombie.] and Tubbo and Ranboo have to find new dresses* and sweaters and pants n stuff for Michael because he's actually growing! i imagine he might be a bit stunted, not quite reaching his full height because of the lack of nutrients he had during a very important development stage for gods know how long, but he does grow, and thats all that matters. hes got healthy chub and hes not so fragile anymore.

*imagining cbee as parents who buy whatever clothes are cute and fit their children, completely ignoring the fact that dresses and skirts are traditionally girl clothes because have you seen the two. those are not cis and whoever thinks they are are silly. they let their children pick out whatever clothes they find cute and comfortable. so if Michael or Wizard or Bug [do Wizard and Bug even wear clothes... thats a weird question but i mean. only ever seen Bug with fur n stuff but no clothes.. whatever] wanna wear a pretty pink skirt or a t-shirt with monster trucks on it, cbee dont care. this is also partly because Tubbo and Ranboo werent entirely allowed to wear whatever they wanted when they were younger [mainly Tubbo but still] and they want their children to have to choice to pick

HAIIII ANON THIS ASK IS SO GOOD THANK YOU (also yes bug does infact wear clothing! Just their ref doesn’t have clothing LMAO i promise Beeduo give their kids clothing)

BUT YEAH THIS IS HONESTLY REALLY FUCKING CANON TO ME there’s NO way that Michael was getting properly fed in the Nether considering it was literally BY HERSELF and ALSO A BABY. And Tubbo would TOTALLY have that like “oh fuck i cant give this baby the same childhood of being malnourished that i had” thought yk (ranboo not realizing they’re malnourished makes me so sad but is so fucking accurate wow) this ask rules thank you

[trillscienceofficer]

I think, about romulan women, I read it on startrek.com.

Oh so you're SERIOUS serious

The one article I could find on StarTrek.com about Romulan women & their presentation is this one

but if it's the one you mean I think you're misremembering it a bit because it actually talks more about the association we usually make between shoulder pads and the authority that women in position of power specifically hold:

[T]he shoulder pads endow Troi’s character with unprecedented confidence and air of authority even under adverse circumstances. While Marina Sirtis still appears quite feminine as Major Rakal, there is no denying that when her character woke up in the bulky Romulan uniform, Troi owns her newfound authority and utilizes her position as a Tal Shiar agent to intimidate her foes and complete her mission. The shoulder pads function to empower Troi with a more masculine silhouette without eclipsing her femininity. Major Rakal sitting in the Commander’s chair of the Romulan warbird with her imposing shoulders starkly contrasts Councilor Troi’s usual seat to the side of Captain Picard wearing a form-fitting catsuit.

the article also goes on to say that there's quite a bit of continuity in costuming choices between TNG and Picard (uh, spoilers for Picard S1 I guess):

The infamous shoulder pads make a comeback in Star Trek: Picard to emphasize the formidable power of Picard’s new Romulan foes, namely Narissa and Oh. These two women characters are introduced early in the series as undercover Romulan operatives in Starfleet working for the shadowy Zhat Vash. After Narissa and Oh reveal their true identities, they don the iconic shoulder pads in later episodes. In “Broken Pieces,” viewers obtain insight into Narissa’s traumatic past explaining why she joined the secret sect of the Tal Shiar with her aunt Ramdha. In the scene where they experience the ‘Abomination,’ or vision on Aia they are wearing dark robes with triangular leather shoulder pieces attached to the outside of their tunics. This new external interpretation of the shoulder pad returns during the season finale, “Et in Arcadia Ego Part 2” when Commodore Oh exchanges her Federation Head of Security Uniform for a sleek black Romulan military ensemble.

There's also no mention at all of what you were saying about women losing their womanhood... The article just says this

The 24th century Romulans have less colorful gender-neutral uniforms which denote several aspects of Romulan society. The Romulan uniform’s gray bulky tunics and straight slacks indicate that Romulans are practical and militant. Unlike the Starfleet uniforms in TNG, they are loose fitting and do not emphasize the waist, hips or chest. A departure from TOS, Romulan women characters are not sexualized and at a glance look no different from the men. Even Romulan civilian clothing that is seen in the TNG two-part episode, “Unification,” have similar shoulder-padded tunics and uniformly cut hair on men and women. From a production standpoint on TNG, there is simply much more representation of Romulan women characters compared to other alien species.

I won't dispute that pretty much all the enemies of the Federation were written based on stereotypes about countries on the other side of the Iron Curtain but it strikes me as odd, at the very least, to make the claims you've made in the previous ask?

[074files]

[ENG TRANS] VOGUE GIRL INTERVIEW (2018)

PART 1

He is a beautiful boy with big eyes when you meet him in person! How old is he?

MAHIRO: I’m 22!

How long have you been in show business?

MAHIRO: I started when I was 13 years old, so that's about 9 years now.

It's like you’ve been surrounded by adults from early on. You are only 22 years old, so have you ever thought of being reckless?

MAHIRO: No, I don't have that kind of mindset. I want to become an adult as soon as possible. So I feel that I am gradually becoming one.

Have you always wanted to grow up?

MAHIRO: It wasn’t until I was over 20 years old. I want to get old quickly.

How old do you want to be?

MAHIRO: I can’t wait to be 40.

I'd like to take over for you!

MAHIRO: (laughs).

But why do you want to get old?

MAHIRO: I have the image of a lot of cool men and women in their 40s. That’s why I have to catch up with them as soon as possible. They are all really cool people.

You still have 20 years to go.

MAHIRO: I don’t know if it’s “yet” or “only.” I wonder if I have enough time to go from where I am now to being like those cool 40 year olds. I don’t have to be a celebrity to be cool.

Certainly, it may be wonderful to live a life when you turn 40 and think, “I am the best I am right now.” Takasugi-kun famously was scouted for being mistaken for a girl.

MAHIRO: Is it that famous!?

What did you think when you were scouted? Did you think you wanted to be an entertainer?

MAHIRO: No, not at all. I came from a family who did not watch many dramas or movies, so I learned a lot after coming to Tokyo. I was scouted in 6th grade, and I didn’t know who belonged to the industry at all. So there were so many things I didn’t know that I really didn’t have any interest in.

How did you keep going this far? What do you think is the reason?

MAHIRO: Because I was able to have fun, or rather, because I realized that it was fun. Originally, being an actor was something I wasn’t that interested in, and I thought for sure I would quit someday.

How do you feel about the steadily increasing recognition? Have you realized it yourself?

MAHIRO: I don’t feel it much. I am not aware of it, or rather, I try not to. Even if I get more recognition, it won’t change what I do. I simply believe that if I can improve my acting, I will have a good job.

Do you get approached on the street?

MAHIRO: There are very few instances.

I wonder if you’re good at hiding your presence (laughs). You have a remarkable one though.

MAHIRO: It felt like I’m wearing a costume! Really. Now, I’m getting my hair done, and am dressed up with nice clothes.

What is your ideal self-image?

MAHIRO: I want to be someone that guys think is cool. I myself have many actors whom I think are cool, so I want to be someone that men admire.

Who do you admire?

MAHIRO: As an actor, I like Matsuyama Kenichi.

What kind of personality do you think you have?

MAHIRO: I have a great pace. I think I am the one who tries not to change my mindset.

Do you fit in with the special world of entertainment?

MAHIRO: Eh, I don't know. Hmmm… I’m actually not sure. Rather, I may not really know what the entertainment world is like. I simply do it because I like acting. I don't really need to do anything else, I just want to enjoy what I do. I think the entertainment industry is the place where I happened to find work.

I saw the movie “Gangoose” (released nationwide on November 23, 2018) in which you star, and it was very interesting.

MAHIRO: Thank you so much! I’m glad to hear it.

Takasugi-kun, can you give us a brief description of your role?

MAHIRO: He’s timid and desperate to survive. Because he’s timid, my character is sensitive to various things, and gets frustrated easily. He has two friends, and wants to live with them, but he gets angry when they drink carelessly.

You were always screaming.

MAHIRO: I’m very loud. My character is especially angry all the time.

It was heartwarming to see the characters pulling together so desperately to be happier than they are now. The balance between you and your co-stars, Watanabe-kun and Kato-kun was also unique.

MAHIRO: They are two really nice guys.

Takasugi-kun’s good looks will stand out (laughs).

MAHIRO: No, no, no, that’s not true!

You three have an interesting balance, but how was it working together?

MAHIRO: It was our first time working together. Both of them are about 6 years older than me, but in the role, we were like family, and I was allowed to work with them regardless of our ages. We got along well off-camera as well, and they were so friendly to me that I didn’t even feel that there’s a 6 year gap between our ages.

What kind of characteristics were you able to grasp from the original manga?

MAHIRO: I was able to read the manga as well. However, the main axis revolves around the given script, though if there is something that I need to project from the manga in order to showcase the characters in their worldview, I try to take notes of the details. “Gangoose” has a manga, and a report novel. That became a crucial part in establishing the characters.

I was surprised that it’s based on a true story. It's a pretty tough world.

MAHIRO: It makes me think about it a lot. I recommend the novel to many people. Interesting is probably not the right word to describe it, but it is a novel that has a mysterious power to make you mix various things in your mind.

PLEASE TAKE WITH FULL CREDITS WHEN REPOSTING!

FOLLOW: @mahirofiles for more updates about Mahiro!

[she-karev]

The Wingman (Jackson Avery x Alex Karev's Sister Friendship Imagine)

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Two of Three

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

AN: I was aggravated that Jackson’s character development was declining in recent years so I decided to give him a sibling like relationship with Amber to put his good character traits forward. I plan on modeling their friendship after Mark and Callie only without the sex lol. I thought it would be fitting since he was Mark’s protégé.

Summary: Amber hears Andrew say something shocking to her causing her to fret. Meanwhile Jackson worries that Amber might like him but she and Alex set him straight.

Words: 3637

I walk inside the lobby wearing a Ramone’s graphic t shirt with jeans and combat boots carrying my clothes for tonight inside a black hanger bag. After I managed to obtain 14 numbers for Jackson two nights ago, he asked me if I was free for tonight and I said yes. I didn’t think being a wingman would be this much fun again but somehow it is when it’s at a city where the women are looser and have less standards. The Greenwich Village has a lot of bars filled with men and women who all have certain idiosyncrasies that aren’t fit for my med school friends I try to help.

Andrew is still out of town and I’m bored without him to keep me company. Plus, I actually kind of like hanging out with Jackson. It turns out we both like Michael Jackson, we both watch sports and have a secret love for Harry Potter. He likes the movies but hasn’t read the books and I read the books but haven’t seen the movies. I was willing to overlook that one flaw. We talked all night at the bar from debating the best 90’s song to the worst or scariest horror movie of all time. It was like talking to one of my brothers when I was a kid or one of the guys in my neighborhood.

I stop when I notice most of the hospital personnel are looking at me and whispering not so subtly. It’s been over a week since my past was revealed. I thought they would move past it by now. I guess it’s hard to shake off a crazy mom and crazy brother and the possibility of working with a future crazy person. I spot Jackson sitting in a chair at the lobby desk in his scrubs and I approach him knowing he has answers.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” He greets back, “What’s up?”

“Oh nothing.” I look around and glare at the gossiping hens, “Except I’m wondering how long their gonna stare and whisper at the girl with the crazy mom and crazy brother who almost killed her?”

Jackson looks up at me, “Oh no they moved on from that. Now their very interested in you dating the guy who almost sent your brother to jail after he beat him up.” I groan at that, “Trust me you’ll get used to it you just have to learn to move fast and keep your head down.”

I whisper, “Everybody knows? Does the chief know?”

Jackson chuckles lightly, “Oh honey even the cleaning lady knows.” I shake my head at the misfortune, “Everyone is debating if it’s revenge for you or revenge for DeLuca. I didn’t want to ask last night because we were having a good time but which is it?”

“Does it have to be revenge?” I ask frustrated and Jackson raises an eyebrow, “I know it looks that way but it’s not. I didn’t know what Alex did to him, we met at a bar it was all a coincidence.”

“Okay but why DeLuca?” Jackson asks me and I glare at him, “Come on tell me I want to know why you didn’t move on and choose someone who doesn’t have a bloody past with your brother.”

I decide to tell him since we started to bond last night, “He’s a good guy. He’s competent as a doctor it’s sexy and he’s very hot. And you know what else? He listens, Avery. It’s a very hard quality to find in a man believe me.”

Jackson spaces out for a moment but shakes his head, “I’m sorry did you say something? My mind just wondered off there for a second.” He grins and I chuckle at his joke, “I guess it comes from being a simple man.”

I slap his arm despite being amused, “Smartass.”

“Yeah also there’s a pool.” I look at him confused and he explains, “There’s a bet on how long it’ll be before you two crash and burn. Some of the nurses bet on 2 weeks but I like you and DeLuca so I put myself down for a month.”

“How generous of you.” I grin spitefully at him but a funny idea comes to me, “You know what put me down for two months.”

Jackson looks at me surprised by my turn, “Really?”

“A hundred bucks.” I say with confidence.

Jackson chuckles, “Wow you really have that much faith in this relationship?” I shrug, “All right but don’t come crying when you lose all your-”

“We’re at three months.” I confess with a proud grin and he freezes and looks up at me in shock, “Well five if you count us meeting at the bar and sleeping together the night I came to town for my interview.”

“You played me.” He whines, “You made a bet you already won.”

“Mama doesn’t play fair; mama plays to win.” I hold my hand out for the money, “I will accept cash, you look like you carry wads of hundreds all the time.”

“How about I give it to you in the form of drinks.” Jackson offers, “I’m probably gonna pay for dinner too like last time.”

“Most likely.” I nod, “Okay fine I like to eat and drink.”

“Are we still on for tonight?”

“Yeah, I got my outfit for tonight I think you’re really gonna like it, I get out by 8.” I turn to leave and I remember what I wanted to ask him, “Oh hey before I forget quick trivia.”

Jackson looks at me seriously, “Go.”

“House of a 1000 Corpses, Saw 4, or The Human Centipede?”

Jackson grimaces at the movies, “Are we talking scariest or worst horror movies of all time?”

I chuckle, “We have a new category grossest movie of all time, which one?”

“Oh that’s easy The Human Centipede.”

I narrow my eyes, “I thought you never saw it?”

“I read the Wikipedia plot.” Jackson tells me clearly disturbed, “I wasn’t able to eat for a week.”

I chuckle, “Well hey it’s a great way to lose weight.”

“I think your losing your touch She-Karev.” Jackson informs me with a grin, “Give me a challenge next time.”

“I’ll think on which movies made me queasier but I got to warn you I have an iron stomach.” I look at the clock, “Oh shoot I gotta go, I’ll text you when I get out same place?”

“I’ve been dreaming of hearing The Backstreet Boys on stereo.” I grin at Jackson’s comment and leave him to get ready for work.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jackson grins at Amber walking away enjoying her company the longer they spent together. He didn’t think the other night would end good if anything he was expecting awkward drinking and an awkward car ride after. Instead he got a great wingman who talked him up to over a dozen girls. Plus the conversations they had during were actually great, she was easy for him to talk to without missing a beat.

It started when they debated over the best 90’s song of all time. It got pretty heated as she was passionate about Thunderstruck by AC/DC and him with Black or White by Michael Jackson. However, Jackson was more impressed than annoyed that her favorite 90’s band was AC/DC instead of the standard NSYNC and Whitney Houston most of the other clubbers choose. After that they talked about topics, they shared in common like horror movies and baseball. It was all smooth sailing from there and they set up another date for tonight after she impressed him with her ability to get girls for him.

“Don’t even think about it.” He closes his eyes at the familiar womanly voice and turns to find his mother, Catherine approach him with a disapproving look.

“Good morning mother.” He greets her plainly, “Is there a reason your scolding me so early in the day?”

“Do not play innocent with me boy, I saw the way you looked at her.”

“Looked at who?”

“You know who that pretty sister of Alex Karev’s.” Jackson chuckles at her accusation, “Don’t laugh at me I heard that she left with you the other night and I find it suspicious you two choose to be alone while her boyfriend is in another country.”

“Ma that’s not what it was.” He explains, “Look she was lonely with DeLuca away I needed someone with me so I can get back on the horse and she offered. I wasn’t sleeping with her she was helping me find other women to sleep with.” Catherine narrows her eyes at him suspiciously, “She was my wingman, we talked all night and she’s not like that. She’s pretty cool actually.”

“Jackson, I don’t know that much about her but I’m here to tell you to be careful how you might unintentionally lead her on. It wouldn’t be the first time you got involved with an intern and it backfired spectacularly.”

“Uncalled for mother.” Jackson tells her sternly, “That was different, I was different and Karev is different. She’s Alex’s baby sister for God sakes, sleeping with her would be wrong on epic proportions and I wouldn’t do that not to her and not to Alex.”

“I know you wouldn’t, baby. The question is does she?” Jackson looks at her in thought as she leaves him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walk down the hall carrying my outfit over my shoulders when I get a call. I pull my phone out of my pocket and grin at Andrew’s name popping up and answer it.

“Hey.” Andrew’s voice fills my ear.

“Hey. How’s it going in the land of pasta?”

“Good. The hip replacement took he should be out in two days and I’ll be back by the end of the week.”

“That’s great.” I tell him as I pass by nurses staring at me, “In other good news you left the country at the perfect time. Our relationship is on the cover of Gossip MD weekly so it’s awesome here in my end.”

Andrew chuckles lightly, “Well I would’ve taken you with me but I don’t think my whole extended family interrogating you would have been better.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” I tell him bitterly, “Screw it the cats out of the bag, what do you say we go out for dinner when you get back? Or maybe breakfast this whole time zone is confusing.”

“Amber Stevie Karev, are you asking me out on a date?” Andrew teases.

“I never should’ve told you my middle name.” I say regretfully but I grin, “And yeah I am, don’t worry there will still be some hot, secret sex in it for you at the end.”

“Well, when you put it like that how can I say no?” Andrew says breathy, “All right you pick the place and we can go there after you pick me up from the airport.”

I smile, “Great.” I remember something, “Wait do I pick a dinner place or a breakfast place?”

“Hmm, you can find a place that makes both.” Andrew suggests and I hear someone female in the background that I register to be Carina, “I gotta go babe. I love you.”

Andrew hangs up just as his last words hit me like a truck. I stand there frozen because those three words and eight letters DeLuca just said to me have made my Exe stop responding. The black bag I’m holding feels like it’s not there and I’m sure my face looks like when you pause a tv. It feels like my systems have shut down in response to a guy I really like saying ‘I love you’ about three months into our relationship.

“Karev.” I hear someone calling me but I’m still frozen, “Karev!”

I snap out of it when the voice gets closer and I turn to find Dr. Bailey behind me raising an eyebrow at me, “C-Chief hi um I was just-”

“About to get ready for pre rounds?” Bailey commands.

“Yes.” I remember that I’m at work so I move my limbs that feel like they’re made of cement, “I’ll do that sorry chief.” I walk away from her keeping my panic under wraps until lunch when I can get answers from another guy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jackson sits across from Alex in the cafeteria getting answers from him about Amber so he knows his mother is worrying over nothing. Normally he wouldn’t listen to Catherine but her last words really hit him. He knows he would never make a move on Amber for obvious reasons but that doesn’t necessarily mean she wouldn’t do the same. He feels bad degrading her like this after he defended her but he has to know he’s not screwing things up again and while it makes him uncomfortable Alex is the best source to all things Amber.

“She doesn’t like you.” Alex says bluntly with a mouth full of sandwich, “And you’re an idiot if you think your mommy is right about my little sister being a cheat and floozy.”

“I didn’t call her a floozy.” Jackson states, “I was just concerned about how she would interpret that night other than just two friends hanging out.”

Alex chuckles, “Why because you’re an Avery and a plastic surgeon and a stud to all the interns?”

Jackson looks at him annoyed, “This isn’t about my ego.” Alex snorts at that, “It’s not! Look I like her as a friend and you raised her do you think she would see me the same very platonic sense or should I make myself clear?”

“You and your rich boy problems.” Alex grumbles and faces him, “Look you think there’s a problem because you’ve never had a female friend before.”

Jackson narrows his eyes at him, “Yes I have what are you talking about?”

“I mean you’ve never had a female friend you weren’t sexually attracted to or slept with.” Jackson wants to defend himself but Alex stops him, “You flirted with Altman, you kissed Yang, you married Kepner, dated Edwards, dated Lexie and now you think my sister wants to sleep with you. Can you see the problem here?”

Jackson looks at him stumped after that harsh truth, “So you’re saying I have nothing to worry about?”

“Unlike you my sister has been pure friends with the opposite sex.” Alex explains, “She grew up with two brothers, played sandlot with the neighborhood boys and slept with girls as far as I know. She’s not like other women she’s more like…a guy.”

“A guy?” Jackson asks.

“She doesn’t play games.” Alex explains, “She says what she thinks and she makes it clear that she wants someone. If she wanted you, which she does not, she would have told you last night trust me. You’re freaking out over nothing.”

Jackson feels a little more calm, “Yeah your right, your right.”

“I know I am.” Alex takes a bite of his sandwich before adding, “But if you make one move on my baby sister, I will punch you.”

“I didn’t see you sporting this attitude with DeLuca.”

“Well, I already made what I would do to him if he hurt her clear. And that was before they even met.” Alex reminds him just as Amber enters the cafeteria and approaches them.

“Get up I need to talk to him.” Amber tells them and Jackson interprets it toward him and stands, “No not you, you’re the one I want to talk to. Alex leave.”

Alex looks at her offended, “I was here first.”

“I am not in the mood to argue and if I were you, I’d move fast.” Amber says intimidatingly causing Alex to get up and Amber takes his spot across an anxious Jackson who’s uneasy being alone with her. Before leaving Alex makes an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture at Jackson out of view from Amber who looks at Jackson with an equally anxious face, “Okay I have a question for you as a guy.”

“Um sure go ahead.” Jackson says despite the ball of nerves in his stomach.

“Okay.” Amber clears her throat, “What’s the shortest time in realizing you love someone?”

Jackson chokes on his soda that he was sipping before looking at Amber frightened thinking she is talking about them, “What?”

Amber sighs, “Look something happened and-”

“Okay I’m gonna stop you before you say something that will implicate me in another human resources complaint.” Jackson groans in despair, “Damn it I hate it when my mother is right.”

“What?” Amber asks as confusion fills her instead of anxiety.

“Amber, I like you, you’re a great girl.” Jackson begins, “I liked hanging out with you as a friend. I think of you as a friend and maybe I did something last night to give you the wrong impression and I am sorry.” Amber looks at him blankly as he continues, “You’re an intern, your Karev’s little sister not to mention your dating DeLuca. Now I hate to hurt you but I have to if it means you understand that this, us, can never-” Amber interrupts him with a kick to the shin under the table causing him to groan in pain and take a moment as Amber looks at him offended, “On the other hand my mother has her moments of being wrong.”

“What is wrong with you?” Amber asks him bluntly.

Jackson rubs his shin, “So you weren’t…”

“No, you idiot!” Amber yells under her breath so they don’t draw attention, “I came to you because I needed a guy’s insight into the guy mind. I didn’t want to ask my brother because it concerns my boyfriend and it would be weird so I decided to ask you. You have more insight into this than my friends, you’ve dated before, you were married and you’ve led a very long life.” Jackson looks up offended by her calling him old, “We talked last night and I helped you get women’s numbers so you can sleep with them. What about that made you think I wanted to have that pleasure instead?”

Jackson’s pain passes and tries to come up with an answer but is stumped, “Um…because I’m an idiot.”

Amber nods, “Yes I already knew that but why do you have this assumption that I am a floozy and a cheat?”

Jackson sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, “Look I’ve never had a female friend before, at least not one I didn’t sleep with. I thought…or my mother thought you would misinterpret what happened and make a move and I am sorry.” Amber’s anger lessens at his genuine apology, “I’m sorry I jumped the gun, it’s all me not you I swear. Are you mad?”

“Yes I am!” Jackson flinches at her voice and looks at a few people looking at them, “As much as I want to hit you I need your help and your gonna sit there and listen to why I am freaking out and your gonna help me.”

“Freaked out about what?” Jackson asks and holds his hand up to solemnly swear, “I promise I will not make any more assumptions so just tell me what you were gonna tell me come on.”

Amber clicks her tongue, “He said it. DeLuca just said it.”

“What did DeLuca say?” Amber widens her eyes to indicate it and he realizes to his shock, “Oh god he said it? So fast?”

“Over the phone.” Amber bites her nails anxiously, “3 words, 8 letters that put me on a 11 on the stress scale. Oh god I am freaking out right now.”

Jackson sees her stress, “Yeah I can tell and I can see why you didn’t want to talk to your brother.”

“What is he thinking?” Amber asks incredulously, “We haven’t been dating that long and he goes and springs it over the phone. What is wrong with him? Was it an accident or a slip of the tongue?”

“I mean it could’ve been.” Jackson shrugs, “I said I love you once to a girl I was on a third date with but that was in med school and I had crammed for a final and didn’t get any sleep. He’s in a different time zone, his uncle is getting a surgery maybe he was tired.”

Amber exhales in relief, “Yeah, yeah, you’re right I mean it would be insane if he said it this soon and believe me I know insane. He didn’t mean it, it’s just a slip of the tongue that’s all.”

Jackson nods but feels the need to point out another possibility, “Unless he really did-”

“No, no, no.” Amber stops him, “Don’t say it, don’t even think it.”

“I mean come on it could be that.”

“It can’t be that.” Amber tells him stubbornly, “It would be disastrous if that was the case.”

“Because it would be too soon or because your scared to let your guard down.” Jackson suggests.

“You know what, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Amber tells him annoyed.

“Really?” Jackson chuckles, “I thought my many years of living were a gift for you.”

“Well, it’s not and DeLuca is not in love with me and I am not scared to let my guard down.” Amber scoffs, “You know you don’t know me as well as you think you do Avery, I mean you thought I wanted to sleep with you.”

“That’s not…” Jackson clears his throat, “Yeah that is true and I apologize for that again.”

“You should and I am not interested in you, let me make that perfectly clear. I wanted to be nice after you saved my job but I will not stoop so low as to show you my gratitude in bed. Despite what you and Jennings think I have some class.” Amber stands up and walks away from Jackson who groans at the mess he caused.

Next Chapter Here

[megashadowdragon]

emillia as the moon to priscilla sun

Priscilla’s connection to the sun is a bit more obvious. She’s literally nicknamed The Sun Princess after all. She uses a blade made out of fire hotter than the typical, wears bright red clothes, and has orange hair. Even her pupils are a bright yellow-orange like the sun.

Priscilla as a ruler can be viewed like the sun as well. She is known to bring great prosperity to her subjects from afar. However, those who get too close to her may be burned by her harsh temperament.

In Japanese mythology, Amaterasu, the goddess of the sun, is commonly associated with fertility and growing crops. This is the very first thing she becomes known for after becoming ruler of her domain, as she helped her subjects grow their crops.

Amaterasu is also connected to pride. When she caused her brother Susanoo to go on a rampage and destroy a lot of heaven and earth she fled to a cave in shame. This caused the first winter, a very harsh period at the time.

To draw her out the other gods threw a party. In curiosity, she drew closer to the entrance only to find a mirror. Her own reflection would be what finally drew her fully out of the cave.

Amaterasu, as queen of heaven, the gods, and creation, is also associated with the idea of powerful women and female rulers. Another contrast worth mentioning is luck. As Priscilla says, the world itself bends to always suit her. She often finds herself on top even without much effort of her own.

some reddit comments I had seen in regards to sun and moon

and why its emillia and priscilla

There are a lot of scenes in re:zero where the moon is a center point and Reinhart just happens to be in a few of them.

Secondly it's fairly certain now that the moon represents Satella, the most blatant hint being that in Mimigau if the male version of Satella is named Luna.

Most of the legends and fables you mentioned regarding the moon fit Satella just as well:

The story of the rabbit on the moon tells that one day the man on the moon came down to earth and disguised himself as a beggar. When he asked four animals for food, three were able to provide some. But the rabbit was only able to give him grass.

Impressed by his self-sacrifice and generosity, the man saved the rabbit and brought it back to live with him on the moon. That’s why you can see the outline of a rabbit on it today.

Because of this, the rabbit and the moon represent charity and self-sacrifice. These obviously are core facets of Reinhard’s character.

twitter . com/VortechsTG/status/1656501691024543745

The rabbit in the moon:

Tappei mentioned that if Emilia would be an animal she would be a rabbit, since she and Satella are similar in appearance I'm going to assume she would be the same

The rabbit jumped into the fire to feed the man, but the man saved the rabbit. Satella wants Subaru to kill her and he wants to save her.

Tsukuyomi:

wants to bring order, but create chaos. Satella went mad and destroyed half the world, but before this we know from Arc 6 that Volcanica knew her and were friends. Also Hoshin in Isekai Quartet said that he and his friend wanted to save the world.

Yin and Yang:

The moon and lunar energy represents Yin and so does shadow magic which Satella is a great practitioner of.

BUT I do believe that Reinhart is actually both the sun and the moon, as in I think he represent the concept of balance/perfection. He has the best of both worlds Yang attributes: strength, courage, tall build, red hair; Yin attributes: discipline, charming, beauty, blue eyes.

Reinhart himself in the story is mostly a reactionary force. If a calamity like Puck is unleashed he is there to stop him to bring back order and balance. If he is lacking in any way he receives a blessing to fill that void.

It also makes Priscilla looks even more like rival to Emilia. If Emilia and Satella share symbolism then we get:

Fire vs Ice (Emilia)

Sun vs Moon (Satella)

Yang vs Yin (Satella)

Arrogant capable noble vs foolish kind village girl

Both were born to be loved by the world.

Those two share so many opposite traits it almost looks like Pris was the original rival before story took proper shape.  

 ( the person means love rival 

[brokenbones-singsongs]

Another instance of bored out of my mind at work

1. What have you eaten today?

A banana

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

Phil. I guess so. Just told him goodbye before work.

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

Black and white checkered vans

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

Myself

5. What is your favorite scent?

Vetiver

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

Fall. Everything is crispy and gold and orange and it’s spooky season

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

Both

8. What color are your nails?

Just natural for noq

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

A freckle

10. What is something you find romantic?

A lot of things. Mostly someone keeping track of all of the little things. How you take your coffee, what food you like from certain restaurants, etc.

11. Are you happy?

I am

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

A lot of things in both departments.

13. Dogs or Cats?

Dogs

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

Between a museum and a library

15. What is your style?

Whatever’s comfy. I wear a lot of simple flowy things. Leggings and jean jackets, cardigans, etc.

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be? I’d still be in my bed asleep.

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

Engaged.

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

He’s patient with me, calm, levelheaded, very smart, takes care of himself, a wonderful dad, he’s attentive, he loves me…

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

I wouldn’t replace her. I don’t think anyone could. But I would still absolutely love to be friends with Emma stone

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?

A laundry list of things. The biggest one is thinking I’ll ever get any closure from keegan.

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

We didn’t.

22. Have you recently made any big decisions?

I quit my job.

23. Were you ever in a school play?

A few! I loved every single one of them.

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

There’s none that really accurately portray this mess. I really resonated with perks of being a wallflower when it came out though.

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

I want to own my own coffee shop. I don’t because it’s expensive.

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

I think I actually have everyone I could ever want to share anything with in my life now.

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

The catty need to tear each other down and insult things we can’t help about ourselves.

The few of us who bow down to the patriarchy and think there is no need for equality and women’s rights.

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

Their inability to understand that No is a full and complete sentence

They think only with their dicks

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

I found a place full of cute ass clothes that actually fit normal sized women.

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

All of the hard decisions I’ve made that have hurt others even if I was doing the best I could with what I had.

31. How long was your longest relationship?

Four years.

32. Have you ever been in love?

More than once

33. Are you currently in love?

I am

34. Why did your last relationship end?

Lmao where to begin…

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?

Earrings I think I bought myself and an engagement ring from my fiancé via Etsy.

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

Yesterday over a TikTok

37. Name someone pretty.

My best friend 🥰

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

I didn’t.

39. Do you get jealous easily?

I don’t like to think so but….

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

I have a sneaky suspicion but I’ve chosen not to try and find out.

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

100%

42. Ever had detention?

A few times

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

The city

44. What do people call you?

Sierrah, Twin, Mama, Sweetie, Babe, Watson, Dr. Watson, Sissy, Friend, Girl Child

45. What was the last book you read?

Empire Of Storms by Sarah Maas

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you?

I’m a giant nerd about certain things

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

A little of everything, but most of my playlist is indie alternative

48. How tall are you?

5’ 2.5”

49. Do you like kids?

I do

50. Favorite fruits?

Watermelon, cantaloupe, purple grapes

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Leggings

52. What’s your earliest memory?

My fourth birthday when I was given Ricky raccoon and had a cupcake train as a birthday cake

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

There’s a song out there…

“Do you wanna run? Do you wanna drive? Do you wanna get away and start over? Do you wanna begin again…”

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Equal amounts of both

55. Do you have a collection of anything?

Miniature pianos, playbills, pins, different editions of Peter Pan, You Are Here mugs from Starbucks…

56. Do you save money or spend it?

Both.

57. What would your dream house be like?

One of those timeless homes with a big green grassy yard and towering oak trees like in the movies we watched as kids.

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

Infidelity, lies, abusive people, rampant stupidity, being micromanaged

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

My son, any time spent with my best friend, snow, Broadway shows, seeing the mountains.

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog. I’ll get another job.

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I would tell everyone. I’d spend the rest of my days trying to do everything I ever wanted and I’d bring along anyone who would be willing to go with me. I don’t think I’d be afraid. Death is but the next great adventure.

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

That squishy organ in our chests.

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

I’v always wanted to see Paris

64. Do you like the beach?

I di

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

Both

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it?

Marie

67. Do you talk to yourself?

All the time

68. Describe your hair.

It’s very fine, I have a shit ton of it, and it’s currently 15 shades of red/brown/blonde/caramel

69. What is the meaning of life.

To live

70. What is your ideal partner like?

I’m with him and I explained above what I love about him.

71. Do you want to get married?

I am next February.

72. Do you want to have kids?

I have one, undecided on whether we’ll try for another.

73. Like or dislike your family?

I like some, dislike others

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

Leaning more chunky these days

75. Would you consider yourself smart?

Yes

76. What would you change about your life?

I wouldn’t. I mean I would like to be be financially secure but that’s it

77. Religious or Not?

No

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

This would never happen

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

No

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Every single day

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

We’d be asleep

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? He lives with me so yeah

83. Do you like when people play with your hair? It’s my favorite thing

84. Do you like bubble baths? I LOVE them

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

Twice

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

More than once

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

Several people

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

Fuck.

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week)

Seattle, NYC, Australia, Paris, Switzerland, Norway, Italy, Ireland, England, hawaii

90. How was your day today?

Quiet

91. Play an instrument?

A little piano

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

I think it’s beautiful and a force to be reckoned with. Spending time in front of it always feels like a reset button on life.

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

Both.

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be?

No, but things are good. I’ve given up on trying to plan the future. It is never really what we think it will be.

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

I do, but I rarely let it out

96. When are you vulnerable?

It just depends

97. How much free time do you have?

No much

98. Do you like to go hiking?

Very much

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

Even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?

All of the above and more

[cordycepsfem]

Pageboy Readthrough, Part Fourteen: The One About the Rant About the Skirt

Happy Pride! Let's slog our way through the rest of this. I'm sick so I've been doing nothing but drinking my weight in Gatorade and FaceTiming my girlfriend, but she's sleeping so I've got time for at least two chapters.

If you've missed any of this delightful readthrough, you can find all the parts here.

Previously

EP goes to Old Navy and buys clothes she doesn't like because she wants to fit in

your reviewer commiserates

EP likes a girl but can't figure out how to handle that so she dates a boy (and sucks his dick) instead

I wish we'd left on a more memorable note, because that all sounds boring AF, but here we are

Now

Chapter Twenty-One

EP talks about the first girl she ever kissed

somehow she knew this girl was "queer" and all EP wanted was to be around her "queerness"

you had a crush, EP, it's okay to say it

so she'd go and hang out where this girl worked

they kiss:

first, of course we get to know a Canadian Fact

second, that's beautiful, what a good and memorable kiss; I hope I don't scroll down to read anything that ruins it

well, she ran away from Jessica, but that's okay because years later she meets up with Jessica again at a party, and it's all good

except now, like a dummy, EP says this:

So you fetishized her experience as either a bisexual woman or a lesbian, and you're now referring to someone again as "queer" without any notes on how they referred to themselves.

Knock that the fuck off. You do it every chapter and it's rude as fuck.

Chapter Twenty-Two

EP is filming the remake of "Flatliners"

(I enjoyed it mostly, it ends like shit)

first we are told that she was not given a safety belt during a car scene

then we are told she is a huge fan of rollercoasters, which is surprising because I wasn't sure she was tall enough for any of them, but apparently her friends call her "the mayor of Six Flags Magic Mountain" which sure, why not, could also be true

she likes rollercoasters because they allow her to dissociate

also for those of us new to the world, thank you for doing the charitable work of describing how a rollercoaster ride starts

(I am a very specific type of asshole and am feeling very bitchy and uncharitable with EP tonight but now I want to go on a rollercoaster)

anyway, the car scene goes fine, if a little roughly due to no safety belt, which should have been handled more seriously

EP reports that the Black actress in the film was told that she (the Black actress) only got the part because she was Black

EP reports that she said "no" to dresses for her character (a medical school student who really has no need to wear a dress) but "yes" to other "girl clothes"

then EP gets asked if she's upset that her character isn't gay, and goes on what is either a good tirade or a weirdly aggressive tirade that I can't parse from how poorly she writes it

did you... did you need to amp up the conversation with "... a fucking skirt"? could it have stayed at, like "She's gay in my heart" or "Is this about my wardrobe choices?" or "Why does this matter?"

why was this where you chose to lose your shit, EP?

also stop calling lesbians queer i swan to john ep

EP very casually - and by very casually I of course mean not casually at all - continues to lose her shit

remember, this conversation started with this man being kind of a dick and questioning in a roundabout way why she hadn't wanted to wear dresses and if that was a gay thing

except now wearing dresses *can* be a gay thing and how dare he suggest they can't

what is she actually mad about? that he thinks gay women don't wear skirts?

then go wear the fucking skirt EP show him he's wrong

.... right? what am I missing here?

okay, so let's take this from the top

"I continued to prioritize the needs of everyone else over mine" - you were there to do a job, this was your job. at my job, I don't usually get to rant about how dressing up for a meeting with the head honchos makes me feel bad, because it's my fucking job on the line

"trying not to be 'difficult' anymore" - you lost your shit over a question about a skirt; true, it was a badly-asked question and shouldn't have been asked, but you were difficult and made it a much bigger deal than was necessary

we'll get back to being who you are in a minute, but detour with me to the next point:

what is this "queer walk"?

this is not the first time she's written about this

I for the life of me cannot figure out what she means

she, like all other humans who walk, walks in a way that is distinct to her body

like all other humans whose arms do these things, her arms dangle and bend; like all other humans whose hands do this, her hands move; like all other humans who sit, she sits

(I added caveats because obviously there are humans without arms and hands, and obviously there are humans whose arms and hands do not work in the usual way, and humans who do not walk... but she is not one of those)

(for instance, my arms and hands also dangle, bend, and move, and I am known to sit and was also told I do not sit in a "ladylike" manner, because... that's not what my body does, and I don't care...?)

(me being a lesbian has not changed how any of that operates, nor does anyone I see immediately say "Ah, a lesbian" upon seeing only my gait)

(at least, no one's ever said that to me)

(yet)

so I went to go watch her walk

she doesn't walk "queerly"

she walks like a woman and/or a bashful boy

is that queer? do all queer people walk this way? no, of course not so what the fuck is she referring to?

let's go back to this "I'm sorry who I am is repulsive"

this is because of the skirt thing again? you are claiming you feel repulsive because you said "no" to wearing a dress, which is a good and okay thing to do, and then a man made an insinuation about your character, which was a less good thing to do, and then you got potentially righteously angry about that, and you immediately went to "I'm repulsive"

Bubby, you need help.

I thought this was the end of the chapter but then I realized it wasn't.

so she goes for a screen test and the guy is there and he says "the studio" wants her to get hair extensions so she's "softer"

which she correctly interprets as "less GNC"/"less lesbian"

so in the one good self-advocacy move I've read her make, she calls someone who puts a stop to it!

Why did you not keep that feeling with you???

For so much of this book I've been waiting for her to get that spirit, that "I have boundaries" root in her spine, and here it is, and then... what? She forgets about it?

I said "no" to wearing dresses full-time and having a bowl cut at age 12. Too late? Maybe, but it was the first time I felt comfortable saying "no."

I said "no" to going to therapy when I was 22, after almost a decade of unhappy suffering. Too late? Yes, but it was the first time I knew what my feelings were.

I said "no" to a lot of things later than maybe I should have, but it gets easier every time you say "no."

No, I don't want that. I don't want to be treated that way. I don't want that job. I won't do that job. I won't do what you're asking. I won't go there. I don't like that. I won't wear that. I can't pick up those hours. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that.

It takes practice. It's truly so hard.

But instead of saying "I'm not going to let you change me because I'm a lesbian," EP decided to just... not be one.

I forgot how maudlin and irritable this book makes me.

Welcome back, I guess.