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#which is chill with me on the one hand but on the other I have NO IDEA how he feels about me
juustokaku · 2 days
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Confidentiality - Chapter 1. - yandere!ATEEZ OT8 x f!reader
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Introduction: Joining a peer support group for mentally ill was a good idea for the last two times you were there. Then it's only natural for the third time to go well too, right?
Pairings: yandere!Hongjoong x reader, yandere!Seonghwa x reader, yandere!Yunho x reader, yandere!Yeosang x reader, yandere!San x reader, yandere!Mingi x reader, yandere!Wooyoung x reader, yandere!Jongho x reader
A/N: This is my first fan fiction I have posted in years! I'm sorry that the beginning might bore you but I'm trying to make the next chapters more interesting. This was more of an introduction than the real story. Also, please, forgive me for my English. It's not exactly immaculate since it isn't my first language. Thank you to everyone who might stumble across this and read!
Word count: 3 207
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The first time you had been shaking in your boots. The next time you had been shaking as much. And now, hopefully for the last time, you were still shaking. 
“What are you doing here? This is private property,” a relatively old lady opened the door you were standing behind and furrowed her thin brows. 
It was winter, and you were cold already, but the chill that ran down your spine at the woman’s words made you almost visibly shudder. Did she not remember you? 
Your hands inside your mittens squeezed into fists. Anxious tears welled up in your eyes. As usual, you couldn’t handle people being angry or even stern at you. 
You would have probably run away in a couple seconds, but the woman smiled at you suddenly and pushed the door wide open. 
“I’m just joking, dear. I remember you.” 
She was supposed to be a mental health professional but still she dared to joke like that while aware of your struggles. You felt a bit irritated but didn’t dare to show it to her. She didn’t mean to scare you. 
As you stepped inside the house your anxiety levels settled down for a moment. You felt a little more comfortable despite the fusty smell. The room was designed to look inviting and homey probably to make the patients relax. It was kind of like visiting a grandma which made you feel nostalgic. 
“I’m glad you decided to join again,” the woman smiled sincerely as you took off your boots and set them neatly on the shoe rack. 
You nodded, “I’m a bit anxious but eager to receive some help again.” 
It was the third time you had joined a peer support group for people who were suffering from mental health problems. The same woman who was in front of you had held it every time. You thought she was some kind of therapist but weren’t sure anymore. It was always hard for you to remember the introductions, because your mind was an anxious mess when meeting new people. 
She led you to the familiar room where all the previous support groups had been held too. 
 10 armchairs were placed in a wide circle. Their colors were restrained and mild so that people who had sensory issues wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. Well, they would probably feel uncomfortable here anyways due to other reasons, but it wouldn’t feel as insufferable as it could if the chairs were all bright, neon version colors of rainbow. 
The lighting was comforting and warm, a stark contrast to the cold lights of a hospital. 
As you were taking in the feelings of the room, the woman started speaking. 
“Uh, I have to tell you something,” she started, sounding apologetic, “All the other group members are new. None of them have been here before.” 
“Oh. Are any of them aggressive?” you asked nervously. 
The information that you hadn’t met any of the other patients stressed you out. What if one of them was aggressive and attacked you? 
“You worry too much, Y/N. They’re as stable and gentle as little lambs.” 
“If they were stable, they wouldn’t be in this group.” 
The woman chuckled a bit, her dimples showing as the corners of her lips rose in amusement. 
“Trust me. Everyone is kind and calm,” the woman assured you. 
Suddenly a man barged in and declared, “I have arrived! Get ready for trouble!”  
Your heart almost stopped and a fight-or-flight response was close to being activated. But after the initial scare he gave you settled down, you stared at the man with surprise and nervousness. 
Despite his attention-demanding entrance, his looks were a little less extra. He was really handsome though. He had black hair and casual clothes but your attention was caught by his mischievous dark brown eyes and a little mole under his eye. 
“What’s your name?” the man noticed your staring and rushed to you before you could run away. 
You barely remembered your name when the man was suddenly in front of you, a bit too close to your liking. Somehow you managed to mutter out your name to him. 
“Ah, Y/N. I’m Wooyoung,” the man introduced himself, “You have beautiful eyes.” 
If you didn’t forget how to speak when Wooyoung asked your name, you definitely did now. How were you supposed to answer when a stranger complimented your eyes out of the blue? 
Wooyoung continued inspecting your face and expressions intently. 
“Thank you... You have very... interesting eyes as well,” you smiled sheepishly. 
“That sounds almost like an insult,” Wooyoung pouted, “Aren’t my eyes beautiful too?” 
Oh no. Did Wooyoung think you didn’t think of his eyes as beautiful? 
“No, no! I mean yes, your eyes are beautiful. I just didn’t want to sound like a creep by complimenting you too much.” 
Wooyoung grinned at you, “Don’t worry. I know what you meant.” 
What was wrong with everyone, joking around like that? You had your first mini heart attack earlier when you thought the woman didn’t recognize you and now Wooyoung made you think you insulted him gravely. 
You took a seat on one of the armchairs. Wooyoung sat down next to you, staying quiet but glancing at you sometimes. Pretty often, to be honest. All of the time, actually. 
The woman started talking with him but you couldn’t focus on listening to their conversation at all. Just fiddling with your fingers nervously as you imagined how the other patients would be like. 
One by one, all of the patients arrived. Two of them were late which irritated you. You just wanted to get this session over with already. 
You didn’t dare to look at anyone but you had noticed to your horror that all of the other patients were men. Maybe they would gang up on you after this session and beat you up. That’s what men did, right? You had read a lot about those kind of things on the internet. 
“Alright kiddos,” the woman started, “My name is Charlotte Abbot, and I welcome you to this peer support group.” 
None of you were “kiddos” anymore but young adults. Charlotte probably just felt a lot older with all those wrinkles on her face. 
She went on and on about how the group works and the importance of confidentiality. A few members of the group didn’t focus at all and were looking around curiously to see who were the people that had joined the group. 
“Who wants to introduce themselves first?” Charlotte asked. 
Wooyoung raised his hand and started talking before Charlotte could give him a permission, “My name is Jung Wooyoung. My favorite color is black. My favorite fruit is strawberry. I like dancing. I like taking photographs. I like cooking. I like-”  
Charlotte interrupted him, “Thank you, Wooyoung. Let’s give everyone a chance to introduce themselves briefly before revealing more.” 
An extraordinarily stylish man raised his hand before he started speaking. 
“I’m Kim Hongjoong. I’m the CEO of my own fashion brand.” 
You almost gasped out loud. No wonder he was so stylish. He looked cool both in appearance and attitude. The look on his face was so focused that you bet he was a hardworking man. 
“My name is Choi San. I am a personal trainer. Nice to meet you all,” a man sitting one seat away from you introduced himself politely. 
You could definitely see that he was a personal trainer. His looks probably distracted all his customers from working out to look at him. 
“Jeong Yunho,” a tall man next to you smiled kindly, “I’m a police officer but I do a lot of volunteering at animal shelters as well.” 
You almost let your heart melt at Yunho’s words but you reminded yourself that he could be lying to make himself look more trustworthy. He could actually be a mastermind criminal who’d lure you into his trap with his promises of playful puppies and cute kittens. 
“Choi Jongho,” another man simply said. 
Everyone waited for him to continue but he stayed silent. 
“That’s it?” Wooyoung asked. 
“Shush, Wooyoung. If Jongho doesn’t want to say anything more yet, he doesn’t have to,” Charlotte reminded gently. 
“Song Mingi. But you can call me Mingi. Or Mingus Dingus,” another tall man chuckled. 
“Mingus... Dingus?” Wooyoung repeated, holding back his laughter. A couple other men in the room snorted too. 
Mingi looked a little offended and explained, “It’s my stage name. I’m a rapper.” 
You wondered what was behind Mingi’s sunglasses. Why did he wear them inside in the first place? Was he trying to hide something else than just his eyes? 
It was clear that none of them were here to hurt you. But all of these new people were making you nervous. No matter how disrespectful of you was it to suspect everyone, you couldn’t help yourself. 
“My name is Park Seonghwa. I like Legos and Star Wars,” a strikingly handsome man smiled sheepishly. 
His interests surprised you with their innocence. One would expect that an adult man with those godly looks would be partying and sleeping with models instead of nerding away with Legos and Star Wars. It was adorable though and made you feel ever so slightly more at ease with him. 
Silence filled the room as everyone was waiting for the next person to introduce themselves. Only the ticking of the clock on the wall could be heard. The silence felt uncomfortably long and you started wondering why no-one spoke. 
“Could any of you two introduce yourself?” Charlotte’s voice caught your attention. 
You almost wanted to cry out of embarrassment as you realized you were one of the two who were left, and you had been just sitting there like a fool. It shouldn’t be such a big deal but your ears flushed red nonetheless. 
There was a man who hadn’t introduced himself yet either. His gaze was turned to the floor. As if that wasn’t enough of a sign to tell he was uncomfortable, his body was tense and hands wrapped in front of his stomach as if to protect himself. 
“I’m Y/N. I like...” you paused. Someone could be here to gather information about you or use your information against you in the future. You couldn’t tell them anything too personal. 
“I like dogs,” you finally said. Damn it, that was too personal! Now that psycho police officer could lure you into a dog shelter and torture puppies in front of you just to make you suffer. 
Speak of the devil, Yunho smiled at you, “I like dogs too.” 
You fought the urge to scream and run away. His smile was charming but that was expected from a psychopath. Those kinds of people were good at manipulating. You had read a lot of books about it in order to protect yourself better. 
Nonetheless, you still smiled back nervously. 
“What’s your last name?” San asked. 
To be truthful or not to be: that is the question. You had purposefully left that part out of your introduction because you didn’t want to tell them your last name. What would anyone even do with that information? 
“Brokelsony,” you answered. 
Wooyoung snorted, “That’s not a real name, doofus. You just made that up, didn’t you?” 
You got caught. Your days were numbered now. How could you ever come back after everyone knew you lied to them?  
The way your eyes widened and you clutched the arms of the chair confirmed everyone that you lied. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Except you wanted your whole body to burn, not just your pants. 
“Come on, what’s your real last name?” Mingi insisted. 
Wooyoung joined in with a louder voice, “Yeah, we told our last names too!” 
“What are you so afraid of?” 
You were stressing out, gasping for air and digging for some explanation for your lie but you couldn’t think. All the noise and pressure made you dizzy. 
Suddenly Jongho chimed in, “You two chose to tell your full names out of your own will. It’s not an obligation to reveal your last name, so leave her be.” 
Everyone was shocked more or less. Jongho, who had been so quiet otherwise, had spoken up and defended you. 
He could have been embarrassed or regretful to have all the attention directed to him now but there were no emotions on his face. Only unwavering tranquility was like painted on his whole body. 
You couldn’t have been any more grateful to Jongho for the shift of attention and for being the voice of reason. The least you could do was to send him an appreciative smile so you did that. 
He did not respond to the smile. 
You really hated this day. Being embarrassed wasn’t an unknown experience to you but this felt just straight up humiliating. 
“Well, we have our one last patient. Would you introduce yourself?” Charlotte asked gently. 
It was definitely not a nice feeling for him to be the last one and have all the attention on him, you thought as you looked at the last man left. 
After a few moments he raised his gaze from the floor... only to look at his hands. At least you could see his beautiful face and birth mark a bit better now. 
“Yeosang,” the man spoke. 
Yeosang sounded almost apologetic like he was sorry that he was supposedly wasting everyone’s time by telling his name. You really felt for him. 
“Look what you did, Y/N. He learned not to tell his last name either because of you,” Wooyoung chuckled and received a scolding look from Charlotte in response. 
Charlotte looked around the room, probably taking in everyone’s names, and nodded. 
“You all have different issues like all people do. Even though some of you may have similar experiences or diagnoses, don’t forget that you have your own story to share, no matter how insignificant it may seem.” 
A few people nodded, acknowledging her words. You did too although you did not agree with her statement. 
Your story wasn’t meant to be shared. There wasn’t even anything to share. That’s what you wanted to believe at least. That you were completely healthy and normal, and that nothing bad had ever happened to you. 
“During next week we’ll start opening up more but today it’s time for something more exciting...” Charlotte smiled mysteriously, “Get into groups of three.” 
What was this? A pre-school? You did not want to talk to anyone. This was supposed to be a form of therapy not a blind date! 
You felt your palms sweat in nervousness. Who would you want to be in a group with? Or a better question, who would want to be in a group with you?  
The stress of realizing that probably no-one would agree to be with you made your chest tighten up. You cursed Charlotte in your mind for causing this. 
Every second felt excruciatingly slow but fast at the same time as you saw Hongjoong and Seonghwa already forming a group. You would be the last one left. No-one would let you into their group willingly. 
“Do you want to be in my group?” someone behind you asked like an angel who descended from Heaven to save you from the fate of being left out. 
Once you turned around, you froze. It was the Devil instead. 
Yunho stood there, towering over you, with that smile on his handsome face again. It was suspicious how kind he was.  
“Sure,” you nodded despite your head screaming at you not to. Carefully inspecting his expressions and movements, you decided he would be trustworthy enough now that there were other people in the room with you.  
“Awesome! Let’s go find another groupmate,” Yunho gestured you to follow him. 
So, you did follow him as he walked towards Yeosang who was standing by the wall, looking clueless and lost. 
You felt grateful that Yunho had chosen Yeosang out of everyone left because he seemed like the least aggressive person there. His arms were muscular but you wanted to believe he wouldn’t use them for anything else than carrying heavy grocery bags for old ladies. 
“Yeosang, do you want to join-” Yunho started but got interrupted by Jongho who had appeared behind you two. 
“Y/N. Join my group.” 
It was enough of a shock already to have Yunho ask you to be in his group, but now that Jongho wanted you in his group as well, you felt lost. 
You probably looked stupid as you were glancing between Yunho and Jongho, trying to figure out the situation, lips slightly apart. 
“No can do, dude. She’s mine... my groupmate, I mean,” Yunho crossed his arms. 
Even Yeosang raised his head to look at the scene with you as Yunho and Jongho started disputing. 
“Although you like dogs, you don’t have to treat her as one,” the shorter man sneered, “You’re not her owner, cop.” 
Yunho furrowed his brows. You thought of him as scary even when he smiled, but now that you saw him getting irritated, you felt horrified. What if he had a gun with him? He was a police officer after all. 
“I didn’t mean it that way. I just want you to find your own groupmates instead of stealing mine.” 
“Why are you so keen on keeping her?” Jongho raised a brow. 
“Why are you so keen on stealing her away from me?”  
Yunho’s question was just the right one to make Jongho silent. 
A slightly irritated expression crossed Jongho’s face but he just shrugged and said, “Don’t ask me.” 
“Who else should I ask then?” Yunho asked, confusion mixed with annoyance in his voice, but he received no response as Jongho just walked away. 
You watched Yunho’s expression from the side while he was still distracted by his own thoughts and emotions. 
His lips were pressed together tightly and ears bright red. It was clear he tried to control himself and his reactions, but you weren’t convinced by his act at all. 
You got to see him properly only when he swiftly turned around to face you. He did not touch you, thank God, but you were still terrified when you saw the look in his brown eyes. The same, usual smile was on his lips as he looked down at you but it was still vastly different. His eyes weren’t warm. His eyes were burning hot, full of fierce fire he had been hiding under the facade of a kind police officer who loved helping animals, and who knows what other lies he had come up with. 
His body towered over yours as he looked at with those eyes that made you want to curl up into a small ball and defend yourself like a hedgehog. 
But you weren’t a hedgehog and you couldn’t push out spikes to protect yourself as Yunho leaned closer. 
“I’m glad you didn’t run off with Jongho,” he chuckled. 
In the blink of an eye his expression was back to that weirdly cheerful one, as if you had imagined everything. 
Everyone was horrible. You were scared and worried. But you should have expected something like this already, you thought to yourself. 
After all it was just like you told Charlotte: if they were stable, they wouldn’t be in this group. 
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bomber-grl · 5 hours
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Deku Dating hc!! ୨ৎ
Pairing(s): Izuku Midoriya x Gn!Reader
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Creds ~ first divider: @/khaer 2nd divider: @/strangergraphics-archive Art: @/xuune/kaiihuna or @/_kaiihua on twt
HE IS SO FLUSTERED OMG
Not even an exaggeration, the moment you confessed it was like blud went into cardiac arrest
Once he regained his wits he reciprocated your feelings all in a couple of stutters and accidental muttering
How charming
All sarcasm aside, it really is endearing
Yknow how most of the people in class 1-A are unnecessarily weirded out by his muttering
Plus how Deku is more often than not, called names by his own fandom 💀
Well he thinks that way about himself too
Sure you get along more than just fine but seeing him apologize for being more than a little nerdy is shocking to say the least
I mean if anything his “weird” and nerdy self is literally part of his charm and you make this known
Reread that first bullet point for a hint to how he reacted to you telling him that
Anyway
It’s likely you guys met at UA
I mean it’s where he’s made the most friends at (if any) and the only reason he talked to you was either it was inevitable or he absolutely fan boy-ed over your quirk
If you guys had some sort of romantic connotation and you had to fight against each other in the sports festival he’d be pretty conflicted
Although, you’d probably not want him to hold back
If anything he’s just sorry about the whole ordeal 😭
As a boyfriend Deku is shy(?)
I mean just look at how he reacted to technically a none romantic gesture and just interaction - he’s definitely going to be flustered for the majority of you two hanging out
Overall he’s really sweet
Like genuinely it’s surprising that he’s never actually been with someone in a real relationship before
If you disagree… look at him in the beginning of the anime 😭💀)
At most he was probably jokingly asked out or asked out on a dare in the past
I do think that hero life would sort of interfere with romantic relations for you both(assuming ur attending UA)
So there’s times where meeting up or just hanging out would be difficult
But when you two can hang out- it’s really nice
You’re either going to fast food restaurants, going shopping or doing anything really-
These outings are similar in the fact that they all often end in you both fighting some villian 😭
There is this one instance where before the dorms were introduced- you and Izuku had stayed to train or clean- whatever it was at school
He got a call from inko and upon finding out you (someone he does nothing but yap about to her) were around, well, she figured she’d invite you for dinner
Queue you finally meeting Inko and if you’re nervous and want to get a gift of some kind Izuku is kind of laughing but also happy that you want to “impress” her
Even though she loves you already
When you meet inko, she’s is buzzing with as much nervous energy as Izuku is
Funny how similar they are
The dinner goes smoothly and if anything she just approves of you more
Now eventually dorms get introduced and so does sneaking around
Don’t tell me no one in class 1-a wouldn’t sneak around- they’re high schoolers and you can’t tell me they wouldn’t just want to have stereotypical sleepovers
Among those who would sneak around is you
Izuku is less likely to because he’s a bit shy and if he’s ever caught- God kill him now 😭
So ofc you end up sneaking to his room
Which sorta backfires because he loves all might and all might is just staring at you in every direction you look.
The merch is just too excessive
Even then, a sleepover is too much for him and in Izuku fashion- he gets flustered
It takes awhile for him to chill 😭
Holding hands? In the hall way?
If you manage to hold hands for 5 seconds before Iida or Bakugo mention it then you’ve got a personal best!
(Iida because he says no PDA, and bakugo cuz him and his big ass mouth always got something to say)
——————
A/n: hope u liked! ^^
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megamindsecretlair · 2 days
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WIP Tuesday
Buckle up babes, it's going to be a long post!
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I come before you humble, hat in hand. I know I been wilding ya'll. I know there's a lot of fics I need to update and get back to. I haven't forgotten! And since there are...so many new people thanks to my Terry fics, what a great time to call myself out chuz ya'll too nice to do so! I saw @nerdieforpedro do this a few weeks ago? Forgive me for not tagging the person you got it from, but I am tiredt, chilleee.
Current focus: Terry got my whole heart, ya'll. Every fic I read of him, I just want to go hop in the booth myself and get to writing. Ya'll inspire me every damn day, it's magical. There is a filthy, disgusting, mean, despicable fic I wanna write with him. But alas, he is not the only one I write for.
Girl, there's how many series????? Listen, the muse wants what it wants. 11 series in total. Chillee, why I do dissssss. Some are closer to finishing than others. So let's count them out (click the links to learn more):
Be My Little Darling - Loki series | It Started With a Whisper - Sam Wilson series | Midnight Sin - Vampire Tyrone series | Blackbird - Mob Boss Fontaine | Camp Wanderlust - Franklin Saint series | What You Deserve - Homewrecker Stunna | Runaway Lover - Professor Stunna | If I Took You Home - Kevin Atwater | Kill Her Softly - Zyair Malloy | A Taste of the Divine - Yakuza Sukuna | We Are the Night - Qimir
Frenn, that's a lot, do you sleep? Are you okay? Blink twice if you need help. I'm promise I'm good ya'll, I just love writing and I love interacting with ya'll. You have NO idea how much each and every single one of ya'll mean to me. I love the support, I love the comments, I love the reblogs. I'm trying not to disappoint folks, I was on a schedule and well, life happened. I can course correct, I promise. Just gon' take me a little minute. Let me close the smaller series first!
Okay, surely that's it right, frenn? Ahh no, because there's also the asks that have been piling up. Per my pinned post, you know that I have a scatterbrain. Some asks I deleted because they're too similar to what I've done before. Some I'm still trying to picture before I start writing. But the ones I've kept? At last tally it is...33. Some are similar and I'm going to combine them, but yeahhhhh. This isn't a callout post, keep sending those requests in! Just know it's gonna take me a smoooooooth minute. Also, welcome new people, welcome! But not everything needs a part two, I promise. If I write "The End" at the bottom, that truly means the end. No part 2 planned, ain't trynna write a part two. I want to move on sometimes. I love you, but I'll be writing until I'm gray if everything got a part 2. And I wanna get paid for my writing. Which brings me tooo...
Umm, umm, what's this I hear about a book??? Yes! I am actually writing a book based on an ask I received. It was a sweet ask about what kind of story would go with "Handwritten Letter". I said it gave friends to lovers, she fell first, he fell harder type of vibes. It has morphed into dark academia about a shy girl just trying to come into her own. It's a combo of and a love letter about girls like me, girls like you, each and every person who identifies as a Soft Black Girl. And I already have *so* many ideas about other books I want to do. There will be one based on the Mr. Black series I wrote. There will also be a vampire one! I just can't decide yet which will be the second book I put out. I'm leaning towards vampire because Terry is HEAVY on the brain ya'll. And he'd make a sexy vamp. But anywhooo...
I say all this to say that I'm not a machine. I'm not that quick despite appearances. I may not seem like I have any chill, but I've been fantasizing and turning over these fics in my head for days or weeks before I sit down to write. And I'm not saying to stop. Your support is exactly why I feel good enough about my writing to sit and write an entire book! I want to be a full time author. I want to share my ideas with the world. I'm just slow lmfaoooooo.
In the mean time, I hope you're hitting up all these amazing writers on here. I hope you're commenting and reblogging and showing love on here. I will keep saying it. This site will DIE and these BLACK writers will LEAVE if people keep stealing, not commenting, not reblogging, asking for part 2s and never showing love. Fandom is a community, not a pillar. No one know it's you behind that avatar, go crazy! Go nuts. Show nuts. whatever.
Love, love, love you all. If you read this far, drop something funny in the comments. Or go unhinged in my asks about Terry. Don't get me started about that man, but go awff about him because that's my baby favaaa.
no pressure tags: @chaos-4baby @j0kers-light @umber-cinders @harmshake @planetblaque @babybratzmaraj @soft-persephone
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bibururokku · 1 day
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So my brother, who I should mention is a child less than half my current age, also likes Blue Lock and randomly told me if a certain character were real, I'd make a good couple with them. I thought it was funny, so I jokingly asked who he'd like as a brother-in-law if that were the case, but the kid took it very seriously and ended up listing SEVERAL boys WITH reasoning.
However, after he was done, he gave it some extra thought and went, "But I don't think you'd like them that much..." so he made a SEPARATE list of boys who he thought would be a good husband for me, and that basically killed me inside. I didn't want to laugh in his face and make him feel bad, so I held it in, but the genuine thought he put behind his lists broke me internally.
He's so sweet, but sometimes I wonder what goes on inside that little head of his. Anyway, at some point, I started to take notes as he made his lists, so I'll put his lists and the gist of what he said UTC just because I think it's cute, but also, bro...???
List of his ideal in-law(s) 1. Bachira Meguru → He has a lot of energy, slick moves on the field, and can fight. So basically, if Bachira were his brother-in-law, they could play and run around everywhere together. Plus, he can teach him a few tricks and moves himself and how to throw hands if needed. The fact that Bachira is, if not one of, his absolute favorites in the series is an added bonus. 2. Nagi Seishiro → He's chill and feels familiar because he thinks he is similar to me, as he believes I'm a low-energy, game-loving genius. He also thinks Nagi would just give him the answer if asked to help with homework because it's a hassle to explain, and he wants that and for him to carry him in a game. Plus, his godly control over the ball when playing football/soccer is really cool. 3. Michael Kaiser → He's technically famous as one of the New Generation XI, which means he could flex to his friends. Also, he was very impressed by his ability to take down police officers with the football/soccer ball and thinks he could teach him how to do that to other people, as his in-law. 4. Isagi Yoichi → He's really nice and smart, so he can generally rely on him for things, as long as it has nothing to do with playing or practicing football/soccer with him. Isagi also matched Bachira's energy, which led him to believe that he could also pretty much play with him all day long as well. 5. Mikage Reo → He's rich and has a tendency to pamper the people he is fond of. Basically, if I were married to Reo and we were to visit my family as a couple, he'd get pretty much anything he wanted, as Reo seems to be the type of person who would give his in-laws a whole bunch of gifts when visiting.
List of who he thinks would be a good husband for me 1. Michael Kaiser → He's a famous athlete who is good at what he does, which means stability and security. Plus, he can fight and thus protect me. According to him, Kaiser's past traumas and current issues wouldn't be a problem because he thinks I could handle it and even help or support him in dealing with some of it. 2. Chigiri Hyoma → He's a sassy princess, and I, too, am sassy. Therefore, he believes we would get along as a couple. Plus, he's into people who are calm and understanding, and that's what my brother thinks of me, especially when I'm angry since I don't yell and just ask for logical explanations to understand. 3. Itoshi Sae → He makes me laugh a lot, leading him to believe we'd get along as I'd be unphased by his aloofness and would likely enjoy the freedom that somewhat cold nature would bring. He's also good at his job, so we'd have a stable and secure life. Plus, I'd probably make up for what he did to Rin (💀). 4. Karasu Tabito → He also makes me laugh a lot, so he thinks he would humor me. Also, he thinks I also fit Karasu's type since he thinks I'm strong, smart, and have a good voice. Additionally, I could make up for Karasu's inability to be nice to mediocre people, as I am generally nice and polite even if I hate someone. 5. Nagi Seishiro → He's similar to me, so naturally, that means we'd get along and be a decent and "hassle-free" couple. Especially since he's very chill, he's likely to just go along with whatever I wanted and give me the freedom to do as I please. Bonus Yukimiya Kenyu → He was joking, but he brought him up because we both have poor eyesight LMAO.
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moeblob · 6 months
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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monstriiss · 1 year
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gnashing my teeth rn
snarling and biting at people that rip off other peoples oc's characterisations and backstories, it costs $0.00 to come up with your own concepts and you get the bonus of not shitting on other people and being able to exercise your own creativity. there is so much of it in the rpc and i have seen it happen to friends and had it happen to myself, like just stop swinging off of others coat tails because we put heart and soul into these characters not just for someone to come along and think that looks fun and go yoink :) i just
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dutybcrne · 2 months
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Sometimes I like to admire Kae's new skin and think of aaaall the little gaps where someone could press quick little kisses against
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Sneaky lil kisses on his neck and shoulders/collarbone when they're close/hug#//Bonus if they chose to gently nose aside his braid rather and just move it by hand#//Having him sitting on sb's lap and they press a quick kiss to his bicep#//Or them sitting then in the process of standing doing so#//Gently touching along the lil gap on his back while he's straddled them; as their lips brush over the little spot over his chest#//Making him topple over the desk and moving for the spot on his back-#//hdbkgrg#suggestive#//I GUESS just for that last one jhdbfhdfg#//Anywho now that that's there#//I've seen so many fanarts where the shirt under his vest has an exposed back and I kdfjhbfkg#//THAT is precisely what made me think of this lol#//His partner grabbing him Firm by the hips and pressing kiss after kiss along his back while he just Squirms and chides playfully at them#//Esp if he was tryna get all dressed up and they caught him before he could get the vest on#//Like 'Stahp; the goal is clothes ON-'#//But the sheer Intimacy and sweetness of that very series of kisses while getting UNdressed is so good too#//Not even for smut reasons really; even#//Him feeling exhausted after a day's fun and trusting his partner to help him get undressed without wanting much more out of it#//Them seeing how Stressed he is and using the kisses to help ease the tension lining his shoulders#//Bonus if they gently reassure him they don't intend to initiate anything; to just relax; they'll be done in a moment#//And it HELPS bc their gentle touch helps keep him grounded; helps him feel a little better after the day's stresses & hustle'n bustle#//He might go a little boneless after tho hdbjgf. But he'd have been SO wound up w stress; the gesture might make him relax a bit TOO much#//And make him just wanna flop back and let them carry him off to bed or a drawn bath they can chill in. That he'd prolly get sleepy in#//If not outright doze off in and become the Grumpiest little mf when they have to wake him up bc they've been in there too long jhdbgkfg#//Which is DEFFO a surefire sign of trust and comfort with sb; bc he'd usually HATE wanting to act like that around other ppl
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bigpeepee · 14 days
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okay so i am once again in a bit of a pickle due to the fact that i never learn from my mistakes :)
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gibbearish · 28 days
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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rimouskis · 1 year
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I'm going to preface this story by saying: I don't necessarily believe in karma, but
I may have been walking through today with a vague sense of disbelief tainted with unkind smugness after my tiktok fyp was flooded with poor fans who tried to get presale ticket to one mr n. kahan's new tour only to find that demand was through the roof and GA pit tickets were seriously going for $300, in presale, and even the "worst" tickets in the lawn were going for $70
and while I undoubtedly think it's deeply unethical for both platforms (thanks ticketmaster) and artists to allow such dramatic ticket cost inflation, I also generally don't relate...
I (VERY LUCKILY) gravitate towards smaller acts, and the most I've paid for a ticket all year has been, like... $90 for a ticket to beyonce, which got cancelled and I was refunded lol. if I look back at all my receipts from shows this year, most have been around $50/ticket after fees, and several have been closer to $20. my favorite show I've seen all year was a $15 ticket.
it's mostly luck—I tend to like smaller acts, and I've been seeing mainly rock acts this year, and those tickets simply don't run as high as pop acts. and part of me is honestly very grateful that I haven't been swept into any of the really recent huge acts.
I think of all the people scrabbling for boygenius or taylor swift tickets and how much money they've had to shell out... how a lot of them don't even GET to see the acts they want to see because they've been priced out or tickets sold out. I can't remember the last time a show I wanted to go to sold out lol. maybe bastille in london?
and again, it's just a matter of luck that I'm not really into any of these megastars and therefore don't have to compete in the gladiator arena to try to see shows I want to see, but sometimes luck manifests as a feeling of self-satisfaction, you know? who among us hasn't experienced a little self-superiority from time to time.
look, if YOUR tiktok was flooded with people saying concerts have been awful since 2021 (including rock and metal shows), but every concert YOU'VE been to since 2021 was amazing and the crowds were really good and you always got tickets and it never broke the bank, you'd feel pretty validated in your choice of musicians and the crowds they attract too, alright?? sue me! I felt frugal AND undeservedly clever!
anyways back to karma. guess who got invited and subsequently agreed to shell out $70 to sit in a lawn and listen to mr. n. kahan sing. I'll give you a hint, her tumblr username starts with an r and ends with an s
#I KNOW LIKE. A SINGLE ONE OF HIS SONGS.#the thing about me is I'm earnestly really good at not judging other ppls music taste because:#I have a whole 1000-song playlist dedicated to music I love but don't play for other ppl bc I regard it as my Fun Time No Taste Music#and it's not that it's bad it's just not as curated as I prefer my music showed to other people lol#and that means I don't judge people for getting really into a band that doesn't do it for me personally#but. I will admit that I have that deeply annoying personality trait wherein if a billion people get into something...#for unknown reasons my own desire to learn about and get into that thing plummets. hashtag hipster. hashtag annoying#so that's kinda why I've never explored a lot of mega-popular musicians#(see: hozier; mitski; boygenius; taylor swift; one direction; noah kahan; etc etc)#+ obviously I don't make quality judgements off of that. I've heard some hozier songs. he's very good. I like handfuls of TS and 1D's music#but I don't have the drive to Also Get Into It#which means I never have to fucking melee for tickets in the queue ahaha and I am very grateful for that#but idk. I think there's something to be said for purposefully seeking out midsize or small acts. I don't really like stadium shows!#my fave concert this year had less than 100 attendees and the lead singer walked right off the stage into the crowd#everyone was chill and gave him space (this was the friday pilots club show)#and I think I can compare it to big vs. small fandom#small fandoms tend to be well-behaved bc everyone knows everyone and beef poisons the whole space lol#and also it's a matter of numbers! the more people who are in a space... the higher likelihood someone's an asshole#and I've been in tiny fandoms that blew up (hellooooo omgcp) and saw that happen firsthand#and I sort of suspect that rule holds true for concert spaces/music fanbases! more people = more variables = higher likelihood of foolery#hell I think of when I was really into 2010s alt rock DURING the 2010s and had to deal with assholes at alt j concerts hahahah#and it was just because I *was* into the music that WAS of-the-time in 2015!!!!#and now as an agèd 20something who likes metal shows I'm just chilling and watching pits form at lowkey 1400-capacity venues#because that's the scene! and I'm not in the thick of it with the current Music Of The Hour#anyways all this is to say that I don't think noah kahan is bad or untalented or unworthy of seeing!!!!#clearly he is if I'm going to fork over $70plusfees to see him with my friend#it's just that I'm grateful my tastes have veered into the cheaper side of the music industry.#I think I'd keel over if my favorite artist was TS and I had to deal with. all that. to go see her.#stronger than the marines etc etc
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sailforvalinor · 11 months
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In other news, my church sign has been hit by a car for the *checks notes* fourth time
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herd-reject-arts · 1 year
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Here I go to spend several days by myself in the North Carolina wilderness. Wish me luck. Never gone camping alone (but I have my dogs, and I trust them more than any people I know), so that's intimidating. Hopefully I don't have to fistfight a bear over whatever I'm cooking that night. Not looking forward to no toilet or shower until Monday, but it is what it is. I absolutely have to do this, for my mental health. I'm losing so much money taking the time off work to just have mountain time to myself. But I gotta. My life has been such a chaotic mess for over half a year now - everything that could go wrong, has - and I've never felt so close to just letting myself snap. I can feel it boiling right under the surface at any given time.
But yeah. Should be a time. Might post pictures upon my return (provided a bear doesn't decide I'm on the menu). Wish me luck!
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vulpinesaint · 1 year
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absolutely unreasonable over this coworker that i rlly like rn. thank god i don't like men or i would have fucking Lost it by now! as it is i don't even know what has me so dkfjghsdf about him i'm just sitting there with my head in my hands going "he's so normal about trans people..."
#he's a like. fr nerd guy which i don't know if i have a value judgment for but! it gets me points cause i can pull out nerd shit too#thought he was Significantly older than me but he is only four years older than me and not the estimated six. so it's not that bad#once i'm twenty in like three months it really will not be that weird for me to be friends with people in their twenties.#YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS. HE'S NOT NERDY HE'S GEEKY. DIFFERENT VIBE BUT DEFINITELY MORE LIKE ME#like. ordered a working spiderman mask online but also likes my alt radio station. y'know#and he wants to be my friend too!!! we talk nd have similar senses of humor#and he says hi + bye to me every time he sees me AND says my name every time which i think is a like. positive sign#when people take the time to say 'hi [name]!' i think that's a like. 'i'm invested in being friendly with you' thing#AND AGAIN!!! HEAD IN MY HANDS!!!! HE'S SO NORMAL ABOUT TRANS PEOPLE!!!!!!#went 'wow. it's the ignorance' when one of the kids asked about my dead name (kid obviously did not know what being trans entailed)#and when i went 'i mean adults ask me that too' he went 'what??? fr??? people are so uneducated :/' like a little disgusted ab it#which. dude. what a fucking world. so normal about trans people that like. not being normal about trans people is a foreign concept#not EVEN transphobia just not being educated on what's decent to ask a trans person!!! NOBODY knows that stuff!!!!#except for skye my best friend skye apparently. this dude is so fucking normal about trans people#laughs at my jokes about being trans!!! consistently!!!!! is rlly cool about it!!!!!!!#made a joke about using my dual citizenship to go check on the girls who were taking a really long time in the bathroom#and he found it as funny as i did and like. that's a kind of joke u'd usually have to share with other trans/queer people... idk...#would also make that joke with my coworker who is gay. but he's also really chill about me being trans haha#anywayyyyyy i don't know if he's queer or anything (strikes me as straight) but it's. god. world-changing#AND HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. WHO HE TALKS ABOUT A NORMAL AMOUNT. VERY POSITIVE THING#so i don't have to worry about things being weird at all :D#and he knows for sure i'm 19 and is chill about it. which. i was the only one making that a big deal but it's a relief all the same haha#asked how old i was (talking about graduating from college in a year nd a half) and gave me a FIST BUMP when i told him.#A FIST BUMP. WHO DOES THAT.#straight people. that's who. guys who are just guys.#guys who make me go 'oh so i DO want guy friends who are my friends in a 'we're both guys' way. those other guys just suck'#which i don't really want but ALSO. he's normal about trans people! so he recognizes me as a guy no matter what i look/sound like!!#my like. supervisor's supervisor made a joke about him being childish and like. girl.#idc frankly that's skye my best friend skye you can't tell me shit about him we listened to the radio while driving the kids to the beach#valentine notes
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blueshykitsune-blog · 20 days
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I want a giant brown bunny... but... but too much!
The only one I found was like $158 USD... it was just about 5 foot tall! It literally was like looking at what I wanted to make but realized I didn't have enough stuffing for!
And one that was like 3 feet tall was $100...
Like yes I know materials and time is money but I can still complain! Why fabric gotta be so much! And so messy! (The ones with faux fur or of the like. Like whyyyyyy!!!!) Also why is cotton and stuffing so much too! And you get enough for maybe only one 2 foot plushie!
(I ran out of tagging space... 30 the limit sadly. But I had more to say but maybe later I'll do a bigger post on that all.)
#I'm complaining.#because why does fun things gotta be so much!!!!!#Honestly though if a person who makes plushies by hand ever wanted to hire someone to just cut and draw the design onto fabric I would do it#or even for clothing. I like cutting things. and I can do it fast.#hence me having like three hand made plushies in a bag#two that are just hanging out#and a pair of pants.#all from 1 full school year worth of time. though in two different school years. and I also wasn't in the one technically but I had no other#class to be at as there was no room elsewhere and I took a bus so I literally could not just skip the bus either and it was the first class.#so I was lucky enough the teacher liked me and knew I was a good student. so actually minus like a week or two as I did sit outside for tw#twoish weeks before my friend practically forced me into their class without being in it on the records.#yeah I enjoyed it as I was allowed to chill... actually minus like 2 additional weeks from both half years. and maybe another 1 week and#that's about how much sewing I did and got all that done. though if you count back in 2020 I did sew a plushie monkey and a face mask...#then before 2020 I did sew like two small pillows. did a slight bit of embroidery... and then when I was like 8 to maybe 10 I sewed a bird#in sometime withing 8-10 and I may have done other sewing too...#damn. I did a lot of sewing compared to what people probably realize. like I sewed by hand and machine yet only embroidered by hand so far.#I'm not really allowed to use the sewing machines at my house sadly. so I only got to use it at school which honestly wasn't for too much#time as I mostly hand sewed everything with some exceptions...#wait I completely forgot I did all those sewing examples! and I had made a skirt... maybe two? and I had to help others with their stuff too#I already knew roughly how to use a sewing machine and well like two of the other students near me needed a lot of help I tried my best#however I did get frustrated but... I feel sorry for the one person as I wasn't really frustrated at them. I was just stressed and...#I tgink they still passed the class... actually that wasn't the only student I helped. qoth my friend's class I helped him and a few of the#nearby students. mainly because the teacher told them they could try coming to me for anything. also because my friend and I knew#I could help them too. however the one thing that was hard for me to sew was sometimes how to fix the issues they had... then again one had#a broken needle and that thing is hard to see unless you know what to look for because it's so tiny. so I did as best as I could.#sometimes they just needed helped threading honestly and well that's why I got frustrated with the one a few times but honestly I was just#worried about not finishing my own project... then when people used my machine... oh how much that urk me. we were assigned machines btw.#I wasn't too angry but I liked that seat and my box of my stuff was there and I don't really know much Spanish and the person sitting there#was spanish speaking so it was hard to communicate... didn't help that I was having a few if my mental troubles and on top of that an issue#with talking to people in general on my own... no I dunno the full reason why so I'm not making judgement calls.
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house-on-sand · 3 months
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hm
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inbabylontheywept · 1 month
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i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.
she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.
so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.
babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?
you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.
skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.
(it was not my best costume.)
my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.
so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.
i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.
so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.
so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.
"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"
and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said
"overalls"
and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."
and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.
the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.
first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.
second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.
and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.
she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."
"lets watch shrek 2."
so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.
every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.
and god help him when he figures it out.
other bad dating story here.
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